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damn-behzinga · 4 years ago

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Tic Attack

Ethan Payne Centric

summary - Ethan has Tourette’s Syndrome and has a tic attack.

warnings - mentions of both verbal and physical tics which may trigger your own tics

request - Can u do an angsty ethan imagine with the rest of the sidemen, it can be about anything x

the way you write for ethan has me FERAL pls do more for him !!!!!!

Ethan truly did not hate a part of himself. He used to, back when he was overweight and in his lowest mental state. But he stopped seeing his weight as an issue when he lost it, when he exercised more. It took him a lot longer to stop being upset about his tourettes but he grew to accept them. He used to cry and scream and curse at the top of his lungs blaming his mum for making him this way. He believed he was the reason his two fathers left. He remembered sitting down with his mum at the age of twenty one and whispering, “It was never your fault.�� And she had cried and apologised that she couldn’t afford him better help but he just hugged her and they comforted each other.

Ethan had been scared to tell his new internet friends about his tics. He would mute his mic whenever he felt a verbal tic and if he couldn’t mute it in time, he just came up with whatever excuse came first. He didn’t use a face cam because of his physical tics and then when he did, he cut it out and tried to repress it as much as possible.

Telling the Sidemen was hard but after he told them and they asked questions, trying to understand how things worked for Ethan. He then became more comfortable for himself and told his viewers about his tourettes syndrome. They joked about it in a way that Ethan felt comfortable with but he also had to stop streaming because they’d spam it in the chat. It was hard finding the balance but he was trying his hardest.

All the guys were sharing a hotel room when he was having one of his worst tic days. He had already got a cut on his cheek where he had hit himself a bit too hard and caught his ring. He woke up and could already tell that today was not going to make him feel good. He was walking to the main living area of their combined hotel room and he was already whistling and flapping his hands. He heard the other guys chatting happily as he suddenly tugged on his hair, let out a small clicking noise.

“Ethan, you alright fella?” Josh asked, wincing as Ethan hit his forehead again.

“I’m - chugga - I’m -” He let out a whistle. “Fine. I’m fine.”

The others realised that this was a bad day as Ethan let out a shout as he filled up a glass of water. He felt the tics building up in his body as he dropped the glass, suddenly going into a more severe tic attack, letting out yells and repeating the word ‘chug’, whilst slamming his hand on the side. The others jumped in to help, trying to move the smashed glass away from Ethan so he didn’t hurt himself. He let out a yell as his hand smacked his previous cut. He felt tears leak from his eyes, as his throat closed up. He felt breathless as the words continued to escape his mouth. He thanked that his tics allowed Josh and JJ to guide him to the sofa to lay him down. He continued making noises as his throat went raw. He sucked in a deep breath as his arms continued thrashing. He threw his arm out shortly followed by his legs kicking out. He smacked his head another few times.

The guys cleaned up as JJ and Josh stayed with him as his tic attack continued. Once they cleaned up, they left the room, giving the three of them privacy so Ethan didn’t feel as panicked. Ethan continued to tic for another thirty minutes before he slowly started calming down. His head ached from the amount of head jerking and there were two new bruises forming on his head from how he had smacked and punched himself. His throat felt dry and he was breathless from the vocal tics that had forced themselves out. He let out some tears as his tics slowed back to the average pace. Josh and JJ smiled sadly at him before offering some food and a bottle of water. They passed him his squishy ball to help the hand tics and a neck pillow as he continued to jerk his head and let out soft whines and noises.

“‘M sorry.” Ethan whispered after ten minutes.

“It’s okay, you’re okay.” Josh said.

“Bro, it’s alright.” JJ commented. “Did you not realise the attack would happen?”

“I knew - chugga - I knew it would be bad but not this bad.” Ethan explained.

“Wanna see the other guys?” Josh asked and Ethan nodded, letting out a low whistle. A moment passed and the other guys were walking in, smiles on their faces with plans of distraction in line for Ethan.

“Someone looks like they could use a hug!” Harry opened his arms and laid beside his mate, who immediately engulfed him.

“We managed to figure out how to connect our Netflix to the TVs so we’re thinking about a movie.” Simon said.

“It really wasn’t hard but with those three, it was ten times more difficult to sort out.” Vik rolled his eyes as Simon let out an annoyed scoff. Tobi just sat beside him and let out a sigh.

“This is what I had to deal with.” He commented and immediately it started a quiet debate between the group as Ethan settled into the cuddle and tried to get comfortable despite his tics.

His tics were noises and aggressive movements. His tics were excessive blinks. His tourettes syndrome was a lot of tears and pain but it was also laughs and smiles with his best friends. Ethan had learnt through trials and tribulations that he was not defined by his tourette's syndrome.

