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basicallyahedgehog · 2 years ago

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2022 In Fic

This is so late, but oh well! Big love and hugs to my faves @phoebe-delia (x) and @corvuscrowned (x) for the tags. Go and check theirs out too!

January

Harry’s Spiny Adventure (Wolfstar, toddler Harry)

“A ned-chog!” Harry was dancing on the spot now, unable to contain his excitement.

“Hedgehog, Harry,” Sirius sighed. So much for a normal day. “Why do you have a hedgehog in the house?”

Til The End Of The Night (Harry-centric, nil pairing)

Perhaps, he mused as he poured the boiling water into his mug, tremors causing the water to splash across the benchtop, the worst part wasn’t the words themselves, but the fact that the public was truly convinced of what they saw. All they could see was their Hero, their Saviour. The Boy Who Lived, who defeated the Dark Lord.

March

The Brightest Thing (drarry)

When I was young I expected my wedding to be stuffy, full of heavy vows. Yet here we are, your hands clasped in mine, giggling like two schoolboys.

April

The Evolution of Soup (Or, How Harry Learned To Be Loved) (Drarry)

As he succumbed once more to the ever-present fog at the edges of his brain, Harry felt a feather-light kiss in his hair, followed by another one on his temple. He fell asleep with a smile on his face, hand curling towards the one person who could make everything ok.

From The Shadows (Drarry)

I watch and I watch until one day; one day, I realise that you are watching back. How long, I wonder. How long were we watching each other without realising, caught in a never-ending dance?

May

Out Of The Darkness (Drarry)

I hate him, until he smiles. Before he smiles he is the saviour, he is the poster boy, he is the carrier of the weight of the world. But when he smiles he is Harry, my Harry.

With You Between My Arms (Drarry)

Trying to squash his hope - this isn’t what it looks like, he just wants to have a friendly dance, don’t be an idiot - Harry takes Draco’s hand, allowing himself to be led onto the dancefloor. He runs his free hand through his hair, trying in vain to tame his ever-messy curls.

“Don't,” Draco murmurs, grabbing Harry’s hand from his hair and placing it on his own shoulder. “The messy look suits you.”

The Strings That Weave Us (drarry)

The same tiny little shop where Draco worked.

Which is how Harry had found himself trying to make an appropriate amount of eye contact – look at his eyes, Harry, not his soft hair and just-right arms and the dimple in his left cheek and – as Draco explained how the thread worked.

June

Still Into You

They told me that it would fade, this feeling. That one day I would look at you and the butterflies wouldn’t come. But here you are, and here I am, joy bubbling in my stomach like champagne, hearts in my eyes.

All The Time In The World (drarry)

It was another week before Harry received the letter. Ginny was still screening his mail, but she was out with Luna. Besides, Harry knew that handwriting. He was sceptical as to whether Ginny would have let this letter through or not, but he knew that he definitely wanted to read it.

Why would Draco Malfoy be writing to him?

July

My Heart Was Unprepared (Darry)

My mind Healer told me to keep a journal, so here we are. I don’t see what the point is, really. Writing in this book isn’t going to magically erase the trauma of growing up in a cult, being forced to join said cult, having said cult live in your house… you get the picture.

I tried to point out that a diary actually caused quite a lot of trouble during the war, but Eugenia — my mind Healer — insisted.

August

Like This, My Beloved (Drarry)

What I didn’t picture was you walking into the room that first day of Auror training, your face still pale from two months in Azkaban. I didn’t picture the quiet, “it’s ok, I can convert the old janitors closet to a bunk. I know no one wants me.”

I think I already knew, in that moment. I just didn’t know it yet.

September

The Love You Find (Drarry)

They never talked about it, but Harry took to crawling into Draco’s bed during the night, until they just pushed their two beds together. Harry wondered if they should discuss it, but he didn’t know how he’d handle it if Draco wanted to stop.

Mads (Drarry)

“What did I do to deserve you?” Draco whispered against Harry’s lips, tears coursing down their cheeks once more.

“You don’t need to earn my love, Darling,” Harry said, pulling Draco against his chest. “It is freely given, for however long you want it. No matter what pronouns you use.”

October

I'll Be Loving You (Drarry)

“Loving someone doesn’t mean you endorse them,” Harry murmured, thinking of the hazy love for his aunt that had been squashed in his childhood, of the love he knew his mother had held for Snape even to her death, of the love he held for every version of the man in his arms, even the misguided teenager he had once been. Maybe especially that boy, fear a constant presence in his grey eyes.

November

The Threads That Bind Us (Drarry)

Every thought, they shared with each other. Every fear, every doubt, every self-recrimination. Every dream and hope and decision were shared and cradled and made together.

It was their greatest strength, and Draco’s greatest joy.

December

Them (pre-slash)

Draco turned away with a little hum, contemplating his gingerbread man — person — with his head tilted first one way then the next. Harry held his breath, feeling like he was witnessing something important.

Colour Outside The Lines (Harry-centric)

To be trans, Harry thinks, is to be alone in a crowded room. It’s learning a language too late, putting together a puzzle and discovering a missing piece.

The Brightest Star (pre-slash)

“Because I have a pretty awesome roommate,” Harry said. “And they just told me something about themself that I didn’t know, and I’m happy for them.” Draco shivered with each use of their pronouns, burying their face in Harry’s neck to hide their blush.

Tagging anyone who hasn't done this yet who wants to :)

#year in fic #my writing #drarry #wolfstar #harry potter #draco malfoy

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whoblewboobear · 4 months ago

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wait bridgerton au?? PLEASE say more. i'm picturing everyone being SO cunty. "oh wow jace you are SO brave. if i went to as many balls as you do with zero suitors to show for it, i would just die out of embarrassment! but not you!" and "oh, youre courting him? why? is it an advantageous marriage?"

AHHH!! Yes yes yes! Like you GET IT.

I made a post screaming about Jace and Porter having such a Daphne/Simon vibe with all the bickering and the back and forth and then another little smut snippet. If I finish it, it’ll probably just be a one shot but aghhhh I can’t stop thinking about it so I’m so glad you asked 🤧💖

And holy shit do I loooove the idea of Jace being so messy and so outspoken and having to deal with the gossip at court throughout the season. He’s so much of a Kate imo instead of Daphne but I’m also in love with the innocence of it all with Porter constantly having Zara (I headcanon her as Anthony for peak mess and drama and I want her to fight him like Anthony and Simon do at the end of the season LMAO broken table and all) in his ear like ‘don’t insult my brothers honor.’ Then ‘You WILL marry him to keep his reputation in tact.’ Like just so overprotective and Porter is so frustrated by it bc he won’t just say exactly what he means just like Simon’s stubborn ass.

God and I cannot get the library scene out my head like of course the minute they’re back Porter’s estate they’re fucking in every room. The staff is listening freaking the fuck out mean while Porter is going down on Jace who’s fighting for his life not to fall off this fucking ladder with how gone he is at everything Porter is doing. Just- god yeah. Bridgerton AU my beloved.

(Also 100% need Eugenia Shadow as Lady Danbury. She’d be INCREDIBLE. The thought of her raising Porter is beyond hilarious to me)

#hauntedwizardmoment #bridgerton au #asks

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armchairambrose · 2 years ago

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All books of 2022

I like to keep a list of all the books that I've read through the year, it helps me feel accomplished and that my relaxation time is not a waste. Without writing this list, I find myself unable to motivate to read, or stressed by the act. This is the list of everything that I had recorded, which is missing only a few manga or short stories.

-The Tower of Swallows, The Lady of the Lake, Season of Storms (Witcher series by Andrzej Sapkowski)

-The Tower of Fools, Warriors of God, Light Perpetual (Hussite trilogy by Andrzej Sapkowski)

-The Way of Shadows, Shadows Edge, Beyond the Shadows (Night Angel trilogy by Brent Weeks)

-Mycophilia (Eugenia Bone)

-Uzumaki, Gyo (Junji Ito, horror manga)

-Mr. Humble and Dr. Butcher (Brandy Shillace)

-The Order of Time, Helgoland (Dr. Carlo Rovelli)

-Your Inner Fish (Neil Shubin)

-Dinopedia; A Brief Compendium of Dinosaur Lore (Darren Nash)

-The Mosquito; A Human History of Our Deadliest Predator (Timothy Winegard)

-The Divine Comedy (Dante Alegherdi)

-Reconstructing Democracy (Taylor, Nanz, Taylor)

-Sexus Animalis (Emmanuel Povydebat)

-Islands of Abandonment (Cal Flyn)

-As Nature Made Him, The Boy Who Was Raised A Girl (John Colapinto)

-Atlas of a Lost World; Travels in Ice Age America (Craig Childs)

-Nothing But Blackened Teeth (Cassandra Khaw)

-Frankenstein (Mary Shelley)

-The Herb Almanac; A Seasonal Guide to Medicinal Plants (The Chelsea Garden)

-I'm Glad My Mom Died (Jenette McCurdy)

-The Things They Carried (Tim O'Brien)

-Idler (Collection of essays on lifestyles)

-Magical Boy (The Kaos)

-Invasion of the Body Snatchers (Jack Finney)

-Passing (Original title "Nig" by Nella Larsen)

-Monotone Blue (Nagabe)

-The Gay Who Turned Kaiju (Kazuki Minamoto)

-I Want To Eat Your Pancreas (Yuru Sumino (Story) and Idumi Kirihara (Art)

-Heal or Die; Psychotherapists Confront Nuclear Annihilation (Ken Porter, Deb Rinsler, Paul Olsen, and colleagues)

#book recommendations #booklover #books and reading

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mythic-raccoon · 6 months ago

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To be fair, most Wizard subclasses are fundamentally pretty similar, in my opinion more than any other class. divination’s portent is by far the most unique to me, but everything else is essentially advanced spellcraft. The way I see it is because wizardry is fundamentally a learned class. Anything one wizard knows another can learn, and their schools are essentially like majors and it wouldn’t be practical necessarily for a necromancer to dedicate the years of study necessary to use arcane ward. You can argue that’s true of all classes, but wizards don’t even have unique spells to their subclasses (all other casters except bards I think get their own list of prepared spells) the cost is different sure, but your illusion wizard could know exclusively evocation spells and it’d be goofy but not actually particularly dysfunctional. Wizard teachers are probably mostly scribe wizards that essentially specialize in just knowing spells, since that’s the most basic and unchanging aspect of wizardry.

Monk is an entirely separate issue but I don’t think there’s a single named monk in FH so when I think about it I honestly just ignore monk completely. I have no rationale for that one. Druid and ranger are the same, no real way to explain why they’re only one teacher, other than we just don’t enough of them for it to ever be mentioned.

Rogue I think has to be a specific thing with the way Eugenia Shadow teaches, in that she doesn’t? Like she basically just picks a fundamental of rogue abilities and tells them to go about it however they see fit

Cleric mechanically is very diverse but in lore it’s probably SO diverse because of the number of gods and differences in their relationships that it can only be taught at a fundamental level, so you only need one teacher. Same for warlock and paladin, people are going to have such different experiences that the only thing a teacher can do is provide fundamentals and guidance.

Barbarian, again, comparatively few distinctions in lore-oriented playstyle and also Porter’s probably been trying to corner that role. Artificer is the same way in respect to the former, you primarily learn mechanics and craftsmanship it’s the application that might change but not much (if anything alchemists would be separate since they’re not so much mechanics)

Sorcerer is treated as a glorified babysitting job, I don’t agree with it but I do think that it’s another one that’s just very personal in terms of lore, and therefore has too much variance.

Fighter and bard both cover vast areas, with more defined separation than say cleric or warlock, and both in terms of lore and mechanics are only loosely defined around a broader identity. No reason for an archer to be a good sword fighter, but if your entire style is based on sword fighting you need a teacher that can make you really good at that. Same for singing versus dance.

Realistically it’s all based on what Brennan knows and needs, and he was homeschooled and needs someone who can teach Fabian to be freer and more accepting of himself and Fig to meet the other end of a parasocial relationship because if nothing else Porter was right about Lucilla Lullaby.

Look, I know it's a game and there's no reason for Brennan to develop the entirety of the school's docent body, and all the other teachers and stuff, but as someone majoring in education the whole 1 teacher for each class thing is really fucking me up, like I am exercising a level of disbelief suspension that is eating me alive lol

You are telling me that the School of Divination teacher and the Abjuration teacher are the same person? That the same monk teaches Way of the Open Hand and Way of Long Death? And what kills me is that it's NOT CONSISTENT, like the bards have more than one teacher, (Lucila for music and Terpsichore for dance)! Also, what do they teach? Do they have research programs? Are the classes based on subclass or just general stuff the class does, like the bard that has Music and Dance class?

Again, completely inconsequential and I much rather Brennan keep focusing on what actually matters for the story, but these little details man, they fascinate me! I want to fill the blanks so bad!

Eventually I will create the entire roster of staff of the AAA, but until then i will suffer in silence lmao

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astrognossienne · 2 years ago

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scandalous beauty: tallulah bankhead - an analysis

“I don’t care what they say about me after I’m dead, so long as they say something! Say anything about me, darling, as long as it isn’t boring.” - Tallulah Bankhead

She was the biggest Hollywood star that never really was. Ever since I saw her brilliant portrayal of the cold and ruthless, yet fiery Regina Giddens in Lillian Hellman's The Little Foxes, I had to know more about Tallulah Bankhead. Bankhead combined the morally inverting wit of Oscar Wilde, the drawling decadence of Tennessee Williams and the tragic shadow of Blanche DuBois, a character she claimed Williams wrote just for her. Hollywood’s original wild child, Bankhead was an atypical southerner, championing civil rights way before it was popular, and was a devout Democrat, anti-Communist and liberal. Born into an old Southern family, Bankhead grew up overshadowed by her prettier older sister. She compensated by being outspoken and outrageous, a habit which would make her a star of the London stage and a subject of gossip columns. Her name was linked during her lifetime with many people (the notches on Bankhead’s bedpost were rumored to add up to at least 500, maybe even 5,000) and she carefully nurtured her wild reputation. She was also known for using cocaine and often mentioned that she did. She carried on affairs with both sexes, smoked, drank, and drugged to excess, and claimed to have only come to Hollywood “to fuck that divine Gary Cooper”.

The first actress to screen test for the role of Scarlett O’Hara in Gone With the Wind, Bankhead herself was an "accessible" icon. She reveled in her fans' idolatry and always acknowledged them, on-stage or off. A true diva, she clashed with most of the actors in the plays and movies she was cast in and many of them would not show up for performances until the very last minute to avoid her tantrums. Despite Bankhead’s demanding and extreme temperament, she enjoyed great professional success during the 1940s. Her typical Aquarian uniqueness, frivolity and irreverence, however, was a veneer for the tragedies and ghosts that haunted her life: Bankhead’s mother dying shortly after giving birth to her and the lifelong resentment of her congressman father, the sexual assault that occurred when she was a teenager, the case of the clap that left her sterile before she was 30 and the string of loveless affairs concealing a tender, coked-up heart. In the end, her last discernible words were "codeine, bourbon". While most of her contemporaries have long since been forgotten, the untamed and outspoken Tallulah has proven hard to shake.

Tallulah Bankhead, according to astrotheme, was an Aquarius sun and Scorpio moon. Bankhead’s mother, Adelaide (or "Ada" as she was called) was already engaged to another man when she met William Bankhead on a trip to Huntsville, Alabama to shop for her wedding dress. Will and Ada fell in love at first sight and, following a whirlwind romance, were married on January 31, 1900 in Memphis, Tennessee. Two years to the day, she was born in Huntsville, Alabama; her older sister Eugenia was born a year before. She was named after her paternal grandmother, who, in turn, was named after the town of Tallulah Falls in Georgia. The Bankheads were a prominent Alabama political family. Tallulah's grandfather, John Hollis Bankhead, was a Confederate veteran and a U.S. senator. Tallulah's uncle John was also a Senator and her father would serve as a U.S. Representative and Speaker of the House. Her mother died of complications from childbirth several weeks later, and she was raised in part by her aunts and grandparents. Bankhead was an admittedly bad-tempered baby turned defiant child. Made to feel inadequate by her older, thinner, prettier sister, Tallulah did everything she could think of for attention. Her boisterous behaviour rankled everyone's nerves, especially her grandmother. Today, Tallulah would be probably be diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. She soon discovered at an early age that theatrics were a viable outlet for gaining the attention she craved. A series of throat and chest infections—whooping cough, measles, pneumonia, the mumps—left her with the famous voice that would become her trademark. In later years, Bankhead once made the statement, in conversation, that she had been raped when she was eleven. She said she could still remember and feel the gravel driveway where it happened, although there was no supporting witness, and no friend in whom she confided at the time.

