#endless endgame bashing

[crazyaboutto]

diving into old posts for something else and found this

They truly cut my girl out so much and also these two would have been so good together

#gym therapy

[agentnico]

Agatha All Along - season 1 (2024) review

Down down, down the road, down the Witches Road…

Plot: A spell-bound Agatha Harkness regains freedom thanks to a teen's help. Intrigued by his plea, she embarks on the Witches' Road trials to reclaim her powers and discover the teen's motivations.

I’m not going to waffle about my complaints with the current state of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I’ve already rambled on a substantial amount in my previous reviews regarding this subject matter, so let’s leave it at the fact that my opinion and thoughts have not changed. That being said, WandaVision was one of the few enjoyable projects in the post-Endgame MCU era, as it had that original and unique flavour with messing with different television formats, and additionally was interesting in how that show explored the effects of trauma and grief. Naturally due to its success, Disney being Disney and Marvel being Marvel meant a sequel or a spin-off was inevitable. In this case it’s Agatha Harkness, who was played with a lot of funky energy by Kathryn Hahn in WandaVision. As enjoyable as she was, I never considered her to need her own show. I guess really anyone can get their own Disney+ series these days!

Kathryn Hahn is the primary reason to watch Agatha All Along. She’s as enjoyable as ever, cackling and wincing her way through each episode, and it was entertaining to constantly question her moral code, if she’s a villain or if she was turning to the good side. Hahn is great, and I am so glad she’s getting the recognition snd good roles now. As for other cast members, they are okay. Joe Locke as the teen came off a little pretentious, and Patti LuPone was the only witch I actually cared about. Aubrey Plaza as the mysterious Rio ends up being exactly what you expect her to be, and though Plaza nails the sarcasm, it’s nothing you haven’t seen her do before.

In regard to the series’ style, it’s really campy. The trailers in my opinion promised more horror aspects which were not present in the final product, but my main complaint is with the show’s look. It feels cheap. From the costumes to the sets, the whole thing is reminiscent of a CW or SyFy show, and you can tell Disney is probably tightening their budgets following the backlash of recent releases. But with something like Marvel you still expect to see something of visually interesting style, especially as they are sourcing a lot of narratives from comics and graphic novels, which one would assume would inspire more colourful and memorable set pieces. Unfortunately this show doesn’t offer any of that. The best you get is some rip-off witch costumes from other Disney projects, which I felt was more so for Disney to show-off how much Hollywood they own.

As for the narrative, for the most part this show is dull. It’s a very repetitive concept where in every episode our witches take on yet another trial, and though some trials do stand out more than others (episode 7 where a character time-jumps using tarot cards was particularly memorable) as a combined package it meant that catching up every week with a new episode was at times a chore. The other infuriating factor was the endless foreshadowing. This show consistently would bash you over the head with clues of what’s to come, but the clues were so predictable that when the reveals finally did pay-off they were not surprising even remotely. Reminded me a little of that Walk Hard segment where the kid says “ain’t nothing bad gonna happen today” only for him to get spliced in two 5 minutes later.

Superhero fatigue is real everyone! It’s happening! I’m kidding of course, I’m still holding out hope that Marvel and DC will get back to their former glory, but evidently there is still a long ways to go. Agatha All Along didn’t do it for me, however I do admit that Witches Road song is a banger and has been stuck in my head ever since!

Overall score: 4/10

[helluvapurf]

Out of curiosity, what are your Top 10 Fave HB ships overall?❤️‍🔥

My "overall" top 10 faves? ...Hmmmmm-

Honestly a lil tricky 'cause alot of my main HB ships rn aren't exactly "canon" (save for like, one or two lol), and I do like to multi-ship alot as well depending on my mood. Sooo if I had to name just the top ships currently in my head rn (even if its not a full 10 list), here ya go!

Fizz x Ozzie Beautifully lustful bfs not afraid to be doofuses together whilst always lifting the other up when they're down... honestly, what more can one ask for in a Hell-ranked power couple?~ 💞🔥 If they ever made a spin-off for Fizzarolli, I’d SO be down for that if it means more Fizzmodeus duets~ 😍

Blitz x Fizz -Biiiit of a controversial one I know, since ofc Fizzarolli is in a relationship rn/Blitz having his own issues wouldn't spell too much success for a romance atm... but like, ughhh I can't help it they're SO good, man T-T 💕 Like, two torn-apart childhood friends who grow up into a petty rivalry, sassing eachother out whilst learning to work together in danger, hashing out their feelings enough to forgive (whilst taking it slow friendship-wise) BUT also having Blitz stand his ground to protect Fizz at the Mammon event?

...Honestly, if it weren't for Fizzmodeus (+Stol*itz) existing, these two would THE perfect endgame, fr~ 👏👏

Loona x Bee "Peppy x Moody" aesthetics are always a huge soft spot for me in ships, so I couldn't help getting drawn to these gals maybe being more than just "pals" lol ;p

Esp with the potential of Bee not being afraid to call out Loona on her crap (unlike most others who deal with her lol), Loona lowkey finding Bee attractive & super cool (despite still being a lil jealous over her Tex crush), and knowing how intuitive Bee is as a whole... I feel like she'd be the best influence to soften up Loona to get her to express herself & have fun~💖

Bee x Tex Prob my fave (canon) hetero pair atm, I think these two are pretty lovely on their own accord too~ :3 Surprisingly subtle with their affections compared to other couples... but you can still tell how much they fit well given their laidback natures, abilities to "read" people (like Blitz when he got too drunk), and just overall care for eachother in that bit after Bee shrank down to size. Really curious of how they got together ngl (esp given how Hellhounds are pretty low in the hierarchy system as-is), I think it'd be pretty fun to read about~ 🥰

Blitz x Striker Ahhh yes, def a classic in terms of the alternate Blitz ships out there (though I guess not as popular these days, given Striker's current writing .w.; ). From how much they oozed chemistry from their first meeting, Blitz's respect for Striker's skill almost giving them good coworker potential, their similar insecurities/frustrations with Hell's hierarchy system (even with Striker going a more "corrupt" route with it in later appearances... the fact that even he declares that Blitz deserved "better" than how Stolas' treats of him speaks volumes ngl-). Like, there's SO much potential imho; whether its a slowburn-redemption pair, an "flirting-on-opposing sides" pair, a "come to the dark side- we have cookies~" pair... the possibilities are endless~ 👀❤️

Blitz x Mrs. Mayberry

-Ok, now this one's proooobably the least popular overall of the Blitz ships out there... but idk, just thought it'd be a cute idea the more I thought about it lol .3.

Blitz may be a goofy lil jerk, but he's clearly a devoted family man at heart whenever you see him with his loved ones (Loona, Fizz, occasionally M&M, etc.). And with Mayberry having that strong desire for a family (despite how she was cheated/unfairly-bashed on after her death), I feel like she'd lowkey be a sweet influence to balance Blitz's chaotic nature (whilst he'd be able to make her laugh/bring "excitement" to her current life in Hell). Idk, just something light & cute like that, yknow? :3 💜

[redspiderling]

Isn’t it awesome how the Red Guardian is? I mean, even just from the trailer, this man has a beer belly and an unkempt beard, and nobody bats an eye at him taking on Taskmaster.

His body is not something to be commented on. Nobody lingers on it, it just is. He even puts his suit on, from the old days when he was young and he says “still fits!”. We may laugh because he’s so giddy about it, but it only reinforces the fact that yes, he’s got a beer belly, still a super soldier though, even the suit fits.

Compare this to poor Thor in Endgame where his beer belly was a joke, and was visualised as a joke for the entire film, even though his body was the direct result of his grief and depression, not something he was comfortable with (unlike Alexei who doesn’t give a fuck!).

[vormirjumper]

Me at the Cinema when Natasha died , Tony died , Steve went back to Peggy and Natasha didn’t get a funeral

[realityhelixcreates]

Lasabrjotr Chapter 63: Land of Enchantment

Chapters: 63/? Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Mature Warnings: none Relationships: Loki x Reader (There We Go) Characters: Loki (Marvel), Heimdall(Marvel), Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending (Canon-Divergent), What Beautiful Music They Make, Even When Diner Food Is Bad It’s Still Pretty Good, Not Very Healthy Though, Get Thee To A Waffle House

Summary:   Loki visits Townsvill, USA

Loki had to admit a grudging respect for the human invention known as the internet. Such lawlessness. Such chaos. Such memes! And the fact that anything, anything at all, could be found there. Including information on the-to Loki's surprise-thousands of species of cicadas. It was one of the great mysteries of Midgard; this grand proliferation of living things. When just one version of something would have been fine, there somehow had to be dozens to thousands of kinds of that thing. Especially among the insect world. Why so many beetles? Why?

In your vast Iowa, there seemed to be almost twenty species, though, aside from size and color, there didn't seem to be much difference between them. They were all shaped like fat teardrops, with lacy, gossamer wings covering, but not hiding, their chubby, pointed abdomens. He did learn some interesting insect facts-there were some that only appeared every decade or so, some even went a full seventeen years without showing up, but when they did...

The word 'swarm' seemed to put it lightly.

Horrifying.

He learned about the singing frogs, and their whimsical names; the Bullfrog, the Chorus Frog, the Spring Peeper.

He researched the crickets, locusts, and grasshoppers.

