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latetaektalk · 8 months ago

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love to hate you | jjk [viii]

“when obnoxiously rich and spoiled frat boy jeon jungkook comes up to you one day and asks you to fake date him for money, you definitely should have said no. because before you knew it, you were going on insta dates with him and having lunch with his equally obnoxiously rich and spoiled friends.”

— genre: sexual themes, angst, fluff, fratboy! AU, fake dating! AU, college! AU, rich kid! AU, enemies to lovers! AU

— pairing: jungkook x female reader

— word count: 18.351

— warnings: swearing/cursing, communication skills nowhere to be found, chronic overthinking, emotional rollercoaster, confusingly set during christmas <3

— a/n: and just like that we've crossed 100k !! its here, the big one. by far one of my favourite chapters that ive written so far!! hope you guys enjoy it!! praying yall wont hate me for this one haha once again, this is inspired by To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before by Jenny Han!

You didn’t miss the look Chaeyoung and Jisoo exchanged, or the way Hoseok longingly looked after Jimin as he quickly walked away to get everyone some food after you sat down, or how Jimin muttered something about how someone clearly needed something to eat. The comment didn’t bother you because he was right and you could admit as much.

The mall had never been your favourite place to go, and even less so today. The Christmas decoration put up around you seemed overly tacky and in bad taste, and you could have ripped off your ears, sick of listening to the same three Christmas songs over and over again. You closed your eyes that ached from the bright colourful lights, and scrunched your nose when your arm bumped into one of your shopping bags. Your patience hung by a string, the fibers breaking with every passing second. Everything hurt, from your head to your arms and your feet.

Nothing was right, and there seemed to be no end to it.

“Fries?”

Jimin specifially offered them to you, placing two medium plates of golden fries in the middle of the table. You took him up on it, taking two and throwing them into your mouth. The fries were bland and not salty enough but you took three more pieces, shoving your face full. As if the grease and carbs would fix anything.

“Do you wanna try the thrift store that Ji suggested?” Chaeyoung asked, choosing her words carefully, and you cringed, shaking your head.

“No.”

The silence continued, and you didn’t miss the looks your friends exchanged. There was clearly a conversation going on over your head, but you didn’t care, reaching for one fry after the other.

“Y/N, it’s gonna be fine,” Jimin said in the end, putting his arm around your shoulder. Bold, but when was he not. “Don’t be so down. That one dress- the beige one looked great on you!”

“Yeah, but also, they don’t care about what you wear,” Jisoo continued, not allowing you to even begin to disagree.

“And you still have time to find the perfect thing, right? If you do decide that the dress isn’t up to standard. Didn’t you get some stuff online too?” Hoseok asked, trying to get you to look at him, but you just closed your eyes and pulled your lips into a line.

They didn’t get it. But telling them that would be of no use, just like how their words didn’t encourage you the slightest bit.

“I promise you Kook’s parents are really the sweetest people I’ve-”

“Yeah, maybe, I don’t know,” you mumbled, cutting off Jimin. You rubbed your eyes until you saw black spots. With a sigh, you leaned back. “I’ll figure it out, I think.”

There was no confidence in your words. To you, it seemed like your life was about to end, all over a stupid outfit you couldn’t put together. The thought almost made you laugh and cry at the same time. This was as ridiculous as it could get.

“What did Kook say?” Chaeyoung asked, and you frowned.

“About what?”

She blinked at you, her brows creasing together. “Well, have you talked to Kook about any of this? How you’re worried about meeting his parents?”

You pressed your mouth into a line, and you didn’t even know where to begin. It seemed futile to you to explain that you possibly couldn’t tell Jungkook about all of the thoughts suffocating your mind. You would look stupid, like an absolute fool. You would look like you cared, and really, you didn’t. It would weird him out—how much you stressed about it, how much it was on your mind. But then again, really, actually, you didn’t care at all. You just were… especially irritable these days. Hormones were raging—your period, of course, greeting you just a day prior.

“No,” you exhaled, shaking your head. You didn’t know what exactly you were denying—you being stressed about meeting his parents, or you not talking about it to him. Probably both. “He’s busy with his stuff. He’s got a paper to finish- it’s fine.”

And even though you closed your eyes, you knew your friends were looking at each other. There was a carefulness with which they spoke to you, and you did feel bad. Just nothing seemed to lift your spirits.

“I’m sorry. I haven’t been in… a good mood these days,” you told them, getting more annoyed at yourself for being the way you were. You hid your face in your hands. “I don’t know what’s up with me.”

“It’s fine,” Jimin assured you. “We know you’re stressed.”

Jisoo placed an arm around you, leaning her shoulder against yours. She opened her mouth before closing again, ultimately she decided to speak.

“What if… you don’t go?”

“Ji,” Jimin whispered, looking at her as if she had just suggested something criminal.

“I’m just saying— it’s stressing her out so much, maybe she shouldn’t go.” Jisoo shrugged, believing her suggestion to be rather harmless. “She can meet his parents another time, right?”

You looked at her. She grimaced, apologetic, about to backpedal, taking your expression as offence. But you waved her off. Her suggestion was meant well, you knew that. It would also be more than a lie to say you hadn’t thought about it too. Of course, you had. But you couldn’t do it. Not when the image of Narae popped into your mind every time you did consider it.

“Okay, fine,” Jisoo sighed, relenting. “But I’m just saying he’ll understand if you don’t want to go. It’s not like you guys are getting married.”

Chaeyoung mumbled something to her, but you couldn’t hear it. If you had to guess she told her to lay it off, which you were admittedly thankful for.

“I don’t even have gifts,” you groaned, remembering that your outfit wasn’t the only issue plagueing your mind. “Do I bring an actual gifts? Or just wine? Flowers? Something more personal? I don’t fucking know.”

“Do you have to bring them anything?” Hoseok asked, frowning. “I mean yeah, I guess it’s Christmas and you’re meeting them for the first time, but I don’t know, I’m not sure if you have to bring them anything.”

“I don’t think you do. They’re just happy to meet you, I promise,” Jimin said, squeezing your shoulder, but somehow, his answer annoyed you even more. Because what if he was wrong? And they use it as a reason as to why they didn’t like you because you showed up empty handed? Poor and rude? You wouldn’t even take a single step in their home. And even if Jimin was right, that they were just happy to meet you—it seemed even worse. Because all you had to show for yourself to Jungkook’s parents then would be…. yourself.

And what if that wasn’t enough?

You groaned, leaning back again. Everything was making your situation only worse, giving you an even bigger headache, feeding the heavy pit in your stomach. And as you spiraled, you didn’t notice the rather obvious text Chaeyoung send, or the even more obvious way Jimin’s phone lit up on the table to display it, just for him to quickly grab it and start typing. Jisoo leaned over to look, and Chaeyoung quickly mumbled something into Hoseok’s ear. You wouldn’t even notice the way Chaeyoung jumped when you spoke suddenly again,

“Let’s just finish eating and go home. I wanna go home.”

No one protested.

By the end, the fries were gone and the grease had eaten through the recycled brown paper plates, and your mood wasn’t much better, still the same level of annoyance always buzzing in the back of your mind. Grabbing the bags from the various shops you had walked in and out of with your friends today, you made your way out of the mall. Stepping outside, you hugged yourself, the wind harsher than the past few days.

“What way is your car again?” you asked, teeth gritting. Your question was aimed at Chaeyoung, but you didn’t have the nerve to look at her. With the tip of your boot, you scraped against the concret, enjoying the way it rolled back and forth. You lifted your head when no one would answer, confused by the silence.

“Oh, uh,” Chaeyoung began, glancing at Jimin who was typing away on his phone. “Give us… a minute.”

She said it as if it was a question, gesturing for you to wait. You looked over to Jisoo and Hoseok for some sort of explanation, but they both kept their mouths shut.

“Where’s your girlfriend’s car?”

Hoseok blushed, and you knew he still wasn’t used to the development of his and Chaeyoung’s relationship. It was cute, and it did make you smile a little.

“Just tell me.”

You tried nice. Nice didn’t work.

“I-I don’t know.”

You sighed, your hands on your hips, shopping bags knocking on your legs. The cold wavered your voice.

“Ji?”

But rather than even say anything, or make an attempt to stall you, she waved you off, flicking her wrist back and forth. At least, Hoseok and Chaeyoung tried to dismiss you subtly.

“Oh my God, what are you guys looking at? Can we just go home, I’m really cold here and I just wanna-”

“Ah, yes, he’s here!” Jimin exclaimed before slapping his hand over his mouth, eyes wide. “Oops.”

You stopped, not needing a second to understand. Jisoo punched his arm.

“You texted Jeon?”

If you were upset and annoyed before, you were even more so now. You leaned forward, as if the reality weighed down on you and physically pushed you. Your eyes darted back and forth between your friends before ultimately landing on Jimin, who was shrinking in on himself.

“Are you guys for real?” you hissed, your eyes rolling into the back of your head. You could have ripped out your hair. “But why?”

Everyone looked to Chaeyoung. “We- we think it’d be good if you talk to him. You’re clearly stressed about meeting his parents, so why not talk about it?”

She added on a smile, and you closed your eyes, groaning.

“Guys, I’m fine.” You dug your hands through your hair, looking over your shoulder, relieved to see that he was nowhere. “Where is he? Is he here already? Tell him to go home. He has a paper to-”

An arm wrapped around your shoulder, and you didn’t need to look to know who it was.

“Go home.”

“Damn, hi, it’s nice to see you too, cabbage,” Jungkook laughed, grinning at you even as you frowned at him. He pinched your nose, and you didn’t even have it in you to swat his hand aside, closing your eyes instead.

“You guys weren’t kidding. She’s in a bad mood.”

Your frown deepened, mouth setting into a thin line. Jungkook squeezed your shoulder, quietly apologising to you for his comment, but his smile remained on his lips.

“Alright, I think—” Chaeyoung hooked her arm into Hoseok’s. “—it’s time to go.”

“Yeah, don’t worry, I’ll take her home,” Jungkook said, nodding to confirm his own words. “Get home safe.”

“Great, text us when you get home,” Jisoo said, waving at you. “We love you, Y/N! And oh, nice scarf!”

Jungkook laughed, thanking her.

“Yeah, good luck, Kook! Also love ya, Y/N!” Jimin laughed before taking off, sprinting ahead, scared you might just throw one of your bags after him. (Which you were strongly considering) The others waved you goodbye, and even though you were more than ticked off, you did the same, mumbling a goodbye their way. God knows they had put up with your attitude with enough grace today already. You sighed once they left your sight, shrugging off Jungkook.

You looked at him and your gaze softened, if only a little. Even more so when you saw it, wrapped around his neck so prettily. There was something very messy about him today—his hair not done in its usual way, hanging into his eyes, getting longer each time you saw him, the collar of his coat not folded down properly. If you had to guess, he had walked out the moment he got the text from Jimin. But he had thought of your scarf, looped it around his neck carefully. Looking at him now, out in the cold, you were glad you had invested the time into learning how to knit. The scarf suited him, the red matching him well. You were almost tempted to knit another one, one in every colour.

“You’re wearing the scarf.”

“Of course,” he returned, smiling at you, and you wondered if his cheeks hurt, red from the cold.

The thought embarrassed you. You looked down, returning to rolling the tip of your boot on the conrete, back and forth, back and forth.

“Go home.”

“Okay, yeah, let’s go home together.”

He reached to take the bags from you, but you pulled away, lifting your head. “No, Jeon, go home. I’m fine.”

Jungkook shoved his hands into his pockets, shaking his head. This wasn’t going to be easy, he realised. “And how will you get home?”

His question made you frown, as if that was the issue at hand right now. You almost scoffed.

“I’ll walk-”

“Right, because walking in the cold is such a good idea, hm?

“Fine, I’ll take the bus.”

“Do you even know where the next bus station is?”

“I can look it up.”

“Or you can just, you know,“ he leaned towards you, and you couldn’t back off, “not be so stubborn and let me just give you a ride home.”

You pursed your lips, shaking your head. Why was he being oh so frustrating? Why couldn’t he make this easy for you? Why wasn’t he at all discouraged by your behaviour? It didn’t make any sense to you. He should be annoyed with you and your attitude, infuriated because you were being difficult for no real reason. And yet, he smiled and laughed at you, showed you patience. It was strange to you, unexpected.

“I never asked you to pick me up.”

It was like you were a goddamn teenager, fighting with her parents, trying your very best to tick them off. It was like you wanted him to be mad at you, and in some ways, in some real ways, maybe you did. You felt sorry for your friends about your attitude, but not with Jungkook somehow. For some reason, you couldn’t extend the same empathy to him. At least not in this moment.

He didn’t say anything, hesitated, his brows creasing together. His eyes darted to the ground before ultimately finding you again, tongue in his cheek, nodding. For a moment, you thought you won, did it.

“Yeah, you didn’t,” Jungkook said, taking one two three steps in your direction, slowly prying the shopping bags from you. “But I’m still here to pick you up.”

And when he met you with a smile, you knew there wasn’t anything you could do. You let your head hang, as tears shot into your eyes. It had never happened before, you were never one quick to cry, but right now you felt like it. You blinked them away, not allowing Jungkook to know.

He took your silence as a sign of defeat, which it was. Very much so. He had won, and you had to admit that you were actually relieved. That he had proven you wrong, that he hadn’t just left after you had repeatedly insisted he should, or gotten annoyed and sick with you.

Jungkook shifted all of the shopping bags into one hand, using his free one to grab yours. Like he would, of course he would, he placed a kiss on the back of your hand before putting your hands into his coat pocket to keep warm, together. You could have begun crying again.

“Be a good girlfriend, alright?” he told you, leading you to his car, and you scoffed, hoping your voice didn’t sound as unstable and shaky as you felt.

“Be a good girlfriend?” you repeated, raising a brow. Jungkook was quick to see his mistake and correct himself,

“I mean, let me be a good boyfriend to my girlfriend and pick her up after a—” He hesitated, squinting as if he was searching for the right word. “—fun, right?”

There was something inherently cheeky and smug about Jungkook. But you couldn’t quite take offence to any of it, nodding, even if you knew that today wasn’t the funnest day. (And you were to blame.)

“Fun day at the mall with her friends.”

You pressed your lips together. “But what about your paper?”

He paused and looked at you before shaking his head and laughing. “Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m almost done. I’ll finish it at your place.”

His hand squeezed yours, and you hated how warm he made you feel. How the warmth spread from your chest to the the tips of your ears and feet. How even if you tried, he remained patient with you. You hated it because it made it so much harder, for you not to fall for him again and again. You hated it because you almost believed him that you could be one of those stupidly in love couples that held hands in their pockets and made each other scarfs.

Jungkook opened the car door for you, and you climbed inside, thankful for the few seconds you had to yourself as he loaded your shopping bag into the trunk. Without a word, he gave you his phone, and by now, you knew the drill.

You unlocked his phone in second before quickly typing in your current location into Google maps. Your address popped up at the top, bookmarked, when you tapped to enter the destination. Handing him his phone back, you wondered what Jungkook’s password meant, 09052020. It seemed so oddly specific, but you didn’t bother asking.

“You should show me what you got.”

The water remained in your mouth a second longer before you swallowed it, slowly screwing the top back on the bottle, eyes set on Jungkook. You shook your head and leaned against your kitchen counter. He was just a few steps away from you, sitting on your couch, taking up all the space, arms spread left and right.

“Yeah, I don’t think so.”

He gave you a look, as if to say oh please! His head rolled back for a second.

“I think you should.”

You didn’t respond, pulling your phone out of your pocket instead. Deeming your silence as enough of an answer, you scrolled through your phone, opening the group chat between your friends and you, your feet crossing at your ankle. But before you could even read one text-

“But isn’t that why you were in a bad mood?”

It seemed brave of Jungkook to address it so openly. Or maybe just incredibly honest. You couldn’t do it. He didn’t seem afraid at all that you might just dip back into your bad mood at the mention of it and come out bats swinging. It was admirable in some ways. You didn’t rememeber him to be this confrontative a few months ago when you started this, him and you. He seemed to have found a confidence with you now, convinced he knew the ins and outs of you. Maybe he did. He probably did, in some ways. You couldn’t say if you liked it all that much.

You snorted, an attempt to make light of the situation. “Yeah, so why bring it up again?”

Jungkook reached his hands out to you, a gesture for you to come his way. You thought about it for a moment before abandoning both your phone and the water bottle on the kitchen counter and moving over. He scooted to the edge of your couch to allow you to step between his legs. His hands held yours, thumbs brushing the inner part of your wrist, back and forth.

“My parents don’t care,” he told you, staring up at you with his big eyes, squeezing your hands as he spoke, physically stressing his words. “They really don’t care, I promise you. They’re just excited to meet you. And so am I, excited.”

He paused, allowing his words to sink in with you and take effect.

“But I know you care and you’re stressed about it,” Jungkook mumbled, and you couldn’t look at him, eyes finding the floor instead, right where your carpet curled up because sometimes your couch would dig into it and flip it up. It was so very embarrassing that he knew how much you cared. It felt like you were ripping out your heart and letting him inspect it. You wanted to correct him, set the record straight that really, you didn’t care at all whatsoever! but it felt like a cheap attempt, even more humiliating.

“So why don’t you show me?” he asked, shaking your hands to get you to look at him. You didn’t want to but did anyway. His gaze was soft, just like his smile, and his hair fell into his eyes. You brushed it away. It made his smile widen, so much so he brought your hand to his lips and kissed it.

It was sealed for you then.

“Alright, fine,” you sighed, defeated, moving away from him to dig through your shopping bags. “Look away.”

“What? Why?”

“What do you mean?” you frowned. “I’m changing.”

Jungkook’s features morphed from a frown to a smile in a second before he ultimately began laughing. “Are you really gonna be too embarrassed to change in front of me?” He gave you a moment to deny it. “I’ve seen and touched-”

“Oh my God, just turn around,” you hissed, and for some reason, your cheeks were as hot as the sun. “Either that, or I won’t try on anything.”

He exhaled the most dramatic sigh he could, making a point to show you that he even pressed his hands to his eyes. Just for that, you wanted to kick him. But you should have known that Jungkook wasn’t quite done, needing to squeeze in one more comment, purely to annoy you and nothing more. There wasn’t anything serious about it at all, no deeper meaning.

“Are you gonna be like this when we’re married with kids?”

You froze, arms up and your face mushed together by your sweater and half of your body exposed to the naked air with only your bra to show for. He wasn’t serious, you knew. There was lightness and an obvious teasing embedded with his words. You doubted Jungkook even expected a response from you, probably just enjoyed knowing he made you flustered even if he couldn’t see it. And yet, your heart began pounding and your hands sweating and your cheeks burning and your mind reeling for any possible retort you could offer. Before you could stutter something, he spoke again,

“Sorry.”

The smile was evident in his voice, and when you finally peeled off your sweater, you turned out to be right. You shook your head, throwing your sweater at him before you could think better of it. It hit him in the face.

“Ow, cabbage! That’s not fair, I have my eyes-”

“I’m so close to kicking you out, you know?” you mumbled, keeping your voice quiet as if raising it by any means was dangerous. You pulled off your pants and your stockings you had layered underneath for some extra warmth.

“I said I’m sorry, cabbage.”

But Jungkook sounded far from sincere. You didn’t bother responding, grabbing one of the shopping bags and slipping on the sweater you had thrifted. It was off the shoulders and this warm midnight blue colour, rich and beautiful and cozy. You moved to your old dresser and pulled out the black maxi skirt you had thought to combine it with. The outfit was simple, but with the right accesoires (ones you would still have to buy which the thought of it already gave you a headache), it could work. At least, it could in theory because when you looked at yourself in your full body mirror (which you had thrifted when you had first moved in), you frowned.

“Can I look?”

You gave a grunt in response, still looking at your reflection as if you had put together the most hideous outfit possible. It wasn’t much of a yes or no, so for a few seconds Jungkook hesitated, but he slowly peeled his eyes open.

“Oh, cabbage! You look so amazing-”

“No.”

It was as simple as that for you, shaking your head.

“What? But you look-”

“I don’t like it,” you said, already moving to take off the skirt. “Close your eyes.”

You expected some sort of protest from Jungkook, but he actually did as you said. Just as quick as you had decided that the outfit wouldn’t work, you peeled it off of you. You rummaged through your next shopping bags, looking at the pieces you had gotten—a cream knit sweater and white maxi skirt. But all of a sudden, you hated it. You clearly remembered loving the clothes in the store, giving the outfit a couple spins and scrutiniscing it from head to toe until it was deemed worthy of your money. But right now as you looked at it, you felt quite the opposite.

With a sigh, you pulled the last shopping bag towards you. It had the dress your friends had mentioned you should wear. This time, you didn’t inspect it any further, not having the nerve for it. So you just bunched up the fabric and slipped it on. But you didn’t tell Jungkook you were finished changing. Instead you turned and looked at yourself in the mirror first.

Jisoo had found it for you—a maxi slip dress. It was in a beautiful and rich wine red colour, oozing warmth, and soft to the touch. The satin flowed down your body, hugging your curves, and reflecting your dim living room lights like water. Lace was stitched along the neckline, which otherwise probably would have been a little too low given the occasion. The straps securing the dress were tied up into small ribbons around your shoulders, giving it a more dainty and playful look. The slit on the left side reached up until your knee, allowing the fabric to move along with your body in harmony. It was a beautiful dress, made for any occasion with the correct accessoires and styling.

You were objectively and undeniably beautiful in it.

And yet, you stared at yourself as if it wasn’t, brows knitted together and lips pursed in a pout, eyes wandering up and down. It wasn’t insecurity—you felt great and comfortable in the dress. But something about it just wasn’t right. You tried imaging yourself all dolled up in it, hair and makeup done to your liking, but the frown remained. It wasn’t perfect enough.

You shook your head, moving to take it off. When you turned on your heel, you looked straight at Jungkook, and Jungkook looked straight at you. His eyes were big and wide and set on you, his mouth agape and curling up into a smile. You gasped, both in surprise and upset.

“W-why are you looking?” you hissed, feeling the heat crawl up your neck, and you threw your arms around yourself.

“I’m sorry. You- you just took so long, cabbage. And so I looked and…” Jungkook finished his sentence with a simple shrug and smile. You frowned at his answer, shaking your head.

“Close your eyes,” you spat through gritted teeth, turning around to change out of the dress. “I’m changing-”

“What? Why?” Jungkook sounded genuinely confused, jumping up from his seat and moving your way, shaking his head. “You look amazing! Please don’t change. I love this dress on you!”

He stopped short in front of you, turning you around and taking your hands into his.

“This dress suits you so well,” he whispered as if it was some sort of secret. You looked to the mirror behind you, inspected yourself, eyes shooting up and down. Jungkook stepped behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, his fingers interlacing in front of the soft of your belly. He pushed you to lean fully against him, his eyes scanning every inch of you.

“You’re so pretty. So very pretty.”

His words tasted like Christmas chocolate, were thick with honey and sugar, stuck to your teeth. They were bad. Horrible. For you and your heart. Because they sounded so very believable.

“You look incredible.”

He finished with a kiss to the back of your head, and you didn’t know where to look. You placed your hands on his, tentatively, and he was quick to take them into his, scoop them up and hold them tight. He had to know, you thought to yourself, how hard your heart was beating.

“Don’t you like it?”

You met his gaze in the mirror, mouth settled into a line.

“I like the dress,” you said, tilting your head.

“But?”

“I don’t like it for…”

“Meeting my parents?” Jungkook supplied when you wouldn’t finish your sentence, and you didn’t answer, averting your gaze instead. “What do you not like about it?”

You closed your eyes, feeling so very silly. Because you couldn’t say. You didn’t know. There shouldn’t be anything to dislike about the dress, nothing about it was wrong—you loved every little detail, and even more how you felt in it.

“What do you think?”

“I don’t think my opinion really matters here,” Jungkook laughed, and you peeled your eyes open, a smile tugging on the corners of your lips. He was annoying. Just couldn’t provide you with a simple answer when he even has already voiced his thoughts. “But I think you look really pretty in this dress.”

You scrunched your nose. “How pretty?”

“So pretty I wouldn’t mind going blind now.”

You smiled, no, grinned. He was so stupid.

“So pretty I can’t believe you don’t like it.”

You tilted your head to the side.

“So pretty I don’t want you to ever take it off again.”

He pressed kisses to your neck and shoulder, nose burying into your hair, words mumbled into your skin, and hands beginning to wander further south, scrunching the fabric. You let him.

”So pretty I want to take a picture of you and print it out and hang it up above my bed and also keep another one in my wallet and change my background picture to-”

“O-okay, enough!” you said, pushing him away from you because your limbs were beginning to tingle and burn, and his touch was sending shocks through your entire body. Even more so, his hands were beginning to go to places he shouldn’t, not right now at least. You made sure to keep him at an arm’s length, palm pressing into his chest, in fear he’d simply close the distance if you didn’t physically stop him.

“You’re so ridiculous, Jeon,” you said, shaking your head, laughing a little. “You can never be serious, can you?”

“But I am! I’m very serious! Looking at you makes me wanna-”

You were quick to shake your head, hands pressing to your ears because no no no, you didn’t want to know! All while you were smiling, grinning almost. Without realising it, Jungkook had done the impossible—lifted your mood, made you laugh when you felt irritated and annoyed by everything before.

“Fine, I won’t tell you!” Jungkook sighed, dramatically rolling his eyes. You looked at him, lowering your hands, your smile cemented on your lips.

“You’re so stupid, Jeon,” you mumbled, scrunching your nose, and he gasped in faux upset.

“That’s so mean, cabbage!”

“Oh, just shut up.”

Jungkook slung his arms around your middle, doing so before you could even think to stop him. His chin dropped to your shoulder, hands scopping up yours again and eyes meeting in the mirror.

“So, what do we think?”

You raised a brow. “Now, it’s we? I thought your thoughts didn’t matter-”

He sighed, closing his eyes for a second. “Fine, what do you think?”

And you inspected yourself again, gaze wandering up and down. You didn’t know what it was, but the dress seemed different now. It was still the same fabric, same cut, nothing had changed, but you remembered why you had bought the dress, why you had taken Jisoo up on her offer to try it on when she had shown it to you. Because it was beautiful, even more so with you in it.

“Is this the dress?” Jungkook whispered into your ear, and you knew he was hoping for a yes.

You tilted your head to the side, heart beating faster when you opened your mouth. Because yes, it was. The dress, choosing it, it was another step closer to meeting Jungkook’s parents, another hurdle out of the way. Your eyes met his in the mirror, his face so close to yours. The two of you standing there together, you almost could convince yourself you were an actual couple.

“Yeah, it is.”

He beamed, tightening his arms around you, letting out a small sigh of relief. “Okay, good, I’m glad.”

You lowered your gaze, and you wondered if he maybe feared you wouldn’t go because you couldn’t find anything to wear. If maybe that was the reason for why he came so quickly because he didn’t want you to use that excuse. Because otherwise he would have to explain to his precious and perfect parents why his girlfriend refused to meet them-

“How does the 22nd sound to you by the way?” Jungkook asked, pulling you out of your trains of thoughts, almost as if he knew. He mumbled the words into your skin, and you felt every move of his lips. “To meet my parents, I mean.”

Just eight days.

“Y-yeah, that… should work,” you returned, breathless and high pitched, eyes finding the floor. He stared at you in the reflection, nudging you to do the same. You hesitated, but did as he said, breath hitching in your throat when you saw the way he was looking at you, oh so sincere and genuine.

“It’s gonna be fine.”

There was something assuring about the way he said it. If anyone elses told you these words, it would do you no good, bring you no relief. But when he did, it did. It was silly really.

“I promise you.”

“Yeah, really, Jeon?” you laughed shallowly, tucking a strand behind your ear and swallowing. “You promise me?”

And as if looking at your mere reflection just wasn’t enough for him, Jungkook turned you around by your hips, forcing your eyes to meet his.

“I promises you, cabbage. I won’t leave you for one second, alright? Hell, I will drive you there and home again, okay? I’ll be there with you for every second of the day, from the moment you wake up to the moment you go back to bed, glued to your side, so much so you’ll be so annoyed by me that you’ll want me gone. You won’t even go the bathroom on your own, okay?” He paused for a second, scrunching his nose. “I’ll make sure you will have the most non awkward but perfect and fun evening possible.”

His phrasing made you laugh, ebbed the waves of anxiety crashing onto your mind over and over again when you thought a little too much about the next week. His parents, him and you, in one room.

“It’s gonna be great.”

Jungkook smiled at you, a little too bright and too wide. You returned it to the best of your abilities, letting him pull you back into a hug, eyes falling shut.

“Okay, I believe you,” you told him, hearing his heart beating in his chest. “For once.”

He tightened his arms around you.

(“Do you think it will have snowed by then?” he asked you when the intro to the new episode of Avatar began playing on his laptop. You looked up, eyes catching his, your head rested against his chest and his arms around you.

“What?”

“By the 22nd I mean. Do you think it will have snowed by then?”

You frowned, thinking of the last few winters. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

He thought about your answer for a few more seconds, looking off to the side before returning your gaze. “I hope. I’d like to spend a proper white Christmas with you.”

“Pray to the Gods then,” you said. “Chances aren’t so good.”

The past few years it had always only snowed in January.

“Oh, I do, every day,” Jungkook laughed, and you hummed, focusing back on the episode and missing the way his gaze softened at your sight.)

“Okay, so I’ll be back right before New Year,” Chaeyoung said, giving her calendar one last look before snapping it close again. “Who of us is gonna be here?”

Hoseok and you both let out affirmative noises, and Jimin raised his hand in a yes as well, mouth stuffed with his sandwich. You scooted closer to the table to let a guy squeeze through as he made his way to the lunch table with his friends, a tray full of bland and dry cafeteria food.

“I’m not sure yet,” Jisoo said, taking a handful of grapes from her purple grape shaped lunch box and plopping each one into her mouth. “My sister asked if I wanted to celebrate New Year’s with her. But maybe she’ll go over to her girlfriend’s. She isn’t sure yet. I’ll text you guys?”

“I’ll be here the entire holidays,” Namjoon sighed. “I still have finals.”

“Ah, I’m sorry,” you said, offering him a smile. He waved you off, mumbling something about how at least he was almost finished up with it all.

“Well, at least we will be spending New Year’s together, right?” Jimin said with a smile.

