#i watched her for years the shit that happened was devistating

[sugarxrabies]

every day i pray nobody notices the creepshow art influence in my style

[cawdra]

Good question, @avvielalame-blog

GATHER 'ROUND, FOR I HAVE A STORY TO TELL ABOUT MY WEIRD HOSPITAL OPIOID TRIP THAT MADE ME HALLUCINATE NEW GOOD OMENS EPISODES:

Last year I went to the hospital. It was some cyst (idk the medical lingo), and it was painful af. They gave me some sort of strong opioid (again, no idea what the medical lingo is, but I think it was Buprensomethingsomething). Mind you, I was on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds, but I hadn't taken them for almost a week, cuz I couldn't get out of my bed the whole time (before I eventually went to the hospital). I told them I was off that medication, and because the prescription is pretty old, they gave me the painkillers. TURNS OUT THE FUCKING MEDS WERE NOT OUT OF MY SYSTEM YET!!! So uhhh... yeah.

(If you don't know, mixing these two things can be very dangerous because they can raise dopamine levels too high or something, which is INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS!!! I'm a pretty large person, so this didn't hit me that hard (and also I was off the meds for longer than 24 hours), but if I was slightly less of a fatass and more of a responsible medicine taker, I might have actually been comatosed.)

Anyway, I was riding high that night. I didn't have anything else to do, so after seeing a good omens edit, my first thought was, "That seems gay. I'm in." So I turned on Prime and watched it all in one night. It's not like I was going to sleep in a ward full of screaming people anyway, so might as well make the most of it. The nurses told me to sleep, but I told them I wasn't sleepy, so they just gave me my antibiotics and, whatever else, took my temp and walked out. Did they care about the gay shit I was watching on my phone? No, they've seen worse.

Anyway, I watched the show, ugly cried for like an hour (harder than I did from the cyst that was torturing me for about a week), and then went to sleep at around 2 pm. When I woke up, I, as a responsible queer, decided to rant about it to my friends. After telling them all those things, one of my friends (who actually watched the show with his sister) said, "Are you sure the anesthesia didn't scramble your brain, cuz none of that happened lol."

When I tell you I was DEVISTATED!!! Literally a "You... you serious?" moment. Cried almost as much as I did at the ending.

Also, if you want to know: I had a dream about how the Ineffable Husbands teamed up with some nun (who was as much of a nun as she was a saint - only on a technicality) and they made her carry the Second Coming, which eventually got her kicked off the nunnery of whatever cuz 'These days, if you get pregnant as a nun, you won't be called ‘The Virgin Sarah’ or ‘The Virgin Linda’. You will be called ‘a common whore’. So much for being a virgin.' (Quote from my fanfic (and the weird opioid trip).

I don't know what the rest of the dream was because Mr. Party Pooper (aka my friend JK Juno ily (^з^)-☆) cut me off because I was talking nonsense.

Long story short, the painkillers got out of my system, I took my meds, renewed the prescription, and went on my still-on-going recovery journey.

Did I suffer two heartbreaks in less than 12 hours? Yes. Were they worth it? Eh. I mean, it inspired my fanfic, but wasn't THAT worth it. Did I enjoy my trip? No, I threw up, had diarrhea, and then constipation for two weeks.

I still get an awful surprise when I rewatch Good Omens for a specific scene, only to find out AGAIN that I was just hallucinating.

Moral of the story - don't do drugs and be honest with your doctors and nurses cuz you might actually die.

Anyways, TOODLES!!1!!111!!!

~ CAwdra

[saltycharacters]

Can I be livid for a sec? Ive spent all these years in the pandemic being one of the few doin my part, vaccinating as much as possible and social distancing and wearing masks everywhere and not even leaving the house unless absolutely necessary. A sisyphean attempt to do literally anything about the spread of covid, because so few even care to do the bare minimum at this point. So I have to sit and watch while this small group of people on this godforsaken Earth are giving up opportunities and funtimes left and right to protect our loved ones, and the immunocompromised, and ourselves and everyone else, while the selfish majority don't give a shit and literally do whatever they want, passing strains of covid amongst themselves like its a game of hot potato and. Usually I can ignore any pings of jealousy and reassure myself that at LEAST. There's one less vector to spread the illness, and that keeps at least those around me safe, and I continue finding enjoyment in safe and quarantine-approved ways, but.

Today I got a text message from my dad, which is not unusal in itself, but opening it I realized it was a photo of my abuela. Sitting across the table from my dad in her rustic little house in spain, in the rustic little village that I've visited every summer for most of my childhood. The place I've considered my favorite on earth for most of my life and that I've held in my heart so fondly that nearly every night, I dream about being there again. The place I haven't been to in years as part of the many sacrifices I've taken to combat the pandemic. And yet my dad, part of the selfish and skeptical majority, took the risk without a second thought and unceremoniously come into contact with the disease-spreading, equally uncatious masses at the airport, sat in a largely un-masked airplane for 11 hours and is now having supper with family I've been trying to protect this whole tine. He doesn't consider whether he'll bring covid to them first before bringing it to his family back in the US, he doesn't think about the likleyhood of grandma, nearing her 90's, being able to survive such an ailment, and I just know that he will not give the fact that he couldve spread covid more to the hundreds of other people a second thought. He'll sleep soundly in my favorite room, he'll have fun in my favorite places, and he'll see my favorite people all while being so in-denial about the pandemic that his conciousness will remain clean the entire trip. And this time I'm dizzy with jealousy and rage, I'm sad and homesick and frustrated and worst of all, I can't express any of my feelings to my dad or mom or any family because they'll just laugh at me for being so paranoid and tell me to come over anyway. I'm not sure I'll ever see my beloved Requena ever again, nor any of my family nor resident friends because it seems that almost everyone in the world has forgotten that we're still in a pandemic, yet those self-entitled enough to participate in this collective amnesia can have fun and do whatever without a thought for the consequences they bring. I'll be huddled at home with thise large, gaping, emotional hole in my chest while people like Dad continue on like nothing's ever happened and we all have to suffer for it. It's not fair. I'm so close to tears, I'm just. So devistated and heartbroken. If you don't do your part to quarantine to the best of your ability and practice basic pandemic saftey when out, I hate you. You're awful and I hate you.

[i-arch-my-backula]

if you wanted, could you do hcs with billy lenz, baby firefly, otis driftwood & the grabber with a s/o who has trouble falling asleep? like no matter how tired they are or how comfy it is, they cant seem to rest? thank you if you decide to do this :)

Oh anon you came to the right person for this. I don't really get tired at the right times. Like my issue with falling asleep is so dumb and I'm surprised I haven't pull an all nighter in a year. I am happy to write this for you and I hope you get help with this problem. Also I am writing this at almost midnight because you guessed it, I can't sleep at fucking all.

Slashers with an s/o who can't fall asleep

Includes: Billy Lenz, Baby Firefly, Otis Driftwood and The Grabber

Warnings: Creepy behavior from the grabber but like thats nothing new

Billy Lenz

Billy can go a good three days without sleep and is a light sleeper himself so he'll be up all night with you.

He will talk to you the entire time unless you tell him it's not helping then he'll just mumble to himself.

Will probably steal sleep aids from one of your housemates. And if those don't really do anything he will be devistated.

Will keep the attic as dark as possible if you chose to sleep with him up there but if you opt to stay in your room he will cuddle you there and cling to you the entire night.

If he finds you finally asleep he will keep you asleep for as long as you need to be.

Baby Firefly

The Firefly family doesn't have the best sleep schedule. Or one really at all. Some days Baby goes to bed at 10 and wakes up at 8 some days she goes to bed at 2 am and wakes up at 12 pm. She will do her best to stay up with you and keep you company.

If you hate to just lay there all night she will cuddle with you and talk all night. Won't hesitate to get you anything else either. You're her lovely s/o after all she'd do anything for you after all.

