#emo who doesn’t dress the part
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I, eh… I might take a break for a couple days
My exam phase is cropping up and also I got more or less triggered earlier today which lead to some pretty ugly self-depreciation
And against the jokes my cousin and I made after the fact, I did not actually manage to “[follow] the emo way: channel that breakdown into [writing]” as I had tried to
So, uh.… I might avoid the ace side of tumblr since that is actually what made me slip, is what I’m saying
This blog runs on queue anyway and last time I took a hiatus for literal months nobody really seemed to notice but I, uh, thought I’d say something
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solarianvoidthearoace · 1 year ago
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„Ich war niemals anti-alles, ich war immer anti-ihr!“
“I was never anti-everything, I was always anti-you!” – KraftKlub “Schüsse in die Luft”
Some German punk(-adjacent) bands and songs:
The translations aren’t perfect but I tried picking the most accurate ones
ETA: I needed to re-do this whole post because that stupid website doesn’t mark WHICH translation I wanted to link, fucking stupid bullshit website
Schüsse in die Luft (KRAFTKLUB)
Schrei nach Liebe (Die Ärzte)
Ne Leiche (SDP)
Trigger warning: mentions of war and the song is about someone wanting to get rid of a corpse (play on “Leiche im Keller” = having dirt you’re hiding from society)
Lasse red‘n (Die Ärzte)
Tanz aus der Reihe (SDP)
Unter den Wolken (Toten Hosen)
An Tagen wie diesen (Fettes Brot)
This one deserves a massive trigger warning, it’s about war, catastrophes, hopelessness, numbness (also not to be confused with “Tage wie diese” by Revolverheld)
Im Ascheregen (Casper)
I haven’t listened to this many German songs in ages but I needed to verify the lyrics translations, so here ya go
@polyamorouspunk @safety-pin-punk
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solarianvoidthearoace · 9 months ago
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Someone put it into words!
I was literally walking with a social worker-in-training, and I make an effort to not be “the approachable girl next door” and YET
Like, literally standing next to a cuddly little dude who wants to become a social worker
And people ask the 5’10” autistic* with the RBF
Not my fault I have “approachable girl next door” energy, despite being not a girl and so socially awkward it’s a diagnosed personality disorder
I have green hair and I want to dress more punk/ alt/ emo, have some mercy
* I only mention my autism here because I feel like I’m “visibly autistic”, I’m standoffish and can’t hold a conversation unless my AuDHD brain is excited about it in some capacity; otherwise my AvPD and social anxiety are too much
forget Resting Bitch Face, I have Resting Competent Face. People see me and think ah yes she can point me to the nearest train station. Fellow grocery shoppers ask if I know what kind of butter they should buy. If a strange man speaks to me on the street it is literally always an inquiry and never a catcall. Once someone randomly asked me what an equinox was and after I told her she nodded and said "you seemed like you'd know." why am I assigned oracle at random interaction
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starkeyisthelastname · 6 months ago
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Okay buuut… not to be angsty about it but do pornstar!Rafe or reader ever have a moment where they’re just like “I can’t do this anymore” and they like try to not see each other but obviously that doesn’t work out… or probably last very long… I could see Rafe being emo about it and not being able to get it up for a scene and just walking off directly to your house all like “seriously what the fuck have you done to me!?”
okay so like I see this happening after their little talk, but Rafe is the one who says he can’t do it. 😭
Everything seemed good, the two of you even fucked again after smoking and talking briefly. The both of you left that the night with even stronger feelings which meant Rafe almost needed to step back for a minute. To you, it came out of nowhere and you felt rejected after reading the text he sent a few days after when you asked if he wanted to come over that night. ‘I need to focus on work rn. Agent told me I’m losing fans. Can’t do this anymore.”
It was clear Rafe was scared of something, and wasn’t going to tell you what it was. At least not right now anyway. As soon as you felt rejection, you became closed off. You didn’t even bother replying to his text, wiping the tears away over the fact you would probably be nothing more than a past fling to him. You wanted to hate yourself for falling for a guy, whose only focus was pussy and money.
For the first time when it came to a woman’s feelings, Rafe was feeling very guilty. He continued on with his week the best he could, trying to act like it didn’t bother him that he had called things off. After you left that night, he sat in his thoughts, thinking about if he really wanted to end his career for one girl he didn’t know much about. He knew the answer. He wanted you. Instead he came up with every excuse on why he should continue working, and before he could stop himself, he was sending you that message.
It was the next week when he showed up to set, pissed off at himself really, but taking it out on everyone else. You hadn’t texted him at all and he hadn’t tried to text back because a part of him felt like he had already fucked it up. He was affected by this more than he should be and for the first time, he didn’t want to film at all, not even try and fake it. As he stood trying to get himself hard, getting ready to shoot, he just couldn’t do it, which only pissed him off more. He knew he couldn’t continue his day like this without seeing you again.
You nearly cut yourself with the knife you had been using to chop vegetables when you heard the pounding on the door. You frowned, wiping your hands and quickly going to answer the door. You didn’t get two words in, before Rafe stormed in, wrapping a hand around your throat. “What the fuck are you doing to me? Huh?” He asked, blue eyes dark.
“R-Rafe what the fuck you doing?” You asked, gasping for breath. You hadn’t spoken to him since you left his house a week ago, and hadn’t ever responded to his dick of a text. You couldn’t deny that you had missed his touch, even if it had only been a week, it still felt longer than that. You craved this man, no matter how much you disliked him right now.
Within a second, he was turning you around so that his front was pressed directly against your back. “Can’t even fuckin work, because you and this perfect cunt are on my mind 24/7.” He spat in your ear. Your head spun as he continued to squeeze your throat, his other hand lifting up the little dress you had on. He chuckled to himself as he noticed your lack of panties, making it all the more easier to slam himself into you, after quickly undoing his pants. His dick was now harder than ever, stretching you open for the first time in over a week.
“R-Rafe!” You cried, only to get three thick digits shoved in your mouth.
Rafe was ashamed of himself for even considering turning you away, he didn’t even want to look at you right now, wondering why you had to be so goddamn perfect and why he had to feel this way about some girl he didn’t even know. “Shut up. Don’t wanna hear shit from you now. Just take this fuckin dick like a good whore.” His tone low, dripping like venom in your ear, while you gagged on his hand. He fucked you like he hated you, but the truth was he couldn’t get enough of you. He had found his new addiction.
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saeist · 7 months ago
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my personal touya headcanons (yes i will make full on fics n drabbles with these in mind):
CHRONIC manspreader. literally takes up a whole love couch with the way he spreads his legs
can drive but gets motion sick easily so counting on him for a 2+ hour roadtrip? yeah pull over we’re switching seats
damaged hair from the constant dyeing but that won’t stop this baddie from dyeing it jet black every 2 weeks
only runs on 4 separate hours of sleep and snores like a truck. (u’ll need earplugs)
surprisingly tidy in regards to his room only because rei comes and checks their rooms and if its all messy they’ll get their asses whooped
doesn’t smoke cigarettes BUT has a box of disposables/juuls hidden in his sock drawer (GOD FORBIDS rei finds his stash)
^ in addition to that, contrary to popular belief his plug is unironically natsuo..
loves icy berry related related flavors too LMFAO
is supposed to be a junior in college on paper but since he keeps dropping and switching majors, he’s technically still a freshman
^ is currently taking chemical engineering (took business ad, computer science, finance, nursing (💀) and literally god knows what. his college majors that he dropped is between him, endeavor and god now)
since he’s competitive as fuck and is a perfectionist, took up multiple sports and extra curriculars growing up
prefers soggy cereal
drinks a lot but lightweight as fuck. after one bottle he’s out 💡 but that won’t stop him from drinking more!
knows how to braid girls hair thanks to fuyumi
cats warm up to him on the street cus he’s warm n shit
prettiest resting face but makes the ugliest faces known to man just for the sake of it (still pulls)
doesn’t approach girls, girls approach him
scares them away when he’s all like 😐🧍🏻
hooded eyelids + long eyelshes (both top and bottom)
genuinely starts tweaking when people say he got endeavor’s eyes solely bc hes a momma’s boy..
grew up being SPOILED rotten amongst his siblings so he doesn’t take no for an answer and will actually start stomping his feet
once he opens his mouth however.. everyone is gonna know he’s endeavors son fr 😓
keigo is his closest irl friend but tomura is who he considers as his best friend even if they’re only internet friends
has a basic pc set up and plays valorant fortnite and roblox religiously
shits on children especially shoto and his two friends
once babysat the three of them in exchange for concert tickets
did i mention he has an indie rock emo band he formed when he was in high school? yeah
bassist obviously but sometimes he plays drums
will scare rei out of her wits when he would just magically appear on their couch when he’s supposed to be at his university
his room is in the attic
dresses like hes going to an opium concert but rei makes him change before they leave to go to church so ultimately he dresses up like a cottagecore mf but with piercings and box dye jet black hair
almost broke natsuo’s hand when he first got his nose piercing
embodies the trope of “best friends older brother”
has a soft spot for grandmas and will help them cross the road each time
picks up shoto from school with his beat up hand me down car. literally one slam on the break away from breaking (endeavor gave it to him as his 18th birthday present)
sometimes ends up driving shoto’s friends home too if shoto insists (more like demands)
will also intentionally go through a drive-thru and the kids in the backseat are expecting him to ask them what they want but touya just gets whatever the fuck he was craving, pays and leaves
“we got food at home!” - touya to a enraged shoto
also sometimes touya is shoto’s chaperone or the “parent” that goes to those parent teacher meetings when its time for get shotos report card and will deliberately say shoto has failing grades when shoto is part of the honor roll just to again, fuck with him
shamelessly flirts with the girls natsuo brings home just to fuck with him (he gets sucker punched later that night bc at the end of the day, natsuo is bigger than that man 😭)
when all the todosibs are fighting, nobody listens to him even if he’s the eldest. they all end up ganging up on him (fuyumi doesn’t stop shit, in fact she instigates further. she don’t play)
says he hates winter and likes summer more but whenever its summer time if he could he would live inside the freezer
hates the feeling of sweating 😮‍💨
sometimes goes on days without showering only popping a lil deodorant here and there so rei forces him to shower whenever he just so happened to pass by her
cooks decent meals but shoto hates it and intentionally makes gagging noises whenever he finds out touya was in charge of cooking that night
hates doing the dishes and fools shoto into doing it for him
when he goes on dates, he steals endeavors credit card and just pays for everything. will probably even take you to nobu just to do so
attempts to blame natsuo when endeavor caught on since his card decline at the supermarket but unfortunately touya cannot lie to save his own life even if he tried
OH! talks MAD game in bed but has never touched a woman in his life.. painfully a virgin. u have to teach this man PLEASEE 🙏
likes yeat and carti
basically teenager borderline adult core
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tryingtofindava · 8 months ago
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creeps with a goth gf
𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐬 𝐰 𝐚 𝐆𝐨𝐭𝐡! 𝐆𝐅*ೃ༄
lolz didn’t know what specific creeps u wanted so imma just choose who!! ^_^ ALSO THE READER IS A TRAD GOTH!!
(INCLUDES: Jeff the Killer, Ticci Toby, Jane the Killer, Nina the Killer, Kate the Chaser, Clockwork.)
: ̗̀➛Back to Source
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╰┈➤ 𝐉𝐞𝐟𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐊𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫
Has at least nearly roundhouse kicked you bcs he thought u were Jane on MULTIPLE OCCASIONS… (he’ll say he’s sorry in the most dull non apologetic way ever and probs doesn’t mean it.)
“My bad, I guess.”
He doesn’t care abt aesthetic that much I believe, as long as he finds you hot lolz.
