#dw this isn’t /neg

[liemonaid]

Schrodinger‘s nose: is this thing snot ridden or barren. It feels like both!

[sygzie]

i’m just fucking BAFFLED that the guy who created the journey’s end ending (which i’ve always thought made the s1-4 storyline THE most beautifully crafted thing ever) just completely disregarded the whole thing? the audacity to call that the one adventure he’s never had when that was the line used to foreshadow tentoo’s ending with rose. an ending which was made to juxtapose time lord ten’s ending because those two simultaneous truths are (were?) genuinely the entire point of rtd1 era to me. but watching the special made it feel like those things that to me were so important never even happened and i’m honestly confused

[p4rty4nim4l]

isn’t this just great >_^

[grandadtwelve]

being a rtd defender is such hard work

[bingqiv]

the maestro should’ve been a two parter villain. it just felt rushed? like the defeating of them? i also would’ve loved to see just more of jinkx.

[hiero-green]

ART RAMBLE INCOMING LOOK AWAY IF U DON’T CARE just some art thoughts that have been on my mind recently

i wanna like. like i loooove doing fanart obviously don’t take this as me shitting on fanart or thinking it’s “lower” bc at the end of the day it’s what i love doing the most, BUT

with my non-fanart stuff i wanna like. rly try and dig into what. I want to make. the things i wanna portray with no input from anyone else, no consideration for how other people will perceive or receive it yknow. i wanna like. portray beauty that i find and connect with. and i don’t even mean “”controversial”” shit bc i don’t think i’ve rly made enough art to feel like i can make anything transgressive or whatever (which isn’t my intention anyway, i don’t particular care for like…. shocking people or pushing boundaries or the like (which is also a perfectly good intention for one’s art) i just want to fearlessly portray the things i connect with) but even just starting at like. you see women all the time in art to represent beauty. why so few men. i wanna use men more to portray beauty. different kinds of beauty. and not just like conventionally attractive men. like there are so many beautiful people out there that get overlooked as a potential subject of beauty because they’re not “”attractive”” and i don’t even mean like “oh everyone is hot to someone!” i mean you dont have to even be attractive to have appeal. to have charm. whether you’re hot or not you’re a person and that’s So Unbelievably Beautiful all by itself and even if you have a crooked nose or a droopy eye or a weak jawline you are a Person and I love you and i want to capture even an inkling of what i feel when i think about that and put it on a canvas in the futile hope of releasing some of that emotion into something physical. i just really want to create, y’know. i think i want my non-fanart/illustrative stuff to be like a mood board of me n how i feel. yea

[suspicious-skink]

Hey, I (unfortunately) may not have been a huge fan of 13’s series, but man potd was silly and goofy, and it had callbacks and role reprises and Rasputin by Boney M. It had “Tag, you’re it.” (Honestly man, such a good line). It had The Master (<3) in a goofy little all-encompassing-Doctor outfit. I couldn’t ask for more :)

[laiiaaa]

SARDINES — CARMEN BERZATTO

summary Carmen seems a little off when you visit him, and you try to figure out why. For once, you pry him open.

length 3.2k

contents angst, hurt/comfort, he's really an angel even if he's closed off n stubborn, very very emotional, lots of negative self-talk from Carm, he cares so so much, relationship talk, everything resolves in the end dw &lt;3

It takes more than a few knocks for Carmen to open the door. If you counted correctly, it took six tries, plus a phone call. So you shouldn’t be surprised that when he finally does open the door, he barely gives you a kiss on the cheek and mumbles Hey before turning his back to you again, back in the kitchen with his phone face up on the counter. He’s antsy, almost talking to himself, checking his phone every five seconds.

You walk in and lock the door behind you as you take off your shoes, and you drop your bag on the coffee table, which houses little else other than a remote and a day-old mug with coffee staining a ring in the bottom. “…Everything okay?”

He leans into the counter with his weight on his hands and spares you a glance and a haphazard nod. “Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine—just waitin’ for my guy to call back.”

“Isn’t it a little late for that?” Sitting down on the couch, part of you expects him to join you without being asked. Your back and feet ache, and all you want is for Carmen to lay with you, ease his hands up and down your spine, and watch the first thirty minutes of a random film before falling asleep.

“No, no—he usually answers when I need ‘im.” But he’s working. He’s at home, and you’re waiting on him, but he’s working. He seems to be prioritizing that a lot lately—a lot more than usual, at least. Running a hand through his hair, he watches the screen again, and mutters to himself, “Thirty fuckin’ minutes. Fuck you.”

You peek over the back of the couch. “Are you sure everything’s okay? You sound upset.”

“Yeah, baby, I’m—fuck this—” He derails from answering and instead picks up the phone again, calling and letting the dial tone ring out the second time this hour. He waits with his hand on his hip and his lip tugged between teeth.

You know ‘his guy’ doesn’t pick up when he drops his phone on the counter again with a sigh and another muffled profanity. “Carm?”

His head rests between his hands, but he lifts it to look at you. “Yeah?” 

“Can you come sit with me, please?”

God, how you tug on his heart strings when you ask, your voice all sweet and dripping honey, you make it impossible to resist. “‘F course, yeah,” he answers, pocketing his phone and turning off the kitchen light before joining you. 

He loops an arm over your shoulder as he presses his lips to your temple, and his heart skips a beat or two when you snuggle into him with your hand splayed against his chest. The two of you stare off at nothing in particular, soaking in the touch of the other. You smell so distinctly like you—like home—he’d be getting lightheaded in the best way if he weren’t so…so caught up in everything you help him escape: work, the fringe family, being so dead tired that in his mind he can’t tell where his kitchen ends and the fire begins. But that phone call he’s waiting on. It’s poking needles in the nape of his neck. 

You sit up after a couple minutes, keeping a hand planted over his heart when you look at him. “I can literally feel how anxious you are.” He scoffs, but before he can protest you add, “Seriously, Carm, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s—everything’s just…” He looks off into nowhere behind you, his free hand making circles in the air like the words will fall into his palm if he tries hard enough. He stumbles for a few moments until he looks you in the eye again, a bit pained when he tells you, “Everything’s fine, baby.” The arm that was hooked over your shoulder is now curled around your waist, and his fingers, rough and scarred, trace meaningless shapes into your back, teasing beneath the hem of your top. “You don’t have to worry ‘bout it, alright?”

You’re unconvinced. You shuffle your hips around to straddle his, placing your hands on his shoulders with your thumbs carefully massaging the sides of his neck. Like clockwork, his hands take purchase of your waist, and he brings one to slide down over the curve of your ass before smoothing circles into your thigh. He always seems to speak to you in this way—maybe about as much as he tells you he loves you through his food—the physical connection much easier to manage than trying to crack open the rock-hard shell in his chest.

You lean into him a little more, your back arching ever so slightly. “You know I want you to keep me in the loop. What’s the guy for now?”

He sighs. “It’s just—shit with the stoves ‘n it’s messin everyone up, the kitchen’s basically a fire hazard, ‘n I really need him to answer his damn phone before something…” He shrugs. “…Before something just, I dunno, blows up, I guess.”

“Well, nobody’s even in that kitchen right now, so no explosions just yet.” You eye him for a moment, biting at your lip in contemplation when he doesn’t smile quite like he usually does at your drier jokes. “Is there something else bothering you?”

His brows furrow. “No, no—why, why’re you askin’ it like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like, like…” He shakes his head as if it pains him to consider it. “Like there’s somethin’ wrong with me, or, or somethin’ I’m hidin’—”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Carm, c’mon.” Your voice goes softer, hands a little gentler as you cradle his jaw in your palms. “I just want you to let me in.”

He takes a deep breath through his nose. “You’re always sayin’ stuff like that,” he mumbles, and you can feel the vibration of his voice through your hands through to your heart.

“Because I mean it.” The AC whirrs nearby, almost muffling your words. “I want you to tell me about the things that bother you. I would never judge you.”

You’re so tender with Carmen, he thinks he could melt into a puddle on the floor, left to seep into the floorboards and through the ceiling of his downstairs neighbor. And he feels the words bubbling to the surface, the emotion pooling, red-hot behind his eyes, an answer burning at the back of his throat and clawing through his chest rough enough that the kisses you scatter from his cheek, to his jaw, to his neck do little to aid his wounds. But when he answers you, it’s tame. “I do tell you about things.”

“You do, but…” You wrap your arms around his neck and nuzzle into the space between it and his shoulder. “I’m just thinking about this game I used to play when I was a kid, sardines.”

His head tilts back against the back of the couch, and your breath dances along his skin while his hands smooth along the bumps of your spine. “Sardines?”

“Mhm,” you hum, “It’s kinda like…hide and go seek, but reversed. One of us would hide, and when someone found us, they’d squeeze into that spot too. And I remember being terrible at it, because we’d be making faces at one another in our little hiding spot, and I could never stop giggling, and I’d just expose everyone too soon.”

He chuckles quietly to himself. “I can picture that, you laughin’ while shoved in a closet.” His fingertips trace your shoulder blades.

“Pretty much how it went. Always too loud.”

“But I like hearing you laugh. I—I always feel better…gettin’ to see you all happy.” He’s thinking he got a little too caught up in the moment, and before you can say anything back, he asks, “What were you thinkin’ about the game, then?”

“It’s a little stupid to say it out loud,” you start.

“‘S not stupid, promise.”

You pause, hesitant. “…Okay.” One quick kiss to his neck before you continue, eyes closed to sink into him, “I just like to think that, eventually, you’ll let me in like…like it’s a game of sardines, or something. That I’ll just…squeeze in right beside you, and—and you’ll let me be there for you without pushing me away.”

He hums, low and drawn out to give you a beat to breathe.

“Sometimes I just want you to tell me what it is that’s bothering you, just to…make it easier on you a little bit, knowing someone’s in your corner. Just to be there.” Your fingers twirl into his messy curls and scratch at the nape of his neck the way he likes, and his silence drags on long enough to make you anxious.

