#especially when they aren't supermodels

[sadeggsforbreakfast]

i love it when the lovely folks making disco elysium fanart make harry look like the middle-aged man struggling with addiction that he is. yes, give him that beer belly. yes, give him crooked yellow teeth with the tooth gap. yes, give him nicotine stained fingers. yes, give him that receding hairline and sprinke some gray hairs in there too. yes, give him a bloated face and ruddy cheeks and nose. i'm going to craddle his face in my hands and kiss his forehead. he's so dear to me.

[niningtori]

supermodel | part one

part two

pairing: choi beomgyu x you

summary: after beomgyu ghosts you after three (what you thought were) really successful dates, your close friend asks you if she can date him instead. you, being the pushover you are, say yes. but beomgyu's not done bothering you.

genre: romance, angst, smut (MDNI!!!)

warnings: MDNI!!! cheating (not on you [and it's lowkey justified if you ask me]), unprotected sex (no!), oral (f. receiving), creampie, dacryphilia, praise, degradation, manipulative!beomgyu if you squint (lmk if you catch it lmao), if i missed anything lmk

word count: 6k (ouuu... definitely not 13k i'm sorry anon my love)

notes: ...hi. so, as most of my followers know, i primarily write angst. this is my first time ever posting smut on here and i genuinely don't know if it's any good. if it's bad,,,, i'm sorry in advance!! see ending for more notes :)

you do not like beomgyu. you don't like the way he keeps his hair so long, or the way he tucks it behind his ears when he's focused. you don't like that he has the same music taste as you and how much of a snob he is about it. you don't like the way he laughs obnoxiously loud and you especially don't like the way his cheeks dimple like little whiskers when he does it. no, you don't like beomgyu one bit.

it hasn't always been like this. there was a time, albeit brief and fleeting, that you really liked the aforementioned grievances you've grown to hate so much. in fact, you liked them so much, you even liked the boy himself. that ship has sailed, though. and it sails further and further as you watch him cuddle up even closer to one of your closest friends, hana. you aren't a bitter person, really. you're usually pretty laidback, all things considered, so when hana asked you if she could date the boy who ghosted you after three (what you thought were) really successful dates, you said yes. 

do you regret agreeing? well, how can you regret it when hana looks so happy? in fact, she looks happier than ever as beomgyu discreetly places his hand on her inner thigh. oh man. you think you're gonna be sick.

-

meeting beomgyu was like a meet cute in a romcom. you were alone in a cafe (cliché, but true) when he pulled up a seat and sat next to you. he was cute, he was charming, and, most surprisingly, he was actually really funny. he made you giggle more than once and you almost couldn't believe someone so seemingly perfect wanted anything to do with you, but he did. he was extremely eager, if anything, because as soon as you gave him your number, he texted you asking if you wanted to go out sometime. you, with your innocent heart, could only agree. 

your first date was at that same cafe. he had memorized your order, even though he had only met you once, and you felt so flattered your heart skipped a beat. you're a little on the shyer side, but he was able to pull you out of your shell with ease. you'd later find out he has the ability to do that with everyone, but back then, you were amazed by how naturally he pulled it off.

after your first date, you'd texted all your friends about it. they asked for pictures and details, but you said it was too early and you didn't want to jinx it. you're the type to try not to get too caught up in the moment in favor of being more realistic, so it had been a pleasant surprise for most of your friends to hear how excited you were. this could really be something special, you thought. 

and special, it was. your second date had been at a nice restaurant you'd never heard of. beomgyu was pulling out all the stops for you and spared nothing when it came to giving you the royal treatment. he was courteous and kind, but still mischievously flirty. you were enamored with everything about him. you were used to being treated kindly on dates, of course, but you had never seen anything quite like beomgyu. it seemed like he couldn't get enough of you, which was a novel feeling, though totally welcomed.

you finally felt confident enough to tell your friends all about him. when asked, you had no problem divulging all the finer details of your dates. you had nothing but praises for him, and even sent one of his instagram pictures to show off his good looks. most of them were taken aback at how handsome he was. hana, however, was not at all surprised. it shocked you to find out that she knew beomgyu, and knew him well. she had floated in the same circle of friends with him in college and you were pleased to find out that he had always been a really nice guy, if a little flighty at times, but he had never been that way with you. plus, it seemed to you that he had matured quite a bit. for once in your life, you got your hopes up. but, like most things, you would come to regret it. 

your third and final date had been simple enough. he had asked you to come hang out at his place, but said his friends would likely be coming and going. it was nice. it was intimate. his apartment was small and a little messy, but filled with personality. you smiled when you saw polaroids he had taken of (and with) his friends adorning his bedroom walls. he seemed really sentimental, actually, but you liked that about him. you liked everything about him, really. 

so when he leaned in for a kiss while watching some dumb old slasher flick, you closed your eyes and prepared to meet his warm lips. this was real. you would have a boyfriend, a near perfect one. and he liked you. he really, really liked you. what more could you ask for? but you never expected that a phone call would pull you out of your daze. you checked the caller id and immediately became worried. hana very rarely called you, but she said she was having an emergency and you, being the good friend you are, had to bail on beomgyu. the emergency in question was her having a meltdown over some guy she had never even mentioned, but had apparently really liked. you had no choice but to go to her place, bringing a tub of ice cream and all of her favorite snacks in tow. beomgyu said he understood, because of course he did, and said he would text you with other plans. 

when he, in fact, did not text you first with plans, you had opted to text him yourself. you figured he had just forgotten or something, so you simply greeted him and apologized again for having to leave. it seems so fucking stupid to you now — the way you waited so anxiously by the phone for a reply that would never come. you remember staying up all night and jolting every time your phone buzzed. you were anxiously awaiting a text, a call, fucking  anything, really. but it was pointless. after a few days of radio silence on beomgyu's end, you had pretty much resigned yourself to the fact that he would never respond. what did you do to scare him away? you thought you had done everything right, but you must’ve come on too strong or something. you felt utterly humiliated. 

you were in your head again. it wouldn't surprise you if you had imagined the whole fucking thing, actually. but a few weeks later, hana had texted you asking if you were okay with her dating the boy you'd been waiting for. she seemed so hopeful and so happy, how could you say no? just because it didn't work out between you two didn't mean that it couldn't work out between them. maybe, deep down, the ugliest parts of you kind of hoped it wouldn't, but when she texted you with all the filthy details of the first time they hooked up, you knew you were thinking too highly of yourself. 

-

beomgyu doesn't like you, and even if his refusal to text you back wasn't enough of an indication that that's the case, his attitude towards you while dating hana tells you everything you need to know. the way he manages to antagonize you over what would normally be completely menial things should be studied. when you trip over your words, he makes a point to call it out and laugh, which results in you, of course, tripping over your words even more. when you look like shit, he makes sarcastic comments along the lines of "oh i see you've decided to really doll yourself up this evening". what's worse is you're so non-confrontational, you just let him chirp. 

what you don't know is that the more unbothered you look, the more eager he is to elicit a reaction out of you. it drives him crazy how nothing seems to drive you crazy, so he pushes and pushes, but it's like a fist landing on cotton. he's on the brink of madness trying to get you to say something, anything. but you never do. you just smile or shake your head and it's all he can do not to snap. 

-

you’re at your favorite bar when you meet him. you’re not alone, or at least you shouldn’t be, but hana has gone outside to make a call. usually, you’d be the first one to accompany her, but you’re honestly not in the mood to hear her flirt with beomgyu (or beomie bear, as she calls him) over the phone. you never are, really, but especially not now as you down another shot of whatever the bartender has deemed as “the strongest shit they’ve got.” you don’t think you look particularly attractive at the moment, but when jay sees you, he’s flocking towards you. 

“hey,” he says with a smile as he slides onto the stool next to yours. 

“hey,” you reply shyly. are you imagining things or did he seriously just blush at your answer? 

“i-i’m jay.” you can’t help but giggle at how nervous he seems. cute. 

you take the time to introduce yourself and jay seems relieved that you’re actually receptive to his awkwardness. you like the way it feels to be in control for once. you like the way it feels to be wanted so much. so when he asks you if you want to go out in the near future, you say yes.

in the midst of your conversation, hana comes sauntering back in with a dopey grin on her face. she has, no doubt, just gotten off the phone with beomgyu if her satisfied expression is any indication. her satisfaction turns into surprise when she registers who’s sitting next to you.

“jay?!” she exclaims, taken aback by the familiar boy next to you. 

“hana? oh my god, how are you?” he asks, standing up and pulling her into a hug. “we went to college together,” he explains when they part. your previous happiness crumbles in an instant. the nasty part of you wonders if she knows fucking everybody you’re interested in, but you shut it down mercilessly. it's not hana’s fault she's so likable. it's your fault for not being more so, actually.

“i’m good,” she says with a light giggle. they catch up for a moment before she drops an atomic bomb. “you know, i’m actually with beomgyu now.” 

“damn, really? i thought that would never actually happen,” he replies, genuine shock falling across his sculpted features. your interest can’t help but be piqued at this.

“what makes you say that?” she asks rather defensively. jay can tell he messed up from her tone and he backtracks immediately. 

“o-oh nothing. i just never pegged you two as compatible, but congratulations! i know you’ve liked him for a long time.” ?... ??...???? what the hell? 

“what is he talking about?” you can’t help but ask confusedly. hana looks thoroughly reddened as she fumbles for an explanation.

“i-i liked beomie back in college. n-nothing major!” she stammers. you can do nothing but stare. she liked beomgyu and she never told you? well, you were half in love with the boy after three dates and you’re still half in love with him, actually, so it’s not particularly surprising that she fell for him, but the fact that she never mentioned it feels iffy at best. jay can sense the tension, and he cleverly excuses himself with:

“shit, my friends are here. i’ll text you soon?” he says, looking to you for confirmation. you manage to muster up a smile and a nod, but you’re still disturbed by this revelation.

“... are you mad?” hana asks tentatively. 

“n-no. of course not!” you say with conviction, but deep down, you know you’re uncomfortable. she probably knows it, too, but she doesn’t pry much further.

“i’m glad you’re not mad,” she sighs. “anyway, it’s not like you’re dating him now.” she pokes at the sore spot on your heart with ease. maybe if she were more sober, she’d see the hurt on your face, but as it is, she doesn’t register a thing.

so hana liked beomgyu back in college? why hadn’t she told you? well, you guess it doesn’t make a difference now. she’s with him. you’re not. what else is there to say, really? but in the back of your mind, gears start turning. you just don’t know it yet.