#sidemen #sdmn #ethan payne oneshot #ethan payne #ethan payne centric #behzinga fanfiction #behzinga centic #sidemen centric

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damn-behzinga · 4 years ago

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Unconventional Family

Ethan Payne & OC! Sister

summary - Ethan meets his half sister for the first time and he decides she should meet his family, the sidemen.

warnings - abandonment issues, bad dads

request - Can you do a behzinga imagine where he has like an older sister and the boys meet her. the sister isnt the reader tho

masterlist + request info

a/n - I used the name ‘Naya’ in memory of Naya Rivera because Glee was a childhood favourite of mine. I will forever miss her, Naya, rest easy, fly high with Cory.

gif credit @sdmngifs

"Ethan Payne?" The woman asked causing Ethan to squint at her.

"Who's asking?"

"Um, there's no easy way to put this but-" The woman took a deep breath. "I'm your sister. My name is Naya."

"I - um-" Ethan struggled for words and instead he spat, "What the fuck?"

"I know this might come as a shock but my dad cheated on my mum with yours and I-" Naya sighed. "You don't look like him."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"You should. He's a complete asshole." Naya snorted.

"Such an asshole!" Ethan agreed, barking out a laugh. They continued laughing until Ethan asked, "So, how did you find me?"

"Your mum still knows my mum and they talked. She was going to tell you but I said that I wanted to meet you myself." Naya took a seat next to Ethan. "Your mum is amazing, by the way. She took everything in her stride, a lot better than my mum."

"Did you keep his last name?"

"As if! There's no way I wanted to be associated with that asshole." She chuckled. "Naya Lounds." She stuck her hand out and Ethan shook it, smiling softly at her.

"So did he leave you too?" Ethan asked.

"Yup. After my mum found out that he had another son and she kicked him out. I don't remember much. I was like seven and all I could remember was the two of them yelling about some woman he had knocked up when I was two." Naya took a sip of her drink. "I saw him on birthdays and shit until I was eighteen and then I told him that I never wanted to see his ass again."

"Oh, shit." Ethan chuckled dryly.

"So, do you have any stories about the old man?" Naya asked.

"Nothing really. Mum made it clear she wasn't having him around. He forgot my name and mum went ballistic!"

"Holy shit! What an asshole!" Naya chuckled. "Big up your mum though. She's got to be one of the strongest women I've ever met."

"She's the strongest." Ethan smiled.

"Ethan?" Josh called. "Mate, we're ditching this place and going to the pub across the street."

"Okay, just give me a second." Ethan smiled and quickly pulled out his phone. "Put your number in and we can talk about this more."

The friendship group waited outside for their friend. The tattooed man wandered out the door, smiling softly at the men.

"Get her number?" Simon commented, raising his eyes suggestively.

"It's not like that!" Ethan scoffed at his older friend. "She's family. Someone I haven't really known."

All his friends glanced at one and other trying to figure out what was going on. But, with the alcohol buzzing in their system, they shrugged it off and made their way to the next pub.

Over the next month and a half, the siblings quickly got to know each other, swapping stories from their childhood, explaining their jobs, and discussing their passions. They started to meet up weekly, text everyday. The two of them had lost so much and they were determined not to lose each other.

Then, Ethan realised he hadn't even told his closest friends about the new development in his life. So, he called Naya and told her to get ready to meet the six craziest people she'd ever meet.

So, the next week, Ethan placed the floor, biting his nails as his friends watched him from the couch.

"You have nothing to be nervous about," Josh said softly.

"Yeah, we're just meeting your friend, right?" Simon said. "I will say, this is a bit formal for us to meet a friend."

"I need to-" Ethan started and the doorbell echoed throughout the flat.

He bit his lip and walked over to the door, taking a deep breath before he opened it wide.

"Naya." He breathed out, pulling her into a hug.

"Hey. It's good to see you." Naya smiled, pulling away. "Are you friends here already?"

"Yeah. They're in the living room." Ethan shut the door behind her and guided her to the living room.

"Boys, this is Naya." Ethan took a deep breath. "My sister."

There was a moment of silence as everyone tried to grasp the new information.

"Sister?" JJ sputtered.

"Well, half-sister, technically." Naya chuckled awkwardly.

"I'm so confused," Harry muttered.

"It's nice to meet you guys, Ethan talks about you a lot. It's nice to put faces to names." Naya said kindly. "I know you must have a lot of questions and as I said to Ethan, I will happily answer them the best as I can."

"Your half-siblings?" Simon clarified. "Like through your dad or-"

"Yep," Naya said. "We have the same asshole dad."

Ethan laughed quietly.