You took a sip from your green tea, needing warmth because your University never turned on the heaters, preferring their students to freeze. Where did your tuition money go?

“Okay, but how about Christmas eve for everyone else? When are you guys heading back home again?” Hoseok asked, shovelling his protein oatmeal into his mouth. “You’re going tonight, right, Ji? With Jennie?”

“Yeah, our train’s booked for 8 pm.”

“I’ll go on the 23rd,” Jimin said, and Chaeyoung echoed the same.

“You’re going tomorrow, right?” she asked Hoseok, and he nodded. “When are you meeting Kook’s parents again, Y/N? The 22nd?”

“Yeah.” You played with the lip of your paper cup, feeling the warmth of your tea. Your heart grew a little heavier, scared one of them would ask when you’d go meet your parents. Because you weren’t, at least not on Christmas eve. Both of them had to work, unable to take a day off. It was an irrational fear, you were aware. Because your friends knew that very well. They’d never ask, but your heart didn’t understand.

“That’s- oh my God, that’s in four days, huh?” Jisoo gasped, and the horror and terror gripping you must have reflected on your face because she was quick to interject. “Oh, sorry. No, it’s gonna be great, Y/N. I don’t know why I said that. That was stupid.”

“You’re still anxious about it, huh?” Hoseok mumbled, and though he worded it like a question, all of you knew the answer.

“Hard not to be,” you said, voice a little short and curt. “It comes in… waves.”

Namjoon patted your shoulder. “It’s gonna be fine.”

Chaeyoung reached for your hand, squeezing it. “Yeah, I’m sure. We’re all gonna be there for you if it does somehow go wrong—which I highly, highly doubt might I add.”

“Well, not Jisoo. She’s gonna be home, busy showing off her Jennie,” you joked, trying to make light of the situation but it sounded just slightly off.

“What? I can’t be there for you from home?” Jisoo gasped, and before you could question how she’d do that, she continued. “I’m there for you too, telepathically! Jennie too! In your heart! Always! Over the phone! Don’t doubt us!”

You laughed a little, mouthing an apology.

“But you definitely won’t need us,” Jimin said. “Because it’s gonna be fine. Especially because Kook’s gonna make sure of it, okay?”

Before you could return something, your eyes were drawn to the doors.

Oh.

Your friends followed your gaze.

Jungkook had his backpack strapped to his shoulder and the red scarf wrapped around his neck. It shouldn’t be possible. You were technically too far for you to properly see, but you saw it��the tension in his shoulders, the strain in his nape, the deep knit between his brows. He was…. annoyed. It was new to you. For a moment, you almost expected to find Narae walking behind him, bugging him, hot on his trail. It would explain it to you, and you would just simply walk over there and pull him to your table. Just like that, you would ease the knit between your brows, take the tension out of his shoulders and neck-

But it wasn’t Narae.

It was Taehyung.

He said something to Jungkook that made him roll his eyes. Jungkook didn’t seem to want to respond, shaking his head and waving his hand around, an attempt to end the conversation. But Taehyung wasn’t so kind, going on, even taking hold of his shoulder.

“Someone is in a mood,” Namjoon mumbled, cringing.

“What are they talking about, Y/N?” Jimin asked, looking at you, and you stared right back at him, frowning.

“How would I know?”

“You’re his girlfriend.”

“So?”

“Go find out.”

“What? I just walk up to them and say,” you raised your voice a few pitches, “‘Oh my God, hi, you guys are clearly fighting. Care to share?’ Is that what you want?”

Jimin blinked, shrugging. “Sure, that would work.”

“You’re so ridiculous, Jimin,” you hissed, touching a hand to your forehead. “That wouldn’t work.”

“Of course, it would. Kook’s absolutely obsessed-”

“Oh my God, shut up,” Chaeyoung hissed, slapping Jimin. “They’re looking!”

“You guys are always so loud,” Hoseok sighed, and you sent him a glare because no, you don’t! It’s just Jimin!

But they were right. Taehyung and Jungkook were both looking at you, their conversation having come to an end. When you met his gaze, Jungkook’s face contorted into something else, features twitching. You couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but it wasn’t the usual. He didn’t soften in the way you were used to when he would see you. And when you tried a smile, Jungkook struggled to return it. You felt shot, and your smile faltered.

But Jimin didn’t sense it at all, wildly waving his hand around, gesturing for the two to come this way. And as if it wasn’t more obvious, he yelled it too, “Hey, Tae and Kook! Come join us!”

Jisoo sighed, “He’s such an idiot.”

Chaeyoung and Hoseok shrugged, as if to say well, it’s Jimin. They were right, it was just Jimin being himself, unaware and impulsive. Namjoon didn’t have any words, shaking his head.

Jungkook and Taehyung looked at each other, exchanging a few words before the latter glanced at his watch and shook his head. He had to go. Taehyung placed his hand on Jungkook’s shoulder, whispering something into his ear. You must have imagined it but it looked like he glanced in your direction. But before you could think about it, Taehyung headed in the same direction he had previously come from, and Jungkook slowly made his way over, not meeting your eyes once.

“What were you arguing about?” Jimin asked when Jungkook stood in front of you, and you watched him grip the strap of his backpack, the skin over his knuckles stretching thin.

“Jimin!” Jisoo hissed, punching him.

“Ow!”

“Right, yeah, of course, you’d ask,” he smiled. “It’s fine.”

Jungkook said it with a laugh, but it was all wrong.

“We weren’t arguing.”

And as if it wasn’t enough, Jungkook put on his brightest and biggest smile. He showed it to everyone. Like a stone plunged into the deep sea, your heart sank. You had seen it before, that smile. It had decorated his lips during the Halloween party when you first walked in, or when you had first hurt his feelings while you had gone costume shopping.

Namjoon and you looked at each other shortly, both of you sensing it.

“Is everything-”

“Well, it looked like you were,” Jimin mumbled, accidentally interrupting Namjoon. He waited for Jungkook to budge and cave under his gaze, but when he wouldn’t, he shrugged. “Come sit.”

Maybe he could feel your burning gaze on him, but Jungkook finally glanced in your direction. If only for a second, so very brief. But it dug into your heart and split it open, gutted you and left you utterly empty. You had seen him just yesterday, picked out your dress together, parted ways this morning a few hours ago, and now he seemed like another person. He looked so sad, sad in a way you hadn’t seen before. You didn’t think that any emotion close to that had ever crossed his features, not in your presence at least. It was so new and surprising to you—because somehow in your mind, you had forgotten he had the ability to feel… upset—you froze.

“I’m sorry, I have to go,” Jungkook said, nailing that same smile back onto his lips as before. “But I’ll see you guys around.”

And before any of you could protest, he was gone, back turned to your table and heading into the crowd.

“Well, that was… weird,” Chaeyoung said, pointing out the elephant in the room. And as if she had said your name, everyone turned to you for some kind of answer.

You blinked back at them. “Yeah, I-I don’t know.”

There was another beat of silence before ultimately your friends shrugged.

“Maybe it’s just not a good day?” Hoseok proposed, and they were all quick to agree, moving on. And though you didn’t voice it, you knew it wasn’t that. It couldn’t just be that.

You knew it was about you. It had to be. Taehyung had glanced at your direction. You hadn’t imagined it, that much you were sure of. And the fact Jungkook hadn’t been able to look at you cemented it for you. Your heart quickened, a certain question coming to the front of your mind.

What if Jungkook didn’t want you to meet his parents anymore?

Maybe it had finally clicked with him—what it meant if you met his parents. How ridiculous it was. Because you weren’t his girlfriend. It was his parents after all. How stupid all of it was actually. Not just you meeting his parents, but the entire contract you had. How far it had gone, too far.

You pressed your lips together, a knot forming in your throat. Maybe he didn’t know how to tell you now. Maybe you should be prepared for the very worst. Maybe this was it. Impact incoming! The fall was nearing its end, your end.

Your hands began shaking, curling around the edge of the table for stability. Panic built up within you, panic that really shouldn’t build up at all, you knew. Your friends blurred into an incohesive mess in front of you.

Oh God.

You didn’t see Jungkook for the rest of the day, or the one after that. In fact, you didn’t hear from him at all, until almost two days later. Maybe you should have reached out first—you did think about it. But you simply couldn’t, your hands shaking whenever you’d open your chat with him, your old messages staring back at you almost mockingly. Because what if he told you he wanted to end it? What if this was how it would end because you couldn’t wait and recklessly send a message?

There was a few seconds of silence, the sound of his breathing coming in through unsteadily. You gripped your phone tighter.

“Hey.”

Jungkook still sounded the same, and for some reason, you were surprised. Why you expected him to sound different, you didn’t know.

“Hi,” you returned, swallowing because it was your voice, in fact, that sounded odd. At least it did to you. You cleared your throat.

Usually, he’d make some joke, ask you about your day, how you were doing, where you were, if you had watched the videos he’d sent you yet, eaten already. Usually, your conversation would be much lighter, easier. Right now, you felt the air hanging between you, pulling your legs closer to your chest as you waited and waited. He had called you, he would have to speak first.

“I’m sorry I didn’t join you guys for lunch the other day,” Jungkook mumbled, and you closed your eyes.

“It’s alright,” you said, a waver to your voice and you couldn’t decide if it was because you felt cold, even though you were tucked into your bed, or because you felt uncertain of it all, like you were standing at the edge of a cliff, the deep sea awaiting you on the other side, waves crashing up on you.

Neither of you said anything.

Your throat grew dry, the questions coming back up again within you. Was he going to tell you over the phone? That he didn’t want you to meet his parents anymore. Maybe even that he wanted to call this entire thing off. That he’d realised this wasn’t worth it anymore, doing all of this to win a stupid bet he’d made with Taehyung months ago. It had gotten too exhausting, you had gotten too exhausting for him. Let’s just end it here, tell everyone you’d just fallen out of love. Hell maybe he’d be even willing to tell everyone the truth, how they’d been fooled. It had all been an act! How fun! How could you all think he was in love with-

“Everything’s alright.”

You paused. “What?”

“I-” Jungkook faltered, letting out a laugh. It came through oh so light and clear. Just not quite genuine. Or maybe you were imagining it, your mind dissecting every of his words. “I’m just trying to say- things are alright. It’s gonna be okay.”

And for some reason, you knew the words weren’t meant to reassure you. But him. He needed it right now, more than you. You blinked, nodded as if he could see.

“Yeah, everything’s alright,” you repeated, quietly. “It’s gonna be okay.”

What exactly he referred to, you weren’t sure. And you weren’t going to ask. He’d tell you when he wanted you to know, when he was ready. Truth be told, you weren’t even entirely sure if you were ready for it, couldn’t say either where your confidence that it’d be alright came from.

“It will, right?” he laughed again, that same laugh. It came through now, the tinge of uncertainty swinging with his voice.

You added a small smile, reassurance. “Of course, it will. Always has.”

Jungkook waited a beat, thought about it for a second. “Yeah, no, yeah you’re right.”

And then, you both went back to silence again. You were the one to break it, doing so before you could think better of it and retreat. The question slipped so quickly past your lips, came out of you with the answer to it packaged within already. For once, you dared something, held out your heart.

“Do you want to come over?”

The question seemed alright at first. He’d tell you he was already on his way, in fact. Had you not heard the engine this entire time? Actually, look outside! How silly of you, he had gotten you again. You’d laugh, buzz him up while telling him how annoying he was. He’d fall into your arms, coat and scarf and shoes still on. There’d be no time for you to tell him to at least take off his shoes because he’d knock you over with his entire weight. But you’d hold him up, if not barely and struggling heavily. You’d do it, and you’d do it with a smile. He’d press a kiss to your lips and ask you again if things would just be fine. And you’d do the same as you did on the phone, like a good girlfriend does, you’d reassure him over and over again until you’d be too tired and fall asleep together. Things would truly be alright, you’d meet his parents and maybe resolve it all. Maybe he and you could be something, more. Maybe he meant it, all of it, the gestures and words and kisses. He and you, together, it could be possible-

“I’m sorry—” You wanted him to stop then. He didn’t need to elaborate. It was enough. You bit down on your tongue, hard. “I’m… just really tired today.”

Jungkook hesitated, spoke slowly, and you wanted to laugh it off, tell him it was alright and to go to sleep, but your throat knotted into a terrible mess.

He didn’t want you to meet his parents.

“Hm.”

It was the only response you could offer. Because if you spoke, he would know, and he couldn’t know—the tears that shot into your eyes.

You pressed your hand to your mouth, and wondered if your reassurance had done anything at all. If not actually you had needed it, even more than he did.

“I think- classes was exhausting, so yeah. You know, right? So I’m gonna go to bed now,” Jungkook said, and you nodded, as if he could see you, and if you checked, you’d realise it was just eight. You bit your tongue harder.

He never liked you.

“Okay,” you squeaked out, your voice a few pitches too high. He had to know, you were sure of it. Anyone would know, even a drunk Jimin could figure it out. It was blatantly obvious, and you pressed your hand harder against your mouth, scared as you awaited what he’d say. You wouldn’t know how to answer his questions if he asked you why you cried. It would be utterly humiliating to admit why—that you knew you never meant anything to him beyond what you’d agreed upon, but that he did to you. So much, in fact.

“Goodnight-”

You ended the call, your phone displayed his name for a few more seconds before you tossed it aside, uncaring that it bounced off your bed and you’d have to look for it later on the floor. A part of you wanted to laugh, outright laugh out loud, laugh so loud because maybe it would drown it out. Because were you not just silly? Stupid? Even more so for the tears that rolled down your face and stained your duvet three shades darker. Clear evidence of your silliness, your delusion, your unwavering and foolish hope.

It embarrassed and humiliated you, how quickly the tears came, how his words had crashed onto you, ship-wrecked you, buried you under. His words hurt, and his dismissal even more. Two words had been enough, had pierced your heart and left you tiptoeing a cliff. Jungkook had more power than you thought he did, power he shouldn’t be holding over your head and heart to begin with. Power he shouldn’t have because you didn’t have it over him.

A text awaited you one morning, just a day before the 22nd.

[Jeon - 07:01 AM] : can i come over later tonight?

And a text was all it took.

Jungkook was not even a second late. Someone was in a hurry to get this over with, it almost made you laugh. Your doorbell rang the moment the clock turned seven. Still, you shrieked, hesitated, stared at your front door like you hadn’t known he’d come, like you hadn’t expected him to come.

You busied yourself with your phone, swiping back and forth, as he climbed up the stairs, your back turned to the door. You just couldn’t watch as he stepped inside. This was it. He’d tell you that he’d realised this had gotten too far, out of hand. You wouldn’t have to meet his parents tomorrow, you had done your part. He’d thank you, assure you he’d break the news to your friends and take the blame. It’d be alright, you wouldn’t have to do anything. And just like before you had ever talked to Jungkook at the vending machine, you’d go your own ways.

His steps grew louder, echoed less and less until he was inside. A draft pulled through your small flat as he shut the door behind you, quiet but final. You shivered and turned off your phone, heart heavy in your chest as you prepared yourself to turn around and face him. You had thought about it all day, agonised how it’d be like to see him again the past week, how you’d handle this, how you could retain just a bit of your pride at the end of this. The scenario played over and over again in your mind—you’d look at him with a smile, tell him you understood perfectly and he didn’t need to explain. It had been stupid anyway, fun but stupid. Both of you knew this wasn’t anything really, it would come to an end. You didn’t mind it at all.

“You know, it’s alright, Jeon. I know what you wanna-”

Jungkook wrapped his arms around you with his coat and scarf and shoes on. He pressed you to his chest, held you even tighter when you hesitated to return his hug, as if he needed to physically feel you, be sure you were there.

You hadn’t seen him all week, and all of a sudden, you didn’t know what to do around him anymore.

“Jeon?”

“Can you hug me?” he asked you, voice barely above a whisper, and though you had been so sure about what would happen just seconds ago, pictured how your conversation would go, you realised you knew nothing at all. You did as he said, putting your arms around his middle and squeezing as tightly as you could, holding your breath even.

You didn’t know how long you stayed like this, but when you pulled away, Jungkook looked at you in a way you had never seen. He took your hands into his.

“I’m sorry, cabbage,” he began, and in the dim light, you could see his eyes glaze over. “I don’t know what’s been going on with me for the past week.”

He paused, breathed in deeply, looked to the side before returning his gaze to you.

“I think- there’s just been a lot on my mind, and I had to figure it out first, I think,” he continued. “I-I don’t think I fully have, but I will, soon.”

You looked at him, silent for a few seconds before you nodded, brushing your thumbs over the inside of his wrists.

“That’s okay,” you told him, giving him a smile. “It’s fine. I understand.”

Truth be told, you didn’t know where you took your words from, where you dug up that reassurance again. Because you’d felt the opposite for the past week. It’d been a horrible week for you, sleepless and anxious.

You’d been tiptoeing a thin line, wondering every second when exactly this would blow over, just how close you were to impact, when your fall would end. Would it be a text? A call? Would he just show up to your doorstep unannounced one evening after you had come back from exhausting classes and do it then? Or would it be Jimin who’d relayed the messages? Would he not tell you at all, deeming not worth the effort even? So, it had been nice to be told the truth—that things had been confusing for Jungkook and he hadn’t figured out how to navigate it all—and yet you weren’t sure if it was enough for you, if it qualmed your worries.

“I’m really sorry, cabbage,” Jungkook repeated, and you wondered what he was so sorry for that he needed to apologise twice. If maybe you were right. Why else would he feel so apologetic? Was the ending coming and he just needed some more time to figure out the order of his words, unable to bring it over his heart?

You should ask him if the things plaguing his mind was how to end this. You should, really. Regardless of the answer, it would free you, however painful it might just be. You’d find peace. Maybe you feared the pain too much, the tears that would run down your face, the embarrassment that would rip you into pieces, or maybe you didn’t care enough for yourself to find out the truth, but you didn’t ask.

Your smile grew bigger, and you didn’t know who you were fooling, him or you. “Don’t be. It’s okay, Jeon.”

Jungkook took your face into his hands, staring into your eyes, looking so intensely at you like he’d never before. He was searching something, and you weren’t sure if he found it, if you held whatever he looked for at all.

“It’ll be fine,” you said, and this was for you, not him.

“It’ll be fine,” he repeated, nodding, and as he leaned closer to you, you wondered if the same would apply tomorrow. When you’d meet his parents, stand in front of them. When they’d scrutinise every little detail about you and come to their conclusion on who you were before you could even open your mouth and utter your name.

You let Jungkook pull you into a kiss, returned it with the same intensity. Both of you needed it right now. What exactly you offered each other, you couldn’t pinpoint. But it was enough to silence your mind and his too.

When his hands wandered, so did yours. He pushed you to your bed, and you let your mattress catch your fall. Your sweater landed on your floor, and soon the rest of your clothes followed. His coat and the scarf you had made him found its place at the foot of your bed. He struggled for a bit to kick off his boots before ultimately stumbling out of them.

Jungkook pressed kisses from your lips to your ear down to your neck and collarbone. Slowly, they wandered further down and down, stopping as he paid extra attention to the places he learned you liked, made your back arch in his favourite way and your breath hitch so beautifully in your throat. Soon, you were pleading with the Gods above, curling your hands around your duvet as Jungkook familiarised himself with you again. His hands pried you open, splitting you into two again and again, bringing you high above. You returned the favour, listened as he found religion through you, drawing out his relief until he needed your lips on his instead. By now, you knew him blindly, your hands finding the sensitive parts of him even as he carved his way back to yours.

“I’ve missed you,” Jungkook mumbled into your ear when he began moving, and you smiled, wrapped your arms around him. So had you.

“Me too,” you returned, your hips finding a steady rhythm together. He pressed kisses to your skin, hands holding you oh so tightly like he usually would. But he hadn’t said it, hadn’t told you for the entire week, not even now when he would on any other day—that he loved you—and so maybe that was why you fell asleep with an uneasy heart.

Had he not promised? That he’d be there for every second of the day, from the moment you woke up to the moment you went back to bed, glued to your side until you were sick of him? Was that not what he had said, the words he assured you with? So how was it that you awoke alone, like you had been for the entire past week, without him?

Jungkook wasn’t here, and yet you looked around your home like he could be hidden in some corner. He didn’t like you anymore, you were sure. Why would he? He never did to begin with. Probably regretted this more than anything else, realised just how exhausting it was to be with you. It wouldn’t be worth it. His parents wouldn’t like you, tell him that he could do better. He’d agree- actually he knew that already. Yesterday night had been a mistake, just like all the other times had been. He and you weren’t the same, never could be. Just like two mismatching puzzle pieces, you’d never make a whole picture together. You’d been right, of course. Jungkook could never like you, never saw you as anything more than a paw in this stupid cruel game between Taehyung and you. And you had been played, over and over again. How stupid of you. Foolish! This-

The blaring of your alarm brought you back to reality, the sound filling your ears. You had forgotten to turn it off. You reached for your phone, shutting it off but before you could toss it aside, you saw it. It made you pause, his name atop of your notifications. A voice memo, just over two minutes. Like it had been all you had been looking for, you hurriedly unlocked your phone. You were about to hit start, when you paused, your thumb hovering just above it. Because it could be anything—a simple breakfast run, or a goodbye. A pit grew in your stomach, and you wished he had just left you a clue about what he’d be saying in it. Your chest webbed tightly with anxiety, a rollercoaster in your throat.

You took in a deep breath, bracing yourself, eyes closed as you hit play. Whatever it might be, you’d be fine, somehow, you hoped.

“Hey, I’m so sorry—” Your chest felt so hollow, his voice unsteady. He was running, the wind blowing up the audio. He sounded far away, you had to strain to hear him properly, your phone on maximum volume. “—I know I promised to be there when you’d wake up, but—”

But I just couldn’t do this any longer. I wanted to tell you yesterday, but I just didn’t know how to. I’m sorry.

“—my mom called me. She’s having an emergency with her car, and now she’s stuck in- actually, I don’t know where, but I’m on my way there to jumpstart her car. And I thought about waking you up for it, but that felt mean and you looked so peaceful, I just couldn’t. But- it’s so cold, oh my God. Listen, I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I’m gonna hurry, okay? So just wait for me, alright? I’ll be there, I promise.”

You heard the door of his car open and close. The wind cut out, and all of a sudden it was quiet. There was ruffling, Jungkook took his phone closer to his face. He sighed, and you could see him right in front of your eyes—sitting there in his car, hair a mess on his head, as he closed his eyes to find his words, a knit between his brows.

“I’m really sorry, cabbage,” he began again. “Both for leaving now because I know I had promised I’d be there, and… again for the past week. I know I’ve been shit, and I know you’ve been confused and- I’m sorry. I haven’t been fair at all-”

Neither had you however, you realised as you listened to him talk. Of course, Jungkook had only left because his mother needed his help. How could you assume the worst of him after everything? When he was so good and kind? Had been all this time to you?

“But we will figure this out, okay?”

Jungkook paused again. You pulled your legs to your chest, burying your face into your knees, teeth sinking into your tongue.

“Let’s talk about this after today. But it’s gonna be fine. Like you said it would.”

You had lied.

“What am I talking about?” He let out a small laugh, and you knew he was shaking his head at himself. “It’s already fine.”

You felt like a traitor. You were terrible.

“I’ll be back to pick you up, okay? So just wait for me. I hope I can get to you by two the latest. I hope it won’t take too long to figure it all out. You know, I actually don’t know how to jumpstart a car, so I really don’t know why my mom called me.”

He laughed again, and you didn’t think you could ever get the sound out of your mind. It was so pretty and melodic, so good and precious.

“Well, anyway, I gotta get going, but I can’t wait for tonight already. I miss you.”

You missed him too, loved him even. Did he? Could he? Could you?

It was cowardly of you, hypocritical actually. But you couldn’t do it differently, didn’t have the courage to look at Jungkook and say it. The words wouldn’t leave you, you were certain, if you stood in front of him. He deserved more than a text, but more than that he deserved the truth. And the truth was you couldn’t do this, any of it in fact, not anymore. Couldn’t meet his parents, or even pretend to be his girlfriend any longer, not in good conscience. It had to end.

Your thumbs shook as you slowly found the right letters, strung together the words and sentences. You hit delete every other word, barely getting a paragraph together in almost an hour. Because worst of all, even as you tried to offer some honesty, you knew you couldn’t offer it entirely to him, couldn’t let Jungkook know just how exactly you felt, how deeply you had plunged into love with him.

I’m sorry, Jeon, but I don’t think I can keep this going any longer. I know I said I’d meet your parents, but I think we’re just going a little too far by doing that. I hope you understand. I know I’m not fulfilling our contract and you’ll lose your bet with Taehyung and I’m really sorry, so I’ll just wire back all the money. I never touched it anyway.

You were about to finish off the paragraph, deciding that any wishes for your future relationship as friends would be too much to ask for, thumb sliding over the glass, when your phone lit up, buzzing and ringing. And right just then, you accepted the call, your heart dropping in your chest. Your stomach twisted terribly because you couldn’t do this. How could you? Hear his voice, talk to him as if you weren’t just about to call this entire thing off over text? How could you pretend it was all fine when you’d felt gutted for the entire week?

“Hey,” Jungkook greeted you, oh so unaware. You could hear the harsh wind coming through the speaker. “I’m sorry—”

You wished he’d stop apologising. If he just knew what you’d been thinking of him for the past few days, all the assumptions you had made about him and his character, his parents too.

“—but looks like I won’t make it by two.”

There was a sigh, and you let the silence usher Jungkook to keep on speaking, knowing your voice would merely betray you.

“I tried to jumpstart the car, but yeah, it didn’t work out. We called some people now and seems like we’re gonna have to have the car towed and fixed at the shop.”

The frustration bled through in Jungkook’s voice. It was obvious. He had spent all morning trying desperately to fix his mom’s car in the freezing cold, and now it had come to this.

“We called my dad. He’s on his way here because I still need to go back to my parents and take a shower. It’s gonna take some time—the drive to my parents, the shower and then the drive to your place—so I definitely won’t make it by two. But I should be at your place by three the latest though, I hope that’s fine?”

You closed your eyes, wondered just what exactly you were supposed to say. And so, for a while you didn’t as you gathered yourself.

“Cabbage? Are you there? Can you hear-”

“Y-yeah.” You chewed on your lip, took a few more seconds before speaking. “You… don’t have to come-”

“What? No, I promised you I’d drive you. Let me at least do that,” Jungkook insisted, and you hoped he’d just understand. How direct did you have to be?

“It’s fine, you don’t have to,” you tried, but to no avail.

He snorted. “Cabbage, I’m driving you. No matter what. My dad’s almost here. You won’t have to wait long. I’ll probably be at your place before three actually. I shower quickly!”

You pressed your hands to your eyes until dark spots appeared, shaking your head. Why couldn’t he just understand?

A lump knotted your throat shut, your voice wavering as you began speaking, “I-I think we should just-”

“Ah, my dad’s here! I gotta go, cabbage. But please just wait, I’ll be there soon, okay? Can’t wait to see you! It’s gonna be great. You’re gonna charm their asses off, okay?”

And before you could even protest, confess to Jungkook that you couldn’t do any of this, he had hung up. You stared as your phone displayed your lockscreen before ultimately turning black, leaving you with your reflection.

You caught yourself in your mirror, realising how puffy your eyes were. It was blatantly obvious you had cried. You were a mess, in no state to meet anyone’s parents, no less Jungkook’s perfect parents. But now you couldn’t even get yourself out of this anymore, not when you had heard his excitement again. How could you disappoint him?

Just one more day. You’d do it for one more day, him and you. You’d just get today over with, that much you owed him, and then you’d sit him down to break it all off.

The dress was still oh so beautiful on you, harmonised perfectly with the white cropped cardigan you had picked out for today because it was, indeed, cold like Jungkook had said it was, and you really didn’t want to freeze. Your hair remained the same as always. You had thought about changing it, but decided in the end that at least your hair should be the way you were used to. Same with your jewellery, the same few pieces you wore every day adorning you today too. You kept the makeup minimal, and still it took you ages to get it done, hands shaky as you carefully drew on eyeliner and curled your lashes.

Looking at yourself you wondered if it was enough to fool everyone, yourself possibly even that you were perfectly fine, that you fit to Jungkook, that he and you could be something more, that your background was the same as theirs, that you were just another Narae, well-off and well-travelled.

But your doubts and worries had no time to brew, your doorbell announcing Jungkook. Shrugging on your coat and slipping into the pair of black kitten heels you had borrowed from Chaeyoung, you gave yourself one more look in the mirror. You looked beautiful, you knew that. Everything about you looked so close to perfect, and yet, you felt the opposite. Today was the last time for Jungkook and you, and just the thought made you want to cry.

You shook your head, not wanting to keep Jungkook waiting any longer. It was truly cold, and you regretted your choice of shoes the moment you stepped outside, cursing yourself. The wind snaked up your legs. Maybe if you knew that this wasn’t going to be your last day together as a pretend couple, you would have run up and changed. But more than ever before, you wanted to look your best today. Because at the very least, however today might end (badly), you looked good.

Jungkook agreed, face lighting up the moment he laid his eyes on you. You tried your very best to return your smile. He looked oh so good too, wondering if he matched you on purpose. His sweater was the same deep rich red as yours, a white turtleneck layered underneath. He paired it off with some black slacks and black boots, your scarf wrapped tightly around his neck. You couldn’t look at him too long, vision beginning to swim when you did, so you focused on the ground, one step after the other.

“You’re so beautiful,” Jungkook gasped, clutching his chest and pretending to have a heart attack.

“Thank you,” you said, speaking quietly, afraid your voice was going to betray you. “You too.”

Your compliment made his smile turn into a grin. “Well, you’re prettier.”

Usually, you’d make some snarky comment, fall into the same old banter you’d established with him long ago. Today, you could barely bring yourself to look at him.

“Let’s-”

Jungkook cupped your face, lifting your eyes to him, forcing you to face him. His gaze turned your insides soft and puddy, hands beginning to shake by your side.

“I’m so happy, cabbage,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your lips. It almost made you cry. You screwed your eyes shut. Before the kiss could go on longer, devastate you more, crush you further, you pulled away.

“I-I’ve got lipgloss on,” you mumbled, giving Jungkook a short smile before stepping aside to walk to his car. He laughed behind you, telling you how he didn’t mind at all, but still, he followed you.

