#ellis ivers

[silverstellatus]

Working on sketching out some side character designs for spectrecide using my own personal base... they're all bound to be altered and they obv still need actual reference drawings that werent made w a base but. happy to just get something down for them ajkldfhls!

Featuring: emo grocery store employee, "will frame you for murder" detective, and detective who was not emotionally prepared to deal with a serial killer

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 06/01/2024 (Sabrina Carpenter, Saltburn)

Content warning: Discussion of the Astroworld Festival crowd crush and brief sex references

It’s that time of year again, where all the Christmas songs flush out - no, I’m not going to list all of them as dropouts - and we get a rush of songs gaining or returning with extraordinarily high peaks at extraordinarily high rates because hey, that’s just how the chart is on the first week of January. It’s usually one of my most work-heavy episodes, but also because of the incredibly low barrier for entry on a first-week-of-January chart, it ends up pretty fun and kind of goofy sometimes, so this is actually a pretty exciting week for me, even if this episode will be lengthy to write. Regardless, Noah Kahan gets his first ever week at #1 with “Stick Season”, and welcome back to 2024’s REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

Now, it would be really easy - and also really tedious of me - to just list all of the songs in the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, and you know, I considered doing that, but I think I’m going to be quite subjective and selective here, especially given there are less debuts this week than I expected. Just know that the vast majority of Christmas songs are no longer charting and have been replaced with, for the most part, songs that were charting in the last couple weeks. I will not be listing every return, but I will list songs that have returned to new peaks or songs that I just think are interesting or strange, including songs that haven’t charted in a while or have fascinating stories, or are just goofy little novelties of the January week, and we actually start dead-on at #75 with those.

“Take on Me” by a-ha is back. The Swedish band peaked at #2 with this track, blocked off the top by “The Power of Love” by Jennifer Rush, in 1985, and a largely inferior boy band cover by A1 spent a week at #1 in 2000 because the world isn’t fair. We actually see another #2-peaking classic pop song return to the charts this week… at #8. So - spoiler alert, even though I haven’t seen it either - the film Saltburn which was widely released a few weeks ago ends with “Murder on the Dancefloor” by Sophie Ellis-Bextor, and naturally TikTokers have Kate Bushed it to streaming success. Now you may be interested in how this song debuted at #2 in 2001 and spent two weeks there behind “Gotta Get Thru This” by Daniel Bedingfield (hot take: better song), or that this is Ellis-Bextor’s first time charting since 2014 - “Young Blood” peaked at #34 - but I’m personally more inclined to welcome the return of the man, the myth, the legend Gregg Alexander, who co-wrote and produced the song, to the top 10. Welcome back, king. Also, “Baby Shark” is at #47.

Then we just have the re-entries that reached new peaks, which is a few: “Evergreen” by Richy Mitch & the Coal Miners at #50, “FTCU” and “Pink Friday Girls” by Nicki Minaj at #41 and #30, as well as “Everybody” featuring Lil Uzi Vert at #26, “Body Moving” by Eliza Rose and Calvin Harris at #38 - still really disappointed by that one, “Surround Sound” by JID featuring 21 Savage and Baby Tate at #35, “Runaway” by Ye featuring Pusha T at #23, “One of the Girls” by The Weeknd, JENNIE and Lily-Rose Depp at #21, and of course, the GOAT, Paul Russell back at #20 with “Lil Boo Thang”, then “I Remember Everything” by Zach Bryan featuring Kacey Musgraves at #16, “On My Love” by Zara Larsson and David Guetta at #15 and “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims at #14.

As for our gains, I’m also just going to list the new peaks, as we have “Entrapreneur” by Central Cee at #36, “leavemalone” by Fred again.. and Baby Keem at #11, “Rich Baby Daddy” by Drake featuring SZA and Sexyy Red at #10 (Sexyy’s first top 10… maybe I should just call her Red), and, to my pleasant surprise, “DNA (Loving You)” by Billy Gillies featuirng Hannah Boleyn at #9. When you factor in that “Water” and “Houdini” are also here, this latter half of the top 10 is fantastic.

Then finally, in our top five, which isn’t nearly as good, we have almost a status quo ante bellum, with “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift at #5, “greedy” by Tate McRae at #4, “Prada” by casso, RAYE and D-Block Europe at #3, “Lovin’ on Me” by Jack Harlow at #2 and of course, “Stick Season” at #1. Now we have a smaller than expected but still… curious batch of new entries, so let’s run through whatever we have here.

New Arrivals

#71 - “MY EYES” - Travis Scott

Produced by Travis Scott, Wheezy, WondaGurl, Vegyn, Buddy Ross and Justin Vernon

I’m gently surprised UTOPIA has had this much longevity, especially considering that the album didn’t really have bonafide “hits” on it, and especially not this one: two very different ideas spliced together with possibly Travis’ most introspective bars on the record… all of those being in the second half, because in the first, he wastes our time with such inward-looking gems as “Rollie-Pollie on my wrist” and “I need no beef, no cheese, even when I eat, they cheat”. These are elementary bars. Yeah, I hated this song on release and I hate it still now. The first half is a slog, filtering a perfectly fine The Japanese House sample to compressed nothingness, as Justin Venron of Bon Iver croons incoherently with no leading melody or really any lyrics worth caring about. It perfectly embodies uncertainty, which could perhaps be intriguing if Travis hadn’t confused being abstract for being interesting so you have these arbitrary vocal effects attempting to make up for lack of substance over this drone for as long as he can stall before Sampha comes in for nine seconds more soulful than the other four minutes and change combined… seriously, what a terrible use of your Sampha. It’s not like the flashy synthscape eschewing anything memorable for “vibes” and a stagnant trap skitter after the beat switch … and amidst all the meaningless flexing, comical controlling of women, it gets kind of ugly.

Travis throws out possibly his one explicit line about the Astroworld festival disaster on the album: “I replay them nights and right by my side, all I see is a city of people that ride with me… if they just knew what Scotty would do to jump off a stage and save him a child”… and yeah, I don’t want to start this year off on such a negative note but - go to Hell. The explicitly self-centred nature of these lines and those surrounding it show a complete misunderstanding of the festival’s failures to keep people safe, with Travis wanting to be seen as the “hero”, complete his rags-to-riches story, swoop in and “save him a child” as if he’s Superman, whilst pointing fingers at the unknown “they”, which if it refers to critics is sad and if it refers to those who were at that crowd crush, is utterly despicable. Just after disgracing his critics for not looking at themselves in the mirror, he brags about how he stands on the stage and he gives them “the rage” and there’s “no turning it down”, you “can’t tame it”. But it’s not like it matters to the main character of our story, Travis Scott, because his life is just a movie, and if you lived it, you can’t blink because everything just goes crazy fast. I mean, life would go pretty fast and easy without consequences, wouldn’t it? If we’re looking forward to 2024 in popular music this week, I’m pretty confident that I want to leave this mess, and honestly, Travis Scott as a whole, far in the past.

#65 - “You’re Gonna Go Far” - Noah Kahan

Produced by Noah Kahan and Gabe Simon

Sadly not an Offspring cover, but anyway, I promise the rest of this episode won’t be as… controversial. At least Noah Kahan won’t be, right? Another track from his deluxe reissue of Stick Season, Kahan sings about knowing that letting this person leave is for the best, and they’ll go far without him and his sticks tying them down. It’s pretty self-loathing in its acoustic frolick, so I completely understand why this would turn people off... but I’m starting to grow fond of Kahan’s voice, and even through his somewhat bitter chorus and seemingly non-sequitur observations in the verses, I still quite like this. What can I say? I’m a human, I find this reassuring, especially with Kahan digging into his falsetto range surprisingly well, including on that mantra of a post-chorus. It’s almost weird how little I have to say for a song nearing five minutes, but it does feel pretty self-explanatory and the folk-rock stammer of the instrumental feels genuinely home-grown, fitting with how the narrative is strung and the connotations of them moving far away from Kahan’s more hapless rural area. At its heart, it’s a “life goes on” song, but one knowledgeable of his own fate that he sets out for himself here, one that by the outro, he seems weary of, or at least convincing himself maybe he should do the same as this person. Though left seemingly vague in terms of what the exact relation is, given some of the verses I can imagine this is about a sibling or, looking into the future, a child leaving the house for education, and it would definitely work out with the context we’re given, but I’m sure there are many interpretations of this. Mine is that the song is great regardless of them. Man, this guy is really uneven, isn’t he?

#63 - “Never Lose Me” - Flo Milli

Produced by gerreaux

So it’s about damn time Flo Milli charted. Even if I’m not a big fan of all of what the Alabama rapper puts out, she’s got a particularly vibrant personality that becomes increasingly obvious when her overdue breakout hit is essentially a remix of Babyface Ray’s “Ron Artest” with 42 Dugg which is still a pretty good song given the incessant yet timeless-sounding vintage soul loop under a trap groove sounding like it splits time between 2000s Dirty South classics and modern plugg bangers. It’s just that when you hear Babyface Ray go on for one exceedingly long verse followed by an… oddly solemn and badly-mixed 42 Dugg performance, you kind of wish Flo Milli was on the beat instead. So she just is, and it works out brilliantly. Sure, Milli isn’t saying much of interest and you could definitely see that chorus as tedious, but she’s just so much more dynamic with her flows and encompasses the mix much more effortlessly than those it was first made for. It’s mostly just about being in love with this street guy, and honestly, I’m probably overrating it when I look at it outside of its context… but man, there’s just something hypnotic about this beat. Now there are two separate remixes that helped this chart, for a little remixception, those being from Bryson Tiller, who I couldn’t imagine on this at all, but delivers very explicit sex bars with a verse that slides much more effectively than I expected… and Lil Yachty, who is such a perfect fit for this beat that I swear I see him on the original intro anyway. In fact, the Lil Yachty version was released on the same day as the original. He says “I’ma snack on your booty like Scooby”, so I think we’ve found a definitive version of “Ron Artest”.

#46 - “Toxic” - Songer

Produced by Songer (supposedly)

When I typed this into Spotify and saw the Britney Spears song of the same name, I had a sinking feeling… and sure enough, my suspicions were proved correct the moment I pressed play on the song and swiftly paused it in disappointment. This is a white guy rapping over the “Toxic” instrumental with flows and bars that sound like a pastiche of drill freestyles, as if he spent a couple weeks researching them and thinks he can do it better. The original “Toxic” spent one week at #1 in 2004 and I am not giving this dignified character-actor  any time of day. Let’s just hope this doesn’t get any higher.

