#dry ass dog fur

[tommytomatoe]

i just know asher has the most brittle, dry hair out of everyone in the pack. like you have coconut oil david and jojoba oil milo shining and glossy then just asher, split ends and a smile on his face.

[alteriivik]

A LITTLE MISCHIEF | RAMBLES

a/n: haii :3. recently been wanting a wriothesley rerun, and I've finally finished the archon story quest where he appears so... he has wolf-like features so yknow... why not...

warnings: 908 words, sexual content!! mentions of blood. wounds (claw marks and bites), knotting, breeding, dumbification, overstim, dacryphilia

Sub character panting like a dog in heat, funny because he was getting fucked by a dog—well, humanoid werewolf, but you get the point. He could feel the strong grip of your hands on his hips, which would no doubt leave dark bruises on his already love-marked, littered body—various hickeys and claw marks from his neck to his chest to his thighs. Face down and ass up. The position, arching his back almost perfectly, was a delicious sight to behold the one above him. A mix of some blood, sweat, and even saliva trailing down his body, whether it was from you or from him, he doesn’t know.

In the beginning, he had such confidence. Boldly taking the lead with heated kisses and feathery-light touches. Petting down the fur from your arms and chest, slightly tugging on it mischievously. Letting out loud, whore-ish moans to seduce you. Teasing you. Teasing you, oh so much that you really couldn’t handle it anymore. God, he was a mischievous little one. Had he known what he was getting into, maybe he would’ve been a little more nicer with the teasing.

Later, being dominated by your rough actions. Back being forced to arch as you hold his shoulder down with one hand. Slowly teasing his rim with your fingers before forcing your large digits into him. The head pillow being ruined with saliva and tears from the overstimulation of you continuously finger-fucking him. Although his face seemed more ruined than the pillow. His eyeliner was ruined; his tears made the once neat lines fade, a black line trailing down his cheek and adding a nice touch to the already tear-stained cheeks. He was already so ruined even when you guys have only just begun… but he didn’t know that. ♡♡

The feeling of your dick pushing down into his gaping hole. A prominent bulge appears whenever you push down, and he can only drool as his eyes roll to the back of his head. The feeling of you inside him puts most, if not all, of his toys to shame. He could’ve never expected that his expectations, even as high as they were before this, would be broken so easily. He swore that no amount of nights where he jacked himself off or fucked himself down onto a toy could’ve prepared him from taking the actual thing.

He doesn’t even remember how many times he’s orgasmed. His dick was reddened, still painfully hard. It dripped pre-cum as he went through a dry orgasm yet again from a harsh thrust. The once loud and proud voice he had slowly died down as you continued to pound into him with no breaks in between—continuously splitting him into two even as he begged you not to because he just came. What a cruel wolf you are. Ignoring his cute pleas and sobbing face in favor of fucking his cute, swollen hole to please yourself. I mean, even if he pleads for you not to continue, it’ll only make your mind fuzzy with the thought of breeding him.

The dumbification only worsens when he feels your knot trying to press into him. He lets out a loud mewl, thinking that he couldn’t take it. Even with how much you’ve been stretching him, there was no way such a huge base could fit him.

“A-Ah! nnNGHh~ ♡… n-nOOoo~~ ♡♡…”

He took deep, heavy breaths before he continued pathetically in a lower manner. His voice was whiney and raspy from being used so much. He quickly turned his head back, looking back at you with red, puffy eyes.

“I-It.. aHNn~... w-w… WOn’T~ mFghh~ ♡… won’T fi-fit!! ♡♡♡….”

Poor little guy. If only he knew better than to say those words because it only served to make you even more horny. As you continued to press down, your knot finally popped inside him. And if he could only explain the sudden overwhelming pleasure of the feeling, he would run out of words to use. He lets out a loud moan, a sound so whore-ish he could feel himself burn with embarrassment, not knowing he could make such a sound.

Ahhh… Everything was making him so dizzy. The feeling of your sharp tip digging deep into his depths that his fingers or even his largest of toys couldn’t reach. The low chuckle that rumbled from your chest made his heart flutter and burn. The thick ropes of cum that started to spill inside him, quickly filling him to the brim in a matter of seconds. The kiss you pressed at the nape of his hickey-covered neck. The throbbing dick that was still inside him made him feel even fuller with the cum inside. The soothing motion of your hands caressing his bruised hips and thighs. And the knot? God, even with just that, he could’ve cum so easily. He could already imagine the bulge of his tummy, taking you all the way to the hilt.

Oooh, he’s just came again, the pleasure overwhelming all his senses at the same time. His hands found the strength to grip the damp pillow beneath his head. His mind goes blank as he spurts pathetic thin streaks of cum on the sheets underneath you two. What was once a nice, well-made bed turned into one that’s gone through hell.

Oops, he blacked, but that’s okay. Maybe you guys can do a round after he wakes up in the morning!

He definitely wouldn’t mind it.

@alteriivik | do not steal

[corvidcrossbow]

~•♡•~ Intruders

➳ Summary: Getting moments to yourselves is hard when you have pets (Daryl x Fem!Reader)

➳ Setting: Alexandria, anytime during 6 year timeskip or after

➳ Word count: 1.6k

➳ C/W: Half-assed oral (f!receiving) & p in v

➳ A/N: I just wanted regular casual sex smut (I'm lazy) (By lazy I mean I have like 40 drafts but I'm so busy for the next two weeks I'm going crazy) (I had to take a picture of my own damn socks for this ☠️)

Daryl's hands dragged roughly over your clothed waist, you giggling some against his lips then cheek as he hastily stumbled down the hall with you towards your bedroom, kisses moving down to your jawline as his groping descended to your ass.

“God, sunshine… yer so damn sexy,” He mused, shoving open the door and hitting his heel back against it in an attempt to get it to shut, too focused on peeling your shirt away to take note of any success: closely followed by his own. “Make me need ya so bad.”

Just as he pushed you down, landing you on your back with your legs dangling over the edge of the mattress, a brown blur bounded into the room and up onto the bed.

“Nah-, Dog-.. stop tha’!” Daryl grunted, waving his hand while the shepherd was basically stepping all over you, excitedly wagging his tail and mouth hanging open as he tried to lick your face.

“Hey buddyyy,” You purred, bringing hands to both sides of his head and rapidly scratching the fluffy fur beneath his ears, forcing him back a little so he wasn't directly in your space.

“Don’ indulge him. Want ‘em outta ‘ere!”

“You didn't close the door.” You couldn't hide your playful grin as you sat up, ruffling the dog's scruff and laughing as Daryl scoffed, clapping his hands to try and redirect Dog’s focus from you.

“I tried. Now c'mon … Dog, c'mon. Out.” He patted his back a couple times, earning a look and light cocking of his head. The man raised his eyebrows, snapping his fingers and aggressively pointing towards the exit. “Out.”

Dog turned, nearly hitting you in the face with his tail and jumping from the bed, trotting out of the room as Daryl immediately shut the door behind him. He spun back on his heels, undoing his belt as he'd been intending to before and dropping his jeans to pool on the floor.

He loomed over you, finding your lips in another kiss as he worked the button on yours and helped you wriggle out, hoisting you up the bed so your head rested on the pillows. “See? Got fur all over yer tits. Gon’ have'ah hairball lickin’ it all away.”

“I dunno, maybe you'll be a hot dry-heaver, archin’ yer back ‘n all.”

“Shuddup.” He shook his head, pressing a wet kiss to your neck that cut off your taunting giggle by drawing out a moan. His palms smoothed up the curves of your figure, reaching under and undoing the clasp of your bra before tossing it aside.

“M'tha only one who should be all over these like tha,” Daryl murmured, cupping both breasts and smothering his face between them before taking one of your nipples into his mouth and rolling the other between calloused fingertips.

“Mmm, mhm? They all yours Dixon?” You trilled, to which he gave an affirming grunt and sucked a bit harder, sliding a hand down under the hem of your panties and beginning to circle your clit.

As he was starting to set his rhythm, there was an odd scratching at the door and the sound of metal clicking, before it burst open and Dog came running right back into the room, shoving his maw into Daryl's face and driving him back as he tried to pounce on him.

“How tha hell ya-? Dog, stop.”

You were snickering at this point, propping up on your elbows to watch, Daryl leaning up and straddling you as he tried to ward the canine off. “Did you lock the door?”

He bowed his head a little, failing at obscuring his embarrassment with his hair. “Thought I did…. He'sa dog anyway! Shouldn't be openin’ damn doors..”

“He's a smart dog, baby. Don't know whatcha expect from him.”

“I expect him tah not break in ‘ere like ‘es rabid or sum'thin’,” He huffed, slouching for a moment in defeat before grabbing the dog and gently pushing him off the bed, a little harder when he resisted. “Dog. S'aint gon kill ya tah be outta tha room fer thirty minutes.”

“That's cause he knows ‘thirty minutes’ turns into two hours.” Daryl gave you a look, and you traded back an innocent but knowing smile. He begrudgingly swung his leg to have them on one side, sliding off the bed and forcing Dog with him: placing hands on either side of his chest and literally walking him out of the room, once again closing the door, and putting emphasis on the little ‘clink’ when he set the lock.

He let out an exasperated sigh, resuming his position but skipping ahead on his ministrations, having grown impatient. He hooked fingers around the band of your panties, groaning a little at the way you wiggled while he brought them down, flirtatiously biting your lip and covering your breasts.

“Don’ be actin’ like'ah tease.” He parted your legs, hands feeling over your hips and thighs while he lowered his head and drew a slow lick up your center to spread your folds, openly moaning at the taste.

