#my brain is so scattered idk if this makes sense but i hope most of it does

[beomiracles]

congrats to 500 !! you deserve even more <3 I love pretty princess sm and now my brain is overridden with royalty and txt prince au so I'm sorry to request for your 500 event but I must you write too well. 😭💕 so imagine prince! beomgyu this time and whilst he's so incredibly handsome and the whole kingdom fawns over him, he's also the most mischievous troublesome prince ever so the king (his father), fed up, decides to marry him off and arrange a marriage to reader since he's so reckless and reader is the complete opposite and since she's also a princess and both their families are close and have a good relationship. Back when they were younger, their families would always meet at each other's palaces a lot because they're close but reader and beomgyu would never really get along, especially reader she's always hate beomgyu's guts bc of how reckless and annoying he is to her and reader is really uptight. So they haven't seen each other since they were kids until the arranged marriage and can't say neither of them are too happy about it...+ smut if it somehow works 😭 Idk if that makes any sense but I love you and your work and happy 500 !!

500 BASH SPECIAL

#serene adds ✎... my dear pretty princess you will always be famous. *melancholic sigh* oh but this idea was sm fun! though I might have lost the plot a little along the way oopsies..! HOWEVER I still think it turned out good so I hope it doesn't disappoint ε(´｡•᎑•`)っ 💕 i did see your second ask for sub!gyu hehe so i tried to include it!

wc -> 1.9k

pairings prince!beomgyu x princess!reader warnings maybe a lil angsty? elements of cheating, slight dom/sub dynamics, sub!beomgyu, dom!reader, implied inexperienced reader, handjob, unprotected sex, tiny bit of marking.

The door to your shared bedchamber quietly closes and you can hear the light footsteps darting across the room as your husband carefully makes his way over to the bed you shared. After quickly shuffling out of his clothes, Beomgyu takes place next to you on the large mattress, seemingly unaware of the fact that you were still awake. 

“Where have you been all day?” Your voice rings out into the darkness of the room and you can feel him go stiff beside you. — You knew that your marriage was merely out of convenience and that your husband held no affection for you, yet you couldn’t help but feel hurt at his blatant absence. It wasn’t exactly unusual for your bed to remain empty of his presence. 

Beomgyu clears his throat and you can feel him shift next to you. “I had a few things to take care of”, he mumbles and you refuse a scoff. His words were scattered with yet another handful of lies for you could smell the liquor on him. — “Did you talk to your father about the ball we’re arranging next week?” You ask, though his following silence gave you all the answers you needed. 

He sighs, an exhausted and almost irritated sigh. “I’ll do it tomorrow”, he grumbles and you roll your eyes. You had known him almost your whole life and he had always been like this, uncaring and outright reckless. And while he might’ve gotten away with his deceiving ways of living, as a teen, it was seriously taking a toll on both his reputation on your marital duties as adults. — More than often did you find yourself straying by your work desk until early morning as you plowed through your workload; while your husband spent his days engaging in all but his royal duties. 

“Don’t bother.” You sigh as you lean back against your pillow. There’s a brief pause before you feel him shift once more, “what?”, he asks as he props himself up on his elbows. “I said don’t bother. I’ll do it.” You grit out before turning your back on him, hugging your arms around your body as you screwed your eyes shut. You can practically hear his inner battle as he fumbles for words. “Beomgyu, it’s fine, I’ll do it. Just go to sleep.” You mumble as you pull the duvet over your chest. 

You’re startled when you suddenly feel his warm hand on your shoulder. “Is something wrong?” He quietly wonders and you almost want to laugh. “No, why would it be?” You mutter as you shrug his hand off. — “Well you’re acting…distant”, he comments as he flops back down against the mattress. This time you can’t resist the scoff that leaves your lips, “I’m acting distant? I thought that was what you wanted, no?” 

“When did I say that?” He grunts as stares up against the dark ceiling. You actually could not believe him. “When?” You snort, “you’re asking me when?” The silence that follows makes your eyebrows knit together in a frown, “everyday”, you finally state, your voice merely a whisper. “You leave me alone, cooped up in piles of work while you’re out doing heaven knows what, sometimes you don’t even come home, what are you doing then? Busy spending all our resources on the nearest brothel?” Your rant ends with a small huff as you close your eyes in exhaustion. 

You try your best to ignore the stinging feeling in your chest as you’re forced to listen to the quiet breathing of him next to you, wondering what you could have possibly done to warrant such an unfortunate marriage. “You refuse to look at me”, he then whispers and your eyes snap open at his words. “You always have”, he continues as he draws in a small breath. “Even back when we were kids, you refused to even glance in my direction.” 

Biting your lip, you let his words sink in. You had always resented Beomgyu, even when the two of you were still young, his reckless persona made you wrinkle your nose in disgust. You had refused to ever become associated with such a being. Whilst Beomgyu spent his late teens exploring the town's village, earning himself quite the promiscuous reputation, you stayed at home, your nose buried in whatever book had captured your interest. — When the news of your arranged marriage reached you, the only thing on your mind was to avoid the man you were to call husband at all costs. You had never once stopped to consider that he might not feel the same, that he might… 

“You want me to look at you?” 

Your words feel heavy as they leave your lips, a brief pause accompanying them before Beomgyu breathes out a quiet, “yes.” — You don’t exactly know what came over you, the years of pent up anger toward him or the longing you’d tried to deny whenever he wasn’t around. Whichever it may be, it caused you to abruptly sit up as your head snapped in his direction. “If that is what you wish.” You firmly state before swinging your leg over him, straddling his lap as you leaned over to light the candle by your bed. 

In the dim light casted by the small flame, you finally come face to face with him. Beomgyu wears a startled expression as his wide eyes blink up at your own. “Is this what you wanted?” You frown as you let your hands fall to your sides, leaning back on your knees slightly, your eyes darting across his exposed chest for a brief second. 

His large hands grab onto your waist as he pulls you down on him completely, your lips parting in surprise as you feel his bulge, pressing up against your thigh through the thin fabric of his slacks. “No”, he states before one of his hands trails up to the nape of your neck, pulling you down as he presses his lips against yours, his tongue quickly dwelling deep into your mouth. “Like this”, he mumbles as he keeps you in a firm hold. 

Your initial shock soon fades as you lean into the tender kiss, the kiss that quickly grows hotter and far more lewd with each passing second. Perhaps you had read him wrong all along, perhaps… Pulling your lip between his teeth, Beomgyu’s hand on your waist snakes down between your thighs and you immediately pull back. 

Bracing your palms against his naked chest, you catch your breath as your gaze meets his; brown eyes swirling with desire as a smirk plasters on his lips. “You okay?” He murmurs as the back of his hand envelops your cheek in a gentle caress. You close your eyes, the many lonesome nights lingering in the back of your mind despite your greatest efforts to push them away. 

Finally you look down to him once more as you shake your head. “No. No I am not.” You quietly whisper. Upon sliding back on his thighs, your hands trail along his chest before reaching the hem of his pants. — You had spent one night together, your wedding night. It had perhaps been one of the most drawn out nights of your life, and you remembered it with disdain, it had merely been out of duty. That didn’t change the fact that it remained the only experience you held, so with a small exhale you gathered yourself before sliding the fabric from his body. 

You swallow a small gulp as you eye his hard cock, eyes flitting hesitantly between it and Beomgyu’s almost daring gaze. He cocks an eyebrow at you and parts his lips as if to say something, though his words are quickly replaced by a small strangled noise as you wrap your fingers around his shaft. Truthfully, you had no clue of what you were doing but the way he squirmed as your thumb brushed against his tip caused a spark of confidence to shoot through you. 

You experimented your way forward as your other hand joined in, flicking your wrist over the head of his cock whilst the other gently squeezed around the base, pulling a harsh groan from your husband. — Propping himself up on his elbows, Beomgyu licks his lips as he reaches a hand out toward you only to be forcefully pushed back against the pillow. “Lie back down, and be still.” You command and with a look of disbelief he obliges. 

Your brows draw together as you refocus your attention toward his cock in your hands. Upping your pace ever so slightly as a sheen layer of precum spilled from his tip, running down his shaft like wax of a candle. The soft noises spilling from his lips made your cunt clench around nothing and you rubbed your thighs together in an attempt to alleviate some of the pressure.

His hips bucked up against your hands and the small frown on your face deepens as your gaze snaps back up to his flustered face. “I thought I told you to be still”, you scold as you tug on his cock, making him whimper out into the hot air. Breathing out a quiet “m’sorry”, his fingers intertwine amongst the silk sheets, his knuckles growing white as he grips them tight.  

When the ache between your legs becomes almost unbearable you let out a small sigh as you hike your nightgown over your hips, repositioning yourself to hover above the leaking tip of his cock. Beomgyu bites his lip as he groans under you, eyes pleading with you as he silently asks for you to sink down on him, and you do, wincing slightly at the unfamiliar stretch, taking your time before he’s fully seethed within you. 

You let out a shaky breath as you slowly begin to move on top of him, biting back a moan as his stiff cock brushes against all your sensitive nerves. “I want you to stop going to brothels.” The statement falls from your lips without much struggle and Beomgyu whines beneath you as he tugs on the bedsheets. “Did you hear me?” Your hand grabs ahold of his chin, fingers digging into his cheeks as you force his clouded gaze to refocus on you. He meekly nods and you scoff as you let go of his face. “Then answer me.” 

“I-I’ll stop, I won’t go there -fuck- a-anymore..” He groans as he feels you clench around him. — Increasing the pace of your hips, your head threatens to fall back against the euphoric pleasure coursing through you. “I want you to sleep in here every night.” You practically demand as your nails rake along his chest, leaving angry red marks in their wake, making him arch off the mattress as he nods his head feverishly.

“Can you promise me that you’ll stop seeing those filthy whores?” You drawl as you feel your climax approaching. Beomgyu heaves a breath as he looks up at you, “yes, yes, anything you want”, he whines as he feels you grind down harsher on him, a small moan ripping from your throat as you release all over his cock, making him twitch deep inside of you. “Please, please, please..” he pleads, his eyes rolling back as his hips jerk up against yours. 

Too exhausted to push him back down you lean forward to press your lips against his neck. “Fine, I do suppose you’ve been good”, you mutter against his skin as you tenderly kiss it. Breathy moans and thank you’s leave his lips and his hips stutter as his finishes inside of your aching cunt, arms wrapping around you tightly as he pressed you further against his chest. 

You supposed your marriage wasn’t entirely hopeless after all.

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[lostfracturess]

ITS ONLY TAKEN ME A MONTH AFTER I SAID I’D SEND THIS 😭

Hi, I’m Kiko, and I get easily distracted and I put too much pressure on myself to write this so then my brain just didn’t want to even though I’ve read the chap so many times. And AHHHHH.

SO. S&C: say my name.

Holy shit. First of all, the smut? Incredible 😂 I really love the tension between these two. It’s so fun. Their banter and the payoff is truly great.

BUT AS FOR THE REST: The line that has been eating away at me for weeks is “he'd bleed for you, but couldn't heal for you.” THIS LINE. THIS LINE. OH, THE CRUEL BEAUTY OF THIS LINE. How true it is. It’s so much easier to be self-sacrificial and give into the destruction than to fight it sometimes and these two are such a good example of that. It’s clear he’s trying but addiction obviously isn’t easy to kick.

These two are so messy. So messy and it’s wonderful. They aren’t together but they are. She’s still so hurt by his former rejection, the fact that he essentially chose his addiction over her, and because of Geto’s advice on top of that, but she still loves him so much that she can’t get herself to give up and walk away

But the duality of how she truly does love all parts of him, even the ugly ones, but there’s a part of her that’s so afraid of losing him completely. That she is so conflicted and the little spiral she has when she’s thinking about how she loves him no matter what so why is she still insisting on trying to force him to quit? It’s because you love him, sweet girl. Because you care about him and don’t want to see him so miserable and in pain. You love him, but not the addiction. Because in the end, he isn’t the problem, the addiction is. It’s separating the two and I think you’ve done a good job showcasing the struggle in mentally separating them while also showing how she’s almost instinctively done it because she genuinely loves him so much.

