#especially when they already had a perfect Reed that everyone loved on screen WHAT????

[bbyboybucket]

You know how in Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Maddie says how she looks like Sharpay and everyone’s like “nah I don’t see it”. Well they should bring Chris Evan’s back for fantastic four and just do that, just have everyone has light Johnny into thinking he looks nothing like Captain America, problem solved 🥰🥰🥰

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 117

117

   Lance was slowly dying inside, thanks to his dramatic flare for extremes. How he was sweating up a storm he didn’t know. He’d shed his jacket, now tied around Keith waist, as Kosmo tugged him onwards. It was hot. He’d gone from one extreme to another and questioned if he really was a tropical vampire. It was unusual for him to get this warm, his stomach gurgling as he followed his friends through the woods to where Matt and Rieva had been the previous night. He didn’t doubt their directional skills, able to pick up where Matt had marked trees along the way. The trees Kosmo seemed to really want to pee on matching Matt’s scent.

  Ahead of him, Keith had his camera out, stopping whenever anything took his fancy. Pidge had been a total poser, roping Curtis and Hunk into helping her onto fallen trees for the perfect shot. It really was only him who was slowing the group down, thankfully able to blame it on Kosmo, mentally promising extra belly rubs and treats for him later. Nature was nice. Garrison had a couple of wooded areas but nothing like this... the only problem was the humidity. He was not a “humid vampire”.  Rieva checking on him from time to time, making him paranoid that she knew. It didn’t help that he kept moving his hand to stomach without thinking. Feeling Kosmo tug on his lead a little too hard, Lance lurched with him, world spinning as smacked into the closest tree. “Not far” in werewolf speak seemed very fucking far as he rubbed his shoulder.

  Having seen what happened, Matt laughed at him

“Dude, you’re asleep on your feet”

“Fuck off, Kosmo has to pee every two minutes”

“Let me take him”

Nooooo. He’d lose his excuse for lagging

“I’ve got him. I’m not letting you corrupt my fur son”

“Don’t come crying to me when you...”

Matt’s words becoming a predication as he tripped over his own feet, glasses going flying as Kosmo jumped on him, yipping as he did

“... trip. Damn... Keith, your boyfriend’s klutz is in overdrive”

Jogging back to him, Keith pulled Kosmo back

“Give us a moment, we’ll...”

Being viciously attacked by a tree, followed by tripping, Lance sighed as he flopped sideways, sprawling out against the cool ground

“Babe!”

     “Here, give him some water. It’s pretty hot in here”

Shay offered her water bottle, Keith pulling out his own to offer Lance

“Guys, we’re going to take a break here. You guys go ahead”

“If he’s not feeling well, shouldn’t we turn back”

Fucking... fuck. Just... fuck. Someone shoot him. Shoot him and bury him here

“I’m fine. Just hot. Gimme a moment I’ll be good to go”

“You haven’t been well since we got here...”

“I’m fine, Shay. My body likes to either torture me with freezing my arse off or making me like I’ve landed on the surface of the sun”

“Are you sure? You look very pale”

“I’m fine. Sorry, Guys. Chocolate and hiking doesn’t seem to suit me. I don’t think I’m made for the wild outdoors”

Lance sent a mental apology to Hunk over Shay being so considerate, Hunk clearing his throat

“I can stay with you... if you want?”

“Nah, man. Shay’s totally loving this wild and manly adventurer look on you. We’ll catch up in a few”

  None of his friends were sure about leaving. Pidge and Hunk thinking of him too humanly. Shiro awkwardly holding Curtis’s hand, the lie probably weighing heavily on him. Matt and Rieva were sympathetic, but knew he always threw up when he ate. Begging Matt with his eyes, Matt sighed at him

“If you two losers aren’t there in the next five minutes, I’m coming back to kick your arses”

“Sounds good. Seriously guys, don’t hike and snack”

  Leaving them behind, Keith took him by the arm and pulled him away from the middle of the track. Sitting him down at the base of a tree, Lance was grateful Kosmo and Matt hadn’t peed against it

“You look hot. Do you have a fever?”

“Nah. Too much human food and heat. You could have gone with them”

“I’m not leaving you behind. I didn’t think you felt so sick”

“I don’t really. A bit dizzy but I’m okay”

Keith unclipped the handle part of Kosmo’s lead, extending it as far it went then clipping into place around his ankle so Kosmo wouldn’t wander off

“Water?”

“Please”

Sure. It’d come up. But he needed something to cool him back down.

  Drinking carefully from Keith’s water bottle, he passed it back. The others were fussing over him. Shay especially

“Babe... do you think we should tell Shay?”

Keith hummed

“I don’t know. She’ll probably freak”

“She’s already worried. I hate it...”

“I know. The others will look after her”

“Hunk and Pidge are worried too. I’m not usually like this camping”

“You’re worrying too much. Hunk asked me if this was normal when I was doing the dishes. I told him it’s because you have no self control when he’s cooking”

“That’s true... He’s such an amazing cook. I really want him to open his own place up. I don’t think I’d stop eating if he did”

“I think we’d all be fat if we lived off his cooking. He’s better than most chefs at the places in Rome”

“I’m not surprised... Babe, I’m okay. I was hot before, but I’m cooling down”

“You flopped on the ground”

“Because it’s nice and cool. Woodlands and forests have their own micro-climates... I don’t think I do humidity well”

“Better than snow?”

“Everything’s better than snow. You didn’t have to wait back with me”

“I told you it’s fine, and it is. How do your feet feel?”

  Lance tapped his heels together three times, finding himself still trapped in the toe eating boots

“Not too bad. Not as bad as my stomach, I’m like hungry again”

“Did you want to eat?”

“I didn’t bring... oh. No. No. I’ll be okay”

“Babe, that’s not what I’m asking”

“I know what you’re asking. The smell was super strong in the cabin, it’s like stuck in my nose or something”

“If you want...”

“We talked about this”

Keith sighed heavily. Yeah. He didn’t like Lance saying no

“I know, but you’ve been slowing down and you walked into a tree”

“I didn’t walk, I was pulled into by Kosmo. Matt scented the area last night and he’s trying to scent over it all”

“I still think if you’re hungry...”

“I’ll be fine. Just the change in weather or something. To think I was wrapped up and baking in front of the fire yesterday and here we are today”

“It is pretty extreme. I know it’s late to ask, but do you know where the others are?”

  Lance suppressed rolling his eyes at Keith

“Yeah. I can hear them and I can smell them. They haven’t reached this mythical pond yet”

“I thought it was going to be closer to camp”

“Apparently werewolves like to overestimate things”

Keith snorted, getting the joke that at one time would gone right over his head

“Matt’s not going to like that”

“Then he shouldn’t have lied about the length”

  Waiting, Lance shook his head when he heard a clear “Fuck you!” from Matt

“He didn’t like the joke”

“He heard?”

Seriously. How could a hunter...? How were the Blades still around?

“Babe, werewolf. And it’s not like we’re being quiet. I don’t need to feed, I’ve cooled down now and Kosmo seems to be trying to pull your leg off. Let’s go meet the others”

“You’ll tell me if you feel weaker or faint, won’t you?”

“Yes, mum. You’re fussing too much”

“Or am I fussing just enough?”

God. He loved this man. Keith was a special kind of idiot that owner his heart and soul.

    *

The pond found by Matt and Rieva was nice and all, but Keith wasn’t sure it was that nice. At least not work the trek to the middle of fucking nowhere just to see a pond that didn’t have all that much appeal. The underground lake had been awesome. The pond a solid “eh”. Duckweed clung around edges, the reeds kind of making it nice to photograph. Pidge wasn’t thrilled their walking had ended with a pond that didn’t look safe to swim in. Finding a stray branch, she poked at the duckweed at the side of the pond

“Reckon it’s safe?”

Matt chuckled at his sister

“It was last night”

“Yeah, before you go to it. Man, you could have said it was basically a swamp”

  Standing up, Pidge threw her branch into the water

“You’re just not seeing it’s potential”

“And I’m telling mum”

Matt gaped at Pidge. Keith sucking his lips in, trying not to laugh at the look on Matt’s face. With one gape he looked thoroughly betrayed

“That’s enough. We’re here now, we might as well make the most of it”

Shiro tried to restore calm with his “Dad” voice. Hunk nervously looking around them

“We’re not going to be killed here, are we? I feel like we could be killed here”

“Guys, you’re over reacting. It’s a nice spot”

Matt was trying too hard to make the sale no one buying

“Maybe if you’re a dog... Kosmo! Ack...”

  Keith hadn’t noticed he was standing in mud, Kosmo had. Shaking himself off, mud went flying, Kosmo’s tongue lolling as he looked up at them proudly. Pidge wiping flecks off mud from her face with an unimpressed grimace

“He’s a menace...”

Great now Matt looked like he wanted to wolf out and join Kosmo in the mud

“He’s just being a dog. You wouldn’t understand”

“No, I’ll leave that to you and him. Right, if you need me, I’ll be on my tablet”

    Hunk set up the snacks he’d brought at what he deemed a safe distance from the pond. Matt showing he didn’t care by wading out into the cold water, trying to coax Kosmo in for swim. Even Kosmo was smarter than to follow that idiot. Sitting next to Lance, his boyfriend had his head resting against Keith’s shoulder

“Hey babe, can you show me that thing on your phone again?”

He didn’t think Lance would ask in front of everyone. Pulling his phone out, he unlocked it then handed it over, Lance taking the device carefully, before starting to tap on the screen. It only took him a few moments to type his message out

“The pond sucks, but you’re beautiful”

Keith tried to ignore how happy the silly message made him, typing at the end of the Lance’s message with one finger that made things infinitely harder

“Can I be handsome?”

Lance nodding as he typed back

“Don’t forget rugged and grizzly”

  Keith ducked his head, embarrassed over the praise, Lance adding

“I really love you”

Which only made his heart do that stupid thing it did. After 6 months, he thought the butterflies and weird heart beats would stop, yet Lance always seemed to make it happen far too often. Taking his phone back, he added to the message

“I love you too babe. Sorry about the pond”

Lance shook his head, it seemed the conversation had ended naturally. A moment or two passing before Lance took his phone back

“I’m sleepy. Matt was right about this being a good nap place... apart from the smell”

Yeah. It stunk to him and he was human. Damn dogs and their attraction to smell dead things

“Wanna talk a walk?”

Lance moved his head up to smile at him

“Okay... but not too far”

“Nah. I want to get some photos”

And spend some alone time with Lance again.

