#eric cartman (a complete asshole)

[jewbeloved]

Hello Hello! Could you do Craig,Kyle, Damien and Cartmen with nonverbal autistic s/o who uses communication cards? :D

Craig, Kyle, Damien, and Cartman with a autistic s/o🌈♥️♥️

Note: I'm autistic as well, but I don't use communication cards so I hope this post still seems accurate for you.

Warnings: Cartman being an asshole.

Gender: Neutral

💙 Craig Tucker 😐

Get yourself a man like Craig, he's such a wholesome sweet boyfriend to have. But....you might have to explain what exactly communication cards are to him.....

Once he gets the hang of it, he can respond to your saying and needs by whatever card you show him.

Need to let him know you want to use the bathroom? Just pull out a card that has something to do with "I need the toilet" and he's completely fine with you going to the bathroom, even if you both are in the middle of something.

Not everyone exactly understands your communication cards so Craig will be glad to help translate what you said if you're speaking to someone.

You gotta admit, he found this similar to sign language except the words are on cards.💙💙💙💙💙

💚 Kyle Broflovski 🌈

Immediately researches about autism and communication cards because this boy is hella confused.

He can understand if you're not willing to speak verbal so he wouldn't mind doing the talking for you if you will let him.

I feel like Kyle would be more used to sign language so it will take some time for him to understand when you're speaking with communication cards.

He'll be able to understand completely once he gets the hang of it <3 don't worry, he's a fast learner.

He'll probably make you a hand made box to keep your communication cards in! In case you need them of course so you don't end up losing them or anything.💚💚💚💚💚

🖤 Damien Thorn 🩸

Communication cards??? what's that?

Again, this boy lives in hell for most of his life he doesn't know about these communication stuff humans use 😭 please help him out again.

So you communicate with cards that have pictures and words on them to indicate what you're saying or what you want? He's definitely writing this down so he can remember.

He'll probably steal a laptop so he can research more of this stuff on the internet so he can understand more.

Somebody steal your communication cards or judges you for how you communicate? Damien will send em right to his dad to burn in hell. Nobody disrespects his s/o like that.

Even though he doesn't understand this stuff all the way, he still tries to do everything he can to understand. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

❤️ Eric Cartman 🍖

Not surprisingly, but he's mean. He'd make fun of your cards and tell you that you're not in "preschool" anymore.

You'd snap or punch him afterwards but he'd whine.

He'll pretend to understand when you're trying to explain to him what communication cards are, but he's actually not listening.

Eventually sucks it up and try to understand.

He's surprisingly fully understanding what the communication cards mean after learning about them.

He won't make fun of you anymore, only if you give him cheesy poofs in return.

IM SORRY IF THIS WAS SHORT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO WRITE!

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

Honestly I love how Eric is a wedding planner in your AU.

I also headcanon that he’s well known for coming up with creative ways dealing with prying and difficult in laws and other guests who try to cause problems.

DEFINITELY!!! In general one of the reasons I mainly age up the characters to their 20s in most of my writing is bc I LOVE giving them careers, and Cartman as a wedding planner in the OrangeJuiceVerse just made way too much sense lmao. Bro is a hopeless romantic meddlesome fucker, extremely coy businessman, and he’s good at what he does. I also very much enjoy the idea that he’s the only one allowed to cause problems for his friends that feels very Cartman to me

It’s also wild bc for the LONGEST time I had no idea how to tackle Cartman in my writing; I thought he had to be completely evil, and I don’t usually lean towards the conflict side, so I’d leave him out a lot of the time. What changed that was when I was writing The Webs In The Rafters and I really wanted him as part of the crew, but it’s still Cartman so he can’t be too nice, he’s still gotta be an asshole. To get some practice for that I wrote A Movie About A Boy And His Dog, and that’s what kind of set his personality within the OJV, and I like to carry that into most of my other stuff too. I think a Cartmanism that sums up how I write him is “only I get to rip on you gaywads” lmao I love him

[hannah-h-pleb]

Some general headcanons about Eric Cartman because he’s my favourite little shit disturber

This is my first post and first time writing stuff like this so be nice 🙏 I am tagging @h-harleybaby because she asked me to when I finally decided to post. Please check her page out, she’s awesome 💕

Also note that Eric is 18+ here, so yea, let’s get it!

Creds to the artist who drew this picture below. I don’t know who drew it though :((

Eric Cartman: Basic Headcanons

Now, I totally get why some people say he would be gross af, but I mean, this boy has suuuuch a massive ego that he would WANT to look and smell his best. Because he’s the best looking and he wants everyone to know, right?

