sunflowerwinds

[sunflowerwinds]

i know you | e.w

“I'm here regardless of the pain

Don't ever tell me to go away

From you” — Faye Webster

summary: your girlfriend, parker, hasn’t been ellie’s favorite person but she puts up with her for you. when parker behavior pushes ellie too far, she reveals how she truly feels of parker and you.

pairing: ellie williams x f!reader

contains: displays of a toxic relationship, sweet heart!reader who deserves better, yearning!ellie, protective!ellie, love confessions, first kisses and fluff!

word count: 4.9K

a/n: deticated to the lovely @korn-dawg & @elliescoquettegirl <3 well, hello everyone! i missed you all :,) here’s a bit of ellie fluff to kick off my comeback! comments and reblogs are always appreciated ♥︎ ♥︎

There’s a fine line between romantic and platonic love.

Ellie felt like she was battling that every second she spent with you. The two of you have been friends for four years now, escaping the horrors of high school to enduring the struggles of your early twenties together. You became friends in senior year through a mutual friend and had been inseparable since.

The irritation that spikes in her veins watching you from across the table at this group hangout at the local bowling alley lit her skin aflame. You lean into your girlfriend, Parker, as you chuckle softly at something she said in your ear. You shake your head, standing up to bowl next, as Jesse walks back with a groan and curse at his turn.

It’s not that Ellie hated your girlfriend. It’s–Well, okay, she does hate her. A year of her bullshit and Ellie felt she had every right to silently loathe the girl.

She could name about ten things just off the top of her head that she despised about the girl that had the honor to call you hers.

“Jesse, dude, c’mon!” Dina begins to tease the boy as she raises her foot to nudge his calf playfully.

Ellie snorts as she sips her Sprite, eyes following your figure as you pick up a good 10 pound ball. She always has her eyes on you.

“I’m… out of practice. What’s it to you?” Jesse scoffs as he settles back next to Dina and Parker with a roll of his eyes.

Dina rests her head on his shoulder before patting his cheek playfully. “Poor thing. Just say you suck at bowling.”

Parker shakes her head, pushing back her dirty blonde flyaways as she eats another mozzarella stick from the table. She’s not even paying attention to you, Ellie thinks as Parker just goes on her phone for a minute while shoving another mozzarella stick down her throat.

Ellie’s chest aches when she watches you roll in a strike, turning around with the sweetest and most excited smile she’s seen. Oh, what a vision you are without fail.

“Baby, did you see?” You walk over to Parker and point at the animation for a strike displaying on the monitor above the lane.

Parker clicks off her phone, setting it aside as she immediately puts on that phony facade that Ellie hates more than anything. Her smile is fake as she pulls you into her lap and places possessive kisses on your cheek.

Ellie almost rolled her eyes at that alone.

“Yeah, I saw, babe.” She reassures you, humming against your skin.

The rest of the night had followed that pattern with you and Parker. You would take your turn and she would go on her phone, completely dismissing your presence until you drew her attention back in with physical affection. Ellie couldn’t tell if you were completely unaware or made excuses in your mind about your girlfriend's behavior.

That’s just it.

The freckled girl isn’t sure if she should even say anything, because is it her place? Is it that serious to have to bring up? So she kept her mouth shut and held back her huffs and sighs when it was mentioned that Parker was tagging along again to another group hangout.

Then your birthday came rolling around.

The friend group plus some gathered for a surprise party at Dina and Jesse's place. Ellie planned about 98% of the party, making sure your girlfriend did the one important thing which was to bring you there.

The second you walked through the door holding onto Parker's hands that were hovering over your eyes, Ellie imagined for a split second being the one you could hold on to, giggling to yourself from excitement and nerves.

She uncovers your eyes and you scan the area when everyone shouted ‘Happy Birthday’ with cheap confetti poppers and sound makers. You gasp and cover your palm with a chuckle in disbelief at the people there. Your eyes lock on Ellie and grateful tears puddle in the corners of your eyes as the two of you share a soft smile.

“Guys, this is amazing.” You shake your head.

“Happy birthday, baby.” Parker kisses underneath your ear before letting you go to socialize with your friends.

You immediately wrap your arms around Ellie’s neck, hugging her tightly as you rock side to side in her arms. Ellie hums softly and tells you ‘happy birthday’ in the loving tone in your ear.

“God, I already want cake.” You huff against Ellie’s neck, giving her one last squeeze before reluctantly releasing her.

“Well, you still have to get drunk and scarf down dinner.” Ellie teases as her hand lingers around your mid-back.

Her eyes follow behind you to see Parker furiously typing on her phone. She holds back her scoff and focuses on making sure that you have fun on your birthday. You groan at her words and greet everyone else with genuine ‘thank you for making it’s’.

Not even half an hour passes of you taking three birthday shots, sporting a 2 dollar ‘birthday girl’ sash now and playing an intense game of ‘Uno’ before Parker pulls you aside from the group. Ellie and Dina lock eyes as she watches your face drop at whatever Parker is telling you.

“I mean, can’t you stay a little longer?” Ellie catches you timidly asking your girlfriend.

Is she fucking leaving your birthday party?

“I can’t, babe. I’ll see you later, alright?” Her tone is too stern for Ellie’s liking.

Not seeming to have the fight in you to beg for her to stay, you nod reluctantly at her words. Parker sighs at you before pecking your cheek with a gentle ‘love you’ before walking towards Dina’s front door. Everyone's attention focuses on you as you come back to the table sucking in a shaky breath as an attempt to mask how much that hurt you.

A beat of silence passes over the group before you shake your head and point at the door that Parker had left from.

“She, uh, had to be somewhere. Let’s just continue.” You wave it off as you release a forced chuckle.

“On your birthday?” Ellie couldn't help but question out loud, a drop of irritation lingering on her tight words.

Dina nudges her calf harshly at her comment and silently widens her eyes at her to not start this now. Your eyes flicker between Dina and Ellie, noticing the tension immediately.

“It’s fine guys. She had this thing she couldn’t get out of. It’s really okay.” Your tone is defensive as you look around the table at your friends. “Now, let’s get me more drunk so I can eat my cake.”

Not believing you for one second, Ellie forces herself to not question you any further. You were already on the fence of breaking down; she knows you.

“Whatever the birthday girl wants,” she puts her hands up in defense.

The night went on like nothing happened; like your girlfriend didn’t very openly reveal herself to be a shitty person to you no matter how much everyone tried to ignore it. You sang karaoke with your arms slung around Dina and Jesse's necks, swaying sloppily from the amount of shots you had taken. The night flew by and the next thing everyone knew, it was 1 AM.

Everyone had gone home for the night except for Dina and Ellie. Ellie’s sister, Sarah, left with two to-go plates full of food and Jesse is knocked out on the couch with dried frosting covering his upper lip. Dina was taking a long shower while Ellie cleans up. You’re attempting to help but Ellie kept redirecting you to sit down as you were struggling to stand on two feet.

Those 6 tequila shots were catching up to you pretty quick now.

“You… are m’bestfriend in the whole world, Elsie.” You slur as you fiddle with your birthday sash.

Ellie hums in agreement as you fiddle with your birthday sash sitting on your body, slumped next to Jesse’s knocked out figure on the couch.

“Am I now?” She teases as she looks at you from across the island where she was washing the dishes.

“Mhmmm. That's why Parker hates when you're around.”

Ellie stills for a second before pressing her lips into a thin line. Well, the feeling is extremely mutual, she thinks to herself.

“Really?” Her tone is flat.

“Yep. Says you’re too ‘obsessed’ with me or somethin’ like that.” You smack your lips and wipe at your tingling face, eyes fluttering shut. “But I don’t hate when you’re around, Els.”

Ellie turns off the faucet to make sure she’s hearing you right. She wipes off her sud-soaked hands on the dish towel and shakes her head, then, makes her way over to your slumped body. She hooks an arm around your waist to hoist you up onto your feet.

“Well, I think it's time for bed, birthday girl. Did you have fun?”

You seem to think for a moment before nodding slowly. “For a little with you guys. I wish Parker hadn’t left. I wanted her here.”

Ellie’s chest tightened at your solemn words, holding you up with two hands secured at your waist to guide you to Dina’s guest room.

“I’m sorry she left,” she said sincerely.

Not because she wanted that low effort piece-of-shit there, but because she hates seeing you so low over someone who couldn’t even spend more than an hour at her girlfriend's birthday celebration.

You snort as you let out a low sigh. “And you know what she got me as a gift? Birthday sex.”

Ellie frowns at that as she carefully sits you down on the mattress, unable to think of a response to your confession.

“I mean, at least tha’ was good. The sex, I mean. A-And when she’s sweet, she’s so sweet to me, Els.” You ramble as you remove the dollar-store sash from your body before flopping onto the bed’s comforter.

Ellie’s face lit aflame at the mention of you and Parker being more intimate. But, she can’t help but focus on the fact that your girlfriend’s digging herself into a deeper and deeper hole that she is never coming out of.

She went home that night thinking about how casually you defended her shitty actions; how natural it came to you. Her mind kept replaying how you looked like a kicked puppy at her leaving your birthday party. How was she so comfortable with treating you like that? Like you were so easy to forget and discard?

The next morning, Ellie had decided that enough was enough and she had to speak up about this situation. Dina had texted Ellie that same morning saying how she was going to leave her house for you and her to have a talk.

Jesse, Dina and Ellie had a group thread of messages where they would talk about how Parker was tagging along again after you promised to just be you this time, seeing how much you tried to be positive around Parker in group hangouts but if she was in a bad mood, she made it your problem.

Just a Parker hate circle.

So, with warm coffee and breakfast burritos in her hands as peace offerings, she knocks on the door of Dina’s place. To her surprise, you answered the door with lightly damp hair and what she was assuming were Dina’s pajamas.

“Hi. Is that food?” Your eyes lock on the paper bag in Ellie’s hand.

She chuckles at your eagerness and nods, handing it to you. “Hi. Yes, here you go. And I brought you your favorite coffee for the hangover.”

You let out a thankful sigh and give her a bonecrushing hug. “Thank you. God, I’ve had a shitty morning.”

Ellie grunts softly at the sudden attack and holds you close with one arm as the other holds the coffees in the drink carrier.

“What happened?” Ellie questions as she keeps you close until you back up to let her into Dina’s apartment.

A movie is paused on the living room TV as you guide her to the couch, settling into the cozy cushions. Ellie follows in pursuit and begins to open her own breakfast burrito and sips her own coffee.

“Well, woke up with a hangover,” you pointed to the to-go coffee cup with a soft chuckle, “threw up immediately, then I checked my phone to see that Parker still hasn’t texted me since… y’know.”

Ellie fucking knew it. “Seriously? After being at your birthday party for maybe half an hour?”

You sigh and nod, taking a long sip of the warm liquid to soothe your throat.

“I mean, she’s probably still sleeping,” you shrug your shoulders as you take a hefty bite of your burrito.

Ellie scoffs and takes a bite of her own burrito, avoiding your eye-line.

“It's 10 in the morning.” She mumbles as she continues eating.

“Ellie,” you give her a soft warning to not start.

“No, don’t ‘Ellie’ me. I’m sorry but why the fuck do you put up with the way she treats you?” She turns to you with a mix of concern and frustration.

Your eyes widen at the sound of her tone change, setting your burrito down as your chest tightens at the confrontation. Your mouth falls open slightly but not a single word leaves your lips.

Ellie shakes her head as she motions to your phone that still had no text from Parker resting on the table in front of you two. “She always wants to know where you’re at and what you’re doing but the second you ask for the same shit, she doesn’t tell you and accuses you of being insecure and that you don’t trust her. It’s bullshit.”

“Ellie, it’s not like that. You don’t get it.” You weakly argue, fiddling with your fingers.

“I get that she treats you like you’re just someone to fuck and control. I mean, even with her leaving the party early, you would think she would get you a gift but no. You’ve been with her for over a year now. This is,” she lets out a long sigh, “not healthy.”

Your eyes prick with tears as you raise your hand to wipe them away before they could fall. Your breath hitches as you lean forward and let yourself crumble into Ellie’s hoodie, gripping onto the fabric as an attempt to keep yourself composed.

“She hates me being away from her, Ellie. I… I get so scared of making her mad o-or to have her ignoring me.” Your voice cracks as you sniffle against her shoulder.

Ellie’s eyes shut as she mutters a low curse before wrapping her arms around you, already feeling like she came on too harsh.

“You shouldn’t feel like you can’t have freedom in a relationship, babe,” her tone softens, rubbing your back.

An unsteady sigh leaves your trembling lips as you lift your head up to look Ellie in the eyes. The warmth of the green in her eyes makes you cry softly, unable to hide from her any longer. Her hand takes hold of yours, rubbing the back of it with her thumb with loving care.

“Do you… want to leave her?” Ellie questions.

You suck in a sharp breath as you sniffle. “I think so.”

Ellie would be lying to herself if she wasn’t a little disappointed how you didn’t jump immediately to ‘yes, fuck Parker’. You are too understanding, too willing to forgive and forget. Too kind-hearted.

“She’s not worth it. She doesn’t deserve you,” Ellie hand grips onto yours tighter, frustrated with the whole situation.

You give Ellie a squeeze back, wiping your eyes with your free hand.

“I know you’re right.” You huff, shaking your head before looking up to stare into the comfort of her eyes. “Thank you. For everything that you do for me, Els.”

Ellie felt her cheeks and the tip of her ears light aflame at your soft, vulnerable words.

“Don’t thank me. I just couldn’t stand by and not say anything anymore.”

She waves it off like it's nothing because she’s afraid she’ll say the truth.

“Still,” you lean into her shoulder, resting your head on her as you continue to eat your now luke-warm burrito now that you no longer feel like crying.

You two stayed like that for hours; just snuggled up in each other's presence unable to move away from the comfortability of one another. Ellie takes you back to your and Parker’s shared apartment, hesitant to watch you go back to her.

“Call me if you need anything. I’ll be here,” Ellie raises a hand to squeeze your shoulder as she parks her old pick-up in front of the complex.

You nod and give her a weak smile, tilting your head up to place a gentle kiss to her pale cheek.

“I will, Els.”

Ellie stares at you, blinking slowly at your words and the burn of your lips lingering on her skin. You send her one more sweet smile before hopping out of her truck to walk up the stairs to your apartment.

Ellie held back everything in her veins to not jump out and tell you to stay with her so you won’t have to deal with Parker for a second longer. She waited until you disappeared in the distance to drive off into the mid-day.

Ellie doesn’t hear from you until a week later. She’s in the middle of playing Call of Duty: BO3; dressed comfortably for a long night of sitting in her gaming chair with nothing but a family sized bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and two Pipeline Punch Monsters on her desk when she hears a low humming come from her bed. She removes her headphones to peek at her phone expecting it to be spam or something but there’s your contact name illuminating from the screen.

She presses the green accept button and holds the phone up to her ear.

“Hey, what’s up?” Ellie answers.

It’s instant that she hears a low sniffle come through the static. Her brows furrow at the sound, standing up on her feet already.

“Els, can,” you pause to take a deep, shaky breath. “Can you please come and pick me up?”

