#esp since i watched emily too

[sugarxrabies]

every day i pray nobody notices the creepshow art influence in my style

[notallwonder]

thinking again about cme 17x06. as one does.

Spoilers.

I wasn't going to post because I wrote this in a sort of fugue state after staying up super late watching the ep over and over when it first dropped. but I like having a record of what I was thinking, such as it is.

Esp about the brief discussion of BAUgate, and how jj specifically says her beef is that emily wasn’t honest with “...us, with *me*”. emily’s “I am” is earnest, but she’s on a slightly different page than JJ cuz she follows that with “honestly, I want to quit”. Emily’s still drowning in her feelings about how the job is fucking her up, jj’s just over here trying to be real with her about their relationship. And it really sounds like there’s more to the “it’s about being honest with *me*” than just BAUgate. Like….is JJ wanting more honesty about whatever the fuck happened to them? It’s not a huge stretch. I love AJ Cook's performance. when I first got into the jemily of it all with cm I was very focused on Emily but as time has passed and I've watched and rewatched, it's become clearer that JJ a huge engine driving what makes jemily interesting to me.

I’ve seen folks theorize that Emily’s knowledge of BAUgate is what caused the perceived distance between her & JJ in s16, but I personally don’t fully buy into that. Emily became unit chief in 2017ish, and section chief presumably sometime in 2020-2022. It’s unclear when she was briefed on BAUgate. She tells Luke about it like it’s mostly a done deal she inherited the problem/information, the issue was apparently dealt with, and she made a judgment call about informing them. But as he pointed out, you know once it’s on the Internet it lives forever. She’s can't be naive about that. And I think she's glossing over it a bit to try to calm him down. We’ve been given no indication that Rossi had this info, though he probably knew broad strokes, and he was UC for some amount of time. My guess is she was briefed in detail on BAUgate when she became SC. So I guess BAUgate could be a component of s16 tension with JJ, especially insofar as this is a big unspoken thing that Emily has shouldered alone in order to shelter her team/friends, and is potentially emblematic of a larger pattern of Emily withholding information and not feeling free to be open with JJ as a friend because of her professional responsibilities. But I think if we take their distance seriously it has to go deeper than this one thing. Because the weirdness between them goes back further than evolution. It’s also in the way JJ chose to fuck off to New Orleans instead of taking over as UC as Emily planned. [where does this fit in the “we don’t quit” narrative that JJ spins?]. It’s in the way we don’t know exactly why JJ & Will decided to move back to Virginia. It’s in the way some awkwardness, resentment, isolation, hurt, whatever brewed between them during the pandemic years (and before!), and perhaps unspoken history made it difficult for them to be normal with one another on a personal level.

To me, the weirdness of their interactions in s16 is most egregious in the lack of direct comfort/interaction after JJ & Luke were blown up in the shipping container. And maybe a little in the fact that Emily so happily greeted Will, of all people, when they all returned from California (made me laugh so hard my god). But the relative stiffness of their interactions has been consistent since season 12/13, I think (thinking about the what ifs/if onlys convo). As though one or both of them were making an effort to be professional but not too personal, or keep it benign and surface level because dealing openly with whatever they had going on deep down would be too painful.

I’m so glad this convo happened in a more relaxed setting. They were going to have a talk at the office! it would have been more buttoned up, might have even played more into the underlying tension between them. It wouldn’t have been JJ trying to keep Emily from quitting. Could have been harder for Emily to really hear all of what JJ was saying to her, in that environment.

Speaking of all of what JJ was saying. !!!

I agree this is a confession of love. And it’s fucking beautiful. It’s JJ being vulnerable about how much Emily’s presence in her life means to her. JJ’s telling Emily that they are stronger than their predecessors in part *because they have been a source of strength for each other, for years.* Paris, the miscarriage, yes. And, and. JJ is and has always been so strong as an individual. But Emily was also JJ’s quiet strength in Georgia, the hospital waiting room, the stalking case, the bank robbery, in Reid & Penelope’s abduction, in East Allegheny. JJ saw and believed in Emily’s humanity - her hidden dreams - from early days. She pulled her through those bleak 7 months in exile. How many times has JJ taken the sting out of Emily's mood like she did on the jet in 11x19 Tribute? JJ is making herself a source of strength for Emily, right here in this conversation (*make* them fire you!, don’t just roll over). They have such a history of mutuality: of comradery, kindness, deep care, showing up. It’s not romantic in name but can easily be read that way. It’s *really* fucking romantic, even if it’s platonic. Do you know what I mean???????

I’m obsessed with AJ Cook’s choices throughout. OBSESSED.

The way JJ pauses for that moment after “it gives me you”, making steady eye contact, letting it really sink in. She got brave, and it landed. Then she kind of rolls her eyes at herself, maybe a little annoyed at the tears starting to come, maybe a little embarrassed that she’s letting this truth out into the world.

And the “Always.” Dropping eye contact, retreating from the moment a bit. A bit afraid to watch Emily’s reaction - but also she does very deliberately look directly at Emily again for a split second! That “Always” has carried a torch, for a very long time. That “Always” at least never admitted to Emily how much it hurt when she left. How much the distance has hurt.

~ I’ve been through hell in this job but it brought us together (I love you). You’ve kept me going through awful things (I love you). Of course I’ll support you whatever you decide (I love you). I’ll always support you even when you leave me (I love you). You’ve left me before and it hurt and it didn’t stop me from loving you (I love you). Please hang on; please stay; please come back to me (I love you, I love you, I love you). ~

*gentle screaming*

And, oh my god, Emily’s reactions. Emily had no idea this conversation was going to go where it did. Immediately defensive when JJ mentions Paris - she’s still in the part of the game where she’s protesting being convinced to stay, and Paris feels like a low blow. The way she crumples into “oh goddammit” when JJ brings up the miscarriage. Oh now it’s clear this is going deeper. Like, WHAT is the full story there??!! JJ was pregnant when she came to Emily’s rescue, right? So the attack and miscarriage happened while Emily was tucked away in Paris. We know JJ was Emily’s only(?) connection to her real life in that period, and here’s confirmation that Emily was a lifeline for JJ during that time as well, perhaps implying that she wasn’t confiding in her husband, at least not fully. You know how JJ tends to keep the hard things to herself, and she was forced to keep secrets for her safety and Emily’s safety. But she shared this with Emily. Maybe Emily had to push her (she “didn’t quit” on JJ), but they were already both in the dark, so to speak, so JJ could let herself lean on that support without bringing that darkness into her home life. Emily’s “goddammit” to me sounds like: memories of grief upon grief upon desperate isolation. Sounds like: I put those memories away and it took something out of me to do it. Sounds like: That was when their love for each other deepened, grew richer and more complex. That was when something more might have started to bloom between them, some doomed but lovely unnamed thing. And then it was locked away. And JJ has the audacity to acknowledge it? Now? Emily’s been spiraling about what’s the point of fighting this battle, when I feel like I’m losing myself? And JJ calls up the memory of this awful, bleak time when they both felt horrendously lost and they *got each other through it.* I mean. I MEAN

I love Emily’s shocked reaction as JJ’s confession lands. Either Emily’s feelings never breached the platonic barrier (not my interpretation!), or she put away the possibility years ago and did her damnedest to not look back. You can see her wheels turning, her uncertainty about what JJ’s revealed, her wanting to tread carefully. And when Rossi texts and she has to make a choice? JJ’s looking at her with those big blue eyes. Time to table the full depth of the moment. Sprinkle in a little bravado. The thing about being an adult is, you still have to go to all hands meetings while you’re having an earth shattering realization.

……..

Another thing about “it gives me you.” JJ has probably resigned herself to the fact that working at the BAU is the only way she gets to “have” this much of Emily. It’s part of why she came back from New Orleans, even if never acknowledged or articulated.

You know it’s a good scene when it makes me want to watch a bunch of other scenes. Even scenes I hate. Like…I want to revisit Reid talking Emily off the ledge, the truth or dare confession (loathsome!), the scene where Emily decides to stay on as UC in s12 (love this one). The Forever People (Mr Macbeth my beloved).

Honestly maybe JJ’s poly and she doesn’t know it, hasn’t let herself consider it. She’s evidently got a lot of love to give. And that needn’t be framed as some kind of betrayal of her vows or callous carelessness with her friend’s hearts, not to my mind. Plus, like, three cheers for letting your love for someone simply be what it is, however amorphous or uncategorizable, however little you can or want to act on it.

*******

Oh my god I’ve watched this scene over and over and over. I have total brain worms about it. I feel insane. I forgot to eat lunch and dinner

*******

Jennifer Jareau. This is AJ Cook’s season, it’s her show now. I am all the way in forever and ever

.

.

.

when CME socials started posting Jemily stuff and AJ said “ultimate Jemily moment” and Paget lightly teased……I just laughed. Like, okay, sure, ancient CBS procedural. Sure, my little carousel of disappointments. Sure. LOL. After all these years, they are not going to go there, and I wouldn’t even want them to.

I did not in a million years expect them to crack open the door like this. I still don’t think they’re going to break up JJ & Will. I am not expecting a Jemily kiss. But after this episode - the pathway to such a thing is clearer than it was. And now I think if they did choose to go there, they could maybe (maybe!!) even do it well. Shocking development. Has a lot to do with AJ's performance tbh. The writing is fine, despite the way it seems to twist the facts of canon around bts reality. But she's the one laying JJ's heart bare.

.

.

.

If this is it, the full extent of JJ’s and Emily’s scenes together this season (which would be weird!), I will still walk away with warm feelings. I’m honestly feeling so grateful for the way this episode gave them room to honor the history of these characters.

Grab your keys. Let’s fuckin’ roll.

[regularme12]

Hazbin Hotel tickle hcs (AGAIN)

Doing this lil ol' ideaaaa.... I added one more bc it just having 9 questions was kinda throwing me off😭

1. Who's the most ticklish character?

Lucifer. Hands. Down!!! This guy would squeakkk if u just poked his ribcage, so imagine the reactions you'd get out of him if u really tickled him... Esp. his worst spot~.

2. Who’s the character that most people would assume is ticklish, but actually isn’t?

Nifty. Don't ask how people would think her of all devils to be ticklish, but they just do.

3. Who’s the character that everyone gangs up on and tickles?

In the Hotel? Gotta be Sir Pentitous, just because he explicit hilarious reactions, it would've been Angle, but he really hates being tickled, so they gotta set boundaries, you know? But over all, it's Lucifer, just bc he's really sensitive.

4. Who’s the character that somehow knows everyone else’s tickle spots and reveals them to others?

Niftyyyy, she's too energetic, and usually, if not everytime, would hear someone being tickled and rush right to it, just to watch. Just because, since she likes pain, and when she hears someone yell stop, she thinks they're in pain, and absolutly enjoys it way tooo much.

5. Who’s the character with one specific tickle spot that only one other person knows about?

Adam's collar bone is stupid ticklish, like if u only tickle him there, he'll be more ticklish than Lucifer. And Lute knows this, and uses it to blackmail him. She won't tell anyone about Adam's secret, in return of what Lute wants.

6. Who’s the most likely to win gang tickle wars?

Vaggie, she's just so skilled because of what she had to endure in Heaven. Beilieve it or not, but the angles really love tickling other angles, so in order for Vaggie to not be taken down that way, she had to stand her ground, and stand it she did.

7. Which character has a kink for tickling?

Val.😐 No suprise here, but he only has that kink for his very own, special prodigy, Angledust.

8. Which character didn’t even know they were ticklish until another character tickled them?

This is a tie between Alastor and Vaggie, so I'll go with Vaggie first. She didn't know until, I'd like to headcanon her and Emily were like bffs in Heaven, Emily tickled her since Vaggie tickled Emily, and let's just say, all hell broke lose when Vaggie realized she was indeed ticklish. Now, Alastor. He didn't know until Nifty was running up and down his body, and he like jumped and squeaked knocking her off. But of course, with this new found information, Nifty keeps doing it, but she doesn't get far until Alastor pushes her off with force. Husk witnessed it too, and he tried, but let's just say, never again.

9. Which two characters have tickle fights all the time?

Vaggie and Charlie, ofc. They are too cute with each other. Charlie would intiate the tickling, only to be taken down all the time, because Charlie loves being tickled and tickling all together, so she kinda just let her self get taken down. In which, Vaggie really don't mind, bc she hates being tickled, and she loves her girlfriend's giggles. So it's a win-win situation.

10. Which character only let's one specific character tickle them?

Husk only let's Angle tickle him, bc he has a soft spot for the spider demon. Cuteeeeeeee >_<

[cabeswaterdrowned]

top 5 characters this year so far can be from books movies shows etc

I’m doing this in terms of character who were totally new to me so far this year so if it’s a reread/rewatch, additional content for chars I already love like a sequel I read or an adaptation I watched it doesn’t count (there’s one on here who is from a long franchise but she still counts for a reason I’ll explain)

 I love all the yellowjackets girls but especially Taissa/Shauna followed closely by Natalie would be my favorites. Tai and Shauna are just so the type of characters that would obviously be favorites for me it sort of doesn’t bare explanation, and I really feel for Natalie a lot all three girls are such interesting characters and perfectly acted I’m obsessed with them. 

Kate Wallis from Cruel Summer, we talked about this but she’s such a great character I love how she subverts the trope of like as much as I love her an Alison Dilaurentis type of mean it girl who is involved with older men and painted as an evil temptress for that (in a way her character to me is like a combination of aspects of Ali Spencer and Aria if the Pll writers had a better grasp of what to do with their arcs), I loved how empathetic the portrayal of her character was and her arc through the season, and Olivia Holt is just so charming as her. 

Eleanor Vance from The Haunting of Hill House book (I was planning to finally watch the show over break but I got sidetracked with the SaB season release + Djats releases and my brain rot, hopefully I will watch it soon I promise it will be the next New show I start just not sure when I will start watching anything new rn I’m just watching YJ and Abbott weekly and I’m going to start that partial Pll rewatch for a project.) but anyway book Eleanor is an incredible character I’m in love with her voice, and women who’s narratives are about isolation and also homoerotic subtext especially in horror you’ll always be famous. 

