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otissbluebearshirt · 1 month ago

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Crystals - [ Barney ]

Summary: Your plan to leave Barney, after his dangerous endeavour into a dark zone, takes an unexpected turn when it leads to a sudden confession of those three little words

Word Count: 3111

Warnings: female!reader, love confessions, a lil angst, happy ending, swearing

A/N: idk if anyone reads for barney but i have a soft spot for him so… here you go… i hope i managed to capture him okay, i feel as tho he would def have a sweet side if he was in love so whatever

Masterlist | Barney Masterlist

You always knew Barney was a little reckless. A little carefree. A little dangerous. Ever since he appeared in front of you, covered in blood and wielding a blade in each hand, you always had a slight inkling that he would be a rather full handful.

He had saved your life, a few years ago, when a pack of virals had had you cornered in an alley, not far from the Bazaar. You’d been trying to get there for days at that point. Starving. Thirsty. With absolutely no willpower left in your veins and almost all your sense of survival gone from within your bones. You had almost given up entirely. You were tired… Running on one singular fuse, which meant you hadn’t noticed the Howler that was cowering behind a run down old bus near the town square.

It had taken you by surprise when you rounded it, it’s mouth opening and its ear-piercing scream filling the air before you even had a chance to draw your weapon. You took it out, but by then… by the time you had fully realised the seriousness of the situation you’d gotten yourself into, you were all but done for.

Your weapon, as pathetic as it was given that it was nothing more than a rusty old pipe you’d found on the ground, had been thrown from your sweaty grasp when one of the armoured virals charged at you. It had crawled out from underneath a nearby building, charging at full speed and knocking you clean on your ass, taking all the air in your lungs and your will to survive along with it.

You had thought that was it, at that point, as you struggled tiredly to fight it off before it turned you inside out. Your limbs were sore, your muscles weak, and the viral was a hell of a lot stronger than you, even on a good day, and, deep down, you knew that you were going to die. That your story was finally over and you’d go out as nothing more than a light snack to a raging beast, but then… as you gave up entirely, the weight from your body had lifted and he was revealed.

Or rather they were revealed, as there had been at least two or three other guys fighting alongside him.

But at that moment, as your eyes adjusted to the sun beating down on your bloody skin, your focus had been fixated solely on the ruggedly handsome face that was Barney. He had appeared before you, almost out of no where, swinging his weapon like a maniac and taking out every single last viral that had you cornered. He then lifted you off your feet and held you close, guiding you personally towards the safety of Bazaar, where once inside he made sure that you got the best care available.

From that moment on, your rocky past became nothing more than blood-covered history.

It didn’t take long, but soon enough Barney became the only thing in this world you truly cared about. And Sophie too, of course, but she was a lot more mature and you didn’t feel the need to worry about her as much — not with Herman by her side, anyway. But with Barney… You couldn’t help but worry about him. You’d always known what you were getting yourself into, when you fell for him. The guy could be more unruly than your typical renegade, but you’d grown to almost like that over the years. His spontaneity was one of the things you adored about him and you’d lost track of the countless times he’d surprised you throughout the years you’d been together.

However, lately… he was becoming a lot more than you, or your heart, could handle.

It’s why you were here now — in your hideout at the Tango Motel — packing your things. Or, rather you’d been trying to pack your things, but really you just kept moving them from one spot to another as you couldn’t fathom the idea of actually leaving him. Not when you loved him. With everything you had, you loved Barney for who he was but after what he did… After he’d tried to raid that dark zone, half-cocked, and with no real plan of action, you just weren’t sure whether or not you could stick around anymore.

“Sophie said I’d find you here.”

With a shuddering sigh, you stopped in your attempts at folding some clothes and slowly turned on your heels in the direction of his softened voice, your heartbeat ceasing almost entirely beneath your chest the second you laid your tired eyes on him. You had known beforehand that Barney had gotten hurt out there. You’d spoken to Veronica briefly, just to make sure the fucking idiot was okay before you left, but when you saw the true extent of it as he stood there… bruises covering his face… a deep gash etched into his forehead…

Even just the sight of the ragged old scars on his arms as they lay folded over his chest like nothing ever happened, was almost enough to solidify your decision to finally leave him.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, your voice wobbling as you tore your eyes away from him and picked up a t-shirt, attempting to fold it but failing miserably with the shakiness of your hands.

You had really been hoping that he wouldn’t show up.

“I live here?” Barney said questionably, dropping his arms to his sides and delving further into the home you both shared together. You kept your back to him as he did, ignoring him entirely as his eyes began to dart worryingly around the mess you had left in your trail around the room. “Baby, what’s going on?”

You sucked in a rather nauseating breath, your eyes pricking hot with tears as you let it out slowly, “I’m leaving.”

