#elain get behind me they don’t deserve you

[azrielsbreedingkink]

You do not have a right to everything automatically. You do not get to force someone to include you, especially if doing so will cause them pain.

A lot of y’all weren’t told No enough as a child and it shows.

[cressidagrey]

Looked to the Sky - Chapter 6

Summary: 

Eira Archeron was neither a Valkyrie, nor a Seer, nor the High Lady of the Night Court. She was, however, Azriel‘s mate with her own mysterious, untrained powers.

Also known as: Azriel tries to court his mate the human way.

Warnings: 

THIS IS THE LIGHTNING IN A BOTTLE SEQUEL! SO READ THAT FIRST IF YOU WANNA READ THIS ONE OTHERWISE THIS MAKES NO SENSE!

Elain Bashing, Amren bashing, Azriel is an idiot, Eira has a well-deserved crying fit and without @k-godling this would have never happened.

(super pretty dividers by @tsunami-of-tears)

"Do I want to know what your mother said to you?" Cassian asked him with a sigh the next morning. They were at the River House. 

Eira was still sleeping. Or again. Resting. Pure exhaustion apparent in every fibre of her being. She had stumbled up the stairs the night before, fell into her bed and hadn’t moved. Feyre and Nesta were both with her, had been with her since then... 

Azriel let out a small huff, and glanced at Cassian from his couch seat.

“No,” he said bluntly. “No, you really don’t want to know.”

"You're brooding," Cassian pointed out. Azriel snorted at his brother’s observation, crossing his arms.

“And you’re observant,” he said dryly. “Your point?”

Cassian huffed in amused annoyance and shoved him playfully. “Come on. Out with it,” he said, propping his feet on the coffee table, his wings shifting behind him. “You’ve been quiet and broody and grumpy all morning. You need to talk about it.”

"Talk about what? Talk about the fact that whatever Amren said to my mate was enough to push her head first into a panic so bad that she winnowed? Burned down half a forest accidentally?" Azriel asked, his voice forcedly even. "Or about the fact that I needed my mother to call me out on my bullshit because I am a fucking idiot ?"

"Language," Rhys said with a sigh, trying and failing to feed Nyx his porridge.

Cassian rolled his eyes in annoyance at Rhys’s words, while Azriel gave his high lord a flat look.

“Are you seriously going to get on me for my language?” he asked Rhys dryly. “Out of everything I just said?

"I do not need a fight with Feyre, because our son starts repeating your curse words," Rhys muttered.

Cassian snorted at that, and Azriel couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth, shaking his head.

Somehow, even right now, when everything was such a mess, Rhys still managed to find ways to be a caring father.

“Can we focus on something more important?” Azriel said, his voice a grumble. “Like the fact that I’m failing as a mate?”

Cassian’s snort turned into a choke at Azriel’s comment, his eyes going wide. “Failing as a mate? You? You’re kidding, right?”

Azriel scowled at Cassian’s shocked response.

“And how exactly is it possible that I’m not failing?” he demanded, his hands clenching into fists. “Because I can think of many, many ways, Cass.”

“What exactly have you done that qualifies as failure?” Cassian countered, shifting position so that he mirrored Azriel’s pose. “Because I’m really drawing a blank.”

"I fancied myself in love with her twin sister and pretty much used Eira as nothing but a source of information about Elain. Then, when I realised that Eira was my mate, I asked for permission to court her and within that conversation somehow found it prudent to say that Elain was the pretty one but Eira was the kind one and would protect our children fiercely. Then I gave her a harp as a courting gift, while she needed to sell her old one to keep her family from starving and nobody ever even thought about the fact that maybe that would bring up some bad memories. Then instead of asking what she wanted to do, I decided on the symphony, where I spent 3 hours sitting next to her in silence because all I could concentrate on was the fact that she held my hand . I have no fucking clue if sewing and baking and cooking are actually her hobbies or just the chores she liked best and I don't even know her favourite colour. Tell me how I am not failing, Cassian!"

Cassian opened and closed his mouth a few times, clearly at a loss for words.

Azriel let out a weary sigh and closed his eyes, scrubbing a hand over his jaw.

He knew he had screwed up. That he had failed miserably in so many ways. But saying the words aloud…hearing them said out loud…somehow just made it even more real.

He slumped down in his seat, burying his head in his hands.

“You…you really are an idiot, Az…” Cassian finally managed to say, his voice quiet as he spoke. 

Azriel knew that. 

"I told Nesta that everybody hates her," Cassian admitted quietly. "I didn't tell her that I loved her until after our fucking mating ceremony. I have no clue what her favourite colour is either, now that I am thinking about it."

When Cassian told him that, Azriel’s eyes flew open and he looked up at his brother, his jaw slackening.

“You what?” he demanded, not quite believing what he’d just heard.

"Not my best moments," Cassian admitted drily.

Azriel let out a choked snort at his brother’s reply, and he buried his head in his hands again.

“And you said I’m the idiot?” he asked faintly.

“We’re both idiots,” Cassian said matter-of-factly, flopping back against the couch cushions. “Maybe all males are idiots.”

"I didn't tell Feyre about the dangers the pregnancy put her in," Rhys said quietly. "I didn't tell her we were mates at first either. I am sure there are dozens of other things I did, where I failed as a mate."

Azriel sighed, and he let his hand drop to his lap, shaking his head in disbelief.

“You’re really not helping,” he said, his voice quiet. “I shouldn’t feel better about being a failure as a mate because my brothers are failures too.“

Cassian snickered at Azriel’s response, but Rhys let out a huff and gave him an amused smile.

“I’m just saying,” he began, his eyes soft. “You’re far from the only person to have ever messed up with a mate, Azriel. Hell, the list of things I did wrong with Feyre is longer than your arm.”

Azriel closed his eyes again, letting out a sigh as he rested his head back against the couch cushions.

He knew that Rhys was right. Knew that all the males around him were speaking the truth. He wasn’t the only one to have messed up with a mate.

But somehow, knowing that didn’t make the knowledge that he had failed feel any less raw. Any less painful.

“I don’t want to fail,” Azriel said quietly. “I don’t want to put her through…this pain. But I feel like that’s all I’m doing. All I did was let my own emotions and wants and desires drown out what Eira really needed“

"Then maybe you should ask Eira what Eira actually wants," Cassian said with a snort.

...And he was already back to making the exact same error as before, wasn't he? That should have been his first thought.

Azriel closed his eyes again, letting out another weary sigh.

“How?” he mumbled. “How do I go to her and say ‘Hey, I realize that I did everything wrong so far. And I failed you and I’m an idiot, so how about you and I can start everything over from the beginning?’”

A hand, strong and heavy, descended on the top of his head and ruffled his hair.

“By doing it,” Rhys said firmly, a hint of a smile on his face. “By looking her straight in the eye and telling her what you just admitted to us. She deserves the honesty.“

“And when she says ‘no’? When she says she wants nothing to do with a failure and idiot of a male like me?” Azriel asked bitterly. “What then?”

"She won't," Rhys said calmly. "She won't, Azriel. She has been in love with you for years."

Azriel let out a sharp huff at Rhys’s statement. “Even more reason not to take me back,” he grumbled in response. “She’s loved me for that long and that’s all I come up with? Silence and stupidity? If I were her, I would reject me too."

"Just talk to her," Cassian said with a sigh. "We have enough other problems to deal with that aren't your brooding, Az."

There were so many other things to deal with. So many other things more important than his brooding.

Maybe there weren't many other things that were more important than his relationship with Eira, but still…

“Fine,” he mumbled at last, his shoulders slumping. “I’ll talk to her.” 

He needed to talk to her. Once she was awake. In the meantime… "What did you do to Amren?" he asked Rhys, who looked up startled.

“We had words,” Rhys said clippedly. “I suggested that she'll stay with Varian in the Summer Court for a few weeks. She’ll be welcome in Velaris when she can apologise to Eira and actually mean it.” Rhys’ voice was icy when he said that. “And I am due to have another conversation with Morrigan because I am not letting her get away with it either. Which reminds me, Cassian, you also owe Eira an apology,” Rhys pointed out evenly.

Cassian grimaced. “I know,” he admitted with a sigh. “I just really doubt that she wants to hear it,” he admitted quietly. 

Rhys sighed. "Which brings me to our next problem: I didn't want to push it...but we need to get Eira to train."

Azriel inhaled deeply and closed his eyes for a brief moment.

Of course, they would need to talk about that. Part of him was even surprised that Rhys had waited that long to bring up training.

"She needs control," Rhys continued, holding up a hand. "I am not talking about training her to kill anybody. I am talking about her learning to control her...lightning. And maybe some self-defence if she is up to that."

Azriel nodded in agreement. As much as he hated the thought of any sort of violence being aimed toward Eira — hated the mere idea of seeing her get hurt again — he knew that Rhys was right.

She needed to know how to control herself. To protect herself. She needed to know how to fight.

Azriel nodded again, raking a trembling hand back through his hair.

A part of him felt like he was betraying Eira by agreeing to this. Like he was failing her again. But another part, the part of him that was a warrior, that knew how to fight, that knew the dangers that came with not being able to defend yourself…that part of him agreed with Rhys.

"I'll be the bad guy," Rhys said with a sigh. "I'll be the one asking her. I hope I'll get away without outright ordering her."

Azriel let a small huff at Rhys’s comment.

He knew that if anyone had a chance at convincing Eira to train, it would be Rhys. But that didn’t help the pang of guilt at the thought of his mate receiving further training — being forced into training to begin with.

“And this arrived yesterday,” Rhys said with a sigh as he dropped an envelope in front of them. 

Azriel’s mouth flattened as he looked down at the envelope, his heart dropping at the sight of the Day Court symbol.

Cassian let out an identical, weary sigh as they also caught sight of the symbol.

Everyone in the room knew what that invitation meant.

"Feyre and I are required to attend," Rhys said quietly. "If Nesta won't go...there will be talk. Maybe less talk if Eira doesn't attend, but there will be talk about strive between the sisters, regardless of what information we feed them."

Azriel had to grit his teeth to hold back from letting out a snarl.

He knew Rhys was right. Knew that there would be talk no matter what.

But the thought of Eira being forced to attend that wedding...forced to endure Elain’s presence… He clenched his fist and took in a deep breath through his nose.

He was not going to like this. “If Eira goes, I go,” he spat out. 

Rhys’s mouth flattened for a moment, and Azriel braced himself for a fight.

Instead, his brother just gave him a short nod. “I expected nothing less, brother,” he said quietly.

****

Eira had slept. The first restful night in quite a while.

She still felt exhausted. Still felt like the world around her was...blurry. But it didn’t feel like all her energy had been sapped from her body, forcing her into unconsciousness.

It was an improvement.

"How are you feeling?" Feyre asked her softly. Nesta and she were curled around Eira in her bed...reminding her of their days in that bed in that cottage. Just one thing was lacking: Elain.

“I’m...better than I was last night,” she mumbled truthfully, pulling her blanket tighter around her shoulders. “…Still tired though.”

"You winnowed without training. That should probably be expected," Nesta said drily. 

"You also nearly put Amren on fire with your lightning," Feyre said with a grimace, and Eira flinched.

"She had that coming," Nesta growled. "What did she tell you? Were you a waste of life as well?" Eira flinched again, wrapping the blanket tighter around herself.

She didn’t want to talk about Amren. Didn’t want to talk about anything that had happened. Didn’t want to think about anything that had happened.

She just wanted to…sleep. She wanted to forget. Let her eyelids close. Drift away. Not feel so goddamn tired…

"She told her that not training her powers was a waste," Feyre said quietly. "That Eira owed it to me because I hunted and apparently kept her alive . It was absolutely out of line and ridiculous."

A fresh wave of heat rushed to Eira’s cheeks as Feyre explained what had happened, and a pang of shame went to her stomach. 

Because Amren was right. She did owe it to Feyre. That, and so much more. Feyre had cared for her. Hunted for her. Protected her. And what had Eira done in return? Nothing. Nothing but fail.

“You know-“ she began to ask, her words cutting awkwardly off as she felt a pang of guilt stabbed her chest.

“Yeah, I know what she said to you,” Feyre replied, her eyes soft. “Rhys got the whole thing out of her…He had a few things to say…I had a few choice words to say to her myself.”

Eira’s heart dropped into her stomach. She should’ve known that Rhys would have found out. He seemed to find out everything sooner or later. She winced, suddenly feeling even more guilty.

"I am sorry," Eira whispered. "I didn't want...I'll...I'll train. I'll learn how to control it. I'll..." She would hate every minute but if it made it easier for Feyre, she would...

“No,” Feyre told her softly, but firmly. “You will not be doing anything to make my life easier, Eira. You owe me nothing. Do you understand me?”

She wrapped her arms around Eira tightly and rested her head against Eira’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to do anything. For me. For anyone. Understand?” she murmured softly. 

"Training would be a good idea, but you don't need to do that for me," Feyre whispered. "Do it for yourself, Eira."

Eira’s throat tightened, and she swallowed thickly.

She didn’t want to do any sort of training. She didn’t want to do anything in that moment.

She just wanted to lie in bed. Forget about the world. And yet…she knew that training would be a smart idea. That she did need to learn how to control her...lightning. And she didn’t want a repeat of last night. With great reluctance, she swallowed again. “I…alright,” she mumbled. “I’ll…I’ll train. And learn how to control…my…lightning.“

She hated the words as soon as they escaped her mouth, but she didn’t take them back. She knew it was the right thing to do…even if she didn’t like it.

"I know you're not looking forward to it," Feyre said drily, and Eira smiled despite herself. A tiny, reluctant smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"Who's…going to…" she began, before trailing off. “Who's going to be training me?”

"Not Amren," Nesta snapped immediately.

The words were like a weight being lifted from Eira’s chest. She was relieved more than she cared to admit that Amren wouldn’t be the one training her…and then guilt immediately set in. She shouldn’t feel so relieved. So happy. Amren had done nothing but be harsh but the truth to her, and yet…she still couldn’t stop herself from being happy that the female wouldn’t be training her.

“…That, we know already,” Feyre deadpanned as she shot her sister a fond smile. “But you’re right. Nobody is thinking about having Amren train Eira. It’ll probably be Rhys if you are comfortable with that.”

She took a deep breath.

Rhys.

Rhys was…good. She could deal with Rhsy training her. Out of all the options…he was good. It could be worse, she tried to tell herself.

“Doesn't he have...anything more important to do?” Eira asked hesitantly.

She knew that Rhys was the High Lord and…surely he didn’t have time to deal with her. Surely, he had more important things to deal with than training some…somebody like her. 

She was…waste of time, and she didn’t want to be any more of a burden on him than she already was.

“He’ll figure it out,” Feyre replied, giving her a soft smile. “He’ll make time, Eira. He’s good like that.”

Nesta made an annoyed sound, making Feyre roll her eyes.

Eira swallowed again, the words not really doing anything to reassure her that she wasn’t wasting Rhys’s time.

