#especially since in all of my most recent friend groups the people liked to vent to me but never let me vent to them

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for discussing my friend's sexuality with a completely different friend group?

my best friend of 10 years (we're both 25) told me several months ago they're gray-ace. i'll be completely honest: i think microlabels are stupid and pointless, since they really only describe personal preferences that have nothing to do with sexuality. i'm not interested in debates or discourse, so save your essays.

being friends with them for a decade, i obviously know them extremely well, and i'm positive that they're not gray-ace, they just have a history of dating ugly, toxic people (one of whom i know for a fact pressured them into sex at least once). i'm pretty confident i'm right, since recently they were telling me about a woman they met at a bar, and how upon seeing her immediately wanted to hook up bc she's so sexy. now, i'm not ace but finding strangers sexy and wanting to have sex with them doesn't strike me as ace behavior. especially considering they were only ever luke-warm about sex and attraction when it came to men, and haven't mentioned feeling the same way since they realized they were a lesbian.

i would never ever tell them what i really think. this is their journey to make, i'll see them on the other side. i'm also not going to share my opinion with any of our mutual friends, bc our friend group doesn't gossip about each other or talk behind others' backs, and i don't want to put anyone in the position of hearing me vent about how i think our friend is using asexuality to avoid processing their trauma.

all that being said, i'm in a discord server with people who share similar views and beliefs (about most things, not just microlabels lol), none of whom are in any way affiliated with my irl friend group. so i vented to them about this situation, they agreed with me, we made some lighthearted jokes about it. like i said, i'm never going to say anything to my friend, but it feels dishonest to smile and nod when they talk about being gray-ace, then later roll my eyes and laugh about it on discord (for what it's worth, they haven't mentioned being gray-ace since they started dating the woman from the bar).

so, AITA for pretending to believe them, then talking about them in an unrelated discord server?

[hello-mrpresident]

PSA: Racism

(A few of the screenshots have typos. Any names from the other party are omitted, since I'm not making drama I just need to use this story as an example since it was recent, and also because most of you know who this person is also note this isn't the entire conversation Just what i said and a bit of what they said to prove that it happened they didn't add anything meaningful to the conversation for me to include it to make a point.)

So I wanted to wait a few days after talking to this person, I won't name-drop who it is because there's no reason, however, I wanted to vent on my blog and explain what happened because of this person's history of playing the victim and how badly they treat their black friends.

Recently someone had dmed me wanting to RP Hobie Brown from Across the Spider-verse. The person was white. I had set a clear boundary that I was not interested in following and explained why. Now to stress I at NO POINT said they couldn't rp Hobie Brown, I just said I wouldn't follow. My reasoning being was that "Hobie Brown is black and I'm not comfortable with a white person rping a black character" especially where Hobie's blackness is extremely important to his character. So important I firmly believe no non-black person would be to write him correctly or give him justice. Or, as a tried and true self-fulfilling prophecy, they'd do something racist. As does almost every white writer and white rper. Don't think I forgot Homestuck RPC about the time you decided to make a bunch of black-coded trolls and get around to saying the n-word by making them say it or making them say "Trigger"

Instead of understanding WHY I would be uncomfortable, immediately demanded why THEY a WHITE PERSON could not write Hobie Brown. I wrote LEE-EL LUTHOR? Why could I write a white person and they couldn't write a black person. First of all, Lee isn't white, secondly, those are WILDLY different situations. Black people do not have a history of whitewashing, making racist cartoons or sideshows about black people and there aren't racist caricatures of white people that are still used today in cartoons. I need to stress again, that I at no point said they couldn't that I just didn't want to follow because of personal comfort.

Their next argument was to point out that he was written by a white guy, yes you asshole a lot of black characters are written by white people, again that's not the fucking issue, I just didn't want to follow you due to PERSONAL discomfort and reasons. Also in the movie Hobie was written and designed by a diverse group of people and there was also a wide variety of black artists and writers giving input. In his original comic run, yes he was written by a white person and designed by one, trust me, it is CLEAR to me as a black person he was.

My point here talking about all of this, is that if you do not understand why any black person would not want you writing a black person, or why they wouldn't want to support you or help you out, you probably shouldn't be writing a black character. You need more than "I like this POC character" to write them. You need to educate yourself and be willing to concede with someone of that same minority not wanting to interact or even participate if they are uncomfortable. Otherwise, you're a bad friend and you're an asshole and you need to unlearn racist behavior and educate yourself.

[openly-journaling]

Citlali - Saturday January 6 2024

It's funny I was just thinking about why we even have a diary or journal or whatever that we even write in. Especially when days have been so uneventful.

Ithaqua is now spending more and more time away from the front and with his now husband Alva (they got married in headspace on the 1st)

Fern/Smidge spends most of his time off with his boyfriend Sorrow and I am now with Fantasy.

Fantasy insists on getting time with his brother so I'm by myself mostly right now. Though Plague joined me at front awhile.

What is going on with our system one can only wonder. We formed Marshmallow recently to protect us over a few phrases that trigger us. So hopefully we can reduce the amount of stress and rapid switching when such phrases set us off.

Marshmallow also insists on almost completely reworking the system (helping people into groups, giving them better spaces, and finding out who's all where exactly since we hardly pay attention to each other outside of our own spaces in the headspace) good for him, he's keeping busy.

I suppose all this journaling is just good for keeping track of things but as far as we aren't concerned our memories aren't split and we remember it all anyway. Feels more like a vent post some days.

I've also caught myself in the midst of consistently having to reassure my bf (Fantasy) and others in the system when they're facing issues and I hope we can improve but it's so strange at times.

Kind of slipping back into Maladaptive daydreaming as well out of boredom while we wait to finally start college on the 11th.

Psychology. If we can get into that we can further study DID/OSDD and endo systems and hopefully uncover the truth once and for all. I would speak of this more in depth on our plans but at the same time there is a selfish part of us that doesn't fully want others nosing in on our research and how we plan to go about it. Thanks to a friend we've been given another approach even on how to study this that may not have been considered before.

We would need several volunteers from endo, endo neutral and anti endo communities and not just from our own perspective. We only know our experiences.

But something we've noticed talking with endos is that they tend to experience some things antis never speak about experiencing. I will not list them here. Still, if there's a chance to learn more, we wish to find out.

But first, I suppose, we start with basic steps. Basic learning. Hopefully it won't take too long for us to actually be allowed to do research and dedicate our life to further understanding this disorder that most other psychologists probably won't delve into.

We'd also like to understand psychiatry. Hopefully one day we'll have a breakthrough.

[princessazalea17]

Long Vent

Post/Reflection: College and Loneliness

I just saw this post on Reddit and wanted to give my reflection. I am a recent graduate from UCI, and I can deeply relate to this post. Although I didn’t go through hookups nor can I relate to the substance abuse part (I tried edible cannabis and vaping once, didn’t do much for me, plus I stay away due to health reasons), I can say that for the most part, although UCI is a very beautiful campus, and Irvine itself is one of the safest places to live, the courses kicked my ass my first year, I didn’t form a lot of long-term connections like I thought I would, and I felt very disconnected from the campus culture, and I feel like COVID also played a part in this.

I used to view college through the rose-colored glasses that freshman me used to wear— I was expecting my college experience to be like on a Netflix show, doing so many fun things with my big, happy college friend group. I have had my share of groups, but many of them did not last longer than a quarter, and a lot of my friendships felt very superficial, when I was seeking genuine connection. After your first year, it becomes very difficult to form new connections. My first year, it felt like I had a huge amount of people that I could talk to. By year four, I often found myself clinging to people, using work as a social outlet, and feeling constantly depressed, and I lost a lot of friends, or more-so acquaintances whom I thought I had a closer bond with than what was really there. As a result, I often tend to isolate myself due to fear of rejection, after making the mistake of inserting and forcing myself into spaces where I am not wanted.

I put in the effort to get involved in many different campus organizations, and ended up finding three that I felt like I was a part of, but as of today, most of the people I talk to are the people I knew from high school. My biggest problem with the campus culture is how everyone is friendly in the fall, then all of a sudden the environment shifts and becomes more closed off by the winter quarter. I talk to less than five people from my university that I met. After graduating, my phone has never been drier.

I have had my fair share of parties, but I felt miserable in most of them, especially going alone and not knowing anyone. A lot of people would bond by smoking weed and drinking together, and I felt very left out since I didn’t do either. The same can be said with club meetings. I had better experiences in the hobby-based clubs than I did the social clubs, especially the smaller ones, since they were more intimate and the board members made an effort to include everyone.

I did take summer classes twice- once in person, and once online. My final quarter was in the summer, and I can say that without a doubt that was my best quarter, because it felt like I had less pressure placed on me, and I spent the time working on bettering myself. The campus was emptier too, which meant not feeling as left out. Plus, I got to live in a great apartment with great utilities and air conditioning.

Course-wise, I got poor grades my first and second year due to the STEM weed out classes. I got a lot of Cs, and I failed a few classes and had to repeat them, despite me taking these same courses in high school (hello, Advanced Placement). The lab course, which has one of the most hated teachers on campus teaching it, was one of the worst courses I have ever taken on campus, despite it being online when I took it. By my third year, I ended up changing majors because I couldn’t afford to keep having to pay for summer session tuition or take a fifth year for undergrad. A lot of professors made exams challenging on purpose to weed out the students who only studied by memorizing (myself included), and a lot of the exam averages were C scores. Some classes had it worse, where exam averages were so low that students had to rely on very generous grading curves to pass the class.

Of course, there were also things about campus that I appreciated, other than the beauty, security, and convenience of living in a college town. I miss my job and my coworkers. I miss the communities that I felt I was a part of. I miss the free concerts and guest speaker events.

[artsandlit]

Judging by a spectrum of recent Facebook status updates, a lot of wokeism seems to be about who, at least in the anemic, comparatively safe simulated reality of social media, can portray themselves as the most woke. Woker than thou. Boasting of one's progressive insights and diverse relationships. A recent update inquired who can say they have gay friends, for example. I rolled my eyes but refrained from calling them on it. Just a suggestion, but to make it less obvious, maybe just relate an entertaining anecdote about that friendship without clobbering us over the head with the leftist approved nature of it.

Anymore, I work, interact with family, enjoy time with my cats, and rest before going out to work some more. My friends as such are experienced virtually and I like people who are cool. If they're not cool, I don't like 'em. The majority of my in person interaction is giving rides. Gay, straight, various colors and genders. Drunk, high, sober. I like the ones who are cool and don't like the few who are not.

I was once very similar, I have no doubt. Back in those primitive days when woke might have been called enlightened, a word with an admittedly excessive number of syllables. Woke is so much quicker to say when you're busy fighting for justice from your smart phone or computer. 🦸‍♀️ Sometimes, perhaps, savaging innocent bystanders, but every war has collateral damage. (It's ironic when I'm branded a racist by a zealot because I question someone's politics, since according to blm all white people are already racist, anyway, including the, often as not, shrieking cracker who labels me a racist.)

Everyone needs to know how enlightened you are. And, rest assured, comrade, we'll be checking to make damned sure you're enlightened, too. It's not enough to be enlightened about the importance of evaluating people on a case by case basis. Because of course identity politics is all about shelving generalizations in favor of the individual. Not getting caught up in silly demographics. That's why the woke never dwell on irrelevant nonsense like skin color. Leave that to the in-brednecks.

On the one hand, woke ego diminishes the cause itself because the real focus seems to be chest beating about how superior you are. The politically correct subject becomes a trophy. "Look at me with my gay friend! See? I'm not one of them! See how woke I am?!" On the other, under the surface of that zealous bravado, it might serve the purpose of self preservation. "Don't shoot! I'm one of the good guys!" In that sense, perhaps there is some fear of the vigorous love and acceptance sweeping large segments of the population. As we all know, large excited, politically obsessed groups of people bring only peace to the world. Still, it may be in your best interest to pick a side and declare your loyalty. And anyone not on your side, well, you never know. Some may actually not be team players at all. 👋 But your safest bet is to call them an enemy, especially when your comrades are watching.

I propose a bronze statuette of King Kong beating his chest for The Wokie Awards, celebrating the most woke status updates throughout Facebook.

Stuff I need to vent in these stifling times🧼🛀

[glowingbadger]

Can I get some SFW and nsfw modern day Kaeya and Diluc stuff? Ty ty!

Damn I hadn't even thought about ModernAU Genshin before lol should be interesting- lesgoooo~

Side note- Genshin refuses to make actual sense of any of the ages of its characters, so I'm going with, like... mid-20's, semi-recently out of college for these two.

Kaeya, Diluc x GN Reader - ModernAU! headcanons

SFW (nsfw below the cut)

Kaeya:

- He's in law school, and has a real knack for discovering hilarious and exploitable legal loopholes. It's also a field that suits him for a number of reasons- it makes use of his infectious natural charm, and keeps him entertained with the 'stories' you happen upon working with people's legal and personal problems. He's also the best dressed in any of his classes, and in any given courtroom. Those who know luxury clothing when they see it can't help incredulously wondering how he affords his wardrobe while still technically a student.

- Kaeya is such a shitposter. He habitually 'likes' any and everything you post on any and all social media platforms- but he'll also comment "mmm who's that sexy thing" beneath the most innocuous images of you. He sends you dumb memes at concerning hours of the night- frequently while intoxicated, and especially when you've had a stressful day.

- As a partner, Kaeya is surprisingly loyal. His friends (and yours) will joke about him being a total slut, how you must have to keep him on such a short leash. He doesn't take offense to this though, and in a way, he gets a kick out of being perceived this way. But in truth, since he's been with you, he's never once considered anyone else. When you're alone together, there's a warmth in his gaze and a gentleness to his touch that no one else has ever seen.

- Everywhere Kaeya goes, he seems to "know a guy." He's always got an in- and an elaborate story of how he met this person and why they're, frankly, worryingly open to doing him favors. It's rare that a date with Kaeya goes by without you being offered free drinks, free desserts, a better seat at a restaurant or theatre, etc. Generally, when pressed, he'll wave a hand and say, "Babe come on, you know me- I just love making friends." Though you've heard whispers that some of his "friends" are just people who can't afford to be on his bad side.