Dude probably has a whole skincare routine. Washes his face regularly, uses moisturizer, facial scrubs, hell he even uses face masks. What a diva 🙄

He literally has perfect skin despite his eating habits and it pisses Kyle off beyond belief.

He’s usually clean shaven. As he gets older he grows out his facial hair somewhat but it doesn’t get very long, just some stubble. Anything longer than that annoys him. He would hate getting food or crumbs in a beard so usually, he stays clean shaven

Showers every other day, or everyday if he can. His hair is usually very fluffy and soft to the touch

Probably smells like cheap cologne and Mountain Dew. That man drinks Mountain Dew like it’s water soooo

He’s not overly tall, he’s about 5’6 or 5’7, maybe 5’8 at the most. Despite being one of the shortest guys, he would rip on someone who’s even an INCH shorter than he is

Still wears his usual red jacket with a t-shirt underneath, but likes to switch it up more as he gets older. You may catch him in hoodies more often because they’re comfy. Wears jeans more often too

Even though he was overweight as a child, he grows into his weight more as he gets older. He’s still not skinny by no means though. He’s got quite the belly on him but he’s not dangerously overweight. He’s chunky. If he’s a wrestler or a boxer, he’s got more muscle in his arms for sure. All in all, still a thicc boy

His relationship with his mom is neither here nor there but it has improved. He still likes to push his limits but he does respect her more. Super protective of her as well, and won’t hesitate to punch you in the mouth if you say anything bad about her. It’s giving momma’s boy fr

Now the big question is: Does his personality change much? The answer is yes AND no

He has calmed down somewhat in terms of his “scheming”, but not a whole lot. Most of his “schemes” consist of trolling tf out of people and finding ways to get a reaction out of people for his own amusement. He still likes to use blackmail against people though, and wants to feel like he has power over people, so what better way to get the upper hand than to piss people off and watch them fall apart and get angry? Or to hold their deepest, darkest secrets over their head? Knowing he can get any kind of reaction out of someone makes him feel superior. Despite calming down A LITTLE BIT, mans is still chaotic af. He loves getting under peoples skin anyway he can, whether it be by saying something completely out of pocket, or by using blackmail

At the end of the day, he’s still Eric Cartman, he’s not the nicest person

Still holds some of the same bigoted views as seen in the show. However, he may warm up to someone of a different race if he likes their company enough. It may not happen right away, but eventually, he’ll come around and try to learn

Honestly, he’s mostly just a general, bitter asshole with anger issues. It’s so funny to him when he makes someone else angry, but if HE gets angry he’ll make it everyone’s problem

Which btw. Drama. Queen. If someone even lightly shoved him, he’ll throw himself on the floor and exaggerate how hard he was pushed. Also gossips a lot, whether it be about his own friends or some rando he doesn’t even know. Attention whore for real 🙄

So there ya go. That’s what I think Eric would be like as he gets older. Still the same chaotic, obnoxious, foul-mouthed asshole we know him to be, but not into killing people on the regular anymore. I might make a part 2 or something because I could go on forever about this dude

[fucksurass]

OMG FINALLY HAD THE MOTIVATION THIS WAS KILLING ME

DEAD? Park!

Pt. 4

Kenny: Sigh

Stan: Hey wheres Cartman?

Kyle: Probably at home sleeping his fat ass off. Maybe his mom was like "Oh my poor baby Eric stay home you look so sleepy!!!"

Stan: Heh heh yeah maybe

Kenny: Sigh

Kenny: Mmmppppphhhusisoeoleidb....

Mr. Garrison: Blah blah blah new student in Ms. Choksonsiks class blah blah

Damien: Blah wheres my Pip?

Mr. Garrison: Damien stop thinking with your dick and use your brain for once.

*Laughter*

Damien: Shut up ill kill you all!!

Stan: Seriously dude where is Cartma-

Pip: WE HAVE BISCUITS!!

Everyone: COOKIES!!!

Mr. Garrison: Well would you look at that. Today isnt complete shit!

Pocket: One at a time you lot!! No shoving!

Kyle: Oh my god these are good! Fatass is missing all of this!

Stan: Haha yeah! Fuck you Cartman you dont deserve theseeee

Pocket: Fancy a biscuit, Emo boy?

Damien: Um.... No. I dont like what you put in it, Beaver.

Pip: Now Damien, just because you are so bitter doesnt mean you cant have a bit of sugar!

Damien: Ha ha. Funny.

