#either I am the first person on earth to get that error in this specific scenario

[crowcryptid]

trying to do a ctf and got a connection error and when I looked it up the only results were 3 Chinese websites

[alexandraisyes]

If you could, what would you change in TSAMS? For example, would you add a new character or remove any of the already existing ones, make some ship canon or make two characters who are in relationship in canon to break up, make characters to be different either personality-wise or design-wise, focus on some characters more? (I want to hear you ramble about this please 🙏🙏)

The VERY FIRST THING I WOULD DO

Is put Monty in cognitive behavior therapy. And I mean that so fucking genuinely, that gator has a lot of thinking errors that make him so infuriating, and if I could get him assigned to a therapist that's NOT his girlfriend, that will actually work with him on being mindful and self-awareness and shit I would literally die happy.

My reasoning for this is that it would be so fucking unsatisfying to just "fix him". Personally, I think that would be an insult to what his character is supposed to be, and if Eclipse can get better and more empathetic and more aware of how he affects other people than so can Monty. I don't want to change his personality, I just want his character to be more aware of how big of an asshole he is and actually try to be a better guy. It 100% doesn't even need to be something in the foreground, just knowing that he's speaking to a professional about stuff would be enough.

As far as characters go, I personally don't think it's my place to suggest adding or removing characters. Mostly because I don't think it's necessary. I would push for more random lore for characters that we've met but don't know that well, especially one-off AUs that already exist in canon. We've gotten to see Gaia and Nyx again. Helios is one of the main characters now, and Kronos has been made relevant again, so they definitely remember the other dimensions. I think it would be a nice break from the heavy hard lore of the main universe, while also not being so obvious of filler content that people would throw a fit. It would be a treat for the audience to get to know more about the different canon AUs. I might prod to bring back Solar Flare, just because of the potential in his character (and yes I am biased) but even that's a coin toss because I also feel like he's served his purpose in canon.

I do think clearing up character ambiguity would be important, especially for characters like Jack where it's just so convoluted as to how we're supposed to interpret them. When the VAs say we're supposed to view a character as one thing and then portray them as another it gets really confusing for the audience. It is also really confusing for writers most of the time because they have a character that they aren't in (internal) agreement as to how they want to write them, which leads to a messy character. This is just a general statement about writers, and not specifically TSAMS.

Okay, the shipping question. I wouldn't make any ships canon or non-canon. Yes, that includes Monty/Earth. Yes, I know that I am well known for writing about ships and making AUs about ships, however, that's specifically non-canon and I know it's non-canon and I know that when I write about my silly little ships I am being delusional about characters' compatibility. It is my pride and joy to be unhinged and feral, and that would not change, but there would be a clear divide between professional work for the show and my silly fan AUs. Especially because, as I've addressed in the past, I see TSAMS as another DCA au just like all of my AUs I view as just more DCA aus, even if they are inspired by TSAMS. And considering I have multiple AUs with severely different plot lines and dynamics, I can trust that I would be able to keep them separate, and my personal work wouldn't bleed into my professional work.

Personalities? I like the characters' personalities, and I don't see a reason to change them. After all, it wouldn't make sense from a psychological perspective, which means that it doesn't make sense from a narrative perspective. I genuinely do enjoy the characterization in the show, including character flaws and things that make my skin itch. Yes, this includes Monty. As much as I say "Oh I hate Monty so much", I still really like the characterization, and I'm glad that they're willing to have such an asshole of a character. Moral ambiguity is extremely realistic, and like I've said before, I think Monty meets a lot of the requirements for narcissism or even narcopathy. Which is, again, extremely realistic. People with the kind of moral ambiguity like Monty, who are just as frustrating as Monty, are real. And they exist. And they are infuriating. But because they seem to want to portray Monty as a "good guy" I want him to do the therapy thing as earlier mentioned.

Design-wise, it's no secret that I'm an artist. There are a few designs that are just genuinely eye-sores, but I currently don't have that great of blender skills so I cannot pass judgement in that area when I literally cannot do better ajdsf;lgjafsdl. I can draw up designs, I can do 2D models and sheets and shit, but I'm currently useless when it comes to VRChat models. I want to learn, but that's such a process that I'm trying to find motivation for and I don't even know where I would start. which is part of the issue because it makes it seem even more impossible.

[leajdh]

Gold rush

Chapter two: She bruises, coughs, she splutters pistol shots, hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks

He was just a few more steps away from becoming a living legend. Already praised by the media as the honored one, he made a grave mistake which not only put his Ice Hockey career on hold, it disappointed even his most loyal fans so much so that his reputation sank to an all-time low.

Then he meets you; a retired figure skating champion who is now trying to find her purpose in life after her triumphs, all while still being loved and cherished by the media and public likewise.

Satoru Gojo sees his chance to not only get back unto the rink, but also to regain his former popularity.

But he soon realizes it will be a lot harder to get on your good side, because he's everything you despise combined into one person.

Will you give him a second chance and allow him to redeem himself, or is this going to be the match for your life time?

Gojo Satoru x reader (first person narrator)

Ice Hockey AU

FAKE DATING TROPE

Enemies to lovers

English isn't my first language, so expect some grammar errors

18+!!

LINK TO ALL CHAPTERS:

The music stops before repeating the same song over and over again.  

I’ve been on the rink the entire morning, waiting for Masamichi to arrive, but he’s not here and I can’t find him at the resort either. I told him over text message I need to talk to him, urgently, before he has his meeting with Satorus crew. He just texted me an emoji of a man skiing back. 

Great, when he’s skiing I can never predict when he will be here and I need to show him the pictures beforehand. I don’t want to open this pandora's box in front of Satorus manager and whoever is also on his crew. I just want to show the pictures to Masamichi and have him handle the situation. Maybe he would politely decline their request and they would search for another rink to train. I’m not petty enough to ruin Satorus entire career by ratting him out to his crew. Even though he deserves it and I want to see him lose his cool when he realizes whatever happened yesterday between us was just the tip of the iceberg. 

But I tend to let emotions get the best of me, and yesterday while eating my cold burger I kept staring at Satorus autograph and thought to myself I already won against him. I don’t need a rematch. Especially one I knew I had already won. 

Masamichi will handle it the mature way and if he decides to snitch on him, then so it will be. 

I’ve finished the same skating routine for another time and another one and so on until I can't remember how often I’ve restarted the same program. The music stops as I want to get up from my final pose to start again from the center of the rink. But I get distracted by clapping from the tribune. 

I would recognize the sound of this specific applause everywhere.  

“Romeo and Juliet, mhm. Didn’t know you are a pair skater now”, my former coach Mei Mei shouts over to me, pressing the pause button on my phone to stop the music. My vision is blurry but I would spot her figure out of millions. She was the one I always focused on during competition. My sight had always searched for her approval.

“And I didn’t know hell allowed its citizens to visit earth”, I just shouted back in response, realizing how out of breath I am. My body aches for a pause, my knees want to give up, but not in front of her. Never. 

“Romeo and Juliet is for pairs”, she simply says back. Mei Mei is a person of few words and barely laughs. She likes to get her point across without a lot of chit-chat.

“I disagree.”

“Of course you do. You don’t need another person to sell a love story. Still as presumptuous as ever.”

"Presumptuous, yes, but did it work? Did you buy into my love story?” 

I grin at her.

“Did you make this choreo on your own?”, she asks instead.

“Yes, so no need to get jealous.”

“It’s good, it’s different. With a few changes here and there, we could..”, I don’t let her finish her sentences. I know where this is going and I’m not in the mood for a discussion with her.

“I did it for funsies, not for competition.”

“You still land all your jumps, such a waste of talent.”

“What are you even doing here? Don’t tell me you missed me”, I laugh holding onto my knees for support. I overdid it. Fuck, my muscles are about to give up. Just relax, I tell myself and in a few seconds I will have the power to quickly skate out of the rink to sit down. 

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m here for someone else���', her harshness doesn’t hurt me. I’m used to it and I know for a fact that she actually really cares about me. Hard shell, soft core. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself for years.

“Oh, what kind of masochist decides to hire you”, I snicker, gaining my vision back. 

“Will you be quiet? You must have forgotten but I made a winner out of you. ”

“And here I am thinking it was my lifelong dedication paired with my blood, my sweat and my tears.”

“Four years later and you’re still a snotty, little brat.”

“Add talented and I agree”, I hear giggling and it’s not from Mei Mei. I look around and see three people at the entrance arch. They are too far away for me to notice details, but I distinguish a woman with a plain black skirt and long brown hair. A man with likewise long hair but darker, and him. 

Satoru Gojo.

His white hair I would recognize everywhere. It seems like the other guy was the one who laughed because the woman is sucking on a cigarette, even though it isn’t allowed to smoke in here, and Satoru stares at me with a stone cold face. 

Shit, I’ve hoped to never see him again, particular after what happened the night before. Memories from yesterday creep up on me. I feel heat rushing to my ear and places I don’t want to talk about. 

“My new client is here”, Mei Mei says in the direction of Satoru.

You gotta be kidding me.

“Hockey, really? Didn’t you say it’s for brutal losers with two left legs?”, I exclaim, watching them walk down the stairs. Mei Mei is a former ice skater but as she herself said, she wasn’t talented enough. So she decided to coach and she is amazing at it. She knows bones and muscles more than any doctor. She can see from a mile away when someone steps on the ground the wrong way or when the legs hit a wrong angle after a jump. No doubt in my mind that she is capable enough to train a wounded hockey player back onto the ice. 

“Yes, but money is money, right?” 

She is always saying what’s on her mind. Unapologetic. Some clients would find this utterly rude, but they don’t seem to care. 

I need to get off the ice and away as fast as possible, but my legs are still shaking. I’m afraid I will fall when I try to skate off. This situation couldn’t get any worse.

So I just follow them down the stairs with my eyes, focused on Satoru, who stares right back at me. No smile, no goofy expression, nothing. It’s like he’s ready to go into the rink for a fight. I’m so focused on him that I first take a look at the other guy as he says: “Hey”, adding my name casually: “Long time no see.”

I just look at him and can’t sort out his face. 

“I can’t even be mad at you for not..”, he continues but I screech in a high-pitched voice: “Suguru.”

Right at this moment my left knee gives in and I fall on my side. Gladly I’m used to falling so I know how to save myself to avoid greater damage. Still I fall on my hip and only manage to save my head from hitting the ground by using my elbow to keep my upper body steady. I hit a nerve and it shots right through my limps. I want to scream but it is already embarrassing enough to fall like that, especially after saying a guy's name, so I suffer within. 

“I’m fine!”, I say immediately. It hurts, but I’m fine. Maybe it will bruise but I’ve had worse. The only problem is, I can’t get up. The muscles in my left lower thigh start to constrict, making it impossible for me to even get back on my legs. My ass is therefore glued to the ice. I shift my weight to at least get my legs off the cold ground. Of course I’ve decided not to wear tights today, a foolish mistake.

“You forgot to eat your banana!”, I hear Mei Mei scream. I can’t remember the last time I ate a banana, but whenever my muscles were exhausted, Mei Mei would tell me to eat more bananas. “I will get you”, I hear Suguru say. I’m glad he’s the one offering me help, yet I still tell him I’m good, I don’t need any help. 

Suguru Geto. 

He was the captain of the university ice hockey team, which used to train on this rink before Yaga cut the contract a year after Suguru had graduated and moved to play for the Boston Bruins. He was a heartthrob and probably still is. I can further remember all these college girls giggling on the tribune as they were watching him train. My initial thought was, he would be an arrogant ass, like most hockey players. 

But Suguru was different. He was nice to everyone. He laughed at every joke his teammates told him, he greeted everyone who walked past him and he listened and was actually interested in every conversation he had with fans. 

We saw each other while he was on the rink, because even when the rink was occupied, I spent my entire day in the hall. Usually I was reading and occasionally looked over to him. It seemed like ice hockey was created for him. With such an ease he ruled the rink and demolished his opponents. But most importantly he had truly fun, something I rarely had on the ice. For me skating was all about winning and keeping my mind occupied. I trained so hard that my brain couldn’t hold a thought for longer than a second. Everything was about skating. Nothing else was invited in my mind. 

I was jealous of him in a weird way.  

He was allowed to sometimes come over when the rink was closed to skate, because my mother liked him. She didn’t hold animosity against ice hockey players, unlike me. One time she said Suguru reminds her of my father and I laughed at her. My mother had her delusional moments. There is nothing good about my father. 

There is so much good about Suguru. 

Suguru and I often sat at the same bench but never really talked and I think he was glad we didn’t. Whenever I saw him with his team, he was surrounded by people who wanted something from him, so he must have enjoyed the silence we shared. It’s not like I wanted to talk with him anyway. I didn’t have time for friends, much less for boys. But we greeted each other and sometimes he told me how impressive my jump was and I showed him my support by giving him a silent thumbs up when he looked at me after hitting a goal. 

I only found out about him playing for the Boston Bruins, because he sent me a card after I won at my first Olympics. Reading how he forced his entire team to watch me and how happy he was when I won. He added his condolences for my mothers death, saying he first heard about it through a presenter who mentioned it on TV before my performance, so he’s sorry for not contacting me earlier. In the envelope were two tickets for one of his games in Boston. He wrote that he knew about my distaste against ice hockey, but a little city trip never hurt nobody. He even wrote I’m allowed to read or look at my phone, on condition that I shoot him a thumbs up when he’s making a point. He didn’t leave a phone number or address, so I couldn’t contact him. I’m not sure if I would’ve even done that. After the Olympics I didn’t have free-time. I was giving interviews for magazines, doing photoshoots and had TV appearances. So I never went to his game. 

Eight years have passed since then. Occasionally I was thinking about him, but we never shared a deep bond to begin with and for him to not leave anything to contact him felt like a sign that he was just trying to be nice. Nice how he would be to everyone who lost their mother and later won at the Olympics. I would have felt like a fool for trying to contact him after all these years.  

As Suguru wants to step on the ice, Satoru holds him back and slithers past him, saying he will get me. 

Oh no, I force myself to get up while the woman, who is with them, just says: “Gojo, if you hurt yourself going on ice without skates, don’t expect me to treat your wounds afterwards.” 

But it didn’t seem to bother him being on ice without skates. He slides towards me like it’s the easiest thing ever. For him it probably is. He must have insane upper body strength and don’t get me started on the legs. I mean I’ve seen the pictures, not only before I went into the pub. I googled him again at home while Hime was telling me about her day, mentioning how Satoru and his crew rented the entire third floor and how upset the cook got once she gave him Satorus meal plan with all the extra wishes. 

Before he has the chance to reach me, I’m on my legs again. It’s killing me, but it’s better than getting help from him. He still extends his hand towards me. 

“No really, I’m good”, I say and want to skate past him towards the rink exit where Mei Mei is waiting for me with open arms, but he grabs my arm and throws me over his shoulder like I weigh nothing. Before I even register what I’m doing, I kick my legs, but he holds them in place, whispering to me: “Leaving me out in the cold is one thing, but now you’re trying to kill me.”  

I instantly stop moving.

I forgot I had my skates on. Hitting him at the right angle, they would cut through him like butter. 

“I’m sorry, did I strike you?”, I ask, totally forgetting whose shoulder I’m on. He has his arm wrapped around my upper thighs. His hand is laying precariously close to my ass, while his other arm blocked my kicks. 

“No, I’m fine, princess.”

Just now I’m realizing that he isn’t taking me to the exit where the others are waiting. He’s going across to the other exit. 

“Don’t call me that and you’re going the wrong way!”

“Yesterday you didn’t mind me calling you princess, and huh? Not wearing tights with such a short skirt. Don’t tell me you did that for me.”

“Dream on”, I buzz back to him with a lowered voice: “Now let me go, I can skate by myself.”

“No, we need to talk”, he rustles and pinches me right below my ass. I’m hitting him against his lower back but it doesn't bother him. 

We arrive at the other exit while the others look confused at us from the other side. Great, I don’t want to know what they are thinking. 

He lowers me down and finally lets go of his grip he had on me. I open my skates as fast as I possibly can, not looking up to him.

