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damn-behzinga · 4 years ago

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Falling On The Battle Field

Ethan Payne Centric

Part two of Losing The War Against Himself

summary - Ethan tries to take his own life, the sidemen try to cope.

warnings - attempted suicide, talks of mental health issues, angst, graphic description of violence

masterlist/request info

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED

Ethan was sat on the sofa with his friends after the video shoot. He felt his sadness push in and he wanted to escape the situation as soon as possible. He wanted this feeling to stop, he wanted everything to stop. Ethan knew he had to take control. He knew it. And so, Ethan suddenly stood up and grabbed his coat.

"Sorry boys, I've got to go." He whispered. "You know, film a video, have a bath, and whatever."

"Ethan, you've been quiet all day," Vik said as Ethan walked towards the door. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be okay." Ethan smiled softly, checking the time on his phone - 1:54 PM - quickly before pocketing it.

"Are you sure?" Simon questioned bluntly.

Ethan froze, staring the wall. He never lied to his friends, that's just how he was. Ethan was a lot of things but not a liar.

"Yeah." Ethan gulped, surprising himself when he lied. "I'm just tired."

"Okay, we were gonna do a call later for some brainstorming," Josh informed, smiling softly. Ethan nodded and left the flat after saying his goodbyes.

He rubbed his eyes before he started driving home, stopping at Tesco. He put his hood up and made his way into the store. He grabbed a basket and walked down the aisles to collect his items. He grabbed a couple of bags of sharpeners before making his way to the sweets aisle. He grabbed some packets of Haribos before making his way to the medicine aisle to grab sleeping pills. He knew that he should only buy a pack or two. He walked to the cleaning supplies and picked up a bottle of bleach and laid it in the basket.

"Oh, um, Ethan?" A small voice asked. Ethan turned and saw a girl no older than nineteen, standing shyly. "Is it all right if I can get a picture? It's cool if not."

"Yeah, that's all right." Ethan smiled. "what's your name?" He asked.

"Oh, my name is Lily." She smiled extending her phone to take a selfie. Ethan immediately posed by throwing up a 'gang' sign which made Lily laugh and do it too. "Thank you, I hope you're having a good day."

Ethan chuckled and smiled at her, "I hope yours is going well. Have you been busy?" He asked. Lily seemed surprised by his effort to make conversation but Ethan knew that this would likely be his last fan interaction and he wanted to go off with a bang.

"Um not really. Mum wanted to go out shopping and I happened to join." She smiled softly.

"It's good that you came along." Ethan smiled. "Otherwise we would never have met."

Lily giggled and her eyes flickered down to his basket and Ethan didn't fail to notice. He moved the basket so it was hiding behind his back, hoping she didn't connect the dots. Her eyebrows furrowed and she said, "I've been watching you since 2015 and I think you have been so incredible. I used to have really bad mental health problems but I have grown to love who I am. I think watching your weight loss has heavily inspired me."

Ethan swallowed thickly. "Thank you." He felt tears pool in eyes and nodded at the girl.

"It's so nice watching you and the other guys just being you. It's so relieving, especially for us lonely lot." Lily chuckled. "I think it's so nice that you have a real relationship. I can't wait to see where you lot go."

"I appreciate that." Ethan smiled. "I'm sorry. I have to go."

"Thank you for the photo." Lily smiled. "Have a nice day."

"You too." Ethan waved and made his way to the checkout. Ethan was thankful that the self-checkout existed so he didn't have to make awkward contact with the worker.

Ethan put the bag in the car and he gripped the steering wheel and let out a sob. "Fuck!" He started slapping the wheel and let out a broken sob. "I don't want to do this." He looked over at the bag and stared. He shook his head and drove home, racing to his flat.

Ethan very hastily recorded a video and tidied his room. He didn't want anyone to struggle cleaning after he was done. He threw on some shorts and his old top before making his way to his bathroom. He got a text from Charlie which immediately reminded him to let him know that it was okay for him to stay with his family longer if needed. Ethan turned the hot water up and laid down. A small sob escaped his trembling his lips. He studied the blade before pressing it against his wrist. He swallowed thickly and dug the blade into his skin.

"This is it." He muttered. He then felt tears escaped his eyes. His wrists ached as blood oozed out of it, he watched carefully when he felt nausea rise to his throat but he swallowed it away and reached for his phone. He knew all the other boys were in a group call trying to come up with new ideas. He joined the call and soon there were cheers for his arrival. Ethan was scared, he didn't want this. He hadn't said goodbye.

"Ethan, what do you think about the Cal's in another video?" Josh asked as he joined.

"Boys, boys." Ethan cried out. "I need help, I-"

"What happened?" Simon asked and the call suddenly went silent.

"I need help. I didn't mean to cut too deep. I'm gonna die." Ethan sobbed. "I need an ambulance."

"Ethan-" Harry gasped.

"It hurts so fucking bad, there's so much blood." Ethan stuttered. "I'm gonna miss you guys a lot." Ethan cried. "I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."

"Can you tell us what happened?" JJ asked.

"I just wanted it to stop." Ethan sobbed.

"No, Ethan, no, please! It's okay!" Tobi whimpered.

Ethan tried to relax his breathing but he couldn't stop the tears from escaping as he stared at his wrist.

"Ethan, what is your new video about?" Vik asked.

"Um, I tried a workout that Freezy and Lux made for me," Ethan whispered.

"Can you tell me about it?" Vik questioned.

"They made me do a shit ton of press-ups. My arms ached so bad and I couldn't do it all." Ethan chuckled weakly, his words started slurring. "I had to do a lot of squats, almost collapsed."

"How did the Cal's react?" Vik asked.

"They laughed at me," Ethan said. "I don't know why but-"

Ethan trailed of suddenly quieting.

"Ethan, are you still there?" Vik asked.

"'M tired. Wanna go to sleep." Ethan slurred, his eyelids fluttered. "I think I'm gonna sleep."

"No, c'mon Ethan. Stay with us." Harry begged. "If you wake up, I'm gonna upload something embarrassing on your channel."

"Go ahead. I don't care. Need to upload my goodbye video anyway." Ethan said.

"Goodbye video?" Tobi asked, voice high with confusion and worry.

"Made a video so I could explain it," Ethan mumbled. "Boys why is there banging at my door?"

"Ethan, hold on," Harry whispered.

"I wanna sleep."

"Don't go to sleep!"

"I'm going to sleep." Ethan's eyes fluttered shut and he dozed off.

