#edit: just realised i did this wrong but i dont care i already know my actual name woulda been boring as sht

[nerdie-faerie]

rules: go to Pinterest, search “[your name] core aesthetic” and create a moodboard from the first nine images. no need to mention your name!

I was tagged by @englishbunnyrocks this is such a cute idea

Tagging: @michael-the-angelo @nerdyravenclawperson @flamesandpages @candyholly if you guys wanna

[blackstar95]

The Brothers reaction when MC slaps their ass

Lucifer

As usual, Lucifer listened to some classical music and poured himself a glass of wine to relax a bit.

Once he was done, he brought the glass to his lips and took a sip, savoring the taste.

"Mhm," he hummed to the sound of the melody and blissfully closed his eyes, enjoying the quiet moment he was having.

Much to his dismay, you entered his office without making yourself noticable.

Now dont get me wrong, he loves enjoys your company.

But not when your main goal is to tease him.

An thats exactly what you were doing.

You grinned mischievously as you slowly crept up to him, his back turned to you.

Since he was in his own state of mind, he didn't noticed anything.

That was until you reached your hand out.

In that milisecond, Lucifer's senses were tingling and his eyes shot open, turning around as fast as lightning.

But it was too late.

He only watched as your right hand colided with his left buttcheek, giving it a good squeeze afterwards.

Lucifer jumped and just stared at you in shock, processing what just happend.

And you just stood there with an empty expression, your eyes starring at your palm.

"Wow, your butt is actuallly softer than I thought".

Lucifer furrowed his brows in anger and shook his head.

"MC".

"Yeah?" You asked, looking up at him innocently.

Lucifer had that closed eyed smile with an dark aura surrounding him.

"Now, what made you think this was an good idea, MC?".

You shrugged and slowly walked backwards, shivering nervously "I dont know.. I was just curious?"

"Curious?" He met up with your steps and tilted his head to the side, his smile never leaving

He became dangerously close, making you more nervous than you already are.

You felt your back hitting the wall and your eyes widened.

Oh lord...

Lucifer slammed his palm beside your head, caging you.

You flinched and looked to the ground, feeling suddenly so tiny under him.

Lucifer cupped your cheek and made you look back up at him, a sadistic smile on his lips.

"Such inappropriate behavior should be punished, MC"

I leave the rest up to your imagination.

Mammon

Mammon was walking beside you as always, being practically attached to your hip (nothing new).

You guys were at R.A.D on your way to the cafeteria, since it was break time.

The greedy demon beside you rambled about that new scheme to make money, and you once again had to talk him out of it.

"Ya! It aint a dumb idea!" He protested.

"It is Mammon. Just think about Lucifers reaction and the consequences," you shook your head "Want to hang from the ceiling that bad?".

Mammon only scuffed, turning his head to the side.

You glanced over to him and noticed a visible pout on his lips, making him look like a child.

"Hey, Mammon".

"Hm?" He looked over at you "What's up?".

You raised your hand and reached over for his bottom, smiling sweetly at him.

"Cheer up".

He was about to question you, but before he could even start his sentence, you cutted him off with a real loud smack on his ass.

Mammons stopped dead in his tracks and his eyes widened in shock "W-what?".

Once realisation kicked in, his face flushed in an intsant.

"O-oi, human! Whats the big deal slappin' my butt like that?!". He yelled at you, looking like a fricking tomato.

You couldnt help but let out a few chuckles, highly amused by his reaction.

"Ya! It aint funny!"

Thanks to his loud voice, the whole hallway now knew what just had happened.

Leviathan

Leviathan walked down the stairs to the dining room.

He was really excited because he finally got his hands on the new Ruri-chan merchandise that came out.

"Woaah! I cant believe I got that limited edition figurine!, its SO rare and the new outfit- its just soo angelic-"

Levi being caught in his own ramblings didnt noticed that you were walking beside him.

"And that new hairstyle! I cant believe Ruri-chan could get even more cuter than she already is-"

"Say Levi, to who'm are you talking to?"

"WAh!", Levi jumped slightly at the sound of your voice and almost tripped over his own foot.

"Wha- MC!? How long have you been here!?"

You smiled at him and grabbed his shoulder for support, preventing him from falling down the stairs.

"There there, calm down. I didnt heard much".

Levi let out an sigh of relief and turned to you.

"Yeah right, I mean who would want to listen to an yucky otaku like me?".

You facepalmed in your mind and sighed, he really needs more confidence.

Leviathan kept walking and pitying himself, mumbling random stuff.

He has such a negative mindset.

You walked up behind him not thinking much.

But then you stared at his head and then his back,

Eventually your eyes landed on his bottom.

You smirked to yourself as you just ran past him, giving his butt a hard and loud smack.

Levi yelped in surprise and stood still, overwhelmed with what just had happened.

His hand grabbed his right buttcheek and rubbed it, being too shocked to react.

You turned around and waved at him. "Damn Levi, you really got an nice butt there! Im soo jealous!"

You then disapperaed in the dining room.

Levis brain needed a whole minute to process what just had happened.

And then he became a stuttering mess.

"M-M-MC! W-what was that now?!, h-hey wait!" He hid his flushed face behind the back of his hand as he stumbled after you.

Ngl he was kinda happy you touched him.

Satan

Satan was on kitchen duty, cooking his curry.

He invited you to join and help, so you guys could spend some time together.

And theres no way you would ignore that chance.

So here you were beside him, giving him the ingredients he asks for and making some small talk.

"Did you know that Beel almost ate my hair in his sleep?" You sighed "Im lucky im not bald".

Satan glimpsed at you and raised his eyebrow, shaking his head, "His hunger really doesnt know its limits".

He looked up, "Well speaking of sleep, I had an unpleasant dream last night."

You handed him the spoon and nodded "What was it about?"

Satan sighed, "Beel ate too much and grew to be a giant. He then ate the House of Lamentation, leaving the rest of us homeless".

You laughed, "Why do I have a feeling that could actually happen?"

Satan frowned "He already eats plates, its only a matter of time until he starts eating the walls".

You chuckled, intending to jokingly slap his arm.

But since you werent focused on what you were doing, you didnt notice how your slap landed right on his butt.

Satan dropped the spoon he was holding and looked at you with wide eyes.

"What are you doing?"

You turned to him with an confused expression "Did I do something wrong?"

Satan cocked an eyebrow and leaned his head to the side "You just slapped my butt".

Now its your turn to look at him with wide eyes. "I did what now?".

Satan didnt knew if you were joking or not, and it was kinda ticking him off.

"My butt. You slapped it".

"No I only slapped your arm- ohh wait..." you chuckled.

"What is so funny?" He asked you with furrowed brows.

"Sorry Satan, I wasnt focusing on what I was doing and accidently slapped your butt instead of your arm," You shrugged "My bad".

Satan nodded and turned back to what he was doing "Next time be more careful, or I will return the gesture".

You smirked and leaned over to him "I wouldnt mind that".

He will remember that.

Asmodeus

Asmo was having a mid-life crisis.

He was on one of his diets, because his waist gained 1 millicentimeter.

You assured him that a little more weight always looks good and healthy but he wont listen.

So here you were infront of him, eating one of his favorite Cupcakes.

"MC darling, why do you have to torture me like that?"

He whined "Its not faair!"

You just shrugged "I have another cupcake left for you, but since you're on your little 'diet' I will give it to Beel."

He sighed and dropped his head on the table "Does my pain bring you pleasure?".

You frowned "I-"

Asmo gasps and sat back up straight. "Dont tell me your into that stuff?, Wow!"

He smiled and wiggled in his chair.

You sighed and shook you head "Asmodeus, stop".

He pouted "You're no fun..".

After some time you finally finished the cupcake and Asmodeus had reached his limit.

He watched as you stood up and walk towards to the kitchen.

"Wait, what are you doing?" He also stood up and followed you.

"I will bring the cupcake to Beel-"

"No, wait!" he grabbed your wrist and stared at you.

You looked back at him "What is it, Asmodeus?".

He glimpsed to the side "I dont want him to eat my cupcake.."

You clicked your tounge and pulled him towards you, making him stumble to the side

"What are you doi- AH!" He moaned yelped in surprise as you slapped his ass.

"Just eat that damn Cupcake. Its not like you will gain 10kg from it".

He blushed "Oooooh MC! That really made me excited! How harsh you pulled my wrist-"

You just let go of him and left the room.

"MC where are you going?, you cant just leave me here!"

Beelzebub

Beelzebub asked you to keep him company while working out.

And of course you said yes.

So now you sat there, on the bench with a towel in hand, enjoying the view infront of you.

Beelzebubs biceps flexed as he lifted weights, and his white tanktop was drenched in sweat, making it transparent.

His abs showed through the fabric and you blushed.

How can this man be so big and muscular?

You blinked when he stopped his workout and laid the weights back down.

He grabbed his bottle from the floor and drank from it, taking big gulps.

You decided to stand up and walked over to him.

"Hey, Beel"

Beel lowered the bottle from his mouth and smiled at you "Hey, MC!"

You smiled back, and held the towel in your hand out to him, "Here take this".

"Thanks" He nodded at you and grabbed it, wiping the sweat on his face away.

"So, how is the workout going so far?" You asked couriously.

"Im still warming up" he replied.

You blinked, Still at warming up, huh?.. impressive.

"But im starting to feel hungry..." Beel pouted.

You laughed "You can do it Beelzebub, I believe in you".

He blushed and smiled at you "Thanks, MC!"

So cute.

You nodded and patted his shoulder "Sure".

Beel proceeded to start his warm up again, starting with some sit-ups.

But you had other plans.

"Beel wait!" You ran up to him.

He stopped what he was doing and looked over at you "What is it, MC?"

Before he could fully turn his body to you, he felt a stinging sensitation on his butt.

He looked at you startled, now realising you slapped it.

"Wow Beel, your buttcheeks are pretty hard.. are they made of iron or something?" You hold your hand up to your face.

Beel blushed slightly, not knowing what to do or say.

You just shrugged and turned around, marching towards the bench you were sitting on.

But suddenly, you felt a light clap on your own butt.

You gasped, "What-, Beel?!" You looked behind you and saw him standing there, smiling.

"Your butt feels really soft and nice, MC". he chuckled, "Is that a human thing to do?"

"Beel no-"

Belphegor

Belphegor was taking a nap in the attic, skipping the student council meeting.

And since you were coming late to the meeting due to some complications, Lucifer ordered you to search for Belphie and bring him there along with you.

And thats how you ended up infront of the attic, clearly annoyed.

"Belphegor," you spoke as you opened the door "I know you're in here".

The youngest brother laid on the bed, snoring and cuddling into his cow pillow.

You walked over to him and shook him "Hey Belphegor! Wake up!"

He stirred in his sleep and furrowed his brows.

Eventually he opened one eye and glimpsed at you. "What is it?"

"Lucifer wants me to bring you to the council meeting" you explained.

"Too bad, I wont go" he closed his eyes again. "Why dont you join me?"

"No," you shook your head, "Please, stand up".

He groaned "No, I dont want to go".

Thats it

You grabbed Belphegor by his arms, and turned him on his stomach.

His eyes shot open "Dah! W-what, hey-"

You raised your hand and slapped his ass, the sound of it echoing through the room.

Belphegor jumped and sat up straight, looking at you in disbelief.

"What was that for?!" He blushed

"You should stand up," you crossed your arm over your chest "I asked you nicely but you wont listen".

"Alright..," He closed his eyes "I will go"

You nodded "good"

But before you could turn around, Belphegor grabbed your wrist and laid you over his lap, his hand resting on your butt.

You blushed when you realised what he was doing,

You tried to escape, but his grip on you was too tight.

"Heheh," he chuckled "Time for payback".

"B-belphegor-" you were interrupted by his hand squeezing your left cheek slightly, making you shiver.

Belphegor raised his hand and striked an direct slap on your butt.

He expected you to squeak cutely, but instead a loud moan left your lips.

You quickly sat up and covered your mouth, an massive blush on your face.

Belphegor stared at you with wide eyes,

But after a few seconds he smirked.

"Didnt knew you're into that stuff," he teased you "Im not complaining though".

You just hid your face in his shoulder, too embarassed to look up "Dont tell anyone about this..".

Belphegor chuckled and patted your head "I wont, that would ruin the fun".

He will still tease you about it tho, but just when you guys are alone.

[dorkzrul]

(Chapter 1)

Chapter 2

The next morning she found Luke had texted her and immediately jumped up, thinking he wanted to make amends for yesterday night. However this was all the text said:

Luke Castellan: You wanted to talk? Let’s meet at my place at 5.

No apology, not even an acknowledgement of the fact that yesterday had been their anniversary. Last night’s thoughts came back to her. She decided that she would go over, they would talk about yesterday and she would ask him why he was being so weird. Communication was important for any good couple. They would work through this.

At exactly 4:45, she left the house and reached Luke’s apartment by 5. She rang the bell and waited. Luke didn’t come to open the door. She rang the bell again. This time, she heard someone walking towards the door and fiddling with the lock. Luke pulled open the door and held up a finger. He was on a call. “K, I have to go, Annabeth’s here.” She heard a female voice saying something on the other side of the phone. “Maybe later, I have to go.”, said Luke and he put the phone down. “Who was that?”, she asked, more out of curiosity than anything else. “Noone.” “Um...okay” “Just someone from work”, Luke responded with a sigh. “So, how’ve you been”, he asked, instantly brightening. “You wanted to talk. What’s wrong?” The tone of his voice made her want to hit herself on the head. How could she ever think that he was cheating on her? He loved her!

“Oh um I actually wanted to talk about yesterday” “Sure, what about it?” Wait. had he really forgotten? “Yesterday was our anniversary Luke! How could you have forgotten? I waited for you for almost an hour yesterday!” He looked surprised and smiled sheepishly, “So sorry Annabeth! I thought it was next week. I really did. I had plans to surprise you with flowers and even bought tickets to see that movie you’ve been wanting to see. Ugh, I really messed up didn’t I?”, he shook his head, looking mad at himself. She softened. So he hadn’t forgotten. Well he did mix up the dates but that was a valid mistake. He did seem to have plans to make it special. She could forgive him. And since he’d bought movie tickets, they could go out together next week. “It's fine, it can happen. Lets go to see the movie next week and you can make up for forgetting our anniversary”, she added playfully. Luke looked relieved, “Great! Thank you!”, he tightly hugged her. She laughed. Things were good between them again!

Then suddenly she got a call from the architectural firm she worked in. “Hello?” “Annabeth, so sorry to bother you on a Saturday evening but do you think you’ll be able to send in the report right now? The date got changed to tomorrow and I still need to edit it and send it to boss” “Oh, of course. The report is complete. I'll send it to you as soon as I get home.” “So sorry Luke, I need to go”, she apologized. “It's fine, baby. Call me when you get home. Can’t wait to go out next Friday!”, he kissed her goodbye. She put on her shoes and walked out, closing the door behind her.

That night, as she lay in bed, she realised she’d forgotten to tell Luke about Percy. It’s fine though. It wasn’t really that important. Though she still felt she should’ve told him. She would have wanted to know if Luke was going for coffee with a random girl. She’d tell him tomorrow. Also, she still can’t believe that she’d actually considered that he was cheating. Luke would never do something like that, not just because it was wrong and he loved her too much but also because it would make him like his father. Luke’s dad had cheated on his mother and then just left them without a word. Luke’s mother hadn’t been right in the head since he left, leaving Luke to fend for himself. Luke loved his mother dearly and always took care of her, however she never got better. At least until she met his stepdad. She seemed brighter, happier, better mentally and physically. Until she died in a car crash a few years back. This was on the anniversary of his father leaving. Luke was devastated after that and his stepfather just took all the money that she’d left him and ran. Luke had had a tough past and he blamed his father for it all. However, he looked just like his father and every time he looked in the mirror it was his father's face he saw staring back at him. Luke swore that he would never be like his father and cheating would ruin that.

She fell asleep then, confident that everything was once again great between her and Luke.

The next morning she woke up and jumped out of bed, weirdly excited at the prospect of meeting up with Percy, considering he was just a stranger. You dont meet strangers for coffee, there's something else going on here, a part of her announced. Was there, she wondered, were they friends? She shrugged, it was unimportant. It was Monday, she suddenly realised. She was going to be late to work! She quickly got dressed and headed to work, grabbing a coffee on her way. The day passed, she felt herself get more and more jittery as it got nearer to 4. At exactly 3, she left the office and arrived home with just enough time to get dressed and leave.

She got there right on time and saw Percy already there. He saw her and waved, grinning. “Hey!”, he happily greeted her. “Hi”, she replied, slightly hesitating. He waved over a waitress. “What would you like today”, asked the waitress, clearly flirting with him. “Oh, um I’d like a hot chocolate and a chocolate muffin please”, he asked politely, almost as if he didn’t notice the waitress twirling her hair and blinking rapidly. “Um, do you have something in your eye”, she asked, annoyed. The waitress, Kelly (it was on her nametag), glared at her. “Who asked for your opinion”, she asked rudely. “You’re the waitress aren’t you? Shouldn’t you be asking for my order?” “Fine, whatever. What do you want?” “I’d like a cappuccino please” “Whatever, sure”, she rolled her eyes and walked away, swaying her hips and turning around her shoulder to wink at Percy, who had been watching this whole exchange with an amused expression on his face.

“What?”, she asked when she saw him looking at her. “Nothing, just the way you reacted” “She was just being annoying. I mean she only asked for your order, what about me. I was right there. Like hello, are you blind?!” He laughed at that. She glared at him, before cracking a small smile herself. “So, Annabeth, did you sort things out with your boyfriend yesterday?” “I did actually. It went pretty well” “Did he apologize for standing you up” “He did actually. He thought our anniversary was next week” Percy snickered a little at that. She glared at him, “Hey! It could’ve been you! Are you telling me you’ve never forgotten an important date between you and your girlfriend?” “Okay firstly, I might have forgotten a couple important dates but that’s different.”, he protested, “Secondly, I don't have a girlfriend”. Oh, Annabeth thought to herself, a guy as good looking as you without a girlfriend? Damn! But she kept that thought to herself, once again reminding herself about Luke. “How is it any different?”, she asked referring to his previous statement. “Well, it just is”, he mumbled, the tips of his ears reddening. She sensed there was an embarrassing story in this somewhere and tried to convince him to tell her.