#40 - “Perfect (Exceeder)” - Mason and Princess Superstar

Produced by Mason

Ah, it’s been a while since I’ve been able to say this: who the Hell are these people? And in addition, why does this song have enough versions on Spotify to reach nearly 52 minutes? Also, why is this song from 2007 charting and once again, who the Hell are these people? Okay, so one at a time: this song from 2007 is charting because it was in Saltburn. Also, it technically already charted but we’ll get to that. Secondly, it’s an electro house song, of course it has that many versions. Thirdly, and this will take the longest, Mason is a Dutch DJ active since the 90s who released an instrumental jam “Exceeder” in 2006 and yes, suddenly I know this song all too well, just never by name - I always heard it as background music in ads or on the radio, but never actively listened to it. It’s fun, growling, fidgety fun with a lot of slick edges and refrains, from before electro house got too festival-ready, so it’s still a little dirty. Now here’s where it gets weird - according to the Official Charts Company’s website’s archive, this is the version that charted, peaking at #3 in 2007, behind MIKA’s “Grace Kelly” at #1 - “Starz in Their Eyes” was at #2 by the way, that’s a… trio and a half. Despite this, the article OCC wrote about the song says that this is a re-entry of “Perfect (Exceeder)”, which makes more sense to me since that version was released on Ministry of Sound and is the cover art for the song on the OCC archives, so this probably isn’t a new entry at all. If this song’s story wasn’t so weird, I’d chalk this up as an error and briefly touch upon it in the rundown, but technically, this isn’t a remix, it’s a mashup, and one from 2007, far before I started reviewing, and it was only the 44th biggest song of the UK in 2007 so it’s not like it would have returned naturally so either way you slice it, it FEELS like a new song - stretching the definition of new here - is charting here.

So who’s Princess Superstar? Well, she’s “Pennsylvania’s top female Jewish rapper”. O…kay, so her song “Perfect” from 2005 failed to chart, and it also may be one of the worst songs I’ve ever heard but hey maybe we wouldn’t have… Kreayshawn without this, so maybe I should be grateful. To be fair, she did chart in Australia, so Iggy Azalea can probably attest to being influenced by this. Therefore, I’m not grateful whatsoever. She had a minor chart hit with “Bad Babysitter” in 2002, which is somehow even worse, but someone somewhere decided to mash her failed single “Perfect” with the club jam “Exceeder” and create the malformed “Perfect (Exceeder)”, which is… a song I’ve never heard before. I have only ever heard this instrumental version, and the addition of the Princess Superstar just makes the song genuinely insufferable, at least there was a goofy novelty to the original “Perfect”, this feels like it’s taking itself half-seriously… when nobody should be taking Princess Superstar all too seriously. I don’t know, if this was the original “Exceeder”, I���d probably give it Best of the Week in all honesty, but this weird remix oddity… yeah, keep it in 2007, guys, it even has the gymnastics in the video like “Call on Me”. I don’t think we need to start with a 2024 revival of… whatever this is.

#24 - “Feather” - Sabrina Carpenter

Produced by John Ryan

Well, we started with controversy and we may end with controversy as the scandal surrounding the music video erupted… I’m going to stop pretending like I care. Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” did all this and then some decades ago, let’s just talk about the music which is… utterly serviceable. It’s a good kind of serviceable, it’s not slop, just a Dua Lipa rip-off that doesn’t like filling up space in the mix, or at least isn’t very good at it, and it leads me to like it, bizarrely enough. Despite how breezy she is, she’s desperate to fill up space with riffs and stray melodies filtered with reverb and echo over this vague funk-pop that doesn’t even have the guts to go full disco. I may have more to say about this song as the year goes on? I don’t know, I’m kind of fascinated by how I just… feel sorry for this pathetic little dance-pop song. Weird note to end on, but I mean, she’s hitting all kinds of weird notes so…

Conclusion

Strange week, as is to be expected, with a lot of interesting stories, for the better and for the worse. Okay, mostly for the worse, and Travis Scott nabs Worst of the Week pretty easily for “MY EYES” - sorry, Sampha - and that Songer doofus can get the Dishonourable Mention for his “Toxic” freestyle, I guess, but let’s just ignore that exists. As for the best, it is actually pretty difficult but I think Noah Kahan eases it out here for “You’re Gonna Go Far”, with Flo Milli - and realistically, Lil Yachty - pretty close behind with the Honourable Mention. As for what’s on the horizon… God knows. Welcome to 2024 in pop music, I’m pretty sure anything can happen. Thank you for reading and I’ll see you next week!

[chaotic-theatrical-weaver]

“Easy,” Demi Lovato with Noah Cyrus / “exile,” Taylor Swift, feat. Bon Iver

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

blue butterflies

pairing: jackson! joel miller x reader

cws/tags: 1st person pov joel, angst, discussions of sex trafficking/sexual assault, death, mild smut, au where nothing bad happens between ellie and joel, author has not played tlou 2 yet (donate to kofi lmao), guns, alcohol consumption, light enemies to lovers, cordyceps works different in this one (more predictable and slower-acting)

summary: joel's letter to reader

a/n: i watched the beginning of tlou (joel playing guitar) and it made me cry so hard. so, this is inspired by that, but also i listened to funeral by arcade fire and for emma, forever ago by bon iver while writing this. neighborhood #4 (7 kettles) by arcade fire makes me cry so hard.

wc: 5.7k

taglist: @gothcsz @harriedandharassed @withonly-sweetheart

thank you to @jennaispunk for beta reading/proofreading !

join my taglist | purchase a commission

divider is from @danowh0re

playlist for fic: required listening!!

I thought therapy was a bunch of bullshit - a scam at worst, a waste of my time at best. But, since you left us, Tommy’s been making me go. He keeps saying, ‘it’s what she would’ve wanted’, and I think it is. But, that doesn’t mean I like it. 

My therapist told me if I’m not gonna talk to her about my past, I should at least talk to someone. I told her I’d talk to you, if you were here. She told me it was a good idea, that I should write it out in a letter. She told me I could write to you, or to Sarah, but I figured I’d better write to you ‘cause there’s some things a daughter shouldn’t hear about her dad. Even - especially - the most fun times he’s had. I’ll get to those later. 

Did you know I hated you when we first met? I never told you, but I think you knew. I thought you were a self-important, entitled bitch who acted like she’d been through hell when I knew she hadn’t because of how well-adjusted she seemed. I thought you had some sort of unearned valor. I know that’s not the right way to put it. I think the word I’m looking for is ‘respect’. Tommy, Maria, even Ellie were so quick to respect you when I had to earn it. 

“The reason people don’t like you is because you’re an asshole,” you told me. “You’re fucking scary when you’re mad, too.”

“What’s that saying? It’s better to be feared than to be loved?”

“That’s what Machiavelli said, but that doesn’t mean he’s right.”

I think he was wrong. I was jealous of how much everyone loved you, and they didn’t love me because they feared me. You were so fucking right, and that was one of the things that I hated most about you. 

I used to think about how young you were in comparison to an old man like me, how you were only a little younger than Sarah would’ve been, and how stupid I would’ve felt if Sarah was always outsmarting me. Until I remembered all the times that Sarah did just that, and how much I loved her for it, rather than in spite of it. (Note to self: tell Sarah this in your letter to her). 

That’s not to say I loved you, not yet. I did love you, but I realized that a little later. I had to learn to like you first. 

Do you remember our first day out on patrol together? I begged Tommy to change my schedule. I would rather have spent my time with anyone else in the community -- Hell, I would’ve asked Tommy to give you a day off if it’d get me out of having to work alongside you. 

You overheard me talking to Tommy, and said to me, “You could at least wait until I’m out of earshot to bitch about me, you know?”

“I know,” I said. 

And we didn’t talk for almost the whole shift. Well, I didn’t talk, but you kept on talking, almost like you were talking to yourself. You didn’t even care that I was ignoring you. 

“It’s okay. I don’t like people either.”

“Who says I don’t like people?”

“Your face, your voice, basically your whole demeanor.”

You were so honest, and you had every right to be. It shut me right back up again. I don’t know if that’s what you wanted. Maybe you thought provoking me would make me talk, but I’m a stubborn, old asshole. I don’t think you need me to tell you that.  

“What did I do to piss you off?” You asked, after I gave you what you viewed as the silent treatment, and what I saw as peace and quiet. 

“Nothing. I just think you’re a little bit... egotistical.”

“So are you. You think you know everything.”

“No, but I know more than you. You haven’t got half the experience I have, and believe me, kid, you don’t want it.”

“You’re so melodramatic. And for what? Has the brooding bad boy behavior gotten you laid yet?”

For your information, yes, it had absolutely gotten me laid.  

But before I could tell you that, you stopped me, looked me dead in the eye, and said, “and by the way, you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Tell me, then.”

“Tell you what?”

“About all the horrors you’ve experienced. If I’m so wrong, then prove it.” I challenged you because I thought you wouldn’t be able to come up with anything. I wouldn’t have said that if I’d known what I do now. 

You were so angry that you laughed at me. “Fuck you. You don’t deserve to know shit about me.”

A couple weeks later we knew each other’s whole life stories. I told you more than I’ve ever told anyone else, more than I think I ever will tell anyone else. It started when we got lost in the woods together. We were arguing as usual, and we only got ourselves even more lost. The sun was starting to go down, and I could see it in your eyes - you were getting scared. Maybe, for a second, I took some sort of satisfaction in knowing that you were the one who couldn’t handle it, but I’m still human - it feels a little cruel saying that now - so I wasn’t gonna let you suffer. 

“It’s not gonna do us any good to keep arguing, so can we agree to drop it?”

“Truce,” you said, holding out your hand, and when I shook it, you added, “but let it be known that you surrendered.”

“Don’t push it. You know if we stay out here long enough that we have to resort to eating each other’s flesh, you’re gonna be my dinner, not the other way around.”

“I hope I taste good.” 

You did, baby. You’re the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted. 

I think we had our first date that night. Sort of. It was late when we got back. Most people were asleep, and the bar was closed, but you had the key. 

“Tommy gave you a spare key?”

“Uh-huh. I assumed you had one too, but I guess I’m the favorite.”