JJ had never been properly scared. Sure, he had been nervous but he always switched it to adrenaline and made sure he saw the positive. He always knew the logic behind things and chances. He wasn't book smart but he knew how to see things to see what matters in the matter. He wasn't scared when his grandma was told she had a deadly illness, he knew the chances were low of her survival and so when she did pass, he was just happy she wasn't in pain anymore. But, JJ was terrified. His friend, by the time that he got to the flat, could be dead.

JJ ran into the flat with Simon close behind him, trying to unlock the bathroom door.

"Move back." He ordered and Simon did as he said stepping back. JJ hurried, knowing every second could count, slammed his foot on to the door. The door only shook slightly so JJ did it again, harder, a dent appeared in the door. One final kick and JJ's foot shot through the door and he fell forward slightly. He quickly pulled his foot out and fumbled with the lock and unlocked the door.

JJ surprised himself when he realised that he sprung into action and grabbed towels and pressed it against Ethan's wrist.

"Ethan, can you hear me?" Simon asked as he shakily held on to one of the wrists. JJ nodded at Ethan's chest and let out a shaky breath.

"He's breathing," JJ said. "Can you see how long the ambulance is gonna be? I'll keep ahold of these."

Simon just nodded and grabbed his phone out of his pocket and joined the group Discord call again. "Boys, we're with him now. Do you know how long they'll be?"

"Josh said they're pulling up soon," Tobi answered. As if on cue, JJ heard the doorbell. Simon sprinted to the door and guided them to the bathroom.

JJ blocked out what happened next, allowing Ethan to get rushed to hospital with no knowledge of what was going to happen. JJ and Simon arrived after the other guys and JJ collapsed into the seat and put his head in his hands. He was trying to block out Harry and Tobi's crying, he wanted to process what had just happened a mere few minutes ago. He jumped when a hand rested on his shoulder. JJ glanced up and saw Simon holding a blanket with a smile on his face.

"The receptionist said that you might want to cover that up." Simon nodded towards the blood that had spilt on to his top. JJ took the blanket before resting back. Simon sat beside him and took a deep breath.

Simon had always felt responsible when things went wrong. So, as he sat on an uncomfortable chair in the middle of the hospital, he looked back on his day and noticed everything that had happened. He imagined a scenario where Ethan hadn't resorted to taking his life. He thought about how he should've pushed more when he noticed Ethan was acting off. But he didn't. And if Ethan died, Simon knew he would never be able to get rid off that guilt.

Simon broke out of his thoughts when he heard a sob rip from Harry. He sighed and made his way over, wrapping an arm around Harry.

"He'll be okay," Simon whispered.

Harry sniffed and nodded. There had never been a major death in his family. Sure, he had the odd grandparent or uncle he never truly knew but he never felt so much sadness due to the idea of death. He was uncertain whether his friend would come out of this alive and that ruined Harry the most. He was upset that they couldn't contact Ethan sooner, he was upset that he didn't know, and he was upset that he may walk out of the hospital with the knowledge that his friendship group would shrink by one. He was so heartbroken that his friend didn't reach out and tell them how he was feeling.

Harry glanced over to Vik, who's foot was tapping anxiously as he continued to glance around.

"Vik, keep breathing," Harry muttered softly.

Vik just closed his eyes shut and ran through every event that had lead up to where they were. He tried to piece it together as if it were some puzzle that had been scattered across the floor. Why hadn't Ethan said anything? Had Vik been that bad of a friend? Did he miss all the signs? Vik's answers came up short as he desperately tried to figure out his confusion. There were so many moments where he thought Ethan was getting better. And he wondered if he had said something that had caused the final push. What were they going to tell the fans? There was so much Ethan was excited for, what were they going to do now?

Vik closed his eyes and let out a long breath when he heard muttering from Tobi beside him. Vik knew not to interrupt as Tobi prayed so he simply whispered, "Please, God."

Tobi linked his hands together, the cross of his necklace held tight between his palms as he recited a prayer and desperately tried to connect to his God. Ethan had to survive, they had got to him on time. Tobi continued whispering prayers under his breath as he waited for what he desperately wanted to be good news. He hoped his God would save the friend who was trying to leave far too soon. He was reminded of his mum who would always tell him that if you have hope, good things would come. Tobi had to remain hopeful, his God, alongside the hard-working doctors would save Ethan, he prayed they would.

Tobi looked over to Josh who was staring blankly at the floor and Tobi placed a hand on his friend's arm. "Josh. It's okay."

Josh felt disconnected to the ground. As he looked at all of his friends, he tried to remember when they all had become so close, all huddled together. He hated hospitals, it always felt like a new universe to him. As if reality had shifted as soon as he walked through the doors. It also felt strange to know that, a few rooms away, his friend, who Josh truly believed to be one of the best people he knows, laid dancing on the line of life and death. Josh didn't know how to cope and he started to go through ideas and his schedule in his head. He tried desperately to forget the reason they were there, knowing if he overthought it, he would have a panic attack or run away. He knew he couldn't forget but he was just so afraid.

"Um, the family of Ethan Payne?" The doctor asked and the boys all stood up. "He's alive and stable. We need to get blood transfusion so he has a few IVs in him at the moment. It may be scary but he's alive. I just wanted to ask a few questions? If you're in the state to answer." The men just nodded. "So he cut his wrists in a bathtub. Has he ever had suicidal tendencies before?"

"Um, he's harmed before. And he's thought about it but never-" Vik swallowed thickly. "He's never tried."

"Okay, does he see a therapist? Or used to see a therapist?" The doctor asked after jotting notes down.

"Yes," Josh answered. "He saw a therapist once a week but I don't know if he's gone in the last few weeks."

"Will he have enough money to see a therapist?" The doctor asked and the boys nodded. "Okay, you can see him now and I'll finish the questions later."

"Thank you. For saving him." Simon said quietly. "His mum lives a few hours away, we're the only other family he has."

"I'm just doing my job." The doctor smiled as he led them outside the room. "Just a warning, he's now got two scars on his wrists. They are bandaged and will stay bandaged but if you need to understand that they'll be big and not pretty. We may have to keep Ethan in for twenty-four hours but he's alive."

The doctor opened the door and the men walked in to see Ethan in bed asleep, several wires going into his arms. Harry gasped and Tobi let out a small cry.

"He won't be awake for forty-five minutes to an hour so I would recommend you maybe grab some of his stuff he'll want and some food for you all. Here's a list of things he'll be allowed." The doctor handed them a piece of paper and smiled softly. "Try not to bring anything he can hurt himself with. Any wires and whatnot, make sure you take it home with you."