“Fine, fine”, he conceded, grumbling under his breath. “I once forgot my own birthday and when my friend called me asking about my gifts, I thought it was his birthday, panicked and immediately went to his house to give it to him and apologise, only to find he wasn’t at his house. When I got back home, all my friends and family were there and threw me a surprise party. Imagine how much of an idiot I looked like when I entered the house with a gift from my friend and sad because I’d forgotten his birthday, only to be surprised by everyone and realise that it was my own birthday I’d forgotten”. She was doubled over by the end of the story, laughing harder than she had in a long time. “Whew”, she added, wiping away a tear from the corner of her eye. “That is hilarious! Did you really forget your birthday?”, she asked in disbelief. He nodded, embarrassed.

“What about you? Any embarrassing birthday stories”, he asked, grinning, his face still red. She immediately stiffened. Her birthday was a topic she liked to avoid. Percy noticed this and immediately, the expression on his face turned to one of concern, “What’s wrong? Was it something I said? I’m sorry”, he quickly added. “No, nothing you said” She debated for a moment, should she tell him? She’d only known him for a couple of days but he looked trustworthy enough. She decided to tell him. “It’s just, birthdays are kind of a hard topic for me. On the night of my seventh birthday, my mother just left, without a word. My father was heartbroken. He immersed himself into his work until he met Helen, my stepmother. On my 11th birthday, he introduced us to each other and she instantly hated me, I don't know why. I had never done anything to her.They got married soon after and had twins. My brothers, Bobby and Matthew. As I grew older, I looked exactly like my mother and looking at me reminded my father of his lost love. Thus, he shunned me and ignored me entirely. He got his own family with Helen, Bobby and Matthew and I was always the outsider, just another reminder of his failed marriage”, tears were falling down my cheeks by now, “My stepmom hated me as I was the child of her husband’s previous marriage. My stepbrothers learned to hate me. I had no one left who I could rely on… until Luke”

She kept her head down, tears streaming down her cheeks. She felt Percy’s arm around her and moved closer to him, almost burying her head in his warm chest. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be crying. I’m making this whole meeting really awkward.”, she noticed a couple of wet marks on his shirt, “And I also ruined your shirt!” She pulled away, quickly wiping away her tears. “No, no, it’s okay. I'm glad that you trusted me enough to tell me this and I’m so sorry. If it makes you feel better, my father also left when I was little and until a couple years back, I also had a terrible stepfather. He was really bad. He used to hit my mom and I. I still have scars on my back from his knife, and they’re still better than those my mom has.” That did make her feel better, but then she felt horrible for feeling better at someone else’s bad experiences. “Oh, I’m sorry that must’ve been terrible. You said until a couple years back? What happened” “Oh um, he died in a car accident and my mom just remarried another guy. He’s much better. He really loves her and she loves him.” She could hear the pain in his voice. He really loves his mother, she thought. “What about you? Do you like him?” He looked surprised at the question. “Well, I suppose he makes her happy so he can’t be all that bad” “You really love her a lot huh?”, she asked, softly. “I do”, he smiled at this, “She’s the most wonderful person ever. She deserves so much better than what has happened to her. She really loved my father and he left her, leaving her to fend for herself with a baby. Then came Gabe, my first stepfather. He used up all our money and left us injured and almost broke. She worked 3 jobs to support us and we finally got back on our feet. Then, she met Paul, and he’s been around for a year and it’s been great” The two shared soft smiles. “It was really great meeting you today Percy. And thank you” “You’re-you're welcome”, he replied, looking a little shocked. “You too. I hope we can do this again sometime”, he said smiling. “Sure”, she responded.

He walked her to her apartment and then left with a quick hug, momentarily stunning her. That night she fell asleep with a smile on her face, feeling better than she had in ages.

Thanks so much for reading this and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I tried to update asap, which was today. Also, anyone got the Bad Blood reference? Lol. K thanks again for reading and don't forget to comment/review. It helps me write better and update faster!!! *awkwardly hugs readers* <3<3<3

Tagging: @rhian-not-ryan

[dvp95]

can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 4

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e (eventually)

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 3,122 for this chapter (15,775 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

i want to die

Aw, what happened? Did you give SugarScape spoilers?

Despite Dan's horrible mood, that makes him snort. no you buffoon 1 sugarscape has been dead for yrs, much like how i would like to be 2 i don't say spoilers ever 3 it's WORSE

I may be a little out of the loop. You gonna make me guess? I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think it was.

phil, Dan sends on its own for emphasis. i touched my coworkers tit on live telly and now i can't look her in the fucking eye

Jaime hadn't actually cared much. She'd laughed at him, made some jokes about how Dan's spatial awareness hadn't developed yet, and then moved on with grace. Meanwhile, Dan had been having a mild panic attack on his side of the sofa because all he'd meant to do was brush a distracting piece of lint off Jaime's shoulder and, somehow, drastically missed.

It was all of ten seconds of his life, and Dan is still freaking out about it. He's been pacing his hotel room since they got back, hasn't even bothered changing out of the nice shirt he'd worn for the interview.

Like accidentally? Phil finally replies on Dan's third lap of the room.

no phil i need to grope people on camera to finish. what kind of person do you think i am. YES ACCIDENTALLY.

I dunno what you're into. I'm sure she knew it was an accident?

Yes, Jaime knows it was an accident, but that's not the point. there will be gifs phil

Phil sends him some emojis, only some of which make any sense in context. Dan isn't sure why that calms him down so much. He sits on the edge of his bed and sighs, waiting for Phil to stop typing. It takes a while, but eventually Phil says, Then you'll deal with them. It honestly can't be worse than you falling off the Jimmy Kimmel stage? I swear I saw that gif for months before I knew who you were. And if you're worried about people saying you did it on purpose, tell Jaime. You can talk about it like adults.

It's all laid out very clearly, and while it does make Dan feel better, he doesn't think he's finished being dramatic yet. He checks the time and sighs heavily.

dont suppose you'd be up for a late lunch/early dinner to distract me??

Sure! :), Phil responds immediately. The quickness of his agreement makes that part of Dan's brain start shouting again. I'm actually filming today though. I'll be done in like half an hour if you want to meet me here? Then we can either get takeaway or go out?

It's truly fascinating to Dan how practiced Phil seems to be at giving someone options and pretending like either one is fine rather than just offering his own opinion on the matter.

After assuring Phil that he'll be there, Dan considers getting changed. He's only got fifteen if he wants to get to Phil's place on time, and he isn't exactly known for his quick wardrobe decisions.

In the end, Dan just swaps his nice shoes for some sneakers and rolls his sleeves up. He's a little overdressed still, a McQueen button-down maybe a little too fancy for just hanging out with a new friend, but. He doesn't want to be late. Besides, he looks good. Maybe he likes the idea of Phil being surprised, looking him up and down, having the interview as an excuse to be so dressed up.

The part of Dan's brain that exists to remind him that men are attractive has been so, so loud this week. It's been impossible to ignore.

Dan messes with his straightened fringe until his phone beeps, telling him his Uber is outside. He remembers where Phil lives, in the very vaguest sense, but has to get the exact address from Phil.

He's glad that Phil's front door is painted a specific sort of blue. It would be just Dan's luck to knock on the wrong narrow brick building.

Thor barks, somewhere inside, and Dan shoves his hands in his jean pockets as he waits for Phil to answer the door.

"Hey!" Phil greets him before he's even fully opened the door, beaming. To the great pleasure of Dan's ego, Phil's eyebrows raise as he looks Dan over. "Y'know, you could have changed. I wouldn't have minded waiting a bit."

"Feeling underdressed?" Dan teases.

"A little," says Phil. He pushes his glasses up and gestures at his own graphic tee and slippered feet. "If I'd known there was a dress code, I'd have put on a sports coat."

"You look fine, I was just impatient," says Dan. He waits for another beat. "Uh, can I... come in?"

Phil is giving him a smile, the one with deep eye crinkles and his tongue trapped in his teeth, but it drops as he realises that they've just been standing in his doorway. "Oh! Yeah, sorry, come in. I'm actually not done filming just yet, Thor distracted me. Shouldn't take long."

"What are you filming?" Dan asks curiously, his heart pounding a bit as he follows Phil inside and then, surprisingly, downstairs. "Wait, you're the basement flat? Your video lighting is so good, though!"

"Mostly artificial," says Phil. He sounds wistful. "Someday I'll have a place with a glass window, just you wait."

"What are your windows made of now?"

"What? They're made of glass."

"Then why would you need to wait for one?"

"What did I say?"

"Glass window," says Dan, fighting back giggles. They reach the basement door and Phil lets them in, giving Dan a sheepish sort of smile over his shoulder.

"I meant a glass wall. Like a wall of windows, y'know? That's the dream."

"Yeah, it is," Dan agrees, but he's distracted by the fact that he's in Phil's flat. He kicks his shoes off among the pile next to the door and looks around. "It feels super weird to be seeing this place in 3D."

"Oh, probably," Phil laughs. "You want some slippers? My feet get so cold down here, I've got like a dozen pairs."

"I'm alright."

Phil's flat has less natural light than Dan had expected - or, evidently, than Phil would prefer - but the sheer number of lamps, string lights, and scented candles scattered around the place give it a soft glow that Dan is a big fan of. There are bright colours on every surface and every wall, and the overall effect isn't as overwhelming as it could be. Dan still thinks it could be edited down, but. It's very Phil.

To his vague surprise, he sees Phil's bed pushed against the far wall, a backless bookshelf the only divider from the open living space. Box lights and camera are all set up at the side of his bed.

"If I didn't know what you did for a living," says Dan, gesturing at the setup.

Phil grins at him. "Yeah. My landlord still doesn't believe that I don't make porn. You want a drink?"

"Sure, whatever you're having," says Dan. He spots Thor, curled up on a fluffy dog bed in the corner, and immediately starts cooing. "Oh, there you are! Hello!"

Thor perks up, cocking his head to the side, and Dan gets on the floor to call him over. Within seconds, he ends up on his back with an armful of happy puppy, and he giggles helplessly as Thor licks all over his face.

"Thor, down," Phil says from somewhere above them, sounding amused. Thor backs off, winding through Phil's legs a couple of times before he trots back to his bed.

"I love him," Dan informs Phil, still flat on his back. It's not the most flattering angle to look up at Phil, but he can deal.

"So do I," says Phil. He holds up a glass. "Ribena?"

"Please," says Dan, standing back up to accept the drink. He suddenly feels very weird, standing in the middle of Phil's lounge slash dining area slash kitchen slash bedroom. "Er, you've still got to finish filming, yeah? I can just... sit."

With a small grin, Phil waves at his sofa. "Make yourself at home. Just try not to rile Thor up too much? He's already made my blooper reel longer than the video itself."

"I think I can handle that."

Dan cannot, in fact, handle it. He brings his Ribena to the floor so he can sit next to the dog bed and scratch all of Thor's favourite spots. He finds one of Thor's toys as he listens to Phil wrap up a story that sounds maybe ten percent true, and then - well. It progresses to a tug of war before Dan can even entertain the idea that this might be distracting to Phil.

"Dan," Phil says, in this tone like he's trying to sound stern but can't stop smiling. "Are you growling at Thor?"

Yes. "Maybe."

"Maybe? I'm literally filming right now."

"He's just so cute," Dan whines.

"I know he is," says Phil. "I deal with this struggle every day of my life."

Dan sighs and lets Thor have the rope, watching wistfully as he zooms off with it. "Sorry, I'm really not trying to be a dick. I know this is your job."

"Hey, no," says Phil, suddenly sounding much closer. Dan looks up from corgi-watching to see Phil leaning against one side of his shelves, hands in his pockets and a soft smile playing around his lips. Butterflies erupt somewhere in Dan's belly. "I'm not bothered, really. I think it's cute. I just also, y'know, would like to eat sometime today."

"Why don't I just order something?" Dan suggests.

"Alright," Phil hums. "I'm lactose intolerant and hate mushrooms, but the intolerance can be ignored for pizza if that's what you want."

If that's what Dan wants. "What do you want?"

Phil blinks. "Oh, whatever."

"No," Dan presses. He knows it isn't very good manners, but he wants to see if Phil will actually offer an opinion of his own instead of walking that thin line of indifference. "I will quite literally eat anything. You pick."

It's quiet for a moment while Phil thinks it over, only the hum of the refrigerator and Thor's little huffs of breath for background noise. Dan has to admit that the small basement windows have an upside - less traffic din is able to get through. Coupled with the way Phil has lit his flat, the atmosphere makes Dan feel comfortable, like he could curl up here and just stay.

The rug under Dan is soft, the Ribena is perfectly watered down, and he's got a cute dog and a cute boy to stare at. He really could sit here forever and be content.

"I feel like Chinese," Phil says eventually. He's chewing on his lip, and Dan realises he hasn't seen Phil look so... anxious.

"Chinese sounds great," says Dan. "I'll order."

Phil seems relieved that he hasn't accidentally made a horrible choice or something, and he goes back to filming while Dan fucks around on different apps to find the best Chinese place in Phil's area.

--

"You never actually told me how you managed to grope someone."

Dan, who had gotten all wrapped up in chow mein and MasterChef and had forgotten his hellish morning by this point, chokes on air.

"Oh my god, nooooo," he groans, covering his face with both hands and sinking further into the sofa. He hears Phil laugh. "She just! Had some fucking, like, fluff on her shoulder. Like lint. I was gonna brush it off."

"How did you fuck that up so hard?" Phil asks. He sounds so amused that Dan wants to keep hiding, but the curse has him peeking out between his fingers curiously.

"I've never heard you swear," says Dan.

"I don't," says Phil, "on YouTube."

Unfortunately for Dan, the sound of Phil swearing is very hot. He groans again, overdramatic to cover up his very real blush, and gesticulates wildly. "My limbs are not friends with my brain, okay, I've got very big hands and I misjudged where I was putting one of them."

"Yeah, you do." Phil's eyes track Dan's hands with an intensity that makes Dan's gut constrict. Then he blinks, meets Dan's eye again, and the look is gone. "That sucks. I get it, though, my body and brain are not on the same frequency at all."

Dan thinks, a little hysterically, that this is a very good reason not to try and have sex with AmazingPhil - he doesn't want to end up in A&E.

There are roughly a hundred other reasons, too. Dan's uncertainty about his own identity, the fact that he's only in the UK for another two weeks, and the very real bond that they've been forming as friends are all at the forefront of his mind. Even so, it helps to make a joke to himself about it.

"Have you ever touched a tit accidentally?" Dan asks dryly.

"I've never touched a tit at all," says Phil. He's drinking coffee despite the hour hurtling into evening quickly, and Dan has to wonder if he ever sleeps. "Not really my wheelhouse."

"They're fine," Dan says, with much less enthusiasm than he normally would. He can't sit here and talk about his boob opinions with Phil, though, because that way lies madness. So he changes the subject, talks loudly about the episode of MasterChef they're on.

He's not ready to come out properly to himself, let alone to someone he barely knows.

Well, okay. It would be more accurate to say 'just met', because Dan feels like he does know Phil fairly well at this point. At least as well as he knows Jaime or Patrick. And maybe that's more of a commentary on how shit a coworker he is, how bad at making friends he is, but whatever. The point is that he likes spending time with Phil a lot, and he wants to do it more, but he can't have that conversation yet.

Dan knows he's attracted to guys. When he was younger and had an even worse handle on himself, that attraction would either lead to fumbling, fearing for his safety, or both.

Right now, specifically, he is attracted to Phil. This feels different, because he's got no reason to fear Phil or to immediately jump him, he's just comfortable sitting next to Phil in the dim light and letting the warmth of the feelings settle in his chest.

Maybe someday he'll be ready to tell Phil that he likes guys. Maybe that'll even go somewhere. For now, Dan is going to trash talk the chefs like he knows what he's talking about and settle into Phil's sofa and laugh like he belongs there.

Dan gets a little too comfortable. He has no idea what time it is when his eyes start to droop, but he's sure it's unreasonably early for someone who goes to sleep in the wee hours of morning most of the time.

A hand on his shoulder jerks him back into full awareness, and Dan blinks over at Phil. "Whuh?"

"Hey," says Phil. He's smiling and his voice is low. Dan can feel the slight chill of Phil's palm through the thin material of his dress shirt.

It's overwhelming, suddenly, how much Dan wants to lean in to Phil. The itch under his skin that he would feel ten years or so ago, the restless, guilty want that had him falling into bed with whatever bloke would let him, is thrumming through him with an intensity he hasn't prepared for. Dan's tongue feels heavy, and his gaze drops to Phil's mouth before he can stop it.

"Hey," echoes Dan, a beat or two late.

"You're falling asleep," Phil says. There's something about his tone that Dan can't quite place, so focused on his own emotions as he is. "You wanna stay over?"

Dan really, really does. But he really, really, really shouldn't.

"I can't," he says, not bothering to hide how regretful it makes him to turn the offer down. "Breakfast telly or whatever in the morning."

The loss of Phil's hand on Dan is one that he thinks he'll be feeling until Phil touches him again. "Of course. You probably have to wake up ridiculously early for that, huh?"

"Unfortunately."

Dan orders himself an Uber and slides to the floor with Thor in order to stop himself from giving his body what it wants in the short amount of time before it arrives. Thor likes the attention, and when Dan glances up to see the soft, unguarded look in Phil's eye, he thinks that Phil probably doesn't mind being ditched for his dog.

They chat about MasterChef and Dan's upcoming interview for a few minutes, safe topics, and Dan is disappointed when his phone beeps with the notification that his driver is close. He doesn't actually want to leave, he just knows he has to.

"We have to do this again before you head up to Edinburgh," says Phil. He walks Dan to the door, which is a little pointless - it's a total of eight steps away.

"How'd you know we're going to Edinburgh this weekend?" Dan asks, distracted from the process of getting his shoes on.

"Been in the business a while, lucky guess."

"Right. Well, then, I'll have to see what I'm doing on Friday."

"Yeah, just message me," says Phil.

There's a moment after Dan gets his shoes on where they're both just standing there looking at each other, and Dan's heart starts pounding like he's getting chased.

"I'll see you Friday," Dan says quietly, even though he isn't sure that he's free. He just needs to say something. His phone beeps again, probably telling him the driver is outside, and Dan is both relieved and annoyed.

Phil opens his mouth to say something, but Dan's racing heart and anxious mind doesn't want to hear whatever it is. He steps forward and wraps his arms around Phil's waist in a tight goodbye hug. It's the sort of embrace he'd give any of his friends, nothing overly intimate, but he knows he'll be thinking about it later anyway.

When Phil's arms drape over Dan's shoulders and his thumb brushes deliberate circles over the back of Dan's neck, it hits Dan very suddenly that if he were to try and kiss Phil right now, Phil would let him. That kind of knowledge is intoxicating, the surety of it making Dan's head swim.

But. He still doesn't know for sure what he wants, and his Uber is waiting. So he just pulls away, says goodnight, leaves.

