#ended up mentioning Dishonored a lot

[nevesmose]

Nostraman Nature Sucks: An Attempted Lore Post

Ave dominus nox Night Lords fans. I thought I'd take some time to go through the various NL stories I have to hand and see what I could find out about the animals that lived on Nostramo. Might come in useful for something, who knows?

Sharks and Whales

As a child, on several coastal journeys with his father, he had witnessed the eyeless barrasal sharks that would group together to hunt the great whales of the open ocean. (Night Lords Trilogy)

His voice filters into something savage and predatory, as hungry as the eyeless white sharks of Nostramo’s blackest depths. (The Long Night)

Not a big surprise since they talk about them fairly often and have the Space Sharks as a successor chapter but Nostramo does have sharks. Pretty gnarly-sounding sharks if I'm honest.

I didn't know what "barrasal" meant, so I looked it up and only found one thread on r/40klore that had the same quote in it as above. Hmm.

Assuming it's not a typo or a more straightforward reference to something I'm just not getting, I'd venture a guess that barrasal, understood here to mean of or relating to "barras" like with "abyssal" could be connected to the French Revolutionary leader Paul Barras who is mostly remembered for supporting Napoleon's rise to power before being overthrown by him.

So maybe the older barrasal sharks will make use of younger ones as temporary hunting partners only to be inevitably betrayed and consumed by them. Sounds about right I think.

As for the whales, where do I even begin? I would imagine they're "whales" in name only like in Dishonored:

This does imply the possible existence of a whaling industry at some stage in Nostramo's history, though.

Crows

Jago reached into his pockets, offering a handful of breadcrumbs. Come, he said to the crows. Food for tonight. Flesh, flesh, flesh, they called back. He laughed as several of the black birds landed on his shoulders and outstretched arm. (Prince Of Crows)

‘Yes. I’ve seen them in books. Is a crow a type of bird?’ ‘Black of feather and dark of eye. It feeds on the bodies of the dead, and sings in a raw, croaking caw.’ (TLN)

Breaking news - legion that keeps referring to crows in shocking has crows on its homeworld scandal. "This is outrageous," said local Nostraman cutpurse and skin disease enthusiast Verxaglryn Quickstabber, "here we are trying to make a good name for Nostramo as a respectable hellhole, a place you'd be proud to exile your worst enemy to, and yet we're surrounded by some of the most intelligent and curious birds in existence. I was shanking someone in a back alley the other night and suddenly I saw a crow learning how to use rudimentary tools! Not on my watch, I said to the rapidly cooling body, and I threw my shiv at it. But it just flew away." At this point Mr Quickstabber was obliged to end the interview due to having been eviscerated by the Night Haunter.

I know their communication with Sevatar is happening in a dream but I really like the idea of the crows adapting to Nostramo by developing some kind of psychic hive mind that's also able to be understood by human psykers.

Crag Cougars

A beast of my home world. When next you see one of the Atramentar, look to their shoulder guards. The roaring lions on their pauldrons are what we called crag cougars on Nostramo. It was considered a mark of wealth for gang bosses to be able to leave the cities and hunt such creatures. (NLT)

Every single one of them is Scar from the Lion King, isn't it? An interesting hint about Nostramo's geography though, of which more later.

Rats

Groundcars whisked by, headlights brighter than deep-hive rats’ eyes, the occupants snug and safe behind armoured glass. (Konrad Curze: The Night Haunter)

No surprises here either. Where there's people there's rats after all.

Something with tusks?

The older Astartes grinned, wolf-like and keen, as the Atramentar either side of the Exalted’s throne growled through their tusked helms. (NLT)

This isn't that conclusive because a lot of Chaos Terminators have tusks no matter what legion they are, but Nostramo being Nostramo they probably belonged to a species of giant carnivorous mammoth that ate babies and sprayed acid from its trunk.

Cows? On My Sunless World?

‘They are still of standard human stock, and not to be mourned. What does it matter if the cattle fear the herdsman?’ hissed Krukesh the Pale. (KC:TNH)

This one's a real reach on my part as it's very likely just a turn of phrase, but I noticed it because wouldn't it be slightly more typical to use a sheep metaphor here? Plus it supports the existence of Nostraman cowboys/ranchers/vaqueros which is fun.

No bats?

His helmet bore a new, spread batwing crest in blatant imitation of Sevatar’s own. (A Safe and Shadowed Place)

A sole space was neat: a circle around an iron lectern fashioned in the form of a bat’s outflung wings, which carried a heavy book bound in human skin. (KC:TNH)

Although they appear a lot in the VIII legion's iconography and artwork, oddly enough I wasn't actually able to find a direct reference to Nostramo itself having bats. Let's cover my ass by saying this aspect might therefore have been brought in by the legion's Terran component instead.

Some Nostraman geography

The Hill Folk lived away from the cities, eking out an existence in the mountains. (NLT)

What's worse than living in a Nostraman city? Living on a Nostraman hill, apparently. This seems to just be an idea of ADB's that doesn't come up again but I've always found it quite interesting. Were the Hill Folk as scummy as the City Folk, just with more of a down-home Dukes of Hazzard vibe? Seems likely.

This also supports the idea of Nostramo not being completely urbanised like some Hive Worlds are. In my view its continents might have had a geographical layout a bit like Italy or Scotland where the cities are mainly on the flatter coasts with a more sparsely populated hilly/mountainous interior.

What else? (This part is just me making stuff up so feel free to ignore it. I'm not ADB, I'm not even ADB's hat.)

If the rest of Nostramo's marine life is anything like the sharks and whales then it's fucking terrifying. I would imagine, because it's funny, that a lot of Nostraman food features disgusting industrially-processed fish in some way or another. Like the food in Dishonored but even worse.

Is something wrong, dearest offworld husband? You haven't touched your stale bread, whalemeat and jellied eels.

Since all life on Nostramo seems to be comically carnivorous and aggressive, it would make sense in a 40K kind of way for there to be giant predatory penguins living at one or both of its poles. A bit like the monstrous blind albino penguins HP Lovecraft wrote about.

Last known infrared pict-capture of an early Nostraman settler attempting communication with a juvenile specimen of the native penguin species. There were no survivors.

[dontlookatmytmntcollection]

Raphael (NSFW Alphabet)

Bayverse Raphael x F!Reader

Our big guy is my second installment. Word Count: 1700. Mentions of exhibitionism, dirty talk, choking, and just general debauchery. I love him.

Raph is a brash, sassy, and gruff person most of the time around most people. It’s a blatant act. It takes extremely little to reveal an extremely sincere, loving, protective, passionate soul, and it’s a side of him reveals to his partner often. ESPECIALLY in the bedroom. Sex is extremely intimate with him, even if he’s being rough. 

Enjoy!

A- Aftercare (What they’re like after sex) - Raph is the one who needs aftercare tbh. He’s a little clueless about what aftercare even is though. He’s loopy and tired and he just wants to kiss and hold you, and unless you speak up and ask for water, a towel, wipes or a snack- he will stay right here with his arms around you. He's a touchy guy, okay? It feels like he’s recharging. If you try to get up, he will pull you back and whine, “What do you think you're doing,” and if you tell him you that you need something he will push you back down, huddle you into the pillows and blankets and go get said items for you. 

B - Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partners) - He loves his arms and tattoos and scars. He knows he looks cool. But he does NOT know he is attractive. Or sexy. Verbal affirmations are overwhelming, especially about his appearance. So be gentle with him about that haha. On you, on the other hand. Ass man. Ass man. Ass man. Ass man. He is checking you out, he is grabbing you, he’s spanking and pinching your ass 24/7.

C - Cum (Anything to do with cum) - He needs you close physically. He is grabbing you and holding you close. In missionary he always presses his forehead to yours. Doggy, he nuzzles your hair and buries his face in your shoulder. He loves when you hold his face and keep your eyes on him when it hits. He swears a LOT, and he’s trying to breathe, so if he kisses you it’s super super messy and pathetic in the midst of orgasm. If you’re going down on him or if he’s going down on you, he’s always searching for your hand. Will grasp your hand or arm, and oral get’s intense for both parties, giving or receiving so the connection is needed. 

D - Dirty Secret (A dirty secret of theirs) - Actually doesn’t watch porn. He doesn’t like it, and he associates it with a lot of the bad people he faces topside. Feels dirty and thinks it's a dishonorable thing. He doesn't know he's the only one.

E - Experience (How much experience do they have) - Because how little exposure he allows himself to sex, and how little he’s entertained the thought of actually having a partner, he is going in completely- and utterly - blind. At least beyond basic, basic 'what goes in what' stuff. He has no idea what he’s doing. But that won’t stop him from pretending he knows. If he’s allowed complete control the first time, it will end HORRIBLY, so please PLEASE don't let him take over. Allow him to slow down and mess up, he will feel so big and clumsy and ugly so he requires lots of affection and reassurance. And PRAISE. He's a super, super fast learner.

F - Favorite Position - He isn’t picky, but he loves when you get him to relax against the headboard with all the pillows and you ride him. He loves that comfort and he gets to watch and touch and feel as much as he wants. But if he has to pick a favorite…he loves doggy. He feels big and strong and he loves that he can kiss and talk to you in the same moment he can pull back and enjoy the view. 

G - Goofy (How goofy are they?) - He won’t goof off until you do, but damn it’s a relief when you do. He feels enormous pressure to do well by you and not hurt you. So when you flirt or joke it’s an enormous relief. Give him some time to get used to fucking because he loves to laugh and tease you. 

H - Hair - He does not care.

I - Intimacy (How are they during the moment) - Raph doesn’t really know he does this, but intimacy comes so naturally to him. There are moments when he’s almost innocent in how much he fucking adores you and needs you. So it can get super emotional super super fast. 

J - Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon) - Masturbation is pretty low on his list of stress relief. When he’s frustrated or stressed or anxious he is in the gym. Then he has like twelve other different hobbies outside of the gym he falls back on often. There isn’t a whole lot of privacy in the lair, and out of everyone he isn’t that desperate for privacy either. 

K - Kink (One or more of their kinks) - Raph learns very, very quickly that he’s super into dirty talk and praise and begging. Giving and receiving. Words of affirmation are super big for him, and it shows in the bedroom. He loves reassuring you and telling you how much he wants and needs you. If you beg for him he'll give you literally anything you want. Very big into choking or holding you down. You weight two pounds to him, so manhandling you in bed or even standing is so exciting for you both. 

L - Location (Favorite places to do the deed) - He doesn’t like anything super sexual around his family, but he does not care anywhere else. He doesn’t care if ya’ll are at risk of being seen or caught or heard- if you are down, he is down and he will make it work. 

M - Motivation (What turns them on) - Okay, he’s a slut for your body, so your ass, for one. The second most motivating thing is compliments and physical affection. You start feeling up his arms or waist or dipping your hands in his back pockets, all while telling him how handsome he looks right now- he’s sold instantly. 

N - No (Turn Off’s) - Doesn’t like it when his family is around. He wouldn't want to be in a threesome ever. Not at all into the thought of someone else touching you. 

O - Oral (Preference in giving/receiving) - He loves the pleasure of receiving, and there are times when he NEEDS the worship and loving's from you. But damn…he prefers to give, and he is really, really, good at it. Really good. He could eat you out for hours and hours. He gets pussy drunk so easily, especially if you're praising or begging for him, or scratching and petting his head. Damn he loves it.

P - Pace (Are they fast/rough or slow/sensual?) - He can do both. He sometimes gets a little lost in the moment and is especially when he’s close, so he can get a bit rough. He struggles to stay slow, especially if you’re talking to him and petting him. 

Q - Quickie (Their opinions on quickies) - He likes them a lot, because it makes him feel desired and attractive. If it’s been a while and you REALLY need him in an area around his family (say, at the lair) he gets SUPER nervous and subby. Will do whatever you want. 

R - Risk (Are they games to experiment? Do they take risks, etc) - Raph is the kind of guy who falls into a routine, so while new stuff isn't a problem, he might take it as he’s doing something wrong or ‘you're not satisfied with him anymore’. So just a lot of communication and assurance will make him an easy sell. 

S - Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last) - Superhuman stamina. He could have you in bed all day. 

T - Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them?) - With lots and lots of assurance and communication, Raph wouldn’t see toys as an insult or replacement for him. He would be uncomfortable and a tad bit insecure at first, especially at first, and is NOT the type to have his own collection. But with time and age he would master them. He wouldn’t like to tie you up often. He likes you touching and holding him too much. 

U - Unfair (How much do they tease) - Give him some practice and confidence and you will unlock a horrible GREMLIN of a tease. He will tease, flirt, tempt and touch literally all the time, in and out of the bedroom. PDA be damned. 

V - Volume (How loud they are, what sounds?) - Raph’s more growly and grunty by default, and he swears a lot. He likes to talk, and he gets good at it quickly, but his sounds only start getting strained, desperate and emotional the closer he gets. 

W - Wild Card (Random) - He’s so big, that one time you came just from his dick pushing into your pussy. It lives rent free in his head and it boosts his ego for ages…

X - X-Ray (What's going on in those pants) - Team cloaca, here. Raph is fucking…huge. Giving him a bj is a sloppy, wet and messy event. You need tons of prep, lots of foreplay and lube despite all the extra lubricant from both of you. He is large, even proportionate to him and that means he's massive in comparison to you. It’s a lot of work to get him inside of you and it’s kind of the opposite of a problem for you both. 

Y - Yearning (How high is their sex drive) - He yearns for you all the time. His drive is enormous, and he could hole up with you somewhere for days and never leave, if it was possible. But your desire for him matters greatly, so his desire for sex depends greatly on yours. If you want to fuck, he will make that happen, but if you don’t want fuck, he REALLY doesn’t want to fuck. If you turn him down once, it will be your turn to initiate the next time you are in the mood. 

Z - ZZZ (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards) - Depends on the circumstances. He is a very sexual person, so a good fuck won't necessarily be what tires him out. But if you're loving on him and giving that physical and verbal affection, and he knows that there is nothing left to do but cuddle and fall asleep; he will pass out instantly. But be careful. He's heavy, it's hard to wake him up, and he snores.

[theyapper0]

PART TWO OF "DISHONORED GUESTS"

Cut to Angel and others. 

Cut. Emily and Charlie at the Aquarium.

Charlie is like OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! LOOK AT THE FISH!!!! THEY'RE SWIMING!!! ACTUALLY SWIMMING AND NOT JUST FLOATING TO THE TOP?????? AND IT IS REALLY BLUE IN HERE!!!

Charlie flips out about fish with Emily humoring her for a while until eventually Charlie asks about Sera. 

Emily says how they're sisters but Sera could be so overprotective sometimes. And not to mention controlling!!!! 

Emily says that she understands that Sera’s just looking out for her as an older sister but… she wished that she trusted her just a little bit more…

Emily is like, “I mean, look at your cuffs!! Sera doesn't even trust us to be ALONE together- trust ME to be alone with YOU!.....

Emily: No offense.

Charlie obviously doesn't take any offense to this and is also like “Wow, you're really open” 

Emily apologizes but Charlie's like “Oh no!! No! It's a GOOD thing! I'm just not used to that! Everyone at the hotel’s just uh… really closed off- it gets hard to tell what they're feeling a lot of the time.

It's nice to hear about feelings! 

Emily smiles at her, “It's nice to be listened to”

Emily sighs, …I feel like she thinks I can't handle anything… I dunno… Maybe she's right…”

Charlie is like, “What!!! No way! Your job is to make people in Heaven happy and I think you're GREAT at that! I mean, I'M happy right now and that's all because of you!”

Charlie: I… I'm sorry that we're gonna have to be against each other during the Trial…  I hope it doesn't ruin the friendship we're forming

Emily is like “No!! It'd never!! Let's not even talk about that right now!! We're gonna have to talk about it allllll night anyhow!!

Emily offers to focus on seeing as much Heaven as we can!! 

Charlie's like YEAH!!!! 

Cut. Back to Vaggie

She's telling herself to pull it together. Everything's gonna be fine… 

She looks down at the countdown on her wrist, “Just a few more hours….”

(9AM when they got there, will be leaving at 9AM of the next day. 22 HOURS LEFT ON CLOCK!! (22:26:12))

Suddenly, an Exorcist Angel (it's Lute) comes BARGING in!!! Vaggie stands up, on high alert.

Vaggie goes to grab her spear but she doesn't have it!!! DAMMIT CHARLIE!!! 

The Exorcist Angel and Vaggie start to kick the shit outta each other!!! 

The Exorcist is like, “You shouldn't be here.” while they're fighting

Vaggie says “I’m here on business with Char-!

“The Morningstar spawn, I know. She got a Trial with the Heavenly bodies but YOU…!” 

The Exorcist Angel kicks Vaggie's feet out from under her and goes to slash her with her sword, Vaggie catches the blade between the flat of her palms, she's straining to push it away as the other strains to thrust it down 

The Exorcist grunts, “Can’t be here….” 

Vaggie screams and is like, “Damnit, just quit it! I know it's you, Lute!!”

The Exorcist falters for a moment but it's all the time Vaggie needs to KICK that bitch off her and stand up 

(She knew it was her bc she could tell by the cape that was wrapped over her armor. Only Lute can wear it (bc she's the Commander. But more importantly, Vaggie could tell from the fighting style (it was exactly like her own) 

Lute gets knocked to the floor and her helmet falls off. She doesn't bother putting it back on as she stands.

Lute: You need to leave. Now.

Vaggie: I can't, trust me, I would if I could. But I'm here until the trial ends. Just-... I'm not here to start any problems, so leave me alone

Lute: ‘Not here to start any problems?’ All you've EVER done for me was MAKE problems, and now this? Do you think this trial doesn't count as stirring the pot? Do you have any idea what you and that wretched demon are doing-

Vaggie: DON'T TALK ABOUT CHARLIE LIKE THAT!’

Vaggie goes to punch her but Lute catches it easily

Lute is quiet for a moment. 

Lute: You've been banished from Heaven. You cannot be here. You're not allowed here

Lute: I don't want you here.

Vaggie stared at her, “I'm not here for you” 

Vaggie walks towards the door and Lute speaks, “What do you think people are going to say when they see you? Do you think they've forgotten what you've done?” 

Vaggie doesn't answer, she goes to open the door but Lute comes behind her and shoves it shut, “Answer me.” 

Vaggie: What I've done? You mean not kill a CHILD?!

Lute: A SINNER child! 

Vaggie: Why the fuck are you here?! Why the Hell do you even care if people see me!?

Lute doesn't answer for a moment, she follows Vaggie's question with another

Lute: Who does Charlotte think you are, Vaggie? WHAT does she think you are? 

Vaggie: Listen, I told you, I'm not here to make problems-!

Lute: What do you think she'll do to you once she finds out the truth 

Vaggie: SHUT UP! 

