#especially like i was losing it in the lab yesterday

[so-i-did-this-thing]

How it's going as a trans person in Florida: Planned Parenthood, 26Health, and Spektrum Health have announced they have paused all gender affirming care.

To recap, DeSantis signed several anti-trans bills into law this week. Care is banned for minors, care is all but banned for adults, Don't Say Gay has been extended, children can be kidnapped from affirming parents by non-affirming family, and there is a bathroom bill that subjects trans folks to arrest for using government owned facilities, such as those in courthouses, airports, many stadiums and parks.

The adult effective ban was felt immediately. The main elements are:

signing at every visit an in-person informed consent form created by the state

all care come from physicians instead of nurse practitioners

no telemed for gender-affirming care

Currently, it is unknown if existing HRT prescriptions written by NPs will be honored by pharmacies. I personally know one person who was able to pick up testosterone yesterday, but I have also read many reports of folks being denied. I myself don't have a refill ready for another 10 days and will report back after I try my own pickup.

What's additionally dangerous is those of us, myself included, who get non-HRT prescriptions from our gender clinics now face the uncertainty of continuing of *all* of our medical care. Our health clinics are at risk of shuttering permanently as they lose major income, and many of us will lose STD meds, depression meds, heart meds, etc, etc.

When we say "this will kill us," it goes beyond suicide risk from forced detransition.

"But you can still get HRT from a physician."

So many suck or are outright hostile and the demand outstrips the supply. Before I found my NP-run clinic, one physician just decided to not call in my Rx, another was so shit at reading lab results, he thought I had hepatitis, and the third I had to threaten to kick in the teeth for trying to force too large a speculum in me.

Also, the state-required consent form has not been finalized and distributed yet, so at this point, everything has pretty much ground to a halt.

It was estimated that 80% of trans adults would lose their healthcare because of how many use providers like Planned Parenthood, but the impact seems even greater now.

"You can get your non-gender care elsewhere still."

DeSantis recently signed a bill that allows healthcare professionals to discriminate against trans people.

Sure, we can try to find care elsewhere, but it will be a slow and expensive process, with no guarantees. It took me over 20 years to get my heart condition treated because of transphobic doctors.

What can I do as a trans Floridian?

Stay in communication with your clinic - many are working on getting physicians added to the roster to prescribe HRT. Lawsuits are being filed and it's possible the changes to adult care can be rolled back.

Continue to try to pick up your meds, but begin looking for care elsewhere, though. Inside and outside the state.

Remember that while telemed for gender affirming care has been banned, you can still cross state lines for care. See Erin's map of informed consent clinics.

Many people will turn to DIY, but be sure you are aware of the risks here, especially if on testosterone, which is a controlled substance.

What should I be worried about next as a trans Floridian?

I worry about the following next steps towards genocide:

Banning getting care out of state. This is from the anti-abortion playbook. They will likely start with kids again, but we've seen how quickly adult care gets axed.

Being declared mentally incompetent or a risk in some way. This could be anything from being barred from gun ownership to not being allowed to work for the government.

Being declared a de facto predator. This has already happened with the latest bathroom law (cis people can eject trans people from government owned single-gender facilities, with arrest as a penalty), so watch out for it being applied to privately-owned facilities. Watch for discussions of official lists of trans people.

Gender presentation enforcement laws, essentially banning "cross dressing". Laws that block or rollback documentation changes.

These all have historic precedence and are huge "I'm in danger" red flags.

What can I do as a cis person?

Amplify all this news. Talk frankly about how this is genocide. And donate what you can to trans mutual aid campaigns so people can travel to get healthcare or even leave the state.

Here's some articles to get started on building awareness:

Take care, everyone, of yourself and each other.

[writing-fanics]

just imagine Viktor slowly falling for Jayce’s twin sister!reader who keeps visiting the lab with lunches she made. with tiny inspirational messages on a piece of paper with a small illustration on it.

she makes the best sandwiches and miniature cakes.. imagine she gives Viktor and extra cake or treat and Jayce is like where’s my extra one

“You pissed me off yesterday so Viktor gets yours” she would respond

and by the time of the second act in of season 1 they’re already married and she’s expecting (since it’s been seven years since they last met)

their relationship is cute and she loves Viktor for who he is and is heartbroken when she’s told that he’s dying.

she’s just a kind and supporting wife also stubborn especially… when color tells her to stay in piltover when he and Jayce went separate ways

She kept following and he could only chuckle and call her stubborn.

also imagine her giving birth during season 2.. when Viktor starts his little cult as Viktor Jesus…

Or honestly I feel like her having a child and Viktor losing his humanity temporarily is even more heartbreaking him walking away from the ones that love him the most

his own wife even after vowing to always be by his side going against him and trying to stop him

pleading with him to think about their daughter their child. maybe Caitlyn and Vi would raise the child together

Especially since y/n will follow Viktor and Jayce

also imagine y/n meeting Isha for the first time while walking around with her newborn baby strapped to her chest

She’s so kind and motherly also imagine the angst when JAYCE BASICALLY KILLS HIS BROTHER IN LAW!!!!

[aimseytv]

During the lore yesterday it sounded like au!aimsey was really afraid of the portal killing them, are they afraid of dying or afraid of everyone else dying? idk i find the relationship they have with death rn really interesting, especially going into the lab arc

they’re terrified of anything happening to au!guqqie, after what’s happened recently all they genuinely want is their girlfriend and their friends to be alive, to live and to be happy, and the idea of anything stopping that haunts them. they just forget that they’re included in that, au!aimsey forgets the biggest pain he could bring the people he loves is losing their life but they get too invested in research to care

[kroosluvr]

part II

i wrote all these notes in tags then realized i kinda want it in the main post JKASHJKDHASJK

also claude knows he cant outwait petra. not in this arctic snowscape where shes the most powerful

small note abt how petra doesnt have the lil misty breaths in front of her like how claude does. bc despite being human shes still a frost penguin

i imagine she has the power to basically 'feel' the landscape, finely tuned to every minute detail. especially since snow and ice is so silent. she just Knows.

claude knows he'll either freeze to death standing there or die in a watery grave if petra breaks the ice covering the lake so thats why he complies

petra's bitter projection at the end: "no one is coming to save you." because no one will come to save her.

in my head claude 2nd outfit is sorta a hitman/secret agent sort of deal..... kinda going off my last krisis comic , (EXTREMELY HEADCANON) after losing his friend claude diverges from his initial cleric path. something about the conflation of love and hate, healing and hurting, poison and medicine... the wires cross somewhere. Anyway idk why he's here in antarctica or whatever i just TEEHE I LIKE DRAWING MY OSHIS!!!!!! idk maybe pechora got too powerful and ~they~ had to send claude to eliminate her. capture her. or something. like the remnants of the research lab want to lock her down or something

petra uses the sword to break the ice (heh) btw. she can also like control icy weather to an extent. yea

also something cool and important abt no speech bubbles. in a cold icy land where the snow muffles everything... petra's voice carries through the frigid air. imagine it. WOAH... also claude having no lines also important in that way. guys idk how to analyze mym own decisions JUST KNOW I DID IT FOR A REASON. OF SORTS

i thought abt this comic at the gym yesterday andwhile i was wokring on these card edits so yea.

