#especially when other ppl get a lot of engagement comparatively. makes me feel like im the problem

[windupaidoneus]

hey guess what i really enjoy reading the things you write and listening to you talk about your creative process because the ammount of Love and Care you put into crafting and refining each detail really shines through and that kind of passion is something that cannot be replaced

framing this on my wall btw . auhg.,, youve literally said it before but well of course it gets me anyway. it is really nice to be perceived & especially nice for my creative stuff to be perceived & like. to hear opinions on it. perhaps i am an attention seeker (i am without a doubt an attention seeker) & a reassurance craver (yeah that one for sure too) but idk they're some of my favourite compliments/feedback to get. it means a lot to me. always

[raytorosaurus]

bit of a weird ask but I saw a twitter post saying they were 'devastated' over what frank said in an interview about performing/writing in ls dunes compared to some other bands (theyre assuming that the 'other bands' means mcr because they cant think of the 20+ other bands that hes been in) and after reading it a second time it doesn't even seem that negative?? it just talks about different processes and his excitement for dunes, but I still feel down anyway now because of that reaction, and it really makes me doubt that part of the fandom's faith in the band and its members im kinda close to quitting the fandom because of this and idk how the tumblr/twitter gang here survives it y'all are troopers, im unsure how to avoid that kind of doomposting

sorry i totally forgot to answer this the other day, i hope you see this!

but yeah, i see the same thing and it is. pretty irritating haha. it speaks to the unrealistic traits and behaviours fandom has applied to these ppl over the years/decades - which are harmless enough on the surface, but left unchecked you end up with doomposting or disproportionate levels of discourse when one of them doesn't behave the way their textpostified personalities would have you believe hahaha. if frank isn't anything but reverential towards mcr then he must hate it. if gerard puts time and work into his artistic and career pursuits that aren't related to mcr he must be giving up on the band like he supposedly did in 2012. if ray, who hasn't done a single interview since 2016, isn't on stage showing frank public affection or admiring him on twitter, he must be bossy and arrogantly taking all the glory for mcr's guitar parts and musicality. if mikey does anything it's gotta have something to do with gerard or mcr because obvs he doesn't exist outside the band etc etc. again none of these things are like. problematic or bad**, just kind of. annoying to engage with as an adult in the space i go to enjoy myself hahaha.

but this specific discussion abt frank implicitly dissing mcr also cropped up after that podcast frank did with travis, where he discussed writing music with ls dunes vs every other band/project he's been involved in. which, let's remember, is a fucking lot. how many albums has frank made or been part of? too many to easily count. only about four or five of those were with my chemical romance. ls dunes is only set apart from the rest because they're currently active after mcr's huge reunion, and they're a supergroup so they're getting a lot of press attention. people have never batted an eye in the past when frank has discussed how great it is to be working with this or that musician on this or that album - it's just the timing of ls dunes and our own high hopes for new mcr music that make people take this one in particular so personally.

on top of that... we've always known mcr has a fraught and stressful writing process??? that is like. a major part of the lore? we're all compelled by the insane amount of unlikely success mcr achieved in their careers, and by the fact that they were always controversial. we reblog quotes about gerard saying mcr's purpose was always to be against something, to undermine expectations, to infiltrate, contaminate etc. i thought this was something we were all drawn to about mcr? so i'll never understand the shock and disappointment when frank makes the simple statement that writing with ls dunes is easier, less stressful, and more lighthearted than writing with mcr. like...duh it is? mcr have always been open about how much they put into writing albums - and also about how they're proud of what they created, and that they consider each other cherished family.