Dumping her coffee on him was hilarious. Throwing her phone at the wall was so visceral and raw and I felt it in my bones. She was so impulsive in this part and tbh it’s relatable.

The party worries me. I totally get that she wants to have fun but sweetheart maybe find a party not being thrown by someone who wanted to drug you and take advantage of you because he’s technically gotten away with it which means he likely won’t be afraid to try it again. But you do you 👀👀

Gojo’s desire to keep her safe and from that party, her pent up frustration with how he pushed her away and now wants to act like they’re still together is just… so damn human. Yes, she knows she’s not being the smartest or most rational but that frustration and desire to have any kind of control over her own life is understandable. Again, these two are so damn messy and it’s so beautiful.

The entire bit where he’s begging her to say his name? Beautiful, heartbreaking, hot as fuck tbh. It was incredible. They’re both so depraved and it’s great 😂

Her insisting on going with him to deal with his family? That’s going to be a disaster but I eagerly await that chaos.

I feel like I was super scattered and incoherent in this and I probably forgot something but hopefully it made sense?? I’ve literally had a note in my phone to write this out in so I could do it in little spurts and then I go and just word vomit anyway… 😅

I hope you’re well and taking care of yourself!

- 💕 Kiko (@siriuslysatorusimping)

ahhhh thank you so so much for your analysis of the latest chapter, they mean so much too me as i feel like you really capture the essence of each chapter so well. sometimes i even come back to your messages to remind myself what is going on in my writing haha. kind of getting complicated with all those messy feelings.

but please don't pressure yourself for writing me these !! just pour your thoughts and they don't have to make sense or like in chronological order, i'll appreciate them either way !! <3

So messy and it’s wonderful. They aren’t together but they are.

ahhh yes, i love this so so much, idk why but that shit gets me. like knowing you're not really together bc of things happened but still are so close and intimate that it's basically still somehow a relationship. ugh, im weak.

It’s separating the two and I think you’ve done a good job showcasing the struggle in mentally separating them.

this will basically be the plot for next chapter. like digging deeper into that struggle all messy and painful hehe.

thank you again so so much for writing me !! wish you all the best and can't wait to hear your thoughts on the next chapter <3

[hrghhhhhhhhh]

whooooo, i read ur last reply to that holohacker question and i'd be super interested to hear how u would navigate what u said at one point! when u explained that the writers made them more and more annoyed with each other, meaner etc up to the point of not acknowledging each other anymore to show that they were never supposed to have a romantic spark, how would u do the other thing u recommended? like finding what canon gives u, filling the gaps etc if filling the gaps and seeing things in a romantic light made the writers so pissed about the ship in the first place - isn't that juss killing the ship for good? anyway thank u for giving such in depth replies ilu

I feel like the way i navigate these things is not framing the writers' intent as, like, emotional? ... idk how to phrase this, but i will try.

from this language: "made the writers pissed" it puts A LOT of intent in the writers hands that i dont think is there to begin with. I dont think theyre mad, per se, I do realize my prev answer may have sounded like the writers were being retaliatory - but thats not how i meant it!! It feels more like a gentle guiding back to their plot, NOT a full erasure, if im honest!

I don't really feel like their lines have been any meaner than they originally were, BUT i do feel like their lines are a little flatter together. which, again, i don't think comes with the baggage of the writers being "pissed". I think theyre just trying to deliver plot points. I personally feel like the plotpoints are: Too far apart, Too scattered by diff mediums, AND honestly not worth the wait most of the time. Thats not to say i think the entire thing SUCKS. I simply think its a pretty good plot told in the farthest-apart and briefest way possible. Totally frustrating.

OKAY SO now that thats all OUT of my brain: I dont think theyre making them hate each other at all! They have shallow interactions. but its not as black and white of "if they talk, theyre in love, and if they dont, they hate each others' guts". Actually thinking of the two of them getting comfortable with the other one in the room is so lovely; truly breaking through both of their personas and therefore NOT making either of them pretend around the other, and becoming comfy (thats my bread & butter baybey) As for the Killing the Ship: This is why i like to take canon very very lightly (im sorry thats my answer for everything LMAO) . I'm very used to Mirage being reduced to Mr Jokes The Clownman, and Crypto to his "solitary corner". I do get sad that theres NUTHIN' going on in terms of development for them together lately. BUT i don't have to settle for hollow (ha) Mirage, and boring loner Crypto! I can enrich them! Cause i'm not trying to shoehorn stuff into the current canon, they can exist side by side, they can intertwine, etc etc!

I am a multishipper so please, understand that ive been doing these mental gymnastics for a wHILE now akjdgskjh

TY FOR YOUR Q i hope i made sense <3

[oceanblueeyesoul]

hii is it alright if i have a matchup with wednesday addams ? it's okay if not, i don't mind !!

( i hope you know what shifting is cause i am going to describe my 'DR' self LMAOAOA )

my name is angel, i am a female who strictly uses she/her pronouns and i am omnisexual, VERYY much leaning towards women. i'm 150cm tall and i am on the slimmer side. i have long, straight light blonde hair that goes down to my bellybutton with a fringe. my eyes are so brown that most might mistake them for black, my iris is quite big, and rather than siren eyes i have big doe eyes. i have light freckles scattered across my cheeks and nose. i know appearance doesn't matter but it's fun to visualise LMAOAOAO

i am quite shy, even around people i've known my whole life. i'm also quite quiet, some of my classmates i've known for a while haven't really heard my voice. i don't speak all that much due to an insecurity i have with my voice but i won't touch too much on that because it's an uncomfortable topic. i'll try to describe it, it's a little soft and almost embarrassingly high pitched. it takes a good while for me to actually talk to somebody with my words, and genuinely open up. i am always willing to do anything not only for those i love, but for anyone. i'm too kind for my own good sometimes in the sense that i'm trying more to recognise when people are genuine or taking advantage of me. although i'm shy and quiet, i can be quite energetic and bubbly. often i'm calm, but when i'm happy or excited i'll be smiling non-stop and stimming. i've been told i'm mysterious which makes me cringe a little. i have a very good sense od humour, it's very very easy to make me laugh. some other adjectives to describe me are ditzy, observant, introverted, oblivious, shy, happy. i wouldn't call myself smart but i am most definitely not stupid, my lowest grade is a b. i'm smart with school subjects, but with other stuff is where my brain goes a bit cloudy. if i went to nevermore, ironic as it is, i'd most likely be an angel. if i went to hogwarts, i'd be a hufflepuff. i get along with 99.9% of people i meet. i know a lottt of people but only keep very few close. i LOOVE snow, rain & winter !! which is a pity honestly because i catch colds quite easily and i get cold easily but it doesn't matterr i love it anyway. my favourite season ever. lemons, gingerbread, fruit salads, strawberry jam and pastries (specifically donuts) are my favourite foods. i am a talented singer but nobody is aware because i'm to embarrassed to sing in front of anybody. i'm definitely a cat person as i admire that cats can not only be playful, but calm as well. my music taste is mainly lana del rey, pinkpantheress & tv girl. i like a lot of songs but these artists are in my playlist the most. i also love newjeans and red velvet's music but idk if people know them. i have a resting sad face so people often think i'm sad when they glance at me and i'm super insecure of that because i got called emo because of it </33

my clothing style is coquette, but i only really wear white clothing with the occasional grey and very pastel colours. i usually wear black mary janes and frilly socks and leg warmers. i love the snow clothing, the clothing with fluffy material. i prefer wearing clothing that fits my waist very well, and mini-skirts. i like wearing bows at the back of my hair and a little bit of jewellery. i don't like wearing too much, i don't like baggy pants - if i was to wear pants they would be low rise skinny jeans. most tops i wear fit me very well and are very often cropped.

i hope you don't find anything about me cringe because i get it often that my fav characters wld find me cringe and that i'm cringe in general which i find a little sad. i hope this wasn't too detailed. it's like one in the morning right now and i have nothing better to do LMAOAO thank you anyway if you made it to here !! thank you ily !! <33

Hi there, Angel! I really hope you like this a lot!

Wednesday (Netflix) Matchup

Your Wednesday (Netflix) soulmate is...

ENID SINCLAIR!

She would definitely love your outfits and would often steal some pastel outfits in your wardrobe when she runs out of new looks to wear for an important event.

She would definitely help you to come out of your shell a bit because she wants everyone just to see you as she sees you all the time.

She would definitely love your physical appearance the most because she thought you looked the most angelic out of the angels that she must be in heaven with you.

Huffledor x Hufflepuff soulmates!

[soft4gguk]

Oh my goodness that was so good i was smiling all throughouttttt like its not much but its progress you know. But besides all that it feels a little bittersweet? Like when jungkook asked her to be his girlfriend, i swooned. There’s security but there will always be uncertainty. Like he thinks she’s magic and an angel sent to save him but when he’s healed and all the pain is gone will he still want oc by his side? Like is she just some rebound but like in a more mature way?? 😭 idk if im making sense. Jungkook feels so much for her but i hope one day it can translate to love. I feel like he loves her but he just doesn’t know it yet because he’s never been in love (this is my opinion and theory) until oc, u know? Aaahhh I’m so happy for them but im also scared because they do have a long way to go and i feel like angst will always just follow them

Oc is so strong too i mean it’s not easy being w a baby daddy but she’s just so…full of grace. With how she lives life and how she interacts with people

But anw thank u Tessa for writing and sharing despite your busy sched! I love the way you write and you are very talented.

it makes me so happy to know the chapter made u smile <3333 also, i totally get the bittersweet part… i mean, i feel like so much of this story has been bittersweet since the very beginning. i mean, of is in jungkook’s life because the most tragic thing that could’ve happened to him… happened. i guess now they’re just navigating the circumstances and adding more sweetness to their situation other than bitterness. and that’s such a fair observation, about how things will be like when he’s fully healed… but i feel like his approach to their relationship now caters more to the future, of wanting to nurture it in a way that will benefit them both in the future. i think he’s doing it so right, all things considered. idk. i’m just so smitten with them rn, all i want is to write fluff and lovey loooooove ok!!! hehe but i loved reading and answering this ask so much, i hope i made sense (i’m a bit scattered brained hehe) also!! i agree with u. oc is so very graceful. i love her sm. i also loved how jungkook basically acknowledged it too during their conversation on the beach.

thank you soooo much for loving my little story. it means the world to me. ill always find time!! <333 ilu xo

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

for the little ask game 🎵and 💞

i feel like i've answered so many selfship questions that i no longer remember which ones i've done before jdksjfkjd

Come ask me some self-ship questions!

🎵: What are some song lyrics that make you think of your f/o/your relationship with your f/o?

Hmm only one I can think of is this one from Secondhand Serenade: "Don't hate me, don't fail me now. Hold on to hope 'cause I'm yours. I'm coming home to you soon 'cause the road is very worn and it's begging me to come back to you." Just because I imagine canonverse and he'd be out a lot because of his duties from being on the Scouts u.u

💞: How do you both express affection?

levi is the quiet but loud type? idk if that makes any sense LMAO. like he'll do little things that most people won't even notice but like it means the world to me because it kinda shows that he's always thinking of me? i am 100000000% quality time. i'm so scatter brained all the time, so the best way for me to show love is just to spend time with you, so whenever i'm purposefully begging for his attention and to do something with me or if i carve out time specifically for him, that's my go-to way of being affectionate with him :3

[chena-h]

Man, it's been raining so much lately. On the one hand it's nice but oof, I do not like driving in rainy weather. Way too stressful.

So, I've been in a reflective mood lately. Sure it comes with the time of year. Creatively speaking, I feel like 2022 was pretty good for me. Im feeling more confident about things I create or ideas I get than I have in the past. I'm kinda happy about that.

Definitely focused more on writing than drawing. While I didn't publish much, I did feel great about the things I did managed to complete. Started taking more notes and being ok with wips. I feel like that's helped a lot. Head feels a little less cluttered and I'm relieved to know that I have a place where I can revisit my ideas when the time is right.

Didn't sketch or draw as much as I wanted to. It's hard because I have so many pencils and pens now (my brother even got me a set of pastels I'm excited about using). I'm not one for resolutions but I'd like to make some time to practice drawing more things. More practice in colored pencil for sure and trying to get through all my pens. At some point, I would like to venture into painting with inkwashes. Watercolors seem super intimidating to me. I've only painted with acrylics a few times and I don't really have the space for it. Maybe someday.

