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raayllum · 23 days ago

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King of What? :: a S7 Ezran Meta

Introduction

Because S7 in particular gave me even more Ezran feelings than usual, and I thought "What's more fun than methodically breaking them down and sorting them into categories?" so here we are. We'll be looking at a lot (but not all) of Ezran's s7 arc as well as some holdovers from previous seasons. There are also some motifs to keep in mind, such as the:

Phoenix motif

Need motif (+ him and Callum later)

Reflection Motif

that we will dive into more later once they're more relevant / we can put the pieces in place. For now, a little background meta key up because S7 breaks Ezran down and then systematically builds him back up while also, in some ways, doing a complete overhaul.

So let's talk about it?

Pillars of Identity: Who is Ezran?

TDP is a series obsessed with a lot of things, but if I'd have to wager what the second core idea of the series is beyond the Cycle of Violence, I'd probably put in on a theme of Identity, specifically questions such as, "how do I, as a person, exist within the Cycle (breaking it, perpetuating it, both)?" and "who has, or is, my grief turning me into?" as they are deeply interrelated. To answer those questions, that requires establishing who a character is in 'normal life,' or outside of grief and the cycle (ie. trauma) and who they are within it.

With that in mind, I think Ezran has about five approximate pillars for his identity, in roughly this order:

Harrow's son

The king

Callum's brother

Zym's friend

Rayla's friend

I don't think that other characters pillars would be that different (Rayla's primary would also likely be her three duty bound parents) as it does make sense; most children's primary influence in life, especially as they grow, start with their parents as role models even if they may eventually separate and take an opposite road (love you Soren). Where Ezran differs, I think, is that while I don't know if Rayla would consciously conceptualize herself as her parents' daughter as her primary pillar, I do think that Ezran — especially Ezran in arc 2 — is always orienting himself around "I am Harrow's son" (for better or for worse in terms of what that means).

This is also why I put Ezran's identity as king as his second pillar. In his childhood / pre-s3, I think his second pillar would've been his identity as Callum's (little) brother. However, we see him place returning to his kingdom above helping Callum (brother) and Rayla (friend) returning Zym (another friend) to Xadia. The loss of his father strips away the relative safety of body and mind that being a prince comparatively gave him, fundamentally altering his internalized and externalized sense(s) of responsibility and his choices accordingly. It's the loss of his father and the subsequent grief, yes, which Callum also experiences, but uniquely the mantle of the throne as well, which is what he highlights in 7x02:

This all started the day that assassin came to Katolis and killed him. Our king. Our father. I never asked for this. I wasn't ready to be a king. I'm just a kid. That day changed me forever.

So let's talk about being the king. Let's talk about

The Crown

Ezran's crown is one of the few objects in the series to have an episode titled after it (3x02) and the only one I can remember that continues to be a symbol we consistently come back to throughout (i.e. unlike 1x07's "The Dagger and the Wolf"). Despite returning to Katolis to be king and sitting on the throne itself throughout the episode, Ezran struggles with the crown. It is, to him, in some manner different than the throne, despite ostensibly representing the same thing. He has, effectively, already made the choice to be king, yet persists in his doubt and hesitation as he struggles to learn the balance.

Opeli, however, contributes to that distinction, noting specifically that "the crown is a heavy burden to bear" and that "no one blames you for being a child". Ezran's choice to fully commit to, and his acquiring of the kingship fully, is made synonymous with him putting on his father's crown for the first time. In a lot of ways, Ezran returning home to Katolis was him realizing he can't run away from growing up (2x09) in his own words, and therefore that putting on the crown is him committing to becoming someone new: this is Grown Up Ezran, or Growing Up Ezran, actively. He is, from this day on by choice, no longer just a child, but also — more so — a king.

AARAVOS: The whining child king, in over his head, and he knows it. (4x04) DOMINA: Who is this child? ZUBEIA: He is a king! (5x01) KARIM: I've never negotiated with a child before. CORVUS: He is a king. (6x07)

This also folds into how Ezran conceptualizes his father. Again, as children often do, he looks to his father for guidance with the things that Ezran is struggling to handle per his sense of responsiblity (teaching Zym how to fly in season 2): "I just wish Dad was here. He'd know what to do, you know?"

When Ezran returns home in season three, he does so with the direct consequence of his father's actions on his shoulders and wrapped around his brow, and with his letter in hand, and these changes likewise reflect a more nuanced understanding of his father:

All of you knew King Harrow as a great king. He was a warrior, a leader, and a champion. But I knew him as my Dad, who loved me and my brother and our mom, and sometimes told really bad jokes. [...] I didn't see everything he had to do as king, but I do know my father had to make some very hard decisions... I haven't been through the things that made my father the king he was. So I've decided that I don't have to be the king my father was. My father made choices to keep fighting battles that started hundreds of years before he was born. To punish children for crimes their parents committed. I don't want to be that kind of king.

This is, of course, a speech made in the context of actively rejecting war and of pardoning those who would otherwise be punished, both things that Harrow did engage in directly and deeply regretted in the letter Ezran currently holds. Ezran then walks the balance of simultaneously rejecting who his father was, and honouring who his father was and who he wanted to be. This is perhaps best exemplified in season 3 of Ezran, two episodes after rejecting his father's 'way', having a mirrored path across the courtyard set to "Last Sunset" in one of their most overt parallels, prepared to give up his life and freedom in hopes others will make better choices with the (hopefully) renewed agency they now have.

By the time we get to season 4, Ezran has changed greatly. He's more confident as king, the team's resident diplomat and negotiator, and a lot more active in general, though not without plenty of room to grow. 4x03 offers a cold dose of reality that the road to the future he wants is going to be harder to walk, but still confident that we can get there because, "We all want peace, and we all want love."

He also has a more complicated yet positive view of his father as king and of the world at large. He best expresses this, perhaps, the first time he removes his crown (which is a permanent part of his identity, and of his character design):

I am King Ezran of Katolis. As my gift [of sacrifice], I offer you my crown. It has no jewels and it isn't made of precious metal. It's made from the steel of my father's sword. My father was a strong king, and I wanted to carry that strength with me. But he also taught me that strength isn't always about weapons and war. This crown reminds me of that lesson.

Rather than just seeing Harrow as something to not be, Ezran has come around to wanting to carry his father closely with him. He's learned that "peace demands just as much strength as war" and also decided to embody Harrow's closing thoughts as a king: "I now believe that true strength is found in vulnerability, in forgiveness, in love." A dual strength for a dual king, symbolized by Ezran taking his father's sword and reshaping it into something new.

Ezran is a King of Love as Strength. He is king because he's literally Harrow's son and heir, but also emotionally — narratively — Harrow's son in terms of breaking the cycle and choosing love (similarly how Janai in S7 becomes known as a queen of mercy just like her previous royal role model, Aditi). Harrow's son by fact, and Harrow's son by choice in some ways:

EZRAN: History doesn't have to be a narrative of strength. Not if we don't want it to be. It can be a narrative of love. KARIM: These are childish dreams. EZRAN: Not dreams, choices. I am a king. And as a king, I choose love over strength.

So Ezran being king, to him, is synonymous with choosing love as strength. With making choices. With being Harrow's son (positive). He forgives Zubeia and Avizandum because of Zym. He forgives Rayla because "I'm sure she doesn't mean to make [Callum] feel that way". He provides an anchor, a pillar, for other people to build their identity around ("Don't you remember who you are?") as a reminder and a lever (hi Soren). He can honour and strive to be better than his father simultaneously. He can hold pain and love in his heart at the same time.

Until he can't.

King of what? King of ashes? [Of nothing?]

In seasons 4 and 5, we see Ezran remove his crown. Both are about sacrifices: he is prepared to offer his crown to Rex Igneous and to Finnegrin in order to help with their mission, asserting its sentimental value and importance to him: "You must bring Rex Igneous a worthy gift." / "It's not worthless. It's really important to me."

In season 7, he removes it just once. This is in admission to Callum that he "never asked for this". He was given the option of being king or not being king, but neither would've necessarily made him happy, and he made the best choice with the options he had... Options that he never asked for in the first place. The crown being a reminder to choose strength over love? He never asked to have to learn that lesson, either. It was a burden placed on him in making the best out of a bad situation, which is — unfortunately — an unavoidable part of life. But it can still be, or feel, unfair to him.

I think we see this aspect of Ezran struggling with what he wanted vs what was forced upon him in how he (and others) in 7x02 treat his high ranking position. We've seen first hand in 5x01 that Callum would overrule something like Rayla — and Runaan by extension — being arrested, but Ezran has the final say here as king. However, he does not directly highlight his own ranking. Merely, he reminds his brother of Callum's position:

Callum. High Mage. We need you at this council meeting.

And Rayla ("you're not my king, but you are my friend") reminds Ezran of his, because it is Ezran's status as king — the power, the trauma — that is driving them apart:

So, King Ezran. How determined are you to stop me?

Being king gives Ezran control over the people around him — Opeli, Soren, Corvus, Aanya, Callum — and over what happens. It gives him control. A sense of safety. And while these are understandable desires, they swing the wrong way in his anger.

So let's talk about who they swing towards!

Targets (Sol Regem, Runaan, Callum)

Ezran's anger has three direct targets in season 7, and as such, it's easy to see the way each stacks on top of the other.

The initial one is Sol Regem ("We need to find Sol Regem and destroy him"). This leads to finding an already dead dragon, which means in addition to having no one to blame, it means Ezran has no way to know or understand why Sol Regem attacked Katolis (beyond a hatred of humans). The destruction of the castle feels like losing his family all over again, in some ways, in addition to his childhood home.

Then lo and behold, the man responsible for killing his father walks right into it.

You! This is all your fault! Everything changed the day you came. You killed my father!

I think this line shows a few things. As king, Ezran was supposed to protect and be there for Katolis (2x09) while also working to break the cycle. That's what, by Ezran's measure, a good king would do. He's utterly failed at the former, and if he's a bad king, then he shouldn't be king. So whose fault is it that Ezran, a bad king, is on the throne? Logistically and emotionally, it's Runaan. It's not quite rational but it is reasonable for Ezran to look at every event in his life from the past two years spiralling out from his father's death, and culminating in Katolis' destruction.

However, despite Runaan becoming the next target of Ezran's anger, he's not actually the most consistent target of it throughout the season: Callum is.

After 7x02, Ezran doesn't breathe a single word of ire about Runaan for the rest of the series, even if he's still clearly angry months later in the 7x09 'epilogue'. Instead in 7x03, he's fixated on finding and dragging his brother back as punishment ("we can't let him get away with it!") for betrayal, which Ezran also takes personally and extends beyond himself: "Callum betrayed me. He betrayed all of Katolis."

The idea that a king represents his kingdom is an old one in terms of history, and considering that Runaan killed the king of Katolis, and Callum helped him escape, it's not that much of a reach. However, Ezran isn't even thinking that logically. If Ez was proposing hunting down the kingslayer and bringing him back to face justice, that'd be one thing. However, he only talks about holding Callum accountable, not even Rayla (who also betrayed him) or Runaan (the escaped prisoner).

His targets, quite literally, switched from Aanya having her arrow notched at Runaan and then to his brother, and Ezran's anger has subsequently followed.

Now, some of this is undoubtedly because of the three, Ezran is the closest to Callum. They had a childhood together and Callum was customarily always in his corner, if sometimes a bit scatterbrained/unreliable or angry. He, accordingly, expected Callum to be on his side, and barring that (stopping him from going after Rayla in the meeting) was prepared to enforce it. A lot of our emotional upset tends to come from "I expected you to understand/support me, and you don't" after all.

However, I think Ezran's emotional interplay is a bit more complicated. I think in 7x01, Ezran attaches to Callum as an extension of himself even as he self-isolates, such as sending Callum to go with Corvus "because we have to do something" in investigating Sol Regem, and for no real in-universe reason besides "Corvus offered to go, but I need to feel in control so I'm going to tell/order someone to go with him".

