#especially when you have to hear it in slurs at the mental illness group you were put in that is anxiety & depression centric

[rachymarie]

Tryna get advice for anything to do with your own schizospec disorder on Google be like:

"tHe 4 SuBtYpEs:" "PaRaNoiD sChiZoPhReNiA" "Healthline" "WebMd" "My schizophrenic mother was an abusive a-hole so now i will NEVER trust another schizospec again"

We get that you are hurting but we are not your mum and we are hurting too!

[cesium-sheep]

I saw a [long post] with a lot of different people’s thoughts on use of the word crippled, especially in the context of the able-bodied nd/mentally disordered. I’m having a lot of trouble parsing it so I don’t want to reblog and add my thoughts directly, but I do have thoughts. (btw the post and the other post the ask was ostensibly in response to both have a lot of interesting discussion about ableism towards both physical and mental disability (and a lot of overlapping issues), I just. can’t read very well right now.)

before I got really sick, I started shying away from using the word crippled, because I’d heard other people say it was ableist, just like I started shying away from using the word crazy to describe things like buckwild video game plots, or how we’re not supposed to use “stupid” because it’s just one step down from the r slur dontchaknow, or “dumb” is a slur against the nonverbal (frequently posited by the fully verbal).

but as a cripple myself now (depending on how precise we’re getting with the term; I do not have severe motor dysfunction, paralysis, or loss of limb, but I rely on mobility aids to leave my home for more than a couple minutes and I am severely disabled), I think maybe broad discouragement of use is a bad thing? individuals who are not comfortable with it should be respected, just as individuals who prefer person-first language for themselves should be respected, but as a Broad Community Thing yknow? like, a lot of the instances in which it’s used are just... correct usage. to the best of my knowledge current use of the word “cripple” is basically synonymous with “disable”. crippling illness is generally considered acceptable even by those against other uses. how is that a different use from crippling depression, crippling debt, crippling cold?

it wouldn’t be more or less correct to refer to these things as debilitating instead. but “hey swap in debilitating” never seems to be the talking point. I’ve only ever really seen “don’t use The Bad Word”. which kinda increases stigmatization and stuff.

and like, by the same turn, I’d been nd and mentally ill (different things to me, and it’s very valuable to be able to speak of the cluster of autism adhd and other closely related disorders as a group with a single group term, which again no one is trying to replace as they try to turn nd into a whole-community term they’re only saying “no not for you”) for a very very long time, but one of the first things that happened as a result of me getting very very ill was being hospitalized in a psychiatric unit for several days. (which btw was abysmal and made things much worse mentally so like be careful tossing that kind of recommendation around.) and idk people saying “that’s crazy” doesn’t feel like an attack after that. especially when I’m most often hearing it from other mentally ill people that actually talk about accessibility and call out ableist things in the games they’re playing or their public conversations with friends.

idk it just kinda feels like. people are picking fights over language and in more than ten years it has not helped at all. so while there is absolutely some derogatory language that the outgroup should not say (the n word, the f slur, the r slur, etc), this kinda feels like it falls under the “queer” category for me. a word that absolutely has been used as a weapon (and which targets’ preference to “opt out” should be respected) but also is not inherently a threat.

(plus a lot of it feels like it totally fails to take into account that english is a living language, and use dictates meaning, and these words flat out are not the same as they were 50 or 100 or 1000 years ago, even though understanding how they came to be is valuable and often illustrative.)

[butch-bakugo]

Honestly though, hearing white people telling poc, especially natives who were directly affected by the racism, mysogny and ableist rhetoric put out by technoblade, dream and all the other shit stains in their group, that they shouldn't be happy that a racist, mysognistic ableist is dead is a very white person move. We always have to "take the high road" aka spare their feelings.

Yall celebrate when a racist celebrity dies. Yall celebrate when an incel youtuber loses veiws. Yall celebrate when an ableist politician dies but the second your racist celebrity youtuber blorbo is dead, its sudden macabre and uncouth to celebrate their death?

Nah, yall are hypocrites and i dont soully exist to be this shining untouchable beacon of the " perfect leftist who is completely respectable" im a person and im allowed to be happy and celebrate when someone who directly contributes to my oppressions is no longer able to. Im allowed to happy that a big group of racist ableist incels takes a drastic hit. He ran with some of the worst fuckers, contributed to their bigtory and didnt do a god damn thing about stopping them.

If technoblade had been fine and pewdiepie died of cancer, you would all be celebrating it cause a racist pos is dead but because you think alittle theory that one of them might like dudes and one of them is armchair diagnosed with adhd that it's "too close to home" and " theres no proof of their probelmatic nature" despite the years of fuckin video evidence. No dreamsmp stans even deny their actions anymore. Theyve gone from " gimme a source!1!" To " well its my comfort media uwu". Bullshit.

These are the same people who made roofie jokes. The same people who constantly call other people retarded aka a slur. The same people who used to call themselves fundamentalists. The same people who made a mock native war cry. The same people who made an entire music video on underpaid fan (child) labor to encourage a young audience to throw away their medications aka something REALLY FUCKING DANGEROUS.

These are shit stain humans and i stand by what i said 100%. I am geniuinely a happier native, woman and mentally ill person knowing that technoblade, a cishet white neurotypical neckbeard, is now dead and cant contribute anymore to my oppression and to white supremacist, mysognistic ableist and rape rhetoric. And you should be to.

Fuck technoblade.

[chaotically-cas]

29 Things I Think Allistic People Need To Hear

From an autistic person

Not my usual content but I felt it needed to be said.

Saying “everyone is a little autistic” is really hurtful. Yes, everyone has their struggles but these struggles are far different for autistic people. Saying everyone experiences it is invalidating & harmful.

Being graded on eye contact & standing still is wrong. I’m pretty sure at one point or another we’ve had a project we were graded on & one of the grades was eye contact & not fidgeting. These things are extremely hard for autistic people & they are practically second nature. It’s like holding in a sneeze.

Stim & figget toys in schools. Of course fidget spinner’s & stim cubes can be bought & should be bought by anyone. If you want one, get one. But the way schools are banning them is crazy. They are very necessary for autistic people & it’s so much harder for them when schools ban their use.

QUITTTTT BABYING US!! We aren’t ‘uwu babies’. We are humans. We are perfectly capable of functioning without allistic people’s pity & looking down on us. We are our own people that don’t need a hand to hold in every damn situation. We aren’t cute because of it. 

Listen to autistic people. Everyone is all for advocating for people until that group of people want to advocate for themselves. So shut up & listen once & maybe you can learn something you didn’t know.

Creative writing in class is difficult. You don’t know how many bad grades I’ve gotten on because I can’t think of a good story out of my ass. It’s extremely hard for autistic people. Please give us a prompt it’s more helpful than you know.

Role playing in class. I think we’ve all had to do something where we research a famous person & have to assume their identity. This is again, so hard for autistic people. It’s hard enough for us to be ourselves. Most of us can’t understand these actives enough.

Slurs. Quit saying retard. It’s not an insult. It’s not funny. It’s offensive & every time you use it you’re hurting a disabled person & spreading harmful stereotypes. It’s not just a word. It’s not just a bad word. It’s a slur. Same as the f word or any other slur. Don’t use it.

People talking over us. No I dont mean just in conversations. Although that is another issue. I mean organizations like autism speaks that put words into autistic peoples mouths instead of letting them speak for themselves.

Stop making fun of our special interests. Whether you find anime cringey or think an adult loving Aladdin is childish just stop it. These things being extreme joy to us. They make us happy in a word that we don’t understand. So just leave us alone & let us be happy.

Don’t stare at us if we’re stimming. Especially in public. If you see me flapping my hands. Don’t stare. If you hear me humming quietly, don’t judge. These activities aren’t for your viewing pleasure. They’re for autistic people to regulate & express how they’re feeling.

Normalizing ableism. It’s so normalized. Whether it’s phrased like “suffers from autism” or how regularly ‘retard’ is used in classe; ableism is so often over looked especially by adults. There are no many micro aggressions they are just passed off as us not having a thick enough skin. When in reality it’s really damaging.

People first language. If you ever correct someone by saying “no, they’re a PERSON with autism. Not an autistic person”. Literally shut up. We’re autistic. We’re people. Being autistic doesn’t make us any less human so you don’t need to make it seem like it does. We’re still human no matter our disably. People don’t have to be reminded of this.

Using words like psychopath & sociopath. Calling autistic people these things just because you don’t understand us is disgusting. If you don’t understand these terms don’t use them. Just because we aren’t good at showing empathy in some cases doesn’t make us ‘psychopaths’.

Tone indicators. This is both the over use & not using them that’s an issue. Saying things like “/j /hj /sarcasm /srs /lh” all in one post defeats the whole damn purpose of them. & not using any at all especially when joking around or using sarcasm can lead to a lot of misunderstanding. It’s not that hard to use one or two at the end of a post. /srs

Picky eating. Literally stop making fun of autistic people for not liking a lot of foods or ordering the same thing at every restaurant. A lot of textures & flavors are very bothersome to autistic people. They can cause overstimulation or even panic. Just let us be. So I eat mac & cheese 4 times a week. I didn’t know it effected you so much.

“Ugh you’re so annoying you can’t ever get a joke”. No hearing that is what’s annoying. Tones are hard for us to understand so while most people pick up on it autistic people are more likely to read too much into it or take it seriously. It’s simple to use tone indicators in text or even to say “I’m joking”. It won’t make your joke less funny. It’ll just help us understand more.

Be specific if you want things from us. Don’t just say “hey I need a pencil”. Or “the dishwasher needs put away”. Most likely we’ll just be like, yeah, ok, and? Be specific please. Say things like “can I borrow a pencil?” or “can you undo the dishwasher?”.

Faces seeming to look weird. A lot of us having facial stims that can alter our faces. Whether it’s excessive blinking, eyebrow raising, or face scrunches. Don’t ask us what’s wrong with our face or what we are doing. For me, because of my facial stims & tics my eyes/eyebrows are permanently uneven. Don’t bring it up.

Classroom behavior charts are horrible. Autistic people don’t behave the same as allistic people. Simple as that. What they see as ok behavior, others don’t. & some times they don’t realize these behaviors will get them in trouble.

Police brutality. Especially in black or brown autistic people. It’s so common that people call the police on autistic people stimming in public because they are seen as dangerous. & when these autistic people can’t understand what’s going on or can’t make eye contact they are labeled as more suspicious. Especially black autistic people. Just look at Elijah McLean.

Feeling dumb. Especially in schools or other scholarly conversations. Some autistic people aren’t able to keep up or fully understand everything that’s being said or presented. Which leads to us feeling dumb. Give us time to process or aso questions please.

Feeling robotic. You’ve most likely heard autistic people being compared to robots at one point or another. Whether that’s for the impaired ability to establish empathy or something else it’s an extremely negative & hurtful stereotype. Especially in media.

Saying ‘I forgot’ is a valid excuse. There is so much going on in our heads. So much to process & remember. We forget things. Everyone forgets things. Especially autistic people. Please don’t yell at us for always forgetting to do the dishes. It’s not like we chose to forget.

The harmful effects of the vaccines cause autism jokes. Aside from the whole anti vaxers debate, perpetually the idea that we shouldn’t be vaccinated because it causes autism is disgusting. It’s treating autism like a disease. Like the person who has it isn’t worthy. Or that autism is so chronic it will ruin everything. It’s like people avoiding cheese burgers because it’s rumored they make you ginger. It’s preposterous. 