"Thank you again." Tobi smiled. The doctor just nodded and left the room. The group all looked at each other and sighed.

"So should we do three of us go get his stuff and the other three go pick some food up?" JJ suggested.

"Um yeah. I'll go to his place." Tobi took a deep breath. Josh and JJ both decided to go alongside Tobi as Harry, Simon, and Vik went to the store.

The stopped at JJ and Simon's flat so JJ could change out his bloody clothes. He threw the clothes away and walked out in a hoodie instead. The three were on edge as the walked into Ethan's flat, a new feeling bubbling in their chests.

They quickly made their way to Ethan's bedroom and picked up a few of the things they know Ethan would want. His AirPods, his Switch, his laptop, and his-

"Jide, Where's his phone?" Tobi asked. JJ sucked in a breath.

"The bathroom." JJ stuttered.

"I'll go get it." Josh smiled softly, knowing how JJ would react. JJ and Tobi nodded as the continued looking for whatever they may find that Ethan would want. Tobi was searching the desk when he noticed a USB stick lying neatly next to his computer. Tobi put the USB stick in his pocket and continued looking as Josh returned with Ethan's phone.

Simon, Vik, and Harry were picking out snacks as they all thought about what Ethan would want and would help him recover. They packed up the food before quickly making their way back to the hospital, the last thing they wanted was to hear Ethan had woke up alone.

When they all re-met in Ethan's hospital room, they had a few snacks, all sat at whatever part of the small room they could find space in. After a few minutes of silence, Tobi pulled out the USB and held it out in front of him.

"Should we watch it?" He asked his friends.

"I think we should," JJ said.

"It will give us more of an insight as to why." Josh agreed.

Tobi pulled out Ethan's laptop and praised silently that he remembered Ethan's password before plugging the USB into it. The file only took a few seconds to download and Tobi opened it.

He placed the laptop in front of the friend group who was all crowded around it on the floor.

"I'm assuming if you're watching this you're looking for a why." The on-screen Ethan swallowed thickly and took a deep breath. "I am so tired. I did not give up, I promise. I battled as hard as I could, I swear. Nothing I did was good enough. I tried to make my mum proud, and the boys proud. And they always told me they were but I never felt it. I tried so hard not to try this way of ending but I realised that this was my best option. I'm not good enough."

Tobi paused the video and closed the laptop. "I can't watch this."

"Me either." Harry sighed.

"Okay, let's just-" Josh suddenly gasped. "Shit, has anyone spoke to Ruth?"

Mumbles broke out within the group and Vik hastily pulled out his phone, stepping out the room to talk to Ruth. They all felt silence wash over them as they waited for their friend to wake.

Another few minutes past, they heard groans and confused mumbles coming from Ethan. JJ ran to get the doctor as Ethan started crying, his eyes darting around as he trembled. Tobi and Josh tried to calm Ethan down, explaining that he was okay and alive. The doctor walked in with JJ and calmed Ethan down. Ethan wrapped his hand around his wrist, gritting his teeth in pain.

"Would you like some painkillers?" The doctor asked softly. And Ethan nodded as tears escaped his eyes. Ethan took the painkillers with water and the doctor said, "Open your mouth please, I need to do a cheek check."

"Why?" Ethan asked before opening his mouth.

"We need to make sure those who try to commit suicide don't store their medication in their cheeks." The doctor said before giving him the all-clear.

"Can I ask you some questions?" The doctor asked and Ethan nodded slightly. "Okay, I'm going to have to ask you six to leave the room please." The six friends nodded and turned before leaving the room.

"Okay, so, were you originally trying to commit suicide? Or was it an accident?" The doctor asked.

Ethan felt sick, tapping his fingers against his thighs. "It was originally and then I freaked out and called my friends, who I assume called an ambulance?"

"Well, it was your friends JJ and Simon who got to your flat before the paramedics. They saved your life." The doctor explained and Ethan let out a sob. "Have you tried to take your life before?"

"When I was fifteen but that was over ten years ago. Since then I've only thought about it and hurt myself." Ethan explained honestly.

"Okay. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders before?" The doctor asked.

"Um depression," Ethan answered quietly. "That's what I was diagnosed with after my first attempt."

"Anything else?" The doctor asked and Ethan shook his head. "Okay, your mum has been contacted and she is on her way in the next few hours. We need to keep you here for a day to make sure you are okay. I have lists of recommended therapists and hope you'll get better."

"Thank you." Ethan rubbed his eyes to clear his tears before the doctor welcomed his friends back in.

They all stood awkwardly before Ethan whispered a small, "Thank you. I regretted as soon as I did it."

"I thought we were going to lose you!" Harry sobbed as Ethan pulled him into a hug.

"I'm sorry, bog," Ethan muttered. "I was just so tired." His voice broke as a sob escaped.

"Please, never do that again," Simon begged.

"I felt so-" Ethan paused, trying to find the right words. "I just felt like nothing I did was good enough. I tried to fight, I did. I saw the therapist and I tried the exercises but nothing was working. So, I tried to make everything stop. It was so hard." Ethan was crying, his words slurring together as he sobbed.

The friends could only watch, their heart was breaking at the sight.

"Ethan." Josh frowned. "We are always here for you. We would do anything for you. If you ever feel like this again, please, talk to us. Or your therapist. None of us has ever been so scared in our lives."

"I'm sorry." Ethan whimpered.

"You're here now. And you are alive and breathing. That's what matters right now okay?" JJ said and Ethan nodded shakily.

"You're going to have scars," Tobi said. "And you'll probably hate them for a while but they're going to show you that you are a survivor."

"I don't know if I'll ever want to look at them again," Ethan said honestly. "And the fucking fans will comment on them. Fuck, have you told them anything?"

"Ethan, the fans can wait," Vik said. "You are far more important."

"Am I?" Ethan asked.

"Of fucking course!" JJ exclaimed.

Ethan was taken aback and just looked down at his lap.

"You're good enough, Ethan. I promise." Simon whispered.

Ethan just nodded, not fully believing the love he received from his friends. He didn't know if he ever would but as he sat in the hospital bed surrounded by his friends - his brothers - he felt relief that he had woken up in hospital rather then not woken up at all.

#ethan payne #sidemen #behzinga #ethan payne x reader #ethan payne centric #ethan payne imagine #ethan payne fanfiction #behzinga fanfiction #behzinga imagine #behzinga centric #behzinga x reader #sidemen fanfiction #sidemen imagine

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damn-behzinga · 4 years ago

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Tic Attack

Ethan Payne Centric

summary - Ethan has Tourette’s Syndrome and has a tic attack.

warnings - mentions of both verbal and physical tics which may trigger your own tics

request - Can u do an angsty ethan imagine with the rest of the sidemen, it can be about anything x

the way you write for ethan has me FERAL pls do more for him !!!!!!