Vaggie screams as she throws a punch at Lute, who catches it easily

Lute: It’s my job to protect Heaven and your fallen ways put all of eternal salvation at risk

Lute: If you chose to stay the 24 hours bestowed upon you, you'll leave me no choice but to share this information 

Lute opens the door and steps through, standing in the doorframe with her back facing Vaggie, “I'm giving you the option, Vaggie. For old times sake”

Lute: Do not overlook this kindness

Lute leaves 

Cut. Back with Charlie and Emily 

They're walking and talking 

They run into Adam coming out of some shop, strangely missing the Exorcist lieutenant who always accompanies him….

Adam greets them like, “Well hello there, you two! How’ve things been? Charlie, how're you liking Heaven so far? ^^

Charlie says how it's A-MAZING!!! 

Adam laughs, “Well I'm not surprised if Emily’s the one showing you around!”

They all talk for a bit and the conversation shifts to the Trial that'll be happening in a couple hours

Charlie thanks Adam for allowing her the chance to speak with Heavenly bodies about redemption, she knew she wasn't going to exactly BUDGE on getting the opportunity but she was still grateful for him helping in making it happen. 

Adam: Heaven didn't really like that I wanted to do this but… it's only fair, right? We exist as 2 realms but we must function as one for all mortal souls

Charlie: Yeah! Exactly! I mean, especially with the Exterminations, I think it's high time to try out a different solution for-!

Adam cuts her off, suddenly extremely on edge, “HAHAHA! YEP YEP YEAH! ANYWAY!!! 

Adam: So Charlotte, have you gotten any more patrons at your hotel?! 

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

PART 4

PART 5

[moony-2001]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Psychopathy: a Critique on Hades' Character and Personality pt. 1

TW: grooming, abuse (financial, physical, sexual, emotional), violence, manipulation

It is imperative that everyone reading this takes into account the fact that I am not a licensed psychologist. This is purely my own (unprofessional) opinion based on the knowledge I have. When I use the term "diagnose", please take it lightly.

I would also like to note that narcissistic personality disorder and psychopathy are usually misrepresented in the media and there is a lot of stigma surrounding these disorders. I would like to take the time to point out that just because Hades is an abusive groomer that I am “diagnosing” with these disorders does not mean that every person with NPD or psychopathy is an abuser or a groomer.

Hi. I wanted to start by saying that this post will cover many upsetting topics (listed in the Trigger Warning [TW]), so please read at your own discretion.

Straight up, this post is not going to be pretty. It is going to be long and technical and full of me blabbering away about XYZ. Based alone on how long this intro is, it's probably going to be split into multiple parts. If you don't want to read this because of all of the aforementioned things above, that's okay. If you don't like what I have to say, that's okay too (but be respectful). But if you do want to read this, I would be so grateful. I hope at the end of the day, you can at least appreciate my efforts. I will try my best to not get snarky, however I apologize if some snark does come out.

The way the sections are going to be broken down consists of the following:

The disorder + definition

What the criteria is that must be met for the disorder

Other known personality traits those with the disorder have/what are other traits people with this disorder have in common

Examples from Lore Olympus that (in my opinion) would cause the character to fit the disorder

"Honorable" or "Dishonorable" mentions

Final Thoughts

Additionally, I will talk very briefly about Hades being a groomer and an enabler. These are not mental illnesses and thus will not be taking center stage. With that being said, let's begin.

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD)

I must clarify that psychopathy is not actually a category in the DSM 5. Psychopathy falls under Antisocial Personality Disorder or ASPD. So you wouldn’t be diagnosed as a psychopath, you’d be diagnosed as someone who has ASPD with more psychopathic (or sociopathic) tendencies which the DSM 5 does specify. So, even though I can't actually "diagnose" Hades with psychopathy, I can "diagnose" him as someone who has ASPD with more psychopathic tendencies. Again, I'm using the term "diagnose" here very lightly.

The Disorder

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) is a Cluster B Personality Disorder in the DSM 5. Cluster B Personality Disorders are typically marked by inappropriate, volatile emotionality and behavior that is often unpredictable.

The diagnostic criteria for ASPD is as follows ->

a. A pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others... as indicated by 3 or more of the following:

failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest

deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure (i.e., to obtain money, sex, or power)

impulsivity or failure to plan ahead

irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults

reckless disregard for safety of self or others

consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations

lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another

b. the individual is at least of 18 years of age

c. there is evidence of conduct disorder with onset before age 15 years

d. the occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or bipolar disorder

When these traits were expanded upon under the diagnostic criteria, these are the traits that stuck out most to me:

"... may repeatedly perform acts that are grounds for arrest such as destroying property, harassing others, stealing, or pursuing illegal occupations."

"... decisions are made in the spur of the moment, without forethought and without consideration for the consequences to self or others."

"They may be indifferent to, or provide a superficial rationalization for having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from someone (e.g., 'life's unfair'); they may minimize the harmful consequences of their actions or may simply indicate indifference; they generally fail to compensate or make amends for their behavior."

Associated Features

Those diagnosed with ASPD may also exhibit other behaviors that are not in the diagnostic criteria but are commonly associated with the disorder. These "features" include:

"Frequently lack[ing] empathy and tend[s] to be callous, cynical, and contemptuous of the feelings, rights, and sufferings of others"

"Irresponsible and exploitative in their sexual relationships"

Have a history of many sexual partners and may never have sustained a monogamous relationship

"May also experience dysphoria (tension, inability to tolerate boredom, and depressed mood), associated anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, substance use disorders, somatic symptom disorder, gambling disorder, and other disorders of impulse control"

"May also often have personality features that meet the criteria for other personality disorders, particularly borderline, histrionic, and narcissistic personality disorders"

Additionally, ASPD cannot be diagnosed before age 18 and is more common in males. Males with ASPD often have some kind of substance use disorder.

Abuse or neglect may increase the likelihood that [a] conduct disorder will evolve into antisocial personality disorder.

Common Examples within Lore Olympus

Irritability and Aggressiveness

As listed above, two of the possible behaviors indicative of ASPD are irritability and aggressiveness, something that Hades seems to have endless amounts of. The two beings that are frequently at the receiving end of this behavior are Thantos and Demeter, though really, Hades behaves inappropriately to anyone who isn't in his innermost circle. This, in my opinion, makes me believe that his abuse of others stems more from narcissism rather than ASPD but I am still unsure.

Throughout the comic, Hades treats Thanatos, his adoptive son, cruely. Even though the panels I used as an example are primarily from the trial and post-trial arch, there are plenty of other examples of Hades talking down to, belittling, or humiliating Thanatos, especially in public. Hades later tries to excuse this behavior by saying that due to the abuse he suffered as a child, he "didn't know what to do" with Thanatos. So, in a genius act of parenting, he resorts to *checks notes* either icing out Thanatos or verbally/emotionally abusing him until he could survive on his own. At which point Hades functionally abandons him. And remember when Thanatos asks Daphne if she's going to break his phone? Odd reaction to someone asking if they can see your phone, right? We know that Hades can be violent, often resorting to physical harm or destruction of property. So what's to stop him from smashing Thanatos' phone as a form of abuse? Granted, that last part is speculation, but don't forget Hades ripped out someone's eye and broke both his legs. Breaking a phone isn't above Hades.

Though the reader doesn't see a large majority of Hades' abuse towards Demeter until later, Hades openly admits that he and Demeter never got along, claiming that Demeter "always" found something to argue with him about. I suspect the actual details of their dislike for each other wouldn't make Hades out to be the victim of Demeter's "nagging". My theory, though wildly unsupported, has some stock to it due to Hades not just belittling but being outright cruel to Demeter in the panels below. But of course, Hades is suddenly worried about making a terrible impression on Demeter after thousands of years of bad treatment now that someone they both care for is involved which reeks of narcissism.

Failure to Conform... to Lawful Behaviors

Something that goes hand in hand with Hades' aggressiveness (and is another required "trait" for ASPD) is his failure to conform to lawful behaviors. Obviously, he's not the only character who does this in Lore Olympus, but I'm not talking about the other characters today.

Three situations that go beyond irritability and aggressiveness and turn into a breach of lawful behaviors (among many) are his brutal assault on Alex, his assault on the nymph to get back Persephone's comb, and the threatening of the pawn shop owner after being denied information about Persephone.

I remember when reading the chapters about Alex’s torture, people either cheered Hades on or felt indifferent. I honestly don't remember my reaction when reading these chapters the first time, but looking back now, Hades majorly overreacted. Paparazzi are generally a scourge upon the earth, and I do understand when celebrities get aggressive with them for wildly overstepping boundaries for the sake of a story. However, Hades' punishment (and reasons for the punishment) is extremely cruel and unusual, especially given that this story is supposed to be a MODERN retelling. I know the core cast are gods, so cruel and unusual is kind of their thing, but that archaic attitude of the ancient world clashes with upheld societal norms of today's times. I've seen videos of celebrities flipping off, getting aggressive, or even shoving away paparazzi but never ripping out their eye or breaking their legs.

I don't think Hades nearly killing Alex was the white knight moment people thought it was; clearly he doesn't know Persephone as well as he thought he did if he thought that nearly beating her classmate's roommate to death is something she would give him a treat and a pat on the head for. Not to mention, Hades did it for his own ego, not for Persephone's sake, something Persephone calls him out on. AND HADES ADMITS IT. Sure, Hades claims that Alex put Persephone's scholarship at risk, which is true to an extent, however, he quickly turns the situation into a "how dare you do this to ME" situation, something I pointed out in one of my previous chapter critiques as a major flaw of Hades.

And if you think "cannon" Lore Olympus Hades is a scumbag, wait until you read the pilot episodes of Lore Olympus. I thought Hades' brutal torture of Alex was bad in the officially released episodes, but if you go on the Lore Olympus Wiki where the pilot episodes are posted, you will see it's... so much worse. Imagine it like this: if Hades being shown about to rip out Alex's eye made you grimace, what he does to Alex in the pilot comic will literally horrify you.

Another character Hades assaults and harasses is the unnamed nymph in the underworld who had purchased and was wearing Persephone's comb. Again, she had purchased the comb i.e. it was legally no longer Persephone's, and therefore Hades had no right to take it back. It doesn't matter whether or not Persephone "would've never sold the comb if she didn't have to". Regardless of whether or not she had the comb, Hades as king of one of the three realms has no right to treat his citizens like that. It is unseemly.

It is just as unseemly for Hades to threaten the pawn shop owner because she refused to give Hades information about Persephone. Privacy policies are extremely important. This owner doesn't know if Hades is an abusive partner or if he's trying to hurt Persephone. It's the same reason why in real life, most places of employment are legally not allowed to give out any information about their employees. But sure, Hades can throw a temper tantrum because he doesn't get his way and when the temper tantrum doesn't work, he can try out his little sob story and magically get the information he wants.

Persephone once argued that as a king, Hades has a little more wiggle room to do what he pleases. However, I disagree. I think as a king, he should have less wiggle room because he is the face of a realm. He needs to set an example for his citizens. Instead he is allowed to run wild and do what he pleases, with Hecate either barely reining in Hades or aiding him.

Exploitative in their Sexual Relationships/Non-monogamous Relationships

Quick note: the DSM 5 hasn’t been updated in about 10 years (with minor changes made in 2022) and non-monogamy will likely no longer be included in future ASPD criterion since the rise of polyamory. A better descriptor for non-monogamy would likely be serial cheating, but for now, it is still regarded as non-monogamy in the DSM and I will be referring to it as such here. Keep in mind that not every person who has ASPD is going to be exploitative in their sexual relationships or participate in non-monogamous relationships and it is deeply unfair to make that assumption of someone who does have ASPD. However, there is usually a reason that certain traits or associated features are listed in the DSM-5 (or on other sites about the disorder) so keep that in mind.

One of the biggest critiques in the anti-LO community concerned Minthe, Hades, and the nature of their relationship. It was made abundantly clear from the very beginning that their relationship was incredibly unhealthy and involved themes like exploitation, abuse, and power dynamics. Obviously, Rachel wanted to portray Minthe as the toxic, jealous ex which worked in a way, given the fan base's treatment of her. However, the moment it was revealed that Minthe was nothing more than Hades' PA with whom he slept (which is a gross behavior still seen in the real world today), I felt it went downhill from there. As more and more details about their relationship came to light, it became clear that the abuse happening in their relationship went both ways, starting right from the moment Minthe became Hades' sugar baby. Please remember that financial abuse is just as damaging as verbal, physical, or psychological abuse. To clear up any confusion, here is a rough timeline of Hades and Minthe's relationship:

Hades and Minthe meet for the first time at the car event where she is working

Minthe storms into Underworld Corp. because she didn't get paid for the gig and was angry at Hades for (unintentionally) screwing her over

Hades fires his current PA and Minthe becomes his new PA

Minthe becomes his sugar baby either immediately or not too long after that

Hades blurs the line first and their relationship is no longer "no strings attached"

Years of on-and-off relationships, abuse, and fighting

Hades was planning on proposing to Minthe (which she discovers beforehand) despite knowing that his family hates her and she never wanted to be queen of the underworld

Hades meets Persephone and begins an affair with her, despite never officially breaking up with Minthe

Hades eventually breaks up with Minthe after she hits him

Hades immediately moves on to Persephone, a 19-year-old whom he's only known for a few weeks

Once again, in the pilot comic, the way Hades treats Minthe is worse. After she seemingly doesn’t come to the party with him (or claims that their relationship “isn’t working”), he immediately cancels her phone plan and doesn’t pay her rent as, what, petty revenge? Again, this is a form of abuse; Pilot!Minthe is now homeless and stranded because Hades took away essentials from her, leaving her scrambling. Hades shouldn’t have to lie down and take Minthe’s treatment of him, but he inherently has power over her as her king, employer, and a god. Their relationship was never one of equals.

Side note: The reason I also included the panels of Minthe talking about what Persephone “gets to look forward to” with Hades is that often, people with ASPD will have a “glib, superficial charm” as stated in the DSM-5. We often see Hades turning on the charm with Persephone, but again, I have a feeling that what Minthe is saying in an attempt to hurt Hades isn’t far off from the truth. And she gets turned into a plant because of it.

*inhale* Emotional 👏🏻 affairs 👏🏻 are 👏🏻 affairs 👏🏻

Not to mention that Hades also got physical with Persephone (and Hera) even while he and Minthe were still together. Like Persephone said, MINTHE DID NOT DESERVE TO BE CHEATED ON and yet they both go ahead and have an affair anyway??? I don’t understand why Hades felt the need to have an affair with Persephone when he had the resources and support necessary to leave Minthe (like seriously. I’m sure there would’ve been a massive party thrown by his family and close friends because they all look down on her). If it was Minthe who decided to leave Hades, she would've had a much harder time with that process.

I will admit I am biased on this topic. I despise cheaters. If you’re going to cheat on your partner, you should just leave and spare them the emotional pain. Instead, Hades drags out their relationship while being involved with Persephone, then gets to play “responsible” so he can sweep Minthe under the rug.

Let's not forget that Hades' relationship with Persephone is exploitative, too. Persephone is a sheltered, naive 19-year-old who hasn't once left the mortal realm until the beginning of this story. She doesn't even know what a butt dial is. Persephone is practically the poster child for the born sexy yesterday trope. And, like every titular story where this god-forsaken trope exists, there also exists a creepy man who is much older than the female protagonist and is totally okay with taking advantage of her so that he may end up with the ideal woman. Like Hera said when chewing out Hades: she's young. Easy to impress. Won't argue with you. And even after Hades finds all this information out, he goes, "Aw damn, that's a shame. Guess I'll pursue her anyways". Luckily for him, Persephone hasn't been around the block, which makes her the perfect target for his grooming and manipulation tactics. Disgusting.

Additionally, there are other moments after Hades and Persephone get together where he exploits her. Some of these moments include when he proposes to her. In this instance (and other situations), Hades exploited Persephone in a moment of distress where he framed himself as someone who could take away her pain. While I won't stick up for the way Demeter treated Persephone, Demeter was correct in the sense that Hades only asked Persephone (and Persephone said yes) to spite her. Of course Persephone was going to say yes, but Hades knew that. That's why he asked in the first place. That was his work around to Demeter's promise of preventing Hades from having something of hers that he truly desired.

Reckless

Hades' recklessness wasn't something I initially picked up on when first reading this comic. However, when doing a more thorough read, it is evident that this behavior is behind many of his actions.

The sleep dive chapter bothered me so much because not only was he not listening to his wife at all, but he acted like they were somehow the victims in this situation which was… certainly a choice. And she had to talk him off a way by having sex with him which just felt so icky to me. Not to mention, he initially wanted to confront Kronos without a plan because HIS pride was at risk. Both of these situations can also be classed as “reckless disregard for safety as self”.

Hades was also reckless in rushing into his relationship and marriage with Persephone. She says she wants to take it slow, he pushes boundaries. She says she wants to live in her own apartment so naturally they move in together 3 episodes later. She wants to take time for them to date and know each other? Nope, he rushes right into that god-forsaken proposal. I don't think I have much else to say on this topic without sounding like a broken record, but this is a behavior that should raise a warning in readers' minds about Hades' ability to make good choices, not only as a person but as a king.

Dishonorable Mentions

There are some “dishonorable mentions” that I think could’ve taken the main stage but I’m not going to go in-depth about them for a few reasons (such as Tumblr's 30-picture limit). They include:

Excuses/Lack of Remorse about the treatment of characters (217, 253)

This mainly concerns Thanatos and Demeter, the two people Hades most often antagonizes. In my opinion, neither party got a proper apology from Hades, just half-assed excuses. Hades blamed his childhood circumstances for the way he treated Thanatos (which funny, Kronos does the same thing with Hera) and his way of making up for that is offering him a sandwitch which just.

Wow. Truly inspiring parenting skills right there.

Not to mention that in the finale Rachel writes that Thanatos and Hades barely talk with each other?? So much for making amends or whatever.

As for Demeter, Hades makes an excuse about how by Demeter "taking away his volcanos", she would remove his only tie to the mortal realm which... I guess we're supposed to feel bad about? As if Hades frequently visits the mortal realm anyways. I suppose it's the principle of the matter, but I still think it's a half-assed apology, especially considering it's been hundreds of years since Demeter was screwed over as queen of the Mortal Realm. And I know Hades also brough back Demophoon, Demeter's "son", but let's be real, it was just to get brownie points with Demeter.

Inappropriate treatment of Persephone in the workplace (40, 41, 44, 59, 88, 107, 178)

Now, I'm unsure if the way I'm interpreting "consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior..." is, in fact, correct, but I'm going to err on the side of caution and mention Hades' treatment of Persephone in the workplace. This is something I mentioned in Minthe's section, but it is irresponsible and inappropriate of Hades as Persephone's boss to treat her the way he does. The private lunches, the tours, hours spent together not working, the list goes on. Not to mention Hades keeps swinging back and forth between trying to treat Persephone as an employee under him and trying to get her under him.

Alcoholism

Hades' alcoholism goes without saying. It has pretty much been known from the very beginning that Hades has an issue with drinking excessively, to the point where Zeus even snarks to Persephone that where Hades is, there's likely booze. Which... is he wrong? Is he? I don't have a whole lot to say on this subject, I just figured I'd bring it up since substance use disorders are frequently associated with ASPD.