"And how are we supposed to know that you aren't some crazy fan?" Josh asked, squinting.

"I've seen the birth certificate. And my mum confirmed it." Ethan explained. "I saw a photo of her and my dad."

"How long have you known that you were siblings?" Tobi asked

"Oh well, I found out a few years ago that I might have half-siblings but I never wanted to know about know my family through my dad. But I got curious and my mum had met Ruth through a friend and so I asked. And I put off meeting him for a long time, I didn't want to fuck up his life and I was worried he'd be like our dad." Naya shrugged slightly.

"Have you ever seen the video of Ethan smashing a controller into his desk when he got pissed off at a game?" JJ asked.

"No!" Naya barked out a laugh. "Please show me!"

"Or the time he almost broke his neck attempting a bicycle kick?" Harry exclaimed.

"Why didn't I know about these?" Naya laughed, shoving Ethan jokingly.

"That's not exactly the first impression I wanted to leave." Ethan snorted.

"Really? I think that's a really good way to know you." Naya argued jokingly.

"I like her already!" Tobi laughed loudly.

"Aye, my sister is off-limits!" Ethan yelled and yeah, he could get used to saying that.

#sidemen #sdmn #behzinga #ethan payne #ethan payne fanfiction #ethan payne x reader #ethan payne fluff #ethan payne imagine #behzinga imagine #behzinga x reader #behzinga centic #behzinga fluff

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damn-behzinga · 5 years ago

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Losing The War Against Himself

Ethan Payne (Behzinga) Centric

summary - Ethan is losing the war of depression but other soldiers are going to fight beside him and help him win

warnings - depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts, angst, panic attacks, swearing, my terrible writing

masterlist and request info

Sometimes, Ethan didn't want to talk about his weight loss. Sometimes, Ethan looked in the mirror and still felt disgusting and fat. He would feel terrible about himself and work out more and eat less, trying to get rid of the fattiness he felt but couldn't see.

The other sidemen knew that something was off with Ethan on these days but since he hadn't told them, they remained in the dark and confused about the situation.

Ethan was pretty open about how he looked up to the other sidemen and their lifestyle, especially JJ. JJ who was so strong and fit, who looked like how Ethan could only dream of.

Ethan just stood in front of the mirror and cried, he felt so disgusting, every way he looked at himself, he looked distorted. Ethan wanted to vomit when he looked at himself, ignoring all progress he made from the last two years, only seeing himself as the fat man he knew from before.

Ethan dried his tears, there's no way in Hell he would let his friends see him like that. So weak and sensitive. And so, to stop them from seeing him in any way that showed weakness, Ethan slowly went back into his shell, becoming a shell of their best friend. The sidemen were confused to put it simply and hurt. They had spent months getting Ethan to open up to them and all of a sudden he went back into that shell. The last time he felt like that was in 2015 and they did not want to go back down that route again.

Ethan's habits worsened. He'd show up for shoots, complete them and then leave. If it was an all-day shoot then he'd arrive on time and leave during his breaks, even if it was just for a walk around the block. He would go out of his way to avoid his friends, hardly interacting with them and not commenting on much during filming. He was like a zombie. His friends knew they had to find out what was wrong and helped him before it was too late.

Ethan was at his flat when the guys came over to confront him. He was simply lying in bed, not having the energy to get up or do anything productive. The men knocked on the door but Ethan didn't answer, too lost in his head. Ethan had given them all a spare key when he first moved so Tobi used it and they all entered the flat, searching for their friend.

"Ethan?" Simon called lightly, looking around the living room. When the men came up empty, Tobi nodded towards Ethan's door and so the group stood at the doorway and saw their best friend in bed.

"Go away, lads." Ethan's voice was hoarse from the lack of use but the emptiness was evident.

"We can't leave you alone like this," Josh said softly making his way through the messy room.

"Where's Charlie?" Tobi asked, noting Ethan's missing roommate.

"He moved out with his girlfriend," Ethan muttered. "He left, why can't you?"

"Because we're worried about you man," JJ answered honestly, his voice rarely soft.

"You don't have to be. I'm not worth your time." Ethan argued weakly.

"Ethan, when was the last time you showered?" Vik asked.

"I don't know. After the last shoot, I suppose." Ethan shrugged.

The friends exchanged looks, that was five days ago.

"When was the last time you ate a proper meal?" Harry questioned.

"I don't know," Ethan answered. "What does it matter guys? I'm still the fat kid I'm losing some weight now at least."

Both Simon and Tobi flinched at Ethan's words.

"Okay," Josh whispered. "You're gonna shower or have a bath and we're going to get you some food. Is there anything you want specifically?"