“You’re prettier than me. Of course, you are.” 

I still can’t believe I said that -- I wasn’t even drinking yet. I can be a real idiot when I’m talking to a beautiful woman. 

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You looked very pretty when you bothered to wash your hair last week.”

“I wash my hair, okay? Sorry I’m old and don’t wake up looking like a supermodel.”

“Who does?”

“I know you want me to say ‘you’, but I’m not taking the bait.”

“That’s okay. I know you’re thinking it, and that’s what matters.”

I was thinking much more than that, darling. 

You walked behind the counter, and asked me, “what do you drink?”, and I think that was the moment I knew I liked you. You could’ve --should’ve -- told me to fuck off. You had other friends (not that we were quite ‘friends’), but you chose me that night. I was a real fixer-upper of a companion, but maybe you liked a challenge. 

“Whiskey. Neat.”

You gave me that look -- that fuckin’ look -- that raised eyebrow and a tiny smirk. And it made me feel like a teenager caught staring at his crush. 

“Please and thank you," I added. 

You got up on the stool behind the bar, grabbed the bottle on the top shelf, and said, “you deserve it.”

“No, I don’t,” I said. “But I’ll take it.”

You sat beside me, and sipped your whiskey. (And you looked pretty hot doing it.) After a good minute of silence you said, “thank you for not killing me and eating me in the woods.”

“I’d get pretty goddamn bored if I didn’t have you yapping in my ear constantly.”

“I thought you hated it.”

“Only sometimes.”

“Then, why don’t you ever talk to me?”

“I’m talking to you right now.”

“Barely.”

So, I turned to you, put my elbow on the counter, laid my head in my hand, and gave you the same face you were giving me. I tried to pretend I was mocking you, but I think you knew I was trying to practice being more likable, being more like you. 

“Tell me something,” you said.

“What do you want me to tell you?”

“Tell me about you.”

“My name is Joel Miller-”

“We’re not at AA.”

“You’re goddamn right we’re not. This would be the shittiest AA meeting ever.”

“Okay, okay. How about you tell me when your birthday is?”

“September 26th, 1981.”

“So, you’re a Libra.”

“Oh c’mon, tell me you’re not into that shit. I was finally starting to tolerate you.”

“I’m a Cancer.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Cancer like the crab, not like the disease!”

“Mm-hmm. I’m sure you’re familiar with crabs as well.”

I got a laugh and a smack on the arm in return, and the laugh was worth the smack. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I know you can’t help being an asshole, so at least you’re making me laugh.”

I didn’t realize your hand was still on my arm until you asked me, “What’d you do before this? You’ve got nice arm muscles.”

“I worked in construction, I was a contractor.”

“Like a carpenter?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s what Jesus was. I bet he had good arm muscles.”

“I don’t think that’s his most notable feature, but sure, why not?”

Despite the fact that we were talking all things Jesus, you were feeling me up. And you weren’t subtle about it at all. 

“Do you wanna play darts?” you asked, breaking the tension.

“Okay.”

You walked up to the dartboard all confident, and I expected an instant bullseye. You’d only had one drink and you were focusing so hard, practicing the swing of your arm like a golfer would. The first shot missed the board entirely.

And that’s when I learned you were awful at darts. 

“You’re terrible at this.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Then, why’d you ask me to play?”

“For fun. Plus, how else am I gonna get better?”

You weren’t even close to the bullseye. You weren’t even hitting the board at all half the time. Over the next couple of years, you got better, not a lot better -- I still won every game we ever played -- but you got closer. But, close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, as they say. It probably counts in terms of people too -- I like to think our closeness counted for something, even if it couldn't last forever.

“You’re lucky you’re pretty," I said.

“You’re lucky you’re good at darts," you fired back.

“Is that an insult? Because I’m holding a sharp object and I’ve got good aim.” And with that, I threw the final dart, hit the bullseye, and won. “What do I get?”

“For what?”

“Winning.”

“You get to keep your pride.”

I was happy with that, but you turned back to me, stepped closer and whispered, “and this,” before you kissed me. 

I don’t know which one of us was more nervous. All I knew was that I liked you a lot more when you were quiet. All I heard from you was a little gasp when I lifted you onto the counter so I could keep kissing you without having to lean down and hurt my back ‘cause I’m an old man. I really thought my brooding bad boy look was gonna get me laid again that night, but you stopped me before I could get your top off. 

“Uh-uh,” you said. “You’re gonna have to do more than beat me at darts if you want more than a kiss.”

“Fair enough. What’s your price?”

“I’m not a hooker.”

I didn’t understand why you looked so upset until that day by the water when you told me. I’m sorry I said that, I really am.

“Sorry. What I should’ve said is, ‘Can I take you to dinner on Friday?’”

You gave me a nonchalant ‘sure’, and I assumed you’d keep it hush-hush, but you bragged about getting asked out. Why would you brag about me? That's something I still don't understand.

The next day, I went and asked Tommy for advice because I hadn’t dated in a long time, and he’s more of the romantic type. I thought our dinner date would be news to him, but you’d already told him. 

“Yeah, I know. She came in here asking for advice too actually.” 

He’s got a bigger mouth than you do. That’s why you two got along so well -- you were like those little old ladies gossiping at the hair salon. 

“What’d she say?”

“I’m sworn to secrecy.”

But Tommy always had a certain loyalty to you. He keeps your secrets to this day -- some of ‘em. 

“Give me some advice, please.”

“You were married once. You won a woman’s heart. Just do what you did back then.”

“I think you’re forgetting the fact that my marriage ended in divorce.”

“Just be yourself.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Yeah, it is. How about smiling for once?”

I tried, but I’d almost forgotten how to over the years. 

Tommy feigned disgust and said, “I take it back. Keep your usual pissed-off look.”

You taught me how to smile again. I don’t know that you meant to do it, but you did. Tommy says he knows when I’m thinking about you because of the way I smile. 

When I came over to pick you up for dinner, you opened the door wearing a bathrobe with your hair in curlers. I guess I was looking at you funny because you made sure to tell me, “Don’t worry, I’m not wearing this out. Go sit in the living room.”

“I’m not worried. You look beautiful already.”

“I do not. I look like my grandmother.”

“I imagine she must’ve been a hot commodity then.”

“She was actually -- or at least, that’s the story she used to tell us. She was Prom Queen and all that jazz.”

You could talk for hours, about anything. I could say one word and you could give me a tangentially related 20 minute long monologue. You were a good storyteller. I don’t think I ever told you this, but I used to think about how you’d be great at making up stories for our kids one day -- if we ever had them. I know I told you I didn’t want to have any, but that’s one of the few lies I told you. I was too scared to imagine that kind of a future with you. 

I had you in the present, and that’s what I cared about. I don’t remember what you wore that night because I spent most of our date looking at your face, trying to memorize every dimple, freckle or scar I could see. All the details.

I’m sure your dress fit perfectly, but what I cared about was how your hand felt when I took it in mine as we walked to the restaurant -- it felt right, more so with our fingers intertwined on the way home. 

It was one of the longest dinner dates in my not-so-long history of dating as it took you quite a while to finish your meal because you don’t talk with your mouth full (usually). I think our waitress was mad that we were there for so long. They were cleaning up by the time you were done eating. 

I don’t remember all the things you said. Even if I did, I don’t have enough paper to write it all down. But I do remember when you asked me, “Can I tell you a secret?” 

“Sure.” 

“This is my first date.”

I would’ve been less surprised if you’d told me you’d killed someone.

“Mine too,” I said. 

“Liar! Tommy said you were married... before all of this.”

“Does Tommy tell you everything about me?”

“No. He wouldn’t tell me when your birthday was. That’s why I asked you.”

“That’s ‘cause he forgot it.”

Really, I wanted to know if he told you about Sarah, or if I’d have to do it myself. Both. As it turned out, he told you before we ever really met. I told you by the river, but that came later. 

When I walked you home, we lingered by your door, and when I leaned in to kiss you goodnight, you turned your head, and I should’ve realized how special you were to me ‘cause I felt my heart sink. But, you asked me to come inside. You were always shy about kissing in public, but not on your living room couch. 

When we were inside, you let me take off your dress, but only after I agreed to take off my shirt. 

“Jesus,” you said when you watched me undress. 

“We talked enough about Jesus last time. It’s about you and me now, baby.”

I learned to be a gentleman growing up in Texas, that wining and dining a lady includes putting her first in the bedroom too. But you called the shots -- that night and all of the others we had together. You got down on your knees and gave me the most irresistible face. It was embarrassing how quickly I came. It’s still embarrassing, and you’re not even here to tease me about it anymore. I thought I’d get the chance to prove myself to you that night, but you stopped me. I remembered what you said, ‘this is my first date’, and I assumed you were a virgin. 

It was about a week later when I was trying to teach you how to skip rocks in the river that I asked you if you were one. 

“It’s not a big deal if you are -- not to me, I mean. I just figured maybe because you said that was your first date.”

“It’s kind of a long story, so take a seat if you want the answer.”

I don’t know what I expected you to say, but I already felt like I’d fucked up by asking. I didn’t want to make this mess I’d gotten myself into worse than it already was, so I sat next to you and waited for you to speak. 

“It’s not actually a long story, I guess. Just a sad one.”

It was the first sad story you told me, and you told me more stories than I’d ever been told by anyone else at this point. It was impressive how many happy ones you held onto, especially after everything that you told me that day. 

You didn’t look at me while you spoke. You mumbled and picked at the grass beneath you. Like a child. 

“I’m not a virgin, but I wasn’t lying when I said that was my first date. There’s just some stuff that you don’t know about me... ‘cause I didn’t want you to know these things about me. But it’s not like I was ever gonna get away with not telling you. It’s better that it happens now anyway.”

You started to cry, so I put my hand on your shoulder, but you shrugged it off. I was so used to the one doing the pushing away that being pushed away was jarring. 

“Before I came to Jackson, I used to do things for money. Those sorts of things. It’s not like I wanted to, ‘cause I’m not like that, you know.”

You explained how you’d lost both your parents by the time you were 16 and didn’t have any siblings, so you ended up with whatever friends you could find. Some of the few good people that were left. 

“There was a group of men who killed my friends just to loot their pockets, but they realized that it’d be more profitable to keep me alive.”

“So they forced you to...”