“Fine. Only now cause Dog's been doin’ it for me,” You chuckled, and the archer just narrowed his brows, grasping harder at your flesh as he traced circles around your clit before lapping again and sucking it into his mouth.

“Ya always so fuckin’ wet for me, always gon’ love tha’,” Daryl hummed, tugging you flush against his mouth and delving into your enterace for a quick moment with the thrust of his tongue. Your fingers wove through the roots of his locks, and his eyes flicked up to meet yours. “You gon’ tell me how good it feels tah have me eat'cher perfect pussy?”

You opened to respond, but were interrupted by an obnoxiously loud whimper outside the door, left saying his name for the wrong reason: “Dar…”

“I know, jus’ ignore it,” He said, voice muffled against you, trying to hone both your attentions only on the feeling of his tongue working your core. But the malinois grew noisier, scratching at the hardwood floor and struggling to shove his nose beneath the small gap in the doorframe.

“Daryl.”

He groaned deeply, placing another kiss to your cunt before releasing his hold and unwinding his arms, going to deal with it. “Ts'aint tha kinda whinin’ I wanna be hearin’.”

Turning the handle just slightly to shoo him, Dog barged right back in again, leaped onto the bed again, and just twirled around with a clueless grin to look back at Daryl, confused with how displeased he appeared. He took steps towards the shepherd, hands out, and Dog growled just a little when he moved to rid you of him.

“Ay! Ts'ma woman! Not yers. Get tha hell outta here ‘nd quit buggin’ me,” The man snapped, Dog completely unphased as if the frustration in his tone didn't resonate at all. Daryl gave up and grumbled something under his breath, going to the top drawer of your shared dresser and retrieving a pair of his socks.

He dangled it in the air, the pup immediately locking in on it like he was hypnotized. He barked once, excitedly following as Daryl walked down the hall and threw the bundle down the stairs, which was essentially throwing them into the pits of Hell. Far too many pairs of his socks had met grim fates when Dog would steal them from the laundry, either of you finding him later surrounded by shreds of fabric. But the sacrifice was necessary.

“Lemme have sum damn privacy when Ah'm with yer ma!” He shouted down the steps as that brown flash scurried to descend them. He scoffed again and how simply Dog'd abandoned his efforts, then returned to you, closing the door and locking it once more.

“You finally get him gone?” You taunted as Daryl discarded his boxers and settled over top of you and between your legs once more, silencing your amused remarks as his mouth found yours. You latched your arms around his neck, bringing him close to deepen the kiss as he slicked the tip of his near weeping cock between your folds, edged by all the disturbances.

He waited for a few seconds, like he expected something more, then thrusted into you, head falling to your chest with a pleasure-filled exhale. He maintained the stillness, another beat passing.

“Jus’ go, angel. He's distracted,” You reassured him with a kiss to his hairline, and slowly he pulled back before rocking in again. Daryl kept a steady hand on your hip, the other propping him up by your shoulder as he began to relax, garnering speed and listening to every filthy noise your bodies made when you connected, his grunts reverberating against your collarbone.

“That's the kinda gruntin’ I wanna be hearin’.” Daryl chucked at your comment, palm leaving your curve so the pad of his thumb could press against your clit, massaging it in pace with his movements and drawing out a whine from you.

He threw his head back to clear the strands of hair from his face, looking down to watch you for a moment; watch himself disappear in and out of your walls then came near again. “Shit, ya feel so fuckin’ good…”

But then another something hopped onto the opposite side of the bed, much lighter and more sophisticated. Door was still shut, still locked.

“Sweetheart… you forgot the cat.”

Daryl didn't even glance back, rolling his eyes and muttering another curse. “Ion even care anymore.” And he just found you in another kiss.

©corvidcrossbow 2024. I do not give permission for my works to be copied, modified or adapted to other platforms. My work may be translated only if asked and with proof of given consent.

[sschizoid]

Wait let me cook

how about the tulpar crew on the beach together. omg.

oh you're cookin' alright (⌐■◡■) 👌

--

curly

while its no secret that he prefers winter over summer, he can't deny the feeling of absolute bliss he gets from feeling water on his skin and sand between his toes. he'll spend a good amount of time in the water, but tries not to get his hair wet. it dries out his curls and just kind of leaves him a frizzy mess

after swimming, he likes to lie down and let the sun work its magic by drying him off the good old-fashioned way. once settled in and comfortable, he's definitely gonna lie back and give a dreamy sigh before tilting his sunglasses down and looking over, saying "you know what? I really needed this."

applies sunscreen everywhere but the back of his neck. you'll never guess where he gets sunburned

jimmy

he hates the sun, it's way too bright and sunglasses do almost nothing for his headaches. he hates the heat, being sweaty feels gross and makes him chafe. he hates sand, its scratchy and rough and always finding its way into his clothes. but he goes anyway because he doesn't want to be left out and has fomo

tans super easily. he can be under an umbrella the entire time and still manage to gain more color than someone like curly, who will be actively trying to tan yet barely succeed in gaining a rosy hue

despite his attitude toward the beach, he can usually be persuaded to play a bit of frisbee if bothered hard enough. with him, persistence is key. but don't even bother trying to get him in the water

anya

spends the first hour or so beachcombing, looking for interesting shells, sand dollars or sea glass. she ends up finding a really cool piece of coral skeleton as well as some sea urchin fragments, which she plans on adding to her little home collection of oddities

not too big into swimming, but absolutely loves to sunbathe! you can find her in the back, lounging with a floppy hat and a pair of massive sunglasses with her own personal radio playing her favorite tunes

she'll bring a book with her, but will fall asleep with its pages spread open over her face and her arms at her sides, out like a light. at least she's better protected from UV rays?

swansea

absolute grillmaster. tell him what your favorite protein is, how you want it prepared, and he'll have it ready for you in less than 10 minutes and cooked to perfection. also, charcoal is the superior way of grilling. don't even try to argue with him, because he will die on this hill

he has a soft spot for the beach, as he always used to take his dog to them, either for a walk or a good old game of fetch. he remembers how much of a pain in the ass it was trying to brush sand out of that long fur, but it was worth it to see that wagging tail

consistently applies sunscreen every two hours, yet still somehow manages to get sunburned?? he blames his ancestry

daisuke

is trying so hard to convince someone to bury him in the sand. he needs to know what it feels like. wants to feel the pressure around his ribs and the granules in his teeth. he heard that pirates used to torture prisoners by burying them neck-deep, but he's "built different" and thinks it would feel calming like a weighted blanket

besides baseball, surfing is one of his favorite sports. that isn't to say he's particularly good at it, but he loves the adrenaline rush of trying to navigate a wave while keeping your body balanced and mind focused

one of his first jobs was volunteering at an ice cream shack on the boardwalk when he was 15, so he views the beach and frozen treats as synonymous and pretty much the perfect pair. his go-to is dippin' dots, by the way. specifically the banana split flavor

[kneelingshadowsalome]

Some canine poetry that made me think of you and König :)

“I love like a rotten dog, something not worth loving back. I know I can be cruel. I’ll learn to love the muzzle.”

“The hand that feeds deserves to be bitten when it beats.”

“Kick me all you want, I’ll forgive you in the morning.”

“I have always known i am the type of dog to be put down — fur too matted, teeth too sharp from eating trash-thrown bones.”

Idk canine poetry just does it for me. The thought that König loves like a dog, that he bares his teeth to the world (but not her, never her), he’ll sleep at the foot of the bed if it means he’ll be closer to her, he roams like a mutt with his snout on the ground, hunting for scraps, wagging his tail at the slightest affection. His love is like wilted flowers and rotten fruit. He loves like a dog and takes what he is given.

Bawling actually because these are so good and so precious and so so accurate! 💔❤️💔

The sad thing is, reader is only beginning to realise that König is not only a crazy bloodhound on the loose but also a stray who develops separation anxiety the moment he gets petted and fed instead of yelled at and kicked straight in the ribs. He may not be one of those dogs who completely lose it and piss themselves from joy when they see their human but he’s totally the dog who rears up on their hind legs and tries to lick your face even though you tell him for the hundredth time to get down and behave. His tail keeps wagging furiously and his eyes stare at you with manic, possessive affection, and he just . won’t . listen .

Give him any kind of half-assed praise and he’ll look at you like you’re a god; say that he’s a good boy and he’ll jump on you again, causing you to tumble down on the floor. That’s when he thinks it’s playtime because you just fell on your back and showed your belly, yeah baby! Time to lick your face again, and if you happen to grimace or laugh or smile and show your teeth he’ll growl and whine from excitement and curiosity and then you basically have to tear him off you by his collar and it’s kind of challenging to do that because this doggo weighs about 250 pounds and is fully determined to show you how much he loves you.

He looks at you like you’re the only thing in this world that matters, the only thing worth fighting for (to the death may I add), when all you did was climb into your cozy little bed and pat it softly to show him that he’s welcome to smother you with his weight join you. He’s like Can I? Can I? Can I truly? Yes, yes, yes, uh-huh, I promise I won’t rip the sheets apart from excitement I promise I won’t bite you and drool all over you I promise I won’t try to mate with you the minute you fall asleep, I know you don’t like that, yes, I’ll behave, I promise. Ok maybe just one little lick please let me have just one lick where it smells good---

…Next thing you know he’s dry humping your leg and panting & whining above you in heat at 2 AM because he just somehow forgot what he was NOT supposed to do. You curse yourself for ever feeding this tortured mutt because what’s even worse is that you notice he has started to mark his territory again, simply because you had to leave him home alone for a few hours that day and he apparently got upset.