Though her family wasn’t even Catholic, the uncontrollable Bankhead was sent away to convents, where she was twice expelled: once for throwing ink at the Mother Superior and again, at age 12, for making romantic advances towards a nun. At 15, perhaps due to her “manic narcissism,” Bankhead submitted her photo to Picture Play magazine and won a small part in a movie, as well as a trip to New York. With her lax Aunt Louise as chaperone, Bankhead took a room at the then unremarkable Algonquin Hotel. Her father used his influence and connections to help secure Tallulah's first stage role. In the meantime, she was a hit on the social scene. Though her acting was praised, the plays she was cast in were commercially and critically unsuccessful. Bankhead had been in New York for five years, but had yet to score a significant hit. Restless, Bankhead moved to London, making her debut on stage in 1923. Her fame as an actress was ensured in 1924 when she played Amy in Sidney Howard's They Knew What They Wanted. Bankhead returned to the United States in 1931, renting a home in Hollywood. She befriended famed director George Cukor and began hosting parties that were said to "have no boundaries". She found film-making to be very boring and did not have the patience for it. Promiscuity came naturally to Tallulah and she went to bed with anyone who was interested. She professed to having a ravenous appetite for sex, but not for a particular type:

"I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic. And the others give me either stiff neck or lockjaw."

In Hollywood, Tallulah rented William Haines' former house, hired three black servants, and prepared for her fourth Paramount film, Thunder Below. It fared worse than any of her previous films. Tallulah may have been miserable in her professional life, but she didn't let that affect her private life. She indeed met Gary Cooper and even made a film with him, Devil and the Deep, Returning to Broadway, Bankhead worked steadily in a series of middling plays which were, ironically, later turned into highly successful Hollywood films starring other actresses. But Bankhead persevered, even through ill health. In 1933, while performing in Jezebel, Bankhead nearly died following a five-hour emergency hysterectomy due to gonorrhea, which she claimed she had contracted from either Gary Cooper or tough-guy actor George Raft. However, she had so many sexual partners at the time that it is impossible to know the truth. Hollywood was becoming increasingly conservative partly as a result from past scandals with their stars and because Will Hays had formed the infamous Production Code. The Code dictated not only what the studios could show in their films, but how their actors must conduct themselves off the screen. Bankhead was cited in the Hays Committee's "Doom Book", a list of 150 actors and actresses considered "unsuitable for the public" which was presented to the studios. Bankhead was at the top of the list with the heading: "Verbal Moral Turpitude". In return, she publicly called Hays "a little prick".

Tallulah finally achieved triumph with The Little Foxes in 1939. The Lillian Hellman classic told the story of the Hubbard family, whose lives are controlled by hatred and greed. Tallulah played Regina Giddens, a cold and self-centered social climber who stops at nothing to gain a foothold in Chicago society, even if it means destroying her family. Tallulah received tremendous praise for her performance and she won the Variety Award for Best Actress of the Season. The play enjoyed a long run (408 performances), followed by a year- long road tour. Tallulah also made a small fortune from the play as she demanded her usual ten percent of the grosses. Tallulah's next antic shocked everyone - to placate her father, she announced that she was getting married. She had been mesmerized by actor John Emery when she saw him on stage in Busman's Holiday in Westport, Connecticut. Tallulah met him after the play and invited him to spend the weekend with her. He moved in with her shortly afterward. In reality, Tallulah was never interested in "settling down" with any man and, after a rocky four years together (and her father’s death in the fall of 1940), the couple divorced in 1941.

By 1950, Tallulah was a household name who was frequently mentioned in the press, whether it was to report on her latest political involvement or simply to relate another humorous anecdote. Though Bankhead's career slowed in the mid-1950s, she never faded from the public eye. Her highly public and often scandalous personal life began to undermine her reputation as a terrific actress, leading to criticism she had become a caricature of herself. In early 1967, television producer Bill Dozier asked Tallulah to appear on his program, Batman. She would be paid $20,000 to appear in a two-part episode portraying the villainous "Black Widow". In 1968, Bankhead returned to her New York apartment and, in December, she contracted the Asian flu. She didn't respond to antibiotics and was placed in the hospital. After developing pneumonia and falling into a coma, she was placed in intensive care where she died on December 12, 1968, at age 66. After her death, it was revealed that she was not as poor as she often claimed; she left an estate valued at almost 2 million dollars. Half of the estate went to her long-time friend, Eugenia Rawls and her husband, Donald Seawell. Tallulah also also left generous portions to other good friends Jesse Levy, Estelle Winwood and Edie Smith. Tallulah's long-suffering sister, Eugenia, with whom she always had a strained relationship, had long fallen out of favour and was left $5,000 and a monthly allowance of $250.

Next, I focus on another scandalous figure of the early 20th century and the center of Hollywood's greatest real-life murder mystery: Taurus William Desmond Taylor.

STATS

birthdate: January 31, 1902

major planets:

Sun: Aquarius

Moon: Scorpio

Rising: Virgo

Mercury: Aquarius

Venus: Pisces

Mars: Aquarius

Midheaven: Gemini

Jupiter: Capricorn

Saturn: Capricorn

Uranus: Sagittarius

Neptune: Gemini

Pluto: Gemini

Overall personality snapshot: She had a powerful, magnetic personality which had a hypnotic effect on many people. Her character possessed a compelling blend of broad social-intellectual concerns and passionate self-interest; detached idealism and dark cynicism, the latter based on an intimate understanding of her own appetites and emotional needs. In general a ‘people’ person and an avid student of human nature, she was popular because the intensity of her personality rarely let up. Her obsessive individualism commanded recognition – she convinced people of her importance and capability, inspiring some to follow her to the ends of the Earth. Indeed, she may have had the magnetism of a demi-god and the confidence of a guru, but when she conquered an unbalanced desire for power and developed a more impartial approach her achievements will have had longer-lasting success. Freedom from obsessive self-interest should have been her aim. A sort of commanding haughtiness and inner conviction that she was ‘It’ usually drew people into her spell. But she was equally capable of detached withdrawal and even contempt, especially if her ego has been injured or unfairly treated. She may have tried to rise above petty feelings, but she could carry resentment around inside for a long time if injustice has been done.

It was important that her conscious, rational Aquarian side, which ‘knew’ itself to be fully self-determined and uniquely in charge of her life, come to understand and respect her proud, emotionally possessive, instinctively voracious Scorpio side, whose primitive needs, if unmet, led to manipulative behaviour that undermined her chances for emotional fulfillment. In order for her to maintain peace between these two sides of herself, she needed to dig down deep to see what buried assumptions and denied needs were at the root of a possible mind/feeling split. Like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, her intellectual and creative potential was enormous as long as both sides were working harmoniously together instead of living unconnected and mutually antagonistic lives – and this could only come for her through profound self-knowledge. Her Aquarian sun was the rational scientist; her Scorpio moon the hungry sensualist. Being deeply rooted in both realms gave her powerful insight into the vast spectrum of human nature. She was a good investigator of the human psyche and/or body, and she had the instincts of the reformer who saw the hidden potential in the discarded souls of life and could facilitate in their transformation.

Her body was neat and wiry, and she used neat and economical movements. Her well-groomed appearance was mirrored in her cool and classic way of dressing, good posture, fine bone structure and animated expression. Physically, she possessed good stamina. She tended to look younger than she really was, all the way through into her later years. She was an intelligent, bold thinker who was attracted to new and avant-garde ideas. Her mental application might have been slightly erratic, but it was often brilliant. She detested being pigeonholed or categorized. She hated being told what to think, as intellectual independence was vitally important to her. She loved to talk and to travel, so with her able to combine these two in her job as an actress, she was happy. She needed to have a fair degree of variety and change within her job, and the aspect of travel may have satisfied this. In whatever job she would have done, she would always have been the perpetual student, as long as the subject was interesting enough. Her sense of duty and responsibility were well-developed. Her powers of concentration were strong, and she was an honest person. She could be extremely efficient in the way that she tried to get maximum result out of minimum effort. She didn’t like extravagance and waste. She was a thoughtful and resourceful person, who was well-informed on many subjects. Success came gradually and as a result of hard work. Success and growth, for her, were expressed by material and financial achievements, bringing status and prestige. Worldly success was well within her reach, because she possessed all the necessary talents to gain power, influence and status. She was practical, determined and patient. When there were hitches in her plans, she simply worked around them. She knew where she was heading to, and had already figured out the best way to use her talents to reach her goals.

Although she could be fairly pessimistic about life in general, it didn’t put her off aiming for the top. She could be very single-minded about reaching her goals, and was prepared to put her career interests above her personal happiness. She was extremely aware of his own worth. She was prepared to work beyond the call of duty. Her strong sense of ambition gave her a certain rigidity, arrogance and selfishness in the eyes of others. She belonged to a generation with fiery enthusiasm for new and innovative ideas and concepts. Rejecting the past and its mistakes, she sought new ideals and people to believe in. As a member of this generation, she felt restless and adventurous, and was attracted towards foreign people, places and cultures. As a member of the Gemini Neptune generation, her restless mind pushed her to explore new intellectual fields. She loved communication and the occult and was likely also fascinated by metaphysical phenomena and astrology. As a Gemini Plutonian, she was mentally restless and willing to examine and change old doctrines, ideas and ways of thinking. As a member of this generation, she showed an amount of mental vitality, originality and perception. Traditional customs and taboos were examined and rejected for newer and more original ways of doing things. As opportunities with education expanded, she questioned more and learned more. As a member of this generation, having more than one occupation at a time would not have been unusual to her.

Love/sex life: She was the least intellectual of the Aquarius Martian lovers. She gets emotionally involved with her ideals and she fell in love with abstractions. This ability to link ideas with feelings allowed her to surround the person she loved with an amazing edifice of beauty and refinement in accordance with her idealized and highly romantic preconception about love. It can be a beautiful thing but it rarely lasts. People had a bad habit of stepping out of the sugar-coated world she’s created in her mind and behaving like human beings, leaving her confused and disappointed. She was also one of the most emotionally vulnerable of the Mars in Aquarius lovers and, for this reason, she was often more cautious and conservative in her romantic choices than was typical with this type. She had to protect her tender feelings. If she decided to defy convention it would have been because of overwhelming emotional necessity and not just because she wanted to see how other people reacted. But, given the combination of her sensuous and extremely affectionate nature and her uncompromising commitment to her romantic ideals, if and when she did choose to get radical about sex her actions invariably drew a lot of attention.

minor asteroids and points:

North Node: Scorpio

Lilith: Scorpio

Vertex: Pisces

Fortune: Sagittarius

East Point: Virgo

Her North Node in Scorpio dictated that she needed to be careful not to let the more emotional side of her personality overwhelm her. Instead, she should have set out to consciously develop her more practical abilities. Her Lilith in Scorpio meant that she liked life intense and was judged for her sexuality and general vibe and learned early on how to deflect moral judgments. She may have been tried in the court of public opinion but no way was she going to show up for the sentencing. She seduced and conquered on a daily basis. She was fearless as an actress and otherwise. Her Part of Fortune in Sagittarius and Part of Spirit in Gemini dictated that her destiny lay in seeking truth, justice and fairness in any given situation. Fortune came through higher education, travel and philosophy. She found her greatest fortune in places far from her home. Happiness and success came from looking outside herself. Her soul’s purpose asked her to communicate fully and explore all forms of learning and knowledge. She felt spiritual connections and the spark of the divine through words and writing. East Point in Virgo dictated that she was most likely to personally identify with the need to work and to be pragmatic. She needed early responsibilities (which were within her capabilities). She tended to feel guilty when not working, as if she should be contributing in some way. She was generally identified with her work (“I am what I do.”) and with a performance orientation. If carried too far, this led to excessive self-criticism. When done in moderation, she was simply very practical and realistic, usually worked hard and saw life and herself clearly.

Vertex in Pisces, 6th house reveals that she had an internal yearning to personally interact with humankind. Her unspoken concept of intimacy blended in an almost mystical way with a need to alleviate suffering, accompanied by an indescribable capacity for compassion. She empathized with the tribulations of others. Her sexuality was often intense only because it is a natural part of human interaction and sometimes the only way to alleviate another's pain, however, briefly. There was a limit to how much she put up with, after all she was only human too. She had an attitude of duty, obligation and sacrifice when it came to heartfelt interactions. Here we often find associations unconsciously based on a medical or religious model of service and sometimes even sainthood. The negative side was the tendency to become hypochondriacal or martyristic to get the love she so desperately wanted. There was a need for others to appreciate the sincerity of her intentions, to the daily tasks she executed in a conscientious and caring way and for others to know that her actions, no matter how routine they may seem, awere based on devoted love.

elemental dominance:

air

earth

She was communicative, quick and mentally agile, and she liked to stir things up. She was likely a havoc-seeker on some level. She was oriented more toward thinking than feeling. She carried information and the seeds of ideas. Out of balance, she lived in her head and could be insensitive to the feelings of others. But at her best, she helped others form connections in all spheres of their daily lives. She was a practical, reliable woman and could provide structure and protection. She was oriented toward practical experience and thought in terms of doing rather than thinking, feeling, or imagining. Could be materialistic, unimaginative, and resistant to change. But at her best, she provided the practical resources, analysis, and leadership to make dreams come true.

modality dominance:

mutable

She wasn’t particularly interested in spearheading new ventures or dealing with the day-to-day challenges of organization and management. She excelled at performing tasks and producing outcomes. She was flexible and liked to finish things. Was also likely undependable, lacking in initiative, and disorganized. Had an itchy restlessness and an unwillingness to buckle down to the task at hand. Probably had a chronic inability to commit—to a job, a relationship, or even to a set of values.

house dominants:

5th

10th

4th

Her life had an emphasis on creativity and self-expression. This included new beginnings; in fact, it included any way in which her creativity manifested itself. It showed how she was special and stood out. Also indicated an emphasis on leisure activities and holidays, gambling and speculation, romance and courtship, entertainment, sport, and sex. Her ambition in relation to the outside world, the identity she wished to achieve in regard to the community at large, and her career aspirations were all themes that were emphasized throughout her life. All matters outside the home, her public image and reputation were very important to her. Her attitude to people in authority, and how she viewed the outside world, as well as the influence of her mother and her own attitude to her was highlighted. The domestic arena and the home were emphasized in her life. By extension, the influence of the family she was born into, and the parents that raised her, in particular her father, as well as her personal and private life was of paramount importance to her.

planet dominants:

Neptune

Mercury

Uranus

She was of a contemplative nature, particularly receptive to ambiances, places, and people. She gladly cultivated the art of letting go, and allowed the natural unfolding of events to construct her world. She followed her inspirations, for better or for worse. She was intelligent, mentally quick, and had excellent verbal acuity. She dealt in terms of logic and reasoning. It was likely that she was left-brained. She was restless, craved movement, newness, and the bright hope of undiscovered terrains. She was unique and protected her individuality. She had disruptions appear in her life that brought unpleasant and unexpected surprises and she immersed herself in areas of her life in which these disruptions occur. Change galvanized her. She was inventive, creative, and original.

sign dominants:

Aquarius

Gemini

Virgo

She was an original thinker, often eccentric, who prized individuality and freedom above all else. Her compassion, while genuine, rose from the intellect rather than the heart. She was hard to figure out because she was so often a paradox. She was patient but impatient; a nonconformist who conformed when it suited her; rebellious but peace-loving; stubborn and yet compliant when she wanted to be. She chafed at the restrictions placed upon her by society and sought to follow her own path. She ventured out to see what else was there and seized upon new ideas that expanded her community. Her innate curiosity kept her on the move. She used her rational, intellectual mind to explore and understand her personal world. She needed to answer the single burning question in her mind: why? This applied to most facets of her life, from the personal to the impersonal. This need to know sent her off to foreign countries, where her need to explore other cultures and traditions ranked high. She was changeable and often moody. This meant that she was often at odds with herself—the mind demanding one thing, the heart demanding the opposite. To someone else, this internal conflict often manifested as two very different people. She was a discriminating, attractive, thorough, scientific, hygienic, humane, scientific woman and had the highest standards. Her attention to detail was second to none and she had a deeply penetrative and investigative mind.

Read more about her under the cut.

