#especially if you come from a background of childhood trauma

[illiana-mystery]

Professor Charles Taylor, Fireflies in the Garden (2008)

[timkontheunsure]

A CBT look at Blitz's core beliefs

Boring explanationy bit

Ok first off a core belief is this how the world works sort of thought. It has a ton of evidence on it side, or some big life altering event. Acting within is designed to kept you safe. And everyone has good and bad ones.

Think of it as of a short bit of base code running in the background, helping you go with your gut. A quick a short cut, but one that's got a lot of logic and past facts behind it.

They're mostly set up in childhood. So if you have an abusive parent, or trauma, you can get ones that become unhelpful for you in other situations. Like with people that really care about you.

A distortion is a little different. They affect how you look at the wold based off your mood, and are always negative. They specifically don't have a lot of evidence on their side. Like a prism that makes things a little different than what's really there.

They are an action to do based on your mood: catastrophizing (when everybody I love leaves me next year)

Black & white thinking (yes there's all this evidence showing Stolas cares, but that doesn't count as it just sex).

Thought spiraling (this one goes to Moxxie heh)

Or snap judgments based only only how your mood is (Ghostfuckers is fun and sexy, so we should take the case when I know they don't exist).

Blitz's core beliefs

So 'all royals are assholes' and 'no royal will care about an imp' are a core beliefs. Because this is definitely true, the 1% don't give a fig. (Stolas and Ozzie are basically round errors from what we've seen).

"I'm going to die alone" is also one.

So is "I make everyone's lives worse"

But his good ones are: "we don't get rid of family",

Ok with these two good ones we're going to have to go into rules for life. Blitz core belief is about family sticks together and protects each other. That's his code that always wants to run.

But he's also got evidence that family will kick you out for not being good enough, and hurting/killing people on accident. When you get code clashing you get cognitive dissidence, which physically hurts.

So you do a patch to reduce that pain. A rule to live by. 'If X is right and Y is right, then the variable that off is me.'

'We don't get rid of family, but we do get rid of me = I'm the only one who we can get rid of'.

With Loona it's we get orphanage lady saying words that could have come straight out of Cash's mouth. (I want Blitz to get a song telling that git off so hard).

Those hit Blitz hard, so hard he changed his mind on adopting a small little child, to a older teenage. CBT says that when something hits that hard it's because it hit at least 1 core belief. He sees himself in Loona in that moment, and never want another kid to be gotten rid of.

And other one could be bad or good depending on what's around it. 'I will be of use to family/people I love'. Blitz needs to feel useful to the people he loves, especially with growing in a family business working from being a kid.

And the rule Blitz has made for himself between the "I'm going to die alone" + 'I will be of use to family' = 'But maybe if I'm useful they won't abandoned of me yet'

(Also how sad it is that Blitz feels he's only allowed help, and support if it's a tit for tat, favours for favours exchange).

So everyone has a mixed bag of these good and bad. The problem happened when trauma responses give you ones that don't help you in a new situation. Like say a demon prince falling head over heels for him.

The idea of CBT is that if your struggling to look at what's changed since the core beliefs were set up. And if it isn't keeping you safe anymore, then you try to replace the old one with a new one; that has new evidence that backs it up. A update.

Like how Millie shows Blitz concrete examples of him improving her life. Just telling him he hasn't wrecked her life wouldn't work.

(This is one of reasons why Stolas' confection doesn't stick with Blitz. Blitz needs to know reasons why someone like Stolas loves him. It why he asks him in apology tour. Stolas tell your boy why he's so amazing for flips' sake).

Millie shows how joining IMP positively improved her live. "He gave me so much...A career, a husband, a future. And now...He's my best friend."

And Blitz helping Millie through alot of her own negative self talk she had. That 'she's not good enough', 'she's only the muscle', 'that Pride's too fancy for imps', and 'no imp works for them selves'.

These we're all Millie's core beliefs before joining IMP, if she still had these Rolando's words would have hurt her. But through having the support and example of Blitz she's removed those old bits of code.

When see her mum it obvious where and why she has these ideas about herself. Lynn describes her full time job, being employed direct by a company; as "Freelance". Because Imps can't work for themselves. (Even if she is impressed by Blitz). It's like different between working for Uber, instead of taxi firm. No protections, and an unsafe unstable job.

She pulls up her daughter's valid explanation why she lost the fight as "Excuses!", because Millie was "'raised better than that' as the muscle of the team.

She's very against Moxxie for being too week, and not having the same melee skills as Millie.

It obvious that she wants her daughter to have a similar life as her, where she keeps her head down, and has a partner that is able to defend Millie. This because there's a level of safety in this crab bucket attitude. She'd very unlikely to come to the notice of higher-ups. Like how Stolas being very involved in IMP and with Blitz.

But Blitz talked Millie round, and also showed her that she doesn't have to pigeon hole herself like that. She has years of evidence that Blitz could do it, and him pointing out how good she is when she fell back into thinking of herself as just the muscle.

Rolando's trying to exploit vulnerability that she's updated against. (It's super ineffective).

Ok after that sight side tangent of with Millie's head, back to Blitz's.

The "your going to die alone" has become a self-fulfilling prophecy, tripping Blitz up alot. Because it comes twofold for his fear of hurting his loved ones, making their life worse, and his fear of abandonment. Because he was abandoned, that did happen.

Making him feel like he has it to push away the people he love for there own, and that they'll leave him eventually so might as well push them away now. He's got a lot of previous evidence tied to this.

It's going to take more then Fizz and Millie telling him he didn't ruin theirs, for him to start to be able to unpick this. Because he's still certain it's true. Even if he's improved the lives of most of the people he knows.

And even Fizz who were directly effected by the mistake Blitz still punishing himself for, has told him that being made disabled didn't ruin his life.

There's a whole debate in my head whether Barbie would have had such trouble with addiction; if she wasn't assuming/told that her brother started the fire on purpose, that killed their mum. I'm honestly not sure. But it does seem like her resentment over it has made it harder on her. And that all seems to stem from Cash abuse. (I'm sure Cash is the one to tell Blitz that Fizz said he'd die alone).

Ok on to how the these are interacting/fucking up his relationship to Stolas. Blitz is definitely is afraid to love Stolas for a number of reasons. (You knew I'd get there at somepoint right 😛).

Cus a whole load are clashes together for him, making it really difficult for him because about see things from the outside. with the "royal demons don't give a shit about guys like us" one.

Making Blitz rationalize that it's gotta be about the sex, and being of use. Anything that shows this assumption is wrong has to be disregarded with distortion.

But when Stolas takes sex off the table, and still talking about feeling, and relationships; it makes Blitz's fear of abandonment go turbo. It's not rational but it's the only rule Blitz has that might make Stolas keep him.

He feels like that sex is all he has to give to a prince after all. And he wanted Stolas to stay for a long while now. It's not a grimoire his hallucinations put on a golden pedestal after all. And there a a lot of similarity to how Stolas and his Mumma vanish.

(Debøra pør favør pointed out this emotion damage so now you have to suffer too 😭https://x.com/_Choco_torta/status/1859028103772955135)

"I'm going to die alone" and 'I must be of use' Blitz freaks out badly in queen Bee after Ozzie's. Blitz believed that he's be rejected by Stolas, he's been shoved back into the box of it just being about lust.

Because he wants more, but feels he's unworthy, it's got him hurt coming and going. He's got to shut down any attempt by Stolas to have something real. But he was also hurt constantly feeling sex is all that he's got to offer, and all Stolas would want.

"I make everyone's lives worse" and "We don't get get rid of family". Ok this is into theory level but think Master Mind and Sinsmas are going hit these last two harddddd. (We're one week from mastermind).

It looks likely that Stolas is going to lose Via, face punishment for the illegal deal, and be dragged for the affair. With Via swallowing a lot gaslighting about not being loved by Stolas (lines from the trailer).

Blitz will probably going assume it's another another life he's made worse, where he's caused them to lose their own family. Don't think this will play well with last guy he fell in love with he blow up.

It's going to make it much harder for him to remove the idea; that that him loving some will only hurt them.

Alot of the reasons Blitz thought it was ok to get close to Stolas are tied up in these beliefs. He assumes Stolas was powerful and immortal, so couldn't be hurt physically like Fizz or Mumma.

He assumed that a prince would never fall for an imp, so only he could get hurt emotionally. It couldn't end the same way as Verosika. Blitz thinking he's the only one to be able to be hurt, and get to be useful not just to Stolas, but provide a better life for his whole family. It would seem like a bargain. (And the self punishment aspect probably wasn't going be a turn off for him, cus Blitz thinks he deserves it).

This season seems slow be eroding that pedestal Blitz put Stolas on (and vice versa). It's hurts, and it's knocking the stuffing out of both of them; but it's bring Stolas to earth for Blitz. Making his more of a real person in his eyes.

Eh probably a lot way to go, but I'm here for it.

(was very loosely based on this post, because it got me thinking about distortions vs core beliefs. But then I went off on a whole thing, so thought it would be weird to put it as a reblog. Still loved @akirathedramaqueen analysis and would recommend giving it a read 😀)

[kalki-tarot]

Unqiue details about the person on your mind.

This is a general reading and is not guaranteed to be 100% true.

Pick one emoji :)

🌿 🍂 🌻

Pile 01 🌿

They are someone who takes everything seriously, like they are an emotionally sensitive human being and they can't handle "jokes" that demean them or people who make fun of their insecurities.

