#either game the system just right and get it done in a second or suffer for 40 minutes and lose half your squad :)

[space-ninja-fashion-show]

I am officially shit out of forma after feeding one to my revenant prime and another two to my felarx in preparation for learning how to one-shot archons. I refuse to face them any other way

Not there yet, I'm not trying until at the Very least i have a max rank Primary Deadhead, and then I'm hoping i can coast by on 8 pips on the 10 pip mods and pushing as much strength as i have available to me into Xata's Whisper

We'll get there eventually or die trying (probably die trying)

[danieyells]

@mayoigotokurousagi asked for a few more of the home screen dialogues I liked from a couple of characters, so here's Leo! Also included are the Japanese versions of the text for this one.

I LOVE HIM HE'S SUCH A LITTLE SHIT. . . . Once again this is nearly now all of them because this mfer has such personality lmao his also go with a few other characters', so there's i think one for Romeo and two or three for Sho in there too.

Also as a warning. . .i got a little horny in my commentary for some of these. But it's not my fault, Leo's the one who's saying things like that lol

Hello: (the first time the game is opened after that character is set as home screen NPC. Only happens once per day, unless the character is switched out and back.)

"Nice timing, Honor Roll. Give me your hand. Come on, just do it." あ、特待生サマちょうどよかった。手、貸して。早く早く

You've Got Mail: (whenever there's something in the inbox, usually Arena rewards)

"Hey, your messages are piling up. Hurry up and open them, it's annoying." ねぇ、さっきからずっと未読の通知来てんじゃん。うざいから早く読んじゃってよ

Default: (requires no affinity, has no time constraints)

"Ugh, you're so loud. Ask for permission if you want to talk to me. ...Nope, denied." うるさ……オレに話しかけんなら先に許可取ってくんない？ ……はい駄目

This isn't the only time he complains about volume. Maybe his ears are always sensitive even without using his stigma?

"I'm thirsty, go buy me a drink. What kind? Why don't you take a guess?" 喉乾いた。ジュース買ってきて。 なに系がいいって？ じゃあ、オレが飲みたい味、当ててみてよ

he likes spicy stuff, do you think he likes bitter stuff too? Maybe lemonade? Do you think he's one of those influences who's like 'i never eat anything bad for me' so he either drinks diet soda or no soda at all? I feel like he wouldn't be able to handle restrictions like that--also he loves Painfully Spicy Food so. . . .

Hey Honor Roll! ...Don't make that face at me. I'm being totally genuine right now. ね、特待生サマ♡ ……なにその顔。別になんも企んでないよ

We were deprived of a cute heart in his localized text to emphasize how saccharine he was being. How dare they.

"Have you seen Cap? Ugh, bet he's lurching around lost again..." ねぇ、うちの寮長サマ見なかった？ ……あいつ、また迷子にでもなってんじゃないの

the real question is, does Leo then go look for him himself, wait for him to come back on his own, or get Sho, the PC, or someone else to bring him back for him?

"We're fighting again? Which house? ...Ugh, pass." ……なになに、また揉めてんの？どこの寮？ なんだ……つまんな

I wonder which houses he wouldbe up to fight. Probably Hotarubi since he's kind of invested in Subaru's suffering? Maybe Frostheim since they already have beef--on the other hand, maybe that'd be boring for him. But man he seems pretty ready to go with that, Sho wasn't kidding when he said they got kicked out of every club in Shibuya because Leo's always picking fights.

Affinity 1: (between 5am and 11am)

"Ugh, I'm so tired... I'm done with these classes already. I'll just show up for tests and skip the rest." は～……ねむ…… なんか怪異の授業も飽きたし、テスト以外もう出んのやめよ……

Affinity 2: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I'm starving! Huh? Where'd Sho go? I swear he was here a second ago... Whatever. I'll make that NPC go buy something for me." お腹空いた～。 あれ、翔ちゃんは？ここにいると思ったんだけど…… ま、いっか。モブ女に購買行かせよ

Affinity 3: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"That fucking himbo left me behind again..." あのポンコツ朴念仁……またオレのこと置いて行きやがって

he really wants to get involved in the spy situation huh. That or it's something administrative. Even at affinity 3 Alan leaving him out of something interesting upsets him a bit, which is interesting.

Affinity 4: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Right now? I'm programming an app. I'm not doing anything that complex, just making an ordering system." 今？　アプリのプログラミング中。 別にそんな難しいことしてないよ。オーダーシステム作ってるだけ～

Of note, this is Sho's Affinity 7 line:

"Nice, got an order. More demand than I thought. Getting Leo to make this app was a good call." お、出前の予約が入ったわ……思ったより需要あってよ。 玲音に予約アプリ作らせたの正解だったな

So he made Sho an app for his food truck! Probably not for free of course--good to get the occasional reminder that Leo's both really smart and really good with technology lol

Affinity 5: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Ugh... Cap smashed my woofer. I was just playing music in the Pit since we can't go clubbing..." だっる……クラブ行けない代わりに地下で音楽流してたら、寮長サマにウーハーぶっ壊されたんだけど……

That was kinda mean on Alan's part haha

Affinity 6: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Who's DMing me? Oh, it's this account. Huh... Now that's interesting."

the tea has arrived, piping hot i see. . . .

Affinity 7: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Hey, over here. Give this tabloid to that national treasure wannabe in front of the food truck. Just do it!" キミ、こっちこっち。 あのキッチンカーの前にいる国宝気取りに、この週刊誌渡してきて。いいから早く！

My guy does not like Subaru huh lmao or rather he loves tea and wants to set Subaru off or something. . . .

Affinity 8: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Hey, Cap, could you open this bottle for me? Do it yourself? I can't, that's why I'm— hey! Where are you going?! ねぇ寮長サマ～、このペットボトルの蓋開けて～♡　 いや、無理だから頼んで…… ちょっとどこ行くの！？

Leo really said 'i need a big strong man in my life' and Alan said 'good luck becoming one' kekw ONCE AGAIN DEPRIVED OF HEARTS

Affinity 9: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Time to see what the bug I planted in his car picked up... Huh? What the fuck?! Someone broke it!!" さてと、あいつの車に仕込んだ盗聴器の収穫は～…… は？　なにこれ！壊されてんだけど！！

Affinity 10: (between 10pm and midnight)

"This pillow mist? I only bought it because it was trending, but it's better than I thought it'd be. Ro-Ro's hooked on it too." あ、この寝香水？　バズってるから買ったんだけど、意外とよくてさ。ロミサマもハマってるみたいよ？

Romeo's Affinity 8 line references this:

"You're smelling the bedtime fragrance I bought from Kurossa earlier. He has a good eye, so I often ask him to pick things out for me." この香り？　さっきクロッサから買った寝香水だよ。あいつセンスいいから、よく見繕ってもらうわけ

"Kurossa" obviously being from "Kurosagi", Leo's surname. These two became fast friends, huh. Maybe they already knew each other from social media, since Romeo has an Instagram too. I bet they take the prettiest selfies.

Affinity 11: (between 5am and 11am)

"Night, then. What? I haven't slept yet. Unlike you, I actually have shit to do." じゃ、おやすみ～…… なに���　今から寝るんだけど。オレ、キミと違って忙しいの

Sho also stays up pretty late lmao. I assume Leo does much of his hacking in the dead of night. . .then again why's he using his sleep mist before he goes to bed?

Affinity 12: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Why is this place so overrun with fucking losers?! My eardrums are going to burst!! ...I'm going back to the garage to play with Cap." どこいても雑魚どもがうっさい！！この学園、マジどうなってんの！？ ……ガレージ戻って寮長サマで遊ぼ

The word "雑魚" which was translated as 'loser' means "nobody" or "unimportant person" lol which means Alan is someone of greater importance than others to him? Or just more bearable? Or maybe just likes that he's quieter or finds him more entertaining lol it's kind of nice to see that they're "getting along" in the loosest sense of the term i guess. . . .

Affinity 13: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Huh... The little kabuki prince's sister married an actor from a different troupe? Bet there's something going on there." ふ～ん……梨園の御曹司サマには、別の屋号の歌舞伎役者と結婚した姉がいる…… なんか、超匂うわ～……

Affinity 14: (between 5am and 11am)

"You think I smell good? It's L'Occitane body lotion. I just throw some on after showering in the morning." この匂い？　ロクシタンのボディーローションだけど。 朝シャンの後、ぱぱっとつけてるだけだよ

the pc mentions that Leo's hair smells floral, so I bet he smells super nice. And I guarantee you he's not using men's fragrances either, he wants to smell pretty, leave that hypermasculine shit to Alan and Sho.

Affinity 15: (between 5am and 11am)

"Okay, okay, I'm coming... Ugh. Calling the whole house out at the ass crack of dawn... What is wrong with that himbo?" はいはい、行くってば…… はぁ。朝っぱらから寮生集会とか、あのポンコツ朴念仁なに考えてんの？

Affinity 16: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Ugh, I totally missed out on that ultra-spicy chicken thing they had in Shin-Okubo. Guess I'll read the reviews and get Sho to recreate it." あ～新大久保の激辛チキン、完全に食べ損ねてる…… ネットのレビュー調べて、翔ちゃんに再現させるか

I feel like, if not for that it'd have all the flavor sucked out of it from the spiciness, Sho would probably have a good time replicating flavors like that. He likes to make different cultures' foods after all.

Affinity 17: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Wow, so late already. Better get a bath going and get ready for bed. Here you go. It's for scrubbing the bath." やば、もうこんな時間じゃん。さっさと風呂溜めて寝る支度しよ。 はいこれ、風呂掃除用のブラシ♪

If you do a real good job of cleaning the tub for him, he may even let you have some of his bathwater! Isn't he generous?

Affinity 18: (between 8pm and 5am)

"That dumb video got over 10k interacts? God, you're all so basic... Muting." あんな適当な動画が万バズとか、本当ちょろすぎ……うるさいから通知切ろ……

No respect or love for his fans is2g

Affinity 19: (between 10pm and midnight)

"I can touch you, but you can't touch me. That's how this works, got it?" オレからキミに触るのはオッケー。キミからオレに触るのはダメ。 いい？　これがオレたちのルールね

This is probably so much more innocuous than it sounds--like literal touching, or maybe him holding his fame as an influencer over you--especially since he's saying it with a straight face but. . .it's so easy to imagine this as Leo cuffing or tying your hands and when you ask what he's doing he climbs in your lap and moves your clothes out of his way and says this. . .and at this point you've probably never fucked or kissed or anything before so it's a little out of the blue but you can't really stop him and he just toys with you until he's satisfied. . .one of my favorite of his lines just because it's a little dirty lol

Affinity 20: (between 5am and 11am)

"There she is. Hey, Honor Roll! You free? There's something I was really hoping you could help me with." あ、いたいた。ねぇ特待生サマ～、今日って暇？　 ちょっと付き合って欲しいことがあんだけど♪

given this is his expression in the first line(and the little music note with his second line) he's probably up to no good lol there's either something he really needs to hear or something he really wants to do to you specifically. in Japanese he says "I just want you to keep me company for a while♪"

BUT MAYBE I'M ASSUMING TOO MUCH MAYBE HE JUST DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO ASK YOU TO HANG OUT OTHERWISE. Like how the PC asks Sho if they need help on the food truck and he immediately clocks "you don't have to offer to help just so you can spend time with me you know"

Affinity 21: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Hey, Honor Roll, come sit down. Not over there, next to me. Good, you're comfy. Don't move, I'm taking a nap." 特待生サマ、ちょっとここ座って。 違うよ、オレの隣。 あ～気持ち～♡しばらく昼寝するから動かないでね

Lap pillow hours! Whether you like it or not! He said no touching him, so no moving him off your lap, either! He might make an exception for having his hair pet though.

Affinity 22: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"They went to the Pit again? Must really get a kick out of it... Like big, dumb animals throwing themselves at each other." あいつら、また地下に行ってんの？好きだね～本当…… やってること、虫相撲とほぼ変わんないじゃん……

Affinity 23: (between 8pm and 5am)

"The whole demon nickname? People can call me whatever they want. I know who I am." 悪魔って呼ばれてること？ 別に、好きにすればって感じ。オレが何者かは、オレが一番わかってるもん

His expression saying this is his default one where he's smiling, so I guess it really doesn't bug him, which is good. He probably gets a kick out of it.

Affinity 24: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Stay like this till I tell you to leave, okay? Got it? I didn't hear an answer." オレが行っていいって言うまで、キミはずっとこうしててね♡ ……わかった？　返事は？

Again, this one's a little dirty which makes me like it a lot hahaha. . .this is a late night one(it's labeled "GoodNight" and only pops up between 10pm and midnight) is he telling you to sit still while he sleeps on your lap or uses you as a body pillow? Is he making you sit still with a toy in you while he ignores you or pretends he's not tormenting you sexually? SORRY I FIND SEXUAL THINGS SO AMUSING BUT HE'S MAKING IT SOUNDS SO HORNY. The audio doesn't sound as horny as i'm making it sound off but like LOOK AT IT.

Affinity 25(max): (no time constraints)

"Wanna make a bet, Honor Roll? Over which will come first—me falling for you, or you getting hooked on me." 特待生サマさ、オレと賭けない？ オレがキミを好きになるのが先か、キミがオレに沼るのが先か

I think it's a little late for you, sweetheart. I think you've already caught the feels and that ship is sailed.

Spring: (March-May) (between 5am and 11am)

"Why the hell would I go to class? I already learned all the first year material." 授業なんて出るわけないじゃん。１年で覚えなきゃいけない範囲は、もう全部やっちゃったし

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Cap really puts the "him" in "himbo..." Look at him, he's got a flower stuck in his hair." 寮長サマってさ、あんな見た目してなんでポンコツなんだろね…… ほら見てよ。頭に花くっついてるし

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Quick Honor Roll, stand over there. Perfect. Now hold my phone. You're the cameraman." ちょっと特待生サマ、そこ立って。そそ、いい感じ。 で、オレのスマホ持って。はいキミ、カメラマンね

(between 8pm and 5am)

"Can't believe how many gross dudes this account keeps reeling in. AI-generated pics make it so easy! "Could you send me some more money ♡?” Send." このアカ、変態ジジイ釣れすぎなんだけど。ＡＩ美女画像マジ便利～！ もっとペイペイちょ～だい♡っと

I find it funny that they use AI generated images for their backgrounds and also have a character who scams people with AI generated images. . . .

Summer: (June-August) (between 5am and 11am)

"That rule about having to wear your academy or house uniform on campus is so outdated. I'm going to die wearing all this crap in this heat." 学内は基本、制服か寮服じゃなきゃ駄目ってさ、今時そんな校則あり？ 暑くて死んじゃうんですけど

(between 11am and 4pm)

"I can't believe Sho seriously ran out of my Killer Sauce. It's summer, this is when I want to eat spicy stuff." 翔ちゃん、オレのキラーソース切らしてんのマジあり得ないんだけど。夏こそ辛いもん食べたいのに

well maybe if you didn't dump so much of it on whatever you ate. . . .

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"I keep telling Sho we should let off some fireworks and he keeps saying no! You want to do it too, don't you, Honor Roll?" 翔ちゃんに花火したいって言ってんのに、全然付き合ってくんないの！ 特待生サマも、やりたいもんね～？

One of Sho's summer lines references this:

"Leo won't shut up about wanting to let off fireworks, but no way am I doing that shit with him again. I'm sure you can guess why." 玲音が花火してぇってうるせぇんだけどよ、俺は二度とあいつとはやんねぇって決めてんの。わかんだろ？

I guess Leo isn't a very responsible fireworks user.

(between 8pm and 5am)

"Yeah, apparently there's more anomalies around in summer. Statistically speaking. It's just fucking annoying more than anything else, really." ああ、なんかこの時期って、日本は怪異が増えるらしいね、統計的に。 普通にめんどくさいだけなんだけど

Autumn: (September-November) (between 5am and 11am)

"Thought I could have some fun here at Japan's most elite educational institution. What a let down." 日本有数の名門校なんて言われて、期待して入ったのにさぁ。 結局この学園も、つまんないやつばっか

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Sports? Hard pass. I hate getting sweaty. Ask Sho instead." スポーツ？　パス。オレ、汗かくの嫌いなの。 翔ちゃんでも誘ってきなよ

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Sho hurt himself playing basketball? How unfortunate." 翔ちゃんがバスケ中に怪我した？ へぇ、そうなんだ。大変だね

He gives so few fucks about his best friend lmao then again they're ghouls, Sho'll probably be fine in like two hours.

(between 8pm and 5am)

"Ugh, I want to go clubbing... We should make one in the Pit. Sinostra's got a casino, can't be that hard to get a permit." あ～クラブ行きて～…… いっそさ、地下改造して箱にしちゃうのどう？カジノがありなら余裕じゃない？

Leo pointing at sinostra: if the criminals in there can have a fucking casino there's no way it's hard to get a business permit here. They kill people like on a weekly basis and no one's shut them down. The standards must be in the ground.

Winter: (December-February) (between 5am and 11am)

"This coat? Cute, right? I knew it'd look good on me, so I bought it." ああ、このアウター？可愛いっしょ。絶対オレに似合うと思って買ったんだ～♪

(between 11am and 4pm)

"I'm freezing... I'm having a carbonated bath tonight. Wanna join, Honor Roll? Of course I'm serious." あ～、さぶ。今日の風呂は強炭酸にしよ…… 特待生サマも一緒に入る？ 別に、マジで言ってんだけど

This one happens regardless of affinity which is kinda funny to think about. then again, Japanese bathhouse culture probably means that's not super weird if you have a tub big enough, maybe? Then again a bathhouse and just having a bath with someone are different things. I bet he has lots of baths with Sho.

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Hey, everyone! It's me! Ugh, my throat's all dry from the cold. I'll just stream tomorrow..." こんばんは。ＬＥＯだよ～！ ……やば、乾燥で喉死んでるわ。配信は明日にしとこ……

Of note here, Leo's online handle is just "LEO" in Japanese. In English his name probably had to be given just as Leo to prevent this being lost in translation, because his actual name, in kanji, is 玲音, which is pronounced "Reio"(the same as 'leo' but with an r). But "Leo" is stylized since Japanese doesn't have the L sound and the R sound is closest. So in Japanese he says "It's LEO!" whereas in English he just says "It's me!" since his handle and his name are the same. Although, as someone who follows streamers, introducing yourself again at the top of a stream isn't too uncommon i think? But I also don't watch the influencer types, so the culture is probably very different haha.

(between 8pm and 5am)

"The ghouls won't listen to you? No shit. You realize we were hand-picked by demons, right?" グールが言うこと聞いてくれない？そんなの当たり前でしょ。 だって、オレたち悪魔に選ばれた人間よ？

He's one of the only ones who mentions something like this on the homescreen(off the top of my head Haku is the other one who really mentions how none of them are normal). And he's absolutely right--they were chosen by demons, made pacts with those demons, and ultimately overcame them somehow. Most of them are gonna be kinda stubborn. A demon probably wouldn't choose someone who'd be influenced easily. . .except the demon who chose Kaito apparently. Probably just looking for easy pickings, that one. Or maybe Kaito wasn't always such a coward. . . .

His birthday: (May 23rd)

"You got me a birthday present? Oh, thanks. Just put it over there, I'll look at it later.  I will, I promise." オレに誕生日プレゼント？　あ～、ありがと。そこらへん置いといて。 大丈夫だよ、後で見るってば

Rude ungrateful little shit lmaoooooo "yeah yeah my fans sent me a bunch of gifts already. I'll get to it."

Your birthday:

"It's your birthday? I'll help you celebrate.  Meet me behind the garage later." へぇ。今日キミ、誕生日なんだ。 そうだ……オレが祝ってあげる♡後でガレージの裏においで

New Years: (January 1st)

"Happy New Year! I prefer digital payment.  What do you mean, what do I mean? I'll be nice to you again this year, so pay up." ハッピーニューイヤー♪　はい！ なにって……今年も仲良くしてあげるから、お年玉ちょ～だい？

He's referencing otoshidama, money you're given on new years(usually as a child) but it sounds like you've just got a recurring subscription to Leo's friendship lmaoooo "We can still be friends, so compensate me monetarily" lolol i swear if he weren't vice captain i wouldn't be surprised if he eventually transferred to Sinostra in his second or third year. I think he'd fit in.

Valentine's Day: (February 14th)

"This is that ultra-spicy chocolate they only sell this time of year... I'm actually genuinely stoked right now." これ、毎年この時期にしか買えない激辛生チョコレートじゃん…… え、普通に嬉しいんだけど

White Day: (March 14th)

"Here, as thanks for the chocolate. You're not going to tell me you don't know Godiva, are you? All right, now we're even." はい、これお返し。キミ……まさかゴディバ知らないわけないよね？ じゃ、これで貸し借りはチャラね

April Fool's Day: (April 1st)

"Ha ha. You were photobombing one of my pics so I uploaded it and said I had a new girlfriend. 10K interacts in less than an hour. Suckers." あはは。新しく彼女できましたって特待生サマのこと匂わせたら、一瞬で万バズしたんだけど。嘘なのに～

Comments section like "gee Leo how come your boyfriend lets you have two partners?"