Butters: Hey Ken look. Cookies!

Ken: Mph...

Pip: Oh poor Kenny.

Pocket: Oh no. You are not going to give him a biscuit are you? He called me a slag!

Pip: Technically he did not. We may have overreacted a bit... Kenny!

Kenny: Mph...

Pip: Kenny look.

Pip: Have it.

Kenny: What? But arent you still mad I... Said you died..?

Pip: Oh I am furious but you look a bit down so take it.

Kenny: ...Thanks. And sorry.... I dont know whats going on..

Pip: Thats quite alright. Eat it already!!

Kenny: Okay okay! ....

Pip: ............

Kenny: Wow. This is good. Really good! What... Whatd you put in this?! Howd you make it!!

Pip: ...Oh..

Pip: Thats a secret.....

Kenny: Wh-wha- I-

Pip: Shhhhh-

Kenny: What did you put in-

Pip: NOTHING

Kenny: .........

Pip: YOURE BECOMING QUITE THE PA-

Pocket: Phillip!! Damien took my biscuit! He didnt even want any!

Damien: I want some now. Wow this taste like asshole.

Pip: Oh dear I must go!

Pip: Poor you! You look like youve seen a ghost! There there!

Kenny: ....................I-

Pip: I REMEMBER TELLING YOU TO SHHHH- Have a good day, mate!

Pt. 3

Pt. ---

[hatsunevitu]

y’know who’s the biggest kyman hater on earth? stan marsh.

so i’ve written some headcanons about kyman’s love languages right here, and i mentioned cartman being absolutely disgusting with his pda, so i think he’d like pissing both kyle and stan with kissing and being affectionate to kyle in public.

‘cause, you know, when kyle and stan are talking to each other and ignoring cartman’s Very Important Presence, he actually tries to be patient but then he finally fails and sneaks up to kyle and does something unexpected like sitting on kyle’s laps or biting his neck with the most innocent face. and that’s it. kyle.exe stopped working, he’s completely distracted and stan is irritated af looking at satisfied cartman. so they have this conversation every time stan and kyle want to hang out together:

stan: No, no, wait, dude, don’t tell me Cartman’s gonna be here all the time!

cartman: What’s the matter, Stan? You’re jealous of me and Kahl having this wonderful relationship you’d never have?

stan: First of all: gross. Secondly: I hate you, Cartman, and I totally disrespect you, Kyle, for dragging him to every walk we have.

kyle: Oh, come on, dude, don’t be such a drama queen, you won’t even notice his presence! Just ignore him.

cartman: Hey! >:[

stan: No-o, I know how it always happens. Every time I talk to you for more than a few minutes this asshole gets bored and distracts you with some disgusting things like licking your neck or, I dont know, sitting on your laps.

kyle: Oh, please, that happened only once or twice! Look, I’m a mature and conscious person, I can ignore Cartman when I want to.

cartman: Ha! Lying jew. You can’t resist me.

kyle: Shut up, Fatass!

stan: See?? That’s what I was talking about. You never pay attention to anything when he’s around!

kyle: I resent these baseless accusations.

in kyle's defense, i want to say that he will eventually handle this so it won’t affect his friendship with stan. stan may be acting all grumpy and whiny about kyman’s relationship but he really is kind of supportive of them and is happy his best friend finally found someone to be together with. even if this “someone” is eric cartman.

[southpark-trashfactory]

Tbh I think another reason why fans fixate on eric remembering kenny's deaths so much is because of episodes like Best Friends Forever, or perhaps that episode more than any other. There kenny straight up says that he hated eric and only did anything nice for him out of pity, then eric spends the rest of the episode trying to kill him. I think you can see why some people would prefer to twist that into something else rather than take it at face value

That's actually a pretty good point that I hadn't considered!

Honestly, that's something that's always fascinated me about the relationship between South Park Canon vs Fanon, the show is a satire first and foremost, but it does have occasional beats of sincerity and well rounded characters that grow and change subtly over the course of the show, so it's attractive to fans who might want to make more earnest fanworks or view from the perspective of sincerely analyzing the characters' patterns of behavior rather than dismissing it as just being for the sake of a joke, and you can't really blame them when the show itself doesn't exclusively take itself unseriously.

I feel like it creates a situation where fans sort of have the ability to pick what they perceive as sincere vs a joke, and it leads to situations where characters and even whole episodes can be interpreted vastly differently from fan to fan without them necessarily being completely wrong.