Just as you were about to reach for the car door, he did it for you. Always the gentleman. You paused for a second, surprised (why were you?), before climbing inside, heart heavy as you waited for him to just close the car door. Jungkook didn’t though, drawing your eyes back to him.

“Are you sure about the shoes?” he asked you, brows furrowed together. “It’s cold. You’re not even wearing stockings.”

You felt even more self-conscious all of a sudden, tucking your feet underneath the seat, cheeks warming and heart thrumming. These shoes were the only ones that fit with your outfit. You didn’t have an extensive shoe collection, anything you could change into now wouldn’t match. It’d be a waste not to wear them, especially after you had asked Chaeyoung to borrow them.

“Y-yeah, it’s fine.”

Jungkook seemed to disagree, still standing there with the car door in his hand, and when he opened his mouth, you knew he was going to argue with you.

“I really-”

“It’s fine,” you repeated, reaching for the door handle. “Let’s just go. We’re gonna be late.”

The frown didn’t disappear from his face, but he conceded, albeit with a sigh. His hand squeezed yours, and you flinched, pulling it away as if he burned you. Jungkook stopped, eyes shooting to yours.

Your heart dropped in your chest. Oh no.

You put on your brightest and biggest smile. “Sorry, your hand’s just super cold,” you laughed.

Jungkook blinked before smiling, “Ah, sorry.”

With that he shut the car door, and you pulled the seat belt across your body, readying your words on your tongue that you had thought of this entire time.

I’m super tired. Do you mind if I sleep during the ride?

It was a blatant lie. Every nerve and fibre of your body was lit up, wired tightly. You couldn’t find sleep even if you laid in your bed now. The thought of having to talk to Jungkook for the entirety of the car ride, however, turned your stomach upside down.

You decided to wait for him to put on the seat belt first before saying it, needing a few more seconds to rid the knot from your throat. From the corner of your eye, you watched as he climbed inside, putting his key into the ignition, rubbing his hands together. But rather than reach for the seat belt, Jungkook fumbled with the console, turning on the heat, carefully turning the knob back and forth. Warm air started blasting from the heaters immediately, wrapping you up from every direction.

“Do you want the seat warmer too?”

He looked at you so sincerely. You crumbled almost.

“I-It’s okay.”

“Just say a word and I’ll change it, okay? Don’t want you freezing,” he said before strapping the seat belt across his chest. You turned to the window.

Your voice wavered slightly. “Uh, I’m super tired. Do you mind if I sleep during the ride?”

“Oh, yeah, no, totally. Get some sleep. I’ll wake you up when we’re there. Gonna take a while anyway.”

You hummed in response, frowning when you saw Jungkook rub his hands together, blowing into them, even holding them up to the heaters for a few seconds. Before you could wonder for too long, he took your hand into his, thumb brushing back and forth.

“Warm enough?”

He said it with such a beautiful smile. It shattered you. You merely nodded before turning away, eyes closing shut, a lump stuck in your throat. The gesture, however small, dug into your heart like a knife. He was so nice, so kind, so good. And for the past week, you had thought the worst of him.

You knew you had arrived even before Jungkook parked the car. The engine slowly shut off, keys jangling when he pulled them out. You heard the click of his seat belt, some shuffling, and your heart beat faster as you waited for him to wake you up. Truth be told, you hadn’t thought this through. How were you going to convince him that you had slept this entire time when you hadn’t even for a single second? The last time you had pretended to sleep in the car was when you were seven and didn’t want to go to school. And even then, it hadn’t worked, your mother seeing right through you.

Jungkook had held your hand the entire ride. You had so gotten used to the feeling of his warmth that when he slowly pried his hand out of yours, you felt oddly cold. For a second, you thought you had to have imagined it when you heard the car door open. But when the sound of it softly closing followed, you knew you hadn’t. Maybe he wanted to come around and then wake you up?

You waited a few more seconds but when your car door remained shut, you slowly peeled your eyes open. Once again, Jungkook wasn’t there. But your attention turned to the house across the street instead. Jisoo and Chaeyoung had, of course, asked for Jungkook’s address—Just in case. He had happily sent it to them, and you too if you wanted to forward it to anyone else too. (The fact that Jisoo was over an hour's train ride away didn’t matter by the way.) You couldn’t recall the address, but you did remember the house number, and you were definitely staring at the right house right now.

It was bigger than you could have imagined it to be. It was so absurdly big, almost cartoonishly so. Even more so because it was decked out with all kinds of Christmas lights and stockings. You doubted no second the inside rivalled Chaeyoung’s and Jisoo’s home. But however ridiculous it was to you, this was Jungkook’s childhood home, the house where he grew up in. Where he spent his childhood and teenage years. This particular house. A house. Whilst you grew up in a flat, just with enough space to cram in your little family.

You saw him then, standing next to the expensive car parked in the driveway. Jungkook opened the car door to the passenger seat, and a second later, his mother stepped out. He offered her his hand, earning himself a big smile from her. From inside the car, you couldn’t hear what she said, but you could imagine it. She was right, he was a great son.

Jungkook looked a lot like his mother, you realised. She had gifted him with her kind eyes and soft big smile. No wonder, her son was so beautiful. She was an elegant woman. It was obvious. The kind of woman that wore cashmere sweaters, baked fresh bread every Sunday, made sure to do her skincare routine every morning and night, expensive creams and serums lining her bathroom cupboard. Not a single hair on her head was grey. She was the perfect wife and mother.

From the driver's seat, a man emerged, Jungkook’s dad. There was a hint of grey colouring his hair, but he pulled it off well. He was shorter than Jungkook by a bit, but you could see right away where Jungkook got his confidence from. For a moment, you wondered if that was how Jungkook would look like when he was older. Would he resemble his father? His dad quickly rounded the car, greeting his son with a hug before taking his wife’s hand into his. He had a kind smile too, you noticed. Of course, he did.

Jungkook had to have said something particularly funny because both his parents erupted into laughter. You looked away, closing your eyes.

What were you doing here?

The question blared louder than ever before. Could you really do this? Fool everyone? Yourself too? The answer was obvious to you as you looked ahead. A part of you wished you had come to that conclusion before you had gotten into the car. You didn’t know your way around this neighbourhood (of course, not), but you knew you had to get away from here either way.

You stepped out of the car, quietly shutting the door. He couldn’t see, couldn’t know. You had to get away, now.

“Where’s your girlfriend, Kook?”

His father’s voice made you pause. Jungkook sounded so much like him.

“In the car. She’s sleeping.”

“Are you not gonna wake her up? At least, let her come inside and sleep inside. It’s so cold.”

“No, I was gonna, but then I saw you and dad pull up,” Jungkook explained, his voice carried to you through the wind. His car offered you enough coverage to hide and at the same time allowed a clear view of Jungkook and his parents. “Also, I was gonna get her another pair of shoes. She’s wearing heels.”

His mother gasped. “In this weather? Does she at least have stockings on?” When he shook his head, she gasped again. “No, that’s not good. You better get her another pair of shoes. She’s gonna freeze!”

“I know- ah, I turned off the heat!” Jungkook touched his forehead as if to say how stupid of him.

You pressed your lips together, teeth sinking into your tongue. The guilt clawed up your throat, raw and red. It hurt, so much so that you didn’t even feel the cold wind on your feet and up your legs, or the way they ached from the unnatural arch the heels forced them into.

“Go get your girlfriend some shoes,” Jungkook’s father told him. “I’ll get the groceries-”

“What? No, let me, dad. I can do both. I’ll be quick.”

“It’s fine, Kook. We don’t want your girlfriend freezing.” His mother placed her hand on his shoulder. But like the good son he was, he wasn’t having it, already moving to open the trunk.

“It’s okay. I turned off the car just now, and she’s been sleeping peacefully this entire time. I’ll be quick,” Jungkook insisted. “You guys get inside.”

His parents looked at him with a sigh, realising defeat. Jungkook’s father handed him the car keys.

“Well, you better be quick. You know we can’t wait to meet Y/N.”

And with that, they walked inside, hand in hand. Your heart shattered, your name rolling so easily off their lips. It was so odd to hear them say it, hear with how much kindness they did.

You should just go now, take this opportunity to run, but your feet remained cemented, your eyes following Jungkook as he brought the first two bags up to the front door before grabbing the last two out of the car. Moving his foot underneath the sensor, the trunk closed automatically. You knew nothing about cars but you knew that such a feature didn’t come with most, and was definitely not cheap either.

Right now, looking ahead of you, you could see for the first time clearly just how different Jungkook and you were. There were two different worlds between you, a distance that no one could cross, no less a relationship that wasn’t genuine to begin with. It had been nice and fun, foolishly nice and fun, to pretend all this time, but in the end it had been foolish more than anything.

Why you didn’t move still remained a mystery to you. Maybe your feet had really frozen to the sidewalk, the heels one of your worst ideas yet, or maybe you simply couldn’t do it, bring it over your heart to just walk away. Maybe you just needed a little more, of him and you. You knew these few seconds would be the last ones of peace before it would all crumble. The illusion would shatter. He and you would be done, forever. There would be no more hangouts together with all your friends, no more cookies and Avatar marathons, no more kisses and hugs.

Jungkook and you would dissolve, just as quickly as it had all begun in that library with a notebook and pen.

Jungkook was about to turn around and close the door and he’d see you, standing there on the sidewalk with your eyes set straight on him. He’d see you and he’d smile and put down the bags and walk over to you and ask you why you were standing there and why did you get out of the car and how cold it was. How stupid and silly of you!

He’d come over and bring you into a hug and his lips would ghost over the crown of your head and you’d cave and melt and you’d go in and meet his family and it’d hurt so much to tell Jungkook’s parents what your parents did when they’d inevitably ask you because of course they would and you’d have to see as they realised that your parents didn’t get to enjoy higher education. They’d be silent for a few seconds before nodding and smiling. They’d quickly change the topic because it was better to talk about something else and oh I heard something so interesting on the news recently, did you hear?

But you didn’t move, even as Jungkook turned, arms heavy with grocery bags, and lifted his head, eyes meeting yours as you predicted he would. His lips lifted up into a smile, a smile bigger than you’d expected. He didn’t move though. Instead he blurred into a heap of colours.

You could no longer do this.

The image of him cleared as the first tears fell, and you watched as his face crumbled while he watched your chest heave up and down, sobs pushing out from your throat.

Jungkook let go of the grocery bags, the contents spilling out. When he took his step towards you, you did too, away from him. He stilled, frozen. Why, you could see it on his face. Why were you crying? Why were you moving away from him? He deserved answers, an explanation, but the most you could muster up right now was the shake of your head.

No.

And then you took off.

“Y/N!”

You pressed your hand to your lips, scared of filling the street with your gut wrenching sobs. Tears kept streaming down your face, hot and heavy.

You did feel sorry for doing this to Jungkook. But you had to. Because he wasn’t going to. It had to be you. You who finally saw the truth in the eye that this was ridiculous, that this had gone off the rails, that Jungkook and you should have never gotten to this point, to where you found comfort in his arms and he knew your favourite cookies and you showed him your home and he knew more than he should about you. To the point where you had shared the bed together and knew the softness of the other’s lips. To the point where you had irrevocably and undeniably and unfortunately fallen for Jungkook.

You were in love with Jeon Jungkook, and it was the worst thing you could have done to yourself-

“Y/N!”

And it was affirmed when he seized your elbow and turned you around. You didn’t make it very far. Your eyes locked with his, and you could see it in them. How this was going to end. How this had to end, now.

You were reminded of when you ran out on Jaehwa after seeing him for the first time again. It was what you always did, you realised. Run.

You just never expected you’d have to run out on Jungkook too.

His eyes, wide and big, searched your face, for something to give him a clue as to what was going on in the head of yours, anything. He didn’t understand.

You pulled away from him as if his touch burned you, pushed him away.

“Why? What’s wrong?” he asked, frantic, reaching out for you again, but you couldn’t let him touch you, tumbling backwards. Hurt flashed across his features, but this was for the best. Why did you have to be this dramatic? How stupid of you!

“I-I can’t,” you stuttered, shaking your head, dragging your coat sleeve frantically on your cheeks. “I-I just can’t.”

Jungkook stared at you, face twisting and morphing into emotions you couldn’t decipher. You had never really understood him anyway.

“O-okay, hey, that’s fine.”

Who would have thought this would hurt so much to hear?

“That’s alright.”

He should be furious, absolutely and utterly mad with you. You had just run away. If he hadn’t caught you, he would have had to somehow explain to his parents why his so-called perfect girlfriend was suddenly gone. And yet, he met you with empathy and kindness. Jungkook was so good, so precious. He was so much better than you, deserved more.

“I’ll give you a ride home-”

“No!” you screamed, lungs heaving for air, chest rising and falling dramatically. You shook your head, repeated it again, quieter this time. “No, you don’t understand.”

Jungkook stared at you, mouth opening and closing. “Okay, then explain. But let’s do this in the car-”

“Why are you like this?” You threw the question at his head, venomous and bitter. The anger wasn’t fair, shouldn’t be aimed at him at all. What had he done to deserve it? And yet, you couldn’t find it in you to shift the target. “What are we doing?”

His brows knitted together, the knit deepening. “I-I don’t know what you mean.” You looked at him as if he should. “Can we get to the car first, cabbage-”

You flinched. How could he still call you that?

“This is so stupid,” you scoffed, shaking your head, eyes looking at everything but him. The cold wind blew your tears away, and your cheeks felt raw from all of the rubbing and dragging. “I- this is so wrong on so many levels. Why am I even here? What are we even doing? Why are you like this?”

“You don’t want to meet my parents, that’s fine. I really think we should get to the car-”

“Why? Because you don’t want your neighbours and parents to see what crazy person you’ve brought home?”

“What? No! Who said that? I wanna get to the car because it’s freezing cold and you only have a coat and heels on-”

“Oh, please, Jeon!” The laugh slipping from your lips made Jungkook flinch. It was so mean, filled with so much spite. “Don’t pretend to be good. What a cheap and pathetic act!”

None of the words you spoke were truthful. You didn’t know where you pulled them from, you didn’t believe any of them. All of them were hollow and mean. But maybe they’d be enough though to bring out anger within Jungkook, make him come to the same realisation as you had—that he and you had to end. But knowing him, he’d meet you with empathy and kindness over and over again.

He had to hate you.

You had to make him hate you. Otherwise, this would never find an end. Otherwise, he’d convince you of the opposite, and you’d never be able to let go of him. Otherwise, you’d lose yourself completely to him.

And when you looked at Jungkook, you knew you were right. Because there was no no fire in his eyes, nothing. He still stared at you the same way he used to. Even after you had called him names. Hating you was the only option.

“I really think we should just talk this out another time.”

Defeat, you realised, contorted his features. Not anger. Not spite. None of it. Just defeat. You closed your eyes, shaking your head.

“You’re clearly not in the best of moods and saying stuff that you don’t mean. I don't know what’s going on, but let me just give you a ride home and we’ll figure this out another-”

“Figure out what?” You leaned forward, gestured wildly around yourself. “We? Oh, please, Jeon, there’s no fucking ‘we’. Don’t make me laugh!”

He shook his head, hands running through his hair.

“I really don’t think you mean any of this, Y/N. I know this entire situation must be bringing up bad memories for you- I know Jaehwa hurt you-”

“What? This has nothing to do with him,” you scoffed, narrowing your eyes, the words pushing through your clenched teeth like a bullet out of a gun. “What do you know, Jeon? What do you really know, huh? Actually, how can you know anything? You with your perfect stupid fucking family with a house oh so big because you just had to show everybody how you were better and richer and greater. What do you know about anything, really?”

You weren’t making sense, but you could see a change in Jungkook’s face, the flicker in his eyes as you mentioned his family. Bullseye.

“Miss me with that bullshit. You’re the kind of people I hate. It’s all so fake and condescending- fuck, you’re so stupidly loaded you’re paying me to pretend to date you so you can win a stupid shitty bet with Taehyung. Your parents must be so proud of their great great son.”

He closed his eyes, screwed them so tightly shut in hopes that maybe if he did so long enough, this would turn out to be a bad dream. This wasn’t happening. Things weren’t falling apart like that. They couldn’t. His hands curled into fists.

“Now you can’t even look at me, Jeon?” you sneered, voice and words growing more and more vicious. “Can’t face the truth, right? You pretend to be so good, so kind. But for fuck’s sake, look at the house you grew up in! Look at where I live! You’re the same as Jaehwa- actually, no because at the very least, he didn’t pretend like he and I weren’t different. You should have some shame, but I guess with parents-”

“Y/N!”

Your name cut through the air, and for once, you stopped and breathed. Jungkook had peeled his eyes open again, teeth gritted, jaw pulled taunt, hands curled into tight fists.

“I really think it’d be better if you stopped talking now.”

And yet, it wasn’t the response you wanted.

You could have cried then, bawled, fallen to your knees and just admitted to it all. How much you did love him and how much you wanted him, but couldn’t have him because this just wasn’t going to work because he never really did love you and neither would his parents. He and you were doomed, like the moon and the sun. He just would never see it, too idealistic for his own good. Your blatant and devastating flaws. You weren’t good or kind. You had to be the one to pull the plug, to call this what it was—wrong.

“Yeah, of course, you’d say that,” you mumbled, the tip of your shoes digging into the concrete, rolling back and forth. The scratching sound it produced soothed you oddly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what I mean. You rich people just can’t ever face the truth-”

“No, you idiot!”

His voice echoed through the empty street, loud and clear. Anger and disdain coloured his words, features twisting and knits deepening. There it was, finally. The anger and upset you had waited and waited for, the blow of the bomb, the finale.

“I think you should stop talking because I love you and I don’t want my heart broken any further!”

Jungkook was so loud. You had never heard him so loud before, yell like that, tell you so abundantly clear that he loved you. It was the declaration of declarations, blaring and grand. You had wanted to hear it, needed to hear it all this time, all this week—that he loved you—and now when you finally did, it was truly the worst thing anyone had ever told you ever. Because it was everything you wished for, but you couldn’t have it, none of it. It wasn’t real, and even if it was, even if he meant it and he loved you, you couldn’t be with him. The truth didn’t matter. You were too damaged, too broken, too fucked up to never not doubt Jungkook, not to fear that he’d leave at any point.

You’d never trust him.

“I don’t know what’s going on with you!” He pointed at you, face scrunched and eyes red, tears welling. “I thought we had gotten past this- isn’t it obvious that I do really love-”

“Oh, please. You goddamn liar!” Your voice shook, broke in your throat and mouth, head spinning. You were losing Jungkook, spectacularly so. “What do you know about love? This is an act, Jeon! You’re not in love with me! You’re in love with an act! You’re in love with the idea of winning your stupid bet with-”

“No, no-”

“Yes, Jeon, you don’t know shit. You pretend like you do- think you do when in reality, you don’t know anything about me. Who am I if not just a pawn in your game? Someone you paid, so you could boast and brag that you didn’t get rejected, huh?”

Jungkook licked his lips, veins bulging in his neck as he tried his very best to not go too far, implode on you, hands digging into the roots of his hair. “No, that’s not true. The bet between Tae and me—”

“Actually, you know what? I don’t even care. Because all of it is wrong. It’s not what we agreed upon-”

“Okay, yeah, so we weren’t supposed to kiss and spend time together privately, or sleep with each other and talk on the phone for hours. But look at us now!” He pointed between him and you, as if there was something between you. “We did it all, okay? And? Was it so bad?”

His eyes fixed yours, so deeply. He took a step towards you, and you didn’t back away, couldn’t.

“You call me a liar when I tell you I love you—” His voice shook, trembled terribly, and you could see Jungkook fight to find the right words, struggle to speak. It pained you to know it was all because of you. How easy would it be to take it all back? Admit fault and go back? But would it be right? “—but tell me then, why are you looking at me like that?”

You tried a laugh. A laugh that was meant to dismiss it all, deny the truth, but it sounded hollow and wrong. You couldn’t even look him in the eyes, beginning to crumble. And Jungkook saw right through you.

“Look at me and tell me you don’t feel something!”

You closed your eyes, crossing your arms in front of your stomach. The world began to spin faster and faster, and you felt like you were losing the ground underneath yourself.

“You’re not being fair,” you whispered, shaking your head. You were speaking much quieter now, your voice having lost all of its bite and edge. This had been harder than you expected. “You’re breaking the contract-”

“Oh my God, will you forget about that? Both of us broke it a long time ago, willingly! Can you please just forget about all of it—the contract, the bet—and look at the facts?”

Jungkook was begging at this point. Would you come to your senses?

“Do you really genuinely think that the past weeks- months didn’t mean anything to me? That it was really all just pretend? That I lied about all of it? That I’m really such a big asshole that I’d pretend to be in love with you this entire time, call you daily, buy you your favourite cookies, hold your hand and kiss you and tell you—” This seemed to drain Jungkook of everything, voice trembling as he presented the worst version of himself to you. “—over and over again that I love you?”

He leaned forward, searched for your eyes.

It was right in front of you—a white flag up in the air, for you to grab and hiss. You could do it now, he’d forgive you, you were certain of that. Jungkook was still kind enough to do so, his heart ready to let you back in. You wouldn’t even need to say anything, just falling into his arms would suffice. It’d be so easy. Simple, in fact. He’d let you do it, take your silent defeat as an apology. You’d never have to talk about it ever again. It was tempting, slip back into what you were before as if you weren’t aware that he and you were two parallel lines never meant to cross. Jungkook would never be tempted to take this way out, he’d stand straight for what he’d said, repent. The thought to take the easy way out would never cross his mind. It did yours.

“Y-yeah, I do.”

Jungkook shook his head, mouth set in a line.

“You don’t mean that-”

“Yes, I do-”

“Y/N, no, no, you-”

“Stop,” you laughed, shaking your head. “Stop insisting that I don’t mean it. I do. I-”

It was so ironic. It felt like the entire universe was mocking you, laughing at the two of you. This was what Jungkook had wished for him and you, imagined how beautiful it would be, how you’d sit together in front of the window and watch before he’d suggest to go outside and you’d follow happily. You’d dance and play until neither of you could feel your hands and your cheeks were rough and raw from the cold wind. You’d yearn for the warm, shiver as you stepped inside, but you’d be happy. So very happy. But now it felt like a stab to your hearts instead.

The first few snowflakes softly landed on your sleeve. It was so beautiful. The entire street would be white in a few hours, kids would come out to play soon.

“I’ll pay you back.” You took a step back, rubbed away the tears that wanted to spill. “See it as compensation for… not meeting your parents.”

Jungkook couldn’t respond, teeth sinking into his tongue, biting on the muscle until it hurt too much.

“That’s not- that’s not the point. I don’t care for the money, I just-” He deflated. “Just-just meet them, Y/N. Give them a chance, please. You’ll realise- they’re gonna love-”

He stopped when you shrunk in on yourself, vehemently shaking your head. Neither of you said anything, just allowing the snow to fall around you and cover you in white. You’d be shivering in just a few minutes, hair and skin wet, feet shaky on the cold ground.

Jungkook looked down, hands in his pockets, shoulders slumped.

“Okay.”

You stood there as you waited for him to turn his back to you and walk away, waited and waited to be finally alone. He’d do it and you’d be alone and you’d be proven right, vindicated. Relief would flood you, knowing you had seen it coming, had always known correctly, protected you, at least, this time of hurt and-

The keys looked cold to the touch.

“Take them. Wait in the car. Call Chae or whoever to come pick you up. You can leave the keys in the car. I’ll get them later.”

Jungkook was ordering you, telling you what to do. And though he spoke with finality, allowing no room for you to disagree, his voice trembled and shook. You didn’t have to look to know the tears staining his cheeks, to know how much you had hurt him, realise that in your quest to do the best for both him and you because he deserved better and not be hurt and left in the end, you had done just that to Jungkook, plunged the knife into his heart and pushed it further even as he spat out blood.

“It’s fine, I can-”

You couldn’t even finish your sentence before Jungkook grabbed your hand and placed the keys into your palm, forcing your fingers shut around them with his own. His touch sent sparks through your body. It’d be the last time he’d ever touch you, you realised, and before you could stop it, the tears spilt. But you didn’t let out a noise, kept your head low and eyes even lower.

“Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

Jungkook hesitated before letting go, his feet dragging as he walked away.

Maybe it was you holding the gun, not Jungkook.

→ thanks for reading !! if you have any thoughts, id love to hear it!

#jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fanfic #bts scenarios #bts angst #bts fluff #jungkook implied smut #bts x reader

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kodamaghost00 · 6 months ago

Text

𝑰𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖,𝑽𝒊𝒌𝒕𝒐𝒓?

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧ *✧･ﾟ: * *✧

Fandom: Arcane 2021 (NETFLIX ORIGINAL)

Pairings: Viktor x GN!Reader

Genre: Long-lost Friends to Lovers, Fluff

Summery: After you thought your Best friend died you reunite with him after 12 years of being apart.

Warnings: Loosing close people, Death, Fights, Spoilers EP3, Emotional, Slow burn, forced to move on fast

Word count: 2,4K

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧ *✧･ﾟ: * *✧

“Viktor! Viktor over here, look at this!!” You are around 11 years old and call out for your best friend. He walks over to you as fast as he can. “What’s going on, Y/N?” He asked cautiously, but then looked at what you pointed out. “I’ve never seen something like that before…”. Now you both stare at a little bug crawling around in the dirt in front of you. You and Viktor watch the bugs and animals around you all the time, but this one... you’ve never seen it before. It had short legs, but the colors were beautiful. “Do you think it’s a new species?” You chuckled. “Well, maybe it is. What shall we call it?” He smiled at you softly. “Hm. I’ll name it sooner or later!” You two watched it crawl away. You stood up and helped him to do the same.

“Let’s go home you look tired…” He just nodded, and you both made your way to the small shed you called home. You both laid down facing each other. “Viktor? Do you think we’ll make it big one day? To the topside, I mean.”. He thought about it but responded calmly back to you, “I know we will. With my brain and your brawn, we make a pretty good team.” You chuckle. “That’s right. Goodnight Viktor…” "Goodnight, Y/N…” and with those last sentences, you two fall asleep.

*BOOM* Something exploded, and your little shed crumbled to pieces. Everything burns, there’s smoke everywhere, you can’t see anything but call out for Viktor. There’s no response. You try to free yourself from the remains of what you called home once, but you’re trapped underneath. There’s no way out. You are in so much pain that you black out. There’s nothing, only darkness. Then the memories of the happy day before came flooding back, and you violently woke up, tucked away in a cozy-looking bed.

“Where am I?” You ask cautiously. Looking around for any enemies you could encounter, the only thing you see is a large man with a beard. "Oh, you’re awake, kid. How are you?” He came closer, and you flinched away. “I’m not your enemy, kiddo. I’m here to help you.” He said reassuringly as he handed you a glass of water to drink. “What happened? Where’s Viktor?!” You asked, looking around to find your best friend again, but to no avail. “Viktor? You’re the only one I found. I’m sorry.” You started to cry, and he came to hug you. You cried on his shoulder for a while until you calmed down. “Do you want to stay with me? I assume you don’t have family here.” You nodded quietly and held his hand, not wanting to let go. Then another man came into the room. He was big and scary-looking but had a rather friendly aura. "HAHA, Vander is gonna be a dad now? That’s something I never thought was possible!” The man shouted. “Shut it, Benzo…” he said, rubbing his nose bridge. You only giggled at that, maybe your new life won’t be that bad after all.

From that day on, Vander was like your dad. He taught you how to fight. How to defend yourself. How to protect the ones you love… You didn’t even notice the 12 years that went by. Now you basically have 4 younger siblings. VI,Powder,Mylo and Claggor. You were the best role model for them, and they looked up to you. You trained with them and taught them valuable lessons. Especially VI, she was young and naive, but you knew that she only wanted the best for your family.

Then the tragic day came. Silcos people attacked you guys, and not only Vander, your beloved father, but also Mylo and Claggor died during that incident. You fought with them, but to no avail, the shimmer was too powerful. You got hit badly by one of silcos men, you didn’t know what happened to VI and powder before your body gave in and you blacked out. “Is that what happens again…? I don’t want to die. I don’t want them to die! NOT AGAIN!” The next thing you know is that you woke up in a fancy-looking hospital.

You woke up in shock and looked around, panting, “VI? POWDER?! WHERE ARE YOU??” Then someone calmed you down. “ You looked down at the creature that’s trying to help you. “A... a furball…?”. Heimendinger was amused by your comment. "Well, I wouldn’t say a furball, but that’s a fair assumption.”. He laughed. “Where am I? Who are you? Where are my siblings?!” You asked frantically, starting to panic again. “Calm down, young one. I’ll explain.” He took a deep breath as you went quiet again. “You’re in a hospital right now. I am the head of the council, Heimendinger. And your family…” he frowned. “Where are they?! My sisters!?” You asked in a demanding manner. “The chief enforcers told me you were the only one found alive… I’m sorry.” You were so shocked that the fact didn’t register at first. Then you cried. You were sobbing hysterically into your own hands. You didn’t process the fact that all your loved ones died. ‘Once again? I thought I got stronger? I wasn’t able to do anything…’ The pain was talking out of you, and you thought it should’ve been you, not your beloved family. Under your sobs, you managed to form one sentence. “What am I going to do now?” Heimendinger looked at you with the most heartbreaking expression anyone ever gave you. “If you want to, you could become my assistant. I already have one that’s been with me for a while now, but... I don’t think another one would hurt.” He said this to you while resting his hand on your shoulder. You looked at him again, not realizing what he said completely, but you nodded. The chance to help someone… you won’t throw that away. That’s what dad would’ve wanted, after all.

Heimendinger sat by your side for a long time before asking you something again. “How old are you, my child?” “I am 23, sir…” you responded hesitantly. You knew Heimendinger wasn’t a threat, but opening up to strangers was even harder now. “23… so young. Yet you had to go through all of the misery. I’m really sorry for you, child. I’ll leave now, we will discuss the more serious details tomorrow. Please take care!” He waved you goodbye and left the room. Now it’s just you. Alone. In a hospital bed in Piltover. All the events came flooding back, and you cried again. So hard that you cried yourself to sleep.