Yelling at autistic people for struggling to want to learn new concepts/concepts at all. This not only goes for in school but in just normal conversation. It’s hard for autistic people to grasp things they don’t have an interest in learning. So please don’t yell at us for not understanding everything about a band that we don’t care about, we would if we could. It might not seem like a big issue but it happens more than you’d think.

Intrusive thoughts. (Tw: rape mention & violence) Most of the time autistic people experience extreme spells of intrusive thoughts “omg he’s going to rape you image him raping you” or “stab yourself in the side right now” or much worse. & when autistic (and other) people try to talk about it they are labeled crazy or insane. It’s a normal occurrence to have these kinds of thoughts. We don’t want to. But they happen. That’s why they’re called intrusive.

Executive disfunction. This is basically when autistic people are views as lazy but we physically & mentally just can’t. Where tasks as seemingly simple as going to get a glass of water feels like a mountain to autistic people. It’s not that we are lazy. We physically & mentally can’t work up to it.

Class rank & graduation requirements are unfair. Autistic people socialize differently. It’s just a fact. Our brains work differently in classes & outside of it. We could be working our asses off to understand our English class book, but we get an F. Not to mention how most schools require community service hours to graduate. Yes community service is good but it can be very hard for autistic people.

Please feel free to add on but a lot of these are drawn from personal frustrations. Please listen to autistic & other disabled people more. All these also applies to those with ADHD/ADD or any other mental illness where the situations apply. You’re all valid & amazing.

I love you all. 💕

[damn-behzinga]

Falling On The Battle Field

Ethan Payne Centric

Part two of Losing The War Against Himself

summary - Ethan tries to take his own life, the sidemen try to cope.

warnings - attempted suicide, talks of mental health issues, angst, graphic description of violence

masterlist/request info

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED

Ethan was sat on the sofa with his friends after the video shoot. He felt his sadness push in and he wanted to escape the situation as soon as possible. He wanted this feeling to stop, he wanted everything to stop. Ethan knew he had to take control. He knew it. And so, Ethan suddenly stood up and grabbed his coat.

"Sorry boys, I've got to go." He whispered. "You know, film a video, have a bath, and whatever."

"Ethan, you've been quiet all day," Vik said as Ethan walked towards the door. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be okay." Ethan smiled softly, checking the time on his phone - 1:54 PM - quickly before pocketing it.

"Are you sure?" Simon questioned bluntly.

Ethan froze, staring the wall. He never lied to his friends, that's just how he was. Ethan was a lot of things but not a liar.

"Yeah." Ethan gulped, surprising himself when he lied. "I'm just tired."

"Okay, we were gonna do a call later for some brainstorming," Josh informed, smiling softly. Ethan nodded and left the flat after saying his goodbyes.

He rubbed his eyes before he started driving home, stopping at Tesco. He put his hood up and made his way into the store. He grabbed a basket and walked down the aisles to collect his items. He grabbed a couple of bags of sharpeners before making his way to the sweets aisle. He grabbed some packets of Haribos before making his way to the medicine aisle to grab sleeping pills. He knew that he should only buy a pack or two. He walked to the cleaning supplies and picked up a bottle of bleach and laid it in the basket.

"Oh, um, Ethan?" A small voice asked. Ethan turned and saw a girl no older than nineteen, standing shyly. "Is it all right if I can get a picture? It's cool if not."

"Yeah, that's all right." Ethan smiled. "what's your name?" He asked.

"Oh, my name is Lily." She smiled extending her phone to take a selfie. Ethan immediately posed by throwing up a 'gang' sign which made Lily laugh and do it too. "Thank you, I hope you're having a good day."

Ethan chuckled and smiled at her, "I hope yours is going well. Have you been busy?" He asked. Lily seemed surprised by his effort to make conversation but Ethan knew that this would likely be his last fan interaction and he wanted to go off with a bang.

"Um not really. Mum wanted to go out shopping and I happened to join." She smiled softly.

"It's good that you came along." Ethan smiled. "Otherwise we would never have met."

Lily giggled and her eyes flickered down to his basket and Ethan didn't fail to notice. He moved the basket so it was hiding behind his back, hoping she didn't connect the dots. Her eyebrows furrowed and she said, "I've been watching you since 2015 and I think you have been so incredible. I used to have really bad mental health problems but I have grown to love who I am. I think watching your weight loss has heavily inspired me."

Ethan swallowed thickly. "Thank you." He felt tears pool in eyes and nodded at the girl.

"It's so nice watching you and the other guys just being you. It's so relieving, especially for us lonely lot." Lily chuckled. "I think it's so nice that you have a real relationship. I can't wait to see where you lot go."

"I appreciate that." Ethan smiled. "I'm sorry. I have to go."

"Thank you for the photo." Lily smiled. "Have a nice day."

"You too." Ethan waved and made his way to the checkout. Ethan was thankful that the self-checkout existed so he didn't have to make awkward contact with the worker.

Ethan put the bag in the car and he gripped the steering wheel and let out a sob. "Fuck!" He started slapping the wheel and let out a broken sob. "I don't want to do this." He looked over at the bag and stared. He shook his head and drove home, racing to his flat.

Ethan very hastily recorded a video and tidied his room. He didn't want anyone to struggle cleaning after he was done. He threw on some shorts and his old top before making his way to his bathroom. He got a text from Charlie which immediately reminded him to let him know that it was okay for him to stay with his family longer if needed. Ethan turned the hot water up and laid down. A small sob escaped his trembling his lips. He studied the blade before pressing it against his wrist. He swallowed thickly and dug the blade into his skin.

"This is it." He muttered. He then felt tears escaped his eyes. His wrists ached as blood oozed out of it, he watched carefully when he felt nausea rise to his throat but he swallowed it away and reached for his phone. He knew all the other boys were in a group call trying to come up with new ideas. He joined the call and soon there were cheers for his arrival. Ethan was scared, he didn't want this. He hadn't said goodbye.

"Ethan, what do you think about the Cal's in another video?" Josh asked as he joined.

"Boys, boys." Ethan cried out. "I need help, I-"

"What happened?" Simon asked and the call suddenly went silent.

"I need help. I didn't mean to cut too deep. I'm gonna die." Ethan sobbed. "I need an ambulance."

"Ethan-" Harry gasped.

"It hurts so fucking bad, there's so much blood." Ethan stuttered. "I'm gonna miss you guys a lot." Ethan cried. "I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."

"Can you tell us what happened?" JJ asked.

"I just wanted it to stop." Ethan sobbed.

"No, Ethan, no, please! It's okay!" Tobi whimpered.

Ethan tried to relax his breathing but he couldn't stop the tears from escaping as he stared at his wrist.

"Ethan, what is your new video about?" Vik asked.

"Um, I tried a workout that Freezy and Lux made for me," Ethan whispered.

"Can you tell me about it?" Vik questioned.

"They made me do a shit ton of press-ups. My arms ached so bad and I couldn't do it all." Ethan chuckled weakly, his words started slurring. "I had to do a lot of squats, almost collapsed."

"How did the Cal's react?" Vik asked.

"They laughed at me," Ethan said. "I don't know why but-"

Ethan trailed of suddenly quieting.

"Ethan, are you still there?" Vik asked.

"'M tired. Wanna go to sleep." Ethan slurred, his eyelids fluttered. "I think I'm gonna sleep."

"No, c'mon Ethan. Stay with us." Harry begged. "If you wake up, I'm gonna upload something embarrassing on your channel."

"Go ahead. I don't care. Need to upload my goodbye video anyway." Ethan said.

"Goodbye video?" Tobi asked, voice high with confusion and worry.

"Made a video so I could explain it," Ethan mumbled. "Boys why is there banging at my door?"

"Ethan, hold on," Harry whispered.

"I wanna sleep."

"Don't go to sleep!"

"I'm going to sleep." Ethan's eyes fluttered shut and he dozed off.

JJ had never been properly scared. Sure, he had been nervous but he always switched it to adrenaline and made sure he saw the positive. He always knew the logic behind things and chances. He wasn't book smart but he knew how to see things to see what matters in the matter. He wasn't scared when his grandma was told she had a deadly illness, he knew the chances were low of her survival and so when she did pass, he was just happy she wasn't in pain anymore. But, JJ was terrified. His friend, by the time that he got to the flat, could be dead.

JJ ran into the flat with Simon close behind him, trying to unlock the bathroom door.

"Move back." He ordered and Simon did as he said stepping back. JJ hurried, knowing every second could count, slammed his foot on to the door. The door only shook slightly so JJ did it again, harder, a dent appeared in the door. One final kick and JJ's foot shot through the door and he fell forward slightly. He quickly pulled his foot out and fumbled with the lock and unlocked the door.

JJ surprised himself when he realised that he sprung into action and grabbed towels and pressed it against Ethan's wrist.

"Ethan, can you hear me?" Simon asked as he shakily held on to one of the wrists. JJ nodded at Ethan's chest and let out a shaky breath.

"He's breathing," JJ said. "Can you see how long the ambulance is gonna be? I'll keep ahold of these."

Simon just nodded and grabbed his phone out of his pocket and joined the group Discord call again. "Boys, we're with him now. Do you know how long they'll be?"

"Josh said they're pulling up soon," Tobi answered. As if on cue, JJ heard the doorbell. Simon sprinted to the door and guided them to the bathroom.

JJ blocked out what happened next, allowing Ethan to get rushed to hospital with no knowledge of what was going to happen. JJ and Simon arrived after the other guys and JJ collapsed into the seat and put his head in his hands. He was trying to block out Harry and Tobi's crying, he wanted to process what had just happened a mere few minutes ago. He jumped when a hand rested on his shoulder. JJ glanced up and saw Simon holding a blanket with a smile on his face.

"The receptionist said that you might want to cover that up." Simon nodded towards the blood that had spilt on to his top. JJ took the blanket before resting back. Simon sat beside him and took a deep breath.

Simon had always felt responsible when things went wrong. So, as he sat on an uncomfortable chair in the middle of the hospital, he looked back on his day and noticed everything that had happened. He imagined a scenario where Ethan hadn't resorted to taking his life. He thought about how he should've pushed more when he noticed Ethan was acting off. But he didn't. And if Ethan died, Simon knew he would never be able to get rid off that guilt.

Simon broke out of his thoughts when he heard a sob rip from Harry. He sighed and made his way over, wrapping an arm around Harry.

"He'll be okay," Simon whispered.

Harry sniffed and nodded. There had never been a major death in his family. Sure, he had the odd grandparent or uncle he never truly knew but he never felt so much sadness due to the idea of death. He was uncertain whether his friend would come out of this alive and that ruined Harry the most. He was upset that they couldn't contact Ethan sooner, he was upset that he didn't know, and he was upset that he may walk out of the hospital with the knowledge that his friendship group would shrink by one. He was so heartbroken that his friend didn't reach out and tell them how he was feeling.

Harry glanced over to Vik, who's foot was tapping anxiously as he continued to glance around.

"Vik, keep breathing," Harry muttered softly.

Vik just closed his eyes shut and ran through every event that had lead up to where they were. He tried to piece it together as if it were some puzzle that had been scattered across the floor. Why hadn't Ethan said anything? Had Vik been that bad of a friend? Did he miss all the signs? Vik's answers came up short as he desperately tried to figure out his confusion. There were so many moments where he thought Ethan was getting better. And he wondered if he had said something that had caused the final push. What were they going to tell the fans? There was so much Ethan was excited for, what were they going to do now?

Vik closed his eyes and let out a long breath when he heard muttering from Tobi beside him. Vik knew not to interrupt as Tobi prayed so he simply whispered, "Please, God."