   Picking a path around the pond, it was larger than reeds and duckweed made it seem. Lance holding his hand as they walked, Keith found he didn’t actually know what to say. Walking like this was nice. Maybe it was okay for things to be quiet? It didn’t feel uncomfortable until he realised they’d walked quite a way from the others. Pidge could still be heard yelling, some laughter in the otherwise still air... Then Lance went and sighed. He wished he knew what his boyfriend was thinking. And why he’d snapped at Shiro. Shiro seemed okay, and Lance would apologise again, even though he probably didn’t need to

“Babe?”

“I’m okay...”

“You sighed”

Lance sighed at him again, Keith rolling his eyes before pulling Lance in for a hug, Lance protesting lightly

“I’m fine”

“You still sighed”

“You weren’t saying anything...”

  Keith couldn’t help but chuckle

“I was thinking the same thing... it’s nice not being surrounded by noise”

“Speak for yourself”

Keith kissed Lance’s forehead as he slid his hands down to his boyfriend’s arse. Lance squeaking as he groped him lightly

“What was that for?!”

“Because I could. Want to take a break?”

“Actually, yeah... You haven’t been taking any photos”

“That’s because I was too busy holding your hand. Want to try to taking a photo with me?”

“Haven’t you got enough of me?”

Keith chuckled again. He’d meant of the lake, and he knew he was biased and all, but he couldn’t have enough photos of Lance

“Nope. Here, I want to show you something”

  Sliding around Lance, so he was now standing behind him, Keith popped the cap off the camera lens and flicked the knob to on. The camera chiming as it booted up

“Okay. Now, we’re going to take a photo”

“I know how to take a photo”

“Mmmm... but you said you weren’t sure about it and I want to share this with you”

In Rome he’d been shit scared everyone would find out and laugh at him over his hobby. Sometimes it was hard to have his camera out in front of their friends, but with Lance it was easier. His boyfriend never judged, even before they were dating

“It’s just duckweed”

Keith moved the camera to the right

“See how the light filters through the trees, and almost cuts the photo in half on the diagonal? If we zoom in, what do you see?”

On the screen he showed Lance the different. The way the one section caught the light, almost shimmering in the specs of water between the weedy growth

“That’s cool”

“Yeah... hold on”

Clicking the capture button, the image appeared on the screen for a few seconds before returning to viewfinder. Zooming out slowly, Lance perked up

“I like that one”

Keith bit down his snort. Lance must have assumed he’d already capture the image. His boyfriend reading his body language

“Not like that. It’s half and half properly now”

Keith clicked capture again, he personally would have moved the camera a little to the left to get the light balance two thirds instead of the half

“It is. But if we move it like this, tell me which looks better”

Adjusting his view, Lance hummed at him

“I get it... and it’d be a totally different picture again if you changed the angle”

“Yep...”

  Letting his head loll back on Keith’s shoulder, Lance smiled at him

“I don’t think I’ll ever be a star photographer, but it suits you”

“I could teach you properly”

“You offered before. Honestly, I really like watching you. The way your eyes light up when you’ve got a shot you like”

“Am I really that transparent?”

“A little. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with eyes as honest as yours”

“Then you really do need glasses”

They would have forgotten Lance’s glasses earlier if Kosmo hadn’t pawed at them when they were getting ready to meet up with the other

“And you need to accept the compliment”

“You’re the one who compliments me too much”

“Then you shouldn’t be so kind to me”

Keith groaned. What was he supposed to do with that?

“Shut up”

Lance laughed at him. Keith dropping his left hand to rub his boyfriend’s stomach, Lance immediately letting out a soft moan that was far too cute

“Stoooooop”

“Why?”

“Because we’re got company that can hear me moaning and all you’re doing is messing with me”

“I’m not messing with you. Does it feel okay?”

“Honestly human food came up so hard in the cabin that I don’t want to eat”

“You kept the water down”

“I went and dealt with that while Hunk was finding the perfect picnic spot”

“You should have...”

“Babe. You know things came out one way or the other... Kind of comes with the whole being dead thing. I love that you care, but you’ve also got to remember I’ve been dealing with this for years and I’m used to dealing with it alone”

“Doesn’t mean you have to now”

“Fine, the next time I have to shit my guts out...”

Keith wrinkled his nose

“Okay. Okay. I’m overthinking. As long as you’re okay”

  It was then that Lance’s stomach let out a loud gurgle. His boyfriend closing his eyes as he groaned

“I’m sick of it. It’s been doing that nonstop”

“Are you hungry?”

“A little...”

“You should eat”

“I didn’t pack anything. I thought “short walk” would be like a “human short walk””

“You need to eat. It’s not good...”

“I’ll be fine”

“Babe...”

“Keith, I’ll be fine”

Lance needed to be eating more. More of everything if you asked Keith. He didn’t like Lance having to throw up, but he and their baby needed the calories

“Then take...”

“No”

“You... look. You can feed off my fingers again. Just enough to make the hunger go away”

“Why do you keep offering?”

  How did Lance not know? Other than the jealousy, which he was trying to work through, he didn’t have a problem. Lance wasn’t going to turn him from a feed. So why couldn’t his boyfriend see it was because of how he felt about him

“Because I love you. If we were in opposite positions, you’d be forcing it on me”

“I’m not that forceful”

“Right. And I’m not secretly half alien here hiding from the master race”

Lance laughed, face scrunched up as he did

“You know, you’d make a good half alien. I’d still love you just as much”

“You’re such a damn sap”

“And you’re twice as bad. Can we sit for a bit? I don’t feel like going back just yet”

“We’re not walking around the entire pond?”

Lance shrugged, opening his eyes

“I was following you”

Keith played along

“But I was following you”

His boyfriend shrugged again

“I guess we’re lost forever then”

“I think I’m okay with that”

     *

Lance’s knees gave out on the way back to the others. Disguising it as tripping, he wasn’t sure why they’d suddenly given out. Not until he saw his hands. His nails long, dug into the ground. He could feel his fangs against his lip, edges pressing down against the toughened skin. Raising his head to look at Keith, Keith swore softly, his boyfriend pushing him aside as he drew out his hand gun. Lance not even getting the chance to be shocked as Keith shot him.

  Shooting up from where he’d fallen asleep against Hunk, he realised everyone was staring at him. Right. They were in the main cabin now. He, Hunk, and Pidge had been sitting on the sofa. The three of them with their feet on the coffee table as they compared blisters and Curtis tended to their feet

“Ugh, bud? You okay there?”

Dropping back down beside Hunk, Hunk wrapped his arms around him. Keith was in the bathroom washing Kosmo with Shiro, so he couldn’t have been asleep for very long

“Yeah. Ugh ... I think I fell asleep”

“You did... I’ve been wondering how to wake you up so I could start dinner”

“How long was I out?”

“Half an hour. Keith’s still trying to get Kosmo clean...”

  Lance could feel the dirt beneath his nails. His body wouldn’t stop shaking at the thought of Keith putting a bullet in his brain... Whining the name of his best friend softly, he needed the comfort Hunk provided  

“Hunk...”

“Why don’t you help me with dinner? It’s been a while since we cooked together”

Lance kind of felt disappointed. He wanted to cuddle with his best friend, but Hunk liked to be moving when he had a lot to think about

“Okay... What’s for dinner?”

“Pasta, made fresh”

“Alright...”

  Lance washed his hands, the scent of blood from the morning had finally started to disappear. As Hunk grabbed the eggs out the fridge, he watched his friend. Pidge was watching from them from the sofa... probably worrying. He made everyone worry and it was so damn draining

“Right. Can you grab the flour out?”

“Ah... sure”

Lance should have picked up on the signs Hunk was trying to distract him. Grabbing the flour out the pantry, Hunk smiled softly as he moved to the kitchen bench, Lance joining him

“Bud, I know somethings up. You can tell me”

“It’s...”

He wanted to. He wanted to so badly... That nightmare had shaken him. He didn’t think he was strong enough to keep his secret

“I... Hunk...”

As he sniffled Hunk pulled him into a hug

“Whatever happens, Bud, you can rely on me”

“I know... I know... it’s just not... I... I don’t want you to hate me”

“I won’t... Do you need a bit to think it out?”

“Yeah... I had a nightmare Keith shot me in the head and... I’ve been lying again... and I hate it...”

“It’s alright. I mean, I know you’ve got a few secrets... you’d have to. Here, pour out the flour for me... and I’ll get the pasta machine out”

  Lance poured the flour on the bench, sniffling as he did. He didn’t know where everyone one was, but he did know he couldn’t mentally keep his secret any longer. He’d wanted to wait. To be more confident and sure of the pregnancy. Flattening out the flour, Hunk bumped into him gently

“It’s just flour, Bud. No need for the tears”

Fuck... He needed his best friend. Having a boyfriend was a different kind of friendship...

“I... I’m...”

“Lance, it’s okay, Bud. You don’t have to rush right away”

“It’s not that... you can’t tell”

“Now you’re making me worried”

“Just... hang on”

  Keith put the idea in his head, Lance spelling out his secret in the flour. Those simple letters with so much more meaning

“Don’t tell anyone yet...”

He spelt it out, waiting for Hunk to catch on, his bestie humming when he did, Lance brushing the flour back into place

“... Matt and Rieva hear everything”

Hunk nodded quickly, before drawing a smiley face in the flour

“I’m pregnant”

This two words had Hunk sweeping him into the tightest hug of his life as Lance messed the flour up to hide the evidence

“I... I wondered... are you...?”

Lance nodded as his nerves went weird. Hunk hugging him hadn’t been... well it’d been a dream

“Oh, man... it makes sense now... but... nope, I’ll ask later...”

“Thank you... I’m so sorry”

“Shhh... Keith, uh, he kind of put the idea in my head and I guess maybe he wanted me to work it out”

“Keith is very attached to “macaroon”... just don’t use the word too much”

  Hunk immediately let him go, hands going to Lance’s shoulders as he hung his head

“I thought you just wanted macaroons...”

“It’s okay, Hunk. But now Pidge is watching, she’s about ready to demand to know what’s going on”

“Oh, right. Be cool... be cool... do you need anything? Should you be resting?”

Great. Someone else to over worry about him...

“I’m okay. It’s not that different just more puking. Anyway, we should start dinner”

“Yeah, man. I’m making garlic knots. This is a special occasion”

“You’re not grossed out”

“I’m shocked, not quite sure how it works, or if I really want to ask, but as long as...”

Lance threw his arms around Hunk. Nearly sobbing in relief of the weight lifted off his shoulders, and, kind of more importantly, that his best bro wasn’t about to reject him.

  “Okay, you two are acting weird. What’s going on here? And why am I not part of it?”