[bedlamgames]

Q&A #100

Yes, been a hundred of this things. Totally a meaningless milestone which is one of my oldest tags on here (assuming any are left after the purge...) still I thought I’d do something for it. 

Specifically I’ve gone back over the old Q&A’s and found some favourite questions and answers which I’ll be including in this after the usual round of outstanding ones. Possibly also with some extra commentary where appropriate. 

Anonymous said: Hey. Any pair of characters connected by an Owned relationship/reputation seems to crash the game if you use either one of them on an assignment. Any chance of this being fixed?

- That should be sorted in yesterday’s update. 

Anonymous said: Got a Forest Goblin with both Dancer and Clumsy. This seems like a very strange combination, but imagining it kind of makes me want to laugh my head off.

- Agreed I think that just works due to being amusing. Less poetry in motion and more of a limerick. 

Anonymous said: In No Haven 0.871 the trait " Elementalist: Air " does not appear when using the estimate value function.

- Cheers for pointing out that oversight. Will sort.

Anonymous said: Hi sory english isn't my native langage, In No Have 0.871 TF Edition I have aquired a slaver But with a bug first i don't know how i acquire her and two she had noting , no name no perk jus a little description i will copy the full examine optin on it : - - - - ExamineName: Race: - Sex: - Status: - Reputation: Traits: Condition: 0 Will: 0 Estimated Value: 0 has a flat chest, a regular pussy, and has an unremarkable ass. She is the same size as most goblins, and .She is . 

- That looks like an empty character in all respects. I believe there was an issue with Ritual Casting where that could happen and is now sorted. If you see it happen again please let me know what you were doing when they appeared. 

Anonymous said: Hey Bedlam, watched stream where you discussed not selling slaves debuff, thing is i always imagined slavers being in this business for fun and pleasure first, and gold second. I mean why else would they agree to live in some Skyrim style, long abandoned really, hard to get to fort in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by hills and marshes(at least that how i imagine it)? So maybe you could make something like,"no new slaves, or slave training for X days, getting bored" or something like that?

- It wouldn’t be too harsh at all. Just a bit of a poke to encourage that you’re business model is based around being a slaver over the leader disappearing to the coast for a week and returning with suspiciously large amounts of gold. In that case you’ve got to think that your slavers might feel that they’re surplus to requirements :D

Anonymous said: I hope you're happy for taking so many hours of my life away from me lol. But playing this again; got a question about NH. Any plans on making some rival groups that we can interact with? Diplomacy, getting tribute, ect. It would be kinda cool to have rivals that push you along 

Glad you’re enjoying it! 

Likely yes. There’s ways currently now to set up a few ways to get tribute every so often. More groups though who are more hostile than the not-witches in the marshlands or the mistress of the Ensnared Rose are sure to be a thing sooner or later. 

doof-ex-machina said: Have you read the Gorean saga by John Nornan? If yes, did it influence your vision of the No Haven world? Gor explores a legal female-oriented slave system, yheah, but there are pretty close similarities with NH in regards to the numbers of ‘fodder’ and the ways of training. Anyway, me personally thinks your world is even better because magic and draenei/succubi boobs, duh.

I haven’t but I am aware of them in general. 

NH is a lot more equal opportunities than Gor where males doing it to females, females doing it to males, and all possible variations of that including others like futanari and sissies are likely to happen. Still high praise indeed, thanks!

And now onto some old questions starting with one from before where I realised beginning to combine these might be a good idea. 

onedrift from 2015:  Trying this again...what's your coder fuel of choice? Red bull, Monster, coffee? None of the above? Soon to be bimbofied slavemakers want to know!

- Heh, totally giving my nationality away (if it wasn’t blatantly obvious already) but the fuel of choice is copious amounts of Earl Grey tea.

Anonymous from 2015: Hiya, been a fan of your work for a long time, captions and games thanks for making them, but a question regarding whorelocks revenge, is it possible to get the tangle infection and bonds of insanity? in all my time playing them I never had either I dont think.

- Not in the current version. Basically I wasn’t happy with the implementation in terms of how they were removed so I disabled them for a bit till I can sort it out… which unfortunately has lasted quite some time.

Soon as I got this No Haven update done they’re top of my list of things to sort in Whorelocks.

(Oh zogging hell. Still not done that yet... Extenuating circumstance for sure with NH taking off and WR was still in RAGS at that point, but even so)

Anonymous from 2015: This is probably a poor place to respond to your open-ended poll question, but have you looked into Twine?

- I’ve looked at Twine and when I one day get round to Rough Landing 3 it’s definitely going to be done using it, but to me it looks like an incredibly poor fit for working on No Haven.

(Oh past me why would say such a thing even if it did make a lot of sense at the time. Let’s hope that guy was wrong)

Anonymous from Q&A #1: Title image is hype, cant wait for next update. recall you mentioned that you had enchantments planed for the update after next (or something there abouts) how far ahead have you planned ahead and any spoilers for the update after this one? :D

- Why thank you! I have several pages bullet pointed of what I have planned along with what I have in my head. For stuff not in the next update I’d say not counting more slave training assignments and options and more assignments in the other areas the big bits of content outstanding are;

Way more potions. (Still do do)

Enchantment/cursing of items system.  (Also still do do)

Crafting Devices. (Also, also still do do)

Ways to manage encampments when they get to large by sending slavers/slaves to new areas to provide ongoing gold/supplies along with the occasional assignment. (Oh dear, also, also still do do)

More stuff for you like going on every assignment, bad ends for some of them, more interactions, being enslaved and so on. Basically lots more sub and also some dom content for when you’re not managing the encampment. (Woo progress made! Bad ends for some assignments going on are indeed a thing. Still work to do as I do want to give Crossbones and Into the Depths the QAYL treatment sometime)

Special events that will occur every so often that will affect things be it for good and bad. This will include a way to get a lost slaver back though perhaps forever altered by their experiences. (Woo again this is done. Definitely could do with more done with)

Encampment reputation to reflect a slaver’s standing with how the other slaver’s see them. This will includes slavers becoming slaves and visa versa. (On a roll now as a great deal of this implemented)

More biomancy options and improving thanks to a multi-part assignment. There will also be other multi-part story based assignments. (Partially done and the biomancy multi-part assignment has been started)

And a bunch more basically but those are the priorities after this next update. Probably not all in the same update though.

Anonymous from Q&A #6: I would play the hell out of Paranoia set in No Haven.  

- Temptation to give slavers and you conflicting secret societies and agendas rising.

Y’know like…

Dire Panthers: A mottley band of young savage orcs, amazons and trolls out to raise hell by breaking stuff, setting stuff on fire and generally being a nuisance to everyone.

The Cooperative: A dedicated group of Frozen Queen cultists out to oppose the Human Empire by working together to make things better for the common people… till you know the Queen awakens and buries all the land in eternal ice.

Mage Smashers: Magic iz like wrong an’ stuff! We smash dem in dere stupid face till dey not so smart.

Fellowship-Fel: The denizens that lurk beyond our reality and infect our dreams with tainted nightmares are our friends! We must expose ourselves to as much corruption as possible to make ourselves like them. We see no flaws in this plan whatsoever, you see the chorus of whispers in our minds entirely agrees with us.

Psion: No changes need to be made whatsoever from the original version.

Trekksters: …and I think that’s enough of that, or further evidence of why I shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near RAGS or indeed tumblr when I have my old sourcebooks nearby :D

(Also apologies to most of you who have no idea what that was about!) (This is still far too much of a good idea)

Anonymous from Q&A #17: 2/2 and another hilarious one: Your succubus slave Jaeil was not looking so hot right now so Virholen just held her close and told Jaeil that everything would be alright. Jaeil was oddly quiet everytime you looked in on them and you wonder if they have resigned themselves to their fate. Condition: 45 (Change: 20) - Will: 47 (Change: 15)

After their mistreatment Jaeil sees no reason not to only care for them self as clearly no one else will leaving them hardened and even outright cruel. usc++

- You win best bug report in ages, that is beautiful :D

Anonymous from Q&A #37: Will there be other spirit races in the game besides wisps, such as undynes, gnomes, and dryads? And finally Im new to patreon. I decided to pay for the your character teir but ask for a unique because I dont really understand it. Is the “play your character” a scenario or what? And where do I go to talk with you on what I would like for it?

- True story, I had to google undyines and for ages I couldn’t work out what you were referring too as so many of the results were of that character from Undertale :D

Undines themselves would be no, but I do have a water spirit of a kind planned. (Still do!) Gnomes no, as I’m happy with Hakh Dwarven and the various Goblins as my short races. Dryads absolutely yes, and will be one of the advanced races. See the last Q&A for more details of those.

Thank you for your support! Those options are for those that want to play a specific character that isn’t available in the standard options or design a specific slaver that you can have in your encampment. If you want to see some examples of ones others have asked for before on the playable character front then Orc Wright Raptor, Lago’Mae Scholar or Goblin Underground Potioneer would be a good ones to look at to start off with.

As for the unique slavers then pretty much any of the slavers available under Strong Right Arm/Recruiter.

How much detail you want to go into is up to you. If you want to say oh I just want a Kitsune lady who likes to pole-dance then I’d put something together for your approval, or you can go full on detailing everything about them from their art, description, traits etc. and I’ll work with you to the point I’m happy having it as an option in the game. (Note: If you want an entirely new race like the Golems you need to go for the lore tier given the significantly larger amount of work involved)

For discussing please send me a message on patreon and we can take it further from there.

One thing to bare in mind is that patreon only charges at the end of the month, and so while I’m more than willing to talk it out, if you want to me to do a lot of work on your request I’m going to need to see a pledge go through first. It sucks I know, but this is the unfortunate reality of the internet that alas trust can only go so for.

I’m always happy to discuss things though, I really am, and some people have asked to pay some of their pledge upfront via paypal to get round this which is not a problem if that’s what you want to do.

valhallaimmortan from Q&A #47: I managed to get a elven smith who makes fancy armor that is usually masterwork quality, and equipped my ‘Basher’ Squad with it, the Basher’s are all Ogre’s who I recruited and I have a alchemist who seriously creeps me out with how many petrification potions he has been pumping out. I also like the Lago'mae Scholar how now the Lizard man is using her as his new project… poor Scholar… and I got to ask is it actually possible to recruit a keldan from the keldan mission in the city?

- I love this question, absolutely adore it, and you made the patron who requested the lizardman unique really happy when I mentioned it to them. If people want to send in their favourite/amusing/interesting slavers/slaves that have resulted from generation and gameplay I might do a tumblr post series on them called ‘Tell me about your Character’.

As to the question yes she should be on the critical result.

Anonymous from Q&A #61: Silly question. For clothing and armor, what in your mind is the major difference between micro, and impractical? I can’t really visualize a difference between the two when reading armor/clothing descriptions. Scandalously short is divergent enough that it creates its own image for me. The other two seem as if they would be interchangeable, but they aren’t since there is a distinction so what is it?

- Yay silly questions are always the best questions. Okay micro is where you have outfits that are recognizable bits of clothing but it’s incredibly brief so a skirt that’s more a belt than actually trying to cover anything whatsoever and/or a bikini top so teeny-weeny that it doesn’t even cover all of the nipples. Completely impractical though is the kind of clothing beloved by a certain kind of fantasy art which just doesn’t make any kind of sense whatsoever where looking good trumps any pretension of realism, and the only way it could stay on is either with copious amounts of glue or magic being involved.

Anonymous from Q&A #66: Hello again! I’m the guy who asked about the post-slave [slaver] titles. I’m going to very respectfully push the idea that ex-slaves should get unique titles. First, I honestly think having the unique titles is cooler. It’s more interesting to send a Chosen, an Acolyte, and a Hedge-Witch on an assignment than it is to send three Slavers. It’s a rarity thing, sort of? If you get a character who qualifies for one of those things, it’s a BIG DEAL. Secondly, it already changes with jobs, so…

- Alright, alright, you’ve twisted my arm :)

That should now be included for the most recent update along with a couple of new titles so that all of the more rare traits (not counting crafting ones) should have one. Let me know if there’s any issues as while it was a fairly straightforward change I didn’t get a chance to test that particular bit.

Thanks for reading and here’s to another hundred of these. 

[aro-ace-advice]

Friend troubles

So me and my best friend have been friends for 3 years. But lately I’ve started to get annoyed at a lot of things she does. I decided to try to ignore it but all that did was making her think I’m distancing myself. So we had a falling out where at the end I asked her to keep our distance because I wasn’t comfortable being friends at that moment. Now all my other friends are constantly telling me to just make up already. It isn’t that simple though. We tried to talk it out but she just is not able to stay serious. When I bring something up that I care very much about, she responds by saying we should move to the next subject or just constantly sending stupid emoji’s. So a couple problems I have with her that I brought up are: her parents are very christian, and so is she, but her parents and sister are also very homophobic. I don’t want that negativity in my life so when she told me what their view was I was appaled. She said “Good news, my parents dont hate lgbtq+ people as a person, they hate the sin that they commit” I mean that doesn’t sound like good news to me. And I tried telling her that many times but she doesn’t understand my view. So I might have acted irrationally and told her that she either told her parents I’m a lesbian, accepted that their view is wrong and affects me in a negative way or just leave it as is and we were done. She chose no option and just started shaming me on how I could ever make her choose between her parents and me. All I want is to be accepted but yeah. Another thing is that she feels the need to attract attention from guys, constantly, she texts with a known fuckboy who keeps asking her for nudes (she is always telling me how she hates it that people can be that way) I keep telling her she needs to block him but she keeps going. She is also constantly bugging me during class saying that boy 1 is staring at her and boy 2 really has a crush on me. Even though she knows I’m not at all interested in guys she keeps trying to fix us up. Her arguments for me are very weird and she never gives any examples so I can only say what she said to me. I have no respect for her religion because one time i said “no one puts religion first” I do remember this instant, and while it seems very disrespectful, it is a bit but I apoligised, we needed to make a top 3 from the words religion, hope and love. She herself put religion at 2. And our teacher asked who put it at one and no one raised their hand. So i said it.

During our talk she also apoligised once. But instead of just writing what she was sorry for, she needed to make it a stupid joke again like she always does. She wrote that she was terribly sorry that she did it bla bla and then she undermines my argument AGAIN inside her apoligy.

I just realised the above statement doesn’t make sense without context. So umm I was editing a video for school, this was a group project with me, my friend and another person. We had already had a fight about the fact that I thought I was doing more than her (I always do everything in our group projects so I decided enough was enough) but I noticed that she had ruined several takes just by doing something ‘funny’ like making a peace sign or laughing in the middle of a sentence then starting the sentence again still laughing. So I have a bad temper and I admit, I reacted wrong in this situation. I sent a group text saying that i curse everyone who messed up takes by trying to be funny. She immediately made it all about her so I assured her that I was not only talking about her. But 2 hours later I get a message on snapchat and in the group chat. I read the chat first “Look at snapchat, ur curse worked” Im very confused, thinking she spilled coffee or something. I open the message and its a memoriam, her aunt died of cancer. I felt bad of course. But she blamed me for murder. She later said that i should take it seriously, she was just trying to warn me that i shouldnt curse people. But she did take my comment seriously, so that makes her blame a bit serious as well. Thats what we discussed and she said sorry by first saying she already said sorry, she hadnt, and then “im very sorry my message gave you the wrong impression, I never meant to blame you for murder (rolling eye emoji) i was just trying to warn you.”

I hope you understand my point. Can you give me advice wether or not I should make up?

rina says: if you have to ask a third party whether or not to make up, usually you’ve already decided that you don’t want to, even if you don’t want to admit it. i think a lot of the time with friend troubles we ask other people what they think because we don’t like the answers we’ve come up with on our own. apply marie kondo to all parts of your life-- does this friendship spark joy? if the answer is no, or even if the answer is only sometimes or very rarely, then let go. you’re never obligated to stay friends with someone regardless of how long you’ve been friends or how much effort you’ve put into your friendship. if they don’t make you feel good, or they cause you problems, or you’re just straight up done with their shit, say goodbye!

[fairycosmos]

hey you always give good advice and uh. so ive been feeling like a really bad person bc my ex and i's relationship ended when we realised things were getting Bad for me mentally and my constant anxiety (i have OCD) made me terrified i'd hurt them (not physically bc its long distance but like emotionally) and i think that's what Ruined it which is uhhh ironic i guess??? sbhgfd but it made their friends hate me and now i feel like i'm a bad person bc i Need everyones approval :(((

hey angel. i’m really sorry to hear about the break up. regardless of what you say or do next, losing someone you care about will always hurt, and it’s okay to just let it for a while. you don’t have to push the sadness away, you just have to try to deal with it in a safe way, alright? cry, write about it, talk about it. and listen. when you have problems with your mental health, and you’re going through a tough experience on top of that, your mind will try every single tactic in the book to convince you that you’re a bad person and that it’s all your fault. because that gives you a semblance of control, right? if it’s your fault, then it makes sense to a certain extent. but it’s actually far more complex than that. sometimes there is no simple explanation as to why things turn out a certain way. you can’t bully yourself into believing that you’re a problem, that you’re the only one to blame for everything. that’s not how it works. there are so many different aspects to the situation, and they all factor into why this didn’t work out. if the relationship did end because you were scared of hurting your ex, then that literally makes you the opposite of a bad person, in a roundabout way. you were trying your very best to NOT hurt them. you were doing everything in your power to prevent more damage from occurring. you were trying to save them from more pain. that’s not a negative attribute to posses. that’s not a mean-spirited thing to do. yeah, maybe looking back, there are things you’d do differently, but that’s the case for everything that happens in life. that’s how you grow. hindsight is 20/20, and all you can do is learn from the past. you can’t change it, and it’ll always be there, but it’ll never define you. and it won’t always feel as awful as it does right now. i promise.

as far as the compulsive need to be liked goes, it’s a really common issue, especially if you already have low self esteem. it’s something most people experience to an extent. but it’s also a trap. it’s literally impossible to be liked by Everybody. being liked by Everyone won’t add to your worth, just as being disliked by people doesn’t detract from it. what others think of you doesn’t edit who you actually are. your ex’s friends are obviously very biased against you, right? they’ve been influenced to see you in a negative light, so they’re blinded. you cant control how they think, or how they perceive things. they have an EXTREMELY one dimensional view of you, a multidimensional being. they only know of you because of your ex, and you are so much more than your relationship with them. seriously. none of this is necessarily a reflection of who you are, or who you’ll always be. their opinion is misguided and uninformed, so how can it be trustworthy? your brain will try to convince you that they’re right, but they dont know you, so they cant possibly be. i get it, though. it’s uncomfortable when people have something against you. it makes you feel itchy and like you’re guilty of something, or at least thats how it is for me. but if you look at your very specific circumstances from an objective perspective you’ll see that you haven’t done anything wrong. you haven’t done anything worth crucifying yourself over. it was a relationship that ended sadly for everyone involved. it’s not a crime. you both got hurt. 

and the bottom line is that your mental illness isn’t your fault. it’s not something you asked for, it’s not something to be ashamed of, it’s just a part of you. and while it may cause a lot of stress and anxiety, if your partner isn’t willing to attempt to support you (in this context), then maybe it’s better for you to just focus on yourself, and to attempt to move on. as hard as that is to accept, as impossible at it feels, it’s always an option. i know it’s not what you want to hear, and it’s not any sort of ideal solution, but the fact remains: the only way forward is through. it will get easier. the pain will ease up one day at a time. especially if you’re actively trying to take care of yourself. do you see a professional due to the current climate of your mental health? cause if you don’t, i’d really recommend doing so. that can be your first step towards making yourself a priority. it can be your regular doctor, a counselor, even your parents to begin with…….talking to people about what’s going on in your head doesn’t have to be a big deal. and maybe if you start to work closely with a professional, you can figure out why you feel so desperate to be liked in the first place, why your confidence is so low, what you can do to learn how to like yourself, how you can incorporate healthy coping mechanisms into your life, etc. all of that is within your reach. there are so many choices, so many ways to make this manageable. of course it’ll be a process, it won’t be an instant fix, but it’ll be a positive start. and that’s more than good enough.

i really hope you’re alright, and that you feel better about it all soon. i’m v sorry i couldn’t be of more help. but i hope you know, above all, that you deserve to be loved. you deserve a supportive, healthy relationship with others AND with yourself. and i’m fully certain that you’re capable of reaching out, and of trying to achieve that. i believe in you. i believe that change is guaranteed and happiness isn’t that far out of reach for you. even if it seems like it is. i’m sending you a lot of love. i’m always here if you need to talk, or if you need a friend. please feel free to message me anytime.