Tobi linked his hands together, the cross of his necklace held tight between his palms as he recited a prayer and desperately tried to connect to his God. Ethan had to survive, they had got to him on time. Tobi continued whispering prayers under his breath as he waited for what he desperately wanted to be good news. He hoped his God would save the friend who was trying to leave far too soon. He was reminded of his mum who would always tell him that if you have hope, good things would come. Tobi had to remain hopeful, his God, alongside the hard-working doctors would save Ethan, he prayed they would.

Tobi looked over to Josh who was staring blankly at the floor and Tobi placed a hand on his friend's arm. "Josh. It's okay."

Josh felt disconnected to the ground. As he looked at all of his friends, he tried to remember when they all had become so close, all huddled together. He hated hospitals, it always felt like a new universe to him. As if reality had shifted as soon as he walked through the doors. It also felt strange to know that, a few rooms away, his friend, who Josh truly believed to be one of the best people he knows, laid dancing on the line of life and death. Josh didn't know how to cope and he started to go through ideas and his schedule in his head. He tried desperately to forget the reason they were there, knowing if he overthought it, he would have a panic attack or run away. He knew he couldn't forget but he was just so afraid.

"Um, the family of Ethan Payne?" The doctor asked and the boys all stood up. "He's alive and stable. We need to get blood transfusion so he has a few IVs in him at the moment. It may be scary but he's alive. I just wanted to ask a few questions? If you're in the state to answer." The men just nodded. "So he cut his wrists in a bathtub. Has he ever had suicidal tendencies before?"

"Um, he's harmed before. And he's thought about it but never-" Vik swallowed thickly. "He's never tried."

"Okay, does he see a therapist? Or used to see a therapist?" The doctor asked after jotting notes down.

"Yes," Josh answered. "He saw a therapist once a week but I don't know if he's gone in the last few weeks."

"Will he have enough money to see a therapist?" The doctor asked and the boys nodded. "Okay, you can see him now and I'll finish the questions later."

"Thank you. For saving him." Simon said quietly. "His mum lives a few hours away, we're the only other family he has."

"I'm just doing my job." The doctor smiled as he led them outside the room. "Just a warning, he's now got two scars on his wrists. They are bandaged and will stay bandaged but if you need to understand that they'll be big and not pretty. We may have to keep Ethan in for twenty-four hours but he's alive."

The doctor opened the door and the men walked in to see Ethan in bed asleep, several wires going into his arms. Harry gasped and Tobi let out a small cry.

"He won't be awake for forty-five minutes to an hour so I would recommend you maybe grab some of his stuff he'll want and some food for you all. Here's a list of things he'll be allowed." The doctor handed them a piece of paper and smiled softly. "Try not to bring anything he can hurt himself with. Any wires and whatnot, make sure you take it home with you."

"Thank you again." Tobi smiled. The doctor just nodded and left the room. The group all looked at each other and sighed.

"So should we do three of us go get his stuff and the other three go pick some food up?" JJ suggested.

"Um yeah. I'll go to his place." Tobi took a deep breath. Josh and JJ both decided to go alongside Tobi as Harry, Simon, and Vik went to the store.

The stopped at JJ and Simon's flat so JJ could change out his bloody clothes. He threw the clothes away and walked out in a hoodie instead. The three were on edge as the walked into Ethan's flat, a new feeling bubbling in their chests.

They quickly made their way to Ethan's bedroom and picked up a few of the things they know Ethan would want. His AirPods, his Switch, his laptop, and his-

"Jide, Where's his phone?" Tobi asked. JJ sucked in a breath.

"The bathroom." JJ stuttered.

"I'll go get it." Josh smiled softly, knowing how JJ would react. JJ and Tobi nodded as the continued looking for whatever they may find that Ethan would want. Tobi was searching the desk when he noticed a USB stick lying neatly next to his computer. Tobi put the USB stick in his pocket and continued looking as Josh returned with Ethan's phone.

Simon, Vik, and Harry were picking out snacks as they all thought about what Ethan would want and would help him recover. They packed up the food before quickly making their way back to the hospital, the last thing they wanted was to hear Ethan had woke up alone.

When they all re-met in Ethan's hospital room, they had a few snacks, all sat at whatever part of the small room they could find space in. After a few minutes of silence, Tobi pulled out the USB and held it out in front of him.

"Should we watch it?" He asked his friends.

"I think we should," JJ said.

"It will give us more of an insight as to why." Josh agreed.

Tobi pulled out Ethan's laptop and praised silently that he remembered Ethan's password before plugging the USB into it. The file only took a few seconds to download and Tobi opened it.

He placed the laptop in front of the friend group who was all crowded around it on the floor.

"I'm assuming if you're watching this you're looking for a why." The on-screen Ethan swallowed thickly and took a deep breath. "I am so tired. I did not give up, I promise. I battled as hard as I could, I swear. Nothing I did was good enough. I tried to make my mum proud, and the boys proud. And they always told me they were but I never felt it. I tried so hard not to try this way of ending but I realised that this was my best option. I'm not good enough."

Tobi paused the video and closed the laptop. "I can't watch this."

"Me either." Harry sighed.

"Okay, let's just-" Josh suddenly gasped. "Shit, has anyone spoke to Ruth?"

Mumbles broke out within the group and Vik hastily pulled out his phone, stepping out the room to talk to Ruth. They all felt silence wash over them as they waited for their friend to wake.

Another few minutes past, they heard groans and confused mumbles coming from Ethan. JJ ran to get the doctor as Ethan started crying, his eyes darting around as he trembled. Tobi and Josh tried to calm Ethan down, explaining that he was okay and alive. The doctor walked in with JJ and calmed Ethan down. Ethan wrapped his hand around his wrist, gritting his teeth in pain.

"Would you like some painkillers?" The doctor asked softly. And Ethan nodded as tears escaped his eyes. Ethan took the painkillers with water and the doctor said, "Open your mouth please, I need to do a cheek check."

"Why?" Ethan asked before opening his mouth.

"We need to make sure those who try to commit suicide don't store their medication in their cheeks." The doctor said before giving him the all-clear.

"Can I ask you some questions?" The doctor asked and Ethan nodded slightly. "Okay, I'm going to have to ask you six to leave the room please." The six friends nodded and turned before leaving the room.

"Okay, so, were you originally trying to commit suicide? Or was it an accident?" The doctor asked.

Ethan felt sick, tapping his fingers against his thighs. "It was originally and then I freaked out and called my friends, who I assume called an ambulance?"

"Well, it was your friends JJ and Simon who got to your flat before the paramedics. They saved your life." The doctor explained and Ethan let out a sob. "Have you tried to take your life before?"

"When I was fifteen but that was over ten years ago. Since then I've only thought about it and hurt myself." Ethan explained honestly.

"Okay. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders before?" The doctor asked.

"Um depression," Ethan answered quietly. "That's what I was diagnosed with after my first attempt."

"Anything else?" The doctor asked and Ethan shook his head. "Okay, your mum has been contacted and she is on her way in the next few hours. We need to keep you here for a day to make sure you are okay. I have lists of recommended therapists and hope you'll get better."

"Thank you." Ethan rubbed his eyes to clear his tears before the doctor welcomed his friends back in.

They all stood awkwardly before Ethan whispered a small, "Thank you. I regretted as soon as I did it."

"I thought we were going to lose you!" Harry sobbed as Ethan pulled him into a hug.

"I'm sorry, bog," Ethan muttered. "I was just so tired." His voice broke as a sob escaped.

"Please, never do that again," Simon begged.

"I felt so-" Ethan paused, trying to find the right words. "I just felt like nothing I did was good enough. I tried to fight, I did. I saw the therapist and I tried the exercises but nothing was working. So, I tried to make everything stop. It was so hard." Ethan was crying, his words slurring together as he sobbed.

The friends could only watch, their heart was breaking at the sight.

"Ethan." Josh frowned. "We are always here for you. We would do anything for you. If you ever feel like this again, please, talk to us. Or your therapist. None of us has ever been so scared in our lives."

"I'm sorry." Ethan whimpered.

"You're here now. And you are alive and breathing. That's what matters right now okay?" JJ said and Ethan nodded shakily.

"You're going to have scars," Tobi said. "And you'll probably hate them for a while but they're going to show you that you are a survivor."

"I don't know if I'll ever want to look at them again," Ethan said honestly. "And the fucking fans will comment on them. Fuck, have you told them anything?"

"Ethan, the fans can wait," Vik said. "You are far more important."

"Am I?" Ethan asked.

"Of fucking course!" JJ exclaimed.

Ethan was taken aback and just looked down at his lap. 

"You're good enough, Ethan. I promise." Simon whispered.

Ethan just nodded, not fully believing the love he received from his friends. He didn't know if he ever would but as he sat in the hospital bed surrounded by his friends - his brothers - he felt relief that he had woken up in hospital rather then not woken up at all.

[stoopsbookstore]

"What can we do to encourage a healthier mental wellbeing in the industry?"

So, I lied. I'm making one post and this is it. I saw this question on Reddit and you know, I thought about it and I figured I'd share my thoughts and yes, I am tagging every kpop group I can think of, so you people telling others "you're just looking for clout" can go fuck yourself because this isn't just a KARA or F(x) or SHINee situation, this is literally industry-wide, not just k-pop, but ENTERTAINMENT AS A WHOLE.

Well, the first thing we can do as a community is stop sending fucking hate comments to artists we don't like. It's one thing to call someone who had a hand in running a sex ring a piece of shit on a tweet, but it's aother thing to tweet to an artist "go kill yourself" because they fucking won an award over your bias group. That's one fucking thing we can all stop doing.

Another thing is actually take people talking about mental illness seriously intsead of saying shit like "uwu my sleepy little baby uwu WHEN'S THE COMEBACK?!" or my favorite "ohmygod they've been working so hard, they need a break" and then less than 24 hours later, say "I MISS THEM SO MUCH ;-; WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO RETURN FROM WAR?!"

How about not giving idols shit for dating? How about actually letting them be humans and experience shit such as dating, sex, actually eating food without having to worrying about a manager getting pissed at them, talking to other groups without thinking they have to be dating or fucking, allowing them to make up for mistakes when they were younger, giving them chances to grow and be people? And before anybody fucking comes at me with "that's what they signed up for! They should've known what they were getting into!" Well, maybe if you stopped the victim blaming, we could actually figure out how to stop the hate that idols have to live with.

As you can tell, this entire fuckefy bullshit stan culture pisses me the fuck off, because if it's not the company putting the idols under stress, it's the stans who bitch on twitter, tumblr and reddit about something.

If we want the industry to get better, we as a community have to get better.

And by that, I mean instead of demanding comebacks every 3 months, show support for the groups during that time. Instead of sending hate to the idols you dislike for whatever reason, send love to the idols you love. Instead of sending death threats and slurs to fandoms that may have won more awards, show the fandom you're in you appreciate the translators, the writers, the artists, anyone who creates content for the artists love, trust me, we need it, it's not fun to write a series only to get comments about how idoos would never act like that. Instead of babying idols for dating or oh no, having sex, and saying "uwu my idol is such a pure baby, theyre only being sexy because their compant forced them to do so, they never had an impure thought in their life," support the couples as much as you support the damn ships. Instead of getting pissed and guilting people for not streaming videos or buying albums, saying they're not real stans and their idols would never love them as much as the true stans, be happy because holy shit, that's more people who know a group in this oversaturated industry.