The other, bigger part of this is that Callum is the biggest hole in Ezran's reasoning.

EZRAN: He killed our father. Isn't that enough?

We know that part of Ezran's grief is that it forced him to be king and grow up quickly, something that Callum is adjacent to but can't relate to in the same way by virtue of not having the crown. But since the reasoning Ezran highlights is that 1) Runaan is a murderer (unlike the bulk of the people at his council table—oh wait) and 2) it's okay/right to punish him for killing their father... having his brother, who is also King Harrow's son (cue the identity pillar) disagree is a pretty big blow to it. They both loved their dad; he was their father, and they were both his sons. Callum is in the closest position imaginable to Ezran as anyone could be, emotionally, yet they have two completely different perspectives. It gives Ezran's reasoning much less ground to stand on, and he can't handle it. The fact that Callum's perspective (which was already a betrayal in its own way) then becomes action (which is what Ezran labels the betrayal), I think, is just the cherry on top.

Another thing that's worth noting, I think, is that neither Ezran or Callum are necessarily the ones who escalate things in 7x02; Aanya and Rayla are. Soren, Corvus, and the other guards are working under Ezran as his crownguard, but Aanya and Rayla are the rogue parties. Aanya isn't operating under Ezran's jurisdiction, but as his friend and ally. What this does mean, though, is that literally everyone at the Banther Lodge is on Ezran's side against Rayla and her weakened, injured father... except Callum, but as a mage, he's enough to tip the scales to take down the crownguard... and then use himself as a human shield.

One of the things about Ezran's anger and its targets in season 7 is that it does a very good job at illustrating exactly why the Cycle is so destructive to participate in, because yes, you may aim your anger at the people who 'deserve' it and are directly responsible—the acceptable, understandable Targets if you will—but you catch others in the crossfire. There is always collateral damage of people who didn't do a thing to you, whether that's the people who love them, or the people who are like them. (Insert Zubeia wanting to take revenge for the loss of her mate and child, claiming the lives of the assassins sent to take it, and then Lyrennus' pain at the loss of his child + Ethari's at the loss of his partner.) There is no clean way to kill your enemy in a manner that does no harm to anyone else (who is innocent).

Ezran's targets by proxy of wanting to deal with Sol Regem's destruction of Katolis are the dragons and Zym (more on them in a second, though, cause that deserves its own section). His targets by proxy of wanting to punish Runaan is causing deep pain to Rayla, even before she's taken any action against him, and then on a more literal sense his own brother. His targets by proxy of wanting to drag Callum back by force likely would've been Runaan, Rayla, potentially Ethari, or even Corvus or other crownguard in the fight.

Callum shielding Runaan (and Rayla by extension) force Ezran to confront this fact, at least a little. Does he value punishing Runaan (and Rayla, a girl who's saved him countless times, who was willing to lose a hand for him, who has otherwise always taken his side)—perpetuating the cycle—over his brother's life. And Ezran is angry enough that he good and truly considers it (although we could say perhaps he was waiting to see if Callum would move out of the way). But where Ezran was willing to hurt Rayla emotionally if it meant physically punishing Runaan, he is not willing to risk killing Callum to keep the assassin as a prisoner.

This is also, I think, the turning point for Aanya. She is Ezran's friend and was willing to follow his lead, and upon seeing the choice that Ezran made—sparing Callum over killing him and Runaan—she shifts gears. She and everyone else (who are deeply uncomfortable with Ezran's increasing rage, but unwilling to speak out against it) recognize that pursuing and punishing Callum will not actually making Ezran feel better. So she tries a different tactic.

EZRAN: We can't let him get away with it. Corvus, I need you to track them. CORVUS: [Gently corrects him] King Ezran, we already know where they're going. The Silvergrove. EZRAN: Right. And that's why I need you to track them. (7x03)

I also think Ezran taking 'being king' as such a core identity piece—Callum was Harrow's son too, but not in the way Ezran wanted/needed—lets Aanya reach him. She's also a child monarch, and reminding Ezran of this and that he and Callum can heal ("But I'll always be your brother" / "You're brothers") is something that Ezran deeply needed to hear from someone else, too.

AANYA: I know it hurts right now, Ezran. But you need to know that you and Callum are not broken. The both of you will heal one day. You're brothers. It's okay to be angry, and it's okay to be sad. But I think you should let this go, for now. You're the king of Katolis, and your people need you. EZRAN: You're right. I need to protect them.

EZRAN: But Katolis needs me. (4x03)

However, that doesn't mean Aanya's advice, nor how Ezran pursues that protection is faultless, so next, let's talk about

Dragons as Friends and Foes

Ezran has always been the dragon boy.

Back in 2021, I wrote a more long winded post that basically boiled down to—in a show where elf, human, and dragon relations are key—it was likely that Callum was always designed to be the human who engaged the most with the culturally elven side of things (primal magic, Rayla being his lancer), and Ezran (with his ability to talk to animals) was designed to handle the dragon-human side of things. Think how we see Callum's first meeting with Rayla, an elf, while Ezran is the one who discovers Zym as a dragon egg.

Although other characters (namely Rayllum in S3, and Soren in seasons 4-6) bond with dragons as well, this remained true throughout arc 2, wherein Ezran is the closest to Zym and Zubeia, the primary negotiator with the various archdragons, going on his 'big dragon missions' (5x01-5x03), etc.

Season seven, therefore, presents an interesting departure in Ezran's view of dragons. Previously, while they should've been enemies, he always saw them as friends and allies: being the first to run to and aid Pyrrah in 2x07, trying to commune with Zubeia to wake her up in 3x08, defending Avizandum in 4x08 on behalf of Zym, etc.

Sol Regem's attack changes all of that. As Ezran states:

But doesn't a home need to be safe? [...] Our ancestors spent generations building Katolis. I don't want to waste our time if it's all going to get knocked down. [...] We have to be ready. We have to be strong enough so that they won't even think about attacking us. Before we rebuild, we have to build our defenses.

In season 4 and 5, all Ezran wanted to do was work with the dragons. To work together with Zubeia to stop Aaravos; to call upon the dragons to help stop Claudia and Viren. Now, the dragons are a 'them'. Now there's an 'us'.

This isn't necessarily a 'wrong' way to think about it, though. An archdragon did attack and devastate Katolis, seemingly — to Ezran — for no apparent reason. To want to prevent that from happening is reasonable. Yes, Ezran is friends with dragons, but most friends aren't also born with the inherent capacity to utterly destroy your life as a built in feature.

At the same time, this new 'us vs them' mindset is challenged a few times in season 7. Although Ezran's assurances to Zym that "we're only building such powerful weapons so that we never have to use them" will not work out without consequences in arc 3, I'm sure, thus far we only see Ezran use them on another enemy he's willing to be increasingly violent with: Aaravos.

In 7x07, the Startouch elf offers up a double serving of manipulation — the bigger one being to join him and that he's humanity's ally, which Ezran steadfastly rejects, and the smaller one beneath regarding the Nova Blade (+ Callum), which Ezran 100% plays into. Both of these push Ezran further as a character.

The first avenue that Ezran rejects leads him to claim that:

I have allies already. The elves and dragons, fellow victims of your evil.

Even if the only elf he's currently working with is a recent addition is Terry, forcing Rayla and Runaan to go on the run in 7x02, and his draconic ally in Zym is deeply worried about Ezran and Aanya's project. But it shows that despite his coldness towards previous allies, Ezran still holds unity close and refuses to relinquish it entirely as an ideal.

Secondly, we have Ezran's choice to use the Nova Blade. This is both a departure and in line with his thoughts in 5x06:

CALLUM: We borrow this Nova Blade, wait for Aaravos to get out, and then just stab-stab, buh-bye bad guy. EZRAN: Wait, slow down. Shouldn't that be the last resort? If we can stop Aaravos from getting out at all, we can solve this without any violence.

On the one hand, Ezran in 7x08/09 is just following through with what he said here. If Aaravos was still trapped, they didn't need to resort to violence. Now that he's out, violence is accordingly on the table, just as Ezran said it would be. However, I think it still feels like a departure in some ways because of Ezran's repeated emphasis on strength and love over violence, and his choice (4x08, 5x06) to melt his father's sword down into a crown... only to now acquire a sword that isn't made for defense whatsoever, but for the express purpose of killing.

That said, more on the Nova Blade in a second.

For now, I want to return to the archdragons, and just do a little season track:

7x01: Ezran finds out an archdragon / former king of the dragons destroyed Katolis. Furious, he wants to destroy Sol Regem in turn, but cannot as the great dragon is already dead.

7x02: Ezran takes out his anger on Runaan, Zubeia's servant assassin.

7x03-7x05: Ezran goes with Aanya to learn how to build weapons that can stand a chance against dragons / archdragons, in spite of Zym's misgivings.

7x07: Despite Callum giving Ezran the mission to go retrieve Zubeia, Ez delegates it to his crownguard + Terry, choosing to remain in Katolis and converse with Aaravos instead to "keep [Aaravos] busy".

7x09: Ezran (and co.) are spared from sacrificing their lives and "everything we are" because of the archdragons, who all sacrifice themselves to stop Aaravos. Ezran holds Zym while his parents / Zubeia die, and then instructs a memorial to be created in the Valley of the Graves.

So, after a season of being angry at an archdragon, at seeing dragons as potential enemies... Ezran and everyone / everything he loves is saved by those very same creatures. Instead of destroyers who force him to sacrifice, they are saviours who choose to sacrifice on his behalf. This doesn't remove responsiblity from Ezran's shoulders per se—in many ways, a world without archdragons adds to it, as he states, "It's up to us now, Zym" (in a nice callback to 1x03)—but I do think it greatly contributes to his perspective in his closing scene this season.

One of the ways it does so is bringing back the gift motif from 4x08, not only in "worthy gifts of sacrifice" but in Ezran's realization that:

We offered gifts that meant a lot to us. But the truth is, they don't mean anything to you.

being directly contrasted in 7x09, with:

AARAVOS: And what will your sacrifices buy? A mere moment of peace before I return to a world without you? Without archdragons. Your deaths mean nothing.

EZRAN: They have given us a great gift. A chance to keep on living. Keep trying to be better.

The first time Ezran spoke of the dragons in 4x01, it was with excitement for Zubeia and Zym's visit to Katolis. He believed "it would change how people see dragons". He offered gifts of friendship and peace in the Valley of the Graves, only for the portrait to be defaced. By the end of season 7, Ezran's desire for people to see the dragons differently has come true, and his honouring of Zubeia is allowed to stand in a way that's far more permanent than a painting.

OPELI: It's the gift ceremony. I'm concerned that holding in the Valley of the Graves is insensitive. EZRAN: Wait, what? It's a sacred beautiful place. It's a place of peace. OPELI: Some people have come to me in confidence. They worry that honouring a dragon in a place that is a memorial to so many great humans, some of whom died at their hands, is offensive. (4x03)

EZRAN: Aaravos pushed us to to the brink. We were ready to sacrifice it all. Everything. You and me, Callum, Rayla... We almost gave up everything we are. But because of them, the archdragons, we didn't have to.

Now, I don't think this change at the end of the season will be enough necessarily for Ezran to halt Project Ruby Fire. I don't think it undoes the hard choices he's made or the things he's learned about himself. But I do think it asserts what he's aspiring towards, and helps direct himself to who he wants to be and how he's going to proceed going forward (Evrkynd, Runaan).

Speaking of which, let's finally talk about Runaan. Again.

