#easy choice for getting to know more about any thing educational choice might be help full

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

The Arcana HCs: What M6 get from their parents

~ for the Vesuvia Weekly prompt, "I see where you got it from"! ~

Julian

For someone who's never claimed to be a sailor, he sure spends a lot of time at sea and dreaming about future boats

It's much less surprising when he starts talking about the few hazy memories he has of being the oldest son of merchant parents. His early childhood was spent playing above and below decks

Which explains his specific brand of wanderlust pretty well. Instead of it being a boredom with the mundane or a fear of commitment, it's this deep sense of himself as a global citizen

He's happiest in marketplaces and finding his family among odd groups of people from all over the world, what can he say??

Not to mention his "if I can't find what I need here, maybe I just need to try somewhere else" mentality when it comes to problem solving. Need more education? Time to visit a new country!

It would make sense for his natural aptitude with learning new languages, forming quick connections, and creating collaborations to have come from fairly successful merchant parents as well

Whether that's also where he got his godawful cooking skills from, or whether that's just a "him" thing, remains up for debate

Asra

You learned it pretty quickly after meeting them - you know exactly where that constant, almost insatiable curiosity comes from

That, and the tendency to have a new thought, forget the current conversation, and trail off into disjointed mumbles as said thought gets rapidly unpacked and explored from several angles

If Salim is who Asra gets his brain from, Aisha is where he got his spirit. That stubborn hope and determined dedication to care for who he loves? He got that from the women who looked the Devil dead in the eye and told him to leave her child alone or else

You can also see a lot of the way Asra relates to you in the way their parents relate to each other. It's that easy, intuitive comfort of shedding pretenses from the get go and embracing uniqueness

Why bother trying to show off what you're good at, when you could try something new together instead? Sure they could give you a tour of their gate - or Salim could give his experimental magic a test run now that you're around to help out!

Not to mention how all three of them seem to know healing magic

And they all love a good cup of tea

Nadia

She could spend hours telling you exactly how unlike her sisters and parents she is, but let's be real. Satrinava genes are strong and you could pick one out of a crowd any day

The intelligence levels she couldn't hide if she tried? Check

The absolute perfection of her fashion choices? Check

The habit she can't turn off of looking not just at you but through you with a kind of perceptive, piercing gaze that has no intention of telling you what she's figuring out about you? Also check

(Seriously, every member of her family does it nonstop and at this point you're wondering if you should just give up all your secrets)

The tendency to approach any problem or conflict by openly stating her own opinion/perspective first? Check

The down-to-earth openmindedness that you have to actually talk to her to discover? Check. Nazali seems to be the one exception, but you're pretty sure that's after years of traveling around

The immediate need to take responsibility for whatever's going on, or more accurately, going wrong? Check

Somehow always smells nice? Check

Muriel

There was a lot about Muriel that you thought was "just Muriel" until you made that trip South together and saw all the subtle ways he became more grounded in himself

Nobody's concerned about taking up too much space in vast tundra. No wonder he always seemed to feel cramped

It also seemed a bit counterintuitive for such a minimalist furnace of a man to own a veritable pile of furs until you walked into Khamgalai's hut. He might not remember it, but he probably spent his first few years wrapped and dressed in them

Not to mention his tendency to fill his space with earthy, herbal smells to the point of carrying pouches of it with him. There were dried foraged plants all over the rafters there

What eventually came to be one of his strongest ties, though, was his craftsmanship. How someone who disliked frivolous things did so much detail was beyond you, until you saw those tapestries

And, of course, the remnants of years of nomadic movement in his need to spend hours at a time outside every day, keeping a steady pace through the forest to assure himself that all is well

Portia

This didn't spring out at you from her the way it did from her brother, but Portia has a capacity for dramatics that she does a deviously excellent job of downplaying

Sure, she seems considerably better adjusted and grounded than he does, and sure, her tendency to compensate for the unique needs of her loved ones shows up in being hypercompetent

But you're certain at this point that at least one of her parents was a hell of an actor/dramatist. You've watched how easily she can put on whatever face she needs to accomplish what she wants

Not to mention the love of stories and art of storytelling. You know you're at a Devorak gathering when both you and half the other people in the area are totally drawn in to a fond memory retelling

You can also see the makings of traveling merchants in her job as Vesuvia's ambassador. It's almost scary how easily she makes herself at home spending months at sea, going place to place

And both scary and awe-inspiring when she finds herself locked in negotiations. Whether with a marketplace stall owner, or a stubborn noble with an import she wants, she's indomitable

Lucio

Honestly, beyond their physical similarities, it's pretty hard at first to see all the ways in which Lucio takes after his mother

They're both such strong products of their environment. Morga is stern, stonefaced, and (to put it bluntly) stingy, but she takes accountability beyond her means and always faces hard choices

Lucio is the opposite. Loud, expressive, flamboyant, unconcerned with discipline or rules, terrified of hard choices or accountability, and (when he's not under duress) generous to a fault

The first place you saw it? Their dismissiveness, unfortunately

As soon as it's not something they understand or relate to, they both lose interest in talking about it and tend to be quick to brush it aside, often without pausing to consider other's feelings first

Not to mention how quickly both of them jump to using aggression to express themselves. You can tell it's got a whole lot more to do with how intensely they feel things than any bad intentions

But the trait you learn they share most is what you take the longest to notice: quiet, unassuming protection as a subconscious love language. They'll always keep watch when you're vulnerable

[blushcoloreddreams]

Feminism is bad for you

You might identify with it because of their beautiful ideals, or because it says it takes care of your pains in a different way, but you can know a tree by it’s fruits

Observe what feminism do to women… they get uglier, they tend to fight more with their father, mother, relatives, friends and husband, they can’t have a normal conversation without it becoming a fight…

they become the worst version of themselves without realizing that the ideal of feminism is not the wellbeing of women, it’s political control

I know you will say that feminism is necessary to fight for equality, that I can only make this post because of feminism, that I can only vote, study or work because of feminism

And I know you will say that feminism is necessary to fight for equality, That I can only make this post today because of feminism, That I can only vote and study because of feminism... But... what if this is all a big lie they told you?

If you study other sources that are not feminist - because yes, believe me - there are other sources... you will see that the story is not exactly what the films portray...

When feminists asked Celina Guimarães, the first woman to vote in Brazil, how she had achieved something so important and representative, she said: "I didn't do anything! I'm grateful and I owe all of this exclusively to my late husband, who was excited about women's participation in Brazilian politics”

You constantly see celebrities telling some lies like that - that women couldn't study and everything, but no one asks exactly why...

The truth is that ancient schools aimed to prepare men for military service, which is why boys were degraded and beaten, often deprived of food to prepare them for war, while girls were educated by their mothers at home or by the Catholic church in order to spare them from rigid male training.

Another lie is that women gained the right to work... but women have always worked, working has always been a question of survival... Traditionally women always were midwives, healers, weavers and overall helped their families with agriculture, trading and crafting. Not needing to work has ALWAYS been a privilege exclusive to upper class women contrary to what feminists tell you. But when men went to war they were forced to work outside, not as a matter of choice, but because it was work or die.