They cry while watching sad romance movies. 😭

They don't like public attention, they can be an introverted person. Or they just like to keep their achievements to themselves. They don't like public eye because who knows someone may give you an evil eye. 🧿

As I've mentioned in the first point too, they are someone who gets hurt easily, they prefer to be inside their own shell as a mechanism to feel safe. People may have hurted this person a lot with words.

They may have a cold exterior but are definitely very cool on the inside.

They are filled with surprises, evertime you talk to them, you'll find a new thing about them.

They like philosophy, self help, psychology books. They self reflect a lot.

They are a keen observer of people and situations. They have great analytical skills. They know who's bs-ing with whom.

They come from a family/background where they have been emotionally neglected a lot. They don't have a "safe place". They try to understand and validate themselves through reading psychology and self help books.

No matter what, this person is someone very resilient and secure of who they are now.

They are a great humanitarian and they do charity work or they just help people around them financially or emotionally.

They are looking for their soulmate or partner with whom they can share a deep and secure connection with. They are looking for someone long term and are not interested in hook ups etc.

They are very giving in nature and do for others more than for themselves.

Pile 02 🍂

This person likes babies.

They also like slow music and folk music too. They may like listening to Kailash Kher so much.

Their favorite bird is Koyal, idk what you call it in English you can search it online.

They are a traditional person, they value their family and sanskaars.

This person may work with children, can be a pediatrician, child specialist, nanny, caretaker, nursery teacher etc.

This person is a little dramatic, it's like everyone likes them they don't care, but if that one person does not like them, they go mad.

Sorry to say this, but they are a little ungrateful about life.

This person also stays in their mind a lot, they may overthink and create fake scenarios. They can be addicted to being sad ?

They have this tendency to stay stuck in the past, they fear new things, places, people etc. It's hard for to get outside of their comfort zone.

They believe in true love, soulmates etc. And hope to find their own.

It's easy for them to get bored though.

Their past hasn't been the best, they still can't get over their fears and traumas :(

Pile 03 🌻

They like listening to hip hop songs especially the 2000s ones.

This person has a tendency to run away when they feel like things won't go their way.

They may suffer from anxiety or intrusive thoughts.

They may have drinking issues / alcohol abuse is what i see, they get aggressive after drinking.

They may have gambling addictions too.

This person is working hard to overcome these dark obsessions and addictions.

Their father figure had some problems (can be abusive) hence they and their mother suffered a lot in their childhood. Their addictions stem from here.

They may not really like talking about their past sm, it hurts them.

Surprisingly, the song "chupke chupke raat din" is playing and it translates into smth like "I remember crying silently/while hiding."

Very heavy past traumas and issues.

They may show everyone this cool and calm demeanor but from inside they are literally hurting and fighting with themselves. Omg, i feel so sad for this person :(

They may like listening to ghazals a lot.

Bangladesh & Nepal is significant.

They have seen relationships break and turn out worse in their childhood so now they run away or fear commitments and marriage.

Or it can also be that the person they once loved feared marriage or commitment and it made them fall deeper into addictions.

They see marriage as a cage.

This person has emotionally given up on a lot of things in life like career, emotions etc.

They neglect themselves sometimes.

[peachdues]

peach thank you for the compass teasers! I love seeing Sanemi being down horrendously. If you’re okay with sharing, can you give us some insight into the next chapter? No rush queen 🫶🏻♥️

Awww thanks friend!! I can give some idea, sure!

Last chapter was focused on Sanemi x Reader and them finally getting together. Next chapter is a return back to the plot — so more Corps activities. You’ll also see a full hashira meeting and get an idea of some tension among them.

Beyond that, the next chapter also focuses a lot on Sanemi navigating his new relationship — and what that looks like for him. Compass really is a study of Sanemi’s self loathing, so next chapter is also the first time Sanemi begins to open up to Reader about his childhood (ie his mother and his parents in general) and you’ll see how much that trauma has affected him — and dictates how he navigates his relationship with Ms. Bookstore. Especially when it comes to intimacy.

A main point of tension in the story is Sanemi’s efforts to keep his life within the Corps separate from his life with Reader — naturally, the two are going to converge eventually, so that’s all being set up in the background!

Annnnnnd next chapter is setting up for a major death

[beifong-brainrot]

Suyin wasn't "coerced" to commit a crime, neither did she want to take herself out of the situation. She wanted to get her friends out of paying for their crimes because she's spoiled and entitled.

She didn't "have" to travel the world, she was sent to family members to take her away from a criminal and endangering environment, and she decided to escape because she's too much of a pick me girl to stay with the so called family "that didn't show her affection". To be honest, you speak of her as some kind of adult avatar-styled Rapunzel, instead of a teenager who deserved to be reprimanded.

She did turn her life around, and kudos to the creators for showing that. No one can say that her story and background is boring by any chance.

She, however, is not the most likeable character out there to a big part of the fandom, but I seriously doubt someone is taking it as seriously as you seem to do. Just chill.

Istg this happens almost everytime I post something mildly touching on the fact that Suyin deserves compassion too. Though you may be the same anon who blew up my inbox a while back so it might just be you.

I've always found the disdain we have for "troubled teens" upsetting because usually, when a teenager "acts out", there's more of a reason behind it that just "ooh they're spoilt or entitled".

[Trigger warning for self harm and suicidal ideation mentions]

Like, I was a very difficult teen back in the day. I argued with my parents, even got into physical altercations, skipped school, ran away from home at night. I was also going through a severe depression, dealing with a shitton of childhood trauma, cutting on the regular and making multiple attempts on my life. Hell, if my parents had brushed me off as "a kid who needs to be disciplined" I probably would've killed myself at 14. It doesn't excuse me for punching my dad in the stomach when he was just trying to stop me from running away into the night but it doesn't mean I didn't deserve help.

[End of Trigger Warning]

These two things can be correct at the same time. Suyin can have done a shitty thing that deserves reprimand and that she needs help that she seemingly had to find on her own. But like, guess which of these two is almost exclusively focused on.

And I mean, it's totally not like the Avatar fandom has a habit of expressing extreme hate towards young girls (especially young girls of colour) making sub optimal choices or just beind "annoying". I've just never seen that before.

Suyin grew up with Toph, who Lin herself has described like this:

Suyin : No, no. My children are a blessing. Lin: Yeah, mom used to say that too, but she never meant it.

Which btw, still an incredibly hillarious thing to say in front of Suyin's children: "Hi kids I'm your aunt Lin and your mother is lying about loving you"

While Suyin has, as a child, expressed doubt that Toph would even care that she's skipping school. And as an adult, she has described her childhood with Lin as "competing for their mother's affection" and still has doubts whether or not her mother is happy with how either of them turned out.

Hell, even though Su and Toph have been said to have made up, Toph still maintains a heavy layer of distance between them, seemingly dissappearing for years at a time!

It's honestly sad how Suyin hugs Toph and puts up statues of her everywhere in Zaofu and yet Toph still just fucked off to the swamp when Opal was probably less then ten and did not contact them.

I mean, sounds like there's not a lot of motherly affection going on there, dude. Idk what to tell ya. We know there were no fathers around either.

And Lin was also a victim of this environment, so I don't really want this to come off as me blaming her for the way she acted towards Su. But Lin is hardly what I would call affectionate.

So of course Suyin would put so much stock in her relationships outside the house. And her friends happened to be fucking criminals fucking hell. And of course Lin, being a kid too did not know how to approach this situation properly, so she inadvertently just pushed Suyin closer to them by insulting them and making her feel defensive.

Because that's what all fucking teens do. The internalise things, they rely on their peers to form their perception of things and they want to be independent. So when someone, especially someone who isn't a parent tries to control them, guess how they'll react? They dig their heels in. Especially a teen like Suyin who has virtually no reason to listen to her older sister other than a vague "I know better than you" type of vibe which really pisses teens off. That's like the time when talking down to them is the worst thing to do.

And fuck off with saying getting arrested and screamed at by your sister in the middle of the road isn't a stressful situation that you wolud wanna get out of. Lin punched a car so hard it dented! (Especially that Lin has already been confirmed to use her status as a police officer against people she has a vendetta against, like when SHE TRIED TO THROW PEMA IN JAIL FOR STEALING HER MANS like how tf did we brush over that)

What I always find interesting in this scene is the front that Su puts on in front of Lin, which slips up a few times, particularly when Lin can't see her expression. Because Suyin is, of course being a fucking brat and taunting Lin, but you can clearly see that she's stressed out.

Suyin also describing the reason she helped her friends as a getaway driver is something I find interesting:

Suyin: I didn't steal anything. I just drove the car. I owed my friends a favor. It's not a big deal.

Of course she's scared and minimising her involvement but the usage of "owing her friends" could very easily imply her not exactly being too hyped about this, as well as her insistence on not stealing anything.

Because the thing about Suyin is that, especially in the flashbacks, we see her only in Lin's PoV. We don't see her relationship with her friends, what led up to the robbery, anything. Which makes sense, because the flashbacks are supposed to be Lin's. But that means we're viewing Su with the inherent bias of Lin, who clearly has an agenda against Su.

Lin clearly blames Suyin for Toph leaving policework, despite us later seeing how burnt out and cynical Toph was about being a cop. Its more likely that Su's arrest was a wake-up call for Toph, but she left due to the buildup of stress and disillusionment and Lin, who has been idolising her mother and her mother's career blamed it on Suyin in her head.

