#especially over sam who he views as His To Control/'Protect'/own.....

[sammygender]

but tbh even when i was a deangirl like 90% of deans appeal was that undercurrent of resentment and damage he has. how hes so damaged by his childhood but so unwilling to begin to heal because it would mean rejecting every brick he's built himself from - hes modelled himself on john, or how he imagined john to be (bc i actually truly think dean is and becomes way more macho and posturing than john ever was! and theres something to be said of how all his imitations of john are aesthetic, his jacket and his music and the beer he drinks, and how john was gone so Often, how we never see him in the flashback episodes save once (ofc doylist explanation is bc they didnt want to get the actor but).... the absence of a father ruling their life more than a father...).

and obviously that is going to lead to someone who cant Get Better or Break The Cycle cause he wed himself to it when he was 4 and has grown entwined with it and how is he meant to Really confront that? sure he can say 'my father was an obsessed bastard' or hurtle insults that sam's like john as a way to get under sam's skin and realise that he has #daddyissues but he'll always return back to the steady belief that john still tried his best and was still fundamentally good. like. family is hell. and dean's whole thing is and has always been the family.

[bostrichidae]

screaming without the v.

so. guess who just watched my adventures with superman season 2.

AUUUUUUGUAUGHHGH (/POS????? I THINK??????)

SPOILERS BELOW CUT

i love kara. i love the way her character was handled, i love her realistic mix of naivety and maturity beyond her years. i'll talk a bit more about her later.

the representation of krypton is beautiful. from kara's point of view, she sees the kryptonian empire as this utopian place where all was well in the world, but clark knows better. he's seen the truth of krypton from a mostly unbiased perspective, and could probably make the connections between krypton and similar empires on earth. he understands that the beauty of a so-called perfect world comes at a devastating price. of course kara didn't know about the destroyed planets due to her brainwashing, but even after she found out she denied it because krypton is perfect, because why would the planets have to get destroyed in the first place? why wouldn't they want to become part of this perfect world?

and clark. aurgh, clark. i stand by my belief that this is the best characterization of superman. his fear of hurting others, his fear of being a weapon, his constant fighting to protect the world from devastation and to unite all peoples within our nation even if the powers of that world reject him for existing. and when he became his worst fear, when his body became a weapon turned against earth, he still fought. he fought to protect his family, his friends, his home. he fought against himself, his origins, and everything he was supposed to be. by breaking free of brainiac's control, both kara and clark claimed their own identities. they separated themselves from their predecessors and ancestors, allowing the kryptonian empire to truly fall without the pillars of the next generation holding it up. i have so many fucking thoughts about the generational trauma of krypton but i won't get into that right now.

now back to kara and her relationship with brainiac. she was a sheltered, manipulated child, and her situation absolutely reeks of stockholm syndrome. she's aware that brainiac isn't her biological father, but he raised her. he saved her from that escape pod, she taught him to be strong. every time he called her weak, beat her, scolded her over small mistakes, he was only helping her get stronger! her father was never wrong, when he called her weak it's because it was true and he wanted to help her be a warrior!

right?

clark is an outside influence, a foreign entity, an unpredictable variable getting in the way of their relationship and helping her to open her eyes. but after everything, after brainiac is revealed to be the kryptonians' murderer, she still despairs when he dies. she feels sorrow for the man who nearly killed her cousin, who wiped out her people, who brainwashed her into acts of genocide. who raised her, who cherished her as a daughter, who shaped her into the warrior she is today. i think it will be fascinating to see how she copes with brainiac's death and her different environment in season 3, especially because we saw she kept part of her father abuser with her. she's a wonderful character they could never make me hate you kara from my adventures with superman. i think rät by penelope scott really works well for her and her life with brainiac, give it a listen if you haven't before.

other stuff i really liked about this season:

lois and sam, how their past together is revealed as their future together constantly shifts trajectories. two lanes diverged, amiright fellas... hahah... yeah. i love how lois still carries her father's lessons with her, even after everything he did. how yes, he was a shitty father, but he truly did care about keeping her safe. that he's a flawed character with problems of his own- and she acknowledges that, and recognizes why he does what he does. but still doesn't forgive him. this show is SO FUCKING GOOD at complicated relationships i swear

livewire and heatwave power couple? fuck yeah. monsieur mallah and the brain returning? hell yes. STEEL??? HELL FUCKING YES.

silas stone cameo and somewhat important role in the first half of the season, hopefully we'll see more of him soon... (hopefully we see victor. im a little bit not normal about victor stone. in a non simp way.)

kara and james is so cute... love me some healthy straight ships in my silly show about a himbo and his emotional support goblins. clois and jara double date RIGHT THIS INSTANT I DEMAND OF YOU

the alternate world where clark was raised on krypton... i kind of want to see more of that. like a short episode released independent from the storyline showing a bit more of kryptonian culture and what it would've been like to grow up there. i just think it'd be really neat

lex. calm down buddy. ur like 12. you don't need to go bald yet. sees season 3 first images LEX. PUT THE WEAVE BACK ON THIS INSTANT.

speaking of season 3... KON EL!!! HE'S ARRIVED!!! i'm actually tweaking out rn i need season 3 to be released. i need to know!!! fanfiction will only indulge my fantasies for so long.

clark and kara doing spiderman kisses with lois and jimmy thank you for coming to my ted talk.

cat grant is such a theater kid... she definitely played patty in a production of grease at some point.

if you've made it all the way to here then thank you for reading my essay(?) on why maws s2 is peak superhero media. and thanks for listening to me as i scream without the v anyways go watch this wonderful show

[mutantontheloose]

Hi!

This is a RP blog for my X-Men/Marvel OC Lina. I do not own the X-Men or the Avengers - this whole blog is just for fun! Both the OC Lina and the mod are over 21

Lina is a combination of Lorna Dane and Nina from Apocalypse.

She’s the daughter of Erik/Magneto - her power is Magnetokinesis like her father. She’s as powerful as Erik.

Instead of dying in the woods with her mother, Lina survived and was found by soldiers who gave her to Thaddeus Ross who had a telepath wipe her memories and put her on ice. The plan was to make Lina into a weapon to control Magneto.

Erik and Charles discovered this and rescued Lina, restoring her memories and raising her at the school.

Lina officially joined the X-Men once she finished school - taking the mutant name Magfire.

On a mission, Lina crossed paths with the Avengers and became friends/allies.

Personality: Lina is sassy and sarcastic, loyal to the people she loves, she’s fiercely protective of any children - mutant or human, she has a clear moral code, having come so close to death she loves life, plays bass and paints.

Appearance: Lina has dark eyes and dark hair. Lina has a grungy style, wears dark colours, has a tongue piercing and likes experimenting with hair dye.

Relationships:

X-Men

Erik/Magneto: really close to her Papa, Erik can be extremely protective at times, but he’s also immensely proud of Lina, of her power and her strength.

Charles/Professor X: Charles adores her. Lina got her strong moral compass from Charles and views him as a second father. One pout and “Uncle Charlie” is done for.

Peter Maximoff: Peter was so excited to have a little sister! Sometimes he gets a little insecure about how close Erik and Lina are but is quickly reassured by Lina. They play video games and have movie nights together - kinda annoy the shit out of everyone else.

Mystique, Jean, Scott and Storm: all like older siblings. Lina knows when she needs help they’ve got her back.

Bobby, Rouge, Gambit, and Pyro: chaotic best friends. Dubbed “Mystery Inc.” by Scott. Ride or die, fight together - no mourners, no funerals.

Avengers:

Gets along well with everyone, becomes a link between the two teams.

Good friends with Yelena, Wanda and Nat.

It took a while for Tony and Bruce to trust Lina and welcome her in, but her ability to help mend equipment in the field won them over.

Lina and Bucky had a slow burn romance. Mainly due to Bucky’s fears about being romantically involved with someone after all he’s been through. When Lina gets too boisterous and rowdy Bucky will grumble about being an old man, until Lina makes him crack a smile. (My Bucky rp is @justawhitewolf)

Steve likes Lina, he’s happy his best friend has found someone. Especially someone who helps Bucky see the lighter side of life again. Sam and Lina get on like a house on fire, both enjoy teasing the “grandpas” about modern pop culture.

Unfortunately Sam has walked in on some awkward situations…..

[greasysteak]

Im back you guys

Supernatural is never forgotten it seems. Very happy to be here I missed being passionate about this show lol😇😇😇😇💝🎖️

Anyways one of my favorite things in sam and deans dynamic is the way they compliment each other in how they respond to when the other is in danger/dead/injured. I remember some really amazing posts being made about this by other people before omg. Still on my mind.

Idk I know partly it’s because the show puts them in very different situations but I think it’s very telling that when Sam dies dean hurts himself, plans his own demise (ie suicide) and when Dean dies Sam plans to essentially hurt the outside world (so, others) in this very mechanical vengeful way. Same way John did really lol although the show already presents this comparison very early on.

Dean is protective, his sole focus is that Sam is ok, no matter if he does end up fighting whoever in the process. Sam is reactive, his focus is on hurting whoever did the inflicting on dean. This in my opinion is because Sam is Dean’s world, or at least, Deans link to the outside world as well as his sense of self as a person with the role of Protector. Meanwhile Dean is arguably the most important part of Sam’s world, which is filled with the rest of everything as well. And Dean is Sam’s link to the world of Hunting, even when hunting becomes something he’s chosen on his own for himself no matter what Dean might want for him.

In this same train of thought, when Sam dies, Dean’s first reaction is to paralyze, to become passive, outwardly distressed, disconnected. When he does become active, he’s still very clearly emotional. When Dean dies Sam very quickly becomes active in a much controlled, methodical manner where the anger boils and spills.

Obivously within reason. They both cry, are sad, etc Lol. But I do think the contrast in how they act is there.

I really like the characterization of Dean not being someone especially vengeful, rather dutiful. And Sam as either the opposite, or both.

In the same vein I’ve always found it really interesting how the persona of who is the normal one and who is the weird one flips and flops between the two brothers throughout the show and in various contexts. In reality they’re both outsiders within their world and they are both weird, since they’re hunters. Deep down Sam is the one with the conflict of being a freak, both in his family and an actual freak with the demon blood thing, and a freak within college life at Stanford in Palo Alto. But really Sam is also at the beginning of the show especially, presented as the normal of the two due to having been outside the world of hunting, unlike Dean, who remains sheltered… despite not having been the one BORN into hunting. He may be charismatic but he’s closed off, antisocial, except for Sam and the few contacts they have. As the show goes on, Sam’s neediness and Dean’s charisma puts them into the private and open one respectively.

Also i think it’s very important to note that they view their relationship in equally (yet different) distorted ways. And the show shows this. It’s lowkey easier to focus on Dean because he’s very protective but Sam is absolutely the same way (or even more intense lol depending on your interpretations) he just conceals it better most of the time lol.

Then again the show is so long and has so many glossed over details and so many retcons I swear you could make ANY claim and find substantial textual and subtextual evidence to back it up. I haven’t forgotten about the drunk driver Dean debate, you guys… That’s honestly what I love most about spn lol the implications of it all………

Anyways I’m not saying anything new here I know but I love this side of tumblr and spnblr omg..

[throughhazeleyesofgreen]

It's definitely a self-fulfilling prophecy scenario which is common in both storytelling and horror. Both John and Dean distrust and try to control Sam to keep him from his "destiny" but in the process create the circumstances that make him go darkside to begin with. The horror aspect is Sam never really showed signs of going darkside in s1 and s2. His biggest transgressions were pride (which allowed him to leave hunting, at least for a short time, which is a sin in the Winchester family. At least in the early seasons) and anger (which was largely caused from the mistrust, lack of respect, and lack of agency in his own life). Again, who is largely creating those feelings in Sam's life? And while I'm putting a lot of blame on John and Dean here, Bobby is also guilty of this, though he largely follows Dean's lead from what I remember. Bobby actually speaks up for Sam a few times, which is more than a lot of side characters do.

I'd also like to point out, Sam was one of the few psychic children shown that was using his powers to help people. I'd really wish we would have gotten more time to explore the psychic children plotline that was being developed in S2 but Kripke decided otherwise.

Another thought for the self-fulfilling prophecy: other than the original night where Mary died and John was sent on his quest for vengence, Azazel doesn't really directly influence Sam's life. Sure, we know he had his minions spying on him but other than that he's largely left alone until he's 22/23. However, I do have a personal headcanon that Azazel fed information to John through his lower level minions about the nursery children being influenced by a demon or "evil". Thereby causing John to mistrust Sam and be suspicious of him as he grows. Personally, i really don't see the majority of the psychic children as being evil, or at least no more than a normal human would be. You have some that succumb to the temptation and some that don't. However, if John had evidence that Sam was going to become supernatural in some way, i believe that would definitely influence his behavior towards him in some way. We already know John had a black and white view of the supernatural. We also have it stated multiple times that Deam emulated John and followed his lead. And if John acted distrustful of Sam, even if it was subconsciously, i don't see Dean protesting. Especially if the actions are done in the mission to protect Sam. So consequently Sam becomes alienated over time from his family and begins looking for a way out, which leads him to leaving his family and within the reach of the demons at Stanford where they can test him and monitor him more closely as he grows. Ultimately, Azazel benefits without having to lift a finger.