But yeah, this year, I want to try and work on my sense of organization when it comes to my creative projects. Art wise, I tend to be scatter brained ;w; I don't know what that will look like yet, but basically I want to balance time for writing and art projects.

Art wise, I still have that thing I was mentioning last year that I want to finish. I'm about a little over a quarter of the way there, I think? Just need to practice sketching some pieces out more before I draw the final versions. After that, I have a similar project I kind of want to do as well as a short series of portraits feat. one of my blorbos. At first, I wanted it to just be one drawing but I like all the ideas too much to choose just one orz. I also am undecided on which medium(s) to use. I'll see.

Writing wise...lol, I have so many wips now! Which is good. I do feel like I'll return to the Akira manga au series at some point. I've got more scenes from that AU (and I figured out how to end it)! There's also some one shots and a shorter series I hope to finish, but I'm very particular about the order in which I publish fics so idk when that'll be. Right now, though, the bnha fics are what I'm drawn to the most so I'll likely be focusing on those. Want to finish the first part of the series I posted, continue with the Villain AU, and maybe (maybe?) get the first chapter of the other series posted??? Gonna shoot for February for that one, but no guarantees there. There's also that highly ambitious AU fic that I want to write and publish this year, but there's still kinks for me to iron out with that one.

I think this is the longest time I've focused on fanart more than anything original, which is new for me. There are some projects related to my OCs that I have kicking around. Maybe I'll get to those later in the year. I've been debating whether to post original fics to AO3. I went on a deep dive the other night looking for fics tagged as QPR because I was curious and found way more original works than I expected. I know AO3 isn't technically for that, but I generally prefer to have one dedicated place to share stuff. I do have a RoyalRoad account though, so maybe I could use that instead.

Trying to stay positive about this year.

[fairycosmos]

hey you always give good advice and uh. so ive been feeling like a really bad person bc my ex and i's relationship ended when we realised things were getting Bad for me mentally and my constant anxiety (i have OCD) made me terrified i'd hurt them (not physically bc its long distance but like emotionally) and i think that's what Ruined it which is uhhh ironic i guess??? sbhgfd but it made their friends hate me and now i feel like i'm a bad person bc i Need everyones approval :(((

hey angel. i’m really sorry to hear about the break up. regardless of what you say or do next, losing someone you care about will always hurt, and it’s okay to just let it for a while. you don’t have to push the sadness away, you just have to try to deal with it in a safe way, alright? cry, write about it, talk about it. and listen. when you have problems with your mental health, and you’re going through a tough experience on top of that, your mind will try every single tactic in the book to convince you that you’re a bad person and that it’s all your fault. because that gives you a semblance of control, right? if it’s your fault, then it makes sense to a certain extent. but it’s actually far more complex than that. sometimes there is no simple explanation as to why things turn out a certain way. you can’t bully yourself into believing that you’re a problem, that you’re the only one to blame for everything. that’s not how it works. there are so many different aspects to the situation, and they all factor into why this didn’t work out. if the relationship did end because you were scared of hurting your ex, then that literally makes you the opposite of a bad person, in a roundabout way. you were trying your very best to NOT hurt them. you were doing everything in your power to prevent more damage from occurring. you were trying to save them from more pain. that’s not a negative attribute to posses. that’s not a mean-spirited thing to do. yeah, maybe looking back, there are things you’d do differently, but that’s the case for everything that happens in life. that’s how you grow. hindsight is 20/20, and all you can do is learn from the past. you can’t change it, and it’ll always be there, but it’ll never define you. and it won’t always feel as awful as it does right now. i promise.

as far as the compulsive need to be liked goes, it’s a really common issue, especially if you already have low self esteem. it’s something most people experience to an extent. but it’s also a trap. it’s literally impossible to be liked by Everybody. being liked by Everyone won’t add to your worth, just as being disliked by people doesn’t detract from it. what others think of you doesn’t edit who you actually are. your ex’s friends are obviously very biased against you, right? they’ve been influenced to see you in a negative light, so they’re blinded. you cant control how they think, or how they perceive things. they have an EXTREMELY one dimensional view of you, a multidimensional being. they only know of you because of your ex, and you are so much more than your relationship with them. seriously. none of this is necessarily a reflection of who you are, or who you’ll always be. their opinion is misguided and uninformed, so how can it be trustworthy? your brain will try to convince you that they’re right, but they dont know you, so they cant possibly be. i get it, though. it’s uncomfortable when people have something against you. it makes you feel itchy and like you’re guilty of something, or at least thats how it is for me. but if you look at your very specific circumstances from an objective perspective you’ll see that you haven’t done anything wrong. you haven’t done anything worth crucifying yourself over. it was a relationship that ended sadly for everyone involved. it’s not a crime. you both got hurt. 

and the bottom line is that your mental illness isn’t your fault. it’s not something you asked for, it’s not something to be ashamed of, it’s just a part of you. and while it may cause a lot of stress and anxiety, if your partner isn’t willing to attempt to support you (in this context), then maybe it’s better for you to just focus on yourself, and to attempt to move on. as hard as that is to accept, as impossible at it feels, it’s always an option. i know it’s not what you want to hear, and it’s not any sort of ideal solution, but the fact remains: the only way forward is through. it will get easier. the pain will ease up one day at a time. especially if you’re actively trying to take care of yourself. do you see a professional due to the current climate of your mental health? cause if you don’t, i’d really recommend doing so. that can be your first step towards making yourself a priority. it can be your regular doctor, a counselor, even your parents to begin with…….talking to people about what’s going on in your head doesn’t have to be a big deal. and maybe if you start to work closely with a professional, you can figure out why you feel so desperate to be liked in the first place, why your confidence is so low, what you can do to learn how to like yourself, how you can incorporate healthy coping mechanisms into your life, etc. all of that is within your reach. there are so many choices, so many ways to make this manageable. of course it’ll be a process, it won’t be an instant fix, but it’ll be a positive start. and that’s more than good enough.

i really hope you’re alright, and that you feel better about it all soon. i’m v sorry i couldn’t be of more help. but i hope you know, above all, that you deserve to be loved. you deserve a supportive, healthy relationship with others AND with yourself. and i’m fully certain that you’re capable of reaching out, and of trying to achieve that. i believe in you. i believe that change is guaranteed and happiness isn’t that far out of reach for you. even if it seems like it is. i’m sending you a lot of love. i’m always here if you need to talk, or if you need a friend. please feel free to message me anytime.

[ihatebnha]

i’m sorry ik you’re not much of a simp for this asshole (affectionate) and this is kinda ooc for him ig but i *cannot* get the idea of a fwb!Hitoshi out of my gd head that shit lives in my smooth ass brain rent-free

BABE what are you talking about??????? I YAM a Shinso simp!!! He was in my top three for the LONGEST time, I just honestly… lmfao, never talk about it bc I really only like the shinso that lives in my head. He’s so specific and careful to me that when other people do it wrong I’m like… bye.

ANYWAY… this is honestly gonna live in my head too now, thank u… fwb!hitoshi……:. *crying Pepe meme*

-

I feel like it’s all so scattered with him. How it happens, I mean. One of those things that doesn’t really make any sense because people assume he’s so anti-social and Aizawa-like that he wouldn’t really have a FWB.

But that’s the thing. He’s a loner, but he’s not… a monster about it or anything. He craves human interaction and care just like anyone else, even if he’s not about to deep dive into a relationship two seconds after meeting you.

But he likes you, and that’s another weird thing: he didn’t think he would. NOT because you’re bad or whatever, but he never likes people this easily, and they don’t usually fall into his lap so easily… so he’s confused like… does he pursue you? Does he just, wait it out and hope you go away (like everyone else)?

He doesn’t know!!!

But anyway… unlike him (who spent years just building up walls for practically no reason), you don’t have any reason to hide from him, or distance yourself because you think you’re actually terrible… which is how the fucking really starts in the first place (and I’m not gonna tell you how you feel about him because there’s so many ways to feel)… and you get to know him.

Honestly, this is where the third weird thing about Shinso comes into play, which is that he fucks like a BEAST. An emotionally attached beast, that is… which is why everything ends of going down the way it does, because he’s just not capable of fucking you like he hates you without aftercare, and that’s when all these little truths end up popping out; that he DOES like you, and he IS kinda scared of relationships…

And I feel like everything comes to a climax eventually when you like… either tell him you wanna stop fucking or get sick of him acting like you’re dating without putting a name to it… OR something happens and you have the most emotional sex ever, like coming over in the middle of the night and sitting on him type shit…

And he’s forced to come to terms with his feelings and ask you out. Idk. But yea. Smooth brain time.

[dameronology]

cold coffee in the morning {poe dameron}

summary: aka the one where you and poe can't seem to work out your commitment issues, and also the one where c3po is the unsung hero (based loosely on the song by ed sheeran)

warnings: language, brief innuendos

enjoy! idk why i'm writing this at 3am but we mooooove

- jazz xx

Poe Dameron had never needed another person before - then he met you, and the idea of ever existing as an independent being for the rest of his living years had suddenly seemed like the most unappealing thing since Luke Skywalker's blue-milk cheesecake. The way you'd whirlwhinded into his life with your gorgeous smile and contagious laugh had knocked the usually-suave pilot completely and utterly onto the floor. Bruised ass aside, he wasn't mad about it. He was happy to have you in his life in whatever way you'd let him.

And what way that was exactly, he didn't know.

You were friends; close, close friends. Bonded for life through your shared goofy humour and seemingly-endless banter. Then you did things that friends didn't normally do - at least not in Poe's experience - and you would act like it was nothing. As if your nights spent together and the whispers you lost between the sheets meant as much to you as the things you did for your other friends, like stopping Finn from tripping on his shoe laces or picking up R2-D2 when he toppled over. It was as though every-time you crossed that line, you immediately regretted it; then, a few days later, you'd decide that you missed Poe, and you'd repeat the same mistake again and again, like you were trapped in a time loop of love and pain.

The feeling would stay with Poe for days; your hands tangled in his hair, his skin against yours, laughter rippling through clashing teeth and soft lips. The way you fell beside each other, sharing highs and secrets and inside jokes; the way you would reference one of your late night talks in shared conversations with friends, and his brown eyes would flick to the ground, cheeks burning red at the fact you'd remembered. It made his heart-rate pick up and palms sweaty.

And sometimes, just sometimes, it would make up for the way you'd leave in the morning; the way he'd arise to find a you-size hole in his bed and heart, and a cup of half-finished caff on the side. With his brain tinged with the remains of a hangover from the previous night, he'd pour the cold beverage down the sink and go about his day.

Poe did manage to catch you one morning; he'd purposely set his alarm so that he would stir earlier than you and rest assured, you were still dead to the world when he came around. The sun outside was still rising, the sky a dull pink-and-blue, the day fresh with hope and brimming with potential for heartbreak. It felt unnatural to see you quiet and peaceful, and not running your mouth and poking fun at anyone who would listen. There was a reason that C3PO avoided you like the plague - it wasn't his fault he was an easy target.

"You watching me sleep, creep?" You murmured.

"Just enjoying the view." Poe replied. He rolled over, crossing his arms behind his head. "You're usually gone by the time I'm awake."

You peeled one eye open, your one-eyed glare enough to send a shiver down his spine. "Don't be passive aggressive, Poe. Just say it."

"Isn't it a little early to be so feisty?"

"Isn't it a little early to make back-handed comments?" You shot back.

"Sorry. I was trying to find a way to bring up such a touchy subject."

You reached across to squeeze his check. "And you did a great job, curly."

"Alright, that's enough of that." He swatted your hand away. "I did want to talk to you about it, though."

"What is there to talk about?" You sat up, brow furrowing.

"You're confusing." Poe began. "During the day, we're friends. At night, you can't keep your hands off of me."

"It's kind of sexy and mysterious." You tried to joke.

"Sexy and mysterious is tiring."

"Sexy and mysterious is also late for work." You quipped.

You rolled out of bed, reaching for your strewn clothes. Without thinking, you pulled one of Poe's shirts over your head, grabbing your boots and socks. So many of his clothes had just snuck their way into your wardrobe - all of your friends had noticed it, but none of them commented on it. Everybody knew that there was something going on between you, but they were wise enough than to point it out. There had been one new guy who tried to ask, but he'd quickly been shut down.

