#either way enjoy this very long playlist
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โง โโ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐
I won't lie I've been in a very whimsical, romanticizing-my-life mood today and that is what this is about to be; mayhaps a little "Oh No Robin's Falling in Love" playlist. Which is always funny to me because yes he's a POS but man when he loves he gives EVERYTHING. Despite often trying to convince himself otherwise. โ So let's begin this soft af nightmare ride:
๐ : ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ฑ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ฝ๐๐๐๐ ๐ณ๐๐ โ ๐ฑ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ๐๐๐
๐ : ๐ธ ๐ต๐๐๐๐ โ ๐ฐ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐
๐ : ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐ โ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐
๐ : ๐ฒ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ โ ๐ฟ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ต๐๐๐
๐ : ๐ท๐๐๐๐'๐ ๐ ๐ผ๐๐๐ โ ๐ถ๐๐๐ข๐
๐ : ๐ฒ๐๐๐ฃ๐ข ๐๐ ๐ป๐๐๐ โ ๐๐๐ ๐ด๐๐๐ ๐ฟ๐๐๐๐๐๐
๐ : ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ฒ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ โ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐
๐ : ๐ฐ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ณ๐ โ ๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐
๐
: ๐ต๐๐๐๐ ๐บ๐๐๐๐ โ ๐ฟ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ต๐๐๐
๐ : ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ฝ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ข๐ โ ๐
๐พ๐ฒ๐ด๐๐พ
๐ : ๐ฐ๐รฉ๐๐๐๐๐๐ โ ๐ณ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐
๐๐๐
๐ : ๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ - ๐๐๐ ๐ผ๐๐๐๐ข ๐ฑ๐๐๐๐
๐ : ๐ณ๐๐ ๐ ๐๐ข ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ โ ๐ฑ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐
๐ : ๐ฑ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ฑ๐๐๐๐ โ ๐บ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
๐ : ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ท๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ โ ๐ณ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐
๐ : ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ โ ๐ฑ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
๐ : ๐ธ ๐บ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ด๐ข๐๐ โ ๐๐๐ ๐ฒ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ผ๐๐๐๐ ๐ฒ๐๐๐๐๐
๐ : ๐ฐ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ฑ๐๐๐๐ โ ๐๐๐ ๐ฒ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐พ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
๐ : ๐ป๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ณ๐๐๐๐ โ ๐๐ข๐๐ ๐พ ๐ฝ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
๐ : ๐ณ๐๐๐๐'๐ ๐ต๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ฑ๐๐๐๐ โ ๐ด๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
๐ : ๐ธ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ - ๐ท๐๐ฃ๐๐๐
๐ : ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ โ ๐
๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ฐ๐๐๐
๐ : ๐๐ ๐ โ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ๐๐๐
Tagged By: @nameaprice ( sorry this took so long!!! its ... long. LOL Thank you!! โฅ Tagging: @windchaser, @agonizedembrace, @aquatic-hybrid, @pitgritted, @sanguisstella, @mxlevolence, @manufactoredxbyxdesign, @yanlei, @piltover-sharpshooter, @1ststab, @kalijhomentethi, @hemoplagued, @bells-of-black-sunday ( nah jk I know you did it already HEHE ), @lncarnon, @saviourofzaun
#โโ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ โฆ ใ แด๊ฑแด แดแดแดแด ใ#omg Xena#goodness my back -- THIS IS SOO LONGGG#I both love and hate url games because I LOVEEEE#music memes and I love being invited#BUT MY URL IS SO LONG#IT IS MY OWN FAULT#BUT GOSH#either way enjoy this very long playlist#links are attached to each song :D
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Pale Blue [Part Two]
Geto Suguru x AFAB Pregnant Reader
READ PART ONE HERE
Warnings: THIS FIC IS CANON COMPLIANT, if you are not caught up on Jujutsu Kaisen's manga, or at the very least if you have not seen "gojo's past" you WILL be spoiled. This story contains darker themes, heavier topics, pregnancy and all the lovely details of it, and lastly explicit sexual content. Read at your own risk!
A/N: Here she is, months overdue, but here she is. I know nobody will want to read my author note considering the behemoth before you but I just want to thank you for sticking with me for so long. I am, of course, already working on part 3 and will continue to work on it as I continue my hiatus. The only thing I ask of you is to take your time and enjoy! I know I am going to be returning to inactivity very soon but your comments, reblogs, and asks are always welcomed and always appreciated. I love y'all endlessly and I hope you enjoy it.
WORD COUNT: 36.1K | Playlist
September 2007
Two weeks had passed since you discovered you were pregnant with Suguruโs baby. Now you were sitting in a dull waiting room, blinded by fluorescent lights as you waited for your name to be called. Shoko had taken the news well, not that you expected her to be shocked in any capacity. She had said something along the lines of โI knew it.โ when you had told her the next day, Satoru, who wasย by your side, was slightly disappointed she didnโt have a bigger reaction. โAre you sure you donโt want me to go back with you?โ Shoko had leaned closer to you, whispering so other people in the waiting room wouldn't hear. โIโm sure, Shoko. Iโll be okay.โย
It had taken weeks to see a doctor, mostly because she had been booked out. Your morning sickness hadnโt gotten much better, so you assumed you were still lingering somewhere in your first trimester. September was slowly coming to an end, with October looming on the horizon the world had slowly begun its transition to reflect that. This transition brought you the weather you really needed, allowing you to wear comfortable baggy clothing. โThe perfect time to hide a pregnancy.โ you had mused, much to Satoruโs disdain. Your leg bounced at the memory, your hand coming to rest on your stomach. It was a habit that you had picked up shortly after the test came back positive. You felt the urge to protect them, even though they were as safe as they could be, snuggling in your womb. There was truly no place safer for them right now.ย
Things hadnโt gotten all that easier either, within the past two weeks, you had to live through the one month anniversary of Suguruโs deflection. It had been harder to swallow than you thought it would be, the sinking reality that four weeks had passed since you had seen his face was unbearable. Going from seeing him nearly every second of everyday to nothing at all felt as cold as the air at night. You had to wonder what he was doing at that very moment, maybe he was up making those girls breakfast. The idea of him being a father already, caring for those two little girls, it made your heart flutter and sink at the very same time. You wanted to be there, you wanted to help him, you wanted to tell him you were pregnant, that he got what he wanted.ย
โY/N Y/L/N?โย
You blinked back into reality as Shoko hit your arm, a nurse dressed in light pink scrubs was looking around the waiting room after calling the next name on her list. You nearly jumped out of your chair, motioning for Shoko to stay where she was as you got up and made your way over. You ignored the small grumble from her, it seems she had still intended on following you back for the appointment despite your reassurance of being okay to go alone. โGood morning dear, follow me.โ You mustered the best smile you could in response,uttering a soft โmorningโ as she grabbed the door handle to enter the portion of the office that held the exam rooms. You went through the routine process, having your weight and height checked before being brought into a private room. It was different from other doctors offices, there was an ultrasound set up and various posters about sexual health and pregnancy scattered about. It made you feel a bit dizzy.ย
โSo we had you take a urine sample and get your blood while you waited, I have the results of the urine test but not the blood yet. That should be ready for you once the doctor is ready to come in and perform the examโฆ in the meantime letโs go over the basicsโ She was typing on her laptop as she spoke, looking at you briefly as you nodded. Your hands were clasped together in front of you, feeling cold and clammy at the same time. You shifted due to your nerves, the paper below you crumpling as you fidgeted. The nurse went through the basics, making sure your insurance information and home address was correct. โYouโre in college?โ she questioned absentmindedly, as if trying to make small talk with you. โNo, not yet. I graduate high school in the spring.โ You felt your face grow warm as she let out a soft โoh.โย
Luckily for you, she didnโt press further and hid her judgment within seconds. You kept your eyes trained on the floor as she continued her interrogation, getting your basic health and allergies on file before shutting her laptop and gracing you with a fake smile. โAlright then, thatโs it for my portion of the exam. The doctor will be in shortly to discuss your results.โ You nodded, thanking her quietly as she left the room. Silence rang in your ears as you were left alone with nothing but your thoughts. hands still clasped tightly together as you dragged your eyes away from the floor and observed the examination room. There were shelves on the wall with various pamphlets, all of them geared towards women's reproductive health and pregnancy.ย
You used to laugh at those things when you were younger, wondering if anyone would even bother taking them. Now, you were tempted to get up and go grab a few for yourself. But as you moved, the paper crinkled so loudly that it made you still again. It reminded you of just how silent the godforsaken room was, it reminded you of how alone you were. Now, as you sat there, you wished you had just let Shoko get up and follow you back here. You needed someone to talk you off the ledge, it was likely Shoko would have been allowed back here with you,ย considering most women brought their partners with them. It would have brought you two a good laugh for the nurses to assume you were a lesbian couple.ย
You could hear Shoko now, coming up with some asinine plot to what the nurses probably thought was going on with the two of you. Probably contemplating who your โrealโ partner was considering Shoko couldnโt get you pregnant. Though, your partner still wasnโt aware of his child growing within your body. Suguru should be here in this room with you, sitting in the empty chair across from the exam table you sat on. He should have been filling this empty space with jokes about how nervous you looked, making you laugh and forget why you were scared in the first place. But he wasnโt. You were doing this alone. That was the part that hurt the most, because this whole โdoing it aloneโ thing was your choice.ย
At some point during your storm of emotions, you had begun to blame yourself for Suguru not being with you. Your brain took the liberty of twisting the events in your mind so harshly that they had deteriorated all together, you couldnโt recall the truth anymore. Somewhere along the way, you had convinced yourself this was your choice, that Suguru wasnโt here because you were keeping him away. A quick couple of knocks on the door signaled the doctorโs arrival, effectively pulling you out of your forlorn daze. โGood morning, how are you?โ A short, plump woman entered the room with a cheery smile, one you couldnโt help but return. โIโm alright.โ Which was pure bullshit, but she didn't really need to know your whole life story.ย
โAh, thatโs better than most answers.โ she chuckled to herself, setting her clipboard down on the counter and reaching for soap so she could wash her hands. You found yourself flinching, suddenly feeling bad for lying to a woman who hadnโt known of your existence until walking through that door only seconds prior. โI have the results of your blood testโฆโ she started, scrubbing her hands until they turned visibly soapy. โIf it were bad news, Iโd be telling you a lot more formally than this. However, your results were looking very good! Youโre definitely pregnant.โ You let out a shaky sigh of relief, hand resting over your stomach again as you smiled. โThatโs wonderful news.โ because, despite everything, it really was. You could now look at this as a shimmering ray of hope peaking out among your storm clouds.ย
The doctor smiled, turning off the water and reaching for paper towels. โYour results indicate you are roughly around the eleven week mark. Youโre nearly done with your first trimester.โ That was a bit jarring to you, and by the look on the womanโs face, she could tell. โItโs not unusual for some women to go a while without realizing, some women donโt even know they are pregnant until they go into labor and assume itโs kidney stones. Have you missed your cycle?โ She was pulling blue gloves over her hands as she spoke. So much information being thrown at you that you had to blink for a moment before utteringย โIโve been going through some things in my personal life, I suppose my last cycle was sometime in June thenโฆ I assumed it was stress.โย
โThat would line up with the HCG levels, you likely got pregnant early to mid-july. But donโt worry, I should be able to pinpoint it a little more accurately with an ultrasound.โ Your heart skipped a beat, you hadnโt expected to see your baby this soon. You watched her move to turn on the machine, brows creasing as you began trying to shift through your hazy memories. You figured it was likely useless to try and pinpoint when Suguru could have gotten you pregnant, because the damage was already done at this point. You realized you hadnโt responded, clearing your throat a bit as she walked over to the machine and began turning it on. โSo, Iโll be entering my second trimester soon? I-is it alright that I didnโt know for this long? I-is the baby okay?โ You felt your lip tremble as you spoke, suddenly more anxious than before.ย
โOh honeyโฆโ the doctor stopped what she was doing and reached out a hand to place it over your own. โYou are perfectly fine, baby should be doing good too. Weโll get to hear their heartbeat in just a few minutes and Iโll be able to give you a rough timeline for the rest of your pregnancy. I can assure you, itโs okay that you didnโt know until recently. Weโll get you on some prenatals and other vitamins to keep you and baby in tip-top shape.โ Her presence was grandmotherly, it set your racing mind at ease. Mentally you would have to remember to thank Shoko for finding this woman for you. โThank you.โ you breathed out as she placed some of her supplies on the metal tray beside the exam bed. You had so much you could say at that moment but thanking her was the only thing that would come out. โNo problem, honey.โย
A few beats of silence passed before she spoke again. โAlright, Iโm going to have you lay back and lift your shirt for me, pull down your sweatpants a bit as well.โ You took a shaky breath, nodding as she moved around the table to flick off the main lights. The exam room was left in a golden glow from the small lamp on the desk in the corner, paired with the fluorescent-ish glow from the ultrasound screen. You did as she instructed, lifting your shirt and pushing down the waistband of your sweats so your stomach was no longer obstructed. โThe gel is going to be a little cold, but it warms up quick.โ Your throat felt dry, so you nodded, hands clasping tightly together to rest on your chest as you watched her squirt some of the clear liquid on your abdomen. โIโm also going to have to press down a bit, which may cause some discomfort at first but I assure you that the baby is safe while I do this.โ You nodded again, mouth feeling too dry to respond verbally at that moment. โAlright, letโs see your baby.โย
You gave a shaky smile, eyes immediately focusing on the black screen as she pressed the ultrasoundโs wand to your stomach. You flinched a bit before getting used to the feeling of the wand pressing so deeply. โSorry, honey. At this stage the baby is so small that we really need to get in thereโฆ if this doesnโt pick them up then I may have to do an internal ultrasound.โ She was walking you through each step, which you were abundantly grateful for. After a little bit of searching, she let out a happy sigh as something small and vaguely baby shaped appeared on the screen. โThere they are! At this stage they are just starting to kick and stretch, but they are too little for you to feel it yet.โ You couldnโt breath, eyes zeroing in on the tiny little thing that was your child. The doctor was smiling, using her other hand to take pictures and measure.ย
โAh, what an over achiever, they are nearly two inches in length right now! They are measuring a little ahead.โ You couldnโt help but smile, eyes turning a bit glossy. โJust like their daddy, heโd be so proud.โ The words felt foreign but at the same time they felt just right, your head would surely implode if you dwelled on it for too long. The doctor only chuckled, clicking some buttons on the keyboard to snap more pictures as she moved the wand around your stomach. You were thankful she didnโt inquire further about the father, though you were sure it was probably against practice to ask such personal things outright. โWell, mama, would you like to hear their heartbeat?โ You inhaled sharply, eyeing her suspiciously to make sure she wasnโt joking. โI-I would love to.โ your tone was shaky, hands curling at your sides as she smiled. โAlright, one sec.โย
After a small stretch of silence, you heard it. Through the speakers, the strong and steady heartbeat of your baby met your ears. You let out a choked sob, the noise surprising you as your hand shot up to cover your mouth, it was probably the best thing youโve heard over the course of the last month. You didnโt want it to end, you wanted to sit there on that table and look at your baby, hear their heartbeat, for as long as you possibly could. โThey are doing wonderful, mama. Itโs too soon to tell the gender, but the baby is doing great. You have nothing to worry about.โ you nodded, heart aching a bit as she turned the sound off and pulled the wand away.ย
โIโll have those pictures printed so you can take them home.โ She wiped the gel off of your stomach, tossing it in the trash before moving around the table to turn the lights on again. You sat up, wiping your eyes as you pulled your shirt down and readjusted your sweats. โThat would be wonderful, thank you.โ you chuckled a bit as she handed you some tissues for your face and nose. โNow that weโve got all the fun stuff out of the way, Iโm going to prescribe you some prenatals and other vitamins like we discussed earlier. If youโll give me a few minutes, Iโll go get things in order so youโll leave here feeling a little less overwhelmed.โ You smiled, thanking her again as you resituated yourself on the table. She stepped out a moment later, still grinning.ย
Once again you were โaloneโ, but this time it didnโt feel all that lonely.
โ
โDid you really mean what you said last week?โ You set your pen down, looking across your room to see Suguru sitting at your desk. You were both working on different assignments but still wanted to spend time together. โHmm?โ Suguru set his own pen down, turning his body to look at you where you sat on your own bed. โAboutโฆ ya knowโฆ wanting to get me pregnant.โ You watched a shy smile pass over Suguruโs face as he sighed. โYeahโฆ I meant it.โ He started softly, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. You had to chuckle at the fact that Suguru had stuffed an extra pen through his bun, just in case the other died while writing. โI guess you could say I have baby fever.โย
โBaby fever, huh?โ you teased, putting your notebook to the side as you did. โYeah, baby fever. I justโฆ fuck I donโt know itโs been a thought on my mind for a while now. I keep seeing these happy families, their small children giggling and playing andโฆ I started daydreaming about what it would be like to be a father. When I envisioned our baby, fuck my heart just melted.โ he sighed, face turning a little red before he continued on. โI started thinking about how cute youโd look pregnant, how cute youโd be as a mom. How sweet it would be to hear their little voice calling you mama.โ Your lips parted, completely entranced by the world he was painting you.ย
โSuguru.โ you stated rather bluntly, smiling as his head shot up to look at you. At some point in his rambling, he had begun staring into space, as if envisioning the things he talked about. โY-yeah?โ You laugh softly, crawling off your bed and crossing the small space until you stand before him. โCome here.โย You smile, hands gently cupping his cheeks and forcing his head to look up at you. โ I love you so much.โ You started softly, thumb gingerly brushing along the plains of his cheekbone. Suguru swallowed, brown eyes observing every inch of your face. โI love you too.โ He breathed, subconsciously leaning into your touch. โIf youโre serious, if you truly want a babyโฆโ
โI do.โย
Your lips parted before you smiled brightly, giggling a bit at his instant reassurance. โ... then I am more than willing to try and conceive.โย You hadnโt intended for it to come out so seductive, but the way Suguruโs breathing hitched told you it had a dual effect. โReally?โ You nodded, thumb still gently caressing his cheeks. โI know weโre young and all, but I think there is no time better than the present to chase your dreams.โ You snorted at your own cheesiness, laughing as Suguruโs arms came around your waist to hug you tightly. โThank you.โ his voice was soft, just above a whisper. โYou know, I have to ask, Suguruโฆ especially since you seemed to put a ton of thought into this.โย
โYeah? Anything. Ask away.โ You reached up and tugged the pen out of his bun, fingers moving to delicately pull his hair out of the bun itself. You always enjoyed it when he had his hair down. โWhat was the moment that made you realize it was more than just a desire, that it was something you actually wanted. I know you said you saw families and all that butโฆ youโre a man of purpose. Something in particular egged you on and Iโm dying to know what.โ From the way his cheeks turned red, you knew you had hit the nail on the head. He wasnโt lying about the baby fever, but you knew him too well to know that it wasnโt just an accumulation of events.ย
One thing in particular had been his โbreaking pointโ of sorts.ย
โAlright you caught me.โ he sighed deeply, eyes glancing away from you before looking up again. โRemember that weekend I went home to visit family?โ You nodded, hands sliding down to rest on his shoulders. Suguruโs arms opened, allowing you to climb onto his lap as he spoke. โWell, my cousin had just had her baby a few weeks prior. Since she knew I was coming home to visit for the weekends, she came over with her new baby to introduce us.โ You nodded again, humming thoughtfully as you twirled some of his hair around your fingers. โI donโt think Iโve ever held a baby before.โ He added, cheeks a rosy pink instead of flaming red.ย
โAnd when she put that little baby in my arms Iโฆ fuck I just melted.โย
He swallowed, finding it endearing that you were so invested in every word he spoke. โI just remember thinking thatโฆ there was nothing more special than that bond. The bond between mother and childโฆ between father and child. I found myself imagining what it would be like to hold my own newbornโฆ and I was serious when I said every time I envisioned it, they always looked like you.โ He relaxed a bit when you leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek before pulling away again. โThatโs a beautiful reason, you know.โ You hugged him after saying it, letting your chin rest on his shoulders as his arms encompassed your waist and squeezed.ย
โI want to be a dad, Iโve known that from the very moment I held that baby. But Iโฆ if you arenโt readyโฆ I donโt want to force you to do anything.โ The vulnerability in his voice made your heart squeeze, it was very rare that Suguru was openly shy about something. โNo time better than the present, ya know.โ You whispered it again, feeling his breath stutter as you spoke. โReally?โ he breathed out again, as if in disbelief that you were saying yes despite already agreeing once before.ย
You nod, trying to contain your smile. โItโs not like itโll happen right away, it takes time. Most couples have to try for a while before they strike gold.โย
โI guess that is true, there are a lot of factors that go into thisโฆ itโs a miracle that women are even able to conceive in the first place when you truly look at it.โ you felt yourself giggling, finding it cute that Suguru had clearly put some research into this whole idea too. He wanted it, so bad, you couldnโt bear the thought of not trying to give it to him. โSoโฆ what do you say, shall we start now?โ you pulled away from his hug, grinning deviously at him. โRight now?โ Suguru looked shocked, eyes wide and lips slightly parted before he was able to collect his thoughts. โYeah, right now.โ studies could wait, of course they could. Suguru knew that just as well as you did.ย
Suguru answered you with a kiss, lips melting against your own as his hands clung to your waist.ย
โ
โSo thisโฆ is the baby?โ Satoruโs glasses hung low on his nose, blue eyes observing the glossy paper intently. โYep, thatโs the baby.โ You were laying on the couch, head resting on Shokoโs lap as she absentmindedly played with your hair. โAre youโฆ sure?โ Satoru was having a difficult time comprehending that the white, vaguely human-shaped blob on the glossy sheets of paper was a baby. โPositive, Satoru. They donโt start looking like a real human until around the twenty week mark.โ Satoru shot you a glance over one of the photos, a smile tugging on his lips as he spoke โSo what youโre saying is youโre carrying an alien for a while.โ This time it was Shoko to interject, shooting Satoru a glare as she threw her lighter at him. โBe nice, Satoru.โย
You, on the other hand, had begun to laugh. โIโll take away uncle privileges, Satoru.โ
โHey! Letโs not get too hasty there, Mothership.โ Satoru looked mildly offended at the idea of you pulling his uncle privileges before he could even get them. You sat up now, eyes meeting Shokoโs before you burst out laughing. โDid you just call me mothership?โ You would be offended if it was anyone other than Satoru using the nickname. โ...Maybe.โ Satoru had set the photos down on his lap, no longer holding them up to examine like he was looking for a hidden secret. โYouโre so mean, Satoru.โ Shoko sighed, sad that your warmth was no longer on her lap. โSheโs laughing, Shoko!โ Satoru tried to defend his honor, it was still a rare sight to see you laughing.ย
โWhat is with all the commotion?โ The three of you fell silent instantly, heads turning to see Yaga enter the common room. You had yet to inform the principal of your pregnancy, he had absolutely no idea that you were carrying Suguruโs baby. You had intended on telling him after you told Shoko the following morning, but you chickened out and had yet to find the courage. โNothing major, just hanging out.โ Careful as possible, Satoru was sliding the ultrasound pictures behind the arm of the couch so Yaga couldnโt see them. Luckily for the three of you, his eyes were mainly focused on you. โI hadnโt heard your laugh in a while, y/n. I thought you may have lost it.โย
โAh, well, leave it to Satoru to find it for me again.โ You smiled, an almost real smile that still felt foreign on your lips. You were certain you would never feel the joy of a real, genuine smile until Suguru was in your arms again. Though, that day may never come. You were still heavily weighing your options, knowing the choice you wanted to pick was the one that would cost you the things you had within your reach. Your love for Suguru would never blind you from the fact that you loved Shoko and Satoru just as dearlyโฆ at least you hoped it wouldnโt. โAh, heโs good for something I suppose.โ His tone was teasing, earning snickers from both you and Shoko.ย
โYou wound me, principal!โย
Yaga just shook his head, smiling a bit before moving to leave the room. โRemember, you three, Iโm always a call away.โ You all shared a knowing glance before nodding your heads. With that, Yaga left the common area, leaving the three of you to relax again. Satoru was careful as he pulled the ultrasound pics up again, looking them over one last time before folding them neatly and reaching across to give them to you. โThat was close.โ he offered with a grin as you took them and set them face down on the coffee table. โIt was, but you managed to hide them well, Toru.โ You grinned as you settled back again, lying comfortably with your head on Shokoโs lap.ย
โSee, Yaga isnโt wrong, he is good for something.โ Shoko laughed as Satoru rolled his eyes, flipping her the finger before reaching for the lighter she had chucked at him. โYou seem to forget I can keep this.โ He taunted her with her favorite lighter, you werenโt even sure why she threw it in the first place considering Satoruโs infinity was able to block it. It had bounced off of his barrier and landed on the couch cushion beside him. Again, you three were lucky that Yaga hadnโt seen it, he was pretty convinced Shoko had given up on the smoking habit. โGive it back, Satoru, Iโm too comfy to have her moving.โ You whined as Shoko tried to get off the couch.ย
โYou heard the pregnant lady, give it.โ Shoko taunted, knowing she had already won the battle thanks to you. โFine, fine, here.โ he tossed it over, uttering out โnice catchโ as Shoko caught it with one hand. โSo, back to business.โ Shoko smiled as she twirled the lighter around her fingers. โHow are we telling Yaga that little miss here is pregnant with the problem childโs baby?โ You made a noise of annoyance at Shokoโs words, smiling a bit as she raised her eyebrow at you. โWell, I donโt think it will be easy telling anyoneโฆ Besides you, Shoko. You took the news like a champ.โ Satoru was still reeling over how calm she had been about the whole thing.ย
โ
โAre you sure you want to tell her right now?โ Satoru was buttoning his uniform top, you two would still have to continue on with your lives like it was any other day. โShe needs to know, there is no way I could keep this from her.โ She basically already knew, but you couldnโt say that to Satoru yet. Just in case Shoko had the opposite of the reaction you were anticipating. The whole concept still felt foreign to you, so did the fact that it felt natural for your hand to rest on your abdomen. You didnโt think you should be adapting to this so quickly, then again what were you supposed to do?ย
โI know that, Iโm not saying we never tell her. But you still seem to be pretty in shock over this.โย
โWhich is exactly why I need to tell her.โ If anything goes wrong in your life, Shoko has always been the person you ran to. It wasnโt until Suguru left that you had started running to Satoru instead. Part of you felt guilty about that, like you were leaving her in the dust. She knew you and Satoruโs pain just as well, it hurt you to know you had started seeking comfort in him rather than her. โIf you insist, Iโll back you up all the way.โ he grinned as you pouted, feet kicking idly.ย
You had snuck off and gotten dressed before he even woke up. Now all that was left was to rip off the band-aid and reveal to Shoko that she had been right all along. โIโm glad you arenโt scared of Shokoโs wrath.โ you laughed as you pushed off of his bed, shuffling to the door with a grin. โIโm not the one that got you pregnant, her wrath isnโt directed at me.โ You felt your cheeks grow warm as you shook your head, pushing his door open and heading into the hall. โYouโre too blunt sometimes, Satoru.โ You felt mildly embarrassed about how he put it, that and an odd sense of possessiveness.ย
โWell itโs the truth, Suguru is the one that knocked you up.โ He shrugged as he followed you out into the hall, turning to shut the door just as you reached up and smacked his shoulder. โAnd youโre fucking vulgar! Be kind!โ your tone was a mix of teasing and annoyance, one Satoru knew quite well. If he had to work you up to get glimpses of your old self, then so be it. โI am being kind, youโre just being sensitive.โ risky thing to say to a woman, nevermind a pregnant woman.ย
โYou are a menace, Gojo Satoru.โ You huffed, crossing your arms to glare at him as he replied with a sheepish grin. โHey, sorry, I canโt help it sometimes. Youโre just so easy to tease.โ He made a kissy face at you, watching your nose scrunch in amusement before turning to head down the hall. โIโll have to work on making things harder for you, Satoru.โ You sighed as he whistled. โDonโt quite know how Suguru would feel about that.โ He was laughing when you turned to swing on him, a smile pulling at your lips as he blocked you. โA menace and a pervโฆ Iโll start sharing Shokoโs bed.โย
โHey! No way! Youโre so warm, I like having you in my bed.โ Satoru pouted, as if you were a cat looking to find a new home. โEh, donโt know how Suguru would feel about that.โ You mimicked him, smiling widely now as he rolled his eyes. โI guess youโre right.โ Ever since you realized, it has become a little easier to say Suguruโs name. You had to wonder why, your emotions were still a stormy mess butโฆ speaking about him didnโt really hurt that bad right now. Maybe you were just riding on a high of emotions, but compared to the low from the night beforeโฆ you had doubts.ย
โShoko!โ you knocked on her door, glancing back at Satoru as he shoved his hands in his pockets. He was pretty sure he was masking his anxiety well, but you knew better than anyone that Satoru was mentally shitting his pants at the idea of informing Shoko about your predicament. โOne minute!โ Her voice rang from the other side of the door, mildly surprised in tone to hear you. She had expected Satoru, just as she had been expecting him every morning to go pull you out of your depression pit dorm room. For you to be at her door tooโฆ something was up.ย
โWhatโs with the welcome party?โ Shokoโs door swung open, eyes traveling over the two of you with a quirked brow. โGot some news for yaโฆโ you started bold, not missing the way Satoru inhaled sharply. โNews for me? About?โ she had no idea where you could be going with this, but she assumed any direction you took would lead to Suguru somehow. โWell you seeโฆ that conversation we had yesterdayโฆโ and Shoko knew immediately. โShoko, Iโm pregnant.โย
โOh, okay.โ
โThatโฆ youโre fucking kidding me! Thatโs IT?โ Satoru looked completely appalled at the womanโs casual response. You were a bit surprised yourself but that didnโt stop you from laughing at Satoruโs over reaction. โYeah, thatโs it. Am I supposed to scream or something?โ Shoko was stepping into the hall, turning to shut her dorm roomโs door before turning back to face you and Satoru. โSo what do we do now?โ Satoru couldnโt believe it, from the gut wrenching sobs you had made, he half expected the world to implode when it was time for you to tell another person.ย
Soโฆwhen it didnโtโฆ he couldnโt quite get over it. โThatโs a great question, honestly I have no idea.โ You sighed, feeling a little antsy as you turned to walk down the hall. โYa know, this isnโt fair.โ Satoru pouted, arms crossing as he followed after you with no hesitation. โWhat isn't fair?โ Shoko questioned as she fell into step beside you. โThat you got the easy reveal and the easy reaction. She nearly gave me a fucking heart attack last night! I mean really I felt my balls shrivel.โย
You nearly tripped over your own two feet at that, laughter so genuine bubbling out of you that it made the previous night feel like a distant memory. โEw TMI Satoru.โ Shoko plugged her nose, sticking her tongue out as the three of you made your way down the stairs and out to the sunny day ahead. โItโs the damn truth.โ Satoru mumbled under his breath as you pushed through the double doors, shoving his sunglasses further up his face in an attempt to block out the blinding sun.ย
โI mean Iโll side with him this time, Shoko. I really did scare the life out of him. I thought he was going to faint.โ You had collapsed into his arms, if anyone was about to faint, it would have been you. โThatโs only half true.โ Satoru mumbled in defeat, throwing himself down on a picnic table bench and watching as you and Shoko clambered into the other side. โItโs not important right now, whatโs important is trying to figure out what the hell Iโm supposed to do now. I donโt want anyone knowing besides the two of you. Not Yaga, not Utahime, Meimei, Nanamiโฆโย
โWe get it.โ Satoru stuck his tongue out, feeling far cheekier than usual this morning. Maybe it was because he was still partially convinced he had smacked his head and this was all a dream. โSo rude this morning, Toru~โ there was a hint of a smile on your face though, one that had the tips of his ears burning pink as you turned to look at Shoko. โThe first thing we need to do is get you a doctor. If the tests came back positive, it still needs to be confirmed with blood work. Along with that they need to make sure the baby is actually growing.โ Shoko pulled out a pack of cigarettes as she spoke.
โOkay, so, doctors is the next stepโฆ then what?โ Satoru questioned, watching the flame ignite on the end of Shokoโs lighter. โThen I grow the baby till they are ready to be born.โ You said in a bored tone. You knew what Satoru was implying but you werenโt ready to cross that bridge yet. Suguru needed to know, you were still hanging onto that fact. You couldn't do this without him. โOh gee I would have never guessed.โ Satoru deadpanned as he snatched Shokoโs pack, ignoring her glare as he also snatched her lighter. โIโm not in the mood to discuss that part yet, Satoru.โย
Your tone was final, so much so that Shoko merely nodded, eyes glaring holes into Satoruโs head so he wouldn't dare push the topic. He swallowed his words, putting the cigarette to his lips before mumbling out โfine, Iโll drop itโฆ for now.โย
โ
The day had come and gone, night had fallen once more and you found yourself lounging in Satoruโs bed. He was showering at the moment so you had it to yourself, the dim light of the little lamp on his desk was just enough for you to admire the ultrasound photos. You had been looking at them on and off all day, still struggling to comprehend that it was your baby. โItโs crazy that youโll continue to grow into a living, breathing, talking person. Youโll have your own personality, your own thoughts, your own voiceโฆโ you hummed softly, hand resting on your abdomen as you spoke to your babyโs pictures. It all felt so damn surreal.ย
โI wonder what your daddy would thinkโฆโ You felt your voice crack as you whispered those words out loud. Your heart was still aching from his absence, but with your child growing, it was hard to feel totally alone. Part of him was growing within you, you just needed him to know it. You straightened the moment Satoruโs bathroom door opened, wiping your eyes in an attempt to make it look like you were yawning instead. โNot visiting Shoko tonight?โ Satoru smiled, white shirt hanging on his lean frame, a towel resting on his shoulders and collecting the water droplets from his damp hair. โNah, she said she needed to get some stuff done.โย
โSheโs such a procrastinator, the deadlines for those med-school applications are like two days from now.โ You nodded, you werenโt quite sure how your friend intended on getting the seven applications done in time. โI highly doubt sheโll be truthful to them anyways.โ You laughed, she was determined to get in with no prior college experience or any experience in the medical field save for her curse technique. But, if there was anyone who could cheat their way into med-school, it would definitely be Shoko. โSheโll somehow be fineโฆ she always is.โ Satoru chuckled as he moved about his room, picking up his towel to dry his white locks.ย
With his back turned to you, he nearly whispered what he said next. โYouโre sad again.โ You felt your brows twitch before forcing them into perfectly maintained neutrality. โWhen have I not been sad, Satoru?โ you tried softly, folding the ultrasound pictures neatly together again from their extended accordion strip. โYou know what I mean, y/n. You were crying before I came in.โ You stopped folding, inhaling shakily before turning to meet his gaze. โI wasnโt crying yet. You actually interrupted me, Satoru.โ you werenโt even sure why you had been trying to hide it in the first place. There was no sneaking anything by him. Those six eyes of his were always on alert, always observant, even more so nowadays.ย
Satoru was still quiet, his towel resting on his shoulders again as he turned to observed you. โI miss him terribly, Satoru. Nothing is going to fix that.โ You could tell he was stewing on something, but he was holding himself back. โSay it, whatever it is you're thinking, say it.โ This time, he looked mildly surprised, not used to being the one so easily read. โYouโre not going to see him.โ He stated rather plainly, but you could see his jaw clenching after he uttered the words out loud. You felt your stomach twist in the same way it had with your morning sicknessโฆ morning sickness you had become quite acquainted with at this point.ย
โI didnโt plan on it.โ You shot back, lying through your teeth like he wouldnโt be able to pick you apart in an instant. โYeah, bull shit y/n. Iโm not stupid.โ You felt anger bubbling over the nausea, not particularly enjoying the way he was talking down to you. โWatch your tone, Satoru.โ Dangerously low, full of promise. It was enough to snap him back into reality for a second. โSorry.โ he started โIโll be more mindful. However, that doesnโt change my previous statement.โ You felt your head tilting, eyes narrowing as you sized the strongest sorcerer up. โYou do not get to decide what I can and cannot do, Satoru.โย
There, you finally said it, maybe it was very indirect but Satoru knew exactly what you meant with those words. He looked stunned, but at the same time if he had any fight left in him, he wasnโt going to push upon the matter. Your gaze didnโt soften, rather it continued to size him up until his shoulders sagged. โForget I said anything, youโre right. I donโt get a say in it.โ Yet, you could tell he was saying it just to maintain peace. You weighed your options, was it really worth giving up your sanity for a fight you werenโt willing to have yet? In the end, you swallowed your emotions, wondering if it was possible that your hormones were already causing mood swings. โWe can discuss this when we are both readyโฆ not weighed down by our own baggage.โย
Finally, your gaze had returned to its normal, slightly sad state. Satoru found that it was easier for him to breathe again, so he pulled the towel off his shoulders and turned to enter his bathroom. โI agree.โ He called as he hung the damp towel over the top of his curtain rods, letting it air dry till morning so he could put it in the hamper to be washed. โLetโs talk about something else, yeah?โ He emerged with a smile, the tension in the room subsiding considerably as you relaxed back into his covers, comfortable under his blankets. โGladly.โ You teased him, turning onto your side as he flopped down beside you. โDo you have any name ideas yet?โย
You blinked, not thinking that was the route he was going to take. โOh-uhmโฆ well Iโve certainly thought about it over the last two weeks. I donโt know if I want to find out their genderโฆ Iโm tempted to wait until they are born. Makes it more fun that way butโฆ Iโm eager.โ You confess with a dreamy smile, one that has Satoruโs lips parting in awe for a moment before he quickly recovers. โI donโt know how youโd do it, Iโve been itching to know since you told me.โ He confessed softly, eyes lingering to where your hand had found its new home. He didnโt think a day had gone by in these last few weeks where he didnโt see your hand resting on your stomach.ย
โI donโt know if Iโll be able to do it, Satoru. When the time comes, when she asks if I want to know the genderโฆ I donโt think Iโll be able to say no.โ You laughed softly, you were indifferent to what your babyโs gender would be. You didnโt care if they were a boy or a girl, you would be over the moon with either. But you were dying to know so you could buy them things, settle on a good name, look at baby furnitureโฆ โAre you going to share the name ideas or are you keeping them a secret?โ He questioned when he saw you were starting to space out. He had been keen on trying to ground you in the present lately.ย
โOh wellโฆโ you started softly, suddenly shy to share the names you and Suguru had discussed what felt like centuries ago at this point. โFor a boy, we discussed names like Ren, Ritsu, Isamuโฆ oh and we really liked the name Hajime.โ For some reason it felt very intimate to share this information. โBut of courseโฆ it all depends on what he looks like. We can pick any name we want but really you canโt make the decisions till you meet them.โ Satoru nodded, โI would go out on a limb to suggest Satoruโฆ pretty solid name in my opinion.โ You started to laugh, slapping his chest lightly โYouโre relentless, Satoru.โย
โI may be relentless, but you love me.โ He countered as you rolled your eyes. โI, unfortunately, have to agree with that.โ You smiled at him, settling further into the bed before he spoke again. โHow about girl names?โ Satoru questioned, genuine curiosity shining in his eyes. โOh well, we have way more of those than we do boy names. Suguru is particularly attached to Ayame and Sachi.โ Satoru felt his cheeks redden, it seemed that it was just now hitting him how intimate this moment was. โI rather like Sachi and Ayame too but I really like the name Hanako.โ There were a few others but you knew those three were the top contenders for a baby girl.ย
โI mean Satoru can be a unisex nameโฆโ He added softly, trying to lighten the mood a bit because this was all starting to feel way too personal. Not that he really minded, it was more for his sake than yours. Laying in bed beside you, discussing baby names, it was playing with his head. โIt is fully a male name, I would not name my little girl Satoru.โ You laughed softly, trying to stifle your yawn as you pushed his shoulder. โOkay fine, Iโll drop the Satoru name agendaโฆ for now.โ You just smiled at him, shaking your head in an attempt to ignore the way your eyelids were steadily dropping. โYouโre trying to fight your sleep?โ this time, Satoru pushed your shoulder.ย
โI guess I amโฆโ you yawned, eyes watering โ... I just like talking to you, Toru.โ You felt warm and safe snuggled under his blankets and under the gaze of his watchful eyes. โI like talking to you too butโฆโ his voice had cracked, heat flooding his cheeks as your eyes closed a little more. โBut you need your rest, youโre literally growing another human inside of you. Iโll be here in the morning.โ You nodded, eyes nearly closed completely at this point. โI guess youโre rightโฆโ he couldnโt help but chuckle. โAlways guessing and never just admitting Iโm rightโฆ good night.โ He finished in a way you couldnโt argue with, leaving you to just sleepily hum in acknowledgment.ย
โ
He would stay awake longer than he wanted to, simply to watch your chest rise and fall as you slept soundly. He would remind himself with every small flutter of your eyelashes that you were dreaming, you were alive, you were breathing. Most importantly, heโd try and make himself believe that you weren't on your way out the door, leaving him behind just as Suguru had.ย
But he knew better, god dammit he knew better and he hated himself for it.ย
He could see it, with each passing day, each passing hour, your heart was choosing its path. The path that led straight out of his life and into the arms of the man you really loved. How he wished it was him, how desperately, selfishly Satoru wished it were him that you loved. The guilt would gnaw at his chest, making it feel like someone was ripping his heart open tendon by tendon, the blood leaking out an inky black. So weighed down by his guilt that it was tainted.ย
He had tried, for years he had tried to suppress it. But nothing in this universe could block out the love he held for you so deep in his chest that it took the air from his lungs. He loved you, with every fiber of his being, even now he couldnโt understand how he had gotten so close to you without cracking and shattering to the floor like fine china. Satoru knew that even a month ago, the idea of holding you as you cried would have seemed like an impossible task.ย
Not because he couldnโt restrain himself, god he couldnโt even think of you in that way without feeling immense guilt. But because he didnโt think he would ever be able to let you go. Initially he had been right, he had struggled, albeit for a fraction of a second, but he had let you go. Had you told him two months ago that he would be falling asleep with you beside him, he would have fainted on the spot, he was sure of it.ย
Because even though he finally had you beside him, it wasnโt in the way he truly wanted.ย
The way he truly wanted would forever be unattainable, for you were not his to keep. You had been right, you had been so god damn right when you said that he had no say in what you could and couldnโt doโฆ and it killed him. Fuck did it kill him in every way but literally. If he could, he would keep you by his side forever, away from the man he still considered his one and only best friend, he would raise your baby with you so you didnโt need Suguru to feel whole.ย
But that was not the route you were going to take, and he knew it. He knew it was only a matter of time until you ripped his chest wide open and left him only a fraction of the man he was. Suguru already had one half of his heart, if you were to leave, you would be taking the only half Satoru had left with you. Leaving him with nothing, completely and utterly alone. Why couldnโt you see he was more than enough for you?ย
He was convinced he could give you a good, if not better life than what Suguru could offer you. He could provide for you and your child and you would never have to lift a finger for the rest of your life. You wouldnโt have to be a jujutsu sorcerer, you wouldnโt have to work to make money. He could give you and your baby everything you could ever desire. It was a selfish thought, the selfish desire to have someone he couldnโt.ย
Somewhere along the way, amid his heartbreak over Suguru, he had foolishly believed he could win your heart. As if Suguruโs deflection would suddenly make it easier, make it okay for him to pursue you. What a childish thought, what a selfish, naive thought. He loved you too much to put you in that position, he loved Suguru too much to betray him like thatโฆ even though Suguru had arguably done much worse.ย
He inhaled shakily, watching your lips wobble as you must have dreamt about something. It grounded him for a moment, making everything in his room feel a little too real yet not real at all. Like he hadnโt been aware this whole time that he was alive, that this wasnโt some nightmare. For a moment, he was certain he would black out from the crushing weight of the realization.ย
So he forced his eyes to close, squeezing shut so tight that colors and odd shapes began to blossom behind his eyelids. It didnโt help the way his chest had begun to rise and fall in a pattern that was starting to look like a panic attack. He didnโt know who to go to, he didnโt know who he could go to for help. The two people he always ran to were the two people he couldnโt.ย
How was it possible he felt so alone when you were sleeping right beside him? How was it possible that he still ached for you when he knew you would take his heart and stomp on it. You were a ticking time bomb, and it was only a matter of days until your timer went out. So why wasnโt he savoring this? Why wasnโt he soaking in every second he had with you before you left?ย
How was he already mourning you when you were right beside him?ย
โ
Late November 2007ย
โItโฆItโฆโ you huffed, trying to force the buttons of your white top together. โIt doesnโt fit?โ Shoko questioned with an amused face, watching you lose your breath as you tried to make the buttons clasp. Your stomach had grown considerably over the last few weeks, it was now becoming increasingly difficult to hide the fact that you were twenty weeks pregnant. โItโโ you huffed out again, whining as the button you closed popped back open. Defeated, you flopped onto Shokoโs mattress, uttering out a weak โIt doesnโt fit.โ as she began to laugh.ย
โLinen like this isnโt forgiving. Youโre going to have to hope your jacket fits at least, or else youโll be telling Yaga whether you want to or not.โ You whine again, hands coming down to rest on the swell of your stomach. It had been an experience to learn you were pregnant a few months back, but to see and feel the physical proof of your child was even more surreal. You had managed to sneak past Yaga for the most part, something Satoru couldnโt even grasp. โShoko, I give up.โ She quirked an eyebrow at you as you struggled to get up. โAlready?โย
โYeah, already. Iโm not going to be able to fit into my uniform and I donโt think I have the energy to try it.โ The second trimester had been more forgiving than the first, but you had found yourself quickly running out of breath and stamina. It was only a matter of time until you had to take a break walking up a single flight of stairs. โIโm telling Yaga today. Fuck this.โ With your white button up still only covering your breasts, you pushed out of Shokoโs bedroom and marched down the hall towards Satoruโs.ย
โSatoru! Give me some clothes!โ you yelled before even making it to his door, banging on it only once before he was pulling it open, visibly confused. โWhat in the hell happened to you?โ He tried not to snicker, looking over your half-assed appearance. Luckily your uniform skirt was covering your ass but even then, it really didnโt fit you. โGive me some clothes, none of mine fit me anymore, Toru.โ You pout, chest rising and falling a little faster than it usually did.ย
โAlright, alright, come on in.โ He pushed his glasses up his face, trying not to show any sort of amusement at the way your bump was fully out in the open. Turning, he made his way to his dresser and pulled out a knit sweater and some sweatpants. โThey may be too big for you, weโll have to go shopping later for a new wardrobe that fits you.โ You caught the knit as he tossed it, you could have easily gone down the hall to your own room and gotten some of Suguruโs clothing. But, for some reason, you had chosen Satoru.ย
He hated to admit it but it gave him butterflies.ย
โIโm going to have to tell Yaga.โ you grumbled as you undid the few buttons you had managed to get shut, tossing the garment to the floor a moment later. โOh? Weโre already at that point, huh?โ Satoru leaned against his dresser, watching as you pulled his knit sweater over your head, effectively masking the fact that you were twenty weeks pregnant. โWe are, Iโm not in the mood to keep sneaking around him.โ You shimmied out of your too tight skirt, whining as you kicked it away. You have certainly gotten more whiny and irritable over the last few days.ย
Maybe it was because you were antsy, with each passing day your child grew. Meaning that Suguru was going on with his day to day life, completely unaware. You had finally decided on your resolve not too long ago, while showering one night in your own room. He needed to know, you couldnโt live with yourself if you grew this baby and birthed them without Suguru ever knowing. โAre we going the second youโre done getting dressed?โ Satoru shifted his weight from foot to foot as you stepped into the pair of sweatpants he had given you.ย
โYep.โ you were curt, worn out already from an action as simple as putting on clothes. โDo we even have a game plan?โ Shokoโs sudden appearance made you both jump, your head whipping around so fast it would have been comical to the two of them if they didnโt know any better. Pregnancy mood swings were no joke, Satoru learned the hard way only a few days prior when teasing you and nearly losing a finger to your curse technique. โNo, but I donโt see why I need to dance around the obvious. I tell him Iโm pregnant and we move on.โย
You shrug, struggling to tie the string of Satoruโs sweatpants due to your stomach. โHere , let me.โ Satoru closed the distance and easily tied the string in a quick knot, laughing a bit as you huffed out a thanks. โSo youโre just going to drop an atomic bomb on the poor man and move on?โ Shoko questioned curiously as she flicked her lighter. โYeah, I am. And then the two of you are coming with me to go get maternity clothes.โ You sigh, hand smoothing over your now barely visible bump, smiling a bit at the fluttering kick baby gave you. โBaby agrees, so no declining.โย
Satoru saluted you โwhatever you say, sergeant.โ That made you laugh, tension from your clothes not fitting melting off of your shoulders as you turned to leave. โOh wow, so weโre going right now.โ Shoko fell into step beside you as you marched down the hall, leaving Satoru to scramble and get his dorm door shut before following after you. โNo better time than the present, I want to get an early start with my dayโฆ you know Iโve been tiring easier nowadays.โ One thing you hadnโt fully been prepared for was the amount of physical changes your body would go through.ย
Sure you knew the basics like your stomach would grow, your breasts would get bigger, you would get bloatedโฆ but you hadnโt thought about how strenuous the whole thing would be. Though, it made sense when you sat down in Shokoโs bed one night with your laptop. โOh, so baby pushes all of my organs out of the wayโฆโ To which Shoko had made a fake gagging noise. You used it as a way to antagonize Satoru the next morning, watching the man turn a shade of green as you proudly explained why you had been losing your breath.ย
โI guess thatโs trueโฆ itโs almost nine in the morning so I assume Yaga will be in his office.โ Satoru sighed as he walked just a step behind you, pulling out his flip phone to file through a few news articles as you three walked. โGood, that means heโll already be sitting when he gets the shock of his life.โ Shoko sighed, pocketing her lighter and unlit cigarette as the three of you left the dorm buildings and began walking through the courtyard towards Yagaโs office. โI mean, I donโt really think it's that big of a deal.โ You shrugged, waddling slightly as you moved.ย
โYouโre carrying the black sheepโs baby, of course it's a big deal.โย
You glared at Satoru as he finally had enough space to walk beside you. โI donโt mean it in a bad way, itโs justโฆ a lot has happened. The man already beats himself up over the whole thing and now one of his students who he has been trying to watch so diligentlyโฆ has hid the fact that sheโs like five months pregnant. That's even more of a mindfuck.โ That made you stop walking for a second, your nonchalant attitude towards it all seemed pretty selfish now that you had heard what Satoru said. โIโฆshitโฆI didnโt think about it like that.โย
โHey, itโs not your fault, youโve had like three whole months to cope with this and sort things out. It's normal for youย now, sometimes itโs hard to see it from new perspectives once youโve gotten so used to it.โ Shoko had listened intently, eyes shifting between you and Satoru. โYouโre awfully philosophical this morning, Satoru.โ The white haired man immediately pushed his glasses further up his nose, cheeks dusting pink as he shrugged. โI dunno, Iโve just had time to think.โ She dropped it, focusing her attention back on you as you seemed to inhale deeply.ย
โIโฆ Iโm still telling him. Iโll be gentle with my delivery but I have to rip off the bandaid.โ And with that you were walking past them again, leaving the two to follow behind you as you carried yourself with a new purpose. โDo you want us to go in with you?โ Shoko asked softly as the three of you crossed the courtyard and entered the building โNoโฆ It's best for it to now be some sort of show.โ You knew theyโd find a way to listen in on the conversation anyways. โAlright but if we hear screaming or the thud of a grown man passing out, weโre coming in.โ Satoru sounded uninterested but you knew him better than to believe his facade.ย
โYeah, got it.โย
With that, you were heading up the steps to the second floor. Yagaโs office was the last door on the left, you couldn't even collect your thoughts enough to practice what you were going to say. At this point, it was better to just let it happen naturally. Your hands smoothed over your covered bump one last time before you stood in front of his doorway โHere goes nothing, little one.โ It was still comforting to you to know your baby was always with you. โPrincipal? Are you in there?โ you knocked softly, hoping your voice carried through the thick wood of the door.ย
โY/N? Yes, Iโm in here, come in.โ You let out a shaky breath, pulling at Satoruโs knit to make sure your bump wasnโt visible at all. You pushed the door open, relishing in the feeling of the cold wood under your fingertips before stepping into his office. โGood morning, principal.โ you spoke softly, shutting the door behind you with a soft click. Yaga was sitting at his desk, papers scattered over his desk and a couple resting in one of his hands. โGood morning, Y/Nโฆ is something wrong?โ You rarely came to his office to speak with him, you knew that much would have his suspicions up within the first seconds.ย
โNothing is wrongโฆper say.โ Your hands clasped behind your back. โBut you need to tell me something, donโt you?โ he questioned softly, setting the papers in hands down as you began to rock on your feet. It felt as if a swarm of butterflies were fluttering around your lungs, making it almost hard to breathe as you nodded in confirmation.ย โPlease, come sit.โ but your feet wouldnโt move, gluing you to the small space where you were rocking back and forth on your heels. โPlease, sir, Iโm very antsy so I think itโs best for me to say this while standing.โย
โA-alright, Y/N youโre making me a bit nervous. So pleaseโฆโ He swallowed, hands clasping together on his desk as he looked at you expectantly. โ...If it is about Suguruโฆโ and you nodded, eyes downcast on the two chairs before his desk. โListen, thisโฆ I donโt even know how to spit this out so forgive me if itโs harsh.โ You cleared your throat, not liking how hoarse it was already sounding. Yaga didnโt answer, instead he nodded his head even though he could tell your focus wasnโt on him. โSuguru and Iโฆ we had been dating since our first year here.โย
โYes, I know that muchโฆโ Soft and unsure, he couldn't quite understand where you were taking this conversation. Though he could certainly guess a handful of routes, what alarmed him most was the fact that Satoru and Shoko werenโt by your side. โWeโฆ We were very serious about each other, Principal. He always spoke to me about getting married, starting a familyโฆโ you looked up at him then, teeth worrying into the side of your cheek as you tried to get the next part out. Yagaโs forehead had creased in worry โOkayโฆ Y/N have you had contact with him since?โย
โI- no, I havenโt heard from him since the letter he left me before he left. No contact sir, thatโs not what Iโm trying to get at anywaysโฆโ You huffed, hands unclasping and reaching up to rub your face as you grew frustrated with yourself. โPrincipal Iโฆ Iโve been hiding something from you for months now and I am no longer able to hide it any longer.โ That had him straightening in his chair, eyes narrowing as he waited for you to continue. You took a shaking breath, knowing there were no words that would make this any less jarring for your principal.ย
โPrincipal Yaga Iโฆโ carefully you grabbed the hem of Satoruโs knit sweater, pulling it tight so it hugged the swell of your baby bump. โ... Iโm twenty weeks pregnant with Suguruโs baby.โย
You watched as the manโs narrow gaze turned considerably wide before softening. โOhโฆwow.โ He cleared his throat, pulling the sunglasses that had been hanging low on his face off all together. You let the knit go slowly, hiding the bump again as your principal reached up to rub his eyes. โAre youโฆ principal are you crying?โ you sounded mildly aghast at the sight. โNo no Iโฆโ but he was. After a moment he set his hands down, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. โIโm sorry I'm sure thatโs not the best reaction to receive after telling someone youโreโฆโย
โYeah itโsโฆ well itโs not as bad as I feared.โ you cut him off, laughing a bit because among all the emotions you could sense, anger was not one of them. โIโm sorry you felt the need to hide this from me forโฆ damn nearly five monthsโฆโ he mulled over the fact that you had said you were twenty weeks into this, well into your second trimester. โI just didnโt know how to go about it sirโฆ only Shoko and Satoru are aware of myโฆ circumstances.โ Yaga nodded, muttering a soft โI figured that much.โ before sighing heavily. โSuguru has no idea.โ he spoke softly, watching you nod with a sad look on your face. โI found out two weeks after heโฆleft.โย
So not only had you been dealing with the defection of your boyfriend -ย whom you loved with your entire being - you had also been reeling with the news of your own pregnancy. โIโฆ youโre so young and youโve already gone through so much.โ Yaga spoke more to himself than you, that didnโt stop you from trying to lighten the mood. โA complicated life comes with the job of being a sorcerer. You know that Principal.โ You laughed, hands finding their home on top of the swell of your stomach. Seeing you smile eased some of Yagaโs concerns.ย
โI supposeโฆ Iโm glad you were able to tell me. Iโฆ take it you wonโt be fitting into your uniform from here on out?โ he looked you over, recognizing the clothes to likely be Satoruโs. โOh yeah, itโs not happening from here on out.โ You laughed a bit โIf itโs alright with you, Iโll be heading into the city with Satoru and Shoko to get some clothes that fit meโฆ I can look for some clothes reminiscent of our uniform.โ you laugh a little more, watching a smile crack on his features. โOr I could see about getting you a uniform altered to fit you as you grow. Either way youโll need some normal clothing that fits youโฆโ he sighed as you nodded.
โYou three be careful, I know youโre all more than capable butโฆ still.โ He sighed, voice raising a little bit โIf either of them get hurt, Iโm blaming you, Satoru.โ Behind you, the wooden door flung open. โHey!โ But, realizing he and Shoko had been caught for eavesdropping, Satoruโs cheeks flushed pink. You whirled around, bursting out in laughter as Shokoโs hand covered her own mouth in attempts of hiding her own giggles. โI stand by what I saidโฆ Now go, have fun.โ He sighed, arms unfolding as he sat forward in his chair to continue mulling over paperwork.ย
โAlright, thank you, Principal. I appreciate you for being so understanding.โย
He gave you a warm smile and a soft nod, watching you exit with the other two. Once Yagaโs door was shut with a soft click, once he heard your voices and feet fading down the hall, his smile dropped. โThat poor girlโฆโ he wasnโt mad that you were pregnant, nor was he mad that you had hidden it from him. He was more so sad that you had felt the need to hide it, especially regarding your circumstances with Suguru and all.ย
Which opened a whole new can of worms, he couldn't quite believe that you would keep such news from Suguruโฆ maybe thatโs why heโd noticed Shoko and Satoru always by your side.ย
Maybe it wasnโt just to support a dear friend going through heartbreak. Perhaps they felt it too, felt that you were going to slip through their fingers just as Suguru had.ย
โ
โAre you sure clothes shopping is the task you really want to complete right now?โ Shoko puffed out smoke as she talked to you, navigating the busy sidewalks with ease as Satoru led the way. โIt needs to be done, I canโt wear Satoruโs clothing forever.โ Shoko understood that ideology and all, but you had been ready to blow your brains out this morning over a linen dress shirt not buttoning. At this rate, she was certain just about any clothing not fitting you would get you worked up like the world was ending. โShe can borrow my clothes any time.โย
Satoru laughed as he looked back at you, finding it hysterical that even with the sweats tied, you had to keep pulling them up. At this point, they were nearly at your chest, relying solely on your stomach to keep them from falling down. โAll due respect, Toru. I look like a fucking clown in these pantsโฆ your tops may not be safe from me but I need pants that fit.โ Satoru shook his head, an amused smile as he finally found the clothing store you loved.ย
โYou can help yourself to my shirts and sweaters any time, Y/N. You know that.โ You scrunch your nose, shaking your head a bit as you stop in front of a store he had walked right past. โIโll try this one first.โ You could hear Shoko laugh as the automatic doors open for you, Satoruโs feet slapping the pavement as he stomped back to where you were. โDonโt get pissy cause you strolled right by, Toru.โ But he only grumbled, falling to the side as Shoko shoved him teasingly.ย
You spent the next fifteen minutes browsing the racks, finding things in various sizes that youโd unfortunately have to try on. All the while, Satoru had found his home on a bench in the middle of the bustling store, his legs crossed as he sorted through things on his phone. โI think this one will be cute, but youโll have to try it on in this size and this size.โ Shoko handed you a knit sweater similar to the one you were already wearing, a smile on her face as she spotted something else. โWeโll have to find a proper maternity store.โย
Shoko mumbled as she filled through the racks again for the article of clothing in your size range. โSatoru, go see if they have a baby store around here.โ Shoko ordered the man who didnโt move a muscle. โYeah, no way.โ You snickered as you dropped a few more items on his lap. Dutifully, he held them there with one hand while looking at his small phone screen. โIโll just go ask one of the employees here.โ you wandered off after saying that, hearing Shoko scold Satoru for making the pregnant woman go look for help.ย
You moved with ease through the busy aisles, walking past the floor to length mirrors as you did so. Just beyond the windows was the busy sidewalks of downtown Tokyo, mid-day sun making it look much later than it was due to the shortening days. You werenโt sure what possessed you to be so observant as you walked the length of the store, really you should have been looking for an associate. But there, across the street, visible between the people passing by, was a person you would recognize anywhere. You felt your heart stop at the sight.ย
You questioned it for only a split second, feet frozen in place as you watched two young girls come bouncing out of a cafe with drinks in hand. He smiled at them, a smile you had only been able to see in your dreams, before turning to head down the sidewalk with them in tow. It took you all of two seconds to collect yourself enough to move. Without thinking much beyond the fact that Suguru was across the street from you, you moved as fast as your feet could carry you without breaking out into an all out sprint.ย
You couldnโt hear anything beyond the ringing in your ears, had you been able to you would have heard the confused calls of your name from Shoko and Satoru as they watched you run out the door. You couldn't breath as you moved down the sidewalk, eyes laser focusing on the back of Suguruโs head as he moved among the many bobbing heads. Your inability to breathe in that moment stopped you from calling out to him, though you doubt he would have been able to hear you anyways. Still, you pushed through the people flooding the sidewalk, not acknowledging a single disgruntled look as your feet carried you towards him.ย
Move. Move faster. Fucking move faster!