Hell, even they made up, Lin still immediately pivots to accusing Suyin of being involved in the Red Lotus' attack. Despite the attack placing Suyin's life, the lives of her sons and the lives of her guards at risk and Suyin going out of her way to thwart it.

And Suyin's life is just a fucking mess after this point like: betrayal by close friend, daughter kidnapped by terrorists, anarchy in the kingdom, leaders of 2 foreign governments trying to pressure her into subjugating the people in the name of a monarch she doesn't support, betrayal part 2; child boogaloo, the country she lives in being declared a dictatorship, city under literal siege, threat of attack in 24 hours, the fucking Avatar doing fuck all to help, a desperate attempt at assassinating the leader, getting caught and placed in questionably humane restraints, having to watch her daughter be forced to flee, PUBKIC HUMILIATION, the arrest of her non combative son and husbandd, INHUMANE JAIL CELL...

Do I need to go on? Like the moment the Krew came to her gouse her life just started to fucking fall apart its actually kinda hillarious.

And calling Suyin a "pick me" is just... unfounded? Who's she trying to get picked by? Her mom who doesn't love her? Girlie just wanted a family she literally said so in the show, put your listening ears on, babes.

I understand that Suyin isn't the most likeable character to people. I can understand why they dislike her. She can be annoying, hypocritical, rash, the poor structuring of the episodes around her and Lin makes it so she gets unearned favour from the writers etc. People who like Lin and Kuvira, two extremely popular characters in the fandom have an easy villain in their faves' lives if they just tweak Suyin a bit.

But that doesn't mean I'm obligated to dislike her too or that I'm not allowed to post about her in a way that doesn't allign with the fandom's narrative of her. You're not obligated to read it, hun, you can block the #pro suyin beifong tag if it makes you that upset to see me

I want to appreciate parts of Suyin which aren't highlighted by the fandom and I'm allowed to do that. Just because it doesn't fit with your clearly overtly negative opion of the character well, tough luck. And hey, I gladly take the opportunity to talk about Suyin, but I've also made a ridiculous amount of posts around har and have probably addressed almost every single fandom complaint of her at some point so I'm starting to get a little tired of repeating myself lol.

And I'll be the first to admit, my own teenage years probably heavily affect how compassionate I am towards Suyin, particularly in her younger years. But I know how much people hate "troubled teens", how little compassion thet are given.

The narrative that if a misbehaving teenager just gets deisciplined and reprimanded enough they'll stop being "spoilt and entitled" or acting out is wrong and harmful. It hurts tons of teenagers by not getting them the help they need and it would've fucking killed me.

Also hun, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I tend to use hyperbole a lot. I'm a dramatic bitch. Like did you also think I was serious when I said I'd shoot myself if I saw another ad for Amazon's shit lotr wannabe show?

Tbh everytime I get an ask like this I vaguely consider doubling down and commiting to the bit of being the fandom's "Lin Beifong hater". Though I feel like a lot of people wouldn't realise its a bit and think I actually hate her for real lol.

[aspd-culture]

Hi I'm new here so sorry if this has already been answered, people with aspd are often referred to as callous and cold but the rate of anxiety and depression with them is quite high thanks to it being a trauma disorder, so how do the two things coexist? Shouldn't they be mutually exclusive?

Firstly welcome!/pos

So unfortunately, the public's perception of ASPD has gotten very mixed with the understanding of the actual symptoms of ASPD. Callous and cold are certainly personality traits that are more likely to appear in pwASPD, but that is not all of us. In personality disorders, due to the nature of them being baked into our personality, which is part biological and part environmental, you will see heavy variations in symptoms.

Additionally, a part of the actual evaluations for ASPD (at least both of the ones I took to get diagnosed - I am from the US for reference) is questions relating to being charismatic/charming and "masters of manipulation". Even the public perception hits on this - saying we are "always playing a social chess game". Those things aren't really compatible with being callous and cold all the time.

To get more into this in the context of your question, though, as you mentioned, ASPD is almost always caused by some amount of trauma. To my understanding as someone with a background in child development, especially in early childhood, our brains basically got here one of two ways if it's trauma based.

The first is our brains developing under the belief that the symptoms of ASPD are just how everyone is, due to being exposed to poor examples or a lack of exmaples of things like remorse, empathy, warmth, etc. This generally comes from abusive/neglectful/emotionally unavailable adults in the child's life and a lack of presence of adults that would guide the child's brain into the natural development of these things because children are literally always learning in the first few years of life especially, and the brain is forming itself around the understanding that the adults give the child of how a human being thinks/acts/behaves/responds.

The other is having specific trauma break down the prior, proper development under the belief that it was either entirely mistaken and people are supposed to behave another way, or as a protective reaction when the brain believes it cannot survive any other way. Research has pointed to trauma directly impacting the neurology of people with PTSD at any age, and that is especially prominent in the ages that ASPD first starts showing up at (15 and younger).

Regardless of which it is, there is more than *just* ASPD being made most of the time in either of these circumstances. When things are unstable in a child's life, they become very likely to develop any number of anxiety disorders. When led to the belief that nothing will ever be good, anyone of any age tends to end up depressed, and pwASPD generally have experiences that have made us see things that way for a *very* long time.

Depression especially is very compatible with ASPD even in public perception - lack of motivation, disinterest in socializing, maladaptive understanding of the world (believing nothing will get better), etc. are symptoms of both ASPD and Major Depressive Disorder.

As for anxiety, it isn't incompatible, but it is probably fairly far removed from the anxiety that prosocials have, specifically in what the anxiety centers on. It is less likely (but definitely not impossible) that a pwASPD would have anxiety about wanting others to like them or worrying about social interactions, but it is very likely to see pwASPD having anxiety about the risk of harm coming to them, people being "out to get us", or that anything good in our life may be unstable and can be lost or taken from us. Insecurity in relationships is common in ASPD because of that type of anxiety - we tend to struggle with the belief that the other shoe will drop, so to speak, any time things seem good or calm in our life. That alone causes a serious amount of anxiety.

These kinds of misconceptions generally come from a specific misrepresentation of ASPD - the idea that we have no emotions or cannot feel certain particular emotions. While sometimes our emotions can be blunted, and some pwASPD are incapable of feeling particular emotions, which ones in particular vary greatly. Boredom and anger/irritation are pretty much always able to be felt by pwASPD to some degree, but outside of that there's a lot of different presentations of the muted emotions trait (not a diagnostic criteria required for diagnosis btw, it's just a common trait seen in many pwASPD). Some people find themselves incapable of feeling things like fear/anxiety and/or depression, sure, but others like me actually feel those at full force but experience heavily mutes positive emotions like happiness. And again, not all of us even have blunted emotions at all, removing any reason we wouldn't be able to have depression or anxiety.

By the way, nothing bad against you for this question!! It absolutely makes sense that this would be confusing to understand what with the common ways that ASPD is talked about and shown in pop culture, documentaries, and often even academic materials. I hold no ill will towards anyone with any genuine misunderstanding of ASPD. It is extremely difficult to grasp the truth of life with this disorder because even the sources that should be reliable often aren't - with small sample sizes, poor sample randomness (so many studies about ASPD are taken exclusively on prisoners), self-reporting (why the hell would we trust a random researcher), and even people who were diagnosed on the stand without advisement from any mental health professional (so people who may not even *have* ASPD, but they have what someone in the legal system *thought* was ASPD). It is so heavily stigmatized and misrepresented that I also had many of these perceptions well into my teen years, even as I recognized symptoms of ASPD in myself. This whole post is /info, I just have terrible issues with tone due to my autism.

Plain text below the cut:

Firstly welcome!/pos

So unfortunately, the public's perception of ASPD has gotten very mixed with the understanding of the actual symptoms of ASPD. Callous and cold are certainly personality traits that are more likely to appear in pwASPD, but that is not all of us. In personality disorders, due to the nature of them being baked into our personality, which is part biological and part environmental, you will see heavy variations in symptoms.

Additionally, a part of the actual evaluations for ASPD (at least both of the ones I took to get diagnosed - I am from the US for reference) is questions relating to being charismatic/charming and "masters of manipulation". Even the public perception hits on this - saying we are "always playing a social chess game". Those things aren't really compatible with being callous and cold all the time.

To get more into this in the context of your question, though, as you mentioned, ASPD is almost always caused by some amount of trauma. To my understanding as someone with a background in child development, especially in early childhood, our brains basically got here one of two ways if it's trauma based.

The first is our brains developing under the belief that the symptoms of ASPD are just how everyone is, due to being exposed to poor examples or a lack of exmaples of things like remorse, empathy, warmth, etc. This generally comes from abusive/neglectful/emotionally unavailable adults in the child's life and a lack of presence of adults that would guide the child's brain into the natural development of these things because children are literally always learning in the first few years of life especially, and the brain is forming itself around the understanding that the adults give the child of how a human being thinks/acts/behaves/responds.

The other is having specific trauma break down the prior, proper development under the belief that it was either entirely mistaken and people are supposed to behave another way, or as a protective reaction when the brain believes it cannot survive any other way. Research has pointed to trauma directly impacting the neurology of people with PTSD at any age, and that is especially prominent in the ages that ASPD first starts showing up at (15 and younger).

