#emu australia

[sagemassave]

It’s all about the platform….it works dressed up or down…

[herpsandbirds]

Emu (Dromaius novaehollandiae), family Casuariidae, order Casuariiformes, Flinders Ranges, SA, Australia

photograph by Greg Wisnia

[devildomwriter]

Suspicious Behaviors | Short Story

Lately Mammon had been sneaking out of the House of Lamentation at odd hours. He was missing school. He was carrying around suspicious paper bags. Lucifer was at his wits end with his latest scheme so he followed Mammon and invited you along. Only to discover something rather unexpected.

He was feeding the new baby crows.

Now Lucifer is mad because he accidentally led you to witness something that made Mammon even more endearing to you.

Mammon is sitting there as baby crows hops around on him and he puts birdseed on his head. But the babies can’t reach it and the parents end up dive-bombing his head and he’s knocked over with a scream, spilling the bird food all over him.

He is now covered in crows and screaming. Lucifer sighs and leaves and you take pictures before helping your lovable demon who is swearing you to secrecy.

Mammon claims all the bandages are because he got into a fight and not because the crows accidentally took a few bites out of him. Lucifer shakes his head that Mammon lost a fight to birds.

“Just like Australia,” you declare and he’s more confused.

You advise Mammon he would not survive Australian birds and not to feed the wildlife there.

[fuckingstupidbracket]

Funniest historical events bracket

Details under the cut:

Emu war: Australians decided there's too much emus and they need to decrease their numbers because they are destroying crops. Emus won. I mean they killed some emus, but not that many in the grand scheme of things and the emus continued doing what they wanted (eating crops).

Pig war: A conflict between the US and Great Britain caused by a pig. An American found a pig eating tubers on his land and he shot the pig. The Irishman who owned the pig was rightfully pissed. The American offered 10 dollars in compensation, and the Irish guy was like, no??? give me a 100 bucks. So the American was like, no fuck you, I'm not paying anything, your stupid pig was tresspassing onto my land, and the Irishman was like, no fuck YOU, your tubers were tresspassing onto my pig. So then British cops threatened to arrest the American guy, and then US military entered the picture, and it just escalated until the news reached DC and London (both were like wtf chill out its just a pig). No one died except for the pig.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

pt II australia but i've never been there

I didn't even have to wait for y'all's responses on part I to make this because Australia is WILDING. As per usual, salutations to Arthur's grandmother's boyfriend Brian.

Everything remaining that I know about Australia:

There was an emu war. There were many emu casualties, and no human ones, but the emus won anyway. Sun Tzu is making way for the emus.

That was the only research I did on the emu wars, but as someone who met a few emus once, they were very lovely to me and very soft to pet. They also were very jabby. One of them looked deeply concerned as they looked at me, I believe they thought I was a deformed emu. I am on the winning side of the war.

During Christmas, Santa does not have a sleigh. He has a surfboard, and he does slay.

There are a lot of animals. Many have no placenta, as I recall from biology. Due to the nature of the continental drift and geographical isolation, Australian marsupials evolved separately from placental mammals, and were not wiped out by invading species. Due to convergent evolution, there are also analogous species between the placental mammals and the marsupials.

What just happened I'm sorry deep science trauma was unearthed. The point is, a lot of animals. A kangaroo is probably in your backyard. A koala just stole your girlfriend. An alligator murdered your classmate. It just happens.

KOOKOOBURRA SITTING ON THE OLD GUM TREE MERRY MERRY SOMETHING SOMETHING idk I was 3 when my mum sang me that.

The internet is awful. Rumours are that the local snake ate it.

Australia is very very pretty, I know this because of an Australian Tourism Department ad that I saw when I was 12 and had cable TV.

You must not forget your Hat. It's like the three little kittens song, but with the Hat instead of mittens.

The Wibbles are a thing. I thought they were a band. Spotify said no. I no longer know what they are.

Crocodile Dundee is a thing. I saw him in Snoopy/Peanuts.

Steve Irvin met his wife in an animal area and his daughter met her husband in an animal area. I don't know anything more these lovely folks, or what the animal area was, I'm afraid.

There is a cake with white stripes that is the Best for Birthdays.

The accent is beautiful, but I admit for years I couldn't differentiate it from British and American accents as a child because to me it sounded like the lovechild of them both and it made me very confused.

Uh, Australia exists.

Yeah, no, that's all I've got. Love to the Australian maggots.

[asteroidtroglodyte]

I will never get over this.

