#especially if all of the people involved have something to say

[wildflower-ramblings]

Because I want to quit my job and be a pretty little housewife right now, here’s my thoughts on the 141 and their opinions on the matter

(slight warning for mentions of DV?, breeding kink and housewife kink ahead, as always 18+ MINORS DNI)

Simon would be the least likely to want a housewife. He’s seen what happens to women who have nothing to rely on but their husbands, and whilst he knows he’d never do to you what his father did to his mother, there’s always that niggling voice in the back of his head saying what if. What if he can’t escape his father’s grip, what if he does turn out just like him? Of course he rationalises it to you by saying that if something happened to him, he wants to know you could take care of yourself, even though he knows damn well that he could set you up for life, between his pension and the money he’s stashed by never spending a cent on himself. But he wants you to have something just for yourself, something that couldn’t be taken away by him in any way. But if your job is causing you the slightest amount of stress? He’s the first to tell you to quit. If you want another job you can take your time to find the right one, but he won’t have anything distressing you, even if it’s just a micromanaging boss or tight deadlines.

Controversial opinion but Johnny has a slight preference for a career woman. Nothing against housewives, and he definitely loves seeing you at home by the stove in a pretty little dress telling him dinner’s almost ready, but something about a woman in charge just does it for him (he does love putting a woman on top...and on her back...and on her knees). It turns him on seeing you be confident and capable at work, especially if that job involves giving orders or putting people in their place. Plus it gives his ego a nice boost when he can take that strong independent woman and fuck you absolutely stupid until you can’t even remember your own name. It’s his favourite way to help you de-stress after a bad day. If you want to be a housewife, however...I hope you like kids. Because this man has the biggest breeding kink of them all, and nothing brings it out quite like seeing you being all soft and domestic and taking care of him. Besides, it must be so quiet and lonely when he’s away, wouldn’t it be so much better with a house full of children’s laughter?

Kyle doesn’t care either way. He’s your number one supporter in whatever you do. He’ll let you practice presentations on him and bring you dinner if you’re working late. (Plus both he and Johnny love hearing the office gossip) He’s absolutely got heart eyes listening to you explain some detail about your work. It doesn’t matter what your job is, this man is so proud of you for having it and will brag like hell to anyone who’ll listen. But if you ever wanted to leave your job, he’d still be so supportive. He’s so proud of you for recognising that it was hurting you, and for being strong enough to walk away when everyone else (and society as a whole) tells you you need to have a job to have value. He would do whatever it takes to reassure you that you’re not being a burden, that you don’t have to ‘bring something to the table’ in this relationship – you bring yourself, and that’s enough – in fact most times it’s more than he thinks he deserves. The least he can do is spoil you in return. And he absolutely does. If you want to spend all day on your hobbies, he’s got you – you have all the supplies you could ever dream of (and even some you couldn’t, because he brings back things you’ve never heard of from every deployment). Whatever you want he's 100% behind you (and in front of you, on his knees)

John wouldn’t call himself a feminist (he hates that word. Why does there need to be a special word for what should be obvious?) but he is, for the most part. He’s worked with plenty of women who could leave him in the dust, and sees no difference in a woman or man doing the same job. But you? He wants you at home with nothing to worry your pretty little head over other than what colour manicure to get or how you want to arrange the furniture. Not because he doesn’t think you’re capable of having a job – he knows damn well you could run the whole damn world. But he sees it as his responsibility to look after you, to provide for you, and that extends to everything you could ever want. If he can’t give it to you without you having to lift a finger, then he’s failed as a partner. He puts the fate of the world solely on his own shoulders, and you’re his world, so it makes sense he holds himself to the same rigid standards at home as he does at work. He’ll never admit that he has a raging domesticity kink and wants to fuck you over the kitchen counter wearing nothing but your apron and a pair of heels.

Dividers by cursed-carmine

[evilkitten3]

hm.... i see what you mean, i think (tho i'll point out that there's been at least one transfer of power in-series during wartime, from tobirama to hiruzen, which actually worked out phenomenally well bc the first war ended and then there was peace for like a good two decades)

also. i know it's a typo but someone do me a favor and draw an isobu-sanji roleswap. make that turtle thing a pirate

anyway concerning yagura the brief momet we meet him is somewhat odd bc prior to that all the info we really had on him was the bloody mist stuff and we really don't know what the timeline was there. what we know for sure is that his reign was just as bad if not worse than the third mizukage's. how he behaved in the jinchuuriki-bijuu chat may just be evidence that he was under obito's control even before that

as much as i adore obito, most of the plot points that delve into his time as puppet master make very little sense (i find it's significantly better to leave details like that as ambiguous as possible, especially if you're a writer writing a character smarter than you), and that's twice as true for everything including kiri (esp when madara gets involved. you're telling me this old man started pulling strings in kiri while being unable to move from his life support chair on the off-chance that some dipshit kid got caught in a cave-in and just so happened to also be an uchiha? no. sorry that's bs. i have never seen a single analysis of madara's recruitment of obito that made sense and wasn't basically just spur of the moment)

obito's backstory suffers a lot from poor planning and the author trying to rearrange things he'd already written so they made some sense with the context of it having been obito all along, and it. really, REALLY doesn't work that well.

anyway, obito's initial plan was just madara's plan that he at some point started tweaking, but madara's plan ever involved starting a war. he even says he's not sure why obito did it and just assumes he had a good reason (spoiler: he did not). obito decides to team up with the akatsuki and build up strength before going for the jinchuuriki (this makes perfect sense but is also something the real madara would never do bc it would require relying on people he can't pretend are him), which is why the akatsuki don't really start doing antagonist stuff until naruto is ready to face them. also bc they have to go in order. for. reasons. which is presumably why obito didn't just start with the three tails as soon as it reformed, which we can infer is also why he kept yagura under his control until it was time to yoink that thang

when did obito decide he was going for world war four? who knows. i would believe that he decided to have yagura be Even Worse in order to keep him isolated so as few people as possible noticed or gave a shit that he wasn't acting of his own volition, but ao noticed anyway and ultimately yagura was one of the most Please Kill This Cunt Holy Shit guys in all of ninjaland, which could've caused obito some inconvenience but fortunately no one in mist was strong enough to take out yagura and no one outside of mist gave a shit

the only way i've been able to make obito's involvement in the massacre make any sense at all is by a) ignoring basically any non-manga content about it and b) assuming that his motive was solely to recruit itachi and he didn't really give a shit about anything else. bc while it might make sense to want to remove potential opponents who could maybe control the bijuu to his disadvantage, but i honestly don't think any old uchiha could control the bijuu whenever bc otherwise it would've made way more sense for obito to recruit the uchiha (esp the ones who. weren't loyal to the village anymore hello????)

should also be noted that the change in kage wasn't bc everyone just decided to have a new boss now. the third raikage died in the war, hiruzen stepped down bc he was old and tired and never even wanted to be here to begin with, the third mizukage would've also been old bc he was even older than hiruzen and we know basically nothing about him, the third kazekage got murdered by sasori so suna had a new guy in charge before the war was even over, and oonoki didn't feel like retiring i guess.

tbh i wouldn't be all that surprised if kiri had periods with no leader at all bc it kinda seems like shit was just in Constant Chaos over there

tldr: no obito did not have a good reason to do what he did in kiri or to the uchiha clan. he was just kinda being a dick

what's really funny about madara being narratively the "bigger bad" in relation to obito is that. obito is worse. like a lot worse. like i love him to death but he's objectively so much worse

madara's base plan required maybe 10 deaths (the jinchuuriki + nagato, later adding rin for some reason which i don't personally believe but it's technically canon so i'll include it). obito has like. the highest bodycount in the series. like this man is directly involved in multiple state-sponsored ethnic cleansings. like idk if even black zetsu has the kind of blood on his hands that obito does, it's that bad

but he was a really great guy!

[calder]

Cult is a very strong word with a specific meaning. A cult is not a shitty person who is popular, or a group who is eccentric or mean.

A cult is a system of abusive control mechanisms designed to influence or commodify a larger group for the personal and strategic benefit of a very small circle.

The leaders of a cult are "always right" because they have designed layers of obfuscation, laundering, and plausible deniability which allow them to abuse people without consequences.