But Carmen, too, is anxious. His chest is tight, his hands fidgety, and he’s sure—he knows, he feels it in his gut—that he needs to say something, anything. But he can’t find the words. They swirl in the back of his mind, and he can taste them crawling to the tip of his tongue, but they never become clear. They lurk where he can’t see them, and he keeps his thoughts on lockdown for you, because he’s been convinced along the way somehow in his decades of living that it’s easier, for him, if he keeps the softer parts stowed away, never to be seen again. He’s starting to think you’re trouble, that you make him softer where he grew to be tough. So it’s muffled and covered by his palms smoothing up your waist when he asks, “Sit up for me a bit, baby?”

And you listen, of course, because really you’re thankful he didn’t kick you out by now. Your vision is blurry from tears pooling in your eyes, but his hands—so, so gentle, the touch barely there like he thinks you could break—cup your jaw and urge you a little closer, his thumbs stroking your cheeks and wiping away stray tears. The two of you gravitate closer until your noses brush by one another and you exchange breath, until he leans into you and slots his lips against yours. He’s hesitant and careful, he doesn’t know if it’s quite the right thing to do or if it’s says what he needs it to, but when you prop your hands against his chest and kiss him back he knows part of you needs it like he does. 

Both of you need it—that silent exchange, emotions spilled between sweet kisses and kind hands. So you stay that way, with Carmen’s hands holding you close to keep you from running away, and yours answer back I’m here, until he pulls away, eyes closed, to rest his forehead against yours. 

He keeps himself blind when he whispers, “I know…” You can tell he’s mulling over his thought, so you wait for him to add, “I—I know, that you’re in my corner. An’ I want you there, alright?”

You try to soak in the feeling, so close and seemingly getting closer, a little breathless from his kisses as much as his words. “Alright.”

“I just—I just get so, so stuck in my head that I…” He swallows. “I can’t tell half the time if there’s anything even worth sayin’, I’m just spaced out ‘n…going fuckin’ crazy.” His brows furrow against yours. “I’m not used to stuff like this.”

“I know.”

His hands rest along the curve of your face a little firmer when he suggests, “But I can try—to, to, uh, tell you things, to let you in, or, or however you put it—I—” A deep breath. “I’m so fuckin’ bad at this, I’ve never done this, but—but I’ll try, for you, alright? You tell me, an’ I’ll try for you.”

You nod against him.

“Fuck,” he hisses, “I just—it’s just—I like this, y’know? Being with you, I like what we have, I—I like doing this, and—I wanna…I wanna make you happy. The same way you do for me…” He goes quiet and shakes his head a little, anticipating his next words. “I don’t wanna fuck it up.”

You can’t fight the smile that pulls at your lips, even if it is bittersweet. “You aren’t gonna fuck it up, okay? Being with you already makes me happy. I know you’re trying.”

“But trying isn’t…it’s not always enough, an’ I know in some ways—in a lotta ways, probably, I’m not…I—I’m not the best at saying things, an’—shit, am I—am I saying too much—?”

“No, Carm, no. I want you to keep talking.” You take his lips in another gentle kiss, your stomach whirring warm and content.

“I don’t really know what to say, or—”

“It’s okay,” you coo. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but…if there was something else bothering you earlier…you can tell me.”  You pull back a little to really look at him, running your fingers through his curls and making him gently close his eyes. “And I’ll just say okay, and then we can move on. I won’t say anything unless you want me to.”

He hums with his eyes still closed, his mouth in a smirk. “Mm, like sardines.” It’s a little snarky when he says it, but when his thumbs brush beneath your top, you know he’s just thinking over his options. 

“Yes, like sardines.” You’re a little embarrassed, but also a little thankful that he followed the bit.

He waits for a few moments, just breathing, letting you smooth your hands through his hair and over his shoulders and down his chest. It’s calming, he realizes—simply existing in the same space, careful touches and brief kisses. He runs his palms from the back of your waistband to the plane between your shoulder blades and presses gently, urging you to lean against him once again. When your head rests against his chest, he takes in a deep breath through the nose and out the mouth. He watches the ceiling. 

“There’s…” Another pause. “It’s not just the stove that’s botherin’ me.” 

You don’t answer him, not even a hum to acknowledge he’s said anything, and he realizes that you were serious about the whole ‘not saying anything’ bit. 

“I…fuck, I don’t even know how to say any ‘f this. I think…I think I’m just freakin’ out about…about everything. The restaurant…you…” There’s a long, heavy pause, a shaky breath. “An’—an’ that’s it, really, besides family I guess—which is really fuckin’ pathetic when I say it out loud.” A sniffle. “Real pathetic. But all I’ve had is fuckin’…fuckin’ cooking, an’ working, an’ dealin’ with my family ‘n fuckin’ Richie all my life—” His chest gets, tight, a hand leaves your back to run over his mouth. “God, an’ I am so fucked up,” he laughs.

You were already crying before, and the tears keep coming, streaming from your eyes to your cheeks and staining Carmen’s shirt. You’re not sure whether he even realizes.

“I’m fucked up, and you’re just—you’re so perfect, compared t’me, ‘cause you’re all smart, an’ you always know the right thing to say ‘n how to say it, an’ you’re just in a completely different world sometimes, an’ I want in—I wanna be able to do things for you, all of it, but—” He needs to catch his breath. He needs water. He needs sleep. His throat is sore and scratchy, he feels his pulse pounding in his forehead. “I’m just…scared…that—that I could fuck you up, too.”

His chest expands beneath you, and you’re shaking, biting at your lips to stifle sobs. Part of you wants to sit up and hold him close, tell him that he’s the perfect one and you’re anything but, that all he’s ever been is made for you, that maybe he is fucked up, but you don’t care because you love him all the same—you love him.

Carmen isn’t used to this reaction. He’s used to explosions, yelling, screaming, pointing fingers with hot tears, saying what he shouldn’t, saying what hurts, guilt smacking him across the face for years to come. He’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. He feels your trembling and holds you that much gentler. 

“Baby,” he starts, “Hey, lemme see you, you’re shaking—” He tries to peel you from his torso, prodding at your sides until you wipe at your eyes and sit yourself up. His hands reach to hold your wet face. “What—what’s wrong?”

You push his arms away. “Sardines, Carm.” You try to stay true to your word—that you’d take what he says, and only store it away—but you’d be lying if you said you’re not struggling to keep more tears at bay. 

“I want you to talk to me. You said you’d talk if I wanted you to, I—I need you to talk to me, c’mon, please—”

“This is so wrong—I’m the one who should be comforting you—”

“Hey, hey hey hey—” He smooths a hand over your hair and presses kisses to the tear stains on your cheeks. “That doesn’t matter to me. That doesn’t matter to me, alright?” He holds you steady, waits for you to meet his eyes, and when you look at him, it’s like he can see right through you. His thumbs brush away your tears, and your breathing settles.

You sigh, your hands moving from his chest to his shoulders. “We’re such a mess.”

Carmen shakes his head, mind full of you as his eyes trail the contours of your face, the plush of your lips when your teeth bite at them. “Wouldn’t wanna be with anyone else.” His hands touch your waist again and ease you into him, buzzing with your soft curves in his grasp. It’s more than therapeutic, he thinks. Life-sustaining might be more accurate.

You nod, and your fingertips graze along his cheekbones before you plant a soft, yearning kiss to his mouth.

He kisses you again because he can’t help himself, and he might be too scared to look you in the eye when he says it, but eyes closed or not, he means it. “You’re so good to me.” His arms wrap around you again, addicted to feeling your weight beneath his skin, and he presses his lips to your jaw. “So fuckin’ good to me,” he repeats, lower than a whisper like it slipped by without thinking. 

You card your hands through his hair, messily beautiful, and answer, “You deserve someone good,” just as quiet as he is.

He swears his heart stops, and his lips trail from your jaw down to your neck. “You’re too good to me,” he says again, with a bit more honesty in the change. He knows you, so he already knows what you’re going to say, and that any other time he’d deny it.

You hum, a warm smile curling the corners of your mouth as you pull him closer to your chest, grazing your lips by his hairline for a gentle kiss. “No such thing.”

And for the first time, with his arms wrapped tight around your waist with a gentleness reserved only for you, and with your body slotted against his, he really starts to believe it.

[krashlite]

I think that c!Jimmy liked being a Bad Boy and a Big Dog because for once in this series a role let him be reckless without being mocked/put down by his allies and without truly harming anyone through the risks he took. In this essay I will explore his character through this lens

Jimmy is an extremely optimistic character, almost always seen smiling and laughing about whatever’s going on. Not in the sense that he laughs when he’s nervous, but in the sense that he makes light of whatever scenario he’s in. On a deeper level, this also translates into overconfidence in a glass-half-full type of way. If there’s a chance a plan could go south, he only focuses on the potential benefit. If there’s a chance he loses a fight, he only focuses on winning

This isn’t to say he’s unaware of negative outcomes, he just chooses to ignore them. The result is him making poor decisions over, and over, and over again. Jimmy knows exactly why he did that but from an outside perspective he’s regarded as stupid

This is seen as early as 3rd life, with Scott practically putting him on a leash to stop him from fighting Ren and his army. Specifically when they manage to chase Dogwarts away from Joel’s base, Jimmy goes to give chase and Scott immediately stops him. They’ve won, and he doesn’t understand why Jimmy would push it further. Jimmy, on the other hand, is thinking about how they’ve been chased across the map like rabbits and knows DW will be back unless they establish themselves as a threat. Now’s the perfect time, since they have the upper hand

But again, Scott doesn’t see this. In his mind, the battle is won and they shouldn’t expend more time, energy, or resources on it. Ultimately he doesn’t want to see Jimmy hurt and believes that restricting what Jimmy does will protect him from harm

I think this shows a fundamental difference in how they interact with the world. Scott’s more practical- he only does what he feels is necessary and is humble enough to know when the risk isn’t worth the reward. Jimmy, on the other hand, wants to test the limits and see what he’s able to accomplish through, once again, taking unnecessary risks.

