#emily prentiss death

[uranometrias]

✮ꜜ : ❛ you're still a traitor : criminal minds x fem! reader [ pt. 1 ]

pairing: aaron hotchner x bau! reader (unrequited) | spencer reid x bau! reader | s7 team x bau! reader (platonic)

summary: being in love with your boss was hard. especially when there were so many factors surrounding you that made the possibility of being with him, out of the question. for starters, there was your age gap, and hotch was a stickler with baggage that he couldn't quite disclose to you. hotch was a fantasy, always out of your grasp, that is until emily dies. in the four months that followed emily's death at the hands of ian doyle, you found yourself living a life that you'd only ever dreamed about. hotch was careful, but the proof was right in front of your face as he went out of his way to care for you while you grieved. how stupid of you not to realize something was horribly wrong. but now emily was back, and hotch was back from reassignment in pakistan, and you were all on trial, and absolutely nothing makes sense except for the bitter understanding that you were a pawn in a game that in so few words was "way bigger than you." but at least you had spence.

content warnings: this is literally a barrel of angst. reader breaks the skin of her palms with her nails. mentions of slight! anxiety. follows the plot of "it takes a village" aka the iconic "this is calm, and it's doctor" episode. flashbacks x present day! spencer has been crushing on reader for as long as she's been crushing on hotch. hotch is NOT romantically interested in reader. slight! hotchniss vibes (but that's up to your interpretation. jj x reader angst! reader does not react to emily's return well. mentions of unit transfer / bureau resignation. spencer confesses to reader... open ending making room for a part 2! heartbreak, drinking, crying. best friend! penelope garcia + derek morgan. reader has a sister & niece.

read part two right here.

Your leg shakes violently as you sat just outside the court room, hands balled into tight fists as your nails press deep into the callousing skin of your palms. You couldn't say you were nervous, as far as the previous case was concerned you'd done everything you could to save Declan. You'd take whatever suspension they'd throw your way without batting an eye. You didn't regret the part you played, no, you just regretted the team that you were apart of.

It had been a crazy seven months. You remembered when things turned left, back when Emily started acting weird. She was shorter, snappier, she had less patience with any of you. Long gone were the days of wasting your time with jokes and innuendos. She had a lot on her mind, a lot none of you were privy to, and you remembered how you'd stretched yourself. You'd all tried so hard to show her you were there, to let her know that you could be trusted.

Your face contorts into a scowl, it had become your new resting face in the last few weeks. God, you hated how stupid and naive you'd been back then. Now that everything was out in the open, it was almost too obvious where the deception began. What was the point of taking care of people who had no trouble treating you like some disposable pawn piece to be moved to fit their whims. Damn. You were crying again, you'd been doing that a whole lot too lately.

You scrub furiously at your face, and you hate your teammates a little bit more. JJ had gone first, face devoid of any timidity or uncertainty. Long gone were the days of Jennifer Jareau the Liaison, she was a profiler now, one of you. When she'd come back, you'd been ecstatic. The unit hadn't been the same since she was transferred, you'd missed her so gravely. But now, now the sight of her just reminded you of the secret you'd been holding on the tip of your tongue.

Hotch wasn't the only one who had known about Emily.

You feel a hand moving to rest on the top of your thigh, and you flinch violently. You sniffle audibly, eyes moving to rest on Penelope, your God-given solace. Your best friend. She, Derek, and Spencer were the only ones who wholeheartedly understood what you felt. But even still, Hotch hadn't used their feelings to make them blind, the way he had done with you. He'd played you like a goddamn fiddle, and you'd let him. Because you were weak, stupid, grieving, and in love.

Hotch had never been in the cards for you, not that you weren't beautiful, gorgeous, an amazing agent. You had the stamp of approval of both Agents Gideon and Rossi. Erin Strauss had been (by your request) rejecting every request of transfer any other unit had tried to offer. You were an asset to the bureau, and a major part of this team. You'd been around since the beginning. You'd witnessed doe-eyed Spencer Reid join at age 23, full of facts and anxiety.

You'd seen Derek blossom and break out of his play-boy persona, and become someone that other branches of the law fought to have. You'd been around for so long, you'd witnessed so much, and Hotch knew that. Which you suppose is what you allowed yourself to believe was the reason he'd never shown signs of reciprocating your feelings. He was respecting your future, leaving your options open. But those were the delusional musings of a girl in love with someone she can't have. Hotch wasn't into you, and you knew that.

So why, why, why did you let him convince you of the opposite? For even one measly second? And, yes, of course in the grand scheme of things you understood why he did what he did. But it didn't make it hurt less. In fact knowing his duty to Emily outweighed his duty to anything else just made this whole ordeal feel more like a slap to your face. Penelope gives your thigh a reassuring squeeze, and you're pulled from your running mind. You blink, registering her worry.

"Are you alright?" she asks, and it's the first time anyone's asked you that since the first day. You know they were giving you space to cope, which only seemed to reaffirm your feelings of betrayal and loneliness. "We'll get out of this, alright? And we'll-we'll be able to be a complete family again." she proceeds, and serves you right for believing someone understood what was going on. They'd all misunderstood you. They thought your behavior was fear of the team being dismantled. Some profilers you were surrounded by.

"I'm fine, Garcia." you say, and you can't bite the snippiness if you wanted to. "I just want to get this over with, and get the hell out of here." you add, and you're standing up, Penelope's hand dropping limply as you move your seat. You find a more isolated corner, plopping back into the uncomfortable seat, as the legs squeak slightly. Your leg is back to shaking, only now you've taken to chomping on your bottom lip. You don't imagine Penelope's hurt expression, you know without a doubt that you'll cave. And you can't.

Not this time.

Your phone chirps in your pocket, and you jump once more. Your jumpiness was a new attribute triggered by the amount of sleep you hadn't been getting. Pulling it out you see that it's a call from your big sister, and you curse under your breath. You were supposed to be watching your niece so your sister could pick up an extra shift. None of you had really expected for things to go this far.

"Hey..." you wince, because you can hear the heaviness of your feelings ladled over your words.

"Hey, are you alright? I got a call from Spence." and you're surprised. You look up, searching for the brunette anywhere in the vicinity, and find that he hasn't shown up yet. It's a bit of a shock, especially for someone as punctual as Reid. You did however spot JJ still meandering about, and she's not looking tense at all. Despite your anger towards her, you couldn't deny that she'd quickly fallen into the role of a profiler. It fit her almost like a glove.

"Spencer called you?" you ask, and you hear the tension in your sister's sigh. You imagine that she must be exhausted. Your sister did a lot, and managing a blossoming family was hard. Your niece was five, and she had a new addition to the family on the way. Which was why it was so important for you to be there on the days she needed you to watch your niece.

"Yes, he said something about..." your sister lowers her voice. "Emily." she questions, and you find your head nodding despite the fact she can't see you. "Are you alright?" she asks again, and this time she emphasizes how important it is for her to hear directly from your mouth the state of your wellbeing. Your sister seemed to always see right through you, it was a wonder she wasn't the one in the FBI.

"I'm-" you trail off before you can lie. "I'm sure if they could they'd disband the unit." you whisper, and you look up just as Derek is exiting the court room, Penelope looking terrified as she takes his place. Derek scans the room before he spots you, and his eyes soften. JJ approaches him and the two seem to chat animatedly. Still they look so serious, there was no room for smiles and banter today.

It's not long though before they're looking at you again, and you know that they know. Your self isolation wasn't something you were exactly being subtle about. You immediately look away, focusing in on what your sister was saying. "Bad decisions or not, they're no good without your unit." she says, and pride still manages to swell up inside of you. "You guys do good work. You work because you're together, everyone plays their role." she proceeds, and it's then you shatter.

Play your role. What role exactly did you play? Hotch was the stoic leader that somehow seemed to play the role of pseudo-father so well for every member of the team, with the exception of Rossi and Derek. Derek, was the shoe-in for promotion. The older brother who teased you relentlessly, but would fight til his last breath to protect you, and he always did. JJ, the pretty girl. The one who everyone on the team at some point had been attracted to. But more than that, she was resilient, a subtle glue that kept your unit running.