Her body is already making its way to her front door, frowning at the sound of your tight, exhausted voice. Like you had been crying for hours.

“Yeah, I’m already on my way. Just wait for me, okay? I’ll be there in 10; tops,15.” Ellie speaks softly into the mic of her phone.

“Okay, I’m waiting on the curb. Please hurry.” You sniffle, voice cracking at the end of your sentence.

Ellie sucks in a deep breath as she throws on her worn-in sneakers before nodding to herself. “I’ll be there.”

You ended the phone call, the ending tone echoing in Ellie’s ear causing her stomach to sink. Ellie yells into the house to Joel she’ll be back soon before hopping into her truck before speeding off into the night.

When she arrives at your complex, she sees you sitting on the curb with your knees to your chest with a backpack next to you. Even with the dim lighting from the lampost, she could see the faded tear streaks shining against your skin. You look up when you notice her truck and you stand to your feet, wiping underneath your eyes to try and make yourself not look like a complete mess.

Ellie puts her car in park and rushes out of her truck.

“Hey, what happened? Why are you outsi—“

Ellie’s caught off guard when she feels you practically tackle her into a bone-crushing hug, grunting for a split-second. She, without hesitation, wraps her arms around you as you let out heavy sobs into her chest.

“Can we just go? Please?” You beg into her hoodie, shaking your head.

You didn’t want to talk about it; not right now and not yet.

Ellie nods slowly and squeezes you once. “Okay. Yeah, we’ll go to mine.”

“Thank you.” You sniffle as you pull away to snatch your backpack from the curb.

Ellie’s eyes follow up to where your apartment would be to stare in disbelief as she swears she saw the blinds open before they dropped. She shakes her head, anger boiling in her blood as she knows exactly who’s to blame for this.

The whole drive to Ellie’s is silent; not a single word shared. Ellie didn’t push, didn’t dare ask you to tell her what happened. You looked… exhausted. Absolutely wrecked.

When the two of you entered Ellie’s house, Joel was coming down the hallway with a worried look on his face.

“Hey, sweet pea,” he greets you, carefully taking a step towards the two of you. His eyes flicker to his daughter and then your disheveled state. “Ellie, what’s going on?”

Ellie tries to come up with something but her mind blanks. Thankfully, you get the courage to speak up.

“Hi, Joel. I’m okay. I just need to stay here tonight, i-if that’s okay.” You rub at your arm, wincing as it sounds like you’re inviting yourself over.

Joel’s face twitches like he’s holding back words but softens when he sees your tired eyes.

“Course. Stay as long as you like. In fact, I’m going to go and get pizza because well, you look like you could both eat.” Joel grabs his keys from the hook next to the front door, stopping to stare at you with a sigh. “I mean it. You’re always welcome here.”

You send him a curt nod, a weak smile on your face. “Thanks, Joel.”

“Anytime, sweet pea.”

Your lips curl at the nickname before turning to Ellie once the door shuts.

“Can we go to your room?” You question.

Ellie blinks at you, registering what you had said before nodding slowly.

“Yeah, no. Come on,” she motions down the dark hallway.

You follow her movements quietly, glancing at the minimal decor before approaching her bedroom door. Ellie mutters something like ‘sorry about the mess’ as she opens the door, cringing at the sight of some of her dirty laundry that was tossed haphazardly on the floor.

You chuckle at the sight of the photobooth strip photos of you and Ellie from prom senior year stuck to the wall next to her PC set up. The first being you two leaning your heads on one another, the second was your backs facing one another with finger guns like you were spies, the third being Ellie biting your cheek while the last was you two laughing at the aftermath of Ellie biting you.

“Prom sucked. I can’t believe you still have these photos, Els.” You turn to her as you point at the strip of photos.

Ellie’s cheeks burn at the fact that you noticed. “Well, we went together so it wasn’t so bad.”

You hum like you agree with her, smiling weakly as silence falls over you two again.

“So, can I… ask what happened?” Ellie questions carefully as she takes a seat on the edge of her bed.

You watch her move and suck in a sharp breath.

“Yeah, it’s fine. It was, like, a normal day. Parker went out with God-knows-who without telling me anything and she came home earlier than I thought she would so I thought about what we had talked about.” You explain as you sit next to Ellie on the bed, setting your backpack aside on the floor.

“You confronted her?” She hums.

You nod. “I was shaking the whole time. I asked her where she was. She said ‘why?’. I told her I just wanted to know and she started acting like I said something offensive to her. Then it just got into this huge fight about how I’m overbearing and ‘doing the most’ and I said how I don’t trust her because she acts so weird about where she goes. Then she said ‘if you don’t want to do this anymore, if you can’t trust your girlfriend then fucking leave.’ So I grabbed a backpack full of clothes and essentials and called you.”

Ellie focuses her eyes on your face, watching it contort and wince at your retelling of what happened. She wanted to kiss away the frown lines from your face; temporarily remove Parker’s entire identity from your mind.

“She told me that we were done. She didn’t want to be with a ‘insecure crybaby’ anyways.” Your voice softens as you trail off, the sound of her shouting echoing in your brain.

Ellie’s jaw tightens at that and shakes her head. She’s lucky she wasn’t there for her to break her jaw in.

“You’re not—“

“I know.” You cut her off. “I get emotional sometimes but I don’t think it’s a bad thing. Not anymore.”

Ellie just sits there, listening to every word wanting to be as supportive as she can be.

“I’m just glad I’m here with you.” You look at her with glossy eyes, leaning into her to rest your head on her shoulder.

“I’m glad you’re here too.” Ellie sucks in a deep breath and breathes out loudly. “God, I hate her.”

You snort and nod in agreement.

“And I still have to get the rest of my shit from her place.” You groan into the nape of Ellie’s neck.

Her face burns, a soft red illuminating underneath her freckled cheeks.

“You deserve so much better than her. I’m still stuck on it.” Ellie rambles out loud, her mouth moving faster than her mind can comprehend. “Like if you were my girlfriend—“

Ellie catches herself before she can say more, eyes widening at the words that managed to slip out. She hears your breath catch in your throat as you lift your head from her shoulder. Her eyes stare forward, unable to make eye contact with you.

“‘If you were my girlfriend’, what?” You question, voice as gentle as ever.

Ellie gulps.

Fuck.

“Nothing. That was— It really doesn’t mean anything.” Ellie sputters, fiddling with the sleeve of her hoodie.

“Ellie.” You call her name softly.

Ellie takes a risk and turns her head to you, bracing herself for any sort of reaction. When she makes eye contact with you, all she sees is a small smile.

“Do you often think about how you would treat me if I was your girlfriend?” You ask slowly, leaning in a little closer to her face.

“Would you be mad if I said ‘yes’?” Ellie whispers back.

You shake your head at her, seeming almost flustered a bit at Ellie’s admission.

“I would be lying if I said,” you clear your throat and stare at Ellie’s cupid's bow. “I haven’t thought about how much better of a girlfriend you’d be instead of Parker.”

Ellie stares blankly, unable to tell if you were joking or not. There was no hint of ill intentions.

The both of you just stare into one another’s eyes, neither of you moving an inch. The air clearly shifted between you and Ellie; friendship turned into… whatever you could call this.

For Ellie, it’s always been you.

“Can you kiss me, Ellie?” You whisper, fingers carefully gripping onto the front of her hoodie.

“I want to so fucking bad but,” she sighs. “You just broke up with her. I don’t want to be that person, babe.”

“I’m not vulnerable if that’s what you mean, Els. You’re not taking advantage of my state, okay? I think I’ve wanted to kiss you since that night.” You turn your head to stare at the strip of prom photos on her wall.

So she wasn’t crazy after all. Ellie sucks in a deep breath before thinking to herself: fuck it. She’s got to see if what you two can have is real.

Her hand cups the side of your face as she carefully leans into you, slotting your lips against hers. You softly gasp at the feeling but, without hesitation, fall into an effortless rhythm as you kiss her back. Ellie hums against your lips as she savors the tingling spreading across her skin, rubbing her thumb over your cheek.

Oh, you really are just perfect.

Ellie pulls away slightly to attempt to look at you but you take this opportunity to raise your forearms to rest on her shoulders as you kiss her with more passion this time.Your teeth clank once but neither of you have the energy to care. Her hands settle on your waist as you follow each other's sensual rhythm.

Before Ellie can let this go any further, a knock echoes through the room. The two of you jump apart at the sound like two teenagers.

“Ellie? Sweet pea? I’m back with pizza so come on down when y’all are ready.” Joel’s gruff voice is muffled through the door.

You cover your mouth to try and hide your smile behind your hand. Ellie’s eyes soften at your expression, a warmth blossoming through her chest.

“We’re coming.” Ellie calls back before looking at you once more.

You hum, standing to your feet with an exaggerated sigh. “You’re a pretty good kisser, Els.”

Ellie scoffs as she shakes her head with a flushed grin.

“Well, I try,” she jokes as she, too, stands on her feet.

You turn to her and give her a quick peck before scurrying to the door. Ellie stands there blinking before chasing after you, beaming at the sound of your giggles as you run to hide from her in the kitchen.

Maybe you would be okay because Ellie would be there to make sure you’ll never have to go through that again. Not as long as she’s standing here; alive and willing to give every piece of her heart to you.

[sunflowerwinds]

[sunflowerwinds]

hello angels! <3

i want to make this post to first of all, apologize for my lack of posting and promises i’ve made and haven’t followed through with.

second of all, to say that while i know it’s been over a month since i’ve posted, i am taking a step back from tumblr (writing-wise). i have had zero motivation for not just writing but anything in my life. not to trauma dump or make excuses for myself or my behavior but my depression has been getting worse and worse as the days go by.

i love love love this account and writing with everything in me but for now, i cannot provide what you guys want.

with my vi series (and more in the works), i want to be able to give my all into everything and make it as genuine and real as i can manage. so, i’m not sure how long i will be gone for but i hope you all can be patient with me for a bit longer while i try to find myself in writing and real life.

it’s my 21st birthday today. i’ve had not the greatest day with crying for most of it and it’s made me realize how much i don’t like who i am and where i am.

i love you all.

i hope you’re able to find it in yourselves to bare with me for my absence from here.

[sunflowerwinds]

hi cherry babyy, how have you been honey? we miss you 😣🙌

hi sweet sweet nonnie!

i’m gonna be so entirely honest, i haven’t been feeling the most confident and active with my writing. i miss it here so so much but i really just haven’t been in the best head space to write. i want to write 20 things at the same time.

i promise i will try my best to put something out this weekend! i miss you all and thank you for so patient with my long periods of not posting! you are all so sweet and understanding and i’ve never been more grateful to have this support! <333

real photos of me btw:

[sunflowerwinds]

hello my gorgeous queen cherry berry

MY MIA BABY!!!

hi sweetie girl! i miss youuuu!!

[sunflowerwinds]

hey buddy …

leave me alone

[sunflowerwinds]

It's Juneteenth yall. And I'm not letting this day go unmarked.

Black people fight for everybody. We stand in solidarity with women, lgbt people, poor people all over the world of every skin color and background. Every religion and nationality.

Today, stand with us. Be with us. Tell a black person you love them. Hug a black person (with consent). Ask that hot black girl out today. Make a black person smile. Black lives matter to everybody and you matter to us.

Stand with us on Juneteenth like we stand with you all year round, and I hope a happy Pride month continues for all of us

💝

[sunflowerwinds]

“We’re in a fanfic drought” Tell the writers you like their work.

“All Tumblr ever does is write oneshots now” Tell the writers that you’d love to see them write longer things.

“Nobody updates their fics anymore” Tell the writers you love the fic and want to see more of it.

Tell the writers.

[sunflowerwinds]

she’s soooooooooooooo

Ellie fucking you with her gun…👅👅👅

loaded worship ₊ ⊹

𖥠 word count: 1.9k 𖥔 ݁ ˖

𖥠 content warnings: top!ellie x sub!reader, porn w no plot, gunplay (r!receiving, consensual, unloaded, treated as a kink object), oral fixation (licking/sucking gun), AFAB!reader, cursing, pet names, spit kink, mild choking, degradation + praise, overstimulation, power dynamics, brat taming, MEN AND MINORS DNI, likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated 𖥔 ݁ ˖

it starts, like it always does, with you mouthing off.

ellie’s at the edge of the bed, legs spread, perched in a chair that’s more throne than furniture. the window’s cracked open behind her. the clouds blur into the moonlight.

she’s cleaning her gun again—not for protection, not for purpose, but for the meditative rhythm of it. something ancient in her hands, like a priest with a chalice.

and you—bratty, barely clothed in a paper-thin tank and those sleep shorts she loathes and loves at the same time— are sprawled across the sheets, soft skin glowing under the bedside lamp.

“gonna spend more time with that thing than me tonight?”

your voice is honey-laced venom. flirtatious, syrupy, barbed. she hears the dare in it. she always does.

ellie doesn’t answer right away. she slides the barrel back into place. presses the magazine in, safety flicks on with a soft click. there’s a smile on her lips that doesn’t quite meet her eyes. the kind that says she’s deciding whether to be sweet. or cruel.

“you jealous, baby?”

that voice. low and warm and mocking, but still so tender it hurts.

“maybe.” you stretch, belly tight, spine arching in a way that’s downright pornographic. “it’s prettier than me.”

her head lifts. one eyebrow raises. her gaze cuts you in half.

“nothing’s prettier than you.”

you roll your eyes.

and that’s it. the eye-roll, the little sigh, the careless way you flop onto your back like you’re bored. like she doesn’t have her trigger finger twitching. like she doesn’t wake up every morning already wet just from the thought of shutting you up.

she sets the gun down.

softly.

like it's not the most dangerous thing in the room.

“come here.”

there’s a change in the air. you feel it like a shift in pressure. her voice is velvet-wrapped steel—low, calm, lethal. not angry, but simmering. inevitable.

“ellie,” you murmur, but you’re already moving.

“no,” she says again. “come. here.”

she’s spread out in that chair like she owns even the air you're breathing. tattooed arm draped over her thigh. pupils blown wide. the slow smirk of someone who’s been waiting all day for an excuse.

“you got a lot to say tonight,” she murmurs when you get close. “real mouthy for someone who couldn’t stop begging ten minutes ago.”

“wasn’t begging,” you whisper, breathless. fake confident.

she tilts her head. hums low in her throat.

“nah. you were whining.”

her hand curls around your wrist and tugs you into her lap. you’re not even sure how you end up there — her fingers are hot against your skin, her thigh spreads you open instinctively. she kisses you once, deep and slow, like she’s claiming her prize. then she leans back.

“take your clothes off.”

you blink.

her voice is soft, but the command in it cuts like glass.

“why?”

she smiles.

and picks the gun back up.

“ellie—”

“relax.” her voice is velvet now, coaxing, almost sweet. “you trust me?”

you nod. instantly.

“you like being a brat, huh?” she murmurs. “you like pushing me.”

your heart’s in your throat. “maybe.”