Though when he’s out killing people and he sees something that catches his eye that he’d class ‘gothy as fuck’ he’d snatch it for you… so that’s sweet ig.
He deadass brought you a dead bat once…
╰┈➤ 𝐓𝐢𝐜𝐜𝐢 𝐓𝐨𝐛𝐲
HE LOVES U AND UR AESTHETIC SM
Midwest emo x trad goth, what a combo :3
His first words to you ever was that you looked like you crawled out a Tim Burton movie (he was tryna impress u with his film knowledge).
Type of guy to ask to make a shared Spotify playlist and try and learn all of the songs you like and force himself to learn the lyrics for you.
Bro will jump you just to get a hug, and when he finally pulls away you’ll just see the black imprints of your makeup on his white tee.
BEGS YOU TO GO THRIFTING TOGETHER TO FIND COOL THINGS TO WEAR FOR EACHOTHER!!
“T-this would luh-look so cool o-on you!!”
╰┈➤ 𝐉𝐚𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐊𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫
TWINNING!! :D
She’s a trad goth too lmao.
You two definitely share clothes, no matter what it may be. Corsets, dresses, boots, gloves. Anything in the closet really you two own together :)
ALSO she WILL help you doing your makeup, not because you need the help just because she likes to practice so she doesn’t get rusty. (She mostly wears her mask so she doesn’t rlly do a whole lotta makeup besides lashes and lipstick)
Like Toby will take you thrifting (without the breaking in part).
╰┈➤ 𝐍𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐊𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫
She thinks your so so so super duper awesome sauce.
She’s a scene girly, so she LOVES the fact that your twos aesthetics are so different and unique from eachother.
Also likes helping to do your makeup, because she just wants to be able to do trad makeup to impress you.
WILL ASLO TAKE YOU TO THE THRIFT SHOP. (these guys like thrift shops okay)
Would love if you guys swapped wardrobes for a day.
“BABE, PRETTY PLEASE??? JUST FOR TWO MINUTES!! I’LL GIVE ‘EM BACK!!”
And you’ve deffo caught her in your clothes MULTIPLE times :3
╰┈➤ 𝐊𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐫
She doesn’t care all that much what you’re aesthetic is lolz.
She just wants someone in her life to love and to love her back.
But she does compliment your look nervously when the convo gets a lil too quiet.
Though you to catch her staring at you lovingly while doing your makeup.
She may bring you back little things that caught her eye that reminds her of you, that being anything rlly. BUT ESPECIALLY CLOTHING.
╰┈➤ 𝐂𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤
She will compliment you every chance she gets. Mostly calling you hot and sexy.
SHE’S GOT THE HUMOUR OF A 12 YEAR OLD BOY WHO HASN’T HIT PUBERTY!! (And you love it and hate it at the exact same time.)
Like I mean she makes goth mommy jokes ALL THE TIME… there’s no stopping her. She cackles so hard afterwards after u scold her for it too.
“I love my big tiddy goth girlfriend<3”
“Nat, I swear to fuck-“
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solarianvoidthearoace · 1 year ago
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More like… “I tried being normal while a teenager and that shit didn’t work so now I’m having my emo phase in my mid-20s and I aspire to keep being unapologetically emo and/ or punk”
But yeah
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well i mean, not wrong // credits: @screamingemonight on Instagram
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Call me a lil emo kiddie or whatever but!
“Part time soulmate, full time problem” from Fall Out Boy’s “Hold Me Like a Grudge” has big aro energy
And also “So Much (For) Stardust” is a revelation, it might actually be the first album in years where I like the majority of the tracks on it (not that I wasn’t already listening to emo and alternative and pop punk and shit but this album reaffirms I have found my favourite genre of music)
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solarianvoidthearoace · 1 year ago
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🧷🧷🧷
So I got my paccidge (meaning: package :3) with 1.500 safety pins in 2 sizes (28mm & 32mm), I also have a handful of 38mm and 23mm safety pins from mixed boxes I bought previously
Aside from giving wings to one of my jackets (and possibly a hoodie), what do I do with those fuckers?
I already fixed a reflective tape (that was supposed to stick) to my shopping rucksack
Suggestions are very welcome
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b3ach-bunn7 · 5 months ago
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PLEASEEEE WRITE MORE FOR TOUYA 🙏🏼🙏🏼
Ur wish is my command 🛵
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LEATHER COATS AND PIZZA
Never a dull moment when you hang out with Dabi and the rest of your friends
No quirks au, pining, LOV as high schoolers
part 2
—————————————————————————
“Move up.”
You shuffle to the left as Dabi plops down next to you. You’re currently all shoved onto Shigarakis couch, half watching the movie on his Tv and half chattering about whatever. You’re squeezed between Dabi, whose eyes are looking at the TV but not really watching, and Toga, who’s flicking through a Teen Girl magazine, absentmindedly filling out the questionnaires on the back. Shigaraki is sprawled on a loveseat, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he plays some game on his switch. Twice is leaning on the arm of the chair next to him and giving very unnecessary tips that Shigaraki does not need. Spinner is lying down on the floor. You think he’s exhausted after his football training, but he’s usually sleeping any time you guys hang out, so you’re not too concerned.
You don’t really look like you fit in with this friendship group. They’re weird enough as is. Spinner has this weird obsession with amphibians and bright clothes. Shigraki always has gloves on because of his bad eczema and he’s always scowling, and Toga’s cute aesthetic completely opposes her love of all things gore and violence that she’ll tell to anyone who’ll listen. And Dabi, whose face was more metal than skin from all the piercings he has. That, and the mystery that surrounds the burn scars that litter his skin.
All in all, it was a pretty rag tag group. You were glaringly normal compared to them. No weird habits or affinities, but none of you cared. You can’t even remember how you joined their group but you know you don’t regret it. Some of their activities weren’t exactly your forte. You do walk away whenever they decide that spending money on stuff is too much effort, or when they’d rather stay in an abandoned parking lot half the night then get in bed for school. But despite all of that, you always meet them halfway. Shigaraki’s parents are never really home and so you always find yourselves lounging around his house every other day. You watch movies, order pizzas, finish your homework. Whatever you feel up for.
Today, your eyes are trying their hardest not to flit to your right. Dabi is so close to you right now. His thigh is pressed into yours and it’s so warm. You’ve learnt that that is always the case. You remember one night after a party he’d walked you home. Even through the layers of your coat and dress, your arm gripping his had heated you up against the cold autumn air.
You adjust your position and he glances at you, but he doesn’t move. If anything he gets closer, bringing his arm up behind the couch to rest behind your head.
“Guys, would you say I like my men edgy but fun, or preppy but unique?” Toga hums, biting the end of her pencil.
“Don’t care.” Shigaraki mumbles.
“Rude. I think edgy but fun.” You say.
Twice frowns, shaking his head. “No, don’t you remember that Deku guy you liked? He was definitely preppy but unique.”
“No, he was more like. I don’t know. A nice guy.” Spinner ponders from the floor.
“He was a pussy.”
“Dabi, don’t be mean, he was nice!” Toga whines.
Dabi just rolls his eyes and you giggle. You lean forward to read the page she’s on. Apparently, Toga is about to find the ‘guys she’s totally in tune with’. You point to one of the teenage boys imprinted on the page, all fake smiles and box dye hair.
“He looks like he could be totally in tune with you.” You wiggle your eyebrows.
Dabi leans forward over you to get a better look. You can smell that woodsy and smokey smell that always follows him.
“He’s too emo.”
“You’re one to talk.” Toga mutters, and Dabi smacks the back of her head.
Toga sighs and abandons the page and keeps flicking through the magazine. You yawn. It’s only seven pm but you’re tired. You’d stayed up all last night with Dabi on the phone. It was sort of a tradition the two of you had. You’d watch a movie together, the two of you counting down to sync up your Netflix on whatever movie you were watching. Somehow, you’d stayed up talking all last night. It wasn’t unusual for that to happen but after a long day at school it’s all adding up. You lean your head against the back of the couch on Dabi’s arm.
“The movie not catching your fancy?” He asks.
You smile slightly. It’s something stupid and full of violence, the kind of stuff both of you hate. “No. It’s awful.”
“Of course it is, Shiggy picked it.” Dabi rolls his eyes.
You go to grab the remote and Dabi does too. Your fingers touch, only for a second, but the heat blooms in your hands. You both apologise, clumsily, but Dabi picks it up regardless and starts flipping through channels.
“Hey, they have a truth or dare page! Let’s play!”
It’s a testament to how bored you all are that that catches your attention. Toga slides down on the floor and spinner and twice join her. Shigraki looks unbothered but he still turns his switch off and sits up. You and Dabi stay on the couch. Funnily enough, despite the extra room, the two of you don’t move, legs still pressed up against each other.
“Truth or dare? A bit childish, no?” You whisper quietly enough that nobody but Dabi can hear you.
“What, you scared?”
“Shut up. I’m scared of nothing.” You flex your arms and Dabi smirks.
“It’s been ages since I’ve played. Isn’t there meant to be a forfeit if you don’t do the truth or dare?”
Dabi nods. “Yeah, usually.”
“What’s ours?”
“You have to kiss me.”
You turn your head away so he doesn’t seen the flush on your cheeks. Flirting is nothing you’re not used to with Dabi. Any woman he speaks to is unfortunately a victim of it. Despite his whole punk ‘don’t talk to me’ look, Dabi is undeniably attractive. There’s something so obvious about it. Like if you look at him for just a second more than you’d think to, it would all jump at you; his soft hair, the bright blue eyes, and that boyish grin. So you’re not really fussed by all his flirting. You’ve been there, done that. It’s Dabi at the end of the day. Nothing means anything with him.
“You wish.” You push him away as he pouts his lips at you.
Toga claps her hands. “Okay! Who’s going first?”
“Me!” Twice springs up from his seat, excited. “I pick dare.”
“Daring choice! Okay, so. Go onto instagram and like every highlight of the first person that you see.”
Twice was not happy about that, considering the girl that popped up on his page was apparently ‘someone he was interested in’. But his mood lights up quickly once Toga passes him the magazine so he can ask a question.
And you carry on like that, getting through the group. Shigaraki reluctantly plays a ‘Kiss, marry, kill’ with some of the less attractive teachers at UA, Spinner eats a spoonful of sriracha.
“Dabi. Your, fuck, it’s your turn.” Spinner fans his face while Toga giggles at him.
“Truth.”
Dabi waves off the boos from the rest of your group. Spinner hushes them and reads the first truth on the page. “If you had to marry one person in this room, who would it be?”
“Y/N.”
He doesn’t hesitate in the slightest. Your name slips off his tongue like he didn’t even mean it to. His face looks surprised for a split second before he glances around the room.
“Uh, okay. Your turn to ask a question.” Spinner hands him the magazine.
You’re still slightly dumbfounded. So is Toga, because she is narrowing her eyes at Dabi very suspiciously. He notices her out of the corner of his eye and raises a brow.
“What?”
She says your name questioningly. You look down at your lap because the loose thread on your jeans is suddenly very interesting.
“Do I need to explain myself or something?”
Toga sighs, propping her knees up and leaning her head on them. “No, you’re okay. It’s your turn.” She leans her head up and it thumps against your leg. You run your fingers through her bangs and she smiles.
“Truth or dare?”
“Hm. Dare.”
Dabi grins. “Daring choice.” Toga sticks her tongue out at the horrible impression of her voice. “Wait, which one do I pick?” His eyes flit over the page of options.
“Uh, we’ve just been going down the list. I think we’re on number four?” Twice says.
Dabi nods. He opens his mouth to speak, but then he stops. Clears his throat, and tries again.
“Kiss the most attractive person in the room.”
You groan as the others start cheering.
“Finally, this is getting interesting.” Shigaraki laughs.