You quickly slot through everyone else's roles in your head, and huff. What were you except the odd-woman out. The dummy with a crush on your unit chief, and too much knowledge for your own good. You supposed that was why Hotch had to distract you with exaggerated gestures. If you got out of your feelings and really thought about it, you knew that if anyone on the team was going to see through the smoke, and uncover the truth about Emily, it would be you.

So he had to handicap you. What better way than by hanging the possibility of a romance in your face. Still, it was cruel. Just more proof that this was not the family you made them out to be. "Yeah, I'm not so sure." you reply, and you can hear how disgruntled you sound. It smacks you like a ton of bricks, and it's then you truly realize just how hurt you were by everything. Your sister sighs deeply, and it makes you second guess yourself. Were you being irrational? Unfair?

"I know what Hotch did." she begins, "And it was awful to play with your feelings like that." she expresses, and you feel validated. "And nobody's expecting you to just welcome Emily back with open arms after months and months of thinking that she was dead. You were deceived, and I want you to feel however you want, okay?" she says, and you don't respond, mostly because it feels rhetorical. "Just don't do anything rash without thinking it through alright?"

You don't know what she means by that so your eyes roll. "I think we're well past that, if they find us guilty I could lose my job." you remind her, and she chuckles. You don't find it funny, you can't. Your love for the job outweighed a lot of things, so it had been a no-brainer to help Derek seek out Ian Doyle. You wanted his head spinning on a pike, and you weren't planning to take no for an answer.

two weeks prior.

You were sitting across from Derek, steaming mug of coffee in your head that was more french vanilla creamer than anything else. You held the staged photograph of Declan and Louise. Derek's holding an identical photo, a heady sigh escaping him as you both rack your brains for some sort of bullseye. Something that would point you right in the direction of Declan. "Okay, Emily needed to get Declan a new identity." Penelope says as she walks into the office. She sits in the chair right beside you, arm full of stress balls and files. "So she must have used someone that she trusted." she proceeds.

"Alright, well that's a short list, but it's probably not even written down." is Derek's tired reply.

"Even if it was, she's been so many places, with so many different points of contact. " you speak up, and you take a sip from your coffee, praying it kicks in and wakes you up a bit. "It's not gonna be super easy to track and narrow them all down." you say, and you realize your mistake just as Penelope is placing a file in your hands.

"Oh, tell me about it. Two columns, domestic and imports." she says as she passes the other to Derek, who's looking at you with an amused smile stretched across his face. Serves you both right for underestimating the genius of Penelope Garcia. "I accept your apology, cutie." she says, leaning into you as you grin, smacking your lips in a kiss.

"Hey." JJ's at the door of the office, all three of you turning to look her way as she beams brightly. "Have you guys seen, Spence?" she questions, and you remember how you'd offered to bring him a coffee as a respite from the garbage water they served in the bullpen. He'd shut you down politely asking to reschedule as he was going to be spending his day at the Firing Range. You understood the need, he wanted to protect himself, and the team. He had to get better.

"He's at the firing range." you and Penelope speak in unison, making eye contact, as hers narrow. You knew instantly she would have questions about why you of all people knew Spencer's whereabouts.

"Again?" JJ questions as you shrug your shoulders, her eyes flitting towards you.

"Ever since Prentiss died, he..." Penelope speaks your thoughts.

"Right." JJ nods her head. "Uh... did you guys just get a new case?" she questions, hands clasping together in front of her.

"It's just an old one." Derek answers.

"Do you want some fresh eyes?" she asks, and it's painfully clear that she's still figuring out how to feel more like the team again.

"Not just yet." Derek denies, and he's polite, but you knew why he was being this way. You were all for keeping anything related to Doyle under wraps until you were further along.

"Ok. Um, well let me know." she hums, and then she looks back at you. "Y/N, can I..." your eyebrows raise as she trails off. "Can we talk? It'll only take a second." she hopes, and you look to Derek and Penelope for a moment.

"We won't do anything big without you." Derek promises, and you nod, closing the file, and handing it off, before you stand to your feet. You follow JJ out of the office, and down the hallway, stopping just before you reach the heart of the bullpen. You look to her expectantly, a bit confused, but not on edge. You had missed JJ, and in the two months she'd been back, it'd been pretty hard to get some real time with her. You'd hoped a break in the case would help to change that.

"Everything okay, Jaige?" you ask, and you witness how she exhales in relief right in front of you.

"God, it is now." she says, and your eyebrows jump up. She seems to understand the confusion on your face as she lets out a chuckle, dispelling more of her own tension. "You've been calling me Agent Jareau since I got back... not JJ and definitely not Jaige." she explains, as it seems to register for you. "I guess I was just a little worried I'd done something to make you mad at me." she admits, and she's clearly sheepish.

"Oh." you chuckle yourself, and you reach out to hold her shoulder. "No, you've done nothing wrong." you promise. "I've just been a bit in my head these last few weeks, but I'm really glad you're back." JJ beams at your words, and all the remaining tension in her posture dissipates instantly.

present day.

"Hey, everything alright?" you look up, pulled from your thoughts at the presence of Spencer Reid. He's holding a medium cup of a steaming liquid that you can only assume is coffee, and you find yourself smiling despite yourself. "I remember you asked me a few weeks ago about coffee." he holds it out, and you're quick to press your phone to your shoulder, neck craning slightly as you take it.

"Thanks, Spence." you mumble, and you can practically hear your sister's smirk from the other line. "Could you just give me one second, I'm talking to my sister?" you question, and Spencer nods his head, eyes widening in understanding. You smile politely, and he beams back at you, pretty eyes seemingly brightening before he's making his way over to Derek who's smirking like the nuisance he is.

"Hey." you mumble once he's gone, and your sister is snickering. For some odd reason she'd been dropping hints that maybe the guy on the team you should be setting your sights on was Spencer. To your defense, it wasn't like he wasn't attractive. You'd be an idiot to deny his boyish charm and good looks, but after he'd sat you down and admitted he had a crush on JJ, back during his second year, you'd sort of blocked any potential attraction towards him out of your head.

Now he was just Spence.

"Hey, I should go. I just wanted to check in, Spence made me aware of everything so I've got everything figured out on this end." she promises you, and you nod once more despite yourself. "Just think about what I said, alright? It'd be a shame for you to leave behind such a good job." she finishes, and you don't know how to respond to that, so you don't. "Call me later?" she questions, though you know she's telling you more than asking.

"I will." you reply, and she sounds pleased as she exhales.

"I'll talk to you soon." and then the phone is clicking. You adjust your grip on your coffee, using your free hand to grab your phone, and place it down on your lap. The coffee smelled good, it was from that cute shoppe that sold different pastries and always smelled like cinnamon. You'd been there with Spencer and Penelope a handful of times, and they always made your coffee exactly how you liked it. Still, Spencer had never ordered for you so you await a mishap.

The first sip warms you up instantly, and you're knocked flat on your ass by how on point the drink was. Your eyes snap upwards, looking across the lobby towards Spencer, who's awkwardly sitting in a seat, Derek beside him. JJ was gone now, but you figured she was probably with Hotch and Emily, the three of them had been attached at the hip since the team was "back together". You're certain them being gone was what led you to standing to your feet.

You walk towards Derek and Spencer quietly, slipping into a seat next to Spencer as Derek leaned up against the wall. "I didn't know that you knew my coffee order." you whisper, and Spencer turns to look at you. He offers a half smile, you were certain you'd be passing a lot of those back and forth until the court proceedings were done with.

"Of course I do." he shrugs his shoulders. "I pay attention when you talk." he promises, and you wonder why he had to like JJ, and why you had to like Hotch. On paper, and off paper Spencer Reid was the perfect candidate for boyfriend, plus he never pretended to be into you to keep you from finding out the truth. You both fall into silence, there's not much else to say, but you let his words repeat in your head. I pay attention when you talk. It makes your stomach twist.

"You alright over there, pretty girl?" Derek's voice barely reaches over a whispered volume. It seemed you all were feeling the dreary aftershocks of an ordeal like the one you'd found yourselves in. You look up at Derek tiredly, and you don't understand why he's asking you this, not until you feel the scalding heat of hot coffee singing your skin. Two sets of worried eyes are drawn to your cup, it's squished in your palm, brown liquid streaming everywhere.