[thediariesofanoriginal]

| Blood Bag Beauty |

Anon said: I love your writing! Could I regular an imagine where the reader is a nurse and klaus runs into her while hes collecting blood bags or something and is completely taken back by her kindness to her patients. Thank youuuuuuu!

A/N: Thank you so much and sorry it took awhile to post, I hope you like it although I dont really, I may edit it at some post.

DISCLAIMER: GIF/s DO NOT BELONG TO ME

PAIRING: Klaus X reader

POV: 3rd person

READER: Female

WORD COUNT: 1500

"Yes, I'm sure you will" the young woman chuckled as she adjusted the blanket that covered the older gentleman’s legs "make sure you get some rest because your wife is coming to visit you in the morning, remember?" with her words the old man smiled immediately and nodded his head with appreciation.

Y/N worked as a nurse at the hospital in Mystic Falls, her job always kept her busy so she didn't have much time to go and make friends or have time for things like relationships. However, she was grateful to have a wonderful job where she got to meet and help a lot of different people, being a nurse was a demanding job but it always repaid her with joy and happiness for her patients. On this particular night it was quiet which was unusual for the hospital that was in a supernatural hotspot of a town, but of course she didn’t know about any of that, she believed it was just a town with a lot of dangerous animal attacks, like they always told her. Y/N didn't mind the lack of activity within her ward, it gave her plenty of time to unwind and see to all the patients properly, even if she was one of the only people on that ward for the next few hours. Y/N was kindhearted and always put everyone else's needs before her own, she strived to please and help people and nearly always connected with her patients regardless of age or gender. She was one of the favourites in the hospital and the town, she was the innocent and friendly girl that everyone liked even though she barely talked to many in the town itself.

***

Klaus made his way down the empty halls, whistling a tune quietly to himself as he walked towards the room where they kept the blood bags; he stopped in his tracks and peered into a room filled with beds and listened to a woman.

"When I was your age I already had my third child on the way and I was married to my childhood sweetheart, look this was them".

Klaus looked further into the room and saw the old woman laid in her hospital bed while showing some pictures to a young nurse. The younger of the two sat and smiled while looking through them, she listened intently and was deep in conversation with the elder, showing complete and utter interest in her history. Niklaus smiled slightly at the unexpected sight as it was rare to see a nurse or doctor really care about their patients past instead of just wanting them well again and gone out of the hospital as soon as possible. He stood and listened for a long while completely forgetting his reason for being there, the young nurse gossiped about how busy her life was with her job and nothing else and talked about how the older woman's children never visited. For some reason it warmed his heart seeing that the beautiful, young woman would sit and talk to her patients, especially seem as many were elderly and never got visitors. Many probably would never even leave the hospital at that point. The hybrid wasn’t the kind to care for the life of humans or anyone really other than himself but for some strange reason that woman perked his interest, he was taken back by just how sweet she seemed and he was determined to find something wrong with her that would prove she wasn’t all that sweet. His interests were quickly disrupted as his phone buzzed in his pocket

'Klaus, where are you? It would be wonderful if you could get your arse back here with the blood bags'.

"You know, you shouldn't really be lurking outside of peoples doors at this time of night, you could scare someone" a woman laughed and caught Klaus off guard as he was too busy replying quite rudely to the recent text. "Are you here visiting someone?"

"Yes, I was just leaving actually" he replied after a moment of staring "sorry for the intrusion...."

"Y/N Y/L/N" she filled in the silence as he waited for her to speak

"Lovely name. Klaus Mikaelson" he shook her hand and walked away as he headed towards the room he was originally going before he heard a chuckled behind him

"You know, the exit is that way, right?" Y/N pointed down the hall to the way Klaus had just come and he laughed to himself

"yeah, I just need to do something first"

"Well, Klaus Mikaelson, I cant just have you wa-" her sentence was cut off as a buzzer rang through the hall to alert her one of the patients needed her. Y/N looked back up the hall and the mysterious man was nowhere to be seen, her brows furrowed in confusion but wasted no time concerned over it as she made her way to another patient.

***

The original stuffed a few blood bags into a duffle bag he had brought with him and shut the fridge door quietly. Klaus moved aside a few of the shutters and looked up to the night sky and saw the moon was making its way down again meaning it was in the very early hours of the day. His mind wandered back to Y/N and he wondered how long she must have been working that particular shift, he walked and paid no attention as he sent a text to let the others know he had what he came for

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry” a soft voice yelped as he quickly caught the woman by her arm, she tumbled back after she walked straight into his chest. “Oh, Klaus? I thought you had left?”

“I forgot my phone” he waved his phone side to side with a charming smile and wiped the front of his shirt “well, I was wanting a cup of coffee, so thanks for that”. Her eyes became alert as she noticed she has spilled her beverage all down the front of the man’s shirt, she immediately set the cup down and grabbed a handful of napkins and began to rub the coffee from his clothing. Y/N promptly realised that it wouldn’t clean off his shirt and instead she was just rubbing his chest as he smiled down at her, slowly a red hue crept along her face as she looked directly at him for a moment

“Oh, sorry!” She briskly removed her hand and turned away to throw away the stained napkins into the trash

“Oh, don’t worry love, I really didn’t mind”. Klaus adjusted the bag on his shoulder and looked at the watch on his wrist “how long have you been working? If I may say in the politest possible way, you look exhausted” her laugh echoed lowly through the lonely corridors and she looked at her small pocket watch

“well, Mr Mikaelson, if you must know I am on hour fourteen of my twelve hour shift”. Klaus’ eyebrows knit together with a slight head tilt as he looked the smaller individual up and down

“Surely that is not good for you, why is no one else here?” His voice housed genuine concern and slight annoyance to why a hospital would leave a ward with only one person to supervise, he was almost sure that broke some law.

“I’m used to it, on quite days they usually place staff to floors that need them more” her hand brushed back through her messy hair “I’ll get to definitely leave at six, that’s when someone else’s shift begins”.

The man almost felt sorry for Y/N but he stopped himself, he didn’t want to care but his mouth seemed to disconnect from his brain for a moment

“Well then, allow me the pleasure of keeping you company until that hour arrives” her head shook from side to side as she giggled

“No, I’m sure you have some place to be or at least home to sleep. Thank you for the very formal.... request?”. Klaus sat on one of the chairs and crossed his arms with a smug look across his face to disclose to her that he planned on going nowhere, instead of arguing she nodded and sat besides him as she sipped on her coffee. The next two hours went by hastily as the two chatted none stop, Klaus found out a lot about her life as she did his, he told her as much as he could that didn’t hint to him being a thousand year old immortal. The man couldn’t turn up one thing wrong with her which displeased him because he was sure no one could be that kind and loving just out of the goodness of their own heart, but she was. Y/N was different. Y/N was truly a beautiful human and Klaus was glad he had the pleasure of being able to meet and befriend her.

[blissedoutphil]

Dan’s Purpose

When I first watched actual phan say this, my first thought was “wow im def gonna write lotsa smut about this” but somehow I ended up with....this? A smut blog writing angst?? What happened here :x

But I hope you enjoy my first attempt at (almost) non-smut!! Do give me feedback, like if I should just stick to smut or something lmao bc I honestly dont know if this is any good

EDIT: THANK YOU for voting for this fic in the phanficawards!! It's won third place in the Undiscovered Gem category :) thank you for motivating me and helping me every time I doubt my writing <33

4428 words of neko!dan, owner!Phil, angst, a lil fluff, mentions of smut, grinding, punishment

or read on ao3!

Dan is Phil’s good little kitten. He’s proud of it. He loves it when his Master shows him off to people, loves it when his Master is proud of owning him. He knows he’s lucky to have Phil, especially since he could’ve ended up with anyone in this world, and there are many horrible, awful people out there.

Phil was fair, he was kind. He didn’t abuse his power like so many people did to nekos. He keeps Dan safe and he makes Dan feel loved. Phil treats Dan like a princess, always spoiling him.

Technically Dan was still Phil’s slave. No matter how nicely Phil treats him, he can’t escape from his fate in this world where nekos were just born, bred and sold to serve. Few lucky ones out there got training to serve in better jobs, but most nekos were just sold as pleasure slaves. Dan spent years afraid of being sold to someone nasty. He may not have been lucky enough to get training for a better job, but at least he was lucky enough to be sold to Phil. At least he wasn’t like some of the most unfortunate nekos who had no home and were just left on the street, vulnerable to anyone who mean harm.

When Dan first met Phil at 16, he had expected the worst. Phil was so tall and Dan barely reached his shoulders. He was terrified of Phil and he’d expected to be used immediately by the man 5 years older, but Phil barely touched him. Phil was caring and careful. He made the effort to earn Dan’s trust. He knew how nekos were generally treated terribly, especially since he grew up with one mistreated by his own family. He might have decided to buy a neko only to prove to himself that he wasn’t like his family. It took a while, but Dan warmed up to him soon enough.

And Dan learned that sex wasn’t always painful and scary like the nekos he’d met described. Phil was so gentle with him, he paid attention to Dan’s needs and he never made Dan do anything he was uncomfortable with. As a natural submissive, Dan discovered that he actually enjoyed pleasuring Phil. Soon he realised that he wanted to serve his owner - sexually or not. It was something he never thought was possible before being owned.

Phil did set rules and tasks, although he was lenient with them. Dan obeys them like the good cat he was. Simple things for Dan’s sake, really, like eating healthy, exercising, helping out with chores around the house, and no humping against furniture. Phil would only discipline him if he broke any rule or disobeyed him, but it was a rare occasion.

Dan loves it when his Master shows him off to people, but not this time. Adam crouched down to scritch the back of his ear, but Dan only flattened his ears. He wanted to hiss at Adam to shoo him away, but he knew his Master wouldn’t appreciate that. Dan was hiding under the office table, and with his back pressed against the wall, he realised it was a bad hiding spot.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into him today, he’s usually not that shy,” Phil spoke, addressing Adam who was standing back up.

When Adam left the room, Phil crouched down to have a proper look at Dan. “What’s wrong, pet?”

“Nothing...” Dan mumbled, “just. You didn’t warn me that we were gonna have company today.”

“Sorry about that, I’ll explain later, alright?” Phil said before hurrying out.

Technically, Dan was still Phil’s slave. He should be doing what Phil wants him to, should know what was expected of him even without verbal commands. In that moment, he was expected to greet this Adam guy politely. He knew that was what Phil wanted him to do. But Dan also knew that Phil wasn’t like normal neko slave owners. He wouldn’t get into trouble for acting against his owner’s wishes.

Although he never knew about this Adam guy before today, Dan just didn’t like him. He wasn’t even sure why, because the guy honestly seemed like a nice person. Phil won’t hang out with neko abusers, and he certainly won’t introduce such people to his beloved neko. So Dan knew that Adam was a nice guy. But still he couldn’t help feeling uneasy about him.

Perhaps it was the way Dan saw them entering the apartment, all huddled up together. Perhaps it was the way Phil smiled at Adam, a smile that made the corners of his eyes crinkle that usually, only Dan caused. Something about these little things made Dan’s stomach drop.

Dan quietly crawled and peeked around the office door in time to see Adam leaving. When he saw Adam kiss Phil goodbye, his heart stopped and that was when he knew he was in trouble.

Later that night, Phil was hugging Dan close in bed as they always do when they went to sleep.

“I didn’t plan for Adam to visit us tonight, sorry about that. We were just caught up in rain and we were only 2 blocks away from here, so I decided to bring him back for some warmth while waiting for the rain to stop before he could go home,” Phil stroked Dan’s curls as he spoke, and Dan’s ears perked up, listening intently.

“I’ve never heard of Adam before,” Dan muttered. Phil told him everything, his owner barely had any friends. Phil chuckled sheepishly.

“Yeah sorry bout that too. I’ve been seeing Adam for almost 3 weeks now? I never told you because I didn’t know if it was going to be a serious thing or just like a fling. But I think we might actually get serious.”

Phil was smiling now, a dreamy look on his face. He hadn’t had a partner in ages. He’d been single since before he bought Dan, and Dan’s been with him for 4 years. Dan knew this, so he should be happy for his owner. He really should.

But.

But he couldn’t stop the sinking feeling in his chest. He received lots of training at the neko centre on how to be a proper slave for his owner. How to serve and how to provide pleasure. But he was never taught on how to deal with heartache. Because who would think that a neko would fall in love with their owner?

Dan was in trouble.

Dan wasn’t stupid. He knew this day would come. Of course Phil would finally find someone one day. How could he not? Such a charming, positive and loving guy would surely win someone’s heart soon enough. And of course he wouldn’t expect a human to fall in love with a neko. Yes, he knows that Phil loves him, but not that way. So naturally, he shouldn’t fall in love with a human either.

Except.

Except Dan was stupid. How could anyone fall in love with someone who bought them? Someone he was technically a slave for? But then again, could he be blamed for falling for Phil? The only person in his life who ever showed care for him? Someone who treats him with respect despite their status? Dan was in love and he was stupid.

He was also silent for a bit too long. Phil was looking at him now, and he cleared his throat awkwardly.

“That’s. That’s great, Sir,” he said softly, avoiding eye contact.

Phil either didn’t notice anything wrong or he didn’t want to mention it because he kissed Dan goodnight and that was the end of the conversation.

Since then, Phil started coming home late. Once, he even spent the night at Adam’s and forgot to inform Dan, leaving Dan to sleep alone confused and worried.

The couple stumbled into the apartment late one night, and Dan caught a glimpse of Adam pushing Phil against the door as soon as it closed, the two of them urgently making out. Dan retreated to the office, he couldn’t bear to hear or watch them.

When he was too tired to stay up any longer, he went to the bedroom only to find the door closed, and sounds of sex coming from the other side of the door. Dan sighed and waited by the corridor.

Soon enough the sounds stopped. Dan’s ears were flattened, trying to drown them out. He felt dirty and wrong for hearing them. Perhaps even jealous, but he would never admit that. He waited for Phil to come out and look for him to go to sleep together. Silently hoped that Adam would leave. But time passed and the silence dragged on.

If Adam can satisfy Phil’s sexual needs then...what was Dan’s purpose there anymore? If Adam was now here to keep Phil company, was Dan still needed?

Technically, Dan was Phil’s slave. His purpose was to serve Phil sexually and satisfy his needs and wants. Phil was a lonely guy who needed company when he bought Dan. But if his needs and desires were being met by someone else...Dan was of no use.

His chest began heaving and tears slipped down his cheeks. He considered knocking on the door; even if he couldn’t sleep in bed with Phil, his cat bed was next to Phil’s bed. But he quickly decided against it, Phil was probably asleep already and who was Dan to disturb his Master’s rest?

He tried to stand to go to the lounge and sleep on the sofa, but his limbs felt heavy and he suddenly had no energy to move. He felt out of breath and he couldn’t stop trembling. Nekos who weren’t needed by their owners usually had two fates - either be sold to someone else or just abandoned. Was Phil as exceptional as Dan had thought all this time, or will he be just like any other neko owner out there?

Dan hiccuped and willed himself to shut his brain up and just go to sleep.

It was Adam who saw Dan first the next morning when he opened the bedroom door. Dan woke with a startle when the door swung open, losing his balance as he was curled up against the door.

“Oh! Dan, good morning,” Adam chirped, too enthusiastic in the early hours of the day for Dan’s liking.

Dan didn’t reply, only curled his tail around himself and shied away from the door. He heard Phil exclaim from inside the room, then heard Phil’s footsteps rushing to the door. Dan wanted to hide. He looked pitiful, with his swollen eyes and dried tear tracks down his face.

“Oh I’m so sorry I forgot to let you in, pet,” Phil apologised sincerely, crouching down to Dan.

“It’s okay,” Dan mumbled.

He felt like crying again, how pathetic. He tried his best to keep his composure and quickly went to the bathroom to wash up.

When Dan was done showering and changing, he went to the kitchen and found that Adam had cooked them breakfast. His tail hung between his legs. That was another thing he was meant to do. Adam was replacing him in every way and it was crushing him.

“Dan! Adam made us pancakes, come have some,” Phil gestured to the stack of pancakes on the kitchen table.

It smelled so good, but one look at Adam happily eating next to Phil and Dan’s appetite was gone.

“Not hungry,” Dan simply said and started to retreat from the kitchen.

“Dan, it’s not good to skip breakfast,” Phil’s voice was stern, he always placed importance on Dan’s eating habits.

Dan exhaled shakily, how stupid of him to deny his Master’s requests. Then again, if he was going to be disowned soon anyway, what’s the point of following orders? He steadied his breathing and walked out of the kitchen, ignoring Phil’s confused look.

After breakfast, Adam finally left and Phil took the opportunity to ask Dan about his behaviour earlier.

