#elain get behind me they don’t deserve you

[nicolemabes]

You do not have a right to everything automatically. You do not get to force someone to include you, especially if doing so will cause them pain.

A lot of y’all weren’t told No enough as a child and it shows.

[cressidagrey]

Looked to the Sky - Chapter 6

Summary: 

Eira Archeron was neither a Valkyrie, nor a Seer, nor the High Lady of the Night Court. She was, however, Azriel‘s mate with her own mysterious, untrained powers.

Also known as: Azriel tries to court his mate the human way.

Warnings: 

THIS IS THE LIGHTNING IN A BOTTLE SEQUEL! SO READ THAT FIRST IF YOU WANNA READ THIS ONE OTHERWISE THIS MAKES NO SENSE!

Elain Bashing, Amren bashing, Azriel is an idiot, Eira has a well-deserved crying fit and without @k-godling this would have never happened.

(super pretty dividers by @tsunami-of-tears)

"Do I want to know what your mother said to you?" Cassian asked him with a sigh the next morning. They were at the River House. 

Eira was still sleeping. Or again. Resting. Pure exhaustion apparent in every fibre of her being. She had stumbled up the stairs the night before, fell into her bed and hadn’t moved. Feyre and Nesta were both with her, had been with her since then... 

Azriel let out a small huff, and glanced at Cassian from his couch seat.

“No,” he said bluntly. “No, you really don’t want to know.”

"You're brooding," Cassian pointed out. Azriel snorted at his brother’s observation, crossing his arms.

“And you’re observant,” he said dryly. “Your point?”

Cassian huffed in amused annoyance and shoved him playfully. “Come on. Out with it,” he said, propping his feet on the coffee table, his wings shifting behind him. “You’ve been quiet and broody and grumpy all morning. You need to talk about it.”

"Talk about what? Talk about the fact that whatever Amren said to my mate was enough to push her head first into a panic so bad that she winnowed? Burned down half a forest accidentally?" Azriel asked, his voice forcedly even. "Or about the fact that I needed my mother to call me out on my bullshit because I am a fucking idiot ?"

"Language," Rhys said with a sigh, trying and failing to feed Nyx his porridge.

Cassian rolled his eyes in annoyance at Rhys’s words, while Azriel gave his high lord a flat look.

“Are you seriously going to get on me for my language?” he asked Rhys dryly. “Out of everything I just said?

"I do not need a fight with Feyre, because our son starts repeating your curse words," Rhys muttered.

Cassian snorted at that, and Azriel couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth, shaking his head.

Somehow, even right now, when everything was such a mess, Rhys still managed to find ways to be a caring father.

“Can we focus on something more important?” Azriel said, his voice a grumble. “Like the fact that I’m failing as a mate?”

Cassian’s snort turned into a choke at Azriel’s comment, his eyes going wide. “Failing as a mate? You? You’re kidding, right?”

Azriel scowled at Cassian’s shocked response.

“And how exactly is it possible that I’m not failing?” he demanded, his hands clenching into fists. “Because I can think of many, many ways, Cass.”

“What exactly have you done that qualifies as failure?” Cassian countered, shifting position so that he mirrored Azriel’s pose. “Because I’m really drawing a blank.”

"I fancied myself in love with her twin sister and pretty much used Eira as nothing but a source of information about Elain. Then, when I realised that Eira was my mate, I asked for permission to court her and within that conversation somehow found it prudent to say that Elain was the pretty one but Eira was the kind one and would protect our children fiercely. Then I gave her a harp as a courting gift, while she needed to sell her old one to keep her family from starving and nobody ever even thought about the fact that maybe that would bring up some bad memories. Then instead of asking what she wanted to do, I decided on the symphony, where I spent 3 hours sitting next to her in silence because all I could concentrate on was the fact that she held my hand . I have no fucking clue if sewing and baking and cooking are actually her hobbies or just the chores she liked best and I don't even know her favourite colour. Tell me how I am not failing, Cassian!"

Cassian opened and closed his mouth a few times, clearly at a loss for words.

Azriel let out a weary sigh and closed his eyes, scrubbing a hand over his jaw.

He knew he had screwed up. That he had failed miserably in so many ways. But saying the words aloud…hearing them said out loud…somehow just made it even more real.

He slumped down in his seat, burying his head in his hands.

“You…you really are an idiot, Az…” Cassian finally managed to say, his voice quiet as he spoke. 

Azriel knew that. 

"I told Nesta that everybody hates her," Cassian admitted quietly. "I didn't tell her that I loved her until after our fucking mating ceremony. I have no clue what her favourite colour is either, now that I am thinking about it."

When Cassian told him that, Azriel’s eyes flew open and he looked up at his brother, his jaw slackening.

“You what?” he demanded, not quite believing what he’d just heard.

"Not my best moments," Cassian admitted drily.

Azriel let out a choked snort at his brother’s reply, and he buried his head in his hands again.

“And you said I’m the idiot?” he asked faintly.

“We’re both idiots,” Cassian said matter-of-factly, flopping back against the couch cushions. “Maybe all males are idiots.”

"I didn't tell Feyre about the dangers the pregnancy put her in," Rhys said quietly. "I didn't tell her we were mates at first either. I am sure there are dozens of other things I did, where I failed as a mate."

Azriel sighed, and he let his hand drop to his lap, shaking his head in disbelief.

“You’re really not helping,” he said, his voice quiet. “I shouldn’t feel better about being a failure as a mate because my brothers are failures too.“

Cassian snickered at Azriel’s response, but Rhys let out a huff and gave him an amused smile.

“I’m just saying,” he began, his eyes soft. “You’re far from the only person to have ever messed up with a mate, Azriel. Hell, the list of things I did wrong with Feyre is longer than your arm.”

Azriel closed his eyes again, letting out a sigh as he rested his head back against the couch cushions.

He knew that Rhys was right. Knew that all the males around him were speaking the truth. He wasn’t the only one to have messed up with a mate.

But somehow, knowing that didn’t make the knowledge that he had failed feel any less raw. Any less painful.

“I don’t want to fail,” Azriel said quietly. “I don’t want to put her through…this pain. But I feel like that’s all I’m doing. All I did was let my own emotions and wants and desires drown out what Eira really needed“

"Then maybe you should ask Eira what Eira actually wants," Cassian said with a snort.

...And he was already back to making the exact same error as before, wasn't he? That should have been his first thought.

Azriel closed his eyes again, letting out another weary sigh.

“How?” he mumbled. “How do I go to her and say ‘Hey, I realize that I did everything wrong so far. And I failed you and I’m an idiot, so how about you and I can start everything over from the beginning?’”

A hand, strong and heavy, descended on the top of his head and ruffled his hair.

“By doing it,” Rhys said firmly, a hint of a smile on his face. “By looking her straight in the eye and telling her what you just admitted to us. She deserves the honesty.“

“And when she says ‘no’? When she says she wants nothing to do with a failure and idiot of a male like me?” Azriel asked bitterly. “What then?”

"She won't," Rhys said calmly. "She won't, Azriel. She has been in love with you for years."

Azriel let out a sharp huff at Rhys’s statement. “Even more reason not to take me back,” he grumbled in response. “She’s loved me for that long and that’s all I come up with? Silence and stupidity? If I were her, I would reject me too."

"Just talk to her," Cassian said with a sigh. "We have enough other problems to deal with that aren't your brooding, Az."

There were so many other things to deal with. So many other things more important than his brooding.

Maybe there weren't many other things that were more important than his relationship with Eira, but still…

“Fine,” he mumbled at last, his shoulders slumping. “I’ll talk to her.” 

He needed to talk to her. Once she was awake. In the meantime… "What did you do to Amren?" he asked Rhys, who looked up startled.

“We had words,” Rhys said clippedly. “I suggested that she'll stay with Varian in the Summer Court for a few weeks. She’ll be welcome in Velaris when she can apologise to Eira and actually mean it.” Rhys’ voice was icy when he said that. “And I am due to have another conversation with Morrigan because I am not letting her get away with it either. Which reminds me, Cassian, you also owe Eira an apology,” Rhys pointed out evenly.

Cassian grimaced. “I know,” he admitted with a sigh. “I just really doubt that she wants to hear it,” he admitted quietly. 

Rhys sighed. "Which brings me to our next problem: I didn't want to push it...but we need to get Eira to train."

Azriel inhaled deeply and closed his eyes for a brief moment.

Of course, they would need to talk about that. Part of him was even surprised that Rhys had waited that long to bring up training.

"She needs control," Rhys continued, holding up a hand. "I am not talking about training her to kill anybody. I am talking about her learning to control her...lightning. And maybe some self-defence if she is up to that."

Azriel nodded in agreement. As much as he hated the thought of any sort of violence being aimed toward Eira — hated the mere idea of seeing her get hurt again — he knew that Rhys was right.

She needed to know how to control herself. To protect herself. She needed to know how to fight.

Azriel nodded again, raking a trembling hand back through his hair.

A part of him felt like he was betraying Eira by agreeing to this. Like he was failing her again. But another part, the part of him that was a warrior, that knew how to fight, that knew the dangers that came with not being able to defend yourself…that part of him agreed with Rhys.

"I'll be the bad guy," Rhys said with a sigh. "I'll be the one asking her. I hope I'll get away without outright ordering her."

Azriel let a small huff at Rhys’s comment.

He knew that if anyone had a chance at convincing Eira to train, it would be Rhys. But that didn’t help the pang of guilt at the thought of his mate receiving further training — being forced into training to begin with.

“And this arrived yesterday,” Rhys said with a sigh as he dropped an envelope in front of them. 

Azriel’s mouth flattened as he looked down at the envelope, his heart dropping at the sight of the Day Court symbol.

Cassian let out an identical, weary sigh as they also caught sight of the symbol.

Everyone in the room knew what that invitation meant.

"Feyre and I are required to attend," Rhys said quietly. "If Nesta won't go...there will be talk. Maybe less talk if Eira doesn't attend, but there will be talk about strive between the sisters, regardless of what information we feed them."

Azriel had to grit his teeth to hold back from letting out a snarl.

He knew Rhys was right. Knew that there would be talk no matter what.

But the thought of Eira being forced to attend that wedding...forced to endure Elain’s presence… He clenched his fist and took in a deep breath through his nose.

He was not going to like this. “If Eira goes, I go,” he spat out. 

Rhys’s mouth flattened for a moment, and Azriel braced himself for a fight.

Instead, his brother just gave him a short nod. “I expected nothing less, brother,” he said quietly.

****

Eira had slept. The first restful night in quite a while.

She still felt exhausted. Still felt like the world around her was...blurry. But it didn’t feel like all her energy had been sapped from her body, forcing her into unconsciousness.

It was an improvement.

"How are you feeling?" Feyre asked her softly. Nesta and she were curled around Eira in her bed...reminding her of their days in that bed in that cottage. Just one thing was lacking: Elain.

“I’m...better than I was last night,” she mumbled truthfully, pulling her blanket tighter around her shoulders. “…Still tired though.”

"You winnowed without training. That should probably be expected," Nesta said drily. 

"You also nearly put Amren on fire with your lightning," Feyre said with a grimace, and Eira flinched.

"She had that coming," Nesta growled. "What did she tell you? Were you a waste of life as well?" Eira flinched again, wrapping the blanket tighter around herself.

She didn’t want to talk about Amren. Didn’t want to talk about anything that had happened. Didn’t want to think about anything that had happened.

She just wanted to…sleep. She wanted to forget. Let her eyelids close. Drift away. Not feel so goddamn tired…

"She told her that not training her powers was a waste," Feyre said quietly. "That Eira owed it to me because I hunted and apparently kept her alive . It was absolutely out of line and ridiculous."

A fresh wave of heat rushed to Eira’s cheeks as Feyre explained what had happened, and a pang of shame went to her stomach. 

Because Amren was right. She did owe it to Feyre. That, and so much more. Feyre had cared for her. Hunted for her. Protected her. And what had Eira done in return? Nothing. Nothing but fail.

“You know-“ she began to ask, her words cutting awkwardly off as she felt a pang of guilt stabbed her chest.

“Yeah, I know what she said to you,” Feyre replied, her eyes soft. “Rhys got the whole thing out of her…He had a few things to say…I had a few choice words to say to her myself.”

Eira’s heart dropped into her stomach. She should’ve known that Rhys would have found out. He seemed to find out everything sooner or later. She winced, suddenly feeling even more guilty.

"I am sorry," Eira whispered. "I didn't want...I'll...I'll train. I'll learn how to control it. I'll..." She would hate every minute but if it made it easier for Feyre, she would...

“No,” Feyre told her softly, but firmly. “You will not be doing anything to make my life easier, Eira. You owe me nothing. Do you understand me?”

She wrapped her arms around Eira tightly and rested her head against Eira’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to do anything. For me. For anyone. Understand?” she murmured softly. 

"Training would be a good idea, but you don't need to do that for me," Feyre whispered. "Do it for yourself, Eira."

Eira’s throat tightened, and she swallowed thickly.

She didn’t want to do any sort of training. She didn’t want to do anything in that moment.

She just wanted to lie in bed. Forget about the world. And yet…she knew that training would be a smart idea. That she did need to learn how to control her...lightning. And she didn’t want a repeat of last night. With great reluctance, she swallowed again. “I…alright,” she mumbled. “I’ll…I’ll train. And learn how to control…my…lightning.“

She hated the words as soon as they escaped her mouth, but she didn’t take them back. She knew it was the right thing to do…even if she didn’t like it.

"I know you're not looking forward to it," Feyre said drily, and Eira smiled despite herself. A tiny, reluctant smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"Who's…going to…" she began, before trailing off. “Who's going to be training me?”

"Not Amren," Nesta snapped immediately.

The words were like a weight being lifted from Eira’s chest. She was relieved more than she cared to admit that Amren wouldn’t be the one training her…and then guilt immediately set in. She shouldn’t feel so relieved. So happy. Amren had done nothing but be harsh but the truth to her, and yet…she still couldn’t stop herself from being happy that the female wouldn’t be training her.

“…That, we know already,” Feyre deadpanned as she shot her sister a fond smile. “But you’re right. Nobody is thinking about having Amren train Eira. It’ll probably be Rhys if you are comfortable with that.”

She took a deep breath.

Rhys.

Rhys was…good. She could deal with Rhsy training her. Out of all the options…he was good. It could be worse, she tried to tell herself.

“Doesn't he have...anything more important to do?” Eira asked hesitantly.

She knew that Rhys was the High Lord and…surely he didn’t have time to deal with her. Surely, he had more important things to deal with than training some…somebody like her. 

She was…waste of time, and she didn’t want to be any more of a burden on him than she already was.

“He’ll figure it out,” Feyre replied, giving her a soft smile. “He’ll make time, Eira. He’s good like that.”

Nesta made an annoyed sound, making Feyre roll her eyes.

Eira swallowed again, the words not really doing anything to reassure her that she wasn’t wasting Rhys’s time.

Rhys was important. The High Lord. He shouldn’t have to waste his time with her . She knew that she couldn’t say those things. Couldn’t make Feyre or Nesta realize how ridiculous this whole thing was…how insane it was to have the High Lord of the Night Court as her teacher .

“It’ll be fine,” Feyre repeated, giving her shoulders a gentle squeeze. "Now...how was...your meeting with Azriel's mother yesterday?" Feyre asked. "I need to admit, I didn't even know that his mother was still....alive," she admitted with a grimace.

"He mentions her...very rarely," Nesta disagreed quietly. "She's a seamstress though...She made him a jacket he wore for solstice once."

Eira hadn't known that…but then she also hadn’t known that his mother was still alive. He had never mentioned her to Eira at all. And Esmeray…Esmeray was the last thing Eira wanted to talk about. Eira didn't want to walk about...about what she had said.

"She…was nice. Sweet, like Azriel," Eira answered quietly, swallowing. "She was...maternal. Not like our mother was." It was true. She was sweet…kind…lovely. 

Feyre and Nesta exchanged a glance. "But?" Feyre prompted her quietly. "Did she say....anything?"

Eira didn’t say anything, just closed her eyes. “Talk to us,” Nesta said softly. “What did she say, Eira?” 

"She figured out who I was after I told her my first name...and then she said that Azriel is fond of me but he is fonder of Elain..and that it's too bad that she is mated to another," Eira blurted out, her voice shaky. "He didn't tell her...He didn't tell her that our…that the mating bond had snapped." She could feel the tears burn in her eyes.

"Oh, Eira," Feyre breathed, sounding heartbroken for her.

"I am going to fucking kill him," Nesta muttered.

“Get in line,” Feyre grumbled, and Eira could just feel the scowl her friend was shooting at Azriel in her head.

She swallowed again, feeling the guilt and the shame and the hurt and the….everything, rising up in her chest.

She didn’t want to be upset at this. Didn’t want to feel like…like she had a claim over Azriel, but she couldn’t help the painful pang in her chest at the words Esmeray had said.

Too bad that Elain is mated to another… 

He is fonder of Elain… 

Those words, they just hurt. They burned. And she felt so...helpless.

And the thought that he hadn’t told his mother about their mating bond…it just made the pain even worse.

"Azriel...he said…when he asked me to court…he said that Elain was the pretty one but I was the kind one," Eira choked out. "He wanted her. I am just...I am just a consolation prize to him, aren't I?"

For a moment it was silent. 

"First of all," Feyre said firmly, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "You are not a consolation prize. Don't ever let me hear you say that again, alright? You are not a consolation prize, you are a treasure ."

"Second," she continued, her voice growing cold. "He is an idiot. Who the hell tells you that? Why would he say that?"

Eira shrugged, feeling her eyes burn.

She didn't know. She didn't understand why he would say that. Why he had said any of what he had said? 

But she knew that...part of her, part of her hoped that he had meant it in an endearing way. That he had called her kind because he liked that about her.

"I thought...I thought just having him could be enough," she whispered. "But how am I supposed to live my whole life knowing that he would be happier if he was mated to Elain? To be compared to her day, after day, and found lacking?"

"For Fuck's sake, Eira!" Nesta snapped.

"He only wants me because of the bond. And maybe because of the vision he saw...he wants the babies we would have together, but he doesn't want me," she choked out. "Every other female would suffice as well."

"Stop that. You know that's not true," Feyre said firmly, wrapping an arm around Eira's shoulders again. "He cares about you; I've seen it for myself."

Eira choked on a bitter laugh. "What does it matter," she whimpered. "He might care...but Elain is still what he wants. Nothing will change that...not even the Mating Bond."

"Azriel...he's an idiot," Nesra agreed angrily. "A complete idiot who can't see that you...you're right in front of him. Yeah, Elain may be the most beautiful out of us all, but she’s clearly bone deep ugly, if she…she tried to keep your babies from you?” Nesta asked and Eira just nodded, tears pouring out of her eyes. 

“A girl,” she choked out. “A girl. Azriel’s wings but my hair. We looked so happy in that stupid vision. And I was pregnant again.” 

Feyre’s mouth fell open as she stared at Eira in shock, while Nesta’s eyes hardened furiously. “She...really…” Feyre’s voice trailed off, sounding heartbroken.

Nesta let out a loud, furious snarl. “She’s a monster . Elain is a monster ,” she spat, her hands forming into fists. 

“She…she tried to keep my babies from me,” Eira repeated, tears dripping down her cheeks. “Azriel and I…looking happy…and...and now...I..."

She had to pause, the tears making it impossible for her to continue.

Both Feyre and Nesta wrapped their arms around her, hugging her tightly.

“It’s not fair,” she choked out. “It’s not fair. I saw us. I saw how happy we were…”

It was as clear as day in her memory. That vision of them in that garden, of Azriel kissing her, of the little girl being hoisted up in the air by him…

Eira had looked so happy. Everything had been so perfect, so right…it had almost made her dizzy. It had been everything she had ever wanted. 

Only to have it ripped away. To know that she’d had a chance at happiness, a chance at…of a family, of everything that she had always wanted…only to have it ripped away so cruelly…

It hurt. It hurt more than anything she’d ever felt in her entire life.

"It's not fair," she mumbled hopelessly, burying her face against Feyre's shoulder, tears streaming down her cheeks. "It's not fair...He wouldn’t have even cared…he wouldn’t have even…looked in my direction…if the bond hadn’t snapped…he wouldn’t even have looked at me…”

Don't cry, the shadows whispered, coming to wrap around her hands. Don't cry. Master was an utter fool. Blinded by a pretty face. But he does care about you. 

