#especially with online friendships when i see people talking to someone else and not me

[nightingaleglow]

you know that feeling when you see someone as a friend and you so badly want them to see you as a friend to but you have no idea if they do or not cause it's constantly mixed signals yeah😔

[lachiennearoo]

How to Make Friends

A more-or-less clear guide on social interactions

Growing up with heavy ADHD and generalized anxiety, it was always a bit hard for me to make friends and socialize. Despite my yearning for friendship, I was always "the quiet one" and "a loner", simply because I didn't know how to approach certain social situations, and it made any friendship I had extremely unstable (except for my sister @vive-le-quebec-flouffi, who was so extroverted and friendly it was literally impossible to escape her clutches of socialization)

As I grew older, I learned through a lot of trial and error what makes a good friendship.

Or, rather... what's the best way for someone to WANT to be your friend (without being superficial or hypocritical.)

Now, obviously, this doesn't work for everyone. But this is what I found helped me the most in social circles (especially online) and I hope it can help others too

LET'S BEGIN!

1 - Be yourself

Now that sounds very cliche and cringe, I know, but hear me out, because my opinion on this is not the same as all those feelgood inspirational movies and ads.

"Being yourself" isn't as simple as it seems. Because after all, what does "self" imply? If someone is, say, a criminal, would "be yourself" mean that they should embrace their sinful side?

No, obviously not.

"Be yourself" is a bit more nuanced, but I'll try to boil it down for you.

It just means "be unashamed of your qualities which you think are flaws". For example, "be yourself" would apply to someone who sees themselves as ugly, or maybe someone with an odd yet unharmful hobby, or a weird sense of fashion, or someone with say a handicap, a speech impediment. "Be yourself" is a sentence for the specific people who have genuine good in them, but are afraid to show it to others because they have been persecuted in the past, or are scared to be. It does NOT mean to accept genuine flaws. "Be yourself" does not include say violent anger issues, an addiction, a recent crime committed, or a generally unpleasant personality. Those are obviously not things to encourage. You can understand they may be a thing that happen to you, and accept it in your life, but that's different from being proud of it or encouraging it.

Speaking of personalities... let's talk about that

2 - Be kind

Now when some people hear that, they think it means "always smile no matter what, always look happy and positive, always agree with everyone just so you don't hurt their feelings, and never cause any drama", like you're Deku in My Hero Academia or Steven Universe in his titular show.

But that's... not quite that.

Obviously, kindness is something you use to help people feel better, to cheer up, and feel happy, and obviously to be kind, you need to have compassion, heart, empathy, and always put yourself in other people's shoes regardless of who they are. But it is not necessarily all-encompassing.

There's a rule that I think anyone learning kindness must learn. It's that sometimes, kindness means to be firm.

Not mean, of course. Not judgmental, not insensitive. Don't insult anyone, don't belittle or patronize anyone or make them feel inferior to you. That's still very rude and that's not what you want.

But what I mean is that sometimes, if you know that a person's actions towards something are wrong, especially if it's towards someone else, you must be able to point it out, and act accordingly. Don't just stand there and agree with them just because you don't want to hurt their feelings. You must still be able to know right from wrong. Kindness just means you won't be an ass about it, it doesn't mean to stay silent.

Hey, that brings me to point three!

3 - Show your own opinions

If there's one thing people hate just as much as meanness, it's those who stand by and do nothing about it.

Regardless of if you agree with them or not, if you say absolutely nothing when genuinely bad behaviour is happening, out of fear of "starting a fight", you are actively making the person who is being attacked feel alone.

I remember myself, when I was bullied in the first two grades of secondary school (11-13 years old for those who don't know) for "being ugly", I was told by my mother (who was friends with other kid's parents) that some of the kids "didn't hate me" and "didn't agree with the bullying". And I asked her "if they don't hate me, why won't they talk to me?" She never managed to answer that one. And it broke my heart, because outside of my sister, I had no one else.

Don't be like that. You may be scared of acting, but you know who would be grateful if you did act? The victims. And isn't their opinion of you much more important than the opinion of someone who acts with hatred and bigotry?

If you see someone suffering injustice, or even just hear someone who has a rather harmful opinion, don't be scared to tell them that you disagree. Obviously don't be an asshole about it, stay civil, but if you voice out your opinion, you will be seen as someone who stays true to their beliefs and is brave enough to stand up for them if the opportunity comes.

There's obviously much more that comes with social life (nonverbal cues, sense of humor, timing and mood), and I don't know everything (I'm just some random québécois girl on the internet). But I hope this was a bit more helpful. I did have fun writing this, at least. So I guess that's better than nothing!

[doberbutts]

Honestly it's weird to me for folks to say things like "you're prominent in transandrophobia circles" when A: I don't really use that word unless I'm making a specific point about how people get really mad about that word, B: mostly I just talk about my dogs and/or how much I like dobermans, and C: it is super not my fault that my untagged posts talking about my life or my thoughts resonate with so many people.

But especially the "you talk about transandrophobia therefore I deliberately skimmed your post to get mad at you and call you an MRA" like. I'm talking about the hardships that I and my friends and people who I personally know have faced.

I focus on the trans guy ones because I'm a trans guy and I feel significantly more comfortable talking about my own problems than someone else's. I have trans women as friends too, I just prefer to let them do the talking when it comes to their problems, same with my arab friends and my jewish friends and my lesbian friends and my asian friends etc etc. They know their lives better than I do so when they're speaking about their experience I shut up and listen and they do the same for me. When they post them, instead of just talk to me privately about them, I reblog it.

But my life isn't entirely online. And to be quite frank the bulk of my friendships are not had on tumblr but in person and usually on my couch. Even my solely online friendships like my gaming group you won't see much here.

Sorry if the bits of my life I share on here don't align with whatever political bias and theory you've memorized but honestly it sounds like a you problem 🤷‍♂️

[edenfenixblogs]

I have told the one (1) real friend I have out here that I plan to move home because the antisemitic isolation has gotten so bad.

If I were a pettier person, I wouldn’t tell anyone else until I’m already closed on a house back home. And when they’re like “why are you moving?” I’d say “antisemitic isolation from most social groups.” And when they ask “Why didn’t you say anything?” I’d say, “Because you’re the ones who did the isolation.”

I won’t. Cuz that won’t actually solve anything. It’ll just make people who don’t think they’re antisemitic go “oh? Eden? Yeah that was super weird how she called us all antisemites and then left. She must’ve been a Zionist or something cuz I didn’t even say anything about Palestine to her.”

Like…I know. You didn’t say anything to me. You didn’t ask how I was doing. You certainly didn’t acknowledge Jewish pain in any way, beyond liking one (1) post a few months ago. Most of you muted me on here. Most of you don’t respond to unrelated information or posts in group chats about genuinely nonpolitical topics. None of you are ever “free” to hang out. You don’t support me when I’m sad. Fine, maybe that’s not what you do. That’s ok. My emotions aren’t your responsibility. You don’t offer distraction. You don’t offer an ear. You leave me on read when I see you online.

I see the statistics that seem to say “most people think their friends hate them but they actually really like you!”

But I don’t think this applies to Jews. Especially leftist Jews tbh. But I do wonder if the antisemites who hate their Jewish friends even KNOW that they hate their Jewish friends.

Like, I wonder what they’d say if they were asked “Do you dislike Eden?” Because I think they’d say no. I think they’d say that, maybe, I’m a little much right now. I’m a little too intense. Maybe they’d say they like me a lot but just want this all to die down before we hang out. Or maybe they’d say that they did used to like me but I’ve recently made them uncomfortable.

