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dr-futbol-blog · 3 months ago

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Duet, Pt 8

McKay had likely been en route to his quarters when Sheppard caught up with him, and next we get to see his private living space for the first time on the show. We don't get to see them a lot. We see his quarters only three additional times, all in the fifth season (McKay talks with Teyla in his quarters in The Seed S05E02, takes a bath in Broken Ties S05E03, and stands in front of a mirror in Tracker S05E09). So, there must be some reason for showing him here, in his own private space, now.

McKay enters, takes off his jacket and ear piece, falling straight to his bed face first and apparently going out like a light.

We don't actually see a whole hell of a lot. He has a dresser, diplomas and possibly certificates of awards on his walls, some photos (not of other people), a photo of the only pussy he cares for on his bed side table, an apple, a large jug (for water?). He also has a new ergonomic mattress. All of this he brought with him from Earth on the Daedalus because the first time, they were allowed one personal item (we never do find out what his one item had been). But it's important to note that this is not what his quarters looked like before they left for Earth. These aren't even necessarily the same quarters that he (they) had then (although the way Sheppard was hanging out by them suggests that these were the quarters they had shared before it all went wrong) but even so, his quarters would have looked different before they revisited Earth.

Now, there's nothing in his room that screams Sheppard in particular, and that's the point. At this time in their relationship, there shouldn't be any--and that's why it's safe to show it to us now. There's a tac vest slung over McKay's chair, but that's just as likely to be his own (although why he would have brought it into his room is anyone's guess, he probably shouldn't be allowed to do that and the tac vest that he was wearing on the planet earlier was probably taken off of him and returned to the armoury; but then again, he rumpled up his jacket and threw it likewise on the chair). Also note that McKay, like Sheppard has seemingly been doing, goes to sleep in his clothes without bothering to undress. Sure, he's tired but this also doesn't seem like the first time he's done this. But this also is not how he usually sleeps, this is a more recent development.

There is a photo on his desk that appears to be of two people of nearly equal height, one of whom has darker hair than the other. It's impossible to see who are in the photo but given what we know of his childhood, it's doubtful that he would keep a constant reminder of his parents on his desk. He is also estranged from his sister at this time, so he probably wouldn't have photos of her. They likely also had no means of taking photographs during their first year in Pegasus, or else we never saw them neither take nor develop photos.

One option is that this is a photo from Sheppard's promotion. This might be supported by it rhyming with the fact that we see a photo of Cadman's promotion or graduation later in her room. She has family, she has people in her life, as we see from the various photos littering her space. He does not. We can't know for certain if this is a photo of himself and Sheppard he has on his desk, but it would make the most sense if that is what it was. Also, it's shot from the neck up which suggests that both people are men.

McKay lays flat on his stomach on the bed, where previously we have seen him sleep in his side. This makes him take up a bigger portion of the bed than if he were spooning with someone, and this obscures the fact that this bed is bigger than the one we see in Sheppard's quarters. This bed fits two people who like to sleep spooning snugly, and his bed seems to be the same size as Cadman's bed that we see later but because they are shot from a different angle, her bed seems wider. McKay's bed also seems to have two pillows even though one of them is currently at the foot of the bed. Now, we see him fall asleep fully clothed here while we later see him "in the buff" in Cadman's bed, in Cadman's space, and are given an explanation that his nudity there is Cadman's influence. We get a chance to see him naked under the covers with the explanation that this is all Cadman, not as himself. But McKay probably doesn't usually sleep fully clothed, either. Or he didn't, before.

Having fallen asleep and turning his brain off, this seems to give Cadman an opportunity to get behind the wheel and drive McKay's body, and she seizes the opportunity. And we see an immediate change in his body language. This is not the body language of an effeminate man and definitely is not the body language of a gay man, this is the body language of a woman in a man's body. And this woman in a man's body seems to have plans.

Cadman feels up McKay's chest to only to find her breasts gone, and this is the first violation of McKay's physical integrity. She feels up his erogenous zone without his consent, never mind that he never consented to give her free use of his body to begin with. Even with a distinct lack of breasts Cadman unzips his shirt to show off his non-existent cleavage because she appears to have designs on what to do now that he can use McKay's body to do what ever she likes. And while we saw very little interaction between Cadman and Beckett out on the field (there, Cadman seemed more interested in talking to McKay about Katie Brown, for some reason real interested in her love life), she suddenly seems to really want him. Like, really want him.