She let out a sob, feeling more of the shadows slide up her arms to wrap around her.

She didn’t know that. Azriel cared…but it didn’t change how he felt about Elain. It didn’t change that he didn’t care for her, for Eira. He only…he only wanted her because of the bond.

He only felt responsible for her because they were mates. All the...feelings...he had towards her...were all just because of the bond.

The shadows only continued to coil around her as she wept silently into Feyre’s shoulder, her heart aching.

She had known from the beginning that Azriel didn’t care for her beyond the bond.

But...until she had heard what Esmeray had said, and learned that he hadn’t told her the truth, she’d still had some tiny part of hope. Some small, stupid part of her that had clung to the hope that maybe, maybe, he would start to feel for her the same way that she felt for him.

"I loved him from the moment I saw him. I looked at him and it was...it was like coming home," she choked out.

“Of course you did,” Feyre said softly, gently stroking her hair as the tears continued to fall. “Of course you did…”

Nesta said nothing, the only sound that escaped her was a low, furious huff.

"I am really going to kill him," she hissed.

“Save some for me,” Feyre grumbled as she held Eira fiercely, her free hand rubbing soothing circles into her back.

His Mother had words for Master, the shadows said quietly, coiling themselves into her hair. He's brooding. 

“Good,” Nesta said firmly. “I hope he’s miserable.”

“Nes,” Feyre said quietly, giving her sister a gentle nudge.

“What?!” Nesta said, scowling. “Seriously, he deserves it.”

Eira couldn’t help the tiny part of her that felt bad for him…that felt guilty thinking about him being miserable.

She knew Azriel didn’t love her, and didn’t feel the same way, but…a part of her cared about him. She didn’t want him to be miserable.

 "Why is he brooding?" she asked quietly.

The shadows hummed again, making a soft whispering sound before they spoke again.

His Mother told him he was an idiot. 

"She did?" Feyre perked up in surprise, while Nesta’s mouth curled into a satisfied smirk.

Yes, the shadows confirmed, coiling themselves into Eira’s hair like a strange, sentient snake.

It made something warm stir in Eira’s chest, imagining Esmeray calling Azriel an idiot to his face. Master realised that he hasn't been doing right to you...Not with the courting and not with...anything else. 

The words made more tears burn in Eira’s eyes, while Feyre shifted to give her a gentle hug.

“He’s realising, huh?” she grumbled. “That he’s been screwing up?”

Yes. The shadows coiled a little tighter around her, almost as if they were trying to comfort her. It made her heart ache in a different way, feeling warm and painful at the same time.

Will you talk to him? the shadows asked softly. Let him apologise? 

She was upset, she was hurt. She didn’t want to talk to him. She wanted to avoid him and forget this whole mess even happened.

But the shadows...they wanted her to talk to him. They…wanted her to let him apologize.

Another wave of guilt and shame washed over her.

Azriel had done…nothing wrong. He hadn’t done anything wrong, he merely didn’t…care towards her.

He wanted the bond, he wanted the comfort, he wanted a mate, he just…he just didn’t want her .

The thought made a fresh wave of tears fill her eyes, which she promptly buried against Feyre’s shoulder.

Feyre hugged her tightly, while Nesta gently rubbed her back as the shadows continued to coil themselves around her. “It’s alright,” Feyre whispered soothingly, as more shadows drifted down to comfort her. “It’s going to be alright.”

The shadows continued to hum and shift, wrapping themselves around her like a protective, comforting blanket. It was somewhat soothing, the sensation of their coolness, the feel of them wrapping around her, almost like they were trying to tell her it would be alright.

Master has a lot to say to you, the shadows spoke up again. Please, just listen to him, Eira. 

So she just nodded.

Thank you. 

The shadows hummed again, coiling a little tighter around her, and it was almost as if she could feel a sort of pleasure coming from them that she had agreed to talk to Azriel, to listen to whatever he had to say.

"But they'll stay," she choked out, pulling Nesta's hand tight around herself.

“Of course,” Feyre said instantly, wrapping her arms around her as well. “We’ll both stay. We’re not going anywhere.”

“Damn right,” Nesta said, tightening her grip as well. “I may need to restrain myself from knocking any sense into him.”

In any other situation, Eira may have laughed at that, but instead, all she did was give a shaky nod, letting herself be pulled in tight by her sisters.

The gesture was comfort, the feel of them around her reassuring and warm, even as her heart ached in her chest.

A few seconds later, the door opened slowly, and Azriel walked into the room.

Every bit of his usually impassive, stoic demeanour was gone, replaced by a look of anxiety and worry. Eira could see the tension in his shoulders, and the way his hands were clenched into fists.

He stopped a few meters away from them, his gaze locking on Eira instantly.

She could feel his eyes raking over her, like a physical caress, taking in the sight of her clearly tear-stained face. The way her hands were being clutched by Feyre and Nesta.

He looked desperate like he wanted to walk over and touch her, but one glimpse at the way Feyre and Nesta had her wrapped in their arms had him hesitating.

"How...how are you feeling?" he asked her, and she could see his throat bob as he swallowed.

“How do you think she is, you idiot?” Nesta snapped, her voice low and cutting.

Azriel didn't pay any attention to her, his gaze firmly locked on Eira, staring at her as if he was waiting for her to say something.

And Eira…she had no idea what to say. She had absolutely no idea.

She sat there silently, letting words and thoughts and questions swirl in her mind, but saying nothing. And it only seemed to make the tension in Azriel’s shoulders grow even more, the worry in his gaze deepened.

“Eira…” he breathed out, his voice soft and raw, and she could see his hands twitch like he wanted to reach for her. “Can…can we talk?”

Both Feyre and Nesta tensed, their grip on her tightening.

"You can talk. She will listen," Nesta said, her voice icy. "And then she can decide if she wants to take pity on you, or if she never wants to see you again. Did you seriously tell my sister that Elain was prettier than her in the same breath as you asked to court her?!?"

Azriel closed his eyes, looking pained at that, and she could see his shoulders slump. But he didn’t deny it, didn’t try to defend himself, and Eira just…felt her heart ache even more.

"I was an idiot," he said quietly, his voice low and thick. "I…I was a fool."

He sounded so miserable when he said that, and something in Eira just…wanted to tell him to stop, to tell him that this was hurting her more than he seemed to comprehend…but she just sat there, saying nothing, letting the tears still fall silently down her cheeks.

Azriel took a few steps closer, his gaze still firmly fixed on her. He looked miserable, like a wounded animal, like he was in pain.

And a small part of her…a small, stupid part of her wanted to reach out to him. Wanted to tell him it was going to be alright, to hug him and tell him she wasn’t angry.

But it wasn’t going to be alright, and she was angry. So she said nothing.

The silence seemed to drag on, the tension rising thicker in the room. The two sisters held her tighter still, their hands clenched around her, their own gazes fixed on Azriel, shooting glares at him.

It made him look even more miserable, and she could see him taking another cautious step forward.

“Eira…” he tried again, his voice so soft and pleading. “Please, please say something…”

The silence seemed to drag on, the tension rising thicker in the room. The two sisters held her tighter still, their hands clenched around her, their own gazes fixed on Azriel, shooting glares at him.

It made him look even more miserable, and she could see him taking another cautious step forwards.

“Eira…” he tried again, his voice so soft and pleading. “Please, please say something…”

"What do you want me to say, Azriel?" she asked, her voice weak. She wanted to scream and shout but she didn't have it in herself.

"What do you want me to say? Do you want me to talk about how your mother had absolutely no clue that we are mates ? How she told me that you were fond of me but fonder of Elain? How it was just too bad that Elain was mated to another male?!"

She could see his body go tense at that, his eyes widening.

It hurt her, to see the realization and pain slowly spreading over his face. He knew what she had gone through, what she had to hear, the truth that his mother had revealed.

But he didn’t understand. He had absolutely no idea just how much all that had hurt her.

"I thought I was alright with it. I thought I could live with it. I could live with the fact that you didn't actually want me. That you wanted the life that vision promised you...that you were in love with my twin sister and not with me."

The words stung both Azriel and her.

She could see him shifting, and hear a low, pained sound leaving his lips. She could see something in his expression…a pain and hurt so deep she couldn’t even find the words to describe it.

"You…you think I don't want you...?" he breathed out, his voice so low she almost didn't hear it.

"You don't want me," Eira choked out. "You wanted Elain. And before that, you wanted Morrigan. And then Elain's vision promised you me and you go along with it, because of the mating bond."

Azriel flinched at that like each word was a physical blow. He looked sick, the misery on his face growing with each statement.

And a part of her was satisfied, seeing him look like that, seeing him look in pain. It was what he deserved after everything that he had done.

But the other part of her…the other part of her ached and bled at every expression of pain on his face.

The silence again continued to drag on, the air still and tense with the heavy atmosphere between the two of them.

He hadn’t denied it, she knew he hadn’t denied it. He hadn’t said that she was wrong, that she was wrong in thinking the only reason he pursued her was because of the bond.

The thought made her eyes sting, tears brimming and overflowing. Her heart ached, hurt, felt like it was bleeding.

"I am sorry," he whispered. "I am so sorry, Eira."

The words stung, just as much as they gave her hope.

Her heart was aching in her chest, tears still falling slowly down her cheeks. Her shoulders trembled, and she took in a few shaky breaths.

She had been hurt by him. He had never even considered her before the bond had snapped. And he hadn’t denied it when she had called him out on it.

And still, she wanted him to fix this. Wanted him to find some way to fix this.

"I am not...I am not going and try to defend myself," he whispered. "I am not going and lie to you. And yes, Eira. I did see that vision and I felt that Mating Bond and I did want to pursue you. Because I want that future. I want that future with you."

She wanted that future with him as well, she longed for it, but she wanted him to come to her because he wanted her. Because he desired her, the vision be damned.

But instead, she came second fiddle to an image in a vision. Instead, she came last to Elain and Mor.

"And I went about it wrong," Azriel continued. "I should have...I should have actually made the effort to get to know you, Eira. I should have talked to you. I should have asked what you wanted. I should have asked for your favourite colour. And I should have..."

He trailed off, the words leaving him in a choked gasp. Eira could see the misery on his face, the suffering.

He looked completely miserable, his hands clenching into fists, his shoulders hunched and tensed, but he kept on going, his voice thick and low in his throat.

"I should have cared. I should have seen you. I should have noticed you."

"And I can't change it. I can't change what I did know. I fucked up, Eira. I fucked up so badly, that you have every reason and every right not to want to see me for centuries."

The words stung, and Eira just…she ached.

She ached, she hurt, and everything inside her had tears welling. She ached because…she wanted to forgive him. She wanted to give him a second chance.

But the thought of being second rate again, of being the last choice…it hurt.

But…she couldn’t tear her gaze away from him, either. Couldn’t look away from the sight of how miserable he was, how distressed and in pain.

It hurt, it hurt so badly…but a part of her just wanted to hug him, to reassure him…Azriel took another few steps towards her, his eyes fixed on hers. He looked so wretched, his eyes pained, his whole body shaking as if it was taking him a monumental effort to remain standing there. To force himself to remain standing so close to her, to keep looking at her.

He was still a good few meters away from her, but the expression on his face, the look in his eyes…

It was like he was in agony.

She could see his hands clenching into fists, and could hear him taking a shaky breath.

"You…you don’t have to forgive me, or even want to talk to me again," he said, and she could hear how hard it was for him to form those words.

It hurt…it hurt seeing him look so miserable, looking like he was in pain. And it hurt because she wanted him. She still wanted him.

And the fact that it hurt was what got to her, what finally made her move. She shoved off Feyre and Nesta, who were still holding her, both of them looking startled.

They protested, clearly wanting to hold her back, but Eira pushed her way through, walking towards him.

Azriel hadn’t moved, his body going tense, his eyes going wide as she approached him.

And she hated that part of herself. She hated how much she still wanted him, despite everything that had happened. How much she ached for him, in ways that should be impossible.

It was a sharp, dull ache, a desperate and constant pain, a desire to reach out to him, to pull him closer, and at the same time, shove him as far away as possible.

She wanted to shove him away, push him further away. She wanted to tell him to suffer, to hurt the way she was hurting.

But at the same time…she wanted to pull him closer. To feel his skin against hers, under her fingertips. To feel his arms around her, holding her tight, his lips against her skin.

It was maddening. He was maddening.

“I am sorry,” he said, the truth flowing like clear spring water from his words. “I am so sorry. And I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.”

His words…she wanted to believe them. Wanted to believe that he was being sincere, that he truly was sorry, that he wanted to make it up to her.

And a small, naive, foolish, hopeful part of her, the part that was desperate and hopeful and greedy, did believe him. Wanted to latch onto the words, to hold them tight and not let go.

“I want to get to know you. I want to learn your favourite colour and your favourite place in Velaris. I want..”

He paused, taking a shaky breath. His eyes were still fixed on hers, pleading and desperate and aching, his entire body practically aching with the need to come closer.

“I want to learn everything there is to know about you. I want to learn about your smile and your laugh and your tears. I want to be with you, Eira.”

The words…they were everything that she wanted to hear. Everything that she had wished he would tell her, and more. They felt like a caress, like a gentle breeze, a soft comfort. And they hurt.

They hurt because she wanted to believe him, wanted to reach out and hold him close. Wanted to forgive him and let herself be close to him in the way she longed for.

“I want to be with you,” he repeated, his words a choked gasp. “I want to court you. I want to mate you. I want to…I want…”

He trailed off, choking on the words, taking another deep breath. His body was shaking, his shoulders tense, his expression aching with the effort of it all.

He looked in pain, so utterly hurt, like every word out of his mouth was agony. But he was still talking, still trying to get out the words, trying to make her understand.

“I want to spend every waking moment of my day with you,” he continued, his tone so raw and open and aching. “I want to wake up with you and go to sleep with you. I want to hear your voice and see your face every damn day.”

“I’ll do better, I’ll be better,“ he whispered.

He sounded so desperate, his voice thick and raw and pleading. It was like he was being ripped apart from the inside like he was in physical pain.

And Eira…she couldn’t help it.

She couldn’t help but believe his words, couldn’t help but let her stubborn, foolish heart hope.

“Please,” he continued, his voice breaking. “Please, please give me a second chance. I’ll…”

Another breath, another choked gasp. His shoulders hunched, his fists clenching tighter.

“I’ll do anything, just please give me a second chance. Give me the chance to right this. Give me the chance to prove to you…prove to you how much I want you. Just…give me another chance.”

His voice was so raw, so open, the look in his eyes pure pleading. He looked like he was ready to beg, ready to do anything for her. Anything to give him another chance.

And her heart, her foolish, stupid, hopeless heart…the part that wanted to hold onto him, to forgive him, to give him that chance ached.

She still hurt, still ached, the words from his mother still so fresh in her mind. The thought of being second, of being his last choice…it was a sharp blow against her.

But at the same time, she couldn’t stop the part of her that wanted to hold onto him. That longed for just a chance, just a moment where he was hers, where she was first and last and everything in his heart.

Azriel looked ready to continue, but he stopped when he saw the look on her face, her conflicting emotions warring inside her chest.

He closed his eyes, his shoulders dropping. He was probably expecting her to say no, to turn him down. He probably expected her to…

To do the sensible, rational thing. But sensibility and rationality were the last things she was feeling right now.

Her heart was aching, her body trembling, her emotions a swirl of conflicting feelings. Her mind was screaming at her, telling her just how idiotic she was for considering this.

And at the same time, her heart was yearning, longing for him. Wanting to grab onto him and never let go.

Azriel’s entire body was shaking, his eyes still closed, looking like he was bracing himself for her answer, for the words he expected her to say.

The words she should say, the words that would send him away, that would make her turn and walk away.

And yet…she found herself taking a step closer towards him. And then another.

She wasn’t even sure why she was doing it, why her body was moving before she even knew it, her mind screaming at her to stop and turn around and walk away.

But she kept moving towards him, each step sending a strange, giddy rush shooting through her, her heart aching and fluttering at the same time.

And she stopped in front of him, less than a foot of space separating them, her eyes fixed on his.

Azriel still hadn’t opened his eyes, his face tense and taut as if waiting for the blow to come.

But the blow never came.

Because Eira reached out, her fingers trembling as she reached up to touch his cheek.

Azriel's entire body jerked as if he had been struck, a gasp leaving his mouth. His eyes flew open, shock and surprise clear on his face.

But he didn’t move, didn't pull away or even flinch as her fingers made contact with his skin.

He just stood there, frozen as he stared at her.

Her hand trembled, her throat tight as she felt the warmth of his skin. His face was tense, his breath catching with every moment her fingers remained against his skin, like he was fighting the urge to turn his head and press his lips to her skin.

“Eira,” he breathed out, the word a whispered plea, a prayer. And then he seemed to realize he had moved, was on the edge of reaching out to her in turn.

But he caught himself, his hands hanging at his sides. He was holding himself back, holding himself from reaching for her…

And somehow, that made her even more determined, her decision stronger.

She wanted him to reach for her, wanted his hands on her skin, wanted him to hold her close and never let go.

She slid her hand along his cheek, her palm caressing his jaw. And she stepped even closer, closing the very last bit of distance between them.

They were so close, her body almost pressed flush against him. He was so warm, his body burning, and so large, like a rock, unflinching and steady against her.

She could feel him trembling, just barely holding himself back from wrapping his arms around her. His eyes were fixed on hers, longing and pleading and aching.

Her breath caught when she realized how closely she was pressed against him, how only a fraction of distance separated their bodies. She could practically feel his racing heart under her skin, hear every quick and desperate breath leaving his mouth.

He was breathing fast, ragged and sharp, every little inhale shuddering from his lips like a gasp. He looked like he was about to snap, his entire body visibly trembling like a taut thread on the edge of snapping.

“Don’t do it again,” she said softly. “I won’t…I won’t be able to go through it a second time.”

Her words seemed to hit him like a physical blow, his breath hitching in his chest. She could see the pain that flared on his face at her words.

“I-I won’t. I swear,” he responded, and his voice was so gentle, like he was talking to a wounded bird. “I swear on my life, I’ll never let you go through that again.”

He was holding himself back, every muscle and sinew in his body tense with the effort of it. It was like he was fighting the urge to pull her flush against him, to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight.

“I swear, Eira,” he repeated, his voice a low and achingly sincere promise. “I swear I’ll be better. I’ll be everything you need, anything you want.”

“The only thing I want is for you to be yourself. I want you. All of you.”

A choked gasp left his mouth, his eyes going wide. He looked almost stunned like he couldn’t quite process what she had said.

“I…you want me?” he asked, his voice rough and raw, filled with disbelief.

She nodded, her heart hammering in her chest. “Yes. I want you,” she confirmed, her voice firm and unwavering.

The words had a strange effect on him. It was like they had knocked the air from his lungs, leaving him looking completely awed and shocked.

He took another shuddering breath, his body trembling as he stared down at her. “You…you really still want me?” he asked his voice barely a whisper.

And just like that, the dam broke inside him. He reached out, pulling her flush against his body, his arms wrapping tight around her.

His head dropped to her shoulder, his body shuddering as he pressed his face against the crook of her neck. “I’ll do better,” he whispered, his voice ragged and raw and desperate. “I’ll be better. I’ll be the male you deserve. I promise.”

His body was shaking against hers, holding her tight like he was afraid she would disappear. He was breathing fast, hard and frantic, his chest rising and falling against her body frantically.

She could feel him shaking like a leaf, every muscle in his body taut and tense as he held her tight but oh so gently. And under that, she could feel his racing heart, beating so fast and intense that it was dizzying.

“I’ll be everything you need,” Azriel repeated, his lips moving against her skin, his words spoken in a low, ragged whisper. “I’ll be your male, your mate. I’ll never leave you, never hurt you or let you down again. I swear it, Eira, I swear it on my life.”

His fingers were digging into her skin, clinging to her so tightly that she could feel the slight, sharp pressure of his hands against her like he was trying to hold her to him, keep her as close as possible.

He was holding her so tightly that it should have hurt, but it only felt good. It felt like a comfort, a reassurance like he would never let her go.

[pit-and-the-pen]

Unrequited Love

A/N: I had to get to the airport to return a rental car like 5 hours early so I’m so sorry for the pure amount that I’ve been posting today but as a socially awkward girly, if I’m on my own phone then for sure no one is going to talk to me.