Yeah I have a lot of feelings about early spn. Probably why I like writing and reading AUs in the early seasons.

I hate how out of all the parental figures for sam and dean, it's clear they have s favorite or one they trust more. It's never Sam. Like not John, Mary, Bobby seem to see Sam that way, they always have a preference for Dean.

It maybe because sam is often written like a side character despite being the main reason the show works. You take sam out you get nothing worthwhile. I bothers me how some episodes and characters are written that way. Sam never seems to be anyones favorite

[writingtoforgetreality]

Sleep Paralysis (Helmut Zemo x Reader)

[Marvel-Masterlist]

Summary: You hated sharing a room with another person. Especially when it came to sleeping. Which usually resulted into you staying awake for the night if you were teamed up with someone. Sometimes you could not escape exhaustion, though.

Words: 2,381

Warnings: language, angst, fluff, insomnia, experiencing sleep paralysis, anxiety, TFATWS spoilers (I don’t think there are any but just to be sure I guess), Zemo awakens the poet in me idk, REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

The people you found yourself teamed up with gave you safety. Sam, Bucky & even Zemo. With the three of them on your side, you had nothing to fear. Missions with these guys were easy. If the two grown ass men children were not occupied with killing the other grown ass man child. Names were not needed here, that was explanation enough. You were surprised yourself when you started enjoying Zemo’s company. He was a criminal. He was supposed to be the bad guy. So why could you not view him as such? Was it the way he moved his body? Was it his hair which fell in place just perfectly imperfect? Was it his coat that accentuated the weight of the world he carried on his shoulders alone? Was it his smile that was just the tiniest bit bigger whenever he glanced at you? Was it that stupid head tilt thing that was everything but stupid to you? What the hell was it? And why the hell was resisting your urges so damn hard?

Maybe it was your mind playing tricks on you but you could have sworn that his eyes fell on you, no matter how big the crowd. You could have sworn that his body searched out your presence wherever you went. There was this unspoken thing between you guys. As much as you wanted to address the tension building up, you were apprehensive what your best friends would say about it. You were doubtful how he would receive the news. Your ever growing friendship was at risk. The mere thought of having to live your life without him was inconceivable. How did it work before he came along? It was like your brain erased those memories altogether. Truthfully, he changed your life around without having an idea of the effect he had on you. Or he did know but enjoyed messing with your feelings. Though he did not strike you as that type of man.

Countless nights were spent with you having deep, meaningful conversations. Thanks to those times, you perceived his side of the story. His motives & what drove him to the actions that brought him behind bars in the end. By no means were you trying to justify his crimes. There would have been multiple different ways. Back then, the only purpose for him was revenge. Apologies that came too late were given. Zemo truly was sorry. And while words & emotions could be faked easily, it was impossible to hide the deeper meaning that his eyes held. The softness, the wariness, he could not simulate this. Those beautiful brown orbs were withholding years worth of tears. It was not your position to force him to display his weakness in front of you. Sometimes, simply knowing that another person was available if needed, that was enough.

The same feeling of secureness was provided by him. Your past was not necessarily pleasant either. Innumerable regrets labeled your existence. You were not a good example of a hero. Every day, you contemplated the what-if’s. Overthinking was part of your diurnal routine. All the pondering was needless. The switch only shifted after the beginnings of Zemo’s nocturnal reassurances. Without him, you would still be stuck in that gloomy pit your body had constructed on its own. You two were reliant on each other. Not physically but mentally. Unpretentiously, small touches followed. Brushing his thumbs over your smooth skin on the back of your hand. Squeezing your shoulders gingerly. Goosebumps erupted each time his body warmth was transferred to yours. Whether he wore his leather gloves or not, your body responded with endless fireworks that launched from deep inside.

The hotel you entered radiated wealth. Zemo negotiated the reservations. Which was obvious by the mere impression of the lofty ceilings that were embellished with immense sparkling chandeliers. Your eyes overstrained from the extravagance, switching from one highlight to the next. As a regular citizen, your income denied you such a lifestyle. Avengers did not earn a fortune, this trait came with the job description. Meaning that you would savor every little ticking of your stay. The marvelous high of contentment ceased when the receptionist informed you of an immutable adjustment concerning your room situation. The only two vacant premises were a king size in one & two singles in the other. Apparently, the decision was resolved without you having a say in it. Your questions were answered with a definite proclamation. You were the only soul unable to kill the Baron. Your attempts to conceal your embarrassment were unsuccessful. The smirk adorning Zemo’s features was unhelpful in your current position. Sam & Bucky abandoned you in the entrance, heading off to their room to rest after a tiring mission.

Zemo demanded your luggage to be brought up to your chambers. One of his hands rested on your lower back. This motion warmed your body. It was so simple yet filled with extensive care. It should have been wrong but you have never felt more protected in your entire life. One thing worried you. Sharing a room with the man who brought out your true happiness. It was no secret that you suffered from insomnia. Usually, it vanished after indefinite missions. The interminable flight in Zemo’s private jet added up to your exhaustion. Under no circumstances would you sleep in a room with the Baron. The trust existed, that was not the issue. What happened during your slumber could not be controlled. The tossing, turning, screaming. Nightmares invaded your dreams every time you closed your eyes. Therefore, you obviated sleep as long as possible. Multiple cups of coffee, the heavy does of caffeine every day, aided your wish to stay up. If you narrated a good enough excuse, he would not inquire. At least, that was what you hoped.

Stepping through the tall door into the spacious room, you stopped dead in your tracks. You needed a second to take everything in. Never before had you occupied such a luxurious chamber. It resembled a suite. Different shades of warm colors complemented each other. The vast windows enabled your view of the city beneath. Colorful lights brought the dead of the dim night to life. Facing the stars aligning the somber night sky, Zemo arranged himself next to you. Minutes of silence enveloped you, filling the room to the brink. The man next to you fractured the quietness with whispers. He pointed out various constellations. Observantly, you absorbed his words. He was cultured but never bragged about it. His sentiment of deliberate timing was unique. One of his characteristics was fathoming when to quit talking. Or when it was suitable to speak. Zemo constantly knew how to ease the tension with his thoughtful comments.

“You take the bed. I am content with resting on the couch.” he proposed. As much as you appreciated his deliberation, you pronounced the contrary.

“No, Helmut. I won’t sleep anyway, you can have the bed.” your gentle smile underlined the tiredness emanating from your eyes. He tilted his head to one side, observing your body language.

“You have not rested after our mission yet. Not even during the flight where Sam, James & I slept.” he annotated, worry audible in his voice. Your shoulders lifted in a short shrug. Alleging that you were fine. Spending hours with you concluded to him comprehending your lies. Your features were different whenever you attempted feigning him. Approaching your figure in the barely illuminated room, he halted a few steps away from you. Movements of his hands caught your attention. The gloves were peeled off. Lifting one of his arms, you shivered when his skin touched your cheek affectionately. His fingers caressed your face so lovingly, your eyes closed instinctively. “You are exhausted, darling.” his words were soft, soothing your ears by the fragility of them. The space between you two was narrow. You breathed the same air. His body heat passed onto you. Your heart sped up, almost as if it could break out any second. Nobody had ever made you feel that way. Nodding obediently, Zemo dragged you closer to the soft mattress covered with silk sheets. It was a desired invitation. It did not last long before you gave in. The smooth material welcomed you. Realizing Zemo’s retreating steps, your hand reached for his wrist, freezing his tries. He glanced over his shoulder bewildered.

“Stay.” it was music to his ears, hearing your quiet proposition. Holding himself back, he shook his head briefly. A signal that he did not want to disturb you. “Please.” his face softened at your plea. How could he resist your sweet voice? How could he resist you when it was obvious that you wished for him to stay with you?

“Okay.” pulling back the blankets, he lied right behind you. Your back was facing him. The shock was only brief when your hand searched for his arm. Draping it over your waist, you sighed contently when he embraced you tighter. It was not just what you needed. This, it was required by him as well.

Peaceful hours of cuddling went by without disruption. The calm was interrupted by your eyes snapping open in fear. Your back was against the mattress. Staring at the tall ceiling, your breath quickened when you could not move. Could not talk. Could not scream. There was not a single thing that could be done but you awaited the bad that would arrive soon. It was not the first time you experienced such a situation. The pressure in your chest grew steadily, obstructing your breathing. Your muscles ached, your head pounded. Someone would murder you. If you did not rise soon, death would come knocking on your door. Your attempts to push away the sheets & your labored breath stirred the man next to you awake. His confusion ended when he noticed your struggles. Propping his head onto one of his arms, he scooted closer to your body. Zemo knew what you were going through at the moment. While he had never suffered from such a period himself, he had read about it. Your eyes widened when his locked onto yours. The fear was visible even without a light illuminating the room. His free hand moved to your cheek. In the process, he whispered sweet nothings to you in hopes that they would reach you. Irregular breaths were still very much present. Though you had him with you, your anxiety was acting up still. Your mind was determined that you would die in a few minutes.

“Hey, hey, hey. Darling, look at me.” your eyes slowly shifted from the ceiling to his dark, almost black ones. They were a beautiful shade of brown but it was too sinister to detect the different hues. “There you go.” his voice was steady, controlled. “What you are experiencing is called sleep paralysis. It means that you are awake but your body is asleep still. It will be over soon, I promise. This might feel life threatening to you but I’m here, okay? I am here with you & I will not let anything happen to you.” his eyebrows raised expectantly. The most you could give him was a useless attempt of a nod. His fingers stroked over your skin, bringing you comfort. You were not on your own. Zemo held you close to his body. Still unable to move, the one thing you could feel was his body heat. Minutes without change went by. Affirmations were whispered into the quiet of the ample room. Your leg shuffled the blankets. A small smile crept onto your face. Finally, you had control again. Your muscles were no longer frozen in place. Overwhelmed by the sudden liberty, you embraced Zemo into a tight hug. Reciprocating immediately, he held your head in place in the crook of his neck. His other arm raked around your waist, keeping you as close as possible. He assured you that you were alright. That nobody & nothing could hurt you. Not when he was around. The silent tears rolling down your cheeks were inevitable. They stained his shirt but he could not care less. All that mattered was you overcoming the feeling of uncontrollability. Maybe it was his explanation. Or his proximity. Or his sweet words calming you down. In the end, the cause was insignificant. Zemo helped you through this & there were no words to express your gratitude to him.

Pulling away slightly, he rested his forehead against yours. You mimicked his deep breaths, disposing of the last bits of worry. When you were in his presence, it was gratuitous to be fearful. Demons had no chance. Not when it came to Zemo. The next reaction came naturally. This time, you did not fight the urge to press your lips onto his. You took his breath away by the unexpected action. There were no complaints from his side. Both hands rested on your face, bringing you closer if it was even feasible. In your imagination, you recalled kissing Zemo to be heated. This right now was the exact opposite. No words could depict what emotions were rushing through your entire body. Descriptions were useless if you could demonstrate it with a simple kiss. After it ended, silence sheathed you two once again. It was everything but unpleasant. He kept holding onto you. Zemo would never judge you because of nightmares or similar occurrences. Your head rested on his chest, above his heart. The beat calming your nerves even further. Explaining that you had always suffered from the monsters of the night, he did not interrupt. You needed to confide & he was more than happy to be available. Another soft kiss was pressed on top of your head. A content sigh left your lips. Zemo assured you that he would stay, no matter what. He was in this for good. Whatever this was. Time would clarify the relationship between you two. All you knew was that it felt right. Having him close to you. Having him as your protector. Having him to brighten up your days. Simply having him. That was adequate. That was your unspoken wish. You expected a lot but you did not expect the fulfillment of a previous unknown dream. You were home.

Published (04/21/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @eristudytime, @hiraethmaximoff, @incansas, @fionanovasleftnut, @mundaytuesday, @ashamed23, @pedropascallovebot, @kpoptrash2000, @lulu-yuming, @bibliophilewednesday, @arctic--ash, @mischiefmanaged71, @yallgotkik, @noavengers, @lieutenantn, @birdieofloxley, @aisling1985, @tatooineisdry, @obsidian-queen, @h0ly-fire, @dxnxdjarxn (thanks for your support <3)

[marybeatriceofmodena]

You know, I’ve been thinking today about how Alina doesn’t even really work as a Reluctant Hero, compared her to Frodo to see the key differences (since Frodo is pretty much the Poster Child for the Reluctant Hero), and then I realized... 

You know, I think L/eigh B/ardugo wrote TGT as a very black-and-white fairytale, where Alina is the princess, Mal’s the knight in the shining armor, and the Darkling is basically the dragon, except it doesn’t really work because the worldbuilding requires an approach that’s... a lot more grey? 

The thing is, though, I realized... Alina and Mal are basically meant to be Frodo and Sam. Except that, again... it doesn’t really work. 

Frodo works as a Reluctant Hero, because he makes it clear multiple times that he doesn’t want to carry the Ring. He asks Gandalf to do it for him, he asks Galadriel, he asks Aragorn, and they all refuse, because they are (or are called to be) in a position of power, and while them being in a position of power is presented as good, the One Ring essentially represents the fast, easy way to get to it, which will ultimately corrupt them rather than have them fight their way towards their goal. 

