#especially taking the fact that it could be made with magic into account

[hows-itgoagain]

i know i haven’t talked about it much but i have that hc for dot that he’s blind in his right eye (and am writing a fic about that but the amount of fandom things i’ve started and have yet to finish is APPALLING so don’t expect anything soon at all) and then i saw this reel…….

my idea with this hc is just that it’s like. blind but still there he has no reason to do anything with the eye but something like this would be fucking RAD.

it doesn’t necessarily have to be a light, so if anyone has any suggestions for dot’s eye, i would actually love that ‼️‼️ if i find an idea i really like or find really fitting, i most likely will include it in my fic (and just my general hc as well)

[mochinomnoms]

Silly JadeYuu idea but!!

I've seen it so often in fanfics where Jade can dig up info on literally anyone in the school, so he decides to get his hands on any and all information on The Prefect as he can.

Except, there really isn't a lot to dig up on The Prefect, is there? Don't get him wrong, Jade loves a challenge but it seems like he forgot that Yuu didn't even exist in Twisted Wonderland before September, there is no digital footprint to doomscroll through, no hometown he can research and become an over night expert on. Crowly doesn't even have your birthdate recorded on file!!

All Jade has to go of off learning anything he can about Yuu is your besties Adeuce and Grim (awful, he'd die before he let's himself owe Ace Trappola a favour) or ask you all about yourself which...sounds almost too easy to work, right?

Or something 💦

Aaaaa it's such a predicament for him! At first, he didn't really need to gather too much information on you, but now that he's interested and needs to know you inside and out, the weirdly limited amount of information about you is concerning....

this can take place in the later chapters of ptm when you are starting to pine back for jade~

tags: @ghousus

Jade had meant an unfortunate roadblock. Which was rare for him, especially when it came to intel.

It only took him but a few days to compile the intel on his dorm's freshmen for Azul, he even managed to find students' secret social media accounts.

Yet you were simultaneously NRC's worst and best kept secret.

He's positive that Crowley had intended to keep your transdimensional status a secret to but himself and the staff, yet it became increasingly obvious as the last school year progressed that you were not from this world.

If the lack of basic magical knowledge for didn't tip someone off, the gap in basic history facts and the random things you spewed out did.

"WHY IS THE CAT'S EARS ON FIRE? AND BLUE?" "Is that, like, your actual ears and tail or?" "Wait, so you're not an elf? Isn't that the same thing as a fae?" "Oh yeah we have a story about a kid and a beanstalk too! No guns on school grounds though, too many school shootings." "HOLY FUCK WHY DO YOU HAVE SCALES?" "I'm not making it up, people back home go to space, we have flags on the moon! You mean to tell me you guys didn't have a space race or something? ...What do you mean what's the point!? IT'S THE MOON!"

No one could really fault you for your cluelessness, thought Jade found it quite cute.

Unfortunately, that made it difficult to find information on you, especially back when Azul task him with finding dirt on you to get Ramshackle.

"I'm sorry to say Azul, but there is no information on Ramshackle's prefect prior to their attendance here. Not even evidence of their birth." "Well look harder! It's not like they popped out of nowhere! I need that dorm Jade, so do your job and find me something I can work with!"

After Azul's...outburst shall he say, and their discovery that the Prefect did actually pop out of nowhere, Jade has held it over his head quite smugly.

He wasn't so smug anymore, though, not when he was so invested in getting your heart and keeping it all to himself. Hard to do when there was little to no information about you.

Here's what Jade did know:

You liked dancing, though you weren't particularly good at it. Same with singing.

Silver had taken to teaching you how to use a sword, and you were quite good at it.

You tend to split your meals with Grim, even when offered your own plate.

Sam's soda that Azul had acquired last year was your favorite drink. You also liked the milkshakes at the lounge, though you rarely got them.

You scare easily and are near incapable of scaring someone else.

You were reckless when it came to your friends, to the point that you've nearly died about 9 times since arriving to their world.

And, of course, there were the little things that Jade noticed. Like the way the color in your eyes brightened in the sun.

Or the way you picked at your nails when nervous.

And the way you purse your lips when you get confused.

Oh! He thought the way you chewed on your pen was awfully cute.

Ah, the way you looked at him sometimes with an embarrassed look was something he's come to memorize. He's memorized many of your various facial expressions...like the one you made when you caught him staring at you. Despite his best efforts.

It's like you knew he was thinking about you...

He also knew that you liked to hide your smile and laughter when either got too big, big enough to show your teeth and gums. Big enough to make you snort and cackle like a witch from one of those human children shows someone showed him once. He knew your laugh like the beat of his heart.

Jade knew a lot, and yet nothing at all about you. What was your family like? Friends back home? What did you study? What were you wanting to be? Did you have a pet? A partner?

Don't worry about the last question! He's just a bit curious about the company you keep is all.

In any case, your little group of friends throwing you your birthday party was the perfect excuse for him to delve into your personal life with a plausible excuse.

"I thought Grim would be doing the interview questions for them? It's all we're letting him do so we can throw the Prefect a decent party this time."

Most people remembered the 'party' that the group of five then freshmen tried throwing you. It was hastily put together, no white suit as traditionally provided for a first year's birthdays, and the cake was a pile of tuna cans that Grim placed several small candles on top of. Which promptly fell over, caught a window drape on fire, and nearly brought the whole of Ramshackle into a blaze.

It also wasn't your birthday at that time. (That at least is a piece of information he could get his hands on.)

Now Ortho was involved, and Jade wasn't positive if that decrease or increased the potential fire hazard.

"Last year he did, yes. However, since the new freshman have been taking residence in Ramshackle, they've taken over the yearbook duties."

Usually, Jade would be able to gather his intel with little to no help from others, especially considering most of the school logged their activities on their social medias by the minute. Plus, his father's “questionable” career provided him with ample access to private investigators and databases.

But when it came to you? He didn't have much of a choice other than to depend on others. How troublesome.

"Aspen offered to take over the interview along with his other party tasks, but the poor thing has been struggling to juggle all his duties at Ramshackle and in Octavinelle."

Lies. Aspen was doing perfectly well, but when Aspen complained rather loudly in the Mostro Lounge kitchen about having to do the interview, Jade was more than happy to offer to take all the tasks from him. No future payment or favor required.

Aspen, with pink cheeks and hearts in his eyes, was more than happy to hand all of his tasks over to Jade with little thought.

"Oh, I guess then…" Deuce looked back at Ace in the kitchen with Trey on a video call. Saying that he was attempting to make a cake would be generous.

"…You know what, it's fine. We got a lot going on here. But, uh, when you're asking the Prefect about their ideal party, the sort of presents they like, and the usual stuff, try to be discreet. It's supposed to be a surprise!"

Jade raised a brow in amusement. "Really? How did you manage to get them fitted for their birthday jacket? I imagine that would be hard to keep a surprise."

Ace turned around, cradling a bowl in one arm and waving a wooden spoon. Jade is positive he could hear Trey cry out at him to not wave the batter around.

"Epel told them that Vil wanted them to come by to that film festival we when to last year, and needed to measure them for it."

The ginger flinched at Trey's voice chastising him through the phone.

"Hey! You asked for my help now pay attention before you drop the entire bowl and have to start over!"

"Okay! Okay! Jeez, you're almost as bad as Riddle when it comes to baking…" Ace grumbled, scrunching his nose like a child being scolded by his parents.

Jade withheld an amused snort at the thought, turning back around to Deuce to give him a polite nod and smile.

"Well then, it seems that you both have your work cut out for you. I'll leave you to it then."

Turning to leave, Jade ignored Deuce 'whispering' to Ace.

"Are we sure he should be asking them all these questions? You know how they'll probably get…"

Their voices faded out as he left Heartslabyul's kitchen, out the lounge, and to the entrance. He had previously been joined by Floyd, but his brother took off to find his favorite person entertainment.

Based on the rising voice of Riddle somewhere off in the rose maze, Floyd was successful.

Now, it was his turn to find his own favorite person.

You weren't hard to find, just follow the loud direbeast's noises, and you were bound to be there. It also helped that Jade had memorized your weekly schedule.

They should be finishing up their flight class soon, so I'll check the fields first.

It wasn't a particular trek, but it was a bit a walk from the Hall of Mirrors. Though, with how vast the campus was, it was expected.

Maybe he can stop at Sam's to grab a nice cold water to offer you. After all, he needs to demonstrate just how caring and dependable he is for you, and he'll start digging his place in to your heart!

Though, it seems that you were ahead of schedule, currently making your way to Ramshackle. Limping, even.

Oh dear, did you get hurt my pearl! I hope you're alright.

Like always, you seemed to sense him before he could even process your presence.

Those pretty, mesmerizing eyes widened, blinking at him with a piercing stare.

"Jade, hey, what are you doing here?"

Jade had to keep himself from running towards you like he wanted, instead taking a leisurely pace as you jogged towards him.

"Hello Prefect," My darling pearl~ "What a coincidence, I was just on my way to see you."

You gave him a knowing smile, eyes squinting as you did.

"Birthday, right?"

"Oh? And here I thought it was a secret~"

You snorted, covering your mouth to cover your grin. Cute.

"I have my...ways!" You looked to the side, pursing your lips before looking back at him. "But I'm guessing you got wrapped up in helping somehow?"

Again, that look, like you already knew the answer to your own question.

"Yes, I offered to help get a list of important party preferences for your friends. I do believe Deuce in particular is worried about your gift preferences."

Personally, I think the sea glass ring I had commissioned is going to be your favorite. But I'd rather exchange the gift privately, more intimately...cherish your reaction.

The thought of you, looking at him completely dazzled and struck by his confession was a fond thought. To finally make you his and his alone would be a dream. He just needed to know your idea date, which is what this little mission of his could help with.

"You know Jade, you don't have to find an excuse to find things out about me." Jade blinked, feeling himself warm up under your gaze.

How do you always...

"Oh?" Jade chuckled, hiding his smile behind a fist. "Did I give off that impression? I'm simply providing my assistance to those in need."

You rolled your eyes, pausing as you made eye contact with him and looked at your feet in embarrassment.

"No you don't—I mean not intentionally—I can just tell..." Jade let his smile soften into something more fond as he watched you stumble over your words.

"It's alright, I am always curious." And you just happen to be a strong topic of interest. "There is very little known about you, are you aware that you didn't have a student file up until a few months ago?"

Squinting your eyes at him in suspicion, you poked an accusatory finger into his chest.

"And why do you know that? I thought Azul didn't need you to dig up dirt on anyone since last fall."

Placing a hand on his chest, Jade pouted. "That's rather harsh little pearl, I prefer the term 'conducting research', it sounds much nicer. Besides..."

Jade couldn't help but give you a smug smirk, curling his finger for you to come closer. Hesitating, you leaned in on your tiptoes as he leaned down. His gray strand brushed against your cheek as he heard you take in a sudden breath.

In a soft, low, almost heady voice, he whispered, "...you're just something I'm particularly interested in. I want to know you inside and out~"

Oh, how he delighted in seeing you fumble back and clasp your hands together in a fluster. Though, from the heat in his cheeks, he's probably no better off right now.

Covering your lower face in your hand, Jade could just barely make out your muttering.

"When did you get so direct..."

As quickly as he got that sweet reaction, you straightened up and smiled at him.

"Well, as long as your helping the others, I can give you my free time." You gestured for Jade to follow you to your dorm, swinging your arms as you walked.

Before you even made a few feet, you stopped and turned back to Jade with a shy expression.

"Um...but you don't need an excuse to go out or anything like that." Jade felt an electric shock fly up his spine as you gingerly reached for his right hand.

Your thumb rubbed over his hand in a tender gesture, like you were trying relax him as the tingling sensations and the rapid beating of his heart increased.

"I'd like to be with—or, I mean, be around you more." You looked like you were burning up with embarrassment, while he rejoiced internally.

YES YES YES! I want to be with you! I want you, let me have you! You will won't you?

"...Of course, I'd like that too." Jade brought the hand holding his up to his lips, barely brushing the skin with a kiss. "I'm more than happy to indulge my whims, why not take advantage of you offering?"

You both made eye contact, staring into each other as if waiting for the other to make a move.

Gods, I love you...

It didn't take long for you to jerk your hand back, looking up at him with a like he just confessed his love and offered his soul to you.

He didn't say that out loud...right?

"Um, let's head to Ramshackle to talk." You turned back around and started quickly walking, leaving Jade to catch up to you, though with his legs it wasn't hard. "I wanna get out of my uniform..."