You screamed inside of your own mind, ignoring the way your body screamed in protest from the amount of physical movement. For the first time in months, Suguru was in your reach and yet you couldnโt seem to close the distance. It was like some nightmare, no matter how fast you moved, Suguru never seemed to get any closer to you. Yet, you still saw the back of his head, he was still there, you wouldnโt give up until you couldnโt see him anymore. It was creeping up on you with each and every step, the deep rooted heartbreak from his departure.ย
For some reason, it felt like you were ripping open a wound that hadnโt even begun to heal yet. Yanking each carefully placed stitch with nothing more than dull fingernails. It came undone easily, blood leaking out in time with the pounding of your heart as Suguruโs head disappeared around the corner of an intersection. A feeble cry of โNo!โ left your lips, just as labored as your breathing as you reached the end of the sidewalk and looked right in the direction he had turned. But, there was no sight of him anymore, gone from your view once again.ย
You felt the steady build in your chest, creeping up your throat as you felt the urge to sob violently where you stood. Yet the tears wouldnโt come, catching somewhere in your throat so you truly felt like there was no air in your lungs. โWhat the fuck was that?โ Satoruโs voice pulled you from your daze, your head turning to see a concerned Shoko and Satoru panting as they caught up to where you now stood. Yet, you couldnโt hold Satoruโs bewildered gaze for long, eyes returning to the street once more. โIโฆโ you started, barely hearing yourself as you spoke.ย
โI sawโฆ I saw him. It was him.โ you managed to spit out, lips parted as you tried to force air in your lungs. โHim? As in Suguru?โ Shoko spoke for Satoru, had you been able to turn your head and meet his gaze you would have seen that he had turned as pale as a sheet of paper. You could only muster a nod, shoulders shaking with the force of your breathing as you tried to ground yourself in reality once again. So many emotions were running rampant through your head that it was turning into a dull buzz where none of them could make their way up to the surface.ย
โYouโreโฆ positive it was him?โ Shoko closed what little distance there was, hand resting on your bicep as if she was afraid youโd take off running again. โP-positive. Iโd know him anywhereโฆ The little girls were with him too.โ You felt your baby kick, your hand flying up to rest on the swell of your stomach as you were finally grounded by their movement. โSorry honeyโฆ I didnโt mean to scare you.โ you spoke downwards, soothing your hand over the knit sweater to comfort the child within your womb. You doubted it would really comfort them, more so it was to comfort you.
You pulled your gaze away from the busy street, head turning to look at Satoru but the man was already taking off in the direction you had claimed to see Suguru go. โS-satoru?โ Shokoโs head turned with yours, watching him stalk down the busy sidewalk. โHeโฆโ You started, but your voice sounded hollow as Shoko began guiding you back in the direction you had come from. โButโฆ heโฆโ Your head followed Satoru until Shoko had guided you away from the intersection and down the sidewalk. โLeave him be.โ Shoko spoke slowly, head trained forward.
โBut heโฆ Satoruโฆโ Shoko cut you off with a tug a little harder than the others โSatoru is a big boy, you are pregnant. You are in no condition to be booking it out of a store and into the busy road, did you even bother looking before you crossed the street?โ For the first time ever, you could hear anger in Shokoโs words. Your silence was more than enough of an answer for her, a scoff leaving her lips as she pulled you over to a small area cut off from the endless streams of people making their way through the cityโs center. โYou cannot fucking do that, Y/N.โ
But she could tell by the look in your eyes that you were anywhere but this moment in time.ย
โYou are pregnant. Carrying a baby inside of your body, who is reliant on you and you alone to keep them safe. You almost got hit by a fucking car. Do you even know that? You ran out into that street in front of cars Y/N.โ Shokoโs voice wavered, to add to the many firsts that were occurring in these moments, her voice had begun to waver. As if she were scaredโฆ in truth she was. She had nearly witnessed you and your unborn baby be killed and yet you were completely oblivious. You caught sight of Suguru and you had left everything behind.ย
Somewhere in the back of your mind, amidst all the buzzing in your head and ringing in your ears, you were processing the gravity of the situation. Your actions had so blatantly given away your inner thoughts, thoughts you hadnโt intended on letting out. You would, without fail, everytime, follow that man if given the chance. It made your heart ache, the same deep rooted ache that you were certain would never leave you until he was in your arms again. โSatoruโฆโ Shoko spoke softly, your head whipping in the direction Shoko was looking.ย
Satoru was making his way back up the sidewalk, face pale and eyes hollow. โI lost him.โ he spoke softly, somehow still audible over the roaring of the city. โYou saw him?โ Shoko questioned, her grip on your bicep lowering to your wrist because she really couldnโt trust you to not run away from her. โOnly for a moment, he was getting into a car. The thing was driving off by the time I reached the spot where it had been parked.โ Then, finally, knowing he was long gone by now, you could breathe again. The urge to run was gone, leaving you drained.ย
โI want to go home.โย
โYeah, me too.โ Satoru uttered softly, arm coming up to rub the back of his neck. He seemed just as disconnected as you felt, leaving Shoko to look between the two of you in concern. โIโll call for the car.โ She pulled out her phone, clicking a number she had on speed dial and waited. Your day had effectively been ruined, leaving you and Satoru in shambles all over again. โWe can try this again another dayโฆ but you need clothes that fit sooner than later.โ Shoko knew she was practically speaking to herself at this point, flipping her phone shut and shoving it in her pocket.ย
The three of you stood quietly off to the side, waiting for the car to pull up to the curb and take you home. Your mind was still reeling of course, so many thoughts at once that it had essentially gone blank. But there, amidst the haze of your confusion, one question was burning brightly. โWhy didnโt you use infinity?โ Your tone was gravelly, eyes meeting Satoruโs dissociated gaze. โ...what?โ he questioned back as if there was no air in his lungs as he spoke. โWhy didnโt you use infinity?โ you say it again, a little stronger this time.ย
You had no intentions for it to come out accusatory, nor did you mean it to be rude. You were just stupidly unaware at that moment, your brain so clouded that it had reduced you to nothing. โWhy didnโt you use your curse technique?โ he countered, knowing your own technique would not have been able to stop Suguru from getting out of your grasp. โWhy didnโt you look before crossing the street? Why didnโt you run faster?โ Satoru spat at you when you didnโt answer, regret dawning in the back of his mind when he saw your eyes brim with tears.ย
โThat is enough, Satoru.โ Shoko interjected before you could even mumble out a feeble response, sniffling harshly as you rubbed your watering eyes. โYou are both hurt. There is no god damn point in sitting here asking the other why they didnโt do something because itโs done and over with now.โ Shokoโs head was focused on Satoru, glaring at the man harshly as he schooled his features into stoic disinterest. โBetter yet, you two were so fucking shell shocked by his sudden appearance that you lost all sense of reason, so there. Thatโs why infinity wasnโt used.โย
But still, Shoko was staring at Satoru. It angered you a bit, sniffling a little harder as you couldnโt seem to control the watery whimpers that fell from wobbling lips. She should be mad at both of you, and instead she was primarily scolding Satoru and treating you as a frail object. But, given your hopeless and teary eyed gaze, Satoru didnโt blame Shoko for focusing her anger on him. He regretted it almost as soon as he spoke the words out loud, having read your intentions wrong. But he couldnโt swallow his pride and apologize for it just yet, still too overwhelmed.ย
You were both saved from her wrath due to the car pulling up to the curb. โWeโre going home, and you two are sitting in the back seat.โ she tugged you along, reaching for Satoruโs wrist and tugging him too. โWeโll figure out your clothing situation another day.โ She grumbled as she pulled the door open for you โfor now, just wear Satoruโs clothesโฆ or Suguruโs.โ she added the last bit softly, glancing up to see Satoru shoot her a look as he rounded the car to get in on the other side. โNext time, itโll just be the two of us going out.โย
You only nodded, sinking into the soft back seat of the schoolโs car and letting Shoko shut the door for you. Satoru settled in beside you, making a point to keep his distance and look out the window as the car began to drive off. You ignored it, not in the right headspace to even tackle what the manโs withdrawn behavior could really mean. Youโd just assume he was upset with you until he was ready to talk, because right now all you wanted was your own bed, in your own room, and to sleep until you couldnโt remember why your heart was so heavy in the first place.
โ
December 24th, 2007 [1:00pm]
twenty five weeks.ย
You were twenty five weeks into your pregnancy which meant you had roughly fourteen weeks left until your baby was born. Still, Suguru had no idea. Over half way through your pregnancy and the father of your baby had no idea you were even pregnant. โItโs christmas eve, little one.โ You spoke softly as you sat alone in your dorm room, one of your own sweaters sitting snugly on your body, your pregnant belly was too big to hide at this point. โI canโt believe youโre going to get biggerโฆโ you cooed softly, rubbing your stomach as you sat at your desk.ย
You haven't really been speaking to anyone, especially after your near encounter with Suguru back at the end of November. You and Satoru had made up to an extent, but you could still feel a strain on your relationship. That strain was leaking into your relationship with Shoko as well, isolating you from the feeling of comfort the two once brought you. You had ended up sleeping in your own room that night, not responding at first to either of them when they pressed you. โI just need space to think.โ you had finally caved late that night when Shoko wouldnโt stop texting.ย
You hadnโt returned to either of their beds since, finding comfort in your not so alone solitude. You had your baby with you - in you - you were never truly alone nowadays. For some reason, neither of them pushed you further about the sudden switch of wanting to be alone. In the following weeks of Suguruโs deflection, you couldnโt stand being in your once lively dorm roomโฆ despite not being able to drag yourself out of bed most mornings. Now, Satoru and Shoko saw you sparsely, so long as you were on campus, they supposed it was alright to leave you alone.ย
It took a few days for the realization to settle in, but your reaction to seeing Suguru again had really done a number on them. โIโll be out of their hair soon enoughโฆโ You murmured to your quiet room, pen scratching the notepad on your desk fervently as you expressed your sorrow.ย A faint smile was present on your lips as you wrote down your goodbye note to Shoko, a weight slowly being lifted off of your tired shoulders with each sentence you neatly scribbled down.ย
You would be leaving Jujutsu Tech tonight.
And if you could help it, you would never be coming back.ย
That was your final decision roughly one week after the whole incident, the guilt of feeling like a burden had been weighing on you since. You would be going to see him tonight, for the first time in four months you would be seeing Suguruโฆ but he would have no idea it was you. It was all planned out, like clockwork really, you had worked through every fine detail of your departure. Your bag was packed and shoved under your bed, a duffle filled with some sentimental clothing items, your personal belongings and things that meant a lot to you.ย
Most of your dorm room would be staying behind, just as Suguru had.ย
You were - intentionally and not at the very same time - following in his footsteps. Albeit youโd have it a little harder because you had a funny feeling Satoru, Shoko, and Yaga already suspected you were ready to jump shipโฆ they just didnโt know when. You set your pen down for a moment, stretching each finger and flexing your hand to shake out the wariness. You would be leaving soon after the sun had set, while everyone who was still present on campus attended the annual christmas party. You would feign a migraine, something you had been doing quite frequently so it wouldnโt come off too strange when Shoko or Satoru came knocking.
Once you were certain the dorms were empty, you and your baby would be off. Only two pit stops on your way out the door, Shokoโs dorm and Satoruโs dorm, so you could leave them your letters before disappearing into the night.ย The first stop after that would be the hotel room you had booked in Shinjuku, youโd place your bag there and get ready. You would be meeting with Suguru at 6pm, under an alias and disguise. You had called his assistant on a pay phone only a few days ago, begging for an appointment on christmas eve with the โmighty healerโ taking pity on you, she ran it by Suguru and he agreed.ย
The only reason you were doing this under a disguise was because you needed to get your emotions sorted. If you saw him for the first time again in months, face to face with nowhere to run, you were positive you would break down immediately. So, youโd ease into things as best you could. If things worked out, you would only have to live inside a hotel room for less than a week. But if things didnโt work out like you prayed they would, you and your baby would figure it out as you went. You just couldnโt bear the weight of your guilt any longer, you felt as if you were dragging everyone down.ย
Carefully, your pen was picked up and you began scratching your thoughts. Satoruโs letter has been finished for three days now, sitting neatly in an envelope on your bottom drawer. You were finishing Shokoโs now, front and back of each paper so the letter itself was nearly four pages long. Satoru was shorter, a single page because if you let yourself get carried away, you were certain you would run out of paper before you could finish your thoughts. Your teeth sunk into the flesh of your lower lip, worrying it deeply as you tried to conclude her letter.ย
Your pen froze on the paper as you stared at what you had written, for some reason it was hitting you now. Tears were welling in your eyes as you sniffled, trying to blink them away while trying to avoid them landing on the paper and soiling it. โCโmon nowโฆ it would be so unfair to her to litter this with my tears.โ You pushed the paper away, getting up from your desk to make your way into the bathroom. Splashing cold water on your face seemed like the best solution, bending over the sink as best you could you let the water pool in your hands.ย
A couple rounds later you were able to regain your composure, reaching for the towel you kept hanging on the wall and using it to dry your face. You stood in the all too bright lights of your bathroom, looking at your reflection just to find it felt foreign for a moment. Twenty five weeks into your pregnancy, your stomach had certainly popped at this point, making it hard for you to believe it would continue to get bigger. โThe human body is fascinating.โ you muttered softly, turning to the side so you could see how you looked with your sweater on. โYouโll be difficult to conceal, little one. Though, your daddy wonโt know itโs meโฆโย
You were still going to put effort into trying to hide your pregnancy. That was a part of your plan you truly couldnโt explain, it just didnโt feel right waltzing in there with your pregnant belly on display while he had no idea it was you and his child. โLetโs finish Auntie Shokoโs letter, shall we?โ You needed to get through it, you had no time to really delay things further. The sun would be setting in a few hours, the party would start at five, you had four hours total left for your time at Jujutsu Tech. Not a single second of it could be wasted.ย
You sat down again, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth as you picked up the pen with shaky hands. You reread everything you had written thus far, all the way up to your half done sentence. You picked it up front here, finishing your thoughts and concluding the letter within twenty minutes. With a labored sigh of relief, you pulled another envelope out of your drawer and folded the letter neatly, slipping it inside and sealing it. Your hand trembled tenfold as you wrote Shokoโs name neatly on the back. โDoneโฆ itโs done.โย
December 24th, 2007 [3:30pm]
You had drawn your blinds, got a hot pack ready, set medicine and a glass of water on your nightstand. Now, you laid in near darkness, counting down the seconds until Shoko or Satoru appeared at your door. You had planted the first seed an hour prior, telling Shoko you felt a migraine coming on over text and that youโd have to lay down for a bit to see if it would pass. She had responded with an โokayโ and let you know she or Satoru would be checking on you within the hour. If they stayed true to their word, it would be any time now.ย
You passed the time by looking out your window, despite the blinds being drawn you could still see slivers of the darkening sky. โWinter is such a melancholic season, little one.โ not even evening yet and the sky was changing from blue to orange and finally fading into indigo. โIโm glad you wonโt be born in the dead of winterโฆ rather somewhere in early spring.โ It was odd to think that the year was nearly through, that Christmas was looming just hours away. This was arguably the least festive Christmas you had ever experienced.ย
โYa know, this isnโt how I thought my first pregnancy would go.โ You whisper to your empty room, knowing it didnโt matter how quietly you talked, your baby would hear you. At least, thatโs what you liked to think, that one thought always brought you comfort. โI swear mommy is going to fix this, my little love. You will be so cherished and so loved by me and your daddy.โ You exhaled slowly, not expecting your own rambling to tug at your chest the way it did. โSoon, soon my little love, soon it will be okay.โ You tried to swallow the lump in your throat as you struggled to roll onto your side, placing the hotpack on your head once more.ย
It took all of five minutes for footsteps to approach your door, a gentle rasp of fingers hitting the wood and a soft call of your name. โCome in.โ You didnโt have to try and sound weak, the frog in your throat aiding you. โWell, this is a depressing Christmas eveโฆ how are you?โ You struggled to roll over yet again, squinting as the hall light flooded your room, silhouetting Satoruโs lanky figure. โNot good, I donโt think Iโll be able to go, Satoru.โ You could see him shifting from foot to foot. โDo youโฆ want me to stay with you?โ and for a moment you had to school your expression from the sheer panic that nearly pulled your features.ย
โN-no, god that would be useless. Go enjoy your christmas eve, I have my pain meds and Iโve got some pregnancy safe sleeping meds. Iโll be out like a light within the next hour. Have fun, Satoru.โ You urged him, praying he wouldnโt be stubborn. Reluctantly, you heard him sigh. โAre you positive?โ You werenโt sure why him giving up so easily made your heart ache. For the sake of your plan, you couldnโt let him stay. But, for some reason, it made your chest heavy that he didnโt put up more of a fight. So differentโฆ Why are things so different? โPositive.โ You gave him a weak smile, still squinting because of the hall light.
โAlrightโฆ wellโฆ merry christmas, Y/N. Iโll give everyone your well wishes.โย
โThank you, Satoruโฆ Merry christmas.โย
You watched him leave, a gentle click of your door shutting flowed by his feet padding down the hallway again. It wasnโt until silence was the only thing ringing in your ears that the choked sobs you had tried to hold off all day came forward. You couldnโt catch your breath with the force of them, clutching your chest as you curled in on your side. Deep, guttural sobs shook your frame until they turned completely silent. In the dark of your room, you gasped for air that would not enter your lungs. Your cries so wheezy and silent that you were certain you would pass out if you could not get a grip and catch your breath.ย
It hurtsโฆ god it fucking hurtsโฆ What went wrong? Where did I go so horribly wrong? Your own thoughts seem to bounce off the cavern of your skull, echoing in your ears as hot tears ruined your pillowcase. You forced yourself into a sitting position despite your body screaming in protest, your babyโs fluttering kicks urging you to relax before you sent them into distress along with you. โI'm sorryโฆIโm sorry.โ You could barely speak, stumbling out of your bed and towards your bathroom, blindly searching for the knob as your vision was clouded with tears.ย
All you could think about was cold water, splashing cold water on your face would ground you for a moment. Though, cold water certainly could not cure a breaking heart. Your slowly swelling eyes remained shut as you flicked on the LED lights of your bathroom, blindly walking to your sink and turning the cold water on. It contrasted starkly with the hot tears that had been streaming down your cheeks, filling your nose and making it run. You hated it, every second of it, so utterly hopeless and confused. You never wanted to leave on a bad note, but it didn't seem like something that could be helped. Not now at leastโฆย
You bent down, eyes opening a fraction to see the crystal clear water pool in your cupped hands before overflowing. After a moment, you splashed it up on your face, gasping as it seemed to shock your system out of its haze. You did it again, and again, and again, until the tears stopped and you could breathe without needing to think about it. โThere we goโฆ Iโm so sorry, little one. Mommy didnโt mean to frighten you like thatโฆโ Slowly, your babyโs hyperactivity slowed, relaxing with your calming heart. โIโm still learningโฆ I promise Iโll get the hang of it.โย
โYou are pregnant. Carrying a baby inside of your body, who is reliant on you and you alone to keep them safe. You almost got hit by a fucking car.โ
Shokoโs words still hung heavy on you from that day. Ever since, you have become all too aware of your baby. Especially since you had begun spending so much time alone, every waking thought was about them and their well being. Even at doctorโs appointments you were certain Shoko only accompanied you so you wouldnโt use it as a chance to run off. โI think itโs almost time for us to go, little one.โ You had told your doctor that you didnโt want to know the gender, as much as it killed you to wait. You wanted Suguru present when it was revealed.ย
With a heavy sigh youย grabbed a towel, drying your face and tossing it in the hamper to never be washed. Your mind was still filled with ten million and one thoughts, but you needed to try and stay level headed if you wanted to get off of campus without being spotted. You gave your bathroom one last glance over, three years this room had been your home. After tonight, you would likely never see it again. With a small amount of hesitation, you flicked off the lights and shut the door. Now you were faced with every step that needed to be taken to pull this all off.ย
The first step was to lock your door, you couldnโt bring yourself to breathe until you did so. Crossing the short distance, you held the knob title and turned the lock until it clicked. That pulled a fraction of the stress off of your shoulders, allowing you to move a little more freely about your bedroom as you got yourself ready. You werenโt particularly in a rush, though the racing of your heart certainly made you feel like you should be. It took you about twenty minutes to sort through the contents of your bag before throwing a few more things inside of it.ย
By now the sun had set, 4:00pm was staring at you in big red letters on your nightstand.ย
Iโve got time. You spoke to yourself, shuffling over to your desk to pull the bottom drawer open. You had been strategic, burning and disposing of any information you had kept hidden in there. Not that there was truly anything worthwhile, you just felt a bit paranoid leaving it behind. Now, all that was left were the two letters youโd be placing in their dorm rooms. This was how youโd make sure they had actually left for the party. You had plenty of excuses made up in the event they were still inside their respective dorm rooms. โAlright little one, letโs go.โย
You carefully placed the letters inside of your coat, shielding them from unwanted eyes in the event things turned for the worse. You tried to move with no real direction, if you seemed intent on getting somewhere, it would easily give you away. At least thatโs what you figured while unlocking your door and heading out into the quiet hallway. Squinting, playing the part of someone who had a raging migraine, you shuffled down the hall towards Shokoโs bedroom. Your sock covered feet seemed to echo with each soft tap, your body carrying you down the halls you had considered your one and only home for nearly three years.ย
โShoko?โ you knocked on her door, speaking loud enough that if anyone was in there, theyโd hear you. After a moment of no answer, you grabbed the knob and pushed it open. Shokoโs room was dark, all lights off save for the festive holiday lights she had strung up around the perimeter of her dorm room. Itโs really been that longโฆ I had no idea she even did thisโฆ the weight of that realization made it hard to breathe again, chest tight as you made your way forward while tugging the envelope with her name on it out of your coat. Her room once felt so safe to you, so homey and secureโฆ Now it felt as if you were walking into a strangerโs dorm.ย
It was astonishing how quickly relationships could change over one โsmallโ event in time.ย
Your heart was still pounding in your chest as you dropped the note on her desk. You didnโt want to waste another second, turning on your heels and shutting the door as if you had never been in there to begin with. Next was Satoru, his room just a little ways down the hall. Your feet seemed to move slower than before, one hand resting on the swell of your stomach as you waddled to the door you had opened and shut so many times over the years youโd never be able to keep count. You could feel it again, the frog forming in your throat as you held your hand up.ย
But you stopped mid-way to the door, you never knocked before entering Satoruโs dorm room. That would immediately raise suspicions if he still happened to be inside. So, one last time, for old time sake, you pushed into his unlocked dorm room and heaved a heavy sigh as you were greeted with nothing in return. Satoru had left his desk lamp on, leaving the room in a golden glow despite nobody being inside. You couldnโt understand why you felt disappointed about the fact that he wasnโt there. Just as you couldnโt describe the heaviness in your chest when he didnโt put up a fight only a little while ago. Such stupid emotionsโฆ stupid stupid stupid.ย
You shut his door behind you as you entered his dorm for what would be the very last time. It seemed to suck the air from your lungs as you stepped further into the room you had once been so familiar with. Only a few weeks had passed and yet you felt as if an eternity had expanded across the short period of time. It almost felt foreign as you stepped towards the bed you had spent so many nights in, eyes roaming over his disheveled covers from his hazardous bed making skills. You pulled the letter out of your coat, laughing a bit as you realized your stupid mistake, not that it mattered now. Youโd be out the door in less than ten minutes.ย
You left the envelope neatly on his pillow, holding back tears as you turned away and walked out of the room all together. There was no point in reminiscing, no point in wishing for things to return to how they once were, you needed to do what you deemed best for yourself and your child. That meant being with your babyโs father, that meant doing what you could to rebuild the things Suguru had destroyed. For some reason, that seemed easier than staying at Jujutsu Tech. You pulled Satoruโs door shut, adrenaline flooded your veins as you processed the fact that all you had left to do now was grab your few things and leave.ย
You moved down the hall quickly, feet carrying you faster than they had in a long while. Every step you took, out in the open, felt like you were begging for someone to accidentally stumble upon you. You could heave a sigh of relief as your dorm door was in sight once again. You pushed into your dorm room again, throat feeling dry as you grabbed the duffle bag off of your bed and slung it over your shoulder. You looked around one last time, pregnancy hormones making you suddenly sentimental over everything youโd be leaving behind. They are nothing more than inanimate belongings, get a hold on reality. You scolded yourself as your eyes welled with tears, youโd have plenty of time in the future to gain new sentiment over such trivial things.ย
Right now, you need to get out. He was waiting for you, unknowingly Suguru was waiting for you. Youโd be damned if you gave up the opportunity now. With a heavy heart, you crossed the distance one last time and turned off the lights of your dorm before stepping into the hall. With a click that felt almost deafening, it was time for you to make your way out of the dorm building without gaining any unwanted attention. You placed everything on your fellow classmates being at that damned christmas party, you just prayed it was a safe bet to make. You moved equally as fast as you had moments prior, feet carrying you and your child down the wooden halls you could no longer call your home. Each step seemed to creak loudly as it bounced off empty walls.ย
Your feet hit the landing of the first floor and you felt like theyโd give out beneath you, Everything was too silent, though you supposed that should be a good thing for your sake. It made you feel uneasy regardless, every fiber of your being seemed to come alive with each step you took. The air in your lungs seemed to be frozen as your hands met the cool metal of the back door, one push and your fate would be sealed. For the first time that day, you didnโt second guess a single action you made, pushing it open to be greeted with a gush of cold air.ย
Freedom.
Had you not been so heavily pregnant, you would have taken off in an all out sprint. You didnโt realize how badly you ached to do so until the ability was taken from you. Instead, you moved as fast as your feet would allow you to, hand resting on your stomach to try and minimize the amount of bouncing the action was causing you. You would be off campus within seconds, out into the real world and on the subway before you could process it. It seemed as if the universe put wind on your sail again, the only thing thundering in your ears was the sound of your own racing heart. It was within your reach, so close you could taste it, the happiness you so desperately longed to feel again, it was coming back.ย
โY/N?โย
You stopped short, the air leaving your lungs just as it had left your metaphorical sail. You turned slowly, bracing yourself for who youโd see calling your name. Much to your surprise, it was the last person you had expected to see. โ...Nanami?โ The blonde was looking you over with creased brows, nodding a bit as you stated the obvious. โYeah, itโs me uhโฆwow.โ he commented softly, taking a timid step towards you. โI came for the party though I didnโt really want toโฆ I see youโve got a lot going on.โ He cleared his throat, it dawned on you in that moment that he had no idea you were pregnant until this very second. โI-yeah. You could put it like that.โย
โItโs Suguruโs, isnโt it?โ he questioned softly, finally dragging his eyes from the swell of your stomach and up to your face. โIt is, he just doesnโt know it yet.โ Yet. Nanami wasnโt stupid, seeing the duffle bag slung over your shoulder he knew you were leaving. โI take it thatโs where youโre heading now?โ his voice was achingly quiet, though he had never been one to talk loudly. โItโฆ yeah it is. Iโฆummโฆ Nanami, they donโt know Iโm leaving.โ You started, your throat feeling dry as you tried to figure out how to proceed. โYouโre not coming back.โ he stated it more than questioned. Carefully, you nodded. โIโm not coming back.โ you repeated with a sad smile.ย
โI understand. Trust me, if anyone is to understand where youโre coming from with that logic, itโs me.โ You felt the tension melting from your shoulders โNanami, promise me you wonโt say a wordโฆ I left them letters I justโฆ I canโt have them stopping me now. Not when my mind is made up.โ The blonde nodded slowly, eyes roaming over your body and back to your baby bump. โYou have to do what you think is best for you and your baby. If leaving this all behind, if going to Suguru is what you deem best, then nobody has the right to disagree with you.โ He stated it matter-of-factly to you, arms crossing as a gentle smile crossed his face.ย
โTake care of yourself, and your baby, Y/N. Tell Suguru I said hello, and I promise your secret is safe with me.โ As quickly as it started, it seemed to stop. Nanami had always been a man of purpose. โI willโฆ thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, Nanami.โ The blonde nodded, still smiling a bit as he turned away from you. โThis never happened, Iโm sure youโre on a tight schedule.โ But his tone was lighter for once, making you smile a bit as you uttered out a soft โyeahโฆ see you later, Nanami.โ You took off again, feet carrying you down the dirt paths with ease. Unknowingly to you, Nanami was watching you go, not moving from his spot until you had disappeared from his sight. He sighed deeply before finally moving the other way.ย
ย โI hope you find your peace, Y/N.โย
December 24th, 2007 [4:45pm]ย
You held onto the iron pole of the subway cart as it barreled down the tracks. Standing where you were now, surrounded by people heading home to spend the holidays with their families, fluorescent lights nearly blinding, you felt unreal. As if this was all a figment of your imagination and youโd wake up in your bed, in your dorm room, hopelessly alone again. It hadnโt been until you arrived at the station that you realized just how suffocated you had felt at Jujutsu Tech. Satoru and Shoko had been so strict in hopes of keeping you from flying the nest, instead it had the polar opposite effect. I guess I should thank them.ย
You didnโt hold any malice towards the two, but it did sting when you thought of how quickly they changed. You could, arguably, understand where they were coming from. By no means were claiming innocence to anything that had gone down between the three of you. It was crazy to you how less than forty five minutes of freedom was already giving you a level head and better perspective. Though you doubted youโd be able to cling onto sanity for much longer, with each minute that ticked by you were closer to seeing Suguru. That alone made your heart swell.ย
Based on the lights above your head, youโd be at Shinjuku Station in less than three minutes. From there it would be taking a taxi to the hotel you had booked a room at. Then, so long as check-in went smoothly, youโd be in your room and getting ready before 5:30. You knew Suguruโs religious group was a fifteen minute walk from your hotel, but a taxi would get you there in five. Either way, youโd get there by 6pm, you didnโt care how. Your heart was thumping erratically, you knew youโd need to disconnect your phone once you got off the train.ย
You prayed with each passing second that you wouldnโt feel it buzz, that nobody would ring your line because truthfully you didnโt think youโd be able to handle knowing they knew. Youโd rather be selfishly, blissfully unaware of when their worlds came crashing down for a second time. You would need to destroy your phone once you arrived at the station, you could worry about buying a new one after the holidays had passed. Truthfully, there was no reason for you to remain in contact with anyone anymore, what was done was done and that was simply it. It did make your heart ache though, but you were a big girl, you made the bed and you now had to sleep in it.ย
The subway cart came to a halt, sending you forward a bit as your clammy hand gripped the pole a little harder. An automated voice came over the speaker to announce that you had arrived at Shinjuku station. With that, the doors were sliding open, crowds of people moving to exit the train just as people flooded to enter it. Luckily for you, people could see your state, knowing you were pregnant, many moved out of the way just a bit to accommodate you as you walked by. You had ended up standing the whole train ride despite many offering you their seats. You had assured them you were fine, antsy even and it would help your nerves to stand.ย
Your feet felt as heavy as led as you carried yourself through the brightly lit station towards the escalators that would carry you back up to street level. With your phone clutched tightly in your hand, you activated your curse technique. You could feel it now, the metal and glass that made up your flip phone crushed until it resembled nothing more than a flattened soda can. Completely unusable, utterly destroyed. You dropped it in a passing trash can, body feeling significantly lighter now that there was no way for them to directly contact you. Your feet hit the moving platform a second later, carrying you upwards, a step closer to your goal.ย
December 24th, 2007 [5:45pm]ย
You were early, you couldnโt help it. You had taken as little time as possible once you arrived at your hotel room, throwing together an imperfect disguise. You had managed to successfully hide your pregnancy, a disposable face mask was hiding the lower half of your face. Suguru would recognize your eyes, you knew that, so even though the sun had long ago set, you slotted a pair of sunglasses over your face. Your hair was neatly tucked under a beanie, the hood on your sweatshirt being dragged overtop. You had to wonder if this appearance would raise any suspicions with him, but you had to assume he was used to people being ashamed of wanting to be โhealedโ. Either way, you prayed he wouldnโt question it.ย
Your weight shifted from foot to foot, eyes peering up at the looming and honestly overwhelming building that made up the temple. You had a handful of steps you would need to climb to reach the entrance, which had been part of your desire to get here as soon as you could manage. Climbing up stairs had become your mortal enemy at this point, one flight in and you were wheezing for air. โBear with me, little one.โ You let your hand smooth over your stomach one last time before starting your torturous climb. Each step was shaky, your breath warm on your face as the mask shielded you from the cool air. Still, labored breathing was enough to have faint puffs of your breath turning visible in the air.ย
The added layers werenโt helping your cause, either. But you would manage, all because Suguru was just beyond the walls of the temple that loomed before you. For months you had to live with the fact that he was alive and well within miles of you. Just out of your reach, leaving you to pick up the shattered pieces of the life you had so carefully tried to build. You had been angry, sad, depressed and disappointed. You had gone through every stage of grief and then some. But right now, as you ascended these steps, it suddenly didnโt seem to matter anymore. How foolish you could become when blinded by such devoted love. โAre you here to meet with Master Geto?โ
You glanced up at the sound of a womanโs voice, recognizing it from when you spoke on the phone a dew days prior. โI-I am.โ you huffed out, finally reaching the top of the platform in which the temple rested upon. โYouโre quite early, Mast Geto will appreciate this.โ She smiled warmly at you but you could tell by the ugly crinkle in her smile lines that it was forced. โIโm glad.โ You managed to squeeze out, trying to calm your racing heart as your babyโs kicks fluttered around your stomach. Always so active. You mused to yourself as the woman turned away from you. โHeโll likely be waiting already, he just finished with a client. Youโre the last for the year. Quite the honor if I say so myself. Youโre very lucky.โ Very lucky, huh?
You didnโt have to bother hiding your amused smirk, the face mask providing you all the security you needed as she guided you towards the templeโs entrance. โI hope you donโt mind my appearance.โ You started, testing the waters to see how poorly she thought of you based on one glance. โItโs alright, Master Geto understands some of the people that come to him are doing so against their familyโs wishes. Anonymity is welcomed in his eyes.โ You felt your brow twitch, humming out a โoh goodโ as the temple doors seemed to open on their own. โBefore you meet with him privately, I do have a small handful of rules.โ Rules? She took your silence as a go-ahead, holding her clipboard tightly to her chest as her hips swayed with each step.ย
โMaster Geto asks you to wash your hands before meeting with him. He also requests that you do not touch him unless he reaches out to touch you. Granted the most the man will touch is your hands or shoulders. He will never venture any further.โ You assumed that had to do with his newfound hatred for non-sorcerers, anything of the sort was likely considered filth to him. So how peculiar was it that he would go out of his way to heal them. If you could pick his brains apart, you would. You prayed wholeheartedly that youโd be given the chance. All those countless nights, sitting beside Satoru, trying to wrap your head around Suguru and his choices.ย
He owed you the deepest, most thought out and intricate explanation he could manage. You still couldnโt fathom why this was the answer to his jumbled thoughts. โYou may use this sink to cleanse yourself.โ You blinked, head turning to the stainless steel sink fitted right to the wall outside the doors that would lead to Suguruโs quarters. It was brand new, clearly installed within the templeโs construction only a few months prior. You exhaled slowly as you pushed up your sleeves, this was by no means the Suguru you remembered. But you couldnโt let your doubt drag you down yet, you still hadnโt seen him, spoken with him.ย
You set the water to cold, scrubbing your hands thoroughly with the soap provided. You swore you could still feel the clammy, dirty metal of the subway pole on your hands despite washing them when you got to the hotel. It only made you scrub harder, anxiety creeping into your neck as the crushing reality began to settle in. Within minutesโฆ no within seconds really, youโd be seeing Suguru again for the first time in nearly five months. โYou may use the towels to your right to dry your hands once you are done.โ The woman chimed softly behind you, looking down at her clipboard so she could cross off your name โ an alias you had given โ the last on his list.ย
You felt a moment of hesitation as you reached up to turn off the water. As if the anticipation for this moment would feel more overwhelming than seeing him in person again. You found yourself fearing the disappointment that may come with this meeting. It took you a moment, but you pushed forward, grabbing the knob and turning the cold water off. โAlright, Miss.โ You grabbed a towel, drying your hands thoroughly before dropping it in the bin beside the sink. โAlright.โ You repeated, turning to face her, sight dimmed from the darkened corridor and the shading of your glasses. โIf youโll allow me to check in, Master Geto should be ready for you.โย
Your heart had begun to hammer in your throat, over the roaring in your ears you uttered out a weak โOkay.โ As she strolled past you and pushed through the large door, just enough to peak her head and upper half of her body in. A little muffled, but you heard her speak โMaster Geto, your last client is here. Are you ready for her?โIf he responded, you couldnโt hear it, your own heartbeat pulsing in your ears as she turned to smile at you.ย
โMaster Geto is ready to see you, please, head in.โย
Here went everything, everything you had thrown away had led to this very moment. You nodded, taking one step forward, then another, until somehow your legs managed to hold out on you and carry you into the large prayer room. The door shut behind you, nearly making your feet falter as you took in the expanse of the room. It was absurdly large, mats rolled up and leaning against the wall, you assumed it was for his worshipers. The room itself was lit primarily by candle light, yet it was still bright enough to make out everything before you.ย
A small flight of stairs led to a raised podium, an arm rest screwed into the ground to support Suguru as he lounged. โWelcome.โ Your eyes landed on him, his fist pressed into the side of his cheek as he smiled at you. Behind him was a large altar, barren likely due to the temple being closed until the new year after tonight. โPlease, dear, come up and sit before me.โ His voice, smooth and melodic, just as it had always been. But this time around it carried a level of authority and hospitality that was foreign to you.ย
You swore stars were starting to spot your vision, so utterly overwhelmed by his presence that you had to force air into your lungs as you climbed more godforsaken steps. โThank you for meeting with me, Master Geto.โ You choked out, doing a horrible job of hiding your genuine emotions. โOf course, I couldnโt say no after hearing how urgent your needs were. Think of this as a Christmas gift from me to you.โ He spoke softly, eyes roaming over your appearance. โSo, please, do tell me of your problems. Something horrid seems to be ailing you.โย
You knelt before him, praying it didnโt look awkward as your stomach nearly made it impossible to get into such a position inconspicuously. โI justโฆ Iโm not even sure what is ailing me.โ You started softly, hand reaching up to adjust your absurd disguise. โIโm desperate, I figured if anyone could help me, it would be youโฆโ For a moment you nearly uttered Suguru, your throat felt dry as you quietly finished โ...Master Geto.โ You stared at him through the lenses of your sunglasses, wondering how Satoru dealt with wearing the cursed things all the damn time.ย
As Suguruโs eyes roamed over you, studying you intently, you felt reality weighing on you once more. Suguru was right there, in front of you, less than two feet. It felt utterly surreal, maybe that's why you felt so disconnected from the moment. Two weeks of pure, agonizing grief over his departure only to be cut off by the realization that you were pregnant with his baby. Sure that didnโt fix your broken heart, at first it had even managed to make it worse. But it kept you busy, and has continued to keep you busy over the course of September, October, November, and now at the end of December. Yet it hadnโt been enough to bring you to your senses.ย
โYou seem troubled, and Iโm so sorry youโve been having such a difficult time.โ he uttered softly, straightening from his lounging position as he let his arm rest to support him instead of having his fist pressed to his cheek. Everything thus far had brought you right to this moment, right back into his armsโฆ almost. You blinked, swallowing nothing at all and nearly choking. For a split second it felt like Suguru was talking directly to you, your Suguru. Not the Geto Suguru who was the new head of the old star vessel religious group. Your mouth opened and closed a few times, hands folded neatly on your lap despite having to strain to reach it.ย
โI appreciate the sentiment, Master Geto. Please, what are you going to do to aid me?โ For a foolish moment, you wondered if maybe there was some invisible curse clinging to your back and weighing you down. โI will do the best I can to heal you, my dear.โ You inhaled slowly, nodding as you spoke โThank you, but may I ask how?โ it had slipped past your lips before you could stop it, a genuine question you prayed wouldn't come across as offensive. After all, itโs how you lost Satoruโs trust. โOf course you may, itโs human nature to be curious, my dear.โ He started softly, a grin on his face as he moved to sit up fully, no arm rest to keep him balanced.ย
โI could preach to you about how there is good and there is evil, how the strong prey on the weak and use it to their advantage. But that is common and dismal knowledge at this point, that is not what you are looking for either.โ You nodded, eyes still soaking in every inch that made up the man before you. As much as the sunglasses were annoying you, you appreciate them for allowing you to so shamelessly admire your lover. โYouโre tired, arenโt you? You feel as though you are being weighed down.โ He questioned you softly, watching you nod as he found a small starting point for your ailments. โDid something happen to you recently?โย
For a moment you swore you felt your heart stop beating in your chest. That question was far too loaded for you to answer, so you cleared your throat a bit, muttering a soft โyesโ but not willing to go further. Suguru seemed to understand that, nodding softly. โYou, by no means, need to explain yourself to me, my dear. I will do what I can to ease your burdens.โ you watched his hands, noticing every little detail as they reached for you. โAre you alright with me taking your hands?โ So soft you nearly missed it over the thundering of your heart.
ย โY-you may.โ Shakily, you stuck your own hands out, feeling a bit awkward at the clamminess of them. For the first time in months, Suguruโs skin was on yours again. It brought a wave of relief you thought you would never feel again. The warmth of his hands in your own, worn and calloused but somehow perfectly soft and cared for. They encompassed yours, his grip strong but not strong enough to hurt, mindful of you. Tears welled in your eyes, throat constricting in a way that you knew meant tears were going to flow freely before you could stop them.ย
โYou have no idea how long Iโve been waiting for you, Y/N.โย
โ
โMaster Geto, there is a potential client on the line and she is very adamant about meeting with you on the 24th of December.โ Suguru stopped reading over his paperwork, eyes glancing up at the secretary he had hired only a few weeks back. โThat so?โ he mused softly, tapping his pen against the polished oak of his desk. โI really didnโt want to take many people that day, considering Mimiko and Nanakoโฆโ he started with a hum, pondering it for a moment longer. โDid she say her name, her intentions, anything of interest?โ He was far too tempted to flat out say no.ย
โShe seemed very nervous, sheโs said she's not been feeling very good recently and youโve become her last resort. She canโt keep going on like this.โ The secretary repeated your urgent, mildly-overdramatic words. โSounds dire.โ Suguru spoke softly, still mulling over his thoughts. For some reason, he couldnโt bring himself to utter the words "tell her no.โ Instead, after a brief pause โLet her know Iโll be able to meet with her on the 24th of December, 6pm.โ The secretary nodded, moving to leave once more but stopping short as Suguru called her name. โShe will be the last client for this year, please let any new potential clients know that I will not be able to meet with them until after the new year.โย
She nodded quickly before departing, leaving Suguru alone again as he reached for the paperwork he set down. โWhat a kind heart you have, papa Geto.โ Suguru hadnโt even been able to read the next sentence, laughing softly at Mimikoโs comment. The brunette girl was kicking her feet, coloring intently beside her sister on the plush rug Suguru had put in just for them. โItโs important to help people in need, you know. She seemed like she could really use it.โ He smiled fondly at the two sisters, listening to Nanako hum softly as she scribbled onto the page.ย
โI guess youโre right.โย
โYou guess Iโm right?โย
Mimiko nodded, stopping her coloring to look up at Suguru behind his desk. โYeah, I mean you really donโt need to help anyone. But you choose to do so even when you donโt have to. You have a kind heart, papa Geto.โ The small girl repeated her initial statement, smiling softly as Suguruโs expression morphed into one of genuine surprise. He couldnโt bring himself to say anything, watching her small head turn back to the paper she was drawing on, starting to hum along with the tune Nanako had set. Suguru sat there, wondering how a child could think of such things.ย
He saw himself as anything but kind-hearted at this point in his life. But still, he didnโt have the heart to say those things, especially not to a six year old. Suguru had barely reached for his paperwork again when your face crossed his mind, making him freeze once more. You had been a constant thought in his mind since the day he left. Not even an hour had gone by where you didnโt consume his thoughts, knocking the air from his lungs and paralyzing him for a moment. He missed you. Fuck he missed you terribly and it was enough to render him utterly immobile at points.ย
Slowly, he forced air back in his lungs, your smile leaving a permanent mark engraved in his mind. He didnโt regret anything he did up until this point, well maybe except for one particular thing. He didnโt take you with him the day he left. He knew he loved you too much to force you into this kind of life, he needed it to be a choice you made out of your own free will. Something cheesy about loving someone meant setting them free when the time came had crossed his mind when leaving you that letter. Leaving it on the bed he once called his own, so long as you were in it, it was his.ย
But still, the choice to leave it all up to your own free will did nothing to fill the void beside him each night. How desperately he wished you were laying beside him, curled perfectly into his embrace, face snuggled into the crook of his neck. Your natural musk mixing with your perfume, your hair tickling his hands as he held you tight, your chest rising and falling evenly as you slept. He ached to hold you again, finding it hard to fall asleep each night in your absence. But he had made this choice, he had to own it, even if that meant you werenโt a part of his life right now.ย
โBut he knew, deep down, that it was only temporary; you'd come back to him.โ
โ
He had been right, of course. He just hadnโt expected it to come so soon, as if whatever forces in the universe heard his consistent, unwavering, silent prayer. The moment those doors opened, he knew it was you. From the moment you stepped foot in the prayer room, he could feel you. His soul would never not recognize you, no matter how hard you tried to disguise yourself. He had felt it then, that shaky, stuttering breath as you walked so cautiously into the room. It had taken every ounce of his willpower to not get up and go to you. Based on your appearance, it was clear that you didnโt want to be recognized by him.ย
โWelcome.โ He started,ย praying you wouldnโt hear the tremor in his voice as his heart pounded erratically in his chest. โPlease, dear, come up and sit before me.โ Carefully, he trained his emotions into neutral ease, watching you shakily make your way towards him. It was you, fuck it was really you. For a moment Suguru was certain he would pass out from the intensity of your presence. How often had he dreamt of you, how often had he silently wondered what you were doing. How often had Nanako and Mimiko listened to him blabber about you with such fondness? Probably too many times to count, bless them.ย
Suguru watched you climb up the steps, your voice sending his heart into a death spiral. โThank you for meeting with me, Master Geto.โ There it was. The voice he had longed to hear for months now; your voice had always been so utterly hypnotic to him. โOf course, I couldnโt say no after hearing how urgent your needs were. Think of this as a Christmas gift from me to you.โ He had to wonder if he was being transparent, it was impossible to hide the sparkle in his eyes as his whole world sat down before him. โSo, please, do tell me of your problems. Something horrid seems to be ailing you.โ His brow twitched as he looked you over, worry flooding his veins that you had been over exerting yourself in his absence.ย
He noticed you had struggled for a moment, leaving him to ponder further. Were you hurt? Had you gone on a mission recently and injured yourself? โI justโฆ Iโm not even sure what is ailing me.โ Suguruโs heart ached at the sadness in your tone, you sounded so detached as you continued. โIโm desperate, I figured if anyone could help me, it would be youโฆโ he noticed you hesitate for a moment, as if nearly choking on the wrong words before uttering out โMaster Geto.โ His family name sounded foreign coming from your mouth, a mouth he couldn't even see under the disposable face mask you adorned. There you were, kneeling before him after months of waiting, and he couldnโt even see your beautiful face.ย
Suguru looked you over, eyes soaking in every inch of you despite how covered you were. โYou seem troubled, and Iโm so sorry youโve been having such a difficult time.โ the words nearly got caught in his throat, coming out so soft that it nearly wasnโt audible. It was almost too genuine, for a brief moment he had forgotten, speaking to you as if nothing had changed at all. He had to wonder if you heard it. All thoughts died before they were even fully formed, the prolonged silence between you being shattered as you spoke โI appreciate the sentiment, Master Geto. Please, what are you going to do to aid me?โ You soundedโฆ defeated.ย
โI will do the best I can to heal you, my dear.โ
But, he could tell you didnโt seem overly satisfied with that answer. โThank you, but may I ask how?โ he couldnโt help the way his lips quirked at your question. โOf course you may, itโs human nature to be curious, my dear.โ his smirk turned into something softer, a genuine smile. You hadnโt changed a bit, your blunt curiosity still shining through. โI could preach to you about how there is good and there is evil, how the strong prey on the weak and use it to their advantage. But that is common and dismal knowledge at this point, that is not what you are looking for either.โ He watched you nod, aching to know what was going on inside of your head.ย
โYouโre tired, arenโt you? You feel as though you are being weighed down.โ He watched you, brown eyes analyzing your every movement, his heart aching as you nodded. โDid something happen to you recently?โ it slipped out, he didnโt want to seem like he was prying even though he was very well aware that the โsomethingโ that happened was none other than him. Still, nothing could have prepared him for the ache in his chest as you uttered out a soft, broken โyes.โ The urge to soothe you had nearly caused him to lean forward; the need to pull you into a tight, crushing hug to try and soothe your sorrows was becoming too much.ย
You deserve none of the emotional turmoil he put you through.ย
โYou, by no means, need to explain yourself to me, my dear. I will do what I can to ease your burdens.โ he breathed out, not knowing how else to soothe you if he couldn't touch you in the ways he desired. So, he dared to ask โAre you alright with me taking your hands?โ Suguru couldnโt breathe after asking it, the idea of touching you again after months of being apart was almost too much for him to handle.ย โY-you may.โ There, for a brief moment, was the Y/N he fell in love with a few years back, so outgoing but so shy the moment he tried to initiate anything. It made his heart clench, the feeling of nostalgia washing over him in waves as he reached forward.ย
Your hands were trembling as he took them in his own. For a moment, Suguruโs shoulders sagged. Your warm skin pressed to his was something he had missed so dearly. No words could describe the relief he felt, your hands wrapping so gingerly around him as his grip tightened. He was afraid you would pull away, being mindful to not squeeze you too tight. Suguru couldnโt quite believe it, every word he had practiced, every speech he had thought of for when this moment arrived. None of it mattered. Not a single word was able to claw its way out of the depths of his mind. Too overwhelmed by the fact that you were before him.ย
Before he could stop himself, before the moment became awkward from the long stretch of silence. Suguru uttered the only words that came to mind.๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ
โYou have no idea how long Iโve been waiting for you, Y/N.โย
โย
You blinked, not that he could see it from behind the shades of your sunglasses. Still, you were stunned into silence. Your brain was struggling to catch up, processing the words Suguru had spoken two, three, four times before finally registering. โWhaโโ was all you could manage, the syllables dragging out as Suguru chuckled softly. โI didnโt mean to unveil your secret before you were ready, Y/N. But no disguise you could wear would be able to conceal you from me. Iโd know it was you every single time.โ he swallowed, eyes shifting down to your clasped hands as if he was getting shy. โIโve missed you so terriblyโฆ and I know I donโt have any right to say that because this is all my fault but... Iโve missed you.โ
Still, you were speechless.ย
โY/Nโฆ my sweet girlโฆ Please say something.โ Suguru wasnโt going to move until you responded to him, too afraid of overstepping your boundaries. Your mouth opened and closed again, swallowing the lump in your throat as you uttered out a soft โhi.โ You couldnโt think of anything else, every thought in your mind was too jumbled to truly form a proper sentence. โHi.โ he repeated back to you, the same level of adoration in his tone that youโve always known him to have towards you. โCan I take these off?โ He was already letting go of one of your hands to reach for your sunglasses as you nodded. Your heart was erratic as his fingers ghosted your temple.ย
You felt it then, the tremor in his hands as he gently took the sun glasses off of you. For the first time in four months you were seeing Suguru without any barriers. โThere you are.โ He smiled, letting go of your other hand so he could gingerly pull the face mask off of you. You couldnโt contain it then, a smile making your lips twitch as your face was fully exposed again. โMy beautiful girl.โ Suguru breathed out, eyes memorizing every feature like they werenโt already burned into his memory. โMy handsome boy.โ your words nearly got caught in your throat, eyes watering as Suguru carefully took off your hood and revealed your hair. His smile matched yours, his lips quivering as he struggled to say anything in response.ย
So much to say, but you were both in silent awe of each other.ย
It dawned on you a second later that Suguru still had no idea you were carrying his baby.ย
โSuguru Iโฆโ you choked a bit, reaching to hold his hand again just as he reached for yours. โIโve missed you too, terribly.โ He watched you, brows creasing a bit as his face grew solemn. โIt was never my intention to hurt you like this, Y/N.โ For some reason, you couldnโt muster any of the anger you figured you would feel when seeing Suguru again. โI know it wasnโtโ So soft it was barely audible but Suguru clung on to every word. โBut it still happened, I still hurt you. Iโฆโ he swallowed, holding your hand a little tighter. โMy only regret is not taking you with me the night I left. But I couldnโt do that to you, I couldnโt force you to run away with me after what I did. I donโt regret a single action Iโve made besides that.โย
โI would have left with you, I hope you know that. Wherever you are is where I want to be.โ And for a moment you swore you saw tears welling in Suguruโs eyes. โNo amount of apologizing will make up for the hell I caused you.โ he looked down at your clasped hands before meeting your eyes once more โBut I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, if youโll let me.โ For a moment your heart ached so deeply it nearly scared you, your babyโs fluttering kicks reminded you of the hurtle you still needed to clear. โYou donโt have to do that, Suguru. Keeping me by your side is all I could ever ask forโฆ provide for me andโฆโ You stopped, eyes closing for a moment as you breathed out a laugh. โSuguru.โ He straightened at your tone change.
โYes?โ You could hear the concern lacing his words, as if you were suddenly going to say โforget itโ and get up and go. Instead you steadied yourself โThere is something very important you need to be aware of. Itโs something I realized only two weeks after you left me andโฆโ you didnโt like how bitter the words left me felt coming off your tongue. You had no reason to harbor any concern over the standing of your relationship, it was evident that neither of you considered yourself broken up from the other. โGo on, Iโm listening.โ He encouraged you, faced settlingย into a look of concern because he wasnโt sure where you were taking this. โSuguru, I wish I could have told you sooner.โ You let go of his hands, smiling he held them a little tighter.ย
โIโm just standing up, Sugu.โ You reassured him, heart fluttering as he gave you a sheepish smile. Suguru lets you go, watching you struggle to stand for only a second before leaping in to help you up. โDid you get hurt trying to come here?โ he questioned, something so concerned and innocent that it almost made you laugh. He truly had no idea, you had to pat yourself on the back you supposed. Your disguise had worked out well enough in that sense. โNo, no nothing like that, Sugu.โ You smiled as you straightened, watching him take a tentative step backwards. โI really wish I could have told you sooner, but itโs better late than never.โ Your fingers shook as you reached for the zipper of your oversized hoodie, dragging the cool metal down and shouldering the material off as your pregnant belly was revealed to Suguruโs eyes.ย
You watched his face morph from concern to shock. โIโm almost twenty five weeks along, Sugu.โ You let the hoodie fall to the floor, leaving you in a long sleeve shirt that was clinging to the swell of your stomach. โYou may have left, but you didnโt really leave me alone.โ You pulled your eyes away from his face to look down at your bump, hands lovingly caressing it. โI donโt know their gender, I didnโt want to find out unless you were with me.โ You didnโt mind his silence, you knew it was likely a very overwhelming piece of information to learn. Suguru didnโt have the ability to speak anymore, instead he opted to close the distance between the two of you. With hesitant curiosity, Suguruโs large warm hands came down to cup your stomach.ย
โYouโre pregnant.โ He uttered the obvious, as if trying to confirm he wasnโt dreaming. โYouโre pregnant with my baby.โ He said again, this time his tone was a little more possessive. You nodded, hands coming down to lay on top of where his hands sat. โBeen carrying our baby this whole time, Sugu.โ You heard him hum in acknowledgment, eyes full of wonder as your baby kicked. โTheyโre happy to finally hear their daddyโs voice.โ You whispered, looking up at him through your lashes as he met your gaze. โI love you, with my whole being I love you.โ you could hear it in his voice, nothing put pure love and adoration for you and your unborn child. โIโm so sorry you had to find out after I leftโฆโ He added softly, heart aching at the very thought.ย
โI had Satoru and Shokoโฆ they didnโt really make up for you not being present, Suguru. But they tried their damn hardest and Iโll forever be grateful for that.โ He nodded, thumb gingerly brushing the skin below his hand. โDo they know youโre here?โ He questioned you, eyes falling back to your stomach. It was almost too surreal to believe. Not only were you in front of him again, but you were very pregnant with his baby. โI left them letters. They have no idea Iโm gone and they likely wonโt know for a few more hours. I donโt have any intentions of going back.โ You let the words hang in the air, you were certain Suguru wouldn't expect you to turn around and leave once this night was through. That didnโt stop the butterflies swirling in your chest out of anxiety anyways. โI have no intention of letting you go.โย
You couldnโt think in that moment, body pushing up on your tiptoes as if no time had passed at all. Your stomach hindered you a bit, pressing snuggly to Suguruโs front as your hands cupped his cheeks. Suguru caught on, of course, bending down and guiding you to him as your lips met in a soft kiss. You felt it then, the same tears burning your eyes as they shut tightly. Melting into Suguruโs lips felt like home, slowly piecing back the pieces he shattered to make you feel whole again. You could tell he wanted to deepen it, devour you whole in that moment so youโd never go. Instead, he pulled away with flushed cheeks that mirrored your own, pupils blown wide as he observed you. โI love you.โ He repeated, looking at your lips as you replied backย
โI love you too.โย
Suguru kissed you again, cupping your face justย as you cupped his, holding you in place and bending down further so you didnโt have to strain so hard to meet him. The tears you had tried to whole back were flowing freely at this point, mixing with the kiss as it turned slightly sloppy. It took you only a minute to pull away again, eyes wet as you gasped for air. โS-sorry the pregnancy hormones theyโโ but Suguru hushed you, using his thumb to wipe away the tears as they fell. โYou have nothing to apologize for, my sweet girl.โ He kissed your forehead, pulling back as he guided you away from the edge of the platform and closer to the barren altar behind him. โThere are not enough words in the universe for me to convey how sorry I am for everything Iโve put you through. Iโve said it already, but so long as I am alive, so long as you are willing, I will do everything in my power to make it up to you.โย
โKeep me by your side, Suguru. That is all I ask of you.โ You sniffled, tears flowing even faster as you restated your earlier request. Tenderly, Suguru brought your knuckles to his lips and kissed each one softly. โI will do more than that, my love. You will never have to work another day in your life, you will know nothing but love and comfort.โ He promised as he flipped your hand over and placed a kiss on the center of your palm. โYou, me, Nanako, Mimiko, our babyโฆ our future babies.โ He added with a small grin, causingย you to laugh softly through your tears. โThe five of us, and whoever else may join us in the future. I will keep you safe, happy, loved.โ He promised as he kissed your wrist, feeling your pulse race under his lips.ย
You nodded, using your free hands to wipe your face as Suguruโs lips trailed further. You felt a shiver pass through your body as Suguruโs lips made their way up your arm. โIโve missed you.โ he repeated, tone huskier than before as he placed a kiss on your bicep. โSo many nights aloneโฆโ he placed another kiss but this time it was on your shoulder. โIโve been dreaming of youโฆโ This time his head was dipping to nuzzle into the crook of your neck, inhaling the smell of you and groaning. โI missed you.โ he murmured again, lips pressing to the pulse point in your neck as he let himself get wrapped in the scent of you. The scent he had missed so desperately. You felt it then, something you hadnโt felt in months. The bubbling heat pools in your gut, spreading throughout your body as Suguruโs tongue licks up your neck. Arousal.ย
โS-Suguru pleaseโฆโ Your hand found its way into his hair, holding him in place as both of his hands wrapped around your waist. โPlease what?โ he murmured, teeth scraping your neck as he moved his head up towards your jaw. โPleaseโฆ make me yours again.โ He groaned, so low you could feel it vibrate against your jaw as he kissed it slowly. There was a tremor in his hands as he held you tighter, pulling you closer until the swell of your stomach was pressing tightly to his. โYouโve always been mine, my beautiful girl.โ He promised you as he moved to kiss your lips again, the kiss was gentle but sloppy, your fingers twitching as you buried them in the fine silks of his robes. You gave in, body melting into his familiar touch as you let his tongue slip past your lips letting him dominate it, just as you always had.ย
The feeling of his tongue sliding against your own drew whines from your lips, clinging on to Suguru just a little tighter as he began to guide you. The steps were awkward, drawing a breathy laugh from Suguru as he pulled away from you. โThis will be a lot easier.โ He assured you before bending down a bit to haul you up into his arms. You couldnโt help but squeal, surprised he was able to pick you up so easily even with the extra weight of your baby. โSuguru!โ You cling to him, curious about his intentions as he moves to sit you on top of the bare altar. โIsnโt this a bitโฆโ but he shook his head โdonโt worry about it.โ He placed you on top of the smooth wooden altar with a grin, making it so you were equal height now.ย
โItโs a special Christmas offering.โย
He offered you as your brows were still creased in concern. โSuguru!โ You squealed after, face feeling hot as his hands landed on your thighs, squeezing the flesh and making you shiver as his lips found yours yet again. โIโm taking my time with you.โ He muttered between quick kisses, lips shiny with your saliva as your breath mingled. โI wouldnโt want it any other way.โ You encouraged him, heart doing backflips at the idea of Suguru having his way with you again. You knew you missed him, of course you knew that, but sex hadnโt even been on your mind lately. Now, in this moment, you realized how badly you ached to be touched again, loved again.