Final thoughts

It’s incredible how Hades got older but never seemed to grow up. Granted, something might have been stunted due to the abuse he suffered as a child, but this is also the man who called his therapist a quack so I can only feel so much sympathy for someone who bemoans their situation but refuses to get help *cough*the afterward chapter*cough*. It's very clear that Hades as also been enabled and coddled to the point of being able to unlearn his behaviors and anyone who tries to stand up to him or does something to displease him suffers his wrath.

Overall, while I was not in Rachel's head while writing Hades' character (and I frankly didn't want to be), this is one of my best guesses about what is wrong with Hades. It’s pretty obvious that Rachel never intended to write Hades as someone who presented with anything other than PTSD, but it’s still kind of shocking how many boxes Hades checks off for other psychological disorders. Again, I'm not a professional psychologist, I don't have any kind of degree, I just know a lot about the subject and I love throwing myself into research. All of the information I have gathered has come from credible sources such as the DSM 5 and other similar sites that cite the DSM 5 in their sources. I will see you soon in part 2 when I discuss Hades and Narcisistic Personality Disorder.

[big-ass-magnet]

Girl Genius character alignment nonsense I could not get out of my head.

I know the dungeons and dragons alignment charts are up to a LOT of interpretation, which is why people always argue when someone assigns blorbos to the wrong square.

HOWEVER.

We are all generally in agreement that the "lawful" part of lawful good, neutral, and evil does not mean the 'things you can go to jail for' type laws, yes? You can do evil things without doing anything illegal (gestures at capitalism) and you can do good things that are illegal (gestures at capitalism again). "Lawful" means a personal code of ethics and honor (or dishonor) that a character follows.

(if you DON'T agree with that, just pretend for the duration of this post; play with me in this space)

Lawful evil can do chaotic evil things without compromising being lawful--the archetype of evil characters who are convinced they are good because everything they do is a means to a greater end. Chaotic evil is when you, at your core, first and foremost form your beliefs and make your choices based on a foundation of "because I want to".

An evil paladin who burns down people's houses for fun can still be lawful evil because of their devotion to their oath--if they have the kind of oath that allows or encourages house burning.

(you can probably guess where I am going with this)

Jägers have done and are in no way opposed to chaotic evil stuff. That is not up for debate. They enjoy violence and destruction, and they will cause it whenever they can, but they don't leave Mechanicsburg on a raid for the fun of it. The Mechanicsburg citizens who ride with them absolutely do it for the fun, for the glory, to get chicks. The Jägers ride with their Heterodyne.

In the novelizations, it's specifically mentioned (in my favorite gag in the whole series) that Bill and Barry turned the town from chaotic evil to lawful evil, and managed to do so because they had the support of the Jägers. When Bill and Barry did good, the Jägers were fascinated, even curious about trying it, because there is nothing in the troth that says you serve your Heterodyne only by setting things on fire.

Mechanicsburg and the people within were chaotic evil; the Jägers, by virtue of their troth, were already lawful evil. Hell, you could make the argument that they were and are lawful neutral, and where they are on the morality scale is up to the Heterodyne.

and bill and barry could have made them good if they hadn't decided unilaterally that all monsters are evil and not worth saving unless they are human on the outside I GUESS

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[cheeseceli]

It's okay

Pairing: I.N × Gn!Reader.

Genre: hurt/comfort.

Summary: you feel like everything is falling apart, but your boyfriend is there to hold you close.

Warning: mention of blood; mention of food; Y/n is pretty much in a breakdown; not proofread; some cursing.

Author's note: this happened to me but I had no i.n with me lmao😔 hope this might bring comfort to anyone who needs it

"Y/n?"

The voice of your boyfriend woke you up from the confusion that was in your mind as soon as you heard him, noticing the worried expression his features had.

"What?"

"You've been staring at this glass for a while now. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah" you started drinking from your glass of water, avoiding any other question. The cubes of ice had already melted "everything's alright."

"Okay then. Uh... do you want to order food? We can eat that guioza that you've been dying to try. Or we can just have the usual."

"Just order whatever you'd like."

You stood up and went to the kitchen, feeling guilty for treating Jeongin so cold-heartedly when he clearly was worried about you. But you really, really didn't have the energy to talk in the moment. And even if you did, you doubt anything good could get out of your mouth right now. So you were going to wait.

Wait until your problems disappeared, or until you were brave enough to face them. Whatever came first. But honestly, you didn't expect that any of the previous options would actually happen. You were just waiting for everything to get worse and dry you out. Those last days couldn't have gone worse and now you're just playing this game where you try to guess what horrible thing will follow in the list of disasters in your life. Maybe someone steals your phone tomorrow. Or you can break an arm before going to bed tonight. Maybe your university catches fire, your boyfriend breaks up with you and you receive a call from your parents telling you you're a dishonor. The possibilities are infinite.

Whatever the case is, you just feel something bad will happen, as apparently you have no control over your life anymore. Nothing happens as you plan it, it doesn't matter how hard you try. In the end, you can't stop unpleasant situations in your life, like letting the glass slip from your hands. Very next thing you know is the pain in your foot as the glass shatters next to it.

"Y/n? What was that sound?"

"Nothing"" you tried to keep calm and not involve I.N in your mess, even though you knew it wouldn't work. Not a second passed by and you could hear his footsteps coming closer.

"Oh shit."

"It's okay, I'll clean it."

"No, Y/n, stop. You are barefoot and already bleeding."

"It's just a small cut."

"Still a cut. C'mon."

You didn't quite understand at the moment, but when he searched for the nearest pair of shoes available to wear and took you in his arms you got it: he was bringing you brided style to the bathroom.

"You're overreacting."

"Just sit down, please." He placed you in the sink and started an inspection on your cut, analysing how bad it could be "does it hurt a lot?"

"No. I told you it's just a small cut."

"It's not that small baby. What's going on?"

He was focused on cleaning your wound and didn't really look at your face, but you knew he was paying attention to every small movement of yours. You could see he was trying to help you. For a second, you really wanted to be helped.

"Was it really that obvious that something's wrong?"

"It's the second glass that you break this week. Besides I know you well."

"Sorry 'bout that by the way."

"I don't care about a glass, Y/n. I just want you well. Can you tell me what's bothering you?"

"It's just..." now his eyes were on you, and you could notice how much he truly cared about you. Funny how just his eyes could lift a lot of weight out of your shoulders "I don't know, everything's seems wrong. My backpack ripped in the subway, my friends love to say shit about me as if it's the funniest joke ever, my family's dog is sick, I didn't have a proper meal for more than a week and this is a never ending list. I know I must be being dramatic as hell right now, but to be fair, I feel like I'm on the edge of a breakdown."

"Baby" I.N dried one of your tears with his thumb. You didn't even notice you started crying "it's okay to feel like that. You're not being dramatic at all. After such a hell of a week you deserve to let your feelings out. What about I cancel that order, I cook your favourite to you and we sew your bag later?"

You have him a small smile, glad you had someone so great by your side, someone who knew how to be there for you "I'd like that very much."

He smiled as well "Great."

Jeongin stood up so he'd be able to give you a proper hug. Your boyfriend wasn't the touchy type usually, but he was really great at giving hugs, so whenever a moment like this happened, you tried to savour every minute.

"We can go to your parents' house tomorrow if you'd like. Maybe your dog will get better by your side."

"It's a three hours drive."

"I'm a good driver."

You smiled, hugging him tighter and pressing your face into his chest "thank you."

Reblogs and feedback is always appreciated!

Dividers by @cafekitsune

[vorareromantic]

anyway i have some more proof for my "mello still would've killed himself if he lost to near" theory. special shoutout to @melloneah for giving me input while i talked my head off about this. ur a real one

first of all, this:

his "great and respected predecessor, the man whose actions were a strong influence on me personally." beyond birthday, the second child much like second place mello. the second child, the backup, the second choice who went off the deep end. he could never succeed, bound for failure. and of course, mello goes so far as to say he's trying not to base his analysis of beyond on his own experience. trying, but not succeeding. he takes influence from B because he understands and relates. he knows what it's like to be second best, to feel like a copy. and the "if this was how i felt, i shouldn't even need to say how bad it was before."

then, there's this:

the emphasis on beyond's failure and loss. but then, mello circles it BACK around to "my poor, poor predecessor," which has a strong undertone of mockery, given what we know about mello and how he views failure. and then he says that B must've "longed for death," and offers condolences for the humiliation that he experienced.

obviously, i can't bring up any of this without mentioning mello's introduction to the story where he knows he's going to die and has accepted that.

mello knows he is going to die because he knows his options are a victory by default if near dies or not beating near and surviving, which as i mentioned before, he implies to be embarrassing and not worthwhile. he studies these actions through beyond as he leads himself knowingly up to his death. but he knows what he's doing. that's why he takes off his helmet. he can't and won't live with the failure and shame. he studied where beyond went wrong in his own failsafe suicide attempt so that he wouldn't make it out alive and suffer the same shame and embarassment.

not to mention the phrasing. "died like a dog," according to merriam-webster, is used to describe a dishonorable or shameful death. he acknowledges that through beyond too, with the embarrassment of failing. he knows his own death will shameful, but he also hasn't died yet, which implies his choice in the matter. he chooses to die a shameful death because he believes it's better than feeling his own defeat. he compares himself to beyond repeatedly and admittedly takes inspiration from his actions all the way until the end.

he references the hardest part of killing someone in one of the paragraphs above, which is important because it's a callback to when he says this:

he acknowledges that killing is hard, and in the part where he makes this callback, he says that humans aren't designed to die easily. so he has to do something more extreme to not make beyond's mistakes. something that would keep him from the same embarrassment of surviving when he meant to die. perhaps even something that violates those natural laws of the universe-- oh, wait, wait.

interesting. very interesting.

i also must point out my own personal views on the labb murder cases book. firstly, i do not think it is canon in the sense that everything in it happened. i do think it is how mello personally views the events that unfolded, but despite his denial i do also think it is largely influenced by his own experiences and worldview. there would be no way for him or L to know the exact dialogue that occurred, or anything beyond the major plot points. a lot of it is left open for interpretation, and mello makes up his own dialogue and perspective. was B or misora really anything like how they were depicted in this story? who knows. most of it was made up. and given he expected near to be the first to read it and the only person to care or understand, i think he knew that near would know exactly what that book was.

mello knew he would die, was yet to die, seemed to know how he would die, foreshadowed it, recognized all of the risks of the notebook and yet continued to show his face, and then all of the connections of himself to beyond especially right before acknowledging his suicide attempt as a power move and the humiliation of surviving through failure. he never had any intention of making it out alive. his case study on beyond was truly an analysis on himself. the labb murder cases wasn't just a story or a fanfiction, it was a suicide note. one last insight into the complexities of mello's mind, and perhaps most importantly, he gets the last word.

edit: i also just realized the full title is "death note: another note the los angeles bb murder cases" but none of the other death note books are called "another note" because the rest of them are not notebooks or notes. but this is. mello says he doesn't want it to be a novel, but it's because it's intended to be a suicide note and that EVEN IF IT TURNS INTO A NOVEL it is always a suicide note first and foremost.

[jadeee]

Scaling Walls

Kento proposed before leaving for war. He said he'd be away for six months, but it's been a year.

— Author's Note — There's an alternate ending.

4.3k ⁎ depression, anxiety attacks, mentions of war @luneariaa @raevennsge @everything-minni

The Mad Maiden. It was an insult. Salt in the wound. A disgrace. Betrayal, disrepect, dishonor... but.. were they wrong?

You gazed out over the ledge and into the fog of the September sky. The air turned cold, yet it couldn't compare to the chill that seeped into your spine months ago. He wasn't one to make promises, so he desparately fought your attempts to extract an exact date from him. However, he stated that six months was the minimum for his departure. 

You're only a woman. You can't stop war. 

You remember how your throat tensed at the sound of him saying how long he'd be gone. 180 days, which was half a year without being next to him. Hearing his voice or holding his hand. Seeing him smile at your quips. Making you laugh with some ludicrous comment. How the corner of his lip would turn upward when he'd lean in during functions to whisper something the tabloids would have a field day with. It was nearly summer when he'd left. The world completed it's annual rotation around the sun without your lover's return. It was now fall... Your eyes watered. Your heart ached. Stomach churning at the, unfortunately, familiar abscence of his prescence.

"Princess..." the voice of your lady in waiting, Belinda, called from behind you. "Princess, please step back from the ledge."

 You glanced at her over your shoulder, "Don't insult me."

Her chest rose until it seemed her dress would burst. "I was only... I... forgive me."

Your nostrils flared slightly as you faced forward.

"Please... come inside. There's a chill and you've left your coat."

"Have you forgotten you're my help, not my mother?" you bit your tongue as you gazed out at the forest beyond. Your hands gripped the rail. The metal from your ring pressing into your flesh. The diamond still shined despite the beginning of the dull fall weather.

"... Leave."

The woman knelt, then turned to leave as requested. The breeze blew through the sheer fabric of your dress, which started to slip from your shoulders much like the others. Goosebumps pricked your skin but you felt nothing.

April 21st, 1905

"Hello, nice to meet you." your hand shook that of other royals. The room filled with onlookers who waited for this very moment. Your staff had taken special care of mending the wrinkles of your dress that morning. Tucking and pinning your hair this way and that. Adjusting diamonds until they shined ever so brightly, then polishing the ring. You twisted it round your finger as you walked toward the podium. It'd been nine months and he hadn't sent so much as a piece of string. 

The first few months were filled with letters, exchanging of small mementos and keepsakes.

Should we have a spring wedding? It could symbolize our new chapter as a married couple. What about colors? Should we have a traditional royal wedding? Oh God, the thought... Please help me decide... there's still the dress. Oh! Where should we honeymoon? 

All my love, 

An indecisive bride

You rested your hand at your side, then lifted your dress as the official helped you up to the platform. Maybe it was the tiny twists of flowers in the nearby vase that reminded you of his handwriting. The black ink from his last letter seemed to imprint itself in the walls of your mind.

I'm afraid things are not progressing as we would've hoped...yet, I'm eager to return to you, my beautiful wife. Yes, I know we're still engaged but it's true in my heart. You take up a lot of space there. As for the details, I'd much prefer to elope. Wouldn't you? I don't care for the details, as long as we're together. Although, if something isn't to your liking, do tell me so I can take care of it.

To my everything,

Kento

P.S.: I'd like to honeymoon somewhere warm and tropical.

A warm smile resided on your face as you stared at your hands. That was four months ago, during Christmas. Which you'd spent alone for the first time. Tears stung at your eyes, then someone in the crowd cleared their throat. You lifted your eyes to the crowd. As if you suddenly realized you were being watched and waited on. You held your head high, ensuring the crown wouldn't slip.

"Thank you to the King and Queen for my being here. I would be remiss if I didn't —"

Your eyes landed on a man who wore badges you easily recognized, since Nanami had the same ones. You recall making him explain each one to you during one of the late nights you often spent together. It'd been a year. 365 days and then some. The papers were no longer covering the war, yet cameras were pointed at you while you were here to discuss... what? Nationality? Pride? Being faithful to King, God, and country? Your throat tensed, chest rising and falling every few seconds. "I can't began without —" 

You shifted your stance as you looked out at the crowd. Their faces slowly morphing into various shades of skin tones and colors instead of distinguished features. "I— I'm sorry." your breath quickened as you stepped away from the microphone emitting murmurs from the crowd.

"I can't." you faced your guard who stood by your side still as stone. His eyes, however, studied you with soft concern. As he offered you his hand, you pushed it away and ran past him to a corridor. He followed you without hesitation. The murmurs morphed into a low buzz, a steady hum of Did you see that? I think she was going to cry. It's her fiancé. Does anyone know what happened? Shame to be a widow before the wedding. Who'll design the dress?

The often hardened eyes, melted at the sight of you on the floor of the empty hall. The chiffon of your dress pooled at your bare feet, shoes cast aside, crown lying sideways by your legs which were tight against your chest. His salt and pepper brows twitched while he fought to maintain his neutral facial expression, as he was taught when he first began.

You sobbed into your hands, "He's dead isn't he? And no one wants to tell me because they pity me. He's been blown to bits or tossed aside in a ditch!"

Vincent knelt down to your level and spoke your name softly, breaking every single rule. You drew your hands down slightly then looked into his eyes. The silence seeped in, until it nestled itself into your belly. A rock hardening in the pit of your stomach, ready to savor and swallow every single fear you had.

"... no" you uttered and shook your head "no, he..." you tilted your head to the side "please..."

"I don't know if he is, but... I need to get you back to the palace. We need to get you away from you here."

Your carefully painted lips formed a frown. The skin of your chin wrinkling at the very act. Another round of your sobs echoed throughout the hallway and the buzzing seemed to grow closer. "Princess, we have to leave."

People shouted your name from the other side of the door. "Have you heard from the Prince? Is he still off at war?! Did he leave you? Will there still be a wedding?!" 

Your heart sank into the pit where it would be devoured. The doors rattled, beating like the drum of an ancient song.

"Get back! Immediately!" a group of guards shouted amid the commotion. You glanced over at the oak doors. Maybe being trampled on would be better. You wouldn't know since Vincent scooped you up in his arms, then carried you to the exit behind the building away from prying eyes.

The next few months were filled with silence in every single form and shape. Silence from your mouth, save the typical "I'm not hungry" or "I'm not going." Silence in the halls, since you hardly left your room the staff didn't have to work as much. So they stood, waiting for you to come back to life. Yet, you slowly hardened each day into stubborn stone, residing in sadness.

Your staff didn't bother to ask for permission to enter anymore since you stopped speaking except when necessary. They only knocked to make you aware then opened the door timidly to do whatever they had set out. This time, it was a carefully prepared bowl of your favorite fruits. Belinda held it in her hands as she studied how your garment began to slip from your shoulders.

"Princess, the doctor says you need to eat." 

"Unless he's feeding me by force, I won't do it."

Belinda sighed then nodded "Yes, Princess." she set the plate of fruit down at the foot of your bed before leaving.

Once the door shut, your eyes landed on the bowl. The faint sweet scent caused you to make  your way over to the bowl of little delicacies. Your fingers touched at the cold produce then wrapped around them, lifting it to your mouth. Was he eating? Tears filled your eyes and you pushed the bowl away.

June 2nd, 1905

Nanami ran his hand through his hair. He needed a haircut but that was the least of his worries. Maybe you'd like him with longer hair... His fingers rubbed at the nape of his neck. Eyes landing on the stack of letters he kept by his bedside, if you'd even call it that. He'd started to leave the letters out of the envelope for quicker access. Carefully tying the bundle after reading them each night. The favorites were at the top — although, they were all his favorite. He made sure to keep certain things hidden however. Like the locket you gave him with your picture before he departed.

