#either way this is very cute. and i like the it :) i was mildly obsessed with this pokémon when sv came out

[front-facing-pokemon]

[cybertron-smash-or-pass]

A bit of a loaded question, I know, but do you have any TF ships you prefer and would like to share?

I need you to be aware that you're opening pandora's box here. The vibes range anywhere from "god this is hot" to "god this is cute" to "their dynamic is so fucking interesting and i want to study them under laboratory conditions" to "this hurts so much and I need the drama, I am CRYING" to smashing barbie dolls together. I have crackships you ain't even THOUGHT about. I throw ships at the wall just to see if they stick. I like a lot of ships. Arguably too damn many. So many that I'm putting this under a cut to spare people from the long post. So many that I have to sort them by continuity so you're not staring at an unorganized list longer than do you love the color of the sky.

TFA

shockbee I feel has a lot of the potential for shockwave fearing what happens when bee finds out he's not longarm. Like a lot of the scenes in auto boot camp read to me like shockwave really did want bee as an ally while he climbs the ranks, and there's some juicy potential for shocker starting out as just using him until he actually catches feelings. Especially in aus where bee really did join the elite guard. Like can you imagine the drama. The heartbreak. The trust issues. Bee realizing he never really knew the guy he could trust most. Wondering if he's even safe to be around. If anything was even real. Shockwave wondering the same things. Hhhhhhhhh.

I do enjoy shockblurr conceptually but I'm not crazy about how they're usually portrayed in the fandom bc I feel like we're all forgetting that shockwave is a ball of anxiety and murder, and Blurr is a straight laced fuckin nerd who can't shut his mouth. An overpowered, highly capable nerd, but a nerd still. I like what the artist katzske does with them a lot tho.

I'm also a blitzbee enjoyer but on a less "bee can fix him and itll be so sweet" level and more "god imagine how annoying they'd be together." Looney Tunes levels of fucking with people. Either that or bumblebee is just horny on main and really likes the thought of bagging a con, but then he goes and catches feelings.

prowlbulk owns my entire heart. They're so sweet on each other and prowl really respects and appreciates bulkhead way more than bulky's used to. And bulkhead admires so much of prowl's skill and perspective. They work so well together as a couple and it's fucking adorable. With a hint of tragedy bc. Well. You know.

Bulkbee is also incredibly cute bc I'm a sucker for besties that very slowly realize they love each other so much it makes them look stupid. Good in romantic or qpr flavors. Bee already climbs all over bulkhead like a squirrel, they're so fuckin affectionate and very very stupid in social settings.

I like Optimus and blackarachnia from a drama standpoint bc God. They are tragic. They are MESSY. I genuinely think there's no happy ending for them. The trust is gone. But they still miss each other so much and they just CANT move on, so they keep stringing each other along. They're just hurting themselves and each other every time one does anything nice for the other. It's the kinda shit that just slowly rips your heart out. OP please don't text your ex. OP pLEASE

Megop is a classic but I feel we as a fandom underutilize how much Optimus pisses off Megatron. He is an asshole cat knocking shit off the counter for attention. Megs lets him be worse when he is so so fucking tired of being good. He loves that he hates him and he hates that he loves him. Full on "my esteemed rival" "dearly detested." Fighting each other is cathartic and addictive. Megatron finds it infuriating but he can't deny how much he likes having a worthy opponent, how fitting it is that the cosmos sent him so deadly a nemesis, and yet how lame it is that he was so forgettable at first so now he feels dumb being mildly obsessed with him. Optimus is just glad he has someone who doesn't expect him to be perfect and nice and upstanding. He can vent out a lot of his less noble feelings or impulses that he's had completely repressed for ages. The pressure's off in a lot of ways. And I think in an enemies to lovers sense, watching them figure out how to make that setup and that very odd mutual desire to be in each other's lives into something healthier could be really compelling. Or tragic in a "why did I let myself need you? Why the fuck did I let myself need you?" way.

Beeprowl is funny but I only really like it in a "you annoy me SO MUCH let's make out about it" way. Nothing committed, just dispelling the tension without having to kill each other. It is just kinda nice seeing them have genuinely sweet moments though. Squidbob ass relationship.

Lugnut and Strika are the perfect Decepticon power couple and I love them so much. So very much. Lugnut loves his big terrifying wife capable of leveling cities, and she loves her sweet devoted husband who could throw her across the room. I think they break chairs over each other's heads for fun and have been trying to seduce Megatron into a threesome for ages.

Shockwave and Megatron are also incredibly good. The loyalty. The "I commit my whole existence to you. I am yours, in mind body and soul. I will go wherever you need me to, I will put myself in immeasurable danger for you, just please say I'm doing a good job" and "all my efforts would be lost without you. In a world where I have been vulnerable and terrified, where I have been stabbed in the back by people I thought I could wholly trust, I can look at you and know, unwaveringly, you won't do the same. I trust you completely." It's Delicious. It's absolutely codependent but god it's tasty.

Also honestly? Bulkhead and the constructicons could make a pretty cute throuple. He wants them to be better. They want him to be worse. He just wants them to do honest work and they want him to stop letting stuffy, elitist autobot society control him so much. They love each other, they're friends (even if the constructicons don't totally remember the first night they met him). And they really do enjoy each other's company. They're just guys being dudes. Just dudes being guys. Just guys being gays. (It's also just nice when bulkhead gets to be the smaller one, scrapper totally carries him around like a big ol' cat).

I really like prowl being torn between lockdown and jazz. They're the devil and angel on his shoulders. Lockdown tempting him into relapsing, feeling himself fall into old habits, forsaking everything he's learned about patience and respect and being conscientious of the world around him. Jazz picking him back up when he slips, making him WANT to keep being better. And prowl can't decide if he wants to be loved in spite of all his toxic traits or BECAUSE of them. It's got me in a chokehold, your honor.

Megastar is fun in tfa because 1. It's implied Megatron never actually abused starscream while they were on the same side (the first thing starscream says after waking up from being shot is "YOU DARE STRIKE ME, MEGATRON?" which reads to me like this is a new development). Megs doesn't actually hurt anyone working for him other than Sumdac, who he fucking hates (at least not on-screen), and the only reason he was as aggro to starscream post-revival was because he knew screamer is the reason he spent all that fucking time as just a severed head. He used to actually trust him, sort of, even if he was a scheming, sycophantic little weasel. And 2. It's pretty obvious they have history together. I genuinely truly believe they were exes and Starscream only planted a bomb on him because he couldn't be fucking normal about the divorce. You look at how they bitch at each other in deep space and then immediately fall into what is most likely their old dynamic of getting things done and shooting the shit and tell me they never had an intense romantic stint that went horribly wrong. Starscream calls him Meggy in his internal logs for fucks sake.

Oh also sumdac x megatron. It started as a crackship of mine but I really love the idea of sumdac feeling legitimately guilty for taking Megatron apart and unknowingly violating him the way he did, even if Megatron is terrible. Like the dynamic of "you lied to me" "if I told you who I really was, I would be dead. I don't owe you the truth when you held me captive. I was vulnerable. I was TERRIFIED. I did what I had to in order to keep myself safe. And you come to ME with accusations of doing you wrong? When YOU held all the power? And then when I'd taken back the power you left me without, made you feel what I felt, I'm a monster?" "I never meant to hurt you" "Well you did. And now you know just how much damage you did." Like it's such an interesting angle, ESPECIALLY when you consider that sumdac probably grew to legitimately care about Megatron while he was in his lab. He wanted to do right by him. He wanted to see him restored and thriving. He was his robot buddy that made a birthday gift for his kid once. Some part of him probably misses him after he's gone, some part of him probably feels guilty too, even through all the rage and hurt and fear and betrayal. That's complicated feelings!! That's juicy!!!!!

I like the thought of Shockwave and Optimus but that's mostly for sexy reasons. Something about a big, smooth talking, scary cryptid monster, very well spoken and elegant, seducing Good, Upstanding Autobot Optimus to The Dark Side. This is mostly because Optimus is a huge nerd and so is Shockwave. I think Shockwave could potentially pique his interest with uncensored versions of the history Optimus is already a huge dweeb about, and seal the deal with a few gentle touches and honeyed words. From Optimus's perspective this is Very Obviously a Honeypot Trap but the trouble is Shockwave is very hot and very sweet on him and starting to seem less and less evil so he's not sure how long he can keep his guard up when the temptation is this strong. He has a duty to fight Decepticons and shut out their lies but man. He's so tired. And Shockwave's berth is very warm. There is something satisfying about seeing him choose to be selfish after nearly a whole show of him taking the high road. (It's even better if he gets attached when eventually Shockwave's Cool Sexy Collected vibes falter and he sees how much of an anxious, panicky dork he actually is)

Ratchet x Arcee are also very very cute together. Old married dorks. Ratchet's so soft with her and he wants her to be okay. She genuinely likes him and he makes the nightmare she's subjected herself to bearable. "Don't call me sir, I work for a living!" They're both horrifically traumatized, they understand each other on a level most bots can't, and they can ground each other when it gets bad. God. You know they're slow dancing in the kitchen together. You know they're sickeningly domestic with each other. They are holding hands in the park on a comically small bench on earth right as we SPEAK.

I also just kind of like the idea of team prime being a polycule (other than ratchet, who is just watching the young bots having relationship drama and rolling his optics (the age gap and mentor role make me personally a little uncomfortable but I have nothing against people who do include him, they're all adults, its chill)). I like the thought of these losers getting home after a long day and collapsing into a cuddle pile, either on the couch or on the floor. They all love each other so much already, I think they should kiss about it, but they're super repressed so it's So Very Shy and Cautious and Sweet.

The same goes for the Decepticons but more in a "cons are pretty casual about sex anyway, they're in close proximity, and they tolerate each other at least so nearly everyone has a fuck buds setup with each other" way. I feel like the autobots are super repressed in that regard so the cons started leaning into being sluts to stick it to the mech along with all the other freaks shit they're cool with. God help Blackarachnia, she goes from Autobot repression to all her coworkers being sluts on main and she Does Not Know what to do about that (also it would make a lot of sense if that's why she started leaning into the femme fatale thing so hard)

TFP

Optiratch my beloved. Gay old men who would do anything for each other, even when they really don't agree on how to proceed. They're best friends, they're husbands, they're crushing on each other and they think it's unrequited, they just started dating, they've been married for eons. All of it works soooo well. They know each other well enough that they can communicate by just kinda grunting in specific ways. I need them to hold hands SO bad.

Megop is also Very Good here. Literally the most divorced robots to ever exist. Megatron NEEDS Optimus back and Optimus still holds a torch for megs, but it's so fucking funny because they're clearly on fundamentally different levels of "I miss you." Like Optimus is kinda sad and he does want the old Megatronus back, but Megatron does these whole fuckin elaborate stunts to get Optimus to pay attention to him again and then locks himself in his room with a pint of ice cream and dark energon to cry about him. Mans is NOT coping. Alternatively, Optimus is coping just as poorly on the inside and he really does still love Megatron just as much but he knows that's a selfish desire that he quiets with everything else he sacrifices about himself in the name of being a good leader. Least repressed Optimus.

Bulkhead and wheeljack should get to kiss on the mouth I think. If Arcee can call Wheeljack Bulkhead's boyfriend, and bulkhead does not deny it, logic dictates they should in fact French kiss sloppy style for a whole minute on live TV. It can happen. Only on the hub.

KOBD are adorable together, they are so unhinged and stupid and they love each other so much. Like the team rocket of the nemesis. Breakdown loves his husband soooo much and knockout misses him so bad when Silas gets him. And you KNOW they're freaks bc knockout is totally convinced that breakdown would've loved seeing how he torments Silas in bd's body. He's probably right about it too.

I also wholly support Ms. June Darby for trying to seduce Optimus. Me too girl, get that robo ass. Go get jack a new cooler dad. It's also very cute to imagine Optimus, the bigass 30 foot robot, the stoic leader of the Autobots who keeps stonefaced through just about anything, flustered and crushing on a very small and very flirty human.

For some reason the show was kind of trying to tease Bulkhead x Arcee for exactly one episode and then never again and like. Look. I understand it was a forced het ship that was there to distract people from how gay they accidentally made the show. I know it'd probably just be Arcee rebounding after losing Cliffjumper. But I think them having a fwb type relationship while she works through her feelings could be interesting. Though this could just be because Bulkhead is big sweet and comforting and him holding anyone and making them feel safe while they're Going Through it is enough to get me saying God I Wish That Were Me.

Bumblebee and Smokescreen appeal to me in the same way seemingly very hetero frat bros who are apparently a very sweet and affectionate gay couple do. It's an inherently funny irony and also theyre just both cute himbos.

TFP Megastar is horrifically unhealthy in general and there is absolutely no way in hell it could work out. Not pre-war, not post-megs-redemption, nada. Which is why it has my brain in a chokehold. This is one of the ships I like because it's fascinating and because god it HURTS. Like I have my gripes with how the show portrayed the abuse overall but there were some things they were cooking with. Starscream being an obvious victim but then turning around and inflicting it on everyone around him? Girl no, the cycle of violence and abuse!!!! Girl no, you're refusing to do the complex emotional work of accepting that what happened to you wasnt okay and thus you carry out the behaviors you've gaslit yourself into thinking are normal!!!!!! Girl no, society has failed you and you have no support systems to help you break the cycles, but you also simply refuse to try in the first place because your pride wouldn't allow it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The cortical psychic patch was literally my fave showcase of their dynamic in the whole show. "I don't want to play this game anymore!" Like jfc ouch. Also the thought of post redemption Megatron lamenting how he treated Starscream, not having considered the damage he's done to him before now. Trying to make it right and only making it all worse by inserting himself into Starscream's life again and realizing how badly he's broken him, how fucked it is that Starscream seems to revere him after EVERYTHING. God. GOD. I'm in agony.

Speaking of starscream in the cycle of abuse, KOSS has postcanon potential. (Post Predacons Rising, rid does not exist 😌) Like. They've proven they feel some type of way about each other. "I've always admired your lustrous finish." "😏" But Knockout was the first person in starscream's life to set a boundary in a healthy way. And when starscream inevitably ignores those boundaries and knockout leaves, you know how much it fucking hurts starscream to realize how badly he fucked up. But of course, the pride. He can't apologize. Can't admit he's the reason knockout betrayed him. So he'll choke back the tears. He'll try to, anyway. But he can't stop the agony in his voice while he feebly spits out "Fine! I hope Unicron eats you too!!" You know the second they shut the door on him, the waterworks started, and so did the closest thing to self reflection Starscream's ever done. He Has the Potential to be Better with Knockout, but he NEEDS to put in the work, and the suspense of wondering if he WILL fucks my whole shit up.

