#early morning conversations
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Reality has no place in our world
“Mom, stop. You can’t do this,” Rory said. She didn’t fold her arms in front of her chest or glare, two gestures Lorelai herself might have chosen to accompany giving an order, but then Rory was a better person that Lorelai would ever be and also, not nearly as accomplished at glaring; unlike Lorelai, she hadn’t spent the formative years of her facial expression life under the tutelage of Emily Gilmore and neither Luke nor Michel every gave Rory a hard time.
Rory didn’t look angry or exasperated or impatient. She looked a little frustrated, a little tired, and mostly, disappointed. Christ, it was so early, the sky still the dull dark of the moonless hour before dawn, and she’d already made Rory give her that look, the one that wasn’t a glare, and speak in that tone.
“Do what? The cha-cha?” Lorelai shuffled a bit, shimmying a lot more. “Wake up before my alarm—check. Face the future without fear? On it—”
“You can’t leave Max. You can’t run away the day before your wedding,” Rory said. “You can’t do that to him.”
“No?” Lorelai said, as if she was going to add Try me or watch me or you’re not the boss of me, when it came out sounding like a real question and she was open to alternate suggestions, which as she said it she realized was, in fact, the truth.
“No. You can’t. Whatever’s going on inside your head, you can’t be that mean to him, to just leave. You can’t be cruel because you’re freaking out,” Rory said. “You’re freaking out, right?”
“So, I’m mean and cruel? Did you forget nasty?” Lorelai said, crossing her own arms in front of her. Someone ought to and it didn’t seem like Rory was going to. She carefully avoided answering the freak-out question, though it didn’t take a world-class genius to raise the hypothesis.
“I didn’t say any of that and you know it. This isn’t some cute rom-com, where you can ditch the guy at the altar and then there’s some montage of a roadtrip or a bunch of zany, over-caffeinated high-jinks,” Rory said.
“That sounds better than this,” Lorelai said. “A lot better. What’s the soundtrack?”
“It’s not. It’s not real,” Rory replied, ignoring her attempt at deflection. “You have to call Max. You have to talk to him, before you decide to do whatever you decide to do.”
“I do?” They both heard the reference to wedding vows and Lorelai raised an eyebrow. Rory frowned.
“Don’t make this weirder, Mom. Call Max. I’ll get the phone,” Rory said.
“Okay. Fine. You’re obviously not going to let this go,” Lorelai said. Was she a little relieved that Rory had called out her imminent scarpering? Around 23% seemed fair.
“I’m not,” Rory agreed. “You’ll thank me for it.”
“Don’t press your luck, kiddo—"
She called.
Max answered on the second ring, his voice the kind of growly that meant she’d woken him, which wasn’t a huge surprise because it was still hovering around 5 am. They didn’t talk for long. She asked him to come over and he said he’d be there in 20 min without asking any questions why, which was big of him given the time and date and she knew she herself would have expected some kind of explanation and probably would have taken more like 40 min to get to his apartment, because she damn well would have made a travel-mug of coffee even if she was heading over in yesterday’s jeans and the first tee-shirt she could put her hands on.
With only 20 min, she made a pot of coffee and put on fresh jeans. She didn’t change her tee-shirt. The coffee had been Rory’s idea. Lorelai recognized Rory was looking for other ways to keep her from bolting besides guilt and that coffee, naturally, was the best available approach. Lorelai sat at the kitchen table and waited for Max, letting Rory be the one to open the front door and then take herself off to Babette’s, since it was too early for anywhere else to be open.
“What’s wrong?” Max said, sitting across from her, a mug of coffee in front of him, untouched. Lorelai herself was also untouched, Max forgoing a hug or a kiss or even his hand on her shoulder or pushing back the loose hair by her cheek. She couldn’t be bitter about it, but she was, a little, even though she knew she was being unreasonable.
“Why do you think something’s wrong?” she countered, as if this would be some kind of ordinary sparring, like whether Al’s food could ever truly be called Chinese or if Brandy was a good name for a dog.
“Why do I—it’s 5:23, you called and asked me to come right over. There’s no good news you deliver that way,” he said, pretty calmly given that he could well be deeply frustrated, annoyed or outright enraged at her dancing around. He hadn’t even gotten to see her cha-cha.
