#especially since im not 100% sure what it is that actually sets me off

[cinnabeat]

ughhhh i want earrings :(

[bbyobbyo]

You don’t usually wake up at the same time as Jihoon, but he definitely makes sure that you wake up with him everyday.

content: fluff, established relationship, idol!Jihoon x non-idol!reader, domesticity, spotify as a plot point lol

wc: 1.6k

note: inspired by this reddit post which i thought was 100% something jihoon would do especially now that i know he uses spotify lol. i feel like im the only one who finds it hardest to write for their bias, i get really in my head about whether or not im portraying him in the way I want to. i’ve never written idol!au either (bc i think it’s easy to overdo) which only adds to me overthinking ahhhh but hope that you guys enjoy this one !! as always feedback or comments are appreciated 🥰 I read all of them and they make me so happy hehe

[read pt.2 here!]

Jihoon swears there's something magical about waking up to a calm and quiet morning. The sun is barely just rising, blanketing the world in a soft twilight that cuts the dark blues of the waning night. And in his bed, he finds something equally as magical: your soundly sleeping figure next to him. The world is silent except for your steady breaths, and he has to take extra caution to not fall asleep again if just to enjoy the brief moments of tranquility like this during his otherwise busy life. Eventually he gets up to start his schedule for the day, taking one last look at your peaceful slumber in fondness before he closes the door behind him.

Make no mistake, Jihoon loves his job. Having 13 members in his group is fantastic, except when you realize that 13 people requiring styling and wardrobe before every public appearance takes a lot of time. His mornings may start early, but in reality most of his time is spent listening to music in salon chairs and dozing off in waiting rooms.

In fact, it was in the middle of getting his makeup done when he discovered that around 8:20 am every day, his Spotify (which he uses to listen to his daily Bruno Mars Mix playlist) stops playing on his phone and switches to… the speaker at home? He bought a new speaker a few days ago because the last one you had was on its last legs from years of use, but if it’s malfunctioning already then he might have to look into getting a new speaker sooner than he thought.

Upon closer observation, Jihoon also notices that the song has changed — it’s playing one of his songs, your favorite one actually. Immediately he realizes what happened. He contemplates shooting you a text to tell you to disconnect him and just sync your own Spotify account to the speaker, you’re home more often than him anyway. That thought quickly disappears, however, as he imagines you getting ready for work listening to the sound of his voice and genuinely enjoying the music that he pours his heart and soul into, he can’t bring himself to disturb you even for a moment. His eyes soften as he stares blankly at the Spotify home screen, headphones now deafeningly silent. Surely, Jihoon decides, he can live without his Bruno Mars Mix for just a while longer.

-

You sometimes wonder if your boyfriend is magic. Although a good morning text has been standard in your relationship since the beginning, it's starting to concern you how perfectly timed it is.

Normally, your morning routine is simple. Wake up. Get out of bed. Bump some tunes. Check your notifications. Brush teeth. Wash face. Get dressed. Pack bag. Leave the house.

You’re usually the one to text him good morning given your later wake up time, yet he’s been beating you to it lately. Yes, he knows you set your alarm 8:15 everyday because it's “the perfect amount of time you need to get ready and still make it to work on the dot”. But that doesn't explain why “rise n shine babe :))” pops up on your phone as you brush your teeth on the days you wake up early, too.

[8:06 am] you have to tell me how you do it

[8:06 am] Do what????

[8:07 am] im onto you mister 👁👄👁

[8:07 am] 👍👍👍

You spiral through the possible scenarios in your head: he has your location, but that wouldn’t tell him when you woke up right? Does your icon move around on the map? No, the location data isn’t that accurate. Maybe when you open your phone, your Facebook status shows that you’re online? No, you know for a fact that you both haven’t opened that app in years. Hmm, did he plant cameras everywhere in the apartment? Sure, you get the security utility of it but if he did it without telling you, there would be some SERIOUS things to talk about, maybe it really is all just guesswork and coincidence?

Sigh… you’ll get to the bottom of this eventually.

-

Jihoon doesn’t plan on telling you, but rather wants you to figure it out yourself. After all, he’s been dropping so many hints already. Your chill hangouts at his studio have a gentle hum of your favorite songs as background noise. He purposely asks you about the new albums of your favorite artists that, surprise, he’s already listened to. He even makes it a point to remind you that the speaker at home is hooked to his account every now and then.

Sometimes, he swears that you’ve figured it out and were just messing with him when you make little comments about your his song choices like “Really babe, you listen to your own songs this often? Are you sure you’re not a narcissist or something?” But besides these moments, there was no indication that you knew about his secret morning routine as you questioned him regularly about his tactics.

He has to admit, it was kind of amusing to see you growing increasingly suspicious of how on earth he figures out when you wake up, being particularly fond of the cute annoyed face you make when he tells you “No babe, I did not put an Air Tag in your pajamas, you barely sleep in clothes anyway.” Even your pout is adorable as you pretend to give him the silent treatment, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to keep it up for long. His little secret is safe for another day.

-

Jihoon has been working brutal hours lately. As deadlines for the upcoming albums drew near, his days start earlier than ever and end equally as late. However, the one thing he can always count on is coming home to you waiting for him.

It was the night of the new album release and you were more excited than usual, greeting him at the door like a lovesick puppy as soon as you heard the door handle turning. “Hi love, what are you doing up so late?” he pulls you into a quick kiss as he sets his stuff down.

“I wanted to wait to listen to the new album with you so you could see my reaction to it!” your eyes were beaming with enthusiasm. Jihoon’s heart swells at the sentiment, knowing that his partner supports him and his passions with such sincerity. You excitedly motion him to join you in your shared bedroom, full of anticipation to hear the fruits of your boyfriend’s labor for the past months. “Alright, you’re not allowed to be disappointed then” he jokes as he pulls out his phone, quickly finding the recently released album and making sure the volume is high enough before tapping the first track and handing it over to you.

Only a few seconds of the song passes before an idea flashes across your eyes. “Wait, let’s play it on the speaker!” you interrupt. You’re on your feet in seconds and before Jihoon could even reach over to press pause, you’ve already commanded your home speaker to play the track out loud. The music immediately ceases on his phone and switches over to the speaker.

Shit, he’s done for, he thinks to himself. He studies your face carefully for any indication that he’s been found out but surprisingly, your attention is laser focused on the melodies now reverberating around your apartment. You’re mostly quiet during the songs but the rhythmic nodding of your head and facial expressions are a tell all of how much you enjoy each track that plays, contorting in a myriad of impressed shapes as killing part after killing part reaches your ears.

As the album comes to an end you look like you’re about to burst at the seams. Your boyfriend can’t control his smile as compliments and detailed thoughts flow freely from your lips for the rest of the night, not ceasing even as the both of you walk through your unwinding routines together. God, you love comeback days. The elaborate music show stages that you will undoubtedly watch later that evening has already been pre-recorded, giving you precious time together in the morning before his schedule whisks him away from your arms once again.

As you get ready for bed, you drift off to sleep knowing that tomorrow, for the first time in what seems like forever, you can finally tell him good morning in person before he can.

-

Your alarm rings at 8:15 am. Jihoon doesn’t need to be up this early, but he would do anything in order to be the first thing you see when you wake. You roll around in his embrace and press a kiss to his cheek. “Good morning” you both whisper to each other at the same time, sending you both into a fit of giggles as you argue who said it first.

Jihoon watches in adoration from the bed as you so naturally go through your morning routine, one that he misses out on more often than he would like. Today, you forgo your usual morning songs as you queue up your personal favorites off the new album, much to his delight. He tries his best to burn this scene into his memory as you gather your things and prepare to head out, giving him one last kiss. You’re about to unlock the door when you pause in your tracks.

“Baby?”

“Hmm?” he hums back from the bedroom.

“Enjoy the speaker, I can’t kick you off today.” you say with a smirk on your face as you exit the apartment, leaving Jihoon speechless.

[loudclan-clangen]

(I thought of something funny)

Whenever Owlstar comes back to camp from solo walks, there's just this giant banner at the entrance reading "Welcome Back, Cheater."

Slitsplash swears they didn't put it up, but appreciates whoever did it.

Meanwhile, Fiercestripe is smirking in the background. (She did it)

They’re throwing him a party!

(˃̣̣̥▽˂̣̣̥) These asks all flow together so well I genuinely cannot tell if they are multiple people or just one person who is SO PISSED. Made my night to see these all come in at about 2am. If Owlstar has 100 haters im one of them, if Owlstar has 1 hater it's me, if Owlstar has no haters im dead.

I do! It was actually incredibly comical from my perspective because Eklutna showed up, did fuck all for 5 moons, got pregnant, then promptly died giving birth, to which i went "aw, that sucks" clicked on her kits, and SAW THAT THIER DAD WAS THE LEADER, SOMETHING THAT I DID NOT KNOW COULD HAPPEN. Eklutna didn't even have any romantic like for him, to my recollection, and Owlstar had like maybe a single tick for her? It was really just lucky rng I guess. Owl and Silt actually didn't break up in the game at all, in my original draft for the story, when i was just writing notes as i played, Siltsplash was a lot more... okay with it? Like they were pissed but their personality was a lot more demure so they didn't act on anything really. The exact quote from the draft was: "I won’t lie to you. I’m angry. Starclan, I’m more than angry, I’m furious. I have half the mind to tell you to leave and never come back.” They paused, seeing Owlstar deflate and taking some slight, bitter satisfaction in it before continuing, “But that wouldn’t be fair to those kits. They didn’t ask to be born, much less to you. They deserve to have a family, or as much of it as they are able to have, and starclan help me we’re in this together." It certainly fit with what I knew about them then, but given my ability to look forward and see future events, I decided that a break up made more sense.

Don't be sorry! I am not currently in artfight, I'm considering it but I wouldn't be able to be very active due to school, and I don't want to take another break from this blog so soon after my last, so it's not very high up on my list of priorities. I'm kinda casually working on refs for the more popular characters, so there's a chance I'll get those done and join a team, especially if it's something you guys want me to do. If that happens I'll be sure to let you guys know! I am now in art fight! I gave into peer pressure again. (In a good way).

I don't think even Silt knew. Siltsplash was OUT of it after their conversation with Owlstar, (see: the Eklutna hallucination), and they probably didn't even know where they were headed until they reached the nursery. But after setting eyes on the kits, Siltslpash knew that there was only one option. Yes, they "took the kids in the divorce" but truly they weren't thinking about revenge. They just saw kids who needed something that they could provide.

In terms of writing, though, since I have hundreds of moons of foresight, it was a total bait and switch. I needed to make sure that people had a reason to come back after the break and any comic with kittens in it usually gets a lot of attention, so it was a "marketing" decision to split up the moon the way that I did, in order to make sure that there wasn't too bad of a fall off in interaction for the blog.

In game Eklutna had an affair with Owlstar, died giving birth, and the "died giving birth" event overwrote the "reveal affair" event so technically, in game Owlstar didn't reveal the affair... ever? (Though I had written in my notes that he told Siltsplash who took them as their own). Story wise, Owlstar hadn't planned to tell anyone until the kits started asking about who their father was. Then he would tell them, and would probably reveal it to the clan when they earned their names and were able to become deputy. But, when Eklutna died all that went out the window. For all his faults, Owlstar is not a bad dad, and he would never leave his kits orphaned, even if it would get him in a lot of trouble to do so. He really does care for them, and he feels terrible about how much he's screwed up their lives so far.

He did bad, deitycrows, he did bad. He cheated on his mate and then his affair partner died in childbirth so he's not very popular rn, I've got to be honest.

I don't think it helps at all but, Owlstar did really genuinely like Eklutna! Now, was that because she never opposed him on anything and flattered him with adoring compliments at every opportunity? Possibly. But the "Starclan said" thing was honestly just more of an excuse for him. He woulda had an affair anyway, he just wouldn't have intentionally had kits with her.

:) Eklutna liked... the power that Owlstar held. She liked that he was chosen by Starclan to lead the clan, she liked that his kits are meant to inherit the position of leadership, and she liked that as the mother of his kits she would have a lot of control over both him and the leader after him. As far as his personality... he's kinda a clown but she could live with that.

To be frank: The order of inheritance is ABSOLUTELY FUCKED. If Eklutna had lived, it would be easy. She would take over as deputy until one of the kits was old enough to hold the position. But, since she's dead and Owlstar's only heirs are literal infants, as their adoptive parent Siltsplash is still the deputy for now. What happens when the kits reach adulthood is kinda up for debate. As Owlstar's closest descendant, Songkit should be deputy upon earning his warrior name, BUT Siltsplash is very much against that plan, and the kits might not want to go against their most attentive parent. So the very unhelpful answer is: We have to wait and see what the characters decide.

Thank you so much! I love to hear from first time viewers and see what you guys think of the characters! I'm glad that the dialogue worked so well and Eklutna definitely has Sol vibes! You look at both of them and go "in what world would this plan work the way you wanted it to???"

[thoughtsforsoob]

their s/o is a teacher! - nct dream

a/n: lmao ig im just gonna have to ignore that hate ive been getting! I'm gonna write for nct dream this time because for some reasons some MOA's are not being very kind towards my work. That is not an attack towards MOA because I am one of the biggest MOA's I know...it's jut not fair that some of the people I should be cool with are being so incredibly rude...over and over. anyways, that is all from me on that. please enjoy! as always, requests are open!

(I'm gonna add a cut off here so if you don't wanna read, you don't have to)

☆ mark lee ☆

he thinks it's so cute, especially if you teach little ones (kindergarten/1st grade)

he loves asking you about your classroom and how your work is going

he even helps you grade students assignments and he loves seeing what they say on their assignments

he also likes seeing their art work

he meets your students when you have a classroom part and he helps you set up

they immediately start to ask 100 questions, like kids do, ad he is totally okay with it.

he enthusiastically answers all their questions and they love him

they always ask for him every day after that

☆ huang renjun ☆

renjun thinks it's funny if you teach middle school

he is too good at listening to what happened during your day

he laughs at all the stories of students running around and causing chaos

he love's looking at the assignments you give them and tries to do them himself

he whines when he can't get something right and whines even more when you tell him you students got 100% on that question

☆ lee jeno ☆

he's one that thinks you teaching the older ones is cool

you're actually a college professor so he think's that's WAY cooler

he enjoys hearing you talk about the subject you teach and love's to hear you talk about your students and the assignments you gave them

when you offer to give him a your of the campus you work at, he is jumping at the chance

he even buys gear from the university you work at and wears it all the time (the letterman style jacket you got him is his favorite! he wear's it often and even wore it during a soundcheck of one of nct dream's concerts).

you bump into a few students and say hello, introducing jeno as your boyfriend

☆ na jaemin ☆

you teach kindergartners and he adores it

you helps you set up the different bulletin boards in your classroom and helps you organize/set up everything else

he loves to ask you about your lesson plans and you always ask him for ideas for activities and he helps you every time

he really want's to meet the little ones so after the year is done and they are graduating, he attends the event

they ask you, "teacher, who is that handsome man you were with? is that your boyfriend?"

they all giggle and go "ooooo!" and you tell them yes, that's him!

they run to meet him after the ceremony

☆ lee haechan ☆

he would probably find it interesting if you teach high schoolers

since the first time you told him about all your students, he always asks about them and want's you to update them about how they're doing

his favorite thing to do for your students is to send them stuff!

he gives you money so you can buy them snacks for your classroom (and other supplies! my teachers in high school always had sanitary pads, tampons, snacks, and other stuff in them in case students needed them)

he wants to help you make sure your students feel safe in their classroom

he also funds the senior pizza party at the end of the year and even makes an appearance!

☆ zhong chenle ☆

I believe Chenle is also good with little ones since he's always posting with his family (especially his, I believe, little nephew)

he love's helping you choose coloring pages for your students to do when they're done with their minute math sheets (the stress it causes is always rewarded with coloring time!)

he also likes to buy nice supplies for you students

you tell hi not to do it, because kids love to break things and lose them, but he doesn't listen

he love's going supply shopping (he get's all the brand names like Crayola :0)

he also helps grade assignments!

☆ park jisung ☆

you teach middle school and he loves it

he loves hearing the stories of your students acting out during class because it makes him giggle

just give him a glare and he will stop laughing at your misfortune

he helps you grade their papers

sighs every time he get's a that says 'idk'

it's all fun and games until get's those papers...then he wants to flip the kitchen table other and help you quit your job

because he knows how much they stress you out, he's always making sure you're distressing at home.

fetching you a warm cup of coffee/tea, making/buying dinner, giving you massages, helping you with other class stuff.

[milksuu]

ur aphelios fic w solari priestess reader was soooo good, i can't stop going back to reread it bc i'm eager for pt 2 if you do end up writing one 😭😭 but there's so much potential for this man bc hello ?? enemies to lovers(?uh) ?? i really like the idea that they're on opposite sides bc as a lover of solari n lunari lore, it feels much more taboo. especially considering how scornful the solari people are of the lunari people which is clear in how the reader treats him 😕 a bit unjustified but it's nice that we aren't exactly a blank sheet of paper in this bc ofc we'd still have to abide by our morals and views 🩵🩵 i also wonder what alune thinks of this if she ever found out, would she even in the first place LMAO "i fear your brother nonconned me 😓😨🧟‍♂️" HDHDHDHS whenever there's an aphelios fic alune always pops into my mind afterwards since she's so dear to me, would the reader ever interact w her through aphelios? bisexuals really winning w this champ 😔

LKJSDVGBFLJHSDFVLSH!! omfg thank you for thinking so much about it. im cryiinnngggg!!! and yeah, im totally writing a part two. I'm at 1.8k words right now. sorry I bounce around a lot so i take a while to write lol.

BUT UGH YES. i definitely wanted to do an enemies/lovers kind of feel. (although i think in phels perspective reader's more 'lover' by his terms because well he's pretty unhinged in his perspective. what can we expect from a guy born and raised as a religious assassin who only ever interacts to his sister?? yeah his 'social' skills aren't going to be the best lmfao)

and like you stated anon, them being lunari/solari just adds the extra layers of drama, depth, and juicy plot potential. all in all, quite a banger.

as far as alune goess, I'd say she 100% knew. only because, alune is a Seer that shows aphelios' path, and directs him on missions. basically the moon told alune "yeah this is going to happen" then alune was like "heyyy soo....you're going to have to do this bro" and then ofc phel was somewhat conflicted the whole time but hey FAITH is never questioning and doing what you're told cause it's supposedly 'right'. and he definitely wants the believe it was all for a 'good' reason. Like him and reader are destined lovers since otherwise, why would the moon have him do that instead of just kill her? kinda like getting a gift for always being obedient to his faith (the copium is strong with this one). but yeah, phel made sure the toxin wore off so that his poor sister didn't have to endure that. (but assassinating people is totally fine obvs!)

alune and reader would have some sort of relationship a bit later. reader is technically a priestess, even though a solari one, she'd still be able to have some way to connect to the spirit realm. or reader can feel the ethereal vibrations emanating from him, but not fully understand/hone in alune's presence. but i think slowly over time, readers growing connection with aphelios will have her gradually connected with alune at some point.

and I want to say the moon goddess has a plan as to why that had to be done to reader. not sure how far i'll actually get to reveal it or develop it, since honestly, i had no intention of continuing let alone build any lore (THIS WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO BE SMUT DAMNIT HAHA) but we'll see.

whew, kinda went on a tangent, but i hope i've given you some good context anon! again, thank you for rereading my fixations and wanting more. as you can see, you've set off my dopamine receptors with this post lmfao. <3

stay tuned for part 2. ;3

[toastthewolfie]

thinking a bit more abt alicia

(note: this’ll probably be updated but ive been working on this for a while and just want it to be DONE. Also i have NOT spellchecked this so apologies for any mistypes or incorrectly spelled word's (and grammar), but i am happy with it right now so here :3)

Small Overview: Alica ‘Cheetah’ Norris is my rainbow 6 siege oc. She’s a three speed one armor attacker and her ‘skill’ is a dart gun (the darts have a agent in them that causes temporary paralysis)

Small information thing that i dunno how to title: She’s 5’6, uses she/they, and is mixed (Latina/white, but she grew up in a mostly white American family so she’s not really in touch with her heritage).

Weapons: unsure what weapon she’s gonna use specifically but probably an assault riffle of some sort. Extremely unsure on secondary and gadgets (though probably flashbangs or frags)

rest under the tags bc LENGTH

Background/Past Experience Revamp: as ive said before, she’s a hostage negotiator. Except im changing her background quite a bit (she was part of the American ATF as a field agent before becoming a hostage negotiator but upon further research, she was part of SWAT (after a few years of being a patrol officer) after failing to get into the FBI and, despite how many of her instructors viewed her as mildly incapable due to ✨crippling anxiety✨(shes just like me fr), she managed to prove that she was in fact highly competent and able to defuse situations without too much training prior hence how she became a hostage negotiator at the age of 25 (shes older now so yay (EDIT: was reading over it and noticed i put 35 instead of 25 so sorry about that!)) and, despite not being military fbi, her skills on the field caught Rainbow’s attention, hence how she got in).

(fun fact: most of her scars actually come from setting up barbed wire, she hasnt had a lot of experience with it so she ended up cutting up her hands and lower arms when trying to learn it.)

Personality Revamp: While she’s still incredibly anxious, I’ve made her way more capable on the field. While off the field, she’s quite literally the definition of a ball of anxiety with legs, on the field the adrenaline steadies her nerves and throws her into the correct headspace to fight, though it’s kind of like a light switch. One moment she’s quietly freaking out and the next she appears completely calm and is talking strategy.

Counters: i dunno why ive just been thinking about this quite a bit 😭 Kure - I mean. She operates 2 robots. Im not an expert on robotics (far from it, i literally want to become an air traffic controller DO NOT QUOTE ME ON ANYTHING I YAP ABT) but im pretty sure that they’d be immune to a dart of paralytic fluid (unless maybe Alicia hits it in the right spot, and even then it’d be damaging the actual robot). Doc - Kind of in the sense that his stim pistol can reduce the affect of the dart (especially on himself) but im not 100% on this yet. Fenrir - This is more ‘lore’ based than game based but I imagine that Fenrir’s dread mines affect Alicia’s performance (aka exacerbating her already present anxiety). I was thinking about it and thought that the idea of Alicia nerfing herself via failed reloads would be really interesting! And then the idea that Fenrir’s dread mines (since they affect the mind for a short period of time) exist, what if Alicia has a chance of failing a reload while in the affected area, the chance increasing the longer one spends in the area.

