#earlier i wrote about how the music in my favorite movie makes fun of the military as the arm of american colonialism

[deciphered-narrator]

i can't believe it took me this long to realize that other computer science majors do stem classes for their electives. i have to do humanities or i'll kill myself

[mins-fins]

june 20th.

&&. on june 20th, the world ended. the sky turned orange and the ground beneath your feet cracked.

pairing: lee donghyuck x m!reader

genre: fluff?? angst??

warnings: mentions of death

word count: 1k

notes: this is one of the strangest things i think ive written in a long time 😭 i have no idea how this idea came to be in the first place i kinda just wrote out what came to my mind?? i also spent so long trying to figure out which nct member to write this for and i literally just picked hc because he's my sisters favorite member (#THANKSTI) so yeah idk why this exists but it does 🤷‍♂️

on june 20th, your alarm rang two minutes early.

on june 20th, you gave your mother a kiss on the cheek before leaving for school.

on june 20th, you missed the bus and were forced to walk the whole way to school.

on june 20th, you had walked into class late for the first time since september.

on june 20th, the sky was full of dark clouds, you assumed it was going to rain later that day.

on june 20th, you skipped one of your classes for the first time ever, biology, one you always hated.

on june 20th, you noticed seven different cracks in the sidewalk.

on june 20th, the air seemed different..

on june 20th, all that you could think about was your upcoming birthday, excitement surging through your veins.

you did what you always did. kicked small rocks, hopped over fences, hummed the lyrics to your favorite song, danced to the lyrics of your favorite song in public with no shame, skipped over the cracks on the sidewalk, did cartwheels, you were having fun.

for some reason, the day of june 20th made you feel free.

nobody could stop you, not your friends, not asshole teachers, not screaming neighbors, nobody could stop you.

well, maybe the world ending could stop you.

with a smile on your face and an energetic pep in your step, you make your way through the now noisy neighborhood.

people are screaming, the sky is an unnatural color, the air feels as if it's slowly poisoning your lungs, the cracks beneath your feet have now doubled in number.

but for some reason, you feel easy?

the prospect of the world ending is a funny one, one you never thought you'd be living ever. in movies, it's branded as such a horrible thing, but you don't think you've ever felt happier.

the music blaring through your headphones distracts you, the people panicking around you seem more like blurs then actual people. they all have lives, some of them have children, some of them have grandchildren, some of them have family out of the country, some of them are going to be celebrating their last birthdays today, who knows what was going on in their lives earlier today that will now mean nothing in a good two hours.

your complex emotions surprise you, but the smile on your face doesn't falter, and you like that it doesn't.

because if you could spend the last moments of your life being happy, why would you be mad about that?

"everything alright? your not hurt are you?" you wrap your arms around your mother, resting your head on hers.

"i'm alright" you whisper, arms clinging around her.

your hair is disheveled, probably due to the absolute maddening things you'd been doing on the sidewalk.

"oh honey! donghyuck called, he was asking for you".

the name gets an eyebrow raise out of you.

donghyuck?

donghyuck as in lee donghyuck? he called? why would he call? why would he be asking for you? why would he—

oh, oh my goodness.

"what did he ask for?" you immediately separate from the hug, and your mother gives you a puzzled look. "did he ask for something from me specifically?"

"he just asked for you because he said he wanted to tell you something but you weren't here—"

holy shit.

"oh i have to go.."

your mother blinks once again, but then she realizes what your talking about, and she sighs. "honey, you still haven't told him?"

you don't even try to battle the allegations, just press a kiss to her cheek and make your way towards the door. "today's the day mom! the world is ending!"

your optimism shocks you, and you race out of the door, nothing else on your mind but him.

on june 20th, your life seemed to take a strange turn.

on june 20th, your mundane routine suddenly became extraordinary.

on june 20th, you realized it was your last chance to tell donghyuck how you feel.

the world is ending, the sky has turned orange, the sidewalk has began cracking beneath your feet, people are screaming, crying, clutching onto their family members, it's your last day, it's everyones last day, tomorrow, you'll all be nothing but empty corpses.

all of you have dreams, all of you had desires, things you'll never be able to pursue now because your demise is coming much sooner than you expected.

there's only one thing at your mind at the moment, and that's the most annoying person ever.

today is a day like no other, a day which will all be in memory by the time the week passes, your feet push you through the pain you feel, because you've never been able to get such words out.

where is he.. where is he.. where is he..

when you spot lee donghyuck, you shout, and he doesn't even have to look at you to know what it is.

you tackle him to ground, his back colliding with the soft grass in his front yard as you fall right on top of him. a smile comes to your face as you look down at him, with his pretty eyes and pretty smile.

"you're so stupid!" you yell, he just chuckles, letting you remain on top of him, because the world is ending, and this is it. "you called!?"

"you're literally stupider!" he rebuts. "you came!"

you scoff, oh this could've all been yours before if you weren't such a coward, but there is always a time for everything, even if this is the last time.

"i am so in love with you" you whisper, leaning down to press a kiss onto his lips. "you're such an idiot, a pretty idiot".

donghyuck just smiles, wrapping his arms around your neck. "you love me".

"of course i do".

"the world is ending, baby".

but for some reason you aren't crying.

you aren't sad, you aren't crying or anything, you're just living in the moment.

"i know, but i love you".

on june 20th, the world ended.

on june 20th, the sky turned orange and the ground beneath your feet cracked.

on june 20th, you told lee donghyuck you loved him.

on june 20th, you spent your final moments with the boy you loved the most.

[an-aura-about-you]

it's lunchtime and I'm in the mood to see how far I can get into Handbook for Mortals because I've heard the next chapter is super long. but also idk how much of it will be worth summarizing. I know the big highlights, but let's see what we've got.

moving on to Chapter 7 part 1:

when we last left our hero Scheherazade gave the mean girls an embarrassing one liner that worked for no other reason than author fiat and Jackson is a simp.

now on to Chapter 7: Strength

-so in the last chapter Zade said it was nice to pretend she had friends, but this chapter starts with her and Riley being up in the catwalk and her telling us that he's become like a little brother to her. she hasn't given us any more time jumps, so it's possible she was just lying before and I had my pity spiral for the author for nothing.

-you know how sometimes a person says a saying all wrong? Riley just did that with, "Curiosity killed the cat." like it's cliche but there's a reason it's cliche, bro.

-Riley gives us the deets on why Mac has a rule about not dating performers: he was in love with one, they slept together, and she thought it was just a one night stand while he thought they were gonna be in a relationship. she decided to string him along and it really crushed him. idk, with the way Sarem wrote Mel in the previous chapter, I'm not sure I believe she did Mac that dirty.

-also her name was Clara Faust. goddamn I love that name. I wanna see her girlboss it up.

-Clara is also apparently so bad that "she makes Sofie look like Mother Theresa." amazing. I don't even have anything else to say about that.

-hmm interesting. Zade tells us she's never been in love before. liked people and had crushes, yes, but never love. that perks my lithromantic ears up, and I could actually really see that? but much like my acedar going off with Anastasia Steele, I doubt that's what the author intended.

-the gang is getting ready to leave for the day and Jackson asks Zade if she's going to see his band perform tomorrow night. this is when we get the sledgehammer to the face that Sarem actual wrote in real life honest to goodness band the Plain White T's in her book as Zade namedrops them here. only with her Jackson Rathbone proxy as the lead singer. like, it is so jarring to see real celebrities in this thing and this is not the only time we see it. this CAN be fun when done right, but it requires a light touch, a passing mention. I think my favorite way was in the Barbie movie when they talked about escaped Kens.

-"He had asked me this earlier when we were eating together in the Employee Dining Room, which we cleverly rever to as the 'EDR.'" if I had to read that line, so do you.

-ok this book just namedropped Leona Lewis and idk if this is telling or standard that the reason I know who she is (after doublechecking on wikipedia) is because I saw her in Mamma Mia ripoff jukebox musical Walking on Sunshine. (don't watch it. it's not good. just look for pictures of Annabel Scholey as Maddie.)

-Zade agrees to go to the show because why not she doesn't have anything else going on. I'm not even a Plain White T's fan but that does feel a little insulting. I know that's just how it is sometimes when you go see your friend's band perform but geez.

-the three music genres Zade drops while wondering what they play are alternative, Americana, and -hopefully not- metal. like, I'm not gonna say I venture out of my own little range of genres too frequently, but I know from experience that it's worth it to give every genre you encounter a try because there IS something good in every genre. also there are wide swaths of metal, genres within genres. there's a big difference between whatever Metallica's doing and Christopher Lee's Charlemagne.

-Jackson gives Zade a kiss goodbye on the cheek as they leave. move has been made. how will Mac counter?

-add another tally for the casually bigoted language as Tad felt cheated out of a kiss from Jackson and used a word derived from the g slur to express this.

-add another tally to Tad's "If I Wasn't A Married Man" counter as well.

-Mac gives Tad a "one-armed guy hug" and Zade gives Tad a "real hug." The Straights Are Not Okay.

-Mac invites Zade to go riding with him on their motorcycles, and she accepts. she also tells us she feels like she's being fought over. that, to me, tells me that Zade wants the same thing for herself from her relationships. she doesn't want Mac or Jackson because of who they are; she wants them because they want her. so I guess at least she's on even ground with this? she may want people as objects, but she also wants to be wanted the same way, so at least it's equal? but man, that is shallow.

-it starts raining on their ride, so they have to pull over and take shelter under an awning at a closed convenience store. the two huddle close, both thinking about the relationship we didn't get to see, and Mac straight up grabs Zade and kisses her. damn, chief.

-oh geez we're talking make out with tongue. (this is not where that line is btw. I intend to provide photographic evidence of that when I reach it.) which, ew, he was just smoking.

-well, I'll give Mac this: REO Speedwagon's a good band to listen to.

-they keep kissing for a while before we pretty much get a smash cut to the next day with Zade shopping at the mall. holy whiplash, Batman! put a pin in this because believe it or not we ARE going to come back to that scene. jesus, the chronological mess of this.

-Zade is at a girlie shop buying girlie things because she wants to look hot for Mac and Jackson. she's shopping by herself because she doesn't like girlie things and thus doesn't want to do this with other girls? the hypocrisy is something to be sure.

-she gets chatty with the clerk working there who, like all characters in a mary sue story, is sycophantic to the max, to the point that she asks Zade to come back and update her on how things go.

-you guys need to see this continuity error for yourselves:

"I settled on the second of the final two dresses she brought me, a tight-fitting dark blue option that hugged me in all the right places. She was right about it being made for my kind of shape. I had a fun brown leather jacket and heeled low-cut leather boots that would offset the black dress nicely..."

so I'm assuming the dress looks like this:

and with that I gotta get back to work!