I could help with that~

"I'll just change into something really baggy! Nice and comfy!" You let out a nervous laugh as you continued walking.

Makes for easier access~

He wasn't sure what was in your way, but somehow you managed to trip over air and smack into the ground.

[saintsenara]

How do you think memory charms work from a brain science perspective, and what might the implications of such technology be? Given the complexities of memory—how it works, its function (e.g., in identity formation, decision making, psychological well-being, etc.)—the fact that these spells are so routinely used on Muggles who witness magic—especially under traumatic circumstances—is so sinister…

thank you very much for the ask, pal! a very interesting question to think about!

as you say, memory is the central part of human experience. it's integral to who we are, why we understand ourselves to be that way, and how we function daily. without the ability to remember things we've learned or which have happened to us in the past, we don't have the ability to understand the present or plan for the future, or apply context to why we behave in or feel certain ways. memory is so important to our understanding of our own existence that many people would say losing it is the thing they fear most...

and i think there's a very credible case for jkr being one of them.

in its understanding of the body, the harry potter series prioritises cognitive function above all things.

physical illnesses, injuries, or disabilities don't upset or frighten it unduly. this is partially because its genre conventions need to take this approach to physical impairment in order for their plots to advance - harry being able to take a bludger to the head and live to tell the tale is the same as john wick being able to fall from the top of a six-storey building, get up, and keep going: they're action heroes, and the person following their exploits wants that action to continue.

but it's also because the series' central theme is choice - and, specifically, the choice between good and evil. this choice - as the books understand it - is something freely and rationally made, with no cognitive impairment preventing it.

[hence - as i've written about elsewhere - voldemort's horcruxes do not - despite common fanon - make him insane.]

as a result, injuries, disabilities, or experiences which lead to a loss of cognitive capacity - thereby making it impossible for choices to be freely made - are presented by the text as uniquely horrifying.

the revelation that frank and alice longbottom can't recognise neville after they're attacked by the lestranges brings a "bitterness harry had never heard there before" into dumbledore's voice.

lupin is primarily ashamed of the loss of rational thought his transformations bring, and the wolfsbane potion works by preventing this loss of rationality:

"As long as I take it in the week preceding the full moon, I keep my mind when I transform... I am able to curl up in my office, a harmless wolf, and wait for the moon to wane again. "Before the Wolfsbane Potion was discovered, however, I became a fully fledged monster once a month."

harry thinks that "bathilda bagshot" [really nagini in disguise] is starting to forget how to perform magic, and equates this loss of function with the dark, dank, foul-smelling house in which she lives.

ariana dumbledore's trauma-induced cognitive disability gradually ruins her family's lives.

harry, our hero, is never, ever affected by the imperius curse.

and, of course, the dementor's kiss - which canon understands as the single most frightening thing which could ever befall somebody - brings about a state where bodily functions continue, but cognitive ones are lost:

"You can exist without your soul, you know, as long as your brain and heart are still working. But you'll have no sense of self anymore, no memory, no... anything. There's no chance at all of recovery. You'll just - exist. As an empty shell. And your soul is gone forever... lost."

as a result of this, canon presents memories as things which are straightforward and factual. while they may be interpreted subjectively - harry's horror at snape's worst memory, for example - they are - in and of themselves - objective accounts of events. the memories which harry views in the pensieve, for example, are not "witness statements" - subjective, personal accounts of how an individual experienced an event, which might be contradicted by another person's own subjective recollection - they are fact. what they say happened actually happened. sirius' version of snape's worst memory would be identical to snape's.

and canon understands that memories are - therefore - devoid of things like perception, assumption, imagination, habit, and emotion. indeed, these things are not only irrelevant to the memory... they are detrimental to it.

slughorn's attempt to modify his memory of telling tom riddle about horcruxes is because he wishes to soothe an emotion - shame, at giving riddle the information he needed to commit such evil and then not telling anyone - by presenting an imagined version of events in which he looks better. his attempt to apply these two things to the memory are what curdles it. what dumbledore is asking harry to do, in sending him out to retrieve the unmodified memory from slughorn, is to acquire the objective facts:

"He has tried to rework the memory to show himself in a better light, obliterating those parts which he does not wish me to see. It is, as you will have noticed, very crudely done, and that is all to the good, for it shows that the true memory is still there beneath the alterations."

in saying that slughorn's "true memory" remains accessible, what dumbledore is saying is that slughorn should be judged as having full cognitive capacity. he's compos mentis, he's of sound mind. if the true memory did not remain - if slughorn had managed to corrupt his memory to such an extent that he genuinely believed that his conversation with riddle had never occurred [rather than knowing it did but wishing he'd behaved differently and therefore pretending he had] - then he would, in the eyes of the series, be insane.

now... this - unsurprisingly - is not how human memory actually works. memory is fragile, inconsistent, and subjective. we forget things. we misremember things. we remember things through subjective lenses. we invent false memories.

but we can - nonetheless - use what we know about human memory to uncover a wizarding theory of memory formation which would explain why they think this way.

and why they feel so comfortable tampering with people's memories.

[and why this is horrifying.]

what are memories?

in canon, memories are presented as something tangible - wisps of silvery liquid. and memories actually are physical things - albeit absolutely microscopic ones - which take up physical space in the brain. they're just kept out of the way of our conscious awareness until we need them.

[basically, they're christmas lights in a box in the attic. they physically exist and they're physically present in the house, but they sit - turned off and with no attention being paid to them - until they're needed, when they're brought out of storage and switched on.]

they are made - like almost everything to do with the brain - from neurons, which are a type of cell. neurons work like the wires in a telephone exchange - they transmit chemical and electrical signals across the brain [and, therefore, across the body] in a vast, high-speed, interwoven network:

a digital model of the neural network from a sesame-seed-sized fragment of human brain. there are about 50,000 connections shown. [source]

a neuron receives a signal, which it then interprets. it then sends a response [or action potential] along its stem [axon].

at the end of the axon, there are synapses, which form a bridge to other neurons, linking a chain of communication together.

synapses are generally activated by chemicals called neurotransmitters - such as serotonin, melatonin, adrenaline, dopamine [which are likely to be the ones most people have heard of], and others.

so: neuron x receives a signal, interprets it, and transmits that interpretation as an electrical signal along its axon, causing the release of adrenaline into the synapse linking it to neuron y. this activates the connection between neurons x and y. the signal passes across the synapse into neuron y, which interprets it, and the process continues.

each neuron has thousands of synaptic connections to other neurons. and these connections aren't static - they get stronger or weaker depending on exposure. the more we use the connection, the stronger the connection is.

one way to think of this is to imagine the synaptic connection as a volume dial, which controls how loudly two neurons "talk" to each other. if the connection between neuron x and neuron y is very strong, the synaptic connection allows them to shout at each other, thereby understanding each other clearly. if the connection between neuron x and neuron y is very weak, they're only whispering to each other, are having to strain to hear each other, and will probably only partially hear the communicated information.

the brain will therefore prioritise the information it can "hear" the clearest. this is why, if you learn two pieces of information, and then revise the first piece of information every day for a month and do no revision of the second piece, you will find it much easier to recall the first piece when asked - the brain prioritises the "loudest" voice.

when we learn or experience something we create synaptic connections, linking neurons into circuits in an ever-changing map across the brain.

these circuits are memories.

remembering something is the process of activating a specific neuron cluster, thereby retrieving the information it contains and communicating it as an electrical signal to another part of the brain.

this process of remembering can be unconscious - a smell might prompt us to remember something without us actively intending to; when we write something, we're not consciously thinking about how we learned to write, we just do it - or conscious - we might sniff a particular perfume bottle in order to summon up a specific memory; we might intentionally decide to remember a day we spent writing in a particular place.

what are the different types of memory?

there are two main categories of memory - short-term and long-term.

short-term memory is the brain's capacity to actively hold onto a small amount of information [about four things, on average] for a brief period of time [and by brief we mean around 15 seconds - any memory which can be recalled after that period of time is a long-term one] in order to allow you to do things, like take down a telephone number.

long-term memory, in contrast, is something the brain possesses an infinite capacity for. it can be divided into two subcategories.

the first of these is implicit memory. this refers to recollections which are unconscious, habitual, primed, or conditioned. learned motor skills - things like holding a pen or riding a bike - which you can do without having to think about how [procedural memories] are an example of implicit memories. so are things we are conditioned to do via the association of an action with a stimulus - like pavlov's dogs salivating when they heard the ringing of the bell - and things we are primed to do by general knowledge or contextual experience - like being shown the word "bread" in a word association game and responding "butter" without having to actively think about why that connection exists for us.

the second is explicit memory, which refers to the conscious recollection of a specific thing. explicit memory has two subcategories: episodic memory - the recollection of events or experiences - and semantic memory - the recollection of knowledge or information.

i know that belfast is the capital of northern ireland and paris is the capital of france. these are semantic memories.

i know i went to a restaurant in belfast with my partner last week and that i went to watch the french open in paris with my friend this spring. these are episodic ones.

episodic memory is highly dependent on context and association - you can remember where you parked your car by thinking about the shop you parked next to - some of which is semantic memory in its own right - you can tell that your friend has misremembered a story they're telling about your teenage years because you know you were sixteen when the event took place, your friend is talking about driving, and you possess the semantic knowledge that the legal driving age in the united kingdom is seventeen.

explicit memory is the aspect of memory most clearly affected by conditions like alzheimer's disease, while implicit memories tend to be recalled for much longer.

explicit memory is also the thing most clearly affected in canon by memory charms...

how are explicit memories formed?

at its most basic level, the brain is divided into three parts - the cerebrum, brainstem, and cerebellum. the cerebrum is the thing we’re concerned with today.

its main part - comprising about half of the brain’s weight - is the cortex, which is the wrinkly surface you probably picture when you hear the word “brain”. the cerebral cortex is divided into two hemispheres. each hemisphere has four lobes [so you have eight lobes in total] which relate to specific functions.

[here's a video of a dissection of a real human brain - if you fancy it - which goes into its anatomy in more detail]

nestled in each hemisphere of the cerebrum are several deeper structures.

in the temporal lobe, we find two of these structures - the hippocampus and the amygdala - which are crucial to memory formation. we have one of these in each hemisphere [so two hippocampi and two amygdalae in total] as part of our limbic system - a group of brain structures that regulate things like our sense of smell, emotions, memories, and autonomic behaviours [heart rate, breathing, sweating, etc.].

[here's a dissection of the limbic system, again - fair warning! - using a real human brain]

the hippocampus

when our brain decides it wants to hold onto a piece of information, it's channelled from the prefrontal cortex [in the frontal lobe], which controls short-term memory functions, to the hippocampus, which is then responsible for linking all of the relevant context surrounding the information together - like it's making a patchwork quilt.

let's go back to the example of being asked to take down a phone number. and let's imagine that the person who asks us to take down the phone number is also our fandom-style soulmate. several pieces of information will be created in the brain at once - the memory of being asked to take down the number, the memory of physically doing that, the sensory input of what our soulmate looks, sounds, and smells like, other sensory inputs [what the broader environment looks, sounds, and smells like; the fact we're drinking a coffee; the fact we're wearing a scratchy jumper], the emotion of knowing we've met our soulmate - which are then sewn together by the hippocampus into a coherent, linear account of what occurred.

the hippocampus is selective - it's more likely, even in an episodic memory as emotionally powerful as this one would be, to hold onto information which is comprehensible to it [so, for example, if a song is playing when you meet your soulmate, but its lyrics are in a language you don't understand, it's less likely to retain that as a key part of its account than if it's a song you understand and, especially, a song you already know and like].

it's also inventive - it will fill in gaps in the recollection of an episode. these inventions are often logical and based on both your semantic knowledge and parts of your implicit memory. for example, in the memory of being a child and going to hospital to meet your new baby brother, he is likely to be wearing a blue hat. it is highly unlikely that you actually remember the colour of the hat he was wearing - especially if you were quite young - but your brain settles on blue to fill that gap in your recollection because it knows you were raised in a culture which associates the colour blue with baby boys.

but they're also subjective. you may, for example, have more than one memory of the same event - with each memory's patchwork quilt having a slightly different pattern. to go back to the memory of meeting your soulmate, you might have one version of the memory which was stored by your brain on the day you first met, in which the thing you primarily remember is how nervous and awkward you were and how you were worried your soulmate didn't actually like you. you might then have a second version of the memory which is altered by contextual information you learned after the first version was created - after your soulmate asks you to marry them, for example, you are less likely to dwell on the parts of the first memory which are about worrying they didn't like you.