 -

hana has been a lot nicer to you than usual after that night at the bar. she’s always nice, but she seems hellbent on making sure your prospective date with jay goes well. you suppose it’s her way of making it up to you for withholding her secret crush on beomgyu from you. to be honest, there’s no real reason for her to do so, but you accept her kindness graciously. now, the night before your big date, she’s practically hounding you with questions.

“what are you gonna wear?” she asks over the phone. 

“mmm, i dunno yet,” you hum into the speaker. you really don’t know. jay invited you to a house party, which is not the most romantic place in the world, but hana convinced you that he’s just awkward and a group setting (with drinks, no less) would loosen him up. you realize that you want to impress him. you want him to think you’re the most beautiful girl in the room, but nothing you have in your closet quite fits the bill.

“ooh, i know! you can just borrow one of my dresses. what about the black one? the one you complimented last time we went out! i won’t be home tomorrow night, but i’ll leave the key under the mat, okay? so just come grab it when you’re free!” she sounds proud of herself for coming up with that. you don’t have the heart to tell her it’s a little too scandalous for you, so you grit your teeth and accept her peace offering.

“mmm, yeah. that sounds good. thank you, hana,” you reply.

“pay attention to meeee,” you hear a deep voice cut in from over the phone. beomgyu. you try not to think about the way your heart aches when you hear him (very loudly) plant a kiss on… some part of her body. you’re not exactly sure where it is, but you falter when you hear her reaction.

“beomie, ah, not there,” hana moans and you feel a pang in your chest. “hey, i’ve gotta go, okay?” you don’t have to imagine what they’re about to do and it hurts.

“okay,” you say with a bitter smile, but the call drops before you can even reply. 

-

it’s finally the night of the date and you’re anxious, to put it mildly. you don’t know how long you spent trying to get your hair and makeup right, but an ungodly amount of time has passed. you’re almost tempted to skip getting the dress from hana’s apartment, but you really don’t have anything else that suits the occasion, so you begrudgingly hail a cab over to her place. 

you enter her apartment and head toward her bedroom, where the pretty black dress is waiting for you. with a sigh, you strip out of your sweats and shimmy into the dress. you look in hana's bedroom mirror and you have to admit that you look pretty good. you feel a lot more confident going out with a guy as handsome as jay now. as you’re fixing up your hair one last time, you’re stunned to hear the apartment door opening. she’s home? weird, but welcome. you need a second pair of eyes on you.

“hey! how do i look?” you say with a smile as you exit her bedroom, but you’re not greeted with hana’s smiling face. instead, you’re met with beomgyu’s frown. 

“w-what are you doing here?” you ask, genuinely surprised. 

“this is my girlfriend’s apartment. what are you doing here?” you thought he had heard over the phone that you’d be here to pick up the dress tonight. but then, you supposed that he may have been a little preoccupied sucking the skin off of hana to really pay attention to much else. you’re so busy over analyzing this, you don’t even notice how intently beomgyu is staring at you now. even if you did, you’d probably misread it as ridicule rather than what it truly is. 

“nothing, i-i’m on my way out,” you reply simply. with that, you start trying to walk past him. before you can, though, he’s asking you questions.

"you're seriously going out with him? in that, too?” he asks, disgust apparent. at least, that’s what it sounds like to you. your eyes survey your own attire and you feel extremely small in this moment, all things considered. normally, you'd shut down and second guess yourself. maybe you do look a little ridiculous in this tiny dress and maybe going out with jay is a bad in idea. maybe he's just fucking with your head and maybe he'll toss you away just like beomgyu did. maybe, maybe, maybe. but then? maybe not. and even if he does, you don't want to hear any of that shit from beomgyu of all people. 

"oh, fuck you, beomgyu." 

he looks perfectly scandalized by your comment. you’ve never talked back to him before, and certainly not like this. his eyebrows raise and his jaw drops before he can finally choke out the words "e-excuse me?"

"i said fuck you. i really don't give a shit about what you have to say anymore." 

you're again trying to barrel past him but he steps in front of the door, scowl etched into his pretty features.

"what? are you mad at me now?" you say mockingly. "well, you don't get to be mad at me. move."

it is genuinely amazing to see beomgyu as he is now. he looks like a child who's floundering for a comeback. 

"w-why are you mad? i'm just looking out for you!" oh, you can't help but laugh in his face at that one. he winces when you do.

"my god, that's rich coming from you. what's the worst that could happen? we go on a couple of dates and then he ghosts me? can't say it hasn't happened before."

"th-that's different!" he sputters, face flushing beet red.

"different how?!" you counter. he’s such a fucking hypocrite. you're not the type to get so riled up, but his words have you seeing red. his next words, even more so.

"you... you don't even like me!"

"and why exactly would i like the man who ghosted me, again? you can kick rocks for all i care!" you try to steady your breathing. blowing up like this right before your first date with jay can't be good for your head. luckily, it seems like beomgyu is still fishing for words when you regain your composure. "whatever. i'm done. goodbye, beomgyu." you reach around him for the door handle, but he slams it shut. 

"what the fuck?!" you exclaim exasperatedly. 

"you don't understand," beomgyu says, voice trembling and eyes scarlet. "hana said you didn't like me." 

"hana? what does hana have to do with — oh." oh.

"she said you didn't like me and thought i was obnoxious. she told me she called and interrupted our date because you wanted her to.” 

“why didn’t you just ask, beomgyu? i liked you!” you exclaim. he ruined everything all because of a few words from someone else? 

“why would i ask when hana told me that you didn’t want anything to do with me?”

"so you believed hana instead of just opening your fucking mouth? what, does she wipe your ass and spoon feed you, too?

“watch your mouth,” beomgyu says lowly. 

“or what?” you taunt with a smirk. “you’ll be mad? is beomie bear gonna lose his temper?” you’re on your tiptoes now, face mere inches away from his. where you got the confidence to provoke the man who towers over you even on the worst of days, you have no idea, but the idea of seeing beomgyu squirm is lighting a fire in you you didn’t know existed. is he gonna hit you? scream in your face? you’re excited to see how he reacts. when his gaze flickers from your smiling eyes to your lips, you don’t even get half a second to question his odd look when his lips come crashing down onto yours. 

his big hands grip the back of your head, holding you in place as he punishes your lips with a force you’ve only ever dreamt about. his lips are chapped and you can taste a hint of his favorite lip balm, which he had smeared on just before his arrival. you’re too shocked to move, you’re too shocked to do anything besides gasp when he bites your bottom lip. he takes your open mouth as permission to shove his warm tongue into it. you want to say the kiss is full of fire, and it is, but there’s an overwhelming sense of gentleness, too. it’s hard to put into words, so instead of trying to, you let yourself melt into the feeling. he takes your acquiescence as a sign to go even further. at this point, he’s practically dragging you over to the couch. you’re surprised at how you don’t even attempt to resist when he pushes you down. you’re seated now and he licks his lips hungrily as he lifts your pathetic excuse for a dress off of your body and tosses it somewhere behind the couch. his eyes alight with something akin to raw anger when he takes note of the fact that you are, in fact, not wearing a bra.

“you were seriously gonna go out like that? what a whore,” he says menacingly. you’re now clad in nothing but your favorite pair of underwear. you would usually feel insecure in front of such an intense gaze, but beomgyu looks at you like he wants to devour every part of you. and he will, with time.

“i thought jay would like it,” you shrug. his eyes burn even brighter and he looks like he’s on the brink of snapping. god, fucking with him is so exhilarating. is this how he feels when he’s trying to get under your skin? maybe you do understand why he antagonizes you, actually. this shit feels amazing.

he kneels down before you and possessively kisses your neck until it's numb — pouring out hot kisses and sucking on the skin there like he’s staking his claim. it’s almost like he’s daring another man to touch you, and he doesn’t have to say anything because it’s like you already understand his intentions, and you revel in it. 

his lips travel down to your breasts and they almost ache in anticipation. cruelly, he avoids your pert nipples and opts to circle his tongue around them, sucking on the soft skin and leaving marks in his wake. one of his hands move down to your underwear and he stops his teasing when he feels how wet you are.

“j-jesus, is all this for me?” you’re too embarrassed to respond. he’s trying to keep his cool, but he’s taken aback by how soaked you are. he was already hard just from the kiss alone, but now he aches. he slides your underwear to the side and actually groans when he sees your slickness for himself. slowly, teasingly, he finds his way to your clit and you let out a soft gasp when he finally touches it. you’re unable to stifle a moan when he gingerly takes one of his long, calloused fingers and begins to push it into your cunt. 

“t-tight!” he hisses. “how am i gonna fit?” you’d roll your eyes in annoyance at his self-aggrandizing words if you could muster up anything other than the feeling of pure bliss as he slides another finger in. he’s kneeling between your legs, and you feel some sort of sick satisfaction as you watch the boy lick his lips before trailing opened-mouth kisses on your thighs as he inches closer and closer to your cunt.

you feel his cool breath against your core and you’re seconds away from begging him to continue, but he seems even more eager than you are as he quickly buries his face into your heat. his first lick is long and slow, but you can feel the vibrations from his moan and it reverberates through your legs all the way to your toes. as if he’s a man starved, he messily licks and sucks on your pussy while pumping his fingers in and out mercilessly. you have to hold onto his long hair, not because you want to hurt him, but because it’s the only thing keeping you sane. when he hooks his fingers, you can’t help but call out his name. 

“b-beomgyu!” his darkened eyes snap up to meet yours while his pace becomes even more punishing and, before you know it, you’re spasming around his fingers. he should stop there, but he continues with little kitten licks until you’re begging him to show you mercy. 

he reluctantly parts from your cunt and you can see evidence of your release dripping down his chin. his messy hair, his soaked face, his fucking everything looks like it’s been branded by you and you can’t help but gulp, heat pooling in your stomach again, far too soon after your intense orgasm. usually, a man would wipe his face and clean himself up, but he does nothing of the sort as he leans towards you and practically pleads with you to kiss him.

