#dunc and egg

[queenhelenblackthorn]

to all the people complaining about too much dialogue, no action and filler episodes in HOTD: this show is not for you. there aren't any dragons. there will not be a battle every other episode. sit this one out please I beg you

[aclownsclownery]

now that I'm getting into the fnaf I'm realizing how many things on I've known for so long are from the series, mostly audios.

But also, EGGS FUCKING BENEDICT IS FROM FNAF??????

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE I HEARD IT FIRST BUT IT SURE WASNT FNAF AND I WOULD JUST SAY IT EVERY NOW AND THEN BECAUSE IT SOUNDS FUNNY BUT APPAREBTLY ITS THE STUPUD FUCKING TYPING PAD MESSING UP MICHEAL AFTONS NAME???????

[yuurei20]

Twisted Wonderland the Novel English Translation Review: Excellent

Did a quick read-through of the English-language novel (not a word-for-word comparison with the original novel yet), and: it is an excellent translation!

Some quick notes about the more language-sensitive parts:

・As in the English-language game, Grim is referred to as a weasel in the prologue. In the original game, the original manga and the EN manga, he is called a Tanuki.

・Much like the EN manga, the original game/manga’s use of the word “egg” has been changed to “fledgling.”

・The incantation for Riddle’s unique magic is: EN Novel: "Are you ready for your sentence? Sentence first! Verdict afterward."

EN Manga: “Are you ready for your sentence? The verdict comes afterwards. Any last words?”

・The conversation where Yuuya explains where he is from is very similar to the original novel:

"I'm from Nihon," Yuya told him. "Ni-kan?" "Umm. Ja-p-an." Yuya tried the English name of his country, but that apparently did not click for Crowley either.

・The references to Japanese schools beginning in spring and NRC being more closely related to schools in Europe and America have been retained.

・Curse words have been changed into things like “punk,” “dunce,” etc., with Ace repeating “dodo” fairly often.

・The line where Ace tells Yuuya to drop the honorific from his name was changed. Instead, Yuuya thanks Ace by saying “I really appreciated your help yesterday” and Ace responds, “This isn't some highfalutin rich-kid school. You don't need to be so polite."

・The line where Deuce tells Yuuya to drop the honorific from his name was changed to Deuce protesting against Yuuya thanking Ace first instead of thanking him first.

"How come you said Ace first?" Deuce protested. "I'm first."

・Cater consistently refers to Ace, Deuce, Yuuya and Grim as “Acey, Deucey, Yuey and Grimmy. At least once he refers to Riddle as “Riddley.” No nickname for Trey.

・As there are no honorifics Yuuya refers to Riddle by his first name only, Ace refers to Trey by his first name only, and Deuce refers to Cater, Trey, Riddle and Malleus as “Diamond,” “Clover,” “Rosehearts” and “Draconia.”

・The incantation for Trey’s unique magic is: "White to red, red to white.”

・In the original novel Ace says “Thank you,” in English, while in the English translation he says “merci.”

・”Beastpeople” are called “beast people” instead of “beast men.”

・Yuuya reflecting on how Chenya does not use an honorific with Riddle was changed to, “Yuya had only ever heard Trey talk about him so casually.”

・The line about Cater using honorifics with everyone except Trey in serious situations was changed to, “He usually sounded so lighthearted when he called Trey's name…And Cater only said his name so seriously when it was truly important.”

・The EN game switched from “magical healers” to “medical mages,” and the novel went with ”magical healers.”

・Ace refers to Riddle without an honorific just once in the original novel. This is commented on in a line changed to, “You’re already bossing him around.”

・(There is a typo where Cater and Trey are talking about Riddle’s upcoming duel, and a line that Trey says is attributed to Deuce. Deuce is not in the scene.)

・(There is also a typo where Enchanted Mine (changed from ”Dwarf Mine”) is written as “Enchanted Mind.”)

・Ace’s original line of “the way a kid turns out doesn't determine the value of their parents” was written backwards in the EN game, but the EN manga and novel are both accurate to the original game/manga/novel.

・Cater’s line in the original game/manga/novel admonishing Trey for hiding his true feelings has been upheld in the novel as well as the EN manga, with only the EN game rewritten to Cater admonishing himself, instead. (This was possibly subject pronoun confusion.)

・Much like the EN game, Leona’s “Be prepared” was rewritten in the EN novel.

[caitchercatlady]

He'll Have to Go Through Me

-Diasomnia Version

Malleus Draconia

You would think that once your secret friendship with Malleus became public that no one would dare to lay a word or finger on you again. Malleus made his point to being a pacifist a couple of times, but if the time were to cal for it, Malleus will not hesitate to lay down the law. You and Hornton adore some peaceful evening walks to clear your heads.

On this night, you ask Hornton to relax together in the field, to which Malleus was more than willing to do as long as it's with you laying next to him. You two are laying in the grass when a duo of students also enjoying the night see you and utter the word "weakling" as if it was the most common word in their personal dictionaries. They learn quickly to shut up as a lightning bolt lands a little too close for comfort, causing them to run off like bats out of Hell.

"These humans get too bold for their own good. Rest assured, Child of Man, I will never let this boldness be to your detriment. If you are ever bothered again, promise me that you will seek my assistance, will you?"

You promise Malleus, and he is more than glad to guide you back to Ramshackle safely. If Malleus had his way, he would stay with you for as long as he saw fit, but when you told him that you'd be fine sleeping in your dorm tonight, Malleus respectfully lets you go until the next day.

Lilia Vanrouge

Ever since you piqued Lilia's interest, he's been aware of your every vibration. On one night, he senses something off coming from Ramshackle, so he has to pause his video game session to transport to your dorm. From a tree in the distance, he sees that Ramshackle is under a classic egging attack from a couple of dunces. Oh, this veteran is not going to accept this, regardless of how harmless the act is compared to what Lilia had to deal with throughout his life.

He poofs himself to another tree closer to the house and spooked the riff raff from continuing their "prank." The delinquents try to stand up to the Diasomnia Vice Housewarden, but Lilia doesn't move an inch.