In truth, for most of history the majority of men were illiterate and didn’t have access to education either. In England, for example, education only became compulsory in 1880. Voting and politics also weren’t rights given freely to all men. In Ancient Athens democracy only a small amount of people (only free men whose parents were both Athenian could vote - all that expecting military participation in exchange). In post independence United States only white landowners could vote, in Brazil only after 1985 adults who were illiterate won the right to vote. The main point is, it’s easy to say that women throughout history were abused and discriminated soon if you always compare them to the top 1% instead of the average male when in reality they have been mostly dealing with the same issues and treatment

By believing things like taking care of children and educating them, preparing food and taking care of the house is not work you are just conforming to the paradox of seeing these tasks as lesser things while agreeing to pay thousands to outsource these tasks.

There have always been abusive relationships at any time - but they are not the majority. This image you have that women all suffered at the hands of men is an image distorted by history books after the Communist revolution and promoted by the media to influence and dominate the minds of the masses. When you believe this you will slowly make choices that destroy your life and make you an irresponsible victim dependent on the State. You don't need to believe me, look around you - a tree is known by its fruit

[twistedwonderlandimaginesblog]

https://at.tumblr.com/twistedwonderlandimaginesblog/hi-could-i-please-the-dorm-leaders-reactions-when/ig9u1thr34hy

Hello! Can you please write this, but with vice leaders (with Ruggie included and with Floyd instead of Ortho) ? Thank you ❤️

Floyd Leech: 

You handled yourself quite well but that didn’t mean Floyd could just let the issue rest. He has to wonder if the person who flipped your skirt only had half a brain, because in most places Floyd’s reputation preceded him. He had made it all too clear that you were an item, and yet this person had still decided to touch you? He drags the man to you shaking like a leaf, holding them up in front of you and demanding a sincere apology (one that he’ll make him repeat if he doesn’t find it sincere enough).

Jade Leech:

Jade knows he puts out a bit of a different picture than his brother, but he didn’t realize that people had such little respect for him that they didn’t fear his abilities properly. He’d love to make your attacker something a little more subtle but he wants it known you’re under his protection, should they make another foolish move like that again. He’s not above using Azul’s pull on Crowley to get any punishment on your end wiped, hoping to also make the punishment on your harasser that much more extreme.

Jamil Viper: 

To Jamil it sounded like someone abusing their power over you, especially if it was a senpai who had rudely invaded your privacy. He understood just how frustrated you were with getting punished, as it seemed like people could never retaliate without seeming ‘just as bad as the aggressor’. Jamil is firmly on your side, using his unique magic to make them grovel on their hands and knees in front of you. The humiliation they suffer is enough for him to feel like they got their just desserts, and he hoped you felt the same.

Lilia Vanrouge:

Life had taught him a fair few things, and one of those things was that there wasn’t always justice served where it was due. He agreed that the kick was deserved as who knew what might happen next if you hadn’t defended yourself, taking the situation rather seriously (when you thought he might making it feel a little more light-hearted for the sake of helping you move on). He decided to speak to that person and make it clear the effect they had on you, coming off as if he’s educating them; while there is some food for thought in Lilia’s words there’s also an underlying threatening aura that is daring them to try something like that with you again.

Rook Hunt: 

Rook isn’t one to resort to violence as his first line of defense, but it’s not possible for him to simply ignore what had happened to you. Especially if you confided in him about your fears and frustrations, it was simply not something Rook could let go. He’ll take what seemed to be a more passive route where he’s ‘hunting’ the person down, committing their schedule to heart and appearing around every corner they turned for the next month. The threat is a subtle one but he has them begging you for forgiveness, asking to call your guard dog off so their life could continue.

Ruggie Bucchi:

Ruggie can’t help but snicker when you first tell him about the incident, knowing that the other dude had it coming more likely than not. Hearing the reason behind you striking back makes it far less funny, and he finds a sour taste remained in his mouth when he thought about it. He had a way of making things happen, unfortunate things, and he knew his unique magic could take care of your harasser in no time. He might have to get permission from Leona before doing anything too crazy, but as long as he covered his tracks he’s sure his dorm leader is willing to turn a blind eye.

Trey Clover:

Trey is a man of opportunity. In the moment when you’re confiding in him about your troubles, he’ll focus on comforting you. It’s not an easy situation to be in and he empathizes with the choices you had to make, and how you feel like the other party didn’t get in nearly enough trouble. He won’t actively seek revenge for you but if the chance ever presented itself, allowing Trey to get rather underhanded, he would take the opportunity.

[cyborg-empress]

A Type One Diabetic's List of No-Nos for Non-Diabetics

This is a guide for non-diabetics to better understand what NOT to do when interacting with type 1 diabetics. This is meant for educational purposes and is based on my opinion and experience. If any T1Ds want to add their own suggestions, feel free!

(Note: The things on this list probably somewhat apply to type two diabetics too, I just have no experience with that so I can't comment.)

Dear non-diabetics, please:

Don't make insensitive jokes. Saying stuff about "getting diabeetus" because you're eating too much junk food is really annoying and simply not how it works. Yes, my friends and I make dumb diabetes jokes, but that's because they've talked to me and know I enjoy specific types of jokes.

Don't act like it's my fault/choice. I didn't get diabetes because I did anything wrong. Nothing about my lifestyle caused me to get diabetes. I was born with it. Implying otherwise really pisses me off, especially if you act like somehow I deserve this.

Don't touch my tech. Please don't touch any of my diabetes technology without my permission. It's literally attached to me!

Don't ask for/steal my food. I'm totally open to sharing snacks, but not after I've counted the carbs and not if I'm eating it because I'm low! In other words, I might need that food for my health, so please don't take it!

Don't pity me and treat me like I'm less capable. I'm not. I can do everything you can do. Yes, the disease sucks. I appreciate empathy and you can totally be mad at it with me, but please, no pity. Just be understanding if I'm struggling or having a bad diabetes day.

Don't compare the things I don't eat because of my diabetes to your voluntary diet. When I say that I don't drink full sugar pop (unless I'm low) telling me that "you understand, you're not drinking it either because you're trying to lose weight" isn't helpful. I totally understand that you're trying to sympathize, but it makes me really frustrated because you get a choice and I don't, so it's not the same in the slightest.

Don't call diabetics "Cyborgs" unless you have their permission or they call themselves that. It's a common label because many diabetics have technology attached to them to help them manage their diabetes, making them, technically, part machine like a cyborg. Some diabetics feel like it's dehumanizing and makes them feel different and disrespected. Others, like myself, (it's literally in my username) fully embrace the title as an excellent and fun part of their identity. Make sure that you know how someone feels before you call them that!

Don't be afraid to ask polite questions! As long as it's not the only thing you ever talk to me about, I'm totally happy to answer questions about my diabetes. There is a lot of misinformation and misunderstandings out there and I would love to try and clear it up and share accurate information!

I'm sure there is way more I'm not thinking of at the moment, but the baseline is: be kind! Being diabetic isn't easy, but interacting with kind people makes it better.

Thank you so much for reading!

[bethanydelleman]

@redwooding added on another already very long post:

ANOTHER set of questions, which people can ignore or answer: what the hell, Ward sisters? One, about as lazy as a human being can get; one, a truly nasty person, who deserves the purgatory to which she has been consigned; and one, a disorganized slattern. Is this a function of birth order? Their marriages? (Nine kids? Anyone would be overwhelmed. Get off her, Lieutenant Price!) Inborn personalities?

I think it is a mix of personality, circumstance, and birth order.