Diluc:

- Was on track to become a police officer for some time, but it took barely a month from completing his training for him to become entirely disillusioned with the entire system. He quit (bluntly and forcefully, I might add) and now works as a P.I. His quietly thoughtful and serious nature puts clients at ease while allowing him to examine each case efficiently and effectively. I also figure we'd still carry over the "bartending at night" angle from the games- it's a great way to network and gain intel while undercover.

- His phone is basically a device for work, the news, and sometimes for contacting you, and absolutely nothing else. He hates the constant noise of social media, and refuses to jump on trends when things move too fast to get meaningfully invested in anything. Still, while he tries to angle his screen so you won't see it, he has set a picture of you as his wallpaper.

- Diluc loves the quiet, domestic side of your relationship. He treasures things like cooking together, cuddling on the couch with a movie, or even working on chores and projects together. He comes from money (though he doesn't talk about it much), so the more down to earth life that he's made with you is precious to him, and he appreciates all of the little moments that reaffirm your bond. That said, he does have an excellent memory for things like birthdays, anniversaries and such, and he is not shy about spending some cash on such occasions.

- Your friends all think he's super hot (and they're right), but are also a bit intimidated by him. Once, you tried showing them a sweet message he sent you drowning in heart emojis and they insisted that couldn't be him. Now there's a running joke in your friend group about your secret side-guy who leaves you nice voicemails when you've had a bad day and has flowers sent to your work- since they're convinced someone as serious and put-together as Diluc couldn't be your incredibly affectionate boyfriend.

NSFW 18+ v

Kaeya:

- Kaeya loves showing you off, especially in an outfit he bought just for you. It seriously turns him on to watch you over a nice dinner out wearing something a bit risque that he selected for you, noting the appreciative glances in your direction from others nearby, and knowing that you're his. The way his line of sight wanders your body all night makes it exceedingly clear that he can't wait to tear that lovely outfit off of you when he has you alone.

- Definitely the adventurous and experimental sort when it comes to kink, and he especially enjoys a bit of exhibitionism or semi-public fooling around. During a similar date night, with you looking so positively delicious across the table, he'll watch with a wolfish smirk as you squirm from the vibrations of a toy he pushed inside of you earlier that evening. He reclines in his seat and levels his gaze on you, saying, "My, darling, are you feeling alright? You look a bit flushed..." as his hand fiddles with the toy's remote. Then, once he gets you home or- even better -to a hotel, he'll press you against the window as he fucks you into panting, mindless bliss. Sometimes he doesn't even want to wait that long, and he'll find somewhere to park his car and fuck you in his back seat

- Kaeya has sending dick pics and lewd selfies down to an art. Seriously, his pictures are beautiful- of course helped by the fact that his body is gorgeous as well. Naturally, he loves to receive erotic images of you as well, and will save each and every one of them for "later use." If you're into it, he'll gladly send you a video of himself stroking his cock just for you, while describing every filthy thing he imagines doing to you in explicit detail.

Diluc:

- Generally speaking, Diluc wants to wine and dine you before the spicy business. He's a romantic at heart, and he wants you to know that he adores every part of you- and your body just happens to be one item on that list. He's not as obvious with his desires as some, but lingering gazes across the dinner table, or a hand at the small of your back trailing around your waist, all make his intentions clear. There's no doubt your lovely evening together will end with his strong body pressing you against his matress, his lips at your throat and your thighs clinging around his hips.

- He's generally fairly private about his sex life- not shy, per say, but insistent that your mutual pleasure is something for only the two of you. He's also not likely to sext or send lewd photos unless you really, really want them (and he's kind of adorably awkward about it at first even if he does try for you)- but if you tease him by sending him something naughty, his mind short circuits. His face burns crimson and he stops whatever he was doing and just stares at your beautiful body on the screen, as though he can already feel you in his hands.

- Diluc is a busy man, so there's likely to be stretches when the time and energy for sex simply isn't there. But once he's wrapped up a case and he finally has some time to breathe, you can bet he'll lift you into his arms and carry you to the bedroom the first chance he gets. You might even start to suspect that it's a way for him to vent his work stress when his thick cock pounds into you so nice and steady and deep- but you're certainly not about to complain, especially when you've been without him for so long.

[sungracd]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. ( REPOST DO NOT REBLOG ! )

✿  name :  kas which is short for kasumi which is what i’ve gone by since like forever.

✿  pronouns :  she/her

✿  preference of communication :  tumblr dms! i do have discord but i’m lazy and just like having everything in one spot so i’ll forget to check discord most of the time.

✿  name of muse(s) :  the fabulous adrian saint-clair ☆ i did have a multi once upon a time but i just never have the muse or energy nowadays.

✿  experience/how long (months/years?) :  now that i think about it, i guess since like middle school so around 17 years? which makes me feel so old wow- and i think i started out on the rp forums of neopets lol.

✿  platforms you’ve used :  aim, e-mail if that counts, gaiaonline, those invisionfree and proboards forums, roleplayer.me, and more recently aniroleplay and dreamwidth.

✿  best experience :  weeell usually i have a hard time choosing a best or favorite anything, but a memory that def still sticks with me is having this little rp friend group i chatted with daily and got to do group rps with! it was so much fun, especially for someone like me who’s really shy. 😊

✿  rp pet peeves / dealbreakers :  too much negativity. not the venting kind cause that’s only natural but like people that only have bad things to say? this is my fun and relaxing space so i like surrounding myself with positive vibes! that’s about all i can think of though.

✿  fluff, angst, or smut :  all of it! but mostly fluff and angst since i’m a little more picky with smut; it’s really only fun for me to write when there’s a lot of Emotions involved. fluff comes easiest for someone like adri but hurt/comfort does too tbh. i just really like having a nice balance of fluff and DRAMA ✨

✿  plots or memes :  normally i would say memes but maybe a mix of both? idk man, i like how convenient memes are and i like the spontaneity but sometimes they’re really hard for me to think up scenarios for. that’s why i say to spam me with like 20 options lol.

✿  long or short replies :  i prefer short but i’m probably more like an inbetweener? i just like to write what i feel is enough and it usually doesn’t get very long imo. i’d like to do more short & casual banters cause i feel like that would help with inspiration but idk, i guess it always ends up turning into something longer djskl.

✿  best time to write :  weirdly enough, right after i wake up. my theory is because that’s when my brain is the most refreshed and uncluttered.

✿  are you like your muse(s) :  we’re both air signs so in that sense there’s a few similarities in how we think and deal with emotions, but adrian is definitely way more positive and outgoing. i feel like wednesday addams compared to them lmao.

tagged by :  @yakshiaos ,  thank you !! hehe ♥ tagging :  @demonpunch ,  @ebonyforged ,  @fractempyreal ,  @felfruit ,  @svartr ,  @holyrisen ,  @gottgenug ,  @bitbrumal ,  @cruelset ,  @maugus ,  @electric-ecclectic ,  @mellodiies  and anyone who wants it !

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW: abuse ( physical, emotional ), dissociation, depersonalization and other things of those sorts Hey mods, hope life's treating y'all well. Ig I just need to vent and some validation is needed. I'm sorry this is so long. Context; The entirety of my step-family is just, plain abusive. Step-mom with BPD basically is enabled and excused from everything. She stopped going to therapy & meds because she believes she doesn't need them, when she clearly does and her episodes/outbursts are quite literally violent tantrums. Fam just accepts it bc I think they're all just desensitized to it all now. Tells everyone I'm ableist when I stand up against her abuse. One vague memory I have of when I realized when this was not normal was when a cousin's friend came over ( joint family ) and I had a black eye from being beaten. The friend asked me what had happened & I just replied I talked back. When she told me that her parents did not do that to her it kinda clicked that the things that were taking place don't usually happen to others. I think I was 12 around that time? Since stepmom takes her anger on almost everyone, whenever it's on my cousins, my step-sister especially, they're always coming to me to misplace it on me since I'm only assuming it's bc im not biologically related to them. All of us are around the same age group, 15-17. Step mom does never gets violent with them, she's just verbally abusive. For me it's a whole another story. It's like torture, only way I can describe it. However about 2 months ago my step sister & i got into a huge argument after she defended one of my step mom's violent meltdowns. This did not end up well & by the end I was just hurt pretty badly. My sister is an HS athlete so she's actually way huge than me. I don't remember what happened, but I was just fading in & out of consciousness by then. I'm at a friend's place now, for a while. Family won't tell me anything about what happened. Recently I've been having heavy dissociative episodes and whenever I do snap out I barely remember anything. And it's long, like hours. I'm think I just get triggered by the most minute things these days. My friend & her roommate have noticed this & tell me that I look very lost for long periods of time and my replies to anything are very dry. They know I have some situations at home but don't know of the abuse. They're concerned about me but I can't tell them anything. I simply cannot trust anyone with it considering CPS has failed me multiple times. I find it ironic that when you are in a trauma-fueling environment, all you want is for someone to see your suffering and end it. But when you're somehow away from it all you want is to isolate yourself bc of shame & nobody understanding how it feels. I'm once again so, so sorry this is so long, it might be a chore to read. Mods, I truly appreciate the work you do. Take care. - Suzue.

Hi Suzue,

As someone with BPD I think its important to understand that while BPD may influence her behavior it is ultimately independent of her BPD that she is abusive. Conflating untreated BPD with abusive tendencies is a stigma that BPD has along with other personality disorders. For someone to justify abusing others transcends mental illness, it is a choice one makes, generally speaking.

That being said, of course there are people out there who have BPD and are abusive at the same time, and unfortunately your stepmom is one of those people. It sounds like you may have symptoms of a dissociative or traumatic disorder as a result.

I understand not wanting to risk telling people, but I think that as long as you intimately trust the person you want to tell and explain to them how delicate the situation is, it may feel healing to hear a friend weigh in or offer validation or support. You definitely don't deserve to feel alone in this.

While your stepmom definitely needs to go back to therapy, I think you could use therapy as well. Of course it's not always accessible or affordable, but someone who knows what they're talking about can use their professional-level knowledge to help you manage your dissociation and potential trauma. I think you deserve the help and the space you need to heal from this.

I hope I could help. We're here for you if you need anything.

-Bun

[tobiosmilktea]

(3)—and so they’ve never really had convo’s unless they get invited to hang out w/ their mutual friends. so maybe it makes them think if they’ve done anything wrong to her, but in reality it’s just her way of coping when she starts to genuinely like someone? so if she avoids them, she thinks it will get rid of her crush on them? it’s your choice if it’s the reader or the guy that’ll confess! ☺️ anyways, god bless and i hope you have a good day xx

on avoiding your crush with oikawa, kuroo, akaashi, and terushima

a/n: ngl this one is kinda long that’s why it took a while to post, but i like spoiling you guys so enjoy :))

— o. tooru

you were never really the type to confess your feelings to someone as not doing anything about your feelings and forgetting them is much easier that having to suffer the consequences of rejection or heartbreak

this was especially prevalent when the boy you’re literally head over heels for is in fact none other than the golden boy of seijoh himself, oikawa tooru

homeboy has a literal entourage of girls following around all the time

they literally give him sweet little gifts like baked goods and cute little knickknacks, not to mention a lot of them are super pretty and attractive

like how the hell could you compete with that many girls ??

not to mention you had always come to believe that oikawa was into more outspoken and lively girls granted his own personality

that dynamic of you being the quiet one in the relationship with him being the loud one was something you thought oikawa wasn’t looking for,, it honestly made you want to give up your feelings for him completely

mind you, you literally CANNOT escape this man

not only was he talked about a lot among your classmates, but by some form of sheer luck and faith, you two were both in the same friend group

you honestly had no idea how the hell you were part of it in the first place, but during first year you just magically became part of this friend group composed of oikawa, iwaizumi, mattsukawa, and a couple of other girls from your year

anyone that attended seijoh with half a brain cell would know that the friend group you were in was definitely the popular crowd

you couldn’t help but feel some sort of impostor syndrome as you weren’t exactly the most popular, if anything people only knew you as the quiet girl in oikawa’s group

that definitely didn’t mean that anyone in your circle was rude to you in any way

everyone in your friend group would literally die for you as you’re genuinely the sweetest person they have ever met

like if they hear anyone talk shit about you, they’re immediately #protecty/n2020 !!

yet despite being in the same circle of friends, you and oikawa rarely talk. hell, you guys are barely considered acquaintances let alone friends

you liked to stick around the girls of the group more as the only guy you actually talked to in your circle was iwaizumi and that was it

this obviously led oikawa to believe that he had done something to you that made you avoid him at all costs

the thing is, he always had this problem with since the start of your first year together, but recently it had been affecting him more than he had thought considering he would’ve been used to it by now in his third year

perhaps it was the way he would watch you giggle at something matsukawa whispered in your ear, or the fact that you literally had a secret handshake with iwaizumi, or often shared some of the snacks you bought with your girl friend but did absolutely nothing with him

it irked him to his very core that the one he had always was the most found with in his group of friends was someone who avoided him at all costs

he would spend his breaks during practice to exasperatedly vent to iwaizumi about how adorable your laugh was and how envious he was that he couldn’t make you laugh

or how whenever you would sometimes greet iwaizumi with a hug but completely pass by him would literally make him chase after you

“Y/N!! where’s my hug??” 

yeah he’s that type of guy, but in a good way tho lmao

and in the midst of oikawa telling his best friend how much he just wanted to be your friend made iwaizumi roll his eyes

“the way you talk about (y/n) makes it sound like you like her,” he would mutter nonchalantly as he sipped at his water bottle

iwaizumi would flicker his gaze towards oikawa to see the capillaries in his cheeks literally burst, tinting his cheeks all pink 

he had to stop himself from snorting out a laugh as iwa may or may not have known about your crush on seijoh’s golden boy himself

the way he had find out was pretty simple considering you and iwa were walking side by side near the back of the group as they were walking towards somewhere to eat

the girls and mattsun in the front were too busy teasing oikawa, that they weren’t really paying attention to you and iwa lagging behind

“you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but why do you avoid him?” iwaizumi asked gently. as he was the only guy in the group that you trusted, he didn’t want to ruin it by forcing an answer out of you knowing how you were

immediately, your cheeks heated you lowered your voice down into a mere whisper. “promise me you won’t tell anyone,” iwa nodded before bringing his ear down so you could whisper in his ear. “i really like oikawa and...” you paused, almost hesitating and you don’t exactly know why

but fortunately, iwa was super patient with you like he’s literally a homie

“and?”