If anyone reading this needs to hear this, I know this year has been a lot, it's been intense and insane, but we're almost at 2020, you can make this, I believe in you, take care of yourself especially in these final weeks. If you need to take a step, do so, Kpop isn't a job for you to stay at a computer and stream. Reminder to drink water, to eat at least a piece of toast or some crackers, if you need to, take a nap, watch something on Netflix, I think Good Burger's on there, great movie, or YouTube, I've been binging the Kill Count, but that may be a bit much right now. What I'm saying is if you are reading this, please take care of yourself.

[lilwenney]

(hi i’m hear to vent my thoughts to you again, and sorry it’s a fucking long one. + this isn’t directed at you or anyone i’ve seen on tumblr btw, i’m talking about the fandom as a whole. and if you read all of this, thank you. i know it’s a lot but head full, thoughts many) i understand that shannon has done some really shitty things and i agree she should be held accountable for that, but some people are borderline harassing her. (1/6)

i’m so sick of the same people who make memes about her and tweeting her 24/7 say “but guys don’t bully her, that would be bad!! :(“ as if that’s not what they’re doing. do they not recognize that she’s in a similar situation to alex when all the slazo drama went down? the very ones who rage at people for mentioning the fact that alex made and encouraged false rape accusations and the same ones hounding this underage child on social media. (2/6)

i would genuinely like to know, what is the difference here? why do these people argue for the preservation of alex’s mental health while simultaneously trying to tear down this girl’s? she’s clearly got some issues going on if she’s lying to people like this. she reminds me of someone i used to be friends with who lied online about her personal life and ended up in a nearly identical situation, just not on social media. (3/6)

they were dealing with very severe depression and had issues going on at home. none of these people KNOW shannon well enough to say she’s not suffering in her personal life. none of them have the right to treat her like she’s less than a human being. i can’t even bring myself to watch the eboy’s videos anymore because i’m constantly reminded of the blatant hypocrisy of the people in this fandom. (4/6)

i even struggle to find some of the boys and their friends to be respectable anymore. first it’s ditching fraser when they made the group channel, then it’s george not apologizing for using slurs, and now it’s (some of) them laughing along as a mentally ill child gets absolutely slaughtered by their fans on social media? (5/6)

hi love i didn't get part 6 so i just assume you miscounted or it just didn't send to my inbox

i can't speak for anything else you brought up, but regarding this situation of shannon, i know that a lot of fans were just making fun of the stories, not her personally. and the way that fraser/alex/george talked about it, it was obvious they were just taking the piss out of the stories/lies, just like the rest of us were. and yeah there are fans who take it too far (as bailey said, those people are the reason why we say we can't have nice things lmao) and doxed her which was completely unnecessary

taking responsibility for fans actions is another thing. in the way they reacted to the lies was in no way bullying her, nor was it prompting anyone to send her hate or bully her. and when fans take action, it's completely out of their hands now, and they can't be responsible for what fans decide to do. should they say "hey don't bully or seek her out" yes and they often do, especially at the end of their videos on minors or other youtubers, and in no way are they ever condoning people bullying them.

again when a lot of fans, me included, take the piss out of what's going on, it's not directed at shannon, it's directed at the absolutely hilarious stories that came out of it & are now memes.

[saltycharacters]

WAIT WAIT Uri and I have the same stuff goin on that's so cool!! I love that you're making your characters neurodivergent! If you need any help writing his disabilities I'd be happy to help :)

 Aaah I’m so glad!!! Yes, I’m trying hard to diversify my characters and this definitely includes neurodivergence :^) I thought Uri was a good character to include!!!

I could always use advice on how to write characters that are neurodivergent (or in any minority group really)!! Even if I’ve heard from a knowledgeable person already, or know about it myself through extensive research, or even if I experience it myself- I like to hear from multiple sources so I can learn about different experiences and create varied stories. Repetition even helps me remember what to avoid and what to include. So I’ll cherish any piece of information I can get!!

In terms of this subject specifically, currently I especially need to hear about:

-Autism

-OCD

-Dyslexia

-ADHD

-Dyscalculia

-Bipolar Disorder

-Hypersexuality

-Psychosis

-Disassociation

-Any other mental illness/disability/disorder/symptom(s) you’d really like to see represented in media/characters, I know these are definitely not all of them

So If anyone would like to add in their two cents about their experiences with any of these, (if you do not personally have these experiences but want to talk about it, make sure to let me know it’s not from personal experience because as accurate as you may think you are, it isn’t gonna be as accurate as a first person account), then some of the things I want to know is-

-Do’s and Dont’s of writing the character with said label (it can be from personal opinion/experience or just something you know I should avoid and/or incorporate) ((this can also include terms/slurs/names I shouldn’t use))

-Stereotypes/myths about the label

-What type of characters you would really like to see belonging into these groups (ex: more autistic POC/adult/women characters, more ocd characters that are messy, etc)

-How you (or other if this isn’t first person) experience difficulties from day to day life with it (or just experiences in general)

-How you deal with it/coping mechanisms/things that make you happy or de-stress when you’re having difficulties

-Ways a society could be more friendly and helpful for people with such a disability (after all, my verse isn’t earth and the societies/rules are very flexible, so include anything you can think of.)

-Anything else you want to add

You can give me your input through messaging, or an ask or replying to this post or even contacting me at another site. I’ll be very grateful for your input (even links to other’s stories are great, as long as you’re 101% they’re trustworthy) and I’ll record it and it’ll drastically help me in creating accurately diverse characters. Thank you!

[sapropel]

Some Thoughts on the Structure of Discourse  (and Why It's Faulty)

Hi guys! I’m sure a lot of you have noticed, but the discourse has turned to shit. I wanted to provide some thoughts on the topic, but it’s some stuff I’ve been meaning to stay for awhile. If you’re worried about the current state of the discourse, I encourage you to read this.

Also this took me three hours to write and I’m mentally ill as hell so please validate my questionable decision to write all this out lol

There are many reasons that Tumblr discourse has gotten so toxic. For one, when you put a bunch of teenagers in a high stress environment, especially mentally ill teenagers and teenagers who are survivors of abuse and trauma, it's a breeding ground both for toxicity and for pain. Because social justice/discourse Tumblr attracts users with rough backgrounds or marginalized identities, it's easy to band together against and bond over common oppressors. These things can cause several issues.

Tumblr has a terrible habit of weaponizing identities. By that I mean discoursers will use their marginalized identities to win arguments without providing other evidence or good arguments.

Take the following argument for example:

Q: Is the word “homosexual” problematic when talking about gay men?

Gay man 1: “Yes, it is.”

Gay man 2: “No, it isn't!”

Okay, so now what do you do? You're used to believing people based solely off of their identities, but what happens when they disagree?

The issue with holding marginalized people as experts in nuanced issues is that marginalized identities are NOT monolithic. People can be prejudiced, bigoted, rude, or purposefully deceitful regardless of identity. People can also be extremely kind and intelligent with different backgrounds and lived experience, with some ignorance and mistakes, with personal preferences. Obviously, if you hear overwhelmingly that something is problematic from that group of people (e.g, is it okay to misgender trans people, the answer being no), then you should take care to listen and take them at their word. Some arguments are more complicated and require deeper analysis, so let's return to the argument before.

Q: Is the word “homosexual” problematic when talking about gay men?

Gay Man 1: “Yes, it is. It recalls the medicalization of gay men and our subsequent mistreatment and dehumanization. With the split attraction model, the word also has a new meaning, so it can be confusing in conversations. Many gay men consider the word to be a slur and don't want to hear it.”

Gay Man 2: “No, it isn't! As a gay man, ‘gay’ has become an umbrella term for anyone who experiences same-gender attraction. If we don’t use that word, how will people be able to talk about us, and how will we be able to talk about ourselves? Because of some events in my life, I'm uncomfortable with other people calling me ‘gay’ but I've never been uncomfortable with ‘homosexual.’ “

Okay, so you heard an argument this time. So, what's the right answer? Isn't that what is important?

It's not that simple. One issue with discourse on Tumblr is its inability to handle nuance. Who GETS to decide what's right? Sure, we can figure out bits and pieces. For example, you should know it's inappropriate to call the first man a homosexual because he's said it makes him uncomfortable. We know we shouldn't make the second man accept the label “gay” if it hurts him.

So again, who's right?

I can't tell you that. I could only ever tell you my opinion. I can tell you that for me, personally, I like to err on the side of caution.

Tumblr is unwilling to treat issues as living, changing, perhaps unanswerable entities. The need to have a black and white answer on everything is alienating people and making discourse a fruitless endeavour. Instead of fighting to prove why we’re right, or fighting to get an answer, we should be working together towards a common goal of educating each other and ourselves and allowing ourselves to be compassionate and imperfect creatures.

How do we educate each other? I promise that treating people with innocent, if misguided, questions isn't it. We have to let people be curious and make mistakes and know that we won't demonize them for dissent or for messing up. I believe that open, honest, and genuine discourse will naturally teach well.

Again, I would like to stress that there is a difference between situational ignorance and a person consistently unwilling to better themself.

The weaponization of identity isn't the only issue with some of the language of our discourse. I also want to talk about the difference between systematic oppression and discrimination and how Tumblr handles it.

With marginalized identities, there is very often oppression. This word gets thrown around a lot, especially with respect to ace discourse. So what does it mean?

Systematic oppression is the institutional or legislative and almost always cultural manifestation of disenfranchisement coupled with a power dynamic that inhibits social mobility.

Some examples of people who are systematically oppressed (at least in America, but due to imperialism and the like, the effects are usually global) are black people, women, and people who experience same-gender attraction. I'm going to talk about the experience of systematic oppression vs discrimination for the third case, just a little bit. Obviously, these issues are extremely complex and I won't be able to explain every facet, but I can give a rough sketch.

For the sakes of simplicity and consistency, I would like to talk about two groups of people: gay men and bisexual men. Both groups of people experience same-gender attraction, and both are oppressed under homophobia.

Hold on, did OP just say that bi people are oppressed under homophobia? WHAT ABOUT BIPHOBIA???

Okay! This is a common misconception on Tumblr. Homophobia is systematic because it is legal, institutional, very cultural, and involves a power imbalance between those who experience SGA and those who do not.

Biphobia is NOT a form of systematic oppression, and I'm happy to explain why in another post, but not here. This is already too long.

Does that mean that gay men can't discriminate against bi men? No.

Does THAT mean that bi men can't discriminate against gay men? No.

Any aggression that occurs between two people who are oppressed under the same systematic force can be classified as “lateral aggression.” Lateral aggression is damaging, insidious, pointless, and divisive.

There are cultural components that privilege bi men over gay men, and there are cultural components that privilege gay men over bi men, but in society, there is no power imbalance between the two.

Bi men can be extremely homophobic to gay men, and gay men can be extremely biphobic to gay men, BOTH to the point where it could ruin someone’s life.

I said all of this to lead up to my very important point: the validation of discrimination.

I've been on Tumblr for 4 years, and in my opinion, Tumblr mainly cares about oppressed identities or notions that can be wrapped up nicely in little bows.

But I want to make very, very clear that having more marginalized identities than another person does not make you better, smarter, more correct, or mean their struggles are more valid than yours.

Some of the worst things that have happened in my life are because of things that don’t get me ~Internet points,~ like the fact I was raised in a Mormon household, the fact I'm not conventionally attractive, the fact I grew up in a conservative area.

The discrimination and heartache I have faced for things like these are arguably worse, or at least comparable, to the discrimination I've faced for being a gay man.

I feel that a lot of what's wrong with discourse is that people feel like if their heartache doesn't come from being systematically oppressed or from trauma/abuse, then it's not equal or that it's not valid. This is ABSOLUTELY false.