"You're right. I can't do anything about it, but I best believe that the Headmage would get a real good laugh once I tell him this funny tale tomorrow morning. He would find it so funny that he would love to invite you to his office and talk to you about it. What do you think? Should I go do that, boys? Should I?"

Not wanting to argue with Lilia further, the riff raff make a complete dash for the hills. Lilia magically clears the egg aftermath out of existence. He spots you watching the entire show from your bedroom window. Lilia kindly winks before vanishing back to Diasomnia.

Silver

As aloof as Silver may be, his training since childhood isn't all for naught when it comes to keeping the peace at Night Raven. He's spending his lunch period, napping in the garden, when he is woken up to loud bantering from the other side. Silver spots you being cornered by a couple of his own dormmates, poking some fun at he school's lay person. You say something one of them doesn't like, and that hoodlum gets angry enough to use magic on you, hoping to put you in your place.

At the speed of light, Silver blocks the spell from touching you with his wand. The dormmates are terrified to see one of Malleus's righthand men intervening. In fact, Silver threatens to inform the Housewarden and the Vice Housewarden of their misdeeds if they refuse to leave the Prefect alone.

After they run off, Silver turns around and hugs you close to him as he could. He tells you that everything is okay. He senses that you want to let out something but can't.

"Let out a cry, Prefect. It is not courageous to keep your fears inside. I'll be right here to blow those fears away, so cry as you must. Cry it all out."

Sebek Zigvolt

Though Sebek's life goal is to serve Malleus for the rest of his living life, part of that position is also protecting all who Malleus cares about. That happens to include the Prefect, much to Sebek's chagrin. His loyalty to Malleus is put to the test as he's making his track runs during P.E. class.

You are just doing your best to make the track time when a couple of chuckleheads think it's funny to push you down into the grass. Sebek's blood boils at this. To avenge you, he uses his baton wand to trip the bullies onto the ground as he's sure that will catch their attention. Sebek berates the heathens and demands they apologize to you. The bullies scoff, but that only makes Sebek's wand grow brighter.

"I don't announce my commands twice. Apologize...NOW!"

The bullies quickly apologize (though their sincerity is questionable) and they run off away from you both. You are pleasantly surprised at Sebek's generous and noble deed to the point of tears. You hide your face in Sebek's P.E. uniform. The half croc fae's face reddens in embarrassment, but he reminds himself that this is for Malleus to see his worth. Although the thanks from you doesn't hurt much either.

[asktheritochampion]

There seems to have been a mistake. Your right Revali, you aren't Tulin's brother, or a brother figure to him. Link is. This might come as a surprise to you, but Link has played a very active role in Tulin's life. Don't take my word for it, just ask Teba.

@askthenewritoelder Tell this fool that I am a far more afluential and important part of your sons life than Link is! That pretty little dunce of a knight only showed up in your life not that long ago whereas I have been present in stories guiding his future since he was in the egg! It's hardly like Link can help the boy better understand the art of the wind! I have gallantly taken him under my wing since my fateful return!

Actually, @tulin-sageofwind, you tell them! Tell this know-it-all that am far superior than Link and I'll get you that 'fortnight battle pass' thing you keep begging your mother for, and I'll teach you to do a 'sick' blindfolded headshot with your bow that will get you any girl you want. How's that for a brother-esq example?

[phalangemedes]

CAMPAL LIT ANAL 🔥🔥🔥

To start off with, a personalised character debrief, of sorts, so the nonsense I'm about to spout stems from my known perception of them rather than just inherent batshit:

PALAMEDES SEXTUS: Tall ergo mouse faced man with the jokes and no brain shut off button. Burdened with gifted kid ego AND gifted kid guilt. Disabled even for a necromancer (not genetic turbo cancer for the nuke blast creation of thanergy but allergies, aerospace thick specs, lingering hint of the 'tism (social cues whomst, Mr that evil nun who thinks I'm a murderer is now my BEST FRIEND. Decided he was going to marry a girl because he liked that she was puzzley. His life partner is low emotive and he's never noticed.) (RE:marry Dulci the man is a glutton for a hyperfixation. 12 years and he's like 'we'll be married, Cam's my best man, I love them')). Bred for necromantic psychometry and groomed for Wardenhood (I used "groomed" because he was a literal child when they lauded his intellect as sufficient enough to egregiously test him to see if he was worthy of the title of Master Warden (spoilers, a 13 year old is a tiny baby child, no matter how cute, clever OR smug they are) This neatly slots into the "gifted kid" issues in that his parents ALLOWED this to happen, nay, encouraged it as an accolade. So I wouldn't say he was actively abused, but neither was he "cared" for, which is prime reason as to why he latched onto the only emotionally available peer AND was self sacrificial to a scary fault (re: ka-boom)

CAMILLA HECT: Tall TANK with too much inside to contain without fidget. Burdened with an inferiority complex 20 miles wide and a dunces hat of imposter syndrome. (Some of this is that The Sixth don't really respect swordhands, some of it is that in the capacity they DO respect it, she isn't ranked the most highly (RE: Not an Alexandrite. I assume Epeids? Cause she will class herself as competent and I think the Sixth aren’t stupid enough to put her in the spec ed class once she’s a Cav Prime.) Low EXTERNAL emotion, high energy, Palamedes is patently the words and she's happy with that. (As we go through HtN and NtN it reads more and more like alexithymia, more so when she just finally bursts the fuck into tears). Focuses a little too hard on being "useful", to the point and beyond of harm/self harm. Treats loyalty in a similar manner. A 0% or 100% kinda bitch. Close with her sister, but NOT her fathers, which is an interesting one because we have minimal backstory on that one, but it very much READ as a "forbidden" thing to be with Palamedes not just in the act of lyctorhood ascension but a 'They never understood' way. So her choosing to be Cavalier Primary was her choice AGAINST the wishes of other, societally and inter-familially.

ADDENDUM to Cam: She is a Carer, not in a motherly carer role, a Carer with a capital C. She cares for those with disadvantages in a MANNER I have witnessed IN the caring profession. This is MOST notable in the dynamics with Nona but she does the same with Pal. Where Pyrrha gives Nona fun dad treatment, with no less care, and Palamedes is the voice of gentle reason, consent and options, Cam is loving enforcement and active encouragement. It’s a theme. I’d like it highlit to those of you that have never had one or interacted in what is a COMPLICATED dynamic, a Carer is not a SERVITOR, they are a companion, they see you at your weakest and tackle ills with compassion. Is it a CHOSEN role.