Regardless of which it is, there is more than *just* ASPD being made most of the time in either of these circumstances. When things are unstable in a child's life, they become very likely to develop any number of anxiety disorders. When led to the belief that nothing will ever be good, anyone of any age tends to end up depressed, and pwASPD generally have experiences that have made us see things that way for a *very* long time.

Depression especially is very compatible with ASPD even in public perception - lack of motivation, disinterest in socializing, maladaptive understanding of the world (believing nothing will get better), etc. are symptoms of both ASPD and Major Depressive Disorder.

As for anxiety, it isn't incompatible, but it is probably fairly far removed from the anxiety that prosocials have, specifically in what the anxiety centers on. It is less likely (but definitely not impossible) that a pwASPD would have anxiety about wanting others to like them or worrying about social interactions, but it is very likely to see pwASPD having anxiety about the risk of harm coming to them, people being "out to get us", or that anything good in our life may be unstable and can be lost or taken from us. Insecurity in relationships is common in ASPD because of that type of anxiety - we tend to struggle with the belief that the other shoe will drop, so to speak, any time things seem good or calm in our life. That alone causes a serious amount of anxiety.

These kinds of misconceptions generally come from a specific misrepresentation of ASPD - the idea that we have no emotions or cannot feel certain particular emotions. While sometimes our emotions can be blunted, and some pwASPD are incapable of feeling particular emotions, which ones in particular vary greatly. Boredom and anger/irritation are pretty much always able to be felt by pwASPD to some degree, but outside of that there's a lot of different presentations of the muted emotions trait (not a diagnostic criteria required for diagnosis btw, it's just a common trait seen in many pwASPD). Some people find themselves incapable of feeling things like fear/anxiety and/or depression, sure, but others like me actually feel those at full force but experience heavily mutes positive emotions like happiness. And again, not all of us even have blunted emotions at all, removing any reason we wouldn't be able to have depression or anxiety.

By the way, nothing bad against you for this question!! It absolutely makes sense that this would be confusing to understand what with the common ways that ASPD is talked about and shown in pop culture, documentaries, and often even academic materials. I hold no ill will towards anyone with any genuine misunderstanding of ASPD. It is extremely difficult to grasp the truth of life with this disorder because even the sources that should be reliable often aren't - with small sample sizes, poor sample randomness (so many studies about ASPD are taken exclusively on prisoners), self-reporting (why the hell would we trust a random researcher), and even people who were diagnosed on the stand without advisement from any mental health professional (so people who may not even *have* ASPD, but they have what someone in the legal system *thought* was ASPD). It is so heavily stigmatized and misrepresented that I also had many of these perceptions well into my teen years, even as I recognized symptoms of ASPD in myself. This whole post is /info, I just have terrible issues with tone due to my autism.

[jgyllenhaalstannie]

⁂Meet the parents⁂(Steven grant x f!AA! reader)

Summary: reader takes Steven to finally meet her parents for dinner and has to prepare him for what her family is like

Warnings: slightly cursing most likely, a little angst if u squint, black trauma

A/n: this is intended to be a female/feminine and African American reader so just a heads up! I've been thinking about writing smth like this for a while now

A/n2: this is honestly so fuckn long and I'm so sorry LOL

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"Now I have to warn you, my family is a bit...much." You both sat in the car in front of your parents house. The car was turned off so you were both is a weirdly comfortable silence. As much as you loved your family it was always rough bringing people to meet them as they always scared them away by being too loud or gossiping a bit too much. But Steven insisted on meeting them, even after your constant warnings.

"Your family can't possibly be that bad, love. I think you're just being a bit of a scaredy cat." Steven raised his eyebrows at you and tapped your nose playfully. You rolled your eyes and smiled a bit. He never met your family personally, he just knew the little stories that you would tell him that you remembered from your childhood. You closed your eyes and sighed softly "I'm not scared I have nothing to be scared of. It's just..." it was hard to tell him straight up that black families are a lot different from other families "they have their many differences to say the least, and I'm not even sure if it's just my mom and dad there or if they invited my cousi-." Cutting you off, your phone rang violently. It was your mother. Hesitantly you picked it up and placed it on speaker.

"When you gon' get here? This food gon get cold now." Your mother questioned, the pots and pans clattering in the background. "We're actually just looking for parking mama, we'll be there soon don't worry." You looked over at Steven with a nervous expression. "Aight now don't be making me wait for you and you bringing company ova to my damn house.. " You rolled your eyes at your mother's comment. "I'm not mama, I'll see you in a few." And before you could say anything else she had hung up. You sighed loudly once again and placed your head on the steering wheel. "I guess we shouldn't keep her waiting, might ring you again." Steven said softly. "Don't worry, this night will so swimmingly. " You smiled at his vocabulary and opened your car door. "Let's get this over with."

Soon enough you were knocking on the front door. Your mind was racing with all sorts of thoughts of what could happen throughout the night. "And when you're speaking to any adult just say yes or no sir or ma'am, you will quickly be called disrespectful. " You rushed out any last warnings to Steven at the door. Surprisingly he was the more calm one for once. "Breathe. I've got it. Besides,im always respectful." Just after he finished the door swung open and you both were greeted by your mother, wearing her good blouse and church shoes. "There's my baby! Come in, both of ya! " Your mother let you in and closed the door behind you. The house was exactly how it was after you moved out. That yellow-orange tint to the lighting and brown cabinets and floors. The scent of homemade food traveled through the whole house.

"Ray! Get in here, your daughter and her lil friend are here!" You'd forgotten what her yelling sounded like after so many years. She knew Steven was your boyfriend but still denys it, especially your father. You watched your father hobble into the living room with his patterned button up shirt and glistening bald head. "Though you had forgot about us, so busy thinking you grown and allat." You smiled and shook your head. You looked over at Steven at seen him picking his nails and examining the old house."Mama, dad. This is Steven." He finally looked at your parents after hearing his name and gave a small smile, sticking out his hand for them to shake. "Happy to finally meet you both,I've heard so many nice things about you." Your mom chuckled and shook his hand "Good things huh? Back then we were such awful parents to her apparently, couldn't wait to get out and live her own grown ass life." You smiled out of embarrassment "Mama I never said that at all." She put a hand on your back "Come, let's get to what y'all really came for, that good food. "

After a while of getting settled and your mom blurtting out your business to everyone, you all finally sat down in the to eat in living room. You had a kitchen and dining room, of course, but your mother would have lost her head if anyone got food in the dining room. Steven had helped your mother pass out the plates as you stayed and talked with your father on the couch.

"So tell us a lil bit about yo self, Steven. What's yo last name?" He felt his face get warm from embarrassment, "Grant, miss." Your mother turned to you with an eyebrow raise, "think you got a cousin with that name, think they up there with the Lord now though." Your eyes widened as she continued to eat as if nothing happened. "So what do you do for work, son? " Your father finally chimed in to speak after almost eating half his plate. You looked at Steven as he looked at you as well. You knew how this was going to end. "I used to work at a gift shop at a museum but I got um, fired.Sir." You saw him look down at his plate and tried to eat to distract himself from your parents reactions. "Don't be letting him use you for yo money, girl. Don't be hangin' 'round no bums." "He is not a bum, mama! How and why would you even say that?" You quickly shut down your mothers disrespectful comments. "Don't be getting smart with me girl! I can still whoop yo ass at yo grown age, don't phase me none." Your father placed a hand on your mothers shoulder, "Not in front of company, Jeanine." "I don't give a damn, Ray. I don't want my daughter with a bum. Ian saying that he is, I'm just lettin' her know to remember that."

You bit the inside of your cheek to hide your anger and you look over at Steven. He had his chin almost to his chest as he picked at his plate of food to distract himself from the argument happening in front of him. You grabbed his hand from under the table, causing him to pick his head up. "Wanna head out?" You whispered to him. He hesitated before he shook his head no,"I can handle it.." You pressed your lips together and squeezed his hand tightly. "Ok mama, I get it. Can we at least try and act presentable?" She shrugged and continued eating her food. "You watch football? Basketball? Anything like that?" Your father knew bringing up sports would annoy your mother, but it was better than the constant arguing. "No sir, I'm uh more of a cricket person myself." Steven gave him a small shy smile. "Ahh" he exclaimed "I just noticed you had that lil accent, where you from son?" "England, sir. I moved here about a year or two ago.Been trying to pick up on the american slang, so many different words."

Steven and your father talked for a few while you and your mother sat in silence. You didn't wanna say anything, the slightest thing said to you by her would be considered disrespectful and get the black slapped off you. She was silent until she suddenly let out a weird comment. "You know them British didn't like us black folks, we was slaves to them back in the day." Your eyes widened as she continued to talk "Had to follow what they said. Yo great grandmother was a slave to those British people until she was finally a free woman and had yo grandma, may her soul rest in peace." She drew the cross across her chest and pointed towards the sky. Your face was so scrunched up you almost couldn't see. Why would she bring that up, especially in front of company? It was like she wanted to embarrass you. Ever since Steven said he got fired your mother has been slick with her comments and disrespectful remarks. And of course, your father fails to do anything. You had to go home.

