#especially bc we’re family. and like i get that they’re going through so much at once it’s probably hard to open themselves up to new

[stinkbeck]

i ❤️ being treated like a 3yo marriage and grief counselor. it’s actually my favorite pastime.

[bibleofficial]

at breakfast this morning i was talking to the guide abt speed running the vatican & she got a bowl of ‘blueberries’ but they were fucking OLIVES

[wlwanakin]

hi keaton! thoughts on anakin and obi-wan’s relationship if anakin left the order for padmé and the kids? the mess and fallout is so interesting to me and no one ever talks about it

i’ve been thinking abt this a LOT bc i chronically keep writing stuff where obi-wan and anakin don’t talk anymore lol and a falling out feels like such an inevitability with most “fix it” scenarios that people just straight up don’t consider?? and i do find that annoying. any scenario where anakin leaves the order for padmé (and the twins) would cause a rift (of varying size, depending on the circumstances) and i don’t think it’s an unfixable one but i do think that to get to that idealistic uncle obi-wan point everyone loves it’d take years and a lot of working through things and a lot of Talking About It, which obi-wan is generally not super fond of as he processes approximately one emotion a year, so it’d be a laborious process and he is not going to be attending the twins’ first birthday party.

throughout the war obi-wan is aware of anakin and padmé’s relationship and he’s fine letting them have it, and honestly i think that might make things worse if anakin found out bc it’s instance #2517485857 of obi-wan refusing to vocalize support for him, and also would not soften the general disapproval for anakin Choosing To Leave. and that is a bit explosive! as most things are with anakin really. bc obi-wan did let anakin have that but he is also extremely steadfast in his belief that anakin Needs the jedi, that they’re his family etc and obviously there’s the responsibility aspect of it all and i’m sure he’d make that known and that’s gotta be an infuriating thing to hear from someone you’ve always yearned for familial affection from but never gotten a sufficient amount of it from. and i do think anakin’s rots novel mindset of “my wife and kids are my family, not you guys” would cross over, along with the resentment buildup, and…well! they certainly wouldn’t be parting amicably.

i think the specifics of how long the fallout lasts, how severe it is etc really depends on the specifics of the scenario. like if we’re talking an au where the clone war is still raging there’s a much bigger sense of abandoning duty and i think it’s also harder to process the moral ills of your closely held religion when you’re smack in the middle of them and you kinda have to push all your growing disillusionment aside and keep clocking into The War every day and i think that might lead to a worse and longer-lasting relationship rift, just because too much shit is happening at once and no one has processed anything and why would they wanna process more things. a peacetime scenario would probably fare only slightly better, though i think how much better highly depends on how obvious the moral rot of the order becomes to obi-wan due to whatever circumstances led into ambiguous happy au, and frankly if he doesn’t let himself process his own disillusionment then anakin’s is going to continue to be incomprehensible and that disconnect will continue to make his perception be “you abandoned your religious moral obligation” which is not gonna fare well!! obviously!!! especially if obi-wan’s loyalty to the order remains to such a degree that he expects the twins to be brought to the temple.

in General i think anakin leaving would leave to an explosive fight where obi-wan tries to talk him out of it, and maybe they do stay in contact in whatever strained limited way they can or maybe they don’t but it can’t really be The Same. they do love each other and i do think that deep down they want each other in their lives and that is the main reason i don’t think a fallout between them would be permanent but like i said at the start it would be laborious to get to a point where they’re actually close again. they have to Communicate Their Feelings, they have to close decades old wounds, obi-wan has to admit his wrongs and express affection in a way that is actually remotely normal, anakin has to actually sit down and process things that happened to him, entire worldviews must come into question, like it’s not really gonna be fun for either of them (esp for obi-wan). and i really think this is the kind of thing that has to take years bc anakin needs time to heal from his Everything and obi-wan needs time to come to terms with the fact that hey maybe his worldview was not correct? maybe the order he gave his life to is not entirely noble? and neither of these things are things that come easy. and while those things are happening it’d probably be better for them to not talk bc any talking they do would probably be incredibly unkind lmao

[collectivecloseness]

Wait wait wait so the others basically admitted they’re in love with you now with those last two posts as a canon, considering the whole we’re a family thing and here’s why we’re keeping you so like how would them trying to start their relationship with you go down now? Cos like you said I don’t think that would be a smooth transition

Duuude you are so big brained bc this is definitely something I wanna talk about so thank you!! Bc bc exactly right?? They’ve finally basically admitted ‘hey we all love you (to the point Nancy snapped and kidnapped you) and want you to be part of our family forever <3333’ so like, a lot of adjustments for you to make! Based on these two asks.

Yeah they’ve all basically admitted their feelings, but you’ve all been so caught up in... recent events, that there’s not really been any kind of honeymoon glow, or really, any kind of proper love confession at all. Not even really a talk about it.

I’m imagining Eddie makes a move first. It’s the first few days, and you’re at least calmer around him than you are Nancy - and then Steve really tried to hug you the first full day so that didn’t help him - and overall Eddie more calm and understanding the first few days. Especially because he yelled at Nancy in front of you, so you’re hoping Eddie might be your way out of here. Considering he seems less on board with the whole kidnapping you thing.

And you singling him out a little as the one you haven’t screamed at for being alone in the room with you, makes Eddie feel a bit more reassured. He shouldn’t.

At first he tries to kiss you on your forehead, as he sits side by side with you on your bed, but you immediately lean far away from Eddie when he does that. You pull back, explaining with a quiet shock about how that is not it, not right now. But that’s when Eddie tells you “I love you.”

It’s the first time he’s ever told you that. Something Eddie has been waiting to say since he first met you. Something he’s been dying for you to know because it’s the most important thing in his world, you are. Eddie is so in love with you, like he’s never loved anyone before, and he’s finally told you it. You’re the first person he’s ever told that he loves, because he’s been so so afraid of being rejected and called a freak and being unloveable his whole entire life.

And then you grimace. You scowl. And you look sick. You back up even further away on the bed, as you look into Eddie’s doe brown eyes as if he was disgusting, as if he was stupid, how dare he, as you tell him the epitome of ew, no, never. Not now. And after this, not ever.

Eddie finally tells you he loves you for the first time... and that’s how you react.

Eddie leaves your bedroom crying.

Especially after the demobat attack he survived, the other three could never imagine Eddie being in pain and you not being there for him. You didn’t leave his hospital bed ever. But now you’re the cause of it. Eddie is shaking sobbing into his bed, absolutely ruined.

He wails so loudly as he chokes on his cries, his body fiercely trembling, especially as he keeps a vice like grip on his pillow. So hard his nails are getting through it and digging painfully into his own palm. That vulnerability and love in Eddie’s eyes, shattered, replaced by teary darkness. When they’re not scrunched up in torture. Eddie is absolutely heartbroken. Howling out genuinely pained sobs as they all try and comfort him, but nothing is working. They know barely anything would, not without you, but they know they love Eddie too, and will keep trying to help him through this, as hard as they fucking can.

They feel how devastated Eddie is. It’s wrecking them to feel his pain like this. And they know they’d be pretty much the same too, if you’d reacted the same way to their faces.

Steve has to get a vomit bucket ready because Eddie is gagging on his groans and sobs. His arm clutching his stomach, but no one can get him to say if he feels like he’s gonna be sick. Eddie pretty much pleads your name out, rambles terribly about everything that’s happened, or just keeps crying harder and harder.

It’s breaking their fucking hearts.

Robin is on the bed with Eddie, and Steve is swiping his hair back from his forehead, especially because Eddie’s so worked up he’s sweating like a sauna, even as he shakes fervently, while Robin tries to rub his arm, his back, anything that usually works. Nancy also feeding him water, letting him squeeze her hand so he doesn’t break his own knuckles from clenching so tightly, all of them trying to get him through this.

But at one point during all this, Eddie basically throws Nancy out of his room. Upon his sobbing, fuzzy, brain he remembers, through her soothing hand strokes and caring blue eyes, that she’s the reason this is all happening. He tells her to get out with a “This is all your fault!”

