#dude i don't fucking know anymore
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sometimes i wake up and think to myself "i really should talk to a doctor about my chronic joint problems" and today is very much one of those days
#joint pain and back pain#dude i don't fucking know anymore#there's a good chance i have genetic connective tissue issues#which would explain shit but also UGH#personal
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tbh i think the transmisogyny problem on this site is so widespread at this point that nothing short of a complete overhaul of moderation protocol is going to fix it. the current system as outlined by that guy on staff whos digging his own grave rn is apparently purely based on responding to user-submitted support tickets, which relies on A) the users on this site having enough trust in the moderators to believe that submitting a support ticket might actually make some sort of difference, and B) the users on this site not WEAPONIZING that same support ticket system to unfairly target users who they dislike for personal reasons. Neither of these conditions were likely to be met even BEFORE staff had multiple scandals regarding unfair moderation of transfeminine users' content, and any trust that users may have had in that system has been completely eroded now. If staff GENUINELY wants to address this problem, they need to be proactive about it. there are plenty of tags where these people are known to gather. There is literally an entire third-party browser extension dedicated to flagging unsafe individuals. It's not like they're difficult to find. We've seen pretty clearly that staff has the ability to nuke blogs and tags entirely. The fact that they won't even HIDE tags like #radfem, #terfs please interact, etc. shows that they don't actually have any intention of making this site safer for trans women. they just want everyone to shut up about it. Even just removing the ability for terfs to find each other on this site could make a huge difference, but rather than do the bare minimum staff has decided to let one guy make whiny excuses and very loudly and publicly misgender a trans woman who they nuked for no reason. fucking embarrassing fr
#'we rely on user submitted tickets' buddy i don't know a single trans person who even bothers reporting terfs anymore#because we KNOW you won't do anything even if we do. one click to block is easier than a full support ticket especially if the ticket is#fucking USELESS#personal#edit: THE GUY IS THE CEO??? HOOOOLY SHIT DUDE PLEASE LET YOUR LAWYERS DO THE TALKING AT LEAST
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The worst part about trying to figure out what Crocodile's deal is that because he's so fucking irredeemably evil in Alabasta... Like... Yeah he's just irredeemably evil. Like I love him but he did cause countless casualties, a ton of pain and suffering and literally attempted to blow up a million people
Like no amount of theoretical "trying to do it to save his son from the Government" or "trying to stop the Government from hurting anyone else" or just "doing it for the greater good" is going to make him any less of a mass murderer
But also Robin absolutely 100% helped with all of that shit simply because she wanted to read the Poneglyph for herself.
No amount of her intending to betray Crocodile from the begining and sabotaging his plans erases the fact that Robin also caused countless people to starve to death and die in the civil war. Her sabotages only succeeded out of sheer luck, and only spared the lives of the people at the final battle. She has the blood of countless innocents on her hands. Because she wanted to read history.
But her crimes were swept under the rug because she has a sad backstory and her sabotages worked out just at the nick of time by sheer dumb luck
So Croc??? Just??? Is there a chance??? At all???
But also he did literally intend to sell Buggy into slavery
Like, fuck Buggy, but jesus
What's also killing me is that we like. Don't know what Luffy thinks of Crocodile right now. Which really is like. The thing that will decide how we, as the readers, are supposed to feel about Crocodile. Luffy is our POV
Like we don't know what Luffy's opinion of Crocodile is after he helped save Luffy (and spared Ace once) during the Summit War. Like Luffy clearly fucking hated the man in Impel Down and the two interactions they had during the War weren't like positive (in the sense that Luffy himself didn't think of the interactions as particularly positive. Defending Whitebeard from being attacked once and then being like "wait what HIM?!" when Crocodile defended Ace. To be fair, in the midst of the chaos, there wasn't much time to spend on Pondering On Such Things because Ace needed to be saved, and Oda goes out of his way to not show us what's going on inside Luffy's head, because it's all meant to be out in the open anyways. Regardless, these weren't like "yay it's Crocodile! :)" moments for Luffy is what I mean)
But also Luffy was very grateful of Law for saving his life and was willing to put his trust into Law for their alliance- of course, they weren't explicitly enemies to begin with, rivals at most, but still. Luffy respects those who help him.