They create institutional pretense for abuse and vocabulary to normalize it, and then they pretend the abuse is something they have no control over. They paint the outside world as a corrupting force.

They push false narratives and become immediately hostile to anyone who questions them, contriving reasons to treat them as malicious and corrupt, never acknowledging the content of their speech.

Everyone in a cult outside of the inner circle is a victim. Even if they suck shit as a person.

The Nukapedia Discord - the Discord of Fandomcorp's Fallout Wiki - is a cult. The wiki is a vassal of the Discord.

The people resisting it or trying to get away from it are cult survivors.

The purpose of the cult is to grant the inner circle power over a cycling influx of isolated people, especially minors and disabled people, arriving to Fandom from google.

Fandom attempted to sever this Discord.

We are removing the links to the server from the core Community landing pages on the wiki. We believe that the situation on the server has become so detrimental to the mission and wellbeing of the community that we can not permit our platform to be used as any endorsement of joining and participating in that server. We will review this situation, including whether to re-link the server, upon request by the current admin team if the server can return to its core purpose of fostering community growth and collaboration.

The link was never removed from the Welcome Hub, only the Discord page. Despite this, the admins have incessantly screamed and cried and continued to operate through the Discord, which has remained a racist den of abuse driving contributors out of the community in favor of non-contributing trolls.

They are obsessed with getting an "all-clear" from Fandom despite the link remaining because this is not about the link, it is about narrative control. The inner circle have repeatedly claimed "Fandom dismissed all allegations against us" but this is simply a bold-faced harmful lie they are telling because they are cult leaders. No such absolution was granted.

NP have made zero positive changes. A mod was globally banned and they never once acknowledged what he did to earn it. They have only denied that anything is wrong & consolidated power while calling it progress, while all progressive users continue to be attacked and driven out.

One of the main reasons the inner circle do all this is to push alt-right propaganda on young people. Anyone who calls out coded alt-right activity at Nukapedia will be banned and shamed, no matter how important they used to be. If a user with zero edits says something bigoted, and an elder with 5,000 edits calls them on it, the latter user will be punished and the former will be rewarded, every single time. Being far-right is important to the inner circle and the wiki is not.

Over half of the problem users never ever add new content to the wiki. They promote far-right politics in social spaces under the pretense of "neutrality" & mercilessly dogpile anyone who acknowledges their ulterior motives. They accuse people with explicit guiding principles of "admitting to having ulterior motives." They are bigoted liars who cry victim whenever held to account for their decisions and retaliate mercilessly.

The users who wrote the policy openly brag that they wrote the rules and have unique right to interpret them and use them against people.

Some of the most unreasonable and aggressive people involved originally arrived as minors in the 2010s.

Many minors were granted chat mod status. The ones who are still there proved themselves unquestioningly loyal to the older staff.

This place deliberately attracts minors, lovebombs them, then pressures them into bad behavior.

Those who do the right thing are silenced and treated like criminals. Whenever young users are "caught" talking to older users they actually trust about these problems, both are punished and shamed for subverting the cult leaders.

Staff stalk people offsite to harass them and gather kompromat. They use their tools to hide evidence. Staff always cry "harassment," "stalking," or "kompromat" when their public behavior at Nukapedia is called to account. One attempted to remove 100 evidence images citing "violation of personal copyright law" and was not demoted.

They call tumblr a place where "alternative sexual lifestyles" are "pushed" and paint all of its users as predators and criminals. They consider your tumblr account grounds to call you a predator.

As far as i know they have effectively purged all voices of color. The last I was aware of left this month after extended harassment and gaslighting.

Bringing up race in a progressive context will earn you a ban with the listed reason "insensitive racial comments." Alt-right rhetoric is explicitly allowed in parts of the Nukapedia ecosystem but it is bannable to accuse any other member of spreading alt-right rhetoric.

The first result when you type 'fallout [anything]' in a search engine is a site controlled by an abuse cult

In the most serious way an adult can tell another adult something, I'm telling you it is not safe to treat fallout.fandom.com like anything but a predatory organization.

Fandom's response has been so irresponsible and incompetent that it is not safe for young people to invest themselves in any social community centered on that website

We are cult survivors. They are doing what cults do to outcasts who try to raise awareness of the truth.

same-day follow-ups regarding immediate retaliation to this post: 1 , 2

[quirkwizard]

Worth Two In The Bush

Once again, I would like to take about a controversial point within the story. This is certainly one of the more touchy points for the fans. I guess that's what happens when an event like this involves two fan favorite characters. Not only was it one of the biggest points of the Act 2 finale, but drastically changed how everyone through of Twice and Hawks. And it's something that's has always haunted both characters and any discussion of them. Naturally, I have my own thoughts on it.

Let me get this out of the way right now: yes, what Hawks did was morally wrong. The story constantly frames him killing Twice as a bad thing. Between the admonishment of the world at large and the actions of the villains, it's clear that this was a wrong thing to do. Hawks himself admits how much guilt he felt over doing it. Because everything that the series is going for runs counter to what Hawks did. Because heroes aren't supposed to kill people. They are meant to subdue villains. Even though it isn't exactly the cold blooded killing every one makes it out to be. Hawks gave Twice multiple opportunities to stand down, even if he could have easily killed him.

However, it was also the practical thing to do. Twice was the lynchpin for the villains. If he went off, it was game over for the heroes. Arguably more so then even Gigantomchia or Tomura. Twice could outmatch the heroes on a scale they can't even imagine. Could he have been captured? Maybe. Hawks even made an attempt for him to come along with any conflict. Which is a pretty generous offer given the stakes. And given the situation, it's not exactly a bad decision. Twice was a guy effectively screaming at Hawks he was going to set off a bomb and kill all the heroes. And even after being told to stop, he says he's going to do it. It's either kill him, or the bomb goes off.

And I bring those up first because that's what a lot of the discussion is based around. Because it's something that overshadows and repurposes the scene in a lot of people's minds. Hawks killing Twice isn't just "Look at how bad Hawks and the Commission are." There's more depth to it than that. It's a tragedy about two people who thought they knew one another, but didn't. An important factor in this is that Hawks didn't kill Twice right away. He even tries to give him multiple chances to stand down and save him from Dabi's flames. Which is pretty generous considering the sheer magnitude of Hawk's task and the consequences of it. It's clearly something that's hard for Hawks as well.

Hawks thought that Twice was a good guy in a bad spot. A guy who was just being taken advantage of by the group. Which is kind of right, but it's far too late and Twice is far too deep to pull back in the way that Hawks wanted to. The whole point is that Hawks didn't understand Twice. Because all that offer did was make Twice mad. It was an insult to the bonds he had built with the League members and especially Toga. It's meant to be part of the ongoing theme about trying to help and understand the villains. Hawks did try to get close to Twice and wanted to understand him, but never in a way that could help Twice. Because it was ultimately a surface-level read of someone like Jin.

It's just as much a tragedy for both of the characters. They are both nice people with a lot of baggage for how they are used to their powers. Maybe that's what made them such good friends. They were kindred spirits in a way and had a lot more connections than people give them credit for. For how close they were, they could never truly understand one another. And that ultimately led to ruin for both of them. Hawks has to kill someone that he considers a friend. Twice gets betrayed once again by someone he thought he could trust. All because these are two people wearing masks to protect themselves. And, no matter how close they are to someone, they still need that mask to keep things together.

[lilacxquartz]

UNSHACKLED, part 2;

younger jinichi zenin x f!reader (x toji)

plot: forced to marry into the zenin clan to escape poverty, you get involved in something far more sinister instead.

a/n: finally managed to complete this!! this was a fun one to write! thank you to the anon who requested it — cw: nothing for this chapter, but the previous one has some upsetting themes • based on this ask • previous chapter • masterlist • on ao3

It only took you becoming trapped again to realise that the only choice left was to move forward. You simply didn’t have the option to wait around for a second longer—not with how things were heading, anyway.

No, you had to figure out how to get away from Jinichi once and for all—before he took his obsession with keeping you safe to a whole new, dangerous level—potentially risking your life. After all, that’s how such things would often go, right? A person who was committed to violence would rarely make an exception, and if they did, then it risked potentially becoming worse as time went on.