And the others stay with Eddie, they don’t go to Nancy. Because not only is he in such need of their care and comfort right now, but he’s also correct. And they know it, they may have partially forgiven Nancy enough to move on, but she’s not out of the water yet, this is still early days. And if it wasn’t for her, you nor Eddie would be suffering; even if she’s upset at being rejected by Eddie so clearly, Eddie’s in way more pain than she could be right now. Again, remembering what it was like being by his side after the demobats... they all really can’t stand seeing Eddie so hurt, including emotionally. Robin and Steve stick together, and that’s by Eddie’s bedside right now.

Nancy does leave, she shuts her mouth, after apologising once again, and she leaves. Closing Eddie’s bedroom door, her eyes apologetic to Steve and Robin, except they’re not looking at her eyes anymore by the time she’s in the doorway. Nancy goes to her room, gets her stuffed childhood toy to muffle her noise, and she cries and cries too, because she knows it is. This is all her fault. She has hurt poor Eddie, and you. She’s hurt her entire family.

Eddie is in pain for days after. Weeks really, the others can see it still affecting him. The first night Steve stayed in his bed and Eddie had cried even throughout sleep.

The whole morning he was a sniffling shell of himself. Eddie completely broken by how his love confession to you had gone. Even during those two weeks Eddie still walks a little slower, keeps his head bent down, doesn’t talk like he normally does. He is wrecked.

But Steve convinces him to get back on the horse the first afternoon after your rejection. He brings Eddie to your room, both of them bringing you a meal, and a couple of new books, talking idly about the bookshelf they’re going to build you in here. You have the same disdain as usual towards all of them, but no special hatred towards Eddie. You look at them the same.

Eddie does feel a little better after he and Steve leave your room. But he’s putting his hand to his chest to find his breath again, before Steve can even finish latching your second lock. Steve was right though, it was good to go back today, and Eddie did feel slightly better. Even if your words, your face, your reaction still lingered in his heart and mind for several days more.

Eddie tried to be better around you, the same soothing rock you needed right now, sensitive to you like always, but he allowed himself to be more melancholy around the others, as he actually felt. He didn’t need to hide from them. You were the one he and his partners all needed to be strong for, at this point in your lives.

Eddie did not appreciate when Nancy tried to get him to eat one time during this period though. Robin was guiding Nancy out of the room before Eddie could go on about how dare she after everything she’s done, again.

Nancy steers clear of Eddie for a couple of days respectfully. All of them, really, because she knows they’re still upset at her putting not just you, but all of them in this situation.

Nancy was upset with herself too, she could handle it. She knows she just has to deal with the cards she’s dealt herself, and she just tries to breathe in, and breathe out, as she thinks of how they’re all working towards building a better future for you, and for all of you as a family, together.

It’s not just Eddie though. They’re all living with the knowledge that at least they’re free of keeping that particular secret from you, that side of them, you know they’re in love with you now.

But they were also quite close with you when you all were just ‘friends’. So surely at least they can try and bring back some of that normalcy, maybe the familiarity again would even help you, right?

Robin tries to give you a side hug one of your first days in, and you nearly bite her arm. Not even in an affectionate way. Steve checks on the teeth scrape mark once Nancy’s locked your door, and he’s got Robin calm enough to sit down in the bathroom with him, but it’s a super minor scrape. As if in the last second you didn’t want your mouth to touch her, and you backed off.

Steve doesn’t exactly say this, but he is talking as he checks out Robin’s bicep, and without really thinking as he goes, and with their platonic soulmate mind meld, Robin immediately also comes to this conclusion. She almost wishes you actually did bite her. Maybe also then, she’d feel just a fraction of her guilt resolve. With you able to take out at least something on her, like truthfully you deserve. Robin’s spending a half hour shaking into Steve’s hug in that bathroom, just not because of her injury.

Steve, poor lost romantic Steve, tries to go in for his first kiss with you. He takes it slow, Steve’s fingers are gentle on your chin as he lifts it, but of fucking course that doesn’t work out either.

He immediately backs off, of course he does, but he does try to stick around and profusely apologise to you afterwards. Even when Eddie’s trying to drag him out so he doesn’t get hit by another book. Steve will take it, all of what you want to throw at him, but he sincerely feels the need to apologise to you for even going towards taking that step when it’s exceedingly obvious now that you clearly didn’t want that.

He’s crying to the other three next, guilt wracking him. Which is why he took leaning in slow, just so you could move away if you want. But he hopes you know he’s safe. That they all are. That part of the reason he wanted to stay and apologise, but also because you deserved one. He really didn’t want to screw things up. You weren’t as terrible with him as you were with Nancy, something Steve tries to skirtingly explain because Nancy’s right there rubbing his knee throughout his sniffling conversation with them, but he just doesn’t want to make things worse with you.

To be fair, none of them could imagine living in a world where these were your reactions to their genuine gestures of love. It was like living in their worst nightmares. But they created this nightmare, and it was something they were forcing you to live in. And unfortunately, they couldn’t wake up and go drive to see you and hang out like normal afterwards anymore. There was no relief. They had created this.

None of them are forcing their touch on you, not at all. They’d probably turn on another if the caught them doing so! But after weeks of you screaming at any one of them trying to just touch you in any way, it is very draining on them.

Not that you exactly care about them being drained. They kidnapped you.

Nancy takes it much slower. She doesn’t try to kiss you first or envelop you in a hug or curl up thigh to thigh or anything with you very quickly. But she is constantly telling you how much she loves you. And that might be worse for you.

She’s declaring “I love you.” Over and over again. It’s done in so many ways, serious and desperate, panicked and repeated, somber and reminding, genuine and heartfelt, craving and lovesick, caring protectively and apologetic, every way. Sometimes multiple times in a go, sometimes only once as she makes a serious remark, but Nancy is constantly telling you those three big words.

To you it’s on par with psychological torture. You know this isn’t why she’s saying it, Nancy’s not trying to break your mind irreparably, she’s just that lovesick. But even her saying it in an apologetic way, not only does it not at all make up for any of it, but it just plain makes things worse. You hate when she says that. And Nancy is the main one who won’t stop telling you.

Don’t even get me started on them always knocking while you’re in your en-suite, to check you’re okay. And are still there/not planning anything.

Even if it’s them worrying you’ve been on the toilet so long do you need some medicine? Or if you’ve fallen asleep in the bath? Do you want dinner now or in half an hour? If you’re injured, trying to get your permission to come in so they can help you with any bathing stuff - not to see you naked, genuinely to help you out, especially if you’re hurt, and also yes because maybe there is some trust and also domestic bliss and care entangled in there.

You thought about breaking the mirror in your bathroom. Actually more than once. But that would only be useful as potentially a distraction, but mostly a weapon, and you’re still unsure if you want to really hurt them, or hurt yourself, just to try and escape. Also, you don’t want loads of things taken away from you, that they might deem potentially dangerous, that will make you feel even more restricted, imprisoned, dehumanised. Because you’re already aware you are struggling.

If they started making lists of what could potentially be a risk that’s in your room, if you ever created a big enough incident, then you’re sure, knowing them really now, that they’d find enough things to remove from your presence. Enough to are you finally slip over the edge. You already got lamps and water glasses/ceramic crockery restricted, you don’t think going without a mirror to see yourself is going to help your mental health here. Nor your fight to get out of this family, this future you have right here...

You actually think about potential lists. The glass in your watch, without telling the time you will definitely go nuts. The wires in your tv, the wood from your bedpost you could carve/bludgeon with, your favourite bedsheets that could make a rope, even the fucking windows. And you know if you’re thinking of those things, the four out there have thought of a dozen times more. You’d rather stay sane, have belongings to make you feel like an actual human being, and fight back once you’ve got a viable plan.

They eventually will start being desperate enough to get you to accept their simplest touches again though. They want to build everything back up with you, because right now your relationship with them is just getting drastically worse and worse.