Will get you coco or tea. put on music, even take you outside to look at the stars and try to keep you from stressing about sleep.

She might fall asleep on her own while you wait but she won't mind at all if you cuddle up closer to her and try to sleep like that.

Otis Driftwood

Like with Baby he often goes to sleep at odd times so him staying up won't be that big of a deal. He will let you watch him make his art or he might have you pose for him. Partly so he gets an excuse to look at you, partly because he wants to make art of you, partly because he hopes it puts you to sleep.

He will make a joke about giving you laughing gas in an atempt to get a laugh but also might not be joking if he gets worried enough. He just want's his s/o to get plenty of sleep is all.

Will offer sleeping pills they have at the house and will try to do anything he can to help.

The Grabber

On the first night you're there and he goes down to watch you sleep he's not too surprised you're not asleep but when he continues to go down and you're still not asleep deep into the night he gets worried.

He assumes it's because of fear and stress and whatnot but he'll still try to figure out how to get you to sleep. He might not bring it up to you but he'll bring you things like tea and shit.

Once this goes on of awhile he'll confront you about it. "Why don't you sleep dove?" You'll have to explain that you do sleep it's just that it's hard for you to sleep.

He'll be upset by this because how can something this bad happen to his dove? He'll do everything he can to try and help you get better sleep. He promises to do his best.

[grasshopperjay]

silent sleepers

evermore series | track 2: champagne problems

your moms ring in your pocket, my picture in your wallet, your heart was glass i dropped it.

pairing: jay halstead x reader

word count: 1.3k

warnings: angst, swearing, alcohol, sadness, insecurity

Everyone’s eyes are on you, the whole room anticipating an answer, an answer that shouldn’t take you nearly this long. 

The room is sleeping, everyone is quiet, not a sound to be heard. God you wish someone would just break the silence, but it’s actually you that’s supposed to do that. Answer with a yes, a cheer or a smile, or some happy tears, but you can’t do any of those things.

Jay is down on one knee in front of you, his once hopeful face looking more dire as the seconds pass. 

You take a glance around the room at all the faces as they realize what’s happening. Your eyes catch on Jay’s brother, Will, as he rubs his jaw uncomfortably. 

It’s only when Jay quietly says your name that you remember exactly what’s happening. You’re being proposed to. 

And you have to say no. 

But you don’t know how. 

The beautiful diamond ring is practically calling your name, and you recognize it as Jay’s mothers, and she’s not here, but god you feel like you’re letting her down too. 

You’ve never felt worse in your life. All these people and Jay’s stupidly handsome face make you want to say yes. But you can’t. 

Which is why you don’t look back when you run out the door. 

You only stop when you’re out of the building and down the street, your lungs ache and when you try to take a deep breath in, all that comes out are sobs.

The tears are nearly freezing on your cheeks, the crisp air only starting to sting your skin now. You’re not exactly dressed for the weather. The only thing blocking you from the elements is the thin strapped emerald green dress Jay bought you.

And of course your exit wasn’t exactly planned so you never grabbed your coat or purse, or phone for that matter. You’re completely stranded.

But even as terrible as you’re feeling, alone and cold in an unfamiliar part of the city, it’s probably nothing compared to how crushed Jay is.

You saw it on his face. A look so rare and so unfamiliar to you. He was scared.

And you hate that you did that to him.

You have no idea what to do anymore, but you know you can’t go back, so you walk a little further until you find a tiny dive bar. One of the only open signs still lit up on the street.

There’s only a few people scattered around the bar, and they look at you like you have three heads as you walk in.

You perch yourself on one of the barstools. And almost immediately there’s a glass shoved in front of you, a small shot of tequila, you’re assuming by the smell.

“Oh I can’t-,” You start to say, and the bartender cuts you off.

“You look like you need it,” He explains with a pitiful smile.

“I don’t have any money.” You admit, and he just chuckles.

“It’s on the house, runaway.”

“You can tell?” You murmur, embarrassment flooding your cheeks.

“You’d be surprised how many fancy looking boys and girls I get in here, all alone. I’ve heard enough proposal gone wrong stories to know when one of ‘em walks into my bar.” And then he grabs himself a glass, raising it to you with a sad glance before he downs the liquid, and you do the same.

He leaves to tend to some others and apparently you’re alone with your thoughts for too long, cause the tears start spilling from your eyes, and their pace is too quick to wipe them away and pretend nothing is wrong anymore. You’re crying and everyone here knows it.

Then there’s a panicked face storming into the bar, and you’re on your feet within seconds. Kim sighs, “Oh thank god,” She wraps her arms around you, holding tight while you try to pretend you’re not a total mess.

“How’d you find me?” You whisper.

“I went right, Sylvie went left. I checked every damn building on this street.” Kim chuckles. “Jay was gonna try to ping your phone, but that was a dead end.”

You feel a pang in your chest when she says his name, “Where is he?”

“Will took him home.”

“Is he okay?”

“I think you know the answer to that question.” She sighs, and you wipe harshly at the damn tears that won’t stop falling.

“I don’t know why I couldn’t say yes.” You shrug, and Kim places her hand over yours.

“I think you’re scared,” She says, and you open your mouth to respond but she keeps going. “And that’s okay. It’s okay to be scared. But he deserves an answer, whether it’s the one he wants or not.”

“She’s right,” A voice chimes in. It’s the bartender, he’s setting two more tequilas in front of you and Kim. “Shot for confidence.” He says.

Kim laughs, and you find it in you to crack a little smile, even though it hardly feels genuine. “Shot for confidence, and then I’ll take you to him.”

•••••

You’ve been staring at the door for at least ten minutes, and you still haven’t thought of the right thing to say.

And it’s stupid cause there is no right thing to say, not after everything you’ve put him through tonight, but making him wait longer is only gonna make it worse so finally you open the door.

After you shut it, you take a deep breath and then turn into the living room.

He’s sitting on the couch, looking completely lost and tears gather in your eyes almost immediately.

“Jay...” You whisper, but he doesn’t even lift his head. “I’m so sorry.” 

That stupid word isn’t even going to begin to slice into the pain you caused him tonight, and you’re terrified because you really don’t know if your relationship will recover from this. 

You stand there for a few minutes, the silence deafening while you wait for him to say something. “Jay-,”

Finally he does, and the hurt in his voice is enough to bring back the wave of tears you tried so hard to fight off. 

“Why couldn’t you say yes? What did I do wrong?”

The fact that he thinks it’s his fault is heartbreaking and so, so untrue, you can’t help the way you rush forward, kneeling down in front of him. You grab his forearms to pull his hands away from his face, but his red puffy eyes refuse to look back at you. 

“It’s not you. You did nothing wrong you have to know that, Jay.” 

“Then why?” He asks again.

And the most terrifying part of all? You can’t answer his question. You don’t have a reason. 

“I don’t-,” He finally meets your eyes and your words clog in your throat. You’re left looking into his devistated eyes, unable to say or do anything that will bring any relief to them.

His eyes gloss over, it’s like a kick to the stomach so you just say it, even though you’re not sure if it’s true. “I do want to marry you, Jay.”

He remains silent but you know he’s asking, then why’d you say no?

“Just not yet...” You recover. “I’m not ready, I’m sorry.”

And finally, there’s a small glimmer in his eyes. He’s hopeful and relived and selfishly, you feel better too. Like you can breathe again.

“Shit,” He whispers, swiping under his eyes to make sure there’s no emotion shown. “I should’ve asked, or hinted or something. Shit.”

“Jay-,” You start, because he’s about to take this all on himself, just like he usually does but you can’t let him. You’re fucked in the head, that’s why you said no, not because of him. “You did nothing wrong.”

“I shouldn’t have sprung it on you like that, I’m sorry.”

“Please don’t apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong, Jay.” You repeat.

He finally nods, acknowledging what you’ve told him so many times, and you sigh, hoping you’ve taken some weight off him.