But this is where things get messy

Again, there is a fundamental difference in their thought processes. This causes them to clash, and since Scott is the one who held more “power” in the relationship (being the one to decide many aspects of their base and being the one to make most deals and plans for the both of them), resulted in Scott putting Jimmy down A Lot. This started with Jimmy returning from the desert without several of the armor pieces he left with and continued throughout the war.

Jimmy, in response to this treatment, started acting More reckless as a means to prove himself. He wanted to be seen as just as strong, smart, and capable as the people around him. Ultimately, he wanted to be respected in his own right, and that didn’t really happen this season!

Nor did it happen in LL,

LL was an entire mess for so many reasons and most of it was due to the game mechanic itself. Lives being treated as currency caused rifts in many alliances, especially the Southlands

This coupled with the fact that Jimmy is already back in 3L habits, trying to prove himself constantly, makes an incredibly messy situation. His efforts in monopolizing sugar cane are downplayed and mocked, he spends so much time getting spyglasses just for Mumbo to lose them. These are meant to be harmless jokes (and really, they are) but Jimmy’s coming off of an unbalanced power dynamic and a tiny bit of it eats away at him and he can’t figure out Why.

Jimmy doesn’t understand why he doesn’t feel valued in the team, so he starts looking at arbitrary reasons Why. The reason he settles on is the life count, with Grian’s death making it known that Yellow-Names are on the brink of being exiled.

This comes back to the game mechanic. Jimmy sees Martyn with four lives, with the ability to either a) bring Grian back to Yellow or b) offer a Yellow-Name in the alliance a life to keep them safe, and Martyn Doesn’t. This tells Jimmy that Martyn either doesn’t trust him or doesn’t value him enough to even attempt to protect him

I think this was even voiced a couple of times during LL, with Martyn closely guarding his lives and finding every reason he could to justify it (he was fully in the right for keeping them, even if doing so hurt others). Jimmy backed off, but there was just a small amount of bitterness that lingered

With Martyn, I think Jimmy picked up on the fact that Martyn was more concerned with protecting his Alliance than the people in it. He needed a group around him, but wasn’t terribly concerned with them otherwise

And that’s what fueled his decision to steal the life. If Martyn doesn’t respect him, if he doesn’t trust him, if he doesn’t care enough to protect him, why should Jimmy do the same. Why should he be a human shield for someone who barely looks his way. Impulse and Mumbo could stay if they wanted, but he wasn’t going to

Which makes it hurt so much more when Martyn asks to run away with him, when Martyn says he cares about Jimmy more than anyone else in the alliance. I want to remind you, Jimmy’s an optimist. He looks at the half-full cup. He doesn’t consider Martyn could be lying because he wanted so badly to just be Seen. So Jimmy gives it back

As it turns out, Martyn was lying. He calls him an idiot, and Jimmy is exiled immediately

All the resolve that Jimmy had in stealing the life crumbles then and there. He starts hanging around the Southlands alliance like a lost puppy, basically begging them to take him back. Martyn’s little ruse inadvertently showed Jimmy that, really, all he wanted is to be valued and supported. The life counts stops being an issue because he’s able to recognize the real issue- he feels undervalued and he feels stupid

That’s a factor even after the Southlands reunites, after he’s almost unanimously voted back in but Grian’s insistent on a recount. I think it’s the main reason why he’s so risky when he goes down to red- with him falling for a trap that he easily could have avoided

Again, it’s the same as 3L. He feels disrespected and undervalued so he takes unnecessary risks in order to prove to himself and to others that he’s just as strong, just as smart, and just as capable as they are.

This is later coupled with Mumbo’s extreme bloodlust when he turns Red. On Red, Mumbo was needlessly violent and is basically the only Red to swing at anything that moved. And I do mean Needlessly violent, he got himself and others into several dicey scenarios because he was impulsive and wanted to Stab. He gave the server a reason to be cautious of Mumbo and any other Red-Name. If Mumbo was a loose cannon, how would others be?

Except Mumbo was only aggressive towards Non-Reds (obviously) and was otherwise supportive of those on his side

I think this actually greatly influenced Skizz’s decision to leave BEST behind, with him seeing Mumbo as someone worth defending/standing by. Not only was he a visibly strong ally with a reputation, he genuinely cared for and supported those who were at his side. In Skizz’s case, he offered a source of stability where BEST couldn’t, and I think the same is true for Jimmy.

Jimmy sees this, and sees Mumbo as someone who can both show him how to be dangerous and respect his abilities in this game. Mumbo was respected as a threat and genuinely cared for those in his company. So he’s the perfect ally, right?

Actually, no, and this isn’t where the Skizz comparison ends either. Remember, Mumbo created the reputation that Reds are a worthy threat and that they’re violent without cause (“oh but what about Joel?” Joel was a joke at best and an annoyance at worst. He I think he definitely did influence Mumbo’s actions but that’s another essay entirely). Mumbo influenced Skizz’s aggression this season, with him becoming more bold in who he threatened or even attacked

So how does this compare to Jimmy? Both of them were coming off of alliances where they were unsupported, so they leaned more into Mumbo’s habits- good and bad. Except they didn’t really see it. Good traits were associated with Mumbo, their friend, and bad traits were associated with their shared condition, their Red-Life.

The plan to trap the bunker played on both, but was coupled with Jimmy’s bad habit of shooting for the best possible outcome. Mumbo had previously turned tail and ran whenever a plan went south, but that’s not how Jimmy is. Jimmy only focuses on the possible gain and ignores possible dangers. When the trap didn’t set off, he insisted on pushing Grian into it. And that actually goes back to him trying to chase Ren’s army- he didn’t know when to call it quits

And of course this causes both of their deaths. To Jimmy, his death caused Mumbo’s. He caused the death of the one ally who actually stood by him. I think this is when he fully internalizes criticism from 3L and LL as a whole. He feels weak, he feels stupid, he doesn’t feel nearly as capable as those around him.

And this carries into DL

Except DL was a much different season than the previous two. The soulmate mechanic in DL meant that you and your ally have to rely on each other, you have to support each other because failing to do so will surely spell your doom

Not only that, but Jimmy was finally paired with a supportive ally from the start. They made their base together because they trusted the other to build more than they trusted themself. When Jimmy came back with cows, Tango’s immediate response was to exclaim “you’re amazing!!!” Instead of criticizing him like previous alliances had- even back in 3L!! This is the first time Jimmy got a fully positive response to his efforts. Tango was overwhelmingly supportive towards Jimmy and Jimmy returned the favor. The base didn’t look perfect, but it was theirs. The server didn’t want them to have a horn so they devised a plan to get one.

Tango had also been following a similar arc up until now- with him being undervalued by his alliances. Except in those alliances, he was pushed to the side or physically harmed instead of being an object of ridicule. I think this is part of why it isn’t really out of place for them to meet through dying. Tango was expecting to be harmed and so was Jimmy, so neither of them blame the other

With Tango being pushed to the side, he also shied away from leadership positions, finding it more comfortable to follow. This paired well with how Jimmy typically takes charge of things, with Jimmy making most plans for the both of them (most, not all)

But again, this is where things get messy

Remember, Jimmy uses risks to prove his worth. He wants to see what he can do, but is also still recovering from previous seasons. He still thinks he’s the reason why him and Mumbo died, and doesn’t want to cause the death another ally, especially one who loves him. Instead of staying careful, he devises a plan to steal livestock, to steal Scar’s horse. It’s for the ranch, it’s for Tango

I think Jimmy realizes the problem when the Ranch is burned. He’s forced to confront this when he sees Tango fly into a rage and almost try to fight a group of people he’d surely lose to. Jimmy cannot be reckless here, he has to talk Tango down from the proverbial ledge.

With this, the roles end up reversing, with Tango being the reckless one and Jimmy trying to steer him to be more tactical. And Jimmy is So careful about this too, not wanting to act like Scott or the Southlands. Because of that he never actually tells Tango no on his dangerous plans- ESPECIALLY the plan to release Rancher’s Revenge, the warden- but instead suggests ways to make the plan better

The dilemma here is that Jimmy needs to choose between being risky and being safe. Both would benefit Tango, except Jimmy knows from experience how much it hurts to be bound in bubble-wrap all the time

Jimmy sees no way to avoid risks without hurting Tango. So instead of fighting against that part of himself, Jimmy leans into it. He accepts it as a key tenet of his identity, even as it puts the both of them in harms way. Yes they went down in the end, but they went down together, Always Together.

It didn’t matter if Jimmy was a “worthy” ally, he didn’t need to be Smart, he didn’t need to be Strong, he didn’t even need to be Capable. He learned that he deserved love not in spite of his flaws, but alongside his flaws.

And this is the lesson he carries into the next two Seasons, with both alliances being fully centered on being reckless

The Bad Boys acted dangerously, but they acted as a unit- ESPECIALLY him and Joel. Bad Boys dig straight down, Bad Boys water bucket clutch from the build limit, Bad Boys care about each other not in spite of endangering themselves, but because of it

And this is because Joel had a nearly identical arc. Joel in previous seasons had a habit of acting recklessly in the same way Jimmy did, and was cast aside because of it. In 3L he ended up a Lone Wolf, in LL he was forced into a position where he’s the villain, and in DL he and Etho leaned into the danger in the same way Jimmy and Tango did. Their stories run parallel so it only makes sense that they’re the ones who end up supporting each other in LimL

And Joel was Jimmy’s main source of support that season, with Grian representing the criticism of previous seasons. This gave Jimmy the ability to confront said criticisms through, again, leaning into them. He did something stupid? Yes, but him and Joel were having fun. A plan went south because of unnecessary risks? Yes, but Joel was being risky with him. Joel gave Jimmy the ability to basically cut through the aforementioned “bubble wrap” Grian was trying to put around them

And I think it’s also important to mention Grian did this out of both love and cowardice, not malice. Ultimately he didn’t want to lose either of them and was trying to keep them alive longer. But because Grian never learned the lesson they did- that it’s more important to act together than to survive alone- Grian chooses survival and ends up alone.

