#emptying the asks so nobody else gets to tell me to die lol

[aerospectrum]

die fag

lmfaooooo. be patient big dog, after today I just might!!!!!!!! rip lolololololol

[myc-ology-whore]

Myc x Reader Angst, Pt. 2

Finally! The happy ending! This took me way too long to write; I'm sorry I couldn't get it out earlier, but I was dealing with some IRL stuff that was really bleh. Hope this turned out okay; I'm very sleep deprived because I refused to go to bed until I completed this, so if there are some mistakes toward the end that's why lol.

Contents: All SFW, just some sad themes because, y'know, reader got shot in the first part and the gang is distraught about it. Mostly fluff toward the end though :) Enjoy <3

It had been a week already since the Bear-O incident. Repairs were still being made, people were recovering from the injuries they'd sustained in the chaos, and the whole company was fuming over the Shadow Board's new choice of administration. Thankfully, Rand had yet to make any big changes since the building was still getting fixed, but the employees dreaded what would happen when repairs were completed. However, most people were getting back to work; you couldn't just stop running the shadow government after a crisis. The only major exceptions were your friends.

The meeting room was quiet and empty, the buzzing of the monitors on the walls being the only thing to break the silence. Things were still thrown about haphazardly, no one bothering to come up there for anything more than to grab their stuff. To find the people who usually worked there, you'd have to travel down to the north-eastern corner of the atrium, to the medical wing. There, strewn about inside and outside of a particular room, was the upper management team.

Gigi sat on the cold tiles outside your door, knees to her chest and head leaned back against the wall. Her eyes were red and swollen, but nobody pointed it out. She hadn't slept very well since the day she saw you bleeding out in Myc's hold, that sad, scared look on your face as you asked her what had happened to you. She couldn't bear to tell you the truth, and she'd left you with Myc so that you wouldn't have to see her breaking down in front of you. She hadn't eaten much since then either, only forcing herself to choke something down when Brett brought meals for the gang.

The rest of the gang wasn't much better. Glenn had seen soldiers die before, but you weren't a soldier. You were so kind and caring, and you'd never signed up for this like he had when he joined the military. He thought of you as one of his own, and had always tried to look out for you when he could. He hadn't been able to stop you from getting shot somehow, though, even when it happened right in front of him. He didn't know why it couldn't have been him; he was right there next to you. He was usually sitting in one of the chairs outside the room close to Gigi, where he could still see you but where he didn't have to deal with the anxious, desperate energy radiating off of Myc and Reagan.

Bear-O was Reagan's robot, even if she hadn't wanted him, and Rand was her shitty dad. Instead of blaming it on them, however, she had somehow twisted it up in her thoughts to put all the blame on herself, though no one else shared her opinion. If she had never been there, you never would've gotten shot, never would've ended up on this shitty little patient bed. She didn't leave your hospital room often, especially since there was a bathroom and shower there in the room. She ate the food Brett brought and slept on the couch in the corner of the room, not wanting to leave in case you woke up.

Andre was the only one who didn't try to stay so close to you all the time. He usually hung out in the breakroom or in front of the Cognito building, a growing pile of cigarettes at his feet from chain smoking. It wasn't because he didn't care, far from it; you were one of his closest friends, and he spent a lot of time over at your place, happily playing third wheel as he watched movies or ate dinner with you and Myc. The two of you had your own personal memories too, of when you'd play video games together or you'd talk softly to him and soothe him during his panic attacks in a way that Myc wasn't really capable of. As a medic, you'd always been there to help him when he'd accidentally overdose on something too, so he owed you his life several times over.

Seeing you lying unconscious in that bed, Myc curled around your body and mumbling incoherently to you while Reagan and Gigi intermittently switched places holding your cold, limp hands, it made him want to vomit. The thought of you not waking up made his stomach churn, and he didn't want to think about what Myc would do if you didn't come to soon. His usually snarky, laid-back best friend was nowhere to be seen as of late; in his place was a distraught shell of the mushroom, never leaving your side.

Andre knew how anxious Myc had been about falling for you and getting into something serious, the two of them had talked about it many times before the start of your relationship. His main reason for not wanting to give in to his feelings had been just how frail and delicate humans were in comparison to Myc's species. Here he was, finally having allowed himself to openly love you and get attached to you, and he'd already proven himself right. Loss was something relatively normal for Myc, but Andre knew that this had to be far worse than anything he'd handled before.

Brett, though he was also sad and stressed about your condition, had taken it upon himself to take care of the rest of the gang while they waited with bated breath for some good news. He brought breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the group every day, and usually ended up bringing them changes of clothes too, if they couldn't force themselves to leave the building. He wanted to do something, anything, to help his friends, and this was the best he could think of. He often wrote notes for you too, things about how everyone was doing and how progress on repairs was going, so that you could read them when you woke up.

Throughout that hellish week and the beginning of the next, you showed no signs of waking up. You never moved, and you had to be kept fed and hydrated through tubes and machines. Myc had never had any reason to be in a human medical facility, and though he had an idea of what it would be like from TV and media, seeing you attached to all those foreign objects felt unnatural and unsettling. Feeling the thick, rough bandages that covered that gruesome section of your torso beneath your patient gown made him queasy, making him think about the way you looked in his arms that day, about how he had to plug your wounds to stop any more blood from dribbling out. The pool of crimson that had surrounded you and was slathered across his many limbs when Robotus finally came charging down the hall with Glenn and Andre to pick you up, there was so much.

The only time Myc had gotten off of your bed since you'd been moved to the medical wing was when the doctors had to change your bandages or examine you, and even then he stayed right next to the bed, crawling right back up as soon as they'd left. His flagella were always on you, draped across your chest and stomach beneath your blankets, tracing the shapes of your features. He had known he loved you before, but it wasn't until you'd gotten hurt that he realized just how absolutely whipped he was. If someone had told him a year or two ago that he would be desperately in love with some puny human, he would've laughed in their face.

Here he was though, whispering his thoughts to your unconscious body, praying that you'd wake up soon. "It's so lonely without you," he'd mumble softly, holding your head to his orb. "I wish I could tell your parents why you haven't been answering their calls. They've left so many messages for you. They're worried, we're worried. I need you, I can't go home without you. Please... come back soon."

Though you couldn't hear much, there were many passing sentiments such as these that managed to reach you even as you slept. You could hear your friends every so often, could feel their hands on yours, the gentle touches to your head and the wounds on your stomach. You wanted to wake up so badly, wanted to scream that you were there, that you heard what they said and missed them too.

"I'm so sorry, (Y/n), this is all my fault... I never should've trusted Rand..."

"C'mon, kid, just get up already... You've sure got us all on edge right now... I'll treat you to something nice when you get up, okay...?"

"Things aren't the same without you, (Y/n)... Myc's not himself, and the whole gang has been so quiet lately, as if they don't want to talk or laugh without you... I've got your breakfast here, just in case you wake up today... Might be a little cold, but I'm sure it'll still taste good..."

Finally, after two weeks of nothing, you regained consciousness.

Your eyes fluttered open to see the spotted ceiling tiles of the medical wing. Muffled talking from the hallway and the beeping of a heart rate monitor reached your ears, and the smell of something sugary filled the room. You felt something wrapped around you, and only had to turn your head slightly to bump into the soft, foam-like gills of your boyfriend. He was asleep, his orb dim and breathing slow.

Biting your chapped bottom lip in thought, you reached up to touch him, running your fingertips along the rim of his cap before moving to his "neck," where his stem and orb connected. An almost inaudible moan came from within him, followed by a short huff and a tired giggle as you ghosted your fingers over his skin. His orb began to glow a little brighter as he swatted you away, and brighter still as you used the back of your other hand to rub against him gently. You beamed lovingly at him as he seemed to fully wake up, his chuckling fading away.

"(Y/n)?" he asked quietly, still with disbelief. Your smile grew into a toothy grin as you nodded at him. Suddenly you were swarmed with squeezing tentacles, Myc having jumped fully on top of you. Giddy laughter from both of you filled the room as he felt all over your body, as if he really couldn't believe you were awake. He was almost crushing his own cap as he nuzzled roughly into your face and neck, basking in the warmth of your ticklish laughter and voice. He was positively attacking you with love, catching your arms and legs as you squirmed underneath him and using his other two flagella to run over your sides and chest with renewed spirit.

Your friends heard the commotion from outside and opened the door to see you writhing and cackling under Myc, who was moving more vigorously than they'd seen him move in what felt like ages. Gigi screeched and ran up to wrap her arms around you, shoving Myc to the side. Brett and Reagan did the same, piling on top of you like children while Glenn waited patiently to the side, wiping tears from his eyes. "Alright, let the kid breathe, you animals," he guffawed, grinning at the scene before him.

Remembering your condition, the three of them quickly backed off, though they continued to hover and fawn over you.

"I can't believe it," Gigi wept, covering her mouth as she sobbed. For the first time since you'd met her, she wasn't wearing any makeup; it was refreshing, though you felt bad as you saw how puffy her face was from crying. "We were so worried," she says, trying to take deep breaths.

"(Y/n), I'm so sorry," Reagan sniffled, trying and failing to fight back her own tears as she took your hand in hers. "This is all my fault, I don't know how I can make it up to you, just-- I'll try to figure out--"

"It's okay, Reagan," you giggled, sitting up just enough to pull her into another hug. "It's not your fault, okay? I don't blame you."

She squeezed her eyes shut and nodded rapidly before opening them again to smile at you. Brett had quickly crossed the room, showing up beside you again with a few paper bags in hand. "The-These are for you," he said, his voice breaking as you took the bags from him. "G-Got them fr... from Donut Palace. There's a-a pig in a blanket in there, t-too."

That was about all he could manage before he, too, started bawling. You laughed cheerily as your friends all tried to regain their composure, but the whole room was leaking tears with abandon; that they were so happy to see you made you misty-eyed as well. Gigi suddenly gasped and began striding off toward the door. "I've gotta tell Andre," she exclaimed, waving before she walked out.

"It's good to see you awake again, kid," Glenn crowed tearfully, clapping a hand down on your head to ruffle your hair. "Hasn't been the same without you, soldier."

"Thanks, Glenn," you chuckled, reaching out to give him a hug. "I'm happy to see you guys again."

"Alright, you've all had your turn, now get outta my way," Myc griped, hopping back up on the bed to lay across your body protectively. He lifted his head up to look at you, rubbing against your cheek lovingly with one of his flagella. "God, I missed you," he coos, pressing his orb to your forehead. "I missed you so fucking much."

"I missed you, too," you bubbled, sniffling happily as you nuzzled into him before pressing several sloppy kisses into him wherever you could reach. He hummed appreciatively, tightening his limbs around you. You let your arms hang around his stem in a loose embrace; you didn't have the strength to squeeze him at the moment. It felt good to hold him nonetheless, and you savored that feeling, committing it to memory.

"Please don't do anything more than that right now," Reagan said, looking on hesitantly as Myc grappled onto you like a sloth. "I know it's been awhile, but I'd like to go home without having to bleach my eyeballs today, thanks."

"I dunno," Brett remarked, hand on his chin in thought as you cackled at Reagan's insinuation. "I have questions that need answers."

"Stop," you groaned jokingly, pushing Myc to the side so that you could look at your friends in mock disappointment. "You guys should know me better than that. I'm not into blatant exhibitionism, jeez."

"I am," Myc snickered. You were about to scold him when the heavy metal door to your room flew open and hit the wall with a bang. You and your friends all turned to look, eyes landing on Andre and Gigi, who were both huffing and puffing as though they'd just run a mile. Knowing how big the Cognito building was, they might've. "Look who finally woke up," Myc greeted, sitting back to wave at his best friend.

Andre broke into a grin, and before you knew it you'd been encased in yet another set of arms. You couldn't help but breathe in his scent as he hugged you tight; he smelled purely of cigarettes and sweat, and you wondered just how rough the situation had been for him. "It's good to see you too, Andre," you chortled, running your hands over his back as he crushed you in his hug.

"You don't know how terrible these past two weeks have been," he muttered into your hair. He finally pulled back, an immediate relief to your poor neck and shoulders, and cupped your face in his hands. "Don't ever scare us like that again, okay? I can't handle that kind of stress anymore."

"I'll try my best not to get shot in the future," you promised, removing his hands from your face to hold them in your own. "Are you doing okay?"

"I am now," he sighs, sliding off of you to give you some more space. Looking across the room to the patient bathroom, he asked, "Do you think I could use that shower real quick? I feel gross, I haven't left Cognito in, like... three days, I think."

"Be my guest," you laugh, gesturing to the bathroom. He nods and smiles weakly at you, and you can tell he's tired. It's clear that everyone's stress has been taking a toll on him. As he leaves, you take the two bags of food that Brett handed you before and peek inside. The scent of donuts and meat immediately makes your mouth water. "Fuck, I'm hungry. Feels like I haven't eaten in weeks."

"You haven't," Myc reminds you, making you and your friends chuckle. As you bite down into one of the soft pastries, Myc sits up to address the room. "Hey, folks, you think we can get a little bit of privacy here? Somebody needs to go and grab the doctor anyways."

"Well, at least you asked before you two started fucking," Reagan grumbles, prompting you to roll your eyes goodnaturedly at her.

"You can have your time, but in ten minutes we're coming back in, so don't get too frisky," Gigi warned, giving Myc a side-eye as she turned on her heel for the door.

"We'll be right outside," Glenn adds with a harrumph, "so no funny business."

"Enjoy your donuts, (Y/n)," Brett says cheerfully, shooing the rest of your friends out with a smile before following suit. Aside from Andre in the bathroom, you and Myc were now the only two in the room.

"Alone at last," Myc chuckled slyly, stretching himself out across you once more. A coy tentacle tries to worm its way playfully beneath your blankets, but you catch it and pull it up to kiss it insteading, holding it while you take another bite of your food.

"Mmm," you hum in satisfaction, letting your eyes roll back. "This donut is orgasmic."

Myc snakes closer to you, his orb halting a few inches away from your face. "Oh, is it, now?"

You giggle in amusement before lightly shoving him away. "I'm not serious, you little hornball," you say, chuckling at the way he seems to wilt a little. "We're in a public place. Andre is literally like fifteen feet away in the shower."

"Hasn't stopped us before," Myc pouts.

"No means no, babe." He sighs, caving in, and moves to lay down by your side instead of on top of you; you scoot over a bit to give him some more room. As a few of his flagella come to rest atop you, you tease, "So, you love me, huh?"

He snorts at that. "I tolerate you," he replies, though the way one of his tentacle comes up to gently trace your cheeks and jaw says otherwise. You roll onto your side and prop your head up with your arm to look at him better, a task that's much more difficult than you thought it would be due to your unused muscles.

You reach over to draw a little heart on the front of his orb with your index finger, a gesture that makes him snuggle further into your side. "Well, just so you know," you said sweetly, resting your hand against him, "I love you, whether you love me or not."

He was quiet for a moment, just enjoying the way you had begun rubbing up and down his stem. "You don't have to feel sorry for not saying it before," he remarked abruptly, prompting a curious look from you. "I heard you, when Robotus picked you up to bring you here," he explained. "You felt bad, but I already knew when I said it to you that you felt the same."

"Still, you deserved to hear it out loud. And I wanted to say it to you. I liked hearing you say it."

"Well, I'll say it as many times as you want from now on," he promised, ruffling your hair. "I'm not gonna wait 'til you have another near-death experience this time."

You hum contentedly at his sentiment, moving to rest your head on your pillow and pulling him closer until there wasn't an inch between you. "It'd be okay even if you didn't say it again. I still love you."

"I love you, too," he mumbled softly, letting himself bask in your company. He didn't ever want to lose you again.

[sweetberrysmooch]

HC: Call This The ‘Can This Man Cook’ Section

(….. I don’t think these men can cook 😔)

First post pog :D I wrote a majority of these super late at night, so please forgive and let me know of any mistakes you find <3 Also, it’s a little long lol

Characters: Dream, George, SapNap, Badboyhalo, Wilbur, Technoblade, Philza, Quackity, Fundy, Schlatt.

Warnings: None, except for a kinda risqué comment in Philza’s. Oh and I guess there’s mentions of eating meat in case someone wants the warning :3

Song Recommendation: I Love You So- The Walters

Hella fluffy! Hope you enjoy <3

From best to worst:

#1: BadBoyHalo-

Bad is the best at cooking on the server. He is the creme of the crop, absolute top one percent, king shit at cooking.

He can cook, bake, and temper chocolate perfectly, what more could you want?

His favorite to-go recipes are cheesy garlic bread and a special spicy chicken and rice recipe which he typically makes when the boys are over at his house for the night. When he’s with you he goes for something a little smoother, some mulled sweet berry cider with a smoked cod fillet, eaten under the light of candles while you quietly chat about life and your fellow friends. It’s always one of Bad’s most anticipated hangouts, and he’s very careful about planning when it comes to those days.

While he appreciates being complimented on his food or his skills, deep down he wants to have someone to cook and share his knowledge with so the cooking process becomes much richer. He’s cooked for so long and learned so much, but it means nothing if he can’t share it with another person. The moment you come to him and ask him for help on any kind of recipe, he’ll drop almost everything to help you.

Side note; he absolutely carried lunch and dinner for his fellow DTeam members. While Sapnap would mostly take over breakfast, Bad would be hounded by begging puppy looks from these adult men who couldn’t cook and kind of just sigh and get the ‘kiss the cook’ apron ready. It’s not like he hates it or anything, but the endearing factor kinda slips off after a few years of adult men groveling.

(Bad’s hands rest over yours, dwarfing them entirely as he helps you cut the pasta sheet straightly. “There you go!” He encourages, squeezing your hand gently and stepping away, moving back to dice the vegetables on the cutting board next to you. A comfortable silence falls, and with it comes something in Bad’s heart softening. The worries and exhaustion in his mind ease, and he slips into a contented routine of finely chopping and slicing. It’s been a while since he’s felt so calm. There’s nothing that can ruin this- 

The front door slams open. Footsteps walk in and approach the kitchen and you both hear it, 

“Baaaaaaaaad.” Bad cringes, taking a step back.

“Baaaaaaaaaaad, we’re hungry.” Sapnap. 

“Yeah Bad, feeeeeeeed uuuuuuus.” George. 

And then, from around the door frame, a white mask peeks in. Nobody says a word, but you can feel Bad deflate next to you like let go balloon. 

“It’s alright, big guy.” You laugh, grabbing his forearm and leaning up against him. His sad puppy eyes make you smile a little, and you try to reassure him. “We can hang out alone another time. Let’s keep working on the pasta.” He sighs, but still returns your smile. “Yeah, another time.”)

#2: Philza 

Sigh…. he can cook. Not quite as good as Bad can, but better than Quackity. A solid second place. It stems mainly from being so knowledgeable that he just knows and has tried so many different foods, but since he doesn't actually do much cooking, I'm making him a flaky second place.

Doesn’t mind cooking, but doesn’t love doing it either. He’s always focused on so many different things that he’ll forgo eating to keep working on what he’s doing. He mostly cooks for Techno and Ranboo or the few guests (you) they seem to receive. Makes great stew, and even better roasted chicken, is absolutely immaculate when it comes to cooking bird.

He didn’t teach Wilbur or Techno shit! I wish I could say it’s because he wanted to but just couldn’t, but he was literally like “hmm. Im a little busy now, maybe next year” every year!! But, this being said, if you ask him to make something with you or teach you how to cook a particular dish, he will agree to help you. Old age has really mellowed him out, and after certain events, he realizes he needs to stay a bit closer to those he cares about from now on.

He likes sweets well enough, and will always thank you for any gifts you make for him. Along with growing older, he’s had time to lose his pickiness he had in his youth. If he does end up cooking with you, he’ll prefer doing the harder recipes over easy ones. He will lose it laughing if it turns out bad, so don’t worry about any disappointment (his children make up enough of that ^^).

(“Now,” Phil starts, washing his hands quickly as you wait for him next to the cutting board. “Pufferfish needs to be prepared perfectly, or we will die when we eat it. But I don’t need to explain to you how a pufferfish works, now do I?” 

When you shake your head no, he comes up behind you, tarnished wings bound and hair pulled up in a pony tail. 

“The meat of a pufferfish is very delectable, and much better with a glass of wine.” He grins cheekily, “ If this works out well, which I’m sure it will, dinner will be delicious.” 

It falls quiet for a second, and as your hesitantly looking over the fish that may be your last, you gasp when you feel him press up against you back and rest his chin on your shoulder. “Maybe there’ll be other delicious things to eat as well,” He murmurs into you ear, before leaning back and busting out laughing. Your face feels stupidly hot. Dilfza quest activated.)

#3: Quackity-

Quackity:

Quackity can cook. I know!! I’d say he’s like the third best cooker on the list. And he’s not half bad at baking either.