[pendragonthegreat]

dj machale at creature feature weekend!

yesterday i went to gettysburg, pa to creature feature weekend to see dj machale! this was a horror convention so he was there for ayaotd, but he seemed happy to talk about his books with me! following under the cut is a very long summary of all that happened, enjoy reading (or just look at the pictures if you want)

i got two books from my collection signed: my german merchant of death, and my special edition raven rise. he told me a little about both of these books:

on german tmod, he first asked if i was german but i explained i'm just a collector of his books, and i love the cover art for this one... he told me that it's one of his favorites too! i'm really happy to hear that and to have it signed since it's the source of the icon i use most places, including here on tumblr.

he seemed really surprised to see the special edition raven rise, saying he hadn't seen one in a really long time. i had always wondered about this book, and he explained that it was a kind of promotional tool sent to bookstores and libraries before the ninth book came out. he also said that it's basically an ARC, which surprised me because i thought it was just a special dust jacket, and that the actual book was the same as any other raven rise. but i'll have to compare it with another copy to see. will update

he said while signing raven rise, "i'll sign this the way i sign all pendragons" and of course wrote hobey ho... :]

(he also seemed to remember me from the zoom call i had with him back in may after i reminded him!)

after we talked about the books i brought, i mentioned that i watched flight 29 down at his recommendation and he seemed really excited to talk about that show! he told me about how the show was originally only made with 2 seasons, and it wasn't until after high school musical came out (and corbin bleu became more popular) that dj was asked to finish the story and they made the movie. i found this super interesting! then he told me about how he recently went to see corbin in new york, as he's currently starring in little shop of horrors off broadway. he even showed me a picture of them together yayy

after i got those autographs i waited around until his panel, which was mostly about ayaotd. a lot of it was even stuff i've heard before in interviews, but it was still a lot of fun for me! he also mentioned tower of terror. huge for me. and after the panel he played a really corny 90's music video from one of the vhs releases of ayaotd which was really fun to see :)

then was my photo op! this was super fast but i was really hoping to show him my sylo dog tags (i'm wearing them in the pic but not the right way around lol) and he was really shocked to see these too! at first he thought it was from f29d because apparently there were also dog tags made for that show.

then we talked about sylo and he seemed excited to talk about that too! he asked me how i liked the ending and we talked about the movie that never got made and it was soo fun but really fast and in fact the photographer had to cut us off to get to the next person. lol

here's our picture!

this could have been the end but i kept thinking like... it's not against the rules to just get in line at the autograph table again... so i did that.

i was kind of worried he'd be sick of me atp but i think he was pleased to see me again? lol idk. still i tried to make this interaction short so other ppl could talk to him so i just showed him the picture we took earlier (he was really unhappy with the background so i promised i'd tell everyone he didn't pick it lolll) then i asked him if he's working on anything right now and he told me he's still working on getting the paper trail (his next book) out, and he's pitching a horror movie right now that may or may not get made. i got one of the ayaotd prints signed and then i told him i'd be looking forward to his future work and thanked him profusely for his time... and he thanked me for coming... and that was it. okay thanks for reading

[groovesnjams]

17 / 50

"Perfect Day" by Al Green

DV:

Way back when rock n roll was young, Otis Redding wrote a song called "Respect" and Aretha Franklin covered it and he said, "She just took the song [away from me.]" At some point before this, during the peak of folk and blues, songs weren't "covered" so much as played by any and everyone: it was an era of standards, often composed by songwriters who didn't perform. I'm not saying "Respect" was the dividing line between eras - rock 'n' roll, with its increasing focus on authenticity may have gotten there earlier. But I am saying that at least since "Respect", covers have been a competition. Who "owns" a song? Otis was right, Aretha owns "Respect" (among others.) How many people even think of "MacArthur Park" or "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" or "It's Oh So Quiet" as covers? They all got new owners when they were covered.

Al Green has been on both sides of this fight: a winner (his "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?" was originally The Bee Gees') and a loser (Talking Heads' "Take Me to the River" was originally Al Green's.) With the exception of an Amazon ad in 2018, he hasn't released new music for a 15 years. Now he's back and he's come for one of Lou Reed's best and you know what? "Perfect Day" is Al Green's now; he just took it away from Lou. Maybe this song is about god, instead of heroin? Maybe it always was? Or maybe it's just still about falling in love, and you still decide the subject, just like anyone who heard the song without knowing anything about Reed. Because there's no limit to the ways you can hear "I'm glad I spent it with you. And there's equally no escaping the darkness inherent in lyrics like "You just keep me hanging on," even if the gospel choir fills the background with beauty. Al's version embraces both sides of the song and makes them his own, most of all when he leans hard into the "You're gonna reap just what you sow" coda, possibly the song's high point, rueful and accusatory and ominous. I'm not sure it's possible to make a song fully your own when it's been popular for 50 years, but if anyone can pull that off, it'd be Al Green: this "Perfect Day" is the work of a master thief showing he's still got it.

MG:

Frankly, I find taking a song about the love one has for heroin and remaking it about the love two septuagenarians have as they stare down inevitable death just as perverse as it would be in reverse. Al Green is stirring, trilling, and schmaltzy in a way that is antithetical to any and all white powders, though I’m sure he does have one of those days of the week pill cases at this point. I’m pretty certain I heard this song first as soundtrack to Mark Renton’s overdose in Trainspotting, unfortunately my favorite movie as a high schooler, and the connection cannot be undone. “Perfect Day” is an intensely sad, painful, and anxiety-inducing song. Al Green singing it actually makes all those feelings worse, like I’m covered in blood and crying for help and someone is smiling and waving at me from across a busy street. If last year was about dissociation music, I guess this year is about derealization music, the sort of stuff that makes your fleshy, lived reality feel fake. We’ve included a lot of light horror on this year’s list – enjoy, this is the hard stuff.

[elphabaoftheopera]

HELLO!!!! how are you? it's been a while haha 😅... but, long story short, after watching wicked last night im back in the fandom! and what better way to celebrate than read a fic by my favourite author 🥳 ? so, i read "In Any Universe", and boy do i have a lot of good things to say about it!!!!!

this fic is awesome, im sad that i didn't read it earlier! it had my favourite tropes that were amazingly executed, along with so many wacky and interesting alternate universes 😁😁! some that stood out to me were fake dating, masquerade, family and musical. to say that i really enjoyed these would be an understatement!!!! first of all, fake dating is my absolute favouriteee trope, so i was so so excited to see it applied to fiyeraba so well! the masquerade was honestly a really interesting plotline, and the musical universe was cool to see referenced! and family au was soo adorable, and parents fiyeraba make me feel so happyyyy ❤️❤️! overall, they were all so so romantic and cute and made me realise how much i miss fiyeraba 🥺!! i also really liked the general storyline, and the pipeline of fiyero coming to terms and accepting his situation was so lovely and satisfying to read!

i was wondering if you had any little facts about this fic? it was super creative and i couldn't help but love every separate storyline!!!!!

sorry for gushing, im just super happy to be back and reading your fics again! ill hopefully in the fandom again for a while, so i can find the time to read some other works of yours and maybe reread 😁😁😁

@melop-sia!!!!! It's so wonderful to hear from you!!!! Welcome back to the Wicked fandom! Your message just made my entire day, I actually screamed when I read that I was a favorite author of yours, words like that TRULY go a long way. thank you for your thoughts on In Any Universe. I had so much fun writing that one!

Welllllll since you asked, I'd love to share a little bit about it!

Light spoilers for In Any Universe below the cut!

The idea came to me when I was just thinking a lot about fanfiction tropes in a loving way, inspired by fanfiction writers and our tendency to put the same characters into countless different situations/lives and have them fall in love all the same. I got the idea when I was driving (most of my ideas come when I'm driving) about my otp essentially going on a "tour" through the different tropes. Initially it was supposed to be 100% comedic and self aware.

I didn't have a strong throughline planned out in the beginning that would set them off on their journey. I thought about (and even drafted) Fiyero mentioning how "random" it was that they got together and if any one thing was different they'd probably not be together, then I'd have Elphaba take offense to that. But it just wasn't working, especially because I was clinging to the idea that I wanted Fiyero to be human in the present timeline. Once I finally released my hold on that idea and let him be a Scarecrow, the story throughline became much clearer to me! It was easier to write when Fiyero had a "lesson" to learn (sort of "It's a Wonderful Life" style, though I've never seen that movie). That of course made the throughline a bit more serious, as well as some of the timelines getting increasingly darker.

I just can't resist angst and hurt/comfort no matter how hard I try!

I just really love the quote I put at the beginning of the story about finding the same person over and over.

As for the stories within the story, I just started by making a list of as many tropes I could think of. Fake dating, fix-it fic, crossover, etc. and eventually trimmed it down to the stories that made the cut. I wrote them all out of order and then stitched them together later with the throughline story. I think I did the coffee one first, then the masquerade, and then I put it down for several months (as is my style) and picked it back up with the Wicked actor one.

I really considered breaking the story up into chapters and sometimes I regret the fact that I didn't, I still consider breaking it up because I know it's very long. Still I think it flows better as a singular piece but at least can be easily read in multiple sittings if you're like me and need mind breaks.

When I decided to make it one single piece I made a real effort to keep the sections snappy and not longer than they needed to be. I was pretty obsessed over word count and keeping it below a certain amount (I think 1000 words). I think the Fake Dating one ended up being the longest and the hardest to keep trimmed. Still, I wanted each story to have a satisfying arc in its own way.

One challenge I gave myself (which was VERY difficult) is that I didn't use the word "love" until the very end when Fiyero told Elphaba he loved her after getting shot. I came to that idea later on and had to edit a lot of the earlier stories. Then he says he loves her many times in the finale scene.

I thought it strengthened his lesson about being grateful for what they did have. I found it really important to mirror the "can't imagine thinking about how things might be different" (paraphrasing) in the worst timeline with her dying in the cornfield with what he'd said in the beginning.

As for the ending I did leave it slightly ambiguous, but I believe as the writer that the journey he went on was real and not a dream (kind of like I believe that in Wizard of Oz Dorothy's experience really happened, even though it seemed like Dorothy was waking up from a dream). However, I wanted to the reader to decide for themself!

I think my favorite ones to write were the Fiyeraba family (I love them as parents!), Coffee shop AU, and the Masquerade. I also found it clever and trippy to do the Wicked actors, but that one was by far the hardest challenge!

I so appreciate your readership and engagement with my work!!!! Please reach out in the future if you ever have thoughts or questions.

I don't want to jinx it because it's still early days but I'm excited to say I've been writing again (Fiyeraba, obviously) now that my life has more time. We'll see where it takes me, so be on the lookout!

[dallasareaopinion]

Award show credibility or is it blahs

First let’s start with the fun question of the day which was also tweeted out earlier and I am going to add a bit to it now.

What is the difference between faith and trust? And to add to it, what is the difference between faith and trust with God? And what is the difference between faith and trust with ourselves?  And which one of these is dangerous? 

Talk amongst your self. or yourselves.

Now back to why are the Oscars or the Grammys or the Tonys or any other awards show still relevant? Are even sports awards still relevant?

I say this because how much of these awards are based on a standard criteria versus some perceived criteria. Most of these awards are voted on by “their peers” or “the media”.

This leads to so much determined by the times and what is culturally relevant. Do these awards represent what is the best right now? Or do they represent what fits into the moment? 

I struggle with an answer because the above may actually be the way it should be. Well, as long as it is the best of the times versus the loudest reaction of the times. And yes I know mixed into all this are quality endeavors that reflect the actual vehicle of the awards. 

For example tonight, I do believe that whoever wins best costume design or set design probably deserves that award. This is very technical and the whole scope of people n the industry can make a decision on who created the best in their category. It is the subjective categories that are a problem to me. And I may be the only person that has a problem. Does best film or best actor or best director come based on the work no matter the subject? Or does this subject or perception play a part in who wins? 

I do not know..

And I am not the best person to ask. When I was young I use to play music. I was one of the millions of 16 year olds that wanted to be a rock star. Eventually I played in a few clubs, tried recording demo tapes with bands I was in of music we wrote, but like millions of others that was about as far as I got. I was never a rock star, but the Grammys was important to me. I wanted to know what was going on and what made impressions with people. Since then though I have had little to no interest in the Grammys much less any other award show. 

And I am a big local team sports fan, and yet unless there might be a chance that someone from one of the Dallas’ teams might win an individual award I have no interest. I prefer that the team win a championship rather than hear of individual accolades. Some fans want to see the individual awards. I would be happy to see that happen because I am a fan, but am not watching the award show to find out.

So with the Oscars tonight, I am typing this post instead of watching because I have no confidence of what might be the best picture or who is the best director based on some long standing criteria. And what is worse I haven’t seen that many new movies in the last few years. Partly because of cost and partly because of the movies coming out. Some of my favorite movies were not block busters and I actually saw them because I rented them (back in day). 