A Phoenix

I've alluded to this this a bit before, but I think one of the main reasons Ezran chose to forgive Runaan was because of the archdragons' sacrifice. The dragons gave him a chance to keep living, to keep trying to be better—and Ezran then turns and gives that "great gift" in turn to Runaan. I don't know if I think that Ezran would've otherwise had Runaan executed, but forgiveness even more than just being spared is a much more active choice in a lot of ways, and not something that Ezran had to conflate, but chose to.

The other reason I think Ezran chose to forgive Runaan is because, as of the end of S7, he's been Runaan.

As an assassin, I had convinced myself that I was a kind of peacemaker. A twisted peacemaker, I suppose. I believed that my act of precision violence was preferable... necessary, even, to prevent far greater bloodshed.

[...] I was trained to accept that I was already dead, so that I might carry out my dark work without fear. But I am not dead. I am alive. I have a family I love. I have so much to lose, the very things I took from you.

"They have given us a great gift. A chance to keep on living."

Ezran now understands how someone can believe that to keep back chaos and death, you have to kill another person. To believe in your bones that someone has to die, even if that means your own destruction. That doesn't mean Runaan was right about Harrow, or that Ezran is necessarily wrong about Aaravos, but the journey to get there, the mindset, of how undeterred you are when you reach that place... Ezran's been there. He knows, now, in ways he didn't before.

He forgave Zubeia because everything was complicated: because he could relate to longing for his mother (Zym), to watching his father grieve his wife the same way Zubeia was grieving Avizandum, to wanting to protect his kingdom (Avizandum). To grieving family. Of a child who had lost things.

He forgives Runaan because he can understand being an assassin, and already dead, and realizing you almost lost / have forsaken your family along the way. Of violence testing you, and failing, and having to try again. To reforge yourself into something new—because the true heart you had before is gone, but that doesn't mean your heart is.

Ezran stands in front of the fireplace twice in season 7. The first is with Zym in 7x02 and where he has his initial disagreement with Callum. The second time is with Runaan in 7x09, a fire in his eyes. This evokes not only Ezran's fury and association with the dragons, but also the framing of Aaravos from earlier in the season.

Ezran once asked if he was now the king of ashes. 7x09 demands him to answer if he wants to keep being a King of Ashes. If he wants to continue feeding his anger and hate, if he wants to continue fuelling the fire of hatred and grief within him. And Ezran says no. He says yes to forgiveness, though this time, he does not know the way:

EZRAN: But it's not that simple or easy. [...] Somehow, we have to hold it all in our hearts at the same time. (4x03) CALLUM: But somehow, you got past that. You forgave her, because everything was complicated. (7x02) EZRAN: I'm going to forgive you. I don't know how, but I have to try. (7x09)

He is presented with a phoenix (Runaan, back from the grave) and chooses to become one himself, and welcome back in all the other pillars of identity that had been crumbling over the past season.

EZRAN: I think about the people I love who are counting on me to do the right thing. Not the strong thing, not the harsh thing. The right thing. Do you love your sister, Prince Karim? (6x07)

It's sort of fitting, then, that in choosing once again to be Harrow's son (positive), he's presented with a more literal bird phoenix in "Harrow's soul in is in Pip" then, too.

And the same rebirth goes for the world around him, too.

ASTRID: Everything burns when a star dies. (7x09)

OPELI: King Ezran... perhaps it is finally time to rebuild. EZRAN: No. It's time to build something new. [...] Our world faced its end. But we survived. And on the other side, we find ourselves at a new beginning. [...] There is no such thing as utopia. But with hard work and discipline, persistence and patience, we can build a better place.

The Crown, Again (reforge into something new)

So I've talked about the reflection motif, and I've talked now about the phoenix motif. There's still more I could touch on in regards to Ezran's whole thing with Aaravos and the Orphan Queen, the layers of Aaravos' manipulation, the theme of following in your predecessors' footsteps and the good and harm that can come of it, but that's probably a meta for another day. For now, I want to return to the Need motif we touched on earlier.

TDP is very interested in questioning what characters deem necessary. Thus far, this was mostly done through Aaravos ("Aaravos did what was necessary" / "we will do what must be done"), Claudia ("I did what I had to do" / "Maybe he's just doing what needs to be done" / Whatever it takes, however dangerous, however vile"), and Viren ("I tried to explain that I had only done what was necessary"). S7 starts to shift gears and push further at the main trio, questioning and picking apart some of their mindsets (which again, could be a meta on its own) in regards to what sort of violence they believe is necessary and why, only for none of it to actually have been so because of the Archdragons. A nice little meta-narrative reflection.

What I want to actually focus on here is Ezran's idea of need. This is usually couched within his place of being king, and loyalty to his kingdom, as we've seen previously ("But Katolis needs me" / "You are the king of Katolis, and your people need you").

EZRAN: I wish [Zym] could come with me too, but you need to go be with your mom. That's your home. Both of us need to go home. (2x09)

So Ezran believes that needs to be king because Katolis needs him. Great. What does Ezran need?

Season 7 gives various answers, according to himself:

"Callum. High Mage. We need you at this council meeting" (7x02)

"We can't let [Callum] get away with it. Corvus, I need you to track them" (7x03)

"I need to protect [my people]" (7x03)

"Destiny works in mysterious ways. The Novablade came to my ancestor, only to be lost for generations until we needed it" (7x09).

The other people in his life have other ideas, as discussed.

ZUBEIA: But Zym, you must go. Your brother Ezran needs you. (6x02)

AANYA: But you need to know that you and Callum are not broken. The both of you will heal one day. You're brothers.

CALLUM: Mom said it was okay to be angry, but I couldn't let the bad feelings stick. Because we were going to need each other. Because we're brothers. I still need you, Ezran.

Broken things can be mended. Crowns and swords can be reforged. People can be, too. As much as Ezran loves his council and his crownguard, he needs people who don't just see him as king. Callum is not his High Mage, but will always be his brother, and that's what's most important. He needs Callum and Rayla and Zym; he needs Aanya who can help keep him grounded. He needs his family because they help keep him who he is as much as he has for them in the past ("Don't you remember who you are?" in 4x07) now that it is up to them to maintain it, and the archdragons are gone.

And to be himself, Ezran needs to be:

Harrow's son with accordance to a Narrative of Love

The King of Katolis

Callum, Zym, and Rayla's brother

rising from the ashes and bringing others up with him, over and over again the way he always has. The way he always will.

Because not all cycles are bad, either.

Conclusion

As stated, there's more to Ezran's arc in S7: ideas of history and half-truths, of chains and Startouch elves, of home and memorials. Of what we carry against our will, what we choose to set down, and vice versa. What this meta was, then, was the first at likely two passes, focusing on Ezran's emotional state(s) throughout the season and his emotional processing. More structural and thematic based analyses of his character in S7 / across the show thus far will definitely folllow.

For now, though, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed a bit of a deeper dive!

All hail the king.

#ezran #tdp ezran #tdp meta #tdp #the dragon prince #tdp spoilers #s7 spoilers #arc 2 #s7 #7x02 #7x03 #7x09 #analysis series #analysis #reflection motif #need motif #phoenix motif #i spent 2.5 weeks on this im so glad it's finally done

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timkontheunsure · 3 months ago

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A CBT look at Blitz's core beliefs

Boring explanationy bit

Ok first off a core belief is this how the world works sort of thought. It has a ton of evidence on it side, or some big life altering event. Acting within is designed to kept you safe. And everyone has good and bad ones.

Think of it as of a short bit of base code running in the background, helping you go with your gut. A quick a short cut, but one that's got a lot of logic and past facts behind it.

They're mostly set up in childhood. So if you have an abusive parent, or trauma, you can get ones that become unhelpful for you in other situations. Like with people that really care about you.

A distortion is a little different. They affect how you look at the wold based off your mood, and are always negative. They specifically don't have a lot of evidence on their side. Like a prism that makes things a little different than what's really there.

They are an action to do based on your mood: catastrophizing (when everybody I love leaves me next year)

Black & white thinking (yes there's all this evidence showing Stolas cares, but that doesn't count as it just sex).

Thought spiraling (this one goes to Moxxie heh)

Or snap judgments based only only how your mood is (Ghostfuckers is fun and sexy, so we should take the case when I know they don't exist).

Blitz's core beliefs

So 'all royals are assholes' and 'no royal will care about an imp' are a core beliefs. Because this is definitely true, the 1% don't give a fig. (Stolas and Ozzie are basically round errors from what we've seen).

"I'm going to die alone" is also one.

So is "I make everyone's lives worse"

But his good ones are: "we don't get rid of family",

Ok with these two good ones we're going to have to go into rules for life. Blitz core belief is about family sticks together and protects each other. That's his code that always wants to run.

But he's also got evidence that family will kick you out for not being good enough, and hurting/killing people on accident. When you get code clashing you get cognitive dissidence, which physically hurts.

So you do a patch to reduce that pain. A rule to live by. 'If X is right and Y is right, then the variable that off is me.'

'We don't get rid of family, but we do get rid of me = I'm the only one who we can get rid of'.

With Loona it's we get orphanage lady saying words that could have come straight out of Cash's mouth. (I want Blitz to get a song telling that git off so hard).

Those hit Blitz hard, so hard he changed his mind on adopting a small little child, to a older teenage. CBT says that when something hits that hard it's because it hit at least 1 core belief. He sees himself in Loona in that moment, and never want another kid to be gotten rid of.

And other one could be bad or good depending on what's around it. 'I will be of use to family/people I love'. Blitz needs to feel useful to the people he loves, especially with growing in a family business working from being a kid.

And the rule Blitz has made for himself between the "I'm going to die alone" + 'I will be of use to family' = 'But maybe if I'm useful they won't abandoned of me yet'

(Also how sad it is that Blitz feels he's only allowed help, and support if it's a tit for tat, favours for favours exchange).

So everyone has a mixed bag of these good and bad. The problem happened when trauma responses give you ones that don't help you in a new situation. Like say a demon prince falling head over heels for him.

The idea of CBT is that if your struggling to look at what's changed since the core beliefs were set up. And if it isn't keeping you safe anymore, then you try to replace the old one with a new one; that has new evidence that backs it up. A update.

Like how Millie shows Blitz concrete examples of him improving her life. Just telling him he hasn't wrecked her life wouldn't work.

(This is one of reasons why Stolas' confection doesn't stick with Blitz. Blitz needs to know reasons why someone like Stolas loves him. It why he asks him in apology tour. Stolas tell your boy why he's so amazing for flips' sake).

Millie shows how joining IMP positively improved her live. "He gave me so much...A career, a husband, a future. And now...He's my best friend."

And Blitz helping Millie through alot of her own negative self talk she had. That 'she's not good enough', 'she's only the muscle', 'that Pride's too fancy for imps', and 'no imp works for them selves'.

These we're all Millie's core beliefs before joining IMP, if she still had these Rolando's words would have hurt her. But through having the support and example of Blitz she's removed those old bits of code.

When see her mum it obvious where and why she has these ideas about herself. Lynn describes her full time job, being employed direct by a company; as "Freelance". Because Imps can't work for themselves. (Even if she is impressed by Blitz). It's like different between working for Uber, instead of taxi firm. No protections, and an unsafe unstable job.

She pulls up her daughter's valid explanation why she lost the fight as "Excuses!", because Millie was "'raised better than that' as the muscle of the team.

She's very against Moxxie for being too week, and not having the same melee skills as Millie.

It obvious that she wants her daughter to have a similar life as her, where she keeps her head down, and has a partner that is able to defend Millie. This because there's a level of safety in this crab bucket attitude. She'd very unlikely to come to the notice of higher-ups. Like how Stolas being very involved in IMP and with Blitz.

But Blitz talked Millie round, and also showed her that she doesn't have to pigeon hole herself like that. She has years of evidence that Blitz could do it, and him pointing out how good she is when she fell back into thinking of herself as just the muscle.

Rolando's trying to exploit vulnerability that she's updated against. (It's super ineffective).