Halloween: (October 31st)

"Trick or treat!  Ugh, the only good thing about this dumb event is the video content it provides." トリックオアトリート！ 　って……こんなくだらないイベント、動画のネタになるだけマシなんだけどさぁ

Not much of a halloween guy. . .even though this is Sho's halloween dialogue???

"You really need an explanation? Leo made me wear it! Shit, why am I always the girl..." ああ？　言わなくてもわかんだろ。玲音に着せられたんだっつの！ クソ、なんで毎年女装なんだよ……

You're making your boyfriend best friend crossdress for your halloween vids? When you don't even like Halloween? And this is a REGULAR occurrence??? Like I get that he doesn't like sweets I guess but lmaoooo

Christmas: (December 25th)

"This Christmas-themed food Sho made might pull some traffic.  All right, uploaded. You can eat the rest, Honor Roll. Say "ah"!" 翔ちゃんのクリスマス映えごはん、適当にあげて…… はい終わり。後は特待生サマが食べてね。あ～ん♡

what you want him to eat all of that? and mess up his figure?

Idle: (about 20 seconds without interacting with the game) (below 13 affinity)

"Was that on purpose?  Are you seriously ignoring me right now?" あのさ、それわざと？ キミ今、オレのこと無視してるよね？

(13 affinity and above)

"Ugh, everyone's so loud.  I'm putting my headphones on, so tap here if you need me, okay?" はぁ……どこもうるさ…… オレ音楽聴いてるから、なんかあったらここ触って呼んでね～♡

oh no he's becoming self aware i like that he's not like. 'hey pay attention to me!!' instead he's like 'okay we can sit here in silence that's fine, i'm gonna listen to music so if you want something let me know'. Parallel play with Leo! He's content to just vibe out with you--and he likes you enough that he'll give you attention if you ask too.

Absent: (logging in for the first time in 2 or more days?)

"Who are you? Ah ha ha! I'm kidding. Have you got a good excuse for why you've been gone so long?" ……キミ、誰？ ……あはは！冗談だよ。 で、しばらく来なかった言い訳、ちゃんと用意してきた？

MAN THAT TOOK A LONG TIME. He really just has a lot of personality lol or maybe i just like his personality a lot? Either way I like a bunch of his lines so that's honestly like 90% of them. Bit of a goober. I'll do Sho's in a few hours! Since i already have his japanese file open from doing Leo's lol this is now all of his lines, and Sho's is partially done as well as of writing this! I love Leo so much haha

[myf00djournal]

Out on my morning walk looking like a well matched queen 👸🏻

Thinking about my peers on here doing some reflecting and setting of goals and pondering if I set concrete goals for myself this year. Retrospectively, yes I suppose I did! Things just kind of happened and I guess seeing them through was the persistence.

My brain dump looking back -

👩🏻‍🏫 Work - Hmm. Well I started in a role that will not exist next year which is a shame. I will still be in a similar role, albeit temporarily until the end of the year. Then, I am not sure what’s happening. My HSC class ranked 1st in our system so that’s pretty exciting. I made a lot of connections with my students and supported them through some pretty heavy shit…

📚 Study - …This then prompted me to start my Masters which I am 3 units into. I have been toying with the idea of pursuing this for ten years so that is a long term goal achieved for sure!

💵 Other work - I wrote freelance exam papers and did HSC marking for some side money 💰 I have said no to the exam papers for next year which I am so proud of myself for.

🏋🏽‍♀️ Training - I went to the gym 170 times which seems to average 3-4 times per week. Sounds right. Jan-Sept is hard because of netball, I was lucky to get to the gym 3 times per week during the season. My gym doesn’t open on Sundays either. Sept-Dec was a solid hit out during the challenge. I managed to lose 10kg, making my total loss since September 2022 16kg without any gains back. I didn’t suffer any major injuries in the gym and this contributed to my consistency and ability to push myself more.

🏃🏽‍♀️ Parkrun - I ran 33 parkruns this year. In April last year I set a goal to get back under 30 mins. I did it this year not once but nine times 🥹 all in the second half of the year. This was my biggest running year since 2019 due to lockdowns etc.

🏐 Netball - My rep and club team both finished 3rd 🥲 I had great seasons, particularly for club my shooting accuracy was the highest and most consistent it’s been for years sitting around 85-90% every game. That was my goal ✅ No injuries that sidelined me - except for my dislocated finger 🤣 briefly. Another goal ✅

💵 Monies - Without putting amounts out there it’s pleasing and also a privilege to get through the year comfortably. I got to travel with my bestie at the start of the year, book a holiday with Josh (Wednesday eee) and still save a good amount for my emergency fund, general savings and pay for my units upfront for uni (although 75% is subsidized thanks government). When I cleaned out my wardrobe I was pleased not too part with too much which means I haven’t overconsumed and wasted.

🏥 Health - I had my endo surgery which had been on my mind for about 3-4 years. ✅ I already feel so many benefits from it and regret not having it again sooner (last one was 2009!). Had another iron infusion. Generally, I do look after my health and try to do regular dental, chiro, GP visits etc. I only saw my psych once this year. I could probably have done with a top up because things got very dicey for me around April, but we made it through.

🥂 Alcohol - I stopped drinking between August-November and since have only had alcohol on 5 occasions (I use a dry days tracker). I’m sorting out when feels safe for me to drink and how much control I have. The reset has really helped me understand why I used to drink, sometimes alone, and that I put myself in unsafe situations when this happens. I still have some soul searching to go but I am on the right track.

My brain dump for 2024 -

👩🏻‍🏫 Work - Enjoy the year. Relax a little. Set boundaries. Know where you stand.

📚 Study - Complete 5 units

💵 Other work - HSC marking and that’s it

🏋🏽‍♀️ Training - Keep up with gym, average 4-5 times per week. Bench 60! Be nicer to people at 5am 🤣

🏃🏽‍♀️ Running - Attend as many parkruns as I can. Go under 28 (home PB). Volunteer more. Maybe do a half again in November? Depends on other factors.

🏐 Netball - Have already said no to rep (can you tell I am being so firm with my resources next year?). Will always play club. Goal - Win grand final again. Shoot at 90-95% accuracy.

💵 Monies - We connected with a financial advisor just before Christmas so plan to see that through and have a look at what we can do! Clearer goals will then form. I also want to stop shouting people things. I am overly generous with this and it needs to stop because a lot of the time it’s colleagues who never do a shout so it never comes back to me 🥲

🏥 Health - Find out what I am anaphylactic to on 28/2 😀 and hopefully don’t die during that test! Continue managing my endo and other factors that connect to all of that. Maintain my weight loss in healthy and sensible means (which I am confident in myself I can).

🥂 Alcohol - I want to continue to be mindful in my motives for drinking, how society has normalized alcohol consumption, etc. I want to be safe, feel healthy and not ruin next days for myself.

📷 - My bestie and I need to take more photos together

📱- I really need to reduce my screen time (cruise will help with this!)

📖- I really need to read more (2 books planned for our cruise!)

🧽 - I keep editing and adding to this lol. I want to maintain a really minimal space inside our home. We have done a lot of decluttering the last few weeks and I am really keen to keep it up. We have a council clean up booked for 2/1 and what better way to start the NY! Can’t wait to drag some of our old stuff out and say see ya 👋🏾

[hestia-and-the-court]

"I mean, what do you want?"

The beast paused, the grip of its claws around me slackening just a bit. Not enough to even think about escaping, but enough to say that I had - somehow - caught it off-guard. "What?"

"I mean, if you're asking what I'll offer for my life, there has to be something you want, right?" I reasoned. "Otherwise you'd just eat me and be done with it. And this is my life we're talking about here: if what you want is something I can actually accomplish, it doesn't really matter what it is you want, does it? Not like I can just not pay the price. Even if it's dangerous, whatever it is, I only might die if I go get it or do it or whatever. I'll definitely die if I don't satisfy you right here and now that I'm more useful alive than as a meal."

I did my best to shrug without its claws cutting my skin. "So, the way I see it, you have me over a barrel here and it's silly to play a guessing game about what it is you want. Just tell me what you want, and I'll let you know in return whether or not I think giving it to you is worth my life. Odds are, the answer will be 'yes'. Either that or your plan was to eat me the whole time and this is just you playing with your food, in which case nothing I said would have been the right thing anyway."

The silence stretched on for several seconds. And then the beast started to laugh, its deep and raspy voice echoing through the cave. "Do you know, human, you're the first one of my victims to be able to think clearly enough to say something like this?"

"if we're being honest, I think I dissociated enough that the pants-wetting terror isn't really reaching me at the moment."

The beast chuckled again at that, seeming genuinely amused. "Even still. It was surprisingly well-reasoned under the circumstances." Its large yellow slitted eye stared me down directly, looking for who-knows-what in my face. "Before I tell you what it is I want, why don't you tell me why you came here? Why would you come to a place where it's known that I lurk?"

I squirmed, embarrassment somehow breaking through the dissociation and fear. "Aaaactually, I... didn't know these were your caves. I thought these were the Wishing Caves."

Another brief silence, and then even more bellowing laughter. "Those are on the other side of the mountain range from here! How in the world did you manage to get that lost?"

Another careful shrug from me. "I've always had a truly horrendous sense of direction."

"Evidently," the creature rumbled. "And what business did you have with the Wishing Caves?"

"Assuming they thought me worthy, I was gonna wish for a better sense of direction."

"Ah, naturally..." Its voice had transitioned from amused to thoughtful. "In that case, perhaps I have a use for you after all."

"Really?" I tried not to sound too relieved, but... well, under the circumstances, can you blame me? "What do you need from me?"

"Not far from here, there is a maze of cave systems. Directly at the center of the maze is an orb. If you can retrieve that orb and bring it back to me, I would consider that well worth your life."

I blinked, because I immediately saw two big problems with that. "Um. Two questions. First, you do realize that my horrible sense of direction makes me awful at mazes, right? And second, if that orb is so important, why didn't you ever send any of your other victims looking for it?"

"The answer to those two questions, as it happens, is the same," it replied. "The orb contains my lost humanity, pulled out of me and condensed by a witch who wanted me to suffer. She raised the maze and enchanted it so that anyone who set foot in the maze would lose all sense of direction and never be able to reach the center of the maze on purpose." It let out another rumbling chuckle. "But you, little human, already lack a sense of direction and seem to have a knack for accidentally making it into places you have no business being in. Out of everyone who's ever found themselves in my clutches, you are the first who I think actually stands a chance at being able to navigate that maze and bring back the prize."

Ah.

"What if it turns out the maze doesn't work that way and I just get lost in it the way everyone else did?"

"You said it yourself," the beast reminded me. "The maze only might kill you. I definitely will. If you fail and die in that maze, I lose nothing except a meal. And given how spectacularly lost you have managed to get already, I half-expect that if I tried to eat you, you'd somehow find yourself in someone else's digestive tract. You have managed to be genuinely more useful as an attempt to break my curse than as a meal, given that."

"...well, I can't argue with that," I conceded. "Okay, bring me to this maze of yours and I'll see what I can do to get that orb back to you."

"We have a deal, then."

The beast hissed, its claws enveloping you, “Many humans have tried to bargain with me. Some offered gold for their life, others companionship…. even love. What useless thing will you try to offer me for yours?”

[companionwolf]

Vortex of Play Pre Canon Game 0 Recap

Home Team: Dallas Catboys (the PCs)

Away Team: Sagittarius Infusion

Catboys players--

Sydney Tuesday - shortstop; neutral; Charm

Mavis Retrograde - outfield (center); excellent; Cardboard Collector

Hart Melfax - second blase, neutral; Steeled

Normal Hen - pitcher; less than ideal; Power Chaaarge

Cobalt Territory - outfield (right); far less than ideal; Firey

Weather: Black Hole

Ballpark Traits: SUMmer Sun, Solar Panels

First Inning

• Hen immediately begins destroying

• MULTI BALL PITCH #1

• ALMOST IMMEDIATELY MULTI BALL #2

• The top of the 1st is done because Hen decrees it so via her inability to pitch anything less than perfect

• The commissioner...isn't sure they're doing the NPC actions right but let's keep going

• Sydney no (they fucking got tagged out base running so hard they added +10 to everyone else's TN rolls -_-)

• MAVIS NO (he did the same as Sydney -_-)

• the commissioner is still not sure he's doing this right, now featuring the player actions

• wow they are hitting these balls. good job. now get to the bases please

• I SAID THE BASES--

• End of bottom of the 1st

Second Inning

• Oh no Hen's luck ra--

• Wait nvm she's good

• Fuck the away team

• Top of 2nd done as quick as 1st

• Jesus Christ she's a machine

• Bottom of the 2nd was not very interesting

Third Inning

• the commissioner changes how they're handling the npc actions again.. a second time? they are confused

• HEN CONTINUES TO MURDER

• this is not how fast these innings havles should go I think. but who am I to argue the laser like ability of Hen

• okay Sydney let's just

• HOME RUN?

• Mavis gets hit by a ball ):

• Catboys try to load the bases

• Sydney hits another fucking homer????

• Mavis stumbles badly on a base run. He is Suffering

• BaseThristing go

• The Black Hole Says Fuck You And Your Score * resets to 0 *

Fourth Inning

• Hen goes to field a ball and .

• Um. What is that <- Hen as she runs into a shadow of herself

• It's Fine. You're Fine. Ignore the Weird.

• "Ok" - Hen, moments before evisceratating the other team with more perfect pitches + a 3rd Multi ball

• Hart Defies the Laws of Base, fuck all your runners

• The commissioner changes how they handle actions again; someone please fire him

• Cobalt keeps getting 100+ TN and it makes me scream because ze is also the one with the shittiest vibes rn

• Catboys have successfully loaded the bases

• "fuck this" - Cobalt, hitting a grand slam

• either the catboys have good stats, the rng is nice, or I'm a idiot

• Well see which is true <- he's adjusting the actions AGAIN everyone throw your peanuts

Fifth Inning

• Hen continues to say fuck you my inning half now (how many perfect pitches can she do...)

• Sydney go get that ball (they succeed)

• HEN?

• ^ she got another multi ball (out #1)

• As the game as gone on things have gotten weirder which. Is in line with the planned canon so like. Chewing the emergent narrative of the game play here

• Aw she got in the face with the ball ):

• Hart Seeks Revenge (runner OUT)

• ANOTHER BALL TO THE FACE D:

• Hart: The 2nd Revenge (batter out)

• Why are these Inning halves so SHORT

• ^ because Hen desires it I FUCKING GUESS

• Bottom of the 5th begins with Sydney

• They get to 2nd base good job

• Mavis... gets hit by pitch ): stop dissociating sir

• Hart continues to take revenge but this time via home run? Jesus christ

• Hart, apparently: if you hit my teammates with a ball I will end you (:

• Hen channels the pain of Ball into .. another home run.

• can you guys chill

• Cobalt by hit pitch, Sydney safe to next base

• MAVIS ): <- he stumbled badly

• HART

• SAYS

• FUCK

• YOU

• (Via grand slam)

• Black hole....also says fuck you, score reset by 10

• the teams pause to investigate the scoreboard system (brief narrative interlude imagining between me + players, NOT A TTRPG DEVELOPMENT ACTIVITY GO AWAY)

• after a little poking at equipment the game resumes (no one mentions the sky but Hen silently considers that alongside Everything Else Weird that's happened in this game)

• Sydney and Mavis: idk what that shit was, here's 2 more home runs

• Commissioner in bg: what the ACTUAL fuck

• Hen is embracing gotta go fast mentality

• Cobalt?????? (He hit another homer for them)

• Can you guys save these for actual league games. You'll need them then. Holy shit.

• Sydney: no <3 (+1 home run)

• Mavis gets hit with a TN over 100. He is SUFFERING someone please help him

• Catboys shuffle! (Taking the bases)

• this pitch is TOO POWERFUL!

• um

• the world is melting

• that's probably fine

• SYDNEY WINS THE UNSTOPPABLE DUEL

• We end with a pop out from Hart, which is a bit anti climatic but whatever let's go Catboys

Sixth Inning

• Hen IMMEDIATELY multi balls

• Followed by Hart defying the laws of Base again

• This game is using all the rng luck is2g

• Mavis stops dissociating long enough to score the last out needed for the end of the top of the 6th via fielding action (he run. he jump.)

• But seriously Jesus christ guys CALM DOWN

• What's very funny to me is due to the black hole resets everyones vibes are really shit at this point so by now they are all running on pure spite

• Commissioner continues to squint at the scoreboard

• Sydney opens the bottom of the 6th with a home run. GodDAMN it Catboys CHILL

• Mavis gets hit by another ball and then Hart, Hen, and Cobalt all hit home runs

• [Cut to the commissioner bouncing off the walls and frothing at the mouth]

• They just keep scoring

• Someone stop them

• Cobalt wins a Unstoppable Duel

Seventh Inning

• Hen pitches another perfect ball

• Hart says YOINK my ball

• Top of the 7th done

• Can you guys relax

• Catboys trying to load the bases

• ANOTHER FUCKING HOME RUN

• [A shriek is heard across the ballpark]

• ANOTHER ONE

• fuck you guys

• * black hole reset *

• Mavis goes very fast

• Mavis gets a grand slam

• Which is p much immediately negated by the black hole again. Sorry Mavis

• I like to think this demoralized the team so bad they kind of threw the rest of the half

• Anyway this half lasted 36 actions

• And I started chewing glass at Action 30

Eighth Inning

• Top of the Inning and Hen is having a hard time (I think she's tired :<)

• Hart however is Not having a hard time

• Wait nvm I think Hen's recov--

• MA'AM? <- she just pitched 6 perfect pitches in a row

• Mavis closes the top of the 8th with a perfect fielding action, good job Mavis

• Bottom of the 8th and we start w-- Syndey nooooooo (they got strikeout)

• Hart takes 2nd, Mavis tries to take a bass but gets tagged out so forcefully it demoralized everyone else

• Hart continues to be fast as all fuck (takes 3rd)

• COBALT NO (popout)

• Wow that Inning was short

Final inning

• Okay Catboys. Top of the final. Let's fucking Go.

• Hen immediately sics Sydney on the runner and Syndey gets em (out)

• Hen after that: let me just *continues throwing perfect pitches*

• To the point she destroys the other 2 batters

• Hen commands this fucking ballpark

• Bottom of the final......

• Syndey and Mavis immediately: home run

• Me screaming in background: WHAT

• Hart's Sonic impression continues

• Hen is having a difficult ti-

• Nvm she scored a home run

• SHE SCORED A SECOND ONE?

• Back hole my beloathed (score reset)

• Syndey hits another home run right after tho

• Aaaaand the game is done

• Holy fuck that took more than 5+ hours cumulatively

Final Score

Catboys (H) 31 - Infusion (A) 0

• ^ that doesn't seem right at all but I don't know enough about Blaseball to argue about it

• Also pretty sure the away team isn't supposed to have scored 0 runs the whole game but that's a me error I think

• And this was a mostly mechanics test so it doesn't matter that much in the end

• Anyway group agrees this was very fun but definitely a bit clunky mechanics wise

[secondbeatsongs]

started playing The Suicide of Rachel Foster, because I've heard it was bad and I wanted to see if that was true, but...

I mean, I'm pretty sure the people who mentioned it being bad were referring to the plot? but I've barely done anything in the game, because the graphics are infuriating me

the depth of field is messed up! even if I'm looking directly at something, it's very blurry! there are times I've had to look under or away from something to get it to go into focus, and it's deeply annoying!

"well," you might say, "can't you mess with the graphics settings and fix that?"

let me show you the graphics settings menu:

that's it. those are the only settings available.

"but what about the config file?" well

besides the core system stuff, that is it. that's all it is.

now, luckily someone on the steam forums has figured out that you can add stuff to that config file to change the settings. which is great, because this was driving me up the wall! so I tried it out to see what would happen and

oh my god.

look at it:

left is default settings, right is with a bunch of stuff disabled

just...god! why is the one on the left so blurry! why is there chromatic aberration, which I didn't even notice at first, but now I understand why I was getting a headache!

why would they do this? why would anyone do this

another example, in case you need it:

left is with default settings, right is with just depth of field turned off

jesus fucking christ. how was anyone supposed to play this game?

why would you go to the trouble of designing lovely, realistic graphics just to make it so you can't even see them when you zoom in?

don't you want people to enjoy your game? don't you want them to see all the hard work you put into it?

sigh

so. in case you also want to make it so your game is actually playable, here's how to change your config settings:

first, go to

C:\Users\AccountName\AppData\Local\Daedalic Entertainment GmbH\The Suicide of Rachel Foster\Saved\Config\WindowsNoEditor

and open engine.ini in notepad. then, paste this text at the bottom of that file:

[SystemSettings] r.MotionBlur.Max=0 r.MotionBlurQuality=0 r.DefaultFeature.MotionBlur=0 r.SceneColorFringe.Max=0 r.SceneColorFringeQuality=0 r.DepthOfFieldQuality=0

that turns off the motion blur, chromatic aberration, and depth of field.

