#drunk animals

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[hesitationmarx]

check these badasses god i love bats

[tankgirlfan23]

[bonefall]

Hope you don't mind I re-posted your ask so that I can toss this under a cut, I don't want to spook anyone because this picture could be alarming to anyone just quick scrolling down the dash lmao

CW: Drunk birds (They look dead but they're ok!) and discussion of alcohol from fermented rowanberries

@hoofhound

"on fermentation

can they eat the berry

(the birds are alive and well it is commonplace to see them passed out after eating fermented berries and passerbys pick them up and set them on the side safely until they wake up :) )"

Yes! The cats can eat the berry; but only when they're ripe and fermented like this. Immature rowan berries have parasorbic acid, which is harmful to both people and cats.

However- cats have an extremely low tolerance for alcohol because they are obligate carnivores. They can't eat as many as even a tiny little waxwing. Remember that a single shot of vodka is fatally poisonous to a cat.

I'll make a rough estimate until I can make an official entry with REAL math and say 1 berry = 1 beer.

So as long as they're not munching an entire bushel of rowanberries, and this should be fine to get your Clan drunk.

[thisdrinkinglife]

When Monkeys Drink Beer

From the BBC show Weird Nature showing the monkeys of St Kitts who have acquired a taste for alcohol http://thisdrinkinglife.com/monkeys-drink-beer/

[burnt-breadtoast]

The drive home

[nekoo3001]

Proud dad🍻

[coffin-spider]

*Click Click*

We all love lain ♡♥︎♡

[smellroy]

In honor of OH MY G*D THEY F*CKING FOUND HIM….?

[chuuyaxsupremacy9]

Dazai, drunk: I'm in love with Chuuya-kun...like I'm mesmerized everytime he fights bad guys

Chuuya:

Dazai: you won't tell him right?

Chuuya, trying not to laugh: no, I swear that I won't

Ango: facepalming

[cubbihue]

What is irep and Goldie(the triangle fairy) up to in this au?

Goldie!!!! Hihihi hello!!! Goldie is a Leisure Fairy! She specializes in Light Magic, so she goes around bringing sunlight to different parts of the world on Earth. Whenever a child prays or makes a shrine asking for sunlight, she responds to it!!

She has a very bubbly and bright (hah) personality!!!!!! On the surface. Goldie has a reputation to maintain as the "cutesy happy-go-lucky sunlight fairy", but in truth, she's pretty jaded for a fairy. She drops this facade around her close friends.

Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]

[leasagna-lea]

‘tis the season

Yuri Briar family guy death pose

[13curses]

choso adores playing with your arousal. so fucking much, good grief. mdni.

ever since your first time together, he has not been able to hold back a raspy, broken gasp while entering you, enjoying how welcome he is in your tight, mushy, but foremost drenched hole. with every thrust, his cock gradually gains more shimmer ‘cause of your juices. the sopping sounds are his favorite song track.

so with every new occasion, choso “wastes” more and more time feasting his eyes on the wet rosebuds below him. you have to buck your hips to urge him to enter you, for which he apologizes sheepishly.

he's had enough of being rushed when he's just trying to appreciate your cunt. he asks you,

“can i please play with your pussy?”

you giggle and tell him of course—but his definition of playing isn't what you had in mind. he parts your legs then reaches for your core. his cold fingerpads stick to your warm folds, spreading them, the separation causing a string of wet connection. he gulps.

his thumb is caressing your clit, which, despite being erect, is very mushy and lovely under his calloused digit. sidenote, choso loves rubbing you through cottony underwear; it feels so thin when it's soaked through, but you barely notice his kinkiness while he's near fingering you through the drowned texture, as the pleasure is intoxicating for both of you.

he continues toying with your sensitive bud before rotating his wrist to put his middle finger at your entrance, slipping in quick and easy. you moan at the careful but desperate act, instantly clamping down on him. choso's big hand tenses up as he starts rotating his finger.