“As much as I enjoy you kneeling in front of me, we need to talk.”

I get up with my skates in my hands and turn around to leave. There is no need to talk. By now his pea-sized brain must have figured out that I’m playing a part in his whole contract with the usage of the rink. 

But it’s too late.

He fucked up by drinking. 

He broke the contract before it was even completely finalized.   

No need for me to hear his excuses. 

As I’m walking away from him, he doesn’t hinder me. Instead I hear a sound which makes my blood freeze inside my veins.

‘Who’s your daddy, Zenin?’

Followed by me whimpering his name.

My heart sinks as I jump up, turning to him. Satoru hasn’t moved a bit as he holds his phone out for me to see a video. 

“Do I have your attention now?”

I can’t believe it. How didn’t I notice him filming? 

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

This is not good. 

Not good? It’s a fucking disaster!

“Delete it”, is all I mutter once the clip is over. The clip itself is dark, you can barely identify me. But him saying my fucking last name and me being dumb enough to play right into his cards by answering. Fuck. 

Did he plan this from the beginning? 

No, it can’t be. 

He’s just a pervert, who does stuff like that. His obsessive talking about taking pictures of me while fucking him with a Rangers shirt on should have been an indicator from the start. 

“You know I can’t”, he answers.

“Why not?”

“The pictures.”

“Which pictures?”

Pathetic comeback for me, but I’m startled. I can’t lose this evidence. Surely I could ask Masamichi to just believe me or tell him to call Frank. He’s a witness, but I’m not even certain if he would listen to me. He would probably tell me to stop with my animosity against Satoru.

“Oh don’t you dare act stupid”, he puts his phone back into the pockets of his grey training pants: “Suguru has warned me about your dislike towards ice hockey players. Don’t get me wrong, I understand it. But I would’ve never guessed how far you would go.”

“What do you mean, warned?”, I cough.

“Did you really think I didn’t know who you were right from the beginning?”, I look at him, my heart beating a thousand miles per hour in my chest: “I know so much about you, you have no idea.”

I start to lose balance again, holding myself up at the edges of the rink. Partly because of my still exhausted legs, but more so because I feel the panic rise inside of me. I want to puke, knock myself out, just so I can wake up far away from him in a hospital bed and act like none of this is happening right now. 

“Sit”, he points to a bench: “This will take a while.”

I obey and take a seat. There is no way for me to get away. To get out of this situation. If I can live through this nightmare, I can do anything. 

At least for now he’s keeping distance, leaning against the wall in front of me. I’m glad no one seems to come over to bother us. Before I could ask myself why they are leaving us alone, I rant: “I didn’t give me any permission to film me! Do you have any idea how badly this could affect my life?”

“And do you have any idea how these pictures could affect my life?”

“It’s your own fault! You took these pictures, you did it yourself! If I were your average fan, these pictures would be online already!”, I scream at him, holding back tears. 

“Yes, and it was fucking stupid of me. I was reckless.”

“So your own recklessness gives you the permission to film me? Why did you do it? Is this a sick kind of game to get back at my father, something to laugh about with your team?”

He walks over to me, seating himself next to me at the bench, stretching his left leg out. Not looking at me.

“It has nothing to do with your dad and no one will ever see this video, if you keep the pictures to yourself and let me skate here.”

I feel sick. 

“Are you blackmailing me?”, I ask with a shaky voice. 

“No, I’m just matching your energy. You started this foul game, I’m just keeping up.”, he’s still not looking at me, now both his legs are stretched wide open. Relaxation in person. He never seems to lose his cool.

“I don’t understand.”

“I already told you not to act stupid. You made it your mission right from the moment you saw me at the pub to ruin my life and I was dumb enough to not notice it until I saw how you looked at the pictures. Smiling like I walked right into your trap. I realized I’m fucked if I don’t have a quick backup plan.”

We really played each other, but I underestimated him tremendously. He’s right. I thought he is a dumb ice hockey player, who is an easy opponent. I would’ve never guessed that he saw right through me.  

I breathe heavily and try to calm my nerves. I don’t know what to do. Or what to say. I’m on the horns of a dilemma. But I need to solve this quickly. And for this I need to know exactly what his plan is.

“What will you do if I show Yaga the pictures?”

“I will leak the video.”

I bite my teeth: “Then I will show them to your NHL team.”

“No you won’t do any of that and I will tell you exactly why.”

He stretches his arms over his head like he has no care in the world. It makes my blood boil by how calm he seems. He knows he has me in the palm of his hand. I acted the same way as I locked him out of my car. I was so certain that I had the upper hand, that I didn’t realize his real scheme. It wasn’t to fuck me, it was to counterplay my strategy. 

“You’re a world-class figure skating champion without any dirty laundry. You didn’t even say one bad word about your shithead dad to the press”, he gets up and situates himself between my legs. Going on his knees to be on one level with me, while his large hands rest on my thighs. I do nothing against it. I just hold his sight and wait for him to continue.

“You’re still to this day America's sweetheart. Not a chance in the world you would risk your perfect reputation over not sharing your rink with an ice hockey player.”

“And you’re naive if you think I did this because you’re an ice hockey player.”, is the only thing I spit back at him, because he’s right about me. He read me like an open book, even with alcohol intake. He’s not a dumb player who only has parties and sex in mind. He’s a fucking psychopath.  

“So why did you do it?”, he asks, genuinely curious while he rests his chin on my knee. He looks at me like this is all fun and games to him. Like he has already won. 1:0 for me, my ass. This is not a rematch, it’s halftime and I just realized that I scored an own goal. 

“Why can’t you just get another rink?”, I ask instead, while ignoring his question and holding back tears. I can’t win this. He’s so fucking right. I would do everything to keep my reputation high. Thinking more about it, certainly a video like this would make massive waves. I think of all the different outcomes. In today's climate Satorus career would be over. No, let me correct that. Over something like leaking a suggestive video, his career wouldn’t be over. He’s a hot, rich man, who’s loved by many people. He would come out of this with a tap on his fingers. Only the pictures I have could ruin his career. But if he goes down, he will drag me with him. Clearly I would get sympathy from some sides, but still make the headlines. And even when people tell you, they didn’t look at it, they did. It’s the age of the internet. Once something is out there, it will be there forever and haunt you like a poltergeist. The fear has gripped me that this short, dirty talk video would overshadow all my accomplishments. 

I start to cry. 

“There is no time for me to find a new one before the season begins”, he noticed me crying and let out an annoyed sigh: “I’m sorry for doing this to you, princess. But my career means everything to me. You surely understand this better than anyone else.”

Yes I do, and this is the reason why I’m sitting here and declaring defeat. He can have my rink alongside with my dignity. Wait, he already has the last one. 

“I hope you fall and break your neck on my rink”, I say and kick him against his chest, but he has a strong grip on my thighs, not letting go of me as he smiles: “So we have a deal, great! How about we start over”, he exclaims and lets go of my thighs, leaving his handprints on them. I brush over my thighs, trying my hardest to get them away. My action doesn’t seem to bother Satoru as he takes something out of his pocket. 

His phone and mine.

He must have grabbed it before entering the rink. He could have easily just destroyed it. There was no need for him to ever mention the video he has of us. It was nothing more than another game of his. A power trip. To show off that he played me. To show off that he tricked me.   

To show off that he conquered me.

I want to strangle him.

He unlocks his phone while holding mine in front of my face to activate the face-ID. Whatever his plan is, I know I have to accept it. I have never felt this kind of defeat before. I have never felt powerless over a situation. I have never lost. 

Then he hands me his phone and keeps mine.

“Delete the video. And I will delete the photos.”

“How do I know you don’t have a backup?”

“I don’t use the cloud because this thing gets way too easily hacked.”

“You could have it saved to another device or send it to someone.”

“Jeez, how leery. Not sure why I deserve this.”

I just stare at him, unamused while I feel the weight of his phone in my hand. 

“Okay, you can look through all my messages and ask Suguru, I don’t have another device with me.” 

“And how do you know I don’t have a backup?”

“Oh, come on, princess, don’t be silly now. You were way too sure about all this to think that something could go wrong.”

I lower my glance and work my way through his phone without saying a word to him. In a fucked up way I trust him that he has no backup. But I still look through his recent messages on all his social media platforms. There are a lot of chats. Mostly I’m interested in his groupchat with the Rangers team. It’s a bunch of nonsense they ramble about. Asking Satoru about the resort and all kinds of stuff about Hockey. I’m surprised that he didn’t mention meeting me. So he really kept it to himself. Even though there was a conversation going on a few days ago that caught my attention, mainly because I see my name added into it.

Gavel: I still think it's a foolish idea for Gojo to train at the Yaga rink. Can’t trust a Zenin.

Slenderman: There’s a NDA.

Gavel: NDAs always have a loophole. Send it to me, I will find one.

Slenderman has sent a file

Atsuya: I agree with Hiromi, it’s idiotic. Aren’t there other ones?

1: We already discussed that. We requested over a dozen. Yaga is the only one that meets our criterias. No more debate. The situation is bad enough already.

Satoru: Jeez, thanks.

1: you know how I meant it..

Scarface: I also think it’s a dumb idea.

Satoru: Since when do you care?

Scarface has sent a photo (it’s a screenshot of my name in google picture search)

Scarface: notice a pattern?

Satoru: ???

Scarface has sent a photo (it’s a screenshot of Satoru Gojo girls in google picture search)

Scarface: pattern

Satoru: ???

Space bun: He means she’s your type.

Satoru: So?

Scarface: You’re there to train, not to get your dick wet.

Nanamin: I don’t want to be part of this discussion.

Nanamin has left the chat

Ino has added Nanamin 

Gavel: I looked over it, I will send a better version to you, @ slenderman

Slenderman: Thank you, but our attorneys approved this one.

Gavel: They’re idiots then.

Slenderman: @ scarface Thank you for your concern, but our team at Idaho will make sure that Gojo focuses only on his training. 

Satoru: Can’t promise that.

1: …

Scarface: I knew it! Can’t blame you, she’s fuckin’ hot. I would tap that too.

Nanamin has left the chat

Space Bun: Gross dude, don’t you have a girlfriend?

Ino has added Nanamin

Scarface: So? Doesn’t mean I can’t dream

Scarface: and cream.

Nanamin has left the chat

1: I’m just one more comment away from informing coach Gakukanji about this @ scarface

Scarface:  Pls don’t tell daddy, I’m scared. 

1: …

Scarface: Jokes aside, I’m just thinking about the team. If he’s not focusing on getting back on track, we’re fuck, so you better give Q-tip a warning.

Ino has added Nanamin

1: See you in 10, Satoru.

Satoru: Jeez, I was just joking.

1: in 10.

Satoru: okay mom

Gambler: Did someone see my Jersey?

“Gross”, I mutter, not sure what to make out of that. It’s true, he has a type, but I see his type more as models. I don’t notice a huge resemblance with me. But people from the outside see things differently, maybe scarface is right, but that still doesn’t help me on my path of trying to understand what Satoru actually wants from me. A quick fuck? A challenge? My fathers attention? Whatever his intentions are, they are not noble.

“What? Found my nudes?”, he smirks up to me, still sitting between my thighs. 

“What, no!”

“Right, you wouldn’t say gross if you saw them.”, he grins and is skipping through my phone as well. I don’t really mind, because I have nothing of his interest to hide. 

After I checked his most recent chats and made sure his phone is in no connection with another, all while trying not to lurk too much into his privacy, but as I went ahead to his galery to delete the video, I noticed a handful of photos of Satoru with a kid. 

“You have a kid?”, I ask without thinking if I’ve crossed a line by wanting to know something so private, especially for athletes like him. A lot of famous people keep partners or kids behind closed curtains, away from the public eye.

But Satoru just glares at his phone for a second and says: “No, it’s Fushiguros.”

“And who’s Fushiguro?”

He blinks at me, knitting his eyebrows in disbelief.

“You really have no clue about Ice Hockey. Toji Fushiguro, he’s my teammate.”

“Cute kid.”

He blinks at me again, before going straight back to whatever he’s doing on my phone. 

“Yeah he’s a cutie, unlike his dad.”

I don’t question his stance, even though I’m asking myself who Fushiguro is from all the weird nicknames he gave his teammates and go right into his video folder where I instantly find the video and delete it. 

“And you have a cat?”, he questions showing me a picture from my photo gallery. I look at the picture and explain: “Yes, his name is Todo. He’s actually the rink cat, maybe you will see him.”

Three winters ago I found Todo as a kitten under a stack of firewood. As I was about to grab some, I heard his meow and instantly brought him inside. Even as a kitten he was big, but now he’s a huge monster of a cat, who eats like an actual monster as well. I spend more money on his food than on my own. But he’s a lovely black tabby, easily makes friends and loves belly rubs when he’s comfortable with someone. He usually lives in the rink hall because it’s more spacious than my cabin. I sometimes take him with me overnight, but often I can’t find him before I leave. I will definitely get him a friend, but the rescue center in my town doesn’t have a right candidate at the moment. 

“Cute”, he smirks, still looking at the picture of Todo and me.

“Yes, he really is.”

“No, I meant you.”

I make a fake puking sound and declare: “Hope you’re deadly allergic to cats.”

He just laughs deeply into his stomach and I avoid his eyes to focus back on his phone in my hands.

Just to make sure I go ahead into the data bin and permanently scrap the video off. This has never existed. So it never happened. 

I want to hand him his phone back but he’s still fixated on mine. 

“What are you doing?”

“Looking through your google searches.”

“Give me my phone!”, I try to snatch it out of his hand but he grabs both my wrists with his unoccupied one and keeps scrolling with the other. Trying to free myself, he just pulls me closer, pressing his shoulder against my stomach. I have his hair under my nose and I hate to say it, I actually curse myself for thinking this, but he smells so good. Whatever magical spell he has on my brain to even just think that, needs to be shattered. I should not find him attractive, but of course fate has sent me an adonis over to make my mortal enemy.

“Over a dozen searches with my name. Are you in love or something? Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you.”

“Shut up and give it back”, I screech, pulling even more. I tend to forget that he’s a fucking rock.

“Satoru Gojo DUI, Satoru Gojo crash, Satoru Gojo jail. Really?”

“Gosh, let me go”, I say and try again to rip my hands out of his grip. I rather say ‘Gosh’ because if I just utter the word ‘God’ in his presence, he will make it about himself. 

“I take it back. Whoever Michael Byford is, he must be living rent-free in your head. Michael Byford wedding, Michael Byford wife. Shit, princess, you’re in love with a married man?”, but then I can see on his face as he reads more of the searches. The same ones I used when I looked Satoru up. DUI, crash, jail, murder….

He���s confused and distracted which allows me to get my hands free and snatch my phone back.

“Who is he?”, he asks instantly, staring me down, but I don’t meet his gaze. 

“Did you delete the pictures?”, I ask instead, wanting nothing more than to go away.

He simply nods.

So it’s over. No need for me to stay here with him any longer. I push one of my legs past his chest to get up and brush past him. However he’s fast and grabs my shoulder, before I even have the chance to fully get up. He’s asking again who he is. 

Michael Byford; the man who took my mother from this earth, from me. Normally you would think that Satoru should have heard his name if he really does know everything about me. Yet his name is pretty much never written in articles about my mothers death. Most articles about my mothers passing paint her death as an accident, some even say she was in a car and hit another one. I never talked about it or clarified anything, because it happened right before the Olympics and my PR team told me to focus on my performances. Masamichi did everything in his power to handle the situation, but apparently Michael Byford had someone mighty on his side, who had good connections with the press and a whole lot of money. His name and face were erased from most articles and lies were fabricated even though he was convicted. Whoever cares to know how my mother dies, will read about a tragic accident. Only if you dig deeper, you will find words like drunk driver or at best Michael B..