Anyways, recklessness being the foundation of Jimmy’s alliances carries into SL as well

Jimmy was on the brink of death for almost the entire season, man was not thriving whatsoever and that was known. Funnily enough, he ends up with Martyn, who again was previously more concerned with his own safety than the people around him

But Martyn is just coming off of a victory, of finally achieving the very thing he’d been working towards and the thing he centered his motivations on. Without that goal, he’s left with his methods- which was mostly having dangerous ideas and seeing them through

With Jimmy, Martyn introduced plans that involved them being risky and in everyone else’s faces. This, to Jimmy, echoed both Joel and Tango’s behavior. He was able to fully settle into the fact that, for him, good things come from being reckless, from shooting for the best possible outcome and refusing to back down

Jimmy maintains his optimism and his recklessness, traits that had previously been challenged but traits he stubbornly holds onto and values in his Life

[k1ngpin42]

𝙰𝚛𝚝𝚑𝚞𝚛 𝙼𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚊𝚗 & 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚘𝚛𝚜 𝚍𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚎𝚛 (𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 ;)

Warnings: 18+, smut, oral (giving & receiving) s3x, fingering, handj0b, soft & rough Arthur, gentlemen Arthur, V!rgin reader 

Notes: I know you guys voted Sub Abby, ✌𝓢��𝓑 𝓐𝓑𝓑𝓨 ✌ WILL BE POSTED NEXT I had been working on this Red Dead project a while ago so I hope you don’t take it too negatively. Thanks for all the support I’ve had so far, it means a lot that people can enjoy my work (even if it’s mostly smut.)

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Notorious outlaw Arthur Morgan, who has been forced into a tight, high end tux in a crammed, high end place hates everything about this party Dutch made him attend. That is until he meets a fancy woman, (you) who isn’t as dull as he originally suspected. 

PLEASE NOTE: there’s no fluid 1850s language used so don’t be upset if there’s some modern slang or anything I’m just writing cause I’m bored. 

Some Y/N is mentioned, I try to avoid Y/N at all costs but there was no way around it this time, I’m sorry guys but it’s only a few times so dw.

The mission was practically a laughing matter- being that the guest of honour was a drug lord and that Arthur and the others were all outlaws who wouldn’t know which utensil to use at dinner to save their life, which glass to drink from or their name, how to feel normal in a suit, how to not steal every beautiful piece of decor they encountered and how to even speak with all these…well-read, well off folk. 

The mission itself seemed simple enough. Talk to the governor, make a good impression and snoop around. Having to give the doormen their weapons was just another reminder of how far out of his comfort zone he was. 

When the champagne was offered Arthur immediately took a glass, looking over the porch and subtly acknowledging Dutch beside him. Bronte greets them warmly and starts pointing out and mocking some of the party guests, including Mayor Henri Lemiux, Alberto Fussar, Hobart Crawley and his wife Brenda. Once the group seperate, Arthur makes his way to the main floor.

“Okay…” Arthur mumbled to himself, grimly. “Mingle…” He looks around the crowd. There are people dancing, talking, making out of course, He doesn’t know where to go first. That is until he hears you talking to some man.

“You…flatter me.” You tell him, clearly lying. “However I am…reserving my dance for another…” You say, quickly. Arthur turns to face you and see’s the most beautiful gown he’s ever seen. It’s a white corset that extends down into an ocean of subtle ruffles. The material looks stiff and the bottom has specks of gold. 

The man in question is overweight and if he was being honest, smelt rank. He felt sorry for you, whoever you were, he had suspected you were dragged to this thing too, fancy dress and all. 

“I don’t see him.” The man said, putting his arms around your hips. You carefully remove them and he grabs your arm tightly.

“Where you goin’ princess?” He says, and something in Arthur almost snaps, he wants to snap. He knows he can’t make a scene so he walks behind you, whispering in your ear. His warm breath and the unexpectedness of it all initially makes you flinch, but ANYONE would be better than this slag. You had seen him get handsy with almost every female employee here and on the streets you had heard him getting creepy with fucking children. Thankfully it hadn’t escalated, at least so far.

“You alright miss?” Arthur questions in your ear. You turn over to look at him. He’s tall and awful handsome, not like any men you had seen at the party so far. He had gorgeous eyes of Atlantic blue and his hair was…almost perfect. It looked like whatever product he used was far from his regular style as the parting was all over the place, but his jawline and minimal facial hair tied the look together. 

“Uh…here he is.” You said, stunned at your own words. He looks at you icily. “Uh….That’s not-“

“Who is that? I ain’t seen him before.” The man yells at you, completely ignoring Arthurs existence. Arthur sighs.

“I’m her…partner….tonight anyway.”  You nod. 

“Exactly, and I owe him a dance so if you don’t mind.”

“Fuck you, how would your daddy react to you dancing with some nameless stranger?” The man groans at you. You roll your eyes.

“Go hang.” You say, quietly, but Arthur still hears it and his eyes widen, impressed. 

“He gon’ hear about it from me just you wait”

“Looking forward to it.” You tell him, and the man goes off somewhere. You let out a groan, covering your eyes in embarrassment.

“I am so sorry Mr…?”

“Uh...that’s not important. And you’re welcome. Who was that?” He asks. You sigh. 

“Not important.” You grab his hands and start swirling around and his face flushes red.

“Miss I…ain’t much of a dancer.”

“Well it would be a damn waste not to dance after that little facade.” He looks at you, a little confused, but nods.

“What brings you here anyway?” You ask, his large hand on your waist, the other in your gloved palm. Arthur can’t help but smile, still taking in your figure. 

“My friends and I were invited by Bronte, he’s a guest here.”

“I see. So you’re here to make impressions?

“Or some such thing.” He replies, still blushing like an idiot. You talk for a little while, swaying to the music, talking about everything and nothing as if he’s the most trustworthy person out there.

“I hate going to these things.” You tell him, a little worried you had ruined the weirdly peaceful atmosphere the two of you had been experiencing. He nods, watching you intently while still trying to maintain rhythm.

“You look like a million bucks. I would have assumed you were made for these things.” He stumbles. 

His lack of fluidness when talking was weirdly attractive, it brought a sense of comfort which you rarely felt, especially with his accent. 

“In a way I was made for it…these parties are my life whether I like it or not.”

“I couldn’t imagine it.” Arthur blurts out, and you look up at him with curiosity. 

“I knew you weren’t a noble.” You say with a grin. He rolls his eyes playfully.

“Why? Do I smell like poor folk?” You laugh at his comment. 

“No, no the camp smell is…luxurious.” “I’ll have you know I bathed before I came here.” He replied defensively, causing you to laugh more. This banter went on until he spotted Lemieux.

“Excuse me.” He says, not even waiting for the dance to end before approaching your father. The mayor's butler, Pierre appears and tells Lemieux that he received a phone call from Leviticus Cornwall. Another man with greasy black hair overhears this and has Arthur follow Pierre to find out about it. 

Being as cautious as you can, you slip through and follow Arthur to see what he’s doing. You watch him follow Pierre into an office and enter it once Pierre leaves. Arthur starts trying to unlock the door when you come in.

“So you’re not just not a noble, you’re a thief.” You remark, causing him to spin his head around to face you.

“Miss…” He tries. You roll your eyes.

“Save it. What are you even looking for?”

“Look, this is all just a misunderstanding, I’m sure if you just let me go, we can both forget this ever happened, I’ll be on my way and you can go back to your life of parties.” He tries, lowering the document in his hand.

You walk over to him, leaning over his shoulder to see the document.

“Wow.” You say, unimpressed. He looks at you guiltily. 

“Look, I’m sorry miss, you seem real nice and I meant no disrespect by coming here and…acting all decent, I’m just doing what I’m told.” He tries, his voice sounding like a plead at this point. 

“Mmm, what Dutch Van Der Linde told you to do, right? He was that man with the excessive hair pomade and the…vests. I’ve heard about him.”

“What?? You know of me??” Arthur demanded. You put a soft, gloved hand to his mouth.

“Shhh, do you know how much trouble we would be in if we were discovered in here? I had suspected you were an outlaw but the only one I recognised was Dutch and Bronte.” Arthur isn’t paying attention to your words so much as he is the warm hand on his mouth. 

“Who are you?” He asks. You shake your head. 

“What are you going to do with the papers?”

“Look, it isn’t really business for a lady to-“ You glare at him and he fumbles his words again. 

“Not to say a lady can’t…my meaning is-“

“So a robbery?” You interrupt, unimpressed by his long winded explanation. He sighs.

“St Denis is a big city…it don’t need quite so many vaults in that bank they have secured up real nice.” He says. You roll your eyes,

“You can not be that foolish. Doing any sort of crime in St Denis is suicide unless you have a bullet proof escape plan and I’m sorry but I smelt your bullshit from a mile away.”

“You have quite the tongue for a lady.”

“And you are just…something else for a gentlemen.” You retort. 

All of a sudden you hear the jittering of keys at the door and you and Arthur exchange a look of panic.

“Oh Jesus.” Arthur mutters and you roll your eyes.

“Swearing isn’t helping, outlaw. Try that window.”

“I have a name-“

“Then say it.”

“It-“ He groans, wondering how the fuck he got into this situation and why he was involving himself with a random woman. A beautiful and intelligent one at that, one who definitely challenged him in a way he enjoyed, but also one who was getting in the fucking way.

“It’s Arthur…” He pauses, turning to look at you when he reaches the window. “Morgan.” He adds. 

The window won’t open and so you shove the document back into the draw and lean Arthur against the window, pressing your mouth against his aggressively. He was clearly shocked, and who wouldn’t be? But still, almost like an instinct, his lips parted and his tongue moved skillfully through your mouth. Henry Lemieux walks in an audibly gasps. 

“Y/N Lemieux what the hell are you doing?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry father I…let me explain.” Arthurs ears burn at this. Father??

“You listen here little girl, I have told you NEVER to go in here. What’s gotten into you? And on such a significant night with some stranger??”

“My rooms always guarded and I just wanted some privacy. Arthur and I have been seeing each other for some time but I knew I couldn’t take him here. I’m sorry I let you down this is just the only place I knew there wouldn’t be workers.”