Then he grabs your hands and pulls you onto the couch with him, and you could cry. You thought you ruined everything, but maybe things can be okay again.

The two of you lay there, pressed together, your head on his chest, his arms holding you tight. Eventually his breathing evens out and he relaxes, and you lift your head gently to watch him as he sleeps.

He looks so angelic. So perfect. You really can’t believe that somehow you managed to get him to love you. It’s unfathomable, and it scares you. What if he comes to his senses? What if he realizes you’re not good enough?

But laying here you feel warm and safe and above all... Loved. Even after everything you put him through tonight, he’s still here, holding you and loving you despite it all.

And finally you get it.

It’s just like you telling him this whole night wasn’t his fault. You had to repeat it for him to realize it. Jay’s been doing the same thing to you for years, you will always be good enough. You were never not good enough.

For the first moment since he got down on one knee, you think, maybe you can do this.

Next time he asks, you have your answer.

....

taglist: @lorenakaspersen @jayxuptons @toomuchtv95 @halstudandruz @halsteadsway @hart-kinsella @astrosmayhem @life-treatments @dreamingmanip @jayhlstead @sofferderynnp @caromichaela @samantha-chicago

[3pirouette]

Fic: Iterate (1/1)

Title: Iterate By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette Spoilers: Up through Endgame. Disclaimer: They're not mine. Word Count: 2953 Distribution: AO3 Anyone else please ask first :)

Summary: Steve lived through the 21st century twice, the second time hurt much more than the first.

A/N: I literally made myself cry today on the way to work while I was working this out in my head. It was SUPPOSED to be FLUFFY. I’m not exactly why I decided on this format, all I know is that it felt right. I hope you enjoy. Steggy is just mentioned, more Steve-centric. 

It was supposed to be a stupid, fluffy story about Old Steve living with his granddaughter and being a LITTLE SHIT to her all the time because he’s 100% comfortable with modern things and it drives her nuts. I’m sorry.

Also, please pay attention to vague time stamps. Certain details are changed for impact. Hence, AU (Even though I FULLY BELIEVE that once the stones are placed back there is only ONE main timeline where Steve lived, was Peggy’s husband, and that’s how he showed up at the end of Endgame. Fight me.)

AND I’M SORRY.

~*~ October 2023

He supposed he’d always been waiting for this day. Steve knew he’d be around for it, one way or another. At least, he’d always assumed that, though he’d thought he’d experience it in a very, very different way.

He didn’t know the exact time, just a vague recollection that it was early afternoon, that there had been sunlight they’d blocked out with the blast shields, that they’d tried to eat lunch but they were all too nervous.

Funny. Same thing happened to him today. He couldn’t manage to get anything to slide down past the lump in his throat, couldn’t fill his stomach to calm the butterflies. He tried coffee first. It was warm and robust but had no effect.

He pulled out the tin from the back of the cabinet and made a cup of tea from one of the few remaining bags there. He sipped it and imagined Peggy sitting across from him, telling him off for using old tea that would be bitter and teasing him for how much sugar he put in it.

He drank a beer and wished to god that he had just one flask of whatever it was Thor used to carry around. He needed something to calm his nerves.

He caught his reflection in the window over the sink. For just the briefest second he saw his young self, so broken by so much, not knowing that today would be the day he’d be put to his greatest test. But the sun shifted and he could see every wrinkle in the refection, every grey hair, the haziness to his eyes that the doctor said was the beginning of cataracts.

A lifetime ago this day had changed everything for him without him knowing. Today, he was just as eager for the moment when Banner would put on that glove, this time for very different reasons.

~*~

In the end, Steve Rogers managed to live a fairly normal life.

Once back with Peggy, he kept away from the spotlight. Unsure if he’d created a parallel timeline or if he was living in his own, he did his best to avoid changing things.

Because even when he wanted to change things, he realized very quickly, he couldn’t.

He became enamored with sci-fi and fantasy that included time travel, with physicists who wrote books on the subject. He wanted to understand it, to know the unknowable.

He eventually decided that he was prescribing to the Doctor Who Theory of time travel: that it was all very, very complicated but that some things, no matter what, had to just happen in their own time and some things were simply fixed and would always happen the way they were supposed to. He’d seen this first with Zola- as he’d tried to get the man and his influence away from SHIELD they only dug their heels in deeper and kept him. It was later reaffirmed when, despite every effort, The Winter Soldier escaped him and Howard and Maria were left for dead in their car, young Tony devistated.

After that day, he stopped trying so hard to avoid squishing butterflies and focused instead on enjoying what he had.

What he had was, after all, quite a lot: A wife, two young boys, and a second chance at the life he’d missed while fighting other men’s wars.

~*~

Despite knowing all that laid ahead for him and his friends in the future that was now his past and yet somehow once again his future, Steve eventually started longing for the new millennium as decades past him by. He missed the technology, the ability to have whatever kind of entertainment he waited at the tips of his fingers. Though he’d known a good portion of what would happen from history books, once he’d gone back, he’d lived an entire lifetime full of surprises, experiencing things like the moon landing and the Vietnam war first hand. But now, as he grew older and he knew his days with Peggy were numbered, he longed for the small comforts of familiarity, for e-mails and smartphones and heated steering wheels on cars that parked themselves.

As the 2000’s arrived, he felt himself get more and more comfortable with the things around him: the news, the events he’d already experienced once and would again in a different way. It felt good to feel at least on solid ground with the world around him, knowing what was to come for him.

His home was lonely after Peggy was gone, and he made his only granddaughter an offer she couldn’t refuse: free room and board if she helped him keep up the house. An elementary school art teacher, Maggie was happy to step in for a little financial relief as she tried to navigate the churlish economy.

If he never told her that he was perfectly capable of taking care of the house by himself, it didn’t quite matter. The company was more than enough. And if when she smiled she looked just a little like her namesake and it warmed his heart… well, that wasn’t a bad thing, either.

The best part, he’d found though, was that it was hilariously funny to drive his granddaughter crazy. He’d lived through the early decades of the 21st century as a young man. He’d learned how to navigate the internet, interface with the most complicated technology there was to offer, and listened to music that wouldn’t be written for years to come. He loved watching her face as he sang along to Billie Eilish on the radio or realize that she didn’t have to explain to him how to use an iPad or Facetime.

~*~

She yelled at him the first snowfall. Skidded her car (all-wheel drive, thank goodness he’d convinced her to get the newest model) into the freshly shoveled driveway and tore out of the driver’s seat, yelling at him a mile a minute.

They’ll think I’m some kind of self-centered princess letting a centenarian shovel this and try to kill himself!  She’d yelled, trying to take the shovel from his hands.

He was still stronger than he should be, and held his ground. I don’t want you hurting yourself on this stuff.

Me? She’s screeched, and he’d laughed. He couldn’t help but smile and find her concern at least a little comical. Deep down he understood, knew that he should be trying to sell his age a little more, be trying to hide that he was still strong and fast and in better shape than some of his middle-aged neighbors.

As much as he’d like to push her off, tell her to go inside, he couldn’t. She wasn’t a self-centered princess, but she was his princess, and he bent to her whim like a branch in the wind. He’d kissed her on the head and finally handed her the shovel, leaving her the last bit of the path to her to clean up, and promised to take better care of himself.

She didn’t know that when she left for work, he still went down the basement and bench pressed 225 on an easy day.

~*~

She teased him about his record collection. Even though records had come back in style, she still thought it was silly to have a whole wall dedicated to them when she could access nearly all of musical history on her cell phone. He showed her his own digital playlists and popped in his airpods when he was reading sometimes, but he loved the sound the needle made when it hit the wax.

One night, when he couldn’t listen to her teasing anymore, no matter how good natured it was, he played dirty.

You know, there’s a new song coming out by one of those artists you like. WAP? Heard it’s a cover of a song your Nana and I used to dance to all the time.