After all these years I never had the strength to talk about it publicly. People thought I handled it so well. I mean I won gold. I should have been devastated and should have resigned from the Olympic team, but skating was the only thing keeping me from collapsing. I didn’t let my brain think for one second. I pushed my body beyond its limits to kill every thought in my mind. And after the Olympics everyone seemed to forget about her death. All I heard about was my victory, which sent me straight into a pile of interviews, photoshoots, campaigns and TV appearances. Once this died down, I wanted to tackle the processing for her death. I wanted to come clear with myself and start to accept it, but Mei Mei has brought up that I need to focus on Nationals and requalify for the Olympics and at that time I chose the easier way, which was to simply not think about her death. Now nearly a decade later I still haven’t engaged in the healing process. I’m only angry and bitter. Angry at Michael Byford and whoever helped him discredit his actions. Bitter with myself for never addressing it. For keeping quiet about her death. For letting him get away with it.

But it’s too late. I missed the train to untangle it. 

Being in the public eye is heaven and hell so to speak. I would open a barrel with no idea how deep it gets. 

People could find me brave for finally speaking about it, for bringing attention to the injustice the press did to my mothers case. I could give speeches about it and maybe help others who went through the same loss. But who am I to do this? I’m not even over it myself. Can you actually get over a situation like it? God, they would praise me as a hero, yet I’m spiteful and my mind is filled with cruel imaginations. 

On the other side the deeper the barrel, the closer it is to hell. And hell would be to come across as needy, fame hungry. Like why is she talking about it now? It’s nearly a decade ago, why didn’t she speak up earlier? Is she using her mothers death to get relevant again? Is the money getting tight and she needs a sob story to sell to the media? Like who is she anyway?

I heard this kind of stuff all before. There is not a year when there isn’t someone going through this exact event with the media and you can never predict the outcome. 

And I hate not being in control. 

But whatever route it would take, one thing's for sure. It would ruin Michael Byfords life. And as much as I crave his downfall, all I saw when I was looking him up online was his little daughter. I would not only ruin her father's life, I would ruin hers as well. I would not be better than Michael. There would be no way for them to be ever truly happy again after I drag them through the mud of the media. Muscle to muscle and toe to toe, her father took my mother from me so I would take her father from her. 

Call me a vicious or vile person for my foul play with Satoru, but I’m not a monster. I would never be able to forgive me for ruining an innocent person's life. I wouldn’t be better than a drunk driver who takes the life of an innocent bypasser. 

“Stop bothering me, you’ve won. Be happy and leave me alone”, I press myself up, still insanely weak on my legs, but I manage it. He stands up with me, all while his hand is still fixed on my shoulder. He’s really testing my body on how easily I bruise. The big one on my hip won’t be the only mark I’m getting today.  

“Who is he?”, he asks again, stubborn as a mule, maybe more like a tank.

“Thought you know everything about me”, I hiss provocatively, now meeting his gaze. If I had an iron rod, I would go full Tonya Harding on him. 

“I’m not letting you go until you tell me”, his grip on my shoulder tightens even more. Yes, this one will definitely become a bruise. 

Why does he want to know? To send me more through hell? To keep me longer in this nightmare of his presence? To find more pieces for his twisted game he’s been playing with me?

“Just let me go”, before he has the chance to loosen his grip, Mei Mei appears, closely followed by Suguru and the unknown woman.

“What is going on?”, Suguru says, looking between Satoru and me, who has by now let go of me. I stand there awkwardly. They came at the worst timing.

“Get over here, now”, Mei Mei wails through pressed teeth at me. I obey and reach for her as she grabs my underarm and pulls me instantly closer. 

First I thought she’s mad at me for some reason, but then I saw her eyes flicker at Satoru. She’s ready to kill him. 

“Are you good?”, she asks me calmly, taking my face in between her palms and observing my face. I’m definitely red in my face from all the crying earlier, so I spin a lie around it. I don’t want to turn this into a big deal. I don’t want them to know why I cried, what all this is about. I simply don’t want to talk anymore. However, since when do I get what I want? So I talk.

“I’m fine, it’s just my leg. Must have torn a muscle or something. You know what a crybaby I can be.”

She doesn’t believe me, mainly because I’m not a crybaby at all. At least not when it comes to physical injuries. She winds her arms around my shoulders to steady me, but more so to give me a strange hug. Like she used to do when I was waiting for the jury to announce my points at a competition and my nerves were making me shake like a tiny tree in a storm. She’s not good with physical comfort. Who am I lying to, she’s not good with comfort in any form. For example the time when I told her about the Devils talent scout, who came into the rink and I panicked, she simply said that he’s just a random man and since when am I crying over an ordinary man. She didn’t understand my concerns or simply didn’t care enough. All along Mei Mei used to find my deep rooted fear for my absent father absurd. Maybe because my mother never spoke bad about him and watched his games on TV with full support like he didn’t completely ghosted us. She was so in love with him. And I will never know nor understand why. For me, he’s as dead as my mother. 

“I will not ask again, Satoru. What are you doing here?”, Suguru is mad, or worried, or both. I can’t tell the difference. Satoru doesn’t say anything. This circumstance isn’t ideal for him. Whatever lie he has in mind, I could easily debunk it and everyone would believe me. 

But I’m tired and sick of this. I want to go home and cuddle up on the couch while Hime brings me some food and tells me everything is going to be fine. 

“Nothing really. He -”, a fast lie, a good and quick one.

“He had to bring me through this exit because he couldn’t turn around without falling too.”

To my surprise Satoru grins at me like the devil himself and call me a fucking psychopath, but my heart instantly skips and screams for a rematch. He has won the first game against all odds, but this was not the real one. It was just a tryout. 

The pictures and the video are gone and so is everything that led up to this moment. Everything that has happened between us, is our secret. I know I could ruin him right now, throw allegations at him and accuse him of anything that comes to my mind. He would be out of my rink in an instance. It would be an easy match for me to win. But I don’t want to play a foul tryout anymore. I will find a way to get him into a dilemma. Into the lion's den with no way out. Complete defeat, so no rematch can save him.

A spiel between true legends. Two legends that don’t underestimate each other. All cards open, baby. Fuck, I can’t wait to see what kind of tricks my opponent has up his sleeve. 

But first I need to resolve this. Neither Mei Mei nor Suguru seem to fully believe me. Granted, it was a bad lie. As if Satoru won’t be able to turn us around. 

Yet, I don’t truly know how severely injured his leg is. Maybe all the training won’t be enough to get him back into the team. Truly pitiful, I can’t hide my snicker after this thought.

They wait for Satoru to say something, but he is as always the least stressed person in the room, so I continue for us: “He just grabbed me to get me back on the bench to favor my leg. But everyone would have tried to run away, because apparently he can’t be quiet for one second. Kept talking my ears off!”

I try to bring lightness into the stiffen atmosphere and it seems to work. Sugurus' shoulders start to relax and a small smile appears on his lips. Mei Meis' hold around me also loosens, but she still seems weary of Satoru.

“We haven’t had the chance for an introduction. I’m Ieiri Shoko, Satorus physician for the time he’s here. If you don’t mind I can have a look at your leg. Making sure everything is fine.”

She is stunning, absolutely gorgeous. An Angel.

Why is she working for a dick like Satoru? 

Probably the same reason why Suguru and Mei Mei are here.

Money.

I introduce myself, but shake my head: “I have these kinds of injuries all the time, no biggie. I just need to lay down for a second and I’m fine again. But thank you and if it isn’t better tomorrow, I will gladly accept your offer.”

I beam at her and she smiles back. 

“So between you both everything is fine?”, Mei Mei asks and before Satoru has the chance to say something, I intervene: “Absolutely. He was even so nice to promise me his help with the beginner skating course for kids. Miguel injured his back a few days ago and I’m actually his substitute but you know me, I’m not good with kids screaming, crying and falling all over themselves on the ice. So it was truly such a relief when Satoru offered to overtake the course until Miguel is fit again.”

Maybe this is a bit of a foul game, but I will allow it for my amusement and to save me some nerves.

“What, Satoru, you know you don’t have time for that”, Suguru expresses confusion.

“Didn’t you hear, I promised it to her”, he genuinely smiles at me while I try to not get red. I would have expected a lot of different reactions, but not this one. He’s really helping me out. 

But why?

“Could be good, easy exercise for him. Training small kids and preventing them from falling requires a lot of strength, fast instincts and speed with steadiness. All while keeping calm”, Mei Mei explains, looking at Suguru. 

“I don’t know if this is a good idea. No one is supposed to know you’re here. This goes against everything we arrange in the NDA”, Ieiri steps in and gives Suguru an alarmed look.

“Not to burst your bubble, but have you seen him? He looks like a giant Q-Tip, good luck keeping his stay a secret”, I utter, referring to how scarface called him in the chatlog. 

Everyone huffs amused at my comment, even Satoru. I look at him and he’s watching me from under his long lashes. I feel like I’m going to faint. A man like him doesn’t deserve to be so beautiful. The world is truly unfair.

“We can discuss that later with our lawyers. And if they decline, I can step in”, Suguru chimes in and smiles at me.

“No, you don’t h-”, I stumble over my words before he cuts me off and states: “I will find a solution.”

He really hasn’t changed since the last time I saw him. He’s still calm and kind. An empathic good soul. I hate myself for dragging him into this. Of course he would sacrifice himself on Satorus and my behalf. Training kids is a fucking pain in the ass. At least for me, but Suguru wouldn’t probably mind. He’s the kind of person who's naturally good with kids. With everyone. 

He’s the type of man mothers brag about to their friends and fathers love to actually hang out with. He’s the kind of person when he’s with somebody other women envy them and other men are intimidated by his presence. He’s the type of man who genuinely cares and always picks the right side. 

He hasn’t changed at all, really. He just got taller, more muscular and his hair is a bit longer, but he’s still a heartthrob. Not in the way Satoru is. Suguru is the perfect portrait of a classic man, a timeless handsome face. Some would argue he has a mysterious manner. Like a fallen angel, damned to stick around flawed humans. 

Satoru seems so opposite of him. White hair versus black hair. Light eyes versus dark eyes. Devil grins versus angel smiles. 

But they are both so majestic in an indescribable way even though they are huge Ice Hockey Players with hard facial features and even harder muscles. And wasn’t the Devil an Angel before God threw him out?

What am I even thinking? 

I should have stopped my train of thoughts after Suguru being a heartthrob and not bring Satoru into this calculus as well.

“Anyway, I should really head out now. It was nice meeting all of you. I will come back later to sign all the NDA stuff, don’t worry!”, I announced and released myself out of Mei Meis hug, walking inside the corridor. 

But I quickly halt, turn around and drop a curtsey while staring daring at Satoru: “And before I forget it, welcome to the Yaga rink.”

He holds my gaze and grins: “And thank you for having me.”

Asshole, as if I had the chance to decline. 

But soon enough I will wipe that arrogant smirk right off his face.

[rp-partnerfinder]

↜ ♫ come and get your love... ♫ ↝

maybe it's the summer or whatever but HECK do I have the hankering for reviving my Gamora and Nebula (of Marvel's MCU / Guardians of the Galaxy) muses. I know this is a niche ask but you can't fault a guy for trying, soooo;

✦ sup, I'm a 30+ trans dude and yee local homosexual from Europe, looking to write one on one with peeps on discord. I like creating a private server for me and my partner where we can write and store all the good stuff like music, refs, art, memes, all of that in multiple channels. it's not required to befriend me to write with me, but I do gladly befriend my writing partners! I write in third person, past tense, and usually reply at least once a day, sometimes quicker, sometimes slower. you know how it is; life, in the way, etc. I strive to be communicative and let you know should I get busy. I typically write 2+ paragraphs and can go up to the dozens if given the opportunity, sometimes I simply Cannot Shut Up, but it is never required that you write a whole ass novel just because I insist on doing so. I do require proper grammar, though, although I'm obviously gonna forgive the occasional error, because who doesn't make those? I'm not a native English speaker either!

suuuuuuper open and hype for multiple threads, crossovers, AUs, even multifandom + tupperbot and dice maiden. I love slow burn as much as love at first sight, angst and fluff, hurt and comfort and occasional smut, mostly just everything in a nice balance. I'm not interested in toxic ships; I like my ships to suffer, sure, but not because they're actively terrible for each other for idk steamy reasons I guess. I like them to struggle but come out the other side together and stronger, beat their obstacles and have love conquer all.

I've got almost 20 years of writing experience on this Earth and come equipped with writing samples. pls be at least 21+ if you contact this local trans peepaw 👴🏻 ✦

so what am I looking for?

for this specific hankering - romance, M x F, CC x CC and post-GOTG3 primarily. ships in particular include such as;

your ★ Adam Warlock, Peter Quill, Thor or Loki against my ✦ Gamora.

your ★ Adam Warlock, James Rhodes or Kraglin Obfonteri against my ✦ Nebula;

and... others, honestly. Wolverine, T'Challa, Shang-Chi, Clint? I'm open to it. I'm a huge fan of rareships and gladly draw my own fanart to sustain them, so, y'know - if you got a fella you wanna with My Gals, feel free to come at me! trust and believe I have so many ideas for tossing both Gam and Nebs at people!

still interested after this massive info dump??? great! drop a like and I'll come find you!!! 🖤

.

[canonrpfinder]

↜ ♫ come and get your love... ♫ ↝

maybe it's the summer or whatever but HECK do I have the hankering for reviving my Gamora and Nebula (of Marvel's MCU / Guardians of the Galaxy) muses. I know this is a niche ask but you can't fault a guy for trying, soooo;

✦ sup, I'm a 30+ trans dude and yee local homosexual from Europe, looking to write one on one with peeps on discord. I like creating a private server for me and my partner where we can write and store all the good stuff like music, refs, art, memes, all of that in multiple channels. it's not required to befriend me to write with me, but I do gladly befriend my writing partners! I write in third person, past tense, and usually reply at least once a day, sometimes quicker, sometimes slower. you know how it is; life, in the way, etc. I strive to be communicative and let you know should I get busy. I typically write 2+ paragraphs and can go up to the dozens if given the opportunity, sometimes I simply Cannot Shut Up, but it is never required that you write a whole ass novel just because I insist on doing so. I do require proper grammar, though, although I'm obviously gonna forgive the occasional error, because who doesn't make those? I'm not a native English speaker either!

suuuuuuper open and hype for multiple threads, crossovers, AUs, even multifandom + tupperbot and dice maiden. I love slow burn as much as love at first sight, angst and fluff, hurt and comfort and occasional smut, mostly just everything in a nice balance. I'm not interested in toxic ships; I like my ships to suffer, sure, but not because they're actively terrible for each other for idk steamy reasons I guess. I like them to struggle but come out the other side together and stronger, beat their obstacles and have love conquer all.

I've got almost 20 years of writing experience on this Earth and come equipped with writing samples. pls be at least 21+ if you contact this local trans peepaw 👴🏻 ✦

so what am I looking for?

for this specific hankering - romance, M x F, CC x CC and post-GOTG3 primarily. ships in particular include such as;

your ★ Adam Warlock, Peter Quill, Thor or Loki against my ✦ Gamora.

your ★ Adam Warlock, James Rhodes or Kraglin Obfonteri against my ✦ Nebula;

and... others, honestly. Wolverine, T'Challa, Shang-Chi, Clint? I'm open to it. I'm a huge fan of rareships and gladly draw my own fanart to sustain them, so, y'know - if you got a fella you wanna with My Gals, feel free to come at me! trust and believe I have so many ideas for tossing both Gam and Nebs at people!

still interested after this massive info dump??? great! drop a like and I'll come find you!!! 🖤

✒️

[findroleplay]

↜ ♫ come and get your love... ♫ ↝

maybe it's the summer or whatever but HECK do I have the hankering for reviving my Gamora and Nebula (of Marvel's MCU / Guardians of the Galaxy) muses. I know this is a niche ask but you can't fault a guy for trying, soooo;

✦ sup, I'm a 30+ trans dude and yee local homosexual from Europe, looking to write one on one with peeps on discord. I like creating a private server for me and my partner where we can write and store all the good stuff like music, refs, art, memes, all of that in multiple channels. it's not required to befriend me to write with me, but I do gladly befriend my writing partners! I write in third person, past tense, and usually reply at least once a day, sometimes quicker, sometimes slower. you know how it is; life, in the way, etc. I strive to be communicative and let you know should I get busy. I typically write 2+ paragraphs and can go up to the dozens if given the opportunity, sometimes I simply Cannot Shut Up, but it is never required that you write a whole ass novel just because I insist on doing so. I do require proper grammar, though, although I'm obviously gonna forgive the occasional error, because who doesn't make those? I'm not a native English speaker either!

suuuuuuper open and hype for multiple threads, crossovers, AUs, even multifandom + tupperbot and dice maiden. I love slow burn as much as love at first sight, angst and fluff, hurt and comfort and occasional smut, mostly just everything in a nice balance. I'm not interested in toxic ships; I like my ships to suffer, sure, but not because they're actively terrible for each other for idk steamy reasons I guess. I like them to struggle but come out the other side together and stronger, beat their obstacles and have love conquer all.