Rhys was important. The High Lord. He shouldn’t have to waste his time with her . She knew that she couldn’t say those things. Couldn’t make Feyre or Nesta realize how ridiculous this whole thing was…how insane it was to have the High Lord of the Night Court as her teacher .

“It’ll be fine,” Feyre repeated, giving her shoulders a gentle squeeze. "Now...how was...your meeting with Azriel's mother yesterday?" Feyre asked. "I need to admit, I didn't even know that his mother was still....alive," she admitted with a grimace.

"He mentions her...very rarely," Nesta disagreed quietly. "She's a seamstress though...She made him a jacket he wore for solstice once."

Eira hadn't known that…but then she also hadn’t known that his mother was still alive. He had never mentioned her to Eira at all. And Esmeray…Esmeray was the last thing Eira wanted to talk about. Eira didn't want to walk about...about what she had said.

"She…was nice. Sweet, like Azriel," Eira answered quietly, swallowing. "She was...maternal. Not like our mother was." It was true. She was sweet…kind…lovely. 

Feyre and Nesta exchanged a glance. "But?" Feyre prompted her quietly. "Did she say....anything?"

Eira didn’t say anything, just closed her eyes. “Talk to us,” Nesta said softly. “What did she say, Eira?” 

"She figured out who I was after I told her my first name...and then she said that Azriel is fond of me but he is fonder of Elain..and that it's too bad that she is mated to another," Eira blurted out, her voice shaky. "He didn't tell her...He didn't tell her that our…that the mating bond had snapped." She could feel the tears burn in her eyes.

"Oh, Eira," Feyre breathed, sounding heartbroken for her.

"I am going to fucking kill him," Nesta muttered.

“Get in line,” Feyre grumbled, and Eira could just feel the scowl her friend was shooting at Azriel in her head.

She swallowed again, feeling the guilt and the shame and the hurt and the….everything, rising up in her chest.

She didn’t want to be upset at this. Didn’t want to feel like…like she had a claim over Azriel, but she couldn’t help the painful pang in her chest at the words Esmeray had said.

Too bad that Elain is mated to another… 

He is fonder of Elain… 

Those words, they just hurt. They burned. And she felt so...helpless.

And the thought that he hadn’t told his mother about their mating bond…it just made the pain even worse.

"Azriel...he said…when he asked me to court…he said that Elain was the pretty one but I was the kind one," Eira choked out. "He wanted her. I am just...I am just a consolation prize to him, aren't I?"

For a moment it was silent. 

"First of all," Feyre said firmly, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "You are not a consolation prize. Don't ever let me hear you say that again, alright? You are not a consolation prize, you are a treasure ."

"Second," she continued, her voice growing cold. "He is an idiot. Who the hell tells you that? Why would he say that?"

Eira shrugged, feeling her eyes burn.

She didn't know. She didn't understand why he would say that. Why he had said any of what he had said? 

But she knew that...part of her, part of her hoped that he had meant it in an endearing way. That he had called her kind because he liked that about her.

"I thought...I thought just having him could be enough," she whispered. "But how am I supposed to live my whole life knowing that he would be happier if he was mated to Elain? To be compared to her day, after day, and found lacking?"

"For Fuck's sake, Eira!" Nesta snapped.

"He only wants me because of the bond. And maybe because of the vision he saw...he wants the babies we would have together, but he doesn't want me," she choked out. "Every other female would suffice as well."

"Stop that. You know that's not true," Feyre said firmly, wrapping an arm around Eira's shoulders again. "He cares about you; I've seen it for myself."

Eira choked on a bitter laugh. "What does it matter," she whimpered. "He might care...but Elain is still what he wants. Nothing will change that...not even the Mating Bond."

"Azriel...he's an idiot," Nesra agreed angrily. "A complete idiot who can't see that you...you're right in front of him. Yeah, Elain may be the most beautiful out of us all, but she’s clearly bone deep ugly, if she…she tried to keep your babies from you?” Nesta asked and Eira just nodded, tears pouring out of her eyes. 

“A girl,” she choked out. “A girl. Azriel’s wings but my hair. We looked so happy in that stupid vision. And I was pregnant again.” 

Feyre’s mouth fell open as she stared at Eira in shock, while Nesta’s eyes hardened furiously. “She...really…” Feyre’s voice trailed off, sounding heartbroken.

Nesta let out a loud, furious snarl. “She’s a monster . Elain is a monster ,” she spat, her hands forming into fists. 

“She…she tried to keep my babies from me,” Eira repeated, tears dripping down her cheeks. “Azriel and I…looking happy…and...and now...I..."

She had to pause, the tears making it impossible for her to continue.

Both Feyre and Nesta wrapped their arms around her, hugging her tightly.

“It’s not fair,” she choked out. “It’s not fair. I saw us. I saw how happy we were…”

It was as clear as day in her memory. That vision of them in that garden, of Azriel kissing her, of the little girl being hoisted up in the air by him…

Eira had looked so happy. Everything had been so perfect, so right…it had almost made her dizzy. It had been everything she had ever wanted. 

Only to have it ripped away. To know that she’d had a chance at happiness, a chance at…of a family, of everything that she had always wanted…only to have it ripped away so cruelly…

It hurt. It hurt more than anything she’d ever felt in her entire life.

"It's not fair," she mumbled hopelessly, burying her face against Feyre's shoulder, tears streaming down her cheeks. "It's not fair...He wouldn’t have even cared…he wouldn’t have even…looked in my direction…if the bond hadn’t snapped…he wouldn’t even have looked at me…”

Don't cry, the shadows whispered, coming to wrap around her hands. Don't cry. Master was an utter fool. Blinded by a pretty face. But he does care about you. 

She let out a sob, feeling more of the shadows slide up her arms to wrap around her.

She didn’t know that. Azriel cared…but it didn’t change how he felt about Elain. It didn’t change that he didn’t care for her, for Eira. He only…he only wanted her because of the bond.

He only felt responsible for her because they were mates. All the...feelings...he had towards her...were all just because of the bond.

The shadows only continued to coil around her as she wept silently into Feyre’s shoulder, her heart aching.

She had known from the beginning that Azriel didn’t care for her beyond the bond.

But...until she had heard what Esmeray had said, and learned that he hadn’t told her the truth, she’d still had some tiny part of hope. Some small, stupid part of her that had clung to the hope that maybe, maybe, he would start to feel for her the same way that she felt for him.

"I loved him from the moment I saw him. I looked at him and it was...it was like coming home," she choked out.

“Of course you did,” Feyre said softly, gently stroking her hair as the tears continued to fall. “Of course you did…”

Nesta said nothing, the only sound that escaped her was a low, furious huff.

"I am really going to kill him," she hissed.

“Save some for me,” Feyre grumbled as she held Eira fiercely, her free hand rubbing soothing circles into her back.

His Mother had words for Master, the shadows said quietly, coiling themselves into her hair. He's brooding. 

“Good,” Nesta said firmly. “I hope he’s miserable.”

“Nes,” Feyre said quietly, giving her sister a gentle nudge.

“What?!” Nesta said, scowling. “Seriously, he deserves it.”

Eira couldn’t help the tiny part of her that felt bad for him…that felt guilty thinking about him being miserable.

She knew Azriel didn’t love her, and didn’t feel the same way, but…a part of her cared about him. She didn’t want him to be miserable.

 "Why is he brooding?" she asked quietly.

The shadows hummed again, making a soft whispering sound before they spoke again.

His Mother told him he was an idiot. 

"She did?" Feyre perked up in surprise, while Nesta’s mouth curled into a satisfied smirk.

Yes, the shadows confirmed, coiling themselves into Eira’s hair like a strange, sentient snake.

It made something warm stir in Eira’s chest, imagining Esmeray calling Azriel an idiot to his face. Master realised that he hasn't been doing right to you...Not with the courting and not with...anything else. 

The words made more tears burn in Eira’s eyes, while Feyre shifted to give her a gentle hug.

“He’s realising, huh?” she grumbled. “That he’s been screwing up?”

Yes. The shadows coiled a little tighter around her, almost as if they were trying to comfort her. It made her heart ache in a different way, feeling warm and painful at the same time.

Will you talk to him? the shadows asked softly. Let him apologise? 

She was upset, she was hurt. She didn’t want to talk to him. She wanted to avoid him and forget this whole mess even happened.

But the shadows...they wanted her to talk to him. They…wanted her to let him apologize.

Another wave of guilt and shame washed over her.

Azriel had done…nothing wrong. He hadn’t done anything wrong, he merely didn’t…care towards her.

He wanted the bond, he wanted the comfort, he wanted a mate, he just…he just didn’t want her .

The thought made a fresh wave of tears fill her eyes, which she promptly buried against Feyre’s shoulder.

Feyre hugged her tightly, while Nesta gently rubbed her back as the shadows continued to coil themselves around her. “It’s alright,” Feyre whispered soothingly, as more shadows drifted down to comfort her. “It’s going to be alright.”

The shadows continued to hum and shift, wrapping themselves around her like a protective, comforting blanket. It was somewhat soothing, the sensation of their coolness, the feel of them wrapping around her, almost like they were trying to tell her it would be alright.

Master has a lot to say to you, the shadows spoke up again. Please, just listen to him, Eira. 

So she just nodded.

Thank you. 

The shadows hummed again, coiling a little tighter around her, and it was almost as if she could feel a sort of pleasure coming from them that she had agreed to talk to Azriel, to listen to whatever he had to say.

"But they'll stay," she choked out, pulling Nesta's hand tight around herself.

“Of course,” Feyre said instantly, wrapping her arms around her as well. “We’ll both stay. We’re not going anywhere.”

“Damn right,” Nesta said, tightening her grip as well. “I may need to restrain myself from knocking any sense into him.”

In any other situation, Eira may have laughed at that, but instead, all she did was give a shaky nod, letting herself be pulled in tight by her sisters.

The gesture was comfort, the feel of them around her reassuring and warm, even as her heart ached in her chest.

A few seconds later, the door opened slowly, and Azriel walked into the room.

Every bit of his usually impassive, stoic demeanour was gone, replaced by a look of anxiety and worry. Eira could see the tension in his shoulders, and the way his hands were clenched into fists.

He stopped a few meters away from them, his gaze locking on Eira instantly.

She could feel his eyes raking over her, like a physical caress, taking in the sight of her clearly tear-stained face. The way her hands were being clutched by Feyre and Nesta.

He looked desperate like he wanted to walk over and touch her, but one glimpse at the way Feyre and Nesta had her wrapped in their arms had him hesitating.

"How...how are you feeling?" he asked her, and she could see his throat bob as he swallowed.

“How do you think she is, you idiot?” Nesta snapped, her voice low and cutting.

Azriel didn't pay any attention to her, his gaze firmly locked on Eira, staring at her as if he was waiting for her to say something.

And Eira…she had no idea what to say. She had absolutely no idea.

She sat there silently, letting words and thoughts and questions swirl in her mind, but saying nothing. And it only seemed to make the tension in Azriel’s shoulders grow even more, the worry in his gaze deepened.

“Eira…” he breathed out, his voice soft and raw, and she could see his hands twitch like he wanted to reach for her. “Can…can we talk?”

Both Feyre and Nesta tensed, their grip on her tightening.

"You can talk. She will listen," Nesta said, her voice icy. "And then she can decide if she wants to take pity on you, or if she never wants to see you again. Did you seriously tell my sister that Elain was prettier than her in the same breath as you asked to court her?!?"

Azriel closed his eyes, looking pained at that, and she could see his shoulders slump. But he didn’t deny it, didn’t try to defend himself, and Eira just…felt her heart ache even more.

"I was an idiot," he said quietly, his voice low and thick. "I…I was a fool."

He sounded so miserable when he said that, and something in Eira just…wanted to tell him to stop, to tell him that this was hurting her more than he seemed to comprehend…but she just sat there, saying nothing, letting the tears still fall silently down her cheeks.

Azriel took a few steps closer, his gaze still firmly fixed on her. He looked miserable, like a wounded animal, like he was in pain.

And a small part of her…a small, stupid part of her wanted to reach out to him. Wanted to tell him it was going to be alright, to hug him and tell him she wasn’t angry.

But it wasn’t going to be alright, and she was angry. So she said nothing.

The silence seemed to drag on, the tension rising thicker in the room. The two sisters held her tighter still, their hands clenched around her, their own gazes fixed on Azriel, shooting glares at him.

It made him look even more miserable, and she could see him taking another cautious step forward.

“Eira…” he tried again, his voice so soft and pleading. “Please, please say something…”

The silence seemed to drag on, the tension rising thicker in the room. The two sisters held her tighter still, their hands clenched around her, their own gazes fixed on Azriel, shooting glares at him.

It made him look even more miserable, and she could see him taking another cautious step forwards.

“Eira…” he tried again, his voice so soft and pleading. “Please, please say something…”

"What do you want me to say, Azriel?" she asked, her voice weak. She wanted to scream and shout but she didn't have it in herself.

"What do you want me to say? Do you want me to talk about how your mother had absolutely no clue that we are mates ? How she told me that you were fond of me but fonder of Elain? How it was just too bad that Elain was mated to another male?!"

She could see his body go tense at that, his eyes widening.

It hurt her, to see the realization and pain slowly spreading over his face. He knew what she had gone through, what she had to hear, the truth that his mother had revealed.

But he didn’t understand. He had absolutely no idea just how much all that had hurt her.

"I thought I was alright with it. I thought I could live with it. I could live with the fact that you didn't actually want me. That you wanted the life that vision promised you...that you were in love with my twin sister and not with me."

The words stung both Azriel and her.

She could see him shifting, and hear a low, pained sound leaving his lips. She could see something in his expression…a pain and hurt so deep she couldn’t even find the words to describe it.

"You…you think I don't want you...?" he breathed out, his voice so low she almost didn't hear it.

"You don't want me," Eira choked out. "You wanted Elain. And before that, you wanted Morrigan. And then Elain's vision promised you me and you go along with it, because of the mating bond."

Azriel flinched at that like each word was a physical blow. He looked sick, the misery on his face growing with each statement.

And a part of her was satisfied, seeing him look like that, seeing him look in pain. It was what he deserved after everything that he had done.

But the other part of her…the other part of her ached and bled at every expression of pain on his face.

The silence again continued to drag on, the air still and tense with the heavy atmosphere between the two of them.

He hadn’t denied it, she knew he hadn’t denied it. He hadn’t said that she was wrong, that she was wrong in thinking the only reason he pursued her was because of the bond.

The thought made her eyes sting, tears brimming and overflowing. Her heart ached, hurt, felt like it was bleeding.

"I am sorry," he whispered. "I am so sorry, Eira."

The words stung, just as much as they gave her hope.

Her heart was aching in her chest, tears still falling slowly down her cheeks. Her shoulders trembled, and she took in a few shaky breaths.

She had been hurt by him. He had never even considered her before the bond had snapped. And he hadn’t denied it when she had called him out on it.

And still, she wanted him to fix this. Wanted him to find some way to fix this.