Anywho here is some angsty angst about day court!reader and Azriel.

Part 2: Here Alt Ending: Here Part 3: Here

Forgive any typos I wrote this on my phone.

Warnings: none

WC-1.4K

————————————————————————

My blood was boiling beneath my skin. Azriel has been complaining for the better part of an hour about Rhys gag order regarding Elain. I was trying not to roll my eyes as I had reached my wits end with his lamenting.

“I just don’t understand why he needs to meddle in this. I get she’s Feyre's sister but he doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” he runs a hand through his hair and leans back in his chair. “I just can’t help but think that sometimes the cauldron gets it wrong.”

His words were spoken so plainly. Anger wanes for a second as I swear I could feel my heart break inside my chest. The words seemed to echo in my head Maybe the cauldron gets it wrong. I almost would have rather had him carve out my heart with truth teller.

“What do you think?” He asks me and I sit reeling over his words. I can’t think of anything to say to him. The comforting words I would normally have for him can’t get past the anger starting to cloud my vision. So I simply shrug, avoiding the question. Desperately trying to change the subject.

“So this new book I’m reading…”

“Oh c’mon.” He interrupts me. “I know you have something to say. And I trust your advice more than anyone else. There isn’t anyone else I would rather talk to about this.” His eyes softened as he looked towards me. Instead of melting under his gaze like I normally do, red bites at the edge of my vision.

“I think you should leave her the hel alone.” My tone is not gentle. He freezes.

“What?”

“She has a mate already. And regardless of if you think the cauldron got it right. Lucien is the one mated to Elain,” I tried to keep my voice neutral. “And Lucien is a wonderful male who has been through a lot of shit. He deserves someone as sweet as Elain, if she ever comes around. You should stop meddling.”

His mouth opens, when no words come out, he closes it again. You see the muscles in his jaw tick as he clenches his teeth.

“What has gotten into you? When did you become Lucien’s spokesperson?” He spits at me. His face starts to get closer to mine as he leans over the table, slowly starting to rise to his feet.

The sane part of me is telling me to stand down. That one of the most powerful warriors in all of Prythian was starting to get angry at me. My mate was starting to get mad at me. But I would not cave under his intimidation.

“I became his spokesperson when you showed no respect for him. Or for Elain.” I noticed I was starting to get to my feet. “What about what she wants? She doesn’t owe you anything more than she owes Lucien. Rhys told you to stay away from a girl you feel entitled to and now you want to mope like a petulant teenager. Grow up Azriel.” He flinches before something stoney sets in his eyes.

“At least I’ve actually told her how I felt. What about you?” My stomach drops into my knees. “Sitting and pining over the same person for a century.”

“You knew?” My voice was nothing more than a whisper. This was not happening. I should have left when I had the chance.

“It’s not like you tried to hide it. I thought at some point you would get the hint that it wasn’t going to happen but yet there you always were trailing behind me like a sad little puppy.”

My hands on the table started to glow faintly. My anger was finally breaking through the surface.

“You asshole. You stupid Illyrian bastard.” The smirk that graced his face fell instantly. “After everything that I’ve done for you, you want to use my feelings for you as some fucking weapon against me.”

Even I was surprised at the venom in my words but I was on a roll. “I sat by for five hundred years. I sat by as you pined over Mor, someone I consider my sister. I felt that bond go unreturned.” He completely froze at my words. Words I have never spoken out loud to anyone.

“Wait-“

“No. You get to hear this shadowslinger.” I pressed my finger to his chest and he stepped back like I had hit him. A small part of me wishes I had. But this. This right here is why Rhys kept me around. I didn’t need to throw a punch to put someone on their knees.

“I followed you around like a lost puppy and you loved it. Every second of it. I was stupid enough at some point to believe that it was because you felt it too. And I couldn’t get away from those feelings,could get away from you. Every time I tried I would damn near drive myself crazy and then you would smile or say some funny joke and I was right back to where I started.” I willed the slight shake in my voice to disappear. “You just wanted to feel important because the one you truly loved wouldn’t have even entertained the thought. Took other males into her bed, but not you right? So why not go for the next available thing. Me. Who cares if I got hurt? Who cares that I still fucking loved you through all of it? Not you clearly. You played me like a fucking fiddle and I played my part well.”

When I finally looked back up at his face I saw nothing but a shell of the male that stood in front of me. Even his shadows had retreated from his side. Looking down I realized they were sitting at my feet. I pushed down the glimmer of something I didn’t have time to think about at the sight.

“Please. Just stop.” He pleaded.

“Why? Because it hurts to hear? Fuck you. “And you think that didn’t hurt me too?” I watched him pale. “You didn’t think it killed me to feel that empty weight in my chest every time I looked at you. Everyday that I waited and wished that you would feel that stupid bond I’ve had to live with for the last two centuries.”

He gasped at my words cutting me off

“You never told me about that. I just thought it was… I don’t know… I thought it was a crush like how I felt with Mor”

A muscle in my jaw ticked. “I shouldn’t have had to! The whole point is that you feel it too. Bonds aren’t supposed to be one sided but for some gods unknown reason, you didn’t,” I felt the anger really starting to boil over.

“Every time I heard you rambling on and on about how perfect Mor was, about the females you took into your bed. I sat by all of it, for what? Three sisters for three brothers?!” I was screaming now, my hands shaking by my side

“What happens when she’s all fixed up too Azriel? When she feels this same thing I feel when she looks at Lucien. Onto the next one for me to hear about I guess . Always on the sidelines. Always the sweet face to come back to at the end of the day but never the one you want to be with.” I took a deep breath for the words about to come out of my mouth, steeling my nerves.

“I’m done. With this. With you. Fuck this entire gods damned city. I will not sit by and play second to whoever you deem worthy enough for the rest of my life.”

He held up his hand like he was going to reach up for me but the light that was glowing off my skin was warning enough.

“Where will you go?” Was all he had the nerve to say.

I let out a cold, twisted laugh. “Anywhere but here. Hel I could finally go home. Helion has

been asking me to come back for years now. All I know it will be somewhere where you can’t come and ruin another half a century of my life. Because that’s what you did. I wasted all this time on someone I knew wouldn’t love me. But I can agree with you on something, Azriel.” I paused long enough to see the hope in his eyes as he whispered “what?”

“That sometimes the cauldron does get it wrong.”

I walked out of that room with my head held high

[lunajay33]

All in my Head🖤

Summary: You’ve been head over heels for Azriel since you were kids but never said anything, but when Elain enters our lives you spiral and everyone can see how much you’re breaking what will happen when Az finally notices

Pairing: Azriel x f!reader

Warnings: depression, lack of eating

•Masterlist•

Flashback

“Come on Az I just wanna play!” I squealed excited that Rhys finally let me play with his friends

“I don’t know, why would you wanna play with me” he said glum as ever

“Because I like you now come on cas and whys are waiting for us!” I said taking his hand and running towards the others and that’s how our little group formed

Present

Ever since I met Azriel I knew I loved him he was so kind and amazing even if he didn’t show that side to others I knew him deep down but how do I tell him he’s my mate? It’ll ruin everything

“Hey sis what’s running around that head of yours now?” Rhysand asked as he sat on the couch next to me

“The usual” I sighed putting my book aside, Rhys always knew how to read my feelings, sometimes it was a curse but he was always there for me

“Just tell him you never know what’ll happen”

“I don’t know I’ll…..I’ll think about it okay”

“Okay as long as you consider it” he smiles

But then everything got in the way, Feyre entered our lives and I was so happy my brother found someone to love him the way he deserves but then her two sisters came soon after and what happened just ruined me

Azriel couldn’t take his eyes off of Elain, he spent all his time with her everything was about her and he started to pull away from me

I started spending more time with Mor and Cas they always cheered me up sometimes even the presence of amren was better than sitting with my thoughts alone

“Honey I think you need a girls day out, come on we will go shopping and make Cassian carry everything” she said making me laugh which felt strange these days

“Okay!” With that me Mor and Cassian walked the streets of velaris having a great day for once

“Oh Cassian this would look amazing on you!” I said holding up a red wine colored silk button up shirt

“You think?”

“Of course I’m getting it for you! You’ll look amazing”

“You don’t have to I can get it” he said fumbling for his money

“No you’re my best friend it’s just a little treat from me okay?”

“God you’re amazing” he smiled

“Hey y/n what do you think of this dress?” Mor asked behind us holding up a simple sapphire dress that flared at the waist and came to mid thigh

“It’s cute!”

“I think you should get it, maybe it’ll catch the eye of a certain someone!” She said winking making my face heat up

“Oh I don’t know Mor”

“Come on you have to try”

“Ugh fine but only because I know you won’t quit”

I paid for everything and we made our way back to the House of Wind hanging out in my room, Cas tried on his shirt and like I thought he looked amazing and they convinced me to try on the dress

“Well what do you think?” I asked nervously fiddling with the hem

“Angel you look stunning” cas said mouth open in awe

“Really?”

“Oh girl if only you were mine” Mor laughed as she made you twirl

“Stop you’re embarrasing me”

“You know I think this is the perfect moment for you to go tell him” with all the compliments it boosted my courage and I agreed

“I’m gonna do it!”

“Go get him girl” Mor said excited as they waited in my room, I ventured down the hall to Azriels room where he spent most of his time, but when I turned the corner what I saw felt like an arrow through my heart

“I love you Elain” he said as she pulled him into a passionate kiss

I turned quickly not wanting to hear or see anything else, I ran back to my room in tears, cas and Mor quick to question

“Hey said he loves her, they kissed”

“Oh Angel I’m so sorry” Cassian said holding me in his arms, after hours of crying I settled down and just wanted to be alone now

“Let us know if you need anything” Mor stated before they left leaving me in the darkness that was my heart

They days went by and I never left my room for anything, they’d bring me food but I never bothered knowing I couldn’t stomach it

Hearing a knock on my door before it opened Rhys quickly sitting by me on the bed

“Oh my little star, it kills me to see you like this” he said pulling me into his chest

“It hurts Rhys” I said clutching my chest

“I know sis I know”

“It feels like I’m dying, maybe I’ll be happy then”

“Hey don’t say that, you never say that”

“Maybe it’s for the better” I said pulling away and laying in bed

“What can i do” he asked rubbing my back

“Nothing can help me now Rhys just….just go be with Feyre”

“You know I love you”

“I know” he placed a kiss to the top of my head before leaving

The cycle continued until one night I had enough, I packed a small bag and left in the middle of the night, it was hard with how frail I’ve become and how numb I feel, but I walked along velaris to the mountains till all that was left of velaris was a distant light, I came to a cliff out looking the ocean, I first came here with Azriel when he needed to get away for a bit where I realized he was my mate

Seeing the sun rise I pulled out all the little gifts my family had given my that I held dear to my heart, a little star figurine from Rhys, a necklace from Cassian and a antique ring from Mor, then a diary that Azriel handmade for me I laid them all out before me missing what I use to have, remembering how things use to be

“I love you all” I stood up teetering on the edge of the cliff, about to take my last breath feeling the wind blow across my face I fell forward when I hear Rhys scream in my head

“Y/N NO” his scream making me flinch but it was too late as the ocean surface neared, I sighed in relief before arms circled around me and suddenly I was on the cliffs surface again

“Rhys no why’d you stop me, I was gonna be free” I scream turning to see it was Azriel not Rhysand

“What the hell were you thinking?” He said anger laced in his voice

“Just let me go”

“No we’re going home” he sighed packing my little bag up and winnowing us back to the house of wind, everyone was sat around anxiously, but when they saw me Rhys ran to me holding me close but I couldn’t shed anymore tears there was no more left, I’ve become a shell

“Oh my little star”

“I’m tired Rhys, I’m so tired”

“Why didn’t we just let her do it she’s so obviously done” Elain stated making the others gasp

“Get out” Azriel growled shocking everyone even myself

“But baby…”

“No you get out of this house, you never speak to my family like that, especially not her” with that elain stomped out having a long walk ahead of her

“Come on let’s get you to bed Angel” Cas said as he picked up my frail and exhausted body

“I can take her” Az said making my heart skip a beat from its frozen state

“Is that okay Angel?” I looked up at cas and nodded

Soon being in Azriels arms it just felt right he was so warm

Azriel placed me down on the bed covering me tight, pushing away stray hairs

“How did this happen, I haven’t even noticed anything” he sighed a defeated look on his face

“How could you, you haven’t talked to me in months Az” I whispered out

“I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I was so confused and the whole time you’ve been in front of me”

“What do you mean”

“When Rhys called for me to save you, I felt it in my chest the fear of losing you, of never being able to show you how much you mean to me, it snapped, you’re my mate”

“I know” his eyes widened littered with sadness

“What when? Why didn’t you tell me”

“I’ve known for centuries, that day we shared on the cliff, but I think I’ve always known, I wanted you to love me for me, not the bond”

“Mother above I’m so sorry, but I swear I’ll spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you, how your eyes sparkle when you’re talking about something you love, or how you always smell like vanilla and it makes my heart beat against my chest when you walk by, I love everything about you, just please give me a chance” he was now crying which I barely ever saw

“I’ll give you a chance as but…..but I need time”

“I understand just let me help you my love” I nodded feeling my heart start to thaw for the first time in months

[serpentandlily]

Untouchable Part IX Teaser

Untouchable - Azriel x Rhysand'sSister!Reader

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

“I’m not waiting any longer,” Azriel growled at his High Lord. “I’m leaving. Now.”

Both Azriel and Rhysand looked worse for wear. Rhys’s face was littered with bruises and cuts and Azriel was sure he looked no better. But he didn’t care. All he cared about right now was that his mate was in the hands of that fucking sorcerer and he was going to rip that male apart limb by limb for ever thinking he could take her.

“We need to think this through, Az,” Feyre pleaded. “If you rush in, you’ll end up dead and be of no help to Y/n.”

Azriel’s hands tightened into fists. These past two days had been hell. Once Rhys had misted the Prince in the clearing, he had winnowed the three of them back to Velaris—to start planning their rescue mission.

He hadn’t even gotten two words out before Azriel pounced on him. He could barely remember those first few hours after she had been taken. All he knew was the anger he felt—the rage. The mating bond snapping into place. The bargain breaking. And her…his love being taken away from him, his heart and soul with her. 

And Rhys, the fucking asshole, had been at the center of his anger. For making him agree to that bargain with him in the first place. For making him stay away from her—his mate.

It had taken Cassian, Mor and Feyre to pull them apart that day. 

He had stopped starting fights with Rhys but his anger still pulsed under his skin, ready to strike at a moment's notice. 

"We've had plenty of time to think,” Azriel snapped at his High Lady, causing Rhys’s head to shoot up with a warning glare. 

“Watch your tone,” Rhys bit back at him.

“Fuck you, Rhys!” Azriel slammed his scarred hands down on the desk between them. “I’m going and I swear to the Gods if you try to stop me, I’ll rip your throat out!” 

“No, fuck you, Azriel!” Rhys yelled, standing up to his full height. “Stop acting as if you’re the only one affected by this! She was my sister long before she was your mate! Maybe if you hadn’t gone behind my back—” 

“Maybe if you hadn’t made us make that stupid bargain with you in the first place, we would’ve never had to! I could’ve had centuries with her. You stole all those years from us!” 

The second the bond snapped between him and his mate, Azriel swore he lived a whole lifetime. A whole lifetime they hadn’t been afforded. It had all flashed right before his eyes. His mate…His beautiful mate. She deserved so much better than this and as soon as he got her back in his arms, he would give her the whole world. He'd tear the sun from the sky if it would make her happy. 

“Guys, stop! This fighting between the two of you has only made things worse! Fight all you want once we get Y/n back, but you need to focus. Both of you. For her sake,” Feyre snapped.

Azriel ran a hand through his hair, letting out a noise of frustration. His shadows swarmed around him like a monsoon—screaming his mate’s name over and over again in agony. “You don’t understand, Feyre. Every single time I feel her…during those tiny moments she slips through to the bond…all I feel is her pain. He’s torturing her. How am I supposed to sit here while my mate is being tortured?” 

He turned away from them, unable to look at Rhys any longer as a few tears slipped down his cheeks. He had completely and utterly failed his mate. Had let her get into the arms of an enemy. This was all his fault…all of it. She would’ve never even ran away from Velaris if he had never tried to move on with Elain last year. He put those thoughts in her head and there was nothing he regretted more in his life. He had never wanted Elain. He had never even wanted Mor. He had tried, when he thought Rhys’s sister was off limits, to move on. But he had never, ever stopped loving her. He had never felt anything for anyone other than her. 

And she had been ripped away from him before they could even have a life together. 

“That’s it,” Rhys whispered from behind him. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner.”

“What?” Azriel snarled, whipping around. 

“You said you can feel her sometimes—through the bond, right?”

Azriel nodded his head, crossing his arms. 

Rhys stroked his jaw in thought. “He must be drugging her with faebane. But not consistently. There must be small moments when it wears off before he gives her another dose. That’s why you can feel her sometimes.” 

“Where are you going with this?” Feyre asked.

“We can use the mating bond to tell us when to act,” Rhys explained. “When Azriel can feel her, we know her magic is regenerating. We should stop looking at this as battle and more like a stealth mission. We bait Koschei into coming to the water’s edge the moment Azriel feels my sister down the bond—act like we are declaring war. Keep him distracted long enough for her to get back most of her power. Meanwhile, Azriel can slip into the cabin, release her from whatever binds he has her in and get her out.” 

“What about the wards around the cabin? No one can winnow in or out. Even Az’s shadows might set it off.”

“I’ll have to get inside without using any magic,” Azriel said. “I can do it. I can get to her. As long as you keep him distracted and buy me enough time.” 

“Helion has given Y/n some lessons on setting and breaking wards,” Rhys added. “Once she sees you, once she realizes she’s being saved, she can start working on breaking them so she can winnow the two of you out.” 

“And you trust that she’ll be able to do that?” Feyre asked. 

Rhys let out a long sigh. Azriel knew how much it would pain him to have to force his sister to save herself. Rhys had always been the one doing the heavy lifting for their family, always keeping his sister as protected as he could, especially after she almost died. But he couldn’t save her this time. 

He’d need to have faith in her.

“She can do it,” Azriel declared, full of confidence in his mate’s abilities. “She is not that little girl in the woods anymore, Rhys. You’ve trained her. I’ve trained her. She is more than capable of this.”

“I know she’s not,” Rhys whispered. “She hasn’t been. Not for a long time. And I’m sorry, Azriel, I truly am. You’re right. I should’ve never forced you to make that bargain.”

“Save your apology for when I get my mate back,” Azriel spat out.

[jjmaybankssurfergf]

It wasn’t Rudy or Madison. It was his gf that had a problem and has apparently caused scenes on set and made people uncomfortable because SHE is uncomfortable. To be fair it would probably suck having your bf being shopped with another girl constantly but to cause problems in his acting career is the bigger problem because this will follow him to every job he where he has a love interest. Rudy and Madison follow each other on socials. Elaine and Madison don’t but Elaine follows all the other cast members.

Look anon we can talk but if your gonna start stuff take off anon, first off madison bailey is a bully. She really is and when jj died she showed her true colors. Her acting sucks, her attitude sucks, her movie sucks, and her whole personality sucks. Sorry but its true, the reason why i didnt throw in elaine is because thats a whole other story, if want clarification on that just ask and i will gladly give it to you or anyone. Mariah is a jerk too sorry but thats true she was the one who started the unfollowing social media bullshit. Yes his gf played a part in the drama but you cant also say madison and mariah are innocent, because there not. Madison bullied rudy behind set, and he was super uncomfortable and upset. He was being hurt to the point where hes like "Ok this is going way to far". Madison bailey is what you would call a mean highschool girl bully, because thats the person she is. The reason why no one noticed it is because of her body and looks, which is soooo true. Just because rudy follows her on social media does not mean anything, he just doing it so he doesnt get hate and constant dms of fans giving him shit about it. Im not saying Elaine is innocent but shes not the only drama queen, there are two others who like to start shit too. And how are you going to tell me it will follow him in every job when he literally had a play call Romeo and Juliet where he had to kiss and hug another women for a month straight every night? See how that doesnt make sense which now it concludes to bailey being unprofessional and a major bitch. You can believe its all elaine fault, but its not just her its madison bailey and mariah no one ever caught onto it until now, when rudy is officially done with outer banks and jj is dead. The reason why people caught onto it so late is because they were just focused on rudy and jj in the show and now because hes gone theyre focusing on madison and putting the puzzle pieces together and what really happened. Like i always say karmas a bitch it was coming for her either way and it bit her in the ass. Im not afan of what she did and rudy didnt deserve the hate and the constant pettiness from her, or her girlfriend but what can i say that just another self centered bitch for you 🤷🏼‍♀️

[acourtofthought]

Lucien, to his credit, didn’t back away a step. From Rhys, or me, or the Illyrians.