I've got almost 20 years of writing experience on this Earth and come equipped with writing samples. pls be at least 21+ if you contact this local trans peepaw 👴🏻 ✦

so what am I looking for?

for this specific hankering - romance, M x F, CC x CC and post-GOTG3 primarily. ships in particular include such as;

your ★ Adam Warlock, Peter Quill, Thor or Loki against my ✦ Gamora.

your ★ Adam Warlock, James Rhodes or Kraglin Obfonteri against my ✦ Nebula;

and... others, honestly. Wolverine, T'Challa, Shang-Chi, Clint? I'm open to it. I'm a huge fan of rareships and gladly draw my own fanart to sustain them, so, y'know - if you got a fella you wanna with My Gals, feel free to come at me! trust and believe I have so many ideas for tossing both Gam and Nebs at people!

still interested after this massive info dump??? great! drop a like and I'll come find you!!! 🖤

-

[yo-aroleplayfinder]

↜ ♫ come and get your love... ♫ ↝

maybe it's the summer or whatever but HECK do I have the hankering for reviving my Gamora and Nebula (of Marvel's MCU / Guardians of the Galaxy) muses. I know this is a niche ask but you can't fault a guy for trying, soooo;

✦ sup, I'm a 30+ trans dude and yee local homosexual from Europe, looking to write one on one with peeps on discord. I like creating a private server for me and my partner where we can write and store all the good stuff like music, refs, art, memes, all of that in multiple channels. it's not required to befriend me to write with me, but I do gladly befriend my writing partners! I write in third person, past tense, and usually reply at least once a day, sometimes quicker, sometimes slower. you know how it is; life, in the way, etc. I strive to be communicative and let you know should I get busy. I typically write 2+ paragraphs and can go up to the dozens if given the opportunity, sometimes I simply Cannot Shut Up, but it is never required that you write a whole ass novel just because I insist on doing so. I do require proper grammar, though, although I'm obviously gonna forgive the occasional error, because who doesn't make those? I'm not a native English speaker either!

suuuuuuper open and hype for multiple threads, crossovers, AUs, even multifandom + tupperbot and dice maiden. I love slow burn as much as love at first sight, angst and fluff, hurt and comfort and occasional smut, mostly just everything in a nice balance. I'm not interested in toxic ships; I like my ships to suffer, sure, but not because they're actively terrible for each other for idk steamy reasons I guess. I like them to struggle but come out the other side together and stronger, beat their obstacles and have love conquer all.

I've got almost 20 years of writing experience on this Earth and come equipped with writing samples. pls be at least 21+ if you contact this local trans peepaw 👴🏻 ✦

so what am I looking for?

for this specific hankering - romance, M x F, CC x CC and post-GOTG3 primarily. ships in particular include such as;

your ★ Adam Warlock, Peter Quill, Thor or Loki against my ✦ Gamora.

your ★ Adam Warlock, James Rhodes or Kraglin Obfonteri against my ✦ Nebula;

and... others, honestly. Wolverine, T'Challa, Shang-Chi, Clint? I'm open to it. I'm a huge fan of rareships and gladly draw my own fanart to sustain them, so, y'know - if you got a fella you wanna with My Gals, feel free to come at me! trust and believe I have so many ideas for tossing both Gam and Nebs at people!

still interested after this massive info dump??? great! drop a like and I'll come find you!!! 🖤

YO YO YO LIKE THA POST N ANON WILL REACH OUT!!!!!!!!!!!

[cherriesink]

Takeuchi - Murmurs

Murmurs are snippets of character reflection earned by increasing Explore Points during Exploration. They usually include 6-7 monologues about other characters and 3-4 monologues about things important to the specific character.

These lines are taken straight from the English translation of the game, so fair warning of bad grammar.

About Yatsufusa “According to my statistics, older vampires tend to rank above C-Class... Presumably, D-Class and under end up dying. 

But it’s a shame with Yatsufusa. Because he is a C-Class that has all the potentials to fight in a battle. Yet, he cannot demonstrate that in a different way than Kurusu can’t. 

It seems he occasionally uses the umbrella I gave him... He’ll end up hurting himself if he carelessly swings a sword since he has never trained for it. And he will break it if he uses it with all his strength. I can’t let a civilian hold a sword anyway. So, an umbrella was the best solution.

...Oh! I have an exciting idea that improves his umbrella. Haha, this will help him even if he’s not a good fighter...”

About Kurusu “Kurusu is very intriguing. He is the strongest vampire in Japan! How is he different from other vampires?! Unfortunately, current science does not allow me to analyze blood at a micro-level... In that case, I must invent a machine that can. I’d love to improve Kurusu’s abilities from an A-Class to S-Class and above through my inventions. 

If Colonel Maeda who is a human can defeat unranked vampires, then that means dynamic visions can be improved through training. This then leads me to the question- do I use a drug or machinery to improve his speed and muscle strength...

But Kurusu must improve his speed of judgement more than anything. That, I cannot help him no matter how great I am. It probably comes from his kindness. But, oh well. I’ll let Colonel Maeda deal with that.”

About Maeda “Colonel Maeda is certainly an intelligent person. A true rationalist and finds the best course of action in an instant- because how else can someone decide to amputate their right arm after being bitten by a vampire before the poison enters their system? The surgery went well because he was in luck with a series of events. His wound was a clean-cut, he was able to stop the bleeding, and the fact that Code Zero has plenty of blood supplies for us vampires...

I’d say he was still lucky to survive despite having an aftereffect due to hemorrhage of the heart. I must say he is an astounding human being since his combat skills are still the same where he is capable of beating vampires to death with his prosthetic arm.

Ah- that reminds me that he asked me to fix his arm. What next functions should I add next?”

About Yamagami “Yamagami is the best to experiment on. I wonder what will happen... if I can make him strong enough so he can fight with my inventions? Alas, the greatest assassin will be born! We vampires cannot detect ones that rank below us- they appear like an ordinary person to us.

Yamagami on the other hand is capable of detecting every vampire out there since he is unranked. Which makes him the best candidate to become an assassin sneaking up on vampires from behind! I must conduct every experiment on Yamagami then! It will become a revolution for us vampires if the experiment succeeds.

However, there is just one problem... Yamagami’s personality is not ideal to become an assassin...”

About Suwa “We did not have any vampires that specialized in combat at the time when Code Zero was established. That is why we induced Suwa into our team. I knew the moment I heard the rumor about a vampires that hunts other vampires that he will join our unit.

One of the reasons was that I heard he was alive even before the Edo period... He must be clever if he managed to survive hundreds of years since it is not easy for vampires to survive such a long period.

Secondly, we carry the same goal if he enjoys hunting vampires, whatever his reasons may be. Back then, vampires in the Imperial Capital shivered when hearing “Vampire Hunter.” It’s very promising if that “Vampire Hunter” joins Code Zero.

His body was of a child’s, so his arms were too short for Japanese swords. That is why I made him two daggers.”

About Defrott “I wonder if Defrott will allow me to study his blood... We don’t have any blood samples of S-Class vampires nor any data yet. But he’s not the type that goes with “Please” and “Thank you.” After all, I do not want to die either.

...All I want is to conduct my research peacefully. No need to panic or rush. It’ll become available someday. I can get close to the birth of vampires- if I can learn about S-Class vampires. When, why, and how did we derive...? The only thing we know is that the oldest vampires on the recond spoke ancient Greek... Were they the first? Or did vampires exist long before that, but the records got lost...

It is a mystery how humanity began, but it is even a bigger mystery how vampires started. Was it a strain that occurred during the evolution process. Or mutation... Some call it evil or the devil’s doing. However, I do not believe in unscientific things.”

About Tenman-ya “Come to think of it, our relationship with Tenman-ya has been going on for quite a long time. Considering Colonel Maeda’s personality, there is no way he will miss a vampire’s nest like them...

But perhaps they’re untouched because of the amount of information they’ve accumulated about vampires since the Edo period and the fact that they’ve been confining vampires that are in the Imperial Capital. 

As far as I’m concerned, it’s a give-and-take relationship since they refer me to wholesales to sell my drugs I invented. The vampires referred through Tenman-ya are all clean and diligent. Some practice Western medicine like me so it helps. 

It appears vampires fight all year round when just looking at Code Zero, but the one that avoid battle are the ones that live long. Tenman-ya supports those vampires.”

About the Experiments “There are three ways to kill a vampire. One, have them fight a vampire that outdo them. Very primitive method. Two, make them powerless through science. What we are currently doing. Three, obtain strength that overthrows higher rank vampires through science. This- is our homework.

Creating heavy firearms is easy, but we are dealing with swift subjects... Even unranked vampires may be described as “...at lightning speed” to an ordinary person. 

Thus, I am working on a drug that improves our physical ability... I mixed some into Yamagami’s food the other day, and the results were quite surprising. It was as if he got drunk. I thought I developed a drug that makes the world seem slow, but Yamagami said “The world is spinning! You blockhead!”

My work is trial and error. Well, I do have plenty of time.”

About the Past “I never would’ve imagined that I would end up being a serviceman when I was just an ordinary human being working at a pharmaceutical company. It all happened when the military authorities asked me to research a certain blood sample. I accidentally exposed it to sunlight without knowing that it was vampire blood. The flask exploded from the boiling blood...

Luckily, I did not die from the poison and gained a brain that never degenerates. It was pure coincidence, but I was lucky indeed. I can come close to the secrets of this world with an eternally young brain. 

I don’t mind not being able to walk under the sun. I was in the lab day and night in the first place. Not feeling time or seasonal changes aren’t important to me. I don’t care much about food either. 

Research is my life! I am the happiest vampire on Earth!”

About the Side Job “Code Zero hardly has any budget for R&D... But we aren’t a special unit that simply gathers vampires for combat. Weak, domestic ones can benefit from my drugs and put up a decent fight with the ones ranking above them. I believe- that is the purpose of our unit.

Colonel Maeda couldn’t care less about the name of the unit. So I named it “Zero��- implying “Starting everything from zero.”

Either way, you need money to experiment. That is why I sell my inventions beneficial to humans to department stores and medical institutions made in the process of my vampire studies. The profit I make all goes to my research. Every purchase helps us foster future vampires.”

[armandyke]

The link between diet and autism: a critical analysis of the recent Earth Locker episode and a chance for River to relive her lab report title writing days

Link to the original video

So as I already mentioned I’ve seen a few people talking about the recent episode of the Earth Locker (a podcast by Robert Sheehan, Tom Hopper, and Bryon Knight) where they talk with Tom and his wife Laura about their experiences raising their autistic son. I watched the whole episode and while there were a lot of good points made, there was also some misinformation, statements that were poorly explained and could be misinterpreted, and a couple of pretty harmful ideas put across which I’m gonna go into below. 

Disclaimer one: I’m gonna be saying a lot of stuff that I’m not going to be posting sources for. This is because everything I’m saying comes from my experiences as an autistic person, my experiences working as a support worker for adults with autism where I am currently a key worker for two autistic individuals, my work related training on autism, mental health, and diet & nutrition, and my knowledge from my psychology degree in which I also spent a lot of time studying biology and physiology. This is all just stuff that I know, and at some point I might try to add some sources but I’m writing this fresh off watching and making notes on this video so my energy is already running a little low and I’d rather focus on getting my points across instead of having to take time to source every piece of information. 

Disclaimer two: The purpose of this post isn’t to attack or defend any of the people involved in the podcast. This is also in no way a criticism of Tom and Laura’s parenting. This is purely a criticism of the discussion that took place on the podcast, not on any of the choices they’ve made for their son.

Disclaimer three: I’m going to be using the phrase “challenging behaviour” a lot while I’m explaining things as this is the term used in most modern research and is what we use at work. This basically describes any behaviour that causes harm to the individual or to other people around them, or behaviour that is detrimental to the individual’s wellbeing. 

So the main thing I want to go into with this is the misinformation and misinterpretation of information that was central to the discussion in this podcast, and that was around the connection between diet and autism. Most of the things Tom and Laura said about the effects of diet weren’t incorrect, but it wasn’t explained accurately and missed out on some key points so let’s go: 

In terms of whether diet can “cause” autism: no it can’t. There’s absolutely no evidence to suggest it does. It also can’t “worsen” autism because autism isn’t something that can get “worse” or “better”. A person with autism can develop and learn new skills and they can also regress (and diet can influence this, which I’ll go into further on), but an autistic person at a lower stage of development does not have “worse” autism than a person at a higher stage of development. 

Poor diet can have an impact on autistic people in the same way as with neurotypical people. If we eat junk, we tend to feel like junk as a result, and when we feel like junk it can be harder to concentrate and carry out our usual day to day tasks. However, autistic people are also significantly more likely to suffer from digestive problems and food intolerances, and so for a lot of autistic people (or parents of autistic children) diet may be something that requires close attention. So saying that an autistic individual’s challenging behaviour could be a result of their diet isn’t necessarily untrue, but it does massively oversimplify the issue. The challenging behaviour is more likely a response to pain or discomfort, (as well as frustration if they are unable to communicate this), which is caused by a diet unsuitable for this specific individual, which is caused by an intolerance or digestive problem, which they were at greater risk of developing due to their autism. It’s worth mentioning that medical professionals still don’t know why this comorbidity exists. 

So, referring back to Tom and Laura’s experience with their son, they were explaining that their son’s challenging behaviour spiked while he was on a high-sugar diet. Laura also added that he had been suffering from increasingly frequent infections in his ears and throat while eating these foods, which makes sense because high blood sugar levels can weaken the immune system and make us more susceptible to infections. They then explained that these infections stopped following a tonsillectomy and a change to a sugar-free diet, which then also lead to a complete reduction in their son’s challenging behaviours. Again, implying that the reduction in behaviours is a result of cutting out the sugar is oversimplifying. It’s most likely that their son’s challenging behaviours were a response to the pain the infections were causing, which may or may not have been linked to his sugar intake. Either way, autistic people are all individuals and so while a reduction in sugar intake has benefited their son, by no means does that mean that all autistic people should be following a low-sugar diet or that this would be beneficial for them. 

This isn’t entirely on topic but there are two other things I want to address in terms of what Tom and Laura said while talking about their son, the first being when talking about their initial approach to their children's’ diet before they were aware that their son was autistic. Laura essentially said that she wanted their children to be able to try different foods and that the focus would be on education about health and diet rather than cutting “unhealthy” foods out of their diets completely, which I thought was a great way to approach things. However she then added that, had they known about their son’s autism at the time, they may have approached things differently, which I was confused about. I think (and hope) she was just trying to say that if they had known upfront that sugar particularly seemed to be detrimental to their son, they would have reduced that straight away rather than having to use a process of trial and error which makes sense, but just the way it was phrased set off alarm bells because it sounded like she was implying that they would have controlled his diet more strictly if they had known he was autistic. Hopefully this isn’t the case because autistic people don’t need to have their choices limited if there is no detriment to their health or wellbeing. 

Another thing I was confused about, and I’m not sure if this was supposed to be more of a weird analogy rather than factual information, was when Tom started talking about “sensory glands” when talking about their son’s hypersensitivity to sounds. I think his exact words were something along the line of saying that the high sugar levels were causing his “sensory glands” to “swell” which was heightening his sensitivity. And like... unless I missed something there is no such thing as a sensory gland and they certainly don’t swell up when we’re over stimulated or when we have a lot of sugar. Sugar triggers high dopamine responses in our brains which then leads to cravings and can cause spikes and crashes in mood, and it can also cause inflammation, all of which can cause discomfort and in turn could lead to an increase in sensitivity, but as far as I know sugar doesn’t have a direct effect on our senses. 