He likes making up stupid bad recipes and trying them out with you, even if at the end of it the one of you up chucks your damned creations the hour after. Despite his reigning need for chaos though, he knows how to make a decent amount of recipes and strives for praise when he’s actually putting forward effort. He’ll arrange little dinner dates (“A handsome man and his very pretty friend, good food made by yours truly, and La Chona, what do you say, baby?”) and will sit there with a 🥺 look on his face until you tell him if you liked it or not.

He tries to act like he’s unaffected by your words, but even a small, “That was really good.” will make him turn red and giggle like a schoolgirl. He tries to play it off, but it’s easy to tell he loves the complements. Will also never tell you anything you make is bad. You are a deity descended upon  minecraft Earth and he is but your prettiest disciple who will uphold your honor and treat you like you should be treated!!!! But he’ll then promptly choose to help you with and guide you into cooking/baking better ^^; He loves you!

As for baking, he really likes making cakes because of how simple they can be. It helps calm him down when he can just slip into bake mode and follow a recipe and make something nice at the end of it. Speaking of, he also has a sweet tooth, but not quite as bad as Techno does. Any sweets or food you make for him is always eaten, and always held in high regard. Will try to entice you into feeding him 👀👀 so watch out.

(He’s doing it again. You try to avoid looking directly at the dopey lovesick smile Quackity has on his face at the moment, but as you lift the fork up, you get a better idea. 

You look at him (to which he seems to melt a little under your gaze), look at the fork, and then back to him, raising the piece of cake up to his lips. His expression turns flabbergasted and his blush deepens. 

He doesn’t seem to believe you for a second, until you nudge the cake close and flash him a smile. Then it’s like a switch has been flicked; he giggles, blushing, and eats the cake right off the fork. He’s gone back to smiling that silly smile again, this time even brighter, but it’s okay. You try to ignore the way your heart speeds up in your chest when he begs you for another piece.)

#4: Schlatt-

Another cooker~! He specializes with formal dinners more than anything else, and adores a good steak.

During his presidency, he didn’t cook very often. Quackity and you had to keep him fed through most of it, and the memory of watching you cook in his kitchen while he looked over work papers at his dining table leaves a mark on him, sealing a new crave for domesticity that he hadn’t ever wanted before.

Sometimes he would cook though. You, Quackity, and Tubbo would all gather around and eat together every once in a blue moon, when Schlatt was sober and calm. It feels tense at the table but also not in a way? Schlatt always seems to be chillest during dinner, a mix of the alcohol wearing off and the emphatic family feel that comes with Tubbo, Quackity, and you surrounding him.

He loves cake! It’s one of the few desserts he’ll eat, but you have to watch him closely or he’ll gorge himself of the treat. Indulge him and invite him to make a cake with you, and it will be one of the most interesting bakes of your life. How Schlatt got three eggs to stick to the ceiling is beyond you, but the look in his eyes tells you he’s completely fucking sober and hamming up his own cluelessness. You probably wouldn’t have even noticed if it weren’t for him hiding all the other eggs around your kitchen as well. How did he get one on the top of your door without it falling when you opened it? That’s between him and god.

Overall, a good 4th place on the list.

(“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Schlatt says, deadpanned, looking you right in the fucking eyes with an undisturbed egg sitting perfectly straight on his head. 

“Where are the eggs, Schlatt.” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“Schlatt.” 

“Yes.” 

The container you kept them in is completely empty on your kitchen counter, once full of eggs but now reduced to a desolate husk of its former glory. Speaking of former glories, your president turns around, arms crossed and stands there silently. 

You look around. Theres one in the door handle of in the pantry, another wedged between two slices of bread in your bread box, and- oh god. On the fucking ceiling. Three, stuck to the ceiling, unmovable. After a full minute of dead silence you manage a “What the fuck have you done?”, and Schlatt turns to look. 

“Oh hey. There they are.” Your mind turns into a rock, shatters, and crumbles into dust.)

#5: Dream-

Honestly if you’re looking for edible food that tastes range from ok to good Dream is your man. 5th place.

He knows a lot of ‘depression era’ type recipes just because he’s pretty homeless and his man hunts don’t allow him much time to hone his skills. Stuff like bread or mushroom stew comes easy to him after so many times of having to do it on the run. Bread is the only baking he won’t screw up.

Can cook meat well enough too, but doesn’t really do anything special to it (besides his sauces).

To elaborate: Over the unknown span of his life, he’s acquired these recipes for forgotten and questionable sauces that he’ll store in little jars and leave at your house for you to use. They’re odd, and the ingredients aren’t ever what you think might be edible, but they’re surprisingly tasty none the less. He likes to show you a new one every month or so to keep things fresh.

Pretty general about sweets, but has a severe love for chocolate, especially dark chocolate. Has never had one, but dreams about chocolate cake. It’s high on his bucket list and written another four times over.

One of his favorite things to do with you is bake, mainly because of how ruinous it always turns out. No matter your skill, Dream’s vibes decimates any luck the two of you will have while baking. It’s scientifically proven. You left the cupcakes in for a minute-JUST a minute over what they should’ve been and they came out rock solid. Dream tried to eat one anyway. Best part was watching him try to bite through the shell.)

(He thinks he’s over selling it, half-gnawing on the brown cupcake (it was supposed to be vanilla, he thought) and making stupid growls when his teeth barely break through the surface, but the feeling he gets when you start laughing hysterically next to him wipes away any negative thought he had and fills him with utter joy. 

It's very late into the night, and you’re both a little loopy, but all the while you still lean against him as you giggle, the spot tingling where your hand rests on his arm. 

His heart thumps crazily, before sinking. Oh god. He’s in love with you.)

#6: Technoblade-

Knows a lot, but very little. He can cook the meat perfectly fine, but there’s a difference between being cooked and tasting good. He doesn’t know how to season them. Salt is the bare minimum you get.

6th place ^^; sorry king.

He’s good with potatoes though. I like to think that the countless hours spent potato farming had to account for something. He likes having cheese and butter on them every once in a while, but for the most part just eats them salted like an animal. It’s practically a show to watch him eat a cooked potato in three bites without anything but salt on it.

Big man loves food though, even if he doesn’t eat like it. Steak and cooked fish are high on his list of foods, but only if it’s cooked by Philza. And eventually you fall into his “I trust to eat this from you” category as well, but he has a special place in his heart for Phil’s cooking. Rabbit stew is at the very top.

He also eats a lot, being 6’10 and 200 something pounds of muscle, gotta consume quite a bit to keep him moving.

As for the sweeter variety of food, he’s got a massive sweet tooth. The moment you make him an apple pie or honey candy or anything of the like, he’s immediately enamored with you. Sweet things are hard to come by on the smp, especially with how far out he lives, but it’s a secret weakness of his that is very easily exploitable.

(You’ll be the death of him, he thinks, watching you closely as you trudge your way through the freshly fallen snow towards his house. Your normal pack is lighter than it usually looks, and he worries that you may slip and hurt yourself on the ice before you make it to the door. But still, you keep walking until you're standing at his doorstep, fist raised to knock when he opens it for you. 

You look surprised for a second, and then a grin splits your face and his heart races. 

“I can’t stay for long,” you say, having spent at least 30 minutes to get there. “But I wanted to drop this off for you before you went out to hunt again.” 

Out of the bag, you pull another smaller leather bag and hand it to him gently. It rests heavy in his palm, and for a moment he’s sure it’s ender pearls that you’ve brought him. But still he opens it, and he’s immediately taken aback by the smooth golden candies you brought him. 

“They’re honey candies.” At this point you’re practically grinning. “I thought you might like some while I was making them last night.” 

He doesn’t have to see his own face to feel the deep blush setting in on his cheeks and ears. You…. you’re so…… sweet. You are very…. sweet, he admits to himself, and he is very not attached to you. Not at all.)

#7: Fundy and Sapnap tie.

Fundy- 

Has his old man's cluelessness but is a fast learner. He doesn’t have much time to expand his food repertoire so it’s pretty much the basic stuff that he’s eaten during the war or before that when he was younger.

He really likes cooking though, and will invite you to come cook with him for dinner or lunch if he wants to hang out. When they were together, Dream had given him an old dusty cookbook that had several recipes he hadn’t ever heard of before, so that’s where most of what he tries to make comes from. His favorite to date was a special mutton dish that he asked you to try with him on his last birthday. It was just the two of you, but he had never had so much fun before.

Doesn’t like eating fish however, there’s just some bad vibe he gets when he thinks about cooking one or catching one. (Desperately ignores the fish fucker. Desperately ignores the fish fucker. Despera-)

Loves sweet berries as treats, seeing as that’s the only sweet thing he grew up with. Not too big on other sweet flavors. Likes honey in his tea though.

7th place cooker, will get higher as he learns more dishes.

(He raises his wine high with a laugh, clinking your glass with it as you both giggle drunkenly. 

The lamb you had cooked together turned out amazing, juicy and tender and flavored with crimson fungus juice. The recipe was from an old cookbook he had, he faintly remembers telling you, hiding the fact that it was Dream’s cookbook that he was given after a particularly nasty argument. 

He doesn’t want to think about him, especially not while he’s with you. Especially not when it’s his birthday. 

So instead he ponders the trip through the nether he took with you to harvest some of the fungi, how the juice was tangy and slightly bitter, but how it had done wonders when basted onto the meat while frying. 

You had looked so happy when you two plated the dish, so proud of him, all in a way that Dream never was. 

Even now, as you tiredly smile at him from across the table, cheeks pink and eyes focused solely on the moment you were sharing, he feels at peace for once. This is what contentment felt like. Oh, how he loves you so.)

Sapnap-

Shame the shit cooker. Ok ok, he’s not as bad as some of the others on this list, but that’s just because he can make a half decent breakfast. It’s not much competition.

Bad has desperately tried to teach this boy some cooking besides eggs and toast, but the only things that seem to have stuck are mashed potatoes and grilled pork chops. Neither of which he even likes enough to make often.

He prefers fish to meat, and would eat any kind of cod you offered to him. Likes smoked salmon a lot, it’s something Bad made for him a lot when he was younger. He tries to recreate the dish, but comes up short and feels disheartened when it isn’t like Bad’s. He’d appreciate any time you took with him to learn how to make the dish, and it wholly sticks to his mind afterwards. He never forgets the experience, and treasures it very closely.

Likes not-sweet sweets. Not bitter per say, but just not very sweet. He likes chewy taffy in particular, but the old lady kind that lasts 60 years but gets hard in 6 minutes after being exposed to open air. Gotta be polite about it too, or he’ll end up embarrassed and pout for an hour.

(He’s eaten 6 of those fucking taffies since you sat down on the couch, completely straight-faced as the two of you of you listen to Dream and George talking. 

At this point you’re completely checked out of their conversation, solely focused on the taffy Sapnap keeps eating. Where does he even get those? How many does he have?? You’ve been friends with him long enough to have seen him pop a taffy every other second of the day. He seems to have a stash on him at all times tucked away, filled with paper-wrapped pastel covered sweets. 

“Want one?” Sapnap asks, holding out a light blue taffy with a little star drawn in yellow dye on the wrapper. 

“What?” Startled, you lean back a bit and realize you had been staring him down as he ate, and flush with how rude that probably seemed. 

“Want a taffy? I don’t mind sharing with you, cutie.” He winks and offers the taffy again. “....” You gaze at the taffy curiously. You’ve never seen him offer another person one of his precious taffies before. Hmm. “...Yes, thanks.” 

You take it delicately, unwrapping the wrapper and taking a bite of it experimentally. It’s very lightly sweet, soft and chewy and surprisingly pleasant. 

Sapnap watches you from the corner of his eye, softly smiling when he sees you eat the rest of it. Glad to see someone else has good tastes around here.)

#8. George-

Meager man makes a meager meal. I said what I said!!! This flatbread boy knows diddly squat, and the only things he can cook successfully are bread and mushroom soup. Which he will make. And that’s all he’ll make. Any food that isn’t that is cooked by either Bad or Dream, and he’s still picky about it.

He’ll make you the soup and bread ladies and gents. I’m not saying they’ll taste great together, but he will definitely make them for you. Anything else he’s pretty critical about, and he doesn’t care much for treats or dessert. He does occasionally like dark chocolate though, which he and Dream will beg Bad to make for them. Soon he begs you to make it for him, and then you have to go ask Bad how he makes it so George won’t complain about how it tastes different from Bads. It’s a weird situation. You make a lot of chocolate. Dream and George linger at your house for weeks on end until you get fed up and shoo them away with a broom.

To his credit, even though he can’t cook much, he’s really proud of his mushroom stew. Any time you let him cook, his go-to is his mushroom stew. He likes to feed you and know that you’re not hungry somewhere, and to top it off he gets to show you his prized dish; not Bad’s or Dream’s stew, but his. He’s cute or whateva…

(George places the bowl down in front you, stepping back and turning to grab his own, before sitting down next to you. He immediately begins to eat, and you give him a half glance as you bring the soup up to smell it. 

It… doesn’t smell that bad, actually. Not burnt, at least. You spoon some of the soup into your mouth. 

Despite all you’ve seen of George’s cooking, this is pretty well made. It’s nice and warm, and the flavors are rich and the mushrooms soft. You choose to ignore the small smile of his face next to you, and keep eating your soup quietly together.)

#9: Wilbur

Wilbur can’t cook for shit. Literally nothing. This man knows apples grow from trees and that animals are made of meat and that’s it.

You think Wilbur made any of his food when he was president or exiled or ever? Not a chance. He ate anything given to him, Tubbo and Tommy absolutely brought this man all the food they could find so he wouldn’t get eat straight trash or starve throughout the presidency. Techno slid him bare cooked potatoes in Pogtopia and he thought “oh this slaps….. this is the pinnacle of food”

Which I know, not really sexy. But! This means that the moment you feed him something a step up from a bare cooked potato he is in food heaven. He especially loves saucier kinds of foods with lots of flavor and spice to them, it’s just so fucking good. Food becomes his kryptonite after you feed this silly man.

With sweets, however, he isn’t that much of a fan. He does like those small lemon creme crackers, and you and da boys are the only ppl he’ll share them with.

(You hear him before you see him. The familiar clambering at your window draws your attention away from the pork you were dicing, and one look over your shoulder shows a disheveled but grinning Wilbur. 

“I hope I’m not too late for dinner.” He jokes, brushing off his pants before approaching you to press a kiss to your temple. Soon after that you hear another set of clambering, and two pairs of stomps reveals one Tommy and one Tubbo respectively. 

“What’s for dinner tonight, mate?” 

“Hope you don’t mind if we join in!” 

You sigh, turning back to hide your smile before they can see it.)

// Hope you enjoyed! I might write a pt2 of this later with some other ppl in it lol we’ll see :3

[justmeandmyships]

List of things that made you and your other one soulmates:

Cuddles all night

Being able to touch/ play with their faces like nobody else

Unnecessary hugs

Their parents saying they can die in peace because you have someone who takes care of you even more than they do

The two of you bickering about nonsense and getting lost in your own world even in front of everyone

Sitting over each other laps like it’s the most natural thing to do, even though there are hundreds of chairs empty

Sitting close even when the space is big enough for you to move a little bit and let each other breath

Smiling from ear to ear when they called you

Staying you loved them public at any moment you can

Getting mad when they say you’re “friends”

Staying you’re soulmates not once but multiple times, even though you could have just say you’re family or something like that

Wishing them happy birthday multiple times for multiple days. Doing so much that even yourself have to asked them “how many times are you keep celebrating me” (pd: if this happens just shut up and enjoy lol)

Your mom treated them like another son/daughter

Your dad call them something with the word in law 😏

You cry because you realize you love them and care to deeply for them

You do the best you can to see them when you miss them

You only brag about the gifts they gave you

You sing looking straight into their eyes

You get excited because your boat sail together

Unnecessary hugs again

You LOVE to rest your leg over their legs

You cook for them

They cross the city just to see you and you’re lazy

They spoil you so much that even YOU admit you’re spoiled by them

You offer to driven them places even when you hate to drive and that’s so hypocrites of you that people had to call you on it

You never ask “how are you? What do you need?” You just ask them to smile for you and proceed to do something to light them up

Your birthday wish is for them to always remain this close to you and to speak things if something is bothering them

You change your dream place destination according to the things they’re interested at the moment, i.e they want to go japan, so you do, they start loving sports and their favorite team is from London, so you want to take them to London ❤️❤️

They became territorial over you

You love to bossy them for no reason and at any moment

If you’re playing and they are not paying attention to you, you call them and order them to stay with you/ proceed to play while holding hands/ hugging

You love to feed them at inconvenient and serious moments lmao

You two support each other even when you’re in opposite team while playing

You admit that you have never been loved this way

When you get nervous, they confort you and take you somewhere else and you two proceed to talk for two hours straight

You love to kiss them without them expecting it. They hate it though

You imagine being in their lives until you’re old

You’re too clingy. Everybody knows it. They know it and tell you about it, so you try to calm down yourself but failed. They loved it anyways

You think cuddles=couple.

You love the deep conversation you two have everyday

You have deep conversations

You forget about other people talking to you as soon they appear

They love rubbing their head in you like a kitten

You finished each other sentences

You love to sit by their side/ you make sure to sit by their side even if it’s means to kill some people in the process lmao (not literally but yes literally)

They love when you become territorial

You two get so sad when you fight

You two get shy when somebody says you’re meant to be and your relationship could remain for a long long time. (Yes, it is)

You keep an eye on each other even when you’re in a public event working 😑

People around love to tease you saying you’re their “boyfriend” or something like that

Your sister loves them too

You love to post about the two of you but not in your regular post but in your stories (you know why)

They love to post about you too 😊

They make you shy

They love to hit you out of nowhere and for no reason 😠. They apologize as soon as they see their game went too far

You two acknowledge your mistake but deep down you know they admit it more because they have you spoiled

Your friends and teamworkers are supportive

You play around too much

You help each other to be better in your work

The two of you shares the same visions of life and happiness

You two sleep on the same bed

I’ll stop now but in case you haven’t figured it out, yes, these people are Ohm and Nanon because they are SOULMATES and they’re going to be the death of me. There’s no discussion about it.

[yaboylevi]

“Let’s talk!”

In this post, I’d like to examine why the words chosen to sway and stop Eren in chapter 133 didn’t resonate with some readers, as well as with Eren.

Disclaimer #1: This isn’t a justification of any kind. I merely tried to look in a critical way at the individual parts, because while reading them, I felt a disconnect with what the 104th thought could get to Eren.  As I read, it felt obvious that what they were saying wasn’t gonna work. So I asked myself, Is Isayama such a bad writer that all his characters say is so obviously inappropriate or ineffective, or is this on purpose? (I still don’t know the answer)

Disclaimer #2: I realize that the 104th was suddenly brought in front of “Eren”, so they were surprised, and didn’t have time to sort through their reasonings, but I’d also say they have had plenty of time before. Also, maybe the suddenness of it all was actually a good thing, so we could see how some of the characters really felt.

Let’s start with Jean:

“We’ll figure out the rest from here” and, after Eren says he won’t stop, “Why not? Are you saying you can’t trust us?!”

First of all, Eren has been feeling like he was partially* pushed to this outcome, because in 4 years they couldn’t figure out what else to do to save the island in the long term. They still cannot come up with anything better than “we will be left alone for a while”, so Jean’s words offer an empty promise. It has been established that Eren won’t settle for “a while”, he wants a “forever”. Never mind that a temporary solution would still require for Historia and her kids to be sacrificed.

*Eren also feels like it was his own fault, due to “his past self wishing for everything to disappear”. We are still not sure what this means exactly, and if it is true (I’m thinking of Paths shenanigans here).

Then, Jean talks about “trust”, particularly in comrades in arms. This is a topic that has been explored repeatedly since the beginning of the story, through Levi’s “make a choice” speeches, and Eren’s harsh experiences. Basically: when Eren decided to trust in his friends and comrades, in the forest of Giant Trees, Levi’s squad got killed, Eren captured, Levi injured. All in all, it resulted in many losses, and Eren has felt a deep guilt for that outcome ever since those events, all the way through Uprising Arc and probably even later on. No matter that it wasn’t his fault, he felt that it was. So the next time he had to decide whether to trust in himself or in his comrades, he decided to trust in himself. The story also calls back to the time he “chose wrong”, as if it wasn’t an obvious parallel already.

Eren is rewarded with his friends safe and sound.

So it is no surprise that, as much as Eren - I believe -  would love to trust them, experience told him that he cannot, or the price to pay will be their lives. Eren has been entrusting the SC to find another solution to the Rumbling for 3-4 years, and in the end Marley was close to declare war on Paradis. Eren isn’t averse to trusting his comrades, he just feels like he cannot, not on this one choice. (Albeit I think he’s trusting them to do the choice of stopping him - but there is something he needs to do alone).