Ethan truly did not hate a part of himself. He used to, back when he was overweight and in his lowest mental state. But he stopped seeing his weight as an issue when he lost it, when he exercised more. It took him a lot longer to stop being upset about his tourettes but he grew to accept them. He used to cry and scream and curse at the top of his lungs blaming his mum for making him this way. He believed he was the reason his two fathers left. He remembered sitting down with his mum at the age of twenty one and whispering, “It was never your fault.” And she had cried and apologised that she couldn’t afford him better help but he just hugged her and they comforted each other.

Ethan had been scared to tell his new internet friends about his tics. He would mute his mic whenever he felt a verbal tic and if he couldn’t mute it in time, he just came up with whatever excuse came first. He didn’t use a face cam because of his physical tics and then when he did, he cut it out and tried to repress it as much as possible.

Telling the Sidemen was hard but after he told them and they asked questions, trying to understand how things worked for Ethan. He then became more comfortable for himself and told his viewers about his tourettes syndrome. They joked about it in a way that Ethan felt comfortable with but he also had to stop streaming because they’d spam it in the chat. It was hard finding the balance but he was trying his hardest.

All the guys were sharing a hotel room when he was having one of his worst tic days. He had already got a cut on his cheek where he had hit himself a bit too hard and caught his ring. He woke up and could already tell that today was not going to make him feel good. He was walking to the main living area of their combined hotel room and he was already whistling and flapping his hands. He heard the other guys chatting happily as he suddenly tugged on his hair, let out a small clicking noise.

“Ethan, you alright fella?” Josh asked, wincing as Ethan hit his forehead again.

“I’m - chugga - I’m -” He let out a whistle. “Fine. I’m fine.”

The others realised that this was a bad day as Ethan let out a shout as he filled up a glass of water. He felt the tics building up in his body as he dropped the glass, suddenly going into a more severe tic attack, letting out yells and repeating the word ‘chug’, whilst slamming his hand on the side. The others jumped in to help, trying to move the smashed glass away from Ethan so he didn’t hurt himself. He let out a yell as his hand smacked his previous cut. He felt tears leak from his eyes, as his throat closed up. He felt breathless as the words continued to escape his mouth. He thanked that his tics allowed Josh and JJ to guide him to the sofa to lay him down. He continued making noises as his throat went raw. He sucked in a deep breath as his arms continued thrashing. He threw his arm out shortly followed by his legs kicking out. He smacked his head another few times.

The guys cleaned up as JJ and Josh stayed with him as his tic attack continued. Once they cleaned up, they left the room, giving the three of them privacy so Ethan didn’t feel as panicked. Ethan continued to tic for another thirty minutes before he slowly started calming down. His head ached from the amount of head jerking and there were two new bruises forming on his head from how he had smacked and punched himself. His throat felt dry and he was breathless from the vocal tics that had forced themselves out. He let out some tears as his tics slowed back to the average pace. Josh and JJ smiled sadly at him before offering some food and a bottle of water. They passed him his squishy ball to help the hand tics and a neck pillow as he continued to jerk his head and let out soft whines and noises.

“‘M sorry.” Ethan whispered after ten minutes.

“It’s okay, you’re okay.” Josh said.

“Bro, it’s alright.” JJ commented. “Did you not realise the attack would happen?”

“I knew - chugga - I knew it would be bad but not this bad.” Ethan explained.

“Wanna see the other guys?” Josh asked and Ethan nodded, letting out a low whistle. A moment passed and the other guys were walking in, smiles on their faces with plans of distraction in line for Ethan.

“Someone looks like they could use a hug!” Harry opened his arms and laid beside his mate, who immediately engulfed him.

“We managed to figure out how to connect our Netflix to the TVs so we’re thinking about a movie.” Simon said.

“It really wasn’t hard but with those three, it was ten times more difficult to sort out.” Vik rolled his eyes as Simon let out an annoyed scoff. Tobi just sat beside him and let out a sigh.

“This is what I had to deal with.” He commented and immediately it started a quiet debate between the group as Ethan settled into the cuddle and tried to get comfortable despite his tics.

His tics were noises and aggressive movements. His tics were excessive blinks. His tourettes syndrome was a lot of tears and pain but it was also laughs and smiles with his best friends. Ethan had learnt through trials and tribulations that he was not defined by his tourette's syndrome.

#sidemen #sdmn #ethan payne oneshot #ethan payne #ethan payne centric #behzinga fanfiction #behzinga centic #sidemen centric

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damn-behzinga · 4 years ago

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Jordyn's Drabbles - Born This Way

Simon Minter (Miniminter) & Ethan Payne (Behzinga) Drabble

summary - The Sidemen do a photoshoot where they say their biggest insecurities.

warnings - insecurities, mentions of depression

a/n - inspired by Glee's performance of Born This Way

The sidemen had to do a shoot dedicated to the Young Minds charity where they wore a white shirt with black writing with their insecurities on it. They invited a lot of their friends along to help. It was to raise awareness of the stigma of men's mental health and how even the people who are deemed happy in every video, have something that makes them insecure.

They decided that for the first part of the shoot everyone was going to show each other. Simon was a ball of nervous energy, talking with all the friends that had shown up and trying to act like this wasn't the most nervous he had been ever. He chuckled as he talked to Callux and Will who were both joking about how the fans were going to react.

When talking to Freezy, Alex, and Jordz, Simon noticed how positive most of their friends were reacting. Sure, everyone was worried but most of them were talking about how this was going to impact their audiences.

Simon played with his zip nervously as the were called to the backdrop. He gulped and took his position next to Josh and Vik.

When the photographer clapped, the seven friends each took off their jackets and turned to show each other what they said.

Simon felt bad when he realised that that majority of the sidemen were wearing less deep shirts. JJ's said his forehead, Vik said not funny, Tobi's said procrastination, Harry said his laugh and Josh said how he's an overthinker.

Simon turned to look at Ethan, who's top simply said 'Depressed'. Simon felt a weight lift off his shoulders as he showed his, 'Not good enough'. The two of them immediately engulfed each other, finding comfort in their presence. Yeah, their insecurities were on the internet permantaly but they found a comfort in one and other.