Tallulah Brockman Bankhead was born on January 31, 1902 in Huntsville, Alabama. Her father was a mover and shaker in the Democratic Party who served as Speaker of the United States House of Representatives from June 4, 1936, to September 16, 1940. Tallulah had been interested in acting and, at age 15, started her stage career in the local theater troupes of Huntsville and the surrounding areas. At age 16, she won a beauty contest and, bolstered by this achievement, moved to New York City to live with her aunt and to try her hand at Broadway. She was offered a role in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1920), but did not take it after she refused John Barrymore's invitation for a visit to the casting couch. Unfortunately, for the young Miss Bankhead, she did not make any headway on the stages of New York, so she pulled up stakes and moved to London, in 1923, to try her luck there. For the next several years, she was the most popular actress of London's famed West End, the British equivalent of Broadway. After starring in several well-received plays, she gained the attention of Paramount Pictures executives and returned to the United States to try her hand at the film world. Her first two films, Woman's Law (1927) and His House in Order (1928), did not exactly set the world on fire, so she returned to do more stage work. She tried film work again with Tarnished Lady (1931), where she played Nancy Courtney, a woman who marries for money but ultimately gets bored with her husband and leaves him, only to come back to him when he is broke. The critics gave it a mixed reception. Tallulah's personality did not shine on film as Paramount executives had hoped. She tried again with My Sin (1931) as a woman with a secret past about to marry into money. Later that year, she made The Cheat (1931), playing Elsa Carlyle, a woman who sold herself to a wealthy Oriental merchant who brands her like she was his own property and is subsequently murdered. The next year, she shot Thunder Below (1932), Faithless (1932), Make Me a Star (1932) (she had a cameo role along with several other Paramount stars) and Devil and the Deep (1932). The latter film was a star-studded affair that made money at the box-office due to the cast (Gary Cooper, Charles Laughton and newcomer Cary Grant). The films she was making just did not do her talent any justice, so it was back to Broadway--she did not make another film for 11 years. She toured nationally, performing in all but three states. She was also a big hit at social affairs, where she often shocked the staid members of that society with her "untraditional" behavior. She chain-smoked and enjoyed more than her share of Kentucky bourbon, and made it a "habit" to take her clothes off and chat in the nude. A friend and fellow actress remarked on one occasion, "Tallulah dear, why are you always taking your clothes off? You have such lovely frocks." She was also famous--or infamous--for throwing wild parties that would last for days. She returned to films in 1943 with a cameo in Stage Door Canteen (1943), but it was Lifeboat (1944) for director Alfred Hitchcock that put her back into the limelight. However, the limelight did not shine for long. After shooting A Royal Scandal (1945) she did not appear on film again until she landed a role in Die! Die! My Darling! (1965). Her film and small-screen work consisted of a few TV spots and the voice of the Sea Witch in the animated film The Daydreamer (1966), so she went back to the stage, which had always been first and foremost in her heart. To Tallulah, there was nothing like a live audience to perform for, because they, always, showed a lot of gratitude. On December 12, 1968, Tallulah Bankhead died at age 66 of pneumonia in her beloved New York City. While she made most of her fame on the stages of the world, the film industry and its history became richer because of her talent and her very colorful personality. Today her phrase, "Hello, Dahling" is known throughout the entertainment world. (x)

#star analyses #aquarius #tallulah bankhead #scandalous stars #astrology #long ass post #mine

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grace-lightwoodd · 3 years ago

Note

I saw you’re updated prompt list can I request number 18 “I didn’t want to be a burden,” for my otp, Thomastair please 💕

I didn’t want to be a burden

Ship: Thomastair

Prompt list: x

Warnings: suicidal ideation, implied depression, intrusive thoughts.

Notes: Please reach out if you are struggling, you aren’t alone <3

•••

Thomas didn’t know when it started. He didn’t know when he’d stopped being able to sleep, his mind occupied with thoughts he knew he should never think.

He didn’t know when the sleepless nights had turned into something much, much worse, something he began to dread each time the sky bled as the sun disappeared under the horizon.

It was nights like this that Thomas craved relief. From what, he couldn’t be certain. He’d no reason to feel this way, he knew. Other people had it worse, so who was he to be so self-centered that he couldn’t bring himself to even think about anything but his own pain? Why did he lie in his bed night after night, considering an escape?

Then he thought of his parents, who had already lost a child. They couldn’t lose another one; It would have broken them. He thought of his sister, who’d already been through so much. She knew the worst of the world: she’d seen the cruel words and the unkind realities nobody should ever have to know. Thomas refused to be the reason she knew that pain.

He thought of Alastair. Thomas’ suffering was nothing compared to his. And if Alastair was healing, why wasn’t Thomas?

And then the realization had sunk in: the only reason he was still alive was because of those around him. Thomas only lived because of his partner, his parents, his sister, his friends.

He knew that his mere existence was an inconvenience, but his death would only burden them more.

God, Thomas was so selfish. He was selfish to even entertain the idea. Hell, he was selfish to even believe that anyone would bat an eyelid at his passing.

Would anyone even miss him?

He could feel his heart racing, his breath coming out in uneven huffs. He could feel the sting of tears in his eyes, but all he could think about was how pathetic he’d look if anyone saw him.

Then, as if Thomas had somehow manifested his nightmare scenario into reality, the bed shifted with a small groan. Alastair was awake.

Thomas quickly wiped away his tears, desperately trying to calm his erratic breathing before his partner asked questions.

Too late.

“Thomas?” Alastair asked, his voice thick with sleep. “Are you alright?”

One simple question. That was all it took for him to break down, letting go of any last bit of pride he had left as broken sobs escaped his lips.

“I’m sorry,” Thomas sobbed, his hands coming up to cover his face. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” said Alastair, scooting closer to his partner. “It’s alright.”

It couldn’t be further from okay. How was Alastair so nonchalant about this? Was he annoyed? He’d every reason to be—it was the middle of the night, after all. Thomas had just woken him up with his groveling and self-pity. Anyone with half a mind would be angry at him for the inconvenience.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alastair asked gently. “You don’t have to if you don’t wish to.”

Against Thomas’ best wishes, he told Alastair everything. Words gushed from his lips like blood from an open wound; he barely processed he thoughts before he voiced them aloud, only pausing every once in a while to let another round of sobs shake his body.

Alastair remained silent, patiently listening. Even in the darkness of the night, Thomas could see the tears glistening in his eyes as he covered his mouth with his fist.

When Thomas finished speaking, the room went silent. Too silent, in his opinion. It allowed his mind to run, to come up with scenarios he knew to be unrealistic.

What if Alastair left? What if he couldn’t stand to be a part of Thomas’ life anymore?

His eyes darted around the room, searching for anything to focus on other than Alastair. There wasn’t much to look at; everything was covered with a dark veil of shadow, making it difficult to see the entire room.

Rough skin grazed Thomas’ hand as Alastair interlocked their fingers. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked gently. “Have you even told anyone?”

Thomas shook his head, still unable to meet his eye. “I didn’t want to be a burden.”

“A burden?” He echoed. “The people worth knowing will never be burdened by you. And the people you know are some of the best.”

“You’re not angry?”

Alastair brought Thomas’ hand up to his lips, planting a gentle kiss on his knuckles. “I’m angry at myself for letting you think that you could ever be a burden. Pain isn’t a competition. Everyone experiences it, and we all experience it in different ways. There is no pain that is lesser than any other.”

Thomas cuddled into Alastair’s chest, resting his head over his heart. Neither of them spoke, the only sound being Alastair’s steady heartbeat under Thomas’ ear.

And for the first time in what felt like an eternity, Thomas could feel hope swell in his chest. He was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, the promise of something better. A life where he wouldn’t think of his own death.

He knew that it was a ways away, but he didn’t care. Now he could see a future where he didn’t used to. He could see happiness in his reach.

He wasn’t Tantalus, reaching for something that seemed within his reach but would shrink away whenever he tried to grab it. He was no longer grasping at straws in a pathetic attempt at attaining happiness.

It was within reach. It was here, even. It always would be, when Alastair was around.

Thomas could feel the light in his heart, the way that Alastair always seemed to make everything a little bit better. In the darkest of days, Alastair was the light.

Thomas hadn’t been hurt like James had, he hadn’t had his reputation compromised like Eugenia, he hadn’t been forced to grow up too soon like Alastair. Everyone around him knew pain like he never would, but his own was still valid.

In the end, they were all made out of flesh that could be cut, bones that could be broken. And that wasn’t a bad thing. Because the flesh could heal, and the bones could mend. And that was all that really mattered.

Taglist (lmk to be added or removed): @writeforjordelia @ohcoolnice @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1

#alastair carstairs #thomas lightwood #Thomastair #chain of iron #the last hours #tlh #tsc #chain of gold #tw suicidal thoughts #tw intrusive thoughts #bella projects her issues onto fictional characters

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melanielocke · 3 years ago

Text

Lost in the Shadows - Chapter 31

AO3

Taglist: @alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised @alastair-appreciation-month

Previous Chapter: Chapter 30

Next Chapter: Chapter 32

Warning: this is a heavier chapter, dealing with some self decrepetating thoughts, not suicidal thoughts but somewhat similar

‘And what do you have to offer?’ the thief asked.

Part of Alastair still couldn’t quite believe he’d done it. He’d summoned the thief of souls and could make a deal with him. Alastair wasn’t like Benedict or Tatiana, he wouldn’t kill another person, not even for Thomas. But he still had plenty to offer.

‘Myself,’ Alastair said. ‘In exchange for the life of Thomas Lightwood. He’ll live, and you can take me instead.’

‘Not much faith in your friends, I see,’ the thief said. ‘Not even in that little witch? I must admit I had not expected her, I do tend to lose track of my children, I thought Tessa had died. I had no idea Tessa had a daughter who’d inherited her gifts.’

They should have succeeded already, and if they hadn’t that meant Thomas was about to die. Realistically, there was no reason to have faith, which meant now was the time for more drastic measures. With Cordelia probably dead and Thomas soon to follow, what was there for him anyway? At least Thomas still had his family. Thomas could love again.

‘They have failed. So now it is up to me. My soul, in exchange for Thomas.’

The thief laughed. It was an odd sort of laugh, not quite like the evil laughter you saw in movies but unsettling still. ‘And why would I take such a deal?’

‘You know about my memory,’ Alastair said evenly.

‘Ah, yes. I admit you would make an interesting addition. A broken soul with a magic memory. I’ve never heard of such a power before. Thomas’ sight makes him valuable, of course, but I might not find a soul quite like yours ever again. It is a tempting offer.’

A broken soul with a magic memory. He guessed that was what he was. Too broken, perhaps, to be happy. He’d thought with Thomas he could find another way. But if Thomas died, what would be the point? It would be a blow from which he could never recover.

He wished it didn’t have to come to this, he wished the two of them could have a future together. But some things just weren’t meant to be and if either of them should get to live, it was Thomas.

‘Precisely,’ Alastair said. ‘It is a good trade, isn’t it? I don’t ask for power, or magic, or anything. All I want is that Thomas recovers and lives.’

The thief eyed him curiously. ‘You’d sacrifice yourself for him. Why?’

‘Because I love him. Because as you said, I am a broken soul,’ Alastair said. ‘I have no interest in living in a world where I couldn’t save him. So instead I’m here, offering myself.’

The thief put up an arm, gesturing as he spoke. ‘You could easily offer another. There are all kinds of souls I am interested in.’

‘I would not become a murderer for him. My own soul is what I have to offer. Nothing else.’

The thief seemed confused by his statement. How many would make the same choice, he wondered. It couldn’t be that uncommon, to love another enough to be willing to make such a trade, right? Whereas only the worst of people would kill to get what they want.

‘Alright,’ the thief said. ‘Amuse me. I will take your soul to my world, separated from your body but not quite dead. From there you have two options. You can find your way out of my realm. Your soul will be reunited with your body as long as it still lives, the deal will be off and Thomas is mine to claim.’

A way out, that was good, he guessed. If Cordelia and Lucie miraculously succeeded, they might still save him if his body was not yet dead. It would be up to them now. Perhaps there was still hope. Realistically, Alastair knew Thomas was not literally all he had, and that there were still a few people who would miss him. He also knew there was no way he’d survive without him. He was already so broken, Thomas’ death would be more than he could take. How had Lucie survived after losing Jesse? She’d been so young. Alastair remembered Cordelia would spend days, weeks, months with her, comforting her friend. He knew Cordelia would do the same for him. He knew it wouldn’t be enough, if she was even alive. Alastair had to face the truth, she probably wasn’t.

‘But if you wish to save your love, you must find him in my realm. His body is here, alive, but most of his soul is with me already, enough for him to have formed here. That’s why you cannot wake him. If you kiss his soul on the lips, he’ll be saved and you will die.

And if you fail at both, if after twenty four hours you have not found your love and still reside in my realm, you are both mine and will both die.’

It was a risk. Alastair had seen the thief’s realm in Barbara’s memory, it might not be easy to find Thomas. But he would be able to find his way around there, and he had some ideas of where Thomas might go. It was worth a try.

‘I accept to your terms,’ Alastair said.

‘Good. Now, sealing the deal requires another kiss.’

Alastair made face. ‘You mean you want me to kiss you?’

The thief laughed. The sound chilled him to the bone. ‘No. I mean your twenty four hours will start once you kiss your Thomas. You have until midnight, if you do not kiss him before then the deal is off. I suggest you make your peace, write a note to your family. After all, you won’t ever see them again.’

Alastair felt a heavy weight settle in his stomach. The thief was right. He would never see Cordelia again. Never meet the baby, never make his peace, he would never recover from everything he’d been through. This was it, this was where he would die. For Thomas, it was worth it, but Alastair wished it could be different.

He quickly wrote a note for Cordelia, in case she was still alive and would find him. No, he couldn’t let himself think that. Cordelia couldn’t be dead. His mother should have at least one child alive, one of them should get to go home to her and meet the baby and live. Someone would read the note, if not Cordelia herself. He left the note outside near the circle, kept in place underneath a rock, and then he wrote another note. This one for Thomas, who would wake up within the next twenty four hours and find Alastair dead. Alastair gently put it under Thomas’ pillow, and then sat down on the bed next to him. He knew Thomas was far away and couldn’t hear him, but Alastair spoke to him anyway.

‘I’m so sorry, Tom,’ Alastair said. ‘But there’s only one way to save you now. And I will. I promised I won’t let you die, and it’s a promise I intend to keep. You’ll survive, and I know it’ll be hard at first. I know losing me is like nothing you ever experienced, I know you’ll miss me and I’m sorry I have to put you through that. But you’ll find happiness again, I’m sure of it. You’ll heal, and you’ll go on with your life and when the time is right you’ll find another man, someone who can love you better than I ever could. Please don’t hold back for my sake. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I really should have known this was the best I could do for you.’

Alastair was crying, and he desperately tried to wipe the tears from his eyes. He wanted so badly to be with Thomas, to have him here alive and well, and give him everything he could. He wanted to go to museums with him and he wanted Thomas to meet his family, and eventually the baby. He’d envisioned a future for them, something that could never be.

Alastair gently stroke Thomas’ cheek. Part of him wanted to lie down here, crawl into Thomas’ arms before kissing him. It would be cruel, to let Thomas wake up next to his dead body, but as per the thief’s term, there was no other way, he’d die right here in this room. But perhaps Thomas would want to hold him as he died. It was the way Alastair wanted to go, that he was sure of. He’d gone so long without receiving the affection he craved, if he died he wished to at least be in Thomas’ arms.

It felt wrong, to kiss him without asking, but it was the only way to save his life. In the end, Alastair settled beside Thomas, holding his hand. He knew it was selfish to want to die close to Thomas, their hands intertwined. He leaned over and quickly kissed Thomas on the lips. It felt like falling, falling into the nothing until he awoke in the dark realm of the thief of souls.

***

Cordelia didn’t know what to do anymore. Her brother was still breathing, he had a pulse but both were so weak. He was in a deep sleep and no one could wake either of them up. In Thomas’ case, she understood it was because of what Tatiana was doing. He would die tonight, if Tatiana succeeded. Cordelia didn’t quite understand why she hadn’t before. Unless Alastair had interfered somehow. Was that even possible?

‘What have you done, Alastair joon?’ she asked him, tears in her eyes.

‘They’re still not awake, are they?’

Cordelia didn’t recognize the girl who entered the room. She looked Indian, she guessed, Cordelia didn’t think she was related to the Lightwoods.

‘I’m Kamala,’ she said. ‘Genie asked me if I could try to heal them.’

‘Genie?’ Cordelia asked, a little confused with what was going on.

‘Thomas’ sister Eugenia. We arrived last afternoon. Your brother was still awake back then. Can I try if there’s anything I can do? I admit it’s unlikely, but the least I could do is try. My gift is minor, you see, I mainly heal injuries. I doubt I’ll wake him up.’