“Maybe I do, maybe that’s something you don’t know about me—”
“Lora, enough,” he interrupted and she couldn’t have said whether it was hearing the nickname only he ever used or the brevity, just two words, or the tenderness in his voice, in his tired, dark eyes, but something in her broke.
“I don’t think I can marry you,” she said.
“Okay,” he said. “Why couldn’t you wait to tell me?”
“Okay? Okay?!” she repeated, screeching if she were being honest with herself, which is what this whole thing has been supposed to be about.
“I didn’t mean I was happy to hear you say it. It was an acknowledgement, nor approval. Why couldn’t you wait until actual morning?” he said.
“I wasn’t planning this.” She took a sip of her coffee. It wasn’t as good as Luke’s but that was nothing new.
“You weren’t planning this—” he paused, looking at her with a degree of acuity that made her want to flee. Or squirm. She gripped the handle of the mug and hoped it wouldn’t break off in her hand. They sat there for like forever or 47 seconds, she couldn’t be sure. “This wasn’t your idea. This was Rory’s idea, us talking, she’s the only person you’d do this for—”
“I’d do it for you—”
“No, you wouldn’t,” he said. “You were going to leave. You were going to leave me a day before the wedding.”
Well, she’d known he was intelligent and good at reading her and quick, so fucking quick, that was why she’d fallen in love with him—
“Were you going to write a note? Call?” he asked. Lorelai sat, feeling lumpish and pathetic and all betrayal-y, and didn’t say a word. Max closed his eyes for a moment and let out a breath. “You weren’t going to do anything. You were going to run away and someone else was going to have to tell me. To deal with everything.”
“Sookie would’ve called you,” Lorelai said. She tried not to mumble, though she really felt like mumbling, more than she’d ever want to mumble in her whole life.
“You’d have called her from wherever you went,” Max said. “She’s making the wedding cake.”
“Five tiers,” Lorelai said. “All buttercream frosting. She has a thing against fondant.”
“It tastes like shit,” he said. It was quiet between them, so quiet a bird could have twittered or sung its cute little morning song so they could share a smile or the eye-part that went with a smile without actually moving their lips, but it was quiet and she wondered if Max would get up and walk out.
“What’s wrong, Lora?” he said softly, which was a far cry from stomping out or shouting or making a snide, sarcastic remark about her, which were all the responses she would have expected from the other men in her life, Luke, her father, and Christopher respectively, and for the first time, she felt her eyes fill with tears.
“I don’t think I can do it. I’m not—you won’t want, I, I didn’t look at my dress every night,” she said in a rush.
“Is that a thing? Looking at your dress every night?” he said.
“My mother says it is.”
“But you think she’s wrong about almost everything,” he said. He made a good point.
“She said she wanted to, that’s how she knew she wanted to get married,” Lorelai said.
“Maybe that’s not how you’d know,” Max said. “In fact, I would bet good money that it’s not how you’d know, because I know you like your dress but it’s not even a distant second to coffee in your regard.”
“I don’t deserve you,” Lorelai said.
“Have you ever thought you don’t have to? That we don’t care about each other because it’s something we deserve, but because I want you and you want me?” he said.
“You don’t want me,” she said, before she could think twice, could stop herself or figure out something that would come after, some explanation about how there was a much better woman out there for him and he shouldn’t get derailed by her. She didn’t want to be his trainwreck.
“Don’t tell me what I want,” he snapped, then rubbed his face with his hand. “I’m sorry, this is hard. But I know what you expect. You expect me to walk out, plus or minus lashing out at you first.”
“What—”
“It’s what Christopher does. He leaves. It’s what Luke does. He walks away, he shuts down. It’s what you father does. He scolds you and he stalks out,” Max said. “Lora, I’m not going to do that.”
“But why?” she said. “Why not?”
“Because I love you. Because if loving you, I need to leave you, I’m not leaving like that,” he said.
“I was going to,” she said, almost under her breath.
“I know. But you listened to Rory and she wouldn’t let you,” he said and then he scrunched up his forehead in a way that was unfairly adorable. “She’s very insightful. And not here—is she next door at Babette’s?”