Frodo, meanwhile, is the right person to carry the Ring, because he comes from a humble place and he doesn’t really have any aspirations to become powerful. And while he’s clearly burdened by having to carry the One Ring, and that he makes it clear that he wishes the Ring had never come to him, he still goes on anyway, despite all the hardships he faces, because his ultimate goal is to save the Shire and his friends, and that desire is stronger than any fear or greed he may have. 

Now, J.R.R. Tolkien himself said that he didn’t really see Frodo as THE Hero, and that Sam is the real Hero of the story to him. Which makes sense, given how Sam was based off young men from rural England he met while fighting in World War I. But also, the story makes it very clear that without Sam, who’s arguably the most pure-hearted person in all of Middle-Earth, Frodo would have definitely failed in his task. The reason why he resists the temptation to carry the One Ring is LITERALLY because him protecting and helping Frodo is more important to him. Sam doesn’t give two shits about power. Helping Frodo save the Shire and coming back to everything he’s ever loved is more important to him. 

Both Alina and Frodo are pure-hearted orphans who are given tremendous power: Alina is the Sun Summoner, and Frodo carries the One Ring. In both cases, power is represented as a corruptive force, that makes people go mad with greed. It works in the context of The Lord of the Rings, given how the rings were given to leaders of Elves, Dwarves and Men, and that Sauron created the One Ring to rule over and control all of them. The Grisha, on the other hand, unlike the Ring-bearers, are not in a position of power, given they are essentially victims of Fantastic Racism in pretty much every country. While Ravka treats them slightly better than in Fjerda or Shu Han, it’s still not ideal and it’s something that could be taken away from them at any moment. It would be an entirely different matter if the Grisha were the ones rulling over Ravka and viewing otkazat’sya as lesser, and in that context, Alina being the Sun Summoner would be a very obvious road to her becoming corrupted. 

Frodo refusing to carry the One Ring and asking other people to take that burden from him comes from a place of genuine fear of what the Ring might do to him. In his place, we’d probably all do the same thing. That’s what makes his acceptance of his task all the more admirable. Alina, on the other hand, refuses to be the Sun Summoner and to help her fellow Grisha because that stands in the way of her ending up with Mal. She never gives any sign that she’s truly empathizing with the Grisha’s plight, she tries to run away not once, but twice, and most importantly, she never sees herself as one of them. They are othered, but it matters little to her, because she doesn’t want to be othered herself, because that stands in the way of her running off with a boy. It’s basically the equivalent of Frodo being overcome by fear after seeing the fate of the Shire in Galadriel’s mirror, and just demanding to be sent to the Grey Havens straight away to save his own ass from it all and just leaving the One Ring to whoever wants to deal with it. At that point, it’s not being a Reluctant Hero: it’s being a coward at best, a selfish bastard at worst. 

(And that’s why I don’t really buy her when she tells Aleksander that they could have had it all if he had told her all the truth from the start, because... again, she didn’t seem to care about the Grisha that much and Aleks telling her everything would have actually been a sure way of having her run as fast as possible the other way. I know the story is trying to tell me otherwise and that the plot point I’m supposed to see here is that Alina was willing to do something until she felt betrayed by Aleks, which is... not what was shown here, and it’s especially annoying considering how Alina is a deserter in every sense of the word, and that any army would have court-martialed her for running away.) 

So if Alina is meant to be a pure, selfless heroine, who loses her powers because she also refuses to be greedy... that just falls completely flat, because if anything, she’s as selfish as Frodo is selfless, because all of this really just boils down to her wanting to run off with Mal. 

Now, onto Sam and Mal. Both of them are basically Everymen who are there to help the Hero and keep their feet on the ground. As mentioned earlier, Sam is the one who helps Frodo finish his mission to Mordor, and the story makes it clear Frodo would have failed without him. TGT meanwhile presents Mal as Alina’s “True North”... which could work on paper as Alina’s reminder to temper Aleksander’s efforts and to remind him that in order for Grisha to be viewed as people, it is important for them to also remember that balance and peace between Grisha and otkazat’sya will be essential, so resentment and hatred can be healed between both groups. 

The key difference here is that Sam is completely supportive of Frodo at all times. Even when Frodo sends him away in the film, Sam goes back after him the minute he realizes he’s been tricked by Gollum. He never shames Frodo whenever he falls prey to temptation, he simply reminds him of who he is and what he must fight for, and even when he’s climbing Mount Doom, he still carries Frodo on his back despite being probably completely exhausted, because Frodo’s more exhausted than he is. He completely accepts Frodo as both his friend, the Hobbit from the Shire, and the Ring-bearer he needs to help, even if he might die in the process. 

Mal (in the books, that is) makes it very clear that he does not accept Alina as both the girl he knew and the Sun Summoner. He only wants the girl, and whenever Alina makes steps towards being the Sun Summoner, he basically sulks and yells at her for not paying attention to him. Despite Alina becoming othered in the eyes of the world, he refuses to see her as othered, mostly because it is inconvenient to him rather than because he loves her for who she is. That’s why in the end, people feel like Alina lost her powers in order to be with Mal, because Mal would never accept her in her entirety. Sam, on the other hand, accepts Frodo as both Ring-bearer and Hobbit, because if he didn’t, Frodo would have failed. 

And while they made Mal in the show a lot nicer than his book counterpart, he still doesn’t work as Alina’s “True North”, because he cossets her in her selfishness. He may say he doesn’t care about how Alina is a Grisha in this one, but he also doesn’t consider the implications of it all - which is especially glaring given he’s a soldier himself. Like, look, if you’re going to slap in a racism plotline to make Mal/ina work, you’d think that being half-Shu would give Mal a little awareness that people are going to treat Alina badly for being half-Shu AND a Grisha, and given Alina is the MOTHERFUCKING SUN SUMMONER AND A SAINT, maybe, just maybe he’d tell her: “Heh, it’s kinda lame we’ll just run off and let everyone else in the dust, you know, especially since we could make our lives as well as everyone else’s better?” Seriously, if you’re going to make Mal Alina’s “True North”, have him face her duties and her calling whether she likes it or not, don’t coddle her when she wants to run the other way because she wants to hide under a rock for the rest of her life. 

With all that being said, that leaves us with the Darkling, who... I mean, given his whole schtick is that power corrupts and makes you evil and crazy, I guess that makes him Gollum, but sexy. 

Gollum, but sexy. 

That single expression has been haunting me ever since I started writing the above novel and I fucking hate it. You’re welcome. No one wanted Sexy Gollum. Absolutely no one. Fuck this shyte. See, this is why I want Darkling Redemption. I do not want to live in a world where Gollum is sexy. I need brain bleach. 

Even here it doesn’t even fucking work because Gollum hid in a cave with the Ring with a strategically placed cloth because no one wants to see his crusty ass family jewels anyway, while Aleks worked his ass off to give the Grisha a safe place to live and to at the very least ensure they’re useful enough to not be killed like animals. Like, if you’re going to give the world something that’s gonna definitely not make me sleep tonight like Sexy Gollum, at least do it right. 

[cto10121]

You’ve obviously never read the books, OP. Either that or this here is definitely an example of some truly deep racism at work. Let me count the ways.

1. The interpretation of the Quileutes as savages because of their werewolf phasing. It is clearly stated in the book that the werewolves’ volatility in phasing come from their inexperience and youth. Sam had trouble controlling his phasing because he was the first werewolf and had absolutely zero guidance but then became the best out of them all through time and experience. Jacob is praised for having almost natural self-control. Most of the tribe first phased at 15-16, so this ~volatility is little more than fantasy adolescence at this point.

Also, compare this to the vampiric newborns, who are explicitly shown to be equally volatile, even more violent, (they turn on each other on a dime) and utterly consumed in their bloodlust. The Cullens have great control because of their long experience. The vampires are the ones who must kill and drink blood to survive, not the Quileutes.

Also, also, the Quileutes’ ability to phase does not come from white people coming onto their land!!! They have had this ability since their people began. First they began as spirit warriors and then Taka Ati (I think) learned how to occupy the body of a wolf after his body had been killed by his traitorous brother. After that they met the Cold Ones, i.e. vampires and did battle with them. In the ‘70s the Cullens came when Ephraim Black could still phase, but then the ability seemed to have died out. Only when the Cullens return in the 2000s did the gene get triggered again. This interpretation is racist, full stop.

2. Jacob is never abusive to Bella. He violates her consent once by kissing her. He also manipulates her into kissing him. But bad behavior only does not make an abusive relationship. Usually abuse is about power and control, and Jacob for obvious reasons is never in a position to control or have power over Bella. They never even engage in a true romantic relationship; in terms of power dynamics the power, actually, is all on Bella. Jacob is overall respectful of Bella or at least very laissez-faire, especially pre-werewolf. He explicitly says that he did all of it as a last-ditch effort to save Bella from (in his view) a monstrous fate.

3. Jacob isn’t a groomer either. Breaking Dawn insists that Jacob’s feelings towards Renesmee are platonic. Imprinting is, at essence, an aromantic and mysterious phenomenon that no one in the books really knows what it is meant for. Regardless of what you and the fandom feel about the magical imprinting, if you read the books it is clear that Meyer has portrayed it as another magical aspect to her romantic universe. It does not portray Jacob or his tribe as criminal or unnatural.

And actually, Meyer’s vampires actually do have imprinting or something close to it when it comes to finding their mates, though it is not called that. But all of the Cullens find their mates at first sight when they’re vampires and the change is described as “permanent.” I think Midnight Sun does show Edward falls in love with Bella very quickly if not immediately as well—he just doesn’t know about it until later because of his arrogance and pride.

4. You can’t copyright real-life culture and societies, you idiot. Copyright aims to protect an author’s fictional ideas and words. Real-life peoples and phenomena cannot be copyrighted because no one owns these. You can own only your own artistic works and physical products (patent). So even if she could Meyer cannot give part of her royalties for her novel to the tribe. It isn’t legal and it would be utterly impossible to make legal. Which brings me to my next point:

5. Cultural appropriation is about stealing minorities’ actual artistic work and not giving credit to the original artist. In the past artists have stolen wholesale actual artistic work by minority artists and passed it off as theirs, hence the term. It’s about literal theft and artistic malpractice.

I want you to understand the stupidity of this argument, OP. If authors must share or donate their royalties if they use any culture or mythology that isn’t their culture in their writing, then literally every author alive and that has ever lived will have to pay royalties to these cultures. Rowling would have to pay royalties to Wales for using their mythology and names. Homegirl is English, not Celtic, so this would “count” as cultural appropriation. Shakespeare would also have to pay royalties to Italians for using their cities and names for his plays. And so on and so forth unto absurdity.

If you can prove that Meyer stole a Native American’s writing, work, or ideas for her fantasy series, by all means do so. But as far as we know Meyer literally came up with the names and characters herself; apart from the geography, she had nothing else from real-life La Push.

In the future, I would recommend you actually read the books and not just parrot debunked hater whinging on the Internet and nonsensical faux progressive discourse. Otherwise, you’ll come across as the like yourself.

Stupid piece of shit, Twilight literally caused so many myths & misconceptions about Native & Quileute people that the Quileute tribe had to put up an entire site dispelling the shit Stephanie Meyer caused. I literally cannot begin to explain how insanely racist Twilight is as a series with the number of bullshit that happens to not just the Native characters, but other characters of color (but Stephanie Meyer targeted Native Americans specifically). Twilight is an incredibly mediocre and poorly written series created by a fucking Mormon, go read Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, or Dracula.

You mean that same Quileute people that has come out with their support for the series, talking about how the series garnered tourism, attention, and economic wealth to their reservation? The same Quileute tribe who credited Twilight for their success in moving their reservation to higher ground and even getting that northern boundary approved after 50 years of no progress?

You literally cannot explain how racist Twilight is a series for a reason, anon. Because if all of it boils down to Meyer changing their legends for a whole-ass fantasy AU, then that’s not good enough, anon. Hell, it provided a great opportunity for the Quileutes to educate tourists on their real-life legends, so it’s a win-win for them.

And of course they aren’t offended by the series’ portrayal of them either. The Quileutes have it good in these books overall: They have wolf superpowers but with none of the downsides of actual bloodlust, need to kill, or sociopathy. In fact, they are framed as protectors in the narrative and their power is deeply rooted in their communal blood ties and their positive relationship with nature. In the books the Quileute legends have them be spirit warriors who had a wolf consent to share his body with one of them. And of course all the bad guys, save a typical internecine power grab, are the pale, evil, sociopathic bloodsuckers.

And that’s not counting the fact that a Native male character—drawn complementary with the male hero—is the secondary love interest of the romantic heroine, and so strong a contender he even has passionate fans arguing for his ship to this very day. And that’s not counting the fact that the author personally loves that character, to the point where she could not bear to end the series with him not getting a love interest/happy ending.

Also, I’m literally an English major a hairsbreadth shy of becoming an actual English teacher at some point. And if you think the likes of Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, and freakin’ Dracula don’t have very similar themes or even their own issues even on the writing level, then I’m not the one who must read them, anon. I think a re-reading is in order.