When it comes to Connie, I feel like bringing up Sasha’s death wasn’t the best of choices. Eren feels guilty about that. He broke down in such a helpless, desperate way, that I find it hard that Connie’s words would absolve any of that hatred and guilt he must be feeling. “We are the same” - both Eren and Reiner have acknowledged this about each other, and if it has even a bit of credibility, then no amount of apologies for not understanding them, or forgiveness for what they did, is gonna make them feel any better about the death and destruction they have both caused and feel guilty about. 

It was when Reiner threw himself to the ground and refused to accept Eren’s understanding and forgiveness that Eren reiterated they are the same, after all.

Hence why Connie’s words couldn’t have had the desired effect. (Also, guys, look, the “let’s band together against a common enemy is RIGHT on this page...lol)

Now, Armin’s words.

To me, it seems like he doesn’t really know what to say. Or rather, he tried every idea that bounced in his head at that moment, without a clear strategy. He didn’t have time to form one, and besides it’s difficult to decide whether to use an objective approach or an emotional one when it comes to your best friends. But even then, I felt like the reasonings, and reasons, he brought up, failed to reach Eren in a significant manner. And by this, I don’t mean that Eren wouldn’t want to just drop everything and hug his friends... we all know he would, under normal circumstances, because there is no doubt he loves them deeply... but it seems to me he has resolved to push his own feelings down and just...move forward - which is in a direction away from his friends.

Armin starts with logic, “Eren has brought so much destruction that nobody will interfere with the Island for centuries”. Except, Armin has no proof. On the other hand, Eren has probably seen that there are still enemy forces advancing in their attack of the Rumbling, so if he were to stop the Rumbling now, they’d attack Paradis. “The island is fine now.” It isn’t. I think Armin is aware that this was a lie on his part.

Armin immediately realizes that’s not good enough, and that he’s wrong, and Eren knows, so he switches to the emotional route. 

“We were wrong. We forced you to this point”. It would not resonate with Eren, because Eren is too aware of the fact that what he is doing is not because his friends never understood him. As bad as they acted toward their friend, they aren’t the cause for this war. The Rumbling exists because there are people who were ready to destroy Paradis.

This prompts Jean to bring up another elephant in the room: “Eren is doing this for our sake”…which isn’t wrong, but telling Eren he doesn’t have to do it for them just won’t make Eren stop. Eren has repeatedly stated that he wants them to live, and be free. Armin has just reminded him that if Eren stops, that freedom will be crushed, along with their lives. Eren, of course, cannot accept that.

After Eren refuses to stop, Armin gets in full desperation-mode, saying they will be forever together. This is untrue, and I am not sure Armin fully realizes in the moment (how could he not, though?), because Eren will die in 4 years, Armin in 9. Besides the more pressing matter that the island can be attacked again, if Eren stops.

Lastly, “Don’t go any futher away from us than you already have”.

This is a sentiment that Armin shares with Mikasa, since all the way back to the Clash of the Titans Arc. At the time, they thought back on how Eren was always rushing forward, leaving them behind. Mikasa’s argument, in chapter 133, also touches on this. I said “argument”, but it’s more like a confession. The chapter is called Sinners for a reason, after all.

So yeah, Mikasa.

Amongst all the ineffective argument that were brought up, Mikasa’s words are the ones that took me aback the most, honestly. I am not sure if I am interpreting this right, but she sounds like she’s okay with falling to Eren’s level, as long as she can be with him. Nothing new here, but more specifically, the worst sins Eren has committed, for example killing innocents and children, which is what Mikasa focused her horrified shock on in Liberio, she is willing to do herself. That’s how you share a burden of sins, by taking part in committing them. And that’s what she acknowledges. What she wants. She says it quietly because she seems ashamed of that. Because she wanted to be like Eren, to stay close to Eren, and to share his sins, she killed and enabled Eren. So now that she has “committed the same sins”…? She has conquered a spot next to Eren? So he should stop and come back. This seems to be her line of reasoning. This is horrifying, I understand why she didn’t have the courage to yell it.

We know that Eren’s fear is that he may have enslaved her to his will, and whether he still believes it or he has just a few doubts left, seeing Mikasa admitting to something like this, must have reminded Eren of exactly why he wants Mikasa to be separated from him. ‘Cause this isn’t healthy.

Eren surely can’t feel any better by knowing Mikasa had followed that logic - maybe unconsciously. If he tried to be firm and cruel once to get her to “abandon” him, it can only get worse.

The second part of Mikasa’s little speech isn’t any better, as far as situational context goes.

In the text, Mikasa has embodied the concept of family in regards to Eren, just as much as Armin instead embodied their childhood dream of freedom.

And sure enough, Mikasa repeats what she told Eren in Liberio: “Please come back (home)”. Well, at least the Japanese version is the same, lol.

It is (still) her wish (it seems like nothing has changed in 30 chapters). But other than that, it brings up memories of Liberio, and of Mikasa’s disappointment and pain for Eren’s actions. The fact that Mikasa is willing to forgive (or better, accept) everything just because it’s Eren, may make Eren feel like she’s still not free from his influence. He may be feeling as if he brought her to accept killing innocents as something that can be partially overlooked…And I doubt it is what he wanted.

Besides, it seems that the story wants Mikasa to learn to let go as well. If Mikasa has kept on trying to keep Eren close, and it’s now become even as explicit as saying, literally, “come back home”, that “itterasshai” at the beginning of the manga counters this need and seems to imply Mikasa (who I suppose is the girl saying that) will learn to let Eren free to “go far away from her”.

“Itterasshai”, in Japanese, is a wish for someone to be safe on their journey, whenever they go out, with the expectation that they will come back. Mikasa is soflty smiling, meaning that she is okay with Eren “going out and away”. Meanwhile, the Mikasa who costantly repeats that she wants Eren to come back, to stay close, is a Mikasa who suffers and cries.

And finally, Levi. What a lacklustre moment.

It feels like Levi believes no word can sway Eren (he isn’t wrong, but still…).

Levi has never been averse to “talking it out”. He has always mostly resorted to talking, before anything else, when it counted. With minor characters such as Dimo Reeves, but mostly with regards to Eren: when the first Levi squad was about to attack Eren, Levi tried to talk them down; whenever Eren was in doubt or set on hating himself, Levi reasoned it out with him, with heartfelt little words that hit Eren’s core at the right angle. Even when Eren was out of his mind and high on adrenaline, fear and rage on the rooftop in Shiganshina, Levi opted to try and talk to him first.

The point is, he has always tried to understand Eren so that what he ended up saying, it would help the situation or resonate with Eren, or so he hoped.

This time, he doesn’t say anything of the sort. He merely admitted, in a very roundabout and lacklustre way, if not a bit too parodic for my tastes, what everyone else has said: that he would forgive Eren if he stopped now. Which isn’t bad, per se, but it’s not even close to what Levi used to be, or how he used to approach Eren.

Where Eren’s friends have missed out on what their words could achieve, potentially, due to a mix of not understanding Eren fully, and a concoction of feelings (panic, desperation, frustration) making them spout things that had no significant influence on Eren in that moment, Levi on the other hand didn’t even try this time, even though he has always done so before.

I am not sure if it’s because of Isayama’s total disinterest in Levi’s character as of late, or if it’s due to Levi himself not caring anymore - albeit it doesn’t seem the case, because he has kept on trying to find alternatives to killing Eren, so I don’t understand why he didn’t even try...

...unless he already knew it wouldn’t have worked out how Armin&Co wanted (and here I have conspiracy theories but let’s end it here lol).

Anyway, I hope this wasn’t too boring, I just felt like breaking down the scene a bit. Let me know what you thought of the various things the characters said in Paths, and if you agree with me, or if I am the only one who was disappointed by the scene, lol!

[youngbugandtonystank]

I think Peter has a great development in FFH, and one that people sadly go through in the real world: struggling with grief but realizing life goes on. You suggested you analyze Peter’s grief in FFH and I would love that, emotional as it is, it’s inspiring for people going through the same thing. Please do it! Thanks

Hi!

I was going to do the Happy one first but I’ve been wanting to do this one for a while, so I’m going to start with this analysis. Hope you guys don’t mind. Also, I’m sure they were more asks about the FFH one and I’m sorry if I didn’t include yours in the list but my inbox is a mess right now, so I apologize. 

As an expert-master of grief that I am lol I think I really can read Peter pretty well in this movie, one of the reasons I was avoiding this analysis was because it’s too painful for me hahaha, it hits close to home. 

Now, let’s track this down. Peter is just a kid but this kid has been through so much, it’s painful. Peter lost his parents and was sent to live with his aunt and uncle, then he, unfortunately, had to see his father figure; Ben Parker, die in front of him and the result of that gave him a sense of responsibility for the rest of his life: 

‘When you can do the things that I can, but you don't, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you.‘

He's always walking around with a ton of traumatic and painful memories. 

Let’s be honest, he believes he ‘killed’ his own uncle, that it was because of him that Ben is dead. It happened because of him from his perspective. So it’s natural for this boy to pass through a long process of grief but here’s the catch, Peter never does. Peter always avoids tragedy until it piles up to the point of unbearable. Peter bears with his responsibility and holds himself accountable for things that are not even his fault but this kid is not capable of processing grief the way it’s supposed to be. I think he wasn’t completely healed of his grief from Ben’s death when he met Tony but as the time passed and he saw another opportunity of having that amazing experience of having another male parental figure, he relented. And now I bet he regrets it.

I kinda wish FFH went into more detail with this so certain fans would understand why having Tony was a good thing for Peter. As he got to know Tony, he started to let him in. He saw him as a father figure and relied on him just like any other teenager would with their parents. Peter was starting to process of healing with Tony. One of the things I love the most about their relationship is that they helped each other grow. Tony learned and experienced something new when he met Peter and Peter started to let another figure into his life. 

Many of you don’t like this but this kid did want Tony’s approval. He confirmed this himself:

In all the weirdness and outside-of-himselfness that went along with becoming Spider-Man, that one conversation with Mr. Stark had made Peter feel . . . okay. Normal, even. Something he never thought he'd feel again. Peter knew he should feel all these things without needing Mr. Stark's approval. That your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man didn't need the approval of multibillionaire, Super Hero philanthropists to help out the people on his block. But, right now? Peter wanted Mr. Stark to approve of him more than anything.

And this translates into the movie so well, Tony made Peter feel normal, made him feel understood and that he didn’t need to do this alone. Peter always feels like he’s the only one that can do things. He feels alone. 

He looked from the ship to the other kids on the bus to see if anyone else saw it. Nothing. Just him. As usual.

He even described Ned as ‘blissfully ignorant of any imminent danger.’

So after getting used to just him and May, after meeting Tony, after getting used to being Spider-Man, Peter creates a sense of stability and normalcy that helps him heal and continue with his life at a semi-normal pace. In Endgame, he loses that stability all over again. When you lose something that is essentially keeping you together, you start using coping mechanisms to fill in the spots that you consider empty. The ones that are going to break you. Peter doesn’t feel ready to handle all of that pain at once so he starts avoiding the issue. 

Peter not only lost Tony, but he also lost his life and remembers fighting in a big war where he got attacked multiple times by an alien army and the mad titan that killed him, Tony and half of the universe. Nobody is ready to deal with that kind of trauma. Nobody. 

FFH tells us that it’s been 8 months since The Blip. 8 months Peter’s been avoiding things related to Tony and everything related to Titan in general. He doesn't want to feel the weight of all-consuming grief because one minute he had everything and the next, that disappeared, his semi-normalcy was broken up by waves of tragedy.

Notice how in HOCO he was desperately seeking the superhero big-league adventures; wanting to be part of the Avengers, fighting crime on a bigger scale, fighting villains and more, then in FFH, he was desperately seeking the normal life experiences; romance, field trips, school events, etc. 

And I think everyone around him can feel that coming from him so they make sure to reassure him all the time and he gratefully accepts any kind of reassuring comfort he can get from anyone: 

There are so many hugs in this movie, I can’t keep track of all of them. I was surprised Peter didn’t hug Mr. Delmar too, I think he even hugged his teacher on one occasion lmao

I think we all know who was the last person Peter hugged before all of this:

It’s really sad when he’s trying his hardest to avoid all of his trauma and nothing seems to work for him. He avoids Fury’s calls, tells May he really needs a break and that he really needs the trip, everything to get as far away as possible from New York.

Anything that saves him from thinking about this:

First, look at him. He’s in a room full of drawings dedicated to Tony Stark and the kid is talking about a plan on how to woo a girl, even Ned is wondering what is going on. Then he advises him to not do any of that.

Then, on the plane, he has to actually listen to his teacher talk about funerals and his only entertainment from the rest of the trip is:

Then he arrives and they get attacked by a gigantic monster. And Peter fights this monster. He hears his classmates discuss this and he hears them call Mysterio a combination of Iron Man and Thor. Notice how after this, instead of calling someone for help or find out where did that monster comes from, he just starts talking about his plan all over again, like nothing happened. Anything related to Tony is a big nope for him.

Unfortunately for Peter:

He’s everywhere. Peter is starting to realize he can’t escape Tony anymore. He told Happy that he sees his face everywhere he goes, this is not only confirmation that Peter’s been trying to avoid it but that he can’t no longer pretend Tony’s not there. 

On every occasion someone brought up Tony, Peter couldn’t handle it. He either breaks down or has a panic attack. 

He quickly gets attached to someone else and even tells Beck that it’s nice to have someone to talk to about the superhero world, who used to do that with him? Tony. Peter deeply misses him but he’s not willing to accept the fact that he’s gone, he’s just pushing and pushing that reality away from him. Beck is a great manipulator and he can see that Peter doesn’t want to be reminded of this so he pushes Peter back on the topic: ‘It's a hard path. You see things, you do things... Make choices. People look up to you... Even if you win a battle sometimes, they die.’

He even MAKES Peter see Tony everywhere, he’s using Tony’s death against him. He’s taking advantage of the fact that the poor kid can’t handle his father figure’s death: 

You know he’s the villain and you what he’s trying to do, but the fact that even he can see what Peter’s trying to do is really sad. He later tells Peter this: ‘ I tried to help you walk away. Now you're making me do this…’ and proceeds to show him Tony’s grave, Iron Man’s zombie suit and tells him what Peter’s been thinking this whole time: ‘If you were good enough, maybe Tony would still be alive’

He’s dealing with two things at the same time: grief and trauma. His grief won’t let him breathe and his trauma is not letting him forget. It’s back and forth. If he lets any of these things in, then he knows he’s done for sure. Everything is going to come back in. 

Let's check the boxes:

Peter doesn’t want to remember or touch anything related to Tony.

He doesn’t want to deal with his own trauma/PTSD.

He doesn’t want to carry Tony’s legacy. He feels like he’s not ready and feels like he’s never going to be ready for that.

He’s desperately trying to live his life even if he feels like he’s breaking apart every 5 minutes.

This kid needs help lmao

There are occasions where he spaces out, gets angry, looks like he’s about to choke, etc.

These are the symptoms of someone who’s dealing with PTSD.

When you’re dealing with trauma, you feel the need to shield yourself from everything that might hurt or trigger you. In some parts of the movie, I felt like Peter wasn’t even there. Just think about it. He disappeared and he felt himself disappear before anyone else did. He lost his sense of reality for a couple of seconds but it was enough, life took too much from him in just those seconds. For him, it was 5 minutes but in reality, he lost 5 years. On top of that, you can tell he feels guilty for Tony’s death as well even if its not his fault. 

This is the part that haunts me:

And this is the one that heals me: 

Let’s be clear, this movie is about Peter learning how to be his own superhero and learning that it’s ok if he doesn’t meet other’s expectations. But this kid still needs to process grief, he still needs to work on his traumas, he needs to get some help. He doesn’t just heal after defeating the villain and that’s it. Hopefully, we’ll see that in the next movie.

Ok, off-topic but I swear, when Beck said Peter looked stupid with Tony’s glasses, I was about to throw some serious hands lmaooo

Thnx♥

[mmmmmmygodstopfuckinlying]

Part2

The next dayyyy.

Class started but Rena and Satoshi were nowhere to be seen. Keiichi had already ran through the halls looking for them. Satoshi was probably mad because he forgot about his homework but he had unlocked some new secrets in Mario. He planned to impress Satoshi with them but whatever he guessed.

-they are outside in the woods-

“Soooo Shion had sum makeup in her bag. That’s for u…keiichi has a Bruce Springsteen cd…ewww no thanks!!! Rika had a flask…that’s ours now…mion had some Pizza Hut coupons…lol guess we’re getting a pizza later”

Satoshi had ransacked everyone’s bags and he and Rena emptied their bags to so that it looked like they were also victims. “Omg we have to blame this on satoko”

“Oh also I took all the money as well so we can get some of those clothes at the mall we wer looking at.” Satoshi saw the kewlest sweatshirt. It was from the gap but it was like blue n purple. But it was like 50 bucks. “Girl wait I have an idea. I’m saving the money for something else I know how I can get that sweatshirt”

——later—-

They went back 2 Satoshis house again. Satoko wasn’t home so they went thru her room and looked at her diary: “Dear diary my brother is sooooo mean to me. He is a bully!!!!” Bla bla bla. Lol honestly teppei sucked n deserved to die n so did his aunt. But sometimes he agreed w them n their choices.

“Omg tomorrow we HAVE to bring this to school and like leave it in someone’s desk. It would be funny I think” Rena said

Just then the phone wrang. “Who is this.”

“Hey it’s me Keiichi! Wat r u doing right now?”

He held the phone away from his face. “Rena it’s Keiichi should I tell him to meet me at the mall” and they laughed.

“Hey I couldn’t hear u what did u say?”

“Nothing. What do u want.”

“I was wondering if I could come over n we could play Mario I have 2 show you something”

He held the phone so he and Rena could both hear it. “Yea do ur parents have any alcohol? Maybe u could being that. I’ll let u come over if u do”

“Well…maybe they’ll notice”

“Omg it’s literally not a big deal I used to do it to my uncle all the time. Just full it back with water so it looks like nobody took sum” he rolled his eyes

“Um well ok…I’ll see you soon then I guess”

“Yea don’t forget the alcohol see u later”

Satoshi hung up “We are gonna go get cross faded girl”

They went to his room and hot boxed. He had to to deal w keiichis ass.

30 mins later they heard a knock. Satoshi opened the door “Hey”

“Hey best friend!!! …Wats that smell”

“God you are such a goodie two shoes. Anyway where’s the alcohol” He grabbed it out of keiichis hand. “cool thanks. Come in”

Keiichi walked in and set up the famicom. “This tv is old I don’t even no if I can set this up”

“Are u calling me poor? R u?”

“Um no I didn’t say that. It’s retro that’s kewl”

Rena whispered to Satoshi “He is so dumb I swear to god” “Girl I know right”

“So Keiichi we were thinking of going to the mall tomorrow. Maybe you could come”

“Oh kewl kewl. Yea I’ll come the sports store had this kewl BB gun on sale that I wanted”

“Yeah the Gap had this kewl sweater…it was like 50 bucks tho…so…”

He stared at Keiichi expectantly. He knew he would look sooooo good in this sweater. He wanted to pair it with his acid washed boyfriend jeans n his converses he stole. He bought the jeans JUST so he could pair it with the sweater.

“Hmmm well we could go check it out I guess. Anyway who wants to play Mario”

Rena rolled her eyes “Who wants to fall asleep am I right” Satoshi hip bumped her “Who wants to order a pizza” she said staring at Keiichi

“Yea that sounds good to me guys. Why r u staring at me?”

“Well unfortunately whoever took our bags at school stole all my money so we r wondering if you could get it n we pay you back” Satoshi said blinking his eyelashes “Or do you not like me enough”

“Yeah cool cool. Okay that’s fine…thanks for letting me com over btw”

“Yeah ur welcome. Anyway Rena u gotta see the mag I got at the store today, Debbie gibson is in it” they sat at the table reading the magazine drinking keiichis alcohol.

“Cool I wanna join” Keiichi sat with them.

Satoshi sighed “Cool do u like debbie gibson? Sorry Bruce Springsteen isn’t in this magazine you wouldn’t like it. Anyway Rena this top is so cute, u would look soooo hot in it”

Keiichi tried to join in. “Yea you would look pretty in it. Did u guys catch last nites baseball game?”

“Ummm what kind of loser likes baseball” Satoshi rolled his eyes. Rena and Keiichi both looked at him. Satoshi went back to the magazine n read the astrology section. “My guys look what it says about Geminis this month. Apperantly I am going 2 get rich and get lots of money. Wow that would be nice”

“Wat does it say about Aries” Keiichi didn’t care about girly astrology but he wanted 2 look like he fit in

“It says this month u will feel charitable…hmm that’s nice of u.”

“Wow that’s kewl. Anyway what pizza do we want” they ordered the pizza. Satoshi and Rena started smoking weed again. “Guys what are u doing?” He looked shocked

“I guess what they say is true it’s hip to be square I guess” Rena said smoking the weed and passing it to Keiichi “I thought u wanted to fit in with us.”