Relationships: (Alicia is AroAce so none of these are romantic :3) Quite literally terrified of 90% of people on base. Most notably all the Russians, Zero, and Ash. She’s friendly with Blitz and Mozzie and acquainted with Fenrir (mostly due the fact that she has enough confidence in his loyalty to Rainbow) and Doc as she’s part of Wolfguard and likes being semi-acquainted with her team leader. (She is trying to expand the amount of people she’s acquainted with but it’s kinda hard when you’re scared of most everyone.)

Backstory: Okaaay Alicia’s backstory wasn’t really defined in the past but since my writing skills are better now, im working on it a bit more :D

Alicia was adopted by her parents (she doesn’t know her bioparents nor does she have any real interest in finding them) when she was 4. Her parents, however, were killed in a hit-and-run incident when she was 12, her aunt (Aurelia Norris)) then took custody of her (fun fact: both Aurelia and Alicia have poliosis!).

At the age of 18, she went into college for a degree in criminal psychology. After receiving her degree, alicia applied to her local police department (and the FBI but she was rejected, obviously), managed to become a patrol officer, and eventually joined SWAT where she proved her ability to defuse hostage situations in a pinch (despite almost everyone not believing it due to the fact that alicia was incredibly jumpy and panicky) hence her promotion of sorts to a crisis negotiator (that mostly focuses on hostage situations).

at the age of 32, she caught the attention of a few rainbow recruiters and after a bit of digging, she wasn’t considered for recruitment. It was only a year later when Rainbow was working with her unit and they finally got to see her operate, hence how she, after being recommended by her commanding officers, ended up in Rainbow.

Of course, there was a very large gap between her and the others as she was a crisis negotiator from a random ass town in who the fuck knows where (not me, thats for sure) America while these guys are the best of the best of their respective militaries (She does always try to keep up but she’s still a little behind on a few things) and that combined with her anxiety around change and these new people just kinda left her as a outsider (not that she really minded. It hurt sometimes, sure, but she already didnt talk a lot so..).

Callsign: Alicia got her callsign (Cheetah) from her speed, mostly. Cheetahs, while fast, are incredibly anxious, hence why people thought it was a good idea. Alicia hasnt really ever had a callsign so she just kinda rolled with it because what else was she to do. (She’s still not the most experienced with military culture and whatnot)

[notanotherfandombloge]

#I am truly disappointed that we didnt get absolute confirmation that Taigen saw Mizus bound chest and just didnt think it was a big deal#but I still think that scene is making a point#again I dont think most people take the glasses jokes seriously#but its been bothering me ever since I first saw them#I really dont think Mizu just looks like a 100 percent Japanese person...... with blue eyes#and I bet that will be made even more obvious when she goes to London where Im sure she will meet plenty of people#who are more than happy to point out their observations to her#also I ran out of room in this post to go into it but this is also what made Mizus marriage an absolutely doomed prospect#Mikio talks about wanting to find the right creature for his lord and well... a mixed race woman is the right creature huh#he just needed a little push imo#getting kind of sad at the thought that Ringo is the only person in Mizus life who knows her whole identity AND accepts it wholly

#this is also part of why i think it's very... questionable... for people to attribute mizu refusing to drop the male disguise#as proof of a trans identity. like being found out as a woman is clearly *actively dangerous* to her#the canon so far is open to interpretation but being a woman in disguise IS a valid and frankly very compelling option (via ladyluscinia)

#i don't think taigen saw her imo#ringo was *extremely* protective of her during this moment#more than we see at any other point#my gut tells me off screen ringo set extremely clear boundaries#that taigen was not to come in any further than where he was#and secondly her binding is so tight it doesn't look like she even has breasts under there and#it could easily seem like bandaging if he did happen to get a glimpse#especially since its clear by that point she is often getting hurt#either way i don't think taigen saw OR if he did realized what it was#he was way too much a loyal lapdog to his lord at this point not to rat her out if he knew#it would have restored his honor in a heartbeat to be the one to turn her in#after the teaparty is when he actually developed respect and admiration enough to be tortured#although it does remain a possibility!#i've always found it interesting the way he emphasizes the he/him pronouns when talking to okiyama#so i mean it definitely is possible and maybe he was just so fascinated and flabbergasted#and wanted to see what she was capable of so he just went along with it#idk my gut tells me he doesn't know tho (via moki-dokie)

Mizu's spectacles, and the levels of her disguise

In drafting some more Blue Eye Samurai meta posts, I find myself writing out the comparisons between what Mizu can and cannot hide about herself, and how that affects how she moves through the world.

Like, I get the jokes about Mizu's glasses, if only color contacts had existed back then, etc. etc., and I think (hope) that most viewers don't take the glasses jokes seriously, as in "I don't care about the suspension of disbelief because BES is a cartoon." But I wanted to write these thoughts out anyway without burying them in a text post about something else.

I think the points I'm going to lay out here are viewed very differently by different people, so please feel free to add to this post, reply, or put your thoughts in the tags!

Not only do Mizu's glasses not actually help her that much, there's surely more to Mizu's mixed race appearance than just the color of her eyes.

In my view, this was pointed out in episode 1:

I'm willing to bet most of us were expecting young Taigen to say "blue eyes," not "ROUND eyes."

Obviously this is still about Mizu's eyes, but not even spectacles can hide their shape.

I don't think the show is obligated to point out everything about Mizu's face that isn't quite as Japanese as the people around her expect. Though the creators have said that they specifically designed Mizu - and her clothes - to read both as "white" and as "Japanese," as well as both male and female. I think there's more about Mizu's features that read as "white" than just her eyes.

This is where my own headcanons start entering the picture, but it's my impression that people can just tell that Mizu looks different, whether or not they can put a finger on exactly how.

There's the little girl who looks at Mizu and then hides on the way into Kyoto:

When there's more to your face you'd like to cover up than just your eyes, big hats are a big help!

By the way, most of these examples have to come from the first half of the season, since by the second half, either Mizu is too preoccupied with fighting henchmen, or everyone Mizu is facing knows who she is already, and she therefore has no reason to hide her mixed race identity.

It's worth mentioning that the mere fact that Mizu has to hide multiple aspects of her identity - her mixed race and her sex - results in her having to choose clothes that really, really cover her up, which doesn't win her any favors either:

(Zatoichi reference, anyone?)

If it were as easy as, for example, tying her glasses to her head and wa-lah, nobody would ever know she was half-white - then (1) Mizu would've just done that long ago, and (2) Mizu wouldn't be so on guard and on tenterhooks 100% of the time the way she's depicted in the show, even when her glasses are on.

Her spectacles sure don't help her in the brothel, which is full of observant women who are trying to seduce her, meaning they get good long looks at her:

Mizu never takes her glasses off, but they still send a woman to her who has light eyes, thinking that must be what will interest a blue-eyed man:

No wonder Mizu gets mad after this, lol

So Mizu never takes her spectacles off in the brothel, it's dimly lit inside, and the women can still tell that she has blue eyes. I'm getting the sense that Mizu putting on her spectacles isn't a guarantee that people suddenly can't tell that she looks different.

And yet no one spots that she's female.

Mizu can hide her breasts, can wear her hair in the right style, can hide what's between her legs, can walk and talk and behave like a man - and she's been doing it for almost her entire life, to the point that not only is she very good at it, but the threat of being found out as female is deadly, but isn't presented in the show as omnipresent.

Let me explain.

She threatens Ringo for nearly saying the word "girl" out loud, because while she's constantly ostracized for being mixed race, being a woman traveling without a chaperone, carrying a sword, and disguised as a man will get her killed or flogged or arrested or some combination of these things.

But in addition, it's been drilled into her since she was a child that if she is discovered as female, the combination of her being mixed race and female will identify her as someone extremely specific, someone known to some bad people, and she will be killed:

I think of it as Mizu thinking to herself, "Being found out as mixed race means I'm treated badly. Being found out as mixed race and a woman means I'm dead."

Mizu's hair is cut as a child. But she isn't made to wear a big hat, or cover her eyes somehow, or anything like that. Because hiding her sex is a more successful endeavor than hiding her race.

Ringo finds out she's female by accident, but once Mizu accepts the fact that he won't rat her out, she relaxes pretty early on in the season. Because the threat of being found out as female is mitigated pretty much 99.9%, since Mizu has gotten so good at being a man. And also, because most of the time, people see what they want to see. Even if Mizu's face makes her stand out as "not 100% Japanese," no one in the world of BES looks at Mizu's clothes, her bearing, her sword, hears her voice, and will ever in a million years conclude that she is a woman, because expectations around gender roles in the Edo period were so rigid and so widely enforced.

One detail that proved this to me is after the Four Fangs fight:

Ringo takes off Mizu's clothes so he can stitch her up, then leaves her clothes off even after he's done. He doesn't even throw her cloak over her as a blanket or anything. There's a little a straw (pallet?) as a divider there on the left, but anyone could just peek around it and see Mizu and her chest bindings. (I think it's mostly there as a windbreaker.)

And Taigen is right there, but he doesn't give a shit:

Opinions probably vary hugely on this, but my impression is that because the show doesn't make any kind of deal about Taigen being in the room with Mizu here, my guess is that Mizu isn't in any danger of Taigen thinking she's female. Even when I watched the show for the first time, I assumed that Taigen had seen Mizu out of her clothes here, and that he thought nothing of it.

Eat your heart out, Li Shang (Mulan 1998). I actually do think that this scene is a direct and purposeful side-eye to that movie, lol

There's obviously some nuance to how "severe" being mixed race is compared to how "severe" being a woman is for Mizu:

After all, Swordfather can't bear to listen to Mizu confess to being a woman.

So a Japanese man can go wherever he wants, whenever he wants in BES. A Japanese woman has limited options: marriage, religion, or a brothel. A mixed-race man is an eyesore in this story. A mixed-race woman is a death sentence.

May as well eliminate the female aspect, and do what you can about the mixed-race aspect. Because that's just realistic.

Meaning Mizu can avoid the strictures Edo society places on women. But she can't avoid the repercussions that come with being mixed race. And I truly don't think that it's just because "there's no brown contacts yet."

[patt-writes-stuff]

Beach Days with The Genshin Characters!

Wc: 1.7k+

Type: Headcanons

CW: umm nothing except mentions of alcohol and maybe people being creeps? (None of the chars or you tho it’s very brief)

A/N: HI IM BACK FROM THE DEAD! These were supposed to be a lot shorter but I got too excited. If you by any chance wanna see some for your fav character lmk! I know it says request are closed in my bio but since it’s just hcs it’s a lot less (and I really enjoyed writing these so ajdhdhdk)

🔥Diluc:

This man cannot swim. Tell me otherwise, I dare you.

Kaeya tried to jokingly push him off a lil diving cliff area when they were kids.

He almost drowned. Kaeya was in a lot of trouble.

So, good luck getting this man to actually get in the water. The most he’ll do is sit on the shore where it’s very shallow.

He usually prefers to just stay under an umbrella on the sand and keep an eye on you.

Calls you every two hours in advance and helps you reapply sunscreen.

He’s very pale so I feel like he burns pretty easily, meaning he needs to reapply super frequently otherwise he will become a tomato. He brings like three bottles of the good shit. Tch, rich boy.

If you ask him to build a sandcastle, he will pretend to be annoyed but do it anyways. Ends up finding it kind of enjoyable.

He has the maids prepare a nice picnic basket for the two of you!! It’s got all your favorite foods plus grape juice cuz y’know.

If any creepy peeps approach you, don’t worry. He brought his vision and his claymore.

Of course, he won’t have to resort to such violent lengths. Everyone in Mondstadt knows who Diluc is and they probably know you’re his s/o, so they’re usually smart enough to mind their own business.

If they don’t, don’t worry. Diluc’s glare is more than enough to scare them away.

All in all I definitely recommend a beach day with him! I’ll give it a solid 8/10 (-2 for not wearing floaties and getting in the water with you or letting you teach him how to swim.

🖌Albedo:

You guys definitely 100% take Klee out with you on a beach day.

You guys bring snacks, beach toys like buckets and shovels for optimal sandcastle building, a picnic blanket, etc.

Jean definitely packs a lot more stuff for you guys to take with you than you actually need.

It’s only cuz she’s worried for Klee and is nervous about not being able to go with you guys though! It’s very sweet really.

Klee tries to bomb the fish and cause havoc at the beach 😭

I think Albedo is a good swimmer and gets in with you and Klee so that he can help her (which is very cute omfg)

He’s set total workaholic, as we know, so it took a lot of convincing to get him to put down his experiments and accompany you to the beach (however, he’s particularly weak to yours and klee’s puppy dog eyes so he caved eventually)

Though, looking at you and Klee happily building sandcastles and decorating them with pretty seashells of all shapes and colors, he can’t really find it in himself to complain.

He, of course, takes this opportunity to take out his sketchbook and draw the waves, seagulls, you… Of course he won’t let you see the sketch book no sir. He’s a bit embarrassed to be honest, but an artist such as himself recognizes beauty when he sees it so he simply had to draw you. (God I love him so much)

If a creepy person approaches you,- well don’t worry. The sight of a small arsonist child blowing up fish is enough to scare them away 🥰

At the end of the day, all three of you are all ticketed out. Albedo has to carry Klee back to Mondstadt because the poor baby fell asleep the moment you started drying her hair with the beach towel. You’re, of course, carrying back Dodoco and your bags. (You also manage to sneak a peak at Albedo’s sketchbook and find some very pretty drawings of you and Klee with your sandcastle)

At the end of the day, you guys tuck Klee in and read her a bedtime story (she woke up and insisted). Afterwards Albedo takes you back home and thanks you for coming with you and Klee (which you ofc say wasn’t a problem because how could you not???)

All in all? I’ll give it a solid 10/10. You’ve got tasty food, fun times, your boyfriend and his cute kid adoptive sister (yes I am very biased idc)

🦋Xiao:

I think it would take a lot of convincing to get Xiao to go out on a beach date with you.

He’ll probably see it as a distraction getting in the way of his slaying of monsters and demons.

However, he also worships the grounds you walk on (hehe, simp XD), so I don’t think it’ll take that much convincing on your part (especially because it’s is self appointed duty to keep you safe so if you insist on going with or without him, he supposes he’ll have to go)

Is definitely a bit tense at first. He doesn’t know how to let loose and chill so while you’re sun tanning on a beach chair he’s like 🧍‍♂️ahdgshjsjd

Eventually calms down a bit though! You get him to relax and eat some almond tofu you brought along with you. It definitely gets him to perk up.

I don’t think he would mind getting into the water but I do think he’d rather walk along the shore and collect pretty seashells and sea glass.

He later gives the ones he deems pretties to you (he hands them over to you with a blush on his face and pretends it’s not a big deal and he definitely gets all pouty and grouchy when you coo at how adorable he is)

As for creeps, Xiao is both intimidating and well known in Liyue. No one is brave enough (or, let’s be honest, dumb enough) to approach you with any bad intentions.

Sure, Xiao has sworn never to harm a human/citizen of Liyue but that doesn’t mean he can’t scare the absolute shit out of them.

I think Xiao would definitely enjoy a beach day 🥺🥺. He’d find it very relaxing to go out with you and just hear the sound of waves and feel the sand under his feet.

He’d definitely hint at wanting to do it again later. Of course, he won’t tell you. No, that’s a foolish mortal activity and he has much better things to do.

Wait no, don't turn around, yes he will go with you next month.

All in all, I give Xiao a 9/10. It’s a very relaxing day (which he deserves 😤). And you get to see a whole new side of him.

💎Ningguang:

OK SO ORIGINALLY I WASN'T GONNA WRITE ONE FOR HER (at least not in this post) BUT THEN I THOUGHT OF LADY NINGGUANG TAKING YOU TO A WHOLE ASS PRIVATE BEACH

She knows you don’t care about how exclusive the beach you go to is (in fact, the fact that you don’t care about where you are or what you do is one of the things that make her fall more and more madly in love with you) but you deserve the best so she’s gonna go all out.

She’s a busy lady so days like this where the two of you get to go somewhere and be together are few and far between.

She knows it’s hard to be in a relationship with someone who is busy 24/7, so she appreciates how you remain by her side despite all hardships. (Y’all are a whole ass power couple istg)

The two of you spend your day relaxing. Sun bathing, drinking piña coladas, maybe taking a dip in the ocean. It’s all very pleasant!

Ningguang doesn’t quite feel like the type of person who would sit in the sand and make sandcastle, however you’re more than welcome to make some yourself. She finds it endearing <3

If you insist on her helping, she’ll eventually comply. She loves you too much to say no. I feel like she’ll either be terrible at it or like a total architect.

Sand is technically like tiny rocks right? So maybe she can use her vision to help her? If that’s the case, she’s making a replica of the Jade chamber out of sand.

If any creepy person comes up to you don’t worry. Ningguang will buy the whole beach and then use her right of admission as owner to permanently ban them from the beach you’re at.

The only downside to a day at the beach with Ningguang might be that there’s a big chance she’ll be called to tend urgent matters, seeing as she is the Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing and all.

If that does happen, she’ll be sure to make it up to you somehow, whether it be rescheduling or taking care of the matter as soon as possible so that the two of you can get back to your day of relaxation and fun.

All in all?? Lady Ningguang will treat you like total royalty and the two of you will have an amazing time! I give her an 11/10 (she would literally buy a whole beach for you to be comfortable I mean c’mon)

🍃Venti:

BEACH DAYS WITH HIM ARE SO FUN!!

Swimming? Yeah, he’d love to! Sunbathing? Sure! He’ll ever conjure up a light breeze for the two of you. Sandcastle building? WELL OF COURSE WHY DO YOU THING HE BROUGHT ALL THESE BUCKETS AND SHOVELS?

No but seriously, he might be the best person out of everyone here to go to the beach with. He’s fun, free spirited, and he’s a traveling bard who’s been alive long enough to know where all the best beaches in Teyvat are. (He also knows a guy- er, well, dragon I suppose- who is willing to fly them to any place).

He’ll play some soft tunes while you doze under the sun.

HE PICKS PRETTY SHELLS AND GIFTS THEM TO YOU!!!

He will bring booze. I’m pretty sure this is a necessity. If you’re a little upset about it, he’ll probably “eheh~” his way out of it. That slick bastard.

If you really insist on him not drinking, he won’t consume much alcohol.

If some creepy person approaches you and tries to ruin you your day of beach time fun, all of their stuff will suddenly be blown away, causing them to scramble back to their spot and (almost embarrassingly) flail around trying to catch everything. What a shame…

At the end of the day, he’d be a little sad to leave. Definitely makes plans about tbe two of you going back soon.

I gotta give him a 10/10 he’s just so fun omg.

[angstysebfan]

The Past Can Break You - 4

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

AU: Avengers

Summary: You and Bucky have been dating for aa few years. As far as you’re concerned he is the one. But what happens when a blast from the actual past shows up?

A/N: Ive seen a lot stories of Bucky getting his first love from the 40′s back. And I’ve always wondered... what would happen if he was dating someone already? Reader is from this time. Not proofread.

Warning: honestly probably not the best ive written... sorry

--

It’s been almost a week since you told Bucky you needed space. You have barely come out of your room, because you didn’t want to see him, and especially her. You wonder if this is really the end of your relationship. You are grateful that he has given you space, and according to Nat, he hasn’t gone near Dot. Dot has been spending a lot of time down in the lab with Tony. Wanting to learn about technology. Good luck to her.

Over the last few days you have been waking up to soft knocking on your door. You go to open the door and find a single red rose with no note. You figure it is Bucky, and while it makes your heart flutter, you force yourself to leave in on your dresser. As you walk down to the kitchen to eat breakfast you see Nat sitting at the counter.

“Morning, Nat,” you say quietly.

She smiles softly at you, “Morning. How are you feeling?” she asks.

You shrug as you continue making your coffee and grab your fixings for cereal. When you turn around you see Bucky sleepily walk into the kitchen. You look at the bags under his eyes and he stops short and stares at you. You feel your heart break when you know that he doesn’t sleep well without you. 

“Morning, Doll,” he says, completely ignoring Nat’s existence.

“Good morning Bucky,” you say. You decide to take your breakfast to go and shuffle around him as he walks further into the room. You stop and turn to look at him again, “Thank you for the roses. They are beautiful, “ you say before leaving.

Bucky sighs heavily when you leave and looks at Nat. “God I hope this works. I can’t live like this much longer, Nat. I miss her so goddamn much,” he says as he puts his face in his hands. 

“Barnes man up. This will work. She commented on the roses. She is hurt and doesn’t trust you, which you can’t blame her for. But the fact that she thanked you, tells me that she appreciates you putting in the effort. It’s time to do this. Let her know that you are serious about making her a priority. Now I bought everything. You go get ready and I will get her there, okay?” She says.

Bucky nods and heads out of the kitchen to get ready. He hopes that this will work. He is hoping that if anything it will show you how much he loves you and how much he wants to be with you. But he would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous that you will reject him also. But Nat seems to think this will work, so we will see.

--

You are sitting on your bed, watching Netflix when there is a knock on your door. You call for them to enter and see Nat walk through the door. She walks over and sits on your bed.

“Hey honey, how are you holding up?” she asks as she sits.

You shrug, hugging yourself. “I-I miss him. But I’m still mad at him. But I want to talk to him. But I’m scared that it will end,” you say.

Nat pulls you into a hug, “Honey, I promise he has been moping in his room all week. I don’t think he has gone near her once. Steve has been watching over her, and she has been spending a lot of time in the lab, which is weird, but whatever. He told her he was done and he meant it. Talk to him,” she says.

You can’t help the tears, “Has be been... okay?” you ask.

“He misses you. He wants to make it up to you. Are you ready to hear him out, and have a conversation with him?” Nat asked.

You sigh and think about whether or not you are ready. You look at her and node slowly, causing her to smile. “Good. I was hoping that would be your answer. Now get up and put...” she ran to the bedroom door and grabs a box from the hallway she left there, bringing it back to the bed. “This on. I’ll meet you in the garage in 1 hour,” she says before leaving. You open the box and gasp.

--

When Nat pulls up to the edge of Central Park, you look at her in question. She nods telling you to go ahead. You get out of the car and start walking down the path. As you get closer to the clearing, you hear light music. You continue walking and finally enter the clearing where you recognize you had your first date with Bucky. You look around and see roses everywhere and candles, along with music.

Finally your eyes meet Bucky, who is standing in the middle of open space. He is wearing a navy blue suit, that matches your navy blue dress that Nat gave you. He has shaved his beard to some light scruff, that makes you swoon. His hair is cut short, and looks so soft. You see he is nervous as he waits for you to make a move.

“Hi Bucky,” you say. 