Now, I've written about the Ancients and people with the Ancient gene having this physical pull due to their assortative mating strategy that just makes people with the gene attractive to one another. And while McKay considers Beckett his best friends, likely knows that he's (at least mostly) straight and isn't interested in him like that, now that Cadman is in McKay's body, Beckett seems irresistible to her, all of a sudden. Previously, back in the field, Cadman ignored Beckett in favour of talking about her friend to McKay. Now that she's in his body that has the artificially activated ATA gene, she's willing to full-on violate the bodily autonomy of the chief scientist of Atlantis to get her some of that. This change in her disposition toward Beckett as she changed bodies is pretty telling with regards to this Ancient attraction.

Taking McKay out for a spin, she heads up to Beckett's lab and pretends to be his friend. Beckett, that is, thinks he's speaking with McKay, and his reactions here are pretty interesting. McKay does not seem at all like himself, and Beckett does seem to be weirded out by his behaviour but it's also pretty interesting that he does not for one moment seem to doubt that this is, in fact, McKay. And to be sure, we have seen McKay act like a bitchy queen on a couple of occasions (The Defiant One S01E12, the end of Rising S01E02, his scenes with Peter Grodin), once even with Beckett himself, so while he is rather carefully maintaining masculine performance around the military types in order to protect any non-heterosexual servicemen, it's not as though he's incapable of behaving in this manner when he feels secure and like he's not jeopardizing anyone's military career by casting aspersions on their characters through contact or proximity.

All things considered, it's pretty interesting that McKay's best friend, who knows that he's currently sharing a brain with another person who just so happens to be a woman, does not doubt that this is McKay. So this must be in-character for the McKay he knows. Beckett, his best friend, thinks that he is speaking with McKay:

Cadman: Busy? Beckett: No, no. Come in. How are you feeling? Cadman: Fine. Beckett: Really? Cadman: Hmm. Mainly because of Cadman. She's calming, you know? Between you and me, I am damned lucky it was her.

What's interesting here is that while earlier Cadman told McKay to be cool and he told Sheppard that he was not cool, here Cadman tells Beckett that McKay is fine where McKay is, despite what he may just have told Sheppard, anything but fine.

Beckett: Should you, uh...? Cadman: Oh, she's asleep. Can't hear a thing.

Here, she actually tells Beckett that it's possible for one of them to be completely turned off, and Beckett still does not doubt that he's talking and interacting with McKay here. Even as McKay touches him in a way that seems to weird him out, he doesn't suspect him. Also note: Beckett now thinks that they're in private, that he's having a private conversation with McKay. He thinks that Lieutenant Cadman, a military officer, is not listening in on them. This being the case, we learn something real interesting:

Cadman: Hey, you wanna do me a favour? You know, you wanna ride shotgun on this date tomorrow night? Beckett: With Doctor Brown? Cadman: Katie. Beckett: You're going through with it? Cadman: Well, I've cancelled on her so many times. I don't wanna mess this up.

First, Beckett calls her "Dr Brown" because apparently that's what McKay has been referring to her as with Beckett, if they have ever talked about her at all. Doctor Brown is a member of the science team, and apparently Beckett thinks McKay had been joking about going out with her. He thinks he has to be joking now. Beckett thinks that McKay actually going out with a woman has to be pulling his leg. He had just been fucking with Cadman earlier, right? Beckett says "You're going through with it?" with the incredulity of someone who has no idea why his gay best friend is actually going to go out on a date with a woman.

And also. Here we learned that McKay has canceled on Katie Brown multiple times. So many times. And Cadman knows about this. McKay has canceled on Katie Brown so many times that she's discussed this at ladies' poker night. All in all, it seems like Katie Brown has been the one asking McKay out for dinner, and McKay has been turning her down with ever flimsier excuses. He was going to turn her down now. Even Cadman could tell McKay was going to turn her down because she wouldn't have needed to go through all this trouble to make sure the date happens if she'd believed it would. Now, she thinks McKay is too chickenshit to make it happen, that he's messing it up because he just doesn't understand women. It doesn't occur to her that he might be messing it up on purpose. Beckett seems bewildered by this.