while the hippocampus is integral for the formation of long-term explicit and implicit memories, it's not the place where these long-term memories are permanently stored. instead, long-term memories appear to migrate [or awaken] from the hippocampus throughout the cerebral cortex, and to become progressively more independent of it over time. when it comes to explicit memories, the older, stronger, or deeper a memory is the more likely its independence from the hippocampus will be.

we know this because of a man called henry molaison, who had most of his hippocampus surgically removed in the 1950s in an effort to treat his epilepsy. following his operation, molaison was only able to form new episodic memories which lasted for less than a minute before they vanished forever from his consciousness, and essentially lived every single day as brand new, with no context surrounding it. the exception to this rule was that he could recall memories relating to significant experiences in his life which he'd formed years - and often decades - before his surgery. he could also recall certain facts - semantic memories - which he'd already known, but he couldn't form new semantic knowledge.

semantic memory also appears to become progressively independent of the hippocampus over time, much like implicit memories we have acquired through conditioning or priming. for example, the memory of the first time we drank a coffee while tired transforms into the general knowledge that drinking coffee generally helps us with tiredness, bolstered by the semantic knowledge that caffeine is a stimulant.

the amygdala

in the analogy of memory formation as being like creating a patchwork quilt, the amygdala is responsible for one of the most important squares the hippocampus sews together: the emotional significance of the memory.

this is one of the most important bits of context which the hippocampus applies to its account of a memory. the more emotive a memory is, the more likely it is to be remembered.

and this isn't just the case when it comes to specific episodic memories - such as remembering your wedding day, or the time you were in a car accident. it applies to semantic memory - if i tell you that paris is the capital of france and then punch you in the face, you'll remember it - and to implicit conditioned and primed memories.

imagine you are three years old, you're in the park, and you meet a dog. the dog is on a lead, calm, quiet, and well trained. you are asked if you'd like to pet it and you say yes. the dog is happy to be petted - it wags its tail and it licks your hand - and you enjoy the experience and start laughing.

the hippocampus takes care of the "bullet points" of this event - the actions and the order in which they occurred, where they took place, and so on. the amygdala assigns an emotional response to the specific episodic memory - that is, when you recall it later, you will feel happy - and to the implicit memory you have accrued from the experience - that is, the next time you see a dog, even if it's not the dog you petted, your brain will be automatically primed to feel calm, safe, and happy.

and now imagine you are three years old, you're in the park, and you meet a dog. the dog is loose, agitated, barking, and much bigger than you. it bounds up to you while you're playing and knocks you to the ground. it growls and you see its teeth. you're afraid and start crying.

the same process occurs, but with a fear response. the hippocampus remembers what happened and in what order, the amygdala remembers how the specific memory made you feel and extrapolates from this to assign that feeling to your implicit memory. the next time you see a dog, even if the dog is on a lead and behaving perfectly calmly, your brain will be automatically primed to feel afraid.

and this reference to fear is important. as i've said, the brain prioritises remembering emotional memories… but it prioritises remembering stressful and/or frightening emotional memories above all other kinds. and it also tends to really cling on to things we have acquired by fear learning - the process by which we unconsciously associate a stimulus with a frightening event.

to return to the scenario above, if you met the nice dog first and then met the frightening dog later, your brain would prioritise the memory of the frightening dog. if you met the frightening dog first and then met the nice dog later, your brain would still prioritise the memory of the frightening dog. and even if you lose the ability to recall the specific episodic memory of meeting the specific frightening dog, your brain would still remember that it was afraid of dogs in general.

the amygdala plays a major role in this fear learning and fear-based recall. and it does this via channels of communication which don't need to involve the hippocampus - it communicates bi-directionally with the cerebral cortex, both with and without the hippocampus also being part of the conversation.

and this has an enormous implication for our wizarding theory of memory.

and so - at last - we come to...

the neuroscience of memory charms

we know from canon that memory charms focus on the removal of explicit memories - and, specifically, the explicit episodic memories which the series understands as objective snapshots of events.

we also know that short-term memory and implicit memory can experience collateral damage when the explicit memory is removed - especially if the charm is performed poorly. we learn in order of the phoenix, for example, that gilderoy lockhart lost the ability to write [an implicit procedural memory] after his charm backfired, and has had to undergo something akin to physical therapy [the way someone who'd received a head injury would] in order to regain this motor skill:

"I'm very well indeed, thank you!" said Lockhart exuberantly, pulling a rather battered peacock-feather quill from his pocket. "Now, how many autographs would you like? I can do joined-up writing now, you know!"

we also know that the recovery of an implicit behaviour - his fondness for signing autographs, a response based in an unconscious assumption he makes whenever he meets anyone [that they're a fan] - is taken by his healers as a sign that his self-perception is stabilising:

"He was rather well known a few years ago; we very much hope that this liking for giving autographs is a sign that his memory might be coming back a little bit... This is our long-term resident ward... For permanent spell damage, you know. Of course, with intensive remedial potions and charms and a bit of luck, we can produce some improvement... Gilderoy does seem to be getting back some sense of himself."

crucially, we see here no expectation that any specific memories - episodic memories, canon's factual accounts which prove someone to be of sound mind - will return. what the healer means by "his memory might be coming back a little bit" is something general. a memory charm - as the text understands it - affects something discrete.

but lockhart also shows us that the specific episodic memory impacted by a charm isn't deleted from the brain. it remains in storage - and, therefore, retains the potential to be reactivated.

and he also shows us that this potential reactivation is very likely to depend on an emotional stimulus, especially a negative one:

The smile faded slowly from Lockhart’s face. For a few moments he gazed intently at Harry, then he said, "Haven't we met?" "Er... yeah, we have," said Harry. "You used to teach us at Hogwarts, remember?" "Teach?" repeated Lockhart, looking faintly unsettled. "Me? Did I?"   And then the smile reappeared upon his face so suddenly it was rather alarming. "Taught you everything you know, I expect, did I? Well, how about those autographs, then? Shall we say a round dozen, you can give them to all your little friends then and nobody will be left out!"

lockhart clearly associates a stimulus - something to do with harry - with a fear response [probably from being frogmarched at wandpoint and forced to jump into a hole]. this emotional context calls out to an episodic memory it has been severed from, but can't get there and falls silent again, drowned out by the louder activity of the implicit memory, telling lockhart to talk about autographs because these are fans.

so lockhart hasn't lost this specific episodic memory - he just can't access it. from this, we can conclude that memory charms block communication across synaptic connections, thereby preventing a memory from being retrieved.

and we can also conclude that - since wizards regard episodic memories as objective, factual accounts of events, which are unaffected by things like perception, assumption, imagination, habit, and emotion - they only understand the formation of these memories as they happen in the hippocampus. and, specifically, that they understand memory formation only as the hippocampus ordering events into a coherent, linear account - which they regard as objectively correct. we can further conclude that they do not understand anything other than this ordering of events as forming part of the episodic memory process, and, therefore, that they do not understand memory charms as needing to affect anything other than these "factual" snapshots.

which means that a memory charm will block the retrieval of the "bullet points" of an episodic memory from the hippocampus - and, therefore, someone whose memory has been modified won't remember the specific order of events surrounding the memory.

but it won't block the other bits of information - other patches of the quilt of the memory - from being retrieved. it will just remove them from their context.

and - right on the canon page - we learn that this failure to remove anything other than the bullet points, even in memory charms which are accurately and skilfully performed, makes the experience of having a modified memory profoundly disorienting to the person affected.

we see this - for example - in the case of morfin gaunt:

"So the Ministry called upon Morfin. They did not need to question him, to use Veritaserum or Legilimency. He admitted to the murder on the spot, giving details only the murderer could know. He was proud, he said, to have killed the Muggles, had been awaiting his chance all these years. He handed over his wand, which was proved at once to have been used to kill the Riddles. And he permitted himself to be led off to Azkaban without a fight. All that disturbed him was the fact that his father's ring had disappeared. 'He'll kill me for losing it,' he told his captors over and over again. 'He'll kill me for losing his ring.' And that, apparently, was all he ever said again. He lived out the remainder of his life in Azkaban, lamenting the loss of Marvolo's last heirloom, and is buried beside the prison, alongside the other poor souls who have expired within its walls."

morfin's verbal tic is a manifestation of a emotional response which now lacks any other context - the fear caused by his nephew visiting him, on the day the riddles were murdered, and incapacitating him [in a way which would allow him to steal his wand] just before the crime took place. in repeating it, what he's saying is "i know i didn't do this, even though i confessed, but i can't explain how i know this, and i am afraid".

and we know that dumbledore is able to use this emotional clue as the end of a line of string, which he can then follow back across deactivated synaptic connections to the suppressed [and, in canon's view, objective] episodic memory of tom riddle meeting his uncle:

"But he had this real memory in him all the time!"   "Yes, but it took a great deal of skilled Legilimency to coax it out of him," said Dumbledore, "and why should anybody delve further into Morfin's mind when he had already confessed to the crime? However, I was able to secure a visit to Morfin in the last weeks of his life, by which time I was attempting to discover as much as I could about Voldemort's past. I extracted this memory with difficulty. When I saw what it contained, I attempted to use it to secure Morfin's release from Azkaban. Before the Ministry reached their decision, however, Morfin had died."

we see something similar in voldemort's treatment of bertha jorkins:

"But Wormtail - displaying a presence of mind I would never have expected from him - convinced Bertha Jorkins to accompany him on a nighttime stroll. He overpowered her... he brought her to me. And Bertha Jorkins, who might have ruined all, proved instead to be a gift beyond my wildest dreams... for - with a little persuasion - she became a veritable mine of information. "She told me that the Triwizard Tournament would be played at Hogwarts this year. She told me that she knew of a faithful Death Eater who would be only too willing to help me, if I could only contact him. She told me many things... but the means I used to break the Memory Charm upon her were powerful, and when I had extracted all useful information from her, her mind and body were both damaged beyond repair. She had now served her purpose. I could not possess her. I disposed of her."

something we are told about bertha jorkins across goblet of fire - including by both sirius and dumbledore, characters the doylist narrative of this book trusts to be telling the truth - is that she loved gossip. and this - feeling intrigued in, scandalised by, and excited by a piece of information - is an emotional response.

voldemort - like dumbledore - seizes on this emotional component as the end of a line of string. bertha provides him with a piece of semantic information - the triwizard tournament is to be played - which makes her think of piece of general information - she knows barty crouch sr., who is organising it - which causes an emotional response which places the string in his hand - barty crouch sr. = scandal. voldemort then follows that string across deactivated synaptic connections to the suppressed [and, in canon's view, objective] episodic memory of bertha discovering that barty crouch jr. [about whom she possessed various contextual information, such as the fact that he was found guilty of being a death eater] was alive.

ergo, memory charms block the point-by-point recollection of specific episodic memories, unless someone is determined either to do a lot of careful forensic work or to commit murder.

but they do nothing to block the additional context - above all, the emotional context - which is so important to memory formation and recollection. and this is what makes the casual use of them - especially the casual use of them on muggles - so terrifying. because their efficacy is dramatically reduced in circumstances where a memory has an emotional context.

and witnessing someone performing actual magic would undoubtedly inspire quite a strong emotional response...

the circumstances in which they work well will be those like tom riddle sr.'s run-in with morfin. the ministry response to the incident is speedy, which means the memory hasn't been consolidated for long-term storage beyond the hippocampus. the incident seems to be the first time riddle ever interacts with morfin - meaning that he doesn't retain a conditioned implicit response that morfin is frightening or dangerous. riddle talks about the gaunts in a way that suggests he thinks they're funny and ridiculous, laughs at bob ogden as he's chased from the shack, and is happy riding along the lane where he was attacked, which shows that he didn't develop a fear response to the incident [nor, indeed, any significant emotional response at all]. preventing him from recalling this memory is simple, and it has no repercussions.