We know Lady Bertram and Mrs. Price are very similar in disposition, so it's not just the toll of having nine children:

Of her two sisters, Mrs. Price very much more resembled Lady Bertram than Mrs. Norris. She was a manager by necessity, without any of Mrs. Norris’s inclination for it, or any of her activity. Her disposition was naturally easy and indolent, like Lady Bertram’s; and a situation of similar affluence and do-nothingness would have been much more suited to her capacity than the exertions and self-denials of the one which her imprudent marriage had placed her in. She might have made just as good a woman of consequence as Lady Bertram, but Mrs. Norris would have been a more respectable mother of nine children on a small income. (Ch 39)

Mrs. Price was also most likely woefully unprepared to be at the very bottom of the gentry class. She doesn't know how to work efficiently, she doesn't have a housekeeper and butler helping her keep the servants organized because that didn't make up part of her education or expectations in life: "always behindhand and lamenting it, without altering her ways; wishing to be an economist, without contrivance or regularity; dissatisfied with her servants, without skill to make them better, and whether helping, or reprimanding, or indulging them, without any power of engaging their respect."

Mrs. Norris, despite her obvious faults, is better able to adapt to circumstances than either of her sisters. She is active and efficient, probably from birth. She is intelligent and economical enough to save a good deal over her years, but the uselessness of her economy makes her into a miser: Having married on a narrower income than she had been used to look forward to, she had, from the first, fancied a very strict line of economy necessary; and what was begun as a matter of prudence, soon grew into a matter of choice, as an object of that needful solicitude which there were no children to supply.

I take from this that if she had had children, she would not have ended up like she did. Instead of saving for something, she makes the saving itself into her object of affection. A similar thing is explored in Silas Marner by George Eliot. Silas becomes a miser because he has nothing to make money for, so the money becomes his love.

There is also definitely a birth order effect, as Lady Bertram, the middle sister, blindly defers to her elder sister. Mrs. Norris is a controlling elder sibling and Mrs. Price a classic rebellious youngest.

Lady Bertram fell into the situation she was suited for, and becomes a very lazy baronet's wife. Mrs. Price is entirely unsuited by disposition to her lowly station in life and therefore struggles considerably. Mrs. Norris married lower than she wished, adapted, but fell into the temptation of greed due to a lack of children/something sensible to do with her money.

Whatever morality or principles that they may have had as young women seem to have worn away over time. There is very little positive good in any of them.

Another blog post about the Ward sisters here.

[kitsantoss]

[Andre Lamoglia, Cis Man, He-They ] — whoa! Kit Santos just stole my cab! not cool, but maybe they needed it more. they have lived in the city for 8 YEARS, working as a WRITER. that can’t be easy, especially at only 29 YEARS OLD. some people say they can be a little bit SNARKY and YAPPY , but I know them to be ENERGETIC and CHARMING. whatever. I guess I’ll catch the next cab. hope they like the ride back to BROOKLYN! — (Juicy, 21+, est, any, n/a)

tw: cancer, death

Life can be pretty fucking shitty, and that all rings especially true when you’re young and think of nothing but the future, of growing up, never truly appreciating the time of your youth. Kit had learned this lesson early on, a child of the system, the byproduct of high school sweetheart love, two so enamored yet unprepared for the harsh reality of the world, so that baby that came out of spurious love would never know his parents, or at the very least those he shared DNA with. Not that it mattered as he never really lived in the system for long as some hopeful couple had wanted a baby for so long, but they just didn’t have any luck, so in some ways Kit was their miracle child. Besides the somewhat cautionary tale that was his birth, life was pretty normal for him, he was good in school, was an honor roll student all the way up until senior year when he was ready to venture out into the world and become a professional. At least, that was the plan, that’s what most young adults did once their high school career was over, go into higher education, get a degree, and make a career out of it. But on a night out with friends, one of the many that he’d come to know a night that was supposed to be like any other, his world turned upside down. Kit had passed out during one of the school’s football games, walking into the parking lot with his friends as they all celebrated the victory, he collapsed as he fell to catch up to them, and that was all he could recall as the darkness that was trying to invade from his peripheral took over.

The diagnosis was adenocarcinoma, and the fainting spell was brought on due to dehydration probably from the upchucking that he had done at home prior, thinking it must’ve been the corn dog he had ate that just didn’t sit with right him. They told him and his family about the available procedures and all that they could offer, and Kit couldn’t think, he couldn’t say a single word, all he could do was sit there and listen as the fear hit him like a truck. It dashed all his hopes and dreams of the future, as it looked grim, but he was up for the fight, as they call it. As if this thing was just another type of battlefield that he was wholly unprepared for, but he wanted to live, so what other choices were there? After a year in treatment, things started to take a turn for the worse, the doctors were giving up hope, and the look on his parents face as they tried to assuage the news didn’t help. Kit was left in that hospital bed looking at all the stories from his friends, moving on with their lives, going off into college, and he was just stagnant, deteriorating, as if his own body was waging a war with itself. After being told he only had maybe less than a year, he decided to spend his few remaining days in a place he had found online. A place that housed kids like him, kids who were terminal and wanted a better way to spend the rest of their remaining days. So as his bags were packed, he ventured off to what might be       the best time in his life.

It felt like Hospice, except all the inhabitants were young, about his age, just young adults that for better or worse, lived their life as best as they could within this abode. He settled in quickly, made friends with the other kids and found in them a second family. They would all do everything together, they’d all tell the wildest stories that they could come up with, say what they would do if they ever got out that place. They’d steal alcohol, drink together, find themselves in the woods making a little bonfire, and Kit figured that it might not be so bad to go if you were surrounded by people who truly loved and cherished you, and knew exactly what you were going through. Kit met a boy, and their feelings for each other sparked quickly, it was beautiful and wild and real, and all the things’ people wish for, so he thought of himself as lucky in that aspect. That he got to experience what felt like love, real love, at least if only even for a little while. They promised they’d marry if they ever got out, but as the story goes, the good times can’t last. It should’ve been obvious given all their circumstances, but it still hurt, hurt like hell to know that seat at the table would never be filled by that person ever again. Here, he began to write, began to immortalize the people he loved in his stories, gave them all the grandeur and fantasy that they deserved. In his stories they got to live, carry out their lives, he gave them adventures, romance, every other amazing thing he could think of that he knew they’d enjoy. Little by little all these stories became a book, the first of many that he would never publish, at least, he didn’t think about it at first, didn’t think he’d ever get to see his work out there in the world. These were just stories he made for his friends, of his friends, and ones that he would keep for life…or at least until his time. Kit experience heartache many other times, as a lot of the faces he knew and loved had vanished, and their big group had dwindled, but even so they never truly left, not while there were pages and lips that said their names.

Then another miracle happened, the miracle baby of his parents got one for himself, new results that said he wasn’t terminal, and that while not fully recovered it meant he could put his life back on track. He was happy, sad, guilty, angry, confused, so many things all at once because…why him? Survivor’s guilt is common, and he knew that, be he didn’t know how visceral it would truly be until he was one himself, a survivor. After he left, he promised to himself to keep them all alive, and he did, his book got published and a bestselling author he became. That one book spawned an entire series, and he had made his friends ever living in those pages that millions of others now read, they fell in love with the same people he did, but they would never truly know how amazing each of them were, not like he did. Now he lives comfortably, playing the same video games one of his friends would’ve raved about, as if he had had kept something each of them loved and carried it with him forever, or as long as that could be. Still, he doesn’t know if he’ll ever find love, or a love as beautiful as his first, survivor’s guilt is a bitch, but it’s the bitch that he carries deep within his heart, and he doesn’t know if there’s anybody who could mend it, those battle scars.