Meritte Audrey and Harper from Plain Bad Heroines, if I have to pick one probably Meritte since I dug her voice and initial characterization the most although Audrey’s arc was my favorite. I really really loved this book everything about it was written specifically for me in mind including these three characters and the dynamics between them (canon polyamerous sapphics in a horror novel!! I loved all the dynamics between the three of them so much that’s also why all of them count) 

Courtney Dilaurentis from Ali’s Pretty Little Lies the prequel to the Pll book series. Even though this is part of a franchise and there were scenes involving Courtney in the main series I’m counting her because getting a story from her pov does separate her char from just the version of her the liars see in flashbacks and you feel for her in a different way. I thought her character in this book was so fascinating, throughout the whole thing she’s referring to herself as Alison to method act her way into her life but also to me her character felt a bit like a version of show Alison where the writers could find a middle ground between viewing her as sympathetic because of her horrible family and the way older men took advantage of her and gave you reasons for why she does the fucked up things she does, without completely de-fanging her character for a redemption arc the way late Pll did. And I just found her dynamics with the other liars in the book so interesting esp with Aria and Emily. thank you for the ask! (Ask me too 5 of anything)

[jackienautism]

ive always sort of taken ashley's reaction to that whole situation to be like. in that moment, emily goes from ally to potential threat, and ashley freaks out and her thought process is basically.... "remove the threat". it is mike who escalates and picks up the gun like you said. my guess is, seeing a friend get shot is way different than the possibility of them getting shot? so like... if mike shoots emily, ashley a) sees that reality and b) knows that it wouldn't have happened without her. hence the guilt. but in the case of mike putting the gun down, the potential threat is not gone in any way and ashley didnt have to see her friend Actually get shot. so her reaction is probably from the uneasiness of the situation being unresolved, until she reads the notebook, realizes there was never any danger to her from emily, and THEN feels guilty. hopefully that makes sense? combo of whether or not ashley's unease and panic is actually resolved in the moment, as well as Actually watching emily die or just... having that almost happen.

i honestly have no idea what this is in reference to, but it all makes sense to me yeah! all i wanted was just to talk abt how its kind of fucked (atleast to me) how sam's relationship goes up after ashley reveals the truth 😭 i didnt mean for this to end in a discussion abt the like...bite / shooting scene as a whole. but i appreciate you coming into my inbox nonetheless!

but yeah i really don't blame ashley for freaking out the way she did, its just silly bc didnt jack sooooort of explain the whole situation back in the lodge? i could be TOTALLY misremembering so dont take my word for it. but its just.... he mentions cannibalism and this isnt necessarily cannibalism correct? but yeah. still. ashley is totally one to jump to conclusions before her mind can rly like....digest the situation properly so its sooo in character for her to automatically assume the worse. bc look at the whole basement scene w/ the ghost? her emotions get the best of her and makes her believe things that otherwise have a "rational" / believable explanation. so i totally don't blame her at all for acting the way she does

once again, i totally forget what this could potentially be in reference to fdkgndfg so apologies for that. did they rly like. show that ash was guilty that well though? like. OBV the guilt is gonna be there since her words and actions and whatever sort of led up to the moment of em getting shot, but after that ? does she rly show anything ????? not to say that she doesn't regret what she did and said if em actually dies, bc i jusrt KNOW that isnt true, i just think mike shows more remorse than ashley does which sucks. unless its more of a ...... silent guilt. which is probably is. ive only rly watched the scene and the aftermath once so i cant remember it too clearly sorry

AND I THINK I FINALLY KNOW WHAT THIS IS TALLKING ABT.... ITS ABT THE COMMENT SHE MAKES IF MIKE DOESNT SHOOT EMILY RIGHT? hopefully thats what it is fkgnfg but yeah that totally makes sense to me! or wait. is this just abt the potential guilt ashley feels in this scene? AAAAA IM SO SORRY I SAY A LOT OF THINGS AND I DONT WHAT THE HELL I JUST SAID!!!! if you wanna clarify things for me if i didnt answer this to your satisfaction id appreciate it dfgknfg but once again, i appreciate the discussion regardless!

once again though, i think that does make sense yeah! esp in regards to ashley's "i hope you did" comment following mike failing to shoot em. bc youre right, the uneasiness and .... anxiety of the situation is still there, so it makes sense why she wouldnt seem very ..... happy over mike not shooting em / not getting her to leave

youre right though it def all depends on what occurs, which is like. realistic. esp from a Human Being perspective. so it sucks that a lot of ppl blow the scene out of proportion and unnecessarily hate on ashley for her (rather realistic) reactions to what's shown to her. bc yeah ok if its put out there or if it ever enters her mind, of COURSE shes gonnna freak out ove rth e potential of em "turning into one of them." the only one who doesnt rly believe it at first is sam and thats due to how ..... levelheaded she is, even under times of stress. but ashley is the COMPLETE opposite of that. she''s like. ive seen others talk abt this before but. she's not grounded in reality, which is a very interesting and good way of putting it. so yeah of course her imagination is going to take her into dangerous places and shit and therefore dictate how she reacts to what happens. hopefully this makes any sense? i know i dont necessarily need to defend her actions here (since plenty of others have already done the same) but i just wanted to get my thoughts down sdfnksdf

[apoorplayer]

december tcc challenge but i did the whole thing bc i was bored lmao

* What music genre fits your tc the most?

early 2000s pop punk , lol . he has the voice for it

* What's your favorite personality trait for your tc?

his confidence for sure . he says everything like he knows he’s right and it’s so hot

* Do you think they fit into a certain aesthetic or two? If so, which ones?

closest aesthetic i could fit him into is like ,, soft artsy boy ?? that’s the way he dresses at least lol

* If you could, how would you comfort your tc?
(Like if they seem to be having a rough day)

whenever he seems like he’s having a rough day i just try to make him laugh :)

* What type of winter activity do you think is their favorite?

he seems like a snowball fight type of guy tbh lol

* If you could (or have) what book or movie would you recommend to you tc?

any emily henry book !! i think he’d like the humor in those books + would love for those romcoms to give him some ideas ;;)))

* What's their sense of humor like? Is yours similar?

he’s obsessed w “cringe” things lol , we have very similar senses of humor and he’s told ppl he thinks i’m rlly funny hehe

* What's the nicest thing your tc has ever said to you?

sometimes he compliments me in this super low voice and it actually makes me MELT but one time he basically said he loves the way i act and it made me never want to change myself lol

* What wintery activity would you love to do with them?

cuddle up together and watch christmas movies <333

* What do you think your tc's love language is?

prob quality time . he’s all ab spending time w ppl :)

* Do you have a quote or poem that you associate with them?

plentyyy of song lyrics ,,, like the entirety of using you by mars argo <333

* Do you prefer emailing them or talking in person?

talking in person BUT emailing him feels so special esp since he always emails me first hehe

* Do they have a signature cologne or perfume?

nooo i wish he did tho lol

* Is your tc someone you can go to for support?

yeah i think so , he can tell when i’m having a bad day and tries to comfort me :)

* Have you ever pictured yourself with their last name or vice versa?

all the time tbh

* Is there anything you don't like about your tc?

we have completely opposite political opinions hahah and we both feel very strongly ab those opinions

* Have you ever seen them in a really bad mood?

not a RLLY bad mood , but he did get super sick awhile back and he would legit come into lunch and just lay on the floor lmao

* Does your tc ever laugh differently when they're with you?

yeahhhh hehe i made him laugh harder “than he ever had before” :))))

* What's your tc's staple drink? (If they have one)

vanilla coffee for sure

* Is there anything that the two of you have in common? Is there a lot?

we’re both gaming and coffee nerds lol

* Have they ever targeted you directly in class or in the halls?

he comes up to me a lot in the halls , we don’t have class together tho so </3

* Have you ever said anything that might have given away your feelings?

i don’t think so , i try to keep my feelings pretty hidden lol

* Do you dream about them often?

WAY TOO OFTEN

* Is your tc more physically or verbally affectionate? Or not at all?

def more verbally affectionate :)

* If you could, (or have) what would you get your tc for Christmas?

prob some rlly nice coffee beans hehe

* Do you like them in a romantic sense or in a more platonic way?

tbh more of a romantic sense but i know nothing would ever happen and i’m 100% ok with our current dynamic

* Are they a cozy sweater person?

no he literally wears short sleeve button ups in december 😭

* What color looks best on them?

green :)

* If you could see yourself the way they see you, would you take the chance?

yes ofccc

* What little habit they have is your absolute favorite?

when i’m talking i use hand movements a lot , and he always mimics them after i do them so i’ll get embarrassed . he thinks it’s so funny lol i love seeing him laugh ab it

* If it was legal, would you share a midnight kiss with them?

yes hehe

[supernutellastuff]

I posted 315 times in 2022

7 posts created (2%)

308 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@taralkariel

@xue-mei

@leafy-m

@missmorwen

@austennerdita2533

I tagged 204 of my posts in 2022

Only 35% of my posts had no tags

#me irl - 23 posts

#buckynat - 14 posts

#klaroline - 10 posts

#fanart - 8 posts

#i love tumblr - 8 posts

#politics - 7 posts

#mcu - 7 posts

#seriously - 6 posts

#just human things - 6 posts

#art - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 94 characters

#the scariest point was about not being able to digest my favourite food sometime in the future

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Tag game!

Tagged by the amazing @diaz-eddie

Favourite colour - funny because I recently had a very in depth discussion about this with a friend, but anything in the blue-green family

Currently reading - I'm rereading The Glass Hotel by Emily St. John Mandel in preparation for her new novel The Sea of Tranquility (btw her Station Eleven remains one of my fav all timers, esp during the pandemic)

Sweet/salty/spicy/bitter/sour - spicy any day, though I do like sour as well

Last song - 2 AM by Lykke Li & Mark Ronson, also Nothing Breaks like a Heart by Miley Cyrus & Mark Ronson (these songs hit them feels like nothing else)

Last movie - Everything everywhere all at once (such an original movie)

Currently working on - it's supposed to be the second chapter of my Picturesque prequel but alas I have a presentation for work 😭

Tagging @recyclingss @xue-mei @mallosoar @taralkariel @missmorwen @highgaarden and anyone else who wants to play!

10 notes - Posted July 7, 2022

#4

Ok so I’m in early season 4. I’ve always really liked Bonnie, but she never gets anything to do and when she does it’s always just “here’s a random guy for you to have a relationship with and that will be your story for a while” (her and Jeremy 🤮) and it’s never interesting (although I wouldn’t mind if they went anywhere at all with her and Damon tbh).

I also very much like Damon, by far the better brother. I really don’t care about anything Elena-related anymore and I think it’s mostly because they’ve played everything out with her several times through already. Also sorry to Nina Dobrev but she’s not a great actor and I’ve kinda had it with the character by now. The less said about Stefan the better. Jeremy and Tyler too.

Now that I’m several seasons in though it really is feeling like they’re stretching for content. The world and season threats got too big and they have no idea how to stop the power creep so they just keep adding stuff that totally breaks established lore. One of the things I love about Caroline is how well she grounded the story (sure she’s a vampire but she’s also still really into regular high school drama and trying to be a normal person still).

(Also sorry for sending anon before. I didn’t realize I’d clicked that until it had sent)

Hello!! It's been a long time since I watched the show so I apologise in advance for any inadvertent spoilers or vague plot recall.

Okay so Bonnie has legit been done the dirtiest even though she's one of the coolest characters. I like some of her plot lines where her witch roots means she's actively opposed to the vampires but she still wants to be on Elena's side, the conflict could have been interesting but it's never mined deeper. I hate her and Jeremy too and I agree that she and Damon have some legit chemistry (explored in further seasons, so you do have something to look forward to!)

Yeah Elena is annoying, and I got tired quickly about how everything was always about her. I'm not sure if I prefer Damon over Stefan, but Stelena is defs more boring. I prefer Stefan as a stand alone character or his friendship dynamic with Lexi, Caroline etc (more on this later).

I agree with you that the world building gets bigger than the writers can handle, but I really enjoyed the cure storyline in s4. I'm in the minority, but I really liked how there are all these factions with their own agendas competing to get the cure, and well, i always like it when the Originals have to team up with the Mystic Falls gang.

Talking about the Originals, I think they're the best thing the show has ever done. The casting, the acting, the group dynamics, the lore, the integration with the core tvd group... Perfection. What do you think? Who's your favourite Original?

Yes, Caroline is such a breath of fresh air in the show. I absolutely love how she's one of the few characters who actually LOVES being a vampire. I related to her even before she turned, when she was talking about being second choice "no matter how much I do, its never enough". She's thriving as a vampire as well as retaining her connection to her human side, without any of the angsty brooding that Stefan and all do. One of the reasons I love Klaroline is that Klaus is the ONLY one who recognises this, that she wants a life bigger and better than this. He accepts her as she is, and I just looove how much he changes throughout the course of knowing her, how he consistently puts her first. Sigh. I can go on and on about Klaroline. They have such epic moments, my god. What have been your favourite scenes??

10 notes - Posted July 5, 2022

#3

[bernie sanders voice] I am once again asking for more of Chronicles

Aaaahhh Hahaha! I will always always appreciate your constant cheerleading for Chronicle 💜 unfortunately I don't have any plans to continue the story, it had a natural end. What I *am* working on rn is the Klaus POV prequel to Picturesque! You might be interested in that :) anyway, thanks for this message and can I just tell you (again) how much joy your fics and writing have given me??? 🥺

12 notes - Posted January 11, 2022

#2

running like water - a Zutara oneshot

AU Post-finale, that time when an assassin crashes Zuko's 18th birthday. Luckily he has a master waterbender by his side. Ft. a badass Katara, Fire Nation political intrigue, and Bloodbending as flirting.

(Realised I'd written this years ago but never posted. Hopefully this gives me some much-needed inspiration while I muddle through my WIPs. Happy reading!)

link on ao3

Or read below!

It’s Zuko’s 18th birthday and he is nowhere to be found. By all accounts, he’d made an appearance at the Royal Ball for a respectable amount of time and then disappeared into thin air. Katara hurries across the halls of the palace, one hand gathering the skirts of her formal gown, her heels clicking on the marble floor. The palace staff haven’t seen him either—he wasn’t in his bedchambers, nor in the library, and she’d even checked under the willow tree next to the turtleduck pond. Katara fumes, her annoyance rising. She’s laboured over his gift for days, the least he could do is not get kidnapped or whatever.

It’s nearing midnight and Katara is about to contemplate hiring the services of Jun and her shirshu when she remembers the one place she hadn’t yet searched: the rooftop. While the rooftop was largely inaccessible, owing to its steep pagoda architecture, there was a flat alcove, hidden to the public, that opened up to the sky. Zuko had shown it to her a while ago when he was making plans for renovation, but it was dirty and in disrepair then, which is why it had slipped her mind.

The entrance to the roof is hidden behind a tapestry, a rather heavy, ugly thing the colour of blood. Katara twitches the tapestry aside and slips behind it. A narrow spiral staircase stands in front of her, illuminated by a hanging dusty lantern. Clutching the wrought iron railings, she begins the dizzying climb. An unexpected sight greets her at the top.

The place has been transformed into a charming rooftop garden. Vines climb the walls and trail down the parapet. Rows of potted herbs are flanked by beds of exotic flowers, the spicy and sweet scents intermingling in interesting ways. Fat beeswax candles stuck on iron stands are placed strategically in recesses, giving the entire garden a low, atmospheric lighting. And lounging on a profusion of cushions, eyes shut, his top knot undone, is Zuko.

“Took you long enough,” he says lazily, cranking one eye open.

“Happy Birthday,” Katara snaps, flinging the wrapped parcel at his stomach with a little too much force.

Zuko straightens immediately. “What is this?”

“Your present, dummy. I’ve been running around everywhere looking for you.”

He frowns. “Didn’t Oromi deliver you the message?”

“What message?” she asks, sinking into a cushion beside him.

“He must have misplaced the note again.” Oromi was the new palace gardener, a country lad, kind-hearted but rather forgetful. He was a magician at his work, though—he could make the stubbornest of saplings sprout and the most exotic flowers bloom under his care, almost like he was bending them. This little rooftop garden seems to be his doing. “I wrote you a message asking you to meet me here. I could not stand all those dreadful festivities.”

“Yes, yes what a bore having people throwing grand parties in your honour.”

A sheepish smile spread across his face. “I appreciate it all, I really do.”