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (December 17/2020)

Today was a more relaxed day after the chaos of the 16th. We did get a few interesting developments, though, especially concerning Pandora’s Vault. And while Tommy’s out of Dream’s sight for now, the trouble is far from over as a manhunt for him begins.

---

- Tubbo and Sam continue working together in the ocean hole

- The Egg’s shell is almost completely crying obsidian

- Puffy reads chat and wonders if Tommy died. Chat tells her Tommy jumped out of the Cadillac. She goes to Logstedshire to visit and sees all the destruction, assuming the worst. 

- Techno has a six-point, two-week to-do list. He plans to save Philza and destroy L’manburg. Tommy logs on. Techno fills him in, and Tommy says they should say hi to Dream. Techno points out that Dream isn’t logged on.

- Techno gives Tommy his own Antarctic Empire shield. They head through the Nether back to the Dream SMP. Tommy starts getting nervous and says he misses his friend Dream.

- They walk through the Dream SMP. Tommy steals the Church Prime Bell.

- They reach New L’manburg, invisible. Puffy is there, but very confused.

- They walk around but see Puffy wandering around. Puffy sees them on top of the Power Tower but doesn’t know who they are. As Puffy ends stream with her inventory window blocking view of Tommy and Techno, Tommy goes up on top of the house, questioning whether he should attack. They decide not to.

- Tommy lets a ton of bees out by accident. They build a bunker underneath Tubbo’s Bee Dome. Techno suggests they leave. Tommy thinks they should stay, but he doesn’t want to be left alone. They reminisce about Tommy’s planning rooms. Tommy thinks the plan is to get his discs back and nothing else...definitely nothing else after that.

- Techno leads Tommy to the Final Control Room. Tommy panics and runs away through the sewers, though Techno doesn’t understand why Tommy is freaking out. Tommy says he needs Dream there, but Dream still isn’t online.

- Techno tells Tommy that in order to get the discs, they might have to do some threatening...

- Tommy wants to build yet another cobblestone tower

- Dream speaks to Punz about Technoblade and Tommy. He teleports Punz back to the Community House. 

- Dream talks about how Punz is the only person on the server who has always been on Dream’s side, for all of its history, and now everyone is turning against Dream. He knows the Butcher Army wants him next after Techno. Dream is nervous. 

- Dream tells Punz to act like he’s not on Dream’s side, so that L’manburg doesn’t go after him too.

- Dream leads Punz to Pandora’s Vault and tells him that if they need to, they can put any of their enemies in it. There are over twenty cells in the prison, and one main cell that can house as many people as they want - that’s the inescapable one.

- Pandora’s Vault will be done shortly after Christmas. Until then, Punz has to lie low as a spy.

- Dream states his motivations, as he’s done before:

Dream wants a unified server. He wants everyone to follow the same rules. He doesn’t want laws to be drawn across borders, he doesn’t want separate countries. He wants the whole server to live together as one big “family.”

- Dream tells Punz that he’s going to do something soon where nobody’s going to like him afterwards, and he’s going to have to leave to go somewhere far away to protect himself, leaving Punz in charge while he’s gone.

- Dream is aware that Tommy escaped exile. but doesn’t know where he went. He’s going to have to go find him, but he also has other things to do.

- Dream wants to stage a killing of Bumpkin, so that Punz can be enraged at him.

- Dream explains that after he blew up Logstedshire and left, an hour later he started to regret his decisions, thinking he’d made a mistake. He returned to Logsted and Tommy was gone. 

Punz will be on the lookout for Tommy from now on.

---

Upcoming Events:

- Potential Manberg Festival Sequel

- Staging of Bumpkin’s killing

Still unsure about the Elytra Challenge

[babyboibucky]

Babysitting Bucky - Part 5

Pairing: FATWS!Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2,368

Summary: You’ve been assigned by the government to keep an eye on the Winter Soldier to ensure that he was no longer a threat to the world.

A/N: It has begun lmfao, check out the link at the end of this post if you’d like to be tagged in the next updates! Would love to receive feedbacks! 

MASTERLIST

-

You found yourself in the conference room of the Avengers compound, together with Sam, Bucky, Sharon and Fury discussing about an upcoming mission.

Sharon went over the brief of the mission with everyone. There was an intel about a certain drug cartel that decided to expand their business and venture into the trade of biological weapons as well. Grabbing the folder on the desk, you skimmed through the information and frowned when your eyes landed on a familiar name.

“Black Sparrow? I thought the entire organization was taken down during the raid years ago?” You asked.

Bucky turned to you, “You know these guys?”

“One of my first missions, I was the assigned liaison officer to check up on the whistleblower who was placed under the witness protection program.” You explained.

Sharon sighed, “Apparently, not everyone was imprisoned. Whoever decided to keep the organization going, we have no idea.”

The mission required all of you to find out about the illegal trades. There wasn’t much information provided, except for the tip that an important trade might be taking place soon.

“Black Sparrow’s nest is said to be hidden within a fruit shop downtown.” Sharon added.

Fury let Sam takeover the strategizing, with him deciding to do a stakeout to see how the organization operates. Once the trade takes place, raid the nest, find out the other groups involved and most importantly the source of biological weapons.

“You up for a stakeout, Buck?” Sam asked.

Bucky shrugged and glanced at you, “Only if the babysitter agrees to do so.”

You let out an exasperated breath, “Mister Barnes, I would appreciate it if you’d address me properly.” You scolded.

Sam cleared his throat, “Alright. Sharon and I will try to research on the potential groups involved in the trades. Stakeout starts tonight so pack your things.”

-

All your things have been packed and you were about to leave your room when you received a call from none other than Secretary Ross.

“Ugh, what does he want now?” You complained to yourself before accepting the call.

“I heard about the stakeout, Agent. Isn’t it convenient?”

You rolled your eyes; the secretary’s voice was too chirpy, as if he was excited. He was definitely up to something, what it was, you still didn’t know. Something about the mission you were tasked to do was off. They didn’t even tell you for how long you needed to tag along the Winter Soldier.

“Yes, sir. I will make sure to keep an eye on the subject and report whatever it is that I find out of place.” You reassured, hoping that the secretary would simply hum in agreement and end the call.

“Good. But wouldn’t it be better if you stir things up a bit?” He asked.

You frowned, “I don’t understand what you mean, sir.”

Secretary Ross chuckled, “Push his buttons, Agent. See how he reacts to certain triggers.”

God, he really wants you to dig some dirt on Bucky. You were supposed to tell him that you already tried doing so and that nothing bad happened, but the Secretary reminded you that he wanted to see a detailed report about it and ended the call.

You didn’t want to push Bucky’s buttons anymore. Bringing up the Soldat seemed too much already and he had already proven how much in control he was of himself. However, you felt conflicted as well since you needed to file a report. You could easily fake it though, but you were afraid that the secretary might have eyes and ears lurking around.

You were too deep into your thoughts, almost losing track of the time. Thankfully, FRIDAY interrupted and informed you that Bucky and Sam were already outside the compound, waiting for you.

-

“You’re eight minutes late, Agent.” Sam reprimanded as you approached them.

“Did you have a hard time packing Bucky’s diapers and feeding bottles?” He teased.

Bucky grunted in dismay, “Jesus, Sam.”

“Sorry, had to take a phone call from the secretary.” You responded and began placing your things inside the trunk of the car.

Bucky stiffened at the mention of Secretary Ross, his hands tightened into fists at his side. You eyed his stance and noticed that he seemed uncomfortable. Who wouldn’t be if the government had their eyes on you?

“Nothing to worry about, Mister Barnes. You’re all good. I made sure of that.” You told him reassuringly before sliding into the passenger’s seat.

Bucky drove to the stakeout location with an uncomfortable silence in the air with the occassional directions coming from the GPS. You were slightly nervous about being on a week-long stakeout. It wasn’t because you were afraid of Bucky, but being with him by yourself was intimidating.

Seven days with the Winter Soldier. With no one else around.

You and the Winter Soldier. On a stakeout. For an entire week.

The more you thought about it, the more it was beginning to sink in. You’ve had your fair share of stakeouts in the past, but you were either by yourself or paired someone you closely worked with. But a stakeout with Bucky Barnes? How the fuck were you going to keep calm the entire week and maintain your calm persona?

“So...” Bucky trailed, tone unsure as if he too was uncomfortable with the silence and decided to break it but not knowing how to proceed.

“Do you want to turn on the radio?” He asked and cleared his throat, keeping his gaze on the road.

You looked out the window, “Yeah, why not.” You said with faux nonchalance.

Bucky quickly turned it on and adjusted the volume. He skimmed through various radio stations before settling on one.

Despite having the radio playing in the background, the atmosphere between you and Bucky remained awkward and uncomfortable. You could tell that Bucky could feel it too, so you decided to start a conversation.

“How has it been being an Avenger?”

You didn’t know why you chose that question, but it was the first thing that popped into your mind.

Bucky let out a soft chuckle, “Is that part of your research on me or are you actually trying to start a conversation?” He asked, glancing at you with amusement.

“You know what, forget about it, Mister Barnes.” You waved off.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I was genuinely curious.” He sheepishly responded, “But to answer your question, it’s been...weird so to speak. Especially having someone watch my every move.”

You shrugged, “Well, I apologize but I don’t have a choice. This is my job and I have to—“

“I know, Agent. You don’t need to explain, I completely understand. I’m really trying not to make it hard for you to do your job.” He explained.

You were actually surprised at how easy it was to talk to Bucky. You were expecting him to be completely broody and tight-lipped, considering all the things he went through. There were times when he’d be moody of course, but for the most part, he was friendly. And very kind.

“Well then I appreciate it, Mister Barnes.” You stated.

Bucky let out a breathy laugh, “I’m still looking forward to the day when you’d call me, Bucky.” He said and gave you a smile.

You felt your face heat up from the way he smiled at you and how his eyes crinkled at the sides. He almost looked the same as he did in his photos dated back to the 40’s, when he was oozing with that boyish charm and innocence before he was drafted for the war.

You immediately looked away and bit your lip.

-

The two of you arrived at the cheap motel that was situated a few blocks away from the fruit shop. The building was old and almost looked dilapidated. It was known to be the number one spot for illegal transactions. It was the perfect place for a stakeout.

“The old lady at the reception seemed suspicious of us, I saw how she eyed the both of us when we checked in.” You said upon entering the motel room, groaning at the stench that welcomed your nostrils.

Obviously, the room was far from decent given the quality of the motel itself. There were two beds separated by a night desk and a small coffee table; the cream curtains were splotchy and dusty, some parts of the wallpaper were torn apart and the flooring creaked with every single step.

“I think she was merely judging us, thinking we’re one of those couples.” Bucky said as he placed his bags on the bed.

“Those couples?” You asked, walking over to the other bed and inspecting the bedding.

“Well, I heard this motel is a popular location for shooting x-rated videos.” Bucky explained casually as he walked towards the window, pushing the curtains aside, revealing the perfect view of Black Sparrow’s nest.

You almost choke on your own spit, “You mean to say...that old lady thought we were going to shoot porn?!”

Bucky hummed, “Maybe. It’s probably for the best, that way we’ll remain unsuspicious. Less chances of being interrupted as well.” he replied casually, as if it was no big deal but you also noticed that the corner of his lips curved into a slight smirk.

Clearing your throat, you regained your composure and went to unpack your things instead, starting with some of the weapons you brought. A stakeout often resulted to a raid so you had to make sure that you were prepared in case of an attack. Bucky moved away from the window and closed the curtains again before sitting on his bed.

“Those all yours?” he asked with interest as he watched you arrange your knives and guns on top of your bed.

You glanced at him for a quick second and saw the glint in his eyes as he observed your arsenal, you just hummed in response and started cleaning your guns while Bucky watched in silence.

“When we sparred...” he trailed and you froze, expecting him to confront you when you brought up the Soldat to trigger him.

“You used Romanoff’s technique. Where did you learn that?” he asked.

You shrugged, “Mister Barnes, it’s not that hard to learn that move. I’m just as trained as you and Mister Wilson, I know a lot of moves.” you explained but Bucky didn’t seem to buy it.

“It’s actually kinda hard to execute that move. Not a lot of trained agents can do that easily.” he pressed.

You pursed your lips before looking up at him, “Sounds to me like you’re trying to compliment my skills, Mister Barnes.”

Bucky ended up letting go of the topic.

-

The first few hours of the stakeout was uneventful; you and Bucky simply kept watch to see whether there were suspicious movements in the fruit shop. It seemed to be a regular fruit shop but there were certain people walking in and out of it that looked pretty shady.

This was going to be a difficult task.

There were small conversations between you and Bucky, mostly formal and about the mission. Everything seemed to be going well but you knew that the longer the both of you would stakeout together, the more it was going to be uncomfortable. You figured that you’d cross that bridge when you get there.

It was past six when you felt a pang of hunger; the last time you had a meal was during lunch. You needed to get food before your stomach could even embarrass you in front of Bucky who remained staring out of the window, keeping watch.

“I’m getting us food for dinner, would you like anything?” you asked.

Bucky shook his head, “Anything is fine.” he offered a small smile.