"I don't care," Ethan said back, voice breaking slightly. "You guys shouldn't either. All I do is bring you down. Can't you go home and leave me alone, please?"

Harry wanted to give in and leave Ethan alone and hope that he would get better the next day and return to good old Ethan they knew and loved. But Harry knew that he needed to stay, that if he left his friend then the results could be tragic.

"We can't do that, mate," Tobi whispered. "Just go take a shower and take a breather. We're staying right here."

Ethan couldn't be bothered to argue, so he pushed himself up in bed, joints clicking after not being used for however long. JJ helped Ethan up, seeing how weak he was. Holding an arm underneath his shoulders to support him to the bathroom.

Despite the stumbling, Ethan made it to the bathroom. He turned and looked at the men and closed the door behind him and soon the men heard the water running. Josh turned to the group and started planning things.

"Okay, Simon and JJ will clean up Ethan's room. Vik and I will take the living room, and Tobi and Harry will knock out the washing up in the kitchen. I'll order us all some food." Josh explained. Everyone nodded and went to their respective rooms to clean up.

About fifteen minutes later, the rooms were clean and Ethan stepped out the bathroom, feeling clean for the first time in days, wearing a new pair of jogging bottoms and a long sleeve top. Josh was the first to greet him, having stood outside in case anything happened.

"What do you want to do now?" Josh asked.

"I want you guys to leave me alone," Ethan grumbled, walking to his room.

"Well, I was thinking about watching a movie or something?" Josh replied, completely dismissing Ethan's idea.

Ethan ignored his friend and sat on his bed. Throwing his towel into the laundry basket. He stayed silent and started searching through his drawers.

"What are you looking for?" Josh asked.

"My fags." Ethan sighed.

"I hid them," JJ answered, shrugging slightly.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" Ethan asked. "For fuck sake." Ethan slammed one if his draws shut. "I need them."

"You don't need them," JJ argued. "You need something else, those fags are gonna kill you."

"So?" Ethan growled. JJ and Josh were left speechless as Ethan ran out of the room to search the rest of the flat.

"What are you looking for?" Harry asked as Ethan looked in the cupboards.

"My cigs," Ethan answered briefly as he came up empty.

Harry let out a small, 'oh' and Ethan continued to search. Ethan's hands started shaking as he urged for a cigarette.

"You don't need them, Ethan," Simon explained.

"You just need to try and calm down. Let us help. You're going through a rough patch and that's okay, let us help." Tobi said softly. Ethan huffed out and breath and turned to face the friends.

"Please, Ethan." Vik pleaded.

"Don't any of you fucking understand?" Ethan yelled, his depression causing frustration and anger. "No, you don't. So fuck off and leave me alone."

"Not whilst you're like this," Simon exclaimed.

"Can't you just leave me alone?" Ethan begged. "Please, I'm fine by myself."

"Ethan, it's okay to admit you're not okay." JJ took a step forward causing Ethan to take a step back to avoid contact.

"Go." Ethan pleaded, eyes watering with tears. He was trembling, close to a panic attack.

"Hey, Ethan. It's okay." Josh tried to ground Ethan, calling him by his name. He stepped forward and Ethan pushed himself against the counter. He slid down the counter and placed his hands on either side of his head.

Panic was clawing at his throat and Ethan couldn't focus on anything, he started scratching at his arms, hard enough that red lines were becoming noticeable. Fast-paced breaths escaped Ethan as his scratches didn't calm him, he started to punch at his head, angry for being so weak and he just wanted to go back to normal. He couldn't breathe. He didn't want to let anyone down and yet here he was crying like a baby.

He was shaking, crying. He couldn't focus on anything, he continued to punch his head harder, as he sobbed. He couldn't breathe. Why couldn't he breathe? His breaths escalated, shallow breathes escaped him, unable to focus on taking proper deep breaths. The men watched in agony not knowing how to help their friend. Josh made the first move.

"Ethan?" Josh touched Ethan's arm lightly. Ethan immediately retaliated and threw his arm out, punching Josh on the cheek.

Josh fell back.

It was like Ethan could suddenly see what was happening. He looked down at his fists and then at his friend who was now being looked after by Tobi and JJ. Ethan let out a 'sorry' before running into his room and locking the door.

"Fuck, I'm so, so, sorry." Ethan sobbed, hands covering his eyes.

He backed away from the door and sat on the bed, calming himself down. Ethan eventually calmed down and heard knocking on the door.

"Ethan. Can I come in?" It was from Josh.

"No," Ethan muttered.

"Please?" Josh continued to beg.

"I hurt you, Josh. What kind of friend am I? I'm horrible." Ethan mumbled.

"What if I hurt you again?"