[notdefendingtaylor]

hello! i used to consider myself a swiftie and still enjoy taylor's music but wow, are the fans annoying. yesterday especially. no wonder football fans are irritated by them infiltrating the sport's online space- it's so mind-dulling to scroll through post after post of people playing dumb and ignorant about it. i honestly do not care about bandwagoning, change teams if you'd really like to follow winners, but the way they go about it is just so tiring. like, no, the willow manifesting videos stopped being funny two years ago, you guys ran tayvoodoo into the ground, and cram everything in everybody's face all the time and gloat about things she has nothing to do with. no wonder she doesn't interact with anybody either! and the booing... obviously it's not going to feel good, and it'd be a little scary to be surrounded by people who seem angry at you, but... why did it have to spur on everybody treating her like a baby? hashtag we love you taylor? i doubt she really cared, it was just awkward and slightly intimidating. i don't know, i'm just irritated by the sore losing and sudden holier-than-thou careless attitude they're trying to pull on while still whining and having tantrums over... eagles fans having a travis kelce pinata? lol.

oh i haven't seen most of these fandom rituals/memes but it sounds like it runs its course far sooner than they are willing to let it go. that's the thing, everything gets babygirlified and friendship braceleted to death. and yes, let people (especially woman-identifying people) enjoy things. but there are boundaries of good taste and when they said taylor was a 'natural' about understanding football and was drafting these amazing plays for the team... maybe? but does everything have to be about/belong to the god-empress? it's like the liberal-adjacent answer to trump telling people he is a natural at science while touring the vaccine lab - and don't come for me for saying their values are the same (I'm not), but their mythic statures/PR have some similar overtones. i think a lot of people dislike how nothing is not owned by taylor: identities are picked up, commodified, cannibalized, and discarded. identities like lgbt+ are used for a music video, mental illness is a music video and concert concept, british men are an accessory, football culture is hers now, etc. it's just the overconsumption of it all.

[set-phasers-to-whump]

racing the clock

prompt: race against the clock

whumpee: illya kuryakin

fandom: the man from uncle

hi everyone and welcome to my sixth year of whumptober!! i am so excited to be doing this again and i hope you like this first fic! it can be read as gen or ot3 or pre-ot3, whatever you feel like.

There’s a terrible noise in Napoleon’s head, a tick, tick, tick that counts down in time with the bumping of the car down the gravel road. Thirty minutes. Thirty minutes and then Illya’s body will start shutting itself off irreparably. Thirty minutes. Tick. Tick. Tick. 

It has been five minutes and forty-three seconds from the time they’d found him strapped to that chair, struggling against iron restraints with the ferocity, the desperation, of one who knows that the clock is ticking. 

“Two minutes. Sixteen seconds,” the report from Illya on how long it had been since a man in a lab coat had stuck a needle into his arm and pushed the plunger. 

Napoleon had immediately taken up the count. 

They are miles away from the city, from medical help. Napoleon had radioed Waverly as soon as they’d flung themselves into the car. The earliest evacuation time is two hours too late. 

Gaby is driving as fast as she can. She isn’t counting time. Can’t afford to, isn’t built to. All of her focus is on driving the beat-up little Renault down a road neither it nor she especially wants to be on. Her right foot is glued to the gas pedal, the wheel merely an extension of her arms. She’s in top gear, has been since she’d gone smoking out of the flattened patch of grass she’d parked on. 

She isn’t thinking. It is her and the car and the road, and nothing else exists. 

Nothing else can exist, or she will not be able to work. 

In the backseat, Napoleon is still counting. Tick. Tick. Tick. Nine minutes. Twenty seconds. God knows how far there is still to go. 

Illya is by necessity pressed up to his side in the cramped seat. Heat radiates off him, and Napoleon doesn’t know if this is normal and he’s just noticing everything now, or whether it’s some effect of the drug.  

He thinks. About the worst, mostly. About what he is going to do if they’re not in time, if Illya starts dying. If Illya loses himself. If they lose him. 

It’s difficult to think these things through when Illya’s body is a heavy weight beside him, when Illya’s breathing—slightly irregular—is as loud as the ticking in his head, as the gravel on the road. 

He doesn’t dare speak. Doesn’t want to risk losing count. Instead he blindly reaches for Illya’s sweaty hand, squeezes. 

Illya leans into him more heavily, his head coming to rest on Napoleon’s shoulder. This close, the shaking is impossible to ignore. 

“Я хочу—,” Illya whispers, voice unsteady and afraid, but before he can say what it is he wants, they’re both thrown to the side as Gaby executes a screaming turn, and suddenly the horrible noise beneath the wheels drops away. 

Asphalt. A proper road. 

Fourteen minutes, forty-eight seconds. 

Tick. Tick. Tick. 

Illya is silent. Napoleon’s heartbeat is thumping in his ears, but it has no hope of drowning out the clock. 

Gaby navigates through rapidly rising buildings, trying not to let relief overwhelm her. She still has to find a hospital. They still have to explain what’s wrong to a bunch of Portuguese doctors, and none of them speak Portuguese. 

Stop that. Drive. 

She’d seen signs for a hospital yesterday, driving through the city. She searches for familiar landmarks, finds none. Except—

There. A spire, rising up from behind a dreary apartment block that looks like it belongs back home. She knows where she’s going. A map forms itself in her mind. Fifteen minutes at the current speed limit. 

She’ll do it in ten, or maybe less. 

Napoleon does not let the increasingly more familiar cityscape outside calm him. Any number of things might still go wrong. Plus, getting to the hospital itself is hardly enough. It isn’t like Illya will magically be healed simply by virtue of being in the building. 

Please, he lets himself think, addressing no one and nothing in particular. Let us have time. 

His hand is still wrapped around Illya’s hand, and he’s squeezing every few seconds to make sure Illya’s still there. He gets weak squeezes in return, tappings of fingers, but they’re less and less sure every time. 

The hospital jumps into view as Gaby careens around a corner. Napoleon jostles Illya, directs his attention out the window so he knows what’s coming. 

Twenty-four minutes, six seconds. 

They screech to a halt outside the emergency entrance. Before Gaby’s gotten out of gear, Napoleon’s already half out of the car, pulling Illya along behind him. 

The next few minutes pass in a chaotic haze. Half dragging Illya into the hospital, Gaby hot on his heels. The frantic search for help, a doctor running up, “English?,” frantic explanations, reassurances, Illya being whisked away. 

And then it’s just them, standing in a waiting room with several Portuguese people eyeing them with a combination of confusion and interest. 

They both sort of collapse into each other. The clock in Napoleon’s head has gone silent in the chaos and without it he feels off-kilter, like he is missing something important. 