Another little thing he'd done was tie twine around his ring finger, at your behest. In one of your letters, which he keeps at the top of the stack, you mention it being his temporary ring until you two get the real one. Silver. I want silver for us. Gold is overrated. Nanami recalled how you chuckled at his statement, when he confessed his personal preference one morning. 

"Should I have the frames re-done then?"

"Absolutely, the palace walls are hideous." 

He grinned, breaking character, then pulled you closer to him to kiss your forehead.

He could feel it against his lips now. His fingers absentmindedly reached for the locket he wore under his shirt, only to feel the impression over his heart. A sigh left his lungs as he replayed images of you in his mind. Had you picked a dress already? It'd been a year...

The entrance of his tent flung open, "General." the soldier stood at ease awaiting for his approval and recognition.

Nanami nodded, too tired for formalities "Yes?"

"I thought you should see this, sir. We received our batch of newspapers. It's late but... it's important." he handed him a faded newspaper with a headline that read "Mad Maiden" dated April 22nd, 1905. He rose to his feet when he read about you foresaking the podium and sobbing in a hallway.

"That is all."

"Sir..."

He glanced up at the man "That. Is all."

He saluted to his higher up then retreated. A whirlwind of emotions ran through him: concern, fear, disgust at whoever concocted this filth... but namely, longing. How much longer? Recent devlopments made it impossible to write to you. The locket fell from its typical spot as he exhaled.

"Have you come to feed me?" you chuckled at Dr. Percival who stood in your room. He'd been your doctor since you were a child so you weren't accustomed to the usual formalities.

"Yes." he answered plainly.

You glanced at him then scoffed.

"... If you don't eat, I'll need to take other measures and I don't want to do that."

"... you wouldn't."

He looked into your eyes then pressed his lips together. His hand reached for the plate of food Belinda left in your room minutes ago, "Just try."

You took the plate in your hands along with the fork and bite into it. After a few chews, you spoke again "Have dinner with me."

"Okay."

It was the first time in months, you'd come downstairs for dinner. The staff didn't set the table as usual, per your request; so, you sat side by side with Dr. Percival. Your shared chews filled every nook and cranny of the room. 

The doctor noticed how you wiggled in your seat. "Have you seen the leaves change?"

"From the balcony. Yes."

He studied you, "How often do you go to the balcony?"

You cut your eyes at him. He didn't move an inch.

"Why do you still wear it?"

Your fingers danced at the mention of the jewel that'd been residing there for a year.

"If you believe he's dead, why wear it still? He won't come back if he is."

Twelve hours was a new record. The longest you'd went without crying. Sleep didn't count because you didn't do that much. Tears welled in your eyes as you gazed at the diamond.

The doctor set down his fork as he looked at you. Your shoulders started to shake as you sobbed. He rose to his feet then embraced you. Everything you'd felt over the past year bubbled up and spilled over as you sobbed against him. Within seconds, your breath became bated and ragged. Your sobs were short, choked sounds "I c—" you clutched at your chest.

He glanced down at you "Princess?" his ears burned at the sound of you gasping for air. He called you by your name and clutched your shoulders "Look at me! Look at me!" his hands rested on your cheeks as he made you look into his face. Your eyes were filled with tears as you continued to gasp. 

"Belinda! Vincent!" they rushed to your side and followed his orders to calm you down. He held onto your hand as he made you lie on the ground. "I need you to breathe, look at me!"

That night was the first time you didn't sleep alone. The doctor along with Vincent and Belinda stood nearby as you lie in bed. Their frames looked like shadows or watchdogs. Something ancient guarding a secret. Except were they protecting you from the evils of the world? Or was it the other way around?

October 15th, 1905

Your court and staff had worked hard to get you where you were now. Your chambers were still a mess but you were eating three meals a day, sometimes reluctantly, and moving around a bit more. You didn't deem walks around the halls as exercise but Dr. Percival differed. 

"Maybe we can go out to the courtyar—"

"No."

He walked down the carpeted hallway with you "Very well."

Your eyes landed on the silver frames lining the wall. "Can I rest after this?"

"Yes, of course. Will you be going to the—"

You cut your eyes at him.

"Very well, then."

The sun peered through your curtains, despite them being drawn.Your hand slammed against the comforter at Mother Nature's reluctance to let you have your way. Your eyes followed the ray of sunshine, hand drifting up to catch the light and harness it somehow. The diamond twinkled under it and the corner of your lip twitched as you felt the tug on your heartstrings.

Mornings now typically started with the doctor talking you out of bed and doing a few stretches. Yet, this morning you simply said "Leave me... please." he obliged sensing your sadness. The mahogany doors shut with a soft thud, leaving you and the sun illuminating your room. Dust motes floated through and landed onto the pile of dresses stacked in the chair. Papers and notes about the war Nanami had been away fighting... or so you hoped. You stood to your feet then looked out the window.

A knock at the door interrupted your thoughts.

"I said leave me."

"There's someone here to see you." Belinda stated.

"I'm not taking visitors. You know—" you turned at the sound of the door opening. Suddenly, time had stopped. You stopped. Breathing, blinking, thinking... being. After a moment of silence, you shook your head.

"No... hm-hmph" tears quickly found their way to your eyes. "No." you shook your finger and stepped back until you hit your dresser. "How..." your breath hitched but your eyes never left him. His hair was longer... why didn't he cut it? The medals on his uniform were polished. Anyone on the street would see him as pristine but when you looked into his eyes. You felt the ache, the yearning, the tears he cried while he was away.

"I.. you.." you breath quickened as you tried not to cry.

"I know," he reached out to you and you found yourself recoiling. Nanami shrunk back, his hands idly resting by his side unsure of what to do. Hurt filled his hazel eyes as he gazed at you, tilting his head and furrowing his brows.

"Don't touch me."

He'd fought in combat, shot and been shot at but nothing could have prepared him for this.

"Guards!"

"Darling, I—"

"You're not real. You're a figment of my imagination because," you wiped the snot that was dripping from your nose "because I- I want you to be real and here, but—"

"I am. I'm right here!" he started to resist the guards that boxed him in.

"I saw you die! I dreamt about it every night!" you shouted in a broken voice then started to cry. Belinda caught onto the sound and rushed for the doctor.

Within moments, you fell to the floor, clutching at your chest. "Wh-what's happening?" Nanami attempted to run to your side but your guards pulled him back. He shoved then stepped forward only to be pulled back again. Luckily, Vincent, Dr. Percival and Belinda came running in. Vincent instructed the guards to ease up then Nanami stepped forward as you started to gasp for air.

"No, no, no," you shook your head as you proceeded to sob and heave. The guards moved forward to collect Nanami once again. Vincent watched while Belinda uttered a prayer. Dr. Percival shouted "Stop!" Nanami glanced back at him then watched as he approached you. Dr. Percival knelt down "He's real. I promise you," he leaned in until you could see his face "He. is. real."

Nanami watched you with a steady eye. Never moving or saying anything, just standing in wait for your permission. The locket thumped against his heart.

"Please... let him in. Hm?" 

Your sobs died down to quick breaths as your eyes focused on the carpet beneath your hands. Then there was the ring, staring back at you through your tears. You started up again and Nanami moved closer then knelt down and wrapped his arms around you. Your face pressed against his shoulders, chest against his, muscles tensing at the sudden movement. His scent invading your nostrils until he was all you could breathe in. Your breath hitched in your throat and tears filled your vision again. The room was silent in that moment. All of the staff filling the space of the room as they watched the long awaited reunion. Nanami oblivious to whomever was watching, softly uttering "I'm here now. I'm sorry I took so long." as he caressed your back.

You held your breath, only sufficing small inhales until you felt like you would burst. Your arms hovered over his back, wavering, shaking. The familiar scent of wood and citrus wrapping itself around you like the very hug he was giving you now made the silence impossible. You embraced him tightly with all the force you could muster. He chuckled through the tears he was shedding against your nightgown.

Vincent looked at the guards then nodded, signaling for them to leave. He trailed behind the doctor and Belinda, leaving you two alone. The room was a medley of shared sobs. When he pulled back, he smiled through his tears at the sight of his beautiful bride. Even with tears running down your cheeks and a runny nose, you were still beautiful. His hands rested on your cheeks and you instinctively put your hands over his. The corner of your lips twisted as you did so.

"What is it?" his thumb brushed the tears from your cheek.

"You... you're wearing it." you touched the twine around his finger.

"Of course I'm wearing it. You're my wife."

Tears filled your eyes once more and you sobbed, wrapping your hands around him. Kento held you close. He'd never been more grateful for such a moment as this. His lips placed a kiss at the top of your head.

"You're my wife," he repeated softly.

— Alternate Ending —

Later that afternoon, Nanami walked with you along the garden. He wanted to say so much but he didn't know where to start. His hands remained at his side as he put one foot in front of the other.

"I asked the kitchen to make your favorite tonight."

"Really?"

He nodded "I also asked that they make dessert. I hope that's okay."

"Of course it is." you chuckled at his humbleness.

"I apologize for making you worry. There was an incident and ... we couldn't communicate with anyone. It became too dangerous." he took your hand in his. You held it for a moment "You're here now." you pulled your hand back and offered him a small smile.

He leaned back slightly then followed your sight of line to the sunset. His lips opened then shut and he joined you in the silence instead.

The staff relished at the joy you seemed to radiate during dinner. Your laughter and voice was music to their ears. Joy was one of their favorite songs to hear in the halls and they truly owed it to his return. He was happy to see you in such high spirits, however they were dashed when it was time for bed. You shifted for a few moments as he lie next to you.

"It's... it's been a while."

His heart went dull at the reminder "... I know. Should I remain on my side?"

Your silence put him at further unease "I'll stay here. Don't worry."

You rested your head against the pillows.

"Darling?"

"Yes?" you glanced at him.

"Can we hold hands? Only for a moment."

Silence, then a nod. Nanami felt his heart race at the pure prospect of hand holding. He'd felt giddy. He was delighted. His hand slid into yours and he looked up at the ceiling. He brought it to his chest then you pulled back.

"I'm sorry...."

Hurt filled his eyes once again. "It's quite alright. I can sleep in the guest room."

"What?! No. You've just returned from battle. Stay. I'll go to the guest room." you kicked the covers off and he scoffed.

"Don't be ridiculous, the Princess should stay in her chambers. I'll leave." Nanami got out of bed then headed for the door.

"No."

He glanced back at you then shifted his stance to face you fully. "What do you suppose we do then? Since you won't even touch me. It seems you can't stand me now."

"I never said that!"

"You don't have to."

You leaned back at the verbal slap. "Nanami..."

"Just tell me what you want and I'll do it." he approached you "I swear, I'll do everything in my power to make it happen."

Your eyes started to fill with tears again as you gazed into his "I wish you never left."

He pressed his lips together slightly, still gazing into your eyes "I can't change what happened."

"... I know."

You broke your gaze for a second to wipe your face "They called me mad," you let out a half-hearted chuckle "The Mad Maiden."

"Don't say that. Whoever wrote that is a dimwit with nothing better to do."

".... so you've read about it?"

"... yes."

Silence until "I canceled my appointment with the wedding dress designer. We had a meeting scheduled a few months after you were supposed to return in the fall of 1904. When you stopped writing, I..." tears welled in your eyes and you shook your head then shrugged.

He reached out to you then drew back, remembering how you could barely hold his hand.

"... do you still love me?"

You turned to face him.

"Do you?"

"How dare you ask me that?" you shook your head and he stared right into your soul "I shed myself for months, withering away until I barely recognized myself. I waited nearly two years for you to return. I convinced myself that there would be no wedding, There'd be no honeymoon or kids skipping down the halls because you were gone. I dreamt about burying an empty box and I still kept this ring on my hand because I couldn't bear the thought of aching so terribly for anyone else." tears fell from your eyes "I ached... every single day."

His eye never left yours and they filled to the brim with tears at your words.

"Don't you ever ask me that again."

He continued to stare into your eyes then leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours. A surprised squeal left your lips, before those moans he missed took over. His hands found their way to your back and your head which he cradled. With each second you melted into him and against him, he moved closer.

"Can I—"

"Yes." you pulled him down toward you and he briefly smiled against your skin. His hands intertwined with yours but the feeling of twine gave you pause.

"What? What is it?"

"You... you're wearing it." you touched the twine around his finger.

"Of course I'm wearing it. You're my wife."

— Author's Note — I really enjoyed writing this one. Originally, I had a scene where the doctor actually resorts to opium to calm down the princess but that felt too hardcore.

[serpentface]

I'm sure you've already mentioned this somewhere I couldn't find it, but if you wouldn't mind going over it again/redirecting...

It's very clear that the purpouse of marriage here is to basically give a man a wife to have children for him and not producing babies is quite dishonorable/sus. Janeys handily sidestepped this, but what's the societal norm for women who physically cannot get pregnant/bring a pregnancy to term? Is this grounds for divorce? Or something even harsher?

The function of marriage in this society boils down to ensuring the future of your family line via children, securing wealth for oneself and one's family (via dowry and dower, and political alliances in the case of the marriages of nobility), ensuring support for oneself/one's family (via a wife's domestic labor, a husband as a primary supporter and protector, children who will provide labor and will care for you in old age, a male heir whole will carry your legacy, etc), and even ensuring secure passage to the afterlife (your children have filial obligations to ensure you get a proper funeral, the blood bond between a husband/wife is thought to help guide a lost soul if they die without being able to obtain rites).

Social norms regarding a man's expected performance of masculinity as a patriarch are deeply wrapped up into and built on top of this, but it's much more complex than Just benefiting a man's social standing. The blood family is the fundamental social unit and sense of identity in this society- you are your family name before you are an individual, you have profound obligations towards your family and ensuring its survival (both literally in a life or death sense, and in the sense of preventing the end of a line). Nobility generally don't have to worry about obtaining marriage for basic subsistence (though marriage and childbearing still has other squarely practical functions) which is where you see concerns about honor being most preeminent, but maintaining your family name and line in good standing IS understood as a survival concern.

So all that being said, yeah it's a problem if a woman cannot get pregnant or bear offspring to term. In cases where the HUSBAND is infertile, the wife stands a strong chance of being blamed (there is most often no way to prove otherwise in the immediate term, and the wife herself will generally have no way of knowing for certain that it Isn't her). A woman's infertility isn't something that's going to be 'punished' per se (outside of individual cases of abusive husbands), the main response is just going to be divorce (and this is probably the most common reason for divorces).

This is still a very bad situation for a young woman to be in. Being divorced on grounds of infertility (real or imagined) DRASTICALLY lowers your chances of being remarried, which is a matter of security and survival for a woman in this society. Your likeliest chance at remarriage is that a MUCH older widower who already has a set of healthy and/or adult children will be interested in taking you on as a wife, and this is hardly a given. Fathers will also sometimes refuse to reclaim daughters who were divorced on grounds of infertility- this Sometimes has practical elements (especially in cases of poverty, where taking her back is another mouth to feed), and sometimes purely a matter of shame. (Note that this is not THE standard practice, and will often be regarded as perhaps understandable but notably cruel, some will even consider this to be an outright flouting of familial obligations).

A lot of women will also attempt to determine their fertility prior to marriage, and a prospective wife being examined for signs of infertility is highly encouraged (if not an outright prerequisite, especially among nobility). Part of the job of many midwives and all higher echelon physician-priestesses is determining fertility, and they can be hired for pre and post-marital examinations. [This comic mentions it, Hibrides has been suspiciously not pregnant after Janeys going 'yeah I've definitely knocked her up, probably. Bye' and ditching, examined by a midwife yet again at his mother's behest, and determined to be fertile] [This is a distinctly unpleasant and humiliating experience].

Divorce is not usually the First response when a couple struggles to conceive (it's within a man's rights to call for it, but this is rarely a pragmatic move due to the massive resource investment in a marriage to begin with). A Huge portion of traditional medicinal practices focus on improving/ensuring fertility (both male and female), and both spouses will change their diet to include fertility-enhancing foods and take/wear medicines when trying to conceive, and may undergo intensive medicinal regimes if they're struggling.

Religious practice is another avenue for navigating conception issues, and fertility is of MASSIVE significance to this faith (in all its aspects- that of humans, the earth, livestock, rivers, wild animals, etc). The Faces Mitlamache, Ganmache, and Anaemache are most relevant to human fertility (with the latter having associations Specific to pregnancy) and blessings from their priests, prayers and personal offerings, and sacrifices to these Faces are thought to be able to increase fertility or (potentially) cure sterility. Odomache has a role as a protector of pregnant women and of children (superficially disparate to Its warfare and sovereignty functions, but womens' struggles through labor is likened to a combat, especially given high rates of death in childbirth and Very high rates of infant mortality), and Odonii provide blessings to encourage a healthy pregnancy and delivery. A lot of public festivals and rites have at least partial functions specific to female fertility (the annual rites to Anaemache are mostly participated in by women who are pregnant or hoping to conceive).

All this being said, sometimes husbands and wives actually do like, love each other. Marriage in this society is usually arranged (SOME lower class marriages are self-selected but the marriages of noblemen are basically never Not arranged) and the institution of marriage is NOT about romantic interest by any means (though its a standard hope that love will develop with time), but men who are deeply attached to their wives might struggle to pull the pragmatic move of divorcing in the face of clear infertility. You'll see some couples struggling to conceive for years and pouring all their efforts into medical and spiritual intervention (perhaps even making a show of it) without the husband ever hitting the escape button.

Adoption does Exist as a thing (though the extreme importance projected upon blood lineage (and particularly blood Heirs) makes many men more hesitant than is practical, the vast majority of adoptions occur when a man already has secured at least one biological heir). An adopted child is not considered a true blood relative, but rites surrounding adoption involve blood-sharing to establish the child as both legal and spiritual kin, and establishes standard familial obligations (this same sort of kinship rite is involved in marriage and sworn brotherhood). Opting for a divorce in the face of infertility tends to be Much more common than adoption, but the latter can fill all purely pragmatic functions needed of a child in marriage, and couples who are deeply attached to one another are likely to take this route.

[pancake-breakfast]

CW: Suicidal Ideation, Substance Abuse, Severe Depression, Body Horror

It really seems like Volume 6 of Trigun Maximum was about a lot of people trying to cope with Vash. We have Wolfwood, who has his experience with the Fifth Moon Incident plus his knowledge of Knives stacking onto all the reminders the Dragon's Nest gave him of what Vash is. We have Meryl, who ended up getting a megadose of Vash's memories and emotions at the same event, and must reconcile them with all of her own feelings toward Vash. Heck, even Knives spends a notable amount of time mulling over how each use of Vash's angel arm has brought Vash notably closer to death.

And then we have Vash himself. The king of false smiles hiding great sorrow. I've mentioned it before, but I'll say it again: the way Vash is coping with the return of his memories of July can easily be summed up as "not well." Heck, the way Vash is coping with being Vash could be summed up the same way.