But that’s not friendship. When someone you care about enough to call a friend is literally an emotional wreck for months, regardless of the reason, and you have not at any point attempted to be there for them in any meaningful way (and I mean, at all. Hanging out once. Calling once. Asking how I’m doing once. Saying “antisemitism is bad” even once. Taking me up on my offer to discuss anything about current events if they have questions. Politely declining my offer to discuss current events because you find it all too stressful. Letting me know that you care about me as a person but the current crisis is too much for you to think about right now, so you’d rather not bring it up. Literally ANY of these actions and a million others that would take you hardly any effort at all.) then you clearly don’t think of me as a friend, actually. You do hate me, actually.

Because what kind of person does that to a friend. What kind of person abandons us like this? It’s like they might as well just say “we like you so much, but like…not when you talk about or experience life as a Jewish person.”

They might as well just say “she’s fine enough to be around. Too bad she’s a Jew.”

Or, maybe, being isolated from people for 5 months is really distorting my perspective and none of this is true or valid.

But I can’t help but feel…being isolated for 5 months is very much reinforcing my points.

I’m officially done trying to make plans with any “friends,” except the one person who ever replies to me.

I basically said “if anyone ever wants to hang out, let me know” and that’s the last I’ll say to basically any of them about making plans.

What’s the point? I don’t want to beg people to spend time with me.

That said, when I called one of my best friends back home to tell her I was moving back, I told her the isolation was really getting to me. I told her that I was feeling like maybe nobody ever really liked me all that much and that I’m hard to be around and that being Jewish at this time and experiencing pain publicly was just the final straw to them excluding me. Maybe I’m just fundamentally unlikable.

But she told me that was dumb and I’m dumb for saying it. And she’s seen me at my best and my worst.

Idk. This post is long and personal and weird but I’m trying to be vulnerable and document how I’m feeling during this time. I think maybe I’m prone to look back on this when this current I/P flare is over and think to myself, “maybe I was just making a big deal out of nothing.” I want to have a record of how I’m feeling. Because at this moment when I’m living through it, it feels cataclysmic.

Like..I’m not even concerned about any of my “friends” finding this cuz I’m pretty sure they’ve all muted me anyway.

[ohmymalice]

Lackluster Tendencies

jschlatt x f!reader | 674 words ! | part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4

high school au, sfw, "You don't seem to be the person I thought you'd be."

ALSO A QUICK NOTE BECAUSE I THINK THIS MIGHT BE CONFUSING!! I refer to Schlatt as Jay for his real name and Schlatt is his online username. His friends online call him Schlatt and friends in school call him Jay.

(blue text is schlatt grey is y/n)

He worried a little, thinking that maybe he used his little internet persona humor way too early into this friendship they had. The ringing of his phone filled his ears, the white screen suddenly faded into black and showed her name.

Y/n is calling... Pick up?

He lets it ring for a few seconds and picks up, his hands sweating a little.

"So when did you become a jackass?" she asked, teasing him for the unexpected response. "Always been one, just hid it well." She scoffed at his reply.

There was an awkward silence on the line, and before he could think, his mouth starts running before he could even make an effort to stop

"I didn't expect you to be this way," he mumbled out, fiddling with the phone in his hand.

"In what way?"

"Like- like.. all the cussing and shit, I thought you were just some pretty girl with an innocent face who seemed to be friends with everyone."

She snorted in response, chuckling. "So you thought I was just some girl with a pretty face?"

"Yes- fuck, I mean- I just didn't expect that you could be nice to someone like me, I guess? I didn't think you were an asshole or anythin' I just-"

"Thought I was one of those biased popular bitches who were only nice to other popular people?"

"Yeah, maybe it was a harsh assumption."

"Harsh but fair, and honestly? If we're talking about first impressions, I thought you were some quiet kid at the back of the class who might've turned out a school shooter if nobody talked to them."

Schlatt's jaw hung open, not expecting a joke like that to come out of her mouth. He just started laughing.

"THAT, that is what I mean by I don't expect you to be that way."

"Well, you're one of the first to know, congrats. I don't have a lot of close friends, friends yeah but anyone I hang around consistently? Not at all." Schlatt hummed in reply, getting the gist of things.

"I don't have as many friends as you, but I do get the whole, uh- the whole thing about not having a lot of close friends. I thought you had tons of friends, just assumed I didn't get to see you a lot, so I didn't get to see who you hung around a lot with either."

On the other line, the girl shook her head, giggling. Oh,  how wrong he was.

"I'd try to be close to the people I know but sometimes it's just draining, especially with my whole drama club stuff... and to be honest-" She trailed off, taking in a breath as she held the phone in between her shoulder and cheek.

"Shit- I don't even know how to put it into to words." She mumbled, he stayed quiet on the line, scared if he tried to say anything it would just make her feel worse.

"I guess I feel like not a lot of people would get me or like me. Not the little persona I put up. Shit I'm rambling, my bad." She mumbled out the last part, feeling like she overshared a little.

"I don't mind hearing you ramble." The words slipped out of his lips, thinking how lame and stupid he probably sounded.

She smiled, for the first time in a while. "Really? Most people would usually try to change the subject every time I got too real."

"Seriously, how could you even think anyone would be bored or not like you."

If anything, it was too easy to like her.

She was gonna interject, tell him how wrong he was and that he'd end up like everyone else. He'll end up walking away from her life and get bored the moment he realizes that there was nothing more to her but the door to her bedroom swung open and her dad started yelling, grumbling about something she couldn't understand.

Before even thinking, she ended the call

leaving Schlatt thinking he did something wrong.

[florenceisfalling]

just a disclaimer regarding a recent barrage of false accusations with me bc ive decided im tired of not defending myself

my ex has posted a lot of things, these are the ones i can remember (me looking at her blog is bad for the both of us, so im not going to check if i missed anything)

i did not have sex with anybody else

i also did not kiss anybody else, or anything she could have been implying re: any "risk" of illness

i did not get into an argument with her that led to her hospitalization. when speaking to her other partner (the one she called X), she stated that she JUST had a nightmare.

she did not actually attempt, and was not in any physical danger after a small injury; she went to work the next day and didn't get hospitalized until after she talked to an authority about how she worried she MIGHT hurt herself worse. <- not downplaying what actually happened, it was really tough, but she is lying about it

X did not tell her "some" of the truth. they told her everything, and she agreed for months before now.

i did not quote her "asking [me] to stop cheating" as an "unfair request". i quoted her referring to me as the dehumanizing phrase "public property," which was said to me when i was not doing anything romantic or sexual with other people. this was in a song that spoke of her positively, which she openly admitted to misunderstanding once i explained it to her.

i do not owe her money. i offered some to be helpful while we were still aiming for friendship, and i was begging her not to take anything out on X, but she is now calling my loved ones to try to convince them that i have some actual debt to her. X ALSO doesnt owe her money for the trip, because she promised repeatedly while planning process that they would not have to pay her back if they broke up/things went wrong

i did not post anyone in a romantic context other than her. she was told that i did by someone who tried to convince her to cheat on me last year. additionally, when asked to take down the posts, i did, even though they were my friends just doing school stuff

i also did not plan the road trip the way she talks about it. i wanted to visit her as a priority and also visit at least 5 of my friends as a little buddy trip. this didn't actually happen, i just visited her.