“Have sex for supplies, yeah. One of them was my first time, I guess. They did that stuff for a while, but once I’d been with a decent amount of men, they decided I was too ‘used up’ or something to be worth having sex with. I can’t decide if that made me feel better or worse. On the one hand, I didn’t have to have sex with them anymore, but I was also too gross to be wanted.”

“’Used up’ is bullshit. Back when the world was a little more civilized, those bastards could’ve gone to jail.”

“They’re dead.”

“Did you kill ‘em?”

“No, but I thought about it all the time. I remember thinking about strangling a man once. He was alone, so no one would’ve seen me do it, and the guys could’ve taken all of his shit too. They probably would’ve been happy if I had. I think that’s why I didn’t.”

“If you didn’t kill them, then how did they die?”

It probably wasn’t appropriate for me to pry, but the sadistic part of me needed to know that they got what was coming for them. I needed to know there was some justice left in this world. 

“They wanted food from some guy who’d gone hunting and they tried to sell me to him, but he said ‘no’. He looked so offended that I thought I was pissed off ‘cause they’d given him a bad deal... but he shot the one standing in front of him. Then, he yelled at me to turn around and I was sure I was gonna die, but I heard him walk into the other room, another shot, and when the third walked in from outside, another shot. He walked over to me, and I started crying and begging him not to kill me. He told me he wasn’t going to, but he made me close my eyes while he led me out of the house.”

“’Cause he didn’t want you to see the bodies.”

“Yeah... and I still thought he was going to kill me, even when he took me with him on his horse, and said he was taking me back to some place called ‘Jackson’.” 

I don’t know if I would say you got a happy ending, at least, not the one you deserved, but I saw a hint of a smile when you mentioned Jackson. And you didn’t have to tell me who the man was -- I know him well. 

“Tommy,” I said, confident in my guess.

“Yeah.”

After I dropped you off at home, I went by his place and thanked him. And then I went home and cried. For the first time in a decade.

“You know it doesn’t change how I feel about you, right?”

“How do you feel about me?”

“I like you… most of the time.” 

What I meant was, I love you. I just didn’t know it yet. 

“I guess I owe you a story too, then.”

“You don’t owe me anything... but you can tell me whatever you want.”

I think part of me wanted to tell you, or at least, part of me wanted you to know. “I had a daughter.”

“I know.”

I should’ve known, considering how close you and Tommy were.

“Tommy told you, didn’t he?”

“To be fair to him, he told me he had a niece.”

“Yeah, he did. She’d be a little older than you. It’s crazy to think that she’d be in her 30s when the last time I saw her she was 13.”

“I know saying ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t really do anything, but I’m still sorry”

“In a way, I’m glad she doesn’t have to see all these things. All the infected. She died before we ever had to go to a QZ.”

When you told me about the first QZ you lived in as a kid, it confirmed that for me. It pained me to hear about you watching your dad get bitten and leaving him behind, saying goodbye without knowing he was dying -- in one way or another. 

You told me later about how the only person you’d ever killed was your own mother, how she used to sell herself like you did, how you missed the first shot and you saw how scared she was to die. I think you had it worse than I did. 

“I think she was mostly scared because she knew I couldn’t do shit with a gun, and that I’d end up surviving the way that she did... and she was right.”

“Neither of you deserved it, and I bet she’d be proud of you now.”

“Why?��

“’Cause I’m proud of you.”

You cried, but you finally let me hold you. You cried so long that I thought you’d never stop. 

Do you remember your last day? I told you I wanted to be with you until the end, but you reminded me about your mother. You told me that even if a shot to the head had to be the way you went out, I wasn’t going to be there to give it to you. We had two choices: either wait until that day came or let you go before then. I said I wanted to go with you. I wanted to ask Tommy to give me the same cocktail he was gonna cook up for you. You said no. It was your last wish that I stayed. 

“I don’t wanna live without you.”

“I don’t wanna die, but I don’t get to choose. If I could live longer, I would. But just because I’m dying doesn’t mean you get to leave everyone else behind.”

Yeah, you brought Ellie into it. I wanted to tell you not to bring her up. I’m glad you did because as much as it hurt to think about her watching me die the way that I watched you die, it made me stay. I’m glad I stayed. Things are okay, but our last day is still my favorite day. 

We got up early and watched the sunrise, and I told you I loved you for the first time.

“I know,” you said with a smile on your face. 

“How?” 

You just lifted your coffee cup. When you moved in -- something I didn’t realize was happening ‘till it had already happened -- I started making coffee every morning before you woke up, and I started buying that French Vanilla bullshit creamer. I hated it. It was so sweet it made me nauseous. I could’ve gone and bought my own, but I’m still stubborn, I’m still a cheapskate, I’m still me -- even without you (which is something I thought I’d never be able to say). But that wasn’t why I started taking my coffee the same way you took yours.

It was one day when you’d already left for work but my shift didn’t start until later. I hadn’t slept at all the night before -- and not for any good reason, not for more time with you -- so I was tired when I woke up. I made myself some coffee, but I wasn’t even thinking straight, so I hadn’t noticed that I had put that creamer in my mug until I tasted it. But I wasn’t disgusted. I thought maybe you’d left yours behind and I’d absent-mindedly picked the wrong one up off the counter -- I very well could’ve gotten caught up in putting the toaster on the right settings (that’s something we could never agree on) -- but when I looked down, it was my mug. Yours was dirty in the sink. You were gone for the day. I was stupid to think otherwise. I was fantasizing. That was new. 

So, just as I am right now, I take my morning coffee like you took yours. It tastes like you, like you kissing me. 

I waited anxiously for you to say you loved me too. 

“Are you not gonna say it back? Do you not-- do you feel the same?”

“What do you think?”

“I hope so.”

You gestured for me to come closer so you could whisper in my ear and I thought maybe you’d give me a wet willy. But you said, “Joel Miller, I have loved you for a long time.”

I didn’t say anything. I don’t think I’ve ever been very good with words -- talking was your thing. I grabbed your hand and squeezed. We went out onto the porch and sat in silence. I wonder what you were thinking about. 

“Will you sing me something?”

You know I don’t take requests, and you know I don’t like an audience, no matter how small that audience is. 

No one would refuse the wish of a dying woman, but I couldn’t refuse you even if I knew you’d be there tomorrow and every day after. I only protest because you look cute when you beg. Not in that way -- you look hot when you beg like that. 

“What song do you want?”

“Surprise me.”

I sang Peaceful Easy Feeling because, as much as a part of me felt a sense of urgency, knowing our time was running out, most of me was just thinking about you, and I love you. Simple as that. 

You gave me a standing ovation just to see me blush. 

We all planned something special for your last dinner. I know you like simple things, so I tried to make it as simple as I could while still making it special for you. Maybe it was selfish to make it a night to remember when I’m the one who gets to remember it. 

Tommy and Maria were chef and sous-chef (you can guess who was who in that scenario), and Ellie was the waitress. 

“What are your specials tonight?” you asked. 

“We have either the steak and baked potato or the steak without the baked potato.”

“In that case, I’d like it with the baked potato.”

We probably lit a hundred candles to fill the room with enough light to see each other -- we had time while you were getting ready, since you’re a bit of a slowpoke. We picked flowers from the garden and put them in an empty wine bottle because we couldn’t find a vase, and conjured up a decent tablecloth. We had ice cream sundaes for dessert -- or at least, you did. You know what I had for dessert. 

“How about you, sir, would you like anything for dessert?” Ellie asked. 

“No, I think I’ll be having dessert when we get home.” I tried to subtly wink at you. 

“Ew! That’s disgusting. I don’t wanna hear about your sex life.”

“You’re the one assuming I was talking about sex. How do you know I don’t have a tub of ice cream waiting for me in the freezer at home?”

There was ice cream in the freezer, but the sweetest thing I’d ever tasted was between your legs. The moment we got home I picked you up bridal style and carried you up to our bedroom. 

“Baby, I know how long you spent getting ready, and I’m sorry to do this to you, but this needs to come off,” I said before I yanked down the zipper of your dress. You laughed as I ripped off your clothes. 

You gently undid my tie and when I watched you fumble with the buttons on my shirt, I said, “Just rip it, baby.”

“I don’t wanna ruin your clothes.”

“I don’t want you to worry about me or my clothes tonight. I want you to have me however you want me.”

“You’ll do whatever I want?”

“Within reason.”

“How do you feel about roleplay?”

“I suppose it depends -- what are the roles?”

“Husband and wife.”

“As long as I can be the husband.”

And then you kissed me -- with your typical tenderness but a new level of dedication. Slow and passionate, showing me what our lives could’ve been like. 

“I’m an impatient husband, and I want my beautiful wife to lie down because I think I’m gonna lose my mind if I don’t get to taste her.”

My mouth is useless when it comes to talking, but we both know I have other uses for it. I tried to go slowly, but I couldn't help myself. I swear your pussy was so perfect it made me reconsider my views on God. Though, I don’t think I am a man deserving of an angel. I think I just got lucky. 

That night I couldn’t care less about how loud you were. “Joel- fuck- you’re gonna have to slow down, or, or, put your hand over my mouth ‘cause - oh!”

“’Cause you don’t want anyone to hear? What’s the problem with them hearing, darlin’? Married couples make love all the time, it’s what we’re supposed to do.”

Without a condom, too. We weren’t worried about you getting pregnant, so we went out with the best bang of ‘em all. I think the last time I’d done it like that was when Sarah was conceived, and based on how easy that was, I was always cautious. 

Husband and wife roleplay wasn’t very different from the sex we typically had. I guess we were really only a piece of paper and wedding bands away from being those ‘characters’. 

Earlier that day, I was worried I wouldn’t sleep that night. I didn’t want to sleep. I wanted to savor every moment with you but when you curled up in my arms I fell asleep before I could even consider staying awake. 

Waking up next to you was my last clear image, even our goodbye kiss was a little blurry ‘cause I was already a little teary-eyed. 

But before that, over breakfast, you mentioned something that I’ve thought about every day since. 

“You know how sometimes people see a bird or something and they’re like ‘oh, that’s my dead relative’?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll come back as a butterfly. One of the blue ones. You don’t see those too often. I don’t want to be something too common, like a bird, then you’ll probably mistake someone else for me.”

I don’t think I had seen a blue butterfly in Jackson until after you’d left us, but there’s one outside my window right now. 

In case it’s you, I’ll read this all aloud. 