Rescue Bots

It is so close to canon that blades and bumblebee are boyfriends. Hell I believe it pretty much IS canon. He loves that bug so much. He gets jealous when he hangs out with Dani and not him. He hugs him for a photo the first chance he gets. And since we know blades is confirmed as being into dudes, I think we all know what they were getting at. TFP bumblebee has an anxious twink boyfriend that lives in Maine and we have no idea whatsoever if the rest of team prime knows.

Graham and boulder pine for each other like you would not believe. Once again, pretty much canon. You can't just have boulder keep telling Graham "well I like you just how you are" when Graham's trying to impress a girl and expect me to not think he has a big stupid gay crush on his best friend. They love each other so much as partners and as friends, I know damn well they'd be SICKENINGLY cute together as boyfriends. They'd probably try to stealth it at first bc a human and a giant robot alien in love? What'll the others think?? Gotta keep it secret. Sneaking off into the woods so Boulder can work on his "art projects" but in fact they are kissing. They're not as slick as they think they are, Chief Burns 100% picks up what's going on but he lets them think they're sneaky. Nobody actually has any problems with it other than Kade making fun of them a little but don't worry that's just him projecting.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, Heatwave and Kade are the worst fucking tsunderes about crushing on each other. Between heatwave refusing to let down the brooding tough guy persona and kade being so insistent on staying hyper masculine (to the point where mild internalized homophobia is inevitable), neither of them can just be honest about how much they mean to each other and they gotta resort to getting each other's attention by being mean in very low stakes ways. I am drowning, there is no sign of land, you are coming down with me, hand in unloveable hand, except they're not drowning and they're just dunking each other in a kiddie pool repeatedly.

Heatwave and quickshadow are fun for similar reasons but with less shit lord pranks and/or lowbrow bitching, and more classy verbal sniping and sparring with each other because heatwave thinks it's hot when quickshadow kicks his ass. They're insufferably competitive and I think that could be very fun and incredibly messy, especially since they both need to learn how to communicate. Very bisexual, they are forced to share the brain cell, 10/10

I also just enjoy the idea of all the bots being in a polycule the same way I like the idea for TFA's team prime. They're very sweet together and they clearly care about each other a lot. Its just kind of nice when they all hold hands together, you feel me? They're sneaking off to kiss in the bunker bc they don't know if the humans know dudes can like other dudes. They are also not as subtle as they think they are.

Oh also doc Greene and chief burns dated once when they were teenagers and it didn't work out but they stayed besties, nobody can change my mind on this.

Beast Wars

Dinobot and Megatron are exes, 100%. Dinobot is probably the only being in the known universe that Megatron actually kind of cares about other than himself and his rubber duck. Otherwise he wouldn't keep trying to fucking clone him to make a version that will never leave him. There's also some implications here and there that Megatron really did want the world to be better for Predacons (along with the desire for power, anyway) and that preds are genuinely treated unfairly, so there's a pretty compelling angle of dinobot having been drawn to megatron because he saw someone with noble goals and a way to fix their fucked up world before becoming disillusioned with the dishonorable tyrant he turned out to be.

Dinobot and Optimus are also very good together bc it really truly feels like Dinobot finally found the guy with honor he thought he saw in Megatron. And he's infuriating half the time because he isn't nearly as bloodthirsty as he's used to, but GODDAMN does he make him Feel Things. The entire episode Gorilla Warfare has me obsessed with them. The bitching. Dinobot freaking the fuck out and Optimus tenderly removing the seed pod stuck to the back of his neck that was freaking him out and only laughing at him a little. Dinobot constantly trying to choose violence. The stupid smile when Optimus also chooses violence and Dinobot realizes he fucked up. THE BEDSIDE VIGIL. "It was my shift" AND YOU KNOW THEY WEREN'T TAKING SHIFTS. THE FLOWER ON THE BEDSIDE TABLE. "it is good to have you back." "Back home or back to normal?" "...both." THEY'RE HOMOSEXUAL, YOUR HONOR.

Dinobot (shit maybe I just really like dinobot) with Rattrap is good for similar reasons but the vibes are totally different. DoOp is all soft and sweet and patient and light ribbing, Dinotrap is talking shit at each other as a love language. Dinobot is a good guy but he's also, fundamentally, a bitch. Rattrap has proven he can match his freak by bitching right back. They love each other by pretending to hate each other. To the point where if Rattrap doesn't hear any comebacks he genuinely starts worrying because "oh, we aren't playing the game, why aren't you playing, are you okay?" They have so many soft tender moments where they prove they actually love each other. Their last conversation is talking shit!!!! "You're just a slag spouting saurian, but it's nice to know where you stand." "Upwind of you for preference, rodent." They loved each other!!!!!! Rattrap is fucked up over losing him!!!!!!!!!!! It's bittersweet, it's tragic, it hurts so bad and I love them so much!!!! They're stupid your honor!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a much sillier side, I do love Rattrap x Rhinox. Rattrap kissed that man twice. On the mouth. On screen. Annoying little gremlin who goes "nyehhhh" x big stoic dude who goes "hn." And they're both tech guys so they probably work on projects together a lot. And they all survive and are fine bc beast machines isnt real 💖

I have my problems with Silverbolt in general but I cannot deny that he and Blackarachnia are pretty damn cute together. He loves his girlfriend, they trash her shitty ex together, she loves that he doesn't try to change her. She gets to be the bad girl and the sweet knight in shining armor still loves her. "Dark poison of my heart" like c'mon.

Airazor and Tigatron are also pretty cute AND they have the honor of being the first canon gay couple in the tf franchise bc of the Japanese dub, which made Airazor a dude but left the romance unchanged (the Japanese dub was also just generally fuckin insane tho so it's not all that shocking).

Waspinator and Terrorsaur are boyfriends for real and for canon, John hasbro told me himself.

RiD 2001

I ship skybyte with that one girl that lives in a state of constant talking-car-based torment. Why? Because when I watched rid with my roommate we had a running joke that eventually they'd meet and have a whole robotfucker romcom arc and it kinda just stuck. This is my only rid ship and I will not be taking criticism on it.

Cyberverse

Bumblebee, Hot Rod and Cheetor are in a polycule together and nobody can tell me they aren't. Just how it's gotta be.

I want Perceptor and Dead End to kiss so badly. They're technically canon already given how hard the creators ship them. They hold hands your honor. "only a bolthead would go out there... UGH I'm such a BOLTHEAD" HES IN LOVE YOUR HONOR.

Hot Rod and Soundwave are great as enemies to lovers, they're so annoying 💖. I feel like they'd start playing gay chicken and be married with three kids wondering when the other guy is gonna back out.

SHOCKWAVE AND WHEELJACK OH MY GOD. fellas is it gay to program your drones which are just tiny versions of your own altmode to dance funny to Tetris music specifically because it makes your lame ass boyfriend laugh and then keep that function eons after you break up and still remember exactly what the command is? Fellas is it gay to get kidnapped by your ex and then get really excited about all the cool shit he's been making while you were separated? I wish they could've gotten a happy ending man, they could've been so cute together.

I don't ship it romantically but I believe in Grimlock & Arcee qpr. They love each other so so much they would've readily died for each other. I love their dynamic, they're insane 💖

Same goes for Shadowstriker and Soundwave tbh. Decepticon besties, and Shadowstriker being aro kinda just feels right. I like to think they cuddle and talk shit about Shockwave while Sounders blasts heavy metal. They play cod as the most insufferable duo.

Megop in cyberverse is so good because it really feels like they Had a relationship but it was unstable and moved too fast and they just assumed they were on the same page about things without communicating properly until suddenly they were in serious disagreement, and TRIED to work it out in a mature way but they were simply Doomed From the Start. And then it culminates in a whole fucking war but it rages so long, and they are so tired of fighting, and they realize they want to try again because nobody was really to blame for how things ended because they both handled it poorly. I wish they got that chance to try again properly. I wish when Optimus retired to just fuck around and vibe, he could've taken Megatron with him. I wish they could've fallen in love all over again.

Oh also Slipstream and Windblade being lesbian enemies to lovers bait was Fucking Phenomenal and I Love it So Much. They're smug and terrible and I want them to make out. They can make each other worse 💖

G1

I have not seen that much of g1 but I do know a few things are absolute truth.

Soundwave is gay for Megatron. This is arguably reciprocated.

Shockwave is gay for Megatron. This is not reciprocated but it is taken advantage of.

Starscream vacillates between gay for Megatron and trying to kill him. Megatron seems to reciprocate but only a little bit. Enough to keep him alive because he's cute. But megs also gets a lot of cuteness aggression so he feels the need to chuck starscream against the wall every now and then.

Powerglide and Astoria are tied for the pinnacle of robot on human romance in the entire tf franchise with Tracks and Raul, and if none of them come back in ANY tf media, I will riot.

Cliffjumper and Mirage have fucked at least once.

Wheeljack and Ratchet are gay married.

Optimus is bisexual and he loves elita-1 but there is something distinctly homoerotic going on with Megatron.

Conclusion

I like when the robots kiss <3

[microwave-core]

Oh God it's more Headcanons

To prepare for XC3 (because the DLC drops at like 9pm for some reason) I wrote more headcanons, mainly because I didn't have a specific character in mind to drabble about.

Sonia my beloved. God, Galar has so many great characters and yet I just don’t have the time to write for all of them… even those with banger designs. Anyways, Sonia. Where to even start with her.

Her hair is a mess. Humidity is her worst enemy. She spends dozens of minutes a day attempting to detangle it when the weather goes to shit. She would be forever indebted to you if you brushed her hair for her. Please just be careful, she will complain if you tug too hard.

Also be careful if you sleep next to her at night, because you very well may end up choking on her hair. Even just cuddling is risky business. You are never safe, not even if you are the little spoon. But it’s worth it because Sonia runs very warm, so it’s always comfy to hold her or rest in her arms.

Speaking of hair, she wants to style yours. Doesn’t matter what kind of hair you’ve got, she’ll find a way. Straight or curly or coils or braids or what have you, she will play with it. Doesn’t matter how long it is either. If you ask for a specific style, she’ll do it, but at some point she will weave little hearts into it to match her own. Don’t ask how she does it, it’s a secret.

Anyways, enough about that. I am absolutely obsessed with the idea of a kid rocking up to get their first pokemon from the Professor and her wife and their adopted son assistant. She’s just… so powerful I love her so much. 

Hop loves you. He ships you so hard with Sonia it’s unreal. He is Galar’s best wingman and will do everything in his power to get you two alone together. You guys could literally be married already and he would still be trying to set you guys up. And Leon is no different. Sonia’s his best friend and she talks about you all the time. This guy knows how much Sonia loves you and wants nothing more than for you two to be happy together. Sometimes a family is just a professor, her wife, their assistant, and his brother.

Not enough content for Big Sis Plumeria. She’s gotta take care of basically all Team Skull because they would never get anything done without her around, so she’d be immensely grateful if you either helped corral them or help her relax after constantly chasing after them.

She’s very much an “asshole to the world, sweetheart to her girl” type of girlfriend, mixed in with some tough love. She would never raise her voice at you or seriously insult you, something she does often with the grunts. The most she’ll do is mildly insult you for doing something stupid (as in she would call you an “idiot” or something along those lines), but it’s always evident that she’s more concerned than upset.

As long as you're her girl, no one is going to mess with you. Especially if you have a storied history. Asshole ex? Shitty family members? Straight up enemies? You don’t have to worry about those people anymore. 

Oh also all of the Team Skull grunts look up to you and would literally die for you. You’re Big Sis Two, their third favorite person. Also, if anything happened to you on their watch, they would have to face Plumeria’s wrath, which might as well be worse then Guzma’s

Slightly older contest-star Shauna who, despite being pretty girl-crazy, attempts to navigate her first serious relationship. I realize that I like Shauna more than most people, but hear me out.

When she went on a journey through Kalos with her friends, like stated above, she was completely girl-crazy. Literally every girl she met was the absolute prettiest woman she had ever seen (especially Diantha). But she never ended up getting into a relationship, despite wishing otherwise.

When she meets you, she is absolutely smitten. When you’re just friends, she dreams about you every waking minute. She really, really wants to hold your hand and kiss you and go on cute little dates to restaurants and picnics and do contests together and go shopping together and and everything else girlfriends do. She is obsessed. 

But once you start dating her, she’s a mess. She has all these things she wants to do with you, but she doesn’t know how to go about doing any of them, so sometimes she comes off as a little awkward in the most endearing way possible. She’s a little clumsy and hesitant when initiating affection, but every little thing you do together makes her so happy. It’s got the energy of a cute high school romance, just two dumbasses in love with each other.

Also she’s super supportive of you. Like Marnie, she is your personal cheerleader. She’ll bring up your achievements to everyone she comes across because she needs everyone to know how great you are and how lucky she is to be dating you. Please be supportive of her in return, she would actually ascend to heaven if she saw you in the audience of one of her contests.

Zisu… big woman. I don’t even have words to describe this absolute unit of a woman. She is far too powerful to fully put into words. Her strength is seemingly unending. She canonically trains with pokemon with her bare hands and could absolutely fuck all of them up.

She can bench press your ass, no matter your size or stature. She’ll carry you anywhere you want whenever you want, she’ll get anything you need off of the top shelf, she will lift up anything you need for whatever reason, and she will give you a little kiss on the forehead because she loves you very much.

If you’re afraid of Pokemon (which is pretty likely given the time period), she will do whatever it takes to help you get over your fears. Zisu is all the protection you need in Hisui. No Pokemon will ever get past her. But she would also like to help you get more comfortable with them, if nothing more than for her peace of mind. She can’t be there all the time, given her position in Team Galaxy.

But if you have a strong team, she would love to train with you. If you managed to beat her, she would love you forever. She’s hella strong, so she finds you being stronger than her in one aspect incredibly attractive. And if you managed to beat her in hand to hand combat? She would never recover.

I think Larry is objectively the funniest gym leader, but I whole-heartedly believe Iono is right behind him. I just think she is a funny little guy with an absolutely banger design.

As the most popular streamer in Paldea (I think), people across the region are going to know that you're dating. There is nothing you can do to avoid it. And Iono doesn’t want to hide your relationship. She wants to show you off.