Two weeks later, he heard the familiar opening bass to the song Barton had played incessantly in the gym while he was working out and had quoted for months, the song that he hadn’t been able to get away from even in the past with random phrases like macaroni in a pot popping into his head at the most inconvenient times.

Barely half a verse in she’d either shut it off or turned the music way lower. At dinner she couldn’t look at him.

That was not at cover, Pop Pop. And I don’t want to think about you and Nana like that… ever.

~*~

She cried when she came home, a year after Peggy’s death, to see Peggy’s beautiful vanity had been moved into her room, Peggy’s jewelry box on it front and center.

What did you do? She’d kept asking him, tears in her eyes.

She’d want you to have it. He knew it was the truth. He hugged her tight as she sniffed and knew he’d made the right decision. He remembered Peggy sitting with Maggie on her knee on the small stool, letting the girl paw through her necklaces and play with her big fluffy make-up brushes. Maggie reaching for her eyeshadow and Peggy deftly pulling it away. Peggy being just a little too slow with the lipstick and the toddler bouncing around the house, proudly showing off the circle on the bottom half of her face to anyone who would look at her.

They’d loved their boys, but Maggie had both of their hearts in a way they hadn’t been prepared for.

Steve had to make up and excuse to leave the house the next morning when Maggie came down to breakfast, wearing the single pearl drop necklace he’d gotten for Peggy on their 25th wedding anniversary and her signature red lipstick. It was a good pain, but the first time he saw her in her grandmother’s necklaces, it was pain none the less.

~*~ Spring 2018

He knew the date it was supposed to happen. He’d kept up enough to know that it would, too. His other self was out there, somewhere, fighting what would become the biggest battle of his life.

Steve decided to focus on the small things. He kept the house stocked up with food and drinks, nonperishables that would last months and even years, toilet paper and paper towels. He ordered big metal shelves for the basement and made sure there was enough for multiple people for the long haul.

He didn’t know what would happen to his family in the snap- who would make it and who wouldn’t, but he was going to be sure whoever survived would be set for the following months where there was chaos, food and water shortages, and fear.

It would be a long five years for anyone that was left.

Even though she was home most nights, he asked Maggie for a standing Thursday night date. Some nights he showed her how to keep the house up: where the water main was, how to shut it on and off, where the gas line was, what to do if the roof started leaking. He made notebooks full of lists of things to do, how-to’s for the house and for life, and even, when he was awake in the middle of the night, wrote her letters so she wouldn’t be lonely.

Somehow, he just knew it would be him this time. He had survived the first snap, but if there were two of him and one survived, the other, statistically, did not. Thanos was very clear on how half worked.

Maggie, at first, had been scared. His family knew he had a knack for predicting the future, but didn’t know quite why.

Are you dying? Maggie had asked, fearing the worst when she started to realize that their Thursday night take-out and movie date was about more than just spending time together.

No, he’d said so very often, I just want you to be ready for anything.

Despite all of her questions, she went along with it.

When the day came, he couldn’t quite keep the sadness out of his eyes. Couldn’t quite smile at her. They ate pizza in front of the TV, watching a comedy Maggie had picked. He kept his eyes on his watch. It was coming.

His fingers itched. Like he could already feel his cells pulling apart.

He reached out, taking her hand in his and covering it with is other hand. “Maggie, you know I love you, right?”

She smiled at him, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. She’d sensed his anxiety all day. “Of course, I do. And I love you, Pop Pop.”

He looked away and then back at her. “I promise you, whatever happens, I’m alright, and I’ll be back.”

“Pop Pop,” her eyes filled with tears, “What are you talking about?”

He shook his head, “I’ve left you everything you’ll need, and I promise I’ll be back.”

A tear fell from her eye as she squeezed his hand tighter. “But where…”

It was as if the world went silent as it started to happen. Though the television droned on in the background, he could swear the air was stiller. He started to see the dust fill the air and tried not to breathe.

But it was wrong.

It wasn’t him.

Her hand was falling to nothing in his, the fear in her eyes haunting as the skin of her cheeks flecked into the air, swirling before falling along with the rest of her into a pile on the couch.

It was so fast. So fast.

And it wasn’t him.

“No…” The word fell from his lips as a whisper, sobs starting to form in his throat.

~*~

He wondered, nearly every night for five years, if Thanos knew. If it had somehow been a conscious choice to keep him alive, to make him suffer just a little more. To make him watch his other self on television trying to promote healing.

Sometimes, he realized that this was a blessing. His sons and granddaughter were safe while they were snapped, protected by the fabric of the universe. Bucky had told him that he didn’t remember anything from being snapped, didn’t feel any different when he woke up than if he’d taken a long, heavy nap.

Somewhere, his family was taking the universe’s longest nap without him.

But they’d be spared these memories. They’d be spared lonely nights of missing loved ones and too little to eat while the world sorted out the jobs that were suddenly empty to keep things running for those that were left behind.

They’d be spared the fear of the gangs that started roaming the streets of half abandoned cities, looting for food and clothes in stores that had never officially closed but also couldn’t open with their owners simply gone.

They’d be spared the rolling blackouts and the contaminated water scares.

They’d be spared the fear of the country as the government suddenly found itself missing elected officials and the infighting and the rhetoric that came with martial law and hasty elections.  

They’d be spared so, so much pain and loss.

Every day, he relived it all, twice over.

He counted every day for five years, making his way through each week and month motivated by only one thought: they were coming back. He needed to be ready for them, for her.

He helped his daughter in law keep their house, managed his other son’s apartment in DC and kept his things ready and waiting, made sure Maggie’s things were safe and in working order, made sure her bank account stayed open and her phone bill was paid. He’d never, not once, considered he’d be the one left behind, and the logistics of all there was to do left him busy for the first few weeks.

Everyone told him his hope that the dusted would return was infectious, but after the first year, people stopped listening. He knew, for a fact, they’d come back, but everyone else didn’t. Even the past him was operating on the idea that they’d never be back.

Some days he didn’t make it out of bed. He laid there, talking to the ceiling, whispering to Peggy, wishing she could talk back, wishing she could be one of the ones brought back. He missed her with a ferocity that hadn’t changed since the first time he’d been in this time, but had only been tempered and strengthened by a lifetime together.

As the days drew closer to the five-year mark, he began to make arrangements.

~*~ October 2023

He cleaned the living room and set it to the way it had been that night. He pulled out every note and letter he’d written Maggie and his children and put them in the kitchen, ready and waiting.

He sat on the couch, facing the blank television, a new, piping hot, pepperoni pizza sitting in front of him, untouched.

He still couldn’t eat.

He still didn’t know if this was the right timeline. As he’d gotten closer to this day his faith had wavered. What if all he’d come to believe wasn’t true? What if this wasn’t the one fourteen million? He wanted to believe, but he didn’t know for sure.

He looked at his watch, watching as the seconds ticked by. What were a few seconds to him? He’d lived more than one lifetime, and that had been enough. He had barely made it through these five years the first time. The second time had almost truly broken him. He was ready for this to be over. He was ready to stop having to deal with loss and to be able to live whatever time he had left with the family he loved.

He held out his hand, and waited.

[01shane01]

When you wonder if it's worth it anymore...

Settle down kids... You're about to read the shit show that is my life right now.

So my fiancé and I split in March, 10 days before my birthday. We split as friends since we own a house together. We maintained a physical relationship and we were still getting along quite well.

As time went on, we argued more and more. Even more so than when we were together. Still depended on each other. I'm not kidding when I say that up until about 4 weeks ago, our friendship/relationship hadn't changed from when we were together only we didn't kiss and we didn't say I love you anymore.

Then she found out that I'd taken her dog and mine out for a walk with a friend of mine and her dogs and I hadn't told her. There was nothing to hide, it was such an insignificant moment that I forgot to mention it to her. She flew off the handle. And that's when things started getting bad. Before that, I thought that maybe we'd have a chance. Maybe we could get back together.