No more slapping Robin because she caught you when you nearly tripped. No more yanking actual tufts of Eddie’s hair out because he forgot his place and touched yours softly. No more pinning Nancy to the floor and screaming in her face wildly and threateningly so much that she gets democreature flashbacks while under you, just because her fingers brushed yours while passing you the water bottle you dropped. No more chasing Steve with scissors because he accidentally leaned into your thigh too much when sitting next to you - Nancy really should have considered it when she bought you that art set to try and make things up to you and make you feel a bit better.

They want to really start seeing some positive changes within you :). They don’t want you to feel this way anymore, they never have! With what they’ve got, they really are trying to help you out as best they can. Forgoing losing you.

They soon, one by one, will start laying by you when you’re asleep, without waking you up, just to be near you. Cleaning up your face after you cry, even if you try to wriggle out their hold, if nothing else is working why shouldn’t they try showing you how much you mean to them and they care for and love you, helping you take that first step because you’re scared to. Holding your arm to help you when you’re unsteady on your feet, even if they’re the ones getting shoved to the ground by you after that.

They want you to find normalcy in their touch again. So after a few weeks, they really will try reintroducing you to their loving physical touch. Just taking it softly and sweetly and slowly at first.

These are positive steps. They’ll work together so they’re more like a caring and authoritative source and not overbearing or scary. Like finally letting a kid go as they ride their bike or something. They are all helping you, even if you’re worried, but you’ll very quickly learn that you’re okay. You did it, and all went well, you’re not hurt, nothing bad happened, it’s just like before.

The four are trying to show you over and over again that they are safe, that they would never ever want to hurt you. You used to have their touch because they loved you, and you in a way loved them, it is still a nice thing. That would never change, okay? They just don’t want to go without your touch much longer. Not only do you need to get back on the horse, but they’re desperate to just be able to have that with you again, in any way at all.

They need you. But they also don’t want you to go so long without any human touch, it is so so bad for you sweetheart, they know you need them too. They’re gonna take things soooo gently and step by step with you, but not in a clinical way, in a genuine one. They’ll help you through this, it really doesn’t need to be a big hurdle, they know what’s best for you.

And you know, in your heart, and in your trembling body that hasn’t felt touch unless it was briefly scratching at another in a while, that they’re right too. It will help keep you feeling like you’re still somewhat as normal as before. That love, that genuine human connection that really has not changed from them for you, if not been discovered as slightly twisted, is still there, and all four of the people you are closest to are still here, to do everything for you.

You really do need some of that, some of your every day back. You’ve got a deficit of some things, you don’t want a deficit of love, of someone to be your rock for you whenever you can’t right now, of touch that will ground your mind body and soul. The catharsis of someone to cling onto, the fact you’re able to have someone hold you, the touch you used to give and receive constantly that you didn’t realise you could be stripped of, the genuine connection that makes you human. That reminds you more and more of who you are.

Not only that, but that you can still be that same person, the you you aren’t close to forgetting just yet, not just a few weeks in. But that you can give into humanity and love and stay the person you are - not knowing that thinking this, you already could be changing. But you’d rather change, than lose yourself completely. You don’t want to lose love, you don’t want to lose something so basically human as touch, you don’t want to change into someone frightened of it, when you know that your friends don’t want to hurt you. They want the same thing you do, and that’s for you to not lose yourself here.

And they will all hold your hand, every step of the way if you want <3333

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

What if Beren and Luthien were genderbent? How does this change things?

Oof,

Well i think it would depend on how much you think the elves put weight into gender roles. If they don’t put a lot of weight on it, i personally don’t think it would chage that much.

If you do think the elves would put a lot of weight in it, i think it can change so much as to say that they don’t even go out to steal a silmarillion.

I do think that if Luthien was a guy, he might have been let out of the girdle more/would have become a warrior, maybe. His parents might not have been as overprotective, especially Elwe. However, it can still be argued that male!Luthien is a soft boy™️ that isn’t a fan of fighting. Furthermore, Elwe can still be overprotective of Luthien by virtue of Luthien being his kid and not wanting to loose him.

Idk, if there would be a close relationship between Luthien and Galadriel, or if now it’s Luthien and Finrod that are best buds.

(Mind you, i’m thinking through all this as i’m writing it, so apologies if it’s not so coherent)

You know what? If Luthien and Finrod are friends, Luthien might be more involved with Nargothrond/might have visited there. Maybe he met C&C there as well. Food for thought.

Regardless, even with the gender changes, Elwe would still oppose marriage between Luthien and Beren, bc he doesn’t think anyone, let alone a mortal, is good enough for his son.

Beren, i think, regardless of gender would still be Beren, up until she meets Luthien.

How they would meet could either stay the same, or change a bit. I do think them meeting in a peacefull setting is important. You know what? Let’s keep it the same/similar. Beren sees Luthien dancing in the moonlight and promptly goes “holy shit he’s pretty”.

And luthien spies her and thinks “oh, she’s cute”.

I personally hc Beren as socially awkward, charismatic when s/he wants to be, but socially awkward when it comes to one on one converstations. Don’t get ‘em started on romance.

And maybe Luthien invites Beren to join him, just for fun (for some reason i have the scene from httyd where stoick and valka are dancing together in my head).

And they have fun, which kickstarts their affection for one another.

I think both of them would appreciate having a partner who’s strong in their own right, just because they’re scared of possibly loosing the other, so with Luthien being son of a maia, and Beren being one of the most wanted people on the planet, they also feel more comfortable trusting each other.

I think Beren would like the levity Luthien would bring, and also not be bothered by Luthien being half maia bc, fuck man, she’s seen so much weird shit. And Luthien likes Beren’s pragmatism, and also that Beren fell for him before she knew he was a prince.

Moving on-

Of course you have the whole drama with Elwe.

Elwe’s like “this bitch is not marrying my son” again, how elwe goes about it would be influenced by the emphasis he would place on gender roles. I think if he were more traditional, he would maybe say things like “she’s not pretty enought for him” “she won’t make a good wife” etc.

Tbf, in this scenerio Beren can still pull something like “well, what if i wore a silmaril around my neck, would i be pretty enough then?” Which can still lead to a quest for the silmaril.

Or elwe could have a whole different challenge for her to win Luthen.

But we’re gonna go on the assumtion that there is still a quest to steal a silmaril.

So Beren sets out with Luthien, bc i think elwe would have a significantly harder time keeping him in place, especially if Luthien is a warrior himself. And they go to Nargothrond for help from finrod, who’s indebted to Beren’s family and who is Luthien’s friend.

And then of course you’d still have drama with C&C.

Bc Beren and Luthien arrive together, i don’t think C&C would bother them individually as much. Also, no kidnapping of Luthien by Celegorm.

There would still be a stir, idk how the party would go, maybe there would be less members, and Beren and Luthien could convince Finrod to stay bc *motions to Luthien* they have a half maiar on the quest, they don’t necessarily need more man power, especially on a stealth mission.

Also, bc of Luthien’s open presence, there might not be a coupe. And maybe even grudging respect.

You know what? What if Celegorm or Curufin or both join them on the quest? I mean they’re going for the silmarils right? With the help of a half maia, surely they’ll do better.

So like the 4 + huan set out. And Finrod still stays on the throne. (Wow, history really is changing)

And maybe, just maybe, the 4 do manage to sneak past sauron. Or maybe they immediatly go option: nuclear and just destroy sauron on their way through.

Celegorm shoots at sauron: THIS IS FOR MY BROTHER YOU POS!!!

And they travel on.

And with Curufin there, when Luthien lulls Morgoth to sleep, with his tools they manage to snag all 3 jewels instead of just one.

And they run.

But instead of headin towards the girdle they go to one of their brother’s outposts. Let’s go with himring.

(Is this slowely turning into a fix it? Maybe.)

And well, since curufin and Celegorm technically have the silmarills in their porssession (and for cautious sake the 2 brothers are the ones holding the silmarils) the vow is lifted.

So all their brothers go “wtf”.

Yada yada yada

They make it to himring and are like “hey look what i got!”.

Cue maedhros having a small panic attack.

Bla bla bla bla bla.

Of course is Luthien excited to be amongst kinslayers? No. But, tbf, he’s also half maia and maia don’t exactly have the same taboo. Beren’s human, kinslaying in and of itself doesn’t bother her.