"You didn't hit that hard, Ethan. It barely hurt. You were scared, Ethan. It's okay." Josh smiled.

"Is it?" Ethan asked. "All I wanted my fucking cigs and yet I hurt you instead."

Ethan heard some shuffling outside the door and finally accepted that his friend had left as he deserved.

There was a knock at his door and Ethan stood up and wobbly walked to the door and unlocked it. He poked his head through and saw Josh holding out a packet of cigarettes.

"As much as I hate it." Josh frowned. "You can quit but I know it's hard. I'll give you time and we can work on that together but you need to focus on getting mentally better before quitting."

Ethan nodded and took the packet of cigarettes and the lighter. He walked out and thanked Josh quietly. He made his way to the balcony and kept his head low as he walked past his friends, ashamed and embarrassed.

He took out a fag and started smoking. He watched as cars drove past and the boats in the Thames. He often thought about how much it would hurt if he jumped off the balcony or if he drowned himself in the Thames. He quickly finished the cigarette and realised he had nowhere to put it out. Before he crushed it on the floor or put it out in his sink, he rolled up his sleeve and pressed the cigarette against his arm, allowing the burning sensation to take over him. He took a sharp intake of breath before throwing the cigarette on the floor and crushing it under his foot.

He walked back inside the flat and looked at his friends who sat on his sofa.

"Did you hurt yourself with the cigarette?" Vik asked.

"I'm sorry," Ethan whispered before sobbing.

The men frowned at their friend, emotional at the idea of their friend hurting himself.

"I just hate myself so much. I deserve so what's the point?" Ethan shrugged.

"Why are you worried? All I do is bring you down."

"Ethan, you do not bring us down, at all. We love you so much more than what you could imagine." Simon smiled.

"If I died, the sun would still rise, the channel would still exist, people would continue living. It wouldn't change anything. I am insignificant." Ethan explained. "I hate everything about myself."

"You're acting as though we would still upload on the Sidemen channel if you died," Tobi said.

"Why wouldn't you?" Ethan asked.

"Because it wouldn't be the same." JJ immediately interrupted. "You say that everything would stay the same but it wouldn't. We would all be heartbroken, your viewers would be heartbroken. What about your mum, huh? How would we have to explain that to her? You've said it yourself, she's already lost so much."

"But I deserve it, Jide," Ethan whispered. "That's the difference between you guys and me. You guys help people and solve problems, I am the problem."

"You are not a problem, and I can promise you that," Vik whispered. "Yes, you can cause problems but so do all of us, we're human. But, you are not the sole problem."

"If you were we would tell you," Harry said honestly.

"I want to die, guys and I don't think you realise that," Ethan whispered sadly.

"We can get you professional help, and we can help," Tobi said. "You aren't alone, Ethan."

"Just tell us one thing that is bothering you," Josh suggested. "We can help you solve that problem and work with you on it."

Ethan bit his lip and wrapped his arms around his torso, quickly becoming aware of each one of his insecurities. He thought over every single one of his insecurities and chose the one he knew his friends could agree with.

"I hate the way I look." He whispered. "I look in the mirror and I feel like I could throw up."

"What specifically?" Simon asked.

"I don't like how much skin I have. I'm still fat, my face is ugly. My smile is annoying. My nose is crooked and I have such boring eyes. My legs are an awful shape and my arms are so awkward that I've started covering them with tattoos."

His friends all felt sadness run over them at the idea that Ethan pointed out all insecurities one person could have.

"You aren't fat, mate," JJ stated firmly. "You've made so much progress from what you did look like."

"I look in the mirror and I still look like what I did three years ago," Ethan growled. "I'm still the fat kid who doesn't have any other personality trait apart from the fact that I'm fat."

Josh frowned at his friend. "I get it. I didn't have as big as a transformation as you but to fat kid from the other fat kid, I get it. Sometimes, you look in the mirror and you feel like you've made no progress at all, or too little progress. But I promise you that you should feel proud of the progress you've made now."

Everyone looked at the two friends, all of them had been relatively fit all their life or when they did gain weight, it didn't affect them. They never clicked how much someone could hate themselves even after as big of a transformation.

"Ethan, can't you see how much you've changed?" Tobi asked and, as he was pretty fit all his life, he had a fast metabolism, and he would never fully grasp the idea of not liking any mind-blowing changes that you make to yourself.

"It's not enough, the skin is still hanging off me. Every time I look in the mirror, I see the fat guy I've been for the past ten years." Ethan sighed. "It makes me want to vomit. How could I let myself become so disgusting? I'll never be good enough."

"You're good enough no matter what size," Simon affirmed. "No matter what you look like. As long as you stay true to yourself I don't care."