The next morning arrives sooner than you wanted. The sun is coming through the window, and with a clear sky, you sit up and pinch your nose bridge. “Such a headache...” you whispered to yourself. As you stretched out. You glanced at the nightstand beside your bed. “A letter?” You take the letter and open it gently, and it reads:

Dear Y/N,

When I came to visit you again, you were dead asleep! I didn’t want to disturb your peaceful sleep, so I decided to write this letter instead. I asked one of the nurses when you could go out again, and they told me you could go today. Talk to a nurse before heading out to my office later,alrighty?

P.S. . The clothes are also for you, so you blend in a little better.

In best regards, Heimendinger!

You chuckled at the fact that Heimendinger wrote you a whole letter just for you to sleep a little longer.

You still mourned a lot about your family, though, so it's understandable that you weren't the happiest. You put on the clothes he gave you and went out of the room to call a nurse, and one came rushing to you.

"H-Hey! You can't just stand up like that!!" She rushed over to you, helping you back to your room. "I feel better. Can I go now?" You ask, wanting to go out of here as soon as possible. "Oh, you're the one that heimendinger favorites... what's your name? So I can look you up in the system." She pulls out a device you never saw before. "It's Y/N". "Last name?" She was a bit confused. "Don't have one." You snarled back a bit. She looks confused but enters your name anyway. "Ah! Y/N! Wait a second!" She rushes out and comes back with a small bag in her hands. "Take one of them per day it's best if you do it right after breakfast." You looked at the bag suspiciously but nodded. "Thanks." And you're on your way out. "Rude..." the nurse whispered to herself.

You totally forgot to ask the nurse where heimendingers lab is, so you wander around the halls of the academy. “Why is this place so big…” You looked around and admired all the pretty painted walls, amazing wooden floors, and bright chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. When you were focusing on the big windows next to you, you ran into someone. "Fuck, I’m sorry… I should’ve looked where I was-“ you were cut off as you looked at the man in front of you. Tall, flawless brown hair and a cane. You stare a little too long, and he asks, “Are you okay?”. You nod “I’m sorry… You just remind me of someone who I was close with a long time ago.” He doesn’t respond until you ask something. “Excuse me, but where is heimendingers lab? I was supposed to meet him.”. He looks a bit surprised but points in one direction. With a thick accent, he says, “Turn left around that corner. It’s the third door; you won’t miss it.”. You thank him and walk away. You can’t shake the feeling that this man you were talking to was Viktor. But no… He was dead, right? There’s no chance that he’s here…

You couldn’t think about it longer as you stepped into heimendingers lab. It looked scary but fascinating at the same time. “You wanted to see me, sir?” You say this as you quietly close the door behind you quietly. “Ah! Y/N! Just in time, young one.” He smiled as he stood up from his chair. A little horned furball barks at you happily. "Oh, you just missed my other assistant! He’s bringing us some papers for you to fill out so we can make your employment official!” He says he is smiling. He seems super happy that you’ll work with him soon, he has high hopes for your future.

Then Viktor comes into the room after a few minutes. And heimendinger brings you two closer. ��Y/N, that’s Viktor, my assistant for years by now. Viktor, that’s Y/N, the second assistant that will work with us from now on. I hope you two will be a good team from now on!” Heimendinger says, and the room falls silent. “Y/N…?” Viktor said it with a shocked expression. “Yes Viktor?” You smile at him, and he lets his cane fall to the ground, running into your arms as best as he could. You knew that must’ve took everything within him... “I thought you died… I’m so sorry for not recognizing you earlier. You’ve grown so much I…” he said as His eyes widened, his voice shaking. "No, no Viktor… Please don’t apologise…” you say as you go through his fluffy hair, and you both have a very emotional moment. Heimendinger notices and leaves the room quietly. “I have missed you so much… I’ve been searching for you for so long…” you say softly, hugging him deeply as you missed him and partly for his support. “What happened to you that day?” He said this as he stood up straight again, stumbling over his own feet. You grab his cane and hand it to him. “How about we talk about that in peace later? We have so much to talk about…” you declared, but Heimendinger opened the door again and chimed in. "Oh, young ones, you can take the rest of the day off if you please…”. You wanted to protest, but he cut you off and sent you two away.

Now you both are on your way to Viktor's lab since you don’t have your own home yet. As you both walk next to each other, an uncomfortable silence is in the air, so you try to ease it a bit by trying to hold his hand. Just like in old times, he takes it gladly, and you both walk to his room. With a pink hue on his face, he closes the door behind you. “You have a lovely lab.” You try to start a conversation with something small. As you sit down on the couch he had in there, Viktor does the same and looks at you. “Thank you… I appreciate it. What happened that day, Y/N? I haven’t thought of anything else since that day… It’s haunted me ever since.” He says straight up, not wanting to let any more time pass. “There was an attack near our home. I called out for you, but you didn’t answer, so I thought…” You go silent, and he notices that you assumed he was dead. “I went to our home every day to look for you. I missed you so much.” You feel your tears well up. He suddenly spoke up. “One of the enforcers took me with them. The attack was so intense that I blacked out on the spot. Heimendinger raised me. I’m sorry that I left you like this…” You listen to him but nod. “I had a good family as well… but they…” You started to cry now, giving in to your emotions, and Viktor hugged you, noticing that you had lost important people once again… “I’m here now... I’m here for you, Y/N. And I will never leave again.” He pulls you in, hugging him even deeper. His presence is so comforting that you let it all happen. “We’re together again… that’s all that matters now…” he says caressing your hair, kissing your head gently. You leans his head on yours and burry your face into his chest gently. “Thank you, Viktor… I’ve missed you so much…”. “I think you should rest now… It’s been a long week for you…”. You nod and fall asleep on his chest. Quickly, before you fell asleep, you heard his voice saying one last thing that made your heart bump like crazy.

"Goodnight, Y/N… I love you.”

You wanted to answer, but your body caved in, and you fell asleep.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧ *✧･ﾟ: * *✧

A/N: Hello and thank you for reading this short story that came into my mind! It’s my first time writing out my thoughts out actually so please don’t be too harsh on me. I’m so excited for S2 and I think many of my fellow Arcane fans are as well. Have a great Day/Night and goodbye!

#arcane #viktor arcane #arcane viktor #viktor #viktor x yn #viktor x reader #arcane viktor x reader #character x reader #gn!reader #gn reader #Viktor arc #arcane netflix #arcane x reader #arcane x you #arcane x y/n

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supernaturalgirl20 · 2 years ago

Note

Hey! Your writing is stellar!

Could you possibly write about Joel and reader hating each others guts, but something like Joel almost dying brings the feelings out reader never realized. (Like angsty almost dying lol). she takes care of him and he sees how he does actually love her. It’s ends with them together. Vague i know haha.

Thank you!! xoxo

Thank you so much and I adored this request 🥰changed it up a little Hope you enjoy 😉

The Reason

Pairings: Joel Miller x f!reader

Warnings: Smut 18+, explicit, unprotected sex, soft love making, near fatal accident, mentions of death, hidden feelings, enemies to lovers (sorta), angst, cursing, fluff.

A/N: slowly getting back to writing this week so please bear with me on the requests. Didn't edit this so sorry for any mistakes.

Comments and reblogs really appreciated 🥰

Anger bubbled under the surface of your skin as you stood with your back against the door of the stables. The sound of his voice echoed through the air as he berated Tommy for asking you to join them.

Who does he think he is? You think to yourself as you listen to him criticise you to his brother. Joel Miller was a force to be reckoned with and he had zero tolerance for anyone in the Jackson community except for you. Or at least you’d thought so, now you weren’t so sure.

There was one night after a rough patrol where he’d shared a few drinks with you, and he’d opened up about his past. You had thought for a moment that maybe he liked you. Maybe you both could become friends or more, but now, you’re sure he hates you.

“Now why the hell did you go and ask her to come with us? You know darn well that I ain’t gonna be able to concentrate with her there. Damn it, Tommy, I ain’t gonna be able to keep them both safe.”

With clenched fists you turned the corner and stormed towards him, his eyes widening when he spots you. “Who the hell do you think you are, Miller? Huh? Telling Tommy you don’t want me to come. It doesn't matter what you want, I’m the most experienced shot this place has so I’m more than capable of taking care of myself. Now I’m coming on this run whether you like it or not.” You huffed out a breath as you poked his chest with your finger, looking up at him with an angry expression on your face.

“So, saddle up, cowboy.” You push him back slightly before grabbing your horse and marching out of the stables, leaving both Miller brothers confused as they stared after you.

“About time you grew a pair Joel and told her the truth about how you feel. Save all this bickering. I mean it’s obvious as shit that you have feelings for her, so just man the fuck up.” Tommy says as he pats him on the back.

Ellie scoffs behind them drawing both of their attention to her. She looks up and shrugs her shoulders at them. “Gotta say I agree with Tommy on this one. Life would be a lot easier if you just told her. Hell, it’s so fucking obvious she feels the same and I swear you two are just like horny fucking teenagers.”

“Alright enough! First of all, language,” he snaps as he points a finger in Ellie’s direction. “Secondly, what is this anyhow? Gang up on Joel day?” His gaze drifts between the pair and they smile at each other before they shrug, and Tommy says his goodbyes.

“Alright, let’s get this shit show on the road,” Ellie teases as she winks at Joel and follows you outside.

Joel watches her leave, his hands resting on his hips as he closes his eyes briefly and takes in a deep breath. This was gonna be a long trip.

***

Things had gone to shit when you came across a group of raiders in a nearby abandoned town. They had wanted all of your supplies as well as you and Ellie but Joel was having none of it.

He’d become a different man in the blink of an eye. A violent one and you can’t say it didn’t turn you on. He’d killed them all or at least so you’d thought until one of them had snuck up behind him and tackled him to the ground.

They tussled for a moment before Joel straddled him and beat him to the ground. When he stood, he turned around to face you, his breathing ragged as he flexed his hands, his knuckles were bruised and bloody. His gaze drifted away from you towards Ellie who was busy collecting weapons.

You let your gaze drift down his torso, and you gasped at the sight of a knife protruding from his abdomen.

“Joel!” The sound of your worried voice catches his attention and his gaze flickers towards you. He follows your line of sight and groans when he sees the knife. His hand wraps around the hilt and pulls, blood spurting out from the wound, and he stumbles slightly as he throws the knife into the ground.

“Let’s go.” His voice is commanding, leaving no room for argument. “Ellie,” you shout, “we gotta go.” You tilt your head towards her horse and rush over to help Joel up onto your own, placing him at the front.

“Joel’s been hurt. We gotta find somewhere to lay low for a while.” You jump up behind Joel wrapping your arms around his waist as you grab the reins.

You travel at a slow pace. Trying hard not to jostle him around too much but he’s losing a lot of blood, and fast. His head droops to the side, then his whole-body leans to the right and you try to catch him but you can’t hold his weight so he falls off the horse.

“Ellie, stop!” you shout as you hop off the horse and check on him. He’s passed out. It almost appears as if he’s dead, but you run your fingers along his neck and check for a pulse.

It’s there.

Faint, but there and you let out a sigh of relief. Turning your gaze to Ellie you see the unshed tears in her eyes as she stares down at Joel. “He’s gonna be ok. I need you to help me lift him back onto the horse. Those houses over there,” you say with a tilt of your head.

“We’ll stop there for now. Try to close over his wound.” She nods at you before helping you lift him. It’s a struggle but you manage all the same and you take a hold of the reins as you guide the horse along the trail. A silent prayer recited in your head that he’d be ok, that he’d make it through this.

***

Joel is laying on the mattress you’d found as Ellie rips off a piece of cloth to hold over his wound. He groans loudly and you drop to your knees beside him pushing Ellie out of the way and putting pressure on his abdomen. He writhes in pain for a moment before he grabs your hand.

“Leave.” He rasps, his breathing becoming more laboured with each breath. You shake your head as you continue to put pressure on the wound.

“Leave. Go north…. Tommy,” his grip on your hand tightens and you finally meet his gaze. “No. I’m not leaving you. Don’t - don’t ask that of me…. I can’t.”

His skin is clammy and pale, and your heart feels like it’s being ripped apart. You can’t lose him. Not now.

“Ellie.” Your gaze drifts towards the teenager and she’s standing still, face full of worry as she stares down at Joel. “Ellie,” you shout, grabbing her attention.

“You need to go and look for medical supplies. Bandages, gauze, needle and thread, anything. Now, Ellie.”

She looks down at Joel one last time before she rushes up the stairs. He groans again, his eyes full of pain as he stares up at you shivering.

You pull his jacket up over him before cupping his cheek in your hand. “You’re gonna make it through this. I promise.”

You stand up and quickly move across the room to grab your bag, rifling through it until you find what you're looking for. Pills in hand you pull out a bottle of water and drop to your knees again.

Gently, you lift his head and place the tablets in his mouth before bringing the bottle of water to his lips. “Drink. These will help with the pain.”

He obeys with a groan, swallowing the pills before you rest his head back on the mattress. “I gotta clean this, Joel. I’m gonna…. I gotta clean the wound, ok?”

He nods his head, his body trembling as he shivers uncontrollably. You pop open the bottle of alcohol and take a deep breath before you remove the jacket and lift his shirt.

Your hand shakes slightly as you stare at his stomach for a moment - the wound bloody and bruised and jagged looking - before you snap out of it and pour the alcohol over it, causing him to hiss in pain.

“I know, I know…. I’m sorry.” You turn your head at the sound of Ellie’s footsteps coming down the stairs. “I found this,” she says as she hands you a needle and thread. Her eyes widen at the sight of his stomach, and you cradle her cheek in your hand.

“He’s gonna be ok. I promise you. Now I need you to hold him down because this is gonna hurt like hell.” She nods her head and rushes around to kneel beside Joel, placing her hands on his shoulders.

His eyes stare up at her and he gives her a faint smile before his gaze drifts to you again. You pull the thread through the needle and tie it off before sterilising it with the alcohol. You meet his gaze and nod before taking a deep breath and pushing the needle through his skin.

He groans loudly, reaching his hand up to grab at your arm. He turns his head away from you, shutting his eyes tightly as he tries to hold in his cries, Ellie pushing down on him to stop him from moving.

The needle falls to the floor once you’ve finished sewing him up and you sit back on the ground staring at your shaking hands. They were covered in blood. His blood and the fact that you could’ve lost him today stirs something inside you.

Feelings that you didn’t think you had. Not for him. Sure, you thought he was handsome, that he was a good father to Ellie, but he hated you. So, you hated him. At least, that’s what you tried to convince yourself.

It was all too much. These feelings, and the way he was looking up at you made your chest hurt. Standing, you rush up the stairs and out of the house, trying to take deep breaths.

“He is asking for you.” Ellie’s voice startles you and you whip your head around taking her in.

“I’m just gonna check the other houses for medicine. I’ll be back.” She takes a step forward but you shake your head. “I just need a minute, ok? Tell him I’ll be back.”

***

You’d taken your time, routing through the other abandoned houses trying to stall time as best as you could until you sort through your feelings.

It became clear around the fifth house that you had maybe always loved Joel Miller, you were just too stubborn to notice. It was also in that house you’d found some penicillin.

The creak of the stairs alerted Ellie to your presence, and she turned quickly, gun pointed in your direction. With a sigh of relief, she lowered it and stood, taking a glance at Joel before meeting you.

“He was worried about you. Tried to go after you but I wouldn’t let him. He’s asleep now but he keeps shaking and I think he has a slight fever.”

With a nod of your head, you brush a strand of her hair behind her ear. “There’s some canned food in the kitchen, you should head on up and get something to eat. We’re gonna be here for a while.”

“Ok, I’m starving. Want me to get you some?”

“I’m ok for now. Just don’t make too much noise. We don’t know if there are others in the area.” You let her go and turn your attention to Joel, who is laying in the same spot, shivering despite the heavy coat and blanket covering him.

You run your fingers through his hair, and he groans at the feeling of your touch. Pulling away you reach for the bottled water and grab one of the antibiotics before gently stirring him awake.

“Hmm,” he groans as his eyes slowly open, glossed over in pain as you smile softly down at him. “Hey, I’ve got some antibiotics. They should kill any infection even if they are out of date.”

Joel lifts his head enough for you to place the pill in his mouth and help him take a sip of water. Swallowing the pill, he drops back onto the mattress and looks up at you longingly.

“Was worried…thought somethin’…couldn’t live without you….” His hand reaches out towards you as he traces the soft curve of your face. The feel of his rough calloused fingers on your skin sets your heart racing.

“I’m ok. Ain’t nothing gonna happen to me. I learned from the best,” you say with a laugh as you nervously meet his gaze.

“I’m gonna get us some food, I'll be right….” You start to say but he shakes his head.

“No. Stay. Please.” His eyes are wide as he begs you to stay, shuffling around on the mattress as he tries to make room for you.

“What are you doing, Joel?” You ask, raising your eyebrows in question. He pats the space beside him indicating that he wants you to lay with him.

“What if I hurt you?” You ask as your eyes drift to his blood-stained shirt. “Won’t,” he breathes out as his eyes begin to droop closed. He’s still shivering slightly, and his skin still looks pale and clammy and you don’t have the heart to say no.

With a reluctant sigh, you remove your jacket and slip in beside him, making sure you’re both covered by the blankets. His arm is wrapped around you as you rest your head on his chest and the soft beating rhythm of his heart lulls you to sleep.

***

“No….no please not her….can’t lose her….no, no…” Joel muttered in his sleep as his head tossed around, his grip on your waist tightening.

He was having a nightmare.

Sitting up a little, you gently place your hand on his cheek, your thumb rubbing soothing circles into the rough surface of his face. “Joel,” you whisper, trying to wake him without startling him.

“Hey, Joel, it's ok. Wake up.” His eyes snap open and he panics until his gaze lands on you and his breathing slowly calms.

You gaze down at him with a soft smile on your face as you continue to rub his cheek. “You were having a nightmare. Are you ok?”

His eyes take in the features of your face as the moonlight shines through the small window of the basement. “M’fine. Thought I - thought I lost you ....” He trails off as he slowly realises what he’s saying.

His face has a little more colour to it and you swear you see the hint of a blush on his cheeks.

“I’m here. I’m fine. It was just a bad dream, probably induced by the fever,” you giggle as you place the back of your hand on his forehead. “Seems to have broken, finally.”

“I know you heard what I said to Tommy.” He says matter of factly. “I know you think that I hate you….”

“It’s fine, Joel. You don’t have to explain anything. That’s just life. You like some people, you hate others. It is what it is.” His eyes furrow as he looks up at you, a confused look taking over the features of his face.

“I don’t hate you. Never have. Don’t think I ever could. It's a bit hard to hate someone you’re in love with.”

“What?!” You stutter nervously, your eyes blinking rapidly as you swallow the lump in your throat.

“I love you darlin’. It’s the reason I didn’t want you to come on this run. I’m distracted when you’re out on patrol with me, I knew I’d be the same with this, it’s why I begged Tommy to reconsider letting you tag along. M’sorry if I ever made you feel like I hated you, 'cause I don't.”

You don’t know what to say. The words won’t form in your mind as you stare down at him in shock. He loves you. Your heart thrums loudly in your ears and you think for a moment that you’re gonna pass out.

“You alright, darlin?” The sound of his Texan drawl, soft and low, breaks you from your trance.

“Hmm? M’fine. I-I think I love you too.” His eyebrow quirks as a smile edges its way onto his face. “You think?” He teases.

You nudge him in the chest, and he groans, holding his side and you panic you’ve hurt his stitches. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry Joel. I completely forgot,” you rush out, voice panicked as you lift his shirt to check.

The sound of his laughter pulls your gaze up towards him. “Oh, for god's sake,” you huff as you turn and begin to push yourself off the mattress. His hand reaches out to grab your wrist, pulling you back into him.

“M’sorry, darlin’. Couldn’t resist.” His hand slips up along your curves and settles on your face, his gaze meeting yours. His eyes flicker briefly to your lips, and you unconsciously lick along your bottom lip, pulling it between your teeth.

“Will you two just kiss already? Jesus.” Ellie’s voice sounds from the top of the stairs. You both burst into laughter before he leans forward and captures your lips in a searing kiss.

His lips are a little rough, the feel of them against your own causing a shiver to work its way down your spine. He still tastes of whiskey he had earlier, and you want nothing more than push him down and fuck him into the mattress but you don’t. Instead, you pull away and rest your head against his, calming your racing heart.

“We should get some rest,” you breathe raggedly as you blink down at him.

Nodding his head, he kisses you softly once more before laying back on the mattress and pulling you with him, wrapping you up in his arms. “G’night, darlin’.”

***

The gates open and Tommy comes rushing out with a worried expression on his face. “What the hell happened?” He asks, his gaze drifting from Joel to you as he waits for someone to tell him.

“Long story,” Joel answers as he looks over at Ellie, a silent communication happening between them. Tommy huffs in frustration. “You’ve been gone for days. We thought - we thought you’d been killed or worse. Fuck!”

Joel slowly hops off the horse and makes his way towards his brother, clapping his hand on his back. “We’re alright, Tommy. Ain’t nothin’ to worry about. We’re just tired. Gonna need some more sleep and a decent meal.”

Tommy nods his head, his eyes drifting to both you and Ellie. “Sure. How about you all head home and I’ll have Jason drop the food over.”

“That sounds amazin’ little brother. You’re just gonna have to have Jason drop Y/N’s food over to my place.”

Tommy's face freezes in shock before a sly smirk plays across his face. “Oh yeah. Somethin’ happen while you were out there?” He asks Joel, his voice almost a whisper so only he could hear.

“Gentlemen never kiss and tell, Tommy. You should know that.” He smacks him on the back hard, winking at him before he turns and grabs his horse. Tommy knew something had happened from the slight blush on your cheeks. He’d get it out of Joel eventually.

***

The room had been filled with silence as you all ate the dinner that Jason had brought over. The only sound to be heard was that of your forks and knives scraping off the plate.

God, you hadn’t realised how hungry you were until the smell of the food hit your nose. The loud growl of your stomach made Joel smile as he finished setting the table.

“Fuck that was good,” Ellie says as she sits back in the chair, hands resting on her now full stomach.

“Manners,” Joel chastises as he pushes his plate away from him.

“She’s not wrong though,” you say with a smile as you place your knife and fork on the plate and release a contented sigh. Joel hums in response as he lets his gaze wander over you both.

He never thought he’d have this again. A normal life. A steady home. A family. Now that he does have it, he’s not too keen on letting it go. With the clearing of his throat, he throws Ellie a look, his eyes shifting towards the front door, and it only takes her a second to realise what he’s saying.

“I’m gonna go meet up with Dina. Don’t wait up ya old fart.” She says with a laugh as she grabs her coat and slams the door behind her.

“So…I guess I’ll help clear up and then I’ll let you get some rest.” You stand, the chair scraping across the floor as you grab your plate and make your way into the kitchen.

You turn the tap on and begin to wash up when a set of arms wrap around you from behind. You startle. A soft gasp slips past your lips as Joel turns you slowly in his arms.

You gulp nervously as you stare up at those golden-brown orbs. Your heart beats frantically at the feel of his touch. “Was thinkin’ maybe you could stay the night. I’ll make you pancakes and coffee in the morning.”

His eyes are hopeful as he waits for you to say something. “Are you trying to seduce me, Miller?” You tease as your arms come to rest on his chest. Your fingers playing with the buttons on his shirt.

“Is it workin’?” He says with a smile, his arms pulling you closer.

“Maybe. Might need you to kiss me though, to make sure.” A smile plays across his face as he leans in and kisses you softly. You tease his bottom lip with your tongue, and he groans into your mouth, his fingers digging into your hips as he grinds into you.

His cock hardens against you, and he groans when you run your hand down along his stomach and under the waistband of his jeans, cupping him with your hand.

“Fuck,” he breathes as he pulls away, forehead resting on yours. You run your fingers along the back of his neck and through his hair. “Need you,” you whisper into the shell of his ear, and he shivers.

“Jesus, darlin’. You’re gonna be the death of me.” He grabs your hand from his trousers and leads you out of the kitchen and up the stairs towards his bedroom, where he kicks the door closed behind him as he walks you back towards his bed.

He’s hungry for you. His eyes were blown wide with lust and you’re sure he’d have ravaged you by now if it weren’t for the fact that he’s healing.

You pull him in for another kiss and let your hands glide over him as you begin to unbutton his shirt. Throwing it onto the floor before starting on his trousers.

His rough calloused fingertips glide along your skin as he helps you remove your clothes, your breath hitching as they slip between your slick folds.

You gasp. His mouth swallows the moan that follows as he kisses you softly. Pulling back his eyes trail over your naked form and when your gazes meet, you see nothing but adoration in those brown eyes you love so much.

“How do you - how do you want to do this?” You ask as his hands grab onto the soft flesh of your ass. “Better take it slow for now. Don’t wanna burst a stitch,” he says with a smile in his voice. “Lay on your side, darlin’.”

Doing as he says, you lay on your side, his warmth filling all your senses as he slips in behind you. You let out a breathy moan as his fingers delve into your heat once more, his hardened cock nestled snugly between your ass cheeks.

“Oh fuck,” you whimper as he works his thick digits in and out of you, curling them ever so slightly as he hits that spot that sends you spiralling.

Your skin is flushed. Sweat beads down along your breasts as he pinches your nipple between his forefinger and thumb. A shiver skitters down your spine as he whispers into the shell of your ear.

“Ready for me darlin’?”

You nod, “yeah- yes, fuck I’m ready please,” you whine as he runs the tip of his cock teasingly along your slick. “Joel…”

“Tell me what you want, baby.”

“Need you inside - need you to fuck me, please.” With the head of his cock notched at your entrance he thrusts inside with a roll of his hips and you both let out a soft groan as he fills you.

“Jesus, darlin’. So damn tight…fuckin’ squeezing the life outa me.” He takes a moment, closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath as he tries to control himself. His lips meet the skin of your neck as he peppers kisses along it, his hips moving slowly in tandem with his lips.

It’s soft and slow. His hands glide over your skin, pinching and pulling as you moan softly into the room. Your body shudders as you come, your clit already sensitive from earlier.

A soft cry slips past your lips as you reach behind to run your fingers into his hair. His hips stutter as he nears his release, the soft grunting in your ear becoming louder the closer he gets.

“Ngh…fuck,” he groans as he quickly frees himself from your walls, spilling himself over the soft pillowy flesh of your ass.

“Don’t move, darlin’.” He says as he slowly slips from the bed and grabs a piece of cloth to clean you with. He works it gently over your skin before throwing it into the basket at the end of his bed.

The cool air makes you shiver involuntarily but Joel is quick to hop back into bed, slipping beneath the covers and pulling you close.

“I love you, darlin’,” he whispers into the crook of your neck and you can’t help the smile that works its way onto your face.

“Hmm, I love you too.” He squeezes you gently before his breathing evens out and he falls asleep. It’s safe to say that Joel Miller definitely doesn’t hate you.

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#pedro pascal #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller fanfiction #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x female reader #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller tlou au

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angellesword · 1 year ago

Text

It's Not Living (If It's Not With You) | JJK (PART 2)

At thirty-two, you thought you had your life figured out. That is until you received a call one day:

"You need to go to Gangwon Police Station now. There are two people here: One thirty-something male claiming to be your husband, and the other is a three-year-old girl claiming to be your daughter. They say they won't leave unless you, the mom of the family, pick them up."

Or alternatively,

a series of events where you fall in love with Jungkook, become a mom, solve your dead best friend's case, and wriggle out of old money's grasp, but not necessarily in this order. (Maybe all at once. Who knows?)

Genre and warnings: enemies to lovers, idiots in love, mutual pining, OMG there is only one bed, forced proximity, cohabitating, enemies to friends to lovers, co-parenting, angst, fluff, implied smut, kissing, minor character death, slight getting back together, car accidents, law, this fic is originally written as an AOT au, but i've changed it to a JJK one, so please pardon any Japanese terms mentioned (they're not too relevant anyway) some of the characters are from aot too. i'm too lazy to change them haha

Pairing: Police Lieutenant! Jungkook x Lawyer!!Reader

PART 1 HERE

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

You thought kissing Jungkook felt like coming home. Unfortunately, you never had one.If you did, it was only temporary, and the house was not yours.

You were just leasing it.

After the trip, you and Jungkook did not dare talk about what happened in the mountain. You ignored his attempt at a dialogue and made an excuse that you were busy with work.

Younger Jungkook would have exploded, but he was from that or even from the Jungkook you knew last month. He grew to be more understanding and less provoking.

Admittedly, he felt guilty for kissing you. Because as much as he painfullycraved it, he couldn't say the same thing for you.

If you liked it, then why were you hiding from him? Why were you going back and forth to Busan and Seoul these days?

Why were you...leaving him again?

"Where are you going?" Jungkook's eyes twitched when he saw you carrying a big bag. It had been two weeks since the family trip ended. He knew it was unfair of him to demand you move onif you truly hated it, but seeing you go as far as leaving him and Hanni behind made him feel dejected.

"Just out." You replied curtly, not bothering to look at him while you put on your sneakers. Jungkook's first instinct was to go near you and help you tie your shoelace. You were already this old, yet you still couldn't wear your shoes properly.

"Will you be back soon?" Jungkook stayed rooted in his spot; his puppy eyes went unnoticed by you.

"Not sure yet. You'll pick up Hanni from the daycare, right? Then, I'll leave everything to you. Bye." You were out of the door before Jungkook could reply to you. You did not lie to him this time. You were unsure as to what time you'd be back.

You were going to the Jeon's residence today. Jungkook's mother had been cajoling you to visit her. She said it would be better if you went alone since bringing Jungkook with you would just ruin her mood. Jungkook never gave his mother a breather. He always dissuaded her from eating the food she liked and moving around the house a lot. He said she should sit prettily on the couch and not worry about anything. How was that even possible? Jungkook's mother disliked being idle, so she told you to bring a big bag as she intended to pick some produce with you in her garden.

The drive to Jeon's residence took fifteen minutes. You deliberated going to your family's house first, but you remembered no one lived there anymore. Your parents had long since migrated abroad.

Besides, you'd rather deal with a bubbly lady than your easily irritated mother. Mrs. Jeon welcomed you happily.

"Daughter-in-law!" The old woman excitedly raised her arms to embrace you. You flashed a smile at Mrs. Jeon, crouching down so you could hug her.