[in terms of his brain health, that is. obviously, it has a major repercussion in that it removes any pre-warning he might have given himself about merope…]

but outside of this context - in which the ministry essentially gets incredibly lucky that riddle sr.'s brain reacts in the only way which actually makes them viable - memory charms are clearly nowhere near as effective as wizards seem to think.

because, when it comes to people's strongest, deepest memories, the only thing being removed is the ability to run through the summary of events - to go down a checklist of what happened, and to contextualise an emotional response [for instance] by situating it within the account of the event which triggered it. the emotions these memories provoke, and the way in which they're bound up into the knowledge which helps us understand our place in the world, remain. all that happens is that these feelings can't be situated in a point-by-point context which explains how they might have occurred.

and so, to come to the memory charm the series thinks is noble and benign... what hermione does to her parents is remove the bullet points surrounding the most important memories of their lives from their heads, leaving profound, lingering emotional responses, which respond to stimuli even though the grangers can't understand why...

when she says that they don't know they have a daughter, what she means is that they don't remember the list of events which proved that fact to be true. mrs granger doesn't remember that she took a pregnancy test which was positive, mr granger doesn't remember that he witnessed hermione being born, neither of them remember taking her to the cinema to see the little mermaid, or buying her first school shoes, or taking her to see her grandparents on her sixth birthday.

but the evidence of canon is that the emotions attached to these events - and the unconscious knowledge which emerges from them - would remain.

and this is why hermione's modification of her parents' memories is an example of the series' black-and-white, protagonist-centred morality which i absolutely loathe. not because the watsonian text isn't horrified by it [why would harry know how memory charms work] but because the doylist text handwaves it away as something easily reversed [via jkr saying that hermione immediately restored her parents' memories the second the war was over] which left no adverse effects.

because - sure - i'm not quibbling with the need to think of hermione's decision to wipe her parents' memories as necessary, but it needs to be understood as one of those horrific choices which only become necessary because the alternative is worse.

and this necessity doesn't erase the fact that what hermione does to her parents is meaningfully no different from what bellatrix and company do to the longbottoms. we see that alice longbottom retains the emotional context to a memory - she knows that she loves neville and wants to give him a present - even if she no longer remembers who he is and what his relationship is to her. the same thing will have happened to the grangers.

and so "monica wilkins" might have found herself driving down a street in suburban melbourne one december afternoon when a christmas song came on the radio… and for reasons she doesn't understand, she burst into tears… and she went home and started making dinner… and she'd adapted the recipe she was using so it didn't have any coriander in it… but she doesn't know why, because she likes coriander just fine, and so does her husband… and then "wendall" came in, and she told him about her strange experience… and he said that he turned on the tv and meet me in st louis was showing and he had to change the channel because he thought he was going to cry… and this made them both intensely uneasy… because they've got no reason to behave so strangely… so irrationally... they don't have any memories associated with that song or that film… right?

but that's because they don't remember the facts of how their only daughter - who's got the coriander-tastes-like-soap gene - only lasted two days of a family skiing trip in december 1995, even though they hadn't spent any significant time with her since august 1994, before she swanned off back into a magical world which seemed to be robbing them of her piece by piece.

they can only remember how sad it made them feel.

[sepublic]

            Thinking about how Watching and Dreaming is a story about Choices, their relation to Change, and the Responsibility that comes with that.

         It’s about Luz choosing to be a hero, choosing herself, choosing happiness in a world where she’s made any friends; The Titan herself tells Luz that he can’t decide anything for her, it’s Luz’s decision to accept his power and return to the isles to stop Belos. It’s Luz’s choice to be a Good Witch.

         Choosing just one magic course? Luz has always been unique about choices in her own way, she can’t decide on just one thing if she can have them all; Hence why she studies all magic tracks. Why Luz maintains connections to the human and demon realms. Even her bisexuality could be seen as a meta refusal to settle for one; So it all culminates in her palisman String Bean, who represents Luz not so much being indecisive, but rather choosing it all. Choosing all of the choices, with an intent that really does make a difference to her nervousness from before.

         It’s the Collector’s choice to become better, to let go of their anger and loneliness. It’s about choosing to change, something Belos never does; What makes him ‘irredeemable’ is not all of the heinous crimes he’s committed, it’s the fact that no matter how many times he is offered the opportunity to change, even be forgiven, Belos chooses not to take it. He refuses to change.

         But the Collector does. And they’re rewarded when King chooses to give them Francois; And it was always about King’s choice, his decision that the Collector respected. It was never about having Francois, hence why they didn’t cuddle with Francois behind King’s back, rescued him from Belos’ grasp and returned him to where he belonged.

         By contrast, the Collector’s control defies the ability to choose, because they decide everything for everyone. But he can’t force people to be his friends, it’s up to them, especially on whether to forgive. The students at Hexside are understandably scared of the Collector, and in the end, the kid can’t choose for them to be his friends; That’s something they decide for themselves, even if it’s the choice he wouldn’t have liked.

         THAT was the Collector’s mistake with Belos; It was not compassion’s folly. It was that they assumed by giving Belos a chance to change, he would automatically choose to do so; In a sense, the Collector expected that choice to be made for Belos just by offering him the opportunity to take it. But it’s just a change, a possibility, there is no certainty. The Collector can’t make Belos change as a person, they can’t control him either; They can only hope, but never assume on his behalf.

         Belos also chose things for people; Made them decide on just one magic track, and/or servitude to him. Insisted to Luz she ‘choose better’ by settling for humanity, took away agency through direct possession of Raine and the Titan. Both of whom fight back and regain some semblance of change and control but for themselves. In his final moments, Belos pretends he was a victim like them; Absolves himself of responsibility by claiming he didn’t have a choice, that he was forced to by his nebulous ‘curse’, and deep down he must believe God’s Destiny also spares him accountability.

         But by placing himself at Luz’s mercy, it gives Luz the power to decide Belos’ fate; And she doesn’t choose ‘peace’ like Belos hopes, because like with the Collector, merely offering a choice does not make someone take it. Raine and the Titan still managed to fight back and decide things for themselves, as did Hunter, and so many under his coven. Caleb was under the same indoctrination growing up but changed anyway; Philip has nobody but to blame but himself, for being passive.

         People choose to get better, or don’t; There are covenscouts like Tom and his group, confronted by Steve who chose to change and improve. And when offered the compassion and opportunity to do the same, they accepted; They chose improvement. Meanwhile, Coven Heads like Terra, Adrian, and Vitimir choose to stay the same. They don’t want to change, and it’s up to people like Darius and Eberwolf to prevent any more harm from them.

         Alador chooses to change for his kids, because he misses them. He wants to be a dad they can look up to, and love. This is contrasted by Odalia, who bitterly stands off to the side; She could’ve chosen this moment to change, because it’s not like there were any other opportunities to pursue. But she doesn’t want to change.

         And that’s part of theme of Choice, it’s that you have to choose to change, proactively and make it happen, or accept that change has happened regardless of your participation. When you have the ability, you have the responsibility, both in what to choose and the consequences that come. Philip didn’t want to face the consequences of his actions, denied responsibility. But people like Luz and the Collector and so many took responsibility; They saw they were hurting others and/or themselves, stopped and fixed the damage, and grew up. There is a responsibility to always offer compassion, even if you accept that people might reject it anyway.

         Belos didn’t want to change, nor did he accept that times have changed; His brother is dead, there’s no bringing Caleb back. The human world has changed, he saw as such through Hunter’s eyes when the Gravesfield that indoctrinated him ultimately looked back on its witch hunting prejudice and decided that was wrong, admitted it changed.

         Things can’t last forever, the Collector is convinced by Luz to accept change, not just in letting go, but also in learning about and acknowledging death. Just as Luz accepted her father Manny’s death; Belos being a cancerous growth that envelops the Titan, who is a father figure to King and low key Luz herself, is a metaphor for whatever illness killed Manny. By helping the Collector, a child who doesn’t understand death, Luz basically helps her childhood self; And by stopping Belos, she comes to terms with Manny’s death, and conquers her grief to move on and find a new future and a new family.

         Because Luz and the Collector accept change, that means they don’t need to maintain an unnatural stasis; They’re able to wake up from their fantasy dreams by coming to terms with the loss of loved ones, for Luz her dad, for the Collector their previous Titan friends, and their fear of losing King. Belos, he clings to his dream of being a hero, and never wakes up, even insisting in his final words that it’s the witches who are evil, not actually him. Belos clung to the past of Gravesfield and his trauma, and was forced to face the now, the consequences that came afterwards with his sins, in the form of people actually alive and very angry.

         But even with Belos’ death, the isles changed because of him, alas; The left arm has permanently risen, the geography of that area is drastically different and people must adapt. The Titan has finally, truly died, after he moved on, no thanks to Belos; No more of HIS glyphs, but there are King’s. So things change, and Luz accepts that; Even before King’s glyphs develop, the fact that she changed enough to earn String Bean allows her to survive this period of no glyph magic to rely on just fine, and build and plan a future around that.

         There are still scars, like the literal ones of Luz, King, Eda, Hunter, and Raine; Or the emotional scars like the death of Flapjack, the trauma that everyone has suffered and is healing from. But because so many characters chose to change, and to accept change, they themselves became people so radically different, and so much happier for it. So when they all appear before Luz to thank her, to express gratitude for the compassion that enabled them to decide to change, and become new people for it…

         It’s all about Choices. It’s about Freedom. It’s about Change, how you must facilitate and/or accept it. Control is antithetical to this, at least in application to others; But when you can control yourself and exercise autonomy, that’s wonderful. People like Amity, Lilith, Bump, Alador, and so many others chose to change and become better people, to create change in themselves and the world around them. Eda and King took responsibility for their actions, Eda accepting her curse was no excuse to push aside Raine, King becoming responsible with the implications of his divinity by rejecting them to be humble.

         Luz changed people, and she never forced them to. She simply gave them the same choice that she chose for herself, and that’s beautiful. There is no Destiny that’s decided ahead of time for you, no God who decides your role in the world. There is no ‘Chosen One’, one for whom a decision has been made by someone else and thrust upon them, there is only One who Chooses. It’s all about deciding for yourself, and that’s part of the uncertainty but also freedom of growing up.

        Luz chose to enter a foreboding shack. She chose to go back for her father’s book, to remain a weirdo, for herself and for Manny. And she chose to stay in the isles rather than go back. She’s been making choices all this time, deciding her own fate and as Eda advised her, what kind of witch Luz wants to be; A Good Witch.

[himluv]

I agree with you on the Solavellan ending. I love the angst and tragedy and I'm eating the idea of Solas and Lavellan having a lot to unpack once in the fade. Dramatic confrontations, tears, breakdowns and a slow road to forgiveness,. Delicious food. But I'm really annoyed with a portion of the fandom that seems to just gloss over the fact that Solas killed Varric, someone who was always kind to Lavellan and was even her friend. And even if you don't like Varric personally he is in canon a relatively decent person who tried to reach out to Solas on a compassionate level. Then he used a blood magic puppet of him to manipulate Rook... IDK the way that seems to mean little to nothing to a lot of Solavellans kind of bothers me. I'm not here to tell anyone how they can or can't play but the takes have been so bad. The infantilization, excuses and woobification of our boy are so egregious. Solas is complex and morally gray. Why would we be going through the effort of redeeming him if he wasn't doing things that would require redemption in the first place? I've felt really disconnected from the rest of the fandom because of all of the softening of his character people have been doing and it's refreshing to hear a take from someone who loves Solas but doesn't want to defang him.

Thanks for this thoughtful reply to this post! Sorry this took awhile, but I've been thinking of what I wanted to say. Long and spoiler-riddled reply below, and I don't even know how relevant it is to your reply, Nonny. Sorry!

I think A Lot of folks have spent the last 10 years rotating him in their heads like one throws a clay pot, molding him into something he could be based on what we knew about him. But, we didn't necessarily account for the other forms he could take. And some folks are very resistant to who he's canonically become by Veilguard. Because it's not a good form, he got Worse™ in his decade away from friends and love (shocker!), and it's hard to reconcile this version of him with the ones we may have made.

I get all of that. But I also LOVE that. It means he could still surprise me, and I got to experience this weird duality of love/hate I didn't expect to feel toward him. I got to see his lies in real time, know he was lying because I KNOW HIM, and go, "oh, you little shit (affectionate)". Like, that's just FUN! Which, last time I checked was in fact the point of video games.

I love that he is unpredictable and dangerous in this game. That we finally see him go all out, and use every skill and trick he has. That is THRILLING, especially because he's more dangerous and lethal and ruthless than I personally expected. Which... Is my fault. I should have expected it, because look what he did to Felassan. Look how he so easily killed all those Qunari in Trespasser. Look what he did with those spirits of chaos and disruption. Look what he did to the Titans! I should have known better, the games and books showed me time and again what he was capable of. I just didn't want to believe it.