“The royal cooks roasted an entire hippo-ox in your honour.”

“And I savoured every bite of it…but it exhausts me, having to put on this stern, aloof, regal front.” He does look exhausted, there are lines around his eyes that have no business being there. He also looks older; the planes of his face have sharpened and there’s stubble on his face on days he has no official business. “I hate pretending to be someone I’m not, especially on my birthday, when I’d rather spend time with the people I like.” His eyes flicker to her and her stomach flips.

Clearing her throat, Katara gestures to the package lying in his lap. “Open your gift.”

Zuko picks up the gift, examining it from every angle. Katara watches him carefully as his deft fingers unwrap the parcel, untying the strings and peeling off the layers. Nestled in the folds is a stack of small, unassuming-looking, semi-circular cakes.

“It’s a mooncake,” says Katara hurriedly. “A traditional Water Tribe recipe. Probably not a very special gift but my mom used to make them for birthdays-”

Zuko is already digging into the stack. He takes a bite, makes a sound of appreciation, and polishes off the whole cake. “Is there fruit jam inside?!” he asks in delight, mouth full. He offers a cake to her and picks another for himself.

“Yes!” She grins. “Salmonberry jam. I spent days in the palace kitchen, trying to get the thickness of the filling right. It needs to be the right amount of oozy…”

The words die on her tongue. Zuko is licking the jam off his fingers. She puts down her cake, suddenly very flustered.

Zuko looks up as she falls silent. Their eyes meet and the moment holds still. They’ve been dancing around each other for the past two years, longer than that, if she’s honest. Lingering looks, not-so-accidental touches, charged banter…she’s been noticing it more in their interactions lately, whether it’s quiet picnics beside the turtleduck pond or heated fights during state meetings. And now this connection, whatever it may be, is threatening to make itself known in very real ways. Katara has half a mind to brush off the moment with a flippant remark.

It’s Zuko who breaks the silence. “You look beautiful, by the way,” he comments. She’s wearing a traditional Fire Nation gown, richly embroidered in threads of red and gold, but her hair—

“Your hair is braided Water Tribe style. It looks good on you.”

She smiles, fighting off a blush. “Thank you.”

See the full post

29 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Longing - a Picturesque prequel (Klaroline fanfiction)

Hellooo, the Picturesque prequel from Klaus's POV is finally here!

Longing

Summary: Klaus likes his life, mostly. He has his own flat in New York City, a great group of friends, a budding career as an artist, but as he's navigating all the ups and downs the city throws at him, he realises that he's longing for something more. Or rather, someone.

[The long-awaited prequel to Picturesque! As promised, this is from Klaus's POV and tells the story of how in the process of figuring out who he wants to be, he's more and more drawn towards Caroline. Too bad she doesn't think of him as anything other than a friend...]

I cannot believe how long this took! Writing from Klaus's POV was challenging, and I felt like my writing style had changed in the years since I wrote Picturesque. Anyway, here's my labour of love, hope you like it! This will be a two-parter, the second chapter will be up next week. To new readers, this is a prequel to Picturesque so PLEASE read that fic before this! You'll enjoy this fic better *after* reading Picturesque. While chronologically/plot-wise Longing comes first, I feel like from the progression of my writing style and the work I've put in the characterisations, it makes more sense to read Longing after Picturesque. Also, if you're a familiar reader, I'd still suggest you read Picturesque, just to brush up (I've made some slight edits for continuity, especially in the last chapter)

For @recyclingss who's always been such a tireless cheerleader <3

Read Longing here - https://archiveofourown.org/works/38565495

33 notes - Posted May 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[kninedlog]

Since my own art is trash credit goes to this person for the best interpretation creatable -

twitter: https://twitter.com/hunblooms

instagram: https://instagram.com/hunbloom?utm_medium=copy_link

The picrew itself: https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/626197

OC # 1 : Meet Anthony Andrews more formally known as Mr. Andrews

The beginning | Previous | Next

(I'm trying to merge The Andrews and my other oc's into the story as best as I can without changing too much. As I do truly love the orginal and full fnaf story esp. SB; I love what creative minds and the fandom together have created more. So, please take any major changes with a slight grain of salt and move on. 'Tis a fan story.)

THE BEFORE

- Late 1979, a young spry, fresh out of highschool guy, named Mr. Andrews met a guy nicknamed Bill durring their time in college. Bill was speed running his way to a robotics degree, Andrews could see the man had some help back where he came from unsure of how or where though. As someone with his already preexisting knowledge felt a little taboo in these parts. He should know that best, being the weird one out in the robotics major of all places for just simply being good at it and the top of the class until Bill came around and knocked him to number two just because of speed. However, he didn't mind nor really cared about the man. That was until the campus spread with rumors that Bill owned a business. A children's pizza joint for family and fun times that had animatronic robots as the entertainment. That caught his attention.

-While Bill was busy rushing through the courses he needed workers to help keep the animatronics that were already there spic and span while he was away, he couldn't just leave his business partner to handle it all, it'd just be too much for him. So Andrews approchd and showed off a bit in class to get Bills attention for the job.

-It worked. All he needed was a small time engineer. Not anything really fancy. But, if Andrews could do more that'd be a plus! But truly he was just looking for someone to keep the upkeep while he was busy with learning and his partner was busy with the restaurant biz.

-Andrews happily accepted as he simply wanted the extra cash, being a small time waiter and bartender was not cutting it for the big ambitions he had dreamed for. Besides he was never really a people person. Robots and computers understood him more anyway.

-Working at the main location as it was the closest, young Mr. Andrews got to meet an at his prime, Henry Emily. A name that was thrown around a lot at the campus for his solo business venture through Chica's Party world. A place most of the campus students favored than fredbears before the two companies merged to make the Diner. Andrews never really picked a side, he didn't care enough.

-Andrews was then trained and heavily watched over by Henry. Simply doing his daily task of checking, basic tuening and cleaning everyday for a surprisingly three digit stack at the end of every week. However Henry started to notice a shine, a glow about the young adult who worked so feverishly and passionatly perfect at his job that he wanted to indulge in a little bit of curiosity.

-Andrews was then randomly asked to create a new animatronic for them to present. Something more marketable then useable. Just a test. He assured the boy they were never gonna use it, the man was just simply curious. Curious to see how truly in love the young one was to the craft of robotics and the science within it.

-Andrews delivered ten-fold. Billions of papers stack and stacks of notebooks and loose leaf were piled onto the surprised owners desk the next morning. The man couldn't have made all these the night prior could he!?

-Each few pages dedicated in intricate detail to a single idea. All different, all unique, all spectacularly futuristic with AI emotional programming and features that by today's time were impossible. Yet maybe plausible in the near future.

-Andrews wasn't just a simple robotics and computer science major, he was a visionary. A genius. An inventor. But he sadly didn't have the funds nor space nor help or crew create what he wanted. Not to mention that with these blue prints and designs, it would need to be a few years before something of this calibur could be made. Still Henry was fascinated and intrigued. He decided to hire the boy full time the second he and William graduated together. That's when Andrews finally knew Bill's full name.

-From that point forth he was now officially Fazbear entertainment's head engineer and technician employee, ready to hop from location to location where they'd need him to fix things right on up!

1983

- FOUR YEARS PASS. IT'S 1983. Since the Diner chain would barely need his assistance anymore with the booming business that's been surrounding it, Andrews was moved to the newest spin off location Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, with the same working position as before but also a co manager. He was offered the role of head manager but he turned it down. Too much pressure, too much people, he'd rather just robot.

-Durring his time at his newest location he used up all the money he had saved previously from four years ago to finally start working on a project he plans that he would fully end up passing over as a gift to his kin. Well that's if he would ever have kids, no woman would ever glance his way or give him the time of day. That's until he met the future Ms. Andrews at a company after party night on location where he found out she worked as a waitress.

-The two started to mingle, flirt, and eventually become an item. Jordan loved watching the man she would marry one day work, found it fascinating how he knew all these codes and sequences, how in the zone he would become, sure it was a bit scary. Sometimes she couldn't even get him to eat or go to the bathroom, pry him away from that damn table or computer, how he would just push himself to and over the limit just to get a single finger to move. But how he would put this peice here and that there when building together a gift for something he only hopes and prayed was a possibility someday was still so amazing and greatful. She envied him. She envied him a lot.

- Still well early into the year the idea that he had heard his bosses talk about time to time had become a reality, an idea that frankly he had slight suspicion was stolen from him. I mean a robot that can move around freely and not have to bolted somewhere in place. That was one of the many of hundreds ideas he had scattered on Henry's desk that day. But then once he heard the idea came from William and that the robot would also double as a suit, Andrews then got freaked out. The awful amount of possibilities that could come with that were suprisingly not endless but gruesome.

- Could he say this right in front of the man's face? Absolutely the fuck not! That's his boss, he didn't want to eat fired! Plus he has a strange feeling he'll be used as a guinea pig for the idea if he did. So he kept his mouth shut, forced out a smile and gave a thumbs up and continued to watch from the sides. If there was one thing Andrew was best at, it was keeping his name out of anything and staying out of trouble.

-One day tragedy hit the company when one of the founders children died due to a very tragic chain of events. This left a shock of nerves spiked at the new Andrews houshold, a shotty two bedroom apartment in a complex. Right when Jordan found out she was positive too. Henry and William both told Andrews to keep continuing his job at the spin-off location despite the tragedy struck at the Diner. Nothing had happened at the spin off so it was fine. Plus they would need him to keep the golden suits that were now stored in the back the same treatment he was giving the new wonderful four.

- He listened and went back to work but had a feeling that William needed a talk, he looked so . . . Out of it. So he offered to let the man rant his heart out to him over drinks, to mourn and get emotional with someone that will keep their mouth shut at the local pub Jr.'s

-After a few small drinks and deep talks, with Jordan as added company, William wanted to drive them back home, do a good deed for a good deed ya know. Out of all them William wasn't as drunk and was to chilverous and proud to let Jordan drive. He claimed he never let his wife due to how "bad" she was which was a funny laugh. They agreed and off they went but half way home they crashed. It wasn't that bad, no serious damage was done to the car. William and Andrews were fine, dizzy. Maybe left with a tiny concussion, but Jordan wasn't so lucky.

-At the hospital William was apologetic to the nines. He didn't mean for it he didn't realize how drunk he was. Andrews was calm he was collected and he was reasonable. He told his superior that it was alright. Jordan, although heavily reluctant, made the more probable choice to live and get another chance at giving birth, but lost her first child in the process due to the injury she received.

1984

-The Andrews house hold has never been so quite, so very quiet. Mr. Andrews continues his job in due diligence until the night after his successful testing of the security puppets visual recognition to color, AT THE DINER, Charlie Emily dies from a random act of violence by an unknown killer at the back of the restaurant he first started. He takes a few days off and just like thing only got worse.

-AT THE LOCATION HE CO-MANAGES FREDDY FAZBEAR'S PIZZA; one new kid gone, another gone. Another, another. He had it after one, after Susie went missing and stayed home later, picked back up the waiting tables and bartending the weekdays and leaving his job earlier to not be associated, but he still felt guilty and awful that he had no idea what to do. Once the third came around he just fell off the grid. Stopped showing up and started focusing on his and his new wife's life together. Using the sudden suprise marriage and honey moon as an excuse before completely quitting when they returned.

- He completely cut himself off from anything Freddy Fazbear's for a long long LONG time. Putting his free time into the gift of a life time. And watched as a bystander as a the company he used to love and cherish, the men he used to aspire to and admire break down.

- Then his first child was born.

The beginning | Previous | Next

[jackienautism]

OHHH OKAY OKAY

1.Three ships: uhhhhmmmm... emily/jess/sam from until dawn. and any variation within that trio. and since im in my saw era rn i def gotta say probably amanda/lynn LOL and im also a big fan of amanda/laura... /addison too tbh. but i also rly like amanda/gabriela. i still gotta make stuff for them bujt ouuugh. i gave you 4 oopsies

2. First ever ship? probably foxy/chica from fnaf LOL but also erza/lucy from fairy tail... theyre the reason why i am the way i am today (a lesbian)

3. Last song: red wine supernova by chappell roan

4. Last film: ......spiral from the book of saw. i just watched it yesterday LOL

5. Currently reading? red rising by pierce brown. its for a book club w/ my irl friend hehe. its been a while since i picked it up (focusing has been difficult lately) but yeah :]

6. Currently watching: alice in borderland also w/ that irl friend. im not good w/ tv shows so its RARE for me to get into one on my own. hence why im trying to watch w/ friends now

7. Currently consuming: just ate a cheese danish

8. Currently craving: uhm . water

tagging: @thatoneudguy @kilowattsons and anyone else who wants to do this !!!! esp if we're mutuals / buddies<3

(no pressure though ofc, i just feel bad not taggin ppl fdkgnfg but then again... i get anxiety BY tagging ppl so its a lose lose situation</3)

9 People to Get to Know Better

Heyy, thanks for the tag @ghostradiodylan!!

1. Three ships: Omg omg omg Rylan<333 they mean the whole damn world to me rn. Also Nick/Salim ough, so underrated and deserve more. And also, a classic, Nomad/Firebreak from the Call of Duty: Black Ops series. they are soo !!! (actually really funny that my cod hyperfixation didn’t infect my Tumblr)

2. First ever ship: hard to remember, but it was probably Puppet/Golden Freddy from Fnaf💀💀

3. Last song: the idea of you - revisited by Mxmtoon (dude fuck it’s so good)

4. Last film: I’m gonna say Nimona and that was so damn long ago. I don’t watch movies every often

5. Currently reading: Nothing. Ever. Only fanfiction, sorry.

6. Currently watching: UHM OK That that reality tv show Playing it Straight, but I’m watching it ironically istg😭

7. Currently consuming: Hot chocolate :)

8. Currently craving: Pickles and cottage cheese please please please

Tagging @blubaryboy @imahyperfixatedbitch @unhingedlesbear @boom-ovaries-gone @potato-lord-but-not bro bro I don’t have 9 um ok no pressure btw!!

[dughole]

maybe im overestimating the skills of 2 canadian teens but i rlly do think th acting choices/script in ginger snaps is like. incredibly smart… pre werewolf, their performance is so. measured & teen-deliberate. almost riverdale-ian if u will. everything's a bit too punchy, there's a pattern to how they talk, esp w brigette, since ginger takes tha lead.. post-attack the performances all change rlly drastically, emily perkins & katherine isabelle r kind of compulsively natural for the rest of it, they go from that teenage "everything-i-say-&-do-has-to-do-w-self-image filter to like, being in such a fucked situation that they can’t afford that kind of ego-death padding. i love how the first bit tricks u into thinking yr watching a polished, diablo cody werewolf movie n it kind of veers away into something a lot more instinctual.

[fiovske]

do you know any shows with prominent wlw romance? :( im still mourning b/j

Those that I know of in animation:

she-ra and the princesses of power (it takes time and growth and love and loss and heartache but the clues are peppered all throughout so when ultimately catadora goes canon, you will cry but it’ll be happy tears. plus, there are many established supporting queer canon relationships alongside.)

the owl house (I haven’t watched it yet but it comes to me too highly recommended and I’ve been told the sapphics stay winning with luzamity)

from what I HAVE watched I can recommend:

sense8 (nomi and amanita are the established wlw! nomi is trans and she is absolutely AMAZING and you might know amanita from Doctor Who? Martha Jones and she is SO badass! besides, its a pretty diverse show and i love it.)

one day at a time (its a sitcom! about this cuban-american family and it has confirmed lesbian elena! and this show is mostly about the whole family but elena has her wlw romance is on-going even in the background of other-character centric episodes so its like... normalized in that way.)