Lance peered at Pidge over his best friends shoulder

“Hunk promised to teach me the secret ingredient in his mama’s spaghetti bolognese!”

Pidge’s eyes went wide

“That’s a top secret family recipe!”

“That’s why I’m excited... I’ve been after it for years!”

He already had the recipe, but there was something different about how Hunk’s mother made it taste. Being taught to be useful he’d offered to help Hunk’s mother, memorising things by watching her. She kind of loved him, not that he was bragging

“Sorry, guys. I can teach Lance the recipe but we’ll have to talk about it when we get home. I don’t have everything here”

  Lance pulled away, wiping at his eyes. The conversation may have gone differently if Keith hadn’t already planted that thought in Hunk’s brain

“Dude... I’m totally betrayed here. It’s a good thing the pastas going to be delicious”

“I wouldn’t say that...”

“Hunk, you are a kitchen god descended before us mostly human beings. Even Keith agrees. We’d all be fat with how good your cooking is, buddy”

Hunk shuffled nervously under the praise

“I don’t know. You and Miriam know so many great recipes too”

“Which I’ll totally teach you. Let’s get the pasta started”

“Sure thing, man”

Watching the exchange, Pidge grumbled

“Boys are so freaking weird. I’m going to go hang with Shay, at least she’s interesting”

“Let her nap. She’s making the most of getting some sleep in before she goes back to work”

  Lance realised he hadn’t thought to ask about Shay... Pidge made a show of climbing off the sofa, walking away from them with his feet turned slightly out to avoid pulling weight on the blisters on her big toes. Lance waited until she was gone before whispering

“Hunk, I want to ask you something and I want you to be honest. Do you think I should I tell her the truth? Like about me? I don’t want you having to lie to her, it sucked so damn hard having to lie to you, and I don’t want to rob you of your happiness with her”

“I don’t know, man... I don’t want to freak her out... I don’t want her freaking out at me for hiding it...”

“I know. I know and I’m sorry... I hated lying to you, but once you know about the scary things you can’t take it all back”

  Realising they were born whispering at the same time, the moves away from each other. Lance moving to start welling the flour, Hunk going on the search for his pasta rolling machine

“Let me think about it? I’m still... processing... I mean... you and Keith are dudes... you’re... a guy... and I’m not saying this right, man. I’m like super happy for you... but I still have like a hundred questions of how this even happens”

  They didn’t have time for the hundred questions. Lance still a hundred questions over how it’s happened and how he was going to get Hunk alone to fill him in on everything so far

“I’m a different type of vampire from drinking Keith’s blood. That still sounds really gross and wrong... I’m really gross when you think about it. I only did it to save his life and my body started changing thanks to it. I really love Keith, but I don’t... the thought of feeding from someone warm and living, makes me feel gross”

“I kind of don’t think about it. I mean, I do, but I mean like you’re our best friend. Me and Pidge are starting to get it”

“You shouldn’t have to though...”

“It’s weird, but when you think about it, blood is used in a lot of different dishes around the world. Mongolian tribes have this dish made of horse blood and milk, and then there’s things like blood sausages... I mean, no one gets hurt right? To get the blood?”

“It’s donated. People get compensated... Coran makes sure they’re not mistreated or anything like that... It’s... um... easier to eat when you don’t know where it’s from”

“Like it’s easier to eat devilled ham spread when you don’t know they use pig eyeballs and eye lashes in it”

  Lance shook his head, he didn’t want to feel so reassured that it was okay to be drinking human blood in front of his human friends

“You’re being too calm”

“Lance, have you ever wanted to feed off of me, or off of Pidge”

Lance took instant offence

“No! Ew... no. I love you guys, how could you even think that’s okay!”

“You just answered how we’re okay with this. You wouldn’t. Not unless there was absolutely no other option. You’ve got another option, but if you didn’t, neither of us want to see you suffer. We’re friends and friends work things out together”

  Oh.

  Deserting his role with the flour, Lance wrapped his arms around Hunk again

“I’m sorry I lost it... I shouldn’t have snapped...”

Hunk chuckled, always up for a hug

“It’s fine, man. Sometimes you get caught up in your head too much”

“I’ve never had... you know... human friends who knew about me. You guys... I love you guys so much. I’d never feed on you... I can’t...”

“I don’t know, Shay calls me her “tasty snack”...”

“Yeah. No. She can snack on you. I’m sorry, I’m being all weird”

“You’ve been weirder than normal for weeks now, but you’ve always been a little weird”

“I’ve been weird for 7 weeks... Keith’s accident started it all”

Hunk swatted at his arm

“Dude. Too much information”

“We we’re going to wait until the next time I saw Coran...”

“It’s okay. I’m not about to tell... but you need to be taking better care of yourself”

“I’m trying. God. At this rate dinner’s never going to be done”

“Are you saying my hugs aren’t worth it?”

“They’re totally worth it... you’re like, the coolest dude ever”

“It’s my gift and my curse”

  They both laughed. Out of everyone, he was so fucking relieved that Hunk knew. He just hoped Pidge would take the news as well as him.

[servinglemonade]

The Mandalorian Season 2 Review

BEWARE: SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE MANDALORIAN SEASON 1 AND 2

Hi everyone, it has been a while since The Mandalorian finished up its second season, and to be honest, I kind of miss waking up at 9 AM on Friday to watch this show. Now, I loved season 1 and have watched it multiple times already. I was so excited for season 2 and to see more of Mando/Din and The Child and where their story would go. I never would have thought season 2 would go the way that it did. It was incredible and even better than I thought it would be. This Is The Way. Keep on reading to find out my opinions for every episode this season!

And again, beware... SPOILERS AHEAD

Chapter 9: The Marshal (dir. Jon Favreau)

I enjoyed the first episode back in the world of The Mandalorian. The first thing I noticed about this episode was the run time. Its a 54 minute episode, the longest we have gotten so far. I liked that it was so long, since we had been waiting on the second season for about a year and the episode overall was enjoyable. Being back on Tatooine was great since it is one of my favorite planets in the Star Wars universe. I liked seeing more of the Tusken Raiders and loved that battle scene with the krayt dragon. One thing I loved from that was the change in aspect ratio! When the krayt dragon opened its mouth, the ratio changed to IMAX/full screen. That was amazing and such a good choice for it. It just made it more cinematic. And of course, who can forget that Boba Fett tease at the very end of the episode! Fun fact, I never really liked/enjoyed Boba Fett. In the Original Trilogy, he does not do much, he is just kind of there and then ‘dies’. So I never really got the hype. But, oh, I am going to talk about Boba Fett later. In conclusion, chapter 9 was a nice episode. 

Favorite moments: Mando taking out the krayt dragon like a BOSS, Mando talking with the Tusken Raiders in their language, The Child in his little pouch on Mando’s speeder bike with his ears flapping in the wind.

Overall: 7.5/10

Chapter 10: The Passenger (dir. Peyton Reed)

This episode was more of a side quest but hey, if it is nice, I do not mind. This is a fun episode but those spiders at the end... They just reminded me of those spiders in Rebels season 2/3 and I HATED those things. However, the action scene was very thrilling. I loved the beginning of the episode, where some guys try to take The Child from Din and he tricks them. The Child running into his arms again and Din messing with the guy that took his jetpack was great. The episode mostly takes place on this ice/snow planet, which I always enjoy in anything Star Wars! This episode also introduced us to Frog Lady, who was a nice addition to the gang.

Favorite moments: Din fixing the Razor Crest and then telling The Child he should help him and the final action scene. 

Overall: 7.5/10

Chapter 11: The Heiress (dir. Bryce Dallas Howard)

This episode felt like a Clone Wars or Rebels episode and I LOVED IT!!! This was so good. I was quite surprised to see Bo-Katan show up here, she was great and I enjoyed seeing her in live-action. The action scenes, on the boat and on that imperial ship, were especially incredible and really well done, so props to Bryce! There was also an important storyline here regarding Mando and his Creed vs. other Mandalorians. Since we know Bo-Katan and other Mandalorians keep removing their helmet and Din never does, I wondered why. This finally gets adressed here and I loved seeing it unfold and how this storyline kept unfolding as the season went on. And of course, at the end of the episode, we got THE ASHOKA TANO NAME DROP! Confirming that we would be seeing her this season. I am a huge Ahsoka fan and she has become one of my favorite Star Wars characters, so I was excited to say the least.

Favorite moments: Mando crash landing the Razor Crest in the water, Frog Lady reuniting with her husband, Bo-Katan, and Mando telling The Child to stop playing with his food

Overall: 8.5/10

Chapter 12: The Siege (dir. Carl Weathers)

But before we see Ahsoka, a little detour. However, a short, sweet, and fun detour, directed by none other than Greef Karga himself! Yes, this episode saw the return of season one’s Greef Karga, Cara Dune, and the Mythrol (the blue guy from season 1). Nonetheless, the star of the episode was The Child with his blue cookies haha. The beginning of the episode was so funny with Din trying to tell The Child were to put the wires in and then them eating together. Din even showed a little bit of his face, with The Child trying to take a peek, so adorable. Additionally, I really liked being back on Nevarro and seeing how Greef Karga and Cara cleaned up the town. Once again, the action here was fantastic and Carl Weathers did a great job. The final action scene was amazing and showed how great of a pilot Din is. In this episode, I also really felt the bond between Din and The Child and how much it has grown over time! OMG, almost forgot... We learn more about Moff Gideon wanted with The Child, he used his blood and the midi-chlorians to create what looked like clones?! Crazy, AND they put a tracker on the Razor Crest, which got me very anxious about the next episode.