‘No, go ahead,’ Cordelia said. ‘It’s worth a shot.’

Kamala touched Alastair’s cheek first, holding her hand there for a while. Then Thomas’.

‘His pulse picked up,’ Kamala said. ‘Thomas is the same, Alastair seems a little improved? But still in coma, so it’s probably not helpful. I’m sorry.’

Cordelia nodded. Kamala had done the best she could. None of them understood what had happened to Alastair. Kamala walked out, but Cordelia remained in the room, holding Alastair’s free hand. Perhaps Jem would know what was wrong with him, she thought, as she saw her cousin walk in.

‘Cordelia, Lucie found something you should see,’ he said in a calm but pained tone.

Cordelia knew whatever Lucie had found, it wasn’t good news. She sat down as Lucie handed her a note, holding her hand. ‘I didn’t read it,’ Lucie promised. ‘But I found it outside, hidden underneath a stone, in a drawn circle…’

‘Alastair, what did you do?’ she whispered.

Cordelia opened the letter, hoping she would find something reassuring there. Hoping it said Alastair was going to be alright and would just be sleeping for a little while. Foolish, she knew, but hope played wicked games with the mind.

Dear Cordelia,

I know while I’m writing this you’re probably already dead. But still I write, because even with a minor chance that you’re alive, I wanted to explain to you what happened. And I thought, maybe your ghost would visit, and wish to read my last words. Either way, there are some things I wanted you to know.

It has been too long since I heard from you, and if you’re still alive I know you have not succeeded in stopping Tatiana. That means Thomas would die at midnight, unless someone else intervened. So I did.

I summoned the thief of souls. I know what you’re going to say, but I firmly believe it was the right choice. He offered me a deal, I can go into his realm as a soul, and search for Thomas. If I escape his realm, I survive and Thomas dies, but if I find and kiss Thomas within the timeframe he has given me, I will take his place and die and Thomas will live. There’s a chance that I fail and we both die, but I’m trying not to think about that. I won’t fail Thomas, I will find him. Perhaps, if you and Lucie kill the thief before our agreement is fulfilled, we can both survive. I am not counting on it. But if you see this, hurry and you might still save me.

I am sorry to leave you alone, assuming of course you will ever see this letter. I want you to know this is not what I wanted. I know you worry about me hurting myself, but I assure you I did not make this choice because I wanted to end my life. Rather, I wanted Thomas to live, and this is the best I can do for him. I know it will hurt him to lose me, but I’m afraid there is no other way now.

I wanted you to know, that I do love you. For years, you were my reason to live. I know I haven’t always been the best brother to you, and for that I am sorry. I still find it difficult to tell you how I feel, even in a letter you may very well never read. But you must know that without you, I likely would not have survived until now and for that I am grateful. What would be the point?

I love you, Layla, and I’m begging you to live. I know losing me will be hard, but maman and the baby will need you. I love them both very much, please tell them that, alright?

Love

Alastair

Cordelia read the letter a second time, a third, to try and find a hint that it wasn’t real, that Alastair could wake up any moment now. Then she burst into tears. Alastair had sacrificed himself for Thomas, given his life. He’d been under the impression that she was dead, even if he’d still written this letter just in case she’d make it back.

He was going to die. Unless Cordelia saved him before his deal ended. She put her hand on her necklace. With cortana, she would slay the thief of souls. She would not allow him to take her brother away from her. He should get to go home, he should get to meet the baby. He claimed it wasn’t what he wanted, and Cordelia believed this wasn’t a suicide attempt, but it wasn’t the choice a healthy person would make, was it?

It frightened her to know Alastair would trade away his life, his soul, for Thomas. She knew he would do the same for her, but Cordelia would never want that. She was fairly certain Thomas didn’t either.

Cordelia found a clean paper tissue somewhere and dried her tears. She would find him. She and Lucie would go into the realm of the thief of souls, kill the thief and bring back Alastair and Thomas. She would destroy him for taking her brother.

She understood now why Jesse had not come to life last night, why Thomas still lived. For what it was worth, Alastair’s sacrifice had saved Thomas, at least for another day. From the contents of Alastair’s letter, she presumed both their souls were in his realm while there bodies lived. That’s why they couldn’t wake up.

She returned to the living room of the cottage, which had become entirely too crowded.

Gideon had returned, his arm encased in a cast. Kamala was next to him, touching his arm, a concentrated look on her face. Cordelia realized she must be trying to heal him, or at least speed up the process. Gideon looked exhausted.

Thomas’ sisters were beside him and the oldest turned her attention to Cordelia. ‘My mother told me what you can do. Is there anything left we can do to save Tommy?’

‘I think so,’ Cordelia said. She would have to explain then, what Alastair had done. What she and Lucie would have to do. ‘Alastair has made a deal with the thief of souls. Something that presumably saved Thomas last night. He traded away his own soul, and had twenty four hours to find Thomas in the land of the thief of souls and wake him. If he fails, they’ll both die. But there’s another option, which is that Lucie and I enter this realm and kill the thief of souls before the deal is done. Alastair and Thomas are both still alive for now. I think taking back their souls will save them. But we don’t have much time. Lucie and I have to go.’

***

Alastair appeared in a palace. It wasn’t the same as the ruins in the woods. Admittedly, this one was more to his taste. It was built in an ancient Greece inspired style. Pillars decorated with ionic curls, and an open garden in the middle of the house.

‘Do you like it?’ a man asked.

He didn’t look like the thief as he’d appeared in his circle, but from his voice Alastair recognized him. A shapeshifter, of course he was. That’s why Tessa had inherited that power from him.

‘This will be your home after all,’ the thief continued, shifting in yet another form, a handsome brown haired young man wearing a roman style toga. ‘It doesn’t have to be so bad, you know. I know it looks rather horrifying out there. So many lost, hopeless souls. Many of them have their use and give me power, but are not particularly useful people. Some are pretty enough to look at and get to work around me. Only a few are like you. That memory ability is why I wanted you, of course, but you’re clever and cunning. I know you think the way I do. If you do well, you could even become my second in command.’

Alastair didn’t think he had any interest in being a personal assistant or even second in command to the thief. But if Lucie and Cordelia failed, if they were already dead or failed to slay the thief, Alastair would do it. He could be patient, he could be clever. He could get close enough to the thief to destroy him. He didn’t care how long it would take.

‘You will be summoned back here once you free your love,’ the thief said. ‘Permanently dead, that is. You may still feel a sliver of a connection to your body for now, feel free to ignore that. It will be gone soon enough. Good luck, Alastair Carstairs, for my realm is vast and Thomas Lightwood is free to dwell wherever he wishes. Or perhaps it’s best to leave him be for now. Why save him, when you can keep him here with you forever? If you proof to be a good assistant, you could keep him here with you in the palace. You could be together, forever. Or you could set him free and never see him again. Your choice.’

‘I will find him,’ Alastair said, turning his back on the thief and the palace and entering the vast woods.

It looked a bit different here from where he’d previously entered, the forest was dense and mostly consisted of pine trees. He couldn’t say he understood exactly how this realm was layered over the realm world, Alastair suspected it was smaller, and consisted mostly of forest where the souls wandered.

He thought of the comment the thief had made, and Alastair hated to admit he pictured what it would be like in his head. Stay there with Thomas. It would not be much, not until they destroyed the thief together, but it could be something, and they would be together. But Alastair would not do such a thing. He’d come here to save Thomas’ life, and he would. Even if it meant they would never see each other again.

He wondered if he should explain it all to Thomas, and let him choose what he wanted. Perhaps he’d urge Alastair to find the exit, and help him go home. Perhaps he’d choose to stay together. But Thomas was young and in love and he would make the wrong choice. If he stayed with Alastair, he would never see his parents or sisters again, he would lose everything. If he left, he’d only lose Alastair, and in time he’d realize Alastair had not been his life after all, and he could love another. It was selfish to wish for them to stay together, and Alastair refused to be that selfish. Thomas would live, it was the only possible outcome.

***

Thomas wasn’t so sure who he was anymore. He knew his name. Thomas Gabriel Lightwood. He repeated it to himself. Thomas Gabriel Lightwood, that was his name. He was fairly certain Gabriel came from his uncle, although he could not remember who this man was, could not picture his face in his head. He had parents, that he could be sure of.

Thomas wandered aimlessly through a pine forest. Where was he, anyway? What was this place? He felt like he should know, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. It was frustrating. There were more people around here, and Thomas decided to ask a woman.

‘Who are you?’ he asked.

The woman stared at him blankly, then turned around and walked away. That wasn’t helpful. He tried with a few more souls. Some gave him a name, others walked away. Some even pretended they did not hear him at all. Perhaps they really didn’t.

Thomas closed his eyes. There had to be someone he remembered. Deep in his memories he found a man in his forties. Green eyes. Light brown hair, or was it dark blonde? The doubt about the hair color sparked a memory.

‘Dad has blonde hair,’ a round faced girl of about eight or nine years old said.

A smaller girl disagreed. ‘No, it’s brown. Are you blind? It’s clearly brown.’

The two girls resembled each other. Both had brown hair, darker than the father they were discussing, who sat on the couch with them, laughing at the argument his daughters were having. Thomas had been very small then, nothing like he was now. He’d walked to the couch and pulled at the man’s leg. His father, he realized. He had a father and two sisters.

His father picked him up and Thomas crawled into his lap. He was fairly sure his hair was brown, just a few shades lighter than Thomas’ own brown hair. His father put his hand against Thomas’ small forehead.

‘You’re burning up, Tommy. I think you have a fever again.’

‘Don’t wanna go back to bed,’ Thomas protested. ‘Not tired.’

Even at this young age of three, he’d learned that when he had a fever, he would have to go to bed and rest. But Thomas didn’t want to rest, he wanted to play with his new airplane toy.

‘Sophie, can you get the thermometer?’ his father asked.

A little later, he saw his mother, the familiar scar on her cheek comforting.

‘Hold still, Tom,’ she said as she put the thermometer in his ear.

He struggled against the grip, but his father held him until his mother was done taking his temperature.

‘You’ve got a fever again,’ his mother said. ‘I’ll call the doctor. A child shouldn’t be ill this frequent, right?’

‘Don’t wanna go to the doctor,’ Thomas protested.

‘You’re going to be alright, Tommy,’ his father said gently. ‘Your mother and I will come with you, there’s no need to be scared. We will always be there for you.’

Thomas realized the memory had been years ago, when he was about three or four. He had parents who loved him very much. Two sisters who were protective of him. He had a family he needed to return to, but Thomas had no idea where they were or how to find them.

He remembered someone else. A girl with brown hair and blue eyes who was excitedly telling him about this new book series she’d started. It was a about a land with witches where people had all sorts of powers called witcheries. The main character could discern lies from truth and was sought after because she was the only one who could and fleeing from an arranged marriage to an emperor. Her best friend was a threadwitch and she was this girl’s favorite. Although her powers were not quite the same as the other threadwitches. Thomas could not quite remember what the differences were. Then there was a windwitch prince from a small, starving kingdom who’d agreed to help the two girls, and a bloodwitch who hunted them. The girl was a writer herself, Thomas realized, and she was a dear friend. He’d ended up reading the series she’d recommended, and then had to wait for a long time for the next book.

Then he remembered a boy with a deep golden brown skin and dark eyes and hair. Thomas couldn’t quite tell who he was, but he had to be the most beautiful man Thomas had ever seen. He’d been angry and bitter once, Thomas remembered, although he wasn’t sure why. Then he’d been tired and sad. Lately, he’d been happy too though, at least sometimes. Thomas secretly hoped he had something to do with that. He felt this boy was important to him, and he needed to make sure he was alright. He couldn’t do that from here.

Trying to orientate himself, Thomas kept walking. He needed to find people he remembered. He needed to find his mother and father, who undoubtedly worried for him. He needed to find his sisters, because even if they would stuff him back in bed and shove a thermometer into his ear, Thomas remembered he loved them. He needed to find the girl with the blue eyes, because Thomas knew she was his friend, even if he didn’t remembered her beyond that. And he needed to find that dark haired boy, who wasn’t alright, and might never be. But Thomas would be there, to help him through it, to help him find happiness. He needed to go home. The memories, he hoped, would follow.

#Alastair Carstairs #Thomas Lightwood #Cordelia Carstairs #Lucie Herondale #Thomastair #Lucelia #fanfiction #the last hours #tlh

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merry-thieves · 4 years ago

Text

Possible meanings of Chain of Iron snippets

Yes, this is going to be a long post.

I didn’t put all teasers here only those where I could actually come up with something.

Alastair looked amused. “Never before have I heard such a concise statement of the ludicrous philosophy with which you and your school friends go through the world.”

So, Alastair is definitely speaking to one of the Merry Thieves

probably James, since Al and Matthew aren’t on the best terms and conversations between Thomas and Al would go in another direction (either fighting or with way more feelings)

it seems like James and Alastair are on quite good terms here if Alastair isn’t snappish and shows his true (happy) emotions

Anna was fortress-surrounded by her friends: tall, handsome Thomas; Christopher, who shared his sister’s stern delicacy of feature, peacock Matthew, who always looked as if he’d just rolled out of an unmade bed piled with silks and velvet. And Eugenia Lightwood, who hadn’t bothered to take off her canary-yellow gloves or hat, as if she were ready to run out the door any moment.

They all eyed Ariadne suspiciously as she approached Anna. Anna didn’t seem to see her at all; she was leaning back with one booted foot braced on the wall behind her. She was all lean black and white lines, her close-fitting jacket following the outline of her slim curves, her head thrown back as she laughed. Her ruby pendant glimmered in the hollow of her throat.

Keep your head up, Ariadne, she told herself. You can do this.

“Hello, Anna,” Ariadne said.

First of all, Eugenia is in this group which is interesting regarding the main characters in Chain of Iron

Is Eugenia part of the main group? Has she an important role to play? (we are supposed to find out the reason why she is disgraced)

We have Ariadne’s pov here, so she might play a big role too in Choi, at least we will have more of her and Anna’s relationship

Also, she calls Matthew “peacock” which is so accurate and funny!

Alastair’s gaze flicked to Matthew. “Why,” he said, “are you not even wearing a hat?”

“And cover up this hair?” Matthew indicated his golden locks with a flourish. “Would you blot out the sun?”

Okay, Matthew and Alastair aren’t brawling which is a good sign

Also, where are they? There has to be a good reason if both of them are attending and standing next to each other

I’m guessing they’re outside since they’re supposed to wear hats

The brave princess Lucretia raced through the marble halls of the palace. "I must find Cordelia," she gasped. "I must save her."

"I believe the Prince holds her even now, captive in his throne room!" Sir Jerrod exclaimed. "But Princess Lucretia, even though you are the most beautiful and wise lady that I have ever met, surely you cannot fight your way through a hundred of his stoutest palace guard!" The knight’s green eyes flashed. His straight black hair was disarranged, and his white shirt was entirely undone.

"But I must!" Lucretia cried.

So, the main thing I want to point out here is that Lucie is crushing so hard on Jesse!

and does she picture him with an open shirt or am I reading too much into this?

James spoke at last, and there was real kindness in his voice. “You must give people time, Alastair,” he said. “We are none of us perfect, and no one expects perfection. But when you have hurt people you must allow them their anger. Otherwise it will only become another thing you have tried to take away.”

Alastair seemed to hesitate. “James,” he said. “Does he think —“

Soooo, James and Alastair are friendly now? (please, please, please)

And who does Alastair have to give time? Matthew or more likely Thomas?

Also, James is one eloquent babe

“I know that you’ve been doing something — something you’re keeping secret. I’m not angry,” Cordelia hastened to add. “I just wish you’d tell me what it is.”

Lucie tried to cover her surprise.

it was about time that those two speak about all their secrets! They want to become Parabatai for Raziel’s sake!

but I have the sneaking suspicion that Lucie is going to deflect the question or is going to make something up to avoid telling the truth

(please let me be wrong)

“Alastair! Cordelia!” A familiar voice bellowed up from downstairs.

Sona went white and laid a hand against the wall to steady herself. “Elias?”

I’m not sure about you guys but going white and bracing oneself against a wall doesn’t seem like someone is happy

So, I guess Sona isn’t really happy that Elias is back

is there another reason besides the drinking why she isn’t

and is Elias mad at his children? I mean he is bellowing

also why is Elias mad at all? All his charges were dropped and he is a free man once more

Cordelia shivered a little, though it was not cold in the room. “There is something weighing on you, Matthew,” she said gently. “A secret. Will you tell me what it is?”