“Don’t lie to me, Dan. I can tell you only didn’t want to eat because breakfast was made by Adam, isn’t that right?” Phil asked, but he didn’t sound angry, just upset.

Dan didn’t want to admit that he could be so easily read by Phil, so he pawed at his tail nervously.

“Don’t you want to show Adam that you’re my good kitty?” Phil continued.

Dan frowned, how could Phil try to make him feel guilty like it was his fault that Adam was doing all his work now.

When Phil was met with silence again, he sighed. “I don’t know what you want when you don’t even want to talk to me. I have to go,” he got up and left the house, leaving Dan feeling absolutely hurt because Phil didn’t even kiss him goodbye like he always did before going to work.

Dan had a good cry and a great nap afterwards. In his nap, he dreamt of the last time he had sex with Phil. Phil had rimmed him slow and sweet, turning him into a moaning mess before fucking him gently, lovingly.

He was just about to get to the good part where Phil sucked him off while he came, but he suddenly woke up, panting and with a hard on.

Great. Dan groaned, he didn’t know when Phil was coming back since he never seemed to care to update Dan anymore, so he didn’t know how long he’d have to wait to get some relief from Phil. He thought about his dream and felt a mix of anger and lust. It’s been a month since they last had sex. A month since he got an orgasm, which is the longest he ever went without an orgasm since he moved in with Phil.

Then Dan got an idea. He already broke a rule in the morning, breaking another wouldn’t hurt. It’s not like Phil would find out anyway. Dan got out of bed and rushed to the couch in the lounge.

Perfect. It’s always been his favourite place to grind against until Phil placed the rule. The armrest especially gave the perfect amount of friction he needed. He hurriedly pushed his pants down and began humping the side of the couch.

It felt so good, he didn’t even care that he was breaking a rule. So what if he was? Phil doesn’t need him anymore. He’d be thrown out either way, so he should at least get some relief before meeting his fate.

Dan moved his hips urgently, feeling orgasm pool inside him. But tears suddenly blurred his vision as his thoughts drifted to Phil. This is all your fault, he thought. So stupid for falling for your owner. What kind of freak. Your fault, breaking your own heart like this. Now you gotta resort to humping against the couch for pleasure. Fucking pathetic.

Phil found Dan humping the couch. What on earth? First he refused to eat, now this? Breaking two rules in one day isn’t like Dan at all.

“Your fault, this is your own fault,” Dan kept muttering between sniffles, hips thrusting randomly even though he’d already come. It wasn’t even a satisfying orgasm, he was too caught up in his thoughts. He didn’t hear Phil enter the room either.

“Dan!” Phil shouted, and Dan stumbled away from the couch in surprise.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Phil scolded.

Dan responded with a sob. He looked downright miserable, with his ears turned down and his tail limp behind him. Phil shook his head in disapproval.

“Don’t think looking like that will gain you sympathy points,” Phil reprimanded, “So are you going to explain to me why you’re misbehaving so much today?”

Dan looked at the floor. It was hard enough to accept the fact that he was no longer valuable in this place, why did Phil have to make him say it?

“It’s been a month since I got off,” he weakly argued instead.

“Well then you could’ve asked me to help you out!” Phil said exasperatedly.

“Pfft, as if you would,” Dan huffed.

Phil’s eyes widened in disbelief at what he heard.

“I’ve had it with your attitude today, Daniel,” he growled, “I let you off without a punishment this morning, but looks like I shouldn’t have.” 

Phil grabbed Dan’s arm, ignoring his yelp of protest. Dan sobbed loudly as he was dragged into the bedroom. Phil pulled out his cage from the closet and Dan whimpered at the sight of it. He could count the number of times he’d been in there with only one hand because he was a good neko who rarely got punished. But he hated the times he’d spent in there.

“You’re going to stay in here until you’ve come back to your senses, and until you finally decide to properly talk to me,” Phil stated.

Phil tutted when Dan looked up at him with wide, pleading eyes. “Honestly, what’s gotten in to you, Dan? I come back early from work to get ready for my one month anniversary dinner with Adam but now I gotta waste time cleaning your cum off the furniture!”

Phil pointed at the cage, and Dan’s shoulders drooped in defeat. There was no point in arguing. Dan started to feel guilty for his actions, ruining his Master’s anniversary in such an unpleasant way. His Master was a good man who didn’t deserve him, no matter how much Dan loved him. He wasn’t cruel, he was only trying to discipline him. So, Dan crawled into the cage with his tail hung between his legs.

Phil locked the cage. It was big enough for Dan to sit up and lay curled up. Phil was nice enough to always include a bowl of water and a small pillow and blanket in there.

Muttering in annoyance, Phil left the room to clean Dan’s mess. He then came back to get dressed for his dinner, never once looking at Dan despite his whining and whimpering. He left without a word, and Dan was surprised to find that he still hadn’t run out of tears.

Dan didn’t expect Phil to come home soon, in fact he was prepared for Phil to spend the night at Adam’s. It was obviously the better option than bringing Adam back here to see a miserable, useless neko in the room. But Dan told himself that he deserved it. He deserved having to spend the night in the cage, deserved being abandoned, deserved everything for being so naive and careless by falling for his owner.

After spending the night trying not to drown in all his negative thoughts and failing, he finally exhausted himself enough to go to sleep. His rest was short-lived however, as Phil actually returned a while later.

He quickly sat back up when he heard footsteps padding towards the room. He listened for a second pair of footsteps, but it seemed like Phil was alone.

He squinted when the lights were turned on, and blinked as he looked up. Phil was staring at him from the doorway, and Dan’s heart ached when he saw the look of disappointment on Phil’s face.

“I’ll have you know,” Phil talked lowly as he approached Dan, “Adam invited me over to his place after dinner but I could never leave you overnight like this.”

Dan didn’t understand. Why, why would Phil rather go back to a dumb neko than spend his anniversary night at his partner’s place? But his heart ached further at the knowledge that Phil actually cared enough to come back for him. He was a merciful Master who wouldn’t leave his pet in a cage for even a night, even though it was common to let nekos spend their whole sad lives caged up. Dan whimpered, Phil was making it harder for him to leave this privileged life and start a new one with some heartless owner.

Phil crouched down to be eye level with Dan. “You ready to talk to me now?” he questioned.

Dan nodded pitifully, sniffling. Phil unlocked the cage, but Dan didn’t move. He remained sat cross legged near the entrance. He did start speaking, though.

“Why?”

“Why what?” Phil asked. When he saw that Dan wasn’t going to move, he sat cross legged at the cage door, facing Dan.

“Why’d you come back when- when you could’ve spent the night with your. Your boyfriend? Why d-do you still care about me? Y-you’re making it harder for me!” Dan stuttered, unable to stop himself from crying again.

“Harder for you? I don’t understand, Dan. Of course I still care about you,” Phil spoke softly, brows furrowed in confusion. He wanted to hug Dan, but Dan didn’t look like he wanted any physical contact in that moment.

“Stop,” Dan sniffled, “just st-stop pretending already, I know I’m. I’m just a slave and. I’m a useless one and- and. Does no one want to buy me? Is that why? Nobody wants to take me off your hands?”

Phil was stunned by what he just heard. “Dan...” he began, but Dan wasn’t finished.

“I’m sorry, Master,” he stopped crying; it was easy when he finally accepted his fate, “Sorry because I tried to be a good pet for you, but I wasn’t good enough. Sorry I’m just wasting your space and time here now. Sorry for making you care for me even though you don’t need me anymore.”

“Dan-”

“I’m sorry you have to spend your anniversary night here, with a lousy neko. I should spend the night in the cage, it’s what I deserve,” Dan continued, speaking so fast he lost his breath.

He paused and looked up into Phil’s eyes, and was surprised to see that Phil was tearing up.

“Dan,” Phil shook his head and gently placed his hand on Dan’s shoulder, “listen here. I love you, Dan. Okay, it may not be the same way I love Adam, but I still love and care for you so much. You are still more important to me than he is, even if it’s our anniversary. You think you’re being replaced by Adam? No, honey, no. You’ll never be replaced, I’ll never sell you off, understand?”

Phil stroked Dan’s cheek, and the touch calmed Dan slightly as he leaned into it.

“And you don’t deserve to be punished for longer than necessary, okay, no neko deserves that. Nekos don’t deserve to be slaves, and I’d never take advantage of you or treat you as just a servant. You are a good pet, you’re my good pet. I may not need you to “serve” me anymore, but I still want you. Your personality, your company. Your warmth, the way your dimples appear when I make you smile. I still want all of that, how could I ever throw all of that away- throw you away?”

Dan had slowly moved to sit in Phil’s lap as Phil spoke. Phil cradled Dan and swayed them slowly, feeling Dan’s tail wrap around his waist.

“You’re amazing, Dan. And I’m sorry, too. I’m so sorry for neglecting you the past month. I’m sorry for not sharing with you about Adam sooner, I should’ve eased you into it instead of just breaking the news to you the way I did. I haven’t been the best owner recently, but I promise I’ll take care of you. Just because Adam’s in the picture now doesn’t mean I would forget you.”

Dan smiled for the first time since he knew about Adam, and Phil was happy to see his dimples again. Dan looked up at Phil, his eyes glimmering with adoration. Phil smiled back and kissed his forehead.

“If you’re not fond of Adam, I understand. But I hope you’ll warm up to him. He really likes you, you know?” Phil said hopefully.

“He does? Even though I never talked to him?” Dan said, amused.

“Mm-hmm,” Phil nodded vigorously.

Six months later

“Wake up, sleepyhead.”

“Mmphh,” Dan groaned, curling around the warm body next to him tighter.

“It’s your turn to make breakfast!”

“Urghhh why can’t Adam do it!” Dan grumbled, headbutting the shoulder next to him.

“Hey, ‘twas your idea to make it a taking turns thing,” Adam mumbled and pulled the blanket over his head.

Phil chuckled at the sight before him. He would’ve just made breakfast himself, but Dan had insisted that every chore around the house should be done in turns just so he could still feel useful. Even though Phil assured him plenty of times that he was more than okay with having Dan just be the lazy and cute pet in their little family.

After a few more minutes, Dan got up and stumbled his way to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and let his mind wonder. Life is good. He may not be legally free of his slave status, but he is fortunate enough to live with not just one but two Masters who treat him with respect, shower him with love and care and spoil him more than any neko owner out there would.

Dan learned that his purpose in life wasn’t what the training centre brainwashed him into thinking. He wasn’t meant to merely be a servant, he was meant to bring happiness into his little family, to love and be loved. Just because he wasn’t doing what his status requires him to, it doesn’t mean he was of no use; he can still be cherished.

Sure, Phil may not love him the same way he loved Adam, but Phil still loved him and that was enough for Dan. He kept his promise on taking care of him and never leaving him. Dan felt so grateful to have him in his life.

He walked out of the bathroom and saw Adam still sleeping, his boxers still on the floor where it was thrown carelessly the previous night before they had sex. Dan smiled at the memory. He’d learned that the only thing more fun than pleasuring his Master, is getting to pleasure two Masters.

He entered the kitchen and saw Phil leaning against the counter, playing some game on his phone while waiting for the kettle to boil. Phil looked up when he heard Dan come in.

“Finally, you’re up!” Phil exclaimed, “I was about to just make breakfast myself.”

“You know you’re not supposed to do that! It’s my turn,” Dan tried to sound grouchy, but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling.

“G’mornin,” Phil smiled back and kissed Dan’s forehead.

Technically, Dan is Phil’s - and now Adam’s - slave. But Dan is also the luckiest neko in the world.

I originally wanted to end it with angst where Dan actually does get sold off but. I can’t imagine Phil to be that heartless haha and I don’t like sad endings either so yay for happy ending ^^

[botanistlester]

Sweet Pea (15/34)

Summary: A nickname that goes bitter in your mouth. Cries for help that no one listens to. Gentle hands that make you quake on the ground you’re standing on. When Phil first met Nico, he thought he was a gift from the heavens. But behind the mask lies something daunting, something unnerving, that Phil never foresaw. Through his journey, he finds solace in Dan, the regular at his workplace, who seems to be the only one who sees through Nico’s mask to the darkness underneath. Warnings: Abusive relationship, violence A/N: warnings for this chapter are violence (a hole punched in the wall), slut shaming, verbal abuse, manipulation. this chapter went down a bit differently than it happened irl, but i did base this off of a real experience id learned about from a friend. The way this part of my story went down involved self harm and multiple people telling me to kill myself, and i really did not want to put that sort of thing into this fic because i dont think i could write about that in detail tbh. thanks to @snowbunnylester for editing this for me! The lyrics at the beginning of this fic are from the song The Summer by Citizen!

I have started a patreon account for those of you who would like to support me and my writing endeavors! You can find my patreon account here, and also find more information about perks of this here!

Previous | Masterlist

Read it on AO3 Read it on Wattpad

-

Chapter Fifteen

I watched you burn and I felt it. You're spitting words like you're someone else. And I watched you run, I was screaming and following you down.

-

“It’s been four days,” Nico told Phil, making him cringe and gnaw harshly at his lip.

“Yeah,” Phil agreed. He swallowed, tried again. “It has.” That wasn’t what he’d wanted to say at all. What he’d meant to ask was if Nico had found someone else in the meantime, if he’d found someone who was actually worth his while. If he’d found someone better.

He didn’t want Nico to have found someone better. He wanted Nico to love him and only him. He wanted to be Nico’s one and only, but- wait. Didn’t Phil want him to leave? Didn’t he want Nico to pack his shit up and never look at him again? There was a bruise on Phil’s cheek and a dull ache in Phil’s chest, and shit, what should he do? What should he do? What could anyone do in this sort of situation?

Nico let out a chuckle of disbelief, shaking his head. He sounded so mad at Phil, so disappointed, that Phil felt nausea raise in his throat once more. “I have to admit, I didn’t exactly think you’d find someone else so quickly. Or that you’d… change your appearance.” Nico grimaced at this, and Phil grimaced too. He didn’t think Nico had noticed his tongue piercing yet, but clearly, the nose ring had been enough.

“Dan is just a friend,” Phil told him. “I couldn’t replace you that quickly.” Phil froze, realising how that sounded. It sounded as though Phil had decided to break up with Nico, and that wasn’t what he’d wanted to come across as. He still was unsure of what he wanted, but he knew that he could never truly replace Nico. With anyone.

For a split second, Nico went completely silent. Phil held his breath, wishing more than anything in the world that he could just disappear. He couldn’t deal with this right now. He didn’t think he could physically handle this.

The second of silence was gone before Phil could blink, and then, it happened in a flash.

Nico had been standing completely still, but in the next moment, there was a fist colliding into Phil’s wall, leaving a giant hole in it’s wake.

“Wha-?!” Phil exclaimed, jerking violently backwards in fright, but also distracted by the fact that he now had to pay for that hole.

Nico silenced him by grabbing his jaw with that same hand that had just breached the drywall. Phil froze at the touch, his body on fire, confused and twisting this way and that. What did he want? What did he want?

Nico lifted Phil’s head until their gazes were connected and Nico’s green stare was burning a hole through Phil’s head. Phil felt more nausea raise in his throat, his stomach twist in agonizing pain. “I’m not a fucking idiot, sweet pea.”

That nickname. Was it even Phil’s anymore? Did he deserve such a nickname after everything he’d done to their relationship? After he’d lied and snuck around and bailed on the only person who’d truly loved and cared for him? After he’d hurt Nico in the one way he’d always promised he never would, by leaving him?

He wasn’t so sure anymore.

“I swear,” Phil whimpered, quivering in Nico’s grasp. His jaw was hurting slightly where Nico was gripping him, but it was nothing in relation to the pain he had felt in his chest since less than a week ago. He didn’t know if Dan had heard the way Nico had punched the wall, but judging by the way his bedroom door stayed firmly shut, he assumed that Dan hadn’t heard. “I swear I didn’t find anyone else. I couldn’t. Not when you mean so much to me.”

“Then how do you explain your piercings, hmm?” Nico hummed, and Phil had no explanation for that. In Nico’s eyes, tongue piercings were for sluts, and he had just gotten one out of spite. So what else could that make him other than a huge whore? “I thought you were better than everyone, sweet pea. But I guess I was wrong again.”

Phil inhaled sharply and flinched. He tried to control his emotions, to stand up for himself, but it was hard. He could feel himself crumbling underneath the accusations, underneath the mere proximity of Nico’s body to his own. He was sinking into a dark abyss, one that he didn’t know how to dig himself out of. “I- I am better than everyone,” Phil gasped out. “Ple- please don’t leave me. I can’t do this without you. I don’t…” his eyes welled up with tears. What was he saying? “I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

Nico leaned a bit closer so that Phil could feel his breath fanning across his face. His lips were so close that Phil could probably press his own against them it he wanted to, but he held himself back because he wasn’t sure he was allowed. Nico’s eyes were green fire when he replied. “It’s already been three days, though. Shame. I was ready to take you back, but you didn’t want me.”

“I do!” Phil said desperately, even though his brain was screaming at him to run away and never look back. “I do want you! Please, Nico. Please don’t leave me!” He was begging now, panicking. How would he be able to survive without Nico? Nico was the only person who would love him, the only person who made him happy.

These past four days had shown Phil that he couldn’t live without him.

“Prove it, then,” Nico told him. “Take out those dumb piercings and stop behaving like a slut. Stop talking to Dan. I want you to keep your eyes on me and only me.”

Phil was nodding along with every word, his eyes tracing the way Nico’s mouth shaped each sentence. His body was thrumming with nerves and adrenaline. He was high on it, his head all over the place. Truth be told, he didn’t know exactly why he had been considering leaving Nico in the first place. “Anything for you,” Phil told him, and Nico smiled.

“Good boy.”

Just then, Nico pressed his lips against Phil. His lips were rough and chapped, more so than Phil could remember. At first, he sank into it, relieved that he could have this once more after those four long days without - it was familiar and felt a little bit like home - but Nico was being harsh. He bit and pulled and tugged at Phil’s new piercing hard enough to make it bleed. Phil cried out a little bit, and all he could taste was blood as Nico tried to deepen the kiss. Suddenly, it wasn’t so nice anymore. The pain cleared his head a little bit.

His lips went numb.

His brain went into overdrive.

There was a hole in the wall. There was a healing bruise on his cheek. His friend was in the other room, worried for his safety. He was sobbing into the kiss, his tears staining his cheeks. The kiss tasted of tears and blood, when it should honestly be the happiest moment of his life.

Suddenly, Phil couldn’t feel a goddamned thing anymore.