[itstheoneshot]

Kinktober Day 22

Pet Play - Gyuvin

!dom Gyuvin

Gyuvin loved cats. He had his own dog, Eumppappa, and of course, she was his baby. But he loved cats so much, and always complained that he couldn’t own one. He was constantly sending you photos of stray cats, naming them, whining and moaning that he wished he had a bigger house so he could get one without worrying about fighting with the dog, but alas.

One day, you had enough. You made a stop on your way home from work at a sex shop, knowing exactly what you wanted, and not caring about the cost behind it. A pair of white clip-on cat ears, a white and pink lace collar and leash, and the most important item of all… a white, fluffy tail attached to a plug. You were only new to ass play, but felt confident that you would make this work, anything for Gyuvin, right? You buy the items, and gratefully accept them in an inconspicuous bag to take home.

Upon your arrival, you find the house is empty, and when you check your phone you see that Gyuvin had texted you. Just taking Eumppappa for a walk, silly, I’ll be back. You sigh in relief, taking the opportunity to shower and prepare yourself, and once dry, you take your purchases out of the bag and make yourself… catlike.

You hear the front door open, and giggle as you hear Eumppappa’s scampering feet as she runs up the hallway, heading towards the living room where her bed is, she always needs a nap after a walk, and that gives you more privacy.

“Oppa!” You call out, readjusting your ears, and making sure that the tail is tight and secure in your ass, you wrap the end of the leash around your wrist and take one last look at yourself in the bathroom mirror, “I have a surprise for you.”

Gyuvin’s footsteps are purposeful as he makes his way to you, right at the time that you step out of the bathroom and he stops dead in his tracks only a metre away. You smile softly, tilting your head to the side with widened eyes, playing into your natural aegyo, smile fading into a pout.

“Holy shit,” Gyuvin sighs, his breath catching in his throat as you turn to the side, giving him just a little view of the tail you have in, “Baby… you look so fucking hot.”

You step forward and close the gap between you, reaching up to hold his shoulders, letting the leash fall out of your hand, the chain clanging as it hits the floor. Gyuvin’s hand races up to your cat-ears, playing with the fur between his fingers, his gaze darkening as he continues to process what he sees. You trail your fingers down his chest, feeling his body through the thin t-shirt material he is wearing. His hands slide down your back, desperate to feel your tail, but so distracted by your ass. One hand moves to take the leash, and he tugs on it gently, testing it out, groaning as you let out the softest meow when he pulls a little too tight.

“I hope I can suffice as the cat you’ve always wanted,” You giggle, “Until we move somewhere else.”

“Oh, you do,” Gyuvin nods, “My pretty little kitten.”

He turns and walks, with you eagerly following out of both excitement, and fear of being choked by the collar, towards your bedroom, where Gyuvin makes himself comfortable on the mattress, moving back to make room for you between his legs. You perch on your knees, sitting back as much as you can without hurting yourself on your tail, and wait expectantly for his order.

“Come here, kitty,” He coos, pulling at the leash to bring you closer, “Good girl, come to appa.”

You straddle his hips, and he drops the leash to grab your ass and pull you closer. His cock already tenting in his tracksuit pants, you paw at the hem of his shirt and he laughs before obliging you, tearing the material over his head in one swift move. He grabs the leash again and tugs you forward to kiss him, his other hand slipping between your cheeks to feel where your hole clenches around the metal toy inside of you. He moans into your mouth, already growing impatient, and pushes you away to quickly pull his pants down too.

“Do you want me to ride you?” The words fall from your lips far too innocently for how dirty they are, “Kitty wants appa’s cock.”

From older brother, to daddy, Gyuvin’s attitude has changed completely. He nods and you lean up on your knees so that he can guide you down onto his cock, mewling as he fills you, so big, so fucking big. The pleasure hits differently when your ass is already full, and your eyes roll back as you roll your hips down to take him in all the way. Your body shakes from the stretch, but you try to remain focused, obsessed with the way that Gyuvin stares at you hungrily.

Soon he rolls you over to hit it from the back, wanting to stare at the tail for a moment before he uses the leash to pull you up so that your back is flush against his chest. The new angle has you blabbering, falling apart within moments, your high racking through your body with force as he pulls you back into him with every thrust, the plug going in deeper as his cock does too. You aren’t sure at what point Gyuvin releases, but the bulge in the lower front of your stomach from his cock begins to go down as he slows, softening ever so slightly inside of you but he does not want to pull out, not yet.

“I think we should stay here tonight,” Gyuvin murmurs, kissing you softly as he readjusts your ears, “I’m gonna need more than just one round with you dressed like this.”

---

kinktober masterlist

[echo-goes-mmm]

Bandit Scum (Oneshot)

My Writing Masterpost

Warnings: mentions of violence, sexual assault, mentions of sexual assault 

The two men browsed the store, seemingly unsatisfied with their already large purchase of supplies.

Boy kept his head down, and hoped they wouldn’t be interested in him. He held still, kneeling and chained to the corner, and maybe that would be enough for them to simply pass by.

Unfortunately, he was not so lucky.

Heavy footsteps sounded towards him, and soon his view of the wooden floor was interrupted with metal-tipped boots.

“Stand up,” the man said, and Boy dutifully unfolded to stand.

The man grabbed his chin, yanking his face up, and Boy averted his eyes in submission.

The stranger turned his face this way and that. He pressed a thumb at Boy’s lips, and Boy opened up before his jaw could be pried open. The man inspected his teeth, his fingers pulling at his lips and pressing down on his tongue, and Boy tried not to cough.

The hand pulled away from his mouth, and slid up the column of his throat, seemingly feeling the sensitive skin.

Boy didn’t like where this was going.

To his dismay, the man kept running his hands over his body. Over his chest, down his ribs. 

Boy screwed his eyes shut as the man tugged down his boxers. He bit back a whimper as the stranger fondled him and squeezed his ass. A finger even added dry pressure to his hole before pulling away, and Boy’s gut twisted.

His hands slid even further down, feeling up his thighs before pulling his boxers back up. 

Boy let out a breath, slowly, and hoped the man was finished. The stranger pulled away, satisfied.

Boy sat back down, shaking. 

The man went back to his companion, and they talked in voices too low for him to hear anything.

“I’ll give you five thousand for the slave in the corner,” said one of them to the storekeeper.

The storekeeper scoffed. “That’s hardly more than what I paid for him.”

“Six, then.”

“Eight.”

“Seven and a half.”

“Fine.” Boy wanted to weep. He didn’t like the way his new masters were dressed- leather and fur and armor. He didn’t like how he had been touched, and he definitely didn’t want to be a bedslave.

But the men came for him anyway, tying his wrists with rough rope and unlocking his ankle.

One of them (a blonde) stroked his cheek, and he resisted the urge to pull away.

“Gonna call you Dog,” the blonde master said, tugging him along by the lead, and Dog tearfully followed them both out.

There were two horses and a cart outside, loaded with purchased supplies. The black-haired master tied his lead to the saddle of one of the horses before mounting it, and Dog wished he could just ride in the cart.

The blonde took the reins of the cart, and they were off.

___________________

The road was long and rough, and Dog was tired of walking. He had no shoes, and the dirt road of the forest was unforgiving.

To make matters worse, they were turning off the road and straight into the woods.

He didn’t dare voice any complaints. His masters were much bigger men and their strong hands could probably break his bones.

It must have been two miles into the woods before they came upon a camp. A large camp, with half-permanent buildings and tents, and at least a dozen men.

The men cheered as they saw his masters, and they chattered as they unloaded food and rope and lantern oil.

“Hey, what’s this?” one said, gripping his arm. Dog looked up at the man, terrified.

“Call him Dog,” a master called out. “Got him to keep after you slobs.”

The man gripping his arm grinned at him with rotted teeth, and Dog looked away, his heart pounding.

“Dog, huh? I got something for you.”

The man left, and Dog bit his lip. He came back soon, rusty metal in his hand. He snapped it around Dog’s neck, and the heavy iron rubbed uncomfortably on his skin.

“Now you’re a dog,” laughed the man, tugging at the collar.

Dog was soon untied, and led deeper into camp. He scanned the campsite, his eyes landing on swords and chests and a careless pile of valuables strewn on a table.

His new masters were highwaymen.

Bandits.

___________________

Dog picked up the rubbish around the camp. Everything hurt; especially his ankles. 

The very first day, the masters had driven an iron pike into the ground, chained his ankles together with a scant few feet of room, and chained him to the pike.

He couldn’t leave the camp, not even with no one watching, and couldn’t even walk very well.

The metal collar had rubbed the skin on his neck raw too, but no one cared enough to switch it out.

It had been months, and Dog was so tired. 

With so many masters around, he was hit at least twice a day, and his ribs ached from the steel toed boots that slammed into his side.

He put the rubbish in the garbage barrel, and went to scrub the pots from that morning. His hands were cracked and dry, and some of his fingers had blisters from cooking on the campfire.

The men had a good day, and some of them were out buying alcohol. He hated it when they did well. They always got drunk and demanded to use his mouth and body. He was going to be so sore tomorrow.

Of course, bored bandits could be just as cruel. The healing wounds on his back were a painful reminder of what would happen if his masters were idle.

Dog sighed, and wished desperately for a different fate.

___________________

He startled awake to the sound of shouting and chaos. Dog sat up, confusion and terror mixing in his chest, which quickly turned to horror.

Soldiers swarmed the camp, and the masters were outnumbered. There was shouting and blood, and Dog had no time to hide before he felt the sharp point of a sword at his back.

“Stand up,” commanded the soldier. Dog slowly stood, his blanket falling to his feet. He whimpered, and hoped the soldier wasn’t going to kill him.

“Show me your hands.”