He found recordings of all of these and more-coyotes, owls, the soft squeaking of bats. The loud, crepuscular Swifts, the equally loud, nocturnal Whip-Poor-Will, a well camouflaged bird named after its signature cry.

He could do something with all of this.

In the times in between doing his princely duties, he had things prepared. Some silk needed to be woven, some wooden frameworks made. It would take a little bit of time, but everyone worked faster when it was at the prince's request.

Once he had the blank 'canvas' on its series of wooden 'frames' he sent it to his favorite painters, with an image he wished for them to reproduce.

All the while he waited, he also dove into the study of your homeland.

Midgard was so very large, and he had spent so little time actually being there, and learning his surroundings. The sizes of countries baffled him sometimes. The United States was one of those countries that seemed to contradict its own existence. While not the largest of countries, it was still so large that its central government could not govern its entirety. Instead, it was broken up into 'states'; great chunks of land, many being so large as to be countries all their own. Each of these states governed themselves, reporting back to the central government. It was an odd arrangement, that struck Loki as woefully inefficient and ripe for rebellion.

In fact, his studies taught him that several such rebellions had occurred in the past, and had the possibility of rising again in the future.

He tried to listen to some of the music common to your nation-sized state, but could not stand it for more than a few songs. Modern Midgardian music was mostly terrible, in his opinion, lacking in melodiousness and refinement. The lyrics tended to be simplistic at best, examples of beginner's poetry.

He found some grudging enjoyment in the unusual instrumental achievements of what the radio stations called ���Eighties Hits”, whatever that meant, but he would not be admitting that anytime soon.

The pictures and recordings didn't seem like enough. The music wasn't enough.

He needed to be there.

Loki could not take you to Old Asgard exactly, but he could make illusions to immerse you in the world in which he grew up. But you couldn't do that, you couldn't bring your homeland to him. If he was to understand you better, he would have to go there himself. Surround himself in your land, eat the food, breathe in the air.

And so he began planning a little vacation.

Or was it an espionage mission? No one other than Heimdall could know he was there: He was still very much a persona non grata in the United States. He could not take you with him. He would have to go in disguise. He would have to go at night, while you slept, so that you would not suffer for his distance from you.

Maybe someday he would be allowed back; to take you back to see all your friends and neighbors. Until then, he would just have to bring some of it back to you.

One evening, he kissed your forehead gently, telling you that he had an errand to run, and might not be back until morning. You were tired; it was clear to him. You didn't even question what he would be doing.

As he left the city limits, he let his outline shimmer and fade away, replacing himself with features that would be less likely to draw suspicion. Soon there was nothing but a grizzled old man in worn jeans and a stretched out black tee shirt. Boring. Ordinary. Unremarkable.

All the things he was sure he was not.

Heimdall met him with a sarcastic stare.

“What have we here?” He said in a flat voice. “A lost, Midgardian peasant? I suppose I shall have to send you home.”

In a time past, Loki might have felt bashful, but that was before he had realized that the gatekeeper had a sense of humor drier than the center of a star. Now he only felt grateful about how willing Heimdall was to break the rules.

“I wish to learn some things.” Loki said. “It's for the good of my subjects.”

“Plural?” Heimdall questioned. Loki pursed his lips and looked away. Heimdall twisted the sword.

The light gathered Loki up, and flung him across the sea.

                                                                          *****

The fields were vast in the dying light, stretching so far on every side, that it was impossible to see their end. The only break in the tall rows was the equally endless road Loki walked. He could smell the green plants as the sun disappeared beneath the corn, and the dust, and the mud in the roadside ditches.

Heat distorted the distance, assaulting his senses, but not as much as the noise.

Everywhere, every cubic inch of the world was the sawing scream of cicadas. It filled his skull, filled his bones, inescapable and omnipresent. How did you sleep in this? How could anyone sleep here?

But as he walked, as the day faded and the night awoke, Loki began to hear the song. The insects cries had a rhythm that rose and fell in rounds, constantly changing as a frog in a ditch puddle sang along, as crickets among the corn roots added their harmonies. The interruptions as something, perhaps himself, disturbed the nearest singers, causing them to fall silent, and change the melody entirely.

The whole world around him was alive, and reveling.

A dome of light on the horizon indicated your town. He would be there soon, an hour's walk at most.

The closer he got, the less he could see the emerging stars, a problem even the smallest of Midgardian settlements seemed to have. There were more vehicles too, several of them stopping to ask if he needed help. These he waved away with a friendly declaration that he was just out for a nice evening walk.

Eventually, there came a break in the cornfields, a wide verge between farmland and civilization. A sea of grass and barely visible wildflowers, closed up against the darkening night. He leaped over the ditch and strode a few feet into it, focusing on the last vestiges of wildflower scent, of the insects that rose into the air, the evening choir all around him.

The flashlight shining in his face, the stern questioning of an officer. The warning to move along. He wasn't even bothering anybody, and still, he was somehow in trouble.

The officer also offered him a ride, but Loki didn't trust it. A ride to the local prison maybe. The fellow was a bit too canny; he didn't seem to believe a thing Loki said.

He finally passed a city limit sign, that boasted of its two thousand residents. Smaller, even than Asgard, yet you'd spent your whole life here. Hemmed in by cornfields, like great, green walls. Lulled by the song of nature. Sick, and starving, and scared, without him.

And for a year of it, nearly alone, surrounded by dead fields, like even greater walls, no word from the outside world. Isolated, endangered, without even a single member of your family to draw comfort from. All because of Thanos. Just like Thor had been, in the aftermath. Just like he had been, after he fell.

But never again. None of you had to be alone now.

For a town, the place was surprisingly empty. There were large spaces between buildings, overgrown lawns and poorly manicured houses. There were churches; though in this country, there seemed to be churches on every corner. There was the grocery store he had taken you from. The memory had grown soft and treasured in his mind. The way you had fallen so dramatically in front of him, like a swooning maiden faced with raw power. The way life had flowed back into your limbs when he touched you, the way strength seized your soul, and you had so adorably tried to break his nose.

All he had felt then was your warmth. The blow might have felled a human man, but he was so much more. And he had since proven that to you. Mostly.

You still weren't ready for further steps into this relationship. That was okay. You had a busy life now, lots to think about. Your days were full of so much more than just deciding what icing to put on the cupcakes.

Speaking of...

Loki wandered the isles of the grocery store, imagining that you had done the same. Day in, day out, up and down these cramped, harshly lit shelves, until it was memorized. He stood outside the bakery section-closed by this time of night-knowing that you had spent years in that very spot. How the work of your hands had been appreciated by everyone who had bought any of the wide variety of baked goods on display, but had never been attributed to you. Every worker in this place wore the same uniform, the same hat, the same color. They were forced into facelessness.

You had worn that same uniform when he first found you. You'd lost your hat in the mire outside New Asgard, and he'd had the ugly, ill-fitted uniform thrown out. Only the apron remained, decorated, bettered, made more worthy of you and what you were becoming.

Loki adored the style of clothing you wore now; a mix of traditional Midgardian forms and Asgardian details-as unique in its position as you were. And you had taken to it so naturally! It would be nice to see you in some purely Asgardian pieces though. Specifically, Asgardian lingerie...

Loki tore his wandering mind away from that alluring subject, lingering instead on the array of presumably delicious baked goods before him. There were confetti cupcakes with galaxy-colored icing, covered in glitter, labeled 'Sayd-cupkakes', and a little photoshopped picture of you with rainbows and sparkles fountaining from your hands. He was sorely tempted to filch it, but he had already stolen something from this place.

On a table next to the cupcakes, there were green iced croissants, slightly unfurled before baking, in order to make them look less like a swirl, and more like bulls horns. These were labeled 'Lossants', and Loki struggled with amusement at the awful puns, and awareness about how inappropriate this probably was, considering all he had done. This would never have gone over in New York. The store would have been shut down immediately.

But your old workplace honored you. And seemed to at least acknowledge the reality of himself. If this tiny town could do that, perhaps there was hope yet.

Loki headed down the street, where it seemed a majority of the local eateries were located, and chose the most rustic looking. This would be the place where the local poor would eat, when they could afford to.

The décor was odd to him-it seemed there was little thematic cohesion, with everything from old signs, to movie posters, to farm animals made of wood or tin affixed to the walls. The false leather of the booth seating was red and cracked, and the yellowish lighting threw a grungy pall over everything.

Even in the guise of a rough old man, Loki managed to charm the waitress, ordering a combo plate of breakfast foods, which he was pleased to find were served all day. These were delicious, but he could see how they would be unhealthy for a human, who burned calories at a slower rate than Asgardians did. But Loki knew that peasants of both species needed hearty fare, to do the work that they did.

Personally, Loki found these 'waffles' to be delightful in taste and texture. Did you like these? Had you sat in this seat, smiled at this waitress, eaten waffles off these plates? Did you like this sublime sweetness known as maple syrup?

Or did you eschew these things in favor of the protein? These heavy scrambled eggs, the crunchy bacon, the sausage that was uncomfortably greasy. Asgardian food had been refined over millennia to provide for the needs of mighty warriors: it would be much healthier for you than this.

But maybe he could have some greasy sausage brought for you sometimes. He knew how you loved strong flavors.

He could feed you little tidbits. You could lick his fingers.

Again, Loki had to drag his thoughts away from such subjects, and concentrate on satisfying his other hungers. He had to pay with Icelandic money, bespelled to look like American dollars, but he would likely not be back this way again, so it wouldn't matter when the spell wore off.