Like, it would be perfectly valid for fans to read Cartman and Kenny's friendship as insincere because of episodes, like you said, Super Best Friends, and also Kenny dies, where Cartman uses Kenny dying as a front to get a bunch of fetuses to make himself a shakey's pizza

But on the contrary, and I know people will likely disagree with me, I personally take Kenny's and Cartmans relationship to be sincere and on par with Stan and Kyle's friendship, and have always interpreted the episode Kenny Dies as Cartman sincerely trying to help Kenny live but at the last second making the shakey's pizza because Kenny dies before he could actually get the research going and it's easier to act like his usual asshole self than feel like he's failed after sincerely trying to save him.

On the topic of Kenny dies, I feel like you could also use the aftermath of that episode as reason for why Cartman could remember Kenny's deaths potentially? Ya know since he drank his remains thinking they were chocolate milk mix?

South park sure is a show huh

[immayonaise]

PLEASE CONTINUE TOXIC!!

Also I have questions! Did Eric develop ED when starting a relationship with Thomas? How did they meet? Does Thomas have a similar personality to Eric and that's how they get along? How did Eric come to terms that he's gay/ in a genuine relationship with a man? How is Kyle doing 👀??

I WILL!! (I forgot about it until last night lmao. I also draw it on paper to get an idea of what I want for the comics too, so it makes it extra long time to make)

Cartman did sorta developed a eating disorder while with Thomas, he was already insecure about his weight before and Thomas pushed him into it. Still trying to figure out what eating disorder Cartman has, since I wanna do a short lil comic about just his certain disorders and/or abuse Thomas puts him and Miss Lady through.

When Cartman first started high school Thomas was sorta drawn to him (Not in a good way). So he buttered him up and manipulated him into trusting him, saying his friends were assholes and Cartman deserved better, etc... Of course Cartman agreed with Thomas because he trusted Thomas' judgement and all Cartman probably thought was: "People who are older than you are wiser and know better." Plus Thomas got his friends to agree with him and they all sorta ganged up on Cartman, telling him whatever about his friends. Cartman stills hangs out with them, but very little since Thomas but Stan and Kenny basically hate his guts ever since Thomas. (Still kinda working on how they met, so not completely official)

I wouldn't say they have similar personalities, Cartman still has some love in that cold heart of his. Thomas on the other hand, basically has no soul left and is just pure pain on people. So in short, Thomas is a manipulative piece of shit and Cartman still hangs onto whatever little to none humanity he has left.

In my AU Cartman and Kyle were first friends in Kindergarten, Stan and Kenny basically being other kids to them at the time. Cartman had a huge crush on Kyle and Kyle had no fucking idea. So basically Stan and Kyle became friends, Kenny sorta replaced Kyle for a bit. Then Kenny introduced Cartman to Stan and the main 4 officially started after that. So like he always knew he was gay in some way, but kinda just went "Ehh it's fine."

Kyle is fine? Since he's the only one who knows what Thomas is doing, Thomas and him hate each other. Like if you put both of them in a room, only one of them is coming out with at least 20 years in jail for what they did. Kyle and Cartman call whenever Thomas isn't home and Cartman often rants about Thomas, he clearly wants to leave from Kyle's point of view but is just too much of a pussy to do so.

(I might make a side blog so I can have all the Toxic AU on that and people don't have to dig through all of my posts or search by the tag lol)

Toxic AU first!

[north-park]

I think the entire. S21 fiasco thing is mostly because the kyheiman "triangle" was written pretty badly, Heidi herself was pushed kinda to the side and them costantly pulled between Kyle and Eric without the narrative geniunely exploring her own side of the situation, even thought the story never really made her into an "object" it still made her a "symbol" of victory, the boy who had her closer was the one winning over the other regardless of romantic sentiments being involved, the story did use her as way to get Kyle and Eric in competition, to get jelaous of the other, which gave "fair" ground for Cartman-poisoned people to just go and say that Kyle never cared about her, that he wanted the "old Cartman" back, all this was only to a way to use Heidi as a victim to save and inflate his dumb savior-complex and that every he did wasn't with good but misguided intentions but with selfish ones because he is a bad person who thrives on ruining lives blah blah i will ruin your fucking life if you say that

I think overral the season wasn't kind to Kyle, being used as catalist for a shitty relationship and then hurting someone else over it isn't a good look on anyone, with arguably no ending to your arc, but there is a reason he was written in that narrative, and it sure isn't getting mad that he isn't the one abused by Cartman as some shipper might say