Showing up on stream at least a few times is a mandatory part of dating her. Both Iono and chat love when you’re there. Sometimes Iono will warn you about what she’s planning beforehand, but other times she’ll leave you in the dark. Don’t worry, though, she won’t ever do anything that will make you uncomfortable.

More importantly, when dating Iono, you get to see the normal her, without the energetic streamer persona. Not to say that she’s completely different on stream, she just amps everything up for the camera. Off camera, she just wants to lay down with you and chill out. Let her complain about the weird people in her chat while you hold her close, she desperately needs it.

Outside of that, this girl loves to gossip. Tell her all about the drama you're dealing with or about the people you just don’t like, she eats that shit up. Likewise, she’ll also “spill the tea” as the kids say. She’s got a lot of people and things to tell you about, both big and small. Just promise to not blab to others about those she complains about. She already has to deal with too much weird shit to have time to deal with additional drama from other people.

Flannery is, like, an og waifu, or something like that. Anyways I like her because her design is sick and so is her gym aesthetic (at least in oras). Girlypop is confident in her abilities but she also only has a vague idea of what she’s doing and is just trying her best.

Being a rookie gym leader is hard, even if she is highly skilled. More importantly, it’s stressful. Thankfully, Lavaridge has a hot spring, giving her a perfect way to relax at the end of the day, and she is borderline desperate for you to join her. Listen, she just radiates disaster lesbian. Being in your presence helps her unwind as is, so pairing you up with the hotspring makes her melt. 

She is very dedicated to her training and would love it if you were to join her sometime. Be warned, it gets uncomfortably hot and you will most likely regret it almost immediately, so be prepared. She doesn’t ask you to join her because she doesn’t want you to accidentally strain yourself due to how rigorous it gets, but she’d let you if you asked (after warning you of how difficult it would be, of course).

She seems like someone that would enjoy hiking. Conveniently, there is a volcano right nearby to track up. Flannery desperately wants you to come with her because it would give her a chance to share something she loves with someone she loves. Don’t worry about getting tired, she will carry you up the remainder of the track, no sweat. When you make it to the top (or just find a clearing to rest at), you get to gaze at the beautiful scenery with her. 

Okay I now realize that I didn’t do much outside of the first point to show how much of a disaster she is but she just like… is. I cannot explain it, that is just the vibe she has. So even if she seems confident and held together in your presence, she is screaming in her head because you’re so pretty and she loves you AAAAA.

Oh shit I forgot about Tymeand Ryme for the gilf section of the last headcanon post fuck. Uhhhhh, I like them in the same way as the other gilfs in that they’re cool but ultimately they are funny little grandmas, so here comes your grandma posting.

Like the others, Tyme would totally bake you cookies and while eating them would help you do math. I don’t care if you’re not taking some kind of math class or if you're a student at all, she is going to help you do math. Someone has to teach you how to do your taxes, right? If that is not enough to entice you, then perhaps you would like to see her very cool rock collection, because she would totally have one, and a big one at that. Unrelated, but if you give her any kind of rock she could identify it immediately and would also cherish it dearly.

Ryme is the cool grandma. She doesn’t have time to bake cookies (she isn’t very good at it), but she makes up for it in other ways. You want to see a band or artist live? Just tell her, she’ll find a way to get you to that concert. She’d also let you get away with a lot of things, letting you off easy where others would be upset. Like, if you got into a fight with someone, she would lightly scold you then immediately ask if you won. She’d be really proud if you did and would comfort you if you didn’t. Also teaches you how to rap, but that much should be obvious.

Hopefully this is the last of the grandma posting because if I do this again it means I forgot someone else and I don’t think I did. I guess if there’s one major appeal to the gilfs it’s the domesticity of them? Like, you get the ideal of living your life alongside one another for such a long time, which is the dream, really. Girl I don’t know I’m gonna get back to regular unhinged scenarios sorry about this.

One professor was not enough for one post apparently because I wanna talk about Professor Juniper, the original hot professor. Ever the reliable woman, she will do all she can to lend a hand should you need it, but in return you need to put up with her deciding to do things before confirming with the other people involved beforehand.

Unlike most professors, Juniper has another professor to rely on, that being the other Juniper, so she does have a bit more free time on her hands. That being said, she is often doing things for other people, so she is pretty much as busy as the others. But because she’s just helping out other people and not completing research, she is definitely more accessible. Not going to say that she would hold off on helping someone to come help you if you were to need it, but she would do that (assuming that what she was doing before wasn’t urgent).

She loves to travel around the region, and would love it if you joined her. It’s not really a date, but it’s good quality time. Most of it is taken up by her rambling about the Pokemon that can be found in the area. She would also love it if you lent her a hand in her research. It’s a fun and cute little bonding activity, and it means you can spend more time together afterwards.

Like Sonia, the idea of rocking up to a lab only to be met by the professor and her loving wife is a very powerful one, but Sonia remains more powerful. After all, Juniper doesn’t usually give kids their starters in person, nor does she have an assistant whom she and her wife can semi-adopt.

As a side note, I considered using her first name because she has one, but I don’t know if that is common knowledge. It pops up at the very beginning of B2W2, but I didn’t realize it was there until, like, two days ago. 

Oh my God I forgot about Professor Magnolia because she isn’t even on my list of characters. I am so upset. And no I’m not going to fix this my moving her up to be with Tyme and Ryme because I need it to be known that I fucked this up here’s your grandma posting again and if I mess this up for a fourth time I’m going to be so upset with myself.

Magnolia is just a chill grandma. She always has cookies in her kitchen to give to Sonia. I’m pretty sure they live together so it’s not like she’s visiting her, but she feels that her granddaughter should always have access to finely made cookies. If you were to come over, she would break them out along with tea and have a surprisingly intellectual conversation. She may have given the professor title to Sonia, but she continues to delve into research, if nothing to fulfill her own self-interest.

These visits are especially interesting if you were, say, dating Sonia. She would give you all kinds of stories from when she was growing up. They aren’t particularly embarrassing, per say, but they usually embarrass Sonia anyways. She’s happy that her granddaughter has found both a path in life and someone to spend it with. In general, she would be interested in you as a person. She wants to have a good relationship with her future granddaughter-in-law, after all!

I swear to God if I forget another grandma (besides Cogita because I already write about her plenty) I’m going to lose it.

Let’s end this one with Misty. She’s normally sweet and bright, but she has a tendency to get snappy when annoyed, which tends to leave a greater impression on people than her regular nature since she easily gets frustrated.

Like all gym leaders, she has lots of responsibilities and is busy and also has an affinity for the type she uses. This is especially true for her since most of her designs are just swimsuits (good for you girlie). She will take you on walks all over Cerulean, as well as swimming in the water surrounding it. It’s her happy place, and she gets really annoyed when people interrupt the tranquil moment.

Sorry to say that it usually falls to you to keep her temper down in those situations. Remind her that it’s probably just a challenger looking to continue their journey and that you’ll get to continue your little date when she’s done. She’s still going to be annoyed, but it’s hard for her to remain bitter when she knows she gets to spend more time with you soon.

At some point, she wants to leave Cerulean and its gym for a while in order to go on a journey of her own. When she does, she wants you to come with her. Nothing sounds better to her than getting lost (metaphorically, she can’t stand actually getting lost) in nature with you by her side. Hopefully you don’t have something that could fry her bike because that would be pretty unfortunate.

I would say her sisters are supportive but they aren’t really there enough to know much about you. Sorry Misty. It’s a shame that they’ve been on the same cruise for twenty years. Someone should really check in with them.

[teeny-tiny-revenge]

Endearing things about Sim!Ed and Sim!Stede that keep making me smile, in no particular order:

This is Sim!Stede. (It took me a while to find suitably slutty shirts for him.) Who is he looking at like that?

Sim!Ed of course. They have been sitting there (the bar in their open space kitchen/living room) for a while, completely absorbed in chatting each other up in the cute simlish gibberish language. You can just sit one of them down somewhere and the other is going to join and talk to him for hours. They will ignore anything else.

- In a hilarious parallel to canon, after Ed confessed his crush to Stede and told him he's into guys in general and into Stede specifically, Stede went on a while like "this is my best friend Ed who's great" (they were already best friends at that time). Sim!Ed was sitting there making heart eyes across the breakfast table (because OMG they were roommates) and Sim!Stede was like "gotta tell my best friend Ed how much I like spending time with him and talking about hobbies!" 😂

Then Stede caught on, and decided to make up for the delay by being very into the wooing bit. Like, he'd get up, and immediately think of wanting to kiss Ed. No thoughts, only Ed.

- He's not alone there, Ed is equally Stede-focused. I had them spend a date at a local park early on. They had barbecue, then wandered around. Stop to chat with each other. Some random female NPC walks by. Takes one look at Sim!Ed and apparently decides he's her new crush (not blaming her, he's adorable, probably irresistible if you are another little virtual person), so she stops and starts hitting on him. Unfortunately for her, Sim!Ed is a) gay and b) currently busy staring at Sim!Stede, who just offered him a rose. Sim!Ed has little hearts floating around his little head and only eyes for Stede. He doesn't even notice the NPC trying to hit on him. Sim!Stede notices her, but instead of saying anything to her takes Sim!Ed by the waist and dips him in a kiss. NPC girl throws a fit and stalks off. Sim!Ed has failed to notice anything about that. He still has hearts floating around his pretty little head, and absolutely zero thoughts inside it. 💖

- It took like what felt a ridiculously short time until they were both completely obsessed with each other. One of them is doing something, no matter what it is, and chances are he will randomly think of the other one and how much he needs to flirt or just hang out with him. They see each other and bam, their mood goes right to either very happy or directly to flirty.

At this point they frequently just stop in the middle of an activity if the other happens to walk by. Yesterday Stede was supposed to make pancakes for breakfast. He got up before Ed (he usually does), so I figured that means he's in charge of breakfast, so I sent him to make pancakes. He got out a little bowl and mixed the batter. The next step would have been taking that to the stove and getting a pan to make the actual pancakes in. But, alas, Ed got up, and wandered by the kitchen on his way to the bathroom, in a purple robe and fluffy socks, looking really soft and cute, and Stede forgot about the pancakes entirely. They made out and chatted for half an hour, and I was sitting there like "Stede, your pancakes! And Ed really needs to pee!" 😂

- They also have really cute little character quirks I didn't set or expect to be there in the game at all. Stede has a bookworm trait, so his love of reading is understandable. But he's also obsessed with his phone (kinda more than with books, tbh). It's the only thing that can mildly distract him away from his one-track-Ed-focus mindset. He gets that thing out mid-conversation. He doesn't stop talking to Ed, he just also scrolls his phone. (Ed also has a phone, but he only opens it when nothing else is going on.)

- Ed is a napper. Stede sleeps and naps when he has low energy, which is reasonable. Ed just likes naps? He doesn't even need to be tired. It's like he sees a vaguely suitable piece of furniture, asks "is anyone sleeping on that?" and doesn't wait for an answer. If you wonder where Ed is, chances are he'll be having a nap. In the bed in the middle of the day. On the small living room/library loveseat by the fireplace. On the. Park bench in the public area that borders their garden? Ed, you have so many nice napping spots at home!

He slept on all the couches in the house, on either side of the bed, on the pool loungers, on a random bench in the public area that borders his and Stede's garden... He's just a sleepy little guy.🥹 (Sometimes I just watch him for a while. It's so cute. Very peaceful. Blorbo simulator is going great, guys, I get to watch them be happy!)

- Ed loves bubble baths. When I first got them into their (then) little house, I got them both a shower and a tub. I sent them both to try out the bath and shower. So they know they have options. (Do you need to do that? Probably not, but I do it like that.) But when deciding to go wash up on their own, Stede takes a shower and is done with it. Ed only showers when told to. Ed has tried the bathtub once and fell in love with it. (I was actually a little bummed that Stede doesn't do that, because in my head canon!Ed and Stede are a bathtub queen for bathtub queen couple, but I'm not going to take away Sim!Stede's shower if he prefers that, who am I, an evil god?)

- Stede cheats at chess. Ed overall seems to like the chess set better, he plays with it by himself, too. Stede only plays video games unprompted lol. He plays chess with Ed when Ed invites him to. And then he distracts Ed by pointing at something behind him and when Ed turns to look he rearranges the pieces.

Ed, sweetie, don't look so confused, you are losing because your boyfriend is cheating!

Also I think that particular game of chess was foreplay for them. They were sitting there at the table, doing 90% flirty conversation and 10% chess playing. And immediately, unprompted, decided to fuck after. (I don't even know who won the game or if they completed it.)

I suppose the game went well enough? They don't look unhappy about the outcome. 😉

[beevean]

brutally honest opinions on sonadow sonamy and whispangle 🙂

bro :P

Sonadow: I should like it. I know I should. It's a very typical rival ship, and a relatively civil one too. But I just find it so boring, sorry 😭 I can't get invested in their relationship at all, let alone see the spark of attraction. I think the issue is that I see Shadow as his own character first, and Sonic's rival as... fifth? I don't like him as Sonic's mirror at all, I prefer other rivals. <- result of playing ShTH before SA2, probably

Another nitpick I have is that usually this kind of shonen rival ship hinges on some kind of obsession, or seeing the other one as special in some way - something like "only I can defeat you". Sonadow... really doesn't have this. Shadow is just one of Sonic's allies. Shadow was mildly intrigued by Sonic in SA2 and Heroes but then he got used to him. I'm really not sure what they're supposed to see in each other.

Fandom behavior, of course, doesn't help - Sonadow is immensely popular, inescapable, and extremely prone to fanonization. Ever since I was a kid I hated how Sonadow almost always meant "seme Shadow/uke Sonic", and from what I've seen, the terminology has changed but the "interpretation" hardly did.

Back in the day I liked He Is My Master a lot, though. Hugely recommend it to modern audiences. It helps that it was a deliberate parody and breaking of the stereotypes of the time :P

Sonamy: I have a bit of a Wildly Inconsistent™ relationship with this one lol. I went from loving it as a kid, to distancing myself by the time Generations rolled in, to accepting it in a different form. I think it has the potential to either be a very interesting take on such a basic premise, or recipe for utter mangling of characterization to fit the characters into prepackaged molds. Solution: I don't engage with the fandom :P

The only version of Sonamy I like is one where the two are very close friends, engage in well meaning banter, and travel and fight together. The relationship should all be about fun, and trust, and appreciating how far they've come together. Despite how basic it looks, I reject the "settling down and having kids" scenario.