the most annoying part for me is when people take quotes about frank working with travis and twist them into some kind of dig at/criticism of ray. i can only assume these people aren't used to working with others in a creative capacity, especially long term, because i just totally can't understand where it comes from lol. as someone who's read/watched every guitar-related mcr interview i've ever been able to get my hands on: ray and frank have literally never been anything other than fully complimentary of, respectful to, and affectionate with one another. ray was far from the first guitarist frank ever worked with and leagues from the only one. also, creative partnerships are extremely complex and every one is completely unique, with it's own strengths and difficulties. if ray and frank didn't love playing with each other they wouldn't have done it for years and years. that doesn't mean frank can't vocally love playing with other guitarists??? these things are not contradictory and appreciating aspects of one creative partnership is not equivalent to bad-mouthing a different one? like that is just not how it works skdkdjd

anyway i think a lot of it comes down to the fact that, for us, we see these people as parts of my chemical romance. naturally, because that's the reason we know they exist! but all of these people live rich and full and complex lives like any other person. the only parts of those lives that we generally see much of are the my chemical romance parts. we look for mcr in everything they say, which is understandable but unrealistic. all we need to do it keep that in mind imo

**(tho ppl's tendency to pit ray and frank against each other for some reason, which used to be a way common but is unfortunately a sentiment i'm starting to see crop up again in some places, definitely can get. suspicious and uncomfortable. especially considering that frank is the fan favourite so these pointless comparisons tend to err in his favour, and in either direction they tend to be very shallow and uninformed anyway. but that's a separate conversation)

wow i literally did not intend to turn this into a giant essay im so sorry. kudos if you made it this far lol. and i feel you anon, it's discouraging and puts a bad taste in my mouth when i come to this fandom for fun and fulfillment. i wish i had better advice because im feeling a little similar but just try to remind yourself that other people's opinions are just that. i find it helps if you can curate your own dash/feed or make friends in more discussion-friendly spaces like dms or gcs or discord servers. or even a priv twitter account with a few like-minded mutuals where you can vent ur shared frustrations over things without making it a whole big deal HAHAHA. the less time you spend scrolling thru ppl's public posts and the more time you spend diving into interviews, podcasts, videos, the web archive etc to detach yourself a little from group fandom-think the better you'll probably feel about mcr tbh! also long as you have friends or close mutuals that's all that matters imo <3

[thedevilliers]

Hey, I've been reading your story for a while, and I'm enjoying it very much. Following the De Villiers has been so fun, and you've inspired me to create my own royal Simblr!

Can you maybe share some tips about what to do with your royals? I'll be posting my family within the next few weeks, and I have already planned out several engagements + events, including visits to parks/schools/hospitals, parties, and news surrounding a royal pregnancy. I've also planned out the first arc. I don't know what else to do, and I've barely started! If you have any tips related to the beginning of your Simblr that you didn't cover in your other post, I would so appreciate them. I want to get all this nailed down *before* posting, so my blog is the best that it can be.

Also, if you have any advice on how to make things as efficient as possible (especially regarding posing sims, editing/writing posts, etc.), I would love that! I want to cut down on time wasted wherever I can.

Thank you!! :-)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 me?!!?!?! ME ??????? omg 🧍‍♀️ thank u for reading my story 🥺 and AAAAAAAAAAAA your own royal simblr !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ill answer everythin under the cut !!!!! spoilers: it got long sorry

first of all, remember we ALL started somewhere. you can look at my first like... fifteen and even MORE posts and they are BAD. oh my gawd idk why i thought they were good, but hey! i learned things from them. you will more than likely change your mind about certain things from the beginning of your blog to who knows, four months from now. don’t focus and worry a lot on ‘perfection’ and setting up ‘high standards’ from the beginning. treat it like a learning curve! this is something we all do for fun, so don’t get stressed a lot on it. you can always change and adapt things and that’s no problem!

i love lists, so im gonna list a few things of advice/tips basing myself on what you said!!!

i personally don't do engagements anymore, so i can't really help you in this regard of even more activities you could do 🧍‍♀️ what i could recommend for people to get to know your characters' personalities and private lives and grow attached to them, add in BTS posts.

continuing on my BTS’ post thing, they are a GREAT way to show more than what the public sees for your royals. because from a press and public point of view, you don't really know 'what goes on behind closed doors'. they could be all happy in public, but in privatE??!??!!?!?