Besides, they could just exchange it, couldn't they? It was the correct amount.

He wandered out into the night, allowing himself to get lost in the streets of your town. It was mostly quiet, but the sounds of music and television sets could be heard inside the houses, and cars ran back and forth infrequently on the hot streets. There was smoke in the air, the sounds of gatherings in backyards, and even here, the cry of cicadas.  Loki located your 'High School', and what must have also been your 'Middle School', and 'Elementary School', though he still didn't understand the distinction. But there was only one of each in this little town, so you must have attended at least one. Perhaps you had been selected for the 'High school' due to your intellectual acuity? But then why were you still a peasant among humans?

You were exalted in Asgard now, paramour to a prince. He wanted to believe that it didn't matter, but it was your upbringing. It was what had shaped your personality, and informed your outlook on life. This town, with its run down buildings and overgrown lots, fenced in by walls of corn, it had created you. This was your true maker; it moulded you, and was still a part of you, like the Shining Realm would always be a part of him, no matter what was going by the name of Asgard now.

Loki was not so sure that he really liked this place. For being so flat and open, it still felt hemmed in and constricting. But he liked you, so he liked something of this place.

He walked all the way to the other side of town, and out towards the corn. There was a verge here as well; grass and wild plants between the town and fields, and he lay down there, watching the stars go by.

He must gave dozed off, because next he knew, he was waking to a different song. Birds made up the chorus this time, and he sat up to the rising scent of clover, their little pink and white flowers heated by the light of the morning sun. They mingled with the honeysuckle vine winding along the fence behind him, and-yes those were the flowers you had shown him in the Akureyri botanical garden.

Eager to be gone before anybody noticed, he gathered a bouquet of the cheerful, purple blooms. These he pressed into your hands when you greeted him on his return, as well as a quick kiss on the top of your sleepy head

If you wondered how he had gotten them, you were too drowsy to ask, and he bid you go back to sleep. You could both be late today.

[themissingmarvel]

Tell Him

((I took a lot of liberties with this. I also kept some characters alive because fuck you I do what I want and it fits better. I changed a bit because also fuck you I do what I want and it fits my story. It’s got Endgame spoilers like crazy so if you haven’t seen it and don’t want spoilers, save this and move on. Or read it and get spoiled idc live your best life. I plan on making this a series, depending on how it goes over. Or just in general cause I like this.

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: Angst, talk of death))

 Harder!

Sweat was beading on your forehead as you felt your heart race.

HARDER!

 You could feel your muscles aching, sore. Your body was fighting as hard as it could.

Don’t stop!

 Now you could feel it in your lungs, your breathing hard and labored, panting as you could feel the sweat dripping off your body.

 Keep going!

 Your body hurt. Your lungs ached. Your hair was sticking to your head and neck. Every fiber in your being was pushing you forward, past what you even knew what you were capable of. Your mind was blank, filled with only one thought. One need. One desire. You only wanted one thing as you pushed your body past its limits.

 “Hey!”

 A voice echoed in the gym, snapping you from your trance as you suddenly stopped slamming your fists into the punching bag that had honestly seen better days. Bucky was walking towards you, concern on his features as he looked at you. Your tank top was stuck to your skin, your workout shorts soaked even. What he was most concerned about, however, was the blood seeping through the white hand wraps around your knuckles.

 You hadn’t even noticed.

 It had been six months since the world had returned to normal but you had felt so out of place still. You’d been one of the unlucky ones dusted into oblivion, cast into darkness and a void so dark you didn’t know light existed. You had seen nothing in your final moments except for the sky, laying on the ground and staring into the bright Wakandan world. It had disappeared, just like you had, and the world had moved on.

 When you came back, when you all came back, it had been to a fight to the death. You’d lost a best friend and almost lost a father. You’d watched Pepper hover over Tony, Peter begging in his own way for the man not to leave. FRIDAY had read his vitals as critical and you had thought that maybe this was what true fear felt like. What had Thanos done?

 Now all you could think about was the darkness. The void. The endless fear that came with your final moments and how it wouldn’t go away.

 Bucky knew what was happening as he walked over and placed hands on your shoulders, “You need to stop with this. Hitting that thing ‘till you bleed won’t make it go away. We went through something and now we have to live with it.”

 Tough love, right? He wasn’t wrong, though. Bucky had vanished just like you had. He had collapsed to the ground close to where you had been, and he had felt his form dissipate into nothingness. All of you were trying to make sense of not just a world that had carried on five years without you, but a world where you lived again. It had been moments between the snap and the return, but those moments had been agony. No pain, you’d reassured everyone, but the pain had been mental anguish.

 Bucky knew.

 He also knew you were avoiding the one man you wanted most to hold you and fix this. He had seen the way you looked at Steve and he had known it was more than just a crush. He had seen you get quiet and bashful, and this from a woman- sorry, a warrior, who shied from nothing. You drank with Valkyrie, had trained with Natasha (fuck…) and you had Wanda teach you to control your abilities, the electricity that rain through your veins and made you an asset.

 Moments before you’d fallen and as you lay on the ground, crushed over the snap that echoed before you even knew you were taken, you’d seen Steve. He’d been the last face in your vision and as you lay on the ground, sun bathing you in a beautifully tragic way, you’d thought only one thing: Tell him you love him.

 Even death (if that’s what the snap even was) hadn’t pushed you into Steve’s arms. He was powerful and he was good. He was better than you could be, you had thought, and deserved better. Didn’t he? Who were you? Some test subject that Hydra had let get away before they could twist your mind. You’d voluntarily gone in to change but had escaped once you realized what that place was. You’d practically run to the Avengers begging and pleading and Tony had taken you in.

 Letting you go, Bucky stepped back and sighed, taking your hands and eyeing the damage, “Let’s get you cleaned up, OK? Tony and Steve are out taking care of some business in Wakanda for the week, just left. We need you in shape in case anything happens.”

 You stayed quiet as he let you go and you followed him through the suddenly quiet gym that moments ago had echoed with your panting and yelling, that had echoed with your pain. Tell him. Tell him you love him.

 ________________________________________________

Leave it to Bucky to clean you up. He had envied you for getting away from Hydra, as had Wanda and Pietro, but it had let him trust you. You understood firsthand what they truly were and you were an example of what they were capable of. So was he. So were Wanda and Pietro, frankly.

 Once the water had washed away the blood Bucky had seen that the damage wasn’t bad and that it needed to air out more than anything. You’d thanked him for taking care of you and assured him he didn’t need to, “It’s fine, Buck. I’m fine. Just training too hard is all. Got caught up in the moment, you know?”

 He frowned and turned, beginning to walk away, leaving the living room where you two had been, but pausing before turning his head, “She’d be proud of you.”

 You held back tears, knowing he was referring to Natasha, only watching as he walked out of the room for which you were grateful. You’d only lose it more if he’d stayed. He missed her, too. Clint arguably missed her the most which was why he’d distanced himself so much from the Avengers. He was spending more time with Laura, which was good, and his family was whole. Except for her.

 You walked to the wet bar Tony had of course set up and poured yourself a whiskey, neat. Your plan wasn’t to get trashed, which was good, but you did need something to take the edge off. Tony had seen your pain and begged for you to get help.

 “C’mon, Y/N, this isn’t what sane people do. You… you were dust. You’re back. No one would blame you for needing to talk to someone.” He had sat across from you on the couch at the Avengers base in upstate New York, rather than the tower in the city.

 You huffed, “We don’t live in a sane world, Tony. I can make electricity with my hands. You’ve got a suit of armor that can trash a tank without thinking. We work with two demi-gods from a place called Asgard. Sanity went out the window a long time ago.” You’d eyed him carefully.

 So why was this so hard?

 A part of you was so angry at yourself for not telling Steve you loved him before the snap. Another part was angrier still that you continued to keep quiet about it. Your final wish had been that you had wished you’d told Steve you’d loved him. You’d imagined being held in his strong arms or being twirled on the dance floor, a beaming smile on your face and the world disappearing around you. You were getting that second chance now and still you hadn’t told him? Trauma, you’d told yourself. It was trauma.

 “Didn’t realize you were one for drinking alone,” spoke the voice behind you. Turning you saw a grinning Steve, standing tall with his arms crossed, powder blue button-down shirt on and nice khakis. He paused for a moment before strolling towards you, taking a seat on the couch perpendicular to the one you were on.

 You raised a brow, “I thought you were in Wakanda with Tony. Bucky said you were doing some work out there.”

 Steve leaned back and sighed, “Strange decided to go instead. Makes more sense, really. Strange hasn’t been out there, yet, and I’ve earned a vacation.” He smirked.

 A blush crossed your cheeks for whatever reason and you nodded, “Glad to have you here, then. You know, in case we need America’s Ass again.” You smirked this time.

 Steve laughed, a true and heavy laugh, glad you had remembered one of the stories he had told once you guys had all been back together. Tony had thought it might be good to talk about what happened getting the stones given all you guys had been through. Banner explained how weird it was being out of his own body and you had wondered what it must have been like to see a huge, hulking man shown what-was-up by a smaller woman using only her bare hands. It sounded like they all had quite the trip.

 Taking a sip of the whiskey you relished in its gentle burn. You supposed that if it had been five years then you’d earned at least more than a drink. But it was a struggle to remain cool in the lone presence of the man you pined for.

