#effects of surrogacy on child

[surrogacycare]

What challenges you may encounter while pursuing Surrogacy in Greece ?

As you look for a suitable surrogacy destination for your next step towards parenthood, you must always look through the challenges and associated risks. Also, thanks to its excellent surrogacy regulations and first-rate medical facilities, Greece is growingly popular among individuals wishing to have a family through surrogacy. Should you be thinking about starting your surrogacy journey in Greece, there are some crucial factors you should know about to guarantee a seamless and successful experience. This post will walk you through the key ideas, including specifics on Greek surrogacy regulations and selecting a suitable surrogacy clinic there.

Learning through Greek Surrogacy Laws

Understanding the legal environment is first and maybe most important factor while weighing surrogacy in Greece. That said, Greek surrogacy regulations are rather friendly compared to those of several other European nations. With some restrictions, they let intended parents—both local and foreign— seek surrogacy: Greek surrogacy is governed by particular regulations that guarantee the rights and obligations of all involved parties are precisely defined and preserved. Before starting the medical treatments, the surrogacy arrangement must be approved by a court under legal process. This guarantees that the agreement protects the interests of the surrogate, the intended parents, and the child as well as is legally binding. One advantage of the surrogacy laws in Greece is that they let the intended parents be listed straight on the birth certificate without involving adoption following birth. Moreover, establishing parental rights becomes easier this way. That said, you must always connect with an experienced legal professional to guide you towards your surrogacy journey,.

The role of the professional isn’t limited to the legal guidance and they will also help you in drafting the surrogacy agreement. At the same time, the legal professional will help you safeguard your interests and rights in the best manner possible.

Selecting the most appropriate clinics

The success of your journey depends on choosing a respected surrogacy clinic in Greece. Think on the following while selecting a clinic: Research possible clinics to be sure they possess the required qualifications and a decent reputation. Search for evaluations from other intended parents and verify the success statistics of the clinic about surrogate instances. The surrogacy clinic in Greece ought to have had experts in reproductive technologies. Make sure the facility keeps high standards in medical procedures and provides the latest IVF technologies. Good clinics usually offer thorough support services including psychiatric counselling, legal advice, and help with the administrative sides of the surrogacy process. Hence, you must make sure that the clinic is offering all these services in their package.

Financial Issues

Although Greece offers more reasonably priced surrogacy than many other nations, it is still a major financial outlay. Knowing all the possible expenses is absolutely vital: Medical Costs: These cover prenatal care, IVF treatments, and any required pregnancy medical interventions. Apart from that, you must always keep an emergency fund in order to check with the sudden requirements of the pregnancy procedure. That way, you can manage the expenses without getting anxious and stressed regarding the entire situation. Legal expenditures: You will have to budget for legal expenditures including the cost of drafting contracts and court fees since Greek surrogacy regulations call for legal processes. Moreover, the fees paid to the legal professionals needs to get considered in the process. At the same time, make sure the surrogate has insurance and make plans for any unanticipated expenses that might come about during the pregnancy or delivery.

Emotional and Psychological Issues

Surrogacy is an emotional path as much as a legal or medical procedure. So while going ahead regarding your surrogacy journey in the country, do know that developing a good relationship with the surrogate is vital in every aspect. Moreover, clear communication and mutual understanding can help to smooth out the road for all those engaged. On the other hand, make sure your emotional support is strong all through the procedure. One can find this from friends, relatives, or professional therapists. Given the complicated surrogacy laws in Greece, one needs competent legal representation. A surrogacy attorney can help negotiate the legalities, making sure all documentation is in order and the process follows local rules. Undergoing surrogacy abroad calls for an awareness of and appreciation for the local culture. Though most Greeks are friendly and family-oriented, it is nevertheless crucial to be aware of and attentive to local norms and behaviors.

Final words

Do know that initiating a surrogacy journey within any newer country comes challenging at times. Although beginning your surrogacy path in Greece can be an interesting and rewarding experience, it calls for considerable preparation and thought. Understanding the surrogacy regulations in Greece, selecting the appropriate surrogacy clinic in Greece, getting ready for the financial obligations, and considering the emotional elements can help you to build the basis for a good and satisfying surrogacy experience. Recall that a good surrogacy journey depends on careful preparation and developing positive relationships among all the participants.

Source: https://surrogacycare.blogspot.com/2024/06/what-challenges-you-may-encounter-while.html

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Here are some good things that happened in 2022!

January:

Canada bans conversion therapy

Greece allows gay men to donate blood (for the first time in 45 years!)

Israel legalizes surrogacy for gay couples

People in Switzerland are now able to legally change their gender without having to undergo surgery first

February:

New Zealand bans conversion therapy

Nonbinary people in Columbia are now entitled to a birth certificate with a "nonbinary" sex marker

Nayarit (Mexico) allows same-sex couples to adopt

Kuwait overrules a law that has been used to criminalize transgender people

Jowelle de Souza makes history as the first openly transgender parliamentarian in the Caribbean (Trinidad and Tobago)

March:

Chile legalizes same-sex marriage

 France removes the deferral period for gay men donating blood

The United States announces an overhaul of TSA protocols to implement gender-neutral screening at checkpoints

Wales (United Kingdom) bans conversion therapy

Kristin Crowley makes history as the first openly gay (and the first female) chief of the Los Angeles Fire Department (United States)

Diana Zurco makes history as Argentina’s first openly transgender newscaster

April:

Santa Catarina (Brazil) now allows nonbinary people to change their gender marker without having to file a lawsuit

Jalisco (Mexico) bans conversion therapy

The United States issues the first passport with a nonbinary gender 'X' option

May:

Greece bans conversion therapy

Lithuania allows gay men to donate blood

Croatia allows same-sex couples to adopt

Austria removes the deferral period for gay men donating blood

June:

Hidalgo (Mexico) now punishes people offering conversion therapy with up to 3 years in prison

Quebec (Canada) allows people to be classified as a parent (rather than a mother or father) on their child's birth certificate

North Carolina (United States) no longer demands proof of surgery from people who wish to change their gender marker

Spain prohibits employment discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, gender identity or HIV status

Kamala Harris made history by hosting the first Pride Month reception by a sitting vice president at their residence (United States)

July:

Switzerland legalizes same-sex marriage

Antigua and Barbuda legalize "same-sex behavior"

Andorra decides to legalize same-sex marriage (the law will come into effect in 2023)

Slovenia legalizes both same-sex marriage and adoption

Ariana DeBose makes history as the first queer woman of color (and the first Afro-Latina) to win an Oscar for acting (United States)

August:

India expands the definition of family to include "queer relationships"

Chile equalizes the age of consent

In Saint Kitts and Nevis, same-sex activity is no longer illegal.

Vietnam declares that homosexuality is not a disease and bans conversion therapy

Ellia Green makes history as the first Olympian to come out as a trans man (Australia)

September:

In India, the State Medical Councils can now take disciplinary action against doctors who provide conversion therapy

Cuba legalizes both same-sex marriage and adoption

 Durango (Mexico) legalize same-sex marriage

Canada removes the deferral period for gay men donating blood

Kim Petras and Sam Smith make history as the first openly transgender woman and the first openly nonbinary person to reach number one on the Billboard Hot 100 (United States)

October:

Latvia allows civil unions for same-sex couples 

Paraguay bans conversion therapy

Byron Perkins makes history as the first out football player at HBCU (United States)

Duda Salabert and Erika Hilton make history as the first two openly transgender people elected to the National Congress of Brazil

November:

Singapore decriminalizes gay sex

Singapore also lifts censorship of lgbt+ media

Hidalgo becomes the first state in Mexico to recognize nonbinary people

Ireland removes the deferral period for gay men donating blood

December:

 Barbados legalizes "same-sex acts"

Here is to more good news in 2023!