Tbh, i don’t know how Luthien would handle being around the feanorians, bc yeah they did kill his kin, but also... it’s complicated for him. And clearly finrod doesn’t seem to have too much of a problem with then if they were letting C&C stay with him.

I’d like to think that, now that the vow is lifted (almost called it a curse for a second there), maybe curufin fashions one into a beautiful necklace for Beren as a big fat fuck you to elwe and a thanks for helping them get free.

Idk, it depends on what you think the silmarils are, are they just shiny jewels or do they have a bit of feanor’s faer in them. For the sake of where i’m going, it’s the former.

N e way, beren and luthien get back to doriath with Beren wearing the silmaril necklace while staring down elwe defiantly. And Luthien’s like “i’m gonna marry this women”.

Bc Beren said that “if she were to wear a silmaril as a necklace, would she then be pretty enough?” As opposed to promising to hand elwe a silmaril, the silmaril stays with beren, or maybe she gives it back after having proven a point.

N e way, bc Elwe isn’t the one to have the silmaril in the end, i think both massacres are avoided, so doriath still stands proud for a lot longer.

Also, bc they didn’t die/have to come back to life, idk if Luthien should choose to follow his wife after she dies of old age. It’s be interesting if he didn’t bc that means that the “choice of the peredhel” maybe wouldn’t exist, and that opens up whole new possibilities with aragorn and arwen down the line, and even elros. (Ngl, a little fuzzy on the whole “choice of the peredhel” thing)

Or maybe he does give up his immortality and follows his wife, convincing mandos to let him.

Either way, the story would change significantly enough that the impacts is different (for one, instead of Arwen being as beautiful as luthien or smth, it’d be more that she’s as powerful as luthien? Idk.)

Or you know, maybe canon would still happen, just with genderbent Luthien and Beren.

I really do think that the amount of impact their gender has on their story has to do with how you interpret their characters.

...

You really made me write a lot, huh?

It was fun.

Did it come off across as a bit like a fix it? Yes. But, tbf, Luthien being arguable the most beautiful elleth in the world is such an important aspect of the story, that taking it away would change how people would treat him, and thus the whole storyline, drastically enough that i think a completely different outcome is possible.

[apollos-boyfriend]

Dont know much about p5, why do you have morgana? Just curious

i'm preemptively putting this under the cut bc i KNOW it's going to get long but tl;dr: he's an annoying character that's poorly written. the conflict around his arc is badly done, and most of the time, he insults others for no reason and praises himself like a god. i would kill him if i could

SO. yes i took down notes of what i wanted to say before starting this. there is a Lot to get through.

first things first. during the first arc, when his character is introduced, we are also introduced to ann. ann is a pretty, charismatic girl, whose story largely revolves around people being unable to see past her looks, and she is both judged and sexualized for her appearance. she is also a teenager, which isn't Super important to morgana necessarily, but it's still weird, as morgana is 1. a cat (or a cat-like monster, depending on what form he's taking) and 2. unknown in age, acting anywhere from a child throwing a tamper tantrum to an older and more experienced mentor figure. at no point does morgana make an effort to treat ann like anything other than a subject for his affections. he only refers to her as "lady ann", praises her for the same thing he belittles others for, and overall, 99% of his interactions with her revolve around his attraction to her appearance and nothing more. he treats ann like they're destined to be together, and part of his end goal to "become human again" is because of his need to woo her over and claim her as his. it's unnecessary, it's annoying, and it's especially infuriating because the point of ann's character is to see past her appearance, something morgana never truly does. he compliments her smarts and actions because he likes her romantically, not necessarily because he genuinely thinks what she says and does is the best course of action.

second of all. in the same first arc, you're also introduced to ryuji. ryuji is the first character you meet, before morgana and ann, and the first friend you make at your new school. ryuji is seemingly bone-headed at times, but he's a passionate, caring kid who would do anything to protect his friends and family. he's by far one of the most beloved characters in the game, as he's just a good kid that's gotten wrapped up in some bad situations, and ostracized because of that fact. morgana makes fun of ryuji CONSTANTLY. and while, in all fairness, ryuji does make fun of morgana sometimes as well, it's not nearly as bad as morgana's treatment of ryuji. every word out of ryuji's mouth has morgana firing back with "of course an idiot like you would say that" or something equally as belittling. while ryuji is shown to not be a very booksmart character, he's extremely perceptive and in-tune with people's emotions. it's annoying and irritating to see morgana, who is, in all honesty, much worse than ryuji intellectually and emotionally, constantly punching down on him for simply breathing in his direction.

which leads me to the next point. one of the worst parts of persona 5 hits during a climatic argument between ryuji and morgana, as at this point, morgana has felt as if he’s “useless” towards the team and they would be better off without him. to begin with, morgana doesn’t even VOICE these concerns until they pile up. the game treats it like we’re supposed to pity him, as we, the player, see all these scenes of him moping and complaining about how useless he feels, but it means nothing because none of the fucking characters see that. they do not know he feels this way and therefore don’t know that they’re doing anything wrong. when he DOES finally voice these concerns, leading to the aforementioned argument with ryuji, ryuji is written as uncharacteristically mean and out of touch in order to push morgana to his breaking point. at no other point in the game does ryuji come anywhere close to acting like that. they purposefully mischaracterize one of their best-written characters just to have their stupid miscommunication plot work.

on top of that! morgana’s sucks. this is an issue a few of the persona 5 characters have, where instead of having a real arc, they repeat the same thing over and over again until their story actually moves forward. with other characters, you get to see their stories evolve and more forward with every meeting. by the end of each meeting, that character is in a different spot emotionally, physically, etc in comparison to the last time you met with them. they move forward. morgana doesn’t. every meeting with morgana is the same repetition of him going “i HAVE to be human . . . joker, you think i’m human right? but what if i’m not . . . no, that’s ridiculous, i HAVE to be.” you sit through this same conversation, no joke, roughly 8 times. there is nothing you can do to change it. it’s the same. stupid. boring. story. he doesn’t progress in this aspect until the VERY END of the game, and at that point you just want to throw him out into the fucking streets.

in retrospect to everything else i’ve listed. this is an admittedly small thing. and semi not his fault. but morgana is what the developers utilize as a roadblock, for lack of a better term. the developers don’t want you to go out? morgana tells you it’s time to go to bed. it is CONSTANT. he doesn’t even let you leave the HOUSE sometimes. it was a major mistake in the developers’ part, because i wouldn’t feel nearly as annoyed if it was the main character saying “oh, i shouldn’t go out today. i should go to bed”, because then it’d still feel like it was MY choice, to some extent. morgana forcing you feels much more like you are not in control of your own autonomy. you’re being forced to listen to a CAT. you don’t even have a say in the matter. these are not my thoughts. these are not my CHARACTER’S thoughts. why the hell should i have to listen to him??

there are probably more smaller things but. those are my biggest issues with him. he just encapsulates the worst parts of the game’s writing and honestly his only redeeming quality is the fact that he looks like a cute kitty

[hees-mine]

all these anons saying what if yn's preggo... y'all are fucked in the head and i LOVE IT. i love the messiness of what that situation would be like. and to say that what if she ended up with jay??? SWEETPEA'S WHOLE ASS BOYFRIEND??? i love how we're just making their lives miserable.

my version of the ending is that yn moves to another country, starts over, finishes her studies, become a bad bitch and becomes hella successful and wait for it...

falls in love and marries hee's prodigy at work; mr park sunghoon. and he invites hee to their wedding (bc mentor and whatnot) and yn being all moved on and shit AND THEN THE REGRET HITS HEESEUNG LIKE MF TRUCK. LIKE DAMN I COULD'VE MARRIED HER AND HAVE THAT GOOD PUSSY FOR LIFE BUT NAURRRR. yn just greets him happily with no malice bc she couldn't give less of a fuck about her past bc again, she moved on and made peace with everything.