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damn-behzinga · 5 years ago

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Losing The War Against Himself

Ethan Payne (Behzinga) Centric

summary - Ethan is losing the war of depression but other soldiers are going to fight beside him and help him win

warnings - depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts, angst, panic attacks, swearing, my terrible writing

masterlist and request info

Sometimes, Ethan didn't want to talk about his weight loss. Sometimes, Ethan looked in the mirror and still felt disgusting and fat. He would feel terrible about himself and work out more and eat less, trying to get rid of the fattiness he felt but couldn't see.

The other sidemen knew that something was off with Ethan on these days but since he hadn't told them, they remained in the dark and confused about the situation.

Ethan was pretty open about how he looked up to the other sidemen and their lifestyle, especially JJ. JJ who was so strong and fit, who looked like how Ethan could only dream of.

Ethan just stood in front of the mirror and cried, he felt so disgusting, every way he looked at himself, he looked distorted. Ethan wanted to vomit when he looked at himself, ignoring all progress he made from the last two years, only seeing himself as the fat man he knew from before.

Ethan dried his tears, there's no way in Hell he would let his friends see him like that. So weak and sensitive. And so, to stop them from seeing him in any way that showed weakness, Ethan slowly went back into his shell, becoming a shell of their best friend. The sidemen were confused to put it simply and hurt. They had spent months getting Ethan to open up to them and all of a sudden he went back into that shell. The last time he felt like that was in 2015 and they did not want to go back down that route again.

Ethan's habits worsened. He'd show up for shoots, complete them and then leave. If it was an all-day shoot then he'd arrive on time and leave during his breaks, even if it was just for a walk around the block. He would go out of his way to avoid his friends, hardly interacting with them and not commenting on much during filming. He was like a zombie. His friends knew they had to find out what was wrong and helped him before it was too late.

Ethan was at his flat when the guys came over to confront him. He was simply lying in bed, not having the energy to get up or do anything productive. The men knocked on the door but Ethan didn't answer, too lost in his head. Ethan had given them all a spare key when he first moved so Tobi used it and they all entered the flat, searching for their friend.

"Ethan?" Simon called lightly, looking around the living room. When the men came up empty, Tobi nodded towards Ethan's door and so the group stood at the doorway and saw their best friend in bed.

"Go away, lads." Ethan's voice was hoarse from the lack of use but the emptiness was evident.

"We can't leave you alone like this," Josh said softly making his way through the messy room.

"Where's Charlie?" Tobi asked, noting Ethan's missing roommate.

"He moved out with his girlfriend," Ethan muttered. "He left, why can't you?"

"Because we're worried about you man," JJ answered honestly, his voice rarely soft.

"You don't have to be. I'm not worth your time." Ethan argued weakly.

"Ethan, when was the last time you showered?" Vik asked.

"I don't know. After the last shoot, I suppose." Ethan shrugged.

The friends exchanged looks, that was five days ago.

"When was the last time you ate a proper meal?" Harry questioned.

"I don't know," Ethan answered. "What does it matter guys? I'm still the fat kid I'm losing some weight now at least."

Both Simon and Tobi flinched at Ethan's words.

"Okay," Josh whispered. "You're gonna shower or have a bath and we're going to get you some food. Is there anything you want specifically?"

"I don't care," Ethan said back, voice breaking slightly. "You guys shouldn't either. All I do is bring you down. Can't you go home and leave me alone, please?"

Harry wanted to give in and leave Ethan alone and hope that he would get better the next day and return to good old Ethan they knew and loved. But Harry knew that he needed to stay, that if he left his friend then the results could be tragic.

"We can't do that, mate," Tobi whispered. "Just go take a shower and take a breather. We're staying right here."

Ethan couldn't be bothered to argue, so he pushed himself up in bed, joints clicking after not being used for however long. JJ helped Ethan up, seeing how weak he was. Holding an arm underneath his shoulders to support him to the bathroom.

Despite the stumbling, Ethan made it to the bathroom. He turned and looked at the men and closed the door behind him and soon the men heard the water running. Josh turned to the group and started planning things.

"Okay, Simon and JJ will clean up Ethan's room. Vik and I will take the living room, and Tobi and Harry will knock out the washing up in the kitchen. I'll order us all some food." Josh explained. Everyone nodded and went to their respective rooms to clean up.

About fifteen minutes later, the rooms were clean and Ethan stepped out the bathroom, feeling clean for the first time in days, wearing a new pair of jogging bottoms and a long sleeve top. Josh was the first to greet him, having stood outside in case anything happened.

"What do you want to do now?" Josh asked.

"I want you guys to leave me alone," Ethan grumbled, walking to his room.

"Well, I was thinking about watching a movie or something?" Josh replied, completely dismissing Ethan's idea.

Ethan ignored his friend and sat on his bed. Throwing his towel into the laundry basket. He stayed silent and started searching through his drawers.

"What are you looking for?" Josh asked.

"My fags." Ethan sighed.

"I hid them," JJ answered, shrugging slightly.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" Ethan asked. "For fuck sake." Ethan slammed one if his draws shut. "I need them."

"You don't need them," JJ argued. "You need something else, those fags are gonna kill you."

"So?" Ethan growled. JJ and Josh were left speechless as Ethan ran out of the room to search the rest of the flat.

"What are you looking for?" Harry asked as Ethan looked in the cupboards.

"My cigs," Ethan answered briefly as he came up empty.

Harry let out a small, 'oh' and Ethan continued to search. Ethan's hands started shaking as he urged for a cigarette.

"You don't need them, Ethan," Simon explained.

"You just need to try and calm down. Let us help. You're going through a rough patch and that's okay, let us help." Tobi said softly. Ethan huffed out and breath and turned to face the friends.

"Please, Ethan." Vik pleaded.

"Don't any of you fucking understand?" Ethan yelled, his depression causing frustration and anger. "No, you don't. So fuck off and leave me alone."

"Not whilst you're like this," Simon exclaimed.

"Can't you just leave me alone?" Ethan begged. "Please, I'm fine by myself."

"Ethan, it's okay to admit you're not okay." JJ took a step forward causing Ethan to take a step back to avoid contact.

"Go." Ethan pleaded, eyes watering with tears. He was trembling, close to a panic attack.

"Hey, Ethan. It's okay." Josh tried to ground Ethan, calling him by his name. He stepped forward and Ethan pushed himself against the counter. He slid down the counter and placed his hands on either side of his head.

Panic was clawing at his throat and Ethan couldn't focus on anything, he started scratching at his arms, hard enough that red lines were becoming noticeable. Fast-paced breaths escaped Ethan as his scratches didn't calm him, he started to punch at his head, angry for being so weak and he just wanted to go back to normal. He couldn't breathe. He didn't want to let anyone down and yet here he was crying like a baby.