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[waitmyturtles]

(Source)

The Lower House (House of Representatives) will be hearing Thailand’s marriage equality bill at 9:30 am Bangkok time (10:30 pm Eastern for those of us in the States). The bill, if passed, would still have to be approved in Thailand’s Senate.

(Source and source)

Below the fold is Bloomberg.com's report on the happenings (source):

Bill to Legalize Same-Sex Marriage in Thailand Heads to Parliament

Bill is supported by most major parties, needs king approval

Thailand would be first in region to codify marriage equality

By Patpicha Tanakasempipat, March 26, 2024 at 2:00 PM PDT

A bill to legalize same-sex marriage could face a vote in Thailand’s parliament as early as Wednesday. If it passes, the country will be the first in Southeast Asia to establish marriage rights for gay and lesbian couples.

The House of Representatives will take up the legislation, technically an amendment to the Civil and Commercial Code, for second and third readings when it meets at 9 a.m. Lawmakers may vote later in the day.

The bill would legalize marriage for same-sex partners aged 18 and above, along with rights to inheritance, tax allowances and child adoption, among others. Prime Minister Srettha Thavisin’s administration has made it a signature issue, and advocates say it would also burnish Thailand’s reputation as an LGBTQ-friendly tourist destination.

Taiwan and Nepal are the only places in Asia that currently recognize same-sex marriage, and recent efforts elsewhere in the region have had mixed results. Hong Kong has yet to comply with a 2023 court order to establish laws recognizing same-sex partnerships, and India’s Supreme Court refused to legalize same-sex marriage, saying it’s an issue for parliament to consider.

The Thai bill would change the composition of a marriage from “a man and a woman” to “two individuals,” and change the official legal status from “husband and wife” to “married couple.”

Thai laws have protected LGBTQ people from most kinds of discrimination since 2015, but attempts to formalize marriage rights have stalled. In 2021, the Constitutional Court upheld the law recognizing marriage as exclusively between a man and a woman. Last year, a bill to recognize same-sex civil partnerships failed to clear parliament ahead of elections.

Rights advocates have higher hopes for the bill pending now, noting that it has broad support from most of the major parties. If it passes, it will need to be approved by the Senate and endorsed by the King. Then it would be published in the Royal Gazette and take effect 120 days later.

Srettha’s government has also promised to work on a bill to recognize gender identity, and the health ministry has also proposed legalizing commercial surrogacy to allow LGBTQ couples to adopt children. Thailand is seeking to host the WorldPride events in Bangkok in 2028.

Legalizing same-sex marriage could have positive effects on tourism, which contributes about 12% to the nation’s $500 billion economy. In 2019, before the pandemic froze international tourism, LGBTQ travel and tourism to Thailand generated about $6.5 billion, or 1.2% of gross domestic product, according to industry consultant LGBT Capital.

Formal recognition could boost the reputation of a place already considered one of Asia’s best for LGBTQ visitors, said Wittaya Luangsasipong, managing director of Siam Pride, an LGBTQ-friendly travel agency in Bangkok.

“It will become a selling point for Thailand and raise our strength in the global stage,” Wittaya said. “It will create a relaxed and safe atmosphere for tourism and help attract more and more LGBTQ visitors. We could also see more weddings by LGBTQ couples, which could generate income across industries and local communities.”

[coochiequeens]

'There are wonderful surrogates but the system is also allowing ­others to take advantage.' Says a woman who exploited another woman

Twins? No, but this couple's baby boys were born just five months apart after a terrifying tale that raises grave questions about modern-day surrogacy

Cáhan and Cómhan Kilgannon look to the outside world like they are twins

But pair from County Fermanagh, Northern Ireland were born five  months apart 

Parents Kiara and Stevie conceived naturally just after using a surrogate mother 

By JENNY JOHNSTON FOR THE MAIL ON SUNDAY

PUBLISHED: 17:16 EST, 18 February 2023 | UPDATED: 17:16 EST, 18 February 2023 

Snug in their double buggy, peeking out with matching, adorable blue eyes, Cáhan and Cómhan Kilgannon look for all the world like twins as they enjoy a stroll with parents ­Stevie and Kiara.

'When we are out in shops, people assume they are twins,' says dad Stevie. 'When they were younger and the size difference between them more noticeable, we'd explain that there was actually five months between them.

'But you could see people doing the maths and getting confused.'

Cáhan (it means 'little battler' in Irish) is 15 months old, while his brother Cómhan (meaning 'twin') is ten months. 

And there is a fascinating and heartwarming reason for the age discrepancy. 

Biologically, Cáhan is Kiara's and Stevie's child, conceived through IVF using her egg and his sperm, and born via surrogacy after Kiara had been told she would never carry her own child.

The couple opted for an increasingly common surrogacy route – delighted to find a stranger who effectively offered them her womb. 

Stevie says: 'We explained it to family and friends as 'our bun, her oven'.'

Yet five months into the surrogate's pregnancy, the 'impossible' happened – Kiara became pregnant herself. Entirely naturally. 

'The doctors – we'd been to them all, even an expert in the US – said it simply wasn't possible for me to carry a child,' she explains. 

'When it happened, we couldn't believe our double miracle. The boys will be in the same class at school, so we have years ahead of having to explain why they appear to be twins, but aren't.'

At their home in County Fermanagh, Northern Ireland, this couple's joy is palpable

So too, though, are more com­plicated feelings. It turns out their 'surrogacy journey' was anything but joyful. 

Indeed, they're speaking out today because they want to warn other couples – 'who may be as desperate as we were' – that the whole experience can push you to the edge.

The reality of their situation is that the relationship with their surrogate broke down during her pregnancy. 

They even feared she would abort their child. 

'It was a real worry – later confirmed when she posted on social media that she'd con­sidered a termination,' says Kiara. '

At another stage she threatened to keep our baby if a whole list of requests that had never been mentioned before were not met.'

It sounds as if everything that could go wrong with the surrogacy agreement – 'a piece of paper that is legal but not legally binding', says Stevie – did.

Petty disagreements, mostly about money, escalated to the point where they were consulting lawyers and trying to get mediation.

'In the process, she cut us off, blocked us from messaging her, refused to allow us to go to scans, which she'd previously said we could attend. 

'She told midwives and hospital staff – who deal with surrogacy arrangements all the time, and had been wonderful about making us feel part of it – not to include us.

'In the weeks coming up to the birth, we had moved over to England, where she lives, to be in place for the birth. Yet for that full four weeks we had no contact with her.

'We had no idea if she would even hand him over when he was born. We discovered – the hard way – that biological parents have no rights,' Stevie recalls.'

Kiara – pregnant during the latter stages of this delicate process – was distraught. 

'My pregnancy was deemed high-risk and the ­doctors said I must I avoid stress.

'But I could not have been more stressed. I thought I was going to lose both babies.'

It is very rare for a couple to be in this situation – and also uncommon for a couple who have had a 'successful' surrogacy journey to talk about the pitfalls. 

They can share their story now because, in December, a court granted them a Parental Order, giving them full legal res­ponsibility for Cáhan.

In any surrogacy situation, there is a period of some months when the intended parents are in a legal limbo. 

Although Stevie was even­tually named on Cáhan's initial birth certificate – they had no birth certificate at all for him for several months – Kiara was not, as the surrogate is always the mother, by law, until a Parental Order is granted.