He sighs and gives you a small smile, “Hi baby. I’m glad you came,” he says as he steps up to you with another rose in his hand.

He hands it to you, which causes you to smile, “Well Nat didn’t exactly give me much of a choice,” you say.

He laughs, “Yea, she has been helping me set up all of this. I’m so glad you are here. I-I wanted to... I... Baby, I can’t even find the words to apologize for being such an ass. But I’m done. I told Dot she had to deal with things herself. I told her that you were the one I want. And, I haven’t seen her since. I know that it will take a lot more than a date and begging to get you to forgive me, but I hope that we can recreate our first date because I fell in love with you that night. Not that I am expecting anything, but I owed you, and--”

You cut Bucky off with you lips slotting on his. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you impossibly close. “Bucky, I’m ready to talk. I’m ready to fix this. I’ve missed you. I love you so much, and the fact that you are doing all of this, means so much to me. This isn’t going to fix everything, but I’m ready to talk,” you say.

Bucky leads you to the table and you both sit and talk about the situation. You talk about your fears and how you felt when Dot arrived. You expressed how his actions affected you, and Bucky took everything in stride. When you finally finished going through everything, Bucky then told you how the last thing he wanted was to hurt you. He felt that he owed it Dot, because he knows how scary it is to wake up in a different time. And while he used to have love for Dot, the moment he met you and started to date you, Dot no longer held his heart. Only you. 

He told you that he will never put anything ahead of you or your relationship again. After you both agreed you will move back into your room, but Bucky still has a lot of things to make up for. You then danced the night away under the stars. You both eventually make your way back to your shared apartment. Bucky surprised you with new lingerie, the same pair he ruined that night. You got a redo of that date night, and this time, Bucky made sure you had several more orgasms, before finishing himself. No interruptions, no ex’s, just the two of you reclaiming your love on each other.

--

Dot had been trying to figure out what she could do to split you and Bucky up for good. She knew you would be pathetic and fall for his charms again, just like all the girls from back in the day. She had to step up her game in this century though, and who better to learn from then one of the smartest men who happen to live in the compound also.

She started to spend time with Tony to learn the ins and outs of technology in the 21st century. He also taught Dot how utilize FRIDAY. showed her all the fun and cool thing that no one cared to know. Dot made sure she seemed completely excited and interested, which helped Tony’s ego and gave her more information. Eventually Dot figured out something that she could use. 

She smiled when she saw both you and Bucky going into shared apartment after your date. While she hated the idea of you and Bucky together, she knew that she could use her new knowledge against you. And now was the perfect time to put that in motion.

--

Chapter 3 / Chapter 5

Not 100% how I feel about this chapter. I felt like it was getting too long so I cut it, but maybe I shouldn’t have. So I’m sorry if it’s not as good. But DRAMA ALERT!! What is Dot going to do? Feedback is appreciated!

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[strawberrymilkgeorge]

Part Nine. Minecraft Dating 101

warnings: swearing, mostly super freaking fluffy but some oopsies at the end (which is the barely-there angst that i mentioned before!!), pet names?? if that bothers you??? (like...... one or both of them might use baby.........) word count: 5.3k (not including pictures)

behind the screen (irl dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist

A/N: HEHEH SORRY ITS SO LONG SORRY hope you guys like it!!!! hope it lives up to your standards of minecraft dates lol also thank you guys all for all your suggestions!!! i loved all of them so much!!!! i would have added every idea except this was already 5k words so its much less “flirting” and more so “oh gosh im so nervous what am i supposed to do” from both of them so hehe i think thats more endearing anyway

**********

The familiar sound of a FaceTime call connecting rang in Y/n's ears and she held her phone up to her face. "Hi, Karl," she sighed.

"Y/N!!" he said with a cackle. "ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR DATE?!"

"Shut up, I'm doing this for you."

"I already gave you the tour though so really you could back out. You're choosing to stay." His voice was teasing and giddy. "Why's that, hmm?"

Heat rose instantly to Y/n's face. "Because I'm a woman of my word?"

"OkaAaAyy," he sang. "Or because you liiiiikeee himmm."

"Shhhut up, Karl. No, I don't."

"Suuuure."

"Is this why you called me?"

He giggled. "Yeah, but—"

Y/n disconnected the call and set her phone down with a small laugh and a shake of her head.

With her stream started and her chat greeted, the donation limit raised to $100 (both because she didn't want to be flooded with questions on the date and because she didn't want people to donate their hard-earned money), Y/n logged onto Dream's SMP and found the voice call Dream was in, George's name right under his.

After she clicked it to join, a small gasp emitted from her headphones before she heard Dream mutter something. "Get out, get out, leave."

George's voice was normal. "But I wanna—"

"GEORGE!" Dream yelled, making Y/n giggle.

"Fine!" George yelled back. "Have fun you two," he sang like Karl did before a sound from Discord told them that he left.

It was silent for a second before, "Hi."

"Hi." She giggled. "What was that about?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing. Just some last minute, uh, setting up."

She hummed, amused at the sound of his frantic voice.

"So, um... are you ready for our date?"

"I don't even know where you are. I'm still in my house."

"Knock, knock," he said with a laugh. Y/n turned to see green peeking through the cutouts on her oak door and she laughed.

She ran to the door and opened it for him, revealing Dream in a slightly altered version of his Minecraft skin. He looked the same, except the white blob appeared to be wearing a necktie of some sort. "You look ridiculous," she admitted with a smile. "Wait, is this a fancy date? Should I change my skin?"

"It's not fancy, I just wanted to look my best for the prettiest girl in the world."

"Ohmygosh," she muttered to herself, hoping that writing off his charming words and actions as annoying would make her face not heat up as much. So far, it hadn't worked. Two minutes in and she was already blushing like a schoolgirl whose crush asked her to play tag at recess. "So, I'm not underdressed?"

"No, you're always perfect."

She didn't comment, opting for an eye-roll instead. Truthfully, she wanted to flirt back with him, try to make his heart beat fast like hers already was, but she was worried her words wouldn't come off joking and that the true intention would be obvious, that he'd be able to breeze right past the jovial tone and hear the sincerity in her words. Wait, true intention? What was her true intention? Her true intention should obviously be to just joke around and have some fun, but deep down she knew the motivation for teasing him came from somewhere different, somewhere more meaningful.

She wanted to tease him because she wanted to be the one to make him blush, to make him trip over his words and not know what to do with his hands.

Why? Well, she was still figuring that out.

"If you're ready, follow me, ma'am."

"Where are you taking me?" she asked as she followed his character down prime path.

"Hmmm..." he mused. "A secret, obviously."

"Obviously," she scoffed. She noticed that he was several blocks ahead of her and she smiled to herself. "Hey, Dream?"

"Hm?" he asked, spinning to face her as he ran backward.

"I don't know how many dates you've been on, but usually people walk together. You know, gives them an excuse to maybe hold hands or at least enjoy each other's company?" She made sure her voice had just the right balance of teasing and seriousness, curious as to how he would respond.

"I, uh... oh."

"Unless you want me to just meet you there. I mean, you're practically running away from me."

"I'm just excited!" he excused, stopping briefly so she could catch up with him.

"But look at how many beautiful things there around us to look at while we get to where we're going!" she told him. "Well, maybe not that," she said with a laugh as she punched her fist towards Tommy's dirt house. "But other things."

Dream laughed and continued to walk next to her like she requested, pausing if he ever got too far ahead. "How can I look at all those when the most beautiful thing is walking right next to me?"

She's never rolled her eyes so hard in her life. "Shut up," she mumbled as she punched him.

"OW! BUG!"

"That was supposed to be a pat on the arm but Minecraft only has one level of hitting and it's a punch. Sorry."

Dream wheezed briefly before containing his laughter. "This way," he instructed, getting off the path and starting into the woods.

"Oh, really you're trying to kill me. That's why you didn't want me to wear anything nice. Didn't want me to ruin any of my fancy stuff."

"Foiled my plans," he joked lightly. "Okay but really, um, I was thinking—well, so you already have a house but I was thinking we could build one together. Or build something, I don't know. But you're really good at building and I know you really enjoy it so I thought maybe you could show—like, teach me and then later I'll teach you something and then we can have a little picnic dinner."

Y/n smiled at her nervousness. "Hey, that actually sounds really fun!"

"What? What do you mean actually?" He laughed. "What, did you expect me to plan something boring?"

She laughed over his dramatic pouting. "No, but I mean, I didn't know what to expect," she said shyly. "I do have to say, though, I'm not sure what you plan on teaching me. I'm pretty much a master at all possible Minecraft skills, so..."

"Oh, really?" he taunted. "Everything?"

"Mhm," she hummed, her confidence wavering at his smooth voice.

"We'll see about that..."

"Unless you mean you're gonna teach me how to code Minecraft. That's a Minecraft skill I will admit I know nothing about."

"No, no, nothing like that," he said with a laugh.

"Good, save the programming talk for later."

"For laaater, hmmm?" he sang flirtatiously.

"Oh my gosh," she said through a laugh. "You would think that's what I meant."

"Hey, you're the one that said you think it's cute when I talk about coding. Maybe you're into that."

"I was saying it's sweet hearing you talk about stuff you like, you nerd. Why did you immediately think—what, is your idea of dirty talk talking about... like... computer viruses?"

"WhAT?"

"Hey girl, lemme clean out your motherboard," she mocked in a deep voice. "You overclock my processor. Lemme program your, uh—uh...hAHA, nevermind, ew, no."

"BUG?! WHAAAT? What is wrong with you?" His gasps for breath between wheezes made her laugh with him. "Don't ever talk like that again, pleASE."

"I won't, I won't, I'm sorry. Oh my gosh."

"Is that your idea of flirting? You are bad!"

"No, no, no!" She laughed. "I was making fun of you. No, I'm actually really good."

She couldn't stop giggling to herself for a few minutes, embarrassed but also proud of the reaction she got from Dream. She loved hearing him laugh as if he would never stop, it made her heart so happy to hear, especially when she was the one who caused it.

Though she feared her horrible pickup lines, if you could even call them that, were already clipped, ready to be used against her for the rest of her life. Worth it. Probably.

They approached a cleared-out area in the woods and Dream stopped and turned to Y/n. "So, we're here. What should we build?"

"Oh, so now I have to plan? Wow, you are so underprepared," she joked.

"What, no! I originally... I wanted to build a, like, a house together because I didn't— I forgot you made your—your house already and—but since you already have one—"

"We can still build a house," she interrupted with a soft voice. Him fumbling over his words was very endearing but also very confusing. How serious was he taking this bit? Or was he... actually nervous? She was actually nervous but she had reasons to be: a huge live audience to entertain and not ignore, and the weird staticky, itchy feeling in her tummy every time Dream spoke to her. Both valid reasons to be nervous. What was his excuse?

"Really? You wanna build a home together?"

Heat rose to her cheeks at his wording and she hummed. "Mhm. You can be my secret lover I hide in my vacation home. Like a second life kinda deal."

He scoffed. "Oh, now I'm just your side piece, Bug?"

"Nah, you're my main bitch, baby. I just wanna hide you away to keep you for myself because I'm selfish."

There was silence on his end for a few moments, making Y/n's face practically catch fire as she thought about her words. Why did she say that?? How can he flirt all the time but as soon as she says something: dead silence.

"Well.... shhhhhit," he finally mumbled definitively.

"You wanted me to flirt with you, Dream. You literally asked me too!" She laughed, trying to cover up her embarrassment. It had been less than 20 minutes and she already made a fool of herself.

"I did, I did, I just—wow. Come on, that was... I didn't expect you to go from never flirting to calling me baby!"

"Too much?" she bit her lip as she waited for him to explain if it was a good or bad thing.

He paused again. "....no."

She laughed loudly, pulling her hoodie collar up to her face in an attempt to rid herself of the giddiness and heat on her face. Like anyone could see anyway.

"So, a house?"

"A house."

"What kind of house do you think we should build together, Dream?"

"Maybe...." he thought as he ran around the area. "Maybe, like, a log cabin? Since we're in a forest. It's fitting..."

"Very true, very true..." she thought. "I was thinking a castle was more suited for you, king, but a cabin works too."

"Bug!" he yelled, laughter bubbling up in his voice. "What is wrong with you?"

"What?" she said defensively, giggling.

"You're a handful today," he groaned under his breath and she smiled. Though his words said one thing, Y/n could tell he was enjoying her energy.

"So, a dinky, old cabin, or what?"

"Whatever you want to build," he sighed.

"You always this agreeable?"

"Only to you."

"Well, I honestly don't have much practice with building cabins and since I want to show off my skills, I mean, that's the whole point of this, right? For me to impress you with my skills?"

Dream laughed so she continued.

"I think we should build a treehouse."

"A treehouse?"

"Mhm. What do you think? I make a pretty bomb treehouse."

"That sounds awesome!" he agreed. "Oh, and it could go from, like, one tree to another and, like, connect with a bridge! Like, the living room on one and the bedroom on another."

"Yeah, exactly! Okay, it's settled."

"What do we need? What do you want me to do?"

"I'm thinking.... we use cobblestone?"

Dead silent. Literally no noise until a few moments later, ".......Bug. This might be a deal-breaker."

"I'm joooking! You think I'd build something out of cobblestone? Who am I, Tommy? No, what's your favorite wood?"

"Dark oak."

"GOOD. Me too. So.... we need dark oak. Or, wait! Okay, hear me out."

"I'm hearing..." Dream prompted as he pressed A and D on his keyboard back and forth, earning a giggle from Y/n. He character was bouncing left and right is excitement.

"Dark oak planks..." she started.

"Mhm."

"Stone bricks..."

"Go on."

"And green wool for accents."

"Well, now you're just pandering."

"No!" she laughed. "Not, like, lime wool. Green wool. It's close to you but not as... obnoxiously blinding."

"I trust your vision. I'll go get materials."

"Perfect, you're the best, Dweam."

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled before laughing. "You pick out a tree you think would be best for the main part."

40 minutes later, they were nowhere near being done. Y/n had shown him how to make a good house layout after he placed the floor in the shape of a square. She had yelled at him for it first, of course. They also had the frame of the walls and one bridge but nothing on the other side of said bridge. Not wanting the stream to last six hours since this was only the first part of the date, Y/n made a suggestion.

"What if...."

"What if what?" Dream asked, pausing to look at her character, who had stopped fixing his mistakes. "Did I mess something up?"

"No, I was just thinking. What if we make this the whole house and do a little garden on the other side of the bridge? Or like a little cute thing."

"A little cute thing?" Dream laughed.

"You know, like a thing," she said, knowing she hadn't clarified anything. "I forgot this is only date one, you can't read my mind yet."

"Oh, so there are gonna be future dates? I thought this was just to pay off your debt?"

She paused, playing with her hoodie strings between her left hand. "Well, I guess we'll see."

Dream laughed. "So, what little cute thing did you want to make?"

"We could put a bench facing the sunset and have some potted flowers and hang lanterns and stuff."

"Oh, like a romantic spot?"

"I guess if you wanna think of it like that."

"Sounds cute," he said. "So, we have to change the layout in here then?"

"Nah, I mean, we can just not add a kitchen, we obviously don't need one anyway."

"True. Then all we need is to put our bed down, right?"

"Beds," Y/n corrected.

"Well, when they're together it looks like one big bed."

"Who said we're putting out beds together?"

"Buuuuggg..." he whined. "Come on... lemme put my bed next to yours."

She giggled again. What was with all the giggling, sheesh. "No. There's plenty of space, put it somewhere else." She placed her white bed down in the corner and went across the bridge to bring her idea to life, or, to Minecraft.

It only took about ten minutes and she finished when Dream spoke again. "I think I'm done."

"I am too! Let's take one final look around." She went back inside and immediately noticed his bed right next to hers. She stared at his character and he laughed.

"Whaaat?" he asked shyly and she just sighed, letting it happen. They took a look around and agreed that it was basically the best treehouse in the entire universe, both in Minecraft and real life.

"Bug, you're so good at building," Dream complimented as he ran around the house. "What's your favorite part?"

"Ummm...." She looked around before deciding on the bridge. "I like how you made the bridge. And I like the little touches you added to it. It's nice."

"Thanks! I think the 'little cute thing' you did is the best part."

"Shut up, I can't stand you," she scoffed. "But thanks."

"Hey, Bug?" Dream asked, leading her back into the house. He faced the two beds placed together and she prepared herself for the worst joke of all time. "Is this where all the programming talk happens?"

"I knew it! I knew you were gonna say that! Shut up!" She punched Dream as he laughed loudly and she couldn't stop smiling. "You're such a nerd. You're so annoying."

"OH! I have an idea, wait here."

***

It had been a solid eight and a half minutes of Y/n waiting for Dream and he showed no signs of returning. He was silent too, so she resorted to saying random things to get him to crack.

"When will my husband return from war?" she joked, her voice laced with sadness and longing.

There was a small suppressed laugh from his mic, but still no words.

"Sometimes I think I can still hear him laughing at me."

He must have gotten reeeaaalll close to his mic, because his next words, the first ones he had spoken in almost ten minutes, were whispered but she felt like he was in her ear. "I'll be home soon, baby."

Once again, she was so glad her chat couldn't see her because she literally shivered and her face was so warm she felt like she was glowing.

For the first time all stream, her eyes betrayed her and she looked at her chat as she pulled her hoodie collar up to her face.

user18: BUGSY BEIN REEEAL QUIET

user4: i think i just passed out

user11: wHAT ON EARTH DREAM ADKXKH

user7: BUGSY ON GOD BE REAL WITH US WTF IS GOING ON RN

user2: hey bestie i cant do this rn

user9: they can't talk to each other like that and say they're just friends pleASE

Also for the first time all stream, someone dared to donate at her limit (which, again, was ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS).

karakatara donated $100 I had to donate bc I just HAD to tell you how cute you and dream are! honestly my favorite couple ever and I was just wondering how long you've been dating??? love you and your videos!!!!!

It was $100. She had to answer it. Meaning, she had to use words after Dream said that like that and she wasn't sure that was physically possible right now.

"Aren't you going to answer?" Dream taunted.

"Wha—what, are you—you stream watching, you weirdo?" she forced out. "Why?"

"I wanted to read your chat, they're really funny."

"I haven't been reading it."

"What, why? They've been so funny this whole time."

"I've been too scared to."

"Too scared? Of what?"

Of the jokes that she wanted to be real? Of seeing something so cute only to break her heart when she remembers it's all a joke? Of seeing someone hate her for being so close to Dream? Many things.

"Of seeing something... that boosts your ego."

"What? Oh, come on. Hey, answer the dono. Someone gave you their hard earned money for that."

"Yeah, wait, chat, I had the limit that high so you DON'T donate! Why on earth would you—"

"You're avoiding the question."

"We aren't actually dating! Not actually a couple!" she said with a laugh, though something in her heart was very much against laughing at that fact. "Obviously not."

"Well, it's only the first date, so, we'll see I guess, but..."

"I cannot stand you. Thank you so much for the dono, though, Karakatara. You're insane for... yeah. Thank you so much." She turned her attention back to Dream. "Actually though are you ever coming back?"

"Yeah, what, I'm almost there. I see the you staring out the window. ."

When he got inside, he dropped a blue cornflower for Y/n and stepped back. "Okay, now, give that to me."

She followed, not understanding. "For you, Dream." She dropped the flower.

"Aw, Bug! That's so kind! Aw! Thank you! Here's a flower for you, too!" He dropped her a red poppy and then put two item frames on the wall above their beds. He put the blue cornflower above his bed and she followed by putting the red one above hers. "Now that's my favorite part of the house."

"You didn't want to use the real ones? What, did you lose my flower or something?"

"Hell no!" he defended loudly. "No, I just don't want someone to steal that one. It's in my enderchest for safe-keeping."

He said it so casually like it was no big deal, but her heart soared. She too had his flower in her enderchest.

"This," she said dramatically with a sigh, "is now a treehome."

***

"I already told you I'm the best PVP player out there."

"Bug, honey, I've seen you play Bedwars. You're trash."

"Hey!" Hehe, honey. Shut up brain.

"But that's okay! I'm here to teach you."

Y/n's character stood across a makeshift battlefield from Dream's, an axe in hand and armor that was definitely donated by DreamXD on her body. "This is kinda sexist of you. Assuming I know how to name a cute house but not fight."

"Oh no, that's not—crap. Bug, I'm only basing this off of your streams, which I watch all the time—"

Once again, he said something so casual and yet it still made her heart skip three beats and once again, she grabbed the collar of her hoodie and pulled it up to hide her face. This thing had to be stretched by now from how often it was yanked on in this stream alone.

"—and don't get me wrong, you're great! But you're also good at a lot of stuff and—"

"Dream!" she giggled out. "I'm teasing. I admit you're much better than me."

"I wouldn't say much better but... it's the only thing I could possibly teach you anything about because you're just so good at Minecraft." His tone was sarcastic at this point but she knew he was meaning what he said.

"Whatever. Come on, Dream, show me how it's done."

He actually had a lot of very useful tips that Y/n otherwise would have never thought about. I guess when you tryhard Minecraft, she thought, you learn a thing or two about pvp. It was a complete joke, but she still kept it to herself.

"I could basically beat anyone now," she said confidently.

"Yeah, basically. Except maybe Technoblade."

"Nah, even him."

"Let's see how good you really are. To the death."

"What?" She laughed. "You're gonna try to kill me on our date?"

"Yeah, scared?" Seconds later, a creeper exploded near Dream and he screeched, jumping back. Y/n lost it. She laughed loudly, clutching her stomach.

"Dr-Dream!" She laughed. "What the hell was that?"

"It scared me!" he argued. "Here, I'll protect you," he offered, running past her and killing a skeleton that was shooting towards her.

"I don't need protecting, especially from you! Besides, if you're trying to kill me, you'd let the mobs get me."

"No," he decided. "No one's allowed to kill my Bug."

She was literally going to explode. "Wh—"

"Only I get to."

"Dream!" she scoffed, running to kill the skeleton first. She succeeded and he pouted.

"Hey—I did more damage than you, you just had the final hit."

"Really? Cause to me it looks like I'm your knight in shining armor."

"Nuh-uh," he spat.

"Dream. F5 right now, you're covered in arrows."

There was a pause. "Oh whatever." He hit her once and that's all it took for them to start fighting, throwing jokes and taunts at each other the whole time, eventually resulting in a satisfying win for her.

Dream was slain by Bugsy

"WHAT?! HOW?"

<Tubbo> i thogt you were on a date <Ranboo> well definitley not anymore <Ranboo> is that canon <JackManifoldTV> WOMEN

"What was that about you being better than me?" Y/n teased.