You left the motel and thankfully, there was a nearby Mcdonald’s a couple blocks away. On your way back, you decided to casually pass by the fruit shop to get a closer look. You didn’t want to linger around but you did notice that there were certain people who kept on going in and out of the store throughout the day. You rushed back to your room to inform Bucky about it and upon stepping inside, you were welcomed by the sight of the Winter Soldier fresh out of the shower wearing only a towel that was wrapped around his waist while he was drying his hair with another towel.

Your eyes immediately zoomed in on the droplets of water that was running from Bucky’s neck down to his pecs, sliding lower to his chiseled abs. Your eyes remained on his abdomen, even when the water had disappeared into the towel around his waist. By the time you snapped out of your trance, you shifted your gaze back to Bucky’s face hoping that he didn’t catch you staring at his body.

Oh, but it was too late because your eyes were immediately met by a pair of baby blues.

“I...b-bought...” you stammered and wanted to slap yourself for sounding like an idiot. “...dinner from uh...Burger King.” you continued, unable to look away from Bucky’s piercing gaze.

“Mcdonald’s.” he said.

“What?”

“You bought from Mcdonald’s...not Burger King.” Bucky corrected you, pointing towards the brown paper bag in your hands.

You coughed and finally managed to look away from Bucky’s half-naked figure, “Yes, I meant Mcdonald’s. Sorry.” you softly said and pre-occupied yourself by taking out the food from the paper bag and placing them on the small table.

As you focused your attention on arranging the food on the desk, you felt Bucky hover behind you. His bare chest slightly pressing against your back as he reached for the french fries that was still inside the paper bag. You stood still and tried to keep your cool despite the closeness between you and Bucky. He pulled away just as quickly and grinned when you looked back at him with a frown.

“You smell good, Agent.” he said before grabbing his clothes from his bed and walking back into the bathroom to get dressed.

You blinked a couple of times before you realized what had just happened.

“Fuck!” you whispered under your breath.

This was going to be one hell of a stakeout.

-

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[memryse]

hello tumblr i present my canon-compliant "DSMP But... Everybody Discovered Large-Scale Organised Religion" mianite au which took a few hours to write up oops. basically here is a list of which god everybody would follow and why, based on canon events (i have therefore left out a couple of the members who don't really do lore or be on the server much because i definitely don't know about them enough to be accurate!)

dream: mianite. obsessed with control, you get it. went too far though and developed his own obsession with controlling the server so he is now godless and in jail

tommy: dianite. tommy is a favourite of dianite's - he's idealistic with a penchant for chaos, and like i said in my other post dianite probably sees himself in tommy a little. they're both misunderstood as Bad People

tubbo: ianite -> dianite, he converts post-doomsday. grew up as a follower of ianite and trying to follow her path put added pressure on him during his presidency. embraces being a dianitee with the start of the nuke program, but he keeps all his ianitee family heirlooms. ianite still holds a soft spot for him because of his family and occasionally gives him minor blessings. that being said she's of course a little disappointed he chose to change gods, but respects his decision

ranboo: no god, but enderwalk ranboo is an acolyte of ianite; awakeboo eventually converts to ianite when he reads awakeboo's note and decides to become more active in conflict resolution. he realises ianite actually aligns with his newfound ideals, and is of course more in touch with his ender side. however prior to this he wasn't really very keen on worshipping any gods, seeing as all he saw from them was wars waged in their names.

wilbur: also an atheist. probably prayed to dianite during pogtopia ("dream, i want to be your vassal" type beat) but other than that he's the type to criticise organised religion and be an independent leader, no need for gods. wilbur and ranboo narrative foils my beloveds!!!

techno: ianite. the thing about c!techno is he has one goal and he will stick to that no matter what - it's not total order, but it's not chaos either because there is motivation and reasoning behind it. also, a core tenet of ianitee ideology is not involving yourself in conflict until somebody personally wrongs you. much like butcher army era techno where he retreats to a peaceful (more godly, in this case) life until he's hunted down, at which point he Fucks Shit Up. in general techno holds grudges and takes even slight betrayals very seriously.

phil: ianite. i can see antarctic duo as former warriors of ianite! idk i don't have much to say phil is just.. a chill old warrior. probably jaded and tired of fighting wars for his goddess, but he still prays to her. specifically he prayed every night that wilbur could finally find balance in the afterlife. :)

niki: also ianite. definitely. niki values her own beliefs and morals, she's her own independent self. maybe she was a mianitee pre-nov 16th, but not since then. this makes the syndicate pretty much just a secret squad of ianitees (+ ranboo who everyone kind of just assumes is an ianitee given that, yknow, enderman). this is extra fun with the syndicate table being an end portal

sam: mianite 10000000%. he puts his commitment to duty above all else. not really much more to say he is just fully committed to keeping the server safe by carrying out mianite's will and imprisoning dream.

foolish: he's a god himself, so he doesn't follow any of the main three. however in the past he did work with mianite, enforcing his control over the land. from what we know about his totem of death period it wasn't like.. wanton destruction, it was him seeking control through violence, so i'm not inclined to say he worked with dianite back then.

george: man just wants to sleep and farm wheat, he's mianite. ez.

sapnap: also mianite. dream team as mianite's strongest and most revered knights!!!!!!

puffy: she's a pirate lady i don't know what to tell you other than she was part of capsize's crew. ianitee pirate ladies i care you. plus i feel like puffy centres mostly on people and not allying herself with specific nations or causes, she believes in balance above all.

eret: i view the greater dsmp as a mianitee nation, so as king of it they obviously have to follow mianite. eret has always strove to be a good king and help their nation prosper. plus, who knows what went on in the past with foolish. former mianite warriors eternal duo? i think so! (i think it would be cool if a literal reincarnation of herobrine was a mianitee purely because it fucks with everybody's expectations)

quackity: dianite. not just because he's chaos incarnate at times but like his entire current arc is so reminiscent of the fact that s2 dianite was literally a businessman. rip ghost dianite you would've loved c!quackity

fundy: oh boy here's a complex one. fundy switches gods frequently - look how much he craves acceptance from authority figures, from a substitute parental figure. i think right now his prophetic dreams could be interpreted as him being chosen by a certain god who sees potential in him, but i can't say who bc we don't really know too much about them or even why he's suddenly having them. that being said his chaotic scamming foxboy side definitely embodies dianite and he should have stuck with dianite the entire time but nah he needs Validation

jack manifold: follows dianite, but dianite isn't really pleased with him trying to kill tommy so often (seeing as he likes tommy). this is why he has such comically bad luck. his god is continually fucking with him.

karl: ianite, specifically chosen by her to become the historian of the server. the purple theme.. the duty to write down history as it truly happened (as opposed to censoring history like a certain mianite did). the existence of both the in between and the other side. karl Is balance. thank you. (also this makes karlnapity's marriage one mianitee, one ianitee and one dianitee. diversity win!)

schlatt: mianite (derogatory)

the eggpire is pretty much just the darkness isn't it. mianite was the blueprint actually.

bbh: dianite at first, judging by the badlands' ideology. corrupted by the darkness though.

antfrost: also dianite, but probably really lowkey about it and only ever prayed when the badlands needed his blessings. again, corrupted now

hannah: mianite - her connection to nature is by extension also a connection to mianite, the god of the overworld. plus she cared about maintaining harmony on the server and went to lengths to ensure it like the whole "killing her own dogs to protect them" thing. currently on her corrupted girlboss arc though

punz: dianite, he likes money and killing people idk what more you expect from me. even after joining the eggpire this has not changed at all. he'll work for other gods' followers for the right price but he's not changing his core beliefs

ponk: i don't know very much about him i'm ngl, especially not pre-eggpire. prior to his corruption though i do kinda like the idea of a mianitee doctor doing fucked up little experiments idk he just has mianitee vibes to me in the same way tucker was a mianitee.

skeppy: he and bbh are obviously both dianite together prior to the egg. it simply would not be right of me to put him anywhere else.

purpled: ianite. the colour purple... the tendency to stay so far out of conflict that he doesn't even log onto the server... mans was born to be an ianitee actually

[vidavalor]

Bucky flirting with Sam as part of the changing times theme in Ep 5...

This is on the long side. Contains brief mention of the show basically canonizing Bucky as a sexual assault survivor. It’s meta on Bucky and Sam’s identity themes and how the show is shifting into a theme of changing times with the latest episodes-- mostly about how Bucky’s journey is paralleling Sam’s, even while being a different kind of journey.

One of the more interesting subtle themes of Ep 5 is that while we have had a lot of emphasis in the earlier episodes on how much horror still exists in America-- and a very right, necessary emphasis-- as the show begins to pivot towards the part of Sam’s journey that involves him deciding to become Captain America, they are pivoting a bit to illustrate that as much as many things have, unfortunately, not changed the way they should have over time, a lot really has. (Also, the Sam-as-Captain-America thing isn’t meant to be a spoiler as I don’t really totally know if that’s the ending, it just seems um... really the only place this story is going...) They have been using Isaiah to illustrate this point for Sam quite a bit in Ep 5, especially. The core conflict comes from Isaiah believing that a self-respecting Black man wouldn’t want to fight for America after the horrors that have been done to Black people in its history, which is not something that Sam ultimately feels is true. He definitely feels the pain of Black history in America but he still believes *in* America and views it as his country and is accepting that everyone in it really has a role to play in making it live up to the ideals it espouses but has still yet to achieve. In deciding to appreciate Isaiah choosing to open up to him and share his story but respectfully disagree with him on what to do next-- and to have his ability to make this choice reinforced by Sarah supporting him by saying she knows he will choose to fight in the fights he believes in and she has his back-- Sam is choosing to become a symbol of something, even if he’s just a man, and he’s affirming to himself that it is okay for him to believe in this thing he believes in. It’s okay for him to believe in America and love America and what it stands for, even in all its extremely imperfect glory, because he can be the change he wants to see in the world. He knows there are many people who will support him in that and that it only happens if we make it happen and that America, in all its imperfection, has made a lot of positive change happen throughout its short history. 

You know who else is enjoying similar truths in the same episode? Bucky. 

Bucky arrives in Delacroix all “Hello, 21st Century! I’ve always wanted to flirt with a man in public! I will be over here, lifting heavy stuff and getting in the personal space of your next Captain America, Good People of Delacroix, Louisiana!” What’s so endearing about this is not even just that this is clearly the first time that Bucky has felt like he has some control over his own mind, after proving he can manage The Winter Soldier in him a bit in the last few episodes, but that he’s working towards this kind of peace in a time where he really no longer has to hide any part of himself. Long before The Winter Soldier, Bucky was so the guy with a girl on each arm and a guy in the dark of the back alley. He has never, in his entire century-plus of living, been able to really be who he is without fear. It’s not as if there is not any fear left for LGBTQIA people in the world because, sadly, of course there is but loving Sam would have gotten Bucky arrested twice over in the 1940s. Interracial marriage was illegal until the Loving Act of 1967-- and that was still just for heterosexual couples. Obviously, same-sex marriage wasn’t legalized in the U.S. until 2015. If Bucky had been caught with a man in his youth, let alone a Black man, they both would have been arrested. Even if they were let go (and Bucky would have been more likely to suffer less, on account of being white), their reputations and ability to work and serve in the military could have been impacted. 

The show toys with this with Bucky’s interest in exploring it, even through the haze of a lot of severe trauma, back in Episode 1. While he’s mainly eating at the sushi bar because he’s befriended Yori on account of his amends project, he is living in a very modern existence by regularly conversing with these two. Consider that the show chose to make both of them Japanese, basically to illustrate that Bucky, in a sense, was always progressive for his time period. Bucky *could* have been the kind of WW2 soldier who forever saw people of the countries the Allies fought against as an enemy-- your grandfathers and great-grandfathers who never stopped hating the Japanese. But he’s not. He actually comes off as someone whose inability to fit the mode of the heterosexual white American guy in his own time period lent him a lot of empathy towards others and I might be wrong about this because I can’t quite recall at the moment but wasn’t he drafted, as opposed to enlisted? It’s doubtful he even really wanted to fight, although he’s always up for a fight against a bully and clearly hated the Nazis (but wanting to fight fascism makes you far from intolerant.) My point is that Bucky, back in Ep 1, is already experimenting with how living in the 21st century could be a positive thing for him in a life he might want to make for himself, if he can get through his trauma enough to do so.

He eats lunch on the regular with a man who is, in all likelihood, descended somewhere from at least one person who fought on the enemy side to Bucky in WW2. He regularly chats with Leah, who is completely unlike anyone he would have been able to talk to in the 1940s and seems almost designed to be *exactly* that intentionally-- she is a woman with a job that wasn’t like a nurse or a teacher or Peggy Carter lol. She tends bar, a job that was virtually exclusively male in the ‘40s. She has open visible tattoos and is probably putting herself through college-- something that women were just being able to attend, usually in female-only settings. She makes her own money and lives as a single woman, likely without the express intention on getting married and having a family relatively soon. (There’s nothing wrong with any of that. It’s more just that it would have been the exception, rather than the norm, in Bucky’s youth.) Atop that, she is Asian and works in a Japanese restaurant-- the ultimate business that would have suffered during the ‘40s as America didn’t exactly do right by its Japanese-Americans during the war and if Bucky, a white soldier, had been seen with a Japanese girl, it would have been bad for him but worse for her. 