Favorite moments: The Child and the wires (aka me in Among Us), The Child in school and stealing blue space macarons, and the trio from season 1 back together and kicking ass

Overall: 8.5/10

Chapter 13: The Jedi (dir. Dave Filoni)

This was magical. Purely magical. Dave Filoni... Oh my goodness, what a legend. He understands Star Wars in a way no else but George Lucas does. From the action, to the samurai and western infleunces, to the emotion, everything was perfect. So, in this episode Din finally finds Ahsoka Tano, one of the few Jedi that are left. The episode wastes no time to introduce Ahsoka. Her entrance in the forest was amazing, the way she uses the force and her lightsabers, just ugh, amazing. Now, I really like Rosario Dawson as Ahsoka but it took some getting used to since Ahsoka originally is an animated character. However, she looked great here. I loved the scene where Ahsoka was communicating with The Child through the force and we learn his backstory!! His name is Grogu and was trained at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant by many masters and was hidden during Order 66. The way we learned all of this was so natural and I really did not see it coming. It was great. I really like the name Grogu, it fits him haha. The little training session with Grogu was fantastic and showed how much Din cares about Grogu. Ahsoka tells Din she cannot train Grogu because of his attachements and how that can lead him to the dark side. She even references Anakin!!!!!! Omg, the feels. Mando and Ahsoka team up to fight the Magistrate of the town and this fight was fantastic. Manda and Ahsoka are both so cool and have some great moments. Then, when we thought this episode could not get any better, Ahsoka teases what is to come as she name drops GRAND ADMIRAL THRAWN!! Now, if you have not watched Rebels, this might mean nothing to you. But I gasped so loud when she said it, good stuff is coming for the Ahsoka show!!!! When Mando had to say goodbye to Grogu, I thought no... They are not going to do it, are they?! But Ahsoka sticks to her gut and says she cannot train Grogu. Instead, she sends them to the remants of an ancient Jedi temple where Grogu can choose his path. And so Mando, Grogu, and Ahsoka part ways. I just loved this episode. Also a special shout-out to Ludwig Göransson’s score. He has been fantastic for season 1 and 2, but the score at the very end of this episode, just captured the magic and beauty of this one. He is so talented! 

Favorite moments: all of Ahsoka’s action scenes, Ahsoka vs. Mando, Din learning Grogu’s name and he keeps saying it, the Trawn name drop, Ahsoka referencing Anakin, and Din and Ahsoka traing Grogu

Overall: 9.5/10

Chapter 14: The Tragedy (dir. Robert Rodriguez)

This was a short but action packed episode, oh my goodness. It just kept going at some point, which was very thrilling to watch. This episode saw the return of Boba Fett and Fennec Shand, which was surprising. Now, like I said, I have never been a fan of Boba Fett. However, we was a badass in this episode with some very cool moments! I also loved that in the bts of season 2 Temuera Morrison talked about how he brought in some of his Maori traditions into Boba’s fighting style, which was very awesome to see. Okay, back to the rest of the episode. So, it starts out with Mando messing with Grogu and his name a little bit on the Razor Crest. He actually laughed, which is something we had not seen yet. He then trained with him for a bit and told him how proud he was of him and how he is special... Sooo soft! So then, they get to the seeing stone and of course Mando is an actual rookie and has no clue what any of this Jedi stuff (as he calls it) means, which is understandable of course. But I just thought it was very funny to watch. Boba and Fennec show up, a lot of Stromtroopers show up, and they have to fight their way out of that nasty situation. It was really cool!! All of them had awesome moments.  Then, when everything has calmed down a bit, Moff Gideon’s dark troopers show up and take Grogu from Mando. I just- I can’t... Another thing that happens is the Razor Crest getting blown up! Holy shit, I was shocked. So Mando is left with no ship, no Grogu, and has to get him back. So, Boba and Fennec promise to help him. Very action packed, and tragic episode.

Favorite moments: Din knowing nothing about the Jedi, the whole bit in the Razor Crest with Din and Grogu being cute, Fennec being a badass, Boba being a badass, Grogu beating those Stormtroopers in his cell, and Moff Gideon being as vilanous as ever (gotta love Giancarlo Esposito)

Overall: 8.7/10

Chapter 15: The Believer (dir. Rick Famuyiwa)

I LOVED this episode. Rick Famuyiwa did it again!! Okay, so Mando, Boba, Fennec, Cara, and Mayfeld (from season 1) go to this Empirial base to get the coordinates of Moff Gideon’s cruiser so they can get Grogu back to his dad (yes, I said it, because it’s true!). So they want Mayfeld to come because he knows stuff about the Empire and I did not really like him in season 1. However, I thought he was really nice here. He even had some funny lines. I loved the action scene on the transport with Mando fighting those pirates they encountered. It was really weird though, not seeing him in his Beskar armor. So they inflitrate the base and Mayfeld’s old superior is sitting where they have to get the coordinates, so he cannot go in, Mando wants to go but here is the twist... It is a facial scan (insert suspenseful sound). So, he goes in, tries it with his helmet on, and that obviously does not work. So he removes his helmet. This was so powerful, he was willing to let other people see his face to save Grogu. It just shows how much he cares, and I loved to see it. The whole scene without his helmet was so suspenseful. I was stressed while watching it. Pedro Pascal is such a good actor, he was selling it! Mayfeld was so cool about it though. He had been messing with Mando having his helmet on the entire time and when he eventually took it off, he was really respectful about it. Another thing I thought was fantasic this episode was Mando treathening Moff Gideon with a little message. He basically used the same message Gideon told him last season when he was looking for Grogu, but now Mando used it on him. He even said that Grogu means more to him and Gideon will ever know. Oh my gosh!!! In conclusion, after this episode, I could not wait for the finale. 

Favorite moments: Din removing his helmet, Din realizing his blaster was jammed so he just yeeted it to the pirate instead, Mayfeld and Din talking to the Empirial guy in the cantine, Mayfeld calling Din ‘Brown Eyes’, and Din’s message to Gideon.

Overall: 9/10

Chapter 16: The Rescue (dir. Peyton Reed)

Where to begin?! Oh my goodness, SO MUCH happened during this episode. Mando adds Bo-Katan and Koska Reeves to his crew to get Grogu back. They agree, since this is Bo-Katan’s chance to take back the darksaber from him. So Boba Fett distracts Gideon’s people for the rest of the crew to sneak on board. So we had Cara, Fennec, Bo-Katan, and Koska just kicking these stromtrooper’s asses and it was stunning to see. Mando goes to look for Grogu but encounters the dark troopers and they were ruthless. I honestly thought he was going to get hurt or something. Thank goodness he had that Beskar speer, so he yeeted them out of the ship and made his way to Grogu. Only to find Gideon standing there with the darksaber. He is like just take him, I got his blood. Of course, it is a trap and he attacks Mando. We get an epic fight between Gideon with the darksaber and Mando with his speer. It was so cool and Mando wins! He then walks back to the crew with Gideon in handcuffs, wielding the darksaber, and Grogu in his hand. Bo-Katan sees it and looks shocked since she now cant get it from him since it needs to won in battle as Gideon reminds everyone (he was obviously enjoying this), which I completely forgot. Then just says I yield, take it. She cannot just accept, which makes Din the rightful ruler of Mandalore (CRAZY!!!). This was left with no answers, so I am hoping that this will be explored during season 3!!. The dark troopers get back to the ship and they need a miracle now. Out of nowhere, one single X-Wing shows up. I knew it was a Jedi, but who? Of course, Luke crossed my mind, but I was like, NO WAY. So I thought, it could be Ezra from Rebels (he also has a green lightsaber). However, there was no way someone that powerful was Ezra, it had to be Luke. I will never forget it, my heart was beating so fast, I was crying, and the suspense was just, oh my. The hallway scene was fantastic. Then the jedi reveals his face, and it is Mark Hamill back as Luke Skywalker in all his glory. The CGI was impressive, although when he started talking, it looked a little off. Anyway, now Din has to say goodbye to Grogu and he lets him see his face. This was such a beautiful moment, it made me cry even more. This show is incredible, however this just proves that when you strip away all the cool stuff and guest appearances, this show is about Din and Grogu’s relationship, which in the end, is my favorite thing about the show. It was so emotional. Grogu then leaves with Luke and R2 (!!!), and that concludes season 2! This finale was just incredible, and what made it even more emotional was Pedro’s perfromance. He is fantastic! Again, the score this season was so good but in the finale, Ludwig outdit himself! So beautiful and emotional. 

Favorite moments: the whole thing, not even going to try to pick just a few

Overall: 10/10

So that is season 2 of The Mandalorian!! I have to say, after the shit year 2020 was, Mando Fridays made it a little better. I cannot wait to see it continue. I think it will be after The Book of Boba Fett with Boba and Fennec (looking forward to that!). This ended up way longer than I intended, oh well. I hope you enjoyed reliving Mando season 2 with me! Now I kind of want to watch it again...

This Is The Way.

XO

Yenai

[crazy-loca-blog]

Personal thoughts on… 2019 releases (Part I)

Note: As the title says, these are just personal opinions on Choices books and chapters. Of course, you may agree or disagree with them, I only use this platform to express my thoughts on what I read every week.

After dealing with a lot of work and stress (to the point I ended up being sick in bed for a few weeks and now after a few months I still haven’t fully recovered), I’m finally back!

I’ve been playing Choices for over two and a half years now, and I honestly can’t remember a busier year than 2019. We’ve had the chance to read over 30 books! So I wanted to take some time to give my personal opinion on these releases. As there are so many books to talk about, this will be a three-part post and I will also include current releases and books that were released during 2018 but were finished in 2019. The list is organized in alphabetical order and it doesn’t include the VIP Books (as I don’t have access to the feature) or the seasonal books (as I’ll talk about them in another post, after all of them have been fully released).

A Courtesan of Rome (November 14, 2018 - June 12, 2019): I have a feeling that ACOR was one book before the hiatus and a completely different book after the hiatus. At first I found the story interesting, but it wasn’t like I was waiting every week for a new chapter to be released (honestly, those “8 years ago in Gaoul” scenes killed my mood so, so badly during half of the book!). However, after the hiatus, things seemed to move faster and that caught my attention. Overall, I really liked this book and I enjoyed reading it. I have a soft spot for these MCs that are super smart, so I loved to see our badass girl using her beauty and her brain to reach her goals. The LIs were awesome, too. I don’t think it was one of those “They’re all so good, I don’t know which one to choose” situations, but it was nice to see how every LI represented a different point of view of the conflict, so kudos to the writers for it. Of course, after the final chapter it was pretty clear that we won’t be having a second book, but I’m not that sure if it was actually planned to be a series. Sad.

Across the Void (August 20, 2018 - May 13, 2019): This book has probably one of the best graphics in Choices… but it also has probably one of the worst plots and some of the most hated characters in the app. We got this nice MC whose only mission was to be the captain of a luxury spaceship in the middle of a civil war. Of course, we got caught in the middle of it. And what does our MC do? He/She throws parties so the passengers and the crew can relax! We also had these annoying siblings who didn’t even think about making our job easier, a male LI that we shared with our brother, a male LI that hid very important information from us (and we got to know about it at the end of the book), and a male LI that we barely saw in the book. Thank God for the female LIs in this book! On top of that, we had to choose if we supported the Jura or the Vanguard without even knowing what their role in this conflict was. Thankfully, the hiatus helped to improve things a little and the final chapters were way better than the first ones where nobody seemed to have clear what was going on with this war. Of course, the fact that we had a choice to kill our MC at the very end of the book means that there is no chance to have a second book, but I wouldn’t mind revisiting this era with a better story in the future.  