San Junipero episode of Black Mirror (each BM episode is standalone in like a futuristic invention taken to the extreme and while the ep trails on the perils of tech and what not, this is one is VERY much for the sapphics, Yorkie and Kellie falling in love. its just. this one is. so close to my heart. I love it SO much.)

Killing Eve (this is SUCH a complicated but such an enticing relationship Villanelle and Eve have I CANNOT recommend this enough. through season 1 and season 2, they build and they break and then season 3 is a GIFT and the way I love the way they gravitate towards each other, their character growth... esp the season finale. I CANNOT express it enough, how much I love this show.)

Runaways (this show crept up on me with how good it was! its a fun show about these teens who run away once they realize their parents are like... supervillians/super-culty. also there’s a dinosaur! Nico and Karolina are in a committed wlw relationship I think by season 2 and this show is REALLY funny, I love the characters they’re diverse and so cool, making this list reminds me I’ll have to watch season 3 which was released recently!)

Everything Sucks! (this is a coming-of-age story about these kids in high-school and Kate is a gay lil gal who realizes she likes girls and... Emaline and Kate are wlw together and its just so nice man, its been a while since I last watched this show so I cant remember much but I remember enjoying it immensely)

what I haven’t watched but comes recommended to me as well:

the bold type (Kat-Adeena are the wlw rep and I’ve heard that Adeena’s rep as a queer muslim woman is good in the show.)

Wynonna Earp (i heard its cheesy and ridiculous and I’ve included the link to a video of the main wlw couple Wynonna and Nicole Haught uploaded by Syfy who produces the show so...!!~)

Legends of Tomorrow (I think I watched a couple of eps for Sara Lance only but its a funny show! I dont have object permanence and i can’t remember why I simply forgot to keep up w the show but i heard the show doesnt take itself too seriously and its light and after much mutual flirtation and all that, the show has Sara in a canon relationship with Ava Sharpe in season 3 I think)

195 Lewis (its wlw and about a queer Black polyamorous relationships and I’ve heard it portrays both in a positive light and also every frame is beautifully shot!)

Barbelle (its two lesbian pop-stars who date and then breakup but have to pretend to fake-date so they can sell their second album it sounds like a hilarious premise tbh and I think they fall back in love as well so yknow... /eyes emoji)

Carmilla (sitcom about a lesbian vampire I rest my case)

Dickinson (idk how factually correct it is, but its a tv show about Emily Dickinson but I heard she’s VERY gay in this)

that’s all I can remember FOR NOW. please feel free to add to this list! I’d love some recommendations myself!!

edit: HERE'S SOME MORE RECS I FOUND FROM TWITTER

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Give love one more chance; Gwilym Lee x reader

*Author’s note*

Hello everyone well I have yet another request that came from my wattpad account and this time the request is all about our lovely mini-Bri Gwilym Lee. Now as a warning THERE IS HEAVY MENTIONS OF CHEATING (not on Gwil’s part but it’s for the back story) and due to that there is angst but I PROMISE FLUFF IS THROUGHOUT MOST OF THIS STORY esp. once the ending comes around. So I hope you all enjoy this little fic and until the next update my darlings :)

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@psychosupernatural​

@waddles03​

@ixchel-9275​

@georgesgentlyweepingguitar​

@queendeakyy​

@geek-and-proud​

@simonedk​

@kairosfreddie​

__________________________________________________________

I was walking around the main stage set where they would be filming the most iconic scene ever, the Live Aid sequence. I was just in awe at how the stage designers were following everything by the book, from the brick wall patterns, to the posters that hung on them at the time, even some of the paint chipping away.

For those that are curious, the name’s (y/n) (l/n). I’ve been on the road with Queen ever since they started working alongside my best friend, Adam Lambert.  Yep, Adam and I go way back since middle school as a matter of fact.  We were both the awkward kids who no one really paid attention too and loved classic rock, esp. Queen.  When Adam told me he was planning to audition for American Idol, I just couldn’t let him go on alone.

I was his big supporter and went to every live performance cheering him from the sidelines, even helping his team organize and making sure he had everything he needed to his performances.  And even though he was a runner up, he was still a winner in my book.  Then when he came out to me as well as the world about his sexuality, that didn’t change my perspective of him.  I stuck by him because we were the Odd-kids through thick and thin.

Then by 2014 he met up once again with Queen a few years after performing with them back during his season of American Idol and that’s when they offered Adam to be the new leading man for their concerts and thus Queen+Adam Lambert was born.

And then just two years later, Queen officially began to project that was the film ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’  Adam had invited me along since he had a small little cameo to play and he said that I could potentially have a small role in the film too, but I turned to role down.  I just—never really fit well with a camera’s attention on me.

But here I am as support for Adam as well as Brian and Roger.  Those two men have really become role models and sorta like second dad’s to me in a way. When life got to stressful on the road; Brian always took me aside and the two of us would look at the SaveMe animal videos he had on his website, while Roger was the one with the good therapeutic music to listen to, he even got me into some bands that I never really had the chance to listen too.  Even his former solo band’s ‘The Cross’ music.

“Oh my god. This is beautiful.” It was then I bumped into someone’s back.

“Oh sorry my fault.” We both said at the same time but when I looked up to see just who it was that I had bumped into, I felt like I needed to do a double take because I swear to god I thought I was looking at Brian May at the time of Live Aid.

“Wow you’re gorgeous.” I thought I had said in my head but apparently my lips just had to voice it out loud to him. Embarrassingly I hid my face but I heard the Brian look-alike softly chuckle and he said.

“It’s fine love, I’m flattered, really. Guess I really look the part don’t I?”

“Yeah.” I nervously giggled.

“I’m Gwilym. And as you can probably tell by the wig, I’m playing Brian May in the film.”

“(Y/n). I’m uhh—Adam’s best friend.” God could this be any more humiliating.

“Oh so you’re the one Brian and Roger told us about. The clever roadie.”

“Well I wouldn’t call myself clever. They just flatter me because I work for them.”

“No, no, no. Brian especially talks about how you’ve been able to work on fixing all the AMPS that break down during rehearsal, or knowing when exactly his red special needs a tuning or new string set.” I blushed and that’s when he said, “Oh I’ve gone and rambled making you uncomfortable. I’m so sorry (y/n).”

“It’s fine Gwilym. So is this your first acting gig? Or have you been doing this for a while?”

“I guess you could call me a child actor. My first gig was in a show called Animal Ark, I think I was 13 years old when I auditioned for it. Then after getting my education I dived fully into the acting industry with a few television shows and a few movies. My recent big project was when I was in Midsomer murders, have you heard that show?”

“I think so. My dad was always into British tv more than American tv. Even though he was born in Minnesota.”

“I was only on for only 3 series before I went into some other projects.”

“Well I’d love to see the show sometime. And you said it was called midtown murders?”

“Midsomer, actually.”

“Oh right sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

And that’s kinda what we ended up doing.  We just sat there and talked right up until it was time to start filming.  I wished him good luck and as the actors got into place, I stood beside Roger, Brian’s daughter Emily and Peter “Phoebe” Freestone.  Shortly after the boys entered the stage much like Queen did 31 years Brian came up and sat down beside me and that’s when Rami, who was playing Freddie, set down at the piano and the guys all began to play the full Live Aid set.

As I looked at each of them I knew each of these guys had done their homework.  And seeing them in full costume and shtick, it was like I was actually there at the concert seeing them.  Of course my eyes were especially focused on Gwil who played Brian’s red special with such ease and finesse, it was like I was really watching Brian during the time of Live Aid.

Of course being a Queen fan, I couldn’t help but interact with each song they did, the double handclap for Radio Gaga and We will rock you, following along to the Aye-oh’s, headbanging to Hammer to fall, dancing to Crazy little thing called love, and swaying to We are the champions.

After doing several rehearsals, Dexter finally decided to film the guys for real this time.  And even though it was cold and the guys were probably exhausted, they still managed to perform the whole show once more with even more energy and enthusiasm when the cameras were really recording.  By the end of it all, I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

When I finally came backstage after the guys and some of the crew congratulated them on a job well done, I don’t know why it happened but I couldn’t help but fling myself towards Gwilym and embrace him.

“Seems our Brian look-alike has found his little groupie.” Teased Rami using his Freddie voice.  At that point I backed away and released him.

“Sorry. I just—got a little excited. Seeing you four up there it was like—finally seeing all four members of Queen back together for the first time in a long time.”

“We’re glad you loved it (y/n).” Gwilym said with a soft smile that made butterflies tickle my stomach.

“So you said you love Queen? What’s your favorite song of theirs?” asked the John Deacon look alike, damn much like Gwil, he definitely looked like Deacy, I can see why the casting directors chose him, it was like he was his son or something.

“Oh god well don’t tell them this but it’s definitely Somebody to love.”

“I like her already. We match!” he raised his hand up for a high five which I complied to give him as he introduced himself as Joe Mazzello.

Pretty soon I knew the other two actor’s names, Ben Hardy who was playing Roger, and Rami Malek who was playing the legend himself Freddie Mercury.

*Brian’s POV*

As I watched our genius little roadie chat up with the actors playing us, my mind kept going back to that hug she gave my look-alike.

“I know you saw that right, I mean I maybe blind as a fucking bat but I know my eyes didn’t deceive me on what I just saw.” Roger said as he came up to me.

“Your eyes do not lie Rog. I saw what you saw.”

“You know our girl doesn’t just hug any random guy.”

“Yep. And that shy little gleam in her eyes, dare I say I think our mini-Deacy is in love with my look alike.”

“Not to say I’m happy for her, but I feel like she could’ve chose better.” Roger teased.

“Oh shut it you old tart, you’re just jealous she didn’t pick your actor.”

“Nothing against yours, cause bloody hell it’s like I’m looking at you 30 years ago over there.” I softly chuckle. Yeah they definitely casted the perfect actor to play me, and seeing Gwilym with the wig on its…..mind boggling (although I had to slightly adjust the wig a bit) but other than that he was perfect. “So, shall we go and confront her about it?”

“Now hold on Rog, you know how she gets when she’s being fully confronted. She’ll completely shut down. Let’s—wait it out. See what happens, and then we’ll see if this is something to discuss with her. But it’ll be on my terms.”

“You just wanna suck the joy out of everything.” I shook my head at Roger’s statement before turning back towards (y/n) and Gwilym.  Seeing the two of them talking and laughing with each other warmed my heart.  Because ever since we’ve met her, (y/n) has been the best roadie we’ve ever had.  She’s always on top of every sound and light equipment we’ve got, she knows how Adam likes his speakers to sound and she’s even clever enough to see when I need a new string set on my guitars or when Roger’s kit needs a tuning because of a loose screw that might’ve happened while unloading.

But for whatever reason she sometimes puts herself down, claiming that she’s not all what we’ve both told her she is. That she’d rather just remain invisible, and I can understand some of her pain because I’ve been there myself with my own self-doubt and insecurities.  So I hope that if her and Gwilym do somehow manage to form a relationship, he could probably help her see that she is more than she seems.

*My POV*

After a couple weeks of being on set, Gwil and I were definitely spending a lot of time together and every time we got the chance to hang out, we’d talk about our lives or love of Queen.

“So you and Adam Lambert really knew each other that long?” he asked me.

“Yep. It just happened one day during lunch, I was the new kid in town and I feared no one wanted to hang out with me so I ended up eating in the courtyard by myself when Adam, all donned up with his green dyed stripped bangs introduced himself and we’ve been friends ever since.”

“So he was even extravagant even back then.”

“Yep. Then when we found out we both had a love for Queen, he refused to let me out of his life afterwards, cause I was the only friend he had that liked or even knew who Queen were.”

“Wait are you serious?”

“Dead serious. It’s hard to find people to talk about classic rock with when all they cared about was the rap music or Britney Spears. Or spice girls.”

“Wow.”

“So how did you come to know Queen’s music?”

“You’ll have to thank my old brother. He had basically almost every single Queen record there was, one day I heard him play Bohemian Rhapsody and I was curious. And I guess you could say the rest is history.”

“Well then your brother gets an A+ from me for good music taste.”

“So how is it touring with Queen and Adam?”

“Well I’ve toured with Adam for so long it just feels like a normal hang out day for us. Once he got the offer to tour with Queen themselves it was like not only meeting my role models but they became family to us. Brian and I have a common love for animals, so much so that I’ve become a daily donor to his SaveMe organization.”

“Hey Gwilym. They’re ready to start filming.” One of the producers came up.

“Well that’s my cue, see you after?”

“You bet.” We stood up and I went ahead and sat down at one of the chairs and watched as the guys did the performance for a Japan concert.  I’ll admit even with the 70’s silk/satin angel shirt that he was wearing, he still looked pretty handsome and he sure was a brilliant guitarist if I do say so myself.

“I see what you’re doing.” Adam’s sing-song voice whispered in my ear.  I came out of my daze and whispered to him.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh don’t play dumb with me dearie. I have eyes I’m not blind.” I shook my head and went back to paying attention to the guys now doing Brian’s song ’39.  I clapped along with the song and softly sung the words (cause out of every song Bri had written, this was definitely my #1 fav.)  When Dexter called cut, I suddenly felt myself being dragged away and soon found myself in a closet of sorts.

“Adam what the fuck is the matter with you?”

“Well would you rather talk about this out there where everyone can hear, potentially your secret lover too?” I immediately covered his mouth with my hand and I hissed at him as I shushed him.

“Shh! Shh! Speak louder why don’t you I don’t think they heard all the way from Glasgow!” I then retracted my hand in disgust as I felt him actually lick my palm. “Why must you do that?”

“Cause I know it annoys you.” He shrugged.

“You can be such an asshole sometimes Lambert.”

“Yeah but you always stick around me dearie.” He said smugly as he leaned up against the wall of the closet crossing his arms. “Now as I was saying back there, you’re really starting to get attached to Brian’s mini-him aren’t you?”

“No!” I snapped abruptly.  He quirked his brow at me before I cleared my throat and said. “No, we’re just friends is all Adam. In fact if you keep going down this path, I might just replace you with him.”

“That hurts (n/n), that really hurts.” He mocked in pain as he placed his hand over his heart and gave me the puppy dog pout. “But girl c’mon for realzies, what’s up with you?”

“Nothing is up, okay can you just drop it? Now if you’ll excuse me Gwilym and I are due for a coffee break.” I walked out of the closet and stormed out trying to get my mind off of what Adam was hinting.  As I was walking, I soon came up to Gwilym and when he saw me he smiled and I tried to calm my anger down as I approached him calmly.

“You okay (y/n)?”

“Yeah, yeah why would you say that?”

“Just—for a moment it looked like you were pissed at something.”

“Oh nothing you need to worry about, so you free for some coffee and catering? I know you’ve got a long day ahead of you, might not be a bad idea to have a good lunch.”

“Great because I had to skip breakfast when my alarm failed to wake me up this morning.”