Issues such as who is authorised to make medical decisions can be contentious – but in amicable surrogacy arrangements, these things can be agreed and made workable. 

The frustrations were made all the more difficult with two babies in the mix.

Kiara says: 'It meant we were in this ridiculous situation where I could get treatment for Cómhan, but with Cáhan, Stevie had to do everything.'

It has long been accepted that the law surrounding surrogacy in the UK, which has not been changed in 40 years, needs to be updated, but a much awaited review by the Law Commission has been delayed. 

Meanwhile, the number of couples using surrogates has quadrupled over the past ten years.

Commercial surrogacy is banned in the UK, but surrogates can be paid reasonable expenses, which Stevie and Kiara believe has 'led to commercial surrogacy under the table'. 

Stevie, who works in the justice system, says: 'It would be more transparent to allow commercial surrogacy because, as it stands, there are no rules about what constitutes reasonable expense. We came to feel we were cash cows.

'Our surrogate alerted us to a chipped windscreen on her car, and we paid for a replacement tyre. 

'She charged us £1 for an envelope to send a scan picture and refused to post it until the money was in her account. 

'It all got incredibly petty, but when we asked for documentation for expenses over the agreed figure, she cut contact.

'We discovered surrogates advise each other about how to push their expenses up. 

'One couple even paid for a gardener to mow their sur­rogate's lawn – then learned she had no grass. 

'Surrogates even discuss charging for slimming club memberships, spa treatments, even car valeting after vomiting in the car because of morning sickness.

'This is not about money – we paid our surrogate expenses of about £15,000 but we'd have paid much more from the off if the pro­cess had been fair. 

'Our point is that we felt held to ransom.

'There are wonderful surrogates but the system is also allowing ­others to take advantage.'

See rest of article

[prolifeproliberty]

Hi! Just a question as I don't know much about this matter. Do you think that surrogacy by itself is wrong? I know that is used and promoted for all the wrong purposes and can be connected to eugenics (especially today) but are any reasons that make it wrong by itself? Couldn't we say it's an alternative to adoption for example?

Short answer: yes

Long answer: Calling surrogacy an alternative to adoption misses the reason why adoption is a good thing.

Adoption is not a good thing because it provides a child to an infertile couple. Adoption is good because it makes the best out of a situation with no good answers.

It is not good to separate a child from their biological parents. In an ideal world, we want children to be born to a married mother and father who work together to raise the child. That is the best case scenario.

Adoption - separating the child from their biological parents - comes in when the alternative is worse. A single mother who feels she can’t raise her child, for example, may choose adoption so that the child can have a mother and a father, even if they aren’t the biological parents. For another example, a child adopted from foster care is removed from an abusive or neglectful situation and put in a loving, caring home.

Adoption isn’t good on its own, but it is good because it saves the child from a worse alternative.

Surrogacy doesn’t do that. Surrogacy creates a situation where the woman carrying the child is both the child’s mother and not the child’s mother at the same time. In most cases, the child is an IVF embryo implanted in the surrogate (and I’ve talked at great length about the reason IVF is immoral - we can rehash that if needed), and so the child is not genetically related to the surrogate. And yet the child is carried in the surrogate’s womb, and a bonding process happens. Then the child and the surrogate, who went through the natural process of mother-child bonding that happens in pregnancy, are ripped away from each other almost immediately after birth.

This is not done to save the child from some unavoidable worse situation. It’s done to provide a childless couple with a child.

Infertility is an awful, painful thing. But infertile couples don’t have the right to put their desire for a child above the well-being and safety of that child.

IVF (which is almost always used in surrogacy) inherently endangers the children it creates. Surrogacy intentionally bonds a child to a woman who will not raise him or her. Altogether, surrogacy treats children as a disposable commodity, where the ultimate goal is the couple getting their ideal amount of children, regardless of how many embryos die in the process or what the effects on the surviving children are.

Summary: Adoption is (supposed to be) about the best interests and well-being of a child. Surrogacy is about the interests of the couple who pursues it, regardless of the interests and well-being of the child. They are not the same.

(And as you said, this isn’t even getting into all the exploitation and eugenics issues)

[haggishlyhagging]

On the level of political theory, it is my contention that so long as "liberty" claims remain central to the political agenda of western liberalism, feminists and civil libertarians will remain locked in conflict. This contention has two aspects. First, I contend that not only do women presently have less "liberty" than do men in the liberal state, but that men have never been able to imagine "liberty" without assuming the oppression of women. If there were no women (socially or sexually), then men could not experience that state or condition they call liberty. Second, contemporary attempts to achieve the liberal ideal—the perfection of "liberty"—cannot be accomplished without the continued subjugation of women, and in particular, without such subjugating practices as rape, so-called surrogacy arrangements, pornography, and prostitution.

The concept of liberty was originally devised by men during the bourgeois revolution that began in Europe in the 1600s. The purpose of the bourgeois revolution was to promote wider distribution of political and economic power among male members of the state: in effect, "liberty" was a theory of affirmative action for nonaristocratic men (Kathleen Lahey, 1983). Early liberal theory is sometimes described as antipatriarchal, since it rejected feudal patriarchy as the organizing basis of the social order. However, this antipatriarchalism did not extend to the organization of the family or to the status of women, either within the family or within the larger social context (Zillah Eisenstein, 1981). Although newly formulated liberty claims legitimated egalitarianism among males, these liberty claims depended upon the continuing inequality of women to make liberty meaningful for men.

Support for this reading of early liberal theory is not difficult to find. The practices of the Marquis de Sade, which continue to define the essence of liberty for contemporary civil libertarians ranging from Susan Sontag to Larry Flynt, included rape, sexual torture, pornography, and prostitution. Sexual practices and preferences of libertarians aside, political economists such as John Locke conceptualized property and liberty in a way that assumed the continuing male appropriation of women's productive and reproductive energies, and treated as reductio ad absurdum any suggestion that women should be treated as equals or as self-determining persons in the emerging liberal state (Kathleen Lahey, 1983).

Indeed, if the ability to engage in economic and sexual exploitation is the essence of the liberal bourgeois revolution, then women can only now be said to be emerging from feudalism. And not surprisingly, our bourgeois revolution looks a lot like the last one. Women now can—and do—play the Marquis to our sisters, whether we are lesbian or heterosexual women, inflicting pain on others for our own (and allegedly for their) sexual gratification, all in the name of sexual freedom. Women now can—and do—purchase the reproductive capacities of other women, in the name of freedom of contract. Women now can— and do—defend our rights to serve (or even to become) pimps and johns, in the name of freedom of choice. Women now can—and do—define equality as men's rights to everything that women have—including pregnancy leave, child custody, and mother's allowances—at the same time that they define women's equality claims—such as the claim that pornography harms women—as infringements on the principle of freedom of speech or expression.

In our liberal moments, we women—along with all other civil libertarians—are busily engaged in justifying the continuing inequality of some women on the basis of sex; romanticizing emotional independence as the defining core of individualism; eroticizing instrumental rationality as the way to get off sexually; and identifying "the state," rather than male supremacy in its entirety, as the source of our oppression.

-Kathleen A. Lahey, “Women and Civil Liberties” in The Sexual Liberals and the Attack on Feminism

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️

I need more!

Hell yeah! 1k for impending Buddie daughter:

---

“Because it matters, Eddie!” He insists. “This is going to be her space, so… I want it to be a constructive one.”

“Constructive?”  Eddie asks.

“Yeah,” Buck nods. “Like, the right space for her, you know?”

“How can we know what that is before she’s born?” Eddie asks. 

“That’s what I’m saying!” Buck huffs.