America's Most Eligible: All Stars (January 16, 2019 - May 1, 2019): Have you noticed how reality shows that are pretty successful in the first season tend to become lame, boring and repetitive in subsequent seasons? That’s exactly what happened to me with AME. I enjoyed the first book, even though I don’t think it has super memorable characters and there is nothing like “wow” in the plot, following the story was easy and (don’t deny it, because you know it’s true) it definitely made our competitive side to blossom. But in Book 2, things became repetitive and boring. Sure, we got some new characters, such as Vince and Slater. Sure, it was nice to see Mack, Jen and some other familiar faces once again. But Carson continued being Carson, Ivy continued being Ivy, and Bianca was denied as a LI (again). So, overall, we got nothing new or refreshing in this book… and we ended it with a proposal? After dating out LI for like 2 months? We just didn’t need another wedding book.

America's Most Eligible: Wedding Edition (September 18, 2019 - Present): I seriously think the only reason why AME got a third book is because of us, the fans. The whole series has been about competitions and winning… and of course, we have to spend A LOT of diamonds to win. So I assume the first two books were very, very profitable for PB because of course, we all want to win. However, as we’ve learned this year, having a wedding book may actually end up “killing a series”, and AME is not the exception. From the moment that the writers turned our wedding special into a competition, I knew things were going to be weird. In my very personal case, having Slater in my party made no sense at all, because my MC has never trusted him, so they’ve never had a good relationship. Then, having to compete against Vince and Ivy, our biggest enemies in the competition is so… basic. I’m kind of tired of the dynamic with them… it’s been two books already. And then we have all these super weird storyline with Jen. I mean… how is it possible that she is the showrunner, but at the same time she is a contestant… or even our fiancée!?!? The only thing I may rescue so far is that finally all Bianca and Slater lovers got a chance to express their feelings (and I’m so waiting for drama if you reciprocate them!). But that’s all.

Baby Bump (December 9, 2019 - Present): I know this book is on the list of the “most hated books in 2019”, but for some reason I can’t explain, I still haven’t found anything that truly disgusts me about it (maybe I’m lowering my standards?). I know and I understand that some people feel uncomfortable because we didn’t have a chance to choose our baby’s dad, or because our baby’s dad acted like a total freak by proposing in the second chapter, but I have a feeling that things will improve, especially because our own MC seems to be a grounded person overall. Probably my main complaint goes to how some stuff seems to be repetitive from other books (besides those Big Sky Country vibes all over the place). I mean… why is the evil girl always a bitch? Why do we always have to choose between an insanely rich LI and another LI who’s not so wealthy? When did the MC, both LIs and Luisa become “a gang”? I know there are too many things that seem out of place now, but I have faith. It won’t become a masterpiece, but it won’t be a complete disaster either.

Bachelorette Party (July 18, 2019 - October 17, 2019): Humor, fun, romance, but above all, friendship. I really liked this book at the very beginning because it was a light story, but at some point I felt the writers ran out of ideas right in the middle of the story and started dragging things. They tried to add a more serious touch with the case plot (I even thought we would be having some plot twist as we did in the Perfect Match series), but I think they failed. I kept waiting forever to see a connection between the case and some characters such as Reed or Skip, as everyone seemed to be connected with it in some form, but that never happened. Also, we had Aisha, a trans character who most of us loved at first, but who became annoying after blaming everyone but her for losing the case and not telling the truth behind it (even when she knew we could have been killed she didn’t say the truth… come on, girl!). Finally, I missed our MC having her own self-healing plot after breaking up with her boyfriend/girlfriend… there were only mentions and a few questions about how we were feeling, but that was all. I would have loved to see our friends doing some things for us. At the end, I got a bittersweet feeling about it. I enjoyed the story overall, but there were so many things that could have been explored within the plot, that I’m not fully satisfied with the story.

Big Sky Country, Book 2 (July 27, 2019 - November 9, 2019): I never, ever in a million years would have thought that Big Sky Country would have a second book. Even though I love all these beautiful characters in the story, I thought the plot was pretty lame and boring overall. I can perfectly remember how criticized it was. So I was prepared to read the second book just because I had already finished the first one. But I’m soooo glad that PB proved me wrong here. Not only we had a second book that was much better than the first one, but we also got a story where the writers did a fantastic job trying to balance the screen time of all the LIs and they succeeded when trying to blend all the different plots in one single story. In my opinion, the weakest point of this book was actually the final chapter… Asha won, Clint died, and we became official and got engaged to our LI in like 10 minutes… it just felt too rushed for me.

Bloodbound, Book 2 (May 17, 2019 - August 30, 2019): Even though it’s not one of my personal favorites (and probably that’s why I don’t understand all the hype for it), if I had to choose between the first two books, the second one is the one I like the most. I feel a lot of things improved when compared to BB Book 1, but my special mention goes to Lily… she annoyed me so much in the first book, for some stupid reason I can’t explain, I barely could stand reading her lines… but she definitely grew (A LOT!) in the second book. Also, we were introduced to some new characters, such as Serafine or Nikhil (I’m pretty sure that there’s more about him that we don’t know yet). Sure we had some fantastic moments, such as the crossover with Nightbound (I hope to see more of it in Book 3) or discovering who was behind the Order. But there’s no doubt that my favorite part of this book was when the gang went to the Order headquarters and discovered that the only one who could access was the MC… realizing that the real power of our MC (at that point) was simply to be human, and not a vampire, blew my mind. That’s why I wasn’t rooting for her to become a vampire.

Bloodbound, Book 3 (November 9, 2019 - Present): One of the biggest complaints made by Choices players is that the writers seem to have problems trying to make a series attractive over time. We see unnecessary content that doesn’t add up to the plot, and a tendency to drag things in general. By the third book, people seem to be struggling with the series more than enjoying them. Well, this is not the case of Bloodbound. The series not only had its biggest plot twist by turning our MC into a vampire, but also we may notice the writers have not stopped to impress us. Of course, this book is the darkest one in the series, and after 6 chapters I still have so many questions… should we trust Rheya? Is she good or bad? What’s the real power of our MC given the fact that she’s also the bloodkeeper? Will our MC end up being the villain of the story? So far, I’m pretty happy with this book. If things will continue to be like this, I would LOVE to have a fourth book (especially if it’s said that this is the last book in the series).

Desire & Decorum, Book 2 (December 17, 2018 - April 8, 2019): Even though in my opinion this is the weakest book in the series, one of the things I value the most about it is how the writers managed to create this powerful MC in an era where women actually didn’t have much power and they were basically expected to get marry and obey their husbands. Of course, the whole plot where we were forced to marry Duke Richards was the main focus of the story, but seeing our girl standing up by herself, being helped by her friends and her true love, and saving the queen (and England) was an absolute pleasure. However, it wasn’t enough to fully convince me. The duel between Duke Richards and our LI, Duke Richards becoming Mr. Richards and getting arrested, and Briar’s happy ending are probably the best moments of the book, but even though I enjoyed it, it’s far from being one of my favorites.

[theaggresivepacifist]

As I Go Wandering

Mossflower’s four chieftains have a summer reunion.  Some Songbreeze/Dannflor fluff for @myrose-of-oldredwall! Happy holidays, friend!!!😊

(And many thanks to @redwall-secret-santa for setting this up!)

         It had been many a season since Redwall Abbey was ruled by such young creatures. Abbess Songbreeze Swifteye and Abbey Champion Dannflor Reguba were wise leaders, stout warriors, and kind and cherished friends to all at Redwall, from the tiniest molebabe to the prickliest old hedgehog; they were also energetic creatures, and occasionally somewhat restless. Song in particular, used to wandering since infancy, sometimes felt a longing pull towards the woodlands, towards campfires and swift waters and sleeping beneath leafy bowers at night.

             “I can’t believe that a year ago we were fighting Marlfoxes and finding secret islands,” she observed to Dann, during one of these wistful moods. They were in the orchards, beakers of ice-cold raspberry cordial in paw, as they supervised a herd of adventurous Dibbuns reenacting the great battles of the previous summer.  “I feel like it was a lifetime ago.”

             “Or like it happened to different creatures.”

             “Younger, sillier creatures.”

             “Speak for yourself,” said Dann, feigning indignance, though the impression was undermined by the daisy crown a trio of giggling mousebabes had placed on his head.

             “And it’s been a while since we’ve seen Dipp and Burble,” Song continued thoughtfully, brushing pear blossoms from her shoulders. “I wonder what they’re up to.”

             “Probably off havin’ all kinds of adventures. It’s a wild life out there in Mossflower.”

             “I wonder if we’d still be good at adventures.”

             “Well, there’s only one way to find out, isn’t there?” said a new voice, full of gentle mirth.

             Song and Dann turned to see Cregga Rose Eyes, the ancient Abbey badgermother, lounging in the sun. She had been following their conversation with a smile on her scarred face.

             “You should go and visit your young friends. It’s a perfect summer for travelling,” she said, almost suspiciously casual. “And a few weeks to yourselves might give you a chance to rest up before the autumn harvest.”

             “We have plenty of time to relax here,” Dann protested. As if on cue, a stout young molemaid tugged on his habit hem, while a slightly older squirrel called to Songbreeze from across the Abbey lawn.

             “Hurr, zurr, Daisy be’s making mudpies an’ trying to eat em all oop. It’s an orful mess, hurr hurr.”

             “Abbess? The cook needs you straight away – something about a disaster in the larder and a whole season’s hazelnuts spilled all over the floor?”

             “Think it over, anyway,” Cregga said, still smiling, while the two conscientious squirrels rushed to their duties.

*****

             After much deliberation, and cleaning up spilled hazelnuts and mud-covered Dibbuns, Abbess and Abbey Warrior decided that perhaps a little summer reunion might be just the thing they needed.

             “Are you sure you won’t need us?” Dann and Song both asked Cregga, multiple times. Cregga generously let them realize on their own what a silly question this was to ask a former Badger Lady, former interim-Abbey-leader, veteran of multiple wars, who might not be able to see but could hear a pin drop and snap steel or iron like a forest twig. Meanwhile, Rusvul, Janglur, Rimrose, Gawjo, and Ellayo, all creatures of solid experience and good sense themselves, cracked frequent jokes about having more than enough squirrel perspective on the running of the Abbey anyway.

             “You’re only young ‘uns once,” Ellayo added sagely, in a tone that brooked no argument. “It’s high time you had a little fun, without us old ‘uns hanging around!”