One scene many, many people tend to forget is the Heidi's first and arguably only attempt to get help for both her and Eric was when she gave Stan a recording of Eric telling her he will kill himself if she leaves him, which kinda implies she wants to break up and is an pretty toxic relationship, she asks because Stan is his friend, he will help him, but instead he, and later on all of his male friends (including Kyle) finds Cartman's threats hilarious, they all laugh in Cartman's face while listening to them, not giving Cartman the attention he wants is generally the correct move on how to deal with his unstable personality, but in this case he isn't the only one suffering, Heidi is in there too and they couldn't care less if she is currently traumatized by her bf, they aren't her friends, they barely even know her, hell they generally tend to act uncaring towards girls anyway, Kyle is included in this because he didn't cared either at first, Cartman is a cruel boyfriend but that's not his problem today

The problem comes when Heidi is completely alone, isolated and unable to understood what she did wrong, the girls, Heidi's friends who do know her, do the same thing as the boys and leave her to cry on her mistakes, this is basically the point Kyle enters in, he isn't doing this for Heidi, he is doing this for himself, he sees in Heidi the same lonely well-meaning kid who tried to help Eric but gets his heart and spirit broken he is, he knows what it feels like to be kick out, feeling misunderstood with no one to rely on, being made to be an idiot or a bad guy, he wants to help Heidi like he wishes to help himself, and that's why he cut things when Heidi became an asshole antisemitist he couldn't relate to anymore, but after all what happened, does this make him a bad person?

I say no, in the end Kyle did try to help Heidi, he believed in her when no one did, he didn't ignored or victim blamed her, he only tried to do the right thing until everyone around him started to screw with his mind harder than Eric did with Heidi, personally I think the canadians deserved to die (even if that was Garrison's fault ANYWAY) for making shitty netflix shows so i can confidently Kyle did nothing

[tyonfs]

ofc!! and i agree completely! ive been on a search trying to find the other authors but haven’t had any luck so ill have to search more tmrw and if not i just hope the authors see thus so they can know their hard work is getting plagiarized and take action :(( the whole south park smut thing doesnt sit right with me when they are literal children and especially them deciding to include cartman who is a literal asshole too just makes my blood boil even more

i found the other authors here !! unfortunately one of them deactivated their tumblr so they probably don’t even know their story was plagiarized :(( but tysm for trying to bring it to everyone’s attention 💕�� who knows how many more stories would’ve been stolen from other authors ://

right ?? south park is fun to watch for the satire and comedy but romanticizing eric cartman is absolutely craaaazy to me 😭 and them literally being in elementary school too like 🧍‍♂️

[bojackhorsemanobviously]

Bojack couldn't believe he was making the same mistakes he did with hollyhock, completely blowing her off when she just wanted him at home when she just wanted to spend time with himm. But he got stuck in his own head and made her feel like garbage, like she wasn't worth his time and was some bratty kid.

Here he was doing it all again. He had to do better, he had to be better. No he wanted to be better, he was tired of self doubts, tired of his insecurities. " I 'm sorry eric, it's not you fault." He said firmly , slumping over he turned off the water facet before the water flooded the floor.

. " I'm a coward.. I've always been a coward.. it has nothing to do with you... you didn't do anything .. "

part of him was screaming to throw Kyle under the bus but what good would that do? He was suppose to be the one in charge not a kid with a vendetta against Cartman."

"... i just.. i've just been stressed.. the only thing i ever raised was a catcus and it died in rehab.... "

He rubbed the back of his head, sighing ," Truth is... ..... " Did he want to admit to being afraid of eric? that would just make the whole situation worse and be rather scummy to do he didn't want to make him feel worse, he wanted to be better than his shitty persons, telling the kid he ewas fraid of him with have damaging effects. . " .. i have no idea what im doing or what to do. I'm very.. lost... I thought doing this would solve my problems but thats dumb.. adopting a kid wont fix my problems. I'm gonna go to therapy and work on myself. and I'll do better I'm going to do better. because im being an asshole and I don't want to be an asshole, i hate that guy. I like the me who wants to look out for you because he cares not a selfhating loser. "

He could feel the tension radiating off of Eric, the anger was very thick in the air.. his eyes darted towards the knifes a bit wearily,

"you can kick me in the shin if it will make you feel better. "

..... It was another long night and Bojack has no come yet.

Eric had been sitting on the couch watching TV. Sure, it was getting late, but Bojack would be home soon......,...

He glances at the clock for the 100th time and decides to take out his phone to give him a call.

Ring ring ring.