And who could really blame him? Over the last two or three volumes, he has:

Realized he was the cause of death for thousands of people, including children, friends, and colleagues

Been reminded that he doesn't really know how to control his power and a slip-up can absolutely cost way more in lives than he's willing to pay

Held the hand of a dying man while knowing that any comfort he might try to bring with his right hand is too late to undo the pain he wrought with his angel arm, listening patiently as the man spits curses at him with his dying breaths

Seen one of his (few) friends slide into depression after seeing him release his angel arm

Had one of his other friends pull a gun on him while his back was turned and steadily aim it for his head

This would be a lot for most people, but for Vash, it's even worse. Vash's ideals mean the cost of even one human life is too high for him to justify taking it. In his mind, they're all his family, bequeathed to him by Rem via her death; to destroy one of them is to dishonor her memory and the bonds that bind him to them. Vash aches both for redemption for what Knives did in causing the Great Fall and for July. He also aches for connection, but has years of practicing not having it, trying to keep distance to keep others safe from him, and to keep himself safe from the possibility of their rejection should they realize what he is and what he's capable of.

The fact that Meryl, Milly, and Wolfwood seem to understand how dangerous it is to be around him and yet continue to follow him seems to be important to him...

...so how does a being who has put over a century of time and effort into protecting people, who may be able to read minds and can definitely key in on emotions deal with this:

The answer is, of course, not well. In fact, Vash decides to go with one of the more destructive forms of coping, choosing substance abuse as if he could just numb it all away to get a moment of escape.

This is probably one of the most upsetting images of Vash we the readers have seen thus far. We're removed from the danger of his angel arm, but too many of us have watched loved ones succumb to some form of substance abuse, or perhaps found ourselves sliding down that trail. To see him so upset that he's giving this path a shot is too real, and that adds a level distress to the gut-punch of seeing him this upset and casually trying to laugh it all off.

We've seen Vash drink before, but it was always in celebration. He breaks out his goofy drinking tie (from God knows where), ties it around his forehead, and allows himself to enjoy the company he's in, if only for a while. In fact, it seems like he might even be feigning his level of drunkenness in those scenes, as more than once we see him pop right up, seemingly sober as anything, when either no eyes are on him or when he senses danger.

But Nightow makes it very clear that's not the case this time. All through the fight where we see him slurping alcohol off his hand, his movements are uncanny. Vash, who usually puts so much work into trying to pass as human, is failing to do so.

This is first hinted at when his attacker compliments his dodging, but Nightow shows it to us some pages later. Vash flows through the panels at strange angles and takes poses that just don't quite feel right.

And then... he messes up.

Senses dulled, mind not fully in the game, and he fails to dodge a shot aimed right for his head. Instinct kicks in, and his body reacts before he realizes.

We haven't seen Vash swear much thus far in the manga, but he swears here. He might have saved himself (and anyone standing behind him) by catching that bullet with a part of his angel arm. In fact, this might be the first time he's had enough awareness during its deployment to see it used for something other than destruction or threat of destruction. But that's not where his thoughts go right now. Instead, they're on the crowd around him, because this tiny display of his power has irrevocably revealed him to be something that is most definitely not human.

Now, they see him as the monster he sees himself to be. He's laid bare before them. The threat of the bounty hunter and his posse is gone, not even referenced again in the chapter. The people want him dead. And to make matters worse, his friend Meryl is having a meltdown at the sight of him.

He knew it couldn't last, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Maybe if he hadn't been drunk or if things had gone differently in the Dragon's Nest or if...

There are a hundred thousand "maybe ifs" and "if onlys," but the chance for them to change has passed. He falls back on false smiles hiding great sorrow, hoping all his emotions will just melt together into an unfeeling mud.

[cienie-isengardu]

MK1 rant - Sektor's mother

*Attention, rant not spoiler free*

Keeping in mind it’s easy to criticize a worldbuilding when one was not involved in the creation process of it, I must say this - Netherrealm Studio lately is missing many potential, if not great opportunities to add a weight to connection between characters and in more general sense, layers to Liu Kang’s new Timeline. All, as I suspect, to keep the clear line between “good guys” and the “evil ones”. Which is quite a sad turn of events, as the worldbuilding presented so far is pretty nuanced and worth examining and building on. 

The latest missed opportunity is the choice of Sektor’s mother.

Sektor’s Bio put a great deal on her relationship with parents:

Sektor grew up immersed in Lin Kuei culture. Her mother was a leading warrior, her father was its Master Armorer. Sektor marveled at his flawless work. Apprenticing with him, she eventually surpassed her father's skills. When he retired, she took his place. But Sektor also wanted to honor her mother’s legacy. Now her vast knowledge of weaponry and her formidable martial skills make Sektor a kombatant like no other [...]

The presented intro dialogue between Sektor and Kuai Liang on twitter revealed that Madam Bo is in fact Sektor’s mother

Kuai Liang: You have dishonored Madame Bo. Sektor: Leave my mother out of this!

On one hand, Madam Bo trained Kung Lao and Raiden (and was going to test Raiden’s sister), so there is both connection between Lin Kuei and Liu Kang’s favorite Champions and an emotional impact, as she was forced to choose between duty to Fire Lord (and her “boys”) and her own daughter. Which is fine, surprising but not the worst possible choice. 

But lemme tell you this: imagine Sektor sharing the same mother with Bi-Han & Kuai Liang and the impact on Lin Kuei characters AND added layers to established previously lore.

For one, the original timeline stated Bi-Han had a younger brother (Kuai Liang) and youngest sister. With Sektor being a female now, this could nicely be a callback to ice brothers’ roots.

Secondly, Kuai Liang was established by his BIO as “Revered Lin Kuei Warrior”. The use of strong word as revered was suggesting Scorpion’s high position within the clan and/or him being admired by others members of Lin Kuei. Yet once Bi-Han broke the clan’s ties with Liu Kang/Earthrealm so far there was no mention of any Lin Kuei (beside Madam Bo?) choosing Scorpion over Sub-Zero. And logically thinking, there should be still plenty of people who served Kuai Liang’s father and shared his sense of duty. Sektor being, for lack of better terms, one of the “Lin Kuei Royal Family” would add a lot of weight to Kuai Liang’s statement: "You forget Cyrax and Sektor. Their loyalty to Bi-Han is absolute. They'll sooner abet his corruption than follow me."? As in: explaining why Sektor hold so strong influence over their people, developing more inner politics of the clan and expanding the family matters. Both to the biological siblings and to Tomas, especially his status within said family. If he was adopted into a clan that deeply cares for blood ties, does he have any political role/duties, or is he wholly excluded from the line of succession, leaving it only to Bi-Han and Kuai Liang & Sektor?

Thirdly, as Bi-Han was already implied to have a close bond with Sektor (MK1 Sub-Zero’s ending) and Sektor’s BIO confirms she is Bi-Han’s a “kindred spirit”, we could have a great sibling duo (supportive big brother Bi-Han and his loyal, eager to make him proud younger sister Sektor) and an interesting parallel to relationship of Bi-Han & Tomas or Kuai Liang & Tomas.

Fourthly, Sektor wishing to honor her mother while joining Bi-Han and supporting their clan’s independence would nicely fit Sub-Zero's statement that “mother would applaud [his actions].” Simultaneously, again we could have a better look on Lin Kuei inner matters and how the dislike for duty to Earthrealm/doing Liu Kang’s bidding didn’t come out of nowhere, but was a process already in motion. Sektor and Bi-Han being the product of their mother's ambitions and/or independence streak could add new layers to their characters. The same as Kuai Liang (and presumablyTomas) is the product of his father’s high sense of duty to Earthrealm.

Also, any opportunity to bring Bi-Han’s mother into the story is a bonus point to the lore, because that woman deserves recognition for her desperate attempt to save her children from Lin Kuei. And if NRS is so set to make Lin Kuei so “bloodties” oriented, they could turn Sektor and Bi-Han into siblings to A) spare me any worry about any potential romance between those two characters and B) add hilariously to the Kuai Liang & Sektor’s never ending conflict seen through the majority of old and new lore. 

I guess everything would be better in Mortal Kombat if NRS didn’t catch allergy to nuanced and morally gray characters… because Bi-Han could easily fall into that (and worldbuilding wise, could be seen like that) and so could Sektor, and their potential mother with ambition to cut ties with Liu Kang for good.

[lambourngb]

good fences make good neighbors

Commiseration Tuesday

With AO3 temporarily down, lots of us are sad at not being able to read when we wanted to! With that in mind, I’m taking the opportunity to invite you guys to share a little something from a WIP to keep us going through the downtime! Preferably something we haven’t shared before, but whatever works for you! Tagged by @ravens-words​ - thank you! I am working on an exchange fic, so I can’t share that, but I can share a WIP that I had before then...

ICEMAV - Set just after 1986 - based on a prompt where Mav and Ice are roommates and they have noisy neighbors. mentions of period-typical homophobia, and some misunderstandings ....

4400 words currently, but unfinished.

***

It was the third time that week.

Maverick stared sightless up at the plain white ceiling, tracing the cracks in the plaster while he listened to his next-door neighbors, Wolf and Hollywood, do their best to medal in the sex noise Olympics. It would be one thing if they decided to do this during the early evening hours when Mav could raise the volume on the ball game enough to drown out the moans and rhythmic thumping, but apparently, no one had any excess energy *right* after a work day. Instead, the second wind came at 2 am.

Again, the third time in the week, and it was only Tuesday. Christ.

Mav swung his legs out of bed, abandoning his attempts at sleep. Tomorrow's seminar on flight instructor certification was going to be rough, but judging from his recent experience, and god did he hate that he had this knowledge, the next-door noise had only just gotten started. It would be at least an hour before things quieted down again.

He met his own roommate in the dimly lit kitchen. Ice's face was flat with annoyance.

"Woke you up too?" Mav asked stupidly because, of course, it did. Ice was completely by the book and subscribed to the minimum of eight hours of sleep during the week; only the noise of Hollywood and Wolf would have had him in the kitchen nursing a warm bottle of Budweiser.

"I bet if I reported them to the brass, it would stop," Ice muttered darkly before pushing a chair open for Mav with his foot and nodding toward the open six-pack on the table.

"Well, just means they would be annoying their fellow prison cellmates with this instead of us." Mav traded a tired smile with Ice, both of them secure in the knowledge that reporting Hollywood and Wolf was completely out of the question. A few sleepless nights was a small price to pay for them, a momentary annoyance; a complaint about the two pilots breaking the UCMJ with each other would have them both dishonorably discharged and likely imprisoned. In fact, because it *was* Mav and Ice sharing a wall in their base housing duplex was probably the only reason the couple felt safe enough to make any noise in the first place.

Still. It was one thing that their friends had a feeling of safety knowing they would never be turned in, it was becoming clear there was also ... a level of shamelessness going on next door.

Mav knuckled the gritty feeling of fatigue out of his eyes, "What I don't understand is ... how do they even have the energy? We're logging four hours in the cockpit and six in the classroom during this new certification session, and I think Jester has become even more sadistic in his teaching since we graduated from Top Gun. I can barely make it through the evening news at the end of the day, let alone want to do..."

He paused, and then they both heard the enthusiastic beat of a bed frame from next door, and the loud tempo of 'Oh god, oh fuck' soundtrack. "That."

"Are you admitting to a lack of stamina, Mitchell?" Ice smirked, his usual cool expression curving into an even more familiar expression of mocking Mav. At least now, there was only humor in Ice's blue eyes instead of the dislike from when they first met.

"What?! No, there's nothing wrong with my stamina; I have zero complaints about that. I'm just saying... those idiots have been together for years, how are they still... like that?"

This time Ice looked away, taking a long slow draw from his beer. The oven light and microwave clock hid most of the details, but Mav knew him pretty well now, he could sense the discomfort in the question. "I wouldn't know. My longest relationship lasted through the holiday break during the Academy."

"Are we talking two days of Christmas or the eight nights of Hanukkah?"

"The former...and believe me, my mother despairs of me."

Mav laughed and held out his beer to clink against Ice's in solidarity over their sad love lives. "Well, you beat me. My streak is six weeks, give or take." 

He wasn't even sure if he could count the time between Hop 31 and getting cleared to fly again as time spent with Charlie, most of that was a blank in his memory of grief and intense accident investigation prep work. Top Gun was an 8-week combat school session, in between finally scoring a date with Charlie and getting dumped for the Washington job two weeks after the Layton rescue, six weeks was probably generous. Maybe he should count Penny instead, add up his assorted weekends with her after meeting her in flight school when her father was overseeing Pensacola. Four years, six weekends.

"I always beat you," Ice reminded him, annoying as always in his precision, with the memory of last year between them. 

Mav had no idea where the Top Gun trophy was, only that he was a little surprised that it wasn’t displayed prominently in their quarters, especially after Ice had found out who his roommate was at the beginning of the session. 

Actually a lot of Mav’s presumptions about Ice and what he would be like to live with had not come true. Neatness was a rule, but there were no white glove inspections of Mav’s room and only the drollest reminder to throw out the carryout containers after a few days, and they both agreed to keep the women at the O-Club. After all, the curriculum to qualify as a Top Gun instructor was difficult enough, without complicating it with a clingy boat chaser or pilot groupie that stalked the bars around Miramar. As it turned out, as straight-laced as Ice was in his job, he was surprisingly relaxed about the apartment. Mav had even expected some sort of judgment from Ice about his sparse civilian wardrobe or his cheap generic toiletries from the exchange, but there was nothing. 

Other than the old joke about who was the better pilot, Ice was a generous and easy-going roommate. Most of the time he put up a token protest about Ice’s winning streak (1 out 1 in competitions) but he was too tired to argue tonight. 

Instead, he flashed a smile at Ice, letting his shit-eating grin say everything for him. Ice rolled his eyes in turn, but maybe he was tired too, allowing the subject to drop without a further jibe.

The thumps and sounds were slowly winding down, and Maverick picked up their empty bottles to take to the trash. He yawned, and gestured to the side where Wolf and Hollywood were staying, “I do appreciate that they feel safe here, what I don’t appreciate is the timing of it. I almost yawned in Viper’s face during the flight log review today because of them.”

Ice’s eyes crinkled at the admission, but he was kind enough not to laugh at least. He put the rest of the six pack back in the fridge and then wiped the table down with a papertowel, leaving the kitchen pristine again. “I agree. Their timing could be better, or at least quieter, and I guess I’m only a little jealous of them.”

“Why, because they’re getting laid?”

“No,” Ice drawled, without an eyeroll this time, “because they found each other. I might not have had a long-term relationship before, but I’m not opposed to the idea. Wood and Wolf, while I know they have to hide their relationship, at least they can talk about their jobs without boring the other person, or worse, spending the evening explaining acronyms. That kinda sounds nice to me.”

Then it had to be a trick of shadow, or the thin draperies by the window, but Mav suddenly had the impression that Ice was *blushing* after that confession. His mind spun over the possibilities, was that something that his wingman was interested in, and with whom, only a few people could possibly check that narrow set of boxes. Certainly not any of the women at the O-Club, unless Ice had his eye on someone Mav didn’t know. Pensacola had been graduating women for at least ten years, though not many in fixed-wing operations. He shook his head, deciding that he must have imagined that. Iceman was way too controlled to blush. 

He realized he was staring just then, and was standing too close to Ice in the dimly lit kitchen. Rushing to cover for his shameful preoccupation, Mav rubbed the back of his head and scoffed. “Yeah, sure it sounds nice, but I can’t really imagine it being realistic. At least not for me.” 

Ice said nothing in response, not even to make fun of Mav, he just brushed past him to leave the kitchen. The quiet in their apartment had been restored, it was time to attempt sleep again. 

As Mav waited to fall back asleep he realized that another presumption that he had about Ice had fallen completely flat. Ice might have been robotic in his flying at time, but the man was also a secret romantic. 

*

Two nights later it happened again. The thin walls transcribe nearly every movement and every breathless gasp from Wolfman and Hollywood.

Mav sat up in bed with a loud groan of annoyance as the ‘Oh oh, yes!’ chorus started up again. His textbook that he had fallen asleep reading slipped off his lap onto the floor with a loud thump, and then he crashed into his nightstand after overbalancing in his attempt to reach it. The nightstand hit the wall, and Mav yelped loudly in pain.

There was a pause and a giggle from the shared wall and then a loud shushing noise.

He rubbed his elbow, retrieving the textbook from the floor. Thank god blessed silence, Mav thought as the quiet extended past a few minutes, before pushing up from the floor to crawl back in bed.

Except the respite was brief, and the rocking movements of the headboard.

Mav groaned again, even more annoyed by them now. 

There was another spell of quiet, and suddenly, he realized what was going on. Wolf and Wood were listening to him. “Oh you fucking pervs,” Mav whispered to himself, and then shrugged. Maybe it was time for them to get a taste of their own medicine. He got on his knees and grabbed the plain headboard with one hand, then started to rock his hips in motion until the mattress squeaked in time with his efforts.

Boom, boom, boom, he knocked the headboard into the wall, while the mattress made obliging sounds with it. Mav pinched his thumb between the wall and the bed, pulling a loud cry of pain from his lips. Despite the circumstances that gave him an idea, it was the sound that was missing from his production. He moaned and cried loudly, until his muscles started to burn with the exertion.

Had it been long enough? How long did he have to do this? He didn’t want to be teased for being an early finisher if he quit too early-

Out of caution, Mav gave a few more minutes of his best performance without laughing, then he let out a satisfied whimper for his audience. 

It was silent next door. Maybe they were both voyeurs and got off to the noise and idea of someone else getting laid. Whatever the reason, Mav laid flat on his bed and fell asleep quickly in the renewed quiet. His last thought was smug, he had silenced the neighbors in half of the time and all it cost him was a bruised thumb.

* 

The next day was strange. It was Friday, and Mav woke up with a smile on his face. The class had an early morning test before they were all dismissed for the weekend, practically a three day holiday. He had studied the night before thoroughly and felt prepared, his sleep had only been disturbed briefly thanks to his ingenuity, and the weather was beautiful, perfect for an afternoon at the beach. Everything was coming up aces for him.

Except for one thing. Well, one person. Ice.

Never a chatty person in the morning without caffeine, Ice was downright monosyllabic on Friday. He nodded to Mav in the kitchen, taking his coffee back to his room with a brief return of Mav’s greeting of ‘Good morning’ and then he left for class before Mav was dressed from his shower, instead of sharing the walk to the hanger with him. 

Hollywood and Wolf on the other hand were all smiles and jokes that morning, elbowing each other and laughing whenever Mav came near them. He had chocked their behavior up to being a pair of immature pervs, even if they were madly in love with each other, and he had dismissed it completely. 

Ice’s behavior was a little harder to puzzle out.

His uniform was perfectly pressed, and his gold pen was still in his hand while they waited for the test to be passed out to the class. No sign of the lazy, hypnotic twirl that Ice was prone to do. It was as if every inch of him was locked down and under complete control. A complete 1-180 from how they first encountered each other. It was then that Mav realized that the pen-flipping and gum chewing were all signs of Ice being comfortable and at ease with his environment, and why wouldn’t he had been during TOPGUN, his skills had him in first place on day one, and everyone else had to play catch up, Mav included. Not today. A statue had more warmth and movement than Ice did. Mav tried to catch his eye from across the room, but Ice seemed to be deeply interested in front of the classroom and never acknowledged Mav.