Likewise Cam being raised female and not necromantically inclined (on planet eugenics and Your Eggs Are So Useful To Us BabyGirl) has just had humility beaten into her, but there are various places (Dr Sex coming to mind the most vividly, Pal trusting her with reconstruction of his skeleton, him trusting her opinion on things HE is looking at necromantically) where she is AS bright as him, but is not afforded the same societal perks as him as a necro.

tl;dr

Golden boy brain box who is struggling to live up to it, doing anything to be Good Enough. Held together by Cam's trust in him.

Black sheep who is struggling to perceive herself as worthy, doing anything to be Good Enough. Held together by Pal's faith in her.

Cool, we got it? ONWARD.

GENDER; PERCEPTIONS AND CHANGES:

Pre-Canaan through Canaan:

Palamedes Sextus, Master Warden of The Sixth House is a seeker of knowledge, his pronouns are forgot/to/eat (j/k.) I don't think he perceives himself as much of anything, until he's forced to. He is a man as The Master Warden and for Dulcinea, but I wonder how much of that is the "breeding program" ethos of the Sixth and how much of that is his OWN perception of himself because he's not a TRADITIONAL feeling man, even compared to other men in the canon. When I joke he's a he/him lesbian it's because he FEELS, not female, but feminine. In how he interacts with space and people, with the touchy-feeliness, with the way he expresses himself vociferous and poetically. 'Male' to him seems to be a mantle he wears above the neutrality of who he is and the femininity of his affections.

Camilla Hect, Hand of the Library, is a swordswoman and a cavalier and a hand. Cam is beautifully ungendered, but not in the same way as Palamedes is more of a... I feel like she'd be shocked to be told there's a binary? Just generally. She's practical, but butch, she's just Camilla. A she/her in the same way as a ship or a car. Not like a mother but like a deity -- and THAT is from Palamedes' perception of her. If he's a good boy, she's the Goddess he lays his altar out for. She’s not a ‘woman’ for anyone, not her house, not him. I think that’s important.

New-Rho:

I know there're alotta trans allegories here, but I'm gunna be a party pooper and say this is QUEER but not trans, not because it doesn't follow the path but because I don't think there is a Tomb binary to start with. There's a fluidity and flux IRL doesn't have (because people like their lil ticky boxes). And Pal doesn't feel different IN Cam, he feels the same. More him. He's more outwardly affectionate, he's more fussy and stroppy. He's him but Settled. I think he likes being whatever he is as Camilla. I think because he always liked Cam more.

Cam remains Cam. And I am delighted with this because Palamedes' influence within AND without is the same? I fucking love this woman, she popped out the womb like this and she's just keeping on trucking. Someone thinks she's a sex worker? Unfussed. Someone thinks she's fucking Crown? Mild distaste but that's more on the fact Corona is a biiitch. Dual daddying with Pyrrha? It's a TITLE, Cam seems to like titles. Maybe that's what it is, Camilla's self expression is a list of titles given to her by those who love her. The only one she’s picked for herself is Cavalier.

PAUL:

LEAST they/them they/them in the world. OBSESSED with them, they have the feminine energy that Palamedes carries but in Cam's body?? But the siege weapon threat of Cam?? Obsessed to get to know them more. I sense I shall kiss them on the mouth.

THEM AS CHARACTER ARCHETYPES VS "PEOPLE":

I think in part some of the issue with Palamedes and Camilla is how, on the whole, they seem to have been type cast as Male Boss and Female Minion. Because a tall dude with some authority and a quiet woman are put together and people get weird about that. (Even IRL. ‘Which one of you’s the fork?’ well firstly, she’s the knife, SECONDLY… that’s my tall glass of baby girl that speaks in a countertenor)

And this is a two fold issue:

THE FIRST: The Necromancer and Cavalier dynamic as portrayed by Muir.

It's seen as crass to dick down your cavalier (From Abigail and Magnus, through to Judith and Marta with canonical romantic refusal and LATTERLY Judith's SECONDARY canonical refusal of Coronabeth. Interestingly I don't see much shit about Isaac and Jeannemary but that's another hillock to rot on.).

But that doesn't seem to be the main issue WITHIN FANDOM or (more) people would be coming for Abigail and her lovely ottery meat shield.

Or Griddlehark.

Harrow and Gideon are lauded as the greatest romance of all time and the power dynamic there is TRULY whack. (affectionate)

Heir to the throne and indentured slave?

Necromancer made of a bajillion babies and a Base Level Not-Even-Squaddie.

Abuser and abused.

FORCED cavalier and necro?

Witness and sacrifice.

Even if you view them as a complicated sister dynamic... there are ABUNDANT issues there and a staggering co-dependancy that plays out in a sapphic lobotomy. So we have a base line of what, in the Nine Houses, classifies as a Fuckin' Ride Or Die of a relationship.

(this is without the fact that the NORM is for a baby to be specifically born for a Necromancer. Either RE:The manyfold uncles or like Babs being chosen as a zygote. Which do I have to explain how eugenics and baby-promises are worse than two people choosing each other or NAH?)

THE SECOND: People see a man and a woman and they give them preordained gender roles, which they then do some A/B/O level gymnastics to make them negatively fit into the necro and cav dynamic. It's funny because they're grey librarians who look like librarians. They look similar, they act similar but for some reason the fact Cam has tits gets some WILD hottakes.

(My favourite (said with spite and loathing) was someone asking if Cam fancied Harrow because she let Nona touch her… I.. I just??? She was letting Nona express herself in a safe way, Nona, who is a VULNERABLE ADULT with sensory issues. (yes this was reddit how did you guess))

Which.. is peculiar when you think of how we meet them, in an investigative role where they are immediately, companionably mocking each other? Where, out the gate, Cam lunges to protect Pal and as quickly as that happens he calls her back to protect her?

The Cavalier is there to protect the Necromancer. And yet he is IMMEDIATELY portrayed as a shield.