Indie movies always had some enjoyable topic or story that was more attractive to me than what is going on in the mainstream. Not saying I haven’t seen blockbuster movies or not enjoyed them, I am just saying for me there is much more out there than what you will see highlighted tonight. 

Which may not be correct. I have not watched the Oscars in years so maybe things have changed. Shoot I do not even know what is nominated for best picture and things have changed so dramatically this post is irrelevant. I doubt it though. Something as large as Hollywood doesn’t go through drastic changes without making headlines.

Cheers

[thanatasia]

As we can see from the screenshots I forgot crop these were meant to be posted a lot earlier lol

I still have quite a few of these IG questions to answer. I wanted to share these four because they were my most fun. There’s another that I will post up but it will be included with any other angsty questions

The first one is a few Ocs and their taste in music. I separated them and wrote more but I forgot to watermark them. I don’t think anyone would steal these drawings but still.

Sera loves opera and takes Ortun and Tau to them as often as she can. It’s one of the few activities she keeps up with from her childhood. Ortun wasn’t the biggest fan but grew to enjoy opera and is quite the connoisseur lol On IG I had the two of them listening to a talented opera singer, Maria Callas. My friend introduced me to

Fleur and Takoda in particular like just about everything. If it’s got a catchy beat they will be fans of the song/artist/group. I had watched, Turning Red, before drawing this and had them dancing to, I Want It That Way, by the Backstreet Boys. The two of them would be those friends who sing with a hairbrush and put on a performance in front of an invisible audience lol

Azra I want to say gets introduced to anime and amvs by her soul sister and discovers a bunch of rock and symphonic metal. She has no regrets watching amvs lol She’s listening to Nightwish, Sleeping Sun. A personal favorite song my sister and I discovered one day that cemented our days surfing YouTube for good amvs

Cha’l can be an old soul and enjoys music similar in beat to Frank Sinatra. It’s easygoing and Cha’l has to have music on when he’s cooking for his family. He’s the type that can play music and not get distracted if he’s focused on a task. He was listening to, “Poetry in Motion” a song my sister showed me from a Fisheye amv from Sailor Moon! But, Cha’l also loves music that makes you want to dance! I’m getting pictures in my head- like if he’s making a recipe he’s done a thousand times he has no problem letting the music speak and make him dance. If I drew him dancing he’s be listening to either Hector Lavoe, Marc Anthony or Elvis Crespo because those artists hold specific moments I see Cha’l and his family doing

Fleur singing in the tavern! There was a commercial that was playing all the time (maybe January? That’s when I believe I drew this) and it gave me jazz bar vibes. The poses and composition were taken from a childhood favorite movie of mine. If anyone could guess it will get a digital cookie! I will say the movie is a direct to video sequel to a much better movie. I’d give another hint but the other hint is giving too much away

MY FAVORITE!!! Lol Kiel and his expressions. He and Fleur are the most expressive but Kiel is the king of expressions. Kiel is a menace to Captain Ortun and he thrives off of knowing that. I love how close he and Tau are. He’s an only childling so Tau gives him a taste of what having a sibling is like. If Tau looks like they’re in vampire garb that’s because I was looking at/thinking about, Interview with the Vampire lol

Lastly, Gelfling Viara and Podling Fleur! Something I never would’ve considered. Even as a Podling Fleur still looks like she can take anyone on while looking cute doing it lol Viara is still just as sweet looking as a Gelfling.

I hope you all enjoy these!

[shyshitter]

yea so i wrote a ficlet for this post bc i couldn’t stop thinking about it. also this really went off the rails bc it has been a phat second since ive written anything so enjoy i guess

Abigail likes Jack Kline. He’s quiet and sweet and doesn’t ask questions when she sometimes doesn’t bring lunch; he just subtly slides over his apple and chips with a smile. Sure, he’s a little odd sometimes (like how he talks like a thesaurus or says hi to everyone in the hallways) but she doesn’t believe he deserves the way the other kids make fun of him behind his back. They whisper about his mysterious and sudden appearance, how he’s been picked up after school by three different men, and his odd fascination with religion. He’s not like the other christian kids who are always trying to recruit kids for their church; he just--really likes Jesus and talks about Him like he knows Him personally. 

“My dad saved humanity,” he says constantly. “He’s died a few times but it’s never stuck. The most recent time was by nail but that was a misunderstanding.” 

So he’s an odd kid and Abby knows it but she just doesn’t care. Her friends have accepted this but even they are still confused by Jack’s odd behavior. Her friend Martha has history with him and talks about him all the time. 

“For the heritage project, he said his mother is dead and his father a son of God so he doesn’t have any ancestors to write about,” she says one day at lunch. “I think he thinks his biological father is Jesus Christ.”  

It takes a while but Abby finally works up the courage to ask him about it. Jack’s in the middle of a story about how his dad was healing someone when she interrupts him. 

“Do you think your dad is Jesus?” 

Jack frowns and tilts his head in confusion. “No Jesus is my cousin. My father hates him but my da doesn’t really care about him.”

Jack has two dads? 

“You have two dads?” she asks.

He pauses to think. “Technically I have four dads but my real father was killed by three of them because he was trying to take me to space.”

Abby’s head spins. “Your dads are murderers?” 

“No, they’re hunters.” 

“But you just said they killed your real father.” 

Jack frowns again. “Yeah but my real father was the devil.” 

Abby remembers a girl she met at camp who said the same thing about her dad. She later learned that the girl was taken by CPS and her father went to prison. Suddenly, images of Jack alone and scared in a group home flood her mind and she grabs his arm in alarm.

“Are you safe?” she asks desperately. 

He just smiles and pats her arm. “Of course; he’s dead now.” 

She shakes her head. “I mean are you safe with your dads now?” 

His eyes light up like they always do when he talks about his family. “Of course! My dad was prophesied to save humanity and has, my da is an angel, and my pa is the leader of an army of hunters so I’m in good hands.” 

By the time Abby’s processed this comment, Jack has already moved on to his favorite types of cars and the conversation is over. 

She forgets about Jack’s crazy family situation until Spring Formal. Abby and her friends are standing in line for the photo booth when she sees Jack across the gym with a beautiful girl on his arm, both of them talking to a giant man with floppy brown hair. Without explaining, she leaves her friends to walk over and gets a better look at the three of them. The girl has long curly blonde hair that bounces when she laughs but her eyes are sharp and harsh, constantly scanning the room as if looking for threats. The man is wearing a white button-down with blue jeans and just smiles warmly as Jack talks animatedly to him. The man spots her as she approaches and for a moment, the warmth in his eyes is replaced by cold suspicion but as soon as Jack notices her and smiles, the man relaxes. 

“Abby, this is my pa,” Jack says with a grin. 

Jack’s ‘pa’ offers a hand and Abby shakes it. “Sam,” he says politely. “Jack talks about you a lot.”  

“Yeah,” the girl cuts in. “I was wondering when I was gonna meet you.” Her eyes trail up and down Abby’s body distrustfully. “This punk never shuts up about you.” 

Jack just keeps smiling. “This is my sister Claire,” he introduces. “She’s in college!” 

Overwhelmed by the introductions, Abby just smiles and offers her hand to Claire as well. “It’s nice to meet you,” she says, relieved when Claire accepts the handshake. 

“Have you met Dean and Cas yet?” Claire asks. “You’re not officially accepted by the family until Dean okayes you.” 

Sam swats a scolding hand over Claire’s head. “Don’t scare her--my brother isn’t that bad.” He looks back at Abby with a smile. “Don’t let my niece worry you, Dean and Cas are gonna love you.” 

Trying to do mental gymnastics in her head, Abby attempts to figure out how Sam is both Jack’s dad and Claire’s uncle while Jack and Claire are siblings. Dean and Cas are the other two fathers who killed Jack’s real dad and apparently Dean is also Sam’s brother. 

She doesn’t finish her thought process before Jack is dragging Abby across the gym, leaving Sam and Claire. 

“Dad, da,” he calls out over the music. 

Abby tries to spot who responds to Jack’s call and notices two more giant men by the food table look up from their conversation. They’re even more intimidating than Sam and Claire. The taller man has broad shoulders and hard eyes like Claire and despite this being a formal dance, he’s wearing a green canvas jacket and jeans with holes in the knees. The shorter man is a tad more formal with his too-big suit and tan overcoat but he watches them approach with a blank face which is almost more threatening than the hostile look the other man has. 

“Da, dad, this is my friend Abby,” Jack says as soon as they’re in earshot. 

The taller man looks her up and down like Claire did earlier before nodding shortly. “Nice to finally put a face to the name,” he says gruffly. His voice is rough and low but not unkind so Abby relaxes slightly. 

The other man smiles and it suits him much more than the blank look did. “It’s lovely to meet you, Abigail,” he says and holy shit his voice is even lower and gravilier than the other guy’s. “Jack speaks very highly of you.” 

“Yeah, thanks to you he listens to shitty music,” the taller man gripes but Abby can tell it’s more teasing than genuinely upset. 

“Dean,” the other man scolds as he nudges him. “Megan Thee Stallion is not shitty music.” 

If the taller man is Dean, the other is Cas and as Abby watches them, she can see the resemblance between Dean and Sam in their sharp jaws and teasing smiles.  

She turns to Jack. “You listen to Megan Thee Stallion?”

Jack nods excitedly. “You were humming her songs in English and I liked it.”

Cas leans in to Abby. “I’ve been trying to get him to branch out from 70s rock for ages but he never wanted to disappoint Dean so thank you for helping him.” 

Abby nods, dazed. “Are you Jesus?” she blurts after failing to come up with a response. 

Dean barks out a loud laugh and doesn’t stop until Cas swats him. Once Dean settles, Cas turns back to Abby with an embarrassed smile. 

“That’s very flattering,” he says, “but no. I am simply Castiel. If anything, Dean shares more in common with the Messiah than I do.” 

Instead of elaborating, Dean just snorts and humbly shakes his head. “Babe, we’ve talked about this--” 

But before he can finish, Cha Cha Slide blasts through the speakers and the gym falls into pandemonium as all the students rush to the dance floor. Jack, confused but excited, grabs Abby’s hand and drags her over to join in, leaving Dean and Cas for the rest of the night. 

Abby doesn’t consider herself a selfish person but even she has never thought so much about another person’s life than Jack’s. Her confusion keeps her up and night and prevents her from being fully present whenever she talks to Jack. She’s tried talking to her friends about it but even they have moved on from the enigma that is Jack Kline. 

One month after the formal--after she met Jack’s family--she finally snaps. She’s at lunch with him in a cafe downtown and he’s telling her about how his brother Kevin is visiting from college and is teaching Jack how to talk to angels. 

“What the fuck is wrong with your family,” she interrupts. 

Jack stops talking and tilts his head in confusion. “What do you mean?” 

“You said you have four dads and one of them was murdered by the other three. Dean and Sam are brothers and Dean is with Cas. Claire is your sister but Sam is her uncle and your brother has a mom but none of you are related to her.” She takes a deep breath before continuing. “You keep saying your dads saved the world and that they’ve died and come back. You said one of your dads was an angel and now your brother is teaching you how to talk to angels? Are you lying or are you just plain crazy?” 

After the last sentence slips from her lips, she gasps and a cold dread fills her. Jack just stares, shocked at the outburst. 

“You think I’m crazy?” he asked softly. 

Abby feels a lump in her throat form. “No, no, no,” she babbles, “I didn’t mean that. I’m just confused that’s all.” 

Jack brightens. “That’s ok, life is confusing. Anyways, I tried shawarma for the first time yesterday--like in the superhero movie!”

Abby sighs and let’s Jack rant about shawarma, resigned to the fact that she’ll never get a straight answer from this confounding boy and his unnatural family. 

[hanjizung]

MOON.

Bang Chan x Reader. Word count: 1.9k

♡ Warnings ♡ : SMUT; soft smut, a bit of angst, oral (f), penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, praising.