“i’ve liked him since our first year and i figured avoiding him would make me lose feelings. but the thing is, it’s been three years and i still like that idiot.” you sighed, and yet for once you didn’t expect the worst as you knew you could trust iwa with valuable information like that

he nods, pinching his pointer finger and his thumb together before pretending to lock his lips. “you’re secret safe with me, (y/n).”

so here iwa was now, attempting to provoke something in oikawa 

it was then the coach had blown the whistle, signalling that break time was over and they had to get back on court for their last practice game

oikawa cleared his throat as they stood up, flickering a look towards his best friend as he suddenly remembered the times he felt envious of him. “what if i do like (y/n)?”

iwaizumi feigned a smirk on his lips, “then confess to her before i do.” (he wasn’t actually going to lol)

and lemme tell you sumn, even though this was just a practice game, oikawa played as if his life depended on it

as if having you depended on it

and per usual, oikawa’s team won in the end and every day after volleyball practice, you and the rest of the girls would walk in and wait for the rest of the boys to get ready so you can all get food

there you were in all your glory, you hair blew gently behind you due to the air conditioned gym. you were waiting patiently and you definitely didn’t mind waiting as the boys had to clean up after themselves, but you swore you had never seen oikawa clean up faster in his life

once the vb team finished and your circle of friends were on your way out of school, oikawa purposely lagged behind the group as he stood next to you to your surprise

he was usually leading the group, but for once he was at the end with you. giving you a smile, to which you quickly avoided, oikawa quickly rested his hand around you

“hey (y/n)?” he says as you try your best to hide the sudden onset of heat rising to your cheeks

“hm?” you hummed, attempting to not give much of a reaction. maybe then he would leave you alone and your feelings for him would finally disappear

oikawa brought his lips to your ear, “do you know how long i’ve liked you?”

and immediately you froze, forcing oikawa to stop walking too and making the gap between you and the rest of the group to widen. you shake the thought out of your head, he’s probably playing around, you thought before continuing down the road

“shut it, oikawa.” you pulled yourself out of his grasp only to be pulled back in by him

“i’m serious, (y/n). i’ve liked you for a while now and it’s been absolute torture seeing you be closer to iwa and mattsun rather than me.” muttered oikawa, almost feeling embarrassed himself despite experiencing many confessions himself

perhaps maybe this time he was the one confessing and not the other way around

— k. tetsurou

where do i even start with this man

there was something always so compelling about kuroo, that you really couldn’t resist his good looks and to how kind he treated you

granted, you were the manager for nekoma’s volleyball team so maybe it was a given, but there is no denying the fact that you were irrevocably head over heels for the captain

your feelings for him initially formed in the middle of your first year at nekoma and the volleyball team’s manager was already in their last yer and preparing to leave so they needed a replacement

at first you said no, but kuroo, who was also a first year and in the same class as you literally begged for you to join. he mentioned how fun it would be, especially with him around

from the way your heart bounded in place within the confines of your ribs, to the way your cheeks often heated up whenever you were around him, even kenma (who you didn’t even meet until your second year) had already seen through you

fortunately, kenma was always the kind to mind his own business and stay in his lane. in fact, he had actually been a big help in you vying for kuroo’s attention but you both eventually got tired of how daft the captain had been

instead, you aimed to just avoid kuroo as much as possible for the time being, perhaps your feelings for him from the past three years would finally disappear and you can finally move on with your life

but it was safe to say you were not anticipating how hard it was going to be

not only were the nekoma’s volleyball manager and had to interact with the captain, you and kenma were also close friends. and when it comes to being friends with kenma, kuroo is more or less with him as well which made it inevitably more difficult

momma didn’t raise no bitch tho, so you powered through and avoided kuroo as best as you could and only talked to him if it involved school or volleyball

this was technically the worst form of silent treatment where it wasn’t full on ignoring (which honestly isn’t that bad cause you tended to forget about the person anyway) but this kind of silent treatment where you are constantly reminded of it because you had to talk once in a while was literally killing kuroo slowly

he was always a social person and usually respected and didn’t mind those who wanted to distance themselves from him, but once it came from you, it was literally game over

he believed that you were the second closest person to him besides kenma (and excluding the rest of the vb team) and the fact that you don’t even like making eye contact with him makes him feel dejected

especially when your actions really came abrupt as one day you were laughing and hanging out with him to giving him the cold shoulder and only talking to kenma

kuroo genuinely thought he had done something to you 

eventually, after volleyball practice where everyone had to clean up, he would deliberately slowed down and waited until you and him were the last ones in the gymnasium

“(y/n),” he called out to you as you finished putting all the stray balls into it’s respective basket

your eyes widened into saucers as your pulse suddenly increased, turning around to face the tall captain, you had to force a mellow look upon your face

he held the net in his hands, “could you help me with this?”

you didn’t even mutter a response as you only nodded. you hated how you had to act so cold to him, but it was what you had to do in order to leave your feelings for him behind

your train of thought went like this: it was only a couple months before your third year ended anyway, might as well forget about him

walking past the captain, you bent down and grabbed the other end of the net and you two began folding it in quietly

kuroo was going to spark a conversation, but he surprisingly found that silence blanketing you two to be comforting. he couldn’t take his eyes off of you each and every time the net had gotten shorter and shorter

eventually you two met in the middle, your eyes were directly looking at his broad chest you had hesitantly flickering a glance up at him

“stop ignoring me,” kuroo said in almost a harsh whisper

your cheeks flared red as you looked away shyly, pulling the net along with you and out of his hands. “i’m not ignoring you.”

“yes, you are.” he presses, “we were fine before, but now you don’t even talk to me anymore... did i do something wrong?”

you couldn’t help but notice that slight hurt in his serious tone that made you look back to him. your eyebrows furrow as suddenly your throat felt incredibly dry

“you didn’t do anything wrong,” you answered while kuroo approached you closer

“then what is it?” he scoffs dejectedly, placing his hands on his hips as he searched your expression for any answer. it was then his eyes widened larger than ever as he felt the rhythm of his heart quicken, “holy shit,” he sighed, “did you find out?”

confusion melted over your visage as you looked up at him, “find out what?”

“lev and yaku probably told you didn’t they?”

you were still not following, “told me what?”

“that i like you!” he exclaimed, his sudden confess echoing throughout the empty gym as everything went silent. the only sound surrounding you two was the air conditioning circulating around you two as you were completely frozen in place

you mouth ran slightly agape and undeniably speechless at the mere fact that that just happened. you certainly weren’t expecting it as your cheeks heated up for the umpteenth time, you swore they were never going to be given a break anytime soon.

meanwhile, whilst you were in a state of utter shock, the worst was spiraling inside kuroo psyche. with how long the silence fell upon you two, he couldn’t help but to feel that you were just thinking of a nice way to reject him

“look (y/n), i--” he was immediately cut off by you throwing a light punch to his chest, your eyes had fallen to the floor to hide the burning red sensation tinting your ears and cheeks

“i like you too, idiot.” you mutter, almost feeling a shiver down your spine as kuroo held your hand that was on his chest. “why do you think i was avoiding you for so long?”

— a. keiji

as i’ve mentioned in previous headcanons, homeboy is BLUNT

and he would definitely call you out on your shit with avoiding him and all

despite being on the quieter side, he does like conversing with other people with his amiable witticisms and classical one-liners whenever he would pop into a conversation

usually people (specifically ones he’s not entirely close to) would get annoyed by this, which is why he’s quiet in the first place. but when he first met you, you played off of his words. for once, akaashi was surprised by this and was immediately compelled by you

meanwhile, you were good friends with bokuto, which was the only reason why you had gotten to know the setter in the first place. you were well aware that he was bo’s best friend and was genuinely surprised how nuanced the pair was

eventually, you had come to take a liking for the boy as he was always quiet and a bit mysterious, yet whenever he talked it would always make you laugh or melt a smirk on your face

you were a year older and in the same year as bokuto, so to you it always seemed a bit weird to date someone younger than you. you always pined yourself as someone who would rather date older guys or someone around your age, but this was definitely an exception

however, you definitely didn’t like the idea of perhaps confessing to akaashi and then leaving in a couple months for college. it honestly seemed like a waste of time to get into a relationship especially in this time of the school year, so had decided to do something you had always done:

avoid your feelings until they disappear into oblivion

it would make things easier on both of your parts anyway, you were in your last year of high school and on your way to college while akaashi had the possibility of taking over the captain spot next year and had to focus on his final year

besides, despite knowing him for a good two years, you could never tell whether or not he liked you (even as a friend)

so here you were, acting suspiciously cold and avoiding your underclassman who, for once, is vying for you attention and you aren’t even noticing

whenever you were around bokuto, akaashi would purposely try to be in the conversation more and maybe even try to stand closer to you than before. he would often ignore the slight aching jealousy in his gut whenever you and bokuto messed around during lunch

honestly, homie doesn’t even know he has feelings for you and just simply thinks he did something wrong that you don’t want to interact with him anymore

he eventually went to bokuto about it, “does (y/n) hate me?”

and perhaps his best friend had to feign laughing right in akaashi’s face at this, “why would you think that?”

“well, she’s avoiding me and i don’t like it.”

one of bokuto’s eyebrows lift as he gave akaashi a look, “why don’t you ask her yourself?”

the setter sighs, “but she’s an upper--”

“since when were you scared of third years?” the alabaster haired boy chuckles, “c’mon akaashi, you’re a big boy now. deal with that yourself.”

the second year grumbles as he pushing himself off his chair, “fine.” he mutters as he made his way out of bo’s classroom and towards the courtyard where you sometimes hung out during lunch

he immediately spotted your figure talking among other third year girls, eyes never leaving you as he made his way over.

“excuse me, can i borrow (y/n) for a minute?” he asked, his height looming over you and the others as they gave you a look.

a sigh left your lips as you excused yourself and went with akaashi. you didn’t bother speaking to him as you simply just followed him into an empty hallway

“do you know how rude it is to ignore people, senpai?” he starts, provocation lacing his words as you gave him a look. he was well aware of the fact that you lowkey didn’t like being called senpai, so he was definitely saying just to get you riled up

“eh,” you shrug, trying to act nonchalant as possible. “it depends on who and why you’re ignoring them.”

“why are you ignoring me then?” he interrogates you.

and you weren’t entirely sure if it was his height towering over you or the way his words were leaving your mouth that made your heart skip a beat, you had almost forgot his was your kouhai

“because.”

akaashi peered his eyes at how sus you were being, “because??”

you sigh, ripping your eyes away from him as you thought to yourself briefly. you definitely couldn’t continue looking at him as each beat that passes you felt the rhythm of your heart quicken. was he really affecting you this much?

you considered this: you were in the your last and final year with the possibility of not seeing akaashi ever again once you graduate. despite it being a bit bittersweet, telling him your feelings would possibly lift some weight off your shoulders and you didn’t have to worry about it anymore

looking back at him, you swallowed your pride. fuck it

“because i have feelings for you and i’m trying to forget them,” you confess quickly as your arms braided over each other, watching as akaashi’s expression morphed into surprise and almost a mere confusion

“y-you like me?” he asks for a confirmation to which to nod and watch his cheeks and his ears burst into shades of pink and red blush

perhaps you found yourself blushing too with how adorable he was as he cleared his throat to regain his composure

“why were you trying to forget them?” there was a hint of hesitance in his voice as he asked, almost to afraid to know the reason.

bittersweetness suddenly coursed through your veins as you sigh, “i’m going to graduate in a few months, akaashi... i’m going to go away for college while you’re still going to be here and i’m not sure if we’re actually going to see each other again.”

“we can if we tried,” he mutters quietly as there was still an inch of hope within him. “we can still make it work.”

“you think so?”

“i know so.”

— t. yuuji

you had now idea how the hell you had come to like someone like terushima yuuji

not only was he incredibly loud and a bit childish in nature, he was an absolute fuckboy

it should’ve been a big enough turn off, but perhaps you somehow liked how he would remember the little things whenever he would annoy the shit out of you everyday

like how you always got melon buns for lunch, he would always buy you one before you even had the chance. or how he knew your favorite subject was math, despite you never mentioning to him. or how he knew that there was always a kick in your step whenever you were in a good mood.

despite his persistent nature is more likely to come off as arrogant and annoying, sometimes his assertiveness comes to be beneficial at times

like that one time you were walking home during the night and a pair of creepy older dudes kept asking you for your number, terushima (who was also going home after volleyball practice) had come to help you

his persistence in making sure the guys left you alone had worked and perhaps the way he wrapped his arm around you protectively had your heart pumping faster than you anticipated

that was when you had finally come to the conclusion that you had feelings for some fuckboy name terushima yuuji, who literally annoyed you to your core

knowing damn well that terushima wasn’t going anywhere, you figured that if you avoided him enough, that your feelings for him would eventually go away

you supposed it was because of his usual nature, constantly flirting around with other girls before eventually getting bored of them. it then rang into your head, wondering when terushima would eventually get bored of you

perhaps there was an aching his your heart when you thought about it, but in your brain you wished for him to forget about you. if anything, it would’ve made loosing your feelings for the blond boy to go away easier

your avoidance and lack of interaction with terushima definitely did not unnoticed by him. if anything, it made him want to talk to you more

he would literally shower you with melon buns and snacks during lunch, to which you would politely decline and walk away from him. he would greet you everyday in the mornings, to which you would simply flicker him a look before brushing past him

for once, terushima felt challenged when it came it you and only fueled his yearning to get back to that stage of comfortably throwing his arm over your shoulder

it even got to the point of you ignoring him enough that you started talking to another guy in your class, with how comfortable you are with the new dude as you were playfully handsy and giggled loudly at his jokes

perhaps he felt a bit jealous that someone else was making you act like. terushima wanted that to be him

it was like a wave of emotions had tumbled over him as he saw you and the boy walking with a group of others in front of him. he swiftly caught up and pulled you away from the group fast enough that they didn’t notice

“terushima?” you said breathlessly

“i like you, (y/n).” he went straight to the point. there was no reason to beat around the bush any longer as you and him were finally alone together and he didn’t know whether he would have this chance ever again, “i like you a lot, so stop ignoring me.”