as for the daughter, i could see her watching her dad deteriorate right in front of her eyes and living with the regret her entire life that while her dad was being selfish, in the end, she was too and while she was living happily in a relationship, her dad stayed single and when she moved out, he rotted in their family home all alone. but she was too prideful and would never admit it so she would just wallow in her regret in silence her whole life.

in my head, they were never the same father-daughter duo. i also see hee holding some sort of grudge against his daughter and her knowing and their relationship is just strained forever.

in conclusion, i just see yn living her best life and the father-daughter duo living in regret.

wow i went on a TANGENT. but yeah, i'm a bitter bitch who also has been used for pleasure and deluded into thinking they loved me BUT OH WELL MEN ARE TRASH.

i loved the story so much, bb. i hope you're proud of yourself and continue to write bc you are very, very good at it 🩵 -🌽

Ahem! *sips water cracks knuckles* exactly the sweetpea and hee slander is so real bro

It would be the messiest of messy and at the end of the day I’m not sure if anyone would be happy cause I think all that comes after the pregnancy news would be nothing but spite atp 😭

Bruh are yall trying to unalive heeseung? If mans had to go through that especially finding out that his old fling is not only with his co worker but they’re getting married yeah he’d be drinking himself to sleep that night for sure 💀

No not them y/n’s life and theirs too you’re just going for a triple kill 😂 I’d be scared to wrong you in any way

Nah because she definitely would not be his sweetpea anymore after that (here lies the nickname sweetpea)🪦🥀😂

Damn I’m sorry you went through that hearing that makes me feel bad about writing more realistic stories 😔

But no worries bestie we’re all here for you and your tangent 😂

Thank you! I will continue to do just that😉

[flirtmcgirt]

Why I hate MMFD Series 3, Circa 2015.

Ok, like I said, i randomly found this in my phone. It is extra, it is wild, it all holds up lol. It’s embarrassing, but who cares? S3 was embarrassing. It’s VERY long. Laugh, cry, mock me, fight me, enjoy yourselves. I’ll never get over it.

1. The whole series has a bleak feeling almost immediately that doesn’t let up. I don’t just mean plot, I mean color palette and vibes. It has this washed out feeling I hate.

2. I don’t side with Rae on her interview. I don’t. She didn’t take it seriously.

3. Rae wants to go to uni because..? Rae chose Bristol because..? Rae has no backup schools because..?

4. Rae says she’s happy. Cool. Why? What’s been happening? How’s treatment been going? The most elementary rule of storytelling: show, don’t tell. I feel like we got told for 2 hours, with no fill-in of the gap.

5. The end of season 2 felt like the jumping off of the beginning of something: Chloe healing emotionally, the relationship with Rae and her mom, Rae and Finn, attempts at taking therapy seriously. We spend the next 2 hours digging into NONE of these things. I’m not dumb, I know time was limited. But we needed more exposition, flashbacks, more SOMETHING. Why should I believe things are going well, especially when they’re about to collapse.

6. Flashbacks (this blows my mind): Rae shows us what we think are flashbacks talking about her happiness. They’re not-they’re flash forwards. And all of them are after Rae starts being dishonest and backsliding. That has always upset me as a viewer. We NEVER see Rae progress in this series in retrospect.

7. Why are Rae and Finn hiding major life decisions from each other?

8. Chloe’s doing well! Cool! Again, how and why?

9. Look, I was young with a boyfriend once too. I get there’s limited time between school, work, and family, and you want to spend the time you have taking off each other’s clothes at that age. But there’s no emotional intimacy here and it spits in the face of earlier seasons.

10. “I love you.” Enough said. But fine. Let’s take it at face value. Why are they not expressing themselves ? Are they happy, are they unsure around each other, are they coasting on lust? We don’t know, bc bad storytelling.

11. We’re right back to “let’s only discuss my boyfriend in terms of his looks.” Bo-ring, no growth, and not to get too explicit, but you don’t have repeated, committed sex, and not get past some of this. Embarrassing things happen, funny things, you open up emotionally and get real with yourself and each other. You’re telling me these two never made weird noises or weird faces or sweated horrifically all over each other?

12. I’ve always seen Linda as someone who cares for Rae, worries, and is observant, but often doesn’t do the best thing because of her own issues. She is out to lunch most of the series and I hated it.

13. The car crash. I hate it for so many reasons. It sucked up the plot time we needed not to make the whole series feel disjointed. It was too dramatic for me. One of the things I always loved about MMFD was it felt like a relatable show that featured teens, not necessarily a teen show. This was a teen soap stunt.

14. Rae is ostensibly happy when she gets her acceptance. Why does she immediately discard the idea? Why no inner dialogue about her actual desires?

15. KESTER. We’ve said it all. Kester telling her what to do instead of working through her feelings? Irresponsible. Lying? Irresponsible. Not properly transitioning out of therapy? Irresponsible? The mental health messages were disgusting overall. Add another therapist COVERING and letting her dump her meds was even worse. Kester’s choices were all about covering his own ass, and he’s ultimately pathetic.

16. The Gang. Just so much why? Why are Izzy and Chop forced into being stupid? Why does no one give a shit about Finn? Why is everyone grappling with major life changes but only Chloe and Rae have to bear any drama. Why is Archie not in uni? Why does everyone clearly know Rae is suffering and doesn’t even try to help; more importantly they mock her? That last piece makes me legit angry.

17. I like Rae and Chloe’s friendship growth. That it came at the expense of Rae’s guilt, fear, and shame is just disappointing.

18. Finn looks..tired, even before the Katie business. He looks overwhelmed and unsure and scared, and like he’s spent two years biting his tongue. I don’t doubt for a second he loves her, but is it healthy? It didn’t look healthy, and again, why? You’re getting paid to TELL ME A STORY.

19. Rae never uses anything she learned in therapy all series.

20. No one but Rae gets a real storyline and that stinks.

21. Katie. Faye Marsay is better than this. Lost more plot time for a teenage Single White Female retread.

22. The cheating. Out of character, we never get clear resolution on what happened, and most importantly to me, it’s the main reason for a breakup that has so many other tells simmering in the background, imo. That Rae is condescending, doesn’t own up to her parts, is just. Yeah. Why should I believe this person is ok? PS-We know he bought her that “you’re the milk to my cookies” shirt, it only makes sense. Ma’am you did not act like it.

23. Katie’s entire voodoo speech burns me up because we never get confirmation Rae doesn’t internalize and/or reject this. I actually think a conversation about the ripple effect of mental health is so important, and deserved better than whatever the hell this was.

24. Rae’s whole A-level experience. She gets saved and coddled so she can go somewhere they won’t play that game with her. How does this help her or show she’s ready?

25. No chippy. Fine, whatever, but I miss it lol.

26. Everyone perving on Finn, come on, this was cringe.

27. The look Chloe gives Finn at the pub. I don’t understand it, but I don’t like it.

28. No Baby Bouchtat time, wtfffff.

29. Rae never comes to a realization we hear about why she wants uni. She gets her back against the wall because her mom has to leave and everything else is falling apart. Great.

30. Speaking of, why is Linda still at home 2(?) months after she said she wanted to leave, halfway through her husband’s contract? I thought it was so damn important.

31. Rae’s dad..more plot time wasted. I honestly barely remember this. PS-hey Rae, I bet Finn Nelson would’ve heavily related if you said your shitty dad popped back up and you were struggling.

32. It seems like Rae cuts everybody out after the ball. This is not real life. You lose touch, people fade away, sure. Over months and years, not by cutting bonds off at the knees.

33. Town only being the background to Archie’s plot was such a waste.

34. That tub scene was sickening and irresponsible as fuck. Every other mental health episode in other seasons had inner dialogue to help the audience. That they played it as straight and left the audience dangling that long was reprehensible.

35. Everyone on this show got to develop an outside life we knew about away from Rae except Finn and he deserved more.

36. The going it alone message is terrible. You always need support and love from people around you.

37. Petty, but that dress did Sharon no favors, please dress our queen properly.

38. The last song being Creep is so lyrically bleak and sums up this entire dumpster fire.

39. “The bullshit goes with me?” GOODBYE. Please.