Perhaps I'm cheating :P but I think Sonamy can be cute without sacrificing their personalities that have IMO interesting similarities and parallels.

Whispangle: at its core, it's a very cliché "shy girl/bubbly girl" ship, not my thing but it could have worked out nicely. The scene where Whisper opened up about her past with Tangle and she offered her support, showing emotional intelligence despite her antics, is honestly nice.

It could have worked out nicely. Then IDW proceeded to shit on Whisper at every moment, turning Tangle into an utter insensitive dumbass who blurted out the name of her bestie's dead comrades for literal cool points and she got away with a "oopsie daisy" while Whisper had to profusely apologize for daring to still have PTSD over it. And I didn't forget how then the Duo fiasco ended with Whisper being artificially humiliated just so that Tangle could hug her, give me a break. Terrible. Whisper deserves a better friend.

[matt-lifesage]

Matt’s 2023 Visual Novel Tier List

Another year, another tier list/countdown of all the visual novels I read!

(two-thousand words of inconsistently distributed visual novel rambling below the cut)

Honorable Mentions:

I read a couple mobile game stories via youtube videos that are worth talking about but don't really belong on this list. Anyway, I’m slowly on-again off-again catching up to Arknights (almost halfway through it all the last time I checked), and it's been solid, my personal favorite story being Guide Ahead. But the real honor goes to FGO’s Lostbelt 6. A triumph from Kinoko Nasu and the folks over at Type-Moon. One of the best high fantasy epic novels I've ever read, hidden away three hundred hours into a gacha game for extra emphasis. A genuine highlight of the franchise, and if it was eligible for my own list where I make all the rules (hey, wait a minute...), it would be somewhere in S-Tier.

D-Tier

The Humbling of a Holy Maiden

Kicked off this year with some nukige. I’ve been meaning to check out more of the genre to have proper expectations and to know what I’m actually talking about if the subject ever came up (also checked out more of the genre for the obvious reason, but shush!). Frankly, not a good start.

Our tagline is basically, “What if the degrading corruption arc of the holy maiden archetype was consensual?” Nothing groundbreaking but still potentially enjoyable. Shame this game’s execution couldn’t muster even middling entertainment. Between erotic scenes, the game repeats the same meandering attempt at a philosophical conversation between the flatly written leads, who both never feel like even they can take what they’re saying seriously. It wouldn’t be too bad if it happened once or twice, but it’s *every* conversation. They did this a dozen times. Even in a visual novel as short as this, it was mind-numbing. Unfortunately, the erotic scenes aren’t much of a relief. I didn’t share the priorities/kinks of the creators, and even if I did, I would probably find the sex a samey and dull representation of them. This game was a chore to sit through. I don’t recommend.

Also, the heroine’s ‘slutty’ design looks like two clashing sets of lingerie worn on top of each other, and it’s wildly distracting.

Coffee Talk

I’m noticing an annual trend of me reading VNs that assume I have a far more positive connotation with coffee shops than I actually do.

So… I don’t want to make too many comparisons to a certain cyberpunk bartender simulator, especially when those opinions would be based on six-years-removed, nostalgically-charged fond memories of a game I desperately need to reexperience. I went into this Coffee Talk acknowledging it's a pastiche but willing to accept its own identity and terms so I could give it a fair shot and hopefully enjoy myself.

With that being said, I kinda hated this.

Its characters and drama range from enjoyable to mildly unfortunate, mostly nothing too interesting but nothing too egregious either--with Freya, the most frequently appearing character, being our infuriating exception.

The game touches on some mature themes and topics, but more often than not, Coffee Talk’s hokey one-for-one urban fantastical allegories are weighty in the same way that inflatable dumbbells are *technically* weights. The game is so obsessed with these close metaphors that the setting fails to feel remotely believable. And because real-life identities or struggles are recast with the likes of vampires and orcs, it falls into many of the common and frustrating insensitivities of the genre.

Shout out to the art team, though. The game’s presentation is top-notch.

C-Tier

Cute Demon Crashers [reread]

I read this like eight or so years back when it first came out and wanted to see if it held up, so I slapped it on one random night and went through it all again.

Didn’t really have a good time. I’m not the target audience for this. Comfy vanilla might as well be the name of the game, and it’s very, VERY, targeted to an audience looking specifically for that. Full power to them. I can’t complain because it’s literally free. I just didn’t expect to be so immediately bored by it, even if it’s not really doing anything wrong.

Who is the Red Queen?

A quick read with some good stuff, but it didn’t stick around in my head for long after reading it. It feels weird to complain about a free indie game created by people more skilled than myself, but a chunk of the art didn’t sell the Wonderland aesthetic for me. It was fine, but I might have preferred it if it was just a text game so my imagination would interpret the world as even more ethereal and dreamlike in a way generic fantasy backgrounds didn't reflect.

If you're specifically looking for a free-to-play Alice in Wonderland-themed Yuri visual novel, it's a good one. Maybe give it a try.

Coffee Talk Episode 2

Ever read the sequel just to be a more informed hater?

In all fairness, this was a big improvement on the first game. The sequel starts with some basic world-building. There's still obvious parallels in play, but there is a little work to paint this as a separate world this time where similar issues arose, something the first game barely even tried. It doesn’t always work, but it does try, which makes it less open for me to interpret uncharitably.

A second improvement is new mechanics. I don’t think the first game fully earned its last-minute twist, but Episode 2's additional gameplay verbs, plus more significant story deviations to incentivize replay and trial-and-error, does a better job at selling the fiction that the barista has an actual effect in the characters' lives.

Finally, the characters and drama were overall improvements. It's more interesting, less cliche, and there’s a stronger thematic core to tie the desperate arcs together. The highs are higher, and the lows aren’t as low.

That said, while the execution was improved, it never escaped the same foundational approaches as the first game. The urban fantasy allegories are better, but it's still hit or miss. There's still the ever-prevalent issue of halfway through a lovely scene with likable characters discussing their interesting drama, all characters involved will turn to the camera and start speaking in the unnatural cadence of a monologue in an afterschool special. Today's very important topic: Social media harassment! Garth Marenghi would be proud. However, even that element is much better handled than the first game which literally had a character smugly declaring all of this was a one-for-one allegory to our world, JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T GET IT.

After my distaste for the first game, I was pleasantly surprised by the sequel. It avoids the grating mistakes of Episode 1, but it's still too sanctimonious and I'll never vibe with its brand of gentrified twee.

Sweet Home ~H na Onee-san wa Suki Desu ka?~

Our final nukige of the list is Sweet Home. No, not the 1989 video game. No, not the movie that was based on. Not the webcomic either. (Gosh, there’s a lot of media sharing this title, huh?) 

If bland 'self-insert'-kun moving back in with his stepmom and having braindead sexy times with her roommates (plus some stepcest thrown in for spice) sounds like something you’d enjoy, then this one’s pretty a’ight. Mileage will vary if smut intended for the heterosexual male audience is even palatable to you. The game’s a quantity-over-quality situation, so you'll get plenty of it in this package for better or for worse. It got on my radar 'cause I dig how its artist, Kiriyama Taichi, drew ladies. I like their product. Probably wouldn’t have liked the game if a worse artist had been in charge--just to give you a taste of how shallow my enjoyment was lol. Consider any other game they were the artist for somewhere down in my TBR somewhere.

Ironically, for a game that’s whole fantasy is fucking (slightly) older ladies, my favorite route was the same-aged tsundere, probably because ‘childhood friend who's been repressing feels’ has more angst to it than 'new roommate wanted to see my dick.' After three of those routes, a crumb of drama might as well be a whole cake.

I couldn’t recommend paying full price. I think the asking price is too steep for this. Wait for a sale like I did.

The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog

I’m not a Sonic fan, so despite this being incredibly charming and well done, it didn't have any staying power in my mind. Still good fun, though. It’s rare for "joke" games to be quality, and even if I'm not the target audience, the passion was infectious enough to still enjoy it.

B-Tier

You and Me and Her

This was a solid and fun metafiction experience. Faux fourth wall breaking isn’t my preference (besides, it was already perfected in the 1971 seminal literary classic The Monster at the End of This Book), I respond better to the flavor of metafiction you’ll find in Umineko or Alan Wake, but for what You and Me and Her was going for, it's pretty well-executed. Spoilers, but having a spiteful rivalry with a fictional character is a blast.

While I had a good time, I thought You and Me and Her missed an opportunity to expand its commentary outside the scope of a fourth-wall-breaking “what-if.” Several times through my playthrough, the game felt like it was on the verge of using its premise to explore amatonormativity and heteronormatity, but it never really did, and I was left twiddling my thumbs, feeling like I was unfairly expecting too much.

On that note, however, about a month after playing this game, I read the manhwa Surviving Romance--a very different exploration of the romance genre via different mediums. But it gave me that subtle yet poignant commentary I felt was lacking from You and Me and Her, so I’m using this spot to recommend that comic. It’s super solid. Go track down and read it. It’d be up in A-Tier if I kept track of and ranked the comics I read.

It gets so lonely here

A really well-done yandere horror experience. It has pretty art, tightly written, and does some fun things with its narrative structure. If you want a solid, free-to-play, and spooky yuri VN, I highly recommend this one. Go download it.

I think this game might have ranked higher during a different year, but the cut-off between A-Tier and B-Tier had to go somewhere.

A-Tier

The Radio Wave Bureau

A short, super cool interactive fiction about fixing your computer. We’re at the point with some of these where I don’t have much to say other than “go read it,” but this game is short enough it’s hard to talk about in a way that doesn’t speak for itself. It's like twenty minutes long. I really dug it. Go play it.

Milk outside a bag of milk outside a bag of milk

A beautiful and melancholic expansion for the first game. A character piece that elevates Milk and Milk 2 to 'must read' status. It’s difficult to rank which one I prefer since both enhance each other via contrast. While I adore this game’s detailed introspection, if I had to pick a favorite, it would have to be the simplicity of--

Milk inside a bag of milk inside a bag of milk

It's another read that's only around twenty minutes long, but no other VNs have ever grabbed me by the throat with their premise alone. Both these games are incredible and vulnerable slice-of-life works. Put them on your TBR.

S-Tier

Tsukihime -A piece of blue glass moon-

I made like a hundred posts about it. What else can I say?

Arcueid’s route on its own was the best VN experience I had this year. List over. That goes at the top beyond the next two entries. Sorry, not sorry. It was a beautiful, perfected reboot of the story. I loved everything about it. It made me fall in love with Shiki and Arcueid all over again. If we count the false start back in college when I didn’t get halfway through the original VN, the two times I’ve read Tsukihime all the way through, plus the twice I’ve read the manga adaptation, this was the SIXTH time I experienced this particular story. And I cried at the end. It’s that good.

Now, if I love that route as much as I do, why, you may ask, is this entry only third place? ‘Cause Remake is only half of a remake, and it really does feel like it. Not only do we not have Far Side yet, but there’s also a whole Tsukihime-worth of new stuff, half of which hasn’t been paid off yet either, so there’s a pervasive incompleteness that isn’t really a flaw with the game, but will bug me until we get the next part. Also, I wasn’t as blown away by Ciel’s route as other fans were. It turns out it becomes more obvious that I don't relate to Shiki in Ciel’s route nearly as much as I did to him in Arcueid's once you take what was basically the last four hours of the original and expand it to an almost forty-hour new story. Still love it, btw, but it’s only a 'Really really good OMG go read it' story, instead of a modern magnum opus from Nasu (what a disappointment, am I right? lol)

Anyway, this game is a triumph that met my overhyped expectations. I can’t wait to see what Nasu and the gang have planned for in -The other side of red garden-.

The House in Fata Morgana

Welp, that’s just special, innit. Michel and Giselle have planted themselves among some of my favorite leads of all time. The entire cast is strong across all the incarnations of the house. While the first act is still good, once the narrative behind the anthology format is revealed and the whole context comes into play, it becomes a fantastic tragic romance and a beautiful rumination on evil. It almost gets a bit sanctimonious near the end, but it doesn't fall into obvious narrative pitfalls. Considering the premise of the final act, it's appropriate, so I'll give it a pass.

Yet another classic that meets the hype.

WE KNOW THE DEVIL [reread]

On a technicality, this was the best magical girl VN I read all year too.

The top three VNs were neck-and-neck for the ranking, but I gotta give it to this one. It's short, but I think on every level of intent and execution, this game's incredible. A beautiful aesthetic. A creative and haunting choice/route system. Vibes for days. There are no caveats to be found here. I can't think of anyone I wouldn't recommend this to. Read it. I'm not asking.

And that’s 2023! I’m going to try rereading Va-11 Hall-A in January now that Coffee Talk is fresh in my mind. Sometime after that, I’ll get back to 428--I feel really bad I left it hanging after the tutorial. As always, I hope to get through my downloaded backlog but I also plan on reading a few more Nitro+ games and my first AliceSoft title. Stay tuned!

[alligaytorswamp]

hello hellooo as a kaeya and a kaveh enjoyer what do you think about kaeya & kaveh friendship 🎤 me personally i became obsessed with the idea recently idk how it's like they wormed their way into my brain

wait oh my god im so cringe for never ever thinking of that.. HMMM

i feel like they could be wonderful friends 😭😭😭like they are just genuinely respectful, nice and all? lichrally just good vibes!

maybe kaveh could think kaeya is a bit sussy, maybe kaeya made some sort of teasing comment and kaveh reacted in a strong way and i think upon seeing this kaeya would actually acknowledge that there are some topics/comments that should be avoided and that perhaps kaveh just needs a more chill buddy! so they are just nice! even if they somehow don't start out perfectly! i think they both would be very friendly regardless of their first impressions, bc kaveh is just a terribly nice guy and kaeya knows how to mingle <3

and FOR SURE either of them would suggest going drinking and that's where we get The Real Besties moment, like i'm sure they would be both delighted to get a new epic drinking buddy! and they got so much to talk about, starting with just talking about their countries, fav drinks, work, whatever have u, and they are both not into sharing Actual Personal info, which kinda makes them total equals in a way? like even if either attempts asking smth and the other is being vague, they will just Get It???? and when they more friendly (and tipsy lmfao) kaveh can complain about his roommate-hell, and kaeya def would just enjoy the tea, maybe actually (when more tipsy) chime in about some asshole roommate experience (idk maybe like memories of him and diluc being annoying kids u know) .. UGH SO CUTE

overall it's just 2 hot bitches being 2 hot bitches the energy would be unreal and teyvat would fall apart

not to make everything chaeya but-

like whatever au this is but kaveh stayed around long enough to meet childe, and their interaction prolly wasn't too long, but kaeya told him some things and there are Vibes, and also like childe is a fucking 11th harbinger-

basically. kaveh realizes that chaeya aren't really just some dudes who are mildly aware of each other, oh no there is clearly way more to it (with the way they talk/look at each other), maybe one time him and kaeya drink, childe comes around, doesn't stay but pays for their drinks and says something sort of flirty to kaeya

and kaveh is like OMFG IS HE HITTING ON YOU WAIT WHY ARE YOU OK WITH IT ???

and kaeya is just like lmao idk he's like funny 😏

and kaveh judges him. kaveh is the voice of reason who is kind of concerned for his new friend is a lil scared that there is a whole as harbinger buying them drinks like is this normal

kaeya probably thinks this is funny <3

(also here chaeya aren't dating yet, just sorta into each other, and maybe kaeya is a lil in denial and trying to play it off as if he is simply accepting these little affections from childe for funsies and there is nothing to it) (kaveh can tell there is a lot to it, and also he thinks they are both insane)

[void-botanist]

Cady & Declan OTP asks 2/6

From this question list.