A/N: This is heavily inspired by GIDLE’s MOON. It’s clearly my favorite song from this new album. It did make me cry, please give it a listen if you can. If you don’t want to listen I understand, and I hope that you enjoy what I wrote. Thanks for reading.

It was getting darker outside, the glowing moon was shining in all its splendor outside your window. It was a beautiful full moon. A moon that was so full, just like your head with thoughts.

It was too much to handle by yourself.

But you had to be able to feel better by yourself. You didn’t want to bother Chan with your problems when he was already struggling with his own, he had been going through a enormous lack of inspiration that made him lock himself in the company’s gym and exercise until his body almost gave up, coming home and crashing directly on your shared bed to wake up again before you and do the same routine.

It had been like that for the past weeks. You missed him, missed how he giggled when you two were watching a movie, how handsome he looked when he was concentrated on his laptop screen at midnight and how he hummed when he woke up, waking you too with a smile that showed his cute dimples to you.

You missed all that. You missed him. 

All you had now was the moon accompanying you, she was a witness to all the tears you shed for Chan. 

It started by you sitting by the window, staring at the dark blue sky, looking at all the pretty stars and then at the full moon. Then you saw how it became smaller, disappearing as the nights passed until it disappeared, and you couldn’t help but relate to her. Feeling full when Chan called you during lunch or asked you how you were doing in the evening then feeling empty when you waited for him by yourself at night, falling asleep without noticing.

You’d gone to visit him at his workplace, finding him discussing things about songs with Changbin and Jisung. He’d asked if you wanted to go eat somewhere, and when you two finished your dinner he took your hand so tenderly, his eyes focused on you and with an apologetic smile he’d told you he might not get home at all later.

And you felt how your heart shattered into tiny pieces, forcing a smile and nodding your head without saying anything. Apparently, Chan didn’t worry because you seemed to take that well, so he just watched you leave the restaurant in silence with your head lowered and tears almost falling from your eyes.

That night was the first night you cried near the window, the moonlight illuminating the darkness of your room making it seem how you felt. Alone. And you fell asleep there, in the chair you used to do your makeup with your head against the wall. It wasn’t very comfortable, but sad you hadn’t seemed to mind.

The next day you wished you’d woken up in bed, an incredible neck pain torturing you and your stuffy nose and swollen eyes made you hate yourself for being so vulnerable.

That night you stayed away from the window, trying to hide yourself from the mocking moon that shone in all its splendor. You felt like it was making fun of you. She was so bright, and you were so… dull. You felt like nothing.

But you missed it, looking at her beauty. You couldn’t stay away from her, as simple as she was, she still was breathtaking everytime your eyes met her.

And since that day when the moon witnessed your true feelings, you thought that it wouldn’t be so bad after all. Unconsciously, you sat by the window more often and did mundane things such as brushing or braiding your hair, sometimes you read a book and on simpler nights you just stared out the window, looking at the people passing or admiring the stars shining on the dark sky. 

Tonight was one of those nights where you brushed your hair before going to sleep, having showered before to sleep more peacefully and to feel clean. Your hair was now dry and it felt so soft when you ran your fingers through it, a smile on your face as you were facing the mirror and allowed the moonlight to reach your face. 

Then, the sound of steps caught you off guard and you turned to see him walking over to you, a tired smile on his face but shining eyes when he was in front of you and pulled you towards him, the warmth of his body embraced you and you felt at home being in his arms. It felt so surreal, you dropped the brush to have your hands free and touch him to know he was real. 

“You’re home earlier than usual” you whispered, your fingers softly caressing his cheek and smiling. That loveable sound of his giggles reached your ears and you pressed yourself against him even more. You’d missed him so much…

“I missed you. We’ve been separated for too long, I’m sorry, love. I forgot what truly was important” he murmured, squeezing you playfully then separating from you, his pretty hands taking your face to make you look at him. You could see how sincere he was being in his eyes, he meant every word that came out of his mouth.

“I know your life is music, Chan. I missed you but I never said anything because… Wanting you by my side all the time is too egoist. You’re free to do what you want” you lowered your head, trying to hide the tears that were forming in your eyes and threatened to fall at any given moment. 

“Precious, I neglected you horribly. You’re my muse, you’re my inspiration, you’re what is most important to me. I won’t do this again, I know you’ve hardly taken care of yourself” he stopped, taking your chin and kissing your forehead so sweetly. You let your tears fall. They weren’t sad tears, but more like relieved tears. You were so glad to have met him, of being able to hear his voice and to love him like this.

“I love you so much, Chan. You need to take better care of yourself too, dummy. Everytime you get home you practically faint on any surface that seems sleepable” you joked, laughing softly and making him form a smile too. This was a moment that you would remember forever, knowing how honest the two of you were, you wouldn’t change this for nothing. 

“Let me show you how much I’ve missed you,” Chan said, kissing your lips so gently, it felt like a caress. He was being so mild, his hands ghosting over your body until it reached the ending of your shirt and he separated from the kiss, asking with a look if he was allowed to take it off. You simply nodded, biting your lip and raising your arms for him to expose your skin to him. He was looking at you with such adoration in his eyes, that you were sure that if you could fall even deeper for someone, this was how that felt.

His hands found place in your waist and he kneeled in front of you, he rested his head on your thigh, his hands lifting you up until you were standing so he could pull down your bottoms, his plump lips kissing where his head rested previously and dragging his hands down to your knees, he separated your legs until your sex was fully exposed to him. And it was then when he came in contact with you, kissing your inner thighs lovingly before reaching his destination.

You moved to be on the edge of the seat, giving him more access to your intimacy and letting him pleasure you. Chan licked your slit experimentally a first time, making you shiver. One of your hands flew to tangle itself on his hair, expectating for him to make you cry in ecstasy. 

His tongue played with you, going up and down until it came in contact with your clit and that’s when the action truly began. His hands were resting on your knees, keeping your shaking legs spread for him to make you feel like you were in heaven, and judging by the noises you were making he was succeeding efficiently. He knew your body too well at this point to know all of your reactions and your likes and dislikes when he fucked you roughly and when he made love to you, just like he was doing right now. 

You were whimpering his name helplessly, arching your back on the chair and pushing him closer to you by his hair  when you hit your high. The only warning he had was the loud scream you let out before you came in his mouth, shaking and letting some more tears roll down your cheeks.

Breathing heavily, you opened your eyes to see Chan wiping your essence from his chin, he looked so ethereal like that.

He stood up, taking you in his arms and laying you on the bed. You were feeling kind of tired, but decided that you needed something before going to sleep with the love of your life. 

“Please, fuck me, Chan. I’ve missed you so much, I need you inside me” you pleaded. He seemed to think about it but after a few seconds, he started to undress in front of you, first taking out his jacket and then his shirt. You started touching yourself, feeling how wet and ready you were to take him all inside you.

Once when he was fully naked, almost like you, he positioned himself between your legs, pumping his cock once before penetrating you for the first time after a while. He groaned and you gasped when his member stretched you. “God, I had forgotten how tight you were, love. You feel so… perfect. You’re perfect for me, precious.”

He started to pull out slowly, stopping only when his tip was all that was left inside you. You felt empty, but that sensation was replaced as soon as he started filling you again. He kept the pace, slow but still pleasant for the both of you. It wasn’t until when he added rubbing your clit to the mixture that you felt a second orgasm forming, your walls clenched around him and you felt him twitch.

“Please kiss me when we cum, Chan” you cried out between gasps. You pulled him towards you by his neck, and he understood to kiss you hard, and it was right then when you allowed yourself to cum, him finding his own release seconds after. 

He pulled out of you, being careful enough to fall next to you and not crush you with his weight. The two of you were in need of breath, but clearly content from the previous activity. You felt how full your heart was, and your eyes directed to the window, the moonlight coming from it showering both of you. 

The moon was a witness to the pain you felt when you thought about being forgotten by Chan before. Not, she was a witness of the love you received from him, and the promise of taking better care of you while you took care of him. A silent pact made from true love.

“What are you thinking?” his voice brought you back to reality, and you turned your head to look at him with a big smile.

“Just about how much I love you.” He smiled when he heard your responde.

“I love you even more, babygirl.”

[soundsof71]

FIVE ALBUMS YOU NEED IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!

aka, My Top 5 of 2020, but I didn’t want to seem too retro!

Yep, I have a classic rock blog. Yep, I think that the best rock and roll in history is being made RIGHT NOW. And yep, ALL of it is being made by women. 

(Shown at top, Nova Twins by Ant Adams [x] and The Tissues by Michael Espleta [x]. I was planning to make a collage of all my faves in concert, but  not all of them were able to play in 2020. Both of these photos are pre-pandemic.)

There’s been quite a bit of movement on this list, and all five of these have spent some time at Number 1 as the year has done (gestures broadly) All This™. Anyone looking for rock and roll is going to dig any of these. 

Rocking out is just the start of it, though. Wrestling with my bipolarity and schizophrenia is tough on a good day, and there haven’t been too many of those lately. The plague has also taken its toll around me, with two family members dead and a third who’s doing better, but will likely never be all the way back. (Mask up, kids!)

I’ve written plenty about how deeply Taylor Swift and Phoebe Bridgers have moved me this year (and will do so again), but in those rare stretches where I’ve had enough spare energy to listen to music at all these days, I’ve mostly been looking for more than beautiful music. Heavy times need heavy lifting, and I find that in heavy music. 

The five albums here have all helped carry me, pointing the way toward light.

1) BULLY, SUGAREGG

Alicia Bognanno is a force of nature as a guitarist, vocalist, composer, and producer/engineer. (While working on her degree in audio engineering at MTSU, she interned with Steve Albini, who remains both a fan and an admirer). A Nashville transplant from Minnesota, she’s still a natural fit in her home on Sub Pop: as heavy as Soundgarden, as hooky as Sleater-Kinney. 

I was blown away hearing her searing honesty while working through her discoveries of her bisexuality and bipolarity (double bi!), and her triumphant roar lifts me out of my seat every time I listen.

“She sings the hell out of [these songs], her voice fraying to the point of combustion every time she launches to the top of her range. This is phenomenal music for converting anger and anxiety into unbound joy.” ~Stereogum, Album of the Week

Also, check this fantastic interview with Alicia in the New York Times talking about what she’s gone through to get here. 

TURN IT UP!

2) GANSER, LOOK AT THAT SKY

Ganser syndrome is a rare dissociative disorder characterized by nonsensical or wrong answers to questions and other dissociative symptoms such as fugue, amnesia or conversion disorder, often with visual pseudohallucinations and a decreased state of consciousness. ~Wikipedia #it me

‘Just Look At That Sky’ doesn’t presume to offer solutions; it’s an honest document of what it feels like to wade through anxiety, day by day, not a survival guide or handbook of answers none of us actually have. Whether or not you pay attention to this, Ganser are simply one of the most invigorating, exciting new bands. ~Clashmusic

I saw one very positive review compare Ganser to a cross between Fugazi and Sonic Youth, but I think they hit much, much harder than either of those. And as you can surely guess, I also deeply relate to their themes of mental illness and dissociation while trying to make it through All This™. But my god, are they TIGHT. This is a BAND.

Ganser has two fantastic lead vocalists, and on “Bad Form”, bassist/vocalist Alicia Gaines wrote the song for the voice of keyboardist/vocalist Nadia Garofolo. Alicia also wrote a FANTASTIC essay on the strains that making an album during a pandemic puts on the mental health of the entire band at talkhouse: “Writing, recording, reaching out, balancing relationships outside and within the band, I found (and still find) myself under-rested and agitated to no particular end. More than not doing enough, I was not enough.” 

(If you can’t relate to that, I can’t relate to you, tbh.)

This video also does a fantastic job of showing dissociation. TURN IT UP!