 He narrowed his eyes a bit, suddenly leaning forward, “Hey, what happened to your hands?” He reached out, taking the hand not holding the whiskey, eyeing the skin that had been etched away leaving your knuckles raw.

 What’s happening?

 You snatched your hand back, inadvertently knocking the whiskey out of your hand and onto the floor, those words that had passed through your mind in your final moments passing through once more.

 Please… not with Steve…

 The liquid hit the hard floor and the glass shattered into a million little pieces. You felt the same. Stumbling to your feet and glad you had on shoes you felt yourself shaking, “I’m-I’m sorry. I have to go. I’m sorry.” You mumbled, repeating your words as you stumbled out of the room and towards the one you had called your own.

 Somewhere in your mind you could hear Steve calling out your name and you had wished for a moment you were able to tell him to make it better. You had wanted to run into his arms instead of leaving him with shattered glass and a concerned look.

 Entering your room, you about fell apart. You made it to your bed before the tears fell hot down your cheeks. That same pain you tried so hard to push away was flooding your vision. You saw that Wakandan sky again, felt the dirt beneath you, heard a voice that was so far away, “Bucky? Y/N?”

 It was beyond unexpected, then, to feel a pair of strong arms suddenly wrapped around you, head against your own as you heard him whisper, “Hey, hey… it’s ok. You’re safe, Y/N. I promise you, you’re safe, ok?” The words were gentle and healing, little pieces that were working to clean up the glass that had just shattered into a million tiny pieces.

 Opening your eyes you saw that it was Steve holding to you and without even thinking you threw your arms around him as well. It just felt so good. It felt like a relief, like letting out a breath you’d been holding in as he held you to his warm chest. His smell, a soft cologne, wafted up and you felt comforted more.

 But there you sat, unsure for how long, as he let you sob. You were certain tears were staining that nice shirt of his and you knew how he was turned it must not have been comfortable. But he held you. He held you close and he didn’t flinch as you sobbed. It was compassion from a man who had been through so much himself and still he was letting you unravel, keeping you centered as best he could while you finally let go of what you’d been holding onto.

 So why can’t I say it?

 When he finally did pull away you had calmed considerably, soft whimpers escaping over loud sobs, looking at him as he smiled warmly and brushed your cheek gently, “It doesn’t feel like it now, but I promise you it’ll be ok. And I promise, more than anything, I’ll keep you safe.”

 You nodded, wiping at your tears a bit as you looked away, “Thanks, Steve… sorry for falling apart there. I think I’m feeling better now, though,” you forced a smile and he leaned in, placing a chaste kiss upon your forehead.

 Tell him!

 He stood slowly, “I’ll be a few doors down if you need me, OK? Wanda said she’ll make us some food tonight. Vision is helping, though, so not sure how it’ll be,” he smirked. You couldn’t help but chuckle, only nodding as you watched him leave.

 If only you’d known. If only you’d heard his own voice screaming at him, his internal dialogue that never ceased once more at attention as he shut your door and moved smoothly down the hallway.

 You were the last one he saw. He watched as your form, the one he had memorized so perfectly, began to disappear. Without a word he watched as you slowly vanished into the air. He watched as your perfect eyes, your perfect hair, your perfect everything slipped from his fingers. Another missed chance. Another dance he would never get.

 Tell her you love her.

( @skymoonandstardust @spookydefendordreamer @luckynumber1213 and lemme know if you wanna be tagged or untagged w/e)

[in-madhouses]

i dont mean to bother you but can you link me to the epilogue of your fic ‘they’ll hang us in the louvre” i absolutely have adored reading and im happy i stumbled across your blogs and fics and i cant wait to read more!

HELLO! NO BOTHER AT ALL. Life has just gotten in the way a little and I’ve been absolutely trash about updating. But here’s the epilogue for louvre for those who are actually still out there reading things I post  😭😭😭

.

“So what can you tell us about the Marauders film coming out in a couple of weeks?” The excited host asks with a little glint in his eye, as though he’s asking something he already knows the answer to.

“I.. I can tell you what I don’t know, which is everything,” Aahna deflects instead with a bit of a blush staining her cheeks.

Niall forces to keep a straight face at the sight of her on the screen, slightly squirmish but totally acing it.

Despite being high key in the interview spotlight (on and off) for well over two years by now, he can never get over the fact that Aahna confident to the point of arrogance Deakins doesn’t do very well with interviews.

For all intents and purposes, she does just fine. She carries her confidence like a shield and her charm simply radiates onto the screen. But after being intimately acquainted with her and her idiosyncrasies for a better part of a year, her slight awkwardness is evident. Especially when it’s on red couches and with interviewers that she binge watches on a regular.

“You have to know something!” Graham presses on.

“They didn’t exactly… I mean, at this point I know more about how nuclear reactors work than I do about the Marauders movie,” Aahna says casually.

“Are you saying you haven’t watched it or that you’re surprisingly well educated about nuclear reactors?”

“Both?” She laughs.

And Niall knows she’s not lying, she’d looked it up the week before and spent her night explaining to him it how it worked in detail.

The flamboyant host presses on, “Do you even know if you’re in it at all?”

“I don’t… I… I’m not sure,” she stutters a little before chuckling.

The petite host all but practically screeches at that, “You’re not sure?”

“Is it because they don’t trust you to keep things off social media?”

“Pretty much,” Aahna nods, her grin wide and bashful at the same time, “I wasn’t exactly given a script. Everyone on the principal cast knew what was going on, they literally jumped straight into filming after the last season but I was only given the scenes that I was in, and mid-way through production, so I could be a ghost, a memory, a spell-induced hallucination, I’m possibly not even in the movie at all.”

Niall smiles to no one in particular, somewhat proud how well she’s fending despite the multitude of complicated factors surrounding the interview;

a) the possibility of letting too much about the movie slip and therefore violating her NDA, his NDA, and everyone’s NDA basically because she only knows as much as she knows because they’d told her,

b) the possibility of not talking about the movie enough which would cause the audience to be less excited about the boys being on the show in the following week,

c) the fact that she’s not actually on The Graham Norton Show to promote the Marauders movie but the new season of her own show, and of course,

d) the possibility of deflecting everything far too much and then having to maneuver questions about their relationship status which was a newly hot topic of much speculation.

Despite them not even trying to be sneaky about things after the completion of Marauders: The Final Chapter, the internet stayed unsuspectingly calm.

Apart from that one grainy low quality images of them having dinner surfacing on a fan blog, they’ve actually managed to evade the full force of rumours and speculation with Aahna busy with season two of her show and Niall preoccupied piecing together the parts for his own expansion of title from just ‘actor’ to ‘actor slash screenwriter slash director.’

It only unexpectedly comes to a head when Aahna tweets one of the March Madness bracket charts comparing the fictional men on television by replacing every name with Remus Lupin.

Twitter, as it does, promptly loses its shit over it.

@itsAahna

Fixed the chart for you 🙃 @BBCOne

@BBCOne

Wow what were even doing before you came along? @itsAahna

@itsAahna

Sleeping on Remus Lupin, clearly @BBCOne

@drowningg-in-deniall

can @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial just get together already i want peace 😭

@mishchiefnmayhem

OTPOTPOTPOTPOTP #drowningindeniall

@moooony

I WILL REVOLT #wandsattheready #drowningindeniall @MaraudersMovie

@padsnprongs

I mean we all know #jily is endgame in the movie but i want to see @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial IRL #drowningindeniall

@NikkiSwiftCeleb

If this doesn’t change your opinion on the “friendship” between @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial nothing will.

@PerezHilton

Can we say we called it first? @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial

@EW

@MaraudersMovie exclusive. The cast weigh in on the new fave will they won’t they couple and THAT tweet >> bit.ly/Jh8e3rd4

Niall was back in Ireland when it happens, but his Twitter blows up with fans asking if they really are dating. Oddly, none of the guys or any of the Marauders’ cast members pester him about it. Probably because they think that Aahna’s contractually obligated to keep the conversation on the upcoming Marauders movie, but keeping their sexual relationship turned actual relationship a secret for months on end is surprisingly easy when your friends aren’t being complete nosy fucks.

The only person who truly suspected anything had Caroline, and even then, she’d only thought they were having hate sex to fix all their problems. (Not like she was wrong.) But when they decided to come clean when they wrapped filming with a round of drinks, they find out that there’d been a betting pool going on in regards to their relationship instead.

“I had a tenner riding on this,” Louis says, swaying a little after his umpteenth shot, “I still can’t believe the two of you didn’t get together before the movie wrapped!”

Niall and Aahna share a look at that, but before either of them can let the cat out of the bag, Louis then goes off on how no one but Harry expected them all to become friends and how this lead to them all losing money to Harry and they telepathically decide against telling their friends. (Seems only fair, since their friends were all proving to be complete pricks.)

Which only brings things to their current conundrum of having to promote a movie whilst making use of their fan favourite characters’ practically non-existent romance while some fans were emotionally invested in the actors’ very secret but very real romance.

He smiles at the thought. Because he likes to tell people that he was in love once, back in Ireland. But he didn’t really fall in love, fall in love. Not really. It was more of a familiarity. Like one day something that was there all along that just… became love. And it’s entirely the opposite of what happened with Aahna. Before he was even fully aware of what was happening, she was just… all over his life. Everywhere. Like someone poured her over every inch of him and she just seeped into the very fabric of his life and he can’t wash her out no matter how much bleach he used.