He was shaking, crying. He couldn't focus on anything, he continued to punch his head harder, as he sobbed. He couldn't breathe. Why couldn't he breathe? His breaths escalated, shallow breathes escaped him, unable to focus on taking proper deep breaths. The men watched in agony not knowing how to help their friend. Josh made the first move.

"Ethan?" Josh touched Ethan's arm lightly. Ethan immediately retaliated and threw his arm out, punching Josh on the cheek.

Josh fell back.

It was like Ethan could suddenly see what was happening. He looked down at his fists and then at his friend who was now being looked after by Tobi and JJ. Ethan let out a 'sorry' before running into his room and locking the door.

"Fuck, I'm so, so, sorry." Ethan sobbed, hands covering his eyes.

He backed away from the door and sat on the bed, calming himself down. Ethan eventually calmed down and heard knocking on the door.

"Ethan. Can I come in?" It was from Josh.

"No," Ethan muttered.

"Please?" Josh continued to beg.

"I hurt you, Josh. What kind of friend am I? I'm horrible." Ethan mumbled.

"What if I hurt you again?"

"You didn't hit that hard, Ethan. It barely hurt. You were scared, Ethan. It's okay." Josh smiled.

"Is it?" Ethan asked. "All I wanted my fucking cigs and yet I hurt you instead."

Ethan heard some shuffling outside the door and finally accepted that his friend had left as he deserved.

There was a knock at his door and Ethan stood up and wobbly walked to the door and unlocked it. He poked his head through and saw Josh holding out a packet of cigarettes.

"As much as I hate it." Josh frowned. "You can quit but I know it's hard. I'll give you time and we can work on that together but you need to focus on getting mentally better before quitting."

Ethan nodded and took the packet of cigarettes and the lighter. He walked out and thanked Josh quietly. He made his way to the balcony and kept his head low as he walked past his friends, ashamed and embarrassed.

He took out a fag and started smoking. He watched as cars drove past and the boats in the Thames. He often thought about how much it would hurt if he jumped off the balcony or if he drowned himself in the Thames. He quickly finished the cigarette and realised he had nowhere to put it out. Before he crushed it on the floor or put it out in his sink, he rolled up his sleeve and pressed the cigarette against his arm, allowing the burning sensation to take over him. He took a sharp intake of breath before throwing the cigarette on the floor and crushing it under his foot.

He walked back inside the flat and looked at his friends who sat on his sofa.

"Did you hurt yourself with the cigarette?" Vik asked.

"I'm sorry," Ethan whispered before sobbing.

The men frowned at their friend, emotional at the idea of their friend hurting himself.

"I just hate myself so much. I deserve so what's the point?" Ethan shrugged.

"Why are you worried? All I do is bring you down."

"Ethan, you do not bring us down, at all. We love you so much more than what you could imagine." Simon smiled.

"If I died, the sun would still rise, the channel would still exist, people would continue living. It wouldn't change anything. I am insignificant." Ethan explained. "I hate everything about myself."

"You're acting as though we would still upload on the Sidemen channel if you died," Tobi said.

"Why wouldn't you?" Ethan asked.

"Because it wouldn't be the same." JJ immediately interrupted. "You say that everything would stay the same but it wouldn't. We would all be heartbroken, your viewers would be heartbroken. What about your mum, huh? How would we have to explain that to her? You've said it yourself, she's already lost so much."

"But I deserve it, Jide," Ethan whispered. "That's the difference between you guys and me. You guys help people and solve problems, I am the problem."

"You are not a problem, and I can promise you that," Vik whispered. "Yes, you can cause problems but so do all of us, we're human. But, you are not the sole problem."

"If you were we would tell you," Harry said honestly.

"I want to die, guys and I don't think you realise that," Ethan whispered sadly.

"We can get you professional help, and we can help," Tobi said. "You aren't alone, Ethan."

"Just tell us one thing that is bothering you," Josh suggested. "We can help you solve that problem and work with you on it."

Ethan bit his lip and wrapped his arms around his torso, quickly becoming aware of each one of his insecurities. He thought over every single one of his insecurities and chose the one he knew his friends could agree with.

"I hate the way I look." He whispered. "I look in the mirror and I feel like I could throw up."

"What specifically?" Simon asked.

"I don't like how much skin I have. I'm still fat, my face is ugly. My smile is annoying. My nose is crooked and I have such boring eyes. My legs are an awful shape and my arms are so awkward that I've started covering them with tattoos."

His friends all felt sadness run over them at the idea that Ethan pointed out all insecurities one person could have.

"You aren't fat, mate," JJ stated firmly. "You've made so much progress from what you did look like."

"I look in the mirror and I still look like what I did three years ago," Ethan growled. "I'm still the fat kid who doesn't have any other personality trait apart from the fact that I'm fat."

Josh frowned at his friend. "I get it. I didn't have as big as a transformation as you but to fat kid from the other fat kid, I get it. Sometimes, you look in the mirror and you feel like you've made no progress at all, or too little progress. But I promise you that you should feel proud of the progress you've made now."

Everyone looked at the two friends, all of them had been relatively fit all their life or when they did gain weight, it didn't affect them. They never clicked how much someone could hate themselves even after as big of a transformation.

"Ethan, can't you see how much you've changed?" Tobi asked and, as he was pretty fit all his life, he had a fast metabolism, and he would never fully grasp the idea of not liking any mind-blowing changes that you make to yourself.

"It's not enough, the skin is still hanging off me. Every time I look in the mirror, I see the fat guy I've been for the past ten years." Ethan sighed. "It makes me want to vomit. How could I let myself become so disgusting? I'll never be good enough."

"You're good enough no matter what size," Simon affirmed. "No matter what you look like. As long as you stay true to yourself I don't care."

Ethan rolled his eyes and stayed silent, he couldn't be bothered to argue back. What was the point? All he does is ruin every situation so why should he argue again?

"I think you're handsome," Harry said honestly. "You're the most handsome one out of all of us."

Ethan ignored his friend's comment, unable to understand how his friends could perceive him in any way that wasn't a horrible and gross man.

"Can we stop talking about it please?" Ethan whispered, tired eyes watching his friends. They all nodded softly.

The group all started doing more activities with Ethan, eager to show their support during hard times. Simon would go to Ethan's flat and help him clean up. After Ethan had mentioned to the lads that sometimes he couldn't find the energy to do anything and that life seemed to go by faster then he was aware of, Simon decided that every Monday and Thursday, he would help Ethan out with basic chores. Ethan insisted that he didn't have to clean up but seeing his friend so enthusiastic about cleaning wasn't something he wanted to ruin. A weight was lifted off his chest when he realised that he didn't have to live in a dirty environment due to the fact he couldn't find any energy to clean because Simon was there to help.