“Leaving?” Barney repeated, true panic riddling his voice. He crossed the room towards you in a few quick strides and hooked his hand, gently, around your arm, turning you to face him, where the heavy glisten of your eyes and the reddness that surrounded it broke his heart entirely. “You can’t… You… Why?”

“Why?” You repeated, a delusional chuckle leaving your wobbling lips as you pulled your arm free of his hold and wiped furiously at your eyes. “You’re seriously asking me why?” You shoved him away from you a little, anger overthrowing you entirely at his complete lack of awareness. “Fucking look at yourself, Barney!”

You almost couldn’t believe how naive he was being right now.

“Look at what happened to you, I mean…” Your breath caught in your throat as you threw your hands up, allowing them to fall to your hips. “What were you thinking? What possessed you into thinking that going, half-cocked, into the heart of a dark zone was a good idea?”

“We needed those crystals, baby, if I didn’t…” Barney took a second, his jaw tensing as he tried his best to control himself. He always knew he had a temper, and whilst it worked often on getting him out of the sticky situations he found himself in, he would be damned if he ever let it slip out around you. He lowered his voice as best he could, allowing it to soften in ways only you ever got to hear, “If I didn’t get them… Then we would have been completely fucked when it came to dealing with Jack and Joe.”

“Oh, bullshit,” You spat, folding your arms and glancing away from him. “You know as well as I do that Jack and Joe only care about one thing, and it isn’t crystals.”

“You’re right, it’s not. It’s you,” Barney gritted, growing closer to you. “They wanted you and if you think that I’d ever let those two cunts touch so much as a hair on your head, then you’re out of your damn mind.”

“And yet you still saunter right in to a fucking dark zone without so much as a plan,” You exhaled tiredly, turning to catch the slight furrow his brow. You stepped towards him, your fingertip tapping briefly against your temple, “Think about it, Barney… You’re the only thing standing in their way, I mean… What’s gonna happen to me if you go off and get yourself killed before we can take them out?”

“That’s not gonna happen.”

You scoffed, “No? Then tell me… Where is Kojak right now?”

You would have mentioned Birdie too, but you couldn’t bring yourself to use the poor kid just to make a point. Not when you had been the one to console his grieving mother after he’d gotten himself killed in Barney’s reckless endeavour.

“That was different, okay?” Barney spouted, veering towards the defensive. “Kojak got himself trapped…”

“Oh, and you didn’t?” You raised your brow at him, his eyes narrowing towards you as he no doubt tried to see through you — to see if you knew he’d gotten himself trapped or if you were simply just pretending.

He was normally quite good at reading you, but right now he wasn’t so sure what to think. He’d never seen you like this before, all but frothing at the mouth. You were livid with him, and rightly so. And whilst he knew that lying wouldn’t exactly be in his favour here, he still figured it was a better option than telling you the truth, and so he opened his mouth to do just that.

Only, before he could get the first syllable out, you held up your hand, “Don’t even try to deny it, Barney. I already spoke to the pilgrim.”

A grimace crossed his face at that little detail, his teeth clenching, “Why were you talking to him?”

“Because I wanted the full story — The true story and I knew that you wouldn’t give it to me.”

“And what did he tell you? The pilgrim?” Barney spat the word like it was poison, and you had every right mind to radio Sophie and tell her to keep Aidan at bay.

“He told me that if he hadn’t found you when he did,” You swallowed thickly, blinking away the tears that yearned to escape your eyes. “He’d have been reporting three dead bodies…” Your voice cracked as you said it, your head shaking, “Not two.”

The motion, as gentle as it was, pushed a tear through your lashes and it slowly began to roll down your cheek. You didn’t even bother wiping it away. You wanted Barney to see it. You wanted him to know just how scared you had been of losing him, and, to no surprise, it seemed to work. He had closed the small gap between the two of you before the tear could even drip from your chin, his hand cupping your face where he wiped away that shimmering droplet.

“You gotta know, I only did it for you,” Barney said softly, hating the idea of having made you cry.

You sniffled, “How was any part of this for me?”

“The crystals…”

“God, enough with the crystals, Barney!” You pushed away from him momentarily, drawing your hands down your face before peering back up at him. “I don’t need any fucking crystals, okay? The only thing… The only person I need in this fucked up world is you!”

You were in front of him again in the blink of an eye, your fingers curling around his vest, gripping it with all your might as you stared deep into his guilt-ridden eyes. Like you afraid he’d suddenly just drop dead in front of you. Your heart ached over the mere thought of it. Your stomach knotting tighter than ever and so you tugged him closer, pressing your forehead against his and feeling as his hands came to land aside your neck, forcing your eyes closed as you relished in the light circles he drew over your skin.

“I need you… Barney,” You whispered, your hands loosening from around his vest before they slowly made their way up his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat beneath it. They worked their way over his shoulders, drawing up the length of his neck and circling around the back, where your fingers laced together, keeping him there. “You… Don’t you get that?”

