#dunno if you could tell lol
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maybe my mother was right
maybe ill never amount to anything and am just useless
maybe i should just die before i do any more harm to the people i care about
maybe that tiny part of me that wants to continue living is selfish
maybe its more selfish to want to die
maybe someone somewhere out there would feel sad for a bit before i fade from memory altogether
maybe i should just let myself fade from memory
maybe others lives might be easier if i wasnt in them
maybe i should put in one final effort
maybe theres not a better for me
maybe a better for the ones i care about doesnt have me there
maybe my mother was right
#im straight up not having a good time#dunno if you could tell lol#haha dead humor in the tags of a depression post#im so fuckin tired#legitimately its everyday with this kinda shit in my head#maybe if i can get some of it out itll go away?#<- hopeful thinking#it never goes away#its always just me and these thoughts alone#i really never thought that id live this long i never thought that id even make it to 18 but here i am almost 23 and still somehow going#ahaha sorry to put my depression on your dash it might happen again#im sorry#i was trying to put some humor in these but i dont have the energy to
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(not pictured: the rest of Rayashki with Vila)
this comment on my shitpost art compelled me to make this.
#vila#windsong#reverse 1999#is this ooc for them? i dunno. who cares 1.8 is three patches away#edit: THIS IS SOMEWHAT CANON IM FUCKING BAWLING#i think windsong is a little pathetic. like she is very driven and confident in herself and competent as a leyline researcher but at the#same time methinks she has the energy of a soggy wet lemming.#windsong always goes speechless every time any of the townsfolk tell her the study of leylines is fascinating and useful#that scene with the kids going out of their way to seek her out to make a sweet little awarding ceremony for her got her tearing up lol#well not really but you could hear her voice cracking while talking to them lmao#r1999 shitpost
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i choose to believe satan isnt that obsessed with cats and it is just played up for humor and instead just has a casual love for felines
however sometimes humor is more fun for headcanons
this halloween card does imply he has 0 ability to resist someone wearing cat ears. if hes ready to glomp his brother imagine how bad hed be with someone he has a crush on/loves
this would also make for an amazing emergancy argument ender. put on the cat ears for immediate shutting up
Well, anon. As it turns out, something very similar happened in Season 3 of the OG...
Now to be fair, they didn't do much damage as Solomon later points out that in the magical RPG they're in, Satan has 870,000 HP.
But that is taking place in Solomon's magical RPG world. So if MC put cat ears on in real life, I'm pretty sure Satan would have a similar blushing, exploding hearts reaction. And that would certainly put an instant end to any arguments.
I think in Nightbringer they have tried to explain his love of cats a little more. Tying it into the way in which he understands himself, you know? That it was MC who told him about cats and how to befriend them. That attempting to do so helped him feel something aside from anger.
So I think Satan's love for cats is genuine, but they definitely play it up to a certain extent in the name of humor.
And personally I find it pretty dang adorable. It's like he can't help it. He just wants to pet Levi's cute kitty ears. And I love Levi's concerned expression lol.
#of course you can certainly decide for yourself how obsessed he really is#but I think the implication is that cats help him stay calm?#I dunno but I can tell you my cat helps with my anxiety so#I kinda get that#but it could just be that he thinks they're cute lol#obey me#obey me nightbringer#obey me satan#anon asks#misc answers
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Since my computer has been so borked up, I've been spending more time offline and catching up with a bunch of Star Wars shows I'd always meant to watch with my dad. So we've now finished Obi-Wan, caught up with The Bad Batch in time for s3 next week and we've finally at long last, started Clone Wars! 🥳
I know a bunch about Clone Wars, of course, and have seen bits and pieces over the years, but never actually watched the show properly all of the way through. I'm really excited to get to know all of the clones I've heard so much about over all these years!