“Well then we better hurry. We need food stat, can’t have one of the four Queen members perform on an empty belly.” We then raced over towards the catering and got us some food and coffee.

When we got it and was now walking through the studio where they were now setting up the Madison Square Garden set just opposite of where the Japan stage was earlier this morning.

“Wait so that actually happened?” asked Gwilym.

“He tries to deny it and blames it on the poor lighting the camera had but don’t be fooled. His son Rufus told me the whole story of how it happened.”

“I can’t believe he made his hair green.”

“His hair was already blonde as it was, he’s lucky it didn’t make his hair bleach blonde.”

“Well that’s not as funny as Joe thinking he’ll be able to wash out that perm he got.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa he thinks what now?”

“Yeah Joe thinks that in the next week or two it’s gonna grow out and go back to normal.”

“Oh my god Joey!” I laughed.

“Like just the other night we were all out in the pub the four of us and he was chatting away to a girl with his Yankees cap on. So I went up and flipped the hat off and said as I pointed to his hair ‘he’s got a perm’!” I couldn’t help but laugh hysterically.

“You are so bad.”

“Yeah. Bad wingman but good friend.” I continued laughing which turned into giggles.

“Ahh Joey, Joey, Joey, Joey.”

“GAHH SON OF A BITCH!!!” we both heard someone call out.

“Uh-oh.” I said as Gwil and I looked at each other and set out stuff aside on a nearby table before racing across the studio and I asked. “What happened?”

“Damn circuits in these lights shocked me and now I can barely feel my hand anymore.” Said one of the light engineers.

“Okay, okay here let me see it.” I walked up to him and held his hand in both of mine.  There was some slight swelling but I thankfully no serious burn marks. “Well good news is, is that there’s no serious burn marks. But it is swollen red. I suggest some ice and rest for the rest of the day. And get a medic to check out your reflexes in case the shock might’ve nulled your muscles.”

“But we need another light technician to help us raise these lights for the Madison Square Garden set.” Said a female volunteer.

“You’re looking at your spare one. Besides I’ve spent my whole life with Roger and Brian to know how they want MSG to look. Now, what’s your name?” I turned to the guy who got shocked.

“Arnold.”

“Arnold, go see a medic about your injury and take the rest of the day off. Anyone asks or has a problem with it, send them my way, okay?”

“Okay, thank you.” He said with a slight smile before heading out to the medics trailer.

“Okay now what exactly are we dealing with here?” I asked the seven other light technicians.

“Well we’re trying to make sure all these lights intersect with each other so that they can change colors like they do at the real MSG. Arnold was working on the main circuit board to work the code in when it backfired and you heard what happened as the result.”

“Okay well first things first it could’ve been prevented if he were wearing gloves, rookie mistake.” I then took out my gloves that I always keep on me in my back pocket and put them on. “Goggles.” I said as I extended my arm out and someone handed me some spare goggles.  Once I had them on I proceeded to work.

I called out for various equipment pieces like the 4 in 1 Podger rachet, a Leatherman supertool, and some batteries. Once I had the main board opened I began working on finding the loose circuit that probably caused Arnold’s shocking surprise because that needed to be fixed immediately.

Using a mini-flashlight I managed to find the area and found the problem.

“Okay I see the problem. Can someone hold the flashlight for me?”

“I got it.” Said one of the female volunteers as she came up and took the flashlight from me and I went right to work on the wires, making sure they were tucked in correctly and un exposed.  It took some time but by the end of it all, I punched the code that was needed for the lights to turn on.

“There, that should do it.” I said as I took my gloves off and removed my goggles.

“Okay boys raise her up!” called the main lighting technician and soon the lights were raised up.  Then using his phone, he activated the lights and they soon began shining into a red and blue pattern that would go along with the orange, yellow and green pattern.  The light technicians clapped and thanked me for the assistance and when I turned to Gwil, he just had this awed look on his face.

“Sorry you had to see that. Whenever I hear a technical problem I just gotta jump in.”

“Well I’m glad you did. I was amazed to see how you were able to work all that out.”

“Oh it’s not that hard. All I had to do was just tighten the circuits and then replace the batteries while also—oh there I go again. My tech ramblings again, sorry if I’m boring you Gwilym you don’t need to hear all that.”

“No, no, no it’s genius. I mean back when I was doing theater in secondary and university, I never really had a good grasp on the tech theater side of it even though I was trying my best.”

“Not everyone does. I was the only one who took the class seriously back in high school. Everyone else rather just look at their magazines or porno books. Don’t ask me how they snuck it in.”

“Wow, well thankfully they had you to take it seriously.”

“Uh-huh.” I said sadly as I looked down and rubbed my wrist nervously.

“(Y/n)?”

“Hmm?”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just—thinking back.”

“Anything you’d…..like to share? I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

“Thank Gwilym but I don’t wanna bore you with my life. C’mon let’s get back to our food before you’re needed on set again.” I said as I walked away and went back to my donuts and Cinnabons.  Gwil followed behind me and began to eat his celery and carrots as well as drinking his coffee, as we ate I tried my best to avoid eye contact with him up until I finished my things and tossed them in the bin before heading out.

Making an excuse that Bri and Rog had texted me saying that they wanted to talk about the lighting and sound for their next concert.

Later that night as everyone was packing up to do some of the outdoor scenes like Adam’s big cameo appearance, I found myself standing away from the set just staring up at the night sky.

“Penny for your thoughts?” I looked up to see Gwil coming by to sit beside me in the spare chair where Adam was just sitting at before he went to hair and makeup.

“Just—taking in the sky.” He looked up and he said.

“It’s a full moon out tonight.”

“Yep. The one time for a straight week where the tides are stronger and can sometimes have an effect on the human mind.”

“Quite the philosopher you are.”

“Well I did minor in it in college. My major was in electrical engineering.”

“So not only good with your hands but also a brilliant mind in philosophy as well. No wonder why Brian calls you the mini-Deacy.” I smiled briefly.

“The reason why I know about the full moon is because of him. He did give me a little lecture on astronomy. But I’d be lying if I didn’t have a fascination with space already. Just—never could understand the specific science talk it came with.”

“I hear yah. When I was a kid; my brother and I would go out to the backyard and we’d just look up at the stars and make as many pictures with them as we could. Sometimes we even stayed out all night. Worried my mum to no end.”

“I think it’d worry me too if my kids ended up staying outside in the cold night with no blankets or a tent to sleep in.” we turned to look at each other and once again Gwil had this awed look on his face, just like he did this afternoon. “What is it?”

“Nothing it’s just…..” he trailed off.

“Just what?”

“Your eyes.”

“M—my eyes?”

“They….they sparkle underneath the moonlight. Almost like they were two stars themselves.” I was speechless.  I felt my heart race and my face beginning to heat up.  I turned away probably blushing as red as an apple right now.  I felt Gwil’s hand gently go on top of mine, before intertwining them together which made me look up at him.  It was then I saw him lean closer towards me, his forehead pressing against mine while his nose gently brushed up against mine.

At this point I could hear my heart racing in my ears as the smell of his cologne sent me into a hypnotic state.  I felt his hand cup the side of my face as he faintly whispered.

“So beautiful.” But just before he could kiss me, Joe’s voice could be heard from a mile away.

“YO GWIL WHERE ARE YAH!? WE’RE ABOUT TO START FILMING!!!”

“If this is payback for the pub he’s so gonna get it.” I heard him mutter angrily.  He turned back towards me and he said, “Sorry love.”

“It’s okay.” I strained out. “Just, just, just, just go film your scenes for the night.” I said as I crossed my arms over me protectively and looked down.  I couldn’t look at him, I just couldn’t find the strength to do so.  I then heard him walk away and that’s when the tears started pouring down.

I took off running to the nearest place I could find.  I didn’t even bother to look and see what it was, all I wanted to know was that I could be alone and that I could cry to myself in peace.  I collapsed to the floor on my butt and tucked my legs up into my chest and began to softly cry.

I don’t know how long I was crying in wherever I was for but it was then I heard the door open and soon coming in was Adam and Rami.

“(Y/n)?” Adam said surprised.  I felt myself being torn down as I had finally been revealed. I must’ve came into the hair and makeup trailer and now that they were probably calling it quits, everyone would soon come in and see me crying my eyes out.

“(Y/n) you okay?” Rami asked.

“Hey uhh Rami could you give us a moment alone? Maybe guard the door so that no one comes in just yet?”

“Yeah, yeah sure thing.” I heard the door shut and that’s when I saw Adam sit down in front of me.  I looked up at him to see him in the truck driver get up with the full beard and long haired wig.

“You were right. Okay you wanna hear me say it Adam Lambert?! You were right! I’m in love with Gwilym Lee!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa okay. Okay. Calm down, calm down.” He said as he cautiously reached forward and gently gripped my arms in his hands. “I’m happy you finally came to terms with it dearie, that’s great news actually. But what’s got you so upset?”

“For Christ sake Adam tell me you didn’t forget about the bullying I had to endure all throughout middle and high school! And Jared!” at the mention of the boy’s name his eyes widened and he said.

“Okay hold on, wait just a damn second. Gwilym is nowhere near what that dick Jared was. I’ve seen the two of you together and he makes you happier way more than what Jared did.”

“Well Jared made me happy until he did what he did!” I looked down at my knees and continued lowly, “Oh Adam. I thought I could just keep up a friendship with Gwilym, but now I—” I trailed off as more sobs came up my throat as I choked out, “Now I…..I wish I never came here!” I then broke down once more.

I felt Adam sit close beside me before he wrapped his arms around me bringing me into his chest and kissing my forehead as he rubbed my back in soothing circles and stroked down my hair.

Once I calmed down after what felt like crying all night, Adam took me out of the trailer and already I could see a crowd of people including Gwil standing around asking all sorts of questions at seeing me.

“Guys please. No questions are necessary and please don’t ask me because I won’t answer them either. What was said in the trailer stays between (y/n) and me.” Adam made a clear statement before finally taking me away to find Brian or Roger.

When we finally came across Roger, he soon got protective and asked.

“What happened?”

“Roger could you just take (y/n) back to the hotel, I’ll explain later.”

“Alright, come with me lovie.” I was soon switched out from Adam’s arms to Roger’s and he guided me towards his car.  He helped me into the backseat where I could hide away while he drove us back to the hotel.

I was now in my room lying on my bed hiding under the blankets after just spending a long time under the hot water trying to get rid of the memories of Jared.

You see—I had met Jared during the first collaboration with Adam and Queen.  He was actually one of Brian’s roadies and helped set up all of Brian’s AMPS.  We had a common love for electronics and gradated with the same major even being an ocean apart.  We shortly began dating afterwards and were madly in love.

But when a serious accident caused him to take an early retirement from being on the road since the damage had been done to his lower back.  Which left me to go on the road with Queen and Adam, but we still kept in touch.

Fast forward to just a year ago after four years of dating, I began to wonder if there was gonna be a future with the two of us together.  So one day after we had gotten done with a tour, I get a text from Jared saying that the next night he wanted to meet me at the very restaurant where we had our first official date at.  Adam of course was thrilled thinking that a proposal was in the horizon so he helped me get dolled up the next morning (even with him being completely jetlagged) and I met Jared at our restaurant.

I was trembling with anxiety but also with joy. He took my hand, looked deep into my eyes and that’s when he dropped the bombshell, but it wasn’t what you’d think it was.  Jared had confessed to me in our restaurant where we had our first date, along with many others that he had been cheating on me.

But not just with one woman, not two, not three, but lots of women.  All in the entire span we had been dating.

I refused to listen to anything else he had to say as he tried to defend himself.  But no that’s not the worst part, the worst part of it was, was that the following day (after crying in Adam’s arms all day), Jared came to the stage where Queen and Adam were performing in London and tried to win me back. Saying that it was just a fluck and that he still loved me with all his heart.

He’d constantly tried to call or text me over 100 times a day.  The harassment went on for months till finally I had a restraining order put against him and if he should violate it in the state of England, he’d be arrested. To which he was and was sentenced to five years in jail for refusal to obey the restraining order as well as stalking (yeah he’d stalk me cross country during some of the tours and even snuck backstage and confronted me with arms open and tears rolling down his face).

Ever since then, I’d been afraid to love again because what if they end up being another Jared.  Charming, sweet, noble, funny and charismatic, but the second I turn my back he’d go and sleep with half the women in America. And then make me to be the bad guy because I couldn’t give them a chance to explain why he had to cheat.

I heard a knock at the door and I could only groan as my door soon opened and I felt three separate dips around my bed.

“Adam told us (y/n).” Brian’s voice said. I groaned and buried myself into my pillow.

“You know you’ll suffocate yourself if you do that.” Adam said.

“Better that than dealing with this bitch.” I groaned pitifully.

“C’mon (n/n), come out from under there and look at us.” Roger said. I shot up and glared at him and said.

“There, happy? Goodnight!” before I could collapse back down onto the bed, Adam held me up and trapped me in his arms as he said.

“Stay out here.”

“(Y/n). We know that—you know who really hurt you.” Brian started off.

“Hurt doesn’t even come close to how I felt the day he told me that. God never did I want to kill someone until that day.”

“I don’t blame you, none of us do.” Adam said as he rubbed my back. “But you can’t let what Jared did affect you for the rest of your life.”

“Think it’s already a little too late for that.”

“No it’s not. Because look at what you’ve accomplished since his arrest. The only guys you had a close connection with are me and the guys. Now you’ve become friends with Rami, Ben, Joe and Gwil. And what’s even greater is that you’ve come to accept that you’re starting to have feelings for Gwil.” Adam said.  I looked down and I said.

“How do I know it’ll work out? What if it’s like Jared all over again?”

“You’ll never know unless you go for it.” Roger said. I looked between the three of them but didn’t answer.

“The choice is up to you (y/n). Just make sure that whatever you do decide, you won’t regret it. And just listen to your heart. We’ll support you no matter what you choose.” Brian said as he placed a comforting hand to my shoulder.  I nodded and thanked the guys as they brought me into a group hug.

The next morning I came onto set for the last time (since Adam was done with his cameo, he was needed back at the studio to promote some of his solo stuff, and as his SM manager I needed to be there to spread the word) to confront Gwilym and finally let go of the past (if I could).

I walked around the set till I finally found the person I was searching for.  He was fiddling around with a mock Red special practicing before he would have to film the ‘We will rock you’ scene.  I took a deep breath in before exhaling out and walked towards him.

“Hey Gwil?” he looked up at me and said.

“(Y/n). You’re—you’re still here. I thought you and Adam already left?”

“No, not till tomorrow. I uhh—I wanted to talk to you. About……” I trailed off and that’s when he stood up setting the guitar down and finished my thought.

“About last night?” I nodded. He sighed heavily as he pressed his hands to his face, “I’m really sorry (y/n). I never meant to upset, I was impulsive and stupid to do that. Can we just forget what happened? I was way out of line.”

“Actually Gwilym I—I have something to confess. But can we talk somewhere privately?”

“Of course, we can talk in my trailer. If you’re comfortable with that.” I nodded and soon the two of us headed towards his trailer.

When we got there, he closed the door and I sat down on his sofa while he sat down at one of his chairs and said.

“Okay (y/n), what is it you need to confess?” my leg was bouncing up and down as I tried to formulate the words that I was about to tell him.  I felt the familiar sting of tears in my eyes.