Gaby is thinking for the first time since she’d slid behind the wheel. Thoughts enter her mind too quickly to be processed in any semblance of order, emotions crashing over her in force. 

She’s shaking, she realizes, leaning into Napoleon. Or maybe it’s him. 

--

They wait. The doctor comes back out, and Napoleon has to forcibly restrain Gaby from jumping at him when he says he can’t say anything definite yet. She’s shaking, he thinks. It might be him, though. 

Finally, they’re given information. Illya is fine. No permanent damage. He needs rest, and they want to keep him for the night, for observation. 

They both start protesting at once. They can care for him. It’s what they do. And they should get out of here as soon as possible. Who knows how long it’ll take for someone to track them down, or to realize they’re not who they say they are. 

The nurse who’d delivered this information puts his hands up in surrender. They both slow down, turning to each other for mutual confirmation, comfort. 

Their evacuation will arrive in about an hour, Napoleon realizes, looking at his watch. They can contact the medical team, let them communicate with the hospital staff. 

He goes out to the car to relay this decision—well, technically it’s a suggestion, but he knows Waverly will agree. He finds it very illegally parked in much the same spot as they originally stopped in, which does not surprise him in the slightest. 

He pulls the car into an actual parking space, then calls up Waverly. He agrees, just as Napoleon had known he would. 

Back inside, Gaby sits in a chair beside Illya’s still, silent form. She’d been able to persuade the nurse to let her see him, and she isn’t sure what she’d been expecting. 

Not this. Illya is so small and pale lying in the hospital bed, IV in his arm, eyes closed. She wants him to wake up, to pull the needle from his skin, swing his long legs out from under the sheets and walk out the door as if nothing at all is the matter. 

Except he’d nearly died. That’s what the nurse had told her. Nearly died. 

But he hadn’t. He’s alive, albeit asleep, hurt, but he’s still here. No lasting damage. 

She slips her hand into his, careful not to jostle the IV. She squeezes, but his hand remains limp. 

Napoleon enters the room a few moments later, and she knows from his expression that Waverly had agreed to their proposal. She watches him take in Illya’s body, sees the pain in his eyes, the relief, the dregs of fear. 

He sits down opposite her and takes up Illya’s other hand, and they wait, the three of them, together.

thanks for reading!! fun fact in an unprecedented and shocking turn of events i have managed to write a substantial amount of fics ahead of time this year (including this one!!) wow ahh ooh

[studentbyday]

30 days of intentionality

starting this challenge with the goal of taking it one day at a time. i have a hard time doing that these days. i spend more time ruminating on the past or worrying about the future than staying in the present, even if that's when i'm most content. not sure how i'll format my posts and most likely, i'll only do weekly updates bc daily ones are too overwhelming. i'll just go with the flow, trying to trust that everything will end up as it's meant to be and maybe i'll be more productive as focusing primarily on the present moment becomes a habit.

---

1. suo gân (arr. john williams for the ambrosian junior choir): i believe that if everyone lived by the idea of global citizenship and so saw the humanity in every individual from every background, there would be no war. reading the news fills me with fear, sorrow, and anxiety, but i also feel the responsibility to stay informed. did some studying today, more than yesterday, but it was kind of uncomfortable with the state of global politics lurking in the back of my mind. i'm still a little behind on school.

2. souvenir de paganini (chopin): today is not so bad. i'm making progress academically, but i do need to make time for social activities soon or i will get lonely and lose what little motivation i have very quickly.

3. once upon a december (arr. emile pandolfi): sometimes in the face of events and issues much bigger than myself that i have no control over, i feel like my dreams are pointless bc i think there's no way achieving them or trying to achieve them could possibly empower me to make real and important change that can truly benefit many. who knows if the future would even allow me to get that far. there are many things that could change the course of our lives that we don't have control over. but if others in worse situations than me and others much better informed than me can still have hope, then so can i. i didn't do much other than pharmacology and a little bit of philosophy today. i made more progress in pharmacology than expected, but that's only bc i didn't do any psych work. i also earned a few more mastery points on khan academy's integrated math 1 (not a priority, i know, but i wanted an easy win) and started lab tasks. i'm far from done with that, i need to do a little every day... i don't want to let them down! 🥺 (note to self: lying in bed is maybe NOT a good study break activity bc that just makes me not wanna do anything else after that and it's very very very hard to get out of that procrastination rut once i let myself fall into it.) 4. let's stay together (al green): everything should be going well, except i'm easily overwhelmed, and this time, it wasn't in an openly frazzled way, it was in a tired and slightly defeated "what's the point?" way, so i didn't realize it as quickly as i usually do. after some bed rest, cuddles 🧸, listening to steve jobs' commencement speech, and a little yoga, i felt better. "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future." was something i didn't know i needed to hear today. i modified my to-do list and found that the list of things i "must do" was nearly as long as the list of things i "want to do" 😅

5. kreutzer sonata, movt. 1 (beethoven): pretty sure i've mentioned some of these songs before but...they really fit the mood! sometimes i feel things so strongly that i develop a tightening in my chest that can only be relieved in a scream... since i can't actually scream and i don't actually really like the physical feeling of it, i scream through exercise and music 😅 beethoven is very nice for when i'm feeling very annoyed or angry, especially if it's an anxious kind of angry or if it's anger at injustice/inequality. i can't find a piano solo version that does the fiery spirit of the violin justice. so in the vague future when i actually play this, either i try (and perhaps fail) to replicate that on the piano, or i find a violinist friend who would want to play with me 😅 right now though, imagining how i would physically create that sound on the piano will have to be enough. the prevailing thought/feeling of the day: sometimes i just really wanna believe in the good in people and believe that i can trust (some of) them. i long for that feeling of safety in a broader irl community that i actually belong in. i'm surprised by how often i long for it. but then my negativity is reinforced by news and people's opinions on it.

6. violin sonata no. 1 in g minor, bwv 1001 (j.s. bach): stuff was done. i felt calm/chill throughout the day, but even tho i feel good whenever that happens, it usually means i don't get an extraordinary amount of things done that day (lol since when do i ever). i'm not sure if it's enough, as there is still lots to do and i'm pretty sure that it's just wishful thinking that i'll achieve all my goals for this week by its end. i need to cut down my goals list to the realistic rather than idealistic version as always (school, lab, and basic self-maintenance tasks) 😅 gaawwwdd i hope i can do this...good night.

7. waltz in a minor, b. 150 (chopin): today and yesterday i have been able to keep my phone time under an hour. the days are blissful (if not at least calmer) and focused. 📚

8. only mine (laufey): cuddles in bed while listening to laufey is so soothing 🧸 takes me back to my childhood listening to lullabies in the dark 🥺 motivation to study is hard to find today. i just want to relax 🥺 i'll just do one tiny thing and see where i wanna go from there...

[hournites]

JSA #1 Outtake

Note: This is the start of a series of oneshots exploring Rick and Beth’s dynamic in Jeff Lemire’s new JSA run. Meaning, Rick, Beth, Jennie, Todd and Yolanda are adult members while Courtney and Jakeem are still teens.