[jewbeloved]

i just found ur account and OHMYGOSH OBSESSED!! can i request the main 4 + tweek and butters reaction to someone flirting with their s/o (prayers for tweek and his constant anxiety lmao)

Team Stan + Tweek and Butters when somebody flirts with their s/o💗💗💖💖

Warnings: None

Gender: Neutral

💙 Stan Marsh 🧊

He will probably get jealous, but he is also focused on how you react towards the person flirting with you.

He gets all insecure and having thoughts of you leaving him for that person.

He won't be having those thoughts anymore when he sees that you slapped the person in the face when they tried to touch you.

You could say that he is letting out happy squeals inside, being thankful that you won't leave him for some random bozo.

You would be cuddling with him afterwards <3💙💙💙💙💙

💚 Kyle Broflovski 🎄

He doesn't know how to feel about it.

But he can surely feel jealous and anger bubbling inside him.

Don't let him be alone with the person who was flirting with you things might get a lil ugly.

You would find him beating the person up because they tested his patience.

"Kyle! calm down!" You pulled Kyle away before glaring at the person.

"Hey! he's the one who beated me up so why are you defending him? you should be with me instead!"

You ignored the person while taking Kyle home.

"If I see them flirting with you again I'm gonna-"

Kyle was interrupted by you giving him a kiss.

"Calm down big boy, you'll blow a circuit" You took off Kyle's hat and began ruffling his jewfro.

Maybe he doesn't have to worry at all...💚💚💚💚💚

❤️ Eric Cartman 🌹

He probably won't care, and would just think that you're just trying to make him feel jealous.

But once he sees that its not a joke and the person is for real flirting with you, his emotions is going all over the place.

In order to avoid showing any signs of jealousy, he would probably barge in between you both while trying to revert your attention away from the person.

He continues to do this until you start to catch on.

"Eric? are you jealous?"

"What are you talking about, I'm not jealous of anything you asshole!"

"Don't lie to me, you always show up out of nowhere whenever someone tries to flirt with me"

"I was just only making sure that you're okay. What? you want me to not check on you at all and just ignore you?" You still seem to not be buying it at all.

"I will give you KFC If you tell me the truth" you pulled out a bucket of KFC chicken out of the bag you had in your backpack.

Cartman began to sweat in full nervousness while staring at the KFC and you.

"Fine...! I am jealous....you probably would leave me for those people that flirt with you anyways!"

Cartman was about to go upstairs to his room until you grabbed his hand immediately.

"I may put up with you and your evil ways, but I didn't be your girlfriend/boyfriend for no reason you know..."

You leaned closer to Cartman and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"I love you <3"

Cartman froze for a min before his face was tinted red fully.

First time?❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

🧡 Kenny Mccormick 🍁

He would be a mixture of Stan and Kyle.

He would be jealous and angry at seeing some random person flirting with you.

But at the same time hes insecure so he probably might drag you away from the person while giving him a death glare.

If they still continue to try and hit on you he's gonna take some actions, even If he gets killed in the progress.

Flirting with you is his job, nobody else is allowed to flirt with you!

Please give this poor boy a lot of attention and love so he can feel better :(🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

💛 Tweek Tweak ☕

He is going to be freaking out completely!

He was sitting on the bench with you in the park while drinking his coffee until some random guy decided to flirt with you.

He's definitely going to be having a lot of thoughts.

How are you going to react to that guy? will you leave Tweek for him? do you secretly go out and flirt with other people as well so they try to flirt with you back?? do you actually love Tweek or were you just pretending to all this time???

When the guy tried to give you a kiss you kicked him in the face and it knocked him out.

You turned to face Tweek as you saw him twitching violently and a lil hint of tears were coming out of his eyes. Probably because of all those thoughts he had in his head...

"Oh Tweek..." You gently hugged him while laying his head on your chest.

"Y-Y/n...do you actually love me...or ACK!...were you pretending to this whole UGH! time...??"

Your eyes were full of shock.

"Why would you think that? of course I do love you Tweek!" you pulled him onto your lap and gave him little pecks on his lips.

"Ngh....I didn't like when they guy was flirting with you and it made me think that you must've flirted with him ACK! UGH! before..."

"The only person I would flirt with is you B)" you whispered into Tweek's ear.

His face was red as a tomato. You began to giggle at the sight.💛💛💛💛💛💛☕

💛 Butters Scotch 🪩

He would be pretty nervous and sad at the same time.

Somebody flirting with you is just probably south park throwing shit at him again.

He tried to tell the person that was flirting with you to stop, but they just gave him a black eye right in front of you.

You desperately got angry and punched the person in the jaw and some of their teeth fell out.