“you want me to show you who you fucking belong to?”

a shaky breath. a nod.

and when you comply, you do it slow. ceremoniously. like you’re undressing for god — or something much, much worse. your fingers hook into the waistband of your shorts and panties, peeling them down your thighs with shaky grace. your breath hitches at the chill in the room, the way it grazes over your freshly bare skin. you kick them aside, standing exposed from the waist down — but ellie’s still watching. still waiting.

your hands reach for the hem of your tank. soft cotton, now clinging with sweat. you pull it up, slow enough to feel her eyes follow the motion. over your ribs, your chest, your shoulders. when it finally leaves your body, you’re stripped to nothing — and that’s when it hits.

you feel it.

the weight of her stare. like a spotlight. like heat crawling over every inch of you. ellie’s not just looking, she’s devouring. the kind of look that makes you feel like prey, like art, like her favorite sin all at once. it makes your skin burn. your pulse skip. your thighs press together on instinct, already aching.

she doesn’t speak.

she just spins the gun in her hand with the ease of long practice—as if she was born with it, the ritual of cleaning and handling the only thing that steadies her. it twirls in her palm once, twice, catching the light as it flips , and then lands barrel-down in her open hand. her thumb brushes the safety. her fingers curl around the grip.

she’s still watching you.

you’re completely bare. she’s fully clothed. legs spread, eyes dark. the contrast makes you feel tiny. and impossibly turned on.

"you look like a dream,” she murmurs, her gaze pinning you in place like a knife to the throat. there’s a smirk playing on her lips — cocky, slow-burning — but her eyes are pure fire.

she spins the gun in her hand again and lets the barrel rest on her open palm.

“spit.”

“ellie—”

“spit on it.”

she doesn’t blink. and you —shaking now, lips parted— obey.

saliva hits the black metal, slick and hot. it glides down the barrel in the most obsene, wicked way imaginable.

ellie groans, quiet. pleased.

“fuck. good girl.”

she uses her thumb to smear it in. sensual, fucking indulgent.

“turn around.”

and you do. breath hitched. you straddle her lap with your back to her chest, thighs spread wide, cunt wet and aching. every inch of you is electric.

she nudges the barrel between your legs. just a tease. the steel is cold and slippery now, coated in spit and tension.

“still think she’s prettier than you?”

“n-no.”

“you gonna behave now?”

“i’ll try.”

she laughs against your neck.

“cute. too bad i don’t want ‘try.’ i want a 'yes'.”

and then she presses the barrel inside you.

your body jolts like it’s been shocked, the cold metal punching the breath from your lungs. it’s an unnatural stretch, one you've never felt before — not wide, but so precise. so smooth. it doesn’t flex. it doesn’t give. it fills you with the weight of power, the absolute certainty that you are being claimed, not fucked. your muscles clench instinctively, helplessly. the coolness burns as it warms inside you, the safety ridge dragging ever-so-slightly against your entrance, sending jolts up your spine.

ellie’s eyes are locked on your face, watching the transformation. the way your expression flickers from shock to lust to devotion.

she pushes in deeper, not rough, just deliberate. your thighs quiver around her lap. your cunt is already dripping, coating the slick metal in heat and want.

“jesus,” you gasp, nearly choking on it.

ellie grins, her voice a dark ribbon in your ear.

“nah, baby. not him.”

she begins to move. slow, sinful thrusts. the steel slides in and out, obscene and perfect. your slick is making it glide now, every drag sending aftershocks through your belly. it’s mechanical and intimate all at once. humiliating and holy. you’re spread wide on her lap, completely open, held still by her arm wrapped tight around your waist.

“this what you wanted?” she whispers. “you like being used like this?”

you moan. “yes—”

“like my little toy? like a wet fuckin’ hole?”

“yes—yes—”

your hips are rocking now, chasing it. chasing her.

“needy thing,” she breathes. “so fucking desperate. you gonna come like this? on my gun?”

“please, ellie—please—”

she lets out a groan. fucks it into you a little deeper. her free hand wraps around your throat, pulling you upright against her chest. your head falls back and your breath breaks.

“you hear yourself?” she murmurs. “you gonna remember this next time you wanna mouth off.”

she fucks you harder, a little rough now. precise. measured. like she knows every angle of your body, built it with her calloused hands just to use it like this.

you’re shaking.

“say it,” she growls.

“i’m yours,” you sob.

“again.”

“i’m yours—i’m yours—”

and then it hits you — a high so sharp it feels like lightning cracking down your spine. your body spasms. thighs clamp, back arches, a broken sob escaping your lips as you shatter. it’s not just release — it’s surrender. full-body, soul-deep, trembling surrender. you’re crying, and you don’t even realize it. your voice breaks open in a moan that borders on a whimper, like the pleasure was too much for you to carry.

ellie doesn’t stop. she fucks you through it — slow, possessive thrusts, making you feel every inch of the steel inside you, every twitch of your cunt around it, every aftershock that ripples through your core. her mouth is hot on your neck, mouthing filth against your skin like prayers.

“that’s it, baby,” she breathes. “that’s my girl. coming on my fucking gun like you were made for it.”

your body slumps against her, boneless. still twitching. still clenching around nothing when she finally eases the barrel out of you. the drag is slow —so slow— and the loss leaves you whimpering, your cunt fluttering around emptiness, dripping with slick and spit and the remnants of your orgasm.

ellie looks down at you like she’s just unearthed a masterpiece.

“fuck,” she mutters, reverent. “look at this mess.”

your thighs are soaked. your stomach rising and falling like you’ve run for your life. your cheeks are damp, lips parted, eyes barely focused.

she slides the gun slowly along your stomach, your chest, your neck, painting your release on your skin like a signature. deliberate, crude, worshipful.

then she leans in and presses a kiss to your neck — soft, warm, tender in the aftermath.

“mine,” she murmurs.

you nod, dazed. dizzy. your body’s humming. you don’t think you could move if you tried.

and then —slow as a ritual— she lifts the gun to her mouth.

you watch, hypnotized, as her tongue parts her lips. she licks a long, filthy stripe up the length of the barrel, tasting your slick like it’s a holy thing, worshipping the altar of your body even after she’s already made you come undone. her eyes flutter shut for half a second, lashes trembling. she hums low in her throat, a sound that vibrates through your chest like a second orgasm blooming.

and then she parts her lips wider — and takes the barrel into her mouth.

your breath catches. your knees almost give out.

she doesn’t break eye contact. not once.

it slides past her tongue, slow and obscene. her lips wrap around the metal like it’s your cunt she’s sucking. she moans around it, and it’s not just a show—it’s real, messy, shameless want. her spit mixes with your slick, glistening at the corners of her mouth. the sight is nothing short of devastating. your stomach twists.

her free hand slides between your legs, presses two fingers inside you without warning.

you cry out, overstimulated, needy.

“shit.” she says around the barrel, pulling it out with a soft wet pop. “sweetest fucking thing in the world.”

she sets it aside like it’s holy. it’s much more sacred now that it’s been inside you.

then she grips your chin. firm but gentle. tilts your face back so your eyes meet hers — pupils blown, lashes damp, lips trembling.

“get on the bed. gonna fuck you for real now.”

⭒ perm taglist (tysm for supporting, hope you enjoy <3): @talyaisvalslutsoldier @miajooz @andiemiaswife @mayfldss @sewithinsouls @coastalwilliams @hotpinkskitties @ssijht @pleasejoel @pariiissssssss @liddy333 @beeisscaredofbees @d1catwhisperer @the-sick-habit @elliescoquettegirl @elliewilliams-wife @yueluv3rrrr @your-eternal-muse @ellies-real-wife @katherinesmirnova @ellies-moth-to-a-flame @thxtmarvelchick @natscloset @lesbiansreverywhere @2against3 @wwefan2002 @ilahrawr @harmonib @piastorys @azteriarizz @starincarnated @natssgf @ukissmyfaceinacrowdedroom @iadorefineshyt @claudiajacobs @urmomssideh0e @kingofeyeliner @womenlover0 @ferxanda @imunpunishable @elliewilliamsloverrrrrrrr @bambi-luvs @maru0uu @mikellie @gold-dustwomxn @nramv

࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ PURE. FILTH. IM SHOKED WITH MYSELF. THE PARTS OF A GUN TAB IS STARING AT ME. AND JUDGING. huge HUGE HUGE love and tysm to my gorg mootie who sent this amazing request before i even started collide—you live in my brain rent free forever bby!

i might play around with a few more fics + requests before launching the next big series i’ve been outlining (👀), so stay tuned babes. ily all dearly ♡

credits for divider: @kodaswrld <3 – images from pinterest - edited by me

[sunflowerwinds]

ik i just run a tumblr smut page BUT!!!

FUCK ICE, free palestine, free congo, FUCK trump, FUCK musk, no one is illegal on stolen land, and if u disagree, FUCK YOU TOO!!!

i’ve said this before but if u support that fuckass orange in office, idc if ur a silent follower or ur like is ur only form of interacting with me, just know, i don’t want it!!! and u are a terrible person!!! 😛

[sunflowerwinds]

fuck trump.

fuck ice.

but america is the best country in the world, right?

hello my loves! i’d like to talk about something important going on in america because it’s not okay AT ALL. as of recently, ICE (immigration and customs enforcement) has been raiding LA in a horrific way. children are being taken, families are being separated, friends are disappearing, it’s absolutely fucking disgusting what is happening. there’s no defense for this at all, arresting people without a warrant IS AGAINST THE LAW. IT IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL. this is the exact thing kamala and the harris administration warned us about, i am ashamed of all the people in my life who have voted for this sick, inhumane treatment being inflicted upon fellow people in this country. In no way is such lack of empathy and coldness against HUMAN BEINGS okay. the children, the families, it’s SICK.

recently, ICE has been targeting hard working families and innocent people. trump claims to be targeting violent criminals which is BULLSHIT. was that pregnant woman a violent criminal? what about the children being separated from their families? what about the hard working immigrants who literally helped america be what it is in the first place. if you open a history book or did research you would know that. you can’t claim to be getting rid of violent criminals WHEN YOU ARE A FELON. TRUMP WASNT PROVEN INNOCENT, HE IS A CONVICTED FELON. how can you support this shit but vote for a criminal to run our country? YOU CANNOT BE ILLEGAL ON STOLEN LAND. EVERYONE IN AMERICA IS AN IMMIGRANT BESIDES THE NATIVES. this country was stolen, and anyone who says otherwise is ignorant.

ICE has been raiding and sent to places that are densely populated with immigrants, JUST TO ARREST THEM. rounding people up who have legal documents, who are US citizens, who were born here. rounding people up because of the color of their skin is inhumane and absolutely repulsive. criminals aren’t being targeted, and have you seen the prison in el salvador? it’s HORRIFIC.

in LA, there have been a lot of protests, most of which were peaceful. california’s OWN officers were went to keep things peaceful which was partly successful. protesting is a first amendment right, but the freedom of speech has been violated ever since trump has went into office. tear gas, rubber bullets, flash bang grenades, all of that have been used on protesters. and without consulting any california law enforcement members, trump deployed 2000 state national guard members to the streets of LA. that is also ILLEGAL. THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE. and to the troops who were deployed, YOU SWORE AN OATH TO SERVE THE COUNTRY AND PEOPLE AND PROTECT THE CONSTITUTION. NOT A FACIST FELON WHO IS CAUSING A CONSTITUTIONAL CRISIS. deploying troops without the consent of the state is federal aggression, and shouldn’t be tolerated. you guys are bitching about immigrants and saying they’re violent criminals? look at all the shit trump is doing! many veterans are absolutely devastated and it’s so sad to see. sending troops to attack american citizens is absolutely disgusting. this is the most obvious violation of the first amendment.

america’s democracy is at risk. donald trump doesn’t want a constitution, he’s a man child who bitches and uses violence when people don’t agree with him or oppose him. social media is being censored, he is targeting education, he is filtering everything—he literally DEFUNDED THE BOARD OF EDUCATION. education is the most dangerous weapon against dictators, so that checks out. if this isn’t a start to a dictatorship i don’t know what is, it’s here. these 4 years could be absolutely horrific, not to mention how he wants to ignore the precedent and “run again.” WHO WANTS THAT?

to all the people who have been affected by this, i am so, so sorry. it is repulsive what is happening, and i am sending love to all the families and individuals who have been hurt. to all the protesters who have been hurt, and to everyone this country has literally failed. to the women being denied life saving treatment in emergency rooms, to the women in my state who can’t get an abortion, it’s just horrific. to all the people who have been hurt during protests in LA, you deserve to be recognized. thank you for being a voice, you are valid and you are amazing and you deserve to be heard.

despite all of this, DO NOT STAY SILENT. that’s what he wants, he doesn’t want opposers. you are free to speak, that is the first amendment and cannot be violated. talk about it, don’t be scared to talk about it. the people are what makes a country, we shouldn’t be separated and on the brink of a civil war. it’s not right, why are we looking at people in such a selfish, ignorant way? this isn’t about being red or blue, this is our DEMOCRACY and the fact we are in a human rights crisis. this is about the fact that people are scared, communities are traumatized. people should be joining together and helping each other, do not normalize apathy. people are meant to love and join together, nobody should have this kind of power and influence on human lives in such a horrible way.

we are all people, you are all valid people. keep protesting, keep using your voice because it is POWERFUL. i love you all so unbelievably much, please, please don’t be ignorant.

Speech from Governor Newsom this addresses california!

[sunflowerwinds]

lessi, angel, you have a gift.

everything about this was PERFECT.

the beach? the planetarium? the smut? FLAWLESS.

i only hope that my next relationship will be like this.

𝐀𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 | Chapter 7

previous | chapter 7 | next

꩜ synopsis: you’re best friends. just best friends. except when she lingers a little too long at your door. except when she calls you her favorite, and it doesn’t feel like a joke. except when her fingers graze yours and neither of you pull away. except when you start to wonder if she’s wondering, too…

꩜ pairing: Ellie Williams x fem reader (No use of y/n)

꩜ content warnings: smoking, weed, smut (finally)

꩜ WC: 11.7k

꩜ Author’s note: THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING SMUT AND IM SO TERRIFIED PLZ… also thank u guys for the sweet comments and messages i’m over the moon grateful, this series is so special to me and it’s not even close to be done okay… y’all will get tired of my ass. Anyway enjoy the chapter love u happy pride month<3

୨୧─── ⋆୨୧⋆ ───୨୧─── ⋆୨୧⋆ ───୨୧─── ⋆୨୧⋆ ───୨୧

"Wait, but when did you actually catch feelings for me, though?" you asked for what had to be the millionth time.

Honestly, Ellie didn’t mind repeating herself. If anything, she kind of loved it. The way you always wanted to hear it again, like replaying your favorite song over and over again. Every time she recalled it, she seemed to remember something new. Like the way your eyes lingered just a second too long on hers when you talked, or how your pinkies always seemed to find each other when you sat side by side. Small things. Things she could never forget.

September had slipped by quickly, and in the blink of an eye, October had arrived, trading warm evenings for cooler nights and scattering orange and brown leaves across the sidewalks. It had been a month since your first kiss, (Not like you were counting or whatever). A month of sleepovers, shared sweaters, tangled limbs, nonstop texting, and sneaking into the diner’s back office during your breaks for rushed makeout sessions. Maria had almost banned you from going back there altogether. Ellie had just grinned and said, “Worth the risk.”