~.~

It’d been a few months. 

Beth was…doing okay. She’d never been excellent with personal change, only others’ crises. No one expected her to thrive through this. And, at one point, a crisis was no longer one. 

She wrestled with this second chance at life. Sometimes quietly, looking a moment too long at her reflection, feeling cosmically misplaced. Other times, this chasm felt too loud. Nightmares that woke her with cold sweats and screams. Unexplained shortness with her patients, especially the self-sacrificial ones not understanding they took their lives for granted. Beth was always at war with the unfair guilt that lingered in the back of her mind.

The JSA replaced her with a student she used to know. Her parents grew bitter and old. Old enough to be buried in the same plot she vanished from. Her brothers grew apart without their sister. Matthew wasted away to heroin abuse while Mark succumbed to his weak heart. Luke blew up in the army. And young John…John’s demise was too painful to think about. His story was just a blot of ink on a faded Orangeburg newspaper. 

Her family deserved to be grieved by her. All of them. But how could she? She’d barely begun to grieve her old self. 

Yolanda understood, though. And that was a blessing. Truly, a miracle. Who of death’s few victors could say they were brought back not alone? Another person who felt it all and truly got it. A companion who carried the same double-edged sword in her back pocket, cycling between euphoric joie de vivre and crippling bouts of existential depression. 

Desire comforted her on days that felt like too much. Like pauses to blink back tears of gratitude over the simple pleasure of the sun shining on her face again. There were even days she forgot she wasn’t supposed to be alive. Hopefully, somehow, that feeling might stick. 

As long as evil’s handprint still held onto the world, there would be a place for her at work. Maybe that’s what held Beth and Yolanda together for so long. Their deaths might’ve felt senseless, but their extended lives were purposeful. Yolanda’s renewed sense of justice was staggering, always near ravenous for a fight. 

As for Beth, New York needed a meta-specialist. 

Shift work always suited her. Weeks blurred by. JSA’s roster required her assistance. Jen practically begged Beth to return to medicine and mentoring as soon as they’d cleared her fit to return. The older members must’ve exaggerated her bedside manner because even Superman brought his son to her clinic’s door. 

Beth learned to adapt, not day to day but disaster to disaster. That might not be any better than Yolanda’s fight-first, feel-later attitude, but it’s what worked so far. 

~.~ 

Jakeem’s heart monitor beeped steadily, reassuring Beth she had not yet failed him. The goggles illuminated what she already knew for certain by touch and feel; his weak body swimming in adult-sized sheets and the pallor in his face mentioned by every visitor. It troubled Beth enough as a friend and a teammate, nevermind his doctor. She couldn’t lose Jakeem. He reminded her too much of John.

“He looks better than yesterday.”

Beth tensed, clipboard tight in hand. It didn’t take a backwards glance or fancy goggles to guess who that was. She knew that voice anywhere. Even now. Older, deeper, more self-assured. He leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed, observing her work in a tee with jeans and that old hourglass slung around his neck. He was the man she’d avoided as much as she could. The one Jen placed beside her at the round table as though that might help her.

“I took a peek when you were having lunch,” he filled in, addressing the elephant in the room. Not only that she hadn’t seen him in her med lab the day before—She’d never seen him here, ever. She wondered how often he had been in, and why. If this room was a joy or a ghost. Technology and medicine has changed since she last worked here. The world had changed…Rick had earned his edges. Somber, serious. No longer young. Beth, where was she? Still floundering, still adjusting, still wearing the goggles like a mask. 

Sometimes, when she needed a break, she’d find a wall and let her legs give out, just like old hospital days before the explosion. The break-room. A closet. Dr. McNider’s office. A stall in the bathroom. For a bleak desperate minute to catch her breath or sleep between crises. Now, that wasn’t enough. More times than not Beth found her face tipped towards fluorescent hospital lights, sliding the green goggles from her eyes, and numbing out three more working senses. That’s when her fingers would crawl up her neck, making sense of the impossible and searching for the scar that should be there, would be there, if she still lived in a grave.

Rick’s solid frame filled the leather seat beside the cot. He held the boy’s hand like he loved him.

Dread sunk into Beth’s stomach, coming back to herself. She let the fingertips at her neck slide to her side as though they were never there. Of course Rick loved Jakeem. The boy’s health was what brought him here to her clinic, breaking their unspoken agreement. Jakeem didn’t have parents to look after him like Stargirl did. Without the JSA, he’d be here alone.

“Well, he’s not improving. And if he dies, it’ll be my fault.”

“He won’t die,” Rick said. They might’ve been the harshest words he’d said to her in nearly ten years. Beth welcomed it—She’d rather this over indifference. 

“How do you know?” 

“You’d never let that happen.” 

Jen pretty much said the same, but Rick’s assurance brought on a thicker wave of anxiety. How many times had she brought Rick back from the brink of death? Too many to count. Too many nights she’d spent debating with herself about how to keep him both sane and healthy. Strong and independent from the drug his dad’s parting wish was to save him from. 

“You have a lot of nerve saying that to me.”

“What?” 

“You know.” Beth swallowed hard. It was never supposed to come out like this. Certainly not in this accusing-tone she’s whipped up as that haunting horror creeped up again. Cruel was how it felt to find out through old pictures. Beth roaming the brownstone, catching up on old JSA team composites. She’d walked along the framed pictures in the grand hall and sought out his face in the crowd. Not on purpose but by habit. The year before she died, when his arm wrapped around her waist and Yolanda’s claw tips touched his shoulder. The year after, his eyes sunken and mouth tight, no smile, only a third of the equation with both women missing on each side. The year next came after, the photograph glossy in mahogany and Beth convinced her eyes played a terrible trick. Rick stood, almost skeletal, leaning against the round table, weakened. The next year Rick was gone altogether. Hourman’s name off the membership list. “I have your oncologist’s file.” 

“Oh,” he said. He glanced at her, finally pulling his eyes from Jakeem. “Wait, what? No. You don’t think…” When she didn’t give him words, he shook his head hard. “Beth, that wasn’t your fault.” 

“Wasn’t it?” she asked lightly. “I don’t recall anyone else supplying you with untested drug patches.”

“I don’t recall anyone else being as adamant to me that I was an addict,” he argued, almost sarcastic. “I was responsible for my own cancer.”

“God. Don’t say that.” Beth bit out, turning from him. Her parents would’ve blanched at her using the Lord’s name in vain but she hadn’t felt very close to the Lord these days. “But, I…” 

But you…what? You could have prevented it? Is it your fault he got that sick? That you died before you could help him? Or are you mad there was a chance he could have joined you in the ground? Both of you starting over at the click of Jakeem’s pen… 

“Besides,” he continued gently when her words dried up. “That was a very long time ago.”

“No, not really.” Beth wet her lips. “Not for me.”