Lorelai could count on one hand the number of times Christopher had ever expressed concern about where Rory was, who was looking after her, or uttered a smidgen of praise that wasn’t of the generic “so pretty so smart” variety.
“Yeah, she’s next door,” Lorelai said. “I still don’t think we should get married.”
“I know about Luke,” Max said. Lorelai suddenly understood the expression knocked over with a feather, though she didn’t know who was keeping feathers around for such a purpose. She felt herself goggle at Max and knew it was not her most attractive look, but needs must.
“What do you mean, you know about Luke?”
“He hand-carved a chuppah for you to get married beneath. I can recognize when someone else cares about you. You never asked, but he must have,” Max said.
“Must have asked what?”
“He knows you’re not Jewish. He found out I am and he built a chuppah for you,” he said. “It sure as hell wasn’t for me.”
“You’re Jewish?”
“Yeah,” he said. “My mother’s side. The side that counts. She was a Cohen before she married my father.”
“I had no idea—”
“I didn’t fall in love with you for your astonishing attention to detail and detective skills,” Max said. “I’m in love with you and I know Luke loves you and you love him, but are you going to throw away what we have when I’m not asking you to give him up?”
“What are you saying, Max?” Lorelai shook her head. “Despite what my mother thinks of me, I’m not…kinky.”
“Wow, that is a whole other conversation,” he said, laughing, which was not something she’d had on her bingo card for the discussion about breaking an engagement at the last minute. “I meant, you don’t have to stop caring about Luke, I don’t expect that. I don’t expect him to stop loving you—if there’s anything I can understand, it’s loving you. But not as a husband. Not as Rory’s stepfather—I want that and he doesn’t—”
“How do you know he doesn’t?” Lorelai said. It was the second time this night-into-morning that she’d said something that was intended as a challenge and realized she’d just asked a question of someone she trusted more than herself.
“Because you’ve lived here for over ten years and he’s never said anything, for all the breakfast, lunches and dinners he’s made for you. He’s never asked you out on a date or stayed for pizza or Al’s. He’s never been the one who ran out to the pharmacy to get Tylenol when Rory spiked a fever or needed posterboard for a school project at the last minute,” Max said.
“Rory has never needed a school supply at the last minute,” Lorelai said.
“He’s never made the cupcakes for the bake sale. Sookie did that and she still does,” Max said. He pushed his coffee mug away and left his right hand palm up on the table top. She’d held that hand, felt it cupped around her cheek, pressed against the small of her back and the curve of her ass. It was unclear whether she’d ever touch him again and she wished she could read the future in the creases and lines being picked out by the early morning sunlight.
“Look, I’m not telling you you have to marry me and it’s not a contest and it’s not a guilt-trip. I’m only saying that I love you and I think you love me and what you’re worried about, about needing to choose, about not caring in the right way, the right amount, I think it’s bullshit. It’s partly your mother’s fucking bullshit and some of it is societal expectations and some is your own stuff going back to Christopher and the teenage rebellion that turned into being a teen mom. I want you to be happy, to do what makes you happy, but I want you to know where I stand. What I can live with. You’ll never stop loving Luke and Christopher will always be Rory’s father and I am okay with that, with all of that. Because I fucking love you, Lora.”
“I love you too,” she said. “But maybe, I don’t know if it’s the right way—”
“When has doing anything the right way ever mattered to you?” he replied and she had to laugh because it was true and because he understood her enough to know it and say it.
“I’m not sure it’s enough,” she said.
“What is enough? Is a thousand yellow daisies enough? Is agreeing to call me at 4:53 enough?” he pushed. “This isn’t a rom-com, it’s real life. And we’re not both sixteen, we’re adults. Let me ask you, why did you call me today? I know if was Rory’s idea but you did it, you could have refused, you could be driving to God knows where right now—”
“I wanted to,” she said. “I wanted to hear your voice. I didn’t call because I felt like I owed it to you. I’m not that good a person.”
“I want to talk to you first thing in the morning,” Max said. “I don’t ever want it to be too early.”
“What about too late?” Lorelai said. She’d done a fair job of royally fucking things up for all his protestations to the contrary. The caffeine and sun might be hitting him, he might think twice about sticking around.
“No such thing,” he said. He didn’t move, so she let go of her coffee and put her hand in his. “But maybe you want a new dress?”