40. The train scene: kind of nice! Reminiscing! Tix! But also weird. Why do Kester and Chloe look so serious? Why does Finn only look like he wants to fuck her? Why is Liam even there? Whatever.

Please add more lol. Or don’t, because this is out of control. I roast because I loved and knew what it was capable of once.

[atopvisenyashill]

That’s a really good meta son the Sansa sister comment thank you 😭 I was the original anon there. You explain it so well and it makes so much sense like that because that really is how Sansa contextualizes her grief. The thought of Sansa grieving and wishing she’d been closer to Arya is very tender. Generally I wouldn’t have even called it an example of Sansa being “cruel” because like. It’s a thought. Not an action or something she said. Like people love to cite her wishing to slap SR and say it’s cruel but like she didn’t even say that. She thought it. She’s a kid being forced to play mother to a very demanding child. Of course she’s going to feel frustrated sometimes. I also do think many fans go with the least sympathetic interpretations of Sansa and Arya’s relationship. Like the staunch refusal to acknowledge that Arya remembering knowing a girl who loved lemon cakes was her thinking of Sansa. Arya fans insist she was thinking about herself but she doesn’t refer to herself as someone she knew. It seems painfully obvious to me I don’t get how people misinterpret that unless it’s on purpose. But anyway rock chewing anon I get your frustration I do but I got exactly the analysis I needed to understand the passage plus it was never meant to be like. “This is an example of Sansa being cruel” more just like. This seemed out of character because I do NOT think about her like that

yes i fully agree that just bc you think something uncharitable doesn’t mean you’re ~bad~ especially if you don’t say it out loud. we all think real shitty stuff from time to time, especially when we’re already upset, what matters is how you react to the situation. And like you said re: sweetrobin - she doesn’t slap him! she’s not even mean to him and in fact when he’s terrified as they’re going down the mountain, she makes him feel better by building up his confidence and letting him hold into her instead of telling him to man up or something similar. Sansa can be incredibly bitchy in her thoughts but she's always very aware of what she says out loud and how it will affect the people around her; she's a grump like any 13 year old lmao, but she's a conscientious one! I find it sweet of her that even when she's sitting there thinking "damn this kid is so fucking annoying" she's always aware that just saying that is cruel.

and YEAH i absolutely agree that a lot of fans will look at their interactions and just take the absolute most uncharitable read of whatever Sansa is doing re: Arya and completely exice Arya's love for Sansa from her thoughts. And it's just crazy to me because imo the only other person Arya longs to see more than Sansa is Jon and that's her absolute best friend. For both girls, I think their grief over each other is just so obviously present; they were so different, always missing what the other really means, never able to truly understand each other, and now it's just too late (or so they think) to ever make it up each other. I think Arya longs just as desperately as Sansa to meet again and attempt a more meaningful understanding of each other, I really think for both of them, that's one of their top hopes! Return home, see the sister they never understood but spent the most time with, and love her again no matter how weird she may be. When you cut that out of both of their stories, I think it really weakens their arcs and weakens the longing to go home. Their grief isn't just about the family members they had perfect relationships with; it's also about the fact that they could have one day had a better relationship and now it will never happen.

and yeah lmao that's why i wasn't trying to drag you too much with rock chewing anon, i do get the frustration people have with how much people just refuse to understand what Sansa is going through and how her thought process works, but she is admittedly kind of a hard character to dig into because of how internal she is as a character. but that's why we analyze and pick them apart to understand them better!

[cheemken]

Another thing about the movies, each main character saw the number 180 before the accident happened and killed them all. Like Flight 180, hearing the number 180 on the radio, and race car 180 for examples

So if we’re going with Diantha seeing everyone’s death in a dream, imagine the thing that convinced her the dream was real was some kind of number or symbol she saw before the ambush happened

Also yeah, imagine the ABSOLUTE guilt Lance, Iris, Cynthia, and Leon (I forgot Hop existed for a minute lmao) felt for choosing to save their family over the other people in their regions. They chose to betray their job as Champions for their family. Perhaps the reason they chose to save their family and not let them die is cause they hoped they’d be able to escape capture?

But back to Diantha, imagine her trying to find a way to get all the Champions to come to Kalos so they’d be safer in numbers. But people like Iris and Wallace can’t because they’re guarding items that Team Rainbow Rocket would want for themselves

Unless of course Diantha just straight up tells all the Champions about what she saw. Calls an emergency meeting in Kalos and pretty much starts with

“So this might be a shock for all of you, but we’re all going to die within the next few days”

“…Diantha what the fuck”

Can you imagine how that mustve been for Dia tho😭😭

Homegirl wakes up in cold sweat, screaming, crying, almost threw up. Augustine ran to her room asking her what's wrong, worried as fuck, then she pulls him close, hugging him, terrified he'd suddenly disappear, her hands were trembling as she's going on how she'll make sure nothing happens to him and to everyone. Like, mfer is so confused but he's like really trying to calm her down. Imagine how paranoid she'd be, always having one of her mons (yes ofc its Gengar bc I still love this hc) watch over Augustine in Lumiose, making sure Lysandre doesn't get near him, and even spy on Lysandre. Then when she gets to the League she even tries to confront Malva abt it, and ofc that kinda shocked everyone and even Malva bc holy shit they haven't seen Diantha this pissed and terrified. Like, her hands are legit shaking, grabbing Malva by her shoulders, glaring at her, it got to the point Diantha ended up calling her Tyrantrum, the imposing dragon fossil glaring down at everyone. Malva eventually fesses up, she knows damn well Diantha's too pissed to mess w, and despite her always wanting to spite Diantha, she knows if she did rn she'll be the one dying bc she knows the lengths Diantha will go through to make things right.

And god just chdmdb Diantha explaining to them what her dream was, that she was so goddamn sure it was a premonition, and the others were sceptical at first but then again, she managed to find out abt Malva being part of Flare bc of that dream, even told them of Lysandre's plans and him being the head of Flare, and Diantha's starting to spiral again Drasna had to calm her down.

Then ofc, Dia calls in the other Champions, said it was an emergency, and y'know, they came as soon as the call ended bc Dia honestly sounded like she's abt to experience her fifth meltdown for the day and it's only 10 in the am, tbf she is on her fourth meltdown for the day—

When the others got there, Diantha is trying so so hard to calm herself bc Jesus Christ homegirl did not eat anything today bc she was hurrying to the league in a panic and that dream still continues to haunt her, so yeah she's like, at her limit

So she's there, taking deep breaths, and then looks at the other Champions, telling her of the dream, of the premonition she had. And ofc some of them couldn't believe her, especially w how detailed she is abt their deaths and the events that's gonna happen, but like, y'know, even Leon himself said that Rose really acting suspicious lately, even more so than usual, he's been more demanding, more isolated, as if he's planning smth. And ofc, that kinda surprised the other Champions too bc Leon and Diantha don't even get along well, they don't even agree on almost everything, but w Leon showing that he actually believes in what Diantha is saying is enough for the other sceptics to actually believe her, and they should start planning on what to do now bc if not then they're all gonna die

[ilyrafe]

Hi!! I hope I don’t offend you but I don’t think people are upset or disappointed in Henry bc of the Witcher, it’s more so because of his new personality and his “gf”. Henry has integrity so they know he’ll do what’s right and he’ll step away/down if need be (we see this in the Witcher) but his standoffish behavior rubs some fans the wrong way. In the past 2-4 years, he’s been in his own world, only posting on IG to promote his work but not interacting with his fans like the previous years. He always did the running thing, the charity run (sorry forgot the name) in his hometown but hasn’t said a word in years, not even a post to show support (he hasn’t been physically there for the run either). Don’t get me wrong, he’s allowed to be private and doesn’t owe anyone anything but how he’s spoken so fondly about his fans in past interviews is a stark contrast to current day. There was this interview where he talked about how he dislikes people who only post about themselves on social media and are quite self-centered and I 100% agreed with him then (still do now) but someone just did an edit of how his current “gf” is that type of person that he said he didn’t like so I found it funny because she’s the sort of person he was talking about yet…they’re together but oh well, I digress. All I’m saying is I understand why some fans don’t like him and are losing their interest in him as a whole because the Henry now isn’t the same Henry from 4 years ago. Yes I know, people grow and change but this is beyond the average maturation of a person. Anyways, I just wanted to point this out bc of that anon who asked what tough time Henry was going through and you mentioned the ending of his Superman and Witcher career…I think it’s more than that.