“cho—more, please..”

“more, more..” he murmurs back in a frenzy, as lustful as you are, joining with his ring digit.

he closes his eyes, face flushing as he blindly plays with your insides, fixated on the hot fluids within your rubbery walls. not prioritizing your g-spot, but when he reaches the rough curve, a scratchy whimper escapes him.

he removes his hand, witnessing how your wet marked him with glisten. choso extends his fingers and your arousal creates a honey-like thread between them.

“oh, fuck me.” he groans, approximately drooling at the sight. he satisfies his salivating mouth by shoving his digits inside his mouth, tonguing them like he's sucking in a sickeningly sweet syrup.

you pulsate at the sight, clenching around nothing, the sight of him going dumb from you without even stimulating the nerves of his cock physically.

you don't have to beg for him to touch you, it would be like asking an addict if they crave more. he dives face first into your pussy, hissing at the way his hard cock brushes against the sleek sheets. he pushes your bent knees against your collarbones, holding your thighs up slash down. he begins by sucking on your sweet, sweet clit, dragging his mouth away to watch your arousal blend with his spit.

he toys with your nectar in every bit, shape and form. delving in with his nose, and for god's sake, even rubbing his cheeks into your slick at times. whenever your fluids slosh in the air as he palms or fingers you into oblivion, he chuckles to himself in a dazed, drunk tone. he solely makes you cum to have you spill over the bed, giving him more, more and more to drink and toy with.

good luck getting him to wash his sticky hands, lips and face.

[hopesangelsprite]

Dial Drunk

Pairing: drunk!Illumi x reader

Summary: Illumi has way too much to drink and turns into a subby baby bottom boy- /hj

Warnings: language, mvrd3r threats ofc, mentions of alcohol consumption

It wasn't normal to get calls from Illumi around this time of night. From your nightstand, your alarm clock alerted you that it was getting close to 3 am and the constant ringing from your phone was a proud indicator that something was wrong. As you rolled over to see your lover's name in bright white letters, you wondered what the actual fuck was going on.

"You've got 3 seconds to explain why you're calling me in the middle of the night and not on your side of our bed.", you grumbled out groggily earning an unfamiliar chuckle. You frowned and sat up straight as someone who was definitely not your fiance spoke. "Apologies, bunny!~ I'd no idea a sweet thing like you would be waiting on me.", came a smooth drawling voice that made your skin prickle.

You glared into the dark before replying, "Who the hell are you and where's my husband?". The man on the other side of line huffed dejectedly before there was rustling in the background. "Who's this.. oh it's (Y/N)!! Hello, loveee open the door, would ya?", came the familiar sound of your fiancé's voice. Still, there was something very wrong. He never called you that nickname when other people where around. "Illumi, where are you? Are you okay?", you questioned while pulling yourself from the warmth of your sheets.

As you pulled on a pair of shorts, Illumi started to answer but was cut off by annoyed sigh. More rustling filled the speakers and there was a knocking sound over the phone and outside your door. "This is becoming more annoying than amusing. Come and get your boytoy so I can get back to partying!", drawled the other voice from earlier. You rolled your eyes before making your way toward the door. You contemplated not opening it out of suspicion, but the sound of struggling quickly made your mind for you.

You swung the door open only to come face to face with your lover trying, and failing, to strangle a tall, pink-haired guy who seemed completely unfazed with the situation. The aforementioned male locked eyes with you and his expression shifted into one of mischief. "Well, hello there! You must be the Misses...", he trailed off to look you over with a smirk, "No wonder he likes to keep you to himself.". Before you could give the brightly dressed idiot in front of you a piece of your mind, Illumi hissed at him like a feral cat and attempted to gouge his eyes out.

He would've succeeded had you not chosen to intervene. You called out to the darker haired male causing him to turn and face you. Every bit of anger and malice he'd just been using to try and kill his friend left him as he took in your smaller frame. Within seconds you were swept up into his arms and bombarded with a barrage of kisses across the expanse of your face.