"You know what, it's actually getting pretty late. Think we should start heading out, he's got that job interview tomorrow." That last part was a lie, but you know your parents believed it. You just wanted to get out of there. "Lemme wrap that food up for y'all then, bring me yo' plates." Your father grabbed the plates and headed into the kitchen. Your mother didn't do anything but continue eating, not looking up once. It was like the memories from your childhood started to flood back to you just standing there. Steven took the 2 plates that your father had placed in a bag and shook his hand "Pleasure meeting you both, sir. Have a wonderful evening." Your father smiled and went to hug you. "Bye baby, sorry about your mother." You gave a fake smile to him and hugged him back before finally walking out the door. You didn't say anything until you finally got into the car and put your hands in your head.

"I'm sorry, love." Steven said quietly, placing the food on the floor of the car. "I should have insisted on meeting your family so much,this would have never happened." You felt your eyes began to sting as you quickly blinked them away. You removed your hands and shook your head, "Just wish she would change.Nothing changed since I left." You grabbed your keys and started the car before finally driving home in silence, thinking about your mother.

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[raibebe]

Moving foreward

Genre: fluff Words: 2.457 Prompt: Samoyed hybrid Jeno x fem. reader

Warnings: unspecific allusions to childhood trauma, allusions to genetic modification

A/N: MY BABY IS BACK! And more baby and insecure than ever because this is set very early in the story and we get to learn some of his background! Bonus points for everyone who can guess which game he was playing. Also please appreciate the header, I ripped my hair out for streamer Jeno.

Hybridverse masterlist

“Wow, I can’t believe they’d just end it like that,” Jeno shook his head, falling back into his chair as he stared blankly at the ending screen of the game he had been playing on stream, “I need answers. This can’t be it. I know this isn’t it.” “We missed a few clues in the mines and the hospital I think,” he read a comment from his chat, “The mines were so creepy, you can’t blame me for that,” he whined, his ears flattening into his fluffy hair, “I was busy not getting that annoying girl killed even though she deserved it for being an absolute ass.” At that, his chat broke out in laughing emotes. “Am I wrong though?” He giggled, closing the game and enlarging his facecam for the viewers instead, so they didn’t have to look at the menu screen. For the cozy atmosphere that he was always striving for, he pulled up his curated playlist of calming videogame soundtracks. 

 “So… I kinda didn’t think we’d be able to finish so quickly, so I don’t really have anything else planned,” he admitted, “We could just jump into some other game real quick but I’m not in the mood for any shooters right now and I might launch myself out of my chair when I get jumpscared again.” He scanned the chat for good suggestions for a little while, his eyes darting over to the clock at the bottom of his screen. It was already quite late and the last half an hour of that game had been way too intense. So maybe he could just cut the stream early today and just get some extra cuddles. That would be nice. He’d very much like some cuddles. And maybe some ear scratches. 

 “Will you be playing ‘No home for us’ once it’s out?” He read out a question from one of his mods. “You know actually,” Jeno sighed, nervously picking at his cuticles, he knew that this question would be coming up sooner or later and that his answer might be unexpected. “I won’t.” Before he could even explain himself, his chat exploded with messages and confused emotes, the messages coming in so fast, twitch was barely able to buffer all of them. “Wait, wait wait, let me explain,” he asked, taking a deep breath to collect his thoughts, “I think the game is going to be great. From what I’ve seen in the trailers and promotional videos, it’s going to bring attention to lots of valid concerns regarding us hybrids and the graphics are absolutely phenomenal. But… But I think the story will hit too close to home for me. I don’t think I’d be in the right mindset to play this and for my mental health, I’ll refrain from playing it on stream. Maybe I’ll take a look and play it in private so I can tell you guys my thoughts on it at least. But I really can’t do this on stream for my own safety.”

 The tone of the chat messages immediately turned from confused to concerned at his words. The game was supposed to be a heavily story-based game following the journey of three different hybrids and it had been praised to high heavens because of that. But especially the story of the female cat hybrid had made the hairs at the back of Jeno’s neck stand up just from seeing the promotional videos and the behind-the-scenes the company had sent him because they obviously wanted hybrid content creators to talk about their game. It was eerily similar to his story even though hers would probably be even more dramatic for obvious reasons of storytelling and would only have a happy ending if you made the correct choices throughout the game. And Jeno already knew that if he were sitting alone in his streaming room, he’d go insane with anxiety over every little choice he had made because he needed this potential happy ending to happen or he’d just end up crying. 

“I- I’ve never really spoken about my story and how I ended up here but I know some longtime followers have probably a good understanding of it,” Jeno mused, sipping on his Redbull just to get a sense of comfort from having the stupid metal straw in his mouth. A coping mechanism - and a comparatively healthy one or so his therapist had told him.

 “Yeah, my story sadly isn’t the one of the golden retriever hybrid,” he laughed uncomfortably, “No privileged background despite my breed. I- I actually grew up in a shelter for most of my life and I’ll always be incredibly grateful for how good care I was receiving there, the social workers really did their best trying to take care of me and all the others.” “Prestigious breed,” Jeno read the comment flying past, his head tilting in confusion, “What’s that even supposed to mean.” He could only snort. Unsure if he should be angry and tell this person off or if he should’ve just ignored the comment to avoid fueling the discussion further. “I mean I guess Samoyeds are on the rarer side of Hybrids but there’s more to it - to me - than that. Multiple factors go into adoption and- Maybe I should do a whole video about this. With a dramatic title and all.” Jeno cut himself short with a giggle before he could get worked up about it. Some people - humans - just didn’t know what life was like for lots of hybrids. Especially the younger humans who didn’t know much about the history and the continuous fight of Hybrids for basic human rights. And while it was seen as normal for Hybrids to attend college and school nowadays, they still had a long way to go until they’d reach true equality.

“Our family just took in a cat hybrid the other day from a shelter and it has been such a process and a half.” “I’m glad to hear that”, Jeno smiled, “Not that it’s been so hard but that you decided to take someone in need in. And I  hope you’ll take the time and effort to try to understand them and learn if they need any special care so you can provide for them. I should really just make a video on this since you’re always so interested in anything hybrid matters. And you really seemed to like the last video where my girlfriend helped to test just how good my sense of smell really is.”

“I’ve actually thought about telling my story multiple times but- But it’s really not a pretty story. And I never wanted my platform to be about me as a person but rather about the games and just having fun and making your days better with it, maybe making some fun content about hybrids with my friend but that’s it. And I already know that if I end up telling my story, people will be nasty about it and tell me that I’m only doing it for attention. But at the same time, this obviously is a huge part of my life and why I am the person I am today and maybe I can do something good for the community if I use my platform to call attention to things like that.”

 A soft knock on the door pulled Jeno from his train of thought, his head snapping to where you quietly slipped into the room. Despite the heavy topic feeling like a weight pressing down on his chest, he couldn’t fight the smile that spread on his lips nor how his tail started wagging. “Hi puppy,” you whispered, mirroring his smile. Making sure that your face was out of the camera shot, you stepped into the frame, letting Jeno pull you close with a grip around your waist. “Thought you might need some company,” you explained yourself, shyly waving to the viewers who were welcoming you warmly. “I’m okay,” Jeno promised, taking a deep breath to fill his lungs with your comforting smell. “You think it’s a good idea?” “Telling your story?” In lieu of an answer, he simply nodded, looking up at you from beneath his lashes. Smiling, you playfully scratched beneath his chin, always endlessly endeared with his puppy-like mannerisms.

“I think it could be a really good thing. To shine a light on some stuff people don’t really talk about and to make people pay attention to things they didn’t know existed,” you spoke your mind, “But it will also make you very vulnerable and I don’t know if you feel comfortable doing that. It’s- It’s a heavy topic just like you said and I don’t know what it’ll do to you mentally if you revisit that time.” “So you’re saying that I shouldn’t do it,” Jeno asked, his brows pulled together in a frown. “That’s not what I said,” you smiled, gently rubbing your thumb through the crease to make him stop frowning, “I know you’re much stronger than when we first met and that you grew so much as a person in such a short time but these memories are- they’re traumatic and you know I hate nothing more than seeing you distressed or in pain.” 

With a glance to his chat that seemed to just be filled with his cute samoyed heart emote, Jeno took a deep breath, giving in to the urge to bury his face in your stomach, nuzzling into the comforting smell of your laundry detergent and something just inherently you. “I asked Doyoung for my files a while back. I have them here but I didn’t have the courage to look into them.” “Do you wanna do that?” You whispered, carefully taking his headset off so you could card your hands through his silky hair and scratch your nails gently against his scalp and along the base of his ears to relax him. “I think I do,” he whispered back, “I wanna do this. I need to know.” “Then I’ll be here to support you,” you smiled, resisting the urge to kiss the crown of Jenos head to keep your face off of the internet, “For every step of the way.” “Love you,” he mumbled into the fabric of your shirt but you were so used to hearing the words from him that you understood them anyways. “Love you too, pup.” Playfully, you pulled his chair off-screen, swallowing his surprised yelp with a sweet kiss. “I have to end the stream,” he sighed against your lips but contradictory to his words, he stole another kiss that you couldn’t help but smile into, butterflies erupting in your stomach like it was the first kiss you shared. “I’ll wait in bed,” you promised, carefully rolling Jeno back into the frame of his facecam. 

Smiling fondly, you watched him stumble over his words with a pinkened face as he said goodbye to his followers. “I- Uhm- Yeah. Oh god,” he giggled, putting his hands on his cheeks to cool down his burning face, “Yeah. I- Like. Uhm. Bye?” At his flustered stuttering, the heart emotes in his chat were replaced by laughing emotes and only then did Jeno notice that his mods must have changed the chat to emote-only mode possibly due to the comments either being mean or it becoming so many, they couldn’t monitor all of them for his mental health. “We can leave the emote-only mode now I think,” he smiled gently, “Everyone, say thank you to our mods for keeping this a safe and positive space.”