“I can’t get a new dress the day before the wedding, Max,” she said, already thinking of that sweet little number she’d seen in a consignment store window in Hartford, all nipped in waist and Givenchy New Look attitude and the look Max would give her if she were walking toward him in it. She thought of Max watching her come closer and Luke watching her walk away until she was in the shadow of the chuppah he’d built. She thought it was impossible and that she’d heard worse ideas and not just from Kirk on any topic.
“Says who?”
She wore the new, second-hand dress.
Max stomped a glass wrapped in a cloth napkin in lieu of a rabbi.
She didn’t take his name. In the receiving line, Luke kissed her cheek and called her Lorelai. Cutting Sookie’s masterpiece (Every tier a different flavor! Homemade quince preserves! Candied white violets!), she didn’t notice the weight of her wedding ring, but she couldn’t look away from the gold band on Max’s hand.
When she woke in the night from a dream full of dread, regret, the terrible mixture of mistake and failure, that hand lay gently on her hip and when she grew too tense, he murmured what’s wrong, Lora and then she could go back to sleep.
#gilmore girls#gilmore girls AU fic#lorelai gilmore/max medina#romance#angst#rory to the rescue#sookie st james#christopher hayden#luke danes#early morning conversations#there is coffee of course#domestic#fix-it fic#wedding dresses#max lays it on the line
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harder than you think
i. When the Narnians stole Edmund away from beneath the Witch's blade, they told him he was safe. This wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either.
ii. They brought him to the Stone Table. It was night. Edmund doubted very much that he would find safety there, for he still recoiled at the name of Aslan. He slept fitfully and woke the next morning before the sun was up.
iii. A sliver of gold just beyond the tent flap captured his attention, there in the dark. Unaccountably, Edmund felt the urge to rise and go towards it.
iv. And there was Aslan, who was supposed to be fearsome, supposed to be dangerous, supposed to be powerful, and he was he was he was. Dimly, Edmund felt himself hitting the ground.
v. But then Aslan said, “Come, Son of Adam. Let us walk a while, and reason together.”
vi. And as they walked together, in the cool dewy grass of early morning, the Lion told Edmund everything that he had ever done.
vii. They were standing in front of the Table when the conversation turned. Aslan spoke a riddle of a house blasted into rubble which he would piece back together overnight. He spoke of flesh being pierced, blood being shed, and of rejected stones being used for new foundations. He spoke about water welling up forever, washing you clean of everything you ever did wrong, all the blood that you ever thought of shedding, everything you ever tried to steal, and a river that carries you home when you can't walk anymore and spits you out brand new when it reaches the sea.
viii. Edmund's head swam. Silently, he yearned for the wisdom to understand what he was being told; or, failing that, at least to remember it for as long as it took him to puzzle it out.
ix. And then, the Witch. Then, the battle. The thrones. A year passed, and winter came. In its time, it melted back to glorious spring.
x. “Edmund,” said Lucy one day. “There's something we need to tell you.” She and Susan were cloaked in springtime gossamer, like fairy queens in poems he only half remembered. They sat on the window seat in his study, holding hands white-knuckled: his two beloved sisters.
xi. “It's about Aslan,” Susan said. “And the White Witch, and how he made her renounce her claim on your blood. The night before Beruna, he went back to the Stone Table.”
xii. “He let her kill him,” Lucy cut in. “Instead of you. And then, because he hadn't done anything wrong, the Emperor's Deeper Magic brought him back to life.”
xiii. “We've been arguing all year about how much to tell you,” said Susan wryly. Then, a little gentler, “We don't want to hurt you, but we feel you ought to be told what he did for you.”
xiv. And Edmund, who had never forgotten what Aslan told him on that cool, dewy morning before the sun came up, shut his eyes and whispered, “I know.”
xv. I know, he said. I know that he died. I know that he did it for me. I know he lived again because I saw him the next day, and the next, and the next. I think I know what it means - or at least, I know the shape of it.
xvi. “Oh,” said Lucy. “We should have realized that he would have told you himself.”
xvii. “Yes. But please, tell me the story all the same.”