There's also an inherent, and non-canonically spoken of trust about what Pal EXPECTS of Camilla. It starts off with her with the rapier and how although adept with it, it is not her main skillset. And it's played against the bum rush way Gideon had to give in the two hander, but it's also, OBVIOUSLY, something Camilla has done forever and a day. So their roles are already non-traditional, with the basics of 'your cavalier should be your sword' cause girly pop let his barn door have two because she patently WANTED THEM.

Likewise, when hoorah boot clack salute, stick up her arse, repressed lesbo challenges them for their keys Cam is hot to go, but she waits for him to catch up. And he was erring on denial, he was erring on losing KNOWLEDGE, which is his main gain from any situation, to make sure she didn't get injured. But he puts her in that fight for HER HONOUR first, not his, not the Sixth's, Camilla Hect.

When she's injured, other than a brief moment of being a catty princess to Jody and Marta who lol DESERVED, he CHECKS Cam. He's frightened, he's fretting, he just wants her to not have been stabbed quite a lot, and PATENTLY blames himself. He is a PHYSIOLOGICALLY ADEPT necromancer and he FEARS for her injury, because of the pain not the complications of healing. It's an obvious show of how he perceives her as an extension of himself but NOT a tool.

Likewise, the only thing Pal ever did wrong and honestly, Dulci you aquatic-bint your way out of that river and give him a SLAP, was that he left her when he went to nuke Cytherea. He did it as a kindness, he didn't want her to see, he THOUGHT he did the right thing. And he didn't, and there wasn't a right thing, but oh my god dude.

He acted like a cavalier to guarantee her safety.

And I see a lot of 'oh well he did it cause he was upset about Dulci' like?? Cytherea SPOKE to them about the Avulsion trial. He had to look "Dulcinea" in the eye when she asked him to siphon Cam. Do you not think he wasn't already turbo pissed off? Hurt? Upset? Do you not think he was already mourning her, that he chose Cam over her, because he said “no”?

Which is a good segue into 'Paul is problematic'. First up, buckle up my darling little babies, spiritual cannibalism isn't exactly a fuckin' jolly holly time anyway, cause it was made by a man with the moral compass of a rabid wolverine and tits covered in biscuit crumbs.

At no point does Palamedes not feel dreadful for squatting inside Camilla. He is the (un)embodiment of a nervous friend sitting on a mostly full sofa trying to make himself as small as possible and wincing whenever he accidentally touches someone. He is there ONLY because it's what she wanted. And we know that because they discuss it, PRIVATELY, and it overheard by Nona. He also offers Cam the choice, they keep going as they are, or they do something else. But it is together, whatever they do is together. And she chooses to not suffer alone. And that some a y'all shit on that is a choice.

Harrow TBI's herself to not lose Gideon, but when two people enter into togetherness with consent it's a no?? They had a big ol’ adult chat (or 50 off screen, who knows, babygirl can’t shut up so I imagine it was more) and there’s booing and hissing.

Wah wah they're co-dependent it's not healthy, SURE, but it’s extreme circumstances, it's grimdark space heresy. Cam is a victim of torture, starvation and other such New Rho hells. Palamedes was in the purgatory of river isolation post suicide and his only hope of survival was Cam. They are the reason the other kept going. Paul is them keeping going, Paul is their promise to the other that it'll be okay, because they're there. Yes, they're co-dependent but they are each other's reason for being.

Even in the real world, when everything is subterranean, sewer level shit, you are told to find a reason to keep going. It can be a concert in a few months, or your ageing cat, it can be your mother or your tomato plants. And it's not long term, but THEY don't have long term.

And they BOTH chose. Palamedes had no promise of what would happen once he was booted back out of Babs, did he go back in Cam and risk her soul, or did he try another body? Was he already compromised by Tridentarii taint? But he was willing, if it was for her.

Likewise she was at the precipice of a wound that really needed a necromancers attention (look how BoE left Judith, like jesus colostomy christ the woman is a menace but shoving a carrier bag in her then blood letting her to refuel your stolen tesla is rough guys). It needed HER necromancers attention. And that wasn't happening. And she couldn't take not having him any more.

And they didn't go into it blind, The Sixth as a house patently had more knowledge on the melange of souls than most (via all the secrecy that was shared with BoE etcetc), and Pal had just learnt more, first hand, shoved up inside Naberius feeling their edges bleed together. And they had felt what it was to be Them before. They BOTH experienced that, like, blood-sweat and worried daddy lap aside, they both knew it would hurt her, and I have no doubt it cut Palamedes up, but it ate some of him too. 'Oh it hurt her more' my DUDE the man was already bone dust and fuck all else all that COULD be hurt WAS hurt.

THIRDLY (I realise there was not initially three points but there sure fucking is now LESSGO):

SACRIFICE. I've seen it said, repeatedly, they have an uneven power dynamic because Cam 'sacrifices' herself for him.

WELL. Let's break that down with a direct comparison.

Gideon Nav, a woman who had never been loved, but had sometimes been useful, sacrificed herself for a chance to die with the knowledge of being wanted. She knew and wanted to be eaten, absorbed, nothing more than her sword. This was seen as a rejection by Harrow for reasons even GIDEON was aware of, poor kid.

Harrowhark Nonagesimus, woman who, understandably, thinks she's cursed as all fuck, refused to take the sacrifice of Another Body and in the process made Gideon think she was being rejected. I think she is less aware, but not totally unaware. And it was in desperation. And she is so young, they both are, they were scared and staring at a bone wall or forever death.

But my point is their togetherness, no matter how complete, was born of VIOLENCE and the eradication of one of them, the violence of need, of desperation to belong, to not be torn from the one consistent point in their lives : each other.

Camilla Hect saw the buckshot shrapnel of her life partner embedded in Canaan's masonry (this is an actual sacrifice, he sacrificed himself for her safety) and chose to take the red string of fate and GANK IT until she got Palamedes back. Because they had a (theoretically possible) predetermined get-out-of-jail-free plan for if something took him first. They planned to never be apart, this was one plan of many.

And Palamedes Sextus, for his part, did everything he could to keep them safe, keep her safe, to make sure, even in the end, they would be together in the safest, sanest way possible. He dredged her from death both times they were shot, he sewed her back together from within the cage of her body. He resurrected them. He was a god FOR them, so they could stay them.