Elain cut in sharply, “I am not a child to be fought over.”

My friends glanced to each other. Mor said, “It will be—very dangerous.” A half smile curved Lucien’s mouth. “Good. It’d be boring otherwise.”

Elain stepped out of a shadow behind him, and rammed Truth-Teller to the hilt through the back of the king’s neck as she snarled in his ear, “Don’t you touch my sister.”

“I’m going with you,” he said again, face splattered with blood as bright as his hair. “I’m getting my mate back.”

“His name is Lucien.” I wasn’t certain if I’d ever heard his name from her lips.

There is something so lovely about Elain and Lucien's quiet fearlessness and the above is just a small sampling from the series. It is not boastful, not loud. It quietly lives on in the background, making itself known when it is needed. Elain being the one to halt the King in his tracks during the battle for all their lives. Saving so many with her actions yet never bragging about it. Lucien not claiming that the dangerous journey to the continent would be easy for him but instead remarking that he likes that it will keep him on his toes. Elain standing in front of her fiance, a fae hating one at that, making sure he knew the name of her mate. Lucien calmly not backing down from the most powerful High Lord in Prythian, from the most powerful Illyrians of the NC. They both have such a quiet but fierce strength, something that often has others overlooking them, but something that is going to make their story epic and their happily ever after well deserved.

[azrielslightintheshadows]

Hi I absolutely love your writing! I devoured all you fics in record time. I've seen a lot of things about a shy & insecure reader x Cassian but I was wondering if you could do one with Azriel instead? Az is my favourite batboy and I'm also quite shy and insecure so I wouldn't mind reading one. Although I know you probably get a lot of requests with how great your writing is so its ok if you don't like the request I'm content just reading your amazing fics.

Meant to be together.

Azriel x f!Reader.

Masterlist.

Summary; Reader believes that Azriel deserves better than her.

Warnings; angst, insecurities, mentions of sex.

Hello! Thank you so much! You didn't specify which of Cassian's fics you like so I let my imagination take charge of the whole fic. I hope this is what you had in mind, if not feel free to request something else. I really hope you enjoy this like I did!

You changed your mind yet again about the dress you tried on and threw it on the pile of the rest of them. You were getting ready for dinner at the house of wind and since it is the third time you will hang out with the inner circle your nerves are going crazy. You met Azriel a few months back when he literally fell out of the sky and landed on his back in your garden.  He never told you how it happened. After helping him into your house and cleaning his wounds he fell asleep and the next morning he woke up with you next to him wide awake and staring at him. You had stayed the whole night by his side monitoring his breathing and checking for any bleeding. He observed your worried pale face with black circles beneath your red eyes and the bond snapped. You blushed when he told you that you are his mate and for the first few dates you avoided his gaze like your life depended on it. Azriel didn’t really have a problem with that, he is shy and quiet too so your whole behavior helped him cope. And now after some months of building trust and love he decided to introduce you to his family and make you a part of it.

You huffed and threw yet another dress on the pile when the familiar beating sound of wings filled your small apartment, Azriel came in through the window and stood next to the pile of clothes staring at them. He looked so out of place in your small room, his body and those beautiful membranous wings taking up most of the space.

“Angel, you look perfect in everything just pick one dress” he sighed and stared at your bare back.

“No I don’t…I just need a few more minutes to find the right dress. I’m sorry” you mumbled and searched the closet.

He knew that if you didn’t find a dress that made you feel good, you’d probably hide behind him for the whole night so he didn’t pressure you and hummed an okay before laying down on your bed.

You tried one of the dresses that used to belong to your mother when she was about your age and finally you felt pretty, a grin appearing on your face as you twirled around.

“What do you think?” You asked Azriel who was gaping at you.

“I think that you should join me here and skip dinner” he licked his bottom lip and opened his arms in a silent invitation. You blushed and stared at the floor.

“That’s not polite what will your family think about me…” your voice was soft.

Azriel smiled at that and got up, he walked up to you and wrapped his arms around your waist pressing you against him.

“You’re so cute” he cooed and kissed your nose making you blush harder and hide your face in his chest.

“Okay let’s go” he chuckled and picked you up.

The flight was silent, and you enjoyed the view of the city, it soothed your nerves. You landed on the balcony of the house of wind with a thud and entered the dining room. Everyone you knew was there and two females you didn’t recognize.

“Oh great you’re here” Feyre exclaimed “y/n these are my sisters, Nesta and Elain”

Both females were stunning, and you stared in awe as they smiled.

“Hello, nice to meet you” you smiled back.

“You are Azriel’s mate, right?” Nesta asked and glared at Elain.

“Yes” you replied and glanced at your mate who was watching his brothers bickering about something.

The females didn’t say anything else, so you took a seat and stared at your napkin not sure what to do. Azriel sat next to you and soon everyone was eating.

You glanced around and noticed the longing looks Elain was sending to your mate who didn’t have a clue since he was way too lost in his food. You moved your eyes on the table again and didn’t dare to look at her again. Such a beautiful female, her and Azriel would make a great couple if only you weren’t in their way. Your heart ached at the thought, and you lost your appetite. Azriel noticed that you were playing with your food and nudged your foot with his own. You pretended you didn’t notice and kept staring at your plate.

“Are you okay?” He whispered in your ear.

You shook your head and leaned closer to him.

“I want to go home now…” you whispered back. He only nodded and excused the two of you saying that you weren’t feeling well before picking you up and flying you home.

You walked inside and quickly turned around blocking Azriel from entering. He furrowed his eyebrows and took a step back.

“I’m sorry to do this now but I don’t think this is going to work”. You said softly.

“What?” He exclaimed “why?”

“I’m sorry” you repeated and tried to shut the door, but he was faster than you and his scarred hands pushed the door open again.

“No. You don’t get to do this, we will talk this through” he growled and walked inside shutting the door behind him.

“There is nothing to talk about Az… we are from completely different worlds. I’m a loner while you have so many friends and family”. You whispered.

“You can be a part of it too, and if you don’t want to then I will stay with you. I will spend less time with them.” He said with a pleading look.

“I think that Elain likes you, she is such a beautiful female, and she fits into your family really well. She will make you happy.” You confessed and ignored the ache in your heart.

“What are you talking about? Elain has a mate and even if she didn’t, I wouldn’t care. I only want you. You are the most beautiful and amazing female I’ve ever met. Your calm and quiet personality keeps me grounded, you make me feel safe and comfortable and I would rather spend my whole life locked in this apartment with you than anywhere else without you.” His voice broke at the end, and he stared at you with a pained expression.

“Are you sure? I just want the best for you.” You whispered.

“You are the best for me, I don’t even know what I did to deserve you. You are the light in my darkness.” He wrapped his arms around you pressing you against him as he left a soft kiss on your head.

“You give me a reason to live” you confessed and pressed your cheek on his chest. You could hear his heart beating faster at your words and his scarred hands rubbed your back.

That night he made love to you again and again worshiping your body and whispering sweet promises. That night he proved to you that you are meant to be together.

Requests are open but delayed!

[phoebe-delia]

Friend!! For the writing prompts… let’s see. How about……. good luck babe by chappell roan. Or if you don’t want a song prompt, how about: pool day / cookout / bank holiday weekend etc

✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨ to you dear friend!

Oh, oh Elaine, @oknowkiss you know the way to my little writer's heart!! Thank you for the prompt options, my lovely friend. What a great selection! I do love a good angsty song prompt, especially one with these themes. This is Drarry gold; I'm not sure why I didn't think of it sooner, to be honest.

Based on "Good Luck Babe" by Chappell Roan. Big big thank you to my darling @basicallyahedgehog for looking this over. cw: angst, unhappy ending, implied infidelity (not really between Harry and Draco)

"I don't think this is working."

Draco's fingers freeze in their task of buttoning up his shirt. He blinks at himself in the mirror once. Twice. "I'm sorry?"

His eyes shift to Harry in the reflection. Draco feels a bit disgusted with himself at the immediate rush of affection for him; for this man with his cotton shirt and boxers, now nervously running a hand through his sleep-mussed hair.

"I've had a great time with you these past few months," Harry says. "But I don't think this will work out. I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but you deserve the truth."

Draco’s speechless for a long moment before he asks, “And what is the truth, Harry?”

Harry looks away, and Draco nearly snaps at him to at least have the decency to make eye contact while breaking his heart—but he doesn’t.

“The truth is that I don’t think this will work out,” Harry says carefully. “There are certain…responsibilities and considerations I have to make—”

Draco scoffs. “Bullshit. It’s because of her, isn’t it? You’re leaving for her.”

Harry flinches. “N-no. I just…”

“You’re a lot of things, Potter,” Draco says coldly, fingers moving quickly to finish buttoning his shirt, “but a coward hasn’t been one of them. Until now.”

“Draco, please—”

"Fuck off." Draco grabs his wand and strides out of the bedroom.

He heads for the door, but Harry beats him to it, blocking his exit. “Just wait—”

“Get out of my way.”

“No, Draco, not until we talk about this.”

“What's there to talk about? You already said this isn't working. Why try to fix what you purposefully broke?” Draco spits the last word like poison, relishing the way Potter winces.

"I just want to explain."

“No! You said I deserve the truth, but the truth is, I pity Ginevra," Draco sneers. "She’ll get your name and your ring. But she’s got no idea she’ll be marrying a man who closes his eyes and fucks her while thinking of men,” Draco's sneer twists into a cruel smirk. “Of me.”

“But....I love her,” Harry whispers.

“You love her like a sister, Potter.” Draco reaches forward, using a finger to lift Harry’s chin until their eyes meet. “But she could never make you feel the way I do. No one can.”

Draco surges forward, capturing Harry’s lips in a heated kiss. Harry gives in immediately, and he barely seems to notice when Draco flips them around and presses himself against the door.

He pulls away, panting against Harry’s lips, and reaches one hand behind himself to grasp the door handle. “Have a good life, Potter. I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for.”

With that, Draco opens the door behind himself and steps backward. He slams it shut, but the last thing he sees as the door closes is Harry, staying silent, but with one hand outstretched, reaching for him.

Send me a prompt! See the guidelines here.

[clockwork-ashes]

All You Have Is Your Fire - Part XXVI

Find all previous parts on Ao3 :)

Summary: 'I can hear your heart beating through the stone.' For the briefest of moments, Lucien wondered if his mate would know exactly when his heart’s steady rhythm came to a sudden stop.

Note: A huge thank you to the lovely @sad-scarred-sassy who deserves all the credit for the post that inspired me to start writing this :) Another huge thank you to everyone reading! ALSO please look at this post, I gasped it's so lovely. All of @teddyhoneybear's moodboards are stunning <3

Tag List: @anishake / @nocasdatsgay / @mybestfriendmademe / @talibunny30 / @halfbutneverwhole / @wishfulimaginings / @goldenmagnolias / @emmers-bens123 / @cauldronblssd / @xirose / @rarephloxes / @thehighlordishere / @the-darkestminds /

Lucien could barely hold back his smile. 

Elain was close to his side, pressed against him so that only her skirts were between them. Her one hand was holding onto his own, their fingers linked together and inseparable, while the other was clutching his arm comfortably. She was telling him about Nesta and Feyre, how the two always argued because they were so similar. There was a sparkle in her brown eyes, a brightness that only came when she spoke about those who she loved. 

Beautiful. 

Lucien found his mate particularly stunning when she was unworried and at ease. Loose curls escaped the confines of her braid, and he had to fight the urge to hook the strands of hair behind her pointed ears.

“Do you think that’s why you and Eris don’t get along?” She asked innocently, genuine curiosity clear as she tilted her chin to look up at him. “You’re too much alike?”

Lucien cringed, knowing he had wrinkled his nose in displeasure. He could scarcely remember the last time anyone had compared him with any of his brothers. “Don’t offend me,” he mumbled. 

Elain laughed, the sound as lovely as daybreak. It echoed prettily in the empty corridors of the Forest House, ringing around them just as surely as it did in Lucien’s mind for moments after she had stopped. 

Lucien shook his head with a frown as he remembered that they were walking to the study Eris had claimed as his own decades before he had even been born. He could still recall hiding among the neatly organised bookshelves, escaping to the cosy space even when Beron’s eldest son was not home. “I still can’t believe you told him.” 

Eris had suggested that Elain try and release some of the pent up magic, claiming it was dangerous to do so with no training. While Lucien actually agreed, he was still not sure how he felt about his brother’s steadily increasing involvement in their lives. In two days, they would be back in Velaris, the business with the wedding finally over. He secretly hoped Eris would drop the subject after their departure. Lucien, in any case, could not imagine the Autumn Court male going to the Hewn City despite the promise he had made to work on Elain’s abilities until she became more confident.  

She shrugged, hardly concerned. “I foresee he’ll be a great help to us.” There was a restrained amusement to her words, the feeling trickling down the bond so Lucien could easily sense that she was merely teasing. 

“The number of jokes at your disposal is unmatched,” he said, knocking his shoulder playfully into her side. 

Elain grinned up at him, her dark eyebrow raised in challenge. She opened her full lips to respond, but her expression quickly transformed into one of concern. She pulled him to a stop, her head turning in the opposite direction. 

Lucien was immediately alert, trusting her instincts just as well as his own. His muscles tensed as his ears caught the low sound of shouts coming from the hallway leading to the throne room. 

“What’s happening?” She asked, just above a whisper. He could practically see her analysing the situation, weighing what she knew about Autumn and those that lived within the confines of the Forest House. 

Assassination attempt. 

The thought crashed around in Lucien’s skull for a moment, the familiarity of the feeling returning, a reminder of his past. It had happened before, enough so that Eris had taught him to sleep with his bed pushed to a wall, to ensure that his back was never exposed. He had to get Elain away, wanted to winnow her somewhere she would be safe but had no idea if there was a place secure enough within the court. 

The torches flared around them, bright as the sun, and stayed that way. Lucien balanced Elain as she stumbled with a sudden yelp in her effort to move further from the walls. Embers fell to the stone floors like shooting stars, disappearing almost as soon as they had flickered to life. 

The raw burst of power was one Lucien would have known anywhere. He had, after all, learned how to wield his own abilities at Eris’s side. 

Realisation dawned on him, slower than dripping honey. The shouts continued to travel down the empty hall, and he easily identified the distinct voice of each of his brothers. “If I ask you to stay here, will you?” He addressed his mate, trying to keep the concern from his tone, but failing miserably. 

Elain pressed her lips together, shaking her head slightly, a charming dimple appearing on her pale cheek. “Not a chance.” 

Lucien sighed. He had expected her answer, but was still worried about her well-being. “Just promise you’ll keep your distance.” If Elain was anything like her sisters, he figured she would despise being kept far from the commotion. 

She squeezed his hand to reassure him. “I promise.” It would have been too much to ask for his brothers to be on their best behaviour for a fortnight, Lucien thought coldly. They began to walk once again, this time in the direction of the continued shouts. 

Stay close. 

Lucien hoped the message came across clearly on the bridge between their souls. He would never forgive himself if something happened to Elain, but he knew the trust built between them would have crumbled had he forbidden her from coming with him. As they approached, the muffled shouts became easier to understand, and when they finally turned the corner, they could do nothing but pause and watch.

Eris was loud, his words an angry snarl. “Consider for a moment how easy it would be for me to kill you both and simply be done with this.” He was standing in the middle of Ronan and Felix, using his body to separate them. Taller than both, the span of his arms ensured they stayed away from one another. 

Despite being a courtier and much smaller in size than Ronan, Felix lunged. Lucien sensed Elain’s confusion down the bond, her feelings mirroring his own. He had assumed the two were on good terms, had even witnessed as much during their short time in Autumn. While he knew nothing ever stayed the same in the Forest House, he was surprised by the swift moving game everyone played. 

Eris shoved Felix away roughly, stopping the younger male in his tracks, ensuring that a physical altercation did not begin. 

“Stay out of it,” Felix spat, expression murderous. He whirled on their eldest brother, directing his anger at him instead. Lucien could tell that Eris preferred it, could practically see the way he adjusted his stance in anticipation for things to quickly turn into a more violent direction. 

“Can’t you see he’s itching for a fight, brother.” Ronan called, a slur to his words. It took Lucien a moment to realise that he must have been drunk. “Perhaps he needs to learn a lesson.” 

Felix smiled, looking every bit a snake with fangs. He ran a hand over the sleeve of his opposite arm, a flash of silver appearing at the cuff, a silent message.

Eris seemed to have spotted it just as Lucien had, his entire body pulled taut. He looked like a warrior as he straightened his shoulders. “Enough,” he snapped, flames in his amber eyes, embers falling from the tips of his fingers. On most occasions, the tone would have frightened the rest of his brothers into yielding, but whatever had begun the argument was not so easily settled.  

“Fuck off,” Felix clipped, stepping around Eris and right into Ronan’s line of sight. 

Callum suddenly appeared next to Lucien, winnowing into the space effortlessly. Elain turned to look at him, but he did not even spare her a glance. He sighed loudly, rubbing a hand over his face, the action tired. “What could it be this time?” 

Lucien shook his head, watching the scene continue to unfold in front of him. No weapons had yet been drawn, but the threat was there. 

“Should we do something?” Elain wondered quietly, more to herself than to him and Callum. 

Lucien bit his lip, considering. “We might just make it worse,” he said, knowing from experience how volatile fights between his siblings could become. 

No sooner had the words left his mouth, Ronan threw a wicked stream of fire at Felix, the power strong enough to make the younger male shift on his feet. There were no burns, no fabric singed. It was clearly a warning, one that had Callum inching closer. 

Callum approached the small group just in time for Felix’s answering magic to fly by him, hitting a decorative vase. It fell to the floor and shattered, tiny pieces dusting the stone like snowflakes. Almost like the toll of a bell ringing before a blood duel, the sound had each of his brothers springing into action. 

Lucien watched as Eris was caught in the middle of both Felix and Ronan. The way they hit each other was brutal, and no amount of Callum pulling on any of them was enough to end the fight.

There was more yelling as Eris tried to convince them to stop, but their voices rose over the sound, arguing about something Lucien had no context for. He tried to catch onto any key words, but was unable to piece a clear picture together. 

“Stay here,” Lucien mumbled, stepping away from Elain. She held onto his shirtsleeve, and he added a quick, “please.”

“I don’t think—”

Lucien did not wait for her to finish, winnowing into the fray. She would have asked him not to intervene, and he would not have been able to refuse her. The wind was quickly knocked out of him as Callum was shoved backwards right into his chest, an elbow catching him in the ribs. There was no time for apologies as they all attempted to find purchase on the nearest clothing item, pulling and trying to create distance between Felix and Ronan. 

Lucien heard Elain call out his name, glad that she still remained far, that she had not attempted to move closer for a better look. His relief was short-lived as Felix twisted, throwing all of his body weight at him. 

“You shouldn’t have come back,” Felix hissed as they fell to the ground in a tangled heap. It was low enough that no one else would have heard, the words making Lucien uneasy. 

Exile. 

Felix had been a vicious child, cunning and manipulative and always eager to impress their father. While he and Lucien had been close in age, a few short years separating them, they had never gotten along. The constant comparison had forged competition between them, ensuring that they were never allies. 

Lucien moved roughly, his shoulder hitting Felix so hard he drew blood. The copper scent lingered in the air as he scrambled to his feet, breathing ragged.

Felix stayed on the ground, a scarlet trail falling from his nose and running over his lips. It gave him a wild impression, fire flickering in his gaze. “You bastard,” he snarled, the insult venomous falling from his mouth. Lucien flinched, his eye whirring.

“Enough.” 

The word fell over Lucien, echoing in the space. It was the direct order of a High Lord and there was no other choice but to listen. 