“I’ve told you like, a hundred times,” she said now, clearly enjoying the way you whined for her to say it again.

The two of you were tangled up on her couch, limbs lazily thrown over each other. Ellie was supposed to be sorting through prints for her gallery, her best photos from the week. Some from your recent hangouts: walks in the park under trees turned orange, city crosswalks filled with motion blur, candids of you laughing or distracted, the occasional stray cat she couldn’t help but snap. She’d taken the gallery prep seriously. Of course she had to. But lately, it was like you kept happening to her, distracting and consuming in all the best, worst ways.

You sat curled up on the couch, legs tucked under yourself, a book open in your lap, rereading the same paragraph over and over. You weren’t even paying attention to the text. How were you supposed to focus when she looked like that? Her sleeves pushed up, veins visible along her tattooed forearm as she leaned over her table, elbows braced, studying the scattered prints.

“Your death stare is making it very hard for me to analyze these pictures,” she muttered without looking up.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Mhm. I can feel it burning a hole through my skull.”

“Can’t help it,” you said, smiling. “You’re too pretty.”

God, the way that made her chest flutter. She shook her head, hiding a tiny smile. Trying to play it cool, but she was already blushing hard. She gathered up the prints and slid them into a folder, then walked over and dropped her full body weight onto you with a dramatic sigh. Her favorite move. Full body crush, almost knocking the air out of your lungs. Face buried in your chest like she could inhale you and forget the gallery pressure altogether.

You didn’t mind. Not even a little. You stroked her hair slowly, gently, like she was fragile, like you knew how much she needed softness. You stayed like that for a while, Ellie breathing you in, inhaling your scent like the oxygen she needed to live, her eyes were closed as you ran your fingers through her hair.

Both of you spent more time together. Even more than before. On the rare day you didn’t hang out because your schedules didn’t align, it felt like a tragedy. Like someone had sent her off to war. It was all so giddy, high school-level giddy. You felt like a teenager again…sneaking out of the group hangs early just to be alone with her. Play-fighting over who had to hang up first. So many dates, even if Ellie still stubbornly insisted on calling them hangouts like it made a difference. You’d been doing the romantic shit before you even kissed.

“C’monnn, just wanna make sure you weren’t secretly foolin’ me or something.” You pouted again, that same little face that made Ellie’s knees weak every time.

Ellie groaned and buried her face deeper into your chest, voice muffled. “I mean, what haven’t I told you?” Then she tilted her face to look up at you, cheeks slightly red from being squished against you.

“When we met I was basically obsessed with you. But I told myself, ‘Don’t be a creep, Ellie. This is why you only have one friend. Stop being delusional.’” She paused, a little smile tugging at her lips. “But with you, everything felt different. Like I didn’t have to hide. Still, I was too stubborn to admit I liked you like that. Lived in constant denial.”

You watched her talk. Taking in every expression, you could study her mouth and eyes for hours and never get bored. The way her brow furrowed when she talked about feelings. The way her voice softened at the edges when she looked at you like this. You’d heard this story before, at least a dozen times. And still, it made something warm unravel in your chest.

“So that explains the flirting with random girls?” you asked, raising an eyebrow in mock interrogation.

She groaned. “I had to cope in some way, plus seeing all those guys hit on you at the diner kinda ripped me apart, but didn’t say anything.”

“I told you,” you said, crossing your arms, “I laugh when I’m nervous. Doesn’t mean I liked it. Plus, I flirted with you all the time. You were just too hard-headed to notice.”

Ellie grabbed the nearest cushion and tossed it at your face.

Which of course triggered a full-blown pillow war.

You wrestled and squealed and laughed until Ellie gave up and surrendered. You were breathless, Ellie’s limbs sprawled on the couch, with you sitting between her legs, flushed and grinning.

And then she grabbed your face, gently leaning in, still catching her breath and kissed you like she’d been waiting all day to do it.

You think about it all the time. How everything but still nothing changed after the kiss, like it was always meant to go this way. There was no big moment or sudden change. Just small things that added up to everything.

Ellie started picking you up after your late shifts, waiting out front in her beat up truck with the heater cranked and a hoodie in the passenger seat for you to throw on. She always claimed you looked better in her clothes, especially that faded blue hoodie, the one she kept pretending she didn’t miss when you “accidentally” took it home.

Your hangouts had shifted into something else. There wasn’t that quiet, aching longing hanging in the air anymore, not in the same way. After that night at your apartment, Ellie promised she’d take you on a date. A real one.

Like the kind you’d gush about in those cheesy movies you love, and what better place to live out a cliché than the fair…where the air was thick with fried grease and too-loud pop music, and where she finally had a decent excuse to hold your hand on the roller coasters.

Neon lights blinked in seizure-inducing patterns while kids screamed on rickety rides in the distance. Ellie had dragged you from booth to booth, fully committed to her vendetta against rigged carnival games.

“I swear this is the one,” she said, squinting at the line of wobbling bottles.

“You said that about the ring toss. And basketball. And the darts.”

Her eyes locked on the duck shooting booth. Yellow plastic ducks glided across a narrow trough, jerking mechanically as bubbles popped around them.

“Oh,” she said, eyes glinting. “This is my game.”

You trailed behind her as she calmly gave the booth guy a crumpled five, taking her jacket off and handing it over to you.

She rolled up the sleeves of her flannel, revealing her forearms, tattoo on full display, veins trailing down to her hands like thunders on a stormy night and took her place at the mounted water gun like it was a sniper rifle.

You blinked. “Oh my god.”

She leaned in. Tongue poking out slightly. Face unreadably focused. Hands gripping the water gun with total control, like she’d done this before, maybe in a past life. The light caught the curve of her jaw just right, and your brain short-circuited.

You started to feel as if you had been lit up in fire, was it hot in here?

Ellie didn’t speak. She just adjusted her stance a little, lips pursed, and let the water stream rip. One by one, the ducks fell, each hit perfectly in the center like she had memorized the timing and rhythm.

By the time the buzzer rang, Ellie had cleared the whole line.

You stared at her, wide eyed. “What the fuck,” you breathed.

Ellie blew imaginary smoke from the tip of the gun. “Told you. My game.”

You gaped. “Are you secretly, like… ex-military?”

“Duck assassin,” she replied coolly, already pointing to a shelf of prizes.

She chose the smallest one, a crooked little stuffed bear with lopsided button eyes and shoved it into your arms in exchange of her jacket, like it wasn’t a big deal, even though she was clearly suppressing a smug smile.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Uh-huh.” She bumped her shoulder into yours. “You like the bear though.”

You did. Stupidly so.

You held it to your chest and muttered, “Yeah I do.”

She was grinning like stupid, tossing her jacket over your shoulders like a shield, as she grabbed your hand and dragged you to the next game.

You still sleep with that bear sometimes. Not that you’d ever tell her.

Another time, it was the planetarium. This one had been your idea, half-jokingly, you didn’t expect much when you pitched it, just a casual “we could go to the planetarium or whatever,” but when the words fell out of your lips Ellie’s eyes gleamed like a kid on christmas morning.

“No way,” she’d said, practically bouncing. “I thought you weren’t into that kind of stuff?”

“Wanna go or no?”

“Fuck yeah, I’m in.”

She’d shown up five minutes early, hair still damp from a rushed shower, hoodie zipped up to her chin, smelling faintly like mint and laundry detergent. Her eyes were wide, childlike, curious, like she wasn’t totally sure what she was about to walk into but her pulse rushed from the thrill.

Inside, the lights dimmed. The dome lit up. Stars bloomed across the ceiling like someone had torn open the sky. Ellie tilted her head all the way back, eyes wide and lips slightly parted. “Holy shit,” she whispered. “This is… fucking sick.”

You were already watching her more than the ceiling.

“Knew you’d like it,” you said, voice low.

She didn’t even respond. Just stared upward, entranced, like the stars were spelling out something only she could read.

Halfway through the show, during some slow narration about galaxies forming, you felt her hand brush against yours on the shared armrest. A light graze. Just the backs of your fingers, hesitant at first. Then she slid her pinky over yours, this time more purposeful. Like it was no big gesture, but you felt like the sun was imploding inside of you.

She didn’t say anything, didn’t look at you, just linked your fingers together, her thumb tracing small circles over yours, soft and delicate.

Her voice stayed low the whole time, whispering random facts on your ear, with the sweetest tone, like she couldn’t help herself.

“Neptune’s winds are faster than the speed of sound,” she muttered. “Like… hypersonic. That’s insane.”

“Mmhm,” you hummed, too distracted by the glint in her eye.

“And Jupiter’s Great Red Spot is a storm. Like a storm. It’s been raging for three hundred years and it’s big enough to fit Earth inside it, like—” she made a quiet whooshing sound, “—in one bite.”

Her hand squeezed yours a little. Like she got excited and forgot she was even holding you.

You nodded. “That’s… intense.”

She shot you a glance. “You’re not listening, are you?”

She could’ve told you the sun was made of hot dogs and you wouldn’t have noticed. You were too busy staring at her profile, glowing faintly blue under the artificial sky.

“Yeah, no sorry I got a bit lost, what did you say?”

Ellie smirked, a bit shy now. “Nothing.”

She leaned in slightly, placing a quick peck on the top of your head, breathing in your perfume, then turned away, but she saw the smile tug at your lips.

After the show, you walked out into the cool night air, fingers still brushing like they weren’t quite ready to let go.

“I’m not usually, like… a space person. But that was cool.” You said, as you walked out into the night.

Ellie bumped her shoulder into yours. “You’re a space person now. Deal with it.”

You gave her a look, maybe more earnest than you meant it to be. “Only because of you.”

She paused. Looking at you. Then shoved her hands in her hoodie pocket and looked away, clearly fighting a smile.

“Whatever,” she mumbled, ears a little pink. “You’re welcome.”

You both stood there for a second, silent.

But your favorite one was definitely the arcade date. You hadn’t planned it, it was just one of those random afternoons where Ellie showed up at the diner unannounced, leaning against the doorframe waiting for your shift to be over, with that smug little grin of hers.

“You busy?” she asked, truck keys twirling around her fingers.

You weren’t. Not even a little.

The drive was filled with chatter, windows rolled down, music loud, and Ellie’s hand tapping against the steering wheel, like she was playing the backup drums on whatever song was playing. You were both laughing, until you passed a neon sign that read ARCADE & PIZZA, you practically almost turned the wheel yourself.

“Wait Ellie turn around—pull over.”

Ellie flinched. “Okay okay— Jesus you scared me for a second.” You grinned, already unbuckling your seatbelt as Ellie pulled over the parking lot.

“I haven’t been to an arcade since I was like twelve I think” you said as you threw Ellie’s hoodie over your head.

“Wow. Nerd” she snorted, earning a small kick on her heel.

Inside, it smelled like childhood. Pizza and dusty carpets, it was oddly nostalgic. The place was loud, packed with kids and their parents, and a couple of teenagers. Neon lights were blindingly colorful, you felt like your twelve year old self again.

“Alright,” she said, cracking her knuckles dramatically. “Where the competition at?”

You rolled your eyes. “Maybe over there, at Jason’s 9th birthday party.” you joked, pointing at the table surrounded by little kids.

Ellie scoffed, “Pffft, easy wins, where is the real competition at?" she glanced over at you.

Oh, you knew where this was going.

“Just say you want to get your ass kicked by me, Williams, not that hard.”

Her grin widened. “You’re on now. Loser pays for the winner’s pizza.”

“Deal.” Both of you squeezed your hands, like you were making some sort of business deal, but this was way more serious.

You didn’t know Ellie had a competitive streak until she practically shoved a 10-year-old out of the way to get to the skee-ball machine.

“Ellie,” you hissed. “You can’t just—”

“He was taking forever,” she snapped, already rolling the ball with deadly focus. “I got shit to prove.”

She won three games in a row.

“Okay, what the fuck,” you growled, staring at the air hockey scoreboard like it had insulted your ancestors. “You’re cheating. There’s no way.”

“You’re just bad,” she teased, throwing the small ball in the air and catching it with her hand. “Maybe I should give you lessons. Private ones.”

“Wow. Cocky.”

“I mean, I did just wipe the floor with you.”

“Oh yeah?” you leaned forward, tempting her, but then you turned around, spotting the motorcycle racing game. Two bikes. One screen. Destiny.

You dragged her over the machine, both mounted the fake bikes revving them like you’d trained your whole lives. Ellie leaned forward, focused her hands gripping the throttle. Her tongue poked out, focused. You knew that look.

Meanwhile you adjusted yourself on the seat, inserting the quarters on the coin slot, your back was slightly arched, causing your shirt to ride up a little and making the small dimples on your lower back visible. Ellie almost fell from her bike at the sight of that. And you weren’t even aware.

“It’s over for you Williams, prepare to eat dust.” you teased.

“You fucking wish.”

The countdown started and the game launched. You took the lead, she trailed behind you, both leaning into turns like you were actually swerving through a neon-lit city. At one moment, your eyes drifted toward Ellie’s arms, her forearm tattoo flexing, adorned by her pulsing veins from gripping the bike handle. God it was unfair—you almost forgot you were in a competition with her.

“Hey, eyes on the road,” she joked, but she was secretly enjoying your staring.

In the end? You won. Throwing your arms up in celebration. “HA. SUCK IT.”

Ellie blinked at the scoreboard in disbelief, “No. Rematch. Right now. My screen lagged.”

“Boohoo excuses are for losers.” you laughed so hard you almost fell off your bike.

The next stop was the dance machine.

Ellie looked skeptical. “I don’t know, dude…”

You were already dragging her by the hoodie. “Nope. No backing out. It’s fate.”

She rolled her eyes but followed. “If I break my ankle, I’m blaming you.”

The game started. The song was fast, the tiles lit up like a rave, and the both of you? Horrible dancers. Absolutely terrible.

You couldn’t stop laughing. Ellie missed the first five steps, almost fell twice, and kept yelling “this is a fucking death trap!” like the machine was out to get her.

But then, something shifted.

Halfway through, she got weirdly into it. Jaw set. Eyes sharp. She started nailing every step, stomping on the lit tiles like she was born in a dancing tournament. She even grabbed your waist at one point, spinning you into position like it was a choreographed number.

“Are you sabotaging me?” you shrieked.

“This is war,” she said, dead serious.

She won that round. You demanded a rematch. She won again.

“Okay,” you panted, doubled over. “You win this one.”

“Jealous.”

“You literally looked like you were summoning demons with your feet.”

“And?”

You played other games after that. Basketball hoops. Whack-a-mole. She tried to win you a prize at the claw machine and got so mad she almost kicked it.

But then— you saw it. The air hockey table.

You gasped. “Oh no.”

Ellie followed your gaze. “Oh yes.”

You both slammed quarters into the machine. Ellie narrowed her eyes, “I’m going to annihilate you.” she said.

You smirked. “You literally just lost the motorcycle race.”

Ellie sighed like a martyr. “Fine. But I’m not holding back.”

“You’ve never held back in your life.”

You both slid your coins in. The machine lit up with that familiar vvvvvmmm of the puck loading up. Ellie rolled her shoulders, cracked her knuckles, and positioned herself like she was about to defuse a bomb. You grabbed your paddle like it was a mortal weapon.