Beckett: But what do you want me to do? Cadman: Listen, I don't think it's any big secret that I am terrible with women. Having someone there to cut me off when I start making a fool of myself would be a great help. I'd consider it a personal favour.

So, Beckett laughs out loud when McKay says it's not a secret that he's terrible with women. Beckett knows his secret, knows just why he is terrible with women (in the sense that he regards and treats women rather awfully, not that he couldn't get one if he wanted to, as it seems like women working for him frequently want to fuck him). But he also seems a little bit freaked out by McKay's proposal here because he's not going to have sex with her on his behalf. Like, he can help a mate out but he draws the line in having sex with a woman that wants to have sex with McKay just so the man can keep his secret, maintain his cover. There's a line to how good of a friend he is and Beckett just discovered where it is. Beckett's "What do you want me to do?" most definitely holds the implication that he thought McKay wants him to do things with Katie Brown that he doesn't want to do, to get physical with her on his behalf.

Note also her use of the phrase personal favour here. Earlier, McKay described having to go on a date with a woman with a woman's consciousness trapped in his brain as his own personal hell. This, here, is most definitely a part of that hell. And Beckett has to really believe McKay is a friend in need that he actually agrees to go through with this. He doesn't know what McKay is on about but he does know his gay best friend cannot survive dinner with a woman that clearly wants to fuck him without a chaperone. He's not agreeing to go because he's expecting a threesome, he's not agreeing to go because he thinks he can help McKay score. He's agreeing to go as a chaperone. He's going to run interference for McKay.

Before turning to leave, Cadman again touches Beckett by patting him on the chest and here she manages to violate the physical boundaries of two men at the same time. As a doctor, Beckett is more used to non-sexual touching than most people but this is not the way that his gay best friend has ever touched him before. He is definitely weirded out by this. But still he has no doubts that he was just talking with McKay. Cadman attempts to make this a manly pat here, performing masculinity and manhood as she understands it. This is meant to cover up for the gentler touch earlier, to convince Beckett that he is talking with a man. Only, Cadman is not a man and hence can only give her approximation of manhood.

Furthermore, she's not even attempting to actually perform McKay here, as she does not know him well enough to perform him effectively. Now, while Beckett senses that something is not quite right, he still does not suspect that this is not McKay. But it's almost certain that this performance would never have worked on Sheppard. Sheppard knows McKay so well that he would have caught her immediately. Earlier in the lab, Sheppard was the first to notice when McKay started acting strangely and just before in the hallway he could tell McKay wasn't alright just from his back, without even seeing his face. Here, he very likely would have clocked something being off before McKay had said a single word just from the way he walked, how he stood with a hand on his hip. Sheppard knows McKay, and it has nothing to do with how masculine or effeminate he's acting. He knows McKay because he has observed him intimately. He knows McKay better than his best friend knows him. There is only one reason for something like that.

Continued in Pt. 9

#sga #stargate atlantis #john sheppard #sga meta #sheppard is bi #rodney mckay #rodney is gay #ep. duet #ep. the seed #ep. tracker #ep. broken ties

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dr-futbol-blog · 3 months ago

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Duet, Pt. 10

From Sheppard telling Teyla that she needs to be careful with what she says around "this guy" we move back to McKay getting dressed in Cadman's quarters, seeming to watch his words around her. Apparently Cadman has told McKay about the date she had arranged for him, and McKay is again categorically refusing the idea. McKay never had the intention of going out with her. Even though he is clearly pissed, it looks like McKay is having to be real careful what he says to her:

McKay: No, it is completely out of the question. Cadman: Why? You'd rather go it alone? McKay: Oh yes, imagine that, I'd rather go it alone!