             And so it was that a few days later they set out on a glorious midsummer morning—only for a few weeks, of course, but farewelled as if they might be gone for a full season.  Dann carried the sword of Martin belted across his back, and Song a light walking staff. Dibbuns, elders, Abbey brothers, Abbey sisters—all of Redwall Abbey and some from the country around—stood at the gates or on the walltops to see them off. The Abbess left them with a song, sweet and true as always, which left many a creature sniffing slightly behind cover of paw or habit sleeve.  

                           “Though this journey borrows me,

                             I promise I won’t be far away,

                            For I carry you in my heart with me,

                           In ev’ry place my pawsteps stray.

                            When you see the summer sky,

                            Or river in its royal blue,

                            Think of me as I go wandering,

                            And know that I’ll come home to you.”

             “Good ‘un, Song,” said Dann appreciatively, when they had passed beyond sight of the red sandstone walls.

             “Now you sing us one.”

             “Ah, you know me. I don’t sing.”

             “I’ll teach you. We have all the time in the world.”

               The two spent several days wandering on their own: lazily, enjoying the journey, occasionally stopping to chat with creatures who made their home in Mossflower Wood. They followed the river in a vague sort of way, and one morning reached a tranquil stretch of water that they recognized from last year’s quest.

             “Dippler and the Guosim should be somewhere close,” said Dann, searching for pawprints in the soft sand. Song had another idea.

             “Logalogalogalog!” she called, in an echoing, birdlike trill. Dann followed suit, paws cupped around his mouth.

             “Logalogalogalog!” he shouted, slightly less melodically, pacing a little farther up the riverbank. “LogalogalogaOOF!”

             Song whirled around in time to see Dannflor flattened by a blur of grey fur. She charged, wielding her walking staff, raising her voice in a thunderous cry of “Redwallllll!”, before skidding to a halt as she recognized a stout spiky shrew kitted out in rapier and colored headband.  

             “Mornin’, Dann. Mornin’ Song. What’s with all the shoutin’?” Dippler grinned, paws still locked around Dann in a bear hug, as he heaved them up from the ground. “We’ve already been tracking you for half a mile.”

             “You never,” Song protested, giving Dippler a hug herself. “Where are the Guosim, anyway? Did they kick you out already, you great rogue?”

             Giggling shrews emerged from a screen of rushes just up the riverbank, almost all of them already known to Dann and Song from the Guosim’s time at Redwall last summer. The two squirrels shook so many paws that their own paws soon felt weary.

             “Come see the new fleet of boats we’ve built,” Dippler said finally, extracting them from a shrew tussle over who would get their honored guests some cold mint tea. “I told ye we were going to make lighter craft, like the Riverhead vole tribe had, faster and easier to manage.”

             Dippler nodded to a shrew standing guard over a willow grove, and he parted a curtain of leaves to let them pass. A fleet of sleek, beautiful boats, masterfully carved from rich honey-colored wood, were docked in a shallow section of the stream, bobbing gently with the motion of the water.

             “They’re wonderful, Dipp,” said Dann, admiring the shine of the varnish and the tiny carvings of waves and flowers ornamenting the prow of each boat. “Are they sea- er, riverworthy yet?”

             “Better than any craft on water!” Dippler replied, puffing out his chest proudly.

             “Well, in that case, how about a little river journey?” Song grinned. “We were thinking of traveling upstream to visit Burble, too, and the Riverhead vole tribe.”

             “Haha, I miss ol’ Burble too. Why not? We’ve been in one place far too long. But first, you’ve got to enjoy our famous Guosim hospitality,” Dippler said firmly. “We had a feeling you’d be comin’ our way! And I want to hear everythin’ that’s happening at Redwall, too, mates!”

             They camped for the night in a lovely watermeadow, ­­­­where dragonflies flitted through the evening sky and paper-white and purple lilies floated on the water. Song and Dann and Dippler caught up together and then spent many hours retelling old tales for the amusement of the Guosim, who especially loved the ones about Megraw Eagle, the Marlfox islands, and Song’s unexpected aunt the hedgehog. Shrewcooks filled their bowls with piping hot tater’n’watershrimp stew and heaped wooden plates with hearty shrewbread and soft white cheese, generously studded with leeks and hazelnuts. When everyone was beginning to yawn, they bedded down on soft sleeping rolls beneath the stars, with the piping of frogs and crickets and waterbirds for a lullaby.

             “It’s like being in the forest when I was a little one,” Song murmured drowsily to Dann, before they fell asleep. “I’m ever so glad you came with me.”

               They spent several days on the river with Dippler and the Guosim, who were taking advantage of the warm weather and calm water to tend to their logboats and teach the younger shrews how to paddle and swim. Dippler, like the old Log-a-Log before him, was patient and kind with the youngsters. When the group agreed (after much time-honored shrew debate, of course) to embark on a visit to Burble’s tribe, he captained a boat of nervous young shrews just learning to row, encouraging them the whole way and tirelessly helping to back their boat out of sandbars and tangles of tree branch whenever the young ones accidentally crashed into the bank. By the time they had reached the end of their expedition the young shrews were keeping up with the best of them, grinning proudly, and Dippler was able to ship oars and sit at ease.

             “Comin’ up on Riverhead vole territory now,” said Dippler, arms crossed, looking every bit the sage Log-a-Log. Sure enough, in the distance they could see the ruddy glow of orange lanternlight muddling the evening lilac, and then a fleet of illuminated watervole coracles gliding a path through the reeds and rushes.

             “Is that old Burble Bigboots, Horror of the Leafwood?” Dann called teasingly from the prow of his shrewboat.

             “That’s Burble Bigthrone, Holder of the Leafwood to you,” a familiar voice called back. “An’ Commander of the good ol’ boat Swallow, yiss yiss!”

             Burble and his tribe of watervoles had soon surrounded the Guosim boats in a flotilla of their own. Shrews and voles exchanged greetings and traded favorite watersongs as they paddled ashore to the Riverhead tribe’s cavern home, where a welcome party was scraping up reels and jigs on an orchestra of well-loved instruments. Burble, once on dry land, kept shaking Dann and Song’s paws vigorously.

             “We’ve been meanin’ to come to Redwall, y’know, but there’s been so much to do here. It was a powerful cold winter, so we’ve been improvin’ our little hideout here, getting everything shipshape, y’see!”

             They recognized the Riverhead voles’ cavern, but sure enough, the place had been spruced up and made even more cheerful and comfortable than a year ago, thanks in great part to Burble’s exuberance. Cozy moss-covered arms and footstools were drawn up around the hearth; lanterns glowed in wallsconces; woven rush mats with a sweet, grassy perfume covered the floors and decorated the walls. Little trinkets from their various travels—beautiful carvings, pressed and dried flowers, pieces of smooth seaglass—were scattered throughout as decoration, giving the place a very homey feel.

             “You kept it, you rogue,” said Dann, horrified and amused, as he spotted a familiar carved chair against the wall of the cave near the dining table. “The Marlfox throne you plundered.”

             “Och, yiss, I kept it, but we mostly use it as the babbies’ high chair,” Burble burbled. “Now sit ye down! I want to hear all about what goes on at your Abbey, hoho!”

             After long hours feasting and catching up with their two friends, Song and Dann stayed up late into the night talking and toasting last autumn’s russet apples over the fire, while watervole lullabies keened softly around them on fiddle and reed flute. Burble and Dippler, propped up by the hearth, were both snoring uproariously, with Burble clutching the greenstone-topped Leafwood even in his sleep.

             “Just like old times, eh?” said Song.

             “Should we wake up early and steal a boat in the morning?” Dann said, trying and failing to keep a straight face.  

             “Oh, yes, I was hoping we’d get chased back to that horrible swampy creekbed again.”

             “Get bit by all manner o’ bugs.”

             “Fight a few ferrets and weasels while we’re at it.”

             “No, thank you, I’m happy right here.”

             Their conversation dissolved, as usual, into laughter. Burble shifted a little, pawing at his nose.          “Madbeasts, both of ye, yiss yiss,” he snuffled aloud, though still sound asleep. “You’re perfect for each other.”

                                                                                      *****

             After several whirlwind days of feasting and dancing, boating and hiking, Dippler and the Guosim set off for farther reaches of Mossflower, and Song and Dann found themselves missing the orchards and sandstone walls of Redwall Abbey, the faces of friends and loved ones, the sound of the evening bells. They bid farewell to Burble and the Riverhead voles (“visit us again!” one and all clamored) and broke camp on an early morning, haversacks filled with homecooked food for their travels, sword and staff in scabbard and paw.

             The path home stretched out before them, twining through lush groves of oak and elm and nodding willow. They stopped a moment to stare in awe of it, smell the sweet grasses and blackberry blossom in the air, listen to the sweet warbling birdsong and the soft winging of the sun-yellow butterflies through the trees of Mossflower Wood.

             “After you, mighty warrior,” Song said finally, inclining her head with grave solemnity.

             “After you, Abbess Songbreeze,” answered Dann, matching her nod with a fantastically elegant bow.

             Song gave him a playful shove. Her touch lingered a little on Dann’s shoulder, and Dann turned to her with a soft contented smile. This time it was Dann who picked up the melody of an old wandering song, surprisingly practiced for one who claimed he never sang.

                              “The road ahead is long and weary,

                            But walking it with you, my dear,

                            Though the miles go slow and dreary,

                            I feel aglow with summer cheer.

                              See the trees bedecked in flowers,

                            All alight with green and gold,

                            Oh, how I love to share these hours -

                            Let’s wander on ‘till we grow old.”

             Paw in paw, side by side, Abbess and Warrior began the journey back to Redwall Abbey.

[traincat]

Can you share why you like the 2015 Fantastic Four movie?

Must a superhero movie be “good”? Is it not enough for a superhero movie to criticize the US military, large?

Okay, seriously, a little bit of background in three points: 1) I followed this movie from the beginning. Through the casting, through the reshoots, through the cryptic articles about how the movie would feature an unexpected romance that turned out to be right but not how we all thought -- I’m pretty sure a Ben/Sue cut of this movie exists somewhere, but it’s hard to argue that the only romantic subplot that exists in the finished film is... Ben/Reed, so. I got excited over stuff in the trailers that was cut from the finished movie entirely. I analyzed the hell out of previews. I almost stole a theater stand but it wouldn’t have fit in my friend’s trunk. I, no joke, bought the Fantastic Four peanut butter. And I had friends who were also excited for the movie, so we were having fun together. So the anticipation definitely has a part in my enjoyment of the movie. “Even though it came like that?” Oh, 100%. 2) I really like Ultimate Fantastic Four, a bad comic, so in a way I was primed to already be like “must a movie be “good?” Must it not simply give me the Mole Man?” (It did not give me the Mole Man.) Fant4stic is much more heavily influenced by Ultimate Fantastic Four than it is by 616 Fantastic Four, especially in its Reed and his relationships with Ben and with Franklin Storm and the think tank. Finally, 3) I really, really dislike the 2005/2007 movies. I think they’re flashy, sexist, shallow hot garbage pieces of filmmaking and I hold Chris Evans’ Johnny from all angles -- writing, styling, performance -- largely responsible for a wide fandom perception of Johnny Storm as a hotheaded playboy. I like Reed and Alicia but that’s basically it. 