The puck dropped.

The first point? Yours. Quick and clean.

“Fuck yeah!” you whooped, lifting your arms.

Ellie pointed dramatically. “Beginner’s luck.”

The next round? She scored while you were still dancing from your previous win.

“Rude!” you cried.

“Focus up,” she said, eyes glinting.

You both got so intense. The puck clacked across the table like a bullet. Your knuckles started aching from the collisions. Ellie was muttering things like “calculated trajectory” and “this is physics, baby,” which was ridiculous and also extremely hot.

The score climbed. 4 to 4. 5 to 5. 6 to 6.

Final point.

She squinted at you over the rim of the table. “Winner gets a kiss.”

You blinked. “You just made that up.”

“So?”

“…Fair.”

The puck shot out again, and for a moment, everything slowed. Ellie lunged. You twisted your paddle. The puck bounced off the wall—

—and slid right into her goal.

You blinked. Slowly. Then looked up.

Victory.

Ellie just stood there, stunned. Paddle slack in her hand.

“I think you’re choking,” you said softly. “Want some victory soda?”

She groaned, dragging both hands down her face. “I hate this stupid game. This game is rigged. It’s broken.”

“You’re a bad loser, you know that?” you grinned, crossing your arms.

“Can I at least get a consolation prize?” she pouted, and gave her a small kiss on her cheek.

Those memories blurred together now. Warm and fast, like a highlight reel you couldn’t help but replay in your head. The way Ellie had looked at you in the planetarium, her face glowing with stars. The way her tongue poked out when she focused, sleeves rolled up, eyes sharp, and tattoo flexing. The way her hand gripped your waist during that stupid dance game, both of you laughing too hard to breathe.

You hadn’t slept together yet…not all the way, but the tension had started blooming between you in glances and lingering touches and shared hoodies, every moment a little more fragile. All of it, layered like sediment, the slow, quiet shift between friendship and whatever this had become.

Now, Ellie was lying on top of you like a human blanket, gallery prints long forgotten, the curve of her nose pressed into your chest. She was supposedly taking a break,though it had turned into her full-body flopping onto you with all the drama of someone who hadn’t slept in three days. You threaded your fingers through her hair, scratching lightly at her scalp the way you knew she liked. She let out a hum, breath slow and even against your collarbone.

“You’re supposed to be working on your gallery,” you reminded her softly, lips brushing the crown of her head.

“M’working,” she mumbled. “Just horizontally.”

“Ellie.”

She groaned into your chest. “Just five more minutes.”

“You said that fifteen minutes ago.”

“Well now I mean it.”

You smiled despite yourself, thumb brushing over her temple. Her whole body was warm and heavy and tangled with yours, one of her legs slung over both of yours, her arm wrapped lazily around your waist. She wasn’t letting go anytime soon.

Ellie sighed dramatically, face still smushed into your chest. “Mmm. Don’t wanna do the gallery. Hate the gallery. Gallery sucks.”

You laughed. “You’re the one who’s been obsessing over it for weeks.”

“Yeah, but right now I’m busy.”

“Doing what?”

“Laying on top of the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Very important.”

You rolled your eyes, heart doing the embarrassing flutter it always did when she said shit like that. You ran your fingers through her hair again, feeling her melt further into you.

There was a pause. Soft. Heavy.

Then Ellie looked up, that specific gleam in her eye that always meant trouble.

“What if we ditched this gallery prep bullshit for a little while?” she said.

You raised a brow. “And do what, exactly?”

“I dunno. Go for a drive. Kidnap a raccoon. Smoke a joint on the beach. Something not involving fluorescent lights and burn out.”

You bit your lip. Thinking about it. The clock blinked past 10 pm. The apartment was quiet. The weight of October air clung outside the windows, thick and chilly.

You sat up slightly. “Wait. Beach?”

Ellie grinned. “Beach.”

You both got up immediately, snatching your jackets and hoodies, slipping into your shoes in a rush. You grabbed your bag as Ellie tossed a blanket at you and snatched her keys before the two of you hurried out of the studio.

The windows were cracked. Your hair whipped around your face in the night wind. Ellie drove with one hand on the wheel and the other resting absentmindedly on your thigh, her thumb tracing light circles over the fabric of your jeans.

She looked free, wind in her hair, face lit up by the passing headlights, radio humming low.

You couldn’t stop smiling.

The beach was mostly deserted, just the soft hum of the tide and the faraway glow of streetlights behind you. You hopped out of the truck, the sand sticking on your shoes damp beneath your feet.

Ellie tossed you her hoodie, hitting you straight to your face.

“Hey!”

“You’ll thank me later,” she grinned.

You pulled it on without protest. It smelled like her cologne, warm and familiar. “Thanks.”

“Race you to the shore!” she shouted, already kicking off her boots.

“Wait!” you laughed, fumbling with your own shoes before taking off after her. Your bag bounced against your side with every step, slipping off your shoulder as you ran, breathless and giggling as the cold air filled your lungs.

At one point, Ellie turned suddenly and knocked you off balance, wrapping her arms around you as she spun you both around. You tumbled to the ground in a heap, landing right on top of her, both of you breathless, your cheeks flushed from the cold and the rush of it all.

You turned onto your side, propping yourself up on your elbow as you looked at her.

“It’s… really nice out here.”

“Yeah,” she murmured, brushing the sand from her jeans as she stood. Then she held out a hand. “Come on. Let’s take a walk.”

You slipped your fingers into hers without hesitation, like muscle memory. Like saying yes to her had always been easy.

The two of you wandered toward the water, the waves stretching out endlessly before you.

You wrapped your arms around yourself as you walked, a light breeze brushing over your skin, carrying the scent of salt and earth. Ellie’s jeans were cuffed above her ankles, feet bare, toes sinking into the wet sand beside yours.

She was quiet for a while, and you didn’t rush her. The silence was soft between you, not heavy.

Then, almost like she was thinking out loud, she said, “I think I’m burnt out.”

You glanced over, watching her eyes follow the moonlit waves. “From the gallery?”

She nodded. “Yeah. It’s like… the more I try to prepare, the more it feels like I’m running on empty. Like I’m squeezing everything out of myself and there’s nothing left to give.” She gave a small laugh, dry and tired. “Kinda pathetic.”

“It’s not pathetic,” you said gently. “You’ve been putting your whole heart into it. That’s a lot.”

Ellie didn’t answer right away. She just kept walking.

“Maybe,” you added after a beat, “you don’t need to squeeze anything out. Maybe you just need to breathe a little. Let yourself recharge.”

She looked at you then. Really looked at you. And something in her expression softened.

“Maybe some fresh air is exactly what you needed,” you said, nudging her shoulder lightly. “Who knows—maybe the ocean brings back your inspiration.”

But her inspiration was standing right in front of her, with wide eyes and a soft smile, that same smile that reassured her from her doubts and fears, that made her believe everything was gonna be alright.

Ellie snorted. “Yeah maybe.”

You kept walking a little farther until the sand grew softer and untouched, the sound of the waves a little gentler here. Ellie paused, scanning the area before she pulled the blanket out from where it had been tucked under her arm.

She laid it down carefully, smoothing it out before sinking onto it with a sigh. You sat beside her, legs crossed, watching as she leaned back on her hands and tilted her head toward the sky.

The stars were scattered and quiet tonight. The kind you could get lost staring at without realizing how much time had passed. A breeze passed over you both, cooler now, but comforting. Ellie’s arm brushed yours as she shifted slightly to get more comfortable.

The sound of the waves filled the silence between you, steady and calming. You both had your jeans cuffed, ankles cold and damp from the water. The blanket was barely big enough for two. Your knees were touching.

Ellie was rummaging through the pocket of her jacket with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Boom.”

She held up a perfectly rolled blunt between two fingers like she was revealing a magic trick.

You blinked, then burst out laughing. “You’re gonna get me fired, you know that?”

“Please,” she scoffed, pulling out a lighter, “you can just live with me and be my muse forever. I’ll make you coffee in the mornings. Feed you clementines while you read on the couch.”

She lit the blunt, taking a painfully slow drag, and passed it to you. The smoke curled around her lips and you wanted nothing else but to press yours against hers.

“Muse salary probably sucks.”

“It does,” she admitted. “But the benefits include me and… me, and cuddling 24/7.”

“Wow. How could I resist.”

You took a hit, coughing just a little on the exhale. The haze settled slowly over your limbs, warmth spreading through your chest and cheeks. Time slipped a little sideways.

The blunt moved back and forth between you in a rhythm as natural as breathing. The stars were pinpricks above the ocean, shimmering, scattered, infinite.

Ellie leaned back on her elbows, gaze fixed on the sky. “You ever think about how the light we’re seeing from some of those stars started traveling toward us before the human brain even existed?”

You tilted your head toward her, confused, blinking slowly. “What?”

“Like… we’re looking at the past. Some of those stars could already be dead. We’re just seeing the ghost of them.”

You stared at her, momentarily forgetting about the blunt burning between your fingers.

“You’re literally the nerdiest person I’ve ever met.”

“Thanks. I try.”

The blunt burned lower in Ellie’s fingers, smoke curling around her jawline, eyes soft and half-lidded as she looked at you.

“You’re staring again.” Her voice was low and teasing but not like before. This wasn’t about calling you out. This was about pulling you in.

You didn’t look away. You didn’t even try.

“You look really pretty right now.”

Her brows raised a little, almost surprised. But she didn’t deflect it, didn’t joke it away this time. Just blinked, slowly, lips parting.

She kept going, voice soft and raspy from smoke and salt air. “And Earth moves through space at like, 67,000 miles per hour. Which means no matter what we do, even if we’re just sitting here, we’re still flying through the void. Isn’t that kind of fucked up?”

You didn’t answer right away. You just looked at her. With her messy hair, jeans cuffed like a little boy, freckled face lit up in moonlight and awe. She looked like she belonged up there, with all the stars and the galaxies, floating above you like in a dream. And she kept gesturing toward the sky, completely unaware of the way her words made your ribs tighten.

You blinked slowly, a breath catching behind your teeth.

God. I’m really falling in love with her. Was all you could think about.

Not in the loud, crashing way. Not like the movies. No. This felt quieter. More dangerous. Like something blooming in the dark. Like the soft ache of knowing, really knowing…that if you let yourself, you’d never stop wanting her. Not just her body, not just her kisses. But her.

The way she got really quiet when she was focused. The way she always turned down the volume on her phone before coming into your apartment. How she knew the difference between your tired silence and your mad silence. How she never let your coffee go cold. The way she let you rest your head on her lap without making a big deal about it. The way she touched you like she didn’t realize she was doing it.

Something that always came back. The way she looked at you like maybe, just maybe, she already knew.

You passed the blunt back to her with a shaky hand, trying not to exhale your whole damn soul.

“You okay?” she asked, catching your eyes for a second too long.

You nodded, biting the inside of your cheek to ground yourself. “Yeah. Just… thinking.”

“Dangerous.”

She smiled at you, all teeth and freckles and affection. And you were doomed.

You wanted to kiss her and tell her how far fucking gone you were, that she has already ruined you and there is no turning back. Instead, you just smiled, barely.

“You ever just… forget how good this feels?” Ellie asked quietly, her voice rough with honesty. “Like the world gets so loud, and you forget how simple it can be to just stop for a second?”

You turned your head, so you could look at her. “Yeah. I think we forget to stop because we’re scared everything will fall apart if we do.”

Her eyes flicked to yours, gentle and tired. “Yeah...”

You smiled faintly, the sound of the tide folding over itself again in the background. “Guess that’s what fresh air’s good for.”

Ellie huffed a small laugh through her nose, and without thinking, she reached for your hand in the space between you. Her fingers grazed yours before curling around them, warm and sure.

Neither of you said anything after that. You didn’t need to.

She took another drag and leaned her head back to stare at the sky. “Fuck man, I should’ve brought my camera, the view is unbelieveable,”

You sighed dramatically, then reached into your bag. “Oh, Ellie…”

She glanced over, puzzled, until you pulled out her camera and held it up triumphantly.

“No fucking way,” she laughed, sitting up straighter, her entire face lighting up. “You’re the best. Are you kidding me?”

“You think I don’t know you by now?” you said, handing it over. “I saw it sitting by your keys and figured you'd regret leaving it behind.”

She shook her head in disbelief, already adjusting the lens. “God, you’re unreal.”

You blushed, trying to play it cool, but it was impossible with the way she was looking at you—like you were some rare artifact she'd just unearthed.

Then she brought the viewfinder to her eye. “Don’t move.”

You froze. “What?”

“Stay like that,” she said, voice softer now, focused. “You look—just stay.”

The shutter clicked once. Twice. She shifted slightly, capturing you from another angle, then tilted the camera up toward the sky, the stars, the waves behind you. The sound of the shutter was rhythmic and careful, like she was trying to memorize every second.

She lowered the camera slowly, then looked at you again, really looked. The way the moonlight enhanced your features and the air blew your hair in all the right directions, like slow motion, she couldn’t hold herself back, she didn’t have to anymore.

Ellie leaned in, cupping your face in both hands, her thumbs brushing just beneath your cheekbones. Her touch was warm and steady, like she was grounding herself through you.

Then she kissed you. Firm and certain.

It wasn’t soft, not this time. It was hungry. Her lips moved against yours with purpose, urgency threading through every second. You melted into her touch instantly, your hands finding her waist and pulling her closer until there was no space left between you.

Her hand came up to cradle your jaw, thumb brushing the corner of your mouth, her blunt abandoned somewhere in the sand beside you. And you kissed her back like you could bury the ache under your tongue and hope she didn’t feel the way you melted against her.

She tasted like weed, salt and chapstick and something inherently her. Your fingers tangled in the fabric of her jacket, clinging to her like she was the only thing tethering you to the earth.

When you shifted, she followed, leaning into you as the kiss deepened, her hand slipping to the back of your neck, thumb still grazing your skin like she couldn’t stop touching you.

You broke apart just long enough to breathe, foreheads pressed together, your lips brushing as you smiled against her mouth.

She looked at you through half-lidded eyes, flushed and dazed. “You’re so fucking pretty,” she murmured. “It’s not fair.”

And when you finally pulled back, she didn’t move far, her forehead bumped gently against yours, eyes still closed. Neither of you said anything for a moment. You just breathed together.

“We should probably…” she whispered, voice hoarse, like she wasn’t sure where that sentence was going.

“Go home?” you offered, a little breathless, a little terrified.

Her eyes opened, hazy and low-lidded.

“Yeah. Home.”

But her fingers didn’t leave your cheek right away. And when you finally stood, brushing sand off your jeans, folding the blanket with shaking hands and adjusting your bag, you felt Ellie’s hand on your wrist.

“Wait.”

You turned just in time for her to grab your waist and hoist you up with a laugh, throwing you over her shoulder like you weighed nothing.

“Ellie!” you shrieked, kicking your legs, your fists beating half-heartedly against her back. “You’re gonna make me fall on my ass!”

“Relax,” she snorted. “I’ve got you.”

Your voice was muffled by your own laughter, face buried in the fabric of her jacket.