“Um ok…”he tried to smoke but he coughed. “why would you wanna do this guys it doesn’t seem very fun”

They showed him how to smoke weed. If he was willing to smoke w them maybe he was a little Kooler than they thot. Keiichi smoked a lot and they thought it would b funny to just let him.

The door bell rang “Keiichi go get it”

It was SHION!!! “OMG what does that ugly ratchet dusty bitch want. Keiichi tell her we went to the mall. Tell her we waited for her but she never showed up n that I’m mad at her”

So he did. “Um why r u at Satoshis house by itself.”

He wanted to answer but he couldn’t think of anything to say “Ummmm well” he was so fucked up he didn’t know what to think “Well his plumbing was messed up so he wanted me 2 look at it for him”

“Whatever just let me in” she pushed her way in “Keiichi are u smoking weed? It’s like I don’t even know U!!!”

Then the pizza came! Keiichi took it

“Keiichi that’s a lot of pizza for just 1 person. Ur sooo high” she laughed at him mockingly “Keiichi why r u listening to Debbie gibson?”

“Ummmm well g2g. Sorry they are at the mall like I said I guess they waited for u”

He shut the door in her face

“Stupid bitch”

He took the pizzas to the other room “She’s so stupid I’m a little sick of her Tbh”

“Omg us too! She thinks she’s all that. Well newsflash…SHE ISNT!!!!” Rena said flipping her hair

“Watever guys let’s just play Mario I guess since Keiichi doesn’t want to have fun.”

They played Mario except Keiichi was so fucked up he couldn’t even play. He was just looking at the screen trying to figure out what path Mario needed to take to jump over the pipe.

“Keiichi what r u doing. U are sooo dumb. Okay let’s prank call people” Satoshi picked up the phone and called the irie clinic.

“Hi is this the irie clinic?”

“Hello yes this is! How can I help you?”

“Oh shit sorry I thought this was the nambla hotline” Satoshi hung up and he and Rena laughed their asses off

“ummm. What’s nambla” Keiichi asked and then laughed his ass off at himself since nobody else seemed to think he was funny

“Keiichi we have soooo much to teach u.” Rena said

They ate the pizza n watched tv. Well maybe Keiichi had friends after all…

[ratsoh-writes]

Hello, hello! Could I have a matchup, please? I apologize how long this got, first off! If it’s the longest one you get, I won’t be surprised. Feel free to skim or skip entirely if you have a lot to get to. Thank you for the opportunity regardless. c:

Main Personality Traits: I’m an ace/aro INTJ. My friends have told me I’m the mom friend, intelligent, brave, supportive, and a force to be reckoned with, but I have trouble equating those qualities to ‘me’. My opinion of myself is down in the grime. I’ve been working on improving my mental health to better that. It’s been a lifetime process, but progress is progress no matter how slow.

Strengths & Weaknesses: I’ve been criticized for being hard to get close to. I hardly speak unless spoken to on top of all the usual introvertive traits. It takes me months to start warming up to someone and even longer to let them into my bubble. But once someone’s in, it’s ride or die through thick and thin. From the first meeting, I’m polite, hardworking, and unflappable. Once someone gets to know me, they find I’m playful (heavily sarcastic and quick to play fight), a solid presence to rely on, and a lot more amiable than in a non-personal setting.

I’m stubborn, have a mouth on me, and am not hesitant to stand up for myself or other people. My moral code wouldn’t allow me to sit by. Some people like that about me, others tell me I’m too strong of a personality and that what they’re learning about me didn’t fit with what they had thought from the start. It’s made it hard to believe in people who approach me. I rely on myself only, plus spend much of my time on my own now.

Pet peeves:  Don’t touch what’s mine without asking. I rarely say no, I just want to know where it is and who has it. I hate being interrupted while I work. While I talk is iffy. Animated conversations I don’t mind, it’s when it’s a matter of respect that grinds my gears. Passive-aggressiveness will set me off like nobody’s business. Talk it out with me—communication is important and I’m always willing to work on issues!!

Odd Habits: This stumped me. I try to eat things in even numbers or in an even number of bites? I wore chains with my leather and jeans for a long time and I still grab at the empty space where they used to lay against my leg while in close quarters to keep them from hitting anything. I shudder whenever someone touches me? Hello, being majorly touch starved lol I can’t even tell if it’s a good or bad feeling. It’s just…strange.

Hobbies: I’m far too curious and always looking to learn, whether through my own time researching, reading, or experiencing, or turning to someone else to teach me. It can be any topic that strikes my fancy; most of the sciences, creative pursuits, crime, and animals especially. I enjoy novels, too, as well as writing itself. Watching people work and go about their day is interesting. Music is vital to me. It’s always playing nearby, and I tend to sing along. I can also play a couple instruments. I like to explore and travel (I’m bilingual). This spans from legitimate trips to a night out at the abandoned building two blocks over.

Relationship No-No’s: Disrespect and outright lying. Banter or horsing around is one thing, fundamental behavior is another. (I actually love people who fire back at me and keep me on my toes.) Not giving me space to recharge would be an issue; social interaction takes a lot out of me and I’m an independent person at heart. Expecting me to lead most of the time or to disregard my boundaries is the quickest way for a relationship to fizzle out.

There was only one man in mind when I read your matchup. Sat hello to MAL (swapfell sans)!

First of all you hit off just about every point in his checklist: driven, adventurous, respectful, fiery, and loyal. Mal believes in giving his all, so you bet he’s going to return those qualities tenfold 

For your no no’s: Mal may be sassy, but he is respectful of people’s space, and he’s one of the more independent partners. If you need a day or two to yourself, you should never fee bad for it. Mal is more than capable of entertaining himself

Now there is the fact that he’s one of the least cuddly skeletons. That just means mal doesn’t like long drawn out cuddle sessions. He’ll still kiss you sporadically throughout the day if that's something you like.

dating mal includes:

you like travel? you’re gonna travel! to brush up his jeweler skills, mal likes visiting famous galleries which also comes with checking out all the touristy sights of the town!

Mal only knows one instrument, the piano, but he’s also really good. He likes music and will be very flattered if you played or sang along. Just don’t expect him to sing too. He’s absolute rubbish lol

Mal loves loves loves play fighting. he’ll practically get stars in his eyes whenever you start sassing him back. 

[sleepdeprivedheretic]

Kill Me Hardly (Ch.4)

Notes: Tai’s Point of View in the beginning. She/you used

@youtubequeens : It’s a roller coaster, lol

Warnings: cussing, deranged criminal, poor excuse of sibling rivalry, death, PTSD, ect. Read at your own risk

…….

He fucking hated it. Craving warmth and friendship, a familiarity that he’d once known. For so long he’d push those feelings down, and then a fucking ethereal ghost had to show up, tearing down the walls that he’d built, while wearing a little heart on her sleeve while not giving a shit.

He wanted to strangle the damned woman to death, well, to another death.

He was too prideful, he knew, but he had demons of his own that were locked tightly within his personal hell, and this fucking...annoying angel, he guessed, seemed to calm them. He didn’t let her know that, though.  

 Two months. Two months he fought to keep those barriers up, metaphorical walls had been covered in thorns, and for what?

What was he even fighting for? He questioned himself. Memories of blood and lifeless eyes filled his mind. It was such a dark place that he’d tried to shut out for the longest time. He ran from his fear, yet he had embraced whatever life had thrown at him. He had spent so much time either stalking the streets, in hospitals, or behind bars, and he was getting tired of it all.  

The ghost’s company actually helped. He had to tear his gaze away from her. Telling himself that she wasn’t special, she was a dead woman walking. She was a thorn in his side until she could move on. His own words hurt him, for he knew that she was more than that.

Brick by brick, she seemed to remove, and yet, he found himself placing three or four more on that wall.

 Then, he woke up without her in the house for once in two months. Empty. Cold. He couldn’t help but think. He didn’t know how much influence she had on him, until he began panicking. Did she finally cross over? He should feel relieved, he berated himself. He didn’t. He felt as if he had accomplished nothing, and now the only one to seem to really give a shit about him, was gone.

Hours later, he seen your figure, and yelled out his displeasure, sounding more violent than he meant too, because he was scared. Then your eyes met his, and his world stilled, and then cracked as you admitted to what you’ve heard.

No, this couldn’t be, couldn’t it? His stubborn, stupid little ghost was actually fleeting, this time when he finally decided that he tolerated her company. It would be hours later when he would see you again, but he couldn’t help but feel weighed down by the news, how you looked with a broken heart, and how he was feeling such feelings that he never really did want to.

He actually gave a genuine damn about somebody who he could say that was stuck to him. Tears slid down his own cheeks as he hastily rubbed them away. It’s been so long since he had cried for another person. The last one was for the kid who he was trying to save. Opening a pack of smokes, he looked at the thing with disgust as he threw the things in the garbage can, opting instead to light his favorite candles, the vanilla cream one that oddly smelled like you.

He couldn’t save you, even though he kept saying that he wanted to kill you. He awoke later with your hand floating through his hair, a gentle expression of care marred your features, and he couldn’t help but sigh. No, he couldn’t think about such thoughts. You were going to die. Then the two of you began talking, and then, it hit him on how truly lonely and fucking scared you must’ve been.

No warmth, no safety, nobody to care about you or hug you, or brush away your tears, as your family grieved for your dying body.

A dumbass, is what he had felt, another set of tears stinging his eyes as he took your exhausted, tired form in. You weren’t fully dead, but you looked like that’s what you wanted to be. He had to be alone and think some more. After telling you that he was going to take a nap, he sat on his bedroom floor and thought. You were dying, and although he could understand why that you stuck to him like glue, you did things that he wanted to do. You stuck by him as he hurt those people, taking their money as you helped be his eyes and ears, never betraying his trust.

Then he turned on the news in his bedroom, to get his mind off of things. Tough luck for him, for when he was about to switch the channel, the subject had changed, revealing a very familiar face of a certain caught criminal. Your brother, he couldn’t help but think as certain physical similarities between the two of you had matched. There was no doubt that the young, hooded-eyed young man was related to you.  

He needed to talk to you.

…………

Here you were, staring at the man with bewilderment and wonder. Who was he, and what did he do to Taishiro?

“Stop fuckin’ lookin’ at me like that.” He griped across the dining room table.

 “But it’s so weird, you look so soft.” You said.

“Pft. Ya have a weird image of ‘soft’. Anyway, let’s get started. Ya don’t ‘ave enough time, an’ probably need to make peace, right?” He asked suddenly, and it confused you.

“Peace with what?”

“Yer brother. Fucker got arrested last night’, and you and I are gonna see him.” He said smoothly, and it caught you off guard.

“What?” Was all your brain could ask.

“Ya heard me! We’re gonna see yer brother! Ya wanna, or not?” He snapped, and your heart pounded in your chest. Although it was two months, why was he doing this for you? Didn’t you annoy the hell out of him, constantly? You asked him, and he groaned into a sigh, palming his face with exasperation.

“The sooner ya make peace, the easier it is for ya to finally fuckin’ leave.” Came out harshly, he bit his lip, as if embarrassed by his own words. It had hurt, yes, but he was right. You didn’t want to be like those spirits who weren’t at peace. The bloodied ones who had an emptiness to their eyes, stalking old memories that they only knew.

“Will you be my voice, Tai-chan?” You asked, instead, and he looked at you as if baffled.

“What else, ya Ninny? Tch! Don’t let anybody, even me, say stupid shit like that to ya!” He huffed out, and you smiled despite the churning of nerves within your stomach.

………

It was easier to visit than you expected. With a roll of her eyes, the secretary had one police officer escort Tai into the cells, you following as you gathered your courage, sick to your stomach. You wanted to face him and your fears.  

“I’ll leave you to him.” The officer said finally, opening a metal door, and Taishiro gave a curt nod as the two of you went inside. It was a fairly large, yet empty room, surrounded by chairs and in front of the chairs, were different, mostly empty cells. Save for one.

You swallowed thickly you had easily found your brother, who was looking down, hooks underneath his eyes as he resembled a pale, sickly shell of his former self.

“Ya sure ya wanna do this?” Tai asked thickly. You stared at him, seeing his mouth pursed in a thin line, eyes trained onto your brother with a look of fury and yet exasperation. He seen the type, you knew, yet his hot-blooded anger wasn’t aimed at you. It seemed as if it never was, not this type.

“I’ll be fine. I just…want...closure, I guess.” You admitted, looking at the shell who use to protect you from bullies. As the two of you neared closer, you felt nauseated and tired, but it was as if it was nothing compared to the loneliness and lack of warmth and closure that you had felt for a little over a year.

You and Tai still as your brother raised his head. A sinking dread churned your insides as you felt as if you knew what was about to come.

Your brother’s eyes met yours, and you froze.

“Holy shit.” Taishiro murmured.

“Yeah.”

    “T-the fuck? I-is this a nightmare? You’re suppose to be dead!” Your brother shouted, his words echoed in the almost empty room.

“Not dead, thanks to your shitty skills with a blade.” You swallowed thickly, tears threatening to spill, already. You weren’t sure if you were ready for this.

“Why did you do it? Was it worth it? Leaving us all behind while you snorted crack beside some dumpster with your ratty friends?” You couldn’t help but growl out, anger bubbling within you as tears of frustration threatened to boil over, yet you couldn’t care less, as all of your focus was pinned onto your brother.

“What do you know?! They were all I’ve got! You know Mom and Dad held you onto a pedestal, leaving me to fend for myself!” He gripped the bars, knuckles turning white as he stared at you with wild-eyed abandon. He wasn’t making a very compelling argument, and you knew that it was due to the drugs.  

“Says the guy who had a scholarship in Nursing! What was the real reason for that night, dumbass? You’ve been missing for months, and finally! Finally when you visited, Mom and Dad welcomed you in, crying with relief...and then…and then….” You choked, holding your hand to your throat as you pinned your brother with a hateful, seething stare mixed with agony. He stilled, as if seeing your wound   for the first time.

Paling, he fell to his knees, holding his head in his hands as he grit his teeth, his eyes widened as fat droplets of wet fell onto the floor.

“You were in the way! I was gonna just hack the old goat and hag! But then, the inheritance would just fall onto you, instead! I wanted to spare you, I did! But I needed that hit, that high! You’ll never understand!” He growled out, facing towards you with a furious glare. Your stomach sunk as the realization had hit you. You weren’t the only target planned for that night, and you were wasting your time with somebody who had replaced you, along with the rest of his family, so easily. The knowledge of the fact had hurt worse than you wound, you swallowed thickly.

“We’re done here.” You choked into a whisper.  

“Okay.” Your attention snapped towards Taishiro. He was so quiet, and yet you’ve never seen so much fury and hurt burn underneath those amber irises, before. His hands clenched as if itching to tear the other man apart.

“Let’s go home.” He growled out, instead, and you nodded dumbly, following him as your brother shouted more obscure things, wedging that metaphorical knife deeper into you, still. Knocking on the metal door, the police officer’s face looked pale.

“I didn’t know that he was that bad. Are you alright, Sir?” He asked, and Taishiro huffed out a nod.

“Man’s been admitting that he was gonna kill the girl’s parents, too.” He thoughtfully added. The officer nodded.

“Yes...we have the right to record, and so it’ll show up in his court hearings. If you mind me asking, who is this man to you?” The officer prodded gently.

“His sister’s a friend of mine.” Was all he said. The two of you moved in silence as he unlocked the front door to his house, actually holding it open for you, this time. You could tell that he was worried about you, glancing at your grieved expression as you felt almost nothing but numb as the realization had hit you. He was going to cause your parents more grief after his confession, you couldn’t help but think bitterly.  

“Sit down.” It was a demand, yet something in his voice sounded as if it were pleading. Curiously, you looked at him. Once again, he was biting his bottom lip, his hands clenched as if he was preventing himself from crying.  

“Okay.” You said softly as you sat on the couch. You wanted to touch him, to hug him, and let him comfort you, yet you couldn’t. He sat close to you, though, and the action was rather comforting.

“I known them since high school,” He began, shifting himself to be in a comfortable position, eyeing the carpeted floor, rather than at you. Yet you listened closely with awe. “older adults who preyed on hurtin’ kids like me. They offered me a way out from underneath my pa’s boots, an’ I took it.”

“Older adults?”

“Yeah. Yakuza wannabes who plucked out fledglings for sport. Anyways, the group taught me how to fight, steal, sneak, and then allow me to crash at their homes. I was good at it, an’ soon, I began thrivin’ on my own, crashing at different hotels, an’ runnin’ with them. I grew to hate the fuckers, but it was the only home I’ve really known.”

You opted to say nothing as he continued, letting your hand to rest inches away from his as he glanced at it.

“Been doin’ gigs that they’ve wanted me to do. I never really wanted to murder anybody, but they sure as hell did. Laugh at the corpses of drug-dealers, robbers, salesmen, shop-owners…ya get the idea. They were a bunch of sick bastards, but they were my sick bastards. Then...this fuckin’ kid, all starry-eyed and hopeful, wanted to join.” Tai’s voice cracked, but he swallowed thickly as he continued.

“He had to support his ma. He’d start doin’ crimes tryin’ to impress us. He annoyed the fuck outta everybody else, but he took a shine towards me. I was the youngest, and my ego was easily stroked when some hotshot declared me as “big brother”. So I ran a few gigs with ‘im, helpin’ him get money for his mother ‘cause he was a fresh face, and wasn’t an asshole crone who thought he was better than me.”

“….” Your mouth was pursed as you listened closely.

“His ma was nice. Reminded me of mine. Cooked for me whenever I came, totally unaware of our lil’ activities. She helped with the orphanage and donated a lot of stuff. Anyways. Like Icarus, he flew up too close to the sun. Word got out about it. I didn’t get into any trouble, seein’ that I was the “baby” of the family, but….they didn’t like that a young, inexperienced hotshot bargin’ in on ‘em. When I came to his house to pick ‘im up for a job...the door was unlocked.”

“What happened, Taishiro?” You gently prodded. He looked worse for wear as he glanced at you.

“He and his mother’s throats were slit open, and the fuckers had the gall to stay and wait for me, and laugh ‘bout it. Laughed as I fuckin’ stood there, seein’ white film over their distraught faces. I couldn’t help it. I fuckin’ snapped.”

“You…”

“Did what I should’ve done years ago. Reached for the same knife, inspected it, and lunged it in the closest one’s throat. I hate killin’, but I felt like that kid and his ma could do some justice. Burned the bodies n’ place, never looked back. Course word got out that I wasn’t with ‘em, anymore. I found myself doin’ things what his mother had did, and felt as if I was atonin’ fer her son. How I should’ve left him alone, shouldn’t let ‘im get so close to me.” Taishiro finished, gripping the couch as you let everything sink in.

“His death wasn’t your fault.” You said. He sighed.

“I know that, now, but the guilt of how I easily murdered my comrades, and letting this kid prance around me while I knew that my former gang were murderers, shook me. Started findin’ myself turn towards thievin’, giving money towards the same orphanage that his ma donated to, and other charities. Dabi and Tomura found me, then. Knew that I was good at my job, an’ were good at shuttin’ up the police.” He finished, laying fully back with glistening eyes.

“Taishiro...you went through so much.”  You said. You honestly couldn’t imagine the pain he had went through, as well.

“I saw myself in ya. Goin’ through all of this crazy shit, your mind on the brink of insanity at the exhaustion as the ones closest to ya hurt ya. We both have nobody.” He shrugged.

“I have you, though.” You admitted, letting the words flow out before you could stop them. He then stared at you in surprise.

“Yeah, I guess we have each other.” He admitted it softly. Despite of everything happening, you couldn’t help but let out a small smile.

…….

He took a break from being a criminal the day after, the two of you just taking a walk in the park as he snacked, and you enjoyed the view around you. After both crying your eyes out in separate rooms, he offered to take a break away from the violence and hurt, if only for a little bit, and you agreed hastily.

“Whatcha gonna do when I’m gone?” You asked, floating beside him as he popped a piece of candy into his mouth.

“Don’t fuckin’ know. I’m twenty-nine, been doin’ this shit since fifteen.”

“F-fifteen!? No wonder why you’re emotionally stunted!”

“Oh, fuck off!”

“Wish I could do that. So? What about charity work? Or a job that requires you to be swift, like housekeeping!”

“Housekeepin’?”

“Yeah! I use to work as a housekeeper for the nursing home! It’s a pretty rewarding job.” You grinned.

“Pft. If ya went there now, could ya see the gho-

“Tai, noooo those are nice, elderly people! You can’t make a joke about them being dead!” You pursed your lips.

“What? You’ll have somethin’ in common, then.” He snickered, and you huffed.  

“Okay, you blonde giraffe, do you have any ideas?”

“Probably work as a stripper.”

“You’re kidding.” You deadpanned, giving him a guffawed look of disbelief. He grinned at your expression.