"Shit." you hiss, and the cup falls to the floor, you're quick to clutch your burnt hand. God, you were really torn up over this.

"I'll get this cleaned up." Derek promises, and he looks at Spencer as if he was communicating something he didn't want you privy to. Spencer falters, only for a second before he's reaching out for your forearm, and guiding you to your feet. You trail after him, walking down the long corridor, listening out for the telltale sign that Penelope was done, and they'd be calling you next. On your route you pass JJ who looks concerned as she looks between the two of you.

"Spence, Y/N?" she says, and you avert your gaze, you're not sure if you're more angry or embarrassed.

"Sh-she spilled some coffee." Spencer explains, but he doesn't stop walking. "Shouldn't be more than a first degree burn, if she soaks her hand for five minutes, everything should be fine." he is passive as he speaks, eyes never quite meeting hers as he continues to lead you.

"Let me take her." JJ offers, and both you and Spencer are quick to offer denials. She looks hurt but masks it quickly. "It's not like you can go into the girl's bathroom with her, right?" she says and it's then you both realize you've got no other choice. He looks to you, trying to gauge how you'd feel about it, and you sigh. Maybe this was for the best, you could finally get things off your chest with JJ. It was only fair. He seems to clock the instant you've decided, and concedes.

"I'll be right out here." he promises, and you nod slowly. He looks like he wants to say more, but he doesn't get the chance to.

"Spence." JJ says his name a bit more sternly, and he resists the urge to cut his eyes in her direction. He ignores her long enough to take in your ailed hand, he saw the way the skin began to redden and swell. He seems cross as he passes you off to JJ, and you feel a bit silly being fussed over for something as minute as a coffee burn. JJ's earnest in the way she takes you to the nearest women's restroom. You hiss the second the cold water comes in contact with your skin.

You don't say anything to JJ though, losing your nerve the second the two of you were alone. She looks like she's waiting for you to say something though, eyes brimming with some sort of unease. She was reading you, using her new skills to profile you. You suppose that's exactly what pushes you to finally speak. "We said we'd never profile one another." you remind her crossly, and she's sheepish. "Just because you're doing it in your head doesn't make it any less invasive." you keep your wrist in place, hissing silently.

"If you would just talk to me I wouldn't have to go that far." she counters, and you blink. Fair, but you had every right to keep your distance from her. Just because the rest of the team was still more or less unaware of JJ's role in harboring the secret of Emily, you'd read right through her.

"What's there to talk about exactly?" you ask. "None of us want to be here dealing with this." and you take the route of the naive girl.

"I'm not talking about with the trial... and the senators." she shakes her head, and she's almost pleading as she tries to catch your eyes in the mirror. "I'm talking about Emily." she deadpans. "Everything that happened?" she proceeds. "You've hardly said a word to her since she came back." she doesn't want to come off like she's scolding you, and so she takes in a breath before her tone can become defensive.

"I don't speak to ghosts." and it's a quiet little dig that she hears all the same. It forces a tense silence to wash over the restroom, the only sound slicing through the awkwardness is the water rushing from the spout. JJ clears her throat, blinking a few times as she adjusts your wrist, allowing the water to evenly coat your burn. Only a few more minutes of this and you could make your grand escape.

"That's not fair." she finally voices her thoughts with a deep sigh.

"Isn't it?" you snap. "Seven months we thought she was dead." and you suppose that was a mistake of hers, getting you started. "Pretty lucky that you were off at the Pentagon, right?" you ask sourly. "Or was it lucky that you were in on the whole scam? I mean you were at the funeral, but you didn't have to cry, you didn't have to grieve." you accuse, and JJ's jaw slackens, clearly surprised at your outburst.

"I lost my friend too, okay?" she counters and you scoff.

"Did you?" you argue. "All those nights I called you crying, all those texts, those check ins... how long did you know Emily was still alive?" you demand, and JJ's feeling cornered, and her heart rate is picking up. She knew there'd be mixed feelings about this, but she'd never expected to ever be at odds with you. You, Spencer, and JJ rounded out the younger crowd on the team, it was your job to stick together. "Answer me." you insist, and you sound so crushed as you speak.

"I knew the whole time." she answers, and you nod your head, because of course you already knew.

"Exactly." you sneer. "You're a liar." you hate how angry this whole thing makes you, but you can't deny it. They'd played with your feelings, all of them, and now you were meant to behave like nothing was wrong. "Did you know about Hotch?" you ask, and JJ flinches. She doesn't answer for a while, and the water seems to rush even louder in your ears.

"I told him it wasn't smart." she finally answers. "But we needed to ensure that Emily wasn't at risk, it was harmless... just some flirting to keep you from getting too close to the truth." and JJ is speaking as if this wasn't some major breach of your position as coworkers and alleged friends. "He'd never cross the line." she reminds you, and the reminder that yeah, Hotch would never be with you makes you wince.

"And he didn't." she says this like she knows for certain. "It was flirting, Y/N. it didn't mean anything, we just needed you to..." and she trails off when she sees how destroyed you look at her admission. "Y/N..." she trails off, and you inhale sharply.

"Don't." you exhale, and you snatch your hand from her grasp. The cool air of the bathroom immediately attacks the welts blooming on your hand. You don't have time to pay them any mind.

"We just wanted to protect you... and keep Emily safe in the process. The more of us that knew Emily was alive, the more of a liability we'd be while Doyle was still on the run." she says, and you suppose in the grand scheme you understand. As profilers, as special agents working for the FBI they'd done great work. As your friends, as people you'd considered family for years... they'd betrayed you.

Plain and simple.

"Congratulations, you did exactly what you meant to." you say dully, and you sniffle, though no tears are set to come. Instead you feel more anger blossoming in the pit of your gut. "I hope it was worth it." and it's dramatic, but you deserve the dramatics, sidestepping the blonde and leaving her behind just as Emily is stepping inside. She looks at you wide-eyed, before she sees JJ standing there seemingly frazzled.

"Is everything okay?" she questions, and you don't offer her an answer, instead leaving the restroom as your earlier words ring in your head. I don't talk to ghosts. And you don't, and despite your history you'd never allow yourself to. You find your way back to the seats that led to the courtroom, Derek was gone, the only person still there was Spencer. He stands up as soon as he hears your shoes.

"Where's Derek?" you ask quietly.

"He left with Garcia." he answers quietly. "I guess they're dismissed for now. They're in with Dave now." he explains, and your eyes shift to the door. More than likely you or Spencer would be next.

You sit down, and Spencer follows you, sinking back into his seat as his legs just barely brush against yours. "Are you scared?" you ask, and Spencer's head shakes.

"Are you?" he shoots back, and you look away from the door.

"Not of this." you admit. "But of what comes after." you add and Spencer's pretty brown eyes are swimming with confusion. "Can we really all bounce back from something like this?" you ask, and it's rhetorical, but he answers you all the same.

"We've come back from worse." he reminds you, and that faint smile is worming back onto your face.

"Sure we have." you agree numbly. Spencer's eyes drop to your hand.

"How does it feel?" he asks, and you follow his gaze with a shrug of your shoulders. He doesn't look pleased by this approach, and it makes you sigh.

"Just feels like I ran some water over it." you admit, and Spencer chuckles. "A bit anticlimactic if I'm honest with you, Doctor." and you're partly teasing, mostly because it's so easy.

"You'll need some sort of petroleum jelly... there's some pretty good products that aren't at all carcinogenic like the leading brands." he begins on a tangent, and it makes you smile a bit bigger. "That with some gauze is the perfect remedy for such a mild burn." he proceeds and you look down at it. There's a moment of silence between you, before he's talking again. "Can I ask what happened?" he whispers.

You hum, almost like you're pretending you can't hear him.

"With the coffee? Was it not good? I tried to follow your order exactly." he says and you squeeze your eyes closed.