“Well, unfortunately, she needs a place to sleep whether we know her personality or not…”

Okay, well… Duh. Buck knows that much. 

“What if we pick something pink and super girly and she’s, like, not that kid. And then her first memories are in a super girly room, and she thinks we were trying to, uh, force her into a stereotype?” Buck challenges.

Eddie blinks. “Uh… Paint her room blue then, Buck. I don’t care. We just need to pick something.” 

“Well, what if that isn’t right, either?” Buck asks. 

Eddie sighs. “Okay, how about this? We paint it literally however you like, and then when she’s four months old, we politely ask her for her feedback?”

Buck glares at him. “You’re not funny.”

“I think I might be.”

“Our daughter’s sense of security in her own home is on the line and you’re making jokes,” Buck chides. “Cute.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. He turns and calls down the hall.

“HEY, CHRIS!”

“YEAH?” Chris calls back from his bedroom. 

“Do you remember your nursery from El Paso? When you were a baby?” Eddie asks.

“Obviously not!” 

Eddie gives Buck a self-satisfied look.

“Okay, well…” Buck trails off. 

“Do you know what his nursery looked like?” Eddie asks.

As Chris said, obviously not. 

“It looked like we were constantly strapped for cash,” Eddie says. “Which we were. And he’s totally fine anyway.”

Buck sighs. “I see your point.”

“So pick something,” Eddie advises. “I don’t even care what it is, because I know it’ll be nice. Whatever it is, she’ll be fine.”

“Ugh, you’re right,” Buck concedes.

“I know,” Eddie says. “If you don’t pick a direction by the end of the week, I’m just going to start buying stuff, okay?” 

Buck scowls. “I suppose that’s valid.”

☆☆☆

While Buck fights the easiest battle in the history of all battles - choosing a damn paint swatch - Eddie waits for the inevitable to happen. Not the baby being born. Though there is that. No, what Eddie is waiting for his parents to try and get involved. 

Because, they will. He knows they will as soon as he calls them - individually now, of course - and tells them about the adoption. Their divorce means it’s going to be different than it was with Chris. They can’t team up against him. They’re alone and he has Buck. He’s in a way more stable place. This child is very intentional and they are prepared. But that doesn’t mean they won’t fucking try to… Eddie doesn’t know. Undermine him?

Things have been a lot better with his parents lately. Especially since the wedding. They didn’t have anything negative at all to say when he announced they were planning on having another child more generally. But he can already feel it starting when it comes to their very near adoption. 

“Ah, that’s too bad my sister did that,” Ramon sighs a little when Eddie explains the situation to him. 

“What do you mean it's too bad?” Eddie asks. 

“I thought the surrogacy plan was a good one,” Ramon says. “So there’d be another little Diaz out there.” 

Eddie feels a stab of irritation. 

“Dad, that’s still what she’ll be. Blood or not, she’s going to be my daughter.”

“It will be interesting to see how she turns out,” Ramon says. “I’m sure you and Buck will do a fantastic job, though.” 

The conversation with his mother is just as annoying - maybe more so, actually - but in an entirely different direction.

“I am glad you’re going with adoption, Eddie,” Helena sighs, relieved, when he tells her. “I was very worried about the effect of egg donation on your sister. It was a big ask.” 

“Well, Mom, it was her idea,” Eddie says. “I didn’t actually ask.”

“This just works better,” Helena says. 

Eddie doesn’t feel the need to point out that Adriana has already said they can come to her again if they ever need or want to. 

“Well, we’re really excited for October,” Eddie replies diplomatically. 

“Of course you are. It’s very exciting. What day should I plan a visit out?”

“Uh… I’m not sure yet. We’re probably going to play it by ear. Sometime in November? Maybe Thanksgiving?"

“Thanksgiving? She’d be a month old.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says. “She would be. We want some time to settle into a routine with her, you know?”

“For other visitors, I completely understand. But, Edmundo, I'm your mother. I could come sooner and help you both out. You may need it.”

Oh, god no.

No, he does not want that. 

“That’s really kind, Mom,” Eddie says. “But I think Buck and I can handle it. We have lots of help nearby, too, if-”

“Well, no offense, but you don’t exactly know that, do you?” She presses. “Neither of you has ever cared for an infant.”

Eddie feels the barbs behind her words. She’s calling Buck inexperienced. But she’s reminding Eddie that he has failed before. She’s reminding Eddie that he needed her once. Suggesting that he’ll need her again.

Yeah, this is way more annoying than the call with his dad. 

“We’ll be just fine,” Eddie says tensely. “We have a lot of people here who have raised babies. Buck’s sister is close by.”

He hopes that stings to hear, too. As petty as that sounds. 

It must, because she takes a second to answer. 

“Well, Eddie… I’d just hate to see you get overwhelmed. Think of how hard that would be for your husband.”

Eddie’s back tenses. 

“I have to go,” he says. “I’ll keep you updated on the baby.”

“Eddie-” 

He ends the call.

[bluedalahorse]

Young Royals, parenthood, and reproductive autonomy (a meta I guess)

Especially with season 3 approaching, people talk a lot about whether or not Wilhelm will accept or reject the throne. This is often framed in terms of Wilhelm’s love for Simon, as well as his ability to own and express his queer (albeit as of yet unlabeled) identity. We also discuss this in terms of what sort of symbolic leader Wilhelm could be for Sweden.

There’s one question I want to add to the mix, when we consider Wilhelm’s future: to what extent is Wilhelm willing or eager to become a parent someday?

To build upon that a little further: to what extent is parenthood a choice for Wilhelm in a system where he is expected and required to father an heir, and probably a spare as well? What does his reproductive agency look like in that situation?

Now, I don’t want to turn this into a discussion of the reproductive mechanics of the line of succession. I know a lot of folks have speculated ways that can or can’t be addressed, and have talked about issues like surrogacy laws and adoption and whatever else. I also know there’s the possibility of the throne going to some relative or another. I’m not interested in that right now! Instead, I want to focus on the practical and emotional aspects of what it means for Wilhelm to contemplate future parenthood.

So let’s ask some more questions: does Wilhelm actually want children? If so, at roughly what age does he want kids? About how many kids does Wilhelm want? If he wants more than one kid, about how spaced apart does he want to have them? What are his views on how to parent? These are all questions that Wilhelm should have a choice to contemplate on his own, but likely won’t as long as he remains crown prince. The social norms of the monarchy likely dictate that becoming a parent happens at a certain time and pace, in a particular manner. Moreover there’s a certain prescribed way it has to all be presented to the public. Finally, Wilhelm knows that by having a kid while in the role as monarch, he would set that kid up for some of the same things he went through as a child, unless he takes extra care to break and dismantle toxic cycles. His child would be an heir to the throne and certain things would be expected of that child, the way they were of him.

The upshot of all of this is that YR raises questions about Wilhelm’s reproductive autonomy and future in a way we don’t usually get to see for cisgender male characters in teen dramas. (I would also say we get an intimations of this with August and Erik, as well—we’ve seen the way the royal court has exerted their influence over both when it comes to relationships and sexuality.) These kinds of conflicts and dilemmas usually only come up when they involve characters with uteruses. So it’s interesting to see the way that YR plays with this idea of reproductive autonomy, and extends the discussion.

Possibly a take that will bug some of my fellow fans, but I’m going to say it anyway: this is why I think Sara having a potential pregnancy or pregnancy scare could be on theme for season 3. I’m not saying it’s definitely gonna happen. What I am saying is that if it did happen, it would fit in with the show’s themes and dramatic questions as already established and would be more than just “drama.” (Drama in a program classified by its genre as a drama? You don’t say!) Sara would have to contemplate some of the same questions that Wilhelm contemplates about parenthood and parenting, and you could parallel their two arcs quite effectively. 