A yelp escaped you as Illumi tossed you into the air the way you would a child and hugged you tightly. "Missedyousomuchnevergonnaletyououtofmysighteveragain..", he spoke into your chest breathlessly. You pulled his face from between your boobs and looked him over. His usually pale skin was flushed a light shade of pink, and you could practically smell the alcohol poisoning on his breath. You looked back to the pink-haired guy in time to see him snap a picture of you both with a snicker. "What the hell did you do to him???", you inquired to which he shrugged with a wide, wicked grin. "We made a bet, he lost, we got fucked up, and now I'm going to get even more fucked up.", he answered before bowing extravagantly and beginning to shut your door.

Just as you were about to call out and ask for a better explanation, you were engulfed in a wave of bloodlust. Illumi turned his head to glare in the direction of the door, his hair standing on end and waving in a non-existent wind. "Hisoka... if you ever speak to my wife so casually again, I'll split you from your testes to your tonsils while you watch. Now, leave.", he spoke in an eerily calm tone. Hisoka, the guy you assumed was standing at your door, paled considerably before slamming the door shut and swiftly making an exit.

As soon as he was gone, the bloodlust that had been suffocating you evaporated into the air as if it had never existed. You inhaled deeply, coughing in the process and catching Illumi's attention. He too gasped at your breathless state and sat on the couch with you still in his arms. "I'm sorry!", he pouted with watering eyes, "Didn't mean to hurt you, sweet girl.". You stared at him with wide, deeply unsettled eyes as he held your face in his large hands ever so lovingly. "Illu, how much have you had to drink??", you asked to which he shrugged.

"Three or four...", he started, and you prematurely sighed in relief, "rooms. Yeah, four storage rooms worth!". He beamed at you with pride, and you wonder how the fuck he wasn't dead yet. "Honey... maybe you should lay down for the night, yeah?", you suggested to which he nodded and stood from the couch with you on his hip. You held on for dear life as he stumbled toward your shared room with you in tow and threw himself onto your bed.

You attempted to roll off of him, but he was quick to pull you back into his chest and squeeze. "Who said you could leave yet?", he purred with a sneaky giggle before rolling on top of you. You watched both curious and amused as his eyes clouded with lust and his hair pooled around you on either side. Slowly, Illumi leaned in to place a kiss in on your lips, completely missing them and latching onto your cheek instead. Hysterical giggles fluttered from your throat as Illumi sat up and pouted down at you like an annoyed child.

"I'm seducing you and you think it's funny?! I'll show you funny, girly!", he sneered playfully before attacking you with tickles. You screeched and thrashed around to his amusement, tears of laughter falling from your eyes as you begged for mercy. "What's that?? I'm sorry I can't tell what you're saying with you talking like that?~", Illumi teased as you wheezed underneath him.

"Let me go, please!", you giggled while wiggling around to free one of your arms. Illumi, being so focused on torturing you, didn't noticed you were freed until your hand met his side and began tickling him back. A wild yelp escaped him as he all but flew off you. "No.", he pouted with crossed arms. You cackled at the sight of your usually intimidating husband glowering at you like an angry toddler. "Can't handle a dose of your own medicine, pretty boy?", you teased to which he stuck out his tongue with indignation.

You smiled and adjusted your posture before opening your arms expectantly. Illumi had turned his head, set on ignoring you, but glanced at you from the corner of his eye at the gesture.

"Come on, you big baby!", you called while leaning against the headboard. He eyed you a while longer before huffing and crawling back to you. Unceremoniously, he dumped all of his weight on you with an audible 'oof'. Carefully, you ran your hands through his hair, taking the time to marvel at its darkness. You placed a kiss on his forehead as he buried his head further into your chest. It wasn't long before he began to doze off into your arms.

[tupiksdurak]

i could draw them married chat you know i could

just say the word and ill do it

ill do it... illdo it...dodidididdi