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Would You Still Love Me If I Was A Wyrm?
dragon au. yes
warnings: grief, suicidal thoughts, blood, brief mention of injury, death mention, swearing, this fic is Long
taglist: @autism-alley , @awkwardgtace , @tripodcat-gt
I bring the hammer down on the red piece of metal again and again, each strike lighting the room as a flash of sparks rain down from the weapon in front of me.
My name is Emelia Markov, Mia for short, and I’m a blacksmith. I’ve made all sorts of things at this forge, anything that my customers can think of; furniture, gates, tools, armor, even toys when needed.
Tonight it’s a sword, one that wasn’t requested by any client but one that I’ve been working on all the same.
Because I’m going to use it to slay a beast.
A beast that killed my friend.
Jax. A performer. A good one too. He’d move crowds of people with his voice, leave them desperate for more. I remember going to his shows when I could and seeing him sing, pace the stage like a caged tiger while bathed in the spotlight, the way the moon played off his clothes, it was incredible. And together we were happy.
Then one day he got an offer he couldn’t refuse. All he had to do was go on a little tour across a few nearby countries to help spread his name, reach more people. They promised it would only take about a month, two at the most and so he hesitantly agreed. He hugged me for a long time before he finally had to go. I remember that too. His arms around me while the captain shouted at him from the vessel. He was laughing and I was too.
…I tighten my grip and slightly readjust the hammer before bringing it down again.
But finally he got on that boat and I went back to the forge and a few days later, word started floating in that a boat was wrecked on some island somewhere out in the ocean. His boat. They sent a rescue team to search for survivors but not one of the members returned. Rumours rose and fell as public interest waned overtime until eventually the chatter died all together, leaving me with nothing but a handful of half baked stories of bloodthirsty monsters and the emotionless condolences of the marketing company.
But he’s been missing for over a year now and after so much time spent waiting and hoping for some kind of sign, that by some miracle he’d be okay, I finally realized it was time to take matters into my own hands.
I need to face the truth.
Jax is dead.
And whatever killed him will pay for what it did to him.
-
The island out there had grown quite a reputation in the time since Jax’s disappearance. Even hardened sailors tend to give it a wide berth when they set off. Bad luck, they say. And despite it all, I’m headed there now, nothing but a small rowboat, a sword and the general direction of the island pointed to me by a hesitant farer’s hand. Rowboat because she didn’t want her sturdier ships to be destroyed. Hesitant because my destination has a body count.
I can just see it in the distance now. What looks like a massive piece of land from what I can tell, the bump of what might be a mountain in the far distance as I fight against the tide. Waves lap against the sides of the boat and gulls lazily soar overhead as my muscles strain to drive the boat forward.
And it’s all so…peaceful. The sounds, the smells, the infamous island slowly drawing closer thanks to my efforts. I can make out greenery now, a beach ending in a dense forest, the aforementioned mountain stretching to the clouds. It’s all so beautiful.
Which I find more infuriating by the second.
I can still feel a blade resting at my feet, the weight pressing into me as the boat sways a constant reminder. This island, not the endless sea, the island, beautiful and serene as it is, somehow killed my friend. Killed a bunch of people from what I’ve heard. Anyone foolish enough to go near it was never seen or heard from again.
I need to be ready.
Truth be told, I’m not even sure what I’ll need to be ready for. Even now, as the tide starts pulling me in, strong enough to know there’s no point fighting it, I realize I have no idea what I’m actually doing. The sword was just precautionary, just something to do while I waited for news that never came. Just something to latch on to. Was it the island that killed people or was it something that lived on it? Was there some monster out there or was it just a random tragedy? As I try one last time to paddle away just to see if I can and the force of the currents driving the boat towards the pristine beach breaks the paddle in half with a swift crack, I realize I’m about to find out.
-
Once the boat reaches the beach, I take a few moments to look around but there isn’t much to go off of in terms of landmarks or really any kind of indicator of where I should start looking. No sign of the wrecks besides a few pieces of rotting wood littering the beach either. So after looking the huge stretch of sand a few times over to make sure I’m not missing anything, I turn to the forest, pick a direction and just start walking.
The sword weighs heavily by my side, bumping into my thigh with every step and occasionally getting caught in low hanging branches. To be honest, I’ve never welded a sword before. I’m a blacksmith, not a fighter. It’s almost ironic. I’d forged hundreds of blades but never once thought of welding one myself. If somehow something on the island did kill Jax then I wasn’t sure I would be able to hold my own against it. Still, I have to try.
Well, that or die trying anyway.
But I’ve been walking for some time now and there hasn’t been that much of anything. It’s frustrating but I can feel the tension start to leave my shoulders as minutes turn to what feels like hours.
The sun peaks and eventually the shadows start to grow long and still I keep walking. Trees start to blur into a green mass as exhaustion starts to take a hold of me and I’m not really sure which direction I came from.
Had I come to the wrong island? Cursed tides and that old lady and everything pointed to this being the place and yet…
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
The sun is starting to set and I’m still walking through a jungle, nothing but the occasional animal to startle me out of my thoughts. My legs are aching and the sword thumps painfully against me with every step. It’s going to leave a bruise at this point. Maybe it already has.
I’m starting to think of giving up, of why I even bothered coming here at all. Jax is dead. And nothing I do will ever change that.
Nothing.
My steps waver for a moment as I reach up and swipe at the tears forming in my eyes before letting out a shaky breath.
…
…what the hell am I even doing?
It’s almost night. I wasted a whole day just hiking through the woods with a sword strapped to my side like I was some kind of hero. Like if I killed a fucking dragon or something, everything would go back to the way it was before. As if…as if somehow any of this would ever…
God, I want to scream.
I miss him. I miss him so so much and I know it’s pointless but I need this. Some kind of control. Some kind of closure. I needed to come to the island that took my friend and do…something. Anything. Whatever it would take to change something. To feel something. Please why can’t I just-
SNAP
My head shoots up and I try to blink through my tears as I look around.
And I just manage to catch something darting through the bushes nearby.
Something big.
I’m up in an instant, sword awkwardly pulling me down before I start to chase after whatever it was.
This is pointless. I know that. For all I know, I just startled a moose or something. Based on what I’ve seen of this place so far, it’s more than likely that this island merely traps people with its weird currents and then starves them to death and yet
My heart races
I’m running, I feel like I’m soaring. My heart pounds and hurts and hopes and I trip over stray roots and push through branches that scratch my face and tear at my clothes and I’m running and I’m running and
I bust through a final patch of greenery and find myself staring down a massive black hole
I take a step back for a moment, my head spinning as I try to process exactly what I’m looking at.
…and it’s an opening.
The setting sun does little to light the absolute darkness in front of me but it’s a cave. A massive cave that seems to stretch on and on in every direction. And just beyond that lies the peak of the mountain.
A cave almost the size of a mountain.
That looks unreal.
That looks like a man eater.
I grip my sword a little tighter and after drawing a long long breath to steady myself,
I go in.
-
The orange light of the setting sun bathes the inner walls of the cave in a soft orange as I move forward slowly, quiet steps echoing in the massive space. The far wall of the cave is still shrouded in a heavy darkness so thick not even the sun can make a dent in it. A deeper hole from what I can tell, with this huge space only being the first chamber of what has to be an equally massive structure. It looks like I’ll have to spend the night here and then start exploring the deeper depths of the cave in the morning.
A glance around the first chamber reveals nothing else worth noting but all the same, I’m starting to feel like something is…off. The more I look around, the more my long slumbering survival instincts start to warn me. Warn me of what? I’m not sure. But soon I’m on edge, sword held out in front of me as I move through the empty space. It’s warm in here and I feel like it shouldn’t be. It’s dead quiet besides my steps but even then I feel my muscles start to tense up as if readying for something.
I keep moving for now, the grip on my blade getting tighter and tighter with each step. I can’t see anything out of the ordinary yet but still I hesitate. Something is changing. I take a shaky breath and listen carefully to the wind. The sound of the lazy breeze outside is…different. Persistent.
Rhythmic.
The breeze now lightly dances across my skin in time with it even though I swear the air was dead still when I first stepped in here. I keep walking and the change becomes more noticeable. The temperature around me rises, the wind gets stronger and the cave is no longer quiet. I’m trying to figure out what this could mean when the soft light of the sinking sun shifts against the back wall of the cave and I find I can no longer move, my legs rooted to the ground. My heart all but stops beating.
The back wall, what I thought was a gaping hole when I first came in shines in the light as it shifts slightly, the sun playing off of it as small tremors travel through the floor below me. I’m frozen as I stare at the thing, realizing with a rising sense of horror that what I thought was pitch black is actually a dark blue.
Something that moves in time with the rhythmic noise traveling through the cave.
It’s not a hole.
It’s alive.
The entire back wall of the cave is breathing.
And for a moment I find that I can’t move as I take the thing in. Whatever it is, it’s huge, a massive sleeping beast, its shimmering blue body stretching on and on and on in every conceivable direction and in that moment I suddenly realize that maybe the sword isn’t the best idea. The creature’s breaths blow over and over and over me like a gale and my vision starts to swim. I can’t even tell what I’m looking at here. It’s gigantic. And in comparison I’m…
I’m���
I take a step back.
Then another.
I want to run, to breathe, to fight, to do anything but I feel like if I take my eyes off of whatever this thing is for even a second, I’m dead.
There is a beast on this island. A beast that may very well have killed my friend. And now I don’t know what to do. I’m not a fighter. I’m not anything but…Jax. This thing killed-
Crack.
My eyes snap downwards and I see what takes a moment too long to register as a crushed branch beneath my heels.
And then everything ends.
Rrrrrr?
A noise echoes through the cave. So loud I swear I can feel it in my bones and I can’t, I can’t breathe. I can’t move. I can’t fight. I can’t I can’t I-
stumble once the ground starts to shake something awful.
As the massive wall of flesh in front of me starts to shift.
As something starts to separate from the mass and rises higher and higher and higher until it just brushes against the impossibly high ceiling.
As it opens its eyes and suddenly I realize I’m looking at a face.
I’m shaking now. Shaking as the thing cocks its weirdly bird-like head to the side as it takes me in.
As it sizes me up.
My vision swims as it makes another noise at me. So loud it rings in my ears and now the rest of the mass starts to rise and I think it’s getting up and its head starts to come down to see me better and it’s getting closer and I can’t stop shaking and I need to do something and the beast takes a step forward and I can’t fucking move and the resulting tremors knock me over and its head stops in front of me, eye so huge it takes up all of my vision, iris expanding like a black hole so it can see me better and I can see my reflection in its gaze and it makes a few more ear shattering caws and one of its talons draws nearer and nearer and it blinks and the rapid motion causes my head to spin and the ground shakes and shakes and shakes and
I feel something brush against my arm.
And just like that, everything stops.
My hand, raised, is slowly being coated in the blood that now trickles down the length of my blade.
My blade that is now in the air.
My blade that now lays embedded in the wall of what I can only assume is one of the creature’s fingers.
The massive eye blinks again and it’s audible in the quiet.
A few seconds passes in dead silence before it finally emits a new noise, long and low before slowly it withdraws its hand, blade still buried almost up to the hilt in it.
It watches me quietly.
Another monstrous caw, quieter.
And finally, after what feels like years of tense silence, the creature moves its head forward again before it opens what looks like a beak and moves behind me. Mind clouded by fear, I’m only vaguely aware of the odd sensation of my boots leaving the earth below. Of going limp in the open air. Of wind whipping at my face as the deep blue of the sea shines thousands of feet below. As we land with a jolt and after a moment I can feel the ground beneath me again. I stumble but for some reason I don’t fall.
I look up through a haze and see the beast watching me again, the last of the setting sun making it shine like a gemstone.
A moment passes in silence.
And then it’s gone.
-
I’m not a fighter.
I’m not a fighter but by God am I trying to be.
I’m back on the island, trying my best to avoid the beast as it lunges at me again. It’s not the ridiculously huge bird thing from before but all the same, I should probably avoid getting caught in its claws.
This time it’s some kind of lion, its wings flared and what looks like a scorpion tail lashing wildly as it skids to a stop and quickly rights itself, head low to the ground as it growls. The word ‘manticore’ sticks out to me as I stare at the thing and I hold up the shitty sword I threw together in two days, adrenaline and the ache from smithing making my hands shake and my breaths shallow as the thing narrows its eyes again, its pupils huge as it tracks my movement.
Once that bird thing dropped me off on the mainland, I knew I had to come back. I had too many questions. Why hadn’t the bird killed me? I woke it up and stabbed it in the hand and it just stared at me and carried me back to the mainland for my troubles. Did it always act like that or was I just lucky? And if it did, then what happened to Jax? What happened to the rescue team? If it didn’t kill Jax and all those other people then what did?
But now I’ve found myself another monster.
This thing fights back.
This thing is a man eater.
The manticore stays where it is for now, choosing to growl low in its throat as it watches me shakily take a step forward. I’d tried to attack this thing from behind when I first saw it but the blade was off balance and I missed, leading to…this. The blade tilts slightly as I take another slow step forward. Its tail lashes more and more as I approach. Another hiss from the beast as it crouches lower, readying itself. I feel my muscles coil in anticipation as I try to prepare for whatever it’s going to throw at me.
Its muscles tense, tail lashing wildly now.
Its eyes narrow as a small growl passes from between its snarling lips.
And then it launches itself at me and the sight alone makes me freeze up. Before I know it I’m on the ground, the wind partially knocked out of me as the beast rests one of its massive paws on my chest, pinning me down. It leans down and growls at me though its bared teeth.
I close my eyes, waiting for the pain but instead the beast just roars again, this time noticeably more distant. And once I finally bring myself to open my eyes, I see that the manticore isn’t even looking at me anymore, its gaze now fixed on the sky as it lets out another roar.
I almost start to wonder what it’s doing when a tremor shakes through the earth.
And then the sky is eclipsed by something massive.