[strangestcase]

People often say Dr. Jekyll was being more responsible than Frankenstein but was he, really?

When his actions began to turn towards the monstrous (his words not mine), all Jekyll could do was heal those he had hurt, right the wrongs, fix what was broken- all full well knowing that eventually he'd undo that work. Trying to steady himself. Constantly repeating himself I didn't do this I didn't do this I didn't do this even though he knows that's a lie. Reasoning with himself, thinking that it's Hyde's fault alone, as if Hyde wasn't something he had full control over.

He has to pay for his sins, undo his cruelty, but from an outside perspective, he's just a doctor helping others, making sure those victimized by his protégé at least receive a compensation. And he forces himself to partake on this perspective, although he's fully aware it's all his fault.

Sure, he actively attempts to undo the damage done by Hyde, but he does so reflecting his responsibility. Rather than thinking "I did something wrong, but I can make it right again", he thinks "someone did something wrong, someone I have nothing to do with".

Frankenstein at least has a reason to intervene too late, too ineffectually. Adam is his own person, who makes his own choices, and his choice is to hurt people because he was hurt first, even when he's well aware he's just dooming himself further. Victor has no say on who Adam is or what he can do, as much as he would like to. He ran out of choices when he left him to his own devices; no matter how much he insists Adam is his creation, he no longer is that, and, as Adam puts it, being the creator doesn't give Victor any reign over him. Victor can try to help those Adam has hurt, can scramble to prevent more deaths, can feel sorry about himself for not doing more (but what is there to do, anyway?), can feel guilty for being able to stop Adam, but at the end of the day it's not up to him because he has no control over Adam's actions.

Jekyll doesn't get that luxury. He's fully aware of what Hyde does. All the choices are always his, even if it's arguble he doesn't have all that much control over himself as Hyde (no inhibitions and whatnot).

The thing with Frankenstein and Jekyll is that they both have this illusion of control going on. Frankenstein wants to believe that maybe if he had done something about Adam (killing him? educating him? giving him a girlfriend even though that'd be a dangerous gamble?) things would have gone differently, but for as long as Adam is rejected, which is part of the character by that point, he's going to want revenge. That's the issue. Jekyll, on the other hand, wants to believe that what he does as Hyde is not his business, and that if things get too hairy (hah!) he can always quit the serum. It's not that easy, however. His addiction has permanently altered how his mind (soul, spirit, call it whatever) works and now it's it what has a final say on what he does and even who he is.

So no matter what he did, Frankenstein could never prevent all those deaths, that he feels are his fault, and, well, part of the reason Adam is killing people is his fault indeed, but it's Adam, and not Victor, the person that is hurting others. Victor has to watch everything go down and maybe do damage control, but he has very little power over what happens next. No wonder he breaks down so often.

And on the other side of the spectrum, we have Jekyll, who could have prevented all he had done, including the murder, if he had known when to stop (and how could he know, if he's addicted to Hyde? much to think about). It's him the monster that blights his own existence. And, yes, he might patch up someone Hyde beat up, he might pay for something Hyde destroyed- but at the end of the day, there you have him, Hyde himself, thinking "it's not my fault, never my fault" and patting himself in the back for canceling the evil out.

More aware of his monster? Yes, definitely. He is the monster.

More responsible for his monster? Why of course. He is the monster.

A better scientist? He has the credentials and a sense of hygiene.

A better person? Please, don't make me laugh.

[auspex]

VtM Fangfest 2024 Prompt 2: The Magician

Hello! Here is my second fic for Fangfest 2024 :)

All my fics will be about characters that are previously established, so you might not have context for everything mentioned or hinted at within :( Feel free to reach out to ask I love explaining!

I've never really posted my writing before so be kind!

my previous fic is here

This fic is about a Tremere from Mark's game named Gaius. This time I'll let the fic speak for itself.

Gaius forced his smile to come out as a scowl. Julius was getting a new childe? His arrogance never surprised him. Did he really think a fledgling would help him now? Whichever poor fool he selected would only be another weak point to exploit. 

The ghoul, whatever his name was, cringed at Gaius’s expression, but to his credit continued his message without hesitation. “As both primogen and regent of Detroit, in which this new fledgling is to be embraced, this is your official notice. As Julius’s statio-” 

Gaius cut him off. “Yes, yes, my permission is unneeded and not sought, he supersedes me, if I have concerns bring them up next I report, I know, I know.” He waved his hand, shooing the ghoul out. “I saw the email come through with the details as you were speaking. You are no longer needed. Begone.” 

“Yes, Regent.” Giving a salute, the ghoul was off, back to Elysium. 

Leaning back in his desk chair, Gaius scrolled through the email. The soon-to-be-fledgling was named Mark. This was one of the ones that Gaius already had been monitoring, as he knew Julius was considering him for the embrace, but he was still surprised. Based on his own intel, this one certainly wouldn’t have been his first choice for a new childe - he was likely chosen to be underestimated. Mark had a basic education - a PhD in Roman History, and was certainly prolific in his field, but no prodigy. He had studied the occult from a historical lens only, and had no strong connections in any mortal institutions. No martial skill to speak of. 

Gaius, alone now, truly smiled. There was no need to be concerned with over or under-estimating this one, for he would become his tool, in the end. 

The email indicated that Mark was to be temporarily placed under his care, along with some other new fledglings, in 5 nights time, as Julius was busy. Julius had also emailed him directly, ordering him to prepare Mark’s apartment for his return. 

Now he did scowl. This was a direct insult, showing off the power he had over Gaius. 

But such a petty request was not worth his energy to fight. Arrangements must be made. Besides, even cleaning an apartment could present opportunities.  

~

Directly outside the bars of Mark’s cell, Gaius sets his feet on a table, getting comfortable. Tonight, he’s not wearing Tremere robes, but tan clothes, with long black boots, somewhat reminiscent of a prison warden from decades ago. 

Other new kindred were to be shipped off to Elysium tonight after being held in the chantry. He figured Mark would fit right in with them - no reason to give him a warmer welcome than the others. If Julius wanted him to personally bring him in… fine. A prison suited him well. 

Gaius, a chronic user of rituals to give him more hours of consciousness, waited for Mark to leave daysleep. Finally seeing him stir, he leers at Mark. “Finally up? Have a nice nap?” Mark looked at him, surprised, and reached for glasses he surely didn’t need any longer. “You sure screwed that one up.” Gaius couldn’t believe this idiot had already broken the masquerade, in such a spectacular way that Julius hadn’t been able to hide it from him.

He couldn’t even consider Mark’s screwup a good thing; he needed Mark to stick around and do well. If Mark became too easy of a target, Gaius would be forced to take advantage, perhaps even punishing him with final death, to avoid making Julius suspicious. Or, Julius himself would tire of Mark and replace him. It wouldn’t do for him to be discarded for something as simple as a masquerade breach. 

Perhaps Mark thought himself untouchable. Gaius smirked to himself - he should be able to cure him of that tonight. 

Mark looked miserable already, and hesitated before replying. “Look, I, I don’t remember much of what happened. Do you know why I’m here?” 