“God I’m sorry.” I choked out.

“No, no, no never feel sorry about this. Please take your time.”

“Last night I—I wasn’t upset because of the, well the about to be kiss. In fact I—I wanted to kiss you too.”

“But.” He stated knowing that I had something else to add on.

“There’s a—reason why I’m so insecure about myself. And—why I haven’t been in a relationship.” I then proceeded to tell him everything.  From the bullies at school, to Jared’s story and how badly he had hurt me. Used me. Treated me like trash.  By the end of it all, Gwil was leaning up against his chair with a heavy expression.

“That son of a—bloody hell. (Y/n) I—I’m so, so sorry you had to go through that hell.”

“Brian, Roger and Adam made it easier on me. After his arrest they allowed me to take some time off from the rest of the tour that I was dealing with to decompress from all that stress. I thought I would never love someone ever again. Until……I met you.” I admitted the last part shyly.

“You—you love me?”

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I just—had to get it off my chest. So if I’ve made things awkward between us now, I’m sorry. We don’t have to see each other again.”

“(Y/n), (y/n) (y/n) (y/n) (y/n), (y/n).” Gwil came up and knelt in front of me and held my face in his hands. “Sorry you were starting to ramble on so much I could barely understand you.”

“Sorry. Adam always said I did that whenever I get to anxious. Bad trait of mine.”

“No worries love. Now to put your fears and anxiety aside, I want to tell you that I felt the same way about you. After spending these last few weeks together, I came to know the real you and not just through the stories from Brian and Roger. But now hearing this story, which I commend you for telling me. I know you didn’t have to tell me but you did. And I could go on and on about my feelings for you but to summarize it all up, if you’ll give me a chance. I’ll show you that not all men are like that selfish arsehole. I can be the man you deserve. The one who will treat you right, like you’re the only women left on Earth.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“The only girl I’ll love as much as you is my mum.” I smiled and pressed my forehead against Gwil’s and softly thanked him. “I promise (y/n). You’ll be my clever girl.”

“Think I like the sound of that.”

“Well you better get used to it, because there will be a lot of cute little nicknames in the future.”

“Just as long as you don’t give me any cheesy ones like bunny, or cupcake, or turtledove.”

“Spoil sport. And those were the first three I was thinking of.” I softly laughed as a true genuine smile came across my face. “And there’s that beautiful smile that makes me week at the knees. Next to your eyes, your smile is the brightest thing about you.”

“Gwil stop it you’re making me blush.” He softly chuckled before slowly leaning his lips towards mine and he gave me a soft kiss. When I felt that sudden bolt of electricity shoot up my spine, I knew that Gwil was definitely going to be different than Jared.  Even with that soft peck, there was so much passion and love in it that Jared never brought me.

I leaned forward and captured his lips once more, this time brushing my fingers through his short brown hair as I felt his arms slowly wrap further around me.

This was gonna be an adjustment in the days to come. After coming out of the relationship I had, I knew there would be some doubts in the future, especially with Gwil and I having separate careers always being a part from each other (me more than him) but I felt in my bones that when he made that promise earlier, he meant it.

And I was proven right that within 2 years shortly after the Bohemian Rhapsody premiere, I got a proposal right there at the red carpet.

[bau-rookie]

5x02 and 5x03 Hotch thoughts

im new and have very little info on what happens in future seasons, though i know i’ll have to deal with inevitable cast changes. im gonna try to guess what happens/say what i’d like to see for fun and compare down the road. im probably setting myself up for disappointment but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

also just want to get these Hotch thoughts out of my head so i can go back to thinking about Emily Prentiss

s5 spoilers below the cut:

so cast changes are something that looms over my head as i watch this show. the show has set precedence that if an actor leaves the show, they do their best to wrap up their character’s arc with some sort of ending.

Elle’s stint on the show was pretty brief and her departure felt abrupt, but they did try to give it meaning. With Gideon’s they probably had more leeway and time to make something that made sense for a veteran profiler who was at the core of some of the best episodes and toughest cases (Frank).

after 5x02 it’s clear that Hotch and Foyet will simmer in the background for most of the season and build-up to some finale episode (maybe even a two-parter).

however, it’s in 5x03 that i got the sinking feeling that they were laying the groundwork for a Hotch exit from the show.

And all from that conversation with Rossi.

What’s really hard to see from this Foyet business is Hotch actually distancing himself from the BAU—the one thing he consistently refers to and treats like family.

This is the same guy who said “[the team’s] not supposed to keep secrets from each other” in earlier seasons. Who was hard on Rossi when he first joined because he was going at it alone instead of working with the team.

Who, when JJ’s pregnancy got out, was so, so happy for her that he couldn’t stop smiling but was also mildly offended and said, “You could’ve told me.”

Who, when going through a very private thing like a divorce, could’ve brushed the whole thing aside but instead said, “I just got served.” Divorce papers. In his own workplace. He really didn’t have to, and in-character it’d make sense if he didn’t, but he did.

So for 5x02 to come around and have Hotch essentially go rogue and put himself in danger because “he’s got nothing left to lose.” Like... that’s how badly Foyet is getting to him. This was a man so devoted to his work because any collateral damage only really affected him. But now that other people, people he deeply loves, are in danger because of it, he’s actually losing sight of what the BAU represented to him. He’s doing the work, sure, but he’s focusing on his failures and not letting himself being human because that’s what caused all the failures in first place. and in turn he’s pushing away his only other family in the process.

(This is also what makes Emily staying by his side to remind him that he’s not alone so good. She mirroring what he always preaches, that the team is also family, the team has your back. Esp. meaningful since Hotch was extra hard on her and made her feel somewhat of an outsider when she first joined.)

Which brings me back to the conversation with Rossi.

Rossi’s a man who’s (sadly) used to being on his own. He put his career above his own personal happiness, because he believes in his work much like Hotch does. But he’s haunted by the what ifs, regrets not having the space to have a family outside of work. Thinks it’s too late for him now. (which is why him joining the BAU kinda for selfish reasons and him finding a different kind of family instead is so nice)

He basically tells Hotch: “Don’t make my mistakes, kid.”

And, for what might actually be the first time, i think Hotch considers leaving the BAU of his own accord. No suspension involved. Not because he doesn’t believe in the work anymore. And definitely not because he doesn’t care about the rest of the team anymore either.

But because what he’s going through—and what Haley and Jack have to go through too— makes him think that maybe, putting himself and his happiness first, is nothing less than what he deserves.

There were probably other ways Hotch could’ve gotten to this point besides Being filled with a single-minded hatred for a serial killer that went out his way to personally traumatize him and target his family.

In an ideal world, Hotch doesn’t have to choose between his actual family and his BAU family. but if he does, his team would happily send him on his merry way after they finally bring down Foyet. Because they know the work isn’t more important than Hotch himself.

But now (really only because of this scene with Rossi) i want nothing less for Hotch to not only best Foyet, but to walk away from it all—hang his BAU badge, maybe rebuild things with Haley, but definitely get to be a dad to Jack, be there as he grows up and finally be happy. Because Hotch deserves it.

tl;dr: i hope Hotch’s conversation with Rossi in 5x03 means something and sticks in some way. if Hotch is leaving within the season (i hope not but im bracing for the possibility) anything less than Hotch retiring and riding off into the sunset to rebuild his family will make me extremely upset. LET THE SAD BOSSMAN BE HAPPY EVENTUALLY PLS.

[phoenix43song]

My Reviews and Thoughts on Little Women and the Many Adaptations

To start off I have been reading the Little Women series since I was 8 I think, and I’ve been watching the 1994 version since I was 6. It wasn’t until recently that I finally watched the 1949 and the modern 2018 adaptations ( I watched the  BBC/PBS mini series last year, and I do re-watch it every now and then). I still have to watch the 1933 version, which I plan to do when I find the time. I have also been re-reading the books because I am excited for Greta Gerwig’s adaptation even though I am not a fan of some of the stuff she’s been saying about a couple of the characters (but some of my fears have been relieved! Yeah!). In this long post I will post my thoughts on the novel(s) themselves, Louisa, and the adaptations that I have seen. 

I will start with the one I am very familiar with: the 1994 version! I have loved this movie since the first time I watched it. It’s a tradition to watch it multiple of times around the Christmas season with my mom, and every now and then I will watch it whenever I feel like it. Since I graduated as a theatre and film student watching films and analyzing characters, their world, decisions, the themes and motifs have been really eye opening. I’ve been devouring books since I was a kid, trying to write my own novels, and I’ve made a couple of short films. When it comes to adapting a screenplay from a book there are a lot of decisions to be made: what to keep, what to cut, what to condense, does the order of things need to be changed, and what original creative content can we put in? 1994 is a really, really good adaptation of the novel, with some minor flaws, a questionable original content decision, and how the screenwriter and director put Louisa into Jo. The cinematography and music is gorgeous, the house looks lived in, and the whole atmosphere screams late American 19h century. 

The acting, for the most part, is right on character and Winona did such a great job as Jo! Trini did wonderful a Meg and I liked how we got more of Meg because she’s important too. Claire Danes was a fabulous Beth (though she looks older than 14; I always thought she was 16 or 17...), while Kirsten did a fun, spoiled Amy...but she did ham it up a bit too much at times. Samantha...I did not like one bit as older Amy. Laurie was great in the first 2/3 of the movie but once he hit Europe I didn’t like how they [tried] to develop his character. His romance with Amy fell flat, which I was sad to see. Gabriel was a really good Fritz...I just didn’t like how they made them date while Jo was in New York. I understand it because the proposal at the end of the movie makes it really romantic, but the whole purpose of Jo/Fritz and Jo falling in love was that she was blind to it: she falling in love with a man. They start off as boarding house neighbors, then student/teacher, which quickly turns into friendship of equals, and it’s not until Jo is at home missing Fritz that she begins to realize her feelings. And when Fritz comes to court Jo she blushes! Despite this I’m a sucker for romance and still love Jo/Fritz despite my feelings on the adaptation choices. Marmee and Aunt March were on point and I loved how the actresses were their characters. 

Now moving onto the 2017 mini series. I like this adaptation, and have watched it a few times, but there are things that just bug me and drive me crazy, and moments that I love. This is the only adaptation that does not have have Jo’s plays or the Pickwick society. I hate this and it was a poor adaptation choice in my opinion. This series really should have been at least 6 episodes and not the measly 3 that it was. Despite this the series did include moments from the book that either haven’t been adapted before, or it was just mentioned. I love how we see Beth get the courage to go to Mr. Lawerence to play the piano and their relationship. They really should have gotten a young Amy and an older looking Beth: the girls look the same age from episode 1 to 3, which especially doesn’t work for Amy. Maya did a good Jo and it’s actually impressive for her first screen role, but she did lack some of Jo’s qualities (she is way better as Robin in Stranger Things). Emily did a good job as Marmee. Anne was another really great Beth, and I have to say her freckles seem to give the character substance. Kate’s Amy was good but like Elizabeth Taylor in the 1949 version, she was not believable as young Amy. (I’ve heard Florence Pugh is amazing and a scene stealer but even if she can act like young Amy (and based on the clips she can), her womanly body will not let her be believable).

I like how Beth’s kittens made a lot of screen time (I love kittens!) and how they did the Hummel’s house: it was just like how the book described it. All of those little children did a great job at looking hungry, cold, and scared. Makes me wonder about Mrs. Hummel’s husband (I need to find that part and re-read it). I loved how the included Camp Laurie, Cousin Flo, and Laurie trying to kiss Jo. The wedding between Meg and John Brooke was sweet, esp Aunt March giving her the pearls. I crack each time I see Aunt March’s parrot (was that in the book? Man I haven’t gotten far into my re-reading of the whole book; it’s been awhile), and how we got to see how close Jo and Beth are. They tried their best in portraying Amy/Laurie, and Mark Stanley as Fritz: he was Fritz from the book! (He looks a lot younger without that bushy beard though; that’s the one thing about Fritz I can’t stand haha). It’s too bad that Jo/Fritz was so rushed in episode 3: their relationship and Fritz was barely developed. (Though they did include a lot from the book like the Weekly Volcano and Jo’s poem that brought Fritz to her). Laurie in general was not Laurie; maybe in the Laurie who wants to play all the time but that’s it. Not Laurie. 

Now onto the 1949 version. I fell in love with this adaptation, flaws and all. It was very charming, had some great acting, however a lot happened off screen, some characters/moments were rushed, and I can’t believe June was 31 years old! And that Elizabeth Taylor was pregnant. It doesn’t bother me that they made Beth the youngest because Margaret did such a fabulous job as Beth. I loved all other scenes, her relationship with Jo and Mr. Lawerence in particular. This is the only version I’ve seen where the sisters buy Marmee gifts with their 1 dollar bill, and I liked how it was  a surprise and quite moment. The actress who played Marmee was amazing and Aunt March cracked me up. I didn’t care for Laurie in this version either. And like I said with the 2017 mini series: they really needed to have an actress play young Amy. Elizabeth did a really good job, don’t get me wrong, but she definitely seemed way older. The hot Italian actor as Fritz was sure an interesting choice. I wish they would’ve just made Fritz Italian and just changed his name slightly (I believe Greta made Fritz French in her version since Louis Garrel is French), and I also wish he could’ve been in the movie more! Since he was close in age to June I just wanted to see them on screen more. Yes he doesn’t look one bit like Fritz in the book, and call me shallow, but I honestly don’t care in this version. Back then - and sadly to this day - Hollywood cares about looks. That’s why I love Mark Stanly as Fritz in the 2017 because he physically is Fritz. But still...anyways I am going slightly off topic. 

So. The 2018 modern adaptation. This should have either been a Hallmark movie or a Netflix movie. This movie should have never been released theatrically and that’s why it bombed horrible. I mean it bombed horribly in a lot of aspects and areas, but it does have some great scenes! It’s all in the detail. They have their castle’s in the sky for one. All of Jo’s plays and the Pickwick society and how it changed to be of a platoon. I just love the attic scenes in this movie. I also love how Jo is writing fantasy stories and a fantasy novel and it’s sad that she can’t be taken seriously because there are great fantasy novelists! Tolkien, JK Rowling, G RR Martin for example. That really bothered me. I do like how Fritz is an actual professor at a university and becomes Jo’s editor and mentor, how that develops into friendship, but to me the romance aspect of their relationship falls flat somewhat. I like how they had a younger Amy and an older Amy, but I honestly got confused at first because there were younger versions of all the sisters (and it’s unbelievable that three of them would look the same with the 13 year gap). This version did a flashback style so it will be interesting to see how Greta did hers. The editing for this movie was all over the place and chaotic. I didn’t like Lucas as Laurie one bit, I get how they would go to parties but I hated those scenes (it was a good wake up call for Meg though). Beth fell short in this movie and so did Amy to an extent. You don’t really get to know John Brooke, or even their Marmee all that much. And really, Marmee? In a modern adaptation they should’ve just stuck with Mom. I did like how Jo buzzed her hair off in support of Beth (there is a good graphic novel that came out recently that’s set in the modern world and there are few similar choices. There’s also a book called Meg and Jo - Amy and Beth will come out later next year - that makes some interesting choices to say the least when adapting the novel into modern times. Anyways...), and how they had their father over seas in the army. I honestly need to watch this movie again to really critique it, but I honestly think it could’ve been a great movie...the script needed more rewrites, it needed a director who knew what they were doing, a better editor, and honestly some better actors. The potential was there, it has it moments, but it fell. 