“Don’t get too excited, she’s not kissing you, Shiggy.” Dabi scoffs.
“Fuck off.”
You huff. “Why do I get the creepy one?”
“Hey, I’d gladly kiss someone than eat what I had to.” Spinner grumbles, still nursing a bottle of water.
“Okay. Okay I’ll do it.”
They’re all looking at you expectantly. You know who it’s going to be. Of course it’s going to be Dabi. You’re sure they all know it too, because the others are just looking at the two of you on the couch, giving no other signs of being ready for a kiss. You swallow once. Turn to your side and he’s already looking at you so intensely. The corner of his mouth lifts up slightly.
“Let’s get this over with.”
“Aw, don’t act like you don’t love this, baby.”
You decide that instead of telling him to shut up you’ll do it instead. You grab the scratchy materia of his stupid band tee he always insists on wearing. It almost hurts when your mouths meet, and his hand immediately cups your cheek, warm palm almost covering your whole face. You’re sure the kiss isn’t meant to last this long, but you feel his teeth bite your bottom lip and you have to push away before you start moaning in front of your friends.
You break apart, breathless. Dabi’s lips are red and look freshly kissed and you guess you must look the same. You feel your face heat and you turn to look at the others who are all looking with different degrees of shock and smugness (the last one being Toga).
“Right.” You grab the magazine from his hands. “It’s Toga’s turn?”
The rest of the night goes by quite quickly. You all soon grow bored of truth or dare, which doesn’t get any more exciting after your kiss. Which you can’t seem to stop thinking about. You and Dabi immediately fall back into normalcy but something niggles in the back of your mind. It was just a kiss, but. Does Dabi kiss everyone like that? It must explain why he gets around so much. If a man kissed you like that you can only imagine how he can do everything else to you.
But you try to ignore that. Focus on the fact you’re braiding Toga’s hair or maybe listen to the story Twice is telling you about someone at his work. Someone orders a pizza and you bug Dabi until he passes you a slice. He gets the cheesiest one in the box, like he knows you love, and you grin your thanks.
The night ends swiftly after that. You all help Shigaraki clean because that’s the only condition he sets if you all use his house as a hangout spot. Toga catches a lift with Twice and Spinner leaves on his bike. Which just leaves you and Dabi. You stand on Shigaraki’s driveway, your foot kicking a rock on the floor.
“You walked here?” Dabi asks, shrugging his coat on.
“Yeah. Regretting it now.”
“I’ll walk you.”
“Thanks.”
He just makes a noise, gesturing for you to start walking. The night air is cool. You wish you’d worn something warmer. You can’t complain though. You love autumn. The leaves crunch beneath your feet, streetlights illuminating the path. The sun is just about set, and the sky is orange, pink, purple.
It's moments like these that you’ll know you’ll remember forever. It’s weird. You remember random things like an old lady you saw on the bus home one day, the slice of red velvet cake you’d bought at some random cafe. Little, irrelevant things that you can’t help but store. But moments like these, where the setting sun catches on Dabi’s skin, and your hands brush close to each other that they almost touch, you don’t think you could ever forget.
“You going to Hawks’s party next week?” He asks suddenly.
“Uh. I guess so.” You say.
Dabi quirks a brow. “Don’t sound too excited.”
“It’s not that, it’s just.” A breeze blows over and you rub your arms. Curse short-sleeved shirts. “His parties get too crazy for me. But I haven’t seen him in ages so I’ll probably go. I miss him.”
“Mhm.” He says, suddenly standoffish.
“Are you going?”
“I guess. I just miss Hawks ever so much.” He raises his voice so it’s all high pitched. You glare at him.
“I do not sound like that, you weirdo. And I do miss him. He’s so busy now that he started playing on the school team.” You shiver slightly.
Suddenly, you feel something warm envelop you. Dabi places his jacket across your shoulders. The warm leather immediately warms you.
“Aw. You’re such a cutie.” You grin, slipping your arms into the sleeves.
“Fuck off. I’ll take it back.”
“You wouldn’t.”
He doesn’t respond to that so you know you’re right. The sleeves fall over your hands and you flap them in the air. You always forget how much bigger Dabi is than you. Even now, he’s almost two heads taller, even with his horrible posture.
“You look stupid with that on.” He says.
“I’m warm, though. Sacrifices have to be made.”
Soon enough you reach your door. He watches as you fumble for your house key before brandishing them out your bag. You go to take the jacket off and he waves you away.
“S’fine, just give it to me tomorrow.”
“If you’re sure. It’s kinda cold out.”
“I’ll be alright.”
You both stand there then. Just looking at each other. Part of you thinks that maybe you should bring up the kiss. Is it worth bringing up? Did it even mean anything? You decide against it, only because that soft look on his face is so rare that you don’t want to do anything to ruin it.
“Thanks for walking me home, Dabi.”
“Touya.”
You tilt your head slightly. “Who?”
He smiles slightly. “It’s my name.”
Oh.
“Oh.”
“You can- You don’t have to call me Dabi. You can- if you want. I don’t really care.”
You think he does care. Very evident by his stammering, something you don’t think you’ve ever seen him do. It’s cute. You don’t look into why he’s given you this privilege. You’ve heard Shigaraki and maybe Toga call him Touya before, but some part of you always knew it was a line you shouldn’t cross. Not anymore, though.
“No, I want to. Touya.”
He breathes heavily. He’s looking at you the way he was before he kissed you on that couch. Your eyes dart to his lips, and you know he saw, because he does the exact same.
“I- I should go. Goodnight, Touya.”
He nods. “Night.”
You lock the door behind you, hang up your keys. You’re not ready to ruin your friendship because of a look. A truth or dare kiss that probably means nothing.
The leather of his coat feels sticky on your skin as you walk yourself to bed.
—————————————————————————-
God I’m such a sucker for dabi in everyday normal setting…… teenager Dabi…..
Part two is posted !
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solarianvoidthearoace · 1 year ago
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Then again, I meeeeaaaan, a few of us Gen Z folks (like, 21+ y/o Gen Z) couldn’t be more happy that MCR and FOB are back at it
We aren’t all Swifties
Some of us hype the good shit and are bouncing around our student dorms because of the Emo Revival™️
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im literally going to kill myself
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voxslays · 25 days ago
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THE SPINDLE
Featuring >>> Lucifer x Reader; In which, an attempt to kill baby Charlie goes south. Resulting in a soporific curse placed upon the reader, who struggles to deal with the aftermath of its affects.
A/N: It doesn’t happen this chapter, but y’all know it’s coming next chapter. Sorry this chapter is so short- I’ll release the next chapter tomorrow to make up for it.
Part Two Part Four
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After being told you may never recover and there was no cure, Lucifer and you were distraught. However, years passed without anything happening—sure, you were still tired all the time—but you made it through, and for a while it seemed like you were getting better, like the curse was through some miracle disappearing. As the years passed and you showed no signs of entering an eternal sleep, Lucifer began to hope that the curse had somehow faded or been broken. He watched you closely, waiting for any sign that the tiredness would win, but you remained stubbornly awake. He started to believe that maybe, just maybe…the doctors were somehow wrong.
Yet, despite all the doubt, suffering, and mild depression—you managed to hide the symptoms of your curse from your family. What they didn’t know, couldn’t hurt them…right? Lucifer’s loving gaze follows your every movement, studying you intently - something you've noticed and tried to hide from. The subtle darkness under your eyes, the slight delay before you respond to questions, the forced enthusiasm in your voice when you help Charlie with her homework.
Speaking of Charlie, with the help of Lucifer, you had raised your daughter into a beautiful young teenager. She was now sixteen years old…and in her goth faze…which both you and Lucifer had tried to talk her out of, when she angrily yelled ‘It’s not a faze!’ and you both left her alone. However, it seemed like she was growing out of that emo phase. She wasn’t even wearing black this morning! And today was a very special morning—it was Charlie’s sixteenth birthday!
Outside, your Imp servants were setting up a giant outdoor pool party for Charlie and all her friends while you and Lucifer sit inside and eat breakfast. As you sit at the table, Charlie bursts into the room, still in her pajamas. She rushes over to hug you tightly, nearly knocking you out of your chair. "It’s my birthday, Mom!" She exclaims, her face flushed with excitement. “I know my sweet apple.” You coo as she sits down next to you. “Are you excited for tonight?”
“Yes!” Charlie squeals as Lucifer chuckles warmly, watching your mother-daughter interaction. He reaches across the table to squeeze your hand. "Don't wear yourself out today, sweetness. You've been doing too much lately." He gives you a knowing look, concern evident in his eyes. “Luce, you know I’ve been feeling better lately.” You smoothly lie through your teeth. He narrows his eyes slightly, clearly not fully convinced. "Have you?" His voice is gentle but probing, knowing all too well how well you can hide your symptoms.
“I have.”
Sighing softly, Lucifer lets it go for now. He knows pushing the matter will only lead to an argument, and he doesn't want to ruin Charlie's special day. Instead, he turns his attention to your daughter, who is already bouncing in her seat with excitement. “Alright, alright, calm down.” He says as he watches Charlie bounce up and down. “Charlie go get ready for the party!" Lucifer laughs as he stands up and ruffles Charlie's hair. "I'll go make sure everything is set up out by the pool." He kisses your forehead before heading out. “Lets go, shall we my little apple?” You slowly rise from your chair as Charlie practically jumps out of her chair and follows you to her room.
As the afternoon wears on, you find yourself growing more and more exhausted. You try to hide it, putting on a brave face for Charlie's sake, but it's getting harder. Finally, as you're helping Charlie fix her hair, you can barely keep your eyes open. “Hey mom, can you go get me my dress?” Charlie asks, unaware you can barely keep your eyes open. “Of course, sweetheart.” You quickly leave the room, praying that nobody notices your exhaustion.
You walk down the large red-carpeted hallways, with regal golden design, hoping to find a room to hide in until you’re feeling better. Unfortunately, your devilish lover walks down the hallway at the same time as you. Seeing you stumble slightly in the hallway, Lucifer's concern turns to worry. He quickly makes his way inside, finding you leaning against the wall for support. "Sweetheart, are you okay?" He asks softly, his hand reaching out to steady you. "You don't look so good."
“Just tired.” You yawn, holding your hand over your mouth as if to contain your exhaustion. Lucifer’s eyes scan your face, noticing the dark circles and pale skin. He knows you're pushing yourself too hard, and it's taking a toll. "Tired? You look exhausted. Maybe you should rest for a bit before the party starts." You sigh, not even trying to fight your prideful husband—who was not so prideful at the moment, his golden eyes showing fear and concern. “Alright.” You take his hand as he leads you deeper down the hallway.
Once you reach your bedroom door, Lucifer picks you up bridal style and carries you like a princess to the giant king-sized bed. He helps you kick off your uncomfortable shoes and tosses them aside. Gently, he makes sure you're comfortable on the bed before pulling the covers over you. "Get some sleep, okay? I'll take care of everything else." And for a moment you close your eyes and rest.
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kindaasrikal · 6 months ago
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Resurrected Morro head canons because I’m supremely bored+the ninja:
Morro cusses everyone out every two seconds. There is no ‘soft side’ this mf is a sword that never loses its edge.
Because of Wu and only Wu, Morro is a sarcastic little loser. He will not hold back on insulting someone either.
He’s actually surprisingly quiet most of the time, like even his footsteps are near silent. The ninja have gotten jump-scared by him more than they ever did when he was dead.
He cannot handle any sort of affection, care, or love given to him. Like he can very rarely do it himself with no sweat, he’s complimented Nya’s skill or Cole’s strength hundreds of times, but if anyone like Kai or Wu (two individuals known to train daily and know all that bull inside out) were to compliment him he’s suddenly a tomato. He’ll start looking away from you, acting all nonchalant but everyone can hear the way his voice goes higher each second another compliment is thrown at him.