Lucien watched as Felix paled, noticing how the sound of Ronan fighting with Eris stopped immediately. He turned to see their father standing next to Elain, a crown made of oak leaves resting on his chestnut coloured hair. His mate looked small, her hands curled into fists at her sides. She was obviously worried, but she stayed frozen in place, hardly recoiling at the power leaking from the ancient creature near her. 

When it was obvious that he held each of his sons’ attention, he turned a sharp gaze on Felix. “Is that any way to speak when a lady is present?” 

His brother’s lip curled up in anger, as though he were ready to argue. There was blood on his teeth, giving him the appearance of a predator. Beron raised a hand, stopping him before he even started. “Is it, Felix?”

Everyone held their breath, an unnatural silence in the corridor. Lucien’s eyes flicked between the two males and his mate, wondering what he might do if the situation became explosive. “No,” his brother uttered, the word strained, like it was being pulled out of him against his will. 

Eris moved, the shift small, but Beron saw it from the corner of his eye. Their father shot him a withering glare, warning evident in the tight pull of his mouth. “Where are your manners, child?” 

Felix bristled at the insult. Lucien could see him weighing the idea of his punishment, considering how angry Beron was to determine his choice. “You have my apologies, lady,” he said, a restrained anger in his tone. He dipped his chin mechanically, a mockery of a bow. 

Elain stayed still, looking like the statues of Day, regal and unbothered. Her silence added to the tense atmosphere as they all waited to see what Beron would say next. 

Their father simply nodded. “Leave the fighting until our guests are gone,” he ordered. There was collective relief amongst Lucien and his brothers as they realised there would be no further punishment. The humiliation seemed to be enough for Beron, a testament perhaps to him being in a good mood. 

The High Lord winnowed without a word, snuffing all of the torches in the hall. Plunged into a few short moments of darkness left Lucien disoriented, he barely realised that Eris was standing behind him. The fires were lit easily, and he could not decide which one of his brothers had done so. He barely gave it any thought, not when Elain ran to him, skirts in hand, her eyes wide with worry.

Lucien half saw as Felix swatted Callum’s outstretched hand, refusing any help and getting up inelegantly. Blood had stained the collar of his brother’s shirt, and for a moment guilt flooded his senses. 

Felix spat onto the floor, scarlet smattering the pale stone, before he marched away. There were dancing embers flowing behind him, Callum following at a safe distance. 

You shouldn’t have come back.

Lucien pushed Felix’s words to the back of his mind, focusing on the comforting hand Eris placed on his shoulder. The gesture was more kindness than he had received from his eldest brother in centuries, but the warmth from his palm was gone quickly as Eris moved towards Ronan. 

Elain grabbed onto Lucien’s wrist, the contact enough to settle his rapidly beating heart. She tucked herself into his chest, letting him wrap an arm around her waist. He glanced at his remaining brothers, keeping his mate close. 

“You should have stayed in Night,” Ronan said gruffly, straightening his jacket. 

It was unclear to Lucien whether the comment was directed at him or Elain.

[moonlightazriel]

Son of the Darkness Epilogue /// Azriel X F!Reader

Summary: Hidden for so long The court of shadows thrived, and things were great until the high lord's death, now the next in line should assume the crown of high lord of shadows, will he accept his duties?

Warnings: None

Word Count: 625

Notes: It’s a bittersweet feeling as SOD is finished, this was my first multichapter series and I love it so much, it was a very nice journey.

Son of the Darkness Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Y/N sighed, her hands resting on her desk as she sipped the warm tea, a soft knock sounded on the other side of the door, and as the door opened, a male stepped in.

“High Lady.” He bowed his head a little. “This appeared today, it’s for you.” He approached the table and left the letter on top of the papers that were scattered around.

“Thank you, Yur.” She said and the male just nodded, leaving her office. She reached for the letter, no name on it, but she opened the envelope, grabbing the paper inside.

“Dear Y/N!

It’s been a while since we saw each other, things have been great ever since our last encounter. Nyx is growing up so fast, it makes my heart ache with the change.

Nesta and Cassian are happily enjoying their mated life, training the priestesses and whoever wants to join them in combat.

Elain is out in Spring Court with Lucien, the two of them are doing a great job in rebuilding Spring alongside Tamlin, and slowly learning about their bond. Elain told me she plans to accept it soon.

We’ve been happy, and we miss you dearly, but I’m afraid things aren’t as good as we thought, as things with the Mortal Queens are still tense and a new threat looms in the dark.

Rhys doesn’t want to disturb, he says that you and Az need your peace, but I know he is distressed, that he hasn’t been sleeping, fearing that we’re forced to go to battle again.

From a High Lady to another, I beg for your help. We need to prepare for whatever is coming.

Love, Feyre!”

The words made her heart twist on her chest, what could it be now? She clenched her fists, the thought of another thing to disturb their well deserved peace made her blood boil.

She got up, going after her mate, the letter clutched in hands. She found him by the sparring ring, Eris was there, she had no idea they were even coming today. Eva quickly wrapped her from behind.

“I missed you baby.” She says and Y/N smiles at her.

“We missed you too.” She replies, still feeling tense. Azriel immediately turns to her, blocking Eris and striding towards his wife.

“Something wrong?” He asks, feeling her distress through the bond. His hand rested on her belly.

“They need us.” She said, letter in hand. Azriel quickly reads through it.

“I’m sorry but we can’t go.” He replies.

“Of course we can, I still can handle myself Az.” He rolled his eyes.

“You’re four months pregnant, woman.” He pointed and Y/N shrugged.

“I still beat your ass any time.” She argues. “I’m not dying Azriel, I can fight just as well as I could.” Azriel held his mate closer.

“Please, reconsider.” He pouted and she pinched his cheek.

“No! Now we need to get ready, all of us.” She looked around, Eva and Eris nodded but Azriel still didn’t want her risking her life.

“There’s nothing I can say to make you give up?” He begged.

“I never ran away from danger, and I certainly don’t plan to do it now.” She rubbed her belly.

“Okay, but if I feel like you’re in danger, no matter how small, I’m protecting you, and only you, you’re my priority.” He warned.

“Such a Mother Hen.” She joked, pulling her mate in for a kiss. “We will be safe Az, with you, we’re always safe.” She reassured him.

“I can’t say no to my mate.” He finally gave in. “I bet they will be quite shocked about you.” He pointed to the round belly forming.

“Let’s just say that I love to do a big entrance.”

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

Taglist: @allison-rosewood-maximoff @devilsfoodcake22 @fieldofdaisiies @valeridarkness @brekkershadowsinger @margssstuff @patdsinner33 @justdreamstars @dr4g0ngirl

[fauxdette]

A Court of Truth and Light

Summary: Elain tracks Azriel down at his private residence to get answers about the night of Winter Solstice

•••

Azriel heard her before she knocked. Nothing unexpected for a spy master, but he was surprised his shadows had allowed her to get all the way to the door before tugging him out of sleep.

He reached for a dagger absentmindedly; slipping an arm into the leather scabbard hooked on the edge of his bed and sheathing the blade in one quick movement. There had been no whisper of danger from the darkness but he thought it was better to be safe. Besides, why else would she be here? In the dead of the night, at his personal residence?

A tentative knock. He opened the door.

She wore a thin robe wrapped tightly around her frame and he somehow knew a silk slip lay underneath. The thought alone winded him. He imagined how the garment must feel on her skin, brushing against her thighs. The way it would stretch tighter across her breasts—

“Are you okay?” He needed to know as much as he needed to pull his mind from where it had wandered.

“I- I wanted to see-” Elain hesitated. Her arms were crossed, hands gripping her elbows firmly even though the night air was warm. Not cold then… nervous. “Cerridwen and Nuala told me where to find you.”

He nodded but didn’t move. She must’ve read the concern on his face, “I’m fine.”

Relief.

“I’m sorry. I don’t really know why I’m here.” She forced out a laugh but her voice was quiet.

“Would you like to come in?”

He’d spoken before the reality of the words hit him. But she deserved an explanation. He realised it in that moment. This woman who had so much choice stolen from her; who had picked him that night in the River House, she deserved the truth. So he shuffled aside in the doorway, tucking his wings closely behind him and gave her a small smile.

“Up to you.”

[justascrollingghost]

My genuine question to the Az and Elain shippers is why would you want this for them both?

We know Azriel to feel he’s not worthy. We know him to be fiercely protective but never the first and only choice so why would you want him to be in a position where he knows the woman he loves isn’t destined for him and could leave at any moment for her mate? Why would you want that for him? After everything he’s been through, Azriel deserves his own mate and he deserves to be secure in the love his partner has for him.

Elain deserves to find herself and figure out who she is outside of being the naive sister. Her being with Azriel would be her falling for the first person to connect with her and show her real care and friendship outside of her family and I think that’s really sad? She deserves the opportunity to explore the world without trailing behind her sisters and that’s never going to happen in the Night Court. To me, everything about Elain screams that she’s in the wrong place and I really hope we get to see her explore that. As for her mate - we’ve been led to believe that mating bonds are so sacred they override all the laws and rules of every court. Why wouldn’t you want her to at least get to know him? To give this chance of unconditional love a shot?

I just don’t get it.

[theseeingfawn]

Summary:

Azriel and Elain confront the implications of their choice and set boundaries.

Chapter 5 | Read on AO3

Azriel

“How’s Mayberry?” asks Devlon as I walk, fully clothed down Main Street. He’s not thrilled that I’ve chosen to settle in Hewn Hills temporarily. I can’t tell if he is genuinely concerned for the town folk or if he just likes to nettle me. To be perfectly honest, the town, while charming, is not ideal for the lifestyle I typically lead. There are no nightclubs, shooting ranges, twenty-four hour gyms or quick access to an airport. There’s not much for me to do. “Things are fine. Maybe a tad boring.” 

I officially moved into the townhouse and for obvious reasons, I don’t want my mail delivered to Rhys and Feyre’s home. The last thing I need is Feyre snooping through my stuff. Which brings me to why I am currently walking down the street at 10 am on a Sunday subjecting myself to the staring of suspicious townies. A PO box is the safest way to make sure my private matters stay private. 

I wave at a gawking lady as she walks into a diner. She blushes and quickly waves back. “Maybe you can pick up a new hobby, you’ve been working non-stop since we met. I don’t want you to start getting sloppy.” I growl into my phone. “I don’t need a hobby.” I hear Devlon chuckle before he adds, “a girlfriend then, you need to blow off some steam.”

“That’s not…” as if on cue I see Elain across the street. She’s walking down the sidewalk beaming and waving at every person passing her. They all seem equally as thrilled to see her and I practically hear them cooing over her from where I’m standing. She’s wearing a pair of cut off denim shorts that show off her lean legs and a pink tank top. Her wavy hair is unbound and blowing in the wind. It’s like she’s moving in slow motion but she’s not, I’m just going insane apparently. Her expression is one of utter happiness. Her skin is glowing, no doubt from hours spent outside toiling in her garden. She’s so deliciously sweet. It’s exactly the distraction I need from my boredom. 

She stops outside the hardware store and chats with an older man. He says something that makes her laugh. The sight of her smile is enough to make my heart clench. “Hello! Rosehall!? Are you still there?” Devlon practically shouts at me. “Sorry, I lost service for a second, you know how these small towns are.” I clear my throat since I can’t seem to clear my head. “Listen, I called because there was a report of suspicious activity at Amarantha’s last night. I'm going to need you to go into the bar and make yourself acquainted… if you know what I mean.” I watch as Elain heads into the market. “Look Devlon, I have to go, just email the details and I’ll take care of it.” I hang up before he can reply. 

Elain

I reach for a box of cocoa pebbles when I hear a soft masculine voice behind me say “Hello.” I nearly jump out of my skin at the man’s sudden appearance until I see a scarred hand pull a box of the protein cereal into his waiting basket. 

“What are you doing here?” I ask suspiciously mainly because I wasn’t expecting him and I am slightly mortified that I basically begged him to date me last night. It may also have something to do with the fact that I typically need ten good minutes to mentally prepare for interacting with him. You know, to keep my wayward mind from descending into the gutter and what not. 

“I believe it’s called shopping.” I frown down at his poor choice in cereal. Choosing to ignore the dry humor in his voice. How can he eat that cereal? Oh my gods, I bet he eats boiled chicken and rice for dinner. That simply won’t do. I pull his cereal out and replace it with cocoa pebbles. The man deserves to live a little after all. 

“Shouldn't you be out scaring the town folk?” Unimpressed, he grabs the box protein cereal and places it in my basket, “You need strength Elain Archeron if you’re going to be my girlfriend.” I gasp a little. Of course he wouldn’t let me forget. “You came all this way to make sure I eat enough protein?” 

“All the way from the townhouse? Yes.”I notice a hint of a smail at the corner of his deliciously full lips. I realize I’ve got no defense against this man. I may need my strength after all. 

I turn toward him, allowing myself to take a moment and appreciate him. How can someone so large and intimidating have the most beautiful face? His hazel eyes sparkling with mischief. His clothes, well he is sort of dressed for combat which is amusing and sexy at the same time. I see the edges of black ink peeking out from beneath his collar and I have the sudden urge to trace it with my tongue. He is mine now, surely I can lick him. Get a grip Elain, what kind of deranged thought was that? Pauline is literally twenty feet away. 

The reminder we are in public and the fact that he called me his girlfriend has me turning in the other direction. The last thing I need is to do something regrettable like climb him on aisle four.

He follows quickly, “Are you on a lunch break?” 

“No, I have the day off. I actually plan to visit Nesta. I usually pop into the store and get her a few things. She’s too proud to admit she needs help so I pretend that I bought too much food for myself.”

Oh gods, why did I tell him that? Nesta would kill me if she knew I was talking about her behind her back. Feyre would probably be disappointed I was still offering her help. The last thing I need is to start another round of fighting between my sisters. I feel a headache forming just thinking about it. I pinch my forehead, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you that. Feyre might kill her if she knew I was helping out.” Azriel gives me a sympathetic look before asking, “How is Nesta?”

“You saw her yesterday, she is… the same.” He nods, “But you know her best, how is she really ?” I let out a long exhale. Nesta hasn’t been the same since our father died, perhaps even before that. Our father was once a successful business man but got caught up in some gambling scheme involving the mob. He had to declare bankruptcy after they took every dime we had. And if that wasn’t enough they busted his knee caps as a reminder not to wrong the boss again. He had been lucky really, they could have done so much worse. 

After that, I became a full time caregiver. Feyre was forced to drop out of high school to help make ends meet. Nesta hated father for our downfall and refused to help, Feyre thinks it was out of spite but deep down it was more than just that, Nesta was broken-hearted. When he was killed two years ago, Nesta shut down entirely. She began drinking and doing the gods knew what with any man she could find. I stop in front of the toothpaste section and take a steadying breath. 

“She won’t face what’s happened. I’ve tried to get her to go to therapy but she shoots the idea down every time. Most people think she’s cold and harsh but deep down Nesta loves more fiercely and deeply than anyone I know. She just doesn’t know how to forgive herself. I used to be able to get through to her but lately, she won’t even let me in.”

Azriel places a hand on my shoulder, “That sounds really tough,” his voice gentle and kind. He leans closer to me, like he wants to comfort me more but isn’t sure how. I look up at him and the tenderness in his eyes does nothing to help the tears that begin to well in mine. I turn away before they can spill. I grab a tube of toothpaste and throw it in my basket, “It’ll be alright. She just needs time, I have to believe that she’ll find her happy ending.” I say willing myself to smile. Being upset doesn’t help her. It doesn’t bring our father back. It doesn’t undo the years of poverty or fix our strained relationship. It’s better to cling to hope no matter how fleeting it may be instead of giving in to despair. 

Azriel grabs a tube of denture paste and throws it into my basket. My somber mood instantly lifted as my tears give way to a small smile. I reach for the tube and place it into his, “silly you, you missed your basket.” He begins to object before I quickly add, “forgetfulness is common with old age.” I walk to the next aisle as he stands there stunned. Unfortunately for me Pauline is there stocking the shelf just around the corner and I freeze when I see her. Azriel nearly bumps into me but catches himself quickly. 

He smiles at Pauline, “Hi there, do you know where Elain can find the intimate care section?” I choke on a breath as I look back at him and glare. How he is able to look impassive at all times astounds me. Pauline glowers at him but gestures for us to follow. All the while my cheeks are burning hot with embarrassment. Pauline vaguely gestures to the aisle on the left and goes back to her work, not before she gives Azriel a look that would melt bark off a tree. “She likes me,” he says confidently. I laugh and steer us down the aisle, fully aware that Pauline is likely mentally sharpening her pitchfork. “You know, you're not doing yourself any favors by taunting Pauline.” 

We pass the intimate care section and I toss a package of heavy duty overnight pads into his basket. I try not to snicker at the look on his face. With a self satisfied smile I round the corner and Azriel meets me half way down the aisle, no pads to be seen in his basket. How the hell did he do that? 

I face the impressive display of baked goods and he stands shoulder to shoulder with me. I know I shouldn’t be buying baked goods from here because I own my own bakery but I can’t resist the smells. I cut my eyes to him and fight a smile as I see he is doing the same. And then he turns toward me, “you know I’ve been thinking about last night.”

Shock whips through me as I drop a package of eclairs. Using my bewilderment to his advantage, Azriel slyly slips a bottle of stool softener into my basket and strolls away. 

Horror, curiosity and unease all tangle inside of me. I spent most of the morning pretending last night didn’t happen. I don’t want to know what he’s been thinking about.

Well that’s not true. A part of me wants nothing more than to know what he’s thinking. Sure it wasn’t exactly comforting to know I got drunk and begged him to be my boyfriend. But there was  that moment where he brushed my fingers with his. Then there was the way he held me in his arms and comforted me. The way he nearly fell over himself when I touched his chest. 

I can’t help it, I have to know so I chase after him, “What have you been thinking?” My heart is racing, my palms are sweaty and I’m pretty sure Pauline is watching us through the security cameras.

“I've been thinking about how you asked me to be your boyfriend ,” I can see the arrogant smirk starting to form on his face. He is enjoying this, taunting me. “I’ve been thinking about how we should sit down and discuss what we want out of this… arrangement.” I bite the inside of my cheek so I don’t smile. I love the sound of we .

I suddenly feel the prying eyes of the other shoppers. He didn’t yell it out or anything but I don’t trust these people to not eavesdrop on us. The last thing I need is the town crier sharing that Azriel and I are dating. Are we dating?  I lean in closer, “As I recall you told me you would be my boyfriend after I found an alternative.” Azriel steps into my space to avoid a passerby, his hard chest now pressing into my side. “As I recall you begged me to date you. I believe the word please was involved.” His eyes lock onto my lips as he adds seductively “I do love it when you beg.”

Mother save me. I avoid making eye contact because if I look into those eyes I would surely melt into a puddle on the floor. How dare he talk to me that way! Like… like… I’ve always wanted him to. 

His hand sweeps under my chin. Oh right, he’s still here. My attempt to imagine him away didn’t work. Our eyes meet and the air whooshes out of my lungs. The thread that ties me to him pulls me closer until our baskets are tangled together. He leans down and whispers, “You liked it too, didn’t you?” My heart thumps in my chest at the wild glint in his eyes. “Like what?” I ask innocently. He tuts before leaning down to whisper in my ear, “begging for me.” My whole body responds to him. Goosebumps break out all over my skin. My heart is pounding. My panties are quite literally soaked. 

“How would you know that?” No one in the world would suspect me of liking such a thing. No one would even dare say such filthy things to me. Now I feel like Azriel has unlocked a deep dark secret about me. A quiver of need rumbles through me at the thought. 

His eyes return to mine, his rough fingers holding me captive. “Because contrary to what everyone else seems to think about you, I can see that wicked spark behind those innocent doe eyes, Elain. I know there’s a secret side to you”  His eyes drop back to my lips, and I’m ready to beg him again. Desire pulses through the air around us - thick and heady- making it impossible to think clearly. 

“But it’s our secret, isn't it Azriel?’ He practically purrs as I say his name. “This thing between us, we can’t let them know.” His body stiffens next to mine, “Why can’t they know?” He doesn’t have to ask who they are, he already knows. 