"Oh, come ON! I still had damage from the skeleton, and besides, I taught you everything you know!"

"That just makes you a very good teacher, Dream," she said sincerely and he paused, probably expecting her to insult him instead of compliment him.

"Yeah, suck up now that you've murdered me."

***

They were finally at their final stop, three hours into the stream. Not too bad on time, though this was probably the longest Minecraft date in the history of Minecraft dates. Also the best, but maybe Y/n was biased.

There was a huge tree, obviously built instead of naturally generated, with lanterns hanging down and lighting areas of the dark world around them. Under that was a checkered pattern of carpet, a single chest in the center with a potted plant sitting next to it.

"The carpet is supposed to look like a, uh, what's it called... picnic blanket?" Dream explained as they approached the scene, clearly not happy with how it turned out. "It looks weird. Nothing compared to the treehouse you built."

"We built," she corrected. "And this looks awesome, Dream," Y/n complimented. "It's is also my favorite colors."

"Yeah, I had some help from Karl on that one."

She leaned back in her chair in real life and pressed her hands to her face. Oh, it was so unfair how cute he was when he was shy like this. She glanced at chat, which only made her face go from the temperature of molten lava to basically the sun. She was going to explode.

She hummed, a little giggle coming out as well. "That's cute."

She sat (crouched) on the picnic blanket (piece of carpet) while Dream put a disc in the jukebox off to the side.

"Is that a Tommy disc?" she giggled and Dream laughed.

"No, no, no, don't worry. There shouldn't be any continuations of wars interrupting our date."

"Shouldn't be," she emphasized, noticing someone approaching them from the distance.

Dream was about to speak when Quackity reached them and quickly joined the voice channel.

"Oh no," Dream sighed. "We've come so far."

"AYYEEE WHAT'S GOING ON, MAN?!" Quackity yelled in his Mexican Dream voice, his voice bubbling with laughter. "IS THIS A DATE OR SOMETHING, MAN?"

"Quackity, go AWAY!" Dream ordered, punching the character who had stripped to his underwear. "YOU'RE INDECENT! THERE IS A LADY HERE!"

Y/n laughed, enjoying the scene of fancy Dream hitting naked Quackity away from their picnic dinner.

"I'm your waiter, I'm your waiter!" Quackity said in his normal voice, still laughing. "DREAM! WILL YOU STO— QUIT HITTING ME!"

This had turned chaotic very quickly.

"We don't need a waiter," Dream informed him.

"Then I'm the singing gram you ordered." He started singing a song and Dream groaned. "HEY THERE DELILAH WHAT'S IT LIKE IN NEW YORK CITY—"

"No! You're being a clout chaser, go away!"

"I'm honestly impressed we made it this far without anyone coming into the voice channel," Y/n admitted.

"I paid them," Dream joked.

"You did not!" Karl's voice suddenly came through and Y/n laughed. "We were all just being polite and staying away but we're getting bored! We've been so patient!"

"Yeah, hurry up! We wanna play!!!" Sapnap whined. "Dream, it's not fair for you to steal Bugsy from us for so long."

"Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed with a laugh as Dream laughed along.

"Just ten minutes! Ten more minutes!" Dream bargained but none of them would have it. "Just so I can say goodbye!"

"No!" George insisted. "Right now!"

"Look, wait, wait, hold on—"

<Sapnap joined the game> <GeorgeNotFound joined the game> <KarlJacobs joined the game>

"—hold ON!" Dream begged, watching as the three boys ran and joined Quackity by the picnic blanket.

Y/n could not stop laughing at all the avatars around them. The date had been so peaceful and cute but all good things must come to a chaotic end.

"Wait, come on, Karl, Karl, Karl," Dream said quickly. "Come here. Bug, just a sec, please. Stay right there."

"Okay," she agreed, curious to see his plan.

Karl followed him and of course Sapnap couldn't help but also join them.

"Okay," Dream whispered loudly, clearly wanting everyone to hear his offer. He crouched and the other two copied. "Just give me ten minutes—"

"Ten?" Sapnap asked loudly.

"Shhh!!! Yes, ten minutes, to say goodbye and, you know, end the date."

There was a long, thick pause. "What exactly are your intentions with Bugsy Games," Karl asked seriously, matching Dream's whisper.

"Well, I wanna make sure she gets home safe, you know, so I'm gonna drop her off and, I don't know, see if maybe.... maybe she'll give me a hug?"

Karl and Sapnap both gasped dramatically and Y/n giggled, sparing a glance at her chat who were all freaking out.

"What the hell?" Quackity said while laughing. He and George were still standing near Y/n so they were just watching the goons with her.

"Bugsy is not that kind of girl!" Sapnap protested. "You think she's just gonna give you a hug?"

"Sapnap! Do you not know how to whisper???"

George let a loud laugh slip before slapping his hand over his mouth, which his mic picked up.

"Okay, Dream, wait, so you're gonna try to... hug her?" Karl clarified. "She won't even let me hug her. Good luck."

"Well, I'm not going to force her into anything but, I don't know, she said something about holding my hand earlier so I just thought maybe there's a possibility—"

"WHAT?" Karl yelled before going back to the whisper. "Okay, okay, don't panic, but that's huge. Dadnap, a word?"

He and Sapnap broke off from Dream and formed their own huddle, except their whispers were incoherent mumblings that weren't even English.

"Oh my gosh," Y/n groaned loudly, an unmistakable laugh behind her words.

"Okay," Sapnap said, rejoining Dream. "We'll give you five minutes but if you take any longer, we're barging in and killing you."

"Yes, sir!" Dream said. "Thank you, sirs."

"Mhm. Okay, break!"

They all uncrouched in sync before Dream ran back to Y/n.

"How did it go?" she asked as if she didn't hear the entire conversation.

"Bad news," he started. "Your dad's want you home."

"Shame, I was quite enjoying my time."

Dream slowly turned towards the boys as if to glare at them for ending the date before turning back to her. "Then, maybe, I don't know, we could do this again sometime?"

"I.... think I'd like that," she said slowly, trying to tease him.

He giggled and told her he was going to drop her off at her house, even though when the date was over, they were all probably gonna mess around together anyway so there was no point in them leaving the group. But it was the thought that counted.

He ended up taking her back to the treehouse, which warmed her heart. She also noticed when they faced each other at front of the door, she could see the four other boys watching them.

"Goodnight, my sweet Bug," he said poshly.

"Goodnight, Dream." He turned away but she stopped him. "Wait!" She moved to his side and made a loud, MUAH, sound before stepping back in front of him. "A kiss on the cheek," she clarified, not wanting him to think she gave him a real kiss.

"Cute," he said under his breath, almost like he didn't mean to say it out loud. "Night night." He turned away and ran down to the others, screaming the whole way. "GUYS, DID YOU SEE THAT? BUG GAVE ME A KISS ON THE CHEEK!! OMG DID YOU SEE, DID YOU SEE?"

Chat was gonna have a field day with that. Actually, with a lot of things that had happened. Oh, she could see the clips and edits now.... oh boy.

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[cooloddball]

Someone submitted something in my inbox and they wanted to remain anonymous. Since this is an extremely long essay, I will put it under the cut. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

xxx submitted: hey, i was the one who ask what do you think of Misha and Jensen's current relationship First off all thank you for your answear it means much to me cause im easy to be convice and this person who keep telling me that they are no longer friends can be so convicing, so I'm actully trying to forget what she said 😅 so I'm just writing a few. she said that since they no longer work together, they will forget about each other, and do their common things like the gay jokes, face touches ect. With other people, and neglect each other, don't talk to each other, and then meet new people who will replace the other. And and she talked about the gish thing, she said she sure they didn't talk since the end of the series, because Jensen didn't know where Misha was and Misha didn't know about the Radio Company vol 2 (but i saw people say that, they were just pretending, because Misha liked something about Radio Company Vol 2, before the gish live, so in theory he already knew then or something like that) and She said Misha wrote a poem about Darius not Jensen and now I will write down what she sent me : I saw a post about Jensen's current activities on social media, and I've come to the conclusion the only person he doesn't interact with is mish. Sadly this makes my break up theory even stronger. I feel like this is a goodbye to one of the biggest parts of my life. They've moved on from "uk what I haven't told you today? That i love u"+ from "miss my only jensen" from "i love u misha i mean it from the bottom of my heart" from "jensen has no flaws" from "misha is the funniest thing ever happened to me" from all that love and affection from everything they developed together and now they're apart leaving their lives like nothing happened and call me a dramatic but they both have the same energy now as someone has after a big break up. and Jensen comments on almost every of his friend’s post except Misha’s"+ Jenmish is genuinely the best thing that has ever happened in my entire life. I owe them literally everything. They're the reason i hold on. Unfortunately on this essay i have to start using past tense verbs for them, and i have to continue on that. I don't know for how long y'all been in spn fandom. But even if u joined one year before the show ended you'd know how close and intimate jensen and misha were. Everything about them was unmatched.+ The chemistry and how they just fit eachother. They had always been all over eachother. Like they were holding on eachother for dear life. They completed eachother and were like world's most powerful thing. They were the definition of soulmatism. No matter where, they ALWAYS kept interacting with eachother. Each possible tweet or insta post. On cons that the other wasn't there, the other one would bring up the othere's name for no absolute reason. +The looks and repeated love confessions. How invested they were both into eachother. The family they had built together cuz we know how close dee and mish are (look all the charity work they've been doing together recently). There are youtube videos to proof everything I've said so far.When i say break up, my real intention is that they've grown apart. Everything started in the the third or forth month of pandemic. Before than jensen used to interact +(comment mostly) on almost all of misha's posts. But after a while everything just stopped. At first personally didn't care that much. Bcuz I believed too much in them that I thought not even the gods above could separate them. I told myself maybe they spend long hours chatting or video calling and that's why online public interactions are gone. But as it passed it almost diminished to zero. Except some likes from jackles and eventual ones from misha there weren't anything else.+ We got absolutely no content and the show went off too. We were helpless and were sticking to everything we had Dee had a big social media shot down, so as jensen. Misha was busy with the election. We got some interviews for it with all of them. But we didn't get much.except remember both of them pulling a bff

move. and texted eachother during an online con where everyone else were dead-serious about politics? That flickered something in me. That showed me that+ they can't ever possibly let eachother go. And the times everyone else were talking and these too would just talk random things together (the one jackels had a white hat on with stacy abraham).And then Misha posted that for jensen's bday We really overlooked it. That shit was too intimate. To close. Fav march baby? U just don't go around and called ur bestie baby and when u mean it deeply. Especially not when ur friend is jensen ackles the "I suffered form internalized homophobia my whole life+ but fuck my wife's an angel and i have an angel bf too and another angel which is his wife but I'd rather die than come out cuz my asshole dad pulled a John winchester on me". It doesn't work like that. But uk how mish is. Carefree and open. I believe they got into a fight bcuz of this. He didn't even like the post. AND that was when the tiny bit of interactions we had was gone too. For a while jensen didn't even liked his posts. After a month it started again.What made me finally believe in that they had grown too+ far: I still remember the night misha posted that he and jensen were going to have a con for gish together. I remember how hard I cried. Lile the whole world was given to me. But deep down in my heart I knew that something would definitely happen. It didn't sit right with me and unfortunately my senses never lie to me. Jensen showed up at the wrong time bcuz of misunderstanding the time zones (this was HILARIOUS). That's not even my point.+ I've seen that interview 3 times so far. It always reminds me of when i saw my ex at a party and we were both so thrilled to see eachother and we still loved the other dearly, but we just couldn't work it out. Jensen and Misha's expressions were EXACTLY the same. The genuine smiles and longs pauses were they just stared at eachother. I'm so happy that it was online cuz if they actually gave that looks to eachother standing right next to the other one I would've collapsed. Misha didn't know that jensen's album+ was out. And he got so embarrassed when he found it out. He didn't know that jensen was on set and hadn't been home for 8weeks. Jensen had no idea where misha was. And this means that they hadn't talked in a long long time.When you're that close with someone for more than a decade, i mean THAT close, even if u're separated from eachother you'd at least check on the once a week, or at least once in two weeks. But it was vividly clear that they hadn't. I hate how this world works. They would always be in my heart.+ I would be thankful from them for everything. It hurts, and it won't stop and im so sure I'd be carrying this pain for a long time. They mean too much to a lot of us. Sometimes I think to myself that god i love them so much. Remember in 2019 when we used to get SO many jenmishdee interactions? That was LIT. It was THEE year for us. I hope they're doing good. I really do. I hope we don't get more proofs and I won't have to update this thread. Cuz my heart won't be taking it very+ well.Something i gotta add U may say that Jensen's busy and that's why he doesn't comment. But he comments on a lot of jared and his new costar's posts. So that's no excuse. So yeah that's it. I don't know what am I supposed to think. english isn't my native language, so sorry for the mistakes

Here is my response:

I don't know who this person who has been talking to is but I have to say they seem to be project their previous relationship experience on cockles.

I believe Jensen and Misha are okay and are together. Social media likes and comments don't mean anything. I mean it's not like Jensen or Misha used to comment on each other's posts before. Jensen didn't even wish Dee Happy Mother's Day this year, does that mean they are not together anymore? Nope. He has other best friends he has known for over 20 years like Jason Manns, Steve Carlson etc that he doesn't wish happy birthday, does that mean they are not friends anymore.

Please let's not put value on social media likes. I don't even follow my own family on sm and I don't always like or comment on my bf's or bff's posts on sm. So it doesn't mean anything.

As for the Gish Panel, I have talked about it before, the time Jensen was slotted to attend the panel, he was meant to answer fan questions. I honestly believe they decided to not do it at that time because they knew the questions would be about Destiel and not their new projects. If you watched that panel, Misha knew that Jensen's album was out as I pointed out. He was just trying to promote the album and soldier boy. He knew Jensen had also buffed out. It was all to promote Jensen. Anything else you hear is trolls and antis just being loud. Also don't forget Jensen called him "babe".

If Jensen and Misha weren't okay, he wouldn't have attended or participated all those panels Misha organized especially for Gish. Danneel also posts a lot about RA and likes Misha's posts. I am 100% Misha visited the Ackles when he went to Colorado last month.

Stop listening to trolls and/or antis or just people who are projecting and look at facts.

[wangxianficrecs]

Fic Finder

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1.  Hi, I'm looking for an Untamed fic, maybe you'll be able to help. It's a canon divergence AU in which WWX doesn't lose his core, Jiang Fengmian lives and it's implied that his core was transferred to JC (heavily implied; JFM retires as the Sect Leader after that). This is absolutely not the most important part of this fic but it's a paragraph that I've got stuck in my head and now I'm searching for the rest @_@ Thanks in advance! ~ @otemporaetmores

FOUND! by @notsobabblespace, who was reminded of  I’m aching and I know you are too by edenwolfie (part 3 in series, M, 23k, wangxian)

FOUND!  by @jim-is-spocks-thyla, who suggests ❤️ to arrive late is better than not to arrive at all by Moominmammashandbag (M, 35k, wangxian) [ETA:  Oops, not this one.  JFM has no core, but he didn’t give it to JC]

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2.  Hi Mojo! I’m in need of you/your followers help in finding a fic that I read a little while ago. It was a fic where Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi lived together in Cloud Recesses and their children were Sizhui and an OOC that was younger than him. I remember SiZhui faced a lot of criticism for not being the chief cultivator’s real child? And they were happy he had a younger sibling that would be sect leader in the future because he was blood. Come to think of it, this is probably an ABO fic too. Thanks for your time 💜

FOUND! @andidontmeanto believes this is Blue Blood by PotterheadAvengerDemigod (T, 91k, wangxian, my post)

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3.  Aksks it's like 3 am but I just remembered a fic and I can't find it?? I'd really, really appreciate your help. It was a wangxian fic, maybe a oneshot idk, and lwj was kind of a nerd and wwx a badboy? So basically lwj has a massive crush on him and dresses up like wwx etc. (i think he even got an undercut) and after a party they sleep with each other at lwj's place?

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4.  i’m looking for a fic set in the where lwj’s mother killed his father? i don’t think that was a main plot point but it did show up in his backstory - any idea what this might be? ~ @thehype

FOUND!  @rentslirott thinks this could be ❤️the best of you by sysrae (E, 42k, wangxian, my post)

FOUND!  @castaways-logbook offers  The Right to Care by travelingneuritis (E, 39k, wangxian, WIP)

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5.  ... same as #6 ...

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6.  Hello friend, sorry for the inconvenience but I wanted to see if you could please find me a fic that I lost but I only remember more or less the final part, it goes more or less like this, lan zhan and wei ying are kidnapped by jin guangyao and lock them up if not I'm wrong in some cells next to lan xichen after the fights jin guangyao dies but lan xichen did know how bad jin guangyao had done and he didn't care and then to get revenge he wants to kill wei ying but lan zhan kills him and sizhui gets scared It was more or less like that, please help me ~ @isa0123lol

FOUND!  by @wangxiansfics who says that tragically it’s no longer available, but @dulachodladh found it on WaybackMachine here: Thread and Needle by haysel (M, 86k, wangxian)

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7.  Hi, Mojo! I'm glad that you're back but I hope you enjoyed your time off tumblr! Can you and/or your followers help me find a fic? I think the summary was talking about wwx and somehow they were asking mingjue for help since he's the only one who can help. The summary was in italics and it's a dialogue from some guy? And a shorter summary below. Sadly this is the only thing I can remember but I hope you can still help me

FOUND!  @alwayswenning suggests love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, has it’s own fanfic here, I just finished this last night!, my bookmark)

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8.  Sorry to bombard you as soon as you're back, but this one's driving me crazy--a modern AU where they met online. WWX thinks LWJ is an old man from how he talks. I don't remember much except the excerpt made it seem like he still was amused by/enjoyed talking to him, and Wen Qing was telling him it was a bad idea and to stop. It's not How to Fall In Love With a Catfish, tho that one is brilliant! (Also any top notch identity porn would be great) Hope your break was restful, you deserve it! Thanks

Here’s my #identity porn tag, but I’m not sure about this exact story.

I'm the anon for #8 on the fic finder. Though I'm excited to read it, the suggested fic isn't the one I was looking for. I swear I thought I saw it on here around a month ago or slightly more, but searches have failed me.

FOUND!  Rating: General Audiences by Mishaa (T, 18k, wangxian WIP) -  mysterious author LWJ (speculated to be an old man because of his formality) and infamous artist WWX paired up for an Untamed Big Bang (in an AU where JGY was the series’ antiheroic protagonist; this fic was written before the release of CQL.)

FOUND?  could you be looking for  Something Real by Latios (G, 5k, wangxian, my post) - wwx thinks lwj is an old man, but there’s no WQ.  There are many pictures of bunnies.

SIMILAR! @emilysidhe thought of ID Bro Saga by Bowandtie (T, 39k, wangxian)

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9.  Hey, how are you? Could you help me please? I've read 3 fanfics once, but I can't find them anymore. 1 - Nanny Problem, Wei is going to be the babysitter of A-Yuan, he is an omega and Lan is an alpha. 2 - Doctor Perfect, Yibo is an omega nurse and Xiao is an alpha doctor. 3 - The Baby of my Omega, Yibo is omega and Xiao is alpha, both of them are bodyguards, but Yibo has to protect Xiao in the beginning. I think they were at ao3, but I really can't find them. Can you help me please? Thank you!! ~ @weallmad

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10.  Hi! Im happy you’re back. I hope you had a good break. I missed your recommendations, but at the same time i got a break from fics and actually studied to my tests haha.  [Ah!  I’m glad to hear your time was spent productively!]  I’m looking for a fic like Linger in the Sun by etymologyplayground. In the fic im looking for wangxian slowly lose their senses instead of all of them at once. Like they lose their hearing, then touch, sight etc, They can’t see each other or hear each other. I’m sorry i can’t explain very well.

FOUND?  Could you be thinking of  ❤️shadows in the sun rise by Yuu_chi (E, 25k, wangxian)?  Only lwj losese his senses one by one in this one, though.

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11.  heyyy im trying to find this fic where wwx died the first time he was thrown in to the burial mounds then 10 years later he gets resurrected or something. I can't find it on AO3 and it's been bugging me for days. Thank you!

FOUND!  Well, @moku-youbi offers both of these as possibilities:

Did I Not Explain Why the Sunset Turns Red? by 3988Akasha (E, 100k, wangxian)

we're starting at the end by Miss_Enthusiasimal (M, 95k, wangxian)

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12.  Hi I am looking for a fic where wwx is a witch (/mage?) in a world where magic is being persecuted (especially in Gusu) except for Yunmeng/Lanling I think but they're still frowned upon nonetheless. Then after accidentally hurting Shijie, wwx runs away, and ends up hiding in Gusu pretending to be a servant to lwj (lwj is a prince, lxc is the emperor) but lwj actually knows of his identity and tries not-so-discreetly to protect him from being caught. Thanks!

FOUND! by @bibliobasilisk who gives us Witchfinder by misbehavingvigilante (E, 86k, wangxian)

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13.  Hi! Firstly, I'm glad to see you're back, and I hope your break was a good one! I'm trying to find a LWJ/WWX story that I had planned to read and ending up losing before I could. It was set in the immediate aftermath of the 33 lashes, LWJ is in the Jingshi recovering when a healer(?) discovers he's pregnant (by WWX). It may have been a/b/o verse, but I'm not 100% on that. Part of the story was a flashback to when WWX was still alive. Thank you!

FOUND!  by nonny themself.  It’s Unexpected Surprise by Glucose_Gremlin (E, 4k, wangxian)

SIMILAR! @mondelgel suggests my heart is kept as pure as ice in a jade vase/一片冰心在玉壶 by Daledesu (M, 21k, wangxian, WIP)

SIMILAR! from @impending-cuttlefish:  something new, something white, something blue by ariskamalt (E, 140k, wangxian, WIP)

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14.  I'm trying to find this one fic where Jin Ling finds this diary that Wei Ying wrote as the Yiling Patriarch that basically reveals everything, including the golden core reveal and it even has training tips that helps Jon Ling improve. When Wei Ying comes back, he tries everything to keep him there because he is THE best uncle now. I need to find it because it is a N E E D.

FOUND? by @theladypeartree who says, “The Truth (Untold) is jl reading jyl's journals, not wwx's though. And mordant is jl returning wwx's journals that he found, not grew up with. Neither fit #14 properly, but I seriously could not find anything closer after two solid days of searching. Good luck!“

The Truth (Untold) by anxiouswreck0_0 (g, 3k, wangxian, jin ling & wei wuxian)

or this one on ffn:

mordant by tennisnotensai (M, 18k, wangxian, here’s the link for mobile)

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15.  I have heard tell of a Sizhui/Jingyi fic where the boys end up going to Wangxian for advice about how to be intimate. Can you help me find it?