But also Luffy grew during the timeskip. Like he's not that clueless anymore (like he finally understands Hancock is in love with him etc), and similarly Luffy gets that Buggy is an absolute loser now. But also Buggy did also help save Luffy's life (even if it was by accident), and while IDK if Luffy is aware of that, I don't think that helped improve Luffy's impression of Buggy
So like. The fuck does Luffy think of Crocodile, at this moment? Even with the Cross Guild reveal, he didn't even really comment on Croc and just focused his energy on being confused about Buggy being "the leader" of CG. IDK it feels almost intentional or something, that we don't know what Luffy thinks?? Especially since we did get Zoro's opinion on Mihawk in the situation?? Or am I delulu?? (Sidenote. I'd love to know what Robin would have to say about Crocodile helping save Luffy's life. What Jinbei might think of the final words Crocodile left him with before blasting them out of Akainu's reach. But mainly just Robin's thoughts)
Like IDK my best guess would be that Luffy still hates Crocodile just the same but is like grossed out by technically owing him one??? In the classic
-kinda way, you know? And that he'd be just kinda confused about it?
Because I can't fucking imagine Luffy being like "oh we're cool now" with Crocodile, let alone "Yay Crocodile :) He saved my life!". But also like. Luffy does kind of owe Croc one. Kind of. And Luffy is usually very respectful of that kind of thing. Aaaaaaaa???
(Also does. Does Luffy even know it was Crocodile who yeeted him and Jinbei out of Akainu's reach to begin with. 'Cause he was unconcious. Knocked the fuck out. Does. Does Luffy even know. Did anybody tell him???)
I just.
There's the reasonable part of me that knows Crocodile is an irredeemable evil dickbag and everything he has ever said and done up to the most recent chapters support that. He is too far gone.
And then there's the absolutely delulu part that loves a tragic villian who gets a heartwrenching redemption that's looking for any fucking sign that could indicate Crocodile could maybe be one
#Moon posting#OP Meta#OP Spoilers#Sir Crocodile#Crocodad#Haunted by thoughts of one (1) evil middle aged man#IDK I was rereading Punk Hazard today while on the train and just. God there's like no difference between Alabasta Croc and Ceasar#I mean there is but no there isn't. Dude was doing essentially the same shit just this time with much more child abuse#And we all agree that Ceasar is scum of the earth and irredeemable.#But also he was doing everything PURELY out of self-interest without ANY sad backstory to counter balance it#I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE MAN I AM LOSING MY MARBLES#Kuma Flashback I Love You but I need to know what the fuck is happening with Crocodile so bad pleeeaaase#There's also like that note about Kuma saying he'd be wiling to make a deal with the devil just to protect his daughter#And If Crocodad Real. What a greater evolution of that but being wiling to BECOME the devil himself to protect your child#Also sorry about the Buggy slander but also not sorry. All that man is good for is being a punching bag for comedy as far as I'm concerned#He's very funny I'll give you that. And I'm looking forward to him and Shanks getting married
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#I'm sorry I'm behind on asks I feel like it never fucking ends#can't talk to family about it. they worry too much. cant talk to friends about it. they just start giving unwarranted (well meaning) advice#and plus they basically live with me atp with how often they're over helping me fuck do I do?? bother them more??#dude it's embaressing even if it's not chronic shit it's just unlucky shit like how u gonna have an allergic reaction & then seizure same d#idk about therapy therapists scare me. it's not a therapy issue though I'm just tired and in pain all the fucking time#one more person says “same omg” or “well have you tried-” i will start cutting peoples throat and eating their livers#you do NOT know what it's like having to write your own will before 30 like this shit aint right shit aint fair#makes me petty and shit too people who are healthy like can you just fucking suffer why do you get that freedom but not me#it just never ends#like I really fucking hate it when people say “oh you have so much to live for” because no I don't#Not so sound like a right winger gosh dang god fearer but like deadass people focus so heavily on “mental health!!” they don't#realize even if you feel better and get therapy or shit that's not gonna be realistically helpful for anything physical going on in sm#it's a cycle even if you manage 1 thing - the medications cause a 2nd thing#and that's alongside all the OTHER things you take medications for which cause all those other things#it's like multiplying and makes your body slowly deplete but like never quite die. like I know realistically I can just die anyday#and yeah it is getting worse but it's no different because it's not about that#when you're sick it's not just “OMG DYING!!!” it's like. everything else in your life dies.#you can't cook for yourself. you can't clean. you can't move. you can't hang out with people anymore. you can barely work LMFAO.#I'm REALLY close to quitting it's not even funny lmao. cant put clothes on without struggling.#do people not know it's. physically impossible. to even eat sometimes. just vomit it all up or seize.#yeah it does make me petty#rant