I can feel my blood turn to fucking ice as I watch the sun dance across rows and rows of deep blue scales. The giant bird thing steps into view, its head and neck rising impossibly high over the treeline. It turns to watch me for a moment and I feel myself start to tremble under its gaze. But then it just turns to the manticore, releasing a few earth shaking caws and after a bit of back and forth between the two, caws and roars exchanged like they’re having a conversation, the manticore steps off of me and I immediately scramble away on my arms and legs before getting to my feet and holding my sword out defensively.
They both watch me in silence as my blade shakily points at each of them in kind but after a few seconds, they turn away to continue calling to each other and I get the distinct feeling that they’re trying to decide what to do with me.
I try looking for a way out of this while they’re distracted but with the bird and manticore so close by, I’m not sure what I can actually even do here. This is cemented by the fact that the moment I try to take a step away, both the manticore and the bird turn to me again, watching me as if making sure I’m not going to move any further before they go back to talking.
And it’s agonizing just standing here, the manticore not too far away and the shadow of the bird enough to cast the area in shadow. Each and every caw on the bird’s end shakes through my bones and soon I find myself trembling from the stress but finally, with a few short snorts the manticore turns and disappears into the dense treeline once more, leaving me alone with the bird.
I can feel the sword slip from my sweat coated fingers as the bird glances at me before a softer noise sounds, something like a chirp and I tense in response, almost feeling like it’s speaking to me directly now. I stay where I am, hands stupidly raised, grasping at nothing as something low and long comes from the massive thing’s throat and my breath hitches as I feel it shake the ground below me. It seems to be waiting for me to do something but I have no idea what it wants, my voice lost so I can’t even ask it.
There’s silence as we stare at each other before the bird utters a few more chirps, watching me for a moment longer before finally it ducks its head into the trees. I can feel myself freeze as I watch it approach but it just grabs my sword, slowly dragging it out of view before picking me up by the back of my shirt like it did before.
The ground disappears below me and I watch as the dense forest shrinks further and further until it looks more like large patches of grass on the ground. The scenery below passes in a blur as the bird’s massive talons take careful steps through the comparatively tiny forest and as I watch in horror, flinching every time one of its talons narrowly misses stepping on what must be a huge acre of trees, an equally terrifying realization soon hits me like a truck. If the massive, sprawling forest looks like that to this thing then…what do I look like?
The bird is on the beach in a few steps, its claws absolutely dwarfing the row boats I’d left stranded there and my heart dies a little at the sight. It easily steps into the raging currents before wind blasts all around me as its wings carry it into the sky.
The flight is brief and terrible and all the while I’m scared the thing will accidentally drop me but soon I can see the mainland come into view, the buildings at this perspective horrible before the bird lands on a secluded patch of land nearby and sets me down in the soft grass below. I keep my eyes fixed on the ground as it offers me an ear shattering chirp and I can feel its eyes on me for a long moment before, with a final tremor that knocks me off my feet and a few quiet squawks, the bird moves to leave.
And that’s when something snaps.
Despite the fear, my head swimming with what I just saw, I clench my teeth and force my eyes to look up at it. Because it was looking first. Because it felt important. And my heart just about stops beating when the bird pauses, turning its head slightly to meet my gaze. We stare at each other for a while, a low rumbling noise from the bird’s throat travelling across the landscape as it takes me in before it finally ducks its head down again, moving to gently nudge me in the stomach with its beak before pulling away. And something about the gesture, the way the bird is looking at me…
The bird turns to leave again after a moment and for a second I finally find my voice. “…wait!”
The bird starts, long neck bending to look at me over its shoulder and I find the weight of its gaze alone makes my voice die before I can say anything else. After a few moments of staring, the bird chirps a few times before it turns and launches itself into the sky once more, disappearing into the clouds in seconds.
-
Too many times now.
The next few weeks go by in a relative blur as trips to the island start to become more regular. There’s almost a routine to it now. Wake up. Go to the island. Find some creature. Try to attack it and instead start a fight. The bird thing shows up, my weapon of the day gets confiscated and I’m sent back to the mainland with a few monstrous caws for my effort. These last few days, I hadn’t even bothered to bring any proper weapons, choosing to grab whatever I could find collecting rust around the workshop before hopping on a boat and rowing over. Today it's a decorative trident I found rotting behind a pile of scrap metal. I can’t help but wonder how big the birds’ collection of tiny unusable weapons is getting.
And I know I’m in way over my head here, yesterday confusing a large snake thing by trying to fist fight it before being escorted home. I’m a blacksmith for God’s sake. But even then, I’m still alive. I think the beasts even know who I am now, choosing to roar or bark or make any noise they can whenever they see me so it attracts the attention of the bird and it carries me away again.
Once, I can chalk up to coincidence. I’ll even take two. Maybe they didn’t feel like killing that day or weren’t feeling particularly territorial or didn’t see me as a threat but now? This was getting ridiculous. It meant something. I’m not sure what yet but it did.
And the way the bird thing sometimes got once I was back on the mainland. Terrifying, yes but…just staring at me for long moments before it finally left, almost like it didn’t want to leave. And the way it nudged me that day, the way it looks at me, it seemed almost…I don’t know. Something about its eyes….
I put that thought in the back of my mind for now.
The boat fairer was being particularly difficult today, wanting to know what I was actually doing with all the boats she was renting to me since it couldn’t be that I’d come back from that wretched island so many times now. I just bit my tongue and paid the extra in ‘collateral’ as she put it before I was finally allowed on my way. The money wasn’t too much of an issue as it stood. I’d been saving up for a while now and the boats were dirt cheap. Though if this keeps happening, I’m going to have to try convincing the bird to carry the boats with me on my return trips.
The trip to the island is faster now that I know where I’m going. I jump off the boat once it hits the sand and walk up to the forest, picking another random direction before going in.
I’m only an hour in when I run into something this time. What looks like some kind of house sized dog with long horns sprouting out of its head and spikes running down its back sits quietly in a small clearing, looking like it’s just enjoying the sun. The manticore was doing something similar when I’d first encountered it and even then, it only started getting defensive after I’d taken the first swing. …I think I want to try something different this time. I watch the dog for a moment longer, look down at the rusty ornament in my hand, look back up at the horned dog’s teeth and then just walk into the clearing.
The dog’s ears prick up the moment I step inside and it raises its head to look at me, eyes unreadable. But besides regarding me in silence, it doesn’t do anything. Just like the bird thing. Just like the manticore probably would have. Just like all the other things here. I keep my pathetic weapon sheathed and take a step closer, watching as the dog’s head follows me silently.
There are a few teeth poking out of its mouth that look bigger than my head and my heartrate is steadily speeding up but I force myself to try and remain calm. I take another step closer and the beast only makes a small grunt of acknowledgement at the gesture, staring at me for a few moments longer before moving to lie down again, though careful to keep its eyes on me. It lets out a small huff as it rests its head on the ground and stares at me with what I can only imagine is disinterest as the sun beams down on it through the trees, its eyelids starting to droop in the relative peace.
I purse my lips. The dog isn’t a killer either.
I step out of the clearing and continue on, nerves still on edge from the experience. I just…I don’t understand. That’s yet another terrifying looking creatures down and none of them seem to have a taste for human flesh. Just how many are there on this island?
I find a gryphon lounging in a tree a bit later. I purse my lips as its sharp eyes meet mine, its ears on alert as it stares down at me.
“…have you ever killed anyone?”
The gryphon looks offended.
This is going nowhere. I’ve seen a few creature now but none of them attacked me on sight. Even the manticore, when it came across me again, let me off with a grunt. Why is everything on this island so damn non-hostile? Hell, why are there even mythical creatures here in the first place?
I come across a goddamn unicorn later in the day. And after watching it struggle to reach an apple hanging from a tree, I climb up there and get the apple down for it. A unicorn.
I feel like all this grief might be starting to get to me.
Still, eventually I find myself sitting on a piece of rotting wood overlooking the ocean, watching the turbulent waves tear apart a branch I threw in just seconds earlier. The sun starts to disappear below the ocean in the distance as the ache from walking starts to leave my legs.
And it’s almost…nice.
And then right on cue, the giant bird thing steps onto the beach, two of its huge talons landing on either end of the mass of land. My pulse shoots up at the resulting tremors but I stay where I am, squeezing my hands into fists to stop myself from shaking before I speak.
“Already time to go, huh?”
Nothing happens for a long moment before the ground starts to shake something awful. I don’t know what the bird is doing but I just brace myself and try to focus on the sunset. Its massive talons step into the surf before its legs seem to fold and with one final tremor that sends me skyward for a moment, the quakes die down and I swear I can just make out something hanging just outside my peripheral. There’s this heat radiating from behind and I force myself not to turn around, instead finally bringing myself to look up and see the underside of the bird’s head hanging high above me, looking out into the ocean as if it’s…watching the sunset too.
I feel my brows raise but don’t comment, turning back to the horizon and watching the sun sink beneath the waves with the giant bird thing. My heart is pounding horribly but at the same time…
…it’s kinda peaceful
Though it doesn’t last. Once the sun disappears and the sky turns a deep blue, the bird caws before it starts ducking down to pick me up. But before its beak can reach me, something occurs to me.
“Wait, wait.”
Surprisingly, the bird freezes, turning its head to the side to look at me again.
Wordlessly, I point to the literal pile of marooned rowboats on the shore.
-
I got my collateral money back.
-
…
Bad day today.
Waking up to a cold bed still somehow surprised me with the lack of another person. The boat fairer could see it on my face and didn’t even try to argue when I finally dragged myself to the docks to untie one of the boats and head on my way. I skipped breakfast, didn’t feel like eating right now. Less people were walking around town with the storm coming. The sky was grey as I sailed across the ocean, the waters more unwelcome than usual. And when I got to the island, even it seemed more lifeless. I…guess the creatures were all hiding from the storm too. I searched and searched half-heartedly for a few hours, didn’t even bring a weapon this time because what’s the point? I felt tired, more so than usual.
So now I’m here, sitting on an uprooted log I saw the big dog thing rip out of the ground a few days ago. I curl up as the winds start to pick up, biting back a small whimper as my throat starts to tighten.
Bad day.
Jax is gone. My best friend. My brain feels numb, draining me as rain starts to filter through the leaves overhead, as tears slowly start to slide down my cheeks. I move to hug my arms as the wind gets louder. What’s the point of all this? What’s the point of anything? Why did Jax have to die? Why couldn’t it have been me? How do I make the pain stop? How? Why can’t I…why can’t I…
A shiver runs through me as the wind picks up, slowly turning to a howl in the quiet.
A sob shakes my body as the rain gets heavier, the sound of water spilling through the leaves filling the air.
And now my head lifts in confusion as I finally realize something.
All around me, I can hear the rain falling, the sound of a torrent beating down on the greenery below.
But…I’m still dry.
Confused, I look up and have to bite back a yelp at the sight.
The sky, or rather what I thought was the sky shimmers slightly in the darkening light. Scales. The body of the massive bird thing standing over me, eclipsing the sky even as it maneuvers its long neck under its body to see me better. It offers me an earth shattering caw once one of its eyes finally meets mine and at the moment I’m too drained to even be properly scared.
“…hey,” I can barely manage to whisper but the bird cocks its head at me all the same. “You…” I take a moment to swipe at the tears on my face before I continue. “You caught me at a bad time but I guess you’re here to take me back? Time’s up already?”
The bird doesn’t respond to this at first. I don’t even know if it can understand me but a few moments later, it lowers its head to the tree line and I close my eyes, trying to brace myself for the still unfamiliar feeling of being lifted off the ground but
Something bumps lightly into my stomach instead.
I open my eyes, looking down to see the tip of its beak pressed to my middle.
It’s impossible to catch the thing’s eye from here but still I try my best. “What…what are you doing?”
The beak pushes against me again, this time followed by a small chirp.
I can feel my brows start to crease, trying to understand. The beast nudges me again and this time I turn around and take a few steps forward before stopping. I wait. And then I feel the same beak nudge my back.
Hmm.
I keep walking, completely dry as the storm rages all around us. The bird stays over me, the only indicator that it’s even there the occasional tremor it causes when it takes a step forward and soon I find myself staring at the entrance of the hollowed out mountain that is the bird’s cave once more. I turn to it, confused. “This is your home. I…don’t you want me to leave?”
The bird just stares at me for a second before leaning down and nudging me again.
I step into the cave and turn around to see the bird watching me. “Okay so…what now?”
The bird squawks at me a few more times before turning and setting off, towering ridiculously high over the trees as it looks around. I watch it for a few seconds before taking a seat. At least I’m dry now.
I take the time to try and clear my head but the bird returns in mere minutes, stepping up to the mouth of the cave and ducking down to nudge me again.
“Alright, alright, I’m going.”
About halfway through the cave, the bird stops pushing me, moving its head slightly to the left and dropping what looks like a huge pile of broken branches and logs on the ground next to me. I’m about to ask about it when the creature picks me up and drops me a good distance away. It looks me over for a moment before turning to the tree pile, ducking down so its head presses to the ground and opening its mouth. I’m thinking the bird is going to eat the sticks or something but soon the cave starts to shine with a slowly rising glow. There’s a hiss in the air and as the temperature noticeably starts to rise and I realize the source of light is coming from the giant bird’s mouth of all places, I don’t even have enough time to close my eyes before a huge jet of fire shoots from the bird’s mouth and engulfs the entire tower of branches in an instant.
And now I’m left staring at the giant column of flames it leaves behind, the light of the fire dancing erratically against the cave walls.
A dragon.
This thing is a fucking dragon.
I don’t know if I should run or if the movement will attract the things attention but too soon the dragon, the fucking dragon’s eyes are locked on me again. I flinch and feel my muscles start to tense but besides a small chirp and a few squawks, the dragon doesn’t do anything. It cocks its head at me and takes a step forward but I instinctively find myself taking a few steps back, holding up my arms slightly as if that could shield me from whatever this thing’s about to do. But after a few seconds of nothing but the sound of the roaring inferno nearby and the rain pouring outside, the dragon simply ducks its head slightly, uttering a low noise in the back of its throat before it simply moves to the back of the cave and curls up tightly, burying its head under its wings so I can’t see its face anymore.
And then…nothing.
I thought the dragon brought me here to cook me over the open flame but…
The storm rages on outside. I can see the wind ripping through the trees, leaves and other debris flying past in the howling winds
But I’m here. In a cave. With a fire.