And I can -- and have already -- gone over Fant4stic’s faults. It’s very clear that the movie largely falls apart after the time skip, but especially during the final battle, which is messy to the extreme. The extensive reshoots messed with the overall product to the point where you can pinpoint while watching what comes from which shoot, though that’s in part to the horrendous wig they put on Sue to cover up that Kate Mara had cut her hair for a different movie in-between. Josh Trank’s dogs did $100,000 worth of property damage, somehow, during filming. So I’m going to talk about what I like about Fant4stic, and here’s a really big thing: as superhero movies go, it’s different.

There’s something I hear a lot in discussions about Spider-Man films, when someone goes, “No, it wasn’t a good Spider-Man movie, but it was a good superhero movie.” Which is something I take issue with because how are we defining what makes a superhero movie good? And what people seem to think makes a superhero good is the MCU’s general formula -- not necessarily the content of their movies, but formula with which they’re devised, which does, it’s fair to say, make for a big office winner, too. And what the MCU does is it makes superhero action movies. It plays around a little with genre -- Captain America: The First Avenger is a war movie, but it’s an action war movie. Guardians of the Galaxy is a space action movie. Ant-Man is a heist action movie. It’s spun its Spider-Man movies as coming of age stories, but they’re action movies. This becomes a problem for a viewer (me, I’m the viewer) if you don’t really love action movies all that much.

In no way, shape, or form can anyone make the claim that Fant4stic is an action movie. Its one big superhero fight scene is a complete and utter failure and probably the worst scene -- probably because it was never meant to be in there. Fant4stic was meant to be a horror movie with a superhero angle, which isn’t all that surprising considering it was directed by Josh “Chronicle” Trank. And I’m really into using big superhero properties to explore other genres -- Logan’s dystopian western, TASM/2′s romance. Fant4stic’s horror. Some of the best parts of the movie are the ramping up to the accident. You know it’s coming. You know it’s going to go horribly wrong. You know Ben, in particular, played with a quiet but longing stoicness by Jamie Bell pre-transformation (and the only film Ben to be acknowledged on-screen as Jewish), is about to be, pardon the pun, doomed. And then there’s the utter horror of the aftermath: Johnny, apparently a burnt out shell, lying in the wreckage as Ben screams for Reed for to help him. Reed crawling through the smoldering chaos only to look back and see that his legs are still pinned under the wreckage. That’s good. A version of the film was apparently screened before the reshoots and the test audience found it “too dark” and I desperately want to see that cut.

In addition to Fant4stic’s horror angle, there’s the villain of the piece: the US military. Doom, despite showing back up last minute looking like lovechild of Annihilus and a melted toy soldier -- Annihilus was supposed to be an initial villain in the film, so the resemblance likely isn’t accidental -- isn’t the true villain of the piece. If anything, young ecoterrorist Victor who just wants to rule his own planet is kind of a charming concept. But the villain of the piece is the military, who wants to use the gate for their own purposes. The military imprisons Ben, Johnny, and Sue after their transformation and explicitly uses Ben as a killing machine. When Harvey Allen approaches Ben, he convinces him Reed’s abandoned him, and that he has to “play ball” with the government. Johnny’s youthful enthusiasm and longing to belong places him in similar danger -- Sue and Franklin explicitly talk about how, if they don’t do something, Johnny’s going to be used as a weapon. One of my favorite lines in the film is when Reed is brought back to the compound to see his reworked invention: “You made it ugly.” The film backs off on this at the very end -- it doesn’t stick the landing like TASM/2 does, where the ultimate villain that spawns the actual superpowered villains is consistently Oscorp’s abuses -- but it does better highlighting this than a vast swathe of other superhero films: the bad guy isn’t Doom. Doom isn’t the one who tortures Ben. Doom isn’t the one who remakes the gate with the express purpose of breeding super soldiers. It’s the military.

I also really like the characters within the film. I don’t think this is going to be hugely surprising to my followers, but really all you need to do to make me like a Fantastic Four adaptation is nail Johnny Storm, and Fant4stic nailed Johnny Storm. I think Michael B Jordan was really terrific casting, and I’m sad we didn’t get to see more of him in the roll, because he was great at portraying Johnny’s insecurities and his vulnerability, making his occasional moments of swagger charming instead of oily, like when he blows a kiss to a rival racer. Introducing Johnny with a drag race -- and with Standing in the Shadows of Love, which is a great Johnny song, and I love how music is a big thing for both Storm siblings -- established his ability with cars and his talent for building things, letting the audience know that Johnny is smart and capable, it’s just that he doesn’t feel like he is. I love this Sue, too, serious and blunt and a little awkward, incredibly smart and far more inclined to hold a grudge than her brother. I love how she’s styled -- her clothes are normal and her makeup is realistically minimal, not movie-minimal. There’s no scene where Fant4stic’s Sue has to strip off her clothes to use her powers, or where a sexy nurse exists so Johnny can hit on her and the audience can get their recommended fifteen minutes of female objectification.

Ben is, as he often is in Fantastic Four pieces, a standout, of course, and Jamie Bell gives a great performance, both anguished and full of rage and resentment and at the same time love for Reed, but it’s his design I love the best. The 2005/2007 Thing design is cartoonish -- the 2015 is monstrous. I love the first few Thing scenes where Ben seems to have trouble moving, dragging himself across the floor, because you get a sense of how incredibly heavy his new form is and how difficult it is to exist in it beyond just looking like a rock creature. The horror of the superhero transformation is built into Ben Grimm at his core, but here it doesn’t manifest in a lost fiance or children screaming on the street but in the difficulty with which he moves, the new grinding note of his voice, vocal chords landsliding together. It’s some really terrific work. And while I think Ioan Gruffudd’s Reed was actually a pretty perfect 616 Reed (more’s the shame about the rest of the films), the Reed of Fant4stic is Ultimate Reed in the beginning through and through. The precocious genius of his childhood, misunderstood by everyone but Ben until Franklin Storm sees him, the scene where he takes the kid’s model airplane and awkwardly apologizes afterwards (the “you’re a dick” line IS funny), his awkward attempts to connect with Sue, his attempts to connect with Victor. Like Sue, he’s straightforward and blunt. The way he isolates himself in his attempt to fix things. How gross his powers are in motion. The aforementioned “you made it ugly” line. I really do like him as a Reed. And Victor... Victor is hilarious. I’m sorry, but it’s true. I was on board back when they were like “he’s a blogger, he’s a gamer” like I was 100% down to see Doom’s tortured neon green on black LiveJournal screeds, and opening on Victor unwashed in the dark playing video games? Hilarious. Victor seeing glowing green energy and immediately going “I’m gonna f*ck it”? Superb. Is this a good Doom interpretation? Maybe not, but it was entertaining. I think they could’ve gone full Ultimate and put little metal hooves on him post-transformation, granted. It’s not the Doom I want for any upcoming Doom projects -- I want my science wizard monarch -- but I can’t say I don’t like the character that Fant4stic gave me.

Fant4stic is an imperfect film, but I’d rather have an imperfect film with characters and themes that I like and one that did something different than a perfect film made with the same old formula and the same jokes on the same beats.

Also, if anyone’s curious, since Fant4stic has no DVD commentary (a crying shame on so many levels), @johnnystormcast recorded our own in our Giant Size Annual and you can download it to watch along with our thoughts, which are very deep and not at all mostly about how Ben and Reed are in love in the film.

[placetobenation]

The biggest news from the WWE doesn’t come in the ring this week, it’s where that ring will be come SummerSlam.

After calling the Performance Center its home for the past five months, the WWE will venture outside to a new venue starting this upcoming week for SmackDown and SummerSlam. Starting Friday night, the WWE returns to LIVE shows at the Amway Center in Orlando, Florida to kick-off SummerSlam weekend. Moving forward, not only will PPV’s be LIVE and in Orlando, but RAW and SmackDown will do the same. It should bring some new energy and creativity to the shows with a bigger venue and being LIVE each week. That’s a good thing. Plus, there’s rumors that there will be virtual fans on hand until the point and time where the WWE can bring back fans to the arena. I’m looking forward to it. I think we all are. It would be very cool to see yourself up on the big screens on Monday Night RAW or Friday Night SmackDown right from your very own home, just like the NBA games from the Bubble.

Star of the Week: Asuka

Beating Bayley on Monday night to win a SummerSlam title match for Sasha Banks’ RAW title was the start. Beating the NXT, RAW and SmackDown ladies in the Tri-Branded Battle Royale to gain a SmackDown title match against Bayley the very same night at SummerSlam now gives Asuka the chance to be a double-strap diva and rid Bayley and Banks of half their gold. That’s one helluva week!

SummerSlam PPV – Updated Card:

WWE Championship Match: Drew McIntyre vs. Randy Orton

Universal Championship Match: Braun Strowman vs. The FIend

United States Championship Match: Apollo Crews vs. MVP

Hair vs. Hair Match: Mandy Rose vs. Sonya Deville

RAW Tag Team Championship Match: The Street Profits vs. Andrade & Angel Garza

Seth Rollins vs. Dominik Mysterio (Mysterio can bring weapons)

RAW

RESULTS

Seth Rollins defeated Humberto Carrillo

Angelo Dawkins defeated Andrade

Bianca Belair defeated Zelina Vega

Non-title US Championship Match: Shelton Benjamin defeated Apollo Crews

Cedric Alexander, Ricochet and The Vikings Raiders defeated Akira Tozawa and the Ninjas

24/7 Championship: R-Truth defeated Akira Tozawa to win title

Peyton Royce defeated Liv Morgan

Asuka defeated Bayley by submission – Asuka wins shot at Sasha Banks RAW Women’s Championship at SummerSlam

Randy Orton defeated Kevin Owens

We told you it was coming…

Maybe not.#WWERaw @RandyOrton @RicFlairNatrBoy pic.twitter.com/6zLFS4ZBCD

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) August 11, 2020

Damn you Randy – Even though we’ve been telling for weeks that Randy Orton would take out his mentor Ric Flair, it still stings to see it go down at the end of the show. Sure, they spared us watching The Legend Killer punt The Nature Boy in the head with the lights going out (presumably by Retribution), but it still was one helluva a way to put some added heat into Orton vs. Drew McIntyre for the WWE Championship at SummerSlam. This one could have tentacles for weeks to come as we could see Flair align himself with the new young studs and his returning daughter Charlotte to get revenge on Randy or maybe Nach just says attaboy to Randy and helps him beat Drew. Either way, it’s a great angle being played out.