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bro i'm getting so fed up with doctors & the medical system i stg
they never take my concerns about being autistic seriously (bc i think that's the ROOT of my fucking depression & anxiety) and say it's a possibility but clearly not severe if i'm here communicating with them, like????? bro i'm FORCING myself here ok, fuck off. and apparently?? after my psych evaluation the psychiatrist wrote about autism as a possibility but thinks adhd is more likely but DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO ME ABOUT IT the appointment was MONTHS ago and i'm just finding out NOW during a medication follow up??? like yeah i got put on adhd meds but i keep getting told it's to help with energy levels & focus not SPECIFICALLY TO MANAGE ADHD SYMPTOMS and i'm not being directed to an assessment or w/e to confirm an actual diagnosis
i'm gonna fucking scream. i hate it here. i just want to KNOW what's wrong so i can keep working to accommodate myself bc focusing solely on the depression and anxiety is NOT working it has NEVER worked bc i always end up right back here and ajdkglsjgldh
#i'll be slamming my head against the wall on repeat if anyone needs me. i have never left an appointment more frustrated.#am i not making things clear enough??? am i not getting deep enough into my history???#i don't fucking KNOW anymore dude but i'm sick of this shit#excuse the rant I'm just. so fucking frustrated right now holy shit#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.#personal cw
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I am so mad about how desperately into pan I am. he was specifically made to fuck me up. they dangled him in front of me like 'hey would you like to see a sad clown trickster with emotional intimacy issues and a heart of, if not gold, then some mysterious alloy with qualities not at all unlike those of gold at the end of the day?' and I went 'boy would I!' and now I'm lost. I'm on my knees he's like if reyes vidal was actually redeemable instead of just a 'release my man he did do all of that but I don't care' situation
#the way he seems so genuinely *delighted* by grace finding her voice and wants her to be able to make her music again#even when she's not the muse anymore............ what the fuck that is the sweetest thing I've ever heard in my LIFE dude#low-key grace's biggest fan musically at least fhsajkd#stray gods#stray gods pan#(this is not a slam on reyes btw the fact that he's unconscionable is part of the appeal in that specific case lol)#I went into the game mostly blind and from what I had seen I fully intended to romance freddie#and then... this bitch shows up for literally one song and I have to restart the whole thing before I even get to challenging a queen#because I now desire the goat guy carnally and I want to duet with him for the rest of forever thank u#also I don't think I can ever not romance him now seeing the contrast between what he gets up to in the endings#what do you MEAN if you don't romance him he just goes off and no one knows where he is. he's still just so alone??? no not on my watch#(if freddie is dead ( :( ) and you romance him there's an *adorable* part in the epilogue where he tells you hekate has him running around#getting lost relics back in a series of distinctly indiana jones-esque misadventures and it sounds like he's having the time of his life#if this is what it takes for him to actually talk to his family without anyone being complete dicks about it I must solemnly accept#the terrible burden of kissing him on every single run through of this game. it cannot be helped it's out of my hands now)
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someone on twitter drew the trio Freaking It in duos and then the third one interrupts the other two. they posted horrordust + killer and kist + horror but not horrorkiller + dust and i just gotta say Yeah That Makes Sense. yeaaaah it makes sense that horrorkiller was the one that was "too lewd to post",,,,,,,