I've seen some posts talking about how Lavellan approaches Solas at the very last confrontation. How carefully she goes up the stairs towards him. I've seen several interpretations of it, but there's one I haven't seen (which could be because I'm not hanging out in the Solavellan tag much these days).

She takes those stairs slowly, as if approaching a spooked horse, because the last time someone climbed a set of stairs to talk him down from his ritual, he killed them. And I don't think for one second Lavellan believes, if she handles this poorly, he won't do the same to her.

And I think she is 100% right. He would, perhaps on "accident" as he claims to Neve was the case with Varric (debatable - seemed pretty intentional if maybe a bit impulsive from here). But I firmly believe there is a world where Solas would stab his vhenan if he had to and certain conditions hadn't been met (and yes that would utterly destroy him).

She walks up those stairs to him, her vhenan, knowing this is it. Their final stand. She will save him from himself, whatever it takes, and she is prepared to die at his hands if it comes to that. And it so easily COULD HAVE.

I don't know. I just think that Veilguard gave us SO MUCH more insight into Solas and there's so much there to chew on. I think we're going to be able to go back through all the games and codices and so many little details are going to fit together and complete a puzzle we didn't even know we were making.

After all of this, I still have so much to think on 😂. I'm going to be living in Thedas for another decade at this rate!

Good. I don't ever want to leave.

[local-lamppost]

Initial thoughts cause it's 4am

Spoilers

First off, wow... it's really good. I've been saying that if season 2 is as good as season 1 Arcane would be my new favorite show and we are on track. Anyway, just gonna list stuff until I can process/rewatch a billion times

Mel lived! I was so certain that they would just kill her off, make that Ambessa's motive (give Jayce a reason to keep fighting the Undercity) but it's much more interesting keeping her involved in the narrative. Love her trying to bother understand and undermine her mother. Those Black Rose guys best not have hurt a hair on her perfect head.

Speaking of. What in the Utena are these Black Rose magic people? I love the look of their magic. I wonder how they can corrupt people. Is it a spell? Do they slip them something?

Love how the divide of Jayce and Viktor was done. Jayce betrayed Viktor's wishes of destroying the Hexcore. Last season, Viktor wanted to forget about using the core to save himself after Sky and begged Jayce to destroy it when the core wouldn't allow Viktor himself to do it. In Jayce's mind though, the core is the solution to Viktor's problems. He didn't know it killed Sky or that it can influence Viktor, but all Viktor can comprehend is that Jayce didn't trust him. Didn't keep his promise. And this is fresh off of Jayce's season 1 antics against the Undercity, so Viktor's faith in his partner was already shaken. Viktor's also comfortable in his mortality/death, even though he wants to prolong it like every other human, but Jayce can't fathom loosing Viktor-the man who saved his life and made his dreams reality.

(Side note: Am I a JayVik shipper? I never considered myself one, but after writing this...)

JINX HAS A KID! I love this choice. Give Jinx a kid so she is able to learn what Silco and Vi had to go through with her, that no matter how big or dangerous a scheme to take this child into account. The confrontation in ep 3 really showed what Jinx will have to consider now that this kid's decided to adopt her as an older sister or something. Especially nice detail of how Vi-who has always had to consider the kids in her life-immediately stops fighting and starts looking for ways to keep the kid safe.

I was wondering how Jinx would loose a finger and Caitlyn shooting it off to save Vi is just- The fact that the only way these two can show they care about Vi when it comes to each other is by hurting the other.

Sevika's new arm is fantastic. It's a peace offering from Jinx, but also a way for Jinx to feel better (it was something she could fix). The mechanics of it are really fun. It reminds me of Kite's weapon from HxH with how it didn't always work/give her what she wanted in the fight. I especially love the victory rockets and built in theme song.

Ambessa is so interesting. Between her character song to the introduction of just what she is fighting against, I am very intrigued. She reminds me of Cersei Lannister, except she loves her kids as more than just extensions of herself (as of what we've seen, but I think that'll stick). Her using Salo to establish herself-which also keeps Mel safe by distancing her-but also dropping him in order to prop up Cait at her first opportunity is such a clever move. She truly is the fox and the wolf, but she is above all a mama bear.

Not much to say about Heimerdinger or Ekko yet, but I am definitely curious to see what they do about the wild runes with Jayce. The three of them have a fun dynamic, what with Heimerdinger still being peeved about magic/being ousted, Ekko hating topside and having a new reason to do so with them poisoning his tree, and Jayce being recently seperated and divorced from both his partners.

Vi is an enforcer. I didn't know how they were gonna handle this, but they did it so well. Of course she wants to fix things for the people her sister hurt. She feels responsible. She can say she doesn't blame herself, but how true is that? Why else would she be wearing a badge if not for her guilt? She is desperate to do something right and being an enforcer seemed to be a way to make Cait happy, get her gauntlets (what she believes is necessary to make any kind of change), and be first in line in the hunt for Jinx. She says that her sister is dead, that Jinx is a desecration to Powder's memory, that they are not sisters but isn't it supposed to be 'nothing is going to change that'? How much of all this is just something Vi is telling herself to keep going? Cait is her motive right now, but after ep 3 I definitely see why she starts spiraling.

(2 Side note: Her new best friend/drinking buddy is such a real one. They have a bender in the gutter together and now he's following her into and out of the enforcers. I wonder if he knew Vander? In any case, he is a delight.)

Cait and Vi kissed... CAIT AND VI KISSED! Then NOTHING HAPPENED AFTER! NOTHING! No immediate break up, nope.

So Cait. I love Cait and I am hyped for her arc this season. I am ready to fight tooth and nail for her. I am a Caitlyn defender. So what she's being manipulated into leading a military state due to her grief/unresolved anger/guilt/Ambessa being better at this than her, she looks amazing in her cape. It balances.

Seriously though, the writing for Cait especially is so solid. She is desperate to hold herself and her family together, to protect her city. She still wants to protect the innocent, to heal the Undercity, but her anger at a select few of those she wants to help is clouding the greater image for her. Vi seems to be acting as her better half, the side that cares for the innocent-the protector. Ambessa is the agressor, encouraging Cait to take drastic military action against the Undercity as a whole. Vi's disillusionment with Cait is due to the fact that Cait desire to heal, not harm, is what caused her to fall for Cait to begin with. To see more than some privileged topside enforcer, but a woman who genuinely cared and was willing to abandon her peaceful naivety to learn for the greater good of strangers.

I'll also point out that they separate when Cait starts blaming Vi for them loosing Jinx. Before, everyone but Cait put responsibility on Vi, she was supposed to be the one to help lighten the load and absolve some of the guilt. Now Cait is becoming another one of those who slam the blame on Vi. She changed. Why does everyone around VI change?

Can't wait for the next batch of episodes.

[cfr749]

Initial Thoughts on Chenford in 6x07

All right... I'm feeling... a lot at the moment, so just sharing my initial reactions before seeing anyone else's. I'm sure my feelings will evolve. Also this turned into a GD essay and I'm sorry.

The Good

Grey acknowledging that Lucy was going through a lot ABOVE & BEYOND the break up. I just wish he'd mentioned the shooting, too. Lucy deserves to be more than her relationship with Tim and I need to actually see that in the future.

Lucy laying out 2 key things in her conversation with Grey - how easily Tim walked away and that he had no right to make that decision for her

Prior to the last scene (see The Ugly below), I thought Tim's interactions with the therapist were reasonably well done; if only therapy was that easy in real life lol

"You've always got a home with me" - I loved this final scene between Lucy and Tamara. I don't really have feelings either way about Tamara at this point, and this still hit me right in the heart.

Smitty's poll made me laugh, but also another solid indicator that these writers / producers do in fact really enjoy laughing at the expense of the fandom and shippers (which, whatever, I don't care that they do, I'd prob do the same; but it does irk me when people act like these writers should be worshipped because of all the things they "give" us)

The Tim

"I'm not depressed. I broke up with her."

"I was her TO." Not her friend, cuz god knows Tim has yet to deal with the fact that he started banging his former Rookie I suppose.

I dunno whether to put this in The Good or The Bad at this point; it depends on where they take it, so instead Tim gets a section all about why he's a dick.

To be clear, I do not like that Tim is a dick. But I actually do kind of like that it is very clear TO THE AUDIENCE that Tim is being kind of a dick. Do I still think people will bend over backwards to defend him? Of course they will.

From my perspective, I love Tim, I understand that he thinks he's doing the right thing, and has lots and lots of trauma. I've never seen Tim as a character that magically healed at some point between Seasons 1 & 5 (please see his storyline with his dad, his ongoing issues with UC work and unwillingness to confront or deal with them, his feelings about therapy historically, his inability to dump Ashley, etc. etc.). He's never been perfect and he doesn't need to be.

All of those things are true. None of those things give him a free pass to be kind of a dick. He still has to take accountability for how he treated Lucy (which, to be clear, was like sh*t).

The Bad

Lucy being petty AF with the invites to Tamara's dinner - let her be ANGRY, but give me villain Lucy over this dumb sh*t.

Lucy having no one other than Grey to talk to.

Others acting like Lucy is actually kind of pathetic (why do these writers love sh*tting on her so much? girl could not be down and kicked any harder at this point) -- Celina / Nolan and the double dumping crap, Lucy thinking Grey paid actors and him telling her she was out of her damn mind

The last interaction between Lucy and Tim. I am so angry for her. I needed to see that from her, but instead it felt kind of like her being dumped / a kicked puppy all over again. We got it, thanks. What's next? Lucy being incredibly happy with the hottest man on earth? I'm here for it tbh. Lucy plotting Tim's murder? Also here for it at this point. LOL.

The Ugly

I could not hate the implication of that final scene with Tim and the therapist and the door shutting more. There was ZERO reason they couldn't have had him show up during the day, and it actually disgusts me that they are pushing this line again, but especially with Tim. I am literally NEVER this dramatic, but in this case I really hope they did that to just get a reaction, because if anything were to actually happen between Tim and the therapist, I'd be 100% done with this ship and show as would a whole lot of the audience (I think). If I kept watching, it would only be to see Lucy be absurdly happy without Tim.

Well, what'd I miss? What did y'all think?

[lukolathoughts]

The art of bullying

I have thought a lot about the great literary heroes and heroines I could mention for this blog post. There is Harry Potter, who was so mercilessly bullied by his cousin Dursley and his aunt and uncle that he was forced to sleep in a cupboard under the stairs and even when released from that torment, he was still bullied by his adoptive family until the day they fled Privet Drive. There is also the courageous Jane Eyre who receives similar cruel treatment at the hands of her aunt and cousins and endures so much torment, she cannot bear her own reflection. She is a ghost of her former self. Who could forget Stephen King's Carrie. I think we all remember what happened with the infamous pig's blood scene and lets just say, that didn't end well. There is also our beloved Penelope Featherington who again is bullied by her sisters and mother right up until the end of season three. The bullying of Pen by Cressida Cowper was also agonising for me to watch, especially when she rips Pen's dress in episode one of season three and Eloise does nothing to stop it. It's an arrow to my heart that scene.

I also often return to my girl Elpheba from Wicked. A misunderstood figure simply because she was green and had magical powers. She was not afraid to stand up for the animal community when no one else would. She knew she was different and she embraced those differences to stand against a powerful force who had an army behind him. An army with minions and flying monkeys screeching overhead like locusts waiting to dive down and attack.

I do not pretend to compare myself to Elpheba, I mean I'm no soprano, and I do not think I have magical powers either. I have said consistently that my readings are purely for fun and entertainment purposes only. I do NOT know Nicola and Luke personally. I have never met them. They have no idea who I am. I simply read tarot and give my OPINION. Opinion is NOT fact. I can only read the energy of the cards as they come out. I could be wrong, I am not afraid to say that publicly. I am obviously also a Lukola, so I will admit I probably have some biases. I do try and separate myself from those though and read the cards objectively as I can. If you don't like my posts or content, block me or scroll on past. How are my humble opinions affecting you in your life? I have a small proportion of followers and people who like my readings and that is enough for me.

I have dealt with bullies my entire life. I remember some boys pulling my glasses off when I was five and snapping them in front of me. I have been called the most horrendous names and I'll be honest, high school was tough. But I'm also a strong person as I have endured a lot of crap. I am a mother also and nowadays I don't take much crap. What has always made me different in the views of others is my tenacity and spirit and the fact I will not give up even when the going gets tough. During my teacher training practice, I was paired with the most dreadful person. Lets call her Karen. Very dark energy, but I was also pleasant with her and I tried my best. She was often passive aggressive and made derogatory comments for no reason. Things like this leave me perplexed because I just don't have it in me to be mean to others, especially in real life. I am an empath and whatever energy I give out, I receive it too. It literally hurts me to hurt others.