A roof over my head.
Walls to shield me from the wind.
Warmth.
Am I a fucking idiot?
I turn to look at the dragon curled up in the back. It shielded me from the rain. Brought me to its home to stay warm and dry. And I…
“…hey.”
The dragon flinches and I winch in response. It raises a wing and peaks out slightly.
“I…” The words die in my throat as I realize I have no idea what to say. …but maybe there’s something I can do.
I start walking toward it.
The dragon unfolds more, revealing the green undersides of its wings for a moment while it moves its head. Then it just watches me in silence as I approach, head tilting and irises dilating as I draw closer. Once I finally reach it, it cocks its head slightly but otherwise remains still.
My voice dies for a second seeing it up this close but still I force it out. “I…can I see your hand?”
It blinks at me for a few seconds before complying, shifting to pull one of its legs out from under it before setting it down in front of me with an audible thud. My heart rate spikes for a moment but I suck a few breaths in and out before I continue on. Once I reach the dragon’s talons, I walk around until I find what I’m searching for, the gash still on one of the dragon’s fingers. The one I made with my own hands. The wound is still pink but already closed, probably due to the dragon’s size.
Still, I pull off my scarf, using the end of it to clean the debris out of the gash and once that’s done, I run a hand down the skin near the cut before forcing myself to look up into the dragon’s eyes.
“I’m…sorry about this.”
The dragon blinks at that, cawing before ducking down to rest its head on the floor near me. I stare at it for a long moment before I find myself turning to approach its head, moving until I’m finally close enough to place a shaky hand on the skin just under the dragon’s eye.
And then a low rumbling noise shakes through me.
I jump back and the noise slowly tapers off, the dragon opening its eye again to look at me.
…there’s something about that eye. I can’t see the rest of it right now but there’s almost…something familiar. …like…a small crease and a slight head tilt. …it’s confused. Confused about why I stopped touching it? I could have sworn it was growling at me. But…it had its eye closed, almost like it was…content.
Experimentally, I step forward and place a hand on the warm scales in front of me. Almost immediately, the rumbling noise starts up again. I take the hand off. The rumbling stops. I look up at its eye again. Confusion.
“I…,” I place a hand on its face and the rumbling starts up once more, this time accompanied by me stumbling backwards as it shifts to lean more of its weight against me. I find it hard to find the words as I marvel up at the thing. “I…I’m sorry, are you purring?”
And then the dragon raises its head slightly before lowering it to the ground.
Like a nod.
Like it’s fucking nodding at my question.
I take a step back and look it in the eye again, heart starting to race. “You can understand me?”
The dragon raises its head off the ground before nodding again.
“…say no.”
The dragon shakes its head.
It can understand me.
I take a step forward and slowly the dragon sets its head down once more, moving until its head bumps into me again. I rest a hand on it and it continues purring. “I…you know, you seem…kinda fond of me for something that’s been trying to kick me off the island for weeks now.”
The dragon offers something like a grunt of what must be acknowledgment before it goes back to purring.
“Is there…a reason for that?”
A pause.
Then the dragon squawks a few times before tilting its head to look at me almost…expectedly.
“…ah, right. Sorry about that. Maybe we should just stick to yes or no questions for now.”
A small nod.
Outside the storm rages.
“Uh…thanks for getting me out of the rain, by the way.”
Another short grunt.
“I guess we’ll be here for a while so…wait, are you going to carry me back after the storm?”
A nod.
“Asshole.”
The dragon leans in enough to make me fall over, moving to lightly rest its massive head on top of me, effectively pinning me to the floor. It then continues purring like nothing happened.
“HEY!”
The dragon only gives a short caw in response and I get the sense that the thing is jokingly mimicking my exclamation.
I frown.
“FINE, FINE I GET IT! YOU’RE NOT AN ASSHOLE.”
And just like that it relents, raising its stupid head off of me and using its beak to pull me to my feet. There’s something almost like…amusement glimmering in its eyes now as it stares down at me and soon I find a small smile worming its way onto my lips.
“…you’re worse.”
The dragon’s eyes widen at that, giving another squawk before it leans in to push the tip of its beak into me again and I laugh, reaching up to grab onto as much of it as I can.
And after a long moment, it makes a few quiet caws and chirps and I feel my smile start to fade. I just…I wish I could understand what it was trying to say.
Instead, I pull away and move to approach one of its eyes again. There’s something complex there now. It caws again, quietly, low and long and I move until both my hands rest on the skin under its eye. It leans in slightly.
“I’m sorry I…still can’t understand you but…”
But what?
It’s not like there’s anything I can do to start understanding what it was trying to tell me. This dragon cares about me. It was saying something, probably something important but I…
jump back when I suddenly find myself drenched.
I look around wildly for the source, some kind of leak in the ceiling but the sound of water splashing against the cave floor grabs my attention and I look to the source of the noise.
The dragon. It’s crying.
Tears large enough to fill a pool slowly stream down the dragon’s face as it watches me in silence.
“God, I’m so sorry.”
The dragon offers a high pitched whine in response and I purse my lips.
“…here, it’s not much but,” hesitantly, I hold my arms out to the dragon and after a moment it all but crashes into them.
We’re both like this for a while, the dragon leaning into me and whining, me doing my best to hold it while it does. It seems to calm down a little overtime, its breaths get longer and its whimpers slowly dying down into nothing. And then the sound of the rain, the dragon’s breaths and the fire fill the silence as we both stay there.
Eventually it lets out a yawn, pulling away from me and using its beak to bump into me again before it picks me up and sets me down on the vast surface of its arm. And once I sit down on the warm surface, the dragon rests its head next to me, leaning into me before it closes its eyes.
“You’re going to sleep now?”
A pause.
And then a slight nod.
“Goodnight then."
The dragon lets out a small squawk.
The fire crackles and the light dances along the walls of the cave almost hypnotically, the storm still raging on outside.
“…I’m guessing you’re still taking me back to the mainland tomorrow?”
A nod.
“Asshole,” I mutter, leaning into it as I try to get more comfortable.
The dragon snorts.
-
My arms strain against the oars as I can see the shape of the island starting to come into view again. And as the island starts becoming clearer as I start to get closer, I can feel the current start to pull me in and I put the paddle down with a small sigh, taking the small moment of peace to look out into the endless sea and collect my thoughts.
Every single time I come here, I’m proven over and over just how…non threatening the island is. The goddamn mythical creatures on the island refuse to attack me even when provoked. The manticore just pinned me down before calling for the dragon and other creatures followed a similar pattern, choosing to evade or incapacitate me until the dragon arrived. And now that I’ve stopped attacking them, they don’t even do that. Hell, the most terrifying thing on the island, the dragon itself, seems to actively like me. There’s literally not a dangerous thing on this island. But then what happened to Jax? What happened to the people on the boat with him and the rescue party? Even if every single other person attacked the beasts in such a way that…I don’t know, maybe they felt overwhelmed and had to kill them to survive, Jax would never. He wouldn’t hurt a fly and I doubt he could have provoked anything on the island enough to kill him. There has to be a killer somewhere on that island. There has to. Nothing else makes sense.
I take a deep breath of the salty sea air as I turn my head to look back at the island growing in the distance but the breath catches in my throat at the sight I’m met with instead.
The dragon.
Lying across the entire stretch of the beach, it’s head raising to watch me as I approach.
…shit.
“Uh…hi?” I call out to it and the dragon caws in return, its tail swaying slightly in the ocean.
And then it just sits there
waiting
as the tides already start to pull me inevitably towards it.
…dick
“…can’t we talk about this?”
The dragon shakes its head.
I throw up a middle finger at the beast which only causes the thing to caw at me a few times before I just sit back with a huff.
It cocks its head slightly and, narrowing my eyes at it, I sigh and wait for the current to take me into its clutches. And while I wait, I take the time to finally get a proper look at the thing, anything to take my mind off the situation but it’s almost…strange. Now that I think about it, I can see all of it for once thanks to the distance. Iridescent dark blue scales catch the sunlight as it shifts in the sand. The undertones of green under its wings along with what seem to be eye spots. Two long, almost golden looking horns rest on its massive head. It has a long neck and four bird like talons tucked under its body, a long tail trailing into the sea near it. I can make out the black tip of its stark white beak and the grey of its eyes.
It’s beautiful.
Still, I can also make out the huge mountain a distance behind it, not much taller than the dragon even when it’s sitting down. I can see white dots that must be seagulls, absolutely minuscule compared to the thing. Talons longer than any palm tree on the beach. The wall of blue that stretches on and on forever when I finally bump into it.
And then any tension I feel vanishes when it starts purring again. This goes on for a few seconds before it finally moves its head into my field of vision. The noise continues as it leans close and bumps the tip of its beak against me before moving to grab the back of my shirt as always. I can’t help but sigh as I feel my feet leaving the small vessel. Terrifying or not, this is starting to get ridiculous.
The world shakes as the dragon stands up and spreads its wings, scooping the boat up before taking a few steps into the raging ocean and pulling us both into the sky. The sea soars past us as we move and I can’t help but marvel at the sight, no matter how many times I’ve seen it now. The wind whipping past me as my body sways in the open air, the white blur of seagulls that pass us, the sound of the ocean far below, all of it makes me feel…alive. More alive than I’ve been since Jax’s disappearance though the reminder still makes my throat start to tighten with tears. No matter what this dragon does, I can’t forget why I keep coming back. Closure. Revenge. Just…anything to make it more bearable. To feel like I did something for him.
I cough as the tears start to choke me up and the dragon utters a short low note in the back of its throat in response and if I didn’t know any better, I would say that it just asked me a question.
…ah, what the hell
I take a moment to clear my throat before I speak. “I’m okay.”
A sound comes from overhead this time, a loud muffled squawk, muffled I assume because it can’t open its beak at the moment. Still, a small smile makes its way onto my face as the mainland comes closer and closer to greet us.
The rest of the flight goes by in silence and soon the dragon touches down on the vast plain it always flies me to, ducking down to gently place me on the ground before straightening up and turning to leave like it always does. I watch as it plants its talons on the edge of the cliff and spreads its wings. It turns to glance at me like it always does before looking away again. It starts to crouch, preparing to launch itself back the way it came, just like always and-
“Wait.”
And the mountain sized dragon freezes.
I freeze too, the words leaving my mouth just as much a surprise to me that they are to it and I watch as the dragon slowly turns around, moving to stand over me once more. It lets out a small coo before cocking its head to the side.
My neck straining to even look it in the eyes like this, it takes a second for me to find my voice. “I…look, I’m not on the island anymore. Maybe we could…I don’t know, talk?”
The beast stares at me in silence for a moment before the ground starts to shake once more. I watch as the dragon moves to sit down in front of me, tucking its legs under it before turning its head to look at me expectantly.
I…don’t actually know what to do now.
The dragon cocks its head again, making a small noise as it waits.
As it waits
My mind starts to race as I think of what to say. What would a dragon even talk about? What would it…wait…oh God I just thought of something.
“Hey…”
The dragon makes a short grunt that tapers off at the end in return and for some reason I get the sense that I’m distinctively being made fun of. But that leads me to my next point.
It.
This dragon could understand me. It was clearly an intelligent creature but all the same…I didn’t really know how to go about asking this type of question. For all I know, maybe it liked being called it but…uh.
…how do I do this? Jax would have killed me if I didn’t ask eventually right? I look up at the towering dragon as the words try the form in my head. What are...would you prefer if…how should I…
The dragon eventually ducks down again, shifting its body and accidently knocking me over again as it gets more comfortable. It squawks at me and moves to pull me to my feet before resting its head on the ground next to me, a black slit pupil slowly expanding as it takes me in.
I watch it in silence for a moment, carefully considering my words before I continue. “So this might be a weird question and I’m sorry if it seems kinda sudden but I wanted to know…”
The giant sparkling blue dragon bird blinks at me and all at once I find the words die in my throat. “…wait do…do you even know what pronouns are?”
-
He/him
The dragon’s pronouns are he/him.
And for the record, though it’s kinda hard to read the face of a giant bird dragon, I think the question made him happy.
Though he still wouldn’t carry me back to the island when it was time for him to return so fuck him.
-
The dragon is already waiting for me on the beach the next day too, this time not even bothering to wait for the boat to reach the beach before he gets up and steps into the ocean. I watch as he makes his way over, the ocean getting deeper and deeper as he walks until the turbulent currents lap against his legs. The waves he creates with his movement pushes me back but all the same I soon find him standing over me, his body blocking out the sun. He ducks his head down so one of his eyes hangs slightly over the boat and the cursed tides pulling me forward make me bump into his face. I reach up with an annoyed huff and run a hand over his skin a few times before pulling away, leaning back so I can look into his eye.
“…are you just gonna keep doing this now? Not even gonna let me onto the island anymore?”
The dragon nods and I frown at him.
“What’s even your deal, man? Are you territorial? No filthy humans allowed on your island or something?”
The dragon shakes his head.
“Then?”
The dragon caws at me a few times and I sigh. This whole language barrier thing is starting to become a pain in the ass.
The dragon stares at me for a while longer before his head slowly sinks into the water, disappearing completely for a moment before startling me as it reappears on the other side of the boat. I just watch in silence as he does whatever the hell he’s doing and soon I get my answer. His body sinks into the surf, presumably as he lowers himself onto the seabed. His head and neck continue moving away from the boat before stopping a distance away, turning his neck around to look at me again before, with an explosion of noise and movement, the dragon starts to stand up once more, the way he positioned himself taking me and the boat with him into the air.
But finally he stops and I try to reorient myself, looking around at the huge mass of shimmering blue that stretches on and on like a fucked up version of the ocean. I look up at the dragon’s head before following the long length of his neck until it connects with the massive surface I find myself on.
…I’m on his back now.
The folds of his wings tower over me on either side and soon he bends his neck to bring his head close to me again, the tip of his beak moving to rest in my lap for a moment before he pulls away and turns his head so he can see me.
I can tell he’s waiting for some kind of reaction so I try to find the right words.
“…why?”