We're also going to watch the prequels again, at least Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith, once we're done with Clone Wars. Though Dad gave me this sorta "Wait, we're going to get to know the clones then see something horrible happen to them in the prequels????" look when I was talking about this, lol! Yeah, fun, right? 🤔😮😇
Something we also haven't seen yet but intended to is the Andor series, then we can watch Rogue One again and, um, see Cassian have a happily ever after with Jyn! Yeah, that's right. Happily Ever After. *fist thump* 😮😉
Wrecker as me, making my dad watch all of these Guaranteed Sad Star Wars Things™️
Um, you're welcome, Dad? 🤷♀️😂😉
#star wars#star wars prequels#star wars: the clone wars#star wars: the bad batch#star wars: andor#sorry dad#it's the price we pay to be star wars fans i dunno what else to tell you#lol#ageless aislynn#also my gracious it's a wonder crosshair didn't snap right at that very second with how wrecker is straight up smacking him in the face 😮😉#i totally wanted a lula plush but she sold out at disney before i could get her#maybe that was for the best lol#clone wars#the clone wars#the bad batch
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also uh im kind of not thinking about it much because its insane. but if everything goes right (and i mean a considerable amount of things that probably wont go as planned) but if they DO... i will have a major surgery in like two weeks
#vertical sleeve gastrectomy to be exact insert nerd emoji here#i might document a lot of whats going on with it and even take some videos honestly#not to share here other than some oversharing text posts about probably constipation LMAO#but like no one shares whats it like to be mentally ill and go thru vsg and like the process and not many people as young as me get it#feels weird calling myself young on the chronically 13 year old website#but anyone that does post about it posts for like a year and then falls off the face of the earth#genuinely there are so many youtubers that start talking about this stuff#then you find their channel three years deserted and its like man.#i sure hope this means you found better ways to spend your time#and like okay time to get sappy and corny as hell in the notes so go ahead and skip this part idk who even reads my notes hello#but basically everyones that gets this shit is like you gotta find your why#and most of them have kids or like a husband or plans to travel the world or do better at their job#and none of those things really apply to me#i kind of have the perfect storm for being fat#i dont do anything work wise that encourages any kind of movement#im chronically afraid of planes and i cant afford that shit anyways rn#also not very good at romance LOL and never want kids and my entire family is also fat barring my brother#thats not to absolve myself of any of the blame for this shit either like i know i put myself in this situation#i just think like wow my life is pretty much perfect for staying fat but i DONT WANT THAT#I want the highlight of my week to be more than eating takeout man#i want to live life instead of meal to meal to something better#idk what yet maybe jewelery piece to jewelery piece#i could do some serious kandi making while im down for the count#but i dunno man my therapist tells me that in order to feel like a person and not get tired of life i have to do people things and#participate in life yknow?#and its hard to do things like go to the gym talk to people explore fashion styles when i have this overloomingness of being fat#so i guess that could be my why? like i want to experience more of life#i want to be able to walk in a mall and look at all the stores. i want to walk in a mall period. cause it fucking hurts the way i am now#thats all to say the actual “why” that i have is Goddamn it i want to be able to jump from a swing#and not break my fucking ankles
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"i'm not disabled" followed immediately by "i've got bad knees and a bad back" is certainly something to read 🤨 you know it doesn't have to be cripling for it to count, right...? it's not normal to be in pain after 15 minutes of standing. ableds can stand for, like, an hour at a time before they need to sit.
i know! i appreciate the concern, but i uh. dunno lol. genuinely i don't know. but i included the afaik ("i'm not disabled afaik" was the original phrase, though i'm not like mad at you for excluding it or anything) because i'm well aware that it's a possibility. it's hard to explain but there's a lot of little things that don't add up to much but are like. noticeable. like i would prefer to do most things sitting, if i could, as a matter of comfort. it would be easier for me. and walking isn't as bad as just standing. i've never been great at taking care of my body, and this has only gotten worse with time. it's hard for me to know what i should read as necessity and what i should read as preference, and how much weight to put on said preferences. like you said, i know it doesn't need to be "if i don't sit down i'm going to collapse" or anything, but where to draw that line between Definitely A Medical Thing That Affects Me More Than Other People and.. not that, i'm not sure. i kinda just thought i was a persistently slightly tired and low energy person, but it doesn't seem bad enough to be chronic fatigue, so...? is it related to the half-diagnosed. idk it's complicated depression (and yes in hindsight i probably should've counted that as disabling but whatever)? idk it's not a rabbit hole i've explored much at all is my point. but i know it's there and uh i guess this was sort of validating in a way anon so.. yeah? yeah👍