#finally returning to this little character study series thing#I really like this one#bc Edmund pretty clearly knows about Aslan's sacrifice in later books but as of the end of lww the girls are still debating#what if anything he should be told#and like. imo that was what the early morning talk was#the gospel presented in that Jesus-y way where he's like 'this is all gonna make sense to you in a little bit once it gets fulfilled'#in addition to some of the more specific stuff about Edmund's specific sin probably#in my head the closest parallel for that conversation would end up being the magician's book with lucy#anyway#this whole series is being posted together on ao3 just so you know#narnia#the traitor who mended#reading fairy tales again#pontifications and creations#leah stories
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Totally just some OCs and not a representation of my current mental status
It's cool we chillin
#yeah yeah thats why i use they/them there's like three of me up in here#only see them super early in the morning at work ❤️❤️#maudiemoods art tag#should i see a psychiatrist? yeah. will i? probably not#i think i just need to drink more water oop#no but we actually have really good conversations most of the time
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early morning doping test & morning wood is not a good combo (who would have thought)
sorry if someone already uploaded this and also sorry for the quality
#max had a lovely friday morning#i would be curious how often did they test the other drivers this season#cranes subtle hints to a morning wood lmao#bc lulham doesnt understand why it takes so long to pee lmao#‘you’re facing upwards when you wake up…surely!’#its crazy that i turned off the stream literally 10 minutes before this conversation#is it too late to change my profession to doping control officer?#getting paid to wake up drivers early and watch them pee in a cup#am i developing a piss kink?#sorry lol#max verstappen#team redline#story time#luke crane#i had to cut out this whole conversation bc i need it on my blog#for reasons#zandvoort24#my post
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exactly one week from now and i’ll (probably) be fully jewish!
#i’m sure it’ll be fine but i’m TERRIFIED#for those who don’t know#i have this thing called a beit din#which is like a conversation with myself my sponsoring rabbi and 2 rabbis i don’t know#and then they determine if they think i’m ready#i know it’s not supposed to be like a test#but it feels like a test#and i am very anxious about it 😅#also it doesn’t help that i’ll have to get up super early in the morning for it#op#jewish stuff
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btw! You were talking about your multi shipping and some secret rare pair. I've been in suspense ever since. What's the pair anyway? Or are you in the middle of making a chart? I'm just real curious
oh lmao did i not say what it was? it's not some 'oooh ahhh' thing i just had a Cute Thought and went "yeah i can dig that!". its simply Niche!
first i was thinkin "aw, yk Barnaby/Eddie is kinda cute" and then immediately went "wait ohhhh established Laughingstock but they fold Eddie into the relationship" and yeah <3
#just a silly little ehee aha fun little Thoughts#barnaby & howdy having a good ol time trying to drop hints & court ed <3#i have taste i Swear#ok thats i lie i can enjoy practically anything but yk....#its cute!!! its Cute!!!#eddie and his tall silly guys!#barnaby and his hard-working chatterbox boys!#howdy and eddie and their laidback hound!!#rambles from the bog#im imagining them reclining against barn after a long day's work#chattering endlessly while barn just sits there in peace. listening of course! chiming in when able!#i feel like howdy and eddie Getting Along or in a Romantic Relationship would be unbearable#they both talk so much... it'd be an endless feedback loop yk#but barnaby has big ears to track both sides of the conversation!!#and if they all move into barnaby's place#im picturing... howdy and eddie having quiet early mornings together before walking to work arm-in-arm <3#but yeah yeah...#romantic pairings aside i Do think that barnaby & eddie have a lot of friend potential!#and i want howdy to get the fuck over his one sided rivalry (kidding! i love it! its one of my favorite things!)#so that he and eddie can just talk endlessly at each other. i think they could get along as well - howdy willing of course#oh i feel character dynamic analysis brain waking up#bc genuinely i think eddie Does want to be pals with howdy#which makes sense! theyre the only working neighbors! Camaraderie! Understanding! Solidarity!#and i feel like that came across a liiiiitle bit in his shared audio with howdy#but howdy's got a stick up his ass (said lovingly) hE tALkS yOuR eAr OfF#*proceeds to talk nonstop at barnaby for the next hour*#howdy: he's trying to steal my place in the neighborhood. he's mocking me. he thinks i don't work half as hard as him#(cut to eddie smiling and waving at howdy from afar - genuinely happy to see him)#ANYWAY DERAILING MY OWN TAGS AGAIN SORRY#yeah i just think its a cute thought to entertain when im bored! its not serious just Fun
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we may not be able to reach out to other universes as it stands right now, but i think it's a very underrated thing that we can speak to folk with those sorts of frames of mind
it becomes a lot easier to see how grand our world is when you share a body with someone who was once so small, a lot easier to appreciate what we have talking to someone just now learning of it all
wish plurality was more widely-known and understood...