However, with your social status fully restored, you had selective freedom again. For example, you still had to attend the clan meetings, as did Jinichi, but if it was truly up to him, he wouldn’t let you leave the home at all. It was the clan elders demanded it, though, so that everyone was up to date. Jinichi only didn’t argue with this measure, because he was determined to keep the peace. That was it, nothing more.

Upon arriving at the clan hall to oversee the latest meeting, it seemed different that time. It felt charged, as if something wasn’t quite right about it. There was more tension in the air than normal. Usually, a clan meeting would involve bringing about minor changes or approving someone’s companion status or resolving petty familial politics, but this seemed closer to a trial. Not for you, thank god, but someone from within the family itself—a Zenin—was under investigation.

The details as to what he had done were unclear, but even Jinichi seemed to be frustrated on the matter. He had his arms crossed as he watched on with a narrowed stare, tapping his foot in annoyance. You didn’t say anything, but he did, letting slip of a “Damn it, Toji,” from under this breath.

Your head tilted as you listened in, going as far as to lean in closer. Something about a Zenin being ostracised was an attention-grabber for you, because if they were potentially being banished—as it was discussed—then that could also mean a way out for you, right?

That much surely wasn’t too big of a pipe dream, was it? You deserved to make your own choices in life—especially because this marriage alone was fixed from the start. Any window to love Jinichi back had long closed, because if he wanted genuine affection, then he should never have raised a hand at you.

As the trial went on, you learned more about Toji. You learned that not only was he Jinichi’s younger brother, but also that he couldn’t use cursed energy—just like you. As a result, he was seen as the family burden even as a child. This mention alone caused any remaining hope for your offspring to dwindle, because what kind of a future was that, to be outcasted in your own home?

Though, as your focus became too centred, you had to look away before Jinichi caught on. He was a horrendously jealous man, after all, and that made him dangerous. The safety of carrying your pregnancy out to full term was a mere fraction of the obsession that he felt for you, but otherwise, his fixation was closer to keeping you in line. This was demonstrated heavily in how you presented yourself. He would make comments specifically on your looks, your potential naivety, and on how your existence alone could be construed as lustful. All in all, it felt like you had to walk on eggshells to exist with him, and even then, it was barely like living at all.

You learned to stay quiet and stare at the ground for most matters, and became an expert on telling people apart by the natural lean of their gait instead—through the confidence of their strides. You learned how to smile and nod but never question or challenge another man, save for your assigned midwife, when it came to talking to anyone else, and even then, it was only a matter of time before your child was born, and she, too, would disappear.

Under that notion, however, a new idea sprang into mind. The meeting had just ended, and Jinichi was being held up with another man. Toji, in the meantime, had managed to slip away just out of sight, but you saw exactly where he went. Just after a minute or so had passed, you had the initiative to try and seek permission to cross into the servant’s quarters, to where your midwife likely was, to hopefully catch the attention of your potential way out.

“It isn’t anything to concern yourself over,” you replied to Jinichi, upon him asking you for your reasoning to leave his sight. You kept your voice controlled so as not to let slip anything other than just a mundane check-up. “Just a couple of questions to see if there’s anything I should be doing. Is that so bad?”

Jinichi narrowed his eyes, unable to keep himself from being sceptical, but his combined concern—both for you as well as the baby’s—ultimately won out in the end. His shoulders drooped, but his fists clenched. “Go then,” he allowed, “but you will be back as soon as you have what you need to know – don’t you dare make me worry.”

You nodded and offered him a short, curt smile, and before he could change his mind, you were out of the door and across the estate, charging into the quarters before slipping out of the back. You saw the outcast—Toji—lurking around nearby and knew that you had to somehow get his attention, but the idea of doing so made you freeze up. This was a man who potentially held the key to your escape, and yet the idea of approaching him gave you pause. He was a Zenin, right? What if his intentions were the same as everyone else who lived here? Then again, if he truly hated the systematic oppression of the clan as much as he had claimed—given his stance in the interrogation—then it shouldn’t be that difficult an ask.

After all, he joked a little too much about being the deadweight of the clan, so he must have been at the very least, aware of his position. Somehow, such self-reflection built up trust within you, and you found yourself drawn to him in a way that rivalled Jinichi. A surge of guilt washed through you at that thought, though, because Jinichi, as cold and violent as he was, was far from the worst here. He was stoic, strict, and firm, but he seemed to love you. Though he also hit you. Your mind wandered some more. Would Toji be the same?

Your breath caught again. What was with this unrequited fantasising? Were you that starved of intimacy that a man whom you hadn’t even spoken to yet was who you were pining after? Someone who dared to offer the bare minimum? Was that how low you had fallen?

Though you supposed that sort of crush could be allowed. It was just another thing to keep you sane in the end.

Just as suddenly as you lost yourself to your thoughts, however, you were startled out of them. The voice came in deep, but soft, laced with light concern. “You okay there? Lost?”

You flinched, gasping out as you took a step back. “N-no, I’m just—” you tried to reply, but months of being conditioned not to talk back to men had you second-guessing yourself. You hated the feeling. “I—” you tried once more, but found yourself clutching at your stomach, bracing for a potential impact.

The voice scoffed. “Seriously?”

You allowed yourself to blink up, sighing but also gulping that it was the person you tried to get in contact with. You tried to say something again, but it all fell short, leaving you choking on empty silence. This seemed to annoy him.

“Alright,” he continued, giving you a second to breathe. “What unlucky fuck are you wed to?” he asked, glancing over the ring on your finger.

“J-Jinichi?” you almost whimpered out.

Another scoff escaped his lips, but his annoyed stare softened into concern. “Unlucky girl,” he murmured, “not the worst, but not the best either. Wait,” he then caught, “you’re the chick he got into trouble for, right?”

Your eyes widened slightly as you looked away. “Y-yes…”

“Interesting, interesting,” Toji nodded along, taking a deep breath. He looked around himself, looking equally cautious. Maybe it was that he didn’t want to cause any unnecessary trouble, especially given that he wasn’t on the greatest of terms with his clan. “I’ll keep it short then. Why are you following me?”

“I’m not—” you backpedaled.

“—You must be,” he quickly corrected you, “because otherwise you wouldn’t be here, now would you?” he asked. “Now spill it, what do you want from me? Did Jinichi put you up to this? He want something before I fuck off forever? If it’s money, then he’s just as shit out of luck as I am.”

You shook your head. “N-no!” you blurted out, trying to save face. “I-I… It’s different. It’s actually maybe silly now that I think about it, but..”

As you trailed off, steeling yourself for the question that you were so desperate to ask, Toji took the liberty to look around and ensure that nobody else was eavesdropping. You could tell from the slight huff and tick of his lip—from his crossed arms—that he found the way you took forever to get your point as annoying. Then again, he was also acting very patient. So maybe he understood your predicament perfectly well.

Finally, you got the question out. “You’re going to be banished, right?”

Toji smiled, flashing his teeth at you. “Nah, I’m voluntarily leaving, or at least that’s what I said a month ago,” he replied, “they held me up since then, telling me they’ll exile me next, but only under their terms. Fucking clan poltiics and its easily wounded pride. They just couldn’t handle me retaining my ego. I’ll be better off without all of this bullshit.”

“C-can you take me with you?” you asked flat out, or rather, blurted.

The question hung in the air for longer than you would have liked as Toji paused, trying to determine if you were being genuine or not.

“Take you with me?” he repeated in a quiet mumble. He considered it for a second, taking in the sight of your pregnancy-swollen stomach. Technically, he could. The more people that leave this forsaken place, the better. “How soon are you due?” he then asked in a more level tone.

“In about… two or three months?” you guesstimated. “Is it doable?”

Toji clicked his tongue and shrugged, not outright denying you, but trying to keep realistic at the same time. “Anything’s doable, and I can’t blame ya for wanting to get out. Knowing my stingy brother, he probably doesn’t let you do anything, huh?”

You reluctantly nodded. “Y-yeah, I mean, he thinks I’m talking to our midwife right now, so it’ll be any second that he realises that I’m not there…”

Toji’s cheek then twitched as if expecting him to round in on him around the corner, but luckily, such a confrontation wasn’t in his cards just yet. He did, however, know that he had to be quick before something of the sort became a reality. He wanted to help you—to save an unknowing life from being born into this whole mess, but time was of the essence. If either of you wanted to do it right, then it had to be immediate. “What a miserable man he’s become…” he trailed off, concluding his thoughts, “he wasn’t always like this, but this place just does something to you.”