"You don't have to clean after me, Si."

"I enjoy it though! It helps you out and I like doing it. It's fine honestly."

JJ encouraged Ethan to go to the gym with him. It started twice a week because Ethan wouldn't get out of bed otherwise. It started with JJ encouraging Ethan to go on a run with him, and then into the private rooms of the gym, and then the normal gym. JJ let Ethan go at his own pace for things before slowly going faster and adding more to his workouts. JJ made sure to emphasise that it was okay that Ethan wasn't as good as him but that he should keep trying. Ethan felt a great sense of achievement every time JJ pointed something out that he did well. Ethan didn't tell JJ explicitly how much he helped but JJ knew, he always knew.

"Jide, I can't do it. I'm so weak compared to you."

"Mate you got to 70KGs. That's something to be proud of. You are not weak at all."

Josh showed up every few days and sorted out every one of Ethan's emails and business calls that Ethan couldn't find himself to sort out. Ethan got a lot of letters and emails from potential sponsors and his managers. Josh helped Ethan sort through them, taking business calls that Ethan got too much anxiety from. The two of them sat at the table as Ethan sorted out whether or not he wanted to get involved with sponsorships or how to reply. Ethan often told Josh that he was the best at organising and so Josh came forward to help him sort everything out. Ethan was usually relatively organised but he couldn't find it in himself to sort business stuff out. Josh pulled through with emails and helped Ethan sorting through his mail. Ethan would have been in a lot of shit if Josh hadn't helped, a weight was lifted off his shoulders.

"So GymShark want you to promote a few new items, I've had that be sorted to deliver for next Tuesday."

"Thank you, Josh, I couldn't do this without you."

Harry's way of helping as he came over to Ethan's flat he helped Ethan with some self-care. Both Harry and Ethan would sit on the sofa with facemasks and a movie on TV. Harry would order food and tell Ethan to have a bath. Harry and Ethan would sit on the sofa and, if Ethan wanted to, they would talk about whatever was on their minds. If not, they'd chat shit and Ethan would listen to Harry rant about something stupid. Ethan would smile and feel all his worrying thoughts float away as he listened to the younger rant about whatever he wanted.

"And then she said I was being ridiculous, can you believe that?"

"Careful, Harry, you're smudging the facemask."

Vik often asked Ethan to go out with him. Whether it was shopping for groceries or just for a walk, Vik always offered for Ethan to come along. And if Ethan didn't want to, Vik would pick up the usual shopping for him, supplying him with necessities. Ethan would try and use the items that Vik brought but when Ethan couldn't find the energy to get out of bed, Vik would come round and cook him food. On other days, Ethan would go out with Vik on small days out to the aquarium or zoo. Although it wasn't his kind of day out, hearing Vik talk about his week grounded Ethan in a way he couldn't describe.

"I got a few videos edited yesterday so I'm ahead of schedule if you need any help."

"I'd appreciate the help, Vik, thank you."

Compliments were where Tobi shined. He would send daily compliments to Ethan and, when they saw each other in person, he would compliment Ethan more. Although the other's did compliment Ethan, Tobi went out of his way to come up with something original every time and think outside the box. It started with small things, an outfit or video idea, and then snowballed into much more. Tobi would compliment the way Ethan held himself or a personality trait Ethan had. He would also hype him up on social posting pictures of the two of them with heartfelt captions and compliments.

"I love the way you see things, gives us a better perspective."

"You think so, Tobi?"

The fans were confused with the sudden appreciation for Ethan going around on social media. Ethan felt loved by his friends which were a big change in his original depressed thoughts. Depression didn't leave hi straight away and it wouldn't ever but his friends helped him out of most depressed holes that came his way. Ethan wouldn't get better overnight and they knew that, so each day they would remind him how precious he is and he was worth it. And, after a while, Ethan started to believe it too.

#ethan payne #behzinga #sidemen #behzinga centic #ethan payne centric #ethan payne imagine #ethan payne fanfiction #ethan payne x reader #behzinga fanfiction #behzinga imagine #behzinga x reader #sidemen fanfiction

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damn-behzinga · 4 years ago

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Damn-Behzinga’s Masterlist

angst - 🌧️

fluff - ☀️

favourite - 👑

⚡ The Eboys ⚡

Will Lenney (Willne)

The Veteran - The reader surprises Will at a panel after fighting in another country for a year. (X Reader) ☀️

Kissing In The Rain - Will’s friends meet his girlfriend for the first time but the couple is to busy having an argument. (X Reader) ☀️

Pancakes, Anyone? - You make breakfast for everyone after a night out and Will realises how much he loves you. (X Reader) ☀️

Nail Polish - You and Will have a pamper night (X Reader) 👑☀️

Moving In - Will and Gee get a new neighbour and Will happens to find her very cute. (X Reader) ☀️

Get Better - Will helps you through a bad day of depression. (X Reader)🌧️

A Little Bit More - Will and Reader recite their vows at their wedding. (X Reader)☀️

Tough Guy - Will and Reader are complete opposites but somehow have a strong bond. (X Reader)☀️

Will’s Friend Otis - Will gets a dog to help with some problems he’s having, Will can’t find his confidence to talk to his friends. (Centric) 👑🌧️

Toxic - Part Two of WFO, a look through social media as Will deals with his mental health 🌧️

Hometown - Part Three of WFO, Will goes home to take care of himself but re-lives the worst memories possible 🌧️

Will Comes Home - Part Four of WFO, Will comes home and tries to do a Livestream. Stephen doesn’t let it happen for obvious reasons. 🌧️

Taking A Leap - You are scared of love, Will isn’t (X Reader) 🌧️

Deserving - You get fired from your job and Will comforts you (X Reader)🌧️☀️

Alex Elmslie (ImAllexx)

First Kiss - You have your first kiss with Alex after he lists the things he loves about you. (X Reader ☀️)

Hurt Me Once - Alex knows what his partner has been getting up to (X Reader)

James Marriott

Enough - Reader is content with the relationship they have with James, they decide to go public. (X Reader) 👑☀️

You Walked In And My Heart Went Boom - Reader and James have a heart to heart at 3am (X Reader)☀️

Grow As We Go - Reader thinks they need to break up with James in order to figure themselves out. Part of the Ben Platt Writing Challenge (X Reader)🌧️☀️

George (Memeulous)