“y-you like me?” you repeat, you eyebrows suddenly furrowing. “is this a joke?”

homie couldn’t help but notice the slight worry lacing your voice, as if he wasn’t serious and just playing you. he was well away of his reputation and certainly did not want it to get in the way of you and him. 

“i’m serious.” he reassures, “there’s a reason why you’re the only one i haven’t gotten bored of.”

[unpopularly-opinionated]

I don’t play WoW but I used to play Overwatch and Diablo and this touches on just the general issues that are inside of Activision Blizzard right now regarding the major decline of World of Warcraft and how they’re losing to Final Fantasy XIV, how if the latest WoW expansion or Overwatch 2 flop as they’re projected to do then Blizzard’s most definitely going to pivot almost entirely to mobile games, and how the differences in age demographics are actually dividing the company into multiple camps.

It’s important to note two things: 1) this could be fake but also 2) the link came from Grummz, a former team lead on WoW and producer on Diablo II and Starcraft. It still could be fake despite this, but if he’s sharing it then I feel like there’s at least some measure of truth in this.

Transcription below in case this gets deleted and/or you don’t wanna click the link. Warning, it’s fairly long.

“I’m dropping this here after getting chewed out for three hours over shit the chewee did at work so fuck it. Assume larp and let me vent.”

>Shadowlands is a shitshow. Critical response, Player drop off and just about every engagement metric outside of cash shop have been catastrophic. No higher up expected this because of their “we are too big to fail, if we built it they will come” mentality. They refuse to accept their focus on the world being a begrudged mechanic to funnel players to raiding is not appealing to the player base at large because it appeals to them. They have spent the last 4 months trying to course correct but there is no solid direction and the response to 9.1 has only made things worse.

>Sylvanas is planned to replace the Arbiter despite so many people in the company and god knows how many online saying this would be a total replication of Kerrigans storyline in Starcraft 2 that killed none competitive interest in the brand entirely and you can only go “no, no they WILL like it eventually” for so many real world years before its time to change course. Thus far that has not happened.

>The elephant in the room is FFXIV. To the people in charge they are acting like this came out of nowhere and don’t even seem to understand why its drawing players away in their tens of thousands. We have all tried to highlight things it is doing that are clearly appealing to an mmo audience and not, in my opinion, focussing more on mobile game style retention traps to keep MAU users and habit forming personalities logging in. Its not that they don’t care. They just seem so pig headed and digging their heels in with their fingers in their ears thinking all the problems will go away because WoW is “too big to fail”, there will never be real competition and “they will keep coming back”. But they aren’t coming back anymore. Not in the numbers they used to.

>The people making the spending choices know this. The new model for WoW is market the hell out of a expansion pack for a huge quarter then use 6 month lock ins to pad numbers for the quarters after that. Even if corona had not happened 9.1 still would have been dropping after the initial 6 month subs expired to “keep the chain holding”.

>The mood in the company is tense but also very much “its just a rough transition period”. Activision has been pushing hard for Blizzard to release more regular product and to generate more income per user. As far as i know this is going to be a transition over the next 5 years to a much larger mobile/tablet gaming focus. By all accounts not just WoW but Overwatch was intended to be the moneymaker in the interim but once again someone had the bright idea to kill a game casual players loved on the alter of e-sports hoping for another Brood War. From what i hear the “told you so’s” were loud and a lot of people walked beyond Kaplan.

>The sentiment that was shared quietly in private but being spoken more often is simply that the leadership at Blizzard are not bad people, nor incompetent people but people who had to fill seats left when the old guard jumped ship wether they were suited for it or not. Brack is a genuinely good man out of his depth, Ion is a fantastic raid designer put in charge of designing a virtual world he has no interest or real ideas for and so on. They have been taking form the roles they excel at to be put in positions where they get to do far less of that purely because there is nobody left with the experience to do so and the trickle down is a lack of concrete direction, ambition and focus.

>2021 has seen the playerbase, media and gaming at large “turn” on WoW to a degree i don’t think the leads in their “positivity dojo” bubble considered possible. Its gone from people going “This is how Blizz needs to fix WoW!” to “WoW is no longer salvageable, time for greener pastures” and i think on some level this was never considered as a possibility so there have never been any major plans beyond the usual “try and minimise player drop off by arranging releases around competitors launching updates/products”. The official forums being filled with talk of FFXIV and worse “why do we actually pay a sub?” hasn’t helped.

>There have been some testing the waters lately from certain higher ups if we can remove the line “No King Rules Forever”. Read into that what you will.

>There are still arguments going on about the Kael’thas Voice actor shitshow. I don’t know much about it but i know its heated, wouldn’t be the first time a knee jerk reaction only seemed to generate bad press. We lost a noticeable amount of pvp engagement after the Swifty thing.

>The Preach interview was treated as a disaster and there was talk of more strongly vetting interviewers for “bad actors” and only engaging with a list of questions Blizzard provides. Some pointed out that could just be used to create some form of Fireside Chat akin to the FFXIV “Live letters” but that fell on deaf ears.

>The two sentiments right now among the team are either “we really need a win” or “theres a dedicated cabal of internet trolls out to kill WoW”. Right now we are crunching hard to get 9.2 ready to wrap up the jailors storyline so we can get an expansion out early 2022. If that doesn’t happen there are talks of major shakeups coming down from Activision that have been threatened for a few  years now. Its an all hands on deck feeling thats been around to some degree since the “Is this an out of season April Fools Joke” Blizzcon. A make or break deadline is coming closer and things like Diablo 4 were not planned before then. Blizzard needs a significant win not just in initial profit but consumer goodwill. Nobody likes working at what the public now seems to see as “the bad guy” of the mmo industry.

>This has also made new hires decline. Not significantly but the “you WANT Blizzard on your resume” line doesn’t seem to have the appeal it used to. This has lead to more hiring via friend of a friend, to some rumblings about nepotism, and people severely lacking in experience “because they get great twitter optics”.

>On the topic of Twitter we are not being told to “disengage” from it. Multiple employees like Nervig and Holisky publicly attacking paying customers because they got too heated and couldn’t keep quiet is bad press that could have been avoided. A email reminder has gone around more than once lately stating “if you are not customer relations you should not be representing the company to customers, especially if you cannot remain professional”.

>Lastly the biggest elephant in the room is “yo’ boy” Asmongold. The newer hires cannot stand him. They have used terms like “toxic masculinity” and “dogwhistles to dangerous males” while some of the oldest crowd still remaining have called him “based” or “telling it like it is” which has lead to friction to put it mildly. People are told not to talk about him and the recent FFXIV stuff only made it all worse. The idea that an outside element can have such an effect on the product genuinely upsets people. Like Zach is engaging in some malicious act of cyberwarfare. Many of us have point out the now famous quotes by Naoki Yoshida about understanding that players will drift and we need to make something worth coming back to because they want to but some people for lack of a better word see out customers -or “consumers” as they refer to them nowadays- as some kind of antagonistic relationship where the goal is not being an entertainer putting on a show for a crowd but some kind of game hunter trying to trap a large, profitable kill. I wish i could blame Activision but this is a sentiment from more of the younger crowd than the “tech boomers”. Which personal opinion is probably why so many folks like Metzen and Morheim left.

>Before you ask, yes the topic of “wokeness” has shown up in group talks. Its not all some grand sjw conspiracy, people really do want to feel welcome and represented. However the “we need everything veto’ed by people not working on it to see if its inoffensive and bland enough” rubs some of us the wrong way. Like anything in life you can take something too far and lose sight of the core ideals and with everything gone on since Blitzchung it feels like people are forming little factions to pull people in different directions to decide “What Blizzards identity is now” and how to appeal to new players. There has been some drop offs with “go woke go broke” as the only answer in the survey when unsubbing but honestly we are losing subs in unforseen numbers anyway and still making more money than ever through cash shop “heavy users” so it honestly doesn’t make an impact.

>All in all things are rough right now. Blizzard doesn’t have the love of the customers anymore, is no longer treated as an industry giant and while D4,D2R and Immortal aren’t going to kill Diablo even if they fail the sentiment for World of Warcraft and Overwatch 2 are a lot more tense and stressful. The phrase “it might be good to brush up on your mobile development portfolio if we get another underperformer” has been doing the rounds a lot. If Shadowlands continues its stark decline and Overwatch 2 is looking to underperform like its current projections suggest i think the Blizzard of a few years from now will be imitating King a lot more than trying to learn any lessons from Square Enix’s mmo division.

[my-writings-and-musings]

I have another lovely commission to share! This one is a sequel to the last, with the Brave Police spending more time on the Lost Light to answer questions, and it's just as precious in my opinion!

"Now, now, there's room for everyone. Single file please!"

Ultra Magnus thankfully had ample experience and skill getting his voice to fill the entire classroom, and so the crowd was able to take their seats in a mostly organized fashion at last, filling up the entire room from back to front in short order. Scarcely a single bot on the ship wasn't present for the day's presentation, and one glance at the tightly packed rows of tables made that obvious. No one wanted to miss the long awaited event.

At the head of the classroom, Ultra Magnus murmured about the ill manners being displayed to their guests before nodding at the bots in question. Sitting in their own row at the raised stage, the Brave Police looked like a full representation of all the reactions possible for the center of attention. Some were happy, others flustered, and a few quite casual about all the fuss. Deckerd, ever the responsible leader, held his small collection of notes tightly as he nodded in return to the much bigger bot. Rodimus took that as his cue to hop on stage.

With a single whistle, the captain reduced the fog of chatter to absolute silence, something he took with a proud smile before speaking. 

"Alright, everybot, you know the drill! The Brave Police have been kind enough to agree to this little Q and A panel, so let's show them the proper courtesy while they're up here." he announced happily, looking about the crowd and lingering his optics on a few potentially troublesome bots in particular. Making sure to use his Captain voice, he leveled a serious look at each as he issued his warning. "That means no talking unless you get called, and no hogging the mic when it's your turn."

"Discipline will be administered if anyone breaks these rules." Ultra Magnus said, finalizing the warning with an undeniably serious threat. Beyond a few nervous glances, the room remained frozen in total silence after the big bot went back to his dutiful watch. No one present would dare risk incurring the wrath of Ultra Magnus, not even for the questions that they wanted answered more than anything. 

"Sooo…" Rodimus interjected, taking back the stage briefly to try and bring some life back into the event. Gesturing to the main guests, he gave the best parting warm up he could before stepping off the stage. "Without further ado, I'm going to give the show over to them. All yours, Deckerd!"

Clearing his throat politely, the police cruiser stood up on his spot, briefly taking hold of the rim on his hat-like helm accent as he often did when nervous. Taking hold of his notes, he spoke up with the somewhat ineffectual tone of a practiced but uncom public speaker.

"To start, we would all like to offer our thanks! For everything you've done, and for allowing us this opportunity, you have our deepest gratitude." the well mannered bot said humbly, briefly glancing at Rodimus for a flash of pointed thanks before returning to his notes. The captain couldn't help but puff up a little, quite proud of his suggestion all over again, but he was otherwise still and silent as he watched. 

"Now, I understand you have many questions, and we are happy to answer them as a group or individuals." he explained, looking to his teammates for group confirmation. Each gave some form of assent, ranging from Duke's proper and stiff nod to Gunmax putting his pedes on the table with a vague gesture of agreement. Deckerd merely narrowed his optics for an instant before returning his smile to the crowd. "Through the system, I will begin the process of selection!"

A button on the desk, intended as a method of selecting students to answer questions, was activated. Every bot froze in anticipation that they might be selected first, with each hoping they might be the lucky winner. Magnus had mandated the algorithm select at random to prevent any cries of unfair choice for good reason…

So of course it was quite fitting that Whirl of all bots get the first question.

A group groan was cut off by another Magnus stare, yet the orderly mech was clearly beyond apprehensive at the possible chaos about to unfold. Uncaring of the tension his selection created for the crew, Whirl merely cleared his vents and stood up with obvious purpose, having planned his potential query well in advance of the moment. Looking to the bots on stage, his optic betrayed little emotion as he spoke. "So uh, were you guys actually built by humans? From scratch? Processor and all?"

There was an immediate cringe amongst the entire crew, as the question was immeasurably rude by Cybertronian standards, but the Brave Police didn't flinch. 

"Yes!" Deckerd replied happily, completely unaffected by the cultural faux pas he'd just had directed his way. "Each of us was constructed by the Japanese police force, starting with myself."

"Except for Duke, he was made by the Scotland Yard." McCrane specified, drawing attention to the brightly colored and reserved mech at the end. The attention actually seemed to fluster Duke, who flashed an expression of surprise to be singled out before dropping his gaze and quietly confirming the fact.

"That is correct."

There was a moment of mixed murmuring amongst the crowd, with Whirl looking satisfied to have gotten his answer along with getting the ball rolling, and he sat down to allow the next bot a turn. It took just as little time for the next selection to occur as the first. 

"How recently was that, exactly?" Swerve said, looking confused but happy to be the central figure of the moment. It was a much less disrespectful question by Cybertronian standards than the first, and the bots on stage appeared equally content to answer it.

"As of this date, it has been four years and five months since my activation." Deckerd replied casually, unintentionally sending a wave of disbelief through the entire room. This mature, well rounded bot was barely more than a protoform?! 

"We were constructed seven months later." McCrane said, speaking for the Build Team with a gesture that only deepened the shock in the room. Deckerd was young even by human standards, yet he was still the oldest one on the team? How young was the newest among them?

"Shadow Maru was next, by about a year, then six months later I joined up!" Drill Boy declared loudly, loving the surprise each answer drew from the crowd. Gunmax, equally a fan of stirring things up, smirked confidently as he leaned back in his chair. 

"I haven't even been kicking around for a year." he declared smugly, adding to the shock of the bots several times over. Sure, Cybertronians were ready to go in mere hours, but no one had been born in so long… to be confronted by a mechanical being so young was nearly unfathomable. Not to mention that the oldest among them was still so inexperienced! A fresh wave of hushed gossip washed over those assembled, only to fade out into silent anticipation as the next opportunity for a question presented itself.