“so good, want you to taste it,” he says simply as he pulls you in for another filthy kiss. he looks possessed, almost, by your taste. by your scent. by you.

your cum mixed with the taste of beomgyu himself is like nothing you’ve ever experienced before. he wraps his tongue around yours, as if he’s selflessly just trying to share this new discovery.

he unbuckles his own pants like a madman, hastily yanking them down. so hypnotized, he doesn’t even think to take them off all the way, nevermind his shirt. his cock springs up and it’s thick and long, the angry veins juxtaposing from his perfect, doll-like face. he was right. you don’t know how he’ll fit in your tight pussy.

still, he ruts his bare cock against your throbbing cunt and you both moan when it accidentally catches against your entrance. 

“c-condom?” you ask breathily. 

“p-please, please just let me feel you. i can pull out,” he whines. who are you to say no to a man begging?

“...o-okay,” you begin to choke out, and almost before you can even finish, he’s pushing himself in. you both groan at the feeling. he meets resistance before he’s even halfway in and his eyes redden with a lust so strong it almost scares you. 

“s-so tight, so perfect for me,” he says before pulling out and harshly ramming himself back in, sheathing himself completely in you. your eyes begin to sting with pure pleasure. he sits for a moment, just enjoying the way your pussy sucks him in. nothing in your life has ever made you feel this heavenly. not that you’re going to heaven, especially after this, and certainly not if hana has anything to say about it. oh my god, hana.

“w-wait,” you interrupt before he can pull out again. “we can’t! hana—” 

“don’t give a fuck about hana. j-jus’ want you,” he slurs with that lisp that you love so much. and that’s when he really starts. ruthlessly, he sets his pace. ramming into you as the filthy sounds of skin against skin and slick against slick permeate the room. his head lulls back in sheer ecstasy and you’re crying out his name over and over, like a mantra. it’s the only thing chaining you to reality. that, and his viselike grip on your thighs. 

“so g-good, so warm. never h-had a pussy this good before,” he praises as he continues drilling into you. one of his hands snakes its way to your clit and you’re seeing stars. hot tears spring in your eyes and you’re literally crying as his cock pushes you further and further off the deep end. 

“so fucking good for me. you wouldn't even care if i came inside, would you, slut? walking around in that tiny dress, just begging to be fucked.” 

“n-no! i’m not begging f-for anything,” you manage to choke out.

“really? but you look pretty fucking desperate right now. should i stop?” he asks with a mean smile, slowing down the speed of his hips snapping into yours.

“please don’t! i-i’m sorry. please don’t stop!” you whimper. he wasn’t gonna stop, anyway, but watching tears pour out of your eyes at the mere thought of his cock not being inside of you brings him to another level of smugness.

“shh, it’s okay, baby. i won’t stop. i’ll give you exactly what you need.”

“b-beomie!” you cry. “not gonna last much longer!” 

“me neither, pretty girl. fuck, come with me, okay?” he hisses. 

“come inside?” you plead. he almost stills at this, but his brutal pace never stops despite it all. 

“fuck! i knew that good girl act was a sham. you want me to get you pregnant so everyone knows who you belong to?”

“yes! d-don’t care. just want you,” you whine, mirroring his words from earlier. that’s enough to make him lose himself. his resolve snaps and he’s painting the inside of your walls while you helplessly clench around him. it takes a minute to catch your breath and you can’t help but lock eyes with beomgyu as he stays buried in your warmth. his gaze is still lustful, that much you know, but there’s an unknown feeling teeming in his eyes, too.

gingerly, he pulls out and you both watch as his cum trickles out of you. his eyes are alight with fascination and you don’t doubt for a second that he wants to lap it all up and feed it right back to you, but he doesn’t. he simply grabs your cheeks and pulls you in for another heavy kiss.

“wanted to do this for so long,” he says after you part. 

“how long?” you can’t help but ask. 

“since i saw you sitting alone at the café,” he shrugs and smiles shyly. he’s wanted you since he first saw you, which is enough to make you grin, but the blissful smile is wiped off of your face when you remember beomgyu isn’t just some random guy who’s attracted to you. he’s hana’s boyfriend. 

you know now that she orchestrated the downfall of your relationship with beomgyu, but that doesn’t mean you don’t feel guilty as hell for fucking her boyfriend on her couch. oh my god, what have you done? you fucked your friend’s boyfriend in her own home. not only that, but you fucked raw and even let him come inside. you shiver when you recount his nasty words about getting you pregnant, and he really might’ve. you’re not on the pill or anything. oh god. 

“i-i need to get out of here,” you say frantically. you hurriedly push him off of you and wince when you feel his cum leaking out of your cunt. you stumble to the bedroom, legs still weak from what just transpired, and grab your sweats and snake them back on. 

“what are you doing?” beomgyu asks, confused and somewhat annoyed that you’ve effectively ruined the mood. 

“i’m getting the fuck out of here. this… this whole thing was a mistake,” you say, on the verge of tears. you don't even deserve to cry, honestly, but you want to, anyway.

“a-a mistake? why? wait, don’t go!” he says, stepping in front of you again. 

“beomgyu, are you fucking with me? you’re with hana! why wouldn’t this be a mistake? oh my god, and i-i’m not — i don’t take birth control. we really might’ve… fuck just move, please!” you plead. you think you might be on the verge of a panic attack, tears and snot streaming down your face. you just wish he would fucking move so you could get out of here and start fixing everything because the guilt you feel just by seeing his face is all-consuming. there’s no way you can face hana again after this. you’ll cut her out of your life, and when you’re courageous enough, you’ll tell her what you did to her. you’ll lose hana and all the rest of your friends once they hear about what kind of person you really are. and as for beomgyu, well, knowing hana, she’ll stay with him and you’ll be the homewrecker in this story. 

“hey, shh, it’s okay,” beomgyu coos softly, taking your tear-streaked face in his big, warm hands. “talk to me. what are you thinking?” “i… i ruined everything,” you begin with a sob. “i hurt hana. you hurt hana. a-and everybody’s going to be so fucking mad at me. god, she’s never going to forgive me.” 

“listen,” he says softly while rubbing the pads of his thumbs against the tears falling down your cheeks. “she lied to you, and she lied to me, too.”

“because she loves you, beomgyu. she only did it because she loves you so much,” you argue, tearing your face from his grasp, but he only locks his arms around your waist instead. 

“and what about me? what about how i feel?”

“what are you trying to say?” you sniffle.

“i’m saying i meant it when i said i don’t give a fuck about hana. i’m sorry, but i don’t. i never did,” he says as if he’s coaxing a child. you want to believe his words so fucking badly, but you’ve seen the way they’ve been attached at the hip these past few months and you can’t help but feel like he’s just a) full of shit and/or b) pussydrunk on you. he can sense your apprehension and wants to tear his own hair out in frustration. 

“can i be honest with you?” he asks.

you nod in response.

“i… i only started hanging out with her because i knew she was close to you. i don’t know if it’s because i wanted to get back at you or if i just wanted to see you more. maybe a bit of both, honestly. i-i know that’s wrong, but it’s true.” you’re at a loss for words. all you can ask is:

“why?” he chuckles at this. 

“because i like you, dummy,” he says sweetly while releasing one of the hands that grips your waist, using it to fix up your hair. he likes you? the same beomgyu who has effectively harassed you for the past few months… likes you? 

“you have a fucking hilarious way of showing it. i thought you hated me,” you retort. 

“i was just teasing,” he says softly. “i just wanted you to notice me and nothing i did ever seemed to bother you.”

“well, it did,” you scoff. 

“i’m sorry,” he says sheepishly. “i just like you a lot, okay? i’m sorry for being an asshole. and i’ll make it up to you, i promise.” you want to say okay, but the fact remains that he’s still very much hana’s boyfriend. regardless of his feelings, you still betrayed her and your friends aren’t going to be very understanding of your situation with him. the only chance you have of retaining your friendships now is to cut beomgyu off and beg on your knees for forgiveness. but you like him. you really, really like him. and the temptation to relent is even stronger as he begins to plant kisses on your face along with promises to dump her and, in his words, to “be good from now on”. when his innocent kisses turn lustful and begin to trail down your neck, what else can you do besides agree?

notes pt. 2: so...? i hope this was okay i really do LMFAOO. i have no idea how this will be received. if it's bad, i might delete it because i truly don't know what i'm doing. anyway, feedback is always appreciated! it gives me the confidence to branch out like this so i'd love to hear from y'all :)

permanent taglist*: @my313 @superbbananananana @lonelybutterflytae @cherrycolaberry @everythingvirgoes @beomnoullitheorem @sunny4cast

*minors and ageless blogs on my permanent taglist were not added for obvious reasons. i made the taglist before i decided to make supermodel smut, so if you would like to be removed from this or any future smut works, please message me!

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

Speaking of Lila, her lies really aren't as outlandish as people love to make out at least when you compare them the rest of the classes or just Marinette's

Alix, her father is a curator to the Louvre Museum aka one of the most well-known museums in France. She is also publicly known to be wielding a miraculous

Max not only has a mother that became an astronaut but developed an AI so good that a multi-million dollar company used it for their state-of-the-art prototype space jet which his mother is flying.

Adrien, was not only a supermodel but the son of a famous fashion designer

Rose, spend an entire day with a foreign Prince.

Chloe, the child of the at the time mayor but also the daughter of a famous fashion critic. Her father also runs a hotel that celebrities go to

Juleka, while she only found out about it recently she is the daughter of a world-famous rock star

Marinette, met several celebrities, designed a pair of sunglasses for Jagged Stone, designed a hat that Gabriel and Audrey approved of. her uncle is a world famous chef and her parents own a bakery so successful that they were the ones that the mayor not only hired to cater for his 20-year anniversary but given several episodes seems to regularly goes to.

I think Lila would have worked more if there weren't so many kids in the class with major connections, especially when Lila brings up people some of them know personally or have at least spent time with, like Jagged Stone or Prince Ali.

[tired-fandom-ndn]

I've complained about this before but it feustrates the hell out of me when people say that characters in their mid 20s-30s shouldn't be given gray hair or wrinkles or stretch marks because it makes them look "too old."

I'm in my mid 20s and I have gray hairs. By the time my dad was my age, he'd gone almost entirely gray and he WAS entirely gray by his 30s. A lot of people in their mid to late 20s are finding their first wrinkles, especially around their eyes and foreheads. Pretty much anyone who has gained a lot of weight rapidly, for any reason, has stretch marks, including children and teens; being pregnant is a near 100% guarantee that you'll get stretch marks.