Dog held them up. “Please-” he stammered.

“Shut up, bandit scum. Turn around nicely.”

He turned, and the soldier looked him up and down.

“I’m not-” he tried, but the soldier struck him across the face. He cried out, and the soldier raised his hand to hit him again.

“Enough, private!” barked someone from behind. “He’s unarmed. Add him to the rest.”

“Walk,” ordered the private.

“I can’t,” he whimpered. The chain wouldn’t go any further from the camp.

The soldier rolled his eyes. “You can stand, you can walk.”

Dog kicked his only possession, the blanket, away from his feet. “I really can’t,” he said.

The soldier’s eyes landed on his chains.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

___________________

Dog shrank into the corner of his cell. He was a bandit and a murderer according to the law, and he was to be tried and surely hung in a scant few hours.

No one had even talked to him.

He sobbed into his hands. 

The damned collar cut into his neck again, and he screamed in frustration.

“Shut the fuck up!” said a guard, slamming the flat of his blade into the steel bars with a clang.

Dog wept, and waited to die.

___________________

“Next,” said Lord Galen, bored. None of the highwaymen had a defense, and the hours of listening to them curse and shout at him was tiring.

The sentencing was just as dull. Repeating “I sentence you to death by hanging” all day was tedious.

But it was law that every one of them had a chance to speak for themselves.

“The next prisoner, my lord.”

The guards shoved a young man to his knees on the marble floor, and this one was more terrified than indignant. He was small too, and was probably just the bait for passersbys. A ruse, to get them to stop.

“Name?” he asked. 

“Dog, my lord,” the man said, trembling.

“...Your name is Dog,” he repeated, incredulous. 

The young man nodded timidly. “It’s- It’s what they gave me.”

Must be a bandit name. They all had strange nicknames, like Rat-Eye.

“You’re charged with murder, theft, and grievous harm to another human. What say you?”

Dog half sobbed, and Lord Galen nearly pitied him. 

“I didn’t,” he protested. “I just cooked and cleaned.”

“Aiding and abetting murder, theft, and grievous harm, then. The sentence is the same.”

“Please- Please, my lord. I didn’t have a choice. They-”

“So you confess?”

“I’m just a slave,” wept Dog. “It shouldn’t count! I swear- they bought me- I-”

Lord Galen paused. He hadn’t expected a routine raid to produce an innocent man in the midst of bandits. If he was innocent. But the rusty metal around his neck looked pretty nasty. No one would wear that willingly.

“Do you have proof?”

“P-proof?” Dog looked up, face wet with tears. “I mean- yes! I have proof.”

Lord Galen sat up straight, watching. 

The young man peeled off his ragged shirt.

His skin was a mass of bruises and dried blood, but that meant nothing. Then he turned, and Galen could see the brand on his side, the tell-tale sign of a slave.

“Does- does that help?” Dog said, hopeful.

Lord Galen motioned to a guard. “Good enough.”

“Thank you!” Dog cried as the guard removed his chains, “Thank you-”

“My lord,” interrupted the court scribe. “A slave is not a citizen. What do you intend to do with him?”

Galen sighed, and Dog looked up at him with pleading eyes.

“I’ll decide later. Put him back in a cell.”

“Yes, my lord.”

Dog hung his head as the guard led him back to the dungeon. 

“And get someone to cut that collar off!” Lord Galen called after them.

___________________

Dog curled up in the corner of his cell. He desperately wanted rest, but sleep refused to come. 

He rubbed the skin of his neck. It felt strange now that the weight was gone.

He heard footsteps echo down the hall. Probably a guard.

“Dog?” called the lord, standing on the other side of the cell. Dog shuffled over and knelt, bowing his head.

“Yes, my lord?” he choked out.

“I can’t free you,” the lord said. “I apologize.” 

“I- I don’t understand, sir.” He didn’t expect freedom, he just wanted to live.

“Technically, you broke the law. It’s not fair, I know, but there’s nothing I can do.”

“Am- Am I going to die?” he asked.

“Well, no. But I can’t let you go, either.”

“O-oh.” Dog closed his eyes. He was going to be sold again, most likely for cheap. 

“I could use a cupbearer,” the lord went on, and Dog dared to hope. ‘Cupbearer’ was a servant’s position, a good one, and maybe that wouldn’t be so bad, even as a slave.

“I’ll send someone to clean you up shortly.”

Dog let out a breath. “Thank you, Master. Thank you so much.”

Lord Galen walked away, and Dog sagged against the bars in relief.

It was finally over. He’d never have to see a bandit, or their camp, ever again.

taglist: @paintedpigeon1

[gabriel-xander]

Don't Forget

A/N: Me when the title of the fic is "don't forget" but all I do is forget to update it on tumblr only

[Sans x Female!Reader]

13: It's So Great, If You're Not a Fucking Murderer

Caution Warning: Brief description of a developing panic attack. Though it does NOT happen, I thought a word of warning would be appropriate regardless.

♪⁠────✿⁠(⁠✧◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕✧⁠)✿⁠────♪

You were laughing your ass off sitting in the snow. Sans was less amused about the whole ordeal, laying on his back with a dead look in his eyes. Namely, you two covered in slobber after encountering Greater Dog. Poor Sans especially got the worst part of it since he’s literally bones. He only managed to get rid of him by summoning a bone and chucking it hard, very far away.

You shuffle a little closer to him, still full of giggles, “Here, ha-ha! Stay still for a second, yeah?”

He only grumbles from where he is, not bothering to get up. You untie your shawl and remove it from your shoulders. Your dress’s neckline is straight across, leaving a lot of your chest and shoulders exposed. You shiver from the cold, already knowing you’re probably going to get sick Actually no, you were probably already getting sick the moment you fell into the snow right outside the Ruins.

“You gonna get up and do it yourself, or are you gonna make me do it?”

“huh? do what?” Sans finally looks at you, “what’re you gonna do with that?”

“Clean your head. The snow is starting to freeze to that dome of yours.”

The monster sits up with a soft grunt, wincing at the feeling of the ice sticking to him. He waves a hand dismissively.

”nah, don’t ruin your fancy fur coat.”

It’s not made of fur, but sure okay.

Sans starts wiping his hand with his gloved hand but drops it after two seconds. “…..hold on fur a second, if you can throw me a bone here, that’d be great.”

Bro called your shawl a fur coat just to make that damn pun, didn’t he?

“Ha-ha! Yeah, yeah,” You get on your knees to shuffle closer, “Let me know if I accidentally rub too hard, okay? That’s what-”

“-that’s what she said. i beat you to it,” Sans rolls his eyes but his smile gets bigger.

”Ah! How dare you steal my thunder?!”

Despite being totally offended, you still help out the skeleton. You’re trying to be gentle since one, you barely know the guy, and two, touching a bone is so scary. Yes, you know he’s a monster, his skeleton is different from yours. But seeing a bone tricks your mind into believing they’re incredibly more fragile than they are.

So far he seems to like it. His eyes have closed and he’s leaning back a bit. This would totally be a nice moment if you were also freezing from the slobber drying on your own face. After a minute, you were confident you got it all off.

“There we go, just as shiny as the day you were born.” Wait a damn minute. “Wait, were you birthed from the pussy?”

“was i what?”

“WAIT, IS THAT OFFENSIVE TO MONSTERS?!”

Sans’ shoulders were shaking and miraculously, his wide grin was wobbling. When he talks he sounds like he was desperately trying to contain his laughter.

“w-wait, as-ask that again!”

“No way!!”

You scramble up to your feet and aggressively shake your shawl to take off the snow. You make sure to do it right in his face, smiling at his laughter that he’s now allowing to be free. You can see Snowdin town just up ahead! Right pass the bridge that is giving you the biggest burst of anxiety that you haven’t felt in a long time.

Letting the monster be, you finally get around to wiping off your own face. It was kind of pointless though since it’s already dried off.

Gross.

But worth it.

“Ugh, remind me to take a shower later,” You scrunch up your nose, folding the shawl over your arm, “We’re almost there, right? Let’s get crack-a-lackin’.”

Sans eyes you as he stands up, “you’re not cold?”

“Pfft—What, scared of a little skin?” You shake your head, “This thing is too dirty to wear now. I’ll be fine.”

He winces, “sorry ‘bout that.”

“Why are you apologizing? I’m the one who used it. Anywayyy, no more sulking, bone boy. The sooner we get to your place, the sooner I can take that shower.”

The skeleton monster grumbles playfully under his breath, walking by your side.

“‘m not sulking. you’re sulking.”

“Waa, waa, waa.”

You almost said the full video reference, but you have the feeling that you two aren’t there yet where you can playfully call him a bitch. Maybe one day, but you don’t know if you will actually call him a bitch. He’s not very bitch material.

Cock material, for sure. You’d even argue that he’s (mother)fucker material, too. But a bitch? He just doesn’t look like “bitch” would fit him well.

Top Ten Insults that Appropriately Fit Sans Undertale.

Number One:

…

Burger King Foot Lettuce-

“…hello? earth to [y/n]—uhm-this place to [y/n]?”

You shake your head to escape your thoughts, “Wha-Huh? Sorry, I zoned out.”

“yeah, clearly. you good? what were you thinking so hard about?”

‘Oh, dude. You do NOT wanna know.’

You notice that you two stopped right at the bridge. Your hand was on top of the left post that was holding the rope to the bridge.

The…

The long bridge…

Thousands of meters from the ground…

One wrong move, and you’re done.

One wrong step, and you’re falling.

Your natural reaction would be to do your best to maintain a feet-first landing. It would not end well for you of course: breaking your legs, pelvis, and lower-spinal column.

That would kill you.