"It wasn't you or the coffee, Spence." you promise him, and without thinking you reach out, small hand resting on his shoulder. "The coffee was perfect." you insist, and he relaxes, but not enough. "I guess I'm just thrown about all of this." you proceed. "No matter how much I try to remind myself that they did this to protect Emily... that their deception was for a good reason, it just makes me angrier. Why is it that I have to rationalize being angry?" you question.

"I have to reign my feelings in for the sake of the team." you're careful not to grow loud. Spencer's eyebrows are pressed inwardly, head shaking.

"You don't." he denies you quickly. "You shouldn't." he corrects.

"You're right." you agree, and your silent for only a second. "I wish everyone could be like you, Spence." you say, and your words surprise him. He feels this familiar wave of adoration that always seems to swallow him whole whenever he was around you.

"Really?" he knows it might be pathetic, to be hopeful for something like this. The chance to hear what popped in your head whenever you thought of him.

"Yeah." you say firmly, and he tries not to look too eager. "You're so smart." you tell him, and he knows this, but it still feels nice hearing it from you. "And you're always nice to me." you add with a quiet laugh. "And you'd never lie to me would you?" you ask, and in truth, it's not a fair question. Spencer wasn't in the position the others were in.

"What do you mean?" he asks, and he fears it may be the wrong response. You don't even react, at least not that he can tell.

"Nothing." you settle on, head shaking from side to side. "Forget I mentioned it." and he doesn't really want to remind you that his memory quite literally makes that impossible. "I heard that you weren't fighting the suspension." you say conversationally, and he's surprised, mostly because the only person he'd told about that was Derek. Which meant you had been talking about him when he wasn't around.

"I guess I just stand by everything we did." he tells you, and your hand still hurts a bit, but it's definitely a problem for a later version of you.

"Me too. I'm glad we got Doyle, and Declan's safe." you exhale, and despite your anguish towards the team, you meant every word.

"And the team's back together." Spencer himself doesn't sound so convinced. You look over at him at this, your own unconvinced expression slowly cracking through his attempt at a cool facade.

"Is it?" you ask, and Spencer's face softens, a small little frown taking over his otherwise usually content face. He couldn't admit it now, mostly because it didn't feel like the right time, but he paid attention to you. He knew all about your complicated feelings for Hotch "I don't want to be on a team with people who purposely keep me in the dark about things." you ask, and Spencer pauses.

"I'm sure they wouldn't if they had another choice." he offers, and it's not how he feels at all, but it's what you need to hear.

"You don't believe that." you deny, and Spencer can't fight his chuckle. "Or maybe you do, you've always been good at seeing the best in people."

"Oh, do you think so?" it's a bit of a surprise. With your job description it would've made more sense for you to tell him that he saw the worst in people. He felt it was a fair thing to say that he was exceptionally good at his job, but it's then he recognizes what it is you're truly saying, or at least alluding to. It makes his face heat up immediately, cheeks blossoming a rosy red that makes him want to roll his eyes.

"Of course." you promise, and then you're looking at him again. Your face is one of the prettiest he's ever seen, and it's not even subtle. You seem a bit uncertain of your own allure though, which to him is a major shock. "You're like the best person ever." you add, and he expects you to snicker or show some sign that you were joking, but you don't. Bad for him, because his deluded mind full of fantasies starring you would take words like those the wrong way.

"I think you're the best person ever..." he's whispered this, but you hear it all the same, and he's lucky enough to witness the way your entire face morphs. Despite the bleariness in your eyes, you beam brightly. He hates though, that you start to cry. It starts with one tear slipping down your cheek and dripping into your lap. The onslaught comes right after, and before you know it, you're choking on sobs.

"God..." he hears the bitter tang of self-loathing that attaches and weaves itself into your otherwise honey-filled tone. "You're making this so hard, Spencer." you huff, and you scrub at your face harshly. He doesn't understand, but he's too frozen in place to ask you what you mean. Lucky him, you seem to know that you've got explain a bit, so you do. "I'm gonna resign." you say this quietly, sniffling as more tears fall. Spencer feels like he's misheard you.

He wants to have misheard you. He flounders a bit, and he's mentally scolding himself, because he has to hurry the fuck up and say something. "You can't!" and he's scolding himself again for sounding too eager. You jump a bit at the outburst, and he winces right along with you. "We just got everyone back." he reminds you, and you exhale, head nodding in understanding.

"I know." you promise him. "Why do you think this is so hard. You think I want to be the asshole that turns the unit on its head?" you ask. "But I can't stay here and pretend that everything's fine... or act like I don't feel thrown about all of this." you proceed, and of course, Spencer understands, he's upset he was lied too as well.

"I understand." he admits with a sigh, and you let out a quiet noise of relief, almost like you were worried he'd be upset with you. He assumes this is just him being delusional again. You look like you have something sitting on the tip of your tongue, so he stays silent to give you the room to say all that you need to.

"Have you ever had feelings for someone?" you ask. You chuckle at the look he shoots you, "Not just for a second, Spence." you proceed. "I mean like... take your breath away, kind of almost-in-love feelings." you indulge, and Spencer's keen to shut his mouth. Yes, is the loud and resounding answer that rings in his head, because foolishly he'd allows you to captivate him like the siren you were almost three years prior. He'd be a dummy to tell you such now though.

"I-" he blinks harshly, eyes feeling too dry. "I can't say I have." he lies, and he remembers your words from earlier, how you'd praised him for being someone who would never lie to you. You don't seem to notice his deception though, and if you do, you're too in your own head to comment on it.

"Good." you say with a shuddered breath. "They're nothing but a headache, especially when the person doesn't want you back." you exhale the words, and it's like a dagger is being lunged into his chest. How dense could you possibly be with all your super smarts?

"Did something happen with Hotch?" he asks, and now it's your turn to be embarrassed, face pinching up as you choke on a breath. "I don't mean to pry, if it's personal... it's just that-" he trails off, seemingly waiting for you to berate him or tell him to back off. You don't, instead your nose twitches, and you begin to look at your shoes. "Y/N?" he nudges you with his elbow, and it's light.

"No." you finally say, head shaking. "I thought maybe..." you trail off, more embarrassment slicing at you as you cringe. "But it was all a ruse, just a way to keep me from getting too close, and figuring out everything about Emily before they wanted us to know." you say and Spencer's eyebrows furrow.

"They?" he pries, and you look at him like he's silly.

"Hotch and JJ." you answer plainly, and it takes Spencer a second. JJ who he'd went to for comfort for ten weeks? He blinks at you, and you shrug. "So you see... anyone that could take my feelings and use them to manipulate me... are they really worth sticking around for?" you ask, and Spencer doesn't want to validate you in this way. He wants to be selfish, he wants you to stay on the team.

He thinks about how devasted everyone would be. How devasted he would be to walk into the bullpen and find that your desk was empty.

"I don't want you to go..." he admits, and it's quite pitiful, the sadness that soaks the words like gasoline. You find yourself chomping on your lip again, nails pressing into the cuts of your palms, and Spencer's catching your bad habits in real time.

It's a bit invasive, the way his hand surges out, and stops you in your tracks. "Please don't do this." and you're not sure if he's talking about leaving the unit, or if he's referring to the gashes littering your hands. When he holds your palm out flat, and rubs his thumb across the bleeding indentations, you find that you understand quickly.

Every few seconds it's ebbing with more droplets of blood, and he's quick to wipe them away like they offend him. Just as he's moving to say something else, the doors to the courtroom are opening, and Dave Rossi is exiting, his eyes immediately on you and Spencer. You must look foolish, hands intertwined as you stare wide-eyed at the team's senior agent. It's probably why Spencer is dropping your hand as you're snatching it away from his grasp.

You still find that your eyes are quick to appraise one another. He's looking at you, and you're staring back, mouths parted as if you'd been caught. Had you been caught? Had there really been anything to catch? You don't have time to answer, because you're being called next. You frown at Spencer, standing to your feet as he feels his pulse threaten to leap to disrespectful speeds.

"Y/N..." he calls after you, and you stop for a second. Eager eyes fall back on him, and he's trailing off, because the look in your eyes says it all. If you got out of this without being fired, you could imagine a world where quitting the FBI no longer made you sick to your stomach. Silence befalls the space, and he shakes his head after a beat. You look disappointed but not surprised, inhaling deep and audibly as you march towards the court room.