To conclude this rather blog like post (and kudos to all who have read the whole thing) I will take just a little bit on my views on Louisa herself and Greta’s version. Louisa didn’t want to write a book for children, and when she did she wrote a semi-autobiographical novel that she leaves on a cliff hanger. In my mind she meant to continue the story, but she wanted to see what the reader’s thought. She did put the story out of her mind for awhile, until the book had to go into reprints and she got hounded with fan mail and fans in general. Yes she didn’t want Jo to marry because she herself never did (from what I’ve read she did have one sided crushes and probably a few second romances that didn’t last long, but she also never saw herself as desirable; she comes across to be as maybe being aromatic asexual, demisexual, or bi). She was a bit of Germanophile, along with Europe in general, and that’s why from the first few pages of LW there’s German everywhere. Which this means that Friedrich Bhaer was probably planned in one way or another. Louisa never wanted Jo to be with Laurie because they were close like siblings and loved each other that way. Laurie thought himself in love with Jo, but Jo does bring up good points: they would quarrel and end up being unhappy because he honestly didn’t like her scribbling. Amy makes Laurie grow up and those two match each other perfectly. Fritz is a perfect match for Jo because he treats her like an equal, he helps with her writing, and she gets to be apart of a society she loves. 

I have been relieved from my fears (for the most part) about how Fritz will be portrayed and the Jo/Fritz romance. We do meet him right away since we start in the present before going back and forth between past and present until the timelines match up. Greta is the only person to adapt the New Year’s Dance, which I am really excited to see. I haven’t been told if Fritz’s nephews are mentioned or seen. I know he gives her advice, but not if he teaches her his language (which I assume to be French in this version), that they do get into a fight, and that he comes to court her at her house. I was worried the umbrella proposal scene was going to be changed, but I’ve been told it’s in and it’s romantic. And then there’s Amy/Laurie! I am so glad that this relationship seems to be fully developed. I can’t wait to see everyone as their character and how Greta did the back and forth. 

I am worried though about a few things: how if one isn’t familiar with the story they get confused at first with the back and forth, some of the costume choices, the acting in certain scenes, some scenes or moment being cut or condensed for time because this is a movie not a mini series, and I just wish that Fritz - Louis - could’ve been in the trailers more with more promotion. I understand why...at least Louis understands his character. Greta mentioned something that Fritz basically had to be a prize to be won and oh boy: no one is a prize to be won. And putting a lot of Louisa into Jo...I’m worried about that. Sure the 1994 version had  a Louisa quote that Jo’s says about voting, but this seems like it might be too hammered in. I guess once I see the film I will finally know (and write my review and thoughts), because I can read all the critic reviews, interviews, Q and A’s I want but it’s up to me on whether or not I’ll like it or love, and I sure hope I’ll love it. 

The is the end. Thanks for reading. Let me know your thoughts. 

[gentleroads]

1, 2, 11 and 15 if you’re still taking asks for the identity ask meme?

My core interests are so different each & every week, so it’s kinda hard to pin me down to a few categories imo. But because you took the time to ask me, I would gladly answer these questions for you hdkdjdk💖💖💕

(under a read more for ask length) (x)

1. if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?

So many things… Not necessarily my favorites, but these feel like me somehow.

THEY WOULD READ:

my natal chart. Honestly, I know astrology’s a pseudo-science - you can’t actually prove what’s true or not - but I deeply feel like my signs are accurate to my personality.☀️🌙

(Virgo sun means I’m a perfectionist, kind, & smart. Aries moon means I have a childish outlook & am quick-tempered, moody. Capricorn rising means I take things seriously & am image-conscious, but have a sense of humor still. I’m also Libra & Aquarius dominant, which means that I mostly seek balance in my life & relationships, but I come off as distant, too. Libra is also home in Venus, or the planet of love, so I naturally interpret things through a romantic lens.)

interactive fiction🥺🥺🙏🏼

esp. The Wayhaven Chronicles & Creatures Such As We

Greek myths (esp. “Eurydice & Orpheus”, “Psyche & Eros”) & fairytales

a lot of poetry & web-weaving about the human connection

my about page, lol

THEY WOULD WATCH:

(youtube) Jubilee, WIRED, Try Guys, vine compilations

Jubilee: Middle Ground, but Seeking Secrets hits me in a way no other videos have

WIRED: Technique Critique

Try Guys: I just like them? I think they’re hilarious & I enjoy watching guys being guys & having fun.

(movies) To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, A Silent Voice, The Edge of Seventeen, Mean Girls

(tv shows) The Good Place, The End of the F***ing World (more s2 than s1 in content), Black Mirror s1e3, Queer Eye s3e7 (24:03)

(comedians) John Mulaney, Mitch Hedberg, Trevor Noah, Bo Burnham, Catherine Tate

Team Starkid’s Starship musical

THEY WOULD LISTEN TO…

…both sides of a story before coming to a decision.

…these songs, which I listed in the order I thought made them sound the nicest:

Lower Your Expectations - Bo Burnham

Someone To You - BANNERS

Pardon Me - He Is We

Memories - Thutmose

Last Words of a Shooting Star - Mitski

Learn Me Right - Birdy, Mumford & Sons

Liability - Lorde

Do I Wanna Know - Hozier

Give Me Love - Ed Sheeran

A Thousand And One Nights - Starkid

Can’t Handle This - Bo Burnham

2. have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?

Yes, actually! Sylvia Plath, Franz Kafka, & E.E. Cummings wrote in ways that completely agree with me. Most everything they wrote, I could find myself in it.

11. describe your ideal day.

My ideal day would be super chill - it just involves a ton of relaxing. I’m wearing comfortable clothes & am hanging out with people I like (friends/family). We can go somewhere new or stay where it’s familiar. We eat together & tell stories that make each other laugh. We watch a theatre performance/tv show/movie.

15. five most influential books over your lifetime.*

NatGeo’s Weird But True! debut book

This little book jumpstarted my intense craving for any & all trivia. I read it, cover to cover, in elementary school & would spew the relevant ones during class. Since then, I’ve kinda just had a reputation for knowing things.

a book filled with Grimm’s fairytales

I learned about love through fairytales. It was actually the illustration accompanying “Rapunzel” that made a shiver run up my spine. I couldn’t have been older than 10. I stared & felt wonder, & I believe that love is good & rewarding.

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

A surprisingly engaging novel. IIRC Shelley wrote it when she was my age & I had to read it for class. It opened my eyes to the idea of taking responsibility for the creation/guidance of life & education. (Also, apparently, there has always a literary struggle between man vs. God. Wack.)

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

I’ll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson

^ These two explored the concept of soul mates & how we determine how our lives unfold - if that makes sense? Like, choosing what to do with ourselves in a moment & then dealing with whatever follows from that.

-

*I feel like books haven’t influenced me as much as just talking to people has. I like to watch the interviews of creatives & behind-the-scenes clips because I’ll never know as much about a certain topic as said creative does. I am genuinely interested in knowing what anyone says always.

I also read sooo much (but not novels nowadays). Everything from YouTube comments to video game lore to bodily illness to historical fashion to love letters between poets to Tumblr posts to the backs of cereal boxes. Most anything I come across & have no info on, I want to know about. There is so much to discover in everything. My memory is long & I am young still.

Books are written by one person; they hardly have an answer I’m looking for.

[televinita]

Books Read in 2019: The Why

In a tradition I accidentally started for myself and now quite enjoy, at the end of the year I look back at my reading list and answer the question, why did you read this particular book? 

Below, the books are split into groups by target readership age, plus nonfiction at the end. This year I have added the category “how I heard of it” as well, because I just think that info is neat.

FICTION

The Visitor - K.L. Slater. 2018. Read because: Ten episodes of The Good Cop weren't enough, so I tried to find something w/ similar characters, and this looked kinda like "TJ as a slightly more withdrawn weirdo." By the time I realized it wouldn't work due to being British, I was too excited by the prospect of a thriller to stop.

How I heard of it: Googling keywords

Like the Red Panda - Andrea Seigel. 2004. The back cover and first few pages reminded me of a friend I had once.

How I heard of it: Library

The Lost Vintage - Ann Mah. 2018. What's that? You've got some secret family history/a mystery from the past to be solved using old personal papers, including a diary? My jams.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls (4th ed.) - Emilie Autumn. 2017. I googled for books that promised unique formatting/art design, and Emilie Autumn has always been an intriguing enigma to me.

I Heard the Owl Call My Name - Margaret Craven. 1967. I know this title, but not why -- when I tripped over it in the teen* section and saw how tiny it was, I decided to find out what it was about. (*it's there because it's often taught in schools. It's here because its intended audience is adult.)

Escape - Barbara Delinsky. 2011. Went looking for an audiobook -- the cover with a woman standing on a small bridge amidst the woods drew me in (I can't find that cover on the internet though), and the idea of abandoning responsibility and driving off to a small town sounded like my dream.

How I heard of it: Library

Saul and Patsy - Charles Baxter. 2003. Another search result from my attempt to cast Josh Groban in a novel -- Midwestern-set and a man very much in love with his wife, no worries about the relationship being wrecked? Sweet! (though ultimately, I had to mentally recast)

How I heard of it: Googling

California - Edan Lepucki. 2014. Needed an audiobook. The title and green forest cover caught my eye, and the off-the-grid life + promise of a mysterious and possibly suspicious settler community described in the plot appealed to me.

How I heard of it: Library

The Lost Queen of Crocker County - Elizabeth Leiknes. 2018. Woman moves back home to rural Iowa in a book described as a "love letter to the Midwest"? Look at all these good choices.

How I heard of it: Library

All The Things You Are - Declan Hughs. 2014. Was looking for a different book w/ this title, but saw Spooky Dark House cover + wild summary and wanted to know how that could possibly happen / what the explanation was.

How I heard of it: Library catalog

Tumbledown Manor - Helen Brown. 2016. Cover love. A book about restoring a historic family manor?? BRING ME THERE.

How I heard of it: Library

The War Bride's Scrapbook - Caroline Preston. 2017. IT'S LITERALLY A SCRAPBOOK. I loved her other one like this.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day - Winifred Watson. 1938. Rewatched the movie and needed to relive an alternate take immediately (especially for more Michael).

How I heard of it: special features on the DVD

April & Oliver - Tess Callahan. 2009. This just screamed "(slightly less storybook) Ned/Chuck AU!!" [Pushing Daisies] at me. There was semi-platonic comfort-spooning in the second chapter, COME ON.

How I heard of it: Half Price Books

A Short Walk to the Bookshop - Aleksandra Drake. 2019. This looked like an even more solid Ned/Chuck AU, missing only the childhood connection/age similarity, with bonus fave keywords anxiety, widower, bookshop and dog.

How I heard of it: Googling

Girl Last Seen - Nina Laurin. 2017. Recently watched "Captive" and wanted a story of the aftermath from the captive's perspective.

How I heard of it: Goodreads (specifically, I looked up an older book by this title intending to check out related recs, but this came up first)

The Road to Enchantment - Kaya McLaren. 2017. Gorgeous cover/title + "single [pregnant] woman inherits late mother's ranch" = an alternate life I want to try on.

How I heard of it: Library

From Sand and Ash - Amy Harmon. 2016. Love between childhood best friends who can’t (well, aren’t supposed to) touch? Sounds like a Ned/Chuck AU to me!

How I heard of it: a book blog post

My Oxford Year - Julia Whelan. 2018. Always here for age-appropriate student/teacher romances -- I had this one saved for a while -- but read now specifically to cast David Tennant.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Reckoning at Gossamer Pond - Jaime Jo Wright. 2018. There's a mystery from the past being solved in the present. Also, "inherited hoarder's trailer" made me v. curious about what was inside.

How I heard of it: a book blog post

My Husband the Stranger - Rebecca Done. 2017. It's Find Books That Remind Me Of David Tennant's Roles Month, and this was my crack at "Recovery."

How I heard of it: Googling

The House on Foster Hill - Jaime Jo Wright. 2017. Fixing up a spooky abandoned historic house + solving a mystery from the past in the present!

How I heard of it: a book blog post

Broadchurch - Erin Kelly. 2014. Fell in love with the show, had to immediately relive it in text form.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Vanishing - Wendy Webb. 2014. Spooky historic mansion from a reliable author for the spookening season.

How I heard of it: looking up the author’s back catalog

The Scholar - Dervla McTiernan. 2019. The Ruin - Dervla McTiernan. 2018. "Hmmm looks kind of like (Irish) Broadchurch but where the detective character has a girlfriend to fuss over and worry about. Nice." Read out of order because the second one had more girlfriend content, and enjoyed it enough to go back for book 1.

How I heard of it: Googling

The Day She Died - Catriona McPherson. 2014. The cover looked perfect for the Spook Season/gloomy weather. Sign me up for insta-families and murder mysteries w/ MCs in possible danger any day.

How I heard of it: library (literally because it was right next to McTiernan)

Still Missing - Chevy Stevens. 2010. Collecting base material for when I play this scenario (abduction/prolonged captivity and its aftermath) out w/ TV characters I like.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

This Is How You Lose The Time War - Amal El-Mohtar & Max Gladstone. 2019. It sounded EXACTLY like a (genderbent) Doctor/Master or Crowley/Aziraphale relationship.

How I heard of it: a book blog post

The Tale of Halcyon Crane - Wendy Webb. 2010. Wanted an audiobook and I like this author (esp. for spook season).

How I heard of it: author’s back catalog

The Child Garden - Catriona McPherson. 2015. I liked her previous book and this setting looked even spookier and more atmospheric.

How I heard of it: author’s back catalog

Quiet Neighbors - Catriona McPherson. 2016. One last dip into this author...because what part of "woman gets a job organizing the books in 'the oldest bookshop in a town full of bookshops' + an old cottage to stay in" does not sound like my dream life?

How I heard of it: author’s back catalog

Doctor Who: The Nightmare of Black Island - Mike Tucker. 2006. After 2.5 months in a Ten/Rose spiral, the time was nigh to pluck one of their novels I didn’t get around to reading back in my original fandom heyday.

How I heard of it: can't remember

Misery - Stephen King. 1987. I just woke up one day and decided I was in the mood to try this infamous mother of all literary whumps.

How I heard of it: can’t remember

The Whisper Man - Alex North. 2019. Went looking for books that would remind me of the father/son dynamic in "The Escape Artist."

How I heard of it: Googling

Open Your Eyes - Paula Daly. 2018. Second crack at a "Recovery"-shaped novel (it failed instantly because I didn’t take the possibility of diversity into account, but suspense is still a good genre regardless).

How I heard of it: Googling

The Last - Hanna Jameson. 2019. "Dystopian psychological thriller" + the gorgeous hotel on the cover.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

------------------

YOUNG ADULT

Blood Wounds - Susan Beth Pfeffer. 2011. Established quality author + (what I thought was a) thriller premise.

How I heard of it: author’s back catalog

Beware That Girl - Teresa Totten. 2016. I wanted an audiobook, and contemporary YA options are limited at the library. The mystery/thriller aspect sounded good enough to spend 8+ hours with.