“I don’t know, Dabi might hit me up. Might look good in heels.” He chuckled, but you were fighting with your dirty mind, trying not to imagine him looking at you seductively as the lingerie rode up- no! No!

“You can’t be a stripper, Taishiro.”

“Oh, an’ why not? Might be afraid of seein’ something ya might like?” He grinned sleazily, wiggling his eyebrows.

Yes.

“Nope! Do you even know how to dance? Or work your way around a pole?”

“Hey! I’d make a pretty damned good stripper!” He shouted, and you bit your lip.

“We’re in public, Tai-chan.” You said instead.

“So?”

“A bunch of kids just heard you shout to thin air that you’d make a good stripper.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up and c’mon.” He growled, yet there was pink dusting his cheeks. How cute, you thought.

………………..

      Your two months left had slowly became one. His attitude had shifted into something calmer, friendly on some days, and it didn’t help your growing emotions. You liked him. You didn’t know if you loved him, but you knew that the two of you had helped each other, and made a great team. You wished that you could live certain moments forever, but not in the gruesome way some spirits did.

 The missions had dwindled down as to your amazement and pride, he started doing more charity work, helping out Dabi’s girls and other places such as the orphanage through non-violent crimes. It was as if he was another different person, despite him still being snappy to you, it was a little bit softer. Of course he didn’t change over night, he had a lot to learn. Such as biting his tongue when there were children nearby, trying his best to keep his temper in check, and you, still being a little shit, but less, still liked to rile him up sometimes.

“Oh! I’m going to kill you!” He huffed, crossing his arms as you smirked, standing behind him as he made pottery for a small business, earning a little bit of money.

“Maybe next time, I should lift a penny for you to prove that I’m here?” You grinned, and he gave you an ugly, disapproving look.

“I’m not Demi Moore, an’ you’re not Patrick Swayze. Fuckin’ cut it out.”

“Whooooa~!” You started singing. He turned to you and growled.

“Don’t you fuckin-”

“My Loooooooove! My Daaaaarlin~!” You laughed manically as his ears and cheeks flushed red. Oh, it was a treat, you thought with glee.

“If ya somehow miraculously make it alive, I’m gonna make you sit through so many fuckin’ horror movies.” He huffed, turning his attention back the pottery. You smiled, seeing his ears flush with red.

………..

  Fate didn’t want to give you a break, however. It was the day of Halloween, and you went back to the hospital, having another, dreadful epiphany. Fear churned within your gut as you tried your best to rush towards your body’s resting place.

“-doctor, please. I’ve already lost one baby...I can’t lose another!” Your mother’s dreadful wailing greeted you when you finally had reached your destination. The old man’s eyes held nothing but sorrow and sympathy. You glanced at your body. It looked pale and thin, and you knew that if you couldn’t inhabit it soon, it was going to wither.

“I’m terribly sorry, but it has to be done tonight. You and your husband have been grieving for the longest time, and Kami knows how long it’ll be until her body decides to shut down itself.” His gentle tone wafted over you as you clutched your chest. It was sooner than you’ve expected, but you felt oddly relieved and yet so scared.  

You swallowed thickly and you rushed to tell Taishiro.

…….

“What?” He looked pale, disbelieving at you as the noodles slipped from his chopsticks.

“We have all day until night falls. So...would you like to spend the remaining time of my life with me?” You asked softly.

“Of fuckin’ course, Sweetheart. Where do ya wanna go?” He didn’t hesitate, and if you could blush, you knew that you would. You glanced up at him.  

“Everywhere.”

………………..

   The two of you just took your time as he took you to Disneyland’s Halloween theme park, enjoying your lightened up face with pure joy and innocent happiness for the first time since he’s met you. He was the only one who could eat, of course, but he delighted you in describing the texture and sweetness of each candy and treat, your eyes shining with your own memories as you replayed them aloud.

Of course there were stares, but for once, you didn’t try to egg him on. He was sweet to you, and you knew that he was crumbling on the inside. It hurt you, seeing him like this, yet the both of you wanted to spend your last moments together.

“Ugh! Damn it, it’s getting dark!” He shouted as the night had started to crawl upwards into the sky, and you knew that you didn’t have much time left. You were correct, seeing your ghostly arm burn brighter with white. Yet, you didn’t feel too scared. For over a year, this is what you’ve been wanting. The people you loved dearly, could grieve properly and move on, and you were more than willing to accept that.

“Taishiro.” You said slowly, catching his attention. His eyes widened with horror.

“Damn it! Y-you should’ve been wakin’ up! Why does it fuckin’ have to be you, huh?” He growled into a choking sound, trying to grip your arm, but no avail. You felt oddly peaceful as you stared into a teary-stained face, your body burning brighter as you looked in amazement. It didn’t hurt, but your fingers had evaporated into floating white butterflies, floating along loftily, as if seeking your body.

“Don’t fuckin’ leave!” He tried gripping them, but no avail, your heart lurched at his determination.  

“I’ll never regret meeting you. In the next life, I hope that we can probably become friends. Perhaps something more. I hope that you have wonderful parents, and an amazing job. Please don’t lose hope in this life.” You said softly, more of the butterflies evaporated from your body.

“Y/n!” He cried out, gritting his teeth. You could only give him the location of you hospital, finally as your world floated to black.

…………..  

 The reference is Ghost, a classic 90’s movie if anybody was curious

[nellie-elizabeth]

Supernatural: Carry On (15x20)

Oh my god. Lol. So... did Andrew Dabb forget to read back through his finale script one final time before deciding it was finished? Because like... Dean says "if we don't keep living, all that sacrifice (Cas and Jack) will be for nothing." Cut to a comically short time later, where Dean dies and is just like "time to go, let's not keep fighting, I'm tired lol."

Like WHAT did I just witness. I'm so grateful, in this moment, to a little show called The Magicians, because in April of 2019 they ended their fourth season with such an egregiously terrible decision that I literally couldn't sleep for a week, I was shaking and intermittently sobbing, I had never felt so betrayed and devastated over any piece of media before. After that, I've sort of become numb to bad endings, and this is no exception. This episode was absolutely terrible and I'm just sort of like... meh. I'll ignore it. Whatever.

I do want to forego the usual "pro" and "con" sections in this review, and do a more traditional full-on ramble about my thoughts, because they're kind of convoluted, if I'm gonna be honest.

The first thing I want to say, is that this wasn't the worst finale I've ever seen. Objectively, it was a terrible episode of TV and an insulting wrap-up to a fifteen-year-show. But I have a very specific category for the worst finales ever, and those are the ones that provide endgame states for the characters that are... unfixable in a post-canon but still-canon-compliant world. So, for example, the How I Met Your Mother finale killed off the titular mother and betrayed years of buildup, and that's a real-world sitcom. There's no resurrecting people from that shit. Or like. Game of Thrones being an obvious recent example. The Rise of Skywalker is a good movie example.

This? It's a little different. The endgame state of Sam and Dean and Cas is that they all die and spend eternity in Heaven, where they get to be with all their loved ones. I mean, sure, we don't get to see that, we only get a throwaway line to imply that Cas made it out of Super Turbo Hell The Empty, but that's the endgame state of the characters. And that's more or less what I would have wanted, as like a... years after canon situation. Right? So yeah, this was a bad episode, but if I edit in the shit I wanted to see, none of it contradicts the canon in a way that's not workable. It's a sad world we've come to where this is all I can really grasp at, but there is a perverse sort of comfort in that.

So, should we talk now about how Dean dying is a betrayal of what they said this whole season, and maybe whole show was about? Ha. It's so ridiculous. It's embarrassing. I watched Dean's final moments and I was embarrassed for Jensen. For Dean. For all of us watching.

Just. Watch the end of 15x19 again, okay? Watch it, and hear what they're saying. Yay, we killed God, we killed the author of the story, which means we get to write our own stories, finally. We get to do that. After all this time, we're finally free. And what does freedom look like? It looks like Dean dying on a run of the mill hunt.

We get this little montage of Sam and Dean at the Bunker, you know? They're doing laundry and going on jogs and cuddling with Miracle the dog, and they're brushing their teeth and going on hunts, I guess. And the emotional resonance from that scene was just kind of... ennui? And boredom? And that's what's so terrible and depressing about this ending. It's so empty, because Dean didn't get to do the thing he said he was fighting for. Sure, he was always fighting for Sam, but he should have been able to fight for himself, too, right? He should have been able to fight for a life after the years of programming. He should have gotten to be a rock star or a chef or worked at an animal shelter or become a foster parent or grown old as Sam's brother, as an uncle to his kid. He should have been able to find love, if he wanted that.

Look, I'm not even mad that Dean died in a "mundane" way. It's not like "nooo Dean is too coooool to die in such a laaaame way, he's a bad-ass and he should have gone out in a blaze of glory!" That's actually not what I'm mad about at all. Sam died old in his bed, and Dean should have been able to do that too. This whole season, since finding out that Chuck was the ultimate big bad, was supposed to be about free will, and Dean never got to figure out a way to be happy and find peace. That's fucking dour and stupid.

I kept saying, in the buildup to this finale, that a depressing, grim-dark ending to this show would be a failing of the themes they set up, and, hey, they didn't go grim-dark, because the writers did not think this was grim-dark. They thought it was powerful and emotional and resonant. You can tell they thought that, even though they're... uh... what's the word. Wrong? Yeah. Wrong. You know what I realized while watching this? It was just a lamer, less resonant and appropriate version of Sam's sacrifice at the end of season five.

Right? Because after Sam yeets himself into hell to save the world, Dean just has to keep going, and as Cas says, "you got what you wanted, more of the same." Just... more of the same. And Dean couldn't hack it, he was miserable without Sam, and Sam came back and we got ten more years of the fucking show. And now... what, we just get that in the other direction? Because Sam is the strong one and can soldier on without Dean because his codependency was a little less crippling? Wow, what a great ending for him, I guess. It doesn't work because we've seen Sam without Dean, and he falls apart too.

And now the show ends with Sam alone. Sure, he gets married to a blur in the background and has a kid, but let me ask you a question, here. Did Sam... want to be a father? I didn't know that was a thing he wanted, that would make him happy, honestly. I had no idea. So this doesn't seem like it works as something even remotely satisfying as an endgame state for him either. It's bleak.

And it's bleaker because there's nobody else in this fucking episode, y'all. The other big theme in all of Supernatural, after "free will" would be "family don't end in blood." And guess what? Apparently it does? Apparently Sam and Dean are each other's whole worlds and nothing else matters? We get... an implied wider world but we don't get to see it. We don't get to see Eileen, Jody, Donna, anybody left alive for Sam. So from the standpoint of characters that we know and give a shit about, Sam loses Cas, Jack, and Dean and lives the rest of his life lonely and sad. Nobody else even comes to Dean's funeral. It's just Sam alone with the dog. Like... that's bleak.

This ending gave the fucking Wincest shippers everything their hearts could desire, for fuck's sake. Like. Why did they cater to that and not follow through on the idea that they had created a family and community beyond each other? You know, this thing called character growth?

To take a brief break from the negativity, I will say something here about Sam and Dean. In the weird hysterical euphoria of the whole Destiel thing a couple weeks ago, I lost sight of something, which is that for me, the draw of this show has always been the relationship between Sam and Dean. I was never a brothers-only person, but it was their fucked up codependent bond that drew me to the show over the years. I loved the idea of Destiel, but I never thought it was going anywhere, so really I loved Castiel, the character, separate from the context of his relationships. Having a big dramatic death scene where Dean says "I love you so much" and there's a forehead touch and Dean saying "it's always been you and me" and confesses that he was scared to get Sam at Stanford because he didn't know how to survive if he didn't have him, and to have Sam say "don't leave me" and then give Dean permission to go... I mean, all of this is catnip, right? All of this is great, like, in isolation, it was such an amazing "broment," as the fandom says. I mean, it made no sense with context, it was utterly insulting in every way, but Jensen and Jared acted their lil' hearts out and I could tell they were really in the moment.

So let's talk about Cas for a second, while I have you here... they never should have done the big gay confession. They just shouldn't have even fucking bothered. I'm telling you, that makes this whole thing worse. It felt completely intentional and weird that Dean never acknowledged the confession, never told Sam, never had a moment where he specifically reckoned with Cas' loss. But that's what I knew would happen. I knew it in my blood and bones, and as the meta started pouring in, I knew people were getting their hopes up for nothing. See, Cas saying "goodbye Dean" and the handprint on the arm... I knew that was their catharsis, that was the writers' and Misha's big goodbye to the character of Castiel. They thought they fucking nailed it. I knew we wouldn't see him again.

Like I said before, I have to be satisfied with an endgame state that doesn't totally suck, right? So, we get this throwaway line from Bobby that Jack fixed Heaven and made it not suck, and that Cas helped. This implies a multitude of things that are... comforting. At least Cas doesn't get that dour, dark, helpless oblivion that I worried he'd get. We can assume Jack plucked him out of the Empty, that he gets to be with his son, and that, if the fic writers so choose, Dean and Cas can have lots of gay sex up in Heaven. I think Misha not being in this finale was frankly a slap in the face to one of the biggest and most important characters the show has ever seen, you know? And I think that they kept him out of it so we could have Schrodinger's Destiel. Because if we'd seen Cas in heaven, and he hadn't confessed his big gay love, Dean could have been like: "hey Cas! Buddy! Good to see you, my friend." But since we did have the love confession, whatever Dean did upon seeing Cas would have to mean something in that context. So instead we didn't get to see him at all.

Which is stupid.

Also stupid is that the big sacrifice was to save Dean's life and then a couple weeks later he gets impaled on a rusty nail and dies anyway. Thanks for making the whole thing feel so utterly pointless and empty. No pun intended. Wow, they did Misha dirty, here, didn't they.

Turning back to Sam's ending, let's just talk about that for a minute. Like I said, I'm happy he got to live a long life and die an old man, what Dean always wanted for him. But nothing about that ending was more poignant because Dean was gone. In fact, it just made it super duper depressing and lame. There was no reason Dean couldn't have gotten a happy life, too. It adds nothing that he died young and unfulfilled. Like, you know how people joke about the end of the Titanic, where you see that Rose's Heaven is reuniting with Jack and everyone else on the ship, and people will say "well, gosh, that's kind of a slap in the face to Rose's family" since she clearly got married and had kids and grandkids? This is literally that! Like, having an ending where a young-again Sam Winchester gets to Heaven, and his whole Heaven, the thing that he needed to find peace after death, was a return to his brother... look, I'm not mad about that, but what the fuck about nameless blurry wife that we couldn't even confirm to be Eileen for some reason? What about everyone else?

And did Sam... keep hunting? Did he go to law school? Maybe there were background details that confirmed what he ended up doing with the rest of his life besides becoming a husband and father, but I didn't see evidence of it because I was too busy rolling my eyes out of my skull at how dumb this all was. So Sam just gets a generic "raking leaves in the yard" ending, like we saw for Dean at the end of season five, with nothing to challenge that. Even though we've seen why life outside of hunting, life without Dean, isn't satisfying for Sam, we're now supposed to accept it as how he spends the rest of his life, without seeing him put the work in to get there?

One thing I realized watching this episode is that it tries to play the middle. Like, with the Cas thing, they didn't want to make his noble gay sacrifice totally meaningless, so they couldn't just pop him back into the story, but they did give us one single throwaway line to reassure fans that he's not still in The Empty. So, people who don't give a shit about Cas can assume he's off being Jack's assistant and doesn't really interact with humans in Heaven. People who do give a shit about one of the show's main characters can assume that he has a home in Dean's little Heaven neighborhood too, and they all get to buddy around for eternity. People who don't like Eileen? Well, Sam married some nobody who we never got to meet. People who liked her? Well, you can't prove that wasn't Eileen, can you? Even Dean driving around in the impala waiting for Sam to die so he could finally be happy with his fucking soulmate or whatever. Time in Heaven is weird, Bobby says. It's metaphorical. You could assume that the driving montage was actually intercut with other moments, with Dean getting to see dear old mom (and dad, I guess, but ugh), and spending time with Bobby, with OG Charlie, with other familiar faces, and new ones as they finally reach their own deaths on Earth and come up to party with the rest of the gang.

Like, in a better show, in a world without Covid, maybe they had plans along these lines, to get more guest characters back and show Dean getting sappy hellos to a bunch of side characters in Heaven. To be quite honest, I would not have been mad about that. If you're going to make Dean die young and never give him the chance to find out who he could have been when the choices were all his own, which is, in case I haven't made that clear, a horrendous and insulting ending for his character... at the very least you could have given us the cheesiness of seeing him hug his friends in Heaven. Jeezus.

I want to hammer in this point one more time before I wrap up: they ended the show by saying that character development didn't matter. They had Dean's dying speech be a meta reference to the pilot episode of the show, they had him saying "it's always been you and me" and then they confirmed that with everything they had. Sam became a father, but did he have a happy life? Seems like he pined away for his dead brother for decades and then died. If the pilot had never happened, if Sam had stayed at Stanford and Dean had gone on hunting by himself, you know what would have happened? Sam would have had a "normal" life and married a woman and had a kid, I guess, and grown old, and Dean would have died fighting some vampires in a barn. This show has been on for fifteen years, and the ending did not honor anything about the journey the characters had been on.

A particularly egregious example is the early scene with the pie festival, where Sam is like "I'm sad about Cas and Jack" and Dean is like "if we don't go on living it won't honor their sacrifice" like... yeah, I get it, bringing people back from the dead time and time again is supposed to be a bad thing that Sam and Dean did for each other because they were selfish. So Sam giving Dean permission to go was supposed to be a growth moment. Sam and Dean accepting that Cas was gone and not even asking Jack to make sure he got sent to a happy eternity instead of oblivion, that's supposed to mean they've learned their lesson. And what a fucking lesson to leave things off on. Jesus, this is grim.

So like. As I try to figure out what to say at the end of this review, I will point out one glimmer of light in the darkness, which is that this finale isn't going to ruin the rewatchability of the show for me. I can still come back and re-watch without feeling like the whole thing is ruined by the ending. It's more than I can say for some other shows.

But honestly, if this was the ending we were going to get? Why the fuck not leave it open-ended? I did not enjoy 15x19 particularly well, but at least that episode left them on the open road, with a wide future ahead of them. Anything might have happened. It's their turn to write the story, right? Chuck is dead, the writer is "dead", the show is over, and now the possibilities are endless. That would have been an anticlimactic ending, for sure. But this ending just turns around and slaps the whole point of that first ending in the face and says "haha bitch you thought". They don't get to write their own stories. We see exactly how those stories end, and it's lame. Leave something to the imagination, yo. Leave it vague how and when they died, what their lives turned into. Show them in Heaven, getting to their peace at last, reuniting with their friends, including Cas. Put in a significant glance between Dean and Cas, and leave it to the internet to go wild about what it could mean. And never answer when fans ask "so what happened, when did they die? Did they keep hunting?" Just leave it vague. If this was the only ending they could come up with, I'd rather be left with questions.

This finale gets a low score from me, because they couldn't even pull on the right heartstrings to make me sentimental...

4/10

But the show as a whole? Well, it was a mess, and it had some seriously high highs and some devastatingly low lows. It's a bummer that the lowest low came in how they tried to wrap up the whole shebang, but like I said, this ending isn't going to ruin the whole fifteen-year run for me. We get to make up what happens next, and we can make Jack's new and improved Heaven our post-canon fix-it haven. I don't think there's ever been a show in my life quite like Supernatural. The fandom is so bonkers. The meta narrative of the show is so convoluted and twisty and goes in so many unexpected directions. I liked watching this show for its own sake, and also as like... an anthropologist trying to discover something about humanity and American values specifically. It wasn't always a pleasant experience, but it was one I know I'll never forget. My heart tells me to give the show as a whole a high score, representing the many, many hours of joy and dread and delight and horror I got over the near decade I've personally been watching. How do you wrap up fifteen years in a score out of ten?

9/10

[saladejin]

Solace (M) | 01

4-part Jimin x Reader | fantasy au, school au, magic user!Jimin | Fluff, angst (basically unresolved), smut with some plot 

Summary: Why not spice up your high school life with a teleporting boy of your very own? You find yourself not having a choice in the matter.

While he figures out how to fix his mistakes, strap yourself in for an adventure to remember…

Warnings: Kat’s early ass writing, nothing smutty in the first chapter (bear with me, it gets there lol). 

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 2.7k - first chapter

A/N: Okay, okay. As much as I wanted to edit the absolute shit out of this, and make it 10x better, I stopped myself. This was one of the first smut pieces I ever wrote, and it’s quite old, but I really wanted to have some of my older/first-time writing on the blog so that I could have something to look back on and - better yet - improve from! 

I want to look back on it and just think ‘wow, this is absolute trash’, but in a good way. Ya know?

I apologise in advance, yet at the same time I’m hoping some of you out there might find some enjoyment :) 

»»————- << masterlist | next >> ————-««

  If someone had asked you if you believed in magic a year ago, you would have answered ‘no’ without batting an eyelid. It was simply illogical and plain wrong on so many levels to think greater forces out there actually existed. 