"I'll see you tonight?" You asked, tugging on Poe's your jacket.

His brown eyes lingered on the floor for a moment, before flicking towards you, holding your gaze in a chokehold. "I don't think we should do this again."

You wavered for a moment, a wave of guilt clouding your judgement for a moment. This had never been about feelings - at least not for you. It had just a bit of fun; a bit of fooling around with a hot pilot. You hadn't meant to get in so deep, or get to a point where you were dismissing his feelings in favour of your own. It was more of a survival instinct than anything - breaking his heart to save your own.

That was it: lack of trust, presence of fear. All things that stopped you taking the full plunge, simply for the worry of letting him hurt you - or worst, you hurting him. Maybe it was a little late to start worrying about the latter. That ship had sailed a long time ago. Maybe it had sunk too.

"Poe-" you began, before pausing. "I have a lot going on in my life. I just don't have room for anything real right now."

"I thought the same." He was still staring right at you. "So I made room."

"It's not that simple." You reminded him. "It's not like...decluttering a room. I can't just Marie Kondo that shit and declare my love for you."

Poe froze at the mention of the L-word. It had been an elephant in the room for a long, long time - but it was outdone by the presence of bigger elephants. Like the ongoing war, and the fact that mortality had never seemed so fucking relevant. It was something you wanted to put a pin in for later, but later wasn't something that was guaranteed these days.

"Fine." He shrugged. "Good talk."

--

The guilt weighed on your brain for days, like a lead hat made of bullshit and regret.

You hadn't realised how much of a hole Poe Dameron left in your life until he was gone -- it was massive, like someone had broken into your home and ripped out two of the walls during a harsh winter storm. Everything felt a little colder and more confusing, and the amount of times you'd had to resist temptation to find him and beg for forgiveness was astounding.

The only reason you hadn't done so was because you knew what you would have to do. Give into your feelings, and let yourself become fully and entirely his. Let him into your life and into your heart. All the bullshit you'd spewed about not having room had been just that: bullshit. You didn't need to make room for him in your heart when he, entirely and wholly, was your heart. And he'd taken a little bit of it with him when he walked away - well, when you'd walked away.

Is this how it felt to be the villain?

"Is everything okay, master?" The sound of your favourite droid brought you back to the present. "You're being uncharacteristically quiet. On average, you've usually said 356 words by 9AM."

"You keep count?" You glanced up from your paperwork, eyebrow quirked. "I'm fine. Just tired."

"Eight of ten times that you've said that, you haven't been fine-"

"- just give it a rest, Threepio." You cut him off. "Please?"

"If there's anything I can help with, let me know." He replied. "A droid's logic can be surprisingly helpful."

"I'm fine but thank-" you stopped in your tracks, pondering for a moment.

Logic. That was certainly something you lacked - the part of your brain that was supposed to be rational was too busy thinking about hot pilots.

"Master?"

"Sorry." You blinked. "Maybe I'll have your input on something."

"Please, go on."

"I love someone and he loves me." You said. "It's just very complicated."

"If a problem can be reduced down to seven words, I would not class that as a problem." Threepio said. "I would say a problem is at least thirty words or more."

You thinned your eyes at him. "What are you saying, goldilocks?"

"Perhaps, your problem is only a problem because you think it is." He replied. "When you lay things out and look at them logically, it can make more sense."

"Logic isn't my strong-point. You know that better than anyone."

"You love Master Dameron and he loves you-"

"- I never mentioned names."

"My apologies." Threepio said. "I was simply reading the room."

"Right."

"Remove your emotions, and those are the facts." He continued.

It was bad enough when Poe was right, but it was even worse when C3PO was. But, for all his theatrics and whining, he was right. Decisions made with logic rather than emotion always had a better outcome. It was plain and simple: you and Poe loved one another. Everything else - your fear and his dismissiveness and your collective confusion - only existed because you let it. But your feelings for each other? That was something you couldn't help.

"Right - thanks." You murmured. "I'll be right back."

You quickly stood up, tossing aside your datapad and immediately exiting the room. The base was small, and Poe was never that far away, even when the room was on the furthest side of the base. It was also your favourite place in the entire camp; it was covered in photos of you and him and your friends, and it was always warm. The mixture of sentimental clutter and little knick-knacks, paired with the gentle smell of his aftershave clinging to the sheets and clothes scattered around, made it feel like an actual home.

You didn't bother knocking - that formality had gone out the window long ago. Instead, you took a deep breath and gently opened the door. There was no certainty that he would even be in - you could only hope. The chances of him being anywhere else were pretty slim.

They'd worked in your favour today, because Poe was stood by his coffee machine, a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was wild and curly and there were still drops of water on his back.

He turned around when he saw you, brow furrowing. Mostly because he had never seen you so breathless and sweaty, but also because he hadn't expected you to ever talk to him again. He'd always known you to stick by your decisions - he normally admired your stubbornness, but as of recent, it had been fucking exhausting.

"Hi-"

"- I love you." You suddenly blurted. "Hi."

"I-" Poe paused, putting down his coffee. "What?"

"I love you. More than anything in the world, ever." You shrugged. "That terrifies me, but I can deal with fear."

"You can. You're pretty bad-ass." He casually nodded.

"Right." You smiled. "I'm sorry it took me so long to say that."

"Hey, it's okay." He gently smiled. "Come here."

You met half way across the room, bodies colliding in a tight hug. His warm, post-shower skin felt like heaven against yours, large hands dragging up and down your back. He consumed everyone one of your senses at once, but mostly, he consumed your ability to think. Your brain was so over-loaded with feelings that the rest of it completely broke down and malfunctioned - kind of like the time you spilt coffee on BB-8.

"I love you too, by the way." Poe gently murmured. You let out a small chuckle.

"I know." You smiled.

"What made you say it now?"

"Threepio said something about logic." You muttered. "The only logical thing for two people who love each other to do is be together, right?"

"I mean, I can think of other things-"

"- Poe!" You whacked his shoulder.

It was though you had untangled your feelings, and the only thing left was a line that went straight from him to you.

"You're right." Poe said. "Thank you for realising it."

You smiled, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "Thank you for being patient."

"It's worth it." He couldn't help but grin. "Do you want some caff? It's still warm."

tags: @anetteaneta @poestardust @marvelinsanity

[plural-culture-is]

So, so. Questioning if I'm a system. I truly believe we are plural. I just, don't know. Sorry if this is choppy and doesn't make sense and seems way to ranty, my brain is a bit scattered and not really thinking stuff through?

I name specific actions or feelings as someone else, because it does not feel like that's me. It feels like someone is doing that, and it also brings me a lot of comfort, y'know? I can't tell if it's that someone else is effecting me, or it's a kinshift, and I do not know the difference anymore

I've never had someone tell me I don't act like myself, that they've always recognized me as myself. I've also never heard alters speak to me or have heard them speaking with each other, but I can feel them sometimes. I am so sure they are there some days. Then again, it may just me be hoping, a lot for something untrue. I have shitty memory though because ADHD, but, I do think I heard someone playing/thinking about a song and broadcasting? it with the rest of us, and at one point it felt like things I was feeling were not me but a child who was with me and giggling through me/the body. I also have feelings occasionally that don't feel like mine

I have had my friend see me space out and not be able to return me from said spacing out. I think I've dissociated before but I can't tell, and I think I deal with minor time lose? Idk, I just know I'm aware for snippets at time I'm doing or watching something and after I eventually snap out of it, it takes a moment for everything to reload about what I was doing. Also, when I get into something everything else but that thing disappears for a hot minute (senses mainly), but that might just be hyperfixation shit

I also know I refer to us as we or plural without thinking from time to time. I also know I speak to myself, but idk if this is because of my escapism tendencies/MaDD or something else. I know I've spoken out loud to myself for a pretty decent time, but idk about calling us plural

But, I don't ever recall finding things that I didn't do. That was buy someone else, and I can't remember a time I wasn't fronting

so, it does sound like you're plural!

I also sometimes struggle to tell if something is a kinshift or if I'm just fronting with someone else. But I guess if you feel like someone else, you're probably co-fronting, and if you still feel like yourself and only feel like yourself (with the addition of your kinshift of course but like. That stil counts as yourself), then it's probably a kinshift. But if you can't tell, try talking to whatever's there, and if you get a reply it's probably not a kinshift.

and also, no one has ever told us we don't act like ourself either! It's possibly because we've been plural most of our life so people are just used to us acting different all the time, or maybe we're just too good at masking that no one notices. But I literally once asked someone we're not out to if they think they would be able to tell if it wasn't me in control of the body and they said yeah, but that, obviously, is not the case lmao. Some people are just oblivious, I guess.

and I also, a lot of the time, can't hear my headmates from headspace. It doesn't mean they're not there, and it doesn't mean they're not talking, we just have too many barriers and not good enough communication to hear each other unless we're in front together/in headspace together. But I can also generally feel my headmates when they're near front too.

these feelings you feel that aren't your own, for sure sound like they could be a headmate! If you don't feel like you're you, or something you did wasn't you, it's probably someone else.

and oh that definitely sounds like dissociation! So you could also have a dissociative disorder that may possibly also go along with your plurality. Do you think you dissociate more when you don't feel like yourself/between feeling like yourself and not? If so, then that dissociation could be connected to your plurality.

I've heard that singlets can't have entire conversations with themselves, so if you're having long conversations with yourself, you're probably actually talking to someone else, especially if you can't control what they say.

not every system gets amnesia, which means they don't have times where they found evidence of doing something they don't remember doing. If you think your dissociation is tied to your plurality, and you don't get amnesia, I'd recommend doing some reading on OSDD-1b and see if you relate to any of it, because that's basically the disorder that is DID without much amnesia. And even if you don't think your dissociation is tied to your plurality, you're still probably plural, based on what you've told me!

oh and even if you don't remember ever not fronting, possibly either you just have shared memory/don't have amnesia so you remember everything that goes on in front so it feels like you were there the whole time, or you're frontstuck and have been for a long time, which is fairly common, and obviously doesn't mean you're not plural.

so yeah, TL;DR is it definitely sounds like you're plural! And if it brings you comfort saying it, then of course you can call yourself a system :)

[rodeo-boots]

Idk who all you write for--but I see your requests are open, and I'd love some Hosea x reader (gender neutral or female) and maybe some nsfw? I'm open to anything, be it vanilla to kink--write what you want! Or, if you dont write hosea, maybe you could write some for Javier x reader? Anything at all 💙💙💙 I love your work!

I've written Hosea for the first time here, so hopefully I could do him justice. Thanks for the request, I hope you'll like the result!

Rating: Explicit

Words: 2065

AO3

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

"What are you reading there?" You stepped closer, your head tilted in curiosity, approaching Hosea where he sat at the table. It was still early morning, the chill not yet gone from the air, the rich scent of coffee spreading from Pearson's wagon.

"Oh, Good Morning." Hosea looked up at you, a kind smile shaping on his face as you placed a hand upon his shoulder to peer over it. "Actually, it's Notre-Dame de Paris, written by a French-man."

You quirked a brow, sitting down on the table-top in front of him. "Is it in French?"

A nod. Your curiosity spiked further.

"You can speak French?" Now, whatever sleepiness might've clouded your brain was gone for good, your stare trained on Hosea in expectancy of an answer.

The man chuckled, closing the book and putting it down on the table, almost sheepishly reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "Well, you learn some things travelin' as much as we did," he explained, though it was clear that wouldn't diminish your amazement. As far as you knew, neither Dutch nor Arthur had picked up any foreign languages on their way here.

"I picked up some words here and there, and before I knew it, I got through an entire book of these funny words." He patted the novel upon the table, crossing his legs when he leaned back.

"You surprise me every day," you spoke, hearing him chuckle yet again, looking up to catch the subtle shake of his head. You risked a glance into the book, flipping through a couple of pages, though the words upon the paper made little sense to you. "Could you teach me?" You asked, finding his stare once more. "It looks like nonsense now, but it'd probably be fun... learning a new language."