Hilarious

[salmonella-destroyer-of-worlds]

[newguineatribalart]

Aboriginal technique for hunting emu. Notice the aboriginal spear is being carried using the toes so that the silhouette of the spear is not seen by the emu. Nulla Nulla or Aboriginal club is also hidden from view. Ingenious.

[evangelifloss]

Please tell me about the great emu war of 1932 :3

"Haha Australia lost a war to emus twice"

NO BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!

Here's why:

First, I don't believe foreigners know how BIG emus are, and how much of their stocky main body is just layers and layers of feathers

This is Peck. He doesn't actually Peck but he LOVES the LADIES and for reference, that's me as he's uh... trying to woo me. I'm 4'11 / 149cm tall and in that photo he's not standing at full height either because he's preparing to get lower and ahem, grind. He is also a juvenile.

Emus are typically 5.7 feet/1.75 meters tall, but they have been recorded to get up to 6.2 feet/1.9 meters.

So imagine you've got this big ass dinosaur bird with the most t-rex looking feet perfectly designed for running. Yeeting. Skeeting. Killing you maybe. And now take into account these flightless fucks can run up to 62 Kilometers per hour. THATS 39 MILES PER HOUR TOP SPEED.

Now add 20,000 emus.

So 20,000 emus against poverty-stricken farmers with failing crops, farmers WHO WERE MOSTLY WW1 VETERANS BY THE WAY. Yeah nah.

Here's a visual to help y'all understand how insanely large emu groups get.

Onto why the hell were there so many emus on the farmlands (even tho... yknow... the emus and the local indigenous were there first but we won't get into that.)

Basically a big drought made the horde of emus move away from their usual dwindling territory, onto the sprawling Australian "farm lands" and remember I mentioned their feet before? BIG STOMPY. Whatever crops that had somehow managed to survive the severely vitamin-deficient soil and grow, did not in fact, survive the dinosaur feet as the emus strolled through, pecking and foraging the ground along the way.

The plight of the veteran farmers didn't fall on deaf ears, but the Australian government severely underestimated the power of 20,000 emus by a LONG shot. Plus they weren't all that interested either, until at least it was reported that the emus were destroying the Rabbit Proof Fence. What legends.

For the first "war" the government sent 3 men.

Yep. You heard me. Three guys. Major Meredith, Sargeant McMurray and a soldier by the name of O'Halloran.

They had one truck with a machine gun, and probably other guns, but between them roughly 10,000 rounds of ammunition.

So off they went. To wage war against the progressive emus breaking the symbol of "White Australia" AKA the Fence. Oh and also I guess the starving vets.

This is it. This is what they had.

Locals from all around joined in the fight and tried to herd the roaming groups of emus into the murder range but the emus had a tactic. One that us Aussies use at bush doofs when you hear police sirens- and that is to SCATTER.

They only killed "a dozen birds" from a group estimated to be around 1000. It didn't help that the machine gun jammed during this organised ambush.

And by then, the Emus clicked onto what was happening. They split up into smaller groups, observed to be led by the largest sized male who kept an eye out for the enemy. Never again did they risk coming together as seen before.

The war was lost. Only a few more attempts were made that had little success and Ornithologist Dom Serventy concisely summarised the whole operation.

I want to remind you all that this is a recorded statement, kept on file in legal military documentation

"The Emu command had evidently ordered guerrilla tactics, and its unwieldy army soon split up into innumerable small units that made use of the military equipment uneconomic. A crestfallen field force therefore withdrew from the combat area after about a month."

Let's move onto Emu War Part Two: Unsuccessful Boogaloo

Heads up by the way, TW below.

Emus were still, y'know, Emu-ing about and the drought didn't let up either. People were still dying of starvation, becoming homeless and committing suicide. It took the Premier of Western Australia, and a Base Commander in the military penning letters and using media pressure to finally convince the government to give it another go.

Major Meridith returns to the War and having learnt from practically everyone's past assumptions of the highly intelligent sonic-speed bird, brought success. And by that I mean, more success than the previous war.

Ultimately only 5% of the 20k Emu Army were ever killed, and even that is debated since it is more than likely they inflated numbers of kills to lessen the damage of being completely inferior to the superb qualities of the Emu.

A Federal parliamentarian (like a senator) when asked about whether there should be a medal made for the conflict, he replied with:

"Any medals should go to the emus who had won every round so far."