That would…

Your heart feels wrong. Beating too fast and it’s just too heavy. It’s too big for your chest-it shouldn’t be in there. It makes you want to remove it from your chest to get rid of this feeling from your body.

If you breathe more, you can make more room in your chest. If you do that then—

But you have to do it now-You have to do it now because if you don’t then your chest will burst.

… Ah. Wait.

You blink owlishly, “Huh.”

“what is it?”

“I’m terrified of heights.”

“uhhh, crap.”

Sans hesitates before he gently takes your hand from post and forces you to take a few steps back by getting in your space. You frown at this, but allow yourself to step away. You feel a little light headed, but nothing a couple of deep breaths can’t help with. Woah, that was… that was a little too close for comfort.

“Sans, what are you doing?”

“come on, we’re gonna take a shortcut,” Sans gives you a wink, “didn’t you say you wanna take that shower asap?”

“Well, yeah, but…” But you don’t want to skip out on exploring Snowdin right now…. “If-If you could’ve teleported us-”

“-shortcut.”

“Sure. If you could’ve given us a shortcut the whole time, why not do that in the very beginning?”

“and make you miss out on the Snowdin forest experience?”

“…Okay, fine. But I just, um,” Well… You guess Snowdin Town exploration can wait another day. “It’s not going to hurt, is it?”

“only if you want it to.”

“I'm not a masochist, but thanks for the offer.”

“what the hell is a masochist?”

You start laughing.

There’s confusion (somehow) on his face.

“Oh, shit. You’re serious. You don’t know what it is?”

“am i supposed to?”

“You know what, bone boy? I think we can save this conversation for another day.” You hold your hand up for no other than that you like talking with your hands sometimes. “So uh, how does this work? Do I gotta click my heels three times?”

“you keep telling me these things that i’m pretty sure only make sense if you were tellin’ another human,” Sans snorts, “you don’t gotta do anything. give me your hand.”

“Ah-ha ha, uh, you still have it, Sans.”

You both look at your joined hands simultaneously. Your cheeks begin to warm up while Sans.

Get this.

He is blushing, though it was subtle, it was still noticeable since his skull is an off white color.

But it’s not blue.

He’s actually blushing red!

You suppose it makes sense…! During the date with Papyrus and even when you flirt with him, his blush is red. So of course Sans shouldn’t be any different if they’re both related.

Ah, but you’re so used to the guy being associated with cyan, that it threw you off!

It’s not a bad look on him at all though, just different.

“No need to be so shy about it, bone boy.” You give his hand a very light squeeze, “What’s next on the plan?”

“hah, well it’s only fitting for you to close your eyes now.”

You roll your eyes dramatically before doing as you're told. The skeleton monster takes a deep breath quietly, willing away his blush because that shit’s just embarrassing.

“now give me a sec to work my magic.”

“Sure thing, bone boy.” You reply with a smile, keeping your eyes closed.

Sans doesn’t actually need that second, it’s just an excuse to take this time to… observe you.

It looks like you’ve completely calmed down, thankfully. He’s had his fair share of panic attacks before and they’re a bitch to deal with. Luckily, you seemed to have recognized it on your own and brought yourself out of it. The monster hoped that his own intervention had helped somewhat, too.

Guess that means he should make sure you avoid extreme heights from now on. You’re really nice, so he doesn’t want you to stress out too much if he can just help you out.

Pretty dangerous for you to admit that so openly, though.

Also pretty embarrassing he forgot he was holding your hand this whole time, if he’s honest. Not to sound cliche and corny, but he didn’t realize because your hand just… it fit naturally with his.

Then again, he noticed that humans seem to have a similar structure to him and Papyrus. So he probably shouldn’t think too much of it.

Oh, by the way.

“we’re here,” Sans, to be nice, squeezes your hand the same you did to him, “bet you didn’t even notice, huh?”

Sans waits for you to open your eyes before finally letting you go finally. You blink in surprise, looking around frantically and rather dramatically.

“Goddamn it, Sans! Where the hell are we?!”

He can’t help but snort, “my house in snowdin town.”

Your eyes flicker to your left then they widen. Sure enough once you actually stopped goofing around and take a second, you are indeed standing in front of a house.

A wooden, two-story home with Christmas lights hung shrewdly around the left beam holding up the sun shade above the door. The lights are also hung on the very top shingles and balcony on the right side of the house. You don’t remember what they’re called (even if the Author knows), but on the front door there’s that typical Christmas decoration that’s just a bunch of leaves in a circle.

There’s also a pirate flag. At the top. For some reason. Maybe to help the locals identify this house as the skele-bros?

“This place…” You murmur softly, “It’s…”

Uh oh. Do you—Do you not like their house?! Is this a deal breaker?? Not that he gives a shit if you don’t like the house, but will you really refuse to stay here if it doesn’t fit your taste?!

“It’s so cute!” You beam, clasping your hands together, “Awe, what a cute little home!”

“…little?”

You laugh, “Ha-ha! Is that what you’re gonna focus on?”

His grin is one of relief, “would you rather i give you the cold shoulder?”

“Booo! The one was weak!”

“you did not just boo me.”

“And I’ll do it again, bone boy.”

“let’s just go inside. i’m sure it’ll be ice to meet brother.”

You nod nervously, “Right, right, right. You said he was your younger brother, so…I probably shouldn’t swear, right?”

Sans just shrugs,“preferably, but he’s a grown adult so it ain’t nothing he’s heard of before. also, i’m not gonna tell you what to do, so it shouldn’t matter what i say, anyway.”

Well, yeah but…

“Alright, we gotta talk about it before we go in. We should really put down some ground rules,” You face the other properly, crossing your arms, “This is still your house, Sans. Yours and Papyrus’. I don’t like being controlled, but you still need to put up your boundaries.”

You know what? Sans actually appreciates that. He was trying to be chill and nice about it, but it looks like you have more respect for him than he does for himself.

“hmph,” A small, airy laugh escapes him, “alright, alright. i’m convinced. if that’s the case then, let’s talk about it with my brother.”

You step back.

”Ppp-You first, buddy.”

He rolls his eye-lights while fishing out the keys from his pocket. However, just as he was about to unlock the door, it unlocks from the other side.

And the door swings open.

Taglist:

@lemonboy011

@adriixboo

[randomwriteronline]

thinking about spherus magna so so so much and i NEED to write about the tribes and their bodies and their eating habits

to start off - agori and glatorian are like dogs and wolves: same progenitor, compatible to create hybrids capable of reproduction, different appearances and strengths but similar genetic curriculum.

the seven tribes have specific differences in appearance but most of their anatomy is still the same - humanoid, sharp spaced teeth, vestigial minuscule stubby tail, flat nose, small ears. cross-tribe children weren't very common before the shattering (big ass planet and all) and might become more common as time passes (lots of people died and whatnot), but due to there being no real hierarchy in the gene pool they wont necessarily be perfect hybrids of their parents: more often than not they will resemble only one of them, or showcase smaller traits of the other.

Tapyri (Fire tribe) - oval pupils stretched horizontally, tough skin that secretes a layer of protective mucus good for hot dry climates. different skin pigmentation in the form of spotted patterns, mostly on the back, is surprisingly common.

Gaquri (Water tribe) - crescent pupils stretched horizontally, drop-shaped sturdy scales that slightly overlap. hands and feet are lightly webbed between their fingers, while the eyes have a protective lid for underwater diving.

Lebori (Jungle tribe) - beaded pupils stretched vertically, short thin feathers, mostly greenish, which generally have little use. fingertips, palms and soles have small hooked cells to better their grip when climbing trees and rocks.

Koniri (Ice tribe) - rhomboidal pupils stretched vertically, thick fur that sheds and changes color depending on the seasons. powerful nails and bite, build up fat much easier than other tribes and are incredible sprinters on short distances.

Banuri (Sand tribe) - slit pupils stretched vertically, very small polygonal scales tightly placed together. small sharp horn-like protrusions all over the body, mostly the head, and remarkable adaptability to varying temperatures.

Potori (Rock tribe) - rectangular pupils stretched horizontally, wooly fur that varies in thickness depending on place of origin*. duller teeth, immune to most poisons, have heightened endurance in harsh climates and tougher bones.

Fezeri (Iron tribe) - round pupils similar to a photocamera's aperture, sectioned carapace not unlike that of an insect over skin. have a tendency to develop reddish crusts with age which need to be removed through cyclical moltings.

when it comes to food. oh baby.

ANY CREATURE in the desert is fair game. theyre most of the meat available and by god these people will Fucking Get It or die trying. blood is both cooked and drunk (usually on special occasions) and is often given to sickly, pregnant or young individuals; bones are generally split open for marrow, but while smaller ones can be grated or used to make stock broth, the bigger ones are kept to make weapons or tools - the only ones that eat them are the Bone Hunters, which is why they're called that in the first place, and the Zesk and Vorox, who have built in weapons.