People on this age range are starting to sag and put on weight and getting bifocals and dealing with back pain, maybe even the early signs of arthritis (if they aren't early onset rip). For those of you in your late teens and early 20s thinking that this can't possibly apply to you, sorry, but chances are that this is your near future too. That's just how bodies work.

Don't worry about making your characters look too old; your idea of age has been very heavily warped by characters looking too YOUNG and public figures irl doing everything they can to look young. Most people do not look like 21 year old supermodels with personal trainers.

[greatwyrmgold]

Reading the Amazon Lily arc gave me some thoughts about how One Piece handles women.

I'll start with something positive: The Kuja tribe proves that Eiichiro Oda can draw women who aren't either fat hags or supermodels with I-cups and waists too thin for their intestines. The background characters show almost as much variety in visual design as One Piece's male characters.

On the other hand, this kinda draws attention to the fact that most of One Piece's female characters (especially the named ones) are supermodels with different wigs and sometimes fish tails, while most of the rest are oval-shaped and often have jokes made about how ugly and undesirable they are. (Poor Kokoro.) And to be clear, Oda still defaults to the supermodel shape for lots of the Kuja.

While I'm talking about character design, I'm not a fan of the Kuja tribe's clothes. Most of them wear as little clothing as possible, either a bikini with accessories or unusually skimpy variations on other outfits, like that one Kuja pirate who wears a jacket that leaves her midriff and the middle of her chest bare.

Also, they give Luffy clothes after he arrives, and they're flowery and frilly. Few of the Kuja wear floral clothes and IIRC none have frilly ones; the flowers and frills are just added because they're stereotypically girly, and Oda thought it would be funny to put Luffy in emasculating clothes.

The scene where Luffy accidentally smashes into Boa Hancock's bath was...I'd ask why it had to be her bath and not Hancock doing literally anything else, but I think we know the reason.

Not sure how to feel about Luffy beating up the warrior-women tribe's best warriors without significant effort, even though they're proficient with Haki and he thinks it's that ice sport.* On one hand, it feels awfully close to that stupid trope where women are treated as automatically weaker than men.

On the other hand, the man in question is Monkey D. Luffy, who has fought multiple Warlords of the Sea and usually come out ahead. Also, the Kuja tribe's best warrior, Boa Hancock, doesn't actually fight him. If that status doesn't just come from the Devil Fruit that can't affect Luffy's aroace ass (or any other aroace part of him), maybe a fight between them would have been more even.

*This joke was not made in the actual manga. It should have been, though.

Speaking of Boa Hancock and Luffy, though...the absolute worst part of Kuja Tribe lore is fucking Love Sickness. Apparently some Kuja women suffer literal lovesickness when they fall in love with a guy. It's fatal, unless they leave the island to be with the man they love. Gross.

If Boa Hancock had fallen in love with Luffy after he beat up his sisters, that would have been dumb but tolerable. But making it an actual physiological ailment that's common among the Kuja when they meet men...that feels way too close to saying women need a man to be healthy. I mean, that is literally true for these women who live among other women. And it's apparently a leading cause of death among their empresses. I hate it. Love Sickness should have been damned to editorial hell.

Revealing that the Boa sisters used to be slaves wasn't a big problem. But having that revealed a few chapters apart from Robin getting enslaved on the island she landed on (long story), when that didn't happen to any of the other Straw Hats, when Robin is one of only two women in the Straw Hats...petty, but I mostly want to complain about Robin getting enslaved. I don't think they even put seastone cuffs on her. Why is she just accepting this.

The general tropes about a land of woman being fascinated by the first man they see are a bit irksome, but on reflection, I think they only bother me because of all the other stuff. The Kuja tribe's reactions are mostly expressions of ignorance rather than innately feminine attributes, as expressed in the running gag where they keep assuming that the weird Luffy things Luffy does are what all men must be like. So mark that as another positive.

[mouseratz]

"why are you implying that some people want to transition to look like anime characters"

1. some trans people are kids. you might have weird expectations when you're like 14. I did. Not in this way but about many other things, due to being 14.

2. there are increasing pressures (transphobia, misogyny, transmisogyny) for trans people to be likeable and attractive in any way possible. I do not think it's impossible for someone to wish to be skinny, small, pale, hairless, etc or fear losing some of these traits as part of their transition because they are part of Social Beauty Standards. like. they didn't come out of nowhere. "anime characters" is just a shorthand for this as they are often stylized with these traits & are often seen as cute and attractive & are increasingly popular, especially with teenagers and young adults.

so no, I don't think that's like....a moral crime or some sin against trans people or anime (?) as a concept. it is a shorthand for many real things. maybe you just don't remember being an insecure teenager or didn't spend a lot of time with them as your peers but I haven't forgotten. I think setting healthy realistic goals-

(and embracing them, because you can and will be attractive and likeable regardless, even if you do look like an 'average person'. you don't need to be supermodel beautiful to have a body that you enjoy and feel better about living in. some of the things you are worried about may be the same things you find delight in, want to revel in later. beauty really fucking is in the eye of the beholder, and human bodies are really variable- the primary difference is your agency in it, having the choice to do what you want with your body, and have it feel the way you want it to, as y'know, is physically possible.)

-is incredibly important. it isn't "oh anime characters are sooo ugly and gross because trans people like them" it is "trans kids don't really know what happy trans adults look like Because There Aren't Very Many, so where can they set their expectations?"

[yolowritter]

In Offense to Lila Rossi

O...kay! Am I the only one who sometimes takes offense to Lila's entire existence? Even if she just stands there, looking at her on screen makes me want to grab the nearest pitchfork! So please, allow me to explain why I despise Lila Rossi in Miraculous Canon, and what my delusions say should happen for Season 6 regarding her character! Call it a stich, I'm still doing it because I can!

To kick things off, it's worth establishing what kind of antagonist Lila is supposed to be in the show. She's introduced in the finale of Season 1, Volpina (yes I know some lists have Origins last, but Collector picks up directly after so it's the finale), and from the moment anybody even mentions her, we get the hint that something is fishy. I'm quite sure it's Alya who first approaches Marinette and tells her about this "new girl" who's showed up at school. Apparently, "she" knows famous musicians, is very talented, etcetera. Marinette raises an eyebrow at this, but there's no real reason to question it yet since the audience has already seen that some of those things are true for her as well (see Jagged Stone). All in all, good little bit of foreshadowing and getting people intersted without going overboard.

Then we actually meet Lila in the library with Adrien. She seems pleasant enough, if a little infatuated, but this is Adrien. He has more fangirls that there are ticks on a goat, so he takes it in stride. All in all, Lila is cheery and excitable, happy to spend time with him. Not the most likable character in history, but also not malicious in any way. This is the expected behavior for some random teenager learning she's classmates with a supermodel. And since we get this whole thing from Marinette's point of view, the audience is encouraged to share her suspicions about Lila. We all know how the rest of the episode goes, and I'll get back to this in a sec.

Point is, when Lila first shows up, she seems interesting. Her lies aren't immediately obvious (or at least like 20% plausible given past events), and she appears to be infatuated with Adrien, just like Marinette. Sure, it looks a bit superficial, but who can blame her? We don't know anything about her yet, and it isn't completely outrageous to think that she might be giving out small lies to make herself more popular since she's the "new kid" and all that.

But after Volpina...we don't see her again until Season 3! Excepting Heroes Day Part 2, where she gets re-akumatized into Volpina for the whole illusion thing, I mean. Lila remains a mystery, and so far has been a nuanced character who we have questions about and know to be a cunning liar. Especially since in Volpina, Lila actually is being smart with her lies to Adrien! She plays up her persona of infatuated fangirl and extracts general information about the book he has, and plays off it by giving minimal details and still attracting his interest. It's only once Adrien has shown her the page about the fox heroine that Lila makes up a story about having the Miraculous in her family, and then she immediately goes off to cover her back by buying a fake Fox Miraculous from a "Gabriel" store.

Side note: This is the one and only time we see this happen, and I still have questions as to why Gabriel Agreste is selling jewerly that only someone with the Guardian's Grimoire would know how to design. Dead giveaway, but that's a general plothole in the show, and irrelevant to Lila.

The thing is, I love Lila in Volpina! She actually does manipulate Adrien pretty well, makes sure to subtly get all the information she needs, and then plays her part perfectly, to the point where he's on her side when Ladybug swings by to berate her for lying about having a Miraculous. Granted, Marinette's intense reaction doesn't do her any favors, but nonetheless Lila is actually good at lying in this episode! Now prepare to throw this out the window with Chameleon! Oh, Chameleon! What is even left to say about this episode that the fandom didn't tear to shreds back when it first aired? Welp, doesn't matter! I'm grabbing Hawkmoth's cane and beating the dead horse one last time, just because Lila pissed me off this badly when I re-watched it recently!

I have genuinely researched the lies that Lila spouts out in this episode, and I'm honestly baffled as to why the writing team even put them there? I'd think it takes more effort to think of something this ridiculous rather than a semi-believable lie? Let's break the two most ridiculous ones down real quick. Getting tinitus from being behind a plane engine while it was taking off. Now, I'm assuming Lila also lost a few braincells in this episode, because while while yes, if that were to happen one would have severe hearing damage...we're talking about going completely deaf. Not to mention that you'd have to ignore countless airport security measures to even get there, and that in some countries, it's very much illegal to be on the runway when a plane is taking off. So Lila would have gone completely deaf, forever, not to mention sustained actual injury from being right behind a plane as it's taking off. Do you see why this is so ridiculously unbelievable? And okay, for the sake of argument let's say that people do believe her. Miss Bustier has zero reaction to this information, which would have presumably caused a responsible adult to panic at the idea of a child sustaining such an injury. Clearly, this episode is designed to devour braincells from everyone present.

Then we move onto the moment that still infuriates me, the Napkin Incident™. I'm not going to go into too much detail because we all know the gist. Lila catches a napkin thrown by Marinette with her supposedly "sprained" wrist, and explains the reason she "hurt herself" was to protect Max's eyes from being gouged out! By a napkin, while he's wearing glasses! In addition, Lila blatantly lies about being best friends with Ladybug and having sustained other minor injuries, and all of this makes me honestly upset because I see what they were going for! I can see the vision here!