"I am not...I am not going and try to defend myself," he whispered. "I am not going and lie to you. And yes, Eira. I did see that vision and I felt that Mating Bond and I did want to pursue you. Because I want that future. I want that future with you."

She wanted that future with him as well, she longed for it, but she wanted him to come to her because he wanted her. Because he desired her, the vision be damned.

But instead, she came second fiddle to an image in a vision. Instead, she came last to Elain and Mor.

"And I went about it wrong," Azriel continued. "I should have...I should have actually made the effort to get to know you, Eira. I should have talked to you. I should have asked what you wanted. I should have asked for your favourite colour. And I should have..."

He trailed off, the words leaving him in a choked gasp. Eira could see the misery on his face, the suffering.

He looked completely miserable, his hands clenching into fists, his shoulders hunched and tensed, but he kept on going, his voice thick and low in his throat.

"I should have cared. I should have seen you. I should have noticed you."

"And I can't change it. I can't change what I did know. I fucked up, Eira. I fucked up so badly, that you have every reason and every right not to want to see me for centuries."

The words stung, and Eira just…she ached.

She ached, she hurt, and everything inside her had tears welling. She ached because…she wanted to forgive him. She wanted to give him a second chance.

But the thought of being second rate again, of being the last choice…it hurt.

But…she couldn’t tear her gaze away from him, either. Couldn’t look away from the sight of how miserable he was, how distressed and in pain.

It hurt, it hurt so badly…but a part of her just wanted to hug him, to reassure him…Azriel took another few steps towards her, his eyes fixed on hers. He looked so wretched, his eyes pained, his whole body shaking as if it was taking him a monumental effort to remain standing there. To force himself to remain standing so close to her, to keep looking at her.

He was still a good few meters away from her, but the expression on his face, the look in his eyes…

It was like he was in agony.

She could see his hands clenching into fists, and could hear him taking a shaky breath.

"You…you don’t have to forgive me, or even want to talk to me again," he said, and she could hear how hard it was for him to form those words.

It hurt…it hurt seeing him look so miserable, looking like he was in pain. And it hurt because she wanted him. She still wanted him.

And the fact that it hurt was what got to her, what finally made her move. She shoved off Feyre and Nesta, who were still holding her, both of them looking startled.

They protested, clearly wanting to hold her back, but Eira pushed her way through, walking towards him.

Azriel hadn’t moved, his body going tense, his eyes going wide as she approached him.

And she hated that part of herself. She hated how much she still wanted him, despite everything that had happened. How much she ached for him, in ways that should be impossible.

It was a sharp, dull ache, a desperate and constant pain, a desire to reach out to him, to pull him closer, and at the same time, shove him as far away as possible.

She wanted to shove him away, push him further away. She wanted to tell him to suffer, to hurt the way she was hurting.

But at the same time…she wanted to pull him closer. To feel his skin against hers, under her fingertips. To feel his arms around her, holding her tight, his lips against her skin.

It was maddening. He was maddening.

“I am sorry,” he said, the truth flowing like clear spring water from his words. “I am so sorry. And I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.”

His words…she wanted to believe them. Wanted to believe that he was being sincere, that he truly was sorry, that he wanted to make it up to her.

And a small, naive, foolish, hopeful part of her, the part that was desperate and hopeful and greedy, did believe him. Wanted to latch onto the words, to hold them tight and not let go.

“I want to get to know you. I want to learn your favourite colour and your favourite place in Velaris. I want..”

He paused, taking a shaky breath. His eyes were still fixed on hers, pleading and desperate and aching, his entire body practically aching with the need to come closer.

“I want to learn everything there is to know about you. I want to learn about your smile and your laugh and your tears. I want to be with you, Eira.”

The words…they were everything that she wanted to hear. Everything that she had wished he would tell her, and more. They felt like a caress, like a gentle breeze, a soft comfort. And they hurt.

They hurt because she wanted to believe him, wanted to reach out and hold him close. Wanted to forgive him and let herself be close to him in the way she longed for.

“I want to be with you,” he repeated, his words a choked gasp. “I want to court you. I want to mate you. I want to…I want…”

He trailed off, choking on the words, taking another deep breath. His body was shaking, his shoulders tense, his expression aching with the effort of it all.

He looked in pain, so utterly hurt, like every word out of his mouth was agony. But he was still talking, still trying to get out the words, trying to make her understand.

“I want to spend every waking moment of my day with you,” he continued, his tone so raw and open and aching. “I want to wake up with you and go to sleep with you. I want to hear your voice and see your face every damn day.”

“I’ll do better, I’ll be better,“ he whispered.

He sounded so desperate, his voice thick and raw and pleading. It was like he was being ripped apart from the inside like he was in physical pain.

And Eira…she couldn’t help it.

She couldn’t help but believe his words, couldn’t help but let her stubborn, foolish heart hope.

“Please,” he continued, his voice breaking. “Please, please give me a second chance. I’ll…”

Another breath, another choked gasp. His shoulders hunched, his fists clenching tighter.

“I’ll do anything, just please give me a second chance. Give me the chance to right this. Give me the chance to prove to you…prove to you how much I want you. Just…give me another chance.”

His voice was so raw, so open, the look in his eyes pure pleading. He looked like he was ready to beg, ready to do anything for her. Anything to give him another chance.

And her heart, her foolish, stupid, hopeless heart…the part that wanted to hold onto him, to forgive him, to give him that chance ached.

She still hurt, still ached, the words from his mother still so fresh in her mind. The thought of being second, of being his last choice…it was a sharp blow against her.

But at the same time, she couldn’t stop the part of her that wanted to hold onto him. That longed for just a chance, just a moment where he was hers, where she was first and last and everything in his heart.

Azriel looked ready to continue, but he stopped when he saw the look on her face, her conflicting emotions warring inside her chest.

He closed his eyes, his shoulders dropping. He was probably expecting her to say no, to turn him down. He probably expected her to…

To do the sensible, rational thing. But sensibility and rationality were the last things she was feeling right now.

Her heart was aching, her body trembling, her emotions a swirl of conflicting feelings. Her mind was screaming at her, telling her just how idiotic she was for considering this.

And at the same time, her heart was yearning, longing for him. Wanting to grab onto him and never let go.

Azriel’s entire body was shaking, his eyes still closed, looking like he was bracing himself for her answer, for the words he expected her to say.

The words she should say, the words that would send him away, that would make her turn and walk away.

And yet…she found herself taking a step closer towards him. And then another.

She wasn’t even sure why she was doing it, why her body was moving before she even knew it, her mind screaming at her to stop and turn around and walk away.

But she kept moving towards him, each step sending a strange, giddy rush shooting through her, her heart aching and fluttering at the same time.

And she stopped in front of him, less than a foot of space separating them, her eyes fixed on his.

Azriel still hadn’t opened his eyes, his face tense and taut as if waiting for the blow to come.

But the blow never came.

Because Eira reached out, her fingers trembling as she reached up to touch his cheek.

Azriel's entire body jerked as if he had been struck, a gasp leaving his mouth. His eyes flew open, shock and surprise clear on his face.

But he didn’t move, didn't pull away or even flinch as her fingers made contact with his skin.

He just stood there, frozen as he stared at her.

Her hand trembled, her throat tight as she felt the warmth of his skin. His face was tense, his breath catching with every moment her fingers remained against his skin, like he was fighting the urge to turn his head and press his lips to her skin.

“Eira,” he breathed out, the word a whispered plea, a prayer. And then he seemed to realize he had moved, was on the edge of reaching out to her in turn.

But he caught himself, his hands hanging at his sides. He was holding himself back, holding himself from reaching for her…

And somehow, that made her even more determined, her decision stronger.

She wanted him to reach for her, wanted his hands on her skin, wanted him to hold her close and never let go.

She slid her hand along his cheek, her palm caressing his jaw. And she stepped even closer, closing the very last bit of distance between them.

They were so close, her body almost pressed flush against him. He was so warm, his body burning, and so large, like a rock, unflinching and steady against her.

She could feel him trembling, just barely holding himself back from wrapping his arms around her. His eyes were fixed on hers, longing and pleading and aching.

Her breath caught when she realized how closely she was pressed against him, how only a fraction of distance separated their bodies. She could practically feel his racing heart under her skin, hear every quick and desperate breath leaving his mouth.

He was breathing fast, ragged and sharp, every little inhale shuddering from his lips like a gasp. He looked like he was about to snap, his entire body visibly trembling like a taut thread on the edge of snapping.

“Don’t do it again,” she said softly. “I won’t…I won’t be able to go through it a second time.”

Her words seemed to hit him like a physical blow, his breath hitching in his chest. She could see the pain that flared on his face at her words.

“I-I won’t. I swear,” he responded, and his voice was so gentle, like he was talking to a wounded bird. “I swear on my life, I’ll never let you go through that again.”

He was holding himself back, every muscle and sinew in his body tense with the effort of it. It was like he was fighting the urge to pull her flush against him, to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight.

“I swear, Eira,” he repeated, his voice a low and achingly sincere promise. “I swear I’ll be better. I’ll be everything you need, anything you want.”

“The only thing I want is for you to be yourself. I want you. All of you.”

A choked gasp left his mouth, his eyes going wide. He looked almost stunned like he couldn’t quite process what she had said.

“I…you want me?” he asked, his voice rough and raw, filled with disbelief.

She nodded, her heart hammering in her chest. “Yes. I want you,” she confirmed, her voice firm and unwavering.

The words had a strange effect on him. It was like they had knocked the air from his lungs, leaving him looking completely awed and shocked.

He took another shuddering breath, his body trembling as he stared down at her. “You…you really still want me?” he asked his voice barely a whisper.

And just like that, the dam broke inside him. He reached out, pulling her flush against his body, his arms wrapping tight around her.

His head dropped to her shoulder, his body shuddering as he pressed his face against the crook of her neck. “I’ll do better,” he whispered, his voice ragged and raw and desperate. “I’ll be better. I’ll be the male you deserve. I promise.”

His body was shaking against hers, holding her tight like he was afraid she would disappear. He was breathing fast, hard and frantic, his chest rising and falling against her body frantically.

She could feel him shaking like a leaf, every muscle in his body taut and tense as he held her tight but oh so gently. And under that, she could feel his racing heart, beating so fast and intense that it was dizzying.

“I’ll be everything you need,” Azriel repeated, his lips moving against her skin, his words spoken in a low, ragged whisper. “I’ll be your male, your mate. I’ll never leave you, never hurt you or let you down again. I swear it, Eira, I swear it on my life.”

His fingers were digging into her skin, clinging to her so tightly that she could feel the slight, sharp pressure of his hands against her like he was trying to hold her to him, keep her as close as possible.

He was holding her so tightly that it should have hurt, but it only felt good. It felt like a comfort, a reassurance like he would never let her go.

[pit-and-the-pen]

Unrequited Love

A/N: I had to get to the airport to return a rental car like 5 hours early so I’m so sorry for the pure amount that I’ve been posting today but as a socially awkward girly, if I’m on my own phone then for sure no one is going to talk to me.

Anywho here is some angsty angst about day court!reader and Azriel.

Part 2: Here Alt Ending: Here Part 3: Here

Forgive any typos I wrote this on my phone.

Warnings: none

WC-1.4K

————————————————————————

My blood was boiling beneath my skin. Azriel has been complaining for the better part of an hour about Rhys gag order regarding Elain. I was trying not to roll my eyes as I had reached my wits end with his lamenting.

“I just don’t understand why he needs to meddle in this. I get she’s Feyre's sister but he doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” he runs a hand through his hair and leans back in his chair. “I just can’t help but think that sometimes the cauldron gets it wrong.”

His words were spoken so plainly. Anger wanes for a second as I swear I could feel my heart break inside my chest. The words seemed to echo in my head Maybe the cauldron gets it wrong. I almost would have rather had him carve out my heart with truth teller.

“What do you think?” He asks me and I sit reeling over his words. I can’t think of anything to say to him. The comforting words I would normally have for him can’t get past the anger starting to cloud my vision. So I simply shrug, avoiding the question. Desperately trying to change the subject.

“So this new book I’m reading…”

“Oh c’mon.” He interrupts me. “I know you have something to say. And I trust your advice more than anyone else. There isn’t anyone else I would rather talk to about this.” His eyes softened as he looked towards me. Instead of melting under his gaze like I normally do, red bites at the edge of my vision.

“I think you should leave her the hel alone.” My tone is not gentle. He freezes.

“What?”

“She has a mate already. And regardless of if you think the cauldron got it right. Lucien is the one mated to Elain,” I tried to keep my voice neutral. “And Lucien is a wonderful male who has been through a lot of shit. He deserves someone as sweet as Elain, if she ever comes around. You should stop meddling.”

His mouth opens, when no words come out, he closes it again. You see the muscles in his jaw tick as he clenches his teeth.

“What has gotten into you? When did you become Lucien’s spokesperson?” He spits at me. His face starts to get closer to mine as he leans over the table, slowly starting to rise to his feet.

The sane part of me is telling me to stand down. That one of the most powerful warriors in all of Prythian was starting to get angry at me. My mate was starting to get mad at me. But I would not cave under his intimidation.

“I became his spokesperson when you showed no respect for him. Or for Elain.” I noticed I was starting to get to my feet. “What about what she wants? She doesn’t owe you anything more than she owes Lucien. Rhys told you to stay away from a girl you feel entitled to and now you want to mope like a petulant teenager. Grow up Azriel.” He flinches before something stoney sets in his eyes.

“At least I’ve actually told her how I felt. What about you?” My stomach drops into my knees. “Sitting and pining over the same person for a century.”

“You knew?” My voice was nothing more than a whisper. This was not happening. I should have left when I had the chance.

“It’s not like you tried to hide it. I thought at some point you would get the hint that it wasn’t going to happen but yet there you always were trailing behind me like a sad little puppy.”

My hands on the table started to glow faintly. My anger was finally breaking through the surface.

“You asshole. You stupid Illyrian bastard.” The smirk that graced his face fell instantly. “After everything that I’ve done for you, you want to use my feelings for you as some fucking weapon against me.”

Even I was surprised at the venom in my words but I was on a roll. “I sat by for five hundred years. I sat by as you pined over Mor, someone I consider my sister. I felt that bond go unreturned.” He completely froze at my words. Words I have never spoken out loud to anyone.

“Wait-“

“No. You get to hear this shadowslinger.” I pressed my finger to his chest and he stepped back like I had hit him. A small part of me wishes I had. But this. This right here is why Rhys kept me around. I didn’t need to throw a punch to put someone on their knees.

“I followed you around like a lost puppy and you loved it. Every second of it. I was stupid enough at some point to believe that it was because you felt it too. And I couldn’t get away from those feelings,could get away from you. Every time I tried I would damn near drive myself crazy and then you would smile or say some funny joke and I was right back to where I started.” I willed the slight shake in my voice to disappear. “You just wanted to feel important because the one you truly loved wouldn’t have even entertained the thought. Took other males into her bed, but not you right? So why not go for the next available thing. Me. Who cares if I got hurt? Who cares that I still fucking loved you through all of it? Not you clearly. You played me like a fucking fiddle and I played my part well.”