Here, Cadman assumes the reason McKay is reluctant to go through with it is that he doesn't want witnesses, he doesn't want someone to be there to watch him crash and burn on his date because he's just so bad with women. That he's too embarrassed to want to go through with it even though he really wants to. But note that McKay gives her a categorical refusal. He never had any intention of going on a date with Katie Brown. It's out of the question. But then, as Cadman offers up the excuse that it's just something he'd rather do alone, he takes the excuse and runs with it. Also, with regards to placing his words carefully, what he actually says is that he'd "rather go it alone". She interprets him as meaning that he'd rather go on the date without her, whereas he might actually be saying that he'd rather be single than go out with a woman or someone from his science corps. He would rather go it alone, he would rather be alone. She is really putting him into a difficult situation here.

Cadman: Well, consider the opportunity, right? To have a woman there with you, helping you out, feeding you lines. I really think you could learn something McKay: Thank you for the offer, Cyrano, but I think I'll pass.

McKay calls her Cyrano here (he actually spits out the words with no little amount of venom), and to be sure, she is acting it. But at the same time, it was actually Cyrano that was in love with Roxane in the fictionalized play based on his life, and he merely used the better-looking cadet to indirectly express his love for her thinking that she was out of his league, she would never choose him. And while Roxane is initially enamoured by handsome Christian's outer appearance, she eventually falls in love with his "inner beauty," with the words of Cyrano coming out of Christian's mouth. So if Cadman is Cyrano and she's the one who kisses Katie Brown, she's the one insisting on this date, she's the one who seems to think and talk about her obsessively, it does invite us to wonder who it is that actually is interested in Katie Brown in this scenario. And like Roxane, Katie Brown is mainly a prop in this scenario, a trophy without agency. She's someone to be won over, and it does not seem as though McKay has any desire to court her.

Cadman: I was there when you bumped into her, OK? I felt how nervous and awkward you were. McKay: Well, I'm sure that has nothing to do with my current situation.

To reiterate, Cadman only feels McKay's physical body and is unable to have access to his thoughts. She felt his physical symptoms when he was talking with Katie Brown: he was nervous and awkward. Not excited, not turned on, not happy, not like a man falling in love or even a man harbouring a crush. Nervous and awkward. Again, having to place his words carefully, McKay offers her the explanation that his physical symptoms had to do with Cadman's presence in his mind, she's the one that made him feel that way, not Katie Brown. This may be partially true, as the nervousness certainly could have been brought about by the necessity to keep what had happened to him secret, to not let her notice that anything was amiss. But the awkwardness? Being pursued by a woman working for you after you've turned them down multiple times would make you feel awkward. Having to pretend to be straight because there's a member of the military observing his interaction through his own eyes would make you feel awkward. Now, we don't even know how McKay would have reacted if it hadn't been for Cadman but let's not forget that before Cadman brought it up on the field, he seemed to have forgotten all about it. We have been told again and again that this date is not something McKay wanted to happen.

Note that McKay pauses here, looking almost bewildered for a moment when Cadman tells him that she was there when he bumped into her. He clearly tenses and stops doing what he was doing, afraid to even move until she finishes her sentence, letting him know that she thinks he just has a crush on her and is hence feeling nervous around her. Clearly, that was not it at all. That was an excuse he could run with, it had not been what he felt at that moment. He's literally petrified for that moment he thinks Cadman has caught him in the act of doing something he hadn't supposed to be doing like avoiding the advances of a woman. And note that his reply to her is noncommittal. He's not saying that his current situation is the reason he was feeling nervous and awkward around Katie Brown, he's saying Cadman is free to interpret it that way.

He's actually using sarcasm here, implying that the opposite of what he says is true, but this has to be something he has picked up from Sheppard over time, as he used to not even understand sarcasm when they were just getting to know one another. And given that Sheppard's tone makes many things sound sarcastic that he does not intend that way, McKay's sarcasm detector has to be pretty honed for it by now. So, he's not admitting to anything, he's letting her think what she wants as long as what she thinks isn't anywhere near the truth of it. As long as she thinks he's just being private about his crush, wanting to keep his infatuation to himself and not sully it by sharing it with Cadman, that's fine.