Now, obviously they would also be in very different situations with different things at stake. Wilhelm’s class situation and reproductive organs are naturally different than Sara’s, so they’re naturally going to experience this parenthood differently. Sara would also have to engage with this question on a bodily level, as she’d be the one carrying a pregnancy to term, and that is a nine month process that takes a lot out on the body even in “healthy” pregnancies. (Pregnancy tends to be tougher for people with autism, too.) Finally, Sara will have to think about her own parents a lot, and what she absorbed from them. What does it mean for Sara to contemplate parenthood when she herself is the child of an abusive relationship?

Now, I want to point out that we’ve also seen YR use this strategy of parallels between characters for exploring other issues. Felice and August both struggle with perfectionism and body image, but that plays out differently for them due to differences in gender, race, and family structure. Simon and Sara grapple with similar questions about relationships and being in love and season 2, but experience that differently due to gender, sexual orientation, and neurotype. Simon and August both struggle with trauma around fathers with drug addiction, that causes them to engage with drugs in unsafe ways (August mostly by using, Simon mostly by dealing), but we know they’ll be seen differently by others because of their class. And so on. Part of what YR does so well is the way it shows how human beings can hold experiences in common, but still be divided in how they experience them based on systems that reinforce a social hierarchy. Paralleling Wilhelm and Sara around dramatic questions of future parenthood and reproductive autonomy could be really illuminating.

While I firmly believe that, if Sara has a pregnancy situation/pregnancy scare, Sara herself should be centered in that particular plotline, we also know such a plotline would likely involve August as the person who donated half the DNA of the fetus in question. Which then throws August’s arc into a suddenly very real and frightening place: he’s in a position where he could perhaps in the most basic sense fulfill the “destiny” ordered of him by the Society and by the machinations of the royal court members who want him as Wilhelm’s backup. (We know what that phone conversation he has with Jan-Olof is really about, and again I remain grossed out.) 

And yes, we also know that August has exercised his capacity to seriously harm others multiple times throughout seasons 1 and 2, and that he is about to be in serious legal trouble for leaking the video. Even without that, what would it mean for him to have to think about these questions of parenthood when he hasn’t fully processed the trauma and grief of losing his own father, or had a chance to heal his fractured relationship with his mother? Whether you come at the horror of August fathering a child from the angle of August as someone who has relentlessly hurt others, or from the angle of August as someone with deep, parent-related pain of his own and minimal support to navigate that pain, I think ultimately what we’re being shown here is the ruthlessness of monarchy as it relies on reproduction to keep itself going. Does it matter that an heir to the throne is loved and celebrated for who they are and given therapy for their trauma, as long as the heir exists, reaches adulthood, and one day produces another heir?

Which then opens up another question that I think once again applies to Wilhelm, and maybe Sara as well. If having children is a way to maintain and preserve status for the upper classes, what does that mean for Wilhelm? Can Wilhelm believe his mother loves him, if having children is more a mandate for someone in her position than a choice? This may be a question Wilhelm has to sit with, and it’s possibly something Kristina needs to sit with too. Has Kristina ever considered Wilhelm a loving choice she’s making, rather than a destiny? I think this would be a great opportunity to explore Kristina as a person, and not just as a royal or a mother.

Meanwhile, having children is expensive and consumes time and energy, and someone who is working class and autistic like Sara is going to have fewer resources to deal with this situation. Luckily, as someone who lives in Sweden, she has safe and reliable access to abortion (glaring at my own horrendous country here) which I imagine will be the option she would end up choosing in that kind of plotline. But that doesn’t mean she won’t have to stress over her situation or face gossip or even negative press attention because of it. Not to mention the way Sara’s own conscience may weigh on her, if she’s pregnant with the child of someone who harmed her brother, her (ex?) best friend, and other people so dramatically? Is there a part of her that would kind of want the child anyway, perhaps in another circumstance? What would it mean, to want that child? This sounds like something Sara and Linda could discuss, and maybe come to understand one another on.

Lisa once said one of the dramatic questions of Young Royals was whether or not people become their parents. If we are going to engage with that question, one way to raise the stakes around it is to make the question of parenthood and reproductive autonomy more real and urgent. Again, I’m not saying this will happen. This is not a season 3 prediction post. But I do think if it did happen, it would be in line with what we’ve seen from the series and its exploration of families and privilege.

[beapuffsimmer]

Relationship & Pregnancy Overhaul

A mod that adds more realism to sims romantic and platonic relationships with a focus on pregnancy as well.

This modules can be downloaded together but also work individually.

M1: Pregnancy & Family Preferences / Reactions / Impact

Sims will have prefernces regarding their want for children (wants children, neutral, does not want children).

According to their preferences, sims will have different sentiments and buffs regarding their children or eventual pregnancy.

M2: Fertility & Protection

Different sims will have fertility rates that affect how hard or how easy it is for them to get pregnant and there will be ways to control that fertility.

M3: WooHoo Transmitted Diseases

The sims will be able to get diseases that are transmited through woohoo. There are different buffs and social interactions available.

M4: Paternity Testing & Drama

Sims can discover who fathered their child, lie, tell the truth, rope another into marriage, reject offspring, and more.

M5: Teen Pregnancy & Gameplay

In which Teen Sims can freak out about being pregnant, make their parents freak out, get support or get kicked out…

M6: Temporary Separations / Relationship Breaks

Take a relationship break and try to figure things out before fully breaking up or reconciling.

M7: Cheating (Infidelity) Expansion & Overhaul

offers added features and possibilities revolving around cheating. Blame, forgive, lie about having ‘only flirted nothing more”, confess to cheating, tell a Sim your Sim slept with their partner… and more!

M8: Insemination & Surrogacy

A module that offers the possibility for Sims to get artificial inseminations, become surrogate mothers or have another Sim carry a baby for them.

M9: Adoption Expansion & Overhaul

Ability to put children up for adoption. Offers different ways to adopt children. Adopted sims are able to look for their biological parents.

M10: Custody & Permanent Separations

Decide Custody and send children on Custody Visits – all it requires is for Sims to have had a child together and live in separate homes.

M11: Termination of Pregnancy

In thisadd-on, Sims can terminate pregnancies, accompany spouses to pregnancy termination, and experience the myriad of emotions that such a difficult decision can bring – differently according to pregnancy preferences as chosen in Mod 1 of course.

M12: Pregnancy Side-Effects

An add-on that brings mood swings, cravings and back pain to Sim’s pregnancies, among other little things!

M13: Miscarriages & Pregnancy Loss

This add-on makes it so that Sims might have miscarriages and ectopic pregnancies.

M14: Pregnancy & Family Tweaks

Settings and tweaks for pregnancy and family life, such as disabling the pregnancy walkstyle the idle animation, etc.

M15: Romances & Friendships

Block romance or friendship between specific sims; control relationships; allow/disallow romanceless woohoo, ...

M16: Dating App: Meet&Mingle!

Online dationg profile: Customizable, relationship goals, blind dates, semi blind dates, picked dates, various filters, preferences, etc

M17: Charm & Chemistry: Attraction System

Personality & Life Factors based and / or style (physique) based.

[hellscape-halogens]

pardon the fuck ups in this, i literally made this in MS paint

but yeah if you think that me voting Kamala because I'm "afraid of losing access to hormones" while people in Palestine are being slaughtered en masse daily? YOU ARE ABOLUTELY RIGHT!!! BECAUSE THE REPUBLICAN PARTY WILL NOT STOP AT HORMONES!

