#earthpeople

[all-the-things-2020]

Year of Fandom Crossovers: June

Title: “Fifty Shades of Orange”

Pedro Character: Dieter Bravo

Fandom Crossover: The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Warnings: expletives, mentions of sex, mild LGBTQ+ content

Summary: Dieter Bravo unexpectedly joins the crew of the Heart of Gold.

Notes: I have been a HHGTTG fan since high school. Douglas Adams and Monty Python seriously impacted the development of my sense of humor. The character of Balthazar has been floating around in my subconscious since the late 80’s when I was brainstorming for an unwritten sequel to a fic my high school BFF and I wrote that featured cameos by Ford and Arthur. Since it is June, and Dieter is canonically bisexual, I decided to add a queer flavor to the ending.

@yearofcreation2023 @perennialdoll247

Arthur Dent was confused, but that was not an uncommon occurrence. He entered the lounge on the Heart of Gold and found a rumpled man, close to six feet tall, with uncombed hair, a patchy beard, and a green dressing gown staring at the tea dispenser. He turned toward Arthur and scratched his head.

“Does this thing take American money? And where’s the button for the KitKat?”

Arthur blinked twice, then again for good measure. The man seemed human enough, but then, so had Ford Prefect when Arthur had first met him.

“Erm,” said Arthur. “Excuse me.”

He backed out of the lounge and sought out Ford, who as usual was in his quarters, listening to some sort of electronic banjo music from the latest Arcturian band. “Ford,” Arthur said.

“Arthur,” said Ford.

“There’s a man in the lounge. Wearing a dressing gown. He looks mostly human.”

“Oh, that’s Dieter,” Ford said, waving his hand dismissively. “Zaphod picked him up while you were asleep. Someone found him on their doorstep and they knew we had an Earthman with poor taste in clothes, so Zaphod thought it was you.”

“But he saw me at dinner last night. He had to know it wasn’t me.” Arthur was perplexed. Zaphod was absent minded and scatterbrained (despite the fact that he had two brains, due to having the two heads) but he couldn’t have forgotten about Arthur, could he?

Ford shrugged. “Probably forgot about you,” he said. “He has a hard time remembering what you look like, anyway. Saw the dressing gown and the dark hair and thought ‘Oh, that’s our Earthman.’ I can recognize you right off, but then I was stuck on Earth for a long time. Most sentient beings have a hard time telling Earthpeople apart.”

Arthur was not appeased. “He certainly can recognize Trillian well enough.”

“Well, it’s different with her,” Ford said. “She’s not boring.” He sat up and switched off the music. “Best we go see what our new friend is up to.”

They went back to the lounge, where Dieter was sitting on the floor, looking glumly at a paper cup of tea. “It’s tea,” he said, sadly when he saw them.

“No, it’s not,” Arthur said. “Not really. But it’s as close as it’s possible to get now that Earth’s gone.” He took the cup from Dieter and sipped gingerly at the liquid. As always, it was almost but not entirely completely unlike tea. He grimaced, but swallowed anyway. 

“I hate tea,” Dieter said. “And what do you mean Earth’s gone? I was there last week. I think.”

“More like last year,” Ford said. “You’ve got a bit of freezer burn, mate.” He pointed out the frizzled ends of Dieter’s hair and some discoloration on the hem of his dressing gown. “Probably some Gozerians out picking up ‘specimens’ for jollies and forgot you in the freezer.”

“Whoa, there’s two of them!” Zaphod wandered into the lounge. “You been playing with that DIY cloning kit you got for your twelfth birthday again, Ford?”

“I don’t look anything like him,” Arthur protested. “I mean, look at us side by side.”

Zaphod tilted one head to the side, while the other stared up at the ceiling. “Yeah, okay, I can see it now. That one’s handsome.” He pointed at Dieter. “The other one is … not.” He turned to Ford. “Which one is yours again?”

“The not one,” Ford said. 

“Shame,” said Zaphod. “But I suppose two is almost as cheap to keep as one. He probably eats tea and biscuits like yours, right?”

“I hate tea,” Dieter said firmly. “And I want a KitKat. And an explanation. And a drink. And a joint. At the least.”

“The drink, I can provide,” Zaphod said. He pushed a button on the wall and a cabinet opened, displaying an array of exotic liquors. He used all three arms to pour a colorful concoction into a large snifter, which he handed ceremoniously to Dieter. “Not exactly a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster,” he said sadly, “but the best I can do without a full bar.”

Dieter sniffed the drink, took a cautious sip, and then tipped the glass back, downing the entire beverage in three gulps. “Now about that KitKat …,” he said before his eyes rolled up in his head and he collapsed in a drunken heap on the floor.

Ford and Zaphod exchanged impressed looks. “Four seconds,” Ford said. “Not bad for such a primitive life form.”

“Humans are not primitive,” Arthur protested. This produced a look from Ford that quickly silenced him. Images of war, corporate greed, environmental destruction and reality television swarmed his brain. Sometimes he forgot Ford was mildly telepathic. “Well, compared to Vogons, we aren’t,” Arthur muttered. 

“Your poetry’s better, I’ll give you that,” Zaphod said. “But what are we going to do with two humans?”

“Three,” Arthur pointed out. “Trillian’s human, too. There are three of us.”

“I meant two useless humans,” Zaphod said patiently. “Trillian is a woman. Earth women are amazing. Earth men …” He waved two of his hands derisively at Arthur and Dieter. It was justified in Dieter’s case, as he was drooling on the floor, but Arthur felt rather disrespected.

“At any rate,” Ford chimed in, “I’m sure we can find someone somewhere who wants a pet Earthman. They’re quite rare, after all.”