She saw his hand go to his breast pocket, where he often kept his flask. Then he lowered it stiffly to his side and took a deep breath. “You do not know what you are asking.”

“Yes, I do,” she said. “I am asking for the truth. Your truth. You know mine, and I do not even know what makes you so unhappy.”

Cordelia told Matthew everything about her father and maybe about her feelings for James

if we’re lucky Matthew tells Cordelia about the poisoning and someone can finally help him (I think CC said that Matthew would tell Cordelia everything in Chain of Iron, hopefully that’s true)

also, Matthew doesn’t want to drink after Cordelia told him the story about her father

Matthew also found out why Alastair had been so mean in school and that Matthew can't really partially blame him for what happened with Charlotte

Jesse glanced out the window. They were passing through Piccadilly Circus, nearly deserted at such a late hour. The statue of Eros in the center was lightly dusted with snow; a lone tramp slept upon the steps below it. “Don’t have too much hope, Lucie. Sometimes hope is dangerous.”

“Have you said that to Grace?”

Jesse shook his head. “She won’t listen.”

is there a possibility that Lucie won’t try to raise Jesse from the dead and instead tries to stop Grace from doing so? (the parallels between this and qoaad are uncanny)

I don’t think that there is anything that will stop grace from trying to perform necromancy other than force

“I’ve been trying to hate you,” Thomas said quietly, “for what you did to Matthew. You richly deserve to be hated for what you have done.”

Alastair’s dark eyes glittered. “It wasn’t just his mother I slandered. It was your father, too. You know it. So you don’t have to—to act all high-minded about this. Stop pretending you are only upset on behalf of Matthew. Hate me on your own behalf, Thomas.”

he is calling him Thomas!!! Ahhhh! (so they’re probably alone)

Thomas doesn’t really hate Alastair at this point but also hasn’t fully forgiven him

at least he hasn’t thrown Alastair into the themes

maybe Thomas is trying to suppress the fact that Alastair also wronged Thomas’s own family and it’s easier for him to direct his attention to Matthew’s family?

His golden eyes were fixed on her, fierce as a hawk’s gaze. She said, "It doesn’t matter what I said. I wanted them to leave you alone —"

"I don’t believe you," he said. She could feel the slight tremors running through his body — tremors of stress, that meant he was holding himself very still. Holding himself back. "You don’t say things you don’t mean, Daisy —"

Okay now, what did she say? I’m guessing something quite flattering or that she loved him maybe?

also, who didn’t want to leave James alone? Some bigoted Enclave members?

is James trying to fight against the bracelet’s spell? Or is he breaking Cordelia’s heart yet again?

James closed his eyes. Against the back of his eyelids, he could see the city take shape—the minarets flung darkly against a blue sky, the silver river. Cordelia’s voice, low and familiar, rose above the clamor of his nightmare. He followed it out of the darkness, like Theseus following the length of thread out of the Minotaur’s labyrinth. And it was not the first time. Her voice had lifted him out of fever, once, had been his light in shadows. . . . A sharp pain spiked through his temples. He blinked his eyes open: he was firmly back in the present, his friends all looking at him worriedly. Cordelia had already moved away from him, leaving behind the lingering scent of jasmine. He could still feel where her fingers had rested against his shoulder.

JORDELIA! (Sorry; I just had to get that out)

What city is this? One in a demon dimension?

And does James have some kind of visions now? Interesting...

I love the connection between James and Cordelia

Apparently, the gracelet is trying to suppress James's feelings and memories of Cordelia...but please tell me he notices here that he is in love with her?

Also, Cordelia is trying to stay away from James :(

Hands caught his wrists; he was hauled up roughly, an arm around his back. he smelled brandy and cologne.

“Matthew,” he said, in a dry voice. “James needs water,” Christopher said. “Do we have any water?” “Never touch the stuff,” said Matthew, settling James onto the long sofa. He sat down next to him, staring so intently into James’s face that, despite everything, James had to stifle a laugh. “I’m fine, Matthew,” said James. “Also, I don’t know what you expect to discover by looking into my eyeball.”

Okay WHAT IS UP with James in the latest snippets?!? I NEED answers!

Is James follwing in his father's footsteps? Regarding drugs you know...

Also, Matthew has a tendency to stare into Jame's face (not that I blame him)

Christopher!

Okay, I'm devestated that James knows it's Matthew because he smells of alcohol. I'm NOT okay!

Also, what kind of stuff is this?

“You should have told us,” said Thomas. “We would have helped you move your things. I’m exceptionally good at carrying large objects.” “And think of all those hairbrushes you would have had to relocate,” Lucie said. “Haven’t you got six or seven?” Matthew glowered at her affectionately. “I try to be at least as stylish as our local ghosts.”

I think it's clear that Matthew just moved and didn't tell any of his friends of his plans...Why Matthew, why?

Also, Thomas and Lucie are just so wholesome how they try to brighten the situation with their comments

Sooooo, is Thomas also good at carrying people *cough*Alastair*cough*, just asking...?

How many Hairbrushes does one need? Seriously, what kind of purpose do seven hairbrushes serve?

Don't worry Matthew, only Magnus can beat your stylishness

That’s all for now! Should I add anything else in your opinion?

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sheisbeautyweareworldass · 4 years ago

Text

Better days

Thomas has a nightmare, Alastair is there for him.

Words count: 1.783

TW: death mention

Author note: This is fluffy, very fluffy. I wasn't kidding when I said I was a softie. I know a lot of people love angst stuff so..... just letting you guys know <3

---------X---------

Thomas woke up sweating, gasping – his heartbeat sounding like a drum to his own ears. He rubbed his eyes, trying to shake away any trace of sleep from them. The room was still dark, dim moonlight coming through the window. He looked at the other side of the bed, where Alastair was sleeping peacefully. The last thing Thomas wanted was to wake him up with his ragged breath.

Thomas really wished he could go back to sleep, but he had no idea how. His mother always said that there was nothing that tea couldn’t heal – maybe the tea he’d drunk before going to bed was still warm? Or maybe he should go outside for some fresh air, and walk for a while – clear up his mind. His gaze followed Alastair’s frame next to him – it would be easy for him to calm down if his lover was already awake, but he would not wake Alastair up just because of a bad dream. Last night tea, it is then, he decided.

The taller boy was on mid-step when he heard a noise coming from behind – duvets moving and a sharp breath of someone who didn’t expect to be awake.

“Thomas?” Alastair said, destroying any hopes he had of sneaking out in secret.

“I’m sorry.” He turned to face his boyfriend. “I tried to not make any sound to wake you.”

“It wasn’t your noise who woke me up, hamsar-am, it was your absence.” He said calmly – his hand was resting on the spot of the bed where Thomas was seconds ago. The Lightwood boy felt his heart flip, as it always did when Alastair directed such words to him, warm content spreading all over his body. “Why are you awake?”

There was no point in lying, he knew. “Nightmare,” Thomas told him.

He watched the way Alastair’s eyes got darker in understanding. Thomas’ nightmares didn’t happen as often as they did in the first months after Barbara’s death, but they could always return – especially when he was too tired from the battle of the day before like he was tonight.

Alastair was silent for a couple of seconds, just looking at him, then he sat up, back against the headboard with arms wide open. “Come back to bed, Thomas.”

Thomas went easily, as if answering to Alastair’s call was his second nature. That’s what I needed, what I wanted, he thought, as his face sunk deep into the other man’s neck. Alastair smelled like coffee and wood - everything about him was warm and strong, in a way that made Thomas’ mind travel back to summer days in Paris and lazy nights next to their fireplace. In his honest opinion, everything about Alastair was a reminder of home, like a compass needle finally settling down and finding its place.

“You should’ve woken me up,” Alastair whispered.

Thomas shrugged. “You looked way too handsome sleeping,” He said, resting his chin on the dark-haired boy’s shoulder, hoping to sound flirty and playfully.

“And I would look way too handsome awake, azizam,” Alastair made no effort in hiding his eyes rolling.

Thomas also made no effort in hiding his smile. “I wanted to admire you,” he tried again.

“And I want to admire you too, Thomas. So, next time, just wake me up so we can admire each other simultaneously, alright? Don’t be selfish.” He said but there was no real heat behind his voice.

They stood like that for a few minutes, Thomas hugging Alastair’s mid-section, Alastair playing with Thomas’ hair and caressing his tattoo. It was a quiet night, the wind wasn’t too cold and no sound came from the streets. Peaceful nights were a rare occurrence to Shadowhunters, and Thomas mentally cursed the fact that his nightmares returned in what seemed to be the best night of the month. He heard Alastair’s almost inaudible humming next to him, a familiar melody that it took him a while to recognize as the first song he’d shown to his boyfriend.

For most of his childhood and teenage years, Thomas had been too thin, too sickly, too small to properly fit anywhere. Then, suddenly, he’d gotten too tall, too muscular, too big – and there was still nothing suitable to him. But in moments like these, when he and Alastair were curled up against each other, Thomas knew that he’d never been too small or too big: he’d always been in a perfect size to fit Alastair’s body.

He remembered the nights when he wondered if his curse was to never feel like he belonged to somewhere – if the feeling of lacking and excess would always be there. But when he looked at the shadows of their bodies melting in one, when he listened to their synchronized heartbeats, Thomas knew that his body had been made to fit right into Alastair’s frame, by his side, in his arms.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He heard him ask.

“Not really,” Thomas said. “I barely remember what happened in the dream, you know? Jus-just the pain? The desperation and powerlessness.” He blinked away the tears, refusing to cry.

He’d never been good in talking about losing Barbara. His parents and friends had assured him it would be okay for him to open up, to speak out about the pain, but Thomas didn’t think he could do it. He’d tried to put down in songs, in poems, to describe how it felt to have an empty spot on his chest – the voidness that would always be there from now on – but his words never seemed to capture the reality and the rawness of having a loved one taken away. It was a vulnerability he wasn’t used to and he hated how there was nothing that could’ve prepared him for it. More than anything else, he hated the fact that he couldn’t mend his mother’s heart, hated how the shadow between his father’s eyes would never leave and how Eugenia was now deprived of the company of her dearest confidant. It was like Thomas was 8 again, too fragile to have any power over how things worked – except that now he was older and bigger, but still powerless.

Alastair’s voice brought him back, “Do you want me to play the piano?”

They’d found out, by accident, at the beginning of their restored friendship, that Thomas’ restless mind felt calmer if he listened to Alastair playing the piano. It had been good, back then – but that was before they’d found out that Alastair’s arms could bring him more comfort than any music, and way before they discovered the effect of his lips. Still, it was rare for him to deny an opportunity to listen to the other man.

“No.” Thomas pressed his face deeper into the curve of Alastair’s neck. “We’re in the middle of the night, better not risk to wake the neighbor. Besides,” he grinned, “that requires for you to get up of the bed and let go of me.”

He felt Alastair shaking from silent laughter. “I don’t remember a time where you were clingier than you’re right now”.

That made Thomas look up, his boyfriend was sounding way too satisfied for his liking. “That’s very brave coming from you, Mr. I-Searched-For-Every-Potential-Date-Idea-In-Paris-Because-I-Wanted-To-Stay-With-You-The-Whole-Time.”

Alastair pinched his arm playfully. “I don’t record you saying no to my invitations.”

“How could I?” He could see that small, not-so-rare-anymore smile on Alastair’s lips, the one Thomas wished he could draw and get it tattooed on his other arm, on his eyelids, and on his heart. He leaned closer, “You were paying for everything.”

Alastair let out a surprised laugh, disbelief addressing his features before raising his chin up, using his more dramatic voice. “For someone who doesn’t want me to stop holding you, Lightwood, you sure as hell dedicate lot of time in tempting me to do it.”

Thomas made a hmph sound. They both knew that Alastair’s arms would stay around him as long as Thomas wanted to – but he tangled their legs together anyway. Just for assurance.

“Thank you,” he muttered against the man’s skin. He didn’t need to elaborate; they both knew what Alastair was doing.

His lover was looking at him, his black eyes glittering in a way that made Thomas shiver with adoration - even in the dark of the night, Alastair’s eyes were the brightest spot in his world. “We should go back to sleep now.”

He felt a brief kiss being deposited on his lips and another one on his temple. “We should. Believe me, you want to be at your best for your sister’s wedding.”

Thomas’ eyebrows quirked up, “Speaking from experience?”

“Obviously.” Alastair made a sour face, “but at least Eugenia is marrying a nice man. There’s no need to worry.”

Thomas grinned in response and kissed him one more time.

He would still have bad days, he knew. It would be foolish to believe that Barbara’s death wouldn’t come back to haunt him sometimes. She was his sister, his flesh and blood; he’d known her face before he’d learned to walk, had known her voice before even knowing his own. He would never stop missing her, and if at some nights the pain became unbearable, that was okay. Thomas looked at Alastair, whose eyes were already closed, another person who knew grief and loss. Alastair also had his bad nights, moments when his father’s yelling was too loud and his mother’s death bed became vivid red again.

At least they had each other. Thomas knew it wasn’t enough – wounds like the ones they had weren’t healed by kisses and hand holding – but it helped to have someone to carry your burden with, someone to listen to your words, and to be by your side throughout your journey of recovery.

They had other people too. Cordelia, Alastair’s most fierce defender was always with him, as were his own set of loyal friends. Thomas had his parents, his sister, and the brothers of his heart. They had a very exigent 2-years-old toddler sleeping in the room next to theirs, the neighbor who always made his presence known whenever he heard his brother playing the piano. They had a family, people with whom they were bonded by blood or by heart.

It wasn’t good to have nightmares and Thomas absolutely hated them, but he would always be grateful for the privilege of waking up in a reality where he was surrounded by so much love and companionship, a reality where the people he cherished the most were only a touch away. He entwined his hand with Alastair’s, allowing himself to enjoy the feeling of calmness. Thomas sighed and closed his eyes.

Tomorrow would be a better day.

---------X---------

Azizam: my love

Hamsar-am: my equal head

#thomastair #writing #thomas lightwood #alastair carstairs #tlh #tsc #tw death mention #mine

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the-coffee-story · 4 years ago

Text

Coffee - The Plague Doctor's Revenge

Chapter 11 - Back on the Motorway Bridge

"So how exactly do you plan to find him?", Thasfield asked when they were standing on the top floor of the parking lot ten minutes later. An icy wind was blowing around the trio. Coffee shivered.

Violet nodded, smiled, then took a deep breath. "We, uh, have no idea."

"Oh, wonderful," Sean mumbled and Violet glared at him.

"Hey Cof," she suddenly said, turning to him. His head jolted up. "Hm?"

"What's the best hiding places in Graytown if you're trying not to be spotted?"

"Hmm." He furrowed his brows, trying to find the words. Then he realized Thasfield wasn't fluent in sign language anyway and grabbed his phone from his pocket.

"I'd say the motorway bridge, it's a good spot to look across the city without being seen. On the other hand I left some stuff up there, so I'm not sure whether anyone would stay for long. Depends on how willing he is to risk meeting someone else."

Violet narrowed her pretty green eyes. "So you suggest we search there?"

Coffee shrugged his narrow shoulders.

"At least that's where I stayed most of the time while the whole drama happened."

Violet suddenly got flustered and started running a hand through her curls in embarrassment. "Oh my God. You heard us, right?"

Coffee felt himself flushing red when he remembered hearing her and Franklin exchanging meaningless little flirts a few months ago, words she'd meant to say to him, not his brother. "Uh-huh."

Violet groaned and buried her face in her hands. "I'm so sorry."

"Uhm." Thasfield cleared his throat. "Can we get back on topic?"

"Right. Sorry." Violet blew her hair out of her face. "Motorway bridge."

***

"So you hid here for...what was it? A couple months?", Thasfield asked while they were climbing up a narrow metal ladder to the grating of the bridge. Coffee nodded. "Uh-huh."

"Doesn't look very comfortable."

He shrugged his shoulders and reached out to the dusty grating.

"Sorry, I forgot you can't talk right now."

Coffee giggled and waved it off. Then he climbed through the hole in the grating.

Thasfield's square face grew worried when he saw the hole. "I...well, I'm not sure whether I'll fit through-"

"Come on, even Doc did," Violet's throaty voice came from the darkness behind him. She was barely visible in the shadows save for the glint of her eyes.

"Have you seen him?!", Thasfield countered. "He's a stick!"

"Yeah, one that is 6'8 long!"

"Alright, alright." He sighed. Coffee held his hand out and Thasfield took it.