You were about to open your mouth to ask if he was going to help you, but then Toji spoke again.

“He’s a deep sleeper, as you’ve probably noticed,” he considered, “his technique is all brute strength, so he sleeps like a rock.”

“Right,” you replied.

“Yeah, so you should be able to sneak out at night,” Toji suggested. “Meet me right here at around midnight, and I’ll get you out.”

“Wait, really?” you asked, but then you heard a set of another set of footsteps rapidly closing in on your position. You heard your name being called out and stiffened as you registered it as the sound of Jinichi’s accusing voice in the distance. It was very likely that the midwife hadn’t covered for you, since her life was just as much on the line as yours was.

You turned around to meet with your husband, looking behind to warn Toji, but he had already vanished from view. Just as you were about to think of another excuse, however, Jinichi wrapped his hand tightly around your wrist, yanking you towards him. His eyes glinted with anger, but also a hint of madness. Just like you, he had become a shell of who he once was. He no longer acted like the man who once yearned for you, turning into the very sort of person that he despised, but was too blind to see it.

“What were you doing?” he asked. “And who were you talking to?”

Your mind raced as you tried to form a believable excuse. You went with whatever popped into mind first. “I-I just needed some fresh air–some space, I promise it was just that,” you replied, trying to keep your voice calm, “it was just so stuffy in there before, I just needed to breathe. I tried to do so out of everyone’s way, though. I was just feeling… so faint… I’m sorry—”

Then he cut you off. “—You were feeling faint?”

You nodded, tensing just in case you made it worse for yourself.

However, all Jinichi did was let go of your wrist. He sighed deeply as if trying to bring himself down from his initial anger, clenching his fists at his sides instead. He then took another deep breath. It was clear that he was trying his best not to hurt you in vain.

“I… see,” he replied in a strained voice, “I suppose that much is acceptable, but let's not do it again. Tell me when you’re feeling umwell next time, and I’ll make sure you get the space you want. Just… don’t put yourself at risk again.”