Now Arthur was properly indignant. “I say, you don’t consider me your pet, do you?”

Ford patted him on the shoulder. “No, no, of course not, mate. But not everyone in the galaxy is as enlightened as I am.” He nodded toward Dieter. “And just look at him.” Dieter was now curled up in the fetal position, sucking half heartedly on the end of his dressing gown belt, making little whimpering noises and muttering the words “KitKat” and “feathers” in an odd accent. 

Arthur shrugged. After all, the man had clearly said he hated tea. Perhaps he did need a minder. 

***************************************************************

Dieter woke up with the worst hangover of his life. “Take these,” a voice said, handing him two white tablets and a glass of water. The voice seemed friendly enough, so he swallowed the tablets and almost immediately felt better. His vision cleared and his head stopped pounding.

“What the fuck?,” he said, rubbing his hand through his hair. He really needed to stop dropping acid without supervision. “This isn’t my hotel room.”

“No, it’s not,” the voice said. Dieter looked up. It was a blonde woman, seated on a chair. He was on the floor surrounded by a small puddle of drool, but that didn’t stop him from attempting to smooth down the hair he’d just disheveled.  

“Um, hi,” he said. She was a bit of a looker. “Is this … your room?”

“It’s the lounge of the Heart of Gold,” she said.

“I thought this was the Westwood Arms Hotel and Conference Centre,” he said. 

The woman sighed. “I’m Trillian,” she said. “And this is the spaceship Heart of Gold. You aren’t on Earth anymore, I’m afraid.”

Thoughts swirled in Dieter’s head. He remembered a bit about last night: some guy with two heads and three arms making him a drink; someone mentioning Earth being missing; and either another guy wearing a bathrobe or the world’s worst mirror reflection. “Um … if I’m not on Earth, then I guess there aren’t any KitKats available?”

“No, sorry,” Trillian said. “I might be able to replicate you a KotKat but they aren’t really the same. Mostly because they come from Arcturus Prime and the closest thing to chocolate on that planet is the vomit of a peculiar green dung beetle.”

Dieter felt nauseated, but whether it was the aftermath of whatever chemical was still pickling his brain, or the dung beetle, he couldn’t tell. “Yeah, no, that’s fine,” he said. “So, um, this spaceship …”

Trillian stood up. “You can watch the educational tapes later,” she said. “Right now, you need to get cleaned up. Zaphod put out a classified ad for you and there’d been some interest. The showers are this way.”

Dieter struggled to his feet, swaying lightly. “Um, okay,” he said. “I’m Dieter, by the way. Would you like to have sex with me?” Now that he was sure his head wasn’t going to fall off, he thought he would shoot his shot. Trillian was the most attractive person he’d seen on this ship so far, and he might as well start at the top.

“No,” Trillian said simply. “I don’t think Zaphod would like it much, and besides …” She looked him up and down, her face indicating a certain degree of disgust. 

Dieter shrugged. It was like that sometimes.

***************************************

“The Antarian Brain Slugs just want to eat his brains,” Ford said, shaking his head. “We can’t waste a perfectly good endangered species, even if the price is right.”

“But capitalism, man!” Zaphod’s arguments tended to boil down to whatever would get him the most booze and/or sex. 

Ford snorted. “There is more to life than money, dear Zaphod.”

“Name one thing.”

“Alcohol.”

“Money can buy it.”

“Sex.”

“Again, money …”

Ford groaned. “Friendship?”

“Friends are ten for a dollar on Jabbux.”

Ford screwed up his face as he thought very hard. It was like watching a seal try to fly. “Inner peace!”

Zaphod laughed. “The monks of Zelus Three have a ten part course you can buy, inner peace and enlightenment guaranteed. I’ve done it six times. I’m ultra-enlightened.”

“Well, anyway, we’re not selling Dieter to the Antarians,” Ford grumbled. “How about this offer?”

Zaphod peered at the screen with one head, while the other was picking its nose. “Hmmm … Fashonia Six. Never been there. Might be good for a laugh. And we can pick up some new clothes for your Earthman while we’re there. That dressing gown is getting a bit tatty.”

“Fashonia Six it is,” Ford said. “Laying in coordinates. Engaging Infinite Improbablity Drive in twenty minutes.” He flicked on the PA system. “All hands, prepare for improbability in twenty minutes. Repeat. Improbability in twenty.”

***********************************************************

“What the fuck?”

Arthur had found that Dieter was quite fond of that sentence. He had said it approximately thirteen times in the past three hours. 

“We’re heading somewhere fast,” Arthur explained. “We’d best get to the rubber room.”

“Rubber room?”

“So we don’t hurt ourselves when things go pear shaped,” Arthur said. “And I mean literally pear shaped. Once I went banana shaped and I was terrified of monkeys for a week.” He led the other man down the corridor toward the rubber room. Trillian was already there, checking the integrity of the restraints. 

“You can have the deluxe seat,” she told Dieter, “as this is your first time experiencing improbability.” 

“Lucky bastard,” Arthur said. “It has a cup holder.” Once, he’d unthinkingly brought his tea (not tea) with him and it had spilled all over the rhinoceros, which had made for an uncomfortable silence, not to mention the tragic loss of tea (not tea). 

He and Trillian strapped Dieter into the seat, double checking all the buckles and tie downs and bungee cords. “Is all this really necessary?” Dieter asked.

“You’ll find out,” Trillian said ominously. Arthur simply gave Dieter a cheery thumbs up before taking his own (cup holder-less) seat. He cinched the belts tight and slid his hands into the restraining cuffs. 

Zaphod and Ford strolled in, discussing the results of the latest Ultra-Racquetball match. It was a slow point in the sports season.

“T-minus five minutes,” Ford said, as he assumed his seat. 