Tapyri have very fertile soil but horrendously high temperatures, so they can grow only a select few plants, mostly cereals. common foods are iron snails and a type of edible lava residue, but a real delicacy is the elusive heat-resistant mole, which is incredibly fat and tender but also fucking FAST. they cook mostly on slabs of rock heated over lava, or on roasts

Gaquri eat anything that enjoys humidity - slugs, leeches**, tadpoles, frogs, other small amphibians, fish and crustaceans if they had any. their vegetables are cave mosses and freshwater algae or kelps - a specific type produces "kelp jades", round fruits that are sticky as hell. they tend to eat things raw, but can also afford to steam or boil their stuff

Lebori have the vastest array of fruits and greens available thanks to living in the green lung of a fucking desert and everybody imports that good stuff from them. their local protein source is comprised mostly insects***, worms and other invertebrates, which they employ in various methods. since they have access to oil, they often default to frying food

Koniri have access to small game and a discrete amount of forests in which they've learned to recognize edible berries, leaves and especially branches. a typical dish for them is a bundle of sticks wrapped in very far strips of meat. in some lakes they also harvest a strange type of anemone. when they don't freeze-dry their food, they tend to either boil or roast it

Banuri relied evenly on hunting, gathering, and husbandry. Zesk and Vorox have adapted thoroughly to the desert ecosystem, and while the first still gather lichens, the latter most hunt in packs

Bone Hunters, being scavengers, eat anything and everything; the Skrall had a more plant-based diet, but in Bara Magna added salt-dried meat; other Potori prefer vegetables like briars and thistles

Fezeri lived in fairly comfortable climates and could afford a pretty varied and balanced diet. Telluris allegedly eats, but nobody can confirm. Sahmad is trying to fuckin survive. give him a break

*Bone Hunters, native to the Bara Magna area, resemble goats; the Skrall, native to a snowy mountain area, resemble sheep. similar cases are found in all tribes across Spherus Magna (ex. BaMa lebori are more akin to geckos, BoMa lebori to lemurs)

**Gaquri would, as such, be the first to try and eat a kraata or krana without even thinking about it. the consistency would not bother them, but they would be mostly perplexed to discover there's food that tastes, respectively, "dark" and "bright"

***scarabax beetles not included, because they taste horribly and are not worth the effort of catching to feed off of them for anybody. Click will live forever

[hippiemisfit]

Hush (J.K.) 2

Chapter Two- Accomplice

pairing: jungkook x oc reader

Word Count: 1,280

Warnings: scary jk. intimidation, fear

---------------------------------------------

The doorbell ringing woke me up. I sat up in bed and grabbed my head, groaning in pain from the throbbing headache that was starting.

What happened?

How did I get back up here?

The doorbell rang again. Ugh.

I walked downstairs and headed to the door. I passed by a mirror on the way and was horrified by what was there. On the mirror it said,"I'm watching you," in what I hope was just red paint. I looked at my face and saw what I hoped was still that red paint. I quickly ran to the kitchen sink and scrubbed my face real fast before I opened the door.

I grabbed one of the dish towels to dry my face and headed to the door. I guess the person at the door was getting more fed up because this time the person banged on the door and tried to look through the window.

I know this mother-effer is not banging on my door like this. You do not bang on no black person door, they bout to learn.

All my angry rants went out the door when I swung the door open and came face-to-face with my cute next door neighbor. I would call him fine but right now he's angry and he looks so cute with his face all red.

He held up a chewed up sneaker in my face. Poco.

"You need to keep your dog on a leash Mahj. I had just cleaned these shoes and set them out to dry, just for your big ass dog to come and chew them all up. Blah blah blah blah..."

I just nodded my head not really listening to him. Wow his eyes look really blue right now. Like the sky.

"Mahj! Mahj!"

I shook my head,"Huh?"

"Did you hear anything that I said?" he asked me.

I nodded,"Of course I heard you Carter. Well, I heard the first part but that second part I blanked out on. Did you know that your eyes are really pretty?"

He rolled his eyes and sighed,"Of course you didn't Mahj, I didn't expect you to. And thanks for the eye compliment but seriously please watch Poco."

I nodded," Yeah sure."

"OK. So how about later on me and you go hang out or something.

I nodded my head eagerly. Chill out bro. I calmed my nod down and said," Yea I would like that."

"I'll see you later Mahj. Oh wait. Have you seen my idiot of an older brother. My mom said he didn't come back last night."

"No I haven't, maybe he just went out and got drunk and crashed at a friend's," I said shrugging.

"Well thanks anyway,"he smiled and then walked away to his car.

"Where you going?" I yelled.

"To get some more shoes," he said getting inside the car and starting it.

I laughed and went inside the house. Poco was sitting behind me with his head tilted to the side.

I lent down and hugged,"Good boy, you brought the cute next door neighbor over for me and he asked me out. You little matchmaker," I ruffled his fur and headed towards the stairs.

I caught a glimpse of the mirror again and decided to clean it before my parents eventually got back. I turned my head and looked around the room. I guess I should clean the rest of the room too.

......................

After I got done cleaning, I headed upstairs to get cleaned up. After my shower I got dressed and headed back downstairs.

I opened the door to check the mail when I saw big box sitting on the porch steps. I went to grab but it was to heavy to lift up. I gave up trying to lift it and opened it up.

I was met with a pile of tissue paper and moved them out the way. Underneath the paper was the head of Carter's older brother. His cold dead eyes were staring up at me.

I stepped back and puked all over my mom's flower garden, letting out everything I had eaten the night before. I walked back over to the box to close it.

What am I going to do? I should call the police. I went back inside the house and grabbed the home phone.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. I see you saw my present I left for you," I heard a voice say from behind me.

I turned around and saw the hooded figure from last night. I backed up," What are you doing here? Why did you kill him? What do you want from me?"

He started to laugh, bending over clutching his stomach. "Oh if only you could hear yourself. 'What are you doing here? What do you want from me," he said mocking me," What do you think I want from you? Hmm?"

I shrugged.

"Ugh," he sighed, "I'm pretty sure I told you last night that you would be seeing way more of me. I keep my promises Mahj. Now what are you going to do about that body on your doorstep?"

I looked at the psycho in front of me,"What am I going to do? I am going to call the cops and tell them about it. What else would I do?" I started to dial the numbers when the phone was yanked from my hands.

"What? You don't like my present?" he sneered in my face.

I nodded my head and in response he shook his. "No I don't think you do because if you did you wouldn't try to re-gift it to someone else."

"Well, I can't see anyone really appreciating getting a dead body on their doorstep unless they're in the mob and are expecting it. So no I honestly don't appreciate it. What I would appreciate is for you to leave me the hell alone," I sneered back in his face instantly regretting it, because he grabbed me by the neck squeezing it tightly.

"See this is why I cut out my victim's tongue. All you hum- I mean people talk and talk and talk and talk. Never shutting up," he forced my mouth open and pulled out my tongue placing it between two a fingers,"see how quiet you are now? Hmm. Silence," he said pretending to cut my tongue off with his fingers.

He stepped back from me. I went and grabbed my neck rubbing it to soothe the burn. "Now that we've gotten that out of the way how about you go and take your present over to your neighbor's house and leave it on their doorstep for me. I would do it myself but it wouldn't be as entertaining as it is watching you try and lift the box. The trick is to lift with your knees," he said mimicking the action," go ahead now," he said shooing me away.

My mouth dropped open and he walked over to close it. "We don't want flies do we? Now run along." I walked towards the door and decided it would just be best to make a run for it. I mean what's the worst that could happen?

When I got outside I started to run, jumping over the box and down the street. I ran as fast as I could. I turned around to see if he was behind me and ran into a wall. I hit the ground making an "oof" noise with my mouth. I looked up and came face to face with a huffing hoodie face. I could feel his eyes penetrating through my skull.

How the hell did he get here so fast? He yanked me up and pulled my body against his.

"I see we are going to have so much fun Mahj."

I gulped. Well now this is probably going to be the worst thing that happened.

[stardeer-valley]

Fall 26, Year 1

Beep found a copy of Friendship 101 in the shed on the other side of the property. The title indicated it could help with making friends. Upon reading it, all the advice amounted to "lol u can't". Frustrated, Beep took it for a walk. His missing antler clip, the wound still on his head, not having ANY of the food preserves he had been storing, and to top it all off the rain was cold and wet and cut through his winter coat.

It wasn't one of his finer moments, and after he destroyed the book, he felt nothing but shame for his action.

Shambling back to Avalon Farm where he could use his magic out of sight, Beep noticed something in the mud near the house. He paused, following them to the back yard. Tucked away inside the unoccupied dog house was the antler clip. And a poppyseed muffin? The crystal and ivory had been cleaned of blood and polished, and loose fur plucked from between the comb teeth. The antler clip floated off the ground and settled into Beep's neck fur next to the matching clip. He'd give the both of them a once over before he went to bed tonight, just to make sure the spells were still functional.

Beep stood a fair bit closer to grab the muffin so it didn't get wet. He carried it back to the house to enjoy in the dry, warm comfort of his nest.

———

Things different from canon; (AU???) Gramps never had an heir, or they never show/ed up. Special new farm map; Frontier Farm! Stardew Valley Expanded; new maps, new NPCs, new events, a LOT of new stuff. The new “Farmer” is just a Weird Ass Deer. NPCs will respond/react accordingly.

This is my first time playing Stardew Valley Expanded, so I’m learning as I go. (Please no spoilers if you play SVE)

[necros-writing-stuff]

Lapdog jealousy. See’s Darius with another older Caucasian Sheperd or another little toy dog, and immediately starts stirring shit up to make sure Darius’s eye stays on him and so the other dogs know they’re nothing.

If it's a smaller dog, they’re subtle and hurtful. Always commenting on their fur and pedigree and insulting and belittling them whenever possible. Bigger dogs they try and seduce them or enrage them the same way to make Darius intervene.

Cranks up the snark with Darius too and the teasing stealing more treats marking up clothes and getting more risque.

When Darius later fucks Lapdog out of frustration, domination, or just lust, Lapdog is extra rough and wants it extra rough. Bites and claws into Darius’s skin, growling and pulling at his fur, demanding he take him harder, demanding he mark him up. They tell Darius that just as they’re his bitch their mate, he’s their stud and makes sure Darius won't forget no other dog person will be the same. No other dog can take it like them or make Darius go as wild.