Ok after that sight side tangent of with Millie's head, back to Blitz's.

The "your going to die alone" has become a self-fulfilling prophecy, tripping Blitz up alot. Because it comes twofold for his fear of hurting his loved ones, making their life worse, and his fear of abandonment. Because he was abandoned, that did happen.

Making him feel like he has it to push away the people he love for there own, and that they'll leave him eventually so might as well push them away now. He's got a lot of previous evidence tied to this.

It's going to take more then Fizz and Millie telling him he didn't ruin theirs, for him to start to be able to unpick this. Because he's still certain it's true. Even if he's improved the lives of most of the people he knows.

And even Fizz who were directly effected by the mistake Blitz still punishing himself for, has told him that being made disabled didn't ruin his life.

There's a whole debate in my head whether Barbie would have had such trouble with addiction; if she wasn't assuming/told that her brother started the fire on purpose, that killed their mum. I'm honestly not sure. But it does seem like her resentment over it has made it harder on her. And that all seems to stem from Cash abuse. (I'm sure Cash is the one to tell Blitz that Fizz said he'd die alone).

Ok on to how the these are interacting/fucking up his relationship to Stolas. Blitz is definitely is afraid to love Stolas for a number of reasons. (You knew I'd get there at somepoint right 😛).

Cus a whole load are clashes together for him, making it really difficult for him because about see things from the outside. with the "royal demons don't give a shit about guys like us" one.

Making Blitz rationalize that it's gotta be about the sex, and being of use. Anything that shows this assumption is wrong has to be disregarded with distortion.

But when Stolas takes sex off the table, and still talking about feeling, and relationships; it makes Blitz's fear of abandonment go turbo. It's not rational but it's the only rule Blitz has that might make Stolas keep him.

He feels like that sex is all he has to give to a prince after all. And he wanted Stolas to stay for a long while now. It's not a grimoire his hallucinations put on a golden pedestal after all. And there a a lot of similarity to how Stolas and his Mumma vanish.

(Debøra pør favør pointed out this emotion damage so now you have to suffer too 😭https://x.com/_Choco_torta/status/1859028103772955135)

"I'm going to die alone" and 'I must be of use' Blitz freaks out badly in queen Bee after Ozzie's. Blitz believed that he's be rejected by Stolas, he's been shoved back into the box of it just being about lust.

Because he wants more, but feels he's unworthy, it's got him hurt coming and going. He's got to shut down any attempt by Stolas to have something real. But he was also hurt constantly feeling sex is all that he's got to offer, and all Stolas would want.

"I make everyone's lives worse" and "We don't get get rid of family". Ok this is into theory level but think Master Mind and Sinsmas are going hit these last two harddddd. (We're one week from mastermind).

It looks likely that Stolas is going to lose Via, face punishment for the illegal deal, and be dragged for the affair. With Via swallowing a lot gaslighting about not being loved by Stolas (lines from the trailer).

Blitz will probably going assume it's another another life he's made worse, where he's caused them to lose their own family. Don't think this will play well with last guy he fell in love with he blow up.

It's going to make it much harder for him to remove the idea; that that him loving some will only hurt them.

Alot of the reasons Blitz thought it was ok to get close to Stolas are tied up in these beliefs. He assumes Stolas was powerful and immortal, so couldn't be hurt physically like Fizz or Mumma.

He assumed that a prince would never fall for an imp, so only he could get hurt emotionally. It couldn't end the same way as Verosika. Blitz thinking he's the only one to be able to be hurt, and get to be useful not just to Stolas, but provide a better life for his whole family. It would seem like a bargain. (And the self punishment aspect probably wasn't going be a turn off for him, cus Blitz thinks he deserves it).

This season seems slow be eroding that pedestal Blitz put Stolas on (and vice versa). It's hurts, and it's knocking the stuffing out of both of them; but it's bring Stolas to earth for Blitz. Making his more of a real person in his eyes.

Eh probably a lot way to go, but I'm here for it.

(was very loosely based on this post, because it got me thinking about distortions vs core beliefs. But then I went off on a whole thing, so thought it would be weird to put it as a reblog. Still loved @akirathedramaqueen analysis and would recommend giving it a read 😀)

#helluva boss #blitz helluva boss #CBT helluva boss #stolitz #isn't as tidy as I'd like because of head problems sorry about that #helluva analysis #And again hitting the picture limit... Doh

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peachdues · 2 months ago

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peach thank you for the compass teasers! I love seeing Sanemi being down horrendously. If you’re okay with sharing, can you give us some insight into the next chapter? No rush queen 🫶🏻♥️

Awww thanks friend!! I can give some idea, sure!

Last chapter was focused on Sanemi x Reader and them finally getting together. Next chapter is a return back to the plot — so more Corps activities. You’ll also see a full hashira meeting and get an idea of some tension among them.

Beyond that, the next chapter also focuses a lot on Sanemi navigating his new relationship — and what that looks like for him. Compass really is a study of Sanemi’s self loathing, so next chapter is also the first time Sanemi begins to open up to Reader about his childhood (ie his mother and his parents in general) and you’ll see how much that trauma has affected him — and dictates how he navigates his relationship with Ms. Bookstore. Especially when it comes to intimacy.

A main point of tension in the story is Sanemi’s efforts to keep his life within the Corps separate from his life with Reader — naturally, the two are going to converge eventually, so that’s all being set up in the background!

Annnnnnd next chapter is setting up for a major death

#🍑’s asks

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beifong-brainrot · 5 months ago

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Suyin wasn't "coerced" to commit a crime, neither did she want to take herself out of the situation. She wanted to get her friends out of paying for their crimes because she's spoiled and entitled.

She didn't "have" to travel the world, she was sent to family members to take her away from a criminal and endangering environment, and she decided to escape because she's too much of a pick me girl to stay with the so called family "that didn't show her affection". To be honest, you speak of her as some kind of adult avatar-styled Rapunzel, instead of a teenager who deserved to be reprimanded.

She did turn her life around, and kudos to the creators for showing that. No one can say that her story and background is boring by any chance.

She, however, is not the most likeable character out there to a big part of the fandom, but I seriously doubt someone is taking it as seriously as you seem to do. Just chill.

Istg this happens almost everytime I post something mildly touching on the fact that Suyin deserves compassion too. Though you may be the same anon who blew up my inbox a while back so it might just be you.

I've always found the disdain we have for "troubled teens" upsetting because usually, when a teenager "acts out", there's more of a reason behind it that just "ooh they're spoilt or entitled".

[Trigger warning for self harm and suicidal ideation mentions]

Like, I was a very difficult teen back in the day. I argued with my parents, even got into physical altercations, skipped school, ran away from home at night. I was also going through a severe depression, dealing with a shitton of childhood trauma, cutting on the regular and making multiple attempts on my life. Hell, if my parents had brushed me off as "a kid who needs to be disciplined" I probably would've killed myself at 14. It doesn't excuse me for punching my dad in the stomach when he was just trying to stop me from running away into the night but it doesn't mean I didn't deserve help.

[End of Trigger Warning]

These two things can be correct at the same time. Suyin can have done a shitty thing that deserves reprimand and that she needs help that she seemingly had to find on her own. But like, guess which of these two is almost exclusively focused on.

And I mean, it's totally not like the Avatar fandom has a habit of expressing extreme hate towards young girls (especially young girls of colour) making sub optimal choices or just beind "annoying". I've just never seen that before.

Suyin grew up with Toph, who Lin herself has described like this:

Suyin : No, no. My children are a blessing. Lin: Yeah, mom used to say that too, but she never meant it.

Which btw, still an incredibly hillarious thing to say in front of Suyin's children: "Hi kids I'm your aunt Lin and your mother is lying about loving you"

While Suyin has, as a child, expressed doubt that Toph would even care that she's skipping school. And as an adult, she has described her childhood with Lin as "competing for their mother's affection" and still has doubts whether or not her mother is happy with how either of them turned out.

Hell, even though Su and Toph have been said to have made up, Toph still maintains a heavy layer of distance between them, seemingly dissappearing for years at a time!

It's honestly sad how Suyin hugs Toph and puts up statues of her everywhere in Zaofu and yet Toph still just fucked off to the swamp when Opal was probably less then ten and did not contact them.

I mean, sounds like there's not a lot of motherly affection going on there, dude. Idk what to tell ya. We know there were no fathers around either.

And Lin was also a victim of this environment, so I don't really want this to come off as me blaming her for the way she acted towards Su. But Lin is hardly what I would call affectionate.

So of course Suyin would put so much stock in her relationships outside the house. And her friends happened to be fucking criminals fucking hell. And of course Lin, being a kid too did not know how to approach this situation properly, so she inadvertently just pushed Suyin closer to them by insulting them and making her feel defensive.

Because that's what all fucking teens do. The internalise things, they rely on their peers to form their perception of things and they want to be independent. So when someone, especially someone who isn't a parent tries to control them, guess how they'll react? They dig their heels in. Especially a teen like Suyin who has virtually no reason to listen to her older sister other than a vague "I know better than you" type of vibe which really pisses teens off. That's like the time when talking down to them is the worst thing to do.

And fuck off with saying getting arrested and screamed at by your sister in the middle of the road isn't a stressful situation that you wolud wanna get out of. Lin punched a car so hard it dented! (Especially that Lin has already been confirmed to use her status as a police officer against people she has a vendetta against, like when SHE TRIED TO THROW PEMA IN JAIL FOR STEALING HER MANS like how tf did we brush over that)

What I always find interesting in this scene is the front that Su puts on in front of Lin, which slips up a few times, particularly when Lin can't see her expression. Because Suyin is, of course being a fucking brat and taunting Lin, but you can clearly see that she's stressed out.

Suyin also describing the reason she helped her friends as a getaway driver is something I find interesting:

Suyin: I didn't steal anything. I just drove the car. I owed my friends a favor. It's not a big deal.

Of course she's scared and minimising her involvement but the usage of "owing her friends" could very easily imply her not exactly being too hyped about this, as well as her insistence on not stealing anything.

Because the thing about Suyin is that, especially in the flashbacks, we see her only in Lin's PoV. We don't see her relationship with her friends, what led up to the robbery, anything. Which makes sense, because the flashbacks are supposed to be Lin's. But that means we're viewing Su with the inherent bias of Lin, who clearly has an agenda against Su.

Lin clearly blames Suyin for Toph leaving policework, despite us later seeing how burnt out and cynical Toph was about being a cop. Its more likely that Su's arrest was a wake-up call for Toph, but she left due to the buildup of stress and disillusionment and Lin, who has been idolising her mother and her mother's career blamed it on Suyin in her head.

Hell, even they made up, Lin still immediately pivots to accusing Suyin of being involved in the Red Lotus' attack. Despite the attack placing Suyin's life, the lives of her sons and the lives of her guards at risk and Suyin going out of her way to thwart it.

And Suyin's life is just a fucking mess after this point like: betrayal by close friend, daughter kidnapped by terrorists, anarchy in the kingdom, leaders of 2 foreign governments trying to pressure her into subjugating the people in the name of a monarch she doesn't support, betrayal part 2; child boogaloo, the country she lives in being declared a dictatorship, city under literal siege, threat of attack in 24 hours, the fucking Avatar doing fuck all to help, a desperate attempt at assassinating the leader, getting caught and placed in questionably humane restraints, having to watch her daughter be forced to flee, PUBKIC HUMILIATION, the arrest of her non combative son and husbandd, INHUMANE JAIL CELL...

Do I need to go on? Like the moment the Krew came to her gouse her life just started to fucking fall apart its actually kinda hillarious.

And calling Suyin a "pick me" is just... unfounded? Who's she trying to get picked by? Her mom who doesn't love her? Girlie just wanted a family she literally said so in the show, put your listening ears on, babes.