“They just… they can’t.” I take a step away. “If they find out they will be full of opinions. They’ll make suggestions or worse try to intervene and I don’t want that. Do you want that?” He shakes his head no. I feel his hand rub my arm comfortingly. I can hear Feyre now, asking me a million questions or telling Lucien in the hopes that he can somehow stop it. I can see the town passing around a petition banning Azriel from dating me. I hear Nesta’s mocking me for not being enough. I’ll end up caving and doing what they want to avoid hurting their feelings or creating problems. I look up and nearly flinch at the intensity of Azriel’s gaze. “I just want something for myself - is that so bad?” 

“I don’t think it’s wrong Elain but I’m not necessarily the best judge on what’s good. I lead a pretty selfish life… Besides isn’t the whole point of this,” he waves a hand between us, “to be bad.” He gives me a devil may care smile that would make James Deen look like a kitten. 

I swallow, “I don’t think you're selfish Azriel.” His eyes soften a little. “Elain I don’t want you to get the wrong ideas about me. I’m not a good guy.” I want to protest. How can he say that about himself? He’s going to date me out of… out of… oh gods, is it pity? I force the thought away. I opt to just quietly nod instead. 

He steps away but I don’t miss the moment his thumb glides over my hand before he releases it. “I’ll sneak into your place tonight around eight? We can talk about how this will work between us.” I barely notice as he slides something into my basket. I’m too panicked thinking about Azriel in my place. “Wait, why do you need to sneak in?”

He shrugs one shoulder before saying, “When you’re being bad you need to be sneaky. Besides, the people in this town have eyes everywhere. We will have to be careful.” He sits his basket down and doesn’t glance back as he heads toward the door. I look down and his basket is empty. Did he come in here just to talk to me?

At the checkout counter, I set my basket down and start to pull items out for Pauline to scan. And it’s too late when I realize I’m holding a box of magnum xl condoms. Oh gods, that’s what he slipped into my basket. I look up to see Pauline’s scowling face. I blurt out, “You know how Nesta is.” Pauline narrows her eyes at me like she doesn’t know whether she believes me or not but she isn’t pleased either way. Great, a new topic of conversation for the knitting circle. 

“You stay away from that man, Elain. He’s a ruffian and not the kind of man you need in your life.”

I turn toward the window and catch a glimpse of Azriel smiling as he walks away. Clearly he is pleased with himself, the sneaky devil. 

I realize then that there is truth in what Pauline said. He isn’t good for me. Too bad he’s exactly the man I want.  

Azriel

I hear a shriek and the sound of a panicking Elain tripping over something. I pull myself through her window and watch amused as she crawls over a fallen kitchen chair. “My goodness Azriel, you scared me!” I give her a flat look, “I told you I was sneaking in.” She stands and blows a fallen curl off her face. “Remind me why I agreed to that?” I walk closer and lift the chair off the floor, “because we’re being sneaky. Are you alright?'' I sit the chair down and give her a once over to make sure she isn’t injured. I try and fail to stop my eyes from lingering on all the places they shouldn’t. She gives me a sidelong glance and the corner of her lips teases a smile. “Yes, I’m quite alright.” I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. If she were to get injured because of me I would never forgive myself. 

She gestures for me to take a seat at her small kitchen table. I sit down slightly charmed by what I see. There is a cute floral teapot, little cakes, tea sandwiches, pastries and my favorite cookies. I didn't think she remembered . As I sit down, she starts to serve me. It feels nice to be tended to. Like there is someone who wants to care for me. The whole situation feels like a picture perfect domestic scene. I imagine myself becoming used to this kind of care and attention. I chide myself for such wistful thoughts. She pours me a cup of tea, remembering that I prefer one sugar and no cream.

I take a moment to look over her place as she fusses over me. It's a charming little second floor apartment with a large arched window overlooking the street. There is a wide variety of potted plants lining the window’s bench seat. A small kitchenette is tucked along the back wall with open shelves filled with delicate cups and plates. She has a small seating area with a white slipcovered couch and a well loved wooden coffee table. There are a few bookshelves lining the wall with a scattering of nicknacks. A TV sits on a low lying console table with more plants surrounding it. Off to the side I see a small bathroom with a pedestal sink. In the very back is her bedroom. It’s dark without a light on but I can make out a lush bed. I turn back to my tea before I think too long about her in that bed. 

I take a long sip and revel in the comfortable silence that sits between us. Most people don’t like that I prefer the quiet to strained small talk or the general bloviating others indulge in. Something about her soothes me. Her gentle manners and soft spirit lulls me into a state of calm I can so rarely achieve on my own and certainly not with others. The constant hum of dark whisperings that plague my mind are quieted by her lightness. It’s why I crave her presence more than anyone else's. Why I’m sometimes overcome by the need to seek her out even though I know I shouldn’t.

Which brings me to why I’m here. Elain literally asked me to corrupt her. It was like having my deepest darkest fantasy brought to life. I spent last night dreaming of all the ways we could be bad together. How I wanted to devour every inch of that supple body until she couldn't wash away the smell of me. I need clarity on her expectations so that I can reign mine in. 

Damn that dream.

I take a deep breath and interrupt the silence, “I think we should lay out some ground rules before we start dating.” She looks at me a little hesitant and then nods again. She is being shy which is adorable. I wonder what happened to the confident Elain who practically shoved me against the wall. I look her over as if to search out the answer. She’s changed out of her jean shorts and tank top. Now she’s wearing a lilac sundress, the style she typically favors. The ones that make me drool like a love sick puppy. Her long thick hair is braided back with a few unruly curls framing her perfect neck. She clearly put in effort toward her appearance. Did she do that for me? 

Gods she looks delicious. I just want to take a bite. 

I take a deep breath. I absolutely cannot go there. It’s one thing to date her for a few weeks. It’s another to have her completely. I clear my throat and try to remind myself of why I’m here. “You told me you want me to be your boyfriend to prove that you’re interesting. To break out of the box you're in. You also said you wanted to be… bad . I need you to elaborate on what your expectations are and how you want this to go.” She gives me a small smile, before biting her plump pink lower lip. I watch her completely enraptured, I want to pull that lip between my teeth. 

“When I'm with you I feel different.” My cold heart flutters a little, “different how?” She lets out a nervous breath, “you make me feel bold. Like I could do anything. That I can be myself” She shakes her head nervously and smiles, “you don't see me the way the others do.” I nod. I know what she means, she’s coddled and often overlooked by those with louder personalities. The town is also bizarrely interested in her personal life. She continues on, “So, when I asked you to be my boyfriend, I thought you could help me discover the parts of myself I've hidden away, either because I haven't been allowed to or I've been too scared to try.” 

I want nothing more than to draw her out of her shell. I’ve always suspected there was more to her than meets the eye. When she thinks no one is watching, Elain does the most fascinating things. She observes and understands more than people realize. She is always the first to know a secret. Well besides me . There was the time we lost Cassian after a night of drinking and Elain found him hiding in a closet quietly singing Abba to himself. All of us howled with laughter and teased him relentlessly. But to Elain it was old news, as if this was a regular occurance for her to rescue him. Cassian would have stayed mad at her if he could have managed it. But, it is impossible to be mad at Elain. She is the only one who can get Nesta to listen. She is charming and can convince anyone to do anything. It’s like magic. Just her smile could bring Rhys to heel and he is notoriously stubborn. 

“I also think I need practice dating. As much as I want to blame the worst date ever on Lucien, I'm certain I played a role as well. There is also…” She quiets and is wringing her hands in her lap. She seems sad and at a loss of words. “Also what, Elain?” I ask gently. 

“Graysen. He was so willing to end things with me. It felt like maybe the situation with Lucien was just an excuse to be rid of me.” 

“What happened with Graysen?” She sighs and nervously twists a loose lock of hair with her finger, “He was jealous of Lucien, he had just won the election. Feyre was bragging about him every chance she got. Nesta was also making snide remarks… she never liked him. Anyway, all the chatter made him suspicious that Lucien and I were having an affair. Jurian and his drunk rambling didn't help. So, when he saw Lucien walk me home from a town meeting late one night he ended it.” 

I take a calming breath, what is it with the men of this town that made them act like utter jackasses. “You think he just used that situation as an excuse?” She nods, “if he really loved me he would have at least heard me out or fought for what we had. It’s like he had one foot out the door.”

She lets out a shaky breath, “I think I need lessons in not giving a shit.” I laugh. How can she think she’s not interesting, she’s the only one who can make me laugh like this. 

She taps her pointer finger against her chin, “I think my recent date proved I'm a little rusty when it comes to dating. There were a lot of awkward silences with Lucien.” She gasps suddenly and buries her head in her hands and muffles a scream. I laugh again, “that bad, huh?” Without lifting her face she replies, “I don't think I asked him a single question. I mean I know about him and I just accepted there was nothing else to learn. Man, I am such an asshole.” I smile, “see you are already on your way to being bad.” She smiles and throws a cookie at me. I'd do anything to see that smile, “so we have lessons in not giving a shit and dating.” She nods. 

I take a minute to consider how best to phrase my next question. “And you don’t want people to know we are dating?” She thinks about it for a moment before she says, “I'm so tired of everyone in my business. People think they are entitled to every aspect of my life.” 

It would also solve a few problems for me. For starters, there is Rhys and then there is my job. It would be too risky to publicly date Elain. If word got out, it could put her in danger. I have to be careful. This isn’t just some romantic comedy plot, it’s her safety that matters most. “I agree and I think it would be safer if we keep it just between us.” She narrows her eyes, “Safer?” I nod, “my job can be dangerous and I don’t want to put you at risk.” 

Her eyes widen in shock, “Risk?” I nod again. She asks carefully, “Azriel, what is your job exactly?” The sound of my name on her lips always undoes me. Normally I’d tell her anything she wants to hear but not this. A part of me knows I can’t have it both ways. I can’t date her and keep secrets. It's not fair but I’ve never been a good guy and right now I’m too selfish. I won’t outright lie to her but I won’t put her in unnecessary danger either.

“I do bad things, Elain. Bad things done extremely well.” I watch as her cheeks turn a perfect shade of rosy pink. I think I’ve rendered her speechless. I’m going to enjoy this. I ask, “anything else?” She studies me for a second and says, “you forgot that you're not allowed to fall in love with me.” I lean back in my chair and cross my arms, “uh huh, sure. Won't be a problem.” She mimics my posture, leaning back and crossing her arms as she asks, “what about you Mr. Naked, do you have any rules or expectations?” Damn that nickname. 

I was hoping she would ask. After last night, I spent most of today thinking about all the pitfalls… If I should keep things close to the chest. How much of myself am I willing to share? Elain has a way of lowering my guard without me realizing it and worse still, I don't think she’s trying to. It's just the natural effect she had on me. My biggest fear is the same one I had with Mor, that I will develop feelings and she won't reciprocate. In the back of my mind, I know that’s not an issue with Elain. But that’s somehow even more terrifying. I’m not sure I’m prepared for that. I’ve never settled down with anyone. I’ve never had the sort of intimacy a relationship requires. I don’t know if I can give her what she needs. Elain said I wasn't allowed to fall in love with her. That is exactly what I did with Mor but I’ve learned my lesson. I won't be sticking around Hewn Hills after this mission which is my safety net. The only thing that could possibly unravel me is if I got a taste of her. She is too sweet, too big of a temptation. Since I returned, I've lost count of how many times I initiated contact with Elain. If I start, really start, I won't be able to stop. I would ruin her completely. 

I take a steadying breath before I say, “My only rule is that we keep this PG.” Her brows furrowed in confusion, “PG?” I smile at her sinless thoughts, “I mean, no fucking.” I watch as my words land, her cheeks flush and spread down to her perky little chest, disappearing behind the top of her dress. Her eyes flare as she stutters, “I didn't… I wasn't… Azriel, that's not what I…” I smile at her desperate attempt to form a sentence. “I know that's not what you intended Elain but you said I wasn't allowed to fall in love with you. My rule makes sure you won't fall in love with me.” 

Her cute little jaw drops, “Excuse me?!” I shrug, “I am aware of the effect I have on women, if we sleep together you'll become… attached.” She snorts as if the idea is ridiculous. But, I know better. We have always shared a quiet understanding. A longing perhaps, a mutual desire that is palpable anytime our eyes meet. The jolt of electricity that passes between us every time our fingers graze. The way I can't resist her like I'm a moth and she's the flame. 

I stay quiet, letting my eyes slowly roam over her body. I marvel at her flawless skin. The curve of her body, those long lean legs crossed demurely. I watch the way her chest rises and falls, in sync with my own breath. The way her throat bobs as I silently drink in the way her body reacts to mine. So responsive. I give her the full weight of my attention. Just for her, only for her . I can see little goosebumps start to rise on her arms despite the flush of her skin. I cock my head to the side as her wet little tongue licks her lips. When my eyes finally meet hers they are heavy and full of heat. I give her a knowing smirk, “do we have a deal?” All she can manage is a small nod. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I leave Elains the way I came in, out the back window. I pause for a moment in her garden and catch my breath. I go over every detail of her in my mind. I feel delirious. I’ve made this rule for myself, for my own sake but I’ve never been good at following the rules. A part of me knows I made it just for the thrill of breaking it. I enjoy torturing myself like that. There would be pleasure, beauty even, in the exquisite pain of denying myself of her… for now. 

[fawnandshadows]

You Painted Me Golden - Chapter 13

King Of My Heart

Rating: M

Warnings: Language, soft smut

Chapter 12 - Masterlist - AO3

Word Count: 9k

And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for

“I’ve never really done something like this before,” Elain said as she locked the door behind them. “It’s quite exciting.” 

Azriel looked at her with a raised eyebrow. 

“Sleeping in the first lodging available?” He asked and wrapped his arms around her, his hands resting on her soft belly. 

She peered up over her shoulder at her husband, and with a soft smile she said, “Traveling,” She placed a kiss on the underside of his jaw, and the rough growth of hairs on his face tickled her skin. “I’ve always wanted to, you know.” 

“The continent,” Azriel said, leaning forward to plant kisses along the length of her delicate neck. “You want to see the tulips. One day I’ll take you there. I’ll take you anywhere you would like to go.” 

Elain shivered as his lips brushed against her sensitive skin. His mouth made its way up to her ear and teasingly tugged on her earlobe with his teeth. 

“You’re going to spoil me.” Elain sighed as her head rolled back, exposing more of her neck to her husband. 

“You deserve to be spoiled,” Azriel mumbled, his voice low and lush, and his hands traveled down her body to push her hips back into his. “And I take great pleasure in spoiling my wife,” His fingers curled into the heavy fabric of her traveling dress. “Especially when it comes to matters of the flesh…I take my duties very seriously.” 

“Azriel,” Elain moaned as she relaxed into his touch. “We haven’t even had dinner yet. Or bathed. We’re still filthy from our travels.” Her words were teasing but laced with affection. 

“Don’t you think we should get dirtier before we clean ourselves?” Azriel said lowly in her ear, his hot breath brushing over her neck. “Can I let you in on one of my fantasies, wife?” At Elain’s nod, Azriel continued. “Do you remember that Solstice where you gifted me the headache powder?” Elain nodded leisurely as if barely comprehending his words as he palmed her body. Taking his feel of her hips. “You looked so deliciously rumpled with your lovely hair falling out of your braid and flour on your cheek and apron. You smelled of freshly baked bread and potatoes and loveliness and something inside of me wanted to take you, make you smell like me, you know how much I love that,” Elain’s lips fell open as Azriel spoke, and he caught a whiff of her honeyed arousal in the winter air. “I wanted to follow you back to the kitchen, but before we got there I wanted to claim your lips. I wanted to fill your mouth and your delicious pussy and take you against the wall with your dress bunched at your hips. That was the present I wanted to give you that night, my love.” 

“I would have let you,” Elain whispered, opening her warm brown eyes to gaze up at her male. “You had so much of me, even then. You could have snuck into my bedroom any night and I would have welcomed you.” 

Azriel growled as he captured her lips. 

He unfastened her cloak and let it fall to their feet and Elain’s hands nimbly followed suit. 

Azriel walked them so that Elain’s back hit the wooden door of their cabin and lifted her so her legs wrapped around his waist, her dress gathered above her hips and Azriel used his shadows to undo his leathers and rid her of her undergarments. 

“This is what I wanted to do to you, Elain.” Azriel said as he pushed the blunt head of his cock to her folds, a groan ripping through his throat as he felt how wet she was for him. “Would you have been this wet and ready for me?” 

“Yes,” Elain moaned as Azriel moved deeper inside of her, his eyes screwing shut as she clenched around him. “I would have been just as eager. Would you have been rough with me? Or would you have held yourself back?” She asked, and Azriel let his head fall forward to the curve of her neck. 

Azriel took a deep breath and said, “I would have tried to be a gentlemale, as you deserve,” He slowly started to pump in and out of her. “But it wouldn’t have lasted for long. You would have driven me mad with how perfect you feel. I would have been incapable of holding back.”

His hands slid up her bare thighs, the rough leather of his siphons scraping against her sensitive skin, and he didn’t stop until his fingers dug into the soft, full flesh of her cheeks. 

Sweet pants came from Elain as Azriel thrusted in and out of her, her walls clenching around him. Even though he had taken her so many times, even though their bodies were so accustomed to each other, they touched and kissed and loved each other as if it was the first time — as if they’d never be able to do it again. 

“Would you have been able to keep quiet?” Azriel asked, his voice harsh as his pace intensified, already knowing the answer. Sweat started beading on his brow from the force in which he thrusted into her.

“No,” Elain moaned, throwing her head back as her hips clumsily lifted to meet Azriel’s. “I’ve never been able to be quiet with you.”

Azriel growled in response, his skin flaming as he fucked her faster, the rough fabric of his clothing overwhelmed his senses. He wanted to be bare. 

“You would have screamed my name,” Azriel panted, the sound of their skin meeting filling the air with their heavy breaths. “You would have bitten my shoulder to try and keep quiet, but you would have called out for me.” 

“Azriel.” Elain moaned, sweat glittering on her forehead as orgasmed over his hot cock. Her golden hair turned into a tangled mess trapped against the wall, and desire burned in Azriel as he saw how Elain slowly came undone.

With one last thrust, hitting the sweet spot inside of her, Azriel groaned as he came. His hips shallowly pumping to fill her. 

“I love you.” Azriel said, kissing her hungrily. 

“I love you too.” Elain said breathlessly in between kisses.

Slowly, Azriel pulled out of her and delighted in the little moan that escaped Elain lips. 

“You make the best sounds.” Azriel said, capturing her round face in his hands. 

Elain blushed at his words, but reveled in the praise. 

“I’m always worried that I’m too loud.” Elain admitted and Azriel shook his dark head. 

“Never,” He nipped at her lips. “I want to hear every precious sigh and moan and even every sneeze.” 

Elain laughed at that and said, “I’ll save all my sneezes for you then.” Her wide smile caused her nose to scrunch. 

Azriel gazed down at his wife, remembering the exact shade of pink her cheeks were and how warm her eyes looked and how heavy and deep her breathing was. 

“Go get yourself a hot shower or bath or whatever they have here,” Azriel said, taking a step back to put himself back into his leathers. “While I run down to the main lodge and get us dinner. I’ll leave some of my shadows here for you, their queen.” 

Elain rolled her eyes at that name, bending over to pick up her cloak, but Azriel beat her to it. Placing her cloak on the rack by the door and putting his cloak back on to face the cold. 

“They love you more than they love me,” Azriel said, placing a kiss on her plump cheek with one hand on the door. “And I can’t blame them.” 

Elain gently nudged his shoulder. 

“Maybe they just mimic the emotions of their master.” 

His eyes glowed golden in the night. 

“Then like I said, they love their queen.” 

Elain’s broad smile stayed in place as her husband braved the winter cold to get them dinner, through her gloriously hot shower, and grew even wider when he came back carrying a large covered tray. 

“It smells delicious,” Elain noted from her position on the bed, already having changed into the flannel nightgown she found. Azriel’s shadows had been nice enough to lay it out on the bed for her after her shower. “And the shower is divine. Sit by the fire,” Elain motioned to the large leather chair by the roaring fire. The shadows had been busy while Elain was cleaning herself. “And then after dinner you should enjoy the warm water,” She eyed his large body and larger wings. “Though it might be a bit small. Would you…would you like for me to bathe your wings?” 

Azriel’s heated eyes gazed at her, having only taken a few steps into the room. 

“Only if you’re prepared for the response.” 