The catwalk was narrow and dusty. Cobwebs clung to the concrete around them while Coffee led the others through the labyrinth. Their only source of light was the city across the river and more than once he could hear a metallic clunk when one of them bumped into a pipe followed by cussing.

"I hate spiders," Thasfield mumbled after running face forward into the third web of the night. He spat over the dusty railing of the catwalk. "Bah! Disgusting!"

"Yeah, I doubt your coat will still be black once we get out of here," Violet commented in a whisper. Her smirk was audible.

Coffee gently ducked when he noticed a freshly torn web in front of them. He raised his hand to signal a stop.

"What is it?", Violet asked.

He pointed at the web.

"Someone was here," Thasfield whispered.

"It's fresh," Coffee signed. "Whoever passed through is still here."

Suddenly they heard a shuffle from the dark catwalk in front of them. Coffee jumped.

"Against the wall, quick!", Thasfield hissed.

They lined up against the cold concrete, side by side, having no idea what was going to happen next. Coffee's heartbeat was drumming in his ears, so loud that a part of him feared the Plague Doctor might hear him.

Then a sound echoed through the labyrinth of steel and concrete. A quiet wince of pain. Coffee glanced over to the others.

"He's hurt," he signed. Violet nodded. Her green eyes shimmered in the dark. Her breath was forming clouds around her. One of her hands was clutching her belly in fear.

Suddenly a silhouette appeared in the darkness of the corridor. They could hear irregular footsteps coming closer. He walks with a limp, Coffee thought. In his mind he counted through every strategy of self defense he could use if necessary, then realized the only thing that gave him a realistic chance in case the plan went wrong was a quick escape Spiderman-style. Even then, his experiences had proven that the Plague Doctor was just as good as him. The only thing he could hope for was that everything would go well.

The Plague Doctor turned his head a little and the lights of the city reflected in the tinted glass of his mask, making it look like his eyes were glowing red.

Coffee's hand slid into Violet's and she gently squeezed it.

And suddenly the stranger turned his head and stared directly at them.

Coffee's eyes widened and he felt the blood draining from his face. Violet's pulse was hammering in his hand and he could hear Thasfield's breath racing. The metal beneath his feet seemed to bend and the world felt like it was spiraling out of control. He realized he was about to faint and angrily bit his lip to keep himself conscious.

The Plague Doctor was frozen still.

Both parties spent at least a minute staring at each other, unable to move, paralyzed by terror.

"Please don't hurt me...!", the Plague Doctor finally whispered. His voice was surprisingly soft, with a velvety German accent.

Violet blinked. "I...yeah, I was about to say the same."

"Oh." He tilted his head in confusion. "You're... you're not here to...?"

"Nope." That was Thasfield. "Actually we came here to check whether you need any help."

"Oh." He looked a little overwhelmed. "I...okay, this is awkward." He nervously laughed. "Uh...tschuldigung, I mean, sorry, I...wasn't expecting anyone here-"

Violet waved it off. "No, we have to apologize, we scared you."

"Who are you?", the Plague Doctor asked.

"We're private investigators," Thasfield explained. He was surprisingly calm. Then again, as a former serial killer he was probably used to stuff like this. "I'm Sean, here's Violet and Coffee."

Coffee waved and smiled shakily.

"Uh...hallo." The Plague Doctor nervously brushed a black curl out of his face. His silky hair reached his knees. From up close Coffee could see a few silver strands in it.

"What's your name?", Thasfield asked.

He hesitated.

"Keine Ahnung, erm...can I trust you?"

Violet shrugged her shoulders. "That's your decision, really."

He hesitated.

"My name is Wilhelm Wisper."

***

He'd gone through hell. He didn't say it out loud but it was apparent. The limp, the missing arm, the fact that the mask stayed on told them more than words.

Wilhelm told them everything. They'd had a fight. She'd thrown a burning candle at him. His sleeve had caught fire. She'd fled.

"What are you gonna do now?"

Coffee handed his phone to Wilhelm, who quickly read through the message.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Keine Ahnung. Wait until there's some evidence against Eugenia, then strike and try to prove it was her fault. And in the meantime I'll stay here, I guess."

"Our co-worker Doc Tilch is coming back from Scotland this evening with evidence," Thasfield quietly said. "Perhaps we'll find something."

"Thank you."

"You could come with us," Violet suggested.

Wilhelm flinched a little. "I... I'm not sure whether that'd be good."

"Uh...do you have a phone then?"

"Ja. I mean...yes." He dug through the pockets of his dusty black jacket and took out a black Samsung with a shattered display.

"Can I get your phone number so we can call you if something new happens?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Klar."

#reviews are welcome ;)#remember to listen to the song #the coffee story #the plague doctor's revenge

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penaltybox14 · 4 years ago

Text

Decofiremen - Davey’s Dream

@zeitheist @darknight-brightstar Lookee here I’m on a roll.

Davey is walking down the long hallway, the one with the green wallpaper dark against the luxuriant mahogany of the baseboards, the one with the photos of grandmother and grandfather and Aunt Eugenia, the one with the little table and the taxidermied barn owl that used to frighten him when he was small.

The hallway seems longer than it ought to be, and he feels very small and far away. He is looking for mother and father and Lydia. With the way the light has gone, Lydia should be at the piano, plunking away with her small fingers. He teases her, when mother is not around, that she isn't very good - but in private, when no one is around, he thinks she must be very patient. Davey has never had the temperament for the piano, but he likes to hear her practice, and when her fingers are as long as mother's it will probably be lovely to hear.

Where is Lydia, with her dark hair caught up by a fat pink bow - her favorite - at this honey-lit hour, if she is not sitting diligently at her piano?

Where is mother, if not mending a shirt that he has probably torn running around, like a wild-man, in the garden?

Where is father, down the long, dark hallway, with the beautiful Persian rug that unrolls like a panther's tongue and turns his footsteps into whispers? Why does the light simmer and roil, and why are the walls hot, and the smell of father's pipe so bright in his nostrils?

Davey is walking down the hall, trailing his fingers on the dark paper that smudges away like water, as if he had dipped his fingers into the fish-pond in the garden to watch the koi, orange and red and gold, come up and beg for corn and bread-crumbs. Davey is walking down the hall and looks back to see how far he has come, and the swiftness of the setting sun has ate it up in shadow and the smell of the pipe-smoke is very sharp. The lamps on the wall seem to tremble. Their kerosene hearts brighten, like a breath of autumn.

But their long dark hallway has electrics. They have had electrics since the spring time, when father was so pleased, let him sit and bother the workmen with a hundred questions instead of sitting testily at history and grammar. He had liked to flip the switch, on off, click flick. Mother scolded him not to play with the lights, but it was not like matches or candles, she only found it, as Aunt Eugenia might have said, a tiring thing.

Why do the lights breathe in the long dark hallway, when they have had electrics since the spring time, and the sun set hours ago, and he is in his nightclothes, and where is mother, where is father, where is Lyddie -

He is kneeling on the wide green lawn, the one that slopes down to the edge of the late, and the boiling sky is as bright as the last half-hour before dawn, and the house is a mouth of ragged flame and molten teeth.

Davey tumbles from the long green hallway to the wide green lawn, screaming, in his nightclothes in the smothering air, screaming. The house sighs and sags and bends inward, and the heat rises to slap his cheeks like a fever.

When the house keels into itself and the timbers shriek like a rabbit in a snare, something opens inside his chest, something like a trapdoor, and he falls headlong into it, and the screaming doesn't stop.

In the awesome breadth of the dark there is nothing to stop his spinning. His breath is hot and his lungs are heavy.

In the cold and ashen space where there was a house he spirals down a single, pulsing spark.

"Son."

A man in a coat the color of new moon night opens a doorway in a house that isn't there.

"Son, wake up."

A man younger than his father, dark hair spilling from its pomade grip, a face wreathed in sweat and eyes like the sound the seasons make as autumn fades and snaps into winter. A man he doesn't know but knew before, coming down the long dark hallway in black boots.

"You hear me, son?"

Something tethers Davey to the earth, to the good trees and the sun-baked bricks. The screaming is only breath and squeaks on his tight lips, and he finds himself in a bed in a big, warm, kind room that echoes with the murmurs of young men who are not very much older than himself, a long and winding history of young men who travel here like tendrils of sun and falling ash.

Birch, that's the name. A man younger than his father, much younger than the trampled grass and wide oak floorboards ask him to be, sits on the side of the bed, and the man's name is Birch.

Men who are really only boys, their eyes wide enough to belong to brothers, huddle and whisper.

"What's all the racket, then, little fellow?" Asks one.

"Aye, what ye mean to wake us up from a sound sleep?"

"Was no sound, was Bertram snoring."

"Nah snoring. Ye shouting, little fella."

Birch, whose shirt needs mending, as if he hasn't got a mother around to fix his collar for him, grouses at the lads around him. "Knock off, knock off."

Every day since his insides turned to ash, Davey has woke up alone. There are too many faces here, too many pairs of curious, concerned eyes.

"Screaming, little fella. What ye screaming for?"

Davey's heart pounds and he looks to Birch, Captain Birch, who sits with one leg stretched out in a contraption of steel and leather and sheepskin. "Cap?" He whispers, then swiftly inhales. That he has a voice at all - he had forgot he was not made of smoke and ash. He is not all burnt out inside. "Capper."

The line of Birch's shoulder tells the hollow dark a secret, and the little spark inside him hisses back: this man has seen his house fall, too.

"Aye son. Lads, knuckleheaded lads, get back to rest, all of ya'. You mind him."

"Only teasing, Captain Birch."

"We'll mind him, Captain."

"Little fella, ye like the fiddle? Bertram plays, when he ain't snoring."

"Betram, give us a tune. Give us some night-time music."

"Captain? All sound?"

"All for sound, Bertram. Just don't keep him up the whole night."

The young men with their pillow-shocked hair and nightclothes and bare feet on the waxed oak floor shuffle off, and the tall, slim, yellow-haired Bertram pulls a violin so old it might be alive from beneath his bunk, and tests the strings, and eyes the bridge, and rosins the bow. When he begins to play, when his fingers dance, Davey thinks of Lyddie, and how her sound stopped. He begins to cry, which ought to make him feel like a baby, but he hasn't felt water on his cheeks since the roof caved in, since the screaming started.

Birch lays an uncertain arm around his shoulders, less like a father or an uncle than a brother or a cousin, the one who picks you up and fixes your scrapes and smiles and says let's not tell auntie, at least, not everything.

You're alright, the arm says. You woke up alone, too many times. But you’re alright now.

Betram plays a sweet and hymnful tune, the kind of song wound up in an angel's music-box.

"Capper," he whispers. He does not trust himself to do much more. "Capper, could you tell me the story from the train again? The one about the fireman, and the horse?"

"All right. A long, long time ago, before there was a city, before there was even people thinking about a city, there was a man, and a horse..."

#decofire #decofiremen #found family #if you think fire is scary now wait til you've seen a house burn down

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angrypixie-sarisa · 5 years ago

Text

Just friends

Piedras rodantes pt.21

Sam xMexican!Witch!fem!readerx Dean (polyamorous)

Summary: ever since the trip to San Salvador, Dean has been thrilled with the extenses of your magic, making you feel quite burned out. That and also combined with the fact that Crowley got something brewing up. And to top it all up, we have some delicate jealousy. All to make the perfect disaster, altough something might be missing, or rather someone.

“Hey! We should go to Guadalajara.”

You sighed and placed the knife you were holding down besides the cutting board that presented some cucumber and jicama already cut in long skinny pieces. You turned around to watch Dean enter your kitchen from your supplies closet. You never thought he'd be the one insisting in using this magical shortcuts but boy, you were wrong.

"Again? What do you want from Guadalajara now? We've just went a month ago."

"Exactly, it's been a month, it's too long."

You rolled your eyes and went back to place your vegetables in a bowl and prepping them with chile en polvo and chamoy, whilst murmuring "not long enough".

Just as you were going to bring him back to earth, his cellphone rang. You closed your eyes and let your head fall back to your shoulders, you took a deep breath and whispered a thank you to whoever had blessed you with the interruption.

“I gotta go.” His voice sounded closer than before. His finger tapped you in the arm, bringing you back to reality.

“See ya.” He said before placing a kiss in your cheek. Act that left you astonished, but he didn’t have the chance to see it, because he quickly went back to the place he had come from.

You sighed and closed sloppily the portal. You placed your hand on your left elbow, your hunger already replaced by nausea. You took the bowl filled with your snack and placed it in the fridge for later. Then you messaged Diego to open a portal for you, which he did gladly.

He was waiting for you at the other side, reaching for you as soon as you stepped through the veil and into his room. He hugged you and placed a kiss at your temple. It seemed that it was something that had been repeating itself.

“Cuidado.” You whispered.

He let you go and watched your figure go as you made yourself comfortable in his bed. He studied your aura, your energy’s radius was short and it seemed that a greyish green was taking over all the colors surrounding you.

He closed the portal and went to take out his pipe and weed.

“What happened? You’re always real careful not to overwork yourself.” He prepped one pipe and went to prep the next one.

“Tengo un corazón muy estupidamente grande.” You groaned onto his pillow.

“¿Sí? ¿Por qué es eso?” He sat next to you, waiting for you to sit as well, before handing you one of the pipes and lighting it up.

You took a drag, before answering. “Tal vez, sólo tal vez, I’ve been opening too many portals this past months.”

“Months?!”

You shrugged, letting the smoke out. “He’d never seen the beach or another country. He has never experienced something else than hunting.”

“You did this for him? Just him?”

“I suggested I’d plan for them a family trip but he reclined it.”

“Selfish.”

“Mucho.” In unison, both of you took another drag and let out once again the smoke from your mouths.

“Just today he came to me, asking if I wanted to go to Guadalajara.”

“Did you turn him down?”

“Didn’t get a chance. Lisa saved me, I guess.” You placed your head on his shoulder and he patted it softly.

“Ay niña.”

You sighed. “Ya sé; tendré que hablar con él… Cuando no me duela el brazo.” You took in a deep breath, coughing a little bit at the tingle in your lungs.

“¿Y tú? Me saludaste muy amoroso cuando entré.”

You both waited to finish smoking so the conversation would flow easier.

“Te extrañaba.” He took your hand in his, rubbing your knuckles with his thumb.

“¿Y?”

“Tyler fue a pasar el fin de semana con su familia.”

“¿Y son buenos?”

He shook his head.

“Sí pero podrían ser mejor. Sabes son de esos que dicen que está bien pero no están dispuestos a escuchar de la relación. Except for his brothers and cousins. And I’m… I’m just a little worried for him.”

You groaned in disapproval.

He slipped down and turned so he would hug your waist, placing his head on your chest. You started playing with his hair, careful not to maneuver your left arm too much.

“Don’t you feel like the energy is a little weird right now?”

“Thank you for saying that, I thought I was the only one who felt it.” You said, squinting your eyes. “It’s as if something isn’t quite in place. You know when you’re completing a puzzle and you use a piece that fits physically but in the picture it’s something completely different?”

“Yeah. It feels like that, right?”

“It feels exactly like that.” You both sighed.

“Well, we only have to endure it.” Diego said.

“If it were something natural we would, but it feels…”

“Supernatural?”

You nodded as your head started to ache. Recently, you were having constant headaches and you thought that it was only the beginning of something worse.

“Where are you going?!” Lisa called back as Dean stood underneath the doorway.

“I need more supplies for the new job and…”

“And you thought of stopping by at Y/N’s?” She was already by his side, sweet smile on her face, even though her thoughts weren’t as sweet.

“Yeah, why?” He asked nonchalantly, as if it was obvious. “I asked Ben if he wanted to come, but he said he wanted to hang out with his friends and you have that dinner you wanted to attend to.”

“Right but, I wanted you to come with me.”

He frowned. That was weird, when it came to couple’s stuff usually it meant a night in, in the comfortable intimacy of their home. It wasn’t as he wasn’t excited, but she had never invited him before.

“Oh. that’s new.”

“Yeah, is that alright?”

He smiled affectionately at her. “Of course it’s alright.” He dragged her close to him as he kissed her sweetly on the lips. She hummed at the affection in the kiss, which made all of her insecurities drift away, for the moment.

“You really are playing with fire here, little one.” Crowley’s voice sounded behind you. You didn’t even flinch; instead you sighed and continued spraying water to your plants.

“And why would that be?”

“Please, don’t tell me you’re not seeing what’s happening here.”

You shrugged and placed your spritzer on the coffee table.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You said as you went to get your cup of wine, which you left at the other side of the table.