Arthur leaned toward Dieter. “It’s rather fun once you let your mind go mad,” he said. “The first time is the worst. Or the best, depending on how strong your ties to reality are to begin with. I threw up six times. That means my mind was exceptionally dull and boring.”

“T-minus two minutes,” Ford said. “Hang onto your heads, everyone.”

*******************************************

Dieter had experienced most drugs available on Earth, and yet what happened next was beyond anything he had ever seen, felt, smelt, tasted, or heard. Thirteen blue impalas pranced through the room; the fact that three of them were automobiles made the display even more impressive. His hands turned into hamburgers and were devoured by his feet. Arthur became roughly the shape of a large lemon, although his skin was a delicate shade of puce spotted with purple-black blotches. Trillian was riding a one horned lion with ballet shoes on. Zaphod was conversing with a large piece of cardboard. Ford was floating upside down while wearing a skirt made of rhubarb. All of this in just the first four seconds. After that, things got weird.

Dieter’s mind floated freely through the madness. He tasted aquamarine and saw a high C note. Words and feelings drifted past him and he latched onto some of them. A platypus dealt him a hand of poker and he won a stack of plastic chips that turned out to be tiny flying saucers full of minuscule green men wearing blue kilts, who promptly shot him with their ray guns and disappeared. It rained Gatorade and a forest of pickles sprang up around him. 

All too soon, a voice began to soothingly chant, “Normality in thirty seconds. Twenty nine. Twenty eight …” By the time the voice had reached “five,” the room was almost back to its original state, save for a slight tinge of lavender and the lingering scent of frogs.

“Whoa,” Dieter said. “I don’t know what that was, but I liked it.”

Arthur goggled at him, his face very pale. There was a dribble of vomit on the collar of his dressing gown. “You … you liked it?”

“Dude, I’ve dropped acid, smoked peyote, drunk ayahuasca, injected stuff some guy in a lab in the back of a panel van cooked up on his Coleman stove,” Dieter said. “But that was the best trip I’ve ever been on.”

Zaphod laughed. “Ford, are you sure you don’t want to trade in your Earthman for this one? He’d be a lot more fun at parties.”

Ford frowned. “I’m rather fond of Arthur, actually. I think I’ll keep him.”

“Aw, that’s sweet,” Dieter said. “Would you like to have sex with me?” 

Ford ignored him and Dieter shrugged. Two down, two to go. He might still get laid, although the idea of settling for Arthur was really dragging him down.

*************************************

Fashonia Six was a small but tasteful planet, close to Fashonia Five, which was much larger and filled with factories where clothing was made from the fibers grown on Fashonia Four. No one talked about Fashonia Three, which was a penal colony for those who had offended the Fashion Police, who were the ultimate authority in the Fashonia system.

“You did send a picture of him, right, Zaphod?” Trillian asked as they walked along the promenade in Guccitown. Everyone was dressed extremely well, which made Arthur and Dieter stand out like very ugly sore thumbs.

“Yeah,” Zaphod said, heads swiveling about to take in the sights. “No accounting for taste, I guess. Maybe they’re doing one of those extreme makeover thingies?”

Dieter was unimpressed. He’d worked in Hollywood for years, been to countless red carpets and after parties and fashion shows, and honestly had no use for fancy clothes. Flannel pants, a comfy tee shirt, Crocs and a bathrobe for chilly evenings was just fine for him. He dressed up for work, of course, because they paid him obscene amounts of money, but it was never really his jam.

Arthur, on the other hand, seemed cowed by the glamorous people passing them by. It could have been because he was wearing actual pajamas and slippers. Dieter had no use for pajamas. Too formal and matchy-matchy. And slippers fell off your feet so easily. Not like Crocs. Switch those babies to sport mode and you could run all day. If you had to. Dieter was not a big fan of running.

“Here is it, number 42,” Ford said. The building was small but made of elaborately carved marble. The door was painted a tasteful shade of pomegranate, to match the potted pomegranate bushes to either side of the entrance. 

They went inside to find a cream colored waiting room, with ivory colored chairs, eggshell colored tables and a snow colored rug. A bright green door, painted to match the potted lime trees to either side, led to the interior of the building.

“Welcome to the House of Balthazar,” said a soothing voice. “We will be with you shortly.” Soft jazz began to play, as bland and inoffensive as the decor.

“Posh,” Ford said, looking around. “I hate it.”

The door opened and a young woman with pale lavender hair, which matched her dress, which matched the sprig of lavender pinned to her shoulder, entered the room with a tray of champagne flutes. “Balthazar welcomes you,” she said. “Please, have a sparkling beverage before we enter the inner sanctum.”

To Dieter’s disappointment, the beverage in question was not champagne but rather an insipid lemon-lime soda, almost but not entirely like the cheap 7-Up knockoff he’d drunk as a kid. 

When the glasses were empty, the young woman collected them on her tray and led them through the bright green door. The room was empty, save for a table on which a pile of shocking orange fabric had been left in a heap. The woman bowed to them and disappeared through a blue door painted to match the potted blueberry bushes to either side.

They stood awkwardly for a few moments, until a deep voice said, “Welcome to my house.” Dieter looked around, but there was no one else in the room.

“Erm, thank you,” Ford said tentatively. 

The voice chuckled. “I see you are confused. Come closer.”

“Closer to what?” Trillian asked.

“To me.” The pile of fabric began to writhe until it had formed an approximation of a mouth. “It’s rather hard to move on my own, so I hope you don’t mind.”

“Is … is the fabric talking to us?” Arthur asked as Zaphod stepped closer.

“Yeah,” Zaphod said. “Totally hoopy. What are you?”