The bird’s head dips slightly and though he can’t really emote, I can see his eyes widen slightly in what has to be disbelief.
The answer’s apparently obvious so…
“…do you want to…walk me back to the mainland?”
He nods at that.
“…seems like kind of a waste honestly. Like, it’s just going to take longer and…”
I trail off as I think about it.
It’ll take longer for him to get back this way. He doesn’t seem to walk very fast since his size takes care of that problem. There’s something else about it too. I’m on his back instead of dangling from his beak. It’s weirdly…safe. …personal.
…close.
…and maybe that’s what he wants.
To spend more time with me. To hang out more. To carry me on his back to my destination.
I watch him for a long moment before slowly getting out of the boat and taking a seat on the warm scales below me. The dragon’s eye almost seems to soften at the gesture.
“I’ll just sit here then. You do what you have to do.”
The dragon just nods slightly at my words, staring at me for a second longer before his neck moves to face forward again and he eventually starts moving.
And despite the slower pace, the trip back to the mainland is still fairly quick, the time passing peacefully all the same. I try to enjoy it while I can, the warmth radiating off his massive scales and the way he shifts around me as he moves, the sound of the waves parting around him and the drumming of his heart beneath me. He turns to check on me every once in a while and I give him a small nod every time, the gesture rewarding me with a small purr before he continues. Too soon however, the cliff he usually lands on is in sight and I feel my heart start to sink a little.
The dragon stops once he reaches the cliffs and turns to me with a series of coos. I just nod back and he ducks down to pick me up, setting me down on the edge of the cliff before doing the same with my boat. That done, the dragon watches me for a long moment before he finally leans down and rests his head next to me. He blinks at me a few times and I just take a seat, sighing as I take him in.
“…what’s the matter with you, man? Kicking me out all the time and then acting like this. I just…don’t know what you want from me.”
The dragon answers this question fairly quickly, moving his head forward until it bumps into me.
“Typical.” I reach up and start stroking him in silence for a while as he purrs.
“…I’ll have you know I do have a reason for going back there everyday. …well, besides visiting you now, you big softie.” I can’t resist leaning forward and rubbing my check against him for a moment and he leans into the gesture. “…point is I’m just going to keep coming back until I find what I’m looking for. And if you’re going to keep blocking my way to the beach then I’ll just find another way to get on that island. …I’m sorry but I need to do this.”
The dragon is surprisingly quiet at that, the eye hanging above me staring at me in silence for a long moment before he finally cocks his head just slightly in question.
“I’m…looking for someone. And I’m not going to stop searching until I find him. Or at least…at least whatever’s left of him.”
The dragon watches me quietly and the rhythmic motion of my hands on warm scales helps me to keep going even as I feel my throat start to tighten with tears.
“I…ever since I found out there were actually mythical creatures on this island I thought…I don’t know what I thought to be honest. His disappearance…messed me up a lot, to say the least. I guess the rumours finally got to me and I thought…maybe something got him when he crashed on that island. Maybe I could kill it to avenge him. Or maybe he’s…maybe he’s still out there somewhere, you know?” I feel my voice shrink to a whisper as I say that last part. “I’m just hoping for…something, I guess. Any kind of sign that maybe…maybe…” the words trail off with a small sigh. “God, I just…I just miss him, you know? And I just wi- HEY!”
My words get cut off when the dragon suddenly moves again, leaning more of his weight than usual against me as he starts making a high pitched whining noise. “What’s gotten into you? …are you okay?”
The dragon continues whining for a few moments before finally giving a small shake of his head.
I frown, moving a hand to stroke the dragon’s head as he tries his best to accidentally bowl me over.
“Me neither.”
The words are barely a whisper but I feel a small nudge of acknowledgement just the same.
-
The dragon isn’t on the beach blocking my way this time so I guess that’s his way of saying I’m welcome. Though I don’t see him around either, even taking the time to check his cave and finding it completely empty besides the pile of weapons collecting rust in a corner.
And as I walk around the island, heart sinking slightly as the dragon continues to be a no show, I can’t help but start to lose myself in thought as the lush greenery blends together all around me.
It’s all so strange. The island is full of terrifying monsters but not a single one acts like a killer. What exactly am I missing here? The island has plenty of fruits and vegetables, animals to hunt, even a few lakes of drinking water so Jax and the others couldn’t possibly have died from lack of nutrition, even if they were trapped. …maybe there’s a chance that they’re still on the island. But if that were true then why hadn’t the dragon taken them back to the mainland too? And even if he had taken them and Jax just…I don’t know, finally decided he had enough of me and just pretended to be dead to get away then that still doesn’t explain why two whole boats of people just so happened to have the same idea. It just doesn’t make any sense.
So while all the other questions still bang around in the back of my mind, I make my way forward, any creatures I do come across just sharing a glance of acknowledgement before going back to doing what they were doing before. I’ve really only seen the forest so far but does it really span the whole island? Just how big is this place? I’ve been coming here for weeks now and still haven’t reached the end. And if the island really is this big and the creatures aren’t as hostile as they should be then…maybe he’s still alive around here somewhere.
As the sun reaches its peak and sweat causes my clothes to cling to me, I move to tiredly shove a stubborn branch out of the way with my shoulder and end up face first in what feels like grass when the branch gives way to nothing. I pick myself up with a huff and…
wow.
A huge field of grass, looking like it goes on for a while. My legs hurt but the sudden breeze that flows through the plain brings a small comfort. I take a deep breath of the salt tinged air and continue on until I reach a point I’m happy with and finally allow myself to lie down. The grass is soft and I take a moment to close my eyes and just enjoy the silence. I can faintly hear the sea again so this must be the other side of the island. The beach, the mountain, dense forest and then open plain. So either Jax is camped somewhere around here, climbed up a tree somewhere or fucking died like a year ago.
…God, why even bother. I know which one it is.
I move to sit up with a small sigh, wiping a few stray tears before opening my eyes again and looking around. It’s still just as empty as before but now…
Now I can see something in the far distance.
A mountain. A mountain that distinctively hadn’t been there before.
Well, at least that answers one question.
I take it in for a moment longer before leaning forward and cupping my hands over my mouth. “HEY!”
The mountain unsurprisingly doesn’t respond to this so I try a different approach.
“MOUNTAINS AREN’T FUCKING BLUE, ASSHOLE! GET OVER HERE!”
Said mountain remains still for a few seconds before finally untucking his head from beneath his wings and turning sideways to look at me. He caws and the sound carries effortlessly over the plain. Then he just stares until I beckon him again and he slowly stands up before making his way towards me. He reaches me in a few steps and stares down at me expectedly.
“…were you hiding from me?”
The dragon looks away.
I purse my lips.
“…was it because of what I said yesterday?”
A small nod.
I just sigh. “…well, I wasn’t lying or anything. I’ll need to keep coming back until I find my friend. …I’m really sorry but I have to keep trying. …but…even when I do…maybe I can keep coming back to visit you?”
The dragon stares off into the distance for a long moment before finally nodding again.
“…thanks. …do you want to join me?”
The dragon cocks his head.
“…as much as I want to find my friend, I…well…you’ve been kind to me…kicking me off the island non withstanding but…well, I think I just want to check on you today. You seem sadder than usual.”
The dragon turns back to look at me then, watching me carefully for a second longer before he sits down, tucking his legs underneath his body and laying his head down next to me.
I lean back slightly, enjoying the silence and the warmth for a second before I finally speak again.
“…you okay?”
The dragon gives a small chirp that I take as a yes.
“…that’s good.”
I scoot backwards until my back presses into the dragon’s neck and he leans into the gesture.
We stay there for a while and in the spare time I let my mind wander to Jax for a while before I stop, instead turning to the wall of blue I’m leaning against.
“…are you sure you’re okay?”
The bird just caws and with a sigh, I eventually get up, taking a few steps back so I can look him in one of his eyes. The dragon just turns his gaze to look down at me in question.
“…look, I know we have conflicting goals but we’ve known each other for almost a month now and during that time, you’ve been like…ridiculously kind to me, all things considered. And yesterday I upset you and you hid from me. I just…I want to sort this out, you know? I’ve mentioned my friend twice now and both times you became genuinely upset by it. I just want to know…”
The slight tilt of his head and the way he looks away stops me.
“…if mentioning him upsets you that much then…I’ll give it a rest for today. How’s that sound?”
The dragon looks at me again, eyes slightly wide in shock.
“Of course, I care about him but…I care about you too, you know? We could always sort this out some other time.”
And the dragon nods.
-
We didn’t talk about it in the end.
Every time I tried to bring it up, the dragon would get so visibly upset that I would eventually just give up and drop it again. One time he got so upset that he ran away. Another time he became a sobbing mess.
Something about all this just didn’t add up.
And it all pointed to the dragon.
The dragon who could understand me. The dragon who followed me around while the other creatures tended to do their own thing. The dragon who seemed very fond of me but wanted me to stay off the island even though there didn’t seem to be any threats there besides the occasional storm. The dragon who carried me back home every night but didn’t seem to extend the courtesy to the others who crashed here. The dragon who became extremely upset anytime I tried to mention humans being on this island. Who didn’t answer my questions even though he had to know something. Who towered over everything and must have seen what happened that day. I’ve climbed onto his head a few times to get a better lay of the land and there’s no way he didn’t see either of the boats or the dozen or so humans exploring the woods and travelling across the plains. He can see everything.
So what about all this made him so upset?
A possibility wormed its way into my head then. An ugly one but one I couldn’t really afford to write off. Not yet.
The dragon currently lies nearby, basking in the sun as I tried to recall the shape of the forest from what I saw from his point of view. I’m trying to make a map and he’s trying to take a nap. And it’s almost endearing seeing him like this, his eyes closed in contentment as he fans out his wings to absorb as much of the sunlight as he can.
And then I jump a little when he shifts slightly, turning to look at me for a long moment before he goes back to trying to sleep. I can just barely hold his gaze.
There’s a knife strapped to my belt today, hidden under my shirt so the dragon can’t see it. And soon, it will have its use.
I jump when a caw echoes over the plains, turning to see the dragon watching me again. I now find his gaze almost unnerving but still I hold it with a thin smile. The beast caws again, cocking his head slightly at me. A question.
…did he notice the blade?
A sudden breeze sweeps over the hills and causes me to shiver. And that’s when I realize I’m drenched in sweat. The dragon calls to me again, its eyes skewed with what I swear might be…concern. I find for once I can’t answer the question, the words stolen from me by the fear of what I’m about to do and the breeze again. I shiver harder and the beast gets up.
I’m scared now. But the dragon only moves to lie down next to me, shielding me from the wind and trying to warm me with his body heat.
….his neck now mere meters from my belt.
I swallow. He’s sweet. He’s been so nice to me and yet I…
I…
“…hey.”
The beast caws back and my heart pangs. But if my hunch is right then
…this thing killed Jax.
Nothing makes sense anymore but this dragon makes even less so. Nothing about him adds up. Why does he carry me back to the mainland everyday? Why me but not all the others that have been here? Why does he get so upset when I mention them? Why does he care about me so much? It had to mean something. It had to. What if he did kill them? In a fit of rage or hunger or territorial aggression. Or maybe just on accident, his huge size accidentally leading to the death of dozens. What if he felt bad about it and wanted to make amends by not making the same mistake twice? What if he saw me, the only human he’s seen in over a year, as nothing more than a second chance. What if, what if, what if
I get up slowly and step forward, moving to unsheathe the knife from my belt as I do.
The dragon caws again, probably still waiting for my question but I ignore him for now.
If this thing killed Jax then he will die. And then maybe I’ll die too.
The dragon tries to call out again but this time, when I try to take another step towards the thing’s throat, he does something different.
The shimmering blue wall in front of me shifts
And his eyes land on me mid-step.
And now he goes silent.
And I don’t know what to say. There’s too many emotions at once now, the rage, the sorrow, the grief, everything all at once, everything screaming inside me as I look at what I’m doing. I’m hurting a murderer. I’m hurting an innocent creature.
I’m hurting a friend.
I expect the dragon to do something, anything at all but he doesn’t. The blade shakes in my hand but still the dragon doesn’t move. He could flee, kill me, but instead he just waits. For retribution, out of fear.
To see what I’m going to do.
And I…don’t know what to do.
And so, as the seconds stretch on and still I remain frozen, the dragon finally decides to make a move. But not the one I was expecting.
The dragon, the huge, terrifying, friendly bird dragon simply lies back down without a word, leaning in until his neck is pressed to the blade.
And all at once I move, jolting my hand back and all but throwing the knife away before turning back to the massive wall of flesh in front of me. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?”
The dragon doesn’t respond to the question, only letting out a surprised squawk when I all but hurl myself at him, throwing my arms over the wall of his neck as tears start to pool in my eyes. “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH…oh my God, are you hurt? I-I can’t…I…WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?”
I can feel sobs wracking through my body as I press my face into him. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I-”
I can feel the dragon pushing against me slightly now and I only hug him tighter. “Why are you doing this? Why are you doing any of this? I just…I don’t understand. I…I…”
The dragon starts purring quietly and it only causes me to cry harder. “Why do you care so much about me? Don’t you value your own life? Why don’t you fight back? I…why…why are you…”
Something occurs to me then. Retribution. Maybe what he wanted was retribution?
“I…,” I take some time to try calming down before I continue. “…hey.”
The dragon gives a quiet chirp between purrs.
“You…you’ve been here for some time right?”
I can feel him nod now.
“So much about you just…doesn’t make sense to me and I know…I know this topic upsets you for whatever reason but for now, I…could I ask you something?”
A pause.
Then a small nod.
“Did…did you kill my friend?”
The dragon shakes his head.
“Has anyone here killed my friend?”
Again, the dragon shakes his head.
I swallow before I ask the last one.
“Is he still alive?”
And now he gives a slight nod.
And I take his word.
I stay with my arms spread over as much of his neck as I can while he keeps purring, eventually moving so he can lean his head against me like he always does, chirping and whining and squawking until I finally calm down. And then we just stay like that for a long time. At sunset, he finally moves again, picking me up by the back of my shirt as always, pulling me off the ground and turning to go back to the beach. But once he crosses the forest, he keeps going forward instead, ducking through the opening to his cave and carrying me to the back before he finally sits down. He moves to tuck his legs beneath him before setting me down on his back and pushing his face into me once more.