#psssssst i need to see the hrkl one. heres 100 bucks#I CANT TRANSLATE IT BECAUSE THEY USED A MASSIVE WATERMARK BUT THE ART ITSELF IS ENOUGH TO TELL#jnl25398 youre so real.....#jnl do not worry nobody would bat an eye if you drew horror and killer raw dogging it and dust interrupts#keizukogumisuko reposted it thats how you know its peak continuation group content#i love the jp murder time trio fans they dont know it but i support everything they post about#YOU GO!!! POST ANOTHER RAMBLE ABOUT WHO TOPS AND BOTTOMS!!! ILL JUST KEEP GOOGLE TRANSLATE OPEN OK :3333#theyre always talking about the dreamswap creepypasta squad over there and i'm TEMPTED but also#i fear for my life. because i think ds!dust or bobby is a KID??? idk.....#wait nvm he's 18!! nvm!!!!#still. whatever i guess#randy's just 25 why do people refer to him as an old ass bitch????#aaactually waaaait hold on.... creepypasta squad thoughts taking over#I NEED TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THEM WAIT#WHY ARE THEY FEATURED IN A GOOGLE DOC ROLEPLAY CALLED THE MAWWIED SAGA I NEED TO RESD THIS WAIT#i hate the way that theyre all humans in this au#and the way that the au has nothing to do w utmv anymore#NOT THAT ITS BAD its just kinda weird.......like dude why is hacker's name THEODORE???#ok i knew that something was off about the creepypasta squad that i wouldn't like. randy considers bobby his son#FUCK!!! FUCK!!! nah i'm sorry i can't ever picture horror seeing dust as his son nvm#maybe i can appreciate from the sidelines..... maybe the creepypasta squad will be my gateway into familial mtt hcs....... i dont know#i'm done with dreamswap for the day i cant#tricule rant#OH SHIT WAIT I FORGOT THIS AU WAS AN EXCUSE FOR THEM TO SHIP DREAMMARE TOO. EW#nvm. creepypasta squad i'll take you 3 all away from this don't worry you're safe in my arms.....#gives randy a new flannel. pets bobby on the head. gives hacker some chocolate or something idk#man...... my trio has to be RUINED by association of dreammare. this sucks balls
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Hi I'm mad
#this is the only place I can vent about My Hero stuff#I'm so pissed that Toga is dead it's so fucked up#like everything about it is so fucked up#it started with Jin being killed#all he wanted to do was protect his friends#but Hawks mercilessly killed him while he begged for his life#and then in the big battle Toga didn't get to kill Hawks and avenge her friend#and that scum gets to live and continue being a hero#and then Toga dies too while characters with significantly worse injuries somehow survive#like are you shitting me she dies when DABI survived???#dude is a charcoal skeleton there's no fucking way he should be alive#and Uraraka went through this whole deal of questioning heroes' actions because of what Toga said to her#Toga and Uraraka finally reaching an understanding and bonding just for Toga to die is such garbage#Toga wanted to be accepted and she found it in the League#then had to watch her friends all die when all most of them wanted was just a better society#but she could have stayed with Uraraka#it would have been so much more meaningful if Toga had lived and inspired Uraraka to go into like social work#helping people who were outcasts because of their quirks#working with Toga who also knew about Spinner and Jin and Shigaraki's experiences#it's just disgusting and shows that the author doesn't understand his own world#it honestly also gives off homophobia#like he had these little glimmers of queer rep with Magne and Toga#but Magne was brutally killed#Toga died after the briefest gay moment with her and Uraraka#plus we know Jin was an ally because he threatened to kill another villain for misgendering Magne but Jin died too#honestly the only highlights of this ending for me are that Nagant and Gentle/La Brava got to live and be free#I've read this far but I honestly don't know if I care enough to finish now that Toga is seemingly confirmed dead#this is why I don't pick up shonen manga or anime anymore#toga himiko#ochako uraraka
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okay weird q incoming but what ways do you think speedsters can get sick? Like to my understanding, they can’t really come down with normal virus’ like the flu, right? But they could get things like chronic migraines?
NANOBOTS!!! This is one of the best pieces of canon lore ever. I did a whole post on it but TLDR: normal human metabolisms have so much shit going on that they don't even notice nanobots in their body BUT speedsters have hyper accelerated metabolisms that are the equivalent of the straight A's overachiever in school on meth. So speedster metabolisms do notice nanobots and they attack full force, triggering all of the body's defenses and responses.
But the nanobots are metal so it obviously doesn't do anything. It just leaves the speedster lethargic, feverish, vomiting, dizzy, with a headache, sore muscles and a runny nose, ect. It's basically an allergic reaction.
Now, poisoning them can work depending on what the poison is/what the dosage is. You would need a 100% fatal poison and you would need a fairly high dose. Because speedsters heal fast and they have a hyper accelerated metabolism, so any poison that is based on toxicity (alcohol poisoning for example) would be out of their system faster than it could even take effect.