There are 60 questions, so I’m doing this in 10-question chunks.

Nicea taglist: @kahvilahuhut @kingkendrick7

Do either try to hide their emotions if upset? Can the other still tell? Declan's emotions are usually not that obvious in general. Cady tracks them better than most people, but still can't always tell if Declan is actually upset. On the other hand Cady does actually try to hide his emotions when they get too intense. It doesn't usually work, instead making it more obvious that something is bothering him, but he knows the longer he can stave off having a conversation about it, the more likely he'll be able to have a proper conversation about it because he's had time to think about it.

Do they have many heated arguments? How do they smooth things over? Not really. They have plenty of small disagreements, but they rarely escalate to the point of heated argument. When they do, the best thing for it is just a good cuddle.

Who’s the bigger tease? I was on the fence until the phrase "titty window" appeared in my brain, and then I knew that the answer was absolutely Cady. That's not his only way of being a tease but he does in fact own a shirt with a heart-shaped titty window in it, which he wears sometimes just because he feels like it and sometimes for tease purposes. This is the same shirt that Declan occasionally mistakes as one of his, and only realizes that mistake after he's put it on. I also should point out that Cady actually does have tits because he likes them, so he never got top surgery.

How do their personalities compliment each other? How do they clash? Cady is generally high energy, always has something that he is mildly obsessed with, and maintains a ton of social connections, while Declan is much more chill and keeps to himself. Early on they used to have more conflict about that because Cady wanted to bring Declan to parties of all different kinds and Declan was like, okay but maybe not? But in situations with only a few people, or with people he knows well, Declan is pretty fun, though without the vigor that Cady brings to everything. Before Cady's disappearance, the biggest way they clashed was Cady would have a grand idea and Declan would be like okay but are you sure about that and they would both try to convince each other of their position. In general Declan worries about Cady too much. But for the most part, they're quick to learn and accept each other's limitations, and they're both incredibly loyal to each other and want to put in the work.

Do they always say 'i love you' before leaving? Of course. Cady does it because that's what you do, because why wouldn't you? Declan also does it, but with the added fear that one day something would happen to Cady after he left the house, much like what happened when his parents died, and if that happens he wants the last thing he said to Cady to be 'I love you'. That was the case when Cady disappeared, and yet somehow it didn't really save Declan any grief. But at least he didn't have to regret the last thing he said being something bad.

Can they stay up all night just talking? Sure they can. And sometimes they almost do but inevitably someone is tired by about 1 AM and they give up or fall asleep.

Who's more likely to pull the other in by the waist and kiss them passionately? They're half and half on this one. It seems like a very Cady thing to to but never let it be said that Declan's unromantic, especially when no one else is looking.

How likely are they to have fur babies? How many and what kind? Again the problem of spending half their time in space precludes them having any kind of pet, but if that wasn't the case they'd probably have several cats and/or aquatic pets (which aren't really fur babies but are cute and quiet, Declan's favorite qualities in a pet).

How do they feel about PDA? Cady surprisingly doesn't super like PDA because it feels awkward and almost performative. But that doesn't prevent the occasional kiss or cuddle. Declan's fine with that for the most part.

Choose one song that perfectly describes their relationship. Turn To Stone by Electric Light Orchestra is the best I've found so far. But I also keep thinking about how they are that one part from Jolene: Cady is "you could have your choice of men" and Declan's "but I will never love again" (to be clear Cady doesn't want someone else, but unlike Declan he's not completely and categorically opposed to the idea).

[yandere-romanticaa]

" you've been married to him for a year now, but things have been anything but grand, in your eyes at least. how well have you settled in your marriage i wonder?"

Do you think you can write this concept from your recent post with Genshin, called "Vintage misery", with Ferid from Owari no seraph? It is just a suggestion. Take all your time!

I love everything you write! ❤️

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ vintage misery.

yandere! ferid bathory.

Ferid being married? Why I never! The sole idea of something so ludicrous leaves many folks scratching their heads but it is oddly entertaining to see someone like him being tied down to another person like that.

Ferid most likely first married you out on a whim at first because that's what humans do, right? When two people are in love their souls are bound in holy matrimony, isn't that correct? Ferid was very fond of the idea and he wanted to marry you as soon as possible!!

He's an eccentric husband, to put it mildly. One of his main love languages is physical touch and I pity you if being touched makes you uncomfortable. Acts of service are also big with him as he spoils you with all sorts of clothes and jewelery, anything that's nice and pretty is good enough for him.

It's hard to keep up with him. You never know what he's thinking and he is always testing you, always. It's also impossible to tell whether or not he's being serious or not as he just adores seeing your face twist from peace to absolute panic, it really gets his dead heart beating again. The way he just casually talks about draining a human dry sends shivers down your spine and you often wonder why he hasn't done the same with you. He is obsessed with your blood, he has made that very clear. So, why even bother keeping you around?

Insecurities eat you from the inside out which forces you to hide from him as much as you could. His icy cold touch always remains glued in your memory as you hide in your big closet, piles upon piles of endless clothes around you as tears threaten to break out at any moment now. Ferid always knows where you hide though, always. Your erratic heartbeat always gives you away. It's cute, he thinks.

He has a mean streak and he likes to make you uncomfortable... But he also gets a kick when you refer to him as your "husband". The idea of breaking you completely makes him go weak in the knees - he can't imagine doing that to you. He'll take your fear over your indifference any day. With fear he can at least tell that you acknowledge him and his presence, even if it's not positive but it is good for him. Even if you hate him, that's okay. Because love and hate are two sides of the same coin and Ferid is fine with either side, just as long as he's acknowledged.

[absintheancandle]

takes your gacha game sexymen and doesnt even realize theyre sexymen until its too late. like unironically i dont interact with fandom that much so i kinda just went 👀 and then i go on tumblr and go. ah. so they’re sexymen. that would make sense. not negatively tho. i still like em :)

yeah though heres some characterization ideas for my own personal use or somethin. au where i ignore how the games work and also they all survived and met up later for whatever reason. like a post-game au. or maybe no-game au? i havent thought aboutt it much yet.

these aren’t really supposed to be redesigns and moreso just. like. afterwards???? change up their looks a little to different amounts :)

more info under the cut + joseph’s design too that didnt really fit with the main post

okay sorry i don’t have much information that’s coherent but heres a lot of messy info dumping hehe i do personally think that aesol and andrew probably end up owning and working at a funeral home-type thing together. someone else has probably had this idea but i wouldn’t know. i think it’s cute either way.   aesol and edgars relationship is they’d fight each other in an alleyway at midnight and then go out and get 1900s mcdonalds afterwards.   luca actively collects people around him for fun i think. luca and edgar DO love each other but i honestly think edgar has difficulty properly attaching to people and having his feelings towards others actually consistent.   luca’s changed a lot mostly off of vibes. like i think he would’ve went yknow what this prison shirt actually kinda fucks. and just ends up looking like a guy that doesn’t 100% belong in his era but he literally has the same clothes that would be available at the time? not sure what to say there. ALSO i made his braces look a bit more like braces i think. looking at vintage leg braces is very fun :)!   andrew’s is mostly the same except more pink-based because it fits better i think?? instead of a purple flower he just gets to have flower patterning on his coat. also his coat is actually worn open now   aesol’s outfit is honestly inspired by his trickster costume only because like. jackets worn as capes FUCK like all hell dude come ON don’t even lie about that. also more flower patterning bc hehe yellow roses :) andrew and him are supposed to somewhat match edgar and victor have barely changed but i like the small changes i made :)   ALSO JOSEPH IS THERE . i didnt put him on the lineup bc the art style didn’t match 100% and made it look weird but here:  

giving joseph more updated clothing too? i might end up changing it more later on but. im obsessed with the idea of people from The Past getting accustomed to “modern day” (even if that modern day is. 1900). THINKS ABOUT HOW DELIGHTED HE’D BE TO SEE 1900S-MODERN CAMERA TECHNOLOGY. take your local 1830s weirdly tall debatably immortal man with no social skills clothes shopping! this will not go bad.

au where your guys weren’t in their proper dedicated games, all survived, and also decided to steal a hunter along the way. he is mildly disgruntled and upset about it but one (1) guy showed him a little bit of kindness (sat next to him and said nothing) and he went. i am following you now, actually. and aesols like. okay. sure i guess. everyone else is like WHY . WHERE DID YOU FIND HIM WAIT. WHY IS HE HERE   WH.    WHY

i don’t think it’d be like a “ohhh redemption he’s a soft guy now” because honestly like except for victor and somewhat luca, all these people are incredibly fucked up. why would He become more ~nice~ or whatever. theyre all just like “okay dont trap ME in a photograph and we’ll be fine.” and he’s like. fucking whatever. killjoy. what if you LIKED being in the photograph, huh? what then? bitch. except said in fancy 1830s words. mm also im making them all lgbt. bites you

(edit: apparently you cannot click to see a bigger version of this image. I DONT KNOW WHY?? i’ll probably post it individually later) victor: transmasc, gay, asexual (sex favourable) luca: polyam, omniro/sexual (masc-leaning) andrew: polyam, bi(?), aceflux, greyromantic. however i think these might change im not 100% sure on them mostly because like. he’s got issues that results in him just. Not Knowing Much. simply never thought about it aesol: polyam, nonbinary, transmasc, bi, asexual (sex neutral). edgar: transmasc, gay joseph is transmasc but i think it’s in a way where he simply never thought about it. like hes from the 1830s or something like. there was no Trans there was just simply going yknow what. actually. call me something else or i will Kill you because i have a sickass sword and am also part of nobility. like him and his twin are both trans and it was literally just like “you can’t do that, what about your image as nobility!” “okay but what about this sword i could stab you with.” also he’s definitely mlm but what kind? guess we’ll never know. that’s okay. he has a sword also giving andrew elhers danlos syndrome. he uses his shovel as a mobility aid sometimes without really realizing that’s what it is. he just leans on it a lot bc it makes him hurt less. they’re all mentally ill in different ways and some physically disabled and i love it!!

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Edward doesn't care so much what Bella says or thinks so long as she sits there, looks pretty, and smells delicious.

What if Bella had a very bad injury on her face? One that the origin of had nothing to do with the supernova?

God, it's only been a few days and I forget which this is from.

Regardless, allow me to amend my statement: so long as she smells delicious she's probably fine.

Now, part of what appealed to Edward later was he views her as a natural and Victorian style beauty (very waifish looking, no use of makeup, very large vulnerable looking eyes, extremely pale skin, etc.). When he does notice her, he notices her swan like neck, her flush, her lack of makeup, etc.

However, what attracts him first and foremost is the scent, and all else, all the little justifications, come long after that fact when per Alice he has realized he's in love with her. Only then, standing in her bedroom and realizing the force of his obsession, does he begin to see her as beautiful.

Before that point he finds her rather mousey and plain. Going so far as to note that she's explicitly not his type and that he's generally not a fan of dark hair or brown eyes.

Before he got a whiff, and before he had to justify his own obsession to himself, Bella Swan was only mildly above average in the looks department and nothing to write home about.

So what if we get a Bella who's even further away from Edward's ideals.

Well, he might try to convince her not to use makeup, or he might tell her she could have a better haircut, though I could see him writing these off as cute Bella quirks the way he does much of Bella's behavior that he either doesn't like or doesn't understand (there's many things in canon that make Bella 'a very silly girl').

If Bella has extreme facial scarring, then I imagine he'd come to find this a very beautiful feature as it makes her vulnerable, shows that she's been through so much already, and doesn't change the overall shape of her face (or her smell).

That's the trouble with Edward/Bella, it's very clear that it is never, in any moment, in any way, about Bella. (To be fair, it's not about Edward either, as Bella has very similar issues on her own end)

[hchollym]

Okay I just had this thought and I had to share it with you

Okay so

Percy sixth year..He really spends too much time with his "girlfriend" Penelope, I think they really liked each other, then they broke up but continued to be very good friends (but just as they didn't tell anyone they got together, they didn't tell anyone about their breakup)

Oliver doesn't like it but he is a good friend

Fred and George don't like it too.. But they are not good brothers

They think that Penny is probably the only person n the world more boring than Percy

She is ruining him

In addition, their relationship makes their captain sad (they don't really understand why) so yes they absolutely must break up.

Good

They start following them and stalking them and making jokes and trying to make them fight

And it's weird because Fred starts to think that Penny is really boring and know-it-all .. And yes sure she is cute with her blonde hair and the blue of her ravenclaw robe matches her eyes but she's also so BORING and never afraid to punish him.

Well.. All this to say that I love the idea of ​​Fred and Penelope together

Super opposites!! /

I like to think that when everyone else is settled down and Oliver and Percy are finally together and everything has worked out he still hasn't realized that he likes Penelope.

He still thinks it's mildly obsessive contempt

George either

They share a neuron after all

It is an exhausted Lee Jordan who decides he must intervene and tells them both.

And after laughter and denial, activate shock and finally acceptance.

And from here Fred Weasley begins to follow his crush throughout the school and go out of his way to win her over

Hmm, Fred x Penelope? I don't hate it!

I think Fred needs someone who is more grounded and practical to balance him out, so Penelope could be a good fit for him. In addition to that, they actually do have some things in common - we know Penelope liked Quidditch, knew a lot about brooms, and was willing to bet over a game.

I don't see it as happening during their time at Hogwarts, but I think it's certainly possible post-Hogwarts (and in an AU where Fred lives).