I understand that Suyin isn't the most likeable character to people. I can understand why they dislike her. She can be annoying, hypocritical, rash, the poor structuring of the episodes around her and Lin makes it so she gets unearned favour from the writers etc. People who like Lin and Kuvira, two extremely popular characters in the fandom have an easy villain in their faves' lives if they just tweak Suyin a bit.

But that doesn't mean I'm obligated to dislike her too or that I'm not allowed to post about her in a way that doesn't allign with the fandom's narrative of her. You're not obligated to read it, hun, you can block the #pro suyin beifong tag if it makes you that upset to see me

I want to appreciate parts of Suyin which aren't highlighted by the fandom and I'm allowed to do that. Just because it doesn't fit with your clearly overtly negative opion of the character well, tough luck. And hey, I gladly take the opportunity to talk about Suyin, but I've also made a ridiculous amount of posts around har and have probably addressed almost every single fandom complaint of her at some point so I'm starting to get a little tired of repeating myself lol.

And I'll be the first to admit, my own teenage years probably heavily affect how compassionate I am towards Suyin, particularly in her younger years. But I know how much people hate "troubled teens", how little compassion thet are given.

The narrative that if a misbehaving teenager just gets deisciplined and reprimanded enough they'll stop being "spoilt and entitled" or acting out is wrong and harmful. It hurts tons of teenagers by not getting them the help they need and it would've fucking killed me.

Also hun, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I tend to use hyperbole a lot. I'm a dramatic bitch. Like did you also think I was serious when I said I'd shoot myself if I saw another ad for Amazon's shit lotr wannabe show?

Tbh everytime I get an ask like this I vaguely consider doubling down and commiting to the bit of being the fandom's "Lin Beifong hater". Though I feel like a lot of people wouldn't realise its a bit and think I actually hate her for real lol.

#unscripted quill traumadump yay 🥳🥳🥳#avatar fandom when a teenage girl with skin thay is not white as snow does something imperfect: and I took that personally #suyin beifong #pro suyin beifong #lin beifong #toph #toph beifong #anti lin beifong #<joke tag #avatar #legend of korra #tlok #the legend of korra #avatar the legend of korra #atlok #lok

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jgyllenhaalstannie · 9 months ago

Text

⁂Meet the parents⁂(Steven grant x f!AA! reader)

Summary: reader takes Steven to finally meet her parents for dinner and has to prepare him for what her family is like

Warnings: slightly cursing most likely, a little angst if u squint, black trauma

A/n: this is intended to be a female/feminine and African American reader so just a heads up! I've been thinking about writing smth like this for a while now

A/n2: this is honestly so fuckn long and I'm so sorry LOL

◈◈◈▣▣◈◈◈▣▣◈◈◈▣▣◈◈◈▣▣◈◈◈▣▣

"Now I have to warn you, my family is a bit...much." You both sat in the car in front of your parents house. The car was turned off so you were both is a weirdly comfortable silence. As much as you loved your family it was always rough bringing people to meet them as they always scared them away by being too loud or gossiping a bit too much. But Steven insisted on meeting them, even after your constant warnings.

"Your family can't possibly be that bad, love. I think you're just being a bit of a scaredy cat." Steven raised his eyebrows at you and tapped your nose playfully. You rolled your eyes and smiled a bit. He never met your family personally, he just knew the little stories that you would tell him that you remembered from your childhood. You closed your eyes and sighed softly "I'm not scared I have nothing to be scared of. It's just..." it was hard to tell him straight up that black families are a lot different from other families "they have their many differences to say the least, and I'm not even sure if it's just my mom and dad there or if they invited my cousi-." Cutting you off, your phone rang violently. It was your mother. Hesitantly you picked it up and placed it on speaker.

"When you gon' get here? This food gon get cold now." Your mother questioned, the pots and pans clattering in the background. "We're actually just looking for parking mama, we'll be there soon don't worry." You looked over at Steven with a nervous expression. "Aight now don't be making me wait for you and you bringing company ova to my damn house.. " You rolled your eyes at your mother's comment. "I'm not mama, I'll see you in a few." And before you could say anything else she had hung up. You sighed loudly once again and placed your head on the steering wheel. "I guess we shouldn't keep her waiting, might ring you again." Steven said softly. "Don't worry, this night will so swimmingly. " You smiled at his vocabulary and opened your car door. "Let's get this over with."

Soon enough you were knocking on the front door. Your mind was racing with all sorts of thoughts of what could happen throughout the night. "And when you're speaking to any adult just say yes or no sir or ma'am, you will quickly be called disrespectful. " You rushed out any last warnings to Steven at the door. Surprisingly he was the more calm one for once. "Breathe. I've got it. Besides,im always respectful." Just after he finished the door swung open and you both were greeted by your mother, wearing her good blouse and church shoes. "There's my baby! Come in, both of ya! " Your mother let you in and closed the door behind you. The house was exactly how it was after you moved out. That yellow-orange tint to the lighting and brown cabinets and floors. The scent of homemade food traveled through the whole house.

"Ray! Get in here, your daughter and her lil friend are here!" You'd forgotten what her yelling sounded like after so many years. She knew Steven was your boyfriend but still denys it, especially your father. You watched your father hobble into the living room with his patterned button up shirt and glistening bald head. "Though you had forgot about us, so busy thinking you grown and allat." You smiled and shook your head. You looked over at Steven at seen him picking his nails and examining the old house."Mama, dad. This is Steven." He finally looked at your parents after hearing his name and gave a small smile, sticking out his hand for them to shake. "Happy to finally meet you both,I've heard so many nice things about you." Your mom chuckled and shook his hand "Good things huh? Back then we were such awful parents to her apparently, couldn't wait to get out and live her own grown ass life." You smiled out of embarrassment "Mama I never said that at all." She put a hand on your back "Come, let's get to what y'all really came for, that good food. "

After a while of getting settled and your mom blurtting out your business to everyone, you all finally sat down in the to eat in living room. You had a kitchen and dining room, of course, but your mother would have lost her head if anyone got food in the dining room. Steven had helped your mother pass out the plates as you stayed and talked with your father on the couch.

"So tell us a lil bit about yo self, Steven. What's yo last name?" He felt his face get warm from embarrassment, "Grant, miss." Your mother turned to you with an eyebrow raise, "think you got a cousin with that name, think they up there with the Lord now though." Your eyes widened as she continued to eat as if nothing happened. "So what do you do for work, son? " Your father finally chimed in to speak after almost eating half his plate. You looked at Steven as he looked at you as well. You knew how this was going to end. "I used to work at a gift shop at a museum but I got um, fired.Sir." You saw him look down at his plate and tried to eat to distract himself from your parents reactions. "Don't be letting him use you for yo money, girl. Don't be hangin' 'round no bums." "He is not a bum, mama! How and why would you even say that?" You quickly shut down your mothers disrespectful comments. "Don't be getting smart with me girl! I can still whoop yo ass at yo grown age, don't phase me none." Your father placed a hand on your mothers shoulder, "Not in front of company, Jeanine." "I don't give a damn, Ray. I don't want my daughter with a bum. Ian saying that he is, I'm just lettin' her know to remember that."

You bit the inside of your cheek to hide your anger and you look over at Steven. He had his chin almost to his chest as he picked at his plate of food to distract himself from the argument happening in front of him. You grabbed his hand from under the table, causing him to pick his head up. "Wanna head out?" You whispered to him. He hesitated before he shook his head no,"I can handle it.." You pressed your lips together and squeezed his hand tightly. "Ok mama, I get it. Can we at least try and act presentable?" She shrugged and continued eating her food. "You watch football? Basketball? Anything like that?" Your father knew bringing up sports would annoy your mother, but it was better than the constant arguing. "No sir, I'm uh more of a cricket person myself." Steven gave him a small shy smile. "Ahh" he exclaimed "I just noticed you had that lil accent, where you from son?" "England, sir. I moved here about a year or two ago.Been trying to pick up on the american slang, so many different words."

Steven and your father talked for a few while you and your mother sat in silence. You didn't wanna say anything, the slightest thing said to you by her would be considered disrespectful and get the black slapped off you. She was silent until she suddenly let out a weird comment. "You know them British didn't like us black folks, we was slaves to them back in the day." Your eyes widened as she continued to talk "Had to follow what they said. Yo great grandmother was a slave to those British people until she was finally a free woman and had yo grandma, may her soul rest in peace." She drew the cross across her chest and pointed towards the sky. Your face was so scrunched up you almost couldn't see. Why would she bring that up, especially in front of company? It was like she wanted to embarrass you. Ever since Steven said he got fired your mother has been slick with her comments and disrespectful remarks. And of course, your father fails to do anything. You had to go home.

"You know what, it's actually getting pretty late. Think we should start heading out, he's got that job interview tomorrow." That last part was a lie, but you know your parents believed it. You just wanted to get out of there. "Lemme wrap that food up for y'all then, bring me yo' plates." Your father grabbed the plates and headed into the kitchen. Your mother didn't do anything but continue eating, not looking up once. It was like the memories from your childhood started to flood back to you just standing there. Steven took the 2 plates that your father had placed in a bag and shook his hand "Pleasure meeting you both, sir. Have a wonderful evening." Your father smiled and went to hug you. "Bye baby, sorry about your mother." You gave a fake smile to him and hugged him back before finally walking out the door. You didn't say anything until you finally got into the car and put your hands in your head.

"I'm sorry, love." Steven said quietly, placing the food on the floor of the car. "I should have insisted on meeting your family so much,this would have never happened." You felt your eyes began to sting as you quickly blinked them away. You removed your hands and shook your head, "Just wish she would change.Nothing changed since I left." You grabbed your keys and started the car before finally driving home in silence, thinking about your mother.

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#marvel #moon knight headcanon #moon knight #steven grant #moon knight x reader #steven grant headcanon #moonknight #moon knight comics #marc spector #steven grant imagine #steven grant x reader #steven grant x you #black reader

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fumifooms · 1 hour ago

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Kabushuro

Kabru can fix Shuro I think. It’s cute how surprisingly similar they are...

Okay so they're a "we have similar issues" type of duo and the key word is performance.

1) They both treat socializing as a battleground, as a scripted dance there are right and wrong ways to act in, Kabru uses words and social relations as his weapon, especially as someone who was always disempowered otherwise in his life, and Toshiro from his noble background was raised in a very strict stifling way where rules, hierarchy and the importance of social cues were drilled into him. To kabru, being liked was what got him and continues to get him shelter at the island (his landlord even cleans his room for him) and what got and continues to get people to listen to him. To Toshiro, a right conduct is what gets him approval and what upholds the honor of not only him but his entire family and household, it's not just pressure but also his way to feel loved- which never worked with his dad. Kabru's dad left his mother when Kabru was born and Toshiro's father would never take interest in his sons, nothing they could do was grand and impressive enough, preferring instead to travel and horse around despite being a man of great import and military achievements. Community & social success are very important to Kabru and duty and societal approval are very important to Toshiro. Toshiro wants to fit into the expectations placed upon him and Kabru wants to wield social approval to better turn around and change these expectations and that pressure, work towards a society with less need to conform where more people can come to and find a safe home. Toshiro almost dreads his future role, while power couldn't come to Kabru fast enough.

2) They both repress themselves. While Kabru is a malleable tool to even himself, Toshiro's identity and demeanor is rigid, it's just not his own- but something he thought he had to replicate. They both suppress their true selves and their feelings to be more pleasing to the people around them and society and leave very little time for self-care. Neither have people they can truly be themselves with, Kabru not wanting to be vulnerable with anyone even his childhood friend Rin who went through similar trauma, and Toshiro having to be the honorable heir with everyone he interacts with, even feeling like he was betrayed by his mother figure Maizuru he loved when it turned out she also bent her spine for his (in his opinion) good-for-nothing father- he's constantly shadowed by his bodyguards, constantly monitored!!