You shuddered out a sigh of relief, thankful that he was being understanding, or trying to be. “Of course,” you said, “it won’t happen again. I’ll let you know the next time.”

~~~

Come the arrival of nightfall, you felt as if you were performing a role rather than acting naturally. You had a believable excuse, at least. You claimed that you were simply just acting strange because you were either craving things that he might judge you for, or just generalised anxiety surrounding the prospect of childbirth. To his credit, Jinichi tried to walk you through all of these things. Such an effort left you feeling guilty for what you were about to do, but not enough to make you stay.

He would have to turn into a different person entirely for you to reconsider.

It didn’t take Jinichi too long to fall asleep when it was time to do so. Your body language only mimicked his, drooping your eyelids in a rehearsed manner but not succumbing to it. You had to be up often anyway to use the bathroom, so slipping out from the moment his breathing evened out wasn’t that uncommon. He likely expected it by now, so his arm fell away from your side with ease.

However, the creaky floor was what almost gave you away as you advanced towards the front door. You dressed lightly for the occasion, tossing on a light robe that would keep you decent. Everything else was to be left behind. Material possessions hardly mattered to you—not when your life was potentially at stake. Everything else could be replaced given enough time, even if it wouldn’t match the brief taste of luxury that you had been exposed to.

Hunger was also one of those looming concerns that weighed heavily on you, but it wouldn’t be the worst fate to be subjected to. Not when the future you had here was closer to being a prisoner than anything else—an incubator at best. You shuddered to imagine what would become of you when you were old.

Still, you successfully managed to bridge the distance from the bed to the front door without as much as a single snort from your husband, meeting with the cold night air. Somehow, though, sneaking around the estate at night, all alone, seemed to be the more difficult task at hand. You weren’t sure who else you were to potentially run into while out here—but Toji was right where he promised to be.

He took one look at you as he met with you. “That’s all you're taking?” he asked, noticing your empty hands.

You shrugged, not seeing the point of taking more than you could carry. “It would just hold me back, right?”

Toji smiled tightly. He wanted you to at least grab some jewellery or something so that you could pawn it off to give yourself a chance, but he dropped the issue before it even started. “Fair enough,” he supposed, “come along then.”

You followed after him, hardly daring to breathe as slowly but surely, he guided you through the dark paths of the Zenin estate. Every step you took felt like it echoed the wrong way, and you felt so heavy in your movements—though that much could have just been from the bloat of your condition. Your anxiety was at an all-time high, though, no matter how much you tried to keep it down—gasping and flinching at every crack and snap beneath your feet.

“Calm down,” Toji muttered as he walked in front of you. There was that same hint of annoyance colouring his tone, but he didn’t sound angry with you, at least not in the same way that Jinichi could ever be.

You swallowed hard, trying to level your breathing, but it didn’t work as well as you hoped. Somehow, it just made you even more aware of everything that you did. Your heartbeat drummed loudly in your ears, masking your train of thought, causing you to overthink more than you had to.

You were escaping him, weren’t you? Besides that point, this was also your only shot. You couldn’t let your fear of being caught cloud your judgment, because then it would all have been for nothing.

Toji tried to bring you down to earth again. “You know, if I can hear you freaking out, then so can everyone else,” he pointed out, “especially Jinichi; he has this uncanny sixth sense for that sort of thing. So do us both a favour and take a deep breath. You’re fine. Seriously.”

Finally, you heeded his words and tried to listen to him. You weren’t being loud, you could tell that now. It was actually impossible to be so with how carefully you were walking, so it truly was all in your head. You mirrored his breathing, going as far as stepping where he did to keep yourself grounded until finally, you weren’t at the estate anymore. Thick trees hugged the area, making it difficult to make anything out in the dark without the overhead moon and stars. Toji remained close to you the whole time, but keeping in step with him was starting to become a challenge. While he moved gracefully, every other place your foot landed, near-risked you twisting your ankle.

Just before you were to take a step further, however, Toji’s hand shot out to stop you. “Easy, we’re here,” he muttered out. “You can get in if you’d like.”

You looked around, unable to see what he was talking about.

“Where?”

He tapped the roof of a car, the sound of metal startling you slightly. “In here,” he said before yanking off what sounded like a tarp from around the vehicle, brushing off any scattered branches. “I highly doubt you could help me roll this thing out, even if you weren’t pregnant.”

“Wait, you have a car out here?” you asked. “You were planning this for that long?”

Toji shrugged and swung the door open, helping you settle into the passenger seat. He cranked down the window for you, propping the palm of his hand through the open space, sandwiching the roof between his hands before pushing it slowly along a slope. “Yup,” he hummed as he walked the car slowly through the path he cleared just months before, “I was going to do this much earlier, but then they found out that I wanted to leave. Their version of banishment wouldn’t be without beating me up a little, though,” he laughed as he explained, throwing you off slightly, “hell, I’m still supposed to be in holding. Jokes on them, right? They’ll wake up to both of us gone. Paints quite the picture.”

You remained quiet for the time being, not immediately catching onto his implication, thinking everything else over. It didn’t take him too long to navigate the car over to a road, even if it was an old, underused one. For the most part, you tried to erase as much of your presence as possible to avoid being detected if someone was tailing you, but it seemed to be going smoothly. Another thought entered your mind at that, wondering just how furious Jinichi either was now, soon, or later on…

Toji then slipped into the driver’s seat and started up the car, cursing under his breath as the engine sputtered a good few times. “Piece of shit,” he muttered, “why wont it fucking—” he paused as a smooth purr evened out, leaning back and clapping his hands once in approval, “there we go.”

And as you both drove away, your mind wandered again, and again, and again. It all kept going back and forth to Jinichi and how he would react, and if there was a slim chance that you were in the wrong for leaving him so abruptly. After all, this was sudden. You put your trust into a stranger who was leaving, just so that you could take your leave. It was out of pure luck that he turned out to be a decent person, because what if he wasn’t?

“Are you thinking about him?” Toji asked, making you jolt from the question. His voice was somehow sharp as it cut through.

You tried to deny it right away, even if the look on your face said it all. “N-no… I could be thinking about anything else.”

He scoffed. “Yeah? I can see it in your eyes.”

“Fine, it’s just…” you trailed off, feeling weird for talking about this with someone who was his younger brother, unsure why he felt so much more trustworthy than a person you had been married to for a while now. “I’m conflicted. There were times recently when he has been nice to me…”

Toji huffed a breath of laughter. “You think that means he cares?”

You didn’t immediately reply.

He drew out a long sigh. He likely thought you were brainwashed at this point, but he couldn’t blame you. “He’s probably trying to be sweet so that you won’t get cold feet. If he’s been an asshole throughout most of it, then you probably did something to make him doubt himself.”

“Well, that much would have been when he caught me wandering around on my own after our initial talk,” you considered.

Toji tapped the wheel of the car. “Then that’ll be it. Probably thought you couldn’t stand him anymore,” his tone was blunt but it wasn’t cruel as he continued, “look, I know my brother. He’s stubborn and he won’t change no matter how he convincing he might be. He’s just too tied down to that place.”

“I suppose you’re right…” you replied, leaning your head on the now-closed window.

Toji took note of your sudden resigned demeanour. “Look, I’m not judging you or anything, alright? Half of the outsiders they bring into such a place to marry never had a choice either. It’s not your fault. It’s just how people are in there.”

Your heart dropped without meaning to.

Something ate away at you.

He was still a Zenin, right?

“Why are you helping me leave then?” you barked out, unable to mask the hostility in your voice. “Like, truly, why?”

“Why not?” Toji was quick to respond. “I might as well do some good if I’m leaving, right? Besides, it’s unlikely that he’s going to wake up and change by some miracle into a better person, so you’re better off away from him.”

You shuddered out a breath but didn’t press the matter further, closing your eyes for a moment and just listening to the road. Toji was right, no matter how much your mind denied it. Jinichi was only ever going to get worse the longer that he stayed in that place and you highly doubted that he was ever going to leave. You had to be realistic. A daughter, as you were aware, would grow up to be a prisoner or a second class citizen in her own home. A son might grow up into becoming the very sort of person you’re afraid of.

So, overall, it was better to move away, even if this was his baby, too.

Eventually, the trees started to blur past as he hit the main road, illuminating the area a bit better. You could tell that you were far enough away for the clan to not be able to catch up right away. This gave you enough room to let your mind wander, feeling a surge of guilt yet again where it was taking you. The old feelings resurfaced, making you see this man in particular, in a different light again.

Just for practicing the bare minimum.

Toji wasn’t blind to this, and he caught you out as you were trying to make your staring not so obvious—but it was. Abundantly so, in fact. His lips anchored into a frown as he considered what you must have been feeling, not quite blaming you for going in that direction, but not wanting to lead you on at the same time.

“Quit that,” he lightly scolded.

You straightened up your posture and tried to act natural. “What?”

“Looking at me like that,” he replied. “I’m not as good of a guy as you think. I’m helping you, yes, but I’m not reliable… or likeable for that matter. So just… don’t.”

You pouted without meaning to, crossing your arms. Pregnancy was messing with your hormones. You wanted to complain instead, perhaps, and Toji was driving you away anyway, so you went with it. “Who’s going to want a young mother who’s all on her own otherwise?”

He narrowed his eyes as he quickly glanced you over. “God, that place has poisoned you so much. A chick having a kid from a previous relationship doesn’t define her worth.”

You didn’t say anything, realising he had a point.

“Besides,” he continued, still sounding irritated from your question, “the right person won’t care, alright?”

“D-do…” you began, seeing an opening. “Do you care?”

Toji turned his head away. “No,” he admitted, “but I’m not that much better.”