Now on to the elephant in the room and the two big, glaring no-no's in this podcast, both of which were said by Tom (these are not direct quotes because I didn’t get a chance to jot them down in time so I’m paraphrasing slightly):

“we cannot ignore the correlation between rising autism rates and the increase in fast food consumption” (spoiler alert: yes we can)

“I really want to get to the cause of autism and see if there’s something that can be done to prevent it”

So, first of all, autism isn’t something that needs to be prevented. Autistic people are not a detriment to society. We don’t have an illness, we just experience the world differently and, in some cases, require additional support to live our lives as fully as possible. Obviously it can’t be ruled out that fast food, or anything else, has a part to play in rising rates, but there is absolutely no evidence to suggest that it does and correlation absolutely does not equal causation. Gay representation in the media has also been steadily rising with rates of autism diagnosis. Does this mean that seeing gay people on TV makes people autistic? No. As Laura briefly mentioned, it is far more likely that the rising rates are actually due to an increase in understanding about autism and the accessibility of diagnosis, especially when you consider how many people are still slipping under the radar even with all the knowledge we have today.

I appreciate that most of this podcast is just a conversation between friends about various topics, but when the goal of this podcast is to “raise awareness”, and with the shared platform the people involved have, casual statements like these are incredibly dangerous. With the general implication that if everyone lived a healthy, clean, and organic lifestyle, we could reduce the number of autistic people in our society, this not only puts the “blame” on parents of autistic people, and on the individuals themselves, but is also dipping into eugenics territory. And while I don’t think the intentions behind either statement were malicious, they were incredibly ignorant, and the fact that they went completely unchallenged was concerning and made me pretty uncomfortable. 

There were still a lot of positives in the podcast. I’m really glad Laura was also involved because she definitely came across as being the most educated on the subject of the four of them and did make a point of bringing up issues with diagnosis (particularly among girls with autism), her and Tom’s privilege in terms of being able to work with doctor’s to find out as much as possible about their son’s dietary needs and to then provide him with a tailored diet, and also addressing the issues with “high functioning vs low functioning” when Rob asked about the “severity” of their son’s autism. However there was still an undeniable amount of inaccurate or poorly presented information, as well as some things that were just plain incorrect and offensive. I appreciate that a lot of this was coming from personal experience rather than being generalised information, but I think this could have been communicated a lot more clearly and effectively considering the intention was to spread awareness, and the episode would have massively benefitted from the input of an autistic adult. Rob specifically had a lot of questions about autism in general and I think they would have been much better answered by somebody with autism, rather than a parent giving an outside perspective of their child’s experiences. It’s always a little uncomfortable to watch four neurotypical people discuss autism, regardless of how positive their intentions are, and I don’t think it would have been a great challenge for them to find an autistic person who would have been willing to talk about the topic with them. 

[annaraebananawriter]

Somewhere Only We Know

Yellow everyone! I am finally back after a while with another Oneshot. Sorry it took me a bit. School has been rough, as you can tell. This is one that I thought of quite randomly and worked on for a few weeks. It involves a couple characters i have not written for before, which is always exciting.

Also, before you start reading, two things to note: first, is that the some I’m using is Somewhere Only We Know by Keane, but I specifically imagined it with a cover of the song by Lilly Allen, which you can find here! 

And second, is that @maggicsorceress has a oneshot with the same song and even the same pairing, or at least the first one listed. Of course, it is far better than this one is, but that’s simply because I don’t have the poetic skills they do. Their oneshot is beautiful, and you can find it here. I really recommend you read it after this one.

Besides that, happy reading!

Fandom: Undertale, but specifically Aftertale, Errortale and Reapertale

Characters: Error, Geno (Who belong to CQ) and Reaper (Who belongs to Ren)

Pairings: AfterDeath and DestructiveDeath

Warnings: Language, I think that’s it. Let me know.

Word Count: 4218

~oOo~

I walked across an empty land

~oOo~

As the god of death, Reaper was often alone.

He could touch no mortal because they would die at his touch, making him or his brother reap them. This has been a fact of his life from a very young age, only a few centuries old. He wasn’t to talk to mortals, never come into contact with them. They were beneath him. They didn’t deserve to see such an important figure like himself. 

He still remembered the first time a mortal died by his touch. He had been hysterical. He didn’t know that it was normal for him, that it was going to be his curse to bear. At the time, he had thought he had done something wrong. Like any other kid who made a mistake, he panicked and didn’t tell his creator what he had done until he was cornered by the man himself.

“Reaper,” Creator had said, voice betraying nothing of what his mood was. It was always like that. Calm. To Reaper, unnerving. “I see you betrayed my orders.” It wasn’t a question, but a fact.

Reaper wanted to hide. To disappear and never face the consequences for what he did. But that was wrong. That would be digging himself a bigger hole, and therefore a bigger punishment. Creator was law. You always went by his word, for he knew all was always right, no matter what you did. So, Reaper pushed away his fear and straightened, looking his creator in the eye, no emotion present, just as he knew the older liked.

“I did.”

He didn’t say sorry either. Father didn’t like that.

In response, his creator did something Reaper never knew possible. His mouth curved into a smile. Reaper stared, eyes wide. He wondered if this was some weird punishment for his betrayal. If it was, it just took number one as his least favourite.

Creator sighed and gestured for the younger to follow him as he started walking. Reaper followed without a second thought. “I suppose I should have told you sooner,” Creator said, not looking at him. “so that you didn’t accidentally do something like this.”

Reaper blinked. His curiosity outweighed his distrust. “Tell me what?”

And so, his creator began the explanation of why death’s power was so extreme, why it should be fear by all.

It was this discussion that sprouted the seeds that would grow into the dislike he felt for his existence and job. He would feel disgust every time he reaped someone’s soul. The feeling of his powers shifting and expanding as he did his job made him shiver. But he managed it. It was fine, in the long run. At least it was him and not his brother, who got the better part of the job.

His brother got the gentle souls. The good ones.

Reaper got the bad ones. The sinful ones.

It was this way for millennia. Doing his job, acting as the obedient soldier his creator loved him to be. All while keeping his personal business a secret. He visited Life as much as he could, which he knew she appreciated.

It was…manageable, if quiet, boring.

Until he discovered the Save Screen in the AU of Aftertale.

~oOo~

I knew the pathway like the back of my hand

~oOo~

The blackness was intriguing to Reaper. He had never seen a place so desolate before. Even when he entered the realm of magic, there were colours and stars all over the place. But this place? There was nothing. At least, until he reached what he assumed was the middle.

A patch of glass highlighted with a light that had no source.

Two floating buttons: CONTINUE or RESET.

His curiosity increased. It was like nothing he had seen before. He had seen many snowy forests, heard echo flowers saying the same thing over and over, felt the heat of the CORE all too many times…but he had never seen this. The inner workings of the world. A place he had believed to never exist.

The Save Screen.

“Who the hell are you?!”

The voice startled him and he turned, looking down at the origin. A small skeleton monster, with white clothing and a torn red scarf. He was drawn to the monster’s eye. A patch of white boxes covered it, the other formed into a glare that the god thought looked…not threatening. Maybe cute, but not threatening.

Reaper blinked. He smiled.

He decided he liked this monster.

He was gonna keep him.

“Why,” Reaper started, lazily floating forward into the monster’s face to look him in the eye. “I’m a thief.” He winked. “And I’m here to steal your heart.”

The monster blinked, slowly.

Reaper stayed smirking.

Then the monster punched him.

~oOo~

I felt the earth beneath my feet

Sat by the river and it made me complete

~oOo~

Geno was adorable.

Whenever Reaper teased him, flirted with him, or talked dirty with him, a blush would rise up and consume his cheeks and he would tense up like a cat, usually telling the god to shut up. But the god didn’t care. He knew the other liked it. He saw the smiles and amusement dancing in his eye when he tried to hide it. It made him feel smug that, no matter how much he denied it, the mortal liked having the god around.

But that wasn’t the best part.

Geno didn’t die at his touch.

Neither knew why, but the mortal just…didn’t. Maybe the glitched around his eye worsened a tad bit, but that was the significant effect. Nothing else. It baffled Reaper and confused Geno. They just decided to accept the gift for what it was.

Reaper loved it. He exploited it as much as he could, relishing in the times when Geno got fed up and punched or slapped him and he didn’t dust away, leaving the god alone. He liked the feeling of picking the other up whenever he wanted to and the other would struggle before he saw the god’s grin and then settle down, grumbling as if he was truly angry.

(He wasn’t. He was just acting like the cat he was.)

The years of this relationship were the best of the god’s life. He found that he was the happiest he ever was. His face always held a grin. His brother had asked what made him so happy, on the rare days that he was now home. Not wanting to put Geno’s life in jeopardy, he lied and made up some random excuse. Not that his brother believed him. But he stopped asking.

When Reaper realized that he had fallen in love with the mortal, he had panicked. This went against one of the main laws in place: never speak to a mortal; never befriend one. Well, he had certainly done more than speak and befriend one. He didn’t know what to do.

So, he went to the person who gave him the best advice.

His brother.

After a lecture on lying, his brother had told him to simply confess. If it didn’t go well, it didn’t go well. It didn’t matter. The two of them would probably remain friends, with as close a bond that they had. The advice gave him confidence. Reaper decided to confess right away. There was no use delaying the inevitable.

But when he got to the Save Screen, it was empty.

~oOo~

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?

I’m getting tired and I need someone to rely on

~oOo~

Reaper was devastated.

He searched through all of the AUs over and over again, but he found no trace of the one he loved. He refused to give up. Geno had to be here, somewhere. The mortal couldn’t just…up and leave, could he?

His brother had to find him and force him back home, as he had been neglecting his duties. He was put on watch by the king, to make sure he wouldn’t run off again.

He hated it.

He tried to focus on his job because he understood that he shouldn’t be turning a blind eye to his job, but he just couldn’t. No matter what he did, something would remind of Geno and he would get angry and sad again. The mortal never left his thoughts.

He wanted him back.

He was…lonely without him.

He didn’t like being lonely.

~oOo~

I came across a fallen tree

~oOo~

Error, the destroyer, was someone Reaper didn’t interact with.

He heard rumours about the other and had seen him work from a distance, but he had never gone up and talked to the other. He was still hung up on the disappearance of Geno, even though it had been years since the last time he saw him. But when he saw the destroyer, for some reason, the curiosity that had drawn him to Geno was drawing him to Error.

If he was honest, it frightened him. Also infuriated him. Geno was the only person who had made him so happy and he had left. And here was Error, someone he had never talked to, who so ruthlessly murdered countless innocents every day, who he felt the same initial attraction to. Was the destroyer trying to replace the mortal? How dare he!

But he wouldn’t know why until he talked with the other, no matter how much he didn’t want to. It would all be cleared up. He wanted it to be cleared up. He just…didn’t want to talk to him. That’s when he thought of something that would act as a compromise, that would let him see why Error was so special without him talking to the other.

He stalked the destroyer.

…

…what?

…

In hindsight, Reaper would think later, when he was dangling from some blue strings in the Anti-Void (a place that reminded him like the Save Screen, but made him feeling unease unlike the other did), stalking someone who destroyed AUs in a snap and heard voices probably wasn’t the best idea.

Since Error wasn’t around at the moment, he looked around the place, eyeing the dolls distrustfully.

“Okay, who the hell are you and why are you stalking me?!”

The glitchy voice made Reaper blink and look down. The destroyer stood there, tense. He was glaring at the god. Something about the way he did so seemed…familiar to him, in a painful way.

(“Who the hell are you?!”

“Why, I’m a thief. And I’m here to steal your heart.”)

The god shook the past away.

He glared right back at the destroyer.

Then he noticed it.

There in the destroyer’s eyes. A look that told the god he was trying to cover something up, something that looked like…pain? But why? It wasn’t like he knew Reaper…unless…a thought formed in his head, one that seemed impossible.

~oOo~

I felt the branches of it looking at me

~oOo~

“Are you going to answer me?” Error snapped, crossing his arms defensively.

Reaper tilted his head, looking the other over thoughtfully. He needed to test this thought, to have the proof in front of him before he believed it. “Can I see your soul?”

The destroyer blinked. It took him a minute to process it. Reaper could tell when he did because a blush appeared across him checks, the blue and yellow gradient perfect. “What!” The answer resembled a squeak.

“I said, can I see your soul?”

“No, I know what you said—”

“Then why did you say ‘what’?”

“Because it’s an inappropriate thing to ask!”

Reaper raised an eyebrow.

“Shut it!” Error said, bush increasing. “I’m not showing you my soul.”

Reaper sighed. So, it’s the hard way, is it? “I was afraid you’d say that.”

Error blinked, confused. “What—”

The destroyer yelped and scrambled back a few steps as Reaper summoned his scythe and ripped himself free of his strings. The god approached the destroyer calmly and the other prepared to fight. Before he could make a move, the god thrust his scythe under his chin, the blade resting just shy of his throat.

The destroyer froze.

By the magic of the scythe, his soul was summoned forth and Reaper stared at it, no emotion present. Well then…

The destroyer’s soul was just a sliver of a piece, like it had been ripped from its owner.

It looked just like Geno’s.

The thought made Reaper’s mask break. Why did Error have Geno’s soul? The only explanation would be that somehow his love had turned into the glitch before him, who looked like a wild animal that had been cornered. The god didn’t want to believe it…but the proof was too strong.

He looked up into the destroyer’s eyes.

The truth was written there, too. Underneath the angry front he put on, there was a panic and pain that Reaper longed to take away. He didn’t want to see his love feeling any of that. The worry he had been reserving for when he found Geno overflowed and made tears gather in his eyes.

He saw Error’s eyes widen and he knew the other had seen the tears.

The god of death retracted his scythe and reached forward. “Gen—”

In a blink, he was sent through a portal and into a random AU, away from Geno Error.

~oOo~

Is this the place we used to love?

Is this the place that I’ve been dreaming of?

~oOo~

Reaper tried to talk to the destroyer many times after that.

He never succeeded.

The pain of having someone he loved always running away from him was almost too much to bear. But he kept trying. He promised himself that he would make his way through to the other. Make him realize how much he loved him, no matter what name he went by or what he looked like.

He wasn’t going to let him go this time.

Never again.

~oOo~

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?

I’m getting old and I need something to rely on.

~oOo~

Reaper watched as Error fought Ink.

He had a plan this time and just had to wait for the right moment to use it.

He winced at every hit that landed on the destroyer and felt pride every time his love had an attack hit the other. One particular hit made him twitch with worry, fighting the urge to interfere and hold Error in his arms, making sure he was okay and stayed okay.

But if he did that, he would probably be kicked out of a job, which would just be bad for everyone.

So, he waited.

Eventually, Ink retreated, leaving Error alone in the AU. The destroyer stayed for a minute to catch his breath and Reaper watched, preparing to go over and interrupt him once the time was right.

The destroyer stood and turned, raising a hand to open a portal.

Reaper’s hand twitched on his scythe and he shot forwards.

Now.

~oOo~

And if you have a minute why don’t we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know?

~oOo~

Just before the destroyer left, Reaper grabbed his hand and pulled the other towards him and through his own portal.

Once they landed, Error pushed the other away, which Reaper allowed. He watched with a smile starting as his love gazed around to find out where they were. He watched as he froze at the sight of the dark void and two glowing buttons in the air.

CONTINUE or RESET.

~oOo~

This could be the end of everything

So why don’t we go

Somewhere only we know?

Somewhere only we know?

~oOo~

The Save Screen. Aftertale.

Their place, a place only they knew.

The destroyer tensed. “Why did you bring me here.” It wasn’t really a question with the way he said it so stiffly. So…scared.