It is clear that as a young woman, she is putting a spin on the events that was simply never there. He doesn't need her help scoring with a woman that has asked him out several times. She's clearly pursing him, what ever her motivation. It very much looks like McKay couldn't fuck it up even if he wanted to. And he doesn't want to. Go out with her, that is. But Cadman keeps living out her match-maker fantasy. Where she's in a romantic comedy, he's in a horror film:

Cadman: C'mon, Rodney, let me do this for you! Maybe this is why this happened. McKay: “This is why this happened”? Cadman: Yeah. McKay: Are you insane? Cadman: Considering our situation here, I think I've been extremely reasonable. I can make this a living hell for you, Rodney. This is something I wanna do, and we're doing it.

He has no response to her threat. McKay is already in hell. This is living hell for him. There is a woman inside him forcing him to go on a date with another woman. We are supposed to think that Cadman wants to do this so badly because she has a crush on Beckett and getting McKay to have dinner with Katie Brown is a way of getting to spend time with Beckett. But like. Beckett is McKay's best friend. They could have spent time together any old way, Cadman could have got to know him through a hundred other activities. She wanted to go on a date with Katie Brown.

It's not about helping out poor old McKay who doesn't want or need her help, it's not about getting to know and spending time with Beckett, it's not about just having something to entertain her while she's trapped in her flesh prison. This is about her interest in Katie Brown and her using McKay to get to her. And the fact that McKay is having to be careful with what he says to "this guy," because he is the warden of confidential information much bigger than his own personal disinterest in Katie Brown in particular and women in general, he is feeling helpless to stop this. You can see just how upset he is by how much trouble he has putting on his watch, how the spiking adrenaline makes him lose fine motor control in his hands.

Come nightfall, Ronon visits Teyla's quarters to apologize. What any of these people did between 2 in the afternoon and nightfall, we don't know. We get a view of Teyla's bed which appears to be the same size as Cadman and McKay's beds, again shot from a different angle. Unlike John Sheppard's bed, all of these beds fit two snugly. McKay's nudity and Teyla's sensual stretching in candle light invite us to wonder what else besides sleeping these beds may be used for.

Teyla and Ronon's conversation gives us some insight into Sheppard's motivation, or at least to how they view Sheppard's actions in this episode:

Teyla: How are you finding your training? Dex: You mean my testing. Teyla: Is that what you think? Dex: Am I wrong? Teyla: Colonel Sheppard believes you can be of great help to us.

Teyla is correct about Sheppard's motivation although she probably does not know the specific reason Sheppard believes Ronon would be an asset to them. The only test Ronon seemed to fail was not refraining from hurting a member of his team. If it was just Teyla, he could take the chance. He knows Teyla is tough and can take care of herself. But this isn't about Teyla, this isn't about Atlantis, this isn't even about his team. Sheppard is testing Ronon specifically for whether he can protect McKay and not pose a danger to him. The first part Ronon seemed to pass with flying colours. It was the second part that concerned him now.

While they are having their late night chat, elsewhere a literal farce of a date is about to take place. Beckett is already at Katie Brown's quarters as McKay joins them which is weird no matter how you slice it. But at the same time, both Beckett and Katie seem to accept his explanation as though not being in a private room alone with a woman is something McKay might want to avoid.

Beckett: I am so sorry. I thought he told you that I'd be joining you for dinner. Brown: Well, he has been under a lot of stress lately. Beckett: Yes, in fact that's why I'm here. Brown: Is he alright?

Katie is much too understanding. She is trying to come up with excuses for McKay's behaviour. She also speaks as though she knows him when we have seen him lie to her multiple times in the short while we have known her. Katie Brown has never seen McKay under a lot of stress, nor does she seem to know that he has done some of his best work in situations of certain doom.

McKay enters like a man on death row, wearing many more layers of clothes than he usually does. Now, later on in Tracker (S0509), due to many events and misunderstandings that we'll get to later, we see how McKay actually dresses when he's trying to impress a woman, which is to wear a revealing, form-fitting T-shirt (and it's rather telling that even when both McKay and Sheppard are trying to hit on women, they seem to employ strategies that would work much better on men, imagine that). If McKay wanted to get with Katie Brown, he probably would have worn the same thing Cadman wore to hit on Beckett the previous night. Form-fitting, show a bit of skin, show off his assets. Here, he's wearing an unnecessary number of layers, clearly wanting to cover up--which is neither McKay nor Cadman's idea of seductive apparel. McKay is not trying to score here.