When I finally looked back up at his face I saw nothing but a shell of the male that stood in front of me. Even his shadows had retreated from his side. Looking down I realized they were sitting at my feet. I pushed down the glimmer of something I didn’t have time to think about at the sight.

“Please. Just stop.” He pleaded.

“Why? Because it hurts to hear? Fuck you. “And you think that didn’t hurt me too?” I watched him pale. “You didn’t think it killed me to feel that empty weight in my chest every time I looked at you. Everyday that I waited and wished that you would feel that stupid bond I’ve had to live with for the last two centuries.”

He gasped at my words cutting me off

“You never told me about that. I just thought it was… I don’t know… I thought it was a crush like how I felt with Mor”

A muscle in my jaw ticked. “I shouldn’t have had to! The whole point is that you feel it too. Bonds aren’t supposed to be one sided but for some gods unknown reason, you didn’t,” I felt the anger really starting to boil over.

“Every time I heard you rambling on and on about how perfect Mor was, about the females you took into your bed. I sat by all of it, for what? Three sisters for three brothers?!” I was screaming now, my hands shaking by my side

“What happens when she’s all fixed up too Azriel? When she feels this same thing I feel when she looks at Lucien. Onto the next one for me to hear about I guess . Always on the sidelines. Always the sweet face to come back to at the end of the day but never the one you want to be with.” I took a deep breath for the words about to come out of my mouth, steeling my nerves.

“I’m done. With this. With you. Fuck this entire gods damned city. I will not sit by and play second to whoever you deem worthy enough for the rest of my life.”

He held up his hand like he was going to reach up for me but the light that was glowing off my skin was warning enough.

“Where will you go?” Was all he had the nerve to say.

I let out a cold, twisted laugh. “Anywhere but here. Hel I could finally go home. Helion has

been asking me to come back for years now. All I know it will be somewhere where you can’t come and ruin another half a century of my life. Because that’s what you did. I wasted all this time on someone I knew wouldn’t love me. But I can agree with you on something, Azriel.” I paused long enough to see the hope in his eyes as he whispered “what?”

“That sometimes the cauldron does get it wrong.”

I walked out of that room with my head held high

[lunajay33]

All in my Head🖤

Summary: You’ve been head over heels for Azriel since you were kids but never said anything, but when Elain enters our lives you spiral and everyone can see how much you’re breaking what will happen when Az finally notices

Pairing: Azriel x f!reader

Warnings: depression, lack of eating

•Masterlist•

Flashback

“Come on Az I just wanna play!” I squealed excited that Rhys finally let me play with his friends

“I don’t know, why would you wanna play with me” he said glum as ever

“Because I like you now come on cas and whys are waiting for us!” I said taking his hand and running towards the others and that’s how our little group formed

Present

Ever since I met Azriel I knew I loved him he was so kind and amazing even if he didn’t show that side to others I knew him deep down but how do I tell him he’s my mate? It’ll ruin everything

“Hey sis what’s running around that head of yours now?” Rhysand asked as he sat on the couch next to me

“The usual” I sighed putting my book aside, Rhys always knew how to read my feelings, sometimes it was a curse but he was always there for me

“Just tell him you never know what’ll happen”

“I don’t know I’ll…..I’ll think about it okay”

“Okay as long as you consider it” he smiles

But then everything got in the way, Feyre entered our lives and I was so happy my brother found someone to love him the way he deserves but then her two sisters came soon after and what happened just ruined me

Azriel couldn’t take his eyes off of Elain, he spent all his time with her everything was about her and he started to pull away from me

I started spending more time with Mor and Cas they always cheered me up sometimes even the presence of amren was better than sitting with my thoughts alone

“Honey I think you need a girls day out, come on we will go shopping and make Cassian carry everything” she said making me laugh which felt strange these days

“Okay!” With that me Mor and Cassian walked the streets of velaris having a great day for once

“Oh Cassian this would look amazing on you!” I said holding up a red wine colored silk button up shirt

“You think?”

“Of course I’m getting it for you! You’ll look amazing”

“You don’t have to I can get it” he said fumbling for his money

“No you’re my best friend it’s just a little treat from me okay?”

“God you’re amazing” he smiled

“Hey y/n what do you think of this dress?” Mor asked behind us holding up a simple sapphire dress that flared at the waist and came to mid thigh

“It’s cute!”

“I think you should get it, maybe it’ll catch the eye of a certain someone!” She said winking making my face heat up

“Oh I don’t know Mor”

“Come on you have to try”

“Ugh fine but only because I know you won’t quit”

I paid for everything and we made our way back to the House of Wind hanging out in my room, Cas tried on his shirt and like I thought he looked amazing and they convinced me to try on the dress

“Well what do you think?” I asked nervously fiddling with the hem

“Angel you look stunning” cas said mouth open in awe

“Really?”

“Oh girl if only you were mine” Mor laughed as she made you twirl

“Stop you’re embarrasing me”

“You know I think this is the perfect moment for you to go tell him” with all the compliments it boosted my courage and I agreed

“I’m gonna do it!”

“Go get him girl” Mor said excited as they waited in my room, I ventured down the hall to Azriels room where he spent most of his time, but when I turned the corner what I saw felt like an arrow through my heart

“I love you Elain” he said as she pulled him into a passionate kiss

I turned quickly not wanting to hear or see anything else, I ran back to my room in tears, cas and Mor quick to question

“Hey said he loves her, they kissed”

“Oh Angel I’m so sorry” Cassian said holding me in his arms, after hours of crying I settled down and just wanted to be alone now

“Let us know if you need anything” Mor stated before they left leaving me in the darkness that was my heart

They days went by and I never left my room for anything, they’d bring me food but I never bothered knowing I couldn’t stomach it

Hearing a knock on my door before it opened Rhys quickly sitting by me on the bed

“Oh my little star, it kills me to see you like this” he said pulling me into his chest

“It hurts Rhys” I said clutching my chest

“I know sis I know”

“It feels like I’m dying, maybe I’ll be happy then”

“Hey don’t say that, you never say that”

“Maybe it’s for the better” I said pulling away and laying in bed

“What can i do” he asked rubbing my back

“Nothing can help me now Rhys just….just go be with Feyre”

“You know I love you”

“I know” he placed a kiss to the top of my head before leaving

The cycle continued until one night I had enough, I packed a small bag and left in the middle of the night, it was hard with how frail I’ve become and how numb I feel, but I walked along velaris to the mountains till all that was left of velaris was a distant light, I came to a cliff out looking the ocean, I first came here with Azriel when he needed to get away for a bit where I realized he was my mate

Seeing the sun rise I pulled out all the little gifts my family had given my that I held dear to my heart, a little star figurine from Rhys, a necklace from Cassian and a antique ring from Mor, then a diary that Azriel handmade for me I laid them all out before me missing what I use to have, remembering how things use to be

“I love you all” I stood up teetering on the edge of the cliff, about to take my last breath feeling the wind blow across my face I fell forward when I hear Rhys scream in my head

“Y/N NO” his scream making me flinch but it was too late as the ocean surface neared, I sighed in relief before arms circled around me and suddenly I was on the cliffs surface again

“Rhys no why’d you stop me, I was gonna be free” I scream turning to see it was Azriel not Rhysand

“What the hell were you thinking?” He said anger laced in his voice

“Just let me go”

“No we’re going home” he sighed packing my little bag up and winnowing us back to the house of wind, everyone was sat around anxiously, but when they saw me Rhys ran to me holding me close but I couldn’t shed anymore tears there was no more left, I’ve become a shell

“Oh my little star”

“I’m tired Rhys, I’m so tired”

“Why didn’t we just let her do it she’s so obviously done” Elain stated making the others gasp

“Get out” Azriel growled shocking everyone even myself

“But baby…”

“No you get out of this house, you never speak to my family like that, especially not her” with that elain stomped out having a long walk ahead of her

“Come on let’s get you to bed Angel” Cas said as he picked up my frail and exhausted body

“I can take her” Az said making my heart skip a beat from its frozen state

“Is that okay Angel?” I looked up at cas and nodded

Soon being in Azriels arms it just felt right he was so warm

Azriel placed me down on the bed covering me tight, pushing away stray hairs

“How did this happen, I haven’t even noticed anything” he sighed a defeated look on his face

“How could you, you haven’t talked to me in months Az” I whispered out

“I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I was so confused and the whole time you’ve been in front of me”

“What do you mean”

“When Rhys called for me to save you, I felt it in my chest the fear of losing you, of never being able to show you how much you mean to me, it snapped, you’re my mate”

“I know” his eyes widened littered with sadness

“What when? Why didn’t you tell me”

“I’ve known for centuries, that day we shared on the cliff, but I think I’ve always known, I wanted you to love me for me, not the bond”

“Mother above I’m so sorry, but I swear I’ll spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you, how your eyes sparkle when you’re talking about something you love, or how you always smell like vanilla and it makes my heart beat against my chest when you walk by, I love everything about you, just please give me a chance” he was now crying which I barely ever saw

“I’ll give you a chance as but…..but I need time”

“I understand just let me help you my love” I nodded feeling my heart start to thaw for the first time in months

[serpentandlily]

Untouchable Part IX Teaser

Untouchable - Azriel x Rhysand'sSister!Reader

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

“I’m not waiting any longer,” Azriel growled at his High Lord. “I’m leaving. Now.”

Both Azriel and Rhysand looked worse for wear. Rhys’s face was littered with bruises and cuts and Azriel was sure he looked no better. But he didn’t care. All he cared about right now was that his mate was in the hands of that fucking sorcerer and he was going to rip that male apart limb by limb for ever thinking he could take her.

“We need to think this through, Az,” Feyre pleaded. “If you rush in, you’ll end up dead and be of no help to Y/n.”

Azriel’s hands tightened into fists. These past two days had been hell. Once Rhys had misted the Prince in the clearing, he had winnowed the three of them back to Velaris—to start planning their rescue mission.

He hadn’t even gotten two words out before Azriel pounced on him. He could barely remember those first few hours after she had been taken. All he knew was the anger he felt—the rage. The mating bond snapping into place. The bargain breaking. And her…his love being taken away from him, his heart and soul with her. 

And Rhys, the fucking asshole, had been at the center of his anger. For making him agree to that bargain with him in the first place. For making him stay away from her—his mate.

It had taken Cassian, Mor and Feyre to pull them apart that day. 

He had stopped starting fights with Rhys but his anger still pulsed under his skin, ready to strike at a moment's notice. 

"We've had plenty of time to think,” Azriel snapped at his High Lady, causing Rhys’s head to shoot up with a warning glare. 

“Watch your tone,” Rhys bit back at him.

“Fuck you, Rhys!” Azriel slammed his scarred hands down on the desk between them. “I’m going and I swear to the Gods if you try to stop me, I’ll rip your throat out!” 

“No, fuck you, Azriel!” Rhys yelled, standing up to his full height. “Stop acting as if you’re the only one affected by this! She was my sister long before she was your mate! Maybe if you hadn’t gone behind my back—” 

“Maybe if you hadn’t made us make that stupid bargain with you in the first place, we would’ve never had to! I could’ve had centuries with her. You stole all those years from us!” 

The second the bond snapped between him and his mate, Azriel swore he lived a whole lifetime. A whole lifetime they hadn’t been afforded. It had all flashed right before his eyes. His mate…His beautiful mate. She deserved so much better than this and as soon as he got her back in his arms, he would give her the whole world. He'd tear the sun from the sky if it would make her happy. 

“Guys, stop! This fighting between the two of you has only made things worse! Fight all you want once we get Y/n back, but you need to focus. Both of you. For her sake,” Feyre snapped.

Azriel ran a hand through his hair, letting out a noise of frustration. His shadows swarmed around him like a monsoon—screaming his mate’s name over and over again in agony. “You don’t understand, Feyre. Every single time I feel her…during those tiny moments she slips through to the bond…all I feel is her pain. He’s torturing her. How am I supposed to sit here while my mate is being tortured?” 

He turned away from them, unable to look at Rhys any longer as a few tears slipped down his cheeks. He had completely and utterly failed his mate. Had let her get into the arms of an enemy. This was all his fault…all of it. She would’ve never even ran away from Velaris if he had never tried to move on with Elain last year. He put those thoughts in her head and there was nothing he regretted more in his life. He had never wanted Elain. He had never even wanted Mor. He had tried, when he thought Rhys’s sister was off limits, to move on. But he had never, ever stopped loving her. He had never felt anything for anyone other than her. 

And she had been ripped away from him before they could even have a life together. 

“That’s it,” Rhys whispered from behind him. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner.”

“What?” Azriel snarled, whipping around. 

“You said you can feel her sometimes—through the bond, right?”

Azriel nodded his head, crossing his arms. 

Rhys stroked his jaw in thought. “He must be drugging her with faebane. But not consistently. There must be small moments when it wears off before he gives her another dose. That’s why you can feel her sometimes.” 

“Where are you going with this?” Feyre asked.

“We can use the mating bond to tell us when to act,” Rhys explained. “When Azriel can feel her, we know her magic is regenerating. We should stop looking at this as battle and more like a stealth mission. We bait Koschei into coming to the water’s edge the moment Azriel feels my sister down the bond—act like we are declaring war. Keep him distracted long enough for her to get back most of her power. Meanwhile, Azriel can slip into the cabin, release her from whatever binds he has her in and get her out.” 

“What about the wards around the cabin? No one can winnow in or out. Even Az’s shadows might set it off.”

“I’ll have to get inside without using any magic,” Azriel said. “I can do it. I can get to her. As long as you keep him distracted and buy me enough time.” 

“Helion has given Y/n some lessons on setting and breaking wards,” Rhys added. “Once she sees you, once she realizes she’s being saved, she can start working on breaking them so she can winnow the two of you out.” 

“And you trust that she’ll be able to do that?” Feyre asked. 

Rhys let out a long sigh. Azriel knew how much it would pain him to have to force his sister to save herself. Rhys had always been the one doing the heavy lifting for their family, always keeping his sister as protected as he could, especially after she almost died. But he couldn’t save her this time. 

He’d need to have faith in her.

“She can do it,” Azriel declared, full of confidence in his mate’s abilities. “She is not that little girl in the woods anymore, Rhys. You’ve trained her. I’ve trained her. She is more than capable of this.”

“I know she’s not,” Rhys whispered. “She hasn’t been. Not for a long time. And I’m sorry, Azriel, I truly am. You’re right. I should’ve never forced you to make that bargain.”

“Save your apology for when I get my mate back,” Azriel spat out.

[moonfawnx]

Might be an unpopular opinion, doesn’t matter if you’re an elriel or an elucien, but i DO believe that Elain should apologise to Lucien in the next book.

Hear me out.

The bond was discovered, 2+ years ago. She has had plenty’s of time to think and has been imo rude towards Lucien these past 2 years. At first it was definitely understandable, since she might have related him to her trauma etc.