"What kind of criminals are you fighting? Most of the time, anyway." a bot in back asked, making the Brave Police perk up as a group. Like anyone, the opportunity to retell their adventures was hardly one they'd ever pass up, and even the humble Deckerd was a little boastful as he set up their panel to reply.

"Our division is uniquely suited to handle threats too powerful for humans to safely combat. The criminals we face have a multitude of motives, and it is not uncommon for us to face creatures designed to cause maximum destruction. I will allow my team to recount some of these events in greater detail." he said, opening up the discussion with a smile and a nod. There was a shift in the classroom as if every being leaned forward at once in anticipation.

"The underground bug people were my first mission!" Drill Boy announced proudly, unintentionally creating far more questions than he could have ever hoped to answer in a single sentence. Gobsmacked expressions were shared all through the crew, even by Ultra Magnus and Rodimus at the front. While they'd figured their new friends got into some wild adventures, like themselves, there was clearly so much more to the group than they'd let on… 

"There was a giant moth one time." Dumpson recalled thoughtfully, only adding fuel to the fire with his calm expression of thoughtful recollection.

"Don't forget the giant panda." McCrane said helpfully, the tiniest hint of a smile hinting that he was perfectly well aware of the reactions they were getting. Rodimus had to admire the skillful stirring of the pot. Some bots were taking notes now, especially as the list continued to grow and the Brave Police grew no less unpredictable in their retellings. Brief tidbits about mind control, ghosts, aliens and cults were undoubtedly going to spawn some incredible conversations at Swerve's later on.

Drill Boy finished the segment with a beaming smile. "Without the Boss, I don't think we'd have been able to catch that brainwashing nun!"

While every single adventure would have probably called for a panel of questions in its own right, that statement alone made for an excellent segway into something every single Lost Light bot had been curious about, and the moment the next bot was selected they said what everyone was thinking. "Who's this "Boss" we keep hearing about? Are they a bot like you?"

"Our Boss Yuuta Tomonaga is a human boy, and the first being I ever met. He became my first and most trusted companion." Deckerd replied, smiling affectionately at the description. It had been clear from the onset he cared deeply for his mysterious "Boss", yet most had assumed them to be something like an Amica, or perhaps an older mentor bot. To hear they were a human, and one that sounded exceptionally young at that…? Deckerd recognized the confusion, and while obviously a little bashful to be so open, he was more than happy to talk about the achievements of his dearest friend. "I owe him my life, several times over."

"Many of us have gained human friendships." Power Joe said helpfully, taking some of the pressure off their leader and bringing the attention to himself. Not missing the opportunity to brag, he gestured proudly to himself. "I've befriended many of Yuuta's classmates, they see me as a superhero!"

"Yuuta's sisters are compatriots of mine." Shadow Maru said in a polite and subtle one up, setting the stage for the others to continue naming their friends. 

"Hmph, I'm the only one besides Deckerd to have called Yuuta by his first name." Drill Boy bragged.

"Colonel Seia has taught me much through our professional relationship." McCrane said calmly, returning the focus to one of individual bonds over boasting. Unfortunately, Dumpson chuckled and quickly took aim at the comment.

"Are you sure it's entirely professional?"

McCrane froze for a second, optics widening and face flushing, before he calmly folded his hands on the table and replied. "I could say the same of you and Ayako."

"I suppose Shunsuke and I get along okay." Gunmax said somewhat dismissively, cutting off Dumpson before he could stammer out something he'd regret. The fact that every bot seemed to have a complex and long standing relationship with humans was quite the surprise to many crewmembers, especially those who only knew the species from second hand accounts. The Brave Police weren't too different from Cybertronians, so if they could find friends amongst Earth's inhabitants, maybe it was possible for everyone? More than a few of those in the audience were considering visiting to see for themselves when the attention turned to the only member who hadn't given an answer. 

Lowering his helm to hide his optics from view, Duke appeared to be blushing as he spoke into his microphone, his volume barely more than a murmur as he did so.

"My Lady, Regina, is very important to me…"

While the statement undoubtedly had plenty to unpack, Deckerd mercifully chose to move on, selecting the next lucky audience member. Tailgate stood up in a flash, getting up on his chair and raising his arm so everyone could see him. Smiling with excitement, he was nevertheless quite polite in his tone when he asked his question. "You can transform, right? What are your altmodes?"

"I transform into a police cruiser." Deckerd said simply, earning some nods of approval from the audience. That was a fairly solid alternate mode, from their perspective, and fit quite well with his appearance and abilities. As the team each volunteered their own altmode, there was little fanfare.

"I'm a dump truck."

"My alternate mode is called a power shovel."

McCrane was the first to smile, though his good humor was shared when he gave his answer. "A crane, fittingly enough."

"I have two; a drill and a jet!" Drill Boy declared with a puffed out chest, and the mood went from calm to shocked all over again. Though he had no concept of a triple changer, the young bot knew that having a plurality of modes was special, and the audible gasps confirmed his guess. Rodimus cast Drift a look of surprise from the stage, speaking without words as they so often did. Not only did this guy have two altmodes, but a drill and a jet? Could you get any more wild? Drift replied with an equally stunned but good natured shrug.

"Like Deckerd, I transform into a police cruiser." Shadow Maru said simply, giving his younger friend a look that drew out a very unhappy pout. Sitting up with a smile, he continued and made very clear why his companion was so upset, and in doing so only made the room erupt once more. "I can also take the form of a tank, a jet, and a canine."

Gasps filled the classroom, and even Ultra Magnus was too shocked to silence them, his jaw dropping in total disbelief at what he'd just heard. Five modes?! Not only that, he was a beastformer to boot?! The ninjabot smiled somewhat smugly at the reactions, getting a few looks from his friends that ranged from jealous to bemused as whispered conversations rushed through the bots. Most had never even heard of such an ability, and yet here he was, a bot from earth with so much talent! Several made a note to ask him for tips as Duke took advantage of the chaos to get his simple reply out of the way.

"I am an ambulance."

The medics of the ship all shared a look at what only they seemed to hear, wondering if perhaps the shy bot knew a few things about human medicine he might share with them later. In the murmurs that followed, however, there came a considerable silence as everyone realized the most anticipated answer had not yet been given.

Gunmax leaned back further in his seat, making a face few could decipher when all the attention zeroed in on him. Pretending to cough, he spoke just loudly enough for his mic to pick up his answer. "Don't have one." 

Somebot made a comment about "Monoformers'' before Deckerd stepped in, reading the emotions of his friend as well as the room to skillfully redirect them. It saved Rodimus the trouble of jumping in to make an example of the bot who'd made the comment. 

"Gunmax typically has a motorbike, one that he can merge with to form a very powerful weapon." he explained, looking at the visor that allowed the mech in question to hide so many of his emotions. A flash of gratitude behind the veneer of apathy allowed him to continue with a smile. "When I combine with J-Decker, I can utilize that weapon for defeating extremely powerful foes."

"We can also combine!" Drill Boy added enthusiastically, pointing to the Build Team and perking up the entire crowd with references to "combining" of all things. Combiners were a precious rarity amongst their own kind, could the humans have truly mastered such technology in addition to multiforming?

"Yes, Dumpson, Power Joe and myself form the Build Tiger." McCrane replied helpfully, gesturing to the group of them and further compounding the confusion. How could they all transform into a single entity, their colors didn't even match! Not only that, but the name absolutely baffled those who had been to earth and those who hadn't. The crane bot only continued his talk and further confounded his audience. "With Drill Boy, our abilities are increased, and we form the Super Build Tiger."

Deckerd, wanting to discuss other things, was granted mercy when he selected Brainstorm via the system.

"What kind of energy do your weapons fire?" he asked, having observed the holsters and folded rifles some of them carried. Being intensely curious as to whether earth had progressed beyond the initial steps of plasma based projectiles, he waited eagerly for a reply.

"Most are based on shells, similar to what humans utilize but on a larger scale." Deckerd said, helpfully taking out his pistol to show what he meant. Metallic bullets fell from the chamber and into his cupped palm, unintentionally shocking the scientist and the more ballistic trained crewmembers. Primitive lead based projectiles, fired by simple chemical reactions?! How were these bots just as intelligent as themselves but defending their lives with the Cybertronian equivalent of stone age technology?!

"Yes, that's what my shotgun fires." McCrane added, patting the sizable weapon on his back as Brainstorm noted a million potential improvements he might offer before they left. 

Shadow Maru, somewhat for the sake of dry comedic effect, unsheathed a blade from his back and shrugged as he held it up. "Personally, I prefer swords." 

Laughter rippled through the audience, though Rodimus caught the clear sight of Drift looking far more like he wanted to applaud the other bot who seemed to gel so well with him. Unable to keep a grin off his face at the friendship forming before his optics, the captain considered setting up a communication line on earth so they could all stay in touch going forward. 

"Where do you all live?" a shy bot said when selected next, bringing to mind how their home planet didn't seem to be built for beings as large as themselves. 

"I stay with Yuuta each night, in the garage. His family has made it my personal home, and I keep them safe." Deckerd replied, describing the situation quite wistfully despite the uncertain expressions that flashed before him. The idea of staying within a single room, like a machine for storage… even bots who didn't mind resting in their altmode couldn't wrap their heads around the idea.

"The rest of us stay at the base, but we're free to go where we please when not on duty." McCrane added, wanting to dispel any ideas that they were at all confined. His words did indeed provide some reassurance, especially considering that a few had been considering "liberating" their new friends if necessary.

"When we travel for work, we live wherever we can." Dumpson said, recalling the many times they'd each had to go across the planet undercover. That notion was quite relatable to the group of travelers, especially those who had gone long periods of time without any home to speak of. Needing to find somewhere suitable while moving undercover had been their existence for years.

Gunmax perked up a little at the topic sitting forward a bit so he could be heard as he extolled the wonders of driving around on his bike. "The roads go on for miles, and some have pretty nice views."

When the next question was called, the Brave Police as a group found it was their turn to be surprised. 

"Do you like earth?"

In another turn of events that no one could have predicted, it was Duke who spoke up first, saying his piece simply but confidently before returning to his usual silence.

"It is the only planet we've ever known, and I would have it no other way."

"Earth has everything dear to us." Deckerd confirmed, a barely contained gleam of pride shining from his optics, both for their home and his friend. Everything about the planet was dear to him, from the life that flourished there to the people who had made him, and he wasn't at all ashamed to say as much. That was something each and every member of the Brave Police could agree on, and in order, they all expressed the same sentiment. 

"Earth has everything we could ever want." McCrane added plainly, looking like he wanted to say more but was held back by his own reservations. The simple smile on his face spoke volumes for him, thankfully. His past mentions of friendship and more with humans resonated deeply with certain bots in the audience. 

"We fight lots of bad guys, but that's to keep all the good humans safe, and they're more than worth it." Dumpson said, sharing a glance with Power Joe, who immediately agreed. The big bots many small friends made his answer and confirmation quite easy.

"Most of the people that live there like us, and we like them too. They have a lot to teach us." he said, recalling his love for martial arts as well as everything else he'd ever been passionate about. The need for patience, the importance of seeing the bright side of life, mentoring the younger beings around oneself… Speaking of the younger, Drill Boy jumped in to reply with his own experiences.

"They've invented all kinds of cool games and sports for us to play!" he said happily, tapping the soccer ball in his chest to emphasize his point. The sport was a genuine passion for him, and without humans he wouldn't have it to enjoy. Slightly more bittersweet thoughts of the many adventures he'd had, and the beings he'd met and lost, but wouldn't trade for anything made him smile far more softly. Tapping his digits together, he added a soft addendum to make his point. "Plus they make lots of other cool things."

"There's not much better than going for a drive on earth, or watching the sunset." Gunmax said in agreement, nodding and closing his optics as he played the memories in his mind. The crew talked plenty about their home of Cybertron, and while it sounded wonderful, he doubted anything could ever surpass his home. One of his first memories was going for a drive on a beautiful day, and he didn't believe any planet could ever offer anything more. Not that he'd be opposed to visiting somewhere else...

"It's our home, and it always will be." Deckerd concluded, unintentionally making the crowd a little emotional with his dedication. A far quieter whisper of conversations briefly passed through them all, this time centered almost entirely on the planet in question. Sure, these bots hadn't ever known another world, but they made their own sound quite wonderful. The many who'd never had a chance to see earth were suddenly feeling quite a bit of longing and curiosity of their own. When the quiet descended once again and Deckerd selected the next bot, the query was hardly a surprise.

"Can we come visit you all sometime?"

The entire team exchanged a look, and Deckerd glanced at Rodimus with the kind of knowing smiles leaders could share when they knew what was happening. While the logistics of such a thing would be a nightmare, there could be no denying the eager faces all around, and any potential benefits were far too great to ignore. Though it would be an impossible amount of work, they both nodded to one another in agreement.

"We would be honored to have you as guests, just as you have taken us into your home."

[stay-outta-my-blood-circle]

dear slashers,

(tw ed)i don’t really know where i’m going with this but i’m like really really struggling. i’ve been struggling with bulimia since around june 2020 and only my close friends know. it’s got so much worse since then and i feel like it’s completely consumed me. i’m still a teen, so i’m still under the children’s mental health service here, but in october 2020 i got let go because they couldn’t help me anymore even though they knew i was doing worse than ever:( i feel so lost and helpless and like i can’t reach out because i’m either annoying my friends or if i tell someone like a tutor i’ll possibly be back in therapy, which ended up making my mental health a lot worse last year, so i’m just scared i guess:( thank u for even reading this, i just needed to vent and slashers have gave me so much comfort recently, i just really don’t know what to do, i just feel so worthless:(

(also hi bo, i rly rly love u<3)

A bit of a scuffle breaks out over your letter. Thomas opened it and showed it to Brahms (these two are responsible for most of the sorting), who gestured for the others. Vincent, Bo, and Jesse joined them, looking over the letter. Bo tried to take it, Vincent grabbed his wrist, Bo shoved him away - and then Jesse stepped between them, keeping them apart, and snatched the letter.

Use your words, boys, he signs, then looks at Vincent and follows up, shrugging: or, you know - hands.

"It's got my name on it, they wanna talk to me - " Bo growls.

You're not qualified to handle this, Vincent signs heatedly.

"Oh, and you are?" Bo scoffs.

No, BUT, Vincent signs, then points.