The on screen conversation shifts to the other guests for a bit focusing on the projects they qere involved in, but when the host with the big red couch says he has some tweets to pull out circling back to her, Niall could see the subtle signs of panic creep in on her face.

“Lips were obviously sealed quite tightly when you got cast for the backdoor pilot on Marauders, but an incident got leaked to the press didn’t it?”

“Wait, is this the video?” Aahna asks realisation dawned upon her.

“These were the tweets following that video that most people seem to have forgotten about.”

“Something that you won’t let happen, obviously,” Aahna comments good humouredly, mentally bracing herself for whatever the Graham Norton team has managed to dig up on the interwebs.

“Obviously,” the host announces as they move their attention to the screen on set, “Now these tweets are, I believe, the immediate aftermath of the video hitting the internet.”

@NiallOfficial

4 yrs on a top rated tv show only to end up sharing scentime with someone who got famous lookng gd in thr underwear

@NiallOfficial

that’s not me throwing shade at modesl that’s me throwing shade at @itsAahna

@NiallOfficial

it’s really not my fault that @itsAahna finds memorising lines harder than slupring tequila off her girlfriend’s belly button

@itsAahna

are YOU slurping tequila off of your girlfriend’s belly button right now? @NiallOfficial

@itsAahna

lol kidding (what girlfriend) 😂 @NiallOfficial

@NiallOfficial

at least i’m not about to send in a sex tape to @DailyMirror to distract people from how i cant act atall

@itsAahna

if you wanted to make a sex tape all you had to do was ask @NiallOfficial

“And this went on for like a whole hour at 3 in the morning,” Graham titters excitedly as he continues scrolling through the seemingly endless barrage of tweets.

“They do say that the best relationships start from heated online arguments,” Aahna shrugs, a smile dangling coyly on the edge of her lips.

Niall’s heart skips a whole beat at that.

But luckily, no one on the red couch seemed to have given it as much thought and they glide by the whole topic unsuspectingly.

“I mean, at one point you weren’t even typing words!” The host exclaims, still scrolling through tweets.

“No, you have to say it really fast, it’s… it’s a joke on the Irish accent, I was making fun of his accent,” Aahna admits, looking a little pink in the cheeks in embarrassment and nerves.

She then does an (in his opinion, piss poor) impression of his Irish accent.

Niall can’t help it though, his smile is still so wide, he’s at risk of his face splitting in half.

“You might as well have insulted potatoes,” Graham responds, rather aghast at her impersonation.

“Or Guinness, the Irishman is rather fond of his Guinness,” Ines chimes in.

The rest of the interview goes on with attention bouncing back and forth between the guests and before he notices it, the musical guest comes on and the credits are rolling. He does his best to pretend to be upset when she breezes into his apartment like it’s hers the next day (although to be honest, it’s all hers really; his apartment, his mind, his soul, his heart).

“That’s your best impersonation of me?” He tuts, faking being insulted so hard he wonders how he was ever employed as an actor.

She, in turn, does a very poor job of not smiling as she sets down boxes of takeaway in his kitchen, “Seeing as that was the dumbest I’ve ever looked on telly, I think it was pretty on.”

He grins, “You were great.”

“I can see why you need glasses,” she raises a brow at his direction.

Niall merely shakes his head at that. It’s a quarter past four and the gang should be at his place in about an hour because everyone unanimously decided that he needed to host a party to celebrate his script selling and the studio wanting him to direct and she’s doing the dishes because ‘only losers eat out of takeaway boxes at a party’ and he can’t stop staring.

She looks up and finds him sort of looking at her weird.

“What?”

You, he thinks, I’m looking at you. I’m always looking at you.

“You know this is probably what Sierra meant,” he points out, a little breathless over absolutely nothing, “About distractions.”

She links her hands behind his neck, feigning ignorance, “No idea what you mean.”

And then he’s kissing her against the overflowing sink and she’s laughing, and he thinks it tastes better than anything in his whole atmosphere.

And honestly, Niall is pretty sure he could live off of that feeling for the rest of his life.

@Harry_Styles

I don’t mean to alarm anyone but I think @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial are legitimately dating.

@AinsWills

BETRAYAL!! DECEPTION!! OUTRAGE!! @itsAahna @NiallOfficial

@LeeyumPain

Pics or it didn’t happen @Harry_Styles

@itsAahna

DELETE. NOW. @Harry_Styles

@Louis_Tomlinson

SSSADFGDSASDFGDSADFSF

@Louis_Tomlinson

#DROWNINGINDENIALL @itsAahna @NiallOfficial

@Louis_Tomlinson

#AAHNAANDNIALLERSITTINGONATREE @itsAahna @NiallOfficial

@itsAahna

Stop yelling or I s2g I’m coming over there and choking you @Louis_Tomlinson

@Louis_Tomlinson

Kinky. I take it @NiallOfficial likes it rough?

@NiallOfficial

@Louis_Tomlinson keep your kinks to yourself. yes this is me kinkshaming you

@itsAahna

There are children on the interwebs!! @Louis_Tomlinson @NiallOfficial

@Louis_Tomlinson

Kinkshaming is my kink @NiallOfficial 😉

@Louis_Tomlinson

Kids, kinkshaming is bad

@NiallOfficial

jokes on you kinkshaming kinkshames is my kink @Louis_Tomlinson

@AinsWills

Caaaaan we bring it back to the betrayal bit @NiallOfficial

@C_Davies

Yes. In case you’re all wondering, the @MaraudersMovie cast has a betting pool on @itsAahna and @NiallOfficial

@C_Davies

And I want my money back @Harry_Styles

@itsAahna

Et tu @C_Davies? Et tu??

@Harry_Styles

None of that 👆 was a ‘yes, we’re dating’ @C_Davies

@itsAahna  

I’m blocking all of yous. @Harry_Styles @Louis_Tomlinson @LeeyumPain @C_Davies @AinsWills

@NiallOfficial

Yes, we’re dating 🙃

@itsAahna

BLOCKEDDDD @NiallOfficial 😡😡😡

@zaynmalik retweeted @AinsWils

BETRAYAL!! DECEPTION!! OUTRAGE!! @itsAahna @NiallOfficial

@itsAahna  

Okay internet (and former friends) You win this one.

@Louis_Tomlinson

I want my tenner back @Harry_Styles

[janiedean]

Wait why would you hate brienne in the north as qg? I would have preferred that instead of having her swear celibacy and be stuck in a place where she will always be haunted by Jaime, when kg wasn’t really her dream? Didn’t she only do that because she loved Renly? She wanted to be a knight but not necessarily in kg. And having her take that vow fucks her character arc by reducing her to yep ur right ur ugly, no love for you no man no kids no nothing no no u r ugly beuteish woman

tldr: because she’d be playing fiddle to sansa.

again.

now, premise: I love sansa. book!sansa. like. I love her dearly. I have endless issues with her show version, I’ve had since S5, I never made a mystery of it and I have them because I love her, so please don’t take this as sansa bashing but rather d&d bashing.

and sorry if I sound like an asshole now, but: they already sacrificed theon’s whole storyline to sansa’s for three seasons which is a thing I always hated, and since s6 included, brienne also was basically there to be sansa’s glorified bodyguard and s5 was her waiting around a tower for sansa while they forgot that she has moved on from renly and kept there there to kill stannis but nvm that. S7 she also basically was that. S8 at least she got to be something else and sorry but since my top three favorites in asoiaf is robb brienne and theon in that order, I would have appreciated not having two of them, not one, having their endgame and storyline sacrificed on the altar of sansa’s eventual endgame.

now, brienne in sansa’s qg means that:

she gets the same as being in the kg, just we can see that it wasn’t what she wanted eventually (she did want to be with jaime right) while sansa got her dream happy ending so we have direct contraposition of ugly mannish girl who was left by the only guy she slept with against good-looking girl who basically is her boss and got everything she wished for and who could have anyone she wanted but whatever, she needs no man so whatever;

queensguard also means swearing the same thing, like she was gonna swear celibacy anyway;

brienne was in the red keep for joffrey’s wedding and that was it, she stayed in wf for months including the one she spent there with jaime....... and you think that living in the room she shared with him for a month wouldn’t be worse than the red keep? like, she has to remember that he left and live in a place where most likely she has bittersweet memories for all of her life when at least in king’s landing she has a new start?

obviously renly’s kg was what she thought she wanted, but like... she wasn’t even a knight at that point and renly’s kg meant nothing. the kingsguard is technically the greatest honor a knight can achieve and in the book she actually was like FUCK YOU YOU SOILED A CLOAK I CAN NEVER WEAR at jaime, and if you’re lord commander you actually have a role and responsibility, so actually the kg in the entire realm >>>>> sansa’s qg in terms of relevancy, being able to do something for the realm and being professionally recognized as good at that job.

like: sansa’s qg implies that she takes the exact same vows as the kg, but she has to stay north dying of cold and doing nothing of import except playing fiddle to sansa’s storyline and being the glorified bodyguard. in the kingsguard she can inspire other people, open a line to have other girls being knights and join in, if we take that she wanted to keep on jaime’s legacy of wanting to clean it up and making it better as much as the show did that wrong then she can actually go down in history as the person who turned the KG into an honorable institution worthy of joining again and she can... do something and find some joy in her work even if I still think it’s not the right ending for her, it’s still miles better than having her storyline tied to sansa’s when it’s been that for three seasons. brienne and sansa have joined storylines and I think that’ll happen in the book and I can’t wait for it, but like hell I want brienne’s to be sacrificed to sansa’s for a whole lot of reasons including that ‘ugly girl’s only sense of existing is being the glorified bodyguard to good looking girl’ when at least the other option means that she’s not just a glorified bodyguard but officially the person recognized as the best knight in the entire damned realm because that’s what the kg is supposed to be.

do I like it? no.

do I think it fucks up her arc? yes.

but if I have to choose in between her doing it for sansa’s qg or for the KL kingsguard..... sorry but the latter every other second. at least I can headcanon it into something decent. the first to me is just a huge red no blaring everywhere because there’s nothing about it that I can headcanon into something decent. :/

[redspiderling]

Every time the patriarchy has felt threatened, it has come up with ways to curb women’s rights and freedom.