10 days later we jetted off to Italy with her mother and grandmother. The trip had been planned for over a year and we all thought that because me and H were getting on, that we would just keep the plans and all go on holiday regardless of the break-up.

Well Italy was where it all changed.

She had been messaging a guy all the way there, all the time that we were there. Even during dinner. She wouldn't put her phone down. I noticed that there were love hearts in the messages every time that I glimpsed at her phone. I would quickly look away... What she was doing was private and not up to me at all. But it didn't mean that it didn't hurt. So I'd go quiet. I never took it out on her but she kept asking "are you pissy?".. No I'm not. I'm devistated but it's OK I'll deal with it internally. At least while we're on a holiday that I barely put any money towards thanks to the kind generosity of her grandmother.

A couple of days into the holiday, phone constantly in her hand, I asked if anything was going on with her and F {initial changed for obvious reasons}. Her answer was no, she wasn't looking for anything right now.

Okay... Thats cool I can deal with that.

But phone remained firmly in hand.

Despite this, we still had a physical relationship whilst in Italy. I thought that she must be telling me the truth then... That had to be right. If something was going on, she wouldn't keep sleeping with me... Right?

Wrong.

A couple of days later I tried to start something, but she said no. Now we'd had a spat that morning about her talking to this guy constantly and her completely ungrateful attitude towards being in Italy and ruining the holiday for the 3 of us that actually wanted to be there. So I laughed and asked her if she hated me that much or if there was something actually happening between her and F.

Her answer: well it's complicated isn't it... He's still married.

This man is married. Seperated from his wife for the last 4 years. Apparently he's been sleeping on the couch for the last 4 years. They have kids together. Kids that are her age. This man is almost 50.

Now don't get me wrong, love who you love. But this is all just really sketchy. My biased feelings aside.. Its all sketchy.

So I took myself out onto the patio upset. Not because she had turned me down, but because suddenly everything is over. My relationship with H is really truly over now and I have to start accepting it. Shes over it so I have to be too.

The next couple of days on holiday were rough. Especially when I walked in on her in the shower taking a dirty pic. She claims it wasn't dirty. At the time even claimed she wasn't taking a picture, only looking at sunburn. But I've been on the receiving end of those pictures. I know what it looks like. And plus, how can you look at sunburn on your shoulders with your hair over your shoulders, a smile on your face, and striking a pose?

I wasn't happy. Its one thing to move on. That's fine. I can't control that. But it's another to rub it in my face like this. Constantly talking to him. Taking pics like that when she knows I'm around and could walk in. (we never stopped walking in on each other at various states of undress and showering etc... It was never said that we stop so we didn't). But I kept a good face on around her family because that's the least I could do and I was raised with respect.

We got home. We went to see her horse on the way back to our house because we both missed it. She informs me when we are in the field that she's going out to see him the next night. I turned my back on her so that she wouldn't see me cry.

She came in late. She told me it wasn't a date. She told me that she was just taking him to pick up his horsebox. More lies. Doesn't she understand that if she just told me the truth that it would all be easier.

She gets very angry and very defensive very quickly. All through our relationship she was very controlling. I lost touch with all my friends. If I spoke to anyone I was being a slut.

Long story short... I'm living in hell. Watching the woman I love(ed?) be with someone else while trying to scrabble together the money to buy her out of my house. I don't want to sell this house. I put time and effort, blood, sweat, and tears into this house while she just got bored.

She won't settle. She is being unrealistic. She is a 23yr old child and she is fighting me at every turn.

I haven't eaten, I've barely slept since we got back last Wednesday.

At this point, I'd rather die than have to go through this for one more day. I don't know how to get through this.

I will though. Some how, some way, I will get through this. Who I am on the other side, I don't know.

But all I know is that she made me into someone that I didn't recognise whilst we were together. I've got to try and find me again.

But for now... I hate my life.

[im-tops-bottom]

Legolas has been in the force for 4 years along with his father who is his Captain. He had seen some crazy shit but nothing compares to the shit he's going through now.

"what do you mean I'm off the case? Dad, seriously"

"it's for your own safety my son. He knows way too much about you. You are a risk hazard"

"since when have you ever given a shit about me?"

"Legolas"

"no. I'm staying on this case whether you like it or not Thranduil"

"that's it. Hand over your gun and badge"

"what?"

"you are suspended until further notice"

"you can't do that"

"I can and I will"

Legolas hands over his gun and badge and leaves the captains office, ignoring his name being called out. He decides that he is going to do this on his own and prove to his father how wrong the man was. He will catch this crazy stalker killer even if it's the last thing he'll do.

"Satans son huh? I'll show you not to mess with me"

Legolas looks at the picture of a question mark on his board with "he calls himself Satans son" written underneath it. No one knows what the man looks like and the only people who did were dead. After packing he leaves his desk and the building wanting nothing more than to head home and await for his dad to deal with him later.

It's late into the night when he receives a text from his father apologizing and saying that he will be out late.

"if mum was here, you wouldn't be out late but at home eating dinner with your family"

Legolas sighs as throws his charged phone onto the bed and makes himself a late night snack.

As he finished making himself a stir fry he puts some in a container and sticks in the fridge for his father. He may hate the guy but he's not mean enough to not leave him anything to eat when he gets home.

He eats his plate at the kitchen counter, preferring to stay standing when he feels hands on his waist and a voice whisper into his ear

"you're mine now angel"

He whips around and sees a body disappear into the shadows. He checks around the house and sees that no windows or doors were unlocked. He sighs and heads back to his plate to finish eating and doing the dishes.

After cleaning up he heads upstairs to shower and as he gets ready for bed he is Frozen in shock as he stares at the writing on the wall.

....

"fear not my love. I will come take you away with me and we can rule the underworld together"

Legolas bites his finger nails as his dad reads out the writing on the wall.

"Jesus. Ahh boss I think this might have been written in blood"

"okay grab some samples and photos. I want guards on watch at all times. Make sure no one other than my son and myself enters the perimeter unless advised by the bureau"

"yes boss"

Legolas keeps his eyes on the message as he sees from the corner of his eye, his father walking up to him.

"my son"

"don't father. You've already taken me off the case. It's not like you can send me somewhere safe. He knows where we live. If I move then it won't be long until he finds me again"

"how do you know it's a he?"

Legolas refuses to give the real reason in case his dad thinks he has gone crazy.

"I don't know. Just a guess"

It's good enough for his father to simply nod and tell his son that he is head back out and won't be home for dinner as he is doing a stake out. Legolas just nods before grabbing some stuff and heading to the spare room. There's no way in hell he's going to be staying in his room.

....

It's a week later of non stop love letters, social media messages, texts and calls from this mysterious person when he finally makes his self known to Legolas.

Thranduil was called to head to San Francisco for a lead on the Satans Child case so Legolas was left alone for a couple of days with no one but the guards that stood watch.

He didn't feel safe at all and his fears were made when after a hot shower he went into his room. In shock his towel dropped leaving him exposed. He stares at the man in front of him. A very beautiful and tall man.

"hello my love"

....

Thranduils lead had led him to Outpost 3. A long abandoned post that had been there since WWIII. He thought that the lead was all bullshit.

"witches and warlocks? Are you kidding me? What kind of crazy cult crap is this?"

"this is no cult. Well to us it isn't. This is just our way of life."

"okay I don't need to hear anything more you crazy lunatics. I'm out of here"

Thranduil was just about to leave when the door had closed in front of him without any help. In shock he turns around and sees the lady he was talking to still standing there.

"what the hell is going on?"

"like I said"

The lady had lifted up an apple without touching it and brought it to her.

"I'm a witch"

And bites into the apple.

"I must be on some kind of drug. What did you guys give me?"

"did we offer food or drinks yet?"

"no. Then it must be the air. It's polluted. It must be"

"those who truly don't believe in the unknown or stay closed minded are forever blind to everything around them. Unfortunately I can't help you with that. You must see for yourself and let your mind find the truth."