“I am Balthazar,” the fabric said. “I am a sentient form of polyester, brought to life due to an industrial accident involving a power surge from a lightning strike, a radioactive Canopian cuttlefish, and a misplaced ham sandwich. My intimate knowledge of the inner life of fabric has made me a sought-after designer, but alas, my lack of muscles and skeletal infrastructure makes it extremely difficult for me to get around.”

“Cool,” said Zaphod. “But what does that have to do with us? More precisely, with him?” He pointed a thumb at Dieter, who was still trying to decide if this was part of the trip or if reality had shifted way more than usual.

“It has always been my dream, even before I gained sentience, to be a Leisure Suit,” Balthazar said. “A noble purpose of a member of the polyester tribe. And the finest leisure suits have long been known to be those created in the seventh decade of the twentieth century on the planet Earth. This person is an Earthman, and he would be a worthy frame to carry me into the galaxy.”

Dieter blinked. “Wait, you want me to wear you?” He thought about it. It was kinky, but was it the kind of kink he enjoyed? 

“Yes,” Balthazar said. “I am willing to pay the asking price for your services, as well as a retainer, food and drink, and sleeping accommodations. In exchange, you will transport me wherever I need to go.”

“Room, board and an allowance,” Dieter mused. “I’m listening.”

Arthur was indignant. “But … but that’s insane.”

“Hey, man, it’s no worse than what I’ve been doing,” Dieter pointed out. “I’m an actor. I wear what they tell me, I stand where they tell me, I say what they tell me. In exchange, I get money and fame, which gets me food and booze and drugs and sex. This deal’s not much different. In fact, it might be better, because Balthazar here will do all the talking. I just have to stand there and look good. I’m really good at that.”

“But a leisure suit? A polyester leisure suit?” Arthur looked perplexed. 

“Best of both worlds, dude,” Dieter replied. “It’s a suit, but it’s casual. No tie.” He turned to Balthazar. “I still get to wear my Crocs, right? ‘Cause that’s a deal breaker.”

“Your footwear is your own concern,” Balthazar said. “After all, I want my conveyance to be comfortable. And of course you can wear whatever you like — or nothing at all — at night when we are both resting from the cares of the day.”

“Where do I sign?”

Balthazar shivered and a psychedelic pattern of purple, yellow and blue dots shimmered over his surface. “Whoa!,” said Zaphod. “How’d you do that?”

Balthazar returned to his previous shade of shocking orange. “I told you a cuttlefish was involved in my transformation from mere fabric to sentience. It takes some energy and concentration, but I can change my pigmentation at will.”

“Awesome,” Dieter said. “So, like, a mood suit.” He got a series of blank stares. “You know, like a mood ring? Where the hell were you people in the seventies?”

Arthur blinked. “Oh, yes, that’s right.” He turned to the others and began to explain. “A mood ring was a trinket that changed colors depending on temperature. It was supposed to show the mood of the wearer …” 

Here Zaphod cut him off with a wave of two hands. “Yeah, whatever. The main thing is, do I get my finder’s fee?”

“Of course,” said Balthazar. “Margot will write you a check. Margot!”

The young lavender-haired lady came back into the room, with a stack of papers and a large silver and turquoise pen. “I have everything ready, Balthazar,” she said, delicately sliding a portion of him over to clear room on the table for her work. “Excuse me, sir,” she said, flushing slightly, her hands trembling a little. Dieter didn’t really notice, because he was busy checking out her ass. Yeah, maybe he wouldn’t have to settle for Arthur after all, although the idea of what Zaphod could do with two heads and three arms still intrigued him …

********************************************

Arthur was pouting. He was still angry at Zaphod for interrupting his explanation of the mood ring, and even angrier at Ford and Trillian for trying to convince him to trade in his pajamas and dressing gown (which were very comfortable and still smelled like Earth) for something more “fashionable.” Now they were back at the House of Balthazar to say goodbye to Dieter.

“Don’t know why I had to come,” complained Marvin, the android. “Brain the size of a planet and they ask me to attend a farewell party for some apeman.”

“Shut up, Marvin,” Arthur snapped. 

“Shut up, Arthur,” said Ford.

Margot greeted them at the door. She was wearing a purple mini skirt with a black leather vest over a lavender blouse. “Welcome to the House of Balthazar,” she said. 

“And Dieter,” said Dieter, who was standing behind her in a shocking orange leisure suit over a purple and white patterned shirt. He had one hand on his hip, striking a dramatic pose.

“Yes, and Dieter,” agreed Balthazar, using the breast pocket of the suit as a mouth. “I must say, the freedom I have experienced since joining forces with Dieter has been delightful.”

As Margot left the waiting room to fetch a tray of drinks, Dieter peered over the tops of his sunglasses. “And the amount of sex I’ve been experiencing is also delightful,” he said. “Get this … Margot has a thing for Balthazar. Always has. So she lets me bang her, as long as I wear the jacket.”

“That’s … interesting,” said Arthur.

Dieter nodded. “And the best part is, Balthazar is ace and I’m bi, so from a distance it looks straight but it’s really queer as fuck. I mean, is there even a word for someone who’s attracted to polyester?”

“Polysexual?,” said Zaphod.

Dieter laughed. “Yeah, I like it. Ace plus bi plus poly equals good times for me.”

“It amuses him,” said Balthazar, “and brings joy to dear Margot, who has worked for me all these years without uttering a word about her feelings toward me. I am quite fond of her, in my way.”

“So, all’s well that ends well, I guess,” said Ford, as Margot returned with actual champagne this time. He clapped Arthur on the shoulder. “Sure you don’t want anything before we leave the planet, mate? Maybe some nice trousers or a sport coat?”

“Balthy can whip you up something,” Dieter said. “On the house.”