So the reason why Yori has noticed that Bucky always looks at Leah when they eat lunch is probably less about the attraction Yori assumed Bucky had for her and more that Leah is this personal fascination for Bucky-- a human being who is basically the total embodiment of everything that has changed in the world since Bucky was last freely a part of it. Yori assumes Bucky wants a date but Bucky really wants what he ultimately got out of it, which is more just to talk to her a bit. 

They also play Battleship, which is kind of darkly funny. The game originated after WW1 and used to be played on paper. It soared into popularity in the 1930s and has never stopped being popular ever since-- so, in essence, the game they play is the one part of this that, like Bucky, has been in existence the whole time. It has taken on different forms, though. It became a plastic board game in the ‘60s and has been modernized a few times but it’s still here. (It’s also funny that Bucky is kind of losing the game with her, symbolizing that he’s not entirely figured out this whole modern world yet, even if he’s very interested by it.)

But the big thing is that Bucky is beginning to edge away from just observing this new world and trying to decide how he wants to participate in it. He’s basically decided that he might like to and while his heart is completely with Sam, he’s also afraid of himself and his ability to potentially destroy that one really strong wish he has to be with him, so he’s pushing him away by not answering his texts. He’s likely also, atop insecurity in himself, literally terrified at the idea of hurting Sam not just physically-- through some nightmare or some untapped Winter Soldier potential or failing to protect him-- but through the fact that he’s a guy from the 1940s who has literally never openly dated a man, had Black friends during the war but that was decades ago and is not really sure how to do this. 

Forced into a date with Leah, he experiments with the modern world in a way because he’s here because sure, he likes her and all but he was more just interested in her world than her personally and he just didn’t want to disappoint either her or Yori, so he showed up. She seems fairly trustworthy (and he trusts no one but Sam and Yori, so that’s a start) but what he wants really is to say aloud to someone for the first time that he likes men. To see how that goes in this modern era. (Depending on how you take Bucky and Steve, he could have put this into words to Steve at one point, likely way back when, but it’s also possible that they both just knew and didn’t talk about it. Either way, you didn’t go around telling people you didn’t trust in the ‘40s and it’s doubtful that he’s ever just said it to anyone and for sure not on a regular basis.) 

He even knows that this wouldn’t be a deal breaker for a woman, necessarily, in the modern era, which is probably blowing his mind a bit because you would have been hard-pressed to find a woman who would admit to someone she didn’t implicitly trust that back in the ‘40s and it wouldn’t have been so open and accepted. What he really wants in Leah is a new friend and she seems to sense that-- she likes this weird guy with the circulation problem that is nice enough to lunch with the old man at her restaurant, he seems okay enough, if broody and sad, so why not talk to him for a bit? She totally thinks he’s just a closet case (she’s not wrong lol) and won’t really be crushed by him rushing out of the date beyond like “too bad, he was pretty hot” but for Bucky, this is the likely the first time he’s ever casually chatted with another human being about his attempt at finding a guy he likes. 

It’s actually really sweet in that he’s still sort of coding it a bit, if not that much. He’s still a bit nervous about this so he’s saying tiger pictures to reference men so he can say it without saying it. Leah gets it and just kind of rolls with it and probably has zero idea how big a deal it was for the century-old guy sitting at the bar. 

He might have been intentionally dramatic a bit about how it was all “a lot” but he was also telling her the truth-- he did a little exploring online. Found some men. It looked like a lot of work to stroke all these egos. Bucky’s for the modern world but he’s kind of into more old-fashioned guys. He’s got a warm-hearted soldier kink. Family man kind of guys with generous spirits. He’s considering online stuff because he’s also a guy who has been through an absurd amount of trauma-- some of which the show will just come out and say involves sexual assault, off that Selby scene-- and he’s probably considering trying to get beyond some of it by just having sex with somebody. It’s not at all an uncommon response for people who have been raped to try to get beyond it by just having sex again and you know this is yet another level of anxiety for him when it comes to the idea of having another chance at life. He’s nervous around himself at this point and doesn’t fully trust himself, so he’s not sure how he can trust other people and the one guy he *does* trust and *does* want? Bucky has that whole ‘don’t want to burden him with my own issues’ thing happening. (That’s not a bad thing when it’s a situation of expecting your partner to be your therapist, which shouldn’t happen but Bucky would and should have expectations that someone he’d have as a romantic partner can be someone he can trust to care about him and be sensitive to how his past plays into his present needs, in and out of bed.) He’d trust Sam with this but he also wants to be like... he basically feels like he met the potential love of his life while trying to kill him and just got his mind back and the timing is all wrong. It’s a lot of ‘too broken for Sam’ self-narrative. 

Whether or not Bucky actually went beyond scrolling and being astounded at the unattractive insecurity of tiger pictures or whether he hooked up a time or two, it’s clear he didn’t get what he needed out of it and he gave up on it, admitting to himself that he’s really basically a tired old romantic who wants love and trust and the whole dance of things and that kind of intimacy more than the back alley casualness of online dating. This is about as far as Bucky has gotten while trying to deal with his trauma while having a truly terrible therapist: he likes sushi now and would like to have his life’s first real chance at an open, mutual, loving, romantic relationship. He just didn’t know how to get himself there. 

John Walker and the shield issues actually, ironically, gave him scenarios where he could, through actions that suited him better than those his therapist had assigned. He needed to learn not to not hurt anyone but how to manage it when he did. He needed to learn how to be a soldier that protects people again, not the Winter Soldier, and that he can control that part of himself. He needed the opportunity to show Sam that he really does care, he’s just a grieving mess of a man working through being so out of time and secretly scared that he might like this time better, might have a chance at being who he is for the first time, and he doesn’t know quite what to do with that. He lets Sam in enough that they can show one another that they understand each other’s traumas. He tosses himself out of a plane for Sam in the first episode to prove he’ll follow him anywhere, that he’s strong and will survive and come back, knowing about Riley not being alive when he hit that ground. Sam responds by seeing Bucky essentially frozen in a PTSD moment of the train car on the side of that truck and grabs him out of danger. They snark and bicker but the actions speak louder than the words-- there’s caring there and want and a sense that they’re a bit gone on the other. 

Sam’s trust in Bucky-- even as Bucky is still learning how to trust himself with himself-- gives Bucky a confidence boost that he was missing when he pulled away from Sam out of fear of hurting him. The whole White Panther/White Wolf scene? Sam expected Bucky to grumble or blush, he was for sure flirting with him but didn’t expect quite that amount of flirt back. Without realizing it, he had hit on the exact part of Bucky’s identity that was giving him the biggest boost, that he understood the best at that time-- the White Wolf. The White Wolf is the freed Winter Soldier, a peaceful tender of goats, a wounded warrior beloved by a community who rescued him. He represents Bucky’s recent past into his present-- being able to work for the chance to shake loose the Winter Soldier and evolve into a different version of himself. He wanted to impress Sam with that-- he saw Sam’s flirting and parried back, which he didn’t always do, because he knew it would be impressive that the Wakandans had given him a (pretty sexy actually) nickname. He’s boosted by Sam still flirting, Sam still caring, still seeing something in him he’s working on seeing himself. He has some hope, even as they fight, because his attempts at getting closer to Sam are not being rejected wholesale and Sam keeps reaching out to him, often literally. After Madripoor and after Bucky going after and finding Zemo, he feels more ready. He’s more in control of himself. He thinks he has a path to getting beyond the worst of this stuff and he might not have worked out all the details yet or figured out what it looks like but he finally feels ready to try and since Sam hasn’t rejected him, he’s going to take Yori’s advice, just with the right person and stop waiting around, stop just looking and make a move. 

In a way, Sam is introduced to 1940s Bucky for the first time in Delacroix-- this is the guy he saw glimpses of but was pretty deeply buried. He’s not reverted back to the Bucky of old as how could he, after all he’s been through? But this is the flirt, the natural charmer and he’s been set free for real for the first time, without worry or fear that he can’t live a life he wants and be the person he truly is without fear of rejection of who he loves, his family and the community at large. He likes this place that is the exact opposite of everything he’s suffered-- it’s so warm, he’ll never feel frozen again, physically or emotionally. The people here don’t care about his arm or who he loves, Sam’s family has Sam’s big, warm heart and Sam? Well, Bucky’s enjoying making him a little flustered. You like that stealthy White Wolf, Sam? Well, he’s got his eyes on you. ;)

Maybe the best part of this being the parallel to Sam’s decisions about how he wants to identify when it comes to him deciding to take up the shield is that it relates to a sense of freedom that is at the core of both of Sam and Bucky’s stories and is the whole point of Captain America and how it is supposed to symbolize a fight against fascism. Bucky has been told twice in the series that he’s “free” and each were, in a sense, a bit true. Ayo tells him this when he’s free from mind control and that is a major move forward for him-- life-altering-- but he’s not free from the trauma of it. Dr. Raynor tells Bucky that he’s free now and can build whatever life he wants but we see on Bucky’s face how those statements for him, in those early episodes in New York, really are conflicting ones-- he is free from mind control but still imprisoned in his trauma and that is what is keeping him from making the life he wants. Over the course of TFATWS, alongside Sam’s journey to decide how he wants to feel about America as a Black man and what he feels he owes to the country and the country owes to him, is the story of Bucky having to build his own identity as well. The Falcon and The Winter Soldier is ultimately what these guys were-- the identities they still have at the beginning of the show. They’re going to end it Sam and Bucky, Captain America and the White Wolf. Bucky’s real sense of freedom only came when he realized he could trust himself to decide how he wanted to live, when he proved that to himself and took control over it. He’s still not completely fine-- no one really is, ever-- but he has a path now. Sam and Bucky have different identity conflicts but ultimately, at the core, their struggles with them and with what their country has asked of them and with how they want to live and what they want for themselves, is very similar and the core of a lot of why they understand one another well. 

It wouldn’t surprise me if we find out that Bucky stopped answering Sam’s texts when Sam suggested he come to Delacroix. Bucky knew about the boat when he got there, the same way that Sam knew about Bucky’s nightmares, so these two were talking a lot, they were friends on a verge of more but both knowing they each had too many struggles to overcome first and I think that Sam had to have been trying to reach out and accidentally went too far. It’s kind of like in the therapy session-- most of the time, Sam is amazing at dealing with people who have been through trauma but he sometimes falls off his game with Bucky. The whole “this is what you wanted, right?” in the therapy session is frustration, it’s pushing a little too hard, it’s snarking over feeling like Bucky rejected him romantically, even if Sam understands why and probably wasn’t convinced they were ready for it anyway. It’s possible that Sam thought inviting Bucky home with him would be good for him-- and the sun and the Wilsons would have been-- but, at the time, it just made Bucky panic, which is then also why Sam just rolls over the fact that Bucky hadn’t been returning his texts when they see one another again. Sam kept reaching out to check on him but accepted the non-response because he felt like he might have kind of pushed Bucky too fast. They both know they both have feelings for one another but are scared by how much the other has to get through to get to that point and feel ill-equipped to really help one another, often blunder in their attempts to (and other times, get it just right.) 

So, yeah. There’s still no shortage of conflicts to be dealt with but alongside Sam finding his path to living his truth in this modern world has been Bucky’s arc from daring to whisper about tiger photos to showing up to show off his prowess with heavy stuff and tools to win over his boyfriend in front of his family and hometown. It’s not subtext. It’s literally Bucky’s identity-themed character arc, existing in parallel to Sam’s. Just because they aren’t giving it a ton of labels does not mean that it isn’t the intent of the story. 

[assortedpuzzlepieces]

Ok, I’m about to go off on a GIANT rant about a specific issue I have with John Winchester & how the show intentionally & canonically portrays him as an ableist, homophobic asshole through his portrayal by JDM, so buckle up.

For the record, this is something I’ve always believed, but after listening to podcast episodes from @otrsupernatural & Carrying Wayward, one super clear example of why has just snapped into place & I feel compelled to share it.

So I want to start by noting a couple things that stand out. First & foremost, I think JDM is an incredible actor & I think he brings his A game with his portrayal of John. John Winchester is undeniably an asshole, & yet JDM balances that so well against the idea of loving parent, to not only make the character more realistic, but also to give real authenticity & depth to the trauma his children experienced at his hands & answer why they act the way they do in regards to him as their parent.

John is someone who, on the surface, appears to be a loving and concerned father, who makes mistakes, but does so because he’s in shitty circumstances & doesn’t have a lot of options or has his own trauma to battle that limits the choices he believes he has.

However, the show also gives us other content that proves there is more to John than that caring but broken man from as early as S1 & into the beginning of S2, & this content screams the truth of his ableism & homophobia, & gives some really strong evidence as to why these are two of the primary struggles of his children through the end of the series.

To explain, we 1st have to look at characters from earlier in S1. In 1x10, Asylum, we are introduced to Dr. Ellicott. He is shown to be someone who is canonically ableist to people with MHI. He sees them as less human, he does unethical experiments on them, he tortures them, just, lots of gross stuff there. On top of that, we see him as a ghost using what appears to be electrical shocks to Sam & Dean to possess & harm them, which resembles electroshock. There are also strong echoes of conversion therapy in this episode.