(you can keep the motion blur on if you like it; I just get dizzy easily)

if you want to disable anti-aliasing for even sharper text (like in that second map screenshot), you can also add this:

r.PostProcessAAQuality=0 r.DefaultFeature.AntiAliasing=0

if you still want some AA, you can change both of those zeroes to ones - that way edges will have a bit of softness, but the text is still pretty clear.

on the steam forums people also talked about adding these settings, but the ones above were good enough for me, so I didn't try them. but if you'd like, you can also add and mess with:

r.Tonemapper.GrainQuantization=0 r.Tonemapper.Quality=0 r.LensFlareQuality=0 r.DefaultFeature.LensFlare=0 r.DefaultFeature.Bloom=0 r.BloomQuality=0

anyway, let this be a lesson to you. if you ever design a video game, make sure users can change advanced graphics settings! because otherwise they, like me, will have to either suffer through headaches and squinting, or they'll have to change a config file, restarting the game and sitting through 30+ seconds of logos every time they want to tweak the motion blur.

...welp, now I've spent so long fucking with the graphics settings that I'm too mentally tired to actually play the game. so, I guess I'm gonna go do laundry or something.

but for when I do actually play it, I'm going to put this cut here, so I can keep track of the other things about the game that bother me:

Additional Grievances

💥 you can't zoom in on objects that you're holding. if you're holding a book and the text on it is really small, you're going to have to move closer to your screen to read it, and I am not joking.

💥 there's a boombox in Nicole's room with an open cassette slot, and it's absolutely surrounded by tapes. but the only thing you can do to it is...turn on the radio? like, no! let me listen to the tapes!

(I hope it eventually lets me listen to the tapes) update: it never lets you listen to any of the tapes. I feel robbed by this experience.

💥 this game just...feels weird as a walking sim? like, there are half-open cabinets and stuff that just can't be clicked on to open them. and maybe that'll happen later, but it feels weird to walk into a room and not be able to really look at it, you know? the point of a walking sim is to snoop!

anyway, more later if I pick the game back up again.

-

update: okay. finished the game, took extensive notes. let’s get into it:

💥 Jenkins says he'll leave some notes and a key in the dining room table in the master suite. but really, while the notes are on the table, the key is on the desk in Nicole's old room. which is honestly weird.

update: this could in theory be explained away by the plot later, but it’s still unclear, so I’m not crossing this one out. I’m not 100% sure it was on purpose.

💥 Leonard's NASA mugs in the game are different from the one shown in the main menu? and I have no idea why? but the main menu one looks cooler!

💥 there are a lot of reused assets - pens, sponges, tubes of toothpaste, pairs of glasses, at least 3 NASA mugs. it just feels...weird? like, if I'm gonna pick something up, I want it to be at least a little interesting. a fun label, or some plot importance, or at least a scribble on it or something. not...like seven ballpoint pens that look exactly the same.

it feels like someone bought a bunch of unity assets and then copy/pasted them everywhere, and hoped that would be enough to make this game interesting.

spoiler alert: it was not.

💥 almost every book has the same bump map for the cover (though some are shinier, rougher, etc). which wouldn't be an issue (it’s very nice looking!), except the one they used has a curved mark in the bottom corner of the back cover. and after seeing it on nearly every single book, it feels weird.

💥 there are even duplicate copies of the same book laying around? like, why not make some blank-covered books, instead of reusing recognizable ones?

💥 oh god, and in room 117! on the floor there are three identical pages that are all supposed to look like handwritten notebook pages. what, do they want me to believe someone hand-copied their notes three times? bullshit.

at this point it's just laziness or time crunch, right?

💥 there are some typos, but I know this game was by an Italian studio, so I'm giving them a pass on that (for the most part). most of them are on the magazines or books. for example, “The cars that meets the demands of the 80′”:

💥 in the lobby by what I think is the main entrance, some...snow? got inside? not like, there was some snow getting through on purpose - no, by the door there’s a clump of blinding white nothing that looked like it was clipping into the room.

💥 Nicole says it's nighttime at one point when it is definitely not nighttime. the lighting hasn't changed. I know a time mechanic would be weird, but maybe...some change would be nice?

update: there are some time changes, apparently - but they seem completely random? also I have no idea how time works in this game. it keeps skipping forward an entire day, and there’s absolutely no reason for it to do that, except that the writers wanted a scene change.

just...god. just put a title card that says “3 hours later” or whatever, don’t make me imagine that Nicole spent the entire rest of the day doing absolutely nothing after something dramatic just happened.

💥 calls moldy food "molden" at one point. I didn’t get a screenshot apparently, but it’s in the fridge when you first look at the rotten produce. is this a translation error of some kind?

💥 found Jesus!

💥 the room check sheet in room 204 says that it's for room 304. there is no room 304. also someone was definitely doing witchcraft in here, but I consider that a feature, and not a bug.

💥 okay, a lighting change, that's good! but just because it's dark inside doesn't mean it also has to be dark outside? What is this, dawn? Sunset? it says it's day 3, but I'm still unclear about what all this means. did Nicole spend an entire day just worrying about a phone call?

💥 Nicole is definitely hallucinating from the mold, I think.

💥 a lot of these conversations feel really...disconnected? it's hard to describe, but it feels like they're not really conversations that humans would have. as if the people aren't talking to each other, they're talking to themselves next to each other.

I just kinda get the feeling that something in production made it so that the lines had to be changed or re-recorded or something, or maybe the voice actors never really got a feel for the characters. like, something happened here to make it seem like a bunch of bad roleplay interactions, and I don’t think it’s the voice actors’ fault.

💥 this ending is...bad.

look, I knew going into this that it wouldn’t be a good game. and it’s not! it’s not even really a good story, and the emotions it made me feel were more vague and annoyed than anything else.

it’s immersive to a point, the graphics are nice to a point, but it doesn’t feel like...a game? there’s not enough stuff to interact with to think of it as a walking sim, though sure, you do walk a lot. but the plot is just kinda...disjointed.

nothing about the story is clear. I don’t think the game outright condones what Leonard did (having the “villain” of the story agree with his actions doesn’t count), but I also don’t think it really objects to what he did either.

like yes, this is a bit of a fun mystery, and the creepiness factor is very good! the atmosphere is great! creaking doors, spooky lighting - the feeling that you’re going to get a jump scare, but very few actual jump scares? *chef’s kiss*. I love that.

but I also hate this game? for all of the bullet points I’ve mentioned above, and also for the fact that it felt...glued together?

there are beautiful environments! ...filled with copy/pasted assets that don’t really add anything. there’s a dramatic story! ...with a very simple plot that really feels overdone and overhyped. and the characters aren’t ever really developed, but you feel like they want you to care about them anyway.

it’s just...a facade of a good game. it’s something that was trying to be Gone Home, Firewatch, and The Shining, and it failed at being any of them.

also, the suicide(s) at the end of the game make no fucking sense. like I get it, you’re trying to be dramatic and show that the characters feel guilt but like...what the fuck? truly what the fuck.

if this game had pulled it around last-second and decided to say, “you know what? fuck that! we don’t need to be stuck in this story our parents wrote for us; we are going to Portland to live our lives happily, and never setting foot in this haunted hotel ever again”, then I would be okay with it. hell, maybe I would even consider playing it again!

(though really they’d have to add manual save for me to do that. jfc. it was torture. the game crashed once right at the end, and I had to replay the entire last day just to get to the final cutscene. I hate it.)

but because they were like, “nope, sucks to be us, we get The Bad Ending no matter what we do, because of things we had no control over!” I just feel...let down. angry at it. I don’t want to have to deal with it.

so yeah, there are my thoughts about this game. I know it’s not as entertaining, because I don’t feel rabid hatred towards it for how badly it handled the difficult and complicated issues in the plot, but sometimes...that’s just how it is.

(though it did handle them badly! don’t play this game if it could be upsetting for you! I have a high tolerance for this shit, so don’t take my lackluster reaction as a positive review!)

anyway, I’m not angry at you, TSoRF. I’m just...disappointed.

and I think that might be worse.

[katsukavi]

"OH SHIT!" part 2

"I WANT AN ABORTION." Sung Jin-Woo said abruptly, tapping his foot up and down from the agitation. "I'm afraid that's not possible. The baby is far too healthy and because of the amount of health potions you drank, it will be almost indestructible by our means. It even accelerated its growth.."

Sung Jin-Woo didn't think that far into it that night. He gave the baby's father an icy glare and took out his dagger from his inventory. "You can't abort it by your means huh..." he locked (M/n)'s hand onto the hilt and pointed it at his stomach.

"(M/n)! Stab me!"

"HELL NO!"

"Why not? We're already at the hospital, so you could just rush me to the emergency room when I start bleeding," Jin-Woo explained, but that still didn't make a drop of sense to (L/n) (M/n). "NOT IN A MILLION YEARS WILL I STAB YOU!"

"Fine. I'll stab myself."

"No!"

The doctor's face paled at the S-Rank hunter's lack of care for his unborn baby's life—even attempting to stab himself. Luckily, (L/n) (M/n) was there to stop him before the blade could touch his skin.

"Jin-Woo! Come on, you could just hold on to it until you give birth. We could set it up for adoption later.."

"I don't have time to wait 5 months. I could be leveling up using that time."

Scratch that. (L/n) (M/n) was also a horrible parent-to-be. The doctor forced a smile, wondering if all S-Rank Hunters were like this. He cleared his throat and stared back at them.

"How did you even conceive this child?"

"I have no idea. I drank too much. Hey, aren't you immune to alcohol?" (M/n) nudged Jin-Woo's shoulder, since he was the one that wanted to play video games all night. "I don't know. I can't remember much either. There was this scent.."

"I see. It must've been a heat."

"No? I wouldn't have left the house if that were the case."

"Then..." The doctor's eyes set on to (L/n) (M/n), making him feel a cold sweat. The man with red eyes smiled awkwardly, blinking repeatedly at the doctor. "Why are you looking at me?"

"It's incredibly rare but I assume you went through a rut, Sir. So I understand how you may perceive this as unbelievable since this situation is one in a billion or even more so." The doctor scratched the back of his head, trying to consider the rarity of the situation.

It was even more impossible if he considered the fact that male alpha and omegas were less likely to have a baby, then they were both S-Rank Hunters, both with their respective systems and (L/n) (M/n) had suffered from a rut that only one in five alphas experience.

[The Orion System is extremely happy!]

[☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆]

[The Orion System is wondering if it would be a girl or a boy??]

[The System is rejoicing for your offspring.]

"I hope it becomes a miscarriage. I'm too busy for this," Sung Jin-Woo said, glaring at his slightly bloated stomach. "Since you are a male omega, there is a 78% chance it would be a miscarriage if you're constantly stressed and you didn't receive professional help from us.."

"Good. I'm already stressed from this situation."

[The Orion System is ignoring your wife's statement.]

[Yay! Baby! ＼＼\\٩( ^ω^ )و //／／]

'He's not my wife, you stupid system. We're friends at best,' (M/n) thought at his system. He and Jin-Woo left the hospital with conflicted thoughts. (M/n) wasn't as extreme as Jin-Woo to forcibly kill it, but he was wondering what he should do next.

That's right. They were hunters. They didn't have time to raise a baby when they could be saving lives through dungeons. It's a simple choice of one life for one hundred.

[The Orion System is rejoicing for you.]

[The Orion System has contacted (totally didn't take over wink wink) the Player System for the child's sake. (*'ω｀*)]

[The Player System has agreed!! ٩( ᐛ )و yay! yay!]

'What are you celebrating for? Stupid Orion..' (M/n)'s mood turned sour, looking away from his system. Jin-Woo held his phone and pressed Jin-Ho's contact, making (M/n)'s eyebrow twitch. "Oi, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to contact Jin-Ho. He's the Vice Guild Master of Ah-Jin so he has to understand our circumstances."

"What? You know how weird that kid's imagination is. What if he thinks something weird?"

"I'll blame you for that then." Jin-Woo shrugged, his phone ringing for a few seconds before Yoo Jin-Ho picked up. "Hello Hyung-nim. Are you doing okay now?" Jin-Ho's voice made Jin-Woo smile, responding quickly.

"Yeah. I just visited the hospital."

"Ohh. Is (M/n) Hyung with you?"

"Yeah, he's right beside me. Turns out I have to lessen my work hours."

"I understand. You are the Guild Master, Hyung-nim. Everything is up to you. But why do you need to?"

"I'm pregnant."

Yoo Jin-Ho choked on his saliva, falling into a coughing fit as he doubted his ears. "Excuse me? What?"

"You didn't hear? I'm pregnant?"

"THAT'S BAD HYUNG-NIM! YOU NEED A FULL VACATION, NOT REDUCING YOUR HOURS!" The beta shouted, making everyone else in the office stare at him. What?! His Hyung-nim was pregnant? So he had a secret lover this entire time, and he didn't know?

"Then, could you decrease (M/n)'s work hours?"

"Yeah, sure. Why him though?"

(L/n) (M/n) hid his face in his hands, feeling so embarrassed that Jin-Woo just admitted that out loud. His own system was bombarding him with weird messages as well, it was creepy.

[There's no need to be embarrassed, Predator-nim~]

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). We all know what you did~~]

"He's the father of my child."

Jin-Ho choked yet again, throwing his fist at his desk as he fell silent. So (L/n) (M/n) and Sung Jin-Woo had been in that kind of relationship the entire time? Sure, he didn't know a lot about Sung Jin-Woo but even (L/n) (M/n)?

Is that the reason he joined Ah-Jin? So he could see his lover?

Then all those times they left together..

"Jin-Ho? Are you still there?"

"...If you need any help, you can call me Hyung-nim."

'Oh my God, so they were doing that so many times Hyung-nim got pregnant?!' Yoo Jin-Ho's face flushed as his imagination ran wild, smashing his forehead on his desk to cleanse his mind. 'I'M SO DENSE! I SHOULD'VE REMINDED THEM TO USE PROTECTION!'

"Yoo Jin-Ho-nim.. Is anything wrong with the Guild Master?"

"Ah nothing, he's just on maternity leave."

"What?"

"Huh, he hung up. He must've been shocked.." Jin-Woo said, looking up blankly as (L/n) (M/n) gritted his teeth. His face was red, mostly out of embarrassment than out of anger. "SHOCKED MY ASS! OF COURSE HE'D BE SHOCKED! AND WHY DID YOU TELL HIM IT WAS ME?"

"What else should I tell him? He politely asked who was the father."

[The Orion System agrees with your wife.]

[Calm down, host!! ＼＼\٩(๑'^'๑)۶//／／]

(L/n) (M/n) took a deep breath, rubbing his temples to soothe himself. "Okay, let's just call it a day and go home and sleep." (M/n) felt like it had sucked his life out of him, so he just wanted to sleep.

"I'll see you then."

Sung Jin-Ah was feeling suspicious for the past two weeks, noticing that her older brother's movements have become strange. At first she thought he got sick, but that would be strange for a sickness to last weeks, especially since he's an S-Rank Hunter.

"Hey, I ordered pizza. You feeling okay, bro?"

"Yeah. I visited the hospital earlier," Jin-Woo said, plopping down on the couch beside her. "Where's Mom?" he asked, grabbing a slice of pizza from the box. "She went out to get something. So she said she wouldn't be able to cook tonight," Jin-Ah answered him.

As soon as Jin-Woo took a bite from his pizza, his face turned sour. He swallowed it and bitterly gulped a glass of water. "Actually, I don't want any."

"Huh? What do you mean you don't want any? You practically inhale this stuff!"

"It doesn't taste good."

"It tastes just fine, get over here!"

Sung Jin-Woo completely ignored his beta sister and holed up in his room. Confusion crossed her face as she gobbled up a slice of pizza. 'Something weird is definitely going on with him.. He's sus...'

The next morning, Jin-Woo got up early to do his daily regimen. But his fatigue had raised twice the number it had before. He felt annoyed from it and tried even harder, exhausting himself in the process.

'I haven't even done half yet?'

[[The Player System has cancelled the 'Daily Quest: Preparation to be Powerful'.]]

[[The Orion System has requested it to be changed to 'Daily Quest: Meet up with your Husband<3']]

Sung Jin-Woo wanted to middle finger the systems and ignored the new Daily Quest, thinking it was an awful prank from Orion. (That Constellation liked to bug them a lot.) So he continued to do the old Daily Quest, but he unfortunately got sent to the Penalty Zone all the same.

["Since you lovers don't wanna meet up. I have no choice but to force you! Hmph!! ヽ('⌒'メ)ノ"]

"I— Jin-Woo?!" (L/n) (M/n) hollered, his eyes setting on his partner on top of a floating marble platform. Jin-Woo was behind a translucent wall, safely protected in a small room filled with comfortable pillows, blankets and cute stuffed animals. Just in front of him was a coffee table with a full set of snacks one could crave for.

[[You can sit back and watch the show~ Daddy is going to go on a little run!! ＼(٥⁀▽⁀ )／]]

FWOOSHHH!!

On (M/n)'s side of the wall was a scorching, fiery desert, his shoes sinking in white sand as an enormous monster rose from the ground. The gigantic lizard roared, sending a breath of flames towards (L/n) (M/n) as he tried to run for his life. He screamed and cursed at the system while Jin-Woo watched from above like his Alpha was a gladiator.

"FUCK! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THING?!"

"ORION! WHY THE HECK IS HE BEING CHASED BY LIZARDS?!?" Jin-Woo punched the orange wall, making it glitch for a few seconds before spitting his fist back inside the enclosed room. He could only look down at (M/n) with worry, slamming into the wall to attempt an escape to go help him.

[[HEY!! Don't help that idiot! He's a loser who doesn't even bother to look after his pregnant wife! (҂' ﾛ ')]]

[[You know what! Since he's so bad, let's go torture him more! Yay! Yay!!]]

Three more lizards surfaced from the sand, breathing fire like dragons. (M/n)'s face paled in shock as he retrieved his rapier from his inventory. A fifth lizard rose from where he stood, making him tumble down on the sand as it bellowed a menacing tune.

"UGH.. FIVE OF THESE THINGS?!" (M/n) shouted, burning his palms from the hot sand as he tried to get up and away from such a life-threatening situation. Sung Jin-Woo felt more anxiety for (M/n) and banged on the walls.

"DO YOU WANT HIM TO DIE!?"

[[Don't worry~ He won't die. He can handle it! (b ᵔ▽ᵔ)b]]

[[He has to be at least this strong to be a wonderful Daddy of course. ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ]]

"We're not even keeping the baby!" Jin-Woo glared at the cute emoticon on his screen and gave it a middle finger. He took out his dagger from his inventory, slicing open the wall and using the slight gap to escape.

[[Wait! No! If you get hurt, the baby will die! ＼(º □ º l|l)/]]

"Good," Jin-Woo said with a smirk, landing on top of one of the lizard's heads. "Hey, you need a little help?" he shouted after (M/n), riding safely on the monster. It only seemed to be hostile towards (M/n) and not him.

[[NOO! IF IT ATTACKS MOMMY, ALL HOPE IS LOST! ＼(╥ _ ╥ l|l)/]]

"Nah, I got it!" (M/n) responded, sliding under one lizard's feet and stabbing it's heart from underneath. Its skin was thick, but (M/n)'s high strength stat could make up for it. The beast let out a small cry of pain as his blade pierced through like a needle. He soon coated the blade in a reddish orange hued mana, poisoning the lizard internally in just a few seconds.

"Jeez. I was a little panicked. But I'm fine," (M/n)'s skin was harder than steel, like an indestructible material. Just like in the myth of Orion, he was like the indomitable scorpion that the legendary Hunter could not beat.

"I was a little offended, you know."

[Noo!! Predator-nim, I hate you!! ((╬◣﹏◢))]

[Hmph! Hmph! You big IDIOT! ]

"Orion, shut up."

[FINE THEN! I'LL REMOVE ALL OF THESE LIZARDS! ヽ( 'д'*)ノ]

[I'll be nice to you just because wifey's pregnant okay! humph!]