Suguru left out a breathy moan, head falling forward for a moment before looking up to hold your gaze. โHave I mentioned just how badly Iโve missed you?โ he teased, watching your lips quirk up as you tried to wiggle closer to him from where you sat on the altar. โI think you may have mentioned it once or twice so farโฆโ You grinned, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer since you werenโt getting anywhere fast. โBut that's enough with the talking, Sugu.โ You moved so your lips were ghosting his ear, whispering seductively โShow me how badly you missed me.โ He shivered, only fueling your desire as you got a little more bold. โShow me how badly you missed my body.โ Suguruโs knees nearly buckled, you were too good to be true.ย
Suguru took your request to heart, not wasting another moment by talking. His fingers easily found the hem of your shirt, pulling it up and over your head with your assistance. He couldn't help it, taking a small step back just so he could admire how you looked with your stomach swollen, carrying his baby so prettily. You felt your heart beating, chest rising and falling just a little faster than usual as the anticipation in your gut built. The warm amber of his eyes seemed to be swallowed whole by his dilated pupils, throat feeling dry as his eyes trailed up to your breasts. โThese swelled up, didnโt they?โ He asked in a teasing tone, mouth watering at the sight of your engorged breasts spilling over the top of your bra. โS-suguru.โย
โWell, they have, pretty girl. Theyโll be full of milk soon enough, to nurture our little baby.โ You couldnโt breathe, the overwhelming need for him to touch you nearly dizzying. โTheyโve been so sore.โ You offer quietly, looking at him through your lashes just to see his lips part. He seemed utterly entranced, warm hands sneaking around the back of you to find the clip of your bra. โWell, we canโt have that now, can we? Let me make them feel better, my love.โ You nodded, feeling no shame or embarrassment as your bare breasts were exposed to his hungry gaze. Suguru had seen you naked so many times over the course of your relationship. Even with the rather extreme changes your body was going through, you still felt gorgeous when he looked at you the way he was now. โSo prettyโฆ they look so heavyโฆ let me.โ He breathed out carefully.ย
You could feel the air getting caught in your lungs as Suguruโs hands gingerly cupped both of your breasts. The noise you made couldnโt be helped, lips wobbling as you whimpered at the sensation. โOh? Are they more sensitive?โ Suguru teased you, shamelessly fondling your breasts just to see you squirm. You nodded, one hand gripping the edge of the altar to balance you while your other hand shot up to grab his wrist. โPlease, Sugu, they're really sensitive.โ You whined, heat throbbing between your legs as he moved to pinch your nipple. โEven more sensitive than before?โ He murmured, eyes focused only on your face as he rolled one of your perked buds slowly. โY-Yes!โ your back arched, forcing your bump to press into Suguru. โThatโs good to know, pretty girl.โ He squeezed just a little harder, smirking as you cried out.ย
โSo mean to meโฆโ you wailed, as if nothing had changed at all. Suguru hushed you with a kiss, lips slotting against yours sloppily as he toyed with your breasts. You felt dizzy, completely intoxicated by the feeling of Suguruโs hands on you. You wanted him bad, needing to feel his skin rather than his robes. โSuguruโฆโ you pulled away, trying to catch your breath as you uttered โTake your clothes off, please I donโt want to prolong this part.โ He could take as much time with you as he wanted, but you were certain you would lose your mind if you didnโt see and feel his skin. โWhatever my lady wants, my lady gets.โ He kissed you again before backing away. You sat on top of the altar, watching intently as Suguru undid the mildly-intricate layers to his robes.ย
โCโmereโ you murmured as Suguru was left in nothing but a pair of flowing navy colored pants. The material matched the robes, hugging his waist tightly and accentuating how broad he was. You hadnโt forgotten how he looked, but the last time you saw Suguru in person, he had thinned. Now, he was broad, covered in muscles, tanned even in the winter. It was the Suguru you had known before the world had changed his views. He walked towards you, a sense of pride in his steps as he displayed his new physique to you. โMy handsome boy.โ You murmured again, hands making contact with his soft skin and feeling him release a shuddering breath in response.ย
Your touch never got old, every single time it felt like it was the first time you were laying your hands on him. You were mindful of where you put your hands, letting them dance across the plains of his chest before moving to his biceps. Suguru watched your hands move with baited breath, goosebumps erupting in their wake as your fingers moved lower. He couldnโt suppress the shiver that passed through him as your hands left his arms and moved to run along his sides. You were always so unpredictable with your actions, maybe that was why you were so elusive to just about everyone you met. Even when he thought he knew you like the back of his hand, you still managed to catch him by surprise. He could never get enough of it.ย
Your hands rested on his waist for a moment, leaning forward to the best of your abilities to place a chaste kiss on his chest. One kiss led to two, then three. Before he could even utter a word, you were littering his chest and neck in soft, sweet kisses. There was no hiding his arousal, even in the loose fitting pants of his daily attire, Suguruโs cock was straining heavily against his briefs. โY/Nโฆโ it sounded awfully similar to a plea, making his cheeks flush pink at the sound. You looked up at him, placing one last kiss on his sternum before moving back. Your hands left his waist, but not before trailing all the way up his sides and slowly sneaking around his neck. โSuguru.โ you finally stated once you were pleased with your actions.ย
โItโs my job to please you, you know. I donโt deserve any of this.โ but you shook your head, hushing him softly. โSuguru, I love you with every fiber of my being. I have missed you for the nearly five months you have been away from me. I am going to shower you in the love I have been holding onto for all this time. Donโt you dare let your guilt taint the way you feel about me giving you my love.โ You could tell he was struggling, after a moment of silence he nodded. It was a reluctant nod at that, but you knew it would take time for Suguru to overcome the weight of his guilt for leaving you in the first place. That was a battle for another day.ย
What mattered was this moment. โKiss me, please.โ His request was so gentle, you couldnโt say no to him if you wanted to. Arms still wrapped around his neck, you pulled him to you and crashed your lips together once more in a heated kiss. Your body seemed to thrum with desire, every nerve ending sparking with electricity as the anticipation of what was to come built. You craved him like you craved air, so much so that if you were ever to go without him again you were certain you would not survive. Suguruโs hands lost their heistance once more, dull nails dragging up your back and causing you to arch into him.ย
You couldnโt pull away, not when one of his hands found their home on the back of your neck. He kept you in place while his other hand snuck around from your back and found its way to your breasts once more. Your lips part easily, a cry ripping from your throat as Suguruโs fingers pinch one of your sensitive buds. He took the opportunity before him once more, tongue dancing around yours as he pulled and massaged the tender flesh of your swollen breasts. You squirmed on top of the altar, feeling your arousal clinging to your underwear as you moved. It only caused you to feel hotter, the deep rooted desire to feel him inside of you once more was becoming too much for you to bear in that moment.ย
Your legs spread to accommodate him better, scooting yourself forward so your covered sex was pressing to Suguruโs abdomen. He could feel the heat radiating through your bottoms, making his head spin with the desire to feel your cunt once more. โFuck I missed you.โ He nearly hissed as he pulled away from you with spit covered lips, swollen from where your teeth had been pulling at them. โShow me how bad.โ You slurred, eyes lidded as you tried pulling him back to you. Suguru doesnโt hesitate anymore, letting you bend him to your whim. His lips find their home on yours once again, teeth and tongue clashing together as your hands wander his body.ย
Suguruโs teeth are sinking into your bottom lip, pulling at the pliant flesh and trying his hardest not to smirk as you whimper at the sting. His hands are mimicking your own, gliding over every ounce of bare skin he can reach, dull nails scraping until he feels you erupt in goosebumps. He pulls away again, leaving your head spinning from the constant changing contact. Before you can even open your mouth and complain, Suguruโs head is burying itself in your neck. He knew your weak points like the back of his hand, teeth scraping against the column of your neck before finding the perfect point to bite down. A shrill moan left your lips, no longer muffled by Suguruโs lips on your own. His canines were creating the perfect amount of pressure, sending your heart into a frenzy as if you were preparing for him to pierce your skin.
Suguru eased up a moment later, his hand slipping down between your bodies to press his fingers against your covered cunt. The sensation sends sparks of arousal through you, making your thighs twitch as he lapped greedily at the teeth indents he left behind. โMineโฆโ he gasped between licks โall mine.โ Your mind blanked the moment his fingers found their way to your nipple again, twisting and pinching the sensitive bud until you felt tears burning your eyes. โSugu, please!โ You tried to jerk away, fingers threading in his silky locks as you tried to create some sort of relief for yourself. Everything was too sensitive, the ache forming so deeply within your body that you were certain you would lose your mind before he made you cum.ย
โPlease what?โ He rasped, sucking at your skin until it bruised. โFuck me.โ You begged, tears pricking your pretty eyes and driving him absolutely wild. โFuck you?โ Suguru smirked, tugging your nipple until those pretty eyes shed the tears you were holding back. โFuck meโฆ oh fuck please, Suguru.โ Your tone turned whiny, higher than usual as desperation won over your pride. Youโd get off this altar and beg him on your hands and knees if you had to. Even if it would be a bit of a struggle with your rather round stomach.ย โHow am I supposed to say no to that?โ he soothed you, hands abandoningย your breasts to cup your cheeks. He kissed you again, this time it was softer, with the intent to take his time even if it killed you.ย
You felt drunk, chasing his lips even as he pulled away. Shakily, Suguruโs hands moved down your body, holding your hips as his head lowered to trail wet kisses down your neck. You caught on to his intentions as he moved lower, kissing your collarbone before moving to your chest. Suguruโs tongue ran along your sternum, pulling a whimper from you as he placed not one but two loving kisses on your sensitive breasts. โYouโre so perfect.โ He smiled up at you, lips hovering over the swell of your stomach. โSuch a good mama already.โ So gentle it nearly made you cry, that sadistic side of him fading quickly with the overwhelming desire to please you took over his original intentions. Months apart didnโt allow for him to tease you in the way he once did. Not now at least.ย
โSo beautiful.โ He added one last time before kissing your stomach. He showered your pregnant tummy in kisses, nose nuzzling you softly as your babyโs fluttering kicks reached him. You felt your face burning up as Suguru moved lower, as if he hadnโt been all over you for the last few years of your life. โI missed this cuntโฆโ he mewled softly as he lowered to his knees before you. โDreamt of it every time I got lonelyโฆโ he huffed out a laugh โwhich was very often.โ His fingers were hooking into the waistband of your pants, eyes meeting yours as if to confirm one last time that this is what you wanted. You nodded, lips parted as quiet gasps shook you. โTake me, Suguru. Iโm all yours, always have been.โ His eyes fluttered closed, inhaling deeply to try and ground himself before he lost all self restraint he had. โWhatever you want, youโll get.โย
You lift yourself awkwardly, giving Suguru enough room to pull your pants and underwear off in one easy swoop. You grimaced slightly as your bare skin met the smooth wood of the altar, it still felt rather wrong, but now wasnโt really a time to be questioning your morals. Suguru was shameless as he admired what he had been missing so dearly, not even his wildest fantasies could compare to you. โFuck.โ So soft you barely heard it, but still enough to have your thighs twitching as you spread them further for him. Your hands met the smooth wood behind you, leaning back to get comfortable and push most of your weight on your hands and arms so Suguru could access you better. โMay I?โ His breath was hot on your inner thigh, nearly panting. โOf course you may, is that even a question, Suguru?โย
โI guess itโs not, but I just want to make sure.โ He didnโt give you a moment to respond, lips pressing to the plush of your inner thigh and sucking softly. You felt your lips tremble, eyes nearly tunneling as you focused on the top of his head over your baby bump. Suguru sucked bruises into your skin, inhaling your natural musk as he did so. One hand rested on your thigh, thumb brushing the skin beneath him tenderly as his other hand sank lower. Suguru groaned, vibrating your skin as his own hand brushed over his covered cock. Your heart was beating erratically, waiting not-so patiently for Suguru to do what he really wanted. Which was to devour you whole, but still, ever the patient man, he was taking his time. โSuguruโฆโ you breathed out, hips moving forward just a bit to silently encourage him to cut the teasing.ย
He didnโt answer you, nose trailing along your inner thigh as he palmed himself through his pants. He was savoring every second of you being before him again, so much so that he couldnโt help but take his sweet time with this part. Though, his self control could only be stretched so far before he, too, couldnโt take it. Your hands nearly balled into fists as he retracted, a moment later his warmย breath was fanning over your glistening cunt. โThank you for this blessing.โ He offered slowly, dragging each syllable out until you felt its message vibrating the base of your skull. Finally, after what felt like an eternity of torture, Suguru placed an open mouth kiss on your slick folds. One kiss led to two,ย three, four, then his tongue was slipping between and running along your slit. You moaned, loud and unashamed as Suguru collected your juices on his tongue.ย
One hand was still groping himself, alleviating some of the ache but not nearly enough to satisfy him. His other hand was now squeezing your thigh rather than gingerly rubbing it. He had missed your taste, fuck had he missed your taste over these months apart. Your arousal was sticky, its flavor unique and utterly addicting. He could do this for hours if it meant tasting every drop of your cum. Your head was falling back, your thighs no longer twitching and tense. Rather,ย they fell apart with no resistance, leaving your cunt completely at his mercy. Suguruโs tongue was still gliding up and down your slit, stopping at your clit every few passes to flick at it, feeling your muscles jump under his ministrations before moving down towards your entrance. This was just another game of him teasing you until you were making a mess atop the altar without even coming.ย
โSuguruโฆโ you choked out, the arousal in your body thrumming with the need to be satisfied not tortured. Maybe he could hear that desperation in your tone, his nose bumping your pulsing clit as he pushed his tongue past your entrance. โOh fuck.โ You mewled, eyes nearly rolling back from the pure sensitivity. You hadnโt realized how reactive pregnancy would make you. Even the slightest of touches had your toes curling. It had always felt good, Suguruโs tongue had always managed to work unspeakable wonders on you. But now? It felt as if everything had been amplified, your lips trembling as the faintest signs of your impending orgasm began creeping up on you. Suguru was mindful of his position, using his nose to his advantage as he began to tongue fuck your cunt. โP-pleaseโฆ oh fuckโฆโ your arms were feeling weak, causingย you to adjust you your elbows in order to not fall flat.ย
Suguruโs tongue buried as deep as he could manage, using his nose to nuzzle your clit until your pants had turned to rapid gasps. If he wasnโt so preoccupied, heโd tease you for how sensitive you had become. It seemed every little action he made was causing your hips to jerk, a shrill cry leaving your pretty lips as he toyed with your cunt. Feeling you twitching beneath him, Suguru pulled his tongueย away from your entrance to focus on your clit. His nose could only do so much, after all. You couldnโt take it, the dizzyingย feeling of Suguruโs lips wrapping around your aching clit and sucking so harshly your back arched. Pleasure shot straight through you, making your thighs tense as you clenched around nothing. He was going to make you cum in record time at this rate. That realization had you burning up, eyes squeezing shut as you tried not to scream his name for the whole temple to hear.ย
Though that didnโt really help you much, loud and unrestrainable cries left your lips amidst a jumble of pleas. Suguruโs name was intertwined into every profanity, begging him to let you cum. Suguruโs hand left your thigh, instead shooting up to dip two fingers between your drenched folds. You sucked him in greedily, your cries only turning shriller as he began roughly massaging your walls. Tears leaked down your cheeks in fat globs as you clenched around him, causing his fingers to stutter their pace in the process. Not that you noticed, your vision was already spotting with stars as your orgasm grew nearer. โS-Suguru fuckโฆ Iโm gonna cumโฆ youโre gonna make me cum Suguโฆ pleaseโฆ fuck please let me.โ You were drunk off of your own lust, eyes lidded as you pleaded with him in nearly incomprehensible babbles.ย
He responded by curling his fingers, digging into your walls just right. His tongue was still flicking over your clit, the varying sensations were making your head spin. โSugu pleaseโฆโ You cried again, walls clamping around his digits so tightly he struggled to thrust them at all. He moved even faster, how that was possible you didnโt know, but stars were sparkling across your vision as you came hard. That didnโt cause him to slow down, actually it was quite the opposite. Suguru continued to fuck his fingers into you at a rapid pace, moaning wantonly as your slick squelches only turned louder in volume. Your orgasm had reached its peak but it wasnโt slowing, your wails turning into silent gasps as Suguru began to overstimulate you. It wasnโt until he finally pulled his lips away from your cunt that your body relaxed.ย
โGood girlโฆ such a good girl.โ Suguru murmured, eyes memorizing the sight of two of his fingers disappearing inside of your glistening cunt. You couldnโt form a coherent sentence if you wanted to at that moment, arms feeling shaky as you tried to keep yourself propped up. Suguru caught on after another few seconds, pushing up from his kneeling position to stand before you again. You watched him stick the two digits in his mouth, sucking them clean before speaking again. โDonโt tell me youโre already worn out, my love.โ He smiled at you, chin and lips covered in your shiny cum. You shook your head slowly, despite clearly wanting to utter a weak โyesโ. Suguruโs arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into a sitting position so he could kiss you properly. You let him do as he pleased, just like you always did, letting his lips sloppily cover yours so you could taste your own release. After a minute, he pulled away with reddened cheeks.ย
โFucking youโฆ itโฆโ he stuttered a bit, suddenly turning shy as he tried to figure out how to word his question. โIt wonโt harm the babyโฆ will it?โ You felt your eyes widen, lips twitching into a smile as you shook your head. โSex while pregnant is actually very safe, Sugu.โ You assured him, not at all ashamed in the research you had done on the matter only a few weeks back. โPositive? It wonโt harm you or the baby?โ He asked for your reassurance despite having his fingers buried in your cunt moments prior. Not that his fingers were anything in comparison to his cock. โIโm positive, no harm can be brought to me or the baby during the actโฆ Youโll just have to be easier on me, Suguโฆ Iโve gotten a lot more sensitive.โ You felt your cheeks heating up, regardless of everything youโd just gone through. โAlrightโฆโ he kissed you again, softer, before pulling away.
You watched him with lidded eyes, a ghost of a smile on your swollen lips as Suguru began undoing the waistband of his pants. You were focused on the way his veins seemed to jump out as he undid the buttons, the sight making your jaw clench. Inch by inch, tanned and toned skin was revealed to your hungry gaze. Suguru was trying to hide his excitement as his cock was freed from the confines of his pants. You whined at the sight, even your fantasies did nothing to compare to the real thing. For a moment you nearly groaned about how much you had missed him. You managed to hold it in, not willing to subject yourself to his endless teasing, at least not right now. Right now, what you wanted was โPleaseโฆ youโre taking way too long, Suguru. I want you so badโฆโ You were repositioning yourself the way you had been when he went down on you, this time forcing your legs up to rest your feet on the edge of the altar.ย
A position that you typically didnโt have to think much about was now causing you some difficulty, but you could push that aside if it meant heโd move a little faster. Suguru stepped out of his bottoms and discarded them off to the side with the rest of your crumbled up clothes. โOld habits die hard, you know. I canโt help but draw things out, my pretty girl.โ He closed the distance again, hands resting on your knees and unintentionally alleviating the pressure with his support. โI know, but I want you so badโฆ I want you inside of me, Sugu.โ He was twitching, precum leaking steadily from his irritated looking tip. โFuckโฆ okayโฆ okayโฆโ one hand left your knee to wrap around the base of his neglected cock. Carefully, he gave himself a few harsh tugs, groaning as mild relief flooded his veins. You wanted to grumble about how you couldnโt see him over the swell of your stomach, especially since he knew how much you enjoyed watching him.ย
โMay I?โ Suguru asked, eyes meeting yours but you tilted your head. โWords, Suguโฆ I canโt exactly see down there right nowโฆโ You held in a giggle as his lips parted before closing again, rosy cheeks deepening as he realized his fatal mistake. โOh.โ laughter was laced with those two words, causing you to smile back. โMay I use your cum as lube?โ Suguru spoke slowly, smirking at you as your small smile turned into a look of surprise. โI-Ohโฆ fuck.โ You choked, the back of your hand pressing to your mouth for a moment before you squeaked out a โyeah.โ Suguru moved a second later, guiding the dull head of his cock between your folds and spreading them. You breathed out, low and stuttering as his head passed over your still sensitive clit. He repeated the motions a few times, watching you jump as heโd get caught on your entrance before moving up again. Suguru only stopped once he couldnโt tell what was covering him more, his own pre-cum or your arousal.ย
His fist began dragging up his length, spreading it until he felt it was good enough for your comfort. โLay backโฆ if you can.โ Suguruโs tone had turned soft, yet again giving you whiplash from the constantly revolving tones and emotions. You nodded, pushing yourself further up the wooden altar. You werenโt quite sure what Suguru had in mind at that moment, watching you get yourself situated so your whole body was on top of the platform. You leaned back, resting your body weight on your elbows but stopping when you felt your body begin to strain. โKinda hurtsโฆโ you mumbled, cheeks feeling warm as you tried to find a comfortable position with your swollen belly. โI bet itโs too much pressure to be on your hands and knees, right?โ His eyes had softened, admiring you with a small smile as he watched you nod. โWould it be easier if you had support under your back?โ Your brows creased, contemplating for a moment before nodding.ย
โIt wouldnโt hurt to try.โ Again, you didnโt quite know how Suguru was going to go about helping you with that. But he was walking away from you, over to his discarded silk robes, and you felt your face burning up with the realization as he began to fold them. โThese are soft, if I place them under your back it should offer you some comfort.โ he grinned as he walked back towards you on the altar, the fine robes folded in a neat pile. โSuguโฆ what if we get themโฆโ but he shook his head, helping you sit up again so he could place them behind you. โIf they get dirty, they can be cleaned. I have a few backups of these, you know.โ You shook your head, fighting off your laugh as he motioned for you to try and lay back again. โHow is that?โ Suguru watched you carefully as you tried to get comfortable. โIf it doesnโt help, I can figure something else out.โ You had to avert your gaze for a moment, eyes lingering on his leaking cock before meeting his eyes.
โI doubt youโll be able to think straight for much longer, Suguru.โย
His eyes widened, cheeks flushing red as he was rendered speechless by your comment. โThis feels fine, Suguru. Just get up here with me.โ You were leaning back on your elbows again, this time to watch him climb up on top of the altar with you, opposed for comfort purposes. โShow me how much you missed me, Sugu.โ He couldnโt help himself any longer, moving to climb on top of you as you leaned back completely. It certainly wasnโt the most comfortable position or location you had been fucked in, but it would do. Especially when he was right there in front of you again. Nothing else mattered but him. โFuck I love you.โ he nearly choked as he pressed his lips to yours, hands bracing himself by flattening on either side of your head. Your legs fell open easily, allowing him to press up against you as you locked your ankles behind the small of his back. Your hands found their home on his biceps again, the warmth of your bodies pressing to one another was as dizzing as the kiss. โYou good?โ he rasped as he pulled back.ย
โYeah, Iโm fine.โ You assured him, knowing he was worried about putting any weight on you. โIโm a little sensitive but Iโm not fragile, Sugu.โ You would say anything at this point if it meant heโd get inside of you quicker. โPlease justโฆ tell me if something isnโt right.โ You could feel his hips grinding up against you, cock sliding along your cunt but not going further. โI willโฆ fuck I promise I will but Suguru pleaseโฆ I need you insideโฆ so badโฆโ you whined, losing sense of your own rationality again as he teased you unknowingly. โOkayโฆokayโฆโ desperation was lacing his own words, one hand moving down to wrap around his shaft and guide his cock to your entrance. โItโs been a while, Iโll try to go slow.โ You grumble out some sort of response, too worked up to care as his head pushes between your folds. Suguru feels your breathing stutter as he slips in, your cunt stretching to accommodate him. It didnโt hurt, but you could feel the pressure ebbing its way down to your thighs, inhaling deeply as you tried to relax.ย
Suguru was focused, leaning back a little bit so he could watch himself disappear inside of you. โAlmost half way, sweet girl.โ you whined out an โokayโ,ย eyes looking past him to the ceiling of the temple above you before moving back down to the top of his head. It felt like you needed to keep making sure this was real, that he was really in front of you, nevermind inside. Your walls were suctioning to him, clenching involuntarily as he finally bottomed out after what felt like an eternity. โThere we goโฆ oh fuckโฆโ your face was contorted in pleasure, watching Suguru fall apart from simply entering you was more than you could handle. โFuck I missed youโฆ I almost forgot how good you feelโฆ shit.โ He couldnโt move yet, even though his hips were restless. Suguru was certain if he moved, he would cum then and there. He wasnโt even sure how he had managed to keep it together while entering you, cock twitching so harshly he was certain he would have blown his load half way in. โSuguruโฆโย
His name was one of the few words you could remember at that point, the most your brain was willing to offer as it melted into a puddle of mush. โIโm right here.โ he cooed, leaning down again to press his lips to yours once, twice, three times before showering the rest of your face in chaste reassuring kisses. โYouโre doing so good for me, sweet girl. Taking me so well after so many monthsโฆ youโre so perfectโฆ so fucking perfect.โ he breathed, forehead pressing against yours as his body contorted around the swell of your stomach. โJust tell me when I can move, okay?โ he had gotten himself together somehow, now all he wanted was to hear you tell him it was okay. You nodded, inhaling deeply before uttering out โokayโฆ you can moveโฆ just start slow.โ Suguru let out a shuddering breath, kissing you one last time before he drew his hips back halfway.ย
Suguru had always relied on harsh, quick snaps of his hips for you, knowing you enjoyed things rather rough. The request to be easy, start slow, be gentle with you, it was a change of pace he hadn't been prepared for. You whined for him, finding pleasure even as he rolled his hips into you to try and find a pace that felt good for him. Your cunt hadnโt changed, still warm and tight, squeezing him to the point it was nearly hard to move. โA-are you okay?โ breathless โYouโre so tightโฆ itโs not uncomfortable for you, right?โ You nodded, face warming as you tried to find the right words. โI-iโm okay it feels really goodโฆ justโฆ sensitiveโฆโ you moaned as he rolled a little deeper, brushing that one particular spot. You clenched, somehow growing even tighter and causing Suguru to groan loudly. โY-youโre doing so good, Suguruโฆโ His eyes opened, meeting your gaze to make sure you werenโt just saying it to appease him.ย
โI mean it.โ you added, lips falling open as another breathy whine left you. Suguruโs hips continued to roll into you at an agonizing pace, sending shivers straight down your spine as molten pleasure settled in your gut. โY-you can speed up when youโre ready tooโฆโ It was your not so subtle way of showing your impatience, earning a low chuckle from Suguru as he rolled his hips at a faster pace. Your whines only grew in pitch, words of encouragement falling from your lips as Suguru worked towards a pace where heโd be able to thrust into you without overwhelming you. โI missed this cunt so badโฆโ he choked out, eyes lidded and mouth hanging open partially as he let himself get lost in the embrace of your body. โSo fucking softโฆโ he coudlnโt get over it, the way your velvety soft walls clung to his cock with each movement.ย
It wasnโt until his hips began to snap into you, watching your breasts bounce with each connection of your hips that Suguru realized how close he was to coming.ย
โOh fuckโฆโ he choked, face heating up as his hips stuttered in their pace. โIs something wrong?โ you nearly cried out, eyes welling from pleasure as you looked at him. โI-Shit.โ he gasped, hips unable to stop their movement. โGonnaโฆ fuck Iโm gonna cum.โ he got it out finally, head falling foreward because of embarrassment. He hadnโt had this issue since the first time you two slept together, back then it was from pure inexperience. Now, it was because heโd gone too long without you. โO-ohโฆโ you gasped out, back arching near painfully as he passed over that one particular spongy spot again. โ...sโokay if you cumโฆSuguโฆ I donโt mindโฆ haโฆโ ย You were close again yourself, pregnancy causing you to become more sensitive than you thought possible. You couldnโt recall a time where you had cum without any other stimulation to pair with Suguru thrusting into you. โI-are you sureโฆโ his head lifted, face completely red as he tried to concentrate on not making an absolute fool of himself.ย
โJ-just because you come it doesnโt mean you have to pull out.โ you added weakly, accidentally clenching around him and causing you both to moan in unison. โG-give me your all, Suguru.โ Your plea was enough to have him curling into you, head resting on your chest as his hips stuttered into your cunt. You couldnโt decipher what he was saying as he came, the words sounding like nothing more than mumbled nonsense. It was only when your own breathing settled that you realized what he was saying. โThank youโฆ thank youโฆ thank youโฆโ Over and over, quiet praises, thanking you again and again. Shakily your hand came up to run through his sweaty hair, your other hand resting on his bicep. โIโve got youโฆโ you added softly as you felt wet tears littering your chest. How odd it felt to see a grown man fall apart in every sense of the word. Suguru relaxed on top of the altar, slowly pulling himself back together as he looked at you. โI love you.โ he uttered with pure adoration in his eyes.ย
โI love you too.โ You whispered back, hand slipping from his hair to his cheek, cupping it. โYouโre so pretty, Sugu.โ you smiled as his eyes closed again, nuzzling into your palm. โSo are youโฆ ya know.โ he cleared his throat a bit, hips still buried deep. โIโmโฆโ he laughed a bit. โIโm still hard.โ You laughed with him, a bit worn out already โI know, I can feel it.โ Your hips wiggled, Suguru watched as your face contorted in pleasure as you pushed him further into that one particular spot that had you seeing stars. โYou still need to come, pretty girl.โ he was regaining his composure with each passing second. โYouโve already made me come once.โ But you knew he was having none of that, five months apart did not equate to one orgasm. โWe both need to get off still.โ he corrected, watching that pretty smile take over your features as your hands moved to wrap around his neck. โAlright, if you still have the energyโฆโ You teased him softly, pulling him closer to ghost your lips across one another. โMake me yours, again and again.โย
โAlways.โ he kissed you, softer than any kiss you had shared that night. Slowly he found his rhythm for a second time, hips drawing back and forth into your spent cunt. Everything was hotter, wetter, thanks to Suguruโs release. Every moan was swallowed by his lips, tongues dancing around each other as Suguruโs hand slipped down between your bodies. Even with your pregnant stomach, even with the position you were in, he still managed to sneak his fingers down to your clit, rubbing it harshly until you were nearly yelling. Your body reacted to every touch, your orgasm building again, this time much faster than before. โOh-oh fuckโฆโ you were babbling again, fingers clawing at Suguruโs arms as your cunt clenched tightly around him. Saliva was smeared across your swollen lips, Suguru broke the kiss just to hear your noises properly. โCome for meโฆ fuck I know youโre closeโฆ come for meโฆโ Suguru pleaded with you, hips growing sloppy again from his own sensitivity. You let out another loud cry of his name before spilling all over him, cunt clenching tightly as a warm gush of your own arousal dripped down to the altar below you. That was enough for Suguru, a string of curses flooding his mouth.ย
Still sensitive from his first orgasm, Suguru seemed to feed off the aftershocks by spilling into you a second time. You both laid there for a moment, panting heavily in the large, echoing chambers that surrounded you. โMerry Christmas.โ You offered weakly, a hint of laughter coating your words as Suguruโs head fell to your chest with a breathless laugh. โBest christmas gifts I could have ever received, ya know.โ He looked up at you, cheeks still a bit flushed as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. โI know itโs still a lot to processโฆ but youโve got a home with me if youโre willing to take itโฆ I know I said I wouldnโt let you go butโฆโ Still hesitant, you smiled softly at him, hand cupping his sweat cheek as you soothed his worries. โMy home is with you, Suguru. From now on, where you go, I go.โ Suguruโs shoulders visibly sagged in relief, leaning down to kiss your forehead for a second time with his eyes closed.ย
โLetโs get cleaned up and go home then, my sweet girl.โย
Despite everything, you found yourself praying once more that this wasnโt just a dream. โYeah, letโs go home.โ You smiled as his eyes opened, watching him straighten and kneel before you. You felt him slip out, making you both groan before his hands were reaching to help you up. โWhat a messโฆโ you were quiet as you looked down at the ruined altar top. โIt needed to be replaced eventually.โ Suguru reassured you, getting down off of the polished wood and assisting you to the best of his abilities. โDo you think you can walk?โ you felt your brows creasing at his question, wondering if your legs would be able to support you and your baby if you were to get off of this altar. โIโฆ guess weโll find out.โ But Suguruโs arms were on you in a second, supporting you almost entirely as he helped you get down to the floor. You had to admit your legs did feel jello, shaky and weak as you tried to stand without support. โThat wonโt do.โ Suguru chided, more so mad at himself for not taking it easy on his pregnant girlfriend.ย
โItโs okay, just help me get dressed so we can get out of hereโฆ I need a shower.โ Suguruโs release was starting to drip down your thighs, warming your face as older memories entered your mind. โYes maโam.โ He grabbed your things one at a time, helping you get your bra on, then your shirt. Next he got his own robes on so he could leave the room to get you a washcloth for the mess he made between your thighs. He returned a minute later with a warm, wet cloth in one hand and a fresh dry one in the other. โMy stuff is at a hotel, Suguru. Weโll need to get it before heading home.โ While you could survive on Suguruโs clothes for a day or two, you desperately craved the silky maternity pajamas you had bought yourself a while back. โAlright, Iโll have the driver called to pick us up. Heโll bring us to that hotel and Iโll retrieve your things. Then weโll head home. Nanako and Mimiko are going to be so ecstatic to meet you, sweet girl.โย
Your heart skipped a beat at the thought, the two little girls Suguru had taken in would be waiting for their honorary father to return home. But what about you? โAre you sure? They know I exist?โ you questioned as you spread your legs, letting Suguru gingerly clean up the remnants of his release and your own. โIโve told them all about you, they refer to you as Mama Y/N.โ Mama. You blinked, maybe it was the pregnancy hormones making you sensitive, but that brought tears to your eyes. Suguru had never once spoken badly of you in your time apart, going as far as to speak about you so lovingly to these two little girls that they referred to you as mama without even meeting you. There was still so much that needed to be sorted out, so many emotions to pick apart, but for now it was christmas eve. Those things could wait for a day or two, for now all you needed to focus on was you, Suguru, and your baby growing within you.ย
December 24th, 2007 [Somewhere around 6:30pm]
โCheer up, Satoru. Itโs christmas eve and youโre moping around.โ Shoko pressed his arm, watching his unfocused eyes snap back into reality just to see her. โWhat?โ She sighed, shaking her head as she moved to lean against the wall Satoru had planted himself against. โI feel bad that she isnโt here, too, Satoru. But she said she wasnโt feeling goodโฆโ But Satoru shook his head, pushing himself off the wall for the first time that evening. โSheโs withdrawing from us, she has been for the last few weeksโฆ ever sinceโฆโ But he couldnโt say it, for some reason he found himself choking up trying to utter Suguru's name. โEver since she saw him, I know.โ Saying his name wasnโt exactly smart given the people in the room with them. โSheโs justโฆ sheโs alone on Christmas Eve, Shoko. Thatโs not fairโฆ we should be with her or she should be with us.โย He began shifting from foot to foot, for the first time that night he felt antsy enough to get off the wall he glued himself to and move. โI agree, Satoru, but she doesnโt feel goodโฆโ
โI think she's full of shit, using it as an excuse.โ he spat with more venom than necessary, not really directed at you but more so directed at himself. Shoko studied him for a moment, unsure of how to continue considering they were in a room full of close friends. Friends who all felt the absence of three particular peopleโฆ Haibara, Suguru, and of course, you. It was a much quieter Christmas eve than previous years. So, reluctantly, Shoko pushed off the wall โLetโs get some air, Satoru. I think you could really use it.โ Satoru met her gaze, lips parting before closing again and shoving his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. Without a word, he unpeeled himself from the wall and trailed after Shoko. The two had barely stepped foot into the cold air before Satoru was seething again. โSheโs distancing herself from us, Shoko, donโt you realize that?โ Shoko was pulling a cigarette and lighter out of her pocket, bringing the cylinder to her lips as she mumbled out โOf course I recognize that, Satoru.โ for a moment he bit his tongue, the urge to scream at her for her casual nature was making him feel weak to his own emotions.ย
โThen what do we do? Weโre going to lose her if we donโt figure this outโฆโ if he hasnโt already. Satoru couldnโt shake the pit in his stomach, the feeling that he had already lost you was weighing him down. He had let Suguru slip through his fingers, and now it seemed he was letting it happen all over again with you. โI have no idea, Satoru. I wonโt lie, Iโm not as close with her as you areโฆ I mean you guys just seem to have a much deeper bond than friendshipโฆโ Shoko corrected when Satoruโs head whipped in her direction. She loved you dearly, and she knew that you loved her right back. But she would be an idiot to deny the fact that you and Satoru seemed to have a bond much deeper than friendship. โI donโt know what you meanโโ Satoru choked, lips pressing into a thin line as he nervously pushed his glasses up again. โDonโt lie, Satoru. You know exactly what I mean.โ But Satoru was not going to openly admit to his feelings for you right then. โYou love her in a different way than me, Satoru. You have since our first year here.โ But it seemed Shoko was more than willing to take the opportunity for him.ย
โNow isnโt the timeโฆโ but he could feel his voice trembling as he spoke, head turning away from her to glance across the courtyard. โThen when is it time, Satoru?โ Again, something he didnโt have the answer for, something he probably would never have the answer for. โIโฆfuck I donโt know okay? But right now definitely isnโt the time.โ He looked as if he wanted to jump out of his own skin, Shoko inhaled her smoke deeply before pulling the cig away and letting out in one breath. โGo to her, if you think that is whatโs right. But donโt come back at me if she bites your head off for waking her.โ Maybe Shoko had a little too much faith in your capabilities to remain strong. Satoru, on the other hand, felt like he was racing against a timer that may have already hit zero. โAlright.โ Was all he could push out in that moment, feet moving before his mind could even process it. โBut we do need to have this conversation at some point, Satoru!โ Shoko called but he was already halfway across the courtyard. โSome Christmas Eve this is.โ She huffed, watching the smoke slip past her lips again as she let her head fall back.ย
If she could, she would run to you right now and hold you close. But things had grown so complicated, for some reason she couldnโt find the strength to sit down and pull the information out of you. Deep down, even though she didnโt want to admit it, she knew it was only a matter of time before you disappeared just as Suguru had. She couldnโt say she blamed you, had she been in your shoes she would likely do the same. She knew how dear he was to you, how much love you held in your heart for him even after his deflection. Now you were carrying his child. Shoko could come to terms with the fact that her support and her presence was small in comparison to the support and love Suguru would shower on you and your unborn child. Satoru, however, could not swallow that pill and keep it down. He loved you, much more than a friend. Shoko has known that since your first year at Jujutsu Tech, as much as Satoru had been pining, Suguru had beat him to youโฆ and inevitably won your heart. She knew it ate him alive to this very day.ย
โ
Satoru couldnโt figure out why his hands were trembling as they gripped the railing. Every step he took, every step that carried him up towards your dorm floor had his legs threatening to crumble. He couldnโt shake the doom gripping at his heart, as if he somehow already knew that something was terribly wrong. Still, he pushed forward despite his heart threatening to break out of his ribcage and fling itself out the nearest window. It was quiet as he hit the landing, so quiet it felt empty, as if there was no human life inhabiting the floor. Satoruโs stomach was dropping with each step he took, forcing air into his lungs just to exhale slowly as he approached your dormโs door. His hand raised, knuckles rapping against the door. โY/N? You Awake?โย
No answer.ย
Satoruโs hand wrapped around the cool metal of the doorknob before twisting and pushing it open. โY/N?โ he took a step inside, surprised to see your desk lamp on. It took Satoru another second to process that you werenโt present in the room. He blinked slowly, eyes traveling over a room that now felt foreign to him. Inch by inch, he noticed that things were missing. Your room feels emptier than usual, and not just because of your absence. โShit.โ He chokes, walking further into your dorm room to assure himself that he wasnโt imagining it. Usually, heโd never invade your space in such a way but Satoru found himself ripping your closet door open and cursing louder when he realized a majority of the hangers were empty.ย
He couldnโt see straight, not as he stumbled backwards and out of your room. Satoruโs legs carried him on autopilot, straight down the hall to Shokoโs empty dorm room. He pushed the door open, flicking on the lights and checking her bed to make sure you hadnโt snuck in to it. As expected, it was empty. The door slammed so hard it rattled the frame, but Satoru couldnโt even hear it, not over the roaring of blood in his ears as he stumbled down to his dorm room. He swung the door open so hard it hit the wall and ricocheted back at him, but he was already in the room and out of its path. His eyes were frantic, wide and unnerving as he looked at his empty bedโฆ a note neatly sitting on his pillow, his name written in your scrawling font.ย
Bile burned Satoruโs throat, without even picking up the envelope he knew it was a goodbye.ย
The bile burning his throat wasnโt going back down, panic ebbed through his veins as he turned on his heels and stumbled into the bathroom. Satoru puked the little contents he had left in his stomach, tears blurring his vision as he tossed his glasses onto the tile floor. It wasnโt until he heaved a third time that his knees gave out on him, hitting the cold tile below him with a sickening thud. He couldnโt see through the tears, a mix of broken sobs and curses falling from his lips as saliva filled his mouth and his stomach squeezed painfully tight. For a minute he thought it would be impossible to pull air into his lungs, maybe the universe would grace him with blacking out. Maybe when he woke up heโd realize this was all a bad dream.ย
But the universe wasnโt that kind to Satoru, it probably never would be.
There, on the bathroom floor, the strongest sorcerer was reduced to a crying mess. All because of you, all because of his mistakes, all because of things he had let slip through his fingers. How childish could he be? To mess up so badly the first time that he failed Suguru. The eyes that were supposed to see everything had let his best friend fall with no one to catch him. Now, it was you, right before his very eyes he watched you slowly decay into a shell of your former self. But, again, he ignored the warning signs and you had slipped right through his grasp. He couldnโt process anything else in that moment, fingers gripping the sides of the toilet as he heaved again.ย
Satoru wasnโt sure how long he remained a crumpled heap on his bathroom floor, but eventually there was nothing else that could come out of him. In a daze, Satoru pulled himself off the ground, flushing the toiletโs contents, standing to grasp for the faucetโs knobs and pulling until cold water rushed from its opening. The cold water grounded him, forcing air into his too-tight lungs, one after another, until tears were flowing freely down his cheeks again. Was this a panic attack? Is that what it felt like? Like you were drowning on dry land? He wasnโt sure, but he knew he needed to read whatever you left behind in that envelope.ย
He needed to have some idea on why you did this, even if he knew why you did this. He turned the water off, silence ringing in his ears as he dried his shaking hands and stumbled into his too cold bedroom. Satoru wiped his eyes, over and over and over until the tears stopped long enough for him to see clearly. Grabbing the envelope, he sat himself down at his desk, letting the lampโs golden glow illuminate the words he was too scared to read. He stared at it, blinking slowly as he looked over your handwriting. How did he let this happen, not once but twice? That anger from earlier was bubbling in his stomach again, threatening to reduce him to a scared child as he hurled anything left in his stomach. This time he swallowed it down.ย
The paper was cold in his hands as he ripped open your neatly put together work. Inside the envelope was one piece of paper. One piece of paper was all you needed to say goodbye. His heart clenched, lips forming into a scowl at the very thought. Maybe he had been a fool all this time, a fool to think he meant anything of significance to you. The urge to rip the single page nearly overtook him, not willing to let you explain yourself and just throw it away. You had thrown everything away, after all. What harm was him ripping up one, useless, pathetic letter?ย
He set it down before doing something that irrational, his mind going through a mix of emotions that he could only describe as grief. Mourning someone who wasnโt dead all over again.ย
Satoru stared at the letter, heart squeezing so tightly in his chest as he spotted water marks. Water stains where your tears had smudged the ink slightly. Every ounce of anger in his body seemed to vanish the moment he saw them, something so small that delivered such a big message. He inhaled deeply, trying to find some sort of sanity to cling to before picking up the page and reading everything you had written for him. It was you after all, no matter how upset he got, heโd never be able to do any of the things he had contemplated only seconds prior. Shakily, he picked it up, holding it at an angle where he could easily read its contents.ย
Satoru,ย
I donโt know where to start, so maybe itโs best if I donโt even try. If I were to sit here as I am now, writing down every single thing I ever wanted to say to you Iโd run out of paper and time. So, although you deserve far better than this letter, I will try and keep it short and to the point.ย
You have done everything for me over these last five months, and there is nothing I can do that will ever amount to something worthy of returning the favor. I will forever be thankful for everything you have done for me. I would not have survived these last few months if it werenโt for you, Toru.ย
I donโt want you to blame yourself, because my choice is completely my own. There is nothing you could have done to change my mind. I think we both know that, whether you want to believe it or not. I canโt imagine the pain Iโm causing you by doing thisโฆ Iโm not going to ask for your forgiveness because truly I donโt deserve it and I donโt expect it.ย
I cannot go about my pregnancy without Suguru knowing. This is something that is meant to be precious to me, cherishing every minute of my baby growing inside of meโฆ but I havenโt been able to enjoy it. My child deserves a happy mother and their father to be in their life. The only thing you are unable to provide for me, Satoru, is bringing Suguru back to our side.ย
I have no choice but to go, for the sake of myself and the sake of my baby, I need him to know.ย
This isnโt how I wanted things to happen, you know. I donโt think that needs to be said because of course I didnโt intend on getting pregnant and Suguru losing his mind. I didnโt intend on leaving you or Shoko. I didnโt think Iโd ever have to say goodbye to you, Satoru. Nevermind having to say it through a shitty letter. God this is fucking stupid. You deserve so much more than a fucking letter.ย
Please, find your happiness, Satoru. I love you.ย
Your Y/N
Tears were burning his tired eyes, distorting your words as he tried to read it for a second time. Time seemed to stretch on forever in that one moment, leaving him to feel like a hollow shell of the person he once was. His heart was no longer within his chest, he was sure of it. Half of it had been taken by Suguru when he deflected. Now, the other half was long gone, tucked away in whatever belongings you had taken with you when you left. Nothing but a hole was left in its place, the broken halves of his heart were somewhere far away with the two people who meant more than anything to him. Maybe theyโd do him a favor and stitch the halves together again.ย
~ END OF PART 2 ~
Thank you so much for reading, I hope I didn't hurt you too much. As always, likes, comments, reblogs, and asks are always welcomed and greatly appreciated... till we meet again in part 3 :) - May ๐ฉต
#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#jjk fanfic#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen angst#jjk smut#jjk angst#geto suguru smut#geto suguru imagines#geto suguru x reader#suguru geto#geto suguru#suguru geto x reader#geto x reader#suguru x reader#suguru x y/n#suguru x you#jujutsu kaisen imagine#satoru gojo#gojo satoru#shoko ieiri#geto smut#satoru#gojo#geto x you#geto x y/n#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen scenarios#May's Pale Blue๐ฉต
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Back For More | J.WW
+ summary: while adjusting to your new life in college, you couldn't help but attract the attention of wonwoo, someone who you happen to have a history with.
+ pairing: badboy!wonwoo x fem!reader
+ word count: 2.7k
+ content: badboy!wonwoo, college au, mature language, flirting (wonwoo is a menace), jealousy. [pls let me know if i missed anything!]
Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV
[แฐ.แ] i hope you guys enjoy this! it's most likely going to be a two-parter so definitely let me know if you want to be added to my taglist! i would greatly appreciate it if you guys reblogged (maybe with comments too ^^) since i thrive on your guys' validation :)
You were tired, very tired.
Granted, this was your own doing. Maybe if you hadn't pushed your responsibilities to the side last night you wouldn't have had to wake up so early to study for an exam, but what's done is done. This whole college thing was not going so well, to say the least. Sure, it's only the beginning of the second semester, but you already feel exhausted by all of your class workloads.
Just ten more minutes of this boring lecture and you could finally go home and crawl into bed. Butโฆ that's only if you avoid him today. Which now that youโre thinking about it, you hope he isnโt waiting for you outside, again. That would be the last thing you needed today.
With that being said, things have felt a little weird if you were being honest. Of course, this was your first year of university, so things were bound to feel new and different. But there was something, or rather someone that was making you feel strange.
Around two weeks ago you noticed that Wonwoo, an old classmate of yours, had recently started to become a bit friendly towards you. While that normally wouldnโt be considered weird, you couldnโt help but feel skeptical about his intentions. You knew the kind of people he surrounded himself with, and especially the girls he would go after; which was the exact opposite of you. So what exactly did he want from you?
What also makes this situation more odd is that youโve basically known Wonwoo for your whole life. Of course, you donโt actually know him, you just happened to go to the same elementary, middle, and high school (which is insane if you think about it). Acquaintance is a perfect word to describe your relationship with him, nothing more nothing less. So yeahโฆ itโs a little weird when the guy you have been around for (almost) your whole life is suddenly trying to befriend you, there definitely had to be something wrong with him.
All you knew about Wonwoo was that he was on the more reserved and quiet side; mainly keeping to himself most of the time. His group of friends was quite the opposite of him, which always made you wonder how he even became friends with them in the first place.
Seeing how the lecture was ending soon, you started to pack your stuff; you were more than ready to dash straight out of the classroom. Having finished all of your assignments for today, you had nothing left to worry about. So once the professor had made her goodbyes, you made a straight beeline to the door, nothing was going to hold you back from your long-awaited nap. Your pace was brisk, attempting to avoid the backed-up main exit, you decided to go to the opposite door. The walk back to your apartment wasnโt too bad either, most of the time you saw it as a way to daydream and listen to music. So while you scrolled through your various playlists, you happened to miss the (very obvious) figure following you.
Wonwoo called out your name a few times until it finally dawned on him that you had your headphones on. He took a few long strides to catch up to you; he was very adamant on getting your attention this morning. With ease, he quickly plucked your headphones off of your head.
โWhat are we listening to today?โ He said while adjusting the headphones on his head. It took you a second to fully process what he was doing. You knew he was doing it to provoke you, but you were determined to not let that happen today. So to his surprise, you simply kept walking. You figured that he would continue with his antics if you gave him the reaction that he wanted so you did the opposite, you ignored him.
What shocked him the most was seeing you pull out an old pair of earbuds and plugging them into your phone. He was dumbfounded to say the least, how were you so prepared and why were you ignoring him?
And again, he quickly caught up with a few simple steps. He took your headphones off of his head and tapped them against your shoulder.
With a tired sigh, you turned around to face him but couldnโt help but admire his face. You really didn't want to lose that โexpressionlessโ look you were going for (to help you ignore him of course), but that small smile of his was enough to crack you down. It's like he knew that it was your one weakness when it came to him. This was the most annoying part of it all. Anytime he smiled or looked at you, a tiny part inside you secretly liked it, making you crave his attention at times.
Objectively speaking, Wonwoo was very handsome. That was something you could never deny, you would even go as far as to say that he was your type but you didn't particularly like the people he called his โfriendsโ so you were stuck in a weird limbo.
โIs there something on my face, birdy?โ
You scoffed at the nickname. โI told you not to call me that.โ
Wonwooโs eyes were looking straight into yours, a smirk slowly creeping up to his lips. It didn't help that he was looking really good today either, his messy hair combined with the whole biker fit did wonders for your eyes. He was about to say something before you heard your ringtone go off, evidently cutting him off.
Oh.
It was Hyunwoo. That's odd... you finished your shared project with him rather early, what could he be calling you about? Either way, you answered the random call in front of a rather annoyed Wonwoo.
"Hello?"
"Heyyy yn, I was wondering if you wanted to get lunch later today?" You couldn't help but feel your eyes widen at his sudden question. Since when did he want to hang out with you? Last time you checked he had a plethora of girls that he was talking to... maybe he was interested in you? No, you shouldn't get too ahead of yourself...
"Um... let me check if I have anything to do first. Can I call you back?" You knew that you sounded nervous but how else were you supposed to feel when the cute guy from your physics class was literally asking you to eat lunch with him?
As soon as you ended the call, you felt Wonwoo's arm snake its way down to your waist. You couldnโt help but yelp at the sudden intimate contact. Chuckling at your reaction, he leaned down, closer to your ear. โWho was that?โ
"No one." You stated simply, it wasn't his business anyway.
"Hm, okay," Wonwoo rested his head on your shoulder, continuing to speak lowly in your ear. "I'll remember that birdy."
Before you could even come up with something to counter him, he decided to speak up once again.
"Well, I do have something rather important to tell you." His voice was so calm and soothing, you could honestly listen to it for hours on end if you had the chance.
"What is it?" You hoped he couldn't sense your rather, embarrassing, curiosity.
"Heard you used to have a little crush on me," his voice was evidently smug, knowing that this would surely get a rise out of you.
Which it did.
Your face burned at the memories of when you used to have a crush on Wonwoo. But, that had to be in fourth gradeโฆ so how could he have known about that? Nonetheless, you scoffed at his statement, not wanting to know that you were a little embarrassed by the sudden reminder.
โKey word, had,โ you rolled your eyes at him. This did make you curious though, who could have possibly told him that? So you asked him exactly that.
โHow do you even know about that?โ His smile never faltered even as you lightly pushed his hand away from your waist. If anything, this made him want to touch you even more.
โI have my ways,โ he stated simply. Of course, he does. You hated when he would shrug things off, now this was going to bother you for the entire week!
One thing about Wonwoo was that he has always been curious about you, this interest stemming back all the way to your elementary days. This curiosity eventually intensified in junior year of high school when you began to show your blatant distaste towards him. He just had to get to know you.
He looked down at you, his face was unreadable like always. You never knew what was going on in that mind of his.
"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be hanging out with your actual friends?" Sometimes you couldn't help but blurt out your thoughts to him even if they sounded a bit rude. His face faltered for a split second, probably caught off guard by the random question. Shoot, you really didnโt mean to say that out loud. Although, it looks like Wonwoo didnโt take any offense to your sudden question. If anything, it made him... smile?
โI am hanging out with my friend,โ he stopped you to face him, โwhich is you.โ You rolled your eyes at him. That had to be the corniest thing he has ever said to you if you were being honest. You just hated that giddy feeling he would give you any time he said something remotely cheesy.
"Ugh, you're so dumb," you groaned while checking the time on your phone. It was getting close to noon and you hadn't responded to Hyunwoo's question from earlier. Maybe it was best if you didn't go... who knows what he wanted from you. If you were being completely honest, you didn't know if you had it in you to see other people at the moment, aside from Wonwoo of course.
"Have somewhere to be?" Wonwoo asked, a hint of concern peeking through his voice.
"No, thank god, but I do have a scheduled nap to get to so if you don't mind-" you were cut off by the sound of an engine revving, making your body jump at the unexpected noise. You turned to see where the source of the commotion was coming from but then realized it was coming from a group of bikers nearby; most likely Wonwoo's friends.
Or so you thought?
Wonwoo didn't seem too pleased with the group that was getting closer to where the two of you were. On the contrary, Wonwoo looked pissed. His jaw was visibly clenched, the gentle grip he had on your waist tightened, and his eyes lost that playful spark he had earlier. You couldn't help but feel guilty for thinking about how hot Wonwoo looked when he was angry. Of course, you would never want to be on the receiving end of his anger but seeing it on the sidelines was quite... interesting.
Wait. This might actually be serious, so it's best if you leave before anything crazy happens.
"I think I'm going to head out now..." you said quietly as you tried to slip away from Wonwoo's (awfully) strong grasp.
He turned to look at you, his eyes softening once they landed on your figure. Why did they have to come and bother him at this exact moment? He knew that whatever was going to happen was not going to be pretty, but he found himself reluctant to let you go.
Before truly letting you go, he quietly asked, "Are you sure? I can take you home if you want me to." As soft as his voice was, he still managed to sound composed which was comforting considering the situation.
You nodded in response, "I don't live that far from here so it's fine, thank you for the offer though." You managed to flash him a small, awkward smile before turning away from him and heading toward the direction of your apartment. You didn't know what exactly was going on between those guys and Wonwoo but it for sure wasn't friendly. Although it wasn't exactly your issue, you couldn't help but feel worried about Wonwoo, even if he was a pain in the ass sometimes.
Much to your dismay, that scheduled nap never came your way that day.
You blame Wonwoo, how were you supposed to sleep peacefully knowing he was probably getting jumped? Okay, you might be jumping to conclusions but what else were you supposed to think about when he was visibly angry at the mere sight of those guys?
Realistically speaking, it's only been two days since that whole incident happened. Granted, you haven't seen Wonwoo since then but that could mean a lot of things.
[...]
While you were in line to get a smoothie from one of the pop-up shops near the campus, you felt a sudden tap on your shoulder.