once again reiterating: i did not have sex with anybody other than her

i never called her "clocky," she probably assumed this post (and other posts i made about my self-identified "clocky" transfem friends online, who were experiencing harassment post-p.redstrogen situation) was about her somehow. she is not transfem; trying to make transfem bottom surgery experiences or anything else into "experiences [she] had" is disingenuous. she's a femme woman, i validated and argued for her visible and personal femininity; if i failed in some regards, that is my bad. but telling a trans person in a t4t relationship that they need to "get help" because you used to feel jealous about them uplifting tgirls is just transphobic. acting like its a defense of transfems is even worse. and claiming my love for tgirls is solely a sexual, comptop, anti-surgery thing is especially frustrating when she repeatedly failed to accept that i do top and want a phalloplasty.

i never threatened her, nor did i talk about "gathering information on her." all i said was that, in the same way i could tell when her ex was stalking me, i might see if she was block evading me, on a post that she only could have seen if she was block evading me

i didn't publicly air out my side through that song or through vent posts. i haven't taken down any of my vent posts, you can look through them, many of them had nothing to do with her and all of them avoided details.

i also did not orchestrate a fucking drive-by shooting. i never thought i'd have to clarify this . she also presumably doesn't actually believe i did, since she still texts my roommate pictures of squirrels, which isn't "dealing with accomplices to murder schemes" behavior

i did not pressure X into anything, send her messages about how they weren't compatible, convince them of that, or get between them and her. i was the one trying to convince them to go visit her and make the flight, trying to help her out, but they couldn't because they were literally worried sick.

i wasn't even in a real relationship with her when X was supposed to go on that trip; she wanted to split up and even had my number muted but insisted that i still follow "rules" and call her my fiancee until she was ready to let me go

i did not say she "got owned" and my friends did not behave as a public "echochamber"; none of my friends talked with me about it except in private conversations she had no exposure to

i did not treat her like a sexual object. part of the issue with her false accusations about my sex life is that i was so detached from my sexuality from the entirety of spring break until the end of august that i started identifying as ace for a period. during this time, she yelled at me after i was too busy crying to have sex with her. over the summer i started cutting recreationally, but was careful not to do it in a bad mood to avoid habit-forming; during a serious argument she guilt tripped about how i hadn't yet carved her initials into my thigh before i was ready. she unsafely/improperly tried to choke me without discussing it beforehand, admitting that she looked up the right way a while ago but didn't remember. serious mental health struggles for me were reduced to being obstacles for my sexuality. i cannot emphasize enough how objectifying it feels from my end to have a semester of incredibly tough friendship situations boiled down to "oh you must be having sex with other people," followed by constant sexual bids for connection to fix the relationship that often failed to respect notions of enthusiastic consent.

all of the things i did do, are by her own definition, not sex, were equivalent to what she did with her own friends during our relationship, and went completely unaddressed by her anyway, so i am not even going to bother defending myself on those when she'd rather make up new accusations baselessly

in the imaginary world where i did have sex with other people, that does not excuse the cornering me by regularly threatening suicide, the belittling me for not "centering" her on two separate occasions where my friends DID attempt suicide and i was called for help (during one of these situations she vent posted about me not talking to her while i was literally writing statements ordered by campus police), the vivid descriptions to my face of how badly she wanted to physically hurt me and my loved ones, the direct ableism as well as vitriol and unwanted sexual comments towards my alters, the biphobia and transmisogyny rampant in claiming my love for transfems has anything to do with "girlcock," her telling me to my face that me giving her less attention again would be "worse" to her than me dying gruesomely, the sexual harassment she now is doing in the form of posting details and lies about my sex life to her public blogs as revenge, and so on.

lastly, any claims that she has to post publicly to get my attention aren't true. she does still contact me. she unblocked me to send and unsend me messages before.

i'm glad she's trying to live a more fulfilling life now, and i am too; im in therapy, in better communication with family, etc. but things are way out of hand and i cannot keep prioritizing her peace over mine when i am not hers anymore.

this is NOT a callout post, i do not want this to circulate, i do not want anyone to contact her, i want people to have a disclaimer on ME before making assumptions so here it is. anyone i see adding her name to this post, spreading it, sharing it with her, etc is getting blocked immediately. this doesn't even scratch the surface of what went wrong or what happened throughout our relationship, but it at least addresses the immediate accusations. this post is not directed at her, its directed at people who approach me about her, and i have no interest in arguing with her anymore- i want her to be able to move on and be happy, very, very far away from me.

[confessions-official]

I’m going to send the rest of my life a friendless shut in. My ex framed me. She physically abused me for months, then self harmed and took pictures, posting it online and said I did it and I was the one abusing her. To make matters worse she convinced everyone I used to be close to that I was crazy and had basically forced her to date me when she was the one who initiated the whole thing.

Anyway, I lost all my friends at 26 and my family disowned me. If this has to happen I wish it could have happened in my teens or early 20s when it’s actually possible to rebuild. But no I had to be practically thirty when she took a wrecking ball to everything I’d been building my entire life.

You cannot make new friends at this age. I’ve tried. Everyone has their own life and their own little cliques full of people they’ve known since they were in diapers. They don’t want to add new people. My neighbor is 22 and we hung out every day the summer after she moved out but he matured early so he’s already at the stage in life where he doesn’t have room for any new friends in his life. That’s what he told me at the end of the summer when we were out drinking together and I said something stupid like, “it’s good to finally have a friend around here.” He told me that we were never actually friends and that a real friendship takes at least ten years to build and his circle was full anyway with people he grew up with and he didn’t have room in his life for another friend and after that he stopped talking to me.

I had the same experience with others. At my stage in life it’s too late to build new friendships, especially considering that life’s already half over because 25 is middle age because most people only live until they’re 50.

Even if that weren’t a factor I’d still be doomed to a life of isolation. Being someone’s only friend is a lot of pressure to put on someone and they will eventually wonder why no one else will even speak to you, why you’re alone on the holidays, don’t talk about the past, why your family never comes to see you, etc. and when they find out they’ll leave because no one wants to let someone with that kind of darkness and baggage into their life and I can paste on a smile and dodge the questions all I want and they’ll still figure it out somehow.

I’m fucked

 

[dudeshusband]

I know having people talk to you from behind a screen isn't fulfilling, and definitely doesn't make up for the love you should be receiving from friends and family irl, but I promise I really only mean the best when I say I care about you. Maybe it's a drop of ink next to an ocean of water, but that's the best I can do and i want to give you that much.

And I don't think you're being unreasonable, I just think there's a difference between what is presently happening and what is speculation on the future. Saying "I am lonely" isn't unreasonable, it's your feelings and that's completely valid, I'm not trying to argue with that. But saying "we wouldn't be friends if we met irl" is self-derisive speculation and honestly comes across as a little... defeatist, maybe? That's not the word I want, I don't mean it to sound that harsh, but I think the part we may find "unreasonable" is the way you brush most of our attempts to comfort you off as "well you wouldn't care" when at the core of it, do you really know we wouldn't? You're assuming we'll stop caring because that's the value you place on yourself, but that doesn't mean we place the same value on you. You're your own worst critic, and I promise that voice in your head is not the same voice we all hear when we think about you. I think you're an intelligent, caring, and genuinely thoughtful person, and whether you believe it or not, I really DO think we would be friends irl

I know it probably doesn't help as much as I'd want it to, but I'm not sure what else I can do. It really hurts to see you beat yourself up, especially when that turns into this projection about how you expect to be treated. I want to be your friend. Online and irl. I wish I could know you in real life, because you seem like a genuinely interesting person and someone I would like to know.