Was it actually safe and sane? Compared to gutty stabs and being consumed by a IANTHE, honestly, yeah.

Was it ideal? No, but it was better than death.

They lived, together. Discussed it, chose it.

If Palamedes is Decisive Consent and Camilla is Patient Protection, Paul is a Conversation with a lil line of kisses at the bottom. They're not made from love, they're made from necessity, but they are born BECAUSE of love, gentility. The difference between rabid hunger after suffering food scarcity and spending 14 hours cooking a meal for someone you love. They are both acts of consumption, but the tone is so vastly different.

✨anyway yeah hi I fucking love Cam and Pal and this is the hill I've chosen to climb and repeatedly die on✨

(I'd like to postface this with I love ALL these characters, I slag them off with the love of literary analysis, and none of them ever did anything wrong they are my tiny angel baby war crimes whom i wub them a normal amount.

...And I'm not getting the books out to quote shit so you're gunna have to embrace the Vibes.<3)

(shout out to @grievingbovine this is (partially) their fault *heart hands*)

[fantasyqueen502]

Mrs. Miller: Chapter 2

Summary- (Before the infection/apocalypse) A look into the life of Mrs. Miller. A rough couple nights of the Millers handling a screaming Sarah.

Relationship- Joel Miller X female Reader

Rating: PG New parent struggles Word Count: 728

"Y/N," Joel grumbles with exhaustion, rocking a screaming Sarah in his arms. The snoring woman doesn't move. "Y/N." He says a little louder, adjusting the screaming child, who begins to squirm in his hold. Y/N stirs rolling onto her back. Leaning over her "Y/N!"

She jolts up, headbutting his face. They both groan, Joel holding his forehead and Y/N holding her nose. "What is wrong with you?" He groans.

"You just headbutted me!" she spat.

"Why are you yelling?"

"I am now deaf in one ear, and you brought in a screaming baby, you dunce!" She holds her nose while checking her hand. "Am I bleeding?" throwing off the blanket making her way to their bathroom. Wincing at the bright light and wiping the few drops of red from her lip. "What's wrong with Sarah?" she asks.

"She's hungry." He informs.

"There's milk in---"

"--the fridge, the second shelf to the right, yes, there wasn't any."

"I just pumped. There's like twenty bottles." She pushes past him. Downstairs, swinging open the fridge door. Groaning at the sight of an entire shelf of bottles. "You didn't even look," she said, taking Sarah into her arms.

"You said the second shelf."

"Yes."

"That's the third shelf."

"It's the second shelf. Why does it matter?" She shushes bouncing Sarah, who continues to scream in her ear.

"One...two...three…" he counts."

"You don't count the first shelf."

"What?"

"You now know where the bottles are now, get one!" She snaps. "It's okay, baby. Shhh!" a mantra, repeating them over and over. Watching Joel walk past the sink.

"What are you doing?" She grabs his arm.

"Warming the bottle."

"Not with the microwave. You'll scold her. Run it under warm water." She gestures to the sink.

Running the bottle under warm water for a few moments "Think it's warm enough." Shaking a few drops on his wrist.

POP!!!

The top rolls about the tile with milk splashing everywhere. All over his arm onto the floor, soaking their socks.

~•~

Y/N awakes to the room basked in gold. Lifting her head from her pillow. Sitting up to Joel nudging the door open with his foot.

"Morning," she greets. Eyeing a tray in his hands.

"Good morning, Mama." He smiles. Placing the tray on her lap. French toast and eggs. She eyes the clock on her nightstand.

"It's two in the afternoon." She gasps.

"You deserved some extra shut-eye." Taking a seat beside her, rubbing her thigh.

"Nutmeg?" She smiles, pointing at the breakfast with her fork.

"And cinnamon." He adds. "Just how you like it." He smiles.

"Thank you " at a loss for words. Taking a few bites of egg. "Sorry for last night."

"We were both sleep-deprived and not thinking straight." He runs his thumb over a small bruise beginning on the bridge of her nose. Y/N scrunches her face at the tenderness, looking at the matching mark near his hairline. "Eat up before your food gets cold." He instructs. She cut herself a big piece of toast and egg, mopping up as much syrup as she could. Shoveling it into her mouth. She hums with delight. "Good?" He asks rhetorically. She nods, pursing her lips for a syrupy kiss which he gladly accepts.

~•~

"I’ve just been so tired." She yawns, taking the tray of dirty dishes to the kitchen to wash.

"You just had a baby; it's our badge of honor as parents." leaning in, noses brushing against each other, but Sarah's cries interrupt them. They're groaning, chuckling at their daughters' perfect timing.

"I got it." He volunteers, placing a quick peck on her lips.

"I've got the dishes." She adds sneaking a second peck to his surprise. "Thanks for breakfast." She coos.

~•~

"I was thinking—" Joel calls out, making his way down the stairs of the home now gifted with silence. "---about calling up Tommy to watch Sarah to give us some much-needed mommy-daddy time." He smiles. "How's that sound?" He asks, noticing the sink overflowing with water. "Y/N?" He calls as she doesn't respond and begins to sway suddenly collapsing onto the floor. "Y/N!" He shouts, rushing over to her. Cradling her face and patting her cheek. Heart racing when her eyes didn't open. "Y/N? Baby? Can you hear me?" He calls lifting her into his lap.

Series chapter order:

Mrs. Miller

Mrs. Miller: Chapter 2

Mrs. Miller: Chapter 3

Mrs. Miller: Chapter 4

Mrs. Miller: Chapter 5

[matthew-pasquarello]

hersurvival

stuck the eggs to the wall, comedy and agony in a trench-coat of tragedy and dunce caps on the ant traps pledge allegiance to the holes in my socks - buy me new days ones i can fit in salt shakers find me new ways to counteract the blush when i meet my maker join him in his grasshopper song

[isawken]

how i got invited to a council meeting for the world's oldest professional clown organization: a reflection on the value of weird niche interests and shooting your shot

it is 2 PM EST. i work from home- i've taken my work laptop to set up in the bedroom along with my personal laptop. i shouldn't be away for more than 30 minutes. call it a late lunch. i've made sure my Zoom icon has been changed from the little gif of a monkey from the video game Ape Escape wiping his ass with a towel over and over again to the far more respectable default icon. i've put my full first name as the username in place of "snart". i am very, very nervous. 2:01 PM. i always wait exactly one minute before hopping into a meeting i'm nervous about. i hate being the first one in a call. the burden of initiating casual conversation is one i particularly hate.

i enter the zoom room key and passcode and enter the meeting.