“Oh, come on! Another Winchester? I thought that with your friend’s warning it would be enough, but it seems you are really stubborn.”

You sighed, sitting down at your couch, kicking your feet up the coffee table.

“It was fate, not me, okay?”

“That's the oldest cope out ever." He said as he sat beside you, crossing his arms.

"It's not a cope out. You know better than anyone the lengths I went through so I wouldn't find him coincidentally again, you know after the shadow travel thing."

"Yeah, I'm still mad about that."

You glared at him. "You and I both know you cannot stay mad at me."

He resisted the urge to shove your face in the opposite direction so he wouldn't have to endure your gaze. "Shut up."

You giggled and hugged his arm, leaning your head on his shoulder. "Why are you so worried?"

He sighed and tried to avoid the stiffness that wanted to take over his body.

"I just don't want you to get hurt. And I know that if you get stuck with the Winchesters you will end up badly broken."

You skipped a heartbeat at his words. He said Winchesters, plural not singular. He knew something that you didn't, you were sure of it. Your intuition kicked in and suddenly, the dots started to connect slowly. Something was coming and whatever it was, it was part of Crowley's plans. That's why he kept warning you over and over again to get away from Dean, he didn't want you to get in the middle of the cross-fire.

You sighed, hugging him tighter. You always did that, but not even him could tell the difference between a tight sweet embrace and a stiff calculated one.

"I love you, Crowley. But I'm not a child."

Your phone rang just after you ended meditating. You sighed massaging your temples before answering, thinking: Perfect timing, Dean.

“Hi.” You said groggily.

“Hey. Did I wake you up?” He asked, a little thrown aback, he wasn’t expecting you to be asleep so early.

“No, I just came back from meditating, I’m a little groggy.”

He frowned, not getting why you would come back groggy from something like that.

“Okay, hey, Lisa and I are going out, could you watch Ben tonight? If it’s not too out of the bat.”

You took in a deep breath. Normally you wouldn’t hesitate but recently everything just felt wrong, like nothing you did had the result you were expecting and you that you had a lack of control over the simplest things. Your intuition had a rough time ass well, the only good kick it had so far was when you were with Crowley. That demon had something boiling up and you were determined to find out, something you wouldn’t ever do, because you’ve never cared enough. But this time, he was really messing up with the big stuff that it had a direct effect in the whole world. And you been connected to the world, well, it affected you and your coven in an awful lot of way.

“Or do you have plans tonight?” He asked. You had no idea you had disconnected from the conversation.

“Oh, um, no, I mean I don’t have plans, I’ll gladly watch Ben.” I hope this doesn’t backfire, I already have too much in my plate. You thought.

“Great, thanks.” you could hear the smile in his voice and you couldn’t help but giggle.

“You’re welcome, Winchester. But I expect something in return.” You teased.

“Oh yeah? Like what? I ain’t helping you get rid of that creepy spider.”

“What Eugenia? She’s chill, she helps me not get bitten by mosquitoes, I would never kick her out.”

He rolled his eyes, of course you would let a creepy potentially venomous spider stay at your home. Although you would probably argue that almost all spiders, if not all, are venomous just in different dosis.

“Alright, then how?”

He thought you would be shrugging, he had a feeling you were shrugging. “I don’t know, I’ll think of something.”

“Y/N.” He warned you

“What?! Maybe I’ll ask for a lift someday, you don’t know that. But I can assure you it won’t be something out of the other world. ‘kay?”

“Fine, but I expect the right to refuse if it’s something too wild.” He saw Lisa enter the living room with a smile that faltered for a moment when she saw him on the phone.

“Of course, I’m not that cruel. Expect me there in a minute, maybe two.”

“Alright, bye.” He hung up the phone, reaching immediately for Lisa, planting a kiss on her lips.

“So, you were talking to Y/N?”

“Yeah, I asked her to watch Ben, she’s already on her way.” Her breath hitched a little bit, but she managed to stay smiling and nod.

“Great.” She fiddled with her fingers at the back of his neck. And curse him and his keen eye, because he knew something was not right.

“Wait, what’s wrong?”

She hesitated, fiddling with her fingers a little bit more before answering.

“I don’t like it when you spend a lot of time with her.”

He gulped. “Okay?”

“It’s just, I feel, every time you spend too much time with her… I don’t know, it’s like you-” She bit her lip before continuing. “-like you forget about us for a moment. And it’s the tiniest moment-” She rushed as she saw him open his mouth to answer. “-but it happens. It’s not like a I don’t like her, I do, but I think we could step back a little bit. She has her own life after all. Not everything’s about friends, she could be dealing with other things too.” And it was true, she did think of that too, but that didn’t hide the fact that she was growing a little jealous. It would be a lie to say that she didn’t have a little pride for being one of the people Dean trusted in. So when she saw him open up to you as well, it was like a hit in her ego. And she knew it was ridiculous, although you would probably say that she was entitled to feeling that way. As you had said once, a little jealousy was okay, it was when it was getting out of hand that it needed to be taken care of.

He took a deep breath in. He did had his head deep in magic since he found out of the doors. A little bit of grounding would be good for him. “Okay. I guess, uh, I got too carried away, huh?”

She laughed, relieved to hear those words coming out of his mouth. “Just a little bit. But we…” She kissed him in one cheek, then the next, before lightly her lips to his. “...can fix that.”

“Listen here, buddy! If you think you will win this hand…” You arched your eyebrow at Ben, who was laughing his ass off at your funny faces. He tried mimicking them once, but he just looked funny, not in the purpose of the faces but just in a failing manner.

“...Then you’re right! Dang it!” You said, tossing your cards on the table, revealing your pathetic hand.

“Yes! The treasure is mine!” He screamed as he claimed the m&m’s in the center of the table.

“Alright, alright. Calmed down, Smaug. You won’t be eating those before the pizza gets here.”

“Smaug? Pssss, what a nerd.”

You gasped, making your most offended face ever, before smiling. “Thank you! That’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. Nerd.”

“What?! I’m not a nerd.”

“Sure, sure, let me just ask you something. How did you know Smaug’s a nerdy thing?” You saw him blush and stamer as he tried to justify his nerd ass.

“You read the Hobbit! You’re a nerd just like me!”

“Shut up! I had nothing to do and I already had finished all my videogames and…”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. You certainly didn’t care enough to learn the name of the characters. Oh, wait…” You laughed and he tossed candy at you, intending it to hit you, but you just made it land in your mouth and ate it.

“Dang it! Stop it, Y/N, I want it to hit you!”

You shrugged. “Sorry, you just have to have better aim. He, he.” And just as he was opening his mouth, the doorbell rang. “Pizza!” You both yelled.

It was more late than they normally arrived. Ben was already asleep up in his room. You however, were reading on the couch, trying not to sneak glances at the window with every passing shadow. Now that you knew it wasn’t something specifically caused by you, like your own paranoia making you see things that weren’t there, you had a better way of thinking and analyzing the situations.

Just as you almost complied and looked through the window angrily, you heard the lock of the front door turn. Dean and Lisa entered and you sighed in relief. Perfect timing.

Lisa’s gaze was the first to land on you. And you perfectly saw how her smile faltered for the slightest moment.

“Hey.” You whispered, not knowing why but you didn’t want to speak to loud.

“Hi. Is Ben already…?”

You nodded with a small smile. “Yeah.” She nodded with a smile like yours before telling she was going to head upstairs to her son.

When she was upstairs, Dean came into the living room, stopping in front the couch you were at.

“Hey.”

You arched your brow at him. “Hi?”

“Uh, can we… Can we talk?”

You frowned and shrugged. “Sure.” He motioned with his head towards the door, before heading there himself. You followed him, picking up your stuff as you made your way out.

“Qué paso?”

He scratched the back of his neck, looking at the pick up, the grass, the porch, anything but you.

“Dean? What is it? Surely it can’t be that bad.”

“It’s just…” He sighed, rubbing his temples.

“Lisa’s… a little bit jealous.” Then he looked at you and your surprised face.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Why?” You said whilst hugging yourself. It was surprising, you never thought she could get jealous, after all Dean was a friend. Just a friend. Did she think you wanted to screw up her relationship with him?

“She just thinks we spend too much time together.” You nodded for him to continue, but that was it. He shrugged. There was nothing else to say.

“Okay, then. So we spend less time together.” You shrugged, surely it wouldn’t affect you, that way you could get a break from the overwhelmingly use of your magic.

“Yeah, I know, it’s just…”

You smiled, laughing to yourself as those words escaped his lips. “Ah. So you’re bothered by this.”

“Only by the idea that she’s jealous. It’s… it’s not like we spend that much time together or that I would do anything or you for that matter.”

You nodded, crossing your arms over your chest. “I know, but we have to respect her feelings. And just make it clear that we’re…”

“Just friends.” You both said, and you couldn’t help to smile at each other.

“Jinx, you owe me, Winchester.”

“Oh come on!”

You shrugged as you walked away from his porch. Something told him that you were shadow traveling home. “Ni modo, mijo. ¿Pa’ qué se duerme?”

You checked your purse as u exited your home. Everything that you needed was there. You turned around and locked your door, recasting every security spell that started to wear off. You were meeting Dean at a bar, you’re meetings had become less frequent for Lisa’s sake and he had told you that it actually helped. This time in particular had been quite long since you two had hang out together so it was refreshing to see him again and hear his stupid jokes.

Just as you were heading out, you heard a rustle near your bushes at the side of your house. You neared them cautiously. Maybe it was a cat that wasn’t Shcrödinger. But it didn’t feel like a cat.

You were a few steps away when… “Don’t!” Impossible. You turned your head but your vision turned blurry, you could only make out a tall figure running towards you, but that voice.

“Sammy?”

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #Supernatural fanfic #supernatural imagines #supernatural imagine #sam #Sam Winchester #sam x reader #sam x reader x dean #dean winchester #dean #dean x reader #polyamory #polyamorous #piedras rodantes

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rosereview · 5 years ago

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Chain of Gold Review

Okay so I just finished Cassandra Clare’s newest book, Chain of Gold, the first book in her new series The Last Hours which is set in the Shawdowhunter world and is a sequel to the Infernal Devices series and a prequel to the Mortal Instruments. I have loved Cassandra Clare and the Shadowhunter world since I really got into reading when I was in grade seven. Since then I have read all of Cassandra Clare’s books and every year when one or two new books come out, I run to the bookstore, buy it, and then go back home and read it as soon as possible. I am literally in love with this world and these characters and every time you think it can’t get any better, a new one comes out and it exceeds all expectations.

In this review I will definitely spoil everything that happens so if you haven’t read the book, I wouldn’t recommend reading this review. This review will be split into different parts where I focus on different aspects of the book starting with my favourite part of any book, the characters.

Characters

So first I’ll talk about the characters individually and my thoughts on them and we will focus more on their relationships with other characters in another part.

To start off I want to share my thoughts on the main female character, who is also on the cover, Cordelia Carsairs. At first I wasn’t sure what to think about her because so far in all of the series, the main female character was never my favourite at the start, like Clary, Tessa, and Emma. At first all three of them were a little annoying, but now I love Tessa and Clary. (I’m still trying with Emma.) But each of them I learned to love over multiple books which is where their character really developed. In Chain of Gold, Cordelia started off kind of annoying and dumb, but throughout the book she really develops and grows and learns and now I love her after only the first book in the series! While moving to London she really learns how to behave in society while also saying true to herself which is very admirable. She such a strong girl and person and when she finally gets friends she is less dumb to the world around her and how life works. I now really care about her happiness especially with a certain someone, which we will get to.

Next I want to talk about James Herondale. Well I went into this knowing I was going to love James, I mean he is a Herondale. And while I do love him, I am also continuously angry with him and the situation he finds himself in. By that I mean with Grace Blackthorn who I despise with a passion, but we’re talking about James right now. I loved James during the middle of the book when he was not under the control of Grace and freely falling for Cordelia while loving his friends fiercely and not really hiding anything from them, like any of his feelings. I was also so proud of him for how he handled all the news about his grandfather, Belial, and how he didn’t give in to all the demon talk and trying to put all the weight on his shoulders to protect everyone he loved by sacrificing himself. I did not and still do not want to see James possessed by a demon or Prince of Hell. Overall I loved James, but not as much as I had originally thought.

And the reason I didn’t love James as much was because I loved one boy a bit more… Matthew Fairchild! Omg I am like Magnus Bane in the way I have a soft spot for broken boys. First Jace Herondale and his daddy issues, then Will Herondale and his inability to let anyone love him, and finally Julian Blackthorn and him having to be a father to his siblings while being hopelessly in love with his parabatai. Matthew fits right up there with the greats! In the short story in the Ghosts From the Shadow Market where you find out what Matthew did that makes him broken, and I did not like him after that, but then I read this book and changed my mind. I really saw how much he changed from being a self entitled Consul’s son, to being a kind and caring and selfless boy that made a big mistake. Now Matthew feels like he has to keep his secret and pain all to himself while taking up drinking to numb himself. It hurts me to watch but it makes me love him so much more. The way he loves James is beautiful while he still knows James has his own faults. Seeing Matthew with Cordelia and how he loves her almost makes me want him to win her heart, but I know James and her are who are meant to be together. I just want Matthew to find happiness and to forgive himself and love himself, and that needs to happen before he finds someone to love and who loves him back.

Next we have Lucie Herondale who is amazing. She is just the perfect depiction of the annoying younger sister who also just has so much depth and story to her at the same time. I definitely relate to Lucie the most with her loving to write and tell story, while also fully in love with her family and friends and having such a strong relationship with her brother. She doesn’t want to be left out of the fun, but at the same time understands when some of her friends have to go on an adventure without her. All the while she is trying to understand her own gift and to help out people in need, like Jesse Blackthorn. Lucie has her own little secrets and even though she knows it will be against the law, she still wants to help out people who need her, like Jesse and even Grace, who continues to play her brother, but Lucie sees the way she lives and feels bad. That shows great character and kindness.

Someone that really surprised me in this book, more than Matthew, was his complete opposite, his nemesis, Alastair Carstairs. At first I hated him from what he did to the boys at the Shadowhunter Academy, and that might have been a part of why I wasn’t fond of Cordelia at the beginning. But now you kind of understand why he did the things he did and said and he truly didn’t know the damage he was doing by saying all the stuff he did. During the book we see how much Alastair does to protect his family, especially his sister even when she doesn’t see it fully, and we also see how he is dealing with his own demons like his sexuality and needing to accept himself. I can’t wait to see more of Alastair in the next books.

From Alastair, I would like to touch on Thomas Lightwood who I have to say I love. Honestly I love all of the Merry Thieves and Thomas is no exception. He is definitely the kindest in the group, trying to see the good in everybody which is no easy feat. He is also sort of Christopher’s protector to a point, making sure he doesn’t hurt himself and such, which sometimes puts Thomas in the background. He also has feelings which he doesn’t understand and I can’t wait to explore that more.

That brings me to Christopher Lightwood, Thomas’s cousin and a mini Henry. I LOVE Christopher! That boi needs protection! He is just so precious and the way he still always tries to protect his friends and his big sister, oh it is just beautiful. Literally he is the most wholesome character and I love him so much. That one scene when someone was saying something bad about Anna and Christopher got so mad and protective. It was the best.

Now I’ll talk about Anna Lightwood. I’ve loved Anna since the first time we saw her in the short stories and my love has just grown. She is such a complex character while still being loved by all, as she should be. She observes her Merry Thieves and knows what’s going on before they even do. She reminds me of Magnus Bane in that way. She also has a history with Ariadne that I can’t wait to see more of how that history comes back to make Anna fully happy again.

I would also like to touch on Barbara and Eugenia Lightwood. It was honestly the saddest when Barbara died because Thomas doesn’t deserve that, but also Gideon and Sophie. To lose a child is the hardest thing to go through, and after everything that Gideon and Sophie have been through, they don’t deserve that. But besides that, I really liked Barbara in the short time that we knew her. Cassie never really talked about Thomas’s sisters before the books came out so I didn’t think they would really make an appearance, which made me sad because they were Gideon and Sophie’s daughters. But now that Barbara showed that she was actually fairly important for the plot of the book, I’m excited to see more Eugenia in the future. I want to know what happened to her that makes her not accepted in society, which is hinted at during the book saying she was ruined because of stuff to do with a boy. But now I want to know more and see her more.

Next is Grace Blackthorn who I hate. I hate her and her manipulative ways with James. A small part of me kind of feels bad since she has a terrible adoptive mother and her brother died, but still she is a batch. That’s all I have to say.