Anyway, the one day I received a high grade on a teaching observation I had done and Karen said to me that the assessor who had observed me teach must have been having an off day and felt sorry for me. You know sometimes when people say awful things to you and you can't process them properly? This was a moment like that. Until, a while later I realised why she said it. Oh, yes my friends the J word. Karen was as green as Elpheba's face.

Now I'm not saying that the troll who had me mass reported and subsequently had my X account suspended is jealous of me. Not at all, I'm not that big headed. But I did get under her skin somehow, didn't I? So what is it 'matty bee Nicola's wh**e', (I'm sure Nic would love that name by the way - not) what did I do that was so egregious that you set your flying monkeys on me? What seven deadly sin are you conjuring if not envy, is it wrath? Did the call come from higher than you? Or is it hurt pride that that I might be right? Is that what scares you? I mean if I'm sprouting lies and nonsense, what is there to fear from me right? I'm just some nutcase tarot reader on the internet. No threat at all.

Or is it your lust for Nicola that has made you so hateful? In my last blog I wrote about the split within in the fandom. I failed to mention the solo Nicola fans who would hate to see her with either Luke or Jake and it's not because they think she is better off without a man and we should celebrate Nicola's achievements solo, it's because they want Nicola for themselves. It is some messed up stuff in my opinion. Luke being in the background these last few days must be incredibly triggering for both the Jakeholes and the Solo Nic stans. So they come for me and come for me they did indeed. In droves and not only that, they admitted it gleefully all over the X timeline and in their little group chats. How stupid have you got to be to admit this publicly? I also know that if I have received bullying then Nicola and Luke have received it tenfold. is it any wonder they are barely active on social media these days. Keyboard warriors think they are clever hiding behind their screen, but it's just pure cowardice.

There have been others bullied off their social media platforms by these trolls and they know who they are. They went one step further with me and forced me off. It is actually quite funny, because it won't stop me talking. On the contrary, dear Watson. Nothing short of a kamikaze missile is taking me down. I am here to see this through come hell or high water.

What happens to Cressida Cowper at the end of season three of Bridgerton? Spoiler, but she is penniless, unmarried and being shipped off to the country with her aunt while simultaneously Colin and Pen christen their marriage bed. The Wizard is banished from Oz on his hot air balloon. The Dursley's end up losing their home and sanity. What I'm trying to say is, what goes around comes around and small victories can often lead to bigger losses.

[mochimochimona]

Rewatching Arcane only Jayce and Viktor and it's hilarious S1 EP3

08.01.2025: So I forgot to include the first scenes with these two because I didn'T take it that serious before, so I added the other scenes from the Episode to have a more complete analysis.

Confident Viktor is so awesome and also: he can stand on his own and even move a little bit. It makes me sad to see how his sickness hadn't gotten a hold of him yet when he met Jayce. And also, his "we have to crank it" and unsure smile is so sweet.

This scene makes me 100% sure Viktor is a sneak little bitch and he is going very far to achieve his dreams. Oh wait.

"Why, Why would you risk this?" Viktors explanation is real here, I don't think he only wants to help Jayce because he is nice, but he has a dream, too. Which is even more important to point Jayce's reaction, how could I not include it here? He looks at Viktor so adoringly and happy, that he found someone who wants to help. And he smiles at him, after that, a little bit. It is a soft smile. I am struggling to interpret that as love, but definetly affection.

and than this shot, which makes me smile: "Our Hextech Dream". And that is important here, because for Jayce, nothing is more important to give magic to the people. And Viktor is the one who helps him the most.

The fact that Jayce keeps on touching Viktor after that is not lost on me, but again I am a touchy person myself and not romantically involved with everyone I do that with, so I leave it here as a character trait he has and a comrade-thing to do. Even if you don't know someone that long, you can do that without any thoughts behind. But I find it interesting that he is doing that just with Viktor. He never touched Mel before she made a move on him (he wasn't even flirting with her. WAIT A MINUTE).

And after that, onto doing mischief:

Honestly, I can see why people doubt the shipping, especially in the first few episodes (or the first season) but honestly, Viktor did like Jayce but more importantly he wanted Jayce to focus on their endeavor; when Mel showed up and Jayce was like this, smiling after her, Viktor was clearly pissed Jayce was not paying attention. I am weezing, Viktors face.

His pout.

And then this weird look, this short flash of...sadness? Disappointment?

Anyway, Jayce was staring at Mel for a long time. Not gonna lie. That's why I wasn't on the shipping train in the first season I guess.

Can't shake the feeling Viktor knew or something lol, now I have thought about it and now I am seeing things.

Like when they tried it out he was so sure it will hold.

So I was thinking why would Jayce be so protective of Viktor all the time, when Viktor is pretty confident (shown in the scene with Mel and the scene in the lab)

Edit 08.01.2025: Like he was calm and confident and saying "the resonance will stabilize it". We do love our confident scientist. As someone pointed out, there were a lot more scenes in this episode important to their relationship, but I started taking a closer look after this episode. So I will have to revisit them and take the other scenes into account, too. So don't be confused if the first episodes aren't in order!

Honestly asking: Is it just me, or am I delulu? In this scene Viktor says "ALL YOURS" and looks at Jayce like this. Yes, we know Viktor, all his. Every damn time *goes crying into a corner*

Anyway, before the Gemstones somewhat work, Jayce is guided by his memory of the mage how he could activate the gemstone, which is a nice thing to watch after knowing who that man is (and man, does Old Man Viktor look healthy??). And we get this magically scene with them, Viktor keeping the screw makes my heart clench.

This scene is really magical! I love it so much.

And how Viktor is smiling at Jayce!

But instead letting us see a close up of Jayce smiling back at Viktor, Heimerdinger comes in and Mel decided to show up, too and Jayce is giving her that look again.

So I rest my case here, that Jayce is fond of Viktor, but not romantically interested. Which makes me question myself but again, we don't see much of interaction with these two until Mel gets Jayce away from Viktor and the research. Hm. Interesting.

[nho-jungle]

giving gillion a tail: bug's thoughts on triton anatomy

yeah im writing a full thing about this okay let me autism lazerbeam in peace.

so the thing with triton anatomy is that one would assume theyre just human anatomy with some extra bits like gills n stuff. and tails, but we'll go into that in a moment. the problem with this is bone structure. not all fish have bones. sharks don't have bones. instead the support structure of their bodies is made of cartilage. which isnt too different, considering parts of human anatomy are made up of cartilage, but it poses some interesting questions. im no scientist, but i am autistic as hell. so im going to pose a couple of options that are fun to rotate.

the most common depiction of tailed tritons (which i myself have drawn) is some variety of fish or shark. this is aesthetically fun bc of the variety within fish and sharks, in terms of colour and shape, that allows you to get funky with it. anatomically speaking, this would probably be achieved via the tailbone being there, like a monkey, but with the muscle and flesh around it being shark or fish-like. this would all lend to a tail that moves side to side, which would lead to an interesting swimming style that probably wouldnt involve much movement of the legs.

the second thought i had for tailed tritons was seals. seals have very short tails, but as mammals they have the same bone structure as humans. due to this, my initial thought was a second set of hips, so the triton bone structure would look like it had four legs, but the second set of legs would be the tail formation. this would lend itself to a tail that moves up and down, which could probably be utilised in tandem with the legs to create a very efficient swimming style.

however, neither of these ideas take into account one very important thing about tritons:

they're amphibious.

oh but bug, they can have human lungs and fish gills with nothing to do with the tail- silence voice i made up purely to disagree! we are not here to do arts and crafts! we are not gluing random creature aspects together with whimsy and magic! this is real science!

so amphibians. frogs and newts and salamanders and the like.

the amphibian life cycle, in most cases, involves eggs being laid in water and larvae being adapted to an aquatic lifestyle. frogs, toads, and salamanders all hatch with external gills, and develops lungs to breathe air as they grow up. amphibians are very adaptable to their environment, and there are many possible variations among individual species purely caused by outside influence and the area they grow up in.

but what does this have to do with tritons and their tails?

tadpoles

unlike most amphibians, frog tadpoles dont look like the adults. frog tadpoles start out fully aquatic, with external gills. as they grow and develop, they get gill pouches to make their gills internal. they have cartilaginous skeletons (which later develop into bone), lateral line systems (found in fish, used to detect movement, vibration, and pressure under water), and large tails. their lungs develop early. their front legs develop first, and then their back legs soon after.

(oh what about axolotls- axolotls dont have lungs. they are functionally the same as salamander larvae but they never get past that developmental stage. theyre amphibians that arent amphibious.)

im running out of steam for this post but basically what im trying to say is that triton are froglets. this would also make sense for the fact that triton have webbed hands and feet. frogs do too so it would be implemented into the swimming style. bone structure is a whole nother things, especially since both 'mordenkainen presents: monsters of the multiverse' and 'volos guide to monsters' are cowards whos triton designs are just blue people. but working from 'mythic odysseys of theros' designs, who have at least a little bit of flare, i think it's safe to assume that their bones are a little funky. some fun mix of bone and cartilage to have those interesting shapes.

all that being said, i am a big supporter of doing whatever you want forever. i am also just a massive nerd and like to think way too hard about these things.

(shoutout to my dad for assistance with bouncing ideas around, and for being the one to suggest the tadpole thing.)

[okwonyo]

STAN TWITTER ﹒LEE HEESEUNG.

✸ SYNOPSIS ！idols flirting with their fans during fan-signs is not something new, especially on stantwt. but you never thought it would happen to you.

or in which heeseung experienced love at first sight with you, made you gain a lot of followers AND haters and is now stalking your account on a daily basis.

staring﹒ leeheeseung + femreader genre﹒idol au && fluffy angst warnings ﹒ no proofread. && english isn't my first language wc ✢ 1,021. chapter title ❔when you know, you know. © ( okwonyo )

it's a weird feeling, that keeps growing and growing in your chest from the moment heeseung comes pick you up at your flower shop to the moment you are both staring at the river in front of you. it out-grows your heart and threatens to make your rib cage explode.

as your hair moves with the wind, you keep wondering why hasn't heeseung said anything since you have arrived there. you turn your head to him, focusing your whole attention on his side profile. he seems calm, even if you know he is nervous. you don't know how, but you know.

you stare at him for a while before he finally speaks to you, "stop looking at me like that," he tells you, his voice sounds as beautiful as he sounds when he sings, "it's driving me crazy."

then the feeling in your chest, finally explodes. in a good way, in a way that fills your body with warmth and joy. it's heeseung's voice. it's his voice that makes you feel like that. and you can't help but smile at that fact.

of course, he smiles too when he sees you doing so. you both watch each other, both biting back the big smile that threatens to appear on you face. and you don't know if it's the ridiculousness of the situation or the way heeseung looks at that moment, but you ends up laughing like an idiot. a simple, light hearted and loud laugh.

"are you─" he starts, unable to finish and completely drowning in your laugh. "are you making fun of me?"

you nod, humming. you end up laughing even more when you try to explain why, heeseung soon follows. and you are both laughing with the running water as a backtrack.

the more your laugh fades away, the more you can feel heeseung's insistant gaze burning through your skin. when your eyes lock, it is as if it opened a magical bridge, from his heart to yours, allowing you feel everything he is feeling at the moment. telepathy grows as love does.

thus, birthing a knot in your stomach, you never liked feeling those kind of feelings and especially when you know there will never be anything coming out of it. so you ask, "what are you doing?"

"looking at you." he responds, but not without adding a little grin to it.

"no, i mean," you start and stops right away, taking a deep breath. it feels as if you already know the answer to whatever you are going to ask, "what are you doing with me? what do you want from me?"

heeseung shrugs, "to be completely honest, nothing but your presence."

you groan, he has that capacity of making your decisions ten times harder to make, "no but like seriously, what do you find so special about me? are you seriously going to tell me that you saw me and immediately fell for me and felt like we were soulmates are something?"

your stomach is the one to ache first after saying this sentence, not because it isn't true but because of feels like you think that heeseung is a liar, which is no where near what you actually think. then your heart starts to ache too, heeseung's silence saying his answer instead of his words.