“I do now,” Barney’s choked words forced your eyes to open, his own now swelling with tears that you rarely ever got to see. In fact, you didn’t think you’d ever seen him cry before and you had honestly thought that the man was made of nothing but pure stone. And yet here he was. So vulnerable. So afraid of losing everything he’d worked so hard to keep that he couldn’t bring himself to look at you. “I’m sorry, baby. I just… I don’t know what I’m doing here cause I… I’ve never had this before.”

Your brow pinched, “Had what?”

“Someone who cares about me,” He confessed, his head dropping along with your heart. “My whole life it’s only ever been Sophie and I just… I didn’t think. I never fucking think and I know that now. I know that my behaviour is reckless, and I just… Fuck…” His gaze raised back up to you and he held you tighter. “I don’t want to lose you…”

By this point, tears were all but pouring down your cheeks and he couldn’t quite keep up with them.

“I don’t. I won’t cope without you because I…” Barney choked, rolling his lips tightly and digging his teeth deep into them as he swore internally.

Jesus Christ, why was he so bad at this? Why was expressing his feelings so hard for someone with no filter whatsoever? All he had to say was three little words. Just three. A simple, three worded phrase that could potentially fix everything and yet he couldn’t even seem to do that.

At least, not until his eyes locked onto yours and saw the way you looked at him. With affection… Adoration… Pure, unfiltered love just sitting there for everyone to see. He’d always wondered how he’d gotten lucky enough to catch your eye, let alone keep it. Sure, he saved your life. And yeah, he may have been smug in thinking that he could get any woman he wanted, but the truth is… He’d never even slept with a woman, not before he met you. You were his first. His first kiss. His first fuck — classy, he knows, but how else could he put it? His first crush. Hell, you were his first love… His first everything and he simply couldn’t fathom the idea of losing you.

“I love you.”

His words came out as clear as day, hitting you with the full force of a demolisher and nearly knocking the wind clean out of you. He’d never said that to you before, not once. You’d always just gotten the sense… the slight tingle in your chest that he might have loved you — considering how sweet he was with you and how protective he could get when someone so much as looked at you in a way he didn’t overly like — but you never would have actually expected him to say it.

Over the years, he’d never shown any inkling that he ever would. Not a slip up or a stumble. Not a sleepy mumble or even a pinnacle of climax, spur of the moment, confession… Not a single hint did he ever give you that he was ready to confess it verbally. He didn’t seem like the type, if you were being honest, and you were fine with it. You had him… he had you… and that was good enough given the world you both lived in, and yet here he was.

After having almost lost you for good, through no fault of his own, he’d finally said it. He taken responsibility just by doing so. He knew he’d fucked up for good this time and whilst he could have simply been saying it to keep you in his bed, you knew he meant it. It wasn’t some ploy to get you to stay, as Barney wasn’t like that. He didn’t beg. He didn’t wallow. He didn’t like to make himself out as some sort of pathetic loser — his words. No, he must have truly meant it to finally allow those heavy floodgates to open, and in that moment, you couldn’t believe how you’d ever thought about leaving him.

“I love you too,” You choked out, your breath hitching as you slid your hands around his neck in order to take a gentle hold of his face. You could feel it rise beneath your touch. A true, genuine smile building on his face, as opposed to his usual cocky grin — which, as much as you adored, was nothing in comparison to the warmth he was offering you now. “As much as I hate you at times… I do love you, Barney.”

Barney let out a watery chuckle, “I guess, I’ve given you plenty of reasons to hate me at times.”

“You have,” You said, your own lips curling into a fond smile. “But you’ve also given me a hell of a lot more reasons to love you.”

He shook his head, “I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” You said softly, leaning in to place a tender kiss against his lips that almost had him wanting to weep. “You deserve nothing but love, Barney. And whilst I’m more than happy to give it to you, I need you to promise me something.”

“Anything,” Barney replied in a heartbeat.

“Stop acting like you’re expendable,” Your voice was low and soft, yet it had never sounded so serious in the whole time that he’d known you. “You’re all I have in this world, Barney, and if you keep going the way you’re going…“ You swallowed, forcing back the lump in your throat, “then you’re gonna end up dead, and I don’t know what I’m gonna do if that happens.”

“Believe me, baby, my days of recklessness are over,” Barney said assuringly. “I can promise you that.”

“Then do it,” You whispered, drawing your thumb down the stripe of black that always sat on his chin. “Promise me that you’ll stop this.”

Leaning in, Barney took a second to simply gaze into your eyes before he pressed his lips against yours, kissing you so soft… so tender… so downright sweet, that you almost thought it was another man entirely. He then pulled back, just a touch, his features tightening as he cleared his throat and voiced everything you needed in order to stay with him for good.

“I promise.”

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