#also in reference to the pain after 15 mins of standing thing it's.. usually closer to discomfort than pain? but it's not Not pain either#it's often more like 'oh i should sit down. i wanna sit down. i should sit down' and it's not that frequent but it's like a status effect#and the frequent reminders are only after like 20-30 minutes#sometimes i don't even notice it and sometimes (if i'm bored lol) i'll notice it a Lot#this is not helped by my body being.. iffy at telling me what's going on. it's always too much or too little input with this guy#ahh that rascal. anyway#listen anon 1) uh sorry for going off like this idk if that's like. socially appropriate or whatever but i'm doing it anyway 2) if you've#got ideas i'm all ears. like off the top of your head not like. im not asking you to do research for an internet stranger ok#plus it feels weird saying i could be disabled when i have no idea what it would even be. i mean i think i'd believe someone else if they#said that but it's a classic rules for me and not for thee situation. still working on that#point is i got brain gunk for sure i just don't know how much of the body gunk is because of the brain gunk or smth else#like the possibly-probably autism definitely affects me physically i just don't know exactly what to do with that information#like. am i exhausted bc i'm overstimulated? is it the burn out? or is that a separate thing? or are they working together? etc#anyway yeah got caught vagueposting about my symptoms here's the deep dive no one wanted. for self indulgence purposes :v#no but i think about it a lot with posts like this bc i mean. would an able bodied person react THAT strongly to finding out shower stools#exist? probably not. but who knows for certain#....coming to the conclusion of. probably. maybe. but in what ways specifically? uh. i dunno. i just got them heavy limbs#might be a thyroid issue now that im looking into it. but again this is Not my area of expertise
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It’s me, Stanley, I’m the Bucket, speaking to you inside your brain, listen to me, Stanley, leave your wife, we don’t need her! Come with me and play my games, you need me, Stanley, your free will is an illusio- (Patreon)
He’s just jealous
Tell me this isn’t exactly the PS5 meme tho
#Doodles#The Stanley Parable#TSP#Questionably SFW#Sorry lol#We can be honest this is an open space - both Stanley and the Narrator were Uncomfortably Interested in the Bucket#But can your PS5 do this#I finally get this meme it's the Bucket's meme I understand now#Or the alternate version where it tells him to leave the Narrator instead lol#Both are applicable!#I think it fits slightly better with Mannequin Wife since y'know - she doesn't have any opions that she expresses on the Bucket#And we already know what Narra thinks of it lol#Honestly I just think Stanley's attractions to Weird Individuals - a mannequin - a bucket - an omnipresent disembodied voice#You can't even call him an objectophile! The Narrator is very much a full person - as much as Stanley is anyway!#I dunno just don't read too deeply into it - it loops back on itself in from multiple directions and that's by design lol#I'm just here for the silliness#Not me going to the different endings with the Mannequin Wife just to take screenshots to study from lol#Oh Stanley - the Narrator was just taunting you#He makes the best of a bad situation haha#And then the Bucket - sorry again lol - it's just - what else could that ending have possibly been hinting at#The only thing it needed was rose petals! Pffft#Anyway
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truly 2 trans 2 furious is also extremely like [billionsposting as people never meant to be here yet having the symposium while not necessarily having a good time but we can also analyze &/or simply play around with it in other ways with an easy ability to deconstruct things enough for that & perhaps have a good time, perhaps have something way more complicated than that but which could also be called having a good time] like including in its having the "there's a nonbinary f&f character" entry in there at all through kompensoing & monitoring billions since & drawing funny little guys about it (winston, e.g., and taylor) and then also that like, Any & Every Entry in 2 trans 2 furious is of that genre of crucial tour de force visionary symposium understander posts that get 2 notes. and then compiling that is like yes of course this wins an award, a surprise but also not really at all.