Thanks for the comment! 😊

[shakesposting]

Yandere Strikas

Shakes

would display kanchigai (assuming), shuuchaku (obsessive), sutokaa (stalker), potentially ison (dependent) and mousou-gata (delusive) tendencies

disclaimers:

1) this is a what-if headcanon! i don’t necessarily think he’s a yandere; if he were, this is what i think he’d be like

2) i do not condone this behavior. if you experience these tendencies, i advise you seek professional help

TW: obsession, stalking

indulgent with his fixations: footie, SL 4000, and you. he has a photo of you both, and something about it did him in

is very quickly emotionally dependent. he’s taken to Chatski since he found your contact details--spams your inbox with memes so intentionally awful they’re hilarious, and updates you first on his games, i.e. the shit any opponent coach pulls out their ass

you've accumulated an appropriate assload of inside jokes about every one of them and a handful players, and mock-speculate about their schemes/play at paranoid,, for kicks

you, about his perfume ad: “’Danger Man’s scent’ huh? reeks of Ja Nein”

him: “can’t have a salad before playing Technicali, i can’t run the risk of Tony running my game”

“but that’s what Inyo wants you to think” you say sometimes, which, lowkey, does make him reconsider

stalks you everywhere--if you’ve an account for it, he’s been on your profile--and every time he thinks to check in on you, so he doesn’t appear clingy

reads too much into your Natter posts; obsesses over those he just knows are which could be about him. he contemplates on them constantly, compulsively, but is unable to emotionally comprehend the possibility you’re instead interested in someone else--although he denies it empathically without being asked

screenshots your Instagram (or its Strikaverse counterpart) posts, careful not to double-tap on a lot of them/the ones he likes best so as not to give you, and the tabloids, “the wrong idea”. no, not a single comment from him either

stalks you offline at times, particularly when you're chilling with friends in a public space, like the mall, so he doesn’t scare you when he plays it off like it’s a coincidence you’re there too

introverted and generally dislikes being the center of attention, but will flaunt that he’s a Strika just so he gets his way with you even or especially whenever you’re with others

if your friends wouldn’t know much about soccer, he’s flexible. he’s your super nice, kinda hella hot friend as eager to hear about you--a mildly defamatory secret from when you were fourteen or so, from a childhood friend; how great a liar or writer you are from a friend who talks too much--as he’s eager to win them over. he even picks up the tab sometimes. your friends think it’s cute and that you two should go out, if they aren’t simping themselves

takes the high road with friends who know this and hate him for it, i.e. anyone who likes you too, only the dipshit’s bastardly smug about it, knowing thinking it’s him you want

you couldn’t want them, you couldn’t have smiled at them like you do at him. you couldn’t be talking to them as late as you do with him

realizes after all this, everyone else, and not without Spenza’s insistence, that he thinks about you each night and first thing in the morning, most of the time between, that everything cute or funny, fluffy or weirdly adorable reminds him of you, that he can’t get enough of you, live without you--that he likes you

opportunistic. he doesn’t plan but will always offer you excuses to stick around favors, like a ride home if he’s got his car. a reason he pals up with your friends is they’ve let him in on things involving you he wouldn’t have Xpress Access to otherwise. they’ve invited him over to your place before for board/video game or movie night, without having asked you, and he’s banking on something like it occurring again

recall the Max Power episode? yeah, he’s rummaged through your garbage. desperate times call for desperate measures

when he makes his move and if you accept, he’ll attach himself to your side and make your business his business; it isn’t a conscious scheme but it’s only a matter of time you’re as emotionally invested in him as he is in you

additional notes: read the one on Dancing Rasta, if you haven’t! Klaus is next, but feel free to request a character

[reidgraygubler]

bowling shoes (franklin/reader)

Title: Bowling Shoes

Request:  yes! It was requested by the wonderful @sunlight-moonrise​​

Couple: franklin (mgg’s role in beginner’s luck)/fem!reader

Category: smut

Content Warning:  SEXUAL CONTENT (degradation, praise kink, semi-public sex, orgasm denial, little bit of cockwarming ;), spanking, heavy petting, slight humiliation (i think), spitting, hair pulling, groping, creampie/unprotected sex, fingering, penetrative sex), dom!franklin, kissing/making-out, swearing, implied age gap (but they never specify Franklin’s age. So idk) (if i missed anything that needs to be tagged, PLEASE let me know!!)

Word Count: 4,224

Summary:  Reader is new in town and works at her grandfather’s bowling alley, where some people spend late nights practicing for the town-wide bowling competition.

A/N: The third day of my seven days of seven fics! This particular one shot has been sitting in my wip list since September 2020. And I just finally decided to write it. This was written with matthew gray gubler’s character from the short film Beginner’s Luck. If you haven’t seen it yet I highly recommend watching it bc it’s amazing and I love Franklin. I hope you’re all enjoying the 7 days 7 fics! I really cranked it out on all of these oneshots! Here is the masterlist for that! And here’s my main masterlist! Thank you all for the love and support!  

{***}{***}{***}

Little Falls… I never understood this town's love for bowling… and I probably never will… It’s probably a good thing that I moved from Little Falls before I got old enough to actually learn how to bowl, mostly because if I did, and I didn’t bowl, I’d probably be chased out of town with a crowd of pitchforks and torches.

So, it’s probably an even better thing that I just work at the town’s precious bowling alley. But, to be fair… This alley has been in the family since it opened. 

Long story short, I hate bowling. I just needed extra cash, and my grandfather just so happens to pay me extra. Not because I’m fami-No that’s exactly why...

“You are busting my balls here!” A man shouted from the lanes. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked in that direction, looking for the owner of the shouts. I gently placed the pair of shoes down on the counter before walking around to the lanes. “You can’t be serious!” A guy wearing a yellow bowling shirt was shouting down the lane he was standing on. 

“Is… Is everything okay?” I leaned against the half-wall beside me. I propped my arms on top of the wall as I looked at him. I looked across the tables behind the lanes and noted there was only one other person, who was watching the man with such intent I was sure they’d kill him. “It’s just you playing,” I half-laughed at the guy. He spun around on his toes and pointed a finger at me. I tried to not take it as accusatory, but everything in my body was telling me he meant it as such.

“I would have gotten that pin down if it wasn’t for you,” he half-shouted at me. I lifted my hands as some form of surrender as I stepped down to the lanes. The guy in the yellow bowling shirt looked at me and cocked his head. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I just came down here to see if everything was alright… And if it was, I was just going back to work… Cleaning smelly rental, bowling shoes,” I gestured back towards the counter where a pile of rental shoes was sitting, waiting to be cleaned. “I just heard all the shouting down here and wanted to make sure someone wasn’t fighting with the balls,” I shrugged as I looked up at him. My joke about the balls was only mildly humorous if you knew that there were only 3 people in total in the alley. Myself, the angry stranger, and his unusual friend.

Glasses that kinda reminded me a little of Jeffery Dahmer sat on the tip of his nose, and just under his nose was a porn-stache. And the way he styled his hair just looked like a mop sitting on his head. But there was something, I don't know, attractive (I guess it was attractive) about this man. A certain handsomeness that I couldn’t exactly describe. 

“No, no, no one was fighting with the balls,” he spoke as he stepped closer to me. He looked down at me with a smile before resting both his hands on my shoulder. I sighed deeply as I stared up at him. “Now, go, run along… You said you have rental shoes to clean,” he smiled as he turned me around to face the 3 steps behind us. 

“Hold on,” I stepped away from him and turned back to face him. I had to crane my neck up to meet his stare, him being nearly a foot taller than me. “I can easily kick you out of here,” I scoffed as I looked at his shirt, finally noticing the patch sewn into the pocket of his shirt. The name Franklin was stitched into the patch with black thread in a fancy script. “Franklin,” I looked up at him and smiled. The cocky and smug expression on his face faltered for a moment as he looked at me. 

“Oh, aren’t you’re so cute,” he brought his hands to rest on my cheeks before squeezing them together, pushing my lips out. “You’re new in town, aren’t you?” he asked as he cocked his head to look down at me. I couldn’t exactly answer with my words, so I just nodded lightly. My eyes never left his face, and his never left mine.

“There’s just one thing you’re missing then. I own this place. This bowling alley... Is mine,” he kept his voice low as he spoke and the smugness returning, “Do you understand, Sunshine,” he asked, the condescension in his tone really coming out with the pet name he used. I tried to laugh and shake my head before I pulled away from his grasp. I stumbled back, nearly falling over the steps behind me.

“Since when are you my grandpa?” I asked, cocking my head to my shoulder. I could feel a teasing smile grow on my lips as I looked at him. His face shifted from being very smug to being shocked. “Yeah, bet you didn’t see that one coming… Did ya, Franklin,” I smiled at him. 

Franklin stepped back away from me but kept his stare on my face. “You’re not Hank’s grandkid. I would know when his grandkid would be here,” he pointed at me as he backed away from me. I snickered and shrugged.

“Well, you’d be wrong,” I smiled as I folded my arms over my chest. Franklin looked over his shoulder at his companion, seeking some sort of backup. But it was clear that she had no intentions in answering, she was far too busy just admiring him. How did he not see this as uncomfortable and wrong? 

“Aw, now you’re intimidated by the bowling alley girl? I don’t even bowl,” I scoffed before pulling my eyes off him, “I just work here,” I laughed. Franklin looked genuinely offended by my statement. Again, I don’t understand this town’s love for bowling.

“I’m sorry… What did you just say?” he looked at me and furrowed his eyebrows. Oh, I really did offend him… Do I feel sorry? Not really...

“Oh, yeah, you heard that right. It’s stupid. And, frankly, Franklin, I don’t understand how a town so quaint is so obsessed with throwing a ball at some plastic things,” I wrinkled my nose and shook my head. He stepped closer to me, and for the briefest of moments, I wasn’t sure what he was going to do. And suddenly a tension was in the air between us. It was suffocating. “Did I make you mad? Did I piss poor Fwankwin off,” I furrowed my eyebrows and pouted, "Did I huwt your feewings," my head falling back as I broke into a fit of laughter.

“Be quiet,” Franklin scoffed as he stared at me. I felt my smile become a little smug as I looked up at him. 

“Oh? Really? Why don’t you make me?” I shrugged and stepped closer to him. We were so close, breathing each other’s air. One step from either of us and our chests would be pressed together. Our toes, however, were touching. His rented bowling shoes barely standing on my canvas shoes. 

That was when the air tensed even more. But, the level of tension shifted from an awkwardness… to a certain awkward-sexual tension. I personally loved it because he’s a dick. Men like him need to be messed with. Plus, I’m bored...

“Is that what you want me to do?” his voice was lower than before. My smile fell away and I swallowed roughly. I could feel my heart in my throat, cutting off any words I wanted to say. “Oh, I see how it is. All that snark and attitude is fake. Because the second someone… An older man, maybe, says something… It goes away,” he smirked as he slowly brought a hand to my face. I went to move my face away from his touch, but failed when he forced me to look at him.  

“You’re a brat,” he whispered as he kept his eyes on me. A shiver went down my spine and I had to press my legs together, slightly shifting my feet. I stared at him with wide eyes, feeling my breathing pick up slightly. 

And the moment was ruined before I even got the chance to say something. It seemed as if we both had forgotten something. Rather, someone. 

“We should get going, Franklin,” a voice asked from behind him. 

“Fuck,” he muttered as he closed his eyes and pulled his hand from my face. It was obvious we both forgot that someone else was here. We were both so involved with each other that we just forgot about his companion. After a brief moment of awkward silence, he opened his eyes and looked at me, sighing deeply before speaking.

"I'm gonna be here late. You should just go home," Franklin spoke to his companion but kept his eyes strictly on me. His friend looked up at him like he was some sort of celebrity. I wasn’t exactly sure why she was staring at him like that. He wasn’t a god or anything. Unless he was, then I’d be screwed.

"It's okay. I can wait,” she smiled as she longingly looked at him. I looked back at Franklin before nodding to his friend. I’m starting to think she wasn’t even a friend of his… just a creepy and overly-devoted fan. I don’t think Franklin even noticed her obsession. “I’ll always wait for you, Franklin,” she murmured. I shifted on my foot before I stepped back.

“Bomber,” he spoke, turning to look at her. He looked down at her, his eyes telling her to leave. I only know that because Bomber (I suppose that’s her name) gathered her things and quickly left the alley. “Sorry, now where were we, Sunshine?” 

“Your friend seems nice,” I muttered, looking away from him for a brief moment. Franklin scoffed out a laugh before shaking his head.

 “She’s not a friend, just a teammate,” his voice was low as he brought a hand back to my face. Part of me was expecting him to be gentle, and I’m not really sure why I thought that. So when he jerked my head back up to look at him, I was left in shock. “But, that wasn’t where we left off. Bomber’s gone now,” he dropped his head down and looked at me through his eyelashes. 

“Which means we’re alone now,” I whispered as I kept my eyes on him. He smiled and nodded lightly before bringing my face closer to his.

“Now you’re getting it,” he returned the whisper before harshly pressing his lips to mine. I couldn’t help but moan as he pulled me closer to his body. It was so hard to keep my focus on the world around us. My knees carefully buckled beneath me. If it weren’t for Franklin, I probably would have fallen to the ground. He stood his ground firm, like he was a brick wall in the wind, keeping me upright as I almost fell to the ground. 

He moved his face away from mine, but we were still close enough to feel each other’s breath. Franklin moved his free hand to my hip before carefully pushing it past the waistband of my pants. My body shifted slightly, trying to get more of his touch against me.

“The… The door,” I whispered, my eyes going to the door. Although, I truthfully didn’t care too much about the door and it being unlocked. The bowling alley closes in 5 minutes anyways.

“Who cares about the fucking door,” he muttered. I instantly looked back at him, feeling a whimper work its way out of my mouth. Franklin smiled as he moved his hand against the flimsy cotton blocking his hand from where I wanted it most. 

“Please,” I whispered, moving my hips against his hand. I hated the way he smiled. Mostly because it only further turned me on.

“Ohh, you’re such a needy slut. So wet and I’ve barely done anything,” he whispered as he squeezed my cheeks again. “You’ll get what you want, in due time,” he smiled. He pushed my underwear to the side and carefully moved his fingers between my folds. I couldn’t help myself as I ground down on his hand.

“Franklin,” I whimpered, my eyebrows furrowing slightly. He smirked, watching as I struggled for a moment. His finger slowly moving around the sensitive bud at the apex of my legs. My hands quickly held his arms, I was worried I’d fall if I didn’t hold onto him. My legs and knees became more and more wobbly as time passed.  