That was also new.

“This might be a short day, gentlemen, but this test will determine whether you have the proficiency to teach the theories of aerial combat to incoming Top Gun classes. I hope you all studied hard,” Jester said from the podium with the tests in hand.

Hollywood smothered a laugh after Wolfman kicked the back of his chair.

“Something to add, Lt. Neven?” 

“No sir, we all studied hard. Some of us went at it a little harder than others last night,” Hollywood answered, almost respectfully. Mav noticed that Ice’s shoulders seemed to tighten and a red flush was spreading over Ice’s ear as he stared straight ahead completely stone-faced. The rest of the room was used to Hollywood running his mouth, nearly everyone rolled their eyes at the innuendo.

Mav had the strange feeling that he was missing something. Ice’s knuckles were white where he clutched his pen when just the other day that type of remark would have had him trading long-suffering looks with Mav. They knew better than anyone what Hollywood was referring to as the unlucky neighbors. However his musings were cut off by the appearance of the test. There would be time to figure out his wingman later, Mav reasoned, first he needed to make sure he didn’t wash out of the training program because of a stupid written exam.

The previous hard work the night before in studying was at least well rewarded. He confidently wrote in the answers to the open-ended questions and circled the appropriate bubbles during the multiple choice sections, hardly needing to pause to remember the correct information. Mav had to hide a smile as he reached the end of the exam, and noticed that Viper had updated the scenario with the MiG and inverted tanks. Finishing the test with a flourish, Mav stood at almost the same time as Ice did, both of them were the first to turn in their exams. 

He rushed to the front of the classroom, mostly with grace and slapped down his test in front of Jester with a smug celebration for being the first. Jester raised his eyebrows at the display, and placed the completed test to the side with an exaggerated gesture of patience. Mav turned his head to see if Ice was bothered by finishing second, only to watch him walk slowly and unhurriedly to the front, seemingly without a care. 

Like Mav was the only one who was competing. Like Mav wasn’t even worth competing with.

He was definitely missing *something* when it came to Ice. Well, as a pilot, Mav was well-trained in the dogged-pursuit of a bogie; putting his wingman in his sights was easy. Target acquired time to move in for the easy kill.

Or at least it should have been easy. Mav waited just outside of the classroom doors for Ice. 

Ice took one step out of the hanger, then caught sight of him, he then made a text-book perfect dress-right move away from him in an obvious attempt at avoidance. Ice must have been in charge of drill formations for his brigade at the academy, Mav mused to himself before jogging to catch up to match Ice’s long strides down toward the housing block. Something was definitely up with him.

Deciding to start with the obvious, Mav fell breathlessly in step with him, “Hey, so how do you think you did on the test? Not as bad as we thought, right?”

“Fine,” Ice gritted out without looking over at him.

“Just fine? I think I aced it,” Mav continued, undeterred by the short response. “Did you see the question about the inverted tanks? I feel like perhaps my name should have been cited as a resource there, since it was my intel from the Enterprise-”  he paused to see if Ice reacted to that, and was met with a clenched jaw but nothing else. “I guess we will find out on Monday if they wash any of us out for being too stupid to teach here. It’s not like the ASVAB where you get thirty points for spelling your name right, although yours was probably a challenge, Kazansky.”

“Right.”

There was no way that Ice was worried about failing out of the program, Mav thought, but maybe he was wrong about that. It was barely ten am, and there was almost three days before the results would be ready, maybe what Ice needed was a distraction. 

“Listen, it’s early enough, why don’t we hit the beach, scout out the best location before the rest of our class finishes up. Maybe it’s time for another rematch in volleyball,-”

“No, thank you,” Ice replied firmly.

The response was polite on the surface, but completely cold. Mav blinked, and realized that they were back at their shared quarters. Instead of moving toward his bedroom to remove his uniform for the long weekend, Ice was packing a slim carrying case with his textbooks and notes. His movements were smooth and unhurried under Mav’s stare, as if Mav wasn’t even there in the room with him.

He had tried subtle, but that had rarely worked for him, so Mav got straight to the point. “Is something wrong?” 

Ice didn’t pause after zipping the case up, even though his hands flexed on the supple leather. “No, nothing is wrong.”

“Are you sure? Because if I pissed you off, it wasn’t deliberate-”

Ice straightened, holding the case in his right hand. He was still the consummate officer, his left hand was free to salute, as he flicked his gaze over to Maverick for the first time all day. Up and down, without a hint of his thoughts on his face as Mav shifted anxiously under it. Whatever he saw on Mav, it must not have been interesting as he executed another precise pivot away from Mav. “You didn’t, I just don't have time for you right now, Mitchell.”

Dismissed. 

Mav thought about what Goose had said during that first night at the O-Club about Ice, “he wears you down, you get bored, frustrated, do something stupid and he's got ya-” somehow without Mav becoming aware of it, Ice had gotten lock on him and had fired, echoing the words of disinterested foster parents and bored peers who hadn’t cared to hear his teenage-mouth runoff about planes and the Navy in that dead end town.

Ice had his back to him thankfully for Mav’s ego, he was too intent on leaving the small duplex and missed the devastation left in his wake, calling out a belated, “Later, Mitchell,” over his shoulder. 

Still precise and polite, even after leaving a knife inside Mav. 

*

Time played games with Mav after that, slipping away in hours before lingering painfully over the last few minutes with Ice. He was somewhat aware of movement outside the door, a knock and call from Wolfman, some offer about the beach, but it felt unimportant to Mav. One thing was clear, he had not imagined the tension in Ice that morning and then the sudden dismissal after the test solidified that into fact. 

He had done something wrong, something that had killed the blossoming friendship between them after the Layton rescue. He had no idea what it could be, but he was a little too familiar with this type of confusion after having experienced it before as a kid. He remembered how it went back then, foster parents that were excited to welcome a son into their family, with wide smiles and effusive hugs always seemed to slip into cold, disapproving strangers because of something Mav had done.

There was even a particular look they would get after making the decision to return him to foster care, but before the social worker could find the next placement. With the brief return of the wide empty smiles, everyone would act nice, but behind it was the peace of knowing it would be just temporary and he would soon be someone else’s problem. 

Ice had found his limit with him; apparently, he was now cooly polite to Mav and obviously avoiding him. Maybe he had reached his own decision about Mav, there was no social worker for Ice to call to pick Mav up, but there were transfer orders and reassignments instead. 

He’s waiting to finish the teaching certification and then he’ll be headed back to sea, away from Miramar, Mav realized dully. They would finish the program qualified to be instructors, but not together. Somewhere along the line after Ice had signed up for the class with him, he had pictured sharing an office with him at Top Gun, taking up new pilots and bickering over paperwork, turning that bond they had from the Indian Ocean into something… more. 

Mav had never felt more stupid in his life, he suddenly understood why his stomach had clenched when Ice had confessed being a little jealous of Hollywood and Wolfman having found each other. “I might not have had a long-term relationship before, but I’m not opposed to the idea.” He was jealous, because he now realized that he wanted that too, with Ice. 

He swallowed the sour taste in his mouth and stood up from their couch, suddenly aware that hours had passed and he had done nothing to fix whatever he had done to piss Ice off. The key to convincing someone to keep him around had always revolved around being useful to them. He had learned early on that certain home placements had lasted longer when he accepted the bulk of household chores, then later on, he had ensnared Nick Bradshaw’s lifelong friendship when he had volunteered for newborn diaper duty with baby Bradley. Hell, even Charlie had hung around for his knowledge of the MiG, which was all very useful to her career prospects in Washington. 

Now how could he be useful to Ice, and make up for whatever he did to alienate the other man?

The quarters they shared were still neat, as per Ice’s original request but maybe he also meant he wanted them to be clean? That he could do.

*

It was almost eleven when Mav heard the key scrape in the lock that signaled Ice’s return. 

He kept his attention on the baseball game, long since placed on mute after the sound of the announcers had started to scrape over his anxiety. Ice flipped on the lights, causing him to blink owlishly at the brightness, his eyes having long since grown used to the dim light of the television.

“Sorry,” Ice apologized, still polite and courteous. “I didn’t think you’d be back.”

Mav glanced over at him before returning his attention to the game, even though he had no idea how his team was up by four. That confirmed another suspicion, Ice had stayed away until now because he wanted to avoid him. He hated it when his suspicions were proven correct. “Never left.”

He could see out of his periphery that his admission seemed to halt Ice in his tracks to the kitchen. It was just temporary, he recovered and continued to the small alcove to retrieve a beer from the fridge after placing his leather case on the small card table that masqueraded as a kitchen table. The sounds were familiar to Mav, the hiss of the refrigerator door, the snap of the bottle cap, the careful clink of Ice throwing the cap away in the trash, instead of tossing it carelessly like the rest of their class.

It all sounded normal, except for the bounds of tension that were looped around his chest. 

A ball was hit to the outfield, and Mav watched as it arched higher and higher over the desperate reach of a desperate center fielder. He blinked, realizing belatedly that his team had allowed the opponent to tie up the game. It was the bottom of the ninth, if his team held it they would have another shot at winning, but if they slipped it was all over. That, at least, felt familiar to Mav. 

“You cleaned,” Ice said, stating the obvious with a small wrinkle of confusion on his face as he took a seat next to Mav on the couch. His blue eyes scanned the room, noting each small change, like the rug was freshly beaten, the wood floors swept, the scent of lemon oil in the air. 

Mav pulled his attention away from the game and tried to read his expression, looking for some sign of approval or disapproval. Damnit, he was twenty-five years old, and somehow he had found a time portal back to 1973, eleven years old and wondering if he had cleaned the house well enough to avoid being sent back. For the first time since Ice had brushed him off, he felt the lick of anger at himself for being this weak. 

“I did.”

[anti-katsuki-lounge]

Can you make a top for the MHA fights? From your favorites to your least favorites.

You can take the coreography, narrative weight (the stakes behind and or clashing ideals) and logic behind them (by this i mean if the winner makes sense or not)

There’s a lot of fights in MHA so I’m just going to focus on my top 5 faves/least faves.

Favorites:

1. Shoto vs Izuku: if any fight could summarize the central theme of MHA it’s this one. I loved seeing Izuku break down Shoto’s walls, I loved seeing Shoto let loose and actually smile for the first time, and I loved how Izuku sacrificed a pretty easy win because he saw someone who was hurting and wanted to help them. 

2. All Might vs Nomu: This is a fight that’s just pure fun. Sure, it was a slugfest between All Might and Nomu, but it was a hype one. I liked seeing All Might find a way to defeat an opponent who seems unbeatable.

3. Hawks vs Twice: as I’ve mentioned before, this is a wonderful and heart wrenching fight. Something people don’t notice is that Hawks was actually trying to save Twice. He gave Twice numerous outs and even mentioned that he sees good in him. However, Twice’s loyalty to his friends made him refuse to go to the good side. Hawks, having been trained by the HPSC to be nothing more than a weapon, proved that he was more than that. Twice himself, someone who was constantly seen as an unstable freak, showed us that not everyone who’s bad was born bad. In the end, Hawks put down Twice because he legitimately saw no other way to end the fight.

4. Stain vs Tenya, Izuku, and Shoto: A fantastic fight that shows off Izuku’s true heroic nature and Shoto’s growth while also serving as a great teaching lesson for Tenya.

5. All Might vs AFO: A great fight to end the first set of arcs of MHA. I don’t really have much to say outside of that.

Honorable mentions go to Overhaul vs Izuku, Ejiro going into unbreakable mode for the first time, and Tamaki vs Three of the Eight Bullets.

Least favorite fights (not really going to explain them in detail cause if you’ve read my blog you’d know why I hate these fights):

1. Katsuki vs AFO: Katsuki’s plot armor breaks new grounds as he wakes up from having his arm broken and his heart blown out with no injures, gets a BS quirk awakening, and manages to defeat AFO because the villain was too stupid and didn’t get rid of rewind after he was fully healed.

2. Kacchan vs Deku 2: Katsuki gets his dick sucked for the billionth time while he beats on his victim, ignoring that Izuku was grieving All Might’s retirement too.

3. Kacchan vs Deku 1: Katsuki’s first dick sucking session begins as he’s somehow able to change fighting styles midway through combat despite having no formal training. He was also aiming to essentially torture Izuku and fired off an explosion that would’ve seriously injured, if outright not killed him. Of course, since Hori loves Katsuki, he only gets told to grow up.

4. Katsuki’s fight in the Joint Training Arc: Oh look, a failed attempt at showing that Katsuki’s developed in any meaningful way. Also, let’s watch Hori wank off his favorite again.

5. Katsuki vs Ochako: a failed attempt at displaying a pro-feminism message by Hori because it amounts to another dick sucking session for Katsuki.

Dishonorable mentions go to any fight Katsuki’s in because they’re always Katsuki dick sucking sessions, Hitoshi vs Izuku because Hitoshi’s hypocritical bitch ass was annoying to watch even when Izuku was kicking his ass, and Ochako vs Yui (this one’s cause I’m petty af and as even though I like Ochako, we Stan Yui in this house and she had a higher skill stat so I would’ve liked for her to at least put up a fight)

[reds-skull]

Post script on BLOOD||HUNGER

OOOkay, like I said in the ask I got earlier, this post is gonna be LONG. I’ll be covering the poems at the start (and sometimes end) of each chapter, the source of inspiration for them, the timeline of the fic compared to canon, deleted scenes and maybe most importantly the true identity of the Hunter.

I’d like to say before I start rambling that I appreciate each and every one of you that commented, liked and gave kudos! It really means a lot to me, that you’re here reading my silly little stories haha.

I’m gonna start with the beginning - how I started thinking about the main plot of BLOOD||HUNGER.

So, I kept thinking about the Alone mission in mw2 (as we all do), but thinking about “what if Soap was a civilian in Las Almas when it happened?”

(This is slightly inspired by this fic by TRaena, which I read months earlier and kept thinking about its setup because it was so damn good. I highly suggest reading it!)

So originally, I imagined a whole plot where Soap is a football player, having a vacation in Las Almas when Graves suddenly attacks. Ghost is in the 141 like in canon, but he’s the one that gets shot in the shoulder. The two of them meet, and because Ghost is injured, and Soap is stranded alone in a foreign country, they decide to fight together to get out.

In that original plot, Soap continues sticking by Ghost throughout the campaign, creating distractions for Rudy and Ghost while they rescue the vaqueros, and getting kidnapped by Hassan where he gets dangled over a window in Chicago and Ghost saves him. As you can tell I thought about that version quite a bit, but I made one change that moved it in the direction of the actual story I ended up writing.

What if Soap was dishonorably discharged instead?

That trait changed his entire character, from a guy that got dropped into a war where he has no experience fighting, to someone that is bitterly familiar with it, yet he was exiled from participating. And yet it followed him.

Ghost’s character is actually inspired by who I originally thought he was, when I first saw the mw2 campaign.

See, I first watched my friend play it, and he’s been playing cod since the original mw. He built Ghost up for my like he’s this op guy (which he is), and when he said that he’s been doing guerilla warfare for years in Alone, I thought to myself ‘was this guy just running around fighting with scarp, when the British Military just… decide to pick him up and make him a soldier since he was so good at it??’

I didn’t know about any previous campaigns, and obviously not about ‘09 Ghost’s backstory. Straight up thought he was just some weirdo the SAS recruited because they went ‘why the hell not’.

Now, let’s get to the timeline differences between B||H and canon.

So, like mentioned in chapter 5, the reason Soap got dishonorably discharged was because he killed Makarov on the helo when they were exfiling with him, as seen in a mission on mw3. Soap shot him, by the way, because Price and Ghost weren’t on that mission. He didn’t respect his COs enough to not succumb to his gut reactions, so he ignored them. Because mw3 takes place in 2023 (if I remember correctly, since mw2 took place in 2022), that happened in 2019, and I specifically put it before the formation of the 141. When Soap and Gaz meet for the first time, as Ghost reveals his true identity, Soap mentions he didn’t know Gaz was in the 141, and that was the reason.

Price did want Soap on the 141, even with his track of insubordination. It was another reason he felt bad about his discharge.

I put Ghost’s capture by Roba and torture in 2009. He managed to run away and kill Roba in 2010. B||H takes place one year after Soap killed Makarov, meaning it’s 2020, so Ghost has been a mercenary for about a decade (as is mentioned in one line).

Ghost tried initially, like I wrote, to avoid fighting. He didn’t want to return to the military. After discovering his family was killed, however, he realized he has nothing. And so, he became a merc.

Which brings us to the last difference between canon and the fic (and the biggest one) - the Hunter. And to explain the Hunter, I have to first talk about the poems.

I’ll say it straight up, I have no clue what made me come up with the idea of the poems. One day, right before I was going to sleep, I shot up in bed and wrote down one poem. I put my phone down and instantly fell asleep. No idea what was rattling in my brain that night, but in the days afterwards I wrote down a few more poems, establishing the story of the Blind Man and the Beast.

Those poems I wrote in my notes app weren’t written in the same format as the ones in the fic, instead they are more… modern. I didn’t like that, I wanted them to emulate the format of a classic fairy tale or folk tale, but I didn’t really know how to write that. So I started doing research, and I decided to focus specifically on Medieval English poetry.

That is where I found the Exeter Book. And that find shaped the entirety of the fic.

Small history lesson on the Exeter, it is a codex of Middle English poems and riddles from the 10th century. Most of the poems are older than that, but the first (sometimes only) appearance of them written in text was in the 10th century.

The first poem I found a translation for and read was “The Wanderer”. The name just jumped out for me, so I chose it first.

The Wanderer is a poem that is basically a monologue of an exiled knight. His lord and companions have died in a past battle, and he now roams the land, with no goal, pondering the nature of men and war. He starts the poem as a melancholic, frankly depressed man, with pessimistic views on the world, and by the end he is referred to as the wise man, learning the values a man must keep close to his heart in order to be a good man.

Soap, as he is a sort of exiled fighter, fitted right in with that poem. Honestly, I was shocked at how much it fit. And so, he is based on that poem, the first word in the fic “often”, is the first word of “The Wanderer”.

Often, in The Wanderer, means “always”, according to the translation I was going off of. The first line of The Wanderer is “Often the solitary one”. In truth, The Wanderer is always the solitary one. The first line of the first chapter (not in the poem), is “Often was Soap told, “stop trying to be the hero, MacTavish.””. Often here, also meant to be “always”. The first line of the first poem, “Often were the stars, the only witness to me”, is in the same vein.

After reading a few poems, I moved on to the riddles. A lot of them are quite odd, some having innuendos on purpose, and some having such a weird answer I honestly have no idea how anyone found the actual solution. One riddle jumped out for me, though. It’s one I refer to as “the sword riddle”, as the answer is sword. Or at least, so it seems so, at first.