But poisons that can't be cleared out/processed by the body (take cyanide for example, it binds with the chemical receptors in your body making it physically impossible to use oxygen) wouldn't really be affected by their metabolism at all. So while the speedsters could heal the damaged tissues from these poisons fairly quickly (making it seem as though they were only slightly affected) they would ultimately need time to do so, time they would not have if it kills them first. This isn't technically what you are asking because there would be no substance that 'makes them sick', there would only be 'fine', 'not fine for like a minute and then fine again' and 'dead'. (... unless they were hooked up to a steady supply of the toxin)
Likewise, (this is getting more into theoretical territory, less canon) there might be some illnesses that would affect them? Not for long but if you got something super fucking fatal like Rabies, it might make them display mild cold symptoms for a day or something.
I don't know though. They have really fucking good immune systems. And even super fatal diseases can be fought. Take my example of Rabies, while it is commonly thought to be 100% fatal once symptoms show up there actually have been cases of people surviving it. Rabies is a very stealthy and fast disease, so the main problem with treating it is that your body's immune system isn't fast enough to stop it. People have survived by being placed in medically induced comas (slowing their bodily functions and thus the disease) for long enough that the medication can eradicate it. So for a speedster? That's gone in a minute tops. You would need an insane disease that I'm not sure even exists.
There's also like... pregnancy and menstruation. Growing pains, muscle pain from running is a BIG ONE, being dehydrated/starvation, blood loss, ect. Lots of ways to fuck with a speedster in a way they can't immediately fix.
There are also speedster specific ailments. It's basically 50/50 if a natural born speedster gets a weird highly fatal aging disease. Sometimes speedsters can be born without a kinetic energy shield which makes using their powers at all incredibly fatal to them. All speedsters will have connectivity issues at some point that can be fatal. Sometimes Time Gets Bad™ (shout out to when Barry kept chronically stealing time from people/things every time he used his powers). Sometimes they have too much energy and can't maintain human form (shout out to when Wally didn't know what the speedforce was and was accidentally cosplaying Ghost Rider). Velocity 9 is a highly addictive drug that works on speedsters and makes them display typical addiction behavior (and withdrawal). V9 can also cause a speedster to 'overdose' (burst into flames/lightning/energy). They all have the constant urge to yeet themselves into the speedforce. Ect.
#here's the thing: they are made of speedforce but its not a skin deep thing. you feel me? like their CELLS are made of speedforce#so all shit still affects them#i keep saying that they don't need oxygen or food to survive and thats true but its only if they're actively compensating with speedforce#cause they can get energy from the speedforce or they can get energy from oxygen and food or both. they can't do neither#and they don't really *know* or understand that theyd be fine with JUST speedforce energy. they still think they need oxygen and food#so if they were suffocating or something they might instinctively crank up the speedforce to compensate but they're also very stupid#so they might just die. idk it really depends on who it is how much they know and how much SF they're drawing on#cause like... energy beings need energy yo#i hope this makes sense#the muscle pain one is interesting cause Wallys early runs are really big on the whole hitting the wall thing#he would hit a wall that he physically couldn't break through and it caused him a lot of pain.#some of that was not being hooked up properly cause Wally wasn't hooked up properly until he was an ADULT#because he is FUCKING INSANE and he just went 'huh i guess this is my limit and i will stay below it' liKE AN INSANE PERSON#anyway some of it was SF issues and some of it was mental but he actually got really really hurt anytime he got close to the wall#REALLY bad muscle pain. and like... it was potentially extremely fatal. 'breaking down your body into little bits' fatal#he doesn't get that anymore because hes properly hooked up now but jfc that man treated 'entering the death zone' like it was#the high score to beat at his local arcade. he took it as a fucking challenge. absolutely insane dude right there
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officially on vacation (don't leave until wednesday, but no more work!) and i'm happy happy happy BUT it's also like. there is some stuff happening at work that i'm soooo nosy about and i don't want to have to wait until i come back to hear about it lmfao.