[Go kiss kiss fall in love now! I don't wanna see you be stupid IDIOTS! (҂ òзó )]

The lizards evaporated quickly like Orion made them out of ice in the blistering sun, making Jin-Woo suspended into the air. (M/n) reached out his hands and ran under him, catching him quickly in his arms. Jin-Woo could've landed safely on his feet, he wasn't that fragile..

But in (M/n)'s princess carry, he felt some sense of relief. Jin-Woo hugged him, inhaling a breath of his friend's pheromones. (M/n) really enjoyed wearing Axe Body Spray (a pheromone masking agent in this world) because he always met up with an Alpha female named Cha Hae-In. It was because of that, Jin-Woo didn't notice any of his alpha pheromones.

But with a whiff, he preferred this version. It made him imagine the fragrance of lit scented candles. It was a very specific scent that calmed him down. "Hm, are you okay?" (M/n) asked, making Jin-Woo snap out his momentary trance. What was going with him?

"Yeah, uhm. Were you still sleeping?" Jin-Woo took notice of (M/n)'s disheveled hair and casual set of light blue pajamas. "Oh right, I haven't showered yet.. Fuck. My handsome complexion!" (M/n) said dramatically, looking down to his lovely rapier covered in sand.

As much as he wanted to get it and polish it until it was shiny, he didn't want to drop Jin-Woo yet. It seems like Jin-Woo was the same, wrapping his arms around his neck in a comfortable hug. Yeah, they should hug more often. It was very comfortable.

[Yes!! NOW KISS!! ٩(♡ε♡)۶]

"Ew gross, Orion is back from a tantrum.." (M/n) set Jin-Woo back down, making a look of disgust. Jin-Woo also didn't like the constellation. So he joined (M/n) in spiting it with all the malice he could.

[Ugh, you guys are so mean! (︶︹︶ ||| )]

[It's like you're perfect for each other. (You are btw (^ω~))]

[I'll bring you back home now. (╬ Ò﹏Ó)]

"Oh nice. This is your room?"

"It's a little messy, but don't mind it too much." Jin-Woo scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, not knowing what to do in such a situation. He and (M/n) had teleported back to his house together, convenient for him. But (M/n) was still in his pajamas.

"Damn, I haven't even combed yet. How do you expect me to walk home in this?" (M/n) sighed, fixing his bedhead with one hand as he scratched his stomach with the other. Even though he just went through a terrifying experience, he was still tired and planned to sleep until noon.

"I mean you could run like really really fast. You'd just be a blur to normal people."

"But.. I haven't been to your house before.." (M/n) looked around Jin-Woo's room. Despite him claiming that it was messy, no clothes or wrappers were on the floor and the only thing messy were his blankets. This guy's sense of "messy" was on a whole other level.

(M/n) just leaves his cans of energy drinks, chips and bowls on the floor and leaves the cleaners to go clean it up. His appearance was the only thing that was respectable.

"So I can't navigate on my own. You know."

"You can use Google Maps."

"I don't bring my phone everywhere."

"You don't? I thought you were an addict."

"Your perceptions of me are so warped. What even made you think I was a beta?" (M/n) sighed, glancing over to Jin-Woo's stomach before blushing. He wasn't that different. He thought Jin-Woo was an alpha precisely because he gave off those vibes.

"Ah, it was your Hunter Wikipedia page. I skimmed over it a while ago.."

"My Hunter Wiki what??" (M/n) got confused, watching Jin-Woo take out his cellphone and search something online. He peered over his shoulder, watching him scroll down to the gender option. It actually said [Beta Male].

"That's really stupid. What part of me is beta?"

Sung Jin-Woo looked over to (L/n) (M/n) for a few seconds, his appearance to his language. Yeah.. (M/n) was right. What part of him seemed Beta? (M/n) right then screamed 'I-AM-A- DOMINANT-ALPHA. STAY-5-METERS-AWAY-FROM-ME-BECAUSE-I-WILL-ATTACK-YOU'

Then, he saw his picture on the wiki. Jin-Woo held his phone up and looked to his left and right, comparing the one in person, to the picture. "Now that I've thought of it, this is the first time I've seen you in pajamas."

(L/n) (M/n) was someone that barely swore, kept calm and wore modest clothing. But it looked like stress took over him so much it affected his personality. His mouth was foul with curses.

"Yeah, I mean the last time you saw me, I was naked."

"Oh," Jin-Woo blurted out, his face heating with that in mind. (M/n) quickly shut his mouth and looked away shyly, fixing his hair to seem more like himself. "Now we're in this situation, huh?" (M/n) mumbled, staring down at Jin-Woo's belly. It wasn't noticeable, but it showed a bump if you touched it.

"Do you.. wanna hug?" (M/n) diverted his vision away from Jin-Woo, a light blush on his face. "What made you say that?" Jin-Woo asked calmly, avoiding looking at (M/n). The (h/c)-haired alpha cleared his throat, extending his arms in the air.

"I don't know. You seemed to like it earlier.."

[Definitely you right now: Σ>―(〃°ω°〃)♡→]

[(￢‿￢ )]

Sung Jin-Woo nodded, placing his chin on (M/n)'s shoulder as he wrapped his arms around his torso. The same fragrant pheromone relaxing him enough to close his eyes. He felt safe in those arms, like he was under an unbreakable set of armor. "I feel like I could fall asleep like this.."

(L/n) (M/n) didn't know why his heart was beating so quickly, making his skin feel like they were on fire just from touching this omega. "We should hug more often," he said, rubbing on Jin-Woo's back calmly. It was fine for friends to hug, right?

But could we could even consider them friends when one of them was pregnant?

"Oppa, I think we ran out of dish soap—" Sung Jin-Ah opened the door, letting out an 'Oh' sound as she gazed at her brother. Then, Sung Jin-Woo noticed how odd it was to have (L/n) (M/n) there. "Wait, Jin-Ah! It's not what you think—"

"MOOOMMM!! JIN-WOO HAS A SECRET ALPHA BOYFRIEND!!"

"Sung Jin-Ah!" Jin-Woo yelled, squeezing her cheeks with one hand as she struggled to run away. "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT SO BAD WHEN I SMELLED ALPHA PHEROMONES ON YOU! IT'S VERY STRONG NOW!!" she screamed and kicked her feet in the air.

"Hold on. I'm not his boyfriend—"

"LET GO OF ME, OPPA! WHY ARE YOU SO STRONG?!"

(M/n)'s voice gradually got weaker as he pursed his lips awkwardly. There was no room to protest in the screaming girl in the room casually being battled to the death by her older brother. He just gave up.

It was that quick giving up that people thought he was a beta.

"Oh! You finally brought home your boyfriend. That's great," Park Kyung-He said as she stood on the doorframe. She smiled at (M/n), then stared at his sleepwear. "Jin-Woo! You even let him stay without telling us?"

"I didn't—"

"Shush! I know it could be embarrassing to reveal your first love. Come on, dear. What's your name?" she looked over to (M/n), waving her hand to call him over. "It's (L/n) (M/n), Maam.. Nice to meet you," he said shyly, not even refuting her words at all.

His cute demeanor made Kyung-He fall in love with him already. What a good future son-in-law. No wonder Jin-Woo liked him.

"Ah, come here now (M/n). I'll cook you breakfast too."

"If you don't mind me intruding. Thank you.." (M/n) said, following Kyung-He like he was an imprinted chick. "I'll be there too!" Jin-Ah said, wrestling with Jin-Woo's arm. "Let me go, you jerk! I wanna see what your boyfriend is like!"

"I already told you. He's not my boyfriend."

"Why are you even saying that at this point?" Jin-Ah made a face at him and slipped through his grasp, running out of his room in fear that he would catch her again. "I caught you red-handed! Hehe!!"

[[(¬‿¬ ) hehe..]]

"Orion.. What have you done to my system?" Jin-Woo grumbled, walking out of his room with a long sigh. He could explain to them later that he and (M/n) were just friends. But sadly, he would never get the opportunity to.

"So, when did you and Jin-Woo meet? Was it nice?"

"Oh! I met him at work. He was my partner for a while. And you know, when I saw him, he was so scary I thought he was an alpha!" (M/n) was suddenly very talkative, amusing the curious Kyung-He and Jin-Ah.

"Ohh.. So how did you fall in love?"

"We didn't!" Jin-Woo butted in, receiving sympathetic eyes from his family. "Oh, so it was Jin-Woo who fell first. I see," Kyung-He assumed. He asked (M/n) how he did, but it was her son that answered. Their romance was very cute.

"No.. That's not.."

"Wow, I didn't think Oppa would be the one to confess. He's being super shy about it right now. How could he even proclaim his love now..?" Jin-Ah exclaimed in shock, looking over to (L/n) (M/n). He did provide the juicy details she wanted in a romance novel. Jin-Ah approve!

But even though he was the one who confessed, why is he suddenly saying they weren't together? Was her Oppa too shy about it and only stayed sweet in front of his one true love? Isn't that.. too cute?!

"Huh? What are you all talking about? Jin-Woo didn't confess to me?"

Sung Jin-Ah's world was then flipped upside down. It all made sense. Jin-Woo was denser than the Earth itself. If (M/n) was he one who asked him out, it would make even more sense! Their trope was... Shy Omega x Outgoing Alpha! Jin-Ah prayed internally to her lord and savior, KatsuKavi. She was in a romance novel and she could watch the protagonists.

"Oppa, you're no fair! How did you get this lucky with KatsuKavi's pairing rituals?!"

"Who?!"

"The author!"

(A/N: ignore the fourth wall. There is no such thing.)

"Ah, we got too distracted! (M/n) could you clear the table?" Park Kyung-He stood up, moving towards the sink. (M/n) nodded obediently and helped her wash the dishes. Jin-Woo was dumbfounded at his goody good behavior.

He didn't even clean up at his own house. What was he doing being so good with his mother and sister?

"You're a good kid, (M/n). I approve of you."

"Thank you," (M/n) said, chatting a little bit with Kyung-He until he could call her 'Mom'. Sung Jin-Woo gritted his teeth as he watched (L/n) (M/n) be the new favorite.

"Oppa, (M/n) is so good to us. How dare you hog him for yourself," Jin-Ah glared at him from across the room, getting an angry look from Jin-Woo. "Wow, so possessive.." she murmured to herself, skipping happily to her new brother-in-law.

Possessive? No, Jin-Woo wasn't being possessive. He must've just been jealous (L/n) (M/n) was getting all the attention. But when did Jin-Woo start caring about being the center of attention?

He looked over to his best friend, biting his lip to ignore the tight feeling in his chest. He wanted to scream 'look at me!', but he was so dense he didn't know who he wanted to look at him.

"Ah, that's Jin-Woo?! He looks totally different!" (M/n) exclaimed, looking through Jin-Ah's older photos of Jin-Woo. He did look like an omega before, but he drastically changed after becoming a S-Rank Hunter. It was like he was a totally different person.

"Yeah, he used to be so cute and sunny. Now look at him! He's growling at me for taking you away from him."

"I am not growling at you!" Jin-Woo argued, knitting his eyebrows together. He didn't know why, but he felt so annoyed being so far away from Jin-Ah and (M/n). Normally, he wouldn't care but for some weird reason, he didn't like being treated like air.

(L/n) (M/n) soon changed out of his sleepwear and took a nice shower. He didn't wear any pheromone masking agent, so everyone could smell his masculine pheromones leaking out. As much as Jin-Woo liked it, he felt a little annoyed that his 'friend' was being used as incense.

"Mom, did you let him wear dad's clothes?"

"Mhm. It wasn't being used anyway," Kyung-He answered Jin-Woo. She put her hands together, making a sad smile as he looked over to (M/n). "I think it should go to good use, you think?"

"Yeah."

"He suits it well, right?"

"Yeah."

"He's more handsome now, isn't he?"

"I agree."

Sung Jin-Woo crossed his arms over his stomach. (L/n) (M/n) was very attractive in his eyes and a fuzzy feeling would come when thinking of him. "I can tell you really love him. So don't let him go." Kyung-He coaxed Jin-Woo. His mind was blank, only focusing on (M/n).

"Yeah."

"Oi, Jin-Woo! Why did you smile so weirdly in this photo!"

'Ah, I hate him so much,' Jin-Woo thought as (M/n) made fun of him. "Don't look at those!" he marched over, snatching the photo album from his hands while Jin-Ah and (M/n) laughed on the floor.

"Pfft! I don't want our child to look like that!"

"It'll be even worse if it looked like you!"

"I'm a handsome bastard and you know that!"

"I didn't know you wanted children. I hope they look beautiful in the future," Jin-Ah's eyes sparkled at the thought of cute children saying 'Aunt' at her. She wanted to squeeze their chubby cheeks immediately.

"Wait five months, then you decide if the baby will look good."

"Five months? So you're getting married in five months?"

"What? No, I mean Jin-Woo is giving birth in five months." (M/n)'s laughter soon ceased into silence as Jin-Woo walked closer to him menacingly. He then understood why (M/n) didn't want him to tell Jin-Ho about his circumstances. It was so embarrassing for them to know. Now they're never going to let him give it up.

In front of his family, his face became tomato red with both anger and embarrassment as he crouched down to strangle (L/n) (M/n). "Why did you tell them, you dumbass?!"

"Eh?? I thought they already knew from how you told Jin-Ho from the moment we left the hospital."

"Shut up." Jin-Woo balled his fist and set it in the air, his other hand on (M/n)'s chest to prevent him from moving. "Wait, wait! Don't actually—"

"Oppa, you're pregnant?" Sung Jin-Ah's shock had multiplied by 900, so did her happiness. "MOM! IM GOING TO BE AN AUNT! WOOHOO!" She stood up from her place and fetched her phone with a massive smile. She was going to brag to all her friends all about it, wasn't she?

"This is a pleasant surprise. Jin-Woo! You don't tell us about anything going on your life." Kyung-He also smiled, half scolding Jin-Woo. He was already 24, so he could decide as an adult. She had no problem with it. "First, you're a hunter, then your secret fiancee, now your child? Hoo, you.."

Wait, why did secret alpha boyfriend evolve into fiancee? They weren't getting married after the birth of the child!

(M/n)'s ears were about to bleed. He forgot about it! But because of their excessive happiness, he couldn't bring himself to disagree with what they were saying in fear they'd be disappointed. So he could only regrettably nod.

[Yay! Yay! Baby!!]

[We're getting a little hunter!! (☆ω☆)]

Jin-Woo's complexion became pale blue. They were doomed.

[serial-serializednovelreader]

@mermaid-above-water forgive me for putting my answer to your questions in a reblog, but the comment section word limits were…frustrating.

To your first point, I do think Jonathan uses his journal as a place to write for comfort and out of habit! Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s a luxury he has anymore because the Count has stolen every single bit of paper from him. That is a very clear signal that his diary will be taken too if he’s not careful, so he likely hasn’t written in it at all unless it’s something of importance, and unless he feels he can take his journal out safely without the Count’s presence. Because he just witnessed the Slovaks and Szgany laughing at him, he considers this somewhat important because it shows, well, he’s not getting any help from that corner anymore. He may also be sparing on the diary entries simply because he’s running out of paper and wants to save it. He probably had plenty of paper to spare before Dracula came along but now…either way, it shows that an activity Jonathan once turned to for comfort (journaling) has, I think, kind of been taken away from him and all he can do is wait in silence for a way out.

To your second and third points, I definitely agree that Dracula is not mind controlling that many people — that would be way too much for even him! Initially, I considered mind control when it was just the one guy who got the letters, but that would have a big domino effect and the rest of the Szgany would notice this, so I think we can assume that he probably didn’t do that.

Money is definitely something we should consider: after all, money talks, right? It would be very easy for Dracula to hand the guy who took the letters a bag of coins and be done with it. But the question is: would that take care of the problem?

What Dracula has to consider here is that this could happen again. Maybe not with the Szgany, but with another group. And yes, he can take away Jonathan’s papers, his money, his credibility, everything Jonathan has, but that still isn’t enough for the Count. First of all, Jonathan may have an ace up his sleeve (and he does — Jonathan can just use the paper from his diary as a letter if he has to) and secondly, Dracula doesn’t just want to isolate him and feed — he wants to make this guy suffer too. What’s the best way to do that? Systemically break his will. How? Well…several ways. We’ve seen some of the ways he’s made Jonathan despair and lose hope before, and burning his letter in front of his eyes was one of them. But what if he also punished him by making everyone who could help him turn their backs on him?

Now, Dracula could do this very easily by just threatening the Szgany and telling them to tell everyone else to never talk to Jonathan or else. That’s effective and straightforward. But that’s not the way Dracula plays his games. He only uses that kind of “brute force” when he has to. He prefers to play the role of benevolent host…until you get too close.

That’s why I think rather than just paying off the Szgany (though he may have done this as well), I think what he did was spread rumors about Jonathan. I talk more about it on what he said and how he did it above, but I honestly think that’s how he operated here. And if you think about it, that’s what he did to Jonathan with the villagers. He started off by kind of calling them “foolish” and other such things, making them seem inferior. Then, when the facade started to drop, it became apparent just how much he hated the villagers and how little he thought of them in comparison to himself.

His goal was to divide Jonathan from them and make Dracula seem like he considered Jonathan an equal (which worked, until he got mad from a question and revealed he thought of Jonathan the exact same way — you tried, Drac). The thing is, Jonathan was just too open-minded to really listen to him on it! So that’s my reasoning there.

To your last point: how is Dracula feeding? I believe today’s entry answers that horrifying question — and it’s not Jonathan. My Nova’s Notes on that will be by soon!

Nova’s Notes - Dracula Daily - June 17

The Droughtula is broken!!! Finally!!! Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean Jonathan is having a good time.

“I heard without a cracking of whips and pounding and scraping of horses' feet up the rocky path beyond the courtyard. With joy I hurried to the window, and saw drive into the yard two great leiter-wagons, each drawn by eight sturdy horses, and at the head of each pair a Slovak, with his wide hat, great nail-studded belt, dirty sheepskin, and high boot. They had also their long staves in hand.”

Wow, so we already have a lot here. Notice how Jonathan is so alert to anything that can aid his escape, he hears exactly what is happening outside the window and where it is as well.

“With joy” — oh Jonathan 🥺🥺🥺 he still has hope. As he should but AHHH

Again, Jonathan takes the time to describe the Slovaks, transcribing every last detail in case it might be important later. Also, this is what a leiter-wagon looks like and I find that interesting because I assumed it would just look like any other wagon, and it’s cool that Jonathan notates that. I was confused by what staves meant so here’s what I found — they are long narrow sticks of wood/iron which can be linings on a barrel, but I think in this context, means the plural of walking staff!

“Again a shock: my door was fastened on the outside.”

Noooo, he locked him in again but this time, it’s in his room! He must have done it while Jonathan was sleeping, or I’ve no doubt he would have heard it. It’s so sad to see him not be able to get closer to these people who are like a liveline to him right now.

“Then I ran to the window and cried to them. They looked up at me stupidly and pointed, but just then the "hetman" of the Szgany came out, and seeing them pointing to my window, said something, at which they laughed. Henceforth no effort of mine, no piteous cry or agonised entreaty, would make them even look at me. They resolutely turned away.”

So, obviously, this is not good for Jonathan and I have a theory now about what Szgany said. So, we all assume that either Dracula persuaded the Szgany by using brute force or mind control to get his way, but this kind of reaction leads me to believe a different theory. What if Dracula told the Szgany that Jonathan was a mentally ill relative/friend and he was keeping him in his castle while he was being treated? There’s no reason that he has to do this, but he knows that this is a good way to help spread the word and discredit Jonathan’s name. He could’ve even said it in a “between you and me” way to act as if it’s an eccentric rich person secret. Yes, he looks down on anyone that isn’t him, but he does know these people, and he knows they talk.

Why do I think this? Well, them laughing at him and immediately turning back to their work is an indicator. If the Szgany had been brute forced or mind controlled, they likely would’ve said something that would’ve made the Slovaks somber, not laugh. There are other reasons they could’ve done laughed, but it does make a lot of sense that if they’re told he has mental problems, they would probably just laugh him off (which isn’t very nice, of course, but unfortunately this is how people with mental illnesses/neurodivergences/etc. were treated in that time and still are today) until they get back to work. They were also probably told by Dracula (through the Szgany) to ignore him as if he doesn’t exist, which they do.

“The leiter-wagons contained great, square boxes, with handles of thick rope; these were evidently empty by the ease with which the Slovaks handled them, and by their resonance as they were roughly moved. When they were all unloaded and packed in a great heap in one corner of the yard, the Slovaks were given some money by the Szgany, and spitting on it for luck, lazily went each to his horse's head. Shortly afterwards, I heard the cracking of their whips die away in the distance.”

I can’t say what these boxes are used for without giving away spoilers, but I want you to remember that they’re giving boxes — presumably empty — to Dracula’s castle. I believe it will be important later.