Gaius continues staring at him, stroking his lower lip with his thumb, holding his beard. “You tell me!” he says, grinning. He knows damn well Mark remembers almost killing that college kid - this wasn’t his first frenzy. 

“I’m serious, I think I’m having a psychotic episode or something.” Mark holds his hand against his forehead, truly making a show of trying to remember.  

Oh please. Gaius leans his chair back as he replies “You’re either lying to me, or yourself, or both. Either way, you’re full of shit.”

Mark fidgets with his glasses. “Look, what happened to me wasn’t normal. But I… I get a phone call right? Can I please have my phone call?” 

Gaius laughs for a good five seconds, bitterly and caustic. “A phone call. Right. You’re definitely lying to yourself here. See, the thing with you new fledglings is, usually if you break the masquerade, you die. But you get to be special.” As he speaks, he slits his arm, down the vein. Blood drips onto the floor, and Mark can’t help but stare at it.

He continues. “Yes, it's blood. You can keep staring, that’s fine. So, the thing is, I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to spend time on you tonight. Or any night. But you know how it is – I owe a guy, who owes a guy. So I’m going to…. help you out.” He lowers his gaze and smirks. 

Mark is hardly paying attention. The blood dripping down Gaius's arm is clearly occupying his focus. Gaius knows Mark must be hungry; to him, the blood should be hypnotic.

Gaius rolls his eyes and stares at the ceiling as he continues, knowing Mark is only half listening. “But the masquerade, it’s fundamental. If you wanna last at all, you better learn it. Doesn’t matter how hungry you get, don’t pull that again.”

Looking directly at Mark, staring with unblinking eyes, he speaks simply. “I don’t like you.” A pause. “See, if it was up to me, you’d be on a dinner plate.”

At that, Mark looks back at him instead of the pool of blood and shuffles uncomfortably. That did the trick. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. H-how long have I been here?”

Too long.

Gaius decides it's time to stop taunting the fledgling. He contorts and lengthens his nail, dipping it in the blood he spilled. “Doesn’t matter, you won’t be here much longer.” Using the bloody nail, he signs a paper sitting on his desk; official release of Mark to the Keeper of Elysium tomorrow evening, passing responsibility along to him. Damn Camarilla paperwork.

“What was that?” 

“Your requisition order. Now, like I said, I have to help you out, but not for much longer, thank god. So… If you need anything, like… hmm, food, water, toilet paper…” He pauses after each item, enjoying his joke. “Go ahead and press that button in your cell. On the back wall there. I’ll have to come back; and if I do, it’d better be for a good reason. See you around.”

Before Mark can reply, he dissolves into shadow.

~

Back to his lab; time to finish his notes. 

Gaius, being not only an elder but one of the first mages of house Tremere to be embraced, had developed many thaumaturgical rituals and was privy to many secrets. Video Nefas was only one example; this now archaic and forbidden path of sorcery could rip memories from a victim's mind and peer into souls. 

However, Gaius mostly used it to keep track of his own progress and plans. 

Speaking aloud in his personal haven, he summarized what was left to do. 

 “December 30, 1999. There are approximately 9 lunar cycles remaining until the cosmos are in their proper alignments for the ritual. 

Lucius continues to grow in occult knowledge and takes well to his studies. Smart kiddo. Divination of his fate continues to be uncertain, but the timing of disturbances in the readings align with when the ritual should occur, which I take as a promising sign. I… I must continue to push him to be a suitable, erm, to be suitable, for Alexander.”

Gaius frowned in silence for a moment before continuing. 

“The text I arranged for him to read next should be available to me next week. He will have to learn Latin to read it, thus serving a dual purpose. 

Moving on. The collection of quintessence from Sparky continues at its slow rate. Current predictions indicate we will reach our goal with a month's time to spare. Bobbie, needy as ever, has said she needs more ghouls to assist in its protection, which I have assured her I will help provide. 

Julius has acquired a new childe that he clearly intends on being a spy. Based on previous intel, this selection is slightly ahead of schedule, I am unsure of why but it will likely play to my advantage. 

No idea why he picked this guy, but anyway. Personal effects of the fledgling were acquired for future scrying and rituals from his apartment. He will soon become directly under my influence once Kyle makes contact with him. Lucius may also meet him. Memory spheres have been arranged in my laboratory intended to make the fledgling open to allying with me against Julius, for when he inevitably attempts a break-in. In my assessment he is not a crucial asset, easily handled should he prove incompetent or overly loyal to Julius, but could regardless be useful.  

Moving on to more important matters, the coup is tomorrow.  I’ll finally be free of the fool Hookman. Soon-to-be-Prince Akikaos has committed to requiring half as many resources from me as Hookman did, allowing me to finish experiments and preparations in time for the ritual with plenty of time to spare. Assuming the coup is successful, I now should also be able to maintain my responsibilities as Regent until the time comes. If it is not, I shall submit my notice of resignation as soon as possible. 

Next week, again assuming the coup succeeds, I will be expected at the crowning of this new Prince, and I have also promised Lucius I would go to some sort of amusement park with him. A welcome break. For him and for me.”  

As he spoke, Gaius sketched out a complicated sigil outline on parchment. He paused his writing, reaching for a metallic sphere. 

There were hundreds of them in his haven, on shelves embedded into the walls. Gaius had even more in storage. Some glowed gently, others were dim like the one he had just selected. 

Doing nothing but focusing his vitae in the proper ways, Gaius replayed what he had just said in his mind, wrenching it forward, and outward, copying it into the sphere. 

It was automatic; a reflex. He had done it thousands of times before. 

Now, should he wish to remember, he merely had to retrieve this sphere. He placed it in its proper place on the shelf, joining hundreds of others. 

The records of the final stages of his plot, over a millennia in the making. 

Julius would die.

His son Alexander would return to the world of the living.

He could leave kindred society behind. 

Everything he had worked for would reach its conclusion. 

[legacydevice]

Do you know what old pc I should get for retro gaming?

Thanks for the question! Keep in mind that this is written from the assumption that you have no/very basic knowledge of older computers, so I apologize if this comes off a bit patronizing! Even if you know quite a bit, other people reading may not and I want to make sure people are knowledgeable before making a purchase!

If you dont care about hardware, and your current pc can handle it, I'd recommend setting up a VM with the operating system of your choice (windows xp would probably have the most flexibility). Look up a tutorial on how to set up a VM with VirtualBox, and you can easily find .iso files of your operating system of choice online. (Obviously be careful of what you download). This is also convenient because if you dont own physical copies of your games it's pretty easy to get the files from the internet archive and transfer them to the VM! If you need any more help with this, feel free to send me an ask and I can help you out!

If you're a hardware lover like me though, I definitely understand wanting to have the experience of the real thing! Please keep in mind im not totally educated about specs and technical stuff, so take my opinion with a grain of salt and look for others input as well (followers please add on / correct me)!

A lot of it depends on the kind of games you want to run, if you're fine with only 2d games you should be fine with most computers that have an appropriate cpu/ram for the year it was made! However, running 3d games will definitely need a good gpu. There are plenty of people on ebay who sell custom built computers geared towards retro gaming, I'd recommend looking into listings of those even if you do not want to buy on eBay just to get an idea of what you would like!