FOUND!  @manaika-chan says this one is On Advisement by LaMachina17 (M, 19k, wangxian, zhuiling, chengyi)

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16.  nm

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17.  Hi! Sorry, do you happen to know that nsfw fic where wwx is still studying in the cloud recesses and he’s reading a novel (im not sure if it was from nhs) that features a cultivator couple and there’s a scene in the book where the woman was pegging her husband? Basically wwx got curious about this and tried fingering himself. I remember he was hiding in the back mountains and then lwj eventually caught him

FOUND?  Could you be thinking of  Deep in the Woods by malkinmalkout (E, 5k, wangxian, my post)?

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18.  Ahhh I'm going crazy trying to think of a fic that I've read where Lan Zhan killed Wen Chao in a locker room and nie huaisang stood guard outside the door! Then lan zhan went to lan huan and said I killed someone and he said did they deserve it? Then it's fine. And I can't remember the name of the fic! Have you heard of it? ~ @uchihaautumn

FOUND! @artemisisdiana offers So Full Of Love (Wouldn't Know Where to Start) by witchupbitch (M, 54k, wangxian, WIP)

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19.  Hi, I was wondering if you could help me find a fic. I read it a while ago and I don't really remember all the details but it was a modern au where Lan Wangji was a police officer in this small town and Wei Wuxian comes back after years, having left the town due to some stuff. Thank you in advance.

Btw love your blog. I live for your fic recs.  [Thank you!]

FOUND?  Could you be looking for medium blues by dark_and_terrible (E,193k,  wangxian)?  It appears to be taken down atm, but it might come back (it’s done it before).

FOUND! by @grannyweatherwaxshat who offers When a Bird Flies, It Leaves Feathers by Bem_Kofi (not rated, 75k, wangxian)

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20.  Hi mojo!! First of all I luv your blog Thank you so much for all those ficrecs.  [You’re welcome!]  Actually I’m looking for a fic I read months ago. I probably found the fic from your blog. But I can’t seem to find it now 😢 it was a modern au wangxian fic (inspired by call me by ur name?) wwx was like 5 years older than lwj. (And lwj was like 16?) Wwx lives in another city but he spent around a year in cloud recesses with lwj in the past. And wwx yanli and jc visits cloud recesses again and wangxian gets 2gether

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[My ko-fi.]

[tobesobri]

Sorry this took me so long to get up 🙈It was a mix of being busy and also never being 100% satisfied with it. I’m pretty sure I spent more time editing this chapter than I did actually writing it lol but a lot happens (which is why it’s so long im sorry) and I’ve never really written so much action before (so im also sorry if it’s bad) but I just wanted to make sure it was at least decent ndkkjvfr anyway, thank you for reading if you do! i appreciate it 🖤

♠︎ warnings: death, violence, mentions of suicide, abuse, alcohol use, blood, sexual content

♣︎  word count: 15.5k

STORY TAG // PLAYLIST // MOODBOARD // CHARACTERS // MY MASTERLIST // ASK TAG // MY INBOX

She’s running. She knows because her lungs are burning and the bottom of her feet are thrashed but she doesn’t stop. Doesn’t stop because if she does, it will be over. She can hear them shouting her name, can feel the rope around her wrists as if it’s still tied to her. She can see a figure up ahead and she runs faster toward it, toward salvation.

But then she stops, the jolt sending her to her knees as rocks dig through her flesh. The figure becomes clear as he steps out of the shadows and all she can do is scream as he reaches out for her.

Ember’s throat felt like sandpaper as she jolted awake. The scream followed her into consciousness and as soon as she realized where she was, it stopped. Her ears rang, her mouth was dry and her eyes stung so badly she could hardly keep them open. 

Then the headache settled in and she fell back onto whatever soft surface she was on. A bed? A couch? A cloud up in heaven because she was dead? 

No. She would never make it upstairs if she was truly dead. And she was positive hell wasn’t this comfortable.

“You alright over there?”

She sat up despite the pounding, opening her eyes as wide as she could until it hurt and found who that voice belonged to sitting on a couch across from her, watching her carefully. He wasn’t familiar in the slightest. But the knife in his hand as he carried on sharpening it, was. 

“That’s mine.”

He glanced down at the blade, considered it, then looked at her again, “You sure?”

“Yes.” She snarled. Her face was killing her. She reached up to inspect the damage only to find bandages and a single, small row of stitches along her left cheekbone.

“There’s some pills for you there. I imagine you’re in a lot of pain.” He pointed the tip of her knife at the coffee table between them, at the bottle of water, still sealed, and the small pile of pills sitting beside it. And just behind those, closer to him than to her, lay a myriad of weapons which also, in fact, belonged to her. “Advil and Tylenol. They work pretty well together.”

She ignored them and him. “Who are you?” Then she glanced around the room, realizing it was just as unfamiliar as he was. “Where am I?”

“I’ll answer your questions after you take those.” He motioned once more toward the pills and she saw no use in arguing any further. Especially since every time she glared at him, it felt like her face was being torn off. So, she grabbed all four of them, flung them into her mouth and swallowed them down with one giant gulp of water. Once she set the bottle back down, she gave him that same scowl but tried to be a little more cautious of the bruises and scrapes. 

“Who are you?” She asked again.

He smiled and then proceeded to ignore her. “You sure this is your knife because… I’m not sure you know how to use it.”

“Of course I know how to use it.”

He narrowed his eyes at her, tilting his head curiously. “So then why didn’t you?”

She just looked at him for a silent moment, trying to piece together memories from last night, but there was currently nothing but a thick layer of fog surrounding them. Whatever she had done, and however he had become involved, she may not want to remember it. “What are you talking about?”

He sat forward, dropping his elbows onto his knees and letting the knife hang from his hand in between, his eyes darting around her face, probably trying to find an inch of skin that wasn’t a scarred mess to look at. But then she saw it.

Emerald green.

“I know you.” She nearly gasped once she realized where she’d seen him before. The lighting now was much better than it had been inside of Eden, but she had no doubts that he was the same man she’d seen on the balcony. Those harsh lights hadn’t done him any justice now that she was seeing him up close. He put every man she’d ever met to shame, including Ace. His short, dark brown hair had been combed back and styled at some point, but now the curls broke free and a strand fell onto his forehead as if he’d been running his hands through it all night. There were dark circles under his eyes but they didn’t even do much to disturb his beauty. They might have even added to it. His lips twitched into a smile when her roaming eyes had found his mouth and she sucked in a breath of air. “Are you following me?”

He didn’t say anything as he studied her, their gazes locked on each other and she’d never wanted to be able to read minds more than she did then—when he was quiet and had the best pokerface she’d ever seen, apart from her own of course. Being an emotionless statue came in handy more often than not, but she wasn’t sure why he was pulling it on now. What he was afraid of her reading on his face.

“Are you…” she glanced down at the coffee table, spotting both of her guns and the other two knives he’d pulled from her body at some point and then she looked down at herself, at the clothes that didn’t belong to her, that didn’t smell like her. In fact, that same smell from last night hit her when she lifted the collar of the shirt she was wearing to inspect it. It was a woodsy, masculine scent with a hint of vanilla and something else she couldn’t place. His cologne mixed with the sinful scent of his skin, she guessed. She was certain she could bathe in it for hours and never be satisfied. Distracted, she forgot to ask him what she’d originally planned to, if he was going to kill her, and instead she asked about a slightly more pressing issue. 

“Where are my clothes?” 

“In the garbage.” Her eyes widened. “I can get them back for you, but I don’t think the blood will come out in the wash.”

She just stared at him quietly again, trying not to be embarrassed by the fact that he’d undressed her. She wasn’t exactly modest, and as her eyes fell to his hands… she wasn’t sure how she felt about it.

Her stomach twisted into knots though imagining his hands on her skin and she quickly buried that feeling deep within the trenches of her being and pretended it’d never happened. She didn’t even know him.

“Don’t worry. I didn’t see much.” The dig only made her want to punch him for a moment, because then his eyes travelled down to her left arm and as she followed his gaze, she realized what he was looking at. Ember was covered in various scars throughout the years of living the type of life she lived, but the one on her forearm, just below the crook of her elbow was different. It wasn’t there because she’d gotten herself stabbed or shot at. 

It was there because of Dominic.

She quickly folded her arm towards her and blocked his view of the thing. The thing Dominic had put on her body when she was fifteen to remind her who she belonged to. Now, it was just a much more welcome reminder of her freedom. But, having some random man, regardless of his annoyingly beautiful face, see it would be giving away too much information. 

Then again, if he knew what the brand on her arm meant, then he might already know too much about her. 

He cleared his throat, “Besides, it’s very difficult to get blood out of these cushions.” He swiped one of his hands along the light material of the couch opposite hers and she was reminded of her earlier preoccupations. “So,” he began again, “it was necessary.” 

The couch was already in a lousy state, but she imagined adding blood stains into the mix wasn’t exactly doing it any favors. When she remained quiet, he tilted his head, “Unless you would have preferred to sleep in the bathtub?”

Again, she did nothing but narrow her eyes at him and grump.

So after a few silent moments of just staring at each other, he moved on, gesturing toward the coffee table between them, “You had all of this strapped to you, and you didn’t use any of it to defend yourself.” It wasn’t a question, but she knew he was still asking one. One that she wasn’t about to answer anytime soon. 

“I don’t need weapons to defend myself.” She purposefully skirted right around the hidden question he was trying to ask.

He lifted a brow and sat back again. “You weren’t exactly winning that fight you walked right into.”

“You were watching me?”

His jaw hardened. “That is hardly the point here.”

She wanted to punch him again. Instead, she nodded toward her knife he still held on to. “Are you planning on using that?”

“Depends.” He shrugged, still avoiding her questions just as she was his.

“On?” The rational part of her brain knew his threat was futile. He had plenty of opportunities to use any one of her weapons while she’d been locked away in her nightmares but he didn’t. It just bothered her that she didn’t know what he wanted, that he was too good at concealing things she was normally skilled at reading.

“On whether or not you’ll tell me what you were doing last night.”

She considered reaching for one of her weapons, not exactly sure she’d be quick enough in her current state, but it’d be worth it because he was beginning to annoy her. Deciding against it for the time being, she kept her eyes glued to his and waited for the right moment when he was distracted to make a move. “And if I don’t?”

He was quiet for a moment and then tossed her knife down onto the table with a sigh. “You were right.” He watched as her eyes widened slightly. He’d had the entire night to come up with something to tell her that she might actually believe. If she hadn’t seen him in Eden, he might get away with just being some random guy who saved her life. But she knew him, and she remembered him. And Ember wasn’t stupid, as much as he wished she was so he wouldn’t have to share so much about himself. But it was the only thing he could come up with that didn’t involve telling her he’d been hired to kill her. “I was following you.”

“What?” Her right hand moved a centimeter closer to a weapon, but when his eyes caught the movement, she froze. 

He frowned when she looked up at him, then he sighed and stretched the truth, glancing once again at her arm even though the scar was still not visible to him. “I heard you were on your own now.” So… he knew who she was. “Me and my… associates were thinking about trying to recruit you. So, yes, I was following you to see if you were actually worth our time.” Even though it was all complete bullshit, he just hoped she ate it up and didn’t ask him too many questions. He hadn’t thought out everything yet, just the basic details. His so-called associates didn’t even know, but considering he planned on never seeing Ember again after today, he figured it wouldn’t really matter anyway.

“Who says I’d even want to work with you? There’s a reason I’m on my own.”

He tilted his head to one side and his eyes traveled across the scrapes he’d spent all night cleaning up. “Yeah, you seem to be doing perfectly fine on your own.”

When he met her eyes again, it was clear she’d just put up all her defenses. She avoided him, glancing around the apartment and her surroundings for the first time. He figured that was a good sign, some evidence that she believed him if she was willing to let her guard down a bit, to stop watching him like he’d attack her at any moment. “So where am I?”

He shrugged and followed her gaze. “A friend’s place. Not far from where you were getting your ass beat last night.”

“And where’s your friend?”

The corner of his lips turned upwards into a smirk. “Out of town.”

“That’s connivent.”

It really was. It was also convenient that Harry knew how to pick a lock, especially in a shitty building like the one his friend lived in. Sure, when Trevor got home in a few hours he wouldn’t appreciate the blood spots on the floor Harry still hadn’t mopped up, but he’d get over it. It wasn’t the first time Harry had inconvenienced his friends. It’d be pretty hard to explain that he’d done everything he did for a girl he was supposed to kill, however, but it also wasn’t his first time lying to his friends, either. 

They’d never know the difference, and what they didn’t know couldn’t hurt them.

Her eyes fell from the secondhand refrigerator in the kitchen and back onto Harry expectantly. “And, for the third time now, who are you?”

He grinned, crossing his arms over his chest. “As far as you’re concerned, I’m the person who saved your life.”

She snorted. “I didn’t need or want saving, especially not by some prick who can’t answer a simple fucking question.”

His features hardened into sharp lines. Anger cracking open the unreadable stone of his face as his lips thinned and his eyes became icy shards ready to attack. “I imagine that mouth of yours had something to do with the ass beating.” 

Then the memories came flooding back all at once. What Harry had said just then about her mouth. The man who had punched first said something like that too.  And once she remembered getting beat up, it wasn’t long before she remembered everything else too. There had just been flashes of faces and feelings since she woke, hidden behind that fog, but now it was all being pieced together before her. The Palace, the rope, the alleyway, the voice… the girl. Tears stung her eyes almost instantly when the girl’s face flashed behind Ember’s eyelids. And once she realized she’d cracked, she hid herself away from him again, refusing to let the man sitting across from her see what she had just recklessly exposed as she stared down at her scarred hands, closing them into fists.

He leaned forward again, intertwining his fingers and watching her closely even if she wouldn’t look at him. “That’s what you wanted, though, wasn’t it?” His voice was soothing in a way that almost made her want to trust him. She swallowed that feeling as quickly as she could. “You didn’t defend yourself because you didn’t want to.”

She couldn’t help it then, her hand twitched toward a knife or a gun because she’d let herself become vulnerable and she’d sooner kill him than allow him to have that knowledge. Thanks to the pain lingering in various parts of her body, though, she was too slow and he noticed well before she could even reach out to grab the gun she’d been after.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” He warned quietly but with enough threat in his tone that she glanced up at him again under furrowed brows. Once he met her eyes, he opened his mouth to say more but the second he saw the look on her face, whatever else he was about to say caught on his tongue. He supposed he’d wanted to tell her that if she did reach for a weapon, it wouldn’t go very well for her, but instead, he found himself getting pulled into her darkness, as if he’d just took a dive into the depths of her soul and there was just a vast, emptiness surrounding him. His mouth hung open still until she looked away in defeat and released her hold on him.

He strung himself back together and cleared his head. “Tell me what you were doing last night and I’ll let you go.”

“Let me go?” She repeated, flinching the second her face scrunched from confusion. It only made Harry want to know what her deal was even more. “I thought you wanted me to work for you?”

He tilted his head to one side as if the answer to her question was obvious. “Why would I want someone to work for me who purposefully puts themselves in harm’s way?”

She didn’t say anything; she didn’t argue. She just stared at a clear spot on the table as blankly as she’d stared at that wall in her apartment last night. The longer he watched her, the more he wanted to ask where she’d gone in her head—what she was thinking—but he imagined it was a nightmare he didn’t want to know about. He imagined her life was nothing but series of nightmares that followed her into her sleep, if the way she’d woken twenty minutes ago was any consolation. 

“You should’ve left me there.” She whispered, barely even audible as she hung her head. 

He should have and he knew that. Killing her—or passively letting her die—was what Dom had hired him for after all. Why he’d been following her the past few days. Why he’d been there last night in the first place. But… for the first time in his life, he couldn’t do it. Not when she seemed to be begging death to take her already. She’d changed—drastically—and he wanted to know everything. 

“Why?” His curiosity got the best of him, even if it was a stupid idea to ask her. 

But, he wanted to know how she went from that girl he’d seen in Eden just the other day, who could entrap, manipulate, overpower any man of her choosing to… to this. This broken shadow of that girl sitting across from him now.

The girl he desperately wanted to wrap into his arms and make sure she never got hurt again. The girl he’d just officially met, even though he’d already seen her half-naked and covered in blood. The girl who was his job… a job he was already planning to get out of, even though he knew he shouldn’t. Dominic Aldine wasn’t a very understanding man. Harry couldn’t just back out on the account that he may or may not like Ember more than he should. But he’d already decided that he was going to try because he couldn’t bring himself to kill her. 

She didn’t say anything for a while, and he waited patiently. Although after a few minutes, he was beginning to assume he’d lost her to her nightmares again and he’d never get an answer out of her. However, moments later, her voice came in a strained mumble. “I messed up.” Her eyes wavered frantically like she was trying to push away whatever memories were haunting her but no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t escape it. “I deserved…” She shook her head and he understood, not that her brief explanation offered any sense of comfort, but he’d be lying if he said he never royally fucked up and felt like he deserved the same. Though, he imagined she would have let those men beat her until there was nothing left. He’d never really been that low in his life.

Had he purposefully gotten himself beat up as atonement? Sure. Had he wanted to die for it? No.

He didn’t know what to say. He wanted more information but it felt like he’d be torturing her for it and that was another thing he couldn’t bring himself to do. 

“Can I leave now?” She asked, and he supposed it was only fair. She answered his question, even if it was the spark notes version of it. 

“Will you be finding another way to off yourself as soon as I let you go?”

She shrugged and finally wiped the wetness from her face that Harry had been dying to reach across the table and do himself. It would have been a bad idea, if not solely for the fact that his calloused hands would have irritated the fragile state of her face. Then there was the fact that being that close to her, that intimate, would be the worst idea he’d ever had in his life. 

Still, his fingers itched to touch her. His legs begged him to get up and sit next to her. 

Thank god for his brain, though, as it kept his stupid ass planted where it belonged. Away from her.

He looked into her eyes again and tried not to drown in them this time, then said something else he probably shouldn’t have. “Please don’t.”

He was well aware his voice came out a bit more desperate than he planned, even if he did mean what he said, so he cleared his throat and tried to be a little less… emotional. “The hours of sleep I lost stitching you up, cleaning and bandaging your wounds would be for nothing.” 

Although she tried to fight it, one corner of her mouth still curved up into a smile. 

“Will you at least tell me your name then?” She bargained and it didn’t really feel like a fair trade. Her promise not to throw all his work down the drain in exchange for just his name. She wanted to know more of course, but if he was anything like her, she knew he would share as little as he could get away with. She did know, at the very least, that he was like her. Missing a few important morals if he’d wanted her to work for him.

“It’s Harry.” Even though his lips thinned like he wasn’t pleased with giving her that information, he had still answered her rather quickly. It was as if it came out of his mouth before he had a chance to think otherwise. Like maybe he’d regret telling her anything about himself later on.

She nodded, assuming he already knew her name. Then she sat forward to grab her belongings off the table. “And if I want to find you again?”

He shook his head, watching her hands carefully. “Don’t.”

There were three missed calls and seven texts when she found her phone on the floor of her bedroom. To her surprise, it was already three in the afternoon and, upon reading the angry texts, she was supposed to meet Zora and their clients thirty minutes ago.

Grunting, she dialed Z and tossed her phone onto the bed while removing her clothes.

Well… his clothes.

Which she folded into a neat stack on her dresser to be dealt with later. She wasn’t sure what she’d do with them yet but she didn’t exactly want to toss them.

Maybe he’d want them back and she’d have an excuse to see him again.

No.

No, she would not be seeing him again. 

Maybe she’d just burn them and forget Harry even existed.

“Where the fuck are you Ember, I swear to god!” Z blared through the speaker while Ember slipped into her own, familiar, wardrobe; a pair of jeans ripped at the knees—but not purposely—and a fitted black long-sleeve. Most of her closet was filled with items that would allow her to blend in. The other twenty-five percent of it were things that did the exact opposite, like the dress she’d worn last night.

Cringing away from those memories that lingered tauntingly at the edge of her mind, Ember rolled her eyes and picked her phone up from the bed. “Calm down, I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“You better hurry your ass up, I’ve already made enough excuses for you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Ember ended the call and then turned back to her closet for the last thing she would need. Luckily, she’d sacrificed her least favorite coat last night, which had been left at The Palace, possibly belonging to someone else now. So, thankfully, her favorite leather jacket was still on its hanger, waiting for her. She pulled it on quickly, and as it embraced her like a warm hug, she hoped she wouldn’t also have to sacrifice it as well one day. She’d probably kill someone before she let the thing land into another person’s hands, though.

Besides, she had to make up for the fact that she currently looked like a punching bag and resembled Leatherface in a way. Making the rest of her body look good was a priority and if anything could manage that, it was the jacket.

“What the hell happened to you?” Zora probably would have shouted if she wasn’t currently whispering into Ember’s ear, trying to hide her shock and concern from their clients, who were both also eyeing Ember suspiciously since her late arrival.

They were in the typical meeting spot, the shipping docks in the southernmost point of Kypa. Not many ventured this far down unless it was for work, so it was perfect. They usually tried to limit the amount of witnesses to avoid killing innocent people, but there was still the occasional smoker who traveled down along the docks until they stumbled upon something they shouldn’t have and then Ember would have to take care of it. Those were the bodies that haunted her, whenever some unlucky soul got caught in the crosshairs.

Ember glanced at Z in her peripheral and smiled, “You should see the other guy.”

The clients, also both women whom went by code names Ember couldn’t quite remember, shared a look between them. A concerned look because—even though they had limited interactions with Ember—they had never seen her so beaten up before. No one had ever gotten any sort of upper hand on her, even if she ended up killing them in the end.

“Is it done?” One of the women asked hesitantly, one that Ember swore was named Venus. Actually, as she put more thought into it, she was pretty much certain that was her name, and the other one, who was shorter and red-haired, was named Gemini. She remembered thinking that they had some weird fixation with space when she first heard of them through Zora.

Ember met the blonde woman’s gaze and nodded a confirmation. “It is.”

A bitter taste flooded the back of her tongue because instead of seeing Edmond Wallis falling to his very deserving death, all Ember could see, all she could think of, was the girl. And the girl led her down a path toward Harry. Harry who she’d tried so hard to stop thinking of, but jesus christ he was hard to kick out of her brain.

Both women nodded as well, seeming pleased even though they said nothing else. The front runner, Venus, pulled out her phone and typed for less than a second. “Derek will bring the money shortly.” 