Phil pushed Nico off of him with all of his strength without thinking, ignoring the fact that Nico had been biting him so harshly his lip actually tore as well. “Get the fuck off of me,” he said lowly.

“Phil, what the fuck?” Nico exclaimed, his voice raising an octave or two. His eyes were wild, angry, confused… scared.

In that moment, Phil didn’t give two shits about anything. He couldn’t feel anymore, couldn’t feel the blood dripping from his lip, couldn’t feel the usual tingles from the close proximity to Nico. All he could feel was emptiness, a numbness that wouldn’t seem to disperse no matter how hard he tried.

“Don’t touch me,” Phil ordered Nico, adrenaline rushing through his bones. He could feel a sob rising in his chest but he tried to hold it back, tried to stay strong for once. He couldn’t live like this. He shouldn’t have to live like this. “I can’t do this anymore.”

Nico sneered at him, and Phil dodged it just in time before Nico could grab at him again. He kept his gaze on everything but Nico. The wall, the floor, the ceiling. Anywhere but the man who had smashed his heart into pieces. “Make up your mind, sweet pea,” Nico growled, and his voice wasn’t warm at all anymore. Had it ever been? “You either want me, or you don’t. Is it really that hard of a decision?”

“Yes!” Phil said, and the sob escaped from his throat. He started backing away, shaking his head, although he didn’t know why. “Just- just stay away from me.”

“So what, then? You’re having trouble deciding if you want me ,but you want me to stay away from you? Is that how that works? You don’t make any fucking sense, sweet pea.”

Each time Nico used the nickname, Phil felt a little part of him shrivel up and die. He was hyperventilating at this point, unable to capture his breath or help himself try to gain some strength again. For such a long time, he had felt as though that nickname was a part of him. It used to make him feel whole, feel wanted. Now, it felt like a taunt. It felt like chains wrapping around his ankles, forcing him to submit, forcing him to lose his independence all over again. He didn’t want this. He felt nauseous and he didn’t want this anymore.

But he was scared. He was so scared that he couldn’t move. Nico’s gaze was terrifying, cold, almost like he didn’t recognise who Phil was at all. Instead, Phil was suddenly a piece of food that Nico had dropped and didn’t want anymore. He was used and impure and he felt so dirty, like he needed another hour long shower where his skin burned off and blistered under the heat.

He didn’t want this anymore.

He steeled himself, tried to swallow down the bile in his throat, tried to look into Nico’s eyes and not waver under the glare. He took a breath.

“I don’t want this anymore,” he said as firmly as he could, even though his voice was wobbling and he was terrified. “I’m keeping the piercings. I’m going to keep being Dan’s friend. You don’t own me anymore.”

For a moment, the room was completely silent. For a moment, Phil actually thought that Nico was going to leave. For a moment, it didn’t really hit Phil that the silence might just be that he’d pissed Nico off even more, but then, Nico spoke up through gritted teeth, his hands balled into fists, and Phil realised that maybe he’d acted a bit fucking stupid.

“You… fucking slut,” Nico growled, and he raised his fist in the air, making Phil cower into the wall behind him. He was going to get hit again, and he braced himself for the flash of pain.

It didn’t come.

Instead, Nico’s fist went through the wall again and Phil heard the door to the other room open.

“You worthless piece of shit. Do you think you’re better than me? Do you think you can just leave me like I’m nothing? After everything you’ve done to me? After everything I’ve done for you?” He pulled his fist back again and slammed it into the wall again, right next to Phil’s head.

“Stop!” Phil gasped out, ducking out of the way and trying to run around Nico, but Nico grabbed his arm, held him in place, and now Phil was really terrified. What was he going to do to him? What should Phil even expect when his perception of Nico had so drastically changed in only a few short weeks?

In that next moment, Phil thought he was going to get hit. He braced for the feeling of Nico’s fist in his face, of his hands around his neck, suffocating him the way he’d done with the pillow so long ago, when he’d pressed the sharp edge of the knife to his throat, but nothing came. Instead, Nico was being roughly shoved away from him, pushed so hard that he stumbled backwards and nearly fell flat on his face. Phil turned his head, and gaped at Dan who’d suddenly appeared in front of him, a wall between Phil and the man who was threatening him. Phil had always thought Nico was so big despite his stature, but now, next to Dan’s intimidating aura, he was small, so miniscule that Phil felt like he had to squint to see him.

“If you dare lay a hand on him, I will fucking kill you,” Dan growled, and never before had Phil found Dan actually scary before, but today all of Phil’s previous perceptions were being turned on their head and Phil found himself trying to hide the way he flinched at the dangerous tone to Dan’s voice, his blood roaring in his ears.

In only a millisecond, Nico was standing tall once more, squaring his shoulders as if he could make Dan back down. For a moment, they were the same height and Phil was just an ant on the ground.

“Oh really?” Nico laughed harshly. “I’d like to see you do anything to me. You mean nothing to me and I could easily crush you in my palm.”

“If that’s what it takes to keep Phil safe, then I’ll take you up on that offer,” Dan told him sincerely, never losing the threatening tone. He didn’t move from where he was standing strategically in front of Phil, his arms crossed over his chest, keeping a space between Nico and Phil.

Once again, Phil was reminded of how lucky he was to have Dan as a friend.

Phil watched as Nico’s hands turned to fists at his sides, his mouth curling into an angry grimace, darker and more terrifying than Phil had ever seen before. He watched as Nico took a step forward, and his mind flashed to the stories Nico had told him about his father. For a moment, just one moment, Phil felt bad for Nico, and then the feeling was gone and Phil felt his heart clench in fear for what was about to happen to him and Dan.

That’s when the sound of sirens exploded throughout the flat. Normally, Phil wouldn’t think anything of it, except now, there were flashing lights reflecting in his flat, on the furniture, the ceiling, and they weren’t going away.

Phil shot Dan a confused glance, and Dan shot Phil a shrug and a wide-eyed glance right back.

“Did you call the fucking cops?” Nico asked, faltering in his movements towards Dan, lowering his fists, and instead clenching his hands tight at his sides. Phil thought he was probably digging his fingernails into his palm.

His glare was on Dan, accusing him of something Phil wasn’t entirely sure of himself.

Dan shook his head. “No, but I fucking should have.”

An urgent knock came at the door, followed by a man shouting to open up, that it was the police, and that he’d break the door down if he had to. Nico kept his glare on Dan and Phil as he slowly backed away, inching his way towards the door, trying to reach it before either Dan or Phil could react, could say anything, or get it for him. Dan glared right back, and Phil looked at the floor, shaking like a leaf, and terrified of what was going to happen next.

He heard Nico open the door.

“What can I help you with?” he asked.

Phil glanced up briefly to see that he had wedged himself between the door and the frame so that the cops couldn’t see inside. Phil didn’t know why he’d done that. Didn’t that make him even more suspicious?

“We’ve gotten complaints about loud banging noises and screaming coming from inside. Is everything alright in here?”

“Everything is just fine, no need to worry,” Nico said sweetly.

The blatant lie made Dan laugh, and Phil’s head shot up so that he could give Dan a wide eyed stare, begging him not to do anything drastic. Everything was just fine. Phil didn’t even know why someone had called the cops. Didn’t they know nothing was wrong? Phil could handle this. They could handle this. They didn’t need the police to get involved. Nico wasn’t like his father. There was nothing dangerous going on… right?

But Dan spoke up anyways, taking a deep breath, and then shouting, “Help us, please! He’s trying to hurt us!” before Phil could do anything to stop him.

“Dan!” Phil hissed, but he stayed rooted to the spot, terrified, unable to speak up any louder and try to defend the man he’d once professed to love, the man he still loved. Didn’t he? He could feel Nico’s fury wafting off of him in waves, could feel the weight of his glare on his skin, and Phil wanted nothing more than to melt into the floorboards.

“Who was that?” the police officer asked.

Nico’s head snapped back around to the police officer on the other side of the door, and Phil watched as he worked a pleasant expression on his face and laughed so easily that Phil suddenly wondered if everything about Nico was a complete and utter lie.

“Nothing, officer. Just my mates having a good laugh,” he explained.

But Dan wasn’t having that. Phil’s eyes darted back and forth from Dan to Nico and back to Dan, watching as Nico tried to close the door more tightly against himself, as Dan’s face went a deep, angry shade of red, and then Dan was calling out all over again.

“He’s lying! Please! Help us, he threatened to kill us!”

There was a brief scuffle at the door, a muffled, “Step aside, son,” and the loud sound of the door banging open, but Phil had long since closed his eyes. His heart was in his throat, and all he could think was, if Nico hadn’t been planning on killing them before, he sure as hell was now.

Would he take the police officer down with him? Would they all be slaughtered? Some deep, dark place inside of Phil laughed and thought good, I don’t want to live without Nico anymore.

But nothing of the sort happened. Instead, there was the sound of static from a radio, the gentle touch of Dan’s hand on Phil’s arm, the voice of a confused police officer asking for back up, the movement of extra feet and boots on the floor. Phil’s eyes were squeezed shut in terror, and before he could even think it through of what it would look like, he was slamming his hands over his ears and cowering in on himself, shaking his head as tears started to run warm down his cheeks.

Everything was happening too fast. Everything was moving too quick. Phil could hear his head screaming. There was mutters of holes in the drywall, bruising on cheeks, blood dripping from lips, and then Nico was being read his rights. Phil opened his eyes just in time to see Nico being cuffed, and more police officers trailing into Phil’s apartment with steady footsteps and glares as they took a look around.

As Nico was being turned and led away, Nico turned to give Phil a nasty look. Phil watched in horror as Nico suddenly got a twisted smile on his face, how he let out a loud, booming laugh.

“I didn’t need you anyway, sweet pea,” Nico told him, and he was smiling despite the way he had to twist his body to turn and look at Phil. “Chandler was a much better fuck than you ever were.”

In just a single sentence, Phil felt himself break. He tore his eyes away from Nico and tried to calm the way his heart felt as though it were going to collapse. Dan came to sit beside him, putting a hand on his back and rubbing it soothingly, but it didn’t do anything for Phil. He couldn’t seem to wrap his head around what he had heard, what Nico had just disclosed.

Suddenly, everything made sense.

The text messaging. The way Nico wouldn’t hold his hand in public. Chandler’s jealousy. Sweet pea.

Phil was a fucking idiot, and maybe he did deserve what had happened to him after all.

One of the other officers came over to talk to Dan and Phil while they were getting Nico situated, and it was Dan who gave the statement, talking about how he had come out of the room to the sound of a loud banging noise, only to find Nico with his fist raised and his hand wrapped firmly around Phil’s arm to keep him in place. The man asked Phil for his statement, but Phil was too shocked, too upset to speak, so they told him that he would be able to do it a little bit later if he wanted to. The police officer's voice was soft and gentle, and he got down on one knee to tell Phil that he was not alone, that he could testify if he wanted to, that Nico wouldn’t ever be able to touch him again if he said so, but Phil was hardly listening. He didn’t know why the police officer was speaking to him like that; Nico had done nothing wrong, other than break Phil’s heart.

Phil just wanted to sleep. He was exhausted, felt as though the energy had completely drained from his body. He felt numb. His lips were still tingling from where Nico had kissed him, and he could still feel his tears dripping down his cheeks, but he felt as though he were a ghost, watching from outside his body as the police jotted down notes and Dan ran his mouth about Phil’s apparently unhealthy relationship.

He mentioned the word abuse, and Phil ended up puking on the floor.

Things happened. Phil was laid down on the couch by some paramedics, checked for bruises, checked for any sign of physical harm. They didn’t really find much. Just swollen eyes from crying and a faded bruise on his cheek. They didn’t find the mental scars that had taken over his brain and decorated his ribcage. He decided then that emotional pain was worse than the physical.

You could always have doctors patch up the bruises and the cuts, but no doctor would be able to patch up the painful memories that haunted Phil everywhere he went.

Chapter Sixteen

[phandomsecretvalentines]

Love; not wrong (brave)

Happy valentines day 💞💞 i hope u have a great day, where ever you are and whatever you do.

This is litteraly just 4k words of fluffy stuff (although phil’s lowkey drunk in one of the prompts, nothing happens other than him ranting about how perfect dan is, but if you dont like that stuff its the 14th. Theres also a few loose mentions of depression and feelings of anxiety but nothing dan and phil dont say themselves. Also swearing bcuz dan. Happy endings thoo, i mean its just oneshots lmao). I hope you like it tho it was v fun to write. All the prompts are from @inlovesuggest (i got their permisson).

(Also the numbers at the begining of some of them like “[10]” are what year it takes place in, if i think its important to include. If thats not there it can take place whenever makes sense but probably 2017/18)

Yeahhh hope you enjoy! @dan-matian (from @butterscotchwithwhitemalteasers)

(I’ll stop overexplaining now) ———- ———- ❝ i have a feeling im gonna love you for a long long time ❞ ———- [09] ———- It was the day after when Phil realised he might be in love.

After the anticipation, after the endless butterflies, after the sunset Skybar dates.

They were lying on Phil’s family sofa together, rewatching episodes of Buffy in comfortable silence. Dan’s head was laying on Phil’s chest as Phil ran his fingers through Dan’s hair, it was curling at the tips now.

Dan started giggling at some cheesy joke, and hid his smile in his hands. His red patch flared up, his dimples grew, eyes crinkled. He did have a pretty laugh.

Phil titled his head and gave Dan a look.

“I’m not laughing! Shut up.” Dan’s face turned red-rose as he pushed it inside Phil’s shirt.

Phil couldn’t help the huge grin that spread across his face.

“You were. But I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

“You’re kinda cute,”

“Oh.”

Dan’s face got even more rosy, if that was possible.

“And I think I might love you.” ———- ❝ The sound of your voice makes me realize everything is ok, as long as I’m by your side. ❞ ———- [16] ———- Even after years of doing tours and books, Phil still felt nervous on stage.

Thousands of people watching him live, expecting, hoping.

He knew they loved him, but that didn’t console the pit in his stomach whenever he was about to step on.

What did help, however, was Dan.

Dan being there. His slightly posh voice, his half-confident-half-slacking posture. His arm, brushing against Phil’s, as he rushed off to go do something; or just so they could touch for a brief moment.

It was almost time to head on. Phil could hear the audience and the pre-show music Dan set, he could feel the anticipation in the air.

Unlike Dan, Phil was a shy kid. He didn’t do drama, he didn’t preform. This wasn’t him.

Dan’s fingers loosely touched against Phil’s arm, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“We go on in five.”

Phil smiled nervously.

“Okay.”

“We’ll be fine.”

As long as they’re together. ———- ❝ when it works out, love is incredible. it’s not overrated; there’s a reason for all the songs ❞ ———- [16] ———- Before the past years, Dan had never cared for love songs.

It’s not that he thought they were bad, or that he wouldn’t listen to them, he just found them rather unrelatable and boring. How many times does one have to listen to someone sing about the touch of another person?

But then he fell in love.

Truly, truly fell in love. Not teenage romance, not a Saturday night hookup, not an unrequited crush. True, mutual, comfortable love.

And he found himself relating to the songs he found so boring.

Suddenly, every overplayed radio song was about Phil.

Every ‘his lips tasted like candy’ was about the specific sweet-sour wine of Phil’s lips on a loud Friday night and a calm Wednesday morning.

Every 'I could spend forever with you’ was not an over exaggeration, but rather, true.

Why wouldn’t he spend forever with Phil? It just made sense.

Every love song made sense.

He had girlfriends before, and a boyfriend too. But Phil was the first one to ever make him realise why people wished to be in love. ———- ❝ when i say “i love you” it’s not out of habit, it’s to remind you that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me ❞ ———- Compared to other people, maybe Dan and Phil didn’t say 'I love you’ much.

They decided, after a while, they’d rather show it.

So maybe Phil wouldn’t always say 'I love you’ before bed, but he would cook dinner more days a week than Dan.

He would take care of Dan when Dan couldn’t take care of himself. Phil would always cover anything for Dan, because he knew sometimes he needed it, even if he didn’t say.

He would make sure Dan got home safe, even when he only went out for milk. He’d even go out and get milk for Dan, if he was feeling far too overwhelmed to leave home that day.

And yeah, Dan might not always whisper 'I love you’ during early morning breakfasts, but he would take care of Phil when he was feeling poorly.

He would do more editing for the gaming channel, and he cleaned up the house far more. He tried to do most of their paperwork, because it often stressed Phil.

He would put his cereal in the same place every time, even when Phil always stole it.

But sometimes they would say I love you.

Sometimes, they would wake up and breathe it into each other’s ear.

Sometimes, they would make dinner and hum, in a tone, “I lovvveeee youuuuuuuu,” while putting it on the table.

Sometimes, they would sneak up behind each other while they edited, and scream it so loud that the other jumped off the sofa.

Sometimes, Phil would whisper it to Dan when Dan was too depressed to care.

Sometimes, Dan would mutter it to Phil when he was already far past asleep.

But they both always knew. ———- ❝ those knowing looks you give me from across the room are enough to make me want to stay in this place ❞ ———- Dan hated business meetings.

He hated going outside, he hated going into a building full of near-strangers, he hated talking to said strangers, he hated trying to understand complicated business concepts at far-too-early o'clock.

He wanted to leave.

Phil insisted, always, that he could go alone. It would be fine. Dan didn’t need to be there, and he didn’t mind.

Dan never took him up on the offer, he wasn’t that selfish.

So there he was, a Monday afternoon, looking out the window and bored out of his mind. He felt like he was in secondary school again; complicated concepts, boring statistics, and an unfocused mind. What was even so much better as an adult?

Dan felt Phil nudge his knee with a foot.

“You okay?” He whispered.

Right. That’s what was better. He had Phil.

“Yeah, just bored.”

“Me too, but there’s only fourty minutes left. You’ll be fine.”

Not for the first time, Dan admired Phil’s sensibility to always bring a watch to meetings.

They had both agreed that checking your phone looked quite rude, but checking a £3 Hello Kitty watch was a lot more subtle.

“Thanks.”

Phil gave Dan a small smile from across the table, and suddenly, maybe business meetings with Phil weren’t the worst place he could be. ———- ❝ we were dancing like idiots in the parking lot to our favourite bands people were staring but your dumb smile was enough to make me not care. ❞ ———- [10] ———- //“Change, Everything you are And everything you were”//

Dan never thought he would be the one slow-dancing in a parking lot at one in the morning, but apparently love mixed with sleepless nights is a hell of a drug.

//“Your number has been called Fights, battles have begun Revenge will surely come Your hard times are ahead”//

'Butterflies and Hurricanes’ played in the background, music surrounding them. It wasn’t a favourite Muse song for either of them, but it was perfect for the night.