Lila lying about being best friends with Ladybug to gain Alya's interest! Lila making herself the victim and exploiting Marinette's eagerness to expose her to gather support from her classmates and take away her friends! She even says that's what she plans to do at the end of the episode! But...this never goes anywhere. Lila is almost entirely absent from the remainder of the season, and just...doesn't follow up on this? Instead all we get is Lila getting outrageous lies that require every other character in the room to lose the entirety of their IQ to even be plausible in the slightest. And the plot wants to pretend as if she's a master manipulator when all she does is tell extremely obvious lies that can be very easily disproven!

Even when she pretends Marinette pushed her down the stairs, nobody reacts in the way they should! Bustier and Damocles should have called in the school nurse, or a doctor to check her over, especially since Lila claimed to be in severe pain. It's completely unreasonable for adults to behave they way these two do whenever Lila is involved in anything. My point is that for Lila to be what the show says she is, she needs plot armor. People believe her just because they have to. It's demanded by the script. And it's infuriating!

It would be another thing entirely if Lila slowly approached each and every classmate and systematically inserted herself in situations as the "friend", or used small lies to slowly degrade Marinette's connections with others. She could ensnare Alya with little lies about Ladybug, and then act concerned and worried when Marinette denied everything without any proof (like we already see her do multiple times). And yes, obviously they can't devote another dozen episodes to focus solely on this, but the fact that we never see Lila even try to do it very much undermines her character. The narrative presents her as a master manipulator who pulls the strings from the shadows, and addmittedly she has some good moments like when she frames Marinette for stealing her necklace...but that can easily be disproven by checking security cameras, or by Adrien speaking up. Remember, he was there in Volpina when the necklace was proved a fake, and Lila is using the same lie here.

Not to mention that in each and every case where Lila lies, even in Season 5, the believability of that lie is solely dependant on the sheer incompetence of every (allegedly) responsible adult around her, and the fact that Marinette's classmates are contractually obligated by the script to believe her without a second thought. The problem here is that Lila isn't good at lying. What she says is either outrageous enough to warrant genuine concern if believed (ex: Marinette pushing her down the stairs. No adult would have made this girl walk back up that staircase without first asking if she was hurt and calling in a medical professional) or so plain stupid that it has everyone wondering where their lost braincells may have slipped off to. To give credit where it's due, Lila's manipulation of Chloe in Season 5 is actually pretty great and consistent with what we've been told she's supposed to be.

But...considering that by this point, (regarding Marinette's friends now) Alya knows her best friend is Ladybug, hates Lila, and was clearly right about the girl being a walking red flag...why does it take a DIY bathroom and a literal 300 IQ scheme to prove that Lila has been lying about things? Like, Alya, Adrien and presumably Nino (if anybody bothered to clue him in) should know that she's full of crap, and suspect her. Don't get me wrong, I love Marinette's whole fake bathroom plan. Genuinely made me marvel at how smart she is. But it also shows that the script still treats Lila as an Avengers-level threat...even if at this point in the story, her lies are just bad. We know from Chameleon she can't even keep her own stories straight (see Lila forgetting which ear her tinnitus was on), and this could have been an amazing detail the gang utilized to start convincing the others that she is lying.

The general problem with Lila's canon character is that she's underutilized, barely appears outside of when she absolutely needs to, and fundementally fails to be what she's been writen as, requiring her Villain Plot Armor™ to kick in and steal everyone's braincells away. I absolutely love the whole "Lila is a fox" characterization, because Volpina was literal genius! The metaphors and symbolism of Lila being cunning and always scheming? Amazing! But...what we actually get to see of her in action? Really, really bad. Also, I am not touching her three mothers with a ten foot pole, not until we get a canon explanation. Personally I ascribe to the Scarlet Lady AU version, but we'll see. Even the more obviously ridiculous things, like Lila having a whole secret lair in the Parisian Catacombs...I'd buy it. If there's IRL raves happening down there, then she could totally have a secret villain lair tucked away behind a few crypts or something.

What I wish we had gotten from Lila is honestly not a lot. Instead of just walking up to people and lying her ass off, I'd prefer to see her be more subtle about it. For Nooroo's sake, just get this girl to actually be cunning like all the fox metaphors want you to think! It isn't that hard to write a scene where she plays the "concerned friend" as Cerise to plant seeds of discord. Buggachat did it very well in "Open my Eyes", and it made me absolutely hate Cerise! And that's a good thing! Lila/Cerise/Iris/Whatever-other-identity-she-has-in-her-closet is meant to be hated by the audience! She literally is a "love to hate" character! And in Open My Eyes, Cerise actually did act as the concerned friend, she was subtle, she didn't always lie but sometimes twisted the truth just a little bit, enough to get the doubts to creep inside someone's head. I got so frustrated because I wanted Adrien to figure her out, but couldn't find a logical way for him to do so in the first place! Do you guys get what I'm talking about yet?

Subtle but convincing. Small and unnoticable until it's too late. That's how Lila should be, because it utilizes the most plot threads made by her lies. I can go on and on with specific examples, but I want to actually post this someday so I shall refrain. In conclusion, there are only two types of Lila. "I'm going to burn your house down and smile while doing it, then find a puppy and kick it into a sewer before emotionally scarring someone to the point of needing life-long therapy" Lila.

And the "cunning, sneaky and subtly manipulative fox who drives people insane slowly but surely as she makes them have an existential crisis" Lila.

I vehemently refuse to accept her canon version, and fear for Season 6 if she doesn't change into one of the above, or at the very least stops being so incredibly in-your-face about it. It's infuriating (in a good way) when the characters don't know, but if the lie is as obvious as "How was my weekend? Oh, nothing much! I just went skydiving on Venus, that's all really!" ...do I even need to elaborate? Because that's what Lila sounds like 96% of the time!

Alas, I digress. Feel free to give your opinion about our resident lying wretch, I need to go take a break before her incompetence drives me insane. I'll see you all soon...but until then, Stay Miraculous everyone!

[ravenbloodshot]

honewtly tho im glad i dont fit anyones type it is too much work trying to be a normal average woman and then have to have a sort of ideal image just so someone wouod date me. nahhh id much rather be single until i die. hbu? what vibes do you tend to get from varying idols when you read about their types?

If being single makes you happy, I think you should do it. But don't commit to that bc you think you're out of someone's league (especially celebrities. Most of us aren't even going to meet them, so their ideal types don't really matter). In the regular world, most ppl are average so long as you plan to date regular ppl and not celebs. You should be fine.

For me, even though I'm attractive and probably wouldn't have an issue pulling, I can't see myself dating a celebrity. Let alone an idol. Dating them would be boring as hell and scary asf with how crazy their fans behave. Their life is not glamorous at all to me. The actors are the ones yall should really be looking at, imo.

And like i said in my last post, we can't fault them for liking what they like. They want a supermodel, so be it. They want someone more average, that's okay too.

[lesbianp1lled]

it's so lame that we even have to identify as 'gold star' lesbians at this point in human existence. unless you live in an extremely homophobic country, there just isn't a reason for a gay person to force themself be intimate with the opposite sex, period. that's self-r*pe to any actual gay person and the mere idea has always disgusted me, even when I tried to convince myself I was bi because of comphet lol (I do live in a pretty homophobic country where I've never seen a gay couple hold hands publicly in almost 30 years.. ). I've never accepted even a single date with a man, 0 intimacy (ew), because even despite being able to realize/ accept that I was a lesbian only in my early 20s, I've always instinctively known I'm gay. most people do, and thus physical contact with the opposite sex who we're not attracted to is abhorrent. that's why I think women who've had het sex and still claim to be lesbians are either fakebians or have 0 self-dignity and a desperate need for attention to the point of jumping on a d*ck for societal approval, and I'll never understand that/ f*ck with that. that's the most anti-feminist bs, I know so many straight women who didn't have sex before like 30 because they hadn't met a man they loved and trusted enough. virginity is lauded in women so there's no pressure to be with men either. so there's no justifying being with males while claiming to be a lesbian lol.

I actually needed to went about sth personal as well and since I sadly have no lesbian friends, this is the best option. basically all my relationship attempts have ended tragically because all my crushes have been het or bihet women. I live in a tiny ass country so there simply aren't enough lesbians yet there are thousands of drop-dead-gorgeous het and bihet women and I am simply a woman with eyes, what can I say.. all the actual lesbians tend to be butches, and don't get me wrong, butches have my whole heart, but I'm a femme-for-femme kinda gal, I can't help it. I am conventionally attractive and work hard to stay in shape but I'm no supermodel either and actually insanely beautiful women scare me a bit so I'm just looking for sb on the same level. I don't want to feed into the stereotype about lesbians being unattractive, I don't think that's true. but in my country it tends to be the case, which is especially jarring because the straight women are outstandingly beautiful. ofc looks isn't the main thing I'm looking for but I don't want a romantic relationship with sb I'm not even attracted to. I've tried that and it didn't work, it isn't fair on me nor them.

I've also graduated from every level of education with the highest honors, I'm a uni lecturer since 20, I have my own company, everyone tells me I'm one of the nicest people they know and I still can't find a gf who'd like me as much as I love her?? that's what's truly enraging, to see all these amazing het and bihet women genuinely love and give their all to these misogynistic subpar beer-bellied males who use them as personal maids while I can't find one (1!!) woman to love me as an objectively good-looking feminist they could 100% relate to and be in an equal/ synergetic relationship with.