Spencer doesn't know what you're going to say, but he hopes recalling all you'd been through in the last few weeks will be enough to make you stay. At least until he has the courage to ensure that you leaving the team doesn't equate to losing you entirely and completely.

[supercriminalbean]

Hotch: it nothing.

Rossi: your a terrible liar.

Hotch: that's not true.

Hotch: I once manged to trick you and the team that Emily died so ha!

Rossi:

[v3nusxsky]

going on a little vacation with emily. reader and em are sitting by a lake where there’s a bunch of wildflowers, so r picks some up near them and braids the flowers into emily’s hair while em reads to her<3 - 🐦

Agent Down

*Authors notes~ this is such a cute little Drabble omg. I'm sorry I had to make it angsty*

Trigger warnings~ mentions of death funeral

Prompt~ see ask^^^^

They say when you find the one, you just know. And with her I did. I walked into the bullpen and she immediately stole my attention, everyone and everything became background noise. There was only her in my universe and that was okay by me, it was if she hung the sun, stars and moon herself. And that was the first time I ever say SSA Emily Prentiss.

You'll hear from her chosen family soon enough but as her wife I want to take this opportunity to show you just what the wonderful woman she is. My wife is brilliant and beautiful and a bit of a sarcastic asshole sometimes but that's why we love her. Emily could light the room up just with her smile. But one of my favourite memories were the only time the BAU managed to secure some time off.

On our honeymoon we landed up in this beautiful cottage that stood in the most beautiful forest. A lake running close by, truly my wife thought of everything. Often we'd sit by the lake, picnic food and a lovely book, surrounded by nature. Something about environment soothed my wife and it was one of the times I've seen a true smile on her face.

One blissful afternoon I noticed some of the most beautiful little flowers blooming near by, so after collecting them I rejoined my wife as she laid her head in my lap reading out loud. You couldn't help but run your fingers delicately through her raven curls. Pulling the strands into a beautiful braid as you both basked in the newly wed glow. You began to wove those beautiful flowers into her braid before dropping a kiss to her head, "I love you Prentiss" you mumbled against her hair only to be met with a reply, "and I you Mrs Prentiss."

You couldn't help your hands shaking and the tears falling down your cheeks at the memories of her. "Her family who are here today, four of which carried her coffin in this church today, will never truly know how much they mean to my wife, and to me. You guys are the family we both wish we had, and I know Emily would want me to tell you all these individual things, Reid, you're far too precious for this earth, Morgan, go flirt with some Halloween honey. Rossi, papa you showed me what love truly is and how many wives is it again?" Which earned a small chuckle, "Hotch, you lead the family with the bravest heart look after my girl Hotch, she'll say she's fine don't let her do something dumb." "JJ, my best friend please don't let Henry and Michael forget about Aunty Em, and that bubba you're pregnant with, yes I know." "Garcia, pg, you are uniquely beautiful and talented in your own right, never lose that spark, and finally to my daring wife Y/n, I love you more than words can say and i hope you know I want you to live and love and carry on, I'll always be with you Angel."

You're own sobs broke off your words with JJ and Rossi having to come and hold you up. "My dearest Emi, I love you so much come back to me please. Come back to the woods with the flowers, they bed where we tangled our limbs in a tickle fight, to Sergio and stop me feeding him the food he's not meant to have, please Emily, I don't know how I can carry on without you."

The team each game up to share a few words and soon enough the guests left and you sat by your wife's plot. The empty bottle of pills lay in the dirt as you laid yourself down, "Gnight em, I'm coming" you whimpered as your heart packed up and life left your body. You'd always be together in this life and the next.

Word count~ 726

[luthqrs]

EMILY PRENTISS in THE RED TANK in CRIMINAL MINDS 3x03 | 'Scared to Death'

[lenakluthor]

"We are stronger than anyone– anyone– gives us credit for."

[theunholyvirginemilyprentiss]

SPENCER: We’ve officially profiled all active serial killers. What now?

EMILY: Now? *takes out a gun and a bible* Now, we profile God.

[wistfulwatcher]

It just takes, and takes, and takes.

[ssa-neeks-prentiss]

Everything I wasn't

Whumptober : Day Two!

BAU!team x underappreciated!reader. Mentions of Emily Prentiss x reader

Tw: Character death, feelings of loneliness, being taken advantage of.

Word count : 1.3k

Summary : You always loved them more than they loved you. And it would be the death of you.

Strauss had warned you that it would take a while for the team to get used to you. And you understood that. But you didn't account for the fact that you were still an outsider even after a year. You shrugged it off at first that it was trust issues. You had the same.

But when you were stood there, in the rain, you knew that was not the case. You were stood outside a window. A window to a restaurant to be exact. And sat inside was the team. The team and Alex. She had been there for a week at most and they already trusted her. What did she have that you didn't? Oh. Right.

She was everything you weren't. You weren't dumb but you weren't exactly smart. Not as smart as Alex at least. You had wanted to be a part of this small family. It was what you had wished for since you heard of it. And you saw it. Their tight knit family.

A family Alex was immediately accepted into while you weren't. You couldn't blame her though. She was smart, pretty and did her job a lot better than you did. But you couldn't help but feel jealous.

The envy ate you whole as you watched them. You just stood in the window watching them. Your eyes darkened with envy. You were tired of doing everything you could to fit in. So you stopped trying.

It was the small things at first. Soon, there was no coffee left and no one restocked. And not long after, Emily and Spencer found there were no longer song lyrics on post-it-notes arriving at their desk in the morning. Penelope found that she no longer had any sticky notes left, the ones that were always restocked at the start of the month. And then it turned to larger things.

You didn't input as much, only doing so if it was needed. Not like anyone listened to you anyways, all they did was hear you, ignore you, suggest your idea, get praised for it. And they found that a case that would normally take three days took a week. And no one knew what was wrong. They all blamed it on everyone's tiredness. You almost laughed at that. Of course it was.

You always knew that you were going to die because you let them take advantage of you. But it was a habit you could never let go. You felt weird leaving them so you picked up all of the habits again. The ones you swore you would never do again.

There was one case. They had found the unsub. But what they didn't account for was there being two unsubs. So when one appeared behind them and you heard the ringing of the gun. You knew what to do.

You snapped around and ran. Not away like most would think. But to Emily. She was going to get shot. But you had forgotten. You were tired both physically and mentally. You were so tired you had forgotten to put a vest on. Yet so did the rest of the team.

And as you ran. You knew. It was either yourself or Emily. And you would choose Emily every damn time. It was the same if it was any member of the team, Hotch or you? You would pick Hotch. Spence or you? Spence. It was as easy as lifting a feather. It was almost reflex. You would pick everyone but yourself.

And as you pushed Emily aside. As she turned to shout as you. As the bullet hit you. As Emily's shout of anger turned to shouts of desperation. You smiled.

"You don't know what you have until it's gone."

Famous last words. Sure. But Emily blamed herself. Maybe if she had made sure everyone had a vest on, this wouldn't have happened. But your words rang in her ears. As the light left your eyes, it rang through her mind. You don't know what you have until it's gone.

No one ever knows what they have until it was gone.

They realized that after you were gone.

They realized why the coffee was always ordered, why their files were done in the morning, why there was always their favourite snacks in the break room.

But they realized all too late. They didn't realize. Not until your desk was empty. Not until your funeral came and passed. Not until your face was framed on the wall of deaths.

They all thought of what they could've done.

Penelope cried. Maybe if she had researched into it more, she would've noticed another person so similar to the one before.

Aaron felt himself crumble. Maybe if he had remembered to get everyone to wear vests. Maybe you would still be alive.

Spencer was solemn. Maybe if he had noticed the traits of two unsubs. Maybe if he saw what he so obviously saw now before, you wouldn't be dead.

Rossi was stressed. Maybe if he had invited you to a few more dinners. You would've fell with Emily. You wouldn't have been killed.

Derek was aggressive. Maybe if he had noticed the second unsub before the gun rang, you wouldn't have had to push Emily out of the way.