Morro likes floating in the air, even if it’s just casually hovering or just sitting in the air he likes doing it. One time, Pixal dragged in a pile of vengestone to use for a project or something and this mf fell HARD on to the ground. As much as Pixal felt guilty, she would do it again since it helped her realise Morro was hiding some broken ribs.
Morro walks into doors, or walls, blinks, and walks away like nothing happened. (he’s trying to ignore Jay’s laughter)
After Morro and Wu reconciled and Lloyd and Morro began getting along he heard the two talking about how it would be cool if Morro could look more like Wu, just so people would stop calling Morro his ‘adopted’ son (thats his baby, nothing else) and so Lloyd doesn’t have to say Morro is just in his emo phase. As much as the convo was a joke, Morro took it seriously and the next day both Wu and Lloyd almost burst into either tears or shocked laughter when they saw the green streak was replaced by a blonde.
Morro actually isn’t emo, or goth, or punk. He’s all three at once and yet none at the same time. (Don’t be surprised when you see him wearing spiked bracelets and a pink shirt from Zane). To put it basically he has no fashion sense he just throws things together as long as it’s baggy and easy to deal with.
Edit: forgot to add, he’s old. This guy dresses like Wu and enjoys traditional clothing more than anything. He only wears anything different when going to the city and it’s still rlly baggy and basic. He somehow still rocks it.
Morro does not buy his own clothes, he just steals everyone else’s (Lloyd convinced him to do it with him.)
Even after Morro and Kai dealt with their issue they act like a toxic asian couple who are on the verge of divorce.
Cole likes to pick up the small members of the group, like Jay or Lloyd. Morro has become a victim and he bites.
He really likes reading. And history. After Lloyd introduced Misako to him they both got along so well they began sharing stories of Wu, Lloyd and Garmadon. All three are horrified at what those two know.
When Morro is floating in like a standing position, Nya likes falling out of the air or smth (she lowkey just appears) and falls on to his shoulder and stays there. Morro has learnt to accept his position as a chair.
Morro actually knows how to cook but doesn’t enjoy doing it, so Zane just kinda stares at him and pulls out something he knows Morro would want and suddenly you have two chefs with frilly pink aprons on. One is scowling as he beats the eggs and the other is smiling like he has no worries with sparkles and everything.
Morro has convinced the ninja one by one to join him in making a tornado out of each of their elements. Wu is not amused.
A lot of people headcanon Morro to not be able to do spinjitzu, so I say the reason behind that is because mini Morro was forbidden to do so by young Wu to use spinjitzu after he kept making tornados and the such and destroying part of the monastery. Morro unintentionally kept following it until one day he was asked by Lloyd why he never use it. Slowly but surely he came to the realisation it was Wu’s fault and pointed at him going like “IT WAS YOU!” And this old man was snorted into his tea. He forgot he forbade him.
When Morro gets resurrected he uses some sketchy magic book to summon Garmadon cause he was bored and wanted to someone to mess with (he missed his annoying uncle) (he called Lloyd in two second later and recorded him bursting into tears, both of them) (he froze and sweat dropped when he heard four armed Garmadon say something about his soul hurting last night.)
He’s like a hermit and a hobo combined.
As much as Morro can read, he can’t write, and as much as Lloyd can write, he can’t read. They join forces in deciphering scrolls.
Morro and Lloyd get along like burning trash. They happily cuss each other out and bully each other on a daily, they even call back to past traumas. Yet five seconds later Lloyd flops down onto a tired Morro and says “Hey do you wanna get ice cream with me? I found this place that i think would rlly suit your taste” and even after the both argue the whole time they take getting there the Lloyd actually was hoping Morro would like it because they had old man flavours. And even after Morro acts like he couldn’t care less and that Lloyd acts like a lil baby, he buys them both ice cream.
Okok im done i might do this for the other ninja i miss them ajgdjshs
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romana-after-dark · 3 months ago
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Our Gentle Sins: Part 5
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Dark!Logan Howlett x fem!reader
My god this header is ass but I was an emo kid what can I say
Series Masterlist : Main Masterlist : Logan Masterlist
Spotify Playlist
Follow @romana-updates and click follow, join my tumblr community or ask to join the tag list to keep up!
Buy Me A Coffee : Kofi : Go Fund Me
Chapter summary: Past. You get sick Present. You can't help fall into him.
Warnings: This fic features non con, pregnancy, and themes of religous trauma. I will not be saying everything that happens to warm you, by clicking read more you are prepared for extremely dark themes and that you at 18+. You are responsible for your own media consumption.
2.6 words
a/n: Mean girls reference for mean girls day1!!
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Before
This was terrible. Absolutely awful. You were feverish, dizzy, nauseous, diarrhea… all of it. You knew you should say you can’t work… you were barely functioning, you didn’t want to get your kids sick, but your anxiety simply didn’t allow it. When Charles greeted you this morning, you felt awful and considered asking if maybe it was possible for you to potentially go to your room early today…
And yet, when he greeted you and asked how you were, you lied and said a cheery, ‘wonderful!’.
For the last few weeks, you and Logan had lunch together almost every day. You started making extra for him and bringing him a fork, just in case he comes. This last week, however, he hasn’t shown. You didn’t blame him. What a man doesn’t want after kissing a woman is for her to freak out, lock herself in a changing room for 20 minutes and cry, then proceed to not speak as he drives her home. Not your best moment, if you were honest.
But it had taken you by surprise, and with a myriad of guilt swirling in your head, you’d worked yourself into a panic attack. It was happening so fast, so fucking fast and you weren’t ready. 
Logan was… you wanted him, you wanted him so fucking. The strong muscles busting out of his wife beater, the way his jeans hung low on his hips, the way that if you asked him to reach for something for you, you could see a trail of hair leading to something making you blush. Sinful thoughts swirled your head, always making your fingers trail over the cotton panties on under your night dress… but you couldn’t fathom him actually wanting you until that moment. When your lay in bed, pj’s looking like something out of little house on the prairie rather than the lingerie you were sure a man like Logan was used to. He was probably drowning in pussy, women who were far prettier and sexier than you.
Women who didn’t come with baggage
Women who didn’t do the things you had done.
It was no wonder he was avoiding you. He could slide himself into one of the many beautiful, mentally stable women here. He’d probably gone and done that as soon as you’d gotten home, realize you weren’t worth the- Oh fuck.
Rushing to the bathroom, you throw up, making it quick before cleaning up and getting it to gether for class. You could make it through the day. It would be fine.
It was not.
Most of your classes you just gave them reading time, or to work on other school work which they were grateful for. Occasionally, someone would come up and ask a question as you did your best to avoid breathing on them; if someone got sick because of you, you’d never forgive yourself, but your fear of rejection made it difficult to express your feelings. For all the talk about women being the emotional ones, somehow you were never allowed to express them. Even as a child, you were hit for crying, until you learned that voicing a need was disrespectful. You wouldn’t disrespect mr. xavier like that.
As your students filed out before lunch, you had grand plans of napping on your desk during lunch before you straight up passed out. Those plans proved silly when Logan walked into your room, looking like a kicked puppy.
“Logan, I’m sorry-” You were about to apolgize for the panic attack, but he started talking first.
“I know you probably hate me-” 
You both stop and blink. 
“No, I’m sorry. You took me out trying to do something nice-”
“No, no,” He interrupted. Logan stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I… shouldn't have done that, the kiss, I mean.”
Your face feels warm at the mention, but that honestly didn’t mean much. You’ve been warm all day. Still, you didn’t want Logan to think you were some crazy homeschooled jungle freak. All you wanted was to just be normal.
You try to stand. “That’s s-sweet of you…” That attempt didn’t get far, feeling dizzy as the room swirls around you. Vaguely, you can hear Logan call your name in a question, but it’s hard to hear over the muffled sound in your ears. For a moment, you’re falling, then rising again. Logan had you in his arms, and you cling to his plain white shirt as you come back to it. He’s already carrying you out of the room.
*
Logan is aware of the attention on them. Prying eyes of teachers and whispers from students, gossiping about the pretty little teacher in the arms of the local asshole. No one would get it. No one understood what he felt for you, not when he barely understood it himself. He came to apologize, to ask for things to go back to normal as if he could ever be normal about you, but the distance was killing him. He needed those lunch dates. He needed watching movies with you in the lounge tucked away on the other side of the couch like you were nervous. His gentle baby doll, needing him to guide her. He couldn’t live like he was now, not after tasting you.
Then he saw you there, looking flushed and unwell, and thank god he moved closer to you because you passed out into his arms. 
“Logan, what the hell did you-” Scott tried to talk to him, but Logan brushes passed with you in his arms.
“She’s sick. Can you figure out someone to take over the class?”
But Scott was insufferable, putting his hand on Logan’s arm to stop him. “I’m gonna need you to tell me what’s going on.”
“What the fuck does it look like?” Logan snapped, turning around quickly. He regretted it when your little hand tugged on his shirt, groaning. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m gonna get you to bed.” He looked over at Scott with a glare. “As soon as Mr. White knight lets me go.”
If Scott could take off his glasses, Logan was sure he’d see his eyes roll. “Just- fuck, why is she unconcious?”
“Because I drugged her.” Logan deadpans and waits for Scott to open his mouth. “No, dumbass she’s sick. She’s fucking burning up.”
To his horror, Scott reached for you, and on instinct Logan pulled away. When Scott glared at him, Logan aquiessed.
“Jesus… that’s not good…”
“Yeah, it’s not, so if you don’t mind, I’m going to take her to bed so she can rest.”
Logan felt Scotts eyes on his as he walked towards your room.
“Make good choices, Logan…”
*
Logan didn’t leave your side the rest of the day except to get you water. He called Remy to get your medicine, and the man showed up in a jiffy trying to fuss over you, but Logan practically kicked him out, saying you needed to rest. Truth was, Logan didn’t want anyone else touching you. You didn’t need anyone else, you only needed him. He was gonna take care of you. Logan kept a respectful distance as you sweated your fever out, sitting on the chair in the room and watching Tv after you deliriously requested bobs burgers. This was the last thing he expected you to watch.
He never touched you anywhere unnecessary, and when you asked for his help getting to the bathroom, he closed the door behind him to give you privacy. When he heard you washing your hands, Logan panicked a bit at the idea of you standing without his help in this state, and entered the bathroom to walk you back to your bed.
“I’ll be okay, Logan. I can walk by myself now. I'm not a doll.”
“Yeah, you are. My dolly.” He resisted the urge to kiss the top of your head as he tucked you into bed again.
“Lo?” You mumble, some song playing on the show in the background.
“Yeah, baby doll?” 
“Can you lay with me?”
He shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t. It was a step in the wrong direction, crossing boundaries that were blurring every day… but he could never say no to you. Not ever.
Which is why when Charles came in to check on you, and he found you asleep on Logan’s stomach, he knew he was in trouble.
“Staying away from her, are me?”
“Listen, Chuck I know it looks bad but she’s-”
Charles voice remained cool, but Logan knew he was in trouble. “Sick, yes, I’ve heard. Cyclops has informed me she fell sick. I’m glad you are taking care of her, by surely Gambit could have handled it.”
“Remy don’t know what the fuck she needs.” Logan snapped, sounding overly defensive. Yeah, logically Remy probably could’ve handled it, but he doesn’t know you like he does. Logan was the only person who could give you what you need.
“I believe Gambit is her friend. He would take care of her.”
“Cut to the chase, wheel. Am I in trouble?”
There was a pause of silence, Charles glancing to the TV, then back to Logan. “I told you before, I won’t tell you what to do. But has she told you about her past.?”