McKay: I'm late, sorry! Hi. Brown: Carson kept me company. Sit down, the first course is all set to go.

Also, McKay is late. He says that he's late and he doesn't offer it up as an apology, I'm so sorry I'm late. He says "I'm late, sorry!" in a tone that says "Ok, I'm here now. Happy?" like he expects her (or rather, Cadman) to be happy that he bothered to come at all.

Women often strategize to be fashionably late for a date, using the anticipation to increase desire in the man. But Katie Brown is not a man and McKay is not a woman. McKay is late because he doesn't want to be here. Even if he was going on a date with a man he actually wanted to meet, he'd still probably be too excited not to be early. And since this is playing with narrative tropes of gender performance from 20 years ago, a date between two men might well have gone in the reverse order from a date between a man and a woman: fuck first, dinner later, exchange names if it all went really well. In this scene, there are so many layers to performing gender and sexual orientation that it's a whole mess from start to finish. It's a comedy of errors.

McKay: Carson? Beckett: Rodney. McKay: What are you doing here? Beckett: You invited me... McKay: Oh, I did, did I? Cadman: Yes!

Note that McKay does not offer to get the chair for Katie because he is not a gentleman, he's not considerate and he's not trying to impress her. It does not even occur to him to do something like that because he doesn't care what she thinks about him. McKay chooses the seat that is further away from her and it's not because he wants to be able to look at her, as he stares down at his salad in order to avoid having to look at her, and it's not out of shyness. He does not want to be near her and he does not want to look at her. This is not how a man who is falling in love behaves (even when Sheppard tried very hard not to look at McKay in the beginning, it was never because he didn't want to look). This is more on par with the behaviour of a moody teenager that doesn't want to eat with the family but is forced to sit down for dinner.

Now, both Beckett and Cadman know what the deal is. He's pretending for Katie. It's Katie Brown whom he doesn't want to know the state of him. It's to Katie Brown that he continues the charade, continues pretending. Lies. It's not a very good start for a relationship. He sits down and starts stuffing his mouth immediately because he came here just to eat. Cadman, however, has other plans and hence pressures him into giving a toast:

Cadman: Don't start eating, you idiot! Make a toast first! McKay: Yes, yes, yes! A toast... to you! We've been working together for... some time now, a short time, but in that time I've... often found our interchanges very... What I mean to say is that you're very funny and smart, and... and from what I can tell, you... make a delicious salad. So... to you!

So, McKay thinks of her as a co-worker to whom he feels no physical attraction, is the gist of his toast. He's an ideal boyfriend in that he appreciates her personality before her physical assets, as women long to hear that it's their wit and humour that really spark a man's interest, not their hot body. Also, Katie Brown is cute, has a nice smile, has physical attributes that a man might appreciate. But that man is not McKay because he has apparently paid her physical appearance no attention. Because if McKay thought that she was hot, he would say it. He has little to no tact and a very poor filter. He says what he thinks. When later, and again we'll return to the whys and the wherefores later, he tries to flirt with Keller, he flat out calls her attractive. Katie Brown and Cadman both may think that McKay is being a gentleman here only, he's no gentleman. He does not have a gentlemanly bone in his body. He's honest and straightforward, which are qualities that some appreciate and which are at least occasionally good qualities to have, but considerate he is not.

Nor is he subtle; he doesn't know how to couch his words or hide his meaning in platitudes. Here, he simply has nothing to say. He glances at Beckett as though he might help him invent something to say just like he looked at Sheppard when he was having to think of something nice to say to Allina on Dagan in The Brotherhood (S01E16). Back then, when he was turning her down, he told her "You're… very, very smart and… and attractive and whatnot, and... you've got a lot of things going for you even when things don't [work out]." He had to look at Sheppard, who is smart and attractive, to find something nice to say to a woman.

And here, he glances at Beckett and calls her smart and funny, and Beckett is smart and funny. We never receive any evidence that Katie Brown is funny, so this suggests that he again had to look at a man to transfer his qualities on the woman he wanted to let down easy by saying something nice to them.