Mrs. Jeon was in a wheelchair. She had a hard time walking after her leg surgery years ago. This was why Jungkook still lived with his mother despite being in his early thirties. He was simply being a filial son. He didn't trust his father to be responsible enough to care for his sickly mother.

But things changed when Sora died. Mrs. Jeon convinced Jungkook to move in with you. She said she could handle herself and even agreed to have a caregiver look after her. Mrs. Jeon liked you since you were a child. She said you were the only one who could keep Jungkook grounded.You never really understood what she meant by this. You didn't ask, either. One of the perks of this was that you and Jungkook didn't have a hard time explaining your fake romantic engagement to her. Mrs. Jeon had been calling you daughter-in-lawas long as you could remember. For her, what you and Jungkook had was real. She wouldn't believe otherwise.

"Hi, mum." You humored the old lady. Her smile stretched when you called her mother. She peppered your cheeks with kisses.

"Perfect timing! Frieda and Kiyomi just left. The soup I made is still hot. Come, I'll ladle some for you." Mrs. Jeon pushed the wheelchair herself. You quickly caught up to her and helped.

"The social workers have visited you already?" You were shocked. Frieda called you to ask for Mrs. Jeon's phone number. She said she and Kiyomi would visit Jungkook's mother next week. Admittedly, this was why you went to the Jeon residence today. You wanted to brief Mrs. Jeon on what she could and could not say to the social workers. You never thought Frieda would not keep her word. Damn it.

"Yes. They're such lovely people. Don't worry, my girl. I'm very obedient. I didn't say anything bad against you and my son. I love my granddaughter, too. I want her to be happy." Sora and Mrs. Jeon were close to each other—probably because of their love for food. Mrs. Jeon often visited the Kang restaurant. She particularly loved seafood, so Jungkook often had to plead with Niccolo not to serve lobsters to his mom.

"As expected of my mother-in-law." You beamed, "Can you tell me what happened during their visit?"

Mrs. Jeon happily indulged you while you drank soup and ate other dishes. You were having a taste test to know what Jungkook and Hanni would like.

"How are you and my son, by the way? When is the wedding?" Mrs. Jeon looked at you fondly; guilt shot at your heart.

It was difficult to lie to her. How were you supposed to say that you were actively avoiding Jungkook? That looking at her son made you so anxious you wanted to vomit? Were you supposed to say you were scared of fucking things up that you'd rather act coldly to Jungkook? That you'd rather ruin something that hadn't even started?

The past two weeks had been nothing but torture for Jungkook. You snapped at him every time you two crossed paths.

It was as if you were back to your old self, crawling back to your hard shell and painting your walls blue.

Jungkook was frustrated, but all he could do was swallow his pride because this was his fault.He thought he ignored your boundaries just cause he felt the moment was right, so all he could do now was look at you pathetically like a damn dog gaining back its master's favor.

The day after the trip was the worst. You did not go home for two days, granted that it was for a business trip, but you were being too dodgy. You wouldn't talk to Jungkook and only say a few things if Hanni was on the other line.

Jungkook tried snatching the phone from Hanni. However, you instantly ended the call when his face resurfaced on the phone screen.

When you cooked food for them, you only cooked vegetables. There were barely any sweets, and it's making Hanni agitated. Jungkook couldn't do anything but swallow a spoonful of goya champuru. Blegh! Too bitter!

The weekend was Jungkook's breaking point. Hanni was out with her Uncle Taehyung for two days. The social workers didn't restrict who the kid could spend her weekends with. Besides, Taehyung was trustworthy. Jungkook's heart was at ease knowing that Taehyung was dating Jimin Park. Hanni was in good hands for the weekend.

All Jungkook had to worry about was you. Saturday morning was the first red flag. Jungkook spotted a bouquet of roses on the doorstep.

He immediately assumed it was the same person who gave you those damn baby breaths. Worse? You displayed it on the center table!

Jungkook sulked so badly you could practically taste his bitterness in your mouth. His daisies were ignored! Jungkook did not dare replace the roses with daisies because of how piercing your glare was.

On that same Saturday night, Jungkook felt like crying. You were wearing a sparkly black dress that made your skin pop. You had your red lips on. He almost had a mental breakdown looking at your lips.

He couldn't help but ask where you were going.

"Date." You replied impassively.

It was over for Jungkook. You were probably going out with the person who gave you the roses!

Jungkook waited for you to go home that Saturday night, but you did not. The bags under his eyes were dark and heavy—you almost flinched when you saw him on Sunday. Jungkook was so embarrassed and pissed that he didn't go out the whole day.

In the following days, Jungkook observed that you were always on your phone. He instantly assumed you were giggling while texting with your date.

Perhaps you're meeting with him now? Would you go to Seoul? Was that the reason you had your big bag?

In reality, your big bag was now full of food. Mrs. Jeon made a week's worth of food for you, Jungkook, and Hanni. You two hadn't even gone to the garden yet. You guessed she was over the moon after you told her you and Jungkook were doing better.

It was a white lie, alright? You couldn't bear breaking this old woman's heart.

"This is everything I cooked. Now, come. Let's go to my garden and get you some vegetables. Hanni loves mashed potatoes. I happen to have a lot of potatoes today." Mrs. Jeon wheeled her wheelchair to the garden.

You followed her with a huge smile on your face. Who would have thought food could make you this happy?

Or maybe the thought of cooking for your loved ones was what made you happy.

"Forgive your useless mother-in-law." Mrs. Jeon was apologetic as she watched you pick vegetables all by yourself. She couldn't crouch down as it would only hurt her leg. The old woman sounded solemn. At this point of your life, you understood that you didn't always have to speak up or refute someone's statement—even when they're being pessimistic about themselves. Sometimes, they were only ranting for the sake of it.They just needed someone to listento them because it was not like they didn't know their situation. They were the ones who had problems.You couldn't always offer them solutions because, almost 100% of the time, they had most likely thought of what you thought.

Truth be told, Mrs. Jeon sighed at your silence and felt more at ease to voice out her feelings, "I've been a burden to my husband and my Jungkook-boy since my leg has become useless. Sometimes, I wish the heavens would have mercy and just take me away."

This was something you couldn't tolerate. You stopped picking vegetables to grab Mrs. Jeon's hand. Your grip was tight.

"It's just hard, you know?" Mrs. Jeon gripped your hand, too. She lovingly stroked your fingers like Jungkook did when you couldn't sleep. "I'm the mother of our family, but I've become like a child. I find it hard to bathe myself; I can't control my food, and my leg always hurts. Jungkook couldn't find a wife because he feels the need to take care of me."

You couldn't speak about Mrs. Jeon's pain, but you could talk about the truth about Jungkook. You stared at the old lady and said, "I don't think Jungkook minds. He loves you a lot."

He really did. Jungkook would rather swallow the embarrassment of being called a mama's boyif it meant his mother was happy and healthy. Mrs. Jeon knew this as well. Tears welled up in her eyes. She sobbed imperceptibly.

"He does, doesn't he? My Jungkook is such a good boy. I was so scared when the doctors told me I needed to get surgery. They said it will leave a big scar."

Mrs. Jeon was wearing a long, thick dress since her leg was sensitive to the cold, but she held the hem of her dress as if she wanted to raise it and show you something.

"I cried for days. Jungkook-boy comforted me, but I was inconsolable. My leg will be a reminder of my hardship. I don't want that."

Don't we all? The voice inside your head answered. You had scars, too. It was just that yours was not visible to the eyes—your heart was scarred and battered. People might laugh if you told them your greatest heartbreak was law school, as it would appear insignificant compared to life-threatening problems, but that's the thing. Your pain only seemed irrelevant because they were comparingit to something else.No one saw you shedding tears and losing sleep and dignity whenever your professors threw hurtful words to crush your confidence.

"My surgery went well, but the pain I felt did not get any better. I hated looking at my scars. Until one day..." Mrs. Jeon was hit with a wave of memories. The corner of her mouth twitched. She raised the hem of her dress.

Your breathing hitched as you saw her leg. It was covered with colorful stars. They were tattooed on her skin perfectly.

"It's pretty," your eyes glistened with amazement. You asked Mrs. Jeon if you could trace the stars with your fingers. She happily agreed.

"It was Jungkook's idea. That boy is really thoughtful." Mrs. Jeon saw that Jungkook was affected by her pain. Jungkook was so down he could barely think, but one day, Jungkook went home with a smile on his face. He was humming an unfamiliar song. Mrs. Jeon asked what got him vibrating with excitement.

“Someone sang a song for me. “Jungkook creased his eyes and crouched down. Without any more words, he exposed his newly tattooed skin to his mother.

"Jungkook-boy got a tattoo to convince me to get one myself. It's to show me it's not painful. It’s pretty; now I can look at my leg without crying."

Oh.

Your mind blanked for a moment. You tried to imagine Jungkook and where he could have gotten his tattoo. He was a police officer. He couldn't have had it tattooed somewhere visible to everyone.

Maybe he had one on his leg, too?

No. You had seen him wear shorts before. Perhaps he had it tattooed on his back?

You couldn't stop obsessing about Jungkook's tattoo as you and Mrs. Jeon roamed around her garden. Your second bag was almost full of produce. You told Mrs. Jeon you'd gotten enough for the month.

"That's good. Let's just roam around for a bit, okay? Fresh air is good."

You gave into the old woman's wish. Their garden was big. Your mouth went agape with how pretty the flowers were.

"Did you plant these yourself?" You plucked a small flora and placed it behind Mrs. Jeon's ear. She giggled.

"Yes, although Jungkook maintains them for me. He's a flower enthusiast himself. I'm convinced it's the flowers that he can't leave, not me." She chuckled, "Come, I'll show you his beloved flowers."

You walked for a few more meters before coming face to face with Jungkook's mini flower plantation.

"What do you think? Beautiful, isn't it?" Mrs. Jeon asked.

It took you a long time to respond. Your mouth had gone dry, and you felt like a lump was stuck in your throat. As a lawyer, nothing really surprised you anymore. You had dealt with pathological liars, brutal killers, and more.

But the thing before you shocked you to the core. Shivers ran through your spine while looking at Jungkook's flowers.

Daisies.

Jungkook had a daisy plantation. They're different colors, looking suspiciously like the ones he displayed on Sora's home daily.

Your legs weakened. You had to hold onto the wheelchair bar so you wouldn't fall. Suddenly, the past two weeks felt like a bad joke to you.

Your heart constricted, feeling your stomach drop, too.

"Sweetheart, are you okay? Your face is pale." Jungkook's mom told you to crouch down so she could see your face properly. She saw the light trembling of your lips and your reddish eyes.

Mrs. Jeon felt like she was looking at your younger self. This was the same expression you wore when Jungkook told his parents and your parents that you had kicked him. This was the face you made when you felt you had fucked up.

"You can tell me what's bothering you." Her gentle voice made you want to cry. Looking at Jungkook's mother hit close to home. You had not thrown a tantrum in years, but as you faced this old woman, you thought it wouldn't be so bad if you screamed and kicked your feet out of frustration.

The frustration you felt for yourself as you continuously fuck everything up.

"Mum, what should I do?" You whispered like a lost lamb. Mrs. Jeon caressed your cheeks before holding your head to her lap.

"It's alright," she assured you. "You're allowed not to do anything. Come, let's get you something to eat first. There's nothing food can't solve."

You couldn't eat, though. You were just going to puke it since your stomach was still turning. And so the old woman diverted your mind to crocheting and playing music. When the sun had set, Mrs. Jeon insisted on feeding you again, but you told her you wanted to cook for your family, which seemed to do the trick.

Truthfully, Mrs. Jeon felt guilty feeding you a bunch of stuff while her son and grandchild were probably eating garbage.

"Alright, alright. I'll let you go now." Mrs. Jeon shooed you away after putting more food in your bag. "Drive safely. I'll see you soon, my pretty daughter-in-law!"

You hopped into your car and drove away. You had never been this excited to come back home.

***

The drive back to the Kang' residence felt like an eternity. You were itching to see Jungkook so much that you almost ran inside.

"Hi?" Jungkook was startled to see your panting face. He was having dinner alone when you suddenly emerged in the dining room.

"H-Hi." You greeted back; your breathing was still ragged.

Jungkook noticed the two big bags in your hands, his eyes dilating. He immediately waltzed to your direction and helped you carry them.

"Oh, damn. It's heavy. What the hell is all this?" Jungkook struggled to place the bags on the countertop. How did you manage to carry them all the way here?

Adrenaline.

Your mind had tricked you that you were in danger—like you were going to have a heart attack if you didn't see Jungkook now.

"They're from your mother." You ran out of lies, and frankly, you were tired of them.

"Oh?" Jungkook stood frozen for a second before inspecting the bags. He saw the familiar dishes his mother usually cooked.

All at once, Jungkook's heavy heart felt light. The stones had been lifted.

You were out all day visiting his beloved mother?

"She didn't want me to tell you. But don't worry," you waved your hand in dismissal, "We didn't eat lobster. She's fine."

Jungkook watched you suspiciously, but then your treacherous stomach suddenly growled. Instantly, Jungkook's lips curved into a smirk.

"You didn't eat lobster. Did you even eat at all?"

"Oh, shut up." You rolled your eyes on him.

It was good how you and Jungkook could immediately fall back to your old selves. You guessed Jungkook had long since touched your soul that fighting and making up didn't amount to much.

"Where's Hanni? Why are you eating alone?"

"Oh. She ate earlier. She's sleeping now. You know that kid well. She said she'll have more energy for her playdate with the Lee kids tomorrow if she sleeps now." Jungkook went back to the table. He was doing okay but suddenly became agitated as he opened a plastic bag of takeout food.

"I didn't know you were coming home tonight, so I only bought this for you." Jungkook brought out one oyster pail from the plastic.

The savory smell of your favorite Chinese food wafted in the room. Your stomach growled louder.

This time, you didn't shy away from the sound. Your mind was elsewhere—something more important:

Jungkook thought you weren't coming home, yet he still brought your favorite food.

The realization felt like a slap in the face. You almost lost your balance because of the impact of his actions.

This man was really...

"I'm sorry I didn't buy an extra portion of dumplings." Jungkook scratched the back of his neck, misunderstanding your silence. He honestly thought you were back to being mad because of dumplings.

Pain shot at your heart. Just how cruel were you to him these past two weeks that he thought he wasn't doing enough?

"It's okay. Thank you-u." You stuttered while trying to hide the pain in your voice. Jungkook watched as you sat on the chair, broke the chopsticks into two, and wordlessly ate your food.

Jungkook couldn't see your eyes as you ate with your head down. He sighed, and after watching you for a few more seconds, he sat down and ate with you.

The silence was deafening but not unwelcome. You needed this peace before the storm.

The drizzling started after finishing your food. Jungkook offered to wash the dishes. You did not fight him and simply nodded.

Jungkook thought you'd return to your room since you no longer have a business here. However, he was surprised when not only did you stay—you also stayed close to him.

"Uh..." Jungkook glanced at you from the side. The silence earlier was not awkward, but this one was.

"Why?" You leaned on the countertop and folded your arms across your chest. You stared at him lazily, "Go on. Wash the dishes."

Jungkook was in a dilemma here. You see, he didn't want to wash the dishes while you were around. Or rather, he didn't want you to see him put on the washing gloves.

"What's wrong?" You furrowed your brow when Jungkook didn't move.

"Don't tell me you don't want to work in front of your empress?"

Jungkook still did not move. His lips were glued together.

The drizzling turned into light rain.

"Fine then." You shrugged nonchalantly. Jungkook breathed out, thinking you had given up. But lawyers like you did not know how to give up.

You pushed through. You thrivedto get what you wanted.

You grabbed Jungkook's right hand. He wasn't expecting your action, so you saw how his hand balled into a fist. He didn't flinch, though—never.

Never from you.

As usual, Jungkook was wearing his silver Versace watch. You weren't sure why it took you long to notice something about him, but now that you did, you couldn't stop obsessing about it:

Jungkook was wearing his wristwatch on his right hand despite his left hand being his non-dominant one.

It perfectly complemented his silver engagement ring, but this practice was still out of the ordinary for many.

The light rain turned moderate.

You were still grasping Jungkook's hand. You stared at it with your blazing gaze. Jungkook saw how hard you bit your lip—like looking at his hand was a complex puzzle you couldn't solve.

The staring lasted a few minutes before you caressed his hand with both your hands. Jungkook's heart was in his throat. He could only watch helplessly as you removed his wristwatch.

The action only lasted seconds but felt like an eternity for Jungkook. It was tortureto have your soft hand kneading his wrist.

His wrist was tattooed.

So your hunch was correct, huh?

Jungkook really did have his wrist tattooed. You surveyed the design with a dry mouth, a hammering chest, and blurry eyes.

Jungkook had a bracelet tattoo—the bracelet was made with flowers.

But it wasn't just flowers—they were aquamarine daisies.

"Nice tattoo," you whispered as you traced your fingers on it.

You could hear Jungkook's shallow breathing when he hummed in response, "Yeah. It's dedicated to my empress. Her Majesty's born in March."

March was your birth month. The assigned birthstone for this month was aquamarine.

"Your empress didn't know she has such a dedicated subject." Your eyelashes fluttered, tilting your head to the side to expose your neck.

Jungkook gazed salaciously at your exposed skin. He suddenly thought if he were to be a vampire, it wouldn’t be too bad...

"I don't dare tell her. I don't think Her Majesty likes me very much." It took me a long time to figure out my feelings, too. But I didn’t want to run away from her—I didn’t want to run away from you.

Jungkook’s unspoken thoughts remained unspoken, though. He feared he’d scared you again. You two were barely talking. Jungkook didn’t know if tonight was a miracle because it sure felt like it was. Seeing you here was already enough.

“Her Majesty can be a little dense, huh?” You dropped his wrist, but your hand made its way to cupped his jaw. Jungkook was a big man, but he purred.Like a cat, he couldn’t help but nuzzle his face to your hand.

“Nah, I’m just too presumptuous. How could a mere servant dare kiss Her Majesty?” Jungkook’s voice was solemn. This was his way of subtly apologizing for his actions. He couldn’t apologize to you directly as it might ruin your mood.

But you were done pretending. You didn’t want subtlety anymore. What you realized at the Jeon’s garden shook your heart. You felt like you were deprived of oxygen after chain-smoking for so long.

It might be too late, but you wanted to quit. You wanted to give your lungs air that went by the name Jungkook,so you did just that.

The moderate rain turned into a thunderstorm.

You did not care about the lightning and thunder. All you could think about was the feeling of Jungkook’s lips against yours.

They are soft—was your first thought. But it’s not enough.You wanted more of him.

You grabbed Jungkook’s face and kissed him harder. It took him a few seconds to respond, thinking he was in a fever dream.

But this was real.

Jungkook moaned as his hands roamed around your body. He touched your hips. You were real.

He caressed your waist—you were real.

He stroked your hair—you were real.

He pushed his tongue inside your slightly parted lips—you were fucking real.

“For reference…” You broke the kiss for a while. Jungkook grumbled in annoyance. He tried to run after your lips while his eyes were tightly shut.

You laughed heartily but backed away. Jungkook gave up and just buried his face on your neck. He sucked bruises into it. God, you were so sweet and warm.

“I just taught you how to kiss me. You can’t just peck on my lips—”

“You want to be devoured. I get it.” Jungkook was impatient. He kissed you again.

He kissed and touched you until your lips had gone numb—until the thunderstorm stopped and the rainbow and sun resurfaced again.

***

The aftermath of the kiss wasn't tragic like the first one because Jungkook had learned his lesson.

"Seriously?" You looked at Jungkook in disbelief as you wriggled out of his grasp. Sadly, he didn't let you go and only tightened his hold on you like a koala bear.

"Tsk. Who knew you'd be this clingy?" In the end, you had no choice but to give up struggling. Jungkook had made up his mind. He would cling to you all night lest you run away again.

Kissing you was like a dangerous drug for him. It left him craving more.Admittedly, Jungkook stole many kisses from you in a span of ten minutes. You thought you wouldn't mind, but damn was he a ferocious beast.

He had bitten and licked you enough. You still need to meet some of your clients tomorrow. You couldn't go around looking like a violet painting, could you?

"Just one more kiss." Jungkook was about to kiss you again, but you pushed his forehead away.

"No. Your one kiss will last twenty minutes. Have mercy. I have a cut on my lips because of you!"

"Maybe I should kiss it better?" Jungkook batted his eyelashes. You pinched his cheeks in both annoyance and fondness.

"I can't believe I got myself a clingy boyfriend."

That shut Jungkook up. He looked at you dumbly, frozen like a stone in his spot.

It took him a second to realize the meaning of your statement. He gasped and grabbed your shoulders.

"We're dating?"

You blushed because of how surprised and delighted he sounded. It made you wonder if you were being toohasty, but you couldn't take back your statement now, could you? Not when the big puppy beside you was vibrating with excitement.

Gosh. He was so pathetic for you.

"Don't you want to?"

"No. No!" Jungkook licked his lips, his jaw tensing. You two were currently sitting on the couch. Jungkook could see the red roses on the center table. It pissed him off. The smile he flashed at you was strained. "It's good that you confirmed we're dating. That means the person who keeps sending you flowers will stop now, right?"

"Huh? You mean Mrs. Tanaka?" You narrowed your eyes. That old woman was a client of yours. She had a legal dispute over her land and had you represent her in court. The Supreme Court recently decided in favor of her, so now the land was rightfully hers. She sent you flowers as an additional expression of thank you.

Your clients have always been sweet. Aside from monetary value, they liked gifting you flowers, luxury bags, and perfumes.

Jungkook was stupefied. Of course, he knew Mrs. Tanaka. She brought candies for Hanni last time. Jungkook had approved it, so Hanni happily indulged her sweet tooth while you weren't looking.

He would have never guessed that Mrs. Tanaka was the one who sent you flowers.

You looked at Jungkook suspiciously, though. Then you crinkled your eyes. "Wait, did you think some guy is sending me flowers?"

Jungkook's lips protruded into a pout. He scratched his nape, "Well, you know. Someone did send you home before, then you received those popcorn flowers the next day..."

"Oh, my gosh. You're still not over that!?" You gaped at Jungkook. You seemed to learn more things about your boyfriend as time passed by. Was he seriously the jealous type?

You thought about it for a second, realizing it wasn't a red flag for you. In fact—

You looked at Jungkook's still sulky face. It warmed your heart in an instant.

—In fact, it was kind of cute.

"You don't have to worry." You stroked his arms. "I'm not entertaining anyone else. You're the only one I like."

Jungkook's downturned lips curved up. He practically had stars in his eyes. "Good. No more going out on dates either, except with me."

"But I never went on dates?" You didn't have time for it. Your clients were the only ones you met up with. Besides, meeting someone with a romantic intent was difficult for you. You hated opening your heart to a stranger since it was a waste of time and would probably not work out.

But Jungkook was not convinced. He remembered that you went on a date two weeks ago. He let out ahmph sound and said, "Don't lie to your boyfriend. You were on a date recently. You even wore a black dress."

Oh, that. Realization dawned on you. You shook your head at Jungkook, "Tsk. Are you the strict type? I went out with Ji-eun that night. That girl neededa break, you know?"

She sure did. Ji-eun was an overworked prosecutor. She couldn't remember the last time she went out, so you volunteered to take her on a date. Ji-eun was hammered.You didn't have a choice but to stop drinking and just babysit her.

You brought her home, too, and decided to stay the night.

"I'm saving the planet. I'm a responsible citizen!" You reasoned out to Jungkook. If you left Ji-eun at her home, you were sure she and Jongsuk would end up making another baby.

Jungkook finally relaxed. As it turned out, most things that made him sad the past two weeks were simply a misunderstanding.

You and Jungkook talked for a bit. He also assured you that he was not dating anyone else. His mother already called you daughter-in-law.He wouldn't dare bring anyone else home—he also didn't want to.

"I still can't believe this is real." Jungkook sighed with contentment as he gazed at your face.

He couldn't believe that after so long, you two would be here, sitting on the couch without biting each other's neck—that there would come a time when he could admit he liked you and that you felt the same.

If someone told him a month ago that he would be dating you, he probably would laugh at their face. You and Jungkook had a long history together; even now, you still have to figure out many things. But it was best to take things slow, mainly because you needed to prioritize Hanni first. The deliberation of the social workers hasn't been finalized yet.

"I'm real." You leaned your head over Jungkook's shoulder. You also traced his tattoo once again. Next time, you'd ask him why and when he got this. "We're real."

Jungkook nodded before kissing your temples. He felt your heartbeat through your wrist for a while.

He brought your hand to his mouth a little later, kissed it, and whispered goodnight to you.

***

Unfortunately, you might have to reevaluate jealousyas your red flag.

Your morning started off the same. You were cooking breakfast while Jungkook went out to check the mailbox. He hadn't seen flowers in a while, but fate seemed to be testing you as there was a fresh bouquet of tulips on your doorstep.

"Another client?" Jungkook frowned, letting you see the messy handwriting on the bouquet's card. Your name was written on it with a small heart on the end.

The veins in your head felt like they were going to explode. You honestly didn't want to deal with this early in the morning, but you realized that the sooner you talked about it, the sooner it would go away.

"I know where the flowers came from." You sighed loudly and took off your apron. It was a Sunday. Jongsuk would pick up Hanni after lunch. Perhaps it was better to order food online as your morning would be spent pacifying a big baby.

"I'm not sure if you remember him, but his name is Rico Braun. He was—"

"Mingyu's classmate and a bastard who's obsessed with you." Jungkook cut you off harshly. He wasn't mad at you or anything. This wasn't even about his jealousy. Jungkook's rage was directed at Rico.

How could Jungkook forget him? Rico was the reason why Mingyu's life became so fucked up. Jungkook hated him.

You gave your boyfriend warm tea and coaxed him to calm down. Unfortunately, Jungkook was still brooding. Hanni woke up a little later. She noticed her Jungkook-boy was in a foul mood, so she tried cheering him up.

Hanni was never scared of Jungkook. At three, she already knew Jungkook-boy would neverhurt her.

"Come on, I've already blocked his number. We haven't talked in a while now." You told Jungkook the last time you and Rico talked was many weeks ago. He insisted on bringing you home, so you just agreed to get it over with. You also told him Rico was already out of the country.

However, Jungkook didn't feel at ease. He searched for Rico on social media platforms.

"I'm blocking him too!" Jungkook announced.

You, him, and Hanni were in the living room. Hanni said she wanted to watch a movie with you and Jungkook before Uncle Jongsuk picked her up.

The little girl chose a movie while his male guardian sulked beside her.

"Hanni, look. He's not good-looking, isn't he?"

Jungkook's pettiness reached another level when he showed Hanni a photo of Rico. You facepalmed. This was a little too much.

But Hanni was on Jungkook's side. She looked at the picture and scowled, "Jungkook-boy, who is that? He looks like the one I saw in a movie before!"

As if on cue, the teYoongision flashed a movie recommendation. It was called Antz.Hanni giggled and pointed at the screen, "Look! Look! He looks like Z!"

Z was a character in Antz. Your mouth parted in shock as Hanni and Jungkook made fun of Rico. You couldn't care less about Rico, but you scolded them for being mean.

Jungkook caressed Hanni's hair when he realized his mistake, "Terni is right, Hanni. We can't be mean to other people. You can't judge them solely based on looks, alright?"

Your heart relaxed at that. You thought that was the end, but Jungkook added something more.

"Except him. You are allowed to make fun of this dude called Rico. He's a me—"

The pillow hit Jungkook's face before he could finish his sentence.

He looked at you sheepishly. You glared.

Silence filled the room.

Jungkook finally shut up.

***

Jungkook slowly returned to normal a few weeks after you two started dating. He hadn't really changed much to begin with. Jungkook became comfortable with being a little too in lovewith you.

Of course, the bickering never stopped. Jungkook still got on your nerves and vice versa. If one thing had changed, it was that Jungkook became busier with work.

He was assigned to many patrol operations and review reports. One time, you and Jungkook got home in the middle of the night because Jungkook had to go to the hospital first and get stitches.

You were so mad you berated Yoongi. "There are so many newbie officers out there! Why'd you have to send Jungkook to deal with these bastards!"

Jimin and Jungkook grabbed your shoulders to steady you. The bastards you were talking about were two groups of men who got into a brawl. Jungkook stepped in to stop them. They were useless gangs who had the gall to start a fight but cowered under the skirts of their mother.

It was so annoying!

Captain Yoongi was unbothered, though. He drank his tea and shrugged his shoulders. Jungkook brought you home while cajoling you to calm down.

However, you couldn't calm down, wanting to see him okay and out of danger. You and Jungkook ended up sleeping in the same bed that night. You tossed and turned, making sure you weren't hitting his wounds. You had to get up every 2hours to remind him to take his medicine.

Jungkook appreciated your concern so much that he wouldn't stop peppering your face with feather-like kisses. He thought the incident was a blessing in disguise as that was the start of the two of you sleeping in the same bed.

You hadn't gone beyond kissing and a few touches here and there, though. The nights you stayed together were more of a getting-to-know-each-otherphase.

Jungkook missed almost a decade of your life. He spent those years confused about his feelings for you—sometimes he liked you, sometimes he felt disappointed in the path you chose.

But ultimately, he felt regret because he hadn't made up his mind in those years. What did he truly want?

You were different from Jungkook. You knew everything that happened to him since Sora never failed to update you, even though you told her you couldn't care less.

That was a lie—you only told Sora this to make yourself feel better about how things ended between you and Jungkook.

Both of you achieved great things despite not being in the company of the other. But now that you were together, things became greater.

It was a typical day for you. You didn't work on weekends anymore, but your weekdays were busier than ever. A client of you called with an urgent concern. You were supposed to drop off Hanni at the daycare today, but your stupid client ruined your schedule.

"Don't say anything." You reminded your client in haste as you put on your heels. Your phone was attached to your ear since your hands were full of documents. Damn it. You were going to be late! "You're saying you are in Seoul now? The officers there would harass you. Demand a medical check-up before you engage with their demand. Again, don't say anything unnecessary without me there."

You kissed Jungkook and Hanni and mouthed goodbyeto them. Jungkook was sad you were leaving early but knew he couldn't interfere with your work. Jungkook watched helplessly as you sprinted toward your vehicle.

You started your car while still on the phone with your client. The latter was crying on the other line, saying how scared he was of the police officers in Seoul. He wasn't familiar with the city. Unfortunately, he got arrested for violating a local government law relating to operating an unmanned aircraft.