He sighs. “I understand there are a lot of rules in this household that may make you…may make it feel like there’s not as much freedom as ideal but it’s to protect you! You need to be more careful with strangers.” He yells, walking over to Arthur.

“Mmm, Bronte invited you I take? I don’t know you otherwise and I know anyone who’s anyone, meaning there’s no way you’re good enough for my daughter. Did you try and take her honour? Is that it?”

“We were just talking, that was our first kiss father honest it was.” Arthur puts his hands up innocently, nodding at your comment. Henry lets out an annoyed gush of air..

“I want you both out of here, we will discuss your punishment later, my daughter.” You nod and drag him to your room, waving at the guards there to fuck off. They stare at you blankly.

“Men are not allowed I-“

“My father just allowed it, but if you don’t trust me, you can go bother him in his study, I’m sure he’d be thrilled.” You tell one of them, annoyed. He nods and the guards head downstairs. You close the door and Arthur is just looking at you, wide eyed. He turns to the door and you sigh.

“I’m…not allowed locks.” You explain. He doesn’t say anything. 

“So…” You say. He angrily paces around the room.

“What the fuck…what the fuck??” 

“Calm down Mr Morgan.” You say, unphased. He glares a you. 

“Calm down?? I did more than just fuck up. I exposed my whole fucking plan to the governors daughter just because she was a pretty face I- fuck, this was a bad plan.” Arthur mumbled to himself. You smile slightly.

“You think I’m pretty?”

“I got to go…” He says, reaching towards the door. You walk in front of it.

“Why?” You ask, plainly.

“What?”

“Why do you have to go?” You question, He walks closer to you, his eyes darting around the room nervously. 

“Well you’re just gonna tell your dad won’t ya?”

“Oh yeah cause I just lied for fun Mr Morgan that’s a real bright comment.”

“Well why else would you do it? You don’t know me.”

“You’re an outlaw. Slightly naive, perhaps, but you, hair pomade and whoever else is in your group, you do anything you can for family. Even utterly foolish things such as breaking into the governments office and robbing the most secure bank in this country. I’m not going to inform my father. I can respect what you were…trying but if you try that whole St Denis thing, you can rest assured you will be walking into your own damn funeral.”

“Well what else would you suggest then, miss?? In case you haven’t noticed, men like me don’t get good paying jobs, unless it’s for folk like you who would never hire us.”

“Trains, small stores, homesteads…” You pause. “boats.”

He raises an eyebrow. 

‘You’re encouraging I steal, my lady?” You practically snort at his comment.

“In essence. People ‘like me’ don’t REALLY need those gold emerald earrings or platinum laced watches. It’s less stealing than it is…balance.” You say, matter-of-factly. He can’t deny how impressed and surprised he is by you. A government daughter, gorgeous, smart, fancy as hell but most importantly you didn’t hate him, and that meant more to him than words could measure.

“The grand Korrigan holds high end poker games. It’s easier than you’d think to sneak on, I’ve done it myself, it’s in Lemoyne.”

“W- I’m sorry, you snuck on to the grand Kerrigan….in lemoyne?”

“I heard my father talk about it. I was bored.”

“Why would you help me? I mean isn’t it against your father in some way?”

“How I see it, you were going to do this anyway, I’m not helping at all, simply telling you where it is so that you don’t go kill yourself at the bank. If I were to…accompany you, then perhaps I wouldn’t feel inclined to tell my father you were in there to steal copies of the deed my father was going to sign.” 

“Okay woah, slow down my lady-“

“You really don’t have to call me that…”

“I really do. Now listen, there is no way we’re getting involved  with the governers daughter, I’m sorry that you get bored dressing up like a doll 3 times a day and having guards around you but that’s no excuse to go commit crimes…”

“I won’t be committing them, you will.”

“Still, I don’t want to be liable for you.”

“Wow…romantic.” You say, sarcastically. He sighs.

“That’s not what I mean it’s just….the answer is no.”

“I’ve snuck on before, I know heaps of ways to sneak in and out of this city as well several others. When you can’t leave town there’s nothing else to do but learn about everyone else’s business. I guarantee I could get you into anywhere. Plus I cn protect myself, I’ve been trained in combat since I was 14.”

“But why?” He asks. But he doesn’t need to. He knows the answer. He felt it when you guys first touched and again when you first kissed. He felt it now knowing you’ve seen through him and didn’t want to look away. You weren’t frightened or repulsed and neither one of you wanted to part each other. It was unexplainable. You barely knew each other. 

“I can’t keep letting my life slip away in this meaningless existence. I want adventure, love I don’t know…I know I’m stupid for think-“

“Don’t talk about yourself like that sweetheart” Arthur says, putting a hand on your face.

“We shouldn’t do this.” He says, dragging his thumb over your lip and making it part slightly. You nod.

“It would be reckless…we would be naive to think we won’t get caught.” You breathe out. He nods.

“We would probably…” Arthur paused, his accent thick in your ears. “get as far as the gate before everything goes sideways, not to mention the gang would never accept you.” You nod back.

“exactly.”

“Exactly.” He says, putting his other hand on your face and kissing you deeply.

———————————Smut——————————————

You can taste residue of the sweet, bubbly champagne he had drank only moments earlier mixed with the metallic taste of his being. Having someones tongue in your mouth and particularly a man who was anything but inexperienced was unusual to say the least, but a feeling you welcomed as he eagerly explored and savoured your taste now too. 

You walk back with your arms still wrapped around his neck, kissing him roughly. You flinch slightly when you bump into the end of your bed. You hesitate for a moment, looking into his pretty eyes again before internally making a decision and climbing onto your bed. He tilts his head, admiring you fondly. 

“Now Miss, I don’t think we should rush this, you’re a woman. To be…I don’t know…cared for or somethin’. Me? I’m a bad man.” Arthur hesitates. “A rough man.” He corrects.

“It’s okay Morgan, I’m not a little girl, I can handle it.” He walks away from the bed and paces for a while. You decide to reassure him with more than just words this time and remove your shoes, then you start working on the lace at the back of your dress. Arthur sighs, knowing he won’t be able to avoid all the things he’ll do to you. He’s a good man, somewhere in there. When it comes to women he was more decent than most at least.

“Let me help you with that.” He says, grabbing you by the hips and pulling you so your back is right against the front of his body. He removes it and starts working at your undergarments. 

“Do you want to stop?” He asks. You shake your head.

“No?” You say, more surprised at how gentle he’s being with you than anything else. He chuckles softly.

“Just making sure.” He coos before effortlessly removing your undergarments as well. 

He flips you around and pushes you so you’re lying spread across the bed. He climbs over you, positioning himself so his knee is between your legs. You feel nervous with your body exposed to him like this. He starts tracing your body with his finger tips.

“You’re god damn gorgeous.” He remarks, cupping one of your warm breasts which you were embarrassed at how quickly the nipple on it hardened under his touch. He lays soft kisses all over your chest, sucking near your bellybutton which got an excited gasp from you in response. He continues drawing lines across your body with the two middle fingers of his right hand but stops when he reaches your lower area. 

“You ever done anything like this before?” He asks, kissing your waistline. You consider lying. “Of course…” You could say, but he’d see right through it. You just didn’t want him to back up and leave because he didn’t want to harm your image. Too fucking gentlemanly to taint a womans reputation, but murder and crime? Now that’s alright.

“Well?” He questions again. You blush, shaking your head.

“No, I guess not.” You admit. You can see this troubles him, but he knows you don’t want to stop, he can tell you’re yearning for it, yearning for him more specifically.

“You know how it all works?” He asks, lowering himself to your thighs and kissing inside. You nod.

“Yeah, yeah I think so.” You reply, your eyes fluttering at the varying sensations your body was experiencing. He nods.

“Sit on my lap, I’m gonna put my fingers in okay?” You do as he says, sitting on his fancy black pants and adjusting yourself so that he’s comfortable. He lets out a light groan.

“God, sorry did I hurt you Mr Morgan?” He chuckles slightly.

“Quite the opposite, stay still I need to be able to control myself.” He instructs, and you feel yourself pooling at his words. 

“Do you have water in this room?” He asks, and you look at him confused. 

“Uh, yeah, by my nightstand theres a jug, I get thirsty sometimes at night.” 

“Be right back.” He says, placing you back on the bed and taking the jug, pouring some water onto his fingers.

“If you’re uh…sort of….tight inside, it feels better with wet fingers.” He explains. You can’t help but laugh.

“You’re not the smoothest man out there Mr Morgan.” You tease. He laughs back.

“Pretty girls have that effect on me.” He delicately guides his two middle fingers between your folds and your pussy literally glistens. You’ve never felt wet for another person before and especially not to this extent. 

“Breathe in.” He says as he guides two fingers inside you and you let out a sharp breath. He immediately removes his fingers.

“Too much, my lady?” You shake your head.

“No, no I can take it.” You affirm and he rolls his eyes playfully. 

“Sweetheart, I can tell the difference between a painful gasp and a moan. You’re still tight so I’m going to use my tongue to help you relax.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just think of it like a kiss.” He says before putting his tongue inside you. You let out the loudest moan you’ve ever heard yourself make and you put your fist in your mouth, embarrassed.

“Oh my god…” You whisper as he quickens his movements. Then, his nose is bumping up against your clit, his tongue still working other areas.

“Fuck~” You moan. You can guess all your manners and lessons in how to be dignified had gone down the drain. 

A man you had met only today, an outlaw no less who was only at the party to steal from your father was giving you pleasure you could never give yourself. It was….interesting.

“Fuck…Fuck Arthur don’t go so fast I’ll…it’s too much…” But Arthurs so fucking into it, tasting you, savouring every orgasmic noise you make for the first time, only for his ears to enjoy. He doesn’t slow down and it’s not long before your pussy pulses in his mouth, your thighs shaking like a damn leaf. 

“He gets back up and puts you on his lap again, putting his fingers in your slick.

“Wow, that’s quite a lot sweetheart.”