“You helped me when I asked,” you insisted, “that’s something, right? You could have just turned me away, but you didn’t…”

Toji didn’t reply to that sentiment, extending a hand to tinker with the radio instead. A rock song came into play from the static, forcing you to sit and stew away as he tapped along the wheel, on occasion singing along to the lyrics.

Your mind began to wander again. You were starting to resent yourself. “Do you think—“ you started, stopping yourself to wet your lips and to refine your question. “Do you think they’ll come looking for me?”

Toji didn’t reply right away, but when he did, there was a long drawn out sigh. “I mean, there’s a chance. Especially since you’re pregnant, which makes this whole situation a lot more complicated.”

“I-it does?” you fussed.

“It’s not my view,” Toji replied, “but essentially you’re property carrying property right now, so they might not take it lightly that you’re gone is all I’m saying.

“What happens if I’m ever found?” you hesitantly asked.

Toji huffed out more air as he considered it. He almost didn’t want to tell you. “Probably the same thing as what would happen to me if they found me. I bounced before they let me, right? So the punishment for that would be death.”

You were quiet for a bit.

“I-isn’t that a bit extreme?” you stammered.

Toji shook his head as he made a turn on the road. “Nah, it’s on par. Maintaining an image is everything to a Zenin, so they’ll punish you accordingly to the crime you’ve committed. I tainted their pride, so they won’t be too happy. You not only did that, but took something from them too,” he said, flicking his eyes to your stomach.

“W-wait—“ you started to panic, but he cut you off before you could get far.

“—That’s if they care that much, though,” he caught you, “I don’t know much about you, but if Jinichi had already gotten himself in trouble for you and you’re causing yet even more shit by leaving, then there’s a chance that you’re a burden that they’re happy to be free from.”

“I’m a burden?” you pouted, though, you tried to turn your tone playful.

Toji just laughed. “They like it when women don’t ask questions and when they do as they’re told. You didn’t exactly do that, did you?”

“I didn’t,” you replied, allowing your pout to smooth into something genuine, “but I tried to…”

He simply just nodded, glad that you seemed to be getting his point. You were surprisingly easy to talk to, all things considered.

“I started to do so because it did beat being poor and hungry. I feel like I set myself back by going back to that—“ you said, but stopped yourself. You didn’t want to make it seem that you were guilting him.

However, Toji didn’t mind. If you were easy to get along with, then he could help you out for a bit longer. A part of him would feel too bad if he left you all alone anyway. A sheltered, heavily pregnant woman with no home didn’t look too good.

“You can stay with me,” he offered, “until you figure out a better plan, that is.”

You blinked. “Wait, really?”

Toji continued, drifting his car off onto a busier road. “Yeah, but only until you find something better,” he allowed, taking the route instead to where he had a place, but nothing fancy. It was just enough to keep a roof over both of your heads, but not much else. He glanced at you next, unable to resist making a jab. “No falling in love with me though.”

You couldn’t help but scoff. “Pardon?”

“I’m not kidding,” he said, splitting his lips into a grin. “I’ve got enough problems without you falling for me.”

You studied him for a second and then crossed your arms, falling back into your seat. Somehow you fed right into the sort of chemistry that he enjoyed.

“Yeah, right,” you half laughed, “I take it all back. You can get over yourself now.”

The silence was somehow loud as you both fell quiet, but then you said something that got his attention without meaning to.

“Besides, you’ll probably fall in love first.”

Toji didn’t reply to that, keeping his jaw set tight as he couldn’t deny that there was something in the air. The drive hadn’t been too long, maybe close to an hour or two by now, but he was having fun and that both excited him, as well we made him sad. Excited because you were fun to talk to, and it would only get better as you warmed up further, but sad that the place you were tied down to made you lose that spark.

After a moment more, he finally let a laugh slip out of him. “God,” he snorted, shaking his head, “you’re such a pain in the ass.”

Though, the way he said it wasn’t scolding. It was warm, and the silence that followed wasn’t resentful anymore, nor was it awkward. It felt comfortable, even, as if you had both seemed to reach a mutual understanding.

It finally felt like things weren’t so pointless or linear anymore, and maybe, even, that you were going to be just fine.

You made it out, didn’t you?

So you could get through whatever else was up ahead, too.

[dg-outlaw]

Different Flavors, But I Still Enjoyed Both Treats...

... and why I think you should watch both, especially if you skipped Captain America: Brave New World.

* Spoiler free post below the cut *

So I just finished watching Captain America: Brave New World... after seeing Thunderbolts*. Why did I see these in the opposite order of their release? Investment, marketing, and reviews.

Investment: I often don't see movies right away in theaters mostly because of health safety given the last few years of dealing with Covid in the world. My wife is my go-to movie partner and without going into details she's at higher risk of health complications if she gets sick so we often wait for the general crowd to die down. We also try to make an evening out of it when we do eventually go out to the movies. We pick a movie we're confident we'll enjoy, we get some food, maybe a drink or two, and we have fun. All that to say, because of time and money we don't see every movie in the theaters even if we do eventually want to see a certain one.

Marketing and Reviews: I think given the recent floundering of MCU movies and Marvel trying to find what works, the marketing of Brave New World was a bit off in hopes of getting people back in the theater. Via some trusted reviewers I follow and the general consensus online, the overall review for BNW was that it was a watered down version of the action/political thriller that has been the tone/genre of the Captain America series. The exception being The First Avenger which is more of an action/war film. That said, I think the better description of the Cap series is that they are dad movies and I think this is where Marvel missed the mark in trying to market this film. Instead, I think they wanted this movie to be the shot in the arm the MCU needed.

Yes, The Winter Soldier took most of us by surprise and injected a different tone into the MCU, but at it's core it's a action/political thriller wrapped in a superhero movie. It's also an excellent film and (IMO) still one of the best MCU films. But again, the Cap films are dad movies and I don't say that as an insult as I enjoy a good or even a mediocre dad movie. In fact, look at the supporting actors in three of the Cap films; The First Avenger - Tommy Lee Jones, The Winter Soldier - Robert Redford, and Brave New World - Harrison Ford. These are your classic dad movie actors and somewhere somebody knew this and knew these actors would get dads (and people who enjoy dad movies) in theaters or at least on couches watching "some goofy superhero movie."

So why didn't BNW wow fans or reviewers? I think the answer to this is two-fold. One, this movie wasn't the popcorn action spectacle that many of the later trailers marketed it to be. Yes, it had action and spectacle, but it was within the more muted tone of the movie's genre, though it still had plenty of action. Two, it wasn't the second coming of The Winter Soldier. While it touched on certain political themes and involved Sam Wilson trying to navigate a political environment as the new Captain America it didn't go super deep, but I think that's fine because... it was a dad film, and I enjoyed it. The Winter Soldier changed the game and gave us something new, but I don't think this film was meant to do that. It was meant to entertain, whereas Thunderbolts* ended up becoming the actual gamechanger the MCU has needed.

Sadly, I trusted reviews a little too much and when it came to deciding between watching BNW and Thunderbolts* in the theater, I chose Thunderbolts*. And despite my enjoyment of BNW, I'm glad I chose Thunderbolts*, but I don't hold that against BNW. Cap 4 fits well within the Cap series, maybe more so than Civil War because it isn't trying to shoehorn in a bunch of other things like a mini Avengers movie and introductions for future films like Spider-Man and Black Panther. Was it as serious in tone as The Falcon and the Winter Soldier Disney+ series? No, but I think it stuck the landing better than that series did. If anything, I was more disappointed in the Disney+ series because that series set up and opened the door for some interesting political/social commentary, but bailed on those things in favor of action and spectacle in it's finale, along with overall poor pacing. BNW is a solid action movie, a solid dad movie, and didn't bite off more than it could chew, and I hope we get more of Sam Wilson's Captain America in the future.

So while Thunderbolts* is inspiring all new memes, fan art, and fanfics, I hope that if you're a fan of the Cap series in general or fun, Sunday afternoon dad movies, you give Captain America: Brave New World a chance. Thunderbolts* was great and I'm eager to see it again, but I'm glad I gave Brave New World a chance.

[guiltyandashamed]

Not exactly a request but bro your Beel HCs and snippets are so in character and it makes me so happy 🥺🥺🥺😭😭 Do you have any miscellaneous HCs for him that you haven’t gotten a chance to share? I’d love to hear some!! 🥺💗

Thanks :) Hope u enjoy!

headcannons: beel

Beel is quiet, but not because he doesn’t have anything to say, he’s just thinking all the time. He listens before he speaks.

He genuinely doesn’t mind doing chores if it means keeping the peace in the House of Lamentation. Especially heavy lifting or errands that involve carrying things.

He’s one of the most observant brothers, especially when it comes to people’s habits. He notices when someone’s sad or tired, even if they don’t say anything.

He has a soft spot for animals and is surprisingly gentle with creatures much smaller than him. He once fed a crow with crumbs for a week and named it "Toast."

Beel and Mammon have a surprisingly good relationship. Mammon sneaks snacks to him in class, and Beel never rats him out. They have an unspoken food-based truce.

Satan once taught Beel about Devildom flora and which fruits were safe to eat, and Beel now brings him rare samples he finds while out hiking.

Lucifer relies on Beel for reinforcement, not to intimidate, but because Beel’s silent presence is enough to keep things from escalating when tensions rise.

Beel makes sure Belphie eats properly, even if it’s just nibbling on something. He often cooks extra and just leaves it on Belphie’s desk without comment.

Asmo’s the only one who can get Beel to sit still to do his hair or nails. Beel falls asleep during them half the time, and Asmo doesn’t mind “You’re like a golden retriever.”

Whenever Levi orders food packs in bulk, hoping to get a rare prize, Beel helps him go through them all. He does it for the free food, of course, but he enjoys seeing Levi's reaction to the prizes.

Beel always saves the last bite for you, no matter how hungry he is. If you're eating together, he instinctively offers you food from his own plate.

You get used to packing snacks for Beel, but he ends up sharing half of them. He thanks you every single time, even if it’s just a single chip.