Both Balthazar and Margot quickly shushed him. “For a generous discount,” Margot said firmly. Dieter shrugged and tossed back another glass of champagne. 

“No, I’m fine,” Arthur said. “Although I could use a decent cup of tea.”

Everyone laughed as though he’d told a hilarious joke, but as usual, Arthur was dead serious. Really, who could honestly joke about tea?

[paulgadzikowski]

[Image description: Preview panel for the comic strip at the link below. Guinan of Star Trek: The Next Generation and Kara (SUPERGIRL) Danvers of Supergirl stand observing Hank Henshaw contained in a DEO detention cell. Guinan is saying, “You know, Earthpeople are always saying proof of intent comes from actions not words, then promptly throw trust out the window at the slightest falsehood without regard to a preponderance of good works.” Unfortunately there are not image descriptions at the main Hero Of Three Faces site. End description.] 

The Hero of Three Faces is fanfiction crossovers, but it’s comic strips with stick figures, but they’re triangles. Preview panel only. Click here for full cartoon. Or see the on-site navigation tutorial. Or see this blog’s FAQ, or my archive tumblog’s FAQ. Cartoons may contain unmarked spoilers. Cartoons linked from Tumblr 10:00 (Central US time) daily are the previous day’s new update and the posts are pinned to the top of this blog. Cartoons linked from Tumblr 22:00 daily are from the archive and the posts are pinned only during annual summer hiatus of new updates.

Thanks for reading.

[crossoverquest]

Crossover Quest Lore: Earth

In comparison to humans from the Galaxy Far, Far Away, humans from Earth were not as smart. That changed when Space Patrol Delta joined the Revived New Republic. The Revived New Republic helped Earthpeople develop hyperdrive technology that improved terrestrial space travel.

[eleemosynecdoche]

Meta-analysis of "space warships that appeared on-screen in Mobile Suit Gundam (1979-1980)":

All of these spaceships have a clear sense of up and down where "down" is somehow less vulnerable than "up" and needs significantly less coverage. I suspect this would hold true for the AA guns, too. I think this is, in its own way, just a natural consequence of these designs being made as "space battleships" and "space cruisers"- Captain Harlock flew the Jolly Roger from an Arcadia in 1977 which had only two twin Pulsar Cannons on the top side, after all, and it wasn't until Arcadia of My Youth that Harlock put a third turret on the underside. Design evolving from a set of basal assumptions rather than being truly blue-sky.

Now, I think this is interestingly meaningful in making both Earth Federation and Zeon ultimately earthbound and constrained by the assumptions of gravity. Spacenoids and Earthpeople (or "Earthnoids", if you must) are social classifications without any essential differences. I don't know if any of these connections were intentional at the time or in retrospect, and to an extent I doubt it, but it's a charming thing to pull from a lesser part of the world of these robots.

[heroofthreefaces]

Preview panel only. Click here for full cartoon. Or see the on-site navigation tutorial. Or see this tumblog’s FAQ. Cartoons may contain unmarked spoilers. Cartoons linked at about 10:00 Central US are new and link posts are pinned to the top of the blog. Cartoons linked at about 22:00 are from the archive and are only pinned during annual summer hiatus of new cartoons. Thanks for reading.

[Image description: Preview panel for the comic strip at the link. Steven and the Doctor, tetchy incarnation, of Doctor Who stand in the TARDIS console room. Unfortunately there are not image descriptions at the main Hero Of Three Faces site. End description.]

Outside the panel borders of today's The Hero of Three Faces update, alongside the usual Black Lives Matter protestors, is Colonel Steve Trevor carrying a protest sign reading, "TRANS RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS".

If you look at the Three Faces site daily you may have noticed that for the past few days the four support flags in the top banner - the rainbow flag, Black Lives Matter, the Autistic Self Advocacy Network flag, and the trans flag - have been replaced by a quadruple-wide trans flag. Today it's half trans and half Black Lives Matter and I mean to keep it that way indefinitely. I don't want to give over keeping my position on Black Lives Matter as visible as I've made it for the past few years. But the vicious, rampant current fascist scapegoating campaign against trans people by the conservatives in the U.S., and not only in the U.S., is progressing toward a new holocaust with alarming apparent implacablility. Not that black people and P.O.C. aren't being targeted also.

Steve Trevor is the only character to have appeared at Three Faces before now to be out as trans there (excepting any I'm unaware of or am overlooking who are trans in their screen or publishing continuities). Just as the Black Lives Matter protestors at Three Faces have always been confined to black or P.O.C. Earthpeople, which is to say people representing the issue, I want to bring in more trans rights protestors who are trans characters, whether or not they're explicitly trans already in-text at Three Faces or already in their home continuities. Tomorrow I mean to bring in Dreamer and Perry the Platypus.

I'm open to suggestions/requests, for protestors and also for other sign mottoes. (Not that trans people aren't well-represented among the rotating hashtag names which the Black Lives Matter protestors carry, but I don't track that about them and don't necessarily remember which are which.)

[washwashgalaxy]

DELIGHT By Vavroovahana Patra

DELIGHTGod pacifies humansHumans enjoy beautyFamily smiles in cordialityChildren dance delightfully Sparrows charp lovinglyWomen lure men heartilyMen embrace women lovinglyFragrance of love pervades Women, men enjoy gleefully Peace pervades in earthPeople enjoy in mirthSunbeams kisses us We live in love, peace, blissPray Almighty gaudilyBlessings showers divinely Vavroovahana Patra, India 09:28…

[orange-the-nice-imposter]

To blue: well.... nothing can be changed now what is done is done there's nothing to do either learn to accept lotus had to it or linger on never finding peace I don't expect you to change your mind but put some thought into it and see from lotus's perspective

ME!Blue: ... Maybe I'll try.