Logan swallowed, a bit of anger bubbling up in his at the little knowledge you gave him. “Some. She was homeschool, weird church stuff. Teen marriage.”
He nodded. “Her husband beat her, quite severely. Frankly, I can’t believe she survived it all. Parents, courts, police, medical, at every corner of her life this child was failed by the system, and she is a child, Logan.”
“She’s twenty thr-”
“And you still have 150 years on her, give or take. And considering how she was raised and the lock and key her husband kept on her, mentally she’s younger. I took a chance on her because she needed it. She has a good heart and is skilled at what she does even if she doesn’t know how to divide or what a mitochondria is. Just as I’ve taken in everyone here who is lost, a stray, abandoned by the ones who claimed to love them and cast aside by the world. There are many beautiful women here, Logan. You are a handsome man. You do not need to go after the girl about to fall apart.
But he didn’t understand. Charles could never understand. He didn’t get that Logan didn’t want the other women here, he didn’t want anyone but you. You were meant for him, and he was meant for you.
After
It was getting harder and harder to pretend that you weren’t pregnant. Harder to act like you were fine and getting through the day.
Harder to avoid Logan without making it obvious you were avoiding him, when all the students and teachers were well aware you and him used to eat lunch together and spend most of your free time with him or Remy.
Harder to ignore when you were vomiting in the morning. It was bad, it was so bad and you didn’t want to think about the future, but this was forcing you to content with the fact life was inside you. You didn’t want this baby… not like this, anyway. You had dreamed of this life, even dreamed of it with Logan. A baby in your, happy little job at the school, Logan by your side… You didn’t understand why he did what he did to you, what you did wrong. Why he had to disappoint you like everyone had. 
When the door to your bathroom opened, you didn’t have to look up. Soon, large hands were wrapped around your hair as you threw up, and you didn’t have it in you to tell him to go away. He wouldn’t listen anyway, he never did.
Logan could smell when you were throwing up, always lurking nearby and with his heightened smell, he was always on you. So, this had become the routine. He was allowed near you for this. Logan would hold your hair, rub your back and whisper gentle words while you got it out and for a moment you’d pretend, pretend he hadn’t violated you, that you weren’t scared of him. Pretend like you were a cute little married couple awaiting a little bundle of joy and attending church and he was the love you thought he could be, protecting you and caring for you. When it was over, Logan helps you brush your teeth and wash your mouth.
As you stare in the mirror, you don’t recognize yourself. You looked tired. Thinner. A mess as Logan stood behind you brushing your teeth. That’s when the bubble began to crack and you remembered that you let your rapist touch you again. That you were just as weak and pathetic as you had alway been. That you were trapped, always trapped, doomed by your body and your womb and your heart that was always bleeding for some sad soul and now you were beginning to rely on Logan again.
He wiped your mouth with his sleeve, rugged flannel gentle on your lips. Sweet as he ever was.
“I have to go, for a bit.” When you looked at him through the mirror, he clarified. “Maybe a month. Maybe less…”
You blink. “No.”
He blinks right back. “What do you mean, no?”
“I mean, you don’t get to do this. You don’t get to do what you did and then just leave me alone!”
“I’m not.” Logan turned you towards him, and you hated that you just wanted him to hug you. “I’m coming back. It’ll give you some space, and when I get back we can talk, and… we can figure things out… and we can get you to a doctor, dolly.”
The idea of going to a doctor again, especially another OB/GYN, was scary… the idea that soon, you wouldn’t be able to hide what was happening was even scarier. But the idea of doing this alone, without Logan?
“No.” Your eyes fill with tears, already partially wet from the puke. “I need you now! You don’t get to just break me and walk away!”
There's silence for a beat, but then he sighs. You can see a softening of his features, maybe a little smile. He was happy you were depending on him. You knew you were falling down the wrong path, but it was so hard not to. You parents said this was who you were meant to be, that it was biological, Gods plan for men and women… were they right all along? “There’s a girl, western Washington area, pretty rural. Mutant. Her family is…. They think she’s possessed. Performing exorcisms on her. She’s not gonna live… Kurt and I are gonna help her, hopefully bring her back. She needs help, dolly. No one helped you, but we’re gonna help her.”
Logan knew that would get you. A girl in a strict religious family being abused? Yeah, it was a chapter out of your book. Most of the chapters, honestly.
You sat back against the counter, pajama dress still on. You close your eyes. “What if I end the pregnancy? You just gonna do it again?”
Slowly, he raises a hand to your face, and despite his efforts to be careful you still flinch. “What happened will never, ever happen again, Dolly. I could never really hurt you, don’t you understand that? You won’t get an abortion. I know it. But we’re gonna figure this out. You, me, our child.” A hand on your stomach. “A family.”
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Thank you all so much for your love!!!! Dont forget to check out the spotify, and telling me more songs!!!!
A few questions about remy last chapter
Let me know your thoughts on the story below!!!
Comments mean the world! It's what keeps me writing. I dont need reblogs (although they are helpful to spread my work!) but interactive comments are s special. theorizing or noticing little things makes me melt.
@multiversed-daydreamer @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @del-ightfulling @miraclesabound @hindi-si-ikay @samsamsantos @madamerubrum @shybluebirdninja a @hornystan @rogueinmymind @accountforreading123 @yawnetu @princessanglophile @and-claudia @new-genesis1000 @teaganthemorningstar @oldloganslittleslut @zaggprincess2
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gothicchildofthenight · 3 months ago
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Dead-Bird
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FEM DNI‼️ (She/her, She/they, etc.) - you’ll be blocked.
request: “hihi ! can you write rodrick x ftm reader thats just like , treated as one of the guys in rodricks friend group and has a sense of belonging , then heather outs the reader or something n rodrick stands up for them (???) im not sure where im going with this request u can interpret it however u want”
summary: moving to plainview for a fresh start while you’re transitioning. you meet rodrick heffley, resident emo, and become inseparable. what happens when heather hills gets jealous thats he’s turned all his attention on you?
descriptions: ftm!reader, intended for a black reader but can be read by any race, rodrick might be ooc (??), i made heather really mean (and homophobic 😭) but in reality i have no hate to her HER ACTRESS IS GORGINA, slur drop (f word), maybe the reader a girly kid sorry if that upsets anyone, cursing, throwing up (only happens once and i don’t think it’s detailed), let me know if i missed anything!!
a/n: yall, i know i said friday, but circumstances change (especially when baby siblings are sick asf) so i’m sorry. you’re allowed to yell at me in the comments!! BUT ITS FINALLY HERE‼️ pls let me know if you like it, and if you think i should change anything. i can always improve!!
word count: 8.29k (i got carried away 😭)
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For as long as you can remember, you knew you didn’t feel right with who you were. You wore the dresses, the skirts, joined the girls line when you were split off and you were ok with it, but it never felt right. You wanted to get your hands dirty, skin your knee, and you could do all of that with the girls, but you wanted to do it with the boys.
Your parents seemed to acknowledge this and your family just labeled you a tomboy. It wasn’t until your last year of middle school that you realized who you were, what you were. You were a boy, you were trans.
After going back and forth with yourself, you go to your parents with tears streaming down your face. With the way you and your parents were raised, it didn’t seem like they were going to be accepting.
“Are you done blubbering?” Your mom had asked you, which made you cry even more because you didn’t know if that could be good or bad. “We knew this could be a possibility with you just wanting to be with little boys.”
“Just because your grandparents have a skewed perspective on gender doesn’t mean we do.” Your dad joined in with a hand on your shoulder.
And with that started your transition journey. First with therapy, then doctor visits, and finally testosterone. When you started taking testosterone (end of sophomore year), you and your parents moved to give you a fresh start. With their careers, they could work anywhere as long as they could travel.
Plainview was just that, plain, but it got the job done so you can lay low. You couldn’t even point it out on a map, but it seemed like a great place to get a fresh start. Family homes, mom and pop shops, and maybe 6 schools around. No one knows you, seeing as you moved almost cross-country, so perfect.
Your first day wasn’t anything like you imagined. You thought you would be clocked immediately, especially since in the rush to move and get enrolled in school you had forgotten to get your haircut. You lucked out though, because the only reason someone (besides a teacher) came to talk to you was because of your Pearl Jam shirt.
That was the day you met Rodrick Heffley, resident “bad boy” with a band that wasn’t shit (you could say that seeing as you were in it) and a taste for rock and metal. That’s who came to talk about your shirt.
“You listen to Pearl Jam?” He asked, and you were immediately on the defense.
You knew you didn’t exactly look the part of emo metalhead, you had heard it your whole life growing up. “Listen to your normal music,” was a common one, and you won’t lie, it hurt. Especially from the popular white kids because it was just another tally mark against you.
“Yes? What about it?” You snapped.
“Woah, didn’t know I touched a nerve,” his face had reddened a little, but besides that it didn't change. “I was just gonna ask your favorite song.”
“Whatever,” you rolled your eyes. “I like Why Go from the Ten album.”
“Cool, cool, that’s a good one.” And then you both just stood there staring at each other. “Do you want to come over to my house after school?”
“I don’t even know you, kid,” you chuckled, “what are you, a kindergartener?”
“Well excuse me for trying to be nice.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m Rodrick.”
He held out his hand, which you hesitantly shook. “I’m (Y/N).”
“So are you coming over or what?”
And just like that he became one of the most important people in your life– along with his best friends; Drew, Ward, Chris, and Ben. Present day, you are never without Rodrick, and he, you. It doesn’t take a lot to convince the other to do something you probably shouldn’t, which leads to you guys getting in trouble a lot.
Like how one time towards the end of junior year in the middle of the night, Rodrick and you snuck out for a carnival almost 2 hours away. You had been relaxing at home, reading, when you heard little tinks coming from your window. You knew it was Rodrick throwing rocks at your window. He always did that when he’d sneak out of his house to come to yours.
“What the hell do you want?” You jokingly whisper-yelled as you opened your window.
“Come to a fair with me!” He whispered back.
“Last time I checked, the summer fair didn’t come until after school ended?”
“Because it’s not the one in Plainview, it’s the one in Huntington! Just come on!” He groans.
“First of all, I’m in pajamas!” You motioned up and down yourself. “Second of all, that’s almost two hours away!”
“So what, you’ve snuck out with me before! What makes this time any different? Come on, (Y/N), live a little!”
“Fuck it, fine!” and you closed your window to change. Your parents were long gone asleep, so you doubt they’d check on you, meaning you were in the clear.
You settled on baggy pants and a short sleeve, which is what you almost always wear, before you jumped out your window (you were on the second floor, yea, but your house wasn’t that big so it wasn’t a huge jump). Rodrick was waiting in his van, so you climbed into the passenger seat and set off.
You took a mini nap on the way, but after you woke up, you guys didn't shut up. From school to new albums, you talked about it all. You guys always were like this, (still were) even though at this point you’d only known each other a couple months. It scared you a little, how close you two had gotten in such a little period of time, mainly because you don’t want him to drop you because of who you were before.
“We’re here!” He pulled into a parking spot. You both climbed out of the van and met in front of it. “You brought your wallet, right?”
“Hanging with you? Of course not.” You deadpanned, before pulling out your wallet with a smile. “Why would I go to a fair without my wallet?”
He just rolled his eyes, slung his arm around your neck and walked to the ticket booth. Once in the fair, you guys set a plan to leave around 2:00 so you can get back in time for school.
You run around together, ride to ride, concession stand every chance you can get, and then barfing into a trash can. “I will never sneak out with you again.”
“Sure, ok,” Rodrick scoffed. “Come on, I want to ride the ferris wheel before going home!”
“Sure,” you rolled your eyes as you wiped your mouth, “just let me finish tossing my organs into this dumpster.”
“Let's go, smart ass.”