And of course in true Aussie fashion, the Defence Minister who supported and approved for the Emu War 1 and 2, was given the title by the Australian public, and international conservationists of ‘Minister for the Emu War’.

Ouch, but also, Not Every Problem Has To Be Solved With Guns.

Ironically what worked far better was the implementation of fences to keep the Emus OUT and unfortunately, a bounty system that saw many locals and professional hunters alike have FAR more success than an entire military operation. 57,000 bounties were claimed in a six month period after it being introduced in 1934.

Thus concludes the Great Emu War of 1932.

If you're asking why I know this, I studied it when I was 16, and made an entire poster to which I gave it to my Japanese Teacher. For context: I was living in Japan. Going to a Japanese School. And teaching my poor English teacher about this Emu War that he only believed once he looked it up. As a parting gift I gave him a poster. Shout out to Kawamura-Sensei you tried so hard not to laugh at the poster but I won that war.

Here it is. All the quotes on there are real too!

[haveyouseenthisbirdpoll]

photo source

[herpsandbirds]

A gang of unruly Emus (Dromaius novaehollandiae), family Casuariidae, central Australia

photograph by David Cook

[branchflowerphoto]

scenes from a moving car: daddy emu and his chicks

I see more emus on my road than cars

(C) @branchflowerphoto 2024

[total-drama-brainrot]

walks in here and politely asks about p!noah. i dont have any stuff to say about it with situations, i just wanna know more.

—thd return of not so silly anon

Not gonna lie to you, I haven't actually put much thought into trivia for this AU. I guess I could come up with some stuff from the top of my head though?

P!Noah doesn't get motion sickness easily, in fact he's a bit of a speed demon when it comes to all vehicles, but he does get inexplicable bouts of sea sickness. As a result, boats (and other water based travel) are his least favourite type of transportation. That's why he was so quiet on the boat in Newfoundland, and he spends the majority of the Sweden challenge hovering by the rails of Team Chris' boat trying not to puke. (This fact earns him some pity points/humanisation from the rest of the cast. Until he inevitably does something disturbing again.)

He actually isn't a huge fan of knives or other sharp objects. His weapon of choice in an real fight would be something long ranged and tactical, like a gun, or perhaps a really big hammer/mallet. The way he sees it, if he has to get up close and personal with someone to cause damage, he might as well use his fists (and teeth). He does, however, like the intimidation factor sharp objects tend to have. Hence he fakes a fondness for them. He got the idea from Duncan.

If he makes it to the Niagara Falls challenges, he'd spend the whole second challenge shaking the tightrope in an attempt to unbalance the other teams... and then probably jump into the water himself, to "join in on the fun". Depending on the gender ratio in this AU, he'd either try to wrestle the bear inside of the husband slot machine (to disasterous results), or end up as a "bride" and rig the system to end up with Owen. Mostly so he can convince Owen to wear the dress.

He'd never win a season. That'd be too easy, and not very fun at all. Plus, he's almost certain the producers would rig a finale against him anyway, since he's essentially a minor antagonist for the series. If p!Noah were to ever make it to a finale, he'd throw in the most entertaining manner possible to earn himself more noteriety than a win could ever get him.

Post Total Drama, he does have a few issues with the media - mostly the negative attention he recieves as an "unstable threat to others". It's only once the new cast has been confirmed and Noah knows he's not gonna be making a reappearence on the show that he finally publically reveals that his "true personality" was an exaggeration. He's a real jerk about it too. Noah spends the majority of his self-exposé ripping into the audience for believing the whole thing, which doesn't exactly endear him to the public, but it does clear him of a lot of his social stigma. He doesn't exactly reveal that it was mostly him just fucking with everyone, since that'd make him more of a controvertial figure. Instead, he claims that the network themself asked for him to play a wolf in sheep's clothing to boost ratings. He really retreats back into the shell of "sarcastic bookworm", leaving people aware but unbelieving of his more psychotic tendencies, since the public at large is under the impression that it was all an act.

[witchofthesouls]

If Earth was ever cyberformed, then the Decepticons would need to deal with primordial forces of nature...

Giant metal moose.

Worst yet,

Australia.

[sitting-on-me-bum]

The Boss

Emu, Winton, Qld

‘The emu’s facial profile is always so filled with character and is impossible not to fall in love with. In this shot I have specifically aimed to get as much of a profile/portrait as possible and being mindful not to invade its space. This particular emu was one of a small group and appeared to be the boss, hence the title.’

Photograph: Teresa Veal

2023 BirdLife Australia Photography Awards