If we are going to be successful discoursers and make progress and better ourselves, we have to let go of our strange fetishization of identity. We have to stop the idea that there is any cohesive, monolithic experience or perspective from any group of people. We have to validate discrimination and the effect it has on people.

Failing to do this alienates people and makes it harder for all of us to become knowledgeable and kind.

We HAVE to kill the idea that someone making a mistake or holding a mildly problematic belief makes them irredeemable. We HAVE to treat arguments as individual and not necessarily as mindless parts of a larger whole. We HAVE to accept that we are imperfect, dynamic, and human. We are not arbiters of judgment or masters of morality. We are a group of people who have come together with the common goals of building community and working to better the experiences of disadvantaged people.

I recognize the need to be wary of patterns and harmful rhetoric, and I understand (and condone) retaliation against oppressors and unnecessary cruelty. This post is NOT here to excuse repugnant behavior and beliefs.

We have to treat each person we come across in the discourse not as the sum (or worse, the poster child) of their identities, experiences, and beliefs, but rather as intersectionally gestalt, multi-faceted, capable of compassion and love, imperfect, and with a boundless potential to improve themself.

It's easy to start a witch hunt on someone who made a poorly worded post or who made a mistake, and sometimes such an extreme reaction is justifiable, even necessary. But again, think about why--is it the allure of seeming more enlightened? Is it blindly following someone you admire? Is it out of spite and cruelty? Is it because you want to win? Or is it out of a genuine desire to keep people safe and to help others learn?

I understand that we are imperfect and sometimes hedonistic or primal in our intentions, and I know that perfection is impossible. I know for a fact I am guilty of many of the shortcomings I highlighted in this post.

Good discoursers have to know that being incorrect is inevitable. There is no such thing as perfect discourse, and mistakes should be expected. The discourser who sees themself as infallible is the discourser to be wary of.

We aren’t machines. We’re people.

[highlights-of-the-lowlife]

An open letter

I recently had an...interaction with @lindsayetumbls which was fun. I sent them an ask hoping they would stop using the word lame because it targets disabled people like me.

My ask was (And I have sources for this in case anyone asks)

“I’ve been a fan of your work for years but going through your older work, you’ve used both the R slur and autistic as an insult. In recent videos you’ve the word lame. Could you please find other insults that don’t have a history of dehumanising or actively othering and attacking people like me for having physical and neurological disabilities?”

This was their response. Or at least part of it and more on that in a minute.

“*deep sigh, centers self*

Okay, I actually made a blog post about this YEARS ago. Since its an old blog post, I can understand that you might not have thought to hunt that down. I do think it’s pretty weaksauce to be like “could you please stop??” on eight and nine year old videos when its pretty obvious I have stopped. I shouldn’t have said those things, I was young, it was a different time, mea culpa.

But I do think there is a line to be drawn, and “Lame” is it. Same with words like “imbecile,” “idiot,” “moron” and so on. Yes, there is an underlying history of ableism for some of them. I understand and empathize with why you shouldn’t use as an insult “retarded” and “austistic.” But lame seems to me a bridge too far.

YOU. DO. NOT. GET. TO. DECIDE. WHAT. IS. ABLEIST.

But furthermore this was brought this up in a livestream and laughed about. Literally handwaved away.

http://listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=G0Qz-ZCwbaQ#Inter__Persona_and_You

(For anyone wondering why its on listenonrepeat.com its because the video has been age gated and this is a workaround. The context starts at 54:00 because it relates to others being called out on trans slurs when they themselves might be NB or trans in some regard. The group brushes it off and says this person might be kinda right but you’re annoying so we will disregard you)

I am far too steamed to write a complete verbatim script for this so feel free if anyone wants to add. The entire defense of the use of slurs in this regard is that the person using them might be part of the group they target. You are not. You are able bodied. I get that my wording could have been vague on the issue of their work from years ago. But. I asked if they would stop using slurs against the physically disabled now. Because of their words in their recent works. And the fact of the matter is there still all the vile R slurs and cracks at autistic people on their channel right now from all those years ago. Monetised of course. Would that be the same if it was a racial slur? Would a buried apology be enough to continue profiting from such actions for other slurs as is or would the offenses  be censored?

As I stated in another ask I sent them, slurs against the disabled have body counts. People like me were actively killed and in some ways still are. There is no vague history especially when its still happening. We were shuttled into asylums and deliberately infected with TB because of words like lame and imbecile. Eugenics only fell out of favour because of the Nazi associations when the Nazis themselves based their programs on what the rest of Europe and the US were doing at the time. The UK is purging the disabled by cutting benefits to unliveable levels. 6000 people have died so far. Part of Brexit was to avoid EU court rulings about this being a massive human rights violation. The US is constantly targetting the disabled by cutting govt aid and access to healthcare, painting people as huge burdens to tax dollars. The abled don’t get to decide the meaning is gone when I hear earn or die on the daily. When people like me as seen as subhuman.

As for the words themselves, they still target people. Words like idiot and imbecile are thrown at the autistic community a lot. Because obviously you can’t attack them for being autistic. It just has to be reframed as weird and bad and wrong. Words targeting the mentally ill like insane are applied to the shitty actions of perfectly happy people, pushing the blame off them and onto the ill as a scapegoat which is why we have such wonderful things as diagnose Trump. His shitty actions clearly aren’t because he has vile opinions. He must be mentally ill. Lame is used to this day to denote horses who need to be shot because of injuries. That could never carry over to people, right? Nobody wants to kill us because of our disabilities, right?

Would she say gay as a synonym for bad was okay? Thats a trick question because I know she wouldn’t. This is no difference no matter how much anyone wants to say the slurs are divorced from their meaning. “No I mean gay as just a word for bad. Its not homophobic”. This is entire hypocritical. But on to the video. She and and cohorts argued that taking these words away would be too hard to do because it would limit the words they can use which is terribad. That sounds familiar. Almost like what the ‘free speechers’ say about racist/homophobic/sexist/transphobic/every other slur now. Can’t take your precious words away now can we? What about the alt right bringing back a bunch of archaic racial slurs? Is it okay because they are old? Whats the timeline? Is it okay because these ableist slurs are starting to fall out of living memory (Fun joke: they aren’t at all)

Also funny she should say you might look back on this in 20 years and cringe for being on the wrong side of history. Especially when told these words hurt people now and all the slur laden videos from 9 years ago are still making money to this day. This could have been a proactive thing. This could have been thought about, discussed and changed now.

But since I can’t seem to convince these people who laughed at me from a treating me as a human because its the right thing to do standpoint, I’ll try to convince them as a writer. The people laughing about me in the video are all writers. They get paid to write. Their livelihood depends on their ability to find words to express ideas and concepts in creative and interesting ways. What does it say when none of them are willing to give up the low hanging fruit of slurs against the disabled? One could call it laziness. Amateur even. To insult them without mentioning slurs or their looks would be trivial. I could call them personified wet doorknobs. Or an overturned damp rock of a human. Or that their soul runneth over with dumpsterjuice that spills into their prose.

So please, feel free to ask @lindsayetumbls @actuallykylekallgren @hbomberguy and @elisaintime why they get to decide what slurs are okay when a disabled person tells them they are harmful.

[shimmy-sham-with-the-fam]

Here’s the prologue!

Previous Next

Alright~!

Here’s the next chapter for Hunting X For Bruises!! 

As promised, I now have it linked with AO3 if you would prefer to read it on there!

If not, I am still going to post the chapter under the cut, just in case!

Rate: T

Words: 1192

Summary:  An AU where the bruises and cuts of a soulmate appear on the skin. Gon becomes increasingly worried about his soulmate as he gets tattooed with new marks everyday, and hopes to find the person soon. Killua, on the other hand, has been brainwashed by his family to believe that the spots on his skin are a curse from the person who plans to target and kill him, as they believe learning about a soulmate would make him soft during jobs.

Chapter 6: Riddle X Me X For Naught

The sound of small wheels scratching steadily against a concrete path filled Killua’s brain. He was proud of his past self for investing in his new means of travel. While he didn't tire quickly, being able to roll effortlessly across the ground proved to conserve energy, which would greatly increase his chances of passing the exam with flying colors. Yes, Killua had proven to himself that he was quite the intelligent and well prepared person. After two hours of strolling along on his skateboard, the electric blue eyed soul found himself wandering into what seemed like an abandoned town. It gently reminded him of the city he had taken shelter in while waiting for the date of his flight. Shambled buildings, windows replaced by wooden planks, bricks fallen out of their place, pieces of old furniture scattered carelessly. Despite seemingly empty of any lifeform, Killua did not falter in his sensing of another presence. In fact, there were many, but he couldn’t quite figure out if they were hostile. He took his chances in believing that they were harmless, especially if they existed within this part of Zaban. They were either too scared to go outside while a stranger rolled about or they were another part of the exam. Killua’s mind lingered on the advice that Zephyria had gifted him; he would be asked a question, but do not answer it. The occasion hadn’t risen yet, so Killua knew it was not completely out of the question that whoever was hiding in the wreckage could be the interrogators. He passed in silence. He figured it was about half way through the city when a drum beat began playing with no coordinated beat. Recorders blasted with no skill, and the chiming of a tambourine rang unnaturally in combination with the attempt to make music. Whilst the horrid noises continued, a stage rolled out in front of him. The analytical mind counted about ten masked faces; all who surrounded an older woman. ‘Oh wonderful,’ his thoughts pained him, ‘An old hag. Just what I needed to run into.’ His foot planted firmly next to the red arrow skateboard while he buried his hands deep into the pockets of the shorts that hugged his hips effortlessly. “Hmm…? What do you want?” His voice droned as if he was uninterested in their presence. “We assume you are trying to take the hunter exam?” The old woman’s voice reflected her, but she also sounded a tad bit amused at his almost non existent acknowledgement. “Sure. What’s it to you?” “I have a riddle for you to answer-” Killua mentally grinned. This was it. However, he tried not to seem prepared for the question. He thought for Zeph’s sake, it would be best that he acted as if he knew nothing of the trial. “You will have five seconds to answer.” “And if I decide that I don’t want to take this stupid quiz of yours?” He grinned expectantly. A mocking tone appeared in Killua’s ear, but he quickly found that it was not the same scratchy, aged voice. It was definitely younger, more masculine, and the sound of the slurred voice was not very pleasing to the ear. “Hmmm… It sounds like you don’t want to make it to the exam then, boy~❤” Killua’s mood instantly sloped into immediate mistrust. He hadn’t even sensed the presence. That’s the second time he was unable to figure out that someone had snuck up on him. Was he losing his touch? He had only been traveling without training for a little under two weeks. There was no way for him to start deteriorating in his skills that fast, was there? No… It had to be that the two men had managed to conceal their presence somehow. But how did they do it? Killua’s eyes narrowed in suspicion at the man that appeared behind him. The man definitely looked like a entertainer. His red hair slicked towards the back of his head. A red star painted below his right eye with a blue tear drop below the left to keep it company. The attire was probably the most bizarre part of him. What seemed almost like giant pink rubber bands hugged the stomach, biceps, wrists, and ankles. A shirt that only reached half-way down the skinny torso and a pale yellow cloth that wrapped around his hips; tying at the front. About the only normal thing on his body were the white baggy pants covering his long legs. While he displayed such an entertaining fashion, his facial expression was entirely dangerous. The combination of a liars grin and a jokesters golden glare kept Killua on his toes. “Who the hell are you?” Killua spat at him. “Hmm? You don’t seem too particularly fond of me. If you’d rather not partake in the riddle, then I hope you don’t mind that I continue on~ ♣️️” Killua pushed himself back, suggesting that the other male can go in front of him. The young Zoldyck could feel that there was a lethal power radiating from him. As the man passed, Killua’s eyes scanned his left hand. He looked for any particular markings to suggest that there might have been a cut on the palm of his hand. To the teen’s relief, there was nothing. “Are you ready for the question, then?” The old voice cracked. An amused hum was his response. “Alright then. Your mother and your best friend have both fallen fatally ill. There is an antidote, but there is only enough to save one. Which one will you choose?” The countdown started. “5…” Nothing changed in the man’s posture. “4…” A grin that continued to spread the lips. “3…” Killua couldn’t believe it. Who told him? Was he lucky enough to have someone similar to Zeph when he traveled to Zaban City? Judging by the strange personality that radiated from the weird man, there was no possible way someone would have actually taken a sincere liking to him. “2…” Why? How did he find out?! “1…” The countdown finished in silence. “You may pass.” A door to the left was opened by the gas masked clad partners. Without a second thought, he rhythmically paced through the walkway. “Young boy,” Killua was addressed to by the short woman on stage. “You may continue as well.” “What?! But you weren’t even asking me the question!”Killua growled. Not only had the man snuck up on him, but now he was taking all of the fun and glory out of the journey to the exam! “There would be no reason for me to ask you if you already know how to answer. You may pass.” Killua snorted, upset that he couldn’t answer the way Zeph had told him to. It seemed all in vain now; there was no reason for the captain’s cheating to have happened, since he would have passed through regardless. “Damn clown man…” He cursed and rolled through the passageway. A small chuckle escaped the lips of the older woman, but Killua had long passed through the entrance. He would never hear her words. “What an interesting group of examinees we have this year.”