as i said in my starting out guide, i did have around ~15 drafts done before i started posting. just so i could not stress about “oh my god i dont have any posts for tomorrow”. a LOT of ppl do posts and queue them as they go, and they have MANY posts done and usually they start accumulating and they are MONTHS in advance compared to what they’re currently posting. if this method works for you, you can definitely use it!

please, please please read your dialogue OUT loud. is it possible to say a 2093023902 word sentence without a singular use of punctuation? do people in this age and era really talk this way? also please if possible use correct grammar. just a little pet peeve, it can take a reader out of the immersion your story gives them.

we all have our lil dialogue habits. mine is starting sentences with “oh” and the infamous dash “—”. others use ellipses. just make sure you aren’t overdoing it. for example, doing a sentence like “oh— there you are. i was uhm— looking for you. how—how are you? its—i mean where have you uhm— been? yes—ive—ive been fine. you? i mean— your mom” ....just no 😔 it doesnt read well at ALL

you can always do lil filler posts, dont tell anyone tell you otherwise. post a little simstagram post, a little family portrait, updated portraits post, family hanging out, kids hanging out, etc.

for posing sims, i do try and remember where MOST of my poses are in the ingame list. usually creators’ correctly naming the poses helps a lot. for example i need a Mel Bennet pose; hers are usually ALL in the same spot and have the same lil aqua bg so i can easily find them. sometimes, i dl pose packs VERY specifically for a certain scene. am i gonna use them again? no. so i open the .package file in sims4studio and rename them to “00 for emi scene [rest of the og name” so when i open my game, they are around the top of the list! no more scrolling and i easily know what i need it for.

dont be scared to plan things that are happening MONTHS from now or anything in detail. some ppl dont like planning things in detail, or even dont like planning things AT ALL or things that arent happening say, in over 2 weeks because idk, they get bored. i recommend at LEAST having a list of things that HAVE to happen so you have ‘goals’ and you slowly plan out how you’re gonna get there. at LEAST theres some level of planning there. if you’re posting and PLANNING as you go, there’s gonna be holes. and it’s gonna be obvious.

editing wise, i don’t do much. my reshade does most of the work, i just add in my psd, add text and done! this is easily the fastest thing you will ever do.

if you get inspired by someone else doing, idk, a certain layout for the portraits, them adding little things to their captions, a certain edit, etc. if you want to do something similar and you ARE very much aware you were inspired by them, credit them in the caption. i beg. its free, its the nice thing to do, bc if not its rude.

if you get inspired by a certain storyline someone else did and you notice yours is gonna be similar, go ahead and send them a message to let them know and if they have any tips or feel uncomfortable with you doing this. simply put, if you don’t, you’re gonna look bad. we are all bound to do same storylines, such as assassinations, shooty shooty’s, stalkers, first loves, accidental babies, etc. but what changes is how each person approaches it. no ones gonna do it the same way as you and others. if you CONSCIOUSLY start copying else, stop it. and you could even be unconsciously be inspired by someone else too. it happens! just make sure you are able to look at the bigger picture and realize “hey, i’m doing something wrong”

same thing with dialogue. you like a line someone else said in their story? don’t just... steal it and incorporate it into yours word BY WORD

OVERALL: you can be inspired. give credit where it’s due. and don’t copy because someone else is doing ‘something others like’ and you want others to like your story. no no no !

im adding this AFTER i posted it but, be yourself. in the way you interact with others and send questions, etc. don’t try and copy someone else’s personality because they are liked and essentially absorb them. be yourself and i’m sure a lot of ppl will like you the way you are : D

for my writing dialogue etc, this goes back to my point 8. i use milanote, its free and you get 200 free thingies to use, and i plan out how every single one of my posts is gonna go. so i just have to go ingame and i already know what im gonna do. no thoughts, just taking screenshots. for example, this is how a part of my part 2, chapter 3 posts layout looks like. every square is a post that has what is happening, who is in it, what is gonna be said very vaguely, etc:

11. and the most important tip! don’t compare yourself to others. i did it at the beginning. i think we all did at one point. its not good for you at all. please always remember we all are here for share our lil stories with each other and it’s not easy get a following. you’ll get there and its gonna take time. be patient, be nice!!! and i cant wait to see your story!!!!!!!!!!