I personally use Facebook marketplace to look for old computers that I want to buy. A lot of times you can get pretty good deals on there! While not a gaming oriented computer, I got my micron millennia, including the crt monitor, keyboard, mouse, and speakers all for $80! It also runs pretty much any games I want to play on there, but I haven't tried any beefier 3d games yet so I'm not sure how it will do with those. You can also check local thrift stores around you as well, I've been able to find a Dell optiplex for $40 once before. I would recommend local shops rather than goodwills since most goodwills usually sell their good stuff online for auction, but it doesn't hurt to check if you're feeling lucky!

Keep in mind that buying locally very much depends on if you can drive/have access to a car, so I totally understand if this isn't an option for you. I also have only ever lived in the US so your buying options will probably be different if you are in another country. If you know of any local retro tech enthusiast groups, they could probably help you out specific to your location! Again, Facebook is a good resource to find local groups.

The other option is buying from eBay. It will be more expensive because of shipping but you can at least get something more geared to your specifics and it's more convenient if you do not have access to transportation. Searching up something like "custom retro gaming pc" or "vintage gaming pc" should help you out!

Also, if this is your first time buying an old computer, or you do not have any experience with technology repair, you may want to buy from someone who has that experience and has already refurbished the computer for you. Blown capacitors and shitty power supplies are no joke, they can be very dangerous! If you absolutely need a computer that is advertised as not working/not tested, take it to someone who knows what they're doing before plugging it in. Again, I apologize if this comes off as patronizing but I want to make sure everyone is safe and no one has any bad experiences that may turn away people from this hobby!

Another recommendation I'd give is to get something you like! I know this might be a bit obvious, but I really like windows 98 because of nostalgia reasons, and my roommate would often ask me why I didn't get a pc with windows XP. Personally all the games I want to play run fine on 98, and i'm willing to use a VM for games that need XP. Get something that makes you happy if it is within your budget and convenient for you!

I apologize if this is a bit rambly! I'm waiting for an oil change and im bored lol. Other people feel free to add on and im willing to answer more questions if needed :)

[harleybeaumont]

Never Have I Ever

Chapter 6 - Watch and Learn

Book- TRR

Series- Never Have I Ever

Pairings- Bertrand x MC (kind of)

Chapter Synopsis- Riley shows Bertrand porn for the first time.

Chapter Warnings- language, mentions of sexual acts, masturbation

Rating - Explicit

Word Count- 1,785

A/N- Thanks @angelasscribbles for giving me the idea that ended up being the premise for this entire chapter!

Chapter 6 - Watch and Learn

In a couple days, the Beaumonts would head to Applewood for the next event of the social season. They usually had a week between events to return back to Ramsford to rest. Most of Riley’s “downtime” at the Beaumont estate was spent studying courtly procedures, brushing up on her dance moves, and doing anything else Bertrand deemed imperative knowledge for a future queen.

But when Riley wasn’t learning from Bertrand, she was teaching Bertrand.

Riley stretched out on her bed, while Bertrand sat stiffly across from her in a plush wing chair. “So have you ever seen anyone having sex before? Like on the internet?”

Bertrand humphed and turned his head away. “I’ll have you know that I’ve seen.. things before.”

“Things? You mean like porn?”

“Pornography?! Heavens no!”

Riley turned to him in surprise, “You can’t expect me to believe you’ve never watched porn! Every guy has watched porn at some point in their life!”

“Well you should know that Bertrand Beaumont is not ‘every guy’. I could never watch two strangers having.. Intercourse!”

Riley considered for a moment before a mischievous grin alit her face. “What about watching someone who isn’t a stranger having sex?”

Bertrand’s jaw dropped, “Wha- That may be even worse!”

Riley chuckled and actually looked slightly embarrassed. That was something that Bertrand had never seen from her despite the intimate moments they had shared. “I’m going to tell you something that I haven’t told anyone before... I, uh, may have made a sex tape when I was in college.”

Bertrand swallowed hard. The first thought that popped into his head was that this video needed to be destroyed immediately. If she were to become queen and that video was leaked it would be disastrous! But another thought crossed his mind. 

He.. kinda wanted to see it. Just for educational purposes. He had never seen anyone actually having sex before and out of morbid curiosity, thought that maybe it might be helpful.. Ya, that’s why. For educational purposes. He quickly scolded himself. Who am I kidding? That’s not why! I’m an outright pervert!

Before he could say a word, Riley gave him a nervous smile. “I’ll let you watch it, but you have to promise to never tell anyone about it.”

“Lady Riley.. Do you think there is any chance that I would ever in a million years tell anyone about anything that we have been doing?!”

“I guess not,” she grinned. “So that means you wanna see it?”

He stammered, “I-I uh.. That is.. If you think.. For educational reasons-”

“Read you loud and clear,” she smirked and pulled out her phone. “I saved it on the cloud, so it should be easy to find.”

“It’s saved on your iCloud account?! Oh dear God, anyone could hack into that!”

“Well, I didn’t know where else to save it!”

Bertrand sighed, “Ok, after this I’m going to help you either delete the video entirely, or find a more secure place to store it so that someone doesn’t get their hands on it.”

“Wow, Bert! That’s actually nice of you.”

He huffed, “I can be nice.”

Riley playfully glared at him. “Ya? When you’re yelling at me about my outfit choices or drilling me on names and titles of everyone in court? Is that when you’re nice?”

“Well.. I admit that at times I can be a bit brusque, but it’s all part of preparing you to be-”

She moved forward, quickly inhabiting his personal space with a sly grin. Her tongue slid out to wet her plump lips and she watched his face hungrily. “Maybe you’re only being nice because you want me to kiss you..”

She leaned forward, barely grazing her lips against his, and Bertrand released a shuddering breath. “I..”

She trailed her hand down his chest slowly, slowly making her way down to the growing bulge in his pants. Gently palming him through his slacks she leaned in to whisper in his ear, “Or maybe you’re being nice because you want me to feel you up..”

His breath was coming out in gasps now, but he was still speechless. Riley nibbled his ear, “Did you want me to take hold of your hard cock and jerk you off? Is that why you’re being nice?”

He gasped as she grabbed hold of him beneath his boxers, slowly moving her hand along his shaft. His eyes flew shut as she continued to stroke him. “R-Riley..” She quickly removed her hand and stepped back. Bertrand let out a pathetic whimper before he attempted to regain his composure. “What.. what was that?” 

“That was me seducing you. Did you learn anything?”

“Um.. I may have, uh.. learned.. uh.." Bertrand shook his head, “I apologize, but I’m not sure I can think straight at the moment.”

Riley chuckled, watching him thoughtfully for a brief moment, “So.. ready to watch a sex tape?”

____________________________________________________

While Bertrand waited for Riley to cast the video to her TV, he took a moment to reflect on his current stage of life. Who was he anymore? He had always done his best to be the respectable person he believed a Duke should be, but now here he was in a woman's bedroom about to watch her having sex with someone! He should be utterly ashamed of himself. 

But he wasn’t. 

“I’m having second thoughts..” Riley said, pausing the video just as it began. She and a young man had just walked in front of the bed and started kissing. “What if it’s too cringy? I don’t know if I can watch it!”

“Have you not seen it before?”

“Not since right after we made it.. That was probably four years ago!”

Bertrand, still eager to see the video, but not wanting her to know, offered a solution. “Well.. I could watch it while you wait on the other side of the room. Would that be easier?”

Riley nodded, dropping the remote next to him on her bed. “But turn it off if it’s horrible. I’ll wait downstairs in the kitchen.”