Beel isn’t physically clingy unless you initiate, but once you do, he melts. He’ll wrap you in his arms and let you nap on his chest for hours.

Beel is fascinated by your cooking skills if you cook. If you can’t, he happily teaches you, even if it turns into a “we ate all the ingredients” situation.

If you give him food with a personal note, he’ll tape the note to his wall. Even the tiniest “eat well today!” becomes part of a small collection by his bed.

[jasper-unofficial]

I don't know if you saw it, but MarkOhm talked about the critcism that their series are receiving and the low engagement. Mark even said that they "lost" with this project. What do you think about it?

(I didn't watch Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist so I don't have an opinion about the series, but for me is pretty sad this "engagement" culture and how this affect a project)

i dropped "sweet tooth, good dentist" personally and i do think there are objective criticisms to be made of the show, to be fair. i think in this particular case it's more a discussion of the fans' reception rather than anything else.

but in terms of engagement, i think it's a complex topic.

like would i want no one to ever think about money ever again? for sure. but you know. that's a very what if the world was made of pudding conversation. gmmtv is a capitalistic monster just like any other. they are going to put money first.

to be fair - and not to give them any credit, but - i think they are somewhat reasonable when it comes to numbers like this. there are definitely some load-bearing series that they release with money on their mind (my love mix-up th was definitely one of those), but they also leave some room to breathe for other series independent of numbers (jojo has been allowed to make multiple series year after year despite many of them being flops from the perspective of numbers - i do not exaggerate when i say that thk is his first undeniably successful work engagement-wise) and they even think of some series as little side projects that won't bring in much (they clearly thought 'we are' was gonna be a flop, which is why we got blessed with literally zero product placement in the series lmao, yet it got made after years of new running around trying to make it happen with other companies who kept saying no).

the thing about this particular situation, if you are worried for markohm specifically, is that you can breathe and rest easy. they got a mascot just now, despite all the poor engagement. so, as far as gmmtv's response to it goes, they have clearly decided to give them a chance regardless. a mascot means they are here to stay.

however, as a bigger conversation, when it comes to people who are, if we are to be frank, not lucky enough to be attached to a golden boy of the company, there have been instances when actors were punished for a series doing poorly. which sucks, especially when the reason why the series flopped was due to the script or something else unrelated to the actors. i think gmmtv unfairly expects its actors to carry anything on their backs, even a bad script.

there is also the separate conversation of gmmtv having too many artists signed with no signs of stopping. that's the reason why an actor could get punished for their series not being very successful so easily. because gmmtv has no incentive to actually utilise everyone they have. it's not like they have actors who make up series - they have series that involve actors instead, which means that a bunch of their actors could easily not be involved at all or be "demoted" to smaller roles. another problem is that they almost exclusively hire their own actors for secondary roles that might spark interest in the audience, because they once again have money on their mind and every actor playing a secondary character is always a suggestion for a future main role. they don't want to be doing any accidental promotion of someone they don't have a contract with. and then, of course, actors who are main role material pretty much never do secondary roles anymore, so basically everyone wants to become a main but not everyone can be one. it's a vicious cycle. or perhaps some kind of a fucked up version of a pyramid scheme.

realistically speaking, though, i find it hard to imagine an alternative to the engagement system they have right now.

thai qls are in a unique spot of being huge with an international audience and that is extremely important to gmmtv because we also bring in a lot of money. when we are talking about something like an american prime time tv show - they just look at the number of viewers on fucking abc or wherever it airs and that's how they decide whether to renew a series or not. the question of "renewal" is much the same when it comes to giving a pair of actors another series, but gmmtv can't realistically rely on just the gmm channel viewers or just the streaming service views or just the youtube views. and then if we compare this to something like the way netflix makes its decisions (and often ends up cancelling shows), at least gmmtv is not blindly looking at a mostly meaningless and immediate viewership statistic. twitter numbers are something fans have complete control over and they reflect how much people are enjoying the series relatively well. they also give a rough idea of where exactly in the world the series is being watched (and where they might want to go with fancons and events).

gmmtv needs to know what's popular and what people want to see. it's a very symbiotic relationship in that sense - they aren't just going to make whatever, they are going to make things that they think we want to see. and they need a way to find out what we want to see. which is apparently twitter. which i hate. cause i hate twitter. i'm literally not on there. my voice here contributes nothing to the actual conversation because everything is over on fucking twitter. but, at the same time, what's the alternative?

[adhbabey]

I was gonna make a post for the last day of BPD awareness month, but uh, it's already 2 days into june, so happy pride, yay... but uh seriously ok i wanted to talk about BPD, but my ADHD always gets in the way. Sorry that im late.

Anyway, yeah. I've always been sort of misinformed about BPD, even when supporting those with personality disorders in general, but it's really just a whole other thing when you realize you struggle with it.

Anyway, for those unaware, BPD is borderline personality disorder, not bipolar disorder (that's referred to as BP), just so you guys know what im talking about. It's a cluster b personality disorder, alongside NPD, ASPD, and HPD. Honestly, I don't really know all the traits of BPD, but it's characterized by abandonment issues. That's really the most important part, in my opinion, and is the thing I've actively denied for years.

And most people seem to think that BPD always involves some sort of risky behavior, that those with it always rapidly change their hair/appearance, that they do substances, or do any sort of self injuring behavior. It's what I always thought. I had assumed that if you didn't participate in risky behavior, that you didn't have BPD. But that's not true.

You do not have to do impulsive, risky, or physical self-harm to have BPD. And you do not need avoidant attachment either. You don't have to have pushed people away or participated in self-destructive behaviors, like cutting people off, to have BPD.

And this isn't to say that those with these behaviors don't have BPD, I am just saying it's more common. However, there's a lot of people with it who fall under other "subtypes" or traits such as emotional outbursts, codependency, repression, etc.

You can be an anxious attachment person who overanalyzes everything and still tries to fix issues despite your brain screaming at you that they all hate you and don't like you. You can be someone who just wants to be liked and doesn't know why you bawl your eyes out when your partner is with a friend right in front of you. Even if you like that person, even if that person would never do anything to your relationship.

You can be someone who punishes yourself when you get angry or upset at people you love. You can be afraid, terrified, even when you do something wrong and need to apologize. It can be hard to stand up for yourself when there's someone you have so many conflicting feelings about, but you'd still die/kill for them. It can be so difficult to let go of something that's hurting you. You may feel as if your heart will shatter if you ever let go.

These things, and more, could be you with BPD. Someone who bawls your eyes out over a small disagreement, and then not too long after, feels angry and resentful, especially over issues that remain. Someone who can't help but cry or scream, but feels nothing and empty 20 minutes later.

Sometimes, I don't even feel human. The identity diffusion is so severe. The paranoia that comes with it is so intense, I feel like everyone is lying behind my back. It's something I realize I've lived with for years.

Every day, I devalue myself. It's very difficult to accept how little I think I deserve. So yeah. I realize how much I hate people I love, then get so angry with myself for being angry at all.

BPD is secondary dissociation, with everyone with it, having separate emotional/trauma parts. And, if you know anything about dissociative disorders, this will be similar. But those with it can involuntarily age regress, suddenly have intense emotional flashbacks and experience splitting (devaluing & idealizing). I find it kind of silly how little people actually know about it.

So yeah. Wanted to make this for May, now it's June. If you are considering symptoms and traits of BPD, to see if it's like you, look at these couple of articles here: one. two.

People often dramaticize this disorder more than it's actually like. It's probably because it feels deeply extreme to the ones who actually experience it. But it's not that bad, besides the impulse to die. But I'd say as long as you can ride out your feelings without physical harm, you're probably okay. You should still try therapy, though.

So yeah. Hope this sheds some light onto this disorder. And if you have any questions, let me know. And if you have any criticisms, gently fuck off. 👍

[rei-ismyname]

The (character) assassination of Wanda Maximoff by the coward Joe Quesada

Charles Xavier is not a psychotherapist

After giving her coworkers some unwelcome feedback, Wanda Maximoff is in a bit of a state. For some reason Xavier thinks he can help by shouting at her. He's a PHD in psychiatry but his record in nurturing the mental health of others is ... shit. He's really bad at this okay. There's a whole thing with Wanda's kids not existing and it doesn't make a lot of sense tbh. Whether by magic or reality warping she's not allowed to create kids for reasons unstated.

This back and forth goes on for a while but Chuck deems no progress made. Just ... Let her have the kids dude. Wanda reality warps to undo tragedy, harming nobody, and Chuck just yells at her to stop. It's profoundly cruel and unproductive. Marvel events play fast and loose with narrative causality and characterisation but House of M is so fucking egregious. The misogyny and ableism behind it is still felt today. Ironically, Charles Xavier is probably the worst parent on the island.

Generally speaking Magneto is a terrible parent but here and now he does want to be there for Wanda. When it was just him being supportive he read to her and spent time with her while she slept. As much as you can help someone with grief that's about all you can do. Now Wanda's powers are ... making her crazy? I guess? Let's not beat around the bush - it's ridiculous framing. House of M contains oh so much man pain compared to voicing the pain of Wanda.