Ethan rolled his eyes and stayed silent, he couldn't be bothered to argue back. What was the point? All he does is ruin every situation so why should he argue again?

"I think you're handsome," Harry said honestly. "You're the most handsome one out of all of us."

Ethan ignored his friend's comment, unable to understand how his friends could perceive him in any way that wasn't a horrible and gross man.

"Can we stop talking about it please?" Ethan whispered, tired eyes watching his friends. They all nodded softly.

The group all started doing more activities with Ethan, eager to show their support during hard times. Simon would go to Ethan's flat and help him clean up. After Ethan had mentioned to the lads that sometimes he couldn't find the energy to do anything and that life seemed to go by faster then he was aware of, Simon decided that every Monday and Thursday, he would help Ethan out with basic chores. Ethan insisted that he didn't have to clean up but seeing his friend so enthusiastic about cleaning wasn't something he wanted to ruin. A weight was lifted off his chest when he realised that he didn't have to live in a dirty environment due to the fact he couldn't find any energy to clean because Simon was there to help.

"You don't have to clean after me, Si."

"I enjoy it though! It helps you out and I like doing it. It's fine honestly."

JJ encouraged Ethan to go to the gym with him. It started twice a week because Ethan wouldn't get out of bed otherwise. It started with JJ encouraging Ethan to go on a run with him, and then into the private rooms of the gym, and then the normal gym. JJ let Ethan go at his own pace for things before slowly going faster and adding more to his workouts. JJ made sure to emphasise that it was okay that Ethan wasn't as good as him but that he should keep trying. Ethan felt a great sense of achievement every time JJ pointed something out that he did well. Ethan didn't tell JJ explicitly how much he helped but JJ knew, he always knew.

"Jide, I can't do it. I'm so weak compared to you."

"Mate you got to 70KGs. That's something to be proud of. You are not weak at all."

Josh showed up every few days and sorted out every one of Ethan's emails and business calls that Ethan couldn't find himself to sort out. Ethan got a lot of letters and emails from potential sponsors and his managers. Josh helped Ethan sort through them, taking business calls that Ethan got too much anxiety from. The two of them sat at the table as Ethan sorted out whether or not he wanted to get involved with sponsorships or how to reply. Ethan often told Josh that he was the best at organising and so Josh came forward to help him sort everything out. Ethan was usually relatively organised but he couldn't find it in himself to sort business stuff out. Josh pulled through with emails and helped Ethan sorting through his mail. Ethan would have been in a lot of shit if Josh hadn't helped, a weight was lifted off his shoulders.

"So GymShark want you to promote a few new items, I've had that be sorted to deliver for next Tuesday."

"Thank you, Josh, I couldn't do this without you."

Harry's way of helping as he came over to Ethan's flat he helped Ethan with some self-care. Both Harry and Ethan would sit on the sofa with facemasks and a movie on TV. Harry would order food and tell Ethan to have a bath. Harry and Ethan would sit on the sofa and, if Ethan wanted to, they would talk about whatever was on their minds. If not, they'd chat shit and Ethan would listen to Harry rant about something stupid. Ethan would smile and feel all his worrying thoughts float away as he listened to the younger rant about whatever he wanted.

"And then she said I was being ridiculous, can you believe that?"

"Careful, Harry, you're smudging the facemask."

Vik often asked Ethan to go out with him. Whether it was shopping for groceries or just for a walk, Vik always offered for Ethan to come along. And if Ethan didn't want to, Vik would pick up the usual shopping for him, supplying him with necessities. Ethan would try and use the items that Vik brought but when Ethan couldn't find the energy to get out of bed, Vik would come round and cook him food. On other days, Ethan would go out with Vik on small days out to the aquarium or zoo. Although it wasn't his kind of day out, hearing Vik talk about his week grounded Ethan in a way he couldn't describe.

"I got a few videos edited yesterday so I'm ahead of schedule if you need any help."

"I'd appreciate the help, Vik, thank you."

Compliments were where Tobi shined. He would send daily compliments to Ethan and, when they saw each other in person, he would compliment Ethan more. Although the other's did compliment Ethan, Tobi went out of his way to come up with something original every time and think outside the box. It started with small things, an outfit or video idea, and then snowballed into much more. Tobi would compliment the way Ethan held himself or a personality trait Ethan had. He would also hype him up on social posting pictures of the two of them with heartfelt captions and compliments.

"I love the way you see things, gives us a better perspective."

"You think so, Tobi?"

The fans were confused with the sudden appreciation for Ethan going around on social media. Ethan felt loved by his friends which were a big change in his original depressed thoughts. Depression didn't leave hi straight away and it wouldn't ever but his friends helped him out of most depressed holes that came his way. Ethan wouldn't get better overnight and they knew that, so each day they would remind him how precious he is and he was worth it. And, after a while, Ethan started to believe it too.