oh hi!

yes i have noticed he became quite distant from fans, and while i don’t know much about his girlfriend, i think this behavior change happened because people on instagram are sending hate messages to her on his page, which i think is unacceptable in 2023. he has politely asked people to stop and they haven’t, so of course he’s not acting the same.

as fans, we have to understand that we’re here for his work. his personal life is his, he’s 40 years old and i’m seeing lots of fans saying they don’t approve of his relationship. fans don’t have to approve anything regarding his personal life.

i have seen people saying natalie was racist. if that’s the case, henry isn’t a saint either. if she’s problematic then he is too, because he’s dating someone with a racist past. are you gonna send hate messages to him too, or is it only natalie?

i do believe that if you know something, you’re allowed to have an opinion about it. you’re very much allowed to not like natalie for her racist past (i haven’t checked that out, so i can’t confirm anything), but you can’t go out of your way to harass someone because of that, you know? she did nothing to any of you personally, so let’s just mind our business and support his work (unless he commits a crime).

as a longtime fan, i am upset that he’s distant, he used to be a lot more communicative (especially on instagram, i miss his long ass captions 😭) but i don’t blame him for changing, his comment sections are full of people being mean and disrespectful to him and his girlfriend, some even to his family (???)

anyways, you didn’t offend me and i hope i didn’t offed you either. 🩵

[ahundredtimesover]

i kinda relate with iwyts oc where we’re both burnout corporate girlies who aren’t bad at what they’re doing job-wise, but bc we’ve dedicated so much of our years into this profession, we don’t know what we’re good at anymore outside of the office... esp what brings us joy outside of our relationships. like yes, oc has loving friends and family, but they’re not always able to be by her side when she’s alone — and that’s completely normal, it’s life. so what does she like? how IS she like outside of work?

after all her shifts, we see oc returning home alone, watching fave shows, and eating comfort food — again, also very normal. but this constant work to decompressing lifestyle can lead to feeling unfulfilled. you simply don’t have the energy to do or learn new things/hobbies. so ya! i’m actually excited to see how oc finds herself outside of her work life once we get to that point 🫶🏼 ty for your amazing work as always

YES! Yes to all this! It’s when your job becomes your life and you let it bc you don’t know how to not make it? But there are also all these layers about her reasoning that we’ll get to. Like, sure she’s enjoying the work especially with things having improved - I mean, she did go through a period of insecurity and loss of self-confidence - but she’s constantly wondering if this is the environment for her where she’s unable to fully enjoy life. She’s always tired, she’s often just in her apartment… so yeah. 😔

Hoping you’re doing alright, anon! And that you know yourself outside of work 💕💕 sending you hugs!

[piganatur]

THE EIGHTH SENSE EP 1

The eighth sense is: - the type of production that I tend to inhale - giving me such k-indie film vibes I’m humming with joy

I watched the first two episodes like two days ago. Rewatched them again the next morning. Pondered for a day, then watched the first ep again. At that point I accepted: this show lives rent free in my brain.

It’s something about: - the opening sequence because it literally plunges us into the middle of what this story will tell and what it’s about. It’s the wave crashing over our heads and after seeing nothing but the confusing (but crucial) bits, much like the white crest of said breaking wave, the scene in the bar slows down. We’re up at the surface again, waiting, building for the next wave

It’s something about: - how funny it is that in the bar, there’s noise, everyone chats loudly, there’s ought to be the dynamic of life and fun – a certain kind of rush to the scene – yet it’s the opposite. I’ve seen people describe it as too boring and long of a scene. It’s fascinating to think that it’s our timeout before the next wave. Two conversations from the bar: 1, about getting dumped/love life and 2, about getting rejected/ finding a job AND THEN we have the table with Jaewon who’s about to look for a job + broke up with his gf + is about to meet Jihyun... I already love this sm

It’s something about: - how everything Jaewon’s friends say about 1, him being impressive (for not taking time off school, for interning at a foreign company, for doing his military service then getting certificates and straightaway acing TOEIC… so things he had to do) and 2, him being backed up (by connections, family, money… essentially the reason why he had to do those things – bc they’re expected of him *just think about his mum’s messages*) COMES INTO FULL CIRCLE His friend says ‘when I see you I feel like I’m suffocating’ >> man… imagine what it’s like for Jaewon. He’s angry but stifles it and it builds in him. He’s trapped in that scene (background sounds and music fades out as Taehyung’s accusations echo through his head) until he’s literally knocked off his seat. And that’s when he shows his anger. And Jihyun embraces him and pulls him away from that (and the scene slows down again!!!)

- Jaewon knows what they say about him is true but that’s a double edged sword when others only see the positive side of it. Seeing how korean media represents university friendships, the way his friends act is (sure, shitty… but also) kinda typical. If they all met at the start of university, besides attending school and working on their social connections they drink/have fun together. The mention of someone’s connections or money (especially in their final year) is simply their drunken-jealous bitching about how easy it is for Jaewon, how he has no worries. And Jaewon also pretends to be drunk so he can let it go and make up with them but he’s obviously so fed up like… ppl just look at him and see

It’s something about: - the scene where Jihyun and Jaewon first talk. Jihyun not only gives Jaewon two cigarettes… he also has the lighter on him while he hands Jaewon those cigarettes but chooses to light one for him with his very cool bbq lighter instead. So then he can give the lighter as a farewell gift a few minutes later!

It’s something about: - Jihyun’s allure and that it’s his lack of preconceived assumptions about Jaewon. Jaewon doesn’t have to be any certain way around Jihyun and sometimes that’s the best someone could wish for

It’s something about: - Jihyun drinking with his boss lady. That scene is so magical because Jihyun is portrayed as a quiet countryside boy full of fears but he still pulls people in, connecting with them even when he doesn’t try (also I’m pretty sure boss lady is the tteokbokki shop owner from WYEL, where are my fellow WYEL enthusiasts at?)

It’s something about: - the scene w/ Jaewon at the gate of his house. Everything about that scene is just *chefs kiss*

It’s something about: - Jihyun trying to follow Jaewon and losing him vs Jaewon catching Jihyun eating lunch by himself (yo, I’m vibrating on a cellular level)

It’s something about: - Jaewon almost pissing his pants when caught talking w/ Jihyun in the cafeteria. It’s too funny to me

It’s something about:

this damn shot that makes me go feral - Jihyun follows Jaewon out of the bar to talk with him, they’re framed together yet there’s a line between them with the mirror/double images (I’m biting the edge of the table) BUT the moment Jihyun talks to Jaewon it’s all gone. Jaewon’s 'I didn’t see you earlier' is so telling

There’s also the scene with Jaewon and the therapist lady but I’ll come back to that in ep two

[naaicha]

sorry had more thoughts on the bear

when you look up the bear on twitter it’s just sydcarmy this claire that sydcarmy is toxic claire is annoying claire is bad writing like honestly why have we lost the plot like this.. anyway i still disagree with like every interpretation of claire. i think the show wants people to be uncomfortable with her and i don’t think everyone else praising her is a clumsy way of telling us her character without actually showing it? because we do see her character. blowing off work and pursuing someone who gave her a fake number etc meanwhile we’re told that she’s good for carmy and she’s the love of his life and she’s a genius going to med school and it’s like either the writers suddenly became much worse for that specific arc OR the show is deliberately making things not add up because that’s what carmy is feeling. he’s like going through the motions of a relationship with claire and going to parties with her because everyone tells him that’s normal and good but it doesn’t feel that way. and in episode 6 when mikey and richie are needling him about claire and telling him to hook up with her, carmy’s clearly uncomfortable but the thing is he always gets stuck in these patterns where he’s not really happy and he doesn’t really want to be there because especially with his personal life he just kind of lets the world steamroll him. and it’s clear that’s something he got from his family (specifically his mom) bc they’re so unpredictable and pushy and overbearing. and i think carmy needs to grow a spine and stop letting the chaos or other people consume him because i don’t think he has any sense of who he is outside just fitting into a pattern that someone else creates for him

also it’s stupid when people interpret syd’s reaction to the whole carmy and claire situation as jealousy. syd is closer to the audience in that she doesn’t know who this person is and she doesn’t have any history with her so her reaction is just, who tf is that? and i think sydney just sees what claire does/how carmy acts with claire (which is honestly childish) instead of what other people tell her about claire, so she obviously doesn’t think claire is a very serious adult person because she and carmy honestly aren’t acting like adults. and that’s annoying!!!!!!!! of course she’s annoyed!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[estrellami-1]