"Did my little birdy miss me?" You felt Wonwoo say right next to your ear, his breath fanning across your earlobe. It sent a wave of tingles down your spine, making you shudder in turn. Though you weren't a fan of his spontaneous appearance.
"God, you need to stop doing that! I almost slapped you I swear-" You stopped mid-way once you turned around and saw his face. He had a few cuts on his lips and eyebrows and one big bruise across his cheek. Those guys really did a number on him.
Your eyebrows furrowed in concern, "are you okay?"
He tried to wave it off but you could tell he was bothered by your question, "It's fine, really, don't worry about it." Was he insane? How were you not going to worry when he was visibly injured?
"Were these from the guys on Tuesday?" You couldn't help but ask, where else would he get these cuts and bruises if it didn't come from them?
His demeanor immediately switched and he pushed himself away from you.
"It's none of your business so stay out of it."
"Okay." That was the only thing you said before grabbing your smoothie from the worker and quickly walking away from the shop. If he wanted to be like that then so be it. You most definitely were not going to wait for him to 'open up' by all means, he could throw himself a pity party for all you care.
"Wait-" He tried reaching for your arm but you were too quick for him. Your steps were swift, helping you create a reasonable distance between you and Wonwoo. He called out your name a few times before giving up, he didn't want to gather any unwanted attention from the people nearby. Reaching your pace, Wonwoo was finally close enough to grab your wrist and make you look at him.
"Are you seriously ignoring me?" His voice was a bit jagged, no doubt coming from the unexpected cardio you made him do to catch up to you.
Unfortunately for him, you were petty. "You said it wasn't my business, so please do not talk to me because I really do not care." You brushed past him once again this time making sure he could not grab your arms or wrists.
He exhaled in annoyance, "Look I'm sorry-" Wonwoo was mid-apology before being abruptly cut off by the voice of a guy yelling your name out loud.
Speaking of the devil, what immaculate timing.
"Hey yn! Did you still want to get food after class?" Hyunwoo jogged to where you were standing but saw how Wonwoo was still trying to talk to you.
"Sorry, were you busy with him?"
You instantly responded to Hyunwoo, "No, he was just asking for directions, but yeah I'm down for food." Like before, you made your way towards Hyunwoo, making sure to bump into Wonwoo. He couldn't help but stay frozen in place as he watched you walk to class with some random guy, jealousy slowly invading his mind.
Directions? Did she really...?
As much as Wonwoo wanted to be mad at you, he really had no one to blame but himself. The whole situation with his old group of 'friends' was really getting to him so once you popped that question it just seemed to send him over the edge. He just didn't know how far you would go to express your annoyance towards him. Now all he had to do was find a way to properly apologize to you before that Hyunwoo guy got to you first.
The only thing stopping him? He didn't have your number or any of your socials...
Part Two: II
#wonwoo x reader#wonwoo fanfic#wonwoo imagines#wonwoo scenarios#svt x reader#svt fanfic#svt fic#svt scenarios#svt imagines#seventeen fanfiction#seventeen imagines#seventeen scenarios#seventeen#svt#jeon wonwoo#jeon wonwoo x reader#jeon wonwoo imagines#wonwoo fic#wonwoo smut#svt smut#luv!writes#kyeomofhearts
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SCORE THAT GOAL! โ smau
after your college had announced that all the students were required to join a club and attend it twice a week, you were planning on either a) dropping out, or b) join the art club and pretend to be sick most of the times. that was before you discovered that park jisung is a long time member of the football team. change in plans: you LOVE football.
or in which you mindlessly join the football club in hopes of catching your crushโs attention (and to maybe secretly check him out too) who cares if you canโt even kick a ball up in the air?
football-player!jisung x fem!reader
genre ; rlly just humour, football / sports au, fluff, some angst, pining and eventually mutual pining, probably slow-burn, college au, strangers to lovers.
extras ; teasing and profanity | sexual and death jokes | reader is down bad | jisung kinda dislikes reader and closed off at the start | my knowledge on football isnโt the BEST but i know above basics and enough for this fic | idrc if some of these subject clubs donโt exist this is for entertainment ๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ
notes ; ๐ญ mostly posting this for myself cos iโve wanted to try a smau for a while now but i hope anyone else enjoys too.
PLAYLIST ; Rising , TripleS โ Hype Boy , newjeans โ Awkward , SZA โ Gasoline , ROSY (FT. LILMONEY) โ Attracted To You , Pinkpantheress โ Cognac Queen , Megan Thee Stallion โ Goodie Bag , Still Woozy โ Eyedress , Something About You .
STATUS ; completed! (24.02.24)
profiles (1) | profiles (2)
1 ) donghyuckโs fault
2 ) 20% more insane
3 ) itโs the voices again
4 ) yes captain!
5 ) invest in a priv account
6 ) peach lipton ice tea
7 ) no suicide EVER
8 ) always believe women
9 ) grape & lemon drink
10 ) favourite teammate
11 ) wingman
12 ) jenoโs food provider
13 ) no lunch
14 ) awkward tension
15 ) a simple conversation
16 ) an even more normal conversation
17 ) under my umbrella
18 ) a canon event (ft. Renjun's Black Friday offer)
19 ) feeling submissive and fragile
20 ) woman hobbies & failed courseworks
21 ) man up and break it
22 ) make-up brush vs subway sandwich
23 ) OFFICIAL FRIENDSHIP!!!
24 ) a nice gesture
25 ) NOT my boyfriend
26 ) business exchange
27 ) what about mark?
28 ) winter wonders with you
29 ) JISUNG vs MARK
30 ) my princess (very lame)
31 ) riddle me this
32 ) do you like her? (probably)
33 ) wtf does QUORA know?
34 ) JISUNGxY/N: plan A
35 ) evil out the way, GOOD RIDDANCE
36 ) basketball incidents.
37 ) JISUNGxY/N: plan B (the jisung quiz)
38 ) E-DATING ๐๐๐ฅ
39 ) wise words from renjun
40 ) that one sign
41 ) guess itโs a date
42 ) (unofficial) couple goals
43 ) the y/nle argument
44 ) professional over-thinker
45 ) executing major girlboss energy
46 ) the confession prep
47 ) knock some sense into them
48 ) war is over
49 ) knock some sense into JISUNG
50 ) an overdue confession
51 ) be your boyfriend?
52 ) scored that goal!
BONUS:
jisung the blonde
JISUNG vs MARK pt.2
jaeminโs hit tweets
the jeno quiz
one huge polyamory relationship
rating my boyfriendโs hair colours
thank you for reading!
#jisung smau#park jisung smau#nct smau#nct dream smau#jisung imagines#park jisung imagines#nct imagines#nct dream imagines#jisung x reader#park jisung x reader#nct x reader#nct dream x reader#jisung texts#park jisung texts#nct dream texts#jisung fluff#park jisung fluff#nct fluff#nct dream fluff#nct dream social media au#jisung social media au#jisung scenarios#park jisung scenarios#nct scenarios#nct dream scenarios#park jisung x you#nct x you#nct dream x you
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Wants
More ramblings of an insomniac, still not proofread but i wanna throw this out here. We're back on our smut roll as well!
No one really cared what Astarion wanted or didn't want to do. He'd stopped resisting at some point, just letting whomever had higher status overrule him even when it came to his own body. But you, you didn't do that. You never asked him to do something he didn't want. So he asked himself; what did he want? You. He wanted you. Could he have you?
Genre: Smut Pairing: Astarion x (fem)reader Kinks: PiV, little bit of orgasm control, biting, marking, dirty talk Words: 7400+ Need something to listen to? This is what I listened to while writing this: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4XkxtmnNB3RI55o414xpdx?si=ef01f7ab913f4a26
Astarion wouldnโt say that you liked him per se, itโs doubtful you even enjoyed his company unlike how you enjoyed the company of say Wyll or Shadowheart. Yet you couldnโt possibly dislike him either, after all; who letโs a vampire drink from them if you didnโt at least tolerate him.ย
โIs he yours? Heโs quite handsome, that canโt be a coincidence, you know how to pick them.โ Her eyes scanned him, a smile tugging at her lips as he seemed to evaluate his very existence.
โ...You mean Astarion? I didnโt pick him, heโs here โcus he wants to be. Besides, if I knew him beforehand itโs doubtful Iโd pick him anyways.โ You replied, arms crossed over your chest.
โHah! Youโre funny, well heโs clearly under your command anyways. Wonโt you let me borrow him? Iโve always wanted to be bitten by a vampire you seeโฆโ She drew closer, her eyes still looking him up and down. Nausea grew in his belly, his throat closing up.
Astarion wouldnโt say he liked you either per se, you didnโt make yourself the most personable exactly. You were blunt, which he enjoyed, as long as it wasnโt directed at him. Yet you werenโt afraid to speak your mind when he tried to play with you. Every and all attempts to get under your skin was answered with distinct indifference, not full rejection but without skipping a beat you continued whatever line of thought you had started. The most he could pull from you was the occasional laugh at his antics, mocking his clearly practiced recitals of lines heโd used dozens of times on hundreds of other people. You often replied with your own dry sense of humor. Sometimes though, he could swear that your cheeks flushed ever so slightly, but it was hard to tell since these few times were also those when you promptly turned your face away from him, suddenly a lot more interested in a bird or bush. And if he pushed, you were suddenly convinced you heard Karlach break something or Gale needing help with supper. He considered giving up, treating you with the same distance he kept to the other companions, yet you always seemed to gravitate back to his tent, to the spot next to him or simply to wherever he was. He wouldnโt say he liked you, but he couldnโt deny that he enjoyed your company.
โWell, Iโm a spawn technically so you know, not a true vampire.โ He managed to keep his voice light and comical, a half-hearted attempt at dissuading her, to keep her hands to herself. โBesides, I think Iโd like to keep my teeth to myself this time.โ
โMhโฆ Well no matter, youโre pretty enough to make it an overseeable difference. But I didnโt ask you, spawn.โ The word was an insult. โI was talking to your commander here, or is it master? I can make it worth your while.โ
The bite in your words and the general lack of give to his pushing and pulling gave him a weird sense of comfort. He could spew whatever lines heโd used before, chewed up and spit back out over and over again and you justโฆ moved past them. You were bored by them, but not by him. He felt comfortable telling you about Cazador, about his scars, both physical and mental. Youโd never gone too deep, but you had listened and you hadnโt let it color the way you treated him. There was a certain respect to the way you kept him at a distance, he couldnโt trap you under his thumb even if he tried. Yet you stayed besides him.
โWhy in the nine hells are you asking me? I told you, I donโt own him, he can do whatever he wants. Mostly anyways. But he seems to be disinterested in whatever youโre offering so.โ You didnโt spare him a glance, instead keeping your eyes on the drow woman. You were cautious too.
โTsk, well if youโre unwilling to barter, I guess Iโll just have to go directly to the source.โ She looked annoyed for a second before putting a face of seduction, temptation. She sensually moved her hair away from her neck, draping it over her opposing shoulder and tilting it towards him. She began to walk closer. Astarion could feel panic rise in him, instinctually taking a step back, unsure of what to do. โCome on, spawn, isnโt this what you were born to do? Feed?โ
And when he was desperate, hungry and weak that night in the forest, his first instinct was to feed from you. Not because he hated you, far from it. But because he respected you and because he knew that if you found out; you might not judge. He hadnโt been careful enough when he hovered over you, accidentally waking you from your slumber. He had scrambled, fearing that this was it for him. He had slipped up and now any and all trust he had accumulated, though perhaps unfounded, would be wasted and heโd be banished if not worse. Yet you understood. He doesnโt know why, but it seemed like you did. And that night you let him feed from you, despite the pain it undoubtedly caused. And in the morning, you pretended like nothing had happened, like last night was as peaceful as all the others.
Maybe he did like you, just a little bit. Youโd at least earned that much. But he had done nothing to earn that same sentiment.ย
Yetโฆ
โOne step closer to him and I will be the one to spill your blood instead. He said he didnโt want you or whatever it is youโre offering.โย
You had taken a single step to place yourself between the woman and Astarion, keeping her from getting any closer to him. It was doubtful that youโd actually do anything against her in the very center of Absolutist territory. But he wasnโt certain, the way you firmly placed your feet on the ground and the way he could see your muscles tense beneath your armor from this far away told him that you just might. Thereโs the distinct tension of magic in the air, crackling just beneath the surface of the weave but enough to make the hairs on the back of his neck stand. It lasts only a brief moment before the drow relents.
โFine, do as you wish. What use do you have for a vampire that wonโt even do something as simple and natural as bite a willing victim? Even if he is a spawn.โ
โWhat reasons I have for keeping him around is none of your damn business. Now did you have anything more interesting to say or are we done here?โ
There was nothing else you needed from her and as quickly as things had escalated, it had passed. It was still a couple hours before you decided to call it a day and lead them back to the camp to plan your next move and eat dinner. Astarion hadnโt brought up what had happened with Araj the whole time, yet it kept replaying in his head. If he could dream, he wouldโve assumed this was the pleasant relief of sleep. But it wasnโt, you had stood up for him. Not only that, you had kept him from doing something he would regret, because he knows that if you hadnโt stepped in or even asked him to do itโฆ He wouldโve. Weak willed as he was after all the times he had broken his own boundaries for others.ย
Night in the Shadowlands was somehow darker than the days, despite the lack of sun no matter the time. And as if the darkness could swallow any sound, silence lingered in the camp. Everyone either occupied with their own issues or idly putting their hands to work managing their gear. Astarion had wandered away from his tent and from the campfire, safe thanks to the pixieโs blessing and comforted in the shadows. It was a sense of familiarity that was bittersweet after todays events.ย
The air was cold, the breeze rustling the blood red leaves of the few trees that could survive this darkness. The temperature didnโt bother him, he had long ago forgotten how cool the nights got. He could smell the dampness of the earth and of the rotting trees, the smoke of the campfire a vague note beneath it all. He surely smelled of smoke as well, it stuck to his clothes and hair despite how much he tried to cover it. โRuggedโ had never been a good look on him, he much preferred the sweet notes of incense and wine. But the worries of everyday issues were forgotten as he let himself fill his lungs with the fresh air.
Crack
The sounds of footsteps brought him back to the moment and he quickly turned around, the thought of a shadow cursed boar or harper still a relevant danger. Instead he was met with a friendly face. A friendly frowning face.
โWhat are you doing out here? You didnโt even bring a torch or anything, no one knew where you had gone.โ You stopped a few meters away from him, half expecting to be able to return to the warmth and glow of the campsite since you had found the lost vampire. A light cantrip had been cast on the crossbow you kept strapped to your back, you always kept it within reach.
โOh itโs just you, hah I thought I was about to be ambushed for a second. Were you looking for me? Awh you even asked the others where I was, how cute.โ He teased, giving you a playful smile before turning his back to you once again. He heard you sigh before your footsteps grew closer.
โYou shouldnโt wander off while weโre here.โ Your words held no weight, you knew you couldnโt stop him if he was to actually wander away from camp. They were more like an attempt to keep any guilty conscious from getting to you if he did get hurt. But he still liked the thought that you might actually have been worried. โ...Are you looking for something to feed on?โ
โAround these parts? Gods no, I wouldnโt even touch a dead squirrel with a ten foot pole around here, not after that damned raven. Iโve accepted that Iโll just have to make do until weโre in sunnier parts.โ He could feel his stomach writhe at the thought of something to dig his fangs into. He knew you had let him feed from you before but he had never been the one to ask, itโd feel like breaking an unspoken rule.
โMakes sense, those things came out of nowhere. Even the corpses have been cursedโฆโ There's a pause and hesitation to you, an abnormality in your conversations. โWhy didnโt you drink from the drow?โ
He knew youโd ask, yet his face grimaced at the mere thought of her and her blood.
โBah, sheโs a blood alchemist, who knows what kind of stuff is running through her blood? Iโm sure I wouldnโt be allowed to keep anything down if I drank from her.โ He quickly recovered from the unintentional show of genuine disgust. โBesides, whatโs the fun in a willing victim?โ He turned his head to look at your face finally, putting on another playful smile and hoping youโll take his joke as a response.
You donโt. Instead you cross your arms and raise your eyebrows ever so slightly at him, waiting for the real response. Heโs unwilling to give it and instead looks away, gazing down into the valley beneath the cliff you both stood on.ย
โCโmon, give me a real answer Astarion.โ You lightly bounced your shoulder against his, the casual touch a surprise but not an unwelcomed one.
โAh, you always have to dig your nose into things, donโt youโฆ Fine, I simply didnโt want to. But thatโs no reason to turn down whatever aid she mightโve hadโฆโ
โItโs as good a reason as any.โ
Silence.
You hadnโt judged him. You justโฆ took his choice at face value. Did you really nearly spill blood on the floor of Moonrise towers simply because he didnโt want to bite her?
โThatโs it?โ
โ...What? Is there another reason you didnโt want to? You shouldโve just told me from the beginning then, but go on.โ
Itโs almost funny how seemingly clueless you are. A dry laugh escapes him.
โNo, itโs true. I simply didnโt want to. But youโre just so casual about it! Who knows what kind of powers she couldโve given us? But you decided to threaten her instead, itโs highly unlikely sheโll sell us as much as a health potion or even an antidote from now on.โ He waves his hands around, frustrated by your seeming lack of care.
โYou said no.โ You shrugged.
โI-โ He pauses, dumbfounded. โI said noโฆ I didnโt want to bite her and you respected thatโฆ You even stood up to her for me, even though you donโt like me. I just canโt seem to understand you.โ
You suddenly look just as confused as he did a moment ago, turning to fully face him for the first time since you joined him in the dark.
โ...Who in the hells said I didnโt like you?โ
โWellโฆ Well no one said it, but I mean itโs not like you enjoy my company. Itโs obvious everytime we talk. You donโt even give me as much as a smile when I tell you youโre beautiful, and when I try to playfully ask you to bed you just mock me. Yet you always come wandering over to me and so I try again, I mean why else would you want to talk to me? I may not be a mindreader, darling, but youโre sort of sending mixed signals here. I thought we just acted on the basis of respect here.โ
Did you want him to try harder? Or stop fully with his advances? He really didnโt know what you wanted.
โIโฆ Wellโฆโ In the darkness, with you backlit by your crossbow, he might be mistaken but there seems to be a blush creeping onto your features. โDidnโt you ever think that maybe I just donโt know how to respond?โ
Oh.
Oh.
Arenโt you just adorable? Smugness builds in his chest and he opens his mouth, about to speak but youโre quicker.
โBesides, itโs obvious youโre just a flirt and Iโฆ I didnโt like being so affected by someone who isnโt serious. Itโs embarrassing falling for something that's so fake, so practiced. So I ignored the flirting, I knew it was just lighthearted fun after all.ย And I still like you outside of the compliments and teasing.โ You hold your crossed arms even tighter together, unable to look at him. Instead you watch the slow fog rolling across the barren land. Your face lit by the soft glow of the moon just above Last Light Inn.
Astarion hadnโt even had the thought that you simply hovered around him because youโฆ liked him. It was such a simple answer and yet it wouldโve been the last thing he couldโve guessed.ย
He liked you too.
A lot.
A lot more than he had previously allowed himself to feel. Could he even allow it now? What if he had ruined his chances of something more thanโฆ than what already was. The status quo had grown comfortable, predictable.
โI seeโฆโ
Itโs all he can say. He can see that it wasnโt what you had hoped heโd say even if you werenโt looking at him.
A moment passes in silence.
Thereโs a look on your face suddenly, it looks almost pained or embarrassed, maybe it was both but just as quickly as it had flashed over your features it was gone. You let out a sigh and let your arms fall to the side, turning away from the outlook, clearly about to leave.
โWell that wasโฆ the worst. Anyways, Iโm heading back to camp. Take your time, Iโll make sure there's supper left for you when you come back.โ
Astarion realizes in a heartbeat that he was allowed to want something more.
You donโt even get one step away from where you stood before a hand grabs your arm with unnatural speed, holding you back from moving any further away. You nearly jump out of your skin by the motion, staring at the rogue. His face and eyes now lit by your crossbow, his eyes are wide as he watches you like prey. A shiver runs up your spine, heโd never looked at you like this before.
โEarlier today, when Araj asked you to let me bite her, you said I could do whatever I wanted.โ His eyes donโt leave yours and there's something about their intensity that makes your cheeks heat up.
โMostly, anywaysโฆโ You repeat what you had told Araj.
That seems to have been all the confirmation Astarion needed, suddenly closing the gap between you as he takes a step closer and pulls you into him. You catch yourself on him, the sudden movement taking you by pure surprise. Before you can register what has happened properly, his other hand has grabbed your chin in between his thumb and forefinger with a firm grip and tilted your head up to face his. His unnaturally cool breath hits your lips as heโs leaned in, inches from yours but he stopped there. Youโre trapped in his presence, itโs overwhelming in a way you always tried to avoid. But you wouldnโt dare move now, afraid to ruin whatever was happening.
โThen I want to kiss youโฆโ His words are low, soft even.
โ...Iโd like thatโฆโ
In an instant his lips hit yours, soft and velvety. They feel just like you had thought so many times when youโd watched him talk. Theyโre cool compared to yours, something you hadnโt thought about but it somehow made everything feel so much more alive. Every soft stroke of his lips against yours was vivid as they parted and pushed up against each other, over and over again. The hand that had grabbed your face had smoothly slid to the back of your head, making sure he had you where he wanted you. The other hand had left your arm and was pulling your body against his, keeping you as close as he could physically keep you.
Astarion pushed into your body with a want, a need and a hunger you hadnโt ever seen him exhibit before.
He pulled away from your lips too soon. You didnโt realize how much you needed air before it filled your lungs abruptly in a labored breath.
In the glow of the moon and your makeshift light you could see his face. He was smiling at you, his fangs just barely peeking out from behind his lips. His eyes werenโt as wide anymore, instead crinkled at the edges from his smile but the look of predator remained in them still. He needed you.
โYou taste divine, my dear.โ You try to scoff, the comment was stupid in relation to simple kisses after all. But you donโt get much of a chance to react to his flirtatious attitude before heโs leaned back in, this time hovering over your neck with his mouth. His nose nudges the underside of your ear as he keeps your head still with the hand still firmly holding the back of your neck.
โBut I want to taste your blood, if youโll let me.โ
Goosebumps spread down your arms and your breath catches in your throat. The hidden meaning of what heโs asking of you isnโt lost, not after todayโs events. He wants your vulnerability, your submission, your blood. You had always been the one to tell him when he could feed from you, now heโs asking directly to do so. He wants to see your trust in him. That even when heโs a starving animal, he wonโt hurt you, wonโt take more than he needs.ย
And he wants to show you how much he wants you.
His teeth graze over the soft skin of your neck, waiting for you to give him the sign. You nod.
His teeth pierce your skin, familiar pain shoots from the bite. You clench your teeth for a second before you relax, letting out a shaky breath. The pain dulls with his hands slowly starting to roam your body, one carefully tangling in your hair as he brings it up. He takes a soft grasp on it, using it to meaningfully guide your head to the side and giving him more space to drink from you. You donโt provide any resistance, all hesitations towards his advances were being washed away with each wave of pleasure and pain.
Thereโs no rush to him, no tension as he takes his time to enjoy you. Instead of the usual controlled and precise way he usually fed from you, when you both believed it to simply be an act of survival. Now he lets his tongue lap over the wound, the odd feeling of your hot blood and his cool tongue intermingling against your skin. He momentarily leaves the spot to kiss up your neck, intentionally letting your blood drip down and leave a trail as you shudder from the pleasure. His body is still firmly pushed against yours, his free hand carefully sneaking under your shirt to push against your bare skin. Heโs pulling you against him and you've realized there's a rhythm to it, a slow and teasing tact to his grinding. It feels good, being so enveloped in him. When he feels ready again, he dips down to lick up the strip of scarlet that had formed, finishing with an open mouth kiss back where he started. The sharp inhale you make is punctuated by a soft moan, giving away your feelings and you realize youโve been caught enjoying this maybe a little too much.
Embarrassment burns through you as Astarion pulls back to watch your face, a chuckle rumbling in his chest and spilling out between his lips, putting fuel to your fire.
โNow wasnโt that just adorable, I never expected you to make such cute sounds. Why havenโt you let me hear those when Iโve fed from you before?โ Heโs messing with you, a playfully mean glint to his eyes.
โYou know why.โ You say defiantly.
โMaybeโฆโ He pretends to think about it, leaning back into you to place soft kisses along your jawline. The hand in your hair keeps you in place as he does. โBut I want to hear you say it.โ
โIt feels goodโฆ this timeโฆโ You whisper but you know heโs heard you by the way you feel him smile against your skin.
โIs that so? I didnโt know you were such a masochist but I guess I shouldnโt be surprised, who else would be so turned on by being bitten by a vampire.โ He mocks you, the way he laughs leading to even more embarrassment and frustration coursing through your body. Partially by the way his laugh makes desire shoot right to your core.
Heโs mean but it somehow turns you on even more, though youโd never tell him that. This is what you were trying to avoid after all, being so easily wrapped around his finger and put under his control. A part of you is still fighting his control and you try to step on his foot as payback.
Your foot only hits soft dirt as he quickly moves his own. Suddenly the grip in your hair is tightened and he pulls your head back further, forcing you to stare into his eyes directly. Youโre scared that you were going to be met with anger or even hurt over your sudden and involuntary rejection. Yet all youโre met with is delight when you look into his eyes, his heavy breathing filling the night air with the smell of blood.ย
โThere it is, I always did enjoy the way you pushed back. I was worried youโd have gone soft on me.โ He seemed ecstatic by your actions and you flushed again, he really did like it. โBut just to make sure, darlingโฆ What do you want?โ
For a moment youโre frozen, your head spinning from everything happening and partially from the blood loss. Not to mention the blood that had pooled somewhere further below. Yet worry brewed in the back of your mind and without thinking you blurted something out.
โWhat do you want, Astarion?โ
You needed to know that this was what he wanted, despite him having taken the main lead, you wanted to make sure he had an out and that your own desires wouldnโt shackle him too.
โOh sweetheart, youโre too considerate. But I strongly believe we want the same thing right now.โ
โI want you.โ The words spilled out of your mouth before you could think again and Astarion drank them up like wine spilled from the bottle.
โThatโs what I thought,โ he kisses you again, the taste of iron still fresh on his lips. โI want you too, afterall.โ
His kisses distract you as his skillful fingers leave your hair and skin, instead grabbing the buckle of the crossbow holster that was strapped across your chest. He can't seem to keep his mouth quiet while he does it though, not that you should expect Astarion to be able to keep his mouth from running.
โI want you below me, I want to hear you gasp and cry out in pleasureโฆโ Heโs breathless, wrangling the strap of leather over your head, mindlessly chucking the crossbow somewhere nearby. The light still reaches you two, if just barely. Darkness claws itโs way closer, you pray itโs enough to keep you hidden away from wandering companions who wonder where youโve gone. โI want you exposed and naked, darling, I want to dig my teeth into places only you and I will see.โ
His fingers dig the rest of your tucked shirt out of your pants, his nails pleasantly scratching against your skin as he grabs bunches of the fabric and pull it up over your head as well. The cold air is suddenly intruding on your warm skin and you gasp. Astarion is quick to place his lips onto the newly exposed skin, placing kisses across your collarbone and to your shoulder.
โI want to feel your warmth against me, I want you to take me as you dig your nails into my back. I want to push you down just to feel you push back.โ Your hands find purchase on his shoulders as his own hands grab your behind, using the leverage to once again pull you in close. You can feel the hardness that had grown between his legs. He keeps going, talking in a daze in between the kisses. You donโt know if heโs drunk on your blood or just aroused, maybe itโs a combination of the two. Heโs grown warmer to the touch thanks as your blood reinvigorates him. โI want you to feel me, feel every thrust as I ruin you. I want to tease you until you cry, I want to punish you for holding back on me this whole time. I want you to feel what youโve done to me.โ
You donโt get a moment to respond to him, you donโt even know what you could say. He takes your hand in his as he helps you both lower yourselves to the ground, the grass tickling the palm of your hand as you find purchase. He pushes himself over you, his knees firmly placed between your thighs, still holding your hand to push you down until you're laying below him.
โI want you to want me, just as I am.โ
Thereโs a vulnerability to his voice and his eyebrows knit together ever so slightly as he takes a moment to take you in. You look up at him, his white curls a little more messy than when you arrived and his lips a little more flushed. The moon is still high in the sky and though not as bright as usual, itโs enough to shine down on him and he looksโฆ Ethereal.ย
You take the pause in the flow to heave yourself forwards, pushing back and he lets himself fall back to sit on his knees as you kiss him again, slightly surprised.ย
โI do, Astarion, gods be damned I do.โ
You canโt take it anymore, heโs still fully dressed and you're desperate to see more of him and tired of being the only one exposed. Your hands grab at his shirt, messily working it out of his pants with a furrowed brow. A smile grows on his face and he laughs at your clumsiness before deciding to help you out. It only takes a moment for his own shirt to be discarded in the grass somewhere nearby.ย
โYouโre so forwards, did I really rile you up so much? I thought you didnโt like it when I ran my mou-โ You interrupt him with a forceful kiss and he doesnโt hesitate to lean into it. Your hands finally touch his bare chest, letting your nails lightly scratch his skin as you run them further down. You feel him shudder.
โI like hearing you talk and you can run your mouth for hours butโฆโ Your breaths are heavy as your hands reach his thighs, softly grabbing his legs. โI need you to touch me while you do itโฆโ Youโre trying to be bold but the desperation seeps through your voice and you look up at him through your eyelashes, unable to fully face him.
โShitโฆ Arenโt you just perfect? Who am I to deny you what you needโฆโ He gives in to you, pushing you back enough to let him untie the lacing on your pants. It only takes a moment of shuffling until heโs rather expertly slid your pants off of you, leaving you in your undergarments. His hands grab your knees and part them enough for him to settle back inbtween them before they slide up your thighs. You're already working on the lacing at the front of your bra, pulling and tugging on the ribbons hurriedly. It gets even harder when Astarion decides he wants to taste you again, his lips finding your neck and hungrily licking for the taste your blood as left. Heโs sucking hard enough that youโre rather certain there will be a bruise in the morning but you donโt care enough to reprimand him now.ย
โHaving some issues there, darling?โ He teases as he feels you continue to loosen your bra, his thumb brushing against the sensitive skin on the inside of your thigh.
โNo, itโs fine, ah! There, I got it!โ You finally get it loose enough to pull over your head but Astarion doesnโt waste any time. As soon as youโve managed to get it above your chest, his mouth has found your breast and taken a nipple inbetween his lips. Your reaction is instantaneous as you arch your back into him with a loud gasp, your arms freezing above your head with the bra still tangled between them.ย
His cold tongue swirls around the bud skillfully and you're sure you can almost feel his fangs grazing against the sensitive skin. You're unable to keep quiet and even when you purse your lips together, the sounds betray you. But Astarion prides himself on his multitasking, one hand finally reaching below the edge of your panties. Youโre already drenched thanks to his previous actions.
โMy-my, youโre soaked. How often have you imagined this? Everytime youโve let me feed from you? Everytime weโve been alone together? Or just when Iโve put the thought in your head, hm?โ His fingers slide between your wet lips, slowly spreading them as a finger found and began to circle your clit, not quite touching it.
โItโs not like tha- ah!โ He doesnโt let you finish, instead taking the moment you opened your mouth to slide two fingers into you, curling them ever so slightly.
โWhat did you say?โ He mocked confusion, continuing to slowly thrust his fingers into you.
โIโฆ I havenโtโฆโ You manage to get out between moans and heavy breaths, your brain going into overdrive trying to focus on what youโre saying. Astarion clicks his tongue and suddenly his free hand has pinched your nipple inbetween two fingers and his thrusting has gotten quicker.
โLying is a sin, didnโt you know that my dear? Are you afraid of hurting me? Here I was, hoping youโd think of me daily. The thought of you touching yourself just because of my bite would simply delight me.โ He rolls your nipple inbetween his fingers and you canโt think anymore, all you can do is roll your hips against his hand and writhe underneath him. โCome on, confess to me, beautiful.โ
โIโฆโ You struggle to formulate any sentence but his attention doesnโt falter, instead he looks like a cat whose playing with a mouse. He shifts his body so your leg hooks over his thigh, pushing further up as he keeps pumping his finger into you. The new angle lets him hit that spot you can never quite reach yourself. The closer you get to formulating words, the quicker he goes until the lewd sound of his hand hitting your soaked pussy is all that can be heard. Youโre getting so close. โFuck- I have, I-Iโm sorry-โ
Suddenly he laughs, loudly and with a sharp edge of ridicule. His hand slows to a near stop, simply pushing and curling his finger as he grinds the palm of his hand into your clit, keeping you close to that edge of cumming. Youโre dazed and confused when you look at him, why is he laughing?
โOh you are simply a riot, you sweet thing.โ He smiles too kindly as he pulls his fingers from you, leaving you clenching around nothing. He leans back as he sucks your juices from his fingers and push yourself up on your hands.
โDid I say something wrong?โ Youโre nearly panicked, worried you messed up and told him too much.
โNo, no, not at all. The opposite actually.โ He gives you a grin that clearly shows off his fangs.
โT-then why..?โ
โYou were close to cumming on my fingers, right?โ
You nod, dumbfounded.
โI donโt want you to.โ
โHuh? W-what, why?โ Your brain is still hazy and you canโt think straight, his confusing answer didnโt make it easier for you either.
โSimply didnโt want you to.โ You consider that maybe you did this to yourself, teaching him the power of simply refusing. You wanted him to have agency, but in this very moment you also wanted to cum. You wanted him to want you to cum. You can only guess that you looked especially conflicted because you were pulled from your thoughts by Astarions laugh again. When you look over to him, heโs untying the lace of his own pants. โOkay, no, I didnโt want you to cum on my hand because I want you to cum on my dick, simple as that actually.โ
โOh youโre such an assholeโฆโ You mutter under your breath but his grin tells you he heard you as he pushes his pants and underwear down his legs. You take the moment to pull your own panties off.
โAh, did you want to cum at all tonight, pet?โ He threatens playfully as he finds his place between your legs but whatever reply you had died in your throat as your eyes land on his cock. You had imagined it before yet embarrassment had kept you from thinking of any details, yet there it was. Hovering over you, Astarion used one hand to hold himself up, the other softly tracing up your thigh as he took in your reaction and in turn observed your beauty. You laid beneath him, bare and vulnerable. Trusting and turned on. Just like he had wanted you. โHm? Catโs got your tongue? Come on nowโฆโ
He leaned in, kissing your lips once before once again lavishing the skin of your neck in open mouth kisses and playful nips that had you jolting under him. His cock just barely rested on your pussy lips as he slowly and softly moved back and forth.
โFuckโฆ Ahโฆโ You sigh in pleasure but itโs not enough to satisfy Astarions ever growing need to embarrass you.
โWords, darling, use them. What do you want?โ he whispered against your skin, pressing his cock further into the softness of your cunt with the base of his thumb, slowly fucking the space between you and his hand. Your slick coats him and he canโt help but sigh in relief. โTell me, or Iโll just use you like this until I cum and leave you as you are.โ Itโs a threat without any truth, but itโs enough to push you to speak up.
โMaybe you should justโฆ Shut up and fuck me, Astarion.โ Your hand grips his hair, pulling it enough to guide his head back up to meet your eyes. The spark of your rebellion to his teasing thrills him to no end. โI want you to fuck me, is what Iโm saying.โ
Lips and teeth and tongue suddenly clash as he presses his mouth to yours. Itโs messy and rough, you bite his lip and he moans. Your arms wrap around his neck. He finally guides himself to your opening and pushes the tip in. You both shiver, momentarily pulling away to whimper. And then all at once, Astarion pushes the rest of himself into your heat and you feel divine. You're forced to pull away and the feeling makes you drop your head back as you take a sudden, sharp inhale. Pleasure crashes over you and just as you feel like you can recover, Astarion is already ahead of you and starts to thrust. Whatever recovery you thought you could get is quickly washed away as moans and whimpers are all the things you can utter in that moment. His desire and desperation can be felt in the pace he quickly falls into, his mouth finding your breast once again but this time his earlier control seems to be gone. He bites into the soft flesh, his fangs sinking into your skin and you gasp. The pain and pleasure is overwhelming, the signals getting mixed up and all you know is that he feels good.
You lost count after the first three bite marks Astarion leaves on your body, you werenโt even sure if all of them broke skin or would leave any marks but surely some were. The thought crossed you, of meeting your companions when morning light comes and the view of the marks up and down your neck. And you, who had worked so hard to keep your attraction to Astarion pushed so far down, suddenly itโd be obvious youโd become his plaything. And yet the thought made you clench around Astarions cock, ecstasy taking over whatever shame you had just felt.ย
Your peak was quickly building back up, and you repositioned your arms to grab around his shoulders and up his back. Letting your nails dig into his marble skin just like he had wanted.
โHah, to believe youโd take me so wellโฆ Especially after all that grandstanding about- hah, fuckโฆ not falling for the sweet things I say.โ The smugness in his voice was annoying yet you felt your core tighten even harder at them. You dug your nails even harder into his back in response and you felt him stutter in his pace, a pleasured whimper slipping out from under his breath. โShit,ย yeah just like that, sweet girl.โ
Of course heโd like it. You hide your face in his neck, unable to do anything else. Youโre getting so close again.
A hand pushes inbetween you two as Astarion slips his thumb where you two are connected. He quickly finds your clit and presses down.
โCome on, I want you to cum on my cockโฆ I want to push you over the edge, watch you cry out in pleasureโฆโ Youโre both dazed as he starts to rub your clit. Your back curves and you gasp, letting go of Astarion as you push your hands into the grass over your head, gripping it. โThatโs it, cum for me, beautiful.โย
The last thing you register is his smile and his fangs glinting in the moonlight as you finally tip over the edge. You're flooded with white, hot pleasure as you screw your eyes close and arch your back off of the ground. Astarion doesnโt stop, his thumb relentless as he rubs you through your orgasm. Heโs pounding into you, fast and rough but as you keep clenching around him he can feel how heโs losing himself. Youโre still riding your high when his hands hit the ground on either side of your head and you can barely register his face as it hovers above you. Heโs breathtaking, mouth slightly agape and eyebrows scrunched together. You see his white eyelashes as he closes his eyes, fully focusing on how good you feel around him. His pace becomes an uneven mess fueled by a frenzy and his feral need for you. Each hit of his cock against your inside sends another intense wave of pleasure bordering on pain and you take it, whimpering.
And as he pushes into you as far as he can the scales finally tip and he cums, flooding your insides with his cum. You can feel the pulsing inside you as he collapses over you, you both breathing heavy and slowly coming back down from your highs.ย
It takes a minute before you're both in any condition to move, using the little energy you had gathered to roll over to your sides, facing one another. There's a comfortable silence as you let whatever happened to tonight soak in. Astarion is carefully watching your face, looking at the myriad of marks heโd left on your neck without even thinking. He never left marks usually, the proof of the nights spent with others made him nauseous. But his brain had been telling him that he shouldโฆ that he needed to. He wanted you, after all. Reaching out with his hand, he carefully traced one of the bite marks. Your eyes suddenly widened.
โBy the gods- What in the hells am I going to tell Shadowheartโฆโ You groaned and hid your face in your hands. Astarion raised an eyebrow.
โ...Was there something between you two I had just missed? Cus in that case I might not be able to come back to camp for a while.โ He joked.
โNo, no not that. I had justโฆ mentioned to her that I wasnโt falling for your stupid flirting and how it was obvious you liked to fuck around and I justโฆ Didnโt want that to be me. Iโm pretty sure I called you annoying as well.โ
Astarion once again laughed at you, the fact that you would both be facing a very judgemental Shadowheart was very amusing to him. Heโd rub it in her face if he could, but the hickeys and bitemarks on your neck was probably enough.
โBut now that is meโฆ Ugh.โ
โ... You know I didnโt bed you just because I could, right?โ Astarion spoke up, awkward in his approach.
โWell yeah the whole โI want youโ thing was pretty consistent. But what do you want with me?โ And there was that straightforwardness he always found a little intimidating.
โIโฆ I donโt know, but I want you. Thatโs all I know.โ He studied your face before turning to lay on his back and look into the starless night. โDo I have to choose what that means now?โ
โ...No. Justโฆ Tell me when you know I guess.โ You shrug and turn to look at the sky as well.ย
โCan I want you to come closer?โ Astarion spoke into the night, his voice barely heard over the breeze in the trees.
You donโt answer, just shuffle closer to him, putting your head on his shoulder. He smiles, it felt nice having someone close even after you wereโฆ done.
โThough we shouldnโt stay here too long, Iโm pretty sure I have grass up my ass crack and itโs colder than the hells out here. Sorry but you donโt exactly help either.โ
โOh arenโt you just charming, didnโt you ever learn some manners?โ You both laugh and the shadowlands feel a little lessโฆ bleak, at least for tonight.
#astarion x y/n#astarion x you#astarion x reader#astarion#baldurs gate astarion#astarion acunin#smut#bg3 smut#bg3 fanfiction#astarion smut#astarion x female tav#astarion x tav#astarion x female reader#bg3#baldurs gate 3
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saw that your requests are open! currently moving flats and cities and wow this is utterly exhausting and scary to do alone - would love to read a lil something with Lando where reader is moving and maybe it's pre relationship but they've known each other a long time and he somehow shows up to help reader out, in between races / on break whatever. Tysm!
omg good luck! genuinely moving is the worst and good on you for doing it all on your own that must be so difficult. i hope you enjoy this๐ i did it with best friend!reader, felt very perfect. and apparently i had some personal insecurities to address?
Youโre starting to regret listening to Lando.
This isnโt a new feelingโ you often regret listening to Lando. When he begs you to come out only to inevitably disappear with a girl. When he says that you look fine, only for you to look in a mirror and find your hair at weird angles or your makeup smudged. When he invites you to a race just for you to have to spend an awkward three hours around one of his flings; inevitably ending in disaster when he hops out of the car and hugs you first.
Landoโs not an idiot. Lando just doesnโt always know how to plan ahead.
Move to Monaco, heโd said. And you had. At the very least youโd had professional movers and your family then. It was hard work but youโd had help. Still, it had been such a nightmare that youโd sworn off moving again, deciding that the next time you did itโd be somewhere more permanent. That had been a nice dreamโ perhaps unattainable with Lando around.
It had been great, perfect even, or at least until Lando had found out about the vacant flat in his building. Then youโd been subject to a month of pointed sighs and wouldnโt it be awesome if we lived in the same building and we could work out at the same gym and weโd see each other all the time! Wouldnโt that be great?
Youโd tried to tell him that you already see each other all the time, and if it really mattered to him youโd come all the way to his gym to work out. But Landoโs Lando and doesnโt know how to let a thing that he wants go. It quickly becomes a point of contention, a reason for him to whinge at dinner and direct his green puppy dog eyes at you. So, yโknow, of course you fold.
Of course you do.
You donโt want him to feel unwanted. And you really do like the idea of living in the same building as him, even if moving is the last fucking thing you want to do.
You hire people to move the big things. The couch, the fridge, the bed. But youโre left with everything else and only your hatchback to move it with. Youโve collected truly an insurmountable amount of thingsโ dishware, linens, random trinkets, clothes and books and decorative stuffed animals. You donโt realise how much it is until youโre packing it into cardboard boxes all on your own and nearly crying at how long itโs taking you.
By some cruel twist of fate thereโs no one available to help you. All your friends in Monaco are Lando-adjacent, either his friends or people youโve met through F1. Youโve got a few work buddies, but no one you feel like you can ask to give you a hand. Besides, Landoโs racing at Spa over the same weekend youโve got to be out of your old flatโ so you canโt rope him and his friends into your mess. Even Fewtrell, who would help, is on holiday.
By Monday morning youโre at your wits end. Youโd slept on a thin little futon for three hours last night, and are up bubble wrapping dishes before the sun rises. Youโve got noise cancelling headphones on, blasting some house music playlist that Oscar had recommended you and youโre trying to be okayโ trying to let the jumpy beat lift the panic in your heart. But you can feel yourself hiccuping, crying rather. You wipe salty tears off the bubble wrap to make sure the sticky tape stays.
Itโs fine. Youโre fine.
Itโs just overwhelming. Doing this all alone, in Monaco, without your Mum, your Dad, without your best friend. Itโs not anyoneโs fault, not even Landoโs. Just you and this feeling of inadequacy that you harbour. This sense that youโre not grown up enough, that youโre not accomplished enough. Landoโs out there driving a Formula One car, flying in a private jet and partially running a business and youโre here crying over the amount of shit that youโve accumulated.
Itโs justโ
You hear a faint thud, muffled by your headphones. Heart racing, thinking something might have fallen or broken, you rip them off and clamber up off the carpeted floor. Youโre ready to run into the hallway, your bedroom, every room thatโs still got things in it to find the inevitable wreckage.
But itโs just Landoโ
Standing at your front door in an old t-shirt and shorts, with cardboard boxes tucked under his arm. Heโs frowning at you. Youโre not sure why until you remember that youโre still in yesterdayโs clothes and there are dark circles carved out under your eyes. Tear tracks down your face as well, probably.
โWhatโs wrong?โ
He drops the cardboard, it goes sliding onto the floor and he has to dodge out of its way as he steps towards you.
You shake your head, sniffing, โIโm fine, Lan.โ
You donโt quite reject his attempt at a hug, just dodge it slightly. Force him to give you a one-armed, half-hearted thing, instead of the squeezing, reassuring hug youโre sure he meant to give you. He grumbles something into your hair that you canโt hear then says,
โWell, clearly youโre not fine.โ
You sigh, push him away in your anger at yourself, โIโm fine, Lando. I justโ I just canโt do anything on my own as per usual.โ
You watch his shoulders drop, his eyebrows press into the bridge of his scarred nose, concern flooding his face. He shakes his head minutely, pink lips parting slightly.
โWhat are you saying?โ
You shrug, looking away and feeling shame fill the cavity in your chest at your admittance of weakness, โYou know what Iโm saying.โ
โThatโs absolute shit and you know it,โ he cuts back, โYouโve done all this by yourself havenโt you?โ
He gestures around you and admittedly the room is rather empty of things. The whole flat in fact. Youโve got just the little things left pretty much, and a bunch of cardboard boxes that are ready to be ferried over to your new building. Itโs not nothing that youโve managed to do over the weekend. You sniff again.
โDonโt say that crap,โ he manhandles you into a hug, winding an arm around the back of your shoulders, pulling you to him, โIโd have to pay movers a couple grand to move all my shit, you know that. I wouldnโt be able to get any of this done.โ
โYes you would,โ you mutter into his chest, โYouโre capable of things.โ
He shakes you, just a little, like trying to knock some sense into you, like trying to make you hear your own words, โOkay. Then so are you.โ
โYeah,โ you sigh, โI guess.โ
After a moment, he brings a hand up to your face, uses his thumb to tenderly wipe the tears that pool in your tear duct. You donโt think anything of it thenโ but you do laterโ
When the sun is setting over the water and you and Lando are watching it and eating takeaway burgers on your new balcony, in your new flat, that has every single bit of your stuff in it. And youโre thinking about the feeling of pad of his finger on your cheek and how heโs just spent his first day of a very well-deserved summer break helping his friend moveโ
โArenโt you supposed to be getting ready for Ibiza?โ, you cut him a bit of an admonishing look, and scold yourself for not remembering sooner, not urging him to go pack.
He shrugs, turning his green gaze to you, the light of the sunset making him glow, โโS fine. I can join later.โ
You bite your lip, resisting the urge to tell him to go start packing straight away. You wonโt change his mind, once heโs got his heart set on something he doesnโt know how to let it go.
โWill you come with me?โ, he asks suddenly eager, as your heart skips several beats, โI know you said you had this to deal with. But.โ
โBut?โ
โBut. I want you to come. Itโll be no fun without you.โ
You raise an eyebrow, โIbiza will be no fun without me?โ
He nods, like itโs the most obvious thing in the world.
Youโre going to say no. Itโs on the tip of your tongue, on the verge of slipping out. Youโve got a million boxes to unpack, all your clothes are in suitcases, this is what your holiday leave is meant to be used for. Not the trip to Ibiza that youโd already said no toโ
But, itโs Lando.
Of course you fold.
#lando norris x reader#f1 x reader#formula one x reader#f1 fanfic#๐ซdrabbles#drabbles:ln4#best friend!reader
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Generic Headcanons for the Tulpar Crew!
โโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโ โโโโMasterlist _ Join the taglist _ Ask box
Curly can't bowl. Absolutely can not. As coordinated as he is, this sport is absolutely not under his forte. Somehow, he gets all strikes or only one pin down.
Used to have a bubble blowing pipe as a kid. Still collects bubble blowers but doesn't really use them.
Sentimental in that he doesn't throw gifts away, even if he knows he won't use them. Has them neatly packed away in boxes
His hair is usually slightly frizzy and brushed on trips but back at home, he does the full oil, scrunch, curl routine, resulting in amazing curls
Prefers vanilla ice cream
Diagnosed insomniac. Sleeps like the dead when he does actually sleep; his heart rate slows down a lot so he actually scared a few roommates in the past
Hairy chest
Usually wears two shirts. After the crash, he's far more sensitive to temperature changes and bundles up, even if it's sweltering outside
Has a nasty scar on his knee from when he tripped as a kid. Didn't get stitches but probably should've
Listens to a mix of rock and foreign music, even when he doesn't know what they're saying
Wanted to be an astronaut but settled for becoming a pilot
Curly was an only child to a single mother. She had a serious disease that had him taking care of them both at a young age. He used the insurance money to become a pilot. She really believed in his dream.
Slightly colorblind (mixes up yellow and green) but by the time he's an adult he's able to tell the shades apart, so it didn't affect his pilot's course
Really enjoys raisin toast and cheese whiz.
A little forgetful. Usually keeps a notepad in his pocket or his keys on a long string
Can imitate accents really well, especially Southern drawls
Has English ancestry
Secretly terrified of the concept of the immortal snail
Daisuke sings horribly, but in such a charismatic way that somehow gets everyone joining in.
Does very bad puppetry, usually with socks. However, he's surprisingly good at miming.
He likes to draw!
He alternates between being the absolute boss at video games vs scoring almost nothing.
However! He's the absolute king at dance dance revolution and guitar hero.
Can't sit still for puzzles but surprisingly has a lot of fun with games like candy crush (and is really good at it)
Likes lemon hard candies
Pours whipped cream on anything. Bread? Whipped cream. Coffee? Whipped cream. Swansea had to kick that habit out of him
On that note: sweet tooth
Drools in his sleep and has the worst bedhead known to man
Has three sisters, all older and with set careers. He loves them a lot, despite feeling inadequate sometimes. He also has two moms!
Can't hold his liquor BUT surprisingly can never get drunk off of cold medicine
Watches a lot of thrillers, action and romcoms. Is always captivated by them (and cries a little when the couple gets together)
Quotes Mean Girls a lot
Was definitely a Disney kid. Belts into Lion King songs all the time (Swansea wants to strangle him)
Listens to screamo when he's tinkering with machines (usually with cars or where he can't readily change the songs)
Otherwise has a playlist that has songs from every genre. Never skips any of them.
Believes in sasquatch. Vehemently.
Tends to have bad luck with electronics, usually sparking himself somehow. His electronics usually have a lot of scuff marks and dented corners but surprisingly no cracked screens
Fluent in Spanish and passing in at least three other languages
Knows beauty routines better than most people do (including social media infleuncers)
Either has flawless skin or has a strict routine to prevent breakouts.
Definitely had a crush on Marty McFly poster in his bedroom. Still does.
Jimmy is, surprisingly, a good writer. He usually drops them only a few chapters in, but they're captivating and really enriched
Taps his foot a lot
Scrunches up his face when he's concentrating, often comically so
Absolutely hates black coffee but refuses to drink any other.
Says he hates the song that's playing but 9/10 he'll be nodding along to it. Absolutely despises Swansea and Anya's playlists
If the person he hates likes a song/movie/snack, he'll absolutely hate it. Even if he loved it before.
Sleeps with his arms crossed and head tipped back
Knows a lot about a bit of everything but in a weird way. Such as how to replace a car radio but not how to hot wire a car
Acts like the "tsundere" trope where he's mean if he likes someone
Prefers uniform clothing and goes for simple button ups otherwise
Somehow always finds himself at the receiving end of gossip. He knows all the tea but doesn't care enough to share it
Crazy skilled at board games, especially strategy and Monopoly. May or may not cheat. The absolute biggest sore loser
Mint or rocky road is his go-to ice cream snack. eats ice cream cones from the bottom up
Really good at visual puzzle solving. ("How many cubes are there?", mazes, etc)
Plays guitar and does it well. Favourite song to play is probably Country Roads
Hates the song Pumped Up Kicks. The school he used to go to before meeting Curly had way too many incidents to be comfortable.
Somehow, he does really well at baking those fancy deserts. Souffles, creme brulees, macarons, caramel, you name it. Probably would have made it as a chef somewhere
Always packs light and never keeps anything. Doesn't even have cards to the stores he frequents a lot.
Usually has a lighter or one of those "7 tools in 1" tool in his pocket.
Gets super bored with horror and nature documentaries. A fan of thriller and action though.
Somehow winds up with 57 pens in his drawers. He's never sure where they come from.
Likes to keep his facial hair short or with a shadow. It makes him feel unkempt if he goes longer.
He's more of a hands-on kind of guy, preferring to be outside in the fresh air instead of reading a book or watching TV.
Salted pretzels are his go-to snack.
Anya wears contacts (based on the soundtrack cover art)
Licks her finger before turning a page of the book and dog-ears to bookmark it
Always has ink smudges on her fingers. She never knows how it gets there
Twirls pens when she's lost in thought
She has a neutral resting face, so when she smiles or frowns, it crinkles a bit but you can always tell it's genuine
Never keeps her hair short; it always leaves her itchy. Closest she'll get is chin length
She's definitely a homebody
She doesn't often like switching hobbies but when she does, she focuses all her attention on it. However, it takes her a really long time to master it, leaving her discouraged.
Had difficulties in school.
All her books are filled with highlighted passages and writings in the margin
Tummy sleeper with her face smooshed in a pillow
Sleepwalks in a horrifying way. She'll stand at the foot of the bed and say cryptic things like, "He knows you're here" before walking away. Doesn't remember it the next day.
Prefers tea over coffee and dark chocolate
Doesn't really care for ice cream but likes freezies and Gelato
Prefers dogs over cats and loves labradors, even though she doesn't have the energy for them
Never could stomach the smell of puke or fecal matter
Doesn't know how to swim
Absolutely burns in the sun, no matter how much sun screen she uses.
She drives with audio books on, or while she's studying. Constant interruptions stress her out
Knows how to play the flute!
Has a few Russian lullabies memorized and knows the translations for them, though she doesn't know much Russian otherwise.
Mother died young, so it was her and her dad for a long time. She never felt like she lived up to his expectations.
Really close to her cousin growing up, who acted like an older sister to her.
Somehow, knows all the obscure lore about haunted locations and folklore. While she believes in ghosts, she doesn't believe in other entities.
Never swears. It's just not who she is.
Anya listens to a lot of indie and instrumental music.
She once had a pet parakeet named Timothy but gave it to her cousin when she tried to study for med school.
She has a music box, gifted to her by her mother before her passing. It's one of her prized possessions. Anya plays it before sleeping.
She likes to watch silent movies, black and white, and those that relate to her experiences in life.
Audrey Hepbern is consequently her favourite actress.
While most of her books are educational or self-help, she owns a few classics like Moby Dick and Pride & Prejudice.
Swansea knows how to crochet
He's a GOD at gambling. Everyone is sure that he's cheating, but it's honestly a lot of skill
While he doesn't know any other languages, he knows enough basic phrases to navigate in most foreign countries.
Very old in his ways (men must be gentlemen type thing) but progressive in others
Doesn't vote
Annoyed when Daisuke arrived in his floral shirt. Not because Daisuke skirted past the full uniform but because Swansea owns a lot of them (and oddly enough, many that match with Daisuke). So he never gets out of uniform
Can fall asleep anywhere
He's the fastest typer out of the Tulpar crew, second only to Daisuke
Still uses a Nokia phone though
Listens to podcasts or radio stations, but if he ever sits down for TV, it's usually dramas (think, SVU or Young & The Restless). Gets super invested in the soap dramas, even if he swears he doesn't or otherwise. He knows everyone's names and backstories off hand.
Gets grumpy if you turn off the show he's watching.
Tried growing a beard once. Never again
Keeps photos of his entire family in his wallet. Mother? There. Wife? There. Kids? There. His dentist? Somehow, there.
Never went to AA. He doesn't exactly deter people from drinking, but he'll outright shove people in chairs and take their car keys if they're too drunk to drive
Owns a really beat-up sports car. The upkeep is horrible, but it's what he got in the divorce, and he won't trade it for anything. Let Daisuke drive it exactly once (1)
Took wrestling and boxing in his youth! He gives a mean right hook. He still has the arm muscles from it
Absolutely cannot stand sticky, tacky items. Hates the feel of gum on his hands. Okay with chewing it.
Very efficient at multitasking! Even if it looks like he's focused on something, he notices things from his peripheral vision asap. Also weirdly attuned to Daisuke and just knows when he's grabbing something that he shouldn't
Scary good intuition about people.
Absolute king at barbecuing. Steak is his favourite food, especially accompanied with beer (he misses those days), roasted mini potatoes and garlic vegetables.
Makes the meanest stew and soup you've ever known. Throws the absolute wildest ingredients into the pot, but it comes out miraculous every time.
Adds salt and pepper to his meal anytime anyone else is cooking. Even if it was adequately seasoned
Knows how to ride a horse!
His part of the city isn't the best (high crime rate), but all the kids know his name and go to him whenever they need to escape from home or a warm meal. He doesn't know why they're so drawn to him, but something about Swansea makes them feel secure. It's put him in the good graces of the not-so-good folk and he's left well enough alone by them.
Definitely owns a shotgun and probably had to fend thieves away from his home prior to that though.
Definitely has Irish and Scottish ancestry. Maybe a bit of German.
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing headcanon#curly#jimmy#swansea#anya#daisuke#mouthwashing curly#mouthwashing jimmy#mouthwashing anya#mouthwashing daisuke#mouthwashing swansea#mouthwashing headcanons#:// how did swansea end up with so many?
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Tori Spring and Michael Holden head canons:
Michael and Tori are both autistic, though they express it differently. Michael's traits appear more outwardly visible, while Toriโs are subtler, perhaps because Solitaire is narrated from her perspective. We see her tendencies through her internal thoughts, actions, and reflections, all filtered through her own lens. I also think Michael may have ADHD as well.
Michael and Tori are in a queerplatonic relationship. It is NOT a romantic or sexual relationship. Their kiss at the book's end feels out of place; their connection doesnโt need that romantic signal. Queerplatonic relationships like theirs are as valid and significant as romantic ones. Michael is Tori's person, and Tori is Michael's person. I think what they have is beautiful, and it shouldn't be meddled with.
Michael is one of the only people who is able to make Tori laugh - and I mean REALLY laugh. She doesn't hide her face so much when she laughs around him. Sometimes, she laughs in spite of him. She can't help but admit that he cracks her up. She secretly loves that. Michael also secretly loves that. Sometimes they'll spend hours laughing until their faces and tummies hurt, and one of them either decides to finally go home, or they both just fall asleep together.
Tori just borrows Michael's sweaters whenever. She gets looks from her mum, Charlie, and the others, and she knows what they think. She knows they think that her and Michael are together. She doesn't bother to correct them because it's too exhausting, and they'll never get it.