“You’re not going to make me leave tonight?”
The dragon shakes his head.
I move to lean my weight against him. “…are you sure? …after everything I just-”
The dragon nudges me slightly, cawing a few times before settling down against me again.
“I just…don’t understand you at all. If it’s not out of guilt then…why? Why are you being so nice to me?”
The dragon just caws a few more times and I sigh. There is a reason he’s doing this, one not tied to guilt and he’s even told me a few times. But I can’t understand what he’s saying. There has to be a way around this somehow. This dragon can understand me. He, along with everything on the island, they’re all weirdly…human. There has to be something I can do.
But for now, I’m drained and, for once, actually tired. I lean into him and close my eyes. “We’ll figure this out somehow.”
The dragon caws.
“I…thank you for trusting me but please take better care of yourself, alright?”
The bird doesn’t respond to this besides leaning more of his weight into me but the words almost make me smile. I used to say them to Jax all the time before he...disappeared, I guess.
This dragon…reminds me a lot of him, as weird as that sounds. If I didn’t know any better, I’d almost say…
…ah, that’s just the grief talking.
…
-
I stare down at the crude map I'd drawn as my head bobs down once more, followed by another round of rumbling purrs.
"You having fun back there?"
This inquiry is met with a quiet squawk before a heavier weight rubs against my scalp, the purring quickly picking up once more.
Recently, the dragon has taken a liking to eating or grooming or playing with my hair. I'm not really sure to be honest but it's not hurting anyone and he seems to enjoy so I just let him.
He’s been…happier lately. Ever since I’d almost fucking killed him. It’s hard to tell but there were always the subtle signs along with the…not so subtle ones. His purring for one. And I can hear the sound of his tail dragging across the grass in the distance.
He’s been hanging around me far more often too, waiting for me at the beach now and following me wherever I went. It was…nice having him around. Comfortable.
Familiar.
I purse my lips, scratching out the rough shape of the valley we’re in, the bird’s purring making it damn near impossible to draw a straight line but still I persist. It’s not the only thing causing my head to rattle though.
This beast has grey eyes. The same physique, the same reactions, the same everything as Jax but…
I stare at my map for a long, long moment before I finally speak.
“Hey.”
The dragon grunts in acknowledgement.
“…can I ask you a…kinda weird question?”
A small nod.
“Are you…”
And the question dies in my throat but all the same the dragon waits.
The dragon told me Jax was still alive. The dragon was trying to tell me a lot of things.
“I…I never asked you for your name.” I was avoiding the question now. “I’m Emelia but you can call me Mia if you want.”
And the dragon nods, a small squawk ringing out like he’s trying to say my name.
After a moment of silence, I think of something, hesitantly flipping my map over and writing my name on the back of it before moving to stand up. The dragon gets the message and moves his beak off my head, turning to me in question. I hold out the paper to him and point at the name.
“Mia,” I say again and the dragon nods slightly.
There’s the island…it traps people with strong currents and it’s filled with strange monsters. Strange passive monsters. There’s Jax, who wouldn’t hurt a fly, who’s apparently still alive, but who the dragon never carried back to the mainland. There’s the dragon, who seems to care about me a lot despite only knowing me a little more than a month. The dragon who carries me back to the mainland every night regardless of that fondness. The dragon who knows where Jax is, who seems to get hurt whenever I mention him.
“…do you have a name?”
The dragon nods, his eyes shining now and my heart pangs. He stares at me for a moment too long before he moves to pick me up, standing up and stepping through the forest before arriving at the beach. I almost think he’s sick of the questions but then he raises a talon and starts dragging a claw through the sand. It takes me a second to realize what he’s doing but I can feel my heart slowly start to pick up with anticipation.
He's writing.
And the letters are messy but
J
I watch in silence.
A
I try to smother my hope but my heart pounds.
X.
Jax.
Jax.
The name now carved into the beach as I watch the dragon slowly withdraws his talon.
Waiting for my reaction.
Jax.
It’s hard to see the name through tears now but still I stare at it.
“…like…like my Jax?”
The dragon who looks like Jax, who acts like Jax, who is Jax, ducks his head slightly like he always does when he’s embarrassed and I feel a sob shake through me.
“I…you…could you put me down?”
The drago- Jax does after a moment, turning his head to look at me once my feet touch the ground again.
I open and close my mouth a few times, trying to think of what to say as tears pour down my face and the literal dragon who is my long lost friend watches me. But then,
“…Jax.”
Jax squawks back and for once I think I know what he’s trying to say.
I hold out my arms to him and he leans his fucking giant bird beak into them, starting to whimper and lean into me as I cry. But once we both start to calm down and are just taking each other in in the relative silence, I find I can’t resist saying what I need to.
“…show business really changed you, huh.”
Jax pushes me over.
-
I wake with a start and immediately I can tell something’s off.
Jax is next me, sound asleep and leaning his head against me as huge gusts of wind shoot out of his nostrils. I look around the room, trying to find anything different when movement just behind me makes me jump. I’m on my feet in an instant and looking around wildly but besides me and Jax, there doesn’t seem to be anyone else-
THERE
I spin around and there’s nothing.
I can feel the tension rise in my shoulders as I look around wildly and
Movement out of the corner of my eye
I spin around and this time something brushes against my legs and making me jump before the feeling disappears.
I’m starting to get annoyed now and this time there’s this weird movement coming from my lower back. Without spinning again, I slowly reach around until my hands land on something furry and I pull back with a yelp.
The sound echoes faintly through the cave and slowly Jax starts to stir.
He looks around for a moment before his eyes land on me.
And then they widen.
Before I can even ask, Jax grabs me by the back of my shirt, pulling me into the air before he starts walking forward. He stops just outside his cave, his talons inches from the treeline before he lets out a caw from between his closed beak.
A caw that…sounds a lot like a voice.
Jax’s voice.
“Hey! Is anyone awake right now? I need help!” The words are muffled like he’s speaking through clenched teeth.
Because he fucking is.
“Would you quiet down, son? It’s way too early for this.”
Another voice now, this one sounding like a grumpy old man. I watch as miles below us, the manticore emerges from between the trees, clearly disgruntled as he stops at Jax’s feet to glare up at him. His eyes fix on me for a few seconds before he lets out a tired sigh. “Not you again.”
Jax just nods slightly, the actions leaving me swaying before he realizes and ducks to set me down in the dirt. “Mia has a tail! She’s already changing and I don’t know what to do! I-Is there any way to fix this? Will it disappear if I take her back to the mainland? Will it stop? Is it reversable? Can I-”
“Calm down, son. She’s likely just as scared as you are and panicking isn’t going to solve anything. I…look, have you even asked her how she’s feeling right now?”
“But…Mia can’t understand me.”
“Does that look like the face of someone who doesn’t understand?”
Jax stops at that, slowly looking down to meet my gaze again. He ducks his head down to get a better look at me. “Mia?”
I’m still too shocked to speak, all the new information still banging around in my head as I stare at him. I can understand Jax. I attacked an old man unprovoked. I have a fucking tail. I-
“Mia?” I feel Jax’s beak nudge me and instinctively lay a hand on the smooth surface. Jax cocks his head slightly before something occurs to him. “…blink twice if you can understand me.”
I blink twice and the man hums.
Jax’s dragon form designed and drawn by @saltycharacters
Mia’s final form drawn by @crazkawsay
original design by noahdopt on Deviantart
#i started writing this story last october when i was trying to fight my way out of my writers block via kicking and screaming#pumped out This Thing#edited it over the next few months#and now it is here#writeblr#original writing#jax and mia#dragon au#ocs#the rooster crows#thanks for reading!
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Outbreak Pt 3 (LU in Healthcare)
(Content warning, this is a plague fic, it will likely hit close to home, and there’s dark humor and character death in this part)
It started off as a whisper, but the whisper became a chatter, a groan, constant and disturbing and growing ever closer.
Cases were on the rise in the city, though the surrounding area seemed unaffected still, for now. City officials were growing concerned, and restrictions were starting to be enacted. People were asked to stay home, if possible. As for the hospital and squads…
Hyrule squinted at his email. "Wait. Didn't... didn't they say we could use alcohol wipes to clean the equipment?"
"Yeah," Mo called from the kitchenette in the station.
"Now it says we can only use bleach wipes."
Mo groaned. "Isn't that like the third policy change this week?"
"I'm still trying to figure out if we're doing a specific isolation truck or not anymore," Aurora mumbled. "Like we just had one truck dedicated to the high risk iso cases, and now we're getting so many calls for it that it's a moot point anyway."
"I think the last email said put plastic over everything for Arfy patients and then wipe everything down that you use," Mo replied.
"Wait, which email?"
Hyrule sighed. This was getting ridiculous. And he was getting just a little nervous. “When in doubt, just bleach everything, I guess.”
Aurora huffed. “Did you see the email about the respirators?”
“Which email?” Mo threw his hands in the air, exasperated. “I’ve got twenty new emails!”
“I suppose that means you’ll actually have to read them now,” Aurora noted with a snort.
“Do you all think it’ll get worse before it gets better?” Dawn asked, wringing her hands worriedly. “The OMD made it sound like that would be the case.”
“Our medical director knows more than I do,” Hyrule shrugged. “If he says it’s going to get worse—”
“No, he didn’t just say that, he said ‘it’s not a matter of if the wave hits us, but when,’” Aurora quoted, standing. “He scared the hell out of Dawn.”
“They’re pretty foreboding words,” Hyrule commented darkly, looking away. It was the main reason he was getting nervous. But he was also steeling himself. If they were in for a fight, he would face it head on.
“Okay, but what does any of this have to do with the email about the respirators?” Mo asked as he scrolled frantically through his email.
“Oh, we’re supposed to wear N95s now,” Aurora answered with a wave of her hand.
Hyrule blinked. “Wait. Aren’t—aren’t we supposed to get fit tested for those?”
“Oh, yeah,” Aurora nodded, rolling her eyes. “Here’s your official fit test: pick a mask that fits.”
“We’re all going to die, aren’t we?” Dawn questioned worriedly, hugging herself.
“Nobody’s died from Arfy yet, I don’t think,” Mo noted. “At least not here.”
“People have died,” Aurora corrected.
“Well, maybe we’ll die, then,” Mo amended.
Hyrule laughed while Aurora swatted his partner. Well… at least they’d die fighting. But he really hoped it wouldn’t get to that point.
While the rescue squads struggled to keep up with policies and slapped shoddy safety regulations into place, the hospital clamped down even further. Visitor policies had officially been revoked as of today, and it made all the providers somewhat uneasy.
In some aspects, it was helpful. In others, it made things that much harder.
Arfy patients were medical patients. Which meant the medical floor and ICU was quickly filling up while other parts of the hospital either maintained their quota or decreased as people stayed home. More and more, Four found himself floating to his friend’s ICU, and he felt fairly out of his depths about it. The one good thing was that he got to spend time with Dot. But as cases rose, so did the stress, the worry, and the heartache.
The ICU felt less like a unit where critically ill people got better and more like a place to go to die.
Four and Dot had the same patient assignment for four days in a row. It was the same assignment because nothing had changed with the patients. Intubated, sedated, paralyzed, some proned. The amount of sedation required to keep their patients under was far more than Four was used to, and it was insane how little it would take for their oxygen saturation to drop. Any semblance of activity in the body increased oxygen demand, and the instant oxygen demand increased, no amount of intervention from the ventilator seemed to help. ECMO was a word Four had hardly heard in his trauma ICU, but he heard it on a near daily basis now, being considered at rounds, being initiated with someone else’s patient.
Four was exhausted. His face was breaking out from wearing a respirator for twelve hours at a time. His feet and knees and hips hurt from standing in isolation rooms for three to four hours at a time trying to cluster all his care. And now, with the visitor restriction enacted…
Visitors were hit or miss, particularly in Four’s world. Trauma precipitated drama, and while family could be infinitely helpful and supportive, he’d also seen things go awry, had to deescalate fights or call security. In some aspects, he was thankful there were no visitors while all of this was happening; he was tired of having to explain that yes, you have to wear this gown and gloves and mask, no you can’t kiss your loved one while they’re intubated and sedated with a contagious disease… but still. He couldn’t imagine how hard it was on the family - the patients were sedated to the point that they shouldn’t be aware of anything, but the family had to agonize over the matter at home.
He didn’t like it. He understand the logic. But he didn’t like it.
And so here he sat, holding a patient’s hand while they withdrew care. Here he sat, being the only witness to someone’s last breaths while their family mourned from afar.
Four watched the heart rate steadily drop. He watched the oxygen saturation plummet. He muted the red alarms as the monitor screamed that his patient was dying, that something should be done, like an accusation and call to arms when Four knew this particular fight was over.
He wasn’t a particularly religious person, but he said a prayer for the patient and the family either way. He found himself praying a lot these days, honestly.
While the visitor policy took its toll inside the frame of work, the restrictions both inside and outside the hospital were causing further stress on everyone. Warriors had basically banned Wind from seeing him, opting to stay with Time and Malon instead, leaving the kid in the apartment. He brought food deliveries to the door, asked if Wind needed anything, but he always did so when Wind wasn’t awake - the teenager had swore up and down that if anybody got Arfy he’d take care of them, and Warriors was terrified of that promise as it was basically a threat. Time agreed that Wind didn’t need to get involved, much to the teenager’s chagrin, and Wind found himself already struggling from the loneliness and the frustration of trying to study for classes online when nobody knew what they were doing or how long this would last.
Meanwhile, Wild sat in his room, fingers aimlessly tracing over each other, the smell of bleach so fresh in his nose from scrubbing everything relentlessly for hours on end that he might as well have inhaled a bottle of it. His chest hurt. Not to mention that new disinfectant they were told to use made him cough a lot.
And he worried. Because… it had been a few days since he’d seen his father. Legend had given him updates through his sister (and made Wild swear not to tell anyone about her), and it had sounded like he was improving as expected. But now, he… the rest of the family…
It felt like a blessing and a curse. It was a guarantee that Wild couldn’t run into his mother or sister by accident, but it was also a situation that his mind screamed that he address.