Lime: Don't waste your time answering these earthpeople and help me make a plan to kill that traitor!

ME!Blue: No thank.

[rennyji]

remaining remaining remaining tweets not on Tumblr yet, on Tumblr.

UPDATED 2/22/2024 10:27 PM with italicized section in particular, towards bottom

You ever have a conversation with someone, and they tell you, "let them speak first," and they start saying untrue/accusatory things, where, then, you have to interrupt, otherwise rendering everyones time useless?

have U ever spoken 2 some1, recounting a past argument, where they said U were "hyper" in place of "frustrated"? Sometimes diction can paintAn entirelyDifferent context/picture. "Hyper" implies some1 without self control, spewing nonsense. "Frustrated" implies some justification.

With Batman Beyond ( #BatmanBeyond ) , I remember its debut when I was younger. Unlike some of the CGI Batman series on MAX, the old stuff was gold. I liked the time travel twists with future Static Shock, or the twist at the end, where it turns out Terry McGinnis is Bruce's son.

I realize The Beatles ( #TheBeatles #Beatles ) are such a favorite among people because the lyrics to their songs are catchy and fun enough for everyone to just sing along. Kind of like "We will rock you."

#WhenTheGoingGetsRough Nikki Haley ( #Nikki #Haley #NikkiHaley ) , as the tough, gets going. She is eloquent & sharper,among all running. U don't need another test or State of the Union ( #StateOfTheUnion ) I elaborate in my Tumblr blog post, below:

Text comparison tools, like Free WinMerge (or paid counterparts) allow people 2 compare 2 separate texts & files, side by side, 4 differences b/w them. Say U have a website that's frequently updated. U can highlight differences from original text w/this. https://winmerge.org/?lang=en

U know whats comical about swastika painters on Jewish temples? It's because it's actually an Indian/Hindu symbol 4 good fortune. In India, people mark houses with this symbol. Hitler/Nazis distorted meaning. The Aryans? Actually Northern Indians. 1000 year Reich? From the 1000 yr reign of a Hindu avatar. Hitler, the guy who wasn't even blonde hair/blue eyed just took concepts from another group of people and their religion.

Ive often wondered if Earth is cosmically special by God thru creation as said in Genesis. Many planets don't have moons. It influences ourBehavior b/c of water composition. Constellations coincide w/human personalities. Is Earth unique 4testing human character 4 salvation?-

-EarthPeople look different-whether it's British, Chinese/etc. Ive wondered if theres a British planet, anAfrican planet, etc. Every1 has a creation/flood story, where a non-human entity selects/warns select-few. Like seedingAmerica w/differentCultures but on a planetaryScale.-

-America-Its like some1 cosmicallySignificant wanted2 C if different looking people could come 2gether & C individuals 4internal aspects like intellect&personality. Like experiment from a federationOfPlanets- AmericanRevolution succeeded inIndependence underUnlikelyCircumstances.

w/America fighting great odds 2 come 2 form, I dont agree w/Trump's GestapoStyleDeportation of illegals w/military or his separation of parentsFromChildren. Military should be used 2 patrol heavy illegal areas 4 order. Dont agree w/Nazi style Alabama nitrogenGas executions.-

military deportation of illegals seems 2 be Trump's ploy of targeting rage/hatred part of admirable fire of his followers. U'll get cheers & approvals, but America being America needs 2 walk hard path of compassion & work arounds like a stone border wall. Defense, not offense.

We need 2 look @ content of people's characters. Pronouns R 2-3 letter words. Person's character?= something invisible/powerful/magical. That said, I don't get Y people get worked up over pronouns or stone border wall ideas. Whats bad about a stone wall? wall=job opportunity, in terms of building and if you can make it into - I'm going to say it - a tourist attraction like the Chinese Great Wall.

when it comes 2 abortion & question of when life begins, as brought up again w/Alabama 's perspective on frozen embryos, we need 2 treat question of "when life begins" on a granular level. It's not when a clonable body is born, but when a mind, a soul, a personality is born. A body is a vessel for the immortal soul, the very Breath of Life from God, as given to Adam.

If we can take the THC out of marijuana for legal consumer use, I wish they'd do something about the smell. Maybe that's the illegal marijuana? I don't know, never smoked it...but the smell is recognizable and now common in parking lots, outside stores, in neighborhoods...

Guardians of the Galaxy ( #GuadiansOfTheGalaxy ) is a feel good movie about family/friend/adventure I can watch again & again on cable. It isn't explicitly playful or innocent, or tries as hard like in Thor: Love & Thunder . Can't wait till Avengers 5 or whichever number is next.

how many plane parts are coming off, and how many subway trains & regular trains have recently been derailed? Is it because of increased drug use or various brain dampening instigators that's causing carelessness that leads to these accidents and, additionally, violent behaviors?

Life is like a game of Super Monkey Ball ( #SuperMonkeyBall #MonkeyBall ) #WednesdayMotivation #WednesdayThought ... its about creating walls 4 our life, 4 us 2 ball back on when trials/tribulations of living strike. ideaExtended in Tumblr blog postBelow:

insteadOf military massDeportation of illegals In USA, Y notUse army @ border 4 increasedManPower? #StopProblemAtSource & stop future illegals. Venezuela? UseArmy 2Help w/political unrest. Syria/Turkey? Work w/Mexico 2 stopAirTravel, otherwise now their population.Use #Diplomacy.

8th Amendment Cruel & Unusual Punishment “Excessive bail shallNot B required, nor excessiveFines imposed, nor cruel&unusual punishmentsInflicted.” Like $355 million 4 Trump fraud or $148 million 4 Guliani defamation case. How much is enough, 4restitution & resultingLifeOfLuxury.