Tori is cold - always. No matter what time of year, or how many layers she's wearing, she is always cold and always complains about how cold it is. Michael is the opposite of this, and is always lovely and warm. He doesn't even have to wear loads of layers. He's always pretty warm. Michael teases Tori for the fact that she's always freezing cold.
Michael makes Tori watch films she's never watched, and once she does, she reluctantly admits that they're actually great films.
Once Tori watches a new film that Michael has recommended, she makes a playlist based on the film, or a favourite character of Michael's from that film.
Tori finds people who reject pop music as โtoo mainstreamโ insufferable. She can rant about it for so long that the room falls silent.
Michael is never surprised when he sees that Tori is online at like 2 am. He teases her about it, and begs her to try and go to sleep at a respectable hour, but she never gives in.
Tori refuses to speak with anyone at breakfast if she can avoid it. She makes a point of making sure she can eat breakfast alone in the kitchen or eat it in her room. Either way, her headphones are on as she listens to Coldplay or Radio Head. If someone interrupts her, she glares and reluctantly removes her headphones.
Sometimes, Tori dissociates while she's around her friends. She finds herself questioning whether everything going on around her is real. Whether it's actually happening. Her friends don't seem to notice.
Tori's closet is full of hoodies, while Michael has a growing collection of sweaters.
Tori drinks everything with a straw.
Michael likes to give Tori small doodles, drawings, and notes. Tori keeps all of them and looks at them every once in a while when she can't sleep.
Tori absolutely refuses to ever use the overhead light. She will avoid using it at ALL costs.
Tori gets very bad migraines a lot. They even make her lightheaded and on the brink of fainting. She shrugs it off or plays it off that she's fine around others, but Michael can usually tell. Michael brings paracetamol or ibuprofen always, just in case. He also reminds Tori to drink water.
Tori lives off buttered noodles/pasta, mac n' cheese, or nuggets and chips a lot of the time. She can't cook to save her life.
Sometimes Tori finds herself watching game shows like Tipping Point and The Chase. She genuinely enjoys watching them and tries to play along.
Tori refuses to buy a new phone until her current one is on it's last legs. She just can't comprehend why and how people will buy a new phone once a new model is out.
When she was younger, she would get in trouble for cutting her hair on her own with a scissors.
Tori almost always has a blanket with her in her house. She has plenty of blankets in her room. When she's in the living room, you can bet she has a blanket.
In school, Tori was either the one telling everyone to โshut upโ or sitting silently by herself. She was never part of the noise.
Michael would feel bad if any of his teddies were left out, so he would sleep with all of them, or have some sort of rota/routine and sleep with a different one each night.
#tori spring#michael holden#solitaire#solitaire alice oseman#sprolden#osemanverse#alice oseman#heartstopper#queerplatonic#autism#adhd#cutie patootie#platonic#headcanon
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To You (C.SC)
Summary: Silence has always been a long-term paying guest between you and your husband. It took a cohabitation and more, to turn things around for Seungcheol and you, to figure out your true feelings.
Themes: romance, fluff, smutty, old money Seungcheol cuz he's your rich, cold but tender husband and you're his smart wifey, scenes of a firebreakout(please skip if you're triggered), some nice scenes of Singapore, and the first smut happens already (virgin!couple, slight inexperiences, orals, vanilla!) Cheol's very warm please I love him so much we'll save the real Cheol monstercock for the future ;3
WC: 7.7K
Playlist: Seventeen's (To You, All My Love, Falling for You SDSMSN, Darling), By My Side by Junny, Better Siopaolo , Alina Baraz (Floating, Alone with you, if you let me) I.M Flower-ed, Bibi Step
feel free to arrange them sowwy they're a lil mis arranged
A/N: helloo carats!! Had to make my first post about my man Cheol(thank u to my man) with the good ol' husband!au. It's evident im in my "oh husband cheol feelings" where we loving him real good! I've been impatient so I posted it a bit earlier than expected :D my comfort loving carats, this is based off All My Love and To You lyrics <3 I hope you enjoy this piece of writing as much as I enjoyed writing this! Happy Cheol Day you living legend coupranghae btches :")
Updated: mini sequel here <3
Life was divided into four distinct categories, after one whole month of your brand new status as Mrs. Choi, or Mr. Choi Seungcheol's wife:
Breakfasts with and for Seungcheol because he confessed he anticipates what you offer in the am
Touring the exquisite royalty of the mansion built by his great grandparents(specially the crimson paints)
Spending time with Seungcheol's Mom since she adores you more than her son!
Dinner n Slumber, where you sleep with a wall that separates you from your husband.
You don't exactly think it'd change; however you do expect it to. Everyday, you wake up in your own room, without the warmth of your husband because neither of you are exactly ready to sleep on the same bed together, and neither of you can sacrifice your comfort on the couch. Therefore a shared decision convinces your elders to grant your marriage the gift of time, a chance to understand one another before embracing a shared room and shared life. All credit to Seungcheol's mom, who chose you to be her son's perfect match, a decade ago. She envisioned you as the one to be her son's beacon of illumination in his life, and the way your personality coincides with his. Who knew you'd be repaid for your kindness of tagging along with your grandfather to meet his ailing friend, (Seungcheol's grandfather) with a coerced, arranged marriage to their youngest grandson. It was on you to navigate this relationship towards love and the more easier it sounds, the harder it gets.
Your husband's honesty shines through, expressing that his family holds the utmost importance in his heart, and he could never deny his mother's wishes. Although he initially declined the marriage proposal, the elders' persuasion led him to reluctantly agree. Absolute zero differences in both of your situations. Despite the arranged marriage, he promises to ensure your comfort and well-being. Polite knocks on your door in the morning signify his presence, seeking breakfast if you're up for the task, and he would either leave a note saying "ThankYou" or he would leave a fresh flower on the dining table as a small gesture of appreciation for your efforts in preparing breakfast, letting your pride swell with all this generosity, although you'd wish he says it with his own mouth, overcoming those barriers. Considerate compliments follow whether you're dressed in your best, try some new hairstyles, or ofcourse, after enjoying your delightful meals, was one thing that made you hopeful about this relationship.
It's evident he lacks communication, since he only speaks to you at mornings and occasionally on texts, whenever he's late. He possesses no punctuality but you're quick to realize he has a pattern in timings of when he wakes up, when he returns, when he sleeps. Throughout the day, you don't exactly see him. At nights you barely sit with him. He's either in his room or on his laptop. Nothing, among you two, seems like you're in a bond with the youngest heir of this luxurious business.
"Don't forget, the dinner's scheduled tonight" you chime, while he was leaving. He nods and drives his way out for another busy day.
Marrying a business tycoon of "old money" and serving him great breakfasts, were the last thing you expectedย in your simple life, where you were focused on academic and personal glowups, and rarely had any serious past relationships, or have slept with anyone.
You just believed better things await for you, and if those better things were in the shape of a young handsome husband, who were you to complain.
โฟโโโฟโโโกยฐหโงโฟโงหยฐโโโโฟโโโโโฟ
"So! Have you decided a honeymoon destination?" Seungcheol's sister-in-law questions, at a calm family dinner. Seungcheol takes a sip from the drink, "I'm positively considering Greece or Bali, or maybe Fiji.ย We haven't played rock papers scissors yet to choose one destination" earning a small chuckle from everyone, Seungcheol continues to feast on the delicious dinner you had prepared. A variety of topics continue to be discussed and that was the only response Seungcheol ever said throughout dinner.
While the family members took their departure, after another hour of dessert sessions, you thought about his remark, if there's any depth to it. The honeymoon idea and what he has said so far, made you a bit ecstatic.
Seungcheol's seated on the couch, of the lounge upstairs, sipping his usual coffee. you lean towards the railings of the top floor, where yours and Seungcheol's bedrooms neighbored. He looks at you, with tender eyes, yet a cold expression. "So, about the whole honeymoon thing, are you-"
"Oh "don't worry about it," Seungcheol's dismissively remarks, taking another sip of his coffee. "Family dinners are meant for prying into things we wouldn't discuss on a typical morning," he explains. "And Honestly, I don't see the need for a honeymoon." Your heart sinks at his response, disappointment clouding your expression. "But I thought we could at least look at brochures together? Atleast discuss this thoroughly" you respond, trying to mask your disappointment with a glimmer of hope that he might consider it.
Seungcheol lets out a weary sigh, his tone becoming more serious. "You don't have to give in to everything my family demands. They can be nosy, but they'll eventually drop the topic after a few days." He glances down at his laptop, signaling that the matter is closed.
You can't help but feel a pang of hurt as Seungcheol's words crush your hopeful expectations. The thought of a romantic getaway had brought some solace, but now it seems like a distant dream.
"But Seungcheol," you protest softly, trying to keep your emotions without losing your temper, "it's just that a honeymoon could be a chance for us to spend some quality time together, away from only meeting on breakfasts, away from the hustle of daily life, away from being silent everyday, and both of us make an effort, to get to know each other better" He glances up from his laptop, his expression stoic, but you can sense a hint of frustration in his eyes. "I understand your perspective," he replies calmly, "but I'm not sure a honeymoon is the right way to achieve that. We can spend time together here, without the pressure of a fancy trip. We're not close enough nor we're a match to be doing this in the first place"
at this moment, you find yourself getting defensive...
"It's not about a fancy trip, Seungcheol. It's about creating memories, experiencing new things together, and building a connection outside of this huge mansion... where we live in distant bedrooms" you gesture around you, emphasizing the splendor of the place that seems to distance you both from the real world.
His eyes widen momentarily at your words, and you see a flash of emotion that he quickly hides. "It's not that," he retorts yet defensively, "I just think this honeymoon is an unnecessary pressure, and we should be honest about our feelings and not pretend."
You take a step back, hurt and anger welling up inside you. "So, all this time, we were just a pretense? You're quite audacious to say we're incompatible, considering the amount of time you spend with me. Count the days we ever went out? That's right. Zero" you scoff, "you know what, let's just forget this. Forget I ever asked you anything. Thankyou, for lightening my evening, Good Night" Before he could utter a response or rephrase everything, you stomp your way into your bedroom, hiding your face in your palms, feeling a bit guilty of losing your cool already when it hadn't been a while.
Seungcheol stood there, a mix of regret and realization washing over him. He knew he had made a mistake, once again, with his poorly chosen words to convey his thoughts. The truth was, he had never really learned how to express himself properly; heck he couldn't even say a proper "you're so pretty, I think I have started to find some meaning into this relationship?" to the woman he's been living with, in the same house. Unfortunately words often tumbled out of his mouth without a second thought, and he rarely considered how they might sound or how they could impact the other person. As a result, he found himself remaining silent at critical moments, fearing that his words might only cause more harm than good.
The argument with you had brought this flaw to the forefront of his mind. He recognized that his lack of effective communication had hurt you, leaving you disappointed and disheartened. He raises his fist to knock at your door, wishing he could take back his words and find a way to bridge the growing distance between the two of you, yet again, he retreats.
The same gesture was for you standing in front of your door, trying to atleast add a subtle apology, but an instant realization made you stomp your foot dramatically and jump into the warm bed.
-------------------------------------------------------
The next day, you refuse to make any breakfast, or contribute to the daily household activities like you usually do. You sulk in your room, either pacing back and forth, ordering your meal,coffee and everything upstairs.
It angered you how much you like Seungcheol. How deep of an infatuation you've developed towards him, in such a short time, finding glimpses of someone beneath the surface that you want to know better. Yet, the argument hangs heavy in the air, making you doubt whether your budding emotions stand a chance. You journal everything; how much of an asshole he is to not communicate properly, how many layers are there to him, and the only time you two talk, is for an arguement? Everything frustrated you. You hear Seungcheol in the distant, and as much as you were cross with him, you want to look at him, and admire his presence. Although its the first ever arguement you two share, the typical wife in you, expects flowers and apologies first from your husband.
Seungcheol, on the other hand, would often glance upstairs, or at your door. He would expect to see your charming face, he silently admires. Only to slump his shoulders and leave for work everyday.
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Two days pass by, and midnights strike, as you sit alone in your room, the argument with Seungcheol still fresh in your mind, you try to calm your emotions, occassionally collecting your thoughts in process of reading. Lost in your contemplation, you fail to notice the faint smell of burning wires in the air. The faulty switch connected to the lamp had been giving you trouble for a while, but you hadn't paid much attention to it, thinking it was a minor inconvenience, and indeed the most minor issues ignite major disasters.
Suddenly, a small spark ignites near the switch, and within seconds, the flames start to spread rapidly. Second situation of the night escalating this quick. Panic sets in as you realize the danger you're in.
Your heart races as you rush to the door, only to find that it's jammed, likely due to the fire's heat warping the frame. Fear grips you, knowing you're trapped. With no time to waste, you quickly grab your phone and dial the emergency number. Your voice trembles as you explain the situation and your exact location in the house. You yell out Seungcheol's name, as loud as possible, but unable to do so with the smoke rising.
Soon it starts to fill the room, making it hard to breathe. You look around for something to cover your mouth and nose, finding a nearby cloth to protect yourself as you wait for help to arrive. With all your remaining strength, you fan the rising smoke outside the door, to trigger the smoke alarms.
Seungcheol, who was now downstairs fetching a glass of wine trying to prompt an apology for the day he gathers his courage to, smells the smoke and hears the faint crackling of flames; soon he's shaken by the fire alarms sensing smoke. Panic overtakes him as he realizes this leads to your room. As he rushes upstairs, he hears faint bangings from your room, which stops. He calls out your name, but there's no response. Fear for your safety drives him to take action.
Seungcheol approaches the door, with all his force, he breaks it open. only to find the room engulfed in flames. Your figure is barely visible through the dense smoke. He rushes towards your feeble helpless frame, ignoring the scorching heat and billowing smoke. He finds you near window, trying to escape the inferno. With tears in his eyes, he wraps you in his arms and guides you towards the window, with the flames slowly engulfing the entrance door of your room.
In a span of a few minutes, sirens grows louder, and moments later, paramedics and fire brigades arrive, rushing to extinguish the flames and rescue both of you. They break through the main gates, helping you and Seungcheol escape to safety.
"Please check on her! She was unconcious and barely breathing I'm -I Plea-" Seungcheol fails to form a proper sentence.
"Please calm down sir, we're checking on her, and we'll assisst you. You are...?"
"Her husband! Please hurry and check on her god damnit!!" He yells in frustration hoping you're safe.
Soon, you were able to breathe on your own, and slowly you flutter your eyes open, chest heaving from the sudden attack of the horrific accident. Before it could escalate any further, you were given appropriate medications to trigger your drowsiness.
In the aftermath tranquility of this burning situation, Seungcheol stand outside, watching as firefighters work tirelessly to put out the remaining flames. Grateful to have survived the terrifying ordeal, he holds onto your numb hands, finaly letting his tears slip his eyes. He was so grateful to stop a major tragedy, and you're safe, with him.
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The morning sunlight gently seeps through the curtains as you feel it, only to be met with haunting flashbacks of the previous night's terrifying fire, your hopeless voice calling your husband's name, beneath your vision. You shot your eyes open and sit up, heart pounding in your chest as the vivid memories replay in your mind, leaving you trembling with fear. Tears stream down your cheeks as the trauma overwhelms you, and you find it hard to catch your breath.
Seungcheol's immediately awaken by your distress, pulling you into his arms. " I'm here y/n calm down shush..." he whispers tenderly, stroking your head, trying to comfort your trembling body as best as he can. He embraces you tightly in his arms, allowing you to cry and release the floodgates of emotions open from the harrowing experience.
He listens to your trembling sobs, his heartbeats a steady rhythm against your ear, and he continues to stroke your arms and back, comforting you through the turmoil. As you find consolation in his warmth, your clenched fists loosen their grip on the fabric of his shirt, his touch brings a sense of safety and reassurance that you desperately need in this moment. You look at him through your red eyes, as he smiles at you endearingly.
"Seungcheol- I...I'm so sorry" you sniff, gripping his hand, "I never knew that faulty switch would bring this huge mess upon us. You must be the one affected the most. I'm so sorry you had to go through this because of me. I should've let you known" you sob.
He gently wipes your tears, resting your head back on his shoulders "as long as you're safe, I'm at peace. It is my fault that I'm so...uh..quite unapproachable? But I went through hell when I saw you. I was sick worried. I'm sorry I should've protected you better. I should've run a new repair scheme as soon as you moved in. It was my insensitivity to let the most minor things slide" he slowly lies down, with you close to him. He smelled nothing like how the entire house did. He smelled sweet and strong. Everything indeed happens for a reason, as you sense how you're into the man, who rarely touches you, holding you dear.
Throughout the day, your husband Seungcheol stayed by your side, enveloping you in comforting embraces. He ordered breakfast to be delivered to his room, encouraging you to take small steps towards regaining your strength and energy to get on your feet. He offered the support you needed to gather the courage to move on your own and freshen up with a soothing shower.
While you were in the shower, he quietly left the room, allowing you some privacy to release the pent-up emotions that had been bottled up inside you. As the water washed away your tears, the conversations from two nights ago still loomed heavily, unresolved between you both. Yet, amidst the silence and uncertainty, there were his tender gazes - soft and caring. They were like ice on a sunburn, cooling your worries and offering a glimpse of hope. Though words may not have been spoken, his presence spoke volumes, showing that he was there for you in this trying time. You peer outside the window, to see the iron gates glistening with the fog, pitch black sky and the time's almost 11.
Once again, your husband returns into his room, after confirming you've changed, and he smiles at you, approaching with a plate of fruits and berries of all kinds. He was unsure of what your favorite fruit was. He felt unfortunate, of how unaware he is of your preferences. He hands you a bowl of strawberries, and elegantly peels an orange, handing the fruit to you.
"I'm sorry about the previous night" he begins. It catches you off-guard, yet you figure out you're the listener now. "I'm not the best with words, and I do realize I've hurt you-or even worse, left you disheartened. Yet again, I'm at a loss of what should I say, except that let's go on with the honeymoon plans. It may not be the best time right now, but whenever you're sure of doing this, tell me every detail about it; everything you desire for. We'll discuss it." he lifts his eyes towards you, with a subtle smile.
"I thought about everything, and upon contemplation, I realize I do want to give us a chance" you couldn't contain the bubbling happiness, and immediately hug him "thankyou so so so much Seungcheol. I'm glad you get my point" he was frozen at this sudden gesture, yet didn't fail to chuckle. Although he smiled discreetly knowing how wife-coded you are. "Let's begin as friends? Married friends? We'll know each other little by little" you suggest. "Sure, whatever you suggest" he smiles, shaking your hand.
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Amidst the haunting shadows of the accident's aftermath, and quite some insomnias later, time became your ally, gently coaxing you out of the horrors that had shaken your world. However you found an unexpected haven of love and affection with your husband. In your head, this friendship has escalated rapidly. A realization dawned upon you - the past may have shaped your paths, but the present had the power to rewrite destinies. Over time you had found solace in cohabitation with your husband, late-night conversations about life's intricacies, you delved into shared preferences, whispered dreams, cherished birthdays, and bittersweet memories of childhood. And everyday you discover new sides of him. Soon, you call him "husband" essentially finding pride and power in doing so. He was surprised at first, yet now he loves being called nicknames like "Cheol" or "Cheollie".
In Seungcheol, you found everything you admired in a man - daring, possessive, with a stunning face and a strong physique. He loved to be in shape, and encouraged you to stay fit, though romance wasn't his forte, he never faltered in taking care of necessities. While you weren't sure if you brightened his world, he became your epiphany. His struggles with eye contact and occasional mindless words unveiled the emotions he guarded, making you grateful for the accident that brought you together; without it, you might have given up on him. Now, you cherished the connection that had grown, exploring the depths of both your hearts.
Seungcheol realized soon that the collision of your worlds had a purpose, unveiling the potential for love and connection he hadn't dared to imagine. He slowly felt a major change in himself. Slowly, a transformation took place within him. Moments that were once filled with hesitation and distance, now became opportunities for seeking your attention, for his eyes to meet yours. He longed to be closer to you, finding comfort in watching you sleep peacefully at night and waking up to your smile each morning.
However, amidst this newfound affection, he couldn't decipher where his heart truly lay. Your mother's loving gestures and his sister-in-law's respectful fondness were easy to understand, but when it came to your feelings, he was left uncertain. Did you like him back? Would you ever be able to reciprocate his love? The questions lingered, leaving him vulnerable to the unknown, anxiously awaiting the day he could unravel the mysteries of your heart. It's an endless marathon in his mind.
It took him 4 days to gather his courage and ask you for coffee. You laugh and obviously agreed to accompany him to the city's famous coffee spot. Like the man he was, he memorizes your order and pulls into a drive thru.
Seungcheol drives to a spot he usually stops by, to ease his frustrations; Parks. Laughter of children, romantic couples sharing pda, and a bridge that separates cherry blossoms from the playground, you're immediately in love with this scenario. Both of you share some laughter, and enjoy your coffees and croissants, while the petals of the blossoms shed upon you. The look of love you two exchanged was long; to leave your coffees cold and croissants dry. Both of your worlds revolved around each other, only for Kkuma's barks to bring you back in reality, being greeted by Seungcheol's brother and his wife. Your delightful evening ends with a comfortable dinner and living your best chances of being Kkuma's mother, something your two month marriage with Seungcheol lacked.
Soon enough, you persuaded Seungcheol to shift houses permanently. Despite your old room being perfectly repaired, the trauma of sleeping alone had left a lasting impact. Bonus was Kkuma finally moving in with you and Seungcheol. Understanding your perspective, Seungcheol readily accepted to have you in his room in this house, and the new one seeking, welcoming the idea without hesitation.
Within a mere three days, you both found yourselves settling into your new furnished apartment, which, wasn't expansive, it rather held the essence of a cozy aesthetic. With only one guest room upstairs and a spacious bedroom, you had insisted on sharing the same space, declining any notions of personal separation. He made sure to double check every single thing, to disapprove any mishaps.
"Cheol, this is beautiful! I-I love it!! Thankyou so much, husband!" To him it's no new information, but his cheeks flushed shades of cherries. You were too busy exploring your new house, and he couldn't help but adore every inch of your ecstacy.
"Any time, wife" he replies after clearing his throat, and containing his ecstacy.
You poured your gratitudes to Seungcheol the entire day and actively joined hands with you, playfully engaging in household tasks, cherishing every moment as you transformed the apartment into your shared abode, a place that signified the start of your new world together.ย Nothing changed in terms of routine, however, you two communicate often,and now there were sparks of mischief from Seungcheol, indicating that silence was no more a welcoming guest. And now Kkuma being an addition, you enjoyed being indoors and outdoors with her. It wasn't often both of you enjoy going out often unless its something such as icecream dates or coffee, or some relaxing walks, because neither of you go anywhere out of your comfort zone; except for a business trip or grocery shopping, however the joy of turning down people who ask for your status, was thrilling. You felt a sense of superiority.
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The next evening he returns home a little earlier than expected, searching for an important flash drive in his drawer. It seemed you were in shower, considering how loud you were singing. He smiles, hearing your soft voice echoing in the room, and suddenly the door knob twisting open. Seungcheol quickly slides open the closet door and gets inside.
It was foolish of him to hide instead of leave, but he thought maybe his presence would freak you out. He slowly opens a little to take notes of the surrounding and was taken aback, seeing you in a towel, and your hair wrapped. He gulps, seeing your glistening body smell like lavender, spreading in the room.
Seeing you in this new light, he couldn't help but feel a surge of desire mixed with love. He had never viewed you with such intense admiration before. Tempted to touch and hold you, he controlled his impulses, knowing it was too soon for his hands to explore your curves yet this is the most skin he's seen of you.
You lie down on the bed, laughing and smiling to everything that went in your beautiful mind. Soon you dial your best friend and start off a conversation. Seungcheol senses this was a grave mistake, because phonecalls are obviously long. He had no choice but to stay inside until you're distracted. He facepalms himself, and slowly leans towards the side. You put the phone on speaker while you do your post shower rituals, moisturizing yourself in view of the full length mirror.
"Is Seungcheol home right now? Or should I say your husband" your friend teases you
"Good lord, no he's not. Infact a business trip awaits his presence"
"Tch that's sad. No wonder why you're calling me and not him"
"My man's busy. Sometimes I just hope come early one day and catch me like this? My mind goes places whenever I get out of shower and think of him coming in without notice" you smile coyly "darling you're on my to-do list tonight" you chuckle. Seungcheol could only smirk, after hearing your fantasies.
"Honey you're too inexperienced for this" she retorts
"Inexperienced my foot, I miss my husband already.... and safe to say I actually love him" you sigh.
"Have you told him about your feelings? Have you told him you've never been laid and are deprived" Seungcheol closely listens to everything, occasionally holding his laughter.
"No" you pout again, falling on your back, unaware of seungcheol who was shamelessly hearing you, while admiring your raised chest, that was swollen out off the unknown feelings of you, from him.
"I want to. Everytime I look at him, I want to tell himย 'oh Cheollie I love you' " you laugh with your friend, "I'm seriously in love with him and it scares me how quick and sudden it all was. And now its- he's giving me mixed signals. Sometimes he's distant, and sometimes he makes me the most lucky woman ever. I want to tell him I love him, I just don't know when or how" you continue
"Dont say anything. Just go on your honeymoon, and sit on his face, the 2nd hour. Afterall actions speak louder than words"ย both of you laugh heartily. Seungcheol breathes out a laugh yet onto it, knowing it's over if he's caught.
"Tell me about it" you sigh.
"Seriously! Talk with him and confess! Since when did you become such a big pussy"
"Honey I'm the one with the pussy"
"Goddamn, you- seriously- talk to him. What if he s involved in someone else the time you say the words"
You went silent, the thought just made you sit back up, nd think about it. Could he really have someone else?
"I...highly doubt that. My mother-in-law said he's never really had a serious relationship, since he was focused on training back then"
"Honey its not written on your face that you've never had a man, it aint written on his face that he may have a potential girlfriend before you. What you'll be doing then?" Your friend continues "I hope he's not doing this out of sympathy, considering that whole incident"
Again you felt numb all over, it would've killed you inside out if the signs of Seungcheol's empathy and love was all out of sympathy. However you shake your thoughts, and put a heavy heart on your words, "Then what I'm the one who married him, and I get to choose if I stay or take the other way"
Seungcheol gulped, knowing time is definitely ticking and if he still don't do anything, he'll surely regret.
"Atta girl!"
Suddenly Kkuma runs out from underneath your bed and into the bathroom, and you chase her. "Ahhhhh kkuma stop you frenzy lil- I'll call back later" you chase your daughter, and Seungcheol seeks this as a perfect opportunity to escape.
"Kkuma!!!! That's your dad's favorite shampooo aaa!" You exclaim. Seungcheol takes this opportunity to sprint out of the room, laughing a little at your banter. The smile plastered on his face was priceless. His chest heaved with happiness, ego swollen with pride, heart relieved and thrilled with all the revelations. If he knew anything as a businessman, it was to have a plan. He needs to be prepared for everything beforehand and time was a precious investment. And it was finally time he need to make his first move.
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"Are you interested in accompanying me to this business trip?" Seungcheol asks, out of the blue during breakfast.
"Well, I don't see exactly why wouldn't I" you raise your brows "thought I'd say no"
"Hey hey, it's not that! I just wondered if you'd be up for some adventure, that's all."
"Adventure, huh?" you reply, pretending to ponder dramatically. "Hmm, only if you promise to bring some fun into this 'business' trip."
He smirks, tapping his fingers on the table. "Deal! I'll make sure it's the most adventurous business trip you've ever been on" you're aware of your husband's antics, and it's evident he's brewing something.
You laugh, finding his playful demeanor contagious. "Alright then, you've got yourself a travel buddy. But you better keep your promise, Mr. Businessman."
Seungcheol winks, flashing you a charismatic smile. "Oh, don't you worry, Mrs. Businesswoman. It'll be an unforgettable journey" Kkuma barks in excitement
"Exactly Kkuma" he cheers.
You couldn't help but smile, at how domestic life has turned ever since the coast is clear between you two. The idea of being overseas with Seungcheol sparked a new imagination for you.
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Whoever said travelling is easy, it never is.
After hours of a tiring flight, you found yourself in Singapore, the astonishing city of tourism. The sights were indeed beautiful, with city skyscrapers and landscapes that mesmerized you. The fresh air was a welcome change, adding a touch of excitement to this trip. Your husband, with his penchant for luxury, had chosen a hotel room at a height, providing a stunning view of the city and the rivers below."It must be even more beautiful at night," you thought, taking in the scenery.
Seungcheol's voice broke through your thoughts, and you turned to see him leaning against the doorway, arms crossed, looking incredibly attractive in his white shirt.
"Like what you see?" he teased, clearly enjoying the attention he was receiving.
"Sure I do," you replied with a nervous smile, trying to contain your admiration for him.
"I'll shower first then! I'll be heading out soon, so please order lunch for me as well," he said, scrunching his nose playfully before disappearing into the bathroom.
Following his request, you ordered lunch and kept yourself busy taking pictures of the breathtaking views from your room. Lost in the beauty of the city, you were interrupted by the doorbell, and to your surprise, there stood Seungcheol, clad only in sweatpants, with the towel hanging around his shoulders. You tried your best to keep composure "Oop! Quite a timing, lunch is here" you tried to maintain eye contact but it was hard; both for your eyes to keep to his face, and for his nipples to remain soft in the chilly air of the A/C. It was thrilling and embarassing, considering you now know what he is inside that white shirt he always wears.
"Sure, Thanks. Heard my phone ring" he walks over to the side table for his phone "I'll be quick" he chuckles knowing the effect he had on you. You swore you felt tingles everywhere, and bury your face in your hands, hiding the flusters of your red face and feels. Unbeknownst to you, Seungcheol could see your flustered reactions through the reflection of the window; full enough to capture the city's highlights. He knew he has unlocked a new level.
"Sure this journey will be unforgettable"
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While Seungcheol's been busy attending meetings and chats with his clients, you took this opportunity to explore the city's famous landmarks, enjoying some street shows, and a visit to art galleries and ice cream parlors. The times he's available, he shines as usual; enjoying different flavors, mingling with the dancers, and spending like anything on ferris wheel rides, and to exquisite places you've either seen on searches, or never heard of it.
"So Mrs Businesswoman how are you enjoying your stay so far?" He inquires, leaning rowards the railings of the bridge.
"Amazing, you really know how to explore, Mr Dora" you smile. "How long is your business work though?"
"Why is it? Don't you like it here?" He frowns
"No no, it's that you must be tired commuting back and forth, just making sure you don't get sick"
"Don't worry, besides, weren't you the one to be enthusiastic about a honeymoon" he looks up at the starry sky. An instant realization came to you
"Ooh.... I-damn you sneaky lil I should've known why would you ask me to accompany you all of a sudden" you squint at him "I'm not complaining though. You have quite an elite taste" you smile
"Then lets go get dinner and we'll chill on some champagne later" the idea sounds wonderful already. Seungcheol holds your hand, and your heartbeat accelerated at this gesture
"You don't mind...this do you?" He asks, eyes glistening with innocence as if he doesn't tease you every morning.
"No, Honey" you smile. Despite Seungcheol's occasional flirty tactics, you realized that he had eyes only for you.
The next hour after a delicious dinner, you were in shower, and decided to make him suffer twice the time he does, so you come out in slippers, and a piece of towel barely covering your body, just enough to enhance your curves. Your husband who was pouring champagnes, turns around, to his absolute shock, he was foaming, eye-fucking you. You instantly knew you hit the bullseye.
"Forgot my toner here" you smile innocently, and unintentionally fulfilling your fantasies. Whatever was hard, was definitely not because of the temperature. Soon you return in just an oversized shirt and some shorts, that has been your usual night-fit. He hands you your glass, looking a bit horny. There was silence. Quite a sexually tempting one. Lights were dim, the view was spectacular.
It's when he realized he's had enough and pulls you on top of him, your lingerie-less body hitting his hard chest
"God..Seungcheol what is-"
"I'm I hav- Oh god I don't know how to say this" he contemplates, as you see his soft lips between his teeth
"What the hell you're the one to pull me on you" you roll your eyes
"Sorry I'm I-"
"Never mind" you hold his face and attach your lips with his. To be frank, you've had tolerated enough and it's time you do sit on his face.
The synchronization of your lips moving with his, was very perfect for a first time. You kept on kissing and kissing, exploring every inch of his mouth until he pushes you for a catch of breath. You flutter your eyes open and smile, slowly transcending to a laugh
"God you're so...menacing" he speaks "about time you finally do what you said to your frien-" he stops knowing he said a little too much. You look at him in shock "does that mean you-"
"Sorry" he nervously says. You squint your eyes at him again, very suspiciously "how much did you listen"
"Everything" he confessed "it was unintentional, you were busy on the call and I came for something then I forgot common sense. Sorry" he apologizes. You knew the cat had been out of the box, you were unable to notice it. You sigh, after a quick contemplation
"Well, it's no secret anymore. Here I'll say it fir-" he puts a finger on your lip, switching positions, where he is on top of you now. It earned a small squeak from you, yet you felt your core getting a bit wet by how attractive that was. His leg rested between yours.
"Let me" he stares in your soul. You gulped, kind of getting wet by how his built is hovering on you.
"Y/N, I'm foolishly, in fucking love with you" the sudden profanity made you grin a little harder, all while he strokes a loose strand off your face "honestly. I can't believe it took me this long to express my..sheer love for you, y/n. Back then, i would've died without you but now I...would die for you. I can't imagine a world without you, so if you please let me be yours forever?"
"I hated every inch of air I shared with you then, and how we were just bonded without sharing a hello" you smile, cupping his face "I never imagined I'd find every moment with you, so profound. Every minute with you was magical, and it only concludes how destined we are for each other"
"I love you Seungcheol"
"I love you too..."
With that, he took the "action speak louder than words" a little too serious. His lips wrestle for dominance with yours, and the thigh that was calm, started stirring up a storm between your legs, as he continuously grinds on you. You pull onto the hem of his shirt, and he immediately does, while his hands explore your body inside your shirt. He slowly makes his way from your lips to your neck. Everything felt so ecstatic; it was your new high. You clenched onto the soft pillows for dear life, when Seungcheol slides himself into your oversized shirt, his lips between the valley of your perky breasts, craving his attention. He admires every inch of your perfectly created body.
"Stop...teasing" you moan. He feigned ignorance, continuing to play with your sensations. He pulls you up by your back, and swiftly removes the shirt and throws it on the floor. "There's no stopping me tonight y/n," is the last thing he says before pinching your nipples, and making the best use of his mouth on them. He enjoys hearing the profanities escape your lips, and how your voice changes upon pleasure.
You push him by his shoulders and get down on him, sliding the waistband of his shorts down to his knees, his dick springing high on your face. You gaze at his length before mindlessly taking every inch in your hands. "You..you..do..nt hhhave to ddoo t-ohhh" he groans. "You don't tell me what to do...."
"Such a brat" he smirks, letting you rule his excitement. He felt his high, once you slowly took him in your mouth, taking in as much as you could without gagging (yet) it's a matter of time he shifts from a thread of "oh ffuckk" "you're doing it so good" to "I'm gonna cum" and it's when you stop. You hastily take your shorts off and slowly grind on him. Seungcheol was panting manic. He was a mess. The entire room reeked of lust and his musky scent overshadowing, with his sweat. It proved how much of an authority you held on him
"Slide all the way up to my face beautiful I don't bite"
That's all you needed for your dripping core to slide on his nose, to his mouth. His tongue did wonders. You were sure you wouldn't last long considering this is your first oral ever, and sure you didn't, his tongue toyed with your nerves, and used every "shits" "fucks" "oh cheol" as his drive to go deeper in your cunt. "I'll cum I'm cumming I-" you release on his lips, and like a man, he devours it all.
"Delicious"
"You...you sound like cand..candy crush for god's sake" you breathily chuckle, and he follows, slowly getting up, to position himself on you.
"Then allow me to...'smash' " he presses a tender kiss on your forehead, before entering your core. You squeezed his hand, asking him to be gentle and burying your face in his neck, fingers in his back. It felt so...weird the first few minutes, but as he slowly moves, the funky feeling, the pain, it all vanishes. It's all when you realize you're actually getting laid. The sounds you've never considered you'd make, were too loud, way too unholy. Seungcheol was holding your leg, and was going slow till you adjust to him. His low groans and breathy moans turned you on even further, where you move your head to face him and slap his arm
"Giv...give me e...every..thing, husband. Take me all the way up" you breathe out. It's when he increases his pace, once he received your green signal. The slow slaps, were now louder and faster. Your bed was also giving up on concealing it's squeaks. He holds you in his arms, and continues thrusting in you.
Nothing else in the world mattered but the pressure you felt in between your legs and your delicious heat wrapping around him, engulfing him in until he bottomed out. His head falling into the crock of your neck, whispering sweet nothings against it while he started to fuck you slowly.
โY-You feel so good, so w-warm.โ Seungcheol kissed you, feverishly, swallowing your moans. His soft lips whimpering against yours. โI want to be inside you forever.โ His hips moving against yours slowly, making sure you could feel all of him inside you. His hands never leave from your back and pushed you against him, chests heaving against one anotherโs. You arched your back, gripping the blankets underneath you. "Oh Seungcheo...god....cheol..." you breathe. He continued tinting your neck with his masterwork, and swiftly positions you on all fours. The joy you felt by the way he dominated you, and messed with your fucked out state, was bringing you heaven. You go low, arms stretching towards the headboard, while he grabs them, locking them behind your back, and even going hard.
There was no stopping him, all while the whole city from your foggy windows witness you making love witb your husband.
"Look at yourself, love" he turns your head to the mirror on the right "look at us..mmm..." he moans in your ear his hand snaking in between your bodies searching for the little bud of pleasure. You scream in pure ecstscy.
He turns you around, so swiftly,ย with his thumb hovering over it, the suspense had you withering, begging for him to touch you the only way he knew how. You whimpered feeling the ghost of his touch, your fingers tweaking at your nipple, sending a rush of pleasure through your body. "C..ch..chheoll..., mmm, I-I need to cum.โ You pressed your chest into his back, turning your head all the way up, watching as his face contorted into pure bliss, his thrusts getting sloppier, his connected thumb with your clit and rubbing slow figure eight, constrasting the speed of his thrusts. You gasped raising your hips rocking against his hips and hand, feeling the sweet coil start to build up "im..fucking serious oh....my..."
"Release all on me, love" he demands amidst moans "Cum with me. Savour every drop of it" and it's all you needed to finally finish on him. He groaned finding your free hand and interlocking your fingers with his. You clenched around him. He was pumping as well, and you felt all warmth being filled inside you. Every thing about this was so surreal, so new, so perfect. You breathe as if you had run a marathon; a marathon of lust. Seungcheol hugs you, and stays inside you, caressing your head, showering you with compliments that you were brave and did well for your first time. The sense of encouragement brought tears to your eyes as you bury your face in his chest. He caressed your back with tender touches, and slowly lays you on your back, plopping down next to you.
"You're officially all mine" he kisses your shoulder. You hold his hand tightly, "you're mine as well, babe"
For the first time, you felt real comfort, real love, and an unimaginable intimate experience with your husband. And a shower too.
Seungcheol's heart hadnโt stopped palpitating since. His stomach erupted into butterflies whenever he had held you close throughout the immoral escapades the two of you had engaged in all night. He never wanted to let you go and now as he looked down into your glittering eyes with the heat of the golden sun rays hitting your sensitive bodies.
"Wake up husband"
"I think I want to sleep all day tonight" he shuffles closer to you.
"Oh who knew it would hard to wake my husband up from his slumber"
"Blaming on your irresistable charm" he squeezes your butt under covers.
"Owh! I'll need my own room again if you do th.." his hands cup your clothed core
"Hmmm...you were saying?"
"You.." you fail to form sentences once he starts rubbing your core, slow dense circles.
"Hands to yoursel..f or I'll bite" you whisper
"Oh, my damsel in distress" his voice is contagiously attractive;waste no time as he goes down on you undercovers.
โโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโโ
"We're really leaving Singapore as lovers" he chimes, an ear-to-ear grin fixed on, enhancing his dimples.
"Yeah if it weren't you to have the same traits as you family, you nosy lil witch" you exhale, standing in front of the fountains, almost nearing the airport
"I'm always nosy about everything" he smirks
"Honesty is not always the best policy Mr Choi"
He pulls you dangerously close "You have no idea, Mrs Choi"
"You need a haircut"
"All I'll ever need is...you" he holds onto you like a sloth on a branch, as you two harmonize in a melodious laugh.
It is you, he wants to tell everything to. He'll express his love for you, while he holds your hands in his.
And if there's eternal love, Seungcheol is that person for you.
โฟโโฟโโฟโโฟโโฟโโฟcโฟโโฟโโฟโโฟโโฟโโฟ
Thenkyoui for reading!! Stay bias wrecked by him <3
#seventeen#seventeen fic#scoups#ashwrites#choi seungcheol#seungcheol x reader#seungcheol x you#seungcheol smut#scoups smut#scoups x you#scoups x reader#scoups fanfic#seungcheol fics#seungcheol#choi seungcheol fluff#seventeen smut#seventeen scenarios#seventeen x reader#cheol#seungcheol scenarios#seungcheol svt#scoups x y/n#scoups fluff#seventeen seungcheol#seventeen scoups#seungcheol fluff#if youre reading this
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Can we please get a Vernon head cannonโฆ I struggle to find them on here but your svt ones are just amazing :))
hi! sure you can, and thank you so much for saying that, hope you enjoy this!
Vernon Boyfriend Headcanons:
โข(sfw! hcs):
we all know that he is mostly silent throughout the day, but i truly believe that vernon would NOT be able to shut up with his significant other, he would be talking 24/7 to you, be prepared to hear about his day from the moment he woke up to the moment he came through the door of your apartment
throughout your relationship, you notice that your boyfriend has a problem. a very big and potentially dangerous problem. and that is that he brings all sorts of animals home. it started on one rainy night, he was supposed to be home 20 minutes ago but he was nowhere to be seen or heard. just as you were about to call him for the nth time, he came in through the door, drenched from head to toe from the heavy rain. and with three kittens in his arms. he didnโt even try to make any excuses, he just proceeded to say โi found them behind the dumpster two blocks away.โ
we all know that he sleeps like a corpse, so naturally he wouldnโt cuddle you back while heโs asleep, but before that he definitely wonโt let you out of his arms. heโs either talking your ear off or is casually scrolling through his phone. to be honest, it doesnโt matter what heโs doing, as long as you are in his arms he considers it time well spent. and just because he doesnโt cuddle you back during his sleep doesnโt mean you canโt do what you will lol, you can lie on him, hug him tightly and throw your leg over his stomach, he wonโt care-but he also he wonโt reciprocate it either because my man is just like this๐ง
constantly shows you something on his phone, doesnโt matter what you are doing, you will just see his hand appear in front of your face before you even hear him say โbabe look at thisโ, be it a meme or a cute cat video, he just wants you to see everything that he does too so you can enjoy it too
speaking off, kinda unpopular opinion but vernon definitely calls you babe or a nickname based on your name, i donโt really see him only calling you bro or dude like most claim he would do, i just donโt think he would go that overboard on cute nicknames either, but something small and cute just to signify both to himself and you, as well as to people around you that you two are together, and at the end of the day that would be a small way of him showing his love and affectionate for you
if you have a niece, count on vernon to ask you every other week with sparkly eyes if you can go and visit them, he just loves your niece so much even though he doesnโt really know how to play with her, he still loves her so much. even if he has to sit on a little pink chair with a tiara on his head while drinking โteaโ from a little pink cup, he doesnโt mind, as long as he gets to read her bed time stories when she goes to bed, heโs okay with it allโค๏ธ
i feel like everyone has already said this but vernon definitely has a big thing for showing you and sharing to you his love for music and movies. from making you new playlists with new songs he heard (and that remind him of you), to having a dedicated day of the week for movie nights, he just wants to have somebody that he can talk to about his favourite things so pls make sure to pay close attention to what heโs showing you :(
โข(nsfw! hcs):
vernon strikes me as a man who wouldnโt have that high of a sex drive, but when heโs in a mood, count on the fact that you will be doing it for hours to no end and that you wonโt be able to walk the next day. he will bend you in positions you didnโt even know you could be bent into, he will try out all the paces until he finds one that you enjoy the most that night. sex with vernon would never feel like chore but rather like a brand new and beautiful experience every single time
he actually gets really nervous before going on stage, so he always drags you into the nearest corner for a quickie or to eat you out or to have you suck his dick, for him itโs a great way to get all that pent up energy out (plus seeing you on your knees, with teary eyes as you struggle to wrap your mouth around his thick cock is something he can think about while on stage as a way to pass the time-)
if you ever thought that this man had a stone face and that heโs expressionless most of the time, that would change the very first time he fucked you-his eyebrows furrowed in pleasure, his mouth opened as moans keep on spilling from his mouth, droplets of sweat sliding down his temple, a few landing onto you due to him hovering above you-yeah, letโs just say that he makes the prettiest faces and noises ever
prefers it when you ride him, especially after a hard day at work, thereโs nothing he loves more than leaning on the backrest of the couch and letting you take care of him, as well as letting your wet pussy swallow him whole, he would just lay there with his eyes closed and let you do whatever you think he would enjoy-sucking on his neck, scratching his chest with your nails, whispering sweet and encouraging words in his ears- letโs just say that this is top 3 best feelings he could ever feel
has a thing for both biting and being bitten, just something about the sensation you feel when youโre being bitten is so hot to him-imagine feeling so good and so much pleasure that the only thing to stop from screaming and letting the whole world know how good youโre feeling is to bite his shoulder, it makes his brain go ckslcnsnqjqh
for some reason finds himself always fucking you in the most unusual places-on top of the kitchen counter, in the bathtub, behind some restaurant that is secluded enough but also not enough, on dinoโs couch??? when he wasnโt even in his apartment??? he justโฆfucks you when he gets in the mood, no matter the time, place or the occasion
you canโt even dare to say to me that he doesnโt have a thing for cream pies, just the sight of his cum dripping from inside you, your pussy clenching around nothing before he pushes his cock back inside along with the cum that was just about to drip out-letโs just say every thought from his head (if he had any left due to the feeling of your pussy clenching around his dick) evaporates, only thing he can focus on is you and how good his cum looks like coating your lower lips i- i need him i fear
#seventeen#svt#svt x reader#fypใท#tumblr fyp#fypage#smut#vernon x reader#hansol vernon chwe#vernon#vernon x you
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๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
๐
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐: garroth, laurance, travis, dante, zane, katelyn, & nana
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐: what i think they'd be like on a roadtrip!
๐๐๐๐: fluff, slice of life
๐๐: none!
๐/๐: i miss going on roadtrips i haven't been on one in so long
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
โ calls shotgun immediately and insists itโs his spot for the rest of the trip (oldest sibling syndrome)
โ always buys something at every rest stop, whether itโs an icee, chips, or some stupid trinket
โ bought a key chain one time that flashed the words โbad boyโ on it because he thought it was so funny. he was devastated when it stopped working one day
โ likes being the gps guy because sometimes heโll find a cool place to stop and check out on the way (to make the most of the trip, of course)
โ talks about town lore when you pass through somewhere interesting
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
โ he has the best road trip playlist and made sure to plan out how long it was depending on how far youโre traveling
โ honestly heโs probably the one driving for most of the trip if not all of it, he finds driving relaxing and also doesnโt trust other people to drive safely
โ likes to play fun talking games like never have i ever or would you rather, or just talking about life
โ will play the license plate game or i spy to stay alert
โ if heโs not talking heโs really enjoying the playlist
โ if the road trip is super long heโll agree to switch out of driving for a bit to take a nap
๐๐๐๐๐๐
โ is really invested in the license plate game
โ heโs always cracking jokes and is definitely the type of guy to look in other peopleโs windows on the road and guess their life story
โ gets invested when a car sticks with yours for a long time and gets dramatic when they finally split away
โ plays multiplayer games on his phone with whoever wants to play or sends memes to the group chat (you guys are literally in the same car)
โ will suddenly start discussing conspiracy theories or will tell ghost stories about the towns you pass through
๐๐๐๐๐ย
โ heโs either talking the whole time or passed tf out no in between
โ says โi could go for some fast fast food right nowโ literally anytime you guys pass a fast food restaurant
โ also cracks jokes and will add on to travisโs guesses on the lives of oblivious travelers
โ makes really exaggerated and out of place guesses because he thinks itโs funny
โ itโll be a grandma driving in her old chrysler and he goes โhow much you wanna bet sheโs got a pound of weed in her trunkโ
โ like man what the hell are you talking about
๐๐๐๐
โ irritated if people are talking too much (dante and travis)
โ puts on noise canceling headphones and only tunes back in if food or a rest stop is involved (heโs busy listening to my little pony infection au lore/j)
โ has a pillow, blanket, and hoodie on at all times for maximum comfort
โ another sleeper. surprisingly doesnโt mind if you use him as a pillow or ask to share his blanket, heโs really comfy with all those layers on
โ will lightly shove you away if you start moving too much, though
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
โ pretty chill the whole time as usual
โ sits in the very back and mostly will watch the scenery
โ she brings a book or watches a movie, and doesnโt mind sharing her headphones with you to watch it togetherย
โ unless youโre traveling in a car with tv screens installed, then she has a small travel case with a ton of burned cds (if you know you know) and everyone can join in
โ if she gets tired of socializing with everyone she puts in some earbuds and takes a nap
๐๐๐๐
โ packs a whole bag of snacks and homemade sweets for everyone
โ checks pretty often if anyone wants to take a break at a rest stop and stretch their legs (sheโs pretty jittery and doesnโt want to be the only one constantly asking to stop the car)
โ also participates in the license plate game, but also likes to play the slug bug and yellow car game
โ made the mistake of slug bugging katelyn and got punched back in the arm
โ gets really addicted to cute cat games on her phone and accidentally spends a bunch of money on passes
โ she brings some sort of craft or sketchbook for the trip. you notice sheโs been quiet for a while before looking over and seeing sheโs already crocheted half of a scarf and a hat
ยฉstarhvney, 2024. please do not steal or repost my works as your own.
#aphmau mystreet#mystreet x reader#aphmau#garroth ro'meave#mystreet garroth#mystreet travis#mystreet katelyn#mystreet kawaii chan#mystreet nana#mystreet laurance#mystreet zane#zane ro'meave#mystreet dante
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Midnight Queen
paring: Azriel x Reader | type: smut | words: 3,7k | warnings: explicit descriptions, vulgar wording, pleasure hall setting. playlist: i want to | fill the void | wicked games | earned it | into it | chills | TiO I decided to do a little rewrite of my first ever story I posted on here; thank you so much @moonlightazriel for beta reading it (sorry for serving you smut for breakfast)๐
"If you need to fuck someone, go to a pleasure hall and pay for it, but stay away from her."
And he did. He kept his distance. That night, that night months ago, he left. He stayed away from her. From Elain.
He left the House of Wind. And he sought out a pleasure hall. He downed a drink. And then he walked down one of the narrow corridors, velvet tapestry on either side, towards a more private room at the very back of the pleasure hall. Primal noises, moans and screams reached him on his way there, the scents of arousal mingling in the air around him, making him grimace. But he ignored it all, his anger and frustration getting the best of him.ย ย
Azriel had followed Rhysandโs suggestion - fed up with all the happy couples in his life, and their constant display of joy and love. He couldn't stay moment longer in the House of Wind.ย
He had to leave. But not for the sake of fucking. He didn't come to the pleasure hall to fuck, only to watch. To distract himself. And it is all he's done ever since.ย
He only comes here to watch. And only to watch you.ย
Until tonight. Tonight is different. Tonight he needs. He craves. He is a hungry male, and he seeks to devour. To still his hunger. He wants to savour. You.ย
The glass, half-full with amber liquor, is tipped to his plump lips, while his gaze, like heated honey, is trained on you, following your every move. Just like his shadows, perched on both his shoulders and the little stage you dance upon, watching your every move closely, twin flames burning in his eyes that devour you, slowly undress you.ย
You're on my mind Been there all night I've been missing seeing my midnight queen Come have a drinkOr maybe three And Darling I'll make you my next victim It's been too long to spend this night alone I need to hear the sweet sound of your moans Come have a ride, baby don't be so shy I prefer girls who're not afraid to cry
His eyes are on your curves and how you put them in action. Each sway of your hips, each spin, each twirl, Azrielโs eyes follow, leaving heat in every place they touch. You feel it, feel how your heart beat quickens, how his eyes undress and devour you. He is a hungry male and you a ready to serve.ย
But you make him wait, it is a game you are playing and you are not done yet. Hunter and preyโฆ
Since his first visit a few months ago, Solstice Eve, he has only ever come to see you dance. And you like it. Enjoy it. His attention, the silent desire brewing beneath his tan and in tattoos covered skin, and flickering brightly in those hazel eyes that could easily undress females with just one look at themโฆ
You spin and meet his gaze, a feline grin gracing your red-coloured lips. You blow him a kiss and watch how his eyes sparkle, twin flames of lust burning in them. His arousal, the scent so musky, of night chilled mist and cedar, reaches you and you inhale deeply, revelling in it. Damp heat slicks between your thighs, but you remind yourself that he is just another customer, just another male watching you. He should not have this effect on you. You should not want him that muchโฆ
You roll your hips, your belly nearly touching the pole, hands curling tighter around it.ย
Azrielโs mind wanders, he imagines how those hands curl around his shaft, your mouth โthose plump red lipsโ fastened around the crown of his cock.ย
Your head whips to him, almost like you can read his filthy thoughts. And when your eyes meet his, you know what you want. You want him fully unleashed, see what this powerful male is capable of. You bend over, crouch down, always making sure he focuses on the part of your body you want him to.ย
Straightening up, you begin to dance anew.ย
The room is hazy, dimly lit โ arousal making the air feel thick, and foggy. You glide over the small stage with effortless allure. Grabbing the pole, swirling around it, moving away and always coming back. All your movements seem like a symphony of grace, syncing flawlessly with the soft pulse of the music that surrounds him.ย
You never break eye-contact with him. Not even when you move of the stage, each step accentuated by the sway of your round hips. A thin piece of lace fabric covers your most private areas, leaving absolutely nothing to imagination. Your soft skin is almost fully exposed to both Azriel and the slightly chilly air. But you donโt feel cold. You feel hot all over. You are burning for this male. The male with the wings and shadows and stunning, cruel beauty etched upon his face. He is a sin to look at and more than once have you imagined yourself on the ground, between his thighs, looking up at him through your lashes. Damp heat pools between your thighs and you know he can scent it - and you want him to.
Your body moves like silk in the muted glow. As you move closer, you keep your gaze locked with his, a silent promise lingering in the air.
This night will be different, you know it. This night will not end here. But in your bed.
I choose you to fill my void, yeah I speak my voice and I choose you to fill the void
Your fingertips brush his shoulder, nothing but corded muscles beneath the fabric of his black shirt, as you move around him, a hypnotic dance in sync with the soft pulse of the music โ a delicate tease with every sway of your hips, every little touch. He is a gone male, you have him fully wrapped around your finger, so much that also his shadows move in sync with the music and the sway of your hips.ย
With your last swirl around him coming to an end you pause, halting between his strong thighs, so very inviting to sit down, to ride. But not yet.
With tantalising precision, you guide his hands to follow the contours of your body, his rough calluses scraping against your soft skin. The room fades into insignificance, there is only you on Azrielโs mind, the feel of your soft skin beneath his hands. He wants to touch, feel, explore, grab, squeeze and knead.
But for now, he caresses.
The chemistry between your souls and the shared desire, so acute and palpable, creates an intimate bubble - no one but Azriel and you matter anymore.
Your scent is intoxicating and Azriel wants to taste you, lick and suckle, drink you in. He has been waiting so long for this moment, anticipation nearly makes him lose control.ย
The soft brush of your skin against his is enchanting and he is lost, a goner. You own him. He is fully at your mercy, cock straining almost painfully behind his trousers.ย
You guide his hands higher, his palms brushing over your hard nipples and sending a shockwave of sensation right to your core. Your knees threaten to buckle when his broad hands close over your breasts, kneading them gently, and you use this as an excuse to claim the spot on his lap.
"Good evening, Azriel." His name, rolling over your lips as a seductive whisper, almost like a sweet little sin, heats his blood โ he canโt wait to hear you scream it when you come on his tongue. Around his dick.
"Sit!" His command is nothing but a purr and you follow, like the good girl you are. Your knees are braced on either side of him, caging him, when you lower yourself to sit atop the powerful Illyrian male. Your scents mingle, his shadows, having formerly watched you so intently, now glade over your bare skin, their touch so delicate their strokes leave goosebumps in their wake. His hands land on your waist and he holds you tightly. Almost like he needs to ground himself, holding back from fucking you straight ahead.ย
The sultry grin once again touches your lips, and you lock your gaze with his, longing for the heat in this endless brown of them.
"You returned," you say, voice hushed and breathy.
His eyes dip to your mouth. "Always." Azriel's tongue pokes out and he licks over his lower lip, slowly dragging it over the skin. "Iโve never visited anyone else." His finger tips dig into your skin. "Only ever you."
This shouldnโt make you so happy, but it does and your grin widens.
One of his hands lowers, grabbing your hips tightly. A growl, primal and pure, leaves him when you shift atop him. You feel his arousal, pressing into you, desire just as acute as your own.
Leaning in, your damp lips brush his ear, and in a sensual whisper you say, "I was wondering when you would finally put those hands to good use." You kiss the spot below his ear and to your surprise he shudders. His reaction elicits a delighted giggle from you.
But when you lean back, some of the fire in his eyes has vanished, almost like the flames were extinguished โ did you the wrong thing?
"My handsโ" he starts but does not continue. But he looks down and you follow the direction of his eyes, noticing the scars adorning his hands and parts of his arms.ย
A feeling, something unknown to you since this moment, blooms inside you and you quickly close the distance between the two of you again, lips nearly meeting his. "Scars or no scars, your hands are beautiful and I canโt even tell you how many times Iโve thought about them already. On me, all over me." You kiss his jaw. "Inside of me."
His skin tightens and when you meet his gaze again the fire is back, burning brighter than ever before.ย
"What a coincidence," he purrs, his hot breath fanning your exposed skin, smelling of liquor. "Iโve been imagining your hand wrapped around my cock instead of that pole quite a few times already, as well."
The grin that spreads over his face is wicked, full of sensual promises, and the prospect of a night you will never forget. You are glad the former sadness has disappeared.
"Why did you come here tonight?" Your hot breath fans his neck. It is always the same question - the question you always ask Azriel when he comes to you. Though this time the answer is different. For the first time he comes here for something else.
"To still my insatiable hunger," he rasps. You feel how the muscles in thighs tense, harden, his palms radiating heat through the flimsy piece of lace you are wearing.
A sultry chuckle parts your red-tinted lips. "Hopefully we can appease your hunger then, shadowsinger."
He smiles again, sensual, sultry promises shimmering within his eyes, but he makes no move to kiss you. Or touch you any further. You lean in again, damp lips coasting over his cheek.ย
"What are you waiting for, Azriel?" His name rolling over your lips in a whisper feels like the sweetest sin to Azriel, it makes a groan erupt from some deep part of his throat, and his skin go taut with desire. Yet, he controls his hunger, his need, having to make something very clear before you commence.ย ย
"Your consent," the shadowsinger breathes. "When we fuck, I donโt want you to do this because it is you job. When we fuck, I want you to want this just as much as I do. I want you toโ"
You shut him up with a kiss. "I want you. I want this. And I know this is more than my job. I want you because my body screams for you. I need you."
It is all he needs to hear. Azriel leans in. He threads his fingers into the hair at the nape of your neck, tilting your head back to give him better access. His tongue licks over the exposed column of your spine, tasting both the sweet, rose scent of your perfume and the saltiness of your sweat. "Iโve wanted this for so long," he rasps, and nips at your jaw, hand sliding between your thighs, parting them.