“How dare my favorite streamer make me feel single,” he read out a comment, immediately feeling more blood rush to his face, “Well, yeah for those who don’t know or haven’t suspected, that was my girlfriend and I guess we’re going to try and figure out more about my story and stuff… And eventually, I’ll post a video and share as much as I feel comfortable. To… You know raise awareness and actually use my platform for something else rather than getting jumpscared by scary-looking creatures in an old asylum.” “Hmm, yeah, I don’t know what we’ll do on Friday yet. I have to see if Haechan and Chenle are free, so we can play keep expanding our base in ‘The Forest’ and get some more exploring done for once. Yeah… Oh no, I absolutely haven’t forgotten that Chenle betrayed me and left me by myself with that crazy mutant. I’ll get my revenge.” “So yeah, we’ll let you guys know beforehand if the terrible trio will get together on Friday or if I play something by myself. There is this new ghost-hunting game I wanted to give a shot. But until then, stay safe, be kind and don’t forget to stay hydrated. Bye bye, guys.” 

Smiling into the camera and blowing a kiss to it, Jeno turned off his stream. Sighing, he slumped back into his chair for a bit, staring at the empty overlay of his streaming software. He was really going to do this. With his heartbeat picking up and his blood loudly rushing through his veins, he slowly reached out to the bottommost drawer of his desk. The drawer was empty, safe for two things: A thick, light brown file with his name written in Doyoung’s neat handwriting and the stamp of the shelter and an almost sterile-looking white one that just had the number 423 and a logo that resembled DNA splicing printed in black ink. The brown file didn’t worry him too much. Doyoung had already told him that it was mostly his medical records, court cases and documentation of his past failed adoptions. The white file on the other hand gave him chills just looking at it. He didn’t have many memories from when he was a young child - trauma-blocking his therapist had called it - but he could for some reason vividly remember the DNA splicing logo and it was enough to make him sick to the stomach. Gritting his teeth, he picked up the file to put it on his desk. Between all the dark equipment in his room, it stood out like a sore thumb. It clearly didn’t belong here. But whatever was documented in there, it was part of Jeno, no matter how much he hated it. “Tomorrow,” he whispered to no one but himself, pulling his lower lip between his sharp teeth. Tomorrow, he was going to ask you to sit down to look through the file. 

Tonight, he only wanted the comfort of your touch. And if he was demanding to be the small spoon that night, scrolling through Twitter to see the cute clips his fans had made of your visit to the streaming room, that was between him and his browser history. 

[medichamcham]

I genuinely believe that the reason Rose sometimes behaves so goofy is because he is still dealing with his childhood trauma, or more likely, the lack of a childhood as a whole. I imagine that after his father’s death his mother had to work longer hours, leaving baby Rose to take care of his younger brother all on his own.. there just was not any room to be a child himself, especially not if he started working in the mines as early as I think he did (to support his family, most likely, and because it was the only thing he realistically could work as, judging by his background)

So for the roleswap AU, what if, instead of heading into the mines, Rose instead started to work for the Mafia in order to help finance his family, only to be forced to commit horrid acts that would later lead to Peony despising him? Rose could have gotten to the degree of power he has today by hard work, earning the respect of so many people that would literally take a bullet to please him. Plus, the way Rose stops smiling in the battle against him does suit a multifaced mafia boss that’s faking a cheery facade to intimidate his “partners”.. okay I’ll stop rambling now, can’t wait what else you come up for the roleswap :] /gen

OOO MY GOD JAAOGjLKGHJDSAOIGOPIJDSKLHDSGLK FOOTAGE OF ME READING ALL THIS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ITS SO NICE TO HEAR A GOOD INTERPRETATION OF ROSE FOR ONCE!! Honestly you might just be right on the nose because some time ago I watched a video on how certain people deal with childhood trauma and one category described Rose nearly down to the letter!! Incredibly fascinating!!!

and we got the same wavelength because today I did think of Rose getting into a life of crime to provide for Peony and his mom for a fleeting moment!! Canon Rose already is a morally ambiguous character so it wouldn't be out of place for roleswap Rose to make tough choices for the sake of financial security. I can totally imagine Peony strongly disapproving of his methods as soon as the money comes from beyond just petty crime.

I believe that in the manga, Giovanni lost a Pokémon he's grown fond of when he was young and that bitterness festered into the man he is today. Perhaps Peony (understandably) cutting Rose off could make a similar turning point of his character and change for the worst? In his perspective, he's gone out of his way so they wouldn't have to starve or risk losing their home for years and he repays him by leaving...?

[thedeathdeelers]

I love what you said about what they both crave just my two cents both things apply to both of them I don't think for her it's just about craving love and affection she never got but love and affection from him specifically we don't know the full details yet but it's clear she's had serious feelings for him for a long time I also think it's the same for him it's not just about her but he also never had love and affection from anyone I'm crossing my fingers that HJ will be that as much as he is for her it would be much more interesting and romantic if it's not just a one sided pursuit and pouring of love especially considering his hella depressing background.

ooh yeah for sure! they both had a loveless and affection-less childhood and both crave it now as adults - tho saeon walks around like he’s fine being this cold calculating person whose life revolves around his job — but the second he realises heejoo is in trouble or might crave the same things he does, from him, we start to see the changes

and i agree with what you said- we’re not seeing the full picture yet but i definitely feel like heejoo’s been harbouring feelings for him for a while now..idk if it’s as long as he has, tho i wouldn’t blame her if it was the case since he was obviously the only one who took care of her when they were children, but she still very much likes him

i truly wonder if that flashback we saw a couple episodes ago of heejoo making dinner and waiting up for saeon to come home was really because her mom was pushing her or because she truly wanted to make an effort and connect with saeon and have a real marriage with him because he’s worth it

to her

but yeah! they’re both two sides of the same coin…they just have slightly different ways of dealing with their trauma :)

(but i just truly love how she is the key to cracking his cold facade and we see that in ep 6- she truly is his sunset and sunrise, bringing the warmth and colour into his life. and the second she’s truly in danger and he’s panicking it’s suddenly cold and dark and he’s running around the forest not being able to see anything)

[bbygirl-aemond]

Can you explain more what you mean about Rhaenyra's kids never learning from the Driftmark incident?

Oh sure! This ask is in reference to this post discussing the way I think the adults should have handled the Driftmark incident. Let me start with the disclaimer that just because I'm talking about Rhaenyra's kids here doesn't mean I don't take issue with Alicent's, too. But this ask is specifically referencing Rhaenyra's kids, so let's go through the dinner scene chronologically and figure out what they objectively did.

First, we have Jace's "toast" to his uncles. He's trying to retaliate to Aegon's gross comments, but Aemond gets caught in the crossfire. I'm sure it feels great to have your childhood, in which you were bullied and then maimed, referred to as "fond" by one of the people complicit in the things that happened to you. There's a reason Aemond looks upset and breaks eye contact as he goes to sit down; it's because Jace's words had their intended effect. Look at his face here:

Does he look happy, or does he look hurt and angry?

Second, we have Luke laughing at the pig being set in front of Aemond:

Again, this is the kid who should hopefully feel bad about maiming and disabling a family member (remember intent vs impact, he can and should feel sorry while still maintaining he was acting in self-defense). And what does he do instead? He laughs at the memory of bullying him.

Third, we have Jace punching Aemond. This means Rhae's kids are 0 for 2 when it comes to escalating a verbal exchange into a physical fight. I also don't see enough people acknowledge the fact that Jace deliberately punches Aemond's injured side:

In a fight with a man he played a role in disabling, Jace immediately goes for the most vulnerable, injured part of him, weaponizing his disability against him.

Fourth, we have Luke in the background striding up to Aemond as Jace punches his bad side. You can see him in the previous GIF walking up to them both. At this point, again, Aemond has not been physically aggressive in any way, and has been struck in a very vulnerable place, and yet Luke is very clearly intent on joining the fight. So he and his brother are also 0 for 2 when it comes to jumping one person together.

It's also interesting to me that Aemond not only refuses to retaliate, but he refuses to escalate the way the Strong boys are doing here. Remember, he's been struck physically right where they permanently injured him, and yet he doesn't strike Jace back. He pushes him casually to the ground and then turns away, indicating he wants the "fight" to be done. This entire exchange is very one-sided.

Now, I'm not saying these two didn't have a right to be angry after Aemond's toast. But I think it's significant both Jace and Luke antagonized Aemond first, especially given that Aegon was the one who actually made the rude comments. They say they remember his trauma "fondly;" they laugh at him for it; and they weaponize the disability they caused against him. These are not the actions of thoughtful or remorseful kids.

To be perfectly clear, I don't really see this as a moral or personal failing of Luke and Jace. If none of the adults around them treated what happened like it had any significance, why would they? I don't blame children for echoing the beliefs of the adults around them. But I think this shows that Rhaenyra actually negatively impacted her children's moral development by leaning so heavily into the idea that they did nothing wrong and were completely blameless. It left no room for nuance, and no room for the idea that even if your intentions were good, the impact still matters when it's as severe as someone losing an eye.