She finally set you down by the car, both of you breathless with laughter, your heart was still thudding from more than just the chaos. Her hand lingered at the small of your back as you climbed in, and you sat there for a second, staring out at the ocean one last time, still high from the weed and the kiss.

The car ride home was awfully quiet. But not the kind that meant nothing was happening. It was the kind of quiet that pulsed. That built up like crashing waves.

Ellie’s hand had been resting on your thigh the whole way. Her thumb traced slow, lazy circles into your skin over the fabric of your jeans, and the warmth of her touch was burning through you.

You shifted in your seat. Crossed and uncrossed your legs, then stilled, because the pressure of her hand there firm, warm, claiming, was making your brain short circuit.

The music was low. Just a beat, pulsing through the speakers. Her fingers flexed slightly against your thigh every time the bass dropped. You didn’t even know what song was playing. Neither of you said anything. But your skin was on fire, your mouth dry, and the only thing you could focus on was how badly you wanted her. Right here. Right now. And it was obvious, painfully, dangerously obvious…that she felt it too.

All you could think about was her mouth. The way she’d kissed you back on the beach. The way she tasted. The way her hand had cradled your jaw like you were precious and hers and ruinable all at once.

Your breath caught in your throat when her fingers squeezed your thigh a little, just enough. But she didn’t say anything. Just kept driving. Eyes focused on the road. Her lips parted, jaw set tight. Like she was holding herself back from something.

When she parked, neither of you moved.

A beat passed.

Then two.

And then you opened the door, heart hammering.

Ellie was behind you in a second, grabbing the blanket, your bag, the abandoned water bottle in the cupholder. And still, somehow, her hand found the small of your back as she guided you inside.

By the time she pushed open her apartment door, something had already shifted.

Because the second it clicked shut behind you…She dropped everything. Your bag hit the floor. The blanket was halfway off your arm when her hands grabbed your waist and yanked you in like she’d been starving.

Your back hit the wall with a soft thud. Her lips found yours instantly. Messy, hot, urgent.

You gasped, one hand flying to her shoulder, the other tugging at her jacket like it offended you that she was still wearing it.

The weed still in your system made everything so much more intense. Her mouth, her scent, the drag of her hands over your waist. It was like every nerve in your body had been rewired just for her.

She kissed you like she was burning up, rushed, teeth knocking, too much tongue, but somehow that just made it better. Sloppier. Desperate.

You smiled against her mouth, and her hand immediately grabbed your jaw, angling your face the way she wanted.

Your fingers dug into her shoulders, dragging her closer. “Ellie—”

“Yeah?” Her voice was ragged. Her lips brushed your jaw. Your throat. Your collarbone.

“Your room—”

You didn’t finish the sentence. Because she kissed you again, like she already knew.

You both stumbled messily toward her room, laughter and breath tangled between kisses. Ellie’s fingers tightened around your hand, grounding herself in the feeling of your skin. Her head was spinning, not just from the weed but from the fact that this was real. You were here, touching her like you needed her.

She silently thanked herself for tidying up earlier, the faint scent of cedarwood and laundry detergent curling around the space like an invitation. There were no distractions. Just you, her, and the electric charge buzzing between every touch. You kicked off your shoes without thinking, and she was already guiding you back, hands firm at your waist as she gently eased you onto the bed. Her body followed, urgent, reverent, starved—lips crashing against yours like waves meeting the shore. You didn’t hesitate. You pulled her closer. She hovered for just a beat, eyes devouring the sight of you, flushed and waiting.

No lens could ever even come close to capturing the way her eyes saw you, the glistening on your face, with your pupils dilated and lips puffy, something holy worth waking up to, like a small prayer whispered before risking everything you got.

She didn’t waste any second, she was all over you, like smoke lingering in the air after you’d shared a cigarette. Intimate. Sharing the object that had been around your lips and hers, she always inhaled a little too hard, like maybe she could taste you through the nicotine filling her lungs.

But now she could have you. In this moment, she laid on top of you, and you were looking at her with those wide, doe eyes. And right now, nothing else in this room, or in this world, mattered. You were waiting for her just as much as she had waited for you.

Your fingers grazed her collarbone, tugging slightly at the fabric of her shirt, pulling her in, as if you’d die if you didn’t taste her in this second, like your life depended on it. She reciprocated, lips hungry—slow, memorizing the crevices of your mouth, giving you entrance to her own, tongues swirling around, slow dancing together.

Ellie cupped your face, her calloused fingertips rough against your tender skin, tickling your flushed cheeks. She trailed kisses from your lips to your jaw, her mouth hot and open tingling on every spot, you sat up slightly, and Ellie took it as her cue to lower her lips to your neck, warm breath hovering the flesh of your neck, as she left open mouth kisses, like she was trying to memorize the rhythm of your pulse with her lips.

Your hands were tangled on her auburn hair, fingers pulling softly with each kiss.

A small moan slipped past your lips, you tried to cover it by snuggling your face into Ellie’s neck, but she noticed.

And oh lord—she wanted to replay that little sound for the rest of her life.

Something shifted in her. Primal. She was starving for you. She needed to cover every inch of your skin with her mouth, trace a map across your body, taking note of every sweet spot that made you squirm under her.

God she was high on you, just by kissing. Pathetic.

You pulled back to look at her again, and the look she gave you?

Fuck. It was unraveling you.

Slowly, you pressed your lips to hers again, the kiss deepened. Messy, sloppy, perfect.

Hands roamed slow and lazy, tangled in fabric and hair, fingers trailing like they had nowhere else to be. Then, suddenly, the weight shifted. You felt an arm slide beneath your back, the other steadying you both. And before you could say something , Ellie pulled you up, lifted like you weighed nothing and settled you gently into her lap. Your thighs bracketed hers now, knees sinking into the bed, your lips still locked together.

Now both of you were chasing dominance with your tongues, breathy moans and low groans spilling between kisses. Ellie's hands rested on each side of your hips, gripping the soft flesh, digging her fingers into your skin.

Meanwhile you lowered your hands down to her stomach, slipping under her shirt. Her skin was warm and soft, so soft. You traced little circles with your fingertips as your hands traveled to her back.

Ellie broke the kiss for a second, catching her breath, and when her eyes met yours, she knew—

You needed her as much as she needed you.

She gave you a small nod— permission, and you took it as a welcome sign.

You lifted her shirt slowly, as if you were giving her the chance to say something, to stop you. But she didn’t. She raised her arms letting you tug it off completely and tossed it aside. Bare freckled skin now only framed by the black sports bra she wore, muscles tensing from the shyness she suddenly felt.

She followed immediately, helping you out of your shirt, leaving you in your bra. Ellie had been waiting for this moment since that night she’d accidentally caught a glimpse through your door. The image of your bare back, the strap of your bra. It had been burned into her memory ever since.

She was so caught up in that thought, she didn’t even realize when you shifted your weight completely and she was now the one lying beneath you, with your knees caging her hips.

Ellie’s breath caught in her throat, her hands instinctively settling on your clothed thighs. You could feel her heartbeat pounding beneath your palms, a steady drum that matched your own. She looked up at you like you were a miracle. Her pupils were blown, partly from you and from the weed, lips parted, and you could see the faintest tremble in her chest as she tried to keep her breathing even.

You dipped your head, brushing your lips over hers, soft and slow. A kiss like a secret. One she’d never tell anyone else but you. You pulled back just enough to look her in the eyes—her lashes fluttered, lips chasing yours, already missing the contact.

Her hands moved, skimming up your thighs, slipping under the hem of your bra strap. Her touch was reverent, like she didn’t quite believe this was real.

“You’re so…” she whispered, voice barely there, but the rest of the sentence vanished in your mouth as you kissed her again. Deeper this time, your tongue sliding past her lips, tasting her like she was something you needed to survive.

Your hips shifted, rocking forward just slightly, and the sound Ellie made.

Fuck.

A soft, breathless whimper was enough to make your head spin.

Her fingers dug into your waist, pulling you closer, anchoring you to her. You could feel her muscles tense beneath you, her body responding to every inch of you.

“Tell me this is real,” she breathed, voice cracking around the edges, raw and so full of need it made your chest ache.

“It’s real,” you whispered against her lips. “I’m here.”

You leaned down again, trailing kisses along her jaw, down her neck, your lips brushing the shell of her ear. Ellie let out a shaky exhale, her hands sliding up your back, fingertips tracing the curve of your spine.

You smiled, teeth grazing her collarbone. Ellie groaned softly, arching into you as your kisses grew messier, more urgent, like you were trying to mark her soul with your mouth. She let you take your time, let you explore her inch by inch like she was sacred territory.

When you sat up again, her hands followed your movement. One trailing along your ribs, the other cradling your jaw, thumb stroking your cheek. The way she was looking at you then? Like you were starlight. Like she’d never let anyone else touch you the way she did.

You leaned into her touch and whispered, “You okay?”

Ellie nodded, eyes glassy, lips swollen, chest rising and falling like she’d just run a mile.

“Better than ever.” She looked completely undone, flushed cheeks, strands of hair sticking to her forehead, eyes drunk on the sight of you.

You leaned in slowly, like you were about to worship her. Your lips ghosted over hers, brushing once, twice, teasing. Cruel. And when you finally kissed her, it was all teeth and tongue, heat and hunger.

She groaned into your mouth, hands sliding up your sides and gripping your waist like she was trying to keep herself grounded to the moment. But she couldn’t, not while you were grinding down on her, slowly, hips rolling just enough to make her curse against your lips.

“Fuck—” she gasped, breaking the kiss as her head fell back into the pillow, exposing the long line of her neck.

You didn’t waste the opportunity.

You pressed your mouth to her throat, biting softly just below her jaw, then trailing your tongue over the spot like an apology. Her fingers slipped under the band of your bra, thumbs brushing over the underside of your breasts, breath coming out in shallow, desperate pants.

“You’re driving me fucking insane,” she muttered, voice rough and broken.

You pulled back to look at her, lips wet and a little swollen, eyes hazy.

“Yeah?” you whispered, breath brushing her cheek. “What are you gonna do about it?”

That lit something in her. She sat up just enough to crash your mouths together again, teeth clashing, tongue tangling with yours in a messy, frantic kiss. One of her hands slid down, gripping your ass, pulling your body harder against her lap, hips bucking up with zero shame.

You gasped into her mouth, nails dragging down her back, and Ellie cursed again. Low, and filthy.

“Can I?” she whispered into your mouth, hands moving to unclasp your bra, her voice trembling with restraint.

You let her—let her strip you bare, skin flushed and burning. She stared for a second, like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing, then she leaned forward and kissed the top of your breast, slowly, her mouth trailing lower. Her tongue flicked across your nipple and your head fell back with a moan, hips grinding down on instinct, desperate for friction.

Ellie groaned when she felt it, her hands grabbing your waist and helping you move, guiding you to rock against her in slow, aching circles.

“That’s it,” she whispered, her voice wrecked. “Just like that.”

Your hands tangled in her hair, tugging with each roll of your hips. Every kiss got sloppier, every sound louder, every breath more frantic. Ellie was everywhere—mouth on your chest, hands gripping your ass, hips thrusting up into you like she couldn’t fucking help it.

You felt drunk on her—on the heat, the pressure, the want of it all. And when she looked up at you again, eyes glassy, lips slick, it was over for you.

“I need you,” you said, barely audible, but it was enough.

Her hands stilled, holding you there. “You have me.”

Ellie was already breathless beneath you, her cheeks flushed, lips kissed swollen, chest rising and falling like she’d just run for miles, but it was nothing compared to what you were about to do to her.

You leaned in, brushing your lips against hers again, slower this time. A whisper of a kiss, soft and drawn out, like you were trying to memorize the way her mouth felt…like you had all the time in the world. And you did. This was yours. She was yours.

From her lips, your mouth began its descent, trailing to the edge of her jaw, to the spot just beneath her ear that made her inhale sharply. You kissed down her neck, stopping at the hollow of her throat to leave a lingering, open-mouthed kiss there. Your tongue grazed the skin, slow and warm. She whimpered, her hand instinctively gripping the sheets.

Your kisses continued down, over the curve of her collarbone, across the center of her chest. You mouthed over the black fabric of her sports bra, feeling the way her breath hitched when your teeth grazed her nipple through the fabric.

“Fuck,” she whispered, squirming slightly beneath you. “You’re—teasing.”

You didn’t say anything. You just smiled against her skin and kept going.

You pressed soft kisses down her stomach. Pausing just above her belly button, letting your breath tickle her skin. Every inch you touched left her gasping, her muscles twitching under your mouth. You looked up at her then, eyes locking with hers. She was already gone. Lips parted, gaze completely fixated on you.

Still not breaking eye contact, you reached the waistband of her pants. Your fingers toyed with the button, and you watched her nod without saying a word.

You undid them slowly, dragging them down her legs, eyes never leaving hers. She lifted her hips to help you, the soft hiss that left her lips making your thighs clench. You peeled them off, tossing them aside, leaving her in nothing but her dark boxers. The sight in front of you left you in awe, legs trembling, laid out just for you—was enough to make your core ache.

But you weren’t done yet.

You leaned in again, kissing along the sharp lines of her hips. One side, then the other. Slowly. Warmly. Her hands fisted the sheets, a sharp gasp escaping her lips when you mouthed at the sensitive skin right at the waistband, trailing down to place an open mouth kiss to the wet spot of her boxers. You looked up again—still holding her gaze, and hooked your fingers into the fabric.

“Okay?” you murmured.

She nodded quickly. “Yes. Fuck—please.”

Still keeping your eyes locked with hers, you reached for the waistband of her boxers and pulled them down, slow and careful, exposing her inch by inch. Ellie lifted her hips again, obedient and trembling, and you slid them down until she was bare in front of you.

You could’ve stopped just to stare. Her thighs were slightly parted, her breathing ragged, her tattoo curling along her forearm as she gripped the sheets. She looked like she could cry just from the anticipation.

You settled between her legs and let your fingers slide through her folds, wet, warm, already soaked. She gasped, hips jerking slightly.

“This all for me?” you asked, fingers teasing but not entering.

“Shut up,” she rasped, her voice thin, wrecked. “You know it is.”

You smirked, leaned in, and kissed her hip again, just to be cruel. Then, slowly, you pushed two fingers into her.

The way her mouth dropped open, the way her brows pinched like it physically hurt to feel this good, you never wanted to forget it. You curled your fingers just slightly, hitting the spot that made her whimper.

You kept your eyes on hers, and when her lips parted in another moan, you leaned in close, your voice a whisper. “You’re so fucking beautiful like this.”

Ellie looked ruined with her hair spread across the pillow, hand covering her mouth now, trying to quiet the sounds that kept spilling out of her. But she couldn’t stop them. Not when you were fucking her this slow, this deep, your palm pressing against her clit with each thrust.

“Don’t hide,” you murmured. “I wanna hear you.”

You fucked her slow, deliberate, dragging your fingers in and out while your thumb circled her clit. Her hips moved with yours, chasing the friction, her thighs twitching with every movement.

“God—fuck, that’s it—don’t stop,” she breathed. Her voice was high, strained, like she was barely holding it together.