Children’s storybooks, fairy-tales, and fictional novels were already out there appealing to the fantasy-ridden minds of the human race, to name a few. So nope, you would never allow yourself to foolishly believe in such silly myths.

Or so you thought. 

Reader’s POV - 2nd Person

“As you can see, this historical movement meant…”

You sighed. Over time, drowning out your teacher’s monotonous voice had become much too easy for your liking. You listened to the whispers and soft giggles of your classmates as they all mucked around and paid little to no attention to the lesson taking place.

The year is only halfway done. Should I consider transferring schools?

This place had taught you nothing for the five years you had been here. High school was something that was originally meant to be an ocean of opportunities waiting to be discovered, but now it seemed like a mere wasteland holding no promise for the future; well for your future anyway.

“Does anyone have any questions?” Your teacher droned, looking at everyone over the rim of his glasses as if daring someone to waste his precious time.

Yeah, what’s the point of being here?

You tapped your pencil absent-mindedly against the lined paper in front of you.

“(Y/n),” Your class friend whispered to you from the seat beside yours. You raised an eyebrow at her with a bored eye roll as she pursed her lips guiltily and glanced at your tapping pencil.

“Do you know what he’s been talking about for the last half hour?”

You almost laughed. “Does anyone?” came the scoff from your lips almost instantly. Your friend stifled her smile with one hand so she didn’t draw any unwanted attention to the two of you.

“You’re right, but I also want to pass this exam coming up. How are we meant to do well here?” She asked with a light growl edging her tone. You could only shrug in response, because the answer was also lost on you and had been for as long as you could remember.

“Tell you what, we should get everyone together and come up with a plan to get him fired,” Your eyes lit up, hands suddenly clasping together as the brilliant idea blurted from your mouth. Your friend looked like she was about to whoop for joy and agree with you, but an obnoxious voice cut her off rudely.

“Miss (Y/n), do you have something to share?” The teacher wore his stern expression, eyes flashing with irritation as he stared you down with menace. You felt the anger burning hotter and hotter the more you looked at his punchable face.

Oh, I’m about to tell you exactly what we were talking about you piece of shit.

You were about to stand up and lay it on him, but something interrupted your outburst. Your classmates shifted their attention from you to the strangely flickering lights on the ceiling. Everyone fell silent as the excitement from seeing their teacher get sassed died down, the atmosphere was eerie as the room suddenly became very chillingly cold.

“Who’s playing a prank? Show yourselves before you get punished even worse,” The teacher shouted into the stagnant air. Nobody answered to him or his threat.

“What’s going on? Is it that kid from the other class messing with us again?” Your friend clicked her tongue while gradually moving to cling onto your arm. You barely felt her touch due to the intense amount of goosebumps travelling along your exposed skin. Students begun to question things loudly and the nerves shook their voices as the weird power outages continued.

“It’s probably just the building’s power. Can we get help from the office?” One boy asked your scowling teacher after a few minutes.

“Yes, that’s probably a good idea,” The bald man shook his head and finally walked towards the closed door of the classroom to check for any tricksters.

Before the boy or anyone else could make a move to get help, the flickering stopped and the temperature seemed to return to normal. Everyone exchanged confused glances until the weirdest spectacle of all occurred right near the teacher’s desk.

A body appeared from literal thin air and landed heavily on the carpet below. There was a muffled groan from the figure and the room filled with gasps and shouts of alarm as the person sat up straighter. It was definitely male, seemingly Asian and probably the same age as you. You blinked your eyes rapidly as you tried to comprehend what had just happened.

“You! Were you playing this prank?” Your teacher screeched as he turned around. He hadn’t seen what had happened, but had heard everyone’s shock and responded immediately.

You watched in amazement as the randomly appearing boy lifted his head and furrowed his brows in confusion. When you looked closer, you could see his chocolate brown eyes gleaming with fear.

He knows just as much as we do…how did this happen?

You being the courageous person you were, got to your feet and stepped around the table tentatively. You didn’t want to approach him just yet because you didn’t know if he was dangerous. Your teacher continued to yell at the boy as you drank in his beautiful night-black hair and perfectly even complexion. You realised just how attractive this person was, but those thoughts had to be swept aside as you recognised the pure terror flooding his gaze.

“I don’t know what’s happening! Please help me, I don’t know where I am,” The boy finally spoke. Well, he spoke, but in flawlessly fluent Korean…

What the-

Your classmates threw even more concerned glances at one another while your teacher just stood still, fully stunned. They hadn’t understood a single word, but you had.

“(Y/n) sit back down, he could hurt you!” Your friend hissed, and you jumped when she grasped at the bottom of your school dress to bring you backwards. The movement caused the strange but beautiful boy to whip his head around in your direction. He was only wearing a casual white t-shirt and loose grey pants with no shoes, but everything looked a little dirtied. How exactly had he appeared here of all places? By what method?

“Hello,” You murmured shakily in his language and squatted down to seem less threatening. You had to muster up what scraps of Korean you knew, as you were known to be the language-centric person of your year level. It was one of your favourite things to do, learn languages, but you never thought it would come in handy for a situation such as this.

“Hello? Do you know Korean?” The boy breathed in a sudden gush of hope and relief. You could’ve sworn tears were pricking at the corners of his eyes, but you weren’t judging because he seemed so lost and scared. You stood up again as he hurriedly got to his feet, his hands trembling and gaze darting around the room from one student to the next.

“I’m calling the principal, we need to figure out what is going on!” Your teacher spluttered before racing from the room, a few pieces of paper from his desk fluttered to the ground as the air rushed past. A few students followed the teacher, and their gazes were terrified from the weird events. You tried to breathe deeply.

“H-how did this happen? I want to be home, argh why did I try that fucking spell?!” The boy cried angrily as he stumbled until his back hit the classroom wall. He buried his fingers painfully deep into his hair and keeled over. You raised your hands, not knowing what to do or how to act. You wanted to help him, but was that okay? Should you even be going near something so strange and unpredictable?

“(Y/n) do you know that language? Maybe you should say something else?” Your friend whimpered from behind you. She had gathered nearby with the other remaining students whose curiosity had gotten the best of them. You felt the overwhelming pressure envelop you whole as your eyes trailed from the group of familiar faces to the frustrated boy.

I have to help him. It’s not something evil, I can tell.

He looked so out of place here, you could see he didn’t have a single clue about what had happened. You carefully moved towards him while ignoring the loud warnings of your friends behind you. You had to know what was happening, and you had to make sure he was okay.

“Um, hello. Who are you?” You asked in Korean, standing in front of him but not too close. You could be as brave as you wanted, but you didn’t want to die just yet.

The boy looked up, his red-rimmed and puffy eyes were the only evidence left of his overpowering emotions. Now he just looked empty with disbelief and shaky with apprehension.

“I’m Park Jimin, just Jimin I guess,” He answered, voice broken and cracking. He seemed weary and emotionally exhausted after all the disorder. You felt seriously bad for him, but still didn’t know how to approach the situation. The only reason all of the responsibility dumped itself onto you was because of your particular skill with language.

“You? What’s your name?” He asked unexpectedly. You looked up from the ground with raised eyebrows, shocked to see that he had taken a few deep breaths to calm himself down. He even managed to smile for a solid second before his full lips pulled into a frown once more.

“Uh, (Y/n). I’m (Y/n), and this is my school,” You tried to explain with your musty skills. He seemed vaguely amused with you, but the humour was lost underneath his crushing anxiety and fear of the unknown. You caught the way he observed you as if he had just seen you for the first time. You could only hope your hair wasn’t too messy.

“This is (Y/c), but how did you get here?” You questioned while using one pointed finger to emphasise what you were asking. He started to explain something quickly, but you only managed to translate a few of the words in your head. He was growing agitated fast, and you regretted asking immediately.

“Hey, hey! Calm down Jimin,” You soothed to the best of your ability, reaching out to touch him but jerking your hands back when you thought about what you were doing. You took one step backwards and sighed, wishing this had never happened.

“Sorry,” He apologised softly.

Before you could protest, your teacher burst into the room with the principal hot on his heels. A few other members of the school’s authority followed, and you winced when you thought about how scary and intimidating the whole thing looked. You turned around just in time to see Jimin’s eyes flashing with more fear.

“It’s okay, they’re okay. They’re teachers, they’ll help you,” You comforted and actually brought one hand up to touch his shoulder. The contact was brief but it seemed to ease some of his worries. He flashed you such an immensely grateful look that your mind short-circuited suddenly. He was really, really handsome.

“Please come here,” Your principal commanded, and to your surprise Jimin looked like he understood to an extent. He pushed off the wall to obey, but looked back as if asking for you to come with him, to be his solace through this hell.

“Do you need someone to help translate and everything?” You piped up hopefully, but you completely expected to be met with the cold hardened stares of the teachers and principal.

“No, we’ll be fine,” The principal assured with a clipped tone, eyeing Jimin as if he were a dirty rag on the side of the street. You clenched your teeth in anger as the party of teachers left with the boy in tow. He saw your frustrated and guilty expression, but only flashed you an understanding smile before leaving the room.

He seems so kind-hearted, I wish he would be treated better. I hope he figures out his shit.

You felt upset, but didn’t know why since you had literally barely met the guy. In all honesty, you should still be scared of him just like everyone else was, but you just weren’t.

“Girl, are you okay? At least that weird person didn’t attack you,” Your friend shook her head in disbelief. The other students dispersed back to their seats and you only noticed then that the rest had returned when the teachers had arrived. Everyone was back and chatting about the strange happening animatedly.

“He wouldn’t. Didn’t you see him? He seemed so afraid, but he was kind,” You argued. You felt angry that nobody seemed to be feeling sorry for Jimin. He was the one that deserved to be scared, not any of you or the teachers.

“I don’t know how you got all that from the small conversation you had, but I guess whatever you say,” Your friend shrugged.

As things seemed to return to normal, you couldn’t push your concerns for the boy out of your mind. Was he okay? What if those cold-hearted teachers shipped him away somewhere just because he couldn’t properly explain how he’d appeared? He could quite easily be sent to the police, or eventually a random orphanage.

“Are you still thinking about him? I’ll admit he was pretty handsome, but that was way too weird! I mean didn’t he just randomly appear in this room?” Your friend grunted, her tone raising as she tried to convince you to think of something else.

“I don’t know!” You widened your eyes, feeling slightly irritated that you couldn’t know absolutely everything, yet you were still expected to. Maybe coming from a family of lawyers did that to you.

Everyone fell silent again and you jerked your head towards the door impatiently. The teachers filtered back in with Jimin, but you blinked firmly when you saw that the boy was dressed in the uniform of your school. His hair was a little neater than when he had appeared, and his eyes were now crinkling along with the striking smile he wore.

“Everyone, please welcome Jimin Park to your class. I’m sure you will all treat this new transfer student with care,” The principal eyed everyone pointedly, just as she usually did, but you sat further backwards in your chair in bewilderment.

“Why-”

“I’m glad to meet you…all. I am (Y/n)’s family friend,” Jimin cut you off and spoke with a broken accent, which in all honesty you and many others found to be adorable.

Wait, my family friend?

You widened your eyes and brought your brows together in sheer confusion. Did you just hear that right? You were about to open your mouth to question him when he flashed you a knowing look. It was a warning, a warning to keep your mouth shut.

“I’m…not good at English. I will try my best, thank you,” He finished and instinctively tried to bow, soon straightening as he remembered he wasn’t in Korea anymore.

“Oh, so this is the dad’s friend’s son you always talk about. Wow, he’s handsome!” Your friend whispered to you with a tiny giggle. You looked at her in shock, mouth hanging slightly open as you tried to grasp what was happening.

The principal left as Jimin moved forward to take the empty seat right next to you. You threw him a glare that demanded an explanation, but you knew it would need to wait for later because your asshole of a teacher was about to start class again.

“Sorry, when we get home I will talk,” Jimin muttered in Korean, leaning towards you so that no-one would overhear. Not that it would matter since you were the only one who could possibly understand him anyway.

“Um, ‘we’? I don’t remember my home being yours too,” You choked out, not even caring if he understood or not.

To sum it up, a random boy had landed in your classroom, caused the whole class and its teacher to freak out, and had then proceeded to alter everyone’s memories somehow.

You were in for one hell of a ride.

           Copyright © 2020 by salade. All rights reserved.

[11thstreetgirl]

Neon lights

Scene: Deserted gas station at 2am (Nasty x reader)

Requested by: @thespacecowboyyy

AN: hah this turned out weird and pretty shitty lol ~

- Fucking shit motherfucker…

I was pulled from my thoughts by the driver’s harsh words. I was dozing off at the front seat of the bus after staring at the empty road for what must have been hours. It calmed me down after a busy day like today, and even if I wanted to sleep there was no chance: Razzle’s snoring kept me awake once again.

- What is it? I muttered, straightening up in my seat. My back cracked as I reached my hands overhead to stretch. This tour life and mostly the endless sitting in a bus was starting to get the best of me.

- We’re almost out of gas.

Great. Just splendid. Nothing but empty road for miles. I wanted to strangle the man for not filling the tank before we started the overnight drive to the next city, but what good would it do? I glanced the clock on the dashboard – almost 2 am.

We drove in silence. The driver hummed quietly, he had turned off the radio so the guys could get some sleep. The show’s afterparty had been cut short as we needed to get to the next city by noon. To be honest I was glad we got out of there that fast, I was happy to be somewhere quiet with just the band, the crew and the driver. When the guys had asked me to come along to the tour as the merch seller I didn’t know what kind of circus I was getting myself into. Of course I knew they partied hard, I’d been their friend for years, but this was something else. They were like little kids on a field trip across America. Far away from home and carefree. I was glad they trusted me this much, but more often than not I ended up being their babysitter. I was starting to think that was another reason for them to ask me to come.

The band was asleep, each and every one. They smelled like booze, weed and perfume, they were snoring and talking in their sleep, they definitely were like little kids. The sight warmed my heart. Above all, I felt privileged to be here with them. They were batshit crazy but also the most lovable, friendly people ever. If they accepted you as a part of their gang they loved and protected you with all their might. Michael had been giving me some singing lessons and Sami was always telling me the little tidbits of did-you-know-information he’d read somewhere. Andy with his stories and nobody knew if they were true or not. Razzle being the die-hard prankster always trying to make me laugh. And Nasty… Nasty trying to teach me how to play guitar. Nasty always offering a swing from his beer, Nasty sneaking his way close to me just to start a nonchalant conversation that usually led to us talking all night.

But there was something about Nasty that I quite couldn’t put my finger on. He was both quiet and outgoing at the same time and even after all these years I’d known him I didn’t quite get the man. And being on tour just made the contrast higher. Lately he’d become more quiet around me as if he was trying to avoid me. We no longer had the deep, hours-long conversations we used to have and it hurt. He was after all the first one I became friends with. Every time he turned his back to me stung like hell. I missed him, there was a strange ache in my chest when he wasn’t around.

Suddenly there were lights on the roadside. As we got closer we realized that it was a gas station in all it’s glory. But as we got next to it and the bus slowed down to a stop it became pretty clear it wasn’t up for business. There were no lights inside the shop, just the lonely glow of green and yellow neon signs stating that there at least had been gas for sale. It was eerie to say the least.

- Why are we stopping? Nasty’s tired voice spoke behind me.

Speak of the devil.

- We’re running out of gas, I answered blatantly. The darkness outside was all-consuming and as the driver killed the engine it got perfectly quiet. All we could see was the road as far as the headlights lit it and the dim, greenish glow of old neon lights from the station. Nasty yawned and leaned his elbow on the back of my seat.

- That’s definitely deserted. No way there’s anyone out here, I stated as I observed the scene. A couple of cars drove past, then quiet again. Just Razzle’s snoring and Sami’s sleepy mumbling filled the air.

- It wont hurt to go and check, just to be sure, Nasty mused.

- Nasse look at it! It’s empty! I was tired and frustrated.

- We’re seriously not gonna get far with what we have left, so I think we really need to check, the driver said quietly with an apologetic hint in his voice. Damn right he should be sorry.

- You two go, I’ll stay here and try to stop a car if one comes by.

I shot the man a questioning look. He gotta be kidding me. Irritation was building up inside me by the minute. What a train wreck.

- Go on, we don’t have all night.

Nasty flashed me a grin as I groaned. It probably was cold outside, it sure was dark, and god knows what kind of predators the bushes hid. Coyotes and mountain lions, weren’t those the creatures around here?

Nasty opened the door and poked his head outside. A cold wind blew his hair around and made goosebumps rise to my skin. A fleeting thought to get something to protect us, like maybe a baseball bat, ran through my head but before I could say anything Nasty was already outside. I followed him suit. The distances seemed a lot longer out here in the dark and it didn’t take many steps to be out of the reach of the bus’s lights. No way I was going to let Nasty get far away. Determinedly he walked over to the gas pumps and took one in his hand. Just like I expected, no gas came out no matter how he held it or how hard he pulled the handle. He even kicked the machine and cursed under his breath. I just stood there watching because I knew it was no use. After poking the buttons a while and trying another pump he gave up.

- Doesn’t seem to work, he muttered. I kept all ”I told you so”s to myself. We stood there quietly. It really was cold, I hugged myself to keep warmer. Nasty seemed deep in thought. There was no sound anywhere, not a single car in sight, just the wind blowing in the bushes behind the station.

- We should check the the store just to be sure. Who knows, maybe there’s something useful inside, Nasty spoke more to himself than to me.

- Why do you think the door’s open?

- Well maybe not the front door but let’s try the back door! He looked at me with mischief in his eyes. Things were getting illegal fast there was no doubt about that.

- You gotta be kidding me.

- Oh come on, let’s have some fun while were here!

I rolled my eyes. There was no way stopping him, so I just followed him across the station. Just as I reached him a strong gust of freezing wind blew across the concrete yard. I visibly shivered.

- Here, wanna take my jacket? He offered and before I could say anything he took it off and handed to me.

- Aren’t you cold? I tried not to let my eyes linger on his bare arms for too long as I pulled the garment on. It smelled like Nasty and it made me feel strangely better. Like I was safe.

- Nah, I still have alcohol in my system.

Well of course. We walked around the corner to the other side of the building. The glow from the neon lights dimmed and it got almost dark before we got to the back door. It was lit by a single flickering light bulb that cast ominous shadows everywhere. Nasty tried the door but it was locked.

- I told ya, of course it’s not open.

Nasty tried to yank the door again just to be sure. He looked otherworldly under the bright light as he turned towards me.

- Like that has stopped me before…

- You’re not seriously going to break in are you?

- I sure am. Let’s just check if there’s anything useful! Besides, you said it yourself: it’s probably deserted. Come on, don’t be such a pussy.

I just huffed in response. Fine, if he wanted to go in to the deserted gas station that was likely haunted and/or had a murderous coyote living in it he could go by himself. I’d just wait right here.

It didn’t take long for him to get the door open with a bobby pin he had in his pocket. As much as I knew not to be surprised by anything at this point it still took me by surprise.

- Where the hell did you learn that?

- Try living on the streets for a while… he just grinned at me and sneaked inside. He disappeared into the darkness and I was all alone in the cold. I stared at the door, snuggled deeper into the Nasty-smelling jacket and listened to his footsteps echoing from inside. The quiet would’ve been soothing if only it had been completely quiet. But of course not, there just had to be something rustling in the bushes right outside the light’s reach. I changed my mind about waiting outside pretty damn fast.

At first it was impossible to see. I fumbled my way out of the small backroom into the store. The neon lights outside cast a beautiful light inside. It was plenty to see as soon as my eyes got used to the dark. Nasty was rummaging through the shelves just a few meters away, humming to himself. My heart was pounding loud and fast in my ears. I had never done anything like this before. To break into a gas station? I must be out of my mind. Nasty on the other hand didn’t seem to mind at all.

- Oh you came! I already checked the cashier – nothing there. And you were right, this place is empty. All that’s left is some canned stuff from almost ten years ago. Funny how this place hasn’t been robbed before, he kept talking and almost waltzing between the shelves.

I stood there for a moment. Every little sound made me jump so I tried to move as close to Nasty as possible. I admired the light filtering through the window, making everything seem like time couldn’t touch it. Nasty’s carefree figure danced against the light. He seemed like he belonged here, in this timeless spot, with the green painting unfamiliar shadows on his face.

It would’ve been almost romantic if I hadn’t been so scared. I took a step closer to Nasty just so that if the murderous coyote snapped onto my leg and tried to drag me into it’s den, I’d drag him with me. Suddenly he turned around right in front of me.

- Romantic huh? he grinned at me. Bloody hell was he a psychic, reading my thoughts like that? He just stood there, the grin on his face melting away. Slowly he reached for my hand. I just stared at him with my eyes wide. No coherent words were forming in my mind. The light seemed to be whispering something into my ear but I couldn’t make out the words, just a buzz.