Forever yours, 

Joel 

[theetherealbloom]

UNEVEN ODDS — CH. 2

Chapter Two: Roll Up Your Sleeves

Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?

Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, Angst, Fluff, Guns, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Swearing, Reader wants to sacrifice herself, Zombies, eventual SMUT, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing

Word Count: 4.8k

A/N: Holy shit there are so many of you sjdfhgsk AHHHH thank you so much for all the notes and comments, I appreciate it! Here’s a little bit of info for you to understand a little bit of my thought process. In my outline, the reader is an Enneagram Type 9: The Peacekeeper. (This helps me add a little bit of depth to you so I don’t feel entirely lost when writing) if she seems “passive” or “complacent” it’s cause she wants everything to go smoothly and be without conflict. I’d like to believe there’s a little part of us that prefer to avoid tension, due to the fear of loss and separation from the people or things you love. I’ll go a little bit more in-depth about this in the story as it progresses. Hope you enjoy!

Song: evermore (feat. bon iver) by Taylor Swift

Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter | Series Masterlist

TLOU WORLD – 2023

BOSTON - NOON

You walk along the ruins of a long-abandoned Boston with an overpowering sense of dread. It feels like the build-up of a song in which you know the tune, the lyrics, and the beat. Strings of violins, drums, and bells ring and thump in your mind, unwanted and uncaring of how you feel. This curse of knowledge you never asked for but which you carry follows you as the four of you approach the Bostonian Museum. Creeper vines and Cordyceps grow on the sides of the building, marked by conspicuous veins and all-consuming every red brick of this once-beautiful structure.

The four of you stand outside the entrance of the museum. Cordyceps consume every part of the foundation, Ellie tilts her head to look up at it appalled, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” You stand next to Joe, using your hand to rub your right eye, and mumble, “Shit.”

“Well, there’s a way across from the top floor,” Tess says while moving to place her hands in the pockets of her pants. Ellie sarcastically replies, “Well, then I guess it’s fine.” Tess reassures her by adding, “We use to take it all the time.”

Ellie answers, “Okay.” Joel leaves your side and approaches a dry vein of the Cordyceps, removing the rifle he stole from the FEDRA guard, he crouches and touches a part of it to check if it was still active. He swings downward, hits the vein with the butt of the gun, and a puff of dust releases from the dead fungi, he stands to walk over to Tess, “It’s bone dry. It could mean they’re all finally dead in there.”

Tess nods, then they both kneel to prepare their flashlights and weapons, just in case. You and Ellie watch them both rummage through their backpacks, “Oh, man,” the kid mutters.

Joel whips out a flashlight and waves it at Ellie, “Marlene pack you one of these or just sandwiches?” She removes her backpack, “Yeah,” and pulls out her flashlight. Joel looks to you, “Catch, hummin’ bird.” That was the only warning he gave you before tossing you the flashlight, “Luckily, I have a spare.”

You’re short of breath as you hear the nickname he gave you. Miraculously, caught it with both hands, and without even thinking you wink, “Thanks, cowboy.” Thankfully, no one says anything about your quip directed at him.

“Okay, so… more ground rules.” Tess announces and turns to Ellie,  “We’re gonna go slowly. If we come up against anything you get behind us and you stay there, okay?” The young girl nods and wears her backpack, “Yes.” Tess brings out her handgun and flashlight, positioning her hands in a way that she can use both. Ellie glances at the gun she’s holding, “I have a spare hand.”

Joel is unamused by what she is insinuating, dryly replies, “Congratulations.” He walks forward with determination, he pokes his head through the door to do an initial check before turning around to nod at the three of you to signal it’s clear. Reluctantly, you follow them inside, your mind has kicked into overdrive, trying to figure out a way to get past this with zero casualties. If you sacrifice yourself, would that change the ending? Would it buy Tess a little more time? This might be your grand attempt to do something right and kind without assurance, without the promise of an afterlife.

Flashlights dance and shine around the walls of the abandoned museum, you watch your step and try to calm the beating of your heart as you look at the artifacts left behind. You navigate through the hallways and come across a corpse of an infected deceased. Joel shines his flashlight on the fungi, “Yeah, cooked.” Tess exhales, “Finally, some fucking luck.” Ellie steps a little closer to investigate the remains of what was once human, Joel continues, “I guess we should’ve gone this way in the first place.”

You were so caught up in trying to ground yourself in the reality of all of this, that this is actually happening, that you forgot to at least warn them about the Clickers they were about to face in a couple of moments. Just as Ellie was about to turn a corner, you whisper loudly to her, “Ellie wait!”

Too fucking late. “Oh shit,” Ellie exclaims with wide eyes, and Joel makes a move to inspect what she found. A dead bruised, bloodied, young man slouched against the corner. Ellie’s eyes were full of shock, “What the fuck did that?”

Joel and Tess look at each other knowingly, and you finally decide to speak up, for her and theirs, “Whatever you’re about to say or hope for, don’t bother.” The three of them turn to look at you and you decide to continue in an audible whisper, “I wasn’t sure if I could or should warn you, but we need to stay quiet from now on.” You gather your courage to look directly at Joel with an unwavering stare, “It’s exactly what you suspect it is.”

“Are you saying an infected did that?” Ellie whispers to the three adults, and she resumes, “Because I’ve been attacked by one and it wasn’t like that.” Joel looks at you and he can see the way your face twists, your lips curled downwards, and your eyes show your remorse and guilt, he whispers to everyone, “Okay, from this point forward we are silent. Not quiet. Silent.” Ellie looks at him concerned and confused, “What?” But Joel shakes his head, “No. No questions. Just do it.”

This is it. You think to yourself as you will your feet to move, continuing, you follow Joel and Ellie up the stairs with Tess trailing behind. You remember when you could cover your eyes to the scary moments of the show, you could press pause, or fast forward, not needing to witness and feel the distress and panic.

The quiet creak of each floorboard of the steps as your boots land on the rotting wood, it groans all of your weight and dust falls from the ceiling. You all stop silently, waiting for any indication of an infected discovering that all of you were in the museum. After a moment, Joel looks back at you, a silent way of asking if it’s okay, you throw him a bone and give him a tiny spoiler, then you nod at him. And all four of you continue up the stairs.

As you make the first landing of the steps, you shine your flashlight to meet a horrifying view. Multiple corpses of people who were infected with Cordyceps lay on the wooden floors. It’s unspeakable and all-consuming, the silence overwhelms your system, there is a sudden tightness in your chest, and feel a part of your mask slip, your eyes shift and move to look at the pile of bodies. Organs and parts that were once human, were scooped out and transformed into fungi.

Your mouth opens silently, quivering as you do, and you lightly shake your head. Joel steps over the rotting fungi, just as you were about to grab Ellie and warn her about what she couldn’t see, you were too late. Again. A satisfying crunch could be heard throughout the building and you squeeze your eyes shut in fear for a moment then you reopen them. Joel whips around to look at Ellie with annoyance, the kid gives him an apologetic look.

Thankfully, you managed to make it up the steps with no more issues. Joel slowly opens the door to Independence Hall, and the wood gives a quiet creak. He quickly scans the area before deciding to nod at all of you, telling you it’s clear.

With your foresight and knowledge of events that had already happened in your time, you decide to act accordingly and give a hard shove to both Tess and Ellie inside the Hall and quickly follow after, gravity takes place and parts of the museum collapse, pieces of wood and cement block the doors. You were trapped.

Tess and Ellie push themselves off the ground, but you take a little longer to get up. You scraped your arms and hands, and the pain in your head came back. Joel quickly and quietly helps Ellie up then realizes you haven’t moved yet. He immediately makes his way to you, lightly shaking you to get up, you blink back the blurry black spots that are forming in your eyes and stand up with his help, both of his hands on the underside of your forearms.

You squint and slowly look up at him, and for what felt like a second, you see the worry that lines his face. Concern and need to protect you, even though you’re just a stranger. The moment doesn’t last long, you hear the familiar sound of screeching in the room adjacent to you. Flashlights shine in the direction of the noise and you hold your breath as all of you walk backward, keeping your eyes on the monster that emerges from the shadows. The twitchy movements are followed by the croaky noises of the infected, it tries to navigate, searching for its next prey. And on queue, the other Clicker screeches, indicating that there are two of them. This is no longer a museum, it’s a fucking horror house and all of you are in for the worst experience of your life.

You are now surrounded by predators, and prey, playing a twisted game of hide and seek. You press your back against the glass of the cabinet, Tess to your right, Ellie to your left, and Joel being the farthest left. He gestures to his eyes and ears, quietly mouthing, “They can’t see, but they can hear.”

The creature groans and croaks, clicking sounds from its throat. It’s right behind the glass, your eyes drift to the monster and see its jerky movements. You bring your eyes to look at Joel, he lifts his pointer finger to his lips, indicating to be incredibly still and silent. Fear is the darkness and the unknown, a hard-to-shake feeling, it overstays its welcome and leaves you panting.

Tess watches the monster make its way around the corner, limping and shaky. Ellie closes her eyes to try and control her breathing, and you get yourself ready for the fight you never wished for. ‘Why is it always so fucking dark?’ You wonder inside your head, The Clicker comes into view, and you hear an audible gasp come from Ellie. Shit.

The creature turns in your direction at full tilt, mouth wide open with its yellowing teeth, and gives the loudest high-pitch screech. Joel sprays bullets into the Clickers’ chest, but it fights back, he looks in your direction and yells out, “Run!”

The second clicker begins to sprint toward you and Tess shoots at it but the bullet misses. Tess grabs Ellie by the arm and drags her away, while you run with them. The four of you get separated, Tess trips and so do you and Ellie, she yells out to tell her, “Run… Run!”

Ellie crawls her under a table and finds her way out, while the Clicker runs after Tess. You are now at a crossroads, Joel is running at the other end of the exhibit while Tess heads in the opposite direction. You swiftly make a split-second decision and duck, right behind Ellie under the table, however, you do not crawl away, instead, you wait for the Clicker to run by you and quietly get up to follow after Tess. This is your chance to make things right, to ensure she doesn’t get bitten. Will this cost you your life?

You grab an ax hanging from the wall and run to the other side of the room, you hold it with both hands and feel the sweat coating your skin. You turn a corner and see Tess pinned up against the wall, the creature feasting on her neck, your heart drops to the bottom of your stomach, and you let out a scream, “No!”