You were in the middle of talking to your client and were about to drive away when Jungkook abruptly entered your car.

"I'll go now. See you in a while." You cut off the line so you could direct your attention to Jungkook. He was carrying Hanni, and both of them were looking at you disapprovingly.

"What is it?" You huffed at them. You didn't have time for games. You had work to do.

Hanni crossed her arms while Jungkook lightly flicked your forehead.

"Ouch!" You overreacted. "What was that for?"

Both Jungkook and Hanni shook their heads. Jungkook was the one who explained their disappointment.

"You're driving away without a seatbelt? Don't you have regard for your life? Why do you keep forgetting you're a mom now?"

"Mama doesn't love us!" Hanni added fuel to the fire.

Oh.

You sheepishly blinked at them. Right. You were a 'mom' now. Frieda and Kiyomi released a statement, saying that you and Jungkook passed the deliberation. All you needed to do now was to sign the documents and submit them to the court, then the court would contact you to swear an oath, and that was it.

You would legally be Hanni's guardian. It was a done deal already. Jungkook knew you had already submitted the documents to the court. All you needed to do was wait for their call.

Your friends rejoiced with the news. You all had a mini party to celebrate. Hanni was so happy despite not knowing the legalities of the process. She just understood that you would forever be with her.

Admittedly, it was Hanni's idea to call you and Jungkook as ‘Mama’and ‘Papa.’You were at the party at that time. You announced the good news to your friends. Rin—Ji-eun and Jongsuk's eldest child--looked at Hanni innocently and asked, "Does this mean they're your mama and papa now?" while pointing at you and Jungkook.

You wished you were kidding when you said Hanni's eyes dilated out of excitement. She instantly called you Mama. A big smile was plastered on her lips.

You wanted badly to refute her. Not because you hated the idea of being a mom but because you did notwant to stealsomething that belonged to Sora and Niccolo.

Jungkook saw your struggle and wanted to correct Hanni, too. But Hanni called him Papa,and Jungkook didn't have the heart to refute her.

Thankfully, Hanni said something that soothed your guilty heart, "Isn't it cool? I have Mummy Sora, Daddy Nico, Mama Terni, and Papa Jungkook-boy!"

The kids cheered. One of Ji-eun's children even asked if she could have another papa,too. Jongsuk refused his kid vehemently. The mood lightened afterward, allowing you to continue the party without hiccups.

Since then, Hanni has never stopped addressing you as Mama.There were times you still felt awkward, just like now.

In your thirty-two years of existence, you had never once thought a little kid and Jungkook, as your boyfriend, would berate you for not wearing your seatbelt.

"It's my fault." And that you would so easily concede to them. Jungkook helped you wear your seatbelt. After that, he kissed your forehead. Hanni kissed your cheek.

Jungkook wanted to kiss you on the lips, but you told him to have some decency as you were in the presence of your child.

Jungkook snorted and unsuccessfully hopped out of the car with Hanni. They waved goodbye to you before going back inside the house.

"Remember, kid. You can kiss your loved ones on the lips. I happen to like your Mama so much that I can kiss her anytime. It's normal." Jungkook reminded Hanni. He couldn't say he didn't have ulterior motives for this, but a part of him wanted Hanni to learn affection and what should've been normalized in the first place.

"Alright," Hanni kissed Jungkook's cheek, "Does that mean I can kiss my friend Beren on the lips? I like him!"

Jungkook's eyes widened.

He lightly grabbed Hanni's shoulder and stared deep into her eyes. Jungkook's jaw ticked. "No! You absolutely cannot kiss Beren! You're a child!"

Beren was Ji-eun and Jongsuk's child. Jungkook felt pain in his heart. This was not happening! He couldn't let his three-year-old kid like that pimp Beren!

Jungkook sighed in frustration and defeat. He sat down with Hanni and told Captain Yoongi he would be late for work. Jungkook didn't care about salary deductions or any punishment ahead.

He needed to educate his daughter first!

***

The case of your client in Seoul turned out difficult to handle. It took you half a day to deal with it. You also visited your office and talked to your secretary about some updates, so it was already nighttime when you reached Busan.

The Kang Residence was unbelievably quiet. For once, Jungkook wasn't by the door to welcome you.

Strange.

You entered the house. All the lights were turned off. You checked Jungkook and Hanni's rooms, but they were not around.

For some reason, your heart had gone cold. You felt numbness crawling from your feet to your head when you opened the cabinets.

Empty.

It only meant one thing: Jungkook and Hanni left you.

It should have come as a shocker, but you expected this. This was your plan, after all. It was just that something changed. Instead of Jungkook and Hanni, you should have been the one who left.

Still, you couldn't help but cling to them. You tried calling Jungkook. However, his phone was turned off. You had no choice but to call his mother.

Mrs. Jeon answered the phone, asking what was wrong. She was worried after her son and granddaughter barged into her home.

You couldn't explain the situation via phone, so you told her you'd be there in a few minutes. You didn't mind if she told Jungkook because, despite things escalating to this level, you knew Jungkook would not run away from a confrontation.

He wanted to know what was up with you, too.

The drive to the Jeon's residence was short. You couldn't remember stepping on the gas so hard. For once, all thoughts evaporated in your head as the inevitable enveloped you:

You fucked up.

You and Jungkook were doing okay just this morning. He kissed you goodbye and reminded you to wear your seatbelt, but now everything felt suffocating. You removed the seatbelt and hopped out of the car.

Your numb legs miraculously made it to the door. Jungkook was there. He was leaning on the wall with a cigarette in his hand.

Jungkook never smoked—he hated the smell and its effect, but he couldn't help but indulge in the feeling of smoke filling his lungs.

He was stressed.

"Hey," you greeted. What other choice did you have? Whatever you spouted would sound like bullshit to him. A simple 'hey' was the safest option.

But as expected, Jungkook did not bother to look at you. He stared into nothing as he puffed out smoke.

You turned your head away and held your breath. The suffocating smell of smoke made you want to puke.

"I've read your letter." Jungkook's voice was devoid of any emotion.

You'd like to think you had seen almost all sides of him. You saw him angry, frightened, grieving, and disappointed.

But this? This was something you hadn't seen before. Jungkook seemed like a dead robot. When he looked at you, you saw nothing—not even disgust.

Jungkook just felt empty. For the second time, he felt what it was like to be proven wrong.

"I trusted you, you know," Jungkook said in a flat tone. His face was hollow when he threw the cigarette stick on the floor.

You watched as ashes scattered on the floor. They were like the memories you spent together these past months. Now, Jungkook did not hesitate to let them go.

He stepped on the cigarette stick aggressively.

"I honestly believed you had a change of heart, but..." Jungkook trailed off. He chuckled at himself—of how naïve he was. Then he looked up—like doing so was the only way to stop the tears from falling down his eyes.

He didn't want to cry in front of you.

"You betray me. As usual."

"J-Jungkook..." Your voice cracked. The lump in your throat grew bigger, threatening to choke you.

"Don't." Jungkook's jaw ticked. Anger flashed in his eyes. No. You didn't have the right to look apologetic. He wouldn't want to hear your lame excuse. You had made a decision already—just like what you did when you left Busan to chase your dream.

Jungkook knew everything now. You lied to him. You did not submit the documents to the court. You didn't even sign them. The papers collected dust on your office table.

All because you did not want to be Hanni's legal guardian.

Jungkook had read the letter you wrote. It was addressed to the judge, Kiyomi, and Frieda. You told them you were backing out from the guardianship as you couldn't do it—you weren't fit to be a mother.

You said you wanted to pass all responsibilities to Jungkook. Maybe Taehyung, too, if he agreed. You claimed you didn't want anything to do with Hanni--that you wanted to go back to Seoul and focus on your career.

To further your fucking career.

Jungkook wanted to scream because he should have known. And honestly, he couldn't fault you either. You had always been like this. You had always thought about your career more than anything.

More than him.

More than Hanni.

"What are you still doing here? Why haven't you left?" Jungkook did not want to see you anymore.

Your heart couldn't take it. Bad habits die hard. You were a heartless jerk who liked putting the blame on others. You were a ruthless lawyer who turned on the good to protect the evil.

You were the evil. Jungkook realized when you threw back a question at him, "What about you? Don't you hate me? Then why are you still waiting for me here?"

Say you love me.

Make me change my mind.

Fight these demons threatening to swallow me whole.

Save me.

"You—" Jungkook huffed. He was speechless because of your shamelessness. Tears fell down his cheeks. He wiped them harshly. "You're really something, aren't you?"

You sucked in a breath. That's right. Be angry with me. Show me something.

But you were asking for too much. Even you knew how shameless you were being. You couldn't keep doing this. You couldn't keep hurting Jungkook.

It was not fair.

You stepped back. From your distance, you could see Jungkook shaking. He was clenching his fist so tightly—you were sure his fingernails had dug into his skin to the point of scarring.

When you two started going out, Jungkook stopped wearing his wristwatch, but he was wearing it again.

You couldn't fault him. This was on you.

So you did what you're good at.

"Let's break up, Jungkook."

You broke him.

Jungkook gnashed his teeth as a response. Tears continue to flood his cheeks.

"Fine." He glared at you. "Have it your way. Let's not see each other again."

Jungkook already had his heart broken. You had seen him shed tears because of you. His pride was severely damaged, so all he could do was turn away.

You didn't take that away from him. You let him have his last shred of dignity.

And then you left.

****

***

It's Friday.

You used to spend the night watching movies with Hanni and Jungkook, but now that you were back in Seoul, your Friday night switched to dealing with cases you'd be presenting in court next week.

Your weekend should have been a rest day. You would wait for one of your friends to pick up Hanni, and then you and Jungkook would go on a date.

But that was before. Now, you were just a single, overworked lawyer who breathed in money.

It was more complicated now that you were in Seoul. You were constantly receiving emails from the Braun Family, asking you to work for them again and if there was any chance you could appeal Gabi's case.

It was a shot in the dark, but they still did it. After all, you didn't hesitate to do it before. You betrayed Mingyu for money. Now, you have done the same thing. You gave up on your promise to your dead best friend to further your 'career.'

"Attorney, Mr. Braun called again. They're offering to make you the head of their—"

"Decline it." You didn't let your secretary finish. She understood at once, proceeding to your next business.

"Noted. I'm reminding you that you have a court hearing tomorrow morning from seven to nine. Should I confirm your attendance?"

"Yes." You answered without casting your gaze away from the files. Work. You needed to work harder.

"Then tomorrow at 9:15am, you are invited by the University of Seoul to give a lecture to graduating law students. It's a 6-hour lecture. Are you up for it?"

"Yes." Came your robotic response. You could skip lunch. It was not a big deal.

"Mr. Kang needs your legal advice as well. He's asking if you're available at 3:30pm tomorrow?"

"Yes." You turned the page of the files you were reading. Your eyes had gone dry. It was okay.

"Can we still squeeze in a 5pm online consultation with Isayama Corporation? They've been trying to seek your service for a while now."

"Confirm my appearance tomorrow."

Mina wanted to go on but didn't have the heart to. There were so many events and clients you still needed to entertain. What about rest? You hadn't been sleeping the past month.

Your subordinates noticed your drastic loss of weight. Frankly speaking, they were worried about you. However, they had no one to voice their concerns to. They didn't know any of your family members, and Sora, the only one who kept you grounded the past years, was dead.

"Is there anything else?" You leaned back on your swivel chair and looked at your secretary. Was it weird that you felt she was dancing?

Or were you just dizzy?

"Actually, Mr. Kim Taehyung called. He's asking if you're free to meet him for dinner tomorrow. He's in Seoul and said he's willing to pay your hourly rate. How should I respond, Attorney?"

Your eyebrow shot at that. Huh. Taehyung was in Seoul?

"Tell him my hourly rate is thirteen thousand won. If he agrees, tell him I'm meeting him at Tross District."

Mina expressed her understanding and left you alone after. You massaged your aching temples, clamping your eyes shut.

This was your life now. It seemed like nothing had changed, but it felt like everything changed at the same time.

Returning to Seoul after staying in Busan for months made you realize how monotonous your life was—how your life revolved around law and fattening your bank account.

It used to excite you: the thought of earning money and people recognizing your talent. But it didn't seem relevant now—not when you couldn't feel your heart starting. You also couldn’t feel the air or see the sky because you had built your wall higher and stronger this time. They were bluer than ever.

The blue haze spread all over your office. Slowly, you tried to let your guard down as your forehead hit the table.

You breathed in.

You breathed out.

In.

Out.

In. Your tears fell.

Out. More tears fell.

You had to remind yourself it was okay to cry sometimes. Because if you suppressed it all and if you didn't cry enough, the pain would come to bite you back in the ass.

And it was gonna hurt. Like a fucking bitch.

***

Your Saturday reeked of regret.

You regretted filling your schedule the whole day with only a maximum of a thirty-minute break.

Your mind and body were about to give up. Tross District was near your office, yet you almost crawled there. You suddenly regretted charging Taehyung with your regular hourly rate. You should've charged higher because you were not ready to face him.

"Long time no see, Attorney." Taehyung was playing the role of a client very well. His sarcastic remark made you want to roll your eyes. But you didn't. You were trying to be professional.

"Apologies for not arriving on time. I didn't want to be here." Whoops. A slip of the tongue.

Taehyung glared at you. Nonetheless, he helped you sit down. He was not a bastard. He saw how much you were struggling. You looked exhausted.

"Man, Ji-eun is right. You look like shit." Taehyung grimaced. You mimicked his reaction. Damn. Did Ji-eun talk behind your back?

Unfortunately, you couldn't blame Ji-eun. You couldn't cut her off your life, either. She was the only source of information you had in Busan.

You always bugged the prosecutor to update you regarding Jungkook and Hanni. Ji-eun would always sigh and tell you to come see yourself. You never did. You were a coward. Luckily, Ji-eun had a soft spot for a coward like you. She knew the feeling of pining for a guy she thought she couldn't see more than a family.

"I'm busy with work." You dismissed Taehyung with a wave of your hand. You tried to order wine, but Taehyung did not allow you to.

"I'm paying. You're not allowed to escape this conversation with alcohol, Mam." The boy knew your type well. Your technique was getting old already. Haven't you learned enough? You were thirty-two, for God's sake. Why did you still act like your problems would disappear if you ignored them?

You were acting like a child.

"Ugh," you scowled. "What do you want to talk about, anyway? Come on, time's running."

Taehyung ignored you, focusing on ordering proper meals for you. He was not blind. He saw how much you had lost weight. Your breakup with Jungkook and moving back to Seoul ruined you. Taehyung couldn't watch you destroy yourself any further—not when his other best friend in Busan was doing as bad as you were.

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm the biggest idiot in our group or if it's you and Jungkook." Taehyung exhaled loudly. "Or maybe it's Sora. I don't understand why she'd rather leave Hanni to you and Jungkook."

"Hey—!!" Your mind had been working all day. As much as you wanted to refute Taehyung's statement, your brain cells wouldn't do it. You were damn tired. All you could do was roll the tissue paper into a ball and throw it at Taehyung's face.

Taehyung gasped. He debated throwing back the rolled napkin to you but then decided against it. One of you needed to act as the mature one unless you wanted to be kicked out of this restaurant.

Taehyung wouldn't want that—not when he hadn't even started lecturing you for your idiocy and cowardice.

Since Taehyung was a decent person, he let you take a few bites of your food before speaking his mind. You looked like you needed it. You were barely chewing your food. You were so hungry you just swallowed it all.

"Slow down, damn." Taehyung was disgusted. Was this the same person Jungkook cried over about?

"I'm hungry! This is my first meal!"

"You're already living this badly. Don't you have regard for yourself? Are you trying to end your life?"

You stopped slurping your ramen and looked at Taehyung. Seeing his expression had you gluing your mouth shut. Being honest with him would probably send him on a spiral, so you just stuck to your second option: to shut up.

However, Taehyung understood your silence. His jaw ticked, "Why don't you just move back to Busan?"

"Can't. I'm not welcome there anymore." You replied casually. Taehyung felt his head aching.

"And whose fault is that? Aren't you the one who broke up with Jungkook and told me to look after Hanni on your behalf? Your decision got you in this depressive state, yet you still couldn't admit it?"

"I'm not depressed!"

"Oh, come on!" Taehyung badly wanted to throw the rolled napkin on your face. He did. Unfortunately, it landed on your bowl of ramen.

"You—!!"

Taehyung was unapologetic. He snarled at you. "Why are you doing this? Seriously? You're ruining your life for nothing!"

It was a good thing Taehyung hired a private room. Otherwise, you wouldn't have the face to look the customers in the eye. You knew most of them. They had been your clients, and some were your colleagues. You couldn't bear seeing them see you like this.

"And what about it!?" You screamed back. Weeks of built-up frustration fucked you up. Tears brimmed in your eyes. "There's nothing I can do! I can regret all I want, but it ends with that, too. I've ruined everything. You don't understand it. You..."

Your chest was heaving. It was hard to breathe, but you persevered. You felt like you were going to die if you kept it all inside.

"You don't know what it's like to be me, alright? I'm not Sora. I don't know how to be a good mom. I'm not Ji-eun, either! I can't win a case without scheming! And I'm..."

You couldn't hold back your tears. A sob escaped your lips.

"I'm not enough. I don't know how to love him. I'm...broken." The last word was barely above a whisper, but it reverberated through Taehyung's heart.

He couldn't take it. Seeing you like this felt like he was losing another friend. He could only take so much.

"Why do you say that?" Taehyung's expression morphed into something bitter. He bit his lips as if he was stopping something painful. "Did he never tell you?"

Tell me what? You wanted to ask, yet you couldn't find your voice. Your throat was filled with bile. One word, and you would throw it all out. You couldn't. It was too pungent.

Taehyung was conflicted. He stared at you blankly for a while, thinking of how he could explain things to you the same way Jungkook explained to him his feelings for you.

You lapsed into silence.

Taehyung watched the floating tissue on your ramen bowl. He felt guilty. You were deprived of many things.

Taehyung called out your name. Surprisingly, you did not bite back. You just simply hummed to indicate you were listening.

Taehyung calmed down.

"What do you think about law school?"

His question caused you to snap your head up and meet his gaze. Why was Taehyung asking you such a question?

"Can you tell me what you feel about law school?"

You always complained about how hard law school was. Taehyung had to admit that sometimes he pretended to listen to your rant. It drained him to listen to you talk. But now, he really wanted to hear your thoughts.

"I..." You licked your lips. You didn't know where to start. There were so many things to say about law school. Summarizing it would feel like a crime, but you still tried to fit what you feel in a few sentences.

"I abhorred law school so much." You didn't just dislike it—you hated it. "I hate that we follow the Socratic method. I hate that I had to memorize the provisions verbatim. I hate that I had to read hundreds of pages for a single case only to be asked one sentence about it. I hate how my professors attacked me personally and belittled my capacities because I got one question wrong. I hate that I constantly have to demerit my classmates' answers just so I wouldn't get zero on our recitation. I hate that I have to scheme to prove a point. I hate that they call the Constitution the supreme law of the land, but it's open to interpretation—it's open to many things. I view this provision as a circle, but it's a square. I hate it. I hate law school so much."

Taehyung could feel the hatred radiating from you.

"But..." Your lips trembled as you swallowed thickly, "I love law school at the same time. I love how it taught me how to be tough. I love how I can use these square things to help those in need, those falsely accused. I love how my heart pumps whenever I talk about those damned provisions I have memorized by heart. Most importantly, I love how being a lawyer defined me. It's not my whole personality, but it is a part of me."

A huge part of who you are today. Something you could call your own.

"Wow." Taehyung blinked, unable to say anything at first. He knew you were passionate about law but underestimated its impact on you.

You gave your whole heart to law.

"I get it now." The bulb inside Taehyung's head lit up. He squared his shoulders and looked at you with understanding. "You're like this because you haven't realized what you meant to Jungkook."

Taehyung was not making sense to you. You gaped, blinking dumbly at him.

Taehyung shook his head and licked his lips. He tried to explain, "Didn't it ever occur to you that maybe you are Jungkook's definition of law school?"

Jungkook felt two extreme emotions toward you all his life: love and hatred. But your actions to him were more of the latter, so Jungkook thought he'd act like he hated you more.

You didn't exactly give him many reasons to realize his love for you. The anger and the betrayal overpowered something he had not admitted himself.

Come to think of it, every emotion you two felt for each other was so strong that you didn't realize you were rushing into things.

It took you a short time to get together. It took you even a shorter time to break up. Your feelings were so intensethat you didn't know what to do with them.

"I guess you're not the only idiot in your relationship. Jungkook is, too." Taehyung observed. Jungkook was not good with words. He showed his love with actions. It was evident by how he took care of you and awkwardly kissed you the first time. Admittedly, he didn't know what to do after that first kiss. He was an awkward little ball who failed to assure you what it meant.

The second kiss was slightly better, but Jungkook still didn't know what to do with the feelings injected into his heart. He only knew how to cling and possess.

You two hadn't dealt with your issues before. Yes, you made it clear to each other that there was no room for other people in your hearts, but it ended with that.

Frankly, this was the bottom line of your issue. You were vulnerable and admitted to Taehyung, "I don't know what to do with us, Taehyung." You held back a hiccup. "I felt like I've stolen this life."

Your gain was someone else's loss. Would you have dated Jungkook if Sora didn't die? Would you two have started something hadn't been for the fact that you were forced to live together?

These thoughts flooded your brain. More importantly, you thought you didn't deserve to be a mother. Hanni calling you Mama had fucked you up more than you thought it would. You lied to yourself at first, thinking you were simply getting used to the thought of being responsible for a child's life.

However, it was proven to be challenging. You had a broken soul. How could you love a little child who needed body and soul nourishment when you couldn't extend the same treatment to yourself?

Taehyung's words cut you deep. He voiced your deepest fear.

"What?" Taehyung couldn't fathom how you thought you stole the life you had in Busan. He widened his eyes at you, "Are you so insecure and a coward that you think Jungkook can't fall in love with you? That you can't love Hanni, right? Why? Is it because you have convinced yourself no one could love you? That's it, right? You thought that because that's how you viewed yourself in the first place."

Taehyung felt scandalized when he realized something.

He gasped and said, "It's because you don't love you."

No shit. You really had a broken soul and heart. You couldn't accept love, so you ran away from it.

Silence permeated the room. Taehyung didn't know what to say to you anymore. You were defeated, too.

"Just think about it," Taehyung said after a long pause. He blinked and held your hand. He squeezed them tightly. His touch was comforting, but it wasn't warm.

He wasn't Jungkook.

"You're a great lawyer. Just please think about what I said. You are not hard to love. Or even if you are, someone out there treats you like you are his law school."

There was someone out there who would not give up on you. Someone who would stubbornly charge ahead if it mean being a part of your life.

He loved you.

Jungkook loved you.

You and Taehyung left Tross District after you both calmed down. He didn't have the heart to let you go alone, so he drove you home.

Your apartment in Seoul was big, but it didn't feel like a home. It was simply a house. It was cold. Devoid of flowers and laughter.

It made Taehyung's heart ache.

"I'll get going." Taehyung squeezed your shoulders, still feeling lamented by how you treated your body. "Don't forget your promise to me and Sora."

It was game over. Taehyung had used your weakness against you. But you knew he was right. Your heart had decided, too.

"I know." You smiled softly. "I'll talk to him soon."

"Good." Taehyung turned to leave. He was halfway out the door when you called him.

"Taehyung?"

"Hm?"

"How do you know?" How'd you know Jungkook loves me?

Taehyung's eyelashes fluttered. The wind blew gently.

Taehyung smiled at you.

"My best friend told me. I have eyes too, you know? I won't lie to you."

He wouldn't. Taehyung was the most honest man you knew. He was always genuine in whatever he did. He had eyes that saw the truth, too.

Taehyung wouldn't forget about that day. It was when Sora's case came to an end. Taehyung had invited you and the others to dinner.

Jungkook was dazzling when he entered the restaurant. His hand was tightly wrapped just above your waist—like he wanted to attach you to him.

Hanni was in your arms the whole night. Jungkook ate so little as he was busy tending to you. You two were sitting beside each other. Taehyung watched how gently Jungkook gathered your hair so you could eat your hotpot without disruption.

And when you burnt your tongue because of how hot the food was, Jungkook immediately came to rescue you. He brought the cup close to your lips and let you drink water. After that, he gently patted your lips dry with a napkin.

You turned to Jungkook that time and said thank you.

Jungkook smiled back and whispered no problem to your neck.

Taehyung remembered watching the two of you, his heart melting. Some might think it was a simple gesture, but that was a moment of enlightenment for him.

When you know, you know.

"Take care of yourself." Taehyung reminded you for the last time. You didn't say anything more and just watched him leave.

As Taehyung entered his car, you suddenly remembered a portion of Sora's dying letter addressed to you.

"I'm leaving my little girl to you and Jungkook. Don't ask me about Taehyung. He's an idiot. Idiots can't take care of a child."

Huh.

You were starting to think Sora was just making an excuse. She knew Taehyung was not the idiot here.

It was you. And Sora was on a mission to change how you viewed life and yourself.

***

"Papa, where are we going?" Hanni's furrowed brows were cute to look at. However, Jungkook knew the little girl was trying not to cry. She thought she and Jungkook would go somewhere far again.

Hanni was sad the night they moved to the Jeon residence. Admittedly, it was not part of the plan. But Jungkook couldn't bear to stay in the same room as you—not after discovering that you viewed your relationship with him and Hanni as a burden.

Jungkook wouldn't mind if he was the only one affected. He was used to you leaving. But Hanni would get hurt, too. What would this little girl feel if she found out that her Mama didn't want to do anything with her?

"Don't worry, sweetheart. We're just going on a vacation."

Captain Yoongi assigned a drug-related case to Jungkook, so he needed to go to Gangwon Prefecture to investigate. Jungkook was hesitant at first, mainly because he didn't know where to leave Hanni. He had no intention of hiring a babysitter for a whole week. He couldn't leave the kid to Mrs. Jeon either. She was an old woman who could barely stand. Jungkook's friends were all busy, too. Captain Yoongi assigned them individual cases, which were all complex.

Besides, Hanni was vulnerable now. She hadn't moved on from her parents' absence completely. It didn't help that you had left, too.

Hanni always asked about you, but Jungkook made many excuses, saying you were busy with work and that Sora needed a hand to save the rabbits, so you volunteered.

Hanni was not happy to hear the same excuse. You promised to be with her for a hundred years. It hadn't been a year since you swore that, yet you were already gone.

You were a liar. Don't you love her anymore?

"It's just going to be seven days, darling. After that, we can go to your Aunt Ji-eun and Uncle Jongsuk's house. I won't glare at Beren, either. Just go with Papa for now, okay?"

"Okay," Hanni agreed but pouted her lips. She looked at the door to your bedroom, "I miss Mama. When will Mama come back?"

Jungkook and Hanni had moved back to the Kang residence three days after he made sure you had left Busan. The silence of the house was suffocating Jungkook, but he had no choice but to repress his pain.

He was learning from you. Weren't you the one who could pretend everything was alright even though it was all falling apart?

Jungkook needed to be strong for Hanni. However, it wasn't easy to do so. Hanni threw a fuss on the way to Gangwon Prefecture. As it turned out, the little kid didn't like traveling to far places.

Hanni vomited a lot, feeling dizzy from being inside the car for hours.

Jungkook was in a state of panic when they reached Gangwon. He deliberated bringing Hanni to the hospital, but Jimin called via phone and told Jungkook to contact Doctor Kim Seokjin first.

After the online consultation, Kim Seokjin said it was nothing serious and that Hanni just needed to rest. Because of this, Jungkook decided to postpone his investigation for a day.

He and Hanni ended up bonding inside their rented place. They watched movies, played games, and ate tasty food.

Captain Yoongi called at night, though. He said the investigation was an urgent matter. Jungkook couldn't leave Hanni alone, so after making sure that the police station was safe, Jungkook brought Hanni there.

Captain Yoongi was skeptical and wanted Jungkook to see why there were so many drug-related cases in Busan, yet all suspects were thrown to Gangwon Prefecture. Jungkook decided to talk to some of the inmates, but of course, he needed to talk to the head of Gangwon Police Station first.

With Hanni clinging to his arms, Jungkook stepped foot inside the station. He was greeted by a correction officer.

"Hello. I'm Busan's Police Lieutenant Jeon. I'm looking for Captain Choi."

The correction officer checked the computer system first. After confirming that Jungkook indeed had business with their Captain, the correction officer immediately led Jungkook to the Captain's office.

Jungkook brought Hanni, swearing that he had headphones and other games to distract the kid. She wouldn't interfere with the meeting.

The correction officer brushed it off. He said that the Captain usually brought along his children, too.

Jungkook felt at ease. He nodded at the correction officer and finally entered the Captain's room.

But what he saw made him question everything he thought he knew.

***

Your monotonous life passed by. It had been a while since you talked to Taehyung, yet you still refused to make do with your promise to him.

You have not contacted Jungkook yet.

You missed him terribly. You longed to see your little kid, too. But your heart shook every time you tried to contact them.

Just like now.

You dropped your phone on the table, clenching your fists that were shaking.

A stack of files filled your table and office, but you ignored them. Your attention was focused on your phone.

You had been meaning to call Jungkook, but your stupid heart wouldn't calm down.

You screamed internally.

Later. You'd do it later today.

***

Gangwon Police Station had seen it all: there were screaming criminals, crying accused, and police officers who were done with everything and just wanted to go home.

However, it never saw a grand reunion between two friends who had not seen each other in ten years.

Jungkook stared at the man in front of him. He used to be one of those boys who refused to cry as it showed weakness. But he couldn't care about it now.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he stared at his long-lost friend.

***

Your secretary was worried about you.

You had deadlines but were still looking dumbly at your phone instead of working. Mina wanted to snatch the little device and be the one to call whoever the one you'd been meaning to talk to.

Your secretary had never seen you this distressed.

She sighed and thought, "Is my boss in love?" Then she cringed at the thought.

Nah. You're probably thinking of a way to solve a case.

It was impossible for you to be in love. Even if you were, she was sure it would be reciprocated.

You were easy to love.

***

Back in Gangwon Police Station, Jungkook was sitting nervously on the couch. Hanni was crawling around the Captain's office. She had toys to keep her company, so she wasn't interested in disturbing his Papa and the other guy with gentle eyes.