Healing was all Beth had to be sure of at the moment. The only real merit for her place and home here was how desperately metahuman medicine was needed. It’s what got her through today and tomorrow. And if she failed this boy and all who loved him she was scared she’d never bounce back. 

“So,” she said at last. “I think we can agree to disagree that I’m no miracle-worker.” 

“Fine.” Rick took Jakeem’s hands in his again. Gripping the boy like a lifeline. Beth set the clipboard down and pressed her knuckles against Jakeem’s bed. Finally, she let herself look at Rick. Really look at him beyond a clinical manner. Fit, healthy, and bodily strong. Distracting. She wouldn’t let her eyes linger before. Not in front of Jesse or their friends. She’d never forgive herself if she gave Jesse real reason for worry. So she missed the not-quite-right eyes and the heavy bags beneath them. The foot that tapped too restlessly on the floor without Miraclo in his bloodstream.

“Why are you here, Rick?”

“I don’t know.” He wrung his hands. “Can’t I just be allowed to sit?”

Courtney bustled in, cupping a hand over the left side of her face, dressed in a grey hoodie over her Stargirl suit. She shrugged her school bag off her shoulder, dumping it at the door of the clinic. The cosmic staff warbled in her free hand. “Hey Dr. Mid-Nite, can you look in my ear? It’s been bugging me all day. Mom thinks I have an infection and doesn’t want me anywhere near my sister until I can get that ruled out. Something about daycare rules.” Rick shared a long sideways glance with Beth as Courtney hopped onto the examination table.

“Hey Rick,” she said. “How’s Jakeem?” 

“Still hanging in there,” he said, softening for the teen. 

“That’s good. Have you been here long?” 

“A bit.” 

Glad for the excuse, Beth pulled on her latex gloves and grabbed the otoscope. “Rick was just leaving.”

Courtney glanced between Rick and Beth, watching closely. Honestly, Beth was screwed if even a teenager could grasp her discomfort. “I’ve never seen you two hang out before.” 

“Hang out?” Rick laughed a little under his breath and stood up to go. “We’ve been doing that since before you were even born.” 

“Have a good evening, Rick.” She tilted Courtney’s face to the left, letting her long hair block the view to the door. Hmm…She felt a little warm. 

“It’s okay, you know,” Courtney said, still perched on the wax paper while Beth sat at her desk, writing out a prescription for antibiotics. “To let him in.” She pinched her thumb and forefinger together. “Just a bit?” 

Beth raised an eyebrow. “Pardon?” 

“I can’t say I’d know how to act in your shoes, either. It must be really hard.” 

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about, Courtney.” 

The teen leaned back against the med cot, sighing at the ceiling. “Jakeem asked Rick about it last week before Kobra. Apparently, Rick misses you. He just wants to be friends again. ” 

“It’s not that simple.” Beth scoffed as a telling flush threatened to spread. Was her rollercoaster life the topic of all the teens’ gossip? “Jakeem is known to be a romantic of sorts, isn’t he? 

“Well, sure. But I don’t think he was wrong about this. Why can’t you two be friends?”

“We are friends.”

Courtney crossed her arms over her chest. “You kicked him out of the room.”

 “To examine a patient.” 

The girl stared at her, unsatisfied–Beth folded. 

“We’re just…There are boundaries, Courtney. I’m still lost in the past, not caught up with the present. I need space, especially where and when I work. That’s all.”

“So how do you expect to get over him, then? If you’ll never talk about it?” 

Tired, Beth snapped her fingers for Courtney to jump down, lucky she liked this girl enough not to raise her voice at her. “You have a fever, Miss Stargirl.” She picked up the backpack and handed over the slip of paper. “I think it’s time to go home.”

[tauforged]

time for a reef tank update !!! not the most glamorous shot but i’ve got a lot on my plate today so it’s what you’re getting lol

everything is going smoothly so far !!

finally set up the dosing pumps yesterday! current daily supplement regime is 1ml each of brightwell aquatics’ NanoCode A+B (staggered to prevent precipitation as they react with eachother), 1ml of brightwell KoralColor, and 5ml daily of a 1:1 mix of brightwell’s ZooPlanktos-M and PhytoChrom plankton suspensions, with the dose spread out equally over the entire 24hr period. ideally i would have done less, but this pump system has a minimum dose amount that i had to work around, and it’s all in such small increments that i doubt it will contribute too much to the bioload. these are the same supplement volumes i’ve been using before, but now dosed at a specific time each day and measured out by the pump rather than by me eyeballing with a grad cylinder ^^; going to see how alkalinity/calcium/magnesium levels shake out after a few days of the new setup and then modify from there. I’m also still manually dosing brightwell Restor (had to choose between this and the koralcolor as the dosing pump system only has four bottles, i’ve only got 2/3rds of my 250ml bottle of restor left as the koralcolor was a more recent purchase) and red sea reef energy AB+ (needs to be refrigerated, so wouldn’t work with the dosing pump), and i’ve got bottles of brightwell borochrom, liquid reef, and coralline accelerator that i bought back when i first started the tank up to cover all my bases but haven’t played with yet as i’ve been trying to take things slow on the dosing front. the borochrom i likely won’t be touching until i can find a boron testing kit that’s at least somewhat reliable before i do anything with it since it’s not something we have the capacity to test for in the lab at work.

corals are all overall looking good! the grinch porites has been looking a tad pale lately and might benefit from relocation, but i just did a water change yesterday so i’ll leave it be for now to see if that helps it perk up any… my other sps (rainbow pocillopora) is doing fantastic so i don’t think it’s water chemistry related, could be light/flow or nutrients. this frag gets covered in brown film algae despite my best efforts on a regular basis, so that probably isn’t helping -_-

the aiptasia on the pink bloomer zoa frag came back once again, so while i had the pump and heater shut off for the water change yesterday i blasted them with some aiptasia-x again. it was all gone by this morning, you can still see a little bit of white residue but i caught the shrimps picking at it last night ? so maybe they cleaned it up because i applied it very liberally. this frag has been thru the wringer and has had aips on it for the entire time, even after a really strong peroxide dip for GHA and physically scraping off all the anemones i could get to with a toothpick and blasting the remnants off with tap water in the sink immediately after, they just keep coming back… the good news is that the zoas are equally hardy. they seem mostly unbothered by the aips, but they were starting to get big enough to sting my purple death palys and that little baby disco mushroom so they had to go.

no pics, but i did finally lose that enchanted finger sinularia… it was never especially robust the entire time i’ve had it, but it never showed any signs of dying either. woke up a couple days ago to it gray and decaying, though, so i siphoned out everything i could get and the rest of the frag got chucked. bit of a shame, but i was honestly never a huge fan of it, mostly because of how sickly it always looked — i miss my toxic green capnella and the blue cespitularia that i lost during the major tank crash much much more :(

i’ve got another order in the works though — still in talks with ASD about the inverts, i’d tried to get some anemone shrimp as well but they had some issues so we’re waiting on them to get more livestock in. got my corals locked in in the meantime, though! aside from a handful of zoas still on my wishlist, this will probably be it for frags unless something major happens. or i finally snap and set up another tank. we’ll see…

[sirianasims]

Chapter 32

Never Grow Up

Less than a year later, Samuel and I were married.