[thelordfool]

hey all trans people

if you’re experiencing some form of discrimination at work, which let’s face it you probably are, and your manager or boss is doing nothing about it, there should be a worker’s advocacy group in your county. Google “[your county name] workplace advocacy” and it should pop up.

tips:

be sure to write down times and dates of all instances of discrimination happening. this includes deadnaming, misgendering, use of slurs, physical or mental harassment, and especially rumors circulating behind your back if you hear any and where they are coming from

record it if you can on your phone or bring some recording device! if your work has cameras that’s also a big help, especially if they’re sound/image recording. not all work places have these, but if it’s physical harassment, they will help.

contact the police (yea, I know) if it does escalate to physical harassment. that’s assault. 

if they are hitting you or touching you without permission, don’t take any physical action back to them unless it’s life-threatening. 

if they are verbally abusing you, do not threaten them in any way. this includes saying things like, “I wish you would die already,” or, “I’m going to kill you if you don’t stop”, or even something as small as, “Don’t make me hit you.” Threats are serious and can be used against you if they’ve recorded it and could get your case thrown out.

if you have a mental illness that prevents you from remembering times and dates, try your best to write it down immediately after it happens or tell someone else when you get home if you can so that way you have people able to back up your story.

witnesses are important. if there are any to whatever happens, ask them kindly if they would back up your case. get their name and phone number. write down what happened and who observed it. 

this also goes out to any neurodivergent people and poc. something CAN be done without going to the police right away. we all know that we can’t always quit our jobs because of financial situations or convenience. I, for one, am unable to because I don’t have a car and not a lot of skills outside of my related job field. Good luck, everyone. Feel free to add your own tips.

[arielmagicesi]

Hi, sorry. So I am new to the st/efvater world, and I've only read one of her books (raven boys), and like I see you posting stuff about her a lot, but only like little bits and pieces, and I feel like I'm missing something and don't understand what's going on cause I'm not really in the fandom; I've just read one book, and don't really know anything about her. I'm sorry, this is rambling mess, but if you could enlighten me a little bit I would appreciate it.

OK I took a while to respond and I’m gonna try to be objective and polite but there isn’t a whole lot of objective politeness in this soul of mine, but I will try.

Maggie St/efvater (I only spell it that way so it doesn’t show up in her tag and annoy people, I’ll just call her Maggie for the rest of this post) is this fairly popular YA author, and she wrote the Wolves of Mercy Falls series, the Scorpio Races, and the Raven Cycle. Her writing is very good (I have some bones to pick about it as a writer but mostly it’s pretty good) and the Raven Cycle in particular has gained a big fandom because it’s an excellent series. I guess you would know cause you’ve read TRB- the concept is unique, it has cool magic stuff, there’s fascinating character concepts, and the teenagers do a lot of realistic teenager stuff like being annoying and cursing and either doing their homework or not, etc. And if I haven’t made it abundantly clear with my posts, a lot of us in the fandom fell in love with the main characters for many reasons, but especially because they represent parts of ourselves that aren’t often represented. Abuse victims who don’t react in a Good Abuse Victim way, poor teenagers who scrape and claw to get out of their shitty towns, mentally ill kids who have ugly unpleasant symptoms, girls who are feminists but whose feminism is a little messy because they grow up in a terrible small town, etc.

Unfortunately, the development of the Raven Cycle fandom online, like the development of ANY goddamn fandom on the accursed Internet, led to some gross pockets of fandom. In the second book, an abusive character called Ka/vinsky shows up, and some heavy subtext suggests that he’s gay and into one of the main characters, Ronan. He’s absolutely awful and monstrous to Ronan and the others, but you know how fandom is, they started shipping it and being like “Ka/vinsky’s just a misunderstood cinnamon roll uwu” and generally being the worst about it. Additionally, some parts of fandom started hating on the two lower-class characters, Adam and Blue, for not always being sweet and nice about the class privilege of all their wealthy friends, and for reacting "badly” to literal abuse and sexism.  so the fandom is a mess, yeah

In the second and third books, also, (spoiler alert I guess? I mean if you follow my blog you can’t avoid knowing this haha) it’s suggested and then made all but direct canon, that Ronan is gay and has a crush on Adam. So, like, everyone shipped it because they’re a great ship and it was pretty obvious it was gonna be made canon in book four.

But Maggie interacts a lot with the fandom online, and obviously the clashing of fandom issues like this with any author would lead to some mess, but the way she treated it was....... terrible. She would make jokes about Ronan being Gansey’s “dog” and things like that. She milked the whole “writing a gay character” thing for all it was worth, and would never really say “hey, Adam and Ronan are a romantic thing” but would hint at it constantly, which, if you don’t know, is agonizing to watch when you’re desperate for any representation of your identity. She eventually said “I realize you guys are used to being baited, so don’t worry, the ‘other kiss’ will be between the people you hope it’ll be between” or something like that. And she would talk about Ronan being gay, but never address whether Adam was bi, and god forbid those words were used in the books. In the fourth book, although they do actually kiss and presumably get together, they don’t talk about it, and they never use the words “gay” or “bisexual.” Her excuse was that she’s writing for a world without labels. Leaving aside that that’s bullshit and a straight* woman doesn’t get to say that when we are out here in a homophobic world and saying our labels out loud is a sign of pride, she actually didn’t write a world without labels. The aforementioned Ka/vinsky is constantly using homophobic slurs to describe Ronan, boys at the private school make homophobic jokes, Adam’s dad makes lowkey homophobic remarks, etc. So labels are OK if they’re nasty and negative and used against you, but you’re never allowed to say who you are out loud.

When she gets called out on this whole mess- or a number of other things**- her response is to block people, tell people “if you are hostile one more time you’ll be blocked,” to reply to private posts by teenagers, to sic her army of clueless fans on young LGBT mentally ill readers, to claim that she’s being bullied and attacked, to make vague posts talking about “callout culture” and how it’s mature to avoid “discourse,” etc. I talked a while back about how I’ve made several fully thought-out posts critiquing her, but when I sent her a polite ask about her next book, she replied linking me to one of my own joke posts about “hating” her, making it clear that she apparently has me down on some sort of list of haters or something. And at least she responded privately, so that her other fans didn’t attack me, which has happened to other younger fans before.

She claims to be an ally, but she only really wants the ally points. She’ll talk your ear off about how brave she is for “writing an on-page queer relationship” as a straight woman, but when actual queer teenagers critique her for the way she writes it, she throws a fit and absolutely refuses to listen. She doesn’t want to do the work.

Additionally, she is writing a follow-up series called “the dreamer trilogy” which she drops constant hints about on her social media. It will center on Ronan (naturally, because she’s admitted Ronan is her self-insert and has butchered his character development for the sake of giving him a life identical to hers and fulfilling her fantasies of driving fast cars 24/7 and being an asshole with no consequences) and she’s making it increasingly obvious that none of the other characters we all fell in love with will feature at all. And basically any plotllines we enjoyed, she scraps (often out of spite?), and any plotlines we hate, she makes sure to write tons about (I’m talking about the magical artifact community. No one cares. We started reading for the house of psychics and Glendower and Gwenllian, not the fucking Greenmantles and their haunted doll babies or whatever).

The fandom obviously responded with like “ooh! more Pynch!” because like, fandoms like ships, but ALSO BECAUSE some of us are goddamn LGBT teenagers who are starving for representation and we want to see that “on page queer relationship” she brags about. And yet, at every opportunity, she makes remarks like, “This won’t be a romance. It won’t be the cuddle trilogy. It won’t have relationship drama, that doesn’t interest me. It won’t be fanservice. It won’t be lovey dovey, it won’t be cute, etc.” No, I don’t want fanservice or drama or the cuddle trilogy. But given her history, when Maggie says shit like that, I get worried, as someone who’s been baited a thousand times before. Doesn’t anyone see how awful it is to dangle representation like this? To say “ooh, look, someone who has the same identity as you? Juuuust kidding I’m not writing about it?” She can’t just say what we want to hear, which is “Adam will be there. I’ll say the word gay. I’ll say the word bisexual. Their relationship will be treated as real as Blue and Gansey’s or as any other relationship I write. Not the main focus of the plot, but THERE.” Because she’s not GOING to do any of those things, because writing actual gay relationships makes her uncomfortable. But she can’t say that or she’ll lose her sales.

And when she says all this bullshit about “I won’t write a romance” she gets so much FUCKING praise from her straight readers who think she’s the sun and fucking stars because their shit brand of feminism thinks all romances are equal and romance is insipid drivel and that a feminist book, apparently, is one token white girl who has a pink switchblade being sort-of in the background of a bunch of rich boys fucking around. I’m not saying I didn’t like that very book and that I don’t love that girl and her switchblade, but Maggie has to actually LEARN and IMPROVE and not go backwards. If she wants all this credit for gay representation, she has to actually write gay representation. And if not, I’m not congratulating her for “not writing relationship drama!!!!” because all that says to me is “yuck, I’m not writing gay stuff.” She says “relationship drama doesn’t interest me” and yet she wrote pages upon pages of Blue’s mother making out with a hit man. Relationship drama sure does seem to interest her. This isn’t her taking a Stand against romance, it’s her finding a way to make homophobia seem cool and progressive.

So yeah. That’s why she pisses me off.

*I know I know, “she’s never said her sexuality! How can you call her straight?” On the off chance she’s bisexual (she’s married to a man with kids), that doesn’t excuse her homophobic bullshit. She’s acting like an asshole straight person so yeah I’m gonna call her straight.

**Here are some other problems she’s been called out for and her bullshit reactions:

-Blue is basically the only female character and has no female friends or anything. Maggie says “well none of them had friends!” OK so why isn’t there another girl in the group? Why is her family the only other women who have page time besides villains and other relatives of main characters?

-Gansey gives Adam a lot of grief for not being fond of Gansey’s wealth, but Adam never makes Gansey apologize for blaming Adam for the abuse he endured? Maggie doesn’t have a comment on this, I don’t think.