Ember tried to hide her smirk, but it was useless. Derek had been another unfortunate male that found himself in her bed one night. It was actually the first night after they’d all met in person, when they had completed their first job for Venus and Gemini. Z hadn’t been around when he came to drop off their payment and well... Ember couldn’t be trusted alone around attractive men.

The three women surrounding her had no idea about it though, so she tried not to ruin the relationship they had by turning her terrible bedroom habits into common knowledge. 

“We have another job.” Gemini spoke for the first time, staring directly at Ember and pointedly ignoring Zora. But, as Ember glanced at Venus, it seemed as if this other job was supposed to be kept a secret with the way Venus’ lips thinned and her body tensed.

“We’re not—“ Z began, but Ember was louder.

“What is it?” 

Gemini stepped forward, ignoring the warning expression her partner shot in her direction. “His name’s Quin Stone. He’s—“

“That’s enough.” Venus cut in sharply. “We’ll find someone else to take care of him.”

“Why?” Ember asked incredulously. “I can do it.”

Venus and Zora shared a look and Ember immediately grew irritated. There was something her best friend wasn’t telling her and she had no clue what it was. The last thing Ember enjoyed was being left in the dark. 

“E...” Zora sighed, turning toward Ember while running a hand through her hair to keep it tamed as the breeze from the water blew it into her face. “We just finished this job and you... you look like you just got done being someone’s punching bag. And I... we need to talk.” Z glanced warily sideways, at the other women who pretended to be minding their own business. Although Ember wanted to know what the fuck was going on right there and then, she let it go. She didn’t like turning down a job, but Z was right about one thing. She felt like a punching bag and would be no use in causing any harm for at least a few more days until she recovered.

Before more could be said, a familiar black Audi pulled up beside them, and even though the windows were tinted dark enough to not see inside, Ember knew it was Derek who was about to step out of the driver’s seat with a duffel bag of money in hand.

And, seconds later, that’s exactly what he did. Ember watched him the entire time, especially his muscles as she was reminded exactly why she’d taken him to bed in the first place. His eyes were hidden behind dark sunglasses, but the way his jaw hardened made it obvious he was watching her too. It was probably really messed up that she enjoyed the power she had over men so much, but she couldn’t help it. She loved knowing Derek—and others like him—would undoubtedly be remembering what she looked like without clothes on and have to live with the fact that they wouldn’t ever be able to see it again.

Derek stopped beside Zora, still tense and visibly uncomfortable, possibly because the last time he’d seen Ember, he’d nearly begged to have her again and she’d just laughed in his face. He cleared his throat and handed the bag off to Z.

Zora didn’t bother counting it or even unzipping the bag. She trusted Venus because Venus, although quite terrifying herself, knew that Ember would be unleashed upon her if she ever short-changed them. And Ember, well… she wasn’t someone very many people messed with, not even Venus.

“You look like shit.” Derek’s voice was unexpected but still just as smooth as Ember remembered while he addressed her. While he pushed his sunglasses up onto his head, taming his medium-length black hair. His eyes traveled down the length of her body and then back up where he cringed at the sight of her face as if he’d just now seen it. 

Ember smiled though, “Are you always so flattering, Derek?”

That muscle in his jaw hardened again as he met her gaze. “You would know.”

It probably wasn’t Ember’s best idea, but she was feeling reckless and if Venus or Gemini no longer wanted to work with her, then so be it. “The only thing I know is that your cock isn’t nearly as impressive as the rest of you.”

Zora flipped her head around to Ember so fast it might have given her whiplash and both of their clients glared at her as well. So, no, it was not her brightest move, but there was too much going on in her head and she wanted to hurt someone. Derek had just been the unlucky target. 

“You didn’t.” Z gasped.

Ember just grinned at her best friend until Zora became very visibly disappointed and apologized to their clients and, most importantly, to Derek, although Derek was still staring at Ember, knowing that she’d never apologize and wanting to destroy her for it. Instead of letting violence overcome him, however, he replaced his sunglasses onto the bridge of his nose and turned back to his car after mumbling to Venus that he’d wait for them.

“Well,” Venus took a long, calming breath, “It’s best we don’t work together for a bit then, after all. Keep in touch, Z.” Neither women even gave Ember a second glance before they followed Derek’s path to the car. Zora waited until they were gone before she exploded.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? You show up here like... like this,” she motioned to Ember’s face, “late and wasting everyone’s time and then you say some stupid shit like that? They’re our clients and my friends, Ember, you can’t just treat them like garbage.”

“Them being your friends is your own fault, not mine. I told you plenty of times not to make friends.”

“I’m sorry that having you as my only friend sounds like the most miserable experience I could ever imagine!” Zora’s voice echoed through the entire port it seemed. And Z’s remark had its intended affect, to shut Ember up, and so silence surrounded them both. When Ember remained an unmoving statue, Zora groaned. “You didn’t always use to be this way, Em. It’s like the further we’ve gotten from him, the more you’re turning into him.”

“I’m not him.” Ember spat, her fingers twitching to punch Zora in the face for even brining him up but she quickly stopped herself before she did something stupid and irredeemable.

“It’s why I think we need a break. I... I need a break.”

“If you don’t want to do this anymore, then fine. Leave. I don’t need you anyways.”

Zora shook her head and turned to face the water, watching it as she calmed down again. “My dad, he... he was right. I’d never be like him or enjoy this life. And I don’t now either, even though we got away. I just want to feel safe. I want a family and I don’t want to feel so fucking alone all the time.”

Ember didn’t say anything, wasn’t sure what to say exactly. She wasn’t good at being vulnerable, not even with the one person in the world who knew her best. The one person in the world she trusted with her life.

“But I’m not just going to leave and let you dig your own grave.” Ember’s heart tightened in her chest when Z’s voice broke and, when she looked up, saw the tear falling down her cheek. “We both need to get out of this city. Please.”

Zora had never sounded so... desperate. 

But the last time Ember had been anywhere besides Kypa had been the darkest time of her entire life. She wouldn’t leave even if her life depended on it. “You can get away, Z. I... This is the life I want.”

Zora turned back to face Ember. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

Zora bit her tongue and, after a moment, shook her head again. “Forget it. Can we go get something to eat please? I’m fucking starving.” She didn’t give Ember a chance to backtrack as Z turned on her heel to leave, adjusting the duffel bag on her shoulder. So, Ember just sighed and followed, leaving all their unsaid words behind on the docks.

After dropping off the duffel bag at the safe house, where the rest of their most important possessions resided, in the outskirts of Southern Kypa, Zora drove west as they both sat in silence. Ember already knew where she was headed, and didn’t exactly want to delve back into their earlier argument when Zora had all the power and a million reasons to swerve the car into oncoming traffic and shut Ember up for good. 

Lucia’s was in between the lunch and dinner rush when they’d arrived, so there were plenty of empty tables to choose from, even though the owner, Nico, took them to the same old booth in the back they were used to. The restaurant was in a more upscale part of the city, and Ember didn’t mind getting out of southeast Kypa for a few hours. She’d admit she needed it. Needed to forget the previous night. The girl she’d gotten killed. The man who’s voice still haunted her. 

Him.

The green eyes and the way his touch lingered on her skin even though she’d been unconscious at the time. 

Although, as Ember stood in front of the small bathroom mirror, she thought about Harry more than ever. She saw her face properly for the first time as she stared at herself while drying her hands. There was, in fact, quite a bit of damage. And as she traced her fingers along the line of stitches, she thought about him some more. First in ways that she shouldn’t be thinking about. Like what his touch actually felt like and why he even cared enough to save her when he knew who she was. Knew she’d never allow anyone to touch her in a way she didn’t want. He knew that and yet he still…

Then she cleared her head, dropped her hands, and made her way back out to Zora, considering how Harry might be useful to her. Maybe if she could find him and convince him to take her on after all, it would be what Z needed to get out. She wouldn’t have to worry about what would happen to Ember. Even though Harry was practically a stranger, she strangely trusted him a tiny bit. It could work, but she’d have to find him again and that was sure to be difficult. 

Ember opened her mouth to simply suggest the idea to Zora once she’d returned to her spot, but a loud crash from the kitchen caught her off guard. Everyone in the room turned toward the sound and just as Ember began to write it off as a clumsy chef knocking over a pile of dishes, she was soon proven wrong. Several staff flooded through the doors, one tripping over themselves before scrambling away. Following right behind them, men, five or six of them, with bodies covered from head to toe in black, came storming out of the kitchen. Bullets began firing immediately and Ember ducked just as one whizzed by her head.

When a reprieve came, Ember wasted no time grabbing Zora’s hand and getting them both the hell out of there. They kept their heads down and Z took the lead as Ember drew her gun to hopefully take at least one of the shooters out. However, when she twisted around and aimed, she realized they were all staring directly at her. All of their guns aimed at her back. 

They weren’t random shooters. 

She was the target.

Even so, she let a few rounds of her own go flying, hitting one of the men in the chest before Z pulled harder on her wrist and they ran toward the rear exit at the opposite side of the restaurant. 

Bullets began again and Ember dodged what she could. She already knew she needed to ditch Zora someplace safe, so once they turned the corner down a long hallway that lead outside and Ember had a moment where they were blocked off by a wall, she took control and shoved Zora through the door of the women’s restroom. Where she knew there was a window just big enough for Zora to squeeze through. 

“What are you doing?”

“You go. I’ll distract them.” Ember nodded up toward the window, “Meet me at the safe house.”

“No.” Z glanced over Ember’s shoulder. “Go home. We can’t risk it. Call me when you get there. Here.”

She shoved her car keys into Ember’s open hand and neither of them wasted much more time that they’d need to make it out alive. In an instant, Ember turned and disappeared back out into the hallway, hesitating a moment before the men rounded the corner and began shooting again. As soon as they were in sight, she took off. 

She zig zagged, dodging them once more, however one bullet still grazed her arm, nicking her skin just enough to leave a dent. A burning dent that would undoubtedly leave yet another scar on her skin. But as blood poured beneath her sleeve down her arm to her hand, she didn’t stop for even half a second. Not even to mourn the tear in her favorite jacket that couldn’t be easily repaired. She just pushed through the double doors at the end of the hallway and into the parking lot behind the building.

She raced toward Z’s car with only about a five second lead on the men, who came barreling through the door after her just as she reached the driver’s side and pulled herself in.

She kept her head down as she started the engine, while bullets planted themselves into the side of Zora’s poor Maserati. Ember had always loved the vehicle and hated these men even more now for destroying it. The second the car revved to life, however, she took off, speeding out of the parking lot and narrowly missing another car on her way out. Once she got onto the streets, she pressed the gas pedal all the way to the floor as she dodged traffic and ran red lights. 

It wasn’t over yet—not that she had even considered it would be—so she got onto the highway and made full use of the car’s horsepower, going well over a hundred miles an hour. She didn’t even look to see exactly how fast she was going, just kept her eyes on the rear view mirror to check if they were following.

And, sure enough, a black SUV merged onto the highway, crashing into a smaller car and causing it to roll across the lanes. Ember cursed and drove even faster, as fast as she could go while swerving between traffic. She was willing to believe in miracles for the fact that the road wasn’t too crowded. 

However, that bit of mercy shown to her didn’t last long as bullets struck the Maserati once more and she ducked down again to shield herself from them. Glancing quickly over her shoulder, she spotted the SUV behind her now, about a three car distance away, but close enough to do some damage. 

Sloppily, and nearly slamming into the back of a station wagon, she grabbed the gun she knew Zora kept underneath the driver’s seat and pulled it out. She quickly checked the clip and then turned slightly in her seat to shoot out the back window. The first bullet shattered the glass and she mumbled an apology to the Maserati just as she shot off two more rounds into the driver’s side of the SUV. She’d missed, but it still swerved, causing another crash, and, most importantly, gave Ember enough time to escape. To gain her speed back and figure out her exit plan. Up ahead, traffic was slowing as nothing but brake lights flooded across all lanes, so she turned her wheel quick, cutting off a man in a Tesla who honked at her and gave her the middle finger as she darted toward the off ramp she’d narrowly missed. It would be the only one for the next few miles and there was no way she’d be getting out alive if she got stopped in traffic. 

She sped right through the red light at the end of the ramp and onto a road she recognized. She was almost back in the southeast quadrant of the city, but she wasn’t quite headed home just yet. Not while they were still following her. She needed to lose them first.

She’d managed to put a decent distance between her and them, but she could still see the SUV in her mirrors and it wouldn’t be long before she caught the attention of the Kypian police. She needed to get off the road, to use the distance she’d gained and ditch the car someplace to make a run for it instead. She could disappear amongst the crowds.

Digging through her mental navigation of the city, she made a sharp turn down Clover Street, knowing it would at least bring her close to where she was planning on losing them. 

However, when she glanced in her rear view mirror again, the SUV was nowhere to be found. She kept her pace and waited another moment before she checked again. Nothing. There was no way she’d lost them already. Had they stopped following her? And, if so, why?

Her heart pounded in her ears, and an uneasy feeling settled in her stomach because now she had no idea what to do. She had no control over the situation. They could have taken a different route and could come barreling out in front of her at any moment. They could do just about anything and she’d be blindsided.

She cut off yet another car in order to speed down a side street and then came to a stop along the curb where she waited for what felt like hours, but was, in reality, only a couple minutes. Her watchful eyes flipped back and forth between her mirrors, anticipating some kind of attack to come her way at any moment. But nothing ever happened. No black SUV turned onto her street either behind her or in front. No men with guns. 

Nothing.

They were just… gone. And she almost wished they were still following her because this felt worse. 

After another minute, she made a sharp U-turn and merged her way back onto Clover Street, headed straight into the Moon District of southeast Kypa. 

It wasn’t her favorite place to be, but it was easy to disappear in. Not necessarily when you were driving a Maserati, but she still kept watch behind her to make sure she wasn’t being followed as she made her way home. 

The Moon District was always busy, at every time of day. It’s how all the criminals that snuck around got away with their business. It also had an entire underground section, The Hallows, where the worst of the worst hung out. The buildings were all right on top of each other, compact to fit everything and everyone in. Most of it was storefronts, crammed into short, stone buildings with flat roofs. Given the set up, Ember had plenty of practice scaling the roofs across the district, going unnoticed as she stalked her targets, whom usually all tended to visit the Moon District at some point. 

The Moon District emptied out into the heart of Southeast Kypa, where the buildings reached the sky once more and the streets were less busy. There was still some traffic since it was practically rush hour, but it wasn’t as easy to blend in. Still, she raced forward, trying not to draw too much attention to herself as she reached her building. She drove in circles for a bit, going around a few different blocks in different directions just in case she was actually still being followed before she pulled into her building’s underground parking. The other residents probably wouldn’t enjoy seeing the bullet holes in the side of Zora’s car, but Ember didn’t really give a damn.

Once she ditched the car, she ran up a couple flight of stairs, deciding against taking the elevators until she got a few floors up where she’d be able to hear if anyone had followed her. She dialed Zora twice, only to be left with her voicemail each time. She figured it was good enough, at least Z would know she’d made it back. It did worry Ember a bit, though, that maybe Z hadn’t made it out. But, right now, Ember had to be sure she was still in the clear, so she’d deal with Zora later. 

Even after she reached the fourth floor and everything seemed safe, she still snuck through the door that led from the stairwell and to the elevators quietly, and with her gun drawn. While waiting, she hid halfway behind the wall in front of them, her gun aimed at the doors, just in case. It was all somewhat unnecessary—although in Ember’s book it was always better to be safe than sorry—once of the doors dinged open and she was able to verify that it was completely empty and devoid of any risks. After stepping inside, never once turning her back on the hallway, she swiped her card to take her all the way up to the penthouse, refusing to take her eyes off her surroundings until the doors were closed.

When she was alone and it was quiet apart from her erratic breathing, the wound in her arm made itself known again, burning as it got her attention. She shoved her gun back into place under the band of her jeans, hidden by her leather jacket, and pressed her hand to the wound, hoping to ease some of the pain. The blood that had reached her fingers was now dried and slightly sticky, making her uncomfortable, but she’d handled worse. At the very least, the bullet wound had stopped throbbing as she ascended through the top floors of her building.

She was still on edge the entire time, even as she reached her floor. Everything about the whole situation was weird and she just felt... a little bit off. 

The feeling never went away even as her familiar space greeted her with open arms as she stepped off the elevator. She attempted to call Zora again once she reached the foyer, but to no avail. Something wasn’t right, she was sure of it. But she just didn’t know what. 

She did nothing but listen to the silence surrounding her as she clicked her phone off. She glanced around the room, into the living area and the kitchen—everything that she could see from the foyer—to check if anything was out of place. A moment later, however, she realized her instincts had been correct, but it was too late by the time the sound of footsteps reached her ears, because when she turned toward it, reaching for her gun, the blast to the back of her skull sent her spiraling into darkness instead.

She woke to even more throbbing pain, but this time it was exclusive to the back of her head. She knew from how much is still hurt that she hadn’t been out for long, but as she looked up into eerily familiar faces of two men staring right back at her, she wished she could black out again. 

The most she knew was that she was still in her apartment, in the middle of the open living room space, not far from where she’d been knocked unconscious, most likely from one of the two men standing in front of her. The other thing she knew was that they’d also tied her wrists and ankles to one of her dining chairs, tight enough that when she tugged against her restraints they didn’t even budge, just burned as the rope chafed against her skin.

She couldn’t exactly place where she knew the men from, maybe they were with the people who had chased her earlier. She’d been too busy outrunning their guns to have made out a face though. As she took them in, eyeing them from head to toe for any bit of a clue, her gaze snagged on one little detail. The man standing to the left of her clutched shiny metal in his fists and she prayed he never came near her with those brass knuckles, although she wasn’t sure she would end up being that lucky. As her heart raced, she investigated the man to her right, hoping he didn’t also have a similar weapon, but she couldn’t tell because he stood with his arms crossed, exposing a much more helpful piece of information: a circular scar along his flexed bicep. 

Like the one she had on her forearm.

Her eyes widened in panic just as her worst fears were confirmed. 

His voice came from behind her as he leaned onto the back of her chair, his lips at her ear. “You didn’t really think you’d get away from me forever, did you?”

She whipped her head around just as Dominic pushed himself upright from her chair, meeting her searing gaze with his same old narcissistic grin. The one he used when he knew he was getting his way. When he’d won.

She hated it. She hated him. Her top lip curled in disgust as he stepped around the the front of her, stopping in between the two men who she now knew were Dom’s henchmen. 

He looked just the same as she remembered, even though it’d only been less than a year since she’d last been this close to him. His hair was still trimmed to perfection, with shaved sides and longer dark strands down the middle all pulled back into a bun how he normally wore it. He still didn’t show any signs of graying, which she might’ve attributed to dye if the scruff that was growing back along his jawline wasn’t just as dark as his hair. 

Besides how he looked, though, how he made her feel was all the same too. He made her chest tighten like she couldn’t get enough oxygen into her lungs. He made her hands tremble and her skin grow cold and clammy. And none of it was in a good way.

Especially not considering he was holding onto a gun in his left hand.

He titled his head to one side, taking in the sight of her. “You look like shit, Lenny.” His voice, dear god, his voice was something she thought she’d never hear again except for in her nightmares.

And that name. Her real name. 

She pulled against her restraints again, letting it burn and letting her anger show. “Don’t fucking call me that.”

He chuckled and stepped toward her until he was close enough to place the tip of the barrel of his gun underneath her chin and lift her defiant eyes to his. Being tied up made her completely helpless to him, just as he’d always wanted her to be. Just a thing he could control.

“Did I ever tell you how I came up with the name Ember?”

She didn’t say anything, just continued to look up at him like the second she was free she was going to rip him to pieces with her bare hands. 

“Those eyes,” his gaze bounced between both of them like he was searching for something, “you always had a fire in you, Em, and I’m glad to see it’s still burning.”

“Fuck off.” She spat, literally, right up into his face. It wasn’t a smart move but it made her feel better. At least until he let go of her chin, lifted his hand, and brought the hilt of the gun down against her temple hard enough to send her spiraling back into darkness again.

She gasped the next time she woke and found herself drenched in freezing cold water. The man with the visible brand on his bicep fell back into his spot behind Dom, setting the now emptied glass onto the coffee table. 

“So, Ember, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.” Dom went on as if no time had passed at all. He still stood towering in front of her, his hand still clasped firmly around his gun.

“How did you find me?” She asked instead, or rather, demanded. 

“Ah,” he scrubbed at his jaw with his free hand then grinned at her sadistically, “so the hard way then.” Before she could even think of a response, he turned on his heel and wandered toward the kitchen, taking his time grabbing a chair and setting it up in front of her before he straddled it, resting his arms up on the backrest and sighing. “I’m not that surprised, you were never very easy, were you?”

She felt like spitting in his face again but he was too far away now.

“You’ve been getting sloppy, Em.” He finally spoke again, giving her a semblance of an answer to her earlier question of how he managed to find her. “I believe you ran into a colleague of mine recently.”

Her mind raced back to the previous night. To the man in the alleyway. The one who’d known who she was. Who’d given the final orders to kill that girl.

“He has a big mouth. Don’t care for him that much but he did mange to figure out where you were staying.” Dominic glanced around the room, at the nice appliances in the kitchen and the fancy leather couches Zora had picked out. “Nice place, by the way.”

“What do you want?” Ember cut to the chase before he could begin asking about his daughter. Ember would rather be beaten to death with a thousand brass knuckles than give up any information on Zora.

“I told you I’d find you Ember. And I don’t know where you’re hiding my daughter, but I’ll find her too soon enough.” 

Panic rushed through her although she tried her damndest to keep her face and her body under control. 

Dom knew her too well for that to work completely in her favor though. “You were always so good at hiding behind that face, weren’t you?”

“What. Do you. Want.” She repeated, much more threatening this time. Not that she could actually be much of a threat given her current state and given that Dom and his henchmen were some of the only people in the world not terrified of her. But, again, it made her feel better to release some of that anger.

“I want you to come back.” He paused to watch for a reaction from her but she didn’t give him the satisfaction, so he continued on. “Come back and I’ll forget about Zora. I’ll forget about what you did.”

She laughed almost hysterically and let her head fall back against the chair, staring up at the ceiling incredulously because Dominic had officially lost his mind if he thought she’d actually agree to that. “I’d rather get my head chopped off.”

“That can be arranged.”

She shook her head. “No. You wouldn’t kill me then and you won’t now.”

When she looked at him again though, because he’d been quiet, his smile grew and it terrified her so much that all amusement drained from her face and her skin paled. He wouldn’t actually kill her… would he? 

“You were chased by men today, correct?” He asked, glancing at his fingernails as if he were bored.