#it's very late at night / early in the morning and i'm getting really sentimental about getting to know aspen#and being able to talk with akizet (corru.observer) over discord and have a really nice conversation#(while simultaneously being aware of the time she tried to eat a gatorade flavor packet upon arrival here)#this is an edited version because in my tiredness i made a really stupid claim
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Long stretch before starting the day
#sth#swirlwalker art#shard the metal sonic#ibispaintx#did this on phone while theres a long early morning conversation between my parent and the store keeper#i miss posting sth arts here... may come back once other things are done on my end
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baby talk
#ts4 gameplay#sims 4 gameplay#postcard legacy challenge#their bedroom in the new house is so warm :(#danny's bedside table has his phone / an alarm clock / and a succulent#he also keeps the book he’s currently reading on the bottom#rosie's has an empty mug w a tea bag / a trinket dish / and her water bottle#this conversation happens in the early morning before danny heads to work#rosa has been up listening to a teenage adrien move about the house as he prepares for his day and she realizes that she wants more kids#postcard: gen2#queue#sim: rosa han#sim: danny avagyan
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all the silver bullets girls are going to have a WILD catch up when the war is over. half of them were POWs. annie and brady got together. bucky had to listen to them talking and getting frisk almost every night. bucky and kennedy got together. margie and demarco got together. ALL while LITERAL PRISONERS. carrie and dougie and judy and rosie all probably got married. it’s gonna take like 8 years to cover it all.
actually margie and demarco are in a throuple with macon, can’t forget about my boy like that.
YOU’RE RIGHT ANON!!!! it’s going to be an absolutely INSANE catch-up session all-around. can absolutely imagine it’s the day everyone is reunited again and the Silver Bullets girls just want to take an afternoon for themselves to chat, catch-up and talk and they all absolute DIG DEEP into everything from the past few YEARS LMAO!
and your breakdown of everything is far too superior to try to match so please know everyone would be getting into every aspect of this (and i’d be screaming personally). and i think the common theme of …. finding someone else in war who you love and holding onto them proves to be more powerful than all the horrors of the war combined … and all the girls gets emotional and sappy over it like 🥹 the girlhood of it all! the support! the ability to have that constant group who will always be there for you! and that’s the SB group!
i think by far one of the two hottest topics of conversations are (1) everyone that got together because c’mon, they have their duties but they can’t help but gossip a BIT about their command pilot being engaged to captain john brady LMFAOOOOOO and (2) all the WILD stories they all share from thorpe abbotts and the camps. like … idk who would ever start first with the talking like, it’s so much content atp. they could start a podcast and make it 20+ episodes LMAO!!!!!
but that’s besides the point — once again, this would be FANTASTIC. also *love* the macon throw in because you best-bet i’m featuring him in some pieces a little more down the road and he really becomes close with the margie/benny duo hehe 🤭🥹
this is just … yeah this a fantastic ask please know. i am absolutely EATING IT UP!!!!!!! by far one of my favorite things to receive through here! 🥹🥹🥹 stuff like this always just makes me so excited to envision and think about. like now i’m 100% convinced i’d need to write a prompt or one-shot for this because ITS TOO GOOD!!!!!!!!
THANK YOU ANON! THIS IS FANTASTIC PLEASE KNOW!!!!!!
#sweet anon i saw this and SCREAMED#I WAS SO EXCITED TO ANSWER#and i couldn’t wait until after work so#early morn time to answer and i’m bouncing off the walls at all the ideas#all the conversations and emotions and excited cheering of support#like#PLEASEEEEE#THESE GIRLS LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH!!!!!!!#GAHHHHH#silver bullets be still my HEART#silver bullets#mota writings#i’m sobbing over them if you can’t tell#this is such a good ask omg#YOU ATE !!!!!#YOU GET IT YOU GET IT
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alpine being one of those cats that doesn't like their owners partners. constantly scratching steve, screaming at him when he tried to kiss bucky and when steve and bucky are cuddling? instant death for steve. steve is a sweetheart and tries to buy earn the effection by treats and gifts but nope alpine isn't a dumb cat bffr.