"alright lady enough with the riddles"

"but I have not spoken of any riddles yet Thranduil"

"how do you know my name"

"like I said. I'm a"

"witch. Yeah yeah whatever"

Thranduil rubs his face after contemplating over everything and sighs.

"fine. I'll bite. What do you know"

"your child is not safe for he who is the son of Satan has grown a liking to him. He plans on making him his bride so he can take his rightful place as ruler of hell and is set to bring nothing but distruction and mayhem to Earth. We must save your son before it is too late"

....

"who are you?"

"my mother called me Michael Langdon, everyone else calls me the spawn of Satan for I am "

"his son"

"ahh yes that is quite right. Aren't you a smart one?"

"I try to be"

Legolas wears a mask of fearlessness to hide how scared he actually is. Of all the possible shit that could ever happen, the impossible decides to come forth.

"what do you want from me?"

"I want you. Mind, body, heart and soul of course. I want you to fall to your knees and worship me. In return I offer you my protection"

Legolas jumps as Michael disappears into a burst of flames and reappears infront of him. He shakes as Michael's hand lifts his head up by the chin and stares into his eyes and deep down into his very soul. He licks his lips as a smirk is placed upon the man's face.

"and loyalty"

"what do you mean by that?"

"I have watched you for many years. From the moment you were born right up til now as I stand in front of you. I want to make you mine completely. You belong to me. Follow my footsteps. Become my bride"

"but I'm a male"

"I like how you chose that specific part to question and not the rest of it"

Legolas and Michael turn the heads to Legolas'bedroom door.

"dad"

"son"

Legolas is about to head to his father but Michael prevents him.

"Cordelia what a pleasant surprise"

"hand him over Michael and come with us"

"so you can lock me away again? You do remember how well that worked last time did you not?"

"hand over my son right now"

Michael smirks at man by the door who looks frightened. He laughs as he watches the man tremble as he let's his Horns out.

"I think not. Legolas if you wish for your father to stay alive then you shall come with me"

"don't you dare Legolas. I'll embrace death even if it means keeping you safe"

Tears fall from Legolas' eyes as he leans back into Michael's embrace.

"I'm sorry father"

Legolas looks down not wanting to look at his father as Michael holds him closer.

Thranduil screams as he watches his son disappear in a burst of flames and finally believes in everything the crazy lady was saying.

"we'll bring your son back don't you worry"

....

It takes months later for the witches, warlocks and Thranduil along with a few cops who were there that night to finally take their first step into hell.

The planning and wait wasn't worth it as Thranduil looks on in devistation. He watches his son who wears a white dress and laying on a bed surrounded by lava as he gives birth to a baby. He notices a ring on both his and Michael's fingers which means its too late. The wedding had already happened.

"even though this has happened, don't let it stop you from getting your son back Thranduil"

Thranduil looks on in anguish and despair as he sees Michael lean down to kiss the baby and then Legolas who allows it.

"LEGOLAS! MY SON"

Legolas looks up in shock and holds the baby near.

"father? What are you doing here?"

"I've come to bring you back home. Take you back to where you belong"

"oh this is marvelous. Nice of you witches to not only work alongside warlocks but to bring my new step father here to witness the birth of the new Antichrist. That really is lovely"

"son come here right now. I'm taking you home"

Michael suddenly becomes nervous as he watches Legolas get off the bed. It took him a long time to get the younger to fall for him as he had already fallen for the younger. His fears were nothing more than something that should stay at the back of his mind as he feels Legolas grab his hand and smile down at him.

'what a beautiful smile my angel has' Michael thought as he smiled back.

Legolas turns his head to face his father.

"dad I will always be your son, you know this"

"Legolas"

"but I finally found someone who gives a shit about me"

"he doesn't my son. He's only using you"

"he already told me about his plan to rule. I made him promise that if I married him then he will not touch humankind for as long as I live and not once has he shown me any harm or wishes to kill me"

Michael stands up and walks around the bed to stand next to Legolas and their baby.

"he is right. I have been in love with him for a long time. He was the only one I had wished was mine. At first it was because I needed someone to marry in order for my father to give me the throne but now it's because I want nothing more than to be with him"

""I don't care what you want. You give my son back to me now"

Legolas watches in shock as his father shoots Michael. He looks down and sees the bullet hole in Michael's chest.

"Legolas come here right now! That is an order! Forget him! Forget the baby!"

Legolas places the sleeping baby into it's crib and glares at his father. He starts whispering something and soon a giant devil makes it's appearance behind Legolas. His eyes go from blue to Black as he continues to glare at his father.

The witches and warlocks stand in front of a pissed off Thranduil as they prepare for the final battle. As they fight Satan himself, Thranduil shoots at demons coming their way while making his way towards his son.

"Legolas get here right now! We are going home! Move it!"

Legolas feels is rage rise as red orangey ambers appear around him. his eyes go completely black as fire appears out of his hands and soon enough he starts sending out fireballs.

Thranduil tries to dodge as much as he can. He has one goal in his mind and that is to leave hell with his son whether the young man liked it or not.

Thranduil stops dead in his tracks as his son pulls up a bow and flaming arrows. Most of them except for 2 misses. 1 lands right in his thigh while the other lands in his shoulder.

"Legolas!"

Legolas waves his hand and Thranduil gets sent flying towards the witches and warlocks, sending a few to the ground.

Satan gets taken down soon after and Legolas standstill in shock. For one last shock, Satan turns into a young man.

Cordelia slowly walks up to him and kneels down.

"Tate?"

The young man looks up

"who are you?"

"my name is Cordelia. We've come to set you free"

Cordelia whispers a spell and soon Tate is nothing but a glow of white light. The light floats heading straight towards the bed and disappears into Michael.

"what did you do to them? Tell me"

Cordelia walks up to Legolas and places a hand on his shoulder.

"we are saving them. Now come along my dear. There is much to discuss"

Legolas picks up his baby and leans over the bed to kiss Michael on the lips. He whispers a "I love you. Forever and for always" as tears spill. He stands up straight and follows alongside Cordelia ignoring his father all together.

....

3 years later Legolas had moved out of his dad's home and hasn't spoken to him since the battle in hell no matter how much his dad tries.

He sits on a chair out on the deck as he watches his son run around playing with a puppy. He sighs as he stands a walks closer to the stairs that lead out to the backyard grass.

He decided to move to the countryside away from his father and away from the people that helped kill his husband and his father in law. The only family that had mattered aside from his long dead mother.

He looks down and plays with his necklace that had a vial containing both his and Michael's blood. His ring sparkling under the sunlight.

"I miss you Michael. It's not the same without you"

"wow a man who said he was dead inside not only said that he loved me for the first time when I layed on my death bed but also that he misses me. How sweet"

Legolas looked up in shock and quickly turned around to see the one man he had longed for standing there in all his beautiful glory.

"Michael"

"hello my love"

"but how?"

"oh please. A measly gunshot couldn't kill me. Are you crazy? After my dad's soul was sent in to my body, it was only time before I woke up alone"

"daddy who's that?"

Legolas looks down at his son who stands by the stairs with his dog. He smiles down at his son as he nods his head towards Michael.

"this is Michael. He's your other dad. Go and say hi"

The little boy rushes over to greet Michael before heading back to Legolas yawning.

After putting the child to sleep, Legolas makes his way downstairs and is welcomed into Michael's embrace. They start nuzzling each other as if they were cats or dogs.

"I really missed you Michael"

"I did too. Don't worry I'm here now"

"does that mean we can get out revenge?"

"no not anymore. How about we become a proper family and do all sorts of mundane things"

Legolas raised a brow as he looks up at Michael.

"oh yeah? Like what?"

Michael smirks as he picks Legolas up and onto the bench before biting and sucking at the youngers neck.