Jesse Blackthorn is someone I actually want to see more of and who I’m very intrigued by. He’s very nice and thoughtful despite having a disaster of a mother. I really don’t have much else to say about him besides the fact that I want him to be alive but not if it hurts Lucie or gets her into trouble. I hope Grace does all the dirty work.

Lastly we have Charles Buford Fairchild… I don’t even know what to say. How did Charlotte and Henry raise such an asshole? They are literally the best and practically raised Will, Jem and Jessamine, how is their first born a dick? Matthew is even an amazing guy who cared about everyone but himself while Charles is the opposite. He cares only for himself! God, and the way he talks about his mother not being a strong Consul and how he took credit for everything that the younger kids did makes me want to barf. He literally doesn’t deserve anything, including a loving family and amazing parents and brother. He makes me mad.

Relationships

Now I want to talk about the relationship between two or more characters in the book.

To start off, all of the sibling relationships are life, excluding Matthew and Charles. Like James and Lucie, Cordelia and Alastair, Anna and Christopher, Thomas and Barbara and Eugenia, even Jesse and Grace. They are all really beautiful and make me happy.

Matthew, James and Cordelia- this little love triangle actually really interests me and I love all the scenes that have all three of them running around and going on adventures. I’m really excited to see more of them in the next books.

Lucie and Cordelia- this friendship is really nice to read about, but I was kind of disappointed not to have more scenes where it’s just the two of them. I feel like there wasn’t a whole lot of time to do that in this book,mbit hopefully in the next one we can see that and their parabatai ceremony.

Thomas and Christopher- I love that these cousins have such a strong relationship and I really want them to be parabatai. I just think that would make their relationship that much stronger and I want that for them.

Jesse and Lucie- I really like these two together and I know from the family tree that came with the Clockwork Princess, that they end up together and that is how the Blackthorn line continues, which makes me happy. But there were also some false dates and such on the family tree, like Lucie’s birthdate, so I also don’t know if we can trust the family tree but I do really hope that these two end up together and somehow Jesse is resurrected without it hurting Lucie in any way.

Anna and Ariadne- At first when we met these two in the Ghosts of the Shadow Market short story, I did not like Ariadne. I mean, she broke Anna’s heart and made her think love was only pain and heartbreak so now she only does one night stands, which is kind of sad because she deserves someone special. But then at the end of the book when Ariadne goes up to Anna and says that she will do anything to get her back, I was so excited and happy because even with their history, they are perfect together and are meant to be, so I hope to see more of their relationship blossom in the next book.

Thomas and Alastair- So like I said before when talking about Alastair, I didn’t like him because of the things he said and did when he was at the Shadowhunter Academy, and I was a little bit annoyed that Thomas was the only one being nice to him because he really didn’t deserve it. But then we saw them in Paris and honestly, that made me so happy. I love Alastair now and I think that they both deserve happiness and someone special, and I really hope that is with each other, but if not, then I hope they both find other people to make them happy.

Charlotte and Henry and Matthew- What I really want to see more of in the next book, is Matthew with his parents. We know that Matthew has a strained relationship with them because of what he did in the past, poisoning his mom and killing his unborn sister, all because of what Alastair had said to him at school, but I really hope that they can fix their relationship in the next book. I want to see more Charlotte and Henry caring for their kids like the other parents do, and maybe some more one-on-one with Matthew and Charlotte where they try to see what the problem is and Charlotte trying to help her son. Also I want to see Charlotte give Charles a whooping for being an asshole.

Plot

Now that we are done with all the characters, I would like to touch on the stuff that actually happened in the story. What I really loved though, about Chain of Gold, was the amount of scenes where it was just character interaction and development because like I said before, I love the characters in a story the most. This is usually what Cassandra Clare does in her books, which makes them longer and bigger, because she focuses on her characters and their journey’s, all the while getting some action in there. That was what we had with this book, a little less action and a little more learning about who these characters are as people and I really enjoyed that. But aside from the characters, the plot was very intriguing in itself. We learn that for these kids’ whole lives, London has been pretty demon-free, which causes everyone to have a false sense of security and none of the Shadowhunters are very experienced in the field. When demons do start to come back, it is a shock to their London community especially when the demons walk in the daylight and are only there to injure Shadowhunters and make them sick. I thought that whole plotline was very interesting, especially since the whole city had to go into quarantine because of this sickness, and that is literally what is happening in the world right now with COVID-19. I laughed out loud when that happened.

I really enjoyed the whole connection to the demon realm and James and his grandfather, because we never touched that in the Infernal Devices series with Tessa, and it's cool to see how it’s only coming out now and how it affects her kids. Even with all that, and the Herondale’s usually need to sacrifice themselves for their loved ones, I love how James didn’t when he was in the demon realm. He had a chance to give himself up to Belial to possess James and save everyone in London, but he didn’t and instead found another way. That was refreshing to see, because I don’t think I could have gone through another book with my boys cursed or possessed. (Literally Jace, Will and Julian.) I mean, James still has some power over him from Grace and that damn bracelet, but at least for the time being James isn't also possessed by his demon grandpa. Speaking about the bracelet, I really liked how the bracelet wasn’t on for the whole book, so we could see how James usually acted around his friends and family when he wasn’t being controlled by anyone. I was mad when the bracelet went back on, but we can’t get everything we wish for, especially when it’s a Cassandra Clare book.

I also definitely knew that Tatiana was behind everything, since the beginning and knew that she tied in to everything including Belial and his plans and controlling Grace and everything. She is just the worst and I have always hated her and I will always hate her. She’s like the Zara Dearborn of this series, you just hate her so much and there's no sympathy for anything she does. At least with Jonathon Morgenstern, you felt a little bit bad for him because his father made him the devil he is and he just wants to be loved by someone. And for Axel Mortmain, he just wants to get revenge for his warlock parents who were brutally killed by Shadowhunters, and same with Malcolm Fade who just wants his dear Annabel to be alive with him. Literally you can find the good in antagonists sometimes, which is literally my favourite thing to see in a story, but with Tatiana Blackthorn, she’s a bitch and she should die.

Lastly I just wanted to say that every scene with all the Merry Thieves was beautiful and I can’t wait for more of them!

Thank you for staying till the end if you made it this far. If not I understand, it’s all kind of jumbled and long, so no hard feelings if you couldn’t read this whole thing. And sorry for everyone who did read this and got lost because all my ideas are just one big mess on the page, but oh well. I write this for me, so who really cares.

Until next time!

~Rose Reviews

#chain of gold #cassandraclare #shadowhunters #the last hours

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cloudywriter · 5 years ago

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the best things are unexpected - 1

~~~

A/N: just a quick wessa two-shot i wrote!

Part 2

~~~

Tessa held her stomach, feeling it tense up and ache again. She hunched over the bowl as another spout of nausea hit her, her head spun as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the bowl. Sophie was behind her holding her hair & rubbing her back. Although she was no longer a maid she was still Tessa’s friend and only wanted her to feel better.

“You know, Will is becoming quite worried, are you sure you are alright?” Sophie asked as Tessa set the bowl back down. She looked up at Sophie and shakily sat back into the chair that was set in the corner of her and Will’s room. Her complexion was pale and her hair stuck to her forehead in a cold sweat. Tessa waved off Sophie, “I’m alright, it’s likely just a nasty bug.”

Sophie shook her head, “bugs don’t last two weeks, Tessa, you ought to call on the Silent Brothers.” Tessa’s expression tightened at the mention of the Silent Brothers; although it had been quite some time since Jem had left to become one anytime they came up in conversation Tessa couldn’t but feel a pang in her chest. “I’m alright, I feel better as we speak,” Tessa reassured her. Sophie sighed before there was a light knock on the heavy oak bedroom door.

“Tess?” Will’s voice carried through the door. “May I come in?”

Sophie turned to Tessa and Tessa made a face, “I don’t want you to see me in this state, Will.” Despite this statement the handle turned and Will stood in the doorway before making his way over to Tessa. He kneeled down next to her and took her hand into his. “Tess, we are married now, I shall see you in all your states no matter how vomit ridden they may be,” Will said this with a sly smile while Tessa rolled her eyes and swatted his shoulder with her free hand.

“I’ll go ask Bridget to make you some tea,” Sophie spoke before letting herself out. As the door closed behind her Will turned his attention back to his wife.

“Alright now you are free to confess that you’ve laid with a demon and have come down with a dreadful case of demon pox.” Tessa laughed a little and shook her head, “I’ve done no such thing.” Will’s expression turned from humor to a more worried, serious one. “Really, Tess, you’ve been ill off and on for a while, I am beginning to worry,” Will admitted. “I am feeling better, don’t worry,” Tessa reassured him. Another knock came at the door, it opened revealing a small woman, Charlotte, standing in its wake.

Will stood up and turned to face her. “I’m afraid there’s been reports of odd activity down at a shop in town, possibly demons though I’m not sure,” Charlotte noted. “What kind of activity?” Will asked, crossing his arms and sticking a hand under his chin. “There’s been reports of someone promising mundanes a show, a show that proves that the shadow world exists,” Charlotte said, before a flash of bright red hair ran out behind her. Charlotte hurried after the blob, calling for her son Charles to quit running. Will drew in a breath, “I suppose we are going to check it out soon.” “Well I will be joining you, I need to get out of the institute.” Tessa decreed. “No, not in your state, you must rest,” Will countered. Tessa gave him a look and Will sighed, he knew it would be no use to argue with her; she would come whether he allowed it or not. “Fine, but you better be careful, do not over do it.” Will finally said. Tessa nodded and got up as Will disappeared presumably to change into his gear. Tessa did the same.

Tessa made her way down the stairs into the common room slowly, still feeling a bit weak. In the room was a flurry of adults in gear and kids running around screaming. It was 1885 now, Tessa and Will had been the ones running the institute for some time as Charlotte was the Consul now, however, the holidays were coming up and everyone was back around ready to celebrate. There were two mundane nannies who possessed the sight attempting to control the children, but with very little success. Will was standing in the corner of the room silently with his arms crossed in front of him. Tessa saw he was watching Anna, Charles, Barbara, and Eugenia who were all running around, if they could, screaming with laughter. His lips were warped into a smile, Tessa felt her heart drop a bit, she knew how much he longed for children and Tessa felt so guilty that she was unable to provide. Sophie walked into the room with Gideon following behind her, carrying baby Thomas. He handed Thomas off to the nanny as Sophie asked if everyone was ready to go. A series of nods went through the room as the group headed towards the doors. Charlotte waved them off as she was pregnant and not feeling up to demon hunting at the moment.

***

They all arrived outside the shops entrance, a sign hung over head, The Warlock Nest, it read. It was dusk, the last bit of daylight sinking into moonlight, but the streets of London were surprisingly empty, far too empty. A strange feeling filled the air around the group. Cecily and Will peeked into the shop’s windows, “it looks closed,” Cecily finally pointed out. Will nodded in agreement, “how peculiar,” he muttered. Gabriel spoke up, “you suppose we should just poke around?” Will shrugged drawing out a seraph blade, “I suppose so.” Everyone did the same, cautiously taking out their weapon of choice just in case. They broke into groups to investigate the shop and surrounding areas. Gabriel, Gideon, and Will went into the shop. Cecily and Henry headed down one street while Sophie and Tessa went down the opposing one. Tessa and Sophie walked in silence for a short while when Sophie broke it, “Tessa?”

“Yes?” Tessa replied. Sophie took in a breath before continuing, “have you considered that you could be pregnant?” Tessa stopped in her tracks. It had been a thought, an idea that she had entertained for a millisecond before dismissing it. She couldn’t allow herself to believe such a thing, to get her hopes up, only to have them let her down. Tessa shook her head quickly, walking again down the darkening sidewalk. “It isn’t possible.” Tessa concluded. “It could be possible, Tessa, you’re one of a kind, nobody knows whether it’s possible or not.” Sophie protested. “I’m not sure Sophie, I feel if there was a chance, it would have already happened,” Tessa frowned. Sophie returned her frown, “at least promise me you will allow me to summon the Silent Brothers when we get back to make certain.” “If you insist,” Tessa sighed. “I do insist-” Sophie began but a sudden tight hand on her shoulder made her stop mid sentence. She turned to look at Tessa who was now idle and holding her stomach, her face twisted into a look of someone who was in pain. “Tessa? Are you okay?” Sophie asked, concern in her voice.

Tessa nodded and took a deep breath before retrieving her hand from Sophie’s shoulder. “I’m sorry just had a bit of stomach pain,” Tessa assured her. Sophie opened her mouth to respond when a yell echoed down the street, Sophie and Tessa both whipped their heads back to see a giant black mass racing towards them with a flurry of people running after it, seraph blades out and fired up. Out of instinct, both girls darted in the opposite direction of the approaching creature and into the closest alley. Sophie entered the alley first, scanning her surroundings, she wasn’t normally one to run from the danger but her worry for Tessa drove her to decide it was best to stray away. There were two doors in the alley each likely leading into the back of a shop, Sophie spun her head back around and saw Tessa was leaning against the dark brick wall, panting and holding her stomach, looking awfully pale. Sophie pulled on both doors but to no avail, she attempted to kick them in before realizing the doors seemed to open out from the inside. She cursed under her breath, “alright Tessa, we are going to have to get out of here and run down the street before the demon gets any closer.” Tessa only nodded in response, she appeared as if she was about to be sick. Sophie was holding onto Tessa’s arm as she peered around the wall and saw the others were yelling and slashing, pursuing the demon. Sophie sprinted out, Tessa in tow, toward the institute carriage. Upon seeing them, the demon let out a gut wrenching scream and barreled towards them. Tessa swirled around, her face drained of color, her hand still clutching her stomach and drew out a blade quickly, swinging at the demon with all the strength she could muster. Since the sword bore no runes, the demon continued unfazed and swiped at her with a large dark hand. Tessa was knocked off her feet with a loud thud. Sophie lunged forward and sliced off the demon’s hand as it rushed towards Tessa, ichor splattering across her face. Will had caught up to them in record time and helped Tessa to her feet. She groaned and held onto him desperately.

Will had forgotten about all the chaos around them, he forgot there was an unholy monster towering above him, at that moment he forgot that his duty was to rid the world of those ungodly things. All he saw was his wife, his love, his life looking deathly pale, crumpled on the road. Will dropped everything and scooped her up, her face indicated that she was in unimaginable pain. He swiftly took her out of the face of danger and looked back noticing that the demon had been taken down by the rest of the gang. They rushed their way over to Tessa and Will, “we can come back, take Tessa to the institute and summon the Silent Brothers immediately,” Sophie instructed Will. Will nodded, his expression wild with worry and concern.

Will loaded himself and Tessa in the carriage as the others continued with the mission they had been set out to investigate. The carriage rushed forward with a jerk and the vibration of horse hooves on brick rattle the vehicle.

Tessa wasn’t completely unconscious, her eyes were open and wide, she reached up at Will and murmured something softly. Although Will couldn’t hear what she had said it still brought him some comfort as he continued to hold her and whisper sweet nothings. He stroked her hair lightly, brushing it back from her face.

“Is this a bad time to say I told you so?”

Even through Tessa’s pained expression a wave of amusement washed over it swiftly. It was so like Will, she thought. To be in such a situation as this and poke fun at it. He could only be so serious for so long. But she never minded, ever since Jem left anytime Will made his sly comments it was like music to Tessa’s ears. Even though he had lost someone so dear to him, as did she, he was still Will. Her Will.

***

In the infirmary, Tessa opened her eyes to the stitched, scarred face of Brother Enoch hovering over her. Mrs. Herondale, are you aware of your situation? The emotionless voice filled her head and she suddenly became mindful of her surroundings and the events that had taken place. She nodded timidly, her throat feeling dry and scratchy. As if Brother Enoch had read her mind, he handed Tessa a clear glass of water. She drank it calmly, before speaking “yes, I have been feeling ill for a while, nothing more.” Brother Enoch had no detectable emotional response to her statement, only talking in her mind once again. You are not just ill, you are with child. Tessa almost choked on her water. Her mind filled with a craze of questions, but all that came out was a simple how.

I am uncertain of how, you are of no creature that’s been encountered before. But it remains true that you are carrying a child and that child is of shadowhunter descendant, therefore, it takes up much of your energy leaving you weak and sickly. You must rest and conserve your energy or you’ll only collapse as you did today.

Tessa’s lips were pressed into a small line. “But my child, is it alright?” She finally asked. Yes, the child is well. You must rest now but I will allow the others in. Tessa nodded, putting her now empty glass on the table next to her as she sunk back into the cream colored cot.

~~~

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