Remember the Witch Hunt? Humanity decided that witches are real and they need to burn. That decision wasn’t random, it came right after a lot of prominent women gained power and influence, and wanted to deviate from their normal roles, e.g. Queen Elizabeth the first, and other female monarchs in Europe at the turn of the 16th century. 

Another interesting fact about witch hunts, is that they usually targeted middle aged, or elderly women. Basically, women after menopause were considered useless, “shrivelled”. Not only that, but because they were no longer under the direct control of men (a lot of them were widows, or they had adult children and lived quite freely), and as such were thought of as “easily giving in to female weaknesses” for things like lust, or jealousy for younger women who could still birth children, and as such, women of some age (and experience and wisdom) were the first targets for witch hunters.

I’ll bring this back into Marvel context and say that this is simply why Natasha died. I don’t know if you noticed, but Natasha ticks all the above boxes:

By Endgame, Natasha was independent of all male influence in her life.

She had also gained considerable power, given that she was literally leading the Avengers.

Was entirely free to make decisions for herself.

Wasn’t useful to the patriarchy by falling into the model of woman that is considered proper, because Natasha couldn’t have children, and didn’t seem interested in having them anyway.

It always feels like I don’t say “fuck Marvel” enough, so I’ll say it one more time.

Fuck Marvel.

[redspiderling]

@ Marvel with that new deleted scene, amazing the lengths you guys went to suck Tony’s fictional dick while treating Nat’s sacrifice like it was her destiny and her duty as an unmarried childless woman lol fck off 🖕🏻

[vormirjumper]

Can I just say @redspiderling that I love and respect you and your blog so much. I adore your opinions on Black Widow and Endgame. Thank you for your service. 

[newshirtonlines-blog]

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[cassiopeiasara]

How I Learned to Sort Through the Pieces

What started as a one scene follow up to 1.05 turned into this. It’s very Kat centric but with a kadena endgame. Also on ao3. Usual disclaimers apply. Most of these characters (there’s two OCs in here) do not belong to me but this mess of a story does. 

They're waiting for her at the station two blocks from Adena's apartment.  It's all she can do not to burst into tears at the sight of them. It's Sutton who reaches for her first but Jane's arms are only a second behind.

"Let's get you home," whispers Sutton.

They sandwich her between them on the subway. Kat nestles in Sutton's neck and holds Jane's hand. She longs and she aches and she's surprised her tears are still at bay with how much it feels like is pouring out of her. One of them, Jane probably, fishes in her purse for her key and unlocks the door. They pause after the door closes.

"Can we get you anything?" asks Jane.

Kat just shakes her head. Sutton moves her to the bedroom, Kat somehow climbs in but it doesn't register, autopilot kicking in. She feels the bed dip on both sides and soon they have her between them just like the subway. She drifts to sleep with the words I booked a flight, we're going to try to work things out repeating an  endless loop inside her head.

It's the middle of the night when she wakes up, sore as hell and delirious for a moment, even hopeful that the arm slung around her waist is Adena. That hope is easy when Jane is no longer in front of her. Then she remembers, slowly then all at once and she feels the tears well in her eyes.

"Hey," says Sutton as she nudges Kat's waist.

Kat wipes her eyes before she turns to face her. "I was ready this time. I was actually ready."

"I know and I'm so proud of you." 

She cups Kat's cheek and that's when the tears finally flow. Sutton rocks her and wipes her cheeks. It should be soothing but Kat still feels like she's falling apart, like she's breaking at the seams and there isn't a way to put herself back together again.

"Is it always like this?" She manages to choke out between sobs.

"No," says Sutton. "But it never feels that way when it's this fresh." She squeezes Kat and Kat bursts anew.

In the morning, Sutton cooks breakfast and Kat drags herself into the shower, wanting nothing more than to curl back into bed and wallow. Adulthood is a bitch.

She doesn't taste any of the food but she eats anyway because Sutton looks at her like a mother who won't take no for an answer. Bless her.

*****

She throws herself into work, stays late, comes in early. She feels like a zombie but  Scarlet’s twitter stats are up and it's good to excel at something. She lasts three days before she looks at Coco's Instagram. There's a picture of Adena on a balcony, the one from their apartment if previous pictures are any indication, her eyes are weary and she looks exhausted. There's a moment where Kat feels such a kinship with that look because it speaks of trying when you're not sure you want to.

Then Jane leans over her shoulder and whispers, "It won't help, babe."

Kat clicks out of the app and sighs. "I know."

****

Two months later and she feels less like a zombie. She makes sure to steer clear of both Coco and Adena's social media accounts, slipping up only once to see them vacationing in Italy. The look on Adena's face hasn't changed and she tries not to read too much into it.

Jane slips by her desk and smiles, the look in her eyes telling Kat she wants something. "Hey sweetie."

Kat doesn't turn fully away from her computer but tilts her head in acknowledgement. "Hey."

"So I have to write an article on speed dating and I'm wondering if you want to join."

Kat raises her eyebrows and finally turns around. "What?"

Jane's smile widens and Kat hates that she's probably going to say yes. "You know, you switch between people every 5 minutes, mark who you like and get potential dates at the end."

"What about pinstripe?"

Jane shrugs. "It's just an article and he and I aren't anything more than a convenience."

Kat shakes her head because if there is something Jane isn't good at, it's keeping things casual. "How bout Alex?"

"He's busy.” Jane starts to bash her eyelashes and pouts.  “Please Kat, come on, you don't have to stay if you don't want to and even if you find someone capitable, you don't have to date them."

Kat sighs. "Fine." Jane starts to bounce on the edge of the desk. Kat holds up a finger. "But you owe me dinner."

Jane kisses her cheek. "Done, we leave at 7."

****

Kat hesitates as she fills out her card. There are options and for the first time, she realizes she might be curious about them. She can mark men only, women only, or men and women.

"Hey are you ready?" Jane stands next to her with her name tag, evaluation card and number.

Kat quickly checks the men and women box and hands her card to the organizer. "Yeah, let's get this over with."

The first couple of men are duds and Kat is thinking of all the ways Jane will have to make this up to her when a woman sits down. She's wearing a navy maxi dress with a few silver bracelets dangling from each arm and hoops Kat also owns.

"Hey," she says. Kat's eyes flicker down to her name tag, Nicki.

Kat extends a hand. "Hi." There's something that piques her curiosity when they shake hands.

"Kat, what do you do?" Nicki’s tone is warm and her smile is kind.

"Social media director. How bout you?"

Nicki places her hand on her chest and Kat tries not to think of someone else and you touched me here too. "Nurse."

Kat nods, clearing the memory away and reminding herself that things are different now. She can move on. She needs to. "Wow, that's awesome."

Nicki chuckles and drops her hand. "Some days yeah, others I think of all the things I'd rather be."

Kat smiles. "I know what you mean."

Nicki gestures towards the room. "So what brings you here?"

"A friend."

Nicki nods. "A friend suggested it to me too. It's not usually my style, I mean how much can you know anyone in five minutes?"

Kat feels something ease in her chest and she laughs. "Right? It seems like a weird way to try to get to meet people."

Nicki leans on her open palm and something about that movement makes Kat lean in closer. "It's efficient though and I guess most of us decide in the first few minutes if someone is interesting anyway." Her lips turn up into a sly smile and it makes Kat's cheeks warm.

"Yeah, I guess--"

The bell rings for them to switch and Kat almost screams because it can't be five minutes already. Nicki nods as she stands up.

"Nice to meet you, Kat."

Kat nods back. "You too, Nicki."

The next hour goes by in a blur of boring to semi-interesting men and women. Kat ends up with five people she might like, two men and three women and turns in her card.

Jane sighs as they wait for their match cards. "Well, that was a lot. Want to go for Thai?"

Kat nods. "Sounds good."

Their numbers are called and Kat finds herself more eager to find her matches than she anticipated. All five people say yes to her but it's Nicki's name at the top that stands out the most. There's a number listed and Kat wonders how much time is allowed before it's weird to follow up.

She tries to catch a glimpse of Nicki as they walk out but there are too many people and Jane is starving.

****

It's Nicki who calls her in the end and they go for coffee somewhere Alex raved about in his last review.

Nicki is in pants this time, her long curly hair pinned up and a necklace Kat knows Sutton would kill for.

They sit at a small table and Kat notices that Nicki's smile is just as charming in the day time.

"So do you get any other perks besides merch and access to a closet full of designer clothes?"

Kat shrugs. "Depends on the week I guess and what we're trying to promote."