“The kitchen?”

“Ya, I’m a nervous eater. Thankfully I don’t get nervous very often, but for some reason, the thought of you watching this is making me nervous! Just text me when you’re done.”

“O..kay.” Bertrand picked up the remote and hesitantly pushed play once Riley had vanished through the door. 

________________________________________________________

Riley sat at the kitchen table, tapping her foot nervously. She had already eaten leftover chicken wings, two oatmeal cream pies, and drank a root beer float.. Any more stress eating and she wouldn’t be able to fit into the clingy, satin dress she and Max had purchased for the Apple Harvest Ball. When she couldn’t stand waiting any longer, Riley decided she would go check on Bertrand to make sure he hadn’t run out of her room in terror at what he had witnessed. She chuckled quietly to herself at the image in her head.

Riley quietly turned the doorknob and saw Bertrand still watching the TV with his back to her. But she quickly had to stifle a gasp when she saw what he was doing. Soft moans fell from his lips while his hand moved rapidly in front of him. Feeling like she was a creep for watching him jerk off, Riley started to back away and leave, but his groans of pleasure kept her rooted in place. She gently cracked the door open a little wider and saw him watching the TV with rapt attention while her past self fucked the man on the video into oblivion. Her ex boyfriend, Devon, who clearly loved having sex on film, because he was currently in the porn industry. Not that she had ever watched his videos or anything.. well, not recently.

Bertrand’s hand motions increased and his breathing was becoming more ragged. He was clearly very close... just from watching her! The thought put a fire in her belly that she couldn’t extinguish. She squeezed her thighs together for some kind of friction against her aching cunt as she watched this normally composed man losing himself into ecstasy while he watched her. Suddenly Bertrand moaned loudly, gasping as he came undone. 

Riley released a soft moan of pleasure watching him, and Bertrand immediately twisted his body to face her. “Oh my God, Lady Riley! This isn’t what it looks like!”

She hurriedly entered and locked the door behind her. “Bert, relax! It’s ok, I promise.”

With one hand still on his dick, he brought the other one up to cover his face. “This is humiliating. I’ve never been so ashamed of myself! I’m such a concupiscent cad!”

To stop him from spiraling, Riley quickly took his hand and slipped it into her panties. “Do you feel that?”

“Holy..” Bertrand gasped loudly.

Riley leaned toward him and smirked, “I didn’t mean to watch you. It was an accident at first, but it turned me on so fucking much. You see what it did to me, right?”

Bertrand was shell shocked. “I- Really?”

“Yes, obviously!” She chuckled and removed his hand. “Now let me help you clean up.”

Bertrand hopped up and rushed into her bathroom. “No, I got it. You shouldn’t have to clean up my mess all the time.”

Riley leaned against the bathroom door frame, watching Bertrand wash his hands. “Why are you always so put off by your semen?”

Bertrand cringed, “Because it’s.. I don't know! It’s sticky! And.. and messy!”

“Well.. just so you know, I’m not put off by it. Quite the opposite, actually.”

His face flushed a deep scarlet. Women weren’t disgusted by that sort of thing? He looked down while he scrubbed his hands harder, his cheeks on fire. 

Riley handed him a hand towel when he was done washing. “So Bert, I was going to suggest that we try oral sex next, but I’m not sure you’re ready for that.���

He gulped loudly and his heart skipped a beat. “O-oral sex? With me?”

“Well ya. That’s usually the next step. But you seem to be put off by fluids, so maybe we should skip it. That is, unless you want to try it?”

“Yes!” Bertrand threw his hand over his mouth in surprise. He hadn’t meant to yell it out. He was such a simpleton around her, and the day had been one humiliating event after another for him.

Riley smiled brightly, “Oh, so you do wanna try it!” She looked way too amused by his witless reaction. 

He ran his hands down his face. “I.. think I do. I mean, I need to learn, right?! For.. Savannah?”

She nodded, reaching out to smooth out his shirt. “Then that will be our next lesson.”

[clericsparrow]

Something that really irritates me is how diluted the meaning of feminism has become in recent years. It is unbelievably frustrating to hear someone describe themselves as a feminist, only for them to not really have a grasp on what feminism is. It honestly feels like there's this weird easy to digest version of feminism going about that is less rooted in fighting for women's rights and liberation, but focuses more on just generic girl power catchphrases and nothing else. I'm sorry, but yes I am going to be irritated with you if you call yourself a feminist but your activism begins and ends with sharing a pastel infographic to your Instagram story once in a while.

These types of aesthetic "feminists" also tend to not want to reflect on their actions and how they relate to feminism. A good example of this is when you try to bring up how shaving/wearing makeup is often rooted in patriarchal ideas. I've noticed a lot of people get very angry with that when it's something they choose to do. They usually argue it's their preference, and that feminism is about supporting women's choices. It's so infuriating. I'm not saying you must be some sort of misogynistic MRA because you shave and wear makeup. I'm just saying that maybe you might want to reflect on why that's your preference. How are you calling yourself a feminist if you are completely unwilling to reflect on how certain actions and standards are shaped by the patriarchy, just because it makes you feel uncomfortable to reflect on why you do certain things.

A lot of it also just seems to be very focused on the west, which is just really disheartening. There are so many things going on around the world that need attention, that we as feminists should be vocal about and organising to help the women and girls in these situations. I rarely ever hear these types of feminists talk about issues like FGM, forced marriage, human/sex trafficking, and lack of education access for girls, to name a few. It's almost comical how people so blind to these things can call themselves feminists. If anything, it really shows how little they know about the movement they claim to be a part of. It could not be any more clear these people are not involved in any organising, or have even read any feminist theory in their lives (no, an infographic with <100 words does not count as reading feminist theory).

[khaleesiofalicante]

hi Dani, how are u?

Do you think there’s a way to stop worrying about grades? I’m majoring in dentistry, but as a first year I have to take basic math for some reason (?). Every teacher has a different grading method, but mine only makes quizzes. Last week I had a quiz and the teacher decided to do it in groups, and I really thought we made everything correct, but the teacher submitted the grades and we only got half of the grade (8/16) and since then I’ve felt really bad because I had done really well until then in the class :((

My classmates told me it’s not a bid deal, but I feel really shitty about everything, because I had done everything really well until then.

I hate feeling like my grades define my worth, but I don’t know how to stop it either 🥲.

I totally relate to this too—especially when I was in uni. First of all, the assignment you did was a group assignment, so it's not entirely your fault. If you got a perfect grade, you wouldn't have taken all the credit, right? So if you didn’t meet your expectations, then you shouldn’t blame only yourself either.

I think something that really helps to not rely too much on your grades for your self-esteem is to ask for qualitative feedback from your teachers. Most teachers just give a grade or a score and don't say much else. If they don’t do that, then you should go to them and ask: What did I do well? Did you see me make any easy mistakes? What can I do better? These are actually questions that you can ask your teacher not just after an exam, but after any assignment or class.

Basically, communication with your teacher about your performance is actually healthy and helpful. I say this while admitting that not all teachers are open to doing this (some are just assholes), so if you do have the opportunity and a teacher who is willing, then talk to them and get their feedback and use that because that's more concrete than a number on a piece of paper.