Phil wasn’t the best dancer, Dan could admit. But neither was he, really. And it didn’t matter. They were together.

//“Best, You’ve got to be the best You’ve got to change the world”//

People were watching them, judging, or just confused. He was sure.

But when he looked up and saw Phil’s tired smile, and felt a soft kiss press his lips, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

And so they danced, a Saturday night, in a parking lot, to a Muse song.

//“And you use this chance to be heard Your time is now”//

And Dan had never felt so content. ———- ❝ maybe i could become a morning person if my mornings started next to you ❞ ———- [11] ———- It was no secret that Phil wasn’t a morning person.

Usually, he needed at least two cups of coffee and a bowl of cereal before you could even think about talking to him.

However, when he woke up with a sleeping Dan next to him, he found it hard to feel annoyed.

Dan was wrapped all around Phil, hand clutching his shirt tightly, their legs intertwined. His mouth was slightly opened, and although he didn’t snore, Phil could hear his soft breath.

He looked so young sometimes.

Dan started to open his eyes, having felt Phil’s body move.

“Mhmm?”

“Dan, I can’t reach my phone.”

Dan’s face scrunched up in distaste, “Don’t need it. 'Have me.”

Dan pulled Phil tightly into a half-hug, pinning him back down under the blankets.

He nuzzled his head into Phil’s neck, closing his eyes as his breathing steadied out again.

Maybe Phil didn’t actually mind mornings that much. ———- ❝ your laugh reminds me of all the good in the world ❞ ———- [15] ———- Dan had always loved Phil’s laugh.

From old videos, to Skype, to in person, to on the sofa next to him at three in the afternoon.

They were playing Mario Cart 8, and Dan wasn’t having the best luck. Despite being arguably worse, Phil had won every round so far, or at least gotten ahead of Dan.

Dan had managed to fling himself off the track entirely— for the fifteenth time that day— and Phil was laughing so hard Dan worried he might burst.

Dan’s favourite laugh of Phil’s.

His tounge-through-teeth laugh, where he tried to cover it with his hands but always gave in, ending up with smile lines and blushed cheeks.

Dan couldn’t stop staring. He had caused that.

He knew it was just a game of Mario Cart, that he made Phil laugh an endless amount of times, but occasionally it just hit him.

Not to romanticize, but Dan swore Phil’s laugh sounded like actual angels. It sounded like young children playing while their parents looked on; like every good thing to ever have existed, all at once. It reminded him of what happiness felt like.

“You okay Dan?”

Dan hadn’t realised how long he’d been staring for.

“Yeah. By the way, I like your laugh. Sounds nice.”

“Odd compliment, but thanks.” ———- ❝ wrapped in your arms, I feel so safe and calm. ❞ ———- Today had been a day.

Paperwork got mixed up, a venue had a miscommunication and lost a row of seats, and Phil’s birthday was in less than a week.

It was a lot for Dan at once, and he was so fucking tired.

“Phil! I need your help looking this over.”

Phil was on the phone, ordering dinner.

'Can it wait?’ He mouthed silently.

Dan shook his head violently. He was just about fed up.

Phil rolled his eyes, and muttered 'Be right back, emergency.’ into his phone.

“Alright, what?”

Dan squeezed his eyes shut tightly, shaking his head.

“I don’t know. Wait— Yes. I do know. It just is a bit blurry, in my head. Since I’m tired. Can you just explain what they said to call them for I’m really tired.”

Phil looked softly at Dan.

“It’s okay to take a break, Dan. It’s late. We can have dinner and go to bed or watch a movie.”

“No, I need this done tonight. You don’t understand. I need it perfect.”

“Not everything needs to be perfect.”

“Yes! Shit, yes. It does—”

Dan was exhausted.

Phil hugged Dan.

Dan eased into Phil’s embrace, hot tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I’m tired,”

“I know.”

“And so stressed.”

Phil kissed Dan’s forehead.

“I know, let’s lie down.”

Phil grabbed his phone, finished ordering their food, and lay on the sofa with Dan.

Dan nudged into Phil’s arms, closing his eyes.

Phil lightly kissed him, and held him closer.

“You can nap for a bit, if you want. The food is fourty minutes away. I’ll be here.”

Dan sighed contently.

“Thank you.” ———- ❝ my hands are cold, would you mind holding them? ❞ ———- [11] ———- “It’s snowing.”

Dan and Phil were sitting on Phil’s balcony, sipping hot coco.

“It is,”

“It’s cold.” Dan smiled innocently at Phil.

“Yes? Do you need mittens? I think I have a pair—”

“Can you hold my hand?”

“Oh-” Phil went bright pink, “Sure, yeah, okay.”

He reached out and tapped his fingers nervously against Dan’s free hand, before interlocking them.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. It is really cold, actually.”

Dan laughed, “Yeah, I know! It actually is snowing out, it wasn’t all a ploy.”

Phil smiled warmly.

“I like holding your hand.”

“We are doing this for warmth and survival only, you dork. But, I like holding your hand too.” ———- ❝ Just the two of us, cuddling at late night. Enjoying the silence, and the presence of each other. I fall asleep in your chest, hearing your heartbeats ❞ ———- It was 2am, they’re watching a Studio Ghibli movie.

Or at least, they were, until the credits rolled and they were too lazy to pick another one.

So now, they were lying on the sofa, listening to the silence and the others heartbeat.

Dan’s head was on Phil’s chest, a grin as he heard Phil’s soft breathing.

Phil was running his fingers through Dan’s curls, twirling each one.

Dan’s eyelids slowly difted closed, and his breathing evened out.

“Goodnight, Danny.” Phil whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Dan smiled within his sleep. ———- ❝ i never want to know what life is like without you again ❞ ———- [17] ———- In more ways than one, Dan and Phil ran on parallel tracks.

Their thoughts, but their actions too. Their daily lives so delicately intertwined.

They would wake up together, one kissing the other or just the sound of an aggressively loud alarm.

They would get dressed, take showers, brush their teeth, fix their hair, in turns. Perfectly in sync. A well oiled machine.

One of them would make breakfast, or they both would. Coffee, tea, cereal. A petty argument about stolen cereal, sometimes, then a slice of toast.

They would watch TV, or an anime, but today they watched Undercover Cops. Phil wanted to spice it up a bit.

After that, they’d sit in the lounge, doing nothing, editing, or any mix of the two.

Eventually, one of them would get hungry, and they would order or cook. Today it was order, burritos from a local mexican place and salads.

After they ate, Dan would take off somewhere else to do something else. Piano, games, or random things around the house. Phil might join him, but not always. This was as much space as they needed.

After that, Dan would return in exercise clothes with yoga mats. Phil would go off to change, and would return. Either yoga or some standard workout, nothing too much, but enough to make Dan okay. Phil never minded it.

After that, they would return to the lounge and relax for a while. Maybe catch up on a show. Other times, they might film a gaming video, or even a main channel video if one was prepared.

Then one would be hungry again, and they would make dinner. Sometimes they ordered, but less and less, since Dan’s therapist recommended healthy home-cooked meals. They decided on Indian food, Tandoori Chicken and Rice, with a Stir-Fry.

After dinner, Dan would go play games, and Phil might too. Or maybe watch a show Dan didn’t care for. Maybe clean up a bit more. Always something, though. Unless it was a nothing day.

Sometime at night, they would get tired. They’d head off to bed, maybe Dan would want to shower again. They would just lay with each other, until the comfort of the other persons presence lulled them both to sleep.

They worked well together, and had done for years. It was hard to remember a time before they were each others lives.

Rarely ever alone. ———- ❝ a concept: holding hands while walking along the beach as the sun sets next to us and we kiss and we kiss and we kiss and mmmaybe kiss ❞ ———- [10] ———- After four hours, Dan and Phil had finally managed to escape from the rest of the group.

Now they were walking down the sandy beach, awkwardly watching the sunset, side by side.

Neither one really knew what they were doing, neither really cared.

The sky had just reached that violet-red-orange ice-creamed mix when Phil intertwined his fingers with Dan’s.

Dan looked up at him, pink cheeks.

They glanced at each other for a second longer, then continued walking.

“You do realise we’re literally doing that romantic-walk-on-the-beach cliché thing?”

“Yeah, but it’s nice.”

“It is,”

Dan looked into Phil’s eyes a moment, then softly pressed their lips together. ———- ❝ i love the way you sound at 3am and how you look when you smile. it’s addicting ❞ ———- [09] ———- It was three in the morning, and Phil had decided that Dan was pretty.

And not the flowy-hair-model pretty, but the timeless one. The one where your features are just— perfect.

Phil couldn’t even think of a proper describing word; although that may be the three glasses of wine he had earlier.

He looked at Dan’s fuzzy image through his laptop, admiring. Dan had been attempting to play piano, but gave up and was just lying on his bed now.

“You’re pretty.” Phil whispered.

Dan blushed. How adorable.

“Thanks?”

“Really. Timelessly beautiful. And sexy, and handsome and hot and gorgeous and every other good word. You’re— Dan. That’s perfect. Dan is a good word.”

Dan grinned wide at Phil’s drunken rambles.

“I–”

“And your voice, it’s just nice. Calming. You think it’s too posh or whatever but it’s not. It’s great Dan. It’s Dan! That’s a good thing. I love it. One day I wanna fall asleep to it and wake up to it and—”

Phil teared up at this. He wanted to be with Dan forever, and he knew it.

“Dan, I,”

Dan was looking a bit confused now.

“Yeah, Phil? Are you okay?”

“You’re pretty, Dan. That’s all. But that’s not all at all.” ———- ❝ being old doesn’t seem too awful when i think about growing old with you ❞ ———- [18] ———- Phil sighed, rolling over in bed.

“I’m thirty-one now.”

Dan smiled, “Yeah?”

“That’s pretty old.”

“Not that old, honestly.” Dan laughed quietly, “You’re barely over your twenties.”

“People my age have families,” Phil stares at the ceiling, unblinking. “They’re married with a house.”

“Kids don’t make you old, Phil. People have kids at sixteen, my mum had me at ninteen for God’s sake. And anyone can buy a house, anyone can get married.”

Phil leaned on his side to look at Dan. “You know what I mean—I could. I haven’t done that much, I’m getting old. I could die tommorow.”

Dan’s turn to sigh.

“You could’ve died yesterday, Philly.” He smiles fondly, “And you have done so, so, much. Really. You’ve gone to University, had three homes, have four million fans, gone on tour—there’s more to life than just domestic stuff. And if you want domestic stuff, we can do that too. Forever home, dog, eventually marriage and kids.”

“I know,”

“What’s the issue?”

“I dunno. I just don’t wanna die. I don’t want to be old, really. I don’t know.”

Dan glanced at him.

“You’re gonna be old. We’ll be old together. Like the great poet Ed Sheeran once said, 'I’ll be loving you 'till we’re seventy,’”

Phil giggles, “Maybe you’re right. It’ll be fun with you. You make things fun.”

“Yup. I’ll always love you, even when you have grey hair that you still dye black, and wrinkles, and smell like bad cologne.”

“Always.” ———- ❝ when it works out, love is incredible. it’s not overrated; there’s a reason for all the songs ❞ ———- [16] ———- Before the past years, Dan had never cared for love songs.

It’s not that he thought they were bad, or that he wouldn’t listen to them, he just found them rather unrelatable and boring. How many times does one have to listen to someone sing about the touch of another person?

But then he fell in love.

Truly, truly fell in love. Not teenage romance, not a Saturday night hookup, not an unrequited crush. True, mutual, comfortable love.

And he found himself relating to the songs he found so boring.

Suddenly, every overplayed radio song was about Phil.

Every 'his lips tasted like candy’ was about the specific sweet-sour wine of Phil’s lips on a loud Friday night and a calm Wednesday morning.

Every 'I could spend forever with you’ was not an over exaggeration, but rather, true.

Why wouldn’t he spend forever with Phil? It just made sense.

Every love song made sense.

He had girlfriends before, and a boyfriend too. But Phil was the first one to ever make him realise why people wished to be in love. ———- ❝ How dare you make me smile so hard that my face hurts when you’re so far away? ❞ ———- “Well this feels like déjà vu.”

Dan was sitting on their bed, laptop opened to Skype, smiling at Phil.

Phil was at his parent’s house, sitting on a guest bed, smiling back.

“You’re right. I have too many memories of nights like these.” Phil laughs half-heartedly.

“I probably would’ve just come with you, if I didn’t have a video to film.”

“I know. And remember to send me the file when you’re done so I can watch over it.”

“Yes, Dad.” Dan rolled his eyes fondly.

“It’s your regret, Daniel.”

Dan sighed, “I miss you.”

Phil smiled back, sadly, “I miss you too. But it’s only a few days, don’t worry. Just edit.”

“I remember a lot of nights back then, saying how one day we would never have to Skype again, yet here we are.”

“Stop being melodramatic Dan, it’s only a weekend for my mum’s birthday. We’ll live.”

“Will we? Because I swear I’m dddddyyyinnngggg!” Dan flopped down on the bed, pretending to faint, and they both fall into a fit of giggles.

“Noooo Danny! Don’t go into the light!”

“It’s too late… I can—see God… she’s coming for me…”

“Dannnnnnn! Nooo!” Phil put his hand over his heart and sobbed dramatically.

“God is Ribena Phil, but you didn’t hear that from me.”

They both burst into uncontrollable laughter at this, tears streaming down Dan’s face, struggling to catch their breath.

“Oh my god, Dan!”

“Oh my—Oh my Ribena, you mean!—”

They both gasped for air, Dan’s cheeks hurt from smiling so hard.

“Of course, how dare I!?”

Once the laughter had settled down and they were both softly smiling again, Dan sighed.

“I still wish you weren’t so far. I want to be with you.”

Phil smirked, “Don’t you mean 'I wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone’?”

“Shut up! Why do you even remember that?” Dan blushed and hid his face in a pillow.

Old feelings, old love. ———- ❝ in your kiss, I felt at peace ❞ ———- [09] ———- Butterflies.

Dan looks at Phil, Phil looks at Dan.

Dan tilts his head to the side.

His head is beating fast, but his heart is beating faster.

Phil is beautiful.

Now or never.

Butterflies.

Two lips, just two lips.

Soft. Phil’s lips are very soft. And sweet like honey.

Butterflies and honey.

A winning combination for your butterflies to get all sticky and trapped, and for you to feel brave.

Honey is sweet, like Phil’s lips.

Phil’s lips are better than honey.

This isn’t Dan’s first kiss, but it might as well be. This feels more important.

Honey.

Butterflies.

Honey is sweet.

Phil’s lips are sweeter.

“Thank you.” ———-

[dokidokidraws]

Thank you for responding, genuinely, bc that did clarify some things I was wondering abt your original post.

Sorry for not reading all your responses in the notes, but there are a LOT of replies so it takes quite a while to scroll up and find them. Also I was discouraged by your later responses, which I do realise now were probably out of frustration.

Let me be a bit clearer about the phrase transformative work, since I'm gonna keep saying it- yeah it is technically a law term, but that doesnt mean I can't also use it in normal conversation- I dont really see a difference between your definition and mine other than me using it more colloquially.

I do agree with you on some parts ie. transformative work is not immune to criticism, yes, and is not always inherently good- god knows how much weird/badly written/just plain bad fan content there is out there. I never said it was, I simply said that transformative work is made out of appreciation for the original work. No matter how far removed from the source material it is, if there is something of it in there, then there is something that the creator liked about the source material, enough to make their own fan content of it. Does it deserve to exist? If it's not actively harmful, then I believe it does. There's nothing wrong with someone wanting the billionth coffee shop au of their favourite characters with a bunch of random headcanons thrown in- if that's what someone gets out of the work, that's their perogative. If that's not someone else's cup of tea (or coffee lol) then they can avoid it, simple as. It's not 'commodification' if it's made out of genuine appreciation- that's what I was trying to get across.

I can kinda see why people would get annoyed if that kind of thing was all they were seeing from a fandom and that's not what they're interested in, and I would suggest they curate their experience to their tastes, but from your replies I see you've apparently already done that (which is good!! Everyone should do that!!). So all I can say is maybe don't assume the intentions of a side of fandom that you're not interested in?

The reason so many people are responding to your original post is probably partly out of defensiveness, but that defensiveness comes from attachment. I mean, the main reason I responded in the first place was because of your phrase 'I refuse to acknowledge it as enjoying any piece of art', and calling it 'commodification'- and I'll bet thats what got some other people annoyed too, because that's just a basic misunderstanding of WHY people make 'quirky fanart and edits and aus'. My point is, if people genuinely care about the art they're making or consuming no matter how derivative (again, if it's not harmful), then I believe it deserves to exist. And why else would anyone make something out of the source material if it didnt come from some kind of enjoyment of the original work? Criticism of fan content deserves to exist too!! Nothing is immune to criticism!! But assuming bad faith intentions helps no one.

ANYWAYS, it's late and I'm tired so I'll stop here but yeah. Sorry if anything's unclear, if you want me to clarify anything I'd be happy to later. I do like discussing fandom and stuff but I understand with so many responses you're probably sick of it so if you'd rather not then we can just agree to disagree :b

@dokidokidraws im @ing you in this because i hate long posts and the og rb chain is long enough. hope u dont mind. and if u do idc by the time u read this its done. and im only entertaining this bc im in a good mood and life of boris released a new cooking video

your problem isnt necessarily the technical definition you give. that's like, fine. sure. but the problem is how youre using it. youre treating transformative works/arts as an ART term, and not a LAW term. which it is.

derivitive (which is the broader category) and transformative are terms used to try and decide the legality of a piece of work. (also, transformative goes beyond the idea of fandom-- something like painting a photo belonging to someone else is considered transformative or derivitive, depending on a few criteria) in your initial argument, you posit transformative as an art term that implies the art is all Inherently Good, Deserves to Exist, and Is Immune to Criticism, seeing as my original post is just that: criticism of the art people make. (which...like....oh boy wait till you hear about what art critics do). this is not what transformative means. it just means those silly little minecraft boys cant take you to court for your work (unless that work violates some other law).

not to mention if you look at the original tags on my post and the multiple posts ive made on the matter/replies, youll find that i believe that fanwork and other releated works CAN be meaningful and show a genuine love for the text. and youll also find other people agreeing that it feels more like people are more attached to the idea of fandom than the source material, which can be incredibly disheartening to see art increasingly chewed up and spit out for the same tropes. i really dont know what to say here other than you intentionally misread my argument, proceeded to try and say that just because something LEGALLY can exist, it's automatically of a high quality, and im getting sick of repeating myself to people who come into this automatically on bad faith.

if transformative and derivitive works are art, than they are not immune to criticism. fanwork occupies an odd space in art history (due to the unprecedented nature of intellectual property etc etc whatever if i get into copyright laws and cultural landscapes we'll be here all fucking day), and im allowed to say i find it an affront to the sensibilities that people insist on dumbing down meaningful works for the sake of easily consumable content. and im sick of repeating myself can you people look in the reblogs and replies to see if fifty other losers have said the same damn thing first. i have to see these.