And this isn't coming from nowhere, by the way. I was intensely isolated during my early teen years due to medical issues and it absolutely stunted my social life, I was incredibly lonely and felt like every friendship I had was temporary and I still sometimes slip into those thought patterns, but I can speak from experience when I say that if you keep believing everyone will leave you, you will unconsciously end up driving people away.

Tell yourself that you're worthy of friendship, because you are. Even if you don't believe it right now, you are. It will get better - and please don't brush this off as "maybe it did for you but I'm different", because I was in the same place. I was horribly depressed, lonely, and in pain, and it led to suicidal ideation; I understand what you're feeling. It sucks, and you have to fight for it, and there are times when it's utterly exhausting, but it will get better if you try to start training out those damaging thought processes.

i don't want to. I admit it. i don't want to fight for anything. i want to quit. i don't want to keep trying to be friends with people. i don't want to exist anymore. i don't see the point. I'm defeated and i want it to be over now.

i'm not capable of thinking I'm worthy of love. I'm bad at keeping people around. i can't convince myself of anything that i can't prove. i can't be a person. i don't want to be a person anymore.

i don't want people to block me over drama i'm not involved in anymore. i don't want people to stop talking to me no matter how many times i try to pick up a conversation again anymore. I'm tired of everyone leaving me no matter how good of a friend i try to be. people don't value my friendship. they don't. i'm not cut out for this. I'm no good at making friends or keeping friends or anything social. I can't figure it out.

i have no one that makes this fight worth fighting. i hate me. i can't like me. i try and it doesn't work. i hate my body more than anything in the world and it hates me.

[bil-daddy]

hi mr bildad um im just gonna dump this here since i have no one else to talk to

as someone who has always praised in their ability to be friends with anyone (i also need human interaction to survive btw) ive been feeling very lonely, especially since now are the school holidays.

my best friend (who is one year older than me) is barely online and doesn't take me seriously enough. and when i ask my friend group (with 2 other people my age) if they want to go out nothing happens. ive asked so many times but it's like they just don't want to hang out. and i keep seeing them post everywhere of them having fun with their OTHER friends (i don't know them bc they're from their primary schools; we are in secondary school now). and the obvious solution is to hang out with my primary school friends, right? well awesome news I DONT HAVE ANY.

and like ive just been feeling really really lonely especially today. i don't even text anyone except for my best friend, and even then she doesnt really respond properly because its like i dump a lot of messages and 4 hours later she skims through them, rinse and repeat.

(also side note i used to have another best friend but he ended up having a crush on me and didn't give me space so i kinda ended the friendship bc i wasn't comfortable with it)

during my entire TWO MONTH school holiday i haven't gone out with friends. not even once. while i see everyone else my age having so much fun and enjoying life while i just rot at home scrolling through tumblr.

so yeah im not really having a great time. hopefully when i get back to school in january things will be better

sorry for the long rant

Hey, kid (human). No need to apologize for the long rant. Actually, I've got a lot to say about this topic, too, so take a toilet break, grab a beverage and a snack, then sit down with your deal old Bildaddy (platonic, metaphorical) for a chat.

First off, sorry you're going through this. It hurts a lot when friends start fading away, and you realize they no longer consider you as close and you consider them. Feeling left out and like you don't have any real friends seriously sucks.

But it's actually something every single person goes through at some time or another--though most of us aren't brave enough to admit it like you have, because it feels embarrassing and shameful. Like there's something wrong with you.

There isn't.

There is nothing wrong with you.

Friends come and go, and 99% of the time it has nothing to do with you, or anything you've said or done. It isn't your fault. That doesn't mean it hurts any less, but it isn't your fault.

But that being said, I promise you, for every person you see pictures of having so much fun and enjoying life, there are twenty--probably even more--at home like you, scrolling tumblr, or tiktok, or reddit, or whatever the kids are scrolling these days.

And even those people you see posting pictures, that isn't their everyday life. They post pics of the good times, not the bad ones (well not usually) or the boring ones. Especially not the boring ones. I bet they do more sitting at home and scrolling than you think. They're just not advertising that for all their followers to see.

But that's not the point. The point is (dolphins! goats!) your current friends aren't fulfilling your need for socialization. And that means you need to find some new friends, anon.

You can still stay friends with your best friend and that old friend group. As in, don't send them a message officially ending the friendship, and don't delete and/or block them everywhere. You can still talk to them in school when you see them.

(Do unfollow them on social media if seeing them hang without you is upsetting--or better yet, pause on using social media entirely--except for tumblr, of course--until you're in a better place, mentally and emotionally. Bildaddy deleted instagram five years ago and never went back.)

But starting today, back off on asking these friends to hang out, and sending long text messages to your best friend that she only skims through. They're not matching your energy, so you need to start matching theirs. Either they'll notice the difference and start making more of an effort (no, not that kind), or they won't and they won't. But either way, you'll stop wasting your time.

Next, you take all the energy you were spending on your old friend group and start looking for new friends.

While you're still on winter break, there might not be as many opportunities, but there are some possibilities. Do you have any cousins around your age who might wanna hang out? Or maybe there are local events aimed at teenagers you can attend? Check libraries and community centers. Or on New Year's Eve, there might be some sort of Parents Night Out event you can volunteer for and help babysit a group of little kids, along with other teenagers that you could befriend?

Then, when winter break ends, look around your school for other students who might be in your same situation--and trust me there are others in your same situation. Is there someone who always sits alone at lunch? Or what about that kid in class who's too shy to speak up? Is there someone getting bullied or ostracized? Someone new to the school who hasn't made any friends yet? Look for the ones who might need a friend as much--or even more--than you do and try to befriend them.

It won't always work, no, cause nothing always works. But it will work sometimes. And you only need it to work enough times to make a couple friends. And if you make the right friend, they might have a friend group that you can join.

I know it's really scary to put yourself out there and make the first move. But you'd be surprised how receptive people are, especially the shy ones who are too scared to say 'hi' first, and rely on the braver ones, like you, for the human connection they need. Because we all need it. (Even me. Because I'm totally 100% human.)

Other ways to make friends are clubs, in school and out of school, which is probably what adults will suggest if you ask them, so I'm not going to spend much time on this. But they're right. If you're not already in clubs--academic, sports, art, books, music, anime, whatever your interest(s) is--join some! If there's nothing of interesting at your schools, churches and other local organizations might also have youth clubs and activities, too.

Shared interests in a sure way to make friends. I see it happening all the time on Tumblr. Those mutuals you wish didn't live so far away? Well, you can find mutuals just like them IRL! (Especially if you start or join a book club that reads Good Omens, or a tv show club that watches Good Omens)

Another option is getting a part-time job at a place other teenagers work. If this is something you can do without disrupting your schoolwork, try it. Fast food restaurants, cinemas, places like that.

You say you're someone who has the ability to be friends with anyone? Well, prove it! This isn't a threat, by the way. This is encouragement. I'm encouraging you.

Now go out there and make some friends, kid! I know you can do it! I believe in you, and everybody here is rooting for you.

And, as always, have an ox rib (platonic)

[nj-6-girl]

Outfits

The episode begins with the familiar buzz of anticipation in the air as the lights dim and the upbeat music of Nothing Prepared plays in the background. The show, known for its unscripted and hilarious conversations, had invited countless idols, but tonight’s guest was someone special—Micha, the ethereal beauty from NewJeans, who had recently made headlines for her relationship with a certain global superstar. The audience was excited, not only for the juicy stories that might be revealed but also for the undeniable chemistry between Micha and the host, Lee Youngji.