Chuck has been telepathically drugging and sedating Wanda, and he's baffled as to why she's not magically getting better. Sounds like torture to me, frankly. Classic Chuck to first present it as inhumane, then not foolproof, then admit it's not working. If it was working you bet your bottom dollar he'd continue with what he's already doing. He says Magneto shouldn't blame himself (he should) and that she's a grown woman. That sounds like blaming Wanda to me. You'd think he'd have learnt his lesson from sedating and drugging his son David for years without improvement (by his metrics.) Nyet.

That's a pretty reductive summation of their history but the broad strokes are there. Mags was an abusive maniac to the twins before they knew they were related, and his behaviour since then has been... mixed, at best. His culpability is severe but it's often used to minimise anyone else's. The Avengers have been pretty awful here and there as well, especially here reproductive autonomy is concerned. Ask Carol about that one.

Mags casually walking on the sky is pretty damn cool and he should do it more often. IDK why he's doing it now, but good for him I guess.

Sometime shortly, The Avengers and X-Men get together to 'decide the fate' of Wanda. It's like they know they're in an event and dutifully summon everyone they know to argue. Their sources for this decision are not especially reliable, and a lot of people that should know better are either silent or absent.

Pietro knows what's up. The gathered heroes are just giving off that vibe. He's obviously not happy about the prospect at all, but Magneto is not much help. I find it hard to believe he'd think they may be right. He's a terrible father but he's not an idiot. He asks 'what would you have me do?' as if there aren't hundreds of options that don't involve killing Wanda. Let her have the kids! Take her to space or something. Isn't there a mutant cure kicking around ATM? None of these are mentioned.

Back at the brain trust zero progress has been made. Emma has Logan's script and advocates for killing her, and Logan obviously callously agrees. This frames the argument as 'kill Wanda: Y/N?' and magic/telepathy the only possible solutions. Pietro was right, honestly, but Wanda doesn't even get a voice. Cap insists that there's always another way, but nobody has one. In the end, everyone heads to Genosha to talk to Wanda but we'll never know how that would have gone. House of M isn't interested in asking those questions at all.

I'm skipping the entire event here because the focus is Wanda and she's not a character in the House of M reality. She's barely a character in 616 at this time, simplified into 'crazy mother.' I certainly blame Brian Michael Bendis, as the writer of this event, but it was Quesada's decision and the buck stops with him. Mutants (allegedly) needed to be decimated and Wanda was the means. After using her similarly for Avengers Disassembled it's wild in retrospect that they doubled down. Not surprising, of course, but considering how many people would have had the chance to say 'this is sexist and ableist garbage' before it went to print...

Worst of all, 'no more mutants' defined and derailed Wanda Maximoff's character for decades. I'd say she's only escaped the shadow of it in the last few years, but her peers never had to face their part in the tragedy. I was glad that she was being used as Krakoa's boogeyman because it highlighted how ridiculous the whole thing is. It also led to her reclaiming her narrative, which needed to happen but it's not a good look. I will do a part 2 covering that end soon.

[mitchellbernford]

Mitch laughed in surprise at Theo's comment. "I mean that actually feels like a compliment. Though geez, mate, I can't even imagine how awkward that had to be." He'd never given any of this a thought but after the locker room talk about Cene he was more aware of the sort of shit Theo might have worried about. "I'm guessing it worked out for you. Which I'm glad about for you." He laughed when Theo said his standards were questionable. "Maybe there's some hope for me after all," he quipped in reply. "Nah, I didn't think that. If it had, I wouldn't have blamed ya. I was raised muggle, never heard about gay people but had I, I doubt it'd have been good things. Can't really ever tell with people. 'Preciate you saying so though." It was nice of Theo to make sure he knew that. But Mitch didn't blame him for keeping it to himself. "I'm pretty sure I got hit on by a bloke once. It was after a win and so I was kinda blitzed. Okay a lot," he added with an embarrassed laugh. "I could be wrong. Especially since the bloke was one of them talking trash about Cene. So like I said, never can tell about people."

He didn't usually talk about his past partying ways. It coming up and Theo having told Mitch something that was sort of an open secret made him decide to. Probably would be a good thing too because his not drinking anymore had caused some friction on his current team. Maybe he could avoid that with Puddlemere. He nodded when Theo said wow, it was no coming out as a gay bloke in a relationship with your captain but it was a lot. Mitch laughed when Theo made a little joke. "Not half as much as the unicorns I bet." He didn't expect the rest of what Theo said. Especially that question. "Thanks mate. When I saw it was messing with my game it was kind of easy. Easier I guess. Going muggle I managed to keep it quiet so that helped too." He didn't want that sort of attention. "But erm it's alright. Bit weird. Especially at first. Didn't realize how often I was going out or how much of socializing involved pints. Tried to just keep my head down, stay focused on the game. Team wasn't so thrilled. So just getting it out there now, drinks at the bar after a win I'm gonna bow out. Nothing personal." Because not just his go to the bar mates but the rest of his teammates too, all took it personally. "Got a little less boring after I got a girlfriend but she was usually pissed I wouldn't be more sociable. You know, cocktails with her mates, or drinks at a party. I became sort of a joke with her mates. More muscles then personality I heard one of them say. So anyway I'm back to just working out and keeping my head down," he told Theo with a slight shrug. "But I'm top of my game and my naked arse isn't selling tabloids." That was a win.

"Thanks, mate." Theo's grin widened when Mitch said Jamie also got himself a good one. There was a time where he'd have doubted he was good enough for Jamie. He still felt like he'd somehow caught a snitch despite never being a seeker, but he also felt like he and Jamie were both good for each other. A good match. His smile softened when Mitch pointed out he was doing the bare minimum. Maybe that was true, but lots of people didn't do that. And it was nice how normal Mitch was being about the whole thing, a moment's surprise and then fine with it. Hopefully Mitch didn't think that was weird he was the second person Theo told. A handful of people knew Theo was gay at this point, but showing up at a gay club or the gay quidditch society, or saying yes when Malcolm asked him if he swung the same way he did, or even impulsively snogging Jamie, all felt very different than sitting someone down and telling them he was gay, and in that regard Mitch was the second. Theo also didn't want to minimize the fact he was telling Mitch second, because it was a choice he'd made when they heard Mitch might come back. Theo had wanted to tell him, as a prospective teammate and as a mate. So he just grinned sheepishly and said, "No offense, but as nervewracking as telling you was, it was a hell of a lot less terrifying than telling my dad." He gave another soft smile when Mitch said he was sorry he had to hide it, surprised and touched by the sentiment. "No, I'm afraid to admit that before Jamie my standards were questionable, at best," he admitted with a soft chuckle. "But thanks. I hope you know me never telling you wasn't really anything to do with you," he added. Mitch didn't seem at all offended, but Theo still felt like he should make sure Mitch knew that.

Theo figured that was the hard stuff out of the way, but then Mitch was surprising him. Theo waited patiently, wondering where this could possibly be going. Especially since it wasn't like Theo was a decision-maker here, though as the other senior chaser on the team he supposed he did have some input. The direction he went was a surprise, as was the revelation that he gave up drinking. Theo's eyebrows shot up at that as he listened, then winced in sympathy when Mitch said some girl he brought home had given a picture of him to the tabloids. That wasn't something Mitch deserved just for going out drinking and partying. But where he went next was an even bigger surprise. Rehab. "Wow," Theo said when Mitch finished, his mind reaching for the right thing to say to that revelation. Theo felt a pang of guilt as well. Mitch had been very into the party scene when they'd played together, and Theo had tried to gently encourage Mitch in other directions, but he clearly hadn't succeeded. He hadn't realized it had been that much of a problem for Mitch, though Mitch was far from the first quidditch player to have that kind of problem. "I'm relieved to hear its not unicorn blood," he began with a soft smile, hoping to relax Mitch a bit. "Good for you, mate. That can't have been easy. Deciding to go to rehab or going through it. I'm glad it helped. I mean, clearly it helped your game. But how have things been outside of quidditch?" Theo could only imagine going from nights full of partying to....not that, was a tough transition.

[vintagesimstress]

Don't you just hate it when you're trying to write a dialogue-heavy scene and to not get lost you have it all nicely planned out, either on paper/screen or at least in your head, but then you suddenly hear your characters say things which weren't planned at all and you think 'hey, that's actually good, let's write it down', and the whole convo goes into a completely different direction and you either need another 500 words to arrive at the line they were supposed to say or you never even arrive there at all...?

[dazai-irl]

I hate mothers day.

[clawsextended]

on a note to all: my plotting style is something i like to call i have adhd and if i see you on the dash and have an idea chances are i’ll im you about it. i’m an anxious little dude who isn’t always active in a broad scope, and it’s always been my nature to reach out to people. that doesn’t make me even remotely anxious. not even remotely expected to answer me — i totally get it, sometimes you don’t feel the vibe — but a general psa about how i work. i come from the dinosaur era where the only way to communicate with one another on any level was to directly talk to them and frankly i don’t even know how else you’re ever supposed to plot with a person otherwise. like… how do you write if you never talk????

[tenthdocter]

It's been 4 days since it ended now but i'm still emotional about saturday night takeaway ending and I just can't get over it yet... and one thing that I can't stop thinking about is how every time they started the show they always welcomed us by saying welcome to YOUR saturday night takeaway even tho their names are literally in the show's title. And honestly the show really was a massive comfort for me at times. There were countless times I'd had a shitty day/week and just watching it on a saturday night lifted my mood so much and made me forget about my problems for 90 minutes. It was just something always guaranteed to put a smile on my face and make me laugh no matter how bad things were. So I'm just a bit heart broken that I may never get that feeling again when i need it 😔💔

[umilily]

to this day, i'm genuinely baffled by the reasoning i was placed in the gifted kid class at my school.

"because you're good at being social and connecting other people."

not only super weird to outright put that responsibility on a 10 year old, but also ??????