That’s it. I assume Jonathan doesn’t have any more to write because, well, what else can he say? It was another failed escape attempt and likely in an effort to save paper and because he’s feeling numb, he probably doesn’t want to write more than he has to. It likely hurts for him to write anything, but he needs to note this down, because it could be important later.

[theggning]

Danse! Danse! Danse! Danse!

One sec, let me just... dig through this massive pile of sobbing lovestruck metas I've already... oh man there were some under the couch too... phew I've done a lot of these.

So along with just general gushing, I've already covered why he is definitely a runaway and not an Institute infiltrator, my thoughts on his friendship with Cutler and how he talks about it now, why the cut ending of Blind Betrayal was dumb garbage that ruins his character, and why it's okay that Danse doesn't turn from his loyalty to the Brotherhood five seconds after he's traumatically removed from it.

So this time I'm just going to talk about his personality and how neat it is.

Danse seriously comes off as every inch the uptight Brotherhood bootlicking asshole that he seems to be at first glance. At first. Yes, Danse has been immersed and thriving in Brotherhood culture for well over 10 (closer to 15) years and so deeply steeped in it that it seems like there's little of him left untainted by it. Yes, he's bigoted against synths and echoes the standard BoS distaste for ghouls. Yes, he eats, breathes, sleeps, sweats, and bleeds Brotherhood, and he is fully willing to die for them if the need arises.

But even before the events that completely rock his foundation, Danse is struggling under the very system that he's serving in. He canonically suffers from PTSD, and is too much a workaholic/too busy to take the time to care for it. He's watched friends, mentors, and squadmates die in truly horrible ways, and he's starting to question whether it's all been worth it.

Sadly, Danse isn't confident enough in himself or his own principles to see what he's actually questioning, so instead he turns all his uneasiness into self-doubt. He doubts his own capabilities as a leader and blames himself for the deaths of Recon Squad Gladius. He says that his own mentor Paladin Krieg never asked questions, and wishes that he was good enough a soldier not to ask questions either. He apologizes that the Sole Survivor "had to see (him) at his worst" (ie: expressing emotions and humanity) and is thoroughly unused to the concept of someone liking him or being his friend on his own merits and not because of the BoS.

Beneath the soldier and the steel and the (really, really) offputting bigotry, there is a lot to like about Danse. He's a gentleman. He's polite, he's honorable, he has a strong sense of duty. He likes to help people and he likes serving a cause bigger than himself. He's interested in machines and history, muses about pre-War activities like fishing, bowling, going to live concerts, and seeing movies. He likes beer. He has a sense of humor so dry and deadpan it's easy to miss that it's there. And he also has his own code of ethics separate from what the BoS has implanted in him, more compassionate and philanthropic than anyone would expect from a BoS soldier.

(See: Billy the ghoul kid, the USS Constitution quest, the Minutemen, and the Covenant quest-- in which Danse is vehement that Dr. Chambers must be stopped, even though her torturous experiments target "the enemy." It's more important to him that this barbaric cruelty be stopped than that it find a way to "catch" synths.)

So the nature of Danse's character, really, is recognizing what in him is his own, and what was planted there by someone else. Who is the man separated from the Brotherhood? What does he feel to be right in his heart, and what has he been TOLD he should feel?

This is brilliantly illustrated in Blind Betrayal. Because what Danse needs to come out of it alive is, quite simply, the reminder that his feelings exist. Beyond what the Brotherhood told him, beyond what the Institute or anybody else may have programmed into him, Danse is his own person and has his own feelings. He is outraged by the accusation that his pain, his sorrow, his pride, his joy, and his loyalty were not natural parts of him, and that all of the sacrifices he's made over the years weren't his own choice. This is the point on which he finally turns on Maxson, and the spark he needs to find the will to live as his own man, despite the orders that he must die.

After Blind Betrayal, we get the chance to meet a fledgling new Danse who's been stripped of everything that's ever meant anything to him. He's traumatized, lonely, questioning everything about himself, his thoughts, and his body-- but for the first time in a long time, he has the chance to be himself, and the chance to choose who he's going to be. The open nature of the game's world and storytelling means that we don't get it illustrated for us in the game itself, but given his softening stance on synths and steps he makes towards accepting his own nature, I think it's fair to say that Danse is on his way to being a better man once all is said and done.

In other words, he is a Strong Flawed Sad Tragic Himbo Whom I Can Save With My Love, Bethesda was directly targeting me with his personality, and I love him to bits.

[smol-jinyoungie96]

Devil Judge - Episode 5 (i’m not okay)

Right! So review timeeeee this is a long one lol

I love the opening. Facts

This man clearly carries a lot of burden but he loves his brother so much.

Watching the first part made me wonder if they are trying to make the viewers think if he really killed his brother and is guilty, hence the nightmares of his dead brother standing in the middle of his room, or is it because he feels guilty that he was only able to save Elijah and himself… either way they kinda show us that there is guilt somewhere in him.

When Elijah comes to his room she says about him not waking up like that before, could mean that Ga On’s presence is worsening his guilty conscious, or from my perspective, i just think that 10 years worth of forcibly trampled down trauma is threatening to explode.

Devil judge or not, no one can control that amount of severe trauma for long.

Next point! Kim Ga On is so sweet with a kind heart, he initially joined the court to spy on Yohan but just based on him clawing open unhealed wounds, he feels so deeply for Yohan to the point he is willing to quit the bench just so Yohan doesn’t have to look at him and see his brother’s face every time.

He tries to relate to Yohan on an emotional level that they both feel due to losing their loved ones. But a few things that I noticed is that when Yohan says,

“I certainly don’t want to hear that from someone that looks like him”

Again, being called the devil judge or not, but having someone who shares the same face as his brother accusing him of killing the said brother has to hurt deep down.

2. “I wonder how much you’ve discovered”

To me, i think that Yohan knew from the beginning that Ga On was looking into him, and yet he has Ga On in a place where Bambi himself admits to it.

3. “I don’t remember asking you to understand me”

I feel like he is intentionally pretending to push Ga On away because he knows that Bambi will do the exact opposite. It is literally in Ga On’s blood to always try and sympathise with anyone who has any sort of emotional baggage. He knows he can lure Ga On more towards him if he pushed the right buttons.

One part that stuck to me the most is when Ga On says

“hunters mask their scent completely, until the time is right”

Could it be foreshadowing?

It could hint towards him fooling Ga On to believing him until it is too late for Bambi to realise because well, Ga On falls for any heartbreaking story.

But at the same time it is also similar to the way Yohan is so close with the rich socialites to win their trust until the time is right for him to finally reveal that he is in fact a hunter and they’ve been his prey all along.

When Ga On leaves Yohan says that “it’s weird because I’ve never experienced that before”

That, being another human being connecting to him on such a deep emotional level and that’s something he hasn’t felt for almost ten years.

The way he talks about Ga On relating to him with an expression of awe makes me think that it could also be a fact as to why Yohan has this obsession with Ga On.

The minister’s interview was a clever way to show the people that despite being a mother she is a person who has her duty towards the country as a priority but also wanting to make the public question Yohan’s morals.

Please look at his fond little smile,

it’s a genuine reaction to Ga On tricking him into eating proper food by mentioning wrinkles and his age 💀 but also, signs to say that the little annoying pest is growing on him.

The scene with Ga On and Soo Hyun, they talk about the fire and there’s one line that Soo hyun says,

“The list of attendees to the ceremony was covered up, that’s not something Kang Yohan could’ve done 10 years ago. That takes controlling the press and prosecution”

A clear indication that someone who held power over both media and the prosecution was involved in the accident.

Everything Ga On has seen so far after he joined the live show has terrorised him so much but he is still worried about Soo Hyun because he has seen things that she hasn’t.. even when she’s a cop.. even when the reason she became a cop in the first place is because she want to help him and to keep him out of trouble.

Their bond is so pure and cute.

THE TRIAL

The beginning was so cute with the sweetest welcome back to Ga On and then there’s Yohan giving him a fond smile as if Ga On was actually on death’s doorstep and not snooping around his house arguing with a nanny about not being sleeping beauty..

The case was a set up from the get go. It was just a trap from the beginning to push Yohan to a corner.

They wanted him to have no where to turn to when prosecution suggested “physical castration” (gross) because if he gave into the requested sentence,

they would very easily twist it into making him look like a sadistic monster and if he didn’t give in and went with the 20 years of prison time requested by the defendant,

that would make him look like just another person who doesn’t bother with taking people’ opinion into consideration. Which would make his own statements from the first episode wildly contradicting to what he went with.

Even the stupid lawyer tries so hard to push him to this corner by repeating “this is what the majority wants” but Kang Yohan is definitely smarter than they give him credit for because he puts the pieces together as soon as Jung Sun Ah sets foot inside the court room.

I love that Ga On as a judge as come to a point where he genuinely relied on Yohan as to what they were going to do instead of directly challenging his authority like he had done in the first case. Another sign that Ga On is starting to trust his boss.

Jung Sun Ah thinks! That she has him helpless but then this man turns the whole game upside down. (Even here, it’s really just a game in the name of justice, it is a power play between two sides)

If the minister and Jung Sun Ah thought they were a step ahead of Yohan, he definitely proved that he is ten steps ahead of them when he gave that sentence.

I completely adore the trust Ga On and Jin Joo has on their boss. Especially the way Ga On shares a real relieved smile with Jin Joo and the way he looks so relieved that things weren’t going to be as bad as he thought.

Teen Ga On was definitely a delinquent. The sight is just ✨

Another important point is that just when he learns to trust his boss, now he is struggling,

Because from one side there’s Kang Yohan asking him is he’s going to stand by him or stand against him,

And on the other hand there’s the Chief Justice asking him to choose between being an accomplice or an informant.

They’re both essentially asking him to pick a side and it looks like they’re pulling him back and forth between themselves. He’s struggling because as much as he wants to stand by Yohan, he can see that Yohan’s approach to justice is being adapted by the public,

For an example when those three kids were playing, it gives him a notion that the barbaric flogging system is now being used as a playing method by kids.. kids. It genuinely seemed to scare him that the way those kids were laughing and smiling while playfully hitting the small boy.

Kim Ga On is shown as this impulsive, level headed judge with a black and white sense of Justice but he too carries a lot of pain and burden similar to Yohan. But in his case, he’s being put on the spot between the two sides, eventually it will be him who has to face the consequences if he chooses the wrong side.

And being on the wrong side of Kang Yohan doesn’t really seem to be the smartest thing at the moment.

Going back to Kang Yohan and Kim Ga On, i like the way Bambi calls Yohan out for implying that being a monster is better than being a victim when he’s not brave enough to face his own pain.

That genuine shock on Yohan’s face is enough to show that Kim Ga On is really out there pulling out this man’s traumas one by one like he’s pulling out grass from the ground.

Again it shows how much Yohan is suffering inside because ultimately, that mansion is just a giant nightmare for him.

JUNG SUN AH/KANG YOHAN

first of all.

CONSENT!

i felt bad for Yohan.

But Jung Sun Ah is really obsessed with him to the point she jumped from the second floor just because he said he to, when Yohan came to a place of power, she worked herself to her own place of power. Her obsession with him runs too deep.

Tomorrow’s episode is already making me nervous because i feel like Jung Sun Ah is going to use Soo Hyun to drive a wedge between Yohan and Ga On.

If he did his homework on Ga On. I’m sure she has done hers as well.

More or less, Episode 5 was like the calm before the storm.

Unsurprisingly, i hate storms.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for listening to me ranting.

Please send help

[blossom-hwa]

lee minho + soulmate au - featuring his cats please!

Thank you for requesting!

Stray Kids drabble game: send me a Stray Kids member + a prompt (check out the post for ideas) and I’ll write a drabble for you!

~

Title: Universal Fuck-Ups (It Turned Out Fine, Though)

Pairing: Minho x gender neutral!reader

Word count: 1.1k

Triggers: cursing

~

Sometimes soulmates work out. The marks align, another half a tattoo knits itself onto skin to join with the original and create the beautiful pictures that books and movies are set by destiny, fate, whatever the hell they call the force that decides who has to be matched with who. The pair (or triple, or however many people are in the lucky group) sees stars because they’re happily in love at first sight or whatever. 

Minho can confirm he saw stars when he touched his soulmate, though it wasn’t because he met perfection at first sight. It was because she punched him in the face. 

All because she’d tripped over Soonie at the cat cafe and he’d stepped in to tell her to stop fucking yelling at Soonie since she was the clumsy asshole who hadn’t seen his cat in the first place. 

So in hindsight, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to come on so strong, but still, Minho didn’t expect to get punched in the fucking face. And he certainly didn’t expect pain to bloom not just in his bleeding nose but also in his side, where the image of the dancing pair inked onto his rib cage had just completed itself. 

To be fair to himself, he did try. Normally Minho has a strict “it’s on sight” policy for anyone who decides to be rude to his cats, especially Soonie, but she got to play the soulmate card, which entitled her to exactly one chance to improve her behavior. 

Guess who blew it. 

It really was a hassle to get her out of his apartment when she started yelling at Dori, the baby. If Minho tries, he can still hear her shrill voice screaming, ”You're going to kick out your soulmate, seriously? You’re picking a cat over me?”

“Cats are a pretty good judge of character,” he’d said, shrugging. “Soonie never liked you. Neither did Doongie. For pretty good reasons, I’d say. Don’t know why I bothered giving you a chance.”

She hit his door a few times after he slammed it shut, but then she left. Minho breathed a sigh of relief.

And then he had to come to terms with the fact that he was one of the broken links in the chain of soulmates that wrapped several million times around the Earth. 

It doesn’t take as long as it could have. Minho has good friends and loving family, and he also has his cats. With most of them reassuring him that he’d done the right thing, Minho gets over it and quickly accepts the fact that though no one will love him romantically, at least he still has friendship and the love of his family. That was always more than enough - why would it be any different now?

Then Wooyoung, a friend of Changbin’s, shows up at some college reunion with you in tow, one half of a recently broken soulmate pair. After several drinks and a conversation, Minho is feeling his heart flutter in a way it hadn’t since like... high school. And it’s probably not just the alcohol.

(Isn’t it sad that he never felt that way around his universe-given soulmate? Not for him, of course, but wow, God fucked up with this one.)

Your breakup wasn’t quite as messy as his - lots of tears, of course, but you and Seonghwa just didn’t click the way you should’ve. In the end, you decided you were better off as friends. 

“He’s over there,” you say, pointing to a tall, handsome man talking with Wooyoung and a few others. “He’d probably like you, I think you’d get along.”

They do get along, once you and Wooyoung push them together enough times and Seonghwa stops being so shy. Which is good, because when Minho finally realizes he’s head over heels in love with you, Seonghwa is there to pester with questions about your favorite flowers, your favorite foods, whether or not you would enjoy living with cats because there is no question that there will be kitties forever in Minho’s future. 

(”Y/N’s been to your apartment multiple times, Minho - don’t you think if they had a problem with your cats, they would’ve said something by now?”

“Seonghwa, visiting someone with cats and living with cats are two completely different things -”)

Minho isn’t normally one to stress, but once he’s confirmed that his cats like you too, he writes and rewrites the mini speech he plans to give you about soulmates and how the system kind of sucks because why didn’t he end up with you, also his soulmate tattoo is a dancing pair and he’d really like to stop thinking of the second partner as his former soulmate and as you instead. And then he doesn’t even have to give the speech because you accidentally find it when you come over one day and Minho is forced to suffer through you reading all of his illegible handwriting, complete with crossings-out and different colors of pen ink from when one pen ran out and he had to find another. 

“I think this is the first time I’ve seen you flustered,” is the first thing you say when you put down the paper. “Minho, are you sweating?”

“... It’s hot in here.”

“No it isn’t, I’m freezing.” You grab his hand and pull him forward, wrapping your arms around his chest. “There, much better.”

Minho knows you aren’t the soulmate the universe designated him, the one who completed the dancing pair tattooed into his side. He knows he isn’t the one the universe decided was perfect for you, either - the delicate flowering vine along your collarbone is proof of that. But just as sure as he knows he loves kissing the individual flowers and leaves that trail across your skin, he also knows you’re the one for him. 

(”Am I the one for you?” he asks late one night. His fingers trail across the vine and you shiver a little under his touch. 

“Asking stupid questions now?” you ask, raising an eyebrow. 

“No questions are stupid.”

“The ones with obvious answers are.”

“Then what’s the answer, if it’s so obvious?”

You press your lips to his once, briefly. “That answer enough?”

Minho pulls you close in response, pouting against your skin. “Say it out loud.”

“Baby.” You pinch his side and he does the same to you. “Fine.” A slow smile spreads across your face as your eyes sparkle into his. “You’re the one for me, Minho, no matter what the universe decides.”)

[thelordofdarkreunion]

The Misty Planet

Here we go.  By request, a story (or, in this case, story line) where the Scoundrels meet Deus from the Empyrean Iris stories by starr-fall-knight-rise.  Things play out a little differently here, because this time, the Great Game has begun, and there are now more players...

“The game is afoot.”  -Sherlock Holmes

The view from the starship’s bridge was quite the sight to behold.  A massive red star, glowing with power, shone from outside.  The windows were tinted, of course, to allow the individuals inside to see without damaging their vision.  But, mighty as the star was, it was another structure that the individuals were examining.  The second star.  Smaller, but no less beautiful than the first.  This one, though, had strange, alien structures orbiting it.  Which was why the group was here.  

“So.  We’re the bloody universe’s problem solvers, I suppose,” muttered Thomas Drake, itching his nose with the edge of a black-gloved finger.  

“Well, we were the first to make contact with each other and the other galaxies after the… time-screwy thing.  We also prevented the attack on the Citadel, and found out who was behind it,” replied Shepard.  “Still working on finding the Shadow Broker and why he… or she, possibly, would want to kill the members of almost every government in the universe.”  

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.  We’ll figure that one out later.  One problem at a time,” sighed Krirk.

“I’m good with that,” said Drake.  “Now.  On to business.  Admiral Vir.  Why the hell are we here?”  Vir walked up to the viewing glass and let out a low sigh.  

“Well, basically, here’s the deal.  My crew and I came to the Polaris star, which most of you ought to recognize as it exists in all of your galaxies except one, and saw this weird, unknown structure on Polaris Ab, the smaller star of the two main ones.  We have also discovered a planet nearby.”  Vir went to a console and pulled up an image, taken from the ground of a strange looking alien wasteland.  He let out a deep breath before going on.  “This was a picture taken on a very similar planet that my crew found in the past.  The two seem to be related.”

“I have a bad feeling about this,” muttered Solo.  Cooper gave him a blank stare.  

“Do you ever not?” 

“Occasionally,” huffed Solo.  “When we aren’t going to mysterious planets covered with red mist and big black pillars.”

“I agree.  The whole thing is rather… ominous,” said Shepard.  

“Well, if in doubt, we nuke the whole thing and be done with it,” said Drake.  Vir gave him a long-suffering side glance.  

“No.  We are not going to nuke it,” he said.  “There is too much information at stake.”  He sighed again.  “On that planet, we, or some of my crew and I, received visions of an entity called ‘Deus.’  What Deus is or what it wants we do not know.  However, we believe that these planets are somehow aligned.”  The holographic image changed, showing the Polaris system interlinked with the other strange, red planet, the Drev homeoworld, the Celzex homeworld, and Earth.  “What this place is, who created the massive structure on Polaris Ab, and why these systems are all interlinked is what we are here to find out,” finished Vir.  

“Visions?” asked Cain.  Not good.  Most definitely not good.  

“Yes,” replied Vir.  “Not harmful or long lasting, though.”  The group was silent for a moment, as they decided on how to approach this.  Throughout his career as a ship’s captain, and later, admiral, Vir usually operated on his best judgement.  While occasionally shaky at times, it usually won the day.  However, when wasn’t sure what to do, he usually asked himself one question: what would Captain Kirk do?  Well, Kirk was now here, in the same room, and apparently he didn’t have any clue either.  Might as well find out what he thinks, I suppose.  “Captain Kirk?  You seem to be in these sorts of situations a lot.  What do you think we should do?”  Kirk looked over with a frown.  

“We should investigate,” he said finally.  “I don’t particularly like it, never have, never will, but we have to see what’s going on all the same.”  The group nodded to each other.  

“Cooper and Solo, you stay up here in case anything… funny goes on,” ordered Vir.  The two nodded their consent.  “The rest of us… prepare.  Meet you on these coordinates on planet in 45 minutes.”