He couldn’t just… he couldn’t just leave his father isolated and alone recovering in the hospital in the midst of an outbreak. He couldn’t.
But what if visiting him made things so much worse? What if it stressed his father’s recovering heart? What if it triggered more traumatic memories for Wild? He was terrified of getting anywhere near the man while he was awake, but his heart screamed that he go to him.
Wild refused to be a coward. And he refused to be heartless, despite how anxious this entire situation made him, despite how his mind screamed he keep away. So that night, when he got on to work, he took a delivery to the cardiovascular ICU and paused in front of a doorway, looking hopefully for a familiar nurse.
“Link? Wild?”
Jumping, Wild turned around to see the nurse in question, watching him scrutinously. She smiled (or at least, he assumed she did, based on how her eye crinkled above her mask) in recognition. “I thought it was you. You here to see your dad?”
Wild swallowed and nodded.
“Good, because the drama I’ve been trying to avoid has been driving me insane,” Legend’s sister said lightheartedly, but despite the casualness of her tone, the words sank into Wild’s stomach like a stone.
“Drama?” He questioned quietly.
“Nothing like… bad, I suppose, but still,” the nurse explained. “I’d be in there taking care of him and overhear him talking to his wife and he’d mention that he swore he saw you. I’m not entirely sure she’s convinced. She seems hopeful, though. But I figured it was best not to bring it up myself since I, ah, don’t know what’s going on.”
Wild felt his blood freeze. His father remembered? And he’d told his mother?
Great. This was… this was just great.
“Go see him,” Legend’s sister prompted gently. “I can tell he loves you very much and just wants to know you’re ok.”
Wild’s eyes unexpectedly burned with tears in an instant, and he was grateful he was wearing a mask to hide his expression. He nodded, hesitantly making his way towards the room.
It all seemed so normal, seeing his father sitting in a recliner looking at his phone. Wild wasn’t even entirely sure he’d recovered memories of his father like that, but somehow it seemed familiar. Abel hadn’t noticed him yet, engrossed in whatever he was looking at, brow slightly furrowed. That expression drew memories, a familiar scrutiny that he would often give Wild himself or his sister, a quiet concern and sternness that made Wild want to stiffen up and simultaneously run to him.
Damn it all, he’d missed him.
Wild swallowed his fears and stepped forward, hoping that this wouldn’t be a disaster. He knocked on the door, initially so quietly that his father didn’t hear him over the chatter of the news on the television. He knocked again.
His father looked up. Stared a moment. Went a shade paler.
Wild hastily stepped forward. “W-wait, don’t get worked up—”
His father stood, seeming mostly steady on his feet, and tried to walk to him, heedless of the cords and oxygen tubing attached, and Wild hastily met him part of the way before he ripped everything out of the wall. Abel immediately pulled him to his chest in the tightest hug Wild had ever felt, and…
And Link sank into the embrace, crying.
#writing#If you see any typos no you don’t lol#My iPad keeps editing medical terms without me noticing ugh 😩#lu in healthcare#lu hyrule#lu mo#lu dawn#lu aurora#lu four#lu dot#lu wild#Abel#sorry if this isn’t quite up to snuff as usual I don’t even know how much sleep I’ve gotten in the last 48 hours#And I want to bury myself in a hole and never come out lol#It’s been a stupidly long week and the next few months are only going to be longer and I’m already very freaking over it#Anyway there’s my mild rant for the day I guess LOL enjoy the writing
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Zelda
She/her, 65 moons, cis molly
#Zelda (cat)#<- so it doesn't go in the fandom tags of the game lmao#Loner#honeyclan#<- the save file she's from. I'm gonna say she lives nearest to them#warrior cats oc#warriors oc#kiri’s clangen#clangen#She also doesn't have the chest spot on her sprite but I thought she looked better with it so. Y'know#I made her fur so massive but I need it to be known that the rest of her is massive as well. She's jut very large#also I HAVE RETURNED TO THIS BLOG!!! Can't say how regular activity here will be but I'm queueing this on thursday to go up on friday#and I've got three more finished cats to go up the three days after that. We'll see how many more I draw before the queue runs out#I'm doing hermit-a-day-may over on my main blog and I'm coming up on the end of the schoolyear so I may be mostly swamped until summerish#but I'd like to pick back up with posting these during the summer. I have some ideas for a comic that I'd like to do but I haven't written-#-it out yet becuase I want to get these designs done first and I think I'm about halfway through all the cats I have? across 5 different-#-clans two of which are very large so. Mass extinction events will be on once I start playing moons again!!#anyways sorry for rambling but I'm very proud of my next few designs. I think I've found a good method for doing them quickly. It involves-#-using actual reference images for the poses lmao#EDIT I lied I'm not even close to halfway#I've got 66 out of 181 done meaning I have 115 left#jesus fucking christ ITS FINE it's fine it's just a lot. not a problem though#I can pick up the pace after this next month or two#it's chill
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ocean theology
“Zoro—”
“Did you know?” he repeats, desperate, and Luffy just looks at him. And he wonders, then, how much of this has been preordained—how much of this is real, how much of this is him. How much of what he’s felt since they were wedged side-to-side in a shitty wooden boat on the East Blue has actually mattered, and how much has been the universe pressing him down into the mold of someone else's heart.
And then Luffy is gripping his horns, bringing his forehead down to meet his, repeating, “Zoro? Zoro?” like his name is a mantra, like he’s gone somewhere far away and gotten lost on his way back.
And Zoro blinks at him, then, and sees both of them at once—both of them—and he grips Luffy’s face in his own hands (claws) and presses his lips (violent, full of teeth) against his. Because this is who he has been waiting a thousand years for, the brightest and most beautiful of them all, the one thing he could never have—could never see, not if (Luffy, Joyboy, Nika) had made different (worse) choices—the thing that could never thrive in the darkness, just like he could never (has been unable to for centuries) survive without it—
pairing: roronoa zoro/monkey d. luffy
word count: 40,565
ao3 tags: canon-compliant reincarnation; melodrama (affectionate); spoilers through the end of wano; mild body horror (horns teeth claws); it's about the Yearning and the Devotion; graphic depictions of violence; archive warnings are for violence inflicted BY the crew not ON the crew; hurt/comfort/comedy at a 30/60/10 ratio; 40k words and i forgot to write "Asura" even once
#opfanfic#opfanfiction#op fanfic#GOD IT'S FINALLY FINISHED this is my magnum opus#here it isss the 'canon-compliant' enma/nika reincarnation fic#i am stretching that term 'canon-compliant' a little bit i admit#the outline was over 13k words and it took a MONTH to write#plus a week to edit god bless tk / torkz they are the best beta everrr#i AM SO PROUD OF THIS alksjdfhalsdf#sorry im going to reblog this a bunch over the next few days#me and kate mind melding to do reincarnation fics at the same time apparently#gyro.rtf#zolu#luzo
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Oh yeah, the Veilguard trailer does look excellent, I sure love that deeply charming, yet unromanceable dwarf man voiced by Brian Bloom!
(something something weird that it happened three times)
#dragon age#dragon age origins#hi gorim the damn dwarf man who awakened my dwarf love#squirrel plays dragon age#i just booted it up for a little bit#the weirdness of using my nice semi-new gaming PC to run a 15 year old game is not lost on me#would you believe that there are expansions to origins that i've never played?#leliana's song; with hunt; and the golems of amgarrak#originally i only had the base game and replaying; i just... never got to them kinda?#but i have the definitive edition nooooow~~~~~#so i'll probably chip away at it little by little over the next few months#oc: arie aeducan#nyesh i remade her again#of course i did; she's my og blorbo
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wheezes i made. a game! a functioning playable game that i've had a lot of fun playtesting so far! sat down and made the core rules in one session yesterday, wrote up another few chunks for guiding/prompting the roleplay part this morning. and i have a bunch of variants drafting and those are definitely still in the works lmao, but the rules as they are are 100% playable and i am extremely proud of having gotten them down this fast.
there is definitely going to be further drafting etc, and i'm hoping to be able to format it with an actual graphical layout at some point. and also make like an actual proper intro post for it instead of just dropping it hot on my blog for whoever happens to be following me. in the meantime though here you go, if anyone decides to try it out have fun and i'd love to hear how that goes. enjoy!
[cws: horror, mentions of death, gore, and injury, possible themes of stalking. it's a game where you're being hunted down and have to prepare for what happens when you can't run anymore, so it has the potential to get real dark depending on how you play it lmao]
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Core Rules
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Guiding the Fiction
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(this section is probably a lot less coherent and has more repetition going on than i'd like, definitely is going to need a redraft or two, but i think it gets the mechanics across in a usable way as-is. meant to get further into the last set of examples, but i had to catch myself before i got carried away and ended up just filling out a d100 table. that'd be fun to do at some point but not by dropping it in the middle of the rulebook lmao)
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and that's the game so far! if anyone reads these and finds any specific bits to be confusing, please feel free to ask questions; i want to do my best to make sure my games fit together and are as clear as possible, with or without graphical gamebook format for visual aid, so fresh eyes are always welcome. in the meantime thank you for your time, and should you check it out may you have fun being chased by a Funny Little Guy
#solo rpgs#ttrpg tag#whosebaby makes things#whosebaby does game dev#cws in post#the variants have been SO much fun so far too i'm looking forward to having them drafted up#(there's been a lot of Very Stressful Stuff going on in my life this last month or so)#(probably the biggest of which is a sudden major move on short notice; which is going to be happening proper over the next few days)#(so i have been mainly holed up doing a fuckton of RP/rpg planning and design stuff in between for the sake of my sanity lmao)#(apologies to everyone i am Very Behind on Replies To; hopefully i'll be back and functioning soon; wish me luck)#going to try to edit together a plaintext version since it's too long to fit in alt texts#but unfortunately that will probably have to wait until after the move because transferring that kind of thing to tumblr is a nightmare
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FINALLY managed to make some progress on my wip thank GOD and all the saints in heaven for this christmas miracle
#it's kind of a funny story btw. life has been so hectic since the end of october i haven't really had time to write as such#only editing stuff that was already written and ready (the first two chapters of my fic that i posted)#but over the past few days i've gone back to reread the next parts and i've made some interesting discoveries#one of them being that i miscalculated and i don't in fact just have the 3rd chapter ready. i also have the 4th lmao#so that was a nice surprise#anyway. the other day after rereading the whole thing and making a couple of edits here and there i closed the doc and called it a day#that's what we call progress 🥰🥰🥰#(was procrastinating as a result of being irrationally afraid of writing again after two months)#but yeah long story short. i FINALLY got back to actually writing tonight#made some actual progress on the 5th chapter and i'm so proud of myself for that you have no idea lmao#we're SO back baby#writing stuff
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Almost done! 🎉 I'll try to finish it tomorrow
#crochet#knitting#am I procrastinating? maybe#I have bits and pieces of the next fic chapter but I need to write a few things in between and edit it#but it's been sitting in my word doc for over a month yay#and I'm knitting instead#also a few sewing projects are cut and waiting for who knows how long#but not today I guess
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In theory, in theory, just in theory, would it be possible to commission someone to make art of Professor Layton (normal design in top image) in this outfit (outfit I want Layton in in bottom image)?:
Not making an offer!
Cause like I realllly need to save as much money as possible because American college is a scam along with the rest of the education system, but I'm not going down that firey hell hole at 7:02 in the morning.
....No, I did not literally just spend 25 dollars to get a cake with "Joyful Female Parent Earth Rotation" written on it for my mom on mothers day, shut up.
But seriously, I don't want to do it now, but for future reference, could I do that and how would I go about doing that? I've heard of people doing it, but I'm very much new to Tumblr, so I don't really know how it works.
#I'll put serious tags below these but the ADHD and autistic 7:14 AM brain would like to put some random silly and irrelevant ones first:#i don't know how to tumblr sorry#major Azran Legacy spoilers for the next few tags#“2 months ago Baron Augustus Reinhold Passed away”#“So did we!”#that's a PoeCollector64 reference#the first quotes a canon one from Layton and then they edited the scene so that the second quote was Luke's response#Spoilers Over#okay now for the serious tags#art#art commission#professor layton#hershel layton#curious village#professor layton and the curious village#gordon reinhold
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🎉🎉🎉The 404 Chronicles Website art is done 🎉🎉🎉
#HELL YEAH#THE NEXT STEP IS TO TAKE THE PHOTOS AND EDIT#IM GONNA BECOME SO ANNOYING ABOUT THIS IVE BEEN DRAWING 6 IMAGES OVER THE LAST FEW MONTHS#my stuff#delete later#???#the 404 chronicles
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I'm not looking forward to the next few months. My new Danno resolution is to make an edit of my banner for next April 3rd. As in, no procrastinating, tomorrow I start it, its gonna take forever
#dannypocalypse#this is gonna SUCK#the few month timeline is a fair guestimate when you keep in mind the number of faces in my banner and the arthritis#and also just burnout#last thing i need is to get sick of it and ditch it half way through#and potentially lose it and have to start over on the next attempt#i lost the first few versions of my banner when i was making it so im gonna be real paranoid about this edit#fingers crossed my tablet doesnt crash
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i have pushed myself really hard in terms of art and in terms of working with other people and im very proud of myself. also i never want to push myself to do anything hard ever again ever
#thats a lie. i have found it very fulfilling to work to improve even if being in Crisis Mode the last few months has stalled that#i dont know if...hm. i still dont think i like how my art looks next to others' art especially if they know what theyre doing#i think its still very clear im kind of. all over the place in terms of what i do (i dont really know what my art looks like#but it never looks consistent to me </3) but on its own i do often just like looking at it and knowing i made it. im proud of that.#i think...i dont have the confidence to work with other people and not completely melt down yet but maybe i will one day. i hope so#and anyway despite that ive been working with others anyway! as stressful as its been and as embarrassed as i am of my work#i also think that on its own outside of context its something new for me and it doesnt look like anyone elses but it looks good for what it#well. it looks okay for what it is <3 it could be better. but i was able to get to that point once and i feel like#fairly sure that if i work hard ill be able to do more and do it better in a years time.#its a nice thought. fingers crossed i guess!#anyway my god this has been what ive been eating sleeping and breathing since august at this point so i am ready to lie down#(lie)(lying)(person who is immediately going to work on video editing)(person who is immediately making lists of things to draw)
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he did not know
sorry about the pomni rt spam... is what i would say if i had more than 1 follower. i am not sorry clowngirl be upon ye
#“next few days”. extremely inaccurate forecast!#like i remember i fully expected to be into tadc for like a week to a month before moving on... well. surprise motherfucker :)#god it's been 4 months... that's nuts#another fun fact about my early tadc experience:#the entire reason i ended up here was a tiktok edit of that scene of ragatha having her little breakdown over abstraction#i was like “oh she's cute!! i love that animation!! ^-^" and i needed no more convincing lmao#maybe the fact it took like 5 seconds of 1 character to get me to watch it should've been a sign it was going to be significant#me chat.