I'm sorry but heterosexuality truly is a masochistic self-destructive condition in women, I know it's innate but it's true.. inc3ls (including the trans kind) have no idea what real hardship is in dating women. it's seeing the fugliest moids get with the most kind, intelligent, ambitious and hot women only to drain them from life and self-respect and not even appreciate getting with a woman waaay out of their league. while you are on that woman's level but she'll never love you even if she's bi because ultimately you just don't have a nasty dangler in your pants which doesn't even satisfy her anyway. so you just seethe in your justified bitterness and try go on with your life despite feeling like no woman will ever love you, not because you're unlovable or in any way unworthy but simply because you're a woman.

it hurts so much to see all these hot lesbian couples online, it just feels surreal, like where are these women? all I see is obese goofy-looking 'polyamourous' aka promiscuous bihet she/they qWeErs who want to use me as a s3x toy with their disgusting boyfriend.

and this brings me to my ex. she was the one I gave a chance to because she was the first woman to make a move on me, she told me I was perfect, we talked for hours every day for months, went on dates, she fantacized about living in a house together etc, only to randomly ghost me, tell me our relationship meant nothing despite me having admitted to her I was already traumatized by bihet women leading me on. and then ofc she got with some receding neckbeard guy who looks like he could be her uncle not long after lmao. after legit telling me she detests men and would Nevvverr date one again, that I was her perfect woman. so all she gave me was trust issues that all women are secretly bihet c*cksuckers who will eventually leave me no matter how perfect and lovable I am. I know this can't be true but it truly feels like that. she just got married to that male (probably partly for a visa lol) but she certainly tries to convince herself and others desperately she's madly in love with him while watching all of my insta stories in 2.3 seconds for some reason, I've muted her so I found out about her marrying months later.

maybe she knew I was far out of her league and randomly sabotaged our relationship, because it was such a shock out of a blue sky to me. thankfully I wasn't fully in love yet and dodged her (mentally unstable) bullet but we need to address the trauma these bihet women leave us with. because that's entirely valid and not our fault, not everyone has the privilege to date fellow lesbians when finding a real one who isn't a fakebian feels impossible to begin with. I also hate the infantilization of lesbians, she definitely used me for her idiotic little 'sapphic daydreams', f*ck that, we are not some uwu fairies, we are grown women and we are just as entitled to only date people we're physically attracted to as het women. as I said, I wasn't even that attracted to her but the knowledge that she got hetero married while larping as some grand qWeEr feminist who will never date males again hit me like a truck. she's out to the world while I'm only out to my friends and some family because I could be discriminated against at my homophobic workplace. the fkn iront in that.. she even started identifying in plural after meeting him lmaoo, she must've realized that she really is just a measly hetero and no longer has a way 'in' to the lgbt thing she desperately wants to co-opt. she's 100% a poli-qweer lol.

I hate that I'm even allowing myself to be traumatized by her, she's unworthy of that but I can't help it, every romantic experience only worsens my trust issues with women and my current crush is bi as well.. at least she doesn't lie about liking men which is still off-putting but at least she's honest. idk what to do anymore. I'm just livid at this homophobic heteronormative world and the way the hets just keep getting away with it. I nearly threw up at the sight of all het couples today.

and bihets are the worst male-worshippers out there as well, they put up with so much more bs from men than decent self-respecting het women do. and they're desperate to be with a man at all times. some time ago I went out with a bi woman who I didn't know was bi, she presented herself half-virginal, did mention two exes, male and female. but turns out she has slept with every other man in town, brags about it online as if that makes her a 'bad bitch' , no hun, just an unpaid prostitute for patriarchal pleasure.

the only consolation is that het relationships are never equal so they will not have some idyllic marital bliss with their ugly moids as they desperately want to pretend. but still, they have such immeasureable social privilege being het-attracted and -partnered and then they have the audacity to larp as some great qWeEr activist publicly without any shame in their hypocrisy. god I wanna expose her fake ass so badly, tell everyone what a lying bihet charlatan she is. I might never be able to get married in my country because I'm actually gay and she's unapologetically prancing around with a husband when she said she'll never date a man again. as gay people we grapple with so much baseless misplaced shame while the het fakers seem to feel none. meanwhile there are lesbians all over the world forced into loveless het marriages to be r*ped by their husbands. unspeakably disgusting. sometimes I just want to vacate this abhorrent homophobic planet but can't let the homophobes win.

sorry for the long rant but what do you think I should do going forward? I feel like I'm succumbing to complete bitterness and despite not envying the misogynistic relationships of heteros, at least they have the opportunity to be in romantic relationships without fearing being discriminated against, disowned or hate crimed, no matter how flawed their relationships are. meanwhile I'm just getting older, I might still look 18 but I feel like I'll die before a woman of worth will ever reciprocate my love. where to move, where are the actual lesbians?? how to deal with the bilious defeatism and, tbh unfortunately justified victim mentality?

I'm sure a lot of lesbians can relate to my experiences and I would really appreciate them sharing how they got out of this hole/ repeating pattern of dating women who were beneath them and unable to actually love women romantically/ sexually. at this point I'd do anything to even have a woman sexually objectify me at least 😩

oh, and what's notable is that despite never having been in a proper committed relationship and having these failed traumatic attempts, I have never resented women as a whole. women owe me nothing, but the women who have literally thrown themself at me only to lead me on like I begged them not to deserve no remorse. and I haven't lost my mind or general will to live either, I thrive academically and at work, I entertain myself and enjoy my time with family and friends. I don't normally hate on other people in relationships for no reason either, just in a really bad place rn lol. I think it's important to note for all of the lesbophobes out there who call us 'lescels' and compare us to r*pe-loving misogynistic incels who think they should own women as sex toys. I've never resented a woman like that even if she's hurt me beyond words, that shit is just degenerate y-chromosome scrote coded. lesbians will never be able to oppress women, not even if some have unrightful disdain against women because we are the ones oppressed by hetero-attracted women.

also hate we have to identify as gold star lesbians because surely it makes sense that a lesbian wouldn’t ever sleep with a man? But so many call themselves lesbians even if they have slept with a man which is a false identity for them because a lesbian just wouldn’t sleep with a man. But the whole ‘gold star lesbian’ thing started as a way for straights to make fun of us. They’d say “Oh you haven’t slept with a man? Do u want a GOLD STAR?” so when I call myself a gold star lesbian i’m mostly just reclaiming it and saying yeah I am proud of it, and yeah give me a gold star! Lmao

I won’t go into everything you said because i’ll be here all night but I’m also a femme mostly attracted to other femmes and it is true most lesbians are butches which makes our dating pool even smaller. I don’t rule out butches completely, I have found some attractive I’m just mostly attracted to femmes and I’ve never met a butch irl I’ve known other femme lesbians though.

What I think you should do moving forward? Is not to lose hope. I believe there is someone out there for everyone. Get in touch with the local community, if you don’t like going to nightclubs u could always join any events or anything like that, a good way to feel in touch with ur local community can be things like volenteering and the like.

I know it’s hard out here for lesbians but you will find your person. My dms are always open if u wanna vent or just talk!

[pinesfamilyguidetotheweird]

There's something I wanted to share, something that kinda saved me from my several burnouts with Cipher's Will.

The existence of Expy characters.

Basically characters that are either loosely or (usually) deliberately based off an already existing character.

I have technically made one already for a Hazbin Hotel fic. I say technically because the character design was not mine, but was shown briefly in the pilot: a hispanic looking demoness who was present during Charlie's interview. I loved her design and decided to make a fic based around her even though she didn't really have...anything to write about. So, I based her off the La Llorona legend with a bit of Blue Diamond in terms of feeling great lament and making other sinners cry in her woe.

When I remembered this, I decided to write characters based on ones that I liked.

I figured if I did this, I'd have a bet more freedom because I felt so much pressure with the crossover characters as I wanted to add basically everything that was connected to that character and it was part of the reason I was burning out.

The beauty of expies to me is to take these characters and kinda give them a new breath of fresh air, especially since they're based off my favs.

I'm not really sure if you can call them OCs...then again, originality is kinda hard to come by.

Plus, I've been wanting something specific and those specifics fit the already existing characters, buuuut...(reasons above). Not only that, but I was gonna be upfront about it anyways, sooo...

Really though, I'd like to use these characters outside of Cipher's Will and I'm gonna do just that.

Rimona Ethon-Jess

She is a singer and supermodel and daughter of a lesbian couple. I've based her on Garnet from Steven Universe. Really, the only differences between these two is Rimona's lack of Gems on her hands, future visions (or rather she might have some level of clairvoyance, just not the level of Garnet), and a third eye (though she does wear a bindi at times for meditative purposes).

She has two adoptive kids, Twig and Molly Westwood.

Yes, those are the names Anne used for her 'Shut In' story. As for the surname, its a reference to Humphrey Westwood (who's basically a human expy of Hop-Pop...shoot, remember the Curator?). Now, whether or not these characters are related is up to you. Twig is set to be Dipper's new friend usually with his return to the Falls (whenever that happens) whereas Molly kinda does her own thing, though she does become a fan of McGucket labs.

Next up is another character based on a character in Steven Universe, Glenn Finnegan.

He's a robotics prodigy from Ireland and a four-limbed amputee. He's also a freelance hacker and a gamer and has built a little robotic companion, plus a few pet plants.

Yet another character based on a Steven Universe character, plus others, Alexei Akoyevich Agapov

A slightly effeminate Russian-Japanese retired ice skater now cafe owner. He has a bit of Pearl's personality and body type and a bit of Fai D Flourite’s personality and fences as a hobby. He lives with his long term boyfriend.

The next character is interesting: Marilyn Rosenstein.

Yes. THAT Marilyn Rosenstein mentioned in Journal 3. I started to generate an idea that Marilyn was already an existing character and just so happens to share a lot in common with Eda (hell, I think Eda is an expy of Ryoko Hakubi), even with how she looked and that's how Eda was able to blend in. Heck, Marilyn also just so happens to be a witch too (albeit of the Earth variety). She lacks a golden tooth and curse, though. Now...Did Stan meet Marilyn first or was it always Eda? You decide!

Similar to Rimona, Marilyn has also two wards, two anthropomorphic wolves named Fenny and Yue.

Fenny is the youngest of the two, being slightly younger than Gideon, and Yue is around the same age as Wendy and her friends. Fenny and Yue aren't related to each other, though Yue was found with Fenny. Fenny is physically similar to King Clawthorne and can be demanding at times and likes to go on adventures. As for Yue, they're like a mix between Loona from Helluva Boss and Amethyst, though a little more on the brooding shy side, similar to Loona.

---------------------------------------

Annnnd, that's about it!

I do have original characters that...I'm not entirely sure if they could be expies too, lol.

Here, let me share a few.

Seiko Habutai

She is shown in the first chapter of Back in the Falls. I kinda wanted her to be almost the opposite of Wendy (more ladylike and proper, the Ojou-Sama, if you will), but that doesn't stop her from getting dirty if she has to be.