=================================

those who know me irl or follow me on twitter know that i'm like, really into clowns. i could (and probably will one day) write an entirely different thinkpiece on the reasons why this happened to me. i have not always been Clown Guy. i never hated them, but never loved them, until around 2018 when i started really getting into jesters. the interest in clowns was a lateral move at that point. this makes a lot more sense in my head than in real life, but whatever. you get the point.

i started doing clown make up, getting clown supplies, doing clown photoshoots for fun. a neat little creative outlet. then, as with all of my fleeting interests, i started consuming everything i could about the history of them. and my fleeting interest became a full blown fascination.

one of the more interesting things i learned about was clown eggs. short version: in the 1940s a dude named Stan Bult decided to make a clown organization. and as part of this clown organization he integrated a fun hobby- painting and adorning chicken eggs with the visages of famous clowns, and later, members of the organization itself. these eggs were a staple of the org until Stan's death in the 60s. The practice fell to the wayside for a couple decades, then was rebirthed in the 1980s, with a new group of chairclowns and a new artist. it is once again a staple of the organization, and one i am enamored with. the crazy part about it all is, Stan Bult was a chemist. not even a clown.

=================================

i am on the phone with Dee Dee, the lead chair of the organization. on my application i mentioned extensive social media usage, and she emailed me a few days after approving my application one evening asking if i'd be interested in helping out the organization with their social media presence. i'd be a fucking dunce to say no. she tells me about the current person in charge of their various social medias. she likes her, she says, pausing to add a tone to the next part of her sentence. it's the kind of tone you use when you are expressing dissatisfaction to someone and you're confident they'll commiserate your feeling. "but, she's not even a clown."

i give a very diplomatic (noncommittal) "ah, yeah."

=================================

it is a tuesday summer night and i am drunk, and i am filling out an application for a clown egg before i lose my nerve. i already have my signature make up. i'm actually really proud of it. red lips, blue nose, yellow eyes. red yellow and blue freckles. a red circle, blue square, and yellow triangle pattern above the eyebrows and under the eyes. red yellow and blue checkered button down with cowboy fringe on the chest. a tan stetson given to me by my grandfather. a gaudy clown face bolo tie. i did a pretty good job if i do say so myself.

i send the photos along with the application, 100% confident i will get rebuffed because i'm not a "real" clown. i do get rebuffed, but not in the way i expect. the person fielding applications, Dee Dee, instead gently asks me to submit a membership application first, then she'll be able to send in the order for the clown egg. she says my face design is very cute. i fill out the application and send it back in immediately.

a few days later and i'm sent an email saying my membership fee payment has been processed, and welcome to Clowns International! attached is a PDF of a hilariously simply-edited membership card. it's a sharp, bright red. it features my full name, my clown name, my signature, and my membership number. i'm clown number 22011. text in italics at the bottom of the card says "Members in Good Standing must show cards on request for all CI meetings."

i really hope i can go to one of those, i think to myself, giddy at this eyesore of a rectangle and what it means to me.

=================================

i enter the zoom meeting.

"Oh, there she is!"

i am greeted by a short row of older men and women. i am guessing the youngest aside from me is probably in their 40s. the oldest looks like they could be 80. Dee Dee starts right in.

"So that's what you look like under your makeup! Everybody, this is who I was telling you about, Ken____. She's a bit of a new clown, and she's agreed to help us out with some of our social media."

Dee Dee references a "blog" that i run. i am immensely thankful that she never asked to see my twitter account, and no one else on the call asks either. they just take my expertise on faith. well, faith, and the spiel i give them about how consistent posting will result in increased engagement, and how best to go about engendering social media growth. i throw out plans for posts- history threads, cute memes or art spotlights, posts highlighting members' eggs. the older ones just nod along, but one in particular is very enthusiastic. he tells me he had a tiktok recently get a million views of him and a clown buddy chasing each other in tiny cop cars. i nod along.

the tiktok guy and the guy managing the facebook argue for 30 minutes about whether or not to focus more on social media presence or maintaining the current membership. they go in circles until finally moving on to the horse hospital event (still not sure what that's about) and annual Grimaldi funeral service (i'll make a different post about that one day). then the newsletter. then some other random updates i zone out on. it has been almost 2 hours. i have my work laptop on the bed next to me and am covertly answering emails while the clowns bicker.

turns out even british clowns are exactly as grumpy as regular british people. who knew.

=================================

i am very good at making plans. i love nothing more than making a document detailing actions and ideas in a concise, clear manner. i make a social media treatment, detailing plans for potential posts and even fully written out history blurbs with pictures that can be adapted into threads or instagram posts. i send that out. Dee Dee asks me to follow up with the facebook guy and the twitter/insta girl. the facebook guy just straight up gives me access to twitter. the twitter/insta girl does not respond to any emails.

i've been posting on their twitter account for 6 months now. it's right here if you want to take a look at it. not to brag (lol jk this is definitely a brag), but i've just about doubled their followers in that time. the instagram girl still hasn't given me any log in info, despite my gentle offers to "help" with insta posts. i also notice it has not posted in about 2 years now. i am an interloper, a newcomer. she is the daughter of one of the chairclowns. i am sitting on this information for now. the last thing i want is to instigate a clown war with an old british person. i'd lose for sure.