The wedding was everything I’d dreamed of. I’m sure our parents would happily have paid for an enormous wedding if we’d asked them to. But that wasn’t our style.

All I wanted was a small, intimate affair with our closest friends and family while I said ‘I do’ to the love of my life. We rented the Myshuno Observatory. It almost felt like my grandma Cora was with us in spirit.

Even Charlie showed up. I knew it meant a lot to Samuel, although his brother couldn’t stay for long.

At least he was there for the ceremony, and he came over to congratulate us afterwards.

He said he had a flight to catch, his band was on tour at the moment. I suspected that he was also trying to avoid talking to Colten and Kailani.

I wondered if Charlie actually preferred his solitude, or if he secretly wanted to be a bigger part of his family than he was.

I was grateful that I got along with my own family, especially my sister Grace. I couldn’t believe that she would be starting high school after the summer, it felt like yesterday that I’d taught her how to cross the monkey bars in our backyard.

By the time Grace and I headed inside for the reception, Charlie was gone and Kailani was talking to Jessica. Jessica had volunteered to do the decorations, beautiful blush-coloured roses everywhere, my favourite.

We kept the wedding alcohol-free for my dad, and Griffin and Daria had offered to do all the food for us as a wedding gift. It was impressive, the entire menu was vegan since Griffin had also stopped eating meat after his first visit to the cadaver lab during medical training. I didn’t blame him, it sounded horrific. Samuel hadn’t seemed as bothered.

Over by the cake, Conrad was making my dad and Cecilia crack up with outrageous anecdotes. It was strange to see my parents interact with each other. It had happened before, of course, they had celebrated my birthday together a few times when I was younger, but I couldn’t remember if they had been in the same room since my mom and Conrad moved to Del Sol Valley.

Looking at the four of them now, it was impossible to tell that things had ever been bad between my parents. Still, I couldn’t imagine two people less likely to work out. They both had a certain desperation to them, and they both needed someone to temper them, not stoke the flames.

Conrad, with his extravagant approach to life, gave my mother a safe outlet, a way to release all that intensity so she didn’t blow up.

Cecilia, kind but unwavering, calmed my father down and turned his particular brand of chaos into something less destructive.

But who was I?

Was I like my dad, prone to holding on in an attempt to do the right thing until I finally self-destructed?

Or was I more like my mother, desperately trying to make people love me until I gave up and left them in the dust?

I needed to do better than both of them. I wanted everything to work out. I shook my head lightly, trying to chase away the dark thoughts. This was my wedding day, why was I only thinking about disaster?

I went to find Samuel. He pulled me close and kissed me.

This was what I needed. My husband.

Samuel would temper me, like Conrad and Cecilia tempered my parents.

We would be fine.

By the time we were back in our bed that night, I was both exhausted and deliriously happy.

I took Samuel’s hand, marvelling at the ring on his finger.

“I can’t believe we’re actually married.”

He sent me a mischievous smile.

“Me neither. But you better let go of my hand. I need it for something.”

I was glad that we’d had some practice over the last year, otherwise I might have chickened out of my wedding night completely.

Samuel was gentle, always making sure that I was satisfied.

A small part of me wished he’d be a little less restrained, that he would lose himself in it, the same way he made me lose myself, but it was still good.

beginning / previous / next

[mdhwrites]

I believe Vee was created because the writers didn’t want to explore Camilia worrying and grieving over possibly losing Luz, the only family she had left. We didn’t witness Camilia spend months wondering what happened to her daughter since Vee pretended to be her. Even after Camilia discovered she wasn’t her child, she kept her and formed a familial relationship. Another issue is that Luz didn’t have any questions surrounding her disappearance, nor did she have to repeat a grade since Vee had taken her place, leaving others none the wiser. Vee was a copout by the writers, who didn’t want to have Luz face consequences for going missing.

Here's my rebuttal: What place did that have in this story?

Especially by the time of Yesterday's Lie, TOH is still a kid's show. It's still the story of a girl escaping to a fantasy realm and getting to live the dream of being a witch that she always wanted. While S2B will get more dramatic, it never gets truly dark frankly. All of its water works are pretty basic and bare bones for the fantasy genre frankly. I mean, the darkest it gets is "I'm a clone and Belos has murdered me untold amounts of times" and they don't explore that either because that'd mean following through on the plot point and one dark plot point does not a drama make. It's part of why the fandom constantly shouting trauma never rang true because these are the first actually bad things to ever happen to these characters and they never respond quite properly to them.

All that you want is befitting for a genuinely dramatic story. One that is trying to face the consequences of EVERYTHING. It'd actually be a really bad, really brutal gut punch to a story that is already exploring the genuine effects of being an isekai protagonist, already exploring how much that would already suck, and that's the exact OPPOSITE of what TOH was interested in doing. It never properly faces consequences for anything that happens in the show and actively shoots possible consequences in the face much of the time so they can move on to the next moment the writers actually care about.

Instead, Vee is a genuinely brilliant work around the problems of the isekai genre while not pretending they just don't exist. Does she fully function? Not entirely, you still have to suspend your disbelief that this lab grown creation who never had any schooling or social interactions can FUNCTION in society but that's pretty normal suspension of disbelief for this sort of thing frankly. It would have started straining more if they'd gotten a full S3 and so actually had to spend time with Vee and dealing with the twin identities but at this point I hope I've pointed out enough in the rest of my blogs that this show just wouldn't properly explore any of that really. We'd maybe get one episode that ends up on Luz's side in the end and that'd be it.

But as I've talked before with Vee, her main goal wasn't even just to wave away tonal issues. She was meant to directly be able to show that Luz could have had friends. Could have been happy. That, as Vee states, "She had it good." Which, you know, was a GIANT mistake since they never backed up Luz being bullied or an outcast or having social anxiety or anything like that so it just makes Luz like a lying bitch and recontextualizes her entire introduction in terrible ways. It WAS the intended goal with Vee though to do that.

That's honestly part of the tragedy of TOH and why it's hard to defend the writers as writers. There's almost ALWAYS an explicit point to most of the elements included in the story for a short term gain or statement but there's no thought to the overall effect of it. It could NEVER have been serialized because these writers don't think about the big picture. Instead, they sloppily put together a Jenga tower and the longer the game goes on...

Well, eventually a good base is eroded until it all comes crashing down.

[clunelover]

Had a great experience at the doctor yesterday. I feel like I continue to have "exception that proves the rule" good medical care from women doctors (and that one very nice male urologist recently!) who don’t dismiss me or tell me I must lose weight.

I asked about getting my hormones checked to see whether I’m getting into perimenopause, and the doctor said the main thing they’d check is FSH, and that that as well as estrogen are up and down lots over the course of a month but also day to day, and so she was willing to add the test to my labs but said it would be not so much prescriptive as "academic" so I said okay yeah let’s skip it, cause basically whatever the result is I’ll just perseverate.