#just stupid drama#i really wanna know if the guy we all HATE finally quits or not#there was an. altercation.... at work the other day#the coworker he's been shit talking came in early and was like heyyyy can we talk?#and he tried to get out of it like 5 times lmfao#he was like oh our manager was going to set up a meeting in A FEW WEEKS....#and she was like oh we can just talk now!! i'm here and i'd love to speak to you :-)#he was like ummm i can't stay late!!! and she was like oh there's an hour left on your shift! we can talk right now! :-)#fucking hilarious. he did not want to be confronted and thought he could get out of it but she's kind of insane so that is not happening#and the thing is too he was literally MOMENTS before complaining to us that he didn't know why she was mad that he was talking about her#because he NEVER talked about her! and everyone was LYING!#and i was like dude. you're talking about her RIGHT NOW.#it's lowkey sad though bc he has two 'friends' at work that i know for a fact have gone to the manager and told him that they don't#want to work w him anymore and complained about his work performance#and apparently that somehow came out and he's convinced that the manager is lying about it. but he's not... lol.#so it's just so sad that no one is being honest with him#lmfao i understand though bc i personally have been honest with him and called him out (VERY GENTLY) and he gets sooo pissy about stuff#but like i'm not pretending to be his friend!#anyways i'm sooo nosy about it lmfaooooo#on instagram he blocked me and like all of our coworkers but two lmfao#but i know both of them hate him so idk why he didn't block them too#lmfao like literally everyyyyyyy single person i work with dislikes him#so yeah i'm hopeful that it's finally over lmfao#this is the same guy i posted about before who bullied my favorite coworker into leaving so.#yeah i really hope he's gone now
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Does anyone know where I can find the good quality version of this image? It's so frustrating because when cross searching on google it'll tell me the original quality is 850x478, but I can't find a way to download it in that quality. This is another version of the image (I'm guessing it's Mayoi promo art):
But I liked the clean white background one...
#It's cute...#It's got Akutagawa stealing glances at Atsushi#Thought asking was worth a try ;;;;;;#Google cross image search has changed and as someone who used it as I use breathing it's been absolutely heartbreaking.#It makes cross searching images so much harder it's awful#Because before when you looked up an image it suggested you the best quality avaible of that image.#And the search got worse every year but it was still functional you know??#But now there's not that anymore. There's no “large” “medium” “small” and instead it only gives you “find image source”#Dude I don't want to find the image source. I've downloaded the image I KNOW the source. What I want is ANOTHER SOURCE with better quality#And I used to get it when I was 10 and I used to get it when I was 15 and I sued to get it when I was 20#And now I don't have it anymore?? It stripes away one of the most powerful search tools on the internet from the public????#It drives me insane. Like why does internet get worse every year that's not how humanity is supposed to work#Sorry. I needed to rant. This makes every quality-freak media archivist (like me) job harder beyond comparison#Btw if you're looking for an alternative Yandex images still does the work... It's not as powerful search engine as google#and it's often going to miss the particular hidden media (y'know- super niche Akutagawa merch from 2018 and stuff)#But for the rest it does a pretty good job. If anything there's still the best quality avaible option#But seriously looking up stuff for aktgw-daily has gotten so much harder ever since this fucked up change to google lens#and it makes me hate the world. I haven't been able to find a way to reverse it but if anyone more tech savy than me who has any idea-#what I'm talking about can help me. Please please hmu I'll be grateful forever#Sorry for the rant I have a lot of pent up rage over this. Stop making broke people's lives harder challenge#random rambles
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I briefly mentioned Quintil in the tags of one of my posts but like some of my OCs strike the right part of my brain and he's one of them. I literally made this dude on a whim but I love him to death. What ISN'T there to love about a vampire dilf and his adopted daughter who acts like a feral cat not to mention Quill being a PRIME CANDIDATE for angsty old man yaoi
#☆ — riri says.#he's such a dude I love him#he's a vnc oc I made when I reread the manga#and he got an adopted daughter to go with him#I love them both#they're so cute and silly#she basically adopted him really LMAO#he's partially deaf and like#Skuld who is his daughter#she lost her sneak ability for him#cause she knows he likes to hear her#he likes to hear her happy and playing#so she solves this by being loud as FUCK#the explosions she causes can't get louder#but he's now able to mistake her falling out of bed for an explosion she caused#she's also just generally unhinged#but he's a former bourreau#I don't think anything can phase him anymore
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ppl always say that autistics don't get jokes but honestly when has a neurotypical person ever clocked the fact that I've told a clearly telegraphed joke like. I'm the one who takes everything too seriously?