But ESPECIALLY after the bonus chapter, i’m not saying she should apologise for going to kiss Azriel, but if she’s planning on rejecting the bond, just do so and get done with it.

I think it’s so rude of her to just keep it there, which understandably gives Lucien hope.

It’s also part of the reason why i don’t like elriel so far, they went to kiss in the same house where her NOT REJECTED mate was sleeping.

Repeat it with me:

A relationship build on someone else’s back, will not last.

Instead of rejecting Lucien, they decided to go behind his back?? “In the dead of the night when only the mother would see them” be so fr, at your grown ass age.

Literally nothing has showed that Elain WON’T be supported if she chooses to reject the bond, and before anyone says it, yes i understand the point of “If Elain is to reject the bond, she will do so in her own book” which of course makes sense but two years fr?

Going in for a kiss with someone else, which i would’ve been DELIGHTED to see if she had already rejected her bond, even after seeing the way Rhys and Feyre are and understood how sacred mating bonds are?

If she doesn’t want the bond, her choice of course, but in my opinion it should be common sense to reject the bond before attempting anything with anyone else.

Now in my opinion, all this leads to Lucien deserving an apology, cause whether you stan him on not, he has been nothing bit respectful to Elain’s wishes, and deserves that respect to be returned.

I literally sound like i hate both ships with this post, and honestly if sjm makes azriel and elain sneak behind lucien’s back, that would make them the worst, most immature and not deserving of a HEA in the whole series. I’m aware it sounds aggressive but be so fr what are we, 15, to be sneaking around??

On Elucien, i’ll probably hate it if sjm doesn’t show Elain growing out of her discomfort around him, as so far she has made it quite obvious how uncomfortable she is, which is understandable.

I’m an elucien, but open to discuss with anyone about this, respectfully ofc!!

And remember, and the end of the day these are just my opinions, you can block me if you don’t want to see them or if you can’t discuss like a decent person❤️

[jjmaybankssurfergf]

It wasn’t Rudy or Madison. It was his gf that had a problem and has apparently caused scenes on set and made people uncomfortable because SHE is uncomfortable. To be fair it would probably suck having your bf being shopped with another girl constantly but to cause problems in his acting career is the bigger problem because this will follow him to every job he where he has a love interest. Rudy and Madison follow each other on socials. Elaine and Madison don’t but Elaine follows all the other cast members.

Look anon we can talk but if your gonna start stuff take off anon, first off madison bailey is a bully. She really is and when jj died she showed her true colors. Her acting sucks, her attitude sucks, her movie sucks, and her whole personality sucks. Sorry but its true, the reason why i didnt throw in elaine is because thats a whole other story, if want clarification on that just ask and i will gladly give it to you or anyone. Mariah is a jerk too sorry but thats true she was the one who started the unfollowing social media bullshit. Yes his gf played a part in the drama but you cant also say madison and mariah are innocent, because there not. Madison bullied rudy behind set, and he was super uncomfortable and upset. He was being hurt to the point where hes like "Ok this is going way to far". Madison bailey is what you would call a mean highschool girl bully, because thats the person she is. The reason why no one noticed it is because of her body and looks, which is soooo true. Just because rudy follows her on social media does not mean anything, he just doing it so he doesnt get hate and constant dms of fans giving him shit about it. Im not saying Elaine is innocent but shes not the only drama queen, there are two others who like to start shit too. And how are you going to tell me it will follow him in every job when he literally had a play call Romeo and Juliet where he had to kiss and hug another women for a month straight every night? See how that doesnt make sense which now it concludes to bailey being unprofessional and a major bitch. You can believe its all elaine fault, but its not just her its madison bailey and mariah no one ever caught onto it until now, when rudy is officially done with outer banks and jj is dead. The reason why people caught onto it so late is because they were just focused on rudy and jj in the show and now because hes gone theyre focusing on madison and putting the puzzle pieces together and what really happened. Like i always say karmas a bitch it was coming for her either way and it bit her in the ass. Im not afan of what she did and rudy didnt deserve the hate and the constant pettiness from her, or her girlfriend but what can i say that just another self centered bitch for you 🤷🏼‍♀️

[youngsadlesbian]

WINTER SOLSTICE

pairing: mor x reader

summary: you have your first winter solstice with nyx and the entire inner circle and receive the best gift in the world from your mate, mor.

a/n: since christmas is coming and i'm feeling in the mood to write cute little things, here it is <3

word count: 1,1k

warnings: nothing, just fluff.

Velaris lay beneath a thin blanket of snow, shimmering under the fading winter sun. The streets were lined with floating lanterns, their warm glow making the entire city feel like a dream. Decorations for the Winter Solstice hung from doorways and windows, and laughter echoed through the squares as children ran, their little faces flushed red from the cold.

You loved this time of year.

Especially now.

Now that there was a small winged being with piercing blue eyes and chubby cheeks who had completely stolen your heart.

Nyx.

Your nephew was, without a doubt, the most adorable thing to ever exist. Feyre and Rhysand, doting parents that they were, tried to set boundaries. But you? There were no boundaries. Nyx could have whatever he wanted.

Proof of this lay in the way you were currently swinging him around the House of Wind’s sitting room, his laughter filling the space. Cassian watched from a nearby armchair, sipping his wine with an amused grin.

“If it’s up to you,” Cassian teased, “this kid is going to be spoiled rotten.”

“He deserves it,” you replied, twirling Nyx again. “Look at him! How can anyone resist?”

Nyx laughed louder, as if he knew he’d won the argument.

“You’re hopeless,” Cassian said with a shake of his head.

Amren, perched on the couch across the room, arched a brow as she inspected a silver necklace she’d bought for Feyre. “We’ve all accepted that this child owns you now.”

“And you, too,” you shot back with a grin.

Azriel drifted in silently, a tray of tea and pastries floating behind him. He handed you a small plate with a sugar-dusted treat.

“You may not spoil Nyx,” you said, taking a bite, “but if anyone even looks at this kid the wrong way, I bet you make them disappear.”

Azriel smiled faintly.

Cassian pointed at you. “She’s right.”

Nyx stretched his arms toward Azriel, who picked him up without hesitation. The baby immediately grabbed at one of his shadows, giggling as it wrapped playfully around his fingers.

Warmth filled the room, and the approaching Solstice brought a familiar buzz of excitement.

\*/

With the Solstice around the corner, everyone had set off on their own missions to find the perfect gifts.

You’d caught Cassian sneaking into a jewelry store, no doubt picking something he’d pretend “fell into his lap” for Nesta.

Azriel spent an unusual amount of time browsing bookstore windows, his hazel eyes lighting up at the sight of old leather-bound tomes.

Feyre, unsurprisingly, was obsessed with paintings and sculptures, always disappearing into her studio to craft something personal for each of you.

But Mor…

Mor was the mystery.

You tried following her once or twice, but she always managed to slip away, her laughter trailing behind like an echo.

“You’re not going to tell me what you’re getting, are you?” you asked, arms crossed, as you walked through the market together one night.

Mor smirked, mischief in her eyes. “Don’t ruin the surprise.”

“You know I’m terrible with surprises.”

“Which is exactly why I won’t tell you,” she said, pulling you toward a candy stall.

You relented with a huff, but curiosity simmered beneath your skin. What was she planning?

\*/

Feyre and Rhys’s home glowed with golden light, the table piled high with warm dishes and sweet treats. Nyx, dressed in a knitted blue sweater Elain had made, sat on Rhys’s lap, reaching eagerly for the chocolate cake in front of him.

The gift exchange began after dinner, everyone gathering around the fireplace.

Cassian handed Nesta a pair of Illyrian earrings, trying to downplay the significance while Nesta’s smug smirk said everything.

Azriel silently presented Rhys with a set of ancient daggers, each one humming with dark power.

Amren, practical as ever, gifted Feyre with enchanted paints that shimmered under moonlight.

Then came Mor’s turn.

She approached you with a small box in hand, her eyes soft and affectionate.

“I hope you like it,” Mor said, placing it gently in your hands.

As you carefully opened the box, a faint meow echoed from within.

Your heart nearly stopped.

Curled inside, nestled in soft blankets, was a tiny white kitten with enormous golden eyes.

“Mor…” Your voice broke, lifting the kitten, who immediately snuggled into your chest, purring softly.

Tears prickled at the edges of your vision.

“I thought you could use some company when Nyx isn’t around,” Mor said quietly.

Rhys laughed. “So, now we’ll have another tiny terror running around Velaris?”

“I think the real terror is her spoiling this cat,” Feyre teased.

You looked at Mor, love swelling in your chest. “I love you.”

Mor smiled, wrapping an arm around you as you cradled the kitten closer.

“Does it have a name?” Feyre asked, stroking the small creature’s head.

You stared into those curious golden eyes.

“Lumen,” you decided. “Because he’s a little light.”

\*/

As the kitten slept curled in your lap, the rest of the gifts made their rounds.

Azriel handed Elain a beautifully bound gardening journal. In return, she shyly gave him a dark blue scarf she’d knitted herself.

Cassian, unsurprisingly, gifted Rhys a ridiculous Illyrian battle axe—because according to Cassian, “one can never have too many axes.”

You watched as Rhys pretended to inspect it seriously before using it to slice cake.

When it was your turn, you stood and placed a small, carefully wrapped package in front of Mor.

She raised a brow, but as she opened it, her eyes softened. Inside was a delicate silver bracelet, engraved with faint stars. The constellation mirrored the skies of the night you first kissed.

Mor stared at it for a long time, tracing the stars.

“I thought you’d like to carry a reminder,” you said, cheeks warm.

Mor said nothing for a moment. Then she slipped the bracelet on and kissed you, right in front of everyone.

Cassian gagged. “Oh, come on.”

Nyx, oblivious, clapped his hands.

“I have one more,” you said, kneeling before Nyx with a small wooden box.

Nyx blinked curiously as you opened it, revealing a silver rattle engraved with stars and a small sun at the center.

Nyx grabbed it instantly, shaking it with excitement.

Rhys smiled, his eyes bright with gratitude. “He’ll treasure it.”

You ruffled Nyx’s hair. “It’s his first Solstice. He deserves something special.”

And as the night went on, with laughter and love filling the room, you knew this Solstice would remain etched in your heart forever.

[acourtofthought]

Lucien, to his credit, didn’t back away a step. From Rhys, or me, or the Illyrians.

Elain cut in sharply, “I am not a child to be fought over.”

My friends glanced to each other. Mor said, “It will be—very dangerous.” A half smile curved Lucien’s mouth. “Good. It’d be boring otherwise.”

Elain stepped out of a shadow behind him, and rammed Truth-Teller to the hilt through the back of the king’s neck as she snarled in his ear, “Don’t you touch my sister.”

“I’m going with you,” he said again, face splattered with blood as bright as his hair. “I’m getting my mate back.”

“His name is Lucien.” I wasn’t certain if I’d ever heard his name from her lips.

There is something so lovely about Elain and Lucien's quiet fearlessness and the above is just a small sampling from the series. It is not boastful, not loud. It quietly lives on in the background, making itself known when it is needed. Elain being the one to halt the King in his tracks during the battle for all their lives. Saving so many with her actions yet never bragging about it. Lucien not claiming that the dangerous journey to the continent would be easy for him but instead remarking that he likes that it will keep him on his toes. Elain standing in front of her fiance, a fae hating one at that, making sure he knew the name of her mate. Lucien calmly not backing down from the most powerful High Lord in Prythian, from the most powerful Illyrians of the NC. They both have such a quiet but fierce strength, something that often has others overlooking them, but something that is going to make their story epic and their happily ever after well deserved.

[azrielslightintheshadows]

Hi I absolutely love your writing! I devoured all you fics in record time. I've seen a lot of things about a shy & insecure reader x Cassian but I was wondering if you could do one with Azriel instead? Az is my favourite batboy and I'm also quite shy and insecure so I wouldn't mind reading one. Although I know you probably get a lot of requests with how great your writing is so its ok if you don't like the request I'm content just reading your amazing fics.

Meant to be together.

Azriel x f!Reader.

Masterlist.

Summary; Reader believes that Azriel deserves better than her.

Warnings; angst, insecurities, mentions of sex.

Hello! Thank you so much! You didn't specify which of Cassian's fics you like so I let my imagination take charge of the whole fic. I hope this is what you had in mind, if not feel free to request something else. I really hope you enjoy this like I did!

You changed your mind yet again about the dress you tried on and threw it on the pile of the rest of them. You were getting ready for dinner at the house of wind and since it is the third time you will hang out with the inner circle your nerves are going crazy. You met Azriel a few months back when he literally fell out of the sky and landed on his back in your garden.  He never told you how it happened. After helping him into your house and cleaning his wounds he fell asleep and the next morning he woke up with you next to him wide awake and staring at him. You had stayed the whole night by his side monitoring his breathing and checking for any bleeding. He observed your worried pale face with black circles beneath your red eyes and the bond snapped. You blushed when he told you that you are his mate and for the first few dates you avoided his gaze like your life depended on it. Azriel didn’t really have a problem with that, he is shy and quiet too so your whole behavior helped him cope. And now after some months of building trust and love he decided to introduce you to his family and make you a part of it.

You huffed and threw yet another dress on the pile when the familiar beating sound of wings filled your small apartment, Azriel came in through the window and stood next to the pile of clothes staring at them. He looked so out of place in your small room, his body and those beautiful membranous wings taking up most of the space.

“Angel, you look perfect in everything just pick one dress” he sighed and stared at your bare back.

“No I don’t…I just need a few more minutes to find the right dress. I’m sorry” you mumbled and searched the closet.

He knew that if you didn’t find a dress that made you feel good, you’d probably hide behind him for the whole night so he didn’t pressure you and hummed an okay before laying down on your bed.

You tried one of the dresses that used to belong to your mother when she was about your age and finally you felt pretty, a grin appearing on your face as you twirled around.

“What do you think?” You asked Azriel who was gaping at you.

“I think that you should join me here and skip dinner” he licked his bottom lip and opened his arms in a silent invitation. You blushed and stared at the floor.

“That’s not polite what will your family think about me…” your voice was soft.

Azriel smiled at that and got up, he walked up to you and wrapped his arms around your waist pressing you against him.

“You’re so cute” he cooed and kissed your nose making you blush harder and hide your face in his chest.

“Okay let’s go” he chuckled and picked you up.

The flight was silent, and you enjoyed the view of the city, it soothed your nerves. You landed on the balcony of the house of wind with a thud and entered the dining room. Everyone you knew was there and two females you didn’t recognize.

“Oh great you’re here” Feyre exclaimed “y/n these are my sisters, Nesta and Elain”

Both females were stunning, and you stared in awe as they smiled.

“Hello, nice to meet you” you smiled back.

“You are Azriel’s mate, right?” Nesta asked and glared at Elain.

“Yes” you replied and glanced at your mate who was watching his brothers bickering about something.

The females didn’t say anything else, so you took a seat and stared at your napkin not sure what to do. Azriel sat next to you and soon everyone was eating.