Mina couldn't take it anymore. She'd be damned if you didn't finish your work for today. She was about to waltz in your direction when your phone suddenly rang.

You recoiled.

It took three rings before you answered the call.

"Hello?" You introduced yourself for formalities, thinking that someone had unfortunately given away your personal contact information again.

You were about to tell the person on the other line not to contact this number again, but then you were cut off by a familiar voice.

The person on the other line knew your whole name. He mentioned it before proceeding to his business, "I'm calling from Gangwon Police Station. You need to come here now. There are two people here: One thirty-something male claiming to be your husband, and the other is a three-year-old girl claiming to be your daughter. They say they won't leave unless you, the mom of the family, pick them up."

There were no thoughts left in your head after that sentence. You immediately ended the call and stood up.

"Attorney, where are you going?" Mina panicked. You had work to do. You couldn't leave.

But you couldn't care less about your job right now.

You needed to go.

Your family needed you.

***

The night wasn't young anymore when you reached Gangwon Police Station. The long drive took many hours. You couldn't sit still and fidgeted. Your dumb ass forgot to bring your phone since you were in a hurry. You also didn't have time to tell the driver to make a stop as you wanted to reach your destination as soon as possible.

Fortunately, the driver you hired was professional and was able to drive you to Gangwon without any problems. You paid the driver double and ran towards the station, feeling bad you couldn't give more thanks to the driver.

There was a far more important thing to deal with right now:

Jungkook and Hanni—your family.

"Mama!?" Hanni was the first one to spot you. Jungkook looked in your direction, too. A faint blush colored his cheeks upon seeing you. Jungkook carried Hanni and walked toward you.

No words were exchanged at first. The three of you silently squeezed into a tight embrace.

"Mama! Mama! Hanni misses you so much! " Your little girl was sobbing. She learned to count up to a hundred to track the days you were gone.

71 days. You were gone for seventy-one long days!

"Mama is here now, sweetheart." You kissed Hanni's forehead. Your knees were still weak from sitting in the car for too long. You couldn't carry Hanni yet.

Jungkook understood, but he couldn't hold back any longer.

"Come here," Jungkook's voice was raspy. His bloodshot eyes seemed not to take no for an answer.

You swallowed and stuck closer to him. Jungkook could carry Hanni with one hand. His other hand snaked to your shoulders. You had grown thinner. He could practically fit you in his hand.

"I miss you," Jungkook confessed honestly, and then he kissed your temple.

Blood rushed to your face. Your lips were trembling.

Jungkook grumbled and pulled you closer, acting like he wanted to melt your bodies together.

"I know everything now." He whispered in your ear.

You froze, unable to say anything. Your eyes wandered behind Jungkook.

The Captain of this station stood there, a small smile painted on his lips.

Captain Mingyu Choi. He was known as Mingyu Kim before he got married and took his wife's last name. Of course, you knew this person well. You fought tooth and nail to give him freedom. He was the main reason why you followed the Braun family. They told you they wouldn't involve the police and make sure Mingyu could still live his life. It might not be in Busan, but at least he lived freely here in Gangwon.

It was only today that Jungkook found out the truth. He had no idea that you kept in contact with Mingyu all these years. Jungkook seriously thought you had abandoned Mingyu for your dream.

Mingyu refuted this and told Jungkook the truth, "If it weren't for her, I'd probably end up in a ditch. She made a fair negotiation with the Braun Family. She knew that if she kept protesting, my life would have been ruined more." You studied well in law school and used all the allowance Mr. Braun gave you to fund Mingyu's lifestyle. The money you sent him fed his family and helped him train as a police officer.

Life was not too cruel to Mingyu because just a year after he moved to Gangwon, he met and married Miyeon Choi. It was you who suggested that Mingyu take his wife's last time. It would be easier for him to start a new life. Thankfully, the Braun family did not bother with Mingyu anymore.

You asked Mingyu if he wanted to get back at the Braun for what they did to him. Yes, the Braun family was powerful, but you were a lawyer now. You knew how to fight them. However, Mingyu didn't want more drama.

Mingyu shook his head, "There is no need for that. They tried to ruin my life, but they didn't succeed. Look at me now. I am a police officer. I have a beautiful and intelligent wife. We are happy with our two kids, too."

Call it toxic positivity or whatever, but Mingyu thought things turned out to be for the better. If Rico hadn't put those illegal drugs in his bag, then he wouldn't have met Miyeon. Living in Gangwon changed Mingyu's life for the better.

Jungkook was perplexed, though. He questioned why neither you nor Mingyu had ever told him about the truth. Apparently, it was Mingyu's idea. Mingyu knew Jungkook. He wouldn't stop in the name of justice. Mingyu appreciated it, but he just wanted to live a peaceful life.

Besides, Mingyu was embarrassed. He felt like he was why you and Jungkook had a fallout. He kept in touch with you and found out what happened to Sora and her husband. Mingyu was aware of your setup with Jungkook and was hoping the two of you would end up together this time.

Fate was cruel to you. Mingyu was dejected when he found out you and Jungkook broke up. He thought it was time to take the matter into his own hands and contacted Captain Yoongi. He corroborated with Busan's Captain to fix your relationship.

This was hitting two birds with one stone. Mingyu didn't want to avenge himself, but there were other people involved in this drug case. It wasn't just the Braun Family. In fact, the fall of Mingyu prompted the Braun clan to lay off drugs in Busan. There was a bigger person who was controlling the drug trade in Busan. They threw addicts and other scapegoats in Gangwon since this prefecture was rural and no one would dare investigate further. But Chief Kim and Captain Min had had enough. They needed to be more proactive to fix their city.

Jungkook would be involved, too. This was a case assigned to him, after all. Though he set this aside for now. He traveled all the way to Gangwon to deal with drugs, but he saw Mingyu, and everything turned upside down.

Mingyu helped him calm down before slowly and patiently explaining things to him. Jungkook understood but couldn't help but throw a tantrum. He told Mingyu he and Hanni would not leave the station unless you picked them up.

You and Mingyu must pacify him. He was the emperor now. He needed his empress.

Thankfully, you had arrived without the need for force. Mingyu could finally sigh in relief as he watched you and Jungkook talk affectionately.

After Jungkook told you what he knew, he batted his eyelashes and said, "You're here now. Won't you take pity on us? Won't you come back to us again?"

'But I've never left.' You wanted to say. Maybe you left physically, but it had always been him and Hanni since day one.

Sora could rest assured now.

This time, you would never leave.

***

You, Hanni, and Jungkook returned to the place Jungkook rented for a week. Jungkook told Mingyu he would be back tomorrow to properly discuss the drug case, but for now, he needed time with his family first.

Mingyu said it was no problem at all. He was itching to go home, too. Miyeon and his kids were waiting for him.

"Mama, you won't leave again, right?" Hanni held your fingers. She was scared to sleep because what if she woke up later and you were no longer around?

"Not this time, kiddo. Sleep. We'll watch Antz when you wake up, hm?"

That earned a snort from Jungkook. You pinched his cheek and told him to stop being a jealous asshole.

He caught your hand and kissed it.

Hanni giggled when she saw you and Jungkook like this. After convincing her that you wouldn't break your promise, Hanni finally fell asleep.

It was just you and Jungkook now.

The place had two rooms. Jungkook made sure Hanni had her own space wherever they went. Thankfully, you did not shy away from sleeping with Jungkook.

This was for the better. You two needed to talk for real.

"Later." You pushed Jungkook away when he topped you and started trailing kisses all over your face and neck.

Jungkook groaned but obediently followed you. He awkwardly fixed his pants, which felt tight.

You cleared your throat and pretended not to notice the bulge in his pants. Damn it.

"We need to talk first, and no. You can't just say everything is okay. It's not. What I did to you and Hanni was shitty."

You thought Jungkook would be like an obedient dog and just nuzzle your neck. Surprisingly, he turned serious for once.

"You're right. It's shitty." Jungkook jutted his chin. "And I hated you for it. I hated how easy it was for you to leave us alone."

The grievances Jungkook felt when you left were insurmountable. It made him question if it wasn't worth it, but then he remembered what you felt all these years—how you hid everything and acted like the villain.

You never wanted to leave the first time. The circumstances forced you to do it. It was he who didn't realize what was happening.

But that's the thing. You never held it against him. He was young back then. You two were powerless. Your option was the easiest way to deal with it. You just did what you thought was for the best.

"But I'm not any better. I held you on this very high pedestal because I have loved you since the beginning. I was just too blinded by embarrassment and rage, so I failed to recognize what you meant to me."

Jungkook thought about what happened before. Sora, Taehyung, and the others never participated in the protest for Mingyu, but Jungkook never held it against them.

Jungkook recently started to wonder why. And that's when he realized that it was because he loved you.

It was a shitty excuse, though it was the only reasonable explanation why he got mad at you back then. Jungkook realized people tend to have strict and high standardsfor their loved ones.

Jungkook barely batted an eyelash when the others didn't want to protest, but when you told Jungkook the same thing, he got angry and started resenting you.

As it turned out, he resented you for no reason. His heart caved every time he remembered the truth. Mingyu's words echoed in his head it was making him feel bad.

Jungkook couldn't help but kiss you again. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too." You returned the kiss. "What I did to you and Hanni isn't excusable. I won't justify it, either. I'm just sorry I doubted your love for me."

The first time you left might not be your fault, but the second one was. Making promises meant nothing. This time, you would properly apologize and make do with your promise with action.

"Will you tell me?" Jungkook cupped your face and pecked at your lips. He couldn't help it. He was not the once bitten, twice shy type of person. You were addicting.

"Will you tell me how to love you right, babe?" Jungkook was on top of you again. He licked the seam of your lips. "How do I stop your pretty little head from doubting my love for you?"

You purred and rubbed your hips against his crotch. Jungkook was not like any other guy. He'd think of how to improve himself instead of punishing you for what you did.

He loved you so much.

"Just stay with me. Please. I'll be good now. I promise." You felt hot all over, urging Jungkook to unbutton your blouse.

He slowly undressed you as he kissed your neck down to your chest. Sweet. You smelled divine.

Jungkook embraced you while you wrapped your legs around his hips. Heat rolled to your belly. Jungkook pushed you against the headboard, and your back felt the velvet fabric tickling your naked back.

Jungkook was wearing his police uniform. He pinned both your hands to your head and locked them with his handcuff.

You gasped.

Jungkook's eyes pooled with desire when he saw you like this.

"I'll tie you like this if you dare leave me again."

It should've made you mad or embarrassed. Anything would do, but your treacherous body felt desire.

Only groans and moans and soft whimpers reverberated through the room.

'Tomorrow.' You promised yourself. 'We'll talk more tomorrow.'

***

Tomorrow came, and still, you and Jungkook hadn't talked. He got busy with work, and so did you. Mina had a breakdown on the other line, wondering where you went.

You apologized to your secretary and promised to finish your work. The week passed by with both you and Jungkook drowning with work. Hanni didn't have to worry about daycare since it was not formal schooling yet. You might have to enroll her in a formal school next year.

The topic of raising Hanni became your first priority when you went back to Busan.

You and Jungkook decided to raise Hanni in the Kang residence because traces of her departed parents were still here. You both swore not to make major changes in the house, as the decision depended on Hanni. This home belonged to her.

"I like it when we're like this." You embraced Jungkook. You two were slow dancing.

You were at a party tonight to celebrate the Lee couple's tenth wedding anniversary. Jungkook looked dashing in his black three-piece suit. Meanwhile, your boyfriend couldn't keep his eyes off you. He liked how you wore a pastel-colored dress. Jungkook couldn't get his hands off you that you arrived late at the party.

Your makeup was ruined, too. Damn this beast.

No one would have thought he was a monster in bed, though—not when he was holding you like a hatchling now.

"I like us all the time." Jungkook pressed his forehead against yours. He sighed in contentment. "Have I told you before why I got this tattoo here?"

Jungkook was referring to his bracelet tattoo. He was no longer covering it. He wore his wristwatch on his left hand.

"Not yet."

Jungkook hummed and told you the story. Back then, Captain Yoongi always made you, and the other kids do this gesture called Shinzo wo Sasageyo. It is meant to offer your heart. Yoongi never made the gesture but never failed to teach his students to practice it.

The Captain would tell you to practice the gesture during camping and training. It remained in Jungkook's heart, so when he realized his feelings for you, he thought, why not have his tattoo on his right wrist? This way, he could do the Shinzo wo Sasageyo gesture, giving him the illusion that he was offering his heart to you.

After all, the Shinzo Wo Sasageyo gesture included placing your fist against your chest.

"You found out you love me that early?" You were shocked.

Jungkook nodded, "At that time, I knew I had feelings for you, but I was too stubborn to admit it. I thought that maybe I'm just grateful to you. You gave me hope that time, you know?"

He was talking about the time he was in a depressive state after his mother fell ill. Your song touched his heart.

You bit your lips, realizing how much of an idiot you were. All the signs were already in front of you, yet you refused to see them.

Jungkook understood your expression.

"Hey," he lifted your chin. "Don't think about it anymore. I was never vocal with my feelings."

"I never told you I love you either." You kissed Jungkook's hand. "But I hope you know it now. I hope you know I love you."

"I'm not just aware of it. I feel it, too." Jungkook was so happy he could ascend to heaven right now. "And I love you too."

As it turned out, the only thing lacking in your relationship was the expression of those three words.

Jungkook wanted to hear you say you loved him. You felt the same, too.

From now on, you'd say it until the end of time.

***

As cliche as it might sound, you could proudly say time passed smoothly. You processed the legal documents until you and Jungkook were again declared Hanni's legal guardians.

Hanni was delighted. The good news happened during her fourth birthday. She felt she couldn't ask more, especially after you relented and gifted her a rabbit.

Rabbits were said to be docile animals. Unfortunately, Hanni's rabbit seemed to hate you.

The rabbit's called Daisy. It acted all sweet and cute when Jungkook and Hanni were around, but it turned hostile around you.

You expressed your grievance to your family, but they told you were overthinking it.

Until one day...

You were so busy with work that you had forgotten to feed the poor rabbit. You rushed to its hutch to feed it, but Hanni was there caressing it.

"You don't have to feed it, Mama." Hanni hugged her pet. "Mummy Sora told me she already fed Daisy."

Goosebumps pricked at your skin at that. You screamed Jungkook's name, and he attended to you at once.

"Hanni's scaring me! She said Sora fed that damn rabbit!"

"Don't be silly." Jungkook playfully pushed your shoulder before kissing it.

"It's true, Papa. I've dreamt about Mummy Sora earlier. She said she fed Daisy already."

Another wave of goosebumps attacked your skin when you saw the rabbit's food container. It was packed yesterday! Someone had already opened it!

You and Jungkook looked at each other in fear.

Hanni assured you, "Don't worry, Mama and Papa. Mummy Sora is very nice. She said she won't scare you guys."

The little girl giggled and told you to carry Daisy. "Mummy even said she talked to Daisy. Daisy will be a good girl now. She won't get angry at you."

Truth be told, the rabbit didn't snarl at you anymore. It even cooed when you touch its tiny nose.

"Yes!" You felt victorious.

Jungkook laughed at your reaction. The fear enveloping you vanished. You looked up and silently thanked your departed best friend.

Jungkook felt grateful, too. He lovingly looked at his loved ones before looking at the ceiling.

"I have a fiancée, a child, and a rabbit. What more could I ask for?"

- END -

for more JJK fics, just visit my profile. i highly appreciate likes, reblogs, specially comments 🩵 even if it's just a simple 💛

This fic is dedicated to Trixie, a.k.a, my sister and best friend.

When the Connie in this fic said, “When you know, you know.” I FELT THAT. When we started talking, I just knew we’d be close because we’re similar in many ways, except that you are better than me. Please don’t refute this statement because ‘you being better’ makes me want to become a better person, too. You are my inspiration, my peach.

Trixie, I can’t thank you enough for all the things you’ve done for me. Thank you for being my hope this 2023. This year started shitty, but it will not end with a bad taste in my mouth because of you. I love and cherish you so much. I didn’t know it was possible to love a friend this much.

Thank you for sharing your music with me. The way the narrator describes Y/N’s voice in this fic is just me gushing over your songs. May you continue pursuing your love for music. I will always support you. I don’t know how else to thank you, so just accept this fic. I keep you in mind while writing EVERY WORD in this fic—wondering if you’ll like it, so please enjoy reading.

Thanks again.

I love you so much.

With love, Your sister.

PLEASE LISTEN TO TRIXIE (Y/N) COVER OF THE SONG HERE

#jungkook fic #bts jeon jeongguk #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook x reader #jungkook roommate au #jungkook x y/n #ficswithluv #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x you

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junniieesbby · 11 months ago

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Shut Up and Continue What You Started|Choi Beomgyu

Pairing: Non Idol Beomgyu x F!reader

Genre: Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Smut, Angst, Kind of Fluff.

WC: 1.6k

Rating: 18+ MDNI

Summary: When your childhood friend turned enemy sees you dance and giggle with one his best friends. He loses it, can't stand the sight of you with someone other than him. He goes to show you just how much he missed you and how incredibly sorry he was for treating you badly.

Warning: Mentions of Alcohol, Smut, Creampie, Implied Cockwarming. Let me know if I missed anything.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Nothing mentioned in this fiction represents any of the characters.

A/N: This is a very late post for my Secret Santa. @boba-beom surpriseeee it’s me Angel (although you already knew because I’m the last one to post haha). This was so fun to do part of me is nervous because I am writing this for one of my all time favorite writers here on tumblr and I wanted this to be really good! Everyone please check out all the other beauties Secret Santa posts @amoryeonjun aka @lovejoshua , @honajoong and @flwrseon 💗 give them lots of love 🥺

Angel I hope you like this👉🏻👈🏻

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

All you wanted to do was to wipe that stupid sexy smirk off his face. He was so annoyingly handsome but he got on your nerves any chance he had. Choi Beomgyu was handsome, irritating, and drove you mad.

You had known each other since the day he was born. Your moms were best friends and they had gotten pregnant at around the same time. Your mom gave birth a day before Beomgyu’s mom did, so you two were forced to be attached at the hip.

At one point he was your best friend. Someone you always went to for comfort. It all changed when you entered high school, it was like you didn’t even know him. He no longer talked to you, he stopped coming over to your house to hang out, and he even would glare at you for no apparent reason.

Here you were at your parents annual Christmas Eve party, with a glass of Prosecco in your hand staring at Beomgyu who’s all over his next girl toy. You hated to say it but it hurt, it hurt seeing someone you liked and missed be so close to another girl. This was the reason you decided to go to university in a city that was further from home. You couldn’t stand watching him mess around with yet another girl.

You wanted to forget about Beomgyu for tonight. If he liked to go and have fun with random girls and rub it in, so could you!

Walking to the dance floor you see your perfect target. Kang Taehyun, who happens to be one of Beomgyu’s Bestfriend. You walk up to his dancing form and slide your body to him. “Hey Tyun, long time no see” you say looking up at him. “Y/N!!! It’s been so long.” Taehyun said, grabbing you by the waist and pulling you in for an embrace.

“I know it feels like forever. Can I dance with you?” you tell him rather shyly. Taehyun was very handsome, kind and smart. Although you and Beomgyu had a falling out Taehyun would always check up on you to make sure you were good. “You don’t even need to ask, love” Taehyun said while placing firm hands on your waist dancing to the rhythm of the song.

You two continued to dance and chatted about how life has been when suddenly you felt a pair of arms rip you from Taehyun’s embrace. “You come with me” Beomgyu says sternly then turns and looks at a smirking Taehyun “and you, I’ll deal with you later” and without another word Beomgyu drags the two of you to your room.

Once inside he slams the door shut and locks it. “What the fuck was that for Beomgyu” you said folding your arms. “Why were you dancing with him like that?” Beomgyu looks at you clearly mad. You have never seen him this visibly angry before. “Like what? We were just dancing. And it’s none of your business who I dance with and how I dance with them.” You did not know what his problem was but he wasn’t going to talk to you like that after years of not talking.

He turns to walk towards you and you slowly walk backwards until your back hits the door. Beomgyu is standing mere inches from you as he leans down his nose brushing yours. “Smiles…” You froze at the nickname he just called you. The nickname he gave you when you were kids because he said you always smiled at him. “You do not get to come back into my life after years of not talking calling me nicknames like nothing happened between us, Beomgyu” The moment you finished your sentence he crashed his lips onto yours. Years of pent up frustration, hurt, and desire were poured into that kiss.

Beomgyu’s hands started to wonder cupping your ass and lifting you slowly pushing you into the door deepening the kiss. You had never been kissed like this before, this kiss was full of lust and passion. You slowly pull away from the kiss confused as to why he was doing this.

“Y/n…look I know I am a shitty friend for not talking to you all these years, But the reason for that was because I liked you. I liked you so much it started driving me crazy. I thought not seeing you would make things better, but clearly not. You have no idea how long I have wanted to slam my lips against yours.” Beomgyu said, as he slowly brought his hand to your cheek.

You stared at him, shocked at his words. Part of you wanted to scream and yell at him for not talking to you about his feelings, because he had no idea how you felt, and the other part wanted you to grab his collar and smash your lips to his. You didn’t feel like arguing and that kiss had you wanting more. The latter of the options won as you grabbed his collar bringing him closer to you whispering “Shut up and continue what you started”.

Beomgyu smirked at your words as he kissed you passionately bringing you to your bed. “Fuck angel you look so sexy in this tight red dress Been wanting nothing more than to fuck you in it” He slowly starts to leave kisses on your neck going to your breast. He pulled your dress down a little so your cleavage could fall out. “I wish I could take my time with these beauties, but that's for another day. The dress stays I want to fuck your pretty cunt while you wear it.” He said pulling your panties down and tossing them to the side. He unzipped his pants and let his cock out stroking it a few times before he let it slide through your drenched folds. Your whines and whimpers were music to his ears. “Beomgyu, hurry up and fuck me stop the teasing” That earned you a slap to your cunt.

“Be patient baby, i've been wanting your pussy for years let me enjoy it” He didn’t even let you respond, he slid his cock in with ease. “Fuck baby you’re so wet and tight I could spend the rest of my days in your cunt” His dirty words caused you to clinch which earned a grunt from him. “Beomgyu, so good…so so good” That is all you could say your brain too fuzzy to comprehend anything other than the delicious cock that is sliding in and out of you.

Beomgyu’s hand came up to twist and play with your nipples as you reached down to start rubbing your folds for a faster relief. He quickly slapped your hand away. “You will cum with my cock and my cock only” He started to move faster. You needed him closer to you, you grabbed his tie and pulled him smashing your lips on him. Beomgyu’s cock twitched; he thought that was the hottest thing he'd ever seen. Your kiss became sloppier as your orgasm was approaching.

“You close angel?” He asked you, but he knew he could feel you clench around him. All you could do was nod. His thrusts continued but they became messy. He reached between the both of you as he was getting there and pinched your clit which sent you over the edge. Your legs started to shake from the stimulation. After a few more thrusts Beomgyu came. He leaned down and gave your forehead a kiss whispering “You did so well for me Angel”.

As he was getting up you pulled him by the collar again. “Stay, just stay please I need you to be as close to me as possible” You didn’t want him to leave you anytime soon. “I was just going to clean you up baby, but I will stay. I will never ever make the same mistake of leaving you again” He flipped the two of you so he was laying on his back. One hand playing with your hair and the other rubbing your back. “Merry Christmas Beomie…I am still mad at you, but i'm glad to be in your arms” You nozzle your head in the crook of his neck. “Merry Christmas my Angel, I am sorry I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. And you will only be in my arms from now on.” He grabbed your hand that was placed on his neck and gave it a kiss. You both slept soundly that day and woke up to a white Christmas.

#Beomgyu smut #beomgyu scenarios #beomgyu suggestive #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu imagines #txt beomgyu #txt smut #txt x reader #beomgyu x female reader #txt imagines #secret santa fic #taehyun #txt #smiles♡︎#boba beom 🫶🏼#angel smiles 💗

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harrypotterandthefandomaccount · 2 years ago

Text

in a new body

pairing: draco malfoy x fem!insecure!reader (enemies to friends and maybe lovers, but not stated)

request: imagine being insecure about your stomach because of draco then he gets to know you and makes you feel more comfortable in your skin? please

warnings: body-hatred, insecurity of body, body dysmorphia(?), honestly just hating one's body

notes: this one hit home, just cried to my therapist last week about this! haha! live, laugh, love!

you hated draco malfoy.

actually, hate is a strong word; you extremely disliked draco malfoy. he believed he was better than everyone else with his stupid face, his stupid slytherin family history, his stupid rich background, and his stupid cruelty towards you.

draco malfoy was stupid and you highly disliked him.

for years, you had received as much torment as harry potter from draco malfoy due to your weight, especially your stomach. you'd be the laughing stock of malfoy and the rest of his slytherin gang, no matter how many times ginny weasley and hermione granger would tell you, "don't pay that evil little cockroach any mind."

you wish you could say the same thing to the voice in your head, screaming at you to do those ab workouts, to not eat as much during the school meals. you wish you could just flip a switch, that draco would stop asking you how many pounds you put on just from breakfast alone, or if you had any trouble fitting into your skirt that morning.

"or you can just sock him in the throat," mentioned ron, mouth full of food.

"you wanna do it for me?" you asked back, an eyebrow raised. ron shook his head and went back to his plate.

hermione sighed beside you, "why not bring it up to dumbledore? or even snape? they should hear the vile things he says to you."

you shrugged, "i don't know, i don't think it's worth it, honestly. that might just make him come at me more and at the moment, i cannot handle that." you tried to laugh at the end, but it came out struggled.

ron gave a smile across from you, mouth full of food, "at least you're not harry, fighting draco constantly to see who the heir of slytherin is."

harry's face turned red, "ron, please, can we not?"

you gave a quiet laugh, "i actually appreciated that ron, thank you." harry groaned beside the redhead.

ginny was about to comment until you heard the goblin voice of draco malfoy himself directly behind you, "hey, y/n, walk any steps today to shed off some pounds? looks like you need to."

hermione glared at draco, "how dare you speak to her, or anyone, like that! you are utterly repulsive!"

draco glanced around the table, "granger, when?"

hermione shot him a look, "when what?"

draco snickered, "did i ask? but seriously y/n, give your legs a break from carrying all that!" and with that, he walked away, proud of himself as he pounded knuckles with crabbe and goyle.

ron and harry stood up, ready to lunge at draco before you gave them a look, shaking your head.

you bit your lip, "suddenly not hungry anymore. um, i think i'm gonna head up to the dorms. see you guys later?"

before anyone could disagree, you stood up from the benches and made your way out of the great hall, running into fred and george who quickly noticed your watery eyes.

"you alright there, y/n?" fred asked, and you nodded quickly, "yes, i'm fine but i have to go - study. goodbye."

the twins looked at one another, and then at your retreating form, "y/n, are you sure-" their question dropped as you continued on.

and with that, the twins were left dumbfounded until they were informed by their friends, brother, and sister.

not long after that incident, draco left you alone, making you and your friends become very suspicious, as if malfoy had a trick up his sleeve. but shockingly, he didn't, and he continued to not talk to you until potions class.

when professor snape decided partnering up different classmates was a great idea, and you two ended up together. he had wandered over to your desk, sitting beside you.

he smirked, "y/n."

you nodded, "listen, just let me do this potion so we can get a decent grade and then you can go back to torturing me, ok? unless you want your grade to suffer?"

draco stayed quiet, somewhat taken aback by your words, "i can help, you know, might as well make sure someone like you doesn't screw it up."

you looked up from the textbook, "someone like me? right, because i'm so repulsive to look at, draco. thank you for the reminder, i'll make sure to dedicate my next workout to you, you git."

with tears on the verge of falling, you grabbed your textbook and hastily walked out the room, professor snape yelling, "and two weeks worth of detention for you, miss l/n!"

you flipped him off right outside the classroom, somewhat bummed and relieved at the same time that he didn't see it.

draco was stunned, simple as that. he knew he was a jerk, a total asshole, but to him, it was pure fun. there was no harm - at least to him. but now, as he sat in potions class, noticing how all eyes were on him, he came to the realization that there was harm done.

draco never actually thought you were heavy or overweight, or even ugly; by merlin no, he thought you were so pretty. yet, he wanted to slap himself as that was no excuse to bully her until she cried - no, he knew that was the wrong way to go about it.

so then why did he do it? he hated that stupid saying that guys bullied girls because they liked them, but draco wondered if that were true in his case. or if he just didn't want to acknowledge his feelings for you.

he pondered the rest of potions class, speechless as to why he thought making fun of your weight was any excuse to talk to you. all he did was hurt you so deeply, cut wounds into your being.

draco knew he was an asshole, and knew he messed up. so how does he apologize?

apologizing was not his strong suit as he never needed to; well, at least to anyone besides his parents. why apologize to anyone else if nobody was as important as them? oh, but you were. you were so full of life and jokes, so kind to him when you all arrived as first-years, yet he has always been so cruel to you. was draco seriously this foreign to kindness that he decided the easiest way to reciprocate was to be mean?

yeah, i guess so.

draco stood up, his chair screeching against the floor. everyone looked at him and draco glanced to snape, "i've got to go." and with that, he was gone, leaving everyone with wide eyes and raised eyebrows.

hermione looked to ron, "where do you think he's going?"

ron shrugged, "beats me. maybe thinking of new insults to hurl at y/n. it's been a while."

hermione sighed and shuffled uncomfortably in her seat, "i wanna go look for her, ron."

harry heard her and shook his head, "bad idea; i think snape might lose it if one more person leaves or even raises their hand."

severus snape was indeed distraught at the behavior that was taking place in his classroom.

but he was not as taken aback as you were now in the astronomy tower.

why had it taken all up until now for you to snap? to even come back at him with something as much as anger? draco deserved to be yelled at, to be slapped, to be, as ron said, "socked in the throat."

you wiped your tears, sitting on the concrete floor as sobs racked your shoulders again. a few owls surrounded and flew around the tower as you whispered, "i hate my body. i have so much hatred for this fat, the way i look, the way i feel. i hate it." you sobbed, feeling the tears slip down your cheeks.

you let out a shaky breath, looking in your bag to grab a tissue before snot became your worst enemy. you wiped your nose, wrinkling it at the feeling before you sighed. you sniffled, tears filling your eyes again.