#besides fast & furious crossroads besides what i've learned from 2t2f that's my one other thing to say abt f&f. segue into fury road talk#but like for real this is a project of people's Very Specific Posts w/Three Notes that are transcendent & crucial & thee ultimate etc#cam stone entry pretty straightforward like Did You Know This?? (Telling You About It in one page more would be too much)#in an apt & compelling kind of Contrast ofc if it was like ''send a Perspective on winston / billions :)'' dunno i could like whew#but i Can do a one page half illustration 101 Intro To Cam Stone's Existence Yayy#and we can thank [it's years back it's some nyc theatre it's akd cast as lucifer] like now it's billions time now it's f&f crossroads time#wait'll will gets cast in sm shit....stemming from also casting around those times? black suits may have been relevant#looking at you [evan hansen] i sleep [chris thurser] oh shit fr?#& anyways then speaking of roads crossing. taylor & winston despite it all. well what if some connoisseurs tripped & fell over this#and that brings us to this f&f project with a wynnstannery tayficionado power combo move contribution#and the ability to be like yay in whatever fraction we got a lambda award for that Let's go. vroom quarter mile babey &c#truly feels like a fitting contribution amid fitting & completely different contributions yet in an overall project that's like Yeah. yea.#and going lord smh billions and stuff throughout iykyk easier to avoid than f&f but hey i know only enough to go Fury Road Time#probably an alternate timeline where i went zanier like hm a tangent explaining how we even know about this role; personally lol?#but it's like One Page is ambitious enough (for sure a last minute crunch where i had to add in edits around those last minute technical#difficulties lol but it was always gonna happen like that) & being ''matter of fact''ish Explanation / Intro & fond illustrations is like#yeah that's entirely idiosyncratic & Classic in its own way
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i should learn to make hash browns
#just me hi#the diner style is my favorite :>#that and sonic tots. i love those sm#oh and there's a gas station that makes these little fried potatoes with cheese in the middle! 15/5 would recommend !!#potatoes...#also i wanna learn to make alfredo pasta#love it v much but the restaurant i liked it from filed for bankruptcy and thus exploded hfbsh ;w;#that and chicken pot pie#the frozen ones you can just pop in a toaster oven are GREAT#but i don't want to company to explode one day and i be left chicken pot pieless. it would be utterly devastating hfhs#and in that vein - menudo as well. best food on the planet nothing else to say nothing else to compare#i always put So much lemon in though hfsh - one day i'll just be eating lemon juice with some seasonings thrown in lmao :)#anyway can you tell i'm hungry. i'm hungry hfbvshf#//but in other news oh my lllllllaaananndndnsnssssjhdhbshf#fighting for my life against my lack of motivation for anything rn#poking my brain with a stick. with another stick. and another stick. and another. and another#maybe if i use more sticks it'll start to do somethin i dunno lol#i COULD be drawing. or writing. but.. i'm not. ? ?????#why? that's the big mystery baby !!! :D [<- slowly dissolving into a goop (not the epic kind)]#i'm not feeeeeeeeeeeelin it and i think that's. it's. it's SILLYYY#it's just ridiculousssssssssssssssssssssssssss#preposteroussssss wwahauhauha#and my head feels a tad weird. is that a symptom or a cause? i will investigate further and gather more clues [<- will wait for it to go#away and then not think about it again] :3#really though i hate how i get halfway through something and then Stop#like ?? hey ?? i was still using that ?? what's up ??#and my software will go 'oh this :) no yea i see that :) but it breathed around me funny dude :) no yea yea it's going into the#fridge (it won't return) :) yea nice chat dude see ya :)'#criminal. absolutely criminal. it should be the deaths sentence for this ! who's with me !!!#/lol but yyyea
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Did the thing you’re meant to do of drinking like a full glass of water as soon as I woke up and I have to say that I do feel more alert but that could easily also be placebo lol as I’m desperate to find something to clear the fog a bit. On the other hand, I definitely don’t drink enough, and if you have POTS your body dumps water and electrolytes even more than it’s meant to, so…
#we’ll see#hoping it helps at least a bit anyway#also been reading up a bit about dehydration and just thinking about how when I was in labour they gave me 4 litres of fluids and i was#still so dehydrated after he was born that my lips were the most flaky and chapped they have ever been in my life and i#was hardly peeing at all lol#iv fluids that is#i guess they finally relented to me telling them i Could Not drink the water they were giving me#i dunno i don’t actually remember it but yeah#no wonder i was such a fucking mess#imagine being so dehydrated that you just pushed a bowling ball out of your vagina and the dryness of your lips still registers as painful
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i dont understand what about this is so difficult for people to comprehend:
i just kinda want my thoughts on opinions on MY OWN HEALTH to be entertained instead of immediately disregarded
like. im 17. i shouldnt be having back pain so often. i shouldnt be having such severe leg pain. i shouldnt be dealing with such shitty hand joints. but FUCK ME i guess i dont get a say in jack SHIT about my own health!!!!! because what i say means fuck all!!!!! ok man!!!! whatever i guess!!!!!!!