Her eyes widened. “That was you?” It would make sense. He had every reason to want her dead after what she’d done. But if he did truly plan on killing her after all, she never thought he’d go and hire someone else to do it.

“No.” He shook his head, chuckling as if it were such a ridiculous assumption she’d made. “No, I’d never put a hit on you, Em… but you apparently pissed someone else off.” He leaned forward a tiny amount, “So, it seems to me that your only options are to die or to come back.”

“I already told you which I’d rather do, but thanks for the offer.”

Dom nodded at the man to his right, the one with the knuckles whose name she couldn’t recall. She fought against the ropes, against the chair, against everything as he came up to her. He had to be at least six foot seven with arms as wide as his head. He didn’t wait for any other orders, just peeled back his arm and struck her with the metal right across Harry’s stitches.

Stitches that she heard rip wide open as blood gushed down the front of her. She tasted it in her mouth too just before it dripped towards her chin.

“Keep up the smart ass remarks. There’s plenty more where that came from... even though it seems you’ve already fucked up your pretty face plenty.”

She spat the blood onto the floor and glared at him, hoping those flames in her eyes were visible to him now. “Go ahead. You think I give a damn?”

“The Ember I knew did. In fact, she gave enough of a damn to kidnap my daughter, murder my wife,” his eyes darkened, “and dozens of my men.”

She scoffed, “As if you don’t go through men worse than she did.” That remark cost her another blast to the face, but it was worth it, even if the crack of metal hitting bone that resounded through the room made her want to throw up. It was still worth it. Haven had been his second wife, technically, because Zora’s mother had died long before Ember came into the picture. And Dom’s second wife, whom Ember had plotted against every chance she got, was nearly as insufferable as he was. So really, she had it coming.

“Again.” She barely heard Dom give the order through the ringing in her ears, which only worsened when she was struck another time, on the other side of her face. And this one, she was not prepared for in the slightest, so it nearly had her slipping into darkness again and even though she fought it, there was still prominent blind spots in her vision when she lifted her head. 

Ember just laughed through the blood and the pain and the spinning dizziness. “I enjoyed putting a bullet through her skull, you know. She was the reason...” Ember swayed a bit, her eyes fluttering shut as she lost herself for a moment before she came back, her words still just a slur of sounds mushed together. “She was the reason I even met Cam.”

At the sound of that name, Dom’s hands tightened into fists, his knuckles turning white as his pupils dilated and his jaw sharpened to a point. She’d never told Dom the full story about Cameron, but now seemed as good as any if she was truly about to be beaten to death.

“What are you talking about?” He demanded.

Ember titled her head back again, against the wood of the chair, smiling with bloody teeth as she stared up at the ceiling and ignored the horrible feeling of blood dripping down her throat. “She introduced me to him when I was fourteen. She’s the one who took me to his house and left me alone with him.”

“Why didn’t I know about that?” He nearly shouted.

She shrugged as tears mixed with the blood running down her face. “Does it matter? You still killed him for what he did.”

“Then I punished you for months because I thought you were stupid enough to run away from us!”

Again, she shrugged, knowing she was in a bad physical state by the way his raised voice didn’t frighten her as it used to. “You wouldn’t have taken my word for it anyway. You knew I hated her.” And he wouldn’t have. Haven had been the one to spin the lie that Ember had ran off and Dom was too in love with her to ever have believed the truth of what really happened. 

Dom ran his hand down his face and then exploded form his chair, knocking it over with a loud, “Fuck,” before he paced through the room. 

She lifted her head just enough to look at him, just enough so that the darkness didn’t seep back across her eyes.

Then he turned to face her and dropped the hard shell. Turned back into the Dom who sat at the head of the dinner table and told stories about his childhood. Who had killed for her and who had threatened several boys for her until they pissed their pants. He turned and looked into her eyes like he did when she had eventually found her way home after what Cameron had done, when he’d hugged her and told her he’d take care of everything. That was how he looked at her now. Like a father. “Why did you run from me Ember?” 

His voice was quieter than it’d been the entire time and she knew he wasn’t playing games or in the mood for them either. She didn’t quite have the energy to muster up a smart remark, nor did she exactly want to be punched again at the moment.

“It wasn’t me who wanted to run from you.”

He froze. Didn’t say anything for so long, Ember thought time had slowed down. She had only done what she did to help Zora. It was the only reason she’d left. Dom terrified her, but he was the only parental figure she ever had. What came before him... were the furthest things from parents. Now, though, she didn’t so easily fall for his manipulations. He didn’t want her back because she was the daughter he’d always wanted Zora to be. No. He wanted her back because he’d lost his biggest source of income. And if he couldn’t have her, couldn’t control her, then he’d rather she be dead. She was sure of it. 

He wasn’t her father. 

But she wasn’t about to give up her freedom so easily now that she’d gotten a taste of it, especially not to him. Not to Dominic Aldine, who would force her to assassinate anyone with a high enough price tag. Who wouldn’t let her use her skills exclusively on people who actually deserved it. He would set the terms again, about everything in her life, and she’d rather be dead.

“I can protect you, Em.” He pushed back the strand of hair on his forehead that had fallen free of the bun. “Come back and I’ll take care of everything.”

She shook her head, her eyes fluttering shut as her consciousness finally stopped fighting to keep the darkness at bay. After a moment, though, and by some miracle, she blinked her eyes open slightly and saw him as he nodded in understanding. Her answer was clear and unchanging. 

And his answer to that wouldn’t be one she’d like to hear. 

“Ten days.” He spoke sternly. “My offer still stands but if you aren’t back by then—or dead—I’ll collect the money myself.”

The sun was just beginning to set on a new day when she finally woke. The pain was worse than it had been before—when she was tied to that chair—as she stumbled from her bed to the bathroom, nausea sending her to her knees in front of the toilet. When it was over, she fell back onto her ass, pressing herself against the opposite wall, letting her face fall into her hands. 

It was then she realized her hands weren’t covered in blood as they had been the last time she’d been conscious. Investigating further, her shirt was clean and her jeans were gone. As quickly as she could manage, she got to her feet and rushed to the mirror only to find her face completely cleaned of blood as well. The cut on her cheekbone had been very sloppily sutured back together, although it was ten times worse than how Harry had left it. Other scrapes seemed to have been slathered in a healing ointment. The bruises were worsening by the second, but there wasn’t much she could do about them.

Dominic had ordered his henchman to beat her unconscious and then cleaned her up and tucked her into bed before he left. 

And she hated it.

She would have rather been left in that chair.

A million different things ran through her brain. First was what to do about Dominic. How she was going to kill him. Or maybe she had better chances of just running further away. Then there was what to do about the hit placed on her. She had no idea who wanted her dead, besides Dominic, or why. Maybe it had something to do with their last job, or it was Venus herself getting back at her for what she did to Derek. It all led her thoughts back to Zora. How to keep her safe now that Ember was a target that would just get Z killed.

And then, of course, there was the fact that Zora had never answered her calls.

She raced out of the bathroom to find her phone, which Dominic had also taken care of as it sat plugged into its charger on her nightstand. Fuck him honestly.

The thought of him bugging her phone did, in fact, cross her mind. But there was nothing he could possibly trace, she’d made sure of that when she and Zora first got their new phones. Even so, she was going to make the call quick and then destroy the thing when she was done.

There were several missed calls from Zora which eased some of her nerves, but they just worsened again when she realized she’d been asleep for almost an entire twenty-four hours. 

After dialing Z, she paced her bedroom and searched for other things Dominic might’ve done. The only other sign of him was her bloody clothing folded up on her dresser—and her leather jacket hanging on the back of her vanity chair—right next to where she’d left Harry’s things.

Harry.

“Em?” Zora’s shaky voice cut through the slightly insane plans Ember had been brewing. “Are… you okay?”

She turned away from the dresser, trying to focus. “Yeah, where the fuck are you?”

“Um, the safe house.” She cleared her throat. “No one followed me.”

“Good, stay there,” Ember demanded. “Don’t come back to the apartment.”

There was a brief pause, then, “Why not?”

“He found me.” They never said his name anymore, but Zora always knew what she meant. 

The line was quiet for a while long, before Zora finally sighed. “What are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know yet. You should call Ace and get away. As far away as you can.”

“He’s already here. Ember... there’s something—“

“Just leave, Z. If he finds you too...” She raked her hand through her hair frantically, not even wanting to entertain that thought.

There was an eery silence and then Z inhaled. “Did he do something to you?”

“No.” The last thing she wanted was for Z to worry. Not to mention, what Dominic did to her was no worse than anything else she’d been through before.   

“E, you can come with us. You don’t have to—“

Ember just groaned in annoyance and cut her off. “Look, we both know this life has always made you miserable and you’ll never get away from it if I go with you.” She’d wandered over to the dresser as she spoke, to Harry’s clothes specifically. He could help her, she was sure of it. He’d mentioned having associates, other people that could help her disappear. That was all she needed. Just to disappear. 

And if the state of his friend’s apartment meant anything, then he could use the type of money she had. The type of money she could pay him to help her.

“Em...”

“I have to go.” Ember didn’t bother with goodbyes as she hung up and swiftly smashed her phone on the ground until it no longer had any chance of being brought back to life. She gathered the shirt and pants that still smelled exactly like Harry as those plans from earlier finally formed freely in her mind. And after she pulled on yet another pair of tattered jeans, black ones this time, she shoved as much cash as she had hidden in her safe into a backpack, along with Harry’s clothes right on top. 

She just hoped it’d be enough.

Ember had always been good at directions. Maybe it was because Dom had let her start driving at thirteen, but she could get herself around Kypa pretty well. Even if she was in a hungover-type state, stumbling home with the scent of some annoying, green-eyed prick’s scent filling her nostrils. 

And as such, she was able to find her way back to that building without too much trouble. It also helped that she’d committed the address to memory... just in case. But she knew for a fact she was in the right place when she got into the elevator and found the blood stains that still hadn’t been cleaned up and undoubtedly belonged to her. 

There were only a few doors to chose from once she got to the correct floor, going off of memories alone. But, again, the blood led her right up to the correct one. Room 159. Except the nine was missing and all that was left was the discolored wood in its place.

When she knocked, she knew Harry wouldn’t be the one answering the door, but she hoped whoever did, whoever the so-called friend of his was, would be able to lead her to him. She also hoped they weren’t still out of town, if Harry had even been telling her the truth about that.

Luckily enough, she heard footsteps on the other side, and after listening to the click of the lock being undone, she took a step back as the door opened in front of her.

Most definitely not Harry, and not really someone she would have expected him to be hanging out with, either. He seemed kind of... normal. With a five o’clock shadow and short blonde hair. Normal. Like he had a nine to five and drank black coffee every morning. 

“Can I help you?” He asked before his eyes had really searched her face. Before he’d really seen the shitty state of it. When he finally did though, he cringed just as everyone else had. But once he got past the initial reaction, his eyes narrowed as he looked at her like she was the bane of his existence. “Let me guess... you’re the one who bled all over my apartment.”

So she was in the right place. Thank god.

“I need to find Harry.”

The guy shifted his weight as if he was bored. “Yeah, he told me you might come looking for him. And he also told me not to tell you shit.”

She took a step closer to him and he took an equal step back, eyes widening as his gaze drifted down to where she pulled a knife seemingly out of nowhere. “Trust me, whatever he threatened to do to you will not be nearly as bad as what I will do.”

He held up his hands in surrender, muttering, “Okay, okay,” and refused to take his eyes off her knife until she put it away. Which she didn’t. Not until he gave her the information she wanted. She arched an eyebrow expectantly and he finally sighed and told her. “He’s probably down in The Hallows.” He swallowed thickly. “Off of Clover and tenth.” 

She sheathed her knife into its hiding spot and stepped back, smiling innocently. “Was that so hard?”

“When you find him,” the guy took a deep, relieved breath as he dropped his hands to his sides, “tell him I said to go fuck himself.”

The Hallows were the part of Southeast Kypa most normal people never ventured into. All sorts of shit happened above ground in the Moon District, so below it... Ember had never even wanted to know what went on down there. 

And the fact that Harry went there often enough that it was where his friend thought he could be found kind of terrified her. And not many things did.

Even so, she located the club on Clover and Tenth by sunset, bypassing some of the shadiest people she’d ever seen as she made her way down the stairs in near a pitch-black hole in the ground, as it seemed. There was just a faint, red light emanating from the bottom of the stairs. It got colder as she went down, too, as if she was stepping farther and farther into a damn crypt, and the metallic scent of blood became more potent. The electronic music from above began to fade as voices took its place. Loud voices, shouting all sorts of shit as she neared the bottom of the stairs. The floor was sticky when she reached the short hallway, but that was hardly a concern at the forefront of her brain. 

Because mostly, it felt like she’d just stepped foot into hell. 

She trudged on through the nearly empty hallway, which was lined sporadically with people who all eyed her up and down like they knew she didn’t belong. And comparing herself to them, she really didn’t. They all had multiple piercings, tattoos, other body modifications that looked painful. They all had bloodshot eyes as if they hadn’t seen the light of day in quite some time. Regardless, they all looked at her like they might eat her alive, and not in a good way. Ignoring them, she let the voices guide her until the hallway opened up into a crowded room where the shouting became a million times louder.

There wasn’t even anything in common they were all shouting, just a loud jumble of various phrases she could barely parse out from the rest, such as, “Make him bleed!” Or the slightly more concerning, “Kill him!” It was obvious they were all watching something in the middle of the crowd, but Ember wasn’t positive she wanted to know what. 

 It was still dark in the room, but the red light that came from a variety of neon signs on the back wall mixed with the sparse overhead lights—which flickered from time to time—was good enough to at least make out faces. It was mostly all men, she couldn’t see a single female anywhere, in fact, which also was slightly unsettling to her already shaky nerves.

Mixed in with the heavily masculine cheering was screaming rock music that seemed to propel everything faster and faster, including the pounding in her chest. She wasn’t exactly sure if it was from being afraid necessarily or from an adrenaline rush.

Because… she wasn’t exactly afraid. Nervous to have walked into some sort of lion’s den? Yes. But scared? Not exactly. Not like she thought she might be. 

So, she made her way through the crowds of people, sneaking through gaps and shoving her elbows into rowdy men who wouldn’t move. Quicker than she expected, she was near the center of the pit, close enough to peer over some lanky, underweight man’s shoulder and see what all the commotion was for. 

And there, in the middle of a makeshift ring—that was less a ring and just an open space surrounded by shirtless, sweaty, bloody men—was Harry. 

Who was also shirtless, sweaty, and bloody. 

The blood was mostly exclusive to his hands though, hands that weren’t covered by anything besides a useless band of tape around his knuckles as he went on beating the shit out of his opponent. 

She watched as he threw fist after fist, some being blocked, others meeting their target on the other man’s ribs. Before Harry managed to make a winning blow, however, his opponent got one sloppy hit in and sent Harry back a few steps. She also watched as Harry swiped the blood off his lip on the back of his hand and then beckoned the other man forward tauntingly. The ends of his hair were damp with sweat, and clung to his skin, and a few curly strands fell onto his forehead which didn’t seem to bother him.

And god, it was hot. Both Harry and in general, since she was still smushed between a bunch of men as their bodies tossed her around. And Harry… he was… 

She quickly snapped out of it after having been ogling at his bare chest with her mouth hanging open for the past five minutes. It also didn’t really help that she was, yet again, imagining his hands. How gentle they must’ve been dealing with her wounds and how violent they were now. She averted her gaze and began making her way out of the crowd to find a clearing. 

Once she did, she was able to breathe fresh, cool air again. Well, as fresh as it could be underground. She could still see bits and pieces of Harry from her new spot, and was still surrounded by men but they weren’t all on top of each other and quite a few of them weren’t paying much attention to the fight.

There was a couple benches nearby, one was occupied by a group of four who were definitely passing around narcotics of some sort. And on the other was just one man, albeit an attractive man, who glanced at his watch multiple times and seemed to be supervising an open gym bag which took up the rest of the space beside him. 

Her eyes traveled back to Harry, cringing as he struck again and the crowd exploded with cheers. The only thing she knew for sure was that, if she could convince him to do so, he could definitely help her. And she was not about to fuck up her only shot at keeping her freedom by letting those thoughts she’d had about Harry materialize. He wasn’t just some man she could fuck and never see again; she needed him. And although she didn’t trust him, she, at the very least, knew he had a heart and a conscious because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have even bothered to save her. 

And why save her and then refuse to help her escape certain death? 

She, in a way, already had Harry’s approval. Because he wouldn’t refuse. Because he did have a heart. And Ember was about to exploit it. 

With another few blows, Harry’s opponent fell to the ground and didn’t get back up again. Cheers louder than any time before flooded through the room as someone lifted Harry’s hand in the air, claiming him as the victor while he caught his breath. Of what she could see, he didn’t exactly seem happy to have won. In fact, as soon as his wrist was released, he pushed himself through the crowd and disappeared from her line of sight completely.

She waited until she could see where he went before she made a move toward him, but her plans were cut short when a hand plastered itself onto her backside. 

And she didn’t even spare a second to think. She just flipped right around and used the momentum to her advantage as her fist flew down onto the man’s face. While he held onto his wound and muttered something about her being a bitch, she took the opportunity to punch him in the gut as well until he doubled over in a loud grunt. Then she grabbed hold of her blade and pressed it to his throat, lifting him upright until he was looking at her and she was right in his face, vicious as ever. 

Blood dripped from the tiny cut she’d given him on his neck as she snarled at him, “You’re lucky I have better things to do, or I would have chopped your fucking hands off.”

He pushed away from her in an instant, and tumbled into the crowd where he escaped with an absolutely terrified expression on his face. As he should be. Ember wouldn’t even have hesitated to follow through on her threat if she were anywhere else, doing anything else. She also couldn’t afford to draw too much attention to herself. So, she just sheathed her knife and turned her attention back toward locating Harry.

Even so, people all around were watching her, whether she liked it or not, and they all seemed to have taken a step back, whether it was because they’d heard her threat or knew she had a knife on her, she couldn’t be sure. And how she managed to intimidate a whole room of overly aggressive men, she was also unsure, but she was definitely thankful for it. 

It didn’t take long for her eyes to find the magnetic pull of his gaze. He stood at one of the benches, the one with the guy by himself who she now assumed was a friend of his. Both of them watched her; Harry, in particular, frozen in the middle of removing the tape from his knuckles. And as she began walking towards him, she made out the shape of a curse on his lips just before he broke eye contact.

As she stopped in front of him, he continued to remove his tape, completely ignoring her and hoping she’d just go away. But, instead, she stayed. Long enough to make him curious. So he finally muttered, without meeting her gaze, “How’d you find me?” 

Once the tape was off, he grabbed a towel from the open bag to clean off the sweat and blood. Her eyes drifted from the bag up to the man sitting beside it. The one who was even more attractive up close and most definitely staring right back at her. Then he looked her up and down and she’d never felt the weight of someone’s gaze as heavily as she did then. And it only got worse when he met her eyes and smirked at her. 

“Who’s this?” She asked Harry, motioning to his friend.

“Nobo—“ Harry began but he was abruptly cut off as the other man stood and held his hand out to her in greeting. He had to be above six foot, like Harry, but he was a few inches taller still. And the loose tank he wore with his black basketball shorts were absolutely an excuse to show off his biceps and pecs. 

She made an effort not to ogle at him too. 

“Noah.” His voice was friendlier than she expected, considering he had the sharp kind of bone structure that would intimidate anyone. 

She stared at his hand cautiously for a moment before shaking it. She wasn’t foolish enough to trust some random man, even if he was Harry’s friend and he was insanely beautiful and had muscles bigger than her head.

“Yeah, okay, that’s enough.” Harry tossed his towel over his shoulder and stepped between them, shoving an amused Noah back onto the bench and turning to glare down at Ember. It was then she realized Harry was still very much shirtless and sweaty. And she was positive if she reached out and touched him, his chest would be hard as a rock. 

She kept her impulses in check.

“How’d you find me, Ember?” He repeated, a little bit angrier this time though, and the sound of her name in his voice sent shivers down her spine. He hadn’t said it before, even though he’d claimed to know exactly who she was. Hearing it now... she nearly lost her train of thought.

“I, uh...” she shook her head clear and glanced at Noah once before facing Harry again and crossing her arms over her chest. “Turns out your friend isn’t out of town after all.”

Harry averted his eyes for a moment and then it seemed to dawn on him what she’d done. He raked his hand through his hair and sighed. “Fucking Trevor.”

Ember’s eyes fell to Noah again when he spoke. “Trevor’s a pussy, I told you to stop fucking with him.”

Harry twisted and glared at his friend. “Shut the hell up, Noah.”

Noah’s face became exaggeratedly offended. “Go fuck yourself, Harry.”

“Oh yeah!” Ember exclaimed, earning both boys’ full attention. “Trevor told me to tell you to go fuck yourself too. And, you know, maybe you should. It might help with those anger issues.” She gestured toward where the ring had been, where he’d been fighting only moments ago.

Noah coughed out a laugh which he swallowed quickly when Harry cut him another very angry glance before he faced Ember, shifting his weight impatiently. “Why are you here?”

Her eyes slowly traveled back towards Harry, not exactly ready to admit it to him, but she knew she had no choice. It was him or it was facing both Dominic and inevitable death by herself. “I need your help.”

He was quiet for the first time ever and she watched as his eyes scanned her face for possibly also the first time since her arrival. His features softened as he did and then, without even thinking about the consequences, he lifted his hand to her cheekbone, running his thumb lightly across the gash that had once been perfectly stitched up but was now, more or less, in shambles. His voice was a lot gentler when he spoke. “Looks like all my work went to shit anyway.”

She stared into his eyes and felt... too much. Too much that frightened her more than Dominic Aldine himself frightened her. She pulled away from him and Harry quickly dropped his hand, an apology ready on his lips that never came out because Ember moved right along.

“I have money. I’ll work for you, too. I don’t care. I just need to disappear.” She pulled her backpack down from her shoulders and held it in front of her while she unzipped the main pocket slightly, grabbing one stack of cash from underneath the clothes to briefly show him she was serious.

He lifted a brow and then shifted his gaze toward Noah. Noah who didn’t have any fucking idea what was going on, or who Ember even was. He’d be of no use because if it was up to Noah, he’d say yes to the cash in a heartbeat. But Noah didn’t know about the much larger lump sum offered to him elsewhere. It didn’t matter much because Noah didn’t say a damn thing anyway. It was obvious Harry had gotten himself into some deep shit and Noah wasn’t about to jump in the middle of it. So, Harry was left to his own devices in deciding whether or not to help the girl he was supposed to have put into a grave by now.