"heeseung," you say his name as you would say a prayer. "i do not believe in given soulmates nor at in love at first sight."

"is this the reason why you don't want to give us a chance? because you don't believe in soulmates?"

"i do believe in soulmates, i just think that they are made not found." you state.

"well maybe we could be soulmates if you have me a single chance." he argues, the way he sounds makes you understand that heeseung wants you, in a quite simple desperate and human way.

"there are plenty of girls like me out there. and i will not let you fuck up your whole career just because you thought i was something that i am not." you fight back, against you own mind and emotions. you know you'll resent yourself for the rest of your life. "you will find, a million of girls like me on this planet, that would most definitely kill me if they knew what i was doing right now---"

heeseung, in front of you, fights too and has the same opponents as you do, you mind and emotions. "what? what are you doing?"

your breath is stuck in your throat for moment, before you finally breath out, "i am rejecting you." ─ you try to convince yourself that you are doing a brave thing.

"you are a dream come true to a lot of people and ─ believe it or not ─ even to me. and you deserve the best of the best." you just don't get, why rejected someone that you don't even know hurts that much. "listen we are still young, we have plenty of time ahead of us."

the most devastating thing about all this story, is that what heeseung felt when he met you, you felt it too. "i am sorry, for doing this to you. i am not what you make me out to be and i can't be what you want me to be. even if i desperately want to, i am not what you need."

when you finish your pathetic and sad monologue, you are still standing in front of heeseung and something in the universe broke. both on the verge of tears, you stare at each other for a long time. a butterfly passes, some tears finally drop and the world doesn't stop.

you gaze falls on his hand, which is hanging on his side. you internally debate if you should take it or not. there is a feeling in your hand, the same feeling magnets must feel towards each toe her. as if the universe wants you to take it.

but you won't let the universe choose for you. you won't let the only thing that belongs to you being played by any kind of divinity. you leave ─ fate, heeseung and whatever this little story was, behind you.

your love is yours to keep.

PERVIOUS MASTERLIST NEXT

IMPORTANT ❗️ this is the end of stan twitter 1, however stan twitter 2 is in the works. so the story continues ! i promise it's a happy ending this time >< also ik my writing is meh but pls... i'm a star....

TAGLIST : @j1nniee @mimi1xx @hangecanweholdhands @flwrshee @xyadix @gyuszie @dollikis @manooffline @bbangricz @ghostiiess @dearflwrz @rodygr @lol6sposts @haechansbbg @ilovewonyo @flmtunes @ikeulvr @spilled-coffee-cup @ashy1um @woncine @ughpixa @jaeyunology @jungwoneez @doublasting @kimiczi @stariqwon @thekinkpopstandsforkrackheads @iea-tsand @anyavaramyr @hoeinthehouse @lovvette @makiswrld @yenqa @ibsysbsfsunsbs @yeokii @jiawji @ririlovesrenjun dm or send a ask to be added/removed.

[hrizantemy]

Day 11 of ACOTAR Games: This or That

Who should have reacted more strongly?

Thesan: For Night insulting his authority in his court by attacking other High Lord, Lady and heirs, breaking the no-offence contract (Thesan was just a witness there while Feyre and Rhysand played court)

Helion: For Feyre asking invasive questions about his affairs and relationship with Lady of Autumn five minutes after meeting him

Your contenders: @achaotichuman @litnerdwrites @positivelyruined @yaralulu @umthisistheonlyusernamenottaken

On penalty: @fenrysmoonbeamswife @gwandas

Thesan’s reaction to the events in the court was incredibly subdued, which stands out as a major oversight given the gravity of the situation. Feyre and Rhysand certainly took the spotlight in their diplomatic dance, but Thesan was practically a bystander while the no-offense contract was broken by Night, allowing Feyre to launch a full-on assault on another High Lord, Lady, and their heirs. The fact that this wasn’t met with more immediate outrage is baffling, especially considering that Thesan was not only a witness but a representative of his court in that room. Feyre’s actions were far from a simple misunderstanding—they were an open insult to Thesan’s authority. Thesan, as a High Lord, should have demanded accountability for the breach of conduct. Instead, the tension was barely acknowledged, leaving the supposed unity of the courts to look more like a fragile, paper-thin arrangement.

It’s even more jarring when you look at Feyre’s earlier speeches, where she talked about showing the world their “real” selves and the importance of forging strong alliances based on honesty and respect. But then, in the same breath, she burns the Lady of Autumn, humiliates herself by having to serve wine in to Azriel in a situation that should have been beneath her, and leaves the actual court negotiations to Nesta, who was already dealing with her own set of challenges. Feyre’s impulsive actions should have had consequences. Thesan, as an impartial leader, could have stepped up to reinforce the integrity of the gathering, but instead, he allowed the insult to slide. This missed opportunity not only made Thesan appear weak but also undermined the purpose of the whole meeting—forming an alliance. Instead of upholding his court’s dignity, Thesan allowed Feyre and Rhysand to play at diplomacy while sidelining the very essence of respect between High Lords.

Thesan definitely should have reacted more strongly. His failure to challenge Feyre’s actions casts doubt on his leadership and sets a concerning precedent for how the courts handle disrespect. Had he held Feyre accountable, it might have shifted the entire dynamic of the meeting and made the other courts take the diplomacy seriously. Instead, his passive stance made it all too easy for Feyre to walk away without consequence.

Thesan should have absolutely banned Feyre and Rhysand from ever stepping foot in his court again. I mean, we’re talking about the literal breach of a contract, not to mention the disrespect they showed with Feyre just casually attacking another Lady, like she was playing a game of “Who Wants to Offend a Royal?”

Oh, and don’t even get me started on Feyre’s half-assed apology to the Lady of Autumn. Like, seriously? Feyre, after causing an international diplomatic incident by attacking the Lady and her heirs, has the nerve to throw out some half-hearted, “Oh, I’m sorry about the whole… thing,” like she accidentally knocked over a glass of wine, not, you know, starting a war.

There’s no remorse. No real acknowledgment of how much she just trashed any chance of maintaining good relations with Autumn Court. It’s like she thought a little, “Oops, my bad,” was going to fix everything. Feyre just sort of side-steps the gravity of the situation, tossing in a few “I didn’t mean to” comments as if the Lady of Autumn was going to just forget she was publicly humiliated by some half-baked apology and magically decide, “Oh, okay, that clears everything up. No hard feelings!”

The Lady of Autumn, meanwhile, is probably standing there, blinking in disbelief. She probably expected Feyre to at least pretend to understand the magnitude of what just went down. But instead, Feyre delivers an apology so weak it makes you wonder if she even knows how much damage she’s done. It’s like Feyre was so focused on her “real self” tour, she forgot to be a decent person to the people she was supposed to be building alliances with. I mean, imagine: “Hey, sorry I just ruined everything you’ve worked for, but here’s my apology. I’m not going to actually explain what I did wrong, but I hope this makes it all okay. Thanks for understanding!”

Feyre, you can’t just throw an apology like it’s some kind of magic fix-all when you’ve just offended an entire court. A little more effort would’ve gone a long way, but no, Feyre just handed out the bare minimum and expected it to be enough. What a move. What a move.

Omg, I’m so sorry I missed the deadline, life just got a little out of hand 🙈 Anyway, here’s a fun fact about me that literally no one knows: I have a bunch of half-siblings! Like, seriously, y’all, I could actually field a football team with all of them. I’ve lost count, but it’s definitely more than enough to make my family reunions chaotic 😂 Just thought I’d share that little tidbit since I’ve been a little MIA. Hope y’all are doing great!

[kaisturntoshine]

Ranking the Alien Stage songs based on how much agony they have caused me

Obviously, SPOILERS FOR ALIEN STAGE, ROUNDS 1-7.

Unless stated other-wise, this is based mainly on my first listening experience (or my recollection of it, to be more precise).

"Nowhere" will not be included until its official release, but might be added later.

The music videos are taken into account.

This list should not be taken as me ranking the songs based on how much I like them, as rankings would differ to some degree.

8. Sweet dream:

Catchy and melodic, in my opinion "Sweet Dream" served its in-universe purpose just as well in the real world. It got me interested in Alien Stage without showcasing the parts that make the competition "rotten" and "inhumane", whilst still teasing the bigger picture. This song sounds strangely euphoric and Sua's vocals are heavenly, so it's easy to get carried away and forget the tragic context.

(Fun fact: "Sweet Dream" was my top song in all streaming platforms for 2024 and is also my ringtone :> )

7. Unknown (Till The End):

In direct contrast to the songs of R1 and R3, "Unknown Till The End" is quite upbeat and energetic. That, accomplanied by the subject matter being, in my eyes, not as upseting as that of most of the other songs (or at least it being painted in a less tragic light), resulted in me deciding to place this song right after "Sweet Dream". It does get bonus points on this scale, however, for the fact that Till's frustration and urgency is very much contagious.

6. All-In:

With a similar vibe to "Unknown Till The End", "All-in" is a very empowering song. For me, it all boils down to last bridge and the section before it, aka the incident with Hyuna's brother. For such a loud song to have such a quiet section... It really gets to you. I was very shocked by the initial implications and really felt for my girl Hyuna.

5. Ruler of My Heart:

Ah, yes, "Ruler of My Heart". The first instance of Luka working his magic. Being an honest woman, I can admit to the fact that Luka's magestic voice and ethereal looks alone might have been enough to send me to heaven, if not for the fact that he sent Mizi to hell. Her facial expressions, her hallucinations of Sua (and by extension the realization of what Luka is doing), as well as her attacking Luka in the end were truly a punch to the gut; not enough to kill me, but they did their damage.

And now, getting to the tough part...

4. Blink Gone:

I genuienly was expecting for "Blink Gone" to be higher on this list prior to actually making it, since it actually made me a lot more emotional than "Ruler of My Heart". But allas, I could not find it in me to rank it above any of the following songs, for if "Blink Gone" was a knife stabbing me to the chest, they would be a whole guilotine. The emotions expressed in them are so genuine and raw, it makes my heart ache every time without fail.

To actually talk about "Blink Gone", the idea it expresses is one that stems from the heart of Alien Stage as a whole, making it very impactful. Till's grief, confusion and fear of death is so thoroughly expressed in the song's lyrics, but especially so in the AMV. Not to mention the last few seconds of the song; Mizi's appearance giving a false sense of hope both to Till and us, the viewers, that things might actually get resolved; that Till, who's been fighting the system since day one, might win, only to take everything away. The xylophone sequence is genuienly heart breaking, as it finally shows us not Mizi through Till's eyes, but Mizi and Till together.

Honestly, the top 3 should be considered a tie...

3. Black Sorrow:

I could say a million things about Ivan, my favourite ALNST character, and "Black Sorrow"... but I won't. Suffice it to say, Ivan's raw emotions of grief, desire and love, that he himself struggles to distinguish, being so painfully in display were enough to make me drown in a dark sea of my own... The only thing stopping this song from overtaking one of the top 2 is the simple fact that no one important dies in its duration.

(It pains me to admit that black sorrow is the hardest song for me to sing)

2. My Clematis

Almost getting the number one spot but falling short, the song that started it all, "My Clematis". Every time I listen to this song I want to cry my eyes out... The way Sua and Mizi's vocals are so gentle and warm, full of love for one another makes me want to shrivel up and die, knowing how this story ends. Especially so, since when I first listened to the song I didn't know it would end like that, so I was painfully anaware and naive, just like Mizi. If it were anyone else that died in "Cure", then "My Clematis" would probably be on top. Alas, only one thing could beat queen Sua's death...

1. Cure

NOTHING could have prepared me emotionally for "Cure"... or Ivan's death. Logically, I knew it would be him, but I wanted to believe in the small possibility that they would be rescued, as unlikely as it was. Everything about this song, from the vocals to the lyrics to ESPECIALLY the AMV? Black sorrow. Pure, unmistakable sorrow.

That's a wrap!! Feel free to comment which of these alnst songs you've brought up the most in therapy!!

[ataraxiasflame]

what was your least favorite part of acosf

Good question, anon! And my answer is probably going to be an unpopular one. There are several scenes that I can point out as contenders for least favorite but there are actually two characters that made ACOSF very difficult for me.

The first was Amren. Amren’s agenda to put Rhysand on the throne despite his insistence that he doesn’t want to conquer Prythian. Amren’s suggestion that Nesta use the mask and the weapons that she made with her power to make Rhys King (when at this point, there was every indication that the mask could kill Nesta). And then when Nesta went down on her knees to beg forgiveness from Amren who had previously called Nesta a pathetic waste of life, I literally threw my book at the wall.