The creature quickly turns and shrieks at you, angry for interrupting its meal, now it begins sprinting towards you, and the adrenaline pumps into your bloodstream and system. The anger starts to flare in your chest, the silence grows louder along with the ringing in your ears. You stand unwavering and with the courage that has been asleep for so long, it awakens at the right time.

Aiming directly at its head, you throw the axe with everything you have. It lands on a portion of its mushroom-infected face. Yet, it only slows the creature down a second, screaming and swinging its long mutated arms, and tries to locate you, but, it hears the commotion in the other room, loud pops of a revolver can be heard and you assume it’s Joel killing the other Clicker.

The abomination of what once was human turns and screeches at Joel and Ellie, it scampers towards them and you feel the pulse in your veins like a fighter, you fight the fear and let the rush take over, you sharply glance at the handgun Tess had dropped during the chaos and without hesitation, you pick it up and pray it still has some bullets in the chamber.

This was a skill you wished you never had to use. All those days in the range were just a precaution, the world is not kind to women, and you learned to protect yourself just in case. It meant only using a gun when you or the people you loved were in danger.

Using one hand, you swiftly remove the safety with your thumb, aim, and shoot at the head of the Clicker. With three loud pops and then a fourth one for good measure, the monster falls to its knees and on the ground.

Dead.

Blood oozes from the infected’s head, and you stand there watching the crimson splatter grow larger. Tess appears from the archway and takes in the vision before her. You turn to aim the gun at her, your fight instincts kick in, still high from the adrenaline, and you stand there breathing heavily.

Joel yells out your name. You blink once, then twice. A beat passes, and you don’t register Joel approaching you in a calm slow manner, his arm stretched out with his palm facing you, treating you as if you were a frightened animal, now he places his hand on top of yours, a touch so gentle you barely register it. Carefully and steadily he takes away the gun in your hand and turns the safety on before handing it to Tess, which she slowly takes, while you let it happen.

Your vision is blurry and tries to swallow away your guilt. You were too late. You couldn’t save her. Joel says your name again, he’s in front of you now, his frame covering and protecting Tess, but he has replaced the gun you once held, with his hand. Ellie watches the events unfold from the side, not wanting to create any more noise or movement. He squeezes your hand and whispers, “It’s okay… It’s okay.”

It’s not, but his voice brings you back anyway. You look to Tess, your eyes full of sorrow, and your voice quivers as you speak, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Tess nods knowingly, she swallows her pride and sadness to say, “It’s okay. You tried… um, thank you.”

Her words completely snap out of your trance, and you see the world a little clearer now. You nod back at her, then bring your eyes to Joel, who is still holding your hand. His eyes dance around, observing and taking note of every detail of your face. You’re the first to break the staring contest, realizing that Tess doesn’t have a lot of time. You step back away from him, dropping his hand, “We should get going.”

Joel turns to Tess, “You all right?” She nods, “Twisted ankle, but yeah.” She limps over to Ellie, “You all right?”

“Well, I didn’t shit my pants, so…” Ellie says and pulls up the sleeve of her jacket to reveal a bite from the infected. “You fucking kidding me?” she exclaims and turns to look at Joel, “I mean if it was going to happen to one of us.”

Tess stays silent at that, glancing at you to keep your mouth shut. You give a discreet nod in response, Tess calls out to Joel, “Hey. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

Joel pushes the window up and opens, stepping out onto the roof, Ellie follows and you do too, leaving Tess for last, who plops down to rest her ankle, “Fuck.”Joel kneels and opens his pack to give Ellie a bandage, “Put this around your arm.” She takes it and says, “Thanks.” You watch as Ellie makes her way to a wooden plank, makeshift bridge, “Over there?” Joel glances over while continuing to fuss over Tess, “Yeah, I know it looks scary.”

“That was scary. This is wood.” Ellie states and proceeds to walk across the wood plank to get to the other building’s roof. Joel watches in disbelief and hollers, “Just wait there. Give us a minute.” He turns to look at you, “Can you go make sure she’s…” You only nod, knowing that Joel and Tess need to talk, you look at the wood plank they call a bridge and mumble to yourself, “If the way I die is falling from a high place, so be it.” 

You walk across with no problem and catch up to Ellie, “Hey,” you say as you stand by her and take in the view. “What happened to you back there?” Ellie asks, the wind blowing strands of hair away from her face. You huff, “I don’t know. The adrenaline took over, I guess.”

You both stand in silence now, then you can hear the heavy footsteps of Joel walking up to the right of Ellie, she merely glances at him and then turns back to see the State House in the distance, glittering under the sunlight. “Is it everything you hoped for?” Joel asks her, Ellie blinks but answers him, “Jury’s still out. But, man you can’t deny that view.”

You hear Tess approaching from behind, eager to keep moving, “Come on, let’s get there before it’s dark.” She turns and then climbs a ladder down, letting out a groan of pain no one question or brings up. Joel nods at Ellie to follow Tess which he does, you look at Joel as Ellie climbs down. And you held his gaze for a moment, then look to his broken watch, before climbing down after the young kid.

Leaves crunch with every step you take, Tess lightly limping ahead, she turns to look at you, and you could only stare back. Tess looks straight ahead once more, and you can’t help but wonder about the violence of the dog days and what could get you through this. You see the State House from a distance, a hauntingly beautiful sight, creeper vines growing on the pillars and sides of the edifice.

The group decides to hide behind an abandoned car near the state house, and immediately could tell that something was very wrong, “Where the fuck are they?” Tess harshly states, Joel, shakes his head and decides to go check the truck parked outside by the steps of the ruined State House.

Joel walks over cautiously to the door of the truck, he swings it open to aim his rifle at it, only for the seats to be empty. Joel sees the blood splattered on the sides of the door, and turns to mouth at you all, “Stay back.” He rounds the side of the truck and notices a recently deceased, he continues to the back of the truck, swinging the giant blue metal doors, to confront no one.

You follow Ellie and Tess as she demands, “Joel, what the fuck is going on?” Joel shakes his head, “I don’t know.”

No longer wanting to play along, you look down to see a trail of blood up the steps and into the State House, you hear someone call your name, but say nothing as you walk up to the doors of the building. You push your way through, briskly walking to the center of the structure, and you take a good look at the multiple dead people scattered on the ground. You shake your head and close your eyes, “Fuck.”

You hear the three come in after you and they notice immediately what happened, Tess goes into a panic, “Okay. I mean there’s gotta be a fucking radio or something, right?” She proceeds to open the kit boxes that contain nothing but supplies, searching for anything that could help them win.

“Who killed them? FEDRA?” Ellie asks, and you reply, “No,” you nod to the man on the ground, Joel rolls him over with his boot and you continue, “One of them got bit. The healthy ones fought the sick ones. Everyone lost.”

Joel’s nostrils flared as he stared at you, “You knew? You knew and didn’t even bother to warn us that this was all for nothin’?” You raised your chin, “They were already dead hours before we got here.” His jaw clenched while you stood, fists clenched by your sides, and rolled your shoulders back, glaring at Joel.

Joel calls out to Tess, “Tess, what are you doing?” She ignores him and approaches Ellie, “Where did Marlene say that she was taking you?” Ellie responds unsure, “Uh, I don’t know. Just west.”

“Just west. Fuck. okay. Well, I mean, one of them’s gotta have a map on them, right?” Tess then goes to search one of the deceased Firefly’s pockets, “Joel, can you help me?”

“No.” He fumed, “Tess, it’s over. We are going home.”

“That’s not my fucking home!”

You let the exchange happen, while you move to one of the kits to retrieve a handgun, some ammo, and a small first-aid kit, and steal a backpack sitting on top of the chairs to shove all your supplies inside. Then, you hear Tess say the words you knew would happen, “I’m staying. I mean, our luck had to run out sooner or later.”

“Fuck.” Ellie whispers, “She’s infected.”

Tess sighs, and Joel’s eyes hardened and narrowed into slits, “Show me.” She takes a step forward and whispers his name, only for him to take a step back. Tess then steps back, anguish splashes across her face, then pulls the collar of her shirt and jacket, to reveal the growing infection on her neck, “Oops, right? And don’t bother taking it against her,” Tess gestures to you, “She did everything she could to save me, but I guess fate had already cut my string.”

Joel takes in a breath of disbelief while Tess looks to Ellie, “Take your bandage off.” Which she does to reveal no evidence of infection, just a new scar on her forearm to add to her collection. Tess makes her way to Ellie and holds her arm, “Look. Joel? This is real.” She drags Ellie closer to him, “Joel, she’s fucking real.” Her grip suddenly becomes twitchy and she wills her hand to stop shaking and hides it behind her back, she stares directly into the eyes of whom she once loved, “I need you to get her to Bill and Frank’s.”

Joel is shaking his head as he replies, “No.” But Tess continues to speak, “They’ll take her off your hands. They’ll handle it from here.”

“No… I can’t. They won’t take her. They’re not gonna take her.” He says and you watch each part you knew to unfold, Tess whispers to him, “They will because you’ll convince them. Yes, you will. I never ask you for anything. Not to feel the way I felt…”

“No.” He stubbornly states, but Tess lets the tears stream down her face and exclaims, “Now, you shut the fuck up because I don’t have time.”

He grants her request and listens, “This is your chance. You get her there. You keep her alive and you set everything right. All the shit we did.” Joel shakes his head as Tess begs, “Please say yes, Joel. Please.”

Despite the somber mood, a screech from one of the corpses has come to life and taken its revenge on the living, Ellie screams out, “Oh, fuck!” But your reaction time is faster this time, and you no longer hesitate as you walk towards the parasite, remove the safety of the gun and shoot it point blank in the head. Joel comes up behind you, and takes notice of what you’re staring at, the Cordyceps patch has awakened the rest of the infected and you hear the croaks and shrieks from outside of the State House.

Joel runs up to one of the doors to check how many are on the way, he shuts the door and locks it after making out the horde approaching. “How many?” Tess asks, Joel walks past her, “All of ‘em. Maybe a minute.”

Tess takes one of the rifles off of the floor and uses the butt of the gun to remove the lid on the fuel barrels. She pushes it to the floor, and the clear yellow liquid pours out of it and coats the floor. You help and do the same to the other barrel, knowing how this will end for Tess. “What are you doing?” Ellie asks, watching you and Tess scatter grenades on the ground, “Making sure they don’t follow you.”