“Well,” Reaper started, ignoring the hurt he felt from making the other scared. “I figured that if you won’t speak to me regularly, as normal people would, I had to kidnap you.” He tilted his head, smiling even if the other wasn’t looking. “I had to bring you to a place you can’t refuse.”

He could see the way the other struggled with himself. Should he drop the act or continue playing as if he didn’t know where he was? Reaper saw how the other really wanted to go with the second option, keeping this place in the past, forgotten. He didn’t want anything to do with this place anymore.

Reaper knew that. And he decided that, if Error chose that option, he would respect that. He would put Geno in the past and try to be friends with Error. If he was still refused, then he would leave the other alone. It didn’t matter how he felt on the topic.

Error wasn’t Geno anymore, not entirely, and he had to accept that.

But to his surprise, Error went with the first one.

~oOo~

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?

~oOo~

“I never liked it here.” Error whispered, making Reaper freeze for a minute. “I still don’t.”

He blinked at the other, close to openly gaping at him. Then he shook himself and straightened, playing with his scythe in hopes to calm himself. “I’m sorry.” He really was, too. “This was the only way you would listen to me.”

That actually got a little laugh out of the other, who turned to face Reaper. “I suppose. But now that you caught me, can we leave this place?”

Their eyes met; one pair full of hope and the other full of pain.

Reaper tilted his head again. He echoed Error’s words. “I suppose.” He paused and reached up to rub his chin. “Well, that is if you promise not to run away from me. Again.” He gave a grin.

Error looked at him without amusement.

“What? It’s a perfectly reasonable request.”

“I make no promises.”

“Aw. Then I guess we’re staying here.”

“No, we’re not.”

“You’re not promising.”

“We’re still leaving.”

Reaper only laughed and Error turned and opened a portal.

They left for Outertale.

~oOo~

I’m getting old and I need someone to rely on

~oOo~

They continued bantering as they walked. It felt natural, like a piece of the puzzle clicked back into place and now everything went more smoothly. They stopped for a minute to rest, looking up at the stars.

Reaper looked over to Error.

The destroyer looked magical, sitting there and staring at the stars with a smile and eyes full of awe. He was glad that the pain so prominent in his eyes had gone away, for now. What was left was someone who deserved everything, able to sit with peace of mind that everything was alright. He deserved to be alright, to be loved. His glitches had even calmed significantly, only one or two remaining. Besides that, the mostly black bones glowed elegantly in the lighting.

He looked perfect.

Reaper smiled and an itch grew in the back of his throat. He longed to say the words he had been holding in for so long, but he wasn’t sure if it was time. They had only just reconciled. He didn’t want to ruin things before they started to get better.

But then Error turned to him with a questioning smile, looking even more beautiful that he couldn’t build up a block in time, so the words came blurting through:

“I love you.”

~oOo~

So tell me when you’re gonna let me in

~oOo~

They both froze.

Error blinked for a minute, the surprise openly shown on his face.

Reaper internally panicked. He was so screwed! Why did he do that? He had just found his love again after years of searching—years of haven given up—and now he just threw it all away. But he couldn’t just say he was kidding, too. That would just make him a jerk.

He had to calm down and explain himself. Make sure that Error understood that he wasn’t messing around, that he truly loved the other no matter what he looked like or how he acted. The fact was that he loved the destroyer.

That was it.

Reaper cleared his throat and continued. “I have for years. I was going to tell you, but then you disappeared. And now I’ve found you again. So…

“I love you, Error. And I mean that. It isn’t just something to make you feel better. It’s not some leftover feelings from Geno. I mean, I don’t even care that he’s gone! Well, I care, you know, because I loved him—like I love you! But my point is, that if you want to move on from being him, then I get that. I accept that, and I would say I moved on from him a long time ago. I just didn’t realize it because I didn’t know he had turned into you.”

Reaper inhaled shakily and swallowed. His vision had become a bit blurred from tears that had appeared with how nervous he was. Error was silent. The god of death concluded his confession in a whisper. “I love you, whatever that may be. Whether Geno or Error. I love you. Nothing in the world can change that.”

He stopped and held his breath.

Error was still silent.

“You’re an idiot.”

Reaper blinked, vision still blurred. “What?” He winced at the shakiness of his voice.

Error shook his head and laughed lightly, something soft hidden in it. “I said, you’re an idiot.” His expression changed, becoming something sad. “Why would you love me? I mean…I get loving Geno. He was normal and nice and…a monster with unfortunate circumstances. But me? I’m a monster. I’ve killed thousands of people, more than half of them innocent. I hear voices in my head and fight people on a regular basis.” He laughed again, this time in a self-deprecating kind of way. “How can you love someone like that?”

Reaper tilted his head. It seemed, to him, that Error believed he was unworthy of love just because of something he couldn’t control. By being the destroyer, he had to kill people. There’s no way around it. And just by looking at the pain in the other’s eyes, he could see that it wasn’t something he was actively choosing to do.

So, if he was doing something he didn’t want to do, why would that make him unworthy of love? In the god’s opinion, that just made him more loveable. It told him that he was a good person at the core. It was one trait that he still shared with Geno. They both were doing things they didn’t really want to do, just had or thought they had no choice in the matter.

However, just because Reaper saw it that way, did not mean Error did.

And that was something he had to change.

~oOo~

I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

~oOo~

Reaper laughed, making Error jump. “And you think that one of the gods of death hasn’t killed people?” He smiled more coldly than he intended. “It’s part of my job. I reap souls. In order to do that, I need to make sure they’re dead. That’s where my curse comes into play.” He held up a hand. “Whenever I touch someone, they instantly die. Same goes with plants. Anything living, really. I touch them and they die.”

He looked over at the destroyer. “But not you. You never dusted when I touched you. I’m still not even sure why. But that doesn’t matter.” He put his hand down. “The point is, I’ve killed people as well. You’re not special.”

Error blinked twice. “But—”

“They were innocent? I know. But that’s not your fault. It’s part of your job. You destroy AU’s, doesn’t matter if they’re designed to be good or bad. Your job isn’t about that; it’s about making room. Without you, the AU’s would crash into each other and collapse, in turn killing the entire multiverse.” Reaper smiled. “In a way, you’re protecting the multiverse instead of destroying it. Aren’t you?”

Error looked at him. “I don’t understand how you can think that way.”

“Give it a few weeks. It’ll grow on you.”

He snorted. “I doubt that. Idiocy isn’t contagious.”

“After all that, I’m still an idiot?”

“Oh, definitely.”

~oOo~

And if you have a minute why don’t we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know?

~oOo~

When they parted ways for the evening, Error stopped Reaper as he turned to leave.

Before the god could do anything, the destroyer leaned up and kissed his cheek. It was like time froze for a minute. Reaper almost didn’t believe what was happening was even real, but the warmth on his cheek was too pleasant to ignore. All he could do in turn was blink and gape when the other pulled back, a light blush on his face.

“I may not understand how you think now,” Error said, “but I think I might like to try to, if that’s alright?”

The god of impure deaths blinked and smiled, said smile full of love and affection for the destroyer in front of him. “I’d love that.”

~oOo~

‘Cause this could be the end of everything

So why don’t we go

Somewhere only we know?

Somewhere only we know?

[autisticchicc]

Unstructured Autism Rant

A/N: For COVID reasons, mask is purely metaphorical in this piece, not an actual face mask, the work scenario was something that happened pre-COVID.

Trigger Warnings: In-depth descriptions of autism-related struggles and meltdowns.

Disclaimer: This is my personal experience with autism, that is not to say that this is the experience of every person with ASD.

“Have I solved your issue today?” I ask the customer on the other end of the phone. I have; I don’t know why I’m asking this. The customer confirms I have, and I wish them goodbye, a good day, and thank you for calling the business. I don’t care if they have a good day, and I why on earth would I thank them for calling us? The entire interaction went on for far too long for my liking thanks to small talk and the customer pushing pointless information about themselves onto me. He told me he was sketching by the riverside, but why do I need to know about that? How do I respond to a piece of information that does nothing to or for me? Upon hanging up, I breathe a sigh of relief. The mask slips off my face slightly as I rub my temples.  

The relief is short-lived, as one of my co-workers comes over to my desk to talk about something. I take a deep breath and pull the mask back on properly before forcing myself to engage enthusiastically in this conversation. I don’t know this co-worker that well, I know nothing about how she talks, her personality, or her humour, only that I have a huge margin for error in this conversation. I concentrate intensely, trying desperately to make sense of her rapidly changing facial expressions and knowing when it’s my turn to talk. After interjecting at the wrong time on several occasions, I give up and just respond meekly when there’s an obvious gap. I feel embarrassed and awkward, and when she walks away, I kick myself. Why is it so hard to have a simple conversation? I’ve yet to make any friends at this job, and I don’t think I ever will at this rate.

I swivel back to face my two screens and lament the lack of a blue light filter on this software. My eyes ache, and the dog (yeah, don’t ask) on the upper level of the open plan office keeps barking. The occasional trilling of a phone irritates me more than usual as the late afternoon sun glares through the floor to ceiling windows at my photosensitive eyes. I can’t close the blinds because my co-workers love the sun, but I’m rapidly approaching a meltdown thanks to overstimulation, exhaustion, and following vague instructions all day. It feels as though every piece of sensory stimuli is stabbing at my eyes and ears. At the end of my shift I clock out and leave without saying goodbye to anyone. I don’t know them well enough to feel comfortable going out of my way to say anything in the first place.

Upon exiting the building, I cover my ears with my big headphones, the relief that washes over me is immense. All those invasive sounds are gone now, and I can listen to whatever I want. I still feel on edge, still teetering close to a meltdown, so I choose not to worsen it by listening to something that would fuel my anger. Sometimes it’s necessary, sometimes I desperately need to hear the pained screams of Pete Steele, the aggressive guitars and lyrics of Body Count. But today, I need something that isn’t going to give me the encouragement to punch the first person that triggers my rage.

For me, music is transformative and transportive. When I listen to particular songs with noise-cancelling headphones, it’s allows me to go somewhere in my imagination while my body moves to my real destination on autopilot. I decide on an uplifting song by The Knocks and Big Boi, Big Bills. It’s a song that makes me feel like a character in a movie that has just moved to a new city and is pursuing an exciting new life. To an extent that’s sort of true for me, minus the excitement and plot armour. Either way, it’s an uplifting song for me. So much so in fact, that I listen to it on repeat all the way home. If something interrupts the song, like an announcement on the tube or having to pause it, I have to restart it or it’s not the same.

When I eventually arrive home, the transformation happens. The moment my bedroom door closes, and I turn my headphones off, it begins. The outcome of this transformation can be vastly different depending on how my day went. It might be that it was a successful day socially, so I leave my phone out of sight and silently bury myself in a hobby for hours in order to recharge. It might be that the mask comes off and I begin to scream and sob, breaking anything I can to stop myself from self-injuring, burying the heels of my hands into my eyes to block any light. The transformation varies, but it is always the result of the same thing: suppressing who I am.

Much of being autistic and being forced to operate in a society catered to neurotypical people, for me, is suppressing my natural instincts and behaviour. Even when I have a positive day socially, it’s often contingent on how well I assimilated with other neurotypical people in that particular interaction. This is frustrating because not only am I exhausted because hardly anyone accommodates for me, I am also measuring the success of my day on other peoples’ standards. Many of my interpersonal relationships also operated that way until fairly recently, I was forced to behave and communicate the way that other people expected me to rather than what felt natural to me. There is only so many places and so much time I can maintain this act for, and so I was forced to simply cut those friendships off. I am no longer willing to negotiate my needs with people that clearly don’t like me enough to respect my disorder.

The friends I keep are mindful, lovers of the eccentric, embracing that which is different and persecuted for it. Often times I find that the people closest to me also have parts of their identity that mean they must also wear a mask of sorts when moving through society, be it racist society, patriarchal society, or queerphobic society. Our arms interlink on the fringes of an abstract hierarchy, turning away from the status quo and pursuing a life in truth and diversity. One day I’d love for everyone to be able to live authentically, for discrimination, isms and phobias to fade away into the past. I don’t see it happening in my lifetime, or perhaps ever, but I hope it does eventually.

In an ideal world, I would only interact with those aforementioned friends and no one else, but as we’ve established, that is not the world we live in. The reality is, I almost never get to interact with people who accommodate for me. I deal with people touching me without permission which makes my skin crawl, forcing me to take my headphones off when I’m fending off a meltdown, managers who don’t give me the specific step-by-step instructions I need, classmates who don’t understand that I don’t talk because I’m too shy, not because I’m unfriendly, lecturers that forget I can’t operate well in group work and can’t be in classrooms with harsh, fluorescent lights… The list is endless. Even going to the shop is a struggle, because the employees have no way to know. Although Tesco’s have been considerate and ‘progressive’* enough to introduce sunflower lanyards (https://www.tesco.com/help/invisibledisability/), most stores have absolutely no assistance in place for customers with hidden disabilities. I just have to hope that they don’t speak to me and that I don’t end up getting overwhelmed and having to ask anyone for help.

In a lot of ways, this pandemic has meant that I can avoid quite a lot of the scenarios that would usually cause me stress. I no longer work (admittedly, this causes more stress than it relieves), I don’t have to attend class in person, there is little to no in-person socialising, family events are cancelled, seasonal holidays are cancelled, queuing and crowding is no longer allowed (without distancing), etc. That has all been excellent and a relief. But on the flip side, it has given rise to a whole host of new problems. I hate being on camera or speaking in online lessons, there is no way for me to remind the teacher subtly I can’t do group work, masks trigger heat-related meltdowns for me, the financial instability of being unemployed has been a huge stressor, and the lack of government support is utterly enraging. 

Overall, it’s been a huge adjustment. The job that I talked about my experience with at the beginning of this rant is long gone now, so many things have changed. I have never dealt well with change, but this year has forced me to. In some ways I suppose you could say this is a positive development, exposure therapy is best at times. I just wish it had been more on my terms and not at the hands of a viral pandemic. 

[flowerslightning]

The Act of Recognizing and Missing Someone - Cloud Strife with Tifa edition

Ever wondered how on earth Cloud could quickly tell the girl inside the chocobo car was Tifa? Well, I do. This is just a gibberish and a little bit educational talk.. But here's what I found. Quite interesting (and hella confusing) for me

 It’s kinda hard to explain, I don’t really understand this topic, unlike this part here where I explained about Cloud’s messed up memories. But I still want to share this with u guys.

Disclaimer : I'm still a student (or am I? This quarantine sucks) Psychiatric/Psychology/Neurobiology arent my major field. The interpretations I’ve made here probably have some errors here and there. Pls correct me if I’m wrong or misleading u

The biggest question is, how comes we can recognize someone's face? How well our brain able to detect someone's facial features, body postures and even voices to the point we can recall their name? This is a hard topic,so im just gonna focus on the visual part.

We all have been asking this to ourselves, how on earth Cloud was able to recognize the girl in the chocobo car was Tifa by just looking behind her back. It seems impossible, does it? Nothing is impossible for fictional world, ahahah.. But it actually makes sense in real life

And here's the answer based on what I've read and understood.

Our brain can be divided into six sections, and each section has their own functions and neurons. Based on studies, the sections inside the brain has something that we can call as ‘Face Patches’. It contains a numerous amount of specific neurons that help us to code ‘faces’ and recall memory/facts in our brain. So, when we look at someone, this patches work their cell and recall a name/fact. Some people can recognize a face fast while others need time to identify a face. Everyone has different ability for face recognising

In the region of our brain, one of them associated with ‘declarative memory’, it consists of facts and events that can be consciously recalled. Declarative memory can be further divided into two group - Episodic Memory and Semantic Memory. Focus on Episodic Memory, just like how the name suggest, its a ‘repeating’ of something, either event, places, associated emotions and even the faces. Cloud had lots of ‘episodic memory’ with Tifa, from when he was a kid till he became an adult.