Hannibal looks up as all eyes turn his way.

"Ah - one for me, perhaps?"

Bo grabs the letter back from Jesse, who then turns slowly - menacingly - toward him. Bo ignores this in favor of striding toward Hannibal.

"Fine, but I'm helping, and I'm goin' first," he grouses, plopping down next to the psychiatrist and pulling out a pen with a heavily chewed cap. Hannibal reads the letter over Bo's shoulder as he begins to write.

Dear sweetheart:

I'm real sorry you're in this kind of trouble. That's a rough one for sure. I get feeling helpless about it, but you don't have to feel alone - I'm sure your friends want to support you, so I think you should keep talking to them. I know I would want the people I care about to come to me with problems like this.

His eyes flicker reflexively to his brother, who is deep in ASL conversation with Jesse.

You're not annoying, and you're not worthless - everybody's got a demon or two, and plenty of people struggle with the same one as you. It's not your fault, and you don't deserve it, but life can be a bitch sometimes and we have to deal with what we're given.

He pauses for a moment, absent-mindedly rubs the scars encircling his wrist.

Anyway, darlin, I'll hand you over to the shrink now. Just wanted you to know I'm in your corner. Be brave.      Love, Bo

After he signs, Bo shoves the letter toward Hannibal, then sits back in his seat, crossing his arms.

"I'm watchin' you," he says, glaring at Hannibal, "better be nice."

Hannibal chuckles, brandishing an expensive-looking fountain pen. Where the previous words had been written in a blocky scrawl, this section of the letter continues in elegant, flowing script.

Beauregard isn't wrong - support is important.

Bo scowls, gripping his pen as if he'd like to use it to inflict a few puncture wounds.

If your friends or family aren't equipped to help you, a support group may be a good alternative. Your issue is a common one - there are likely several online groups you could join, if a traditional meeting isn't right for you. There are also helplines you can call (or perhaps text). Either of these options would be useful in pointing you toward other resources, as well. This is not something you should try to fight alone.

Additionally - this condition is quite serious, and especially since it has worsened lately, I must encourage you to seek professional help. It is unfortunate that you've had a bad experience with therapy, but do keep in mind that there are several different types of therapy, and all therapists are unique. It is possible that your previous mode of therapy (or even your specific therapist) was not the right fit for you, but it is important to try again. (Antidepressants are commonly part of the treatment regimen, and a psychiatrist or doctor would have to prescribe those.)

Take heart. You can get through this. Don't be afraid to reach out for support.

Hannibal signs his name, then leans back to meet Bo’s eyes.

"Was that nice enough for you, or shall I revise it?"

"Wouldn't say it was mean," Bo huffs, "my part was nice enough for the both of us, I guess."

"We make a good team, then. I look forward to our next collaboration," Hannibal smirks, rising from his chair, leaving a rather flustered Bo alone at the table.

[zevlors-tail]

Stained Glass

Pairing: Villain Deku/Izuku X Hero!Reader

Description: Deku wants the reader to join the LOV, however, he has to convince them to do so first. But honestly, it might not be that hard after the Hell they’ve been through, lately. A year can change a lot in a person.

Warnings: Kidnapping, gaslighting, manipulation, emotionally vulnerable reader, emotional abuse, mentions of stalking, pretty sure this is basically yandere but without the violence? and of course, Villain!Deku, but softish. No physical violence or abuse, just a hell of a lot of brainwashing and manipulation, tiny mention of blood at the end.

A/N: I’m a sucker for Villain Izuku, and I wanted to try a few different emotional tropes out. This is half a vent fic via reader, and I needed a place to put all of my feelings. Sorry not sorry lol. I really feel like this is utter garbage. I got really tired towards the end and I might go back and edit and extend the ending later. I don’t really know if I like it, but I wrote it and it’s here, so if one single person enjoys it other than me then I guess I did my job! :)

“They broke you, didn’t they? They shattered you into tiny bits and pieces like glass, and then they had the audacity to ask why you don’t smile anymore. But, don’t worry,” Izuku cooed, “don’t you worry one bit, doll! I’ll put you back together piece by broken piece, until all the shards make a beautiful picture- just like stained glass! You’ll be my masterpiece.”

His words rang in your brain, echoing off the walls and reverberating through your ears as the weight of the situation at hand started to slowly sink in. Here you were, hands tied behind your back and legs tied to the chair underneath you, unable to move and speak despite the fact that there was no gag in your mouth. Maybe it was the shock that kept you from speaking, or maybe, after all this time, you just felt utterly exhausted and ready to give up. You had been here for god only knows how long (you weren’t sure how much time had passed; it could have been two days or two months for all you knew), and you had no idea where you were or how you’d gotten here. The last thing you could remember was patrolling around your city when a lesser known villain had attacked, and you had put up a valiant fight against them until they hit you with a blast of their quirk and knocked you out. You guessed that it might have been the work of Deku that got you here, but you weren’t entirely sure what all had happened after you blacked out.

“That’s all you want, right? For someone to notice you, to pay attention to you when you’re hurting, to hold you and put you back together when you come undone. I can be that person, doll! I can be the one to save you when you’re drowning in yourself!” He grinned a cheshire cat grin, his emerald eyes sparkling hopefully at you. “I promise you, I’d never let anything or anyone hurt you, ever. The others- they never cared, did they? They let you parade around with that terrible fake smile while you were dying on the inside. Kachann and Uraraka, they let you suffer. Todoroki, too. I watched you all; I watched as you desperately tried to reach out to them, and I watched as they blatantly ignored you. I saw the devastated look on your face when you realized no one truly cared about you. But you were wrong, because- well, I care about you! I’ve always cared about you, Y/N! Even while I was away this past year, you’re all I ever thought about. I couldn’t stop thinking about you...about you with me, and about us, together.”

You didn’t want to believe any of it. Sure, you’d been feeling really lonely lately, and yes, you had tried to reach out to the others, but...they were just busy, right? There’s no way they had intentionally ignored you. Right...? “You’re wrong,” you replied, though it was weak and did little to phase the man in front of you. Izuku still held that delusional glint in his eye, and you felt yourself slowly starting to cave, doubts swimming around in your head while an empty feeling gnawed on your heart and settled in your bones. “They’re my friends. They’ll come looking for me, and they’ll find me. ” Even as you spoke, you realized that it was a lie you were telling yourself to feel better. “They care about me.” You weren’t sure that they knew you were missing at all.

“Do they, though?” He cocked his head in question, an apprehensive look washing over his features as he placed a gloved hand under your chin.

“Of course they do!” You couldn’t deny the anxiety bubbling up in your chest. Suddenly it was hard to think straight, and you scrambled to back up your claim. “They-they’ve been there for me a lot-”

“Like when?” he immediately countered, his grip tightening on your jaw.

You had a hard time answering for a while, but there was still a sliver of hope in you as you hastily came up with something. With all the defiance you had left in you, you mustered up the courage to look him straight in the eye before replying, “They were all there when you disappeared and left me, Izuku.” 

Dead air hung between the two of you for a moment before his hand slowly slid off your face, his thumb lingering on your jaw momentarily. For a second he glared at you cooly, but as soon as you blinked that delusional smile was back, and along with it, a maniacal laugh that tapered off into sounds of frustration. “How many times do we have to go over this, doll? I told you, everything I did, I did for you! Why can’t you understand that!? I joined the League of Villains so that I could become stronger for you, so that I could properly protect you from things even heroes can’t beat. Every little thing I’ve done has always been for you, Y/N! Kachann, Uraraka, and Todoroki...they’re only trying to stand between us. They never accepted us for who we truly are; me, a villain, and you...Y/N, you’re so special. I love you, all of you. Can you say the same for them? Did they really love every broken piece of you? They were only happy when you smiled. They didn’t really want to listen to your pain, did they? They made you feel like a burden, like you were too much for them. So you kept it inside, didn’t you? You carried all that weight around on your shoulders alone. All that disappointment, all that failure, all that hopelessness...”

And he was right. 

Lately, you felt the weight of the world on your shoulders. Not good enough. Failure. Burden. These were things you told yourself on a daily basis. Your ‘friends’ knew you had been a little down and out recently, but it seemed that no one really knew the extent to which the events of this past year had affected you. With each and every passing day, it was getting harder to fake the smiles. As a hero, it was your job to bring hope to people and save them while making sure they still had their faith in the world, but you could barely believe in anything yourself, and you felt like a fraud. How could you have any faith left when the people you loved and trusted the most kept abandoning you? After your boyfriend, Izuku, had gone missing, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You would give your best fake reassuring smile to people all day, and then at home you would fall apart. Wether it was in the bath, the bed, or on the kitchen floor (you had no dining table since you could barely afford essentials at the moment), you would find yourself having break downs and unable to cope with life. You often tried to reach out to your friends, and yet, whenever you dropped hints that something was wrong, whenever you openly tried to talk, it seemed they were too busy and lacked the time, or simply didn’t want to acknowledge you and your problems. You told yourself that this was because they too were coping from the disappearance of their best friend, and that maybe this was their way of dealing with it. But then you started noticing things, like how they would text each other without you while you were all in the same room, and how you suddenly were left out of most events they planned, or how any plans they did make with you were always canceled or had to be rescheduled to another time. Once, Uraraka even left you on read the whole day after failing to meet up for a simple mall trip. You were growing tired of it. 

On top of all of that, your home life was not good either. You constantly felt drained from all the negativity you were drowning in, and it took extra energy just to keep in touch with people outside of your small friend group, if you could even call them that anymore. You barely had the energy to do anything other than sleep and watch TV. You hadn’t heard from your parents in ages either, but that was hardly surprising considering that they had kicked you out of their house last year for “being a lazy bum”. The truth of the matter was that hero work as a sidekick did not pay well, especially if you worked for an unpopular agency such as the one you were currently at, and so your parents had decided to force you out of the house so that you could find a “real job”. Now you were working small part time jobs in your spare time just to make rent. And as if you needed the cherry on top, both of your bosses had been smothering you with extra work and responsibilities for the past few moths. Never in your entire life had you felt so overworked, exhausted, and alone.

When Izuku got no response from you, he frowned deeply and leaned back on the balls of his feet, his arms crossed over his chest and his hip cocked out to the side. His sickly praises clearly weren’t working; you must have still had strings attached from your previous way of life before him, before here and now. Well then, he would just have to cut you down and free you from all those entanglements. Soon you’d join him. He’d make you see. But first...first he had to break what was left of you.

“My poor, poor Y/N. I can only imagine what life must be like for you. You must feel so tired after working those long hours at your second job. And you want so desperately to be a rising hero, yet your boss never seems to notice your effort, does he? But he notices every time you make a mistake, counts them all at the end of the day and degrades you for it. You’ll never be enough for him. You’ll never live up to his expectations, and you’ll never be a pro hero. So why are you still pining for validation? Why are you still trying? You’ll never get it from him.”

You looked up at your captor with wide e/c eyes, tears welling up against your will. Never in your life had you thought the person you trusted the most would say those words to you. You felt a crack form in the depths of your soul as you stared at him forlornly, any trace of hope left in you evaporating by the minute. Seeing the devastated look on your face, Izuku just smirked and continued on, tearing your heart out with every syllable that left his lips.

“Look at you. Those bags under your eyes are hideous, doll. They’ve really been overworking you, haven’t they? When was the last time they gave you a break from anything? The last time you had a day off? I bet all you want right now is to curl up into a nice warm bed and sleep for days, maybe even a whole week. Do you even remember what that’s like? After all, you only have that meager sleeping bag at home. It must be so uncomfortable and stuffy.” He moved to stand behind you, his hands grasping firmly on to your shoulders as he kneaded into them. You let out an involuntary shudder at the pleasant sensation; you couldn’t remember the last time you had been touched before now. “There’s so much tension in your shoulders. How do you even work like this?” Just as you were getting used the feeling of his fingers massaging your neck, he tore away and circled back in front of you. “Aren’t you tired of eating noodles from a cup all day? It’s disgusting, really, and unhealthy for you. You’re barely scraping by on rent, and you must feel so lonely in that tiny apartment of yours with no furniture. How much longer are you going to be able to live like that?” He sighed in mock lament as he carried on. “You’re pathetic, weak, a waste of space to everyone. They don’t want you around.”

A hiccup escaped from you at the insults. “I- Please, sto-” you cried, but he cut you off mid plea.

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, Y/N. It’s not your fault that you’re weak, not at all! You never asked for them to hurt you. All of this is just so unfair, isn’t it? You’ve only ever wanted the best for your friends and family, and you were always there for them. Every time your mother called to rant about her new boyfriend of the week, you were there. Every time your father went off the deep end, you were there. Every time one of your friends was in peril, who jumped in to save them from the haphazard situations they put themselves in? You, doll! It was always you! And this-” he flung his arms into the air to emphasize his point, “this is how they repay you!? By leaving you alone in the hands of a villain? By abandoning you in your time of need? They never cared about you. They only cared about appearances, about their hero ratings and their popularity, about how many fans they could take from you so their own numbers would go up. Uraraka said it herself during our years at UA; she’s only in it for the money! They’re greedy, every last one of them! They left you alone, broke you down, abandoned you when all you needed was someone to be there. How lonely it must have been for you to sit there and sob in an empty apartment, to know no one was listening as you begged for things to end as they were. But I was there, doll; I was listening! I’ve been listening this whole time! From the very beginning, I’ve only ever wanted what’s best for you. I never really left you; I’ve always been there, watching over you from the shadows, making sure nothing terrible happened to you. So many times I wanted to whisk you away and wrap my arms around you, doll, but there was never a right time. That’s why I had to wait; it’s why it took me a whole year to finally save you from them. But I’m here now, and I promise, Y/N, I’ll never let you out of my sight again.”

You were full on sobbing now. He had broken you completely, shredded the last of your hope and faith in your friends and family.

“Oh doll, don’t cry! Don’t cry, my love! I’m here!” You watched through tear clouded eyes as he stooped to your level on one knee and gazed lovingly at you, his hand resting under your chin once again. “I know they always made you feel like you were too much for them, but the fact of the matter is that they were never enough for you. They never deserved a fraction of your time, doll. They never loved you. I’m the only one who could ever truly love you. So join my League of Villains, and rule beside me.” 