Aboard the Apocalypse   

“Right you sorry lot!  We are going planetside to investigate a bunch of alien architecture.  There may or may not be hostiles, but this place gives me the creeps,” announced Drake.  The Third Squad of armsmen looked over to him.  Lucky them.  They drew duty rotation when we’re above disturbing planet central.  “I’ve been around long enough, seen enough, heard enough stories, and watched enough horror movies to know what’s probably going to happen.”  As he said this, a pair of robotic arms locked his armor in place.  The armsmen were gearing up and checking their weapons, but still listening intently.  “You are going to bring full combat gear, full weapons, the works!  The whole works!  Everyone is going to be wearing fully sealed armor, and carry an extra respirator on hand, just in case.  You are also bringing provisions, again, just in case.”  Drake grabbed his plasma rifle and double, then triple checked it.  He then keyed his comms.  “Richter.  Ordelphine.  If for some reason we do not make it back, you are not to send any more soldiers down.  You have full authorizations for Genesis 19 protocols.  Use your best judgement.  I trust you two more than anyone else in this fleet, so do not allow them to override you.  Hopefully it doesn’t come to that.”  On the other side of the comms line, Richter and Ordelphine winced.  Genesis 19 was code for the complete nuclear annihilation of anything on a planet deemed to be a threat.  Drake wasn’t taking any chances here, it seemed.  

Aboard the Normandy

Shepard took up a heavy machine gun and checked the ammunition.  This place reminded him too much of old Prothean planets, and the beacons located on them.  The massive black pillars and the visions Vir and his crew got from being near them were too much like the beacon he had touched on Eden Prime…  He still had nightmares about that mission.  This time, he was taking no chances.  Instead of taking a full team with him, he decided to go with what he normally did, and take three ground crew members.  All were carefully selected.  Garrus, because he wouldn’t trust anyone else to have his back as well as the Turian sniper.  Samara.  An ancient Asari biotic.  None more powerful or calm in a crisis.  Lastly, Mordin.  A Salarian scientist.  The only expert he had at the moment who might be able to figure out what these ruins were.  He hoped it would be enough.  

Aboard the Enterprise

Kirk, Spock and Master Chief stood next to the cylindrical grey transporters of the Enterprise.  The two Starfleet officers stood, checking their phasers and respirator masks, making sure nothing would go wrong once they got planetside.  Alongside them were a group of low ranking redshirts (hopefully they wouldn’t die this time, though Kirk was less than hopeful)  and the massive, green-clad figure of the Chief.  Said figure was currently looking over all of his weapons, making sure they were all there and battle ready.  Out of all the Scoundrels, it went without saying that he was the most physically powerful.  It would be his duty to eradicate anything particularly big or nasty they found on the planet.  If, of course, there was actually anything there.  The fleet’s scanners had picked up no life signs, but everyone was still on edge.  Kirk nodded and the group stepped into the transporter.  

“Beam us up, Scotty.”

Aboard the Omen

Commissar Cain leaned against a shuttle in the Omen’s massive hangar bay.  Of course, as the regiment’s champion of all things strange and alien, he had been chosen to lead the surface party.  He couldn’t say no.  How would it look to refuse to partake in a mission of this calibre in front of not only the Valhallans, but the Omen’s crew as well?  He would lose his status if he did.  So, it was with a very heavy heart that he warily donned his tattered set of carapace armor, strapped on his weapons, and made his way to the hangar.  Sargent Grifen was already there, along with her squad.  At least it was Grifen.  Cain had gone through a necron tomb with her squad and lived.  If he trusted anyone in the regiment with this mission, it was her.  And, of course, Jurgen.  Cain’s aide stood by his side, his ever present smell lingering in the air.  In his hands he held his melta gun, a weapon that had saved both their lives on numerous occasions.  Cain was sure Jurgen had other trinkets hidden in his pouches, in addition to the las rifle slung across his back.  Jurgen was ever prepared for anything.  

Cain looked up and over to where Admiral Vir entered the hangar.  He was backed up by a full contingent of marines and members of the Drev clan, followed by a few of the ship’s scientists.  Vir was wearing his suit of Iron Eye armor, fully insulated against the outside atmosphere.  Inside it, he was one of the group’s resident super soldiers, able to perform feats no ordinary person could ever aspire to.  Vir nodded as the Drev came to ease, resting their spears on the floor, and the marines checked their rifles one last time.  

“Let’s get going then, shall we?”

On the Planet

The Omen’s shuttle had landed in some sort of marshland, brackish water reaching up to the group’s shins.  Red mist stretched as far as the eye could see.  Black plants and a few totally black, dead trees littered the ground.  The Milano was parked nearby, on a larger solid stretch of ground, and Quill lounged outside it while his crew looked merely bored at the lack of action on this strange planet.  The Valhallans filed out of the shuttle, looking apprehensive in contrast to the Quill’s boredom and Vir’s excitement over exploring new planets.  A tiled black road led to some sort of black mass in the distance.  A city, if Vir had to guess.  How exciting!

A high whining sound rang out, and Kirk, Spock, and Master Chief teleported in alongside a contingent of Starfleet red-shirts.  The Chief stood statue still, weapons ready, as the Starfleet operatives joined the crew of the Omen in examining the black plant life that dotted the ground and the spaces in between the road tiles.  

The roar of shuttle engineers pierced the air, and the Normandy’s sleek shuttle made its descent alongside the Apocalypse’s heavy gunship transport.  Shepard, Garrus, and two aliens Vir and Cain didn’t recognize stepped out of the first, while Drake and a full contingent of armsmen.  

One of Shepard’s crew, a Salarian, by the looks of him, made a b-line to the scientists examining the plants, while Shepard and the other two greeted Quill.  The Apocalypse’s armsmen disembarked quickly, weapons at the ready as if they were on an active battlefield.  Drake made a circular motion to the shuttle pilot, who gave a thumbs up and immediately took off.  Drake approached Cain and gave a curt nodd.   

“This is your galaxy, Vir, so you’re in charge, but I don’t like the looks of this place.  I don’t want to spend a second longer here than I need to.”  Cain nodded.

“I agree.  This reminds me too much of some of the… stranger things I’ve seen.”  Vir pointed to the buildings on the horizon.  

“I understand,” he said reassuringly.  “Plus, we need to investigate that way anyway.  Let's move on.”  Vir made a motion to the scientists still crouched along the beginning of the pathway.  Dr. Wilson, one of the Omen’s scientists, looked up and held out a vial of the black plant.

“These are all dead.  But they’re remarkably well preserved…”

“Wilson is right.  Planet is dead.  Was once alive, but now everything here is lifeless.  Strangely well preserved, though,” rattled off the Salarian, almost without any breaths.  

“I’m liking this less and less,” muttered Cain.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The group had walked the long titled road in silence, the red mist swirling around them.  At one point, there was a rain storm, and Vir had ordered everyone inside one of the decayed buildings they had finally reached.  Everyone had taken it differently.  Shepard and his crew looked apprehensive.  The crews of the Omen and Enterprise were looking over everything with curiosity.  Master Chief, Drake, Cain, the Valhallans, and the Apocalypse’s armsmen were fanned out, weapons raised, clearing corners and rooms as if they were expecting something to pop out of the dark any minute.  Quill and his Guardians merely looked bored.  Again.  

They had moved on further since then, into the city itself.  Huge black buildings, in varying states of decay, loomed ominously through the fog.  The scientists were all muttering to each other as the took readings, while the soldiers had all unconsciously moved into wedge formations.  Drake’s gunship whined overhead, ready to provide close air support at his request.  Some might have called it overkill and over-caution, but Drake hadn’t lived this long by not taking such measures.  

At this point, Vir was starting to get creeped out.  Everything here was… wrong, somehow.  It was like a faint childhood memory that one knew they remembered, but couldn’t actually remember.  The place was… familiar.  Sacred, somehow.  In addition, it was a decayed city with no signs of life, and no signs of what had happened to it.  

“Anyone know what might have happened here?” he whispered to the rest of the group.  Somehow, it felt wrong to raise his voice.  

“No.  Not the Borg’s style,” replied Kirk.  

“Reapers would have been more thorough,” whispered back Shepard.  

“I have no idea…” trailed off Cain.  In actuality, he had a few ideas.  None of them good.  None of them he could say, either.  

They came to a central spot, the roads all branching into what looked to be a main square.  A large building rose up in front of them, looking distinctly human in style.  

“Should we investigate?” asked Shepard.  

“Yes, and no,” replied Drake.  “I think some of us should stay here, outside, to make sure no one attacks our rear, while others go inside to investigate.”

“That makes… tactical sense,” replied Vir with a nodd.  “Alright.  Quill and Chief, along with some of the Enterprise’s crew and Valhallans, stay here.  The rest of you, follow me.”  

The building, as it turned out, was some sort of massive laboratory.  There were test tubes of strange, glowing liquid, some form of massive, incomplete mech hanging on calves, and endless rows of filing cabinets.  There were huge factory floors, complete with conveyor belts, all decayed and rusted into ignominy, and rooms filled with rows upon rows of vats of sludge.  With every passing room, the entering group got more and more apprehensive.  What the hell is this place?  What were they doing?  Vir wanted to yell.  It was all so very strange.  So very… creepy.  

This went on for some time, the invaders of this strange sanctum touching nothing, until they got to a central room.  The heavy blast doors that should have protected it were open.  Not a good sign.  In the center of the room was a pedestal, and upon the pedestal, a glowing white ball.  

“Safeties off,” hissed Drake.  “If there’s an ambush coming, now’s as good a time as any.”  Vir, Wilson, Kirk, and Shepard walked up to the ball. 

“What the hell is this?” asked Shepard warily.

“I don’t know,” replied Vir.  “Maybe… some sort of artifact?  Communication device?  No clue.”  Wilson reached out.  

“Don’t touch it!” screamed Cain and Shepard as one.  It was too late.  As soon as Wilson’s skin made contact with the glowing ball, a blast of pure white energy rang throughout the room, knocking everyone off their feet.  Soldiers flew in tangles of weapons, and scientists stumbled and knocked into walls.

Cain slid on the floor, and shook his head a moment to clear it of the force the ball had unleashed.  He looked around.  The Valhallans stood up, checking their weapons to make sure they were still working.  Shepard’s team stood up, Garrus bringing his rifle around and Samara glowing with blue energy.  Kril and the Salarian scientist stood up.  Rigaldis, leader of the Apocalypse armsmen, pushed himself to his feet.  All of the aliens were fine.  All of the Imperial humans were fine.  But the rest, the other humans…  Cain checked Shepard’s neck for a pulse.  It was there.  They were all alive, but completely unconscious.  

“What the hell was that?” asked one of the Valhallans.  

“Don’t know,” murmured Cain as he studied the unconscious humans.  With a suddenness that caused the medic checking him to recoil, Vir’s one organic eye snapped open.  It looked straight ahead, completely unseeing, and seemed to have an incandescent white glow about it.  The medic waved his hand in front of Vir.  He didn’t blink.  

“Deus…” he murmured, before falling once more into unconsciousness.  Everyone looked around uneasily.  

“What do we do?” asked one of the red shirts. 

“Don’t touch that,” Cain pointed at the white orb, “But bring them outside.  We can’t leave them here.”  

Outside was calm, or, as calm as a planet filled with roiling red fog could be.  Quill and Master Chief walked up to the group, noticing the bodies flung across many of the soldiers’ backs.  

“What the hell happened?” asked the Chief.  

“One of the scientists touched some sort of strange white orb,” replied Cain.  “It knocked them all unconscious.”

“We noticed some sort of burst of white energy,” said Quill.  “Didn’t know what it was.  Now we do, I guess,” he added with a shrug.  

“What do we do now?” asked the Chief once more.  

“It’s a strange, alien artifact, and they seem to be… possessed,” replied Cain.  He didn’t want to say it, but there was no avoiding it.  All of the unconscious humans had a white glow around their eyes.  

“Hmm,” muttered Quill.  “Possessed… I think I know someone who might be able to help us here,” he announced after a moment’s deliberation.  “I’ll send a message to him.”  

“I need to send a message too,” said Cain.  “We need to call in the experts.”

Stay tuned, because next time, the experts will arrive, and things are about to get pretty cool...

As per usual, none of these characters except Drake and his crew belong to me.  If you have any questions, comments, criticisms, requests, or concerns, please, feel free to ask!

[havenoffandoms]

“Of all things, you would have thought that the rain was innocuous enough. Turns out, nothing is innocuous in this Gods forsaken place!” geralt and reader, if your still taking requests!

Hey anon! I’m sorry this is a bit later than I would’ve hoped, but this prompt took some figuring out. In the end, I went for a witcher!reader (I kept it genderneutral, since you didn’t specify. I hope that’s okay). Not sure how it came out, but I hope you like it anyway! 

Prompt: 47. “Of all things, you would have thought that the rain was innocuous enough. Turns out, nothing is innocuous in this Gods forsaken place!”

Warnings (start after the cut): canon-typical violence, brief description of animal killing, graphic description of blood and injury, swearing, (feral) witcher!reader. Phew, this is on the angsty side. I needed to get that out of my system, clearly. 

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You don’t really know how you ended up in this place, much less how you and your companion will find a way out of here. You hear Geralt curse next to you, which only has you rolling your eyes at him. Like cursing and sulking will be any help at all. You bite back the sardonic comment sitting at the tip of your tongue, because as much as you like to think otherwise, your sarcasm won’t improve your situation either. 

You re-adjust the two swords strapped to your back and thumb your medallion the way you always do when you’re feeling jittery before a hunt. You feel the Cat-shaped pendant vibrate as you take several steps into the unknown territory you and Geralt portalled into. Your mutated green-yellowish eyes and your keen ears are alert as you take in your surroundings. The place seems deserted, but you know better than to lower your guard. In your line of work, danger is always just around the corner. 

“I told you not to step through that stupid portal,” Geralt grouses next to you. You heave a long-suffering sigh and level him with an unimpressed glare.

“For the last time, I thought it was our only way out of there,” you tell him before returning your attention to the strange environment. Everything is quiet… too quiet. “Besides, the toxic fumes were filling the room and we would’ve died of asphyxiation. You’re welcome.”

“Fuck, Y/N. Can’t you see this is a trap?” 

“Of course it’s a trap,” you snap, whirling around so you can face Geralt and glower at him, “but we’re alive, aren’t we, which we wouldn’t be if we stayed in that godsforsaken cave!”

“You don’t know that!”

“You didn’t have to follow me,” you challenge him as you step up to him until your faces are mere inches apart, “you could’ve stayed in that cave and died, for all I care! So don’t blame me for your predicament. You had a choice to make, and you made it! End of discussion.” 

You feel your anger coursing hotly through your veins, but you will yourself to calm down by taking a few controlled breaths. Now is not the time to lose yourself - you need to be alert, and ready to fight whatever monster decides to attack you first. It turns out neither of you have to wait all that long for the first ambush. You hear the growling of wolves before you see them. You and Geralt both unsheathe your silver swords at the same time, eyes riveted on the pack currently surrounding you. 

“Ready?” you ask, a feral grin spreading on your lips as you feel the anticipation rise in you with each passing second. 

“Always,” Geralt replies before stepping forward and piercing the first wolf with his sword. Instinctively, you bounce onto the ball of your feet and run in the opposite direction towards your half of the pack. Your movements are light and graceful as you bring your sword far above your head, then down with enough brute force to decapitate the first beast. Before a second wolf can jump at you, you pirouette out of the way, then slash at the wolf’s belly. A third and fourth one flank you, but you manage to roll out of the way in the nick of time. You make quick work of the remaining wolves, and when you turn around to check on Geralt, you see the other witcher panting heavily among a heap of dead wolves. Your eyes meet, but he doesn’t match your giddy grin. 

Geralt, always the soft-hearted son of a bitch. 

“Let’s go,” you urge him as you wipe the blood off your sword with the hem of your shirt, “like our instructors at Stygga said, where there’s a way in, there has to be a way out.” 

You hear Geralt grumble something unintelligible under his breath, but you decide to ignore him in favour of searching for said way out. As far as you’re concerned, he can either be part of the problem, or part of the solution. You know which side you picked. Eventually, Geralt falls into step with you, and the two of you scan your surroundings in a companionable silence. While Geralt seems unsettled and nervous, you find yourself smiling as you saunter through these strange lands. You always affectioned chaos more than order, anyway. Chaos is your element. 

You know Geralt doesn’t feel that way, but that’s why you two are the perfect match. Opposites attract, or so they say. 

After a while of walking around the place and not encountering other enemies, you’re beginning to think that whoever is in charge of this place wants to toy with you and Geralt. A mage is behind this, there’s no doubt about that, and a clever one at that. They, whoever they might be, must be observing you from afar. It’s like an elaborate game of cat and mouse. The thought makes you smile, and you thumb your medallion again. 

You always enjoyed a good mouse chase. 

Eventually, something begins to change. The world around you darkens as black clouds roll in over your heads, heavy with the promise of rain and thunder. When the first drop of water hits your skin, you feel an unfamiliar itch right where it hit you. Not thinking much about it, you poke your tongue out and catch the raindrop that hit your lips. The tangy, metallic taste of blood fills your mouth… and that’s when you see it. This is no regular rain. This is a shower of blood. 

How very dramatic!

“Of all things, you would have thought that the rain was innocuous enough,” Geralt shouts over the low rumbling of thunder, “turns out, nothing is innocuous in this Gods forsaken place!” 

“Geralt, look!” You point north, where your keen eyes caught the sight of something shimmering in the distance. “The portal! Run, we don’t have much time.” 

You sprint in that direction, confident that Geralt will be close behind you - or at least, you hope he is. You don’t look back and make a beeline for the portal in the distance. The rain falls harder, lightning hitting the ground right next to your feet. It is only thanks to your feline-like reflexes that you manage to dodge the treacherous strikes. Out of the corner of your eyes, you can see that Geralt has caught up with you and is expertly sidestepping various monsters the mage conjured out of nowhere. The portal is just within reach. You’re almost there… almost… Then you hear it. The distinct sound of something tackling Geralt to the ground. You stop dead in your tracks, your eyes darting between your freedom and the witcher you have come to care very deeply about. Your heart is racing in your chest… the choice really shouldn’t be so difficult. 

“Y/N!” you hear Geralt call out to you, “Y/N, save yourself!”

He’s giving you permission to leave him. You briefly consider doing just that, your eyes lingering on the portal. You think that if you’re fast enough, you’ll be able to make it. But a small voice inside your voice tells you that this is more than that. This is the mage toying with you both now. Why else would the portal remain open for so long? Whoever they are expect you to leave Geralt behind… and you won’t give them that satisfaction. You unsheathe your sword and fight off the beasts - nekkers, as it turns out - tackling Geralt to the ground. 

“What are you doing?” he roars, and there’s a desperate edge to his tone that you’re unfamiliar with, “Y/N, save yourself! The portal…”

You ignore Geralt’s protests as you feel your blood rage consume you. Geralt’s voice dies in his throat at the sight of you butchering the group of nekkers which a few seconds ago had been pinning Geralt to the ground. You aren’t aware of your own movements anymore, your emotions having well and truly taken over your instincts and lowered your inhibitions. Only when you’ve killed every last nekker do you hoist Geralt to his feet and pull him towards the portal once more. 

You don’t know how you made it in time - perhaps the mage took pity on you - but the next thing you know, you feel yourself fall through the portal. You feel like being dragged through space and time by a hook attached to your navel. It’s uncomfortable and painful, but over within several seconds. The air in your lungs is knocked out of you when you hit the ground with brute force. You hear the distinct snapping of bones as both you and Geralt collapse on the forest floor, followed by pained groans falling from both your mouths. 

“Fuck!” he curses breathily, “That was close.”

“Too fucking close.” You hiss as you try to push yourself up onto your knees. “Shit! There go my ribs.”

“Tell me about it. I think I broke my arm.”

“We’ll live,” you state conversationally, as if you were discussing the weather. A near hysterical laugh pushes past your lips. “Shit, Geralt. I was right. I told you if there’s a way in, there’s always a way out.”

You watch Geralt roll onto his side and sit up, face pulled in a pained frown as he cradles his broken arm to his chest. Your eyes widen at the sight of him, caked in dry blood from the torrential rain, giving Geralt a near feral look. You guess you don’t look in much better shape if the look in his amber eyes is anything to go by. You manage to crawl up to him and catch his lips in a sloppy kiss. 

“Thank you,” he whispers in a gravelly voice in between heated kisses, “for coming back for me.”

“Don’t let it get to your head,” you tell him, “you’d have done the same for me. You wolf witchers are all self-sacrificing bastards.” 

“Only for the people who deserve it,” Geralt adds as he cups your face with the hand attached to his good arm, “make of that what you will.”

You offer a kinder smile, your eyes softening as you take in the sight of your lover. You’re both alive. You both made it. Not that you ever doubted that for a second. Well… maybe for a tiny second. 

“I’ve told you before. I can be very likeable, when I’m amenable to it.” 