#its shit like THIS that makes me TERRIFIED to bring shit up to my therapist#i cant tell her if i have an idea on what might be wrong with me because shell probably just NOT LISTEN TO ME#because thats what my LAST therapist did#and what my mother CONSTANTLY DOES#FUCK#this is why i have to self-diagnose by the fucking way#not that its any of your goddamn business what we do and why#its because of Trauma and Stigma and the fact we already Have autism so apparently. according to The Law or something#that means i cant be mentally ill in any Other way#so i GUESS ill go Fuck myself and have to deal with only being self-diagnosed with adhd. and atypical depression#and c-ptsd. for the rest of my life#and not get any treatment for anything despite it directly impacting my quality of life#and maybe being connected to my shitty memory issues#but lmaoooo that doesnt matter lol lmao rofl fuck this guy this guy doesnt know what hes talking about#how could any mentally ill person have an idea on whats wrong with them Thats Not How It Works#did i mention that that was a mindset i had btw#i dunno where i picked it up but probably from my parents#“a mentally ill person doesnt know theyre mentally ill” thats the stupidest shit ive heard in my life#also im not going to debate the validity of my mental illness with you#i have npd. that is a fact because of LITERALLY. FUCKING EVERTHING#im just not pursuing a Professional Diagnosis at this time because it wont do anything for me and itll be more trouble than its worth#and if i have my knowledge on That questioned i might Actually kill myself
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I've gotten through the first two chapters of the fanfic so far and it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I've given them both some needed editing too.
I'm about to go through the third chapter now, it was either this one or the next one that I remember being really unhappy with - and the fourth one is unfinished, I'm pretty sure. So that will be interesting.
#i still worry it's a bit too fast paced but i dunno. it could be because i've read it so many times i guess#i'm honestly not sure if the writing is any good#i feel like it's not my best but it's hard to tell since i have no one beta reading#in the past i've written things i thought weren't great but others really liked. it's really hard for me to judge#oh well. i said i'll get the first draft of chapter 6 done so once i have that i'll put up the first chapter on ao3#who needs beta readers when you have headmates lol
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anthony trying to catch glenn up to speed with all manner of bullshit that's happened in illumine and he's ranting and raving and trying to frame himself as a victim and he mentions auggie "spending all his savings on frivolous bullshit" and when he finally meets auggie again she is A Woman Now and he's like "oh That was the frivolous bullshit"
#i dunno if i ever mentioned this but from a narrative standpoint we would see this story through glenn's point of view#so i suppose that makes him 'the main character' but he is more of just A Vessel for the theoretical audience to explore illumine#as someone who hasn't been there in a long time#glenn is quite frankly such a nobody and i don't mean that from a 'i haven't developed him' writing standpoint#i mean that he's just got nothing interesting going on he's Lame and a square#hes an asshole. and pretentious. and thinks he's super smart and above all this#as a person i do not like him and i think thats fun bc i haven't had a protag in my stories that im like 'i just do not like this guy'#he's caught between the two sides of his family aka anthony/gillian who essentially run the local government and crack down on crime#vs auggie/zach who Are The Crime#and yknow. anthony wanting to kill auggie and take her soul so he can put it in a new body and 'try again' for roxanna 2.0#but of course he doesn't tell glenn that when he's trying to persuade him to his side lol#but anyway i think what's funny about glenn is that every person who sees him when he turns back up in the city is just like#'oh my god not him again'#especially auggie her first words upon seeing him were 'god you're even uglier than i remember'#auggie HATES glenn lmao i think it's so funny#meanwhile zach is like hissing 'auggie i told you to be NICE he's family'#i love auggie and zach's dynamic bc zach still wishes the family could just be nice and love each other again#he's not Naive like he knows anthony has gone too far and can't be forgiven#but he wouldn't Kill anthony or anything given the chance#meanwhile auggie is like 'i'm not sentimental like zach i will shoot you in the face if you get any closer' and she means it
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.