[haemosexuality]

if i could change the school system and how it works theres two big things id change:

first would be how tests are made. id take away points/grades/etc. bc i feel like the way tests currently work, with you either losing or gaining points based on how many answers you get right, feel more like a game than about how much you learned. because it just encourages you to like, find ways to get as many answers right as you can so you can Do Good and Pass, by cheating or having little memory hacks or just memorizing stuff hours before the test that you're inevitably gonna forget (this isnt just based on my experience in school, a lot of my friends felt and did the same). especially considering that you can lose points before the test by having "bad behavior" or missing school days etc. plus the way its so competitive? you cant talk with anyone while doing it (which is stupid, because in real life if you have a problem youre not gonna do it by yourself? almost no one works alone, and you can always search stuff if you forgot or are unsure?), again the points makes everyone compare theirs and the kids that got higher a lot of the times feel better, more smart, and will rub it in the face of ppl that got lower. id still have tests i think, but without the grades system, and they would only be to determine which student learned what and which ones need extra help with stuff. plus youd be able to discuss it with other students+search your books/notes while doing it. not getting a lot of answers right wouldn't be seen as a failing but just as a sign you maybe need another way of learning it, or some more time/attention.

second would be that id separate stuff (i forgot the word in english sorry. as matérias) into two categories. k let me explain like a few years ago, when i was in 7th grade, i was talking to an adult (i think she was an aunt?? i dont remember who) and i was like "dude im never gonna need hald of this stuff in my life. if i was a teacher id only teach important stuff ppl actually use like +, -, x, ÷ etc. all this complicated math stuff is useless unless youre gonna have a job in this area" and she said "but hard equations like that are important to train and exercise your brain, especially while its still developing". and like, yeah, true. so if separate things into Actually Important Things People Need To Learn (which should include like. house stuff. how do banks work. teach me about bills or something) and Exercises. a lot of the exercises wouldn't actually be included in tests, and there's be way more focus on important stuff, since theyd be seen as just that, exercises for your developing brain. also, i think classes should be more fun and engaging, make kids actually excited about learning, with little puzzles etc. let kids talk to each other. copying 10 pages worth of stuff off a whiteboard on a time of the day your brain isnt even progammed to be awake is Not Good For You and its probably one of the worst ways to learn.

[misterbitches]

Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas. 

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL. 

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t 

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers! 

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die. 

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts  more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more.  i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done) 

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom. 

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through. 

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao.  basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman.  anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord. 

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop. 

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t.  beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when  i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are. 

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of  bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid. 

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc. 

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me) 

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao 

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and  i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex) 

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

mmm i’m actually Feelin Ok today, which is strange, but i’m not about to question it, but also—tricky time of yr for not feeling a lil bummed abt ppl talking abt certain things!! like, you know, the ol “don’t get mad at people for sharing positive things in their lives” which like, yeah, true, its especially not fair to Engage with someone to tell them the nice thing they’re talking abt is depressing you or something. but it IS fair that it’s depressing you

i mean, in general, it’s just good strategy to try to learn not to compare yourself to anyone else / not compare your life to theirs. b/c you can’t!! there’s no valid point of comparison and mostly it’s gonna make u feel bad abt some shit so just. don’t compare. but realistically sometimes you can’t help it and sometimes ppl talking abt how they have something you don’t, like a good mood or money or something good happening to them, is gonna bum you out just cuz its a Reminder. smh