You feel light-headed on top of him, his erection pressing into you. "Why did you wait so long then?" Your voice is nothing more than a sensual purr. Your grind against him, your softest parts against his hardest. "Why did you make me wait for so long?"
He sucks in a sharp breath. And then he grabs your chin, forcing you to meet his gaze.
Your skin heats up, cheeks burning when your eyes meet his - pupils fully dilated.ย
"Because it only made me hungrier for you." His lips close over yours, showing you exactly how hungry he is. "I am a starved male and I canโt wait to devour. To ravish you tonight."
You have to hold back from moaning out loud.
His index finger strokes over the lace, the only thing piece of fabric covering your private parts. He groans at the dampness soaking through the fabric, his head already starting to spin. Long, scarred hands slide beneath it, dragging through your wet folds, eliciting a gasp from you.
"For me?" he purrs.
"Yes," you breathe, eyes glazing over, "only you can get me so wet."
At first, the shadowy male is explorative, touching you gently, easing his fingers in an out of you in languid movements, but all of that comes to an end when you bite down on his neck, dragging your teeth over his hot skin. Azriel laughs, almost a little wickedly, and flicks his wrist, plunging his fingers into you from a different angle now. He fucks you hard - fingers spearing into you, thumb rubbing your clit until release shatters through you. You cry out, nails digging into his skin, head falling back. Your knees buckle and your limbs feel tingle, his fingers still inside of you, letting you ride out your high. No male has ever made you feel like that, and he is only using his fingers to do so. If in this composed position, and only with two of his fingers, he can already make you feel like that, and make you come so hard, you wonโt even allow yourself to imagine what he will be able to do with hisโฆcock.
He is smug about how easily he made you come - an almost arrogant smile gracing his plump and swollen lips - cocky male! But something about it fuels a fire inside of you. He is skilled and he knows it, and somehow you love it.ย
He removes his fingers, slowly, and holding your gaze he dips them into his mouth, licking them clean of your juice. A guttural noise rumbles out of him, his eyes rolling back at the taste of you. "Fuck," he breathes and a moment later his hands cradle your face and he kisses you, deep, passionate and hungry.ย
You roll your hips against him, almost whining when your sensitive core rubs over the bulge in his pants. Your skin prickles, your clit is swollen, core throbbing while your nerves are on fire. You need him fully. You need him inside of you. You need him unleashed.ย
"More," your breathlessly plead. And you are surprised - it is never you who begs.
Azriel kisses the corner of your mouth, lips lingering. "I wasnโt planning on stopping here."
He hoists you in his strong arms, large wings flaring behind his back, your legs wrapping around Azrielโs waist. With ease he carries you to the large bed, and then tosses you onto it, into the dark, silken sheets. He is towering over your, shoulders squared, wings spread, shadows dancing on his shoulders. "Strip," he orders, but adds, "or do you need help?"
A smirk appears on your lips and he is on you the next second, tearing through the flimsy piece of fabric, bearing you to chilly air and him. "Apologies, I will buy you a new outfit." His lips coast over neck to cleavage, until he reaches your tits. He takes each hardened peak into his mouth, letting his tongue glide over the pebbled skin, closing his lips, suckling, his other hand giving just as much attention to your other breast, kneading gently. The calloused skin is rough against yours and feels phenomenal and terribly arousing. You need him. You need him so much, you simultaneously let the tip of your toes slide beneath the waistband of his pants, and your hand over his crotch. With ease, you flick open the button, and push the trousers down the curve of his ass. His hard cock springs free and leaves you breathless - he is long and thick, a little curved and absolutely beautiful.
Interrupting your shameless staring, he kisses you, tongue parting your lips, teeth clashing, tongues dancing, fighting for dominance neither of you allows the other. Both scarred hands, arms adorned with visible veins, are braced next to your head. He is leaning over you, caging you and you love how he makes you feel - respected in your choices, seen, and not just like an object. Thatโs why you want him so much. Thatโs why you need him so much - he is not like other males.ย
You only break the kiss when you feel something wet on your skin, and lift your head, Azrielโs gaze following your eyes.
A drop of pre-come has fallen onto your belly, right next to your navel. You want to clench your thighs, something low in your belly tightening. The male sucks in a sharp breath, and then an almost animalistic growl parts his lips.ย
His hot breath fans your throat, canines scratching over your skin. "Thatโs what you do to me. Thatโs how much I crave you."
He forces your thighs further apart, shifting on the bed, the broad crown of his cock nestled against your entrance.ย
"Open up for me, my queen." Queen. You have never been called anything more beautiful. More powerful.ย
Your hips fall even wider open and he slides into you, sinking into your tender flesh, stretching you out. Nothing could have ever prepared you for this feeling, the feeling of him - no one has ever felt like Azriel. So good. So right.
There is a hint of pain, but you eventually adjust to his size, and moan.
Never ever have you felt so perfectly filled. "Fucking Gods," you moan, fisting the sheets next to you. "Fuck, Azriel, move."
He loves the dominance, the power he has. With a low chuckle, seeing your already blissed out stage, he pulls out until only the tip is in and then rolls his hips against you, plunging deep into you, the muscles in his ass flexing.
"You are such a needy little thing, huh? So greedy for my dick." He is searching your gaze, waiting for a reaction - do you like the slight degradation? Is it too much, due to your job.
But you like it - coming from his lips you like it. You know he doesn't mean it in relation to your job.ย
You let your hands slide down to his ass, sinking your nails into the flesh, your own hips lifting, back arching.ย
"How do you want me, my midnight queen?"
You let out a shaky breath, his length slowly sliding into you, letting you feel every proud inch of his erection. "Ha-rd," you stutter. "I want you to take me hard."
He growls in approval and soon sets a relentless tempo, pulling out to the tip and slamming back into you - at a brutal pace his hips snap against yours, pounding and thrusting into you.ย
The breaths that leave Azriel are ragged and fast, just like your own. Your whimper and moan, cry out in pleasure, meeting each of his thrusts with the roll of your hips.ย
The sounds of smacking flesh, the groaning of the bed and the bedframe hitting the wall fill the small room. Your back arches, and you lift your legs, curling them around Azriel, heels pressing into his bum. The new angle allows him to fuck you even deeper and it has you writhing and squirming beneath him.ย
Your walls flutter around him, squeezing him and it tells Azriel you are close. And so is he - release already starts to gather in his spin, flecks of black and white sparking in front of his vision.ย
"You are taking me so well." Azriel captures your lobe between his teeth. "You want to come, don't you?"
You nod, no more talking possible. You are a blissed-out mess beneath him, driven only by desire and lust, your body feeling like jelly.ย
Azriel clicks his tongue and you are surprised you heard it over the blood rushing in your ears. "Use your words!" There is nothing soft in his voice, nothing gentle - it is a command and you absolutely love his dominance. Because he respects you in his dominance. It is about your pleasure as well. This is about you. This moment is about you. He sees you. Respects you.ย
"Yes!" you cry out. The dam bursts and release washes over you. You come undone, screaming out in pleasure, and Azriel follows you right over the edge. His thrusts become languid, his hot seed spurting of your walls, filling you. "Take it all," he groans into your ear, hips rolling against yours and you milk him dry. "Let me fill you up nicely. I want my scent to be all over you, stick to your skin for ages."ย
Your eyes roll back, and you are too delirious to realise that this wonderful moment is already over.ย
You slump onto the mattress, knees buckling, limps numb, chest rising and falling with deep inhales. Azriel pulls out and then collapses right on top of you.ย
"No male will ever touch you again, Y/N. You are mine! From now on, until the last day of our immortal life."
~~~~~~~ tags (crossed-out I couldn't tag) :ย @juulle987ย @marimorena06ย @danikasthings @younxii@nightcourtwritingsย @mrofontaine @lunalilyf @whor-3-cruxย @tired-all-the-timeย @anni-was-hereย @ummmmmwatย @azbracadabraย @j-pendragonxย @hollyismentallyillhelp @famousbasementpainterย @bsenpai @lena-davina @red-highladyย @thesugatoyourtae @azrielsbabyg @aroseinvelaris @moony-thoughts @wrensical003 @cherryjain17 @moonfawnx @crushedcloudsx @devilsfoodcake22ย @valeridarkness @azrielscertifiedslut @mulansaucey @cynicalpotato95 @hanasakr @high-bi-andreadytocry @eerievixen @feyretopia @moonlightazriel @randomness-it-is @brekkershadowsinger @eliieee23 @girasoli-e-sorrisi @illyrianvalkyriecarynthianย @kennedy-brooke @highladyofillyria @theworthlessqueen @marina468 @topaz125 @illyrian-dreamer @azriels-mate123 @eos-princess @courtofjurdan @a-frog-with-a-laptop @insufferablebookaddict @callmeblaire
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lost in love songs.
han taesan x reader
a short, three part, friends to lovers story.
เฉโฉโงโ hidden love unfolds when taesan's ipod nano accidentally ends up in the hands of his best-friend, yn. a certain playlist catches her eyes, revealing the true feelings kept within the depths of the boy's heart.
part three: can't help falling in love.
confessions, first kisses, so much cuteness my heart swells. lowercase intended, excuse any spelling mistakes / grammatical errors! enjoy <3
wc: 4,019
masterlist ๐ฆน part one ๐ฆน part two
โเฑจเงหโกห
"i need to talk to you"
taesan couldn't sleep at all, her words just circling around and around in his head all night long. the five letter text message written in big bold letters playing in his mind every single time he so much as even tried to shut his eyes. he lies awake, sighing when his eight o' clock alarm rings through his ears. he was going to confess to her today. he had to. it was the only way he or his friend could get any sort of closure, whether he liked it or not. their meeting time was still in another two hours. the boy grabs his phone, instinctively going to check the messages, her messages.
last active 6.45am
seems she couldn't sleep either, though neither of the friends contacted each other while they were awake. no exchange of words, unlike the way they usually did. taesan's stomach hurts, he's restless and he just can't seem to lie still. he gets off of his bed, walking around his room once, then twice, and then a third time before resorting to sitting on the chair near his desk. with a light tap of his finger, the laptop in front of him turns on, a slight buzzing sound from the gears within the device that began to work. his reflection on the screen disappears when the tabs he had opened the night prior appeared before him. the boy's eyes glimmer slightly at the sight of his music folder, countless of demos and drafts scattered in a somewhat organized manner in the little blue folder. his finger slides against the silver track-pad, the air conditioning right by his desk making the surface cool to touch. taesan bites his lips as he clicks, a collection of his unfinished originals popping up above all the other opened tabs.
the boy sighs again, a hand roughly stroking through his bed-ridden hair as his eyes make contact with two songs in particular. those were the same songs he had downloaded onto his ipod the other day, the one that was now in the hands of his best-friend who he had in his mind throughout the whole writing process. taesan curses at himself, regretting ever even making such stupid songs. but it's all her fault, he thought, if she weren't so...her, maybe he wouldn't keep writing these love songs. he scrolls down in frustration, eyes following his cursor as they go through about a dozen more songs about her. a dozen more songs she didn't need to know about, the songs he once swore she'd never see.
the boy's finger moves up again, back to the very top two tracks in the folder. he let's out a deep breath before pressing down, allowing his own music to flow through the air. an unfinished song,
can't help falling in love.
taesan's eyes shut closed, his back leaning softly against his chair and he immerses himself in the tune. soft piano fills his ears, his eyebrows knitting together when he hears his own voice. just like the other song, this one shared that same honey-like feeling. it was very unlike the usually upbeat and, as his friend would call it, emo sound that he typically produced. for some reason though, it was somewhat more...authentic. like despite his edgy exterior the boy was just born to write these cheesy songs that he swore weren't 'his vibe'. he hums along quietly to the lyrics, not wanting to wake the rest of his family that were very much still asleep at such an hour like this on a saturday morning.
her eyes shine like diamonds, her lips stained pink like rose quartz. she speaks so loud with confidence, yeah i envy her voice like sweets of sorts. and i just can't shake this feeling, and i just don't know what's wrong. when she looks at me i'm melting, elvis was right cause i can't help falling in love.
the sound of the lyrics he wrote himself makes him sick for a second, his eyes opening and his body darting forward to hit pause. the tune abruptly stops, his heavy breathing all too loud when silence engulfs the atmosphere. taesan is tense, the sudden reality of the situation he was in had become too real, too much for his liking. the boy blinks in long intervals, his teeth clawing at his bottom lip and his hands that were pressed atop the table forming fists. the boy loses himself for a moment, his mind overflowing with every possible scenario, every kind of reaction this girl he had been so hung up on could've had to the feelings he poured out into his songs, this girl who was his only friend, this girl he might've of lost forever.
he stops himself from screaming at the top of his lungs, eyes glancing at the number on the top right corner of the screen. only one more hour to go. he decides its finally time to get ready. taesan takes a shower, washing his hair with the olive scented shampoo that his mom had bought for him on a sale the other day. he brushed his teeth, making eye contact with the mirror as he dried his hair. the boy spends the next thirty minutes trying on all of his clothes, almost throwing a tantrum and leaving the room in a mess when nothing seemed to feel right. by 9.35 he had decided on a black band tee, the faded smiley face logo of his favourite band contrasting perfectly with the dark wash of his denim jeans. he stares at himself in his floor-length mirror, his hands fidgeting in the air as he begins to rehearse every way the confession that awaits him with his best-friend could possibly go. the shy boy does this often, he finds it hard to speak with people and it makes him feel better to practice beforehand. however, he's never had to do this with her, she always made it easy for him to talk. so why now? why does he feel so nervous and...scared?
"and i just...i think you're cool and- no, i think you're pretty chill and- pretty chill? ugh! this is so stupid!" he groans, launching himself onto his bed and staring angrily at his ceiling. just then, the familiar notification sound of his phone grabs the boy's attention. taesan stretches an arm out towards it, his eyes lighting up and his body going back into sitting position as he reads the text from the girl who'd been running laps around his mind since last night.
yn meet you at the playground
the boy feels a cluster of butterflies in his lower abdomen, a small smile unconsciously making its way onto his lips at the mere thought of the pretty girl conversing with him.
i'll see you there
he shuts his phone off before she could respond, jumping off of the mattress and stumbling into his black leather shoes, all while simultaneously throwing on his coat and spritzing just enough of his signature perfume. he greets himself one last time in the mirror before he leaves, letting out a breath as he nodded to his reflection, so as to tell himself 'good luck'.
the boy was out the door now, not forgetting to bid his family goodbye leaving them to wonder what he was so jittery about. his feet trots over to the bus stop. the playground was closer to her place, almost an hour away from the boy if he were to get there on foot. his fingers tapped impatiently against the silver railing of the bench, no one else was there because no one else had plans so early on a weekend. five minutes go by and the blue vehicle finally comes to a stop in front of him, the automatic door sliding opened as he stepped into the bus. "where you off to this early on a saturday, kid?" asked the old man who had both hands on the steering wheel. "going to tell her the truth" the man chuckles at the boy's mysterious response, watching from the rear-view mirror as he slumped himself onto one of the seats. taesan watches as the trees go by, his eyes wandering over to the people on walks, the children on their tiny bikes, and the couples sharing a morning cup of coffee. the boy reaches into his pocket in search of his music player, lips pursing into a straight line when he remembers its whereabouts. he didn't even have his earphones with him, he couldn't listen to music on his phone even he wanted to! and no music meant no distractions, nothing to focus on apart from his own thoughts he began to get lost in once again.
at last, the bus arrives at his stop. taesan gets up from his seat, a hand gripping onto the yellow handle near the door as he begins to get off. "hey kid" the old man's voice stops him. "huh?" he asked, an eyebrow cocked up in curiosity. "good luck with that girl, rooting for you" the driver's encouraging words paired with a warm smile gave the otherwise nervous wreck of a boy somewhat of a confidence boost. he shoots the man a smile in return, thanking him before hopping out the door. a new sense of security as he strides towards the gated entrance of the park. he walks with his head down, eyes focusing on the way his thick shoes created indents against the grass. he only looks up when his feet reaches the familiar cobblestone that surrounded the playground.
he holds his breath for a moment and his heart rate went up by tenfold. there she was. in the rather empty area, the only other sound apart from the pumping in his chest was the breeze. a smooth blow of wind that cascaded through her hair, causing the swing in which she sat to sway slowly. his gaze lingered for a moment, staring longingly at his best-friend, myung yn. a harsh gush of wind swept the boy off of his feet, sending his body to move forward all of a sudden. the noise that escaped his mouth causing the girl on the swing to turn around and face him. the two stood like that for a while, not uttering a word and just staring at each other from a distance. yn was the first to look away, her head tilting towards the direction of the other swing beside hers, inviting the boy to come and take a seat. taesan takes painfully slow steps before finally making it to the empty swing, the old steel bar from which it hung on creaking a little at the pressure of his weight. still, neither of them spoke a word. her eyes fixed onto the two little birds a couple feet away from them, and his own ones focused right onto her.
"yn..." he begins, though his voice is a lot deeper than usual. taesan wants to tell her everything, just the way he had planned, he had so much to say and yet for some reason all of those things just wouldn't- no, they just couldn't come out. "here" his eyes widen when she speaks, the boy's gaze falling onto her hand that appeared in front of him. his ipod nano in it, and his worn-out earphones de-tangled and wrapped neatly around the device. "oh" is all he managed to muster out, his own hand reaching over to retrieve it. taesan's touch lingers against her skin, sending a wave of goosebumps to decorate her body. it's silent all over again. minus the chirping of song birds and the rustling of dying leaves as they shed onto the green grass. the boy zones out, trying to find the right sentences to say. he's distracted by the thoughts running through his brain, perplexed when they all began to fade away at the sound of soft humming coming from the girl to his left.
the tune is familiar, though he can't seem to pinpoint where he's heard it before. "that song has been stuck in my head all night, i couldn't sleep" yn began, her voice still raspy from the lack of rest. she still doesn't make eye contact though, continuing to hum as she rocked slightly on the swing. "you write so well"
that's when it all clicked in his head. the song she had been humming, the same song he had made himself. the one about a girl, the one about her. yn's compliment registers in his brain, his head falling down to hide the way a pink shade appeared onto his pale cheeks, silently praying she couldn't hear the way his heart thumped beneath his shirt. "if only i could speak as well as i write" taesan finally talks, his voice making her turn to fully face him now. her eyes are big and a small smile pulled against the corners of her lips. "well, why don't you try? try to tell me about this girl" the way she asked him, like she hadn't a clue about the meaning of his songs, it comforted him a little. how could she be so...normal at a time like this?
he stutters, looking away from her as he opens his mouth to speak again. "well...she's the complete opposite of me and she makes me feel all weird and fuzzy inside and" - "you're always weird, but go on" yn chuckles, interrupting him jokingly. the sound of her laugh making him smile too. "and well, she's my best-friend- my only friend, but sometimes...i guess i just kind of wish we were more than that...i just don't want to ruin our friendship..." he trails off, his eyes getting watery all of a sudden; if you asked him why, he'd blame it on the breeze, but he knows that the real reason was the same one for his smile, the same on for his laugh, and the very same reason for his stupid little love songs.
taesan's body tenses up when he feels a cool touch of a hand tapped against his chin, his head being forced to lift up and to face her. to face yn who seemed to have also begun tearing up. "taesan..." she says, but her voice comes out hushed. her vision begins to blur and the boy panics, unsure of what to do. "yn..." now it was his turn to press his fingers against her jaw, bringing her glossy eyes up to look into his.
"i think i might like you more than a friend"
a gasp escapes her lips. she recognizes the line from his song, she knew since last night how he felt, but for some reason she's still in shock. it was as though the night before had just been some sort of wild dream and it was now coming to life. taesan stares deeply into her eyes, analyzing the way her breathing slowed down and her eyebrows relaxed. "i..." she begins, her warm breath that smelled of coffee blowing against his nose. the boy waits patiently in anticipation, a look of hope and worry washing over his complexion.
"i think i like you too"
a single tear falls out of his eye, a sight she had never seen before. for the boy she had known all of these years never cried. yn blinks, tears of her own threatening to follow suit. his hand moves to caress her cheek, wiping away the wetness that stained it. she giggles softly, finding his touch ticklish. he copies her, breaking into a smile as he sniffles lightly, wiping away his own tear-stained face.
the confession was a lot quicker and a lot more anticlimactic than they had thought or anticipated. the pair simmering down into another moment of silence as they swung softly with the air, the cool breeze blowing against the tiny hairs on their bodies. "so...you listened to the songs, then? i mean...obviously you did" the boy breaks away from the peace, his gaze moving towards the ipod on his lap. she nods, blushing at the memory of his love song. "only the first one" yn says, her voice fading out softly. "good" now she turned to face him, head tilted to the side as she did so. "the other one isn't done yet...and it's way more embarrassing than the first one" his voice is back to normal now, the jittery-ness in his previous tone long gone. "will you show me when it's done then?" she asked, watching as he raided his brain in search for an answer. "or maybe..."
yn gets off of her swing, turning around on her heels to stand right across the boy who remained seated. taesan looks up at her confused, not a clue as to what she was going to tell him next. "maybe you could write me a new one!" she speaks brightly, "one about how the girl of your dreams, me, became the girl of your reality" she's prideful, her head facing the blue sky as she spoke. "how 'bout that?" now she looked right at him, a hopeful look in her eyes contradicting the playful smirk on her lips. the boy can only stare blankly at her, eyebrows furrowing like she was speaking a language he didn't understand. yn rolls her eyes, waving a hand in circles over his face. "hello? earth to taesan?" he shakes out of his short trance, "huh?" the exchange of words gives the pair a feeling of deja vu. she smiles softly, "i just asked you to be my boyfriend and you totally zoned out...loser" taesan tilts his head to the side.
"you...me...boyfriend..huh?!"
she laughs out loud, grabbing onto his hands and lifting him off of the creaky swing. "you, han taesan. me, myung yn. boyfriend and girlfriend" she repeats for the third time, in simpler words for his brain to digest. this time, instead of just staring at her like a confused cat, the boy grins. "wait, wait so we can be like...together now?" she groans at his question, "taesan, if you make me repeat myself again i'll toss that stupid ipod into the fish pond!" he laughs when she compains, his eyes scanning every inch of her features. the way her eyebrows twitched when she spoke, the way her eyelashes fluttered with the wind, the way her nose scrunched up and the way her pretty pink lips sat in a pout towards the bottom of her face. he must've been staring at them for a while, the girl's pout flipping into a little smirk. "what's up?" she asks, his attention returning to her eyes. "nothing...can...can i..." he never finishes the sentence, but the way his lips were parted and the way his breathing got heavier, she knew exactly what was going through his mind.
yn takes a step forward, diminishing any amount of space they had between them before. the familiar feeling of her cold fingers sent a shiver down his spine as both her hands moved up to cup his face. taesan is frozen still, letting the girl make all of the moves for him. she inhales softly before pulling him down towards her, finally coming in contact with one another. the atmosphere is stiff, the strawberry scent of her chapstick melting into his rather dry lips. the kiss lasts no longer than a second, the girl pulling away to stare in his loving eyes. regaining the consciousness that seemed to have left his body a minute ago, the boy's arms moved to wrap around her waist, pulling her into his grasp and their lips caught against each other's once more. this time, the kiss was natural and passionate. yn's arms sat around his neck, her fingers twirling against the ends of his freshly washed hair. their heads tilted in opposite directions, noses bumping as they got lost in each other's faces. slowly becoming messier and desperate as time went by. feeling a little lightheaded, the pair separate, gasping for air. his hands still placed on her hips, hers are now on his shoulders and they stopped to sink into the moment.
the air around them was warm, differing from the cool breeze that had surrounded them earlier. before long, yn's cheeks began to redden, the same shade becoming apparent on the tips of the boy's ears. avoiding eye contact, they looked away in unison, flustered giggles escaping their mouths the same way little children did when they were happy. taesan smiles brightly at her, and the girl reciprocates, the corners of her mouth dipping into little dimples against her skin.
"walk me home?" she asks suddenly, starting up conversation again. he nods, extending a hand out for her to grab before they began walking through the grass and out of the gated park. their walk was unusually quiet, but there was some sort of a comforting feeling that floated over them, hands remained intertwined the whole time, constantly stealing glances and blushing away awkwardly whenever their eyes met.
soon, they arrived at the entrance of her complex. taesan looks down at her for a moment, a hand scratching against the back of his neck that began to feel itchy. yn lets out a sigh, a frown appearing against her face. he looks at her with worried eyes, "what...what's wrong?" he stutters, though she only lets out another breath. "nothing. it's just that if i go home now, jaehyun is gonna bully me relentless about this whole thing!" the boy closes his eyes in relief, "oh, i thought something was seriously wrong-ow!" he exclaims, rubbing his forearm she just hit. "it is something seriously wrong! as my boyfriend you should be just as upset as me!!" taesan freezes at the term, a sense of shyness wrapping around his body the same way his weighted blanket did at night. yn is just as flustered, not expecting herself to say that, her attention moving to stare intently at the asphalt on the ground.
"well, as your boyfriend, what should i do then?"
his hands find home beneath her chin, lifting her pretty face up to look at him again. he looked handsome. i mean, she knew he was good looking this whole time but she swears he had never looked this...lovely before. his soft hair lazily falling against his shining eyes, his tall nose harmoniously balanced with his lips that wore a pretty smirk. "you know if you just keep staring and not giving me an answer i won't know what to do, yn" he rolls his eyes playfully, failing to hold back his laugh as he watched the ever so confident myung yn struggle with her words for what feels like the very first time ever. "i...i mean you...you should- um..." han taesan bends down slightly, pressing a spontaneous kiss against her cheek, their faces far too close and their noses almost touching.
"why don't you come over to mine? i'll show you all the other songs i wrote for you" her eyes widen at his words, "other songs? you mean you wrote MORE songs about me?!" taesan nods, his teeth showing when he smiles this time and the dimples below his eyes forming whisker-like shapes against his cheeks. "who knew emo loser taesan was such a love-sick derp" her sudden insult catches him off guard, a scoff escaping his mouth as he wraps an arm around his girlfriend, pulling her close as they cross the street.
"and who's fault is that?" he asks, the right side of his face pressed against her hair. "whats that supposed to mean? it's not my fault you fell in love with someone as great and amazing as me!" she rolls her eyes, leaning onto the side of his chest as they walked in the opposite direction of her neighbourhood and towards the bus stop. taesan laughs, "well that's just it! when you're so great and amazing like that, i guess i just..." yn looks up at him, interested in what her boyfriend was going to say next.
"i just...can't help falling in love"
the end.
โเฑจเงหโกห
i want an emo love-sick derpy taesan โน๏ธ this is the end of my short series <3 i hope u guys liked it!!! and liked the lyrics i wrote for this and the last part too hehehehe ๐โโ๏ธ reblogs n feedbacks are always appreciated!!!! tysm for reading, lmk what u thought ๐งธ love, kona :3
#kona's work โก#boynextdoor#boynextdoor drabbles#boynextdoor imagines#boynextdoor x reader#taesan#taesan x reader#boynextdoor taesan#bnd taesan#han dongmin#han taesan#bnd x reader
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nothing to lose
pairing: jay park x fem!reader
summary: after a hockey party, a football game, and a near perfect first kiss, jay is humbled by his (practically silent) friend sunghoon, who reminds him that he has nothing to lose.
genres: university / college au, friends (uni crushes) to lovers, smut, fluff
warnings: minors dni, vaguely (very?) british undertones..
word count: 24,064 .. sorry.
playlist: awkward sza, do you like me? daniel caesar
author's note: please just be nice to me and let me know your thoughts (positive / negative / anything as long as ur not mean abt it) .. thank u @asahicore my rock, my bestie, my beta reader .. <333 hope u enjoy !!!
When you pair his kind eyes and charming smile with his ever-positive outlook on life, itโs easy to see why Park Jongseong is heavily popular amongst the student body; even described by your flatmates (and the rest of his fan club) as the stuff of dreams. And in your dreams, you know exactly why heโs staring in your direction with a sweet smile on his face. In real life, however, you have absolutely no idea and itโs kind of weird. Not his smile itself, no, his smile is.. really pretty, but itโs kind of weird in the sense that itโs directed at you.ย
You think.ย
Most of the libraryโs population sits across the room in the computer lab and based on your seat, at an empty table, in the (also empty) far corner, heโs either smiling at you or at the wall that your head is resting on. Itโs not until the two of you lock eyes that you feel you should smile back, though your brows knit together at the way he whips his head around in the other direction when you do โ a move that seems out of character for the Park Jongseong that you know. Or rather, the Park Jongseong Jay that you knew.
The Jay you knew was a (more than) pleasant enough guy who grinned in a way that pushed a dimple into his cheek every time he got to class and sidled his way through the aisle to sit in the seat next to you. The very first time he did it heโd mistaken you for someone else, his smile faltering slightly as he sat down anyway, a large hand extended to you.
โJay,โ he introduced himself, nodding thoughtfully when you told him your name and holding on to your hand for a split second longer than what was comfortable. And even though it was clear that heโd been sitting in the wrong seat, at Na Jaeminโs end-of-year party months later, you acted shocked when he told you about how heโd forgotten to put his contacts in that morning. Nonetheless, he continued sitting next to you in that class for the rest of the semester.
From your current seat in the library, you watch him curiously, wondering if he might look over again. For two minutes, he leans against a shelf in the reference section, completely unaware of his audience (you) as he types on his phone. You canโt take your eyes off him until the sudden vibration of your phone startles you, your hand reaching for it immediately thinking (hoping?) it might be a text from him.
yj: hockey mixer tnย
yj: what are you guys wearingย
You feel relieved to see that itโs just Yunjin in the group chat, though, as you read the messages, you struggle not to roll your eyes seeing that she (captain of the hockey team) is still trying to convince you (non-member of the hockey team) to go to the hockey mixer. By the looks of things, the field hockey team is the last to take advantage of the space that the student union building has to offer. Functioning as a nightclub over the weekend (and on select weeknights), The U is the place to be if youโre looking for a good time for a good price.
Unlike the other club parties, tonightโs hockey mixer is Yunjinโs answer to concerns raised by members of the studentsโ union about binge drinking on campus. According to her: โA mixer is an informal gathering where people mingle, interact, and get to know each other. And a party is,โ she paused, fixing her eyes on the ceiling as if waiting for divine inspiration to strike. โFun.โ She didnโt seem pleased when you asked if this meant that the mixer would be boring and eventually confessed that the hockey party would be a mixer in name only.
You lock your phone without responding and lift your gaze back to references only to find that Jay is gone; stuck to the part of the bookshelf he was leaning on, you notice a lopsided poster featuring two crossed field hockey sticks and a ball over a green gradient, and a chill runs down your spine. If Yunjin is one thing, sheโs bad at graphic design persistent.ย
Unfortunately, in all your time spent not working, you find that your laptop hasnโt begun doing your research paper for you, and the Google Doc looks exactly the same as it did when you last edited it one hour ago, with only the intro from the UNโs Sustainable Development Goals website pasted into it. In the bottom left corner of your screen, a white box tells you that itโs 467 words long, and, feeling a rare bout of motivation, you get to work paraphrasing and attempting to condense the text.
As morning turns into afternoon, the library starts to get busier and busier, and despite the low hum of several different conversations creeping in through your earphones, youโve gotten into a flow with your work and donโt let anything distract you. That is until Jay himself lets his backpack thud onto the table across from you, brows raising a little at the sudden noise, before pulling out the chair and sitting down.ย
โNeed a study buddy?โ he asks, a tentative hand on the zipper of his jacket.ย
You take a moment to observe him; the way he asked to join you after having already joined you, settling into the seat before youโd had a chance to say anything. A part of you wants to say โno,โ just to see how he reacts, but, with a smile on your face, you take out your earphones and say, โSure.โย
A grin spreads over his lips as he mumbles the word sweet, shrugging off the oversized coat and letting it drape over the back of his chair, revealing a chunky pair of headphones sitting around his neck and a thin gold chain with a hook pendant on it. His dark hair sits flat on his forehead and he rakes a hand through it twice before taking a textbook out of his bag. He doesnโt touch it, though. Instead, he lets his elbows rest on the table in front of him, biceps flexing slightly under his sleeves as he crosses his forearms. โWhat are you working on?โ he asks.
โA report on the integration of renewable technology in buildings, for my sustainable development class.โย
Jay hums, brows raising slightly. โRenewable tech like solar panels and shit, right?โย
โRight.โย
Another grin, pretty, sincere. โItโs cool youโre getting to learn about the stuff you care about,โ he tells you, and even if you hadnโt been looking at him, youโd have been able to hear the smile in his voice, light, sweet. Jay is sweet. The statement trickled out of his mouth so simply, so casually, a small detail that you have to rack your brain to recall sharing with him; still just as attentive as you remember. โReally.โ
โYeah,โ you nod, smiling too. โExactly.โย
Thereโs a distinct comfort that rolls off of Jay in waves as the two of you chat, and the scene feels familiar. Itโs reminiscent of the nights youโd spend together last term, at a table like this one with the notes from your shared Property Law lecture sprawled out in front of you while pretending to study. The two of you would find anything else to talk about, and constantly received dirty looks from the laughter youโd struggle to stifle.ย
Itโs not until Jay reaches for his textbook that you properly check it out, and as a non-fashion student, youโre not expecting to know what subject heโs studying but youโre pretty sure that Nutrition, Energy, and Human Performance are not part of his curriculum. โExcercise Physiology?โ you ask, reading its title.
โI picked it up earlier for Sunghoon. Heโs at the rink all morning,โ he nods.
โSo why are you studying it?โ
Jay laughs, shifting in his seat. โItโs, like, the only thing I have in my backpack. I just came over here โcause I wanted to say hey.โย
It takes everything in you not to say โawwโ out loud; his sweetness palpable, his smile contagious, and his eyes so bright and warm that your heart soars in your chest when you look at them. โHey,โ you say after a beat.ย
โHey,โ he chuckles. โHow was your break?โย
โIt was good! I went home for a week, or so, and then I got bored and came back to hang out with Chaewon,โ you tell him, grinning despite yourself at the memory of poorly mixed cocktails and days spent lounging by the pool at her familyโs holiday home. โ85% of the summer was just us running around being stupid.โย
โAnd the other 15?โย
You feel more than a little awkward about telling him that you spent the other 15% fooling around with Jaemin, so with a forced smile you tell him, โJust more running around being stupid.โ Hopefully, he canโt sense your mild discomfort and thinks youโre scratching your neck because itโs itchy and not because of the slight guilt you feel. โHow was yours?โย
โMinus Chaewon, I had, like, the exact same break.โ He pauses, breaking out into the widest grin youโve ever seen. โOh, and I went to the Yuuri show! It was crazy.โ He runs a hand through his hair, sitting up a little straighter in his seat. โI was gonna text you but I didnโt wanna bother you during break or anything.โย
โOh,โ you say, dragging the vowel. โRight. So youโre bothering me during term time instead?โ You tease, though with the way Jayโs eyes widen and his brows knit together, it doesnโt seem like heโs caught on to your joking tone. โIโm kidding, tell me all about it,โ you add as quickly as you can manage, a huge smile on your face.ย
Relief washes over you as Jay laughs, his shoulders shaking, and his nose crinkling, showing off the scar across its bridge that youโve come to like so much. After calming down, he watches you carefully, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. โRight,โ he finally says, taking a breath before talking with excitement and at great length about the concert.ย
But it isnโt without slight interruption: Jayโs phone vibrates against the table a few times, and he ignores it, eventually turning it on do not disturb before squinting at you. โYouโre not allowed to laugh. Pinky promise me you wonโt laugh.โ He holds his hand out to you, wagging his pinky finger in your face. Thereโs a smile on his lips when you link your finger with his, his skin rough against your own when he squeezes your pinky. As much as his tight grip is starting to hurt, you (unsuccessfully) fight off a smile when you realise that the two of you are effectively holding hands.ย
โIโm not gonna laugh,โ you promise.
A beat passes before Jay lets out a chuckle. โThatโs my girl,โ he says, voice low as if he didnโt want you to hear him. You wish you didnโt hear him.ย
When you try to let go, he doesnโt budge, only easing up a little so heโs not cutting off your circulation anymore; just holding it lightly with his. Across the table from you, struggling to meet your eyes, Jay wears a sheepish look. โHe threw his pick out into the crowd at the end of the show, and I caught it!โ he tells you, looking away. โAnd I cried..โ His voice thins out into practically nothing though you think you hear the words โhome,โ and โHeeseung,โ before he stops talking completely.ย
Jayโs sentimental side has tugged at your heart for as long as youโve known him, and given the way heโd sobbed quietly in his seat at the cinemas when youโd gone out to watch a late showing of Spider-Man 2 together, you find it easy to imagine him welling up over catching Yuuriโs guitar pick.ย
For some reason, much like the tears heโd shed over Peter Parker, you find the thought quite cute, and a smile teases at the corners of your mouth as you make a mental note to finally listen to some Yuuri songs later on. Jay looks at you expectantly, and before you have the chance to speak his phone starts to ring, vibrating incessantly against the table, though Jay doesnโt take his eyes off of you.ย
โDo you need to get that?โ you ask, unable to suppress the snort that makes its way out.ย
Jay shakes his head. โYou promised me. Youโre still promising me,โ he says, lips curving into a frown as he makes a show of waving your still-linked hands.ย ย
โNo, itโs cute that you cried.โย
He seems shocked by this. โReally?โย
โA little.โย
His mouth falls open in a silent gasp as he furrows his brows at you. โA liโโ Heโs cut off by his phone vibrating once again, and he releases your pinky to check it. Jay sighs lightly, reading the messages from his screen and picking up the textbook. โSorry, Hoonโs on my ass about this thing. I gotta go.โย
Disappointment weighs lightly on your shoulders at his words, though you do feel better when you see the little pout on his lips, hoping that it means he doesnโt want your conversation to end either. โI get it,โ you say, shooting him a smile that you hope is convincing as he puts the book in his bag before pulling his jacket back on, and standing up from his seat.ย
โIโll text you,โ he says cheerfully, waving at you before leaving. He looks over his shoulder a few moments later, waving again with the same smile from earlier on his face.ย
You canโt help but watch as he retreats, captivated by the air of confidence he somehow exudes even without showing his face, until he disappears into the mix of students by the entrance, becoming just another bag and shoulders in the crowd.ย
Without Jay to chat to, the idea of sitting in the library becomes jarring, and suddenly itโs time for you to leave too. You donโt hesitate to grab your phone when it vibrates twice next to you, an odd combination of the relief from earlier and slight disappointment hitting you when you see that itโs Yunjin โ texting you directly this time.ย
yj: if you wanna ignore me turn off read receiptsย
yj: open bar for girls on the team
you: sounds like the hockey girls are gonna have a good night
yj: iโll get you a jacket
you: donโt bother iโm not going.ย
SWANG rattles through tinny speakers in the student union and with every free drink you knock back, it gets harder and harder to pretend to Yunjin that youโre not having a good time. The team jacket she snagged for you and Chaewon to share fits a little big over your shoulders as you conclude that Number 20 is a lot more popular than you thought if the vaguely disappointed look on many faces when they see your face is anything to go by.ย
Sitting in a booth towards the back of The U, you and Yunjin mumble along to the song with a shot in each hand as she starts a countdown from 3! and you wonder whether or not youโll be able to make it to class in the mornโ2!โing given how much youโve had to drink and how much of the night is still left to happen 1! The formerly rancid tequila goes down like water the first time around, and gets caught in your throat the second time.ย
โIโm so happy you came tonight!โ she yells in your ear, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, choosing to gush while you cough into the crook of your elbow. โI always have the most fun with you but you never come out.โ Her drunkenness is evident in the slightly higher pitch that her words take on and the way most of the consonants come out almost the same way the vowels do.ย
As sweet as sheโs being, you canโt ignore the alarms blaring in your head hearing that your best friend would describe going out (at least) two nights a week as โneverโ going out, but you chuckle along anyway, locking your hand with hers.ย
With a smile on his face, Lee Jeno brings Chaewon back to the booth in one piece, ruffling her hair a little before raising a hand to salute you and Yunjin, and disappearing back into the crowd.ย
โThe period at the end of that last text almost convinced us,โ she says as she takes her seat beside you. โBut I new your little crush on Jay wouldnโt let you miss a chance to see him.โ
โI donโt know what youโre talking about.โย
Chaewon rolls her eyes, backing a shot before leaning over you to get closer to Yunjin. โSheโs pretending again.โย
With a scoff, Yunjin unlocks her phone and pulls up her camera roll to an album titled with an unfortunately cute ship name. โI canโt stop thinkiโโ You cut her off, snatching the phone from her hands and placing it under your thigh.ย
โOkay, okay,โ you relent, letting your head fall back as you groan. โI may have had a.. thing for him last semester but Iโm over it now.โย
โDo you think heโll swipe up if I post a song he likes?โ Chaewon reads between laughs.ย
Flustered, you sink into your seat after hearing the text that you sent two nights ago, hoping with all your might that the booth will open up to swallow you whole.ย
To your utter devastation, it does not.ย
The universe chooses to soothe you in a different way by sending an angel Kazuha to drag you all out onto the dance floor. With intertwined hands, the four of you โexcuse meโ and โsorryโ your way over to where Sakura and her friend Mark are dancing a little closer than usual with one another.ย
His hands are on her hips as he holds her back to his front, the two of them grinding to the music, but sheโs quick to smack his hands off of her and break away from him when she sees you guys approaching. Using a hand to push hair out of her face, Sakura laughs at nothing, smacking Markโs chest playfully while he glues his eyes to the floor.ย
โWe missed you at pres,โ you say, wrapping her in a hug.ย
โRight, sorry, Mark had a thing at his place!โย
Despite understanding why she does, you ignore Chaewon when she nudges you at the mention of Mark and his place before hugging him too, agreeing when he says that you guys should come next time.ย
The six of you form a circle after greeting one another, jumping around while yelling obnoxiously to the music blaring into your ears. Over Markโs shoulder, you see Jay nodding at a friend before leaving the cluโโIโm actually gonna go get some air,โ you blurt out. โAlone!โ you add before Yunjin can offer to come with.ย
Despite the way the breeze nips at your legs, the fresh air is a welcome slap in the face when it hits you; the previously ear-splitting music reduced to a pathetic mumble now that youโre outside. A few girls that you recognise from some of your classes stand opposite the, now short, entry queue, waving you towards them and blowing cigarette smoke over their shoulders. You shake your head when they offer you a draw, though (against your better judgement) you do accept a few hits of a polar menthol flavoured juul while chatting distractedly about your โnew spotโ on the hockey team and trying to find Jay โ which doesnโt take you very long.
Not too far from where youโre standing, he leans against the buildingโs grey brick while looking at his phone. Its OLED display casts a slight glow over his features, showing off the crease of his brow, the slope of his nose, and the tiny little pout set on his lips as he types.ย
You canโt help but stare as Jimin and Minjeong plan the rest of their night, which includes afters at Yizhuoโs if she doesnโt pass out, and extend an invitation to you and your friends โ โI mean, weโre still gonna go. Sheโll probably need us more if she does,โ Minjeong says, stubbing out a cigarette under her shoe before both girls head inside.ย
Waving goodbye, you let yourself find Jay again and take a deep breath. For a moment, you attempt to strategise in the way you and the girls always do together. A few possibilities play out in your head and right when you think youโve found a good openerโโHello!โ You find yourself saying as you stumble walk over to him.
As youโve come to expect, his mouth curves into a smile when he looks up at you. โHello,โ he says, laughing through the word. In the short time it takes you to reach him, and lean about an armโs length away on the same wall, he slips his phone into his jacket pocket. โSince when are you a hockey girl?โย
With a smile of your own, you roll up your left sleeve to refer to a watch that youโre not wearing. โItโs been a few hours.โ
Jayโs teeth press down on his bottom lip as he chuckles, before mumbling an apology and pulling his phone back out. You donโt mean to peek at his screen when he opens the messages app, but you do anyway. And canโt help but feel bad at the sight of your name at the top of the second message thread โ the memory of Yunjin taking your phone so you couldnโt text back forcing your stomach to turn a little.ย
Lifting your gaze back up to him, you sort of hate how pretty he looks as he ruffles his hair before putting his phone back in his pockโYou turn your head immediately, finding sudden interest in the lamp post that irregularly flickers a pale yellow over his shoulder. For a split second, it seems like you managed to stare at him without being caught, but if the little laugh he lets out is anything to go by, your neck jerk wasnโt as subtle as youโd hoped.ย
โYouโre cute,โ he grins, stepping a little closer. โIt suits you.โ
Itโs a struggle to backtrack and remember what the two of you were even talking about as the faint scent of his cologne hits your nostrils. โF-field hockey?โ you offer.ย
โThe jacket,โ he clarifies, a sweet laugh slipping past his lips as he speaks.ย
โOhh, you too.โ
He cocks his head to the side. โYou think this suits me?โย
His hand comes to one side of his denim jacket, holding it out slightly and allowing you to catch a proper whiff of his cologne and a glimpse of his bare shoulder. You worry a little about what might come out of your mouth if you open it, deciding for everyoneโs sake just to nod and pray that heโll leave the damn jacket alone.ย
โItโd probably look better on you.โย
An audible smile tugs at your lips. โNo way.โ You shake your head, trying and failing to keep your giggles to yourself.
โYou wanna prove me wrong?โ
With a tilt of your head, you turn the offer around in your mind; a pros and cons list starting to take shape.ย
Pros: getting to wear Jayโs jacket, having an almost permanent reason to keep chatting with him throughout the night, and getting to see Jay in a vest โ arguably the biggest pro of them all, given the amount of IG stories heโs posted in the gym recently.
Con: losing free drinks privileges; which doesnโt really seem like a huge deal because Chaewon can just wear the hockey jacket and get drinks for you like sheโs been doing for half of the night so far.ย
Under the weight of Jayโs stare, you shift on your feet, realising that heโs clearing his throat for the second time since he stopped speaking and you still haven't said anything. โBut then Iโd have to pay for my drinks,โ you say in an attempt not to seem too eager. The words slur a bit on their way out, though youโre too caught up in the way Jayโs lips tug into a grin to fuss over it.ย
โNot if you stick wiโโ He stops short, cut off by a voice from a few metres away. โJongsaaaaaaeeeeeeng!โ it yells. And if not for his silver head of hair, youโd never have believed it was Park Sunghoon screaming like that.ย
โPoor guy kept icing himself,โ Lee Heeseung calmly explains, walking ahead of Sunghoon and, what looks like, Sim Jake whoโve been giggling with one another since the cry left the youngerโs mouth.ย
Despite not knowing Sunghoon very well, from what youโve heard about him, itโs easy to imagine him hiding bottles of Smirnoff Ice to ice one of his friends, only to lose track of where heโd put them and find them himself later on, thinking one of his friends was icing him. The thought makes you stifle your laughter; you like the fact that Jay laughs too.ย
Before dapping Jay up, Heeseung offers him the confiscated Smirnoff Ice that Sunghoon had made quite a dent in, only shrugging when he declines. Jay watches as his friend wraps an arm around your shoulder in a polite side hug while asking if you want to finish the โsmiceโ. You let a beat pass before telling him that youโll think about it.ย
For a while, you listen as he fills Jay in on what he missed at pres, smiling at Jake and Sunghoon as they get closer, and wondering when it would be appropriate if at all, to introduce yourself to the three boys that youโve only ever walked by at parties or on campus. You find a window when the two arrive, waving a little when you tell them your name.ย
Jakeโs lips curve into what looks like a smirk as he looks over at you. โWe know,โ he says, eyes darting quickly over to Jay before looking back at you.
Sunghoon says nothing.ย
The boys are quick to get back to their conversation, and Heeseung glances in Jayโs direction, nodding his head before making a show of unscrewing the cap on the smice and skying it. After an impressive chug, he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, holding up the empty bottle like a trophy before putting it in the bin.ย
With a slight frown, you realise that you didnโt even get to tell him that you didnโt want it.ย
Thereโs a grin on his face as he wraps his arms around Jake and Sunghoonโs shoulders. โSee you guys in there!โ he says before guiding the two boys away and into the club.
With the two of you on your own again, you become hyperaware of your proximity, of the fact that if you moved your hand even a centimetre it would brush his. The heat from his body is dizzying, and with his body leaning down towards you, Jay is already watching you when you look up at him. His lips rest in a small smile that only widens at the sight of your face, seeming unbothered that youโd caught him staring. That it wouldnโt take much to bridge the gap between your faces. Between your lips.ย ย
โThe offer still stands,โ he says. โTo wear my jacket and drink for free.โย
A somewhat familiar 808 beat rattles through tinny speakers in the student union.Jayโs jacket fits pretty big over your shoulders as you try not to say anything ridiculous while he holds your hand, leading you through the crowd. Now that your hands are actually clasped, the butterflies youโd felt over having linked fingers for a pinky promise seem silly, completely eclipsed by the feeling of your heart clattering against your ribs. After every few steps, he looks over his shoulder at you, your cheeks burning hotter and hotter with each smile he throws your way.
Upon your return to the booth, you drop the team jacket in Chaewonโs lap, praying that your friends wonโt say anything about Jay or the fact that youโre wearing his jacket โ or the fact that despite having reached your friends safely the two of you are still holding hands. By the looks of things it seems as though telling her to move up isnโt enough of a signal to her that youโd like to sit down; though maybe sheโs just too busy trying to shrug the jacket back on to move up. You tell yourself that sheโs just too busy trying to shrug the jacket back on to move up.ย
Chaewon wears a wicked grin on her face, making no effort to be discreet about staring at your intertwined fingers. โYN? Why arenโt you dancing? You love this song!โ she says, opening her mouth to wink obnoxiously at you and nudging Yunjin.
โI donโt know this song,โ you say, liking the way Jay laughs beside you, squeezing your hand a little.ย
For reasons unbeknownst to you, Yunjin sees this as the best opportunity to chime in, tilting her head before saying, โWhaaaaaaat? This is your favourite song! Trust me, Jay, she loves this song!โย
โAnd sheโs such a good dancer,โ Chaewon adds. โHave you seen her dance, Jay?โย
You stand around dumbly, mouthing the word โstop,โ at your friends and leaning up towards Jay when he leans down to you. โHow about a drink?โ he asks with a voice as smooth as velvet, soft lips grazing the shell of your ear.ย
โPlease.โย
After telling the girls that youโll be back, and flipping them off with your free hand, you let Jay lead you back through the dance floor to the bar, letting an elbow rest on its surface. When you look at him, heโs watching you, his lips quirked up ever so slightly while he does so.ย
Letting your nails drum against the bar, you smile back. โSorry about my friends,โ you say, unsure as to why youโre apologising but feeling like itโs the right thing to say.ย
โSorry about your friends?โ Jay asks. He grins. โSorry about mine.โ
You want to tell him that you liked his friends, that they seemed nice. Even though Sunghoon didnโt speak, and Heeseung finished the drink he offered you before you even had a chance to let him know that you wanted it. But heโs already distracted.ย
His eyes scan the bottles that line the shelves behind the bar, and you busy yourself doing the same thing, the sight of almost every rum brand bringing up memories of past nights out with your friends. Two palm trees on a white bottle of โMarkLeebuโ leave you suppressing your laughter as you think about Sakuraโs friend falling asleep - standing up - against the wall of a club after drinking two bottles of Malibu to himself on a dare.ย
Jayโs breath fans your ear when he speaks, โWhat are you having?โย
โA jรคger bomb.โย
With a nod, he orders your drink and a whiskey for himself, and as per his suggestion, the two of you toast โto third yearโ before drinking.ย
Jay makes good on his promise. One shot becomes two becomes three, and a cocktail in a comically large pitcher before you wake up the next morning to Sakura hogging the duvet, and no memory of anything beyond sitting down at the bar.ย
While lying on your back you curse two versions of yourself: the first for leaving the window open before you left, and the second for having so much to drink. Staring up at the ceiling, you attempt to go over your interactions with Jay using a fine-tooth comb to figure out just how badly you humiliated yourself last night. Given the fact that you donโt remember what happened after 1 a.m. (or so), this doesnโt take too long, and the corners of your lips quirk up into a smile as you think about the way his hand felt in yours.ย
Your memory tells you that he smiled a lot, but this seems like an insignificant detail because Jay always smiles a lot. There was a pitcher. A big one. Inside it was a vibrant, sweet, too cheap to be true cocktail that you sipped, blinked, and opened your eyes to find yourself in bed. The unaccounted-for period fills you with a visceral sense of dread, leaving you unsure if you shiver because of the temperature in your room or out of sheer embarrassment.ย
The notifications you find on your phone only make you feel more nervous, so you cover your eyes with your hand before checking them. You were mentioned in Chaewonโs Instagram story (which means you behaved catastrophically), and you have a text from Jay (which .. well youโre not quite sure what to make of this). Through the gap in your fingers, you start by looking at the story, uncontrollable butterflies in your stomach from what you see. A picture (on close friends) of you sitting in Jayโs lap with his arms wrapped around your wairs, and his chin resting on your shoulder; the two of you donning wide grins with THESE TWOOOOOOO ๐๐๐ written over it.ย
Jayโs text is simple yet sweet: hope u got home okay, was realy nice getting to chill w u again <3. You donโt even realise that youโre giggling until Sakura stirs next to you.ย
you: i did thank uuuuuuu
you: sorry if i was weird though hahaย
You say. Although all things considered, you canโt really think of anything to be haha-ing about but Jayโs reply comes so quickly that you barely have the time to dwell on this fact. โNahhhh you were so cute dw,โ he texts back.ย
With your stomach doing somersaults, you turn over in the bed, burying your head in the pillow to muffle a squeal.
Sakura wakes up.ย
While in the shower, you let the water hit you directly in the face for a bit with your eyes screwed tightly shut under the stream. And not a single thought occurs to you other than how cute Jay seems to think you are.ย
jay: do you have class today
you: slept in
jay: L
jay: for me.. i wanted to see you againย ย
Your jaw falls open as you read the message, and over your shoulder, Yunjin lets out the gasp that you hadnโt been able to. โOh, my God!โ she says, watching as a cheek-aching smile creeps up on your lips. A small celebration ensues while the two of you squeal and kick your feet like children. And then your phone vibrates again.
jay: could still link if ur down?
jay: hold upย
Yunjin pulls air through her teeth. โCould still link if youโre down,โ she reads before taking the phone from your hand. โFuckboy text, ignore.โย
Knowing youโre not likely to win the argument that Jayโs not a fuckboy โ even though heโs not one, you think โ you roll your eyes. โSo what if heโs a fuckboy?โ you frown, pulling your knees to your chest.ย
โIf a fuckboy was supposed to be liked heโd be called a like boy,โ Yunjin says as if reciting scripture. โText Jaemin back if you want a fuckboy.โย
You donโt mean to groan out loud at her tone. โJaeminโs not a fuckboy, heโs just.. a guy. Who.. likes to fuck.โย
The sound of the front door opening prompts you to pause the TV, and the two of you crane your necks towards the open doorway to hear whatโs going on. Itโs Chaewon giggling loudly before speaking.ย
โThanks for bringing me home.โย
A deep chuckle sounds through the hall. Jeno. Of course. โYouโre my girl,โ he says and his smile is audible through his words. โWhy wouldnโt I?โย
Chaewon giggles at this too, and, pressing play on the remote, you share a look with Yunjin as you hear the beginning of a wet kiss. Brooklyn Nine-Nine gets through an entire cold open and the theme song before she โ looking fresher than ever in her boyfriendโs sweatpants โ joins you both on the couch.ย
โWhatโd I miss?โ she asks.ย
โYunjin thinks Jayโs a fuckboy.โย
Chaewon lets out a snort. โWell, yeah, anyone couldโve told you that, dudeโs best friend is Lee Heeseung,โ she says, though quickly changes her tune as if remembering her audience. โItโs all just rumours though, people see a good-looking guy whoโs overly friendly and flirts with everybody, and posts obvious thirst traps to his Snapchat story, and just assume heโs a fuck boy..โ she trails off, sinking a little in her seat.
Somewhat disheartened, you nod your head. โRight.โย
โSo what did I miss?โ Chaewon asks again, pointing at the TV this time.ย
Still in Yunjinโs custody, your phone vibrates in her lap and she gasps as she reads the screen. โA reformed fuck boy?โ she says, holding the phone up for you and Chaewon to read.ย
jay: would you like to hang out with me later?ย
You grin despite yourself, reading the message and reading it again before telling him โyesโ, and later canโt come soon enough. The time slips by like molasses and you finally meet up with Jay -four decades- two hours later, with no set plan, at the library where he approaches you with Jake and a smile on his face.ย
Friendly as ever, Jake chats with you and keeps a pretty smile on his lips the whole time. โIf you ever have a hard time with physics or math based classes, Iโve got you,โ he offers, clearly happy to hear that youโre in STEM too.ย
โIโll keep that in mind,โ you tell him, grateful as you remember the tears youโd shed over a Construction Mathematics lecture last year.ย
With a wave, Jake leaves the two of you alone, saying โSee you laterโ before walking away. He excitedly glances over his shoulder to where you stand with Jay a few times.ย
After telling you that he โknows a spot,โ Jay takes you on a bit of a walk, successfully distracting you from the distance by keeping you talking. He listens enthusiastically while you ramble about a show you started, and you like the feeling in your chest when he says heโll check it out.ย
With a โta-da,โ Jay extends an arm to the gate in front of you. A play park. โWeโre here!โ he says, struggling to mask the excitement in his voice as he walks towards the empty play area. โItโs no fun when thereโs kids here so I brought us the long way.โย
As you follow him through the gate, you canโt help but feel a bit nervous. The last time youโd been sober at a play park you were probably 15 or so, cutting through the park on your walk home from school with your friends. Youโd spin the roundabout at lightspeed cackling at the screams of terror coming from those sitting on it, and talk about your crushes while calming down on the swings.ย
Jay sits on one of the swings and watches you, and even though youโre not too sure what to talk about, youโre pretty sure confessing your crush on him as you sit next to him might send him running in the opposite direction. Instead, you clear your throat and look over at him. โSo your โspotโ is a play park?โ you ask, using your feet to rock you back and forth.ย
He pulls air through his teeth, scrunching his nose and tilting his head. โWould you prefer it if I took you to CP in the Sky?โย
If Jay had his car with him, you might have hoped for that. Most of the boys in your city who drive, including Jaemin, have been known to take girls to a spot they know. Super quiet, private, and almost as pretty as you, theyโll say, and take you up to โCar Park in the Skyโ; the cityโs most notorious hook-up spot. Though, Jaemin hadnโt exactly been secretive about wanting to hook up and actually only drove there after youโd told him about it.ย
You shake your head. โThe park is good, itโs great.โย
Conversation ebbs and flows between the two of you, the sounds of nature and the swings creaking keeping you company. Itโs nice spending time with Jay like this. Sober. And not holed up in the library or a cafe with assignments and deadlines on your mind.ย
You donโt mean to gain momentum but you do, swinging about as high as you can, gasping when you see a car over the top of a climbing frame.ย
โWhat is it?โ he asks, laughing to himself when you jump off the swing.ย
โI wanna take a drive!โ you call out over your shoulder, jogging over to the wooden stationary car you saw.