Ashe

A dark skinned elf, who is also set to be a friend of Dipper. Speaking of elves, they are different here from what is shown in media. First off, the tribe Ashe is from is kind of a hippie type of group (basically how I would imagine elves could be portrayed in Gravity Falls.) The other is actually something that isn't used often in any media, the elves (or at least Ashe's race) are hollow inside. Like, there is nothing in their bodies. No bones, no organs, no soul. Nothing. ...I'm sure that not a lot of angst will come about this for Ashe...

Professor Esther Ratselgast

She's mentioned in the second chapter of Back in the Falls. She was Ford's Quantum Physics teacher back in college. Somehow still alive despite her advanced age. She's also dressed in clothes that seem out of the Victorian era. She is currently working for a man named Adair Samler. Speaking of...

Adair Samler, the last OC I'm willing to share right now (this has gone on long enough as it is)

He appears to be a middle-aged man with silvery hair and small glasses. He's the current director of the Oregon branch of the ALMA Foundation (GF equivalent of the SCP Foundation. I will say that some of his inspiration is that of Ozpin from RWBY, by being a little bit mysterious.

----------------------------------

And there we have it! Similar with the Expy characters, I'm gonna use these OCs outside of Cipher's Will if they are needed in that story.

[xelinezeddiorsstuff]

Ch 2: New beginnings...?

"Nice to meet you."

It's been 5 hours now, my eyes are puffy as hell. I've been crying for two hours, at first I yelled at shit then I watched a show which turned out to be a bad idea since now I'm crying because of a breakup scene. The Ice cream is finished and thrown away now, the wine I haven't opened just yet. I stopped for a minute, I didn't completely stop since I was still sniffling and tears were still falling.

I stood up and finally grabbed the box that Mark had given me. It was small, I was hoping that it wasn't jewelry because knowing my Serena nature I would not be able to control my urge to value it like treasure when it came from the hands of a man whose feelings were about his future and not mine. I open the box only to see that it had inside that said "I'm sorry." I immediately crumpled it and threw it in my trash can. There was confetti but I froze when I finally revealed that the gift was the bracelet I made for him when we started dating.

I started sobbing again since the meaning of that was when I made him that bracelet and gave it to him, he would only give it back to me when he finds someone much better. Young me believed him when he said that I will never be replaced but now I cry thinking that the promise that he promised 16 year old me was now broken. I spent so much time on that bracelet but now I wanted to destroy every way you can but my Serena nature kicked in, I just held it tightly clutching near my chest since that meant so much to me. I pull out the one you had when you taught him how to make said bracelet and put them both on the table sobbing while looking at the both of them. 

------- 

I stopped crying after a while, my eyes hurt so much. Even with my eyes hurting I decided to be stupid and open my phone. Bad idea because I forgot to unfollow and I saw his latest tweet. Shit. 

I can't fucking believe it. The famous supermodel Ysa? He was dating her and got her knocked up. I thought he knew how to have safe sex especially when we talked about it when it came to my boundaries for that topic since we were still preparing for it. But now I know that he's been sleeping with someone, that someone being the person I found an inspiration for my clothes and style with. I was so frustrated, I didn't know what to do, even being a psychology major you still have instances of not knowing what to do in different scenarios like this. I knew it ever since they both were in the same commercial, I had a strong gut feeling but I guess Ysa’s gut is feeling something now huh. 

In the heat of it all, I was impulsive. I took the bottle of wine and took a huge gulp from it. Another, another, and another gulp. Then I called my boss, and told him that I was quitting my job and started to rant to him about what happened that day. The next thing I remember was that I was on the goddamn floor with the wine from last night. 

I remember waking up in a wavy room? Shit it’s the hangover, I tried standing up despite my arms and legs feeling loopy. My head was spinning and my mind was just waking holy shit. Once my brain was semi awake, someone was banging at my door. 

"Isla! Tanghaling tapat na! Di ka pa nagigising?!" (Isla! It's Twelve noon already! Aren't you going to wake up?!") My auntie yelled as today was one of her free days. "Gising na po!" (Awake already!) I yelled groggily, everything is still spinning, the pain in my head just got worse, and worst of all I feel like I'm about to hurl everywhere.

*Slam*  My door barges open, my auntie goes towards me and looks at me up and down and gives me a disappointed look. "Jusko Lord Isla. Di ka naawa sa sarili mo ha? Nagtretrending ang boyfriend si Mark sa TV na ipapakasal na siya. Kabet ka lang pala?" (For christ sake Isla, Don't you feel sorry for yourself? Your boyfriends have been trending on TV with news of him getting married. Are you a side chick now?) My auntie questions so invasively while I am still trying to control my hangover. I wished she didn't have to know but Mark was dating a famous model. I took a deep breath in and just shook my head. I didn't want to answer her now because my priority was to get out of my hangover and start my day officially. 

"Ano? Di ka sasagot?" (What? Are you not going to answer?) My aunt asked, crossing her arms. I took a deep but shaky breath "Siya ang nanloko, hindi ako kabit. Nabuntis niya yung babae na yan." (He's the one who cheated, I never became a side chick of his. He got the model pregnant.) I said groggily and angrily and stood up to go to the bathroom to brush my teeth. 

"Yan kasi, lagi ka nalang nandito eh. Yan tuloy na loko ka. Sayang pa naman ang pogi ba rin naman ni Mark '' (That's because, you're always here stuck at home. And now there you go you got cheated on. Such a waste as well, Mark was very good looking.) I put the toothbrush down and put it down on my sink and turned to look my auntie in the eye. I was mad, not only did she just invalidate how I got cheated on but she was taking HIS side on that just because of my job in which she forced me to take inside of the house only. That’s it I’m not taking anymore of this, I’m gonna push this a quarter towards speaking about this situation and most of it 

 "I got cheated on because it was his choice. He had no right to cheat on me when he has always told and promised me that he will be patient towards me and my career matters no matter what. and maybe you may have forgotten but I'm a cumlaude of B.S Psychology I study these types of issues within a human mind. If he was that easily tempted by some girl who struts on a catwalk wearing pieces of clothing that are considered by the privileged as art then he was not the one for me at all. And second of all, don't use my job as the reason because you were the person who forced me to work from home. You know what? I'm not gonna work from home anymore since I'm going to be taking that job that Kuya showed me." I yelled each and every single one. I know that my actions weren't controlled during that time but I couldn't think straight as well since I was really in a bad hangover and she was getting on my nerves. 

Next thing I know after I said that Slap! My aunt slapped me in the face. I held on to the cheek that she slapped as soon as it was done, tears were forming, and I was scared.

"Abah sumasagot ka na. Sino ba nag sabi saiyo na papayagan ka mag work ka outside of the house ha? Akala mo maka survive ka na wala ako? Ha! Tignan mo lang Isla." (Wow you're talking back now. Who told you that you could work outside of the house? You think you can survive without me? Ha! You'll see, Isla.) My auntie yelled before going away and slamming the door. 

"Tangina naman, ang ganda ng buhay sobra."(For fucks sake, life is beautiful really beautiful.) I sarcastically yelled. 

'Oh I'll show you, I'll show all of you'  I thought to myself before drinking my pain killers and trying to get out of my hangover.. 

The anger was still there, no matter what, it was there. I knew my Auntie loved Mark, even though she tried to put me in an arranged marriage beforehand when she knew I had a boyfriend but once she met him, you could just tell that she already making wedding plans. My aunt would involve him in everything after that, making him feel like family. I get that she's mad, but that anger shouldn't be directed at me, I'm not the one who fucking cheated.

Once I did, the first thing I did was eat breakfast and drink plenty of water then I transferred my clients files since well I impulsively quit my job because of my stupid drunk self. Then delete them all after I have transferred all. Some of my patients reached out and thanked me for treating them well and giving them hope for themselves in which for me made the job worthwhile.

 And then started to work on my interview, I did research on the school, on what interview questions they would ask, on what kinds of interview questions I can have. This job feels like its calling me, meaning I really have to do well on this interview. I even learned about the staff, the principal, the PE teacher, The Werewolf sex education teacher, The Botany teacher, and many more.

This is my chance to prove to Tita that I have a chance. So that's all I did all day before the interview. It was the same routine: wake up early, swim in the ocean, argue with my auntie, eat breakfast, then the whole day I prepared for my interview. 

Sure it's unhealthy of me to overwork myself to do well in this interview but, I'm not going to let Mark win by just sulking and missing him. No, he gave me this opportunity to make a name for myself and now I'm doing it. And this was also a way to prove to my auntie that I could be on my own now, I could go out and meet people like me. And never ever go back to being isolated. Which is why I’m treating this like it was my bar exam.

------------------------------------

The day of the interview 

The alarm I set was two hours before the interview. For the first time in a while, I made myself breakfast, the classic egg and longganissa breakfast, brushed my teeth, took a warm and peaceful shower, and did some house chores so that Kuya won't have to worry much later.

I picked out what to wear and then settled on my favourite but not frequently used pink suit.

I was preparing for the interview when I heard a knock on my door. "Come in, I'm done changing." I answered while putting a pink blazer on for my interview. My cousin came in with something in his hand. "Ayyy, she's getting ready na, how are you feeling?" He asked while looking around me to see if I had any flaws with the formal wear I was wearing. "I'm a bit nervous, but at the same time, I'm excited because this whole thing is gonna be so new to me." I said while straightening my jacket. 

He looked at his watch, and it was almost time for him to go, also nearing the time when my interview was going to start. "Aalis na ako ha? Good luck sayo, Isla." (I'll get going already, Goodluck Isla) He hugged me tightly. "HOY KUYA YUNG BLAZER GUGUSOT YAN." (HEY KUYA, MY BLAZER IS GONNA GET CRUMPLED)  I shouted while playfully slapping him. He laughed, then let down before saying his final goodbye. I straightened my blazer once again and checked the time it was almost my interview. 

My tita walked and saw me before I was going to sit down on my desk. She gave me a glare then walked up to me. “Kahit kelan eh noh, lagi nalang ako mali, lagi na lang ikaw ang tama. Sana di ka papasa dito, sinasabi ko na sayo na di safe sa labas pero gagawin mo parin toh” (Everytime everywhere, I’m the one who's always wrong. You’re the one who’s always right. I hope you don’t pass this interview, I already told you it's not safe out there and yet you still do this.) My aunt then left. ‘Wala naman goodluck diyan putangina?’ (Not even goodluck there fuck this)

I slammed my palm against the wall when I heard my auntie go out of the house. I was frustrated.