His eyes grew gentle, Hosea placing his hand over yours to squeeze it. You've noticed before, how cold his palms used to feel these days, but he wouldn't take your concern. "Later, my dear," he promised you, running his thumb over your knuckles. "First, we got work to do." And with that, he nudged you in encouragement, pushing himself off the chair in the next moment to start into the day.

After fleeing from Blackwater as sudden as you had to, most of your and the other's belongings had to be left behind. You could only guess that most things you have once held dear were now in the hands of Pinkertons, possibly scattered all around your former campsite and destroyed. But there had been no time to grief before. And what mattered now was that you got back onto your legs, the entire gang left in disarray after your previous hopes had been shut down so swiftly.

You didn't hate working, had no problem putting in the extra effort to make this camp into as much of a home as could be. It was only a faint hope, staying here for longer than a couple weeks a time, but at the moment, it was what you had left to hold onto, and with Dutch's certainty about his plans, who were you to raise your voice?

The day drew to an end before you knew it, the hay bales you had moved to the horses for the evening barely visible to your eyes by now. With a soft exhale, you reached up to wipe sweat from your brow, glad that the cold couldn't bother you much with all the exercise you've done.

Footsteps behind you alerted you of someone's presence, your head turning in time to focus on Hosea. A smile shaped upon your lips.

You still remembered the promise he had spoken in the morning hours, certain that with the day now done, you had plenty of time for a good language lesson.

"Excusez-moj, chèrie," he spoke sweetly, guiding his arms around your waist from behind, not planning to startle you in the slightest. He smiled against your neck, holding you close and gentle, the little hairs standing at attention upon your skin. "I don't mean to keep you from your tasks," he added, still keeping his arms in place. Although clearly, you had no issue with that.

"I'm all done here," you answered, leaning back in his embrace, placing your own hands above his on your front. "But I don't know how much knowledge I can absorb just now." A soft laugh escaped your lips, head tilting to find Hosea's gaze briefly. "Today's work has worn me out, I must say."

He hummed lightly, thoughtfully. "Now, what could we do about that?" His words drove heat to your cheeks, the sound of his voice reverberating through your entire being. You knew what he was alluding to, always able to decipher when he got into this very special mood.

"I reckon you'd still like a lesson, n'est-ce pas?" A shiver ran down your spine, your throat suddenly feeling rather dry. You nodded either way, eager to see where he was planning to take this.

Hosea released you, casting a look over his shoulder in contemplation, aware that John had taken his guarding post not too far from your location. "Not here," he said, gently taking your arm to lead you back into camp, your brow quirking when he gestured for John's tent.

"What would he say to that?" You chuckled, entering it still. After all the years you've known Hosea, he's constantly shown himself as more adventurous than a glance at him might indicate, keeping you on your toes with everything he came up with. This site surely wasn't the most outlandish you've loved one another in.

"I've given it to him, so I can use it should the need arise," Hosea answered easily, closing the tent flaps behind you. "Besides, he won't ever have to know," the man added, cupping your cheeks in his hands to bring you close for a kiss, a sigh slipping past your lips at his passionate movements.

Everything happened in a blur after the initial touch of your lips, clothing falling to the floor as Hosea led you towards the bed, shedding the fabric upon his frame just as well. You plopped down on the cot with a shaky laugh, trying to catch his lips again, though he got to his knees in front of you instead, peering up at you with ardor glinting in his eyes.

"You gonna speak French between my legs?" You giggled, your voice playful and cocky. It seemed to pique his interest.

"If that is what you so desire," he answered, cold palms running up the sides of your thighs, encouraging you to spread them for him in the next moment.

You bit down on your lower lip, your eyes glued to your sweetheart upon his knees, hands slipping into his short hair. A warm gust of air was what you felt first, as he leaned down, teasing you by kissing a trail up your thigh, moving on to the other one whilst pointedly ignoring your aching middle. "Hosea," you couldn't keep yourself from whining, fingers tightening in his hair.

He shushed you softly, glancing up at your face for a second before returning to his ministrations, the muscles in your stomach rippling the closer he got to your core. "Please–" your voice cut off into a soft moan, the sound entirely satisfied with his lips finding their target, kissing right where you needed to be kissed. Your eyes fluttered shut on their own, laying back to let Hosea work his magic, the sounds from your lips turning higher and sweeter with every precise swirl of his tongue.

Hosea used his fingers with equal precision, gently working you open around him, poking and prodding at all the spots that heightened your pleasure.

Could you speak any French, you would've encouraged him in the language he's taught himself, but alas, all that left your mouth were coos and mewls. You were melting beneath him, certain that there was no way for you to endure much longer, the pleasure within your core becoming unbearable to handle. "Darling, I'm gonna--" you warned him, the sound of your voice met with the sensations stopping altogether, a groan rumbling through your chest in frustration.

As much as you didn't want this moment to come to an end, you've been close just now– impossibly so, throwing an arm over your eyes when Hosea crawled over you. The breath still rang shakily through your lungs, your eyes not yet meeting his when he kissed his way up your body, running his palms over your sides until your skin perked up with goosebumps.

"Ne désespère pas," he whispered, mouthing his way up to your ear for his words to resound through you, another soft whine leaving your lips. Hosea pushed the arm away from your eyes, kissing the back of your hand before he entangled his fingers with your own. "Hello there," he smiled at you, your eyes peeking open to return the gesture in kind.

"Are you ready for more?" He asked softly, caressing your cheek with his free hand, his stomach resting in between your legs, a shift of your hips enough to offer you some much needed friction.

"S-Sí." You had tried, at least, to show him that you knew some words yourself.

Hosea chuckled gently, his thumb running over your jaw. "That would be Spanish," he pointed out, though there was no mocking edge to his tone, a breathless laugh leaving your own lips at the realization.

He kissed you once more, squeezing your fingers before getting to his legs, pulling your hips to the edge of the cot. His eyes found yours when he pushed inside, his own lips parting at the feeling of your tight walls around him.

Your legs found their way around his hips, settling there as if it were the only place for them to be, your breaths rattling in your chest. Hosea gave you time to adjust, careful and considerate as always, reaching down between your legs to touch you softly, purposefully keeping his ministrations brief and teasing.

"If only you'd know how good you're feelin'," he muttered, looking down at you as if he beheld a masterpiece, though to him, that was just what you were. "My beautiful darling."

He started moving slowly, rolling his hips for his cock to move deeper into you, drawing back and letting you feel his entire length with the next thrust forward. You moaned, grasping for his hands again to link your fingers, needing something to hold onto when he quickened his pace.

Soon enough, the sounds of skin slapping against skin filled the tent, possibly filtering through the thin walls as well, though neither of you held much of a care for that. You rocked back against his every movement, getting lost in the ardor surrounding you as your nails dug into the back of his hand. "Hosea–" his name was a mantra upon your lips by now, repeated like a prayer, with every time sounding more desperate than the last.

You were getting close all over again, feeling your orgasm build in your loins, your spine curving in an attempt to receive more friction at your sex. "Please, make me cum." He had to be getting close himself, thrusts turning more hurried and sloppy, his own voice raising in clear enjoyment.

"Of course, my dear," he stuttered only the slightest bit, reaching down to pleasure you as you had wished, angling his hips just right to hit that sweet spot within you. "Go'head," he encouraged, continuously fucking into you as the motions of his hand quickened, intended to drive you over the edge and beyond.

"Je veux vous entendre," he grunted, the sound of his French sending you spiraling out of control, your walls pulsating around him as your orgasm hit you like a train.

You cried out in delight, tossing your head back as he spent himself inside of you, driven to fulfillment by the feeling of you coming around him. He panted, propping his arms up on either side of your head as the pleasant aftershocks raked his body, his cock sporadically twitching inside of you.

Eventually, Hosea pulled out of you, sinking onto the cot by your side, his chest rising and falling as he gradually caught his breath. "Now that wasn't what I had planned for today's lesson."

[wehatejulietsimms]

A/N: i'm gonna respond to this in sections bc it's quite long so bare with me.

Howdy y’all, 🤠 again. Yes, I didn’t in fact die. I’m sorry though that I kept getting sidetracked and couldn’t submit this until now, my boss decided to keep dumping her work into my lap. So I just wanna preface this by stating that I’m going to try and say what I want to as coherent as possible, but I have pretty severe ADHD so I’m not always as easy to understand as I think I am in my head, and I often go off on tangents, over explain things and circle back to topics randomly without realizing. Im basically going to go over their relationship over the years as I said previously (I’m not gonna go into detail about every single scandal and shitty thing Juliet did over the years, because we’d be here all year. so I figure I won’t cover them here, but rather let people ask specific questions if they want to. Remember, I was present for pretty much everything so feel free to ask.😊), but I’m also going to do kind of a mini deep dive into Andy’s behavior and actions (because although the snakes will hit you with every excuse in the book, and tell you that you’re looking too far into things and that it doesn’t matter, it does. The way a person acts in general and towards people around them is very relevant when talking about someone’s health, happiness, and well-being.) To start off, let’s take it all the way back to the time before Juliet’s reign of terror, when Andy and Scout were still together. In all honesty from what I saw of them together (and I saw pretty much everything they posted, I’m only a year younger than Andy, and I was quite into him when he was on MySpace and such, and I always watched anything with him and Scout together because they were fucking adorable lol) they had a really healthy relationship. Not once did I get weird vibes from them. The way Andy acted toward and with Scout, you could tell they really loved each other and were happy together. They had nothing to prove. It just was normal. (For any of you who are younger, or didn’t come into the picture until Andy was already post-scout and would like to see some videos of them together, you could generally search on YouTube for it, but also there’s a specific channel on there called like bring the milk tea or something that has videos of old Andy blogs and also Andy and scout on stickam and such. Worth a look if you’re curious) They weren’t constantly all over each other like possessive pack dogs *ahem Juliet ahem* and whenever Andy mentioned scout he didn’t need to shower her in compliments. They both seemed very secure in both themselves and the relationship. Super cute. Initially when they broke up it seemed quite odd. I didn’t really expect it. It got even weirder when he states that he and Juliet are together. It didn’t feel like they fit together at all (and no I’m not talking about from a fame or success perspective. At least not yet lol) As I’ve said I got bad vibes from Juliet right from the get go. Andy already seemed to be acting not like himself. (Also snakeys have argued that it’s just that he’s more mature now and that’s why he acts nervous and constantly looks Ike he wants to die. 🙄 maturity doesn’t mean losing your fucking personality and being unhappy most of the time. Jesus Christ.) it seemed like they got possessive of each other and constantly needed to show people how in love they were. Pictures, videos, and fucking public love paragraphs to show they are, in fact, in a super real relationship and they love each other. It also felt like Andy’s family was in on this whole weird charade.They (Chris honestly) started to defend her degenerate behavior and attack anyone who had even a whisper of negative things to say about her or their relationship. It was like watching a group of awkward, pretty mediocre actors put on a play about them being together. (I’ve hit the text limit now, but there will be more that I will write just after I submit this one though, fear not haha. N, you can either post this now or wait until I submit the rest, it’s up to you.) 1 / ? -🤠

A/N: i was here for a lot of it as well so i do remember some of this. although i did join the fandom shortly after him and juliet got together (i joined like around the time she was on the voice) i literally remember hoping that him and scout would get back together bc juliet just rubbed me the wrong way and i didn't know why at the time. & side note i actually do recommend people go look at old videos of andy and scout they were really adorable. there is this one video of them singing (i think a carrie underwood song lol) in the car and it's really cute. but yeah just bc he's older doesn't mean his whole entire personality changes. you can be any age and act however you want. i could even use jenna marbles & julien solomita (a youtube couple) as an example, they've been together for i think like 8 or 9 years and are about the same age as A&J (julien being around andy's age & jenna around juliet's age) & although they can have mature adult conversations and all of that, they still act like idiots and joke around together. neither of them look uncomfortable or are afraid of saying certain things like andy is around juliet. so andy aging doesn't mean shit in regards to his personality doing a 180.