Like I said at the end of my original post: Both sides here are convinced they're 100% in the right, while hypocritically hating the other side for thinking the exact same thing. But Aemond was forced to reflect on his actions at Driftmark; he lives with the consequences of what he did every single day of his life. Even if Alicent tells him he did nothing wrong, he is forever punished for it, and so we only ever see him retaliate in kind, never escalating or instigating. Rhaenyra's kids don't have that physical reminder, and so in the absence of any accountability they had no way to learn from their past mistakes and continue to repeat them all these years later, where Aemond actually shows signs of having learned restraint, if only begrudgingly.

(Jace and Luke are still my boys tho I can never hate them)

[zenkindoflove]

I'd like to recommend two books for you all. This series is by a very good friend of mine who I met writing fanfiction almost 20 years ago. She is an amazing writer and she published her first book Flight of the Monarchs a year ago. The second book in the trilogy, Catch the Wind, was just released this weekend. Both are available on Kindle Unlimited or for purchase on Kindle for $3 (as well as physical versions).

I really think these books are hard to pin down for genre. The series is about five friends in Pacific Grove, CA in the 1960s as they navigate love, friendship, sexuality, war, drugs, and childhood trauma. The chapters switch POVs between the characters and each has their own unique voice and development through the series. The series really captures the feelings that defined the era through the personal stories of the characters: hope for change and revolution but also the crushing weight of strife and struggle.

My favorite character is Fletcher: a gay man who is struggling with his desire for sex and love in a time when it seems impossible to consider coming out. I think his character arc through the two books so far is really a stand out. You never stop rooting for him, even when he is at his absolute lowest.

The best part of these books for me is the way M.H. Reardon writes both yearning and angst. I think because of her fanfiction/shipping background, it has really influenced how she depicts what she focuses on in love: how need and obsession can lead to intense, electric romance but also toxic dependence and not knowing when to let go. She also has a lot of surprisingly comedic moments, especially in the dynamics between the five friends.

I also really love that even those these are more general fiction rather than romance and erotica, Reardon does not shy away from explicit sex scenes that are a mix of hot, elegant, and sometimes voyeuristic in the level of intimacy. Sex is very much apart of these characters and we see the good and the ugly of it all, especially in the second book. In general, she is not writing this book bound by a specific rule set of genre writing, and I think that's what makes them truly unique.

So please, support my friend! I would not steer you wrong. I'm so proud of her. I've been following her writing for years and it makes me so happy that she has finally gotten a chance to write her own original series and share it with the world.

[dainesanddaffodils]

okay so I think I have maybe like 2 mutuals who are ffxiv enthusiasts, but I gotta yell into the void about my warrior of light and the fact that, in true oc fashion, she went and did her own thing without my consent and now I gotta deal with all the feelings it is giving me

so, my partner finished endwalker last year and Had Many Emotions about it and afterword I said, sure, put me in Character Creation For Fun I Won't Do Anything About It

but then I made a cute little Au Ra and named her Cimorene to reference my fav childhood book series and I was like, oh no I love her I guess I'll have to put her through The Trauma that is this whole game

(I know there is much trauma, again, because I witnessed my partner finishing endwalker and she also would tell me things about what was going on, vague enough - and long ago enough - that I'm not like SUPER spoiled on what I have ahead of me, but like, enough that I know shit is Sad)

but ANYWAY I was still pretty casual about this because, friends, I am not a Gamer. The last game I played, that wasn't a Mariokart/Mario Party/Smash that I've played at a friend's house, was like... on my family game cube 15+ years ago. I want to be a gamer but my brain can't find time for it... until now

so I'm casually trucking along through a realm reborn doin my little white mage quests and meeting the characters my partner has cried about, especially this one guy called thancred - of whom I had heard quite a lot about and my brain had already decided, I want that one.

(he's voiced by Taliesin Jaffe at first, he's a pretty white haired anime boy with trauma, he's got horrible coping mechanisms, what was I supposed to do? to quote Richard Gansey, "Crushed and Broken, just the way women like 'em")

so that was like in the back of my mind because obviously my little baby wol has to go through a lot and he has to go through a lot (most of which I am well aware of) before that's going to take off and even then I already imagine it's going to be a sort of background tension they refuse to actually speak on but both just Know for like, ever (yes my favorite ship is Roy and Riza from FMA why do you ask)

but then I'm like a little over halfway through this first installment and a bunch of awful things happen to my baby for the first time and I'm kinda invested in how she's having a kind of terrible time and the first group of people she'd felt some kind of belonging with are in danger and she feels lost and helpless -

and my partner is sitting next to me watching me play and starts getting excited about the fact that I'm close to meeting another character

that character is haurchefant

and I had never heard them talk about him before so I didn't really know who he was, but he's the first person to be genuinely kind to my warrior after several very bad days. they're in a fortress in an eternal winter and he's still the warmest person she's met in a very long time...

and I thought, oh that's so nice I'm glad she got someone in her corner now after all that shit, anyway moving on

but then, like for the following few days I kept. thinking about it. about how much that would have meant to her, about how lonely she had been feeling before meeting him and how, now that she's found that, she kind of just, wants to be around him

and it hit me that, without my own consent on it, Cimorene had said, I want that one.

so now I have to deal with my baby's first love (which, judging by my partner and her friends reactions when I told all of this to them, is going to be a fucking tragic first love) when I hadn't expected to deal with that at all and now I'm like really really invested in this dumb game

(this got way longer than expected, I just had to Yell. also this is probably a precursor for things to come. I may be reblogging Final Fantasies up in here before long)

[blackbutlerfandomnerddomain]

SO I WANT TO SAY THIS BEFORE I FORGET!!

I noticed how each chapter of Twisted Wonderland's manga series based off each game and their chapter with each Yuu/MC/the reader and viewer is different in a way of what would help contrast the focus of the story.

Examples being Enma Yuuken is strong and obvious extremally masculine there fore "strong" in looks than Riddle who's "strong" in the sense of brains and magic as he literally bulldoze across any set back to be the top of his school to a degree of being Housewarden a mere weeks since joining as a new student vs. this one guy who has no magic and only seemingly became a student regardless of background or magic history and is able to make plenty of friends when he can't think of anyone outside of Trey and Cater and Chenya to call his friend, maybe even doubt if they even see him as his friend.

Then we have Yuuka Hirasaka who is confident, kind, loyal, and brave as shit, proving her point by risking her safety for a animal in the road. Leona, try as he might, wouldn't even give a chance to prove he can do that because everyone already doesn't expect much from him, or at least that's what he said. He's confident for a different reason, also if you remember how things run back in the Sunset Savannah you'd argue Leona feels extra bitter and more in need to try and prove worth more cause he grew up not only looked down on by his magic and potion in the royal line but also is honestly scared of the women around him. He's more confused with Yuuka especially since she doesn't show much fear to him

Next we have Mito Yuuta who I love the most so far due to what may come. Azul is confident and arrant as a show off little shield cause of his own self insecurities especially his image, specially his body and it's weight. He was relentlessly picked on by everyone besides his mother mainly due to his weight which from that level of trauma he's willing to work hard to become the smartest, the strongest, the most respected, and hottest out of spite not cause he generally feels that he wants to, to him he needed to. And it's obviously still stuck on him enough to not take pictures regardless how much money he would make and even making Yuu(soon Mito) to break into something dangerous and steal the only picture of his childhood he was unable to hide in the mind set of destroying it, regardless if he thought it would work or not. Meanwhile Mito Yuuta is a big guy who's okay and proud of his shape and eating habits and kind of like the ones before he him he actually has people who want to his friend vs. the unknown certainty that Jade and Floyd aren't technically his friends, they openly claim him as entertainment and if he got boring they'd leave him.

In other words there may be a chance other chapters would have a similar method with not just the design choice but personality design of future Yuus to contrast against the "flaws" of the chapter's "bad guys or villains"

I want Chapter 4 to be a girl, maybe make her beautiful in some way or have the personality of Jasmine from Aladdin that way the weird vibes of Chapter 4 being super hella romantic and even more ship baiting in any and all forms feel right, not to mention that scene of Jamil hypnotizing us in the kitchen DISNEY GIVE ME THAT AMAZING ART WORK OF JAMIL JUST LOOKING AT THIS GIRL AND MAKE ME AS CONFUSED IN MY SEXUALITY AND FEELINGS AS YOU DID WITH JASMINE AND ALADDIN WHEN I WAS 10 YEARS OLD!!!

I also think having Chapter 5's Yuu whatever gender (maybe male or masculine based cause there's a pattern it seems) but either make them somehow cuter than the ones before even if it's one trait or maybe give them something like a birthmark or scar of sorts that would somehow deem them "ugly" the their world but Vil would be lowkey obsessive of slowly as that was his character is, he's so obsessed proving he's beautiful and good and smart and strong to the point he obsessed over others and their flaws

Though with Chapter 6 I'm stuck on just cuz I want a sassy Meg type Yuu but also want a tall handsome muscular man who's like Hercules and everything Idia most likely would wish to be including with open mention of having great relationship with their family or maybe even them being an orphan

What are your guys' thoughts and opinions?

[fraeuleintaka]

Character Introduction (Investigations 1): Miles Edgeworth

This is the 29th post in the Ace Attorney Investigations Collection Countdown: 52 days left until release!

Today's topic: Miles Edgeworth Character Introduction!