I also asked about my very flip floppy feelings on those weight loss shots and whether she thought I should be made to take them (basically where I’m at right now, is this joke I saw made by Jenna Kim Jones, my favorite Mormon comedian: "I don’t want to go on ozempic to lose weight. I’d prefer to lose weight the old fashioned way - by getting diabetes and being forced to go on Ozempic.") The doctor was very "meh" on it - "they’re great for diabetes, people also lose weight on them, but a lot of people don’t realize these are lifetime meds, and I don’t feel like you need to get on them just due to weight."

The nurse was also cool, she and I were talking kid stuff, and I asked her how many kids she had and she said five. I was like "oh wow! Five! Cool!" And she was like "yep, five kids - I was like, ‘oh, I’m gonna have to say the number, and then…’" and she wasn’t like mad at how I’d reacted, because I mostly was positive, but that first "oh wow!" was definitely said with surprise, and I was just thinking, wow that must be kind of challenging, like you can’t even say what number of kids you have without someone having some kind of reaction. And then she told me her youngest is four months old, and five years younger than her next youngest kid - so she is clearly in the stage of still adjusting to what happens when you say "I have five kids" since that’s only recently true. I like thinking about stuff like that.

I mean I guess that’s true for almost any number of kids…of course, comments abound for no kid people. If you have one, you’ll get asked when you’re having another/what do you think about raising an only child. Me with two is I think the main one you get no comments on…especially since I have one of each (to the naked eye) gender - that seems to be the Correct arrangement to a lot of people’s minds. I’ve certainly known people who, if they’ve already had a boy and a girl, get puzzled comments when they have a third. Or, if they have two of one gender, "don’t you want to try for [other gender]?" People are weird and women just can’t win, is what I’m taking from that!

[awaitingfall]

07.22.24

136.4

Crazy how it only took me 3 days to gain back the same amount of weight that took me 2 weeks to lose 😮‍💨 I really shouldn’t have smoked yesterday cuz I instantly got the munchies and started eating too late into the afternoon. I also ate almost an entire package of Tate’s cookies on our picnic we went on yesterday, AND my bf talked me into getting gelato on Saturday and we both ate too much of that 😭 I gotta be better on my period. I even told myself I’d regret all these choices when the day to finally weigh again came, but then I told myself “it’s the last day before I start my routine again, I deserve a treat” 🥲 I wish I had thought harder about the consequences.

So now my goal for this week is to get back to 133, and then if that goal is reached, my next goal will be 131 by the end of next week. AND THEN HOPEFULLY by the end of August/beginning of September I’ll be somewhere in the mid-120’s 🤞🏻

I had called out sick from work this past Thursday and the other girls ended up having to leave early anyways because there wasn’t enough work to do, I’m hoping there will be something for us to do today. OH! Speaking of work, I went to the mall on Friday with my mom to help her pick out a new pair of glasses and I mentioned to the girl that was helping us that I used to be the lab tech at the other glasses place in the mall and she offered me part-time work there cuz she ended up being the sales manager. I thought at first she was just saying that to be nice, but then she said it again as we were leaving. So that’s really cool I have a back up/side gig option if I feel like money is getting a little tight. I do miss working closer to home, but if I quit my current job that I really wanted to get back, then I’d only be working part-time and that definitely wouldn’t be enough money coming in. Maybe I can see about working part-time in the winter? Friday-Sunday, especially since I don’t do anything on the weekends in the winter time. I’ll just hustle a little to save up for a house and a trip to Japan (finally) 😌

My bf and I have been considering moving to Japan temporarily, especially with the way the US been actin’ up lately. He at least has some sort of an in, though, cuz the company he works for is a Sake brewery with their main headquarters in Japan, so he could tell them he’s interested in working for the main brewery and spending time there and they’d probably send him in a heartbeat. They like that shit. One of their requirements for the job was to be interested in Japan and Japanese culture. So they’d probably be so excited to hear that one of the American employees wants to experience life over there. Only thing is, idk if they’d also send me. I highly doubt it, so I’d have to come up with my own visa. I could get a student visa. I’ve been trying to learn Japanese since 2016 when I took elementary Japanese in college, but it’s been a struggle trying to self study since then. I know basics, but the speaking part is difficult for me because I have no one to practice with so I stutter and take way too long to think of the sentences before I try to speak. Just doesn’t flow naturally. So studying in Japan would be a great opportunity to get better. Only problem is I wouldn’t be bringing in any money 🥲 so idk. Plus we have our cat that we need to consider cuz I also don’t want to put her under so much stress traveling so far and long like that. Plus they have that animal quarantine and all her documents have to be sent over super far in advance. So yeah, it’s just a lot to take care of. It wouldn’t be as stressful if we didn’t have her, but our life wouldn’t be the same without her so I’m, grateful for my Chichi baby 🥹💕

(I can hear my bf playing one of those YouTube live Coffee shop jazz videos upstairs while he’s drinking his morning coffee lol he used to make fun of me for playing that as background noise in the morning, but he’s come to enjoy it now)

Okay! Today will be a great day! I already started on the right path by waking up at 5, then meditating, exercising, showering, and journaling. Now I’ve gotta feed my cat, feed myself, and get ready for a good day at work 😤

[your-queer-dad]

Hi dad!

I was wondering if I could get some advice? I’m in college (a 2nd semester junior transmasc), and I feel like I don’t really have any close friends. I have a lot of friends on campus, in clubs I’m in, in my classes, my coworkers, but none of them are like very close, close. Like we’re never together outside of class, or work, or rehearsal, etc. I’m alone most of the time, and I feel like I just don’t even know how to start making closer and deeper friendships. I’ve been pretty depressed this semester and I am sad thinking I’m going to graduate so soon, and it feels like I haven’t done any of the “stereotypical college shit,” if you know what I mean? I was homeschooled, was basically abused in ballet schools in high school (lol they treated us so badly), didn’t have any friends in high school and really struggled with my mental health then. I think I’m generally pretty friendly and I like being extroverted, I’ve discovered, but like it feels like there’s some sort of wall preventing me from going further with my friendships. I think being trans also makes me feel pretty isolated, even tho a lot of my friends are queer and trans. Yesterday, I got back to my dorm after classes and working in the research lab I’m an undergrad in, and I just wanted to spend time away from my schoolwork and research. None of my friends were available/responded to me id they wanted to hang out, one of my friends I was hanging out with earlier this semester has been blowing me off because they’re hooking up with this girl and they’re together a lot. I decided to take a little walk around campus to see if maybe I’d run into someone or see something interesting, or many go get a drink or something, but then I just saw everyone else hanging out with their friends and I got even more upset that I’m literally always alone, so I went back to my dorm and just cried and cried. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I want to have close friendships but it feels like I wasn’t good at it when I was in elementary school (I was in public school for that, homeschooled for middle and high school), I didn’t have any friends in middle or high school, was also bullied in middle school at my old dance studio, and god I just feels like it’s repeating again. I’m sick of being alone. I also think I’ve been pretty depressed this semester, I am losing interest in things I usually like, I want to pick up a new hobby or something because everything I usually like just isn’t doing it for me - but like I’m so busy I have no idea how I would even begin fitting that into my schedule. :( i also got injured this semester and so I haven’t been able to dance and do weightlifting like usual and that’s been majorly throwing me off too. I just feel a bit lost and I’m sad that I’m so close to graduation and it feels like I’ve wasted me time in undergrad and have been prioritizing my academics and research too much, I don’t know :(

Do you have any advice on what to do? I’m so tired of being always alone :(

And I’m so sorry this is so long, I really don’t have anyone else to talk to :(

Hey kiddo! Thank you for reaching out, it sounds like a really tough situation and I'll do the best I can to help out.