"You flirting with me when I have a boyfriend is one thing, but hitting him right in front of me is another!"

Butters basically just watched you beat up the person.

When you were done you took Butters home to get his eye healed.

You had no idea how happy Butters was.

In the end, you both played hello kitty adventure together before cuddling in the night <3💛💛💛💛💛

666 :v

[cartowka]

heiman was not real. yes, they dated but there was no mutual romantic attraction. cartman wasn’t attracted to her. he thought he was, but he wasn’t. heidi is an attractive young girl and eric thought Yknow getting with this girl will make me look good And unadmittedly thought it would make him be more attracted to girls. he never admitted any of this to her. heidi on the other hand was attracted to him….. at times. she kinda thought that being in a relationship was a huge priority and that she had to be in a relationship. she was single, cartman was obviously single, there was a little bit to him besides the side thats a complete asshole/loser, so she got with him knowing the relationship wouldn’t just last a few days. and it did. but eventually they went through so much emotionally abusive shit together that they broke up (for good). though, this relationship did make heidi conclude that eric isn’t straight, but she kept it to herself because she knows how eric is like when someone calls him gay……🙄

idk if i would agree she was necessarily attracted to him in any way but platonic, just pushed the bounds of friendship where they both were in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship because girl plus boy means love but Yeah

[coffeebcy-blog]

((tag drop!))

[englishknightsky]

Damien: Hey Kenny, haven't seen you around here as much recently.

Kenny: Yeah, I cut back on dying, it was getting bad for my health.

Richard: Our delivery boy, Tweek, has been ambushed by a magical wizard king, please expect delays of up to 3 months.

Cartman: My application to art school was rejected, should I get back into politics instead?

Pip: Sometimes I think about the fact that I married a man who dragged me along to crash a high society wine tasting and after every sip he would say "Hm, grapey."

Stan: Dude if you hate Cartman that much you should just take him out.

Kyle: Uh... okay?

Several years later.

Stan as Kyle's best man: I meant 'take him out' as in kill him, by the way.

Kyle: Well it's too late now!

Richard: Tweek, have you been sneaking Craig into your room?

Tweek: What? No, why?

Tweek's parrot, Chai: Fuck! Bitch! Pussy! Cunt! Asshole!

Clyde: He was looking at Craig!

Class: Tweek likes Craig!

Butters: He does not!

Class: Butters likes Tweek!

Kenny: He does not!

Class: Kenny likes Butters!

Wendy: He does not!

Class: Wendy likes Butters!

Mr. Garrison: Nobody likes Butters!

Kyle: Guys, this is David. David, this is my poor friend Kenny, my emo friend Stan, and that's a complete and utter bastard, Eric.

Jimmy: I have a joke for you, but I only remember the punchline.

Timmy: Timmy!

Jimmy: T-tuh-too-tooth hurty.

Timmy signing: When is the best time to go to the dentist?

Jimmy: You complete me.

Richard: Customers are now banned from speaking to Tweek while he's working, as he has ADD and is easily distracted.

Thomas: Craig, every time you refer to your guinea pig as your son I feel old.

Craig: You didn't feel old before even though you're balding?

Thomas: Go to your room. You're grounded.

Craig: Hey babe.

Tweek: Hey, the usual?

Craig: Yes please.

Tweek leans over and kisses his cheek.

Craig: Nice.

Randy: I had a dream that scientists used a really ugly picture of me and named me the missing link between apes and humans, and I was so offended I woke up.

Craig: Okay, no more gossip. I'm gonna be nice this year.

Red: Guess who got caught sucking dick in the bathroom!

Craig: Who?!

Pip: Damien, why do the good die young?

Damien: Usually because me, dad, or the Reaper get confused.

Craig: Stripe cried the entire way to the vet.

Tweek: Aww.

Craig: But if you think about it, he's only ever been in our houses his whole life. Going to the vet is probably like going into space for him.

Tweek: Aww, our little astronaut!

Timmy: I'm not a vegetable, I'm a fruit!

Clyde: You're beautiful!

Bebe: I bet you say that to all the girls.

Clyde: Yeah, but it's your turn to hear it now.

Cartman: Do you guys seriously go around all day being considerate of other people's feelings? How do you get anything done?

Kyle : People say your school days are the best days of your life, but the only way that would be true for me would be if I went right from school to prison, and stayed there until I died.

[eric-cartmans-doublechin]

Stan’s Gang: Driving

Starting with Stan. (Btw I am Canadian, and I have no idea how other countries work or their road rules, so If something sounds off I apologize)

I feel like he’d be the type to want to get his drivers license the day he turns 16.