Like the thing that gives them stress and that gives them validation is sorta the same (achievements & family expectations, understanding and playing people to get to goals) and like……………. Idk

They’re like. Parrot vs parakeet… They share the same cage and Kabru parrot is singing and playing with the enrichment puzzle toys and doing little dances meanwhile Toshiro is huddled in the corner quiet in a ball. Birds are stressed smart animals lol this makes sense to me.

Sooo they're both repressed guys who approach social relationships with a facade and hold the community & world's wellbeing above their own. They do have a lot of differences as well though, like how Kabru is so much more active than passive and paves his own path, meanwhile Toshiro has a hard time leading and tries much more to stay confined in the rigid structure of his life- again being malleable and adaptable vs rigid to a fault. They're both STRESSED and they both hate OPENING UP!

We see Kabru get Toshiro out of his shell a bit :) Though pushing Toshiro to be more active is something we see a couple people do in general, like how Namari dragged him into the "Asivia is causing problems in the party" pre-canon Laios party conversation. But where does this even go from there I hear you ask.

Well thankfully for us, Kabru likes figuring out people and Toshiro does crave some connection, as seen with Falin. Toshiro meeting someone not from the East who is still familiar with eastern customs (okonomiyaki for example), not enough to criticize Toshiro for doing things wrong but enough that Toshiro can relax around him. Knowing his intents get across. It’d be relaxing for Toshiro for sure to be around someone who like, gets social cues almost effortlessly. Kabru would seem to always read him so well even when he can’t express how he’s feeling and, even though it’d also be a bit (lot) scary in a feeling naked and you can’t hide anything from him way, it’d be soothing to know that literally like, that he doesn’t have to put up a front yes (because it'd be useless, Kabru sees A L L)- but also that he doesn’t have to even really communicate verbally almost, which he finds somewhat hard to do. They do still communicate very easily together though! Toshiro is good at picking up on things so he's not oblivious to Kabru's scheming and shrewdness, which makes their relationship easier to both work and be healthy imo.

They gain a sense of complicity pretty quick in canon. Chapter 32 my beloved. I love how he implicitly answers Toshiro's "Is that all?" later with Namari. He borderline opens up more to Toshiro that he's known for a couple days at most than he has to his own party he's known for years.

They just hang out and they tune to each other’s moods and the worries of the rest of the world around them melts a bit... Eventually. When Toshiro starts to actively notice things about Kabru back is when shit gets real on his end like oh... Oh shit…….

Reciprocity is so so interesting to think about especially with Kabru, always. It’s easy when it’s kind of like a play and attending to the other's every need and want just the right way, but then they want you to be part of the equation, what they want is you and not just what you offer them and suddenly it’s…… Not safe, or easy.

Thinking again about my theory that Shuro’s nightmare is just a barely exaggerated day at his house… The dread and suffocation and exhaustion of having eyes and all the weight of honor and behavior constantly follow him wherever he goes, pick his every movement apart. Benichidori style... But like, and how kabru doesn’t need Toshiro to tell him about that nightmare in specific to pick up on his less than ideal childhood. And kabru was in kind of a similar situation of feeling trapped at home by his parent too. Bonding, slowly but surely...

Kabru pulling the same strings he did on Dia’s boyfriend until Shuro’s a tearful mess (still barely holding them back). I do think he’d be a harder challenge, he’s way more repressed, less social and open and in touch with himself, unlike Dia’s fiance who’s all fiery I bet and seemdd to know what was the real issue bothering him… I think it’d be like enrichment for Kabru. Someone to get to know and it’s a lot of back and forth and mutual effort- Kabru’s very used to just, either pushing or receiving a ton in relationships, having people load their feelings and expectations onto him, reserved Toshiro would be refreshing I think. Someone who's not particularly interested in Kabru, and someone who wants to be focused on and looked at just as little as he does. It’s not like Laios where he has important motives to crack his mystery, the stakes are low he can just chill and enjoy trying to figure him out for the sake of genuine curiosity and a lil something in the air whenever they interact. They’re intriguing.

King of staying in his lane looking like a kicked puppy in his noble suit vs king of putting his nose in everyone’s business everywhere for the greater good getting to just have this thing that’s unprofessional and has no reason to be yet feels nice.

They should have regular meetups at the ramen joint, okonomiyaki trio ftw. A mutual letting down of walls in their offwork hours <3 It helps that he's already seen Toshiro at his worst I think. Kabru could even just hit him up sitting with him with a drink for a bit at the ending feast or something and they form a lil friendship :>

In a kabushuro timeline that adheres to post-canon would Toshiro live in Merini or would they be long-distance… Courting through letters and diplomatic travels as ambassadors…… Timeline where Kabru doesn’t become advisor and instead lives as Toshiro’s husband & like second head of the family is interesting… Although Kabru cares about using his politician status for change & greater good. I also do love Toshiro giving up on the heirdom too lowkey. See though the thing is that toshiro is ALSO about greater good, what he & traditions say is anyways, and it's stated that when he becomes the new head of the family things improve in the household- he's a better, more conscientious leader. Advisor x family leader kabushuro where Toshiro pushes for good Wa-Melini relations and an alliance... Every which way is neat

I need a fic where they just self-care and have a slow day hanging out together is the thing. They need a day at the spa (Toshiro needs a day playing in the mud actually but idk they can go to camping spa). Shuro takes a mud bath and realizes he’s entertaining himself by letting the mud drip from his fingers into a little pile on the rim. Even for small habits and stim he'd be super repressed I feel but finding subtle ways to stim king... Would kabru be good at massages? He 1000% knows how to massage out a knot in shoulders, it's a good way to get into people’s good graces... Kabru "I could help you to relax :)" especially if early on and he wants info/to have Toshiro as an ally. Shuro just melts into a puddle because he *really needed* a massage from someone (outside of the family). Didn’t feel like he’d have to continue performing. He knows human anatomy real well and stuff I bet if he tried he could even do acupuncture… Toshiro prob needs to get half-naked which makes him all 😖 but he gets over it and gets comfier the longer it goes on. Kabru’s satisfied/proud when he notices Toshiro’s discomfort get worn down over the minutes until he’s fully relaxed. Thank you @/saccharineomens for the brainstorm <3 God you just know they’d be in a situation where they’re sitting next to each other, having a real heart to heart, and kabru gently puts a comforting hand on Shuro’s leg while nodding sympathetically at him, and Shuro gets a little flustered at what appears to him to be a rather forward move lol.

Kabushuro eventually having the meanest gossip like just absolutely unleashing their pettiness together, I’d love to see it. They've got it in them I know it

The planning plotters...

#dungeon meshi #dunmeshi rarepairs #kabru of utaya #toshiro nakamoto #kabu x toshiro #kabru x shuro #shuro #toshiro x kabru #Kabru #Idk they're just a comfort ship to me. My fav kabru ship rivaling kabukuro n kabrinmick #Even tho it's also. Soo so small gsbdh #it's the hyperperformant masking autism x hyperperformant masking autism I love it #spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #this post is kinda short for my current ship powerpoints standards tbh...... sob... it's just the sorta ship that grabs me by the soul #and it's hard to say why i guess.#i feel wary when something takes too fast to finish gdbdg #i say that but this still got dusty in my wips for months. like. 8 if i had to guess #which on THAT topic!! Guess what longtime wip is almost done rn!! :D

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jackalopc · 5 days ago

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maybe i'll be a better man (by the time you come to your senses) a triple frontier fanfic series

a tom "redfly" davis-focused & rediron fanfic series, by @jackalopc. featuring the primary slowburn-ish? (it's complicated) ship of tom "redfly" davis/william "ironhead" miller.

series summary:

Tom "Redfly" Davis' life was slowly starting to unravel, though you'd never know from the outside. The future of his life was uncertain: did he choose a marriage (that's been failing for longer than he cared to admit), or his career (the closest thing he views to a "higher calling" for himself)? All while years of denial, neglect, and a lot of untreated childhood trauma was finally taking its toll. His subordinate, teammate, and best friend Will Miller calls him out on his bullshit, as he always does (because really, he's kind of always been the only one who could get away with it). He starts making him face the harsh truths he'd been trying so desperately to shove down into a dark, little pit inside of himself. Then, the last crack that finally breaks the dam comes: Will is shot. After that, nothing stays the same. If he thought everything was a mess before, he didn't know the meaning of the word. Yet despite the turbulence, maybe it's also the chance to find the right path forward.

Redfly was courageous, he thought, but really only when he was on a mission (if he was being honest with himself). Will though? It seemed like Will was everything he wasn't: Confident and secure in himself, the only reason anything is hidden from public view is because of regulations. He wished he could be like him. He wished he could have him.

other features you'll see in the series under the cut

(wait why do you need other features?? because apparently just saying it's about redfly and rediron isn't enough??? oh huh okay, weird... well, onwards with some other stuff about it ig)

primarily written from redfly's pov, save for occasional glimpses into other's in small interludes and such between main-story fics.

it's going to be a series of main-story fic's that range in size, depth, and even how much time takes place. ranging from one shots to multi-fic. also multi-rating, each fic has it's own rating. but there are going to be E rated works in there, as a heads up. these will probably be for sexual-content but i can't promise yet it's elusively for that

bonus background poly between the other four outside of tom (no will/ben however, dw)! with eventual background fishben solidified.

basically my "hey what if all that cannon like, didn't happen though?" series... you heard that right this is my fix it timeline and yeah, i'm doing it by making my favorite tragic blorbo a deeply, deeply repressed bisexual man. it's just what i do. the movie didn't give me backstories, and i'm making it y'all's problem.

will miller struggling with a new found disability and grappling with what that means for himself and also especially how the others (and ofc especially redfly) navigate the change too.

exploring shit that comes with having your life ripped away via shit like divorce, transitioning out of the military and not handling it well, having literal parts of your identity fall apart, disabilities, etc.

smut :)

my daily growing obsession with redfly & this pairing in general

I JUST WAN'T Y'ALL TO LOVE HIM LIKE I LOVE HIM

um... yeah... look man this is legit just. gonna be an entire series about two not-quite-yet middle aged men just, having their lives ripped apart and finding comfort in one another

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aspd-culture · 1 year ago

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Hi I'm new here so sorry if this has already been answered, people with aspd are often referred to as callous and cold but the rate of anxiety and depression with them is quite high thanks to it being a trauma disorder, so how do the two things coexist? Shouldn't they be mutually exclusive?

Firstly welcome!/pos

So unfortunately, the public's perception of ASPD has gotten very mixed with the understanding of the actual symptoms of ASPD. Callous and cold are certainly personality traits that are more likely to appear in pwASPD, but that is not all of us. In personality disorders, due to the nature of them being baked into our personality, which is part biological and part environmental, you will see heavy variations in symptoms.

Additionally, a part of the actual evaluations for ASPD (at least both of the ones I took to get diagnosed - I am from the US for reference) is questions relating to being charismatic/charming and "masters of manipulation". Even the public perception hits on this - saying we are "always playing a social chess game". Those things aren't really compatible with being callous and cold all the time.

To get more into this in the context of your question, though, as you mentioned, ASPD is almost always caused by some amount of trauma. To my understanding as someone with a background in child development, especially in early childhood, our brains basically got here one of two ways if it's trauma based.

The first is our brains developing under the belief that the symptoms of ASPD are just how everyone is, due to being exposed to poor examples or a lack of exmaples of things like remorse, empathy, warmth, etc. This generally comes from abusive/neglectful/emotionally unavailable adults in the child's life and a lack of presence of adults that would guide the child's brain into the natural development of these things because children are literally always learning in the first few years of life especially, and the brain is forming itself around the understanding that the adults give the child of how a human being thinks/acts/behaves/responds.