How I heard of it: library

Trafficked - Kim Purcell. 2012. I am mystified/intrigued by domestic/non-sexual slavery, and have not seen the topic covered in YA.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Wild Bird - Wendelin Van Draanen. 2017. I have long been fascinated by teen reform camps for girls in the wilderness.

How I heard of it: library

The Year of Luminous Love - Lurlene McDaniel. 2013. The Year of Chasing Dreams - Lurlene McDaniel. 2014.

The library didn't have Girl With the Broken Heart, but it did have a fat duology featuring similar elements of horses + tragic illness, and a trio of friends that called to mind Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

The Pull of Gravity - Gae Polisner. 2011. I was looking for quality male friendships, but the male/female friendship + road trip in this search result sounded like I could cast them as teen versions of Survivor contestants. I forget which ones.

How I heard of it: Googling

The Summer of Jordi Perez (and the Best Burger in Los Angeles) - Amy Spalding. 2018. Established quality author + bright cover, cool title, burger quest, MC's love of fashion and job in a clothing store, and summer in L.A. setting

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Tiger Eyes - Judy Blume. 1981. Found out Amy Jo Johnson was the mom in the movie version, decided to read the book as prep since once again, I knew the title, but not why I knew it.

Darius the Great Is Not Okay - Adib Khorram. 2018. I turned the internet upside down in search of books with quality male friendships, and was pointed here.

How I heard of it: Googling

Big Doc's Girl - Mary Medearis. 1941. Went looking for vintage stories of simple country girls who reminded me of Katharine McPhee's character in The House Bunny. (spoiler alert: this was not it even a little bit, why did I think it was)

How I heard of it: Googling

With Malice - Eileen Cook. 2016. Always here for random teen thrillers, including a fictionalized version of Amanda Knox.

How I heard of it: library

The Girls of No Return - Erin Saldin. 2012. Like I said, I'm big on girls reform camps in the wilderness.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Hope Was Here - Joan Bauer. 2000. Needed an audiobook. This one was short and by a proven quality author.

How I heard of it: library

Rules of the Road - Joan Bauer. 1998. Best Foot Forward - Joan Bauer. 2006. Bought the first super-cheap a while ago because of the cover/road trip aspect/fascinating first few pages; read NOW to keep the Bauer train rolling, followed immediately by its sequel.

How I heard of it: Goodwill/Goodreads

Now Is Everything - Amy Giles. 2017. Interesting format, sympathetic-sounding main character (edit: What Makes You Beautiful - Ha Ha Ha version.mp3), potential for a sweet and protective romance.

How I heard of it: library

Radical - E.M. Kokie. 2016. Survivalist/prepper teen?  Intriguing and underrepresented concept in YA.

How I heard of it: library

Hit the Road - Caroline B. Cooney. 2006. “It's spring, which means it's time to think about road trips.” Plus I just read a fun teen + old lady on the road book (Rules of the Road). It's thematic.

How I heard of it: library

I Am Still Alive - Kate Alice Marshall. 2018. I dig survival stories, especially in the wilderness, and this one was well recced.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Caged Graves - Dianne K. Salerni. 2013. Spook cover!! I MUST KNOW WHY THERE ARE CAGES OVER THESE GRAVES.

How I heard of it: library

Fancy Free - Betty Cavanna. 1961. Found cheap and will read this author always.

How I heard of it: antique store

Once And For All - Sarah Dessen. 2017. Stubborn determination to complete this author's canon and literally no other reasons.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Wired Man and Other Freaks of Nature - Sashi Kaufman. 2016. People in the Goodreads reviews were mad that the guys were so close yet not gay for each other. That's the very specific male friendship wheelhouse I've been looking for! Plus I know this author can write teen boys in a way I can tolerate.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Field Notes on Love - Jennifer E. Smith. 2019. Needed an audiobook and this was on display at the library; it looked cute and fluffy and I was ready for an antidote to the Dessen book.

How I heard of it: library

Midnight Sun - Trish Cook. 2017. Needed an audiobook and sick!lit seemed the most reliable of my options, given that previews for the movie had looked okay and it was real short.

How I heard of it: library

9 Days and 9 Nights - Katie Cotugno. 2018. Sequel to a book that drove me insane, but where I loved the writing style and was frustratingly fond of the characters so I Had 2 Know what happened next.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Your Destination Is On The Left - Lauren Spieller. 2018. Attractive cover + keywords like "nomadic RV lifestyle," Santa Fe, post-high-school YA, and internship

How I heard of it: library

Weird Girl and What's His Name - Meagan Brothers. 2015. X-Philes?? In MY modern-day YA fiction?? (with a side of inappropriate age-mismatched relationship?)  My interest is more likely than you'd think!

How I heard of it: library

All Out of Pretty - Ingrid Palmer. 2018. Attractive design + arresting first page piqued my curiosity

How I heard of it: library

Hitchhike - Isabelle Holland. 1977. Vintage book w/ a puppy on the cover, by an author I like.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Send No Blessings - Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. 1990. Reread from high school after it came up on the What's The Name of That Book? discussion group; felt a strong pull of positive feelings but couldn't remember much.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Year of the Gopher - Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. 1987 Wanted better understanding of the source material before reading an essay about this book and the above in Lost Masterworks of Young Adult Literature.

How I heard of it: another book

Up In Seth's Room - Norma Fox Mazer. 1979 There was an essay about this in Lost Masterworks too. I had read it a long time ago and remembered NOT liking it, but figured I might as well revisit it to review on Goodreads.

How I heard of it: library

Blizzard's Wake - Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. 2002. Happened to be on the shelf when I checked to see what non-Alice books of hers the library had in stock, and figured as long I'm on a Naylor kick, this might as well happen. Mainly ‘cause I saw "deadly blizzard" on the back and was like "WOW this seems useful for my hurt/comfort scenario stockpile."

How I heard of it: library

A Whole New World - Liz Braswell. 2015. Seeing the new Aladdin trailer blew up my heart with FEELINGS for the original, so I went looking for a YA retelling. Can't believe I found an actual Disney-based retelling.

How I heard of it: Library catalog

After the Dancing Days - Margaret I. Rostkowski. 1986. The connection between Roy and the little girl in The Fall reminded me of this book, so I reread it specifically to visualize Andrew as Lee Pace.

How I heard of it: Library

There's Someone Inside Your House - Stephanie Perkins. 2017. I'll read most any teen thriller you throw at me. The more murders the better.

How I heard of it: Library

All the Forever Things - Jolene Perry. 2017. Loved the author's writing style on a previous book, but couldn't stomach the love triangle. Wanted to give her another chance.

How I heard of it: Library

Aristotle and Dante Discover The Secrets of the Universe - Benjamin Alire Saenz. 2012. Been on my TBR for a while because quality male friendship; read it now to see if I should keep or get rid of the dollar store copy I bought. (answer: get rid of. it's good but not amazing to me personally)

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Hollow Girl - Hillary Monahan. 2017. Violent revenge fantasy against rapists? Especially to save the life of a guy you like who was brutally beaten during your assault? Heck yeah.

How I heard of it: Library

The Opposite of Love - Sarah Lynn Scheerger. 2014. The hurt/comfort potential was off the charts and it vaguely reminded me of Ryan/Marissa (the O.C.).

How I heard of it: Library

Sophomore Year is Greek to Me - Meredith Zeitlin. 2015. It just looked light and cute, like summer.

How I heard of it: Library

Girl Online On Tour - Zoe Sugg. 2015. Girl Online Going Solo - Zoe Sugg. 2016. Two sequels to a book I enjoyed.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Plague Land - Alex Scarrow. 2017. Plague Land Reborn - Alex Scarrow. 2018. Always here for illness-based apocalypse/dystopia. Would have finished the trilogy but library doesn’t have book 3 yet.

How I heard of it: Library

Pretty Fierce - Kieran Scott. 2017. Spy daughter of spies running for her life along w/ doting boyfriend (named Oliver, a name that has never let me down in fiction)? The ship radar is sounding OFF.

How I heard of it: Library

The Leaving - Lynn Hall. 1980. Will read any LH book, but this one was small and easy to take on an overnight trip plus everything about the summary and first couple of pages drew me in.

How I heard of it: author’s back catalog

Speed of Life - J.M. Kelly. 2016. Beautiful cover, blue collar family, unusual premise (twin sisters co-parenting the baby one of them had, no dad in sight), and I love stories where teens are (essentially) head of household.

How I heard of it: Thrift Books

Freshman Year and Other Unnatural Disasters - Meredith Zeitlin. 2012. Looked light and cute, because it's back-to-school time and lately I've been enjoying study blogs from people just starting high school.

How I heard of it: Library

The Land of 10,000 Madonnas - Kate Hattemer. 2016. Unsupervised teens a-wanderin' through Europe? Sign me up for that vicarious wanderlust.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

A Thousand Boy Kisses - Tillie Cole. 2016. A romance w/ astronomical hurt/comfort potential. (spoiler alert it’s too sickly saccharine even for me)

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Hooked - Catherine Greenman. 2011. Random reread of a book I had come to believe should have been 4 stars rather than 3, but couldn’t remember well enough to feel confident in changing the rating without checking first.

How I heard of it: Library

Appaloosa Summer - Tudor Robins. 2014. Horsey YA + after years of it being on my TBR, the author saw me post about this fact and offered to send me a free paperback copy for review.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

I Stop Somewhere - T.E. Carter. 2018. I too identified as a girl my classmates would never notice was missing (moreso in college, but still). Plus it's getting close to Halloween, so time for spooky/true-crime-esque reads.

How I heard of it: library

What Waits in the Woods - Kieran Scott. 2015. An ideal spook setting for the spook season!

How I heard of it: Library

Illuminae - Amie Kaufman & Jay Kristoff. 2015. The formatting/art design just sounded cool and unique.

How I heard of it: a book blog post

Boot Camp - Todd Strasser. 2006. I went to the library to check out a different book of his, but this caught my eye because WHUMPITY WHUMP (with a side of pining for the teacher he had previously been in a relationship with).

The Last Trip of the Magi - Michael Lorinser. 2012. Picked up cheap at a book sale for the struggling-to-survive-a-winter-night-outside aspect.

A List of Cages - Robin Roe. 2017. Male friendship loaded with hurt/comfort.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

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MIDDLE GRADE

Sparrow Road - Sheila O'Connor. 2011. The setting -- an artist's retreat at an old mansion on sprawling estate grounds formerly used as an orphanage -- captivated me.

How I heard of it: a Little Free Library (outside of a mansion repurposed as an art council's center, actually)

Annie's Life in Lists - Kristin Mahoney. 2018. I LOVE LISTS.

How I heard of it: library

Hope is a Ferris Wheel - Robin Herrera. 2014. Still grinding my teeth over Dessen's Once and For All, I was desperate for a sweet middle grade story to refresh my palate. Gimme that bright cover. Ooh, and a trailer park kid?

How I heard of it: Library

The Education of Ivy Blake - Ellen Airgood. 2015. Prairie Evers - Ellen Airgood. 2012. Also intended as a Dessen antidote, I picked up the sequel first due to the incredibly charming excerpt on the back, and then fell so in love with the character and writing style I needed more of her world.

How I heard of it: Library

When You Reach Me - Rebecca Stead. 2009. Rave reviews from friends; mystery aspect sounded intriguing.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Counting By 7s - Holly Goldberg Sloan. 2013. Picked up cheap at a fundraiser garage sale I wanted to support; seemed easily readable.

Summerlost - Ally Condie. 2016. Young!Ned/Chuck AU?? (spoiler alert: maybe if it wasn't so boring)

How I heard of it: Googling

Where The Heart Is - Jo Knowles. 2019. "Country girl taking care of the animals at a hobby farm across the road" = the childhood dream and also I wanted to ignore the summary and hope I could still get a Young!Ned/Chuck AU. How I heard of it: Library

The Wizards of Once - Cressida Cowell. 2017. Twice Magic - Cressida Cowell. 2018. First one: David Tennant reads the audiobook, and literally no other reasons.

Second one: Ah heck turns out I kind of loved how David Tennant read that audiobook and want more.

How I heard of it: Library catalog

My Sister Lives on the Mantelpiece - Annabel Pitcher. 2011. David Tennant reads the audiobook, and literally no other reasons.

How I heard of it: Library catalog

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NONFICTION

Seinology: The Sociology of Seinfeld - Tim Delaney. 2006. It's sociology, it's Seinfeld, what's not to love?

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Survivor: The Ultimate Game - Mark Burnett. 2000. At the beginning of the year I was obsessed w/ this show like never before, so a detailed recap of one of its seasons seemed like the ticket to complement that.

How I heard of it: Googling

Jungle: A Harrowing True Story of Survival - Yossi Ghinsberg. 1985. Loved the movie, wanted to relive it in text form.

How I heard of it: special features on the DVD

Lost Masterworks of Young Adult Literature - ed. Connie Zitlow. 2002. There was an essay about Send No Blessings in here. If that's the kind of book this book is about, I wanna hear all about it.

How I heard of it: Library catalog

Animals in Young Adult Fiction - Walter Hogan. 2009. From the same publishing line as the above, which I loved, I figured this was even MORE my specialized reading niche.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Phantoms of the Hudson Valley - Monica Randall. 1996. When I have I ever NOT wanted to read about grand mansions of yesteryear -- especially if some are abandoned ruins?

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Seven Cats and the Art of Living - Jo Coudert. 1996. Picked up cheap at a library sale because cats (and the cute author-illustrated cover painting).

Psychic Pets and Spirit Animals: True Stories From The Files of Fate Magazine. 1996. Random reread of a childhood favorite.

How I heard of it: B. Dalton's (THAT’S how long I’ve had this book, y’all).

Extreme Couponing - Joni Meyer-Crothers with Beth Adelman. 2013. Who doesn't love saving money? But I am not very coupon-savvy and wanted to learn.

How I heard of it: Library

Cabin Lessons: A Tale of 2x4s, Blisters and Love - Spike Carlsen. 2015. Having the money/skill to build my own cabin on MN's north shore is a fun daydream.

How I heard of it: Library

The Little Bookstore of Big Stone Gap: A Memoir of Friendship, Community, and the Uncommon Pleasure of a Good Book  - Wendy Welch. 2012. Opening a used bookstore is my impractical dream too.

How I heard of it: Library

Belonging: A German Reckons With History and Home - Nora Krug.  2018. Illustrated memoirs are always awesome.

How I heard of it: Library

The Astor Orphan: A Memoir - Alexandra Aldrich. 2013.

Rokeby was one of the estates that fascinated me in Phantoms of the Hudson Valley, and the content of this one took place around the same era that book was written.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

I'll Be There For You: The One About Friends - Kelsey Miller. 2018. Am I going to turn down "a retrospective" about one of my favorite shows?? I am not.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Season Finale: The Unexpected Rise and Fall of the WB & UPN. 2007. Recommended after the above because I love hearing how network TV stations are built in terms of programming decisions.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Paperback Crush: The Totally Radical History of 80s and 90s Teen Fiction - Gabrielle Moss. 2018. Take how I reacted to Lost Masterworks of Young Adult Literature, and multiply it by "fully illustrated with brightly colored pages." These are the kind of books I’m familiar with and always down to talk/hear about, but hardly anyone else is.

How I heard of it: Goodreads