#like one time i was playing mario party with some (ex)friends#and someone said something abt 'i should be winning bc im playing as a princess' clearly joking right#so i tried to add on with a CLEARLY joking voice like 'um acktually im playing a GODDESS so'#like i was clearly talking in a dumb voice for the joke#and everyone was like 'don't be like that dude you're being too egotistical abt this :/' LIKE WHERE WAS I BEING SERIOUS THERE#ALSO. I DID NOT START THAT JOKE??? AND I WAS IN *THIRD PLACE* LIKE I WASN'T GETTING A FUCKING EGO WHAT???#anyway i don't talk to any of those people anymore bc they did this on multiple occasions#like can. can we PLEASE learn how to do a 'yes and'#everyone else would get to participate with jokes! but when i tried i was 'getting too serious abt it' TELL ME WHERE THAT SOUNDED SERIOUS#but nooooo autistic people don't KNOW how to be funny right!!!!#shut up im the most hilarious person in the room you all just hate disabled ppl#(they did. they did hate disabled ppl. once i started getting too physically disabled leave my house they all ghosted me)#like i was like 'hey can we maybe hang out at my place since i can't leave my bed much'#and would either be told 'no i don't feel like hanging out today' (when they were talking abt plans to hang out already??)#or 'sorry i don't like ur apartment for (arbitrary reason)'#and they were arbitrary reasons bc they were fine with other friends' houses that had the same 'problems'#and like they'd just constantly tell me to my face that i was boring or awkward to be around#like maybe I'm boring bc you make an effort not to include me ever so i never know what's going on?#and like. it's not like they ever made an effort to learn abt us. when we tried and tried so many times to come out abt things#we'd literally get no response then get our messages steamrolled by a new conversation hours later#and ppl would be like 'i didn't see those!' YOU were the one who spammed my messages out of the chat dude
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to whatever vengeful kindergartener gave me the bubonic plague for threatening to put an imaginary playground guardian in front of the slide and close it all of next week because too many people were climbing up it and not waiting their turn...i will tell the slide guardian to stand down, just pls...Please take this CURSE off me
#nina speaks#hoooooly shit i'm so sick you guys#like idk what child coughed near me and gave me THE PLAGUE but i actually feel like i am going to die#this is so horrible holy fuuuuck i dont even know what it is dude i took a hoevid test and everything its not that#please you can have the slide back i promise#i will give you another chance i don't want to be sick anymore#my everything hurts like what the actual fuck
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Tomorrow is my first ✨️jour fixe✨️ for that journal i'm supposed to be responsible for from next week on. Upsetting.
#i don't wanna#and also i haven't signed any contract yet so what if i don't want to do it? what then huh?#i haven't been asked or included in this decision making process#i can still say fuck no#especially if they don't get me a new contract before september starts#this is so ridiculous#this manager has no concept of how anything works and my beloved colleague has tried everything to talk some reason into him#evidently without any success#also in the meeting description (on teams) the manager/boss wrote 'we also wanna officially welcome [my name] to the team <3'#that dude hasn't talked to me about this at all. if it wasn't for my colleague i still wouldn't know what the fuck my position in 'the team'#will be. I'd just assume I'd be helping out lmao#the <3 destroyed me. the fucking audacity#whatever it'll pass and i don't even care anymore#sure. give me [BIG] journal without me having Any training on how to manage that. see what happens <3#void screams#work stuff
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I just hope this fucking month will be done soon because I can't anymore with it. It felt like fifteen months long instead of the normal 31 days long.
#and i'm constantly in pain like i haven't had a moment of peace since i got back#and i'm down to the last two pills of the first prescription and the second one has to run all the way to the last week of october#bc my fucking doctor doesn't want to prescribe me more :)))))))))#ohhh and side effect of actually taking two pills a day? they do nothing and i'm spaced out beautifully for 2 to 4 hours :))))#and i'm sleeping like 8 1/2 to 10 hours a night bc i don't know what can't anymore#and mr. dude is making me do stuff i don't understand and he wants them yesterday and i end up cryin' bc i'm so fuckin' frustated#i'm literally tired of being awake already#personal~#just need to rant a lil
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