He can barely look at her as he's saying these things. He keeps avoiding her eyes and even when he's looking at her, he seems more like he's trying to look through her. The best thing McKay can think to say about her is that she makes a delicious salad and she clearly thinks this is a joke when it really is the only thing he can think of. And let's not forget that this is not his favourite food; he prefers MREs and hospital food. As a salad, it's delicious. But he doesn't like salad. And as a woman, she's funny and smart. But he's not interested in women. And he leaves unsaid how he has found their interchanges because he is self-aware enough not to tell the truth on that one. We know from what Cadman said that he has found their interchanges both awkward and unnerving. That's the truth of the matter. That's the maintext of it all.

It's not just that he doesn't fancy her, as an individual woman. It's that the whole idea of sitting down to have dinner with a woman is unsettling him. And we're supposed to find this funny. Comedy of errors. But McKay is in his own personal hell and the Earth just keeps giving way from underneath him, digging him deeper and deeper into hell. He needs a drink.

Cadman: Very good! That wasn't so bad. She's obviously into you, so at least we have that working for us. Now, I was thinking that we m... Wait, McKay. McKay. Stop drinking the wine. You're gonna get drunk. Actually, wait, yes! You need that to loosen up a bit. Finish it off! Good boy! Yeah! Say something, McKay! C'mon, say something that'll start a conversation! McKay: So, um, do you... Brown: Yes? McKay: Forgot what I was gonna say. What was it? Um...

Note Cadman calling McKay a "good boy!" like one would a dog. She's treating him like a pet, like a pet project, and it certainly is as though she has him on a leash here. He has no agency in this, he is forced to sit through a tormenting experience because he is the warden of truths that are not his to disclose to her. She really seems to have him by the short hairs because he seems to be close to crying here, and just as soon as she orders him to do something, he snaps to it like he had a gun to his back. That's the situation McKay feels like he's in, here.

McKay also has nothing to say to Katie Brown. He tries to think of something to say because Cadman is urging him on and he's only doing this because she is blackmailing him to do it (and notice Cadman's use of "us" here, she has an investment in this), and he can think of no topic for conversation whatsoever. And he's not at a loss of words because he's just so infatuated with her, they just have nothing in common and if we learned anything in the previous episode, it's that he has no respect for Botany whatsoever.

This man, who has had a conversation going on with Sheppard for a year that has never ceased when the two of them don't even need to use words to talk to each other can't even fake having a conversation with this woman.

McKay can't even go through with eating dinner with a woman without needing to get drunk. This man is a Kinsey 6. He's not just a little gay, he's permanent settlement on Fire Island gay. He's cornerstore regular at the Castro gay. He's having a named parking spot on Christopher Street gay. He's gay-gay. But the thing is, he's not flamboyant. He's in the closet, he's contracting for an institution that does not tolerate open violation of its regulations. He is forced to pretend that he is straight not just for himself but for other homosexual and bisexual servicemembers that have even less space and freedom for self-expression than he does.

But it's obvious when you know to look for it. It's rainbow coloured klaxons obvious when you're looking at it form the inside. And that's what makes this scene horrific instead of comedic. And it's about to get worse:

Cadman: OK, this is ridiculous! Katie, I really like you. In fact, the past few months here have been made more liveable thanks to you. I wanted tonight to be special, but for reasons I can't go into now, I gotta leave. Brown: I'm sorry to hear that. Cadman: But I don't want you to be insulted or to wonder whether or not I am in'erested in you. Because I am... I am very, very in'erested. See you soon.

First of all, the timeline of events is a little confusing here. They cannot be more than a month in, and McKay having worked with Katie Brown for a "few months" indicates that they had already met on Earth, which is entirely possible. She's new, and she had to have been chosen by him as senior staff for the science corps. So they've known each other for a few months. But she has not lived on Atlantis for a few months yet, neither she nor Cadman have. But time flies when you're having fun. Where time seemed to slow down for McKay when he was dissociating (and what is having a whole other consciousness in his brain symbolic of if not dissociation?), making his agony drag on. Time has probably slowed to him now that he's in his personal hell. But for Cadman, time has flown by. But for her, a month has felt like several months because she's gotten to know Katie, like they've spent so much time in each other's company it's like they've known each other forever.