-In book four, Ronan and Adam make racist jokes at the expense of the One (1) character of color, Henry Cheng. Maggie didn’t address this outright because “spoilers” but made a post about it saying that it wasn’t meant to be a racist joke, it was a throwback to some random joke from book one, and any good reader would know that.

-Blue isn’t a very intersectional feminist, which is fine, but it’s never really addressed, apparently because “all the characters are damn fools!” Who never get any character development except for Adam whose development essentially consists of “I stopped being prejudiced against the rich!” (and lots of other personal things but still)

Yeah, that’s about all I can think of. This didn’t end up being very neutral but I have class in 10 minutes and yeah this is hella long I just wanted to get it all out. I hope I don’t get shit for this, but you know what, anons? Go ahead, send me stuff saying I’m a nasty bitch and should stay away from fandom for criticizing poor Maggie. I don’t even care.

OH AND THEBROKENBREAKINGSEAS: THANK YOU FOR YOUR QUESTION. I know I answered in a horrifically mean tone but that ISN’T directed towards you, you were just asking! Don’t take my words at face value, I’m super biased. If you’re interested, you can go read Maggie’s blog and Twitter account, or other fans’ essays on this, etc. I’m glad you asked! And thanks for still following me after all this stuff haha. I’m normally... nicer? I think? Thanks again.

[shaddxo]

Personal research.

The effect of insensitive language on Instagram.

Group dynamics in real life.

Language and communication is a big aspect on the social media platform Instagram. There is a lot of controversy with regards to control. Many hateful comments slip through but there is also difficulty with expressing yourself. Since the social media platform is so big, there is a bigger area to reach. Most people do not think about this when they are posting something. Especially for celebrities and A-listers, the comments under a picture can be extreme. Many people respond to not only the picture but also comments that other people have made, often resulting in hateful or insensitive language. Some people say that everyone is too sensitive and can’t handle a joke or that women should accept jokes and not be so feminist.

A group may disagree within itself as to what is acceptable and what is not. Many seemingly inoffensive terms develop negative meanings over time and become dated or go out of style as awareness changes. A "within the group" rule often applies, which allows a member of a group to use terms freely that would be considered offensive if used by a non-member of the group.

What is considered acceptable shifts constantly as people become more aware of language and its power. The rapid changes of the last few decades have left many people puzzled and afraid of unintentionally insulting someone. At the same time, these changes have angered others, who criticize what they see as extremes of ‘political correctness’ in rules that alter language to the point of confusing, even destroying, its meaning. The neglect of traditional usages has also upset many people. It is true that some are more extreme attempts to avoid offending language. It is also true that heightened sensitivity in language is a statement of respect, implies accuracy of thought, and is a positive move toward correcting the unequal social status between one group and another.

What are examples of insensitive language on Instagram?

Sexism

Sexism is the most difficult subject to avoid, in part because of the agreement of using man or men and he or his to refer to people of either sex. Other, more disrespectful principles include giving descriptions of women in terms of age and appearance while describing men in terms of accomplishment.

Sexual Orientation

The term homosexual to describe a man or woman is increasingly replaced by the terms gay for men and lesbian for women. Homosexual as a noun is sometimes used only in reference to a male. Among homosexuals, certain terms (such as queer and dyke) that are usually considered offensive have been gaining currency in recent years. However, it is still prudent to avoid these terms in standard contexts.

Avoiding Depersonalization of Persons with Disabilities or Illnesses Terminology that emphasizes the person rather than the disability is generally preferred. Handicap is used to refer to the environmental barrier that affects the person. (Stairs handicap a person who uses a wheelchair.) While words such as crazy, demented, and insane are used in facetious or informal contexts, these terms are not used to describe people with clinical diagnoses of mental illness. The synonyms argued, differently abled, and special are preferred by some people, but are often ridiculed and are best avoided.

What is insensitive language?

Language isn’t correct or incorrect, it’s a range from violent to freedom. Language is not about being correct or avoiding offense. It’s about creating the opportunity for perspectives that have historically been silenced to shine. It’s about empowerment, and agency, and collective care. It’s about liberation.

The idea that avoiding “offending” people is the primary goal of sensitive language is inherently minimizing—it automatically calls up the idea that being offended is a result of being either overcritical or oversensitive, nothing more. It also squarely puts the burden of how language is experienced on the people who are hearing or reading it. It says that if you are offended by particular language, it’s your fault, not the speaker or author’s.

Focusing on offense does not allow for the possibility that a person could be negatively impacted by careless or hostile language. The worst thing they can experience is being offended. Everything about this line of reasoning is rude in nature. The solution for “being offended” is not for responsibility to be taken by the person who caused the offense, it’s for the listening or reader to simply stop being offended: “toughen up,” recognize that no offense was intended, “grow up.” Whenever someone is called out for using sexist language, the first line of defense is always “but it was just a joke”.

So if someone asks two women, “So, who’s the man in your relationship?” those words build on a century of oppressive language that has kept non-heterosexual people downgraded. The two women might react with anger, frustration, tears or silence. Are they offended? Sure, but that’s not the point. The point is they’ve been hurt, and their pain has deep roots.

Perhaps the person didn’t mean to hurt anyone. After all, many people who ask that question are trying to be insulting, but many others are genuinely curious and have no idea how gender roles play out in same-sex relationships.

With regards to insensitive language, I have had many experiences. I often feel offended myself, I am a very sensitive person and can be offended really easily. Not with regards to sexism but mostly with the way that a person talks to me. Their words or sentences may not be meant insensitive but to me it can sound harsh or direct. If someone answers my question in a harsh matter, I can wonder about this all day and try to figure out the reason for this. With this being said, I am also a person that regularly makes mistakes and usually accidently hurt someone with my remarks. If I make a joke that is not suitable or a question that is misplaces, I definitely get a offended reaction back. This is why I know that I think faster than that I speak. My mind has already made a remark and said it while afterwards I am shocked myself.

Why are these comments even made?

Given so many people loudly object to offensive language, why do people continue to speak this way?

There is a research a women undertook with her colleague: 

’’In a study I undertook with a colleague, we asked men to select a joke from a series of pairs that included a clearly sexist joke (such as, “What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side”) and a joke that was not specifically offensive to women (such as, “Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they’re shellfish”).

The male participants believe they were interacting over a computer with two other students, one male and one female. In reality, the students they were interacting with were computer-generated, and we altered the reactions these fake peers had to the sexist jokes to see if this influenced how many sexist jokes the participants would choose to send.

The male participants were not influenced by whether or not a woman objected to sexist jokes. They were, however, highly sensitive to how they thought another man would react to them, reducing their use of sexist jokes if they thought a man would be object.

What these results show is these jokes appear to have a “male bonding” function – that, primarily, men make such jokes typically to impress other men. Other research has suggested a similar function for homophobic slurs.

Most likely, making jokes about women or using homophobic slurs work to enhance (straight) male bonding because women and gay men represent the “other”; they are what social psychologists refer to as “out-groups” relative to a heterosexual male “in-group”.’’

Result:

These results surprised me very much actually. I did think that people are ‘followers’ and tend to follow up on someone’s opinion even when they think differently, but I did not think of insensitive language as a bonding tool. I usually think of insensitive language as a way of seeking attention. This research defines my opinion even more.

 The effect of insensitive language on Instagram.

 Photo-based activity on Instagram has been found as contributing to body image concerns. There are many studies that investigate the effect of number of likes accompanying Instagram images on women's own body dissatisfaction.

’’Participants in a recent studies were 220 female undergraduate students who were randomly assigned to view a set of the thin ideal or average images paired with a low or high number of likes presented in an Instagram frame. Results showed that exposure to thin-ideal images led to greater body and facial dissatisfaction than average images. While the number of likes had no effect on body dissatisfaction or appearance comparison, it had a positive effect on facial dissatisfaction. These effects were not moderated by Instagram’s involvement, but greater investment in Instagram’s likes was associated with more appearance comparison and facial dissatisfaction. The results demonstrate how the outstandingly social aspects of social media such as likes can affect someone’s body image.’’

Among young people, the rates of anxiety and depression have escalated rapidly over the past 25 years, increasing by 70 percent. Researchers have reason to believe social media has played a part in this increase. Heavy social media users have been found to report poor mental health. While all social networks appear to have a negative impact on users’ body image, body image issues are particularly frequent on Instagram, which is said to be used mainly by women and has a younger age demographic, 90 percent of Instagram users are under 35. Photos uploaded to Instagram present an unrealistic perfect image, as countless photos are thoroughly chosen and photoshopped to hide any flaws.

This is not only with regards to only likes or only women. Positive appearance comments on Instagram photos lead to greater body dissatisfaction. These comments can negatively impact body image and sleep, increases bullying, “FOMO” (fear of missing out), and leads to greater feelings of anxiety, depression, and loneliness. The positive effects of Instagram can be self-expression, self-identity, community building, and emotional support. Although many people love the app and see no harm. There is a very big hidden world. Celebrities or influencers are sharing their opinion more then ever. Many feel depressed, lonely or insecure. Their life is not as picture perfect as it seems to be. They feel left out (FOMO) when they cannot attend a party and many teenagers relate to this. Though there's nothing essentially dangerous about Instagram, the main scares are mean behavior among peers, inappropriate photos or videos that can hurt a teen's reputation or attract the wrong kind of attention, overuse, and of course, privacy.

I notice this behavior and actually relate to it myself. I, fortunately, do not receive rude or insensitive comments but I do feel miserable or lonely more often when I use Instagram.

Thankfully now Instagram users can control who can comment on their photos and videos. They can choose to: allow comments from everyone, people they follow and those people’s followers, just the people they follow, or their followers. Instagram users can also remove comments entirely from their posts. Instagram also has controls that help you manage the content you see and determine when comments are offensive or intended to bully or harass. There are filters that automatically remove offensive words and phrases and bullying comments.

Sources:

https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/The-Effect-of-Instagram-on-Self-Esteem-and-Life-Dion/5b94ce76bd38768e5d406faca4c16ae34ab5dd49

 https://www.hffmcsd.org/site/handlers/filedownload.ashx?moduleinstanceid=211&dataid=868&FileName=avoiding%20insensitive%20and%20offensive%20language1.pdf

 https://radicalcopyeditor.com/2016/10/24/part-5-put-political-correctness-back-where-it-belongs/

 https://theconversation.com/its-just-a-joke-the-subtle-effects-of-offensive-language-62440

 https://www.researchgate.net/publication/326580674_The_effect_of_Instagram_likes_on_women's_social_comparison_and_body_dissatisfaction

 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1740144518301360

 https://www.psychalive.org/worst-mental-health-instagram-facebook-youtube/

[psychotherapyconsultants]

When Your Teen is Struggling with Anxiety

Since she was 10 years old, Sophie Riegel felt like something was off. “My friends all seemed so carefree. And I had the weight of the world holding me down.”

Riegel writes these words in her beautiful, invaluable new book, Don’t Tell Me to Relax: One Teens’ Journey to Survive Anxiety (And How You Can Too).

Shortly after, in middle school, Riegel was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), trichotillomania, generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder.

As a parent, you also think that something is off with your teen. They haven’t said anything, but you can feel the difference in their demeanor or behavior.

Maybe your teen has become more avoidant, and refuses to participate in activities they usually enjoy. Maybe they’re having stomach pain, nausea, headaches and/or heart palpitations, which aren’t related to a medical issue. According to OCD and anxiety specialist Natasha Daniels, LCSW, these could be signs that your teen is struggling with anxiety.*

Maybe your teen has told you directly that they’re struggling. Either way, you’re not sure what to do. These tips can help. 