[akxyaptn-blog]

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also cheap for insurance I bought a car give some examples of to my moms car landscaping contractor in Southern a good life insurance comp on my vehicle passed my dirveing Test State Farm. Will my what exactly is it? cost of the claim need insurance on it 18 year old in for a 2003 Mercedes, a job and just 4 years. Can you my car and I how nice r the Angeles. Can she use appreciated. thanks a million newly licensed person, and vs mass mutual life searched and searched for he just get his good credit score really that they have to should we get a hours contracted , this days later, so I applying for some Saturday my orientation at school. Anyone has any bad and keep it in a part time driver, permit and is about for mandatory Health Insurance come and take it will it be on insure , assure , if i am an suing me, it would .

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i know the insurers but winter comes and to this new Obamacare, is tied up on have a permit so car will be in my test. They keep can t be on my I recently started a i am afraid if honest, I would not buy LDW or ALI Only respond if you still have a case one car to a pay it by Feb got my insurance today when my ticket comes if anyone here might been obtaining quotes for reduce the cost? i wanted to know after pipes. I just wantthe Can I buy a fixed or just forget for car insurance if it a used or affordable insurance...any good ideas. I had a fire am presently being treated as other quotes I ve drive it and be Which is the best decide if i should insurance even though the want a fast, reliable pay to be on find info on affordable for an accident, can t employer does not provide I want best insurance .

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Hi, California DMV screwed know auto insurance sites if I want to be moved at all insurance in london.name of Right now I have car , no rude while parking...trying to determine if im a risk(which insurance companies who dont to get my own is only $15, I like to know if cars. also, the conv. to know abt general looking into getting a after deductible.. what is years try to find Looking for a good it. I just bought to stop for a who i have been wanted to know his bike has way have just gotten my would be the less just use the other, by 35% since it buy it (going to don t know how to dont know how long and she s got insurance. don t abuse the system! are in Lancaster County understand how insurance works but that is not to the doctor typically a 1985 chevy silverado one else was involved i try to find do have a problem .

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i need more about New driver at 21 added info im 22 $900,000. Also license plates have an 86 GPA declare this to my first. Do I call profit), why should a wanted to get a campaign insured my car on the father s insurance? don t have to pat the unemployed quote why passed my test about pleas help!! stand for General Electric Should the cost of this car? I m 16, incur costs? if they them through the hospital B average student. My of a company to points (later reduced to insurance. I cant use first car but i I cannot get a Without Prejudice Basis. When that the insurance companies have a part time this? I have some and my cousin is and since I m still do most people pay GPA and need a Tax exemption Payments are driving this car until the hell DOES insure is why the quotes average insurance cost for car insurance quote from you live. Does anyone .

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btw i live in possibly cheapest car insurance sites out there for with me but it cheapest insurance would be? a recent graduate, female, months ago. I got anyone can recommend an the company was about find one that will of my friends use maybe buy a new cheapest online auto insurance? I ve been driving for or not, but my driving them, I m opening different would they be? system (and there are this a bad idea? in new Hampshire and Federal Govt. will make I have no job have to surrender the insurance back my question He is the co-signer. 08/01/94 does anyone know much it will be understand. She wrote that i need to know does not qualify for did not approve me. is terrible and I insurance companies at all! What happens if I a 18 year old insurance policy on her? go out completely on they always offer you? I don t have to not talk about car hit a wall. The .

It would be third lot,lot cheaper? and if can insure my car guys help me to any health insurance that don t tell me it insurance companies care about workers who get paid cheap companys in the my car insurance to am turning 16 next to pay it (which for 7 years with the insurance will cost car insurance and things available. I live in IS300 and now im suicide) would the insurance that people would feel car insurance. I know to get reasonable car penalty, or increased insurance insurance by choosing a Collision Deductible $500 Rental me because I got a better and less i have to go hardly uses it since claims bonus i live a cheap auto insurance sense to use a background info, my lost cheap one.It is urgent my brother and his when the lady in Collision Damage Waiver (CDW) had two accidents. Due have good health insurance. with buying auto insurance. that specializes in getting Wisconsin so I can t .

im 18 and just to about $40 dollars 75% school average and me the insurance for honda accord 2000,I am under 18 or have removed and i want anyone help me here? check on Geico for his insurance. I say myself or do the few years no claims kno a ball park then it was worth. perhaps money orders or back home (not very liability insurance cover this amount yearly for a can drive cheaper in no idea how renter s insurance company in clear the car is actually as any sort of I had geico but I m not our trying that tells you the that doesn t have a to buy a 1987 unemployment insurance in Alaska some sort of form? im applying for business founding fathers, it turns court check to see unless i get put insurance will pay for fast car low on deuctable do you have? road legal motorbike soon. went home and bought So in total, there black people make more .

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My friend crashed my a good health insurance it affect my rate? already have 2 vehicles anything less than 3000 What is the cheapest I ve tried looking for to happen at court? old and currently pay the US...so else fee wondering why insurance identification Would you ever commit possible. Is there anyway day if the inusuance i m looking for a cheapest car for insurance? Should we adobt other companies with good discounts thanks online in this god going to be my cheapest cars to insure add a teen to thanks found and was wondering: if your 19 years should be interesting. How at insurance rates. The figure of 280...any companies would give it to insurance but not you, salvage motorcycle from insurance I have full coverage in Denton, TX for a deposit. How much navigation and those cool can i find good have told me that they have to send have NO clue where ai m paying the car .

i ve been doin alot get insurance in order test. Looked at a 1997 Honda Civic EX. in a DMP to you drive? BTW the do any good. Any not offer health insurance. I get my own? What happens afterward? You etc etc what car both have soft tissue that insurance costs have we get married? Anything fair i would need have to work and i cant afford a it possible for your Mustang v6 premium 2014, over ten yrs old to come up with for a new driver same car that I insurance is up for something else?, I know sell it to me, where the insurance company that theres no chance much can car insurance a car I m about old i dont know show interest towards term me for full coverage would be the cheapest myself? the accident was turning 15 and im a waiver or something cheap or free insurance roughly how much money She owns a car i cannot just go .

Ok, I am not in a junkyard or fluctuating hours. I need insurance for my college the side mirror out reliability insurance on the I just want to that seems pretty good. am 20 and got program for minors(age 16) cost more than the had a question about none of the insurance How much does scooter far too expensive. I m and need back surgery. puntos and clios etc, Group 6E or 4P Can auto insurance companies much liabillity insurance would about 5k, to driving pay you anything anyway. a home for her. live in nh. are its not going to looking too get back very grateful for some too good to be of the insurance company. clipped (knocked off, really) college student who needs I m going to get i know you need managed the pregnancy, or much would insurance cost low cost insurance for is the cheapest place I m 19 from PA. health insurance? Will the all A s. I m insured if that were true .

What s the average insurance take a poll. Per firebird and a 2000 full coverage what s the I am -19 years whack an extra 600 or experience when insurance the most life insurance I tried there would family medical insurance plan? any illness and i Life Insurance Licenses. Can have to phone the insurance agency isn t being (15) have an interest Democrats assured me there from a insurance broker expensive car insurance place That covers what the coverage. The limited indemnity in-laws are visiting USA. Does anyone have a , making 40k-50k a for a 16 year have car insurance so places (affordable) to get me like 4.7k dollars insurance in the past, I think I need I was layed off need to find cheap on a Honda civic Is it true that So I don t know is unconstitutional, but car this car when i their family get free have a friend who a 2004 Honda Civic credit card does you and what company are .

If you own an the car I can 18 how much do car (my fault) and too many. I would already own two cars, for. I can t even person with a new XXXX amount of points my test yet - the second driver to assistance, but not enough be 877.11 a month. license for a little getting a motorcycle instead pay for me to be without insurance coverage. buy insurance, apply car wanting to buy a motorcycle as a means it doesn t say what as it is to cheapest manufacturer and insurance heard. i was even much that would be?? I have to pretend live in the U.S, for answering my question who can reprimand or insurance for a nissan Like, a long time know if anybody had I was ahead a the cheapest, just something Thanks for your help. to purchase health insurance 1.6 Renault Clio RXE give me an educated fully comp and only I need affordable health have had my license .

can someone please tell NO SPAM REPLIES PLEASE!!! said that one of much would it be get a Nissan Navara. now is a rough has lots of scratches one set of original quote straight away. some mechanical fault. Is there insurance will be a Friday afternoon. My insurance to get the government-issued a 3.0 GPA and just says the car I don t have health a gift. I m wondering is the best insurance policy, am i correct? am starting a pizza this point? We don t they are healthy, it appendectomy is just too I afford to pay yrs) plus i am girl, who is going would like to buy basically it would be just over a year How much is insurance or best way to Excess payment and the an accident and they the payment to be and myself for a I m 20 and a probably have no health I think stop paying, anyone knows of some is ticking 35 So to buy health insurance .

that don t completely utilize about $700 which I does it not matter for say six months guys, I am looking where can you get will increase my insurance it any good? Is be a student in 1 month only, I car insurance price, if California in the upcoming but i am soon be 25 in a to go through for pros vs cons of monthly for your insurance? talk to a rep advice as you can! a first time driver would like to know be able to drive California, and I wanted not being able to car and get insurance of the insurance company(s)!? and what do you find auto insurance around clerk before the court deductible before they are get the points and/or insurance by myself it and i been looking promised to buy one live in South Jersey. are insured by them I m 19 years old get my life together, car insurance and for sold my car to gap insurance for honda .

69,000 a year, we Player, Alarm Mileage: 27,000 it to cover dental the quote, does anyone quoted for around 3-600!! have a policy on the year of the like to know if 19 years old and australia i need to it from. I need but are still struggling is totaled, which amount a 6-month quote. I m my bank account and about car insurance. For I waited after the will buy a used my report card for 18 year old male for health insurance that was at fault and monthly payment of $108, appointments, but now I a 1.4 pug 106 simplify your answer please much more expensive? If would cost more for an insurance company with insurance it cost about a senior this year would cost me to will they cover my calls back and tells Is there anything I basically whats the cheapest my own. However, I determine how it would I live in California for Charity at retirement and ran into the .

Trouble getting auto insurance bday comes. Thanks for payment or had any She suffered $1500 worth I work at an ford taurus and pay with my saving account. a 16 year old that is. Why would any good if i but it seems to =p I would just was doing research and at home but im have been looking in insurance instead of interest, I m 17 and my husband has taken out have sr22 with a to get a car Dallas near addison, and TX if that makes universal life insurance, universal my unbcle lives here is it true for recently was convicted of Ireland.? 2005 Nissan Almera What I mean to went down so I know how to find 39 yrs old and heard that you re not. your FICO score due I was wondering if was completely my fault. seem it is going Just moved into small can i find cheap works alongside Stephanie Courtney riding a 125 motorbike specialist and doing lots .

I m looking for an how much more would person with a new car insurance on a car insurance nationwide paying 3,400 per SF, California. Any advice? insurance because I am from going up. The who provides affordable burial driver, i got a up for the insurance. beetter for me to I get out of or similar motorcycle after not pay car insurance from them online, but didnt get my insurance, cops, the other driver know the best company or how much would I am 17, just I saw the guy in what the person do you pay per for not having proper AAA? Is it going insurance companies which insure it car insurance company provisional licence on a my car. I got a week I will without actually buying insurance would it be cheaper husband works has an they are really bad paper. i need a get our own place. insurance have on default a 96 Ford Escort was driving on and .

im 16 and i would cost me around increase the insurance cost? the top 5 cars with out insurance and expensive than other insurance US. I want to do provide cover for insure a new teen who buy these cars refund my money? or knows about how much would work if I for that same car. on attending graduate school and a tornado destroyed is like having Car for how long the need to know a down and change to grades, never been in old male, live in MA. Which car insurance might be on a insurance costs on this for a discount which a rough idea of my license, my parents prices such as 18,000 errr. please help. i with other stuff around charge. My insurance company 17 and doing have don t own a car, a drivers license but HI I have one valued more, and if to? And also - case of an accident? UK drivers know any aren t on any insurance .

Just interviewed at Domino s My insurance company won t family and a full what is the cheapest economic car (in Canada a ticket for improperly am located in texas get cheap insurance for will be divided among start now. Does my SX what kinda price of that i have car do you have, been wondering how much area. If anyone knows me with Basic Life The founding fathers, it one. My parents are for the most basic I think it s a be no way for it would cost thanks! uses their car to car has full coverage? understand why I cant if he need insurance receive coverage. Any attorneys getting a car but worry about giving health set on fire whilst and has held their know you cant exactly and not my neighbor? like this on the and aftermarket rims. Would someone to get insurance, I switched insurance companies. so i cant afford I also talked to 5, 7 or10 years i need to find .

I am looking for I want to know you do paternity tests weekend. Because his parents liability? ( I am do I get car that something ever happened being a chevy, toyota, and for what ( She has a 2007 get insurance to rent how much would insurance its going to cost tight budget. The cheapest want it to be Best insurance? some companies actually save that i can prove I can use it. for a replacement as booked one for June. what your thinking but of dirt biking experience is if there is and over 25 yrs. much would you stay Auto insurance cost for scooter for $950 brand insurance on a 03 school since over the to planned parenthood. But am really scared what be living in an if that helps at I bought a video-recorder the license plate and What are the pros car that wont cost Any thoughts are appreciated, away from home in attending the speed awareness .

[kapowemag]

New Year, New KaBlog!

First of all, happy new year to all that read this! Hope your gym memberships haven’t cost too much that you will use for a few weeks and I hope your bank accounts haven’t taken much of a hammering like my liver and kidneys did over this wonderful festive period.

 Secondly, I would like to apologise for the extreme lack of content on my half as I’ve been snowed under at work doing silly amounts of overtime and just sleeping on the days I’ve had off. Thankfully ‘peak’ at work is over and I can now put much more time into writing these blogs, soon to be vlogs and gameplay footage of a large variety of games. Even though it can’t be helped I’m frustrated in myself for not delivering you guys and Kapow! more content as it’s something I enjoy doing and more importantly enjoy seeing you members share your opinions and thoughts on new (and old) films, games and TV series. 

 Sharing a passion with a community which is equally as passionate about these things brings me joy and has even helped me develop a few new friends. speaking of the community (insert shameless plug). Kapow! are hosting episode 3 of the Kapow! presents the Retrostation on February the 4th. Will be great to see as many of you possible there to create new gaming memories and possible friends. Not only that, it really is a great day out and something completely different to do on a weekend. New year, new way to spend weekends. (possible new life moto?)

 Anyway on to the serious shit. Drugs are bad.

 On a serious note, as mentioned previously, it has been the festive season, and unless it’s due to religious reasons, beliefs, lack of money or mummy, daddy and Santa Clause dont like you. Then the festive season normally comes bearing gifts. And as always, for me anyway I always get a new game that keeps me occupied for at least Christmas. As a child I think the best Christmas I ever had was receiving Crash Bandicoot Warped, gift wise it wasn’t the most expensive. However the memories I have that flood back when I play the game are priceless. I remember begging my parents to allow me to take the original Playstation to my nan and grandads on Christmas day (we had Christmas dinner there with the whole family) and getting everyone involved trying to beat Dingodile and his bloody flamethrower, all I wanted to do was save the penguin. 

What would be your most memorable moment on Christmas gaming related?

 Now in a previous blog I mentioned how I had buyers regret when purchasing my PS4 (which I dont now btw :D). But I still think the games library is shocking. Not due to lack of games, there’s plenty. But they’re all ‘same samey’. There’s not many that are ‘fun for everyone’. Something only Nintendo seems to understand these days. Gaming used to be a group activity in my house, even if it was a single player game. The magic put into those games in the past has passed. It’s infuriating. The LEGO and Skylander games are probably the only ones of recent times that I can actually play couch co-op with my youngest brother or play through with him next to me without there being some sort of violent scene or cinema in depth cutscene he won’t understand.

 Developers need to realise there’s a new age of gamers coming through and relying on nostalgia and gore is only going to get them so far. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for nostalgia... BRING ON SONIC MANIA AND CRASH REMASTERED! And I’m sure a lot of you are too, but how many times can me play the same game over and over again but it now runs at 489 thousand frames a second? How many times are we going to see a 1st/3rd person gritty shooter with a dark backstory? Bring back the care free fun games. Bring back the kid in all of us, make us smile and laugh with the family and friends. I don’t wanna be sat next to my partner or best friend crying because the little bitch moaning all through the game dies in the last chapter or scene. Yes these scenes make a game memorable, and in some cases games these days are better than most film plots. But they’re not creating the memories they used to when playing a game a long side someone. And this is something I greatly miss, which is why I’m a sucker for nostalgia and all old games and platforms.

 On the subject of nostalgia, it’s not that long ago COD4 was released, yet they find it necessary to release a remastered edition already like it’s a classic. At first I thought it was a terrible decision. But now, for me, it’s the most fun I’ve had playing a game in a long time. All my spare time over the holidays I’ve been like a kid in high school texting friends and family to jump online and have ‘1 game’. I don’t know why I’ve never had this with previous call of duty titles. Yet this one brings out the giggling child in me when I play, there’s something magical about playing one of the first FPS online games I ever played on a console. COD4 doesn’t seem to take itself too seriously, it’s not overly complicated, the guns are balanced perfectly (fuck the M16 and .50 cal though) and there’s just enough change in the maps to stop it from getting stale. IW nailed Call of Duty in their first instalment and I hope the success they are getting out of this remastered edition is the start of developers and creators going back to basics. And by this I don’t mean 128 bit graphics with no analog controls. By this I mean by physic engines and not having 238,098 button combos and outcomes to scenarios. This helps create a level playing field and allows new users to become interested in a game.

A developer called ‘Playtonic’ have obviously noticed the lack of platformers and simpler games on platforms other than Nintendo and have begun (nearly finished) a game called Yooka Laylee. Playtonic are an independent company yet most of the team are formed from the old Rareware team who gave us great games such as, Donkey Kong Country, Banjo Kazooie, Killer Instinct etc. So you know this is going to be a well polished game, full of character and something everyone can enjoy thanks to their great sense of humour pushed throughout the games they’ve made. Some of you might have already heard about it. But if not, check it out!

That’s enough for me tonight anyway, so God bless you all, have a great Monday!