You glanced around and noticed the longing looks Elain was sending to your mate who didn’t have a clue since he was way too lost in his food. You moved your eyes on the table again and didn’t dare to look at her again. Such a beautiful female, her and Azriel would make a great couple if only you weren’t in their way. Your heart ached at the thought, and you lost your appetite. Azriel noticed that you were playing with your food and nudged your foot with his own. You pretended you didn’t notice and kept staring at your plate.

“Are you okay?” He whispered in your ear.

You shook your head and leaned closer to him.

“I want to go home now…” you whispered back. He only nodded and excused the two of you saying that you weren’t feeling well before picking you up and flying you home.

You walked inside and quickly turned around blocking Azriel from entering. He furrowed his eyebrows and took a step back.

“I’m sorry to do this now but I don’t think this is going to work”. You said softly.

“What?” He exclaimed “why?”

“I’m sorry” you repeated and tried to shut the door, but he was faster than you and his scarred hands pushed the door open again.

“No. You don’t get to do this, we will talk this through” he growled and walked inside shutting the door behind him.

“There is nothing to talk about Az… we are from completely different worlds. I’m a loner while you have so many friends and family”. You whispered.

“You can be a part of it too, and if you don’t want to then I will stay with you. I will spend less time with them.” He said with a pleading look.

“I think that Elain likes you, she is such a beautiful female, and she fits into your family really well. She will make you happy.” You confessed and ignored the ache in your heart.

“What are you talking about? Elain has a mate and even if she didn’t, I wouldn’t care. I only want you. You are the most beautiful and amazing female I’ve ever met. Your calm and quiet personality keeps me grounded, you make me feel safe and comfortable and I would rather spend my whole life locked in this apartment with you than anywhere else without you.” His voice broke at the end, and he stared at you with a pained expression.

“Are you sure? I just want the best for you.” You whispered.

“You are the best for me, I don’t even know what I did to deserve you. You are the light in my darkness.” He wrapped his arms around you pressing you against him as he left a soft kiss on your head.

“You give me a reason to live” you confessed and pressed your cheek on his chest. You could hear his heart beating faster at your words and his scarred hands rubbed your back.

That night he made love to you again and again worshiping your body and whispering sweet promises. That night he proved to you that you are meant to be together.

Requests are open but delayed!

[phoebe-delia]

Friend!! For the writing prompts… let’s see. How about……. good luck babe by chappell roan. Or if you don’t want a song prompt, how about: pool day / cookout / bank holiday weekend etc

✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨ to you dear friend!

Oh, oh Elaine, @oknowkiss you know the way to my little writer's heart!! Thank you for the prompt options, my lovely friend. What a great selection! I do love a good angsty song prompt, especially one with these themes. This is Drarry gold; I'm not sure why I didn't think of it sooner, to be honest.

Based on "Good Luck Babe" by Chappell Roan. Big big thank you to my darling @basicallyahedgehog for looking this over. cw: angst, unhappy ending, implied infidelity (not really between Harry and Draco)

"I don't think this is working."

Draco's fingers freeze in their task of buttoning up his shirt. He blinks at himself in the mirror once. Twice. "I'm sorry?"

His eyes shift to Harry in the reflection. Draco feels a bit disgusted with himself at the immediate rush of affection for him; for this man with his cotton shirt and boxers, now nervously running a hand through his sleep-mussed hair.

"I've had a great time with you these past few months," Harry says. "But I don't think this will work out. I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but you deserve the truth."

Draco’s speechless for a long moment before he asks, “And what is the truth, Harry?”

Harry looks away, and Draco nearly snaps at him to at least have the decency to make eye contact while breaking his heart—but he doesn’t.

“The truth is that I don’t think this will work out,” Harry says carefully. “There are certain…responsibilities and considerations I have to make—”

Draco scoffs. “Bullshit. It’s because of her, isn’t it? You’re leaving for her.”

Harry flinches. “N-no. I just…”

“You’re a lot of things, Potter,” Draco says coldly, fingers moving quickly to finish buttoning his shirt, “but a coward hasn’t been one of them. Until now.”

“Draco, please—”

"Fuck off." Draco grabs his wand and strides out of the bedroom.

He heads for the door, but Harry beats him to it, blocking his exit. “Just wait—”

“Get out of my way.”

“No, Draco, not until we talk about this.”

“What's there to talk about? You already said this isn't working. Why try to fix what you purposefully broke?” Draco spits the last word like poison, relishing the way Potter winces.

"I just want to explain."

“No! You said I deserve the truth, but the truth is, I pity Ginevra," Draco sneers. "She’ll get your name and your ring. But she’s got no idea she’ll be marrying a man who closes his eyes and fucks her while thinking of men,” Draco's sneer twists into a cruel smirk. “Of me.”

“But....I love her,” Harry whispers.

“You love her like a sister, Potter.” Draco reaches forward, using a finger to lift Harry’s chin until their eyes meet. “But she could never make you feel the way I do. No one can.”

Draco surges forward, capturing Harry’s lips in a heated kiss. Harry gives in immediately, and he barely seems to notice when Draco flips them around and presses himself against the door.

He pulls away, panting against Harry’s lips, and reaches one hand behind himself to grasp the door handle. “Have a good life, Potter. I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for.”

With that, Draco opens the door behind himself and steps backward. He slams it shut, but the last thing he sees as the door closes is Harry, staying silent, but with one hand outstretched, reaching for him.

Send me a prompt! See the guidelines here.

[lunaatthezoo]

New Work: Modern Mafia AU Elriel Romance

Hahahahaha that happened so fast. Here is a preview/WIP for a new fic I literally just started writing 20 minutes ago. I have absolutely nothing planned plot-wise only that I need to write this. It's gonna be dark, it's gonna be violent, it's gonna be smutty, it's gonna be emotional. Summary and preview below!

Summary in progress: Azriel works for the mafia under his brother Rhys, the boss of the family. After Rhys marries Feyre and she has a target painted on her back, he assigns his brothers Cassian and Azriel to guard her two older sisters in case of retaliation from rival families. Azriel begrudgingly accepts the job, but everything changes when he meets brown-eyed, sweet, secretive Elain. He must contend with his unexpected feelings, keep Elain safe, and, above all, avoid letting her into the bloodthirsty world of the mafia.

Preview:

Azriel sat, long legs outstretched and arms folded over his chest, listening to his brothers bicker. 

“I told you she shouldn’t have gotten involved,” Cass’s gruff voice insisted. Rhys looked at his brother with rage. 

“Feyre is my wife. I will not hear you speak of her that way again.” 

Cassian sighed aggressively. “And I love her. Feyre is badass, okay? I accept her. I’m happy for you. But this shit with her sisters…”

Azriel remained silent and stony-faced, letting the argument play out in front of him. 

“Feyre is part of this family now. And she is administration.” Rhysand countered, leaning back in his leather chair behind his desk. “Thus, by extension, her sisters are also part of this family. That doesn’t mean they need to get dragged into our shit.”

“So don’t let them!” Cass argued back. “Just leave them alone and let them live their lives.”

Rhys rubbed his face with a hand, sighing in exasperation. 

“Feyre married me knowing the shit I run. She married me knowing it would paint a target on her back, and a target on the back of anyone she cares about. Her parents are dead. The next best target for my enemies are her sisters.”

“So you want Az and I to, what…babysit them?” Cassian asked, appalled.

Azriel said nothing still.

“They are grown women,” Rhys bit out. “I want you to provide protection to Feyre’s two older sisters.” 

“For how long?” Cassian asked.

Rhys sighed. “I don’t know. Until I can find guards I trust more than you two.” 

That will never happen, Azriel thought. But he remained silent as ever.

Cassian stared at him with hard anger. “What about our other jobs?” He had a point. Azriel was who Rhys used to dig up information on rival families (through violent and nonviolent manners), and Cassian was often sent to mete out justice on those who deserved it. A button man. They both had a hell of a lot of blood on their hands.

As boss of the family, Rhys had somehow transformed the family business from just diamond dealing to vigilante justice and diamond dealing. He wanted to use his power as boss to keep the streets of Velaris safe for the vulnerable.

Az and Cass had taken their oaths into membership the moment Rhysand had been named boss when the former boss had been killed by a rival family.

While they weren’t blood brothers, Azriel, Cassian, and Rhysand were raised as foster brothers. They had a bond that went deeper than blood, deeper than friendship. For this reason alone, Az knew that Cass would fold eventually in this argument. 

Which is why he simply sat and watched, arms crossed, as he usually did.

[clockwork-ashes]

All You Have Is Your Fire - Part XXVI

Find all previous parts on Ao3 :)

Summary: 'I can hear your heart beating through the stone.' For the briefest of moments, Lucien wondered if his mate would know exactly when his heart’s steady rhythm came to a sudden stop.

Note: A huge thank you to the lovely @sad-scarred-sassy who deserves all the credit for the post that inspired me to start writing this :) Another huge thank you to everyone reading! ALSO please look at this post, I gasped it's so lovely. All of @teddyhoneybear's moodboards are stunning <3

Tag List: @anishake / @nocasdatsgay / @mybestfriendmademe / @talibunny30 / @halfbutneverwhole / @wishfulimaginings / @goldenmagnolias / @emmers-bens123 / @cauldronblssd / @xirose / @rarephloxes / @thehighlordishere / @the-darkestminds /

Lucien could barely hold back his smile. 

Elain was close to his side, pressed against him so that only her skirts were between them. Her one hand was holding onto his own, their fingers linked together and inseparable, while the other was clutching his arm comfortably. She was telling him about Nesta and Feyre, how the two always argued because they were so similar. There was a sparkle in her brown eyes, a brightness that only came when she spoke about those who she loved. 

Beautiful. 

Lucien found his mate particularly stunning when she was unworried and at ease. Loose curls escaped the confines of her braid, and he had to fight the urge to hook the strands of hair behind her pointed ears.

“Do you think that’s why you and Eris don’t get along?” She asked innocently, genuine curiosity clear as she tilted her chin to look up at him. “You’re too much alike?”

Lucien cringed, knowing he had wrinkled his nose in displeasure. He could scarcely remember the last time anyone had compared him with any of his brothers. “Don’t offend me,” he mumbled. 

Elain laughed, the sound as lovely as daybreak. It echoed prettily in the empty corridors of the Forest House, ringing around them just as surely as it did in Lucien’s mind for moments after she had stopped. 

Lucien shook his head with a frown as he remembered that they were walking to the study Eris had claimed as his own decades before he had even been born. He could still recall hiding among the neatly organised bookshelves, escaping to the cosy space even when Beron’s eldest son was not home. “I still can’t believe you told him.” 

Eris had suggested that Elain try and release some of the pent up magic, claiming it was dangerous to do so with no training. While Lucien actually agreed, he was still not sure how he felt about his brother’s steadily increasing involvement in their lives. In two days, they would be back in Velaris, the business with the wedding finally over. He secretly hoped Eris would drop the subject after their departure. Lucien, in any case, could not imagine the Autumn Court male going to the Hewn City despite the promise he had made to work on Elain’s abilities until she became more confident.  

She shrugged, hardly concerned. “I foresee he’ll be a great help to us.” There was a restrained amusement to her words, the feeling trickling down the bond so Lucien could easily sense that she was merely teasing. 

“The number of jokes at your disposal is unmatched,” he said, knocking his shoulder playfully into her side. 

Elain grinned up at him, her dark eyebrow raised in challenge. She opened her full lips to respond, but her expression quickly transformed into one of concern. She pulled him to a stop, her head turning in the opposite direction. 

Lucien was immediately alert, trusting her instincts just as well as his own. His muscles tensed as his ears caught the low sound of shouts coming from the hallway leading to the throne room. 

“What’s happening?” She asked, just above a whisper. He could practically see her analysing the situation, weighing what she knew about Autumn and those that lived within the confines of the Forest House. 

Assassination attempt. 

The thought crashed around in Lucien’s skull for a moment, the familiarity of the feeling returning, a reminder of his past. It had happened before, enough so that Eris had taught him to sleep with his bed pushed to a wall, to ensure that his back was never exposed. He had to get Elain away, wanted to winnow her somewhere she would be safe but had no idea if there was a place secure enough within the court. 

The torches flared around them, bright as the sun, and stayed that way. Lucien balanced Elain as she stumbled with a sudden yelp in her effort to move further from the walls. Embers fell to the stone floors like shooting stars, disappearing almost as soon as they had flickered to life. 

The raw burst of power was one Lucien would have known anywhere. He had, after all, learned how to wield his own abilities at Eris’s side. 

Realisation dawned on him, slower than dripping honey. The shouts continued to travel down the empty hall, and he easily identified the distinct voice of each of his brothers. “If I ask you to stay here, will you?” He addressed his mate, trying to keep the concern from his tone, but failing miserably. 

Elain pressed her lips together, shaking her head slightly, a charming dimple appearing on her pale cheek. “Not a chance.” 

Lucien sighed. He had expected her answer, but was still worried about her well-being. “Just promise you’ll keep your distance.” If Elain was anything like her sisters, he figured she would despise being kept far from the commotion. 

She squeezed his hand to reassure him. “I promise.” It would have been too much to ask for his brothers to be on their best behaviour for a fortnight, Lucien thought coldly. They began to walk once again, this time in the direction of the continued shouts. 

Stay close. 

Lucien hoped the message came across clearly on the bridge between their souls. He would never forgive himself if something happened to Elain, but he knew the trust built between them would have crumbled had he forbidden her from coming with him. As they approached, the muffled shouts became easier to understand, and when they finally turned the corner, they could do nothing but pause and watch.

Eris was loud, his words an angry snarl. “Consider for a moment how easy it would be for me to kill you both and simply be done with this.” He was standing in the middle of Ronan and Felix, using his body to separate them. Taller than both, the span of his arms ensured they stayed away from one another. 

Despite being a courtier and much smaller in size than Ronan, Felix lunged. Lucien sensed Elain’s confusion down the bond, her feelings mirroring his own. He had assumed the two were on good terms, had even witnessed as much during their short time in Autumn. While he knew nothing ever stayed the same in the Forest House, he was surprised by the swift moving game everyone played. 

Eris shoved Felix away roughly, stopping the younger male in his tracks, ensuring that a physical altercation did not begin. 

“Stay out of it,” Felix spat, expression murderous. He whirled on their eldest brother, directing his anger at him instead. Lucien could tell that Eris preferred it, could practically see the way he adjusted his stance in anticipation for things to quickly turn into a more violent direction. 

“Can’t you see he’s itching for a fight, brother.” Ronan called, a slur to his words. It took Lucien a moment to realise that he must have been drunk. “Perhaps he needs to learn a lesson.” 

Felix smiled, looking every bit a snake with fangs. He ran a hand over the sleeve of his opposite arm, a flash of silver appearing at the cuff, a silent message.

Eris seemed to have spotted it just as Lucien had, his entire body pulled taut. He looked like a warrior as he straightened his shoulders. “Enough,” he snapped, flames in his amber eyes, embers falling from the tips of his fingers. On most occasions, the tone would have frightened the rest of his brothers into yielding, but whatever had begun the argument was not so easily settled.  