The camera pans to Youngji, who’s already seated with a mischievous grin on her face. She’s dressed casually, but her eyes are sparkling with excitement as she prepares to introduce her guest.

Youngji: “Hello, everyone! Tonight’s episode is going to be legendary because we have someone very special joining us. She’s not just a top idol, but she’s also my friend. Please give a warm welcome to the stunning Micha from NewJeans!”

The crowd goes wild as Micha steps onto the set, her outfit a perfect mix of high fashion and laid-back comfort. Her long hair falls effortlessly over her shoulders, framing her face, which lights up with a smile as she sees Youngji.

Micha: “Youngji! It’s been so long!”

Youngji: (Getting up to hug Micha) “Micha! You look gorgeous as always. How do you do it?”

Micha: (Laughing) “It’s all makeup and good lighting. But you look amazing too!”

Youngji: “Oh, stop! I’m blushing! But seriously, it’s been a while since we last hung out. I remember the first time we met—you thought I was too much, didn’t you?”

Micha: (Grinning) “I did! I remember thinking, ‘This girl has way too much energy for me.’ But then we started talking, and I realized we had so much in common. Who would’ve thought we’d end up being friends?”

Youngji: “Right? I think it was fate. We just clicked. And here we are, about to get drunk together on YouTube !”

Both of them laugh as Youngji pulls out a bottle of soju, pouring generous shots for them both.

Youngji: “Alright, let’s start with a drink. To friendship and to tonight’s chaos!”

Micha: “Cheers to that!”

They clink glasses and down the soju in one go, the familiar burn quickly replaced by a sense of warmth and excitement.

Youngji: “Okay, Micha, you know how this goes. We’re going to play some drinking games, share some stories, and I’m going to try my best to embarrass you. Are you ready?”

Micha: (Grinning) “Bring it on!”

Youngji: “First game—‘Truth or Drink.’ I’m going to ask you some juicy questions, and if you don’t want to answer, you have to take a shot. Sound good?”

Micha: “Sounds dangerous, but I’m in.”

Youngji: “Perfect! Let’s start off easy. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you during a performance?”

Micha: (Laughing) “Oh, there’s so many! But I think the worst was when my mic pack fell off during a live broadcast. It just dropped, and I had to pretend nothing happened while trying to fix it without anyone noticing. Spoiler: everyone noticed.”

Youngji: (Laughing hysterically) “I remember that! I saw the clips online, and you handled it like a pro, though. But I can’t imagine how stressful that must’ve been.”

Micha: “It was terrifying at the time, but now I can laugh about it. It’s just one of those things that happen.”

Youngji: “Alright, let’s get to the good stuff. I have to ask—how did you and your boyfriend meet?”

Micha blushes slightly, already knowing where this was going. She’s used to the teasing by now, especially from Youngji.

Micha: “Oh, we met in an event. It was really casual at first, just hanging out. But then we started talking more, and… well, here we are.”

Youngji: “You’re being so vague! I’m dying here! But alright, I’ll let you off the hook—this time. Let’s move on to something else. I want to know a surprising fact about you that your fans don’t know.”

Micha: “Hmm… Let me think. Oh! Here’s one—I’m actually a huge people pleaser. I know it might not seem like it, especially with how I come across on stage, but I always worry about making everyone around me happy. It’s something I’ve been working on for a while now.”

Youngji: “Wow, I wouldn’t have guessed that. You always seem so confident and self-assured. How has that affected you as an idol?”

Micha: “It’s been tough, honestly. When I first started, I would say yes to everything because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I wanted to be perfect, but I realized that it’s impossible to make everyone happy all the time. I’ve learned to set boundaries, but it’s still something I struggle with. Being an idol means you’re constantly in the spotlight, and there’s this pressure to always be perfect. It took me a while to accept that it’s okay to have flaws.”

Youngji: “That’s really deep, Micha. I think a lot of people can relate to that, even if they’re not in the public eye. It’s refreshing to hear you talk about this.”

Micha: “Thanks, Youngji. It’s something I’ve been wanting to share for a while. I think it’s important for people to know that idols are just like everyone else—we have our insecurities and struggles too.”

Youngji: “Absolutely. And that’s why people love you so much, Micha. You’re real, and you’re not afraid to show it.”

They take another shot, the atmosphere lightening up again as the soju starts to take effect.

Youngji: “Okay, let’s lighten the mood with another game. ‘Never Have I Ever.’ You know how it goes, right?”

Micha: “Of course! Let’s do it.”

Youngji: “Alright, I’ll start. Never have I ever… fallen asleep during a photoshoot.”

Micha takes a drink, laughing as she remembers the incident.

Micha: “Guilty! It was a long shoot, and I was so tired that I dozed off in between takes. The photographer had to wake me up!”

Youngji: (Laughing) “That’s hilarious! I’m sure you still looked flawless, though.”

Micha: “I wish! I woke up with a huge pillow mark on my face. Not my best moment.”

Youngji: “Alright, your turn!”

Micha: “Never have I ever… accidentally texted the wrong person.”

Youngji groans and takes a drink.

Youngji: “I’ve done that so many times! The worst was when I sent a message meant for my manager to my mom. It was about something work-related, and she had no idea what I was talking about.”

Micha: “That’s classic! I’ve definitely done that too. It’s always so awkward.”

As the games continue, Micha and Youngji get progressively more tipsy, their laughter filling the studio. Micha starts to loosen up even more, her natural charm and wit shining through. Youngji, ever the playful host, decides to take the conversation in a new direction.

Youngji: “Micha, I have to say—you’re absolutely stunning. I remember when we first met, I was just in awe of your beauty. Has it ever gotten you into trouble?”

Micha: (Blushing) “You’re too sweet! But yes, actually. There was this one time when I was shopping, and this guy just wouldn’t leave me alone. He kept following me around the store, and it was getting really creepy. I had to call my manager to come get me!”

Youngji: “Oh my gosh, that’s terrifying! But I’m not surprised. You’re like a real-life princess, and people just can’t handle it.”

Micha: “It was definitely scary at the time, but now it’s just a funny story to tell. But I really appreciate the compliment, Youngji.”

Youngji: “Anytime, girl! You deserve all the praise. But let’s get back to the fun stuff. I want to know—what’s the most ridiculous rumor you’ve heard about yourself?”

Micha: (Laughing) “Oh, there are so many! But I think the funniest one was that I’m secretly married. Like, who even comes up with these things?”

Youngji: (Laughing) “That’s insane! But also kind of amazing. You’re out here living a double life, apparently.”

Micha: “Apparently! But seriously, I’m very much single—well, you know what I mean.”

Youngji: (Winking) “I know exactly what you mean. And I’m sure your ‘not-so-secret’ boyfriend is watching this and laughing right now.”

Micha just laughs, her face flushing slightly at the mention of her relationship.

As the night goes on, the two friends continue to drink and share stories, their voices getting louder and their laughter more uninhibited with each passing moment. Micha, now visibly tipsy, leans back in her chair, a wide smile plastered on her face as she looks at Youngji.

Youngji: "You know, Micha, I think this is the most relaxed I've ever seen you. It's nice seeing you like this—just you being yourself."

Micha: (Giggling) "It's the soju talking, I swear. But I’m having so much fun. I feel like I can really let loose with you."

Youngji: "That's what this show is all about—no scripts, no filters. Just good friends and good times. Speaking of which, I have one last question for you before we dive into another game."

Micha: "Hit me with it."

Youngji: "You've been in the industry for a while now, and you’ve achieved so much at such a young age. But I want to know—what’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned since you debuted?"