3) THE TISSUES, BLUE FILM

“Blue Film” is a ten-song shot of dagger-twisting electro-(s)punk. It’s completely addictive from the very first listen. The tour de force is “Rear Window”, an art-punk masterpiece of slashing guitars and mad caterwauling. Copious doses of jaunty poetics and social commentary reward the earlooker patient enough to untangle Kristine Nevrose’s hysterical meowing about intergalactic salt shakers and hysterectomies, but I’m too emotionally invested to look under the hood.” ~ Sputnik Music

“Rear Window” is in fact my most-played 2020 track. TURN IT UP!

4) GUM COUNTRY, SOMEWHERE

It’s not all heavy! But even when I’m looking for something light and hooky, I need a bite, and Gum Country has done it with the kind of swirly, feeedback-laden wall of sound that Lush or Yo La Tengo would make if they lived in LA. (Recent transplants to SoCal from Vancouver, I do think that the sunshine has gone straight to their heads, in the very best way.)

Indie music nerds will know guitarist/composer/singer/front woman Courtney Garvin from The Courtneys, and she really does throw up a glorious wall of sound. I adore this video too! Sweet, swinging, fun -- and yes, the drummer is playing keyboard with one hand while slapping the skins with the other! 

I mentioned earlier that all five of these albums have spent part of the year at #1 on my list -- I think that this one might have spent the longest stretch there. Like all shoegaze, even as hooky as this, the truth of these songs is revealed in VOLUME. TURN IT UP!

5) NOVA TWINS, WHO ARE THE GIRLS?

Now, THIS is heavy! Amy Lee (vocals, guitar) and Georgia South (bass) are fucking LOUD, and insanely intense. A mix of grime, hip-hop, metal, punk, and good old rock and roll, they’re a harder-hitting, more theatrical Prodigy, with a pyre of intensity that recalls the heaviest howls of Rage Against The Machine. Indeed, Nova Twins spent a good bit of 2019 playing heavy metal festivals and toured as openers for Prophets of Rage. (Tom Morello has been a fan and supporter from the beginning.)

As you may have noted in the photo at the top of this post, their musical audacity extends to visuals too: they design their own clothes, hair, and makeup, they art direct their own videos, and more. They impress the hell out of me, and I’ve been a huge fan since hearing their first singles in 2018. I’ll plant a flag and say that Georgia South in particular is the most innovative musician on any instrument in any genre right now, but they’re both absolutely monsters. 

I’m honestly not at all sure that #5 is high enough for this, but I’m absolutely certain that after this video, you’re gonna need to rest for a little. LOL

“Taxi” is the story of two gleefully and creatively violent women shaking up the local crime syndicate as they use a vintage cab for their moving murder scene. This is the movie that Robert Rodriguez wishes he was making with Sin City, if it were combined with Blade Runner and The Matrix. And gangsters. And a snake.

I’m gonna take your crown I’m gonna, I’m gonna bleed you out We demand it by the hour We devour, control, power

I’m gonna burn it down Even the, even the royals bow

So not the same kind of therapeutic work being explored on this rekkid, but you know what? Fucking shit up is therapeutic too! 

Definitely take this full screen, and for the love of fuck, TURN IT UP!

SO. Not done with the best of 2020 yet? I’m sure not! A lot of my favorite songs aren’t on albums (at least not yet), so for an unedited list of everything I’m finding, check out my Spotify list, 2020: Shuffle This List! 268 songs and counting, over 15 hours, and not finished yet. I’m still checking out everyone else’s Best of lists (including yours! Message me links to yours!!!), so will probably be adding to this for most of 2021, too. 

And for more banging tracks by women from 2020, plus a few 2019 gems that I’m still grooving to, check out my more thoroughly curated Spotify playlist Women Bangers: A Tumblr New Classics Jam. (You’ll see a couple of these tracks there!) I’m working on a YouTube playlist and an essay to properly roll that one out. I’m also still tweaking the ending, but the three dozen or so tunes there are definitely bangin’.

Tell me if you hear anything you dig here, and tell me what YOU’VE found! We’re gonna get through this together.

Yr pal, Timmy

[durotoswrites]

For the writing meme thingy: 🍄how do you get yourself in the mood to write? 🍑 do you/would you write smut? 📒 any fics planned?

🍄 How do you get yourself in the mood to write?

Getting in the mood to write and actually wanting to sit down and start writing are two very different things, but they're connected, so I'll explain both.

To set into “creative mode” it helps me to do these things:

Listen to music that makes me think of a character/situation in my story/stories. I've got playlists separated by character and pairing. Sometimes I also just work on curating those playlists for fun and get my brain going.

Bounce overall ideas off of my friends and husband/editor (but he's my best friend, too 💗)

Reread old chapters or recent ones and future snippets based on what I want to do.

Once I actually want to put words down, I get a little more strict with myself. I get distracted verrrry easily sometimes and I have to fight the urge to open a million more tabs when researching a small detail.

I move to instrumental music (I have playlists for different moods like “emotional”, “soft”, “sad”, etc. I usually listen to “soft” as a general soothing background sound, as I can get pretty dang emotional when I write, especially with the stuff I've been churning out lately.

So, yeah, I need tissues within reach if I get upset. (Wow, I'm not making this sound fun at all, lmao)

After sound has been established, I like to eat a snack (something with protein) because I can be under for hours, lol. Eat it and finish it. Otherwise, I get distracted.

I also like to have drinks available. I always have a bottle of water, but I also like having a hot cup of tea. I think it's the time of year for me to switch to cold barley tea.

I write while seated on a recliner with my feet up. I have my laptop on a lap desk and it's a pretty cozy setup.

I basically try to remove any excuse I have to get up once I start writing, because I am the worst procrastinator I know.

🍑Do you/would you write smut?

Heheh... heck yeah, I do. Waaaaay more than most people realize. Stuff I've actually posted? It's pretty limited. I posted a couple pieces (Let Me Love You and You're Like the Sunshine) a few years ago, but I've been practicing ever since. One of my planned stories literally has what I refer to as a “smut dump” in the draft where I've been experimenting with writing different moods. I like the intimate scenes to play a role in the overall plot or have it be a bonding experience.

Despite that, I do have a shameless Gray x Mary story I should just get out there that has zero plot, just two cuties in love. In my mind it's so naughty and kinky and I get flustered thinking about it (Mary is hot, okay?), but it's probably hella vanilla, lmao. I really am grateful that people have been really supportive about my writing smut despite what I usually write, and they've been so encouraging, too! I honestly feel like the smut I've posted is really stilted because I was so self-conscious about it. I don't feel like they are terrible for first attempts, but I have definitely grown more comfortable writing it.

Will The Shy Newcomer become explicit? I kinda really want it to, but I might separate the chapters for those who don't care for that content. Overall, I'd like to write more and post more, and I want to write more than just male x female smut as well. I have some of those in my planned pieces (more about them later).

📒 Any Fics Planned?

Firstly, I'm super tickled more than one person was interested in this. I copied the answer I wrote earlier.

Short answer: Yes. I also plan to bring more of my stories over from ffn to Ao3.

Long answer under the cut, heheh. I rambled quite a bit.

Ask me about my writing processes and stories!

I have so many WIPs that haven’t been touched in years that I’d like to finish, so new planned fics aren’t posted yet. Some of them have more adult themes than most of the stuff I’ve been writing, so I get flustered sharing them. I’ve been at a crossroads, as I feel that you can’t have growth without changing things up. On the other hand, I feel like a lot of my readers associate my works with a specific “wholesome” feel-good mood. It’s kinda nice to be known for something, although that might just be my ego talking, thinking that people recognize my work as a “type”.

Regardless, in the end, I feel growth is necessary.

I don’t want to leave a lot of unfinished WIPs waiting because they stress me out and I have too many of them already, so I’d like to have a bulk of my new stories with a good chunk written before I decide to post them.

Among those include:

A longfic featuring Pete’s farm in Forget-Me-Not Valley (A blend of HMDS with the FoMT plugin and AWL). It takes place in the same universe as The Shy Newcomer (Claire in Mineral Town) and there are a few overlapping moments, although Pete’s story starts first. Pete’s personality is verrry different from Claire’s, and his story was kind of supposed to be the yang to TSN’s yin. Pete’s best friends in his story are Ruby (not sure if I’m adding Tim yet), Nami, and Rock. Readers will be treated to a poorly-socialized pre-Mineral Town Cliff (if you think he was bad at the beginning of TSN, well… heh… he’s a wreck here).

Another planned unpublished story is a crossover of Harvest Moon and the movie “In This Corner of the World”, based on a manga of the same name by Fumiyo Kouno. It was written as a gift for a friend. I have the entire outline figured out and have slowly been filling it in. My friend asked for an AU where Claire and Cliff have an arranged marriage and live with his family in Akiyama, the hometown I had created for Cliff in The Shy Newcomer. I took the opportunity to expand the characters in his family. I have it written during the same time period and society as “In This Corner of the World”, but had decided to write a spreading disease as an allegory for war, but then COVID happened and some parts of it just got really hard to write. There are also a lot of sexually explicit content as Claire slowly grows and learns from her spouse that it’s okay to express what she wants despite sex being a taboo issue. If there’s enough interest in the story, I’ll post it, but I worry it’s a little too niche for there to be many people into it.

Pastor Carter and Doctor Trent are one of my favorite rare pair ships. I’ve had a partial draft for a story about them for a few years now, especially focusing on Trent growing up and acknowledging that he has an unhealthy addiction for things that he knows he can’t have. There are some more adult/sexual themes in this piece, too, including the main character lusting after a married woman (who also happens to be his patient) and some lemons. (Does anyone call it that anymore or is it just referred to as “smut” nowadays? Haha) I always feel so bad for neglecting the folks at the clinic in-game and wanted to write a piece that focused more on them, Trent specifically. It’s a multi-chap fic, but I don’t think I’m going to let it get as long as some of my other pieces.

I also really want to write a short romantic oneshot for every marriage candidate in Mineral Town, around 1,000 words each. So far, I have one for Cliff and one for Gray. I want to write Claire with everyone, because I think it would be fun to explore all the different personalities.

I have more installments planned for A Single Day, including a day in the life of the following characters, all with drafts in varying degrees of progress:

Anna

Doug

Nora (yes, I’m writing from the point of view of the cat living at the inn)

More to come – I think Lillia and Thomas would be especially interesting to explore

I do still have that Legend of Zelda Majora’s Mask piece I’ve been pondering where Link befriends the soul of the deku scrub child while possessed by the mask. I don’t have much written about it, but I really love the world of Majora’s Mask. Such a fun game.

I also think about the lead carpenter’s son in Ocarina of Time and that weird side quest involving the blue chicken and the son being lost to the forest. Then that unique-looking kokiri girl explaining that all who get taken in the lost woods become stalfos. Like, did the guy die? Was he sick? Did he want to die? There’s just so much going on there that would be fun to explore.

I also have played OMORI recently and have like… A LOT of feelings about it. I don’t know what I’d write, but I’m still damn impressed at how well the characters are developed in such a short game.

Other games I’ve had vague ideas about writing for include the following:

The Flame in the Flood: I’m thinking a survivalist/action story fleshing out Scout’s backstory a bit more and her thoughts as she’s traveling. I feel like she’s a very lonely person, but isn’t given the chance to really dwell on it.

Night In the Woods: I’d love to write more about Mae’s dreams and what they mean to her. She doesn’t really talk to anyone about them openly, so it’s really hard to tell her feelings about them in some regards. We know that she’s distressed about them, but I’d like to dive a little deeper. Do the nightmares end after the games does? What about Bea’s new nightmares?

Hades (Supergiant Games): I think it would be fun to write more about the events that take place before the game starts, like Zagreus’s duties in the house of Hades, and expand on the strained relationship with his father.