#a mystery grab-bag of thoughts:#sometimes i just want to send you dumb memes out of nowhere and hope that the randomness and absurdity will make you laugh#when i do my daily crossword puzzles i wish we were sitting across from each other racing to see who finishes first#(but working together on the really difficult ones because god knows I’ll never get a Sunday NYT by myself)#i think of you often but especially when it’s raining#I’ve taken to making a pie every week—nothing fancy just something in a graham cracker crust that sets in the fridge#(so far i have one ol’ faithful recipe and I’ve had a couple of failures but they were still tasty)#my phone sometimes suggests a selection of pictures of you and it used to make my heart stop a little bit#but now i just look at your face and smile and think about how lovely it was to see you every day; I’ll cherish that#i never thought you were a ‘media bully’ but if I could return the favor I’d urge you to watch amc’s interview with the vampire#it’s so GOOD and so GAY and i have a small crush on Eric bogosian that goes in the same category as my crush on Greg Davies#and it’s quite funny in places like a dry humor that leans surreal/absurd#i dunno i think you’d appreciate it even though you’re not a horror person#i wish i could hold your hand and kiss your fingers and probably nibble on them a bit#(what can i say? I’m a cat)#i made some new glitter bottles this week and they look so pretty in the sun#today my Spanish lesson was about telling time#i have no problem remembering ¿a qué hora? but get tripped up on the format of answering#(son las (hora) y (minutos) and son (minutos) para las (hora) and i could get around it by only ever answering on the half hour)#I’m not like *confident* about my Spanish but I’m picking up more than what’s in English captions when i watch stuff which is neat#i do wonder if it’s sad or weird to still feel you here with me in my heart#but i think when someone is precious to you time and distance can’t really touch that love#anyway I’m going to go do my dishes instead of blithering here all night lol#sending you care and love and sunshine and flowers my darling dearest#💜#🌻
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love when a 50+ year old man starts talking to me and telling me how he thinks men shouldnt drink fruity alcohol drinks 👍
#and when i asked him why all he could say was cause they're fruity and and men shouldnt drink them#he also had nothing to say when i told him beer was originally a ''womens'' drink lol#oh and he was telling me he thinks wine is for women and thought i would like it (i dont)#and when i said i didnt like wine then hes all oh but you have to aerate it to get all the flavors and whatever#and that he does like wine BUT only ones with this and that tastes (probably things considered more ''masculine'')#i really dont like him lol#he also had to tell me about how hes a hardcore republican and doesnt do that gay and transgender stuff#and dude i swear he was trying to show off his money to me 😐 telling me how much he makes and showing off his truck and things it can do#I DONT CARE!!!#bro was also talking about the traveling hes done and how its not fun to do it alone#and how his friends cant travel like me and him can (we had previously been talking about how we've both gone to germany#)*#like idk what you're trying to say but i am not rich like you and cant just travel whenever 👍 that is for special occasions#i dunno what point he has in trying to show off to his son's friend's girlfriend but i do not care and he makes me uncomfortable#ok im done ranting now sorry ugh i just hated every second i talked to him#i have more#i could say about him but that was the worst of it
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genuinely tried to Be Asleep for like two hours this time and just couldn't. I think i'm cursed [unwell]
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#feels pretty much like the first night i got sick (remember that breakdown? lol) except this time i have Overcome the illness#mostly anyways.#but yeah i'm just. augh. not only do i have to deal with literal nightly thoughts of sh now i can't even sleep?!#my curse of Hearing Things immediately working against me the moment i can't hear things clearly#cause ... now i REALLY don't know whats going on#like i know it's not my business and shouldn't be my business but a) i live here and b) i have to hear it either way.#just ... yeah. now that we're probably as settled in as things are gonna get i REALLY do not feel like i'm meant to be here#not in general; as in this physical actual space. there's no thought that something should be made for all of us since they have work#& i ... well i do but [redacted]. so it's the work i make for myself mostly. but yeah so it doesn't matter if nobody sees me eat breakfast#(dont care about that anyways) and it doesnt matter that nobody sees me eat dinner (maybe i care A Little ok) because the whoooole rest of#the day is nebulous Lunch Time. and oh boy let me tell you. i'm not having that either#cause uhm. 'you can eat our food' only means so much until money comes into the equation#like BOY if i thought i was messed up about that before let me tell you: it has become Worse#i dunno. i try to have good days and yet the moment its Asleep Time i am someone completely different#like ... it's like seasonal depressiom but WORSE because theres SUNLIGHT and i LOVE SUNLIGHT#no yeah i think that's exactly the sort of thing i can liken it to now that i think of it#cause i always have like... seasonal issues when it starts gettin dark around 4-5ish range. except right now its summer so its NOT#wish i knew how to really be normal. then maybe at least if i wouldnt have good music making material i could like. meaningfully contribute#to my existence as a roommate#'i'm doing great' says man who is somehow Still Not#relatedly i think my next public facing breakdown is either gonna be about this still or about spinning in the pride parade. time will tell#....i can hear them AGAIN i know why IM up why are THEY#/bangs on wall Go To Sleeeeep leave me alone to also sleep T_T#that's ... that's a joke by the way i'm not doing that. i do feel more tired now so maybe i will have somewhat restful sleep. hopefully
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