Emily. And Emily blamed herself. Maybe if she had moved when the gun rang out. Maybe if she had grabbed you to fall with her. Maybe if she wasn't so dense, you would still be alive.

The team was.. Different. New agents had come and gone. None of them stayed. None of them were you.

None of them would make sure Penelope had little post it notes. None of them knew how much she liked to doodle on them when she was researching.

None of them took Hotch's paperwork so that he could go to his son, Jack, earlier. None of them asked how Jack was. Jack didn't ask where his favourite agent was now.

None would pick up Spencer's rambles and show they were listening by asking questions. None of them bothered to listen past the information needed. None of them gave Spencer little things during the day for him to research about when he finished his paperwork.

None of them put recipes on Rossi's desk. None of them asked how his daughter, Joy, was. Hell, none of them knew who Joy was!

None of them made teasing jokes with Derek. None of them had the same humor as Derek. None of them would make fun of his past as he did with you.

And.. None of them loved Emily like you did. None of them asked how she was when she went silent. None of them would smile at Emily and ask her about her interests. None of them gave her a shoulder to cry on.

None of them were you. None of them made sure they slept on the jet. None of them brought in small pastries after a bad case.

None of them had loved like you did. And that was why no one lasted. Their grief had taken over. It was different than when Emily had 'died' because Emily was shown care and love throughout her experience in the team.

While you..

While you were taken advantage of. While you weren't accepted into the family they had made early enough. While they didn't love you like you loved them. You always had a lot of love to give and you gave it to them. You gave it them a lot. But they never gave anything in return. They hadn't even given you a chance. Not a single chance.

You had given your love to people who didn't deserve it. You had given your love to people who didn't appreciate it. And you had died because of it.

They thought of the things they could've done. That they should've. But it was too late. You were gone. And it was their fault.

But you knew. It was like a curse. You could never love someone equally. You would always love them so much more than they do you.

[frankiebirds]

the contrast between emily and reid in 2x17 and 3x03 has me on the floor.

he listens this time. he doesn't get too defensive, (just normal reid defensive. baby steps). and then we have emily bringing up his dad, specifically information that we haven't heard before (that he's blocked out most of his memories of him), which implies that reid has opened up to her about it offscreen. to me, that also suggests it was in a way he hasn't with the rest of the team.

(if i had to guess at how that went down: sometime post 2x18 reid apologised to emily for the way he treated her, and brought up his abandonment issues as being part of the reason. then either one thing led to another and he was opening up about it, or emily asked him about it later and he told her, maybe because he felt like he owed her honesty after reacting to her concern with such hostility)

this probably isnt very coherent and i might come back to it later but the development of their friendship is so so important to me.

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

cowboy!reader not making it in time to save a victim

- 🦦

Description: Cowboy doesn't make it in time...

Warnings: Death, death of children and a parent, shock, blood, mentions of a shelter/homelessness.

A/N: I'm really sorry about this

Taglist: @xweirdo101x @xdark-acadamiax @ara-a-bird @heidss @chubbyboyinflannel @pendragon-writes @migwayne @bigolgay @technikerin23 @supercriminalbean @honestlycasualarcade @caffeine-mess @1s3v3n1 @oddmiles @kevyeen @stealing-kneecaps @criminalskies @woodandwaxwings @wizardmon3 @aphroditeslovr @ducks118 @azeal-peal @13thdoctor-run @introvertpan84 @goth-boi-atlas @iliketozoneout @chaosofmanyfandoms @logicalhorror @luvfornick @prmsn-17 @pinxeajin

You fell to your knees, next to the bodies. Ignoring the feeling of blood slowly soaking into your trousers.

"It was all for nothing." Your gaze stuck on the lifeless corpse. "I didn't- I couldn't get here in time..."

"(Y/N)?" You hum quietly in acknowledgement, but you don't look away. You can't. You can't because you caused this, this was your fault, you didn't get here in time, you didn't save them. The least you could do was look at them.

"I'm sorry," You whispered, your hands hovering above them. "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry,"

You reach closer, gently fixing their hair. They had been gone for a while, their skin cold to the touch. Nausea gripped at your stomach. It was your fault, you didn't get there in time. You didn't realise they were missing until it was too late.

Swallowing, you reach across, shutting Ava's eyes, trying your best to ignore the blood staining her cheeks. You don't move. Not until the rest of the team get there, and Hotch and Morgan have to practically drag you away.

No one says anything, but you can sense the confusion in the room. Morgan leads you to the ambulance. You can't really hear anything, just a high pitch ringing. You watch Morgan's mouth move, but you can't hear a thing.

They force you into the ambulance, wrapping a blanket around you. You look up at Hotch, hands trembling ever so slightly.

"They're gone?" You ask. When Hotch nods, you swallow, looking down your hands.

Hotch and JJ exchange a look, before Hotch gives her a small nod and the rest of the team step back, leaving you and her.

"It's not your fault," she says, sitting next to you, taking you softly into her arms.

"It is, yes it is, it is." You said, bringing your hands up to cover your eyes. "I'm sorry,"

"You don't have anything to be sorry about, (Y/N)," She mumbles softly, threading her fingers through your hair.

You slowly turn, letting your head rest in the crook of her neck.

You let yourself take a few more minutes, just a few minutes of vulnerability before you gather yourself. You reluctantly move away from JJ, wiping your eyes and taking a deep breath. She watches you closely as you shrug off the blanket and stand, following you as you head over to the team.

"Ava, Phoebe, and Sarah." You say, swallowing heavily. "The youngest is Ava, the teen is Phoebe and that's- that's their mother, Sarah. I don't know their last names."

"You know them?" Hotch asks.

You furrow your eyebrows heavily as you stare at the photos, you jerk your head into a nod, "They're-"

My friends.

"They live in the shelter I volunteer at." You say before swallowing, "Where's Phoebe's phone?"

"Phoebe has a phone?" Garcia asked, "There's nothing listed under her name."

"I bought it for her, er an iPhone? I don't know what one, one of the newer ones," You said, swallowing heavily. "I er... Jesus..." You run a hand over your face, trying to pull yourself together.

"Are you alright?" Garcia asks softly, changing the screen so it no longer shows the horrors on the screen.

You take a deep breath before nodding. "Yeah, yeah, 'm okay. I just... 'm okay."

"I think you should sit the rest of this case out," Hotch said, his voice gentle.

"No." You shake your head, "No way in Hell."

"(Y/N)-"

"No, Hotch. I ain't sittin' out." You paused, taking a small breath. "Please don't make me."

"Fine."

[emberfrostlovesloki]

Criminal Minds October Prompt List - whump

Banner by @theshyshewolf

Good evening loves! We made it to October! This is a big deal for me because it marks me being back on Tumblr for a whole year writing for Criminal Minds. Also, very exciting because October means WHUMP, which is my favorite type of fic to write! This prompt list is inspired by the always amazing, @imagining-in-the-margins, who always make the best prompt lists. I won’t write for all of my prompts, but I might for a few. For obvious reasons the theme for this list is whump; however, I’m not a huge no-happy-ending type person, so if you want to take a prompt and give it a happy ending instead of a tragic one, you have my full approval. After all, this list is just to inspire a thought or idea. 

The rules for using these prompts are that there are no rules! You could use any Criminal Minds characters, OCs, reader inserts, etc. You could draw, write, make mood boards, or imagine anything else. I have included 30 prompts for each day of the month. I also added some character/episode-specific prompts too. If any of these prompts inspire you to create, I’d love to be tagged to see what you have made. This is all just for fun. I wish everyone a great start to the month. Please know I’m proud of you wherever you are right now - Love Levi ❤️

You can find all the prompts below the cut [also, please read the tags to avoid any triggering content in the prompts.] 

General Prompts

Character A tells character B they are no longer in love with them. 

Character A dies from their injuries on a case and makes a last confession to character B. 

Character A is forced to kill Character B due to the case/revenge etc. 

Character A wants to apologize to Character B, but they don’t get the chance. 

Character A suffers from an ED and gets hospitalized for it, risking their job. 

A case where one of the team gets psychologically tortured. 

A member of the team gets partially/fully paralyzed. 

Character A loses a pet they have had since childhood. 