Micha’s expression softens as she considers the question, her tone growing more serious.

Micha: "I think the biggest lesson I've learned is that it’s okay to put myself first sometimes. When I first debuted, I was so focused on making everyone happy—my fans, my company, my members. But in doing that, I kind of lost sight of what I wanted, you know? I realized that I can't pour from an empty cup, and taking care of myself is just as important as taking care of others. It's been a tough lesson, but an important one."

Youngji: (Nodding) "That’s so true. I think a lot of people in the industry struggle with that. But it’s really admirable that you’ve come to that realization. It shows how much you’ve grown."

Micha: "Thanks, Youngji. It’s still a work in progress, but I’m getting there."

Youngji: "We’re all works in progress. But enough of the deep stuff—I think it’s time for another game. What do you say?"

Micha: (Laughing) "I’m always up for a game!"

Youngji: "Perfect! Let’s play 'Random Questions.' I have this jar full of random questions, and we’ll take turns pulling one out and answering it. If you don’t want to answer, you take a shot."

Micha: "Sounds fair!"

Youngji pulls out a small jar filled with folded pieces of paper and gives it a shake before handing it to Micha.

Micha: "Okay, here goes nothing."

She pulls out a question, unfolds it, and reads aloud.

Micha: "What’s the weirdest habit you have?" (Laughing) "Oh, this is a good one. I have this weird thing where I can’t sleep with my feet uncovered. Even if it’s super hot, I need to have a blanket over my feet, or I just can’t fall asleep."

Youngji: (Laughing) "That’s adorable! And a little strange, but in a cute way. Alright, my turn."

Youngji pulls out a question and reads it with a mischievous grin.

Youngji: "If you could switch lives with any of your members for a day, who would it be and why?"

Micha: (Laughing) "Oh, this is tough! But I think I’d switch with Haerin. She’s so calm and collected all the time, and I’d love to know what it’s like to be that zen, even in stressful situations. Plus, she’s just so cool."

Youngji: "Good choice! Haerin does have that ‘cool girl’ vibe, doesn’t she? Alright, last one for you."

Micha pulls out another question, this time pausing to take a sip of her drink before reading it.

Micha: "What’s one thing you wish people knew about you that they don’t?"

She takes a moment to think before answering, her voice a little softer.

Micha: "I wish people knew that I’m not as confident as I seem. I think a lot of people see me on stage or in photos and think I have it all together, but the truth is, I get nervous and insecure just like anyone else. I’m still figuring things out, and that’s okay. I just hope people can relate to that and know they’re not alone if they feel the same way."

Youngji: "That’s so real, Micha. I think that’s something a lot of people need to hear, especially from someone like you who’s seen as this confident, untouchable idol. It’s okay to not have it all figured out."

Micha nods, her eyes a little glassy as she smiles at Youngji.

Micha: "Thanks, Youngji. I feel like I can really be myself around you, and that’s something I don’t take for granted."

Youngji: "That means a lot to me, Micha. And you know what? I feel the same way about you."

They clink their glasses together, both of them downing the last of their drinks.

Youngji: "Alright, I think we’re officially tipsy enough to move on to the final part of the show."

Micha: (Giggling) "What’s the final part?"

Youngji: "The part where we just hang out and talk about whatever comes to mind. No games, no questions—just us being us."

Micha: "I like the sound of that."

The two of them settle into a more comfortable position on the couch, their conversation flowing naturally as they talk about everything from their favorite movies to their dreams for the future. Micha, now fully in the zone, becomes more animated, her usual shyness melting away as she becomes more affectionate and clingy—occasionally leaning on Youngji’s shoulder or wrapping her arm around her.

Youngji: (Laughing) "You’re such a cute drunk, Micha. I love it!"

Micha: (Pouting playfully) "I’m not drunk! I’m just… very happy right now."

Youngji: "Happy and very cuddly, it seems."

Micha: (Giggling) "I can’t help it! You’re just so comfy."

Youngji: "Well, I’m glad you’re comfortable. This has been one of my favorite episodes so far."

Micha: "Mine too. I feel like I can just be myself with you, and that’s really special."

Youngji: "That’s what friends are for. And I’m really glad we got to do this. But I think it’s time to wrap up before we get too deep into our feels."

Micha: (Laughing) "Probably a good idea."

Youngji: "Micha, thank you so much for coming on Nothing Prepared. This has been such a fun night, and I’m so happy we got to do this together."

Micha: "Thank you for having me, Youngji. This has been amazing, and I’m so glad we got to catch up like this."

Youngji: "Anytime, girl. You’re welcome here whenever you want—just say the word."

They share one last hug as the camera zooms out, capturing the genuine warmth and affection between the two friends. The episode ends with both of them laughing and holding onto each other, the screen fading to black with the sound of their giggles lingering in the air.

As the credits roll, fans everywhere are left buzzing with excitement and love for Micha, who had shown a side of herself that was rarely seen—a side that was open, vulnerable, and refreshingly real. And though the night had ended, the memories made would surely last a lifetime.

This episode of Nothing Prepared quickly became one of the most talked-about, not just for the hilarious and unfiltered moments, but for the deep and heartfelt conversations that revealed a new layer of Micha—a side that fans adored and cherished even more.

[outrunningthedark]

Unpopular opinion… this is when I miss Kristen. She never, ever entertained any foolishness. She was completely disconnected from social media and always repeated that in interviews. I don’t miss her storytelling because season 5/6 was not great but I miss her mindset as a showrunner. The never fucked around in fandom. And Tim fucked around in it way too many times and got burnt.

I wholeheartedly agree with you on this. BuckTaylor bored me and I absolutely hated BuckLucy as a romantic canon ship because I could not fathom BUCK being A CHEATER 🙃 (Now we know it could happen with anybody if the show runners feel 'inspired'!) and the pacing (especially during emergencies) needed work, buuuuut... ...Kristen didn't let outsider opinions - particularly those coming from behind a screen - dictate her choices, and the fandom would have been a much more enjoyable quieter place if more people LISTENED to her. [Yes, BuckLucy was dead just as they got started, but that was obviously bigger than whatever negativity was spreading online because Lucy would have never come back again if social media commentary was calling the shots.] -> She never backed down from her stance on seeing Buck and Eddie as friends unless the story changed in the future (which would have been someone else's decision for her to go along with). -> She answered very few questions about Buddie in general. But when she did? It was always about the friendship. -> She prepared the fandom for Eddie playing a minor role in Buck's coma dream. (They said she was lying, of course.) -> When she talked about Eddie starting to date again, there was never a moment where the conversation shifted to speculation on whether that next partner could be Buck, unlike Tim, who was answering Buddie spec right after Buck came out in canon.

Kristen told us exactly what to expect every time she spoke, and somehow this fandom was still [surprised pikachu] every single week when Buddie was no closer to going canon.

[silly-sirenz]

Hi! I’d love to get a matchup for Hazbin Hotel! 💓💖💕

my pronouns are she/her and I’m asexual biromantic (so any gender is fine). I’m an ESFJ and a Gemini. I have green eyes and dyed cherry red hair. I dress with vintage/fairy grunge clothes. Long skirts and corsets are my fav type of outfit. I wear lots of rings and crystal/pearl necklaces and love to exchange them with others.

I’m the mom friend of the group, always there for everyone and my friends say that I’m really good at comforting people. I’m also calm and responsible, I usually am the one that takes care of other people. I’m very optimistic, I always try to see the good in everything and I often put other’s needs before my own. I love making others laugh to lighten the situation. I’m not afraid to stand up for myself or for someone else but sometimes it’s hard for me to say no to things. I also dislike when someone is too serious and really can’t take a joke as I tend to use humor as my coping mechanism. I’m also very ambitious, I always try to achieve my goals.