🤠okay, so part two here we go. (Also I apologize if I get the chronological order of anything I talk about incorrect, I’m a bit scattered sometimes and the next ask I make will be the one where I talk about the domestic abuse and I tend to get quite heated, which only makes my brain function worse lol) so the point at which Andy was trying to get fans to go vote for/ support Juliet when she was on the voice seemed really fishy. I’m all for supporting the work of the people you love, but it’s kinda strange how hard Andy was pushing this at the time. Too hard in my opinion. I’m obviously aware that it was helpful in the end and he more or less got what he was asking for. But it was like he absolutely needed people to vote for her. As if he would get in trouble if they didn’t. So around 2012 or 2013 it felt like things really went down the shitter from there and just got progressively worse. (I never knew why for the longest time, but after they revealed that Vegas wedding that happened in about that time frame, it made a lot of sense.) Andy’s behavior began to change towards his fans. There are a lot of accounts of this happening from fans themselves and a lot of people said that 1. It was worse with Juliet around, and 2. a lot of the time it would happen towards females especially. ( I think more towards the “pretty” fans but don’t count me on that, I don’t know for sure.) This was completely night and day. Especially coming from the same man who used to always defend his fans and once stated something along the lines of he would never have a crazy or awkward fan story because he loves and is grateful for all of his fans and he won’t get upset if they’re just really excited. I would understand if these fans crossed the line in some way (like the later incident of fans finding his address and harassing them, which is unacceptable no matter who the people are) but from most if not all of the fan stories I’ve heard, they didn’t. They were being respectful and didn’t do anything to warrant this happening to them besides showing up. Which brings me to my next point, a lot of these negative experiences were caused by Juliet. Either she was the one being mean to people, she was causing Andy to be mean to people on her behalf, or her presence was upsetting Andy to the point that he was angry and started being rude and irritable. What scares me the most are the accounts of Andy having a whole Jekyll and Hyde thing, depending on weather or not Juliet was present. Happy when he’s free of her and miserable when he isn’t. In videos of him where Juliet is behind the camera he always seems nervous and strange. Like he’s afraid to mess up. That’s fucking alarming to say the least. You would think that the last thing one would want to do if another person brings them this much anger, stress, and anxiety, the LAST thing they would want to do is fucking marry them. Right? He literally started barely smiling at one point and really doesn’t anymore. I mean for Christ’s sake look at his wedding photos. What’s suppose to be one of the happiest moments of your life and to quote another anon with a different ask, he looks like he’s being dragged to the gallows. (And I get really fucking Angry honestly when snakeys tries to pass it off as “oh he’s awkward he doesn’t know how to smile” or “omg he’s being dramatic for the aesthetics” in some pictures, yes. But why the fuck would you look like that in pictures with the “love of your life” who you now regularly write cringy paragraphs publicly professing your love and complete adoration for? Andy knows how to smile genuinely. Ffs he used to. He smiled genuinely when he was a kid, he smiled genuinely with scout, and he smiled genuinely when Juliet wasn’t around. He doesn’t smile when she is there, and if he does, it is pretty much always visibly fake.) So I may backtrack a little later, but right now I want to talk about the fact that Juliet IS an abuser. More specifically, the plane incident. (Word limit. TBC.) 2 / ? -🤠

A/N: yes. 100%. when it comes to the wedding photos i will never understand people (specifically snakeys) writing off his behavior as him "just being dramatic for the aesthetics". is that something he would do in photoshoots? yeah. is it something he may do on stage? sure. something he would do in an interview? maybe. but candid shots of him on one of the "happiest days of his life"? wtf no. & idk why people think that.

🤠 Just before I start, again, with the pictures, I really don’t think that Andy is enough of a self absorbed egotistical dick that he would actually sit there and put on the whole “miserable tough guy” act in every fucking photo he takes. Ah yes, the infamous plane incident. So straight up, Juliet exposed herself as an abuser, and brought out every bullshit excuse in the book (and made Andy go along with them) to try to cover it up. 1. She was drunk. Honestly this is total bullshit. I say this same thing when people defend cheating or any other degenerate behavior with the excuse of intoxication and I will say it now. Being drunk does not make you a different fucking person. It does not change the thoughts in your head. What it does do is impair your ability to make decisions and judgement skills in general. It’s the same reason why people drive drunk. It’s routine. Its what they would normally do. And because they’re drunk, they can’t see any reason why they shouldn’t do that. Juliet gets drunk, she and Andy fight, she wants to hit him, and because she’s drunk she doesn’t think that she shouldn’t fucking put her hands on him. 2. She hit him in “self defense” and he broke her ribs.(There’s several points I have debunking this) first of all let’s get this out of the way, no one on that plane (including the very real witness who just so happened to be an adult film actress (I think?) who you so love to discount because of it) saw him strike her or even touch her at any time. Two, you are in fucking airplane seats sitting right the fuck next to each other with an armrest in between. It would be pretty fucking hard to break your ribs unless they were made of actual glass, or Andy’s real name is Bruce fucking banner. Bones are surprisingly strong and I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that it’d be damn near impossible for him to do that to you, which brings me to three, if he had broken your ribs you would not be fucking standing up, thrashing around, whining like a little bitch, and oh by the way, continuing to abuse your husband for the second time on that flight. Four, you had a miscarriage. (When I was trying to conceive with my husband it was very difficult. I had two miscarriages before I finally had my son. I’m fully aware of how devastating having one is.) which is why if you are not lying (which I fully believe that Juliet would stoop that low just to get sympathy, especially with this big of a scandal. But I don’t actually have proof of this so I will say that it is just speculation on my part) I don’t fucking care. I am not unsympathetic to her if this did actually happen as I said, however, You do not get to make any excuse for putting your hands on another person out of anger. Ever. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what kind of stress you are under, I don’t care if you are inebriated in any way and I sure as hell don’t care what the fuck you have between your legs. You do not hurt anyone. Point blank period. Five. You are a woman, you can’t hurt him. This one, actually enrages me. We all know your crusty ass pulled this one out (and threw around trump supporters a few times for good measure) because you know damn well how society and the media views and deals with abusive women. Women can abuse. Women who are shorter or weaker than their target can abuse. The fact that there are people who either don’t know that or don’t agree with that is absolutely baffling. Six. The same (I believe) porn actress. Literally saw you beating your own face with the restraints you had to be put in (which by the way flight attendants only ever use restraints as an absolute last resort when someone becomes a danger to the others on board, so she had to be acting absolutely deranged) to give yourself a bloody nose to claim Andy hit you. Then you proceed to act like a child and tell Andy to call your fucking dad. (Which kinda proves that whole Scientology thing honestly) what in the hell. I stg as long as I am breathing I will never let this go. This is actual fucking domestic abuse. (Word limit TBC.) 3 / ? -🤠

A/N: yeah her hitting him "bc she was drunk" was never a good excuse not only for the reasons you mentioned but, also bc let's be real at no point are you ever going to get served enough alcohol on a plane to make you that drunk i don't care what anyone says. also when it comes to the excuse of him "breaking her ribs" does she forget that andy actually did break his ribs a while ago? i think she even visited him when he was recovering so she should know what kind of pain he was in. & if he actually broke her ribs, there's no way she would have even been able to stand bc i know andy sure wasn't able to. he said it was one of the most painful things he's experienced. (i don't think i need to comment on the rest of this. it would just be redundant. you hit the nail on the head with that.)

🤠 I don’t care if it happened just that one time ore more likely is an everyday occurrence. Abuse is abuse and should never be tolerated. Kind of getting away from the plane thing. Andy always seems, as it’s been said on here before, afraid to mess up. Like he might mess up, and make her mad. A common behavioral pattern in abuse victims. He also at this point and for a decent amount of time before, doesn’t seem like he loves her anymore. Like he keeps up appearances and pretends, but it’s like it’s a job he’s forced to do. He’s tired and burnt out but was probably manipulated into staying and juliet is probably clinging for dear life. Also I don’t know if I’m the only one who thinks this, but I swear, the veganism and sobering up was just a cover up, most likely formed by either Juliet herself or her fucked up family, after the plane incident to hide their tracks and regain some public favor (because you know, if you advocate for animal rights then you can’t abuse your husband 🙃) Andy never gave a shit before though. Even though it was unhealthy he loved to drink and smoke and was very outspoken about that. And he used to never give a fuck about eating meat or consuming animal products like leather. I mean they’re still selling leather goods ffs. I would get having minor fuck ups because you don’t know any better, but it’s fucking leather. And now Andy is unhealthy and miserable as ever, but the culprit is malnourishment and Juliet rather than cigs, alcohol, and Juliet. My final thoughts: I do definitely believe in the Scientology theory, but if not that than I definitely believe that Andy was and is being manipulated for his fame. On several occasions it really looked like they broke up, including the time when they did, and then said it was a joke. It really doesn’t feel normal. Also, Juliet doesn’t really care about Andy that much. She never wears her wedding ring, she sells all their shit, including sentimental items, and now that she’s gained more popularity from being with him, suddenly doesn’t want to put him in her bio or write him the same creepy ass paragraphs or anything. It’s fucked up how shes so keen to say she did it all herself when really she’s been riding dick for fame since before she even met Andy. It also always kinda seemed to me that Amy was kind of uncomfortable around Juliet. We all know that Chris loves to kiss her ass night and day (most likely to do with the Scientology thing “if” it’s true), but Juliet and Amy always seemed to have a weird relationship like it was tense and forced. Also I just want to mention the time that Juliet talked about screaming at the woman over what I believe was a game night and brushed it off as being competitive and no one gave damn. Fucked up. To finish off this already way too long little series, I think Andy is a very vulnerable insecure person who got manipulated by several people (not just Juliet) some of whom he probably really trusted, and they helped to get him in Juliet’s (equally if not more insecure) hands so she could hurt him as she pleases. I truly hope that even now both he, and his parents (even though Chris really grinds my gears) can get out of this whole shit show, relatively unscathed. I know this is probably pretty unlikely, but hope springs eternal I guess. As I said feel free to ask any questions you may have and I will try to answer them best I can. Thank you for reading. 4 / 4 -🤠

A/N: yet again you hit the nail on the head with this part so i don't need to comment too much. other than the fact that i do agree that juliet and amy's relationship does seem weird.

[writingblackpink]

Home for the Holidays

genre: so much fluff

word count: 3.5k

pairing: jisoo x reader

you bring Jisoo home for the holidays for the first time.

A/N: there’s so much fluff I think I got a cavity writing this idk....anyway, like always, let me know what you think! Enjoy :)

-

Snow settled against your windshield silently before melting away as you drove through the streets. There was just enough snow on the ground to cover the grass, making for a perfect white Christmas. Christmas music played softly from the radio as you passed house after house dressed up in twinkling lights and holiday displays. 

You always loved being home for the holidays. When you were younger, that meant helping your parents with the party set-up and welcoming family from all over to stay for the week, making your home and your heart feel full and warm. Hearing laughter and happy conversation through the halls made your heart feel so full that sometimes you thought it would burst. In the best way, of course. 

As you grew older and went off to college, coming home for the holidays was a respite from your “new” life. You loved all of the new experiences you were encountering and you cherished all you learned during your time away, but there was something in the familiarity of being back home that gave you a chance to rest and recharge with those you loved the most. 

For the last few years, it’s just been you. You’ve been ok with coming back home alone, but you always knew something was missing. Getting older alongside your relatives and seeing them bring people that were special to them made you long for that same feeling. You wanted to feel as strongly for someone else as you perceived they had also felt.

You had felt that emptiness until now, Jisoo in the passenger seat of your car, heading home for the holidays to meet your family for the very first time. Your family was very open and you knew they would love her just as much as you did, but Jisoo had expressed her nervousness for the holidays in the weeks prior to this day. You had assured her that there was nothing to be worried about and that your family would love her, but you knew there wasn’t much else you could do to quell her lingering fears about the week. 

And now, sitting in the passenger seat of your car, you could sense that nervousness in the way she fidgeted a bit in her seat, in the way she nervously played with your fingers where your hands were intertwined over the center console. 

“Jisoo, are you okay?” you asked, concern in your voice. 

“Mhmm”, she affirmed, nodding slightly. 

In her answer, you knew that she was swimming in her own thoughts and you just wanted to take the pressure off of the situation as best as you could. 

“Jisoo, if you’re not ready for this, we can go somewhere else. Anywhere. I don’t want to force you to do anything you’re not ready for.”  