=================================

i'm not a "real" clown. i don't do parties, i don't work at a circus. i don't think i ever will (i'm only 28 though, who knows what the future holds). all i do is clown around on twitter for people's amusement. but over the last two years i have gained so much understanding and respect for the profession, and all i want to do is share that. i have another board meeting with them soon. i am very curious how this one is going to go. Dee Dee has mentioned a few times how she wants to meet me in person one day. this is all kind of a charade- i am waiting for the day when they realize i'm not an active working clown in the traditional sense, and they kick my civilian ass out. i really hope i get a clown egg before that. it's been about 9 months and no word though, so my hopes aren't exactly high. i go back and forth on whether or not i deserve one. and then i remember that the founder of the whole organization was never a clown. he just really liked them. and it's lasted about 80 years now.

this whole clown thing has been one of the most positive forces in my life over the last few years. i'm sure most of you know how fun it is, to dive headfirst into a new obsession. it's fun to share it with people- most are immediately at least interested if not just bemused when i bring up clown stuff. and it gave me the confidence to apply to a fucking clown organization and get a membership card and become one of their social media managers and holy shit how fucking insane is that??? even if this blows up, even if i get kicked out and never get my egg and it all burns to the ground, that is something i can keep in my heart forever. that is a story i can whip out at any party for the rest of my life, and get chuckles. i may not be a real clown, but i'm definitely addicted to getting chuckles like one.

anyways, the moral of the story here is to apply to whatever your version of a world renown clown organization is. get drunk on a tuesday night and shoot your shot. and even if it doesn't go great you can always make a fun story out of it. or a really, really long post on tumblr.

[fictonrantsworld]

I don't care what anyone says this is my shiera seastar casting untill I see dunc and eggs one in liveaction.

She's literally so gorgeous

[skaruresonic]

you want to know how bad I am at building things, I once failed my way to an A in tech class

we had to build egg crash carts - little wooden cars meant to house an egg, which would be sent down a ramp and collide into a concrete wall:

your grade was determined by the angle at which the egg finally cracked. kids made really good carts and still took a hit to their final grade because of the egg cracking at the 45-degree incline, something I was absolutely dreading.

being a total dunce at woodworking, I created what I was certain at the time to be an F-tier egg crash cart. I handed it in late; it was basically an unpainted, unsanded, unpolished plank of wood with wheels attached.

on top I had glued a cardboard box and stuffed the inside with cottonballs. this thing was so pitiful that the lid wouldn't even completely close on top; I had to tie it shut with a string.

and yet, for reasons that still befuddle me, the egg survived collision at every tier, up to the highest tier of a near straight drop. both me and the teacher were like

[hikari-drkspc]

❅ “You're Mine” ❅

character: yandere! bakugou katsuki [boku no hero academia]

warning: yandere, slight violence ; MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DNI, PUT YOUR AGE IN BIO/PINNED POST TO INTERACT

words: 1k

a/n: this is a repost from my main blog (@/hikari-writes) so yes this writing is old + bad, i just moved them here w/o editing bc im lazy and wants to keep reminding myself how bad my writing used to be <3 this was a request too! Sort of related to this post,,,,

“Hey, Bakugou! That’s MY egg rolls!!”

Kaminari protests at Bakugou who just stole his dish right in front of his eyes.

“Shut up, dunce face! You don’t know how to appreciate good food!”

Bakugou shoves away Kaminari’s face and starts to chomp on the stolen egg rolls.

You just stare at their antics with a wry smile on your face. You’re surprised these two never got bored of arguing about this stuff every time you come to their dorms.

You don’t exactly know what causes it, but lately, Bakugou’s been more aggressive on stealing food from Kaminari. He has done this several times before but recently, it just seems different than usual.

You weren’t even kidding when you said that Bakugou stole about 75 percent of Kaminari’s food each time you brought him one.

While you appreciate the fact Bakugou holds the food you make to such high regard, you’re not exactly sure what he meant when he said Kaminari doesn’t know how to “appreciate” good food. It’s not as if Kaminari doesn’t enjoy your cooking or anything. In fact, he seems tremendously upset when Bakugou stole his food.

Maybe Bakugou just wanted more of your food but was too shy to admit to that so he stole Kaminari’s food instead and covered it up by saying he “doesn’t know how to appreciate good food”.

That’s what you originally had thought anyway.

Today, Bakugou has stolen at least 80 percent of Kaminari’s food and you’re starting to feel bad for the electric boy. You take one of your egg rolls and bring it closer to Kaminari’s face.

“Open wide, honey~”

You jokingly said in a motherly tone. Kaminari has always been like a younger brother to you and sometimes he also makes your female motherly instincts kick in, so it’s always natural for you to act like that sometimes around him. Kaminari himself understands your intentions when doing this, so it’s not as if what you’re doing is considered flirting or anything.

But a certain spiky-haired blondie isn’t taking what you’re doing as some kind of motherly gesture.

Oh, no. It’s far from that. In his eyes, it almost feels like flowers are growing in the background as you’re about to feed Kaminari.

And he isn’t liking it one bit.

So he did what felt like the right thing to do in the heat of the moment.

Boom!

You and the Bakusquad members all turn to Bakugou who’s facing the table he just exploded using his quirk. You look at him in great concern, wondering what suddenly got into him for him to suddenly blow the table like that.

“Bakugou? You okay?”

At this point, all attention is directed towards him but he still refuses to face any of you. You heard him mumbling something under his breath, but even when you’re sitting next to him, it’s still hard to comprehend what exactly he was saying.

“Sorry, what was—”

Before you got the chance to ask him what he was saying, he suddenly stood up and yanked your hand, forcibly making you stand up.

You wince in pain and look at him in confusion. Kirishima wastes no time and starts to stand up as well when he saw what Bakugou did to you.

“Hey, Bakugou, why did you do that? That’s no way to treat a girl.”

He looks at him in disapproval. Bakugou stays silent with his head still facing down. You’re starting to get scared of him at this point. Mina takes notice of your discomfort and starts to approach you two.

“F-for now, just, let go of her hand…”

In no time at all, Bakugou abruptly takes off with his iron grip still around your wrist. You almost fall as a result of losing your balance but his grip on you helps keep your balance.

This took everyone by surprise, but none of them made any effort to stop him. Rather, it’s more like everyone doesn't dare to stop him. Without you noticing, before Bakugou took off, he had sent a menacing glare directed towards the others. It was unlike his usual glare that they’re so used to. No…this time, it looks genuinely threatening.

The glare almost felt like a silent warning from him to not follow the two of you. They were glued to their seats as soon as they saw it. You don’t bother to question why your friends didn’t come after you since you’re too busy trying to match with Bakugou’s rapid footsteps.