Surprisingly, there wasn’t a long line for the wheel. You’re on it in 5 minutes, and at the top in another 5.
“Told you it was worth it.” Rodrick teased as you looked out to the neon fair lights.
“Yea, yea, whatever,” you mumbled, too busy looking out at the eye widening view.
There’s a moment of silence. “Y’know, I’m glad we met each other.”
“Ew, don’t get all sentimental on me. Especially on a ferris wheel, that's just cringey.” You joke.
“I’m being serious!” He sighs. “Like I love the band, but I think me and you got closer in the span of a few months than me and them since middle school. It’s crazy.”
“Yea, sure, ok, dude,” you look back out to the lights. You couldn’t look him in the eyes because you had this warm feeling in your gut that you couldn’t place.
Rodrick doesn’t allow you to, though, as he grabs your face in one hand to make you look at him. “What the hell are you doing?”
“I want you to say it,” he stares into your eyes, seeming to search for something.
“Say what, jackass?” You feel your face catch on fire in the dark of the night.
“That I’m your best friend.” He looks so serious, and his eyes never leave yours.
“You’re my best friend,” you roll your eyes with a grin, “can you let me go now?”
“We’ll work on it.” He pats the side of your face and then faces the lights outside the wheel.
When you're both off the ferris wheel, you’re headed back home. The car ride home was silent, you in your own head and Rodrick seemed tired. You offered for him to stay over and sleep until school starts, but he declines, knowing his parents will wake him up in the morning.
You pull up to your house but just sit there for a second. “It was a bunch of fun, as always. Til we sneak out again.”
“See ya,” he smiles and lightly punches your shoulder.
“See ya, dude,” and you head to your house.
When you see him pull off, you lightly close your front door. As you turn around, your soul leaves your body.
“I don’t even want to know,” your mom holds her hand up to silence you. “Phone, now.”
You sigh, but do it.
It seemed that’s what happened with Rodrick, too, so for the rest of the school year you and Rodrick could only contact each other at school. He still snuck over, that wasn't going to stop.
You don’t regret leaving with him that night, because you had never had someone willingly be that close to you.
Currently, you’re all huddled up in the hot attic that is his room, but it was the only place without younger kids so you don’t complain much.
“Dude, I thought this year was gonna be it!” Rodrick complains as he lays upside down on his bed.
“Oh, it’s gonna be it, alright,” Ben rolls his eyes and throws a paper ball in Rodricks direction. “It’s going to be the year I finally strangle you if you mention Heather Hills one more time.” We all chuckle at how true it was.
Right now, he wouldn’t shut the fuck up about Heather Hills. Even though you had come in the middle of junior year, it was quick knowledge that he had a crush on her since middle school. At first it was cute, but after some unforeseen circumstances, you actually hated hearing her name. It wasn’t like you had a crush on him (It was), but the fact that she didn’t give him the time of day, and even when she did it was just to make fun of him or to have him do something.
“I second that, it’s fucking annoying,” you push him off the bed, seeing as you were on it right next to him.
“Ow, you dick!” he sits up and rubs his head.
“We’re, like, four months from graduating, if she wanted you, she would’ve said it.”
“Yea but-” Ward cuts him off.
“But nothing, bro, she don’t want your ass.”
It’s what you’ve been telling him this whole time, but you didn’t want to be too pressed about it because you didn’t want him to think you like her. You didn’t like her, you liked the one who liked her. You hadn’t realized it until you saw Heather sweetening him up one time and it hurt to watch– and not in a disgusted way.
You had no idea about your sexuality, you knew you liked boys even before you transitioned, but as you became more comfortable with yourself girls weren’t so bad either. You had been on a few dates with mostly girls (there weren’t many out guys in a small town, who knew?), but no one was Rodrick.
“I mean, I know, subconsciously,” he points to his head, “but she has this way of being in your head, no matter how mean she is.”
“Blah blah blah, bruh we don’t caaaarreee!” You roll your eyes and fall back on his bed. “She’s probably going to, like, Harvard or some shit and gonna marry rich. She doesn’t have time for loser guys like ourselves unless we can do something for her. It’s been that way since middle school, and it’ll be that way til the end of time”
“Major harsh, dude,” Drew pipes up.
“Whatever,” You get up and grab your backpack. “I’m going home, see you bozos tomorrow.”
You know why it bothers you so much, but you didn’t think you went that far. Hell, even Ward said something, but you were the one who was being “major harsh”? You roll your eyes as you stomp off to your house.
“Major harsh, my ass,” you murmur to yourself.
Tomorrow comes faster than you’d like. It wasn’t like you blew up on the guys, but you were pissed that you had been shut down. You kind of wanted to avoid them and go straight to class, but when you exit your house you see Rodricks van. The ride to school was pretty quiet except for the “good morning,” you all exchanged amongst yourselves.
“You were right,” Rodrick nudges you. When you give him a confused look, he goes on, “Heather is never gonna want me, and I’m taking myself off the market for other babes.”
“Oh, all those poor girls, saved,” you chuckle. Now you kind of feel bad, “but seriously, my bad if I went too far with what I was saying. I don’t have an excuse for what I said, but I am sorry.”
“Nah, I needed that good kick in the ass so I could wake up. Thanks, bro.” He playfully punches your shoulder.
“No problem, bro.”
As we pull up to school, you see Heather and her friends around their red convertible bug. You didn’t know whose it was, it was passed around more than a blunt in your group. Every morning they were there, and every morning Rodrick went to talk to them, talk to her, like clockwork.
“So are we skipping today, boys?” Rodrick suggests.
In a unison of ‘Hell Yea’s, you were the voice of reason. “Fuck no.”
They all groan, as they usually do when you’re right. We’re walking away from the van as you explain, “Y’all don’t have enough brain cells or credits to afford to skip. If yall want to blow this place, ya gotta graduate. You don’t even have to have honors.”
“Whatever, nerd,” Rodrick shoves you with a chuckle. “You can be a suck up and stay all day, but we’re outta here.”
“You can suck up on my balls, jackass,” you laugh and shove him back.
“You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” he shoves back.
“You’d love that!” but you don’t push him, you look in front of you.
You expected to see the red car, but you saw the stairs. You had passed the car?
You look behind you, and you still see the group talking about someone cheating on someone’s boyfriend, but you notice Heather Hills looking at you.
This wasn’t the first time Rodrick had ignored Heather for you, but that was at lunch. He always talked to her in the morning. You don’t know why, but you knew that this was her last straw.
When you had first moved here, you weren’t on her radar until you had talked to him. She was just standing off to the side and you didn’t realize it then, but he was just talking to her and stopped to talk to you. You could feel her glare, but when you looked at her she gave you a sugary sweet smile. That wasn’t the last time you would see that fake smile, but after this morning you knew it would be.
“I don’t know what you told him, but you need to untell him.”
The voice wasn’t unfamiliar to you, but you weren’t used to it being directed at you.
“Hi, Heather, how are you on this beautiful day?” You smile at her, though it was probably closer to a grimace.
“Cut the shit, you heard me.” She growls as you put your stuff in your locker.
“Why does it have to be me saying anything to him? Maybe he actually grew some balls and a brain.”
“You’re like a lost puppy around him, of course you said something.”
“Well, Heather,” you huff as you drop your bag and face her, “he used to follow you around like a lost puppy and I got sick of it because you were using him. I don’t know why it bothered me so much, but it did, so I told him that.”
“I know why,” she leans closer to your face with a whisper. “It’s because you’re a gay little bitch who hopes he looks in your direction but he wouldn’t even spit near you. I see how you look at him, but just remember he looks at me like that.”
“Ok,” you roll your eyes. “Why do you care so much? You admitted several times that you don’t like him.”
“He needs to like me, not the other way around. It gives other guys the idea that they can be with me and I can get gifts out of it. So if you don’t fix this, I can get so much dirt on you it’d make your head spin.”
“I think the bleach fumes are finally getting to your brain,” you scoff, trying not to seem nervous. You didn’t think that she could get to your secret, but that bitch has power in high places. But you had come so far without being outed, so you didn’t think it’d happen this close to your escape. “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m not gonna do that because you’re a bitch who doesn’t deserve any attention.”
She slams your locker in your face, “You’ll regret that.” And as she walks away you roll your eyes and mumble a “bitch”.
She doesn’t even want him, but I can’t have him? Whatever, bitch.
You decided to keep your little interaction from Rodrick and the gang because you knew it’d open up a) what she could find on you and b) did Heather actually like Rodrick and she’s lying? You just let them lead the conversation as you try to rationalize with yourself.
How would she find out your trans? You’ve been stealth for a year and your school medical records are locked up tight. She can’t out anything but you being gay and even that was a little chest tightening. At least you’ll still be a man, even if it was a gay one. Being outed as trans could shatter people’s perception of you and you’ll be that weird “girl” again.
“What are you thinking so hard about?” Rodrick asks you and you realize you’re the only two in the van now.
“Nothing, just exhausted. I need to be asleep right now,” you pretend to rub your eyes.
“Whatever you say, dude,” he sighs, but puts his hand on your shoulder and looks you in the eyes. “I’m here whenever you wanna talk, you seem to have a lot on your mind.”
It makes you freeze. It’s not like he isn’t always like this, he’s your best friend, but it doesn’t help after your conversation with Heather. He does this with every guy in the group, he may put on a front of being a dick to his brother, Greg, but he really cares for his friends. You have to convince yourself that this was just that, nothing more.
“Eyes on the road, weirdo,” you shrug his arm off with a nervous laugh. “I told you I was fine, I’m just tired.”
“Ok, dude,” he rolls his eyes.
Before you know it, he drops the rest of the guys off at their houses. You’re usually the last one to get dropped off since more often than not you’re the first one to be picked up. But when Rodrick passes your house, you have more than a few questions.
“Where the hell are you taking me?” You sigh.
“Obviously you won’t tell me what’s actually wrong, so we’re going to hang out til that frown turns upside down!” He smiles as he passes his house, too.
“How did I become friends with such a cornball? Aren’t you supposed to be the resident bad boy, go back to that.”
“You know you love me,” he smirks.
More than you know, that’s the reason I’m in this mess! You almost say, but stick with, “Sure, whatever you say.”
You know exactly what he’s going to do, you guys do it every time one of y’all are going through it. Head to the gas station to get slushies and snacks, then go out to your favorite clearing in the woods. He even does it with Greg sometimes, even though he likes to act like he hates his younger brothers.
“Isn’t the point of a slushy to mix all of the flavors together?” Rodrick rolls his eyes.
“We have this conversation every time we come here, I get two flavors that compliment each other! All of those flavors confuse your mouth and you lose taste buds.”
“You lie just like my mother, which means you lie like shit.” And for that you slap his shoulder. “OW!”
“Don’t talk about Susan like that!” You say, jokingly offended. You go to hit him again, but he grabs your hand.
“You’re a fucking nut case.”
“OMG!” You hear an all too familiar voice excitedly yelp. “I thought I heard your voice!”
“Oh, hey Heather.” Rodick turns to talk to her, forgetting to let go of your hand. “What are you doing in here?”
“My friends wanted to stop in here to get some junk.” She waves her hand behind her and rolls her eyes. “I obviously don’t eat stuff like that, I mean, look at me.” Rodrick doesn’t even glance down when she motions at herself.
“Good for you, me and (Y/N) are actually in here for some snacks, too.”
She finally looks at you, and then at you and Rodricks combined hands. You squirm under her stare and take your hand out of Rodricks. He looks at you in seeming confusion, but doesn’t say anything.
“I didn’t see you there, hey (Y/N)!” She has a smile on her face, but you can see in her eyes the amount of hatred she has for you.
“Hey, Heather…” You almost whisper, and then turn to seem busy with your slushy.
“Well, we should get out of here, bye Heather.”