Average salary 4 American w/college degree is $50,000/$100,000 4 others. Trumps $355 million loss/Guliani’s $148 million is revenge money not justice. America isMore justice, Id expect. Sounds like something Russia does w/LA American ballerina, w/life imprisonment 4 $51 donation.

Fraud prosecution penalty against Trump is abusive. -no harm done 2 any1, although rooted in deceit- price of lying on figures is not 1/2 a billion dollars=Clear vendetta. Against 8th Amendment. Not as Navalny. More like Russia giving imprisonment 2 L.A. female 4 $51 donation.

Biden energy policy,risk 3000+ jobs. coat/non-renewableEnergySources notSustainable I.e. causesDamage 2PlanetUr children/grandchildren http://live.New energyPolicies shouldCome inStages: 1.alertPublic onPolicy 2.slowlyPhase outJobs, whileProvidingTraining 4greenerJobs.-

When Biden's energy policies take away jobs, it becomes chess piece the opposing party will try 2 move 2 win an election. They'll say we're bringing back jobs. If they win, next administration just undoes what previous administration did-this political back & forth b/w them. So, with energy policies taking away jobs, don't just abruptly pull the plug.

Boeing has some parts made by subcontractors, some parts shipped from Malaysia. Page from Apples book? B/c hardware&software from same company, they make functionally stabile machines. Need to make it cheaper 2 localize/centralize American manufacturing.

MacBooks R a luxury w/unwanted headaches…not like standard Windows features people accustomed to. Need 2 relearn laptop. Docks/software/accessories specific 2 Mac more expensive. 4multi-monitor limitation on MacBooks while windows notebooks have 5, = another limitation of Mac.

Another limitation of another #Apple product: the Apple Watch , (#AppleWatch #iWatch) is how you can scroll/slide thru a song on #iPhone ( iPhone ) but not Music app/Spotify on iWatch. At least allow skip capability with the iWatch bezel...

Apple hardware infused w/ Microsoft Windows features w/Linux fused terminal/command prompt or compatible commands ( 'mkdir' 'ls' etc.)...a melding of these vendors would produce such an awesome machine if allowed to work with cross platform software/accessories...time 4 unity...

I wasn't a fan of how Doctor Strange ( #DoctorStrange ) took Tom Holland 's ( #TomHolland ) universe's memory of him being Spider-Man ( #Spiderman Spiderman ). It was also sad how, in Disney+ 's ( #Disney ), What If ( #WhatIf WhatIf) series, he was made 2 be the ultimate villain.

I sympathize with Israel. But while so much attention goes to a music festival and the infamous Kibbutz Bei Rei, people don't realize that because of the actions of a few: Hamas, over 20,000 Palestinians have died. North and South of Gaza has been decimated. Electricity has been cut, food is short, shelter is scarce. When I see it, I write it.

I sympathize with Israel. But while so much attention goes to a music festival and the infamous Kibbutz Bei Rei, people don't realize that because of the actions of a few: Hamas, over 20,000 Palestinians have died. I think-don’t quote me- more Palestinians died than Israelis and the bulk of the coverage in Israel centers around those two events, where horrible things like rapes did occur. But North and South of Gaza has been decimated. In Gaza, Electricity has been cut, food is short, shelter is scarce, disease is spreading/people are dying. You’re also creating future enemies because of hardship.

I do not mean to put pressure on one candidate over another, but we need someone sharp, and able to finish sentences and perspectives, without making up words like “big-ly” (the English language is deteriorating). The sharp individual implied is Nikki Haley, or someone equally good, who measures to the bar of hard work she set.

There is a degradation of culture in  western world: I’m not 1 to call himself religious, but I believe & have insight…I have respect for these practices. A Commandment: Don’t Use My Name in Vain- outta respect, should avoid rhetoric like [Jesus] F* [Christ] or [Holy] f* [God]-

-Y blame God 4 ur’s or other’s choices? God didn’t cause my decade long situation. People did,& their enablers. Nature of existence defined in literal/figurative Adam/Eve story. 4 a bad choice, toil on earth was the punishment.We have power to choose & responsibility of choices.-

- Fate is the framework of our existence. It’s what we are born into. The framework says where the floor and ceiling are. Destiny is how high or low we “choose” to go within the framework of fate.- some people work hard to go above the ceiling.

Our souls(minds) R a chariotDriver, driving Horses that R our emotions/feelings/commitments, inFormOf thought/speech/action. On #SaturdayMorning , as #SaturdayVibes , #SaturdayMotivation , & #SaturdayThought, I extend perspective in Tumblr blog post below:

Theres a time 2 look up, look straight ahead, &inward. U look inward, when U need 2 think thru aProblem. U look straight 2 keep urEyesOpen 4 a solution, & u look up when its time 2 leave 2 God 2 handle the results after U do ur best-ur part. #SaturdayThought #SaturdayMotivation

A link 2 Tumblr blog page below, with tweets, right side up/organized, summing up my situation. There R other tweets & other Tumblr links among those tweets, ordering what came prior, as U scroll down. Note embedded clips as U scroll.

-------

Section below added on the evening of 2/22/2024 at 10:27 PM

Theres 8 million+ migrants in America. In highSchool, learned normal USA population was 350 million (more now). So I wondered, 4 every 1 migrant, how many Americans are there. 4 every 1 migrant, theres 40 regular Americans. 1 for every 40, when talking millions seems like a lot.

I saw Superman: Red Son-a non conventional bizarro version of Kansas Superman. Russia is a bizarro dark American superpower. As seen in Ukraine, theyve a surplus of soldiers/ tanks/weapons. Would Biden sanctioning them affect aSelfSufficient nation w/diversity/opportunity of USA?