~~**~~

“Bakugou! Hey, what’s wrong?! Let me go!”

You desperately try to pull back your wrist but he continues to ignore your apparent discomfort and pleas.

After dragging you for God knows how long, he finally stops and as if dragging you so suddenly wasn’t enough, he then slams your body to a wall and grabs both your shoulders, completely trapping you.

You grimaced in pain at the roughness of his grips. His nails felt like they’re digging into your skin, making you glare up at him. You’re starting to lose your temper at the explosive boy but your mouth was kept shut when you saw the look in his eyes.

His expression is so cold and unreadable. His eyes are glinting dangerously, making you feel scared more than angry at him.

“Did you think you can just do that and expect to get away with it?”

He asks in a low, grumbling voice. You look at him in confusion.

“Do what? What do you mean?"

"Flirting with that dunce face.”

This made your confusion grew. Since when were you flirting with Kaminari? Rather, why is he so disturbed by the thought of it? In the heat of the moment, you let your anger and frustration get the better of you and reply to him with the last thing you’re supposed to reply with.

“Even if I did, what is it to you? It’s not as if you’re my boyfriend or anything, so why do you care?”

“Because you’re fucking MINE, Y/N.”

He hissed these words while his nails keep digging into your skin. You yelped in pain at his painful clutch. It took you a while to process what he had just said because of the pain but once it did, you look at him in disbelief.

“What the…”

“What, did I stutter? I said you’re MINE. And you forever will be, whether you like it or not.”

[gingersnaptaff]

Treat!

Had fuckin scroll through the gwyn story to get to my favourite bit but hot-digguty damn here we go!

'Dylan waved one hand at me, as brown as driftwood, in joy. His white teeth were borne in a smile, his yellow curls rustled by the wind, and Pryderi and Cigfa beckoned me over, their arms outstretched, their voices raised.

Blood pounded in my ears as I took off in a flying run down the hill, stumbling over my feet in my haste to see them. 

“Gwyn!” It was Dylan who I had eyes for first. His cheeks flowered with buds of pink, the colour of coral, and his left eye had swollen since I had last seen him. It was the size of a bird’s egg, the skin the dark black of a sea swell, yet his smile had not diminished in cheer. “Are you alright?”

“I should ask the same of you!”  My voice was thick with temper, and I railed my fists down upon him, utterly forgetting that he was taller and broader than I. “You – you arse! You fool! You thick-headed dunce!”

“Gwyn!” He laughed. It was the sound of the sea against the shore, husky and warm. “You’re pretty when you’re angry! But don’t hit me there – that’s where uncle bruised me! I’m sorry for leaving.”

“You should be!” I continued, uncaring of his apology. I was so close to him that I could see the freckles that dusted his nose.  “Four days! Four! I’d feared that something had happened! I thought that you had been dragged off by – by some – some underwater beast! I – I worried for you, and then you just come back with a breezy smile and nary an apology for me!”'

[yuriayuria]

the fun thing about getting your egg cracked well into adulthood is looking back at all the obvious signs over the years and going "wow i'm a total dunce huh. just a complete bimbo."

[agentrouka-blog]

Hey I hope you don't kill me but have you though about making a rereading project about the world of ice and fire and fire and blood or the dunc and egg novellas. With all the targaryens you would brobably want to jump from a bridge but.....

I have thought about it!

I'm actually getting more tempted to do it, too.

[autisticarmadillo]

The Truth About Roosters

Content warning for animal (chicken) violence and injury mentions (but don't worry, everyone's fine now)

It's a common misconception that you can't have 2 (or maybe just too many? I'm not sure of the specifics of this rumor) roosters in the same flock of chickens.

That might be sort of true for roosters who are introduced to each other later in life. After all, in all species, there's a hierachy (I don't know how to spell that) that needs to be enforced and sometimes reworked whenever a new creature is introduced.

I have 18 chickens. Of those 18, I have...(please hold while I count -- Copper, Vegas, Biter, Rebel, Cinna, Scip, Dancer, Vulture) 8 roosters. Copper and Vegas were two of my original 5 chickens (the other three, hens, are sadly gone from this world). They grew up together as brothers. So over the two years over their lives, there has been plenty of bickering, of course, but there was never any true violence. The one time Vegas did start to get overly aggressive towards Copper, he was removed from the chicken flock and put in with our two guineahens. When we moved him, we did briefly consider keeping this arrangement permanent, but that quickly proved both impossible and unnecessary. While our intention was to simply separate Vegas from the other chickens (while still keeping him nearby, the chickens and the guineas live next to each other), the guineas took it upon themselves to put Vegas in his place. After 1 afternoon with the guineas, Vegas was returned to the chicken coop with a much better attitude. He's still king of the flock and nips all the other roosters into place sometimes, but he's never been violent or overly aggressive ever again.

Cinna, Rebel and Scip were all hatched from the same nest of 9 eggs. Also growing up together, we don't have issues with their behavior towards each other. Dancer and Biter hatched from a smaller nest of 5 a few months later, and again, we don't have behavior or aggression issues.

There has only ever been 1 other instance of violence in the flock (well, technically 2, but it was the same rooster responsible, so I count it as 1). Vulture had attacked Rebel first, but we didn't know it right away. All we was was an injured Rebel (he's okay, don't worry). And it was only Rebel. Rebel gets his name because he's then one that'll wander off by himself and too far for comfort and safety, so we thought he simply got into something or got attacked by a weasel or mink. It was only a few weeks later that my mom caught Vulture attacking Biter and we realized that had to be what happened to Rebel too. So Biter was checked for injuries (he had none) and Vulture was isolated from the flock. After 3 days in solitary on the back porch, he was returned to the flock. This was months ago now and we haven't had any issues since.

So the short version of all that is: Roosters, like all creatures, will fight for dominance and order. It's the natural way of things. But raise them together and/or teach them right, and, like all creatures, the violence can be discouraged and corrected.

Okay, making this post made me realize...I have 8 roosters, which means I have 10 hens, BUT SOMEHOW I GOT 11 EGGS IN ONE DAY?! Now I'm suspicious one of my roosters is actually a hen and I'm just a dunce....