Ever since my mom died, she has been this asshole, from making me transfer to a public school where I got bullied just from coming from a private school to nearly forcing me to date a guy when she knew I was dating Mark until she saw him. I don't know what she thinks that was going to do when she did all of those, but I finally rebelled when I chose to choose psychology instead of modelling like Mark.

That was the first time I rebelled, normally I would have felt bad like when I was in highschool and I would extend just a little bit to get a taste of street food due to how hungry I was at that time but when I did so, I would always apologize and get grounded.

I collected myself and started doing breathing exercises. This made me calm down for a while, but it was obvious that I was pissed but not to worry since I'm able to control my emotions when it came to serious settings, or so I hope.

I sat on my desk and clicked on the zoom link they sent me. While I was waiting the nerves kept going up to me while I waited for the call. I really want this to work or else I'm letting my tita control which I do not want anymore. 

All those thoughts stopped when someone entered the Zoom call. She had wavy medium red hair, wearing a brown cardigan, those thick framed glasses. I was stunned for some reason. She looked to be older than and definitely not the principal I saw on the website. It was.. 

"Good morning there in the Philippines. I'm Marilyn Thornhill, the botany teacher of Nevermore and I'm here to be your interviewer. I’m sorry for the sudden change of interviewer, Miss Weems had to take care of something and I was here already so.., Miss Isla are you ready?”

[niningtori]

supermodel | preview

pairing: choi beomgyu x you

genre(s): angst and romance

you do not like beomgyu. you don't like the way he keeps his hair so long, or the way he tucks it behind his ears when he's focused. you don't like that he has the same music taste as you and how much of a snob he is about it. you don't like the way he laughs obnoxiously loud and you especially don't like the way his cheeks dimple like little whiskers when he does it. no, you don't like beomgyu one bit.

it hasn't always been like this. there was a time, albeit brief and fleeting, that you really liked the aforementioned grievances you've grown to hate so much. in fact, you liked them so much, you even liked the boy himself. that ship has sailed, though. and it sails further and further as you watch him cuddle up even closer to one of your closest friends, hana. you aren't a bitter person, really. you're usually pretty laidback, all things considered, so when hana asked you if she could date the boy who ghosted you after three (what you thought were) really successful dates, you said yes.

do you regret agreeing? well, how can you regret it when hana looks so happy? in fact, she looks happier than ever as beomgyu discreetly places his hand on her inner thigh. oh man. you think you're gonna be sick.

notes: new fic idea finally coming to fruition! it's called supermodel because the sza song is what's inspiring it. i'm so excited for this one... i have no idea when it'll come out or how long it'll be but i DO know she's plaguing my mind rn and won't leave me alone. if you haven't already, feel free to msg me or comment down below to join my permanent* taglist :*

[rotationalsymmetry]

Writing female characters that some people find sexually attractive isn't a problem.

The problems are 1. lack of body diversity (ie some women and girls aren't seeing people like them in media) and 2. when a female character doesn't have anything going on with her other than sex appeal, especially when that's all the female characters.

The second one is actually still a problem when the female character isn't sexy and is, eg, filling a nagging wife trope. There's lots of ways to write characters with no there there, but it's easier to observe a presence than an absence so people tend to complain about the sexy part as though that was the problem. (Kind of like people latched onto the "quirky" aspect of the manic pixie dream girl critique even though the point was the lack of interiority.)

And lack of body diversity is also independent of whoever's being sexualized. If you only have thin white or white-ish able bodied women it doesn't matter if they're all covered collarbones to ankles, there's still an absence of fat characters, darker skinned characters, etc.

Like for me, I get repulsed by shows that have a mostly conventionally attractive women presented as being sexy, which is why I never got into Buffy, which has the unfortunate side effect that shows that just don't have a lot of women don't bother me in the same way. But the issue isn't the sexy. It's wanting to see someone like me on screen -- wanting to see a woman who dresses like me and has my priorities, and you don't look like a supermodel if you have my priorities, that shit takes serious effort -- and seeing something that's kind of more like me in some ways but emphatically not me in others. It's the implicit "you should look like this." But that only happens because that's the only way that women look on TV. If women on TV looked a bunch of different ways, it wouldn't be an issue that some are thin and wear makeup and have that particular wavy hairstyle you know? Some women like to look that way that's fine.

Parker in Leverage wears lipstick, not just when she's putting on a role but always. Why is Parker putting on lipstick to be a cat burglar. Raised by wolves Parker. No stabbing Wednesdays Parker. Used to be part of a carjacking ring when she was like ten Parker. Doesn't understand the point of plants Parker. She would not do that.

[lindyloosims]

Do you relate to any of your ocs? If yes, why? 🚨 Send this to 10 simblrs you adore ❤️

These are so late but I have some rare free time so I'm finally getting round to them.

Hallie Campbell and Lainie Robertson

They're both shy, they lack self confidence, they don't think they're conventionally pretty and aren't built like supermodels, just ordinary everyday girls. They both have gorgeous boys madly in love with them and they don't understand why, they don't feel worthy of them when they totally are. To tell the truth I based them around myself, especially Hallie who has both of my conditions, PCOS and Hypothyroidism, she's blonde with dark sapphire blue eyes as is Lainie who also cooks and bakes. So yes I can relate to many of my OCs because I put a little bit of me in them every time because when you write about what you know best, you rarely run out of words to tell your story.

(OMG that is so sad)😂😂😂

[atwoodsfemalefantasy]

MORE! CONFIDENT! FEMALE! CHARACTERS!

and i don't mean a Tahani type of confidence, a "she's confident because she's naturally good at everything". i mean confident women like men get to be confident. confident despite...kind of just being average. confident even though they're a loser. like, crazy levels of self worth despite being a kind-of-jerky loser. if men get to be confident while being perfectly average and kind of douche-y, then give me the women who love themselves fully and think they are THE SHITTTT even if they're just kind of some girl.

i want this A) because men get to be obnoxiously confident all the damn time even if they're the worst person on earth, and goddamnit, women should be too and B) because we're all just some girl when it comes down to it. most of us aren't Tahani. most of us aren't famous. most of us are just...people. amazing people! kind people! talented people! great people! but still. no one famous. just people. and you know what? us girls deserve to be confident. even if we aren't the most perfect supermodel. even if we aren't super successful. all women deserve crazy confidence. we deserve to be confident even if we aren't "the best" (which doesn't exist btw) because men get to feel like they're the shit when they're just guys. we deserve self love even if we aren't perfect. i'm tired of people framing self love as this thing that you get when you're gorgeous and slim-thick and perfect. self love is for everybody. we are all the shit. all of us women. the. shit. and honestly, all of you girls reading this, you are perfect!! but you don't need to be flawless, in men's eyes or your own, to be worthy of self love. this goes triple for women who don't fit male beauty standards, especially you (gorgeous) larger girls. i'm sick of bigger girls having fun in public or posting online or wearing revealing clothes and being told that their self love is wrong because of their appearance. nope! every girls appearance is perfect actually, and i know it seems contradictory, but also none of our appearances are flawless. and still, each and every one of us deserves self love!!

the point is. all of us are loser girl Eleanor Shellstrops sometimes (TM). and we should still love ourselves. have confidence. hell, girls and women out there, have more confidence than you think you deserve! because men get to! and we should get to as well!

and never forget. Loser Girl Eleanor Shellstrop? she went on to save the world. so yeah. it's okay to not be flawless. but we all deserve to have crazy amounts of self confidence about it because we all rock. women rock. even the loser girls among us (me 100% included as a Loser Girl).

and if you can't find confidence and self love for yourself (lord knows i struggle with it), here's a tip. be confident out of pure spite. be confident because men who want to control you hate it. be confident because hell, men get to so you can too! be confident girls!! because we rule!!

I wish we had more female characters like Eleanor Shellstrop. One of the most unlikable people you've ever met. Read a Buzzfeed article on most rude things you can do on a daily basis and decided to use that as a list of goals. Makes everyone's day worse just by being there. Dropped a margarita mix on the ground and tried to pick it up, only to get hit by a row of shopping carts which pushed her into the road where she was hit by a boner pill delivery truck, killing her instantly. Cannot keep a romantic partner despite being bisexual. Had a terrible childhood but will die before she gets therapy. Best employee at a scam company. Just the worst but also can't help but root for her to improve.

Absolute loser. Girl-failure. Bad at almost everything. Literally perfect female character.

[luvsmes]

Does anyone else ever just get this overwhelming feeling of envy that gets so bad you start to feel sick? Cause me too. I don't even know why I feel the way I do. I have no reason to. My brain just keeps making up scenarios that just get the jealousy flowing. I hate the way my stupid brain works. I also hate my body and my life. Not because it's bad "but because when you hate your brain and your body, it's kinda hard to enjoy the rest" I honestly felt that when Rue was explaining how Jules felt. I'm so happy euphoria is coming back for a third season! It's my comfort show and I honestly see myself a little in everyone of the characters. Back to the jealousy thing though, it's always been my dream to become a supermodel, and every year theres this north American company that goes around north america scouting youth aged 3-18 to do fashion shows, I did the show last year for the first time and I wanna do it again so bad, but it's so expensive and I don't know if we can afford it again. I'm just absolutely mortified of failure and my brain has managed to convince me that if I don't do this show it won't be good for me. I'm just so overwhelmed and so jealous of those who have the money to pay for these things. My family isn't necessarily poor but we aren't rich either, especially not in this economy. For a while I managed to convince myself to believe that we'd win the lottery if I prayed hard enough.. It hasn't happened but that doesn't mean there isn't a bit of hope left. I honestly just wish I was born a nepo baby to two rich and famous parents with plenty of connections in all fields of entertainment. I have the talent and I've been told I have the look (although I don't always see it) but not the connections.. I wish I could just fast forward time to when I'd already achieved everything I wanted and was at a happy place in life. I'm tired of my life and on top of that today's sunday and I have to start that horrendous cycle of school again tomorrow. Atleast I don't have school from Thursday - Monday but still I hate school. High school sucks and they better not be lying when they say it gets better. I also absolutely despise P.E and I hate having it in the morning, I hate having to walk around school feeling gross for 5.5 hours. I can't wait to get my license and be able to drive the car to school everyday and just skip that hell spawn of a class. I just wanna be successful, happy and famous already. Is that too much to ask?

xoxo, luvsmes.