"i'm sorry."

you jumped, looking around for the source of the voice until you saw draco shuffle out of the darkness by the concrete wall.

you scoffed, "ugh, merlin! go away, malfoy. you're the last person i want to see right now, if you haven't caught on."

he kicked against the floor, "i deserve that."

"and i deserved your bullying, too, right?"

draco glanced to you, shaking his head even though yours had turned back around. he stepped closer, "no, no, you didn't. i'm... i'm a git, you're right."

you sniffled, looking to him as he sat beside you. you grumbled, "took you long enough."

draco huffed a laugh, "it did. and you can still hate me after this, but i truly am sorry. you didn't deserve what i said and did to you, and i can't imagine how you must feel."

silence enveloped between the both of you until he continued, "i heard what you said earlier, about your body."

your eyes had been closed, and you hummed, "not exactly a shocker."

"because of what i said? no, it's not, and i'm sorry again."

you held up a hand, looking at him, "draco."

draco looked you in the eyes, "y/n."

you gave a slight laugh, "it's okay, i forgive you."

draco nodded, "i'm sorry for making you feel so shitty about yourself. nobody deserves to feel that way, especially you, because you were nothing but kind to me and i treated you terribly."

you smiled softly at him, "you did, but you're apologizing now. my issues i can deal with on my own, but you took the time to apologize now so i'm grateful for that."

draco was stunned, a frown on his face, "how are you kind to me right now? i was terrible to you!"

you gave him side-eye, "i said terrible shit about you in my head, so i figured i should be nice."

the two of you laughed loudly at that comment, draco's eyes crinkling. as it died down, he rested a hand on the back of your head. he turned you towards him, "you're beautiful. truly stunning, y/n. i'm sorry i said those things about you."

you gave a small smile as tears welled in your eyes, "thank you draco, it's okay."

draco leaned back on his one hand, the other still in your hair, "can i help you in any way? to help you love yourself and your body?"

you were shocked to the core at his words this entire time, but now your eyes were just popping out of your head. you stumbled, "oh - no, no, i don't think so. it's just something i need to learn, y'know, to love my body. it's just...hard."

draco nodded and he smiled, "i have an idea."

your face drained of color, worried this might have been a joke all along. draco continued, "instead of insults, i'll give you compliments throughout the day. maybe that can help?"

this draco was so sweet compared to the old one; you suddenly had the urge to just grab his cheeks and go on about how sweet he was. this was such a turn of events.

"then," draco went on, "you wont want to be in a new body."

you smiled, "that sounds like a great idea, draco. thank you."

draco's cheeks flushed, "yeah, not a problem, it's whatever."

maybe during this new change in events, draco and yourself can figure out how to deal with the pounding in your chests.

651 notes · View notes

oddinary4bts · 2 years ago

Text

The Forgotten Spaces | ch 6 (jjk)

☆summary: you've been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?

☆pairing: photographer and dancer!Jungkook x dancer!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there is mature content in previous/later chapters)

☆genre: slow (SLOW) burn enemies to lovers, college!au, slice of life!au, angst (oop), smut and fluff

☆warnings: mentions of sex/hot tub scene. hickey. angst (oops), might be a curse somewhere in there?

☆word count: 5.8k

☆series masterpost here

☆a/n: I am very sorry for all the angst that is to follow. Please don't hate me and please enjoy reading still haha! Thank you to @moonleeai for her beta reading on this fic, I won't ever thank you enough, you're the best <3

☆Read What Was Hidden here, the fic that inspired this whole story, written by @daechwitatamic, one of my fav human beings on this app <3 It follows the story of Jo and Taehyung before The Forgotten Spaces

☆☆☆☆☆

For this meeting of our end of the world

It's with you that I want to sing

On the threshold of the memories the dead of today

Them that breathe for us

The forgotten spaces

Je t'écris - Gaston Miron (rough translation by me)

☆☆☆☆☆

Sunday, July 8th

Waking up next to Jungkook feels weird. You reckon it might be because you haven’t slept a lot, and people are already moving around the cottage. You’ve refused to open your eyes so far, just because you’ve heard Jiho and Hobi whispering about you and Jungkook and you feel too much of a coward to admit you probably fucked things up with him already.

You think Jiho has taken a picture. Knowing her, she definitely has, and you wish you could just disappear for a time. You eventually force yourself to get up though, before Jungkook who is still dead asleep when you move to the kitchen. You suffer through Jiho’s questioning, but she quickly notices that you’re shut off, lost in thought and maybe even dabbling in a little regret too.

From there she shuts down everyone that asks questions, and by the time Jungkook gets up, everyone is just pretending they haven’t noticed that something definitely happened between the two of you.

Jungkook doesn’t really look at you. He eats breakfast chatting with Taehyung and Jin, avoiding you like the plague. You can tell you’ve hurt him, but you don’t know how to fix it. After all, you’ve never really been acquainted with feelings yourself. Especially not after your parents’ divorce.

The day feels heavy. It’s still warm outside, far too much, and a veil of dark clouds is looming over the horizon by the time you have to leave the cottage. Your mood imitates the weather, and you find yourself brooding more than you usually do.

You haven’t been able to talk to Jungkook yet. Mostly because he’s been avoiding you, yes. But also because you don’t know what to tell him.

“Hey, I’m shit at relationships and feelings, yesterday felt too real” sounds like too much of a confession. Even though it is the truth, you’re a coward, through and through.

Jiho’s been trying to get your mind off things. Texting you random stupid things, sending you memes as Hobi drives the four of you home. Heather is riding with Chaeyeon, Lance and Bridget this time around, so there’s a space between you and Jungkook. This time, when he falls asleep, he falls asleep with his head resting against the window, and not on your shoulder.

It starts raining halfway home, and Hobi drives slower, windshield wiper going on full blast. Jiho sends you yet another meme – something absurd you can’t bring yourself to find funny. It earns you a frown from your best friend, and a second later your phone vibrates in your hand.

[1:23 pm] Jiho❣️: u’re supposed to laugh☹️ [1:23 pm] You: i want to talk to Jungkook but idk what to tell him🫠 [1:25 pm] Jiho❣️: what really happened yesterday? i wanna help but it’s hard if idk [1:26 pm] You: we made out in the hot tub then fucked when we were supposed to sleep🤡 [1:26 pm] Jiho❣️: bruh i wish i had a make-out session in the hot tub [1:27 pm] You: 🙄🙄 [1:27 pm] Jiho❣️: sorry [1:27 pm] Jiho❣️: pretty sure more than just fucking happened considering both of you are upset [1:30 pm] You: i told him we shouldn’t have fucked after and he got upset [1:31 pm] Jiho❣️: bitch he’s into u ofc he’ll be upset [1:31 pm] You: u’re not helping [1:32 pm] Jiho❣️: are u into him?

You don’t know the answer. You ask yourself that question for the rest of the day, and you reckon you really don’t know. A lot changed between you and Jungkook over the weekend, but it’s hard to ignore the fact you have never really liked him. Because he was a dick and a bully to you for years.

It’s not something you think you can just forget because you’ve had sex with him once. And you don’t even know if you’d be interested in a relationship with him anyway. You’ve never been in a relationship before at all, and the thought of it terrifies you.

The thought of Jungkook being upset with you terrifies you in equal measures, but you refuse to admit it to yourself. Maybe because you’re trying to protect yourself. It’s hard to tell. You feel like you won’t be able to go through your feelings by yourself – they’re overwhelming, all of them.

Thinking about Jungkook is overwhelming. Thinking about dancing under the stars, about his scar, about the way he held onto you after he finished. Everything is overwhelming, and it makes you anxious. Jumpy, even, as you’re sitting in your room in your mother’s empty house later at night.

You’re halfway through a Studio Ghibli movie that was supposed to help you relax when you decide to text your therapist to schedule an appointment this week. It feels like the right thing to do – you know Mary has always been able to help you sort through your thoughts, even though you haven’t seen her in months.

You don’t expect her to reply tonight considering it’s late in the evening, but you linger on your messaging app. You can’t resist but scroll down a little, down to where Jungkook’s name lies on the screen. You click on the conversation, rereading the last messages he sent you from when he was drunk a little over a week ago. It makes your heart squeeze in your chest a little, and you scroll all the way up to the first time he texted you in April. You haven’t talked much at all, so it’s not like there’s a lot, but you can’t help yourself. You reread everything, entirely ignoring the movie playing on your laptop.

When you’re done reading, you find yourself typing a text even though you don’t know what to say. It seems your fingers know, because a moment later you find yourself staring at a fully formed sentence. It looks as if it’s taunting you, and you reread it so many times the words start to lose their meaning.

[9:47 pm] You: hey, i really enjoyed the weekend with u and i’m genuinely really sorry about yesterday…

It takes you all the courage your body can conjure up to press send. You immediately turn off your phone to focus on your laptop and on the movie, though it doesn’t really work at all. The anxiety the message has brought up in you makes the story of Totoro way too hard to follow, and you’re merely watching the scenes, barely even blinking.

When the movie ends, you get ready for bed. You haven’t dared check your phone yet, but a little bit of anticipation has been steadily building inside of you. Because you hope he’ll answer. You hope you won’t have to explain why you are the way that you are for things to go back to normal with him. Maybe because offering him your vulnerability feels like too much of a commitment for someone that doesn’t do commitments at all.

You know you’ll hate yourself at your internship the next day, but you can’t really sleep after you’ve settled under the comforter in your bed. It’s way past midnight when you finally gather the courage to look at your phone, teeth worrying at your bottom lip.

Your empty notification screen stares back at you, as if to say ‘you really thought that would change anything?’

You sigh, putting your phone away on your night table before turning on your side, grabbing a pillow to hold. It’s still raining outside, and your brain focuses on the splattering of rain on the panes of the window. You think maybe Jungkook went to bed early, considering you didn’t get a lot of sleep in the last two days. Maybe he’s asleep and will reply tomorrow…

You cling onto that hope as the sound of the rain finally lulls you to a troubled sleep.

Tuesday, July 10th

Jungkook has been in a shit mood. He knows why, and it’s strange to think that it’s not his leg for once. What makes it worse is that everyone around him knows too, thanks to the hickey on his neck.

And it’s only worse when you don’t show up to dance practice. Jiho mentions something about you being stuck at your internship, but Jungkook doesn’t ask. He feels like maybe he could text you to make sure you’re okay. His heart wants him to do it, but his mind is stronger.

And his mind has been winning the war against his heart so far. He won’t cave in now. But he’s still in a shit mood when he gets home after practice. It feels even worse when he sees Taehyung and Jo cuddled up on the couch, and Jimin sprawled up on the floor.

Jimin’s texting away on his phone, and Taehyung meets Jungkook’s gaze where he stopped by the door.

“Practice is already done?” Taehyung asks.

It brings Jimin and Jo’s attention to Jungkook. He just stands there for a time, not knowing what to say.

Not wanting to admit he wrapped dance practice earlier because he was pissed that you weren’t there.

“Yeah,” Jungkook lets out flatly. He finally starts moving again, aiming straight to the kitchen.

He misses the way Jo and Taehyung exchange a concerned look when he passes in front of them, or maybe he just ignores it. He’s been ignoring Jo since the weekend, because it feels like too much pressure to admit that her plan worked and failed in the same night.

Yes, he got to sleep with you, but he’d take it back if he could. Just so it wouldn’t lead to where you’re standing now. Because he’s never replied to your text on Sunday night. Maybe because it was too early, and seeing it just pissed him off more.

Or maybe he’s just trying to preserve himself because he’s realized being with you might be a lot more complicated than previously thought.

He’s pouring cereal in a bowl when he receives a text. He fears that he’s conjured you up for a few seconds, but then he reads the name at the head of the notification. Laura. He furrows his brows, reading her text a few times over to make sure he’s read well. On his fifth reading he reckons the words won’t change even if he keeps glaring at them.

And Laura doesn’t deserve him being upset with her too. Actually, he realizes she might be just what he needs – a distraction, perhaps. Because all he wants is to forget how it felt to be with you last Saturday. And it’s not even about the sex. No, the part that’s been sticking with him is the moment between the hot tub and the sex. When he laid his heart on the table for you.

Had he known you were going to step on it a little under an hour later, Jungkook knows he would have never asked you to dance. It was a stupid request, one that made everything too real.

He can’t really blame you for getting scared. Because he knows that’s what it is. You got scared when he told you you should have slept together before, and he’s been embarrassed since then. Because he said the words in the heat of the action, and even though he meant them – means them – he’d rather not have told you.

Because now when he thinks of you he’s embarrassed, upset, and of course he’s pissed. He’s been in a shit mood after all.

He sighs, pushing his hair back before moving to the fridge to grab the milk. He pours some in the bowl, before grabbing a spoon in the drawer and making his way to the table, where he sits to eat the cereals. He’s halfway through his bowl when he finally decides to open his phone and reply to Laura.

[9:01 pm] Laura: Hey, I gotta admit… I’d like to see you sometime this week? If you’re up for it ofc [9:08 pm] Jungkook: yes ofc! i’m free tmrw evening if u want😌

He doesn’t even know if he actually wants to see her. It makes him think of when he helped her with her camera last week. Laura is sweet. Cute and shy. She’s his type, he can’t deny it. But she’s nice, and he doesn’t think she deserves him using her as a distraction.

He reckons he’s a mess. You’ve been messing with his head far too much, and he doesn’t like that you have that power over him. He doesn’t want anyone to have that power over him.

Yet it’s relieving that for once his mind isn’t clouded with dark thoughts related to the accident. Because he can’t really think about the accident when you’re there whenever he closes his eyes. When he can almost feel your warmth lingering under his fingers, along his body. When he thinks he can still smell your shampoo, and feel your soft skin.

The way that he feels disgusts him. It makes him scoff, and he’s frowning as he finishes eating his cereals. The frown only relaxes when Laura texts him again.

[9:12 pm] Laura: I’m available too! There’s a restaurant I’ve been wanting to try? Is that something you’d like to do?

The way that she texts sounds formal. It makes him laugh, and he finds himself replying,

[9:13 pm] Jungkook: wait, so then it’s a date date uh? [9:16 pm] Laura: Maybe?☺️ [9:17 pm] Jungkook: is 7 o’clock good for u?

He doesn’t really know what he’s doing. He doesn’t usually do real dates, preferring hanging out at the girl’s place or inviting her over for one of the many parties they usually host. But he needs the distraction, right?

And when he’s texting Laura, he realizes he’s not thinking about you as much. It’s relieving after the last few days, and really, maybe he should just give her a chance.

Wednesday, July 11th

Your therapist works in a building that’s surprisingly not too far from your internship. You were able to schedule an appointment for tonight, which is a relief.

You’ve been thinking about this weekend so much you haven’t been able to focus at the internship. So much so that you were stuck at the office later yesterday. You didn’t mind having to skip the dance practice though – you were glad you didn’t have to see Jungkook.

But now, it’s time for you to sort out your thoughts about the whole situation. As much as pretending that everything is fine can be fun, you also hate the way your mind wanders every night. Especially considering Jungkook never replied to your text last Sunday.

You feel like he’s slipping through your fingers. And maybe he is, and maybe all of this will be for nothing.

Well, not necessarily nothing, since it’s always good to get a grip of yourself.

You sigh, and you walk into the building right before a rain shower starts. You’re relieved you were able to avoid getting wet, and you walk to the front desk to give your name to the lady. She puts you in the computer and then tells you to sit in the waiting room. You thank her, and you’ve barely had time to sit when Mary comes to get you.

Mary’s office hasn’t changed one bit since the last time you sought her help in February. You sit on the same couch, and she offers you a glass of water as she greets you. And then she asks what brings you there.

At that you still. You freeze, like a deer in headlights, because for a moment you’re terrified of having to say the words aloud. Terrified to admit you felt something last Saturday, and you think you’ve already screwed it all up. She listens to you intently, and you watch her scribble on her pad as you do so. You’re tempted to read what she’s written; you’ve always wondered what it is that therapists write on that notebook of theirs.

Is she piecing out your soul the way that you feel like she is?

You tell her everything. You tell her about how Jungkook came back into your life, differently this time. You tell her about the dance practices, and about your internship too. You tell her about last weekend, and you reveal every little dirty thought your brain dared to think. Mary doesn’t judge, and when you’re done, the only thing she says is, “You’re really good at psycho-analyzing yourself”.

You reckon she’s right. Because you know exactly why you acted the way that you did – with the example your parents gave you of love growing up, it’s hard to actually love. It’s even harder to deconstruct it, to deconstruct the fear until you can build yourself back into someone that can love.

It’s not that you think you can’t. You love Jiho, Jisung and their family plenty. But it’s different when it’s love with a big L. It’s always been, and you’ve never once really wanted to change it.

But now you do. You’ve been using your fears to protect yourself from others for far too long.

Mary makes a plan with you. Nothing too big, but she does suggest scheduling another appointment next week. Because you knowing what you need to do is half of the work, yes, but you still need to put it into practice. You agree with her, and you leave her office feeling lighter than you’ve felt in days.

The plan is for you to ask Jungkook if you can talk. You have the option to wait until tomorrow at dance practice, or to text him tonight, just so he knows in advance that you want to talk to him. Mary favoured the latter, saying that it’d give him time to prepare if he has things to tell you too.

You have no idea if he does, but the moment on Saturday felt heavy. You doubt there’s been nothing on his mind since then… because you were there. You know how it felt like, under the stars and after that. And the whole weekend, if you’re honest to yourself. You doubt he was immune to it.

You decide to wait a little before you text him. Just to make sure you really are going to do this. Because it feels like you’re standing at the top of a cliff, and you’ve never been a cliff diver. No, you’re far too afraid of heights. But the fact that you haven’t been able to get Jungkook off your mind tells you enough: you’d jump off the highest cliff for him.

Because if you don’t risk it, what is there to win?

So it’s later that night, when you’re rewatching your favourite anime, that you find yourself pausing the show. You go to your messaging app, and heart beating out of your chest you type a message. Something simple, something straight to the point. Because the fact he ignored your last message says enough: Jungkook won’t cave in for apologies, especially not over text.

You settle on,

[9:31 pm] You: hey jk! can we talk tmrw after practice?😌

You press send before you can convince yourself that this is not a good idea, and anxiety blooms in every inch of you. It’s a foreign feeling: you’ve never been so anxious when it came to someone else before in your life.

Watching your favourite anime after that has never been so hard.

Thursday, July 12th

You don’t want to go to practice. Everything feels like it’s going too fast and too slow at the same time: waiting for Jungkook to reply is excruciatingly long, and having to head to the dance studio is coming far too quickly.

Jungkook hasn’t replied. You texted Mary about it – she said to see in person if Jungkook wants to talk, but to also respect it if he doesn’t. It makes you far less hopeful than you were when you got out of her office yesterday, but you know she is right.

If this is his way of setting a boundary, you will have to respect. No matter how much it upsets you.

So it’s in an anxious state of mind that you make your way to the studio. You run into Jiho on the way, and you’re worrying at your bottom lip when she asks, “What’s wrong?”

Your steps falter a little, and you throw her a side glance. “Uh?”

“What’s wrong with you?” she asks.

She knows that you used to see a therapist. But telling her that you saw Mary again about Jungkook feels like too big of a confession. It gives him too much power, and you’re not sure you’re ready for that. But you can tell some parts of the truth, can you?

“I’m going to try and talk to Jungkook tonight.”

Jiho remains suspiciously silent for a time. “Are you sure you want to talk to him?”

“I guess,” you say, shrugging your shoulders. “I just feel bad about this weekend.” Jiho offers you a sad smile, as your eyes fall to the concrete in front of you. “It’s just like, I don’t know, I liked where last weekend was going and I don’t want it to go back to the way things were before.” You pause, already feeling a little lighter now that you’ve started talking to your best friend. “Like I know I got scared and all, but he’s actually pretty decent?”

Now, Jiho’s smile has turned knowing, and she nudges you with her elbow. “I think I saw that coming from miles away but I didn’t want you to kill me.”

“Uh?” you let out, feeling a little confused.

“Everyone always thought you two were into each other,” she admits, and she laughs loudly when you push her. “Exactly why I didn’t want to tell you,” she says when her laughter subsides as you offer her a fake glare, lips jutting out in a small pout.

“I mean, I don’t even know if that’s where things are going,” you say. Your fear returns, and you’re back to nibbling on your lower lip. “Like, maybe I just fucked up too bad?”

“Did you talk since then?” Jiho asks.

You refuse to look at her when you reply. “No. He ignored my texts.”

From the corner of your eyes you see Jiho wince. Because she knows just as well as you what it probably means, and you don’t want to hear her say it.

“What did you tell him?”

You shrug your shoulders, trying to act as indifferent as possible. “Sunday I said that I was sorry, and I asked him if we could talk after dance practice yesterday.”

“And he said nothing?”

It’s rhetorical, so you remain silent. You’re reaching the bridge, and you know the conversation will soon come to an obligated end anyway.

“Babe…” Jiho lets out carefully. “Maybe you shouldn’t talk to him.”

It makes you scoff. “I’ll be chill, don’t worry.”

“I’m not saying you won’t be,” Jiho says. She grabs your arm to make you stop. “Maybe he just doesn’t want to talk.”

You free your arm from her grip, though she was already letting you go. “I’ll ask. We’ll see. I just want to clear the air.”

Jiho holds your defiant gaze for a while, before nodding once. “Alright. Sounds good. You let me know what he says.” She pauses for a few seconds, before adding, “And we’re still on for Thirsty Thursdays after that.”

Of course you are, and of course you’ll tell her. She’s your best friend after all, and you don’t remember a time when you really hid anything from her.

It doesn’t stop your heart from aching in your chest as you near the studio.

*****

Dance practice feels weird. You can’t help your eyes from diverting to Jungkook where he’s standing, next to the mirrors. He’s good at pretending he doesn’t feel your gaze on him, yet more than once you catch him already looking.

He looks good. He’s in paler clothes than his usual today – light blue jeans with an oversized white t-shirt – and his hair is ruffled by the way he keeps running his hands through it. He looks like he doesn’t care, almost. Because you can tell he’s anxious about something whenever you catch him pulling at his piercing, eyebrows slightly furrowed over his eyes.

You don’t know when you started being able to read him so well, but you surely can now.

He calls dance practice off earlier than his usual, and he still hasn’t really looked at you. You’re pretty sure everyone has noticed by now, especially considering the fact Jiho hasn’t really been subtle about it. She’s glaring at Jungkook most of the time, and he just shrugs his shoulders to her.

It’s weird. Something is off, but if you’re going to do this, you’ll do it, right?

It’s in that anxious state of mind that you approach him as everyone filters out. His hands are buried in his pockets and he’s leaning against the mirror. It’s like he’s waiting for you, and you figure maybe he did read your message after all.

The first few seconds of standing in front of him are far more awkward than anything you’ve ever experienced in your entire life. You don’t know what to say, don’t know where to start, and Jungkook’s head is hanging too low for you to be able to catch his gaze without invading his personal space. So you stay rooted in your spot, and you wait for him to look at you. It takes a while, but he eventually looks up.

You’re taken aback by the bitter annoyance his features hold. “What?”

You’ve written in your notes app what you wanted to say. You’ve even practiced it, but now you don’t remember a single word.

His eyes are sad. It’s the only thing that feels different on his features. The rest is all annoyed: his eyebrows are furrowed, the corners of his lips are pointing downwards. His shoulders are low, defeated, and he seems to realize it because he straightens and folds his arms on his chest.

“Uh,” you choke out against the anxiety that’s building up inside of you. “I just…”

“If you want to apologize again, I received your message last Sunday.”

You brush a strand of your hair behind your ear, before folding your arms on your chest too. “Why did you ignore me?”

He shrugs, shaking his head a little as he looks away. “I have nothing to tell you.”

“Jungkook, can you please not? We’re adults.”

“Yeah, and I’m choosing to not be talking with you. I’m sure you can respect that?”

You can. You definitely can. But at the same time you can’t. Not when he says it like that, like it’s some sort of an insult.

“Why are you overreacting like that?”

“Because I’m fucking embarrassed about last weekend!” he bursts. “I wish it never happened.”

It hurts. It stings and burns, and you hold your arms tighter against you. “You’re embarrassed? Is that why you said you wished we did it earlier?”

His gaze turns vicious, like he’s a viper waiting to strike. “See, that’s exactly why I do not want to talk to you. I don’t think we can be friends either. We’ve never been friends, like you oh so kindly reminded me, and that won’t change.”

You close your eyes, taking a deep breath to relax, because this is not where you want this conversation to be going. “Listen,” you say after a few seconds of silence, “I really don’t want to be fighting with you. I just want to clear the air.”

“The air is cleared,” he says as you open your eyes to meet his fiery gaze again. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to do.”

You’re struck then. You feel like you either have the choice to confess or to stick to your anger. And you try to confess, you really do. It’s not like with Jiho – Jungkook was part of the moment Saturday, he was there with you under the stars. So it shouldn’t be too hard to tell him, to say you got scared.

You open your mouth to say the words, and shut it immediately as he scoffs.

“See, I don’t even think we should be speaking at all,” he says. There’s a fraction of a second when you’re convinced you can read pain in his gaze before he continues, “I’m actually seeing Laura, and I don’t want to fuck that up.”

Every word you’ve ever known vanishes from your mind. You just stand there for a moment, mouth hanging open, ears ringing as you look at him. You feel like you’re falling, or maybe you’re getting crushed. It’s hard to tell. It’s equally as hard to breathe, and your lungs burn as oxygen fills them.

“What?”

“I went on a date with Laura and I actually like the girl, I don’t want to fuck things up by talking to you,” he says, slowly, as if he needs to hammer every word into your head.

Laura? The girl from his class?

“Isn’t that the girl you told me you don’t care about?”

Your voice is somehow flat. Empty of the emotions it held just a few seconds ago.

“I went on a date with her and I like her,” he repeats as if you’re stupid and didn’t understand the first time around. As if your heart is not breaking in your chest, infinitely so.

You didn’t know how big your heart is until this moment, when every beat just breaks a little more, and all you can think to do is hold yourself tighter. As if it’ll stop the breaking.

“When?”

“Why do you want to know?” he asks, and his eyes fall shut as he pinches the bridge of his nose. You really do feel stupid then, stupid and foolish and everything in between. Like you’re a five-years-old that keeps messing her right from her left.

“I… how the fuck did you go on a date with her already, it’s been four days?”

“A lot can change in four days, Y/n,” he drawls.

You think your nails might be digging in your palms from how hard you’re clenching your fists. “Wow.”

The studio falls silent. It’s heavy, and maybe the silence is what’s been crushing you. Because you were expecting it – the moment you and Jungkook wouldn’t have anything else to tell each other. Because for everything you were willing to confess, now there’s just an empty spot inside of you.

You hold his gaze. He doesn’t look all that infuriated anymore. Defeated, yes, and maybe a little deflated. He looks like he didn’t expect the conversation to go there.

But you were right. Turns out you were right and you are too late. You can’t help but hate him for it.

“You don’t waste your time, do you?” you ask, and you scoff bitterly. “You fuck one girl and then another in just a few days. Suits you well.”

He rolls his eyes. “As I said, I wish we didn’t sleep together. If I could take last weekend back I would.” He shrugs then, shaking his head a little. “I’m sure you understand.”

You purse your lips, trying to keep them from trembling as you feel a lump form in your throat. “I can’t believe you’re already fucking some other girl.”

“Okay, Y/n, as if that’s going to change anything.”

You nod, and you find yourself fleeing his gaze. Because you don’t want him to see how you’re breaking inside. How every piece of you turns inside out, until you’re bleeding out standing there in front of him.

“Just…”

You think about the stars. You think about the way he led you in that dance, the way his eyes shone as he looked at you.

Jungkook is cataclysmic. He really is. And cataclysms are rarely good, are they? They can create, yes, the way the universe was once created, but they destroy. They destroy and destroy until nothing remains, until you just feel like you’re drowning and burning all at once.

“Save your breath,” he says. You think his gaze is shining again, and you don’t think it’s shining for the same reason that it was under the stars. “And I mean that in the most respectful way.”

“Right. As if that would ever sound respectful.”

He rolls his eyes again. “Yeah, whatever. I’m done here.”

It occurs to you that you’re about to watch someone you care about walk out of your life again. You want to reach out and hold him, to tell him how you feel, to say how everything has started to hurt, but you can’t. You can just look at him, hold his gaze until he makes the decision to go.

He’s gone before you’ve truly assimilated just how bad everything went. Just how far south things went, and how fiercely everything burns. And you stand there for a long time, holding yourself, waiting for the heartbreak to stop. But the thing with heartbreak is that it never fully stops, does it? You just learn to deal with it better.

It’s weird. You never thought you could be cold and burning at the same time. But if this is hell, then hell has frozen over because you’re shivering, just holding yourself.

You feel like you’re sixteen again, like you watched your dad walk out of your life again. Maybe because Jungkook really was the cataclysm to you, and now you’re stuck with the aftermath.

But you don’t cry. No, you hold the tears in. Force them to dry without having rolled on your cheeks, convince them that you don’t care. It’s something you’re good at. Pretending. Because maybe you’ve been pretending you hate Jungkook for a lot longer than you thought. Maybe that’s the reason why it hurts so bad.

But you won’t cry, no. You won’t cry for Jeon Jungkook.

You get home later that night, after having walked through a daze for the whole evening. You’re drunk, and you’re still aching from the inside out. Your phone is in your hand, and you’ve been on Jungkook’s conversation for so long without blinking that your eyes have fully gone dry.

You watch the text you’ve just sent, the only proof that you ever cared about Jungkook.

[2:31 am] You: i reall y wish things ddn’t go so bad

It takes you three days to realize it never delivered.

Friday, July 20th

It takes Jungkook a little under two weeks to officialise things with Laura. It’s moving quickly, he’s aware of it, but he’s been trying to ignore the way he saw your heart break in your eyes. It seems the best way to do it is to watch feelings swell in someone else’s gaze, and so he asks Laura to be his girlfriend after their third date.

She says yes, beaming like she’s the sun personified.

Still, when Jungkook closes his eyes at night, all he sees is your heart breaking in your eyes.

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yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh.. my bad. I really went far with this angst uh? What do we think? What's going to happen next?

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