He spoke with such conviction, as if he knew with absolute certainty that he had you hook, line, and sinker. He watched the gears turn in your head, saw the desperate look in your eyes, and decided to give one final push to ensure you would come to your senses about this.

“Say you’ll join me and be mine, and I’ll make all your problems disappear.” He leaned his face in close to you, his lips barely brushing yours before they lightly dragged across your jaw to your ear. The sensation left little sparks of electricity crackling on your skin as he whispered his promises to you. “You’re barely scraping by now, but I could give you so much more. I could give you a place to stay, a roof over your head with no strings attached. I would gladly share my living space with you for free, Y/N. I’ll even pay you if you that’s what you want, and you won’t have to lift a single finger. How does that sound? You wouldn’t have to worry about rent anymore, which means no more sleepless nights on thirds at the local grocery just to make extra money, either.”

You sniffed and blinked back more tears as you considered the idea of not having to drag yourself out of bed every damn morning and evening just to survive the week, of not having to constantly worry about what your boss was going to say or do to you about the declining quality of your work (of course it was only getting worse because of how utterly exhausted you felt all the time).

“Oh doll, you look so tired and worn out... I could fix that too, if you’d let me. I’ll share my bed with you if you’re ever feeling weary. It’s comfortable and spacious enough for us both, and I promise not to disturb you while you rest. It’ll be better than that thin sleeping bag you’ve been using; trust me, your shoulders will thank you, my dear.” One of his hands ghosted down the back of your neck as if to remind you of his touch earlier.

“...Really?” you quietly asked, and he immediately pulled away from your ear to grin at your response.

“Of course, doll! And, if you’re ever feeling lonely-” He gently embraced you in his warmth, his face nestling in your hair and arms wrapped securely around your smaller frame. “I’ll wrap my arms around you, and I’ll hold you, and I’ll listen to you if that’s what you want. You don’t have to be alone anymore, Y/N. It’s okay now, because I’m here.”

You felt more tears spring to your eyes as a new feeling blossomed in your chest. You weren’t entirely sure what it was, but you didn’t really care, either. All you knew was that you no longer had to suffer through the mess of your life. Even if he was a villain, and even if you were broken, the two of you shared twisted love together, and that was enough for you. You were just happy to have him back, to feel some reprieve from the hell that was your life this past year.

“Please don’t leave me!” you begged, your voice hoarse and eyes red from crying so much. “Please stay...”

“Shhh, it’s alright, doll. I promise I will never leave your side, ever. I’ll always love you. Just say you’re mine. Tell me you’ll join me and I’ll give you everything you’ve ever wanted. I’ll take you out on dates, I’ll love you more than anyone ever could, I’ll feed you and hold you and take care of you! You’ll see! Just say you’re mine!”

“I’m yours! I’ll join you, please just don’t leave me-!” You wanted so desperately to reach your arms up around him and cling to him for dear life. You were so terrified the only person left in your life would leave, and you didn’t think you could handle it if he did. Izuku, sensing your distress, gave a guttural laugh and pulled away from you, leaving you a whimpering, shaking mess still tied to the chair.

“I knew you would say yes! Oh, doll, I promise to take such good, good care of you! I swear it on my life!” He suddenly produced a knife from somewhere in his coat, the metal already stained with blood and rusting around the edges. You felt a surge of fear rush through you as he slunk behind you with the knife raised, but to your relief, you felt him cut through the binds around your sore wrists. “Easy, doll. I’m just giving you your freedom back.” 

As soon as your hands and legs were free, you nearly fell over trying to bolt up from the chair to get to Izuku. You were about to throw yourself on him when he surprised you by picking you up bridal style, and suddenly you were being carried away from it all, away from your troubles, away from all the terrible memories of abandonment and loneliness.

“Izuku? Where are we going?”

“Home, my love. We’re going home.”

[what-if-nct]

Hi so shitty Catholic school anon is back! But this time it’s with weird things male teachers have said/done or things said about male teachers. TW: self harm, anorexia, sexism, racism, slavery, pedophilia, gender stereotypes.

So recently we had a lesson on self harm and there was one part where we had to say if a certain thing was true or not. So for example if self harm is attention seeking or if it mainly effects certain groups of people. One of the things was “self harm improves a person’s self confidence” and a male teacher said it did and that it is also attention seeking. He said that many people do it for attention and to make them selves look better. He then went on to talk about anorexia and said that lots of ballerinas have anorexia and “that is why they are so pretty” and also said that girls that don’t have anorexia or aren’t skinny are typically less attractive. Which is kinda really f-ing creepy and a horrible thing to say to anyone, especially a room with about 30 females in or 30 people in with female bodies. It’s creepy and disgusting. But I think he is getting fired because people walked out and were made to write statements about it which is a similar thing to what happened with another teacher that got fired.

So basically, we had a substitute teacher for a lesson in Geography about Mumbai. He started off talking about Mumbai but was saying very stereotypical things. We hadn’t actually properly started the lesson though because he didn’t give us the work or start talking about the parts of Mumbai which we were supposed to be talking about. He then somehow got to racism and the BLM movement. He said that he did not understand why it was black lives matter and not all lives matter. We tried to explain that all lives do matter but we need to focus on black people and what they had experienced. But he went on to say that white racism and white slavery exists too and that “it’s just as bad”. In the front row there was a person who is black and he constantly used them as an example. I was sitting next to them and the teacher would constantly point to them or go up in their face. The person who is black tried to give an example of racism that they face and he said that the same things happen to him too. They said that police officers often came up to them, assuming that they were criminal or a bad person just because they are black. The teacher then said that he had only once before had a police officer come up to him and it was because he had a red jacket and that a criminal who they saw on camera had a similar jacket. The person who is black was stopped by cops multiple times because of just their skin colour. The teacher who is white was stopped by cops once because they had a similar jacket to someone. And then when people said that worse/more things have happened to black people just because they are black than white people he started talking about the battle of Hastings. He tried to compare a fight (that from my knowledge doesn’t have anything to do with racism) that happened in a few hours a thousand years ago to all the horrible things that have happened to black peoples over centuries and still today. People had tried to get him to stop and to teach the actual lesson but he refused. A teacher next door came in and asked us if we were okay and what we were doing. Everyone in the class said that we weren’t okay and that we weren’t doing what we were supposed to but the substitute teacher said that we were discussing transport in Mumbai and that we had been doing that all lesson. And when he left we started actually doing the work but he soon started talking about white slavery and then tried to make it better by saying that the Conservative party is much better than the Labour Party. There was no need for him to say any of that and no need for him to force his opinions into us. Luckily, he was fired.

The next thing I don’t remember well since I never actually was taught by this teacher and it happened in my first year at the school. Basically a teacher had sex with either a year 11 or sixth former. So she would have been 15-18 years old at the time. He was also rumoured to be touching the older girls weirdly. He was soon fired.

A similar thing happens with another teacher who is currently still at the school. His downstairs often gets ‘happy’ whilst teaching and he leans over onto students often. I don’t know if this is predatory behaviour or not but it most definitely makes people uncomfortable. He is a substitute who works at the school and I’ve had him for many lessons. In one of my first lessons with him (when I was 11), he leaned over me and I could feel his stomach on my back and it soooo uncomfortable. Still, I don’t know if it an actual concern. But in my first ever lesson with him, me and my friend was annoying each other and kind of like just poking each other a lot. He could’ve just told us to stop but instead he decided to say that we were holding hands. This freaked me out cause at primary I was bullied/treated differently for the last 2-3 years for being not straight. It also started rumours that I wasn’t straight, which freaked me out more.

Next teacher~ Is still at the school and he is actually good teaching compared to the other teachers I’ve mentioned. But he’s said some weird things. Mostly some random stereotypical comments such as “women are typically more sensitive” and that “women take longer to get ready” and that “women are concerned too much about their appearance and wear too much makeup”. But in every lesson I had him, he always looked at people’s skirts. At my school there is a heavy focus on wearing skirts and that they must be below the knee and it gets mentioned at least once a day and always at assembly. Despite this many people would still roll up their skirt. Immediately when you walked into the classroom, he would look at your skirt and tell you to roll it down. When you walked past him in the corridors, he would do it too. And sometimes he complained saying that whenever he walked upstairs he was not able to look up because he would see a “girls knickers or butt or thighs” and so he had to look at the floor or walls instead. Why is he looking in that area anyway?! He shouldn’t be looking in that area at all even if their skirts are rolled down. I was never in this lesson but apparently he also started talking about how he thought abortion was bad.

Next thing is just how much the school puts an emphasis on skirts below the knee. And they say that it’s because “male teachers would feel uncomfortable”. It’s not us who should change it’s the male teachers then. Whilst doing online lessons a teacher (who is female) said that we shouldn’t have any underwear or certain clothes in the background because it would make “male teachers uncomfortable”. I understand why they don’t want us to have things like that in the background but why only talk about male teachers. At least why not say that it makes teachers in general uncomfortable or other students uncomfortable. But no it’s back to please change yourself or what you are doing because you will be treated weirdly by adult men even though you are a child and it’s their problem.

Anyway sorry about that. I kinda just wanted to rant again. Sorry if it made you feel uncomfortable. I hope you are having a good day and you aren’t near any creepy dudes. And if you are, I am very happy to bosh the creepy dudes. Bye bye~

Hi! Okay so every last one of those teachers are horrible and shouldn't be around children. Absolutely horrible. And the teacher who is putting his ya know that close to students is one hundred percent doing it on purpose and its disgusting, men know when they are visibly excited its just gross that he would even do that. And you were understandably uncomfortable, no teacher should be that close to a student. I am so sorry you were put in that situation. Really all of those teacher should be penalized. And seriously dress codes sadly aren't for the male students, but the teachers. A male teacher shouldnt be there if a minor's shoulders or legs are distracting. An adult man shouldn't be even looking up the skirts of teenage girls, you wouldn't even see anything if you weren't purposely looking, It's horrible. And why are young girls forced to change because a grown man can't control himself. I had went to a counselor's office in a kind of short skirt and she asked if I had any appropriate clothes or she couldnt send me to a male psychiatrist she'd have to find a female psychiatrist.....what the hell kind of sense does that make. If you can't trust a man with a young girl in skirt why is he even there?? Ugh it's absolutely disgusting. It really is there problem, not the young girl's fault. It's okay vent all you want, i hope you have a nice day and stay safe. If a teacher ever makes you feel uncomfortable make sure you go to a teacher you trust. Byee🌸🌸

[rpbetter]

Is it okay to vent? I've been modding an rp group with friends and recently, I really haven't felt like things have been fair? Everything feels like it's swinging in favor towards a particular character of a person made recently mod and I hate it. It's also like there are several people very quiet in the group now and I've made like observations that might be concerning and brought it up, but no one seems to listen to me? I'm honestly just wishing I could care less right now bc while the original mod group was a group of friends, I'm struggling with feeling apart of it now and torn between going radio silence or forcing myself to expend effort more in hopes I'll actually feel like I have friends again.

Any time, Anon!

That is definitely an uncool situation right there, I'm sorry that's happening. If it makes you feel any better, I'm very sure that a lot of others understand too well what you're going through. I know I do! I wish I knew what the solid answer was to the entire, far too prevalent issue with RP groups failing for such reasons is, as well as this too frequently happening in any group of mods of anything, but I don't think there is just one answer that can be applied.

More specifically, though...to be painfully honest with you? The only thing here you can control is yourself. I know the suggestion should be a redundant and assumptive "have you tried talking to them more directly, you probably weren't direct enough" but lol you literally said you have brought this up and I don't feel like any number of times rehashing the way in which you've done so is going to make them listen. I'm not advising you to not try that, but I am advising you to not expect different results - only do that if it's going to help you move on. (Like, feeling a sense of well, I tried my best and they are not in a place to care, so, I'm done.)

I sincerely wish there was a way to just not feel things, not care about things, especially when you logically know it probably shouldn't dig at you as badly as it is! If anyone out there finds a secret to this, we're all dying to know, please share! But what you can do is slowly detach from the situation, and I think this might be best.

I know it was a friend group, I know how badly this hurts and how unfair it is...how it sort of changes the landscape of your RP time, too. I think, even if we do not consciously realize it, it's a goal most of us have to establish a good friend group we RP with, just like we establish friend groups in games. We feel so much more comfortable with this group of people we can enjoy all aspects of RP with, because let's face it, it can be a kind of odd thing to discuss with other people if they do not RP, even in a fandom. We also tend to develop our muses and our writing with our friends, naturally. So, achieving that only to lose it is tough, and it's tough no matter how many times it happens to you.

However, I really meant it when I said I don't think they're in a place to listen. Obviously, I'm not there in your RP group, I'm not seeing what is going on, I'm not hanging out with your friends (I mean? Probably? lol the RPC can be vast yet so tiny), but going off of what you've said and what I've experienced, that's really what I feel here. People have a simple tendency, in all group situations, to not be ready to see something as a problem until it's well past being easily addressed. Trying to force it into their field of vision is likely to make them angry and to see them more obstinately ignoring it.

Some reasons for that are not wanting to argue/fear of ruining things, genuinely being oblivious to the issue, enjoying the factors that are an issue for others, and favoritism. These are not things you can change. All you can do, as far as trying to address it again, is to figure out which of these/which combination is going on with the person in the group most likely to listen to you so that you can better talk to them. Whether you agree with them or not, understanding where someone is coming from is helpful to speaking with them. You can better phrase things so they're not triggering negative emotions.

For example, let's say you feel like it's a combination of this hypothetical one friend enjoying what is making others upset (let us say that this new member writes something with their muse they enjoy) and that it's become favoritism because of this and/or other factors (they're the one who brought them into the group, they were already a friend). Okay, so, now you have an idea of what you can say that won't prod at any feelings of accusation, jealousy, or even their own guilt.

Instead of: "Listen, I know x is your favorite person and you will always choose them over everyone else, but this is a real problem and I need you to hear me about it."

Try: "Hey, I'm needing to talk to you because I feel like this is such a serious issue. I've tried to discuss it with the entire group, but I've not been listened to and I know the group RP is as important to you as it is to me. I really enjoy x as well, they do y great and they're so z, but the way that the focus of the group has swung entirely to their character is a big problem for many in the group. If you've noticed, the activity of several others has dropped off. People feel they're not being listened to and that their characters and bits in the storyline aren't of equal importance anymore. What do you think we can do about this?"