Face recognition feels effortless compare to body posture. But actually both are challenging computational problem, especially the body posture part- eg the way someone walk, the way they jump etc. However, studies show that when u have a ‘connection’ with that person, just by looking behind the person’s back or look at the way they walk, the neurons inside your brain can work really fast to detect who that person is. It also involves with the hormones u have at that moment. The deeper connection u have with them, the faster ur brain work. So, u dont really have that A-HAA moment when u meet someone u’re connected with. The connection- or specifically the emotions we have has a particularly strong influence on attention, especially in motivating someone’s action and behavior. When u were shopping with ur mom and suddenly u got lost, u couldnt remember what color of ur mom’s dress but ur somewhat ‘instinct’ (kinda similar like how a cub loses its mom. They will hurry to find them) told ur eyes to go look for her sight. When ur brain memory detect someone ‘familiar’ like ur mom and u went to approach her, the neurons of ‘Face Patches’ would do its job to recognize the face and tell either that woman was ur mom or not.

So, based on this comprehension. I have 3 theories or understanding on how Cloud could immediately tell that girl was Tifa . 

First, bcause we all knew he and Tifa were childhood friends. So, his brain was already familiar with Tifa’s body posture. Besides knowing that Cloud had a crush on her since young, pretty sure that boy always had his eyes on her (and until now, he still has it). So Cloud really got attached with Tifa in many ways. However, the prob is, didnt they got separated for at least 5 years, and Tifa’s body has changed, how could Cloud implied the memory of younger Tifa to this older Tifa? Okaaay, lets see if my second theory can support this statement

My second theory, Cloud was so used to watch Tifa’s back, wasnt he? Since he was a kid, he wanted to approach Tifa and the gang but he couldnt. So I assumed he always stay behind, watching Tifa’s back while the other kids were playing around. Plus, he also followed Tifa to the mountain and he watched her back. There was a scene where Cloud mistaken a kid at the Sector 5 slum to Tifa kid. And in the Crisis Core, he stayed behind the team and there he watched Tifa’s back in 15y/o version again. So, his memory about Tifa body posture was intact in his mind. Girls’ body got mature early and fast. I dont think there was much difference between 15y/o and 20y/o Tifa’s back posture and her hair. Her hair did get longer but u cant really tell how long the hair was through the chocobo car window. 

Combining the memories Cloud had about Tifa’s body posture + he was deeply connected with her, this allowed Cloud to recognize Tifa immediately without needing the A-HA I REMEMBER U moment. The neurons inside his brain already have specific details about Tifa (cough.. lifestream. Damn u Cloud. ur brain is just filled with TIFA TIFA TIFA) + and also thanks to certain hormones that played a role here, Cloud could effortlessly recall her name upon meeting her figure.

The last theory would be bcause he missed and wanted to see Tifa till he saw other black haired girl as her. His brain had been repeatedly played the images of Tifa and certain hormones encouraged him to believe that girl was Tifa. I dont really understand the psychology of missing someone, but what I can conclude is, when u miss someone and u cant see them, the emotional pain u feel may harm ur physical a bit, depends on how well u deal with them. Some people will do crazy stuff to satisfy their need to avoid the ‘physical harm’, although certain acts will actually give them real physical injury. So, when Cloud running to the chocobo car without really need a confirmation that girl was Tifa might be bcause his brain tried to avoid the emotional pain that could give his physical distress. Imagine if the girl in the chocobo car wasnt Tifa, Cloud would be super duper upset. But well, Cloud missed Tifa was just a theory of mine. 

Mistaken some strangers is a normal response in our daily life. It could be bcause of certain hormones inside our body were playing tricks with our neurons brain and we mistaken somebody as someone we wanted to see (am I using the correct words here? RIP english vocabs and grammars) Have u ever been in a situation where u miss someone, that person always linger inside ur head to the point that strangers kinda look like them? Or maybe u’re too scared of someone that everyone around u looked like them? Or maybe u just have lost ur little sister that tied her hair in ponytail and u often mistaken little girl with the same hairstyle as her? All of these not only related with the neurons in ur brain, but also memories and hormones took place here too. U ‘missed’ that person and u were hoping to see them very soon

Overall, I would say, Cloud’s neurons, memories, hormones and his desire to meet up with Tifa again, he could quickly tell the girl inside the chocobo car was really Tifa and ran to her without hesitation. He didnt need that “Hey, that girl looks familiar. Have I meet her somewhere.. A-HA, I KNOW THAT WOMAN! SHE’S TIFA, my childhood friend” moment. He had deep emotions with Tifa and had a strong desire to meet her soon. Thus, his brain already arranged the specific neurons that contained Tifa’s information. By the time Cloud saw her sight, in just a few seconds, he could recall the name in his brain.

Cloud need the ‘A-HA, I remember u’ moment when he met with Aerith. He didnt recognized Aerith’s face at all, not until Aerith mentioned about the flowers. Cloud remembered the flower (probably bcause he gave the flower to Tifa? Cloud had deep emotions with her) but not Aerith’s face. Again, I say, this is a normal act bcause Cloud didnt have any emotion with her to remember on that moment, but later on, Cloud (AC) cherished the yellow flower.

That’s it. Thank you for being with me till the end. 

[arofili]

Fic Writer Interview

tagged by @dialux, thank you so much!!

Name: I am starlightwalking on ao3!

Fandoms: I’ve been mostly in the Tolkien fandom ever since I joined AO3; these days I write mostly Silm fic. But I also dabble in TAZ and Les Mis from time to time!

Where you post: AO3 and tumblr!

Most Popular One-shot: (going by hits for this one, though personally I measure the success of a fic by comments more than anything else. but hits are probably the best measure for popularity)

(extremely long sigh) ......... “Free from the ties that bind,” the only Fast and Furious fic I’ve written (and the only one I plan to write). people are just really here for Dom and Brian, which, like, I get that, there’s a reason I wrote the fic, but c’mon this is NOT something i’m like, The Most Proud Of

for Tolkien oneshots, though, it’s my Gigolas fic from TRSB19, “Love and Fear” :) I like that one a lot!

and for Silm oneshots specifically, it’s “It is the star to every wand’ring bark,” a Maglor-comes-home-to-Valinor fic I wrote for B2MeM19. I totally get why that one is well-liked; Maglor is a beloved character who FINALLY gets his happy ending here ;-;

Most Popular Multichap: A Merrier Place, the first BotFA fixit fic I wrote, way back in 2015. I get why, we were all in need of fixits then, but also I have way better fics now ;-; I don’t think I’ll surpass this anytime soon, it outstrips my next-most-popular fic by over 2k hits.

Favorite story you’ve written so far: “One More Time With Feeling,” aka the Russingon Fake Dating AU I wrote for TRSB20! I had so much fun writing this, I think it’ll be my favorite for awhile :D

Fic you were nervous to post: oh man I’m always super nervous posting smut; I think especially “the fire of life” (also written for TRSB20) was nervewracking because of how intense it got and also because there was a LOT of plot and I was worried about characterization too.

How do you choose your titles: Well, I’m currently waiting for someone to notice the pattern in the fic titles within the wondrous parts of you and I... but generally I’ll pull a quote from either the fic itself or a song, book, etc.

Do you outline: oh yeah absolutely! anything that isn’t super spontaneous gets an outline; sometimes even those fics do too. whether or not I stick to the outline is a toss-up, but I’m a planner for sure.

Complete: I’ve only ever not completed one fic (the Kiliel space AU I took down with the vague idea of turning into an original story) and it still haunts me. I am very determined to finish all my fics at some point; I hate leaving things hanging! As of now (12/8/20), 294 of my total 298 fics are marked as complete. Most of those are oneshots, though.

In progress: I have 4 fics marked as in-progress on AO3: Moonlight, the spiritual successor to A Merrier Place in that it’s a second, hopefully better take on a BotFA fixit AU; Cause and Consequence, the story of my Silm OC Ryndil; Roads Go On, my Modern Middle-earth retelling of LoTR; and In the Grey, the story of another Silm OC, Thennes.

Those aren’t my only WIPs, of course - I’m also working on a few different series! I still have ideas for the Feanorian Redemption verse, though they’re mostly “filler” fics, not actually plot-focused stories; the world as we know it, my Silm modern AU, still has a ways to go with plot (not to mention the filler stuff I have ideas for!); the wondrous parts of you and I (linked in a previous answer) aka the Trans Finno Verse, is likewise a ways from completion; My dearest cousin(s) (aka Finrod FUCKS) has been gathering dust since I posted the first installment but I do plan to finish it eventually; and finally synchronize into a love you’ve never known, aka the Russingon Fake Dating AU, has a few more installments I’m planning on writing, including the currently-about-halfway-done story of Finno’s POV of the main fic :)

Oh, and I have several WIPs that are currently languishing in my Google Drive. :P

Coming soon/not yet started: I’m currently working on holiday exchanges and events! But after that I’m planning to update Roads Go On, and then maybe focus on some of the fics I haven’t shared with y’all yet.

Prompts?: I love taking prompts! they’re not currently open (maybe after the holidays?) but I have a lot of fun writing ficlets for other people :D

Upcoming work you’re most excited about: I am constantly daydreaming about my Russingon Arranged Marriage AU, which starts off as a comedy of errors about Mae and Finno and their dads but eventually just turns into a sprawling AU that’s really just an excuse to give everyone a bajillion kids and have everything be okay for once. When will I write this? Frankly I have no idea but I hope I will eventually!

i tag @buffintruder @absynthe--minded @aowyn @nikosheba @elesianne @crackinthecup @jail-crow-of-mandos and @thishazeleyeddemon - if you’d like to, no pressure :)

[terminally-karkalicious]

allow me to rant about the only thing that has been in my brain for the past two months and that is doll customizing babeyyyyy

i know there’s a 90% chance that you wont give a Shit about any of this but here we go anyways

SO first you gotta choose a doll. preferably one with a high range of motion to avoid creating new joints or having annoying limitations like not having elbow joints for some fucking reason. what the fuck mattel. give monster high dolls back their ball jointed shoulders and elbow joints. smh

the most common dolls ive seen used as bases are monster high and ever after high. most customs ive seen are highly stylized so the stylized face molds work well for those types of dolls but dolls like barbies are good for when you want a more realistic face-ups.

once you’ve got your base picked out you gotta wipe that bitch’s face off with like. acetone or nail polish remover or something strong like that. you can also use acetone to shrink doll heads which is cool as hell imo. n e way once the face is wiped you gotta chop off the hair and remove the hair plugs from the inside. ive seen this done several ways but the easiest and most common way ive seen is to dunk the head into boiling water for ~30 seconds until it gets squishy and malleable. once you’ve got the head back, you can use pliers (i think tweezers would work in a pinch) to pull out the hair plugs which are kinda icky because theyre covered in glue and other gross shit. ew

now you must decapitate the doll. dunk em back in the boiling water to soften them back up then just tug the head off. the neck pegs look funky and are usually a different color than the body so thats cool ig

once the head’s off, you can start the face-up which is basically just giving the doll a new face using stuff like watercolor pencils, acrylic paint, gouache, and a whole lot of other stuff. hell ive seen people use person makeup on these dolls.

next,,,,, hair. there’s about twenty million ways to do hair from gluing yarn wefts to sewing to rerooting with purchased nylon doll hair or yarn wefts but i’m gonna talk about the most common one ive seen which is rerooting and gluing.

before you can reroot, you need doll hair. which, as i mentioned, can be bought at stores like the doll planet or made at home with yarn in literally any color. have fun with it! make rainbow hair or something idk

to make homemade wefts, you take some acrylic yarn, cut it twice as long as you want the hair to be (keep in mind you can cut and style the hair once it’s been rerooted), fold them in half, and tie it to something sturdy like a wire coat hanger for the next step.

once you’ve got your yarn tied to your hanger, use a pet brush and brush the yarn until it’s wispy and looks like hair. then take a straightening iron and iron the weft flat. then remove from the hanger and boom. hair wefts. ta-da

to reroot the wefts onto the head, use a rerooting tool (which can be as simple as a needle with the eye cut at angle) (just google it please i’m shit at descriptions)) to poke small sections of the hair into the head. you can use the pre-existing rooting holes for your own reroot as they’re usually pretty reliable. to reroot, take a small length of you doll hair (about 10-15 strands), loop it in half, and put the middle of the loop into the reroot tool. poke the end of the tool with the hair on it into the pre-existing hole and remove the tool. the hair *should* stay in and fill up that plug!! also remember to plug thickly at the hairline and part of the hair where it's most noticeable. it doesnt matter as much in the center of the head as that’s not usually visible on the doll. once you’ve rerooted, squeeze in strong glue through the neck hole and squish around the head to make sure it covers all the plugs and secures them in place. then pour hot water onto the head to make the hair lay flat for styling later.

also, you can reroot yarn directly into the head to make thicker, more textured hairstyles. and since the yarn is thicker, you dont need to glue the inside of the head for the hair to stay in place!!

if youre not doing body modifications (which are also cool as hell) then it’s time for clothes but clothes are boring and i like body mods more so i’m gonna rant about them instead

the material ive seen most doll artists use is apoxie sculpt, which is like play doh on steroids. it comes in two parts which you gotta mix together for some reason. why dont they sell it pre-mixed. what was the reason. also once it’s dry it’s super super strong and you can sand it, drill into it, paint it, and all kinds of stuff. very nice and i want some for myself.

you can use hand saws and drills and shit to whack off doll limbs to make stuff like digitigrade legs or new joints. also dont be afraid to use other mismatching doll parts when customizing like heads and bodies and forearms and hands and shit. it literally does not matter if youre gonna recolor the doll anyways so have fun with it. make frankenstein’s doll if youre feeling spicy

accessories my beloved. stuff like tiny beads and clay baubles and shit will literally transform the entire doll plus they’re adorable and multi-purpose

i suppose i must talk about clothes now. ah well. you can find great clothing patterns if youre new to customizing on other customizer’s etsy shops and probably google although those will probably be lower quality than paid pattern pieces. and keep in mind that if it exists as clothing irl, you can likely make it doll-sized. there are literally no limits to your clothing options as long as you can execute your idea.

the once all your components have been made, you can assemble the doll again!! and finally see what all the parts look like together!! very cool 10/10 stars.

ight that wraps up my doll rant. i could really go into more detail on certain parts but thats a whole other rant for a whole other day smh. sorry for fucking flooding your inbox ender ahaha……………. you asked for this

little did you know that dolls have been one of my favorite things since like ever. if i can read a 25 chapter long fanfic i can read this B)

mattel definitely fucked up by completely ruining MH doll designs and just stopping EAH, alot of their profits most likely came from people who collect and customize dolls and by changing MH doll designs/Stopping EAH dolls they 1. most likely lost a small (or big if we're not jus talking people who customize dolls) part of their profit and 2. made it harder for doll customizers to make dolls/get commissions out rather quickly because they probably have to waste more time making joints or learning how to make joints.

EAH/MH dolls (specifically MH dolls) had AMAZING MODELS because there was so much variety with height, face shapes, etc (my favorite molds had to be the short/tall dolls and the cat molds because of the tails) and doll customizers really went all out with enhancing a molds unique features. The only "downside" abt MH dolls is that they (or atleast most)(from what i remember)) had slimmer faces but wider eyes while EAH dolls have wider faces with slimmer smaller which left a canvas for the face and not the eyes (and vice versa for MH dolls)

I've never seen any videos where a barbie is customized (maybe because i absolutely despised barbies at the time) so I'll definitely have to check those out but they seem to be good for realistic makeovers. I've seen like like semi realistic makeovers for EAH/MH dolls that were pretty good too tho (pretty sure mostly EAH dolls since yk MH dolls were used for creature makeovers while most EAH dolls weren't)

yeah i was always amazed by the head shrinking with acetone. honestly i still am?? idunno i have no idea how that chemical bullshit works. Ive seen a few of uh makeovers that just pain over the face (in multiple layers ofcourse) but that's usually when they're painting the entire body a different colour (again usually when they're turning a doll into a funky little baby man). I've also seen a few that just chop the hair off and take out the hair plugs yk without uuh like softening the head or just go straight for the hair plugs after taking off the head (i used to do that it was funny to me??). i always really liked when they used watercolour pencils or just colour pencils in general to draw/sketch on the face cause like wow ur drawing on ur doll without ruining it?? kinda epic maybe even poggers and pogchamp?? oh god my brain is failing wjshsmsj.