That is a very cute fic (though all of yours are💜) it’s adorable that you based that off of how you feel I really like the line about not being the first to discover it but getting it to discover it for myself, I’ve been to slam poetry events they are very fun I feel like I read so many beautiful lines in poetry online and they stick with me to the point I think about them often and it kind of puts the author on a pedestal a bit but seeing someone speaking their poetry to you and a crowd of people in person is so vulnerable that it allows you to see them as just a person in a really beautiful way, like yes their work is brilliant but they’re also dealing with things the same way you are and trying their best and filled with emotions it’s a privilege to be able to know them as more than their writing, like it’s a privilege to get to know you like this. I also backpacked around Italy a few years ago and it was the most magical experience, the Acosta valley is so beautiful and I hiked gran paradiso national park which was stunning highly recommend but you’re right the cost of living is already crazy 😅

I write poetry sometimes mostly just as a way to get my feelings out of my head I post them to my tumblr but they don’t do numbers or anything, like probably 8 years ago or so I posted some of them to an old ao3 account but i can’t remember what i had called it for the life of me, I have an idea for a book that I would really like to write one day, it started out as an after Cinderella kind of thing where people expect you to be happy and perfectly fine when you find something good and get out of a bad situation but you’re still going to carry the pain from that bad situation so it was going to be from her perspective and recovering from the trauma she experienced growing up anf learning to live with ptsd but I’ve written bits and pieces of it nothing major but along the way it kind of lost the Cinderella princess aspect of it and just became kind of a combo my story/original character story kind of thing if that makes sense 💜💜💜💜💜

Thank you darling ❤️ I have some poetry on here, I believe… I think it’s the links in the last paragraph on my pinned post. I’ll try and go through them in a moment and make sure 😂

Slam poetry events are SO fun, I love them!!! There’s a book I read in college called “The Poet X” and I HIGHLY recommend it especially if you like spoken word poetry!!! It very very quickly became a favorite of mine, partially just because it’s good (and partially bc it’s a Latina girl lmao) but also partially because I wasn’t aware that type of writing could become a book. I would absolutely LOVE to do something like that one day!

And I know what you mean, about authors and pedestals. I did the same thing too, a few times, with certain authors on here… but then we got to talking and it turns out they’re literally just people?? Which was honestly so fun to find out 😂 there’s a line I wrote for a fic a while ago (Marvel, if you are/were into that) that I think honestly applies perfectly here. “Put those stars in your eyes back in the sky where they belong. I’m not worth all that.” And honestly… it’s true. Putting someone on a pedestal only makes it hurt that much more when they inevitably fall, because we’re all only human and we’re gonna do dumb crap sometimes.

I have… a lot of feelings about that apparently 😂

Can I have your life???? Please???? 😂 Italy sounds SO fun… I was able to go to Hawaii once and that was nice but I don’t even like the beach/ocean! I got stung by a jellyfish!! My favorite memory there was going on a hike!!! 😂 take me to Colorado I swear. My family’s trying to decide where to go on vacation this year (if it actually happens, that is) and my sister LOVES the beach and wants to go, but we’ve gone SO MUCH and my family KNOWS I don’t like the beach and just. Don’t seem to care? Idk. At this point it’s kinda whatever. But I did suggest skiing this winter since we’ve never been 😂

Ooh honestly I’d love to read all of that!!! I LOVE poetry (like honestly it confused the hell out of me how some people just… don’t understand poetry? What??? 😂)(my favorite is Langston Hughes… how about you?) and I would LOVE to read that Cinderella-ish story, that sounds SO interesting!!! And yes lmao I’ve definitely started a story before, added OCs, and it turned into 6 parts (literally, in the case of my Solangelo series “This Love” on ao3 😂)

Two questions this time, if you don’t mind, darling: how old are you? Where do you live?

It’s more than fine if you’re not comfortable sharing either, or if you want to just share a general range; I understand wanting privacy, I’m mostly just trying to ensure you’re above 18, and as for where you live, I’m strictly curious as to the time difference; I’m in Texas, so it’s currently 12:24am. I just know last night (was it last night? 😂) I answered one at like 10 and you were mentioning how tired you were… so either you’re on one of the coasts (I can’t for the life of me figure out which one that would be at the moment 😂) or you’d had an early morning… or you have a decent sleep schedule, unlike me! 😂 my bedtime is routinely around 12-2am, which is why I’m constantly answering these at all hours of the night. 😂 ❤️

[joyfuldeepend]

Invited In

Recently I had a friend spend some extended time with me and the girls I support. It was a big deal to me. We have a few people who choose to engage or spend time with us. Also I am protective of who they experience. Honestly I never know what I’m going to get each day and while it’s my normal now, I perceive that could be a lot for those not in it regularly. When I recount things that happen sometimes I get unsolicited advice on how people would handle their behavior if it was them. Often people get a little terrified for me and other people are scared for me, which makes sense if it’s not the norm for them.

One thing that I’ve made a personal commitment about, is not to apologize for them. They’re working their stuff out and sometimes I’m confident when we’re in public people might think they have “special needs�� or are shocked or think they should be more docile. That being said, choosing to be a safe place for them, for me, means in all settings. That doesn’t mean accepting all behaviors, however it does mean that every situation and behavior doesn’t get addressed right away. If that was the case I’d live in just corrective mode…and that’s not helpful for any one, especially me. There have been many times in stores that one or both are giving into their intrusive thoughts and I pick which battle I will fight based on factors impacted at the moment.

The girls have been in survival mode and lived with conditional love, undependable adults, manipulative families, toxic parenting and the list goes on. It takes awhile to work through those things to get back to zero and start there.

My goal is to get them to be able to graduate high school and hold down a job. Along the way if they learn some character and consideration of others that’s my bonus points. It has taken me a year…A YEAR to get R to be respectful to me (70% of the time), minimal lying, not flipping me off constantly, saying thank you, consider others (well at least me for now), want to spend time with me and say I love you and not be manipulative. She texted me recently and asked if I’d go with her to the doctors to get a shot bc she’s scared. This is HUGE!! Her caseworker said she was proud of her and saw her maturity this week, I could have cried right there. Besides me no one, that I know of, has told her that in years.

K has started recovering from her spirals in less than 2 hours versus the days to week it would take before. She calls me mid spiral and freaking and let’s me deescalate, she wouldn’t do that 3 months ago. I’m praising God for that movement. (UPDATE: things went downhill after I wrote this. After two weeks of up and down she was removed from my home after another police encounter and physical damage occurrence. It was a rough choice, however I’m confident the best one give the circumstances).

I recognize, just like with any kids, people see the current phase, and I…I see the journey and the growth. When interacting with the girls it could be chaotic and they could also be sweet, considerate and naive/youthful. They will always want to listen to music, eat junk food and watch movies and take long drives. As much as it “costs” I still remember that I prayed for this and I’m grateful for the ways people engage or find ways to support me/us as their boundaries allow. So grateful for all of those ways and the continual prayers as I know I do not journey alone, even when it feels like it!!

I say all of these things to say thank you. Thank you to the people who continue to find ways to support or engage with my journey. As a quality time person all of that means the world to me. It looks different for each person and I’m learning to grown in my appreciation of the varying expressions. Thanks friends for diving into the joyful deepend. This is our reminder to keep inviting people in!