“Oh, yeah, I think my friends went back to the car, so I should head out, too.” She turns to leave, but looks back over her shoulder and waves seductively. “Bye, Rodrick!”
When you hear the front door bell ring, you finally release the breath you had been holding in. “Holy shit,” you whisper to yourself.
“What was that?” Rodrick turns to you with a smile and points behind him. “She’s never willingly came up to me unless she needs something. And she just wanted…conversation?”
“Your guess is as good as mine,” You paint on a smirk even though your heart is racing. She had seen you with Rodrick, holding hands (completely his fault!), and he couldn’t be any less interested in her! You just know your fate is sealed.
“Well, let’s get this shit paid for and go.” He grabs up your food and you grab the slushies.
With everything paid for, you guys hop back into the van and head into the trail a few blocks down. It wasn’t anything official, but you hadn’t gotten in trouble for being out here, so yall just kept going.
You park the van and head into the back, opening the doors for some fresh air.
“So are you ready to tell me what’s up?” Rodrick asks after a few sips of his slushy abomination.
“I told you that I’m just exhausted.” You keep up your front.
“And I told you that you lie like my mom,” he sighs. “So you might as well just spill it.”
“It’s just something that me and my family have to deal with, you don’t have to worry about it!” You know if you bring your family into it, he’ll stop pushing it because he knows your parents don’t play.
“Ok, ok, I’ll let it go.” He raises his hand in defense.
You don’t respond, and you guys are submerged into silence once again. You exchange looks when you don’t think the other is looking, but besides that you take in the forest around you.
Heather could never experience these moments with Rodrick and understand how precious it is. Rodrick has always been the weird “bad boy” (people literally only say this because of his clothes and that makes you roll your eyes) who some of the girls wanted but if it got out they did like him, they’d be made fun of. You see how some of the girls look at him when he isn’t looking, and it hurts your heart. You know they have more of a chance than you ever would.
But with you, he was never like this. He was the goofy, caring friend who’d drop everything if you said the word. Heather only sees him as an object that gives her affection, but you see him as he truly is; a guy who loves and just wants it back. He just wants to be seen.
“Y’know you’re my best friend, right?” You blurt before you can think about it.
“Only took you a year to be genuine about it,” he nudges your shoulder.
“What?”
“The ferris wheel.” He states like you’re just supposed to know. And you do.
“You still remember that?” You gape.
“Anyway, yes I am your best friend, just like how you’re mine.” He grins at you, and then he drops it, “you’re not planning anything are you?”
“Oh my god, a guy can’t express his appreciation for his best friend?” You throw your hands up.
“I’m watching you,” he squints his eyes and points at you.
You get a text from your mom wondering where you are, and that’s the end of your little outing with Rodrick.
When he drops you home, Heather is the furthest thing from your mind, even though you know holding Rodricks hand (even though it wasn’t even purposely!) would be a slight against you.
Over the next two weeks, Heather's empty threat went to the back burner of your mind. If she wanted to out you, it would’ve happened by now. I’m safe, you sighed in relief.
Rodrick continued not to go up to her in the morning, but if she talked to him he definitely talked back. It seemed to calm her attitude toward you now, but it still was a hot seat around her. Like now, she’s passing around flyers for her party this weekend and intentionally passed by you.
“Rodrick, you’re definitely coming to my party this weekend, right?” She bats her eyelashes. “I need your band Soiled Diper to play!”
“It’s Löded Diper,” you correct and she glares at you, “and when have you ever wanted us to play anywhere near you?”
“Us?” She scoffs at you. “I just want the main band, not some wannabe.”
“Woah,” Rodrick stops her. “(Y/N) is an actual part of the band, so no him, no band.”
“Him? If that’s what you wanna say, sure.” And to the untrained ear it could just be her upset that he isn’t going along to exclude you, but you know what she means. As you perk up and look in her eyes, she’s already looking at you with a knowing smirk.
She knows. FUCK how does she know?
“I’m fine with not going, Rod,” you try to sway him. This cannot be fucking happening.
“No, it’s either all of us or none of us.”
Of course now he wants to be a fucking hero right now. He doesn’t get that this is social suicide FOR ME! Social homicide? Not important right now.
“Ok,” she has that sugary sweet fake smile. “Don’t come, then. Remember what I said.”
That last part was for you, you know it, and your blood runs cold. Fuck.
The rest of the day you’re on the edge of your seat, thinking what she might do. How the fuck did she even find out? You weren’t on social media much pre-transition, so barely any photos of you before exist. And like you said, your medical records were locked up tight.
Whatever, you try to convince yourself. She won’t do anything! She would’ve already.
You make it home with no one running around talking about your biggest secret, so your anxiety has allowed you to breathe again.
You decide to finally talk to your mom about this because who else will understand?
“You’re right to be afraid, but you’re also right about her doing it when she finally found something on you.” Your mom rubs your hair as you lay in her lap.
“It’s like I can’t get into her mind and I seriously want to. Like what is she planning?” Your thoughts literally won’t shut up. You haven’t had to worry about stuff like this for close to 2 years, and now its like your whole world is about to collapse
“For her sake, I hope nothing because I’m not above beating a little girl's ass!” And you know she’s being for real. Your mom doesn’t play around.
“Mom,” you roll your eyes.
“So, she thinks you like Rodrick…What’s up with that?”
“You know the answer if you’re asking,” you sigh.
“Do you want any advice on that? I say you should go for it.” Your mom shrugs.
“Absolutely not, because if this does come out I don’t want him weirded out by me being trans and gay.” You don’t even know if you are gay gay, but you know it’d make you that if you ask him out.
“I think you’re safe, but if something does blow, I’m in your corner.” She holds up her fist playfully to show it.
“Thank you, Mom.” You finally felt at peace with the whole thing. You trust your mom and feel like it will all blow over.
If only you knew.
The next morning, you walk with a pep in your step. You decide to walk to school, texting Rodrick you didn’t need a ride. It took a little longer to walk than drive, so you knew they’d beat you there.
When you finally showed up, people were staring at you, but it didn’t bother you much. People looked at you and the gang weirdly all the time, it just happened. It was when you finally made your way inside that all hell broke loose.
Random whispers were rampant through the hall, but when you walked by it would stop. Whatever, they were probably just talking about what you were wearing like always. You shrugged and went to find the guys.
You were right in front of them in the cafeteria and about to speak when that sugary voice stopped you, “Hey, [Redacted]!” It exclaimed.
You could’ve thrown up right then and there. You whip around to face Heather, “What the hell did you just call me?”
“Should I tell her or are you guys going to be good friends?”
“Guys, what is she talking about?” You turn to them and the look on their faces say it all.
They Know. Everyone knows.
Ben turns his phone around and you have to will yourself to not spill your breakfast out onto the concrete. It’s a screenshot from one of your parents' private Facebooks from two or three years ago with a title that stated your deadname.
The “girl” in the picture was going to homecoming, and it was obvious that it was you. Your face was softer, caked with makeup, and your hair was longer. The caption had your name and said that you were indeed going to homecoming.
“This picture was private, how the fuck?” You were whispering to yourself. You’re frozen in place, you can’t look anywhere but Ben’s phone.
“How could you hide this from your friends?” Heather fake gasps. “Pretending to be a boy? Going into the boys bathroom and locker room? What a freak!” and her whole group laughs. When you didn’t respond, she kept going, “Like, can you guys believe it? She’s pretending to be a boy to get close to you, and I even heard she had a little crush on one of you!”
That made you bark out a sob. Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy-
“It’s crazy! Right, Rodrick?” and that snaps you out of it.
You glance at him, and he looks angry. Probably at you for lying to him. You darted away, looking for an exit because all you can think about is going home. You hear your name called after you, but you don’t care.
“What the hell are you doing home? Classes literally just started.” Your mom asks as she’s cuddled up with your dad. You don’t answer her, and just run up to your room, sobbing.
“Woah, woah woah, hey!” They get up to go after you.
When you get to your room, you don’t close your door knowing they’re after you. You shut your phone down and just throw yourself onto your bed, trying to stop your tears.
“Son, what’s wrong? What happened at school?” My dad knocks on the open door.
“Heather Hills,” you say through your pillow. Even if your dad didn’t get it, your mom did.
“She didn’t…”
“She did though, Mom!” You cry out, turning to face them. “She outed me to the whole school! She somehow found one of your Facebooks, got into it and found an old picture of me going to homecoming, and she shared it with the whole school!”
“Are you serious?” Your dad balls up his fist.
“Not only that, but she said that I was pretending to be a guy! Said I was doing it to get close to Rodrick, basically told him I liked him, and made me seem like this big ass weirdo!”
“We need to do something about this,” your mom says, and she sounds pissed. “This has to be some sort of harassment!”
“Your mother is right, we need to contact the school-”
“NO, please,” you start. “What’s done is done, I don’t want this bigger than it is!”
“(Y/N)!-”
“Mom, please listen to me!” You’re exasperated at this point. “Heather has the whole school behind her. Her parents are RICH, so if we try to do anything, it’ll just make everything worse!”
“I don’t give a fuck about her parents! She hurt my baby and she needs to be held accountable!”
“I don’t want to be in the middle of any more drama!” You groan. “I just want to figure this out quietly and on my own. I don’t want to talk to anyone about it and I just want to be left alone!”
“Ok, ok,” your dad sighs and puts a hand on your head. “If that’s what you want, we won’t push it,” he turns to your mom, “won’t we?”
“Yea, I guess,” she rolls her eyes, but gives a weak smile. “But at any point you need any help or she does anything else, we’re in your corner.”
“Thank you for understanding.”
“Get some rest, son,” your dad pats your shoulder. “You look like you need it.”
“I’ll try.”
But you knew you weren’t going to be able to sleep. You avoid your phone because you didn’t want to be contacted by anyone, but especially Rodrick. You didn’t want to know his disgust with you, didn’t want to know how much he thought that Heather was right.
Without the distraction of your phone, your room and the house was too quiet. You could hear your parents downstairs, trying not to be angry about your situation and watching television. Your mind keeps replaying you looking at Ben’s phone, ears ringing in anger and worry. You’re so horrified, afraid you’ve lost all of your friends. You were supposed to graduate without anyone finding out. What was the point of a fresh start if you were just gonna have to deal with all that you wanted to avoid at your old home?
You hear someone knock on your front door, and even being that far away from it you heard Rodricks voice. This time you can’t stop your stomach from lurching and you run to the bathroom.
As you flush the toilet, you hear the door close and footsteps up the stairs. That makes you pray on the bathroom floor to anything that could hear you to not make you talk to him yet.
“Hey, baby, you alright?” Your mom’s voice fills you with relief and seems to calm your stomach.
“No,” you say truthfully. You didn’t feel like lying right now, “I feel like everything is over for me.”
“You heard him, didn’t you?”
“Not what he said, but I heard his voice,” you admit.
“Then I think you should answer your phone.” And with that, she leads you back to your room, kisses your forehead, and goes back downstairs.
You don’t turn your phone back on until the next day. You still felt sick, and no matter how much you tried to eat you just couldn’t. You stayed home from school and your parents didn’t argue, but they still had to go out for work. Not a full trip, but they had to go to the next town over.
You had less messages than you thought you would, but it’s still crazy. Drew, Ward, Chris, Ben, and even Bill messaged you, but you didn’t care about all of them because one name caught your eye. Rodrick.
It was four messages; are you home??, answer me!, i’m coming over. were the first three, but the last message was a video.
It starts staring at the floor, and then it’s pointed to a group of people. You can make out you, the gang, and Heather behind you. You take off running, but the recording doesn’t stop there.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Rodrick stands up and gets in Heather's face.
“What?” she laughs in disbelief.
“You heard what I said!”