“Fuck off,” Felix clipped, stepping around Eris and right into Ronan’s line of sight. 

Callum suddenly appeared next to Lucien, winnowing into the space effortlessly. Elain turned to look at him, but he did not even spare her a glance. He sighed loudly, rubbing a hand over his face, the action tired. “What could it be this time?” 

Lucien shook his head, watching the scene continue to unfold in front of him. No weapons had yet been drawn, but the threat was there. 

“Should we do something?” Elain wondered quietly, more to herself than to him and Callum. 

Lucien bit his lip, considering. “We might just make it worse,” he said, knowing from experience how volatile fights between his siblings could become. 

No sooner had the words left his mouth, Ronan threw a wicked stream of fire at Felix, the power strong enough to make the younger male shift on his feet. There were no burns, no fabric singed. It was clearly a warning, one that had Callum inching closer. 

Callum approached the small group just in time for Felix’s answering magic to fly by him, hitting a decorative vase. It fell to the floor and shattered, tiny pieces dusting the stone like snowflakes. Almost like the toll of a bell ringing before a blood duel, the sound had each of his brothers springing into action. 

Lucien watched as Eris was caught in the middle of both Felix and Ronan. The way they hit each other was brutal, and no amount of Callum pulling on any of them was enough to end the fight.

There was more yelling as Eris tried to convince them to stop, but their voices rose over the sound, arguing about something Lucien had no context for. He tried to catch onto any key words, but was unable to piece a clear picture together. 

“Stay here,” Lucien mumbled, stepping away from Elain. She held onto his shirtsleeve, and he added a quick, “please.”

“I don’t think—”

Lucien did not wait for her to finish, winnowing into the fray. She would have asked him not to intervene, and he would not have been able to refuse her. The wind was quickly knocked out of him as Callum was shoved backwards right into his chest, an elbow catching him in the ribs. There was no time for apologies as they all attempted to find purchase on the nearest clothing item, pulling and trying to create distance between Felix and Ronan. 

Lucien heard Elain call out his name, glad that she still remained far, that she had not attempted to move closer for a better look. His relief was short-lived as Felix twisted, throwing all of his body weight at him. 

“You shouldn’t have come back,” Felix hissed as they fell to the ground in a tangled heap. It was low enough that no one else would have heard, the words making Lucien uneasy. 

Exile. 

Felix had been a vicious child, cunning and manipulative and always eager to impress their father. While he and Lucien had been close in age, a few short years separating them, they had never gotten along. The constant comparison had forged competition between them, ensuring that they were never allies. 

Lucien moved roughly, his shoulder hitting Felix so hard he drew blood. The copper scent lingered in the air as he scrambled to his feet, breathing ragged.

Felix stayed on the ground, a scarlet trail falling from his nose and running over his lips. It gave him a wild impression, fire flickering in his gaze. “You bastard,” he snarled, the insult venomous falling from his mouth. Lucien flinched, his eye whirring.

“Enough.” 

The word fell over Lucien, echoing in the space. It was the direct order of a High Lord and there was no other choice but to listen. 

Lucien watched as Felix paled, noticing how the sound of Ronan fighting with Eris stopped immediately. He turned to see their father standing next to Elain, a crown made of oak leaves resting on his chestnut coloured hair. His mate looked small, her hands curled into fists at her sides. She was obviously worried, but she stayed frozen in place, hardly recoiling at the power leaking from the ancient creature near her. 

When it was obvious that he held each of his sons’ attention, he turned a sharp gaze on Felix. “Is that any way to speak when a lady is present?” 

His brother’s lip curled up in anger, as though he were ready to argue. There was blood on his teeth, giving him the appearance of a predator. Beron raised a hand, stopping him before he even started. “Is it, Felix?”

Everyone held their breath, an unnatural silence in the corridor. Lucien’s eyes flicked between the two males and his mate, wondering what he might do if the situation became explosive. “No,” his brother uttered, the word strained, like it was being pulled out of him against his will. 

Eris moved, the shift small, but Beron saw it from the corner of his eye. Their father shot him a withering glare, warning evident in the tight pull of his mouth. “Where are your manners, child?” 

Felix bristled at the insult. Lucien could see him weighing the idea of his punishment, considering how angry Beron was to determine his choice. “You have my apologies, lady,” he said, a restrained anger in his tone. He dipped his chin mechanically, a mockery of a bow. 

Elain stayed still, looking like the statues of Day, regal and unbothered. Her silence added to the tense atmosphere as they all waited to see what Beron would say next. 

Their father simply nodded. “Leave the fighting until our guests are gone,” he ordered. There was collective relief amongst Lucien and his brothers as they realised there would be no further punishment. The humiliation seemed to be enough for Beron, a testament perhaps to him being in a good mood. 

The High Lord winnowed without a word, snuffing all of the torches in the hall. Plunged into a few short moments of darkness left Lucien disoriented, he barely realised that Eris was standing behind him. The fires were lit easily, and he could not decide which one of his brothers had done so. He barely gave it any thought, not when Elain ran to him, skirts in hand, her eyes wide with worry.

Lucien half saw as Felix swatted Callum’s outstretched hand, refusing any help and getting up inelegantly. Blood had stained the collar of his brother’s shirt, and for a moment guilt flooded his senses. 

Felix spat onto the floor, scarlet smattering the pale stone, before he marched away. There were dancing embers flowing behind him, Callum following at a safe distance. 

You shouldn’t have come back.

Lucien pushed Felix’s words to the back of his mind, focusing on the comforting hand Eris placed on his shoulder. The gesture was more kindness than he had received from his eldest brother in centuries, but the warmth from his palm was gone quickly as Eris moved towards Ronan. 

Elain grabbed onto Lucien’s wrist, the contact enough to settle his rapidly beating heart. She tucked herself into his chest, letting him wrap an arm around her waist. He glanced at his remaining brothers, keeping his mate close. 

“You should have stayed in Night,” Ronan said gruffly, straightening his jacket. 

It was unclear to Lucien whether the comment was directed at him or Elain.

[pit-and-the-pen]

Baby It's Cold Outside

Here it is my lovely @sarawritestories!! Your present for the gift exchange. Do you know how hard it was to write this without telling you it was me?? I'm horrible at keeping secrets.

Hope you have just as much fun reading it as I did writing it.

Summary:A lot can happen in three days. Especially when Nesta gets snowed in at her sister's house for the holidays. 

(or what would have happened if Nesta and Cassian didn't get together in ACOSF) 

WC:4.2k

Warnings: Some negative self thinking, alcohol use. Angsty fluff.

Day 1

If there was one thing Nesta hated more than the wet sludge that had accumulated in the streets as she walked to the river house, it was the idea of the holiday party that her sister was throwing. She could have easily asked someone to come get her but the cold air cleared her head.

She didn’t know what was going through her head when she agreed to visit for Solstice, for her youngest sister's birthday. She hadn’t seen much of them after she moved out of the manor house. But Feyre had all but begged her to come and Nesta had to admit it felt nice to be asked. The idea that her sister wanted her around warmed some part of her. She quickly pushed those thoughts away as she approached the front door. Three sharp knocks before a flurry of sound started behind the door. 

Nesta tried to not cringe as she looked at her sister's beaming smile. 

“You came.” She said as she threw her arms around Nesta.

“You..you asked me to.” She tried to sound unaffected but her sister's affection made her throat tighten for some reason that she wouldn’t think of right now. 

She could survive a few hours right? Just enough to say hi to everyone and then crawl back to her apartment to spend the rest of the night in silence. 

Nesta politely waved to the group sitting around the fireplace in the living room. Shaking her head at the glass of wine that was offered to her. She sat down next to Elain who was chattering away, Lucien to her other side. Her hand rested on his and she found herself smiling at that development. Elain deserved to be happy, and she was damn near glowing with it as she spoke to Mor. 

-

“Holy..” Nesta said as the door seemed to snap back closed on itself. The wind near deafening as it shook the house.  

“That’s a lot of snow…” Feyre spoke back, following her mate's eye line. 

“I’m not flying in that. No thank you.” Cassian said with a laugh. “My days of flying in the snow are over if I can avoid it.”

“Of course you can stay the night Cassian, we didn’t have any plans.” Rhys said with a dramatic eye roll.

“I don’t think I can winnow in that either. Who knows where I’ll end up.” Azriel said, swirling the red wine in her glass, looking at his brother expectedly. Gwen nodding along side him

“Everyone can stay.” Feyre said as she placed a gentle hand on Rhys' shoulder. “Right?” It wasn’t a question with that look in her eyes. Rhys only sighed and shook his head yes. 

No. This was only supposed to be a few hours and now Nesta was going to have to spend the night? No way. 

“I have to get home.” Nesta said low to her sister. 

“For what? It’s a blizzard out there.” 

“I… I just have to.” 

“You’re not leaving it that Nes. One night won’t kill you.” Feyre’s voice pitched up. Trying her hardest not to yell at her sister. 

“Fine. I just want to go to sleep.” 

A chuckle from the other side of the room had her eyes darting over to Rhys. 

“And what's so funny?” She shot at her brother in law. 

“Well, Feyre and I have our room. Elain and Lucien will get the other. Az and Gwen. That leaves one bedroom left.” 

“You have all of this space and only four bedrooms?” Nesta said, crossing her arms over her chest and trying her best not to scowl at her youngest sister. 

“It’s not like we planned for this to happen.” Feyre said returning the fire that Nesta was spitting. Nesta just rolled her eyes, not having a comeback for the truth her sister spoke. 

“I think they should fight it out to see who gets the last one.” Gwen said with a wink. Traitor. Nesta thought as she squinted at her best friend. 

“Nesta.” Feyre sighed as her sister's scowl only deepened. Her eyes brows pulling together and scrunching up her face. 

“It’s okay. I’ll take the couch.” Cassian said from his reclined position on said couch. His wings were hanging off at a weird angle that Nesta knew couldn’t be comfortable overnight. 

“I-”

“Don’t worry about it, Nes.” Cassian cut her off with a wink. “Not my first time sleeping on this.” Even Azriel gave a chuckle at his words. 

They spent the rest of the night exchanging gifts. Feyre starting off first. Nesta recoiled in on herself. Completely forgetting to get anyone a gift with how last minute she decided to come. 

“I didn’t-”

“It’s okay. You being here is enough of a gift for me.” Feyre said, throwing her arms around her sister. Nesta stood shocked for a moment before returning the hug. She whispered a tiny “thank you” into Feyre’s shoulder as they pulled away. 

“I promised I wouldn’t be as bad as that first solstice.” Nesta said quietly. 

“And you’ve come miles from that person you were then. Really Nesta. You’re fine.” Elain said, patting Nesta on the leg as she sat down. Nesta leaned into her side, resting her head on her middle sisters shoulder. 

She sat and watched one by one as they opened their gifts. Content with watching the joy on all of their faces. The thanks yous cried across the room. So much love for her little family that she felt her throat getting tight. 

Cassian was suddenly in front of her. A palm sized gift in hand. He extended it out to Nesta and she sat up as she took it. 

“I was going to give it to you after the party but…” he gestured around. 

“I didn’t get you anything.” Was all she said. 

“I’m used to it.” He winked at her before returning to his seat on the other couch. Nesta slowly opened the wrapping paper, exposing words she knew too well. It was one of her favorite Sellyn Drake books. Her eyebrows furrowed together as she fought the urge to tell him she already had it. 

“Look inside.” He said before she could speak. She flipped open the front page and saw the swirling ink. 

I’m proud of you. In large cursive, signed under was the author's name. Nesta felt her teeth prickle as she fought back tears looking at the words. She couldn’t find the courage to look up at Cassian and just muttered a small thanks before clutching the book close to her chest. 

One by one everyone started filling off to bed. Nesta wasn’t far behind them, wanting to give Cassian space to go to sleep. As she changed into the clothes Feyre had handed her, she flipped open the book again, tracing over the indents from the pen. I’m proud of you.

Day 2:

“So it’s too snowy to travel, but-”

“But just enough snow for the perfect snowball fight. Or so Rhys says.” Feyre, Gwen and Nesta were lined up at the wide windows in the living room. The wind making it far too cold for any of them to want to leave the warmth of the fire. 

The sun reflecting off the high drifts of snow made it almost painful to look outside but the sight in front of them was too good not to look at. 

“Five hundred years old and they all still play like children.” Nesta said with a roll of her eyes. But even she couldn’t look away from the, admittedly tactical, snowball fight that the three Illryians refused to miss.

“I like it. They never get to have fun.” Gwen said into her mug as she took a sip of hot chocolate. 

Feyre hummed in agreement as she took a sip of her own. 

“I’d pay good money to see the after party they have too.” Gwen nudged Feyre’s side with her elbow causing Feyre to nearly choke on her drink. 

“What’s the after party?” Nesta asked. 

“They all sit in the sauna to warm their wings back up. And they are apparently very…strict… about the typical rules.”

“So they’re-”

“Very naked. And sweaty.” Feyre finished for her. 

Nesta felt her skin heat up at the image but quickly shoved it away. Locking that train of thought down before it could take root any further. 

“Sounds fun.” She said, clearing her throat. 

“Oh c’mon Nes, you aren’t curious-”

“WHO WANTS WINE?” Nesta shouted over whatever Gwen was about to say. “I saw a nice bottle. I’ll go get it.” She was already halfway out of the room. Completely missing the smiles on the two others faces. 

Nesta found the bottle she had seen earlier but had misremembered the height. It was in the tallest cabinet and there was no way she would be able to reach it without scaling the walls. She was stretching onto her tiptoes, pleading for her fingers to be just a few inches longer when a freezing cold hand brushed past hers and grabbed the bottle. 

A shiver racked through her body at the freezing cold emanating off of Cassian as he stood behind her. She ducked under his arm and stood to face him. 

“I could have gotten it myself.” She huffed, ignoring the bottle in his outstretched hand. 

“Most people just say ‘thank you’”. 

“Well then you can have them say it to you.” She said as she blindly grabbed for another bottle on a lower shelf. Now she just needed to find the corkscrew. She started searching through the many drawers in the house. Drawer after drawer but no luck. 

A heavy sigh had her pearing up to look at the man still in the kitchen. 

“Third drawer on the left of the sink.” Was all he said. Nesta rolled her eyes but went and opened it anyways. She quickly grabbed the offensive piece of metal and stormed out of the kitchen. 

“Any time, Nes.” He called after her. Only making her blood boil more. 

The boys were in the sauna for the rest of the day. Leaving the rest of them to find their own source of entertainment. Which seemed to be gossiping over several bottles of wine. Nesta hadn’t even realized how many they had gone through until Elain tried to stand up and promptly fell onto Lucien’s lap. 

“Alright. You’re going to bed.” Lucien said before giving Elain a small kiss to her temple. He offered his hand to help her up. “I’d recommend that for you three as well. That’s some strong stuff you found, Nes.” 