Warm delighted ran along the length of Elain’s spine at the thought, and she nodded her head. 

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

And all at once, you are all I want, I'll never let you go

The warm glow of the fire mingled with the golden rays of light streaming in through the windows. For a brief moment she wondered how the fire had managed to thrive overnight, but the shadows that swirled by the hearth told her what she needed to know. 

Elain snuggled into the warm body beside her, pure contentment filling her chest as she took a deep breath and inhaled his masculine scent. Her nose burrowed into the crook of his neck, and she pressed her lips into his sharp collar bone. She moved, the top of her nose trailing over his warm skin, and gently pressed her lips onto his chest — right above the beating of his heart. 

Slowly, her fingers fanned out over the hard planes of his stomach. She could feel the corded muscle moving under her touch, slowly lifting up and down as he breathed. 

Elain shifted slightly, so that her cheek was laid flat against his chest. The echo of his heart drumming against her cheek. And the cool breath of Azriel’s sleeping exhale caused the hairs on top of her head to twitch and tingle. 

She closed her eyes and settled her mind and just tried to enjoy…Enjoy the way Azriel’s peaceful, sleeping body felt against her…Enjoy how the snow dusted the window and sky and everything in the world was quiet…Enjoy the fleeting seconds of a snowy morning with her husband. 

“This is nice,” Azriel’s low, sleepy voice caused Elain’s eyes to flutter open. She peered up at him beneath her eyelashes and felt a smile grace her lips as her husband gazed at her. “I’ve decided that my favorite way to start the day is by your side.” 

“I’ve decided my favorite way to start the day is first,” Elain said. “That way I can see you before anything else.” 

Azriel’s large hands spanned almost the entire length of her back, and the tips of his fingers sunk into her soft flesh. 

“Are you always this romantic in the morning?” 

“Hmmm,” Elain pretended to think as she gazed up at her husband, slightly overwhelmed by how handsome he appeared in the light of early morning - the snow making him look almost angelic. “It must be being a wife. It’s made me dreadfully romantic — I’m having all of these thoughts of ‘forever’ and they all include you.” 

A smile softened Azriel’s face and Elain suddenly felt a little lighter. Like one of the snowflakes floating outside their window. 

Azriel pressed her closer into his side and underneath her cheek was the flat of her hand, she felt his heart change pace, as if it was skipping a beat. 

“I like that.” Azriel said, his voice low. “I don’t have very many firsts left, but I want all of your forevers.” The pads of his fingers moving over the bare skin of her back. 

“You’re my forever husband,” Elain smiled and planted a kiss on his chest. “My forever love.” 

“Your forever lover,” Azriel said, leaning down to nip at her lips. His fingers sinking into her soft flesh. “As much as I love making lovemaking with my forever love,” Azriel smiled over the words. “We have quite a bit of distance to travel if we want to make it to the Day Court, and I promised to give you the best, most authentic travel experience possible. And that includes early mornings, late nights, and the unexpected in between.” 

“I love the fact that I married a poet.” Elain smiled, her hand sliding up the length of his muscular chest, over his neck, and into his thick black hair. 

Azriel raised a dark brow at her. 

“It’s true,” Elain said. “You say the most lovely, poetic things I’ve ever heard.” 

“I guess you bring it out of me,” Azriel leaned down to give her a slow, lingering kiss and pulled away before they lost themselves at the contact. “We really have to go if we're going to be on time.” 

Elain watched the delicious expanse of brown skin as Azriel stood from the bed, her eyes going down his well defined back as he walked away and landing on his rounded buttocks. 

Her head tilted and she bit her lip to stop herself from sighing. 

“We’re on a schedule?” Elain asked, not bothering to pull the sheet up to cover herself as she sat up. 

A sly smile overtook Azriel’s face as he looked over his shoulder at her, and Elain couldn’t stop the excited smile that burst onto her face. 

“You married a spymaster, my love, I have a few tricks up my sleeve.” Azriel said, still looking over his shoulder at her. 

“Impossible,” Elain said, raising a hand to point at him. “You aren’t wearing sleeves.” 

Azriel blinked at her. 

“I suppose I can’t argue with that,” Azriel rummaged through his pack to find the clothing his shadows had tucked away the night before. “But we still have to leave.” 

With a nod of his head he sent his shadows towards his wife, and Elain didn’t even bother to protest as they peeled the bedding away from where it pooled at her waist. 

“You just want to see me naked.” 

Azriel smirked. 

“I could see you naked from the bed, love. And I could do so much more than just look from there.”

Elain mock-pouted at his response and twisted a strand of golden hair around her finger. 

“I thought you wanted to see the world, mo chroí.” Azriel raised his eyebrow at her. 

“I do,” Elain said softly. “I just have so many fond memories here.” She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, her hair falling around her in a veil of curls. 

“After one night?” Azriel asked, buckling his belt and walking over to her. He tilted her chin up to gaze down at her. 

“It was a marvelous night, wasn’t it?” Elain grinned up at him. 

“Splendid.” Azriel leaned down to plant a kiss on her cheek. 

“Phenomenal.” 

“Euphoric.” His lips moved over her skin. 

“Sensational.” Her breath caught in her throat. 

“Elain, wife, as blissful a distraction as this is, we do have a schedule to keep.” Azriel pressed their lips together in a bruising kiss — one that spoke of the passion he was fighting and restraining. He pushed away from her once again and grabbed a thin black shirt to layer with. 

“I had no idea I married such a stickler,” Elain grumbled, propelling herself off the bed and allowing his shadows to help her dress for the day. Layers to keep her warm while they traveled in the human land that could easily be stripped away when they entered the Day Court. “Must have been all the sneaking around and flagrant breaking of Rhysand's rules that had me fooled,” Elain fake sighed and turned away from her husband so that he didn’t see the smile breaking across her face. “Maybe the spark is gone now that it’s no longer forbidden.” 

Rough hands settled on her hips, and Elain let her head fall back on Azriel’s shoulder as he pressed his erection into her backside. 

“I want you more than ever, mo chroí,” Azriel captured the fleshy part of her ear between his teeth and bit down in the way he knew she liked. “I want to claim you and mark you—”

“Both of which you have already done.” 

“And scream from the fucking mountain tops that you’re completely and wholly mine. I want to see the look on every male’s face when they realize that you belong to me…and the only way we are going to experience that is if we leave this cabin.” 

Elain relented, giving into her husband's desires.

“If that’s what you truly wish — for the entire world to know you possess my heart, body, and soul — then I suppose I can give that to you. But there is one thing that I would like in return.” 

Azriel looked down at her in curiosity.

“If you’re going to ask me to throw you back in the bed so I can have my way with you, then we seriously need to work on your negotiation skills.” 

Elain grinned broadly at him and shook her head. Her tongue came out wet her lips before saying, “I only ask for the same in return,” she smiled wildly. “I must say I will feel more than satisfied to see the realization on females and males alike when they see that I have claimed you.” 

Azriel’s fingers pressed deeper into her hips as the words. 

“I am a lucky, lucky male,” Azriel said, kissing the spot on her neck where her heart fluttered. “Now, let’s finish getting dressed so the entirety of the fae population can see what they are missing.”

Elain immediately missed his warmth as he stepped away from her. 

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

“You didn’t.” Elain stated incredulously with her hands placed on her hips, staring at the two massive beasts in front of her. 

Two horses: one ebony, so dark that it looked as if it was made from shadows, and one a beautiful, warm chestnut. Both of them were harnessed and attached to a sleigh. 

Elain pressed her lips together to try and stifle her smile. 

“A sleigh ride?” Elain asked, peering up at her husband. The cold air causing their breath to cloud between them, and his cheeks were twinged with a lovely red. Small snowflakes dusted his black hair. 

“Just to our next destination.” Azriel said, the shadows dropping their luggage in the sleigh. 

Her husband held out his gloved hand to her. 

“You’re taking me on a sleigh ride.” Elain grinned so widely that her cheeks obstructed her vision. 

“If you’ll let me.” 

Elain threw her arms around her husband, his hands quickly catching her at the waist, but he still stumbled a step back. She peppered his face with kisses, not caring if her display caused their schedule to be disrupted. 

“I can’t believe you remembered.” Elain said, her love for her husband inflating in her chest. 

“Mo chroí,” Azriel whispered against her ear. “One day you’ll believe me when I say that I remember everything about you.” 

His words caused Elain to nuzzle into him. Overwhelmed by her reality. That the male she so dearly loved loved her in return, that though challenges laid in front of them they would be together. One of her unwanted bonds was nullified and the other would soon be in her past. 

But the bond that she chose, the bond that they both chose, would be her future. 

Elain squeezed her husband once again before slowly pulling back. 

“I would love to go on a sleigh ride with you, mo chroí.” 

The endearment was still relatively new for her tongue, and she wondered if it would ever come naturally to her, but the look of delicate rapture that graced his face was incredibly rewarding. He looked lovestruck, every single time. 

Azriel settled them into the sleigh, grasping the reins in his hands and nudging the horses into a canter. 

“This is why we couldn’t be late, isn’t it?” Elain questioned, snuggling into his side and basking in his warmth. 

He looked down at her with a sheepish, crooked grin. 

“Trying to make your travels as human as possible.”

Elain beamed in return. 

“Except for the shadows doing all the heavy lifting.” 

“Some luxuries are too nice to live without.” Azriel shrugged one of his shoulders and Elain couldn’t help but agree, thinking of how easy his shadows made her day to day life. 

After a beat of silence Elain said, “I remember everything about that night.” 

“As do I,” Azriel said solemnly, and Elain knew they were both thinking back to that first solstice. “It was the night I first saw a future with you,” Azriel paused, but continued when Elain gave his hand an encouraging pat. “Spending that night with you, just talking, made me feel lighter. And hearing about your plans for your garden, I imagined myself there with you. Listening to the stories of why you chose which flowers, which ones gave you the most difficulties, and just being with you. Like when you had your tea while I went through my reports. That night where we stayed up talking, it made me realize that all my calmest, most peaceful moments have been with you, and it made me hope that we would have more moments like that in the future…It made me hope.” 

Warm, salty tears streamed silently down Elain’s face. 

“You,” Elain took a deep, steadying breath. “After my transition, you were the one who made me feel comforted. Normal. Human. It felt as if I was suffocating under everyone’s worry, but you realized what I was and what was happening to me, and you never pushed me. You would sit and listen and you just… you gave me exactly what I needed. That first Solstice, it was the first I could see myself with someone after Graysen. It wasn’t sexual for me at first — though I’m sure you know that I’ve always thought of you as beautiful —  but I found myself being able to trust again because of you. Thank you for everything that you’ve done for me during that time.” 

Azriel shook his head. 

“Don’t thank me,” Azriel said, and Elain parted her lips to speak but Azriel kept going. “I was greedy, Elain. Yes, I wanted to help you and I cared for you, but I was desperate for you as well. To be in your presence. To feel because of you.” 

Elain leaned forward to press a kiss into his cold cheek. 

Azriel grinned down at her tear streaked face. 

“And just so you know, I didn’t know that you thought I was beautiful the entire time.” 

She tilted her head at him and narrowed her eyes. 

“Please be serious. I was painfully obvious around you.” 

“You were utterly devoted to Graysen.” 

Elain rolled her eyes, but her lips twitched, knowing he knew he was being obtuse. 

“Devoted, but not blind,” Elain admitted, nudging him with her shoulder playfully. A prideful, male smile bloomed across his mouth. “Azriel, we’re married, bonded together, and we make entirely too much love, surely it’s not that big of a surprise.” 

Azriel shook his head, little snowflakes flying from his hair, but yet his grin grew. 

“I know I’m a handsome male, or beautiful, as you say,” For a moment Elain thought he had swapped bodies with Rhysand for all the arrogance he was exuding. “But you hid it remarkably well at the time. It wasn’t until later, when you gave me the headache powder, that I realized you were looking at me. I thought you recognized my beauty, but I didn’t think I interested you,” Azriel paused for a moment. “And it’s incredibly flattering to know I could turn your head from Graysen.” 

Elain rolled her eyes and playfully pinched his bicep. 

“And?” Elain prompted. 

“And?” Azriel repeated, his tone of voice teasing and Elain knew he wasn’t going to make this easy for her. 

“Surely I turned your head? Just a bit?” 

“Fishing for compliments, mo chroí?” 

“I learned from the best — Rhysand.” 

Azriel chuckled at that, but turned to her with affection shimmering in his eyes. 

“I never knew humans could be so beautiful,” Azriel said and Elain felt herself flush. “And I didn’t want to cause any alarm, so I made sure to mask my scent that night.” 

Elain nibbled on her lip feeling flattered. 

“Truly?” 

“Truly.” 

“I think,” Elain said, turning the words over in her mind. “That we were always going to find each other.” 

Azriel nodded in agreement. 

Late in the night, the city's asleep

“This is stunning,” Elain breathed, taking in the sight of the town they were approaching. Eventually, they left the thick forest they were traveling in and found themselves trotting down a cobblestone street — the clip-clopping of the hooves reminded Elain of all the fairy stories she heard as a girl. “How did you know of this existence?”

Her large brown eyes looked around, staring at the buildings made of stone and laden with snow. The full moon caused the night to brighten up their surroundings in the way that can only happen on a snowy night. 

“A perk of the job. And old age.” Azriel said, and Elain shook her head. 

“I never knew you were this cheeky.” She said lovingly, pressing a small kiss to his lips. 

The temperature must have dropped as the moon rose in the sky, but Elain felt warmer than ever. Her husband must have been playing fast and loose with the rules for what he deemed “human travel”, but Elain didn’t mind. She wanted to preen in his thoughtfulness. 

Azriel cocked his head to the side and he gazed down at her.

“I asked Vassa before we left and she gave me some ideas for our honeymoon.” 

Her love for him bubbled inside of her. 

“I love you, so much I think I’ll explode.” 

“The feeling’s mutual.” Azriel said warmly, leaning down to kiss his wife slowly and leisurely. 

Elain forced herself back because two more moments of his lips on hers and Elain was certain she wouldn’t say no – she’d let him take her right there in the sleigh. 

“I never knew this type of village existed in the human realm.” Elain admitted as they slowed down, stopping in front of a charming, hole-in-the-wall stone building. A sign that read The Holly and The Ivy swung delicately back and forth. 

“Our lodgings for the night,” Azriel said, stepping out of the sleigh and offering Elain his hand. She placed hers graciously in his and let him lead her inside, where a stout old woman stood behind a wooden counter. Her red, fur lined coat looked cozy, and she peered up at them with wireframes glasses. 

“Welcome!” She clapped her arthritic hands together, a smile bright on her face. “You must be the guests that Vassa told me of,” She waved her hands, gesturing for them to come in. “Please, please come in from the cold. I have your room all ready, and we’ll get your luggage for you, don’t you worry.” 

She quickly scampered out from behind the counter, her gray hair was pulled back in a snug bun on the nape of her neck, and she curtsied as soon as she was in front of them. 

“I’m Mrs. Cringle, my husband and I own this little Inn and we’re more than happy to welcome you for the night,” She stopped herself, her blue eyes blinking as she thought of something. “Vassa only mentioned one night, and I’m assuming that is correct, My Lord?” 

Elain expected Azriel to correct her titling, but he simply nodded in agreement. 

“Lovely,” The old woman clapped again. “Please follow me to your room, and you made perfect time. The festivities begin in one hour.” 

“Festivities?” Elain questioned, looking at her husband, whose face gave nothing away. 

“You’ll adore them,” Mrs. Cringle said from a few feet away, her small legs pushing her from the cozy lobby. Elain and Azriel quickly followed behind her. “It’s a bit of a secret, we wouldn’t want our little town to be overrun, you see, but we do so to love sharing our traditions with others. And at the Queen’s recommendation, well, it really is an honor for us.” 

Elain delighted in hearing her speak. There was such joy and fondness in her words that giddiness sparked in her chest at whatever was planned. 

“I’m very much looking forward to it,” Elain assured her, and even though Elain was looking at Mrs. Cringle's back, she could see the smile radiating off of her face. “And thank you for your hospitality.” 

Mrs. Cringle waved her off. 

“We are humbled to have friends of the Queen staying with us.” She said as she led Elain and Azriel up an old wooden staircase, and Elain looked over her shoulders to see how Azriel was faring with his wings. Her brows knotted as she took in their bent positions. 

For a second Elain was struck by the fact that Mrs. Cringle didn’t seem at all surprised by two fae’s showing up at her doorstep, but perhaps Vassa warned her. 

“Here you go,” Mrs. Cringle fit the brass key in the last room of the hall, but she didn’t turn it at all. “Your personal belongings are already inside, and please let me know if there’s anything I can do for you. I’ll be at the front desk.” She curtsied again before running off. 

“What a lovely, odd little woman.” Elain remarked as Mrs. Cringle disappeared out of sight. 

Azriel smiled as he turned the key in the knob and opened the door. He pushed the door open wide so that Elain could enter before him. 

She took a tentative step through the door, not missing the mischievous gleam in Azriel’s eye, and peered wide-eyed into their room. 

The first thing that she noticed was the roaring fire that cast the entire room in a golden glow. It instantly settled any nervousness that might have been fluttering inside of her, and as her eyes swept over the room Elain couldn’t help but smile. 

It was just so cozy. 

As if a bit of the Winter Court had made its way down to the human realm. 

Against the far left wall was a massive four poster bed with lush crimson curtains tied to the head and foot of the bed with silver ropes. And the white comforter looked so snug and fluffy that Elain thought she could drown in it. All of the furniture in the room was massive and wooden and decorative — the air smelled of sweet cinnamon and spiced apples and pine. 

It was impossible to have any worries in a room like this. 

“It’s beautiful,” Elain said, stepping further into the room. Taking in the little nutcrackers that lined the bookshelves and the tiny bells sporadically placed in decoration. It wasn’t one of the rooms that Mor or Rhysand would have put together, it wasn’t intentionally stylish, but the charm was the way it was thrown together — imperfectly. “How much of this did you know about?” Elain asked, turning on her heels to look at him.

“Vassa gave me a brief description of what to expect here, and then I’ve been communicating with Mrs. Cringle for the rest. There’s a few surprises hidden for you in the room,” He smiled slightly as he took her in, just enough to showcase his dimples. “I hope you don’t mind.” 

“Azriel,” Elain said gently, walking up to him. “I want you to know how incredibly thoughtful this is,” She pressed her lips against his and felt his breath hitch in his throat. “And you’re shaping up to be the best husband imaginable.” 

“I like spoiling you.” 

Elain blushed and said, “I think I like getting spoiled.” 

Azriel kissed her lushly and quickly before pulling back and softly pushing her further into the room to explore. 

When Elain managed to take her eyes off of Azriel, she noticed a silk emerald gown splayed across the white bedding. It had long lace sleeves, an embroidered bodice, and a heavy velvet skirt and next to it lay a white fur stole. 

“Oh Azriel,” Elain sighed and ran her fingers over the soft, decadent fabric. “It’s beautiful.” 

“I thought you would like it,” Azriel said, walking up behind her. “And I have to admit I look forward to seeing you wearing it. And taking it off of you.” 

“You can’t rip it,” Elain said seriously. “It’s too pretty to rip.” 

Azriel sighed, as if not ripping her dress off was a horrendous chore. 

“I’ll try to contain myself.” 

Elain narrowed her eyes at him and then changed the subject, not wanting to give him any more ideas. 

“I believe you mentioned multiple surprises. As in plural. More than one.” 

Azriel grinned and dropped to one knee before her. And while it was a lovely sight, Elain was a bit confused. 

“I think we’re already passed this part. We’re already married.” 

His grin widened. 

“There are many things that I can do for you on my knees,” Azriel said, his words warming the room. “I’m simply assisting you with your boots.” 

Elain placed her hands on his strong shoulders to steady herself, not wanting to fall over in front of him. With her luck she’d break an ankle and ruin their entire honeymoon. 

“Can fae break their ankles?” Elain asked, ignoring Azriel’s warm and rough hand on the back of her stockinged calf. 

“Is there something you’d like to tell me, mo chroí? Because I do have some hard limits, but I thought we’d be married for a few centuries before we got to that point.” 

Elain batted him on the shoulder. 

“If I were to fall over, accidentally, it’s possible for me to break my ankle? Twist or sprain it?” 

Her boot hit the floor with a thunk and Azriel leaned back on his haunches. 