While you're all LARPing as Guy Fawkes and Tyler Durden's hate fuck love child, disgracing the punk movement, and secretly eating McDonalds and Starbucks because "oh it's just a little treat," there are people who are afraid of getting their rights stripped! And actively are in the midst of that happening!

IN THE STATE OF TEXAS, THERE ARE $10,000 REWARDS BEING OFFERED TO PEOPLE WHO CAN "CATCH" TRANS PEOPLE USING THE "WRONG" BATHROOM. Yes it is "only one" city, but having family from Texas and knowing generally how Texas is, this is going to have statewide effects in no time at fucking all.

IN MISSISSIPPI (MY HOME STATE), I COULD GO TO PRISON IF I AM CAUGHT WITH TESTOSTERONE ON MY PERSON BECAUSE IT IS A CLASS THREE CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE. AND IF I GO TO PRISON, I AM A FELON. AND GUESS WHAT FELONS C A N T DO??? THAT'S RIGHT!!!! VOTE!!!!!

ABORTION IS BANNED IN OVER 50% OF US STATES. IVF IS ON ITS WAY OUT TOO. SURROGACY MAY BE ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK. AND BIRTH CONTROL!

If you are SO FUCKING HIGH AND MIGHTY that people who are worried about having their rights stripped away in their home country are less deserving of your compassion and community than people who are also going through an ethnic cleansing BUT HALFWAY ACROSS THE WORLD????

I'm not saying you shouldn't care about Palestine. You should. A lot. But when they're done coming for Palestine and the LGBTQ+ community, they will come for you too.

Now, I would not normally feel that I need to remind everyone of this poem, but I am going to.

First They Came by Pastor Martin Niemöller

First they came for the Communists And I did not speak out Because I was not a Communist Then they came for the Socialists And I did not speak out Because I was not a Socialist Then they came for the trade unionists And I did not speak out Because I was not a trade unionist Then they came for the Jews And I did not speak out Because I was not a Jew Then they came for me And there was no one left To speak out for me

[surrogacycare]

Is Independent Surrogacy Riskier? How to find the best Surrogacy Clinic?

Independent surrogacy, where intended parents and surrogate moms organize and oversee the surrogacy procedure without the mediation of an agency, can undoubtedly bring more risks compared to agency-led surrogacy. That said, understanding these risks and knowing how to discover the best surrogacy clinic can altogether affect the experience and end result of the surrogacy journey. Here’s an investigation of these points in straightforward manner.

Getting familiar with the risks of Independent Surrogacy

Legal Challenges: Without an agency, parties may come across complex legal issues themselves during gestational surrogacy in USA. This incorporates drafting surrogacy agreements, setting up parental rights, and understanding state or country-specific laws. That said, legal complications can lead to future debate or complications.

Issues related to coordination: Finding an agreeable surrogate or intended parents independently can be challenging. That said, without an agency’s screening procedures, there’s the next chance of disagreements in desires, values, or commitments.

Medical Coordination: In autonomous or independent surrogacy, planning medical strategies, such as IVF treatments, pre-birth checkups, and delivery plans, goes to the people included. This may be overpowering, particularly without earlier experiences of the parties.

Money related issues: Dealing with the money related viewpoints, including surrogate compensation, medical bills, and insurances, can be complex. Without an agency, there’s a more prominent risk of monetary elated assumptions or debate.

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Emotional and Mental Support: Surrogacy can be sincerely burdening for many around. That said, surrogacy agency in Argentina or any other country regularly offer counseling and support groups which may well be missing in Independent  surrogacy programs.

Quality and Security Concerns: Guaranteeing best medical and ethical guidelines all through the surrogacy process can be more challenging independently. This might influence the wellbeing and health of both the surrogate and the child.

How to go ahead while finding the best Surrogacy Clinic?

Choosing the best surrogacy clinic is vital for a secure and fruitful surrogacy journey. Here are few steps that you must consider in this direction:

Research and Referrals: Begin with intensive research related to finest surrogacy clinic in Colombia. Look for clinics with best experience and ratings. Moreover, referrals from friends, family, or healthcare experts can moreover be important.

Check Qualifications and experiences: Guarantee the clinic is authorized and its medical experts are well-qualified. Moreover, go for clinics with broad involvement in surrogacy-related elements.

Visit the Clinic: In case if it’s possible, visit the clinic in person. Moreover, this permits you to check through the offices, meet the staff, and get a feel for the clinic’s environment and approach.

Inquire about the success Rates: Ask regarding the success rates of the surrogacy clinic in Cyprus in relation with surrogacy and IVF treatments. Moreover, be cautious of clinics that guarantee unreasonably higher success rates.

Get familiar with the provided services: Check what services the clinic offers. That said, a few clinics offer comprehensive services, including legal and mental support, whereas others may center exclusively on the medical elements.

Assess Communication and support: Great communication is the key for any surrogacy agency in Argentina. That said, the clinic ought to be responsive, straightforward, and strong, giving clear information and tending to your concerns.

Ask questions about the Costs: Talk about the cost structure of the clinic. Moreover, inquire for a detailed breakdown of all potential costs, including any extra expenses which will emerge.

Check or ethical practices: Check about the clinic’s commitment to ethical practices in surrogacy. This incorporates how they treat surrogate moms and handle delicate issues like egg donation and embryo transfer process.

Inquire Around Medical Strategies: Ask about the medical procedures included, their risks, and how crises are dealt with. Also, guarantee that the clinic takes through the latest medical practices and security measures.

Check Lawful Compliance: The clinic ought to be well-versed within the legal angles of surrogacy and able to explore the legalities in your particular locale or nation.

Post-Birth Support: Check whether the clinic offers support after the birth of the child, including legal help for building up parental rights.

Individual Support: Eventually, select a surrogacy clinic in Cyprus where you’re feeling comfortable and upheld. Moreover, trust your instincts about the clinic’s environment and staff.

International Clinics: In the event you are considering international clinics, get familiar with the extra complexities, including legal, social, and travel contemplations.

Progressive Communication: Once you select a surrogacy clinic in Colombia, keep up open and normal communication all through the surrogacy procedure.

Final words

While independent gestational surrogacy in USA can be more hazardous due to the need of proficient direction and support, being well-informed and carefully choosing a proper surrogacy clinic can minimize most of the risks.  That said, it’s basic to approach the surrogacy journey with intensive research, cautious planning, and a clear understanding of the legal, medical, and emotional viewpoints included. Also, whether through an agency or independently, the objective is to guarantee a secure, ethical, and positive surrogacy experience for everybody included.

Source: https://surrogacycareservices.wordpress.com/2023/12/06/is-independent-surrogacy-riskier-how-to-find-the-best-surrogacy-clinic/

[erebusvincent]

…

The Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) industry—with its picture catalogues of men and women whose gametes are for sale, its lab-creation of batches of embryos for eugenic sorting, its “gestate-and-release” surrogacy contracts—exists to decouple child-creation from conjugal relation, to segregate gestation from enduring maternal relationship, and to make blood ties irrelevant to legal child custody and identity. The disintegration and fragmentation of persons, parts, and relations—and to subject them all to commercial negotiation—is the entrepreneurial essence and audacity of this technological regime performing a redefinition of human nature. In terms of its biotechnocratic and consumerist framework, the child comes into the world not naturally related to anyone, but only transactionally connected to the persons responsible for summoning him through purchase or technique, or other effort the law may ratify.