“No,” she took a deep breath as she looked over at you, your eyes glued to the road, “I’m ready for this. It’s just a little nerves, I’ll survive.” 

And she squeezed your hand where it sat to reassure you that everything was okay and she would be fine. You squeezed back in acknowledgement. 

A half an hour later, you were pulling into the driveway of your childhood home. You made many memories in this house, even in this driveway. As you looked out the window at the snow-covered yard, you thought back to every winter when the neighbor kids would come over to sled down the hill in your front yard, or all of the impromptu snowball fights your family had in this very spot. These memories were burned into your brain like a novel you read over and over, but it was time for a new chapter with a new person. 

Clearing your throat, you brought yourself back to your present, with Jisoo waiting patiently in her seat for your next move. 

“Welcome home.” rang out softly from your lips as you gently leaned over and placed the softest kiss against her lips. While it wasn’t your current home, you hoped that Jisoo could see it as much of a second home, at the very least, as you have.

Jisoo smiled back at you while you reached for one of your bags, rummaging through to find what you were looking for. 

“Ah, here they are. Since it’s Christmas Eve I packed us some Christmas cheer!” You said as you enthusiastically pulled out two nips of Fireball. Neither of you were really fond of the liquor, but you hoped that this would at least help calm some of Jisoo’s nerves. 

“I know you’re nervous, so before we go in I thought we could have a little something that could help take the edge off?” You handed her a tiny bottle, and she grabbed it quickly, screwing off the lid and promptly downing the shot before you could even get yours out of your bag. 

Following her lead, you downed yours quickly, feeling the alcohol burn all the way down your chest, warming you up in the car that was getting increasingly colder ever since you cut the engine just minutes ago. You coughed, trying to rid yourself of the urge to gag.

“How many of those did you bring?” Jisoo questioned, attempting to peer over to catch a glimpse into your bag. 

“Uh, well I have a few more, but let’s get inside before we get too crazy. You haven’t even met the family yet.” She rolled her eyes at you and you chuckled. 

You ran around the car to open the door for Jisoo before moving to grab your bags out of the back of the car. Walking hand in hand to the front door, you gave hers another squeeze and a reassuring smile. 

Stopping before ringing the doorbell, you looked over one last time at Jisoo, silently asking if she was still alright. With a silent smile and nod, you dropped a bag so your free hand could ring the doorbell while your other hand remained locked with Jisoo’s. 

You took a deep breath as you heard someone shifting the locks around on the other side of the door. As the door swung open, you were slightly relieved to see your little brother greet you first. 

“Y/N! Welcome back home!” He exclaimed as he stepped forward and took you in his arms, wrapping you up tightly like you had just returned from war. He seemed stronger than you remember. You made a mental note to ask him about his lifting regimen these days. Stepping back, you straightened out your sweater as you reclaimed your spot next to Jisoo. 

“Daniel, this is Jisoo, my girlfriend.” 

And to your surprise, and Jisoo’s as well, he moved forward to give her a suffocating hug too. 

“Ah, yes, Jisoo!” He exclaimed. “I’ve heard so much about you!” 

He lowered his voice just so Jisoo could hear, “It’s an honor to meet the woman who makes my sister so happy.” 

And he left it at that as he pulled away before she had a chance to respond, telling you that your parents were making one last grocery run before the party was set to start in an hour. Jisoo’s expression looked a little surprised, but you didn’t know if it was from the hug or something else your brother said, and you didn’t ask. At that, you took Jisoo’s hand and dragged her up to your old room to drop off your bags and get settled in for the next few days. 

Opening the door sent you back in time a few years. Everything in your room was exactly as you left it years ago, your parents not moving anything as they hoped you would be back. The posters from your favorite bands as a child still hung along the walls, and the polaroids you took with your friends throughout the years sat pinned to a bulletin board. 

“Woooow,” Jisoo said, pulling out the syllable, “your room is like a time capsule.” 

You watched from your sitting position on your bed as she walked along the length of your dresser, looking at some of the photos in frames scattered across the top and brushing her fingers over some trinkets you had from when you were younger. 

“Yeah, I guess my parents never really needed the extra space when I left so they just left everything as-is.” 

“Your childhood room looks exactly how I imagined how it would look.” 

Your eyebrows raised at that comment. 

“Oh really? And how’s that?”

Jisoo paused, still looking through the photos on your dresser while responding. She hummed. 

“You were into boy bands and friendship bracelets. You probably were friends with all the popular people, but had no interest in being one of them. Vanilla.”

Jisoo turned and walked over to you slowly, moving to straddle you at your position on the bed. 

Although she was right, you to be shocked and gasped. 

“Jisoo, did you just call me a vanilla?” Jisoo’s gaze zeroed in on your lips. 

“Maybe, but I love it.” 

“And I love you.”

Wrapping her arms around you, she leaned in for a deep kiss, which led to another kiss which led to another and soon you lost track of time in her lips, only briefly opening your eyes to steal a glance at the clock on the wall to see that there was only fifteen minutes before guests would be arriving. 

“Jisoo….we have to…..get ready…..to go back….downstairs,” you managed to push out against her lips in between kisses, although you were reluctant to stop. 

She gave you one last peck before pulling away and whispering an almost silent “I love you” before jumping off your lap and moving to get her bags settled as you headed to the bathroom to freshen up. 

Walking back into the room, you were met with Jisoo in the middle of downing another shot she had stolen from your bag. 

“Jisoo!” 

She whipped around, empty bottle in her hand, and face plastered with faux guilt, cheeks warm and red and not just from the alcohol. 

“Sorry?” She shrugged her shoulders, and when she saw you weren’t convinced, she continued. 

“Listen, I’m fine. I’m more than fine.” She walked forward to take your hands in hers, moving in closely. You could still smell the alcohol on her breath as she spoke. 

“I feel great. I’m with you. Everything is going to be okay.” 

“Jisoo, shouldn’t I be the one reassuring you right now?” 

In lieu of an answer, she wrapped her arms around your waist, resting her head just below your chin and swaying slightly. If what she wanted was a moment of calm before the party, you were more than happy to give it to her, folding in to her every want. 

“You are. More than you know,” she said against your chest, pausing before adding, “the liquid courage is also helping.”

Before you knew it, you had lost track of time again, only being brought back when your brother sent a soft knock ringing through your room, letting you know that guests were arriving downstairs. 

Giving Jisoo one last look over, you took her hand in yours, giving it one last squeeze. You couldn’t help but notice how each strand of her hair flowed down past her shoulders, perfectly in place. You smiled at her rosy cheeks. You don’t think you’d ever get tired of this sight.

“Alright, showtime.” you mumbled and turned to head downstairs. 

You introduced Jisoo to your parents first and both of you were received with warm hugs and excited voices, happy to have the house full this holiday, and happy that you had a smile on your face. Your mom offered Jisoo a glass of wine, and she accepted while you declined, citing not “being a wine person” and instead mixing yourself a cocktail at the makeshift bar. 

An hour later, too much food had been had, you and jisoo had made your rounds with the family, and you two were settled on the couch, snuggled closely and watching everyone around you. 

“How are you doing?” 

“Me?” She paused, droopy eyes shifting to meet yours. You could tell that she had slipped in a few more drinks throughout the night. “I’m...great. Your family is….so cool,” she added with a slow blink and you hugged her closer. Just as you had settled in together on the couch, your moment was interrupted by one of your younger cousins, except they weren’t interested in talking to you. 

“Jisoo!” she squealed, both of you shooting to sit upright. The way Jisoo leaned a little too far to the right made you giggle a little, knowing she was feeling really good. 

“Ye-yeah?” 

“Jisoo come here I want to show you this game we’re playing.” 

And with that, your cousin took your girlfriend’s hand, pulling her off the couch and to the other room where the kids were playing games. You waited a few moments before following, standing in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe and watching Jisoo melt right in with your family. 

You made eye contact from across the room, and she gave you a wink before she put on an exaggerated expression to act interested in whatever the kids were trying to show her. You chuckled at the sight, inevitably thinking of your future with her. Sure you had only been together for just shy of a year, but you could see it all with her; getting married, moving in together, having kids, getting old, and every moment, good or bad, in between. 

A hand on your shoulder brought you out of your daze, and you glanced over your shoulder to find your mother smiling with her gaze fixed on the scene in front of you two. 

Keeping her eyes in that direction, she finally spoke up. 

“Jisoo seems to be fitting in.” 

“Yeah, she seems to be pretty popular with the kids.” you looked back at Jisoo, deeply focused on the game in front of her. Your mom broke her gaze and took in your expression as you smiled in Jisoo’s direction. 

“I mean, she seems to be fitting in here, with us. All of us.” your mom added, and you were slightly stunned that one evening with Jisoo had led to your family’s immediate approval. You don’t know what you had expected, but you definitely thought it would take a little longer for your family to warm up to Jisoo. On the other hand, you weren’t surprised. You knew Jisoo and you knew she could charm anyone she met. Although you did appreciate the validation.

“R-really?” You stuttered out, clearly still surprised at your mother’s words. 

“Yeah, everyone has been singing her praises all night. ‘That Jisoo girl seems nice’, ‘Your daughter looks good with Jisoo’. You know, things of that nature. I’d have to agree.” You both smiled as she paused. 

“You love her, don’t you?”

And you didn’t even have to think before responding. 

“Yeah, I really do.” 

Your mother gestured for you to follow her in response, and you obediently did as she led you to her room where she pulled out a large jewelry box you had never seen before. 

“I was going to wait to give you this until you had found your person,” and your eyes widened as her back was turned to you, still searching through the box. 

“But it seems like you might have already done that so-” she turned around with a smaller box, opening it up to show you the beautiful ring that sat inside. 

You didn’t think it was possible, but your eyes widened exponentially as you realized the implications of this interaction. 

“This was your grandmother’s wedding ring. She wanted you to have it; to be able to give it to whoever you felt was worthy of your love; whoever made you happiest.” She extended her arm to hand you the box. Your eyes felt a little misty, and you knew your voice would crack if you tried to speak, so you settled for stepping in for a warm hug, letting her know wordlessly that you appreciated it more than she knew. 

Pulling away, your mother spoke again. 

“I’m proud of you, you know? Now, let’s get back to the party before people start looking for you.” you laughed and stuffed the small box in your pocket, heading to find Jisoo. 

Except she wasn’t with the kids anymore, and when you asked them where she was they didn’t know, only half paying attention to you and half to the game they were immersed in. So, you weaved your way around the rooms, occasionally being stopped along the way to be asked about life from an aunt or an uncle or cousin. It took almost another twenty minutes to find Jisoo in the party, finding her where you should have checked first: the bar. She seemed immersed in conversation with a relative and you waited for them to part before making your way over to your girlfriend. 

She leaned heavily into your side as you made it over to her. She had a cup in her hand and you could smell the peppermint alcohol on her breath. While still only tipsy, you couldn’t help but think that Jisoo was going to have one killer hangover tomorrow with all of the alcohol mixing she was doing tonight. 

“Hey baby.” She whispered seductively into your ear, giving it a subtle swipe with her tongue, while moving her free hand to grope your ass.

Ok, so you’re not only dealing with tipsy Jisoo, but tipsy and frisky Jisoo. What a combination. 

“OH!” you exclaimed while jumping back and taking her hand on your backside and moving it to your side as you whispered back. 

“Jisoo, we have to keep it PG...children are here.” 

You thought she was adorable when she pouted, so you laughed even though Jisoo did not think not being able to touch you was funny at all. 

“Here, come here.” 

You settled for a compromise, bringing her back to the couch you were settled on earlier, bringing her in close to you. So close that she was almost sitting on you, but at least you knew you could control what she was doing with her hands a little better from this spot. 

It wasn’t long before people started leaving, and you felt Jisoo starting to drift off against your shoulder. You waited for the house to clear out before moving, gently waking Jisoo and wiping the drool off of your shoulder. In her dazed state, she kept her eyes closed as she leaned into you as you walked back to your room. Hitting the stairs seemed to be a problem, as a result of both the alcohol and exhaustion.

“Jisoo, can you walk yourself up the stairs?”

“...Can’t. Too tired. Carry me.” and with that she threw her arms around you. After some maneuvering Jisoo was on your back as you grunted your way up the stairs. You gently placed her on her feet as you entered the room, turning to face her. 