Watching them putting the hair back on the doll was, other than the face stuff, was the BEST part for me. Favorite type of hair was iuuuuuh was either thick yarn or brushed out yarn. Literally worship the people that would reroot the hair, theyre the most patience people on this earth!! it's literally insane but i guess that's what happens when you've been doing that for years? you guess kinda get used to it. when they put glue into the head does it just become stiff?? like it's just a clump of dried glue or does it like..hollow out again??

dude you literally cannot convince me most of the supplies used for doll makeovers. APOXIE CLAY LOOKS SO FECKING GOOD. its edible and i will die on that hill. The body mods are literally so amazing!!!!! it's so impressive how theyre able to imagine certain features THEN LIKE ACTUALLY MAKE IT LOOK ACCURATE TO WHAT THEY WANTED TO LOOK LIKE AFTER LIKE ON TRY (or many yk trial and error is very necessary for..everything). Absolutely loved when doll customizers would saw off a dolls legs and use different ones or just completely get rid of the torso to use a different one. it's like uuh that one big guy that's mismatched and sewn together. very cool. The accessories are so fun!! just small little details you seen really need but can add because it's your feckin doll!! I used to be absolutely obsessed over the doll clothes i would find on etsy, so much so that i started sewing shitty shirts and dresses for my uh "customized" dolls (they were absolute HORRORS idk WHY my mom let me feck up my dolls like that).

Thank you for this!! i haven't been able to talk about any of my interests for a while and this just really made me happy!!

Question fer u my fellow MH/EAH enthusiast: what was your favorite MH/EAH movie/episode and doll series. Mine was The fusion dolls (MH obvi) and that MH movie "Haunted" cause we got to know more about Spectra :D

[ailuronymy]

Hello, Grey. Hope you’re doing well.

First off, a note for your information. I’m autistic, and tend to come off as incredibly direct without meaning to. Do read straightforward bluntness in this ask as genuine, matter-of-fact forthrightness, please. No aggression or derision is intended by anything I write hereafter.

Recently you made a post responding to an Anonymous ask referring to a question about non-binary cats in Ailuronymy’s character generator that was asked by the same Ruddles five years ago. I couldn’t follow your argumentation in either post, nor understood what you found wrong about the original question of that Ruddles.

Grey’s notes: hello there. I’m putting all of this under a read-more since there’s already a lot of words here. I would like to settle this matter and so I hope this might give you some answers–but if not, I’m sorry but I’m not really looking to continue the conversation any further. I didn’t really volunteer to have to deal with this kind of thing when I started writing a blog about pretend cats, and while I am very happy to try to educate and do what I can with the knowledge and little platform I have, this particular kind of education not what I’m here for and I’d prefer not to spend my time on it more than is necessary.

I have absolutely nothing against nonbinary people. I also consider real-life commonality a possible valid argument for commonality in a character generator for a fictional world that is integrated into a version of real Earth.

This is where we disagree. In real life, non-binary people are (allegedly) less common than binary people. I’m willing to agree with you on that. However, that is also not actually the issue I have and to explain what I mean by that I want to raise two points:

1. why should a for-fun name or character generator be expected to reflect real-world statistics?

2. why is the non-binary entry the sticking point, and not the the statistical over-presence of albinistic cats, for example, or white cats with blue eyes that aren’t deaf, or tortoiseshell toms? 

If I made a character generator for a pseudo-medieval fantasy, would you expect me to carefully ensure that the ratio of kings to peasants was correct? Would I be expected to put several thousand peasant entries in, and only one monarch, so that it would “accurately” reflect the “real world” (note: pseudo-medieval fantasy is not a real place or time, just like the world of Warriors is not)–or would people recognise that a character generator is merely a prompt and not something that needs to be taken literally? A character generator is simply holding up an option to you, which you are free to take or leave or change as you desire. 

The fact that the non-binary entry is the issue and none of the others I’ve listed–all of which are “statistical errors” within the context of the generator–reveals that this is not actually a concern about accuracy. If it was simply a concern about accuracy, then the person would be considering all of the ways in which my generator does not deliver an accurate reflection of “the real world.” But it’s not about accuracy, it’s specifically about the non-binary entry. And that is why I have an issue with this stance. 

If you can look at an otherwise error-filled generator and express concern only about the fact you have to see the word “non-binary” more frequently than you think is correct, that is a bigoted mindset. The non-binary entry in the generator is exactly as common as “tom” and “molly”: a one-in-three chance. You have two-out-of-three chances to see a binary gender, which is still a majority. 

I understand if you don’t want to spend your time on this, and respect your decision to do so if you so choose. However, I would like to understand why the above argument I mentioned isn’t valid in your eyes, and what makes inquiring about the generator ratio’s incongruence with real life ratios in humans instantly bigoted, since I wasn’t able to follow the reasoning there. How can asking a mere question that, to my eyes, seemed innocent, qualify as being bigoted? Isn’t the definition of bigotry more in the direction of an actively damaging, enduring prejudice?

It is not a good faith question, even if the person asking isn’t intentionally trying to be prejudiced or is asking the question in genuine curiosity. The question itself is not innocent. I think it is a mistake to refer to any question as “mere” because many questions can in fact be insidious, hurtful, inappropriate, malicious, or intentionally derailing. 

I would also like to point out that “sealioning” is a technique that certain people use to exhaust people by asking questions. That’s not what the anon who asked me was doing (I believe this was entirely an isolated incident and not actively malicious), but it’s not uncommon for marginalised people to be asked seemingly innocuous questions with the intent to exhaust, derail, infuriate, or belittle them. I can recommend watching carefully for this kind of behaviour, because it often takes the form of “polite” or “innocent” questioning--and then getting performatively upset when the person eventually refuses to engage anymore. 

Answering questions takes time and effort and energy, especially when the question is “explain why you should have rights” or “I don’t see why [thing that hurts you is bad], please explain in detail,” so sometimes people get fed up and lash out after being needled at length with similar. (This is kind of a detour, but I felt it’s worth acknowledging the way in which question-asking can actually be weaponised against marginalised people).

Anyway, as I said above, to isolate the frequency of the non-binary as an issue in a context where statistical accuracy is not assumed or required and would not be expected of other traits reveals that the person asking has an issue with non-binary being as present as it is. What does the person asking this question seek to achieve? If the non-binary entry in the generator is reduced in frequency to a “normal” or “accurate” level, what does that actually accomplish? 

One could certainly make the argument that it’s fallacious to relate real-life commonality to generator commonality, bringing forth whichever reasons one might choose; but instead in your response back then you chose to instead personally criticize the commenter while skipping over their actual question. How come? What made it invalid to address?

Sometimes I am tired and people make me cross with the things they say, so I be short with them and say exactly what I think of their behaviour, rather than hold their hand like a kindergarten teacher. If I was asked the same thing today, I would probably have been gentler and attempted to be more informative, because I have become gentler as a person in the five years since I answered that ask. I’m sure you can understand. Sometimes I’m not playing 4d chess and don’t have the wisdom and forethought of the sages. Sometimes I’m just a cranky old guy writing about cats who gets interrupted and has to tell someone to get over their nonsense. 

The Ruddles from back then didn’t imply viewing non-binary people negatively in any way, did they? (Genuine question; due to being autistic I’m not good at reading peoples’ intentions, and even worse at it over text.)

The implication is the question. Perhaps this person really did believe they “don’t have a problem with non-binary people”–but they clearly had enough of a problem with the word showing up 1/3 times on a generator to come and request for me, the creator, to make the word less common so they did not have to see it as much. That is not something a person does when they legitimately don’t have a problem with non-binary existence. 

How did what they asked have the potential to hurt anyone?

The question is hurtful implicitly because it calls into question the validity of the non-binary entry taking up space in the generator, and I suspect that could possibly hurt people’s feelings to read. 

But the big issue is actually what that person might also do. The question itself can do very little, but the unchallenged prejudice that caused the question to be asked at all can be very hurtful if left unchecked. That’s why I go to the effort to answer questions here. 

Why did you consider their train of thought about relating commonality in the generator to commonality IRL unkind or self-centred? It seems an obvious and innocuous connection to make, to me. Where does kindness or the lack of it come into the matter? How I understood, the argument appears focused only on factual observations of our reality, rather than making any statement disliking the inclusion of non-binary as an option in the generator, or equivalent.

There’s a phrase some people like to use that says “facts don’t care about your feelings.” But we are not facts and we can choose how we interpret and deliver facts to one another. Unkindness features in this question in the absence of considering how non-binary people might feel seeing themselves represented in the generator, and how it might feel to have someone quibbling over “commonality,” like they are a hypothetical to be debated, instead of real people who will read the question on my blog.  

Many people have thanked me over the years for including the entry and I care about how they feel. I felt that the person asking that question cared only about comforting their own worldview, instead of ceding some space in it for others–at no personal cost.

As far as I can tell, there ought to be some layer of personal prejudice that seems invisible to me in the original Ruddles’ question, else your response wouldn’t make sense - and I doubt that’s the case, based on what I’ve read from you the last few years.

I understand that you may not want to respond to this for whatever reason. Maybe it would take too long, maybe you don’t want to open this can of beans, or consider me a lost cause for my confusion.

That is fine. I accept your choice.

But if you do want to help me understand, I’d be thankful for a short explanation about your reasoning, so I can gain the contextual information to evaluate whether my own viewpoints, that wouldn’t have considered the initial Anonymous question from 2015 to be anything but an innocuous inquiry phrased a bit unfortunately, have the potential to cause hurt in the future.

I’m afraid I can’t really give a short explanation, given how much you’ve asked for me to clarify in this message, but I hope this reply clarifies what you’re struggling with. 

For what it’s worth, I think caring about the impact you have on others is the best possible place to come from as a person, so I don’t think you’re a lost cause. Best of luck to you in the future. 

I don’t want to unintentionally (or intentionally, for that matter) make anyone’s life worse, especially not that of people belonging to a group that already faces so many undeserved struggles in this world. That’s why I chose to write this, even if it may seem overly lengthy or not worth the effort to some.

Take care, and thanks for reading

Anony Mouse

[fire-mage-719]

DOOM 2016 vs DOOM Eternal

Yeah, I get it, I’m late to the party. How long as Eternal been out? And I literally just finished it? Which isn’t even to mention how I didn’t even GET Eternal until long after it had come out. But early into playing Eternal I wanted to make a 2016 vs Eternal comparison. It has been a while since I’ve played 2016, but I’ve played through it at least, like, three times so hopefully my memory stands as I write this critique of the two games. 

Now first off, neither are bad games. You’re a fool to think either one would be so. Both are MARVELS in gameplay and entertainment factor. Honestly, if I was stuck with one game for the rest of time, it would probably be one of these two. Well, I also like other properties mostly licensed or owned by Nintendo, so it would be a tough battle, but they’re up there. DOOM 2016 and Eternal are just really stinking good games. Now personally I can’t really say anything on quality, since I played 2016 on a Switch (which is not renowned for stellar graphics) and Eternal on my computer (a hand-me-down from my father, which I am surprised doesn’t explode every time I touch it... I’m bad with computers and wouldn’t dare to replace the graphics card unless my life depended on it). I just really can’t say anything about graphics, but overall even without 1080 HD resolution and maximum FPS or whatever, the games work well, and play well. The only glitch or error I ever had playing either was in 2016, where on the second level I phased through a floor in the middle of a fight and right into a section with a new gun. I did not complain. 

Now to get to the actual points. DOOM Eternal is an amazing game. I think that they really perfected the combat from 2016 in Eternal. We will miss hand pistol, rip, but they really did the weaponry and fighting well. The flames for armor, glory kills, grenades, THE SWORD MAN, all of them just... amazing. I think the first thing I was just so ecstatic about was the regenerating chainsaw ammo. Because you could always at least get 1 chainsaw ammo (gas? Whatever) back whenever you wanted, it made it so you had to use the chainsaw. Well, the way the game played you NEEDED the chainsaw, but rather, with this mechanic you could use it regularly, and not just try and save it for the annoying enemies. That was a HUGE boost from 2016 that Eternal had.

Another thing Eternal did well was hiding secrets. A staple for DOOM throughout time, and Eternal did a perfect job of hiding them but also making them reasonable to find. They’re cleverly hidden, and the dossier and map show just enough to help you get them. I really like the map in Eternal, I think that the main thing I would want in 2016 is Eternal’s map. And to speak of map and locations: travelling in both 2016 and Eternal is never a chore. The amazing landscapes and designs are just spectacular. Not to mention the fast travel option in Eternal? You can go back and find the secrets you missed which is just... so amazing. Like, I’m no completionist, and I want to complete DOOM.

Now to get to my only quarrel with Eternal: The story flow. 

I love Eternal, but I felt as if the story was somehow... wrong. Oh, the storytelling and lore are great, but I felt as if things were too far apart, non-joined as I played. The flow of place to place felt wrong, or in the very least too fast. In 2016, everything takes place on Mars (or Hell) and everything seems more joined or within reason, rather than just: Oh, I’m on Earth! Now I’m on the Sentinel Planet! And now I’m in a frozen land! Now we’re in Hell! And Hey look there’s Mars! The story is just fine, it all works out, and the worlds we go to follow that story just fine and well, but compared to the storytelling and progression of 2016, it just feels slightly off. Not saying it’s bad, just that I prefer the flow of 2016. But we also got all the cool locations of Eternal, and hey, they’re really stinking awesome. 

My other complaint is that Eternal just sort of... started. We show up on this like... space station? Just chilling outside of the orbit of Earth? Like, how did we get there at the end of 2016? Where did it come from? That was the only real plot thing that sort of bugged me.

The story of Eternal and 2016 can’t really be compared. They’re sort of only comparable to themselves and their own stories. BUT CAN I SAY THAT SAMUEL HAYDEN CAN SCREW RIGHT OFF????? Shut up you stupid sword thief! Stealing MY sword! And then acting all buddy-buddy got to save the world? I do like his character honestly, and I adore the implications he has. Or rather, all the knowledge he has. Like, he gives us some exposition on the places we go to (once we unfortunately have his company) and you have to wonder how the fresh heck he GOT that info. I think I saw a theory that the maykr angel that made Doomguy have the big-bad powers the demons fear (beside his overall ungodly amounts of rage) was also Samuel. Like, something about similarity of names and the disappearance of the angel dude? But the story expansion for eternal shows the angel dude with voice lines that imply they aren’t the same person, so really for now all we have on Sammy boy is he’s a piece of garbage. Who somehow stole the almighty maker of the makyrs. That comment Vega made, “Dr. Hayden, am I the Father?” or whatever, had me shooketh. BUT WHAT HAD ME MORE SHOOKETH IS THAT WE LEFT VEGA BEHIND! Or that like, Samuel just had the almighty maker of the angel people just running his Mars facility? And almost get blown up at the end of 2016? Just wack.

I had other stuff, like how the Unmakyr is super cool, giving us more weapon options. And how the new weapons are cool, and specifics on combat, but we don’t need to go into what we already know: the combat in Eternal rocks. I wanted to talk a bit about upgrades, but I just have to say that I liked the 2016 ones better. They were a bit more customizable, and I just preferred the ways you got them in 2016. 

The last thing I can really say is that the boss battles in Eternal were sort of... sad. In 2016 they were super cool, with interesting mechanics that you really had to figure out and adapt to. The ones in Eternal were like... shoot me enough and just don’t die to the lackeys that spawn and my AOE attacks or maybe like, my fist. The integration from level to boss fight didn’t feel as smooth in Eternal as it did in 2016. Honestly, I just thought the boss battles were sort of boring in Eternal. Like the Doom Marauder was a more difficult fight than the Icon of Sin. They worked well with the combat, but they just were sort of boring. 

I don’t want to go on much longer, but above all I loved Eternal and 2016. Both are amazing games with great combat, are totally fun to fight in and explore, and give us amazing stories and characters. Not you Samuel. I can’t wait for the Eternal story expansion, and I can’t wait to see where the story goes from here.