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I heard that it (or at least just the art book) is supposed to come out before the end of June but idk if that’s true or not. Looking it up just shows that it’ll come out august 21st with no actual proof so I’d take that date with a grain of salt.
#BY THE WAY#Psy2 collector's edition started shipping AUGUST#GUESS WHO STILL. DOES NOT. HAVE. A SHIPPING CONFIRMATION.#''shipping out over the next few weeks!! 8)''#ITS BEEN THREE MONTHS.#im so genuinely fucking mad about this#dont interact if ur gonna tell me to be patient because you've missed the fucking point actually
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Communities closed beta is here
Hello again! We’re back with an update on Communities, a big idea we had last year that we’ve been working on steadily since then. We’re abnormally jazzed to announce that we’re beginning a “closed beta” phase of this new feature, which means many of you will get to play with it soon!
We want to build this whole thing together, with as much input from all of you as possible. We’ve read and re-read the feedback from our previous post, and we’ve been surveying and interviewing people about this idea for a few months now. But it’s time to open this up even more for hands-on testing.
We’ve already begun reaching out to most of you who interacted with our previous post, as promised, with a survey asking whether you’d be interested in helping (check your email!). Over the next couple of weeks, we’ll be using the results of that survey to narrow down who we’d like to help test Communities in these initial batches.
The process is looking a bit like this:
If you received a Communities survey email to your registered Tumblr email address, fill it out! If you’re interested in helping us in this beta test period, that’s your way of potentially getting early access. If you did not receive an email with the Communities survey, don’t fret! Communities will be rolling out to more people as we expand our testing.
We’ll go through the results and choose a diverse range of community ideas to gather a wide array of feedback.
Selected testers will receive a second survey with more detailed questions about their proposed community. Very practical stuff, like the name, title, and description, whether it should be public or private, the About page contents, its own community guidelines, and more.
We will create the new Tumblr community on your behalf using the information supplied. We’re building the tools that will let people create and edit communities themselves, so eventually you’ll be able to change them without needing our help. But for now, we’re creating and editing them for you, as needed.
After we’ve created the community, you’ll be made its first admin. Everything from here on out is up to you – Tumblr staff won’t be in your community (unless you invite us, of course). You’ll be able to invite anyone on Tumblr to your community. However, your community will have a population cap to start, limiting how many people can be in it and invited, as a way of keeping this beta test somewhat contained and manageable for us. We’ll be able to raise that population cap for communities that are growing and if we want to test further in that direction.
And throughout, we’ll be asking for feedback, both in some special communities for everyone in the closed beta, and via more surveys and the Support tickets we receive.
This closed beta version of Communities is far from finished, and that’s part of the reason we want to start opening it up to more of you for feedback. There are a lot of rough edges and known issues, but we think it’s far enough along that it’s usable enough for testing. We need feedback in order to feel like we’re building the right thing.
The very first public community is called “Communities Feedback” for this reason! We want everyone helping us test out communities to tell us about it, so people in this closed beta will be in there by default. We want to use that space to be more public and real-time about new pieces we’re building, bugs we’re fixing, things we know are broken, and answers to common questions. There is an additional, private community for community admins, to help shape how administrating and moderating these spaces will work. And if you don’t want to use those spaces, you can always use the “Feedback” category in our Support form.
Stay tuned for more, and keep an eye on that Communities Feedback space if you’d like to see how things are changing over time.
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the re-do | m.s. |
matt sturniolo x fem!reader
summary: y/n participates in the triplets' "dirty q&a" video, where she accidentally infers that her experience losing her virginity to matt back in high school had been mediocre. instead of taking offence, matt makes it his mission to show her just how much he has improved since then.
warnings: SMUT; established friendship; m/f oral; unprotected p in v; dirty talk; 18+
notes: hi guys! this is my first ever one shot so pls be gentle with me (i'm genuinely so terrified to post this). it has absolutely NOT been proof read forgive me, but i hope you all enjoy <333
“Guys why am I actually nervous to film this?” Nick proclaimed from his place in the backseat of the car beside me. “No I am genuinely so scared right now.” Replied Chris from the seat in front of me as he began passing out our respective orders from McDonalds.
“We can’t act nervous or else the fans are gonna go even crazier than they already will.” Added Nick as Matt adjusted the camera on the dash. “You’re sure you’re gonna be able to handle the inevitable shit talking that’s gonna come from all this?” Matt asked as he turned to face me in the back. I took a deep breath but nodded. “The more they see me the more desensitized they’ll be. They’ll have to eventually get over it.”
As one of the triplet’s closest girl friends, I had been on the receiving end of a fair amount of hate from their fangirls on the internet. Because I had known them since elementary school, I had been a part of many of their earlier videos when their fans had still been pretty chill about our friendship. But over the past year, a new wave of younger fans had found the videos and had made it their life mission to publicly bash me any chance that they could. It became too much when, a few months ago, one of them decided to spread a rumour that Chris and I had slept together based on nothing other than strategically edited clips of us smiling at each other. It was then that the guys and I had made the decision to keep me as out of the public eye as possible.
However, the guys had sat me down last week to explain how fed up they were with how restricted they felt they had been in their content. They wanted to make an attempt at reclaiming a fandom built primarily of viewers closer to our age, and they thought that the best way to try that was to ignore the petty complaints and make content that they wanted to make. So, since I had been staying with them in Los Angeles for the month, I had agreed to not only be in one of their regular videos, but I had agreed to be in their ‘dirty q&a’ video. I couldn’t lie, I was a bit nervous, but mostly I was excited that my friends were finally confident enough to make videos with more extreme topics.
“Alright guys, ya’ll ready?” Chris asked, intaking a sharp breath while his hand hovered over the record button on the camera. We all responded with a falsely enthusiastic “ready!”, and the camera was turned on.
“Alright, first question,” Nick began after his long-winded introduction filled with disclaimers and explanations for their change in content. “How many people have you slept with?” Already with the first question, it was obvious that the guys were tentative about answering. “Bro I don’t know, next question.” Chris responded, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hands. “What do you mean by ‘I don’t know’ Chris?” Asked Matt tauntingly. “I mean I haven’t fucking kept track of everyone I’ve slept with.” He responded bluntly, before realizing how bad that had sounded. We all, however, erupted into laughter immediately. “Okay okay it’s not that bad guys I swear, I just have a bad memory is all.” He attempted to remedy his previous answer, but all three of us continued to laugh.
“Matt, how about you?” Asked Nick, to which Matt simply held up five fingers to the camera. “Same with me.” Nick agreed before turning to me. “Y/n? Spill it.” I rolled my eyes before answering truthfully. “Seven.” I shrugged, and I caught Matt’s smiley eyes through the rear view mirror.
“Alright next question is…” Chris was scrolling through the responses to their Instagram threads. “How old were you when you lost your virginity?”
“Sixteen” We all responded in unison, and immediately buckled over in laughter. “Not all at once though ya’ll.” Nick explained through his laughter, while mine and Matt’s eyes flew open and Chris’ laugh turned into hysterics. “Well…” Chris began before he was cut short by the three of us telling him to shut up. “I’m definitely gonna have to cut that one out. Sorry you two fools, I kind of set him up there.” Nick rolled his eyes as he looked between Matt and I.
Ironically enough, the fans had been half right in their rumour about Chris and I sleeping together. I had slept with one of the triplets before, but it wasn’t Chris.
When we were sixteen, Matt and I had decided that we wanted to lose our virginities to each other. It had been a no-strings-attached decision, and our friendship thankfully never wavered after it was done. Both Nick and Chris had already lost theirs that same year, and we had both just kind of wanted to get it over with. Obviously, this piece of information was known only by Matt and I, and of course Chris and Nick since they had barged into the room while we were in bed together. Even though the vindictive side of me would love to have the fans know this piece of information and shatter their dreams, I knew that the fallout would be an absolute nightmare.
“Okay let’s see…” I had been handed Nick’s phone to choose a question to answer and was scrolling through my options. “Here’s a simple one. Favourite position? Mine’s speed bump for sure.” I placed the phone down, satisfied with my confident answer, only to be met with multiple pairs of confused eyes. “I beg your pardon? The fuck is speed bump?” Asked Nick as he took his phone back. “The one where you’re kinda just lying flat on your stomach with the guy behind you. Trust me it’s chef’s kiss.” I responded simply. Chris’ facial expression turned from confusion to one of understanding. “Ohhh yeah that’s a good one.” He replied as he dapped me up. “Great, gonna have to edit that out too unless you want the rumours to get really bad again.” Nick said as he rolled his eyes. “Shit, sorry Nick.” Chris said, giggling slightly.
“Let’s just move on.” Matt said as he began scrolling on his own phone. “Best and worst sexual experiences.” He read off of his screen. There was a moment of silence while we all thought of our answers. “I had a girl throw up on my dick once. The problem is I don’t know if that makes it the worst or the best though.” Said Chris, earning a loud groan from each of us. “You’re sick.” Replied Matt, giving his brother a disgusted look.
“I mean I guess the worst sex would probably be my first time right? Like that makes sense right?” Asked Nick in an attempt to steer the conversation away from Chris’ confession, to which I nodded in agreed response without thinking. I caught Matt’s eyes in the rearview mirror again, this time seeing them filled with a pleading expression. Realizing what I had done, I silently prayed to the universe that my action would go unnoticed by the others. Unfortunately and unsurprisingly, my head nod didn’t make it past Chris, which was made incredibly clear when he mumbled to Nick behind his hand that was hiding his smiling mouth from the camera.
“Did you see that?” He asked, and Nick looked confused so he continued, “Y/n agreed with you about her first time.” He managed to get out before erupting into laughter at the expense of his brother. Matt threw his hands up in the air once Nick joined Chris in his giggling, and I winced from my place in the backseat; also mouthing an apology to Matt’s reflection in the mirror.
“Bro come on it was my first time! I guarantee you were trash your first time too.” Matt said in an attempt to repair his ego as he threw his empty cup at Chris. “Maybe so, but I don’t have the girl who I lost it to here in the car to confirm it.” Chris snarked back, playfully nudging Matt’s shoulder. “We all gotta start somewhere dude.” He added when Matt didn’t respond. As Nick continued choking on his own laughter, Matt crossed his arms and stared out the window, very clearly wishing he was anywhere but there in that moment.
“Okay okay,” Nick began catching his breath. “We need to cool it because 90% of that what we just filmed is completely unusable. Let’s please just try to make it through this video without exposing Matt and Y/n’s bumpy sexual history again.” He pleaded as he began scrolling through his phone to find new questions.
─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─
“God, that was rough.” Said Chris as we all climbed out of the parked car. We had finally finished the video. It took us an hour to film, and would still be edited down to just twenty minutes of content where we weren’t exposing big secrets or directly fuelling past rumours.
“At least it’s done. It might be a while before I ever want to do that again.” Nick responded as he opened the garage door leading into their house. “Agreed.” Added Matt from behind me as we climbed the stairs to the main level. We all walked over to the fridge to grab drinks, as if the beverages would clean our dirty mouths.
“Alright,” Chris began after a hefty chug from his Pepsi, “I’m going to my room. Matt, Nick, get on Fortnite with me.” He began descending the stairs. “I’ll get on once I shower Chris. I have a desperate need to scrub this FILTH off of my body.” Replied Nick, and he began walking towards the stairs leading to his bedroom. “Y/n, come upstairs whenever you want to go to sleep and I’ll get off the game.” He called over his shoulder as he disappeared at the top of the stairs.
Matt and I were left alone in the kitchen, him sitting at the table and me sitting on top of the counter in between the stove and the fridge. Swinging my legs carelessly, I decided to break the silence first. “I’m really sorry about all of that in the car Matt. I didn’t mean it.” He looked up at me and chuckled. “Yes you did, and it’s not a big deal. I know I wasn’t great back then.” He responded before taking a drink from his can. I smiled softly at his response but decided to leave it be. There was no use in trying to deny it. The sex was just boring, short, and awkward; the way that most first times are. At least he didn’t take any offence to it.
“You know,” He began after a few moments of silence, his eyes shooting to mine as he stood up from his place at the kitchen table. “I’ve gotten much better.” A playful smirk travelled to his lips as he began walking towards my frozen figure on the counter. He stopped just a few short centimetres away from me, so close that I could reach out and touch any part of him that I wanted. I couldn’t tell if he was fucking with me, until I felt his early signs of arousal press lightly against my knee.
My throat was dry, and I felt like a deer in headlights. Even though Matt and I had slept together when we were younger, the dynamic was much different than now. The proposition came about awkwardly, and we were a fumbling mess with very little understanding of how it felt to be aroused. But in this moment, I was very very aroused just from this conversation.
In my silence, he placed a firm hand on my hip, rubbing his thumb across it gently. “I can do just about anything. Just let me know how you want it and I can give it to you.” My stomach did a somersault at his words, and I felt my panties dampen. He used his free hand to push my legs apart so that he could stand in between them, and my limp hands subconsciously moved up to grab onto his shoulders. At the first sign of my willingness, Matt quickly leaned forward and peppered soft, teasingly slow kisses along my neck. His lips travelled up to my ear, where he bit the lobe playfully before whispering, “Well, tell me. How do you want me Y/n?”