#steve is all like buck buck i hate this cat but then bucky catches steve and alpine in a deep conversation one early morning and#steve is still being teased about it to this day ✋😔#anyways i love stucky and their beloved cat#and bucky loves his annoying ass boyfriend and bitchy cat<33#stucky#stevebucky#steve rogers#bucky barnes#alpine#steve and bucky#bucky x steve#steve x bucky#steve/bucky#wht
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guess who got fucking rejected by the trans clinic for the second time 🥰
#I love trans healthcare#fuck this shitass country#like I paid 40 euro for a train trip early in the morning to get asked weird questions and to get told I'm too fat for any fucking treatmen#like wow at least it's a different reason than before#a fucking bmi decided my fate#that was the only thing that mattered in the one and a half hours of conversation#just that fucking number#I mean idk what I should expect we used to require trans people to have confirmation of sterility for legal gender change a few years ago#but fucking hell#I'm incredibly pissed#welfare state my ass#I tried to convince myself I didn't want bottom surgery before because I knew this could happen#and I know I'll probably never be able to afford that outside of the official channels#yay yippee#death to finland#fuck the world#idk#bad post sorry gamers
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ok so we have one job this banner and one job only, which is to get jingliu in like 3 pulls, alright? last week i did not play cause ✨academia✨, I spent the last banner getting acheron 3 times and not getting her light cone in spite of endless pulling… I am not willing to spend a single dime, and yet with delusion as my only guide, I believe I can get this done. We have to manifest people. We have to make things happen, ok?
I am getting jingliu early.
I am getting jingliu early.
I am getting jingliu early.
reblog so that we all get jingliu early!!
#we are going against the odds here people#we are the underdogs#the F2P players#we have to make this happen#we will not let the system win#by the system I mean gacha but I also mean academia#always assume my endless fight to be against academia#the 1 enemy of the people#ok I’ll shut up I’m just very tired and delirious as usual but more cause I was forced into an early morning#and I have sleeping problems so yeah#but now it’s nap time so💕#ok bye#no one read the tags pls 😂#this is a private conversation between me myself and I#unless it isn’t#and if so… hi#honkai#honkai star rail#jingliu#acheron#hsr
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"maybe in another lifetime", they say.
why not this one?
#to mia luce:#first: i know. i knew. i've known.#i had a feeling about what the secret slides might be but i didn't want to assume#but know this#your clavel could never hate you#you make me smile. you make me laugh. you make me feel ways that i've only ever heard described in poetry#there is a reason i tell everybody about you.#it is because i love you.#i have stayed awake thinking of how i love you. of how no other could make my heart swell the way you do.#how every conversation with you late at night has brought me such unfiltered joy.#and how i would stay awake into the early morning a hundred times again if it meant i got to hear one more word from you.#i love you mia luce.#and i don't think it was casual
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having a serious crush for the first time in a long time is so fucking scary i want to drive into a brick wall
#WHY CANT I STOP THINKING ABOUT HER I CANT EVEN FOCUS ON MY WORK#every single time im doing something i keep thinking of how much more fun it would be if she was there#i think of when we woke up early in the morning and after i showered she gave me a sweater to wear and we walked her dogs together#stopping mid conversation to point out pretty trees and the color of the sky in puddles and the sound of the leaves underfoot#and less than a week later it got too warm so she borrowed one of my goth shirts and was so excited to wear it when we went out dancing#and quickly escaped the men who tried to teach us and we laughed as i spun her the wrong way as i led a dance i barely knew#she pops into my office with a grin on her face to remind me we're running late to class and we walk across campus sharing an umbrella
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something something we are all shaped by the people we’ve met
#had a dream about having a much needed conversation with an old not-ex of mine#you know those weird homoerotic sapphic ‘friendships’ wlw have? yeah that i had a dream about her#whatever i hope she’s doing better now#it’s too early in the morning to be having feelings jfc
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