Nicki nods and sips her coffee. "My sister works in publishing, she's always sending me books I never have time to read."

Kat smiles. "I know how you feel."

Nicki winks. "Watch any good TV lately? I feel like I'm ten years behind everyone else."

Kat chuckles and goes into a spiel about her latest Netflix find. Nicki is fun and she's easy to talk to but Kat can't help but compare. She doesn't captivate her like Adena had and Kat feels less like she's tripping over every word.

Maybe it's better this way. Maybe this is what Sutton meant when she said it doesn't always hurt as bad.

****

Jane and Sutton love Nicki and there are times where Kat feels like she might be able to as well. Nicki doesn't pressure her into labeling who they are to each other, she's fun and spontaneous and always makes Kat feel light and free.

They've been seeing each other for a month when Adena calls. Kat's in a meeting when it happens. She runs to the bathroom as her heart races at the name and the thirty second voicemail.

"Kat, it's me. I hope you are well. There's so much to tell you and so much I wish...anyway I'm headed to California for an exhibit then I'll stop in New York before I fly back to Paris. I know it's...it's a lot to ask but I want to see you if it is possible. I understand if you do not want to. Just let me know."

She replays it three times before she exits the bathroom. She gets caught up in the pauses and the hesitation. She lets Adena’s voice flow over her and she can’t help but want more. She wanders back to her desk in a trance. Three months of nothing and now this. Her phone chimes and she jumps slightly.

It's Nicki. A picture of her laid in a spare hospital bed with the caption I'm dying.

Kat bites her lip and scans for Sutton or Jane because what the hell is the protocol when your kind of ex wants to see you and you really want to say yes. They're both out but Michelle, a writer she's only shared a few words with but knows is a lesbian is throwing a paper ball in the air with headphones on. She’s probably listening to her latest pick of albums for their new music review.

Kat taps her on the shoulder and steadies her chair as Michelle almost falls out of it. Kat offers her an apologetic smile.

"Hey can we talk?"

Michelle knits her eyebrows and shrugs, pointing to an empty conference room. She takes a seat on the couch and Kat starts to pace. Michelle tilts her head up at her.

"What's up?"

"So I'm having a bit of a crisis and I like, don't want to be offensive, but Sutton and Jane are out and really you might know more about what to do than they would anyway because, well, you date women and sometimes it feels like this whole other world."

Michelle arches an eyebrow and draws out her response. "Okay."

"It's just, I really liked this woman and it freaked me out you know because I don't really like people. I'm more of a one night stand kind of girl then we kinda had a thing but I ended it because I was scared then when I was ready she got back with her ex. Now I'm kind of seeing someone but the original woman is coming in two weeks and wants to see me and I don't want to lie to the woman I'm seeing now but how do you begin to explain something like this?"

Michelle nods and holds up a hand as if to calm Kat down. "So first things first, deep breath."

Kat stops pacing and breathes. "Ok."

Michelle smiles. "Good, now the new girl--"

"Nicki."

Michelle nods. "Nicki, are you two exclusive?"

Kat shrugs. "Kind of, we haven't really discussed specifics other than not sleeping with anyone else."

"All right, good, so things like this are only really a problem if you still have feelings for your ex."

Does she still have feelings for Adena? Does she even count as an ex?

Kat bites her lip, releases it, and sighs. "I don't know."

Michelle shrugs. "Well, that's not a no."

Kat shakes her head and sits opposite Michelle on the couch. “See, this is why that whole no attachments thing is easier.”

Michelle smiles then. “Yeah, I get that. Look, I think if you’re freaking out this much about it, you should probably tell Nicki. You could go and nothing happens but if you go and something does, you’ll hate yourself for lying.”

Kat nods. “That makes sense.”

Michelle pats her arm. “You’re doing fine, Kat. Just be honest with everyone and things will be ok.”

****

“The Adena? The one you pined for then ran back to her ex?”

They’re spread out on Kat’s couch sharing a glass of wine and Kat wants to drown the whole thing to wipe away the nerves she feels buzzing from all of this.

“Yeah,” she answers. She throws a hesitant smile Nicki’s way as Nicki takes in the information.

Nicki sips her wine and sighs. “You gotta go.”

Kat knits her eyebrows. “What?”

Nicki shrugs. “Kat, you know I like you. I think your friends are hilarious, I admire the tenacity you have in your career and well, who couldn’t love your dimples?” Kat feels herself blush at the compliment and Nicki nudges Kat’s leg with her foot. “Obviously, I hope it’s a disaster but if it isn’t, you gotta know right? Cause you’ll always wonder.”

Kat’s chest warms with affection for this woman she can’t believe she gets to know. “Thanks, Nicki.”

Nicki smiles softly. “You just let me know. No hard feelings either way, I promise.” Kat knows she’s sincere but she doesn’t miss the small sadness that lingers in Nicki’s eyes.

Damn, this lesbian shit is still intense.

****

Those freaking butterflies are still there and damn her traitorous body when she’s trying to play it cool. Adena smiles as they linger awkwardly in the doorway of the restaurant. Adena lifts her hands for a moment as if to hug her but ultimately decides against it.

They’re seated quickly and as soon as the waiter leaves, Adena speaks. “How are you?”

Kat swallows thickly. The question seems almost flippant with what lies between them. “I’m good. How was your exhibit?”

Adena nods. “It was good. The response was everything I hoped it would be.”

“That’s good.” She doesn’t mean to ask it so early but the question burns in her chest and she just has to know.  “How, um, how is Coco?”

Adena takes a deep breath and clears her throat. “She’s fine. She decided that I was right three months ago. We, well, we’re not--”

The waiter interrupts and they scramble to order, Kat immediately forgetting what she asks for. She watches the waiter walk back to the kitchen until Adena calls her name.

“Kat?”

She flips her gaze back and tries to quell the rising satisfaction that things may finally be where she wanted them just a few months ago.      

“Uh, yeah?”

Adena places her arms on the table slightly, running a hand up and down her upper arm. “I wanted you to know that Coco and I are broken up, officially. I’m thinking--”

“I’m seeing someone.” It comes out in such a rush that Kat isn’t completely sure it happens.

Adena drops her hands to her lap and tilts her head. “Oh?”

“Yeah, um, she’s a nurse. I met her through this speed dating night and I really didn’t think it would happen.”

Adena’s face falls and Kat thinks this isn’t how it’s supposed to go. “Well, she sounds lovely.”

She isn’t you, she wants to add but the words get caught in her throat. “She is.”

“I was hoping, well, it doesn’t matter.” Adena reaches to take a sip of her water and turns her eyes from Kat’s.

Come back to me, Kat thinks but the message never crosses her lips. They manage by some miracle to make it through their dinner. The tension eases when they focus on work and Adena’s travel plans. They hug outside the restaurant and it should feel awkward but it’s mostly comfortable and achingly familiar.

Adena gives her arm a squeeze as they part. “I want you to be happy, Kat.”

Kat smiles. “You too, Adena.”

“Perhaps next time I can meet this nurse?”

Kat knits her eyebrows. “Next time?”

“I’ll be back in three months, remember?”

“Oh, yeah, just let me know.”

Adena nods and leaves.

****

When she sees Nicki the next day, there’s a distance that wasn’t there before and it feels so ridiculous but it’s there.

Nicki pauses halfway through dinner and sets her fork down. “It was good wasn’t it?”

Kat tilts her head. “What?”

Nicki sighs. “You and Adena?”

Kat shrugs. “It was awkward actually.”

Nicki smiles sadly and reaches over to squeeze Kat’s hand. “It was good.”

Kat feels like she might cry because this is what she wants. Nights in and good conversation, snarky comments while watching TV, lazy Saturday afternoons and concerts in the park. The only problem is, she can’t bring herself to want it with Nicki.

Nicki rises and kisses her on the cheek. “Let me know if it doesn’t work out.” When she shuts the door, Kat feels like a weight lifts from her chest but there is also a guilt that lingers because maybe it’s proof that she really can’t do this.

****

Adena comes in three days early and suprises Kat at work. Michelle escorts her to Kat’s desk and winks when Kat asks her in the hallway who’s here.

“Adena,” she greets as they both go in for a hug. “You weren’t supposed to be here till Friday.”

Adena smiles as they part. “I suppose I’m a little excited.” They haven’t discussed the fact that they’re both single or that Adena’s work visa is three years long thanks to a contract with two different galleries.

Kat smiles and gestures towards Jacqueline’s office. “Well, just let me say goodbye and we’ll go for lunch.”

“Oh, I don’t want to disturb you. I just wanted to let you know I’m here.”

Kat shakes her head. “It’s ok, I was going to leave for lunch anyway.”

They settle in the park with their food and Kat settles a stack of napkins between them, a Scarlet paperweight keeping them from flying everywhere.

Kat takes a deep breath and turns to Adena. “Can I ask you something?”

Adena nods. “Of course.”

“Do you think, well, since you’ll be here for a while and since we’re both, damn,” she shakes her head and adds, “this went a lot better in the mirror?”

Adena chuckles. “Kat, would you like to go out with me?”

Kat sighs and smiles. “Yeah, I think I’d like it a lot.”

[mikemortgage]

Tom Clancy’s The Division 2 review: Polished and playable, right out of the gate

Score: Unscored Platform: PlayStation 4 (reviewed), Xbox One, Windows PC Developer: Massive Entertainment Publisher: Ubisoft Release Date: March 15, 2019 ESRB: M

It feels like everyone’s figuring out individual pieces of the loot shooter (shlooter?) puzzle, but no one has quite managed to put them all together yet.