“Jisoo! What the hell?” 

Jisoo seemed to have gained a second wind and had shed her sweater on the way up the stairs. Ignoring you, she tossed it to the side and noticed a silver case in the corner of your room, heading straight for it. 

“Ooooh, what’s this?” She asked excitedly, looking up at you as she opened the case to reveal an old trumpet you used to play. 

“Uh, I used to be in the band…”

She laughed obnoxiously loudly. 

“Of course you were!”

She took it out and tried to blow some notes, failing miserably. You couldn’t help but laugh yourself as you took in Jisoo, shirtless, trying to play Christmas tunes on your old trumpet. 

As she focused on that, you waved her off and headed back downstairs to get some water and ibuprofen for the headache you knew Jisoo would have in the morning. All of the lights were off in the house, everyone seemingly had retreated to their rooms for the night. You couldn’t help but take a moment and glance out the window, snow still falling steadily, silently against the glass. Even more snow sat on the ground now, and it shimmered a bit under the moonlight. 

Thinking back on the night, you couldn’t think of any way it could have gone better. Although Jisoo was nervous, your family embraced her, and her them. You were brought out of your thoughts at the sound of a sharp note coming from your trumpet, opting to quickly gather what you came here for before heading back to your room, hoping no one was startled awake. 

And you couldn’t believe it. It couldn’t have been more than thirty seconds since you heard the trumpet and Jisoo was already passed out on the bed, in nothing but her jeans and a bra. The trumpet in her hands. You placed the glass and the pills on the nightstand, and placed the trumpet back in its case before walking back to the bags and finding an oversized shirt to put Jisoo in, helping her out of her pants. Soon, you crawled into bed, making sure the covers covered both of you, bringing Jisoo closer to your chest. You touched your lips to her hair, murmuring an “I love you” you knew she wouldn’t remember in the morning. This chapter was off to a great start.

[wisteria-lodge]

lion primary + slightly burnt lion secondary (badger secondary model) (bird secondary model)

i hope you’re having an amazing day!! here’s my SHC dilemma:

i know my primary is lion, and it feels a little exploded, at that, but at least i know what’s up. but im still extremely confused about my secondary. i tried looking through other submissions, but i didn’t really find anything i vibed with 100%, but then again i have adhd and im really struggling going through all that text, it just kinda blurs together at some point

so, my secondary. taking the test, i always get burnt, often with a vague hint towards bird. at first i immediately adopted that and decided i was a burnt bird, but the more i go the less that feels right to me and i think it might be some sort of model.

Yeah. “doesn’t feel right.” Definitely see the Lion in your sorting.

working by elimination, im pretty certain im not a snake secondary. that ish doesn’t even sound real to me, i know there are people like this because i know a couple, but it’s just so weird to me that some people are just able to improvise so effectively, and seemingly change themselves like that, and they?? enjoy it?? it does sound dope, like i admire it, but wtf. 

Lion secondaries can get very *does not compute* when trying to get their head around Snake secondaries. I’m considering Lion for you. 

i do act differently in different situations or with different people, but i don’t think i have “personas” as much as degrees of awkwardness 

I see the burnt secondary. You’re definitely talking yourself down here. But the way you talk about “degrees of awkwardness” does make me think about the way Lion secondaries “change faces” by modulating intensity. 

depending on how much my anxiety is acting up, and the more anxious i am, the more i act like a doormat and revert to the proper manners i was taught, but like… that’s not me, and it’s not done on purpose, i don’t enjoy it. 

Looks like somebody’s got an unhealthy Badger secondary model.

it feels gross not to be able to act like myself, whatever the hell that is.

And you didn’t vibe with the Lion descriptions? This is the first time I’m reading though this and… very interested to get to the part where you talk about why you think you’re not a Lion. 

im also convinced im not a bagder - my mother is, and there are a lot of those in my community, so i was raised thinking that was the best way to be, an ideal to work towards, but it’s just not comfortable for me, i don’t wanna do it.

Yeah, this would that  unhealthy Badger secondary model you were talking about. ^

i don’t even think i *can* do it. i mean, “showing up and doing the work” is pretty hard with adhd, and not even the most efficient way of getting stuff done (at least for me), and thinking of the group and what i can do in that group is annoying. also i get that asking for help is important sometimes but it still feels like that’s just admitting i can’t figure out how to do it myself, which, yikes (don’t come at me i know it’s unhealthy)

Hey, breathe. It’s okay. Nobody is going to make you be a Badger secondary. Clearly you’ve spent enough time struggling under the weight of a model that doesn’t suit you, and now you’re pushing back against everything Badger extra hard. 

id rather find a group im a good fit for instead of molding myself to please others. 

See, that’s an exaggerated, caricatured way of conceptualizing how a Badger secondary works… but I’m not surprised that you think about it that way.

whatever i do, it needs to come from me.

… you’ve got a very loud Lion secondary. 

anyway im somewhere between lion and bird, and at first i thought i was a bird because i do in fact fricking love learning everything i can, i wouldn’t naturally call it “collecting”, i’m just doing whatever’s interesting in the moment

You mean you learn by improvising? :) Like a Lion? :) 

but sure, why not - i like collecting languages, knowledge about different cultures, books, music, space, countries, medicine, anything and everything, and i sometimes spend hours researching random stuff that im never actually gonna use “just in case im stranded in the wilderness and need to make soap” you feel? but it’s not actually because i think it might be useful (though i do get random bouts of anxiety over not knowing how to do certain stuff “in case” even though the probability id need them is infinitesimal).

Loving knowledge does not make you a Bird secondary. I’m hearing you talk about about a thing you do for fun, and - this is key - a thing you use as  a mechanism to cope with anxiety. ADHD can sometimes make you feel very scattered, going too fast, and your Bird is giving you [the illusion of] control. And I’m not going to knock that. The illusion of control is important. 

i just like knowing things and being able to use those things to do stuff. i wanna be “that guy” you can come to with the most obscure problem and they’d have some way of dealing with it. doesn’t that sound pretty bird?

Okay. Here’s the deal. You like Bird secondaries. You think they’re cool, and badass. Maybe you’d like to be one. But I’m still not at all convinced you are. I haven’t heard you use it to solve problems. 

but i can’t actually do that stuff. i think i used to, when i was a teenager? but depression and undiagnosed adhd kinda kicked my ass, among a few other things, and now i don’t really have the brain power for it and i feel like im not actually able to learn things as well, or to even think straight.

Wow. That is some burnt secondary talk. I can’t do things. 

(I promise you, people with ADHD have absurd brain power, and can learn things crazy well, although not in the same way as neurotypicals. You are right about not thinking straight, which I am interpreting as “in a straight line.” ADHD people think in webs and corkscrews and I love it.) 

 or if i did, i can’t learn as *many* things as i need to feel accomplished? which idk what you think but it kinda just sounds like burnt bird to me. 

Feeling like the secondary you have isn’t good enough can be a Burnt thing... but feeling like you need to manifest a specific secondary *more* (which is what this feels like) is usually a sign of a model. 

but here’s the thing. all of those sound real nice. and cool. and a good way of doing things, maybe even the “right” way, even though i know that’s subjective. but lion just feels more comfy, and idk if that’s because im a burnt bird modeling lion or if it’s smth else.

… you mean… like being… a Lion?

cause the “collecting skills and knowledge to solve problems” thing sounds cool, but it’s actually more just the first part that i vibe with? the part where i get to learn stuff! but when actually solving problems, i don’t usually think too long, i just vibe. i see where my instinct is taking me and i apply reason *after* that, or like, as a secondary, support thing. im not a dumbass either, im good at puzzles and logic problems, i can totally think things through and use my skills! but that’s not really how i approach problem-solving. i just jump into the situation and see what part of it is closest and start there, or what’s convenient, or what just feels right or nicer or whatever.

This is a perfect description of a Lion secondary with a supportive Bird model. Like a LOT of neurodivergent people (hi!) you built yourself some scaffolding using the Bird toolbox.

and on one hand it could be that im not confident in my skillset enough to do things the bird way, but on the other hand, thinking back to my childhood and teenage years, when i had better executive skills and i wasn’t as completely scatterbrained as i am I now (i was, but not as bad in some ways), i still did this? like, all of my major life decisions where made on the spot based on instinct and nothing else

I’m definitely seeing the Lion primary come though as well. 

whenever i have a problem of the interpersonal sort i just face it and talk to the person and don’t bother hiding or sugarcoating things even if it means hurting that person because i don’t want to lie or come off as something i’m not, when i need to work on a project i don’t bother planning, i just jump in and a strategy forms in an organic way as i go, you know what i mean? isn’t that what this “charging” business means?

Yes.

anyway i have no idea which one is a model and which one is actually mine. i love learning things but i don’t care about actually using them. i mean i like it, of course, but it’s whatever. planning is tedious and it kinda gives me validation because im meant to be “smart” and i guess planning is what smart people do, but it’s annoying and nothing ever goes exactly to plan anyway so you just have to pause and plan again or whatever, and that’s just so boring and frustrating??

I get that you like Bird secondaries, and I get that the picture of “smart person” in your head looks like a Bird secondary but just like… come on…

why not just do the damn thing?? and then what you have to do will be obvious anyway?? and sure, if you planned ahead, maybe you’d already know what you need to do and you’d have prepared it and you’d do it better, but who’s got the time for that?? i can’t use my brain like that! i need to live the thing before it actually feels real enough for me to think about solving it.

I have never read anything more Lion secondary in my entire goddamn life.

i hope this actually made sense and i gave enough relevant information, my head kinda feels jumbled right now. i mean it makes sense to me but i don’t know how this reads from an outside perspective. maybe i should have planned this like an essay or whatever lmao

thanks a lot for answering these & running this blog!!! it’s dope and you give really good insights and you’re just a super cool person!

<3 <3 <3 

[skypied]

First fic of yours that comes to mind, go! Talk about it! Gimme snippet!!

*screams in fear and drops all my scattered google docs on the ground*

(don’t get ur hopes up too much I’m using this as an excuse to talk process bc I don’t have snippies sowwieeee)

I'm kind of uuuuh in a weird place where I do have several wips that I know where are going and I know I can finish in a productive night or two, it’s just about sitting down and doing it. (And most of them I’ve shared from before, or are too short to be any point in sharing from, ehe)

But recently I've managed to... idk, free myself from some of the hopes and expectations I have of myself that have been holding me back? Hard to explain but I get stuck in weird mental labyrinths that honestly from the outside makes little sense. It's littered with tiny obstacles of logic like plot or characterization but is actually really about this weird chip on my shoulder that I want to write 1) a bigger story and 2) something Meaningful. But it's completely stopped my brain from being able to do Anything.

So now I'm like. Unless something appears in my brain that I just have to chase, I'm forcing myself to just write simple things I want to and not stress about what it is or if it’s going to become anything at all. Kind of just. Getting back to fic just being for fun and a nice sunny distraction from the desolate hellscape that is winter.

which is why my recent rabbit hole is writing throwaway scenes from some sort of modern human AU where the boys are in a long distance almost-relationship because it just removes all the logistical problems I run into. No wondering about how accepted sea monsters really are, or how their transformations work, or whether they'd actually live their lives on land or not; no wondering about what would actually be best for them wrt living and working or studying where or when; no fretting about whether to incorporate the existential dread about being queer in that time period; no vaguely bad conscience over how little research I'm willing to do to build a compelling world.

Just dumb teenage boys texting in class and mourning Alberto's phone (which he dropped overboard bc Luca sent him nudes) by sending F in the chat, and Daniela wondering if her son sells his used underwear online, and Luca getting stuck in shame spirals browsing cute brunette twinks on Instagram and being sure Alberto's just playing with him and worrying if he's too easy for being head over heels with this guy he had a summer fling with.

Just pure fucking dumbassery to utilize all the stupid memes that live in my brain rent free. And that's what makes it nice and fun aaaand I’m not gonna share anything yet bc I’m enjoying just fooling around with it and seeing what happens! It’s fun though and somehow it will prooooobably find it’s way into the world, just need time to figure out what it is, even if that might just be some fragmented scenes 🎉 i’ve literally only been working on it for three days so it’s still early!