[mybg3notebook]

Astarion and Power - Part 2

Disclaimer Game Version: All these analyses were made up to the game version v4.1.101.4425. As long as new content is added, and as long as I have free time for that, I will try to keep updating this information.

Additional disclaimers about meta-knowledge and interpretations in (post)

The number between brackets [] represents the topic-block related to (this post), which gathers as much evidence as I could get.

Astarion: abuser / victim

Disclaimer about interpretation victim/abuser: I’m not a fan of bringing the allegory to the plain explicit comparison with serious stuff from real life, but the fandom seems to focus a lot on this aspect and therefore I would like to share my opinion on it. This topic may be sensitive for some people. Be aware of it. 

If we are going to engage into the comparison abuser/victim, from the section (Backstory: Mortal Astarion) we can assume that mortal Astarion was developed as an abuser so far the facts we got from the game/interviews. There is little doubt about it with the bits of information we have in EA. Maybe the full game or a retcon of his past may change this in the future. 

As a vampire spawn, Astarion presents a duality abuser-victim that comes from the archetype of the “bad behaved victim”. 

(Squeezing him in the shoulder. You try to connect, to let him know he's not alone- but he twists like a snake.) “No, I don't need your pity. I don't need anything from you. Go back to your wet dreams and leave me be.''

As a slave under Cazador’s power, humiliated and physically and psychologically tortured, he becomes a victim. He displays many of the most common behaviours of traumatised survivors: dismissal of the actions he suffered (humiliation and cruelty), sensitivity or violent rejection of gestures of pity, paranoia (for the abuser to appear at any moment), reiterative dreams focused on the abuser or their tortures, pride that may reach into arrogance of having survived tough situations. Considering that survival mode is his default, he can turn any of these aspects into tools to manipulate any potential benefactor (he may care little about). As long as he has a protector, he would do anything at his disposal to keep pleasant and agreeable to that benefactor (this characteristic is a permanent, constant, and obvious trait in his character).

But he is not a mere victim, he is also an abuser. And this aspect has been studied in psychology and sociology: it’s not a surprise that a good amount of abusers were victims before. There is a psychological process that can make victims prone to harness as much power as they can in order to avoid the abuse, and in doing so they become abusers. The fact that they can inflict similar or the same trauma on someone else, shifts the power imbalance they had always perceived in their life: the ex victim—now abuser—finds psychological relief. They find a way to perceive themselves as not powerless anymore, and this process can cross limits, making them enjoy when causing the same torture they suffered before. This is the (extremely brief and simplified) process known as the transformation of victim to victimiser (in a general violence-related way, not necessarily focused on sexual abuse), which tends to affect, so far the statistics show, a group of victims. 

With this brief introduction of the topic from the real life (this is why I dislike so much these comparisons, serious stuff brought into a fantasy world always feels like dismissing the real life issue) we can understand that Astarion has acquired a twisted taste to enjoy the same torments he suffered on himself, but applied on creatures he considers lesser: animals and weak creatures [3,4,6,7,11]. There is pride in his survival [14]: he follows the philosophy: “if I could survive it, you could do it too, otherwise, you must perish”.

He enjoys humiliation [6,10], despite being one of the most sensitive aspects that could trigger a violent reaction in him when Tav tries to humiliate him (dialogue about the Bedchamber Master). He enjoys the power he can have over others, over their wills [11], and aspires to have the control of the tadpole, at first to be free of Cazador’s influence, but as long as the game progresses, his intentions become clearer: he wants to control the tadpole to become powerful: the most powerful vampire of Faerun and bend everyone’s will [12]. This aspect is also ironic and hypocritical since Astarion displays violent reactions against mind control or against any intervention of his mind, so it’s something that triggers him in particular (video here).

He also has a taste to enjoy cruelty on animals [4], maybe because of all the resentment he has against them for having been the only means to sustain himself (he is directing his cruelty and hatred to the wrong group of living creatures though). And he also finds entertainment in murder and bloodshed [2,3,13], just because of it, most probably because all these abuses are proofs that he is now “more powerful” than those suffering it. However, part of this could be explained due to the Dark Desires element of the vampirism, to be fair. But considering Astarion’s backstory, I would say that vampirism only deepens his already evil traits.

Also, as a comment aside, I like to highlight how all this characterisation defies the romantisation of the archetype of the “good victim”. A good victim is—explaining it briefly and oversimplified—the one who encourages to spread goodness, self-sacrifice; their pain is hidden and/or used to improve, tends to be a highly empathetic person in front of similar abuses they suffered. It’s the antipode of the “bad behaved victim.” Which is basically all what we see in Astarion: selfish, violent, whimsical, cruel, psychopath.

In conclusion, we can see Astarion as a vampire spawn who embodies the duality of Victim-Abuser. 

However I would like to note that this is not a char where we can see how the victim becomes an abuser exclusively. In Astarion’s case, it is even more twisted because in his past he was a victimiser. His character lies on a Schrodinger duality: he was an abuser when he was mortal, he is an abuser and a victim at the same time as a vampire spawn (his torments can be understood as poetic justice since Astarion embodied the—corrupt—Justice himself), and he aspires to retake his abuser position in the future (so far EA allowed us to see it or the description of his characters in Larian’s web page), enjoying all the potential that the power of the tadpole can give him to “bend the will of others''. 

Astarion’s story represents topics that should allow us to think about how abusers are created, how they could also be victims, and how victims are not always free of evilness. Astarion also embodies the concept of how far punishment makes sense, how you can punish the abuse if there is no justice, how to punish evilness when it’s placed to have control of the Justice itself. How could we understand the punishment of evil creatures when there is no repent but a deepening of their evil nature? And finally… Would any victim not desire for their abuser to have a punishment like Astarion’s? 

I like to think that Cazador also represents the “modern prison system”, where criminals are gathered in panoptic structures (in this case, Astarion’s mind), tortured in many ways, while society expects them to recover. There is also the concept of how and when recovery is not possible anymore, because let’s be honest, saving people from dark paths is not always possible. Real life psychopath, serial rapists, and a broad amount of creatures who revel in torture and murder are beyond salvation. If we consider Cazador and Astarion as mirrored figures, it makes us think about how much of all of his story is about the eternal cycle of violence and about evilness without salvation. Also, this reflection of one on the other makes us believe that if there is no salvation for Cazador, there shouldn't be salvation for Astarion either; if Astarion can be saved… Cazador should too (after all, we don’t know anything about Cazador’s story). So many things to think about.

All these aspects and topics to think about are what make Cazador-Astarion dynamics worth understanding with a realistic and dark perspective of evilness, without woobifying Astarion as sadly a big part of his fandom does. 

As a note of colour to finish this section, it’s interesting to re-read the paragraph I had written in the first part (Astarion and Power - Part 1) where I briefly described Cazador. If we replace Cazador by the word Astarion we will obtain a curious result:

>>>Astarion has a particular pleasure for control, especially the one related to people’s will (we can see this pleasure progresses over time, increasing it. His need for freedom turns slowly into wanting to have control on everyone, because with power he can do everything he wants to). He enjoys cruelty, humiliation, and torture (read the analysis post done (here), there are dozens of facts showing it). He enjoys playing psychologically with his victims. He also likes to give false hope, making his victims believe that there is hope, removing it right in front of them (the Arabella’s approvals about making her parents believe she is alive when she is not, Mayrina’s hope of reviving her husband).

There are so many questions left in the air: has Cazador imparted Justice? Is 200 years too long for a punishment? I don’t believe there is an easy answer here. First, because we are mixing serious real-life dynamics in a fantasy setup, with the twisted componen of vampirism (a fantasy element always considered an allegory of abuse, power, and rape) and second, despite the analogy is there, and the comparison can be done lightly, Astarion has a particular backstory, with a particular amount of meta-knowledge that makes those answers even more complicated. 

Astarion’s Pain and Shallowness

Back scars scene (full Datamining info)

A pair of videos that pjenn has posted about Astarion’s scars on his back (1) (2) shows that he needs help to read it since he can’t see it in reflective surfaces due to his vampire nature. We get from the narrator: 

* He might be sneering, but you can see pain in his eyes. He needs help, but doesn’t know how to ask. *

What we can infer from this is that Astarion, whether mortal or spawn, never asked for help, and if this is true, I’m confused. If he truly doesn’t know how to ask for help… what had been happening with all the previous interactions he had with Tav? Implicitly asking for help against Cazador? The only answer I have to explain why 25 hours of game with Astarion asking for help against Cazador are suddenly erased and now “he doesn’t know how to ask to”, is that all those 25 hrs are about manipulation. Not a true, honest, clean asking for help. There is not much to say about this scene since it’s entirely under work so far. 

Mirror scene (full Datamining info)

This scene is mostly about vanity and, again, manipulation. 

He doesn't remember the colour of his eyes, and he barely remembers his face. As a vampire, he can‘t see his projection nor cast shadows. He explicitly says that he misses vanity, and even though it may be an honest loss he feels, he doesn’t miss the opportunity to use this moment as another hook to throw at Tav to keep them under his control as well as testing how deep his charm has reached Tav (If Tav shows appreciation, Astarion knows he keeps them under his thumb).

This scene basically shows that, even though evil characters/abusers also suffer (maybe the game would make us reflect eventually about Cazador’s pain?), and Astarion is stating his pain for losing things he appreciated: petty vanity (he can’t see himself in a mirror) and his memories (he has no memory of the colour of his eyes and his face is vague), he is still using all these moments to keep on working on his survival manipulation:

“(Vanity) is an indulgence, I’ll grant you that, but a weakness? A well-presented face can open a lot of doors.”

He has a personal drama, as he stated it at first, and the focus of all his conversation is always about how what he lost was a means for an end too. 

If Tav is the one engaging into being his Mirror, Astarion engages to appraise the reach of his presence in Tav. If Tav simply states it’s a decent face, Astarion will push the engagement for that appraisal. If you mock him about his age and skin, he won’t be offended (after all the moment is not meaningful for him, it’s shallow), and he would insist on a proper praise, because he is trying to taste the ground. 

The moment was meant to be used, and Astarion did it. It was not special to him:

"Mirrors are not much use, but being reflected in someone's else's eyes? I could do much worse.

If we do not derail the conversation in the funny moments where you can mock his beauty, age and skin, we keep gathering more information about what Astarion values the most:

Tav: “Is it all what you want? shallow praise?” Astarion: "Hardly, there is also gold, sex, revenge, quite the list, really. But failing any of those, I will always settle for shallow praise."

There is another option in this scene where Tav says that vanity is a reasonable price for vampire powers, but for once, Astarion is not so eager about this power, because it comes with Cazador. He knows that the price is way much bigger. 

Tav: “Vanity is a small price to pay to have vampire powers”. Astarion: "To you. To me it's just another thing that Cazador took from me".

The only moment when you can get a more emotional reaction is when you mock him about age/beauty/skin. That is how shallow this scene is. If you are a githyanki and your compliments are a list of raw facts about his persona, even if they are good or bad, Astarion can’t appraise Tav with that, and gets frustrated. 

Personally I think this scene has little value per se beyond the comedy, and even less value in terms of lore when you have Disguise spell available for so many characters. Anyone can disguise themselves as Astarion and he would finally see what he looks like… so… more reasons to show how cheap and shallow this scene is. Maybe that was the intention. Maybe it needs more work since, after all, it’s datamining info. There is not much to say about this scene since it’s entirely under work so far. 

The concept of Redemption/endings 

Among the (Datamined information) we have a set of gems under the name of Drunk bear (1) (2) (3) scenes, which speak more about Astarion and his relationship with Cazador and Power.

Tav: “You can start over. You can be better than what he made you.”

Ast: “Exactly. I can be better than him. Stronger, more powerful, more- oh, you meant “be kinder”? Pet bunnies, that sort of thing? I’ve no objection to being nice, of course. Once I have the power to bend others to my will.

T: “You think power lets you do anything free from consequences?”

A: “Well… yes. You can’t look at the world and tell me I’m wrong.”

T: “The strong have a duty to protect the weak”

A: “They’re doing a piss poor job, then. The strong had two centuries to pluck me from torture, but no one came. No, it was the mind flayers that rescued me. They gave me a gift: the strength to take my own freedom. I’m embracing this power- you should too.”

T: “You are free now. That’s what matters.”

A: “Is it? What good is freedom if I'm always watching in the shadows? No. I will be safe when I'm powerful enough to grind cazador into the dust. Powerful enough to do whatever the hell I want.”

T: “Power corrupts. You’d do well to remember that.”

A: “Oh I hope so. A little corruption sounds fun. I spent centuries as the victim of a corrupt man. It was the mind flayers that plucked me away from that.”

So far we see in this scene, Astarion reinforces his evilness, his desire for power, not just enough to save himself from Cazador’s claws, but to control other people, even though mind control is a triggering effect when it affects his own will. I believe in this interaction we see the contrast of the story that Astarion narrates mainly: the abuser who found a more powerful abuser. We shouldn’t forget he comes from a past where he was a corrupt magistrate. These words have almost a hypocrite meaning here. Astarion was a magistrate, by definition, someone who held power and should have helped those in despair, but he was corrupt and did not care. When he became a spawn, he ended up on the other side of the imbalanced power. He was the one asking for a powerful entity to help him, and none came, suffering a similar fate of despair than those who sought in him the concept of Justice and Power Used For Fairness. Like Astarion’s victims found freedom when a twisted creature like Cazador was incorporated into this situation, Astarion was free when the Mind flayers saved him from Cazador. 

I will not repeat this again: Astarion, so far in Early Access, looks like the story that could explain why Cazador is who he is. These scenes bring once more, another of the many proofs along the game where we see that Astarion has not learnt anything from his torment, he has not improved, he has turned into a more twisted and evil man than he was when he was a mortal magistrate, and there is no intentions to become a little more sympathetic. 

This brings me to think that, at least in EA, glimpses of future paths for Astarion may all be related to different degrees of evilness. 

First of all, we need to remember that Astarion is an evil character, and if we assume that what Sven said in several interviews doesn’t change, Larian is going to break the style this worked in bg1 and bg2, not making big shifting of the alignment in companions. For this reason I think these endings would entitle variations of evilness.

Astarion keeps repeating over and over his opinion about power as the only means to have access to his freedom. And as long the game evolves, he began to reinforce the importance of having power to “do whatever he wants”. Considering his tastes (how much he enjoys cruelty and bloodshed) we can agree that Astarion “doing whatever he wants” is not a good thing for Faerûn. He finds murdering a fine show, an entertainment. Certainly Astarion is a child of Bhaal in his fullest. 

He even mocks Tav when they comment about looking for self-improvement. “I can be better than him. Stronger, more powerful, more- oh, you meant “be kinder”? (...) Once I have the power to bend others to my will.” This is Cazador speaking. 

So, considering these details, I would suggest (predict is a too strong a word for this) that we have chances to three different kinds of endings and their variations:

The first one, screaming in all what Astarion does: Astarion becomes a full vampire and ends up as the next Cazador. If his approval is high (or some hidden requirement is met) he can turn his lover into another full vampire. If these requirements are not met, in a spawn, repeating the cycle that Astarion suffered but now, on Tav. 

The second one could be with Astarion killing Cazador remaining as a spawn and an agent of chaos and bloodshed. Maybe his relationship with Tav may help to have certain control on him (since we had seen that Astarion so far has been asking permission to kill npcs when the situation arises, so the MC could be turning into a master of choice.)

The third one, finding the cure of Vampirism, and letting Astarion continue with his life of evil corrupted magister. 

Some people ask about the possibility of a Redemption arc. I hardly see it (especially if I keep in mind how bg1 and bg2 worked, they never offered a “real” redemption arc, just small shifts here and there.)

Redemption could be acquired, according to these fans, using two mechanics. 

Astarion feels compassion out of the blue. He starts to have guilt for his past sins and develops empathy, despising cruelty. How? Who knows, so far in EA it has not been seen even once a hint, a scene, a bit of meta-knowledge in that direction. Honestly, so far we’ve seen, this option seems impossible to me, because Astarion has tons of chances to use the meta-knowledge of his approvals and disapprovals to show regret and empathy, and never happened. His character was always focused on himself, his vanity, his pain, his entertainment (which implies constant approval of cruel actions and torments and humiliation to others, especially the weak ones), his survival. If there is a character more far away from empathy right now in EA, it is Astarion. How do you start a redemption arc without the character showing compassion? No way.

Cure Vampirism. Vampirism is a curse, and therefore in the Forgotten Realm can be cured. But this, under no circumstances, can be considered a redemption arc. There is no redemption at all. The curse is lifted, and Astarion can return to be the same cruel magister he was before. No arc about remorse and empathy. 

His character is the story of an abuser who found a greater abuser and became a victim of the latter, seeking to return to his previous power position but stronger. Despite suffering this abuse, that could be understood as poetic justice (more like accidental justice) at certain point, he never developed empathy for those sharing his conditions. In fact, he cares little to inflict on others what he has exactly suffered. I hardly believe there is something else going on “in layers” in him at the moment, since the meta-knowledge provided by the approval/disapproval shows otherwise. My point is, I see little material here showing change. But again, this is EA.

We can see how this exact detail is managed with Shadowheart, from her we know even less than with Astarion because her memory was erased, but so far, we know she has some soft spots that were never shown explicitly, so Tav is oblivious to this information while the player knows it. 

This post was written on April 2021.  → For more Astarion: Analysis Series Index

[shijiujun]

“you know you’re singing to your headphones out loud, right” au for moshang plz sqh singing modern songs that mbj doesn't know and being hella confused 🥺

Featuring karaoke-loving Shang Qinghua who gets a bit too drunk at a Cang Qiong mountain gathering, and he goes all out. 

Or when Mobei Jun wonders why Shang Qinghua is singing about another man called Liang Shan Bo.

---

Sometimes, he thinks about his old life before he ever had the misfortune of landing in a world of his own creation, with an annoying gaming AI system of sorts hounding his every move (in the beginning) or turning up at the most inopportune times just when he thinks it’s finally gone and left him alone (more recently). 

Shang Qinghua remembers not having many friends when he was still Shang Qinghua, when ‘向天打飞机 Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky’ was still merely his writing Weibo account moniker and when he had millions of people looking up to him for his crucial contributions in writing this amazing story about his son Luo Binghe and the way he overcame all odds to become a success with a harem of gorgeous women at his feet (damn you, Peerless Cucumber bro!).

Back in those days, he lived off cup noodles and instant coffee. If he didn’t have to leave the house, Shang Qinghua would simply curl up in front of his laptop, either writing for his novel or watching shows (clears his throat) - actual shows! Chinese period dramas were his favourite, where a skilled and intelligent consort in the harem would outwit all the other women to be with her one true love, the Emperor, who falls irrevocably in love with her.

And when he got bored, he switched from the laptop to his television to engage in his second most favourite hobby - Chinese karaoke. Going out to a karaoke bar would require some level of socializing, and also a few friends so he gets more bang out of his buck from what he pays for the room, but at home? 

With advanced technology and a tiny ass microphone in either shining gold or silver, Shang Qinghua’s home entertainment system was his very own personal karaoke room, His tiny mic even had that echo-y effect on.

Shang Qinghua has a thing for classic Chinese songs - ‘The New Butterfly Dream’, ‘Liang Shan Bo and Juliet’, The Moon Represents My Heart‘ - and contemporary karaoke must-haves, like Wang Fei. For an embarrassing few days, the Chinese version of Baby Shark was a veritable earworm as well.

After transmigrating into his own story set in ancient times, where he lives without technology, Shang Qinghua would be lying if he said he didn’t miss the Internet. Laptops would be incredibly handy, and so would switches for lights, definitely indoor plumbing for toilets, and induction stoves. Phones too, that would be nice, rather than having to ‘send word’ with letters. 

Of course, there is no karaoke bar or machine for him.

Not all is bad though. At least he transmigrated to Shang Qinghua in this world as a baby, so it’s not as if he was surviving on Internet and technology one day and left to do everything manually the next day since someone was always taking care of him. Peerless Cucumber bro, of course, wasn’t as lucky, but the man has definitely taken to this world (and his son!!) like a fish to water.

And as for himself, Shang Qinghua does not need to envy Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe either, because somehow, he has gotten the man of his dreams too, even if said man was a little cruel and rude to him in the beginning.

He has the love of his life (coughs coughs) and they’re stuck in this world for the rest of his life. What more is there to want? Not to mention how his cup of instant noodles betrayed him at the last moment, resulting in his death! It is slightly safer, ironically, to be in this world instead.

All is good except... well...

===

Shen Qingqiu marvels at the sight before him, torn between wanting to step in to stop Shang Qinghua, or watch this farce unfold. 

He sometimes forgets where he, or where Shang Qinghua, who has been in this world longer than he, came from. They don’t always talk about the past when they meet, and aside from the occasional meetups, Shen Yuan is a part of him that doesn’t surface, not when he is with Luo Binghe. 