“I’ve never….well not like that before.” You explain. He nods, putting his fingers inside your significantly looser hole, doing small beckoning motions inside of you. You start breathing heavy again as he pumps his fingers in and out. You cling onto his jacket, already feeling your stomach swell in waves of pleasure. When you release again, he just flashes you a satisfied look.

“I’m gonna take my pants off. You can rub yourself on my thigh first, gotta get you ready for my cock.”  You’re flushing red and just let out a small sound of understanding. When you see his half-hard cock in his underwear, though, you are so consumed with lust you can’t think of anything else but touching it.

“Go on get on my thigh.” Arthur tells you with a comforting smile. He notices your hesitant expression.

“What is it?” 

“I want to touch you.” You blurt out. He smirks.

“Really?” He asks. You nod. 

“Please.” Arthur gets off better through pleasuring others, but you’re so beautifully eager that he doesn’t think twice.

“Here.” He says, taking off the glove on your right hand and guiding it into his (boxers? Whatever tf they had back then) It was warm and felt very strange in a way you weren’t sure you liked, however feeling it grow in the palm of your hand was satisfying. You pulled the pants further down, taking out his cock. It was pretty well groomed and a lot cleaner than you had anticipated. It was also big. You knew it would be, he was practically a cowboy and you definitely knew what they said about cowboys.

He grabbed your hand and gripped it sternly over his shaft.

“Move your thumb over the tip…” He moves your fingers, rubbing himself with them.

“Like this. Then with your hand, apply press- mm” He lets out a low groan.

“And move up and down like this.” You nod, smiling a little awkwardly as you go up and down as fast as you can. Arthur rolls his head back.

“Damn….thats the way sweetheart fuck~” Arthur babbled. You smile, liking the effect you had on him.You continued at that pace and pressure for a while until his moans had progressed into hot fucking whimpers. He smirks at you knowingly. 

“This turn you on gorgeous?” You don’t reply with words, just a simple nod. He hums in response. 

“Show me how much.”

You remove your hand from his cock and reach down to your cunt, getting a thick layer of your slick from your fingers and showing him, clearly still embarrassed.He acknowledges this with a fond look of satisfaction. 

“Coat my cock with it.” He instructs, and your eyes widen at his bluntness. 

“I-“ You stop yourself, deciding your words were of little value in a situation like this. You do as he says, applying a thing layer of your spent and moving even faster. He moans at the sensation and warm precum floods your hands. You look up at him nervously.

“Wait…did you?” 

“No sweetheart, you gotta do more than that.”

“Then why? What is…” you say, your fingers fidgeting with the liquid on your hands. He chuckles, fuck his laugh is attractive, too. 

“It happens a little before. When it feels good, it means I’m close just keep going sweetheart. Keep your eyes on me.” You nod and go faster, feeling his precum dripping over your fingers.

He lets out a low groan combined with a slightly high pitched, breathy whimper. If your ears could cum, they would have just then. You watch with admiration as his head leans back, his glowing face looking all that much sexier when he wasn’t consumed in a mission.

“Mmmph…so good sweeth- oh fuck…” He lets out. You keep your eyes on him even as his cock pulses inside your hand, warmth completely coated your significantly smaller hand. You finally look back down at it.

“What does…what would it taste like?” You question, not even sure why the question crossed your mind. He laughs.

“Now how would I know that my lady?” He asks, still breathing heavily. You roll your eyes at yourself.

“Right.” You exclaim, feeling stupid. He puts a hand on your cheek.

“You did real good…” He says, but you’re still preoccupied in your own thoughts. 

You should have asked first, probably, and in truth you’re not sure why you didn’t, but you put him in your mouth, tasting the salty, metallic flavour of him and evaluating the texture. He lets out a shocked gasp.

“H…holy….don’t- wh…” Is all he can manage, his dick practically swelling in your mouth. You stop and look up at him, swallowing what was in your mouth.

“Sorry…did you not like it?”

“Well I….of course I did- do- of course I do but…you need to give it time, it’s sensitive after releasing all that.” He explains. Your smile widens.

“It sounded like you like it.”

“I do b-“ You put him in your mouth again and this time he grabs your head and instinctively pushes it down, furthering himself in your mouth. 

You’re stunned by his actions and also weirdly turned on, it’s not too much for you to handle and the new roughness he could give and is obviously keeping from you was starting to show. You continue and feel him rock hard again, not even able to speak and replacing his words with small whimpers and sighs. 

“Hey um…stop st-“ He lets out. You do as he says, scared you did something wrong.

“Are you a virgin?” He speaks softly once he finally got his words back. You look a little upset now.

“That bad, huh?”

“What? It was incredible I’ve never felt that good in my life it’s just. If you’re willing we could…uh”

“Oh.” You say, your cheeks lighting up.

“I know you said you haven’t done anything like this.” He adds. “You probably want to save yourself for your husband.”

‘What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. George Pettie said that.” 

“Who?” 

“He’s an author, he- nevermind.” You say, taking off his coat and unbuttoning his shirt. 

“I’m not a good person, you don’t want your first to be with some random outlaw you met at a party do you?” He questions as the last of his clothes are removes and you see his glistening body, gentle lines of hair across the center. You shrug.

“It’s better this way, better to have experience, you know?” He rolls his eyes playfully. 

“So you went for me. Wow, a man thinks he’s special…” He teases, grabbing you by your hips and pulling you onto his lap. You gasp at the feeling of your bare bodies touching like this, his warm thighs under your wet pussy, it was something you never knew you were craving. 

“I’m gonna get you used to the rocking motion…uh.” He starts, taking you by the hips again and moves you slowly up his thigh. He moves you back down and you gasp at the sensation, your clit already fucking throbbing for him. Arthur smirks happily and moves you back again, this time with your help as you thrust your hips onto him. You let out a loud moan. He smiles widely. 

“Mmm…good girl.” He murmurs as you start pleasuring yourself on his thigh. You look away nervously but keep moving up and down.

“I feel bad.” You say, simply. “You can’t feel anything when I do this.” He kisses you deeply and fuck do you love the feeling of his tongue dancing with yours. 

“I love it like this.” Arthur admits, and you can tell by the look on his face that he’s genuine.  Your pleasure is everything to him, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t give it to you. 

You keep going for a while, letting a chorus of gasps and moans escape your lips in a song of desperation. You’re close again, your eyes shutting involuntarily as you grip onto his hair. 

“So good…” You exclaim, thrusting harshly. He kisses you even longer this time. 

“Real good, girl.” He coos. 

You look down and Arthur looks almost painfully hard at all this commotion. You look at him nervously. He smiles comfortingly at you. 

“Lie down.” He tells you, and you do as he says, carefully getting off his lap and lying down on the bed beside him. 

“Good, now take deep breaths, it might hurt a little at first okay?” Your wetness pools between your thighs. He’s so fucking caring, at least in this situation, and fuck…he talks you through it. You know he’s experienced and yet he’s treating every sensation like its a first for both of you 

“Sweetheart?” He asks, softly, bringing you out of your head long enough to enjoy the experience. You blush.

“Yea- Yes.” You say, and he towers over you, sucking at the soft skin of your neck and urging a breathy moan in response. 

“Don’t…mess around Arthur- just do it already.” He raises an eyebrow at this.

“Eager, aren’t you miss? Do you want me bad?” You roll your eyes, only somewhat playfully. 

“Just do it.” You repeat. He didn’t really need to be told twice, because he was already lining himself up with your small, dripping cunt. You gasp and he lets out a deep groan when he first enters you. It stings slightly, after all he’s fucking large, but the pain of it all mixed with the pleasure you know he can give you only enhances the situation. 

Arthur watches you from above, noting every noise you make as a result of the things he does to you. He particularly notices the way he forces himself inside you, the way you take every inch of him so fucking well, especially when there’s so much of him to take. It feels fucking phenomenal for him too, the heat of it, the stickiness from all his prior manipulation, it takes everything inside him to not thrust in and out as hard and fast as he wants to, using you as a fucking toy. You would be so perfect for that if that’s what you were into, or if you were any of Arthurs usual sexual partners- troubled women usually, who just want their brains to be fucked out by an outlaw. You were different though. Eager, maybe, but a dignified and intelligent woman who was sleeping with him because she knew it was what she wanted and not because she was troubled or unsatisfied by other men. 

You could see that lustful look in his eye as he cautiously went in and out and you reach up to put a hand on his face. 

“I can handle it Morgan. Go as fast as you want.” It’s like you could hear his thoughts. Arthur always had been transparent. He shakes his head.

“I’m not going to use…” He lets out a groan. “You.” He adds. You give him the most seductive look you know how to make.

“Use me.” You say, and his eyes darken at your comment. You grabs your legs and pins them above your head, forcing his entire cock inside you with some force, making you moan so loud you practically scream. 

“Am I hurting y-“

“Enough with that, Morgan. “If you’re as bad of a man as you claim, you’ll treat me however you want to treat me.”

“I want to treat you well…” Arthur tries, unconvincingly. You give him a comforting look.

“Go on, Morgan.” You affirm again, and he nods, changing his attitude. 

“You gonna take it like a fucking good girl?” He questions and holy fuck, this is turning you on significantly more, which is also more or less a concern, you can cross that bridge if and when it comes to it though. 

“Fuck…yes Morg-“

“Don’t fucking call me that. What’s my name?”

“A…Arthur.” You cry out as he moves so fucking fast, so fucking effortlessly.  He smiles.

“Good girl.” He continues on until your words aren’t even audible to him.

“Look at you.” Arthur rambles, putting a hand on your throat, still holding your other leg. 

“So fucking full with my cock, I didn’t think you’d like it like this, guess I was- oh fuck~ mistaken.” You don’t say anything, you couldn’t even if you wanted to, but you felt yourself nearing yet another orgasm. 

“I’m gonna have to pull….ah~ out soon.” Arthur warns, not slowing down or easing back even slightly. Your eyes are still shut tight, so fucking close yourself. And then you experience it, your stomach swirling in ethereal waves as your own slick pours down his cock and your pussy. He pulls out, spinning his body away and letting the warm white liquid spill onto himself. 