Dare is so confused. You're acting worse than usual, biting remarks aimed at not just him, but his friend. His friend that he knew from his military working days. Who he's checking on because they were retired from a bad injury.

"Yeah I can barely bend over without feeling it, even after all of the physical therapy they've put me through. The shrapnel was only a few centimetres from my spine."

You're grinning at that, body stretching. You can bend just fine, something Darius knows. His gaze flickers to your exposed abdomen as you do, your shirt riding up.

"They at least taking care of you, Dean?" He can't look at you right now, not when you're being such a cunt to an old friend.

The Rhodesian Ridgeback nods, rearranging himself and his pillow on the couch. "Yeah, but I'm closely monitored with my meds. You... you can guess why."

Yeah, he can. The pup had had an issue with pain killers in the past after a leg break.

You snort, and Dare's temper rises. "I can't really, why would they need to?" Your tone betrays your intention. You can guess, you just want to be mean.

It's been years since then, but the shame hasn't left Dean. He coughs and looks away as his owner comes in, the mood thoroughly soured. The old lady follows him, wobbling around. Sophia had been kind enough to let Darius come, even though she herself is having a bad day with her hip. They'll have to head home soon enough.

You're even back to treat stealing, stuffing your face with food meant for Darius and smiling when he scowls down at you.

You don't let up your teasing as the night goes on, bitchiness hidden under a veil of innocent curiosity that only Dare and Dean pick up on. He doesn't know how he doesn't blow up on you then and there, but he holds off and whispers an apology to Dean when they do leave. He'll be back to see him - without you.

That doesn't mean he can't figure out which stick you've had up your ass all evening.

Things stay quiet as Sophia gets to bed, your hips bumping against his thigh while your tail flicks against his wrist. He ignores you. Until he can hear the old lady's snores.

Then he drags you into his room by the scruff of your neck, a snarl curling his lips as he slams you against his bed.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? What, you want to kick a poor dog while he's down? You need it to make yourself feel better?" His snarls are so heated that spit flies from his mouth, landing on your cheek and meeting tears from your eyes.

"You love him! You love him and you'll leave me even though you're mine!" Each word that escapes your lips is a pathetic whimper, your ears pinned to your head and tail tucked in sorrow.

Darius tuts, letting go of you, letting you fall against the mattress. "Dumb little bitch. He's a brother to me, saved my life as I saved his. Plus he's fucking that owner of his, which you'd have smelled if you weren't so hell-bent on covering yourself in my scent."

Tears starting to dry, you look up through your lashes and sniffle. "But-"

"No fucking buts. You were a brat tonight, and you'll go back to apologise and explain to Dean why you were being the way you were."

That gets you. Eyes widening, mouth falling open. "... explain that I'm your bitch and your my stud?"

Sighing, Dare runs his hand through his hair. "Aye, but more so that you were being jealous and that you're very sorry for taking it out on Dean."

"But you are mine." That pout you're making is adorable, he'll give you that.

His belt buckle clicks as he undoes it, clothes ruffling when he removes them. "Yeah, I'm yours. Turn over now, I'll prove it to you."

Even when you're acting like an ass, you always get what you want from him. You always have your cake and eat it. Almost literally, you're a vicious cunt that night in how you mark him with tooth and claw. Your words are sharp when you beg him to do the same. Your body electrified and energetic as you work him to exhaustion.

He was meant to be putting you in your place. So much for that. You've got him as putty in your velvet hands.

[apamates]

Realm of the elderlings ask meme thing

Thanks for tagging me @khutsydoh !! I love thinking about my favorite wet dog of a man

Favourite Rote book: Fool's Errand

Why: I'm a romantic at heart, ngl. The domestic bliss, walks on the beach, late night talks sipping brandy by the fireplace, the Fool reading everything Fitz had written (!!!!! I can't think too much about that one without wanting to explode), Fitz getting every surface of his house lovingly carved by the Fool... Just the truly incredible way Fitz described that bubble of happiness and feeling whole (even if he was still forged!!!) just because the Fool was there with him and Nighteyes. I love it when a character is the most repressed being ever and the love still bursts through because it's just that strong.

After every awful thing that happened in Ass Quest, I definitely think Fitz deserved a time away from the Farseers to rest and find himself outside of all the roles he had to perform for the crown. Though, 15 years in nearly complete isolation except for Hap and Starling are a strech, he really was running away from life like the Fool said. Him coming back to Buckkeep and facing all the people from his childhood as an adult felt so amazing to read. I personally feel a lot for Fitz and his complicated relationships with his family. For him to meet Chade honestly and make him see how much he hurt him was !!!! Him hating Dutiful at first just bc he saw so much of himself as a kid in him and tbf Dutiful is a tangible reminder of all the trauma from his teenager years, so Fitz having to process all that was exquisite too.

Funniest mission ever to have to find a teenager that's unknowingly horny for a cat, but the Fool and Fitz can turn it into a secret identity rom com and I ate it up!!! Happiest book of the trilogy for me and it's because Fitz was happy to be near the Fool.

Top three favourite characters: Beloved in all their facets, Patience, Ronica

Top three least favourite characters: Regal, the Satrap, Civil

Favourite ship of the floating kind: Ophelia bc she's an agent of chaos

Top 3 ships of the people kind: Fitzloved, Althea and Jek (Robin Hobb really missed so much potential), Patience and Lacey

Would you rather be witted or skilled: Skilled

If you were witted, what animal would you bond with: Probably my cat bc we already spend nearly every hour of the day together.

Would you rather live in the Outislands, the Mountain Kingdom, the Six duchies, Bingtown, the Rain wilds, Kelsingra, Jamailia, the Pirate isles or Mercenia/Fool's homeland?: I haven't read the Fitz and The Fool trilogy so idk if I'd like Kelsingra but the Six Duchies seem like the better option just because I hate stuffy society and the cold, which rules out all others.

How were you introduced to the books: I love Chihayafuru and a wonderful artist I followed for that fandom posts about ROTE. I got the sense I would love to suffer about it and asked about the right order to read the books, thank you @leafykat !!!

Share a quote you love:

As I entered to set the pack on my table, the wolf was sprawled before the fire drying his damp fur and the Fool was stepping around him to set a kettle on the hook. I blinked my eyes, and for an instant I was back in the Fool’s hut in the Mountains, healing from my old injury while he stood between the world and me that I might rest. Then as now he created reality around himself, bringing order and peace to a small island of warm firelight and the simple smell of hearth bread cooking. He swung his pale eyes to meet mine, the gold of them mirroring the firelight. Light ran up his cheekbones and dwindled as it merged with his hair. I gave my head a small shake. “In the space of a sundown, you show me the wide world from a horse’s back, and the soul of the world within my own walls.” “Oh, my friend,” he said quietly. No more than that needed to be said. We are whole. - Fool's Errand

Sometimes a family is just two guys and their matchmaker wolf y'know

Tagging: @yevrosima-the-third @mistninja @leafykat

[dailymobpsychodrabbles]

Word count: 1.3k

Tags: trans! Mob, post canon

Reigen was in deep, deep shit. 

Looking back, maybe he shouldn’t have taken this job without actually scoping out the place first. But it had sounded like easy money! The owner of this office building felt a rush of cold air whenever he entered the basement? Bah, it sounded like he had a problem with his air conditioning. Reigen would just sprinkle some salt and figure out on the down low who he used for his maintenance and give them a ring, and he’d get a handsome payment. 

Um… but.

“Do you want me to possess you?” Dimple offers, staring up at the huge evil spirit looming over them. Even he looks nervous. 

“Last time I let you do that, you pulled a muscle,” Reigen grits through his teeth. Maybe if he doesn’t move, it won’t notice him. He’s been stuck in the same position for a minute and a half now: hands held up in front of his face in defense, knees bent in preparation to run. Man, his arms are starting to ache. 

So far it’s worked. Or maybe the spirit is just toying with its prey. It’s too big to even fit in the room, resorting to hunching over and putting its face only a mere few feet from where Reigen is frozen in terror. It crudely resembles a dog- gaping maw full of jagged teeth and dripping drool in large globs that fall around Reigen, a tangled mass of fur covering half of its face. Why did it have to be a dog? Uu-chan would have never done something like this. (Or, well, maybe she would. Are all spirit dogs evil?)

Dimple sighs. “Don’t expect me to be nice to you when you die. This is all your fault after all.”

“I’m not going to-”

The evil spirit growls, and the entire room shudders and quakes around them. Lights flicker, rolling chairs scatter, and Reigen stumbles to one side.

“-die,” Reigen finishes, voice high-pitched and squeaky. Blond hair sticks up in unruly, windblown spikes on his head, and his outfit is all wrinkled. Gah! He just went to the dry cleaner! He’s going to smell like death for the rest of the day, too! 

The dog creature moves its head to one side so one large, red eyeball is staring straight through Reigen. “Any last words, puny human?” it asks, voice low and gravelly. Oh, it could talk? Reigen could work with that.

“Um…” He offers a nervous smile. “Please don’t eat me?” 

It rumbles with laughter. “Why shouldn’t I? Are you going to do something to stop me?”

Reigen and Dimple exchange a look. “I’m not helping your sorry ass,” Dimple says helpfully before floating down through the floor to safety. Fat load of help he is. 

He’s about to resort to begging, but there’s soft, muffled footfalls from behind them. Just in time! “I’m not,” Reigen admits. He straightens his stance, fixing his blazer so it lays flat on his chest and brushing his hair back down. Afterwards, he gestures to their new guest. “But she is!” 

...Truthfully, he’d sent the text as a last resort. 