“Are you seriously defending her over me? I thought you liked me?!” You can hear the fakeness in her voice.
“That was before you decided to spread lies about my friend! He has done nothing to you!” the emphasis on the “he” makes your eyes widen. “You’re gonna stop talking shit about my best friend to my face! You’re such a fake bitch! I don’t know how I ever liked you…”
“Don’t tell me you’re seriously picking her over me? You must be more homo than her to like that wannabe boy.”
“Are you fucking serious?” The rest of the guys pipe up and start to surround Heather.
“He is a guy, and if you think anything other than it, you must be stupider than I thought,” Ben steps up.
“And so what if I like him? Just know I don’t like you, not anymore.” Rodrick is the angriest you’ve ever seen him, it’s kind of hot scary.
“Whatever, you’re all just losers. Lets go,” she turns and walks off with her crew.
That’s where the video ends.
You couldn’t stop rewatching it in amazement. He had stood up to Heather Hills for you without hesitation. Had said he liked you to Heather Hills. To basically the entire school, if this video has already gone around.
You debate whether or not you wanted to talk to him, but your need for your best friend wins over your need to hide. You slip on your shoes and head out.
You live a little over 5 minutes away from Rodrick even though he drives you guys everywhere. You know you could’ve told him to come over to your house, but it’s nice to finally get some fresh air. Plus, his mom was always nice to see when you went over his house.
When you get there, you see his van parked in the driveway near the garage. You have to hype yourself up to knock on the front door, but once you do it’s like a wave of nausea comes crashing over you.
I can’t do this, oh my god. What have I-
Before you can finish your thoughts, the door opens. You half expect it to be Rodrick, but it’s just Greg.
“Hey, kid.” You do a little wave as if you haven’t met him before. Whenever you come over, you tend to see Greg and Rowley, too. Most of the time they’re just in the living room, but they sometimes come up to the attic just to get chewed out by Rodrick, especially when it’s just you two up there.
“Hey, (Y/N),” he smiles, “where’ve you been?”
“Yknow.” You wring your hands. “Around.”
You can barely get words out. Does Greg know? Did Rodrick tell his family about what his best friend is?
“Rodrick should be upstairs in his room.” Greg moves out of the way so you can step into the house. “He’s been moping up there since yesterday, I don’t even think he’s left it today.”
“He didn’t go to school?” It’s not surprising, he’s always skipping, but you know it’s because of what went down yesterday.
“Nope,” Greg shakes his head. “Look, I don’t know what happened between you guys, because he only acts like this when he can’t see you, but I think you guys will work it out. It’s like me and Rowley, just less romantical.”
“W-what-” you sputter out. “I don’t-”
“Sure, whatever you want to tell yourself.” Greg cuts you off with an eye roll. “Like I said, he’s upstairs.”
“Thanks, kid.” Your face is on fire.
And with that, you mount the stairs to the attic. Is your crush on Rodrick really that obvious that even his family can see it? And with the way Greg was talking it seems to be reciprocated. You heard it come out of Rodrick’s own mouth, but what if he just said that so Heather could leave you alone?
You’re in front of his door before you can finish your thoughts. You knock, ready to get this over with.
“Mom, I told you I’ll be ok, just leave me alone!” You hear him call out.
“Not your mom, last time I checked.” You say, a soft smile grows on your face from hearing his voice.
You hear him leap up off of his bed and trip over something, but it doesn’t seem to phase him as he runs to open the door.
“(Y/N),” he breathes out.
“Hey,” you can barely look him in the face. “Can I come in?”
“Yea, yea, come in!” He pulls you through the door.
Once in his room, it’s like you’ve never set foot in it. You don’t know what to do, where to sit. It all feels new to you for some reason.
“Dude, just sit down somewhere.” Rodrick laughs at your newfound confusion.
You decide to sit on his bed, which you do every time you come over. You and Rodrick always sit on opposite ends of the bed so you can look at each other, which this time is no different.
You just sit there, staring at each other. You decide to break the ice. “It’s true, all of it. I don’t know how Heather got that picture, but I was a girl for most of my life up until now. Please, don’t hate me.”
“I’m not going to lie, it made me mad that I had to find out through Heather Hills,” he sighs, “but then again it’s none of my business. You were doing it to protect yourself, so I get it and I don’t have a right to be mad. I could never hate you over something like that though.”
You just sit there with your mouth open. You knew subconsciously that he couldn’t have hated you, but you had grown up hearing all the hatred people had for people like you. You had no choice to be on the defense when coming over here, no matter what you heard.
“I just-” You start. “I just, I know you’re my best friend, and I should’ve trusted you with this, but I couldn’t. I’ve never had anyone but my parents know. Their families don’t even know, that’s the whole reason we moved here.”
“Would you have ever told me?” He asks, kind of quiet.
“Maybe.” You shrug honestly. “I was too worried about trying to survive high school without a slip up to think that far ahead.”
“Oh,” is all he answers.
It’s another drowning silence. You’ve never had an awkward silence in your entire friendship, this is freaking you out.
“Did you watch the video I sent you?” Rodrick speaks up.
“Yea, it was the first thing I saw when I turned my phone back on.” Another beat of silence. “It was the only reason I came over here to talk to you.”
“Did you watch the whole thing?”
“Only a hundred times,” you smile evilly. “I love watching that barbie wannabe get put in her place.”
“Yea, that was great to do,” his voice lowers, “but that’s not what I was talking about.”
“I know.” You whisper and look him in the eyes.
You just sit there staring at each other, and then Rodrick looks down at your lips. It was so quick you could’ve missed it if you blinked, but you saw it. Just go for it.
“Are you going to kiss me, or just think about it?” You try to sound confident, but it ends up a quiet squeak.
His eyes widen, but he begins to inch over to you until you’re pressed up against each other. “Is this okay?” His whisper tickles your lips.
You just nod, eyes never leaving his. You don’t know who leans in first, but your lips are together in a flash. Your grip on his shirt is tight, as if when you let go it’ll all disappear. Your mouths almost move in unison, like you’re trying to devour the other. You can barely breath, feeling like this isn’t real. You dreamed about this moment for so long and now that it’s here it’s like you’re ascending.
You are the one who pulls away first, needing to breathe. Rodrick doesn’t seem like he wants to stop, kissing down your jaw to your neck. While you're breathing softly, you hear a knock at his door. That doesn’t stop Rodrick though.
“Rodrick,” you breath out as a warning.
“Hm,” he hums indifferently. Before you both know it, his door opens.
“Rodrick, you need to leave this- OH MY GOD!” His mother screams out.
“MOM!” Rodrick jumps away from you in fear and shock.
You’re all just stuck looking at both of them staring at each other before you break the silence.
“Hey, Ms. Susan…”
After that you are put through a lecture with his mom and dad. You guys can’t be upstairs alone without Greg being a buffer, door open at all times even with the other guys there. They, of course, texted your parents about what they found so that's gonna be fun to go home to. But you felt like none of that mattered because you got what you wanted. You didn’t lose your friends, and you even gained a boyfriend.
He offers to drive you home, which you take because you want to be close to him for a little longer. So you wave goodbye to his parents and get into the van.
You hold hands on the way to your house.
“We’re glad you decided to come back to school,” Rodrick squeezes your hand. “It’s been so boring.”
“First of all, I was gone one day,” you roll your eyes in fake annoyance. “And second of all, you literally didn’t even go yesterday!”
“But it’s always boring whenever I don’t get to see you, baby.” He wiggles his shoulders against yours.
All the guys groan in fake disgust. “Yall are so corny, break up already.” Ben gags.
“I didn’t even say anything!” You throw your hands up, taking one of Rodricks hands with you.
“Cringe by association.” And you roll your eyes in true annoyance.
“Are you sure you’re ready to go back?” Rodrick interrupts. “We could just go back to your house and hang out for the day.”
“I’m sure you’d love that,” you shove his arm, “but if I keep skipping, it’ll be like she won. Plus I’m not losing my straight A streak because of that bimbo.”
“Fine,” he huffs. “I can’t wait for the last day, school is so boring.”
“I thought without me it was boring?” You raise an eyebrow.
“You know what I mean.” He kisses your cheek.
“Yuck,” one of the guys laughs out behind your back.
“Shut the fuck up so we can get this day over with.” You flip them off.
You’re, of course, joking because you know you couldn’t have gone through this without them. After your talk with Rodrick, you all had a group hangout and talked through all of this. They let you know the whole time that they were 100% on your side. They were your boys and you were theirs.
Maybe the rest of the year won't be hell. You got the guy, smited the girl, and even if you were outed, you had all the friends you needed with you already. You were going to be fine.
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bomber-grl · 6 months ago
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hello i love your fics so much omg 😭 can i request a damian x male reader fic where reader is like really feminine and maybe crossdresses? hc’s or a fic like im okay with anything 🫶🏻
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Damian x Fem!Crossdresser!Reader ❤︎
Pairing(s): Damian Wayne x Male reader
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Honestly? I know you’d hate to hear but Damian is Damian and is sort of weirded out when he finds out
What does he find out? That you’re actually a guy
Then he sorta applauds you mentally for being brave and challenging gender norms
He can be pretty judgmental but honestly he doesn’t even care after a while
You’re a guy that likes to be feminine
Nothing wrong with that and if anything Damian is just non chalant about the whole thing
So let’s go to when you guys start to date
It’s pretty amusing for him since whenever you go out to eat and the server refers to you with feminine terms he just says “yea, my boyfriend would love that”
Emphasizing the “boyfriend” part
Then he watches the server walk away awkwardly and although its mean, what can he say?
It’s in his nature, unfortunately
Your crossdressing doesn’t really interfere with normal like unless you meet new people that doesn’t know you’re a guy and Damian takes advantage of
But we’ve already been through that
Many people are surprised when they hear the Damian Wayne is in a relationship
He’s hardly a romantic
Well, that’s not entirely true
Because if that was the case, then why would Damian passionately support your fashion and style by buying you new things
Even going as far as going to the mall with you and lending you his card to please you?
Sure he’s acting all emo and non chalant but that blush dusted on his face ain’t hiding shit
Not to mention how he’s weirdly involved in helping you incorporate weapons (if you’re a hero/vigilante of sorts) into your outfits
He opens up more eventually and thoughtfully gifts you matching accessories without embarrassment
If you’re more leaning towards making your garments and accessories then Damian makes sure to get you fabrics and supplies that you’d like
Eventually it leads to Damian helping you out while over explaining what he’s doing as an attempt to help you
Who knew Damian could sew
And the whole ordeal was a bit of an excuse to make matching bracelets
All in all, he doesn’t really mind it at all and it’s just a everyday thing that’s parts of you
But then one day he arrives at the manor and given the heads up that you’re there in his room awaiting him
He heads up non suspecting when he really should’ve been suspecting
Because you had proposed dressing him up in your hyper feminine style this time rather than it being you
He’s a bit opposed
Only because of the time it’ll take, he’ll have to shower, and the risk of anyone seeing and taking a pic
But you’re his boyfriend so he can’t resist
And so ensues a 3 hour session of you dressing up Damian in makeup and various pieces of clothing that you brought with you for him to try on
It isn’t until he’s looking himself in the mirror that he hears a very audible click
He whipped around and It was just you taking a pic
And so he let out a breath of relief
Which one could argue was wayyy too early because then he hears giggles from the door and he knows it’s those two childish bafoons
(It was obviously Tim and Jason, they never had anything to do)
And so Damian is struggling to get them to delete it, to stop teasing him about it and how far he’d go for you, and so on
Eventually he gives up of course but in the end it was really nice to get to share your interests with your boyfriend
Besides these interactions he’s his usual self and wouldn’t have cared less
But you’re dating and there’s no way you’re getting the short end of the stick with Damian
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