 “Please?” She begged, zipping her backpack closed. “You can have all of it.” She handed it to him and when Harry refused to take it, she gave it to Noah instead. Noah who took it because he didn’t know what the fuck else to do. 

And, besides, why wouldn’t he accept a backpack full of cash?

“Why do you need my help?” The question felt like defeat, like he’d already agreed to it since he was asking her for more information. He mentally begged for someone to smack some sense into his brain, but no one did of course.

“There is,” she kept her voice down so that only Harry and Noah heard her, “apparently, a price on my head.” 

His eyes widened for a moment before he got his reactions back in check. He glanced at Noah quickly, who just gave him a useless, blank look. She clearly hadn’t figured out the truth about him, or else she wouldn’t be asking for his help, so that meant... someone else was trying to kill her too. Had Dominic hired another assassin besides him? And did she know who had put that price on her head?

If it was true, that he’d hired somebody else, then maybe he’d have a better chance at getting out of the deal. And if he was getting out of it, then he had no reason not to help her. She was a paying client. And an extremely valuable asset if he actually got her to work for him—if her penthouse said anything about how much money she was able to rake in from her day job. 

“I imagine that had something to do with whatever happened to your face?” He suggested, nodding toward her. The closer he looked, the worse it seemed to be.

She hesitated, then shook her head. “No, that was—“ Stopping herself, she looked at anything besides Harry’s stupid emerald eyes. He couldn’t be trusted. Not yet anyway, and maybe never. He didn’t need to know about Dominic and why she was really begging for his help. Dominic would pay him triple the amount in her backpack to hand her over. So, the less Harry knew the better.

He waited still, concern knitted in his brows. “Who then? Because it looks like they used more than just their hands alone to fuck you up.”

“That doesn’t matter.” She tried to push away the memories from yesterday, the feeling of that metal clashing against her flesh and bone. Sighing, she met Harry’s gaze with sincerity. “Will you help me or not?”

He watched her for a moment, the need to attack whoever had hurt her turning his hands into fists. He’d never felt that way about someone he’d just met before and it fucking terrified him. Ember was nothing to him. A client now, he supposed, but that was it. 

And yet, he couldn’t stop thinking about beating some faceless man to death with the same weapon that had been used on her.

Maybe she had been on to something about those anger issues.

He focused himself and considered her question. Was he going to help her? Deep down, he knew there wasn’t really any other option for him. That was why he’d been so adamant to push her away because... well because he’d probably do just about anything she asked him to. And that also terrified him. 

He wished he never would have met Dominic all those years ago. Then he wouldn’t be in this fucking situation to begin with.

“Fine.” He finally groaned out between his teeth, after a much too long moment of staring into Ember’s pleading eyes and then recalling how she’d made him feel the last time he’d gotten lost in them. He couldn’t just kick her to the curb… even if he wasn’t doing himself any favors by agreeing to help her.

She let a smile slip onto her mouth but it wasn’t necessarily a happy one more so than it was a relieved one. He figured whatever she was into must be bad if she thought she couldn’t protect herself from it. If the notorious, death-machine that she was, was asking Harry for help.

Harry who was... no one special.

Noah cleared his throat and stood again, slinging her backpack over his shoulder. “There’s an abandoned manufacturing building north of here—” Noah didn’t get much further into giving her directions as Ember nodded. She was more than familiar with all the secret hiding places within Kypa, north or south. 

“I know it.” She confirmed.

 He arched an impressed brow, “Good. We’ll be there at six. You should probably pack a bag.” His eyes fell down the length of her body again and she had no idea what that meant, but his gaze made her sweat. In a good way. In a way that had certain parts of her body doing very stupid things. 

Then his eyes lingered a little too long on her ass. And, yes, maybe she liked it, but he was still just some man she didn’t know.

“Surely you saw what I did to that asshole.” She threatened, turning towards him completely to cut off his view and Noah nodded as he brought his eyes up north again.

“Indeed I did.”

She arched a brow, unsure if he was actually daring her to do the same to him too or not. 

But then he gave her that smirk again. “Don’t worry, I’d quite like to keep my hands attached to the rest of my body.”

Harry looked at his friend in disbelief and Noah just shifted his gaze and grinned back at him innocently, pleased with himself. Rolling his eyes, Harry bent to grab his shirt and then found Ember again as he pulled it over his head. “So tomorrow?”

She met his gaze and nodded, hoping she was right to be trusting Harry. He opened his mouth to say something more, but thought better of it. Instead, after a moment, he sighed and grabbed his bag off the bench.

“Try not to die before then.” 

[stormxpadme]

1, 5, 11, 16, 21, 26, 27, 32, 34, 37 god i hope i wrote the numbers right im on mobile. also full disclosure idr scheduling this so it was fun figuring out whats happening. my answers coming as soon as the laptop awakens, till then, tell me everything 😍💖💖💖💖

Weird Questions for Writers

1 -  What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

I’m a Bookman old style girl indeed. As my followers know at this point, I’m a dinosaur aka proud Xennial, generation analogue to digital, from typewriter to cloud. So I went from the first Word programs to what we have now and also had my first office jobs when the whole PC thing was still in its first stages. Everyone especially in business life used Times and Arial and Verdana back then, and honestly, I was just really bored by those. So when I got on my own PC and started transcribing my fanfics from handwritten to electronic, I chose something that was still easy to read but didn’t look like work. And that stuck. I even use that font in my work life whenever I can get away with it. I just really love Bookman old style.

5 - Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

I don’t think so? Though if it counts, I’ve encountered prophetic writing with my stuff before and that can be pretty creepy. Like, in an entirely non religious way, of course, because I’m agnostic, but like ... visions put in writing. Stuff of my stories that came true weirdly specific in one shape or another later. So there’s that.

11 - Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

Nah, I have a very hard time killing my protagonists. So if it happens at all, you can be sure I’ll find a way to bring them back at some point. At that point when I do kill them off tho, I cry. Like, a lot.

16 - What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

Nothing strange, I think, I was just one of those sinners as a kid using dog-ears.

21 - Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

Nope, not gonna happen. This is the thing that keeps me alive, and I don’t have any suicidal tendencies these days.

26 -  How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

A lot, I think, with faceclaims when it comes to my own characters. Watching the material I got of the actors in questions, doing moodboards, videos, stuff like that. It was very inspiring for many scenes in the past. Then there’s the good old impersonating them in your head in calm moments like under the shower or when brushing your teeth, playing random scenarios in your head, contemplating how they will react. But in the end, a lot of characterizing only comes when I actually write them.

27 -  Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

I’ve got a lot of anxiety about my current first trans character, especially since the canon faceclaim is no other than Elliot Page. So I’m just really terrified I’ll fuck this whole thing up because it is not my personal corner of queer so I can’t write from experience.

32 -  What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

I’m more prone to movie lines than book quotes tbh, and poetry is not my world. I can cheat here though, since movie is based on a book, so Imma go with PS, I love you here.

“You made my life. But I'm just one chapter in yours.“

I’ve used that sentiment two times myself, in the two longest fanfiction projects I made, one of which I’m working on right now, and it’s breaking me every time.

And from the same movie (there’s reasons I can’t sit through this without crying):

“Thing to remember is if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too.“

Also something I used before in stories, and a thought that sometimes help.

34 -  Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

I hate it with the passion of a thousand suns since it has no place in German, and if grammarly wouldn’t do it for me, I would never use it.

37 -  If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

Hopeless romantic as long as there’s enough torture involved.

[transsexualhamlet]

If you're still doing the song ask can you do Sherliam?

Yes, of course! Sorry it took me a while to get to this one lol but yessss

Song ask was make a 10 song playlist for a ship or character and since I think there's demand for this Im just gonna stick it in the actual sherliam tag!

Generally, it's a lot easier for me to do characters than ships but I have actually thought about this one a lot. I know a lot of the songs are pretty basic, but they work really well so stfu. I tried to put these in chronological order according to the storyline from when they first met to where things are now, but a lot of them would be simultaneous, so yeah lol

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5flNUgIR44PNjUOd8inbgh?si=8ac0229621ba4694

Catch Me If You Can by Set It Off: I made an amv for this song as well with them, and I really cannot think of any song that fits them more than this one to be perectly honest. I mean. Catch me if you can. But seriously it is everything with how they interact with each other. They're having way too much fun with the game, they're playing with each other and leading each other on and both on opposite sides and completely in sync. Motherfuckers are basically canonical soulmates but hmm intellectually fighting each other is basically sex for them.

From The Gallows by IDK HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME: As soon as I read ynm I knew this was exactly Liam to Sherlock. I think a lot of my ships fit this dynamic very well, but. Yeah. Mans is like yes we are enemies yes I'm deeply in love with you please judge me to be worth saving or not so if you don't think you can kill me and I'll be happy. Pretty straight forward there.

Masterpiece Theatre I by Marianas Trench: This one is Liam singing, and I think that altogether, the whole set of those three masterpiece theatre songs work for the whole series, both the anime and manga. But the first one especially. God, it works so well. It's all this incredibly guilt ridden person lamenting their great plan and how at the end they 100 percent plan to let it all be destroyed, including themself, over Yearning towards someone they're not supposed to be with and that they've been hiding a lot from. They've become all lies and fronts and they've had to ignore all their emotions for quite some time, and all they want to do is give it all up and cry into this person's arms even if it would go against everything they've worked for, even if it would kill them.

Collar Full by P!ATD: This one is pretty easy, I think both of them could be singing it at once. They're both awfully head over heels for each other and they've been pining for an ungodly amount of time that their natural state is just Yearning, but they know that if they ever got together it would be a chemical reaction that would destroy everything. All of the world is watching them and they have to hide it or die, they know if they were to be open about their secrets there would be nothing left between them to stop it from all falling apart, so they'll try to be together and try to pretend to be oblivious to why they can't. At this point though, it's been so long and all they've done is fall farther that they don't really care and they would rather collide and let the chaos happen just for the chance to embrace each other. AND "You've got a pocket full of reasons why you're here tonight, so baby tonight just be... the death of me" is LITERALLY JUST THE CANON

Hell by Dear Sherlock: I cannot believe how lucky i was to come across a song by a band called DEAR SHERLOCK? But yeah this one basically delves into Liam in the final problem, in his thoughts and in his letter. He's not in a good place at all, and he's sunk to his darkest, thinking himself to basically be the devil incarnate, and things are coming to their climax, shit's going to go down, and he's obsessed with trying to get Sherlock to kill him and end it all. Liam has been holding back all his emotions for a long time and they're all going off at once and he wants to expose all of them to Sherlock alone, leaving him vulnerable. Even though it's the thing he's always been most scared of, he craves it. He knows he's in love and he knows that's a problem but he'll do anything to die at Sherlock's hands at this point and he's convinced that Sherlock must hate him enough to do it but he'll confess everything anyway.

Achilles Come Down by Gang Of Youths: Surely, everyone knows this song, and it can be way overdone, but once again... it's them. Sherlock is desperately trying to convince Liam not to jump. Liam isn't listening.

Come With Me by Chxrlotte: I've actually made a sherliam amv to this song. I just happened to stumble across it and every single lyric fits perfectly into the storyline, especially in the anime. It's super soft and shippy yknow but this one is definitely Sherlock singing it- he doesn't care if they're supposed to be on opposite sides, he wants to make Liam happy even if the whole world is against it. He'll cross any line to reach him and he wants to always be there for him and even if he has to wait years and years he'll always forgive him and no matter what he believes they'll eventually reunite.

It's Alright by Mother Mother: Man, this song always gets me, but I think this really encompasses how good they can be for each other after it all goes down. They've both been incredibly reckless, self destructive, and kind of fucked up. They each have complimentary problems that make them feel like they're barely worth being alive. But because they love each other so much and they want the other to survive and be happy, neither of them is allowed to die, and they're going to live on together and they're going to heal each other and they're going to cry to each other and embrace each other and learn to live with themselves and get better and fix everything. God, they need it so much, and they need each other.

In Our Bedroom After The War by Stars: Again, I know this song is overdone, but just imagine this after the fall? Imagine this when they're both healing from the fall and learning to live with Billy in America? And like, it's a really tentative time, they're all still hurting so much and Sherlock has got to constantly worry if Liam is gonna throw himself off the fucking roof? But he hasn't yet and it looks less and less likely that he's gonna, so that's one good thing at least. They're able to settle down and try to calm their nerves and get away from the shit that's happened, and they cling to a very domestic routine, at once still so broken but healing and constantly reminded of just how much they have to be thankful for.

Laughter Lines by Bastille: I've always thought of this as a song for nezushi (from no. 6) because of the whole eventual reunion somewhere far down the line yearning but GOD they REALLY DID THAT IN THE ANIME and even kind of in the manga they have still been separate from each other a lot and on like, other ends of the goddamn planet. They spent a long time trying to be able to reach each other and get together, and they finally got to a good spot where they're able to accept it. Because so many things happened and there was a lot yet to be done, they had to leave each other for a long time with no way to contact each other, but they'll be waiting for the time when the other can finally come back and they're both healed enough to settle down. Cries real tears.

[helisol]

dude im not sure you will get it after reading this either, but you Can read it now

okay so first of all do not expect me to adhere to rules of grammar or Proper capitalisation, I am writing from the heart

so it’s been said before by other people but if Quark and Odo didnt look like the aliens that they are but instead like two regular prettybois the fandom would do cartwheels over their dynamic and Not call them a crack ship. because really, their dynamic fucking SLAPS and I’m here to tell you Why.

their surface-level dynamic is “Respected and Talented Security Chief and Cunning Immoral Businessman who are in Love but pretend not to be” and that's just an off-brand version of enemies to lovers! which is excellent and for some people that’s all you really need to get invested in a ship.

but some people look at it and go “Hm, no, that’s not enough. I mean, they work as friends but it doesn’t really have to be romantic.” and to that I say you are Absolutely Valid, not everything has to be romantic.

it just so happens that these two fuckers have one of the most compelling romance stories ever, and it’d be a shame not to explore it.

so before I dive into the internalised homophobia and repression, I’d like to take a moment to talk about Quark as a character.

because if you have brainworms like me you can kind of see that its an honest to god greek tragedy.

this guy comes from a race of people where being kind, ethical and fair is considered Abnormal and Horrifying. and I’m not gonna call Quark out of all people kind, ethical or fair but,,, 

you ever notice how he’s A Much Better Person Than Pretty Much All Other Ferengi?

dont get me wrong, Quark is still a bastard, but every once in a while his True Character shines through. and I say True Character because guys,,, the way he behaves around other people is an Act. he’s pretending to be something he’s not.

he has to try so hard to be a good ferengi it’s honestly painful to watch at times. because he is a SHIT ferengi! 

he loves his friends- because that's what the ds9 crew are. they’re his friends! and it makes him miserable because that's not! normal! for a ferengi!

let’s compare Quark and Rom for a second. 

Quark reeks of self loathing because a lot of the time he just Doesn’t act like a ferengi is supposed to, and this drives a lot of conflict in the show. he knows how a ferengi should act, it’s just that he can’t!! fucking!! do it!! but he still tries and tries to fit into that mold, which straight up ruins his life on multiple occasions.

Rom is also not a Model Ferengi, but he lives without hating himself. and it’s mostly because he doesn’t care about how a ferengi Should act, he’s loved and cared for even when everybody knows that he’s a shit ferengi! because his non-ferengi-ness works to his benefit. it encourages and highlights his abilities as an engineer. the success and love he finds make it easy for him to be content with his true self. Unlike Quark, who doesn’t get unconditional love from anyone.

its so!! tragic!! because you can see what Quark is really like!! his true self!! he’s a nice guy who cares for people!

its right there all the time and it's so blatantly obvious. especially in episodes like “Body Parts”, “Bar Association”, “The Way Of The Warrior” and “Ferengi Love Songs”

his own wiki page literally calls him “a compassionate and generous man by ferengi standards” which pretty much translates to “not really a good ferengi”.

anyway so Quark is a tragic figure or whatever but we’re actually here for the REPRESSED! HOMOSEXUAL! TENDENCIES! that he and Odo both exhibit.

with characters like garak you don’t really need to have brainrot to pick up on those tendencies, because that was something andrew robinson chose to do, on purpose. 

and to be fair, Quark wasn’t intended to be Any kind of representation, not even by the actor. I’m just pointing out that he Does look and act and talk like a little gayman.

I will admit that he is Painfully Straight in the text of the show, but on a meta level he’s just. a dude who has a serious case of repressing his real personality. and taking it a step further- he also represses his feelings towards another man.

and that man is Odo.

a few things on him:

Odo is literally desperate to be a person. unlike Quark, who at least has the comfort of belonging to a society of people with a set of rules and expectations, Odo has never met anyone or anything like him in all his years of life.

like, we all know Odo basically grew up in a lab, right? 

with people who didn’t know anything about him. who he was so unalike that they literally called him “Nothing”

but he still learned to look and talk and act like them (because if he didn’t he’d feel *pain* which is very fucked up by the way?)

so we know for a fact that Odo wants to be recognised as a person- which is why he tries really hard to conform to the ideals of the society that raised him. instead of exploring his nature as a shape shifter he maintains a humanoid form, picks up a job and creates an entire personality around what he wants to be seen as. but not what he really is.

and that's the thing that causes all the conflict between Quark and Odo. the type of person odo wants to be seen as is the polar opposite of whatever the fuck quark wants to be seen as.

In the same way that Quark acts like a Normal Ferengi, Odo acts like a Normal Security Officer.  and in a cruel twist of fate, the Ferengi happens to be the antithesis of the Security Officer.

If you only look at them as the things they act like, and not the things they are, you might say they’re way too different to like each other, right? 

but,,, if you think about the fact that they’re both putting on this act,,, this performance of idealised versions of themselves,,, you can see that they are The Same. They Are Both Gay Repressed Loser Aliens Who Try To Act Like Things That They Aren’t!

Imagine you’re Odo. 

Imagine that you’re Nothing, because you’re not like anything anyone has ever seen- and because you are Nothing you don’t fall in love with anyone for years and years. since who could love something that isn’t like them at all?

But then one day this Thing shows up in your path and you just hate it. Because it’s not like anything *you* have ever seen. It’s disorderly and looks grotesque and it’s criminal to boot.

It’s all the things you learned would make a “Bad Person” It’s everything you aspire not to be, because if you were any of those things you would BE PUNISHED.

But the trouble is, eventually he’s not an “it” anymore, he’s “Quark” and you see him every day of your miserable little life because you live on the same damn station in space and it’s hard to avoid each other.

He also happens to be one of the only things in your life that are constant. He will never leave because he is stubborn and greedy and you just *hate him so much* that you’re convinced he must be doing all of it to spite you. And yet you also can’t seem to leave him alone.

So Odo Must Hate Quark. everything else is a non sequitur for him. he can’t not hate Quark.

because Quark is, and i’m sincerely sorry to apply christian fucking imagery to this, The Forbidden Fruit.

If he liked quark he’d admit some kind of moral failing. it would be the end of his act. but on the other hand...it might be a good thing, because at least he could have quark.

but Odo can never go through with biting into this apple because the consequences are horrifying to him. he could never have quark because, according to his performance, he would Never like quark to begin with.

and here’s a take for you: Odo's Brand Of Internalised Homophobia Doesn't Stem From Heteronormativity. It Stems From The Fact That He Was Kind Of Assigned Asexual At Birth.

and the show sort of alludes to this, for real! not just subtext! canon! except the writers used the wrong person. 

because instead of Odo having these Forbidden Feelings for Quark he has them for,,, Kira.

but since this is My Quodo Manifesto you’ll understand that i am 100% willing to just toss that part of canon out the airlock.

so Odo does canonically have that mindset of “no one could ever love me”  for decades he repressed any and all feelings of love to avoid getting hurt. in the show he breaks this cycle of repression when he takes a chance and enters a relationship with Kira. yay?

but we all know that aint it chief. and part of the reason why That Ship Ain’t It is the fact that Quark is Right There. and he is simply the more interesting choice for odo.

he and Odo literally share the same problem and have weird intertwined character arcs! they are both dreadfully afraid of not conforming to the ideal versions of themselves, so they reject everything that could challenge their Performance!

on some fucked up level they hate each other *and* themselves individually. and this hatred makes them reject parts of their real identities for the sake of protecting their image. which. yknow. in gay people. is internalised homophobia!

so you can see that they’re both repressing A Lot even if you view them as Friends, but the most important thing in this kind of romantic dynamic is usually,,, when the characters *stop* repressing.

and the thing is. the thing that Kills Me with these two. They Never Get That Moment. Thats Why You Need The Brainrot To See Them As Romantic.

The Ascent gives us an example of what happens when they both take their act too far. I mean, who could forget “Fascist!” and “Fraud!” That is what odo thinks of quark’s performance and vice versa, but we don’t really hear them adress the fact that they *are* playing these roles to a ridiculous extent.

We also never get an example of what would happen if they dropped their act instead of over-performing it. or rather we don’t get to see both of them drop it.

And the reason why we never get that moment is because there’s this one key difference between Quark and Odo. 

Quark knows that he’s constantly repressing his true nature and his feelings for odo. We pretty much hear him say so in the iconic root beer scene in Way Of The Warrior. he knows that he’s not a good ferengi but he keeps up his act.

So quark is aware enough to feel that sweet sweet self loathing. But Odo isnt self loathing as much as he is just self sabotaging.

and this subtle difference between them is why, at the very end of the show, we get “That man loves me, can’t you see? It was written all over his back!”

this moment is quark dropping his act and asking odo to do the same. he wants to hear a genuine Goodbye from him because they have known each other for Decades and they are Friends. but odo is so unable to express the feelings he’s been repressing all these years. that he self sabotages again and just walks away.

even though this is like. very anticlimactic. considering I just spent 2000 words talking about how Odo and Quark are Most Certainly Gay For Each Other.

The fact that their ending is so Weird is the reason why quodo is so engaging and appealing to me? especially post-canon quodo.

like, the amount of “what if’s” this ship has are Astounding.

What if either of them had dropped their act a little sooner? What if they both did, for just a moment, and it was the straw that breaks the camels back?

What if Odo comes back after a few years? What if Quark comes to get him?

What if, in that moment in the finale where Quark drops his act, Odo had returned the gesture? What if Gag-Reel Quodo Kiss.gif Real?

with the depth that I read into their relationship, those what ifs are really fun to think about.

anyway its 1 am and i’m not an english major so literary analysis is not like, my strong suit. plus most of this was written in a late night screaming session with a friend who has the exact same opinions as me. i just think aliens hot and in love. thats all.