Shang Qinghua, on the other hand, grew up here, and aside from referring to Shen Qingqiu by his Weibo account name, he seems otherwise well-adjusted, no hint of modern online writer Shang Qinghua in sight. It doesn’t feel as if he misses their original world either.

This evening, however, memories of modern times slap him in the face, quite literally.

“Shizun!” Luo Binghe calls, frantic, tugging him back into his embrace out of Shang Qinghua’s way. Once Shen Qingqiu is safe in his arms, his eyes narrow at the bumbling, drunk idiot causing a scene in the dinner hall, “Shang Qinghua...”

Shang Qinghua stops where he is, and then before any one can stop him, he picks up a pair of chopsticks, brings it to his mouth, and begins bellowing his way through-

-Jay Chou’s Hair Like Snow.

“Shizun, are you alright?” Luo Binghe fusses, his hands coming up to cup Shen Qingqiu’s face when his Shizun doesn’t so much as respond to him. “Were you hurt? Did he hurt you? How’re you feeling? We’ll go back home now-”

“What is he singing?” Qi Qingqi frowns in disgust.

They all wince when Shang Qinghua attempts to hit a high note, but fails miserably.

Fuck me, Shen Qingqiu thinks, his eyes impossibly wide, who knew Airplane bro was such a karaoke fanatic?

“... maybe he is possessed by a malevolent spirit? Or perhaps this is an unidentified curse?” asks Ming Fan. 

“Or is this some new form of cultivation?” asks Ning Yingying, curious.

Yue Qingyuan, seated at the front of the dining hall, cannot help but be concerned for him as well. “Shall we call Mu-shidi to take a look at him-”

They’ve gathered for their annual meeting - a condition that Yue Qingyuan has set in place a few years ago after Luo Binghe ‘stole’ (married!) him away from Cang Qiong Peak - and although Shang Qinghua said he didn’t mind that Mobei Jun was unable to accompany him today, he spent most of the dinner drinking alcohol while in a melancholic state instead.

Who knew that Shang Qinghua was a singing drunk?!

Hence their current predicament.

At the Sect Master’s words, Shang Qinghua suddenly turns around and looks at Shen Qingqiu. HIccuping twice, he then beams, “Cucumber-”

Shen Qingqiu has never moved that fast in his life. Within a fraction of a second, he has his hand pressed over Shang Qinghua’s mouth, holding onto him from the back.

“Cucumber?” everyone choruses in confusion.

“I believe your Shang-shishu has had a little too much to drink,” Shen Qingqiu clears his throat, nodding at everyone else. “We should... send him back to Mobei. Isn’t that right, Binghe?”

His disciple, his husband, still has on an affronted, murderous look for how Shang Qinghua almost brained Shen Qingqiu with his flailing arms in his drunken fit. The moment Shen Qingqiu asks, however, his expression morphs into something so soft and full of love that everyone who sees it chokes.

“Of course,” Luo Binghe smiles, devotion apparent in his eyes. “Anything Shizun wants.”

===

The words that are tumbling out of Shang Qinghua’s mouth are entirely incomprehensible, and so are the tunes he’s humming into his ear.

Mobei Jun thought he had gotten used to Shang Qinghua’s eccentric mannerisms, and also thought he knew everything about his husband, so many years later. Shang Qinghua is mumbling Chinese alright, but none of the characters put together make any sense.

Who is Liang Shan Bo? And who the hell is Juliet?!

His mood taking a turn for the worse, Mobei Jun hoists Shang Qinghua up further on his back.

After getting so drunk, the idiot had the gall to demand for a piggy-back from the throne room to their bedroom. Mobei Jun has never once suffered such indignity in his years of living. A bridal carry? Of course, anytime. A piggy-back? As if he was some beast to be tamed? 

Well this definitely has to be a first.

While he was stewing in his thoughts, Shang Qinghua switches from that song to another one, and a stream of ‘du du du lu du lu’ emerges from his lips... AND something about... a sha yu? What the hell is that?!

Shang Qinghua lazily lifts his right hand as they approach their room, balls it into a fist and puts it to his mouth, as if he’s holding something, and whatever monstrosity Shang Qinghua is singing, his voice gets even louder.

Mobei Jun tosses Shang Qinghua off his back unceremoniously and onto the soft bed. Interrupted, Shang Qinghua blinks, his vision blurry, and is about to catch his breath and start singing again when his husband climbs in after him. Trapping Shang Qinghua with his entire weight, Mobei Jun seals his lips with a kiss.

“... My king...” Shang Qinghua murmurs in a daze, when Mobei Jun pulls back a few minutes later, his breaths coming out as short, harsh pants. “My king...”

“That’s right,” he says with a glower. “I’m your Da Wang, your husband.”

Mobei Jun doesn’t know who Liang Shan Bo is, but he’s going to make sure no other man’s name ever leaves Shang Qinghua’s lips again when they’re together.

And when his husband finally sobers up, he’s going to have a lot to answer for.

---

Songs Mentioned (YouTube Links in Comments):

The New Butterfly Dream 新鸳鸯蝴蝶梦 － A Chinese classic, sung by Huang An but done beautifully by legendary god of singing Fei Yu Qing and singing partner for the song A Yun Ga

Liang Shan Bo and Juliet 梁山伯与朱丽叶 － A Taiwanese contemporary classic of sorts by Genie Zhuo, most Chinese millennials would definitely have sang this at a karaoke once in their lives - Song is inspired by Liang Shan Bo and Zhu Ying Tai, the Chinese version of Romeo and Juliet to some extent - They both die in the end and become butterflies, so they’re also called the Butterfly Lovers.

The Moon Represents My Heart 月亮代表我的心 － ANOTHER CLASSIC CLASSIC!!!

Baby Shark (Chi. Ver) － ˆThe baby shark hype did move to China, and it’s pretty hilarious LMAO and in Chinese, shark is 鲨鱼 (sha yu) but I’m assuming that in this world, there isn’t a shark kind of animal of sorts? So Mobei Jun and everyone else except SQQ wouldn’t know what a shark is or looks like?!

Hair Like Snow 发如雪 － By Jay Chou, another classic that all Chinese millennials would have sang in a karaoke bar 

Wang Fei 王妃 － Jam Hsiao’s version is known best, and it’s pretty epic, not that anyone can reach any of the high notes in the chorus, but does that stop us from trying?!! Hell no!!!

---

Notes: My first Moshang?!! That didn’t really have a lot of Moshang time?! But thanks anon, hope this sort of works?!

[c-is-for-circinate]

I'd love to hear more of your thoughts about why P5R didn't quite land for you. I had the same reaction to it, but I've never quite been able to properly articulate why the last section fell so flat.

God okay so I've tried several times to answer this, and it seems like the answer is 'I still have way too many feelings, personally, to say this in anything less than thirty pages and fifteen hours of work', because Persona 5 the original is a game I loved a lot and care about a great deal. And most of the reasons I disliked Royal feel, in my head, like a list of ways it broke some of the things I liked best about P5--which means explaining them feels like I need to explain everything I loved about the original game, which is a book in itself, complete with referents to P3, P4, Jungian psychology, the Joseph Campbell mytharc, and fuck all even knows what. And that is too much.

But today I realized that I could instead describe it from an angle of, Persona 5 Strikers succeeds really well at doing the thing I think Royal was trying to do but failed at. And that I think I can talk about in a reasonable amount of wordspace, hopefully, behind this cut because I have at least one friend who hasn't played Royal yet.

Note for reblogs/comments: I HAVE NOT FINISHED STRIKERS YET. I got through the jail that pretended to be the final jail and have not yet gone into the obviously inevitable 'ohshit wait, you mean there's something more than simple human machinations behind all of this?' dungeon. (I got stuck on a really frustrating side quest, put the game down, and then dived into Hades to avoid throwing the Switch across the room for a while--and anyone around this blog lately knows how THAT'S been going.) Please no spoilers past Okinawa!

So, one of the many, many things I really appreciated about Persona 5 was its straightforward and unashamed attitude towards abusers and their acts of violence. Because, while yes P5 is a story about the use of power and control to make others suffer, it fundamentally isn't about those abusers themselves. It's about their victims, those that survive their crimes. And this shows up repeatedly over the course of the game.

We do not give a shit why Kamoshida wanted to beat and rape his students. We really don't. Kamoshida does not deserve our attention one moment longer than it takes to make him stop. Because, ultimately, that's the goal of P5, start to end. We don't know for sure if what we're doing is fair, if it's justice, if it's questionable. What we know is that people are being hurt, badly, actively, right now this second. What we know is that victims are suffering. What we know is that we, personally, us-the-protag and us the Phantom Thieves at large, are in danger. And in those circumstances, we don't care about the abuser's side any more. We don't. We don't have the space or time or capacity to care, because that is not the point.

The point is to help the weak. To save the people who need saving, right here and now. To give others the courage to stand up on their own behalf. We're not even out to change society, not really--that's a byproduct. We are reactions. We are triage. We are important.

There's something so empowering and validating about that as a theme, y'know? In a media landscape so full of "sympathetic villains", the idea that, you know, maybe sometimes you don't have to break yourself to show compassion that might possibly heal the bad guy--that sometimes you can just make the bad guy stop hurting people--feels both refreshing and satisfying. I really appreciate it as a message! I liked it a lot!

And yes, there's nuance to that theme, and the game is not without compassion. We save Futaba, because 'make the bad guy stop hurting people', in that case, means 'make this person stop hurting herself'. We give Sae a path forwards, help her fix her own heart. Yet it's worth pointing out that in both of those cases, while we were very glad to do those things, to save those people, we also went into both of those palaces for extremely practical reasons to begin with. We needed Futaba's help. We needed Sae's help. The fact that we chose to talk Sae into a change of heart rather than simply stealing her treasure, while ultimately a very good thing for her, was absolutely a practical choice predicated on the need for her palace to still exist to save our life. And yes, we wanted to save her, for Makoto's sake--yes, we wanted desperately to save Futaba. But Sae and Futaba let themselves be helped, too, and that doesn't change the overarching themes of the story itself.

Akechi (and to some extent Okumura) would not let himself be helped. Akechi's another interesting nuance to this theme, because of all our villains, we do learn the most about what drove him to the cruelties and crimes he's committed. He's at that intersection of victim and villain, and we want to help him, as a victim--but we also know that stopping him as a villain is more important. We'd like to save him from himself if we could, because we save people from their sources of trauma, it's what we do. We regret being unable to do so. But in the end, what matters to the story is not that Akechi refused to be saved--it's that Shido and Yaldabaoth need to be stopped, for the sakes of everyone else they're hurting now and may continue to hurt in the future.

The thing is, there's space and maybe even a need for a corollary discussion of those places where victim and villain intersect. It's an interesting, pertinent, and related topic. Strikers made an entire video game about it, a really good video game. It's centered in the idea that, yes, these people need to be stopped, and we will make stopping them our priority--but they're not going after us, and that gives us some space to sympathize. Even for Konoe, who specifically targets the Phantom Thieves--compare him to Shido, who actively destroyed the lives of both Joker and Futaba, who ordered Haru's father's death, who's the entire reason the team is still dealing with the trauma of Akechi's everything. Of course the game can be sympathetic to Konoe where it can't with Shido. There's enough distance to do that.

But right--Strikers is a separate game. It's a separate conversation. It's, "last time, we talked about that, so now let's take it one step further." And that's good writing. (It's something Persona has done before, too, also really well! Persona 3 is about terrible, occasionally-suicidal depression and grief. P4 is about how you can still be hurting and need some help and therapy even if things seem ok. Related ideas, but separate conversations that need to be separate in order to be respectful and do justice to either one. P5, as a follow-up to P4, is a conversation about how, ok, changing yourself is great and all, but sometimes the problem is other people so how do you deal with that? Again, still related! Still pertinent! Still alluded to in P4, with Adachi's whole thing--but it wasn't the time or place to base a quarter of the game around it.)

So one of Royal's biggest issues, to me, is that it tries to tack on this whole new angle for discussion onto a game that was originally about something else.

Adding Maruki's palace--adding it at the end, which by narrative laws suggests that it's the true point that everything else should be building up to--suddenly adds in about a hundred new dimensions at once. It wants us to engage with "what in this abuser/manipulator's life led him to act this way?" for basically the first time all game (we'll get to Akechi later). It wants us to engage with, "if the manipulator has a really good reason or good intentions, does that mean we should forgive them?" It requires us to reflect on, "what is the difference between control and cruelty?" It asks, "okay, but if people could be controlled into being happy, would that be okay?" (Which, based on the game so far, is actually a wild out-there hypothetical! Literally not a single thing we've seen in the game suggests that could ever happen. Even the people who think being controlled is safer and easier are miserable under it. Control that's able to lead to actual happiness is completely out of left field in the context of everything we've encountered all game so far.)

That's too much! We don't have time to unpack all that! We only have an eighth of the game left! Not to mention we are also being asked to bring back questions we put to bed much earlier in the game about the morality of our own actions, in a wholely unsatisfying way. Maruki attempts to justify his mass brainwashing because "it's the same as what you're doing", and we know it isn't, but the game didn't need Maruki calling it out in order for us to get that. We already faced that question when we started changing hearts, and again several times throughout the game, and again when we found our targets in Yaldabaoth's cells. The fact that we change hearts does not mean we think "changing hearts is fine and kind and should be done to everyone, actually." Changing hearts has been firmly established in this game as an act of violence, acceptable only because it prevents further systemic violence against innocents that we must prevent. The moral question has never once been about whether it's ok to change the hearts of the innocent, only about how far it's ethical to go against individuals who are actively hurting other people. Saying "you punched that guy to keep him from shooting a child, so punching people is good and I will save the world by punching everyone!" is confusing! and weird! and not actually at all helpful to the question of, how much violence is it acceptable to use to protect others! So presenting the question that way just falls really flat.

(And right, I love Strikers, because Strikers has time to unpack all that. Strikers can give us a main bad guy who wants to control the whole world for everybody's own good, because Strikers has earned that thematic climax. It has given us sympathetic bad guys who started out wanting to control the world to protect themselves and ended up going too far. It's given us Mariko Hyodo, who wanted to control the world to protect other people and went too far. It's given us a long-running thread about police, the desire to serve, and the abuse of power that can lead to. And since we are actively trying to care for the people whose hearts we're changing in Strikers, we can open the door to questions about using changes-of-heart and that level of control to make other people happy. We can even get a satisfying conclusion out of that discussion, because we have space to characterize the difference--Konoe thinks that changing peoples' hearts means confining them, but the Phantom Thieves think it means setting them free. We have seen enough sympathetic villains that we as an audience have had the space to figure out how we feel about that, and to understand the game's perspective of "stop them AND save them, if we can possibly do both." And that message STILL rests firmly on Persona 5's message of "it is Good to do what you have to do to stop an abuser so long as you don't catch innocent people in your crossfire.")

It's worth noting that the general problem of 'asking way too many new questions and then not answering them' also applies to how Royal treats its characters, too. P5 did have unanswered questions left at the end! The biggest one, and we all knew this, was Akechi, and what actually happened to him, and how we should feel about him, and how he felt about us. That was ripe for exploring in our bonus semester, and to Royal's credit they did in fact try to bring it up, but by god did they fuck up doing it.

Akechi's probable death in the boiler room was absolutely the biggest dangling mystery of the game. It was an off-screen apparent death of a key antagonist, so all of the narrative rules we know suggested that he might still be alive and would probably come back if the story went on for long enough. So when Royal brings him back on Christmas Eve, hey, great! Question answered. Except that the situation is immediately too good to be true, and immediately leads to another mystery, which leads to a flat suspicion that something must be wrong. We spend several hours of gameplay getting sly hints that, oooh, maybe he's not really alive after all, before it's finally confirmed by Maruki: yup, he really died, if we end the illusion we'll kill him too. Okay, at least we know now. Akechi is alive right now and he's going to be dead if we do this, and that doesn't make a ton of sense because every other undead person disappeared when the person who wished for them realized they were fake but at this point we'll take it. So we take down Maruki, and okay, Akechi really is dead! Probably! We're fairly sure! Aside from our lingering doubts!

And then we catch a glimpse of maybe-probably-could be him through the train window, and I just want to throw something, because come on.

Look, it is just a fact of storytelling: the more times you make an audience ask 'wait, is this character dead or aren't they?', the less they will care, until three or four reversals later you will be hard pressed to find anybody who gives a shit. Royal does this like four different times, and every iteration comes with even less certainty than the last. By the end, we somehow know even less than we did when we started! Did Akechi survive the boiler room to begin with and Maruki just didn't know? Or was Maruki lying to try and manipulate us further? Or was he actually dead and then his strength of will when Maruki's reality dissolved was enough to let him survive after all? Is that even actually him out the train window?

Where is he going! What is he doing! How did any of this happen! What is going on! We all had these questions about Akechi at the end of the original P5, and the kicker is that Royal pretends like it's going to answer them only to go LOL JK NO. It's frustrating and it's dissatisfying and it annoys me.

The one Akechi question that Royal doesn't even bother to ask, though, let alone leave ambiguous, is how does the protagonist feel about him? The entire emotional weight of the third semester rests on the protagonist caring about Akechi, Sumire, and Maruki. Maruki's the person we're supposed to sympathize with even as we try to stop him. Sumire's the person we're trying to save from herself. And Akechi is our bait--is, we are told, the one thing our protagonist wished for enough to actualize it in this world himself. Akechi's the final lure to accept Maruki's deal. Akechi's survival is meant to be tempting.

For firm Akechi fans, this probably worked out fine--the game wanted to insist that the protagonist cared for Akechi the same way the player did. For those of us who're a little more ambivalent, though (or for the many and valid people who hated him), this is a super sour note. Look, one of the Persona series' strengths is the way it lets players choose to put their time and emotional investment into an array of different characters, so the main story still has weight even if there's a couple you don't care about that much. It has always done this. The one exception, from P3 all the way through P4 to here and now, is Nanako Dojima, and by god she earned that distinction. I have never met a person who played Persona 4 who didn't love Nanako. Nanako is a neglected six-year-old child who is brave and strong enough to take care of herself and all of the housework but who still tries not to cry when her dad abandons her again and lights up like the sun when we spare her even the tiniest bit of time and attention. It is impossible not to care for Nanako. Goro Akechi is not Nanako.

And yet third semester Royal doesn't make sense if your protagonist doesn't feel linked to Akechi. The one question, out of all the brand new questions Royal throws out there, that it decides to answer all by itself--and it's how you as a player and your protagonist ought to feel about an extremely complex and controversial character. What the fuck, Royal. What the fuck.

In conclusion, I'll leave you with this. I played the original Persona 5 in March and April of 2017, as an American, a few months after the 2016 election and into the term of our then president. It felt painfully timely. A quick calendar google early on indicated that the game's 20XX was almost certainly 2016, and the closer our plot got to the in-game November leadup to an election destined to be dominated by a foul and charming man full of corruption and buoyed up by his own cult of personality, the more I wanted to laugh/cry. It felt timely. It felt important. It felt right.

I went through Royal (in LP form on youtube, not having a platform to play it on) in summer of 2020, with a hook full of face masks by my front door and protests about racial tension and local policing that occasionally turned into not-quite-riots close enough to hear at night if I opened the windows of my apartment. The parts of the game that I remembered felt as prescient and meaningful as ever, if not even more so. The new parts felt baffling. Every single evil in the game felt utterly, painfully real, from the opening moments of police brutality to the idea of a country led by a guy who probably would use his secret illegitimate teenage son as a magical assassin if the opportunity presented itself and he thought he could get away with it. Yaldabaoth as the cumulative despair of an entire population who just wanted somebody to take over and make things be okay--yes, yes, god, in summer of 2020? With streets full of people refusing to wear masks and streets full of people desperate for change? Of course. Of course that holy grail of safety should be enticing. Of course it should be terrifying.

And then Maruki. Maruki, who was just so far outside the scope of anything I could relate to the rest of the game or my own life. Because every single other villain in the rest of Persona is real. From the petty pandering principal to the human-trafficking mob boss. The corrupt politicians and the manmade god of cultural desire for stability. And this game was trying to tell me that the very biggest threat of all of them, the thing that was worse than the collective force of all society agreeing to let this happen because succumbing was easier than fighting back--that the very biggest threat of all was that the world could be taken over by some random nobody's misguided attempts to help?

No. Fuck no. I don't buy it. Because god, yes, I have seen the pain and damage done on a tiny and personal and very real level by the tight-fisted control of someone trying to help, it never looked like this. Not some ascended god of a bad therapist. All the threats to the world, and that's the one I'm supposed to take seriously? This one man is more of a threat than the fundamental human willingness to be controlled?

Sorry, but no. Not for me. Not in this game. Not in this real-life cyberpunk dystopian apocalypse.