I've previously talked about Investigations 1's introduction, now it's time to focus on the individual characters starting with our main protagonist!

Miles' introduction starts with a bit of backstory on him, mentioning his childhood trauma, how that caused him to despise crimes of all kinds and how he used to ruthlessly served the law above all else. Then it goes on to say that he isn't that person anymore and now pursues the truth first and foremost.

It's a good move to introduce his background a bit, even for people who haven't played any other AA games, because, while they're not a huge focus in Investigations 1, they do play a role in many of its cases. The most significant is definitely his major change in attitude in I1-4 vs every other case in the game and his interactions with Manfred von Karma in the same. His childhood trauma surfaces in I1-2 and is the reason he even gets suspected for the first half. The questionable methods he used to employ and his connection to von Karma also gets mentioned in I1-3 in his awkward interactions with Ernest Amano who he knows through von Karma and by Shi-Long as one of the reasons why he suspects Miles in particular of being corrupt. I love how interconnected Miles' history is with what happens in the present without overshadowing anything, it's so natural that he'd still feel the consequences of it in so many different ways.

I like the dichotomy they put forth here with following the law vs pursuing the truth. Miles' journey was a lot more complicated than that but it's a great way to summarize it and provides a wonderful connection to the overarching theme of Investigations 1 where the limits of the law are tested and the question is asked how you catch criminals who are outside or above the law. Past Miles wouldn't have bothered with that conundrum (as I1-4 shows) but present Miles rises to the challenge.

They also mention how Miles essentially stumbled into this case without meaning to but that he will follow it through until justice is done. Accurate and a very Miles thing to do. If Miles meets a case, he just has to solve it. Even if he accidentally got involved in all of this, with the accusation in I1-2, the kidnapping and restricting of his ability to investigate in I1-3, the attack on his office in I1-1 and Kay's entire involvement it's become very much personal for him. I love that development. I also like the little comment on his "investigation" in particular because that's what we're doing here 😉

Going from the text to the artworks, I especially love Miles' full character image here! What an epic pose with his hands in his pockets and his cravat and the ends of his jacket dramatically blowing in the wind! The chibi sprite animation example they chose is his formal bow. I love that one because it always comes across as so sassy and confident. Look at him, how extra it is with the extravagant arm movement and the other arm so formally behind his back! And that sassy smile! So polite and yet so mocking. I love him.

[juliawanag]

Decided to rewatch NATLA to properly form my own takes that’s been running through my mind: (I’ll have both things that I like and dislike.) Part 1

SPOILERS!

I like it like a friend from a hundred years ago: 

First and foremost, NATLA predominantly consists of Asian American Pacific Islanders. Good for them for creating a version that is more in their lens and creativity. 

The Bendiiing. All of the elements, except for Earth, are 10/10. I really want it to be more solid, especially on AangvsBumi. It’s not that bad though, so much better than…well u know. I’ll give it an 8/10. 

I rewatched it with a Filipino dub and it’s good, 9/10. Aang VO was convincing as a kid, so either they’re a great actor or a great kid actor. The jokes (Sokka’s sarcasm) hits better on my mother tongue

"You're my friend. You will always be my friend.” 

Avatar state under the ocean 

The costume. The only one that I do agree with everyone else that lacks is Zuko’s scar. They should’ve put prosthetics on the eyebrow. 

Zuko’s hair? Hello? They did a great job. Even though my sister and I sing Ariana Grande song whenever we see them swaying. It’s an integral part of his story, and I loved that they keep it. There’s an East Asian culture that indicates that kind of haircut as a punishment. I remember my History teacher taught me this in eighth grade but I forgot which it was, my bad. And the actor’s such a champ for having that hair IRL. 

My favorite actor performances: Gordon (Aang) superb acting. Liz (Azula). Utkarsh (Bumi). Justin Wong (Chong/SecretTunnelguy) sounds exactly like the character. Made up for my delusional expectation that Dee Bradley Baker would be in this. Ken Leung (Zhao) pisses me off so much, and that means he’s doing a great job. Dallas (Zuko) & Iroh (Paul). DDK's(Ozai) a natural idk if that's acting /j

Was it established in the OG that Katara's intro is a folklore/legend? Because yeah, I don’t mind that it is considered that way in this version. 

AAAAA, the Lieutenant Jee younger casting makes so much sense now! The 41st division is chef kiss. Zuko cryiiiing when he was being banished!? Dallas Lui ate! 

THE HYBRID ANIMALS LOOOK SO GOOD. The ostrich horse blended well with whoever rides them. It doesn’t look CGI to me. MOMO HIS MOMONESS, MOMO OF THE MOMO DYNASTY 

Any Zuko fight choreography (MY FAVORITE CHOREO DALLAS LOOKS FIIIRE). And Aang’s too (Oh hey).

Aang the Hype Man

The fallen Fire Nation ship behind Zukka fighting. (It’s in my notes idk why but I guess background details are a win) 

Aang and Iroh's interactions

NATLA Zuko (I don’t think there’s much of a difference though with the OG lol, and it’s probably because the NATLA directors/producers like Zuko) 

Camera direction 

The Found Family Hug™, what Netflix can do well.

End scene of Episode 1, is very cinematic. I can’t believe TV shows have come this far. I hope employees are paid well. 

The End Theme remains the saaame, and is added with cinematic effects as well.

The folly/sound effect at the start of Episode 2. Why is this the only episode with that flair? 

Creating a grave for Gyatso.

How Ozai’s forced unity/being totalitarian is represented. Reminds me so much of our own government, it amuses me. I know it’s not directly referencing that though. It’s good that they show it early on I guess. With the Fire Nation culty greeting as well. 

On a lighter note: THE AIR SPHERE/BALL whatevah, yes! More of this goofiness. How about instead of being inspired by GOT, NATLA should be inspired by Stranger Things in terms of fantasy + childhood simplicity balanced by this trauma they're going through. (Well, ST lacks worldbuilding cause it’s just normal Earth but anyway) 

Kyoshi Takeoveeer. I hope Roku gets more screen time someday though. Pls pls pls. 

They incorporated the OG character theme songs! Of course! The ones I noticed right away are the FireNation Siblings’. So if you watched OG Avatar and you watched the scene where a mysterious girl joins the infiltration of the FN Royal Palace, you’ll know who she is. 

Sorry not sorry, Daddy Dae Kim is daddying. (Although he did catch me off guard in Zuko’s Agni Kai lmao.) The plot.

The Aang VS Zuko fight! A reference to the Fortune Teller fight. The team did so well. 

Zuko The Master of Disguise Major In Stealing Clothes. Full-time Avatar researcher. 

A fourth wall foreshadows Bumi’s OOC for this version. Jet’s "he’s not like he used to be" in line. I mean they did warn us. 

Another 4th wall is the line “Things shouldn’t be here” referring to the prototype Fire Nation balloon. 

Nice animation with the retelling of Two Lovers legend.

Lu Ten Funeral scene ate. That single teaaaar. I recommend everyone who loves the animation to watch this scene. To feel something idk AHAHAHAH. 

The actors were convincing when interacting with CGI animals. Specifically the badger moles. 

ZUKO AND IROH SCENES! 

CGI’s great did not waste any money 

In Katara’s flashback. She experienced this in her present form. And when she was so scared to go to the place where her mom was killed, she immediately changed back to her young self. Like, I wanted that so bad when I was watching the flashback. I thought, this shouldn’t be the present-day Katara. There should be a moment when she switches back to young again. And they did. 

Big Iroh-like moment that makes you cry as an adult when Gyatso was reassuring Aang that the genoc*de wasn’t his fault, and shouldn’t blame himself. Ahh, and the subtle sadness as they say goodbye. 

Random eye drawing from Zuko. He’s an artist AHAHAHAH. Okay, I forgot which episode. Sincerely, unreliable narrator. 

Showing Zuko's scar when Aang says "Do you even know that lives are at stake". 

Basically every scene/plot they 1 by 1 copy from the show. Did not disappoint (well, maybe because OG showrunners were there). Blue Spirit, Siege of the North. 

Zuko’s room. I love me some character bedrooms. He’s like a TV Sitcom character for that. 

Gaang teamwork scenes! It works and it's dynamic. 

Hahn as an honorable man? Yes. I don’t like love triangles so much. I like me some camaraderie. And Ian (Sokka) acted well for feeling included and seen as Hahn recognized his value as warrior/intel. 

Zutara fight scene.

Two points that I don’t know if I like but it makes me realize some stuff:

Meek Katara. I know there are specific plot points that Feisty Katara is needed. But she was always nurturing, so I think it makes sense she’s…meek? That Jet scene explains it. Maybe because I relate to her being a log AHAHAHAH. But yeah, uh, I do not, ironically, have strong feelings against that water down.

Angry Bumi. IDK how to feel about him tbh. I always think Bumi is…harsh like that. Almost scary. But yeah, he never blames Aang. Still, it doesn’t feel out of place here. He will return anyway so he’s not this one-dimensional character that is only angry at his friend (hopefully). I never thought of how Bumi would actually feel. And that he will be upset, and now it’s sad because that’s like your friend when you were twelve years old and you wonder where he’s been all this time, and if he’s alive. And..war..never made it any better to process that emotion. So, we got two versions, one that is cautious and then eventually welcomes him, and another who's completely angry and blames a literal kid that he does not know the pain (from the war). Too real, and I personally don’t mind.