Jayโs footsteps sound after yours, and he grabs you by the wrist before you climb into the driverโs side. โDid you get your licence yet?โย
You shake your head, watching as his mouth falls open, bracing yourself for a lecture on how a girl of your age should be driving already.ย
He looks aghast, in genuine distress before he speaks. โWhat makes you think Iโm gonna let you drive?โ Jay nods his head to the other side of the car. โGo.โย
Letting out the most exaggerated sigh you can manage, you comply, dragging your feet to the passenger side and climbing in. Jay follows suit, sitting down next to you on the small connected seat built with kids in mind, and his thigh presses up against yours.ย
โDonโt be upset, everyone knows passenger princess is way more fun than actually driving.โย
And rationally, you know heโs not specifically calling you a princess but your tummy turns nonetheless.ย
โWhatever,โ you mumble, faking a sigh and struggling to suppress your laughter when he buckles a fake seat belt. Jay gives you a disapproving look when you donโt move to do the same. โAre you serious?โย
โAs a heart attack,โ he says solemnly, though you can see the smile teasing at his lips. โBetter safe than sorry, thatโs what I always say.โย
Thereโs nothing behind his words, no hidden meaning but you read into them anyway, hoping he canโt hear the way you gulp at the thought that plagues you. For some reason, youโve chosen this hill to die on, shrugging at him and turning to look straight ahead.ย
Jay sighs dramatically, pinching the bridge of his nose before leaning over you to grab your โseat beltโ and buckle in by himself. He takes his time though, and the way he looks you dead in the eye makes you wish youโd just done it yourself. His face is close to yours, his breath warm against your skin, creating a welcome contrast to the cold air around you. He lingers for a beat before sitting up straight and clicking the belt into place.ย
โFinally,โ he whispers, putting an imaginary gear stick into reverse and draping his arm over the back of your connected seat. You canโt help but watch as he looks over your shoulders before moving the car, liking the way his side profile looks under the rapidly setting sun. Something stops him, he looks at you. โI canโt focus with you staring at me like that,โ he says, taking his hand from the wheel to touch your cheek.
Your breath catches in your throat. Jay grins, gently turning your face away from him. You stare over at the roundabout and feel just as dizzy as you would have if youโd taken him up on his offer to spin you on it.ย
Jay gets on with all the necessary checks before โstartingโ the car and โdrivingโ off. โWhat are you thinking about?โย
It probably wouldnโt be appropriate to tell him that youโre thinking about the way it felt when he put his fingers to your cheek. Or how gentle he was with you, only pushing you a little bit and then guiding you the rest of the way. So you keep that to yourself. โThe movies.โย
You hear Jay chuckling next to you. โAll of them?โย
โYeah,โ you nod. โThe drive-in kind. Have you been?โย
โI went once.โย
You gasp, excited. โReally? What did you see?โย
Jay thinks about it for a while. He thinks about it really hard before shaking his head, โYou know, I donโt think I was paying much attention.โย
โYou spent all that money on a ticket and didnโt even pay attention? What were you doing?โ The words rush out before you can stop them and you cringe a little thinking about the possible answers.ย
He turns his gaze back out on the road. โSleeping,โ he mumbles, swallowing thickly.ย
You wish you could go back in time to stop yourself from asking, finding an answer to the question: โIs it better to speak or to die?โย
โHey, we can go to the drive-in right now! I just need to put this thing in park and we can watch any movie you want!โ he says, stopping the car and turning as much as he can in his seat to face you. โAny movie thatโs available with a Netflix subscription!โ he adds, smiling when you do.ย
Cramped together in the front seat of the stationary car, the two of you watch The Devil Wears Prada and get about halfway through before Jayโs phone hits 10% โ and itโs probably the best movie watching experience youโve ever had.ย ย
You take Jay up on his offer to walk you home, and he chats with you about the movie, telling you how much he thinks it totally blows that Miranda Priestly isnโt a real person that he can work for after graduation, but he seems happy enough when you suggest that he could become Miranda Priestly.ย ย
Reaching the familiar crossing by the student union, you look up at him. โIf itโs easier, you can just head your way from here. I can literally see my building,โ you offer, feeling bad about him walking so far out of his way.ย
Jay scoffs like itโs the most ridiculous thing heโs ever heard. โIโm not gonna make you walk by yourself.โย
โItโs barely five minutes,โ you tell him, shaking your head. โYou donโt have to.โย
โYN?โย
โHm?โ
A pretty smile spreads across his lips. โI want to, letโs go.โ And Jay hardly gets to start telling you about his upcoming mock trial before you reach your flat.ย
โThis is me,โ you say, pointing at the door to your building.ย
He lets out a dry chuckle. โYouโre kidding.โ
You shake your head. He frowns, looking terribly cute with his lips turned down like that. Though it doesnโt last for long and he raises his brows when you gasp. โYou know, we came from a place Iโve never been before, and Iโm starting to think this might be the wrong street,โ you say, struck by the sudden realisation. โWe should probably walk around the block a couple more times, just to really be sure.โย
Listening to your words, Jay beams at you and itโs heavenly. โI heard it can actually take, like, 4 or 5 walks around the block if you want 100% certainty.โย
โOh yeah,โ you giggle. โI think Iโve heard that too. Should we make it 6?โย
โPerfect.โย
To your surprise, youโd both been wrong. As it would turn out, the required number of, very slow, walks around a student housing complex to be 100% sure, completely beyond a shadow of a doubt that youโre at the right place is ten.
โHey, uh, how about we do one more lap? Just to make sure? For the absolute best measure,โ Jay suggests, eyes twinkling under the streetlamp. He almost looks a little nervous, burying his hands in his pockets as he watches you.ย
โSounds good.โ
Just like your last few walks around the student housing block, fallen leaves rustle under your footsteps, and the back of Jayโs hand still brushes against yours, but this time feels different. Maybe because thereโs a finality to this; the last lap. You couldnโt possibly ask him to spend any more time walking around here. Could you?ย
โThis neighbourhood is so cute, all the student apartments clustered together like this, I love it,โ he says, looking over at you.
โItโs nice knowing that some of my friends, and the people I like partying with, live so close, but itโs always so noisy around here,โ you tell him, continuing when he doesnโt speak. โโCause itโs all just a bunch of 18โ20โsomethings that live here, and The Uโs just down the street. The noise is fun when Iโm part of it, but when Iโm studying or just trying to sleep itโs annoying.โย
โDonโt you think itโs kinda cool though? Thereโs always something happening. So even if the girls arenโt down to go out, youโre not exactly short on plans.โ
Youโd never really thought of it like that. Probably because Yunjin is always down to go out. But you like the way he puts it. You nod, reminded of your classmates who live in the building right next to where youโre walking. โYeah, I should probably text Minjeong more.โย
โAnd if not you can always hit me and see what Iโm doing,โ he says at the same time.ย
You stop walking, and your heart โ feels like it โ stops beating.ย
Jay, noticing this, stands in front of you, hands help up defensively as he shakes his head. โYou donโt have to do that, obviously. I just thought itโd be cool if you werenโt doing anything and I wasnโt doing anything, maybe we could link and do nothing together,โ he explains. โIโm stupid, sorry.โ
This might be the first time youโve ever heard Jay ramble like this, and your heart does a twirl just seeing his worried expression. โI think if Iโm not doing anything, and youโre not doing anything, then itโd be cool for us to link and do nothing together, Jay,โ you smile, liking the way he visibly relaxes, his shoulders falling slightly and an exhale curling out of his mouth and into the air.
โCool.โย
When, for the 11th time, you reach your building, you turn to Jay and hesitate a little, unsure of what to say. Glancing at him, it looks as though heโs feeling the same way. A silence falls over the two of you.ย
Finally, Jay speaks. โGoodnight,โ he says, pulling you into a hug.ย
Despite your surprise, you wrap your arms around his waist, holding him close. You hope he canโt feel the way your heart is racing. Or the way it starts to pick up when you catch a whiff of his scent. Warm and cosy, tempting in a strange way that you canโt quite put your finger on but you like all the same.ย
When Jay lets go of you, you look up at him almost instinctively. You donโt mean to stare at his lips but you do, gulping at how close they are. You want to kiss him. Not any more than usual, but the urge is there. โGoodnight,โ you say, taking a step back and walking up the path to the door.
Using your key fob, you unlock the door, turning to look over your shoulder and thankfully finding Jay still standing there, watching you with a stomach-turning smile on his face. โI had a really nice time tonight,โ you say, smiling back.ย
โYeah?โ
You nod. โWe should hang out more.โ
โI think so too.โย
โCool,โ you smile, biting your lip. โGoodnight, Jay.โย
โGoodnight, YN.โย
โCould you, text me? When you get home, so I know youโre, like, safe.โย
Jay beams at you, nodding his head. โOf course.โย
After a week (eleven days) of texting and hanging out with Jay when you can, you find yourself spending 3 hours of your Friday afternoon taking notes in your Sustainable Development lecture, and coming to the realisation that none of the course content is relevant to the report youโre trying to get through.ย
Seeing Jay leaning on the wall outside your class when you leave is a welcome surprise; he wears a thin pair of glasses and a smile that makes your heart stutter a bit as he stands up straighter, greeting you when he sees you and quickly falling into your step. โI meant to ask you earlier, are you going to the game on Saturday?โ A beat passes. โFootball,โ he clarifies. โFirst home game of the season.โย
โMaybe if my friends are going.โย
Jay seems to think about this for a moment as you round the corner at the end of the corridor and he holds the door to the stairwell open. โAfter you.โย
You mumble a thank you and count six steps before he speaks again.ย
โIโm going,โ Jay informs you, his hand meeting the back of his neck to scratch awkwardly at it. โI mean, Iโm gonna be on the pitch but.. Iโll be there.โย
A breathy laugh slips from your lips at this added information; how sweet of the football teamโs captain to let you know that heโll be at his teamโs football game on Saturday. โIโll keep that in mind.โย
โI just think itโd be cool to see a friendly face in the crowd when I score the winning goal.โย
Given Jayโs unending kindness, you imagine that most of the faces in the crowd โ or at least the ones from your uni โ will be friendly, especially if he scores the winning goal. The thought causes a smile to itch at your lips as you consider that maybe he means that itโd be cool to see your friendly face in the crowd. And who could say no to that?ย
The rest of the conversation goes smoothly and Jay slows down when you reach the second floor. โI have some admin shit to work out, but Iโll see you at the game?โ he asks, watching you with hopeful eyes and chewing on his bottom lip.
Knowing full well that youโll be there, you pretend to think about it for a moment. โMaybe.โ
Jay chuckles at this, tilting his head. โPlease?โย
โMaybe,โ you repeat, despite already planning your outfit. Did you wash your white shirt or will you be doing laundry tonight? You wave at Jay when he waves and make your way down the rest of the stairs while clicking mindlessly through Instagram stories.ย
Nothing interests you until you reach IG user onyourm__ark's story; a picture of IG user 39saku_chan in his football jersey. You hit the like button and pretend to believe that the song choice (Infrunami by Steve Lacy) was made purely out of sheer enjoyment of the artistโs early work.
With a smile on your face, you text the group chat to solidify your weekend plans.
you: are u going to the football game tmrw
cw: not even if u paid me
yj: hard no
yj: iโm going to the party AFTER the game though
yj: why?
you: itโs nothing dw
cw: ???
you: jay invited me..
The chill of Octoberโs first evening is unkind on your face as you sit amongst the rowdiness of drunk uni kids, cheering and groaning in unison as the game trudges on, and somehow Kazuha manages to sleep through it all with her head on your shoulder.ย
โFuuuuck,โ Yunjin groans, shivering in the seat next to you. โI hate sports.โย
โSays the captain of the hockey team,โ you say, voice coming out muffled behind the top of your jacket.
โPlaying and watching are, like, completely different.โย
Youโre sure Yunjinโs right, she has to be, but you have to admit that thereโs something more than slightly entertaining about watching a group of boys chasing a ball around and yelling expletives at one another, all while number 99 keeps a huge grin on his face, laughing at his teammateโs temper. Or lack thereof.ย
However, the novelty wears off at around 8:45 when the ref calls for half-time; a chill runs down your spine as youโre struck with the realisation that university football games are full-length. But other than Yunjinโs teasing, thereโs no use pretending that you hate the sight of Jay lifting the bottom of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face.
As the players retreat from the pitch and some students start to clear the stands, Yunjin gets up to stretch. She hums along to the song playing while you watch from your seat with aching knees, slightly envious and trying not to move too much and wake up Kazuha who sleeps soundly on your shoulder.ย
With her arms above her head, Yunjin lets out a yawn. โI canโt believe Iโm saying this but Iโd really rather be doing a reading for marketing than be here any longer.โ
โAnd Iโd rather be helping you out,โ you say, frowning a little when Kazuha stirs. โHey, what do you think they do during half-time?โ you ask distractedly.ย
She thinks about it for a beat, eyes flicking to the pitch before looking back to you. โWe usually strategise, use the bathroom, get water โ quick things like that,โ she says, raking a hand through her hair, watching as you shift a little in your seat to get your phone from your pocket when it vibrates. โThey have a lot longer than we do though.โย
jay: are you having fun?
you: yeah you guys are great, good game so far :)
Yunjin scrunches up her nose as she reads the exchange. โGod, youโre so boring,โ she sighs, taking the phone from your hands, and typing something before showing the screen to you.ย
โWe should link at the party later,โ you read, scoffing as you take it back and delete the message. โIโd never say that.โ In those words.ย
jay: hahaha i think you might be my good luck charmย
A dramatic gasp comes from a now-awake Kazuha. โDonโt reply!โย
You heed this advice, joining her as she stands up to stretch as well.ย
โLook how much fun theyโre having,โ Kazuha sighs, pointing over at Sakura and Chaewon in their seats close to the pitch. They dance along to the music blaring through the speakers and laugh so loudly you can hear them despite their distance. โWhy didnโt we join them?โย
You think about it for a bit, filled with regret. โAt the time, pregaming before the game and then pregaming again before the party seemed intense but..โ you trail off, watching your friends clutch their stomachs in laughter. โNext time.โย
โNext time,โ Kazuha repeats, slouching in her seat. โIโm clearing your drink supply when we get back.โ Thereโs a frown on her face when she speaks but sheโs quick to perk up at the sound of your text tone, grabbing the phone for herself.ย
jay: are you coming tn? got a feeling that congrats will be in order
you (technically kazuha): wouldnโt miss it !!!ย
โThree exclamation points? Iโm not that desperate,โ you say defensively, nudging her in the ribs.ย
As if on cue, Yunjin reads another text. โI saw his notes again, his handwriting is so cute and ugly, agh Iโm literally clutching my chest, heโs perfect,โ she says, her voice high-pitched and mocking.ย
Hearing your typed words out loud from someone elseโs mouth is troubling, especially because โIt never seems that bad when Iโm typing,โ you frown, immediately checking your phone when it goes off.ย
jay: awesome :) see u thereย
jay: !!!
The gameโs second half goes by much quicker and in the end, they lose 5-3, leaving you and Yunjin struggling to keep your laughter to yourselves at the sight of the FIRST W OF THE SEASON banner hanging up in the living room of the house that most of the footballers share. With linked arms, the two of you make your way to the kitchen to get something to drink. Already feeling the buzz from pregaming, you settle on a cup of lemonade which Yunjin rolls her eyes at.ย
โShut up,โ you say, eyeing her over the rim of your cup.ย
Yunjin holds her hands up defensively, spilling a few drops of her tequila-vodka concoction. โI didnโt even say anything.โ For a couple of minutes, you pretend to listen as Yunjin tries to come up with a game plan for the night, nodding and humming along when she pauses, and trying to decipher the animal code names sheโs using. A gasp. โI see him! Black cat and penguin sitting out on the half wall.โย
You watch as she leans over the sink to get a closer look out of the window. โI feel like saying exactly where they are makes the code names redundant.โย
โI feel like youโre redundant.โ A beat passes. โJust be yourself, and if he says something funny, laugh and put your hand on his bicep while you do.โย
โNoted.โ
Yunjin doesnโt let you go outside without taking a sip (or three) of the poison in her cup, and after you gag over the sink, the two of you make your way into the garden, sights set on the half wall where โblack catโ now sits alone. A potent mixture of the scent of tobacco and weed hits you the second you open the back door, and the two of you leave the house to make a beeline to Jay, apparently to Yunjinโs displeasure, given the way she asks you three times to play beer pong with her when some of the basketball boys start setting up cups for the next round.
โNo,โ you say. Three times.ย
As if sensing your presence, Jay whips his head around right before the two of you reach him, a bright smile gracing his face as he waves at you with his whole arm. He seems to glow against the darkness of the night, bright, dreamy, an unreal quality that leaves you feeling fuzzy around the edges. Jay, you think, over and over and it starts to sound made up. Jay. Jay. Jay. Until you reach him. He stands up when you guys are close enough. โYouโre here,โ Jay says with a smile, pulling you into a hug. With his arms around your waist, his hold is somehow both tight and gentle. Secure. Safe.ย
โHey,โ you say, voice muffled by the fabric of his hoodie. A whiff of his scent hits you, flooding your senses. Fresh, citrusy, and undeniably Jay. A dizzying combination, so light, and distinctly him in a way that makes your heart beat a bit faster.ย
When Jay lets go of you to hug Yunjin, you take the last sip of your drink and almost wish youโd taken her cup instead; your lemonade is sweet to the tongue but does absolutely nothing to boost your confidence. You watch as they greet each other while Jay sits back down. Standing in front of him with your arm against Yunjinโs, you feel as though you've missed the window to sit down too and opt to continue standing next to her.ย
โWe like your banner,โ you say, pointing in the direction of the house behind him.ย
Following your finger, Jay lets his head whip around towards the back of the house. Yunjin uses the time he spends looking over his shoulder to nudge you, nod her head in his direction, and mouth the word โsitโ at you. So you do.
If heโs surprised to turn back around barely a second later and find you right beside him, Jay doesnโt show it. He gives you a warm smile and knocks his knee against yours before speaking. โWhat, first w of the season?โ He tilts his head. โAnd here I thought you were a good luck charm, twenty,โ he says with a chuckle when you nod.ย
Yunjinโs brows raise, and you feel yours rise too. โTwenty?โ she asks.ย
โThe hockey jacket,โ he answers without missing a beat. โSpeaking of, whenโs your next game?โย
โOh, weโre playing the Foxes next week,โ Yunjin rakes a hand through her hair. โTDU, you know?โย
Jay nods, turning his attention back to you. โCan I look forward to seeing you on the field, twenty?โย
Tilting your head, you pull air through your teeth. โYou know what, I actually just got benched, like, right now,โ you say, liking the way Jay laughs. โIโm out for the rest of the season.โย
After clapping a hand to his mouth, Jay points at you. โDid they get you on a drunk and disorderly after the mixer?โ he asks through a laugh.ย
In horror, you watch while Yunjinโs head falls back with laughter as she lets out cackles that only unsettle you. โThatโs exactly what happened!โ
โI was not.. disorderly,โ you say meekly, finding sudden interest in the hem of your skirt.
It sounds as though Jay says: โYou didnโt tell her how she got back home?โ though youโre finding it difficult to focus on much other than trying to recover your missed hours after the hockey mixer.ย
Youโve gone on countless nights out, spent many mornings after vowing never to drink again, and, on multiple occasions, have gotten too drunk to enter the club. But even then, in the past, your memory has only ever been.. spotty, nonlinear. Never completely void for hours at a time, and itโs concerning. After tonight, you really wonโt drink again.ย
Except on birthdays.ย
And when you go to the club. Or to parties. Or when youโre bored with the girls. But again, apart from that? Never.ย
โHow did I gโโ you start, though Yunjin cuts you off.ย
โI think Zuhaโs lifting her leg again, hold on,โ she groans, looking over Jayโs shoulder at the glass doors leading to the kitchen. Yunjin disappears back into the house and itโs not until you watch her slide the back door shut behind her that you remember Kazuha having too much to drink at pres and having to stay in with Chaewon.ย
When you look at Jay, he watches you with knitted brows. โKazuhaโs doing what?โ he asks.ย
โBallet,โ you explain. He nods.ย
Neither of you speak for a moment. While you chew on the inside of your cheek, you canโt help but wonder if you shouldโve followed Yunjin, or if you shouldโve had less to drink at the mixer. You reckon the fact that Jayโs still talking to you must mean you didnโt do anything that you canโt recover from, but you canโt shake the feeling that your trip home that night was less than pleasant.ย
โHey,โ Jay says quietly, catching your attention with concern lacing his features. โWhat do you look so down for?โ he asks.ย
Though terrified of the answer, you repeat your earlier question. โHow did I get home?โ you ask, wondering if the Earth usually opened up to swallow people whole or if youโd have to put in a special request.
Jay licks his lips, using his hand to push your shoulder playfully. โI have no idea,โ he chuckles, shaking his head. โI was talking to Yunjin at the library on Tuesday, I think, and she told me you canโt remember anything. I just wanted to freak you out.โย
You feel heat under his touch and relief from his words, though something about him talking with Yunjin seems to jostle you slightly. โYunjin was at the library?โ
Briefly, what looks like disappointment flashes across Jayโs face, replaced quickly with a pretty smile, light, playful. โYou care more about Yunjin being at the library than me asking your friend about you?โ he asks.
โYou were asking my friend about me?โย
โYeah, I think youโre cute,โ Jay says sweetly, smiling at you in a way that makes your cheeks burn even when you look down at your lap.ย
Thereโs something about the way he says it, so casually as if telling you the time or todayโs date, that throws you off. It doesnโt make any sense to you that some of the most vivid sensations that Jay makes you feel are just that: sensations. You know that your stomach doesnโt actually have butterflies in it and that your heart isnโt really twirling in your chest, but it sure feels like it. You wonder if he also feels like that sometimes. You earnestly hope that if he does, itโs because of you.
He seems nearer than before when you look at him, and for fear that you might kiss him if he gets any closer, you bring your empty cup to your lips, lean back a little, and pretend to sip. Its emptiness isnโt lost on Jay, however, who chuckles, asking if you want a refill. While walking towards the house, you listen as he tells you what the team normally get up to during half-time (mostly strategising and pretending not to hear Heeseungโs snores), and silently beg your cheeks to cool down. His hand is heavy on the small of your back as he ushers you inside first, sliding the door shut behind him, and gently pushing you towards the kitchen island.ย
You let yourself lean against the counter, ignoring the fluttering in your stomach as you watch him reach for a visibly sticky bottle of your favourite drink without asking what youโd like. Though before actually touching it, his eyes widen. โWait, I have something for you,โ he says, holding out a hand for you to take. โCome on.โย
Jay weaves his fingers with yours, leading you through the house and up the stairs into a bedroom. He closes the door gently behind you, stepping over a couple of backpacks before sitting on the end of the bed, and tugging at the zipper on one of them.ย
For a moment you watch as veins appear on his hands and have to physically tell yourself to drag your eyes to anything else, eventually settling on the walls. Walls that are covered in countless glossy 4x6 prints, some shots of landscapes, groups of people, out-of-focus beer bottles and.. โYou have a lot of photos of Mark Lee in here,โ you comment, scanning the room around you. โAnd it doesnโt look like youโre.. in any of them,โ you continue as you notice a grainy polaroid stuck to the wall next to the light switch โ a picture of Mark making out with his best friend, Sakura โgive me a break, a boy and a girl can be just friendsโ Miyawaki, and make a mental note to bring it up later.ย
Jay glances at you as if youโre the one sleeping in a Markkura shrine. โYeah, โcause itโs his room,โ he chuckles. โYou can sit down, you know,โ he adds after a beat, moving over a bit on the bed.ย
With a nod, you look at some more of the pictures as you make your way over to the spot next to him, a photo of Mark and Jake with their middle fingers to the camera catching your eye. And holding it for so long that you trip a little over one of the backpacks before sitting down and pretending nothing happened. Thankfully, Jay doesnโt seem to notice.ย
โItโs not much by the way, donโt get your hopes up,โ he warns, his hand still hidden by the fabric of his bag.ย
โGot it.โย
Despite his earlier disclaimer, he makes a show of the whole thing. โTa-da!โ His voice is a little singsong as he brings the objeโbottle of Smirnoff Ice into view.ย
โThank you?โ The bottle is cold in your hands when you take it from him, reading the ABV 4% on its label and wondering how many of these Sunghoon must have had to drink to have been stumbling the way he was that night. You also canโt help but wonder what reason Jay has for buying you a bottle and then taking you into the privacy of Markโs bedroom to give it to you.
โYeah,โ he trails off a little, letting his hand come up to scratch the back of his neck. โYou looked pretty crushed the other night when Heeseung finished that one bottle.โย
You canโt help the scoff that comes out. โCrushed? I mean, I mightโve frowned.โย
โFrowned? You were near tears, I was worried about you.โย
โShut up.โย
โIโm serious, every time I looked at you, you had this.. upset look on your face.โย
โWell, maybe you should stop looking at me so much.โ
Jayโs eyes sparkle under the light, flicking back and forth from your eyes to your lips as he brings a hand up to your face, tucking some hair behind your ear, his fingers hot on your skin, unmoving. His eyes lock with yours. โCome on,โ he says in a low voice. โYou know thereโs no stopping that.โย
A smile tugs at your lips. Jay bites his. His gaze drops back down to your mouth. Lingers. And in what almost seems like an alcohol-induced hallucination, he leans in. Slightly. As if testing the waters. As if waiting for a sign that you want him to stop. A sign that you want him to continue. Anything. His hand is heavy on your cheek when he cups it in his palm, skin rough against yours.ย
Mere inches away, Jayโs lips seem more tempting than ever. Separated only by the distance of a breath and your nerves, you try to settle yourself. To put your heart at ease. But how could you relax when he looks at you like that; his gaze soft, tender, all of his attention on yโThe bottle slips from your hands, cool against your thighs, reminding you of its existence. Jay flinches when you do.ย
โLetโs have a drink!โ you suggest, though the absence you feel when he takes his hand from your face makes you wish you hadnโt.
โSure.โ
The cap screws off the bottle with a few satisfying clicks, and Jay, amused, shakes his head when you offer him the first sip. โAfter you,โ he says.ย
Without a second thought, the bottle touches your lips and the sweet, sweet taste of Smirnoff Ice touches your tongue, coating your mouth and leaving you wishing the alcohol content was higher.ย
โDo you mind if I put my lips on it?โ he asks while you pass the drink to him.ย
You shake your head, determined not to think of a double meaning, and watch as his lips connect with the bottleโs opening, his Adamโs apple bobbing in his throat while he drinks. When Jay pulls it from his mouth, he lets his tongue dart out to wet his lips. You wonder if it will taste different in his mouth, if his lips, wet from the drink, taste as sweet as they look.ย
Now that you realise youโve shared an indirect kiss, you kick yourself for passing up the chance at a direct one, deciding that if you want him to kiss you, youโll need to get closer. Step up your game a little. Maybe youโll say something about his necklace, ask to get a better look.. And hopefully, heโll take the hint and kiss you because youโre not really sure what else you could say.ย
Of course, you could opt to skip words altogether, taking his face in your hands, and pressing your lips to his. Youโre sure thatโs what Yunjin would do. And youโre sure that would be her advice to you if you asked her.
Jay hands the bottle back to you and you close it, determined to feel his lips on yours if itโs the last thing you do. And you quickly open the bottle again, one last sip for good luck. The soft laugh he lets out is breathy, and itโs hard to tell if the heat in your stomach is coming from the drink, or from the way you see him looking at you in your peripheral.ย
His straight teeth bite at his bottom lip, and he shakes his head when you offer him another sip. This time when you close the bottle, you do it for good, setting the glass on the floor so it doesnโt interrupt you again.ย
โI really like your necklace,โ you say, off to a good start, following the plan.ย
โYeah?โย
โYeah.โ
โAw.. thanks,โ he says, choosing now, of all times, to stop being a conversationalist.ย
In the quiet of the room, you realise that you hadnโt planned anything beyond the compliment. You let your eyes focus back on the charm hanging from his neck, trying to picture him with a fishing rod in his hand, and wellington boots on his feet. It doesnโt really work. โI didnโt realise you were so into fishing,โ you blurt out, and the way he knits his brows together makes you wish youโd just grabbed him and planted a kiss on the lips he purses to the side while watching you.ย
โMe?โย
โYeah you, with your cute little hook on a chain.โย
Jay squints at you. โHook on a chain?โ he repeats.ย
You let a hand reach up and press on the hook pendant on his necklace.ย
His shoulders rise and fall dramatically as he sighs, his hand coming up to wrap around yours, holding it to the base of his neck as the small (not) hook warms in your fist. โWhy does everybody think itโs a hook?โย
โIt isnโt?โย
โItโs the letter J.โ He lets go of your hand to lift the charm. โSee?โย
You squint your eyes, leaning a little closer to him, gaze fixed on the little gold hook letter sitting near the base of his neck. โOhhhh, right,โ you say, but even from a few inches away, it still looks like a hook, and from this close, you can hear the way his breath hitches in his throat.
With an inhale, you find yourself lingering. Sticking around just long enough to make out the woodier notes of his cologne before moving back a little. Finally, you draw your eyes away from his neck, wanting to meet his gaze but finding yourself stuck on his lips instead. They sit slightly ajar, pink, pretty, sort of chapped in the way they always seem to be. His breath tickles your forehead. You sit straighter, noticing the way his eyes burn holes into you.ย
โQuit staring,โ you mumble hypocritically.ย
Jayโs brows quirk up for a split second as he sits back on his hands. โIโm not.โ
โYou are.โย
โWell, youโd have to be staring at me to know.โย
โDo you want me to stop staring?โ
He seems to consider this for a second before shaking his head. โNo,โ he tells you.ย
โWhat do you want then?โ Your voice is soft when you ask.ย
โI wanna kiss you.โย
Jayโs lips donโt move but you hear the word โreallyโ being spoken out into the room like a question. Your voice doesnโt feel like your own and doesnโt fully register until Jay says: โYeah,โ so softly that itโs practically a whisper.ย
Jay wants.. to kiss you. You feel your breath catch in your throat and it seems even more ridiculous to think it than to have heard it from him. To see his lips move to form the words. I wanna kiss you, heโd said. Youโd heard it. Youโd seen it. It happened. He wants.. to kiss you.ย
โDo you want me to do that?โ he asks, leaning in slightly, his hand rising to cup your cheek. Slower, gentler than last time.ย
You let your gaze meet his; regret flooding you immediately. Just as kind and soft as the rest of him, Jayโs eyes stare into yours, warm, and inviting, but, still, you canโt shake off your nerves. More than anything, you want to say yes; to say of course, canโt you tell? but you donโt trust yourself enough to open your mouth and speak to him. Instead, you nod, so slightly that for a moment you wonder if he even noticed. And then, there, in the dim privacy of Mark Leeโs bedroom, while your heart beats out of your chest, Jay kisses you for the first time.ย
His lips are warm against yours, the sweet taste of Smirnoff Ice only amplified as he holds you close. Soft, gentle, kissing Jay is everything youโd imagined it would be. You feel as though you might melt under his touch as his hand grabs your waist to pull you closer. So close that youโre nearly in his lap as he deepens the kiss, his tongue moving along yours.
It doesnโt feel real, it canโt be.ย
As if thrown by your thoughts, Jay pulls away. While attempting to form a coherent thought, you catch your breath, once again, regretting looking at him. He looks down the bridge of his nose at you with half-lidded eyes, and his pretty, pink lips sit parted, wet and plump from kissing. Jay leans in almost immediately, the moment cut short by his lips on yours once again.ย
Itโs tangible this time; you couldnโt possibly make up the way his hand grips your ass or the way he groans softly when you whine into his mouth. Heโs real, and heโs kissing you, and you only feel yourself growing dizzier, and dizzier the longer his lips move against yours. A gasp pulls you out of it and the two of you separate.
Looking in the direction of the now open door you see Sakura and Mark hand in hand. You canโt help the slight embarrassment that hits you at first, hating that, of all people, it had to be Mark to walk in and find you making out with someone on his bed.ย
Though you get a bit distracted seeing him and Sakura like this, they look cute together. His football hoodie covers her form completely, much longer than the dress she has on, as she leans into him, and a giggle slips from her lips when he lets go of her hand to wrap an arm around her waist instead.ย
Somewhat belatedly, and needlessly, Mark apologises, his eyes focused on you when he speaks but you canโt get the words out to respond to him. Jay chuckles at this, shaking his head and telling him not to worry about it as he stands up from the bed. You follow suit. Jay picks up your drink from the floor and takes you by the hand, telling Mark heโll text him later while leading you out of the room. When you glance at Sakura, sheโs grinning at you, mouthing: โSorry,โ before smacking your butt.ย
Jay hands you the bottle when the door closes, his hand slipping out of yours. A beat passes. And then another. He chews at his bottom lip. You clear your throat and the silence continues. Itโs a shame to be standing around like idiots on the landing like this, you think.ย
โI..โ he trails off, wiping his hands on his pants. He points over his shoulder with his thumb. โI should get back to the boys.โย
Your heart sinks as you hesitate, unsure how to respond. Slowly, you nod. โRight, yeah,โ you say.
โLater,โ he mumbles, holding up his hand to wave stiffly at you before turning around to leave.ย
Deflated, you lean against Markโs door while you search for your phone to ask Yunjin where she is. Maybe if youโd waited for a moment, youโd have seen the way Jay stopped at the top of the stairs to look over at you, seen the frown on his face when he saw that you werenโt looking at him. But instead, you read 2 texts from Yunjin.ย
yj: dude heso into uย
yj: flirt more = hv fun upstairsย
You spend the next three days pretending nothing happened at the party, avoiding Jay, and dreading going to uni. Itโs just unfortunate that for you, pretending nothing happened looks like zoning out in the library while replaying the kiss in your head until your elbow slips off the desk. And avoiding Jay seems near impossible, given his tendency to show up everywhere. Or rather, your tendency to see Jay in everything.ย
Like the tiny little black cat you saw perched on the fence outside your apartment building, and the busker singing Harry Styles in the city centre. And the half-full bottle of Smirnoff Ice from that night that sits on your dresser with your perfume and jewellery, displayed with about as much sentiment as a trophy won at school for a random achievement.ย
Impulsively, you post a selfie to your Instagram story before hiding your phone under your pillow and leaving the room entirely, making yourself comfortable atop the kitchen counter and waiting for someone to come back home.ย
Chaewon gets home first, and quickly, arriving with a groan as she shrugs her jacket off and shuts the door behind her. โI hate uni,โ she mutters. โI hate studying, I haโ Hey.โ She jumps a little when she sees you in the kitchen. โI feel like I havenโt seen you in forever, whereโve you been hiding?โย
โMy room.โย
She nods, leaning comfortably against the doorframe. โYouโre not going out tonight, right?โย
You shake your head, amused by the look of relief that paints Chaewonโs features as she whispers thank God. โIโm gonna shower, and take a nap,โ she informs you. โBut when I wake up, itโs you, me, pizza, and whatever story Yunjin has from practice.โย
โCanโt wait,โ you say sincerely, stepping down from the counter.ย
With a wide smile on her face, she salutes you before dragging her feet to the bathroom. Completely endeared, you decide not to comment on the salute even though you think itโs sweet that sheโs starting to copy her boyfriend.ย
The sounds of student housing on a Wednesday evening seep in through the open window as you pour yourself a glass of water, unable to stop wondering if Jay saw your story; and what he thought about it if he did. Wondering if heโd notice that the picture was from Saturday night.ย
Filling up your glass again, you take it to your room and pull your phone out of hiding. Along with a message from Yunjin telling you and Chaewon to order your food so it comes shortly after she gets home, you find that Jay hit like on your story. Then sent a reply ten minutes later saying: youโre sooo gorgeous.
With a smile on your face, you type out various forms of โthank you so much, youโre perfect,โ before settling on a simple: thank uuu :D, and Jayโs response is immediate.ย
jay: i donโt think iโve said that before
jay: how prettty i think you are
The heat that rises to your cheeks is troubling, yet despite your best efforts, you canโt get it to pass. Especially not when you read and reread Jayโs message. You press your eyes shut, willing the heat to pass, willing the grin on your face to fade. Neither works, in fact, they only worsen when you open your eyes to see the new messages waiting for you in the chat.ย
jay: itโs a lot bteย
jay: *btwย
You let out a romcom-worthy sigh, clutching the phone to your chest and laying down on the bed. A glow-in-the-dark sticker stares back at you from its spot on your ceiling, a single star that youโd won as a set of two at the arcade with Kazuha in December. The memory brings a smile to your face, even though you remember being a little annoyed after she turned down the other star when you tried giving it to her.
Another message from Jay makes your phone vibrate in your hands.ย
jay: sorrryย
you: itโs okayย
You tell him. Even though youโre not sure what heโs apologising for. Just like before, Jay reads the message immediately though this time his reply never comes.
With Yunjin now home from practice, and freshly showered, you sit on the couch with your flatmates, talking and laughing over the sound of the TV for hours until Netflix asks if youโre still watching, and Yunjinโs passed out with her cold, wet hair on your shoulder.ย ย
Pressing a wet kiss to your cheek, Chaewon retires to bed, whispering โGoodniiiiiiiiight,โ in your ear before abandoning you. Tired as you are, a part of you feels bad about waking Yunjin so you decide to sit a while longer, moving the blanket from your lap to cover her up properly. But of course, this is the movement that wakes her up.ย
In a soft voice, you tell her goodnight, standing up from the couch to stretch your arms above your head.ย
โYou never told me what happened on Saturday,โ Yunjin says tiredly. โKkura told me you and Jay were busy in Markโs room.โย
The mention of his name takes you back to that night. Back to Jay and the way his lips felt against yours, the way his hand held your waist, and the way heโd ditched you outside Markโs room. A pit forms in your stomach; and as if reading your mind, Yunjin asks if youโre okay.
You sit down on the other end of the couch, bringing your knees up to your chest and telling the story from top to bottom. After recounting the night in detail from after she left you guys alone, you find yourself hyperaware of the differences between you and Yunjin. For you, the highlight of Saturday night was Jay kissing you and then running away after.ย
โWait, Sakura and who?โ she asks when youโre done.ย
For Yunjin, the highlight of the story seems to be Markโs presence.ย
โMark.โย
โShe told me she went on her own, what were they doing?โย
Although you have some idea, you think it best to keep your knowledge to yourself. โThey were looking for her phone,โ you say, pleased to see that Yunjin accepts your answer and moves on.ย
โSo then what?โ
โHe texted me hey on Sunday morning, which I ignored, and then a couple hours ago he replied to my story and told me how pretty he thinks I am,โ you say, pausing to take a breath. โThen ignored my response.โย
Yunjin sits silently, seeming to take in everything sheโd just been told. Her eyes are focused on the TV screen ahead so you look over at it too. It had gone into standby mode, displaying nothing but an indistinct impression of the two of you.ย
And the silence continues.ย
In the TVโs cast, you can just about make out the way she tilts and then turns her head to look at you. โMaybe heโs just.. frazzled, or something, from being walked in on. How did you feel?โย
The answer takes a while to come up with because for you, the night exists in two parts โ Before kissing Jay, and everything else that happened when you left the room. This whole time, youโve been so focused on him leaving, that youโve barely given any thought to how you felt when Sakura opened the door. Frazzled, you think. Probably the best word to use. Embarrassed suits a bit better though.ย
โI was embarrassed about it, but only because it was Mark. If it had been you, or Chaewon, whoever, it wouldโve been different because theyโd walk in and go โoh sorryโ or something and leave, but obviously, when itโs Mark going into his own room, heโs there for something, you know?โ you explain, chewing at your bottom lip.
โMaybe thatโs how he feels too.โ
โYeah, but it wasnโt embarrassing enough to leave and never talk to him again.โย
Yunjin exhales heavily. โI want to be on your side, really, I do, but isnโt that kinda what you did?โ she asks, her voice hesitant as she tilts her head. โHe texted you the next day and you didnโt reply, what do you think heโs thinking about right now?โย
โHeโs the one who said he should get back to the boys.โ
โWhat if thatโs just because he spoke first?โ she suggests. โObviously we donโt know what you wouldโve said if you spoke first, because you didnโt, but I feel like you wouldโve been like โI-Iโm gonna get back to the girlsโ and ran away.โย
Always correct, Yunjin is your worst enemy and your best friend rolled into one. Oh, how you hate her. Well, sheโs correct about the fact that you would have said the same thing. You think. You press your lips together in a straight line and sink into your seat.ย
She sighs when you donโt speak. โLook, he talked to you today, and told you how pretty you are, which is a win, right?โย
You nod reluctantly.ย
โSo letโs celebrate that, celebrate the fact that you kissed Jay! Even better, the fact that he kissed you.โ Yunjin pauses, for what you think is dramatic effect, before speaking again. โJust.. donโt sweat the small stuff, okay?โ She stops again to yawn. โAnd text him back if he reaches out, or, text him first.โย
Leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom, you brush your teeth, watching as Yunjin does the same, sitting on the edge of the tub with her eyes shut. While gargling mouthwash, you think about the conversation youโve just had and decide to take matters into your own hands. By pleading with God to put Jay in front of you and have him tell you that he likes you back.ย
Once again, the higher powers seem to be on your side. Kind of. Jay does end up in front of you to tell you that he likes you back. Kind of. But only after learning that youโll have to start your report again; which, given that youโd only gotten through 800 of the required 4000 words, wasn't exactly criminal. It was an irritation that settled in you, mainly, as all of your research and the sources youโd found were now redundant in the face of such adversity.ย
Nonetheless, with heavy feet, you leave the lecture hall, trying to come up with a way to fake your graduation ceremony next year so you can secretly drop out. You draw a blank and find Jay waiting in line at the vending machine near the libraryโs entrance.ย
Even though youโd spoken with her on Tuesday night, here, today, on Friday afternoon, Yunjinโs words echo so clearly in your mind you almost want to peer over your shoulder to see if sheโs there. You do. She isnโt.ย
Your formerly heavy feet lead you right over to Jay, who greets you with a smile. โHowโs the report coming?โ he asks, his tone light, easygoing, and clearly oblivious to the fact that his question strikes you like a knife to the gut.ย
The two of you shuffle forward slightly, now at the front of the queue. Waiting for your response, he punches E6 into the machine that rattles loudly, delivering his bottle of Lipton lemon.ย
โNot great,โ you tell him, feigning nonchalance and watching as he presses E4 before squatting down to collect both drinks. โAre you heading to class?โย
Standing up straight, Jay holds out the new(er) bottle of Lipton peach towards you. โWhat happened?โย
Holding the drink in your hands, you fall into step with him and sigh despite yourself. โI have to start over.โย
Jayโs eyes widen and his jaw drops slightly at your words. Dramatic. Cute. โNooo,โ he says sincerely. โHow come?โ
โI read the question wrong.โ
โOh,โ he says. โThatโs okay, at least you found out now rather than later. And you still have until December to get it done, thatโs almost two months! Iโm sure most people havenโt even read the question,โ he tells you in a gentle voice.ย
Thereโs a fuzziness in your chest, and Jayโs words make you feel like everything will be alright. Even though you werenโt exactly cut up about the report, something about talking with him about it leaves you feeling soothed when you look up to give him a warm smile.
โI donโt have classes today, Iโm just here to study,โ he says, answering your earlier question as he leads you to a table.ย
You watch as Jay sits down, and decide to take a seat across from him, dumping your bag on the floor at your feet. His brows quirk up when you put the drink down on his side of the table, confusion evident in his voice when he says: โYou donโt like peach tea anymore?โย
All of a sudden your heart is pounding, and you grin despite yourself. Oh, Jay, you think. โItโs my favourite.โย
Matching your smile Jay slides the bottle over to you. โItโs yours,โ he says.
You canโt explain the overwhelming sense of gratitude you feel over a barely cold, 500ml bottle of tea, but it beams brightly on the table between you; radiant, glowy, the most beautiful thing youโve ever seen. โThank you,โ you say sincerely in a soft voice, lest you knock the bottle out of its haze.ย
The deepest part of your brain romanticises the scene around you even further, and the table you sit at, in the smallest library on campus, starts to seem like something from a kidโs storybook. From a mythical land where the iced tea is luminescent, and you get to study with an angel who wears Chrome Hearts pants and olive green 6s.
โCan I read it when youโre done?โ His question cuts through your thoughts. Surprised by how genuine Jay sounds, you glance back over at him to find him already looking at you, his lips pushed up into a soft smile that spreads flutters around your chest.
It takes you longer than youโd like to admit to realise what heโs talking about, but you tilt your head when you do. โYou wanna read my paper on wind turbines and solar farms?โ you ask.ย
Jayโs eyes widen briefly as if shocked that youโre even asking him that. โOf course I do,โ he says, sounding almost offended, defensive maybe.ย
You eye him from across the table, sceptical. Jay seems to pick up on this. โWhy wouldnโt I want to know about the UNโs advances towards net zero by 2030?โ he asks, chuckling to himself when you raise a brow. He shrugs. โI got curious after you mentioned it.โย
With burning cheeks, you watch him as he continues to talk, neither of you making any effort to start on the work youโre there to do. As much as you feel itโd be useful to get work done in the library โ because itโll allow you to go home and do nothing without guilt โ you donโt see the point in half-assing your research and absentmindedly chatting with Jay, when you could ditch the research completely and fixate over the way his lips move to form his words.ย
โI lost my student card so I need to read while Iโm in here. I think itโs better though; easier to stay focused, less distractions,โ Jay tells you when you ask what brought him to uni just to study alone. โUsually,โ he adds, gaze flicking up to meet yours with a teasing smile crossing his lips.
Jayโs words hold a flirtatious undertone that isnโt lost on you or the butterflies that take flight in your stomach. โIโm not a distraction,โ you say, frowning slightly.ย
โI never said you were, but I had no problem getting my work done until you got here.โย
Jayโs words remind you of your first test for Property Law in February. The two of you sat together at a table in the campus cafe, empty mugs and printed slides scattered across the space between you. For four hours, you highlighted sentences and rewrote notes to keep your hands busy until Jay walked you back to your flat, where you pulled an all-nighter so you could actually study. You got a 61 and slept for twelve hours afterwards.ย
โIf itโs getting to you that much, I can go,โ you offer, really, really, hoping he doesnโt take you up on it.
โNo, please stay. I like spending time with you,โ Jay admits with a slight downturn at the corners of his lips.ย
You try to work out how to echo his sentiment without sounding like a lovestruck fool, though you draw a blank, distracted by the way heโ โAre you batting your lashes at me?โ you ask through a chuckle.
Jay squints. โIs it working?โย
You shake your head.ย
โWell, neither are you,โ he points out, crossing his arms over his chest in a way that almost makes you feel scolded despite his light tone. You think you like it.ย
An overly dramatic sigh huffs its way out of your mouth as you roll your eyes at him, fighting a smile at the sound of his breathy laughter. โWhatever. Starting now, Iโll work on my paper. You focus on your reading, no distractions,โ you suggest.
โRight, no distractions,โ Jay repeats, his eyes falling to your lips.ย
Sticking to your word proves much easier than youโd initially thought and you manage to sit, mostly undistracted, for more than a little while, putting the paragraphs that can stay in italics, the bits that need to be amended in bold, and deleting the rest.ย
Your workflow is broken only when Jay speaks softly, โIs it cool if Heeseung works with us?โ he asks, sending a text after you tell him that itโs okay.ย
And as if heโd been waiting around the corner, Heeseung shows up seconds later. โJongseongieeeeee,โ he coos when he sees Jay, extending a hand to pat his head and ruffle his hair.ย
Unable to hide his irritation, Jayโs face scrunches up at the interaction and in an attempt to stop the sudden attack, he grabs Heeseung by the wrist, seeming shocked when it works. You watch him fix his hair in his phone camera.ย
In the same playful tone, Heeseung says your name too, sitting down in the seat next to Jay. โI feel like I havenโt seen you since the hockey mixer.โย
You canโt help the breathy laugh that comes out at the cute pout on his lips. โBecause you havenโt seen me since the hockey mixer,โ you say, smiling at Jay when you notice him looking at you.ย
โYou werenโt at the football party, were you?โ Heeseung asks, his eyes widening right when the words leave his mouth. โRiiiiiiiight, you were.โ He mumbles to himself before covering his mouth with his hand. โIโm just..โ he trails off, pointing at his laptop with his index finger before opening it and sinking in his seat.ย
Thereโs a nasty pit forming in your stomach while you watch Heeseung all but disappear behind his screen. And in the black screen of your laptop, you stare at yourself, pretending that: 1. The fingerprints and smudges donโt bother you, and 2. That you donโt notice the way Jayโs looking at you. Or rather, the fact that Jayโs looking at you. If youโd noticed the way he was looking at you, you might have picked up on the softness of his gaze. But you didn't, so you donโt.ย
Instead, the fact that Jayโs watching you only makes you feel worse. Though at least it looks like your hair is sitting nicely today, you think, glad to have at least one thing working for you rather than against you. Like the pit in your stomach, or the Lipton peach that tastes like nothing when you take the first sip.
In the presence of Heeseung - and the things he said - the three of you manage to get on with your work, free of conversation.ย
Reluctantly, you let the two boys walk you back to your place when youโre ready to go home. Heeseung leads the conversation, thankfully, with no more mention of the football party and even hugs you goodbye while Jay watches from a few feet away. Judging by the expression on his face, youโd think the person heโd liked for months kissed him and then ran away.ย
โSorry,โ Heeseung whispers, pressing his lips into a straight line.ย
With your key in the lock, you watch as they retreat, Heeseung nudging Jay when he reaches him and mumbling something that you canโt quite make out. Neither of the girls are home when you get inside and, sprawling out on the couch, you look for your phone to make plans.ย
you: we should go out tn
cw: tmrw ! i have a deadline
yj: broke friday or .. j*emins partyย
Too broke for broke Friday, the two of you find yourselves stepping over the legs of a sleeping Sunghoon to reach the open door to Jeno and Jaeminโs apartment. There are people everywhere, including the hall outside, but you suppose this is the benefit of student housing; none of your neighbours can complain about noise because theyโre too busy being part of the commotion.ย
Jake almost spills his drink when he sees you both, saying โheyyyyy,โ with a giggle and eyes that linger on Yunjin while he talks though he quickly excuses himself to take water to poor Sunghoonie.ย
The night is largely uneventful, much the same as every other night out youโve had since starting college. Except for the part where Jay shows up,a massive grin on his face to greet your friends. Sakura, Yunjin, and Kazuha all get a โheyโ and a brief hug. Jay regards you with a nod and a small smile. At least Kazuha seems to believe you when you tell her that youโre crying in Jaeminโs bathroom because you hate your outfit.
After a weekend of self-pity, you spend Monday at a coffee shop with Sakura, watching as she studiโโYou could at least pretend to study, you know?โ she sighs. โEvery time I look up youโre either staring at me or using your phone, itโs distracting.โย
With a frown on your face, you touch your mug to see if your coffee is cool enough to drink yet โ itโs not โ before flipping your notebook to a blank page and trying to write out some of the key points that you remember from Fridayโs lecture. A part of you feels bad for neglecting your Architectural Practice class but itโs just not as interesting, and you tell yourself that youโll dedicate all of your time to it after finishing your report. You definitely will not come to regret leaving three months worth of work to the very last minute.ย
You study with Sakura for a few hours until deciding that you simply cannot continue, and the two of you leave the cafe in favour of a Mcdonaldโs drive-thru, eating your dinner in the dark parking lot before she drops you off.
On Tuesday night, youโre thankful that Yunjin and Kazuha donโt push you to go out with them when you say youโre tired, but when Netflix asks if youโre still watching Modern Family at almost 3 a.m., you wish they had.ย
You push yourself out of bed to do your skincare, and hear the two girls coming back home as you apply your last pimple patch. After Kazuha all but yells something about a huge pair of shoes by the door, it seems like they settle in the kitchen.ย
Theyโre sharing a bowl of cereal at the table when you get there. Feeling bad, you make instant noodles for them while Yunjin hugs you from behind. Both of you try your best to laugh quietly at Kazuhaโs story about some box blond figure skater who completely blanked her when she tried flirting despite staring at her all night.
Once the food is ready, you sit up on the counter, watching them eat straight from the pot. Trying to talk to those two while theyโre so invested in dinner is a waste of energy so you busy yourself on your phone instead, scrolling aimlessly until both girls kiss you on the cheek to thank you for looking after them. Kazuha gratefully drinks the glass of water you give her, and Yunjin, as you expect, is stubborn about it; taking three small sips before running away to her room.ย
The argument you can hear through the open window keeps you entertained as you wash the dishes, and you check your phone on the way to your room, finding two texts from Jay.ย
jay: i know itโs late but can we talk in person if youโre up
jay: itโ s important
They came in four minutes ago and you chew on your lip trying to figure out what he wants to talk about.ย
you: are you okay?
jay: can you come outsideย
With not even enough time to hit send on the three question marks youโd typed out, the distinct ring of a FaceTime call surprises you. Though what you find more surprising is the sight of your buildingโs door behind Jayโs face which just about fills the screen. Lit dramatically by an orange street light, he looks beautiful. Looks cute when his lips pout slightly around the words: come quickly and dress warm, as he successfully convinces you to leave the comfort of your bed.
Through the glass in the main door, you see him. With his hands stuffed in his pockets, he looks up towards the sky and puffs visible breaths into the air above him. Jay turns around at the sound of the door opening. You feel your stomach lurch because he doesnโt smile when he sees you.ย
โHey,โ he says after a while, watching you intently, inspecting almost, as you shut the door softly behind you. His face softens, the smile he hadnโt given earlier coming through now. โAre you wearing my jacket?โ His voice is soft too when he speaks, breathy enough for the smell of alcohol and vague peppermint to hit your nose.ย
โI thought I should probably give it back,โ you nod. โSorry I kept it so long.โ
Jay shakes his head, hair shifting on his forehead from the motion. โNo, I love it on you. Please keep it,โ he pauses, taking a step towards you. โI want you to keep it.โย
Thank God, you think. You hadnโt really been meaning to give it back, and you werenโt really sorry to have kept it so long, it just felt like the right thing to say.ย
The space between you is so small that you wonder if he can hear the way your heart rate starts to pick up. In the time you hadnโt talked, youโd seen him around campus, in the corners of story posts, but seeing him here in front of you is almost overwhelming. A gust of wind ruffles the jacket Jay has on and his scent unfurls right under your nose; warm, lived in, mixed with faint sweat and what you think might be tobacco. It creates a musk that leaves you weak at the knees.
โIt was milk and cookies night,โ Jay continues when you donโt respond, digging into his pocket and holding a plastic-wrapped cookie out towards you. โYou like white chocolate chip, right?โย
Hearing that it was milk and cookies night makes you wonder if youโd been too hasty when you turned down the girlsโ invitation.ย
Despite the cold, Jayโs hand is warm when your fingers graze his. Letting your touch linger, you thank him sincerely, touched by the little things he seems to remember about you.ย
Even though youโre aware of the other students coming home from various nights out, and end up having to move out of the way so some of them can enter your building, it feels like the two of you are in your own world. You notice that his sights are locked on the cookie, on the spot where your fingers touch, allowing you to admire him freely.ย
Standing almost directly under the lamppost now, you notice that his cheeks and the tips of his ears are dusted with red. You feel a little bad, he must be freezing, you think. Your gaze falls to his lips that sit parted, chapped like you expect, and now youโre thinking of kissing him.ย
Clearing his throat, Jay moves his hand from yours to put it in his pocket. You do the same.ย
โI know I said I wanted to talk, but I just wanted to see you,โ he says, looking you right in the eyes. โI wasnโt sure youโd come if I said that.โย
You frown, wondering if this whole time heโs been avoiding you because he thought you didnโt want to see him. โWhy wouldnโt I?โย
Jay only shrugs in response.ย
From over your shoulder, you hear the door opening. Jayโs eyes flicker in its direction. You turn your head to look too. A boy with pink hair frowns when both of you tell him you donโt have the lighter heโd been looking to borrow.ย
โIโm sorry about leaving after we kissed. And for avoiding you. That was stupid,โ Jay says as soon as the door closes. โIt was childish of me to do that instead of just telling you how I feel. I wasnโt gonna say anything, because I know you only see me as a friend, but I have to let you know that I like you, a lot.โย
You stand around limply for a beat, staring up at Jay and trying to take in every single detail about this moment before you inevitably wake up. But this โdreamโ doesnโt cut off where youโd been expecting it to. Instead, you feel your heart thudding against your ribs, your stomach flipping. The only thing you can get yourself to do is blink at the boy in front of you. The boy who likes you.ย
A lot.
โItโs just that, after Heeseung said that shit in the library and you couldnโt even look at me, I knew I didnโt have a chance with you and I just.. am trying to figure out how to be near you and pretend like I donโt want to drop everything and kiss you.โย
โWhatโs stopping you?โ you ask, surprised that your voice even comes out properly.
Jayโs gaze drops to your lips. Without noticing, the two of you had gotten so close that your chests are barely an inch apart; theyโd probably touch if either of you took just one deep inhale. A beat passes. His gaze flicks up to meet yours and your breath hitches in your throat. You want to kiss him. You must. Right when you start to lean up towards him, to put your lips on his, he steps back.ย
โFuck,โ Jay mumbles, his brows knitting together as he shakes his head. โIโm sorry.โย
The ability to hold his liquor is something that Jay sees as both a blessing and a curse.ย
On the bright side, he can drink as much as he wants and wonโt say or do anything he wouldnโt say or do when sober. His delivery might be a little off when heโs drunk but the point still stands.
On the not-so-bright, catastrophically dim side, however, Jay wakes up the morning after drinking with a vivid memory of everything that happened to him at whatever party heโd been to. Plus a killer migraine.ย
And so, since drunkenly showing up at your place with a cookie in his pocket and his heart on his sleeve two weeks ago, Jayโs been quietly pitying himself and gently encouraging Jake to work harder on physics so he can get some sort of time machine up and running.ย
Though it seems like youโve been able to go on as normal. So normal, in fact, that Jay starts to believe the whole thing was just an elaborate dream. So elaborate that when he scrolls through your text thread, he finds the messages that youโd โexchangedโ that night. He finds the thought of having developed self-awareness in a two-week-long dream to be a greater comfort than the reality that you donโt like him back.ย
You would have said if you did. Right? Or at least brought up what heโd said. Asked if you could talk about it. Youโd be so excited to see him again, sober, that you wouldnโt even be able to say anything except: โI like you too!โ Right?ย
But you havenโt. So unless youโre going through trauma-inflicted amnesia, or someone has finally come up with the technology to invent The Neuralyzer, you really donโt like him back.
Jay had been so sure, certain that you liked him back. It just seemed so obvious; like the way you seemed to find him at every party, and how anytime you saw Jake in the engineering block youโd ask about him. Surely it wasnโt all in his head. The way that Chaewon and Yunjin had been teasing you at the hockey mixer, and how Yunjin made up that excuse to leave the two of you alone at the football party. It was all so.. like-y.ย ย
Even today, when you texted him asking to hang out. He was sure that you were finally (finally!) going to tell him you liked him too. So sure, heโd even told the boys that heโd be coming back home as someoneโs boyfriend. As your boyfriend.ย
But instead, Jay finds himself climbing the stairs of his apartment complex wondering how the fuck heโd been so delusional. In his back pocket, his phone vibrates. Twice. Texts; both from you.ย
you: i forgot to say but lmk when u get home lol
you: and if u have time to hang out before ur game tmrw !