I think Nasty heard the same alluring buzz because he moved closer. And closer and closer until all I could see was his eyes staring at me behind his hair and his lips way too close to mine. A strained sound that didn’t even sound like it came from me escaped my throat. It brought me back to reality just enough.

- Nasse what are you doing? I finally got out of my mouth. It came out more sharply than I intended. He looked startled. He leaned back and melted into the most heart-breaking puppy dog eyes I had ever seen. I wanted to say I’m sorry but he spoke first.

- It’s just that… I like you a lot. And I thought you liked me too. He turned his face downward in defeat and let got of my hand.

- Nasty I do like you, but…

- But not like that right?

- No, no I just, I just thought you suddenly hated me or something, always sneaking away from me and everything.

- I was just confused by what I was feeling. We’ve been friends for so long and I didn’t want to ruin it.

I took his hands into mine. I felt soft inside. This little moment in this timeless space made everything so much clearer, so much more simple.

- You can’t ruin this no matter what, I whispered.

He leaned closer and this time I didn’t try to back away. My heart was pounding in my ears so loud as he leaned towards, I closed my eyes and felt my heart skip multiple beats as the seconds seemed to last forever before….

TOOOOOT!

The sound of the bus horn startled us both. I jumped and hit my forehead to Nasty’s.

- Fuck!

- Come back here! the voice of the busdriver ran through the air just loud enough to hear. Nasty burst out laughing.

- We better get back.

- But… I was confused and a little hurt. Of course the moment had to be ruined.

- But what? Come on, let’s go!

He was like nothing happened. He avoided my eyes. His voice was stern and his movements sharp as he took a few items from the shelves and walked towards the door. He didn’t look at me, he didn’t say anything, he didn’t even hold the door for me. I felt hollow.

Nasty almost ran back to the bus. I tried to keep up with him but gave up and just watched as he hurried under the neon lights. They painted his hair with a green glow and made his skin look even paler than usual. The darkness around felt like it was creeping in on me. I pulled the jacket tighter around me. It smelled like home.

[choupichoups]

Press F (Instagram/College AU) Ch.3

Lucas swears he’s the absolute master of undetected stalking. Or: Eliott is instagram famous and Lucas is the disaster gay who accidentally likes his post.

“I think it’s about you.”

“… I don’t think so.”

“Lulu, please, the guy’s hardcore indirecting you. There’s a heart and all. Acknowledge the effort.”

“How are you so sure?”

The four of them are huddled around his phone, scrutinizing Eliott’s latest story. Half built furniture lay around in haphazard piles on the floor, two empty pizza boxes shoved in a corner near where a dangerously tilting dining table stands.

“Aren’t you meeting at 13h tomorrow? Would have been exactly 24 hours away at the time he posted that.”

Lucas still thinks the guys are reaching, but he lets it slide. He’s not quite over the whiplash of seeing Eliott’s gorgeous face closely followed by that silly raccoon photo. This man is ridiculous and Lucas can’t wait to tell him that to his face. 

Assuming he’d be able to string proper sentences around Eliott anyway. 

“What’s with the raccoon, though?” Arthur asks, sprawling on the floor as he balances a can of soda on his chest. 

“It’s his spirit animal,” Lucas murmurs, tapping away from the story. Eliott hasn’t posted anything else. “What?” He looks up to three sets of raised eyebrows. “He mentioned it in a live once!”

“Okay, I see, so you’re really the creep in this scenario.”

His eyes roll up to the ceiling, “I am not.”

“But for real though, how do we know this guy isn’t a fuck boy?” The question comes from Basile, giving Lucas pause. He spares Basile the stinkiest side eye he can manage, one foot shooting out to kick at the boy’s leg. “Ow! I’m just looking out for you.”

“This, coming from you?” 

“Hey now, I’ve learned from my mistakes.” Basile fixes the glasses sliding off his face — reading glasses that he likes to wear because he thinks they make him look smart — and slaps Lucas’ offending foot away. “I’m a whole new person from who I was yesterday.”

“Whatever. Besides, Yann’s coming with me tomorrow,” Lucas says, gazing up at his best friend with a pleading smile. “Just to walk with me to the building, right?" 

“I am?” 

Yes, or Lucas would die from nerves before they even make eye contact and Eliott would only find his corpse at the bridge. Nobody needs that sort of tragedy right now. “Please?” He musters up the most pitiful puppy eyes he's capable of.

Yann sighs, “I guess I am.”

“Can I come?” Arthur sits up, almost knocking his drink over in the process.

“No.”

“Why not? I wanna make sure he’s not a creep too!”

“Yann’s got it covered.” 

“This isn’t fair, Lulu.”

“I wanna come too!” That one's from Basile.

Lucas snorts, “Nope.”

He pulls instagram back up because he lacks control over his own actions, as per previously established. But instead of scrolling through the feed, he snaps a photo of the lone box of pizza in arm’s reach of their wonky circle. 

They sit around on the floor arguing on instagram despite being next to each other, last slice of pizza remaining untouched. 

But Lucas promptly abandons the post when he sees a new private message pop up.

srodulv What are you wearing?

“Oh my fucking god,” he says before he can stop himself. The rest of the gang perks up, throwing increasingly ludicrous questions at him all at once. “Wait, shut up, shut up.” He waves his arms at them, playfully shoving Arthur off when the other boy tries for a glimpse at his screen.

“Is it Eliott?” Yann asks, obviously trying to be the level headed one of the four.

“Yeah,” he manages to squeak out, thoroughly distracted. 

srodulv Tomorrow I mean :)

lucallemant Stop that

srodulv What? I didn’t do anything

lucallemant I swear to god Why do you wanna know

srodulv So I can see you from afar and sneak up on you

lucallemant ??

srodulv It’ll be cute

lucallemant lol stop that 

srodulv What if I can’t find you?

lucallemant Then I’ll find you I can sneak up on you instead Cause I know exactly what you’re wearing

srodulv Why?  Cause you’ll be stalking me again?

lucallemant No Cause you wear the same thing everyday

srodulv I do not

lucallemant Yes you do 

srodulv I don’t! It’s just my jacket

lucallemant Okay

srodulv What okay?

lucallemant Okay :)

srodulv Lucas

lucallemant :)

He looks up after noticing the silence around him, finding Yann’s dead stare, Basile’s open mouthed one, and Arthur’s— well, Arthur’s got the last piece of pizza stuffed in his mouth. “What?”

“He was smiling at his phone.” Basile turns to Yann as if Lucas isn’t sitting right there. 

“Yeah,” Yann agrees. “Did you see the way he just ignored us? Not cool.”

“Bro code broken.”

Lucas rolls his eyes so hard he’s momentarily worried it’d get stuck like that forever. 

srodulv So you see me enough to judge my fashion huh

lucallemant How’d you manage to turn this around in your favour

srodulv It’s an acquired skill 

lucallemant Impressive 

srodulv So? 

lucallemant So what?

srodulv I’m not getting an answer am I?

lucallemant Smart man

His phone rings with a different tone just as he hits send, bringing Lucas out of his lovestruck cheesing quite abruptly. The name flashing on the screen has him up on his feet in a nanosecond, leaving the guys crawling around picking on Arthur for consuming their current source of entertainment.

“Where you goin’?” Arthur calls out as Lucas moves away. 

“Gotta take this.” He gestures at his phone then points to the balcony where he’s headed. “Hey, Marie, what’s up?” 

“Afternoon, Lucas. How are you?”

“Good, good. Is everything alright?”

“Yes! Your mother’s actually the one who asked me to call. She just can’t find her phone,” Marie chuckles from the other line. “But she wants to ask if you have any free time at all today? We’re due for a little fresh air ourselves.”

“Okay, what time?”

“We’re thinking of heading out in an hour? We can meet you at the bus stop one block off the clinic.” 

“Yeah, sure. That sounds good.”

“Okay, I’ll bring Champ.”

“Yes!” He jumps a little, running back to where the guys are still spread out on the floor.

Marie laughs, “I see who you’re most excited to meet.”

“Don’t tell mama.” He laughs along, mumbling his goodbyes before hanging up. “Hey, morons, I gotta go.”

“But we haven’t built my bed yet!” Basile sits up, looking genuinely disappointed. 

“Sleep on the floor.” Lucas smiles to soften his words, moving closer to clap their hands together. “Sorry guys, mama wants to hang out.” 

When Lucas gets to Yann, the other boy stands with him. “I’m going with Lucas, see you guys.”

“Oh okay.” Basile turns to Arthur then. “You’re staying right?” To which Arthur agrees only if they buy another box of pizza.

“You don’t have to,” Lucas says softly when they get to the door. 

“Nah, let’s go. I haven’t come with you to visit in a while.” Yann smiles down at him, giving him a gentle pat on the back. God, he loves this guy. 

One o’clock in the morning finds Lucas cramming for an essay he’s completely forgotten is due the next day. Well, today now actually. This is why he has a problem with professors assigning things months in advance— he puts it off so much so that the excessively early due date warning causes more harm than good. 

He’s right about to pull his hair out in frustration after writing and deleting and rewriting the same fucking paragraph for the fifth time when his phone, left open to review the notes Imane had sent him, brightens slightly to alert him with a message from Eliott. 

srodulv Can I ask you something?

Lucas briefly entertains the notion of telling him to go the fuck to sleep but that would be very hypocritical of him. 

lucallemant Yeah

srodulv I mean, you don’t have to answer If you don’t want to

lucallemant Okay What is it?

He turns away from his laptop, sliding off his desk chair and onto the floor. Eliott’s taking a while to answer, which allows Lucas’ bitch of a brain to formulate unpleasant thoughts as to where this conversation’s going. 

Too antsy now to stay on the floor, he drags himself up and towards the bed, wrapping himself completely in the blankets as he waits it out. By the time Eliott actually sends something, Lucas’s already shivering from the nerves. 

srodulv The guy you were with today The one you post about a lot Who is he?

Lucas exhales a huge breath. And then he reads the messages again.

Rereads them over and over.

“Shut the fuck up,” he whispers to himself. “No,” he continues, letting out a loud laugh before slapping a hand over his mouth, conscious of Yann sleeping next door. 

Which. Yann. Is Eliott—

He throws his phone to the foot of the bed, needing to bury his entire self in the blankets to suppress a scream. Lucas allows himself a little flail. Just a tiny bit, the movement’s barely even visible. An arm shoots out from the blanket lump a minute later, feeling around for the discarded phone before his head pops back out as well. He must have taken too long answer because Eliott types up another message. 

srodulv You really don’t have to tell me, it’s fine

lucallemant Eliott  That’s my best friend 

He bites his bottom lip, adding a cheeky afterthought. 

lucallemant Don’t worry 

srodulv Ah, okay Now I won’t 

lucallemant You were worried?

srodulv Yes

Fuck, Lucas thinks, his heart’s going to burst out of his chest at this point.

lucallemant Stop that

srodulv What? Who gets a dog and goes on champagne dates with their best friend? 

lucallemant Lol Champagne is the dog That’s her name

srodulv OH

lucallemant Yup and we were with my mom and her friend too so

srodulv Oh

lucallemant You all good now?

srodulv :)

lucallemant Weirdo

srodulv This weirdo can’t wait til 13h  

lucallemant Haha go to sleep Eliott 

srodulv You too, Lucas Sweet dreams

Lucas flops down on the bed, face first. Feelings are so exhausting.

[bevpegs]

31: New Year’s Kiss

sorry i haven’t posted any more of the ficmas stuff lol. i’ve been so busy sometimes i forgot to write it all together. anyway this is Sad and i’m sorry but i’ve been dwelling on this particular angst topic for ages aldasldghasdh.

read it on ao3 

word count: 1998 | posted DEC 31 2019

New Year’s in Derry wasn’t different from anywhere else. The kids all piled into the Hanlon’s barn, the empty old one full of rusting, dying farm equipment. They’d go treasure hunting in there sometimes, pulling up relics from the farm’s past, from the town’s history.

Those kids had reputations. They were soft with one another, all caresses and forehead kisses, because their parents… well, their parents weren’t. Even the Kaspbrak boy, who hated being called small or delicate, was soft with those kids. His gaze turned to them and became all soft edges and little smiles, big eyes and freckles. It was easy to see why Sonia kept him hidden away, tried to keep him under her thumb. He was like one of those puppies you get for Christmas, the ones that quickly outgrow your twelve-year-old’s patience. Eddie couldn’t be brought back to the pound, though, so he got drunk at the old Hanlon barn in the middle of nowhere, where he could scream and run and nobody would stop him.

The Marsh girl supplied them with alcohol. She was a charmer, but the only boys she ever fell for in return were those boys. The only ones who didn’t treat her like anything but something to be cherished. The only ones who didn’t suffocate her. The ones who lifted her up, higher and higher and higher, away from the clutches of Al Marsh, away from the stares and the sneers that awaited girls in that town. Bev loved them, unendingly, with the fire that nobody else could see in her. They all knew that she was their core, the thing they twisted around and bent to. She was the moon, and they all were the tide, and the crops, and the people that worshipped her.

The Denbrough boy soaked up all the attention he could get. Never got any at home, not since his brother, well. You know. He got the most drunk, the quickest, and threw up in the bushes, then drank some more to get the taste out of his mouth. He never was the same, after that summer. It’s a shame, seeing bright children go to waste like that. He could write, though. Where the others could see things effortlessly, like the way the branches of a tree could weave together to make a roof, he saw words. He saw stories, or he had them in his chest. They brought him up to the stars, too, because they were the only ones who would pick them for him like apples from a tree. It’d be easy, for them, if they did it at his request. They would do anything for him. Well, they’d do anything for each other. But they followed Bill wherever he went, wherever he wandered, no matter how dangerous or doomed or ill-conceived. 

Hanscom, that kid with the single mother, he was never outspoken. He was always quiet, always last place, but he worked hard. He was earnest, he was kind, and gentle, and everything none of the others ever expected a man to be. They all knew men as filthy, snarling beasts with slurs on the tips of their tongue, but Ben held their hands and rubbed their shoulders and wrote them poems, got them flowers. Never raised his voice at them, or hit them, always asked before he kissed and kept secrets as faithfully as a dog. He ran with Eddie, both of them trying to outrun something they never could. He rarely got as excited, as hyper as Eddie, but they were both dancing in circles around the other Losers in the frigid December air, howling to the wind. Successfully outrunning whatever they were trying to, at least for the night.

Tozier howled too, something wild overcoming him as the cycle worked closer to the ending and then, the beginning. He didn’t run, too long-limbed to be any good at it. His glasses had been long-lost, he was too drunk to really know the difference anyway. They--the kids--mellowed him out, ran his energy thin. Mike’s hand on his arm, a sideways glance from Bev, a kiss from Eddie were the only things that ever got him to stop talking. He danced, though, with the Marsh girl, breathless and pressed together. He was all straight lines, physically, but everything else about him was crooked and looped and broken. He’d crash and spend the night in the center of the circle, the way those kids slept together, pressed against one another, holding someone in the middle. Richie would be the one tonight, after he started gasping from cold and everyone realized he was crying.

Uris was curled up against Hanlon, on top of a pile of filthy hay with a blanket laid over top. They were mellow, watching with half-open eyes as the others danced and sang and screamed. Stan wasn’t usually calm, but there was something about the others that made him think it would all be okay. He was all nerves, afraid of his own shadow. Who knows--maybe he did have something real to fear. His father never seemed to think so, but Stan knew better. There were plenty of things to be afraid of when he wasn’t pressed up against Mike, when he wasn’t watching Eddie and Ben chase each other with sparklers. He had so much to fear. Eddie’s mom, and Bev’s future, when she’d be pulled from the town like a healthy tooth from a mouth. Richie’s instability, Ben’s insecurity. Bill’s neglect. When they were worried, they came to Stan, because Stan would tell them everything would be okay in the most certain of terms, even when Stan didn’t believe it himself.

Mike was the thing that kept them all together. If Bev was the core, Mike was the gravity holding everything to the core, keeping them packed so tightly together that nobody could pry them apart. He was the warmest, so when they were cold, they would reach out and ask for his hands against their fingers, their nose, their ears. Mike would oblige, in return for a kiss. They wouldn’t hesitate to deliver. Mike hated to see things in pain. He hated the screaming of the newborn calf, the one with the birth defect where it looked so sickly they had to kill it. He hated the sound of the sobbing. Richie’s crying, saying they’d all have to leave eventually, that they’d forget. Mike knew they would--that’s the thing about Derry. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how you wrote it down or catalogued it, you’d forget. Derry wasn’t on any maps or travel guides. Nobody who left Derry ever came back, unless they came for a funeral. There were no hospitals in Derry, no wedding venues. The only reason to come back, the only reason to remember, was at a wake, as they lowered the body into the ground.

Richie didn’t want to forget. He didn’t want to be alone again, he didn’t want to have to start fresh, even if he was still sporting a black eye from the last time Bowers’ cronies played Smear the Queer. He wanted to curl up in the hay, with Bev spooning him and petting his hair, he wanted to die like that. Wanted to feel Mike’s calloused hands on his face forever.

“I can’t forget,” Richie begged, “There has to be some way to remember.”

The radio was on in the background, announcing the start of the New Year. The last year the Losers would be in high school, the last year they’d have together before the Forgetting. Mike dreaded it, more than anything in the world. He’d never felt his chest seize up like the thought of the Losers leaving. They’d forget him, they’d move on. The clown had promised them happy lives if they left. Mike wouldn’t. There was no future for him outside of Derry. He could feel the others revving up to leave, almost as if they were enticed by the Forgetting.

Three minutes to midnight, and they were still around Richie, placating him with empty promises. They knew they wouldn’t keep them. They’d made a promise, and for the promise to work someone had to stay, and Stan had been accepted to Georgia State and Bev had gotten into some fancy fashion design school in Upstate New York, and Mike had nothing. Mike had an ailing grandfather and a failing farm and no more cattle.

Richie was inconsolable. He went to the one person who didn’t know how to lie. “Ben, will you stay? Please? With me, we don’t have to stay here, we can go anywhere, we can--”

“Richie,” Ben said, with sad eyes, with the gentle hands and kind words. That’s all he said. He couldn’t lie, so he didn’t. He didn’t say anything, just tried to keep the lump in his throat from turning into something more. He didn’t know whether sobs or words would be more mortifying.

Sixty seconds.

They moved closer, a few blankets covering them, encasing them in the warmth of an embrace.

Richie begged and begged, like he was hurting. Mike imagined this is what the sheep sounded like before he put a bullet through their brain. He pleaded, hands twisting in the front of Mike’s shirt. Bev was crying, too, her face pressed to the back of Richie’s head.

When the buzzer went off, Mike surged forward to kiss him. Richie tasted like tears, like alcohol, and Mike let out a sob into Richie’s mouth. The future was so rocky, so uncertain, so unstable it felt like crumbling earth. Like they were on a cliff face, about to tumble into the sea.

“Rich,” Stan said, rubbing Richie’s calf, “You know we can’t--we can’t stay together. We’d forget, we’d drift. It’d hurt less to just leave. We have right now, though. I love you so much, Rich, it hurts to think about it too much.”

Richie shuddered, burying his face in the crook of Mike’s neck. The knowledge felt too heavy, it weighed down their shoulders. Mike could feel Eddie sit down next to him, finally run all the way down to his bones.

“Mikey,” Eddie said, a tremble in his voice, “I don’t want to leave.”

Eddie was brave. He’d resisted, he’d all but run away in his attempt to get his mother to stay in the town. He’d faltered, though. He wasn’t a coward any more than the rest of them, but he’d caved, he’d let his mother drag him out to NYC. Ben was moving away, too, and Bev and Stan and…

Mike let out a sound that could have been a sob, but was closer to a wail. He hated it, feeling so vulnerable, so open.

“I love you,” Ben said, in lieu of Mike, “More than anything, Eddie, I love all of you.”

Eddie’s back was pressed up against Mike’s, solid and not delicate at all. He’d filled out, after the first few weeks of letting his lungs expand all the way, of letting himself breathe and run and scream.

“Happy New Year,” Bill muttered, bitter and quiet and angry. He was, more than anyone, angry. At his parents, his teachers, himself. At that stupid fucking clown. But he could never be angry at them, and he let out a sigh, Stan caressing his shoulders. He relaxed into Stan’s touch. They cried together, they all cried, they all mourned, grieved for what that clown had done to them, even if he hadn’t killed them. He’d stapled them together by the palms of their hands and then he ripped them apart, tearing them from one another like an arm from a shoulder.

They loved so hard that it would kill them to leave, for the days, for the hours they remembered. They knew, they knew it was coming and there was no way out because they were all just scared kids, still trying to survive, still trying to put one foot in front of the other.

[theforsakenprince]

Frostbitten Chapter 4: Virgil

Previous Masterlist Next

Word Count: 1548

Warnings: Character death (none of the main cast die don’t worry lol), blood, lemme know if I should add anything.