Ever since the incident with Mob and Tsubomi, Reigen has kept a respectful distance. His student wanted to focus on herself, not work. And honestly? Reigen couldn’t blame her. He’d been around her age when he’d started to unravel the knot that was being a 15 year old who had no fucking idea who they were. He’s proud of her. She’s grown her hair out, switched from pants to skirts. Tome’s mentioned Teru helping her out with makeup. All steps in the right direction, judging from what Tome has told him. As long as Mob is staying true to herself, then good on her.

Yeah, Reigen is happy to know Mob is figuring herself out, but could she walk a bit faster? He’s pretty sure he has about six seconds before he becomes evil spirit food. 

Mob takes her place by Reigen’s side. “I asked you not to contact me on such short notice,” she says, not looking up at Reigen. Her mop of dark hair conceals her expression, but Reigen is sure it’s not going to be impressed. “Or I’ll have to charge you a last minute fee.” 

“We can discuss payment later.” Reigen scrambles behind his former student and puts a hand on her back. “There’s-There’s more important things to worry about!”

The spirit tips its head to the other side, hair falling and revealing that it doesn't have two eyes, but rather a spiral of eyeballs on the other side of its face. “You brought a little girl to fight your battles?” 

Mob looks up at it. “Please refrain from eating Reigen-san.” She lets her backpack slip from her shoulder and onto the ground. Mob holds up one open hand, letting her aura start to build around her. Pinks and blues and purples surround her small figure and light up the otherwise dark room. Reigen takes a step back and shields his eyes with one hand. 

It bares its teeth at Mob and lets out another snarl. “Such power in such a young thing. But do you have the guts to-”

She squeezes her fingers into a fist, and the spirit is condensed into a tiny ball before it evaporates into nothing. 

Reigen lets out the breath he hadn’t known he was holding in and puts his hands on his knees. Man, that was a close one! 

Mob lets her hand fall back to her side before turning to him. “Why are you here without an esper?” she asks. Straight to the point as always. Won’t even let her old mentor recover from his fight or flight kicking into full gear.

“Kat- Err, Serizawa-kun had to study for an exam.” When he’s sure his heart isn’t going to burst out of his chest, Reigen stands back up. “I tried Hanazawa-kun as a last resort, but he was busy. And your little brother just hung up the phone on the first ring.”

She only hums in acknowledgement. “I see.” 

By now, Reigen has gotten exceptionally good at reading Mob. Spending so long with her as his shadow has let him hone in on a thing or two that most others probably wouldn’t pick up: little mannerisms like fidgeting with her hands and fixing her clothes, her gaze flitting to a certain spot, the way she holds her head. 

Right now? She’s conflicted. 

“Is everything alright?” Reigen asks, turning to the young girl. “You didn’t strain yourself, did you?” He gives her a once over, and she looks relatively the same. Maybe her school uniform is a bit ruffled, but otherwise he doesn’t notice anything.

Mob shakes her head a little bit. “That evil spirit…” She looks up at Reigen, dark eyes wide. “It called me a little girl.” 

So it did. Reigen clicks his tongue and looks at the space where it once was. “Hah! Yeah, and look at how it stood up to you! What a stupid…”

When he looks back at Mob, she’s smiling to herself. She’s scuffing the toe of her sneaker against the floor and tucking her bangs behind one ear.

Oh, it called her a little girl.

Reigen can’t help but smile back. “It did, didn’t it?” He puts a hand on Mob’s head and ruffles her hair. She blinks up at him, frowning when her bangs are messed up once again. “I wouldn’t say you’re so little anymore. You’re almost as tall as me.” 

“You’re embarrassing, Reigen-san.” Mob bats away Reigen’s hands and picks up her backpack once more, but Reigen can’t miss the pleased expression on her face. 

He steers her in the direction of the door with a hand on her shoulder. “What do you say we go grab a bite to eat? My treat?” Reigen squeezes her with a little shake. 

“Reigen-san, you still need to pay me. We’ve talked about my freelance fees-”

“Ah, no discount for an old friend?” 

“Hmm… I’ll consider it.” 

She looks so content. Reigen is almost glad she quit. 

His phone buzzes in his pocket- most likely another client.

Almost. 

[frostbite-the-bat]

dad gave bertie a bath again but didnt even dry him off the poor boy so i gave him a different old blanket bertie sleeps on to dry off on and moved my heater a bit and brushed his fur a bit

at first he was annoyed but the moment i began brushing near his ass he began liking it. bertie is so silly i love this dog

[scoringeffects]

last line challenge

tagged by @barkovsasha

rules: in a new post, share the last line you wrote and tag as many people as there are words (or as many as you feel like).

not exactly one line but rather just the last thing i wrote (plotless nonsense) !

Connor pokes his thigh with his toes until Leon grabs his foot and pays attention to him. 

“Let’s play Mario Kart.”

A scowl falls over Leon’s face and Connor’s overwhelmed with an urge to kiss it off. He doesn’t, obviously.

“Let’s play sewerball,” he counters, all bitchy about it. Connor screws his face at that just as fast as Leon had scowled. There’s a reason he’ll push his own ‘one sport athlete’ narrative as often as possible.

“Don’t wanna get up.” His Switch is already plugged into the TV and the controllers are, like, right there in the drawers of the TV stand. Sewerball means either going down to the basement, or going outside.

“More like don’t wanna destroy your house with your shitass aim,” Leon grumbles. 

Connor kicks at him with his heel, “Let’s play sewerball in your living room and see how that fairs.”

Leon rolls his eyes and turns back to his phone, scrolling through Instagram reels because he’s ‘too good’ for TikTok. Connor, personally, feels like he’s caught up on every movement of everyone he’s ever known in the past hour and is thoroughly bored. And his Instagram reels are just soap cutting and slime making and the occasional AI Trudeau speech.

“Leo, c’mon, just one game.”

Leon, his best friend, his ride-or-die, his dog’s best friend’s dad, ignores him entirely. Which like, whatever, right?

“Leooo,” and he knows he’s kinda whiny, and definitely wheedling, “Leo.” He does have the lifelong benefit of being a younger sibling and the innate ability to annoy someone into something. “You don’t wanna play cause you’re gonna lose.”

“Exactly.” Leon, unfortunately, has the lifelong benefit of being the older sibling and generally immune to taunts, despite what his penalty minutes say.

“What if I let you win?” He won’t but it’s the principle of the thing.

“You won’t. And that would be worse, anyway.” Connor thinks he can hear a Family Guy clip playing from his phone. 

“If you win we’ll play whatever you want.” Leon opens his mouth, but Connor gets there first, “Not sewerball.” Leon rolls his eyes and scrolls with his thumb. Another Family Guy clip starts. “I’ll teach you to get better at it.”

“I don’t want to be better at Mario Kart.”

Lenny’s wandered into the living room, probably in search of attention, and rounds the couch they’re laying on, nudging at Connor’s arm.

“Hey, baby,” he says softly, petting him and scratching his hand through his fur, “you want Leo to play Mario Kart, don’t you?” Lenny woofs, snuffles into his hand, and Connor decides to take it as an enthusiastic agreement.

“Lenny wants you to play Mario Kart,” he directs at Leon, “right, bud?” Lenny woofs again, because he’s well-trained and adorable.

“He agrees to anything if you say it like that,” Leon says, looking at them with his phone loose in his hand, “right, Lenny?” Lenny thumps his tail against the carpet and looks cluelessly at Leon. 

Connor, because he shamelessly spoils Lenny, lifts him up onto his lap, even though he’s not really meant to be allowed on the couch. “Leo,” he says, mostly into Lenny’s fur. 

“Connie.”

Lenny woofs. Connor’s pretty sure he just wants to be included. 

Leon glances at them, and then at the ceiling unbelievingly, the way he does at the back of the media scrum when Connor gets asked why they’re losing, and then, “Fucking, fine. One game.”

Connor cheers, and asks, “Can you get the controllers? Lenny’s on me.” 

“You’re a terrible friend.” Leon says, serious and dry and straight and still gets up to get the controllers out and turn the Switch on. Connor feels like a bit of a terrible friend when he stares at Leon’s ass and thighs and waist and upper back and, well, everything really, when he bends down. They’re in the middle of the season, when the pure bulk from summer training is getting eaten game by game but before they’re truly end-of-season skinny. Leon looks good, the summer fat melted away but he’s kept his general bulk far better than Connor ever manages. Connor can see his lats and traps and fucking rhomboids through his shirt and feels a distinct, familiar, urge to bite at them. 

“You should eat more protein,” Leon tells him, flexing when he catches Connor staring. 

“I think I eat a hundred eggs in two weeks.” Jack, the old team nutritionist, had told Connor that the team goes through four litres of egg whites a day, and Connor’s pretty confident he does actually go through that many cartons in a fortnight. 

“Eat two hundred,” Leon tells him, and hands him the controller.

“I’ll eat you,” Connor informs him, very seriously, and starts to flick through the Mario Kart menu. 

“A guy watches the first episode of Hannibal…” They’d started it together in the off-season, stuck it out through the whole first episode, and now it currently collects dust on Connor’s continue watching list. They’ll probably get back to it eventually.

Lenny scrambles off his lap when they’re selecting their characters and Connor ends up getting whacked in the face with his tail. In all honesty he has no idea where he’s rushed off to, what appointments and such he has to keep as a wholly unemployed dog, but he’s positive it makes sense to him, at least.   

Leon picks Waluigi. 

“You’re too committed to being a hater,” Connor tells him. He chooses Princess Peach, like he always does, because Cam had told him the girl characters had a better chance of winning when he was six. He’d ended up losing for two years straight, but that’s besides the point.