“What’s going through your mind?” 

Elain spoke after a beat of silence. 

“Everything is just going so wonderfully, and I don’t want to mess anything up.” She admitted in a small voice, taking the comfort Azriel offered when he squeezed her calf. 

“Even if you broke your ankle, Mother forbid, we’d still have a lovely time together. Because it’s our honeymoon. Just us. And even if Devlon himself came bursting through the door, nothing would ruin this.” 

“Really?” Elain asked with a raised eyebrow. 

“Truly, though if Devlon arrived I suppose it would mark the end of our honeymoon. I’d like the bloodshed to be kept to a minimum.” 

“Such a gentlemale.” Elain smiled, picking up her hand and running her fingers through his dark hair. 

Azriel worked off her other shoe, and Elain was relieved when both of her ankles were intact. 

“How much time do we have before the festivities begin?”

“About forty minutes.” Azriel said, running his hands up and down Elain’s thighs. 

Elain nodded, turning her thoughts over in her mind. 

“I think we should bathe together tonight,” Elain thought aloud. “I have a feeling this place has the most fantastic bathtub. And enough space for you to lounge your wings. Did you like it when I cleaned them for you?” 

“Very much.” Azriel replied, his eyes golden and heady as he thought about the night before. 

“I very much liked cleaning them for you,” Elain said, leaning forward to run her hand over the strong membrane. The suppleness underneath her fingers never stopped astounding her. “I was worried the cloth was too rough.” 

“It was a bit,” Azriel said, taking her free hand and kissing her palm. “But otherwise I probably would have embarrassed myself.” 

“I do like to play with your wings,” Elain said in a low voice. “And to bring you pleasure.” 

Azriel’s head fell forward and nestled into her soft belly. 

“We don’t have time for this.” 

“Sorry.” Elain said, sighing and wishing she hadn’t put up such a fight this morning so that they could be together now.

“You know,” Elain pouted. “You should have just ravished me this morning.” 

Azriel harrumphed. 

“I’ll ravish you plenty tonight, mo chroí.” Azriel said, rising to his feet. 

“You better.” 

Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

Elain’s breath clouded the air as she and Azriel walked through the opening of the courtyard — one of the most beautifully decorative environments she had ever seen. Moonlight and candles lit the cobblestone pathway where brilliantly red poinsettias were placed around the perimeter of the walkway, guiding them to the murmur of voices in a location Elain couldn’t quite pinpoint yet. 

The night sky was clear. The stars almost as bright as those back home in the Night Court. The chilled night air playfully bit at her cheeks and Elain leaned further into Azriel’s side. 

“This is marvelous.” Elain breathed, her wide eyes taking in the pine wreaths and garland strung around the old stone pillars. 

“I thought you would like it. Does it remind you of your childhood?” 

Elain’s eye’s caught those of her husband, his golden hazel eyes burning bright. 

“Yes,” Elain replied, smiling. “My early winter memories are similar to this, but this is by far cozier and more welcoming. It reminds me of the stories we would tell around this time of year. I’m sure you’re aware of the lore.” 

Azriel bent his head, the indent of his dimple shadowing his face. 

“What is it?” Elain whispered. “What do you know that I don’t?”

They rounded a corner and Elain, so caught up in her husband, almost missed where the ground dropped off. 

Azriel’s large hand tightened around her waist, drawing her closer to his side. 

A soft gasp fell from Elain’s lips and she saw the open air theater below them. The stone steps were steep as they sloped down, and the rounded rows of seats were filled with what appeared to be everyone in the village - all of whom were dressed in their winter’s best. A sea of crimson red, evergreen green, shining silver, and sparkling gold - all facing the festive stage. 

Azriel slowly led her down the steps until they arrived at the only two empty seats in the theater, right in the very first row. 

“This is marvelous.” Elain whispered, her eyes wide as they took in her surroundings. 

“Just wait.” Azriel whispered against her ear as the lights dimmed. 

Dancers floated onto the stage - the scene vaguely familiar as realization dawned through Elain. 

The ballerinas began to tell the tale of one of her favorite stories; A story of sugar plum fairies and mouse kings. She had always wanted to see it performed live, but her family had lost its fortune before Elain had the chance, and the fae looked down upon human tales and rarely (if ever) performed them. But Elain had the fondest memory of this book as a child, and she shouldn’t have been surprised that Azriel had tucked away that tidbit of information. 

He really did remember everything about her. 

Elain watched breathless, on the edge of her seat, as the magical story unfolded before her. The elegance and craft of the human ballerina’s almost made her believe they were truly fae in disguise. 

All too soon the ballet came to an end. The lights lit up again and the roar of applause filled the air, and Elain clapped heartily with the rest of the awestruck audience. A broad smile pulled at her lips as she silently hoped the ballerinas would do a second performance. 

Her brown eyes turned to Azriel, who was already gazing at her in adoration, and said, “Thank you for bringing me here.” 

“The night’s not over yet.” Azriel grinned brightly and Elain felt her heart contract in her chest. 

Azriel helped her to her feet and the pair of them followed the ebb of the crowd as they slowly moved back up the old stone stairs. Surprisingly, no one turned to gawk at the winged Shadowsinger who stood apart from the crowd. Even though he was the only one with wings, it was as if they were used to his presence. 

“Have you been here before?” Elain asked as they slowly made their way up the steps and Azriel shook his head, but his eyes still glowed merrily, as if he was waiting for her to realize something. 

Elain narrowed her eyes at him slightly, feeling left in the dark. 

“There’s something magical about this place, I can feel it.” Elain said, her eyes sweeping around the courtyard again as they crested the top of the steps - but the courtyard was completely different than it was before. Some of the decorations were cleared away and a stone floor meant for dancing appeared and was lined with two long, massive tables packed full of decadent food and desserts.

Awe bubbled in her chest, but Elain turned to Azriel and asked, “What is this place?” Azriel merely smiled and held his hand up as a quartet of stringed instruments filled the air, silently pushing her towards the dance floor. 

She placed her slightly chilled hand into his warm one as he led her to the dancefloor, where couples were already twirling around under the moonlight. As soon as they stepped onto the floor, Azriel was whisking her away gracefully and perfectly in time with the other dancers. His charming smile and shimmering eyes were all Elain could focus on as she let herself melt into the dance. 

The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

Eventually, Elain and Azriel broke free of the dancefloor, but the music continued. They drifted over to the side table that called to Elain - the sweet smell of gingerbread beckoned to her. It was always one of her favorites in the chilled, frostbitten months. 

Azriel held a plate in each hand and Elain was filling them with sweets, inspecting each and everyone - admiring the skill and craft that went into every pastry - before piling it onto their plates. 

Elain was looking at a cream puff in great detail when she heard an amused voice asking, “Is everything to your liking?” 

She looked up from the puff and saw Mrs. Cringle standing there, light amusement dancing across her face as she looked at Elain, who smiled in return. 

“Everything has been so delightful,” Elain said, setting the pastry down sheepishly. “The skill of the ballerinas was incomparable, and all the dancing and, well,” She gestured to their surroundings. “Everything has been magnificent. Thank you so much for letting us join on such short notice.” 

Mrs. Cringle's eyes creased in delight. 

“I’m so happy you could join us,” She said, smiling whole-heartedly. “My husband is traveling this time of year, and I always get so lonely without him, so we started this tradition,” Something caught her attention behind Elain’s back, her eyes drifting away and Mrs. Cringle nodded slightly. “Please excuse me, but enjoy the rest of your night. If you need me, just ask anyone and they can find me.” 

Elain tried to bite back her curiosity, but it won out in the end. 

“What is this place?” Elain asked, gripping Azriel at his bent forearm and she narrowed her eyes at his soft laughter. 

“Look around Elain, truly look.” Azriel said gently. 

Elain took a steadying breath, her eyes sweeping around her once again. She noticed that no matter how people grabbed a handheld pie, or a shortbread, there was never a shortage of food…that the music was coming from…nowhere…no, there on a balcony tucked away behind curtains of red velvet Elain saw an enchanted quartet - the instruments playing and plucking themselves. 

She turned to look at the human across from her - a slender woman with pale skin and pale curls and pale eyes - and while she paid no attention to Elain, her movements were more graceful than any human, but not as inhuman as fae. 

Elain’s brow furrowed as she studied her closer. Concentrating as she pushed away the magic that hung in the air…Her skin was glowing, almost incandescently, and her ears were pointed similar to those of a high fae, but hers were more rounded - like a pear. 

Elain blinked and turned to Azriel.

“It can’t be.” 

Azriel’s grinned widened. 

“It’s the stuff of lore, not real life,” Elain said, taking in her surroundings with a fresh set of eyes. “Elves?” Elain mouthed the word and Azriel nodded in confirmation. He handed her one of the plates and placed a warm hand on the small of her back, leading her away from the mass of people to speak quietly. 

“I thought they were myths.” Elain whispered as they stood against a stone wall. 

“They chose to become one,” Azriel said lowly, nodding to them as they engaged in their festivities. “Thousands of years ago they let themselves be forgotten, and this is the only colony in existence,” Azriel explained. “While there might be a family in hiding here or there, there are only certain people who know that this exists.”

“Were they truly hunted?” Elain asked quietly, and Azriel gave a solemn nod.

“Brutally so,” Azriel confirmed. “Somehow, humans and fae alike believed that their bones possessed magical properties, and it was believed that if you made weapons out of them it would kill both the physical form and the spiritual form.” 

“Did it?” Elain asked before she could stop herself, a chill going down her spine.

“No,” Azriel said, his eyes darkening. “But no matter how often it was disproven, the rumor was still believed to be true. So, they disappeared from living memory and let themselves turn to myths. I can’t say I blame them.” 

Revulsion and sympathy crashed through Elain’s being as she looked at the elves. 

“It’s an honor to be here.” Elain whispered, watching their lives unfold before her. 

“It shows how trusting they are of Vassa, to allow us to be here based upon her recommendation alone.” Azriel said, and Elain nodded in agreement. 

“Did you know of this existence before talking with Vassa?” Elain asked and Azriel nodded. 

“Yes and no,” Azriel said. “Throughout my years as a spy I knew that elves were alive and that there was mostly a village somewhere, but I had no idea where. Or what their lives were like.” 

“And Mrs. Cringle is…?” Elain asked. 

“A different legend all together,” Azriel replied and motioned to Elain’s plate. “I’ll answer all of your questions later, but replenish your energy for another round of dancing, wife.” 

Elain smiled and bit into a pastry, absorbing every magical flavor. 

– – – 

By the end of the night, Elain was both giddy and exhausted as she and Azriel staggered back to their room. Flames tumbled in the ornate fireplace, keeping the room perfectly toasty on a cold winter’s night. The windows were frosted on the outside, and Elain was surprised to see fat snowflakes floating down from the dark sky. 

“No one truly understands elf magic,” Azriel said, taking in the surprise on her face and reading her mind. “But I would assume it'd be similar to that of the fae.” 

Elain nodded, turning to smile at her husband. 

“Thank you,” Elain said, taking a step towards him and placing her hands flat against his chest. His heartbeat a comforting thunder under her palms. “For this wonderful experience - for everything.” 

“You don’t have to thank me,” Azriel said, bringing his hands up to cover hers. “I want to do this for you. You deserve a memorable honeymoon. You deserve the entire world.” 

Elain stood on her tiptoes to place a delicate kiss on Azriel’s lips. Sinking into his warmth, letting her eyes fall shut to savor the feel of him. Soon, they would be back home, but for now she was enjoying this time with him. Soon they’d have to face Devlon, but he was the farthest thing from Elain’s mind as she felt her husband’s tongue brushing against her lips. 

A low, sensual moan pulled out of Elain’s throat as their tongues met. 

Azriel’s hands left hers and went to push down her fur stole. 

The room became warmer, headier as Azriel kissed her, slowly backing her towards the bed. 

Elain let her hands fall from his chest so that the garment fell to the floor, and soon after Elain’s dress went with it. They undressed each other slowly, taking in each other's bare bodies in the glow of the fire. 

Warmth bloomed through Elain at the sight of Azriel’s body, somehow she still wasn’t used to his hardened muscles or his male beauty. She truly didn’t think she’d ever be. 

Elain swore she saw faint threads of silver and gold connecting their bodies in the scarce distance that separated them. Azriel, however, didn’t seem to notice as he gazed down at her - his eyes locked on her. 

One of his hands tangled in her hair, tilting his chin up so he could claim her lips in a searing kiss before they fell onto the bed behind Elain. 

His body was on top of her and in hers the entire night. Claiming her in every way. 

When Elain woke the next morning, her body was tucked into Azriel’s, his wing cocooning them over the thick, fluffy comforter. 

Golden light was streaming in through the frosty windows and a silly, sleepy smile graced Elain’s face as she felt the tell-tale ache between her thighs. 

“Good morning,” Elain said softly, turning to face Azriel, his eyes wide awake as his face came into view. “Are we allowed to sleep in this morning, or do we have a schedule to keep to?” Elain teased before placing a sleepy kiss to his lips. 

A smile played on Azriel’s lips. 

“We have a few moments before we have to leave,” Azriel said, kissing her deeply and sliding one hand over the soft skin of her leg before grasping her behind the knee and pulling her leg up over his hip. He nudged at her entrance. “I can think of a good way to spend it.” He mumbled against her lips as he pushed inside of her. 

Elain moaned in pleasure as her husband leisurely made love to her. 

Is the end of all the endings?

“I feel so official, traveling with the Spymaster,” Elain said, setting into the cabin onboard a merchant ship. The mattress underneath her was lumpy with a threadbare blanket digging into her elbows - a far cry from the embodiment of comfort she woke up in that morning. After their morning lovemaking, Azriel urged her out of bed and they quickly left the colony of elves. It was as if the entire village was asleep because they didn’t see a single soul as they made their way through the town. The horses and sleigh were in the same position as they had left it.  “Maybe I’ll accompany you on one of your missions someday.” 

“Hmmm.” Azriel remarked, testing on the lock and deadbolt on their door. 

Their luggage appeared on the floor, in a cloud of shadows, which swarmed Elain kindly before disappearing.

“You wouldn’t want me to join you?” Elain asked, a mock pout on her lips. 

Azriel’s hazel eyes met hers over his shoulder. 

“I’d love for you to stay far away from any and all of my missions.” Azriel said honestly. 

Elain let a beat of silence pause in the air before responding. 

“You can’t hide me away from danger,” Elain said quietly. “No matter how much you may want to.” 

Azriel’s taunt body turned towards her, his shoulder leaning against the closed cabin door. 

“I know,” Azriel said, “And I know you’re incredibly powerful and we’ve only tapped the surface for everything you’re capable of,” Shadows darkened his corner of the room. “But I fear that I’d put you above any mission assigned to me - no, I know I’d always choose you, Elain. Prythian be damned.” 

Elain’s toes curled in her boots. 

“Then we are one and the same.” Elain said, sitting up straight on the small bed. 

Silence filled the room, realizing what they both admitted to each other, and Elain asked, “Where are we going? Are you allowed to tell me, or is it another surprise?” 

Azriel gave her a smile, the one that showed off his dimple, and said, “I can tell you.” 

“And we’re going to…?” Elain trailed off, prompting Azriel to fill in the blank. 

“Have you ever heard of the Golden Carnival?” Azriel asked. 

Elain furrowed her brow, searching her brain for some recollection and found nothing, so she shook her head. 

“It’s described as living luxury, decadent incarnate,” Azriel said, a sly grin on his face as he spoke. “A celebration held over multiple days. I’ve been a few times in the past,” His grin faded. “And if one knows where to look, then they can find any sin to indulge in. Masks are required to be worn for all who participate,” A tingling spread through Elain’s veins, a rush of emotions (both pleasant and unpleasant) fizzled inside of her. “And there are no such spectacles in the world like it.” 

“And that’s where we are going?” Elain asked slowly, raising her eyebrows as her husband. 

“Can you guess where it is?” Azriel asked, smiling cheekily at her. 

Elain pursed her lips, combing through her brain to try and salvage a guess. 

“If I had to guess,” She started, relishing in the spark in Azriel’s eyes. “I’d say that this has Helion written all over it.” 

Azriel nodded at her. 

“It’s in the heart of the Day Court, luckily enough,” Azriel confirmed. “As you can guess, the Golden Carnival was paused during Amarantha’s reign, and after. But this is the first time that Helion feels it’s safe to start the tradition again.” 

“And we’re allowed to go?” Elain asked, to which Azriel simply shrugged. 

“As I said, identities are kept secret and masks are worn. And we don’t need the permission from anyone other than Helion himself to attend.” 

A grin pulled at Elain’s mouth. 

“It sounds thrilling,” Elain admitted, excitement bubbling inside of her. “And this ship will take us there?” 

Azriel nodded in confirmation. “Helion is one of the few High Lord’s willing to trade with humans, and you wanted to experience travel, so I thought I’d give you some variety.” 

Elain laughed, silently pleased that within a day Azriel had them traveling by sleigh and ship, giving her every experience possible. 

“I can’t wait.” 

---------

Happy Solstice !!! I couldn't wait any longer to post this chapter because I really feel like it fits into the Holiday Season! It's been forever since I updated, so I'm not going to bother anyone by tagging them (hides face) so please comment and share if you enjoy!! Wishing everyone a great Solstice, Christmas, New Years, and every holiday you guys celebrate !! <33333

[bam-bi-buck]

8x07 SPOILERS

Ouch for Athena

So many loafs!

Maddie bringing in the universe! 👀

Detective Buck!!!!

Awww the hug is so sweet

“Is this Brad Torrance?”

“It is love! Send help!” Lmao

Oh dang

Him being concerned about getting the shot - goodness

“Hovering closer than my shadow?” That’s a fun saying, don’t think I’ve heard that one before

It’s Sargent, not ma’am

“Yes ma’am- I mean Sargent!” lol

Hen’s look when Buck is talking about wanting to text him - that stare piercing

The chief walking in while Eddie’s playing keep away with Buck’s phone

Booo “better start praying” grow a pair don’t tell a star they can snatch somebody from their job

Sparks feels off to me

“That’s real power” ew

Athena testing him like that, girl, don’t do that he’s gonna come after you I feel it

Athena also doesn’t like him! (Vindication!)

Hen and Athena besties!! I’ve missed them chatting

Bobby keeps getting hugs he doesn’t want 😭

“Twice in one week, what a blessing”

Omgod dude, Bobby’s married, leave him be

I don’t feel bad for Gerrard but I do feel uncomfortable watching him cry

Take that elsewhere dude, I don’t wanna see that

Telling my mom about the “he wants the cookie so f-ing bad meme” to explain the craziness of Brad’s obsession with Bobby

Sparks went “weee!”

Sparks dangling in the wind is such a funny sight

He almost went splat

“Don’t be a bitch, rob” reminds me of Grace telling the dude, “gods plan!”

Thanks for the assist, she saved your ass dude

Elaine listen to Athena! Dude has something wrong with him

200, 000k - me and my mom “DANG!”

Dude is such a sneak, why are you listening to peoples conversations creepy?

Love Maddie and Chim being like here! Have our child for the night, she’ll cheer you up! Bye!!

“All of them!” “That’s the best answer” he’s such a good uncle, he’s so good with kids, I love him, I love them, I adore the Buckley-Han family unit, y’all 🥺🥺🥺

Leader of Man! That’s Bobby!

God Brad is being a freak - shut up dude

You’re so right Bobby, she absolutely deserves an apology

Everyone immediately recording, if he’s this brazen around Bobby who hes obsessed with I’m surprised there aren’t a bunch of videos that the team brought up after learning Bobby was working with him

Holy shit

Why did you reach for a weapon at all? You didn’t need one asshole

Calling it a taser over and over again doesn’t make it one, dumbass

Gotta say, I prefer when we don’t have police based storylines but Angela Bassett is such a memorizing actress

I’m glad we see Sparks having to deal with the consequences of his actions at least, if we have to have this kind of storyline

Then saying “limey ass” in unison - beautiful

Also love the show immediately proving me right, there should be so many Brad Torrance videos!

Love a good “____ behind me, aren’t they?” moment

Omgod he’s gonna shadow Bobby

Oh poor Bobby, Brad’s gonna cause so much buffoonery, isn’t he?

The promo with Eddie being in the car while the water rises reminds me of S1 when Buck was in the elevator with the water rising