His words caused me to clench on nothing and I nearly moaned from the anticipation. With him still waiting on my response I whispered back, “You can do anything you want to me, Matty.”
Without missing a beat, he attacked my lips with his own and I melted from the immediate relief. I moved my hands from his shoulders up to the base of his head, and as his tongue danced along with mine I pulled gently at his messy hair; my own mouth filling with a moan falling from his lips. His right hand traveled up my grey hoodie to find that I had nothing on underneath, and he lightly brushed the bottom of my left tit with his thumb. Suddenly his hands moved from under my shirt and gripped my ass as he effortlessly lifted me off the counter and into his arms. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he stumbled towards his bedroom.
Once inside the undisturbed room, he placed me down on his desk, my ass hitting the mouse and causing the computer to turn on; casting a light on the otherwise dark room. He wasted no time in removing my hoodie, leaning me back slightly so he could easily twirl his tongue along each nipple. I hummed in pleasure from the warm, wet sensation of his mouth connecting to my skin, and brought my hand down in between our bodies to softly run my hand up and down his clothed hardness. After a few moments, he pushed my hand away and dropped to his knees in between my legs.
Pulling my grey sweats off my body and pushing my thong to the side in one quick motion, Matt took a moment to relish in my swollen, dripping hole. “I don’t remember you being this wet for me last time.” He smirked as he looked up at me with blown out pupils. “Let’s see if you taste the same.” My eyes rolled to the back of my head at his filthy words, and a moan slipped from between my lips as his mouth made sloppy contact with my sensitive bud. I subconsciously grabbed onto the back of his head, suffocating him with my heat as he continued to suck and kiss my clit. As his tongue worked on my nerves, he released a guttural moan that vibrated against my heat, causing my back to arch at the intense feeling.
When we had done this all of those years before, Matt’s movements were lacking in confidence. He had fumbled around my clit blindly, and had ate me out cautiously as if he was afraid of hurting me. Now, this Matt had clearly gained experience, as my stomach was already beginning to fill with the familiar pressure from the build up of an orgasm once I watched him find all of my most sensitive spots; his eyes blissfully closed.
Suddenly, he pulled his mouth away from my heat and I groaned at the loss of contact. He straightened his body back up to my level and brought his face so close to mine that our noses were touching. “Kiss me. I want you to know how good you taste.” He whispered through his glistening bright red lips. More on fire than I had ever been in my life, I immediately attached my open mouth to his, moaning at the distinct taste of my sweet arousal on his tongue. As we deepened the kiss, his fingers found my heat and he ran two of them up and down my folds to collect my wetness before slamming them into my cunt; finding my spongey g-spot on the first pump with his curled fingers.
My head rolled back, lost in the euphoric feeling of his fingers filling me up, and he watched my facial expressions intently as the wet sounds of my upcoming orgasm filled the space between us. “Holy fuck, Matt.” I slurred, my voice coming out choppy as his fingers continued to relentlessly pound into me; never losing contact with that one spot that drove me crazy. “I-I’m gonna-” I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the very beginning of my orgasm roll over my body.
Suddenly, all of his movements stopped and my eyes shot open out of frustration. In the time since my eyes had screwed shut, his own had darkened in arousal. My body trembled from the sudden halt in its pleasure, and he smirked at me. “You want to cum, sweetheart?” He asked, his kind words a harsh paradox to his sinister expression. Still, I nodded eagerly to which he pulled his fingers out of me completely before leaning up and placing his wet mouth right against my ear.
“You’re gonna fucking wait for me.”
I attempted to squeeze my legs together to take some pressure off of my throbbing, unsatisfied core as his vulgar words scrambled my brain, before he pulled me off the desk and pushed my head down so that I was now the one on my knees. Confused, I looked up to find him gazing down at me. He gestured towards his clothed member. “Go ahead.” I grinned slyly.
My turn.
I had made an attempt at giving him head the first time we had sex. Just like him, I had struggled with confidence due to the sole fact that I had no clue what I was doing. Since then, I had had plenty of practice, and I was excited to now be the one to show him my improvements.
I grabbed onto the waist band of his pyjama pants and pulled them down to his knees. With only his tight red boxer shorts covering it now, the outline of his thick cock and the small wet spot at its tip from his pre-cum made my mouth water. I brought my mouth up to the skin on his lower stomach, right above the Calvin Klein logo on his boxers, and began peppering excruciatingly slow kisses along the light sprinkling of hair there. I glanced up at him through my eyelashes to find him peering down at me with curious lust, his mouth open slightly and his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths.
After a short while, I grabbed his boxers and pulled them down to meet his pants at his knees. His hardened cock smacked his stomach on its release from the tight material, where it left a wet patch from his pre-cum. Grabbing it with my left hand, I collected a pool of saliva in my mouth and stared up at him as I let it all drip down his swollen member. After pumping my hand for a few strokes, I placed only the tip in my mouth as I watched his eyes dilate. I swirled my tongue teasingly along the swollen tip, tasting the the saltiness of his fluid. Eventually, I began pumping my hand up and down his shaft in rhythm with my head bobbing along the top half of his cock. He shifted on his feet at the new sensation and let his head fall back. I kept my pace agonizingly lazy, knowing that it would drive him crazy.
With my tongue, I licked a strip from the base of his ball sack, up his shaft, and to his tip, earning a hushed whimper from his lethargic mouth before he grabbed my hair and shifted his hips. Looking down at me and holding my head firmly in place, he began thrusting his hips as he kept me still. He started slow, but when he realized that I could take more his pace began to pick up and his cock began to hit deep in my throat. I looked up at him through my tear-filled eyes, and saliva began to drip down my chin. “Fuck you look so good with my cock in your mouth.” He grunted out through each thrust. I lifted my hand to cup his balls, giving them gentle squeezes that seemed to send him towards his climax.
As a moan fell from his lips, he pulled my head back so that his dripping cock sprung free before he got the chance to fill my mouth with his cum. He stood there for a moment with his eyes closed taking deep breaths as if he was fighting the urge to finish right then, before he opened his eyes and gazed down at me. “Get on the bed.”
I pulled myself up off the ground and, on shaky legs, walked over to his bed with him following close behind. Once I reached the edge of the bed he stopped me, turning me around to face him and pushing me down so I would sit. “Put your feet on the bed and pull your knees up to your chest.” He commanded, and I did as I was told, albeit I was a bit confused. “Good girl.” He praised me as he pulled me right up to the edge of the bed before pushing my legs further apart.
Placing one of his knees on the bed beside me, he lined his cock up with my entrance; rubbing it tantalizingly along my wetness. Placing one arm around my waist to brace my body, he slowly pushed his cock inside of me right there on the edge of the bed. His trusts were slow but harsh, and the position he had placed us in made it so that my cervix was barrelled into each time his hips met mine. He placed his sweat-coated forehead against my collar bone and released small breathless grunts with each deep thrust. “So fucking good Matt. Oh god.” I whined as his pace began to increase in speed. He planted his teeth into my shoulder as we fell back onto the bed; his body now completely on top of mine as he continued to drive into me.
He lifted his head and looked fixedly at my fucked out face, his eyes glossed over in erotic pleasure. With this visual, I was brought back to the first time we had fucked, in a position so similar to this one. His rhythm was slower and much more tentative, and we were both certainly much less pleasing to the other, but still I suddenly got hit with a wave of recognition in how much we had both grown since then.
I was pulled out of my trance by Matt’s commanding voice. “Move back real quick and get on your stomach.” I did as I was told, feeling the emptiness that came from his dick sliding out of my soaking wet pussy. Assuming he wanted me in doggy, I got on my knees and arched my back; my head and shoulders pressed firmly against the soft mattress. I felt the bed move as he climbed on all the way, and in a moment of animalistic desperation I pushed my needy cunt subconsciously back to meet heat of his cock.
“No.” He stated simply, his veiny hands massaging my ass. Confused, I looked over my shoulder as I waited for him to explain. He had an ominous smile as he moved his gaze from my fully exposed cunt to my face. “I wanna see if your favourite position is really worth the hype.” He used his hands on my ass to push it down flat to the bed before adjusting himself so that he could line up correctly. Still looking over my shoulder with glazed eyes, I watched his expression as his cock sunk into my core once again. His jaw was clenched tightly and his eyelashes fluttered slightly from the new sensation that the position gave him as he bottomed out. “Oh fuck.” His eyes were fully shut now as he stayed still for a moment. Small beads of sweat traveled down his stomach as I took in the beauty of the man who was making me feel so so good.
Getting turned on even more just from Matt’s visual pleasure, my walls clenched subconsciously and I whined, “Please keep going Matty.” His eyes snapped open and landed on mine, before he leaned forward — one hand beside my head and the other planted firmly to the small of my back — and began pounding into me relentlessly.
The depth of this position allowed me to feel every inch of his cock, and it became impossible to keep the moans and strings of profanity from escaping my lips. This seemed to be the case for Matt too, as over the sounds of my own moans and the wet sounds of our bodies connecting, I could hear the gruff throaty moans of his own pleasure. “Fuck. You’re so fucking tight Y/n.” Even though I was aware that we were both making far too much noise that Chris and Nick would definitely hear, I couldn’t get myself to bring it to Matt’s attention, as the animalistic vocalization of his indulgence was bringing me closer and closer to my climax.
“I-I need to cum Matty.” I managed to vocalize as my nerves began to unravel. “Hold it. Want you to cum with me.” He responded, leaning even further forward so that his body was practically lying on top of mine. He took a free hand and wrapped it around my throat, lightly squeezing the sides as my pleasure became dangerously close to bubbling over.
“P-Please cum for me. I can’t hold it anymore.” I begged, digging my nails into his silk bedsheets and feeling my walls quiver each time he drove his cock into my cervix. His breathing became hitched in my ear and his movements became sloppier. Biting my ear, he asked, “Where do you want me to cum, Y/n?”
Without wasting time, I moaned my response. “Cum in me please. Want you to fill me with it.” At that, Matt slammed his twitching cock into me a few more times before finally telling me what I so desperately needed him to.
“Okay sweetheart. Go ahead and make a mess for me.” Even before his words fully left his dirty mouth, I gave into the overbearing pressure in my stomach and felt my intense orgasm over-take me. Practically screaming his name, my pussy convulsed uncontrollably. I felt the immediate relief and heard the gush as I squirted along his cock and down his legs. “Jesus.” He moaned out as his body suddenly stilled. As my legs shook, I could feel his cock twitching inside of me; painting my walls with his cum.
After we both came down from our highs, catching our breath and reconnecting with our minds, Matt slowly pulled his dick — freshly bathed in my own juices — out of my swollen core. With a satisfied sigh, he threw his body onto the bed beside mine. Both of us laid there for a moment, facing one another with glazed over expressions, before a shameless smile crept onto Matt’s face.
“Well you definitely didn’t squirt the last time we slept together.” He chuckled proudly, and I knew his ego had been inflated. I rolled my eyes. “Well, you didn’t whimper the last time we fucked either.” It was my turn to smile as he covered his face bashfully. We laid there in silence for a moment, both of us lethargic and fucked out.
“If that was anything like when ya’ll lost your virginities then I am extremely impressed.”
Matt and I both shot our heads up and looked around the room for the origin of that familiar voice. We were alone, but my eyes focused on the lit-up computer. On the screen, Matt’s Discord was open to the group with Nick and Chris. I turned to look at Matt, who had also clearly made the same discovery that I had, and whispered, “Did you for real leave the channel unmuted?” He tucked his lips together and shrugged apprehensively, before climbing off the bed and over to the computer.
“Chris, how much of that did you hear?” He asked into his headset. I heard a laugh through the mic. “Oh Matt, I heard it all. Good work. I’m a proud brother.” I covered my face in embarrassment as Matt rolled his eyes. “Fuck off. You’re a perv.” He mumbled to his brother, but I caught the small smile that tried to creep to his lips.
“I’m gonna need a fucking lobotomy to get over the trauma that I was just put through.” I heard Nick’s voice now through the mic and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Bro you could have just left the server, you act like I forced you to listen to the entire thing.” Matt argued with his older brother. “You think I stayed and listened to the ENTIRE thing? What are you crazy?” I was full out laughing now, despite the embarrassment. “I left as soon as I figured out what was happening, but I still heard waaaay too much.” Matt laughed now and muted his mic — perhaps a bit too late — then walked back to where I was on the bed, propped up on my forearms.
“Whoops.” He simply said as he pulled his boxers back up. I shook my head and smiled shyly. “We are literally never going to be able to live that down.” I replied as he draped his body along the bed beside me again. Rubbing his eyes awkwardly, he shrugged softly. “Well, at least they’re gonna have to stop teasing me about my skills.” I smacked his arm playfully and he responded by grabbing me swiftly and pulling me to his side.
“You were impressed, weren’t you?” He asked teasingly, as he held me close. I closed my eyes and sighed, “I was, Matt. Really, really, impressed.” He giggled into my neck at my truthful response and I swatted him once again.
“I’m glad we got our re-do. I’d been wanting that for a while.” He said after a moment. I looked at him with a smile and ruffled his hair. “Me too, honestly. I always knew you had some potential in you.” I teased.
“Well, if you don’t want to have to face Nick right now, you’re welcome to sleep in here tonight.” He offered and I sighed in relief. “That would be great, actually.” I said as I began to sit up. “Let’s get cleaned up first though.” He began as he got up and grabbed us both towels from his closet, “You’re not allowed to get under my sheets until you wash my children off your thighs.” My eyes shot open at his disgusting choice of words and I quickly covered myself with my towel. “Matthew Bernard you are sick!” I exclaimed as we both headed towards his bathroom. “Sure am. But so are you.”
He pulled me into a hug while we stood in the bathroom waiting for the shower to warm up. As he rubbed circles on my back with his hand, I sighed. “I think this is the secret to good friendship.” He chuckled before asking, “What is?” Playfully, I smacked his ass over his boxers. “Fucking the shit out of each other once in a while.” He laughed and pulled away from the hug before getting into the shower; leaving the glass door open so that I could follow him. “Shut your weird ass up and get in the shower with me, friend.”
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