When the law permits and coordinates this commerce in persons, it teaches and ensures that the existence of a child is a legal problem for state resolution rather than a preexisting relational truth that obliges state acknowledgment and deference.

Moreover, for the law to discard the truth of the humanly defining relationality of the child to his forebears, in turn deprives law and society of the public premises that make it possible (for instance) to recognize and mourn the pitiable plight of orphans; to know that adoption mitigates a grievous loss; to justly condemn deadbeat dads; and otherwise to recognize a beauty and responsibility of care and support by a father and mother in view of their generative relation to their child. Each of the foregoing concerns is sensible only if the child is, ab initio, in a fixed relation that carries meaning and duties.

But the new legal model on offer proceeds by describing the child instead as a raw datum, ontologically isolated and absolutely individual—without a history and without a certain home—until the happenstance of a managerial adult choice intervenes.

This sort of mechanical-contractual and “gender-neutral” redesign of humanity invites a totalitarian political dynamic. For if the law now refuses to defer and conform uniquely to the authority of the natural family and its filial bonds, and instead redefines marriage and parent (and perhaps even male and female) to assign rigid equivalence in status to persons and relations that are, in fact, profoundly different, then a pristine legal positivism is enacted in which any sphere beyond state construction and command effectively disappears. When the individual is loosed from the natural family and its constraining certainty of relatedness, he (along with his now-contingent relationships) is instead comprehended exclusively within the uncertainties of political solicitude.

Thus, though this family redefinition is carried out under the banner of reproductive and sexual “rights,” instead of accomplishing a limitation on government power it becomes an instrument securing, in principle, the totalism of state jurisdiction. For on this account, parents are deemed provisionally accredited custodians, not naturally vested authorities.

As, on this telling, bodies are mechanisms, with the locus of personal identity present in subjective interiority, the embodied connections of husband and wife, mother and child, father and child are only empirical or mechanical—not meaningful and defining…

[coochiequeens]

72 and now a widow just trafficked a three year old across international borders.

Edinburgh man, 72, and deceased wife recognised as parents of surrogate child

An Edinburgh sheriff has granted a parental order which recognised a 72-year-old man and his deceased wife as the legal parents of a child born in the USA as the result of a surrogacy agreement.

An Edinburgh sheriff has recognised a 72-year-old man and his deceased wife as the legal parents of a child born from surrogacy.

The three-year-old was born on August 21, 2020, in Oklahoma. This came after a surrogacy agreement that the couple, who were in their late 60s at the time, made before the pandemic.

Following travel restrictions, the man and his wife were unable to travel to America. The child was cared for by a professional nanny.

They were brought back to Scotland in August 2021, and visited a nursing home where one of his parents was three times a week. The court understood that he recognised her as his mother.

The judgement noted that while the parents are "outwith the normal accepted range of parenthood", the father was described as "active and energetic". It was said that he had been enrolled in nursery, while boarding school options were being considered.

Factors such as the connection between the boy and his father, the effect on his identity, and the "legal rights he would have on her significant moveable estate" were also noted.

In her decision, Sheriff Wendy Sheehan said: “I do not consider that the petitioners’ failure to apply to the court for a parental order within six months should operate as a bar to their application. There are cogent reasons which account for the various delays in this application.

"A broad and flexible approach to interpretation of these proceedings should be adopted when this is necessary to secure the effective protection of the rights. That interpretation results being read down so as to read ‘At the time of the application and the making of the order (a) the child’s home must be with the applicants (or in the case of an application where an applicant has died and the application is brought on his or her behalf by the surviving applicant, the child’s home must be with the surviving applicant."

She also highlighted issues that may arise in future, such as appointing a guardian in the event of the father's death. She said that the child's welfare would be "gravely compromised" if the court made no order.

She concluded: “The lack of a parental order would result in a failure to recognise his genetic relationship with the first petitioner and would deny him the social and emotional benefits of recognition of his relationship with his parents with a legality that matched his day-to-day reality. A is well cared for and thriving in the care of the first petitioner. Overall, am satisfied that the orders sought will safeguard and promote his welfare and that it is better for him that I make a parental order than that none is made.”

[oshidorifuufu]

me researching the most random stuff like the effects of child abuse/trauma in adults, male lactation, baseball, the laws regarding the education required for high school teachers in japan, surrogacy, internalised homophobia, geography, PTSD, wether or not using a dog shock collar on a human will hurt them or not and much more in order to be accurate for my madd para's

[bacchant-of-dionysus]

Listen up, anyone considering egg freezing!

As of right now I am curled up with a cup of tea and a heat pack, recovering from surgery. So I thought I’d give you an overview of my experience as a trans man getting my eggs frozen to preserve my fertility before going on testosterone.

Why did I do it?

We never know what the future holds. While I doubt I will detransition, ever want to be pregnant or become infertile, there is a possibility of all three of these things happening. Preserving my eggs means I can still have children, no matter what happens.

I have a beautiful partner who preserved her sperm before starting estrogen three years ago. She only did it at the request of her mother, thinking that being seen as ‘fathering’ her children and watching her partner go through pregnancy instead of her would be too heartbreaking and distressing for her to cope with. She thought she would just adopt. After a couple of years of hormone therapy, she became more comfortable in her body, and is now desiring to have children with a partner - specifically me.

After meeting my girlfriend, I realised it wasn’t that I didn’t want kids; it was that I didn’t want kids alone, and I couldn’t imagine anyone ever loving me enough or loving someone else enough to have children with them. That all changed when I met her. I want to have children with her.

When it comes to adoption, only 1 in every 30 couples looking to adopt gets to adopt a child. This number is even lower for queer couples in my country. It is also now illegal to adopt from many places overseas due to corruption in the adoption industry.

I considered fostering, but after learning about the high rates of Aboriginal children taken from their families and placed in the care of white people, disconnected from culture, country and their people, I was horrified. 2% of the Australian population is Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander, yet over 40% of kids in foster care are Aboriginal. We are not past the Stolen Generations. Every year we apologise for something we are still actively doing to these kids and their families. I will play no role in that.

There is a part of me that wants biological children. It is present in many people and isn’t something to be ashamed of. Adopted children are absolutely their adoptive parents’ children. But I suppose there’s a part of me that wants my kids to inherit some of the things I love about my partner. I know this sounds selfish, but that is what love does to you sometimes.

Even if I did decide to go down the road to adoption, I don’t believe I am qualified to raise a child with severe trauma. All children who are taken from their families, even for the right reasons, are traumatised. Every child who feels abandoned is traumatised. I am disabled as it is and need help myself. Taking on the responsibility of raising a child who needs specialised support is something I would prefer to avoid if I can. Obviously all pregnancy comes with the chance that your child will have extra needs or accomodations, but I want to give myself the best shot at being a good parent that I can. This means waiting until I am absolutely stable and in a position to raise a child, and giving my child the best shot at being healthy.

What made me consider not doing it?

The dysphoria that the process would bring made me reconsider. I knew I would have to have a period first, then go through a series of hormone shots that simulated early pregnancy. I knew my breasts would get sore and that this may prevent me from binding. I knew that I would become bloated and almost look pregnant. I knew I would have extra estrogen, a hormone I did not want a lot of, running through my body.

The general side effects, disregarding gender dysphoria, were not going to be fun either. Bloating, nausea, soreness, mood swings, increased emotional sensitivity etc are not fun to deal with for anyone.

The likelihood of even finding a surrogate was low. Paid surrogacy is not legal in Australia, so it would have to be what is called ‘altruistic surrogacy’, or someone who chooses to carry the baby without being paid (though their hospital bills are covered by the parents). My best shot at a surrogate at the moment is my own mother, but she is turning sixty this month. Many people I know or who are in my family would be at risk of suffering complications from pregnancy and I absolutely do not want any harm to come to the person who chooses to do this for us.