You sped up just slightly, enough to make her cry out. Her hands clutched your forearms now, nails digging leaving half crescent moons in your skin. She moaned again. Loud, desperate, and you knew she was close.

“Come on, Els,” you whispered. And somehow that made her walls clench harder against your fingers, pulsating with every thrust.You started speeding up, hitting just the right angle, her back arched and she choked on your name.

“I’m—fucking—fuck—” Her whole body tensed, then shattered. Back arching off the bed, head thrown back, a moan breaking open in her chest. You leaned in, kissing her as she came, swallowing her moans, keeping your rhythm until she was trembling beneath you. You only pulled out once her body stopped twitching. Then, with your eyes never leaving hers, you slipped your fingers into your mouth and licked them clean, savoring her orgasm

You grinned as you dragged your fingers out with that small “pop”.

Ellie choked on a gasp, eyes wide, pupils blown.

She didn’t waste a second.

After your little display and those fucking eyes locked on hers while you tasted her off your fingers…Ellie snapped. She rolled you onto your back like a rag doll, with a roughness that wasn’t aggressive, just desperate. Her mouth was on yours immediately, hands framing your jaw, tongue sliding in as if she couldn’t get deep enough.

“Mine,” she murmured, almost to herself, between kisses. “You’re fucking mine.”

Ellie hovered over you, flushed and breathing hard, her skin glistening, her eyes blown wide with lust and awe and something deeper—something that cracked you open just by looking at you like that. You were still panting from making her come apart on your fingers, but that didn’t stop her from slipping her hands under your thighs and flipping you onto your back, her mouth crashing against yours in a hungry, lingering kiss that tasted like heat and desperation.

“You think I’m gonna let you get away with that?” she rasped against your lips, her voice low and breathless. “No fucking way–”

Your breath caught. Your legs instinctively parted around her hips, your hands clutching at her arms, the muscles flexing beneath your fingers. Ellie leaned in, pressing kisses to your jaw, then your throat, open-mouthed and wet, letting her tongue drag along the curve of your neck.

You arched into her instinctively when her lips brushed your collarbone, then went lower. She kissed between your breasts, and you felt the cool air and her hot, roaming gaze, addicting.

“So pretty,” she murmured, her voice gone thick. “Fucking perfect.”

She wrapped her lips around one of your nipples, sucking slowly, letting her tongue flick over it before biting down just enough to make you gasp. Her hand came up to play with the other, thumb circling, pinching, teasing, until you were whining, thighs rubbing together beneath her.

And she wasn’t even close to done.

She switched sides, kissing the curve of your breast before giving the same treatment to the other nipple, slower this time, messier. Her teeth grazed your skin, and then she trailed lower…tongue dragging down your ribs, over your stomach, leaving tiny wet patches and hot breath in her wake.

But she didn’t rush. She took her time, leaving small hickeys on your chest, just above your heart, another on the soft swell beneath your breast, and one lower, just to the side of your belly button. She wanted to mark you, and she wanted you to feel it every time your shirt brushed against those spots later.

By the time she reached the waistband of your jeans, you were trembling.

She looked up at you from between your thighs, and fucking hell you could’ve just cummed at the sight of her beautiful green eyes looking at you like that, all desperate and needy, hands sliding to your hips.

“Still ok?” she smirked.

You could barely form words. Just a breathless, desperate nod.

She undid your jeans slowly, dragging the zipper down with purpose, fingers teasing at the waistband as she leaned in to kiss your lower belly, just above the fabric. You lifted your hips so she could tug them down, and she did—carefully, kissing every new inch of exposed skin. Your thighs, your inner knees, the dip just above your underwear. You were soaked already, and Ellie saw it, smelled it, her breath hitching.

“Fuck, look at you.”

She pressed a single kiss to the front of your panties, right over your clit. You whimpered, bucked into her mouth, and she just chuckled low, mouthing at the wet fabric. Her tongue dragged over it once, then again, leaving it wetter with her spit. Then she sucked at it, lightly, then harder right through the cloth, until you were gasping, your hips twitching beneath her grip.

“Tastes so fucking good, even through this.”

She hooked her fingers in the waistband and tugged them off in one smooth motion, tossing them aside without looking. Then she kissed your thigh again, and again, and again, until you were practically begging.

Then finally—finally, she spread you open with both hands and dove in.

Her tongue flattened against your pussy and dragged up in one slow, singular motion, like she wanted to study your body with her mouth. She moaned into you at the taste, low and guttural. Like it relieved something inside her. Her tongue flicked against your clit, soft and rhythmic, then she pulled back just long enough to spit on it, watching the mess drip and smear as she dove back in.

Your head fell back against the pillow.

“Ellie—fuck—”

She hummed again, arms wrapped around your thighs, holding you still, her face buried so deep you could feel her breath inside you. Her tongue teased your entrance, then pressed inside you, slow and firm, while the tip of her nose rubbed against your clit with every movement. Hitting just the right angle.

You gripped her hair hard—really hard. And she just groaned into your pussy like it made her wetter, grinding her own hips into the mattress while she fucked you stupid with her tongue and sucked your clit in between.

The tension coiled fast and hard in your stomach, your thighs beginning to tremble. Ellie felt it. And added two fingers without warning, curling them up just right, and doubled down with her tongue until you broke, cumming hard with a growly cry, hips jerking on her face, your hands pulling her impossibly closer.

But Ellie didn’t stop.

She didn’t even slow down.

She fucked you through it, licking up every drop, moaning into you like she’d drown there happily.

When she finally pulled back, her chin and lips were shining. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, breathing heavy, pupils dark and starving. Then she crawled up your body and kissed you, deep and messy, letting you taste yourself on her tongue.

“Didn’t get enough,” she panted against your lips. “Need you again.”

You felt her hips roll down into yours, and then again, more intentional, needy. You looked down.

She was already grinding against you, bare now, both of your slick combining. Your thighs instinctively spread wider, and Ellie settled between them, her cunt sliding against yours, hot and sticky and so fucking wet.

You gasped. “Oh my God—”

The friction was instant. The way your clits brushed together made you both cry out. She grabbed your thigh, threw it over her hip, angling you just right. Then she started to move, grinding slow and deep, her forehead pressed against yours, her breath stuttering every time your bodies slipped perfectly together.

“Feels so fucking good,” she groaned. “Shit—you’re perfect—”

You couldn’t even respond. You were too caught up in it. In the slippery, desperate rub of her cunt on yours, the raw eye contact, the sweat and tension and whimpers she couldn’t hold back.

Your hands clutched her back, your legs wrapped around her waist, and you met every grind with one of your own. You were soaked, overstimulated, and yet completely insatiable.

Ellie’s voice cracked as she picked up the pace, her hips stuttering, her sounds getting louder, higher.

“You gonna come again with me?” she begged, voice strained. “Please—*fuck—*I wanna feel you come on me.”

You nodded frantically. You could already feel it—your second orgasm, rolling in fast. Your muscles tensed, your thighs clenched around her, and then—

You both came.

Harder than before. Together.

Her body collapsed onto yours, her face buried in your neck, both of you shaking and soaked and breathless.

The room is quiet, save for the low hum of the fan in the corner and the echo of your breaths slowly syncing again. The air is thick with the scent of sweat and skin, heat still clinging to both of you, but you’re not in a rush to pull away.

Ellie’s lying on her back, arm stretched out, inviting, and you settle into her side without thinking, thigh slung over her hip, your chest rising and falling against hers. Her skin is still warm. Damp in places. You let your fingers wander on her skin, tracing the soft, faded scars scattered across her stomach.

She doesn’t flinch.

Instead, her hand finds your waist, and she’s holding onto you like she needs the reassurance that you’re real. That you’re still here.

Your fingertip drags in slow circles, skimming across her ribs, then trailing down again, stopping to gently trace the outline of a small mark near her navel. You wonder where she got it. If it hurt. If she ever thought to tell you.

Still, neither of you says anything. You shift slightly, arm draped across her middle now, and your other hand finds her forearm, the ink there familiar beneath your touch. You trace the edge of her tattoo, carefully, like you’re memorizing it with your skin.

Ellie’s breathing deepens. You feel it in the way her chest rises under your cheek, the way her thumb starts brushing gentle lines across the bare of your back.

And then, softly, almost like a thought slipping out by accident, she finally speaks.

“You are the most beautiful girl on this planet—” A pause. A breath. “No. This universe.”

You scoff, letting your lips curve into a smirk against her skin.

“Pffft—You say that to every girl you sleep with?” you mumble, teasing, but your voice comes out quieter than you meant. Too full of feeling.

Ellie huffs a laugh, but you feel the shift in her body. She’s still smiling, but there’s something quieter behind it, more serious. Something heavy in her chest that she doesn’t quite let out yet.

“No girl has gotten lucky enough.”

You lift your head, just slightly, eyes meeting hers.

She’s not grinning. Not smirking.

She’s looking at you like she wants to kiss you all over again, but not in a way that’s messy or frantic or lustful.

She’s just there. Staring. Open. Soft.

And you don’t say anything back.

You just curl into her again, one hand resting on her chest where her heart is beating like a marching band, the rhythm of her palpitations calms you down. And she lets you stay there. Quiet. Wrapped in each other like neither of you know how to ask for more. Even though it’s already written all over your skin.

Sunlight slips lazily through the slats in the blinds, casting pale golden stripes across the tangled sheets. Ellie stirs, arm reaching out instinctively to the other side of the bed, but it’s empty now. Still warm, just barely. She blinks groggily, eyes adjusting to the morning light, her limbs heavy with sleep and muscle ache.

There’s a second where panic flickers through her.

Did you leave? Was everything just a dream?

But then she smells you on her pillow. Faint traces of your shampoo, your skin, your sweat from the night before, and the corner of her mouth tugs upward, soft and slow.

She turns her head and sees it.

A little piece of paper on her desk, scrawled in your handwriting.

“Headed to work. U looked too cute to wake up. Pass by the diner if ur not busy ;)”

Ellie stares at it for a minute, then flips onto her back, one arm thrown over her eyes as a smile overtakes her entire face. It’s the kind of smile she couldn’t hide even if she tried.

Stupid. Giddy. Lightheaded.

You.

Her mind plays it all back in bits, your mouth, your hands, your body pressed to hers like it had always belonged there. The way you looked at her like you were afraid to blink and miss her. The way you touched her, so safe and sure, like you were tracing art into her skin.

And now you were just… gone.

Gone, but not far.

Her eyes flutter open again. The note’s still there. The sheets are still messy. Her chest still feels full in that unfamiliar, aching way. She sighs, long and dreamy, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

When she finally sat up, her hair was a mess, body sore in the best way. The note is still clutched between her fingers, and she reads it once more for no reason other than the way it makes her stomach flip.

She stretches, smiling like an idiot, already thinking about what she’ll say when she sees you again. Already wondering how she’s supposed to act around you now. Already imagining the way your face lights up when she walks into the diner.

Had she mentioned how irrevocably fucked she was? So completely, irreversibly, stupidly fucked for you.

How she felt like she dug a grave for herself, how this would either be the best thing ever or the worst heartbreak of her entire fucking life. And she didn’t wanna think about it, because she’s scared as shit.

She’s scared of herself more than anyone.

୨୧─── ⋆୨୧⋆ ───୨୧─── ⋆୨୧⋆ ───୨୧─── ⋆୨୧⋆ ───୨୧

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[sunflowerwinds]

cherry babyyy, do you have any tips on writing? like on tumblr ☹️🙌

hi sweet nonnie! this is so crazy how you’re asking ME for advice about writing.

honestly, tips i would give from writing on here for a little bit are to:

take it easy! — don’t rush yourself when it comes to your work. if people like your work, they won’t care how long you’ll take whether it’s days, weeks, months to put out something.

write what you love — don’t let the people on here with negativity and toxicity make you feel you need to write a certain genre or theme like smut, fluff or angst.

do your proper reasearch — if you’re writing about topics in which you do not know about, please try to educate yourself to be more aware of what you’re writing and how it could impact those on here.

and take this however you deem fit! i am not a professional writer at all. this is just how i feel about my own writing and being on here for 2 years now.

be gentle with yourself and your work, everyone. it’s yours.

[sunflowerwinds]

cherry, you’re trying to gut me, THE NEWEST ADDITION TO SOCCERPLAYER VI 💔💔💔

“i wish i met you first” , load a gun and shoot me right fucking now 😓😓

IM SORRY.

i hate angst as much you do i swear.

(ignore that line <333)

[sunflowerwinds]

this is me rn btw

me evily laughing

(ily angel)

[sunflowerwinds]

girl, so confusing | v.a

summary: your relationships are a jumbled mess all thanks to you. you try to make amends with caitlyn but she isn’t so forgiving. vi makes an appearance that has you questioning if this was all worth it.

prev. part -> lick it, spit it

pairing: fem!cheerleader!reader x soccer player!vi

contains: modern!au, angst and so much of it, rocky friendships, tw: alcohol consumption and intoxication, and useless lesbians.

word count: 3.2K

a/n: i hope y’all don’t kill me this being my first post for pride month. i love you all. HAPPY PRIDE MONTH, ANGELS!! be safe & enjoy <333

Two weeks of absolute silence from Caitlyn is what you received from that incident.

During practice, she would purposefully ignore you and talk to pretty much every member of the squad except you. After the first few days, you figured that you deserved it.

It’s fresh, you told yourself as you watched her turn her back to you to talk to a fellow cheermate while you stared at her back; facing the indignity of your actions.

But nearing week two, you were tired of being iced out from the one girl you wanted to talk to more than anything right now. The problem with all of this was that when something like this would happen you would go to… well, Caitlyn.

Every bothersome event that happened throughout your day, you would bitch about it to Caitlyn. Now, you were stuck with no one to help you fix this.

And Vi.

Fucking Violet.

You couldn’t even start on how Vi has been treating you since the event. She didn’t text you for about a day or two, giving you the space that you had asked of her but by day five, she was spamming your phone with anxious texts.

A mixture of ‘how are you feeling today?’, ‘text me when you can please’, and the most gut-wrenching one; ‘i miss you.’

Like she was blatantly unaware that what you two had ruined everything.

At that two week mark, you had 35 unread texts from Violet and it was killing you to not answer them. Every single time you saw her name, your mind flashed the memory of Caitlyn’s infuriated and betrayed face when she realized what you had been hiding from her.

It’s not like you didn’t want to talk to Vi.

The guilt of it all was what you couldn’t handle; not while Caitlyn was shunning you out of her life.

It was the week before your first big cheerleading routine for the football team and you have had enough of it. The side-eyes when you dared to be inches near her, the huffs of annoyance when she realized you had arrived to practice, the near childish behavior when Caitlyn hadn’t even given you the time of day.

Whispers of the truth amongst your cheermates.

‘I heard she fucked Caitlyn’s ex.’

‘I think she walked in on them, like, oh my god. Talk about traumatizing.’

‘Can you believe she just did that and for so long? I would’ve beat her ass.’

That’s the thing. Even though they were talking shit about you, to your face, you were still another pretty and sweet cheerleader, just like them.

Yeah, fucking right.

So, you decided that the morning before practice, you would approach her and attempt to finally explain yourself.