[sandoriyon-p]

random headcanons: leon kennedy

notes; this took like 3 hours to write, with editing (it was supposed to posted yesterday but well, life hates me). after a whole month of doing absolutely nothing. how does this work? also, I find it very ironic that I wrote headcanons first for Leon and not for Chris. oh well. also 2: I wrote this for one person and she knows who she is. hope you gonna enjoy it and, well, hope I’m being a good Leon for you.

welcome to my rubbish headcanons with Leon S. Kennedy; while discussing the relationship with him, we’re going to focus on three main things: date nights, names of affection, and sleeping together, with the bits of random “small things”. let’s start, shall we?

so yes, date nights… if you expected going out every week, visiting different places, eating different foods - hope you came here ready to be disappointed. alright, perhaps not that disappointed, but we’ll talk about it later. for now - you need to know that the date nights with Leon are purely domestic. he loves to spend the nights with you at home. why? well, it’s obvious - he cannot allow himself to be at home, with you, every week/month, so those moments when he can do that are truly precious for him. it’s also obvious that he misses you and wants to spend time with you in a place where he can give you all the affection. do you worry about those date nights to become boring and repetitive one day? no need for that! Leon will find something to do with you, something new - board games, karaoke nights, watching cheap horror movies, you name it. (those may not be his thing, but he doesn’t care about it - as long as you’re happy and have fun),

but how about going somewhere? spending some time outside? he’s far too old (his words, you can quote him) for that, even for thinking about doing that, really. pure domestic guy. however! that doesn’t mean he will say “no” to every proposition of outside activities. the thing is - he won’t propose those activities. you’re the one to do it. of course, he may help you with organizing anything... if you want his help. or not (in most cases, it happens when he has no idea that you want to take him somewhere),

don’t be afraid to experiment with taking him to the places you think he may not like. honestly, he doesn’t care where you’re going to take him. what’s matters is that he’s going there with you,

even so… he has two guilty pleasures. one: he wants to take you on the date to a funfair. two: he wants to kiss you on top of the Ferris wheel, 

(random thing: Leon will always pay for things, no matter if it’s food or something you saw. money is a good thing only because he can buy you stuff you want. however! if you insist on paying for things, go ahead);

how about names of affection now? this is a bit shorter, but listen! Leon is a guy who likes simple things - this goes for “sweet names” too. he’s definitely a man to call you “honey” or “sweetheart”. it’s sweet, it’s old-fashioned, and he likes it. however, those are only reserved for private moments. in public, he’ll call you by your name or, if he feels like doing it, by your nickname,

as for him, for the names for him… call him however you like - he’s going to be embarrassed every time anyway (bonus points if you gonna use them in public). and… for the love of God, try and call him “lion” one day. his reaction will be priceless. (he’ll totally look you dead in the eye and roar dumbly. yeah, priceless.);

finally, the last main thing! sleeping! well, this topic is surely… interesting and difficult for me, as a writer, and for Leon as well. let me explain - he isn’t used to sleeping with someone, innocently nor sexually. well, he hardly sleeps in his own bed anyway, considering how many times he’s away and God knows where with another mission. but, to think he has to share a bed with someone? (even if that someone is his lover?). well…

at the beginning of your “sleeping” relationship, you need to understand that holding hands is the only thing (for now). nothing more, nothing less. it may be awkward for both him and you, but nothing is more awkward than how stiff Leon is during those first things. you can nearly swear you sleep with a log and not a person. and if he doesn’t sleep like that, he’s alerted and put into weird positions,

however, a bit later you notice that he becomes… hungrier for affection? he still holds your hand only, that is correct, but his body is noticeably closer to yours. he doesn’t say anything about it and he hopes you don’t too. but that’s the fact - from that moment, every day, he sleeps closer and closer, until one night,

one night he just lays down - you think he’s going to rest close to you, only hold your hand, but no. he closes his arms around you, hiding his face in your neck. no words leave his lips, just a simple deep sigh of relief. (he may not speak at that moment, but he is carefully paying attention to your reaction and if this movement isn’t making you uncomfortable). his body is noticeably relaxed (congrats! you’re no longer sleeping next to a log!)...  but not fully - he’s still a bit stiff and, perhaps, conscious enough to be aware of his surroundings (well, still counts as success, yeah?), 

favorite positions? Leon doesn’t really have one -  he favors the one you “used” when he finally held you in bed - hugging you close and hiding his face in your neck. however, surely soon enough, he’s comfortable to try something new, something you may favor. he just wants you close from now on;

alright, alright! so now, random small things in random big things!

Leon is protective. veery protective. the thing is - he doesn’t show that side of him or talk about it, really. he believes you don’t need for him to act as your bodyguard. he believes, and trusts, that you can take care of yourself. however! that doesn’t mean you have to deal with everything (that might be dangerous) alone,

alright, not everything you encounter is dangerous. proof? let’s say that someone approached you in order to flirt with you and with a lot of luck, take you home. of course, you have the whole situation under control but… oh, what’s that? what’s that familiar, yet unexpected feeling on your back? the familiar, yet unexpected hands on your waist? ah yes! it’s your never-protective boyfriend!... judging by his expression, he isn’t very happy with the attention you receive from a different man;

talking about being protective - Leon surely doesn’t try to talk about it or show it too much, as I wrote earlier. keyword: try. not successfully - simply because you can see that protectiveness of his in small things, like in holding your hand every time you cross a street or in him, making sure he’s the one to walk closer to the street while using a sidewalk,

of course, in terms of affection, he doesn’t only do that! obviously, you can expect different, small things too, like preparing your coffee/tea/etc. every morning (if he has time for it/he is at home). purposely leaving his warm clothes laying around, so you can be tempted to wear them and be warm! (he won’t admit it but the view of you in his clothes is too adorable). sometimes, Leon may even leave a note for you to read in the morning (happens when he has to wake up before you and leave) - it’s full of couraging things and bad jokes. don’t mind him, he tries to make you smile as the first thing you do shortly after waking up,

and about him, having to leave you for a mission - he always, always!, makes sure to make up for the lost time. in most cases, it means an unexpected date night at home… with less exciting things (meaning more tiredness, but more affections). Leon may or may not try to insist that yes, this is a date and no, you’re not allowed to go to sleep just like that. you need to do something to make this moment memorable! (it’ll probably result in you both eating an unholy amount of food. but who cares. he misses good food too! but not as much as he misses you),

every time he comes back from those missions, he brings you flowers. it quickly becomes a habit. he does that so you can have two things again - him and something nice to look at (well, surely, Leon is “something” nice to look at, but shh). and also because… he hopes you can forgive him for taking so long to return home; 

there’s something that he will never admit to - he wants to know the songs you’re listening to. they may not fit his music taste, but who cares. he doesn’t care. he wants to know anyway - but, more importantly, he wants to know the lyrics and the meaning of them. not to sing to you or anything like that. it’s just… he once read that to know someone’s feelings and thoughts, you just need to know what they listen to. it’s embarrassing for him, but not as much as when you catch him, going through your music collection and listening to everything;

remember when I mentioned that, with Leon, names of affection are only reserved in private? yes, the same goes for affection itself. don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t mind holding your hand or kissing your cheek. but that’s all. anything else - private. at home, mostly. well, yeah, he doesn’t mind showing how much he loves you in other places, but at home… he can do whatever he pleases. he can be himself. a man with a very strong love inside his heart - a feeling that is only reserved for you;

all in all - with the world going down, your relationship surely is a rollercoaster. but still… you know how to use a moment and change everything into a nice ride on a Ferris wheel, with a sweet kiss on top of it.

[queen-of-fanfics]

Dance With Me

Prompt: You’re an intern to the BAU where you stay late to help Hotch on some paperwork and feelings start to develop. 

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

A/N: Hey y’all! I’ve been binge watching Criminal Minds like my life depends on it! My favorite is Hotch right now because .... daddy. Lol, if you want to see other pairings or any requests, just let me know, but in the meantime, I hope you like this! I wrote it was 1am in one sitting ..... good luck. I know I didn’t write a lot of dialogue but if y’all wanna see more of that, let me knooooow

It was already hours past midnight, most of everyone had already gone home for the day. You were Penelope’s intern for the time being. You’ve been on the team for a few months now, working alongside Penelope in hopes of one day joining the team permanently. After working with the team for a few weeks, you started to notice that Aaron Hotchner tends to spend some late nights in his office working on cases or paperwork. And those were the days he got out early, there were times when you came into the office early and saw he had spent the night in his office. 

After you realized that he spent nights cooped up in his office while the rest of the team was able to go home and rest, you started staying late with him as well. First, you would occasionally poke your head through his door and ask if he needed any help. Grabbing him some fresh coffee or maybe some snacks if he started to get hungry and then go back to your desk out in the pen. Then he started asking you to help him on some paperwork and even look over some cases with a pair of fresh eyes. It somehow morphed into nights where you stayed in his office with him just to keep him company so he wasn’t working alone. 

Those nights, he made sure there was a babysitter at home with Jack. Though your late nights together weren’t as frequent, they were often enough for you to keep your schedule open. At first, it was just to win some brownie points but then you started to really enjoy his company. More times that you were willing to admit, Hotch would catch you glancing at him. At times …. even staring at him, though you would never say you were. You thought you were being subtle! But there was no hiding it once your cheeks started to get warm. He was nice enough to never call you out on it but you always caught him smiling down at his paperwork after. 

Lately, you two have been spending more time talking and laughing with each other than getting any work done. There was always some sort of take out for a late dinner and seeing him smile gave you butterflies in your stomach. During the day, it was rare to even see him smirk. Seeing this new side of him was like a complete switch and now you live to see him smile at you. 

Maybe it was the exhaustion and deliriousness talking, but you could have sworn that there was some tension happening between you two. You were too shy to ask or do anything about it. Maybe you were going insane because he’s your boss! He’s professional. He’s just being nice, that’s what it has to be! You’ll just have to keep telling yourself that before you do something stupid and get fired. 

Penelope had left for the night and you were just tidying your things from her cave of technology before you went to check on Hotch. You were hoping for another late night with him because you were starting to look forward to spending time with him but you didn’t let yourself get your hopes up on it. There was music playing softly through the speakers in the room as you out papers away into your briefcase. It was a mellow romantic song that made you want to dance. You started to sway around the room, twirling and gliding across the room while you grabbed more of your things. You were wearing a soft light blue dress that fell right above your knees. It flared out at your hips so when you twirled, it spun around your body making you want to dance more. You were so lost in your movements and packing up that you didn’t notice Hotch walk into the room. 

You turned around to grab the remote that was on a table by the door and let out a little scream when you saw Hotch standing there with a smirk on his face. His smirk turned into a smile as he was leaning against the wall watching you. You quickly straightened and you could feel your face get hot, “What are you doing here?! You can’t just sneak up on me, you nearly gave me a heart attack!” 

“Well, I believe I work here?” His smile only grew wider when he saw irritation on your face.

“I bring a peace offering, how about that. Do forgive me, I’ll make sure to stomp in the future so you can hear me coming.” He lifts up a white bag with take out boxes inside.

“That depends …. What’s in the bag?”

“Chinese. From that place you like down the street. That is if you don’t already have plans.”

“You know my ass will be sitting right there in your office shooting spitballs at you. I’m getting better at my aim I think.”

“Unfortunately so.” He chuckled at you as he pushed up from the wall. “Aren’t you on the clock? You know dancing does not make us look very professional to the murders we hunt.” He teased you.

Your cheeks grew a little warm at the reminder of what he saw. Though you were always a tough nut to crack and never backed down from a challenge, which worked against your shy nature but you couldn’t help it. Straightening your back, you lifted your chin and narrowed your eyes at Hotch.

“Oh really mister poopy pants. You don’t know how to have a little fun. You’re just jealous anyways cause you know you would lose to a dance battle with me. Just you watch, any unsub would fall to their knees when they see me dance!” You gave him a look and started to sway again with a smirk on your face. If you died, it would be from embarrassment but there was no stopping now. You closed your eyes and started to get into it more. 