Gwen and Nesta only shooed him off, giggling into their wine glasses as they did so. 

Nesta honestly couldn’t remember when she felt this peaceful before. No obligations, nobody to impress. Just her small little family enjoying themselves. 

“What do we have here?” Azriel said from right behind them, making all three girls jump. His arms wrapped around Gwen as he gave her a hug from behind. She leaned back into his touch, beaming up at him. 

“Nesta found the good wine.” 

“And all of it, apparently.” Rhys said from the edge of the room. Nesta just shrugged. 

“Don’t be grumpy.” Feyre said, causing Rhys to give her a warm smile. 

“Never, my darling.” Rhys held his hand out and Feyre didn’t hesitate to walk over to him. She placed her hand in his and he brought it up to his mouth without hesitation. Nesta looked away from the display of affection. Something churned in her stomach as she saw everyone with their mates. She finished off her wine with a large gulp and stood up. 

“I’ll clean up. You all get some sleep.” She scooped up two of the glasses and was about to leave the room before she turned around. “And remember-” She tapped her ear with her free hand, “Fae hearing.” 

The two couples laughed at the joke. Nesta left the dishes in the sink as she went back to collect the other three. She washed them out gently and placed them upside down to dry. After one more trip back for the empty wine bottles, she was ready to head to sleep. The wine working its magic of making her extra tired.

Nesta crawled into the bed, not even bothering to take off her clothes.She tugged the blankets over herself. She immediately noted how warm the bed was, maybe a little stiff but definitely cozy. A small groan sounded from underneath her and she practically jumped to the ceiling. 

“Warn a guy next time, Nes.”

“Me warn you? What happened to sleeping on the couch?”  She shrieked. His only response was a shrug. 

“It was uncomfortable and you hadn’t gone to bed yet.” 

“You could have told me. Instead of letting me-”

“Letting you nuzzle against my arm?”

“Shut up.” She huffed at him.

“Make me.” She didn’t have to see his face to know he was smirking at her. 

“Big Illyrian baby.” Nesta muttered under her breath.

“Not the only thing that’s big.” 

“Gods. Fine. I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.” She ripped the pillow he was propped up against from underneath him. “I’ll be taking that. Thank you very much.” She walked out of the room, his faint laughter ringing in her ears. 

Day 3

The sun was blinding when Nesta opened her eyes. She sat up wondering why it was so bright with the curtains pulled closed. Then she remembered the conversation with Cassian from last night. The smell of him, how comfortable and right it felt to be in his arms. She rubbed at her face, frustrated by her reaction. So what, he was an attractive person. He’s not the only attractive boy she’s ever seen but something about him just got under her skin in the best and worst way possible. 

As if summoned by her thoughts, a tray was set down in front of her by none other than Cassian himself. He gave her a sheepish smile. 

“Breakfast, as a thank you for letting me have the bed.” 

“It’s not like you gave me much of a choice.” She muttered. 

“You could have always stayed.” He said with a shrug. “We’re both adults.”

“Like I would have been able to sleep with your wings taking up more than half the bed.” 

“It worked for a little bit, didn’t it?” 

“You’re impossible.” She looked down at the plate in front of her. “And I don’t like fried eggs.” She pushed the tray closer to him as she stood up and walked to the bedroom. She slammed the door shut for good measure. The wood rattling against its hinges at the force. 

She knew she should have said thank you to Cassian. Honestly, how would he have known that her favorite way to eat eggs? She had only told him she hated them to get out of having to sit with him. Being alone with him felt so much different than being in the group. Something deep inside of her begging to be closer. A voice she constantly had to shut out. Whatever it was, wasn’t going to happen. How would someone like Cassian even want someone like her? He was kind and sweet and always had a smile. Nesta had been nothing but mean to everyone for the better part of five years and even now, she could tell everyone was always waiting for that behavior to come back. And she didn’t blame them in the slightest. 

With a deep sigh, she flung herself onto the bed. Wrapping herself in blankets that still smelt like him. She didn’t try to stop herself as he took a deep breath, holding the fabric closer to her face. It wasn’t long before she felt her eyes get heavy again and she faded back to sleep to dreams of a certain winged general. 

Nesta shot up from her sleep as someone knocked on the door. Her dream was so real she had to look around to see if Cassian was still next to her. Her heart sank a little as she realized he was not in fact there. She quickly smoothed her hair down, willing her racing heartbeat to stop as he rose to answer the door. 

Elain was smiling at her as she opened it. “The snow slowed down a little and Feyre and I were going to teach the boys how to build a proper snowman. You know like we did when we were little?” 

Nesta smiled at the memory. It was a simpler time, before they had lost all their money. Nesta would have to help Feyre roll the balls of snow once they became the same size as her. 

“Absolutely. Just let me get changed.” 

Feyre luckily had some winter clothes tucked away in the cabin and had left some in the wardrobe for Nesta to wear. She pulled on a soft heavy jacket and a pair of boots that were slightly too small, pinching the edges of her feet but it was better than the flats she had worn over her in the first place. 

She quickly made her way outside to the rest of the group. Feyre was already picking snow out of Rhys's hair. The latter giving Gwen a glare that would have melted weaker fae. 

Elain was the only one who had anything resembling a snowman in front of her and even then, Lucien seemed intent on getting his arms around her any way he could. He succeeded and brought them both down onto the soft white powder. The pair's laughter was so sweet it made Nesta’s chest ache. And standing just outside the group was Cassian. He was on his knees trying to get a small snowball to roll along but it kept turning back into dust under his hand. 

“You have to be gentle with it when you first start.” She said standing over him. “It helps if you make it into a snowball first, something I know you have plenty of practice with. Then you just keep adding snow with your hand.” She took a scoop of snow and packed it around the side. “And then once you can’t hold it anymore, then you can start rolling it.” Cassian followed her instructions to a t. 

“When do I stop rolling it?”

“Whenever you feel like it’s big enough.” 

Cassian kept rolling until the ball was half the size of Nesta. 

“Now you do the same for the head. You can make it smaller or the same size but remember you have to lift it on-”

Nesta stopped speaking as Cassian lifted the huge block of snow without so much as flinching. He smiled at her and gave her a wink. 

“Now, the best part.” She quickly started looking at the ground. “We find some sticks and rocks for the arms and eyes.” Nesta quickly found a stick half covered in snow. She bolted over to it, Cassian right behind her. She went to pull it but it was so stuck that she ended up falling face first into the snow. Cassian let out a surprised noise and quickly scrambled to help her up. 

“You okay?” He asked as he tugged on her arm. Nesta wasn’t expecting such a strong pull and ended up slamming into his chest. Even through all the layers she could feel how warm he was. Her mind instantly falling back to the other night. How strong yet soft his chest was and the way her entire body seemed to relax as she laid in his arms. 

She quickly jumped away from him, dropping his hand like he had burned her. 

“Nes-”

“I’m going to go inside.” She said, trying her best to walk as quickly as she could in the deep snow. 

“Nesta.” Cassian called after her and she wanted nothing more than for him to go away. She shrugged over the now wet jacket as she stepped into the door of the house. Cassian doing the same. 

“Cassian. Stop. Please. I can’t do this.” 

“Can’t do what?” 

She pointed to him then herself. “This. Whatever this is. I-”

“Just admit you feel something too. Please. I know you do.” Nesta felt like she couldn’t breathe. “That tugging in your chest. That itch under your skin to be closer. I know you feel it.”

“I don’t” She hated the way her voice pitched up, the obvious sign she was lying. 

“What to say that again?” 

“So what if I do. Does that mean that suddenly we should be together. Because the mother decided it, we have no say?”

“What’s so bad about that?”

Nesta wanted to scream and yell and fight but the hurt in Cassian’s voice stole the words right out of her. All she could do was stare at him. 

“What is so bad about admitting you have feelings for me, Nes?” 

She could only shake her head, shaking the words out of her head. Shaking away the ideas of what could be.

“Have you ever even let yourself be happy? Do you even know what you want?” 

“Cassian. Stop.”

“No. You’re going to listen to me. You push and you pretend that you don’t want what your sister has. Convinced yourself for some reason that you don’t deserve it. But you know what I see. I see someone who went through some of the worst things that could happen and made it out on the other side. I see someone who is loyal and kind. You could have walked away from your family. With how beautiful you are, I doubt anyone would have turned you down if you offered to marry them. But you stayed. Stayed in that house you hated for them. And no matter how much you yell and scream at me, I know that takes bravery and strength and more than anything, kindness.”

Nesta felt the tears welling up in her eyes. Cassian’s words almost too much to handle. 

“Cas..”

“You know what else I see? Someone who I can’t help but imagine what the rest of my life would be like with you by my side. And trust me, I’ve tried to not think about it but how could I not.” Cassian reached out a tentative hand. Giving her space to push him away but she only stared at him with wide, glossy eyes. He placed her hand on his chest. “My heart beats for you, Nesta. It will for the rest of my life. If you truly don’t want me, then fine. But don’t do this to punish yourself. I’m yours in whatever way you’ll have me.” Cassian went to take her hand away but Nesta could only hold onto the fabric of his shirt. Gripping it for dear life. 

“I can’t be who you want me to be. I’m not brave like Feyre. I’m not sweet like Elain.”

“No. You’re brave like you. You’re sweet like you. And thank the mother for that. I don’t want them. I want you. You with all your broken pieces, you with all the scars. You with all the snark and everything else you have to offer.” 

The space between them was nearly nonexistent. They were so close that Nesta’s hand was pressed against her own chest now, sandwiched between them. Before she could talk herself out of it, she pressed their lips together. 

At first, Cassian was still. Letting Nesta lead, letting her pull away if she decided to. But when her hand snuck to the back of his neck, pulling him closer he couldn’t help himself. He let his hands drift to her waist, her back, pushing them closer together. The minuscule space between them seemed too much at that moment. 

The kiss was soft and slow. Neither one of them in a hurry to stop or to escalate it. Nestas fingers played with the stray pieces of hair at the back of his neck, soothing both of them. Reminding Cassian that this wasn’t just another one of his many dreams about her. Cassian returned the sentiment with lazy circles rubbed onto the small of her back. 

When they finally pulled apart, it felt like a lifetime had passed. Cassian still couldn’t bring himself to step away, so he rested his forehead against hers. Gulping down air that smelled like her. 

“I’ll take you anyway you’ll have me.” She echoed back. Cassian smiled before placing a kiss on her forehead and wrapping her in his arms. Both content to stay in their own bubble of happiness for a little longer.

[moonlightazriel]

Son of the Darkness Epilogue /// Azriel X F!Reader

Summary: Hidden for so long The court of shadows thrived, and things were great until the high lord's death, now the next in line should assume the crown of high lord of shadows, will he accept his duties?

Warnings: None

Word Count: 625

Notes: It’s a bittersweet feeling as SOD is finished, this was my first multichapter series and I love it so much, it was a very nice journey.

Son of the Darkness Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Y/N sighed, her hands resting on her desk as she sipped the warm tea, a soft knock sounded on the other side of the door, and as the door opened, a male stepped in.

“High Lady.” He bowed his head a little. “This appeared today, it’s for you.” He approached the table and left the letter on top of the papers that were scattered around.

“Thank you, Yur.” She said and the male just nodded, leaving her office. She reached for the letter, no name on it, but she opened the envelope, grabbing the paper inside.

“Dear Y/N!

It’s been a while since we saw each other, things have been great ever since our last encounter. Nyx is growing up so fast, it makes my heart ache with the change.

Nesta and Cassian are happily enjoying their mated life, training the priestesses and whoever wants to join them in combat.

Elain is out in Spring Court with Lucien, the two of them are doing a great job in rebuilding Spring alongside Tamlin, and slowly learning about their bond. Elain told me she plans to accept it soon.

We’ve been happy, and we miss you dearly, but I’m afraid things aren’t as good as we thought, as things with the Mortal Queens are still tense and a new threat looms in the dark.

Rhys doesn’t want to disturb, he says that you and Az need your peace, but I know he is distressed, that he hasn’t been sleeping, fearing that we’re forced to go to battle again.

From a High Lady to another, I beg for your help. We need to prepare for whatever is coming.

Love, Feyre!”

The words made her heart twist on her chest, what could it be now? She clenched her fists, the thought of another thing to disturb their well deserved peace made her blood boil.

She got up, going after her mate, the letter clutched in hands. She found him by the sparring ring, Eris was there, she had no idea they were even coming today. Eva quickly wrapped her from behind.

“I missed you baby.” She says and Y/N smiles at her.

“We missed you too.” She replies, still feeling tense. Azriel immediately turns to her, blocking Eris and striding towards his wife.

“Something wrong?” He asks, feeling her distress through the bond. His hand rested on her belly.

“They need us.” She said, letter in hand. Azriel quickly reads through it.

“I’m sorry but we can’t go.” He replies.

“Of course we can, I still can handle myself Az.” He rolled his eyes.

“You’re four months pregnant, woman.” He pointed and Y/N shrugged.

“I still beat your ass any time.” She argues. “I’m not dying Azriel, I can fight just as well as I could.” Azriel held his mate closer.

“Please, reconsider.” He pouted and she pinched his cheek.

“No! Now we need to get ready, all of us.” She looked around, Eva and Eris nodded but Azriel still didn’t want her risking her life.

“There’s nothing I can say to make you give up?” He begged.

“I never ran away from danger, and I certainly don’t plan to do it now.” She rubbed her belly.

“Okay, but if I feel like you’re in danger, no matter how small, I’m protecting you, and only you, you’re my priority.” He warned.

“Such a Mother Hen.” She joked, pulling her mate in for a kiss. “We will be safe Az, with you, we’re always safe.” She reassured him.

“I can’t say no to my mate.” He finally gave in. “I bet they will be quite shocked about you.” He pointed to the round belly forming.

“Let’s just say that I love to do a big entrance.”

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

Taglist: @allison-rosewood-maximoff @devilsfoodcake22 @fieldofdaisiies @valeridarkness @brekkershadowsinger @margssstuff @patdsinner33 @justdreamstars @dr4g0ngirl

[justascrollingghost]

My genuine question to the Az and Elain shippers is why would you want this for them both?

We know Azriel to feel he’s not worthy. We know him to be fiercely protective but never the first and only choice so why would you want him to be in a position where he knows the woman he loves isn’t destined for him and could leave at any moment for her mate? Why would you want that for him? After everything he’s been through, Azriel deserves his own mate and he deserves to be secure in the love his partner has for him.

Elain deserves to find herself and figure out who she is outside of being the naive sister. Her being with Azriel would be her falling for the first person to connect with her and show her real care and friendship outside of her family and I think that’s really sad? She deserves the opportunity to explore the world without trailing behind her sisters and that’s never going to happen in the Night Court. To me, everything about Elain screams that she’s in the wrong place and I really hope we get to see her explore that. As for her mate - we’ve been led to believe that mating bonds are so sacred they override all the laws and rules of every court. Why wouldn’t you want her to at least get to know him? To give this chance of unconditional love a shot?

I just don’t get it.