Character A’s home/apartment gets targeted and is burned down. They end up losing everything important to them. 

Character A goes on a date and ends up humiliated (Character B comforts them after.) 

Character A who has claustrophobia ends up buried alive. 

Someone close to Character A becomes financially ruined, so Character A has to give up much of their savings putting them in a hard place. 

Character A has decided to adopt, but at the last minute, the birth mother decides to keep the child. 

Fic related to child/pregnancy loss. 

Character A falls into drug psychosis and relives the worst day of their life over and over again.  

Character A repeatedly dreams of Character B dying and one day it happens like they had dreamed. 

Character A is in the park when a dog comes up to them, Character B is running around looking for their lost dog when they find their dog with a pretty stranger. 

Character A who has hemophobia gets stabbed and has to deal with the wounds while waiting for help. 

Fic with a clown killer/fear of clowns. 

Character A realizes their patriotism was all misplaced and they’d been living a lie. 

A therapist unsub takes on a BAU member as a client and slowly starts tormenting them about their choices. 

Character A comes out to their friends/family and they face backlash (but they find their chosen family in the end.)  

Characters A realizes that they are starting to think more and more like an unsub. 

Character A has been working on a year-long project, but a rival ends up ruining it the day before it is due. 

Due to a misunderstanding, a child goes “no contact” with their parent, Character A. 

Character A has a nervous tick and is rudely told to stop doing it in the office/precinct/school.  

Character A has trichotillomania and worries about what people will think about their hair loss. 

Character A fails an important test, putting their degree/career/goals another year away. 

Somedays for Character A life just doesn’t feel worth continuing. 

Character A realizes their hero, Character B is a terrible person. 

Sad/scary Halloween fic. 

Character Specific Prompts

Hotch: S5 E9 100 - Aaron dies instead of Haley 

Spencer: S2 E15 Revelations - JJ gets captured by Tobias instead of Reid

Penelope: S3 E9 Penelope - Garcia ends up not making it to the hospital 

Emily S6 E 18 Lauren - After the trauma she’s been through Emily decides she can’t keep working at the BAU and has to tell Hotch. 

Derek: S2 E15 Revelations - Spencer ends up dying and Derek finds his body. 

Rossi: Describe a time that Rossi found out one of his ex-wives/wives have passed Away. 

List of Phobias for Inspo (some of these could be for CM kids). 

Acrophobia 

Astraphobia 

Nyctophobia 

Phasmaphobia 

Lockiophobia 

Erotophobia

CM whump Mood board below

Text Break Banner (above) @cafekitsune

Photo Credits

Top: Left (@anjukaji) Center (@kathrynmh) Right (@anjukaji)

Middle: Left (@rsier) Center (@leftoverenvy) Right (@d-iorpjm)

Bottom: Left (@anjukaji) Center (@reidgif) Right (@anjukaji)

[tobbotobbs]

Hope you are having a good day/night

I was wondering if I could request the BAU Team x Male reader, the team know nothing of reader childhood. One day while the team are on a case the meet reader's father, who reader thought was in jail. His father has come by asking for help because he's gotten in trouble.

If you want you can also make him the unsub

(Side note reader and his father travled around alot and reader was homeschooled because his father was always in trouble with the law)

Thanks for the request! I like this! Well, let's see how this goes, I hope it meets your expectations and that you like it! Enjoy (:

"Ain't Nobody Love You Like I Do"

The Silence haunted their hotel rooms. The whole BAU Team had headed straight to Texas after receiving the call from Strauss. An Unsub who kills teenagers of any age, sex, looks and home situations. And that repeatedly in just 4 days. This unsub was growing confident, too confident. They had to act fast and this is how they all got their ready to go bags and flew to texas. Penelope, of course, stayed behind in her bat cave because she firstly didn't want to see all the gross, creepy and gruesume shut going on over there and she wouldn't be much help anyway. This lead them to now. All sitting in their own hotel room shared with a second person.

The whole situation made M/n uncomfortable. Not only were they in the last country he saw his father, but also they were close to one of his old hometowns. The traveling part of his childhood only made him glad that he now had no fear of flying or new places. But he, by any means, didn't miss any of the places, hometowns, let alone his past life. He gladly moved on from it, or at least tried with his therapist. Her name was Ginerva and she was an elderly woman, who had an obscene love for knitted sweaters and strawberry cheesecake. She truly was a sweet being. And helping him she did. A lot so. But still, the nightmares and the memories clawing on the back of his mind are not fully fanished yet. They probably never will. At least that's what Ginerva tells M/n all the time when he gets frustrated with his progress or more the lack of it. The truth is, he knew he wouldn't get rid of it. And he would be damned for all eternity.

Getting roughly pulled out if his thoughts, M/n looked confused at the big calloused hand that was suddenly in front of his eyes. Y/f/s was in it's palm and waited to be taken by him. ,,You looked like you needed a snack there...so I looked if the vending machine had any of your favorites. They did actually, and I got myself something too!", chirped Spencer's enthusiastic voice as he looked at M/n. Thanking him, the h/c took the snack and started slowly nibbling and chewing on it. That cought Spencer's eyes and he, unconsciously, started thinking about M/n and how he often seemed to be in thoughts, but since this case he seemed to be doing that quite more often. Why is that, though? That is a really good question. It's not like the Team never questioned the behaviour of anyone on their own Team, but even then it's only because someone had a stressful day or because a case got to theor head a little too much. With M/n it was different. They never heard him say anything about his past.

It's not uncommon to keep a few things private and to yourself. But even then the Team knew more about eachother than they knew about M/n. They just knew his age, where he grew up, how good his scores for the FBI were and that he has a small apartment with literally nothing but the necessary stuff in it. And that he was not a morning person. He told noone anything. No past school life, no past accidents, no family, nothing. It made them all eager to find out, what their colleague and good friend had to hide from them. More than one bet about M/n's past life had been put upon between the work family but neither one nor lost because there simply was no answer to what they put their bets on. It's like he was some protagonist in a book, that had the worst tragic backstory and did anything to keep it hidden from their friends.

Actually....that wasn't that far off, now that Spencer thought about it. Surely it wasn't that bad though, right?

Little Timeskip to next day

Hotch had called them all. After a sleepless night he head out first in the early morning to the police station. He went over all the facts they had, the interviews they did and the stocked files on the tables. But he seemed to be finding nothing. They didn't even had a clue what gender the unsub might be. Which could help a lot already but here they were, all summoned by their boss and now together sitting or standing in the makeshift conference room for the profilers the department provided for them. ,,The unsub killed again. This morning. Two deputies are at the crime scene and already investigating the place and body. Let’s move and see if we can figure something out, now that we have another body“, scowled Hotch before they all went to the cars to drive to their destination.

M/n sat in the driver's seat and tapped nervously against the wheel while waiting for the lights to turn green. Next to him sat JJ, who was talking to Morgan in the back seat. They were fussing about ideas and theories about their unkown suspect meanwhile M/n tried not to groan in annoyance. ,,What if there are actually two suspects? And we saw this whole thing wrong? It could be a team...maybe two teenager who got bullied and decided to stop it?", ,,Sounds possible but...for that the killings looked way to planned. And the bodies we found till now were all nearly perfectly cut open. This person must be older and already have had a lot of time to practice their cuts", M/n cut in. Morgan shook his head yes, he knew his theory wasn't that good but now after hearing what M/n had to say, it seemed as if his theory was very dumb.

,,So...we are looking for an adult? Perhaps a parent? Or a local teacher?", questioned JJ curious. The other two hummed acknowledging, but soon M/n was again deep in thoughts about his time when he was a child. He never had a teacher. Or even a school to go to. He was teacher at home by his father. Wasn't really that interesting but at least he learned a lot of things without getting disturbed by any classmates or unnecessary things like breaks. No he learned a lot and only the important stuff. No breaks between learning hours, only when his father wasn't home to do his "job" or when they were on their way to a new country, town, whatever to start a new life again.