Damn!

Damage to Dominik – That certainly is no way to celebrate signing a WWE contract! Mysterio’s son gets a kendo stickn whooping from Seth Rollins and Murphy in a beating that brings back memories of Tommy Dreamer in the ECW Arena. Give the kid credit, he took it like a champ!

Asuka does it again! – Bayley submits and we get Asuka vs. Sasha Banks in a SummerSlam rematch. Always good stuff and now we get more on a bigger stage!

Intrigued:

"How are you going to lead the Women's locker room if you don't even have a @tiktok_us?" – @LanaWWE to @MickieJames #WWERaw pic.twitter.com/ERwCUPjIw4

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) August 11, 2020

Lana & Nattie & Mickie – I do like the pairing of new besties Lana and Natalya and now you add in a returning aMickie James and you have me interested in next week’s match. Looking forward to some good veteran work there!

Underwhelmed:

.@QoSBaszler + #RawUnderground = all-out chaos.

#WWERaw pic.twitter.com/RUw2eHTYqO

— WWE (@WWE) August 11, 2020

RAW Underground – It’s not that I don’t like RAW Underground, because I do. I like the look and the idea of it. I just don’t think it’s been explained very well for two weeks. Why are they fighting? What do they get for winning? What’s the pay off? So many questions and yet, so few answers so far. BTW: I’m with Liv Morgan: bring back the dancers! Shayna Baszler was a nice addition, but it seems toned down. Let her loose!

More carnage at the hands of RETRIBUTION.#WWERaw pic.twitter.com/DhNDmErbKv

— WWE (@WWE) August 11, 2020

Retribution – Again, I like the idea of a rogue faction, I really do. But after destroying the ring on SmackDown last week, we get very little out of the group on RAW other than to break some glass. By week two, we should get a tease as to who they are and why they are there. Plus, the damage should be a bit more don’t you think! Time to ramp it up ladies and gents! Seems like a perfect fit for Tommaso Ciampa since no one in NXT can figure out a role for him these days.

Lots to like:

Short but sweet – Bianca Belair vs. Zelina Vega, Angelo Dawkins vs. Andrade, Liv Morgan vs. Peyton Royce – they all paid off in brief but fun matches. We’d all like to see things go a bit more than five minutes, but at least they’re getting airtime, right?! The same can’t be said of the 8-man match between the The Viking Raiders, Ricochet & Cedric Alexander vs. Akira Tozawa and The Ninjas which did little but to set up R-Truth’s latest 24/7 Title win.

Still don’t get it:

Crews loses again – I just don’t understand the constant jobbing out of the United States Champion. Win one week, lose the next two. It’s no way to make him look strong. If you want the belt on MVP or Bobby Lashley or Shelton Benjamin, just do it already and make them stronger for more than a night. 50-50 booking doesn’t help anyone.

NXT

RESULTS

Karrion Kross defeated Danny Burch

Non-title NXT Cruiserweight Championship Match: Santos Escobar defeated Tyler Breeze

Mia Yim defeated Indie Hartwell

Bronson Reed defeated Damian Priest

Mercedes Martinez & Aliyah defeated Kacy Catanzaro & Kayden Carter

NXT North American Championship Qualifying Match: Cameron Grimes defeated KUSHIDA & The Velveteen Dream

This week’s NXT was like breakfast for dinner. Everyone likes it, it tastes really good but it’s never something that stands out in what you remember for the week, right? Well, that’s how I feel about this week’s show. Nothing tremendously outstanding but everything was really good. It lacked that “can’t miss” match like it’s been having week-to-week. Some of that is due to giving those that haven’t had a chance fight it out for the Keith Lee opportunity for the NXT North American Championship, but when Cameron Grimes is beating KUSHIDA and The Velveteen Dream, I lose a little faith. Here’s hoping the heel turn for TVD and a match next week vs. Finn Balor makes up for it.

We've seen a lot of, um, interesting contract signings in @WWE over the years, but never something like this. #WWENXT

pic.twitter.com/pCbE9S5lCT

— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) August 13, 2020

There was plenty of set-up to the night as the best thing on NXT these days – Karrion Kross & Scarlett Bordeaux toss a fireball Keith Lee’s way en route to their NXT Championship contract signing. When I mentioned liking the slow burn to this feud, I had no idea we’d have this just happening. But it makes it more personal, that’s for sure!

Offer accepted, @AdamColePro. @PatMcAfeeShow will see you next week! #WWENXT #NXTTakeOver pic.twitter.com/YdgeJCse4T

— WWE NXT (@WWENXT) August 13, 2020

Adam Cole and The Undisputed Era took out Drake Maverick and Killian Dain for no reason other than to call out Pat McAfee for a face-to-face week, which of course, McAfee agreed to.

Next week. #WWENXT @FinnBalor @DreamWWE pic.twitter.com/BrGRIGb1Z7

— WWE (@WWE) August 13, 2020

In a bit of a surprise, especially considering the rumors of sexual misconduct swirling regarding The Velveteen Dream, we get a TVD return and a heel turn to boot Wednesday night. It wasn’t that good of a match with Cameron Grimes and KUSHIDA but at least we had the payoff of the Finn Balor vs. TVD match which should more than make up for it. I do like the idea of more sinister TVD too. After a lackluster run at Adam Cole and the NXT Championship, the Dream needs a little lift in his character.

Now THAT was en fuego! And if you 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 know what that means, it means on

! #WWENXT @RobertStoneWWE @KacyCatanzaro @wwekayden @RealMMartinez @WWE_Aliyah pic.twitter.com/m8hb5buEFG

— WWE (@WWE) August 13, 2020

Finally, count me in on more Kacy Catanzaro & Kayden Carter. They don’t win much, but they sure do entertain when they’re out there and it’s good to see them put into the Robert Stone Brand angle to provide a little depth. Give me more! Athleticism and personality persona fide!

SMACKDOWN

RESULTS

Tri-Branded Battle Royale – Asuka wins to claim title match vs. Bayley for SmackDown Women’s Championship at SummerSlam

Sheamus defeated Shorty G

Gran Metalik defeated Shinsuke Nakamura

Big E defeated John Morrison

Loved it:

The winner of the Triple Brand Battle Royal and challenging @itsBayleyWWE for the #SmackDown Women's Championship at @SummerSlam: @WWEAsuka! pic.twitter.com/YWtcNVnkTd

— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) August 15, 2020

Battle Royale – Setting up Asuka to win two title matches at SummerSlam as she now faces both Bayley and Sasha Banks for their SmackDown and RAW Championships is fabulous. There’s a lot that can happen. Do Bayley and Sasha trip each other up? Can Asuka run the gauntlet? Does Shayna Baszler get involved? Lots of intrigue!

Hair vs. Hair – Sure, we all saw it coming but now that they actually want to go through with it, I can wait to see former best friends Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville beat the holy hell out of each other to protect their golden (and not so golden) locks!

They're back! #SmackDown pic.twitter.com/PZgPKJEXEm

— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) August 15, 2020

Retribution gets some teeth to it – Attacks to start and end the show give some grit to Retribution. First, they beat up Big E and John Morrison to begin the night. Then, as the full SmackDown roster comes out to protect Big E and Morrison, Retribution takes apart the entire locker-room.

Did anyone else find it odd though that Braun Strowman and Sheamus both come out from the back right after the Retribution attack but neither either didn’t know it was happening or do anything about it? Hmmmmmmmm……. I do think we need to hear from them on what the anti-WWE message they keep spray-painting everywhere really means. Plus, we need to find out some teases as to just who some of these rebels are. We need some depth and next week could be a huge week in that development.

Welcome back:

Kalisto – Kalisto is back to help Gran Metalik get a win over Shinsuke Nakamura in a very lackluster match. But, it was funny to see Lucha House Party steal the Tag Team Titles from Nakamura and Cesaro to start a little feud there.

Huh?

Sheamus vs. everyone? – It seems like Sheamus is taking on everyone these days. Last week, Jeff Hardy and King Corbin were in his crosshairs and this week, it’s Shorty G and Big E. Not sure where they’re going with Sheamus.

No. We're not creeped out at all. ps. send help. #SmackDown pic.twitter.com/QeaFTVTdOu

— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) August 15, 2020

Alexa Bliss – Why is everyone beating up Miss Bliss? Maybe only The Fiend can save her? It would be a pretty cool double-turn! Strowman is definitely better as a badass than a one-trick babyface pony.

Parting Shots:

ICYMI – Former longtime referee Mike Chioda showed up on All Elite Wrestling this week to officiate the TNT Championship Match between Cody Rhodes and Scorpio Sky. Good to see Mike back at it after being let go earlier this year by the WWE after nearly three decades. Good luck ahead Mike!

NXT TakeOver: 30 – Updated Card:

NXT Championship Match: Keith Lee vs. Karrion Kross

Pat McAfee vs. Adam Cole

NXT Women’s Championship Match: Io Shirai vs. Dakota Kai

NXT North American Championship Match: Bronson Reed vs. Damien Priest vs. Cameron Grimes vs. 2 TBD

Coming up next week:

RAW: Shawn Michaels confronts Randy Orton for his attack on Ric Flair

NXT: Adam Cole vs. Pat McAfee Face-to-Face NXT North American Championship Qualifying Match: Finn Balor vs. The Velveteen Dream NXT North American Championship Qualifying Match: Johnny Gargano vs. Ridge Holland 6-Man Tag Team Match: Legado Del Fantasma vs. Breezango & Isaiah “Swerve” Scott

SMACKDOWN: Intercontinental Championship Match: AJ Styles vs. Jeff Hardy

Thanks for letting us share our thoughts! Shoot me an email at jcrowe567@gmail.com. We’d love to hear your comments and suggestions! You can also check out my blog, The Crowe’s Nest as we delve into more pro wrestling, sports entertainment and the World of Sports. My apologies ahead of time – I AM a Patriots, Red Sox, Celtics and Bruins fan! If you’re not down with that, I’ve got TWO WORDS for you… NEW ENGLAND