My love languages are, receiving, physical touch and words of affirmation and giving, quality time and words of affirmation.

I absolutely love listening to music, it helps me relax and I really like reading. I especially love fantasy and I recently got into greek mythology. I also love watching horror movies even though it’s impossible to scare me. I also play Dungeons and Dragons with my friends anytime I can. also, I absolutely love musicals and I’m definitely a theatre kid.

Have a great day <3

I'd be happy to match you up 🖤

Your matchup is....

💟VELVETTE💟

● Velvette comes across one of your posts on PentaGram. It's an ootd with a few new items you've bought. It's not something she'd personally wear, but she thinks it looks really good on you.

● She decides to follow your account. Maybe you could inspire some new looks for her next fashion show.

●When you see the notification on your phone you almost faint.

●Not you being mutuals with an Overlord-

●I mean, you're flattered but how do you make the first move now? Suddenly you get an idea...

●In your next post, you wear some jewellery from her brand. It gets her attention and she comments,

nice necklace you've got there 🤫💟

●From there, you begin an online friendship and DM most days. Conversation at first is mainly centred about clothes. However, pretty soon, you begin talking about your personal lives.

●She uses lots of emojis. Her signature one is "💟".

●Also, pet names. Her go-to is "hun".

●You are both the "mom friends" of your respective friends groups, so Velvette feels pretty relaxed when ranting about the other Vees to you. And there's something about the way she talks, the cadence maybe, or perhaps the bluntness that makes her stories funny to you.

ugh he calls himself an overlord. "trust us with your entertainment". yeah right... i wouldn't trust him to cause a piss up in a brewery!

love him to bits tho ofc 💟

●Because you have a similar sense of humour, you find it easy to be yourself around Velvette. Aren't people meant to feel scared around overlords?

●You weren't expecting her to be so friendly, never mind asking to meet up in person!

●The first time you meet, she invites you to a concert for one of your favourite artists at the Vee tower and you are a little terrified.

●However, once you arrive, she comes over and gives you the biggest hug and all those nerves disappear.

●You hang out pretty regularly. Usually in the Vee tower due to her high profile. You often talk about your interests whilst watching movies.

●She doesn't quite get the appeal of Dungeons and Dragons, however she takes an odd amount of interest in your rants about mythology. You're not sure why, it didn't seem like her thing...

●The date of her next fashion show rolls along. She has kept the details very secret, however she has given you a front row seat.

●The designs are stunning, with some familiar features. Draped fabric, pearls, metallic plates, gold accents, winged shoes... it's all inspired by the mythology you told her about!

● At the end, she invites you onstage and thanks you for inspiring her day after day. Afterwards, she kisses you on the cheek.

"Honestly hun, you are amazing. Can you blame me for showing you off? Now... how about you explain this Dragon whats-it game again? I want to understand it more this time."

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/724520280283856896/im-gonna-be-honest-i-think-people-need-to-chill?source=share

To all those comments

Yes i do forget my cis friends pronouns. Especially when they are suddenky trying something new.

But the thing is i dont have visual indicators for alot of them, and it wouldnt matter if i did because someones looks dont determine their pronouns. All my friends are online or penpals. Sometimes i get voice but that doesnt mean shit when i cant remember who is talking half the time. Or that i remeber the persons whos talkings pronouns

Alot of my online friends have their like... Birth pronounss aswell as something else. Some of them prefer the other thing. Mate im in a discord server i cannot remember every single persons pronouns in there.

Some of my friends put their pronouns in their username. And that helps, sometimes ill remember it longer because of the repitition of seeing it. But even then i am still able to forget it. Its harder when im focusing on a game and not able to focus on remembering someones pronouns.

For my pen pals we spend so much time emailing or mailing eachother that we dont even talk about pronouns. Our own pronouns rarely ever even come up ive even had ny first one admit they forgot mine and was too afraid to ask at that point and avoided it at all costs because theyvdidntvwant to risk lossing me as a friend. It wasnt a big deal.

And you know what? They dont have so much of a problem with it as yall do. I forget things. All the time i forget things. Most of my friends also have disorders or disabilities of somekind so they understand. I just forget things.

Sometimes i have to look back at discord to see the name of whoever is talking to me. Like i said i forget peoples names.

Im sorry yall cant understand that i really do forget things.

And even then. Even if my memory werent so trash. People forget things all the time. Even people with a good memory. Sometimes you get so absorbed in something your talking too fast and focusing on something that you use the wrong pronouns for someone or who your talking to. This happens to one of my friends occasionally.

Its not a big deal. My pronouns get forgottem all the time too. Honestly i dont care personally about it becaise i prefer to be called by my name instead. Newer people get my pronouns wrong all the time. Its nit a big deal. Hell i dont even know if my sister even knows what my pronouns are.

I get that it can be frustrating. I do try. But i cannot help it if i cant remeber something.

"just ask" i do. But sometimes i dont think before i talk or think ive remebered them correctly and i get them wrong.

As someone with the worst memory on earth, you can tell whos doing it on purpose and who has actually just forgotten.

Also thanks for jumping to conclusions and getting mad because you cant comprehend the life of someone other than yourself. I have bigger problems than remembering my friends pronouns specifically. Its not like i dont try to remember them, but like with everything else i just forget them. I forget things about my long term friends because our lives and friendship dont revolve around remembering eachothers pronouns and then berating eachother for forgetting. Most of what we do is talk about games or books we read. What shops weve been going to or bad snacks we try. In between all the actaul stuff we do its normal to forget things that arent talked about.

And i prefer it like that rather than some big art discord i tried joining a while back and there was almost twice weekly drama over someone forgetting someones pronouns. That level of stress and worry over pronouns is not normal for anyone. And. Yeah some of those times it was people dping it on purpose bit most of them from what i saw was usually teenagers antagonizing others for not focusing their entire life on what pronouns they were using. Even when someone apologized it wasnt enough. It was disgusting to see and stressful.

Idk what to tell any of you.

--

Frankly, I think a lot of the disagreements are actually over what 'friends' implies.

[palomahasenteredthechat]

https://www.tumblr.com/palomahasenteredthechat/760986163163037696/httpswwwtumblrcompalomahasenteredthechat7609?source=share

Sorry Paloma for making you read this but fandom is so genuinely exhausting to me lately and I feel you will understand.

Why does it bother some fans that other fans don't believe the relationship is real? Why does it bother some fans that other fans like one ship and not the other? Why does it bother some fans that other fans like an unproblematic show/movie/book/game/episode they don't? Why does it bother some fans that other fans have different opinions to them in general? The answer to all of these is that for the most part people are selfish and self-righteous. They believe that the thing they like or believe is right and therefore better than anyone else's opinion and they have to talk about it because that is fandom culture these days. Everyone online assumes the worst from other people at any given time. To not speak on something positive or good means you don't like it, agree or engage with it. But to not speak on something negative or bad, means you condone it and are part of the problem. Fandom has become a tit for tat battle where random fans on tumblr and X feel the need to release their own 'statements' about every little thing for fear of being lumped in with the wrong crowd. Then inevitably the people on the other side of the fence see the statement and can't help themselves but argue because they need to be correct. It's entirely fucked up and causes so much unnecessary discourse. People need to learn that like 90% of the time you are not going to change someone's mind by arguing in the comments of their post. Not everything is or needs to be a debate. When it comes to fandom especially, it really is not that deep. Being on the internet is so Goddamn tiring but I have nowhere else to go.