His heart twists in his chest as he reads your messages.ย
jay: okayyyyyyyyyyyyy, i can chill for a bit
jay: what did you have in mind?ย
After fishing his house key from his jacket, he twists it in the lock and crosses the threshold before texting you once more: home now :). You heart the message immediately. The laughter that Jay could hear in the hall quiets as soon as he closes the door, and heavy footsteps thud towards the living roomโs open doorway. Sunghoon.ย
โItโs Mr YN YLโโ he stops short. โOh.โ Itโs not until Sunghoon looks over his shoulder and shakes his head that Jay even notices the stupid shutter shades heโs wearing. And when Jay joins his friends in the living room, he smiles despite himself seeing the way theyโd decorated the space. Streamers dangle from the ceiling, hand-drawn A4 posters with both of your names written in lopsided hearts are stuck to the wall, and Jay ignores the thought of losing the security deposit to appreciate his friends; theyโre good to him.ย
On the way to his usual seat, an armchair in the corner of the room, Jay stops to wrestle a bottle of Desperados from the open six back sitting atop the coffee table and kicks a balloon that was in his path before sinking into his chair.ย
Knowing thereโs no use giving them a play-by-play, Jay recounts the last few hours as briefly as he can. He makes sure to leave out small details; like how he felt weak at the knees when you hugged him and told him you loved him after he won you a Hello Kitty plushie from the claw machine that you swore was rigged. Or how youโd worn his jacket out and his heart started racing when he noticed that your perfume had started to mix with his cologne. Unexpectedly, the guys seem hooked on the story right until its end. โSo itโs not like it went badly or anything, I just.. didnโt tell her.โ
Somehow, all three of them speak at the same time: โWhat do you mean you didnโt tell her?โย
Jay stares at a spot on the floor, noticing a hole in the toe of Jakeโs sock. Heโll make fun of that later. โI just couldnโt get the words out,โ he mumbles, shoulders drooping as he slumps further and further into his seat before taking the first sip of his bitter drink aโโFuck, why does anybody drink these?โย
โCheap,โ Sunghoon mumbles, scowling after sipping from his own.
Clearly.
โUnless Iโm missing something, this doesnโt seem like the end of the world. Just tell her tomorrow, tell her now, text her,โ Heeseung sighs, letting his eyes fall shut.ย
The other two boys seem to agree, echoing the sentiment and adding their own ad libs to it. Jay watches as Sunghoon leans over to get another drink from the table, admiring his commitment to beer drinking even though he doesnโt like it. He waits for silence before speaking again: โI already know she doesnโt like me that way. And itโs only been two weeks so it doesnโt make sense to confess again so soon when I know the answer.โย
โAgain?โ Sunghoon asks, raising a brow.ย
Ahhh, Jay knew there was something heโd forgotten to do. Though he's struggling to figure out how heโd withheld this information, considering it was the main thing on his mind at all hours. โYeah, after milk and cookies I went to hers and told her I like her,โ he says, attempting to feign nonchalance, shoulders rising and falling in a stiff shrug.
โAnd you kept that to yourself because..โย
Jay scrunches up his nose, genuinely unsure. โI didnโt go there to confess, I just wanted to see her and give her the cookie I got for her,โ he admits. โBut then she came outside, and she had my jacket on, and she just looked so pretty. The only thing on my mind was oh, my God, I canโt go any longer without telling you Iโm in love with you.โ Jay pauses, taking a long sip of beer before telling them what happened outside your building.ย
As if he wasnโt feeling bad enough already, Heeseung bursts out laughing. Hard. Itโs not long before Jake and Sunghoon join in and Jay wants to vanish into thin air. Feeling slightly left out, he also wants to ask whatโs so funny, but the fear of being slated holds him back.ย
Itโs the eldest who calms down first, sitting up straight in his seat. โSo you go to YNโs door, tell her you like her, almost kiss her, then explicitly tell her not to say she likes you back, run away from her, again, and youโre wondering why she didnโt say she likes you back?โ
With the story being laid out so simply, Jay starts to see the flaws in his logic. Though too stubborn to admit that heโs wrong in front of Jake, he nods his head. โExactly.โย
He presses his lips into a straight line when the boys call him chronically stupid.ย
โYou need to call her, talk to her, figure your shit out before itโs too late,โ Heeseung says with a firm tone.ย
Jay thinks about it, biting at his bottom lip before replying, asking in a small voice: โBut what if she says she doesnโt like me?โย
As much as not having confirmation is killing him, thereโs a part of Jay that likes not knowing how you feel about him because it lets him play into his delusions. Lets him feed himself with thoughts of you being excited to see him because you like him and not because he makes great platonic company. The thought of you checking up on him through Jake because youโve been thinking about him, but feel too shy to ask directly. And Jay knows when you properly reject him, he wonโt be comforted by such thoughts anymore. Theyโll only hurt him.ย
Though after hearing what may be the wisest thing he thinks Sunghoon has ever said, Jay starts to see the situation a little differently. Itโs casual. Spoken through a yawn. โYou already donโt have a girlfriend. Nothing to lose, right?โย
The walk to your apartment building is longer than he remembers, but the cool air feels good on his neck as he tries to figure out what exactly he should say. Jay only starts to consider that this may not be the best idea when he stands face to face with your apartment building and feels a little too nervous to buzz your flat. What is he doing?ย
A grating screech comes from the heavy door when it opens, and Chaewonโs boyfriend steps outside with squinted eyes. โJay?โ he asks as the door thuds shut behind him. โYN didnโt say you were coming over.โย
An awkward chuckle slips from Jayโs lips and (for the first time in his life) he does jazz hands. โSurprise?โ
Jay feels better when Jenoโs lips spread into a grin. โOhhhh,โ he says, nodding and extending an almost empty deck of cigarettes in his direction.ย
โIโm good,โ Jay declines, shaking his head.ย
Though if things go poorly up there he might have to take Jeno up on his offer.ย
Holding his cigarette between his lips, Jeno uses a fob to open the door for him, and Jay canโt help but feel comforted by the way Jeno pats him on the back and says: โIโm rooting for you.โย
Standing at the door to your apartment only unleashes a new sense of nervousness. His hand rests on it, balled into a fist, waiting to be pulled back. But something stops him. Jay lets his hand slip down the door and takes a step away from it. Heโd been standing too close. Now, he stands shifting his weight from foot to foot, and the toes of his shoes are just touching the doormat.ย
Reminding himself that knocking isnโt the hard part, Jay takes a deep breath and knocks three times.ย
A few minutes pass and itโs now that he remembers he doesnโt even know for sure that youโre home, or awake. He counts ten seconds before knocking again and the second his fist touches the door, he hears the sound of a lock clicking and the door creaks open.ย
Like something from a dream, you stand in the doorway, looking so beautiful with his hoodie on that Jay has to put in effort to keep his jaw from falling to the ground.ย
โJay?โ you say quietly, brows furrowed. โIs everything alright?โย
โDo you like me?โ Jay blurts out, pressing his eyes shut immediately as all plans of a proper conversation go to the wind. From his spot on your doormat, he can hear the sound of the TV quieting and a terrible silence settles over the two of you; lasting eight whole seconds before you speak.ย
โDo you wanna come in?โ
Jay steps into the apartment, taking off his shoes at the door while mumbling a greeting to Yunjin and Chaewon who (definitely heard him) lay on the couch with wide grins on their faces, and follows you to your room where you close the door behind him.ย
โSorry, I had, like, a speech ready and then I saw you and I just..โ he trails off, standing awkwardly near the door and looking at everything in the room except for you; he struggles to tear his eyes away from a polaroid picture of the two of you with huge grins. Itโs only when you talk that he manages to look over at you instead.ย
โYou can sit down,โ you say, patting a spot on the bed next to you. Without saying anything, Jay crosses the room to sit beside you โ if sitting at armโs length can be considered as beside you. โTell me about the speech,โ you say, and Jay shakes his head while trying to convince himself that your chuckle isnโt patronising.ย
โDo you like me?โ he asks again, not wanting to waste any more time.ย
โI like you.โย
Your words, simple and quiet, leave Jay winded.ย
โYou look surprised,โ you say, tilting your head. โYou really didnโt know?โ
Immediately, he relaxes his face. Clears his throat. Jayโs not entirely sure what he did and didnโt know, but he doesnโt think it matters. Nothing could possibly matter more than you do right now. โDoesnโt matter,โ he says, letting out a sigh of relief. โI like you too.โ The words sound regular when he says them, though he does like the lightness in his chest knowing for sure that the feeling is mutual. โCan you say it again?โ
โJay,โ you start, resting your hand on his knee. Jay wonders if this is supposed to comfort him and clasps his hands over his lap as discreetly as he can manage. โI like you,โ you tell him again.
Under the weight of your words, Jay feels his heart cinch a little in his chest. Why does everything sound so perfect coming from you? He canโt help but lean in, finally kissing you after what feels like an eternity. Jay didnโt think anything would feel better than your first kiss, but having your lips move softly against his, and knowing that you like him back, might just be the best thing ever. How did he go so long without this? Dazed and lovestruck, he lets his forehead rest against yours to calm down, to catch his breath. โAgain?โ he whispers, hopeful, one step away from begging.
You let out a chuckle, soft, breathy, fanning his lips. โI like you,โ you say after a while, quietly, a whisper, just for him before kissing him again.
Jayโs not sure when it happened, heโs not even sure he notices that youโre sitting in his lap until you grind down on him; the feeling overwhelming despite all of the layers between you. A whine slips from your mouth into his when he rolls his hips up towards yours, and he canโt help but hate himself a bit for not just confessing sooner.ย
You pull away from him, a smile on your face as he chases your kiss. โPlease touch me,โ you whisper, hiding your face in his neck when he chuckles at your request, calling you cute under his breath.
He feels oddly thankful that youโre not grinding on him any longer because he was about two more movements away from cumming in his pants. His hand slips under your shorts, finding your clit and pressing on it through your underwear, liking the way your breath fans his skin when you sigh. The wet patch on the fabric only starts to spread when he starts rubbing you. โYou like that?โย
โYeah,โ you tell him on an exhale, letting your hips roll against his hand, whimpering at the friction.ย
Your mouth quickly finds his again, and you let your hand clutch at his shirt, balling it up in your first before tugging at it, parting to take it off of him. With wide eyes, you gape at his torso, the word โShit,โ falling from your mouth while you let a hand rest on his stomach.ย
When he tries pushing your panties to the side, the soaked material sticks to your slit slightly, and Jay groans despite himself. Youโre absolutely drenched in slick, sopping wet to the core as you let out a broken whine from the feeling of his finger slipping into you. Curling his finger towards your belly button, his eyes fall shut, cock throbbing against his thigh when he thinks about how youโd feel around his shaft, how youโd look under him.
โYouโre so good,โ you whisper, awestruck and trembling in his lap.
The way you watch him makes him feel a little under pressure when he opens his eyes, but, determined to make you feel good, Jay attaches his thumb to your clit and everything is so slick that his finger slips around a bit before he can help it. You squirm in his lap, your head falling forward into the crook of his neck, forcing Jay to hiss when you bite on the skin of his shoulder. Your whimpers turn into cries and you mumble that youโre close, your walls tensing around him a moment later as if to prove your point.ย
Jay pulls his fingers out, holding back a moan at the way they glisten in the light, coated in youโ โNooo,โ you whine, sounding audibly distraught.ย
Though heโs too busy tasting your cunt on his fingers to grace you with a response. In the quiet of the room, you sit up properly to look at him, watching with parted lips as Jay sucks on his fingers, humming at the way you taste. You barely give him a chance to put his hand back down before pressing your lips to his, moaning into his mouth as you taste yourself on his tongue.ย
Getting a tight grip on your waist, he moves around a bit to lay you down on the bed. Resting on his forearm, Jay leans over you, kissing you again. He lets his hand trail down your body, liking the way you spread your legs when he dips his fingers into your waistband. You nod eagerly when he asks if he can take them off, and his cock throbs when you tell him to take your panties off too.ย
With no unnecessary fabric in his way, his finger drags up and down the length of your pussy. Already close, it doesnโt take long for you to start whimpering and squirming underneath him, your walls stuttering once again as you cum, hot and hard on his hand.ย
Ever the gentleman, Jay stands up to place himself between your legs, groaning at the sight of you, pulsing and wet. โSuch a pretty pussy,โ he says. Deciding not to waste another second, he uses his thumbs to spread your lips a little before burying his face in your cunt.ย
It doesnโt take much for you to writhe under his tongue, and as soon as he kisses your clit itโs a wrap. He feels his cock leaking a little when your clit starts to throb between his lips, and he canโt help but groan when you tug at his hair.ย
You stutter through the words: โToo much,โ and Jay tears his mouth away from you, letting his forehead rest on your inner thigh while he catches his breath, savouring your taste on his tongue. It doesnโt last long though; your scent drives him crazy. When Jay leans back over your face, he presses kisses to your cheek, mumbling to you about how pretty you are, and how good you taste, all while playing with the drawstrings of your hoodie.ย
He likes the way it looks on you, way better than it does on him. Likes it so much, he almost objects when you sit up to pull it over your head. Jayโs glad he doesnโt. He gulps at the sight of your breasts, surprised to see that you werenโt wearing anything under his hoodie, his dick somehow growing harder just from looking at you.ย
Jay feels an intense desperation to suck on them, but your hands reach back up to his face, pulling him towards you to kiss him again. He settles (ecstatically) for holding one in his hand, pinching your nipple with his fingers. Heโs relaxed, heโs happy; not torn up about it because he has all the time in the world to feel your tits in his mouth.ย
He thinks.ย
Jay pulls away from you. โWait,โ he says, feeling butterflies when you smile up at him. โCan I be your boyfriend?โ
Your giggle sounds like music and he feels warm all over when you say, โOf course,โ the words somewhat muffled by his lips on yours again, he could make out with you all day. But he stops for a moment, looking down at you, into your eyes and revelling in this moment. Revelling in you, his girlfriend, and the way you look at him. Like he put the stars in the sky or moved mountains; like you want him just as much as heโs wanted you all this time. And he wonders what heโs done to deserve it.ย
Overwhelmed by emotion, Jay kisses you, lets his tongue run along the seam of your lips as he considers just kissing you for the rest of the night. It almost seems like heโs trying to, and you speak once more against his mouth.ย
โAre you gonna fuck me?โ you ask, moving your head to the side. โItโs okay if youโre not, but Iโd like to know.โย
Jay smirks at you โ pretty cocky for a guy whose dick is throbbing against his thigh just from hearing you talk. โYou want that?โ
โMhm,โ you hum, nodding. โNeed it.โ Your gaze burns into his as he tries to process your words. You look distractingly beautiful with a thin sheen of sweat on your forehead, lidded eyes, and kiss-plumped lips that you press up against his once more. โThereโs condoms in the second drawer.โ
Leaning up off of you, Jay reaches into his back pocket to show off the two condoms heโd brought with him.
โClassy,โ you tease, though thereโs an excitement in your eyes that drives him mad.ย
โResponsible,โ he corrects, standing up to pull his pants and underwear down. Slapping against his stomach, his cock throbs when he hears you gasp. Jay lifts his head in your direction, trying not to cum on the spot from the sight of you leaning up on your elbows, staring at his dick with an open mouth.ย
Taking a deep breath, Jay reminds himself that he has all the time in the world to find out what your pretty lips will feel like around him, choosing to busy himself with putting the condom on instead. โHow do you want it?โย
If the way you stop and stammer through the word โHoweverโ is anything to go by, the question seems to catch you off guard. Making his way back over to you, Jay racks his brain trying to figure out how he wants this to go, but seeing you on your back with your legs spread for him makes it clear. He hovers over you, lips drawn to yours like a magnet, using his hand to run the tip of his cock up and down your pussy, all while you whine against his mouth every time he pushes past your clit.ย
โDonโt want to wait any longer.โ
Your words make his stomach turn. He pulls away, his brows knitted together. โHow long have you been waiting?โย
โMonths, Jay,โ you say, voice barely above a whisper, eyes screwed shut in a tortured expression. โPlease.โย
Satisfied with your answer, Jay guides his cock to your slit. Pushes just a little. โI wonโt make you wait like that again,โ he tells you, and he means it, pushing in as much as he can before you cry out.ย
Worried, Jay stops, leaning close to press a kiss to your cheek. โYou okay?โย
โI just need a sec,โ you tell him breathlessly.
Jay nods. As good as he feels, quitting while heโs ahead seems like the better option at the minute โ he needs a sec too, but with the way your walls clench around him, it doesnโt really feel like much has changed. He finds himself having to hold his hips back after a while, as you get used to the feeling of him inside, your pretty little cunt starts trying to suck him in and his breath hitches in his throat when you look him in the eye.ย
With a hand on the back of his neck, you pull his face back down to yours. โIโm good,โ you mumble into his ear.ย
โYeah?โ he asks, grinning when you nod in response.ย
You stretch around him so easily that Jay whines as you take him in, deeper and deeper, inch by inch until he bottoms out. โShit,โ he mutters. How did he go so long without this? The sting of your nails digging into his bicep makes him hiss and he all but passes out when you moan. Falling from your mouth on a loop with every move he makes, his name is the most beautiful thing heโs ever heard; you cut yourself off with a gasp, breath hitching in your throat.
โThere?โ Jay asks, even though he knows heโs hitting your spot.ย
You look up at him through fluttering eyelids, becoming more and more dazed each time his hips smack yours. โMhm, Iโclose,โ you mumble.ย
Jay takes this as a sign to hike your leg up around his waist, making sure to hit it each time he pumps into you. It seems like itโs working. โCum for me, baby,โ he whispers, using his free hand to push some of your hair out of your face.ย
Your whines turn into broken sobs and you hide your face in the pillow next to you, muffling your screams. Although he thinks your consideration for your flatmates is coming a bit late, he leaves you be, finding the sight sexier than he cares to admit.ย
Sexier still is the way your body tenses before squirming again, your walls pulsing uncontrollably around him while you cum. Jayโs stomach starts to tighten as he fucks you, spurred on by the look on your face as you orgasm, and the sound of his cock filling you up. With a few more thrusts and a jagged moan, he spills his load into the condom, just about collapsing on top of you.ย
Considering how fucked out and sleepy youโd been while Jay cleaned you up, he isnโt surprised to find you fast asleep when he gets back from cleaning himself. He does his best to join you in bed as softly as possible but itโs no use because you wake with a large yawn, making his heartache from a weird mixture of guilt and how cute you look.ย
He lays on his back, grinning to himself when you rest your head on his chest, making yourself comfy with an arm and leg slung over him. You talk drowsily about watching The Devil Wears Prada in full after his game tomorrow and nod eagerly when he asks if you want to wear one of his jerseys to come and watch him play. Jay keeps his eyes shut until he hears you snoring faintly, and looks forward to teasing you about it in the morning.
When he stares straight ahead at your ceiling, a fuzzy feeling rises in his chest. โI put my star on the ceiling too,โ he whispers, knowing you canโt hear him, but feeling happy nonetheless.
Huddled up under Jayโs jacket, you sit on the half wall outside the football house with Chaewon, watching as Jeno blows smoke from his super king over his shoulder. Though given the way that the wind blows it back in your faces, the two of you may as well have taken him up on his offer to share.ย
Letting Chaewon rest her head on your shoulder, you take a sip of your drink and feel thankful to the version of you from five minutes ago who let Jay fill your cup with lemonade instead of vodka. The two of you laugh along with Jeno until you see Yunjin rushing out of the double doors and into the garden.ย
โIs there anything wrong with my outfit?โ she asks, giving the three of you a twirl so you can check and mumbling a โthank youโ to Jeno who reaches his arm out to stop her from falling over in the process.ย
Yunjinโs outfit looks fine. At first. Until you notice the massive hole in the left side of her skirt; the sight of which leaves you and Chaewon wiping tears of laughter. Through cackles and a slight stomach ache, you manage to ask what happened.ย
โI got caught on something, like, an hour ago, and I wasnโt hurt or anything so I forgot about it, and then I went out front and felt the craziest breeze on my thigh and I looked down and.. half of my skirt is just.. missing,โ she explains, pausing only to take a draw from Jenoโs cigarette. โDoes it look intentional at least?โย
You almost choke on your drink when Chaewon suggests using her acrylics to make an identical hole on the side, telling her to market the holes as โcutoutsโ and try selling it on Depop.ย
โVintage, Y2K, I.AM.GIA, Destinyโs Child, Britney Spears,โ she says, although sheโs had so much to drink that it all comes out as one word. โDonโt laugh at me, write it down! Babe, quick, take pictures!โย
Yunjin poses dramatically while Jeno takes product photos on her phone, and in the space between them, through the double doors, you see your boyfriend standing next to the dining table, his friends laughing around him while he stares over in your direction with a sweet smile on his face.ย
And even though you canโt say for sure, youโre just glad that here, tonight, you have a pretty good idea of why Park Jongseongโs smiling at you.
ยฉ zreamy (2023), all rights reserved. do not repost, translate, or plagiarise my work. do let my know your thoughts !
permanent taglist: @asahicore
#jay smut#enhypen smut#enha smut#enhypen scenarios#jay scenarios#jay x reader#jay park smut#jay park#jay park x reader#enhypen imagines#enhypen oneshots#jay oneshots#jay imagines#enhypen hard hours#fic.jay
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Lose It
Grand Admiral Thrawn x Female Reader
Summary: As Governor Pryce's assistant, you've had to put up with a lot of things and meet a lot of stuck up imperials with flying colors, but when Grand Admiral Thrawn lands on Lothal, you find yourself stuttering upon your words, flustered, and invited to a gala dinner that'll define your career.
Tags/warnings: SMUT. 18+ adults only. Corporate struggles, Pryce being mean, first meetings, alcohol consumption, making out, PiV sex unprotected, fingering. This is my first time in a long while writing Thrawn, so sorry if any of this is ooc.
Word count: 8042
Playlist: Lose it by Oh Wonder - and its Jerry Folk Remix for the smut ๐
Read on AO3 | One-shot masterlist | Main masterlist |
With your eyes glued to the datapad, you felt as if caf would be the only thing to get you through that morning.
Sunrises on Lothal were beautiful, and yet, you were never able to enjoy them. Your desk on the seventh floor, a place relatively close to the much more humane office destined for your boss, was in a tiny reception room that had no windows; you'd have to walk a good kilometer inside the facility for you to get a glimpse of the outside world. You didn't mind the walking - it was always good for your mind whenever you felt saturated - but lately it seemed as if your boss had the uncanny ability to always demand something new from you whenever you resolved to walk out that door to do anything remotely human. Never being one to be superstitious, when it came to Governor Pryce, you wouldn't give her any more leverage.
You scoffed lightly at yourself. With the boss you had, it was a miracle the cup of caf you were drinking was actually for yourself and not for her. You had a little wager going on in your head to see what else that woman could take from you - so far, she'd already claimed your motivation and a good chunk of your faith in the Empire.
You regretted having Pryce on your thoughts when a notification pushed itself to the corner of your datapad.ย I'm not available, you thought to yourself, as if that had ever kept you from doing anything that was beneath you before, or worse, getting locked in a task that would absorb all your time and sucked the energy out of you like a leech. There never seemed to be an in between. You scanned the subject and, though you didn't hear alarms being set off in your mind, you did find your interest piqued.
URGENT: Imperial High Command Visit, Subject Classified. All imperial personnel directly reporting to levels SC6 and above must report to direct management for instructions.
And sure enough, you'd have no more peace for the remainder of the morning when you read that. You downed the rest of your caf and mentally braced yourself for what was to come. It wasn't uncommon for you to receive messages like that, but something big usually happened when you did, and you were used to finding out who or what it was about until the very last moments. It looked like it would simply be one of those days, so you grabbed your datapad and left your desk, making your way across the little reception room and into Pryce's office.
One thing you figured youย couldย appreciate about Pryce was that there was never any beating around the bush, and it always made things a lot quicker, even in situations when it felt like you were having a band aid ripped from you. More like a piece of duct tape, but it was quick either way. And when you walked into her office, your back straight and gaze placed directly on your boss, donning what she would deem the desirable posture of an Imperial public servant, Pryce was already standing up from behind her desk with her blue eyes piercing into you.
Only she could make such a beautiful eye color look so menacing.
"You're here not two minutes after my comm was sent," Pryce commented. "I want that efficiency from you every day."
Youย wereย that efficient every day, but you weren't about to argue with Pryce about her short-sightedness.
"Put everything you were working with on hold for now," Pryce told you.
You didn't question the importance of the current events, but you never liked it when she told you to cast things aside to make room for her new wishes.
"I need you to send this out as a comm to all staff levels SC5 and below," Pryce handed you a drive, "and then I need you to make sure Congregation Room 2 is set to receive a minimum of seven people, but leave three extra chairs and make sure it's well stocked in refreshments. Put all my comms outside of lines 1 and 2 on standby, redirect comms from lines 4 and 6 towards you, I'm sure those are all things you can handle."
Pryce began walking past you outside of her office, leaving you to follow as you made a mental list of what she was asking.
"Do not answer any questions you're asked by anyone," Pryce continued. "At the most, tell anyone who wants to know to refer to the comm I'm asking you to send out. Now, in that hard drive you'll find the comm, two diagrams, a statement, and a final comm different to the first one which must be sent out only to levels SC6 and above - they are all in the order they're meant to be sent out and the time and date is encrypted in their properties. Stick to them like clockwork, and program anything you need ahead of time. We cannot afford mistakes, I hope I'm clear about that. Once you're done with these duties, find me. I'll need you at my side the whole day."
"Yes, Governor Pryce," you answered with your most professional tone.
Pryce stopped in front of your desk in the reception. "One more thing. Tomorrow night there will be a welcoming gala on the higher levels of the facility. I assume you have something to wear?"
"Ma'am?" You questioned, inevitably puzzled. You were open to many requests from Pryce, and while nearly nothing surprised you anymore, it really sounded like Pryce was inviting you to a fancy event.
"You won't be dancing and fine dining," Pryce sneered. "You'll be assisting me as well as the logistics staff for the event. And, I cannot repeat this with enough emphasis, weย cannotย afford mistakes. Understand?"
"Yes, ma'am," you answered again.
Pryce was about to leave the reception and finally give you room to work, but she stopped and looked at you again.
"Ah, and refill the caf pots for the entire floor, we're all going to need it," Pryce spat before finally leaving without so much as a thank you or goodbye.
Would you like me to refill the fat cats' caf pots before or after I send out a highly important, classified comm to the entire facility?ย It was all you could do not to roll your eyes. You didn't want any cameras catching you in the act.
Luckily, you'd gotten very good at prioritizing. The high commands could wait for their caf, and if they couldn't, they could very well brew it themselves. The first thing on the list was checking the drive Pryce had given you so that you could write out any comms and either send them or program them, so you plugged the drive into your computer. You found that one of the diagrams Pryce had told you about wasn't meant to be sent out, but rather, it was full of instructions for you. And according to those instructions, you'd have time to be a professional performing tasks worthy of her level before fulfilling a caf quest that was very much beneath you.
But the other diagram caught your eye - it was a command structure you'd never seen before. You knew many of the names on it, and when you read the one at the top, began to grasp the magnitude of what was happening at Lothal. It seemed Pryce wouldn't be the top authority on the planet anymore, she'd now be answering to someone who carried a title far more imposing than hers.
The diagram was meant to be sent out with the first comm, so you read the draft, and you didn't know whether you should panic, be excited, or hide from anyone who already recognized you as assistant to the Governor who would want privileged answers. Words like Command Structure Reformation, High Level Staff Transition, and Low-level Cost Reduction caught your eye. You'd heard whispers of new projects and seen the factories that were being built on Lothal from afar, and it seemed you were the one being tasked with telling the facility about that. But you had the hunch something like this would only leave everyone with more questions than answers. No wonder Pryce had warned you about people asking you things, but you doubted it was out of any effort to protect you. She'd essentially just asked you to keep from saying anything that might spill any secrets.
You sent out the first comm immediately and scheduled anything else for the day, including the comm about the galaโthat one got you wondering if you'd at least be paid extra, but you had little faith in that. When you were done with that, you locked the computer and removed the drive, and you took your datapad with you as well for whatever came up. You were now headed towards Congregation Room 2 to oversee its preparations, hoping to swiftly fulfill the second part of your instructions for that morning, but as you were leaving the reception room and entering the main hallway, you were abruptly almost bumped into by Pryce herself, who rushed down the hall followed by three Imperial men in high-ranking uniforms. Despite her urgency, she stopped to glare at you.
"Do not tell me you're only just finishing the comms," Pryce snarled. "Hurry up and fill the pots! Are you trying to make the staff furious?"
Without any other acknowledgement towards you, Pryce and the other imperials continued on their way. You felt heat rushing to your cheeks with the words you couldn't say to her, such as how perhaps she forgot what it was like to do routine comm writing or basically any other task the commoner would have to do any day and how long some of those could take ever since she got a high horse and an assistant. But you also knew if you stood there pondering, you'd get yelled at againโthe fact that Pryce had chosen to doย thatย in front of others made your blood boil, but as much as you didn't appreciate being humiliated as "that aloof assistant" in front of anyone, you had things to do, lowly as they were.
Another push notification presented itself on your datapad, which you stopped in your tracks to look at.
From: Governor Pryce
On your desk I left a stack of binders for Congregation Room 2. Do not forget them.
You added that little detail to the list of things to keep track of.
With each pot of caf you filled, a tiny part in your brain wondered if anyone would notice if you spat in it. The thought amused you, but you also feared Pryce far too much to try any stunts like that. Something told you she'd notice you sabotaging a pot of caf even if she was on a different planet. You let your fantasies of getting away with mischief get you through that particularly unpleasant part of the morning and finally headed back to your desk for the binders from Pryce and then towards the congregation room, walking so fast you would run if you went any quicker. It was a miracle you didn't drop the binders in the middle of the hallway, and you were happy fate was apparently smiling at you that day to prevent any more embarrassment in front of Imperial high command.
When you arrived, you were pleased to see that the room wasn't a mess. The large table in the center was perfectly clean, with no traces of dust, and the chairs had already been pushed in and straightened out neatly. The room had that corporate smell to it that you both loved and hated, and it was so quiet that it was oddly peaceful. You liked the way the blueish-gray walls were embellished by the large paintings on the walls, one on each of the longer sides of the room. You wished you had more time to admire them both, one of the landscapes of Lotha, and the other one far more abstract with bright shades of orange, magenta, some yellow, and hints of gold on a cream-colored canvas.
You set a binder down on each spot of the table, and then you tested the light dimmers in the room. You then placed a bottle of water next to each binder, and finally, you brewed a pot of caf for the Congregation Room that you hoped would be your last, at least for that day. Still, you admitted you could use another cup of fully loaded black caf yourself.
For a while, the sound of the caf brewing was the only thing to fill your ears. You watched the rich, dark droplets falling into the pot and filling it, letting your mind get some sort of rest. You had the strange feeling that you'd been worked to the bone and yet you hadn't accomplished anything that day... that was a feeling you got very often in your job.
"Strange to see two very opposing art pieces put together in one room," a deep, male voice inundated your senses, rich and luxurious like the caf filling the pot in front of you.
Despite the voice's velvet qualities, you jumped up on the spot, startled, and you turned to face its source.
"I apologize, I did not mean to startle you," he said. He was a tall Chiss man in a white uniform, his profile frame facing you as he faced the painting of the landscape of Lothal's countryside. His posture was regal, with his hands placed behind his back, resting in lightly formed fists. "It would seem a more traditional choice to have paintings that are similar to one another, enough for them to complement but not cause any redundancy."
When he finished speaking, the man looked at you, his deep crimson gaze both gentle and penetrating on you.
"Would you agree?" He asked you.
You didn't have an idea of what to answer, and even if you did, you were stunned. You'd never crossed paths with someone like him before - his aura was intoxicating, and the fact that he had deemed you worthy of addressing spiraled in your mind. Any other imperial would have looked at you over the nose and deemed their time too important to waste on a mere assistant.
"I-I-" You paused to clear your throat, cursing your sudden inability to speak. "I have indeed seen that tendency in other places, just not here. Personally, I like the other painting a lot more."
Your mind began to race as you worried whether you were supposed to salute him or do anything, but it would depend on his rank. You figured standing up straight and not making a further fool out of yourself would suffice, but you looked over at the plaque over his chest just to be sure.
It wasn't a pattern or a rank you recognized. Had that man smitten youย thatย hard?
He gave you the hint of a smile before turning around and looking at the other painting, the abstract piece, and he took his time to admire it. You wondered if perhaps you should offer him a cup of caf, ask him if he was there for the staff meeting, comment more on the painting... you had no clue.
But the silence was suffocating you, and you knew you wanted to hear more of his luscious voice. You looked at the plaque on his chest and took your best guess at his rank judging by the sequence of colors - you didn't get to be assistant to the Governor without memorizing imperial structure level well before.
"Admiral," you stammered minimally, "is there something I can help you with?"
Slowly, his frame turned towards you, his lips again curved ever so slightly. "It is Grand Admiral, actually."
You felt heat rushing to your cheeks - even your best guess based on your experience didn't save you from messing up in front of the greatest force of nature that facility had seen in a while.
"O-oh, I apogolize--er, apologize," you stuttered.
You wanted to scream, so you resorted to just doing it internally. It then dawned on you who this man really was based on his rank alone. The reason your morning had been so hectic was standing right there in front of you, watching you squirm. This was the man Governor Pryce would answer to from now on. Grand Admiral Thrawn. You straightened your back at the realization and bowed your head shortly before looking him in the eyes again, and much to your surprise, he seemed amused with you. Not in the high-and-mighty way, but rather, it was almost as if something about you was endearing.
"You may be at ease," Thrawn said. "I would like to hear your thoughts on this abstract piece. You said you prefer this over the other one."
You breathed in before speaking and hoped your language skills didn't fail you again, and you took just a couple of paces closer to him, allowing yourself to view the painting better.
"Well, I'm no expert," you warned.
"You do not have to be," Thrawn mused. "Appreciation of the arts can be enhanced by knowledge, but the true purpose of art is to produce sensations in the viewer. Any insight you may have to share is valuable."
You looked at the painting again and found it in yourself to relax. "I like the warmth of the colors. And their livelihood, too. It makes me think of freedom, and the gold flecks seem to speak about the beauty of that freedom, as well as the luxury of having it."
"This desire of freedom speaks to you?" He asked you.
You then realized you were talking about lacking freedom to an Imperial Grand Admiral, and you felt your already racing heart quicken.
"I'm grateful for my work and I have no complaints," you corrected despite your many complaints about your boss that morning, easing yourself back into what the painting produced within you. "It's just that... the bright pinks and oranges are hard not to notice in the middle of these gray walls... they can become confining after too many hours in them."
"Hm," Thrawn hummed. "I always prefer having a view myself. I share your sentiment."
You figured having a Grand Admiral's agreement on an art matter was the biggest compliment you'd get that day.
"Might I ask," you began, "what do you think of it?"
Thrawn side-eyed you, but the attitude with which he did it seemed pleased, as well as intrigued with you. He then looked at the painting again. "This color palette reminds me of a current I've been witnessing in none other but rebellious efforts. There is a certain diversity to it, as well as the clear nature of abstract art mirroring the rebellion itself. Your observations of the contrast of the color with the gray of our facilities and the need for freedom only confirm to me that I was not far off with my own initial interpretation."
You were dazed, and the need to speak more plunged into you like thorns.
"How interesting," you said with an airy voice. "For these sorts of emotions to be manifested to multiple people in a similar way."
"Yes," Thrawn said. "Though current context may have some influence on this... collective perception."
Before the conversation could advance, you heard the sound of Governor Pryce's voice approaching from down the hall, her words quick and frantic, clashing with your and Thrawn's aura like nails scratching smooth stone. Soon enough, Pryce appeared at the door of the room with a large number of Imperials behind her, and though she was relieved to find Thrawn there, you could tell she was displeased at the sight of you standing with him.
"Grand Admiral, please excuse the lack of hospitality," Pryce said as she glared at you.
"Not at all, Governor Pryce, I have been well-received," Thrawn said; you could have sworn you noticed him glance at you as he did.
Regardless of Thrawn trying to ease some of the weight off you, the last thing you wanted was to have Pryce suspect anything less than decent coming from you. But fortunately, you noticed Pryce scanning the room, hopefully noticing everything was set up exactly according to her instruction. And now that she had come to you, it wasn't necessary for you to go out and look for her like she'd told you earlier.
Pryce suppressed a scoff. "Yes, well, it appears this room has been prepared properly for your arrival." She then faced the rest of the Imperials behind her. "Please come in. My assistant will help accommodate you."
You understood the instruction and acknowledged Thrawn one last time before walking over to the doorway and directing multiple people towards their chairs around the table. Before Pryce took her own seat, she approached you and leaned in close to your shoulder - your mind raced with the question of whether she would congratulate or choke you.
"You are not to be left alone with the Grand Admiral again, do you understand?" She whispered, but the aggression of her tone was anything but inconspicuous.
"Yes ma'am," you acknowledged without trying to offer any explanation in return.
"Stay here at the back of the room," Pryce ordered. "Oblige to any request these officers may have. I don't want slip-ups."
"Yes, ma'am," you repeated.
"And this goes without saying, but none of what you are about to hear us discuss leaves this room," Pryce added. "This is of the highest confidentiality."
You nodded. "I understand, ma'am."
You knew Pryce was mad at finding you alone with Thrawn, but if she still kept you at that meeting, you had no reason to fear you'd be unemployed tomorrow. The meeting took hours, all through which you kindly obliged to whatever was needed from you.
And you felt crimson eyes on you all the while.
*
The morning after, bright and early, you arrived at your office and noticed a surprise on your desk. Pryce was nowhere to be seen, but on top of the stack of folders and datapads waiting for you to check on them, there was a bag over your desk with a delicate parchment on it that had your name written in ink. It looked large enough to hold a gown, and you remembered Pryce had mentioned something about you having an outfit for the welcoming gala you'd attend that night.
Pryce got me a dress? Employer review season must be coming up.
You pushed the jokes aside in your brain and decided to be more appreciative. Besides, it was far more likely Pryce would rather give you what she wanted you to wear before risking letting you make a poor fashion choice, thus surely rendering the welcoming gala a complete, unsaveable failure.
You took the parchment from the bag and noticed the other side of it had more writing on it.
Art deserves to be appreciated.
You felt your heart skip a beat and the oxygen leaving your head. That dress wasn't from Pryce, it was from Thrawn. It made you all the more motivated to unzip the dress bag and look at what was inside, and you felt your breath leaving your body when you saw the exquisite black fabric of the long gown. The outer layer of the dress was primarily lace, with sequins and beads very discreetly forming delicate flower forms every few inches. You knew it was high couture when your fingertips brushed the fabric, the quality evident under your touchโyou tried not to think how much it cost.
Were you even supposed to accept a gift like that? You werenโt sure. It might not even fit, and even if it did, maybe you were expected to return it after the gala.
But who were you to refuse a request from a Grand Admiral? Itโs not as if Pryce hadnโt told you to oblige to anything those Imperials the day before, and to your knowledge, that included Thrawn.
That day at work didnโt have you running up and down the facility like the day before, constantly required at Pryceโs side, beck, and call, but the workload didnโt stop. Between comms regarding structure changes, further details being given to the public, overseeing preparations for the gala and familiarizing yourself with the guestlist of the event, and the routine work you always did day to day for Pryce, you were hardly able to leave your desk.
But all that made the end of the day much sweeter, and when you were off your shift, you hurried home with the gown in hand. Quickly, you showered, dried your hair and styled it for the night, dolled yourself up with makeup and perfume, and at last, it was time for the dress. You were suddenly nervous about the dress not fitting, but when you tried it on, it slipped on you with ease and hugged your silhouette beautifully. The crop of the dress was perfect for your body type, and it accentuated your curves in all the right places.
Either Thrawn had someone investigate all your measurements to find the perfect fit, or he was able to eye you up and down and determine that for himself. Either way, your heart began to race. Youโd be lying if you said you didnโt like the attention you were getting.
You grabbed a pair of shoes that went well with the dress and added some finishing touches to yourself, and you still had about an hour to spare before the time Pryce had asked you to be at the facility pre-event. You were out your door regardless. You figured, for an event like that, arriving sooner couldnโt hurt if only it meant having a bit more control over it.
As Pryceโs assistant, youโd been to the higher levels of the capitol a few times before for events of the sort, but youโd never seen the place decorated like it was now. The burgundy walls looked even more opulent with the warm golden lighting, and there were several tables laid out around a dance floor, each one decorated with similar burgundy, wine, and gold motifs with extravagant floral centerpieces and delicate glassware for each member that would occupy a spot in them. At the head of the dance floor there was an elongated table whose decoration matched that of the others, with exactly seven seats on it. Your chest fluttered when you glanced at the middle seat. Your day of overseeing preparations for the event had made you all too familiar with who would be occupying that spot.
You still had a job to do. You made sure the logistics team was spot on with last-minute arrangements, verifying there was enough food and wine for everyone who would be there. You went to confirm that every sound, music, and holo-projection worked properly and no one would be embarrassed on behalf of technical difficulties. Because of you, everything was spot-on well before any guests started arriving.
Timely as always, the first one to do so was Pryce. She donned an elegant gown, but as elegant as she looked, she still had that authoritarian air to her, rather than the aura of someone who went to enjoy herself. And she looked around the room not turning up her nose at anything; it seemed she was satisfied with your work for the time being. She walked up to you, and although youโd done a good job, you knew not to expect congratulations from her.
โPerform routine checks every fifteen minutes,โ she instructed. โLight, sound, refreshments, staffโwe need full stock at all times.โ
โYes, maโam,โ you replied.
It was only then that Pryce stopped and looked at you up and down.
โWhere did you get a gown like that?โ She questioned. โYou look like a guest.โ โIt just happened to be lying around,โ you answered. No way were you about to tell her it was a gift from Thrawn.
โYes, well, good on you for matching the eventโs elegance,โ Pryce said. โI shall leave you to your duties. I need to receive the guests at the door, but youโll need to take them to their places.โ
If you didnโt know any better, youโd swear Pryce had just complimented you in some way. Regardless, you obliged to her orders and powered up your datapad to view the seating charts, and soon enough, everyone began to arrive. You were grateful youโd chosen a comfortable pair of shoes for the night, otherwise your feet would have already been killing you from walking up and down the room taking everyone to their places. You were unaware of how much time had gone past, but it seemed like youโd successfully gotten almost everyone to their chairs. The next time you were at the entrance to receive your next guest, you glanced down at your datapad to get a clearer vision of how many seats were still empty.
You then looked up to find crimson eyes staring at you, and you were unable to control the smile that curved your lips. In turn, Thrawnโs gaze traced your entire silhouette, and the intoxicating scent of your perfume didnโt escape him. His faint smile held triumph; he was always pleased when his plans worked out according to his machination.
โMay I lead you towards your seat?โ You asked him.
He nodded and, to your surprise, Thrawn held out his arm bent at a right angle and offered it to you. You raised your eyebrows and looked at him, puzzled.
โA lady must never cross a ballroom such as this unescorted,โ he said to you.
If you hadnโt been working that night, you already would have given out.
You obliged to Thrawnโs offer and linked your arm in his as you led him towards the long table at the top of the dance floor. It was hard to ignore the looks you were getting, and you were privy to the confusion in the eyes of many of the people who were looking your way, no doubt questioning themselves why such a lovely lady at the arm of the Grand Admiral was also clearly an employee. You were certain that if they hadnโt already seen you leading them to their spots with a datapad in your hands, you would have been mistaken for Thrawnโs plus one.
You reached the table and gestured at the middle seat, where Thrawn sat in all his regality. With a final nod of acknowledgement, you smiled at him and made your way back towards the entrance, aware of the fact that you swayed your hips slightly more than usual as you walked away.
Hours wore on. Your management of the event was spotless, and everything was on schedule. The food during dinner was warm, and no one was left waiting obscenely long for a refill of their drink. Speeches were made by the staff, including Pryce and Thrawn himself, talking not only about the supremacy of the Empire but also the great plans they had in mind for Lothalโbut youโd already heard enough of that during the meeting the day before.
After dinner and all the formalities, the gathering turned more festive and people took to the dance floor to sway to the elegant string music. From that point on, the night also relaxed for you and the rest of the staff, as everyone was mostly just minding their own business. You stood at the corner of the room watching as everyone danced, and you couldnโt help but search for Thrawn with your gaze. A part of you hoped not to find him dancing with another lucky woman, but you shook the thought away. He wasnโt on the dance floor anyway.
In fact, you couldnโt spot him anywhere.
Your thoughts were interrupted when Pryce rushed to you, seemingly concerned.
โYou need to get General Perkins some water,ย now,โ she said.
You nodded and pulled your datapad out. โGetting a waiter on it nowโโ
โNo,โ Pryce interrupted. โNo, the man is drunk out of his mind. I fear what heโll do if heโs confronted by a waiter. You at least look the part of a partygoer.โ
โO-okay,โ you obliged.
โHurry,โ Pryce growled before walking off.
You partly understood the urgency; you didnโt want a drunk imperial on your hands either. You hurried over to the bar and filled two glasses with water and carried both on a tray with your data pad on the other hand. You tried to make your way around the dance floor, but everyone was gathered around the tables at the edges, and from afar, you noticed General Perkins already beginning to swoon in his seat, his eyes threatening to close as he laughed absently.
Yeah, no wonder Pryce had told you to hurry. The dance floor wasnโt as crowded anywayโyou figured you had better chances going through it.
You came to regret your decision when, halfway across the dancefloor, another less than graceful Imperial general crashed into you. You managed to keep your balance and not fall, but your datapad was knocked out of your hand and slammed to the floor loudly. The water from both of the glasses splashed all over you, and the glasses shattered on the floor scandalously followed by the clanking of the silver tray after them.
Everyone around you took several steps back, leaving you exposed. The general whoโd crashed into you disappeared without acknowledging you, and you were the sole center of embarrassment, feeling as the blood rushed to your face. You wanted to hide, but multiple pairs of eyes pierced into you, judging you, whispering amongst themselves words you didnโt even want to speculate.
Pryce rushed towards you and glanced at the scene before glaring straight into your soul.
โYouโre fired,โ she spat, and as she left, she gestured at two nearby waiters to clean up the mess.
Your chest heaved up and down as you processed what had just happened, and just as you were about to run away from the scene, you felt your hand being taken and an arm gripping swiftly at your waist. You gasped when Thrawn came into your view in front of you, holding you up despite what had just happened, and you could almost feel everyoneโs soul leaving their body. Before Thrawn met your gaze, he looked over at the band and with a single nod instructed them to begin playing. When the music resumed, Thrawnโs gaze finally met yours, and he led you across the dance floor, spinning you and waltzing with you, becoming one with the music.
Your jaw dropped, and your eyes on him were dreamy. โWhy are you doing this?โ
He smiled at you, purposefully spinning the two of you more elaborately. โDance, my darling. Dance.โ
Exhaling all the tension in your chest, you smiled up at Thrawn and let him dance you away.
Around you, couples began to swarm to the dance floor once more minding the waiters cleaning up the shattered glass. In the second plane, you could hear the drunken general already making a mess, but that wasnโt your problem anymore now that Pryce had fired you. You simply let Thrawn lead the way, and when you werenโt dancing with him, you were at his side with your arm in his, holding a glass of champagne in your free hand that you never would have gotten as an assistant, and you actually found it in yourself to enjoy the evening.
When it was late, Thrawn led you outside to the courtyard. You both stopped and looked each other in the eyesโhe towered over you, and you loved that. You smiled softly at him, eyes seemingly sparkling in the dark.
โThank you for what you did back there,โ you said.
Thrawnโs faint smile widened almost imperceptibly. โMy pleasure.โ
You looked down, blushing. โThank you for the gown, too.โ
Thrawn gave a low chuckle. โYou look exquisite in it.โ
A thought formed in the back of your mind at what heโd just said, and suddenly you found blood rushing between your legs at the idea of you being outside of the beautiful gown.
โShall I take you home?โ He asked you.
Your heart sank, but just as you were about to accept, you noticed Thrawn moving himself closer to you, his hand moving up to your cheek to gently brush your skin.
โOr perhapsโฆ you would like to accompany me?โ Thrawn suggested.
You knew you could say no, but every fiber of your body wanted to follow him wherever he could take you. Slowly, you nodded, desire already flooding your gaze, and the transition from the courtyard to his private quarters went by in a blur. You felt slightly out of touch when you stood in the opulent living room, unsure of what to doโyouโd never done anything of the sort before. The place was absolutely beautiful, though, with a regal blue and silver color palette and a large window overlooking the entire Lothal skyline. The furniture inside was of the highest grade, and there were multiple paintings, crafts, and sculptures decorating the place. Not even in your wildest dreams did you picture yourself standing in a place like that, but regardless, there you were.
Thrawn gestured at the couch in front of an automatic fireplace that ignited when you sat, and he disappeared for a few moments only to return with two glasses of wine. He sat next to you, handing you your glass, setting his cup on the caf table as you took a sip from your cup. That was the best wine youโd ever tasted.
After a few moments in silence, Thrawn took your cup and placed it on the table next to his. His hands went up to cup your face where his fingertips could gently brush the hair growing out of the nape of your neck, and he leaned in to kiss your lips. You sighed into his touch and let him in. your hands brushed up his arms and past his shoulders, and your arms wrapped around his upper back. Part of you expected him to push forward and take you there on that couch, but you felt Thrawn standing and pulling you along with him, pausing his kiss to lead you across the room towards his chamber. The bedroomโs opulent aesthetic matched that of the living room, and when you both entered, you noticed Thrawn pressing a control on the walls that lowered a solid gray curtain over the large window and dimmed the lights.
It was then that your gaze fell on the large bed at the center of the room, causing you to whimper softly in anticipation. You heard Thrawn chuckle softly behind you as he approached you with his fingertips softly tracing up the sides of your arms, landing at your shoulders. He swept your hair away from your neck and you felt his breath fanning over your skin, flooding you with shivers in the best way possible.
โYou are gorgeous,โ Thrawn whispered before kissing you just below your ear. He trailed his kisses down towards your collarbone, stopping where the fabric of your gown began only to make his way back up. You sighed in pleasure as you relished in every tingling sensation left by his lips, and before long, you felt Thrawnโs fingers beginning to undo the zipper at the side of your gown.
You felt the fabric of your dress becoming loose on your body, and as Thrawn continued to lavish your skin, he carefully slipped the dress down your curves. Your body was now exposed, with the only item of fabric left on you being a delicate pair of panties. You turned around on the spot and faced him, watching as his eyes brushed through every inch of your body with hunger. His hands were now on your waist pulling you closer to him again, and he kissed your lips with a brighter fire than before. Your hands snaked up his chest and landed behind his neck, your fingertips playing with his skin just above the rim of his neckline. Thrawn looked handsome in his white uniform, but you wanted him to be naked too.
You wondered if he could read your mind, because as you continued to kiss, Thrawn undid the buttons of his blazer and he cast it aside, proceeding to remove the shirt that covered his skin. With a light moan, you let your hands roam free towards his trousers and undid the belt, button, and zipper, and soon enough, heโd lost all the clothing on his body. You felt his fingertips curling around your panties, spreading the fabric enough to pull it down and let it fall at your feet. His hands explored your curves before he led you towards the bed, letting you lie on your back and taking his place beside you, his broad frame hovering over you.
He kissed your lips again, and you sank into the mattress below as you felt your body shiver with his touch. Thrawnโs fingertips had found your inner thighs, tracing ever so softly and igniting your senses, prompting you to spread your legs nice and slow as he continued to tease the sensitive skin leading up between your legs. You felt your pulse come alive in your clit, aching for his touch, hoping he wouldnโt keep you waiting for so long. Thrawn had been such a gentleman ever since youโd metโฆ surely he wouldnโt let you down when heโd already been doing so well.
Thrawnโs lips curved into a seductive smile, and finally, he traced a sole fingertip from your entrance and up your cunt, dragging the wetness over your sensitive flesh. You couldnโt help the ecstatic moan that left you, and Thrawn wasted no more time. With precision, he began to rub circles around your clit slowly, letting you feelย everything. As your breath deepened, your body started squirming under him, a sight he welcomed with lust. His lips were on yours again, and you kissed him hungrily. Your pants became shorter with every moment that passed, already nearing your release.
But as much as Thrawn wanted you, he wouldnโt be impatient. He would take his time, do it right, the way he approached everything else. His fingers gave your clit a rest, making you whimper in the absence of his touch. Thrawn emerged from your lips and looked into your eyes as he took his fingers down and placed them at your entrance, sliding one slender, long finger inside you and curling it, pressing your sweetest spot. Pleasure instantly flooded your senses, and you felt as if youโd just had a secret revealed to you of the magnitude of the universe itself.
No one had ever made you feel that way.
You grind your hips against his hand, aching for more friction, and Thrawn obliged. The pace with which he fingered you increased just slightly, applying more pressure to set your mind ablaze, and the rest of his hand pressed slightly on your clit, giving you some very welcome sensations on the pearl of nerves. Your tiny whimpers escalated in pitch and in frequency the closer you got, with your hands gripping his hair behind his head, until soon you felt yourself tightening around his finger and your body quivering. Your whimpers became uncontrollable moans, each filled with burning ecstasy. Your head pressed back onto the pillow, and as your body shook, you felt your wetness dripping out between your legs as you rode out your orgasm, never wanting it to stop.
Before you were overstimulated, Thrawn retrieved his hand and pulled you towards him. Now he was lying on his back and you were sitting on the bed, panting to catch your breath. He pulled you closer, prompting you to get on top of him, and you stopped only momentarily to gasp at his erection, long and hard and ready for you. You placed your hands firmly on his muscular chest, steadying yourself, and you opened your legs and shimmied down until you felt his tip at your entrance.
A short moan escaped Thrawn when you slid yourself down on him. You were slow, taking in every moment you could as he stretched you out inside, painful and beautiful all at once. His length was fully inside you, and with a firm grip on your hips, Thrawn thrust up and down, beginning at a slow, luxurious pace. You threw your head back, moaning, then looked down to bask in the sight of his muscular build clenching and relaxing with his movements. You bent over and let your lips kiss whatever spot of Thrawnโs skin was in reach, and the new position gave you a mind-blowing angle for his length to lavish your inner walls, brushing past the spots heโd already left so sensitive from your previous orgasm. Thrawnโs pace quickened, nuzzling your face so that your lips could find his, and locked in a kiss, you continued basking in the bliss.
His hands then firmly grasped your ass and he turned you over on the bed, now on top of you. While Thrawnโs pace had initially been that of a gentleman, slow and at your service, you could tell heโd decided to let go of any bars holding him. His hips hammered into you faster, his teeth baring in a hungry grimace as a single low growl escaped him, and in return, you whimpered delicately as you let him have his way with you. Thrawn was moving faster than you ever could have thought possible for any man, but even that thought would be erased from your mind when you saw white. Your long, ecstatic moans filled the entirety of his quarters when your walls clenched around his girth and your body quaked underneath him, with his name and his rank escaping you loosely before those words became nothing but helpless little whines.
As Thrawn felt himself approaching his release, he lowered himself down on you to kiss your lips. You whimpered into him just as your second orgasm had died down, escalating obscenely quickly into a third one, the sensations peaking when your orgasm blended with his and you felt him release inside you before he relaxed his body on top of you.
After such an endeavor, you had no headspace left for anything but lying there beside him. You heard Thrawn whisper a few words to you, but you couldnโt make sense of any of what he said. The last thing you could register as you curled up on your side was the feeling of a blanket being draped over you and a pair of lips softly pressing a kiss to your forehead, and after that, you were done for the night.
Your sleep was dreamless, and when you woke up the morning after, you didnโt see Thrawn beside you. As you sat up, you felt a beautiful lingering soreness between your legs, and you couldnโt help but giggle to yourself as you remembered the events of the previous night, not just your time alone with Thrawn, but everything that led up to it. The curtain had been lifted from the window, and you saw outside that the sun was well up in the sky, and yet, you didnโt have a worry in the world.
You got out of the bed with the blanket wrapped around your body, and on the nightstand, you noticed a tray with a piece of bread, a glass of juice, and a tiny vase with a single red rose on it. You grinned brightly and felt your cheeks getting hot, and you reached for the little parchment that rested beside the plate of bread, smiling as you read the fine calligraphy.
Have a beautiful day. See you tonight.
You lay on the bed again, smiling with a dreamy sigh and holding the parchment in your hand as you let your mind wonder what youโd do with your newfound time and freedom until the night came and you could see your lover again.
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#moonstrider writes#thrawn x reader#thrawn x you#grand admiral thrawn#star wars rebels fanfic#star wars smut#grand admiral thrawn x reader#grand admiral thrawn x you#rebels thrawn#star wars rebels thrawn#swr thrawn#star wars fanfic#star wars fanfiction#star wars rebels smut
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TRAFFIC LIGHT TRIO X READER STUDY DATE HEADCANONS [seperate + all together!]
Content: reader is gender neutral, could be interpreted as either romantic or platonic
Headcanons under the cut!
RED SON:
โ tries his best to keep you actually focused on the task at hand- doesn't let you goof off, but will allow consistent breaks
โ but alas, once you've asked him a single question he'll derail the conversation twenty times over until he's completely off-topic and explaining something not even in your curriculum
โ not that you mind- it's nice seeing him get passionate over topics he's into
โ he tends to get absorbed into whatever he's working on, so study dates are a good way to get him to eat and drink water regularly alongside you
โ I headcanon him as autistic, so parallel play is one of his favorite things! Enjoys being in your company while you each do your own seperate thing
โ gets very easily frustrated if you're studying something not in his field of expertise [think molecular biology, literature, world geography] and you ask for his help only for him to not understand the question
โ now it's your turn to try and keep him focused instead of going on a long-winded rant about how he's very smart and knowledgeable and this book is actually stupid and also he's-
MEI:
โ you get a surprising amount of work done when you're with her!
โ Mei's pretty good at balancing work and fun- she knows when to leave you be so you can focus on your studies, and when to strike up a conversation so you don't get too bored or stressed out
โ she has a study date playlist specifically for the both of you that she updates frequently- she tries to keep her rock/metal songs out of it so it doesn't startle you and break your attention
โ she's very horrible at explaining things- you ask her to help you with a question and although she understands the concept, she uses such convoluted metaphors and analogies that leave you more confused than before
โ she likes holding your hand or sitting in your lap while you both work- just touching you in some way
โ comes up with funny abbreviations for things you have to memorise
โ gives you little pecks/kisses every once in a while, and near the end of your date when you're both burnt out, she'll give you a sleepy cuddle session while flipping through your flash cards
MK:
โ oh boy
โ where do I even start
โ half of it is spent trying to wrangle MK into his desk, and the other half is spent trying to get him to open his books
โ has a surprising amount of niche hyper-specific knowledge about various subjects, but if you ask him about the basics his mind'll blank
โ tries his best to make the environment as comfortable for you as possible- utensils all set, cushions for your back, snacks and drinks on the table, reminders to stretch so your back doesn't hurt
โ playing loud music tends to help him settle down and get some work done- you have to be holding his hand so he doesn't fidget around, though
โ doodles on your notebooks/sticky-notes, usually small sketches of you or of himself giving you a thumbs up, flowers, hearts, little messages about how you're doing super well and you're super smart. It's really endearing and helps keep your morale up
โ his attention span is very very low [I headcanon him as having ADHD], so he has to take multiple breaks in between. If you're still working while his mind is un-focused he'll braid your hair to keep his hands busy
RED SON + MEI + MK:
โ yeah, you're not getting anything done today
โ Mei and Mk together are a force to be reckoned with- and Red Son only adds fuel to the fire
โ Mei and Mk'll make stupid jokes, Red Son'll tell them to shut up so he can focus, they'll make fun of him, he'll reply with a defensive and louder insult, and the cycle repeats
โ if you ask a question, everyone'll be fighting to try and take a look at your book and help
โ cue ensuing argument that lasts well into 20 minutes because all of them have a different answer
โ upon googling it, you tell them that they're all wrong, actually
โ even though you end up not doing anything, it's still a lot of fun- they're moreso just normal hangouts with the false advertisement of being productive
โ the only time you get any work done with them is if it's the night before finals and you have to cram- the stress radiating off of you keeps their mouths shut
[Reminder that requests are open!]
#malik's writing#lmk headcanons#lego monkie kid headcanons#MK x reader#Mei x reader#red son x reader#redson x reader#lmk x reader#lego monkie kid x reader#lmk mei x reader#lmk mk x reader#traffic light trio x reader#x reader#lmk red son x reader#lmk x reader headcanons#requests are opeenn!!!!#:33 pls send me requestsss#can you guys tell its exam season 4 me rn#ive already started finals ToT !!
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