Now, Cadman is not speaking for McKay here. She might think she's doing him a favour but it seems as though the words she says are words that she herself has longed to say to her. But in pretending to be McKay, she enunciates the word "in'erested" with an exaggerated Ontario accent in a way we've never heard McKay do, pretending to be Canadian. While we don't know where precisely in Canada McKay is from, his accent is vaguely Toronto. She's role-playing McKay because she doesn't think she has a shot at her as herself. She's enjoyed Katie Brown's company, she likes her, she's made her life more liveable. She wanted tonight to be special. She's interested in her. She's Cyrano speaking to Roxane through Christian.

She has completely overtaken McKay's body in her desire to tell Katie Brown these things. Her body language toward her is very different from his because she wants her and he does not. And the things she tells her are things a woman might long to hear. That he likes her without any ambiguity. That he finds her special and that her presence has somehow transformed his dreary, lonely existence. That he desires her but is willing to take it as slow as she needs to, feels both passion for her but is able to control his animal urges. She's presenting him as the hero of a trashy romance novel (she even kisses her like they do in black and white era romantic films), not as the kind of lover Rodney McKay really is, in his heart of hearts. He would never say these things, not even to Sheppard for whom he might even mean them (in fact, the things Cadman says here are words that Sheppard might rather have spoken to him some time between The Defiant One S01E12 and Before I Sleep S01E15, although not in so many words).

Now, before she dramatically takes off, Cadman embraces Beckett's cheek and again, hilarious. A man touching another man in a romantic way. But it's interesting that Beckett seems more bewildered by watching his gay best friend hitting on a woman than he does by this touch. He can understand that even though he doesn't precisely approve. Everything that happened before that touch in front of his own eyes, he couldn't believe was happening.

And we're lead to believe that this is because Cadman has a crush on Beckett, having been the reason she convinced Beckett to accompany them in the first place. But like I mentioned previously, she really didn't seem that interested in him back on the field when she was still in her own body. If anything, she was interested in talking about Katie. Now, she might be bisexual. This scene is certainly implying a bicuriosity in her, like she's interested in Beckett but is capable of making out with a woman at the same time. Girls kissing girls, no big deal.

Only... her interest in Beckett may have its genesis in McKay's body, and in the ATA gene in particular. Beckett is a natural carrier of the gene, and if there is this strange pull between people carrying the gene, Cadman may be both unaccustomed and unable to resist the genetic resonance between their bodies. Just like Dr. Kusanagi, who very likely carried the authentic gene as she was third in line for using the Ancient control chair after Beckett and who seemed unable to resist McKay, it could be that it is Cadman in McKay's body that is unable to resist Beckett. McKay himself, although he finds Beckett attractive (because why not, he's a cute Scot), doesn't want him because he considers him a friend. Just like Sheppard may find Teyla attractive, there's no desire there because they are friends. The attraction between good friends is not a sexual attraction, it's liking them and enjoying their company.

And having Cadman in McKay's body gives us an interesting insight into the difference between these categories. In McKay's body Cadman wants Beckett but loses this desire once her own body is returned to her. McKay, on the other hand, may well experience this resonance around Beckett but would never act on him because he's not interested in him like that. For McKay, it's academic, just like Katie Brown is. And kissing her feels like kissing her sister just like kissing April Bingham had been back in the day. This is the second woman he has ever kissed, far as we know. Samantha Carter kissed him on the cheek mostly out of pity, partly just to fuck with him. And he seriously, seriously could have done without this experience. This is a violation of his boundaries the kind of which really should get her reprimanded by her superiors, but of course she gets Scot free because she's a woman and this is hilarious (and because calling attention to the fact would be all kinds of stupid, he might as well make use of this by pretending; she's not the first beard in history; this is why there's a veil symbolically covering her bed where all the other beds we see in the episode are clearly visible).

But he does feel violated. He feels wronged. He feels nauseous. He is freaking out on multiple levels. What she did is so many kinds of fucked up that he doesn't even know where to start repressing what was just done to him. This is not a romantic scene. This is bonafide body horror.

Continued in Pt. 11

#sga #stargate atlantis #john sheppard #sga meta #sheppard is bi #rodney mckay #rodney is gay #ep. duet #ep. tracker #ep. the brotherhood #ep. the defiant one #ep. before i sleep

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