Social media has trained us to see relationships through an us/them lens. Look at politics. Most people identify more with who they are 'against' than what they stand for.

I'm old enough, kids, to remember that you used to have to deal with friends who thought differently, voted differently, had different beliefs than you. Sometimes you just had to put up with it or ignore it if you wanted to keep the friendship. Sometimes the friendship drifted apart because of it. But either way, it wasn't the only thing that defined the individual because you were with them in person and saw them as a human being. It's super hard to do that online. We need to remember that we all have more in common than we don't.

Now of course there is a big difference between what celebrities do with a platform vs someone who is a fan of a celebrity. But how we group and label fans and act accordingly is absolutely happening.

[siesporamor]

What are your opinions on all of the main couples in SL?

LMAO, it took me so long to answer this ask, but I just have so mant thoughts. I'm not sure if the question is about endgame couples, so I'll just talk about whatever I want.

Putting this under a cut because I'm not a monster.

Lutteo is... fine. I don't hate them, but I also don't like them. Leaving aside my own headcanons for the characters, they just don't work for most of the show. Matteo in seasons 1 and 2 is a complete asshole who doesn't deserve Luna. Just to list some of the shit he does: flirts with her while he's still with Ámbar, kisses her without her consent, sometimes borderline harasses her, is a dick to her best friend, prioritizes his career over their relationship even when he ends up hurting her, never listens to her perspective and assumes all of her criticism is in bad faith. I especially can't get behind the s2 storyline, where Luna is incredibly upset by Matteo's behavior—saying he doesn't have a girlfriend during an interview and staging PR relationships, or insulting Simón live—, but he brushes it all off with the excuse that it's essential to his career and tells her she's envious of his success. And he's somehow surprised that Luna would defend her childhood best friend when her boyfriend publicly humiliates him online?

That being said, when Matteo finally becomes a decent person in s3, I think they mostly work as a couple (still don't ship them). At that point, though, does it really matter? I'm not going to forget the first two seasons. If Luna absolutely needed to end up with somebody, because amatonormativity, she deserved someone better.

Lumón is objectively the best Luna ship. They're childhood best friends and know and take care of each other like nobody else. Still, when I see such an adorable m/f friendship, I grab onto it and would rather it stayed platonic, because there's enough romance in medias.

Simbar gives me life. I'm honestly obsessed and, as I've already said, they're one of my OTPs and the reason why I started watching Soy Luna. Ámbar and Simón are characters I already love on their own and they complement each other so well. They have a great premise (dating-someone-for-a-revenge-plan trope, my beloved <3), a believable enemies to friends to lovers arc (also a favorite trope of mine), fluffy banter, delicious angst and tension, domestic scenes to balance it out, great chemistry, and the actors work their asses off in emotional scenes. They communicate, support and respect each other like a healthy couple would do. Simón is the first person to see the good in Ámbar and push her to be the better version of herself. Ámbar also challenges Simón and his perspective. While a bit dramatized for narrative purpose (don't date people to fix them), that's what a relationship should do (says the aro who's never even had a date in her life).

Gastina may not be endgame, but they are in my heart. They're adorable, have excellent chemistry, and them bonding over shared interests is both realistic and cute. While cliché, I like the FelicityForNow plotline and I think it gave Gastina a solid basis that makes it impossible not to root for them. Forever mad about the route s3 took, especially because it didn't have to? They had Gastón's actor available for a couple scenes, they could've filmed the finale with him or just slapped a clip of him onto a tablet screen, then keep his and Nina's relationship going through texts, it really wasn't that hard. To me Nina goes to college in Oxford and they get back together again, I will accept no other option.

Pelfi is such a sweet ship! It's a bit of a Simbar 1.0, in the sense that Pedro formed a genuine friendship with Delfi and helped her become a better version of herself. Even if Delfi back pedaling in s2 was random and made their relationship arc a bit weird, narratively speaking, I always enjoy these two. They're such cuties and them staring at each other with heart eyes in s3 >>>

Yamiro is considered a main couple, I guess? They can be cute, but I'm not particularly fond of either Yam or Ramiro and I also headcanon them both as gay, not to mention they hurt each other and argue a bit too much for my taste.

Thanks for the ask, I hope I interpreted the question correctly!

[rottedcreatures]

I fucking HATE being insecure. I hate it so much. Every time a friend doesn't talk to us for a while, we get paralyzed by the fear that we're going to lose them just like we constantly lose Everything else. I hate being an insecure and anxious person. I hate having an insecure attachment style.

I fucking hate being the holder for all of our fucked up, disgusting thoughts. I hate being the one who fronts when the brain is doing the depression thing again. I hate being what I am I hate who we are as a person I fucking hate it.

I hate being like this. I hate that we're so downright terrified of losing people that it makes us lash out at them. I hate it especially when we lose a friend we've had minor falling outs with in the past, going to their blogs to see if they're online and finding them posting shit like "I love getting annoying bitches removed from servers" when just the other day they'd defended us to someone. I hate that when we see posts like that, something inside me aches. Something inside this body starts to grow sore and heavy with the reality that we aren't a likeable person and we are probably going to lose all the friends we have eventually because we always do. It always happens.

I hate that we've stopped trying to communicate and ask if something is about us, because when we get told "no" we feel stupid for asking. I hate that Insecurity pumps through our veins almost as easily as blood does. I hate that we're naturally a sensitive person. I hate that we're always seeking affection or even just kindness from people. I hate than we're so harsh sometimes. I hate being like this. I hate being this kind of person but I cant- I can't change. No amount of therapy or healing will change the fact that we at the core of whatever kind of being we happen to be, are damaged.

It hurts.

It hurts so fucking bad.

I just want to be loved without feeling like I am begging for it.

Everything I've ever touched, ever breathed on has come out burned or broken. We break everything we touch. We are not a gentle soul.

But we could be.

These hands of mine are coating in the blood of all the lives I've killed, all the versions of myself I've slaughtered in attempts to become something better.

This body is damaged. I am tired.

I want my mom. I want to be held.

I want to be told I am loved regardless of the gruesome damage I carry like a badge of honor.

I want to be loved despite the demons that lay beneath this pale flesh of mine.

I want to be able to not speak to someone for a bit and not think "they probably hate my guts". I want to be able to say something, and not rethink it a thousand times after.

I want to be able to maintain a friendship more than just online. I want real friends. I want someone who will walk through the darkness of my mind, find me where I am most damaged, and hold that part of me up to the light and not even flinch.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I say I'm sorry at lot because at the end of the day, I really am sorry. Sorry that I made you deal with me, sorry that I was even in your life, sorry that I exist.

I know. Just because I did not mean to be cruel, does not mean I was kind.

I am like a broken gas stove. Slowly leaking into the air, building up in your nose and your chest until it takes one spark, and suddenly I am a burning fire that isn't going out. I cry gasoline and breathe the flames like they are my own children.

My palms are calloused from gripping things so tight that they crumble in my hands.

My knuckles are bruised from punching the walls my own mind built to keep me from losing myself even more.

My mind is filled with smokey memories that slide through my fingertips like sand.

And my soul is dark. And it is fractured. And it is barely holding on.

But you liked me. At least for a little while. For a fleeting moment you and I connected. We bonded. Our souls saw one another and found something worth keeping around.

And I will cherish that. Even if it's dwindling, even though the flame is getting smaller and heat is decreasing, I will cherish that.