like there’s a lot of Positive Year End Memes going on today about “what good shit happened to you this year” and “what good shit is gonna happen to you next year” and like, as someone who’s just livin that depression life and has had some fuckin crap years since two thousand whenever and is rn specifically expecting some real rough shit from 2019 and im trying not to think too much abt it thanks....it’s just not the most totally pleasant experience having it on my tl. it’s not horrible either!! i’m weirdly okay today!!! but it’s a bit :/// at times

and like even when im having a bad day? i do like to know cool things are happening to cool people. it can both be happy And a bummer lmao like. it does cheer me up knowing things are going right for some people even if not for me!!! i like that shit. and sometimes i’m the one posting in a Good Mood way when i see other ppl are having a bad time. and like, you know it can be weird, there’s not really a Real Answer since no platform has “mood filters” ppl can use lol, you gotta feel free to talk abt Good Moods and Bad Moods alike.

like im never like “eegh the internet is destructive and social media is unhealthy” like—it’s just different and has different strengths / failings / framework etc!!! Sarcasm doesnt always work in text like it would in person coz you don’t have tone of voice, but we make up other ways to convey tone thru Net Grammar. and in person if someone was sad you wouldn’t go up to them and start talking about how great YOU’RE feeling, but when u do Good News announcements in social media text / email text / letter text, sometimes it might make someone temporarily sadder and thats not a failing on your part, it just Happens. just a thing!!

like hell im in the xmas haters club, i dont care about the day of, i had a decent time on the 25th just fuckin around online!! but i also Feel why xmas depresses ppl coz like. i don’t like my parents and my siblings are basically more of Friendly Acquaintances and i don’t consider myself having a family & the best thing in my life is NOT having to be around that, but as an abstract concept its like hmm yeah wish i Did have a cool family i got to spend time with!! sucks to suck i guess. wish i was eating a lot today and shit. oh well

like!! yknow!! i’ve been hungry enough at several points that even seeing pix of food felt awful enough to make me cry a bit. did i think ppl were at fault for posting hq pix of wedge cut fries!! no. did i wish they Hadn’t posted it, yes. did i Know that the problem was that i wasn’t able to eat enough and not that other ppl were and that them Not posting abt food wasn’t gonna help? obvs!! etc etc. not a perfect 1:1 point of comparison, but sometimes You’re Painfully Underfed and you just can’t avoid being a lil upset by someone’s food content.

[bi-dazai]

@tragicallyphosphorescent

I'm going to respond to this one by one.

1. I never said pm me, i said don't respond as confrontationally. if i was in front of you in real life you would not engage with this discussion this way. im perfectly open to discussing and learning, with online spaces giving the benefit of allowing us to link sources. i also don't mind disussing these matters without someone being airy fairy friendly - id be happy for you to respond and discuss with me with the tone ive been using to respond to you. but you came in blazing and just immediately assumed the worst of me. you didn't ask clarification, you didn't provide sources nor any evaluation on why I was wrong with the coffee thing, nor why posting and saying what i did WAS ableist. if you don't feel like teaching me or discussing this, that's fine. but block me instead of replying, because by doing so you've said you want me to respond.

EDIT: i actually think you should have pmed me because we were quite literally mutuals.

2. Again you say you don't need to respond to everything that's hurtful to you. Then why did you respond? Also, it wasn't directed at you specifically, it was directed at a certain subsection of the online adhd community, specifically on twitter.

3. This is a screenshot of a tweet, not a Tumblr post. Make of that what you will.

4. I already clarified why i added my point abt the term add being not a diagnosis in the tags - it was semi-related to the post, and it was me saying a lot of these ppl on twitter who are adhd advocates/give out information abt adhd online still use outdated material and generalise every widely normal thing as an ADHD thing. this is misinformation. It can lead to people thinking they have adhd when they have something different, and getting incorrectly medicated, etc. The tone with many adhd communities ive found is that if a person says they relate to a single symptom, the community immediately tells them they must have ADHD. Any diagnosis of mental disorders and neurodivergency requires multiple symptoms occurring with enough frequency wherein it impacts the subject's capability to function. Circling back around to my point about misinformation and exaggerations being shared by accounts, id like to add that this tweet was from a verified account with almost 400k followers

5. There are in fact issues with people continuing to stick to an outdated diagnosis online, the least of which is perpetuating misinformation in online adhd communities and the worst of it is the person themself getting incorrect treatment. Imagine if I was diagnosed with manic depression, and then when that diagnosis was changed in the dsm-5 to bipolar i continued to just say i had manic depression. there are a ton of negative outcomes for both me and other people, ESPECIALLY if i am using that term when participating in bipolar communities.