Honestly, I completely understand where you're coming from. Making friends is hard, especially deep close friendships. And my honest answer is it takes time, and work and a lot of energy.

But the first step is truly just being yourself. I know it's so overplayed and cheesy, I'm sorry. But doing things that you want to do, talking to new people and accepting opportunities to meet people- basically just putting yourself out there- the right people will come.

Keep doing what you like do, and speak to new people, especially people with similar interests to you. Good friendships take time, as annoying as it is- but you will find the right people for you I promise. And until then, you're more than welcome to reach out to me anytime you need to chat!

I'm so proud of you kiddo, and I'm here for you night or day

- dad x

[1358456]

Short - Memento

Gold is reminiscing about his past and Crystal is curious.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gold stood by the sea in the eastern end of New Bark Town, staring silently into the distance. The constant crashing waves helped in making him lose himself in his memories, and as a result, he failed to notice that someone had walked up next to him.

Crystal looked at him for a while, and crossed her arms when she noticed that he didn’t even notice her presence. She waited a bit longer, wondering what he was doing here, standing like a statue, before waving a hand in front of his face.

“Hello? You in there?”

Gold blinked a few times and glanced over at her. “Oh. Hi, Crys,” he said oddly quietly.

“… What are you doing here?” Crystal asked.

“I’m just… reminiscing,” he answered, sounding oddly sad.

Crystal frowned a bit, finding his unusual melancholy rather unsettling. “… About what?”

Gold pointed ahead into the sea. “There’s a tiny rock sticking out of the water over there. And a long time ago, my friend and I would play in the water all the time, with the goal of reaching that rock one day.”

Crystal glanced at the water but didn't see anything. “Hmm… I guess the water is calm enough for kids, but swimming into deep water is still very dangerous…” She smiled a bit, feeling the need to cheer him up. “Still though, you had a childhood friend, huh? I never knew that.”

“Yeah. She wanted to be a lab assistant, and maybe become a professor herself. Crazy goal for a kid.”

“… Oh. A childhood girl friend, huh,” she remarked, narrowing her eyes a bit.

Gold stared into the water. “She was always kind of driven. Like you, in a way. And she always wanted to conquer that rock. You probably would’ve liked her.”

“Where is this old girlfriend of yours? I’ve never seen her around here.”

“… She’s not here anymore, Crys. She hasn’t been for many years.”

Crystal faintly gasped in shock and fell silent as she watched the waters. Kids playing in the sea, trying to reach a rock in the distance… She had thought that Gold was just reminiscing fond childhood memories, and not memories of a lost childhood friend.

“… I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

Gold let out a sigh. “In the end, she never managed to reach that rock. Yesterday, during the thunderstorm, a few Water type Pokémon got into a fight and they ended up destroying it. I have Politaro searching for its pieces right now.”

‘And that’s why he’s standing out here, sounding so sad,’ Crystal thought. ‘He just lost the memento of his lost childhood friend. And he wants to find even just a piece of that memento…’

Gold stuffed his hands into his pockets. “A damn shame. Especially since she’s coming to visit next month.”

‘… Huh?’ Crystal blinked and faced him again. “… What?”

“Yeah. She’s coming to Johto for a seminar of sorts, and she said she was going to swing by for old times’ sake. But that rock is gone, so… damn.”

“Um… what?! I thought you said she was gone!” Crystal shouted in shock.

Gold looked over at her, wondering why she was reacting like this. “Uh… yeah? She moved to Unova like 15 years ago.”

Crystal’s eye twitched as she stared at him in disbelief. She promptly kicked him in the leg. “You jerk! I thought she drowned or something!”

“Hey, ow! I never said that she died! I just said that she wasn’t in New Bark Town anymore!” Gold watched her storm off fuming and rubbed his leg where she had kicked. “Sheesh. What’s gotten into her?”

[russianstudyblr]

Week 7 Overview

Happy Saturday! I forgot to make this post yesterday lol. Week 7 was good. The further I get into the course, the more I start noticing patterns in what is more difficult for me, and what I need to study and when. I think I have a good study routine going on but I’m not sure if I should adjust it to learn some grammar ahead of time so that I don't get stressed when we learn grammar for the first time in class (I don’t get THAT stressed, and I eventually get the hang of it as the class day goes by) or if I should just continue taking the L. It’s not that much of an L anyway, so I think I’ll stick to prioritizing learning vocab ahead of time. 

Week 7 successes: 

Technically a week 6 success, but we didn’t find out our grades til Thursday-- I got a 90.84% on the reading portion of my Module 1 exam, and a 92.08% on the listening portion!

Got a 96.25% on the lesson 11 vocab/grammar quiz! 

Things I need to work on: 

So, my entire school career, from early elementary school all the way til college, I was very much a daydreamy doesn’t-pay-attention kid. It hasn’t really been that way in this Russian course so far since it’s something I enjoy and extremely mentally engaging/stimulating, but my losing-focus tendencies have been threatening to resurface recently. Especially with one professor in particular because she talks very slowly and quietly. So I need to keep that at bay. 

We have this one project. A partner presentation about a topic we had to choose from a list they gave us. My partner and I chose Geography and Geopolitics of Belarus. A lot of it is interesting, but other parts... I just. I have zero interest in world politics or politics in general. I love stuff like this when it’s about the culture, the ancient history, the physical land, stuff like that, but the moment it gets to stuff like diplomacy and international conflicts/relations and any sort of politics, it’s just UUUGH it’s so BORING to me. And that’s mainly what this presentation is supposed to be about lol. So that’s been something. 

My plans for the weekend: 

Study lesson 12 vocab, commit it all to memory.

Study lesson 12 grammar and reinforce lesson 11 grammar, commit it all to memory. I’ll write sentences with specific grammar concepts in a notebook to cement the patterns in my head, and probably make more sentences to tape around my room so I can read them in context.

Start Duolingo again lol, I think it would mainly make for good Russian typing practice at this point.

Do all the textbook/lab exercises we didn’t finish in class. 

Here’s to a good week 8!!!