See, this riddle has possibly a different solution, but it is unfinished in the Exeter, as some pages seemed to be missing. The sword riddle starts out as follows: “I’m a wonderful thing   shaped for fighting/beautifully dressed,    dear to my master.” (sidenote: many riddles were in first person). The first half of the riddle continues similarly, as is a sword was explaining its victories in battle, and how it protracted its master. Except, the poem suddenly shifts, when the sword says:“I have often hurt another/at the hands of his friend. I am far and wide hated, /accursed among weapons.” as the riddle progresses, it becomes clear that this is not a sword talking, but a knight.

This riddle was the basis for Ghost, his struggles with his failure as a Lieutenant, and the resulting dehumanization he did to himself to distance himself from those emotions, as Ghost. The first lines of his introduction chapter, chapter 2, are inspired directly from the sword riddle: “It was an extraordinary thing - shaped for fighting, a strong, solid body, adorned with black…”

You can actually at some chapters find my direct inspiration for that chapter’s poem/s, if you look at the names. Every chapter name in B||H is taken from a poem or riddle in the Exeter, and I’ll list them here:

1 - Wræclast (Path of Exile): The Wanderer, line 6a.

2 - The Death-way: The Seafarer, one specific possible interpretation of a word in line 63, onwælweg.

3 - The Ruin: The Ruin, the poem is in reference to the church Soap and Ghost fight their way out of.

4 - Vainglory: Vainglory.

5 - Hell Rising: a line from “The Descent into Hell”, from a translation I don’t really like, but it’s the only complete one I found.

6 - Droops and Decays: The Wanderer, line 63a.

7 - Wont of Devils: The Whale, towards the end.

8 - Accursed Among Weapons: the sword riddle, line 16.

9 - The Downfall of Kinsmen: The Wanderer, line 7a.

10 - A Secret Disease: The Rhyming Poem, from a specific translation I chose.

11 - The Battle-Sick: Wulf and Eadwacer, again specific translation, this website has a weird format that might be broken, but it kinda makes the poem feel different, and I liked it. [Here's the Wiki for it]

12 - The Bearer of Gold: this one is from a fragmented riddle, one where the answer can’t be determined.

13 - The Song of Us: Wulf and Eadwacer, same translation.

14 - Famous Fate: The Wanderer, 100a. The translation notes this means “turn of events”.

15 - Where All Permanence Rests: The Wanderer, 119a, the last line in the poem.

To properly see all the little tidbits I took from each poem, I’ll have to explain each one, and probably also paste it here so you can read. I would if that hadn't taken five years to do, and I want to talk about other stuff haha. But I just wanted to list the ones I did reference.

So, now that I’ve explained how the poems are referenced in the main fic… what about the poems I wrote?

Obviously, the first poem references The Wanderer, just as the first lines in the fic do. But what is the story of the poems?

Blooede Starvatfōre-dēde, a fictional codex I made for the fic, is a book similar to the Exeter, collecting stories from the 10th century. Except, unlike the Exeter, all the poems in the book tell the story of the same characters: the Blind Man, the Beast, and the hunter (not to be confused with the Hunter, capital H, which refers to the character in the main plot). Blooede Starvatfōre-dēde, by the way, meaning “Blood Starvation” in Middle English. Or, Blood Hunger.

Blooede Starvatfōre-dēde does exist in the world of B||H, Soap, Ghost and the others are simply not familiar with it. I had a plot for the story in the poems I wrote, which is in direct parallel to the main story in the fic. In fact, some poems spoil some plot points, if you go back to read them after you finish the chapter they were in.

Like I mentioned in the ask I got today, I’m not sure how much, if anyone, really understood what’s going on with the poems. I honestly don’t know if it was clear, I never have anyone beta my writing, unfortunately. So, I’m going to explain the story told in the poems, and how it connects to the main plot.

I’ll be explaining the poems in the order they appear (not always the order of the book itself, as noted by the page numbers on each poem).

The Blind Man is a fallen knight (sidenote: the Beast never refers to the Blind Man with that name, and he usually calls him Fallen Knight), who lost his mates and Lord in battle, the same battle that took his eyesight. He roams the earth with no destination, simply mourning what he used to have.

The Beast starts out as a terror on a road leading to a village. The trader that first meets him decides to go to a different road, and the young girl is so afraid of him, she turns back. All the village people fear the Beast, for they know how it terrorized others in the past. The Beast at present, however, is mostly docile.

The Blind Man bumps into the Beast, while he walks on his road. The Blind Man apologizes, explains how he lost his sight in battle, and asks the Beast kindly to move. The Beast does, but he also asks the Blind Man (the Fallen Knight), if he could let him follow, as the Beast too doesn’t have a goal or destination. The Blind Man agrees.

The Trader sees the Blind Man walk with the Beast, and he worries about him, as he thinks the Blind Man didn’t realize he’s walking alongside a Beast. The Blind Man asks the Beast if he plans on hurting him - to which the Beast answers, if the Blind Man finds that the Beast pushes him on a path of death, he asks the Blind Man to kill him.

The Beast, at a later point, asks the Blind Man why isn’t he afraid of him. The Blind Man answers, that he doesn’t believe in monsters, he believes in mankind, to be kind, and cruel. For him, there is not such thing as monsters.

A knight, who once fought besides the Blind Man, spots him alongside the Beast, and he stops them both, threatening the Beast to leave the Blind Man alone. The Blind Man assures the knight, that the Beast is calm, it doesn’t hurt him. The knight asks, how come the blind lead the sinner, and the Blind Man replies, that when all other paths are unavailable, sometimes only the blind can truly lead.

The Blind Man asks the Beast what is his true name. The Beast answers, that Beast is the only name they know. The Blind Man insists that it is only the name the village people call him, and the Beast repeats his answers. It is then that the Blind Man decides he will name the Beast himself, with deeds this time, and not words. He is telling the Beast he can be defined by more than his past, than his looks. The Beast asks how, and the Blind Man answers, with ferocious will to mark yourself with actions yet to come.

At this junction, they meet a man called “the hunter”, who announces that this land is infested with many Beasts, and if one wished to do good in the world, they must kill them. It is why he, the hunter, slays such creatures. He asks how could the Blind Man protect such evil, to which the Blind Man answers, that the Beast is no more different than a man than he is. The hunter accepts the answer, but comes to the conclusion that they’re both Beasts.

One day, the Blind Man asks to see the Beast’s face. The Beast answers, confused, that he thought the Blind Man was, well, blind. The Blind Man says he’s correct, but that his hands have yet to fail him. So the Beast lets the Blind Man feel his face, his hands. The Blind Man then realizes, that the Beast isn’t actually a beast, but a man like him. He tells the Beast as much, but the Beast says that perhaps the Blind Man is also a Beast, if he thinks the Beast is like him. 

The Beast asks the Blind Man how could he care for a monster like himself. The Blind Man smiles and says, how could I not?

They come across a village the Beast terrorized in the past, and the villagers come out to curse at him, telling of how the Beast took their children and ruined their crops. The villagers ask how could the Blind Man stand to not kill the Beast. The Blind Man first asks if what the villagers are saying is true, and when the beast confirms, that he was a terrible thing before anyone saw him as more than a monster, the Blind Man understands. He, too, felt like nothing more than a blind man, an injured knight, before the Beast joined his travels, and treated him as more than just his bloody past.

In the next poem, it is revealed that the Beast was once a knight himself, one that slayed friends and foes, as his masters ruled. He was cursed to be seen as a Beast by everyone that casts their eyes upon him, and that he’s damned to be starved of blood and flesh. It is here that the reason the Blind Man recognizes the Beast to be a man becomes clear - because he is blind, he doesn’t cast his eyes on the Beast.

The following poem is a riddle that its answer is “the hunter”. The hunter used to hunt for consumption, but now hunts sinners. He says, only those that know justice will know his name.

The Blind Man asks the Beast, one night right before the sun rises, what he thinks will be his fate, once he dies. The Beast replies that death comes to all equally, knowing the Blind Man’s past. The answer comforts the Blind Man, that his death will be the same death as his fellow knights, and as his companion, the Beast.

The knight returns to warn the Blind Man and the Beast, that he learned what makes someone a Beast. He tells them of knights who were tortured many years, that were labeled “Beast”. Of the young girl, that instead of cursing the Beast blocking her path, only prayed for her safety. Of a man, that fell in battle, and was abandoned by all but death, that he was also labeled “Beast”. This man is implied to be the Beast travelling with the Blind Man. The knight goes on to say that the hunter, who says he’s versed in justice, calls himself a hero. The knight disagrees, says he’s no better than any of them, and that a man like the hunter, who thinks he’s above God, must be sent to the only equalizer, to death itself.

The knight leaves his sword with the Blind Man.

The hunter approaches, and he swings towards the Blind Man, but the Beast slashes his face, blinding the hunter. The Beast tells the Blind Man, that they will fight as equals. The Blind Man, with the Beast’s aid, manages to kill the Hunter.

The village people hear of the hunter’s death, and they come out to investigate. They find the blind Man and the Beast, but now instead of a monster, they see the man that he truly is. Killing the hunter lifted the curse. The Beast, the Cursed Man, however, isn’t extremely happy, because the Blind Man has always seen him as a man, when the rest saw a monster, and that is what he cares about most.

The Blind Man asks the Cursed Man, where would he go now that he is not viewed as a Beast. The Cursed Man answers, that he has no place he belongs to, but by the Blind Man’s side. The Blind Man replies, that then they will travel together, until their death, and perhaps, if God gives them mercy, they will always be together, no matter which path they belong.

Now that I explained the story of the poems, I can start explaining how it connects to B||H.

Each main character in B||H has a direct parallel in the poems, with a few exceptions.

Soap is the Blind Man, a man who is defined by his failure. He is the first one to see the Beast for what he truly is, and consistently compares himself to the Beast. He is the one that kills the hunter.

Ghost is the Beast, later on the Cursed Man. Everyone sees a monster when they look at him, and he himself ended up convinced he is one, after years of being called a Beast. He admires the Blind Man greatly.

Price is the trader (I chose that profession because of his surname), he meets the Beast before the Blind Man. Unlike Price, the trader does not know the Beast before he became a monster.

Gaz is the Knight (because of his relation to Soap and his VA’s surname is literally knight). He threatens the Beast, thinking he means bad for the Blind Man. He also ends up being on the Blind Man and the Beast’s side, giving him his sword so he could kill the hunter.

The village people are the city people in the story. Alma actually accuses Ghost of being the reason their children are dying, just like the village people do in the poems.

Other characters like Laswell and the communicator do not have a parallel character in the poems.

And the last one… The Hunter. He is the hunter, obviously.

Except, he’s literally the hunter. The only character that is exactly the same, and I mean, the same person, is the hunter. The only one whose name is identical to the one in the poems.

And this is the plot twist I was keeping hidden in the poems all along - BLOOD||HUNGER is a fantasy story, only not from Soap or Ghost’s perspective.

There is a third story, beside the main one and the one in the poems. The story of the hunter.

The hunter, after being killed by the Blind Man, finds himself in the future. He doesn’t know how, doesn’t know where, but he knows one thing:

The Beast is alive, he walks with the Blind Man, and he must be killed.

The hunter finds them. And again, he fails.

It’s not known how many times the hunter fails. But each time he’s killed, he wakes up decades into the future, with an innate knowledge that the Beast and the Blind Man are alive, and he has to kill them.

The hunter wakes up again in 2019. He knows the Beast and the Blind Man are alive, and this time, he tries something new. He gathers an army, he hides his face, and he waits for the right moment to strike.

He thought, perhaps if someone else kills the Beast, he could be free from the curse placed upon him centuries ago, by death itself, as punishment for his hubris.

And the events that follow, are the plot of BLOOD||HUNGER. And as you know, the hunter fails yet again. He will wake up again, but Ghost and Soap will be long gone by then.

This is why the Hunter seemingly didn’t exist on paper, a year before B||H. Why he knew so much about Simon, despite the fact it shouldn’t be possible. And this is why he says to Soap what he said to the Blind Man the first time he died. Because, in the Hunter’s eyes, Soap IS the Blind Man. Soap mentions that when the Hunter’s face is uncovered, he seems familiar, and after he dies, he feels like it happened before. Because it did.

The claw marks on the Hunter’s face are the biggest clue that he is the hunter, as the hunter’s face was slashed by the Beast in the poem.

And the Blind Man’s wish, to always walk alongside the Cursed Man, is the reason both Soap and Ghost feel like they belong with each other. They’re destined to meet, no matter what form they take. Whether as enemies, friends or lovers, they will walk the same path eventually.

See, I don’t write stories like BLOOD||HUNGER usually. I write fantasy, sci-fi, supernatural stuff like every other work I posted. But this, the poems, the Hunter, are the reason I wrote BLOOD||HUNGER.

Because it’s not fully set in the real world. Still, this fic was quite a challenge for me, with no magic, enemies-to-lovers (which I never use, I don’t know why I decided to here, but that’s how it ended up), and limited characters.

A little tidbit about the city - it isn’t named on purpose, I wanted it to have more of a vague vibe that fairy tales (and the poems in the Exeter) have. I was also initially considering having the entire fic set at night, one night, but with the amount of things that happen it felt a little ridiculous. Most of it is at night, though, as Soap and Ghost sleep through days more than they do nights.

Also fun fact, the names of the civilians are all names of family members of mine, with the exception of Mihail. The name he’s based on is Mircea, and it’s a little too Romanian for my purposes, so I changed it so something more vaguely Eastern European, which is where the city is.

Now, onto the last section of the post script, the deleted scenes! (Are they really deleted if I keep them, though?)

Like with Not Alive, Nor Dead’s PS, I’ll try to give each of them context and the reason they were cut:

[Context: the entirety of the scene where Ghost gets betrayed and poisoned by the Hunter in chapter 2.]

He didn’t get a potential location for intel, so he started methodically searching all drawers and cabinets, lightly passing over surfaces to search for abnormalities. The longer he goes on finding nothing, the more an icy chill spreads through his gut.

Every cell in his body is screaming something is wrong here.

Footsteps on the lower floor catch his attention. Multiple, heavy, hurried. Ghost snarls.

The soldiers climb the stairs quickly, Ghost melting into the shadows, watching them pass by him. The soldiers are the Hunter’s, their blood-red insignia staining their black gear.

He’s being betrayed again. He needs to get out. He has to get out.

“We know you’re here, Ghost. Change of plan, we need you on another location.” The soldier communicating for the Hunter calls.

No, no, no. They’re lying. 

“Commander”, another soldier says, “he might be gone.”

The Hunter doesn’t answer, but frantically, Ghost hears the floorboards creak closer and closer to his location, until a red glove reaches out and pulls him out of the shadows.

He instantly shakes it off, “the fuck are you doing here?!” he growls. The Hunter looks to his communicator, “this target was a ruse, Ghost. We have a new one for you.”

They’re lying. They’re lying. Ghost can feel the barrels of rifles at his back, lifting slowly to strike him down. He can smell the gunpowder and the bite of metal-

Ghost glances behind him. The soldiers are busy searching the house. He nods.

It feels so wrong, but… could he be wrong? Is he just getting paranoid over nothing?

“Give me the location.” he grunts, his back constantly tingling with the weight of phantom gazes.

The soldier walks over to the balcony, pulling out a spotter scope, “your target will be in the central city, the high rise building next to the church.” the building is lit by neon lights, red and foreboding in the darkness of night.

Ghost carefully walks to the balcony, taking the scope from the soldier. He doesn’t put it up to his face, not when there are phantom breaths on his nape.

They’re waiting. They’re watching. They’re going to-

A hand wraps around his neck, roughly pulling his mask up to reveal the pale skin underneath. Ghost grabs it, pushes it away, when a sickly cold sting bites the side of his neck, followed by a disgusting chill that seeps into his bloodstream.

Poison.

Ghost shoves the soldier off, swiftly sliding a knife to his palm and slicing his neck. The man doesn’t have time to react, before Ghost drops down to avoid another attacker. The world explodes with hands reaching for him, weapons slung with purpose to strike.

Not kill. They want him alive.

He has to GET. OUT.

A hostile rushes to tackle him, and Ghost uses the momentum to grab him and jump off the balcony. Glass surrounds them both for a moment, before they all fall down.

The body beneath him crashes with a sickening crunch, and Ghost takes the pistol in his hand to swing around and shoot at his attackers. A few of them fall over the railing, and the resulting confusion is enough for Ghost to take off and run.

Ghost feels the poison corrupt his blood, physically sense the way it travels down his neck, the chill spreading to his fingertips. He mutters a few curses.

He should’ve listened to himself. Never trust anything but himself.

[Reason to cut: I didn’t want Ghost to suspect anything before the Hunter attacks, I thought it would be scarier than if he anticipated it.]

[Context: the last lines of chapter 2 (can you tell I struggled with that one lol)]

Ghost internally sighs. This whole ordeal drudges up too many old memories, things he rather would’ve stayed buried in an unmarked grave. But he just has to put up with Soap until they leave the city.

And after that? He can leave him to the wolves.

[Reason to cut: Ghost sounds here like he wants something bad to happen to Soap when he leaves him. I wanted him to just not care about what happens to him.]

[Context: the talk Ghost and Soap have in chapter 6, when Soap reveals he killed Makarov.]

The Sergeant laughs bitterly, “he was already captured. I slit his fuckin’ throat when his hands were cuffed.”

“Really?” Ghost drawls, “as if bars would’ve stopped Makarov.”

Soap bristles, “so what, yer saying I was right?”

“You were the only one with half a brain there, it seems.”

Soap is visibly stunned at that, quieting down and averting his gaze. Did he really believe that he shouldn’t have done that? Shouldn’t have killed the worst man in modern times?

Really thought those restraints were made for the betterment of humanity, rather the benefit of the powerful few?

They continue walking in silence, the only sound accompanying their steps is the bristling of crops.

[Reason to cut: didn’t like how the dialogue sounded, wanted the conversation to be longer.]

[Context: the first time Ghost called Soap “Johnny”, chapter 7.]

Soap has a feeling the nickname just slipped, and he didn’t mean to call him ‘Johnny’. His mind, as it often does, starts mulling that small detail over.

If it was a slip of the tongue, it means this wasn’t the first time Ghost thought to call him that. How long have he thought of him as “Johnny”? Does that mean, under that bleached bone, he 

[Reason to cut: didn’t like where Soap’s thoughts were going. Didn’t know what to do with them.]

[context: beginning of chapter 8, when Ghost’s real identity is revealed.]

(From the grave rises someone else, someone wrong-)

Soap takes a step back, the sound echoing through his mind and returning him to the surface-

(They know. The communicator. The Hunter.)

Johnny knows.

[Reason to cut: I liked the first line, but I wanted it to be memories of Simon’s rather than introspection of Ghost.]

[Context: start of chapter 8 again. It’s always the Ghost POV ones I struggle with huh?]

“Didn’t you,

Simon Riley?”

Ghost ceases his attempts to move. Thoughts slipping away from him, sinking down to the dark sea, drowning him.