Protective - George gets protective when Reader gets assaulted, he decides to do something about it. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Temporary Love - George doesn’t want this to be a one-time thing… Part of the Ben Platt Writing Challenge (X Reader) 👑🌧️☀️

✨ SIDEMEN ✨

Ethan Payne (Behzinga)

Baby Behzinga Meets Her Uncles - The Sidemen meet your month old daughter (X Reader) 👑☀️

“Dad, Can’t you hear me?” - Ethan opens up about his dad, the sidemen don’t realise how truly scary it is. (Centric)🌧️

Hush Hush - You are JJ’s best friend, he warned his friends not to date you, Ethan doesn’t listen. (X Reader)☀️🌧️

After Meeting A Little Early - You and Ethan have a son at the age of seventeen. the sidemen love him to pieces. (X Reader)☀️

Happy Hours - Ethan talks about you and your son on the Happy Hour podcast. Part 2 of AMALE (X Reader)☀️

Hooked - after a little too much drinking after JJ V Logan Paul, you and Ethan hook up (X Reader) ☀️

Doubt - Ethan has his doubts about being a father but you easily soothe him. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Top - Ethan sees you wearing his top and he decides to tell you something. (X Reader) ☀️

Losing The War Against Himself - Ethan is losing the war against his depression but other soldiers are going to fight beside him and help him win. (Cenric) 🌧️

Falling On The Battle Field - Ethan tries to take his own life, the sidemen try to cope (Centric) Part Two of LTWAH 🌧️

I Can’t Wait For Forever - The Sidemen film your’s and Ethan’s weddings, here are the fan favourite bits (X Reader)☀️

Secrets Always Come To Surface - Ethan’s secret gets revealed when someone appears out of the blue. (Centric)🌧️

Together In Isolation - Ethan loves to spend time with you in quarantine (X Reader)☀️

A Painful Memory - The Sidemen Roast is all fun and games until someone jokes about Ethan’s friend who passed away. (X Reader)🌧️

Fitting In - Ethan introduces you to his friends, you get a bit insecure because you’re a bit bigger then other girls (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

To Be Free Again - Ethan gets into a car accident and has to learn to walk again. There are moments where he wanted to give up but he quickly had his friends help him feel better again. These are some of those moments. (centric)🌧️

Dumb Ass Love - If Ethan had to chose between men being horrid to you or a bloody nose, he would chose the latter. (X Reader) ☀️

Unclear - Ethan’s addicted to heroin, the boys have to find a way to help him (Centric)🌧️

Best Couple On YouTube - You and Ethan take part in Simon’s Best Couple On YouTube series. (X Reader) ☀️

Unconventional Family - Ethan meets his half sister for the first time and he decides she should meet his family, the sidemen.(OC & Ethan Centric)☀️

Heart Pains - Ethan has a lot of things that he wanted to do before he hit thirty, having a heart attack and almost dying was not one of them. (Centric) 🌧

Harry Lewis (Wroetoshaw)

Tranquil - You and Harry are soft when others aren’t around. (X Reader)☀️

livestream - harry watches your livestream and realises you’re not okay (X Reader)🌧️☀️

What He Thinks - Not What He Is - Harry finished filming with the weight gained video and he feels terrible about himself so you have to teach him otherwise (X Reader)🌧️☀️

Moment To Moment - This is Harry’s story of his relationship with an abusive woman. (Centric) 👑🌧️

Flustered - Harry gets flustered when a pretty girl comes in for a speed dating video (X Reader)☀️

Medication - Harry suffers from bipolar disorder and has medication, it’s awkward when his friends find out. (Centric)🌧️

Surprise - Harry thinks the biggest surprise of the day was the boys forgetting his birthday, little does he know. (Centric)🌧️☀️

Waltzing - You teach the Sidemen to waltz, Harry gets partnered up with you (X Reader)☀️

Date Night In Isolation - The activities you and Harry get up to in quarantine. (X Reader)☀️

Unexpected But Adorable - You and Harry are famous Youtubers, no one expects your relationship (X Reader)☀️

Nightmares - You have vivid nightmares, thankfully, Harry knows what to do. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Cuddle Time - Harry wants to cuddle, the boys happily oblige. (Centric) ☀️

Taken Over - Harry has a seizure after a shoot, the guys help him. (Centric) 🌧️

JJ Olatunji (KSI)

Helpless - You perform your first show as Eliza Schylur for the music Hamilton and JJ supports you. (X Reader) ☀️

Jealous, Babe? - You watch Jaackmaate, JJ is jealous (X Reader) ☀️

Caring - JJ takes care of you whilst your sick (X Reader) ☀️

Not To Blame - You go to a party with all your friends, the night takes a twisted turn and JJ tries to understand it. (X Reader/platonic or romantic) 🌧️

Josh Bradley (Zerkaa)

Not Your Anxiety - The Sidemen don’t know how to handle Josh’s panic attack, luckily Freya is the best. (centric) 🌧️

Hard Worker Shouldn’t Over Work - Josh tends to overwork himself but luckily has amazing friends surrounding him. (centric)🌧️☀️

Mine - You love Josh. Josh loves you. If only love were that simple. (X Reader) 🌧

Vik Barn (Vikkstar123)

Not Just Banter - Sometimes, Sidemen banter goes too far and Vik needs comforting (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Meeting On Minecraft - You and Vik met online playing Minecraft and now you meet in real life (X Reader) ☀️

Tobi Brown (tbjzl)

Small Comments - You and Tobi promised each other that you wouldn’t go public, so why was the comment left in the video? (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Falling - You and Tobi were on the lowdown, but what is he doing with that other girl? (X Reader)🌧️

Simon Minter (Miniminter)

Antics - You and Simon have a fun night out and have to get your drunken selves home (X Reader) ☀️

Simon In The Bathroom - Simon gets ditched by his one friend at a party, now he’s alone in the bathroom (Centic) 🌧️

THE GROUP

Acceptance - You come out to the sidemen as a bisexual (Sidemen & Non-specified reader)

🔥 + FRIENDS 🔥

Stephen Lawson (StephenTries)

Brother’s Best Friend - You are Will’s twin sister and Stephen might be developing an itsy bitsy, small crush on you. (X Reader) ☀️

Callum McGinley (Callux)

The Most Confident - Cal meets Harry’s old school friend, he likes her immediately but is she too cool for him? (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Talia Mar

Strawberries + Cigarettes- Talia reveals her relationship with the reader through her music video for her song Strawberries + Cigarettes (X Reader) ☀️

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damn-behzinga · 4 years ago

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Masterlist