#incorrect criminal mind quotes

[supercriminalbean]

Emily: see I won't come to your funeral because you won't be alive to come to mine.

Derek: Even if I was alive I wouldn't go, I've already been once I don't need to go again.

Emily: ...

Emily: Fair point, that means I owe you a funeral.

[patrickispinky]

Derek: are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

Emily: i'm the knife

Jj: *from across the room* she's the little spoon

[whoisspence]

kidnapper: i have your child

hotch: which one i have five

kidnapper: the annoying one who won't shut the fuck up

hotch:

hotch: which one i have five

[scarlettjemily]

The bau doing the trauma candy salad trend

JJ: hi i’m jj and i was kidnapped and tortured and i brought m&ms

Emily: hi i’m emily and i was kidnapped and tortured and i brought m&ms

Spencer: hi i’m spencer and I was kidnapped and tortured and i brought m&ms

Hotch: hi i’m aaron and I was kidnapped and tortured and i brought m&ms

Morgan: hi i’m derek and I was kidnapped and tortured and i brought m&ms

Rossi: hi i’m david and I was kidnapped and tortured and i brought m&ms

Garcia: hi i’m penelope and I was kidnapped and tortured and i brought m&ms

Tara: … what the fuck

[sweatervest-obsessed]

Y/n: see how Garcia brought the shots back to the table?

Prentiss: very thoughtful.

JJ: very demure.

Morgan: what the fuck—

*hotch arrives*

Garcia: see how Hotch was late?

Prentiss: not very mindful.

Reid: not demure.

[theunholyvirginemilyprentiss]

UNKNOWN NUMBER: We have your child.

HOTCH: Which one? Emily? Spencer? Derek? What are your demands?

UNKNOWN NUMBER: No, Jack. It’s the daycare. We’re closing soon. Please come get your son.

[annmaximoff18]

Spencer: did you know that pigs

Derek: no reid, no one wants to hear about pigs

Spencer: .....

Y/N: the pigs what?

Spencer: What?

Y/N: about the pigs, I want to listen to you

[sarcasm-and-stiles]

Derek: Those pants look great Y/N

Y/N: Thanks!

Derek: I bet they would look even better on Spencer’s floor

Spencer: Are you hitting on Y/N…for me?

[vervainariadne]

Strauss: You need to hire a professional tech analyst for your team.

Hotch: *sees a scented homemade pink stationery resume written in glitter ink*

Hotch:

Hotch: That one. I want that one.

[spencestiel-michelle]

*the BAU team noticing Y/n and Spencer Reid*

Emily: hey- Derek. look at how close they’re standing. 

Garcia: they’re practically breathing the same oxygen. 

Derek scoffs: that kid’s got nerve. yesterday he literally took a whole step away from me when I stood too close to him- went on about something like germs in the air or whatever. 

Garcia: yeah, well, my love, you are not Y/n. 

[supercriminalbean]

Hotch: Prentiss, Reid, mental health check?

Reid: Checked, still there.

Hotch: That's no what I...

Prentiss: Still there but still here

Reid: *Highfives Emily*

Hotch: Double therapy for you.

[starch1ldz]

Y/n: no one actually thinks me and Spencer are dating.

Emily: Raise your hand if you think Spencer and Y/n are dating

The entire team including Spencer raising their hands.

Y/n: Spencer Walter Reid put your hand down.

[incorrectbatfam]

Jason: *points gun at Bruce*

Bruce: I don't believe in guns.

Jason: Well, trust me, they're very real.

[whoisspence]

hotch: why is morgan crying in the corner?

prentiss: he did one of those "which bau profiler are you" quizzes

hotch: who did he get?

reid: ...me

[incorrect-ralvez]

Derek, at Emily's funeral: I need a moment with her.

Everyone: Of course.

Derek, leaning over Emily′s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead.

Emily: No comment

[velvetwilde]

Who the fuck he think he is to be this damn hot?