The scans were an inevitable but horrible reality. These scans, as it turns out, can be done trans abdominally if you push enough and go through doctors until you find someone willing. I did not know this. All my scans were trans vaginal. These scans feel invasive and can be painful, especially if you haven’t experienced penetration before.

A timeline of my experience (with the occasional picture):

Day 1: stopping Slinda.

The first day of my treatment I stopped taking my birth control pill. This had been stopping my periods for over a year.

Day 2-30

I felt horrible. It was like my system was being flooded with poison. I cried. I wanted to kill myself. My dysphoria was terrible. Around day 30 my period finally came, but it was weak and there was never a day of full bleeding. So we started toward the end of my very short cycle.

Day 1 of hormone shots:

I went to the pharmacy with my partner and a kind lady explained everything we needed to know about the injections I was going to take. We were given three types of medication: overleap, orgalutran and a trigger shot. The overleap stimulated the follicles, causing them to swell. The orgalutran prevented the eggs from being released. The trigger shot was to release the eggs. I took my first dose of overleap that evening, then again at 10am the next morning. I took overleap at 10am each morning for around 30 days. I started on a dose of 75mls, as I was young, healthy and fertile, and they didn’t want to risk OHSS (ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome).

Day 7:

By now I was feeling pretty awful. The stabs weren’t too bad, but they stung occasionally. My partner injected them for me. I had started the orgalutran by this point. I had my first scan, which I had to travel an hour and a half for. The doctor doing the scan was male and not particularly sensitive to my situation. I shut down and cried afterwards and wouldn’t have sex for a week following due to severe genital dysphoria.

Day 14:

I had my second scan. This time it was with another male doctor who was much more gentle and kinder than the first one. I felt far more comfortable with him. The eggs still weren’t big enough.

Day 18:

I had my third scan, which was with the same nice man as before. I got the bad news via a phone call: my eggs weren’t responding to the medication, and they thought I should call off the shots and start again next cycle. There was no way in hell I was doing that, so I asked for another option. They said they could increase the dose of Overleap to 150mls. I thought about it for a while, and spoke with my mum, dad and partner for their opinions. In the end, I decided to double the dose and push on. They said in that case I would need to come down to be scanned by my main doctor, who worked in a city four hours from my home town.

Day 21:

we drove four hours to the city. By this time I was extremely bloated. We managed to do some nice things, like go out for dinner with my parents and try out a bagel place. I bought myself a new sweater, a wooden vest, and some fun socks.

Day 23:

My doctor scanned me for the fourth time. The eggs were responding well to the medication, but only two were big enough to retrieve. She thought I should wait another week and come down again, and hopefully they should be able to retrieve at least five eggs. She clearly thought we should start the whole thing over again because ‘I can do better than that’, but I was adamant that if this failed, I wasn’t trying again.

Day 27:

I began to question again whether any of this was worth it. I just wanted to end the process and move on with my life. I didn’t realise how close I was to the finish line. Every moment felt like hell. I was bloated and emotional and sore and I just wanted it to end.

Day 29:

We drove to the city again. This time we didn’t do anything fun. My girlfriend had to pull over halfway there and get picked up by my mum. She was exhausted and hadn’t been sleeping well from the whole process.

Day 30:

I was scanned by the doctor again. This time, it was immediately clear that my ovaries looked different. She counted ten on one side and didn’t bother to count the other side. I was ready for surgery the next day.

Day 31:

I went to the day hospital at 7:45am. My girlfriend wasn’t allowed in the waiting room with me due to Covid, so I was alone. As I was filling out my sheet, I noticed my gender had been marked as female. I asked if they needed my biological sex or my gender. As it turns out, it didn’t matter at all. I wondered why they bothered to ask if it was irrelevant.

In the nurse’s notes, a handwritten sentence was bolted with pink highlighter: ‘REFER TO AS MR [surname].’ I was glad they were trying, especially considering how gendered the surgery itself was.

I got changed into my cap and gown and a pair of grippy orange socks that I got to keep.

I then waited until the anaesthetist came to speak with me. He was slightly odd and a little abrasive, but I ignored this and made sure not to mention that my dad was an anaesthetist too. I felt like that would probably get us off on the wrong foot.

In the operating theatre, there was the same pop music playing as everywhere else in the hospital. The anaesthetist put a needle in he vein of my elbow, which I believe contained propofol. This wasn’t a general anaesthetic, just heavy sedation. They put an oxygen mask on my face. The last thing I remember was one of the doctors attaching a brace like prop for my legs to sit on. I don’t remember actually putting my legs on it.

It felt like no time had passed when I woke up. I assumed I was still in theatre until I was told otherwise. I vaguely remember having a weird sex dream. My dad tells me this is the propofol. My nose itched. The nurse laughed and blamed the fentanyl.

I was unusually chatty and bright, but my stomach hurt. They gave me some endone. This took the edge off.

They gave me a large triple choc cookie, some tea, and a glass of water. The first thing they told me was that hey managed to retrieve 28 eggs. I was ecstatic. I texted my girlfriend, mum and dad immediately.

Later, they told me that of those 28 eggs, 15 were mature enough to freeze and 3 more were almost mature enough and had been frozen too. I had essentially done two egg collections in one, and was at risk of OHSS. My girlfriend picked me up and drove us to the accomodation.

Day 31-33

Over these past few days I’ve been sore. It’s difficult to move without hurting my belly and lower abdomen. I’m still very bloated. The surgery itself had consisted of guiding a needle through the vaginal wall and retrieving the follicles from the ovaries, which were drained, and the eggs collected. The actual surgery site didn’t really hurt at all and there was minimal bleeding. The real pain is coming from where my swollen ovaries have been messed around, poked and prodded. They are also pressing on my bladder and uterus, so passing urine, gas and bowel movements can be painful. It also hurts to use my abdominal muscles for adjusting my position, laughing, hiccuping, yawning etc. I have to walk with slow, short steps.

Was it worth it?

Yes. Now that it’s over and i never have to do it again, I can safely say I am relieved to have preserved my fertility. Now I can move forward with my life: I’m seeing my hormone doctor on the 10th of may, who will prescribe me a low dose of testosterone gel. I can’t wait.

I would recommend preserving fertility if you can before medical transition. You never know what your future self might want, and self care is all about having compassion for your future self, even if it means sacrificing your comfort in the present.

Whatever you choose to do or whatever reason you are undergoing egg collection, know that you are doing something harrowing and brave.

After I have had my children (which will be a number of years in the future) I plan to donate the remainder of my eggs to those who need them on their own fertility journey. Knowing I’ve helped another couple or single parent build a family is compensation enough for what I’ve been through.

[theamazingannie]

Conservatives: Surrogacy is WRONG. You are allowing people to BUY a BABY and stealing it away from its MOTHER and putting her through COUNTLESS RISKS because pregnancy is HARMFUL and she gets NOTHING OUT OF IT except LIFELONG INJURIES and her baby STOLEN from her.

Also conservatives: No you cannot get an abortion! You NEED to gestate the baby. No, we don’t care about the risks involved to the birth mother. No we don’t care about the emotional effects of a long pregnancy and then giving away your child. If you don’t want it, just give it away to a loving family who wants it. You never have to think about that baby again and your body will bounce back from the trauma of pregnancy and childbirth. It’s what you are made for! That is your purpose! To birth children!!! (Just as long as it isn’t consensual and you don’t get paid for it.)