The narrative that Nesta hurt so many (see: Feyre) and needed to earn their forgiveness still pisses me off to this day especially when every single member of the inner circle is still given the luxury to behave in other destructive manners, and none of them are held accountable or had their lives threatened if they didn’t toe the line.

My second issue with ACOSF was Feyre. I don’t tend to discuss it much given that she’s a pretty popular character. Feyre was my least favourite character in the original trilogy, and she remained my least favourite after ACOSF but for different reasons.

I take major issue with the fact that she was handed a (pretty powerful) title which can only be passed on through magic, but that’s something I’d need a whole other post for…in ACOSF, her character did nothing with that power. Yes, the plot was focused on Nesta, but we saw enough of Feyre because of the baby plot, and she was watered down to a pregnant trophy wife who was given a title so that she can feel important. She could have done so much for the females of the Night Court (the Hewn City females; and the Illyrian females which she frequently likes to take the form of so she can fly around and screw Rhys with the wings that they cannot use)…I just feel SJM really took a massive misstep by not making Feyre at least earn the respect of a High Lady with the people of her court through her actions, not because Rhys told them to respect her because they are mates.

Instead, she was decorating mansions and painting portraits. She was being a trophy wife, pregnant or not. And this was further confirmed by the fact that not a single member of her found family (who Feyre places on a pedestal over her own sisters) defended her when the time came.

I can still handle the minor issues I had with Nessian and the so-called ‘intervention and Rehab’ for the sake of the plot but I did not enjoy Amren and Feyre in this book, unfortunately.

[ataleofcrowns]

Bonus Lore: Crowns of Old, Part III

[ Part I | Part II ]

Back with another lore drop from the Patreon!! This time we'll be looking at the Eighth, Ninth and Tenth Crowns ✨

The Eighth Crown: Bargiran of Great Mercy

When speaking of Crowns that are of more humble backgrounds, Crown Bargiran is the one that comes to mind first. Due to the plague that swept through Arsur during the reign of Crown Lorîcan, Bargiran lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age. Her older sister did her best to take care of them both, but she was only barely an adult herself, and they struggled greatly. Many nights were spent sleeping on the streets and begging for scraps of food.

It was Bargiran's great fortune that they were found, yet it was even greater fortune to Arsur. Bargiran had an uncanny talent in healing magic. Many of her days as an orphan was spent helping at a public health clinic in exchange for food, where she quickly discovered her talent for magic, and especially her talent for healing and alchemy.

Shortly after, Crown Lorîcan received her vision, which showed her Bargiran. At this point, Lorîcan had already imprisoned her previous Sorcerer months before. As the plague continued to sweep through the lands, unabated, she knew that she was running out of time to find her successor. There was a real risk that Bargiran could die before Lorîcan could find her, in which case there could be an unprecedented crisis in Arsur.

No one knew what would happen should the successor die before they could officially receive the Blessing of the spirits during their coronation. Some scholars worried that it would bring the line of Crowns to an end. As such, no resource was spared to find Bargiran. Thankfully, she was found before disaster could strike.

Unfortunately, Lorîcan's tutelage was extremely short-lived. Only weeks after finding her successor, she would show signs of being infected herself, and within days she passed away. Bargiran became the Crown at the young age of sixteen--the youngest a Crown has ever taken the throne--and made it her sole purpose to put an end to the plague. Either by finding a cure, or by curbing it as much as possible.

It was upon her coronation that she chose the name Bargiran for herself, meaning "one whose burden is heavy". She knew it would be an incredibly difficult task. It would take ten years before Bargiran, together with expert healers from all over Arsur and even beyond, would find a cure. The need for it became even more dire for Bargiran personally when her sister fell ill.

Bargiran worked herself to exhaustion, famously fainting during a court meeting and falling off the stairs of the throne room, nearly breaking her neck were it not for her Royal Protector. Eventually, her efforts bore fruit, and after a long, devastating decade, Bargiran found a cure at the young age of twenty-six years old.

However, it was a great tragedy that she could not find the cure in time to save her sister. People far and wide considered Bargiran to be one of the greatest Crowns in history, likening her to a savior, yet Bargiran never forgave herself for not being able to cure her sister in time. While she helped Arsur heal from its wounds, Bargiran would never be able to heal herself.

The Ninth Crown: Beloved Dila

Dila became the Crown during a time of relative peace; there were no wars to be fought, and Arsur had finally reached a point of stability. Dila’s reign was best known for the flourishing of arts and culture within the Empire. In fact, it was during her/their reign that pleasure houses grew into the influence they now possess.

Crown Dila was known for being a beauty without compare. It wasn’t solely their looks, but also their innate charm that drew people to them; rather, her charm enhanced her appearance into something of almost mythical proportions. A few historians have encountered accounts that say that Crown Dila’s magic itself was the cause, that she possessed a peculiar aura that wasn’t quite elemental in nature, but rather one that enchanted onlookers. These accounts were not verified, however, and officially Crown Dila’s magic is listed to have been an Earth affinity.

Centuries later, poets still compose verses referring to Crown Dila, describing rosewater flowing from their darkly coiled tresses, or the light of the moon held in the night of her eyes. There is even a famous story written of Crown Dila’s encounter with the peri queen, where it is said Dila charmed even Queen Nis and was granted a blessing by her that would ensure a long, peaceful reign.

During their lifetime, Dila had the most lovers out of any Crown to date. Their royal concubines numbered into the two dozen at their largest recorded size, though Dila formally courted only four people during their reign; all four became Jewels of the Crown as well. Dila was very free with her affections, but also selective in who she romanced, even casually. 

Their royal concubines were almost all artists, of various kinds. Painters, sculptors, dancers, singers, musicians, poets, writers and storytellers, even weavers of cloth and carpets—Dila greatly admired and loved all kinds of artistic expression. 

Being a royal concubine usually meant to be committed to the Crown, but Dila went against convention and allowed their concubines to court whomever they wished. Many of Dila’s concubines were artists who worked for pleasure houses, and thanks to gaining Dila’s favor, their pleasure houses rose in status as well.

The Tenth Crown: Love-blind Jiyan

Jiyan was known for her/his/their love for life. It was undoubtedly the influence of their mentor, Crown Dila, who was famous for guiding Arsur into an age where the arts would flourish. This continued under Jiyan's reign, as he was equally fond of all the best things life had to offer. Perhaps to an excess.

While Jiyan was a very capable Crown, especially good at navigating difficult diplomatic relations, they were also a very passionate person who tended to have an impulsive streak. Early in her reign this was brushed off, as everyone assumed Jiyan would mature into her role. He was only crowned at the age of twenty, after all, and would gain wisdom with time and experience.

Unfortunately, no one could anticipate the disaster that Jiyan's impulses would drag Arsur into.

It started as an innocent flirtation. Jiyan noticed the provincial army commander of Zerat during one of their court meetings. The commander in question, Asin, reported to the Crown regarding conflicts with some rebellious nobles within the province.

Jiyan was immediately taken with him. Commander Asin was of equal age to Jiyan, very accomplished at only twenty-eight years of age, and also said by some to have an appearance that was quite pleasing to the eye. Jiyan would find excuses to talk to him while he stayed at the palace, and Asin--very flattered the Crown would give him any attention at all--indulged her quite readily.

Soon, Asin found himself seeking out Jiyan as often as Jiyan would visit him. With the Royal Palace being in Zeratun, where Jiyan preferred to stay, it was very easy for the two to see each other whenever they wanted. Before either of them realized it, what had started as playful banter quickly spiraled out of control over the next few weeks.

It became a whispered rumor among the servants that the Crown had started to invite Zerat's army commander to his chambers. Jiyan's Sorcerer and Royal Protector already knew, of course, but they didn't think it necessary to intervene. The Imperial Court, however, had other thoughts.

They confronted Jiyan on her relationship with Asin during a court meeting. While some were clearly taking advantage of the rumors to weaken Jiyan's position, others had sincere reservations about whether it was a good idea to take a subordinate in charge of a sizable portion of the military as a lover. Zerat's army was the largest and strongest out of all the provinces, eclipsing even the Imperial Army at the time.

Jiyan dismissed their concerns, and the matter was closed, albeit not settled. While Jiyan and Asin's relationship had started out well, over time, they started to argue more and more. Not about their relationship, but about military matters. It soured their romance, both having part of the blame. Asin started voicing opinions on the Imperial Army which was far beyond his station, and Jiyan started belittling Asin's opinions on matters he did have expertise in.

The last straw came when Jiyan ordered Asin to round up the rebellious nobles and officially imprison them. Asin knew it would inflame the situation, but he was also incensed to be condescended to yet again, for a moment forgetting his rank. His outright refusal infuriated Jiyan who, in another moment of impulsiveness, stripped Asin of his rank.

To Asin, it felt like betrayal of the worst kind. He was disgraced, humiliated. To the servants and guards who witnessed the huge blow-up between the two, it came as little surprise when a few weeks later, reports came in that Zerat's provincial army had joined the ranks of the rebels and had begun an uprising in earnest.

Jiyan was struck with shame and regret, at many things. How he had treated Asin, and even having begun a relationship with Asin to begin with. The civil war that followed was a bloody one, though it was confined to Zerat and put down within the year.

The Crown was not present for any of the battles, or for Asin's eventual capture and execution. She never spoke of him again, and it was understood that one should never mention his name in Jiyan's presence.

The civil war that was waged during their reign became known as the War of Lovers.

[katzkinder]

Today, the official servamp account made a tweet in celebration of Otogiri’s birthday on the 28th of September! Her favorite food is soba and she does karate for a hobby!

Under the cut I have some headcanons of my own for her, so please enjoy!

This one is my favorite and it’s that whenever Sakuya needs to have a teacher meet with his guardian she goes along with Tsubaki and they act super annoying to embarrass him lol. Like she dotes on him and calls him goofy pet names and pinches his cheek. On the occasions where he’s in trouble for something Team M view as justified, though, she puts on a face of “our perfect little angle? No, never, you must be mistaken”

This is still somewhat humiliating to Sakuya. She loves teasing him in her own way. Makes her miss Johannes.

Speaking of Johannes as kids he used to cut the hair off her dolls or tear their heads off. It’s fine she’d tie him to a tree with her jump rope and leave him there.

Karate was actually a hobby she picked up as a child for self defense purposes. She continues with it because it’s good to help her destress, especially when doing her forms. Something about the rhythm of them helps her clear her mind

She writes fan fiction and will die if anyone finds her ao3 account

I headcanon her, personally, as wlw (not sure what flavor though. Just in general) A major part of this is because she’s the only female member of the cast you can gift chocolate to during the valentine’s event at TanakaBox! I’ll put a link to the event translation in a reblog later

Because she’s so busty, she has a fair bit of problems buying bras she likes that don’t cost an arm and a leg. Living with Tsubaki and working for him means money is no object, of course, but it’s the principle of it. Belkia surprises her once with a custom replica of Madonna’s cone bra corset in bedazzled hot pink. She needed to take several moments.

She did in fact try the whole thing on for him. She felt ridiculous. She also loved how silly the whole affair was. Far too often people get weird about the size of her chest and it makes her so uncomfortable, but with team M… It’s just another body part. She can relax around them

Speaking of people being weird about her body, this is a headcanon Yarra told me that I loved so much I adopted it immediately. She used to go out late at night into seedier parts of Tokyo trying to find men who would start trying to feel her up or force the issue after she rejected their advances, so that she could kill them without feeling guilty, using them as proxies for the doctor who assaulted her. This was not actually a healthy way to cope.

She wants to do a soba tour. Just go around the country trying all different types of soba. One day she wishes to be able to boast she’s had every soba from every restaurant in japan. For now she’s working her way through Tokyo. She’s a subclass so she has all the time in the world to do it.

The entire hotel is (was) outfitted with her strings. They kind of acted as an early warning system. It’s a strange kind of magic that doesn’t seem to have much limits in the way of distance so long as the space she’s in is enclosed.

During holiday seasons, especially Halloween, Christmas, or New Years, these become places for decorations to be hung.

She truly cherishes everything Tsubaki has done for her. The one regret she has about being a subclass is that she had to kill herself for the chance to meet so many wonderful people. She thinks if she’d had anything remotely close to this while human, she would have found the strength to keep living.

They’re her family. Someday, she hopes Hansel can also be part of it again.