"we could always give our son a sibling"

"oh God you are going to be the death of me"

"let's not hail god anytime soon. We can thank someone later after we have several of them"

"oh sweet Jesus"

"yeah maybe him"

"oh do shut up"

"make me my love"

And with that Legolas pulls his soulmate into a sweet kiss filled with love and passion.

[luminescencechatoyant]

baron corbin | ❝HOLY FUCK - YOU'RE TALL.❞

(not a reader insert, I tried to write it like that but I couldn't and it sucked)

I don't own wwe or any or the superstars/divas. i do own veronica

Mouth dry and covered in sweat, Veronica couldn't wrap her head around just where she was. Her head spun with the disbelief that she finally been pulled up and debuted on Smackdown, after years of being thrown about rings all over the world, she had kicked arse in front of thousands of people.

All the nerves and anxiety she'd felt before running down the ramp had slipped from her mind the second she slipped into the ring. Carmella hadn't expected a thing before Veronica pulled her into a devistating DDT and planted her face first into the mat, she was left laying on the mat as Veronica held the bright blue Money in the Bank briefcase over her head.

Veronica was buzzing, her entire body shook with excitement - from her now frizzy hair to her fidgeting toes Veronica body hummed with electricity. She skipped into the cafeteria, smiled at the waiting divas and threw herself into the outstretched arms of AJ Styles.

She and AJ had wrestled together on the New Japan circuit, she'd been married at that time and so had he. Naturally, they'd bonded when the rest of the Bullet Club dragged them out to celebrate after shows.

Now here they were, he already a champ and Veronica freshly debuted, except his marriage lasted and hers went down the drain, but that doesn't matter right now, Ron.

AJ laughed as she attached herself to his side and ruffled her hair, "Well, look who we have here. . ." He nudged her softly, "I thought the pro circuit was too good for you."

"I sold out, sue me." She pulled away and took and swig of his water bottle. She pulled herself on top of an equipment case and settled again the wall next to him. "Pays better than NXT."

"It's good to see you again, kid." AJ huffed and pinched his bottle put of her hand, ". . .even though you keep drinking my water."

"You missed me annoying you." She teased, laughing when AJ rolled his eyes. "You did! Don't deny it, I'm pretty much your other child."

She grinned triumphantly when AJ crossed his arms and ignored her with a snort, she knew she was right anyway. She shuffled into a more comfortable position but, given that she was leaning against a wall, she gave up and slouched uncomfortably, too lazy to move.

Divas and Superstars milled around the room, sitting around table eating or just resting. She didn't know what to expect behind the scenes of WWE, a tenser atmosphere or maybe techs running around frantically, but all the drama that happened on screen stayed on screen. The atmosphere was so warm and welcoming that Veronica never wanted to leave.

"I like this." AJ shifted next to her and raised an eyebrow at her, she smiled and spoke again. "I like this, the atmosphere - its amazing."

AJ hummed and ran a hand through his long hair, "I know - considering how tense it was at NXT, this is nicer."

Her eyes followed a blonde head as it entered the room, Carmella smiled at Veronica and gripped the briefcase under her arm, she called out with a laugh, "Better watch your back, Ronnie!"

"Keep talking shit and I'll hit you with another Act of Violence," Carmella laughed and hugged Veronica tightly. She pulled back and fixed her with a level stare, "I'm coming for the number one contenders spot."

"Take it, I've got my briefcase." She patted the blue case lightly. She stuck it back under her arm, pinched AJ's apple and walked backwards out of the room, "That's a wicked finisher name too, I have to admit. I'll see you tonight at the bar!"

Veronica waved her away with a laugh and laid her head on AJ's shoulder, the adrenalin from her debut finally running out. He patted her head softly, "You gonna' be able to watch my match?"

Veronica groaned and fake frowned as she pulled herself up, "I guess I should," She ducked and narrowly avoided being decked in the head by AJ by slipping off the crate with a laugh, "I will, I will! Geez, calm down soccer mom."

He glared and Veronica threw up her hands in innocence, "I'll have a shower and I'll meet you as handy the gorilla, alright?" He nodded and laid his head back against the wall, closing his eyes with a sigh.

She turned around and quickly sidestepped, narrowly avoiding a large body only to topple over a lone chair with with a loud crash. She swore quietly and quickly tried to pull herself off off the ground at the same time at large hand pulled her up, sending her crashing into the same chest she tried to avoid.

Veronica steppes back to stare wide eyed at the tall wrester, her eye height only just reached his chest and she glanced up to realise that he towered over her. Baron Corbin's seven foot height easily made her look tiny.

(She was tiny, but still.)

"Holy fuck - you're tall." She met his brown eyes, briefly noticing the long hair that hung around his face, and felt her cheeks burn red. "I - shit, I'm so sorry. I had no idea you were standing there, I uh. Sorry."

He laughed lowly, it deep and warm and Veronica toes curled when she heard it. "It's all good, you didn't hurt yourself, did you?"

She coughed, "Uh - no."

"Good, don't wanna have you hurt yourself falling for me." Veronica could have down she heard his voice get deeper, but with half the eyes in the room on her and her scarlet red face, she just wanted to bolt.

"I - uh, okay." She coughed again and shuffled back, "I gotta shower." She spun without a good bye and practically sprinted from the room, ignoring the hot gaze on her back and AJ'S raised eyebrow.

"I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE that you managed to embarrass yourself on your first day," Carmella leant against the bar with her glass in hand and snorted loudly, "Actually, I can believe it."

Veronica groaned loudly, threw her shot back and grimaced when the burn hit her throat. "I made a complete fool of myself, Carm."

"I don't blame you, honey," Carmella signaled the bartender for another round and smiled brightly when she shoved the drink in Veronicas hand, "It's not like you haven't had a thing for him since he debuted."

"Don't remind me, please." She shot a look over at the table where the other wrestlers that had come out sat, Baron was shoved into the corner talking happily to Xavier Woods. She hadn't spoken to him other than a quiet hello and shy smile, but she could feel a stare on the back of her head when she wasn't looking. "I don't know why I told you that."

"Blame the alcohol." Carmella laughed and slipped off the stool to rejoin the group, dragging Veronica by the hand. She dropped in the seat next to Big-E and left Veronica to sit next to Baron, because only she had that luck.

She slid in quietly and smiled shyly at Xaviers grin, jumping softly when Barons large arm dropped on to the chair behind her. He leant in with and smile and whispered in her ear, "How are you feeling now?"

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was Barons large thumb brushing her back or maybe it was just the fact that he was so close and smelt so good, but Veronica smiled back brightly with not one trace of shyness. "Better, a lot better. You guys are really cool to hang out with."

He smiled back, maybe brighter than her, and leant back into his seat. "We are pretty cool."

Xavier snorted loudly and pocked Baron hard on the chest, "I heard that! We are cool, you are not! You never came out before tonight,"

It was a struggle to hear Carmella over the loud music, but Veronica heard her all the same, "I wonder why that was-"

Xavier interrupted again and shot a wink at Veronica, "It's not like there was a cute new diva on the roster that was coming out-"

"Okay, that's enough of that." His cheeks were red, Veronica noticed, not red enough to pass as blushing but the tinge of red was there. She pretended not to notice as Baron turned back to face her.

"Cute new diva, huh?" She was teasing, but it was nice to see him try to think of an excuse - she cpuld practically see the gears turning. She met his eyes and smiled innocently, the red on his cheeks grew brighter and she still didn't point it out. "It's okay, I think your pretty cute - for someone who's so bloody tall."

A smirk settled on his lips and Veronicas heart thudded in her chest, he looked downright sexy with a smirk. Her breath caught in her throat when he leant in and curled his hand around her waist, before he whispered lowly, "Does somebody have a height kink?"

He drew away but Veronica caught his shirt and brought her lips up to his ear, "I might do, I like them tall."

She say back with a smirk and watched as Baron licked his lips quickly, he swallowed harshly and took a swig of his drink before his arm slid back around her waist, "Dinner, me and you tomorrow night?"