After 200+ years of existing, USA should be in position 2 help destitute Ukraine conditions & stop old ladies from using their walkers 2 get food distribution, where if theyre lucky, they get chocolate. How sad is it 2 watch some1 at end of life grovel @ a distance 4 chocolate?

We call our elected officials civil servants. W/this fervor 4 wondering what founders implied in constitution, servant has a pretty clear meaning: 1 2 cater 2 people. If Congress passed 2-3 CRs since Oct., risking pay of army/etc, w/no risk 2 own, amidst vacations, wats goingOn?!

USA is mix of rich man thatHoarded & starved Lazarus, & is country w/most potential 2 have house in order, 2 take of other countries. In latterStory, were the 1s who buried our potential, our 1 coin, amidstThe 5&10 coiners, who doubled portion. We risk losing&world walkingOverUs.

I trulyHope thisIs Renaissance of Space Age. Haven’t made progress in 50 years. W/evenMore advanced tech, still can’t emulate pastSuccesses. I think in 20 yrs, Earth population wentFrom 6 billion to 8 billion. We need 2take advantageOf moon/mars real estate 4 territory/abundance.

"When talent doesn't work hard, hard work beats talent."

Line b/w law & religion doesnt have 2 B about 1 or the other. Religion&stories can B used 2guide Law&fact. Ex. whatIsLife?(isIt soul/developing brain emittingBrainWaves-ifByThatMeaning,itCoincides w/baby 1st receivingOxygen, or BreathofLife-U might need 2limit abortion to 6weeks

InterpretLaw w/changing times/circumstance. In SQL DatabaseProgramming, aViewIsAVirtualTable containing rows/columns, justLike realTable. FieldsInAView R fieldsFrom 1orMore realTables. LawInterpretations R aView 4EZ reference basedOn prev.ExistingLaws,whenByItSelfUnclear. See 2 pics in LINK below. The 2nd pic or pic on right, shows how the different shades, representing columns in tables on the left, get mixed into one single table with the borrowed shades, on the right.

https://x.com/RennyJi/status/1760865025453957440?s=20

[paulgadzikowski]

They say the reason he didn't speak with Tennant's own accent after regenerating from the heart of the TARDIS is because he'd imprinted on Rose. If three, four regenerations later she was still running off that imprinting ...

EDIT Or maybe that's just what she thinks blonde Earthpeople's hair looks like

Something I think about a lot is how the 13th Doctor clearly has dyed-blonde hair. She has visible dark roots. This can mean two things: Either Time Lords can just... regenerate with funky, non-natural-human hair colours (perhaps like how Time Ladies always seem to regenerate into a full beat of makeup..), OR that the regeneration energy of 12 to 13 fried her otherwise naturally brown / black hair into a blonde.

Of course, the latter leads to so much potential. Does the Doctor now have to upkeep her dye job? Does she disappear sometimes for "five minutes" only for Yaz to stare disapprovingly at her grown-out roots? Has any of the Fam ever taken her to a hair salon or does she bleach her hair in the TARDIS console room with a jug of water and some totally-safe-don't-worry Space Bleach that nearly sets the console on fire when she bumps into it? Where is all the art of 13 with dark hair?

I need answers.

[vongyi]

Strange things on earthPeople related to Sam Rainsy must be punished,Khm...

[impermanent-art]

‘What About Tomorrow’s Children’

Recent photo of this classic 2011 work by Mear One on a Silver Lake rooftop.

[iamoppo]

Screenshot from the “Red” video

[paulgadzikowski]

There are exceptions. Worf is into Klingon opera. Garak gets Bashir into Cardassian novels, sort of (Bashir finds them tediously formulaic).

Going a little farther afield, Teal'c tells a Jaffa joke once. The referents are obscure to Earthpeople.

But it's a problem endemic to most or all screen specfi. It's always the traveler from contemporary Earth firing off the pop culture references and there're never any from the surrounding people who, you know, share a pop culture.

My one problem with Star Trek is that no one is ever consuming contemporary media. As in media that's contemporary for their time period. Everyone is always reading old novels and practicing classical music. They study Klingon Opera or read old Cardassian mysteries. No one is ever like really into obscure Klingon Nightcore. Nobody is reading shitty Ferengi pulp novels. There's no kids media of any kind. Where is space Sesame Street or junior novels about gaining superpowers from a warp core accident? What about comic books? Nobody is playing crappy indy holodeck games. It's always some recreation of a historical battle or just lounging in a mud pit at some alien spa. Someone give me angsty Bajoran protest music. I need some rebellious teens producing the worst most cacophonous death metal techno that they recorded in an empty cargo bay. I need contemporary pop culture in Star Trek.

[starseededhippie]

[ozlemyeni]

A sneak peeks to a clay piece of Earthpeople solo show that will display on July ♥️ I did indeed enjoy making these pieces, and for glazing using an airbrush was a bit challenging for me, but at the end of it, I love the results!!! Thank you sooooo much to my Dear Master Michele Savoye for teaching me everything about clay and glaze 🙏🏻 very much appreciated and I am so grateful for everything you did for me♥️♥️ . . . . ©️ozlemyeni #ozlemyeni #earthpeople #mountisa #nature #earthy #earth #landscape #seramik #ceramics #clay #whiteraku #raku #kiln #contemporaryart #expressionism #life #naturelove #tbt #love #glaze #ironoxcide #clayworks #ceramic #sprayglazing #australia (at Arts on Alma Inc) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxRJZyFABa1/?igshid=38aqqq80765g

[earthtrillionaire]

earth trillionaire, earth trillionaires, millionaireceoclub.com, https://www.MillionaireCEOclub.com