After this, we have 1x12, Faith, where Sue Ann is using dark magic to attack & murder people she hates, which specifically includes a woman who was pro choice & a gay man. This not only shows that she was homophobic, but that she condemned sexual freedom & bodily autonomy for women as well, which is in relation to homophobia, as well as deeply rooted in misogyny.

So essentially, we are shown a doctor who tries to force people to be less mentally ill or queer by “curing” them, & then a woman who took it a step further & murdered them to “cleanse” the town. We are given two different, but very interwoven ways with which society has tried to get rid of queers & disabled people, & it’s not subtext, it’s literally stated.

Now, in the show, both Dr. Ellicott & Sue Ann are the villains, & while the show demonstrates their ableism & homophobia, it also clearly condemns them for those actions. They are both dead/gone by the end of the episode & their actions are shown as evil. This is SO important, especially for a show that has failed in other episodes to truly state what exactly is the problematic action in the episode (looking at you, Bugs & Route 666).

That said, if Dr. Ellicott & Sue Ann are villains, then we must also extrapolate that ableism & homophobia are intentionally being written as evil in the show, so other characters who demonstrate these actions are also bad. (Yes, I know I’m being super redundant right now, but I just want to be really damn clear on this to demonstrate why I believe John’s characterization is intentional).

Now, in 1x21, John finally “learns” about Sam’s psychic abilities, & I say that in quotes bc there’s reason to believe he knew about it already from Missouri & was just in denial until confronted with the evidence, at which point he has a very strong reaction. As Ali pointed out, it’s interesting that he has such a strong negative reaction, as he clearly doesn’t have an issue with Missouri as a psychic, & yet he’s upset about Sam being one. He demonstrates the mindset of “othering” people outside of his family, which is a common treatment of both people w/ MHI & queer people - the mentality that “those people” are fine in general, but “not my son/daughter/family/me”.

So here in that episode, we are already getting an attitude from him that clearly parallels ableism & homophobia, & that is on top of other comments he made that are clearly rooted in misogyny, like his “that’s my man” to Dean in the flashback in Something Wicked This Way Comes (1x18).

THEN - the final nail in the coffin is the “secret” he tells Dean before he dies in 2x1; that Dean needs to either save Sam or stop him. By now it’s crystal clear he views Sam as something “other”, something not fully human, & his response? It’s literally “cure or cleanse”. Either make him “normal” or get rid of him.

To repeat, John LITERALLY uses ableist & homophobic language & tactics towards him son because he is different, & also tries to force Dean to do the same, passing on that legacy, by trying to erase anything about Sam thats not his personal definition of “normal”, all out of FEAR of who his son is & what he might do.

And the show CONDEMNS this behavior from the very beginning, even before we ever see him act this way!! They make it clear that ableism & homophobia are BAD, show John act that way, & then condemn him AGAIN when Dean tells Sam & it is made clear to the audience that what John asked of him was wrong.

Like… holy fuck. There is literally no way I can watch this & not believe that his characterization was not 100% intentional with him being set up as a bad person & his actions as condemnable. It’s just not narratively possible. John Winchester was intentionally written to be an asshole & we are supposed to see him as one, & any love we see from him is only meant to validate the complicated feelings Sam & Dean have towards him, not undermine the knowledge that he is a bad person. It’s literally in the text.

*Edit - Im adding a point here, since it’s been brought to my attention. John’s concern about Sam being infected with demon blood & possibly corrupted does not detract from the parallel being made between his actions & those of IRL people who are homophobic or ableist. In fact, this is another argument for that in interpretation, & here is why -

For literal thousands of years, mental illness has been viewed as demonic. People w/ MHI were thought to be possessed, evil incarnations, or even just sinfully corrupt & given to wickedness. People w/ physical disabilities were believed to be punished for moral failings, not faithful enough, etc, etc. Queer people were believed to be sexually deviant, witches, destroyers of families, etc.

These beliefs carry across many religions, but especially Christianity, & are present even today in some more extreme sects. And the people that believed these things? Well many of them were parents who “loved” their child & were trying to protect them from evil by purifying them. They too believed they had valid fears & good reasons to torture, maim, & even kill their children.

So to anyone who would argue “well it’s not the same because John had a good reason to be afraid of Sam” - shut the fuck up, because no, he didn’t.

Sam hadn’t hurt anyone. He wasn’t doing anything worth killing him over. He was a good kid who was hurt by someone outside his control & yet he only started doing anything that was truly wrong when he was pushed to it by circumstances that were again, beyond his control, & only then bc he was trying to do what was right!!

Anyone would do that, not just a kid w/ some demon blood powers. So let’s not act like he was inherently dangerous just BC he was different, bc guess what? That’s part of that mindset too. Sam was a good fucking person & John seeing him as less was John’s failing, not Sam’s.

[mellointheory]

Metal Elephant, Carried By Mice

The rain transformed the city.

Most people stayed inside, unwilling to venture out into the downpour. This city had been pouring toxins into the sky for decades, and the rain was a palpable sign of it. Acid burns from prolonged exposure were common, and were part of the reason tattoos and metallic skin implants were common. Normal people went inside when it rained.

It was freaks like Sam who stayed outside.

The rain pattered on slick, dark streets, capturing the reflections of neon lights and twisting them across puddles in the ground. Drops soaked into Sam’s vest, darkening the already stained yellow fabric, and dripped into his eyes as he made his way through the streets. A small gang of figures wearing rain resistant hoods were gathered in the mouth of an alleyway he passed, passing around a small pipe of something. It glowed bright green in the darkness. They noticed him pass, but didn’t move to stop him. There was an unspoken agreement between them, fools of the streets who dared to wander in the rain.

In the broad daylight he have gotten far more of a reaction—a seven foot tall hybrid walking the streets was hardly ever viewed as an acceptable sight, especially not one of Sam’s type—but he was in his element right now, the time designated for people like him. The hybrids, the assassins, the gamblers, the belly of the underground. The people who decided when the wars went down.

Hypixel City’s less reputable areas were split up among the various gangs powerful enough to take control. It was all about where the prices were higher, where the water was cleaner, where the toxins were least dangerous. Of those three only price really made a difference to Sam, but he chose his side anyway. He never got directly involved in the wars, that was too dangerous for everyone present, but he protected their area in his own way. Alarms, traps, security cameras, the works. He had been expecting this to happen ever since the rain first started, and he’d asked the others to be on the alert.

Boomer and Hannah were at the break site when he got there. The chain link fence between two areas had been cut open, leaving an area big enough for even someone Sam’s size to slip through. Both of the racers were arguing loudly, voices audible over the rain as Sam approached them.

“Sam!” Hannah called as he came over, whipping towards him and cutting Boomer off in the middle of his sentence. She had her helmet on, but it was easy to identify her by the glowing rose tattoos on her bare arms. “Where did they go from here?”

“I don’t know, they knocked out the cameras.” Sam opened his communicator to the channel the entire squad shared. Rain spattered on the screen and he wiped it away to read the messages sent most recently. “Punz went north to look for them, Ant and Gumi went west.”

“They’re not dumb enough to go south.” Boomer took off his helmet and tucked it under his arm, milky-blue eyes narrowed. “I mean, Bad’s place down there.”

“What’s he gonna do, serve them a muffin?” Hannah rolled her eyes, pulling her bike from where it leaned against the fence and kicking the stand up. It was a sleek, dark thing held together by magnetism mostly, with glowing pink lights on the tailpipe and the front and peace and love sprayprainted across the side. Sam had built most of it for her, as a favor for helping out at the plant.

“Come on, Bad’s more dangerous than that.” Boomer raised the pitch of his voice to a gratingly high octave. “oh, hello, are you Skeppy? You’re not Skeppy! Time to die, muffin head!” His voice returned to its normal bass rumble. “Then boom, they’re dead.”

“Bad has enough of a reputation to keep them out of his bar, but Ant’s sanctuary is past that. They may just have avoided him to try to hit in a place where it’ll hurt.” Sam tapped his communicator, pulling up camera footage from near the southern side of their territory.

“Do you want us to head down there and guard it?” The tattooed roses on Hannah’s arms shone luminous pink in the dark, twisting as she stretched them up over her head.

“That would be the best plan.” Sam nodded, flicking through camera views. “They know our territory better than they should. I’ll keep checking the cameras, you two patrol the area by Ant’s sanctuary.”

“Got it, big man.” Boomer swung one leg over the seat of his bike. It was bulkier than Hannah’s—Sam had helped him put it together years ago—and shone silver despite the grime of the streets. He revved the motor, green light flaring up from the tailpipe, and took off with the splash of water beneath him. The lights left a visible trail in the air, caught on the mist of falling rain. Hannah’s bike darted after him, catching up within a few seconds.

Sam returned his attention to his communicator.

What if they’re baiting us out or something? Gumi had messaged in the past few seconds.

Baiting us away from what? Sam typed back.

Maybe they want a hostage. Antfrost sent. They’re rats enough for that.

The most available hostage is that DUNDERHEAD Skeppy >:[ Red replied.

If they take Skeppy I’ll destroy them Bad typed quickly. Typical. He had been offline for most of the evening, serving the customers in his bar, then as soon as Skeppy was suggested to be in danger he jumped into the chat.

Yeah, like you destroyed his asshole last night. Red sent. Sam sighed and shut his eyes.

Focus. He told them. Boomer and Hannah are going to check around the sanctuary. Gumi and Ant, I’m assuming you haven’t seen anything.

There was a nope, from Ant and a negative, Samuelson from Gumi

Punz, what about you? Sam asked.

No reply.

Dammit, he shouldn’t have let Punz go out alone. If Punz saw them he would probably just move in immediately, try to injure the intruders and slow them before he even called in with info.

Punz you WHORE give us an update!!! Gumi sent.

Sam groaned and put his communicator in his pocket. He bent to inspect the severed wires of the fence. It was a divider between the Pummel Squad’s territory and that of the NeoSkars. The wires were cut cleanly, not with clippers, but seared straight through. They had actual gear to infiltrate with. The size of the hole they’d needed to make also hinted that they had a few hybrids on their own side, or at least heavily modded humans.

They could take care of the intruders eventually. He knew the squad well, trusted them to handle themselves in a fight—well, most of them. The problem was what they would do while in Pummel territory. If they managed to make a hit at something that belonged to a member of the crew—like Ant’s sanctuary or Red’s enhancement dealership—they would deal a blow to both the gang’s reputation, and the members themselves. Ant would be heartbroken if any of his animals died. They were all strange creatures, chimeras created for the enjoyment of rich patrons, that were eventually decided to no longer be novelties and tossed out on the streets. Ant was probably the only person keeping abandoned creatures like them from dying on the roadside.

Boomer and Hannah would keep the sanctuary safe. They may argue and scream about it, but they would do it. Sam’s greatest worry at the moment was whatever was happening in Punz’s area. Everyone else was grouped up, had a buddy to keep them safe. Punz was being too reckless.

As always.

All Sam could hope was that it wasn't too bad this time.

[condorclaw]

The different ways the DSMP characters reacted to Tommy’s return and what they dealt with in his absence

I've been thinking about today's stream (shock of the fucking century), and mmm let's just take a moment to highlight how interesting the reunions are between Tommy and the others (Sam, Jack, Tubbo, etc.) by looking at their reactions and how they felt when they heard about Tommy's death. (Note: I have not watched Ranboo or Jack's streams that take place after this one. This is only detailing the information that occurred in Tommy's stream.)

Tommy’s death impacted a lot of people, with them going through many different stages of grief and coming to a realization of their own in terms of how they viewed Tommy or the server in general. His death was sudden and gruesome, with Sam being the only one to witness the evidence, ending up leaving quite a few skeptical if he really did die.

Tommy was resurrected by Dream, and now has to deal with the reality that life was moving on, which he wanted to follow. He wanted to go back to the way how everybody treated him, but him returning is essentially a zombie to everybody else. There were many different reactions to this.

SAM

"H-How are you here...?"

Reaction: Upon hearing Tommy was still alive, Sam was frantic in getting him out, and after Tommy left the cell, Sam remained in shock, even as Tommy yelled at him. Despite not understanding what happened, Sam was willing to try and make Tommy as comfortable as possible, even putting away his sword upon Tommy's request. He remained soft-spoken throughout the process of getting Tommy out, allowing Tommy to yell and vent his heart out, even if the words were reminding Sam of his failure.

Before Tommy was found alive: Sam was the one probably most affected by Tommy's death. He was in an awful state of depression, causing his words to be softer and his actions were less calculated. Sam deeply blamed himself for Tommy's death, telling Ranboo about the extent it affected him, even implying that he would kill the one who set off the TNT, since it's what caused him to take precautions in the first place. San revealed he was tormented by Dream to both Ranboo and Foolish, with Dream laughing at Sam upon him finding Tommy's body, and demanding Sam to come into the cell so he could kill him too. Sam blamed himself for Hannah's corruption, thinking of himself as a coward for not going into the egg room due to his trauma.

TUBBO

"You're not real."