The other is having specific trauma break down the prior, proper development under the belief that it was either entirely mistaken and people are supposed to behave another way, or as a protective reaction when the brain believes it cannot survive any other way. Research has pointed to trauma directly impacting the neurology of people with PTSD at any age, and that is especially prominent in the ages that ASPD first starts showing up at (15 and younger).

Regardless of which it is, there is more than *just* ASPD being made most of the time in either of these circumstances. When things are unstable in a child's life, they become very likely to develop any number of anxiety disorders. When led to the belief that nothing will ever be good, anyone of any age tends to end up depressed, and pwASPD generally have experiences that have made us see things that way for a *very* long time.

Depression especially is very compatible with ASPD even in public perception - lack of motivation, disinterest in socializing, maladaptive understanding of the world (believing nothing will get better), etc. are symptoms of both ASPD and Major Depressive Disorder.

As for anxiety, it isn't incompatible, but it is probably fairly far removed from the anxiety that prosocials have, specifically in what the anxiety centers on. It is less likely (but definitely not impossible) that a pwASPD would have anxiety about wanting others to like them or worrying about social interactions, but it is very likely to see pwASPD having anxiety about the risk of harm coming to them, people being "out to get us", or that anything good in our life may be unstable and can be lost or taken from us. Insecurity in relationships is common in ASPD because of that type of anxiety - we tend to struggle with the belief that the other shoe will drop, so to speak, any time things seem good or calm in our life. That alone causes a serious amount of anxiety.

These kinds of misconceptions generally come from a specific misrepresentation of ASPD - the idea that we have no emotions or cannot feel certain particular emotions. While sometimes our emotions can be blunted, and some pwASPD are incapable of feeling particular emotions, which ones in particular vary greatly. Boredom and anger/irritation are pretty much always able to be felt by pwASPD to some degree, but outside of that there's a lot of different presentations of the muted emotions trait (not a diagnostic criteria required for diagnosis btw, it's just a common trait seen in many pwASPD). Some people find themselves incapable of feeling things like fear/anxiety and/or depression, sure, but others like me actually feel those at full force but experience heavily mutes positive emotions like happiness. And again, not all of us even have blunted emotions at all, removing any reason we wouldn't be able to have depression or anxiety.

By the way, nothing bad against you for this question!! It absolutely makes sense that this would be confusing to understand what with the common ways that ASPD is talked about and shown in pop culture, documentaries, and often even academic materials. I hold no ill will towards anyone with any genuine misunderstanding of ASPD. It is extremely difficult to grasp the truth of life with this disorder because even the sources that should be reliable often aren't - with small sample sizes, poor sample randomness (so many studies about ASPD are taken exclusively on prisoners), self-reporting (why the hell would we trust a random researcher), and even people who were diagnosed on the stand without advisement from any mental health professional (so people who may not even *have* ASPD, but they have what someone in the legal system *thought* was ASPD). It is so heavily stigmatized and misrepresented that I also had many of these perceptions well into my teen years, even as I recognized symptoms of ASPD in myself. This whole post is /info, I just have terrible issues with tone due to my autism.

Plain text below the cut:

Firstly welcome!/pos

#aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome

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justvessel · 27 days ago

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Turn me into your mannequin, and I'll turn you into my puppet queen. Won't you come and dance in the dark with me? Show me what you are, I am desperate to know nobody better than the perfect enemy. Digital demons make the night feel heavenly.

Make it real, 'cause anything's better than the way I feel right now. I can offer you a blacklit paradise. Diamonds in the trees, pentagrams in the night sky. Lipstick, chemtrails, red flags, pink nails, with one eye on the door, other eye on a rail, other eye following a scarlet trail, and the last few drops from the Holy Grail.

Ascensionism by Sleep Token | Main Navigation | DATV Masterlist

Simple facts and backround:

[CW/TW: loss of loved ones, oprhan, trauma, nightmares, corrupted feelings, family issues]

[Spoilerwarning for DAO dalish origin background and story]

Crow rogue

grew up in Dalish clan, was the younger sister of Tamlem and always tagged close behind him and Fraey (my HoF)

they lost their parents very early that’s why she had a kinda unhealthy relationship to them, almost saw them as her parents but they loved her nevertheless

as the blight got her brother and Fraey was sent to the Grey Warden she also wanted to tag along, but got denied

left the clan as they started to travel too far away because she wanted to live with her ‘sister/mother’ again

as she met her brother as victim of the blight she was desperate to find a ‘cure’, she could not again loose him

that way she also found the camp of Fraey and had to witness her killing Tamlem, they buried him together like the Dalish would’ve done

after a huge (verbal) fight she wanted to stay with the hero group, was sent to Redcliffe to stay with Arl Eamon as long as possible

she hated humans just like her brother until she met Alistair

after the blight she moved in with Fraey, Alistair and Zevran to the castle and learned everything important by them

kleptomaniac

always stole things to gain attention from her parental figures

she was literally raised by those three which ended in an unhealthy relationship to her emotions, like cover true emotions, seeing love as a mask and using her body as an absolute advantage [for more input look into Fraey’s character sheet]

always saw Alistair and Zevran like ‘new’ father figures

daddy issues

as soon as Zevran left them, she wanted to go out to find her own place in the world

as she was often seen with the infamous crow as a child, the crows thought they could use her as a bait, that is how she ended with the crows themself and thought yeah, why not, i am a de riva now

in her late 20s

could use her body and female benefits for fulfilling contracts

only divided people into three groups: hot (would sleep with), ugly (not interesting enough), creepy (will ignore or maybe kill)

is not interested in building lasting relationships and emotional bonding

emotions = weakness (saw how Fraey, Zevran and Alistair destroyed themselves with those things…)

is a complete flirt

is scared of growing old (and ugly) and losing her charm/worth by implication

Viago gave her the name magpie because she loves shiny things (and to steal them)

nickname is Aeds, Illario started calling her maggi because of the other name

had an ongoing (secret) situationship with Illario, they met at a dinner party in the De Riva villa and couldn’t keep their hands off each other

only Viago, Teia and Catherina knew about her past and the situationship (Illario did not know about Zevran tho)

Catherina hates her, she says that Aedith is not worth of anything (especially not enough for her grandson)

she once tried to steal from no one else but Orianna [my inky], that’s when she got the little scar at her cheek

had a lot hard conversations with Varric because of all that childhood trauma

i mean, she lost all her founded families / father figures after another

wears her hair similar to Zevran’s, the braid is something Alistair always did to her hair, and the vallaslin is an honour to Fraey

#dragon age the veilguard #datv spoilers #dragon age origins #dav rook #female rook #dragon age rook #rook #rookanis #lucanis x rook #rook x illario #zevran x warden #zevran arainai #alistair theirin #alistair x warden #my ocs #lore dump

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aeternallis · 1 month ago

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I was reading this vent post on Reddit about an Asian OP's frustrations when it comes to seeing cultural context and nuance be misinterpreted by white/western fans and how it often clearly shows in fanfiction, yknow? The topic they were specifically talking about was corporal punishment, and how its prevalence in Asian households are often easily dismissed by western fans as a collective moral failing as a whole.

And surprising no one (and maybe cuz it’s Reddit) the comment section—while starting out polite and decently enough—gradually descended into accusations of "abuse apologist" and "just because it's culture doesn't mean it's right" and "gee, thanks for justifying my abuser" etc etc. There was some bad-faith takes on OP's post, and it turned into a petty group convo that had no semblance of depth in the end.

Maybe it's just me, but imo, there is often this contradicting mindset I see in (English-speaking) Asian media fandoms where people on one hand are encouraged to do their research in regards to the cultural context of the media they’re consuming, since by not understanding it, there is some level of cultural erasure going on.

But that on the other hand, hoping for people to have some understanding of said cultural context of the media they're consuming is in and of itself a form of fandom policing to a certain degree, when the purpose of fandom (and fanfiction) is escapism and doing whatever the hell you want.

Faced with this contradiction, imo it shouldn’t be any surprise that POC find it hard to speak up in a fandom, let alone find some semblance of unity when it comes to talking about context and nuance.

Corporal punishment in and of itself is a very touchy subject for a lot of people; the topic can be very triggering, and conversation around it can hit personal sore spots, especially when people have strong opinions in regards to the matter. In that sense, the conversation’s descent into chaos on that Reddit post was outright inevitable.

On the other hand, I can also understand OP’s frustrations wholeheartedly. It already sucks when you see a character from your cultural background be warped by western fans (and in some cases, villainized) and on a wider scale, the nuance of the story is either disregarded or turned on its head completely.

Like, I don't deny that corporal punishment—having gone through it myself whilst growing up (my Filipina mother's favorite weapons of choice were the broom, the hanger, and the belt)—did some damage to my psyche as a child. I don't deny that it's a form of domestic abuse and under any circumstances, should not be tolerated.

Due to my own experiences in life, I'd like to think I'd healed from all that (and even tease my parents occasionally about it). So for me personally, it was never something I questioned within my own family household or within my own environment, because of the fact that in a typical Asian household, corporal punishment was generally seen as something necessary for the betterment of the child.

In fact, there were moments in my childhood were my parents had been horrified by the thought of some of my friends boldly talking back to their parents, since they couldn't comprehend how a child can disregard that boundary between parent and child, the respect that parents take for granted from their children.

It was definitely a clash of cultures when we moved here in the US.

Specifically in regards to corporal punishment, its historic role as being a form of traditional discipline, its roots in Confucian philosophy, and how it’s seen/viewed in Asia within the context of its ever-changing cultural landscape—is in and of itself a behemoth subject that’s way too complicated to go over in one vent post and more often than not, overlaps with one's own traumas and personal issues.

And yes, it is ever-changing. Culture is never static, and evolves like everything else that is subject to time.

It’s harder to speak up within a fandom space in these instances, especially when such misunderstandings may have already become widely accepted fanon, yknow? (And as we in fandom know, talking shit about the fanon is as close as one will come to getting crucified). More than that, it's harder to speak up when one is talking about it through the vehicle of fanfiction, as fanfiction is a medium in which fans can and should be allowed to experiment.

It's even harder to speak up when these legitimate concerns are brushed off as petty and ridiculous arguments to bring up in the first place.

It's a luxury, I think, to be able to think this way.

And Idk, from my own personal experience being in fandom for 20+ years and as a POC, there’s always been this sort of delicate balancing act and subsequent reality check in that for the most part, white/western fandom is welcoming of learning cultural context and nuance only in so far and as long as it doesn't contradict their own biases. A lot of it comes off as performative sentiment, hence the reason why a lot of -isms are rampant in fandom the way they are.

Now, this isn’t to say it’s entirely the whole of western fans and the English-speaking side of fandom. Many are genuinely open to learning about new cultures and ways of thinking, and are humble enough to admit their internal biases. Yet still, there are those who aren’t or only ever pretend to be interested, so long as they can keep their safe space and their feelings, not to mention whatever sort of influence they think they may or may not have in fandom, insulated and protected.

Inevitably, when a POC speaks about their culture in said fandom and how it connects to the culture of said piece of media the fandom is built around (and especially when said POC comes from the very same culture in question), it can also at the same time act as a deconstruction of biases that a fandom has built up through certain headcanons and ideas that the community at large have subconsciously put on a pedestal.

I think this is a large part of the reason why particular fandoms can become overprotective and even downright hostile when POC choose to speak up, because their bubble of fandom escapism is perceived to be in danger.

This isn't meant to inflame anyone's defenses; after all, it's totally understandable that no one likes it when their biases are indirectly called out, and no one likes to be made to feel ignorant.

No one likes it when someone rattles the cage of a seemingly thriving fandom.

I guess at the end of it all, I think there's definitely some lack of humility and a level of self-entitlement at times from the western fandom at large, when it comes to consuming media content not from their own cultural setting.