“Don’t cum till I tell you you can, Pretty Girl,” he whispered and pouted, “how about you open that pretty little mouth of yours, Sunshine,” he whispered, moving one of his hands to rest on my chin. I widened my eyes and took a deep breath.

I kept my eyes on him, a shaky breath leaving me, as I slowly opened my mouth and stuck my tongue out. Franklin smiled slightly before holding my cheeks and spitting right onto my tongue. He nudged my mouth shut, forcing me to hold his spit in my mouth for a moment. I had to force myself not to gag as I held his spit before swallowing it. 

“What a good little whore,” Franklin cooed, cocking his head to his shoulder. I took a shaky breath as his movements in my pants picked up pace. “You enjoyed that, didn’t you?” his eyebrows furrowing slightly as he looked at me. I wanted to have a snarky reply, I really did. But I swear to god, my mouth and body betrayed me because an honest to god moan came from me. 

“Oh, you certainly did enjoy that,” he laughed as his movements in between my legs quickened. I looked up at him with wide eyes as a familiar tension grew in my abdomen.

But instead of saying anything else, he just put his mouth over mine, swallowing whatever sounds emitted from my mouth. He smiled, clearly enjoying my mild suffering. 

My body struggled to move, almost missing the sign of Franklin moving. On wobbly legs, my feet carried me backwards, and with Franklin's guidance, up the steps. My arms were wrapped around his neck to keep close to him. 

I was so close, I could feel the tension about to snap within me. The noises that were coming from me were becoming more desperate the closer I got to the snap. Franklin didn't seem bothered by my sounds at all. In fact, he was amused. 

He was so amused, that when he pulled his hands from my pants and pushed me over the counter, he laughed when I cried out. I wasn't sure the sound was from annoyance from him stopping, or from shock from being pushed down over the counter. His hand was firmly placed on my back, keeping me in place.

“What was that for!?” I shouted, trying to stand back up, only to be forced back down by Franklin, “You better do something better than leaving me high and dry! I swear to God!” I shouted as I wiggled my butt into his crotch. A certain hardness pressed into my butt and leg, causing me (and Franklin) to hold back a groan. Franklin’s hand was still around my waist, planted firmly on my hip to hold me against him. “Please, just fuck me already! Fuck!” I shifted my feet a bit and tightly pressed my thighs. 

“Oh, no you don’t,” Franklin laughed as he shoved his knee between my legs, blocking his foot between mine to keep my legs apart more, “If you’re going to finish, you’re gonna finish on my cock. You got that, Sunshine?” he groaned as he pressed his front into my butt more. I bit my lips together, nodded and whined, hoping that was a good enough answer. “Uh huh, use your words, Sunshine. Do you understand that?” he asked as he leaned closer to my ear.

“Yes! Yes, I understand! Please,” I whimpered as his grip loosened on my hip and moved to the button of my jeans. I let out a deep relieved sigh as my jeans fell to the ground around my ankles. Although my moment of relief and excitement was cut short by a loud crack in the air, and a sudden pain on my bottom. 

“Fuck!” I gasped once I finally regained the ability to talk and breathe. My chest began heaving as my body started to get more worked up. The sudden smack on my ass went straight to my core, causing me to involuntarily moan. Franklin laughed lightly, and I could just see him shaking his head in amusement.

“What do you want, Sunshine?” Franklin asked, his voice low, lower than before. I swallowed roughly before lifting my head slightly.

“Fuck me,” I whispered, trying hard to look over my shoulder at him. His glasses were slipping down his nose, and his hair was covering his eyes. His tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth and swept across his lower lip.

“Wrong,” he muttered before striking my butt again. A pleased shriek fell from my lips as I dropped my head down to the counter. “What do you want,” 

“Franklin, please,” my words were soft as my breathing got rougher, “Fuck me, please, do… Do whatever you-you want… To me,” my statement was punctuated by another strike on my ass. A mix of a cry and a moan escaped my lips as he gently rubbed the sore spot on my bottom. But it was only a moment before he smacked my other butt cheek. 

“Do it again! Please,” I pulled my lower lip between my teeth. I waited for his hand to make contact with my bare bottom again, but instead, I got nothing. I sucked in a deep breath before letting out a soft whimper, “Please,” I begged as I swayed my hips slightly from side to side. I hoped my begging would have given me what I wanted. But at this point, I’m not sure what I wanted more, to be fucked by him, or to be spanked by him over, and over again.

After he spanked my butt for the 6th time, Franklin’s hand grazed over each cheek before lightly dragging his fingers over my core. 

“You’re so wet, Sunshine,” he whispered as he moved his fingers over my cunt. Any response I thought I had gone out the window when he pushed two fingers into my entrance. So, I guess my response came in as a moan. “Fuck,” he groaned with pleasure.  

I was in trouble. He knew that too. The way he was playing with me, toying with me to get even the slightest reaction. Trying to get me as close as possible, without actually getting me over the edge. But whenever he curled his fingers just right, or just slightly touched my clit. 

“I-I’m so close,” I cried, my body moving closer to him. Franklin laughed again as he pulled his hand away from my body. This was the first time tonight that he wasn’t touching me. His hands were away from me, and as I tried to move closer to him I found nothing.

“Stay still, I want to remember this moment,” Franklin muttered as he rested a hand on my lower back, “Are you ready, Sunshine,” he asked, his tone seemed gentle. I swallowed roughly and nodded.

“Mmm-hmm, yes,” I nodded, feeling my hair move around before finally falling around my face. My body shivered as the sound of his zipper went down. And my body jerked once his hands were on my hips. 

I folded my arms on the counter. But what I should have done was brace myself against it in a better way. My body’s excitement was getting the better of me, and I could feel myself stray from the counter, and slowly towards his body.

“Stay still,” he muttered as he pushed me closer to the counter. My lungs ceased to function as I felt him rub the head of his cock against my slit. I choked back a moan and pressed  my lips together. And then he slowly began pushing into my entrance.

“Oh god,” I cried, pressing my face into my arms. 

“Name’s Franklin, but God works just fine,” he laughed behind me as he slowed his entrance. I gasped as he stopped, before slamming fully into me in one go. I couldn’t stop the shout that came from the pit of my stomach.

Once we were both used to each other, he started moving, his hips quickly finding a rhythm we were both pleased with. The silent room was quickly occupied by the grunts or moans from its only two occupants, and the sound of skin hitting skin.

I slowly lifted my head, looking out at the bowling alley. Is it bad that I didn’t think that this was weird or bad? That I was being fucked over the counter by a guy I just met? What would my grandfather think if he ever knew about this? Good thing he was never going to find out.

Franklin wrapped my hair around his hand before pulling me back up so my back was flush against his chest. His movements stilled, his hips pressed against mine as he stayed totally in me. My body froze like ice as I tried to take a deep breath. My senses were suddenly overwhelmed, and I honestly loved it. 

“Fuck,” I cried, pushing my hips against him to get some sort of relief. But I only groaned as he wrapped an arm around my waist to keep me still as well. “Please,”

“So greedy, so filthy,” Franklin groaned as he buried himself deeper into me. I whimpered as I bit my lips. The bitter, metallic taste of blood found its way to my tastebuds. “How does that feel? Does it feel good,” his voice was so low, nearly a growl in my ear. I sucked in a deep breath of air, slowly turning my face to look at him. “Just holding my cock in you?” he asked before pressing his lips harshly to the side of my face. 

“I… I do…” I spoke quickly and in a harsh whisper. My muscles clenched around him, wanting something to give me help for my finish. While Franklin kept his lips pressed to the side of my face, while his hands were otherwise preoccupied. One hand was holding one of my breasts, gently kneading at it. While the other was between my legs, slowly moving around my sensitive bundle of nerves.

“Fuck, please move,” I whimpered, pressing my shoulder into his shoulder a bit more. Franklin removed his hand from my chest before gently pushing me back over the counter. I let out a pleased moan once he started moving his hips again. It only took a matter of moments before the tension in me snapped, sending me over the edge. My vision turned white, and my hands balled into fists, my nails would cause indentations in my palms once my hands relaxed.

And, after a few more faulty thrusts into me, Franklin finished close behind me. His body hunched over mine, his hands holding himself up on the counter beside me. Neither of us wanted to move, still trying to calm down from what just happened. But also, the mess to follow once he finally stepped away from me. 

“I didn’t know I needed that,” I truthfully stated. Franklin laughed before standing upright. I’d be lying if I said I wanted him to step away from me. So when he eventually did, I held back the whimper. 

“Paper towels?” he asked as he fixed himself back into his pants. I swallowed roughly as I blindly pointed towards where I was cleaning the rental bowling shoes. He stepped away from me, going to grab the things he sought after. 

The mixture of the two of us slowly leaked down my inner thigh, and I just knew that mess would not be fun to clean, now or later. When Franklin returned and wiped a damp paper towel up my thigh, I jumped. 

“Did you enjoy that?” I asked as he helped me stand up straight. My legs and knees were so shaky, I almost fell. He wrapped his arms around me to keep me upright. I only struggled a little bit to pull my jeans and underwear back up, but I was very relieved when they were back around my waist.

“I had a great time,” he laughed. I swallowed roughly before stepping back away from him. I hoisted myself up so I was sitting on the counter, only to let out a sharp cry and jump off the counter. How the fuck did I forget about the pain on my ass?

“Did it feel like winning?” I asked, feeling a smile grow on my lips. Franklin looked up at me with a sly smile, cocking his head to his shoulder.

“I always win in this bowling alley, Sunshine,” he muttered as he stared at me. I blinked slowly. “Except for that one time. But every time after… Always a win,”

if you want to be a part of a taglist or have any comments about this one shot, let me know here

[sekceesimps]

HxH Domestic Fluff Headcannons

these are just some cute and fluffy (kinda spicy?) head cannons for Feitan, Hisoka, and Chrollo with a fem!reader

a/n   please send in requests and feedback. I love doing head cannons and really want to improve my writing for y’all,

sincerely Coffee

Chrollo Lucilfer

-  Chrollo would have never thought that he’d settle down with someone. In truth, he’s still surprised that he did. It’s not that he doesn’t love you, he would kill for you, but he’s surprised that you managed to stick with him for this long

-  This sexy man loves you so much

- he's never really felt this strongly about anyone in his whole life. He’d usually just fuck someone to get what he needs and then get the hell out of there. Honestly, he didn’t think he needed anyone being the busy leader that he is

- With you he feels so many more unfamiliar and strong emotions. He knew a few months into being in a relationship that he wanted to marry you, he was very sure about you being the one. 

- However, this level of love only comes due to how much trust he has in you. At the beginning of your relationship it was dishonest for him. He had a mask, but that didn’t protect him from the eventual feelings he developed. It took him a bit of time to drop his guard, but once that happens he’s all yours. 

- He doesn’t admit it, but he loves it when you call him your husband. Having a ring on your finger makes him feel more secure that you truly belong to him too. that possessive mf 

- you’d have the be very patient and accepting of him and his line of work. He still goes about his spider business, even after marriage, although he tries to make it less obvious now, for your own peace of mind. 

- He enjoys coming home to you cooking a beautiful meal and waiting for him on the couch. No one in his life has ever put as much thought and effort into things for him as you do. 

- Will still spoil you. Your gaze lingering on that bracelet in the store too long? it’s already wrapped up and on the bed for you. 

- If he thinks he pissed you off even a little bit, he’ll try to give you something as an apology. You don’t really care, preferring to just be with him. 

- morning kisses! You’ll often find yourself waking up to him kissing you on your forehead, neck, and cheeks. He loves seeing you blush and act shy when he does this 

- these morning kisses will have a 50/50 chance of leading to more. it’s usually lazy and sensual, but it’s what both of you need before heading off to the shower together and then taking care of the day’s events. 

- He loves cuddling so much, it’s insane. He might act like he’d be the big spoon, but that’s just not happening. You’ll be watching a movie together at night and he’ll be making himself comfortable with his back against your chest. In truth, Chrollo loves being held by you 

- Don’t get me wrong, he’s still going to be topping you like 80% of the time, but he really loves just taking in your warmth and the comfort you give him. Coming from Meteor City, he’s never felt as safe as when you’re holding him. 

- Likes burying his face into your hair and just inhaling your scent. It’s so intoxicating for him. 

- Sometimes when you two are sitting in bed he’ll read to you or let you read over his shoulder. You two would probably be reading the same literature and talking about it as a nice calm activity together.  

- He’s never really considered a family before, but after marriage he’d go into a slight baby fever. he 100% has a breeding kink 

- He saw you holding a family member’s young child once and something in him definitely changed. You don’t mind though. One kid would definitely not be enough for him. 

- Overall, a married Chrollo continues to pamper you and will always see you as his whole world. The amount of trust and love he has for you will only grow through the years. 

Hisoka Morow

- Honestly, Hisoka isn’t settling down with anyone seriously anytime soon, but for the right person he would perhaps put in some effort in his own way

- that being said, if he does ever get into a serious relationship he’d be like a house cat. 

- you’ll be doing chores around the house and he’d come behind you for attention until you stop doing the dishes and cuddle with him

- With Hisoka, he’s either always giving you affection or will be ignoring you. There is truly no in between

- don’t go seeking attention and kisses. If you initiate he’ll be mildly annoyed and won’t indulge you. He is a massive tease and will start initiating affection at the worst times

- you’re busy with work? Too bad. He’s horny and wants to take you on the desk right now. trying to fold the clothes from the dryer? you better do it with his arms wrapped around your waist and him breathing down your neck. 

- His method of affection will be neck kisses and hands wrapped around your waist. He’s not too into holding hands or cuddling. 

- He has a weird obsession with calling you sickly sweet pet names until you get annoyed. he definitely won’t stop even if you get pissed off by it

- dates with him are also truly something else. He’s pretty clueless about what normal couples do. Some dates can be sweet, with him taking you to an expensive dinner or a romantic walk around town. Other times they be weird, with him taking you to a random abandoned lot and making out with you for an hour. 

- Hisoka is incredibly possessive in public. He’ll be clutching onto you if anyone starts looking and flirting with you. you are HIS and it pisses him off that someone doesn’t realize this. 

- which is exactly why he likes the idea of marrying you. He can make it official that you belong to him. PDA will increase so much after you get married.

- He also leaves way more hickies on your neck. He loves to make sure people know that you are his. 