Hotch was already standing over a piece of white cloth on the floor, most likely the dead body, at least that's what the three thought as they exit the car and walk over to the others. That's when they notice the other 7 white cloth, far away from the one Hotch and Prentiss were standing next to. ,,Shit...are those the-", ,,Other parts of this kids body? Yes. And all cut off clean like the Bastard knew exactly what he or she was doing", one of the police officers said while looking disgusted at the ground. Derek nodded and wolked over to Reid, who was looking at one of the body pieces more far away from the body than the others. M/n took a look at the body part Hotch and Prentiss were hovering over. Trying to look for some clues or something that could get them somewhere.

Carefully he pulled up the white cloth when the first thing he saw was a torso. But it wasn't the torso that caught him off guard and distraught him. It was the sigil carved into the the hip on the right side. A big triangle but with no connecting ends and in the middle were two dots and a line. Kinda looked like a smiley somehow but it wasn't exactly that. To be honest, M/n never really knew what it meant. His father never taught or told him anything about his sigils and symbols. He never talked about his job either. Only on the day cops stood infront of their house and M/n got taken into foster home care. Wandering from one family to the next till he was off age. He was a criminal, a Bastard who beat his son and never let him live a happy childhood like live. He was taught how to hide bodies and get rid of evidence without him knowing at that young age. And when he was old enough his father started doing things to him he thought would only happen in books or tv shows.

At the sight of the sigil the right sight above his hip bone started to hurt. He knew it wasn't real, wasn't fresh. It's only a faded scar now, but it still felt like it was carved into his skin just moments ago. He hadn't even noticed his trembling hands until someone took him by them and pulled him up on his feet. ,,M/n? Are you with me? Hey what's wrong? M/n?", breathed his boss cautiously. A short quick nod did the job to calm the older male for now, but he was still going to question the agent later. That is, if another person didn't beat him to it. Everyine seemed to be worried since a few days now. About M/n and his behaviour. Since they got here he just seemed to not be with them anymore. Mentally that is.

A few hours went by, they were sitting in the hotel lobby together, not going to sleep yet. They finally had some kind of profile for the unsub. They were all sure that this person was between his 45 and 50 and at least someone with a travel job. Or something like that. While they discussed all this M/n didn't mention his knowledge about the sigil once. He just sat there thinking, again, about his younger years and his father. Specifically about the day he had marked M/n with a fucking hunting knife. His side hurt again and he made a little hissing sound which caught everyone's attention. ,,You okay there kiddo?", Rossi asked concerned and put a hand on M/n's shoulder. ,,Uh yeah yeah just tired of the day. I'll head to bed now I guess...see you guys in the morning!", he blabbered in a fake happy but tired voice and stood up, on his way to the hotel room he shared with Reid.

He was walking around the house, bored out of his mind because he had no friends to see and play with and they certainly did not have enough money to get him a console to play some video games. They needed it to be able to travel fast and far if something happened again because his father was shit at keeping the cops away. His steps led him onto their little porch right before their small garden. At the end of the small grass field there was a little cabin for stuff like bikes and screws and gardening stuff. But as M/n looked closer through the yellowish old dusty windows, he saw something walking around in the cabin. Curious he walked over to the tiny house. As he got closer, the sound of hushed voices inside could be heard getting clearer and clearer. One was very deep and raspy, as if the person had smoked their whole life and the other...wasn't really what he had expected. It was his voice. Crying and yelling. Confused and slightly scared M/n took a look through the window.

Then he saw it. His father standing over him. He was cuffed to a table, his shirt gone while the older man searched for something. He quickly found it. His hunting knife. It wasn't big, but very handy. And very clean. As if M/n's father would put extra work into cleaning it just so the blade would shine and reflect his gruesome grinning face in it. ,,D-Dad just please stop please!!!", screamed the younger version of the now 25 year old man. He cried and tried to get out of the cuffs but he only hurt himself while trying to do so. M/n felt how the cuffs felt around his wrists, even though he was standing out here at the window and wasn't laying on the table right now. As if on clue, he felt the sharp tip of a blade being pressed into his flesh. Screaming he held his side and saw blood seeping through the light shirt he was wearing. He looked forward to the window again and saw how the young boy screamed and went unconscious after a while, too much pain he had to fight that he just blacket out.

With a slight jolt he woke up. Groaning he turned to the side and looked at the clock standing there on the bedside table. The first thing he noticed was the time. 05:45 in the morning. If he would fall back asleep he surely would miss the breakfast and would get late to work. So M/n decided to get up and take a walk. His thoughts didn't leave him alone. Not even as he showered and got ready, or when he saw the texts he got from Penelope. No, not even as he walked through the town and sat in a Café getting hus breakfast and waiting till it was time to go to the station. When he finally got there Hotch and the others had looked weirdly at him. First he didn't understand why. Then he saw it. The old greying man in the police station. His father. He was smirking and waving. But before he could do anything that Bastard already started talking.

,,My boy, I really hope I'm not disturbing you right now, but your old man needs a little help with his job", he taunts him with that mischievous smirk. He knew exactly that he had no job but that he killed teenagers just for the fun of it. And M/n knew it too. And it scared him, that he knew his own father could do that, did that and will keep doing it. ,,I thought you were....how the fuck did you get out of there?!", ,,Now now, no need to get so angry with me M/n. Don't scream at your father. Or do I have to remind you that nobody loves you like I do?", mocking him with the same sentence he said back when he carved that stupid sigil in his own childs body. Ain't nobody love you like I do. This is so fucked up. Hus hands started to tremble, his thoughts getting the hand of him and suddenly he couldn't speak no more. He suddenly was the little 10 year old back in the cabin again.

Hitch and the others had profiled F/n long ago. They knew he fitted perfectly into their profile and now, that they saw how M/n reacted to his own father, the words they both used. It seemed as if Spencer's theory of the protagonist with the traumatic backstory wasn't that far off at all. No it actually hit it right on the spot. M/n was a traumatized child. His childhood held anything but happy memories and that's why he never talked about it.

,,Now look at that. You can't even talk back to me now even though you play the big bad FBI agent that you surely are son right? Never told them a single thing about you huh? No wonder they seem shocked now. Wouldn't have thought you'd be such a fucking baby and crying just because of a few stupid word!", he spit those sentences with so much disgust and rage into his sons face, the younger one actually got scared and took a step back. ,,Alright that's it. F/n you come with me and we will talk about what exactly you need help with", Hotch pushed the old man away and into an interrogation room to make him confess. He was 100% sure that this was their unsub. And it only got more and more clearer when F/n started to do the exact same things their profile had told them.

After a few minutes M/n was with them again, but he was still shaking and his side hurt. It hurt with every thought of his father. Derek noticed hus wincing and whining and how he held his side so he got worried. ,,M/n did he do something? Why does your side hurt? Let me take a-", ,,No! No no it's fine don't worry it's- fuck!", M/n didn't even know why it hurt. Yeah he knew about phantom pain, but surely it wouldn't come at the exact same time his father was here, or? Well it didn't matter because in just a few seconds Morgan took a step forward and pulled his shirt uo to inspect. What he saw was sad and gruesome. Rossi and Prentiss both sucked in some air while JJ and Spencer tried to stifle their sad noises. On M/n's right side just above the hip bone you could see a big slightly dark red scar in the shape of the same sigil the last bodie had. It was M/n's father who killed those children. It was F/n who started doing the same torture on his own son when he was just a little child. It made M/n tear up again but this time, there were people who hugged him and showed him that it was okay to cry.

Oh Ginerva had to take a few free days so M/n could talk to her about a lot of things. And a lot of things he would tell her surely, but not only her. He decided it was time for his team to finally get to know him better, meanwhile his father could rot in hell.

I Hope it was to your liking and I hopefully didn't got too lost somewhere in the middle of writing! See you guys in the next post (:

[marril96]

Criminal Minds 3.03 | Scared to Death

[luthqrs]

EMILY PRENTISS in CRIMINAL MINDS 3x03 | 'Scared to Death'

[blububbie]

the only thing stopping me from writing the most ELOQUENT piece of criminal minds fanfiction in history is the fact that I cannot physically bring myself to type the word 'babygirl' in a single line of dialogue

[isagrimorie]

Criminal Minds 5x11 - Retaliation

"Look at her. She's pissed. Look at that look in her eyes. She's got it. She is gonna do it."