When you finally open your eyes, you notice him wiping himself down with a nearby washcloth. He wipes your thighs down too and pulls you in so you’re lying down besides each other. 

“Well I think we got what we needed from this party.” He says, letting out a soft laugh. You nod.

“Thank god the guards didn’t hear all that.”

“Ah yes, what would daddy’s guards think?” You hit him playfully. 

“Let’s go.” You say and he nods, getting up and grabbing his clothes from the ground.

“So now you’re authoritative.” He mutters to himself. 

[papayadays]

my take on the drama

dw i’ll bullet point to make it seem like i’m not yapping (i def am)

lemme make this clear, i’m an american girl (not white btw) and am super against trump (the orange man as my friends call him). this is in no way justification against any of his things, and i in fact believe he should get jail time. i’m far from a trump supporter, so don’t twist my words

first of all, this has been blown out of proportion, lando didn’t praise all of trumps work and actions, he just said it was an honor and that trump was respected or whatever

also, it’s not like lando is the next maga supporter. he’s someone who stood by the issues called out: racism, mental health, and gender equality. he’s not an extremist or supremacist or anything

and let’s not forget that trump being here isn’t even in his hands. it was mclaren’s fault because zak brown gives off maga vibes. personally, they shouldn’t let politicians onto track, especially not candidates.

lando was def told by higher ups to be respectful and welcoming to trump, and he was also was on the high of his first race win. i mean, surely you must know the feeling of being on top of the world and having your mind a little cloudy.

mclaren have quite a few american sponsors, and in miami, a freaking culmination of the maga campaign would be a poor place to show even the slightest bit of negative emotions at trump

believe me, riots get crazy, and trump fans are wild.

while y’all are trying to point out all the bits and things to try and prove lando is problematic, maybe focus on things that are already proven problematic, like christian horner, piquets, and the whole women in f1 thing. this is miniscule in relativity.

so many people in f1 would be “problematic” by these standards (lawrence stroll was on epstein’s list, for an example)

and i agree this is an issue, and that lando’s words were not the best, but i don’t think he can really be to blame, especially for being put in a position where he can’t say his true thoughts and the fact that politics came into it at all

anyways, feel free to chat about it normally with me. i’m not interested in flamewarring with y’all

[lovebvni]

Shifting tips plz?

hey hon!! i’m going to be honest, i’ve been avoiding answering this because i feel like this is a three part thing. before shifting, during shifting, and after an attempt. so im gonna try to answer it like that.

!! long blog ahead !!

pre-shift

• before a shift, it’s good to meditate. get your mind, soul and intention on one thing, making an attempt.

• set an intention/affirm! for a few minutes, just say “i am going to shift.” “i have shifted.” “i will shift this attempt.” “i always succeed when i shift” or things like that. get it deep into your mind, into your bones! let the universe hear it!!

• do something to tire you out PHYSICALLY! this is some advice i haven’t seen before, but has helped me. if your physical body is tired, it’s easier for it to fall asleep so it can recover. but, after exercising, your mind and subconscious wasn’t doing much, so it still has energy to spare!

• hype yourself up! another thing i don’t see much, making yourself excited to shift. if you’re pumped with adrenaline, and then you’re about to do that action to get where you’re going (example, you got ready for a party and you’re getting ready to go in your car) you’re going to be like going CRAZY mentally and this will help u so much!!

• reflect! yeah, this is similar to affirming, in the way you’re reminding yourself of what you did and what you can do. remind yourself of that he attempts you made in the past, the symptoms you got, the times you temporarily shifted (or minishifted if u call it that) remind yourself of your power, your abilities!!

• read your script to where you’re shifting! if you have a script, of course, i know some people mentally script or don’t script much, but look over it if you have one. change little things, remind yourself what you look, the colour of your eyelashes compared to your eyebrows. random things like that.

• visualize it. “thoughts become things. if you see it in your mind, you will hold it in your hand” — bob proctor. this isn’t limiting yourself to visualizing, hell, you can SAY you’re doing it. like i sometimes tell myself “i’m going to shower” or “i’m going to make a blog today” then i do it. i saw it in my mind, i spoke it, now i hold it in my hand. and there’s proof! witnesses, bro! sometimes, all you gotta do is think it and believe those thoughts are real.

during a shift

keep focus! or as my pastor once said, keep watch! watch your thoughts, watch your mind. if it starts drifting away from the method and you start thinking you want a sandwich ( *cough cough* me and @shiftingwithhale *cough cough* ) then refocus and redirect your thoughts. “i accept this thought, i will now move back to shifting.” then focus on shifting again. your mind WILL wonder, and that’s not a bad thing! you are human as much as you are god! you will make mistakes! but that doesn’t mean you keep making those mistakes. yall, i accidently stole once and i CRIED MY FUCKING EYES OUTTT!! before returning it. i was so upset i accidentally stole, and i went back in that store CRYING when I gave it back.( i was like 4 btw. i was so scared, it was cold n i wanted to ask my mom for smth but i forgot when i was holding her hand 💀)

listen to a sub/theta waves/a guided method! just something! it helps the brain focus and calms the crazy side. this is obvs if u have the ability to. for example, i know someone who can’t have their phone after a certain time + their parents make sure to take it before and check on them. they aren’t into shifting, it just makes it extremely difficult to talk to them after a certain time 🙄🙄 if u can’t do this, dw!! listen to a sub before going to bed/while doing hw :)

when intrusive/negative thoughts come — “why am i doing this?” “this is stupid.” “i what if i mess this all up bc i gotta sneeze” WHO TF CARES!! LITERALLY MOVE. TELL THEM TO SHUT UP. TELL THEM U WRE BETTER! OR EVEN TAKE A BREAK BRO! the break can literally b a few minutes js to regroup. sit up so you won’t fall asleep, open your eyes, count your fingers and toes (LMAO?? this is specific to someone) and tell yourself “i can do this because i’ve done it. plus other people have done it, all over the world! if one can achieve, so can another.” i feel like it’s so powerful just to remind yourself that if other people can do it you can. if you wanted some new shoes but js got fired from your job n you don’t know what to do, then just wait for a moment. talk to ppl you know. get it done somehow, because eventually you’ll get those shoes, if not better ones!

just do it bro 💀💀 like actually. if you fall asleep after counting to 17 WHO CARES! an awake method can b an asleep method. your brain shutting off does not equal your subconscious shutting down. dude, it CANT DO THAT!! it’s always working, and it works better when your body is resting. keep that in mind.

after an attempt

CELEBRATE i don’t give a shit if you fully shifted or not. you did something. you committed to it. sure, i know it’s hard to keep high spirits, but celebrate the little things. isn’t thanksgiving coming up? be thankful that u found out abt shifting. be thankful you can do an asleep method n shift that way. don’t b mad u didn’t wake up in ur dr, be happy you woke up in a parallel reality and you’re even closer!

write down what worked and what didn’t! if something in your method frustrates or confuses you, change it or remove it. if you visualize in the middle of the method, and you don’t like it, drop it 🤷 do what helps YOU PERSONALLY! use this as a form of journaling. and also, take a deep breath and write out your frustrations w shifting. then write what you love about it. always balance the negative w positive <3

do a reality check! make sure you’re not in a dream. weather you shifted where u want to or not, it’s always good to get in the habit of doing reality checks. it may surprise u and allow u to lucid dream and then shift!!

be in the present! if you didn’t shift, fuck that! you’re here right now and that’s what you can control! sure, you didn’t shift in the PAST but you can in the PRESENT and the FUTURE! so focus on that. it helps with your hope and motivation <3

that’s all i have for u lovely! if i think of anything else, i will update this blog, bc i do rlly believe and hope it will help people <3 this is another blog that made me think, so thank you for that! :)

i love u honey!! i wish u the best on your shifting journey !!

[ironunderstands]

So, honestly I gotta to admit I kind of shipped TopJade, but then I stopped. Like, I'm even embarrassed that's I fan girl over the scene between the two of them... But after reading a few criticism, I decided to stop shipping them, since Jade manipulates Topaz. Like as the Yuri fan, I also enjoy some hetero pairings, but, in general, I decided to stop shipping at all, because of the fandom. Sorry, if it's sounded weird or negative

No there’s nothing wrong with how you worded this dw

Honestly I say fuck the fandom and ship what you wanna ship, so long as you acknowledge that the dynamic between the two of them is toxic, I don’t think there’s any problem w enjoying TopaJade, they aren’t real anyways and at least personally I find their dynamic to be incredibly interesting BECAUSE it isn’t healthy

maybe stay off TikTok bc ppl on there can’t handle complicated relationships + honestly I don’t think proships should really be on there (TopaJade is a comship but it’s been argued otherwise and tbh its annoying start fights w ppl so probably not worth ur time anyways) even if they are tagged correctly bc TikTok has a rather young audience

either way if you came to the conclusion that you don’t like it naturally, all the power to you, but I don’t think others shaming you into not liking something is a good thing for anyone

[persephone11110]

It’s Hurts Me So Much

Bradley Bradshaw x Reader

Warnings: low self esteem issues, negative self-talk, arguments,angst, fluff, hurt/comfort,finding,protective/fluffy bradley bradshaw, reader and bradley verbally hurt eachother, Bradley isn’t innocent, dw angel and bradley are till death do us part, mention of past abuse, mention of drink driving , Bradley’s a dick for a bit, happy endings tho

Summary: It was your fault, you knew one day Bradley would get tired of your insecurities. And that one day is now— at this point you couldn’t blame him. He’s been doing this for five years— you guessed today was his breaking point.

reader nickname is Angel

A/N : this is set after the uranium mission preferably after Hold Me Baby

- apart of FALLEN ANGEL Series

******

One thing for certain the fight ended the minute you flinched from Bradley’s touch.

******

It was textbook knowledge to know that every marriage isn’t perfect and any couple who said otherwise was just spewing bullshit. You knew that—your pretty sure Bradley knew that too but it didn’t stop your brain from forming insecure thoughts about your relationship.