#ethan payne #behzinga #sidemen #behzinga centic #ethan payne centric #ethan payne imagine #ethan payne fanfiction #ethan payne x reader #behzinga fanfiction #behzinga imagine #behzinga x reader #sidemen fanfiction

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damn-behzinga · 4 years ago

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Damn-Behzinga’s Masterlist

angst - 🌧️

fluff - ☀️

favourite - 👑

⚡ The Eboys ⚡

Will Lenney (Willne)

The Veteran - The reader surprises Will at a panel after fighting in another country for a year. (X Reader) ☀️

Kissing In The Rain - Will’s friends meet his girlfriend for the first time but the couple is to busy having an argument. (X Reader) ☀️

Pancakes, Anyone? - You make breakfast for everyone after a night out and Will realises how much he loves you. (X Reader) ☀️

Nail Polish - You and Will have a pamper night (X Reader) 👑☀️

Moving In - Will and Gee get a new neighbour and Will happens to find her very cute. (X Reader) ☀️

Get Better - Will helps you through a bad day of depression. (X Reader)🌧️

A Little Bit More - Will and Reader recite their vows at their wedding. (X Reader)☀️

Tough Guy - Will and Reader are complete opposites but somehow have a strong bond. (X Reader)☀️

Will’s Friend Otis - Will gets a dog to help with some problems he’s having, Will can’t find his confidence to talk to his friends. (Centric) 👑🌧️

Toxic - Part Two of WFO, a look through social media as Will deals with his mental health 🌧️

Hometown - Part Three of WFO, Will goes home to take care of himself but re-lives the worst memories possible 🌧️

Will Comes Home - Part Four of WFO, Will comes home and tries to do a Livestream. Stephen doesn’t let it happen for obvious reasons. 🌧️

Taking A Leap - You are scared of love, Will isn’t (X Reader) 🌧️

Deserving - You get fired from your job and Will comforts you (X Reader)🌧️☀️

Alex Elmslie (ImAllexx)

First Kiss - You have your first kiss with Alex after he lists the things he loves about you. (X Reader ☀️)

Hurt Me Once - Alex knows what his partner has been getting up to (X Reader)

James Marriott

Enough - Reader is content with the relationship they have with James, they decide to go public. (X Reader) 👑☀️

You Walked In And My Heart Went Boom - Reader and James have a heart to heart at 3am (X Reader)☀️

Grow As We Go - Reader thinks they need to break up with James in order to figure themselves out. Part of the Ben Platt Writing Challenge (X Reader)🌧️☀️

George (Memeulous)

Protective - George gets protective when Reader gets assaulted, he decides to do something about it. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Temporary Love - George doesn’t want this to be a one-time thing… Part of the Ben Platt Writing Challenge (X Reader) 👑🌧️☀️

✨ SIDEMEN ✨

Ethan Payne (Behzinga)

Baby Behzinga Meets Her Uncles - The Sidemen meet your month old daughter (X Reader) 👑☀️

“Dad, Can’t you hear me?” - Ethan opens up about his dad, the sidemen don’t realise how truly scary it is. (Centric)🌧️

Hush Hush - You are JJ’s best friend, he warned his friends not to date you, Ethan doesn’t listen. (X Reader)☀️🌧️

After Meeting A Little Early - You and Ethan have a son at the age of seventeen. the sidemen love him to pieces. (X Reader)☀️

Happy Hours - Ethan talks about you and your son on the Happy Hour podcast. Part 2 of AMALE (X Reader)☀️

Hooked - after a little too much drinking after JJ V Logan Paul, you and Ethan hook up (X Reader) ☀️

Doubt - Ethan has his doubts about being a father but you easily soothe him. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Top - Ethan sees you wearing his top and he decides to tell you something. (X Reader) ☀️

Losing The War Against Himself - Ethan is losing the war against his depression but other soldiers are going to fight beside him and help him win. (Cenric) 🌧️

Falling On The Battle Field - Ethan tries to take his own life, the sidemen try to cope (Centric) Part Two of LTWAH 🌧️

I Can’t Wait For Forever - The Sidemen film your’s and Ethan’s weddings, here are the fan favourite bits (X Reader)☀️

Secrets Always Come To Surface - Ethan’s secret gets revealed when someone appears out of the blue. (Centric)🌧️

Together In Isolation - Ethan loves to spend time with you in quarantine (X Reader)☀️

A Painful Memory - The Sidemen Roast is all fun and games until someone jokes about Ethan’s friend who passed away. (X Reader)🌧️