Coach Medarda dismisses your squad with a not-at-all disencouraging statement: “Ladies remember, this is our first routine of the football season. We cannot mess this up. You are one unit. Without one of you, it does not work. So be present. And complicit.”

You suck in a deep breath as you watch Caitlyn chugging her water bottle on the metal bleachers, alone. Her blue strands are stuck to her forehead as her head tilts up to the cloudy blue sky, eyes shut as she attempts to calm her heart rate from flying.

You’re in a similar position but, exhaustion aside, you’re focused entirely on something else. You take a few seconds to muster up the courage and open your mouth.

You speak softly, going to sit down next to her.

“Cait?”

Her eyes peek open to see you, and they roll like they have been for the past two weeks; a familiar scene. She sits up and attempts to stand and walk away, but you reach for her wrist as a silent beg for her to stay.

Her head whips towards you with an uninterested expression, but her shoulders tense, giving away how irritated she is.

“Please, Cait. Let me explain.”

Caitlyn blinks at you, eyes flickering down to yours, which causes you to release her with a muttered apology. She sucks in a long deep breath before situating herself next to you once again, but staring straight ahead.

“Okay.” She huffs.

“Okay?” You double-check to make sure you aren’t making it up.

Her head turns to you with a sharp glare, but you nod in understanding.

Don’t push it.

You suck in a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for any reaction.

“Cait, I need you to understand I never ever meant to hurt you,” Caitlyn makes a sound similar to a scoff and a chuckle mixed into one. You ignore it for a moment as you continue. “I-I didn’t even know I was into girls until Vi and I got assigned to be partners in English Lit. It happened so quickly and one thing led to another and we were seeing each other every other day. I wanted to tell you that night about everything and come clean. It was killing me keeping that a secret from you.”

The navy haired woman turns her body to you as she questions: “Is that supposed to make me feel better? Knowing that you were doing that behind my back for weeks knowing what she did to me? That you felt guilty?”

“No. No, that’s not–” You shake your head rapidly. “That’s not what I meant–”

Caitlyn presses a palm to her damp forehead with a long sigh.

“Then what do you mean? What is the point of this… explanation?”

Your lips twitch into a frown at that, looking down at your cheer shoes.

“To try to let you know that I never wanted to keep it a secret from you. I thought it was nothing; that she wouldn’t mean anything to me but…” You trail off as you shove your face into your hand, shielding your eyes. “She does. That’s what I was going to tell you that night. That I stupidly caught feelings for her.”

Caitlyn snorts at that. “Yeah. That’s very stupid of you.”

You nod in agreement as you lean forward to look at her.

“Are we… okay?” You test.

Caitlyn sucks in a deep breath. “Why? So that you can feel better about what you did to me? Or so you can talk to me again?”

Your heart sinks at her words, and you shut your eyes, knowing you’re still not in the clear.

And your silence causes Caitlyn to shake her head with a low scoff.

“Cait—”

“I have to go so I’ll-��� she stands to her feet, adjusting her ponytail. “I’ll see you around.”

Not a ‘fuck off’ or a ‘never talk to me again’, so you took that as a plus. She’s tolerating you now.

You watch her step down the metal bleachers, with that unsatisfied, hollow feeling still twisting in your chest.

Later that night, you decided to attempt to write your paper for Social Psych class but the only thing clouding your mind was a red haired figment that has been haunting you. You adjust your back, straightening it to release some tension, when you hear your phone vibrate from across the room.

You still haven’t opened your messages from Vi, refraining from giving in. But you know how easy it is for you to fold for her.

Headphones blasting the most depressing music you’ve ever heard, you type away at your keyboard with determination for any sort of distraction. You’re about halfway through when you swear you hear a thump.

Removing one headphone, you pause your movements to search for another sound. And before you put the headphone back in your ear, another thump echoes throughout the dorm.

You think for a moment that it could be Sky, so you remove both headphones and set them on the counter top. You push back on your swivel chair to leave your bedroom and make your way to the front door.

Then it hits you.

Sky’s been home for over an hour now.

You remember as she peeked into your room to ask if you wanted the leftover food from her lunch.

You're standing in front of the door when you hear another louder thump and then a groan. Curious, you lean forward to peer through the peephole.

In the warped view, you see Vi slumped against the door. One of her hands is pinching the bridge of her nose as she releases long and slow breaths.

What the fuck is she doing here?

“Vi?” You call out carefully, as you didn’t want to open the door and have her come in.

Her eyes widen as she pushes herself off of the door with a grunt.

“Hey, uh, can I come in?” Her voice is slow and has a slight slur to it.

You silently curse to yourself as it’s obvious now that Vi is intoxicated.

“How did you get here?” You ask.

Vi sighs as she shakes her head to herself. “I walked here. Got back from a party with the team.”

You blink. “It’s Monday.”

“Yeah, well, what do I have left to lose, y’know?” A weak laugh leaves her lips as she sniffles.

You shut your eyes with a long inhale before unlocking the door. You twist the knob and hesitantly tug the door open, eyes already glazed over threatening tears.

Vi stands upright to appear as sober as possible, but you aren’t blind. She’s sporting a replica of her jersey in a t-shirt form and a pair of baggy jeans.

You both just stare at each other for a moment; neither one of you is brave enough to make a move.

“Can I come in? Please?” Vi’s voice is low and a little raspy, thick with the alcohol she’s been drinking.

A beat passes. Contemplating on whether or not your choice is going to be a good idea or not.

“Yeah.”

You open the door wider and step aside, avoiding her eyes as she steps in. Her movements are lazy and careless as she looks around the space like she hasn’t been here a thousand times. Her cheeks are flushed, eyes glazed over with tears due to her intoxication.

At least, that’s what you tell yourself.

She points around the room with a soft hum. “Did you do something new with the decor or—”

“Vi, what are you doing here?” You cut off her joking manner.

You shut the door with a soft click and stare at her from a distance. Vi sucks in a sharp breath at your question, rubbing her heavy eyes with her thumb and middle finger.

“We ‘ave a project to do still, you know? You can’t-” she slurs slightly, raising her hand to your body that is keeping distance. “You can’t just ignore me out of nowhere for no reason. Ice me out and shit.”

You shut your eyes as you try to compose yourself, shaking your head.

“You know the reason, Violet.”

Vi takes a few steps forward, her pupils blown so wide you swear there’s only the thinnest ring left of that blue, that shade you would drown yourself willingly. Your arms stay wrapped around yourself, not for warmth, but to keep you from reaching out, from giving in to her touch.

“I wish I met you first.” Her voice is laced with misery, as one of her hands reaches for your face.

Your eyes prick with hot tears as you lean into her palm, giving in for a split second. You retract from her touch as if it's scorching, stepping away and walking around her, holding your hands up in defense. Vi sighs as you do so, turning her body to watch you.

“No. No. You can’t just show up to my place drunk and say that shit to me. I fucked up a friendship because of this, Vi.” You express, out of frustration.

Vi blinks and runs a hand over her face. “Because of this? W-What is this?”

You shake your head. She’s drunk and her knees are wobbling just standing in place, you tell yourself. You need to save this conversation for tomorrow.

“I can’t do this when you’re like this, Vi. Just– C’mon, let’s go to bed. You need to sleep.”

Vi takes a heavy step forward.

“I mean, you don’t miss me? Not even a little?” She questions, voice tight and vulnerable.

Your chest hasn’t felt this heavy in your entire life: facing a contradicting narrative over your life.

You sigh and shake your head. “Vi—“

“Because I do miss you. All the time.” She cuts you off, her voice cracking, exposing herself even more.

A deep cry settles in your throat, itching at the base, but you push it down. You can’t let yourself crumble from a few drunken words.

“Vi.”

She sniffles and breaths out a soft sigh, wiping over her dry mouth with one hand. Her eyes find yours as her bottom lip trembles for a second, before sucking in another deep breath.

You’re not sure what to make of the sight in front of you.

Is it real? Is it pathetic or an act of cowardice?

Maybe it’s both.

“Right. Sleep,” she smacks her lips. “I’ll jus’ sleep on the couch,” she waves you off as she attempts to stumble to the couch.

“Vi, please, just take my bed.”

“But where will you sleep?” She questions, blinking slowly at you.

The only thing you respond with is: “It’s a queen.”

Vi hums at that, before shrugging her shoulders, making her way to your bedroom and mumbling nonsense to herself. You follow behind her as you wipe the fallen tear that escaped from your tired eyes. Your eye catches Sky’s bedroom door slightly open and her head peeking out when Vi accidentally hits her hip on your door frame.

“Is that–” She begins to question.

“Yeah. She’s… drunk. I don’t want her going back home like that.”

Sky’s nods simply, seeming to hold back her true feelings about this situation.

“Okay. Just be careful.” Her curls fall a bit in front of her face as she shakes her head, sucking in a deep breath. “Night.”

You frown but nod back. “Night, Sky.”

Her bedroom door shuts with a soft click, making you sit with a bit of silence before walking over to your own bedroom. Stepping into the room, the first thing you see is Vi laying face first into your mattress.

In her outside scented clothes and shoes. Right in the middle.

You huff as you shut your door and lock it, walking over to Vi’s figure.

“Violet. I need to give you a change of clothes.” You tap her rising and falling back, ignoring the way she groans in frustration.

“Why?” She says into the mattress.

You sigh, rubbing your temple. “Because you’re getting your dirty clothes all over my comforter and I don’t want you sleeping in those.”

Vi rolls over on her back with a long grunt, smacking her lips and looking up at you.

“Like dirtier things haven’t been done on this comforter.” She snorts.

You feel your lips twitch into a smile because yeah, she got you there.

“Even so, come on. Stand up.”

Vi reaches for your arms to sit up and hoist off the bed onto her feet. You stare at her as you adjust your grip on her forearms to keep her upright.

“You okay?” You ask as you stare at her to try.

“Yeah, just… wanna lay back down.”

You blow out a laugh at that and shake your head. “Just give me a second and you can lay back down.”

You let go of her gently, turning toward your dresser to dig through the drawer where she used to leave her clothes, back when your routine was all fucking and studying, one bleeding into the other. You ignore the flashing of memories of you two clawing at each other the second you touch the clothes. You pull out one of her old band tees and a pair of joggers, clear your throat, and hold them out.

Her eyes are lazily blinking at you, in a daze like she’s trapped in her mind.

“I’ll turn around. Tell me if you need any help, okay?” You tell her softly.

Vi nods, eyes never leaving yours.

You tear yourself away from her and stand a few feet away with your back to her, wrapping your arms around yourself. A few seconds pass before the rustle of clothing being removed fills the still silence. That time period felt eerily long, Vi makes grunts of struggle but doesn’t ask for your help.

“‘M good.” Vi tells you after five minutes.

You turn to see her in the changed attire, her shoes now placed under your desk. She yawns and rubs a hand over her face.

“Okay, just give me a second. You can… go ahead and sleep, Vi.” You wave for her to lay back down.

Vi stares at you, eyes flickering over every inch of you. You suck in a deep breath at the intensity.

“You’re always beautiful, y’know?” She mutters before laying down with a grunt.

Jesus.

You refuse to acknowledge it for both of your sakes and watch her shut her eyes, relaxing into the mattress. You leave the bedroom for a second to enter the bathroom, shutting the door with a shuddering breath.

You need to recollect yourself before you face her again. You’re hoping she’ll be dead asleep by the time you come out.

Grabbing painkillers and nausea relievers, you tug the bathroom door open again to go to your bedroom again. Your eyes find Vi’s snuggled up body underneath the comforter now, her eyes shut and soft sighs leaving her lips.

A breath of relief leaves your mouth as you set the bottles on your bedside table, looking at her now relaxed figure.

Careful not to wake her, you shut off your lamp and lift the comforter and sheet to lay down next to her, your back to her. You believe she’s asleep until you hear her whisper in the dark.

“I promise ‘m not gonna throw up on you.”

You release a light chuckle at that.

“Violet, go to sleep.” You hum. “And you better not.”

Another minute of silence.

“Can I tell you somethin’? Before we go to bed?”

You hold back your irritated sigh, needing this sleep for you now.

“Yeah?”

Vi’s silent again, and you think she’s knocked out before she can get other words out. A trembling sigh leaves her lips before she mutters.

“I never liked Caitlyn,” she mutters with a long exhale. “But I like you so much… and I hate that I can’t fuckin’ say it when I’m sober.”

Neither of you move a muscle. A heavy silence falls over the moonlit room.

You open your mouth for a second before shutting it, knowing nothing you could say would make this situation any better. You purse your lips as you hear Vi shift from behind you, eyes prickling with emotional tears.

She’s quiet. She’s asleep.

You fall asleep next to her at last, your pillow damp with quiet tears. Hers is no different. Stained with guilt, softened by the weight of what neither of you can say.

TAGLIST: @korn-dawg @sawaagyapong @unear7hly @leeidk87 @childishname @ferxanda @whisperingcherub @rad-radical2 @strawb4kdior @natscloset @aliendustpee @satorix @rosieeteaa @moodient @mars4hellokitty @klallx @skzvilleshi @drunkenrosesluv @fairexy78 @angelynn-nicole @sevikas-baby @milanyas @jajsnjz @oatmatchalatte @laceyxrenee @kmhbygss @ariariarr @ghostlyvoidydragon @talyaisvalslutsoldier @miajooz @kitty-kei @jivimatcha @orchidprincesss @ilahrawr @morticeras @g4ys0n

[sunflowerwinds]

hi everyone. i wanted to take a moment to speak about something that matters deeply, beyond fanfics and art and stories — something real, something urgent.

as most of you know, this community has connected me with some of the most incredible people i’ve ever met. one of them is @liddy333 — someone kind, thoughtful, insanely talented, and so full of light, even while navigating darkness most of us can’t imagine. she’s from ukraine, and she’s let me share a little of her story to help raise awareness about what’s still happening there.

while many of us go about our daily routines, war still rages on in ukraine. and i don’t mean it metaphorically — i mean air raids, bombs, drones, exploding buildings. i mean cities going dark, homes without water or electricity, and the terrifying reality of never knowing if the next siren means you have to run for your life. this isn’t history — this is now.

liddy, despite everything, shows up for the people around her with such grace and strength. her mom is currently in the hospital undergoing treatment, and liddy is being forced to leave germany — where she had built a small sense of stability — to return to ukraine, because of impossible legal and logistical challenges. she’s scared. she’s overwhelmed. and still, she’s surviving. she’s been living through war, family struggles, and mental health battles all at once — and she’s doing it with more resilience than anyone should be asked to have.

i’m sharing this because i think we forget. we forget what others are going through in the background of our digital lives. we forget that beyond our dramas, our deadlines, our creative projects — there are people just like us who are trying to survive in literal warzones. people who have to choose between safety and family. between a future and a home.

liddy’s story is one of millions. but her voice, her courage, and her ability to still be present and kind and vulnerable… it moved me to my core. and i think it might move you too.

so this is your reminder: stay aware. stay informed. care. educate yourself about ukraine. uplift the voices of those living through it. offer help if you can. and most importantly — never, ever take peace for granted.

thank you for reading. and to liddy: thank you for trusting me. i’ll always hold your words with care. 🩷