A/N: this chapter was supposed to be longer, but I decided to split this into two parts, so expect the next one soon

Virgil drew patterns in the sand with his claws as he stared out to sea. A crab scuttled over his tail, but he barely noticed.

“Virgil?” his mother, Drizzle, called from inside the tiny hut they lived in, poking her head out. “I’m heading out to the market, do you need anything?”

Virgil shook the sand from between his talons. “Some purple fabric would be nice, I’m running out of that. I also need more string,” he counted the items off on his claws as Drizzle gathered her baskets. “Oh! And if you can, get me some purple dye.”

Drizzle smirked and bowed dramatically. “Anything else, Your Highness?”

He laughed, standing up to help his mother with her baskets. “Now that you mention it, I have been craving some whale…”

She nudged him playfully. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Stormy. I can only carry so many things at once.” she spread her wings. “I’ll see you soon!”

I hope you don’t blow anything up while I’m gone. He heard her think.

“What makes you think I’m so irresponsible that I’d blow something up?” he tugged at his claws thoughtfully. “I can’t even breathe fire! All I can do is read minds and-”

“Virgil, honey, it was a joke, there’s no need to stress over it,” she said with a small laugh.

“Yeah. I knew that.”

Drizzle gave him a soft smile. I love you, Virge.

“I love you too, mom.”

With that, she spread her wings and he watched her fly away until she was out of sight. He turned back to mindlessly drawing things in the sand.

For Virgil’s entire life, it had just been him and his mom. She would go to the market at the edge of the rainforest every few days, and sometimes he would go too. She had been careful to avoid both the SeaWings and the war while simultaneously raising him.

And she had done it all alone.

His mother didn’t talk about his father very often, but Virgil knew enough to dislike him. 

His father had been a NightWing named Relentless. Drizzle had met him somewhere in the sea kingdom and eventually fell in love. Soon after Drizzle announced she was going to have an egg, Relentless left, never to be seen again.

Virgil clenched his fists. He swore that if he ever saw Relentless, he would have… words. 

But for now, he sat on the beach and waited for his mother to come back.

It had been too long, far too long since Drizzle had left for the market.

Virgil paced nervously, trying to keep himself from worrying even when horrible worst-case scenarios flew through his mind. No matter how many times he attempted to push them away, they always came back, each more horrifying than the last.

She’s never gone this long.  He thought. He shoved it away angrily. She would be fine. She had to be fine.

As the moon rose higher in the sky, he grew more restless. He was about to retire back to the hut when movement caught his eye. Down by the shore, a dragon like shape bobbed in the water.

He reached out with his mind tentatively, but heard nothing. He started down the beach warily, keeping his eyes on the moving dragon shape the entire time.

“Drizzle? Mother?” Virgil called out quietly. From here, he could tell that that was definitely Drizzle, but why was she in the water? Did she decide to swim back?

His eyes widened in horror and he clapped his talons over his mouth to keep from screaming when he saw the enormous gash in Drizzle’s throat. He stumbled the rest of the way to the body, feeling hot tears spill out of his eyes.

“Mom? Mom please get up,” he said when he reached her, though he knew it was futile. Her mind had gone dark. Silent.

His mother was dead. 

He pulled her body close to his chest and sobbed into her shoulder. He was about to pull away when a flash of silver caught his eye.

A silver bracelet with a purple stormcloud charm was wrapped around Drizzle’s wrist. With shaking talons, he slipped the bracelet off and wrapped it around his own wrist.

By the time the sun had risen, Virgil had buried his mother’s body and cried the last of his tears. With one last sad look at her grave, he turned and headed into the hut.

“Goodbye, mother,” he said, trying not to choke up. “I- I’m leaving. I don’t think I can live here without you.”

For a few days, he had tried. He had tried to cook meals just for himself, making art with no one to show it to. He had tried, but failed. The island just felt too empty, too quiet without his mother.

With one last glance at his childhood home, he lifted into the air and flew.

3 Months later

Virgil pushed his way through the crowd, narrowly avoiding being stabbed by several SandWing tail barbs. Although he was overheating in his black and purple hoodie, he pulled the hood over his head and lowered his neck. The chatter of hundreds of dragons’ brains was giving him a headache, and he resisted the urge to clap his talons over his ears (as if that would have helped).

After leaving the island months ago, he had done his best to avoid the war, and that led him to the Scorpion Den in the Sand Kingdom. Now, he lied low, steering clear of gangs and crime lords that infested the town. He mostly kept to himself and only spoke to the residents if absolutely necessary. 

Which was why he was totally unprepared when he was suddenly shoved into an alley.

He stumbled and fell, sand clogging his nostrils. He attempted to throw his attacker off, only succeeding in filling his hoodie with more sand.

Virgil reached out with his mind and tried to reach his attacker’s brain to find something, anything, but before he could, he was roughly pulled to his feet. He stumbled and righted himself. He looked up and got his first good look at his attacker.

He was a SandWing, at least twice as big as Virgil. Dragon skull tattoos ran down his neck and along the edges of his wings. He was flanked by two other SandWings.

“I don’t have anything valuable to you,” Virgil said, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

The SandWing nodded at his wrist, where his mother’s bracelet was. “What’s that, then?”

He cursed silently and crouched in a fighting stance. His mother had taught him how to fight, but there was no way he could take on three dragons at once.

Suddenly, one of the thugs pounced at him, letting out an ear splitting roar. Virgil sidestepped and lunged at the end of the alley, toward the main street.

He had almost made it when something crashed into his side. He hit the wall of the building behind him and crumpled to the ground, breathless.

He looked up weakly. The biggest SandWing stood over him, his tail barb raised like a scorpion. “Give us the bracelet, HalfWing.”

Virgil flinched. HalfWing was the most serious insult anyone could say to a hybrid like him. He had heard it too many times since coming to the Scorpion Den.

The SandWing kicked him in the head, momentarily blinding him with pain. “I asked you something, hybrid.”

He felt a tug at his wrist and looked up to see one of the SandWings trying to wrestle the bracelet off his arm. “No. no, no no,” he muttered. He would not lose his mother’s bracelet. He struggled against their grip weakly.

He was starting to lose hope when a voice called out from the end of the alley. “What is going on here?”

The SandWings paused and turned toward the newcomer. Virgil lifted his head weakly and blinked hard. The newcomer didn’t look like any dragon he’d ever seen. For starters, he didn’t seem to have any wings. He could have passed for a NightWing if it weren’t for the tail barb on the end of his tail. Most strangely of all, one half of his face was covered in green scales.

One of the SandWings stepped forward. “This is none of your business.”

“It is my business if it happens in my part of town.” his voice had a strange hiss to it.

“That’s not true,” another one of the SandWings protested. “Thorn has taken over the entire city.”

“Not this part, she hasn’t. She doesn’t have the power to.”

“Enough,” said the SandWing with the skull tattoos. “You can’t stop all three of us.”

“Maybe not. But I have allies. Many allies. And you want to know what each of my enemies have in common?” the stranger didn’t wait for an answer. “Nobody hears from them again. We wouldn’t want that to happen to you, would we?”

The thugs exchanged looks before walking away, muttering curses under their breaths.

Virgil glanced upwards as the stranger walked over to him and suppressed a gasp.

He couldn’t read the stranger’s mind.

“Who- who are you?” he whispered.

The stranger stayed silent for a moment, his eyes searing into Virgil’s. “You can call me Deceit.”

Taglist: @bangchanthelegend

[ghostofvixx]

Royalty-HRJ

When Renjun is a prince that doesn’t know much about life and a tightrope-walker has to show him what real life’s about.

Words: 2.8K

Requested: Can I request a renjun (nct) imagine? :-) what about a prince au where renjun falls in love with the tightrope-walker of a travelling circus that’s come to the castle (sorry I had a dream about this)

Genre: fluff + angst at some point???

Warning: none apart from cursing some time maybe. Idk if this is what you wanted anonie, but I tried to do my best kjskjsk. This is one of the best requests I’ve ever gotten, maybe I make an NCT Dream series out of this if I’m creative enough lol. Thank you again for trusting me anonie!

Renjun has been surrounded by luxury his entire life. There hasn’t been a single time when breakfast hasn’t been taken at the main room, with all types of dishes from the kingdoms that border their own, or when they’ve worn a garment made out of other material than silk.

Advantages of being a part of the royal family.

Renjun is the prince of the kingdom, soon-to-be the king once his father abdicates, and he’s always lived inside the multiple walls that construct the castle. That’s the reason why he knows very little about life outside it. Walks through the town are limited, in fact, he’s seen the condition of it twice, both when he was little, and he barely remembers. But he trusts his parents with his life, and he knows they’re doing a good job.

However, he’s still their puppet.

“Renjun, don’t eat that much, you’ll get fat in no time.” It’s his father’s first advice when taking breakfast.

“Candy? Do you think we belong to the common people?” His mother clicks her tongue, she does it when she’s disappointed at Renjun.

Eventually, he’s gotten used to bite his tongue, to be a good son and to stop asking for things. He would protest, but he knows it’s pointless, so he just reluctantly accepts it and lives as comfortably as always. But his desire to explore the town and to get to know the common people won’t disappear.

Overall when he’s been seeing a marquee right in front of the castle for the last five days, and his parents won’t offer him any explanation.

“Sicheng.” He calls his teacher and the person he can trust the most.

“Yes, your majesty?”

“What’s that?” He points to the marquee and his teacher sighs.

“We don’t know yet since the King hasn’t said a thing, but we suppose it’s a circus.”

“Another one?”

“Just, please, ignore it, maybe they have nothing to do with that and it’s something completely different and dangerous.” Renjun rolls his eyes.

“Why are you warning me about these things?”

“Because I know how bad you want to explore. And, even if I totally support you with that, I’m afraid you can’t do it until you’re the king.” At his teacher's explanations, he just rolls his eyes once again, he understands the reason why his parents want to protect him, but he doesn't really need it.

How’s he going to be a good king if he doesn’t know the people he’s dealing with?

That’s why he finally makes up his mind to live his first adventure ever.

***

Running away from the castle at noon is even harder than at midnight. All the lectures he has received about using a sword aren’t helpful when your initial plan is to descend through the walls of the castle, but thank god Sicheng decided a while ago that they should practice even more tactics for when you don’t have a sword. Otherwise, he would be dead already.

He only has a few scratches and a big pain in the ass due to his slip when he was about to finish, but he doesn’t even care.

“Where should I star?” He whispers as he hides his face under the hood. He wants to leave the marquee for the last, but he can’t, so the first thing he does is to stand right in front of it, not knowing what to expect. Should he open the thin curtain? Should he turn around and walk back? He decided to do the first thing immediately since he might chicken out afterward.

“What are you doing here?” 

A voice scares Renjun, who turns around and holds a little knife he carries with him in a weak attempt to defend himself. To his surprise, nobody’s there.

“Up here you coward!” He raises his look to the tree in front of him and he almost faints.

“What are you doing there? Please get down!” He begs the girl that is standing in one of the thinnest branches of the tree. “Please, you’re going to fall!”

The girl smirks.

“Who are you to tell me what to do?” He was about to answer when she climbs to another branch, this time thicker, and takes a seat there. He takes his hand to where his heart is supposed to be and opens his eyes widely. “Don't worry, kid, I know what I’m doing.”

“Kid?” He thinks to himself. “She can’t be older than me.”

“I’m-” And when he was about to introduce himself, raising his index finger in superiority, someone calls his name.

“Prince Renjun! Here you are!” Sicheng is running to him, and he can’t tell that not in a good mood, He listens to the sound of a hit and sees you sitting on the floor with a funny face. Quickly, he helps you to stand up and asks a low “are you okay’”, but turns around when he listens to Sicheng’s footsteps approaching.  “I told you that you shouldn’t live these type of adventures, thank god I found you! Imagine what your parents would have done if they had been the ones to discover you’re missing! What are you even doing here I-”

“I’m sorry, Sicheng, but I was talking to h-” He’s about to continue when he realizes that the spot you were at is now empty. Sicheng continues to burst out a thing after another one but Renjun can only focus on your little encounter, wondering when will be the next time.

***

It happened a week after.

“Renjun, get ready for tonight, apparently a circus is going to be visiting us tonight.” The Queen warns him, and he nods quietly.

It’s a gesture that goes unnoticed by his parents, but not by Sicheng. Yes, Renjun isn’t the most expressive when he’s around his parents, but, to Sicheng, he seems so down lately.

“Are you okay, your majesty?” He asks the younger boy when they’re finally alone.

“I just can’t stop thinking of her.”

“Again? Come on, she’ll be fine.”

“No, it’s not just the fact that she fell from the tree, it’s the fact that her clothes were torn out, she seemed to live inside that tent, how can she live in a place like that?”

Sicheng sighs.

“That’s how biggest part of this world live, but we’re fine, seriously, she’ll be fine.” It’s like a cold bucket of water, like getting hit by reality itself. And Renjun feels his heart in pain and he won’t stop thinking about her.

The first girl he’s met, where is she now?

Sicheng tells him that he’s overreacting whenever he can, but Renjun can’t stop thinking about he’ll never meet someone like her ever again until he becomes a king and he’ll have to listen to the common people. He’s been so clueless all his life, why did his parents never warn him about such a thing? Even if he wants to keep thinking about the encounter he had a week ago, suddenly he realizes that the circus he was going to attend is about to start, and his parents will be very angry if he’s not there, so he puts on his crown, takes a seat by his mother’s side and watches carefully how the curtain raises.

Up to now, everything is just usual: fire, juggling, acrobatics, nothing that is worth telling. But, suddenly, when he looks up to see the rope that goes from one side of the stage to the other, he almost faints, once again.

You’re there, walking slowly yet without a doubt, without shaking, keeping balance perfectly. Renjun figures you don’t know he’s there, but, in fact, the reason why you’re so focused is because you’re trying not to see him. You’ll die of embarrassment if you ever do. Once you’ve come to an end, you thank god that your number is done and you have no reason to stay on the stage, so you can hide until the show is over and they run away from there.

Renjun, on the other hand, is worry-sick. He doesn’t like the circus itself because people are always in so much danger, and now he doesn’t like it because of you.

“Sicheng, did you see that?” He asks his teacher carefully. “It’s her, she’s the one I told you about.”

“Y/n?”

“How do you know her?” 

“Her name was written somewhere at the beginning of the show.”

“Oh.” Renjun decides to leave the conversation there, but he hopes that he will get to talk to you properly tonight.

***

He accomplishes it, even if he wasn’t expecting it.

Once the show comes to an end, the tradition is to have dinner with the ones who have been able to bring the circus there, commonly known as “managers”, but Renjun wasn’t feeling like pretending for so long, so he excused himself saying he wasn’t feeling good. Now, he’s decided to read a book that Sicheng recommended a while ago on the balcony to make some time before going to sleep. What was supposed to be a peaceful night without overthinking turns out to be a night full of frights when he suddenly feels a presence sitting in a branch of a tree. Way too big to be a bird, but way too small to be something else.

“Good night, your majesty.” You say, making him jump from his chair. You try not to laugh hard at him, thinking that he’s not your friend, but you can’t help smiling.

“What are you doing here?” He asks, surprised in the best of the ways. “And for the love of god get down of that branch before you give me another heart attack.”

“I must agree that we always meet in the most unfortunate situations.” You smile, but you won’t get down of the branch, which makes Renjun feel nervous. “I’m here because I think I owe your majesty an apology”

He rolls his eyes, he could have been treated like an ordinary person for once, but you had to find out he’s the prince.

“Please, drop the ‘your majesty’ thing, you didn’t know me when we first met, right?”

“That’s why I’m here, I shouldn’t have treated your majesty like that.”

“No, seriously, you can drop it, I like it more when I get treated like a normal person.” He warns. “Besides, you’re a responsible person, you came here, gave me a heart attack, interrupted my reading time, only to apologize!”

You can feel the sarcasm in his voice and it surprises you how different he is from what you had expected.

“The least I want to have is a bad relationship with someone as important, I don’t want to go to the dungeon of the castle when my job requires traveling, or to pay money I don’t have.” You shrug your shoulder and Renjun feels surprised once again. How different is the world from what he had expected?

“You won’t because of a simple mistake.” He mutters, still shocked. “Why would I make you do that?”

This time, you laugh loudly.

“Because that’s how royalty usually goes, you must know who you’re talking to. Didn’t you know that?”

“I knew, but I didn't know it was as serious. I don’t know much about life in general.” He complains. “I’ve actually never left the castle, maybe once or twice.”

This time you’re the one to be shocked.

“Do you want to come with me?” You ask. “Like, we can walk around town, there aren’t a lot of people now, and they won’t recognize you if you wear that hood from the other day.”

And Renjun doesn’t hesitate, finally a good adventure. He sees how you get to the floor perfectly, without hurting yourself and you make a gesture, letting him know that the only way to get down is by using the tree. Renjun gulps and looks at it, unsure of where to start. An adventure indeed.

He doesn’t know what he was expecting, but definitely not that. It’s dark, cold, lonely and a little dirty.

“Is it always like this?” He asks in the middle of your small talk.

“Of course not!” You exclaim. “In the morning there are a lot of stands to buy basic food, and then there’s a minstrel who tells stories and people sit around them to listen carefully. It’s not your luxury life, but some of us manage.”

“Do you live here?” He asks, confused. “Didn't you say you traveled?”

“I do, that’s what we do in the circus, but I also know what living like this is, you know?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” He blushes.

“You should come tomorrow morning, talk to the citizens even if it’s just to make small talk about the weather, even if they don’t know you are the prince, there are a lot of things you have to realize about before becoming a king, and one of them is to understand and love your citizens.”

He feels encouraged by those words.

“I’ll try to come here whenever I can, I promise.”

“Good.” You smile fondly. The kid by your side has a lot of things to learn, but it’s nothing like his parents. “You’re going to be a good king.”

Renjun doesn’t know why he’s blushing so much, but he does know it feels good to be complimented.

His adventure doesn’t last long when the bells announce that it’s already midnight, and he knows that Sicheng is going to go to his room in order to check if he’s already sleeping.

“Then why are you so slow?” You say, hurriedly. “Let’s go!” You take his hand and run as fast as you can while Renjun follows you. He should be worried, nobody wants to see an angry Sicheng, but he’s having so much fun that the only thing he can do is hold your hand back and run by your side, while he laughs like crazy.

“Thank you for this.” He says once you’re beside the blasted tree.

“No problem Renjun, it’s been a pleasure. Remember to visit your citizens okay?”

“Come with me!” But his enthusiasm is cut when he realizes you’re not looking at him as excited. “I really wish I could, but I have to leave tomorrow, you know, with the circus.” Renjun pouts, something he never knew he was able to do, and your heart jumps inside your chest. “They’re like my family, you know? I have to be with them, I owe them everything.”

“That’s fine, I understand.” He looks down, ashamed of his actions, it’s not such a big deal! “Will I ever see you again?”

You shrug and suddenly he feels like crying.

“I really hope so, I would love to see you once you become the greatest king.”

“I’ll be waiting for you to give you all you want, I owe it to you.”

“What? No you d-”

“I know more about my town thanks to you, those are the basics of a good king. Besides, you’re the first person I know by myself and that it’s not thanks to my position, at least tonight I haven’t felt lonely, not even for a second.”

Your heart drops at his words, you didn’t know it was that important.

“Please, say something, I’m opening my heart here, you know?” He says, embarrassed.

“It’s been a pleasure, really.” You approach him, but he won’t take a step back. “You have a pure heart, please, never lose it when you become a king.” Only a few centimeters are left before you can feel your hand in his. By pure instinct, or maybe in an attempt to make this night even more special to him, your lips meet his for a second.

It’s a peck, short, sweet, friendly, nothing that holds a deeper promise apart from the “We will meet again!” But it’s enough to both of you. You take a deep bow, a gesture that he copies and then you turn around.

It’s easier to climb up the tree, but if it was harder Renjun wouldn’t have noticed it. He’s so deep into his thoughts that he doesn’t even know how he didn’t notice Sicheng inside his room.

“Again.” He begins, startling Renjun once again. “You’re glad I’m the one who caught you doing that, you would be in big trouble if I had been someone else.”

“I know, thank you, Sicheng.”

“She’s right, you’re not like your parents, you will be a great king, you know, right?”

Renjun nods, thankful.

“Who would have said that a tightrope-walker will have this effect on me.”

“Well, you can call it ‘love at first sight’ you know? It happens sometimes.”

“I don’t want any other circus anymore.” Renjun pouts. “Will I ever see her again?”

“Who knows, maybe, I don't really know.” Sicheng laughs at Renjun’s unsatisfied facial expression. “Go to sleep, your majesty, you’ll find out if it’s the right time.”

“You’re right.” Renjun sighs. “By the moment, I’ll try to be the best of the kings.”