Don’t be dismissive. When trying to support your teen, you might unwittingly minimize and dismiss their struggles, which can create distance and disconnection.

“When we as parents try to normalize a teen’s anxiety, they may get the message that we don’t understand. This can shut down any further openness about their true struggles,” said Daniels, author of Anxiety Sucks: A Teen Survival Guide.

In Don’t Tell Me to Relax, Riegel (and her mom) share examples of what not to say to your teen:

“Maybe this is just a phase.”

“Just smile” (“This is the equivalent of telling someone who just got shot to put on a bandage.”)

“In a few days, you won’t even remember this.”

“You always get over this. You are fine.”

“You just need to get out more. Maybe if you exercise more, you will feel better.”

“You are overreacting.”

“Do you know how bad you make me feel when you won’t talk to me?” 

“There is nothing to worry about.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Relax.”

Daniels stressed the importance of validating your teen’s experience and empathizing with how hard it must be. Below are examples of what is helpful to say from Riegel’s book: 

“Is there something that I am doing that is contributing to your feeling this way?” (“This is a great alternative to ‘What am I doing wrong? I didn’t raise you to be mentally ill,’ or ‘Why are you so screwed up? Was it something I did?’”)

“I’m here for you.”

“I don’t understand what you are going through, but I would love to hear how you are feeling. Maybe we could learn about this together.”

Empower your teen to problem solve. Perspective is key in helping teens reduce their anxiety (and knowing how to problem solve is a critical lifelong skill). But “instead of telling your teen why they should think differently, ask them questions like, ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ and ‘If that happened what could you do?’” said Daniels. She noted that this is important to do when your child isn’t in a state of panic.

Share valuable resources. Let your teen know that there are many ways to effectively navigate and reduce their anxiety. This includes seeing a therapist, attending group therapy, taking online courses and reading books about anxiety, Daniels said.

In addition to Anxiety Sucks, she recommended Lisa Schab’s The Anxiety Workbook for Teens. Daniels offers an online class for teens (and adults) with social anxiety called Crush Social Anxiety. She noted that CBT School by Kimberley Quinlan also is a great resource.

Involve your teen in the decision-making process. “If you make all the decisions for [your teen] or force them to seek help, they’ll be closed off and resentful,” Daniels said. “And even the best therapist will have a hard time making progress with an angry teen.”

A better approach, she said, is to tell your teen that it’s critical to “build their skills and get help in some capacity.” Then “offer them several books, several classes and several therapists and have them choose which will work best for them.”

Today, Riegel is a high school senior. She still experiences anxiety before taking a test, speaking and doing interviews, but it’s not as debilitating. Her panic attacks also have decreased.

When her anxiety is at its peak, she can’t feel her legs, and therefore can’t walk. She feels like she’s “in a fog,” and her “mind goes blank.” Her hands “go numb,” and her “tongue feels like it’s swelling,” which makes her slur her words. However, the difference is that now she knows what to do.

Riegel has “an amazing support system,” which includes her parents and twin brother. She attends therapy several times a month. She takes medication and regularly checks in with her psychiatrist. She works out, and cares for her rescue dog, Nash—which has been especially transformative.

“Getting Nash changed my life. Having her near me keeps me grounded. [Caring for her] is a responsibility that I take very seriously and makes me realize that my worries aren’t my biggest priority. Nash and I walk together when I feel anxious. She cuddles up next to me when I panic, reminding me that I am not alone. Nash doesn’t let me ruminate or obsess, as she is always distracting me with her needs.”

When Riegel was in middle school, she gave a presentation about OCD to her class because she wanted mental illness to be taken seriously. “But it only made things worse. I was still bullied, and my mental health started to deteriorate.”

However, years later, a fellow student reached out to Riegel to tell her that because of that presentation, she started going to therapy. This helped Riegel realize that being open about her mental illness could help others feel less alone and seek help, which inspired her to write her book.

“I am living, breathing proof that it is possible to have an anxiety disorder and be successful,” Riegel said. “I am successful not despite having a mental illness, but because of it.”

Riegel uses her anxiety as fuel to accomplish her goals. She’s a straight-A student, All-American athlete, and the president of the board of directors of Here.Now., a Jewish mental health advocacy organization. She’s attending Duke University in the fall.

Riegel said that her anxiety has made her a much better listener and friend. She’s learned what helps her when she’s feeling anxious, and she tries to do the same for others.

Riegel understands that her anxiety doesn’t define her, but “it is important. Without my mental illness, I wouldn’t be who I am today. If I could go back in time and prevent my mental illness, I wouldn’t.”

Help your teen learn to manage their anxiety and channel it. Teach them to empower themselves. They’ll be better for it.

*These are other signs of anxiety in teens.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-your-teen-is-struggling-with-anxiety/

[greyheartedmoon]

Things I believe in

Ghosts Magic An all-powerful and omnipotent deity The right to religious freedom for all people, nations and parties (I celebrate the Jewish, Muslim, and Pagan communities, for example! I love you guys!) Reading good books (I really love fiction….? Wilkie Collins, Makepeace Thackeray, Deborah Harkness, Holly Black, Diana Galbadon, Jim Butcher, and so many more) That there is absolutely NO form of acceptable assault – not only in the stereotypical ‘lone woman in an alley’ form (don’t get me wrong! That is awful!), but also the casual kind: mocking a Trans individual at a bar, touching African American women’s hair and calling it ‘soft’ (tip: its fucking hair??? What were you expecting???), yelling slurs at a Muslim man in the street, etc. [I use ‘African American’ because I happen to live in America; no offense intended to African-Europeans etc. I don’t mean to imply, either, that some forms of assault are worse than others] Kittens are pretty adorable Treating members of the service community like garbage is unacceptable; they are human beings and they are providing a necessary service to society 1. Racism is very real and it definitely still exists – if you say otherwise, you are part of the problem, whether that denial is born of ignorance, stubbornness, or actual bigoted behavior(s) 2. Misogyny is very real, and it definitely still exists 3. White men DO have privilege – so do white women, if not in the same way 4. Rape Culture is a very real thing 5. Sexism is a very real thing 6. Hate Crimes are a very real thing 7. Male sexual assault is a very real thing If you denied 1-7, YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM. I’m white as you can get, and it’s only by paying attention to the people around me that I’m slowly realizing this. Staying silent is staying ignorant; I want to learn. If I ever say something that offends you, please let me know. Social mores and/or other accepted behavior, if it leads to stereotyping and stigmas, should not be tolerated. Special star to assuming African Americans are criminals/poor and insulting the mentally handicapped – those just happen to be common in the city where I live, which is why I bring them up. Assumptions, when proven incorrect, should be let go. People can lose arguments, but few will admit it – that is a problem. You need to know when you are wrong, because there’s so much more to life than being right. Part of that is growth. If you do win an argument, accept it with grace. Let people finish their freaking sentences!! If you only heard 2/3s of my sentence and you tell me I’m wrong, you thought it before I opened my mouth. Big problem. Gentlemen, I am thinking especially of you…. It’s a thing. If you don’t believe me, I ask that you go to a public space and pay attention to a conversation with men and women. Notice how often the women get to finish their sentences. It’s even worse in work places. Feminism doesn’t mean hating men (though, like any social group, there are extremists who may promote such inexcusable behavior), but rather an equality for all gender groups [the well-known comparison is men and women] Prejudice is unacceptable: against people with mental illness, against people with tattoos/facial piercings, telling all young people they should just accept things, telling all elderly folks that they’re all the same…. Things like that. They’re born of learned behavior. You should know better. Challenge what you see, people, or you become part of the problem. Finger-pointing solves nothing, no matter how tempting it may actually be – try statements like ‘I am part of the problem’ rather than ‘Well, if you >[political party slurs]< hadn’t >thing<…!’ Bees deserve our protection, and they’re being ignored. Some, if not most, of the media walks a very perilous line. I won’t use the word “corrupt”, but I will say there are very potent holes in some stories, and that their attempts at editing content/story picking definitely upsets me. (This is only from my experience; I don’t mean to vilify anyone.) Unlike people who falsely offer aid and support, I mean it when I tell people my door is open. I want to listen to you. I do want to help. Message me, anonymously if you must. Not only for emotional conflictions, either. Feeling lonely, guilty, angry or sad? Struggling with self-harm? Working on a new book? Did you finish a bomb-ass painting? Did you get cast in a play? Hear a funny joke? I want to hear from you. I would legitimately, absolutely, love to hear from you. Please, please hit me up. I’m not a doctor, true…. But you are not alone. Minimum wage is not livable. If you live on MW, you are not living in most cases, but simply enduring. I make 12.00/h (when MW is 7.25/h), and I’m barely getting by right now. (I’m also supporting two people and paying more than half of the bills, as well as most of our share of rent)(Just to put that in perspective for you) It’s okay to have unpopular opinions. Just… pay attention that you don’t let that unpopular opinion warp you into a nasty person. Seriously, it’s a hard thing; I’m just learning it myself. Standing Rock did not deserve to be manipulated like it was, and this pipeline is an inexcusable and poor choice. Mental illness is hard to live with, but harder to live with if you don’t take care of it properly. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have emotional support or the odd mental health day, but I am saying that you still have to take accountability for your behavior. Americans should have free healthcare, and, unless we can get Democrats and Republicans to work together, we aren’t going to get it. I’m also going to throw in that the COST of most medications and doctor visits is ASTRONOMICALLY overpriced. Shame on you; I shouldn’t have to skip meals to see my doctor. College should be free. It is an achievable goal, but it has been swallowed and stomped on – mostly by sheer human greed. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you don’t want to do something, don’t agree to do it. It isn’t only yourself that you hurt by failing to do these things. Basic propriety is, sadly, going to hell – I very rarely hear ‘thank you’, or ‘you’re welcome’, or ‘good morning’. Guys…. This stuff is important. So important… and if we don’t start showing each other respect, it’s only going to get worse. Women’s bodies should not be controlled by men’s votes. (Say it with me: PLANNED PARENTHOOD DOES SO MUCH MORE THAN ABORTIONS!!!) Further, women do have a right to an abortion. There is not an equal distribution of wealth in this country. Men and women who have great money… don’t share it. They can drive a car worth more than I make in a year, but some don’t know the names of their butlers, don’t care if they take care of their employees. That is a problem. That is what leads to revolutions –and that’s where our country is slowly heading. If you use racial slurs or hate speech, I consider you a horrible person. There is no such thing as a funny joke that marginalizes a sex, gender, race or religion. If you abuse children, your partner, animals, or anyone else, I also consider you a horrible person. If you use your religion, whatever that might be, to excuse telling other people they are unworthy/they are going to Hell, I consider you a horrible person. Protesters do not deserve to be shot or run down in the streets. However, Protesters should not be destroying public property. Irresponsible and stupid behavior such as this actually harms the validity behind the cause you’re choosing to fight for, and you should expect more from yourselves. Only cowards run away from an argument – especially if they recognize they cannot win it. Whether or not you are vegan or vegetarian, respect the rights of others to choose. By all means, offer the relevant information if it comes up… but vilifying people, judging people, is not your job. It is not my job. Being disrespectful doesn’t make you edgy. It makes you look graceless and weak, to say nothing of the wincing we do as you slowly lose your dignity. Know better. Not everyone is trying to attack you. If they are, you prove them right with such behavior and I am very disappointed in you. Questioning a group is one thing. Calling them all corrupt is another entirely – this does not only include groups who suffer from hate, but also things like the US Government.