And it’s this sort of fandom landscape that POC must navigate carefully, lest the culture and its integrity of said piece of media is almost entirely warped, all the while POC try to have a voice within a community in which its very nature is determined to keep those who can speak about nuance and context quiet and subdued.

#on fandom #fandom meta #fandom commentary #mine own musings #discourse #if anyone wants to know #OP was talking about MDZS #lmao

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raibebe · 2 years ago

Text

Moving foreward

Genre: fluff Words: 2.457 Prompt: Samoyed hybrid Jeno x fem. reader

Warnings: unspecific allusions to childhood trauma, allusions to genetic modification

A/N: MY BABY IS BACK! And more baby and insecure than ever because this is set very early in the story and we get to learn some of his background! Bonus points for everyone who can guess which game he was playing. Also please appreciate the header, I ripped my hair out for streamer Jeno.

Hybridverse masterlist

“Wow, I can’t believe they’d just end it like that,” Jeno shook his head, falling back into his chair as he stared blankly at the ending screen of the game he had been playing on stream, “I need answers. This can’t be it. I know this isn’t it.” “We missed a few clues in the mines and the hospital I think,” he read a comment from his chat, “The mines were so creepy, you can’t blame me for that,” he whined, his ears flattening into his fluffy hair, “I was busy not getting that annoying girl killed even though she deserved it for being an absolute ass.” At that, his chat broke out in laughing emotes. “Am I wrong though?” He giggled, closing the game and enlarging his facecam for the viewers instead, so they didn’t have to look at the menu screen. For the cozy atmosphere that he was always striving for, he pulled up his curated playlist of calming videogame soundtracks.

“So… I kinda didn’t think we’d be able to finish so quickly, so I don’t really have anything else planned,” he admitted, “We could just jump into some other game real quick but I’m not in the mood for any shooters right now and I might launch myself out of my chair when I get jumpscared again.” He scanned the chat for good suggestions for a little while, his eyes darting over to the clock at the bottom of his screen. It was already quite late and the last half an hour of that game had been way too intense. So maybe he could just cut the stream early today and just get some extra cuddles. That would be nice. He’d very much like some cuddles. And maybe some ear scratches.

“Will you be playing ‘No home for us’ once it’s out?” He read out a question from one of his mods. “You know actually,” Jeno sighed, nervously picking at his cuticles, he knew that this question would be coming up sooner or later and that his answer might be unexpected. “I won’t.” Before he could even explain himself, his chat exploded with messages and confused emotes, the messages coming in so fast, twitch was barely able to buffer all of them. “Wait, wait wait, let me explain,” he asked, taking a deep breath to collect his thoughts, “I think the game is going to be great. From what I’ve seen in the trailers and promotional videos, it’s going to bring attention to lots of valid concerns regarding us hybrids and the graphics are absolutely phenomenal. But… But I think the story will hit too close to home for me. I don’t think I’d be in the right mindset to play this and for my mental health, I’ll refrain from playing it on stream. Maybe I’ll take a look and play it in private so I can tell you guys my thoughts on it at least. But I really can’t do this on stream for my own safety.”

The tone of the chat messages immediately turned from confused to concerned at his words. The game was supposed to be a heavily story-based game following the journey of three different hybrids and it had been praised to high heavens because of that. But especially the story of the female cat hybrid had made the hairs at the back of Jeno’s neck stand up just from seeing the promotional videos and the behind-the-scenes the company had sent him because they obviously wanted hybrid content creators to talk about their game. It was eerily similar to his story even though hers would probably be even more dramatic for obvious reasons of storytelling and would only have a happy ending if you made the correct choices throughout the game. And Jeno already knew that if he were sitting alone in his streaming room, he’d go insane with anxiety over every little choice he had made because he needed this potential happy ending to happen or he’d just end up crying.

“I- I’ve never really spoken about my story and how I ended up here but I know some longtime followers have probably a good understanding of it,” Jeno mused, sipping on his Redbull just to get a sense of comfort from having the stupid metal straw in his mouth. A coping mechanism - and a comparatively healthy one or so his therapist had told him.

“Yeah, my story sadly isn’t the one of the golden retriever hybrid,” he laughed uncomfortably, “No privileged background despite my breed. I- I actually grew up in a shelter for most of my life and I’ll always be incredibly grateful for how good care I was receiving there, the social workers really did their best trying to take care of me and all the others.” “Prestigious breed,” Jeno read the comment flying past, his head tilting in confusion, “What’s that even supposed to mean.” He could only snort. Unsure if he should be angry and tell this person off or if he should’ve just ignored the comment to avoid fueling the discussion further. “I mean I guess Samoyeds are on the rarer side of Hybrids but there’s more to it - to me - than that. Multiple factors go into adoption and- Maybe I should do a whole video about this. With a dramatic title and all.” Jeno cut himself short with a giggle before he could get worked up about it. Some people - humans - just didn’t know what life was like for lots of hybrids. Especially the younger humans who didn’t know much about the history and the continuous fight of Hybrids for basic human rights. And while it was seen as normal for Hybrids to attend college and school nowadays, they still had a long way to go until they’d reach true equality.

“Our family just took in a cat hybrid the other day from a shelter and it has been such a process and a half.” “I’m glad to hear that”, Jeno smiled, “Not that it’s been so hard but that you decided to take someone in need in. And I hope you’ll take the time and effort to try to understand them and learn if they need any special care so you can provide for them. I should really just make a video on this since you’re always so interested in anything hybrid matters. And you really seemed to like the last video where my girlfriend helped to test just how good my sense of smell really is.”

“I’ve actually thought about telling my story multiple times but- But it’s really not a pretty story. And I never wanted my platform to be about me as a person but rather about the games and just having fun and making your days better with it, maybe making some fun content about hybrids with my friend but that’s it. And I already know that if I end up telling my story, people will be nasty about it and tell me that I’m only doing it for attention. But at the same time, this obviously is a huge part of my life and why I am the person I am today and maybe I can do something good for the community if I use my platform to call attention to things like that.”

A soft knock on the door pulled Jeno from his train of thought, his head snapping to where you quietly slipped into the room. Despite the heavy topic feeling like a weight pressing down on his chest, he couldn’t fight the smile that spread on his lips nor how his tail started wagging. “Hi puppy,” you whispered, mirroring his smile. Making sure that your face was out of the camera shot, you stepped into the frame, letting Jeno pull you close with a grip around your waist. “Thought you might need some company,” you explained yourself, shyly waving to the viewers who were welcoming you warmly. “I’m okay,” Jeno promised, taking a deep breath to fill his lungs with your comforting smell. “You think it’s a good idea?” “Telling your story?” In lieu of an answer, he simply nodded, looking up at you from beneath his lashes. Smiling, you playfully scratched beneath his chin, always endlessly endeared with his puppy-like mannerisms.

“I think it could be a really good thing. To shine a light on some stuff people don’t really talk about and to make people pay attention to things they didn’t know existed,” you spoke your mind, “But it will also make you very vulnerable and I don’t know if you feel comfortable doing that. It’s- It’s a heavy topic just like you said and I don’t know what it’ll do to you mentally if you revisit that time.” “So you’re saying that I shouldn’t do it,” Jeno asked, his brows pulled together in a frown. “That’s not what I said,” you smiled, gently rubbing your thumb through the crease to make him stop frowning, “I know you’re much stronger than when we first met and that you grew so much as a person in such a short time but these memories are- they’re traumatic and you know I hate nothing more than seeing you distressed or in pain.”

With a glance to his chat that seemed to just be filled with his cute samoyed heart emote, Jeno took a deep breath, giving in to the urge to bury his face in your stomach, nuzzling into the comforting smell of your laundry detergent and something just inherently you. “I asked Doyoung for my files a while back. I have them here but I didn’t have the courage to look into them.” “Do you wanna do that?” You whispered, carefully taking his headset off so you could card your hands through his silky hair and scratch your nails gently against his scalp and along the base of his ears to relax him. “I think I do,” he whispered back, “I wanna do this. I need to know.” “Then I’ll be here to support you,” you smiled, resisting the urge to kiss the crown of Jenos head to keep your face off of the internet, “For every step of the way.” “Love you,” he mumbled into the fabric of your shirt but you were so used to hearing the words from him that you understood them anyways. “Love you too, pup.” Playfully, you pulled his chair off-screen, swallowing his surprised yelp with a sweet kiss. “I have to end the stream,” he sighed against your lips but contradictory to his words, he stole another kiss that you couldn’t help but smile into, butterflies erupting in your stomach like it was the first kiss you shared. “I’ll wait in bed,” you promised, carefully rolling Jeno back into the frame of his facecam.

Smiling fondly, you watched him stumble over his words with a pinkened face as he said goodbye to his followers. “I- Uhm- Yeah. Oh god,” he giggled, putting his hands on his cheeks to cool down his burning face, “Yeah. I- Like. Uhm. Bye?” At his flustered stuttering, the heart emotes in his chat were replaced by laughing emotes and only then did Jeno notice that his mods must have changed the chat to emote-only mode possibly due to the comments either being mean or it becoming so many, they couldn’t monitor all of them for his mental health. “We can leave the emote-only mode now I think,” he smiled gently, “Everyone, say thank you to our mods for keeping this a safe and positive space.”

“How dare my favorite streamer make me feel single,” he read out a comment, immediately feeling more blood rush to his face, “Well, yeah for those who don’t know or haven’t suspected, that was my girlfriend and I guess we’re going to try and figure out more about my story and stuff… And eventually, I’ll post a video and share as much as I feel comfortable. To… You know raise awareness and actually use my platform for something else rather than getting jumpscared by scary-looking creatures in an old asylum.” “Hmm, yeah, I don’t know what we’ll do on Friday yet. I have to see if Haechan and Chenle are free, so we can play keep expanding our base in ‘The Forest’ and get some more exploring done for once. Yeah… Oh no, I absolutely haven’t forgotten that Chenle betrayed me and left me by myself with that crazy mutant. I’ll get my revenge.” “So yeah, we’ll let you guys know beforehand if the terrible trio will get together on Friday or if I play something by myself. There is this new ghost-hunting game I wanted to give a shot. But until then, stay safe, be kind and don’t forget to stay hydrated. Bye bye, guys.”

Smiling into the camera and blowing a kiss to it, Jeno turned off his stream. Sighing, he slumped back into his chair for a bit, staring at the empty overlay of his streaming software. He was really going to do this. With his heartbeat picking up and his blood loudly rushing through his veins, he slowly reached out to the bottommost drawer of his desk. The drawer was empty, safe for two things: A thick, light brown file with his name written in Doyoung’s neat handwriting and the stamp of the shelter and an almost sterile-looking white one that just had the number 423 and a logo that resembled DNA splicing printed in black ink. The brown file didn’t worry him too much. Doyoung had already told him that it was mostly his medical records, court cases and documentation of his past failed adoptions. The white file on the other hand gave him chills just looking at it. He didn’t have many memories from when he was a young child - trauma-blocking his therapist had called it - but he could for some reason vividly remember the DNA splicing logo and it was enough to make him sick to the stomach. Gritting his teeth, he picked up the file to put it on his desk. Between all the dark equipment in his room, it stood out like a sore thumb. It clearly didn’t belong here. But whatever was documented in there, it was part of Jeno, no matter how much he hated it. “Tomorrow,” he whispered to no one but himself, pulling his lower lip between his sharp teeth. Tomorrow, he was going to ask you to sit down to look through the file.

Tonight, he only wanted the comfort of your touch. And if he was demanding to be the small spoon that night, scrolling through Twitter to see the cute clips his fans had made of your visit to the streaming room, that was between him and his browser history.

#jeno #lee jeno #nct #nct dream #neowritingsnet #jeno fluff #nct fluff #jeno imagines #jeno scenarios #nct dream fluff #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios

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