Fitting In - Ethan introduces you to his friends, you get a bit insecure because you’re a bit bigger then other girls (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

To Be Free Again - Ethan gets into a car accident and has to learn to walk again. There are moments where he wanted to give up but he quickly had his friends help him feel better again. These are some of those moments. (centric)🌧️

Dumb Ass Love - If Ethan had to chose between men being horrid to you or a bloody nose, he would chose the latter. (X Reader) ☀️

Unclear - Ethan’s addicted to heroin, the boys have to find a way to help him (Centric)🌧️

Best Couple On YouTube - You and Ethan take part in Simon’s Best Couple On YouTube series. (X Reader) ☀️

Unconventional Family - Ethan meets his half sister for the first time and he decides she should meet his family, the sidemen.(OC & Ethan Centric)☀️

Heart Pains - Ethan has a lot of things that he wanted to do before he hit thirty, having a heart attack and almost dying was not one of them. (Centric) 🌧

Harry Lewis (Wroetoshaw)

Tranquil - You and Harry are soft when others aren’t around. (X Reader)☀️

livestream - harry watches your livestream and realises you’re not okay (X Reader)🌧️☀️

What He Thinks - Not What He Is - Harry finished filming with the weight gained video and he feels terrible about himself so you have to teach him otherwise (X Reader)🌧️☀️

Moment To Moment - This is Harry’s story of his relationship with an abusive woman. (Centric) 👑🌧️

Flustered - Harry gets flustered when a pretty girl comes in for a speed dating video (X Reader)☀️

Medication - Harry suffers from bipolar disorder and has medication, it’s awkward when his friends find out. (Centric)🌧️

Surprise - Harry thinks the biggest surprise of the day was the boys forgetting his birthday, little does he know. (Centric)🌧️☀️

Waltzing - You teach the Sidemen to waltz, Harry gets partnered up with you (X Reader)☀️

Date Night In Isolation - The activities you and Harry get up to in quarantine. (X Reader)☀️

Unexpected But Adorable - You and Harry are famous Youtubers, no one expects your relationship (X Reader)☀️

Nightmares - You have vivid nightmares, thankfully, Harry knows what to do. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Cuddle Time - Harry wants to cuddle, the boys happily oblige. (Centric) ☀️

Taken Over - Harry has a seizure after a shoot, the guys help him. (Centric) 🌧️

JJ Olatunji (KSI)

Helpless - You perform your first show as Eliza Schylur for the music Hamilton and JJ supports you. (X Reader) ☀️

Jealous, Babe? - You watch Jaackmaate, JJ is jealous (X Reader) ☀️

Caring - JJ takes care of you whilst your sick (X Reader) ☀️

Not To Blame - You go to a party with all your friends, the night takes a twisted turn and JJ tries to understand it. (X Reader/platonic or romantic) 🌧️

Josh Bradley (Zerkaa)

Not Your Anxiety - The Sidemen don’t know how to handle Josh’s panic attack, luckily Freya is the best. (centric) 🌧️

Hard Worker Shouldn’t Over Work - Josh tends to overwork himself but luckily has amazing friends surrounding him. (centric)🌧️☀️

Mine - You love Josh. Josh loves you. If only love were that simple. (X Reader) 🌧

Vik Barn (Vikkstar123)

Not Just Banter - Sometimes, Sidemen banter goes too far and Vik needs comforting (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Meeting On Minecraft - You and Vik met online playing Minecraft and now you meet in real life (X Reader) ☀️

Tobi Brown (tbjzl)

Small Comments - You and Tobi promised each other that you wouldn’t go public, so why was the comment left in the video? (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Falling - You and Tobi were on the lowdown, but what is he doing with that other girl? (X Reader)🌧️

Simon Minter (Miniminter)

Antics - You and Simon have a fun night out and have to get your drunken selves home (X Reader) ☀️

Simon In The Bathroom - Simon gets ditched by his one friend at a party, now he’s alone in the bathroom (Centic) 🌧️

THE GROUP

Acceptance - You come out to the sidemen as a bisexual (Sidemen & Non-specified reader)

🔥 + FRIENDS 🔥

Stephen Lawson (StephenTries)

Brother’s Best Friend - You are Will’s twin sister and Stephen might be developing an itsy bitsy, small crush on you. (X Reader) ☀️

Callum McGinley (Callux)

The Most Confident - Cal meets Harry’s old school friend, he likes her immediately but is she too cool for him? (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Talia Mar

Strawberries + Cigarettes- Talia reveals her relationship with the reader through her music video for her song Strawberries + Cigarettes (X Reader) ☀️

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damn-behzinga · 5 years ago

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Masterlist