The second thing is much harder to do, and I've only done it myself when I got older. It’s realizing that exam grades or scores don’t actually reflect your intelligence at all. Especially in a lot of education systems, exams test memory recall and the ability to write a lot in two hours or some other skill that actually has nothing to do with the subject or the career you might be interested in. You really need to find alternative ways to make yourself feel better because more often than not, people who tie their self-esteem to their grades end up tying it to their salary or which university they went to or how many degrees they have, etc. It’s a slippery slope.

It’s okay to tie your self-esteem to your academic achievements. It’s completely normal. But let it be something concrete and personal—like completing a course that you found online, writing an article or essay about a topic of your choice, attending a conference on dentistry, or helping out a dentist at the office. These are all things that will also make you feel good about yourself, and guess what, they are long-lasting and much less stressful than an exam.

So if you’re in uni, I would deeply recommend that you look for opportunities to learn about dentistry or medicine in alternative ways other than just uni classes. If you only learn from school, then the only way you can judge yourself is by your grades. So expand and diversify the way you learn, and you will slowly stop worrying about grades too. There are so many opportunities these days, so I’d recommend that you look out for them and try them out!

Hope this helps!

[faithfromanewperspective]

I think something they never teach you how to deal with is growing up as a teenager when every single person you know is having their own mental health struggle and you’re well educated enough in mental health to see that, you’re also grounded and secure enough in simple things like being loved and having worth that sometimes your own struggles become pale in comparison. simply a tool for connection, you learn how to listen and you suggest getting help but no one’s earning any money and there are difficult parents and no time and no one has a car to get places anyway. you grow up doing this and you want to create something for the generation after you to make it better, or at least try to, but now you’re in your 20s and used to putting your struggle after everyone else’s, used to functioning and doing all the things that mean no one believes you when you say you’re struggling, because you have no choice but to function if you’re going to make sure the youth of today have it better than you did, if you’re going to put in the work and prove there are adults who will be there for you when your parents won’t. no one tells you that sometimes it’s when you do everything right that things only get worse. you take on more than you can carry and it’s worse to take it off than if you never thought you could do it in the first place. never let anyone down.

but you have to realise that the problem was structural, systemic, a world that lied to a generation before you about what success was and told them using fear that fear might help the next generation achieve it. who shot down their ability to connect and replaced it with a hunger for control just to have that security that meant it was only another thing the children had to go without. who told them to hide who they are, it’s shameful, how the hell could they ever love their children and the children of the community for who they are then? what community? no one chooses to live near their friends anymore. do life together anymore. of course they wouldn’t if that’s what they grew up to believe. they’re just trying to survive and you’re trying to pick up the pieces, leaving nothing left to survive on. you’re brave and passionate and caring and stupid but who can blame you really, if part of your illness seems like a superpower until it gets stuck on and the ideas and compassion can’t stop even if you know you have to, and it leaves you in the dirt with nothing? I certainly can’t blame myself. for seeing all the pain around me and thinking it made mine seem easy in comparison. when really, all I was doing was making it harder for myself.

[joeey-dee]

Do you have any Oliver headcannons? /gen

Yes, so many… don’t even know where to start, lol. 

Most are pre-Gambit, and who he was before. The show gave us very little information and what they did give us was a bit contradictory or the sources weren’t that reliable; the press, Oliver himself. And I know this statement probably seems a bit strange, how can Oliver not be a reliable source about his past? Well, it’s very simple, Oliver has a very negative view of himself, he also has the tendency to shoulder the blame for everything and twist and turn events around in his mind until he found a version of events that would make him the bad guy and solely responsible for all the bad that happened to people he cared about. 

This is shown very well during that scene by the fire with Sara on Lian Yu, when he apologizes to her and he pretty much tells her if it weren’t for him, she wouldn’t be there. This scene also brings something else with it that makes me appreciate it and Sara a lot, because different than most people in his life, Sara points out how ridiculous the notion that he is responsible for her being on Lian Yu with him is, that he did not force her, and that he wasn’t even the main reason why she joined him on the Gambit. That she is responsible for her own choices and the consequences that came with them. 

And even though, she „absolves“ him of his guilt, Oliver never stopped blaming himself and feeling responsible for what happened to Sara. Coming home and having people put all the blame back on him again didn’t help the situation.

So, the way Oliver sees the person he was pre-Gambit is not objective because the people in his life act as if he had been horrible, but the few flashbacks we got, some of the stories we got, show something different. Sure he made some serious mistakes, he was pretty much out of control (might not have been had his parents parented more instead of letting him get away with anything and everything and made things go away by throwing money at the situation instead of trying to find out why Oliver was acting the way he was. It worked with Thea, once Moira stepped up, Thea acted out less.) 

If you asked me, and this is one of my major head canons which pretty much bleeds into all of my stories, Oliver was already having serious mental issues before the Gambit. Mentally stable, and healthy people who literally have the world at their feet and all the opportunities there are, do not get drunk to the point of punching a paparazzo or peeing on a cop regularly. They do not sabotage a seemingly perfect relationship by cheating repeatedly. They do not throw their life away and waste their potential, and Oliver had a lot, he is highly intelligent.

I think the partying and drinking was both an escape and a cry for help.

I personally think Oliver was the poster child of the upper echelon that we see so often in the magazines or on TV. The ones most people are envious of because they believe simply by having been born into such a privileged world their lives are perfect. Yet, what most of us never see or consider is the pressure and expectations that come with that privilege or in Oliver’s case last name. To me it appeared he had no say or control over his life and future, he didn’t want to work for QC, but it was clear to his parents that he would. He didn’t seem to enjoy school or actually want to get a college education, he dropped out of four, yet he was forced to get one. It’s a juxtaposition he was in, on the one hand the sky was the limit, there was nothing he couldn’t do, because he owned more money than most people can even wrap their heads around and money can open a lot of doors that otherwise would stay shut, Oliver also seems to be a thrill seeker and that is a dangerous combination. I’d say, it is a pretty fair assessment that Oliver didn’t just drink a lot but also used drugs. Again, going by what I know about that societal class, it’s not difficult to believe that drugs were easy to come by at those parties. On the other hand, he was trapped in a life and a future he didn’t want; going to college, taking over QC. I think that can really mess with you. 

Oliver is also a bit of a people pleaser and he hates to hurt people and he also really doesn’t like confrontation or talking about his feelings. Which I think played a huge part in the issues he and Laurel ended up having. Plus when he did actually share his feelings, she didn’t take them seriously. 

What always bothers me is the way people act as if Oliver is a horrible person, which just shows me they obviously haven’t tried to see his side of the story, which just boggles my mind since the show is supposedly his story. Oliver is such a troubled and misunderstood person, but like Raisa said, he was a good boy, with a good heart, and that never changed. Oliver has a heart of gold and he just wants to see the people he loves happy and to help where he can. 

I trust Raisa and Thea’s view on pre-Gambit Oliver a lot more than Oliver’s. And yes, Thea’s might have to be taken with a small grain of salt too, because she was so young, he was her big bro and she idolized him, but would she have idolized him if he had been a bad big brother? I doubt it, and I think the way he treated Thea, made her a priority in his life even with their almost ten year age difference says a lot about the kind of person and older brother he was. 

Thank you so much for that question, I hope I answered it, not sure since I feel I got a little off track and it turned more into a ramble, sorry about that. If not, don’t hesitate to send another question, or if you want specifics, just ask and I try to answer them as well as I can. But one of my major head canons is that Oliver has always been a good guy, even before the Gambit, he was just troubled and struggling.