She smiled and leant back into his arm, "That sounds great."

"Great." He grinned and curled his fingers into her side, diving back into his conversation with Xavier. Carmella smiled from over the table at her friends starry eyed look and pulled her into a conversation with the rest of the wrestlers.

The arm never left her waist for the rest of the night, Veronica laughed and celebrated her main roster debut and she never pointed out Barons red cheeks until two days later when he'd pulled away from their first kiss.

[prettylittlementallyill]

Tell me challenge: your last relationship

have you ever felt like you were never good enough? you could try and try all you wanted but none of it ever mattered? well, that’s how i felt in my last relationship. we met just days before my 19th birthday. i was going through such a rough time in my life back then and i remember feeling so hurt and so angry all the time. i had very little regard for other people’s feelings and pushed everyone that was close to me away. and then he shows up. it had been such a long time since i let myself feel anything for someone but he was different. we clicked unbelievably fast and i fell for him fairly quickly. things were really good for a while... until i met his family. his mom instantly didn’t like me. not because i did anything wrong, but because she was just the most stuck up, judgmental person i had ever met. to her i was just some “summer fling” that her son was going to get bored of. boy was she wrong. a few months later she somehow found out that we were having sex. immediately she called me every possible name in the book. slut, whore, disgusting, you name it and she said it. it only escalated from there. she would make fun of my anxiety and claim it was just for attention, she would talk badly about my entire family, and constantly made passive aggressive comments about my relationship with her son. the worst part? he never stood up for me and pretended like everything was fine. unfortunately i loved him so much that i found reasons to justify this. a few years later he came to me and told me he wanted to join the military. boy oh boy was that something i did not want to hear. being the person i am, i told him i would support him if that’s what he wanted to do. he eventually told his mom and immediately she blamed me for his sudden decision. “i was ruining his life” i believe is what she said. anyway, he joined the military and 8 weeks later graduated boot camp. i went to texas with his family to see him and that’s when everything changed. his mom told me that him and i were “allowed” to go on a date while we were there. i was so excited because i hadn’t been able to talk to him in so long and i wanted that time alone with him. on our second day with him, we decide to go on our date. well, his mom called me screaming, claiming she never said that and told me i wasn’t allowed back at their hotel. we turn around, go back to the hotel anyway, and his mom was being nothing but a passive aggressive bitch. at this point i had been dealing with her shit for 3 years and man was it 3 years too long. she said something nasty to me and i told her she was a bitch and left the hotel room. she proceeded to follow me down the hall and got in my face, screaming that i was disrespectful. i politely told her that she doesn’t know a goddamn thing about me and i walked out. what did he do? he stood there and watched quietly while his mom said all this to me. the next day, he spent time with them instead of me. that cut me really deep because my god did i really love him. a few months later and i haven’t spoken to or seen his family. it was actually super relieving, but also frustrating because him and i were still together. he was still in texas at the time and i decided to drive 2000 miles to go see him. when i got there, he asked me to marry him. stupidly, i said yes. i knew that if i were going to marry this guy that a reconciliation with his family needed to happen. he came back from texas and i decided to be the bigger person and apologize to his mom, even though i never received an apology in return for the way she acted. we all pretended things were okay for the following year, until our wedding happened. his mom convinced his entire family to boycott the whole thing. not a single one of his family members showed up. god was he devistated.. but yet, he still talked to his family like nothing had happened. that’s what really got my blood boiling. this was when reality hit and i finally wasn’t blinded by love anymore. this guy had absolutely no backbone... (to be continued)

[bvdblog-blog]

life and death. such strange concepts that everyone takes so seriously. and rightfully so. i think about death alot. and not in a way where i want it to happen to me or anybody around me anytime soon. at all. i can positively say im not suicidal. but death is such an interesting topic to me. for so many different reasons.

first of all, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIE???? ive literally wondered this for a good majority of time now. i guess it boils down to what someone believes. some say u go to heaven if youve “asked for forgiveness.” others say you go to another life of come back an animal others say nothing. lik its such a fuckin trip honestly. WHO. REALLY KNOWS. its not lik someone can come back from the dead and explain what theyve been up to since they died. idk why it fascinates me so much but it does. lik the moment u stop exsisting do u know uve stopped esixting? is it just white? black? lik god damn its intense to think about. 

i think as much as it fascinates me i struggle with it too. my whole life ive been told theres a god, heaven, and afterlife in heaven if you live ur life right ask for foregiveness and do all the right things give or take. so i always thought that. but now as im older im not religious anymore. i dont agree with half the shit in the bible and i hate church people. christians. granted there are definitely christians who have been nothing but nice to me but overall im not a fan. others do as they please but at the moment im not into it. so im stuck in this spot where i dont know what i believe overall including life after death. and it scares me. 

part of it is laziness. i dont wanna have to read on things n decide what i believe. but at the same time i wanna know what happens when i die. its weird as fuck and if i think about it too much i get so much anxiety. i know alot of it is cuz i feel bad tht im not following my parents choice of christianity. i definietly make my own decisions but i feel bad for dissapointing them. the thing is i believe in god i think. thats for sure. i do think there is a set path for everyone but tht they have to work at it. but lik beyond tht idk. i talk to a god yes n i ask advice n shit but i dont go to church and i dont want to. tht doesnt maek me bad right? sometimes i wonder if following a certain religion or belief system would make me happier in life? idk. im too lazy to figure it out thooooo thats for sure. and maybe thts where i fall flat. idk.

back to the death thing. i was watching a show a couple weeks ago called captive. where people tell their stories of being held captive for ransom. and the reinactments would show people begging for their life which is obviously how everyone acts in near death situations like that. it just got me thinking. (this about to sound pretentious, suicidal, and weird all in one. i promise its none of those. just thoughts i have while driving sometimes) 

someone begs for their life why? obviously i know why. cuz they wanna live their lives beyond that point. duh. but lik really think about it. if someone dies, their death doesnt effect them. other than the obvious dying part. lik it effects their family and friends around them more. tht just trips me out soooo much. is that why people beg for their lives so much? for the others around them? or for their own living?

i guess its different for someone who has kids or a huge successfull business or thriving life. not that i dont have a thriving life but someone who has kids has more to live for than i do in a sense. they dont want to abandon their kids and leave them. i obviously too dont want to abandon my parents siter or friends but its different. it makes me wonder if ill see death differently when i have kids? overall would tht change my opinion and outlook on life? idk. i hope so sometimes. 

theres also a weird thing about grandparent death. my grandparents died only a year ago n it still drives me in circles. i was sad. devistated as fuck. still am. i think about them all the time. but its also weird because lik grandparents are old and are headed towards death every day right?  i mean i guess we all are which is morbid as fuck but yeah. 

idk i worry about my empathy sometimes, this girl posted on fb tht her grandpa died n she was broken, and i felt bad for her but at the same time i as lik ok he was old it was bound to happen. but lik WTF!? my grandparents died a year ago n  instead of relating to her i went back to the same old them being old thing. why do i do that? does it have to do with my weird fascination with after death? idk.

dont get me wrong. i would do anything to have my grandparents back this second. but old age and death is strange. i also think i am somewhat jaded to old age and death because i work as a care giver for old people daily and i see the sadness of peoples mind and bodies giving up on them al the time. my one client is 105 and just sits there al day. having this kind of exposure almost makes me not want to live to be older than 80. idk

i also have to remind myself besides my grandparents and aunt, ive never lost someone close to me. i look at my mom who lost her parents and struggles every fucking day. ive not been in that place where someone ive known my actual entire life and spent almost every day with isnt here anymore. so i think tht clouds my thinking as well. but tht situation scares the shit out of me more than anything. my mom or dad being here one day and then not. cnat go there cuz it gives me anxiety. 

of course this was all over the place with no organization. what ya gonna do haha

just to say again, im nowhere near suicidal. at all. weird things just fascinate me. i could never say these things out loud. but im glad i could write it here.