Letting out a little chuckle, you turned around to grab your bag and head out with Hotch but you barely took a few steps towards your things before you felt an arm go around your waist and spin you around. You let out a small gasp as he fell into his chest. Your eyes widened like saucers and they shot up to look at him. He was looking down at you with a look you haven’t really seen from him before. His eyes were hooded, any trace of humor left his face but he was staring at you so intently. You couldn’t look at him for long because you felt like your heart was going to beat out of its chest and your brain went completely blank. You looked down at his chest and you felt him lean down until his lips rested right at the top of your head.

You both stood still like that for a while. Your hands were resting on his chest while his arms were wrapped around you in a tight embrace. One of his hands slowly slid up to grab onto one of yours that was resting on him. Your eyes were glued onto the sight before you, how perfect your hand looked in his. You couldn’t count the amount of times you dreamed of something like this. Lately, all that occupied your dreams was him. 

“Dance with me.” He whispered into your ear. Slowly leaning your head to rest on his chest, you two held each other in a soft embrace as he slowly started to sway you side to side. Your eyes slid closed and you just breathed him in. Soft music continued to play around you, it felt like something of a movie. It had to be another dream, it had to, so you were just going to enjoy every second of this before your alarm clock woke you up.

He felt warm. It felt like home being in his arms. Everything just felt …. right. You could have been out in the middle of a jungle but you knew, if you were in his arms, you had nothing to worry about. You didn’t want to leave this dream. You were almost too afraid to open your eyes. You didn’t want this moment to end, not yet. 

His hand lifted from yours and you blinked over your eyes hazily. You felt his fingers right under your chin, urging you to look up at him. You did as he wanted and looked up at his hard expression. 

“What’s wrong?” You whispered. Your eyes grew wide as reality set in and you gasped. You quickly tried to take a step back and out of his arms, “Oh! I’m so sorry, please don’t think I’m just trying to sleep my way-”

Your words were cut off as he quickly pulled you back into him, “Tell me to stop. Tell me you don’t want this. You don’t want me. I don’t want you to feel pressured into anything because I’m your leader-”

Thinking to yourself that it was do or die, you leaned up on your toes and pressed your lips into his and cutting him off before he could back out and away from you. Your hands reached up to cup his face as you pulled him down deeper into you. His arms tightened around you and pulled you flush against his body. You felt the world tip over, your head was spinning but you couldn’t find it in yourself to let him go. 

Finally you both pulled away to get some air. He rested his forehead on yours as you both shared a look. He smiled down at you in a boyish smile that made your insides melt. Feeling your face go hot again, you shoved your face into his neck and wrapped your arms around him. He let out a deep, genuine laugh as he hugged you tight and kissed you head. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Unknowingly to you, Penelope had security cameras installed in her room, ever since she got hacked not too long ago, she wasn’t taking any chances. When Hotch had first entered the room earlier, an alert had gone off on her phone. Penelope was having dinner with the rest of the team, they had already suspected something going on between you two and knew that it was probably best to let you two have your night alone.

When Penelope opened up the cameras to see on her phone, her eyes widened. “GUYS! It’s happening! Come look!” She yelled out to the rest of the team. Everyone quickly ran over to her to see what was going on. Everyone huddled close with some shocked and some knowing smiles on their faces as they saw you two kiss.

Penelope’s mouth was hanging open as she turned off her phone once you two left the room to go back to Hotch’s office.

“Well I would say it was about time.” Morgan said with a cheeky smile.

“I knew it was going to happen just … I can’t believe that.” Penelope said, still surprised. 

“Atta boy.” Rossi said smiling back at Morgan.

“I would say, they keep staring at each other like kids at school. How long has it been huh?” Emily said.

“Approximately 6 days after Y/N started so I would say 3 months, 19 days-”

“Too long. I was sure I would grow old before either one of them did anything.” JJ cut Reid off but still gave him a smile. 

“Never a dull moment with the BAU.” Rossi said as the team gathered together and went home for the evening. 

[violetwolfraven]

“Oh my gosh, Flynn! Don’t bother coming!”

Part 2 of that flarrie angst I wrote earlier. This should be fun.

Tw: abandonment, denial of feelings, a little internalized homophobia.

...

“Oh my gosh, Flynn! Don’t bother coming!”

Of course Carrie doesn’t want Flynn and Julie to come to her performance. Why would she? It’s not like they’re friends anymore. They’re not. They haven’t been for a while.

Carrie does not miss Flynn and Julie.

She doesn’t. She doesn’t need them. They were good friends while it lasted, sure, but that’s over and dead and it’s never coming back so Carrie isn’t stuck in the past missing them.

She’s got Dirty Candi now. And the others are talented, but not enough to be competition like Julie is, and they have a healthy fear of the girl who can kick them out of the band if she wants, so they don’t challenge her like Flynn does. They do what they’re told. Carrie doesn’t have to care about their opinions beyond making sure they know they can tell her if any choreography or costumes make them uncomfortable. Considering she’s had to alter a grand total of two dance moves since they got together, that’s not even that big of a concern.

It is not lonely, being a bubblegum pop princess ruling alone over her little kingdom by fear. It’s... different from how things were with Julie and Flynn, but it’s better. The other girls know that their talents lie mostly in dance and these days, that alone isn’t enough to get them the fame they want so badly. They need Carrie to get any real fame. Hopefully, that means they can’t just leave at the drop of a hat.

Sure, maybe Kayla never used to look at her with that caution before their dance class became their band, but it’s fine. It’s fine. It’s probably better, because if she’s afraid of Carrie, she can’t hurt her.

None of them can. No one can.

Carrie’s finally as invincible as she always wished she was and she is not lonely.

She doesn’t miss having Julie to bounce music ideas off of and Flynn to...

Flynn. Talking about everything from things that don’t actually matter to things that really, really do. Watching Pirates of the Caribbean and chugging soda to stay awake and braiding each other’s hair.

Flynn, who is as sarcastic as she is compassionate, level-headed as they are ready to throw hands with anyone who hurts one of her friends. Fiercely protective yet would probably sell you to Satan for one corn chip.

Carrie can still remember the process to help when there’s something bothering them. Turn on her favorite movie trilogy, mess around with her hair a bit, talk about nothing important until they’re ready to talk about whatever is important. Give Flynn her full attention, making sure they feel seen and her feelings are validated. Carrie got it down to a science years ago, and it always felt nice to help when they were upset. It made this warm feeling flush through her chest, seeing that lovely smile of hers creep out, and...

And okay, maybe Carrie can’t watch Pirates of the Caribbean anymore because it feels wrong to watch it without them, but that doesn’t mean anything! It doesn’t mean she misses her!

Carrie doesn’t miss people. Missing someone doesn’t bring them back, so why bother? And besides, Flynn and Julie are hardly the first people to leave her behind.

Honestly, though, she doesn’t expect Nick to leave until he does.

She knows about his crush on Julie (and on at least one of his lacrosse teammates at any given time). She’s not blind. Of course she knows. And she doesn’t particularly care, because she knows Nick, and she knows he wouldn’t cheat.

And she knows that they’ve been together since the beginning of 8th grade—over 2 years—and most teen relationships don’t last 2 months, so it’s not exactly a surprise that he doesn’t like her that way anymore. He did in the beginning, but lately they’ve been drifting apart not so much physically as emotionally. They’re not the same people they were in 8th grade.

Nick has known Julie for as long as he’s known Carrie, so of course he knew Rose, too (another person in Carrie’s life that left.) and for him, with the Molinas’ tendency to provide family figures to anyone who needs them, her death was probably a ripping open of old wounds, considering how his own mother died when he was little. Rose’s death affected him almost as much as it did a girl who’s known the Molinas since she was in diapers.

Carrie just... tried really hard not to think about it. She’s still trying really hard not to think about it. Because Rose was... well, she was around for more of Carrie’s childhood than her deadbeat of a blood mother was.

That woman is another thing Carrie tries really hard not to think about.

She who only stuck around for the first 7 years of Carrie’s life, and then left because... because she cried too much or needed too much attention or just got to be too much effort? Because she wasn’t a part of the future her mother wanted?

Because Carrie was never wanted in the first place?

It’s not like her dad ever told her, but Carrie’s not stupid. She knows that her parents were never married, and her dad had been tripping hard on the consequences of teenage fame around the time she would have been conceived. He’d cleaned up his act for her and her mom hadn’t because why would she put in the effort for the product of what was probably a one night stand?

Carrie’s not stupid. No one told her, but she knows she was an accident. And she doesn’t care. She doesn’t let how she came to be affect how she lives her life. She doesn’t be bright and flashy and talented to prove that she deserves her space in the world. She doesn’t let it affect her perception of herself or her relationships.

Flynn is always so effortlessly confident in themself, no matter if she’s feeling conflicted about her mom having a girlfriend or angry about their dad ignoring them or sad about her best friend’s mom who was as good as another mother to them dying. It’s one of the things Carrie loves hates the most about her. That she could be that confident (so confident she could almost make Carrie feel confident in herself).

Flynn always acts like they’re right. It’s infuriating because she almost always is she’s wrong when it comes to Carrie.

Okay, maybe Carrie doesn’t like Nick that way. Maybe Flynn’s right about that. But he bops to her songs. He doesn’t challenge her. And he’s hiding from acting on any of his actual crushes just like her.

They’re together because... because Carrie does like being around him. Nick’s easy to like. He’s friendly with practically everyone and has pretty flexible music taste. He’s popular, like her. They make sense together.

And Carrie knows he’s been hiding behind her to avoid confronting his crush on Julie for the last several months, so it honestly doesn’t make sense why he’d want to stop. What they’re doing now is safe. It’s easy. Effortless, really.

And it’s apparently not enough. Carrie is apparently not enough for him anymore.

Whatever. She doesn’t think him and Julie are going to get together, be it because of Julie’s new crush on her guitarist or Nick’s already-established inability to make a damn move on a real crush. Honestly, she’s expecting him to chicken out and run back to her like the last couple times.

Or at least... she is until he accuses her of the same thing Flynn did years ago.

When Flynn who is always right insisted she’s...

Carrie remembers back when they first came out, when Triple Threat was they were maybe... 11? 10? As a lesbian with she/they pronouns. She remembers how everyone was supportive, but Rose did pull Julie and Carrie aside later to say that they need to look out for Flynn because people can be hateful and though it’s getting better, things will be harder for her because of who they are.

And Rose was right. In the spotlight, it’s harder to be anything but straight. Her dad told her once about a friend he had when he was younger who faced so much shit because he was gay. She saw the stickynote some idiot stuck in Flynn’s locker in 7th grade. She’s seen producers and choreographers willing to work with Dirty Candi—until they look at Courtney’s Instagram and find that she’s out and proud and therefore not as marketable to a mainstream audience.

It’s not easy to be anyone trying to get your big break. But if you’re straight your sexuality is never one of the things that gets in the way, so Carrie is straight.

She’s fine with Courtney being out. She’s not their front woman and the group’s reputation can survive that. And Julie and Flynn’s sexualities are never one of the things Carrie mocks about them, but she knows from stalking the comments on Edge of Great and seeing some assholes saying shit about Julie being bisexual that others aren’t so kind.

Another reason Carrie liked being with Nick was because she had an excuse not to think about any of this.

Not to replay Flynn’s voice in her mind from when they were 13, confessing feelings Carrie had never even considered and asking her out.

She’d run away from that—run to Nick—because... because she felt bad, breaking Flynn’s heart. Not because there was any kind of realization and consequential panic about feelings for her that Carrie might, hypothetically return.

It’s easier to be straight. Being straight doesn’t hurt her career, and she needs her career because she’s got to prove to everyone who ever left her that they should’ve stayed that she’s just as talented as her dad.

So when the feelings and heartbreak and complications ruin their friendship because Flynn is right can’t accept being wrong, she doesn’t miss Flynn. She doesn’t miss Flynn. She doesn’t miss Flynn.