Right out of the gate, you're expressing that you know they like this other person, but you don't dislike them or anything, you dislike what has happened in the situation. You've also given them the (correct) impression that this is endangering the RP, and that they are someone you feel is both interested and reasonable enough to want to fix the problem.

Again, do not expect that it's going to change anything, but if it'd make you feel better to try one more time, do it.

The problem so often with being a mod, even among a friend group who are also mods, is that moderators are very often set up only to act in the event of such extreme drama that the others won't want to deal with it. As a mod, you feel (again, correctly) that it's your job to...you know, moderate. That doesn't just mean disputes, it also means pre-dispute situations like this, among other things. However, the actual top moderator complaint is always that they're not listened to unless it's a problem that has kind of imploded the group. The kind of problem the rest of the group doesn't want to resolve for fear of seeming to play favorites or, frankly, fear of looking like a bitch. This is absolutely something that will put devastating cracks into the RP group, but since it isn't crumbling it rapidly yet...they'd probably rather that you just ignore it. Then, are rather likely to either drop the RP or want you to resolve it magically because you're the one who brought it up way back when it fixable.

So, we're back to "it's not a problem you can fix or control despite your position" yes.

And we can go back to what you can do to mitigate your own upset somewhat, also, yes. :D

There's this whole thing about ripping off the bandaid that just isn't applicable to all situations. (It isn't even applicable to all literal injury situations, damn.) This is one of them for a lot of people. Slowly distancing yourself so you can start putting energy into things that will return your investment of time, creativity, friendship might be better for you than just abruptly going radio silent, or even more drastically, leaving.

Don't engage with the group RP as often or in as timely a manner, be less of a presence there. It's difficult at first, but see, when you feel the drive to be there, you then use it for something else. If you have other RPs outside of this, reply to one of them instead. If you don't, start seeking out new partners/RPs instead. You have other RPs but they all owe you right now? Not a problem, do some character development. Whatever keeps you from spending as much time there.

As you do this, it's much easier to not be there. Just drop in to do what you have to. It becomes difficult, eventually, to be bothered to do so, I promise. A lot of other things you did not like that you were tolerating because these are your friends and this is something you enjoy, they'll become obnoxiously obvious. You know what else either will or won't? Them missing you being there.

If they do miss your presence and friendship, that's great! That's the best outcome. It might put into sharper perspective how bad the issue was, they might be more willing to address the problem now, make it a dedicated effort to not show that kind of attention to just one member's character/one member.

If they do not, then that does very much hurt. This is, unfortunately, how many friendships in the RPC decline. Not heated arguments, but rather, quiet inattention and replacement. If this happens, I'm so sorry, Anon. I can say all day long the total truth of the matter, that it wasn't the best group for friendship longevity and you can at least take the memories and lessons with you, but it won't stop it from stinging. However, because you have started to make other things your priority, it does lessen the upset.

Either way, this is a really frustrating situation! I think you've kind of answered what you need to do just in the phrasing here, "I'm struggling with feeling apart of it now and torn between going radio silence or forcing myself to expend effort more in hopes I'll actually feel like I have friends again." When we start feeling like have to force ourselves to expend more effort out of desperation to feel friendship like we once did, that's not a situation we should stay in. Sometimes, we just need to vent about it and see it pointed out to us to realize it, you know? Because it is hard to lose our friends and comfort zones, even when they've soured.

Maybe trial run slow distancing, just responding to the people who also feel like they're being left out, perhaps? Until the situation improves or you feel like you can move on easier. Nothing about this is going to be painless, but you can at least insulate yourself a bit while leaving the ball visibly in their court - I expressed this was a problem, it was ignored and is an ongoing problem, so, I'm not as invested anymore and it is up to you now to stay on that track or demonstrate some changes.

I hope that whatever happens, it's good for you! Even if it feels awful for a while, I hope it's eventually great. Maybe it's the thing you need to find an even better group, you never know until happens! I also hope that my delay in response didn't make things worse for you, please know I've felt really guilty about it despite not being able to get online :| I know just being seen at the moment you're feeling so frustrated and down helps so much!

[purplesurveys]

1252

A - Appearance.

What are you wearing? I have a gray turtleneck and brown shorts at the moment.

What are on your feet right now? I never wear anything for my feet when I’m at home.

What color are your fingernails? I say this a lot on surveys but mine are never painted. Nothing against them, I’ve just never felt the need to spend on something like my nails.

What does your hair look like right now? I have apple hair at the moment to temporarily get rid of my bangs, which I am more than sick of at this point.

B - Best Friend

Who is your best friend? Angela and Andi.

What was the last thing you two did together? The last time I saw Angela we went to the BTS pop-up store. I haven’t seen Andi since January, but when we hung out that evening we just had Korean barbecue and we also parked somewhere in UP to just talk about life in my car. My breakup had been fresh at the time and back then I just needed someone to whom I could vent.

What is (s)he doing right now? I’m sure Andi’s doing something with Leigh, maybe having a video call or something since I think they tend to have one every evening. I’m not sure what Angela’s up to but considering her replies have been a bit slow tonight, I guess she’s somewhat busy at home.

Are you talking to her/him online right now? Angela just replied to something I sent her around 15 minutes ago but the exchange wasn’t meant to be a full-blown conversation, if that’s what you mean.

C - Crush.

Who is (s)he? Eh, I don’t have a crush these days; too obsessed with work to figure out what I find attractive lmaooooo. I do have a main celebrity crush and I might just cite them instead so that I can at least fill this section out. 

What does (s)he look like? Curly hair; mismatched eyes; moles underneath his right eye, on his nose, and on his lower lip, and the widest smile I’ve seen on any person.

What was the last thing you two talked about? He’s a celebrity crush...

Does (s)he make you smile? Yes.

D - Dad

What’s your dad’s name? Edgardo.

What does he do for a living? He’s an executive chef for a luxury liner company. He hasn’t worked in a year and a half due to the pandemic and has stayed in the country this whole time, but we’ve *very* recently been informed that he can go back abroad in around two weeks! Of course it will suck letting go of him again after having him back for such a long time, but I’m just glad the family can finally be on track again, financially speaking. It had been something I’ve been worrying silently about.

What was the last thing you two did together? Had dinner last night, but we did that with the whole family too. We don’t really do things that’s just the two of us.

Do you get along better with him than your mother? Yes.

E - Ebay.

Have you ever bought anything from ebay? No. I’m not sure we have eBay here anyway.

Do you just shop around when you’re online? I don’t really shop ‘around.’ I usually have an idea of what I want to get myself, and it’s just a matter of finding the right shop from which to buy.

Do you know anybody who is addicted to it? I know a couple of co-workers who love shopping, like Gabi.

Have you ever sold anything on it? I’ve never tried selling, but I’m actually in the middle of doing something for the very first time – I’ve decided to get into trading! I got my BTS Butter album yesterday but didn’t get to pull the photocard I was vying for – the pull I got, though, was of the most popular member, which means it would be a very easy trade. I put the trade offer up the other day and I finally got a match yesterday.

F - Facebook.

When was the last time you logged on? Like five minutes ago. I constantly check it.

How many friends do you have? Just checked and it says I have 686. I wanna get rid like half of them though.

Do you hate when your facebook chat messes up? Hmm, that doesn’t really happen.

Who was the last person to leave you a wall post? Angela.

G - Google.

Do you Google everything? Yeah, I think I look up a random item or phrase at least once a day. Doesn’t hurt to learn a new thing each day. :)

What was the last thing you Googled? The K-Pop group g.o.d., since my teacher mentioned them in our Korean lessons earlier.

Would you ever trade Google in for Bing? No, I haven’t used Bing in like 12 years.

What do you Google the most? Synonyms, I think, since I’m constantly writing for work.

H - Hair.

Do you like your hair? It’s a love-hate relationship most days because I hate how thick and frizzy it can be...but I recently had mine trimmed all the way up to my neck and for some reason it’s taken on a wavy form, which I didn’t expect to come out at all. And I’ve found that it actually suits me quite a bit, so I’m enjoying my hair for now.

What color is your hair? Black.

What does it look like right now? Slightly damp since I took a shower not too long ago.

What kind of shampoo for you use? Just a normal Dove one.

I - Ibuprofen 

When was the last time you took ibuprofen? I don’t think I’ve ever taken it? I usually take paracetamol...idrk the difference either. Do you rely on it for everything (cramps, headache)? I only ever take medicine for headaches/migraines.

Are you so thankful people made it? I mean sure, I’m glad there are those who have been able to create products that can instantly relieve pain or discomfort, but I’m not obsessively grateful.

Do you have any right now? I don’t think we have any.

J - Jobs.

Do you need a job? Nah, I already have one.

Where do you work? Media/PR industry.

Where would you work? I wouldn’t change jobs/industries. This is where I wanted to end up in, and I’m really really glad and fortunate to have landed here on my first shot, right out of college, and during a pendemic.

How much money would you like to get paid? An additional P5k (~$100) would probably be more satisfying, but considering my parents aren’t the traditional Filipino parents who suck 100% of my earnings right out of me the second payday comes, I’m able to enjoy a substantial chunk of money to myself, give them a portion of my earnings, and still be able to save.

K - Kissing.

Who was the last person you kissed? That would be my ex.

Will you next kiss be a mistake? I have no idea when that would be and with whom it will be shared, so I won’t be able to give you a definite answer.

Do you kiss someone everyday? Other than my dogs, nah.

Who was your first kiss? The aforementioned ex.

L - Love.

Who do you love the most in your life? My best friends. I’m also doing a whole lot better in the self-love department these days, so that too :)

Have you ever been in love before? Yeah.

Does it make you so happy when you feel the feeling of love? Sure. It feels light and comfortable, especially when it’s shared.

Why is this word so hard to describe? Because everyone feels love differently. < There we go.

M - Mom.

What is your mom’s name? Abigail.

What is she doing right now? She was watching The Good Doctor the last time I checked on her like five minutes ago. It’s her latest obsession.

Where does she work? She works in the food and beverage department of a 5-star hotel in the city.

Do you two shop together a lot? I rarely do my shopping with either of my parents.

N - Netflix.

Do you have Netflix? Technically, I guess. My dad pays for it and we have a family account.

If not, what movies would you order? I don’t think I’ve ever ordered a movie before. Before streaming on Netflix, I just used to get illegal torrents lol.

Do you rent a lot of movies? I’ve never rented a movie. Was too young for it, I think.

Do you have the tool where it just downloads to your tv? No.

O - Ohio.

Is this the state in which you live in? I don’t even live in the US. Never been there either. < Same.

Is Ohio State your favorite football team? I don’t like football.

Did you know Ohio Is For Lovers? I’m not familiar.

Have you ever been to Ohio? See first answer in this section.

Q - Quitting.

What was the last thing you quit doing? Practicing on Duolingo. I had an extremely short period of using the app again a couple of months ago, but I lasted all of two days hahaha I had been trying to get back on learning Korean, but I enrolled in official lessons not long after that anyway so it didn’t make sense to continue the stages in the app.

Do you need to quit talking to someone right now? Nope. The people I’m talking to right now in between this survey are all welcome conversations.

Would you ever quit school? That wasn’t an option for me and I never would’ve done it anyway. 

Don’t you think quitting is stupid? No. Sometimes it can be the strongest thing you can do for yourself.

R - Reading.

What was the last book you read? Does my Korean lesson textbook count hahaha...if not, I haven’t really read anything in years.

Do you own a lot of books? I do, but they are all books from my childhood and teenage years. It’s been a while since I last updated my bookshelf.

Do you have a library card? No, haven’t had one since Grade 1.

Have you ever read a book that changed your life? Without Seeing the Dawn was pretty influential to me, but I dunno about ‘life-changing.’ I need to read more to find the book that would have that effect on me.

S - Safety.

Do you always wear your seat belt? I do these days. I didn’t really practice it when I used to drive to school, whoops. Always forgot to do it.

When riding a four-wheeler do you wear a helmet? I rarely get to do that.

Did you ever wear knee pads and a helmet when riding your bike? Nah. I can’t ride a bike either. Do you always think safety first? In COVID terms, yeah. I have a face mask and shield on as soon as I find myself outdoors.

T - Talk

Who was the last person you talked to? Reena. Who are you talking to right now? Nobody. It’s just me, this survey, and some music in the background.

Who did you last talk to before you went to bed last night? Angela and Reena, if I’m not mistaken.

Do you need to talk to anybody right now? No, I’m good.

U - US ARMY

Do you support it? I don’t know enough about it to have a bold opinion, considering I’m not even from the US and it’s been a while since their army has had any strong contact with my country.

Do you know anybody who is in the army right now? I think one of Angela’s uncles has a high position in our national army.

Don’t you ever wonder why their camo doesn’t match anything? Not really.

Would you ever go to the army? No.

V - Virgin.

Are you a virgin? Nope.

When did you lose your virginity? I was 18.

Do you wish you would’ve waited? Nah, it felt right when I did it the first time; and I maintain that stance now even though I’m no longer with that person.

Do you think you could have stayed a virgin until marriage? I could. Sex isn’t a big deal to me.

W - What.

What are you doing right now besides this survey? I’m also listening to mono. and taking bites from my doughnut every now and then.

What are you craving? Spicy tuna salad, but it can wait. Andi got me my favorite truffle baked macaroni because it’s CM Punk day today :D :D and that’s able to satisfy my savory cravings for now.

What do you need to buy? Shelves.

Why are you taking my survey? I’ve mentioned this before but I like categorized/themed surveys, so alphabetical ones are always fun for me.

X -Xanax 

Do you know anybody who is addicted to Xanax? I don’t think so.

Have you ever taken it before? No.

Do you even know what it is? No, actually.

Have you ever suffered from anxiety or depression? I’m sure I have.

Y - Yourself.

Name. Robyn.

Age. 23.

Do you smile a lot? Sure, I’d say that’s common these days.

Z - Zebra.

Are you addicted to zebra striped? Not really.

Do you own anything zebra striped? Nah. I have some stuff that come in black and white stripes, but not zebra print. Is anything on any of your websites zebra striped? No.