6. Caffeine is a stimulant. when processed in the body it manifests in short bursts of energy (as compared to, say, fibre, which gives a much steadier and sustainable output of energy). this means that after this burst of energy is over, you get tired, especially when you aren't getting enough sleep. This is not "very much an adhd thing". This is literally just how the human body processes caffeine. I get tired after drinking coffee lol. I understand that the effect of caffeine is slightly different in ADHD - i know what coffee therapy is. but this tweet didn't say that.

6. If you actually read what I've been saying, you would have realised i am not being hateful towards ppl with adhd. i am, again, criticising a specific SUBSECTION of the online adhd COMMUNITY, namely on twitter. and as a fellow grown adult i hope you understand that i use the concept of generalisation with the understanding that i am referring to a rather unfortunately prominent trend in this group, and not every individual member. By using generalisation i criticise a strain of thought, an attitude, and a behaviour common throughout various (often micro-influencer) figures in this subsection of the community with which i have noticed a common trend. That trend of behaviours and attitudes can, in my opinion, be harmful, as i specified previous.

7. I can post what I want.

adhd 🤝 breathing oxygen

[7d7m]

:0 (long post under cut about some past stories. i figured i needed to let this out. i posted the same thing last night and i drafted it, but i couldnt stand looking at it lying around in the drafts)

this has some incidents that involve a few people so i hope if any of those few are not comfortable w/ me sharing this, feel free to say a word 

yeah basically this will start from my secondary school

I was bullied due to misunderstandings that keep building up (but it was largely my fault bcs my gestures could be very?? Misleading) I developed a habit of lying when i was a young kid, around 4th grade or so. About homework, about injuries, about series. Anyway, it became a suuppper huge mess and i didn’t even realize it was bad 

This is directly related to my incident during secondary school. They found out i was a Huge Liar (which was true) and told me off, cursing and swearing and stuff. Took me a while to understand what was going on tbh. And then other rumors start circling around? Me being “fake” bcs i always tried to help ppl w/ things, me being “anti-social” bcs i started to talk less? things started piling up and went out of control. Only then did i try to solve the mess 

It was kind of late.. I have always been a very slow person. Those 4 years of secondary school werent very satisfactory. Though i did succeed in clearing things up, things became awkward as well. Basically those years are just me avoiding communication and contact with anyone (bcs the rumors even spread out to the whole school) the whole class still avoided me :(  This results in me becoming a VERY anxious and lacking person. especially things related to relationships? I find myself unable to engage in any deep connection. Have i said that when the whole class found out, the friends i had kind of left me? Yeahhh i never got a chance to get close to anyone 

i wasnt truly not anxious about this problem and i still tried to make friends on here. I stumbled upon somebody that made a lot of effort to be friends with me. i was happy! really. i couldnt ask for more from them, i think that was the first time i actually got close to anyone? (I was a 9th grader then, about to take an entrance exam for high school) 

and things happened and we kind of drifted apart. I left them a little while bcs i needed to prepare for the exam. I think i shouldnt have expected them to stay and wait? anyway it was kind of fleeting. I was sad, i made attempts to strike up convos but they seemed to be not interested. Something along the line “you left for too long so it’s not exciting anymore you know?” Or at least thats what i remember 