He likes the independence of not having to ask anyone for rides

Until he gets his own vehicle, he drives Randy’s truck. (I get the vibe he would not be allowed to drive Sharon’s car shown in TFBW)

Stan failed his driver’s test the first time. He’s not a terrible driver, he just speeds and can’t parallel park for shit.

He doesn’t have extreme road rage, but gets annoyed at slow drivers on the road, why the fuck are they doing 50 in a 70?

Kyle

Kyle also gets his license when he turned 16, though he practiced for a couple months until he took the test.

He passed the test the first time. He’s an extremely careful driver; terrified of what Sheila would do to him if he got pulled over. Though, if anything, he drives a little too slow for someone like Stan or Kenny’s liking.

Cartman constantly begs him (and the others) for rides, Kyle basically tells him to shove it.

The road rage on this guy is astonishing. If he gets cut off, be prepared to hear every cuss word ever conceived.

Kenny

Kenny’s parents can’t afford to pay for him to take the test, so he has to save up for it himself. It takes awhile, plus the practice time; he doesn’t get his license till 18

Kenny passed his test the first time thankfully, though he has abandoned most of what he learned the minute he gets it

He’s not a terrible driver, much like Stan, but he’s much more careless. Speed limits are just suggestions. Kyle has given him hell several times for running red lights.

Kenny has been pulled over plenty of times

HOWEVER, if Kenny is giving KAREN a ride somewhere, it’s like he’s not even the same person; almost safer than Kyle

God forbid Kenny is the one to teach Karen to drive

“Karen that’s a red light you need to stop, you’ll get in an accident!!” “The stop light isnt for another 100 meters.”

Cartman

I pray for Cartman’s driving instructor every night before I go to bed

Cartman didn’t get his license until he was 19, though he’s been trying since he was 16.

He is the most reckless driver out of all the boys, and no matter what, you can’t tell him he made a mistake

“This stupid bitch is headed straight for me, MOVE ASSHOLE!” “Eric, you’re on the wrong side of the road”

Cartman didn’t care to get his license at first; he was fine with mooching rides off Stan and Kenny or having Liane drive him everywhere. That is, until Kyle got HIS license.

Mustbebetterthankyle.jpeg

Oh! You thought Kyle’s road rage was bad? Times that by 100 and add a touch of “completely unjustified” to it, and you’ve got Cartman.

99% of Cartman’s issues driving (collisions, accidents, close calls) were his fault.

Butters

Oh, Butters the sweet summer child

His parents won’t allow him to get a drivers license or else he’s grounded bc obviously they want him under their control at all times

Because of this, he doesn’t get his drivers license until his 20s

Luckily, all 4 of the boys take it upon themselves to teach Butters how it’s done

This poor child. Imagine being taught how to drive by both Cartman AND Kyle? A mess.

Butters is probably one of the most capable drivers out of all of them, whether this is due to his age or something else.

[alemonyoyo]

Brutally honest opinion on Buttman // Cartters

Is it brutally honest if I like the ship?

Maybe? Or I will at least try to make it that way.

I'm going to be honest, this ship is adorable if we don't view it from a completely canon POV.

I like this ship because I like to imagine Cartman breaking the norm of his character that is being a gigantic fucking asshole. What I find so likeable about Cartman, other than how funny he is, is the moments where he shows genuine compassion. So when I imagine this ship, and get to think of Cartman treating Butters like a partner in crime rather than a punching bag, being wholesome and huggy, it really makes me squeal in a cringey, fangirly way-

Their dynamic would be very "Hey- Only I can call him ____!" Where Cartman is still overly teasy with Butters, as he is with everyone, but to a far lesser and more protective extent.

I also like to think that Eric convinces himself that his relationship with Butters is like an emotional support for him (meaning Butters), but in actuality, it's the other way around, Butters acting more as an emotional support for Eric, being someone who almost always shows compassion and kindness, even to the most fucked up people.

Realistically, this ship would be worse than Kyman (I say this as a Kyman shipper omg we love self awareness) simply because Butters, although no longer a complete doormat, still lacks the spine that Kyle has- Butters, despite going through a change in character, becoming far less innocent and being more confident, is still easily manipulated by Eric, so as much as I'd like to believe their relationship would begin on equal grounds, it probably would begin with Cartman wanting to trick Butters into thinking he (Butters) is gay.

If I were to sum up this ship, it would be with the faux gay -> lovers trope.