(Don’t cry like a pansy, son. Just like your mother, you’ve always been weak-)

(You always had a bleeding heart, Riley. Time you wake up, see how the world really works-)

(The rotten flesh, the maggots borrowing into his ears, the dirt and grit between his teeth-)

(Lieutenant Riley was his most caring soldier-)

(What’s wrong, son?-)

(LT-)

(SIMON-)

Ghost feels him claw out, from the fortified casket he buried him in. Memories as his weapon, he rips through his chest, uncaring of the trails of broken bone and blood he leaves behind, splattering on the floor.

From the grave, a dead man rises. A man who always found the world too cruel, too loud, too unforgiving.

And with him, emotions Ghost long buried; Hurt, sadness, confusion. Fear.

Rage.

The knife in his sleeve slides easily to his palm, cool metal doing nothing to soothe Simon. He winds his hand back, and throws.

The blade shines almost blindingly across the room, missing Johnny by less than an inch and hitting the gleeful communicator in his eye. The man slumps over, smile melting away with the last of his life.

Simon heaves a breath, arm still forward, eyes snapping from the corpse to Johnny. 

Johnny, who turns around, shock in his bright blue eyes, mumbling, “What… the fuck… did you do?”

He can’t look at those eyes again, can’t see the betrayal cloud them over, the pain he caused, always causes, spread through him. And so Simon, the coward he is, looks away.

“What the fuck did you do?!” Johnny repeats, stomping forward to haul Simon up by his vest. “LOOK AT ME! YOU JUST KILLED OUR ONLY WAY TO THE HUNTER!”

Johnny’s hands are trembling, Simon notes, when they take hold of his face to force him to make eye contact. Simon watches Soap’s expression falter.

What do you see, he wants to ask. 

Do you see the man he was, Or the monster he became?

The clanking of the metal staircase behind them makes Soap sharply turn. Simon can’t see, doesn’t care to when Johnny is in front of him.

Tell me, he wants to scream, tell me I’m irredeemable. Tell me you hate me. Bury me, please.

I can’t be Simon again.

But Johnny ignores his silent pleas, grabbing his forgotten rifle and throwing it to Simon. With a dirty glance, he growls, “don’t think I’m lettin’ it slide. Get up, we need to fight.”

And Simon would’ve stayed in the tower, waiting death to take him for the final time, if he could stomach the idea of taking Johnny down with him. Simon, stupid, foolish Simon, wants the Sergeant to do what he couldn’t. To be better than him.

He takes the rifle, military instilled instincts helping him push up and take aim. Johnny is already ahead, fighting his way down the stairs.

The world outside is loud, gunshots and screams, bullets dinging off metal, blood dripping down to the earth below. Soap shoots them as the come up, but he’s quickly getting overrun. Simon spots a pile of crates right at the edge, where Johnny is currently taking cover.

He runs at it at full speed, shouldering it and pushing it down. Johnny curses at him, before he watches how the heavy crates clear them a path down. The soldiers groan, struggling to get up. They run down, barely avoiding the hands grasping at their feet. Below, soldiers attempt to shoot them, but they make an almost impossible target on the spiraling steps.

Simon jumps the last few, firing at the group around their truck to cover Johnny. The Sergeant shouts at him something, but he’s too focused on the enemies aiming at them.

A few bullets hit him square in the chest, knocking the breath out of Simon. 

He doesn’t get time to recover when another bullet pierces through his shoulder.

It hurts more, oddly enough, after Simon clawed his way out. Everything feels… more.

Johnny takes out the shooter, and drags Simon to the truck. Throwing him to the passenger sit, he starts up the engine and shifts it to reverse to run down a few hostiles.

“Yer not gonna die on me, are ye?” He grunts, examining the blood sluggishly flowing down his gear.

Simon opens his mouth to answer, as he sees from his peripheral a wounded soldier shakily lifting his gun to aim at Johnny.

He pulls out a knife to throw at him before Soap can even clock the danger, the soldier crumpling back down in a blink. “...Thanks.” Soap’s eyes narrow. His eyes are no less bright for it, Simon reckons.

He returns to his sit, applying pressure to his gunshot wound, “drive.”

In the silence, Simon’s mind drifts. He’s finding it harder and harder to focus on anything besides Johnny.

[Reason to cut: a few things here are the same as the final version, but I specifically didn’t like how Soap acted here, and the fight Ghost soloed.]

[Context: chapter 10, after Soap bit a guy, and Ghost lost control of his limbs because of the poison again.]

The pain doesn’t even register in Ghost’s mind anymore. Nothing does, except Johnny’s form, sure-footed as he rushes back to battle, mouth still red.

Johnny is a disaster. An omen of ruin. A harbinger of death.

Simon wants to be destroyed by him.

If only to feel that searing touch once more.

[Reason to cut: Ghost is a little too in love with Soap with the way he’s talking here. Didn’t want that yet.]

[Context: chapter 11, the very end of it, where they realize who could find the Hunter.]

Soap inhales sharply. That’s it!

“Simon.” Dark eyes look up at his urgent tone, “I know how we can get to the Hunter.”

Gone is the softness in his eyes, Ghost turns to face him fully

[Reason to cut: wanted Ghost to come to that conclusion, not Soap. Thought it would be more impactful, if Simon chooses that fate on himself.]

[context: chapter 12, when Ghost and Soap explain to Price and Gaz that the Hunter is responsible for everything that happened in the city, not Ghost.]

 “The Hunter?” the name makes Gaz falter, “who-”

Ghost cuts him off, “who do you think is in charge of this militia, Lieutenant?” he says the rank mockingly.

The Lieutenant fires back, “according to our intel, you!”

Soap shakes his head in disbelief, he and Ghost sharing a baffled look, “yer tellin’ me ye never heard of the Hunter?!”

This complicates everything. Ghost himself knew of the Hunter because of his line of work, and he was aware their existence was a closely guarded secret, but for the 141 to not even know of them…

It’s like they popped out of nowhere, a special hell designed for Ghost.

It does clear out one thing. The reason they wanted to pin the massacre of the city on him, leave him poisoned to rot until the 141 catches him. If the SAS believes they took down the militia, the Hunter would be free to do anything they wanted, under the radar.

Cut the head off the snake, it dies. Unless you cut the wrong head.

“You’re telling me”, Price starts, “that we’re after the wrong person?”

Soap sighs, “Ghost may not be a bleedin’ saint, but he’s not the leader of the fuckers shootin’ everyone out there.”

Gaz scoffs, “John, you know I’ll fucking take a bullet for you, but I won’t be able to believe that without some solid proof.”

Price joins him, “even if there is another individual… “The Hunter”, you called him?” he realigns his gun with Ghost, “we still need to take Ghost into custody.”

Soap bodily pushes Ghost behind him, again, “if you want ever want to catch the Hunter, you’ll need him! We’re not gonna-!”

[Reason to cut: Okay, I did a little mistake and completely forgot that Gaz and Price brought up the Hunter by name before, therefore they know of their existence. Had to cut a few pages because of that, as you can see…]

[Context: chapter 12, after Ghost falls because of the poison, still discussing the Hunter.]

Price holds it still, “Laswell said local police reported of a skull-masked man.”

“I haven’t seen a single police officer in the entire city.” Soap says slowly, “fuck- how did we miss that?”

“This city…” Gaz’s brows lift in shock.

Simon grunts, “the Hunter’s soldiers took over before I ever stepped foot here.”

[Reason to cut: didn’t like this explanation, didn’t feel like it made sense to me. The final version uses the informant instead, which ties in with the man Ghost kills for the Hunter in chapter 2, and I like that way better.]

[Context: chapter 13, when Soap and Gaz talk while he’s smoking.]

“John, mate. C’mon.” Kyle places a hand on his shoulder, leaning in to whisper, “tell me, what are you going to do after?”

“After what?”

“After you kill the Hunter. Are you going to leave back for Scotland, never see Ghost again, go back to your civilian life? Or…” Gaz nods towards Simon, “you’re going to stick with him?”

Oh… He didn’t even think about that. ‘After’... Soap swallows around the excitement the second option rises within him, “yer jokin’, right? I don’t- that’s not even a choice. What am I gonna do with Ghost?”

[Reason to cut: didn’t like how I phrased things here, felt like I could do it better.]

[Context: chapter 14, right before the operation to kill the Hunter begins]

It strikes him then, how much he wished they could’ve met on different circumstances. Perhaps if they knew each other before, they could’ve been more. 

Perhaps he wouldn’t feel as doomed.

[Reason to cut: just didn’t really like it, it kinda introduces new feelings that I didn’t have time to explore in the last chapter before the epilogue.]

EDIT: I FORGOT TO PUT THE POEM AAA SHIT

Page ?? of the “Blooede Starvatfōre-dēde”, parable ?:

What drives a monster from the woods, the merchant questions,

As evil often lies within the dark, feasting on sin and vice,

What drives a man from his home, the Beast replies,

As he is nothing, when his steps sound alone,

What drives a knight from his kin, the Blind man finishes,

As a vow cannot be fulfilled, when it is voiced to the dead.

[The only reason I didn't put it in is because there wasn't a good point to, sicne I wrote it when the fic was already ending]

And that’s it! Another fic done!!! I had a lot of fun, I think you can tell haha. I also feel like I improved a lot compared to Not Alive, Nor Dead, I love seeing the progress. Thank you, if you read this monster of a post script, and for reading BLOOD||HUNGER.

As a little thanks… I will probably talk about it more later, but I am planning on beginning work on Revenant AU part 2 after I finish my semester. It will involve new villains, new Revenants, new Reapers… I’m excited to be able to return to that universe again!

[sananaryon]

Hey you said on march 24 you have an au of trixie and dash becoming celestia and luna and then never elaborated. Can you. Please.

Tagging @sighlentknight since they also asked. Sorry it took ao long, got distracted by dishonored au. Anyway

I'm playing a bit fast and lose with the canon timeline in this au cause let's face it the canon timeline is a mess and i'm just trying to have fun here.

The AU starts with Rainbow and Trixie being sent back in time. How, I don't know, it's not super important, maybe a messed up magical experiment, maybe Discord, maybe a weird phenomenon, anything goes. Point is that they're sent 1400 years back in time, to the Reign of Discord.

After spending a while bickering over who's fault this is (they do a lot of bickering, not gonna mention it every time so just assume they're always bickering), they try to set out and find their way home, weirded out at the chaos wastes they've ended up in. Eventuallu, they run into a group of important figures, either the founders or the pillars of Equestria, the specifics don't matter, but this is how they learn that they've ended up back in time.

Obviously freaking out, they eventually calm down enough to get the lay of the land and explain what's going on to the locals. They figure that finding Celestia and Luna would be the best shot at getting back home but weirdly none of the locals have ever heard of Celly and Lulu. Still, it's the reign of Discord so they gotta be around somewhere, and Rainbow happens to know that they're gonna get the elements of harmony from the Tree of Harmony, so just go there, wait for them, be home in time for dinner, no problem. Trixie is a bit doubtful of her confidence but hey, not like she has a better idea.

What follows is an epic quest as they make their way across the Chaos or Discord's reign with the help of locals, which would take at least another full post to explain so I'm gonna skip most of it. Point is, Rainbow and Trixie get some time to both bond and get really frustrated because finding Everfree is next to impossible when the world is all topsy turvy and directions don't make sense.

They eventually make it though, finding the cave with the Tree untouched by Chaos. Great, just gotta bunker down and wait for Celestia and Luna to show up, what could go wrong?

A lot, as it turns out. When they approach the tree, things happen. Maybe it senses potential in them, maybe its because they're time travelers and thus rather unusual, or maybe it's just cause theyre the first ponies who've made it this far and the Tree is low on options. Either way, the world is wildly out of balance and someone are needed to fix it and these two are as good as any.

In a bright light, Rainbow Dash and Trixie are ascended to alicornhood, their cutie marks changed into something more appropriate for the chosen guardians of Equestria's balance; a sun for Rainbow and a moon for Trixie.

Cue them freaking out for several hours because What The Fuck!?!?!

No time for that though because something like this has not gone unnotices by Discord. In a flash, he appears, curious about the two embodiments of Harmony in front of him. They're young so he could defeat them easily, but where's the fun in that? Instead, he wants to play with them a bit, taking their companions hostage so they'll play along.

This goes about as well as you could expect, Rainbow and Trixie may be confused and freaking out but neither take well to having their friends threatened. They confront Discord and, not really knowing what they're doing, use the Elements on him, ending his reign.

In the aftermath, they find themselves with a lot of ponies bowing to them, both strangers and ponies they met and helped out during their quest. Soon, it is pretty clear that they are being declared rulers of Equestria despite their objections. The people will accept no one else.

At the crowning, they are given regnal names. In a way, they chose them themselves. After all, they had both been quite insistant that Discord would be defeated by alicorn princesses named Celestia and Luna.

Over the years, they grow into their roles. Rainbow Dash's coat and mane is bleached by the sun she has found herself raising every morning, while the opposite happens to Trixie since she spends most of her time at night. Her eyes and magic color also changes as a result of her new magic. They both get into the flow of ruling a nation.

Throughout it, they of course don't give up on returning home, but experiment after experiment amount to nothing.

With time, their relationship also degrades. I mean, not like it's ever been good, I mentioned how they spend most of their time bickering, but with Discord defeated and them acclimating to their new situation, they no longer have more pressing issues distracting them from how much they REALLY don't get along. Trixie and Rainbow are hardly the most compatible of ponies in the best circumstances, and now imagine that but upped by hundreds of years. The only reason it doesn't happen sooner is because stuff like Sombra and Tirek pop up to distract them.

But Nightmare Moon does eventually happen. Afterward, Rainbow slips more and more into the Celestia persona. It's still a mask, something she puts on because she feels she has to, but without Trixie, there aren't a lot of ponies around who see her as anything other than the immortal dignified deity, so she spends more time being Celestia than she spends being Rainbow.

Eventually, the day she has marked on her calendar comes around, and she sees a huge rainbow spread across Equestria. It's fun seeing it from the outside, she so rarely has the chance to do it herself nowadays.

After 1500 years of life, tutoring a filly version of one of her best friends is still the weirdest thing she's been through.

It hurts seeing the mane six get together and be friends. She's happy for them, of course, but seeing her younger self laugh and be happy is a painful reminder that she will never be that pony again, her friends can never really see her as one of them again because even if she's still Rainbow Dash, she's also an immortal god empress and thats a rather big hurdle to overcome in a relationship.

With Trixie back at least, she starts letting the Celestia mask slip. Poor Twilight gets a heart attack first time she hears her mentor call Luna a bitch for taking the last slice of cake. With someone around who actually knows her as Rainbow and not Celestia, she can finally be her authentic self again, the mask becomes less something she wears all the time and more something she just puts on for court and lets slip in private. Those who know her are shocked at the change, but she seems happier than anyone has known her to have been for centuries.

She both dreads and looks forward to the day Twilight visits to tell her that Rainbow and Trixie have vanished. On one hoof, getting to finally drop the mask entirely and reveal who she is will be such a relief. On the other, how do you explain that their friend is both gone forever and standing in front of them?

Meanwhile Trixie has to be held back from having a threeway with her past self and Starlight.

[dalekofchaos]

Dutch made a pact with The Strange Man

Found this on reddit and thought it makes a lot of sense. Also this one.

Dutch's pact with the Strange Man theory.

We don't know in details what really happened before the game but some tips we can find in Arthur's Journal and hearing the other members made me think about this.

The gang was an ordinary gang from the beginning (1870s) until 1877 when something happened: Dutch and Hosea were arrested and by unknown means they escaped their cell. So my guess is that Dutch made a pact with The Strange Man to set them free and to be happy.

After that the gang became a family, with Arthur, John, Mrs Grimshaw and etc. And until the game starts they rob 37 banks. So the gang went from zero to hero in 10 years. Dutch was happy living his "dream".

Then the fire happened (the one Arthur mentions in the beginning his journal) burning everything they have thus forcing them to flee. In my opinion this is the time the Strange man came to collect the debts and Dutch probably do not want to pay. So they started to flee and even after a while Dutch still want them to move. They were going to California and all of a sudden Dutch decided to go to Blackwater. Even after finding some land to buy he still wanted to move.

"Dutch had a lead for some land we were going to buy […] or he got spooked we were being watched by the law and that somebody knew who he was."

Then after a while on Blackwater camp Arthur says that he heard about someone who looks like Trewlany, i remember reading about how similar both look like. Coincidentally after that Dutch started to talk about moving again. The ferry heist was fucked up because of the Strange Man, and it is the beginning of the end. Pretty much like what happened to Herbert Moon. His daughter married, was happy, but he was sad. Dutch got what he asked: fame, fortune, but he lost everything else on the way: family, love, even his mind…

I think he's the one who caused the ferry robbery to to go fucked up, and that the Heidi McCourt incident was him testing Dutch, similar to the way he tests John with moral choices in RDR1, or the way he tests Arthur with Jimmy Brooks in Valentine. When John first meets him in RDR1, he begins by reminding John of Heidi McCourt's murder. Eventually, the Strange Man does collect his debt…in the form of John Marston at the end of RDR1. The theory even goes further to some on Reddit, saying that Ross also made a choice that damned him to the Strange Man when he decided to go after and kill John, and Ross's debt was collected when Jack Marston kills him.

Other theories are that the ship Dutch, Arthur, Bill, Micah and Javier try to escape on catching fire and sinking was also the Strange Man preventing Dutch's escape. There's also a camp encounter in Chapter IV, after the ill-fated trolley station stick up, where Dutch and John have words that ends with Dutch telling John, "I. Know. You." which is the name of the Strange Man's side quest in RDR1.

Heidi McCourt was Dutch's test from The Strange Man theory.

Both John Marston and Arthur Morgan encounter two seemingly different people at entirely separate times and places, however they are somehow connected.

In RDR1, John encounters a strange man that asks him about Heidi McCourt, a woman Dutch shot in the head 12 years prior, during the Blackwater Ferry Heist. The Strange Man makes a point to let John know that Heidi McCourt was an important person, before sending John out to deal with a man who is soon to commit adultery. John has the choice to complete this mission honorably or dishonorably, and the Strange Man appears to be keeping track of his choices. In the final meeting with the Strange Man, the Strange Man claims he is "accounting". Its widely accepted that the Strange Man is some sort of supernatural force, being connected to fate and the dead. Which brings me to my second point, Jimmy Brooks.

Jimmy Brooks is a man Arthur Meets in Valentine in RDR2, who recognizes Arthur from the Blackwater Heist. After some chasing, Arthur is faced with saving Jimmy brooks or letting him die. Later in the Strange Man's cabin, a poem regarding Jimmy Brooks, who before seemed to have no connection, appears etched in a desk.

It is of my opinion that at some point in everyone's life, at least in the Red Dead universe, they will come across a figure that judges their morals and perhaps decides their fate, same as John in RDR1. My theory is that Heidi McCourt was this figure in the life of Dutch Van Der Linde, and the execution of her cemented his path into destruction he would experience over the next 15 or so years.