Moving onnn! I found myself unable to actually like anyone afterwards. Now that i have more friends bcs i made some progress, i cannot say “i love you” genuinely anymore to anyone (except for my parents and my teachers whom i love and adore) I guess i developed some kind of judgmental and hostile views towards my peers and im so sorry?? i became extremely insecure, anxious, numb and emotionless and im so sorry. Sorry for not being able to love my friends genuinely like they would expect me to. 

 i cannot afford to say empty “i love you” or “i like you” . im so sick of lying and it only disgusts me when i tell people empty words. im genuinely sorry that i, no matter what i do, am still too lacking compared to my peers. At a lot of times, i cannot say that i will miss my friends when they leave. This makes me so extremely pathetic. I am still not able to engage in deep relationships. I am still not able to enjoy the fun of deep connections. I can only truly like it the most when i am alone, or with my family members and im extremely sorry that i cannot, once again, fully enjoy my friends’ companion because im an anxious, miserable mess who still incapable of finding the fun because im too busy calculating my next sentence, my next word, im afraid of making mistakes because i have made too many, enough to scare me off. to the point that i need to remind myself of the theoretical benefits of making friends every single day. I worry that i will forget them and cut you all off 

Im so sorry for the people who care about me. Chances are high that i care about you too but its not out of love. Its out of my mechanical appreciation and thinking. I left my heart somewhere and im trying hard to find it again

[sunsetsover]

Just wanna say I appreciate your thoughts on Callum and Ben and the way you add some much needed nuance to the takes.

Especially right now when a lot of stans are suddenly out for Ben's neck over the recent storyline and ignoring all the factors co tributing to how he acts - I think a lot of stans have decided that now Callum has been given the PTSD diagnosis they all begged for, anything that gets in the way of that aka Ben also struggling isn't acceptable. I actually saw someone say st like "this is Callum's story, not Ben's. Callum's mental illness, not Ben's" which yeah but also 🤢 bc it's the way they're acting like only one of them can struggle at a time? Idk it's a very uncomfortable attitude of Callum Having PTSD that comes off like jealous and possessive towards any other character that threatens that? Like Ben having a mh condition takes away from Callum's? And that's being displayed in anger and everyone turning against Ben rn bc he's stepping on Callums big PTSD moment with his unnamed trauma and criminal actions that they can dismiss as selfishness and cruelty??

omg i appreciate you for taking the time to actually listen to me lmao sometimes i do be feeling like im talking to wall but w all these anons i've got recently i'm glad i'm at least causing some ppl to think twice or reevaluate things u know !!!

ur so right tho like everyone just seems to view everything as black and white and when even i, a Known Borderline, can spot how bad it is then you KNOW it's bad. like of COURSE callum's sl is his and it's about him etc but that also doesn't negate everything else that's going on... like that's how it is in life u know..... just bc you're suffering doesn't mean other people aren't also suffering.... and at the same time it helps NO ONE to compare or make it into some kind of competition ?? like just bc im having a rough time doesn't magically mean other ppl in my life aren't also having a rough time u know ??

and i don't even get the whole 'what ben's doing is taking away from callum's Moment' thing bc a) this sl has only just started b) ptsd isn't just a Moment... it's a constant thing... rn he's having a bad relapse yh but it's not like his ptsd is magically gonna Disappear next week lmfao c) the focus HAS been on callum he majority of the time so like ??? and d) even if u take ben's issues out of it ANYONE would find the situation difficult knowing callum is lying to him again after he just admitted to lying for months and he's acting weird (bc he doesn't know abt his ptsd !!) and there's an engagement ring in his bag and he keeps sneaking around w whit like the situation is SUS idc what anyone says sorry !!! if you say you wouldn't be confused and mad and a little sus if u were in ben's position i literally don't believe you im sorry

idk at the end of the day i just think ppl need to stop revolving everything around their relationship and instead look at the bigger picture bc literally nothing anyone's done atp has been wrong ppl just want ben and callum to be the Perfect Couple so bad that they actually get mad at the characters when they do something that they think goes against that

💞💞💞