Tess then approaches Joel, breathless and shaking, “Joel. Save who you can save.”

He clenches his jaw and his nostrils flared, angry, confused, upset, everyone he ever loved leaves or dies. He stares at her, soaking in her image as much as he can, and then he makes his decision. He quickly grabs Ellie by the arm and drags her away, her protests can be heard as it fades away around the corner, she punches his arm to try and break loose but he’s much stronger, “No! We’re not leaving her! Get off me, you fucker!”

Tess says your name and you turn to face her, “You weren’t lying? About the whole different universe thing?” You can only shake your head in response, hoping she can see your heart breaking into pieces.

Tess hums and gives you a small smile, “Take care of them for me, please? Especially Joel. Stubborn as a mule but you’ll learn to love him, just like I did.” You decide to grant the woman her dying wish, you nod and whisper, “Goodbye, Tess.”

You turn to run and didn’t look back, pushing out of the wooden doors, while tears stream down your face slightly obscuring your vision. But you manage to catch up with Joel and Ellie, as you did, the blast from the State House is sudden and loud. The smell of burning kerosine fills the air and you turn to look back at the raging fire, Joel turns and points his rifle at the area, ready to shoot just in case, only to hear screeching and the infected burning on the steps of the building.

You stare and one-half of your senses silently wish Tess would walk out, but you can no longer rewind, she’s gone. Ellie pants, trying to catch her breath, tears rimming her eyes and Joel lowers his rifle to turn away from the roaring flames. You and Ellie turn to watch his lone silhouette walk away from you both.

A/N: WELL that’s the end of Episode 2! Lowkey was fighting invisible demons to get this chapter edited and out bcs I wanted to improve on describing movement, anger, sorrow, etc. IT WAS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT T^T but I hope I didn’t disappoint ya’ll <3 ALSO YEP MHM TAGLIST! Send me an ask so I can add ya! It’ll stay open for a tiny period of time so send away :D

I’m proud of you for doing the right thing by trying to save Tess! Even though we all know you secretly admire Joel and would have chased after him to ensure his safety with Ellie. hehehehehe 

Yes, the reader only knows everything up to Episode 3, meaning she has no clue about the rest of the show! She knows (most) parts of the video game but alas we know Television series like to change things so she’s lowkey fucked lol

I LIVE FOR YOUR COMMENTS ya’ll crack me up and have the best reactions. Thank you for your support and love. I’ll try and get the next chapter out soon!

-Grace

Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter 

Taglist:

@memento-mora @elijahssuit @tartiflvtte @lillylilly2 @kyuupidwrites @amethystwonders11 @syd-vixious @themysticturtles @kidkrow666​ @soulofapatrick​ @ponyboys-sunsets @superflymaterial @chaotic-imposter  @vainbimbo @eva-stark @loki-an-idiot @littleshadow17 @undermoonlightwalk @afternoon-evening @notmysunnydale​ @mac5323 @slurmp69

[irisposts]

rosyln - reader x ellie

part two & part three

a short blurb of ellie taking the drunk reader home and they have a cute interaction

highly recommend playing the song roslyn by bon iver while reading this :) might make ian extended version idk lemme know

You’re eyes caught Ellie’s the first day she came to school—the first day that her and Joel had fully assimilated into Jackson’s society. She sat in the back, head turned to the window. Seemingly lost in thought, she’d do that the entire first week. Ellie spoke only if she was spoken too. Having enough of it, you gathered the courage to approach her. It was like a match made in heaven, the two of you were inseparable and eventually you’d introduce her to your own group of friends. On one instance you ask if she wanted to sneak out of Jackson for the night with those friends. To your surprise she accepted. Without much care, you, Dina, Jessie, and Ellie left jackson. Only to be swarmed by infected, you remember distinctly how a stalker clawed it’s way over to ellie. And how you climbed atop of it,

“and slashed its throat, I mean clean off the fuckin bone…and that my friends… is how ellie is with us today.” You drunkly rest a hand atop Ellie’s shoulder. Giving it a gentle squeeze, you notice her stiffen under your touch.

The group of your friends squished around the campfire laugh amongst themselves. Cat throws a knowing look to Ellie, you catch Dina watching that interaction with intensity. Jessie chuckles to himself at the memory, “God, weren’t we stupid?”He shakes his head.

“Yeah.” Ellie let’s out a sigh. Bringing a bottle of booze up to her lips. She takes a quick swig, her head thrown back. “You totally saved my life, y/n” her head drops, eyes falling down to yours. There’s the slightest grin on her lips.

“Your welcome.” You scrunch your nose, and find your arms looping into Ellie’s. Your cheek rests along her arm.

Pat, one of the youngest of the group whistles at the interactions.

“Fuck off.” Flustered, Ellie looks to the group of people watching. Her hands smooths down the hair atop of your head. “It’s been a long night,” Ellie bends to get a better look at you. But you’re in your own mind, blabbering about nonsense at a whisper. “I should take her home.”

Jesse claps his hands together, then let’s a hand rest on top of Dina’s knee. “You need any help?”

Ellie starts to lift you up. Letting your body weight lean against her. “Nah,” Ellie pulls your arm over her shoulder. “I got her.”

Your chest thumps st the feeling of Ellie’s hand along your waist. Her fingers slightly digging into your skin. You slightly sober up, a new found energy flows through your body.

You two wobble away from the little crowd. You try to wave back to them, but Ellie almost you drags you away.

You inhale the cool air, admiring the lights of both the sky and of jackson. You close your eyes, letting the sound of both your footsteps trudging through the snow fill your ears. You think back to when you were younger, and how incredibly close you and Ellie both were. You still were close, but in recent years, Ellie’s become more distant. The smiles and puns, becoming a rare occurrence. You now open your eyes, looking over to Ellie. Admiring the redness on her nose and cheeks. The small white snowflakes sticking to her lashes. The soft cloud of her breath in the winter air.

“Mm,ithinkiwannastaywithyoutonight.” You mumble, squishing yourself closer to ellie.

She looks at you with curiosity. “What?”

You roll your eyes. You lick at your lips trying to simmer this burn of alcohol in your chest, but also utilize the sudden confidence it’s given you. “I don’t…want to go home.” Ellie furrows her brows. You look up with those determined eyes. “I want,” you poke a finger at her chest. “to go home with you….”

You finger is just above her heart and you swear you feel it thump beneath your touch. The two of you are stopped in the middle of town, snow fluttering down around you. Ellie stands frozen—that hand still on you’re waist. Her eyes dart to your left eye, then to your right, and down to your lips. To your surprise, Ellie raises her hand. It ever so slightly cups at your cheek, her thumb rubbing softly at the rosiness below your eyes. “Okay.” with a soft smile, “…let’s go home.”

Your gaze softens with a feeling that can only equate with love…

[physalian]

List of “I need to calm the fuck down” music

(please reblog your own)

Most Trance Music if this list is intimidating- Usually not something you dance to, doesn’t have a lot of percussion and erratic noise. It’s supposed to entrance you.

This list spans the following genres: Pop, folk, grunge, cinematic, and rock.

Maybe I’ll make a Spotify playlist or something with all of them, idk. These are not in alphabetical order but I tried to keep multiple artist entries grouped.

I had the whole thing color-coded but Tumblr didn't like that so here's it in boring text (I still have the colored one if anyone wants it)