Bungie’s Destiny games have perhaps the most intuitive, fluid, and satisfying mechanics of any first-person shooter on the market, and the Seattle-based developer has managed to create some truly compelling endgame content that fully exploits the game’s cooperative mechanics. But key parts of Destiny’s cooperative multiplayer remain exclusionary, and its storytelling still needs work.

BioWare’s recently launched Anthem, meanwhile, gives us characters and a cause we can root for — including a (shockingly) non-mute protagonist with a winning personality — and normalizes the concept of playing with others so adroitly that even folks who usually prefer to play alone probably won’t be put off by being matched with others. Mission design, though, is awfully repetitive, and both character growth and loot are pretty dull.

Anthem review: Think Destiny, with better storytelling, worse loot and more repetition

Crackdown 3 review: Brutal justice made brutally boring

Fallout 76 review: Buggier than a wet Saskatchewan summer

Now Massive Entertainment’s Tom Clancy’s The Division 2 — which continues the series’ story of an America in collapse and under siege by rogue factions after an eco-terrorist attack — adds its own collection of nicely engineered ingredients to the genre’s stew. And while it’s a flavourful play, it could still do with a little refining.

The original Tom Clancy’s The Division didn’t do the trick for me. It launched in disarray, felt pretty repetitive, and failed to captivate my imagination with its New York-in-crisis story, which had few memorable characters or plot twists. But Massive put plenty of effort into it post launch, and has applied the lessons it learned to the sequel, which has arrived free of any major technical issues (odd that this should be a significant differentiator, but these days it is) and with heaps of initial content.

I’m perhaps 15 hours in and it feels like there’s an endless amount things to do, only a little of which feels like make-work tasks. Linear main missions and side quests do a great job letting us exploit the game’s fantastic Gears of War-esque cover and mantle system, giving us plenty of opportunity to strategically move around the battlefield. And tactical control points that need to be captured, defended, and stocked combine with randomly generated activities — such as saving innocent folks from public execution and reclaiming broadcast towers — and sightings of civilian patrols roaming the streets looking for food and supplies to create an organic, dynamic, constantly evolving world.

On the subject of the world, the new setting is a step up. The somewhat bland feeling urban-ness of the previous game’s New York has been swapped out for downtown Washington D.C., the Greek- and Roman-inspired architecture of which is filled with personality and meaning. Seeing a recognizable grand façade or monument in a shabby, uncared for state is much more emotionally affecting than running around between random unkempt apartment and office buildings. Individual characters inhabiting Massive’s fictional Washington are still on the forgettable side, but I’m legitimately interested in helping the city as a whole.

And the looting is good, with a real sense of progress. I get at least a little excited by almost everything I find. If it isn’t a weapon or piece of gear that instantly improves my character, then it might be a resource needed to complete a camp project — which comes with its own rewards — or a piece of technology I can use back at the White House staging area to gain a perk or augment one of my gradually unlocked tactical technologies, including drones and probes. Plus, modding weapons is blissfully simple, with differences in weapon handling and stopping power immediately noticeable. Hopefully this sense of continual growth will continue up to and into the endgame.

All of this makes me happy to keep playing, at least for the short-term. But I still see room for improvement.

Like most games in its category, The Division 2 really is better played with others. But, oddly, matchmaking is a bit of a chore and not automatic. You need to plan whether you want to tackle missions with other players. I’m a loner by nature, so I almost always just head out on my own — which can prove problematic, since some missions can be extremely demanding when tackled solo. You can put out a call for help mid-mission, but my experience suggests there’s no guarantee anyone will answer that call. I haven’t abandoned a mission out of frustration yet, but I’ve been close.

And while firefights are polished and gratifying, close combat is a bit of a mess. If an enemy draws within melee range it becomes all but impossible to properly target them with a weapon, and trying to physically bash them is nearly as hard. What’s more, I find I’m often forced out of cover when foes get too close, which turns me into easy pickings for other enemies. My best advice is simply to never allow any enemies near you. A charging foe should always be your priority target.

On the whole, though, Tom Clancy’s The Division 2 has stuck its landing. Like other games of its ilk, it could do with learning a lesson or two from its competitors, but it has arrived playable, polished, and with so much stuff to do that most players probably won’t even reach its sizeable endgame — which, at this point, I’ve only read about — for weeks, if not longer.

I’m not ready to give it a numbered score, but I do feel comfortable saying this is one loot shooter you can dive into with confidence on day one.

from Financial Post https://ift.tt/2TUUm6a via IFTTT Blogger Mortgage Tumblr Mortgage Evernote Mortgage Wordpress Mortgage href="https://www.diigo.com/user/gelsi11">Diigo Mortgage

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

do you think swan queen is endgame? what do you think of the swan queen fandom?

Do I think Swan Queen is endgame? Honestly, I don’t have a clue. I wish I could give you a straight answer, but I don’t think we’re close enough to the end of the series for me to be able to assess that, because there’s still so much that could happen between then and now. 

I do, however, think that there is absolutely the potential and chance for Swan Queen to be endgame. We know that the show isn’t afraid to portray LGBTQ+ relationships because of Dorothy, Ruby and Mulan. In addition to this, like I’ve said before, all of the foundations are in place for a Swan Queen endgame (x), it’s just a matter of whether the writers will take active steps towards making romantic Swan Queen endgame. 

But as a recently turned Swen shipper, I have to admit I’ve noticed that there’s more emphasis and focus on Emma and Regina’s relationship and their interactions. This is probably an opinion that a lot of other SQ shippers won’t have, because they’ve probably shipped them so much longer than me and so have a preference to earlier seasons or the season that made them a SQ shipper. But watching season 6 is actually what made me a Swan Queen shipper along with this post (x), which inspired me and reminded me that sometimes the canon, heteronormative ships we’re presented with aren’t always the best options or even the ones that make the most sense. But season 6 did completely transform me into a Swen shipper, based purely on the fact that they had more scenes together and I enjoyed them so much and began to see a potential with them. I mean, there’s been so many great SQ centric episodes in season 6, particularly 6x08 and 6x10 and those episodes have just made me love them even more. 

But, I do feel like a lot of the potential we see with Swan Queen is often unintentional on the writers part. I think they really work hard to push them together as best friends and Henry’s mothers, but they will never actually take it any farther. My main reason for thinking this is that they consistently push so hard for C$ and 0Q that I don’t see them ever straying away from that. Even in 6x10, which was such a SQ heavy episode, it still ended with 0Q. Then there’s the fact that despite what we see and perceive, neither Emma or Regina have been confirmed to be anything other than straight, even if there’s been slight hints that say otherwise. They’ve both always had romantic feelings and relationships with men and I feel like the writers would have an issue with pushing Emma and Regina together romantically because they’d have to explain why they’ve consistently portrayed them as being straight only for them to end up with each other.  

I don’t know, I think SQ is simply one of those ships whereby the writers have created such a complex and deeply emotional story between these two characters without even considering the fact that it can be interpreted to be romantic in so many ways. I also think that Jennifer and Lana’s chemistry is more powerful than anyone could’ve anticipated and that led to such an explosion of SQ shippers. But ultimately, I don’t think the writers have ever really considered making Swan Queen canon, which is very unfortunate, but just the way it goes sometimes. 

As for what I think for the Swan Queen fandom, oh my god, I love it so much! When I first joined the fandom I got the biggest and warmest welcome than I’ve ever gotten from anywhere in my life. I had so many people coming to my ask box to welcome me, share their thoughts or ask me questions about how/why I came to be a SQ shipper. It was overwhelming, it really was. I also love the sheer amount of people that are in the fandom. It’s so much bigger and active than I ever expected it to be and after having spent a majority of my time on here with my main fandom as being the TVD/Stelena fandom, which is basically completely dead, it was amazing to be a part of a new fandom so full of life. There’s also an advantage to it because there are so many people to speak to, so many friends to be made, but there’s also so many edits and content available. The Swen fandom is honestly so talented and creative and I love that so much. There’s an endless amount of AU’s, manips and fics that quite literally transport me to another world when I see/read them. It’s really one of the first non-canon ships I’ve really shipped and I love how different it is in comparison to shipping a canon ship. There’s so much more freedom for ideas and so many more people using their creativity to write theories and stories and all other kinds of edits. I also love how positive it is, which I had to admit did take me slightly by surprise. I expected endless hatred towards H00k and C$ in particular, but actually, I very rarely see any from the blogs I follow or even when I’m browsing through the tags. It’s a fandom that’s very much catered towards enjoying, appreciating and sharing our love for SQ rather than bashing other ships or characters, which I like. Before I was part of the SQ fandom, I was obviously part of the C$ fandom and I found that to be so negative in comparison. I was forever unfollowing blogs because I was so sick of seeing Regina hate or almost aggressive declarations of “C$ ARE THE BEST SHIP EVERRRRRRRRR!” It’s like I said before, when I first wandered into the SQ tags I instantly loved it and felt a pull towards it. And now I feel I completely belong in the fandom, which is something I never had with C$. I followed C$ blogs and reblogged their stuff, but I never went into the tags or spoke to anyone or felt the same level of enjoyment to be a part of it. I just adore the SQ fandom, I really do.