Pirates of the Caribbean isn’t even that good of a franchise anyway, so what does Carrie care if Flynn hates her guts and calls her a demon and growls that you don’t even like him and you can lie to the world and yourself about who you are but we can be friends again when you’re ready to stop lying to me.

Carrie doesn’t miss them. She doesn’t miss Julie, either. She doesn’t need either of them. She doesn’t want them around. She doesn’t enjoy the (grudgingly) impressed look on Flynn’s face on the rare occasion she shows up to a Dirty Candi show and watches Carrie shine without them.

But with how weird Nick’s been acting lately... maybe she does need Julie and Flynn’s help to find out what’s wrong, because the normal Nick left her clearly doesn’t trust her anymore and she won’t be able to help him by herself.

So after over a year of pushing them away, telling them not to bother coming to her performances, being angry that Julie is so successful, Carrie sucks it up, takes a deep breath, and walks over to Julie’s locker for a civil conversation.

The murderous look that Flynn gives her doesn’t matter. It’s fine.

Carrie hasn’t missed her, or... desperately wanted her around even when they were fighting or anything.

...

I’m pretty sure I saw someone call the blue one Courtney once. I don’t think it’s a canon name but that’s who that is if anyone was wondering.

I kinda rushed finishing this because jatp won an mtv award and I wanted to contribute to (maybe) making it trend so sorry if it kinda sucks! If you do like it, comments are love so please comment!

Also let me know if you want a part 3 cause I’m undecided on writing more to this.

[foryouthegays]

techno liveblog w timestamps lets go for ‘a new home (dream SMP)’ stream

good laugh times: 00:13:50, 00:14:55, 1:38:45, ik it doesnt look like a lot but like u should watch the stream anyway bc philzas there and his laugh is amazing and they just go so well together

times techno calls phil his friend: 00:6:00 00:37:00, 00:45:17, 0:1:09:30, 01:11:15, 01:26:35, 01:50:05, 2:35:00

FSDJKFAF;LS HE KEPT THE MUTED INTRO IN JHKADFLS (ends at 00:1:25)

i like how, when faced with Leaving Youtube, techno would choose to be an author. i want a book by techno. reblog this if u want a book by techno (with an audiobook by him as well) /hj. 00:1:33

i love how he says ehhhhhh so much lskjhdfas (abt 2 mins in) 

who the FUCK just remembers that the word fortuitous exists wtf 00:5:17

00:7:45 PHILZA TIME PHILZA TIME LETS GO

00:8:55 tommy time :/

0:14:10 rANBOO JUST WALKS IN, LOOKS AROUN ,AND LEA VE SIM CRYING 

i love how much philza laughs at technos jokes bc pretty much everything he says IS a joke he just says it in such a serious voice that p much everyone else is like,,,yeah,,,,yup,,,,and phil just knows when hes joking and his laugh is so good with technos voice. sbi? whos that? i only know philza and technoblade

00:19:30 ghostbur joins! this is my first time hearin ghostbur btw

00:19:40 haha string axe technos so bad at crafting what a fool /j

00:21:07 ghostbur: “Even I remember how to make a fishing rod!” ghostbur u just MURDERED technoblade oh my god im gonna scream hgjdfksla i love ghostbur so much

00:23:55: GHOSTBUR NO!! DON’T DIE YOU’LL BECOME A DOUBLE GHOST!!!! -technoblade 2020

00:24:55 technoblade neva lies -guys he almost did the technoblade neva dies ahh!!!!!

i havent heard anyone talk about this but techno has a dedicated roleplay voice. like listen to him talk to tommy at 00:25:08. his voice gets more even, he uses names a lot more often (seriously, listen to his theseus speech. he says tommy so often, its incredible.), and his voice gets,,,,deeper? not deeper but smoother, in a way, and he repeats what he says for emphasis instead of humor. and his voice is louder, and he seems more assertive. 

00:27:30 philza: where we goin, by the way? techno: to our- to my new home. 

techno cmon let phil live w u wed get so much more content cmonn

00:28:50 the fact that he calls the manhunt theme “dream music” makes me laugh so hard. and then his version of it,,,,,m love he (also he sings it here and at  01:14:20)

00:35:10 why is ranboo so cryptic im-

why does he just casually know the word sentry wh at i hate him 00:39:45

this is the worst sentence (structurally) ive ever heard techno say im gonna cry 00:49:33 ‘im too busy thinkin of new ideas to sleep so i could actually execute them’ and tubbos *oh?* after is just hdsfgkjlka

LKSJDHFJK 00:51:49

00:54:30

techno: thats one of dreams powers, he can just stop the rain

tubbo, quietly: like jesus!

i love them sm dsfhkjla they kept going but i jus gdfhjksa jesus has op

techno @ being the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans: haha funnie!!

techno @ having fun w religious stuff: i wILL BE CANCELLED NO-

00:58:10 “hey if ur [ghostbur]  a ghost, do instant damage potions heal you now?” “...no,, they hurt me still :(” DSIULZKJHFSLKFJH 

01:04:00 his brother named the cow bob im- aww 

also he has a fanart wall again!!!

01:09:30 “phil, you’re the only friend i have left in this world.” aWWWWW HE GAVE HIM THE COMPASS 

“dont smoke, it’s a joke” -technoblade 01:14:15

ROLEPLAY SPEECH VOICE IS BACK AT 1:16:10 “they pillage my base for everything i’m worth, they use me for the revolution, but oooOOOoo i took a pickaxe with his consent? oOOOooOo i’m a thief!”

holy shit 01:17:15 “you know what, phil? for you, the world, alright? it’s fine.” oH MY GOD HHHHGHG (context, right before they were arguing bc phil took some blocks from his base and techno thought that when he said phil could take anything he meant from the chests)

the COMIDY of that villager coming in and sleeping while techno was readin donos at 01:22:05 RIGHT AFTER phil freaked out abt inturruptin his dono readin im SFDHKJLA:

techno talkin bout the winstreak and how he wont be able to live up to that sort of playin at 01:22:30ish is super important and ill transcribe it tomorrow, but if u can id highly rec watchin it. 

01:24:20 “[readin dono] what’s your favorite movie? uh, the princess bride is pretty good” techno ily that movie rocks also he said it so fast like hes ashamed of it noo

techno says no to canon ranboo son btw! 01:25:30

01:25:55 “i wasnt in that story, therefore it doesnt matter” all of technoblr be like 

01:37:49 is great lemmie transcribe

“how have you still not gotten a second monitor?? holy shit.”

“let me tell you something. and im only telling you this because i know that so many people in the chat are gonna be furious. so i recently realized- i think the second monitor can just be any ol’ monitor, right? you literally just plug it in, and its set up? well i mean you have to turn on some settings, but like, thats it, or something?”

“yeah,,,,, uh techno you fuckin destroyed my chat, by the way, oh my god, [earlier techno told his viewers to twitch prime philza] there has been like 40 primes just flying through”

“yeahhh twitch prime!!! twitch prime philza yeahh!!! so anyways the other day, i like, i looked to my left, and realized that my old monitor has been like, five feet away from where i sit and stream for the last three years?”

“oh my god...”

“so i- i literally do not have to leave my room to set up a second monitor and i havent. and i’m still usin my laptop for this stream.

“is this gonna be one of those situations where you like, you have a thing, you just refuse to do the thing?”

“listen, my desk is-

“yOU STILL HAVENT OPENED UP THE HYPIXEL PACKAGE!!!”

“AHHHH I HAVENT OPENED UP THE HYPIXEL PACKAGE! I HAVENT EVEN OPENED UP MY MCC COIN! DUDE I HAVENT EVEN OPENED UP MY ONE MILLION SUBSCRIBER PLAQUE! ITS STILL THERE RIGHT BEHIND ME! ITs sTILL IN THE BOX! i never made a video on it....”

“bruhhhhh [philza laughs] thats FREE VIEWS what are you doing??”

“ill open it at 8 mil :/.”

“you could LITERALLY make a video of you just like, throwing it off a wall, and then thumbing up, like doing a thumbs up, and then that would be it. 10 seconds. ten seconds. thumb and elbow in shot. [laughs]”

techno is such a disaster i love him

01:34:18 the way techno says “tommy, that statement has NEVER been true” i dont like sayin i simp for block men but GOD sometimes his voice is nicer than usual hhhgn

“man i sure wish tommyinnit was in this stream” -nobody ever (just after previous timestamp)

01:40:15 is fuckin hilarious and im actually crying oh my god techno just says things and says them well with a completely straight face how does he do it

i cannot WAIT until theres a president w the last/first name andy so we can say president andy and think abt technoblade

IM CRIASDNGUSFHD 01:44:38 PHILZA LOOK OUT LOOK OUT PHILZA  LSKJDAFJASD;LKF

i love when techno talks abt his vids. like u can tell he puts a lot of thought into the vids (esp these ones) and like at 01:47:00 he talks abt the “I DIDNT PUT DEAPTH STRIDER ON THOSE BOOTS, FUNDY!” and how its just that creepin realization that you were doomed from the start and how he made the armor, he isnt intimidated by the netherite bc he didnt enchant it all the way and only he knows that,,, and i just,,,hgg he

he reveals that hes writin the next arc at 01:48:00: “oh, speakin of arcs, chat, i’m writing the next arc. so, you know. hope nothin bad happens in two weeks, chat!” IM SO EXCITED like he clearly has his character fleshed out and is SO good at writing and retellin history im so so excited to see where he takes it AHHHH and also taht means he might stream more bc he might make his character more important (keep in mind this is the guy who wrote self insert hypixel fanfics. he has no shame in puttin himself first and i respect him so much for it) 

01:51:20 “they’re tryin to get a second customer but they’re riskin their first” is lowkey a good line

has anyone else noticed that techno says wise a lot? like at 01:55:10 he literally says “wise dragon armor” as a joke but like i think he says wise so much BECAUSE of skyblock like hjkfdsla

01:57:30 techno plea se eat 

ok 1:58:45 is hilarious and all but at the end of his ramble he says “come back, i miss you” and lowkey im crying 

techno needs to stop knowing his audience more than we know ourselves im hsfkjda 02:05:25 “the chat’s spammin ‘eat technoblade, eat!’ like they’re not gonna start, like, theyre not gonna get super sad if i ended the stream right now, like theyre not gonna all cry ‘i miss technoblade *sniffs* why- whyd he leave to eat food, why did he listen to our advice noooo’”

02:14:50 NEW VIDEO POGGGG CARL THE HORSE POGGGGGG  NOT A STREAM HIGHLIGHT POGGGGG

02:17:40 “i could start a potato farm out here to show how much ive changed” techno last time u made a potato farm u started an entire war that lasted a year that does NOT say calm and retired to me lskgdfjagsldj

02:23:00 why does techno just reference greek mythology so much. makin me scared for his arc. 

also he talks abt smp earth a lot in this stream i love it so much

i also just. love?? how much sbi respect tommy like they bully him but when talkin bout him they just have so much respect for how much work he puts into youtube and i just,,,,hgnn they r friends 

02:33:13 sbi streamer house lets go cmon

02:34:15 “i think if i streamed every day i could keep up” on one hand YE S  but on the ohter oh god techno no we have to keep up tho

hearing techno say “violence isnt the answer” is so scary  02:35:40

02:37:30 technosneeze 

hiS BROTHER SENT HIM 46 DISCORD MESSAGES SFKDJLFLKASF 2:49:25 i love his end screen so much hes just sadness,,,,retirement,,,t,echnoblade,,,the government is going to fall on its own due to lack of organization and ideals,,,,,,subscribe,,,,,sadness,,,,,also 2:50:45 is making me laugh so hard its just sad music and technos like??? whys phil in my house drinking milk????? 

overall, fantastic stream, if ya want some chill techno philza content i highly recommend.