WITH LYRICS

Good for Me - Above & Beyond

On a Good Day - Above & Beyond

Blue Sky Action - Above & Beyond

The Hollywood Bowl Show - Above & Beyond

I Love You Always Forever - Donna Lewis

I Will Follow You Into the Dark - Death Cab for Cutie

Through the Eyes of a Child - AURORA

Retrograde - Pearl Jam

Run Boy Run - Woodkid

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

Would That I - Hozier

After All These Years- Journey

Let it All Go - Birdy

Holocene - Bon Iver

Home I/II - Dotan

Outro - M83

Flares - The Script

O - Coldplay

Fly On - Coldplay

Strawberry Swing - Coldplay

Midnight - Coldplay

Lovers in Japan (Acoustic) - Coldplay

Clocks - Coldplay

Every Teardrop is a Waterfall - Coldplay

Up & Up - Coldplay

Fix You - Coldplay

Oceans - Seafret

Dice - Finley Quaye

Medicine - Daughter

Wash Away - Joe Purdy

Upside Down - Jack Johnson

Heartbeats - Jose Gonzales

Teardrop - Massive Attack

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For - U2

Where the Streets Have No Name - U2

Beyond the Sea - Bobby Darin

Life is a Highway - Rascal Flatts

Something I Need - OneRepublic

Dead in the Water - Ellie Goulding

Mr. Brightside - The Killers

Morning Elvis - Florence + The Machine

End of Love - Florence + The Machine

What the Water Gave Me - Florence + The Machine

Sky Full of Song - Florence + The Machine

Free - Florence + The Machine

Choreomania - Florence + The Machine

Walls - Kings of Leon

While My Guitar Gently Weeps - Tom Petty/Prince

Silver Spring - Fleetwood Mac

Big Love - Fleetwood Mac

Landslide - Fleetwood Mac

Everywhere - Fleetwood Mac

Don’t Look Back in Anger - Oasis

The Albatross - Taylor Swift

The Archer - Taylor Swift

You’re On Your Own Kid - Taylor Swift

Clean - Taylor Swift

On My Way - Phil Collins

Hoppipolla - Sigur Ros

I Shall Not Walk Alone - The Blind Boys of Alabama

Send Me On My Way - Rusted Root

Manic - Cloves

Dorian - Agnes Obel

Down to Earth - Peter Gabriel

Shine On You Crazy Diamond I-IV - Pink Floyd

On the Turning Away - Pink Floyd

High Hopes - Pink Floyd

Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd

Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd

Take it Back - Pink Floyd

November Rain - Guns n’ Roses

Breathe Me - Sia

They’ll Soon Discover - The Shins

Just a Kid - Wilco

Evenstar - Howard Shore

Just Like Heaven - The Cure

Angela - The Lumineers

Scotland - The Lumineers

Nobody Knows - The Lumineers

Sleep on the Floor - The Lumineers

The Ink from Books - Sleeping at Last

Lightning Crashes - Live

Disarm - The Smashing Pumpkins

Glitter in the Air - P!nk

Silhouette - Aquilo

Water Under the Bridge - Adele

Golden Hour Album - Kygo

Stole the Show - Kygo

Wake Me Up - Avicii

Heaven - Avicii

Hope There’s Someone - Avicii

Fade Into You - Mazzy Star

WITHOUT LYRICS

Flow State (Continuous Mix) - Above & Beyond

Memory Gospel - Moby

Immanuel - Tony Anderson

Define Dancing - Thomas Newman

Haiku/Nemo Egg - Thomas Newman

American Beauty - Thomas Newman

Chasing Ice - J. Ralph

One Day - Hans Zimmer

Thunderbird/The Decision - Hans Zimmer

1917 - Thomas Newman

The Mighty Rio Grande - This Will Destroy You

The Minecraft OST - C418

The World of Goo OST - Kyle Gabler

Tessa - Imagine Dragons

Forbidden Friendship - John Powell

Experience - Ludovico Einaudi

The Aviators - Helen Jane Long

Once There Was A Hush Puppy - Benh Zeitlin

On the Nature of Daylight - Max Richter

The Beginning - Factor 8

End of An Era - Zach Hemsey

I Walk With Ghosts - Scott Buckley

The Chasing Coral OST - Dan Romer

The Luca OST - Dan Romer

Arrival to Earth - Steve Jablonsky

Tower of Joy - Ramin Djawadi

Light of the Seven - Ramin Djawadi

Into a Nighttime Sky - Jeremy Zuckerman

Greatest Change - Jeremy Zuckerman

Your Hand in Mine/Home - Explosions in the Sky

Ori, Lost in the Storm - Gareth Coker

Arrival of the Birds - Cinematic Orchestra

Fireflies - Mychael & Jeff Danna

Across the Stars - John Williams

The Soul OST - Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross

The Queen’s Gambit OST - Carlos Rafael Rivera

[legendofmorons]

Songs that I associate with the chain (Angst edition)

Four

The world is ugly (My chemical romance)

Nobody's home (ground score)

Welcome to my life (simple plan)

Hyrule

Twin size mattress (the front bottoms)

Through glass (stone sour)

Silence (Marshmello, Kahlid)

Legend

Wonderland (Taylor swift)

If the world was ending (Hannah ellis)

Be nice to me (the front bottoms)

Sky

Praying (kesha)

Car radio (twenty one pilots)

Bottom of the river (Delta rae)

I'll be good (James young)

Time

Vienna (Matt Schuler cover)

I will survive (Gloroa gaynor)

Youth (bon iver)

Twilight

Something in the orange (Zach Bryan)

Fast car (Tracy Chapman not the other versions)

Train wreck (James arthur)

Warriors

My R (Lolita) - Cw/TW suicide

Migraine (Twenty one pilots)

How to save a life (Cold play) -TW suicide

Wild

Everybody wants to rule the world (lorde version)

Renegades (X ambassadors)

Numb little bug (em behold)

Sweet hibiscus tea (Penelope Scott)

Wind

Could have been me (the struts.)

How far we've come (matchbox twenty)

Karma (AJR)

Fake happy (Paramore)

[mcknotanniegrey]

my hyperfixation rundown of 2023, in order of appearance:

All Souls series by Deborah Harkness and A Discovery of Witches (TV) soon followed, of course

Good Omens

Interview with the Vampire (AMC)

rediscovering tumblr

Radclyffe Hall

Succession (HBO)

Izzy Hands from Our Flag Means Death

Lucifer (TV)

Paradise Lost by John Milton for like the 5th year in a row, let's be real

Jim Jarmusch's filmography

The West Wing (TV) particularly, the first 3 Sorkin seasons

Lucifer (TV) and more Lucifer (TV) yet more Lucifer (TV)

Michael Demiurgos from Lucifer (TV)

"Exile" ft. Bon Iver (Taylor Swift) exclusively listened to while writing Lucifer fanfiction

Simon & Garfunkel's "Bridge Over Troubled Water" as covered by Tom Ellis and Brianna Hildebrand in Lucifer (TV)

Tom Ellis in general? but in particular in Lucifer

shout out to @ohsoldier for politely listening to me connect every possible conversation topic to Lucifer over the last 7 months

[lovebirdgames]

BCB Character Playlists ~ Clark

I seemed to favor angsty duets for Clark, which makes sense since he has the loneliest route.

Clarity - Zedd (Charlie Puth Cover)

Say Something I’m Giving Up On You - A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera

Still Falling For You - Ellie Goulding

Confident - Demi Lovato (loved listening to this song while writing the drum major face-off!)

Wrecking Ball - Miley Cyrus

Set Me on Fire - Thousand Foot Crutch

Close - Nick Jonas ft. Tove Lo

Why - Sabrina Carpenter

Call It What You Want - Taylor Swift

Symphony - Clean Bandit ft. Zara Larsson

The Last Time - Taylor Swift ft. Gary Lightbody

exile - Taylor Swift ft. Bon Iver

Skin - Sabrina Carpenter (A Clark song but for Peter’s route) Mercury - Sleeping At Last

Lend Me Your Voice - Belle

I Hear a Symphony - Cody Fry

[elliebarker]

settling this once and for all.

ellie listens to bon iver and the national

dealer!ellie listens to frank ocean and the weeknd

modern!ellie listens to boygenius and hoizer

lifeguard!ellie listens to mitski and suki waterhouse

guitarist!ellie listens to metric and fleetwood mac

music major!ellie listens to mazzy star and weyes blood

abby listens to like the lumineers or something (whoever it is cannon abby has shit music taste)

modern!abby listens to deftones and hole

roommate!abby listens to billy joel (fight me on this) and like…the beatles

basketball!abby listens to lana del fucking rey

drummer!abby listens to foo fighters and radiohead

environmental science major!ellie listens to big thief and hozier

[insecretgardens]

ThoMinho Playlist

Eyes Open (Taylor's Version) - Taylor Swift

Enchanted - Taylor Swift

ceilings - Lizzy McAlpine

Back To December - Taylor Swift

Rome - Dermot Kennedy

The blue - Gracie Abrams

Message In A Bottle (Taylor's Version) - Taylor Swift

Feels Like - Gracie Abrams

ivy - Taylor Swift

LIGHT SHOWER - Melanie Martinez

Treacherous (Taylor's Version) - Taylor Swift

Blossom - Dermot Kennedy

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince - Taylor Swift

Falling Skies - YUNGBLUD, Charlotte Lawrence

I Know Places - Taylor Swift

Dusk Till Dawn - ZAYN, Sia

TRUSTFALL - P!nk

Beating Heart - Ellie Goulding

Safe & Sound (Taylor's Version) - Taylor Swift

Afterglow - Taylor Swift

The Great War - Taylor Swift

evermore - Taylor Swift, Bon Iver

willow - Taylor Swift

[weirdtinkerbellversion]

url song game

so the rules of the game are to write one song for every letter in your url, and then tag as many people as there are letters in your url. okay? okay.

Oh god @star4daisy thanks for the tag but have you seen how long my url is?? we're gonna be here a while lol

work song - Hozier

elli fat mat - ghazall

i can't carry this anymore - Anson Seabra

repeat until death - novo amor

djin - mashrou' leila

the man who sold the world - Nirvana

ignorance - paramore

nobody - mitski

killer queen - Queen

emmenez moi - Charles Aznavour

roslyn - on iver & st. vincent

blossom - dermot kennedy

everlong - foo fighters

let me down - jorja smith ft. stormzy

landfill - daughter

vienna - billy joel

everybody - mac miller

remember me - umi

stubborn love - the lumineers

i wanna be yours - Arctic Monkeys

on n'oublie pas - Slimane

no complaints - noah kahan

no pressure tags @thebibutterflyao3 @lulublack90 @thedvilsinthedetails

[ultrone]

I know I don’t go anon but atp I’m feeling left out lmaooo, I’m claiming this one for the hell of it🧯

:)

How’s your day going? Was wondering who some of your favorite artists are :) and you ofc don’t have to do this if it doesn’t interest you but who do you think the girl’s favorite artist(s)/band(s) would be if they were teens now. I’m dying on the hill that Jackie would love Taylor Swift and Lana and Shauna would love Hozier, Noah Kahan or Lord Huron

ofcc u can claim it 😼🫶🏼 it’s all urs now. . and some of my fav artists are lana del rey, radiohead, deftones, soda stereo, zoé, danny ocean, ethel cain, feid, strangehuman, coldplay, frank ocean, jeff buckley, the smiths, queen, luis miguel, etc. i have too many lmaoooo, wbu?

some artists i think the yjs would like

— prolly super inaccurate cuz it’s my first time thinking abt this ����

SHAUNA : coldplay, steve lacy, hozier, mitski, sufjan stevens, the fray, the neighbourhood, rex orange county, mika, wallows, m83, mormor, harry styles, $uicideboy$, inhaler, one direction, kanye

JACKIE : taylor swift, coldplay, glee cast, the neighbourhood, childish gambino, tove lo, birdy, joji, rihanna, pinkpantheress, kali uchis, doja cat, one direction, 5sos

LOTTIE : brent faiyaz, dominic fike, phoebe bridgers, bon iver, cigarettes after sex, ellie goulding, faye webster, grimes, the 1975, aquilo, olivia rodrigo, arctic monkeys, declan mckenna, lorde, frank ocean, miguel, tame impala

NAT : loathe, alex g, salvia path, superheaven, basement, lil peep, grimes, the 1975, arctic monkeys, tame impala

TAI : brent faiyaz, daniel caesar, mac demarco, mormor, mac miller, kid cudi

VAN : girl in red, linkin park, eminem, tv girl, declan mckenna, the kooks

[cold-earth-connection]

Just me, the dog, the moon & a Bon Iver record, in a mountain house in Sweden. Ellie (wife❤️) gets home soon. Bliss. #boniver #sweden #sverige #berg #mountains #jämtland #wolf #gsd #malamute #home

[insanely13swiftie]

ThoMinho Playlist

Eyes Open (Taylor's Version) - Taylor Swift

Feels Like - Gracie Abrams

ivy - Taylor Swift

Treacherous (Taylor's Version) - Taylor Swift

I Know Places - Taylor Swift

Beating Heart - Ellie Goulding

Dusk Till Dawn - ZAYN, Sia

The Great War - Taylor Swift

evermore - Taylor Swift, Bon Iver