- When you two are getting ready in the mornings he’ll teach you how to apply makeup. Always gets the best stuff for you, he steals it sometimes, but he pretends he doesn’t know. Seriously though, he’s great with hair styling and tries to teach you all his tricks.  

- This sexy clown will be a shitty gift giver. He forgets some important dates, but makes up for it with hastily bought presents. also eats you out as an apology

- He’s pretty stubborn, so when you get into real arguments don’t expect him to beg for you back. He’s going to be pouty and ignore you. All you have to do though is ignore him back and eventually he gets frustrated enough to pin you against something and fuck you right there. 

- He refuses to have kids. That’s just not his style. He’d rather you and him had an easy to maintain pet that doesn’t require much work

- If you do end up getting pregnant, he’ll be displeased and most likely won’t alter any of his actions. He warms up to the idea later on, but initially it’s pretty rough getting him on board the idea of a family 

- Hisoka is a strange lover to be married to, but he does love and care for you in his own ways. 

Feitan Portor

- Don’t expect many words from him. If you want to hear “I Love You” and other words of comfort, it would be incredibly rare and only ever when he’s really tired and not quite in control of his demeanor.

- He would only want to settle down with you if you were self reliant. He’s not always going to be there so you need to take care of yourself

- You would probably also be a Spider or some form of assassin/hunter. He needs to be able to know that you can take down enemies when he’s not with you. You being able to beat down enemies turns him on so much.  

- Feitan also probably sees marriage as an unnecessary formality. You’d probably be dating for a while, so why do you need a piece of paper telling you how much you love each other? If you wanted it though, he wouldn’t protest too much.

- He’s not COMPLETELY devoid of emotions though. He still loves you very much. His form of affection comes from small changes in his body language and the little things he does

- He will remember important dates and occasionally give a word of praise on those days. This lack of affection is definitely not because he doesn’t love you, but rather because he just does not know what to do when it comes to romance

- His form of romance also comes in more romantic sex. We all know that Feitan is a kinky mf, but after being with you for so long, he mellows out a bit. He worships your body however you want as his main form of reassurance

- Sometimes with urging from the rest of the Troupe he tries to bring you things you’d enjoy. Will get you some form of matching clothing or maybe a practical knife. 

- He actually gets you a cat on your birthday. He’ll act like he didn’t plan it, but he knew you wanted to take care of something while he was gone. Pretends he hates the cat, but they’re really similar and get along well.  

- Due to his background and upbringing, trusting and physical contact is foreign and unnatural to him. It would take a lot of time together and loving nights for him to finally let you cuddle and have him kiss you often

- After you two break that barrier he can’t stop holding your hand, touching your waist, giving you forehead kisses. he is so touch starved, give him love

- Will probably never seriously consider children. In your lines of work it would be too dangerous with not much of a benefit. That being said though, if you do end up getting pregnant he won’t protest too hard

- The kid will end up growing on him though. He definitely doesn’t want more though, one is more than enough for him. Will secretly find it adorable when his son or daughter calls him dad. He will teach your kid how to torture and interrogate someone in 10 minutes. 

- He loves the family you two have and wouldn’t trade it for the world. Be patient with him and he would take a bullet for you 

part 2??

[kopikokun]

Beach Day Blues༄ l.dh

↳ Out on a day trip to the beach with your boyfriend and his friends, you’re anticipating a fun time filled with sunny memories and sand filled swimsuits. What you’re not expecting is the cold shoulder from your usually happy-go-lucky boyfriend, but you’re going to get to the root of this issue, even if it’ll kill you.

pairing: lee donghyuck x reader ft. yuta, mark & jaehyun

content: fluff, beach day, reverse comfort fic, jealousy fic, very mildly suggestive ending

word count: 2053 words

Request 36: Haechan + “I need a hug.” (42) + “You’re cute when you’re angry.” (47) + “You own my heart.” (59) + Jealousy

← BACK TO NAVI.

— 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝.

Perhaps you’re being delusional. Perhaps you’re just dehydrated or, maybe, you rationalise, the scalding rays of the evening Sun have burned not only your skin but your brain cells too (if there were any to begin with). Maybe all of this is just in your head and you’re overthinking it.

    “Hey,” someone hisses, “is it just me or is Donghyuck giving you the cold shoulder?”

    At the question, or rather observation, your head swivels an almost sharp 90 degrees to stare Yuta straight in the eyes. “So, it wasn’t just me thinking that!”

    Yuta chuckles. “Yeah, he definitely seems off…” He peers at Donghyuck discreetly from beneath his sunglasses before turning back towards you. “Did you guys get into a fight or something?”

    “A fight? No way!” You pause, suddenly doubting yourself. “At least, I don’t think so…”

    Though you’re confident in your verdict of innocence regarding a fight, Yuta’s question prompts you to briefly run through the events of the day. To preface things, you, your boyfriend, Donghyuck, and a few of your friends—namely, Yuta, Jaehyun and Mark—had decided around half a month ago to clear up one day in advance for a ‘beach day’ this week. The idea had sprung after someone had brought up how nice and sunny the weather had been lately, and everyone just unanimously came to the conclusion that sunny weather equals beach day.

     You had begun packing for this trip a few days ahead to the surprise of everyone including yourself, which is a testament to your overwhelming excitement, because you rarely--if ever--pack that early for just a single day trip. But who can blame you? This would be your first official trip with Donghyuck. No, you should rephrase that. This would be your first official trip with Donghyuck as your boyfriend. You’ve been on plenty of trips before when you two were just ‘friends’, but now--and maybe this is the romanticist in you which you’ve successfully kept stored away up until recently speaking--it just feels different. You’re sure someone out there can relate, because you’ve never been one to obsess over something as feeble as a label, yet this trip has had your stomach in knots for ages.

  The packing process had gone smoothly--neither you nor Donghyuck had forgotten anything--and so had the car ride over. As far as you can recall, your day at the beach so far has gone without a hitch too. You’d had a little picnic, dipped in the oddly warm sea, played some beach volleyball (badly) and gotten some icecream afterward. No fights, no issues, no nothing.

   Maybe, you think, he found out I was involved in that little switch up with the sea water. You don’t entertain the idea for too long though immediately casting it away, because you know Donghyuck would never be the type to get so upset over a prank.

    So, why the attitude?

    You gaze at Donghyuck’s back, hoping that this mystery might just unravel itself if you stare long enough.

    “Huh…” Yuta’s voice tears you from your zealous staring competition with Donghyuck’s shoulders. “Then I wonder what’s up…”

    You sigh. You know you should confront him and have a mature conversation about what’s bothering him, but that’s so much easier said than done. Maybe this is God’s way of punishing you for ridiculing all those scenes in cheesy teen flicks where the couple would experience a major fall-out because of poor communication. During said scenes, you’d be pulling your hair out, internally screaming at the couple to just freaking talk already, yet now that you’ve been presented this obstacle for you to overcome yourself, you’re erring on the side of caution.

    Come on, you reason, I’ve been friends with Donghyuck for over half-a-decade and we’ve gotten into our fair share of arguments during those five years. What’s so different about now?

    Yeah, you’re right. You find yourself agreeing with your own thoughts, physically nodding along like you’re speaking to someone. Yuta raises a concerned eyebrow at you. Nothing’s different compared to then. You’re doing it again. He’s just my boyfriend, and that’s just a label. Stop. Obsessing. Over. Labels.

    Admittedly, it’s a bit embarrassing having to psyche yourself up to do this, but that’s not what’s important right now. What’s important is that little pep-talk, no matter how laughable it sounded, has gotten you to stand and saunter to Donghyuck with utmost confidence. In hindsight, you should’ve said something to Yuta beforehand instead of just springing from your seat and marching away. The thought hadn’t crossed your mind though, as it was obviously preoccupied with something arguably much more important than giving him the luxury of context.

    You decide not to be too transparent about your feelings at first as you take a seat beside Donghyuck on the sand, leaning your head on his shoulder, hoping that all of this was really just your imagination getting the best of you. You silently plead that he’ll perhaps treat you like he normally would, giving you a little peck on the cheek or at least wrapping his arm around your waist. Unfortunately, your hopes are smothered just as quickly as they arise because Donghyuck doesn’t even bat an eye at you, continuing to chat with Jaehyun and flat-out ignoring your presence. Still optimistic for a reaction, you leave a chaste kiss to his bare shoulder, just to let him know that “Hey, I’m here!”, but to no avail. Infuriatingly, he doesn’t even flinch. All he does is drone on to Jaehyun about something you couldn’t care less about.

    You huff. Audibly. A last ditch effort in vying for Donghyuck’s attention. It goes just as well as your previous attempts. You cross your arms, glaring at the side of Donghyuck’s stubborn little head, hoping to bore a deep hole through his brain. Maybe then he’ll finally take notice of you. Sensing the undeniable tensity in the air, Jaehyun clears his throat awkwardly, offering Donghyuck some lame excuse about needing to take a piss, before shuffling away. Well, at least someone knows how to take a hint.

    With Jaehyun’s departure, you’re left alone with Donghyuck. Usually, he’d be leaping to drown you in affection the second you two had privacy--or even if you two didn’t, to be frank--but all he does now is fiddle with the strings of his swimming shorts absentmindedly.

    “What’s wrong, Hyuck?” you finally ask, desperate to break this frustratingly suffocating silence. “Is something wrong?”

    Finally, after what seems like centuries, Donghyuck acknowledges your existence, though the look he gives you is not a pleasant one. In fact, it’s one of agitation. His tongue prods at his inner cheek before he says, tone bitter, “I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?”

    Evidently taken aback, you crease your eyebrows at him. “I… Did I do something wrong, babe?”

    “Oh, come on,” he scoffs, scornful amusement overtaking his normally amiable features. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know. You can just come out and say it.”

    “Say what, Hyuck?”

    “How much more you’re into Mark than into me,” Donghyuck says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

    You can’t help but laugh, simply bewildered as to how on Earth he came to this conclusion. “I’m into who now?”

    “Mark,” Donghyuck rolls his eyes, “don’t have to pretend like you’re surprised.”

  “I’m not into--” you sigh, a smile of disbelief tugging at your lips. “Okay, tell me why you think I’m into Mark.”

    “I don’t think. I know,” Donghyuck argues and you scoff, “but it’s obvious. And I have proof. Take when we were playing volleyball for instance. The whole time, you kept eyeing Mark up and laughing at his jokes. All of them. Even the weird ones that nobody gets.”

    You snort. “Baby… I wasn’t ‘eyeing Mark up’, I was watching him just in case he missed the ball. And about the joke thing, to his credit, some of them were actually pretty funny! But, as for the the rest--and don’t tell Mark I said this--I felt kinda bad nobody else laughed at them, so I just laughed along with him. Trust me, I’ve been in his shoes before and it sucks. Not all of us are born as naturally as funny as you, Hyuck.” You’re a little remorseful that you’re essentially dissing Mark, but you’re sure he’d understand. Your relationship’s on the line here.

    Donghyuck harrumphs, but you can tell by the slight quirk of his lip that he’s a little tickled by you poking fun at Mark and he’s totally been swayed by your compliment.

    “Okay, fine that explains that, but how about when we went swimming just now? Why did you and Mark keep exchanging funny looks?”

    “That?” You giggle. “You know how your drink was mysteriously replaced by seawater?”

    “Yeah,” he trails off, his suspicion growing by the second.

    “Who do you think that was?”

    Donghyuck groans. “Wait, that was you? Seriously? That was mean, babe.”

  “Aww, I know, Hyuck. I’m sorry,” you coo. Your hand inches its way closer to his as you attempt to intertwine your fingers together.

    Donghyuck rejects your endeavour of fondness. “Nu-uh, no way. I’m not done with you yet.”

    “Oh my God, Hyuck, there’s more?” you complain, though there’s a tint of amusement in your voice.

    “Yes, there’s more, and you won’t be able to worm your way out of this one either,” he says smugly, as if it’d be a good thing if you in fact, couldn’t worm your way out of his next accusation. “How about when we went to get ice cream and you kept sliding up next to him?”

    You pout. “I just wanted to try the watermelon popsicle he got.”

    Donghyuck blinks at you, his once irritated expression dissolving. He seems dumbfounded as you hold his gaze, your mirthful smile never faltering. He turns away from you. “Oh, well… then whatever. I guess you aren’t into Mark.”

    “Hyuck,” you say, hand crawling up his arm, “were you jealous?”

    “Well, yeah, obviously,” he deadpans, still refusing to meet your gaze.

    You giggle. “You’re cute when you’re angry.”

    His cold facade is immediately abandoned at your teasing intonation, and just like that, your cheery Hyuck is back. “Baby,” he whines, readjusting himself so he’s facing you head-on, “don’t tease me. I couldn’t help but be jealous, you know?”

    “And why is that?”

    Donghyuck purses his lips. “Why? What do you mean why?” He gestures up and down, eyes sweeping over you. “Look how pretty you are! What am I supposed to do when you look this good all the time? It’s unfair, really, that you’re this pretty.”

    A blistering heat, one that is much hotter than the Sun, gathers in your cheeks. “Oh really now, Hyuck?”

    “Yes, really,” he says, genuity seeping into his every word. “Literally, everyday I’m surprised you’re even real.” You grin bashfully and Donghyuck pounds his fist to his chest dramatically like he’s been shot. “See! You’re only smiling and I’m already having heart palpitations at just twenty years old.”

    “Okay, okay, Hyuck. You can stop hyping me up now,” you chuckle. You’re beyond glad that your boyfriend has returned to his spirited self, but you know you should address what just happened seriously, just in case. “But hey, I’m sorry that I made you feel that way. Looking back, it definitely could’ve been misinterpreted as flirting and I would never want you to have any reason to feel insecure about our relationship because you own my heart, Hyuck.”

    “Aw, babe, you can be really cheesy when you want to be,” says Donghyuck, pinching your cheeks. He plays what you said off casually, but you know that deep down, it resonates with him, and he honestly appreciates your sincerity. “Come here, I need a hug.”

    “Right now? There are people around, Hyuck.”

    “But you look so good right now. I can’t resist.”

    “I don’t know, Hyuck…” You smile demurely.

    “Alright, then what about,” Donghyuck reaches to tuck your hair behind your ear, whispering, “we ditch the beach day and go cuddle in the car? My skin’s burning, anyway.”

    You grin. “They’re gonna notice that we went missing, you know?”

    “So?” Donghyuck challenges, leaning in to place a short but telling kiss on the juncture which connects your ear and your jaw. “Even better. I want them to know.”