Reaction: Tubbo didn't see Tommy approach at first, since he was busy with his hotel. When Tommy startled him however, Tubbo backed away as fast as his could, breathing heavily as he tried to get his words out. Tubbo asked Tommy to pinch him to prove he was real, which Tommy did. As Tommy talks to Tubbo about what happened and how he's feeling, Tubbo tries to retain as much information as he can through the shock that Tommy was alive after another fatal incident. When Tommy asks if Tubbo can leave him alone as he processes things, Tubbo agrees to do so, but tries to secretly follow Tommy around, needing to make sure he's real.

Before Tommy was found alive: Tubbo had originally been in denial upon hearing Tommy was dead, being rather familiar with Tommy's previous assumed death. He continued to work on his hotel with Ranboo, his new husband that he got engaged to when Tommy was in prison, even adopting a son, Michael, with Ranboo. Aside from working on the hotel and spending time with Ranboo, Tubbo made it his mission to discover who planted the TNT, his denial beginning to fade as he accepted the loss of Tommy. He began to look for every possible solution, even going as far as to suspect things that are entirely unrelated to the cause. He built a memorial for Tommy outside Snowchester, building a bench, placing a jukebox, and making a prime log in his memory.

JACK

"Bigger elephant in the room, why are you alive!?"

Reaction: Jack had been working at his own hotel when Tommy came to see him. The shock from Jack was immediate, insisting that Tommy was still dead, and stating that he grieved for Tommy, so he can't be gone. He becomes so caught up in his rage, he reveals to Tommy that he had been trying to kill Tommy for months. Jack states that he went to hell, but becomes furious when Tommy fails to acknowledge it, and just brushes it off. He insists that he did everything better than Tommy ever could, and declares that he deserves to die.

Before Tommy was found alive: Jack was initially happy upon Tommy's death, declaring that he had won the fight against him. As time stretched on though, Jack began to lament over his and Tommy's shared history, realizing that Tommy was his closest friend on the sever, and that he had been angry due to believing that Tommy valued the discs above everything else. He decided to let go of his anger, and wanted to start all over again. With this mindset, he burned down his old house, and was the one who told several of the server members about Tommy's death, including Quackity and Ant.

CONNOR

"I just got this house, like, two days ago."

Reaction: When Tommy entered his house, Connor was scared, seeing Tommy as a ghost and hitting him, which triggered Tommy. Realizing that Tommy was alive, Connor asked if this meant he had to move back into Ninja's house, and showed Tommy his diary, with the third page sharing that he missed Tommy. Because Connor was the only one treating him like he always had, Tommy told Connor about how touch triggered him. He tells Connor about what happened, which allows Connor to express his feelings of wanting to improve the prison system. He patiently listens to Tommy talk, not asking Tommy about what happened after Tommy shares his discomfort in talking about it. Before the two separate, Connor says they can talk about the system when Tommy's feeling better.

Before Tommy was found alive (note: I haven't watched the stream yet, so I'll be describing past moments from their relationship): Connor has always had an interesting relationship with Tommy, the two being on rather neutral terms with some sort of understanding between them. Connor and Tommy had conflict at the beginning, but there was care shown between them. Even after Tommy and Technoblade kidnapped and traumatized him, Connor expressed that he didn't feel like Tommy was bad, just conflicted. He was one of the few adults who didn't believe that Tommy should be punished for things he couldn't control. Despite their bickering and occasional frustration towards each other, Connor does see Tommy as just a kid who got caught up in something, and Tommy does care about Connor as a friend.

RANBOO

"You're, uh... You're here! Wow! That's, uh, that's cool."

Reaction: Upon Ranboo and Tommy seeing each other, they both stared in silence at first, even when Tubbo went to slightly hide behind Ranboo. Ranboo tried to initiate casual conversation with Tommy while trying to process his return, asking Tommy how he's been. The conversation would occasionally get interrupted as Tubbo tried to make little advances towards Ranboo, making him amused. Ranboo tried to ask Tommy about how he was alive, and tells Tommy how he learned about his death through Sam. Tommy expressed his discomfort, frustratedly asking Ranboo if Tubbo was now his new best friend. Ranboo tried to give Tommy an allium flower, but Tommy immediately burned it out of frustration, stunning Ranboo a bit. Tommy leaves after saying he's uncomfortable, leaving Ranboo behind as Tubbo continues on to follow Tommy.

Before Tommy was found alive: Tommy's death affected Ranboo greatly, making him question the morality of everybody around him, leading him to lash out at Sam for allowing Tommy to go anywhere near Dream, and making Ranboo believe that people were only sad about Tommy because he was dead. Ranboo especially reflected on his first meeting with Tommy, thinking about how he threw away the allium flower Ranboo had given him. Later he realized that Tommy had never thrown it away, and understands that Tommy did actually care about him. Ranboo thinks of himself as responsible for Tommy's exile, and has to juggle with these thoughts alongside keeping his new alliance from discovering his secret husband and son. Ranboo became very protective of Tubbo and Michael, helping Tubbo deal with his grief and conveying that Michael was the only constant happiness he has in his life.

QUACKITY

"T-Tommy! Welcome back, Tommy!"

Reaction: When Tommy approached him, Quackity had stepped back, believing that it was somebody else in a Tommy costume, and calling them horrible for wearing it. After he sees Tubbo watching Tommy closely, reality starts to settle in, and after Tommy talks about a specific experience he had with Quackity, Quackity becomes overjoyed at his return, telling Tommy about his business plan and becomes excited that Tommy will be able to see it. Quackity also asks about the revival book, which Tommy uncomfortably tells him about, recounting memories from his death. He says goodbye to Quackity after that, but before he leaves, Quackity gives Tommy a fish, joking that he "found Nemo". Before he leaves, he says the two should catch up sometime, and dashes away happily, with his last words being: "what the fuck, that green son of a b-".

Before Tommy was found alive: Quackity hadn't been seen much around the server, his last big interaction being with Jack when he learned about Tommy's death. Upon hearing that he died, Quackity tried to hide his feelings, insisting that the business came first, despite how sorrowful he sounded. Before that, Quackity had been a very positive figure in Tommy's life, willing to defend him against Dream's unfair rules and harsh actions. He had visited Tommy in exile, even becoming worried for his mental health at specific points. Quackity cares a lot for Tommy, and though he won't outright state it, he has a strong connection with him.

CONCLUSION

Everybody on the server has had different interactions with Tommy, and were all affected in different ways when he died. Upon him leaving the prison and turning up alive, they all had different reactions to his return, each relating to their own character and what they experienced while he was away. They all showed different kinds of headspaces, ranging from overjoyed to furious, and Tommy had his own thoughts on each of them as well.

TLDR: Everybody's interactions with Tommy made sense with their characters' histories with him, and all express different kinds of thoughts and reactions that people can go through.

Now let's get all these fuckers some therapy, let's fucking goooooo.

[runwithwolvcs]

You Know I'm No Good - nine

prove them right

Warnings: none

I have a happy personality with a heavy soul, it's very tiring.

Waking up the next day, Tallulah was more than confused. She remembered Paul driving her home, but not getting home. She must’ve fallen asleep, but that wouldn’t explain how she got into her house, let alone her bed. There was a throw blanket draped over that she quickly tossed to the side. She was still in her jean shorts and tshirt from the night before, which were the last of her clean clothes from her duffle bag, she groaned out loud, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, her stuff from Seattle still hadn’t arrived. She left her room, and knocked on the door next to hers, Lennas answered, clearly getting ready for work and raised one eyebrow at her half-sister, “Yes?”

“Can I borrow a hoodie, please.” She asked quietly, she's never had to ask to share clothes with anybody before, and only hoped this would go in her favour. Lenna sighed, and opened the door further, nodding her head in the direction of her closet.

Tallulah made quick work of the many hoodies Lenna owned, selecting an oversized red hoodie that had their school name on it. “Thanks, Lenna.”

“No problem. But, I get to borrow that brown flannel you own”

“Deal.” Tallulah agreed, throwing on the hoodie before leaving her to finish getting ready. She walked downstairs to the kitchen where she knew her dad would be, deciding there was no time better than now to ask about the Port Angeles trip with her friends from Seattle. She smiled at him as he looked up when she entered the room, “Good Morning, Tal.”

“Morning Dad.” She chewed her lip, before spitting out nervously, “Can I visit with my friends next friday? They’re going to be in Port Angeles.” she looked at her dad expectantly as he mulled over the idea, before ultimately shaking his head no, “I don’t think that's a good idea, Tally.” She rolled her eyes in annoyance, “What do you mean it's not a good idea!? They’re my friends who I have known since I was a kid! You let me go out with pretty much strangers just last night!” She nearly yelled, she was angry and annoyed that the level of control she had in current life felt like it was at zero. “These same friends that got you into all this trouble are the reason you are not going to see them.”Her dad's voice now raises slightly too, clearly she gets her ability to stay calm from him, or lack of.

“They didn’t get me into anything! I did that myself! Those were my choices. And maybe I shouldn't have. But I did, and now I’m here and you're refusing to let me move past them. It’s not fair!”

“You’re not going, Tally and that's final.” She spoke with such authority that she knew better than to argue.

“Fine!” she fumed, turning on her heels and heading for the front door. Grabbing her car keys as she did so. She slammed the front door as she made her way to her car, climbing in and slamming that door too. She rested her forehead on the steering wheel as she took a few deep breaths to collect herself.

After figuring she was calm enough to drive, she started the engine and pulled away from her house, following random roads with no destination in mind.

Turning right, a mix of stand alone stores came into view, Uley's BookStore amongst them. She could see Paul's blue truck sitting outside of it. She didn’t know exactly why, but she wanted to see him and before she could stop herself she was parking her car next to his and climbing out.

She walked into the store wearily, a small chime alerting that someone had just walked.

She spotted Paul almost immediately as he lifted his head up from his spot at the counter that he was occupying, pen in hand and papers all laid out, ‘Hey, you didn’t tell me you were going to stop by today.” he said, his smile mirroring her own. All anger from 15 minutes prior had left her mind, just from being in his vicinity. “Last minute decision.” Tallulah admitted,

“Do you work here?” she asked as she marveled at the petite shop, its painted a forest green colour with dark wooden bookcases. Some were already lined with books, others were bare. Tallulah assumed those were recently put together. There's a bright red spiral staircase that leads to the second floor in the corner of the room, adjacent to the door she had previously walked through. It felt so cozy and welcoming.

“No. I’m just helping Sam and Emily out.” he said, setting down whatever he had been working on before she had walked in.

“Oh. What do you do then?” she spoke as she continued to look around the store, “Did you build these yourself?” she asked, thoroughly amazed as she looked at him. Paul nodded, “I do lots of things.”

Tallulah tilted her head, clearly looking for more clarification.

“I, uh, fixed up Chief Blacks wheelchair ramp a while back and kind of just stuck with odd jobs like that around the rez. I liked to do something else eventually. When I’m able to settle down.” Paul spoke, watching her as she ran her index finger down the spine of a book. “Settle down?” she asked curiously, looking over her shoulder at him. He nodded in return, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck, “I work for Sam mostly, but I don’t want to be doing that forever.” Tallulah held back the urge to roll her eyes, “Right, his little protection squad he’s got going on.” she turned back to the bookshelf she was looking at, picking a book up off the shelf to read the synopsis. “Is that what they’re calling it these days'' She nodded her head while still looking, “Yeah, and from what I’ve gathered you guys are a real pain in everyones ass.” she teased, thinking about the night before when he had showed up with Sam in the clearing. Paul laughed before saying, “I’ll tell you more about it another day. Can you help me with this?”. Tallulah nodded and walked to him, he was holding a wooden shelf against the wall, but it wasn’t quite centered. They traded places and began to adjust it, stepping back to make sure it was centered before marking the wall so that he could drill the wall studs. She could feel the heat radiating off of him, making her want to be closer than they already were. She shook the thought from her and handed him the shelf before making her way to another bookshelf that had already been set up and filled.

She found a book on Quileute legends that she had yet to hear about and plucked it off the shelf before making her way to the counter and hopping up, and reading the first few pages.

“Here. You’ll like this one.” she heard him say, looking up as he brought a book over to her. She placed the one she was currently holding beside before taking the one from his hands, reading the name out loud, “The Wolves Are Back”, Tallulah looked up at Paul amused, “Very funny.” Paul laughed lightly at her reaction, “You’re the one who wanted to know if there were wolves here,”nudging her teasingly, “And you said there are wolves in the forest!” she exclaimed, “and if a bear could wander close to the rez so could the wolves, plus I heard one earlier this week” she stated, and he nodded his head, no doubt. “You’ll hear them all the time, but they're deep in the woods. They don’t come anywhere near civilization.” he assured.

Tallulah and Paul stayed at the bookshop until dark. The more she got to know him, the more she realized she had misjudged him. They way he talked about his group of friends, especially Sam made her realize just how similar they were. Loyal to a fault.

It also made her realize how she could in fact go visit her friends with just a simple white lie. And sure, she was supposed to be spending her time in LaPush bettering herself, but clearly after what her dad said, they don’t think she can. That she will always be no good. She’s not going to change their opinions of her, so she might as well live up to their expectations of her.

Tags:@cperry0516 , @bhasbhabiessss, @fuzzyfingersandcavier