Are you too clingy?

Were your insecurities too much for him to handle?

Was he tired of you?, “I won’t be surprised Y/n, Bradley can only love his broken angel for so long before he gives into urge and leaves you”.

The insecure part of your brain told you relentlessly.“How can he love someone so broken and useless like you?”.

“I don’t know”. He said again. “I don’t know Y/n”.

“I’m sorry Bradley, I just wanted to spend time with love of my life for a change!”. tears welled in your eyes. “You’ve been spending more time with the daggers than you have with me”.

“I’m tired Y/n!” he yelled back at you.“I’m so fucking tired of this Y/n”.

His fist clenched at his sides.“Please, please dont hit me” you quietly thought.

Your standing infront of him with tears in your eyes.

You couldn’t help but cry, why is he being so mean to you?

“I come home from training all day, taking orders all day long— and I have to come home to you.. to a woman who can’t think without a few insecurities taking over her daily life”. He barked at you.

How could he throw that in my face?

You shrink back. “Well I’m so sorry you married me—”. You were doing a piss job at keeping the tears from falling down your face— your pretty sure your ending this argument with mascara streaks.

“So am I Y/n” he interrupted. “It’s so sick and tiring listening to you talk about your insecurities every day”.

“Ok, Lieutenant Bradshaw you win this time, I keep forgetting you care more about your job than me”. Your voice cracking.“I guess our vows mean nothing to y-you right?”.

“Y/n!” Bradley moved towards you.

And out of reflex you step back with your hands infront of your face.

“Please don’t hit me Bradley” those words were meant to be kept inside your head— not outside your mouth, left lingering in the air.

Suddenly his anger is gone, fading away into the abyss the moment he realized he caused you distress.

“Angel I—”.

My actions triggered her flight or fight response.

“I’m sorry” you murmured.

“Y/n please talk to me, i’m so sorry”, Bradley sits down on the bed behind him- trying make himself less threatening.

“It’s okay Bradley— It’s fine, I’m fine” you attempt to sound confident in your answer even throwing on a fake smile to prove it.

He knew you to well. “What happened Angel?” Bradley holds his hand out— you take it with tears in your eyes.

Your still standing, he’s still on the bed.

He’s showing you he’s not a threat.

“No it isn’t Angel”. He starts and Bradley has to stop a river of tears from making his face wet. “If my parents were still alive they’d whoop my ass from here to bum fuck nowhere”.

His jaw clenches“I made a promise to you and I broke it”.

You breathe—taking a deep breathe.“I’m really fine Bradley”. You insisted— you really don’t walk down memory lane.

“Talk to me Y/n, I’m not going to bed until we resolve this—talk about this”.

Like I said he knows me to well. If we go bed like this I’ll spend the entire night awake thinking about how all of this is my fault.

Mister Know it all.

He’s not letting this go.

You step away from him— turning around facing the doorway. “I can’t look at him and say it”.

You don’t attempt to stop the tears this time.

“My ex used to hit me alot, whenever we got into arguments they would also end with me in the shower washing my blood off of me… I didn’t leave him until he got in trouble for drunk driving”.

You told him, confessing about about a part of your life that kept in the back of your head. You gave up on not crying.

“Y/n thats never happening again” Bradley swore to you, “C’mere”. he whispers to you.

“I know you wouldn’t”. Your still facing the doorway, unable to bring yourself to him.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you Angel” he grabs your hands, gently pulling you to him. “Me being tired of work is no excuse for the way I acted”.

“I forgive you Bradley” you look up at him with a small smile on your face. “But you have to clean up Orbit’s dog shit for a week”.

“Oh really?” he pouting at you with a sly smile present on his face.

“Really Mr. Bradshaw”. pinching his sides softly. “Pretty sure Orbit took a shit right next to your car”. you giggle at Bradley’s horrifed facial expression.

“Of course he did” Bradley huffed. “I love you Mrs. Bradshaw”. He reaches down giving you a firm kiss on the top of your head.

“I love you too Mr. Bradshaw, but you still have clean up dog shit”. you smiled— holding his hand in yours.

“Damn it, well I tried”.

[gatorbites-imagines]

hii! if this req is too complicated dw ab not doing it but if it’s not il req billy/stu (poly or not , any is okay !) with male!s/o who is autistic?

tysm!

Billy Loomis x Stu Macher x autistic male reader

Headcanons

The experiences with autism in this are based off my own, as its all I know. If something doesn’t fit your own that’s why, as the experience with being on the spectrum is different from person to person :)

-          Now personally I think Stu is on the spectrum, but maybe that’s just me projecting onto one of my comfort characters. But since everyone’s experience with autism is different, it might still take a bit of time for you all to understand each other’s limits and boundaries.

-          For example, Stu is a very physical and loud person, so if loud noises and sudden touch makes you uncomfortable, it would take a while for him. He might not realize until he’s wrapped around you, then he pulls back and apologizes.

-          If you don’t have access to the items you need to help you, like stimming toys, noise cancelling headphones and alike Stu most likely has some laying around.

-          Either that or He and Billy get you some. They would totally get you a pair of headphones with a Halloween or slasher design because they think it looks cool on you.

 -          If you struggle a lot with reading facial expressions, sarcasm and alike, that could pose somewhat of a challenge for Billy. As he doesn’t speak much of how he’s ever feeling and loves sarcasm.

-          If you are a person that struggles with speaking up about being uncomfortable or feeling stupid or similar because of your struggles, Stu ends up pointing it out because he notices you are uncomfortable.

-          It ends up with the three of you cuddled up at Billy’s place when his dad isn’t there, if you are up for all that touch, and talking it over. They make sure you don’t feel like a burden, since some people do feel like their needs being met are a burden after a life of struggling with allistic people telling them they are the problem.

-          The three of you set up a system of some sort, be it a chart, a color-coded system like hair ties or bracelets, or just telling them the moment you guys meet up how you’re feeling.

 -          Billy and Stu let no one insult or talk badly about you, not just about your autism but also just in general. They have definitely gotten into a couple of fights or threatened a couple of people because of it.

-          Stu always lets you borrow his jackets or hoodies if you need it to feel safe, where Billy is more the person to hold your hand or wrap his arm around you for some grounding.

-          They are both interested in your special interests and hyperfixations. Stu will start stimming along with you and talking a mile a minute with you about the subject, where Billy is more likely to lay back and ask some questions but listen with interest.

-          They love to see you stim, especially if you masked a lot in the past. They would have helped you feel more comfortable not having to mask, and Stu will also let himself be more open with not masking so you don’t feel alone.

 -          They can be a little much at times when its all three of you, just because they both have such strong personalities. They wont feel anything negative for you if you just need to be alone for a bit.

-          Though Stu will always need to kiss you and hug you when you return, Billy will want a kiss too but just wants to hold you for a bit.

-          It wouldn’t surprise me if they have targeted ableists as Ghostface. Not only if they insulted you or Stu but just ableists in general they hate them.

-          They love you very much and feel safe with you, so they hope you feel safe with them too.

[kadextra]

I’ve wanted to properly say my personal opinion on this in an actual post for a while, now’s a good time as any

I realized a few weeks ago that I do not feel capable of adding to the admingate conversation, especially in regards to abusive workplace treatment involving the unions & how various international laws play a role. It’s way out of my league.

like I admit with my full chest I came here to watch cubes and don’t know about all these complex topics, and I have no time I can give to researching all of them. that’s why I’ve personally taken a rather distanced stance. this is complex and emotionally heavy stuff that needs careful attention, I’m not able to speak about it well within my experience/knowledge as I’d like, so I don’t feel comfortable or that it’s my place in doing so

I do take a pretty wide outlook on the situation with the time and energy I can allocate to it. the things I’ve heard from admins involved say it’s not looking any better, while others in the project say it’s being improved in a good direction. It’s different opinions on every side- and that’s pretty usual for a situation like this with lots of people and moving parts. in the end we as the onlooker fans can’t know anything except what we’re shown.

In the same way, I think you guys are valid to your own opinions and interpretations, whether it be negative or optimistic, neutral or what be you. I am aware of how you all feel, and like. it’s your own blogs post however you want

The approach I’ve found myself taking here is “support the admins. hold tentative hope for the project to be handled in a proper manner.” thus I continue to primarily send my appreciation and gratitude to admins who have suffered greatly & unfairly, who have worked hard, and I continue watching how the server is being handled with the hope it can be improved in better conditions.

I think a day where the QSMP permanently shuts down burns dies in a fire and explodes + everyone I enjoy on it leaves would be the day I release my final hope for it and leave too. but I don’t think I’d leave qsmpblr forever, you’re all too awesome :3

I truly want to see it get better. In no other place would I get to watch people on opposite sides of the globe like YD and BBH who don’t know each others native language at all meet and become best friends. those two have given me joy recently :’)

so I will keep a close eye observing, waiting to see how it develops the coming months/year

Lastly, I’ll make something clear.

As I touched on earlier, chances are I’ve heard all about something even if I don’t post on it. If anyone expects replies from me talking about the workplace abuse, management privilege, international unions & laws, again I reiterate- I know I cannot give an educated reply on that and would end up poorly regurgitating all the same stuff we’ve already heard hundreds of times the past month which isn’t me helping anything. I truly wish I could somehow make things better for myself and everyone by doing that, but I can’t. and it won’t.

so like if you’ve sent asks, thank you. and I know. but topics like this in my inbox likely won’t get a response. dw it’s not on you guys ❤️

I hope any members of our community who may read this are doing well. I know it’s difficult to be in this odd, frustrating limbo situation and have a lot of complicated mixed feelings about whats going on with this media that means a lot to you. You felt what the beautiful highs of the QSMP are like, and now you’ve become aware of the lowest lows. I get it, it’s been hard

if you want to stick around with your streamer and see what happens next then sure you do that. if you need to take a step back, disengage from the content for a while or just leave entirely then sure you do that.

do whatever is right by you, take care of yourselves okay? hugs 🫂❤️